#but *i* was planning to get *my* work done tomorrow bc i actually plan to get things done in times when my kid doesn't need me
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beneathsilverstars · 29 days ago
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i hate my ex so much they said they were gonna go on our kid's field trip today and now they're like i might have to work instead bc i planned badly :( if i say i cant go will i be tortured and skinned alive :( like buddy stop making this about you and your anxiety i'm not gonna reassure you that it's ok to not show up for your kid. it's your choice, if you think it's necessary than just fucking do it and accept the consequences. actually you know what maybe i'll just say that to them
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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guinevereslancelot · 8 months ago
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picked wildflowers for a friend's wedding today 😊🌼🌾
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exopelagic · 1 year ago
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auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr
#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep#friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that.#but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them#which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair#I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done#and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song#w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends#okay where are we#I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more#and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am#I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying#in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff.#mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy#i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more#i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying#it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be#and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There#with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere#and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff#hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations#but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain#anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3#it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon#luke.txt#uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are.#I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane.#I think! I need to go to bed!#I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have.#philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway#point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.
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autism-corner · 3 months ago
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cursed me
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french-goodbye · 1 year ago
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in the low lamplight
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summary: your boyfriend is perfect, except for one tiny little detail.
warnings: conversations about sex; dry humping; consensual slapping and chocking; praise kink; fingering; p in v sex. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, 18+.
notes: i'm tired of experienced steve and virgin reader all the time. i want steve and confident slutty reader who's more experienced than him and blows his mind. also a little praise kink bc i feel like my boy would be insanely into that. also my first time writing smut!!! i! am! nervous! title from work song by hozier.
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it's not that steve is bad in bed, it's quite the opposite actually. but he's just... extremely vanilla. and you totally get it. most of his sexual experiences were with young suburban girls in the back of his car or in his room when his parents weren't home. he was a couple of girls' first time and knowing steve, he probably put their own comfort above his wants. not probably, definitely.
you just wish he was... kinkier. nothing too intense, just something a little more exciting. and it's not that you don't get to cum, you totally do. he knows exactly how to move inside of you, the spots that make your body burn in need and he gives the best head ever, which is a nice bonus.
but after three months together and having sex everytime you have the opportunity to, because you're still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, it's getting kinda repetitive. it's always missionary, maybe you on top if you're in a particularly bossy mood. but he nevers puts you on all fours or asks you to sit on his face or even sixty-nine. nothing.
you know steve's attracted to you (he isn't exactly shy to tell you how much) so you know that's not the issue, so you've tried so hard to subtly ask him to be rougher, you've tried placing his hand on your neck and squeezing, you've tried guiding his hands to your ass, but you've had no success so far. every single time he'll respectfully pull his hand away and press them to your shoulder or keep them there but not do anything.
but tonight. tonight is the night, you've decided. his parents are out of town (as usual) and it's just you two in the house, you've made sure he's free the whole day the tomorrow (no driving little shits around or shifts at the video store) so you'll have the whole friday night and the next day to yourselves.
you even splurged a bit and purchased a set of overpriced lingerie, way too expensive for just two little scraps of fabric and shaved, exfoliated and moisturized your entire body the night before. you still haven't approached the subject with him, but you've already planned a careful yet objective way to approach the subject and even practiced what you'd say in the mirror and bought a cosmo magazine. you're not exactly proud of yourself for that last one.
your plan is finally set in motion after you and steve get home from work and throw yourselves on his couch, half watching a movie and eat leftovers from the dinner you cooked the night before. when you're both done, you tell him you need a shower, where you use that lavender soap he likes and spray on the perfume he gave you on your birthday. after you're done, he's waiting in his room for you, halfheartedly flipping through the book you're currently reading.
"you can take your shower now" you tell him distractedly, holding the towel you've wrapped around yourself tightly to your body. he finally looks up and realizes your state of undress, his eyebrows shooting up.
"what are you doing?"
you stop going through your over night bag to throw him a confused look, "what are you talking about?"
"you used that soap i like, and that perfume i gave you that you only use on special occasions..." he stands up from the bed and stalks to you, watching you from narrowed eyes, like he's suspicious you're planning his murder. "what are you planning?"
you fake surprise, your hand coming up to clutch imaginary pearls. "me? why would i scheme something against my dear loving boyfriend?"
he looks at you unimpressed and you stand on your tip toes to rest your hands on his chest, his hands coming to support you on your waist and you whisper next to his ear, "okay, maybe i do have something planned... why don't you go take your shower and find out?"
he glances at you one last time before squeezing your waist and letting you go.
"fine..." he sighs dramatically, "i'll go"
once he's locked the door behind him, you put on your recently purchased underwear and bra on. you throw on one of his old highschool t-shirts since he once mentioned how much he likes seeing you wearing them.
by the time he gets out of the bathroom, a cloud of steam surrounding him, you're sitting on his bed, rubbing lotion on your legs and he's shirtless, wearing only gray sweatpants, that hang low on his hips, his hair half dry as he finishes towel drying it.
you tsk and shake your head disheartened. "oh- wow, okay, harrington"
he glances at you once and goes back to drying his hair. "huh?"
"the chest, the scandalous dick print..." you explain and gesticulate towards him. "are you trying to seduce me or something?"
"why are you looking at my dick? you interested?" your stomach burns with insinuation but you ignore him, simply tucking your lotion back into your bag.
"i mean... it's hard not to notice when you're whoring yourself around" you shrug with fake nonchalance.
he scoffs loudly at you, going back into the bathroom quickly to hang both of your towels and getting on your way when you're about to climb on the bed after having dropped your bag in the corner.
"i'm whoring myself?" he looms over you, hand resting on your shoulder to snap the strap of your bra that's peeking from his shirt "you're the one wearing a new bra babe."
you don't answer, simply slapping his hand away and climbing on the bed, intentionally giving him a peek of your ass as you finally sit near the foot of the bed, with your legs crossed.
"why don't you turn off the lights and come take a look?"
he earnestly complies, almost tripping on a sweater he left on the bedroom floor earlier that day as he does what you asked. he lights the lampshade on his bedside table and walk towards you, leaning down to reach you when you stop him.
"no" you say firmly. "go sit on the bed, near the headboard."
he complies, but not without giving you a look. "ooh, bossy"
you turn to watch him and can't help the spark that lights up in your tummy. he looks ridiculous attractive, hair fluffy from not being styled properly, his hairy chest all on display for you and his thick spread legs giving a privileged view of his dick in those sweatpants. it's almost criminal, but you swallow it down and keep going with your plan.
you crawl to him on all fours, purposefully, until you're between his legs.
"i don't know about bossing " you run a long manicured fingernail through his thick chest hair. "but i was thinking about something i'd like to try with you..." you only stop when your fingers are almost at his waistband and you swirl your fingers around his bellybutton. you glance at his face and he almost looks dazed, eyes following your finger avidly.
hook, line and sinker.
your boyfriend was almost too easy sometimes.
"yeah, babe... whatever you want" you hold back your laughter and finally climb on top of his legs, his eyes following the curve of your hips and your bare legs as you straddle him.
"how do you feel about chocking?" you ask, making his gaze shift to your face.
"chocking? are you serious?"
"yeah, i think it'd be really good to have your hands around my neck" his fingers dig tightly on your hips, but you can tell he's still unsure.
"what if i hurt you?"
"if it makes you feel better, we can have a safe word and we can immediately stop if one of us says it. no questions asked"
"what if you can't speak?"
"then i can just tap you three times, like this?" you demonstrate, tapping his shoulder. "is that okay?"
he nods quietly, so you ask: "what if i do it on you first so you know what it feels like?"
"yeah, sure"
you gently put your hands on his throat, not applying pressure yet, just resting there.
"you just have to make sure you squeeze the sides, not on top so you don't stop airflow" you explain, spreading your fingers so they're on each side of his throat and squeezing carefully. steve himself is more surprised than you when his breath stutters and he lets an almost groan out.
"did you like that?"
"fuck yeah, that's super hot" he tells you breathlessly, surprising you with a forceful kiss. he manages to distract you, his tongue slipping into your mouth and brushing against yours as his fingers squeeze your hips and start guiding you to grind on his lap. you let him call the shots for a moment, slowly moving your hips against his now half hard cock and sinking your fingers on his hair to scratch his scalp lovingly.
however, when his hands start to wander underneath your borrowed shirt you bite his lip softly, letting it slot back in place as you pull away.
he's about to complain, big brown eyes staring at you and almost pouting. you press your pointer finger to his lips, silencing him, hips still moving at a torturously slow pace against him.
"there's one more thing, actually" you move your finger away and trace his bottom lip carefully.
"more?" his eyebrows raise in question.
"what about you... i don't know, maybe you can be a rough with me? like slapping me a little bit"
"slapping?! babe, i don't wanna hurt you and i don't-"
"you slap my ass all the time!" you accuse him, reminding him of all the times you'd walk past him or bend down and he had slapped your butt teasingly.
"yeah, jokingly"
"babe, i trust you" you grip his face, forcing him to look at you. "i know you'd never hurt me if i didn't ask you to. i just think it'd be really hot, and who knows... maybe you'll like it too. and if you really don't like it we'll never speak of this again" you shrug, gently pushing his hair from his face.
"you sure?" you nod and press a quick kiss to his lips.
"if you wanna stop just say red, okay? anytime."
"yeah, i like that"
"you'll tell me if you wanna stop, right?" you press another quick kiss to his lips in thanks.
he nods eagerly "you too, okay? just say the word and we'll stop" you nod in agreement. "okay... but now what? do i just... jump right into it?"
"no... what about we start the way we always do before having sex?" you smirk, starting to move your hips in slow circular motions again and his hands slide down your back to slip under your t-shirt again.
he laughs huskily next to ear, making you shiver. "we're really good at that", his lips make contact with the skin of your neck, pressing open mouthed kisses there. you keep moving on top of him, hands sinking into his hair and keeping him there.
"fuck, steve" you whine when he sucks at a sensitive spot on your neck, his hands squeezing your thighs roughly, moulding fat like dough underneath his fingertips.
suddenly you feel a sharp sting on your backside as steve slaps your ass. you whine deep in your throat and your hips stutter in their rhythm against his lap.
"oh, you really like it when i do that"
"god, i do" you breathlessly tell him with a smile, tugging his hair harshly to guide him to your mouth. "you like this too, don't you? just wanna give me what i need, huh baby?"
"i do, i do. just want my girl to feel good" he whines against your mouth, while he spreads your ass and digs his fingers into your skin.
you kiss him some more, until you can feel his now hard cock against you, through the lace fabric of your underwear and his sweatpants. his hand lift up your t-shirt and carefully takes it off of you.
"god, you're gorgeous" you push on his chest gently until his back is against the headboard so you can show him the whole thing, from the intricate lace to the small straps keeping everything together. "you got this for me?" he teases you, his hands playing with your underwear, pulling it and letting it snap against the skin of your hip.
"yeah..." you answer distractedly, his cock rubbing in a very nice spot near your covered clit. his hand moves up to cup your breast, his thumb rubbing your pebbled nipple through your bra. "you like it?"
"fuck yeah, i love it" one of his hand cups your breast, while the other pushes the fabric of your bra down so he can pull and twist your nipple.
you're already a mess on top of him, feeling the wetness on your underwear sticking to your folds, when he lowers his head to suck your nipple into his mouth and his hand plays with your other breast. the nails of your left hand dig half crescent moons on his bare shoulders while the other tug on his hair to keep him there and your head drops back in pleasure.
his hand stops massaging your breasts and you're about to complain when you feel it start to slip down your stomach and hook under your underwear to rub his fingers through your wetness, his knuckles grazing your clit. you hold him tighter, a loud moan leaving your lips when he sinks two fingers inside of you.
"yes, yes, yes, baby" you whine, hiding your face in his hair as he realeases your nipple with a lewd pop.
"you're so fucking wet" he rasps against you and sucks a mark on the swell of your breast, pumping his fingers in and out of you as the palm of his hand rubbing on your clit everytime he moves. "god, you feel so good around my fingers. can't wait to have my dick inside you."
you're lost in the rhythm of it, his palm brushing your clit at every stroke, the feeling of his lips sucking on your chest and his hips bucking underneath yours occasionally. but you finally reach your peak when his free hand slips down your back and slaps your ass again, harder this time, palming it underneath his fingertips.
"that's it... come for me, baby" you pull him to your mouth again as you come down and he guides you through it, still feeling yourself clenching on his fingers as you twitch in his lap.
"god, you're so fucking hot" you whisper against his mouth, still breathless. "you're so good to me, baby. such a good boy"
suddenly, he's holding you tighter and manhandling you, roughly dropping you on your back and looming over you between your knees. before you can react, he's ripping off his sweatpants and throwing it on his bedroom floor.
he stands completely naked in front of you, helping you spread your legs. you eye him lustfully, from his mussed hair to his throbbing cock standing tall, the tip pink and dripping with a little pre cum.
"can i go down on you?" you ask him avidly, starting to lift yourself up but he stops you, holding your wrist above your body.
"nuh-uh, baby. i'm gonna blow my load if you do that" he denies and you giggle, about to complain when he licks the palm of his free hand and strokes himself one, two, three times, shutting you up real quick. he's starting to align himself with your entrance when you stop him.
"wait, wait" he stops immediately.
"what? what's wrong?"
"i want you from behind"
he groans, dropping his head on the curve of your neck and letting go of your wrists. "you really can't say shit like that to me if you want me to last"
you giggle and tap his shoulder sympathetically, "you'll live". you lightly scratch his back, sliding your hands from his shoulder to his lower back and wrap your legs around his hips, feeling the tip of his cock nudging your inner thigh. "now... why don't you put me on my knees, handsome?"
he quickly moves to reposition you, helping you lift yourself up and pushing your spine down gently when you get on your knees. you lower your torso all the way until your chest is pressed against his bedsheets, lifting your ass up.
"fuck, baby. you look so good like this" he says when he slots himself behind you.
"maybe you should listen to me more, harrington" you tease, looking at him from over your shoulder as he kneads your ass.
"maybe i should, pretty girl" he answers distractedly, and you feel his thumb spreading your entrance. "look at this pretty pussy"
you moan and try to wriggle in the hold he has on your hips, "steeeve-"
he laugh mockingly and starts rubbing the head of his cock against your folds. "you this desperate babe?"
before you can answer he starts sinking himself inside, both of you sighing at the feeling. when he's finally inside you can't help the moan that escapes you, his big cock filling you up beautifully and the stretch in this position making you feel so full. however, his strokes are slow and languid and while that's nice, it's not exactly what you need.
"come on, babe" you grumble, trying to rock your hips against his grip. "fuck me like you mean it"
he scoffs and speeds up, his hand wrapping around your hair to press your face against his mattress and to keep you still, changing the angle slightly and pressing right against your spot inside of you.
"is this how you want it?" he huffs, slapping you again.
"oh god, yes. right there!"
he pulls you up until you're both kneeling on the bed, his hips slapping against your ass. his free hand climbs up your chest until it's resting on your neck. "do you want-?"
"yes, i want it. please, please, choke me" you interrupt, begging him to keep going, begging him for more. his fingers carefully start squeezing you throat and you wrap your hand around his to guide him until the pressure is just right.
"squeezing my cock so tight, baby. should've told me you wanted this sooner."
you don't get to answer, his free hand suddenly slipping down to rub circles on your clit and you're gone, your orgasm hitting you like a fright train. he helps you ride it out, until you gently pull his hand away and bend down again, resting your weight on your elbows.
"your turn, baby" you tell him, tilting your head slightly so you can see him.
he starts babbling and pressing you harder against the bed, a clear sign that he's close himself. he bends down, his chest against your back until he can stretch his hand out to hold yours against the mattress and he can babble against your ear about how good you feel, how perfect you are for him, how much he loves being inside you.
"that's it, babe. you made me feel so good, it's your turn now" you tell him, still slightly breathless and sensitive around his cock. "please come, need you to come so bad"
"god, i'm gonna cum" and it's all it takes to feel him pull out and finish himself off on your back. you're both still for a second as you catch your breath and he squeezes your hand still intertwined in his gently. when you turn your face to the side to see him, he presses a kiss to your cheek.
he taps your hips gently as he gets up and goes to the bathroom, coming back quickly to wipe you and himself clean with a wet washcloth. when he's done he throws it on top of the rest of his dirty laundry, still thrown on his bedroom floor.
when he finally turns to you, you're finally laying on your back and getting comfortable on his pillow. steve throws himself next to you and his arms immediately wrap around your waist. you hug him back, guiding his head to rest on top of your bare chest, now littered with purpling marks.
"you had fun, pretty girl?"
"you couldn't tell?" you laughter, his head shaking slightly against your chest as you comb his hair away from his face and his breath against your skin.
"god, i'm obsessed with you" he complains, hiding his face on your boob. you laugh, gently coaxing his face away so you can see him.
"that's good," you smooth the messy hairs on his eyebrow. "i'm pretty obsessed with you too"
"we're pretty perfect for each other then"
"you should keep me forever" you tease, tracing his features gently. he presses a kiss to your sternum and gets comfortable against you.
"maybe i will"
it sounds like a pretty good deal.
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vanesycho · 6 months ago
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So maybe a lil something easy like jungwoo forgets an anniversary but you don’t say anything to see if it’s part of a plan to see if he surprises you (spoiler:he doesn’t bc he actually forgot) so ignore him the rest of the day but a few minutes before your anniversary is over you just throw the gift you got him (whatever you want it to be) and a card that has happy anniversary and rush in the room crying he feels bad and makes it up to you with letting you ride his face then he makes love to you but then he gets to going to pound town to punish you for ignoring him and makes you squirt !☺️I also had this idea for yuta but i need jungwoo he’s been in my head since walk if you can’t then I have a book of ideas🤣! Just let me know -🧚🏽
Thank you so much for your request🥹🤍 really wanted to write a Jungwoo fic
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Summary: Jungwoo forgot your anniversary? But don't worry, he'll make it up to you, in the best way possible.
Warning:Smut, pussy eating, sitting on face,fingering, squirting.
wc:2k
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You quickly got up from your seat when you heard the door open. Jungwoo entered the house and smiled tiredly when he saw you. “Baby.” You reached out on your tiptoes and hugged him tightly, pulling back and kissing him first on both cheeks and then on the lips. He looked at the attention with surprise, "My love- to what do I owe this?" You chuckled. “Nothing, I just missed you.” He picked you up and hugged you, twirled you around, then put you down and gave you a long kiss on the lips. "I missed you so much too baby but- ah..I'm so tired." He entered the living room, whimpering, and threw himself on the couch.
You went behind the couch and gave him a quick massage, he threw his head back, closed his eyes and let himself fall into your hands. You smiled, leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose. "So...What are we going to do today?" You had been excitedly waiting for your boyfriend all day, it was your 3rd anniversary, every year you would find something fun to do. Well, It was impossible to be bored with Jungwoo.
He frowned as his eyes closed. “What do you mean, baby?” You were silent for a while, you knew he had something on his mind and that he had made a surprise, because he always did that, you chuckled briefly "Nothing, don't worry about it." Jungwoo didn't say anything even though he was confused. After a while, you took your hands off of him and kissed his cheek again. "You rest, my love, I'll prepare dinner for you." He watched you leave, you were treating him differently today and he couldn't help but smile to himself.
A few minutes later you went to the kitchen, watching him through the food, still no sound from him, you started to get a little worried but you pushed those thoughts aside because Jungwoo never forget this special day. "You gonna say something, baby?" Jungwoo's voice brought you out of your thoughts "No, I was just...thinking abo-" the phone buzz interrupted your conversation, he mumbled a short apology and picked up. “Yes, hyung?” As you waited for the phone call to end, you realized that you were already done eating, so you put the dishes on the counter and sat back down, after a while Jungwoo hung up. "Is it something important?"
He just shook his head no with his mouth full and finally finished the bite and spoke. "No, we were just talking about the plan." You smiled slightly and approached the table. “What plan?” Jungwoo looked up at you, not expecting you to lean over him like that, his eyes momentarily falling on your exposed breasts and he grinned, “A plan for tomorrow’s meeting, my love.” You hummed "Sure it is." Jungwoo frowned at what you said, were you acting weird today or was it just him? “Thanks for the food, would you like me to help you with the dishes?” You stood up and took the plate in front of him "I'll handle it, you've been tired enough at work today." Jungwoo came up behind you and squeezed you between him and the counter. “Hm...I don’t know why your attitude is different today, but I can’t say I don’t like it.” He placed a wet kiss on your neck and left the kitchen.
Hours passed but there was still no sign of Jungwoo. He hadn't left his room where he was play games, and as time went by you began to suspect that he had truly forgotten. Forgot the most important day. You went into your shared room, opened the closet and took out the gift you bought for him, you looked at the box of the watch he had wanted to buy for a long time but couldn't. Then you looked at the note and your eyes filled with tears, it was already midnight, he really had forgotten. You heard some shouting from the next room, Jungwoo was obviously engrossed in the game, you walked towards his room and opened the door, taking a few steps forward. “Jungwoo?”
"Come on! Are you blind? The guy was behind you." He didn't hear you because of the headphones, the game he was playing with his friends seemed to take him away from the real world. You walked over to him and touched his shoulder. He looked at you and smiled briefly before turning back to the screen. “Is something wrong, baby?” You pulled the headphones from his ear to the side so he could hear you. "Can you take a break from the game for a bit?" After his character died, he sat back in with anger and looked at you, muted himself "Is it something urgent? I can't take a break right now." You held yourself back, it wasn't the time to cry, but you gave in to your emotions, threw the gift and card into his lap, and without saying a word, you left his room and went to your own room.
"Y/n?" He called out after you but you had already left the room., he looked at his lap, took the box in his hand and when he opened it, his eyes widened in shock at what he saw. "This...Wait– why did she buy that?” He put the box aside and picked up the card, reading the text on it.
'Happy 3rd anniversary my love!! I knew how much you wanted this watch so I saved my money for it these past months, please accept the gift I bought you because you never let me buy you anything expensive...
Every minute, every hour, every second I spend with you is unforgettable for me, no matter what happens, you always find a way to make me happy. I love you more than anything.'
-Y/n.
"Oh fuck." he mumbled and without waiting, he quickly walked towards your room, opened the door and saw you sitting on the bed, crying. He came to you and wrapped his arms around you. "I'm such an idiot, I'm so, so sorry. Please don't cry, hm? Look at me." He grabbed your chin and lifted your head but you pushed him away, “Don’t touch me.” His heart clenched, even thinking of making you sad made his heart ache, he literally made you cry.
Still, he didn't give up and even though you tried to back up, he didn't listen to you and wrapped his arms around you, waited until you cry stoped and calmed down, patted your back, kissed your head, and whispered sweet nothings. When your breathing became regular, he realized that you had stopped crying and he pulled back to look at you. He kissed your cheeks that were wet from crying, whispered, "Please don't be angry and cold towards me Y/n, I can't stand this, I'm so sorry, I really made a big mistake." You were speechless, you didn't know what to say, you wanted to forgive him but your heart was broken. "Let me make it up to you, angel." You raised your head and looked into his eyes, you sniffed. "How?" He grinned and laid down on the bed, you looked at him with questioning eyes, he reached out his hand to you, you took it and came closer to him. "Okay? What should I understand?"
"Take off your panties." You thought you forgot to breathe for a moment, still looking at him with confuse "Excuse me?"
"You heard me baby, I said I'd make it up to you, now just take your panties off and sit on my face. Now." His serious tone made your body tremble, “Jungwoo...I’m not sure I-" He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him, hugging your waist tightly, you tilted your head to look at him, then he spoke in a low tone due to your closeness. "Either you sit on my face now or I'll make you sit and make you cum just with my mouth more times than you can count and won't stop even if you beg."
Even the thought of it was enough to make you wet, you actually wanted to stay mad at him and make him understand better what he had done, but that option didn't seem too bad to you. You pulled back and took off your panties, crawling towards him while you were left with just your bra. You paused for a moment before moving towards his face. “Are you really sure about this?” He licked his lips as he watched your naked body "Yeah yeah just let me taste your pretty pussy- god...You have no idea how sexy you look right now." You smiled shyly at his compliment and continued to move towards him, placing your legs on either side of his head. Jungwoo caressed your legs, starting from your hips. "Oh fuck...You're already soaking wet."
He licked your clit a few times, you held onto the headboard, you whined as he started sucking your pussy, Jungwoo let out a similar moan towards your pussy, he was eating you out hungrily. "J-Jungwoo.." His name spilled from your mouth, pleasure gripping your entire body, you let out a loud moan and bucked your hips when he stuck his tongue inside you. Jungwoo grabbed your hips roughly and this time made you sit on his face properly. “Fucking sit.” You felt like you were going to lose your mind when he sent his tongue inside you again. You reached down with one hand and grabbed his hair. “Y-yes, keep going, you’re s-so good." Your praises encouraged him even more, his tongue was moving inside your pussy with an endless speed, when you started moving your hips on his face he knew you were close. His face was wet with all your juices and he could barely breathe but who cared? He was ready to die between your legs if it made you feel better.
"Close.. I'm so close." You spoke breathlessly between your whimpering, your stomach clenching, Jungwoo covering your entire pussy with his mouth and continuing non-stop, his mouth licking and sucking every inch of it, You let out one last moan as your cum flowed from your pussy into Jungwoo's mouth and onto his face. He continued to take it all in his mouth, sucking it a few more times and letting go of your legs and letting you back up. You laid down on your side, tired, you couldn't feel your legs, the relief that came with orgasm had already made you sleepy.
You looked at Jungwoo when he got between your legs. “What are you doing?” he spread your legs, "Don't worry about it." He put two fingers inside you without waiting, you held your breath, started moved your hips as his two fingers moved inside you but he held you in place with his other hand. "Ah-ah don't move, angel." your mouth stopped open, whimpered, and reached for his hand where he had inserted his fingers. "Wait- let me wait a moment, not now."
"Hm not now? Oh what a shame because I'm sorry but I won't listen to you baby, pushing me away while I'm trying to apologize to you huh? If you don't want the attention I'll give it to you by force." You nearly screamed when he added a third finger. He grinned at your reaction and bit his lip at how tightly you gripped his fingers. “Fuck, you look so beautiful.” You were still sensitive so tears started to flow from your eyes with the feeling hurt. He leaned in closer and kissed your cheek. “Don’t worry, I promise you’ll feel good, just a little longer, hm?"
You nodded, your pussy tightening with three fingers inside you. Wet sounds filled the room, and Jungwoo felt his cock swell even more as your moans joined in. When your pussy tightened he realized you were close. "Come on angel, cum yeah? Fill my fingers." You made a whimpering sound as his hand sped up, the pleasure was too much, you felt like you were going to faint, all you did was moan, you couldn't even speak.
The pleasure was so intense that you finally squirted, the liquid hitting Jungwoo’s shirt and his hand, you didn’t even realize you had done it until you opened your eyes and when you opened, you noticed Jungwoo looking at the wetness on his shirt and you quickly sat up. "Fuck- I'm so sorry, I didn't even notice." You spoke with shame, yes you had sex many times with him but squirting? This was the first time you had experienced it and you had to admit it was amazing but you couldn't tell him that. Jungwoo lifted his head, his eyes filled with hunger and desire for you. “Can you do that again? This time on my dick.”
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mittenlady · 1 year ago
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me when it has been merely four weeks of college and i have forgotten what it feels like to be relaxed and not in a perpetual state of stress that weighs itself down upon my chest like a boulder with the sole intent of crashing through my ribcage and crushing each and every one of my internal organs until i am a mere blob of blonde hair and blood
me when college is less in a day but also more in a day and also wow where did my free time go wow
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phagodyke · 2 years ago
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nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit
#.vent#i only slept a couple hours last night man. i cant do short notice evening socials on an empty tank let alone resist unexpected rsd#if they had let me know earlier then i wouldve taken a nap and worked out beforehand to get my energy back up#idk just. if u rly want my company then maybe u should actually invite me next time. its not like they didnt plan it#even if they just forgot its not particularly pleasant to be the one person insignificant enough to forget abt. theres only 5 of us#they rly remembered to ask the one guy who isnt even here before me yknow. ugh u see the stupid thoughts i have to battle!!#like on a rational level ik it was probably genuinely accidental. but the way i instinctively react is not always rational#so regardless someone has to deal with the emotional fallout and thats me. regulating this shit is hard work even when im NOT tired asf#i really really dont want to be an asshole and spoil anyones fun bc its no-ones fault + as real as it feels to me rn ik im overreacting#but i cant voluntarily expose myself to personal triggers when im already exhausted + more vulnerable than usual#so just gotta shut myself in my room and deal with it in my own super healthy ways as per usual. may they never fucking find out#trying my best not to be an asshole i hope to fucking god they dont think im being an asshole i just told them i was tired + i meant it#this wouldnt be so much of a problem if it hadnt happened to me before. and also ik its bc one rsd trigger makes me more sensitive-#to picking up unrelated cues but there ARE other things they do that i find ostracising which rly dont fucking help. but-#theyre not things i can actually confront them abt so usually i just gotta deal w it which is fine but it lowers my general tolerance#its ok. its ok i like them all a lot theyre lovely ppl and it doesnt matter if there is a some grain of truth in the things im thinking#bc the risk of me believing + acting on a bad faith irrational thought leads to outcomes that are far worse than those from#misidentifying someones malicious behaviour towards me as neutral by accident/in good faith. okay im done now i think#just ignore me spewing out the old brain gunk on main again eurgh anyway im gonna go calm myself and read and SLEEP#ill be normal by tomorrow morning farewell comrades#honestly i dont mind dealing w shit this way bc its the best option for everyone but man. sometimes its so fucking lonely#like there are sides of me ppl will never engage with and for good reason but without them being acknowledged i find it rly hard to feel-#any real emotional intimacy or closeness with another person. but what other option is there#i sure as hell dont miss the fights i used to constantly get into when i wasnt able to regulate myself i lost so many friends that way#it is what it is. on we go for now
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ateezscupid · 2 years ago
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can u write a fic where san is a mean dom? i have this thing for calling him sannie bc its cute! and i think it would be hot if he mocked yn calling him that and it was kinda centered around humiliation!!! i love ur writing sm id love to see this done in ur style <333 i hope this doesnt make u uncomfy to write!! ):
- 🕸️
hello hello! i’m getting to this after a very long time, my apologies but i’ve been WAITING for someone to request mean dom!san. he’s been in my mind for a few weeks but i’ve had writers block and could never figure out how to write it out, so thank you for this.
and don’t worry about anything making me uncomfortable! a lot of things, i don’t have a problem writing. i plan to make a really detailed post about my rules and things like that soon so you guys know what i do and don’t write!
anyway, let me stop blabbing. enjoy!
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﹟𝗠𝗬 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟 ⋆ 𝖼.𝗌𝗇 𝗑 𝖿!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋
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𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗘𝗭 𝗠𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 / 𝗥𝗘𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧
plot - san always gets flustered when you call him sannie during sex, but he loves it just as much as you do.
warn - kinda smut w/o plot, dom!san, unprotected sex, rough sex, pet names (baby, princess, pretty, etc.), choking, begging, degrading, humiliation
w/c - n/a
𝗧𝗔𝗚S - @felixs-voice-makes-me-wanna @starillusion13 @mingitheskzstan
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you didn’t think today could’ve gotten any worse. you were teasing san the entire day trying to imply you needed him without actually saying it, but he clearly wasn’t catching the signals you sent. he was so busy with work, he couldn’t spare at least ten minutes for you.
you didn’t want to tease him so much that he’d be annoyed of you and he’d stop talking to you for the rest of the night, but you needed him. it’s been a while since the last time you two were together in bed. all you’ve been thinking about for the past week is how his hands would feel on your body; his hands squeezing your breasts and caressing your skin. rubbing the pads of his fingers on your clit and messing with the sensitive little bud that was there.
if anyone had asked you how badly you wanted to spend at least one night with him, you’d ramble on and on about it. you rambled about it to wooyoung the night before and it was clear he didn’t want to listen to your horny problems.
“distract him while he’s working!” is the advice he gave you, and boy, he couldn’t have been more wrong.
now you were face down in the bed with your arms pinned behind you, your makeup smudging on the pillow and your entire body shaking uncontrollably. you thought distracting him would make him realize what he was missing out on, but you did it at the worst moment.
it was embarrassing to say the least. san was in his office having a meeting, and you had the crazy idea to walk inside with nothing but a lingerie on. you’ve been wanting to wear it for a while, so what harm was there to wear it while he was having a business meeting? it was a harmless idea, and hic co-workers wouldn’t have seen you since you planned to go underneath the table. but you messed up.
while you were busy unbuckling his pants, neither of you noticed the top of your head was visible at the bottom of his computer screen. that meant everyone in the call saw yo ur head, and only one thing came to mind. when it was brought to his attention, he excused himself then turned his mic and camera off. you knew a punishment was coming your way when that happened.
he dragged you out of the office without saying anything and threw you on the bed, ripped the lingerie off your body without hesitation, and pounded into you like there was no tomorrow. there was so much going on in your mind, like would his co-workers think you were some sex crazed lunatic? or would they think of him as someone addicted to sex? unprofessional? there wasn’t any room for you to feel bad when you felt too good to remember what happened.
“this is what you wanted, right?” san growled as he pushed your head into the pillow, using his unoccupied hand to land hits against your ass whenever he felt like it. “you wanted to be treated like a slut, now you are, you little whore.”
no words could come out of you. just a bunch of incoherent babbles spilling from your swollen lips and tears falling down your cheeks. you loved when he was so angry all he could do was fuck the lights out of you. you loved him being rough and treating you like a rag doll. it was impossible for you to get over how easily he went inside you and how much he stretched you out. it felt like heaven.
“s-sannie~!” you whine into the pillow, hands curling into fists behind you. “f-fuck, s’good… y-yes!”
“don’t call me that.” he smacked your ass once more and thrusted harder. he was lucky you were facing away from him otherwise you’d see the visible red tint on his cheeks. he liked when you called him sannie, but now wasn’t the time. at least that’s what he told himself.
“such a little whore for me, hm?” he grunts, leaning down and biting your ear gently. “you wanted to mess with me during my meeting and now everyone saw how much of a dirty girl you are~. you wanted attention so bad but ended up embarrassing yourself in front of everyone.”
“i-i—,” even your attempts at forming full sentences failed.
“aw, is it too much?” he whispered in your ear. “you like it when i fuck you like this, huh? such a fucking whore.”
“sannie, p-please i-i can’t—,”
“sannie blah blah blah!” he rolled his eyes and basically forced you to arch your back. “i said not to call me that, and now you’re not listening? you wanna be bad now?”
“s-sa—,” you weren’t even allowed to finish your sentence. the minute you tried to speak, his hand was wrapped around your neck and gripping so hard, it felt like you couldn’t breathe. you loved every bit of it.
“pl-please—!” you whine. “l-let—“
“let you what? cum? after you were being disobedient?” he kissed your temple, groaning softly and letting go of your arms and planting his hand on the bed. “fuck, you feel so good.”
you opened your mouth to speak, which triggered san to tighten his grip around your throat. it was almost too much.
“call me sannie again, i dare you.” the tone in his voice was enough to let you know he wasn’t joking around, but the urge to be a brat was weighing on you.
“s…” you bit your lip. “s-sannieee!”
he didn’t say anything. he took his hand away from your throat and lifted you up by the shoulders, wrapping one arm around you and using his other hand to rub rough circles around your clit.
“you wanna be a whore? i’ll treat you like one.”
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idontmindifuforgetme · 1 year ago
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You are so productive and living your best life I admire it so much! I don't understand how you do it... do you have any advice for forcing yourself to do the things you know are good for you even when you are feeling sad and not up to it? Have a lovely day ❣️❣️❣️
Plan your day hour by hour. This actually revolutionized my life. Plan when you’ll wake up, plan what you’ll do every hour of the day, and make it as realistic as possible to stick to your goals. Start with simple things and gradually ramp it up. Don’t overwhelm your day with 60 different goals. I’d pair one passive goal (be on your phone less, for example) with one active goal (study more, take more walks, read more) and go from there. It’s better to start small and be consistent than to start big and quit one day in.
Lower the resistance necessary to accomplish tasks. If you have somewhere to be early tomorrow, plan your outfit the night before. If you have studying to do, have your textbooks/notebooks/notes on your desk by the time you wake up. If you have an overwhelming task, break it into smaller subtasks and focus on them one at a time. If you don’t want to be on your phone in the morning, charge it somewhere you won’t be able to see the moment you open your eyes. I’m trying to overcome the phone issue right now, so instead of setting an alarm on my phone I just bought a digital alarm clock bc I know I’m way less likely to get on my phone that way. I’m lowering the effort needed to actually get started on a task.
Have motivational things handy for when you’re down!! I’m a highly visual person, so it actually really helps me to make moodboards. I have moodboards for things I wanna accomplish, moodboards for things I’ve already accomplished, a Pinterest board for affirmations etc etc. I have a list on my notes app for all the reasons why it’s important to me to accomplish my goals. I have another notes app page dedicated to pasting all the motivational quotes that help me whenever I’m in a funk. You could even print them and hang them up on your wall if you want. In times where instant gratification overshadows getting things done, make it very accessible to remember why they’re important to you to begin with.
Romanticize your tasks. I make silly to-do lists, I make sure I’m always in cute outfits when I’m running errands, I put on perfume and mascara and lip gloss even if I’m literally all on my own in my bedroom about to do a 3 hour study session. I love getting manicures bc there’s nothing more satisfying than studying with pretty dark red fall nails. This may sound extra but I go through my notes pretending I’m Elle Woods or something bc it makes it so much fun. A huge part of why I’m consistent with going to the gym is bc I buy pretty workout fits that just make me feel good. I wear lingerie under my clothes wherever I am bc it makes me feel like a bad bitch even if no one sees it. I don’t start a task with the thought in mind that I want to get it done already—I try to make the act of doing it in and of itself as engaging as possible.
To piggyback off that point, switch your environment if your current one isn’t serving you. Don’t just default to quitting if one approach isn’t working. If studying in your bedroom isn’t doing it, go to the nearest coffee shop. If the coffee shop isn’t working, do the library. Study indoors. Study outdoors. Study in nature. Hell study at a beach if you want to. It doesn’t matter where you are if you’re getting things done. Exhaust all your alternatives before calling it quits.
Set firm boundaries with yourself. This is so big. Self-care is absolutely treating yourself, but it’s also being your own parent and disciplining yourself if you feel like you’re not putting your all into something. In a world where it’s very easy to go “just a few more minutes on my phone” “I’ll do it tomorrow” “I can skip working out today” it’s really important to be able to parent yourself and exercise some tough love and do some things even if you don’t feel like you want to. I really struggle with this as a gen z girl bc this is THE era of instant gratification. But my goals are just more important to me than momentary comfort.
No zero days. Just bc you’re not being your 100% on one day doesn’t mean you should just lie down and do nothing. Being at 50% performance is better than being at 0%. I try to make sure I get some light tasks done on days where I don’t feel like going all in. It helps me not feel like I’ve just derailed my whole life, which consequently helps me move on from my ruts faster.
Look ahead. Can not emphasize this enough. Death motivates me like nothing else. You do not have an infinite time on this earth. You don’t want to be at the same place you’ve been at a year from now. Resist the “I’ll do it tomorrow” mentality as much as possible. Change happens in small increments & there’s no better time for it than the present. What may seem like little things you can skip out on now can quickly snowball into the very things that are preventing you from being where you want to be.
Acknowledge your limits. Someone with two full-time jobs and school should not be comparing themself to the progress of someone with one part-time job and like nothing else. I’m currently studying full-time and also trying to maintain a consistent workout routine, so I don’t expect myself to recreationally read more than 30 minutes a day, even if ideally I’d like that time to be way higher. I know it’s pointless to compare myself to someone who reads 70 books a month but has much less workload than I do. Comparison is inherently flawed bc no one else has been the dealt the cards you’ve been dealt. Tailor your schedule to your own unique situation. Make a list of your priorities and assign them to your hours accordingly.
Listen to your needs!! Mental health is the most important thing. You need to be in tune with yourself to know when you could be pushing yourself a little harder, and when it’s necessary to give yourself time off. If I’m in an actual burnout, I go out with friends. I go see a movie. I give myself the grace of being human and step back for a little bit. It’s completely okay to have those days, and acknowledging them helps you recover quicker. Take care of yourself <3
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girl-dot-tzt · 6 months ago
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Alright results are in, I'm not allowed to finish for 36 days 🙃
Im going to update this as a lil diary to keep me honest💃
Day 1: I'm feeling pretty good, I notice I get really horny when I take my prog the ✨️fun way✨️ so I'm going to use that method to increase the challenge this month. I'm thinking of meeting a friend tomorrow so I'm excited!
Day 2: more of the same, pretty standard, had a great time with said friend. Getting a teeny but pent up but nothing crazy yet.
Day 3: getting more pent up but it's still manageable, made the mistake of reading a ton of horny posts and getting myself really horny. Thankfully I calmed down and now I'm good to go
Day 4: went to work, did some bike wrenching, now im boutta sleep. pretty uneventful but I'm meeting a good friend of mine tomorrow so I plan on making up for the lack of horny twofold. I need to get some Oregonian mutuals bc I'd like to bite someone :3
Day 5: got my tits fondled for like 3 hours while I watched anime and got insanely high, I need like 4 people to hold me down and grope/tease/fuck me... preferably all at once. I've got 31 more daysssssss, does it count if it's hands free? 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️
Day 6: got no sleep, very horny, idk what direction Is up, and I need an answer to the question from yesterday 😫
Day 7: got sleep but not railed because if I get railed too well I'll could possibly finish and idk if that's OK yet :3. I'm going to mountain bike today! I'm super excited bc I need something to take the edge off, if I'm really unlucky I'll get too horny from the idea of getting fucked in the woods and make an update here.
Day 8: we're evening out a little, this may not be impossible, tbf I haven't had time to do much lately so when I finally get the time to ride my toys that might change. I'm planning on doing that tomorrow :3
Day 8 update: I accidentally took two progesterone pills because I boof mine, but I accidentally muscle memory-ed taking my prog orally. Got so horny during work that I nearly cried.
Day 9: I broke some spokes while mountain biking and now I'm sad, but horny and frustrated too. I can only think about being bred, but also being sad that my bike broke, damn fucking stupid sticks getting inbetween my fucking spokes. I need railed bad, etcetera etcetera
Day 10:
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Girl abs, that is all
Day 11: I'm going to fuck myself on the biggest toy I own until I'm crying or edging with my Pspot🧍‍♀️ I will return
Day 12: I'm pretty sure I ended up getting edged. Pretty sure because I've never actually finished hands free before and my vibrator died right before I was about to finish. One of you witchy mother fuckers knew I was about to cheat or something, no other explanations, couldn't possibly be that I forgot to charge toys like a dumbass. Laugh it up, I got edged hard by my ADHD.
Days 13: I had a threesome and it was awesome! I explained my agreement to them and got teased a bunch as me and my friend dommed the fuck out of a gorgeous girl. We groped and kissed and sucked all over her body as she got more and more worked up, until eventually I was fucking her with my big purple vibrator and she came hands free for the first time! We made sure to shower her with all kinds of praise and congratulations 💃💃
Days 14-16: started a new job, I'm getting so horny these days that rather than feeling butterflies it's like an almost painful NEED. Like I just desperately need to get tied up and ground into dust, getting edged with my vibrator did a number on me because I'm a mess rn😆
Days 17-20: if I may be honest i embarked on this endeavor to try to finish hands free, I've never done it before but I desperately want to. I think I'll be able to do it by the end of these 36 days or sooner. Idk it's just a hunch🧍‍♀️
Day 21-29: 10 hr shifts in a lab will drive you nuts when there's nothing to think about but getting railed and ice cream percentages. On the plus side I am not only paid but required to eat ice cream every hour at my job. On the downside, I got so horny I cried last night🧍‍♀️😵‍💫😵‍💫
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leighsartworks216 · 1 year ago
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I Come With Knives Pt2
Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader
Part 1
I am posting this at almost 1am AND I have to get up early tomorrow to do work for class before the actual class haha I plan my time accordingly
I was going to make this chapter longer. I had an idea and I started to write it, but it just wasn't coming out like I wanted it to (bc I'm writing at 12am duh) so I'm gonna put that in another chapter
Warnings: mentions of torture, trauma, hints of paranoia, hints of self-deprecation
Word Count: 1,390
Main Masterlist
First Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist - Second Baldur's Gate 3 Masterlist
I Come With Knives Masterlist
AO3
Tag List Form
After a grueling battle yesterday, you chose to give everyone a day off. It gave them time to rest aching muscles, repair and sharpen weapons, relax. It gave you a chance to bathe.
You didn't neglect your hygiene, but most of the time, once camp was set up, the sun would be dipping below the horizon. On those days, you'd run into the water, scrub the gunk out of your hair and get out, back to the safety of company before the first stars faded in. Now that you had the chance, you weren't going to squander it.
Once you were certain you were alone - an uncomfortable thought soothed only by the sun filtering in through the canopy above - you stripped down and waded into the water. It was cool, but not unpleasantly so. You wasted no time scraping the dirt and blood off your skin.
Once you cleaned your body within an inch of its life, you ducked your head under the water and scrubbed at your hair and scalp. It was disgusting - you could only imagine the smell your companions had put up with this last week. You were just so happy you were clean. Your hair was smooth as water soaked it through, no knots or clumps of blood to be found. As you squeezed out the excess water, you caught your reflection between the ripples. In moments where it stilled enough, you could see the scar on your neck. It was still deep and prominent, but it was beginning to heal. It'd never healed before.
"Enjoying yourself?"
You nearly shrieked when you turned, sinking into the water up to your neck for protection. Astarion chuckled at your reaction.
"Would it kill you to stop sneaking up on me?"
"I was practically stomping like an ogre, dear, it's hardly my fault you weren't paying attention." You shot him a glare, but it was half-hearted. It was your fault you let your guard down. In the day, you were safe from (most) vampires, but there were any number of things ready to attack at any moment. "Mind if I join you?"
You shake your head, but you're already wading to shore to grab your clothes. "No, go ahead. I'm done."
"Leaving already?" You nod, not making eye contact. "I won't look, darling, if that's what's got you so flustered."
You pause mid reach for your shirt as he removes his, placing it haphazardly on a rock by the water's edge. His pants came next and you looked away until you heard the water sloshing around him.
"Though, I don't mind if you look," he teased, sparing one last glance over his shoulder before he got to work cleaning himself.
Gods, if he could hear the way your heart raced... You peek over, just a glance, before you look back at your clothes. But then you're looking again.
An intricate scar of circles, lines, and curved symbols marred his back. You feel your throat close just looking at it. You'd been forced to watch spawn and slaves alike punished by the cracking of a whip. Forced to keep your eyes forward by a hand on your jaw as the leather snapped and tore into their skin. This was worse. This was deliberate.
"Did..." You swallow, forcing your voice not to crack with the sorrow you felt for him. "Did your master do this?"
He hummed, continuing to wash his arms as though you'd asked him about the weather. The only hint it bothered him at all was the way his muscles tensed and the disdain in his voice. "Cazador," he spat. "He considered himself quite the artist and used his slaves as a canvas." His movements slowed to a stop. "He composed and carved that one over the course of a night. He made... a lot of revisions as he went."
You couldn't stop staring. Your mind kept replaying the torture you witnessed, but it replaced their cries with Astarion's voice. You hated to be so lucky. To be so fortunate that your master wanted you to look absolutely perfect and unmarked. You never received physical punishment. You were too precious.
"I'm sorry," you whisper, shakily. "If I could, I'd..." What? Remove the markings forever? Take away his pain and suffering? Go back and change everything so he never had to be a puppet? You couldn't do anything. You can't help. You can't remove that pain. All you can do is witness the aftermath.
He sighed and ducked his head so he could wash his hair. Drops of water slid down his back, only drawing your eyes in further. “It won’t matter when we get to Baldur’s Gate. I’m going to kill that bastard for everything he did to me.”
You know you should leave. Put on your clothes and slink away. But… being around Astarion isn’t entirely unpleasant. You’re still a little scared of him - of what he could do, but you trust him enough to believe he wouldn’t do those things. He probably understood your plight better than anyone else.
So, you slide down into the water until you’re resting on your knees in the silt. It doesn’t quite cover your neck unless you duck deeper in. You want to hide the scar, the damn mark showing everyone else who - or rather, what you belonged to. But it felt wrong to try hiding it when Astarion was fully showing you his.
“I never asked who your master was.” He turns his head slightly, eyes just barely catching sight of you. He did promise he wouldn’t look, after all. “Where she…” He waved a hand noncommittally and scowled. “Rules.”
Her eyes flash in your mind, wicked and burning. You almost flinch just thinking about them. When you speak her name, your voice trembles. “Kir Parthene. I… don’t remember where she lives. It’s been years since I’ve even been outside - I must have forgotten.”
He slowly turns, giving you time to tell him to turn back again, but you don’t. You watch him through a fog of memories. “How long were you enslaved?”
It’s harder to answer than you thought it would be. Time begins to blur when you can’t tell if it’s night or day, when everything is fuzzy and incoherent because you never had enough blood to think straight. Sometimes she’d feed and then leave you for days. Others, she never wanted to stop feeding - drinking from you morning and night before you ever got a chance to recover. You were a slave to her hunger - time never mattered.
“I was… 16 when I was taken.” You wrap your arms around yourself. Safe. “I don’t even remember home. My parents… I’m all alone.”
He’d never heard your voice so small before. You weren’t the most demanding leader, but you could still bark commands when things were getting rough. You even held yourself well in conversation, shutting down lopsided deals or uncomfortable topics with all the authority of a royal guard. It was easier, seeing you like this, to imagine your life in servitude. Meek and quiet.
“That’s not entirely true.” He kneeled in the silt a few feet from you, smirking. “You have us for as long as this adventure lasts, as long as we don’t transform into tentacled Mind Flayers.”
“And then after that?” He shifts uncomfortably at the question. “Everyone will go their separate ways, and when you do I’m a sitting duck. I’ll be captured again. Used again.”
You trail off, but the weight of your words sit heavy. You’ll never be free. You could help everyone else with their quests, help them free themselves from what ties them down, help them get stronger - but the same couldn’t be done for you. Without knowing where your master lives, there’s no way to seek her out and kill her, too.
The water is too cold now. The cool summer breeze only freezes you more. Astarion watches as you get up and slink back over to your clothes. He looks away before he can see anything you wouldn’t want him to. In no time at all, your clothes are back on and you’ve pulled on your boots. But before you walk away, you turn to him. Your eyes are so sad.
“Thank you. For… showing me.” He says nothing. So you head back to camp. Alone.
---
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softguarnere · 1 year ago
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ok dove, my love, the writer I aspire to be bc your fics are actually 🤌 I was wondering if you could mayhaps appease my craving for a Joe Toye x sick reader fic? I'm quite literally dying of bronchitis and a double ear infection and I have done nothing but reread your work bc it's literally like drugs for me oml
anyway I hope you're doing okay and autumn treats you wonderfully!! <333
In Sickness and In Health
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Joe Toye x reader
A/N: Hey Sky! You are too sweet, oh my goodness 🙈 Thank you so so much! I'm so sorry that you're sick, and I hope you're feeling better now 💕 Get well soon beloved, and I hope you enjoy this! (This is written for the fictional depictions from the show - no disrespect to the real life veterans!) Also, just a reminder that my requests are closed; I wrote this as part of catching up on requests that were already in my asks Warnings: unspecified sickness
This isn’t how it was supposed to happen, you can’t help but think for the millionth time today. But no, every time you think about your original plans for the weekend, the temperature of the room feels even hotter, the pinpricks of sweat on your brow and neck even more prominent, and the pain in your stomach even worse.
“Joe,” you sigh when the man in question takes a seat on the bed, making the mattress at your feet dip under his weight.
He holds up a hand, stopping your sentence in its tracks. “Don’t you dare apologize again.”
His voice is gentle, but you can’t help leaning back onto your pillow and sighing. Because you are sorry. Really, really sorry, for just about everything you can think of. The fact that you travelled all this way for your husband’s reunion with his old army buddies, only to get sick the night before; that he’s taking care of you when he should be catching up with old friends and reminiscing over memories; that he won’t listen to you when you insist that he can leave you here.
“You should go see your friends.” They’re probably all down at the hotel bar by now. Even though the reunion won’t officially start until tomorrow, some of them are probably pregaming.
“I can’t. Not when I’m taking care of you. I made a vow, remember? In sickness and in health.”
I really do have the perfect husband, you can’t help but think to yourself. How many other men would shrug it off, or sneak away once you were asleep? Strange, how the roles have been reversed here, with you insisting that he go, that you can fend for yourself.
You sigh again. “I just – I feel bad. We came all this way to see your friends, and all you’ve gotten to see so far is the inside of this hotel room.”
But Joe only shrugs. “Well, the reunion doesn’t even start until tomorrow. Maybe you’ll feel better by then. We’ll just see what happens. Besides,” he rushes on before you can continue. “A lot of the guys live in Pennsylvania anyways. If we want to see each other, we can just make the drive some other time.”
“But Joe,” you stress. “This is the Easy reunion. This was important to you.”
“You’re important to me,” he deadpans, but his eyes are soft. “I won’t be able to enjoy any of it if I’m worrying about you the whole time.”
Oh. You had been so caught up in worrying about him enjoying himself that you hadn’t even considered that. Maybe the combination of the sickness and the medicine has clouded your judgement. Or maybe just your love for him has.
“You should rest,” Joe suggests. “Do you want me to get you anything?”
You want for him to hold you, to make you feel better. But unfortunately, there are some things in the world that not even a man as strong as Joe Toye can fight off, and sickness is one of them.
The two of you have been together for quite some time now, though, and he knows you well enough to read your mind. Without even asking, he kicks off his shoes, adjusts his prosthetic leg, and curls up beside you on the bed, wrapping you in his arms.
“Let me know if you get too hot,” he whispers. When you nod, he repeats his sentiment from earlier. “Don’t worry, okay, (Y/N)? We’ll see what happens in the morning.”
The morning feels like such a distant time. Right now, the only time that means anything is that which you spend in his arms.  
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a-mel0n · 6 months ago
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This stupid "Your Name" Bucktommy AU won't leave my brain, and while I don't have enough faith in my writing skills to actually write the damn thing (and it would be my first fanfic... ever?? and that's a project that seems a bit too big for me lmao), I DID write down what I'm picturing some of the "rules" Buck and Tommy have for each other while in the other's body. Mostly just for fun. (Because Tommy would be switching in 2006, the iPhone does not exist yet, so all of his notes are written in an actual physical journal. All of Buck's notes would be on the Notes app of his phone)
TOMMY: 1) Evan, stop running into burning buildings when you don’t have to while in my body. If I wake up in a hospital bed for the fifth time this month, I might actually lose it.
its part of the job to save as many ppl as possible. also u don’t even feel the pain when i get injured in ur body.
You’re right, I don’t. Unfortunately, the pain from having a wooden beam fall on you doesn't just magically go away when we swap. Just... be more careful? Please?
fine. i’ll try and keep ur hospital visits to a minimum.
2) Can you stop flirting with people on calls? Or at the very least give them your number and not mine? In the last week alone my contact list has nearly doubled because you keep giving people my number. 
dude its not my fault you’re more popular while i’m you. just think of it as me being ur wingman! how u dont have a girlfriend is beyond me btw. hot chicks love firefighters and ur a good looking dude
Jesus Christ, Evan. For the last time, I’m single by choice.
3) Don’t shower while in my body
already dont
4) Don’t go to the bathroom while in my body 
done
5) In fact, unless you’re at work, don’t change any of my clothes while in my body. 
fair
6) Do you really need to spend so much of my paychecks on cooking supplies? I have enough pots and pans already. 
whats the point of a pantry if its half empty. be thankful ur getting actual food now via my leftovers instead of the utter tragedy that was the state of ur fridge when we first started swapping places.
7) Don’t make a scene while at work. 
your boss sucks ass and his stupid orders are going to get people killed. im not gonna listen to him if hes making bad calls while lives are on the line
Evan.
8) Don’t pick up the phone when my dad calls.
got it
BUCK: 1) quit going to eddie’s basketball pickup games. he keeps inviting me while i’m in my own body and its getting harder and harder to come up with excuses as to why i can’t go. it's kinda awkward.
I thought you’d be more grateful, Evan. You’re the coolest guy on the court when I’m you. 
2) are you making movie references when ur me? bc chim keeps asking when i got so “cultured” and the other day maddie asked when i watched the princess bride. 
You haven’t seen the Princess Bride? I’m leaving you a surprise for tomorrow. Check your couch when you wake up. 
did you spend my OWN money on a dvd??? i don’t even own a dvd player. i own every streaming service imaginable.
3) keep the finger guns to a minimum?? idk why you do them so much but both hen and chim have said smth abt it
4) if u get a call from someone called connor or kameron on my phone just let it go to voicemail its personal stuff and i'll deal with it
Evan, you could have told me you agreed to be a sperm donor yourself. Finding out because Connor and Kameron showed up at the fire house was more of a shock than finding out over these memos would have been. 
they did what?????
5) don’t talk to my parents
Done.
6) No rule about undressing? 
dude idc. i’m not gonna stop you from taking a piss in my body if u need to. as long as you like. don’t have sex with someone while you’re me? oh wait hang on i DO have a rule about undressing
7) DON’T HAVE ANY RANDOM HOOK UPS IN MY BODY. 
Wasn’t planning on it, but good to know. 
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omo-queer · 1 year ago
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hi! tysm for your answer 🥺 i looked up "rapid desperation" online and based on my own understanding, this is how it works:
1. drink the same specific amount of water every 15 mins within an hour (you can pee within that 1 hour).
2. after that first hour, you should continue doing it but this time, the hold starts. bathrooms are not allowed.
after this, what shall i do next? do i just keep drinking until i can't hold it anymore? or should i set a goal (for example, wait for 2 hours until i can finally pee)?
thank you so much for helping a beginner out! 💗 also looking forward to more of your blogs
- 🩰
the rapid desperation approach i've seen and used a variant on myself is:
drink at least a glass (350ml/12oz or about that) every hour. this works best if you start this at least an hour or two before the hold, and pee as normal. this part basically gives your kidneys the heads-up that they're gonna be moving water fast bc you keep drinking it.
then do what you're implying—drink a glass every 15 minutes for a hour during which you can pee regularly
after that, you're holding. continue drinking at 15 minute intervals, and keep going until you lose control—the idea behind rapid desperation is that it makes this part go quickly because you've told your body to make pee faster, essentially.
this takes more planning than just like. not peeing for a long time. but it can get some interesting results. i would honestly recommend you try a couple regular holds before you go for rapid desperation, making sure not to go past the point of pain (discomfort is fine but pain you have to be careful about), because rapid desperation is one of the easier ways to have to worry about electrolyte balance (salt/potassium stuff) if you do it way too hard or way too fast. that said, i mentioned it because you were asking for specific challenges and it's a very fun one, just as long as you listen to your body.
remember, your safety comes before anything else—holding is good fun but it's important to learn what your body can and can't do, and to listen when it gives you signs to stop. you're very unlikely to hold so long you seriously hurt yourself, because the body usually gives up trying to hold it in before that's likely. but in rare cases you can experience water toxicity or overwork the muscles around your bladder if you go way too hard right out of the gate and don't listen to your body. try not to hold two days in a row when you're first starting out, and give yourself longer breaks of at least a few days between intense holds (where you actually lose control or get really close) to give your bladder and your muscles time to recover.
ok. that's the safety lecture over. it's not really that risky a kink, i just really wanted to stress how important listening to your body is when holding.
if you haven't done any holds yet, my first recommendation would be to drink liquids as normal, maybe slightly more than normal, and wait until they catch up to your bladder—eventually, if you keep drinking normally, you won't be able to hold any longer and will begin leaking or even wet yourself. even getting close to this is really thrilling. coffee/tea and other diuretics help get you more desperate, too. i typically wait until i'm right on the edge of wetting and then either go to the bathroom or (if i have the situation to) keep holding until i lose control. setting a timer that's a little overambitious usually also works for me because i tend to have a bit more bladder strength than i assume... but i've also been recreationally holding it for a pretty long time, all things considered.
thank you for reaching out! i hope my answers are helpful. i'm glad you enjoy my posts—might do a hold tomorrow or the next day or something, and it seems folks have been submitting anons for bladder control (which i love!!) so there will no doubt be more posts on the way.
i'll be asleep for a while once i post this, but feel free to send in any other questions you have via ask or dm! and of course, i always welcome talking about holds/experiences in my inbox!
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