#but! It should be said!
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hey hey hey guess what! I was hospitalized around this time in May in 2014 for anorexia nervosa. I spent two weeks in the hospital and then three weeks in an inpatient program. I struggled with anorexia through high school and college and returned to restrictive eating multiple times. Food for the longest time wasn't safe. It's something I thought about day in and day out and it brought me a huge amount of anxiety and distress.
It's been a decade since I was hospitalized. I've come a long way since then and I'm proud to say that food isn't something I'm afraid of anymore. For four years now I haven't restricted or done any of my anorexic habits. There are still things that trigger that ED feeling, and I think there always will be, but I haven't felt the need to listen to it. I eat what I want, when I want, without any guilt or fear. This is something that would have been unimaginable to 2014 me. I've come so far. I'm so relived to be able to find joy in food again. I'm really proud!
#rays random ramblings#this isn't worded the best maybe - I haven't gotten a whole lot of sleep lol#but! It should be said!#I should call my auntie and tell her! She helped me so much when it was at its worst#tw eating disorders#the only food thing now is the really normal adhd thing where I get super involved in a project and forget to eat#and then I complete the thing and go 'ah I need to eat'#and I do that. no worrying or overthinking or a million calculations and mental checks#I just eat and enjoy it and think nothing of it#and in retrospect like- THAT'S AMAZING#that's so cool!#I have hunger cues and I listen to them look at me hehe#I eat chips and make lemonade with my siblings#ice cream!!! I eat ice cream now!!!#lmao xD#it's just so much off of my mental load it's such a relief
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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(+part 2)
#a tale told in three frames…#to everyone who said that other flavours are better should know that i had monster energy like once in my life#and i only did so cause it was the cool thing to do in the alt sphere#but thats all history#im neurodivergent tho so i ended feeling super sleepy afterwards#original art#fanart#digital art#digital illustration#laios dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi laios#dunmeshi#senshi dungeon meshi#senshi dunmeshi#senshi delicious in dungeon#marcille donato#marcille dungeon meshi#marcille dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon marcille#chilchuck#why does chilchuck only have 1 tag??? 😭😭😭😭#procreate#fan comic#+part2?? isnt that the name of the starving artist game??/j
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today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery
#if god thinks i should get top surgery he needs to venmo me $9000 usd#there was someone in the gay social hour who said she had gotten kicked out of multiple catholic churches (for being trans)#and her therapist recommended this church specifically....#going into affirming churches still makes me a little emotional if i am being fully honest. if you have an affirming religious space#i hope you can hold onto that shit with your life#anyway. charming way to think about it i like it more than the bread and wine one personally#me#edit: to clarify this was at an episcopalian church
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not to be controversial bc I know this is like…not in line with shifting opinions on fanfic comment culture but if there’s a glaring typo in my work I will NOT be offended by pointing it out. if ao3 fucks up the formatting…I will also not be offended by having this pointed out…
‘looking forward to the next update’ and ‘I hope you update soon!’ are different vibes than a demand, and should be read in good faith because a reader is finding their way to tell you how much they love it. I will not be mad at this.
‘I don’t usually like this ship but this fic made me feel something’ is also incredibly high praise. I’m not going to get mad at this.
even ‘I love this fic but I’m curious about why you made [x] choice’ is just another way a reader is engaging in and putting thought into your work.
I just feel like a lot of authors take any comment that’s not perfectly articulated glowing praise in the exact manner they’re hoping to receive it in bad faith.
fic engagement has been dropping across the board over the last several years, and yes it’s frustrating but it isn’t as though I can’t see how it happens. comment anxiety can be a real thing. the last thing anyone wants to do is offend an author they love, and that means sometimes people default to silence.
idk where I’m going with this I guess aside from saying unless a comment is outright attacking me I’m never going to get mad at it, and I think a lot of authors should feel the same way. ESPECIALLY TYPOS PLZ GOD POINT OUT MY TYPOS.
#ao3#archive of our own#fanfiction#tbh even if I got a comment that said ‘I hate you I’m going to kill your family’ on chapter 75 it still means they read 75 chapters first….#it just makes me sad to see so many writers shouting into the void#and also see ppl complain openly about the specific types of comments they receive#posting screenshots on Reddit like ‘should I be mad at this’ CALM DOWN#sigh
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because here's the thing here's the thing the question was not "would you be more surprised to run into a fairy or a walrus" the question was "would you be more surprised to find a fairy or a walrus AT YOUR DOOR" and while no, i do not believe in fairies and would be surprised to know they EXIST i would NOT be surprised to find one at my door. HOWEVER, if a WALRUS shows up at my door i have to contend with the fact that a walrus somehow made it to my apartment specifically and knocked on my door for god knows what reason. i would be more surprised to know that a fairy EXISTS, of course, but NOT that they're at my door, do you get me?
#am i reading too much into the question YES#but like someone else said there is narrative precedence for a fairy at your door#SHOULD a fairy exist#like if a fairy shows up at my door i've got bigger problems you know
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learning that self deprecation isnt cool and just makes the people around you uncomfortable unironically improved my mental health a lot. like if you just stop saying negative shit about yourself you will genuinely like yourself more and other people wont be repulsed by your attitude and you will have more friends. it's true.
#people will fr go ''god im such an ugly loser LOL i suck at everything i do and i should just kms“#and then go “why does no one want to be around me”#maybe because your attitude sucks. maybe because i said 'those mean things you say about yourself arent true'#and you spent five minutes arguing with me about how im wrong.#00
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my dad's girlfriend- who is generally a conservative and who "doesn't really get into politics"- told me tonight that she learned about project 2025 & is going to vote in this election to try to help prevent Trump from getting into office. and that she's gonna try to convince my dad to vote (also for the first time ever) to do the same.
what I'm saying is I think we should keep talking about this.
#like holy fuck dude lol i was genuinely shocked when she said that#maybe i should start dropping into conversation that I'm actually gonna have to leave the country if Trump gets elected lol
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When beloved mutuals are like oh no tumblr might be going down add me on discord! like okay I love you I’m kissing you on the mouth I’ll die without your little posts but am I going to message you? are you going to message me? we all know this is not going to happen.we r open pasture creatures we both need a place to post freely
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(Meme made by Me, @1930sdarlin )
#one of my mutuals thought this was funny and said i should post it#i hope you guys enjoy this meme i thought of when learning Skully was from a small town#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst skully#twst epel#skully j graves#epel felmier#twisted wonderland skully#twisted wonderland epel#twst meme#Megs' drabbles
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her hair so CRISPY
(commission!)
#bg3#bg3 fanart#shadowheart#baldur's gate 3#love how i threw her in a lake one fanart ago and now she's sufferin the consequences#as someone who has dyed their black hair to platinum blonde.#YOU SHOULD NEVER LIFT YOUR HAIR THAT MUCH IN ONE NIGHT I AM BEGGING YOU#she can do it bc hot girl shit#but doing this irl???? will snap your hair in half#anyway#the commissioner said shadowheart and i went feral. blacked out. let selune take me
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They have since left four premature babies to decompose on their beds. They have since kidnapped, stripped, tortured civilians and tried to frame them as Hamas fighters for their propaganda. They have since shot people at refugee camps execution style. They have since targeted academics and poets and directors. They have since killed 86 journalists. Still no ceasefire.
psa: i know that many of us did NOT doubt this for a second, neither did i. this is targeted at the people who educated themselves for the first time about this genocide and discovered the absolute horrific things that Israel is capable of doing to Palestinians, with the unwavering support of its allies.
#i rem clearly that video of the first hospital that was bombed#how israel first denied it and said that it was a failed hamas rocket#then it said it attacked the hospital because hamas was hiding in there#and i rem thinking that this would get every world leader outraged#that they would do everything to stop this genocide#that was too many weeks ago#nothing has changed#this should terrify us all#this could have been us in that hospital#in that house in that refugee camp in that ambulance in that street#nowhere is safe in Palestine#nowhere#free palestine#palestine#free gaza#gaza
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i hate you "influencers", i hate you tiktok, i hate you "content creators", i hate you "unalive" and "s€x" and "dr/ügs", i hate you instagram, i hate you consumerism, i hate you family friendly, i hate you puritans, i hate you facebook, i hate you family vloggers, i hate you violating other people's privacy, i hate you modern day social media
#sjonnie.text#i just saw someone make a 50 SECONDS reel about combining movie genres and movies and it was scream and romance and it was 50 SECONDS and#they said “i'm sorry i unalived all those people” go actually fuck yourself.#IF YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORD MURDER KILL DRUGS SEX ETC YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT THOSE TOPICS#AND SHOULD NOT PRODUCE CONTENT OF IT#i hate this “family friendly” aesthetic jesus fucking christ#text post#anti instagram#anti tiktok#anti influencers#anti capitalism#20k
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create tango you will always be famous
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palestinians refuse to lose hope, and you need to do the same. it is very difficult to not spiral into despair when it feels like all you can do is watch this unfold on social media but you can't let that happen. you cannot let yourself become numb and exhausted and indifferent. stay furious and stay devastated. hold onto your grief and let it give you the power to keep pushing. to keep protesting, boycotting, calling your state representatives and congress members if you live in the us - you have to stay emotional. israel and the us want to bully you into numbness and despair because that's the key to getting away with this. either get your citizens to accept your propaganda as gospel truth or make them give up the fight.
apathy and doom-spirals only aid in israel and the us's genocide of palestine. you have to keep hoping and you have to keep believing that yes if you try hard enough you can contribute to making a difference. don't look away, and don't give up either, okay? 🇵🇸💗
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I updated the breeder on what's been happening, and she called Belphie out for being bald
#belphegor#it was nice talking to her#she said that in her 12 years of breeding she's only seen 2 cases of FIP#so it really was just extraordinary bad luck that Belphie developed it#also I think my ignorance played a part in me thinking things were normal for so long!!#I thought we were just in the bald phase of Devon Rex kittenhood#TURNS OUT HE SHOULD HAVE GROWN FUR BY NOW#AHHHHHHH!
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