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kim-ruzek · 3 years ago

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How to make a marriage work

Summary: If you had told when she first met Hank Voight that one day she’d be going to him for relationship advice, Kim would’ve strongly recommended you get your head checked out.

Set sometime in season three; Kim needs advice on how to be married, and goes to one of the only people in her life who's had a successful marriage.

Word Count: 2.5k

Read on AO3

Notes: This is a gift for Cíara (@fighterkimburgess ). They put me in my parental feels and i just have this need to Reward and gift them things. I've had this idea for a while and never planned on writing it bc I never could make it work, and it's self indulgent and I couldn't work out how it'd fit with season three Voight (bc he's not on the level, say, season seven Voight is) but my mind is inspired today and it just worked.

But yes. This is self indulgent and bc I was in my dad! Voight feels and Cíara just has a remarkable and incredible way of saying things that one) inspires me and two) makes me understand the nuances of this man.

Plus y'know. We've got burzek being cute in this and that promo dictated I needed to write cute burzek.

Enjoy!!!

Come on, Kimberly. Kim tells herself, her inner voice taking on a firm, no nonsense tone that reminds her strongly of Platt’s. You’ve faced down guns, you can do this.

Her mind rebels against that sentiment, and she wonders if she was actually given the choice—to do this, or to face down yet another gun—if she’d choose the gun, depending how much she’s bricking it right now.

It’s just Voight, she thinks, taking a few more deep breaths. Of course, it’s not just Voight. Physically, yes, it’s just the Sargent. But it’s not just Voight, it’s her boss, it’s the man who holds everyone to such high professional standards, it’s Voight after hours, it’s an unscheduled meeting.

And, the thing that’s playing on her mind so much, the thing that has made her keep hesitating, it’s the man who looked over her for Intelligence because of his perceived understanding of Adam and her.

There’s a lot of reasons that makes Kim justified about trying to go up to Voight’s office and instead having false starts, turning back around to flee to the locker room before he could see her. Even if she’s fearless in the face of danger, she still has every right to be unsure about this.

After all, he is her boss. And he might care about those he’s in charge of, especially his unit and Kim likes to think it’s also to those close to them. Definitely Platt, but also herself and Roman. But he dictates when things are personal, and that’s so far and few between. He’s a man who plays everything close to the chest and there’s so many reasons that tells Kim that this isn’t something she should consider, that he’s probably just going to give her a look and dismiss her.

And Kim definitely will be risking whatever chance she has left of ever being offered a spot in intelligence.

All this is valid, and if anyone else knew of her plans, they’d agree that she’d be justified to just scrap this whole idea. But every day of this job is a lesson, and Kim has learnt a lot since starting. And she’s learnt a lot since Voight came in as their new Sargent—especially when Adam was hired.

Kim was passed over because Voight thought she was sleeping with Adam. And that hurt, hurt more than Kim thinks she’d ever be able to express in words.

But through that, Kim learnt things about herself. That she’s determined, and this is her dream, and that she can still succeed and achieve even when she’s passed over. And that she should just stick to what she’s doing, to prove herself, to show that everything she does, especially in her personal life, doesn’t affect what kind of cop she is.

A lesson that came in handy when she was shot, and he actually offered her the spot. That she knew she wanted to earn it in a different way, not just because she was shot.

Kim also learned something else. That this job may her everything, and that intelligence may be her dream, but there are some things that’s worth being flexible over.

That Adam is worth being flexible for.

The day they got together, Kim had already been passed over. And by dating Adam, she was risking it happening again, but she had learnt that she just needs to keep what she’s doing, showing she can be an uncompromised cop, even while dating in house. And that Adam, she wanted Adam so much that she wasn’t going to deprive herself of something that could be so good just for an opportunity she may never get.

And then she proved herself, even when dating Adam, and Kim knows her choice was right, even if she turned the promotion down.

And it was after then, even though she knows just how much intelligence is her dream, that she knew that Adam—being with him—is her dream, too. And Kim has no control, not really, over her intelligence dream. All she can do is keep being a good cop, and hoping that it pays off. But she has control over her and Adam, about the dream she has for them, of making sure the ring on her finger actually means something.

That lesson, perhaps, was the most important one for her to learn. Jobs come and go, even something as amazing as intelligence. Kim wants to one day be something higher than a detective, so she may have to leave intelligence anyway, and there’s more units and good positions in the cpd to be in, even if intelligence is her dream.

But soulmates? That person who just gets you, that person you love with your whole heart? That’s one in a lifetime, and that’s who Adam is. Adam is her love and who knows what her future, job wise, holds, but Kim knows that Adam is her future.

Knows that she wants Adam to be her future, wants the life they are trying so hard to get, even if things are tough right now.

Kim can feel that future slip away. She can feel it in any slightly edged remark they exchange, can feel it in how they keep pushing off the wedding planning, can feel it in how sometimes she’s so reluctant to go home.

And she doesn’t want it to slip away. She wants Adam. She wants him to be hers for the rest of her life, for them to grow old together. She wants to be his bride, his wife, the mother of his kids. She wants all this, but she’s been feeling like she’s scrabbling against a flat wall, unable to climb over. Like she knows what’s on the other side, a happy life, but she doesn’t know how to get there.

And Kim wants to know. And Voight— Voight is the answer to that.

If you had told when she first met Hank Voight that one day she’d be going to him for relationship advice, Kim would’ve strongly recommended you get your head checked out. Her Sargent is a tough man, who so very rarely shows his softer side.

Kim might even doubt he has one, if it wasn’t for those two times in the hospital, when Zoey was critical and when she was shot.

But things are spiralling, spiralling in a way she does not want them to spiral, in her and Adam’s relationship and she doesn’t know how to stop it. Kim doesn’t think they need relationship counselling—they’re not that messy, not to her—but she needs advice.

It was a realisation that came to her one late night. Adam’s arm was wrapped around her waist, him snoring softly next to her and if she closed her eyes, she could almost forget the epic fight they had not five minutes before bed.

Although, Kim wonders, can it even be a fight, not to mention able to be described as epic, if it was done in hushed whispers? Olinsky and his daughter were in their living room, so they used muted tones, but the words were biting, almost more than any of their other fights ever were.

It was in this realisation that Kim also realised that she doesn’t exactly know anyone with a thriving and successful marriage. Anyone she went to school with who is married doesn’t have the same relationship and life dynamics as she does, and Kim’s socialisation tends to just be limited to those she works with or the other first responders.

And first responders have such tough jobs, and such because of the nature of it, relationships aren’t exactly the most successful thing about their lives.

The only person her age who Kim could think of who had a successful marriage is Natalie, but she’s just met the doctor and asking a grieving widow—no matter how long you’ve known them—the secrets to a successful marriage is just cruel.

Olinsky has been married a long time, even despite everything, him and Meredith are only separated. But the very act of them being separated perhaps disqualifies him from being someone to seek marriage advice from. Especially as, from what Kim has gathered, they seemed to have a flawed relationship anyway, despite being in love.

There’s always Herrmann, of course. But while Kim gets along with the man, the thought of asking him this felt too personal. And she wasn’t sure if he’d be much help. He has a very successful marriage, and his job is tough like hers, but the dynamics just didn’t feel right for who she wants advice from. Adam and her, they’re stubborn and closed off and they need a guide like that.

Platt has a successful relationship, but she’s already someone Kim goes to. A great help, even if Kim ends up getting more information than she wishes for, but she needs a second pair of eyes and a fresh perspective.

And finally, Antonio. Antonio has been a great help to her when it comes to the job, but he’s divorced and Kim’s not sure if he’d be the best person to go to.

Which just leaves Voight. And as far as Kim knows, Voight’s the only one in their circle who’s had a successful marriage.

Of course, Voight doesn’t like personal talk. And Kim rather gets the impression that only a small handful of people gets to see Voight talking about his wife, especially as he’s a widow. But she has to try.

Taking a deep breath, Kim heads out the locker room and towards the bullpen—towards Voight’s office. It’s after hours and everyone is home or on a stakeout, and Voight’s doing paperwork. Kim had texted Adam saying she’ll be late home, not telling him it’s because she’s going to his boss for relationship advice.

Kim hesitates before she knocks on his office door, and she nearly runs away-- again—but then Voight looks up at that moment, their eyes locking.

Well, she thinks, here goes nothing.

Kim raps lightly on the door, Voight still watching her, curiously, as she does so. He waves her in before she even finished her tap and she opens the door cautiously, offering him a half smile.

“Burgess.” He gives her a nod. “Shouldn’t you be home by now?”

“Yeah. I just—I wanted to ask you something, if that’s alright? If you’re busy I can go—” Kim tells him. There’s half a second pause, but then Voight’s waving at the seat in front of his desk, telling her to sit down. She does.

“If it’s about intelligence, I don’t have room.” Voight says before she can start and Kim’s certain that she turns red, cringing at the thought that he might think of her that desperate.

“No, it’s nothing about that. It’s well, uh,” She really didn’t think this through, and she wishes she thought more about how to ask him. Voight just raises his eyebrows, leaning back slightly, waiting for her to finish.

“Well, you were married, right? And you know that Adam and I...well you know. And I just want to know—well, how? How did you do it? We see so much and we all have our own issues on top of that and I just. I don’t know how to make a marriage work.” Saying the words out loud makes it hit Kim, makes the reality so much more real, and her heart twists. Twists that she can’t believe in them, that she needs help to do something she should already know how to do. Twists at how much just admitting this has lifted a weight of her shoulders, showing just how bad she is at this.

Surprise is written all over Voight’s face; he had clearly not expected this to be what she was going to say. It feels like eternity, Voight just looking at her, before he speaks.

“Camille—my wife—is to thank for that.” He begins, leaning forward, looking serious but with a softness to his expression. “She was... An angel. Patient but firm, and she didn’t take any shit and no work excuses.”

There’s another pause, and Kim waits patiently, just glad that he didn’t just dismiss her, or tell her that she had no business even asking.

“I was wrong, to judge you and Ruzek. You’re both professionals and I can see you’re well suited to each other. My Camille was a romantic, and I think she would’ve been quite taken with the pair of you—and please, take that as a compliment. I don’t think she would’ve liked Erin with Halstead. Me, I’m not so much of one, just do your work and I’m good. So I won’t be much help,” Kim gets it, understands, but she can’t help but feel deflated at that.

“But,” Voight continues before she can stand up to go. “You’re good police, Burgess. Both you and Ruzek are. I’ll tell you some things my Camille taught me, and I hope that it helps.”

It doesn’t take long for Voight to say all he had to say, him saying everything very manner of fact in that way of his, but Kim appreciates the gesture for what it is. That this is Voight showing his belief in her—in Adam, too—and that means just as much as Voight sharing this with her.

Kim thinks that Camille must’ve been a wonderful woman, thinking about how Voight’s lips turned up slightly, his eyes lighting up that little bit more, as he repeated what his wife had taught him to her. And a wise woman, she thinks, as his words replays in her mind as she heads home, feeling more certain and confident in her relationship, in the future of her relationship, than she ever has been.

“Hey,” Kim immediately greets Adam with warmth in her voice when she gets home, wrapping her arms around him, cuddling into his body. She doesn’t miss the lookout surprise on his face, however, or how it quickly fades, him wrapping his arms around her tight and sighing contently.

“Hey, darlin’. Where have you been?” He asks, kissing the top of her head.

“Just had to finish some stuff up at work.” Kim answers, talking into him as she still cuddles to him.

“Hm? Anything important?”

“Nothing that’s more important than being with you,” Kim answers truthfully, Voight’s words ringing around her head. She then tilts her head up, still in his arms, so she could look at him. “I was thinking. About us getting our own place? Since we can’t decide right now, I’m just going to move in with you. Living together is more important to me then where we’re living.”

“Darlin’ no, I want to give you what you want. We’ll find a place,” Adam shakes his head and Kim steals a quick kiss before continuing.

“I know we will. I’m not saying to stop looking, just. I want to actually live in one place, so until we do, I’m ending my lease and moving in here, properly.” Kim explains.

“Well, I have no complaints about that,” Adam grins, kissing her. “What made you decide this?”

“Just got reminded about what’s really important. And that’s us. Not where we live, or when we get married or anything. Just me and you and our love.” Kim answers, smiling up at him, her smile only grinning as she sees the affect her words have on him.

“I love you, darlin’,”

“I love you, too. Now, to what’s actually important right now—you, lifting me up and taking me to bed, right this second. I need you to fuck me, future husband.” Kim says, watching as Adam’s eyes darken, him gripping her tighter.

“Your wish is my command, future Mrs Ruzek,”

#burzek #kim burgess #hank voight #adam ruzek #kim burgess x adam ruzek #chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #ree writes #ree's.writing

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years ago

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12. The Apex is Falling

This is the longest chapter of this story at a whopping 6819 words. I hated making a chapter that long for this fic in this fandom, but like... I just couldn’t break it anywhere that I thought about. So, sorry about that bit, folks. I don’t know if anything here is necessarily triggering, mostly just sort of sad and troubling.

The Monroes did not appreciate the amount of retroactive damage control that they had to do behind Grace’s former behavior, however. As it was, they did spin the story in order to paint Grace as a girl who felt threatened and needed to defend herself. They were mostly disappointed that she lied to them and that her lies weren’t buried. If she was going to lie, she could have at least made sure that it never saw the light of day! Her mother wasn’t currently speaking to her and her father was being as extreme in his rules as ever before. She had embarrassed them. She embarrassed them at the Corn Dog Express, and CERTAINLY when the assault allegations arose. She didn’t see the need to point out that the first was actually Simon, not her, because her mother had been very vocal about how stupid it was to leave her wallet behind, “As though Simon ever has money!”

It wasn’t worth explaining to her that Simon usually carried her small items in his pockets when they were together and she had presumed that he had her wallet. It wasn’t worth speaking at all, because her mother was so infuriated with her that after she completed her obligatory bitching about things, she began her unscheduled silent treatment. Nothing that Grace would say would matter until Mrs. Monroe deemed her worthy of regaining her attention. 10 year old grace would have fallen apart. Soon to be 16 year old Grace just took her verbal berating with a grain of salt and the mental note that Simon was on her shitlist.

Their birthdays weren’t too far from each other’s. Simon’s fell towards the end of August and hers was about a month later, so they generally combined birthday efforts, and this year, they were turning 16. That meant a lot of big things for Simon. He was going to be liberated from his parent’s guardianship, he had his permit and only needed to take a test for his license, he would be old enough to work a real job, and all of those combined things meant that he would legally be an adult. This is extremely important to him.

Children had no power. They couldn’t make money. They couldn’t legally drive. They couldn’t find a home and live by their own rules. It was an excruciating reality, and no matter how much he tried to prove his worth in the real world, as long as he had no legality to his adulthood, people didn’t take him as seriously as they should have. He didn’t like that. This was the first birthday that he was looking forward to since his childhood.

Grace wasn’t as stoked about hers. She was so disinterested that she wanted them to have their birthday party closer to his birthday, instead. Her mother absolutely shot that idea down. She was going to have a very big and deliberate Sweet 16 party and was going to invite every single famous person that she now knew, along with the most upstanding students at the academy, and the children of politicians and entrepreneurs that the Monroes respected and valued. Simon didn’t mind waiting a month for a party like that, at all. Plus, it would give him time to maybe gather up the nerve to ask her out, officially. Her birthday was technically September 23 at 6:45 am, but the party was on Saturday the 22, and would still be happening at Midnight, which would be considered her birth date. So, he wanted to ask her then. He wanted to get her a gift. Not to add to her hope chest like all of her tribute trinkets, but something that would show that she was his. He had ideas for years. A lot of them, very expensive, ergo impossible. Some of them, complicated, ergo improbable. He wanted to do something that he had the power or skill to do, that was also a worthy offering to her of himself and his emotions, and still have it be something that she would also enjoy.

He was fortunate that as her long term right hand, he had the power of the Apex on his side. The rich kids at school who lived for her were more than willing to contribute to his cause and her girl sect went above and beyond being helpful in arranging things and assisting in his planning process. The main mission was complete secrecy. He didn’t want anyone involved to speak with anyone else about their role or donation. He wanted it to be a surprise to her and everyone else. He wanted to woo her in the most memorable way and to create something so magnificent that there wouldn’t be a single doubt in her mind that here was a man who wanted her more than anything. He smiled to himself thinking about his elaborate gesture.

“What are you smiling about?” She asked, looking up from her book. He blushed, thinking about her wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him on the lips, then looking at him with love in her eyes, ready to be everything to him. “Simon, really. What the heck are you thinking about right now?”

“Being happy,” he said. She narrowed her eyes and stared at him suspiciously. “What are you thinking?”

“That I have never heard my Simon speak about being happy in the almost 6 years that I’ve known him, so you’re obviously one of his little figures, but life size and able to communicate… and I don’t doubt that Simon has the smarts to create such a thing, but the funding… I’d be confused on where he got the funding.” He let out a little chuckle and leaned back in his seat. He was working on his assignment again, but he was still smiling to himself. Weird.

That wasn’t the only weird thing that he did lately. He began to keep himself up more. It wasn’t that he didn’t take care of himself, but he was more of a functional, hygienic than the extra care that he was now taking into stuff like his eyebrows and fingernails. He used to just either let them grow out of sheer apathy, clip them out of annoyance that he’d let them get too long, or chipped them in his day to day and bit off the crooked parts when he did. Now, he seemed like he was giving himself manicures. His nails looked healthy and cared for. His cuticles seemed nourished and smooth. And he smelled amazing now. Like, not like he picked up whatever antiperspirant was cheapest when he passed the aisle, but like he was making attempts to be fresh and clean and… attractive! “OH MY GOD, YOU’VE got a crush on somebody!” she said.

She saw a shimmer in his gray eyes and she laughed and looked around. “Who is it? I know that she’s Apex. You’d never look twice at a null. BUT… I have no idea what your type is. I remember whenever you would get all clammy whenever that redhead girl came around.”

“What? No I didn't. I would always get nauseated, because she always had on so much perfume that it unsettled my stomach and made me feel like I’d break out in hives.”

“So… not her, then.” She studied around the campus. “I’m gonna find out who she is.”

“What will you say to her?” He asked, and rested his tongue on his upper canines as he smiled at her.

“Hi, I’m Grace. I’m sure you know me as one half of Grace and Simon, also known as The Apex. I’m here to tell you that it’s your lucky day, because Simon himself has his eyes set on you. I strongly recommend that you give him a chance. I can’t make you, but it would really be in your best interest, because he’s an amazing guy… And if you hurt him, I’ll fucking kill you. Hahaha… Just Kidding! Unless you hurt him, and then I’m not.”

He started laughing and something settled in his eyes as he looked at her. She stopped smiling, slowly, and collected her things, “I should get to dance so that I'll have enough time to tie these locs up. Are you… gonna tell her, ever? Or, is it just something that you like having in your mind for nobody else to taint?”

“Will you stop looking for her if I answer this?”

“Scouts honor.”

“You’re not a scout.”

“Half of me is,” she said and gestured towards him. He laughed again. This was the cheeriest that Simon had been.

“Okay, well… I’m definitely going to eventually speak to her about it.” His smile was very warm and he looked… genuinely happy. Like, she couldn’t remember ever seeing him so much so, not even when they were doing great fun things together. It was like he had some sort of peace that he found. She HOPED that she wasn’t going to ruin that for him.

“Well… What if… she’s not interested in you?” She asked, trying not to look right at him as she asked.

“Wouldn’t it be in her best interest to give me a chance, since I’m such an amazing guy?” He asked back, still smiling, still content.

“I did say that.” She nodded her head. “And I did mean it, but what if… she doesn’t, you know, think of you in THAT way?” Now, his smile faltered and he thought for a while. She wondered if he was registering what she was trying to go around saying.

“Why wouldn’t she?” he asked, concerned. She moved her legs nervously, dancing around and he stood up, grabbing his things to walk with her. “What’s wrong with me?” He asked.

She shook her head, “Nothing. But, what if… well… what if she’s like me?” He looked confused. “Like… What if she never thinks about stuff like that? What if she once kissed the person that she loved more than anything and it only registered to her as something soft and wonderful… but nothing like the way that people describe kisses are supposed to be? What if she thinks that you’re the best thing on earth, but… she just doesn’t feel certain things? Would you still want her, if she can’t want you in the same way?”

“Are you… coming out as something, Grace?”

“I guess so. I’m just… I guess with you moving on to other relationships, I’m wondering where I stand.”

“There will never be anyone that comes before you…”

“That’s a bad start, if you like somebody else, Simon. But, that’s not what I meant. I mean, I know that you have certain feelings. I’ve seen it. I don’t have those. Someday, when our friendship isn’t enough to fulfill your connection with someone, I guess, I’m wondering if you think that somebody like you would be able to connect with somebody like me… when I can’t reciprocate everything.”

“Are you… Like… Asexual?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve never had to think about it before. The only guy that I’ve ever been close to has always been my best friend. I’m just warning you. Fake relationship that we’re having in front of my dad aside, you should ask yourself if you would still want this girl if she was… like me.”

“I would… I do,” he said nodding his head.

“You didn’t even think about it.”

“I don’t have to think about it. I’d want you, no matter what.”

She playfully elbowed him, “You mean “her.”

He caught her elbow and her attention when he did so. “Could you? Being… the way you are? Do you want to have somebody who wants you?”

“I don’t want to be alone, and I have feelings, if that’s what you're asking. Just… not the ones that people our age tend to seek out. I could absolutely fall in love with a wonderful person and want to spend all of my time with them and be as fulfilled as somebody can be… But, I already have that. I guess it just now occurred to me that getting older maybe means losing that, because you’ll eventually want and need more, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to deliver what needs you might have. Or the next person. Or the next...” Her eyes were a little damp.

Simon heard what she said, and it even made sense to him on some level. However, looking at her, with the school approved scarf tying her locs up and forward, her face all natural and flawless, save the tears trying to form in her eyes, and her long, perfect legs bouncing nervously just thinking about losing him… What she was saying just didn’t really matter to him. It couldn’t matter. What she was saying meant that he might have to move on from his soul mate. He didn’t WANT to hear that part. He heard the part that did matter to him.

I could absolutely fall in love with a wonderful person and want to spend all of my time with them and be as fulfilled as somebody can be.. I already have that.

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. She sank into his side, as usual and they kept walking.

The number 16 was lit up in the sky with fireworks. It was set to be there all night. If it began to fade, the paid pyrotechnician would release another. The attire was “Heavenly Extravaganza,” and they were calling it her “Celestial Sixteen,” instead of “sweet.” All of the hired help were dressed in white, silver, and gold gaudy Victorian styled costume, and Mrs. Monroe literally had a set built in their ballroom, to have a tower upon which she and Mr. Monroe could sit on “heavenly thrones.” Her Queen of Heaven outfit was much like something you might see in a very high budget film about a royal queen, and her husband’s suit matched. The Monroes and Simon were dressed in gold, with jewelry and sparkles.

Grace and Simon had both been taken to a styling center. Their outfits, hair, body, and things that Simon wouldn’t have even thought about were all surrendered to Mrs. Monroe’s team of professionals to have them be flawless for their entry. Simon was listed as Grace’s escort, but her mother had worked very hard to make sure that they had the matching attire she had for this vision of hers, and that there was no possibility that they forgot to do anything, if left to get themselves ready. Grace was more used to this than Simon was (even for the school dances that he always attended with Grace, he was styled, but generally took care of himself besides that). He didn’t usually have to do a spa day and detox, and sophisticated beauty treatments. He liked it though.

Simon felt like a king. Grace felt like a doll.

She hated these appointments. Sure, she felt wonderful afterwards, but that was typically short lived once she had to get prepared by the team. She was pressed into a dress and standing for the time it took to steam it to be certain that there were no wrinkles, then getting placed into the vehicle - tonight a white limousine covered in bling crystals, and driven to the estate, where all of her Apex fans would be clustered outside, but barricaded (Simon convinced her mother to sell tickets to stand outside of the property and watch Grace come down the red carpet).

The sun had not yet set and Grace could see countless faces that had no real characteristics, except for lipstick prints on their faces that they had their friends kiss on or drew on themselves or something, in varying degrees of red (none of which were Apex Red), and inexpensive formal attire. She was much better at remembering attire than faces, and she didn’t know any of these fans, so it was lipstick marks and public school prom gowns that she and Simon walked down, towards the party, where Apex members that Simon hand selected were allowed to stand on the sides and receive them without barricades (guards were nearby).

Simon felt like royalty. Grace felt like a spectacle.

Simon had been to Monroe events before. This topped everything! Mrs. Monroe had allowed him to collaborate with stylists on his attire, and they customized things based upon some of his wishes and on the design of Grace’s gown. He was allowed to be behind the scenes and work with planners for various details and things.

Grace hadn’t been the least bit interested. She never was and quite frankly was a little annoyed that Simon was so into it, but she didn’t press too hard, since she knew he liked setting up scenes for his figures and stuff and guessed that this was all similar for him. She ragged on him about it a little bit, but got bored with it, since he paid her very little attention.

After that, she spent the party planning time writing music and working on songs. Mrs. Monroe wanted her to learn a dance for the party, but she shrugged her shoulders and said, “Simon and I can just do the waltz we did freshman year.” Simon looked at her like she was out of her mind.

“I don’t remember that dance!” he said, laughing uneasy.

“I didn’t say Simon and you, I said you need to learn a dance,” Mrs. Monroe told her. Grace had her tongue stuck out, thinking as she wrote down notes on sheet paper and hummed, with her mother and Simon’s voices barely registering to her. “Grace!” She snapped her head up and the woman shook her own head and said, “Simon, handle her,” before walking off, heels clacking on the floor.

Grace laughed and imitated in her exaggerated British accent that she used to mock her mother, “Simon, handle her.” But, Simon didn’t laugh along or join in. Instead, he clasped his hands together and bit his lip. “Oh, what? Don’t tell me that you’re about to start sticking up for my mom, too?”

“Noooo… But, the party is very important. Your dad worked really hard to fix the incidents surrounding your name…”

“Which were brought on by your explosion in the mall…” She reminded him. He bypassed the reminder.

“And now, we have to focus on the leader of the Apex being worshiped, and your reputation being restored. You said that your image is important to you. Your mom is literally bringing your image into the heavens. Have you SEEN the Black Madonna piece she had made from her delivery photo?”

“That wasn’t a delivery photo. I was days old when they did that photo shoot. A team made her look like a beautiful glowing new mother. There ARE no delivery photos, because she, and I quote, “Actually somehow looked ugly while ruining her body with my arrival and didn’t want anyone in the world, not even me to ever see her less than stunning.” She destroyed photos from the actual birth.”

“Okay… But, did you see the artwork?”

“I see that you seem to be trusting the adults. We don’t trust adults. We don’t listen to our parents.”

“You listen to your parents all the time!”

“I mean, yeah, when I have to, but like… YOU don’t have to!”

He sighed and sat down next to her. “You’re about to be an adult, Grace.”

“Hell no, I’m not. I’m about to be 16, and instead of doing some cool shit with my best friend, I’m gonna be hosting a knock off Met Gala with literally a ballroom FULL of strangers. I don’t know any of the people on the guest list, and I certainly don’t know people who were exploited by you and my mom just to see me get out of a shiny ass limo and walk.” She tossed her music book aside and touched his ponytail, “Wouldn’t you rather we went through the motions, then got out of the limo, gave the kids on the sidelines their little tickets’ worth, then I just kick off my shoes and we take off running to go camping in the woods and play Chubby Bunny?”

He scoffed and threw his head back. “So, whenever I try to defend your honor, we’re not kids anymore, but whenever I try to help fix your image that you blame me for messing up, then you want to be 12 again?”

“No, when you react violently to a simple mistake, that’s childish to me, but it's perfectly fine to say a big screw you to these societal pressures and have fun with my best friend, for my birthday!”

“How do you know this won’t be fun, Grace? Several people, including me, have worked hard to make this a memorable night for you… And you don’t even seem to care.” He got up and grabbed his backpack. She felt horrible. Maybe she was a childish brat, after all.

“Simon…”

“I have college exams coming up,” he said, softly. That was his version of a goodnight.

“Simon, I’m sorry. You’ve been working really hard to make up for the corn dog thing. It isn’t your fault that my parents are still punishing me. Not directly, anyway. I should have noticed that you were putting in all of this planning work for me, for us. I just… You don’t have to do it. I’m happiest the days that we just get to spend time together. I feel like we never get to anymore. Like the old days, when it was just you and me. I guess for me, getting older means losing everything that I consider precious and the closer my birthday gets, and the more adult you act, I just… I don’t know. It’s a lot.” She hugged herself. “But, you have a point. This will help my image and I should be grateful that everyone is working so hard. Especially you.” She kissed him on the cheek and he turned an instant bright shade of red, overmatched only by the Apex Red print she left there. He took a deep breath and gave her an affirming nod.

So, she sucked it up and decided to be here tonight and gave it her all.

There was dancing, mingling, her mother announcing things over a speaker system, from a hidden mic attached to her person, and a presentation of gifts - something that Grace just knew Simon was responsible for. It was like whenever kids gave tribute to her at school and he’d tell them, “All right, you know the drill, line up and present tribute as your dues to be able to call yourselves members of the Apex.”

But, tonight, there were Apex members with Simon’s kiss… She recognized his lip prints, as she noted tonight… lined up, very military in their movements, holding gifts in one hand and their fists into the air with the other. Grace smiled, in confusion, glanced at Simon, who was seated on the other side of the tête-à-tête with her. He was looking at the display. Simon felt like the world was about to become his. Grace was frightened that hers was about to fall apart…

Because with every presentation, every declaration that each kid seemed to be making on Simon’s behalf, traveling their memories of friendship with gifts that were brought as symbols of sentimental moments that she and Simon shared… she realized that this wasn’t just some tribute from Simon for her birthday. This was a very bold declaration!

Every gift was beautiful and brought up some of her fondest memories of them, and when Simon knelt in front of her and presented her with the final and most important gift - a charm bracelet, with charms of each of those gifts in his presentation, with an inscription “The Apex is Forever,” and in front of ALL THESE PEOPLE, friends, family, strangers, fans, celebrities, hired help, and whatever phones and cameras were present, he said, “The only thing that makes sense is that we’re together. Will you accept this as a token from my heart and take me as your man?”

What did that even MEAN? Was this for her father’s benefit? Shouldn’t he have discussed something so extreme with her? And what was she supposed to do with all of these eyes on her? With his eyes on her?

“Gray Eyes…” She was sweating and about to cry and breathing hard… “You’ve always been my man, Man...” she said. There were cheers from just about everyone, except her parents. Her mother threw her father a displeased look, but the man just looked right back at her with a note of satisfaction. Her mother got up from her throne and went down the winding staircase of the tower to leave. Her father stood and thanked everyone for coming out to Grace and Simon’s 16th birthday party.

Grace went to go find her mother as Apex members got out of her way, random strangers congratulated her on her new relationship, and friends crowded Simon to celebrate that they pulled it off. Simon barely noticed her leave, but when she paused in the doorway and looked at him, they made eye contact. He looked slightly confused, but when she turned to continue her exit, he continued talking to Apex.

“Mom?” Grace called, knocking on the boudoir door as she entered. The woman had already gotten out of the dress, but the elaborate hive of a hairdo, graced with celestial embellishments would take longer. Grace was shocked that the dress didn’t take longer, but she realized when she picked it up to avoid trying to cross over it in her own, that Mrs. Monroe had ripped it off. “Are you okay?”

“He isn’t right for you,” Her mother said, staring at the reflection behind her in her vanity. “You and I both know it. You think that I don’t pay attention, but I do. He isn’t right for you, and you’ll regret this.”

“I thought that you wanted me with my best friend. It was Daddy who wanted me with someone in my class.” Now, he’s paying Simon to make me a kept woman and suddenly my best friend isn’t right for me? “Did you two switch roles?”

The woman rolled her eyes, “Your father is settling, because he thinks that a man can fix anything. Forget about the fact that women historically have been doing all of the heaviest lifting without any of the credit, whether it’s been in the workplace or in the home. The driver told us that there was something wrong with you, and we didn’t listen. We knew that we raised you to make good decisions, with morals and intelligence. The moment you introduced me to Simon, I saw that he was a bad decision. But, you talked to us, and we heard you out. This was your best friend and you wanted us to treat him like someone you cared about, and so we did. You never ask for much. It was one small task to take an unfortunate child into some of our charity. Now, look at you… some miserably defected boy’s golden goose.” She snatched up her makeup removing cloth and shook her head, “Your father is settling. You’re settling, and you’ll regret it.”

Grace grabbed a foot stool and set it next to her mother, “I didn’t know what to say. I had to say something and I couldn’t just shoot him down in front of all those people. The public would burn me at the stake for that, and Simon would be hurt, and Daddy would be displeased. I don’t even think you would have liked that.”

“Why do you think he CHOSE tonight to do this?” She asked. “You think that he just thought this was the right time to show you that he cared? He wanted an audience. He wanted to put you on the spot. He wanted to control the situation so that he could have some control over your answer! Don’t be fooled, Grace. Simon is a smart boy. He knows who you are and how you are. He knew what to say and do to get you to say yes and you fell for it.”

Grace was getting fed up with her mother’s accusations. She thought the woman had grown to like Simon, at least. She was speaking about him like he was still just some shaggy boy in a shabby suit to her. “He didn’t purposefully put me in an uncomfortable position, Mom. Simon may have a lot of problems, we ALL do… but he does love me and he would never do something to make me stressed out on purpose or try to dominate me!”

The woman finally actually turned her face to Grace, and Grace would never forget the look of certainty in her eyes whenever she said, “Simon doesn’t even know what love is, and neither do you. What in this world would make you think that he is able to give you something that he has never been given before, himself?”

“Because, I know that I give him my love. He knows it too...” Grace said in a low voice, unsure of the truth in that, even as she said it.

Her mother scoffed and turned back to the mirror, a bemused partial smile on her features. “Whatever it is that you two give each other… You’ll regret it, Grace. Mark my words. I haven’t changed my position at all. You should still make sure that you build a life with your best friend. My opinion is that Simon simply isn’t that. I don’t know if he ever was. You just regarded him as such because you had someone who you could control for once. But, he’s grown out of that, poppet. You didn’t even notice when he cut his strings and tied them onto you, did you? Of course not. Because, you love him. Because he’s your friend. Love makes you stupid. Friendship makes you weak. And you let him make you both.”

On principle alone, Grace was going to take her relationship with Simon as far as it could go. Just to prove that her mother was wrong. “Well, you didn’t seem to mind him whenever you needed my strings pulled.”

Her mom was wiping off makeup. “I minded. I just knew that I have more control over him these days than I do over you. Simon may have surpassed your tactics, but the world will burn before he’s ever able to match my skills. You’ve just gone so wrong that you don’t know which way to go. Maybe you do need professional help.” She sighed, “It’s sad. You had such potential, and you’re going to end up just like me. The trophy of someone who wanted the best, only to hoard your greatness...”

She left the boudoir, angrily and found Simon and her father on the terrace, watching the guests be led out of the event. “Hey,” she said. They both turned around to see her.

“I should go find my wife,” her father said and clapped Simon on the shoulder.

“She’s not happy,” Grace warned, under her breath. Her father hugged her and gave her a soft happy birthday. She wondered if Simon hadn’t told him that would be a nice present. That just made it feel… less than, but the entire night had been unpleasant to some degree. Or, if she now was deserving of his affection because she had found herself a good man to tame her. That just made her feel sick.

When they were alone, she stared at Simon, trying to forget the things her mother accused him of, but… something had felt off about him for a while. It wasn’t his damn eyebrows, or his hygiene, or anything like that. There was something different about him. Something that made her uncomfortable. Something that she felt like needed to be addressed, but never wanted to, because it might put them in a bad place.

But, those were her friend’s eyes. Gray eyes, that always looked at her with fondness, from the very first time they landed on her. “Simon… What you did tonight…” He smiled. He was extremely impressed with how well he pulled it all off! She had no idea that he had worked so hard for the most spectacular gift to the Apex ever - official confirmation of Grace and Simon, their OTP, their royalty. “You shouldn’t have.” His smile faded. Her face was stern and she didn’t seem happy.

“The Internet will talk about this night forever.”

“The Internet wasn’t in that room tonight! The Internet wasn’t put on the spot, in front of all of those people. The Internet didn’t just have their mother scold them for being stupid and weak enough to have a friend and to love that friend. You put me in a really uncomfortable position, Simon. You had the chance to tell me about this whenever we talked about how important this party was to you, and you didn’t say anything.”

“I didn’t say anything because it was a surprise… A surprise that I take it ‘the impossible to please Grace Monroe’ was not pleased with.”

“I get why you felt like you had to impress my dad, but…”

“Your dad?” He laughed, but his eyes looked anything but amused, “Your dad? You think I did that for some empty promise to your dad?”

“Why else would you do it?”

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” He shouted at her, almost right in her face. She was stunned. It was the most contradictory way of saying it that she had heard and she had heard her parents tell her this before with not the slightest hint of warmth or kindness. This… was actually terrifying.

He must’ve realized that he frightened her, because he reeled himself in and placed prayer hands over his mouth as he waited for her next words. She couldn’t find any, so he broke the silence. “I didn’t mean to yell. You just… sound like you didn’t mean it when you said yes to me. You sound like you're backing out. You sound like you’re making excuses, when you could have just told me that you don’t want me.”

Her eyes were wide with disbelief. All of those things were true, but he was saying them like they were unreasonable, considering the atmosphere that she was faced with, not to mention this completely alarming reaction to even the possibility of those facts. “Simon… Do you remember the conversation we had about the girl you liked?”

“I remember the conversation we danced around about our feelings for each other,” he said. “I remember that you said that I’m amazing and that I deserve a chance. I remember you said, “I could absolutely fall in love with a wonderful person and want to spend all of my time with them and be as fulfilled as somebody can be.. I already have that.” I remember knowing that you were afraid to lose me, and now you won’t. I don’t know what’s been up with you. That conversation was the confirmation that I needed, to know that you know that we belong together!”

“I told you that I didn’t think that I could give you what you might expect out of a relationship...” Her heart was racing as she choked the words out, not wanting to upset him, but unable to stop herself from reminding him.

“Grace, I don’t care about your sexuality. That’s a part of you and I respect that. I just get sick and tired of us pretending that there’s not something between us.”

“I’ve never pretended that…”

“Then what’s the problem? You don’t really love me?”

“I do!”

“Good! We’re on the same page again!” He collected her into a hug and she started crying on his shoulder.

Simon felt like… She gets it. She knows how I feel, I know how she feels, and everything is right in the world again. Grace had never felt more alone, misunderstood, or confused… but, at least she still had Simon.

They could work through these feelings. She was obviously just projecting the doubts her mother had planted. This was Simon. Her Simon. Her friend… her man? That thought didn’t even sound right, but that’s what… what was happening? She stood and stared at his face. He was watching her suspiciously, like he was looking for a sign of her doubts from moments before. She had to do something that she had done before, but had never really thought about the fact that she had to do this with Simon… she plastered on a fake smile and cupped his face.

He sighed and rested his lips against her forehead. “My Grace,” he whispered, holding her tight. She softened, willing herself not to feel tension with Simon. She wrapped her arms around him and rested against him. It didn’t feel quite right, but she knew these arms, this scent, the rhythm of this heartbeat, and that was what she guessed she needed, to deal with… whatever the rest of that stuff was.

“Since you brought it up, Grace… What do you think is the significance of that talk today?”

Grace came out of her memories of she and Simon to look at the psychiatrist. Every time she pulled herself out of a memory of Simon and the Apex, she was faced with this woman, and she was brought back to reality - the real world, where Simon was no longer in her life and she was the most trapped she had ever been.

The large glasses, large afro, the fullest lips and a wide gap between her teeth always reminded Grace of one of those cheap pieces of Black art in the beauty supply shop… but the doctor always was dressed in a business suit and had a blank facial expression. She didn’t smile or look sad or even seem to react to anything Grace said.

That made it easier for Grace to confide in her about everything that went down between her and Simon before she landed herself in this place. That made her more open about the things he’d done to punish her, as well as all of the things she did that made her feel like maybe she deserved some of his punishment. Everyday she told herself that she didn’t, but when the person you’ve loved more than anything for nearly half of your life turns against you, turns everyone against you… “Maybe… Maybe I messed up. I should have just told him that I couldn’t see a future for us and that I would always be his friend and nothing else. I knew that he cared about me. I should have been more direct in telling him that couldn’t happen the way that he wanted.” The doctor blinked and nodded once. “And now, I’ve said something wrong to you.”

“It isn’t that you’ve said anything wrong, Grace. You spoke your true feelings, and that’s what you’re supposed to do here. It’s never wrong of you to admit your feelings. Now that you’ve stated them, I can help you sort through them again. Whenever you spoke with Simon that day - the day that you tried to bring back to his remembrance on the night of the party, did you tell him any lies?”

“No. I was completely honest with him about everything.”

“Why do you feel like you should have lied instead? How would you suppose it might have been a benefit to either of you, for you to lie to him?”

“Because, Simon couldn’t handle my truth. I was supposed to protect him. The people in his life always abandoned him. I was the one person who he thought he could depend on, and when I could have protected him and just told him that we were friends, and that was it, I told him that I loved him and had a fulfilling relationship with him.”

“Why do you think that a lie might have protected Simon?”

Grace shrugged her shoulders, “I guess that doesn’t make sense. But, my relationship with Simon never did. When we were little, I could always tell when something was bothering him and I always tried to smooth him over. I always made it right. Then… we got older and I noticed less and less. I realized that a lot of the stuff that I said and did to keep Simon docile were probably the same kinds of things that made him so aggressive?” Grace needed the doctor to tell her whether this sounded right or not. She hardly knew anymore. What she did know was that when she was 16, she lost her best friend, and it took her two more years to even fully see that.

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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viktorrotkiv · 4 years ago

Text

A Perfect Disaster of a Day

Written for @justwannabeafangirl as part of the @b99fandomevents Summer 2020 Fic Exchange.

Prompt: Stuck at work on a beautiful day

Read on AO3 // My Ko-fi

The first day of June was perfect. Amy woke up half an hour before her alarm clock was set to ring to find a bright, crisp morning waiting for her on the balcony, where she liked to start every morning. She pulled herself away from the view and into the kitchen, still drowsy, to make a pot of coffee. Pouring herself a cup, she stepped back outside, relishing the warmth. She wouldn’t need her robe around the house for the next few months - unless, of course, Jake decided to freeze them with the AC. Which, if she was being completely honest, she knew he would do. He would also get her a thousand new sweaters to make up for it. For now, though, she was perfectly content with the temperature. In fact, she took off the robe and folded it over the balcony railing. Leaning forward and sipping her coffee, she admired the view. It was incredible. She still couldn’t believe they had managed to score this amazing balcony in New York. Sun rays illuminated every tree, every street mural, every laughing couple in a window. A few clean-white clouds dotted the light blue sky, casting shadows here and there on the still-quiet street below. It was a beautiful day. It was perfect.

“Hey.” Jake stepped onto the balcony behind her. “Where’d you get that delicious-smelling coffee?”

Amy turned to smile at him. “Good morning.” She stepped forward and pressed a warm kiss to his lips, immediately feigning annoyance as he swiped the coffee cup from her hand. “Hey! Don’t steal mine. There’s a whole pot of fresh coffee inside.”

“No, I think I’ll just drink this instead. It’s right here, after all.”

Amy’s upset facade broke immediately and she laughed. Jake could always make her laugh, no matter what silly thing he had done right before. “We have to get out early today. This is the first day of Mac’s first real summer – last year he was too small to notice anything going on, I think. We have to take him to the park, feed the ducks, do cartwheels in the grass…”

“Neither of us can do a cartwheel, Ames. And I doubt our one-year-old can either.” Jake chuckled and slid his arms around her lower back, staring into her eyes. “But you’re right. You always are. We absolutely have to take advantage of this perfect summer day. We’ll tell the Captain we need to step out early, send the babysitter home early…” Jake rested his cheek on his wife’s head and closed his eyes, swaying them in place. “We’ll get ice cream… Teach Mac how to throw a ball… We’ll...”

After a moment of silence, Amy spoke, her voice muffled slightly by Jake’s chest. “Are you falling back asleep?”

“Absolutely. Wake me up in twenty minutes.”

Amy smiled and pulled back from Jake’s hold, laughing when he muttered something unintelligible and reached his arms out to her, eyes still closed. “We should actually go in early if we’re both awake already. Get a head start on the day.”

Jake opened his eyes and smiled at her sleepily. “You’re so smart. Now, where’s that whole pot of coffee you promised me?”

Their day at work also seemed to start off perfectly. The Captain had immediately given them permission to leave early.

“I don’t see why not,” Holt had smiled. “It is a beautiful day, you both have light case loads… Enjoy the afternoon with your son.”

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Jake whispered in a sing-song voice as they were leaving Holt’s office.

Amy, grinning madly, shoved him playfully. “He’ll hear you! Now, listen. No trouble today, Jake. We have to leave early.”

“Oh, but of course, m’lady.” Jake made an exaggerated bow and kissed her hand. “Now go kick ass.”

Amy looked back at him and smiled as she left for her desk. ‘Love you,’ she mouthed.

At eleven a.m. it still didn’t look too bad.

Rosa slammed a cup of coffee on Jake’s desk. “Hey. I need a favor.”

Jake looked up at her, worried. “Amy and I are supposed to leave in two hours.”

“Oh, relax.” But her nudging the coffee even closer to Jake had the exact opposite effect. “It won’t take nearly that long.”

“If it’s so short, why are you bribing me?”

Rosa stared at him for a few seconds, then looked away. “I need you to interview someone who came in for one of my cases. It’s unscheduled, or I wouldn’t need you to do this for me, but I have a dentist appointment.”

“Okay, sure. What case is this for again?”

“Jake.”

“You’re kind of freaking me out here, Ro Ro.”

Rosa didn’t even object to the nickname. “Some guy is here to confess to kidnapping his baby niece.”

“Oof, depressing.”

“Yeah. You gonna be okay?”

“Are you kidding? Sounds juicy.”

“Jake.” Rosa stared squarely into his eyes. “Are you going to be okay… hearing about a kidnapped baby?”

Oh, thought Jake, a kidnapped baby. Out loud, he said, “I’m not fragile, just because of some stupid baby currently living in my house and feeding off of my wife’s boobs. And I’m deeply offended that you would think otherwise.”

“Fine.” A grin was on the verge of breaking through Rosa’s face. “Nobody said you were fragile, I just want to know that you can handle this.”

“Always. As long as he can talk fast.”

“Sergeant.”

“Hmm?” Amy didn’t look up. She was almost done looking over some paperwork, and the officers often needed her for something technical that required her rank. She was used to helping them while doing her own work.

“Sergeant. I, uh… I think I need your help.”

This made Amy look up. “What is it?”

The officer standing in front of her was relatively new. He had proven to be very competent on his own, so she pretty much left him to his own devices. He hadn’t attracted much negative or positive attention, and she didn’t know him that well. “I’m sorry if this is inappropriate, but you, uh, you smoke, right?”

“Occasionally.” Amy put down her paperwork and smiled at him. “Calm down, Miller. You can be open with me. What is it?”

“I think I have a problem. I smoke, like, all the time now. It’s pretty much sure to ruin my lungs if I keep going like this for another few years.” The officer chuckled. “I mean, I guess smoking always is. And, uh, most addiction books and— and help groups don’t work for me. I need someone to hold me accountable, someone who knows me personally. And I can’t really ask my family, they live in Pennsylvania, and my roommate has some addictions that are much worse than cigarettes...” He chuckled again and wrung his hands nervously. “I know I’m rambling on and on, but I’ve heard you mention using nicotine stickers, so I know you’ve stopped smoking, and I’d like your help.”

“You want me to help you quit smoking? As in, be your mentor?”

“I’m sorry if it’s inappropriate. This was a stupid idea, I just thought—”

“No!” Amy jumped up. “It’s not inappropriate at all. I’d be honored.”

“Really?” Tim Miller’s eyes lit up. “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“Come talk to me tomorrow. I’ll do some research, and we can test out some methods.”

“Thank you, again, so much.”

Amy smiled. Mmm, research… “Of course.”

At twelve p.m. it started getting worse.

“Wait, say that again.” Jake could already see their perfect day slipping away. If this case was that serious... It could take forever.

“I’ve decided to come forward because my brother is not a competent parent. That’s why I took my niece to my house. She wasn’t safe there.” They were sitting in an interrogation room. Mr. Thomas had asked to talk privately.

“Sir, can you please elaborate? Why wasn’t she safe?”

“My, uh, my brother drinks, and he forgets to bathe her, sometimes even to feed her. When she cries he either sits her in front of the TV for hours, or he calls me. Her mom’s not in the picture, so it’s just him and the baby, and I’m scared…” The man sighed, put his head in his hands. “My brother isn’t a bad person. He just isn’t a very good parent, and my niece’s safety is more important than anything else.”

Jake leaned forward across the desk. “It’s okay, I understand. You have to do this. And maybe someday your brother will understand too. Right now, though, we need your full cooperation.”

“What does that mean?”

“I have to call social services. Since you came to us and reported this, and because you have experience with the child, I can recommend that you be given custody. Only if you want that, of course.”

“Yes, that— that’d be good, I think.”

Jake reached over and put his hand over Mr. Thomas’s. “Good. But this means that you can’t back out. You need to tell us, and social services, everything you know. You can’t step away because you feel guilty or you start getting worried, because then this won’t work, and your brother could take your niece back and never let you see her again.”

“I know. I know. I’m prepared to do whatever’s necessary.”

“Okay then. Let’s take your statement.”

“Santiago, could you send me that report?”

“Sir?”

“I know it wasn’t due until tomorrow, but I’m sure you of all people already finished it.” Holt had called her into his office, and Amy was starting to panic.

“Actually, sir, I’ve been dealing with a personal matter of one of my officers, and I haven’t had time to finish the report. I was going to do it first thing tomorrow morning.”

“I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to finish it today. The system’s going to be down for a week starting tomorrow and we won’t be able to log any new reports. They only just told me.”

“Oh.” Amy’s chest constricted uncomfortably. Their perfect day… “Alright, sir. I’ll get right to it.”

“Again, I apologize. I hope it won’t keep you too long.”

At one p.m. Jake was starting to regain hope.

“Rosa!” Jake almost pushed people aside in his hurry to get to her. Rosa was just back from her appointment, and Jake was rushing across the bullpen. He slid to a stop just outside the elevator and started walking back with her to her desk. “Wow, I’m out of shape… Boy, am I glad you’re here.”

Rosa cocked an eyebrow at him.

“You have to take your case back. It turned a bit complicated, he wanted to report his brother, and I promised Amy we would leave now to take Mac to the park.”

“Oh, sure. Just— what did he want to report?”

“He thinks his brother is an incompetent parent. Social services need to be involved. Oh, and I told him we would recommend him to be the guardian, so you have to say that.”

“I can do that.”

“Great. I took his statement. Someone from social services is on their way here to talk to him now, then to see the baby, and then they’ll go see the brother.”

“Wait, Jake, you already called them?”

“Of course. It was urgent. But this case is all yours now.”

“Actually…” Rose dug her nails into her palm, dreading the news she was about to give. “Actually, if you’re the one who called social services, you have to stay here until they arrive and take over.”

“What?”

“Yeah, it’s protocol. And you know how Holt is about those.”

“But— but, Rosa, they said they’d be here in a couple of hours.”

“I know.”

“I have to leave right now!”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Amy tried to concentrate on the work, but she felt too guilty. She had promised Jake that they would leave early, and here she was, stuck writing a report that would take at least a couple more hours. And, oh God, she hadn’t told him yet. She stood up so suddenly that at least three different people turned sharply to look at her. Muttering a general apology to the room, Amy pulled out her phone, sent a quick text, and marched toward Jake’s desk.

“Hey, Ames!” In her state of worry mixed with determination, she had almost walked right past the person she was looking for. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, but I need to talk to you about something.”

“Actually, me too—” He was interrupted by both their phones chiming. “Why did I just get a text from our babysitter that says, ‘LOL, don’t mind, you guys are the best parents’?”

“Not sure, but so did I. I actually just texted her to say we won’t be early after all, that’s what I came to talk to you about. I’m so sorry.”

“No, Amy, you’re confused. I texted our babysitter to say we won’t be early after all. I’m not allowed to leave yet.”

“Oh.” Some of the worry left Amy’s face and she actually smiled a little.

“Guess that’s what made her laugh.” At her confused look, he added, “You know, why she texted us LOL.”

“Oh, that’s what LOL stands for? I thought it was ‘lots of love’.”

“Amy Santiago!” Jake threw his arms wide open. “How old are you?”

“I’m joking, Jake, relax. So, why can’t you leave yet?”

“Rosa asked me to take someone’s statement because she had to go to the dentist—”

“—there’s no way that’s actually where she was going—”

“—obviously not, and turns out this guy took his baby niece because he thinks her father isn’t fit to be a parent. So I called social services, but apparently I’m not allowed to leave until they get here.”

“Yeah. Holt would make you adhere to the protocol.”

“Unfortunately. So why do you have to stick around?”

“I promised one of my officers I would help him quit smoking.” Amy sighed. “And then I did research for that instead of writing a report that was due tomorrow, but now it turns out we need to log it in today.”

“Oh, I heard, they’re taking down the system tomorrow.”

“Yep.” Another sigh. “Guess we won’t get our perfect day today, then, huh?”

Jake put his arms around her. “Guess not. But there’ll be plenty more sunny days. It’s only the beginning of summer.”

The social services representative arrived at two p.m.

Jake rushed up to the man and threw his arms around the stranger. “Finally! What took you so long?”

The representative nudged him off with a questioning look. “We have other work. You said the child wasn’t in any immediate danger.”

“She isn’t. She’s at home with her aunt. Speaking of which, here’s the aunt’s husband — actually, he’s the one who’s biologically related to the baby — and he can explain everything. I’m going to go now, if that’s okay with you.”

“Actually, if you’re Jake Peralta, there’s a few things to go over first.”

Jake groaned and slumped forward. “That was more a figure of speech. I was hoping I wouldn't really need your permission. What do you need me for?”

“I just need to make sure we have all of the details we need, and then I can officially take over the investigation.”

Jake spotted someone coming out of the kitchen. “Actually, she’s the one who called you! That’s Jake Peralta right there.”

“Yep, that’s me, Jake Peralta.” Rosa’s imitation of Jake’s voice was as terrible as can be expected.

The representative, tired and bored, wasn’t buying any of it. “Detective, I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to come with me. You too, Mr. Thomas.”

A hopeful Mr. Thomas and a frustrated Detective Peralta followed the social services representative back into the interrogation room.

At four p.m. Amy finally finished typing her report. At four-oh-five she knocked on Captain Holt’s door. “Sir, I’m finally finished with that report. Is there anything else you need from me?”

“Thank you, Santiago. I’m sorry your day was hijacked, but you can go home now. I heard your husband is done with his work too.”

“Oh, the representative left?”

“On his way to look at the child now.” Holt looked at his watch. “You know, you could still have a little bit of fun. Sunset isn’t until eight twenty-one p.m.”

“I don’t know, sir. I think we’re both exhausted. Maybe we’ll try again next week.”

“I will not have any of that nonsense.”

“Sir?”

Holt slapped both his palms onto his desk and stood up. “Do you know why I was so eager to approve your request to leave early? It was partly because you are both excellent at your jobs and have enough vacation days left. It is also because I recently took a vacation with Kevin and it was the most fun I have had in months. It’s important to spend time with your partner, and certainly with your child. You are both extremely willing to help others—”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I wasn’t done, Santiago. You are both extremely willing to help your co-workers and you might get held up at work every other time you try to leave early. Look at what happened today! You were trying to do your job as a sergeant, and Peralta was trying to help Diaz, and you missed out on some of your plans. But there is still time today. Take advantage of the few hours left, because you don’t know when the next perfect day will appear.”

Amy staggered back a few steps, reeling from the Captain’s surprisingly passionate speech. “Thank you very much, sir. That was just the push I needed. You’re right. I’ll go find Jake right away.”

“Of course I’m right. Get out of here.”

Amy turned and started to leave.

“Oh, and Santiago?” Holt was actually smiling, for the second time that day. “Have a hell of a time, for me.”

“Yes, sir.”

At four-fifteen p.m., Jake was packing his things to leave. As he picked up his jacket and bag and went to find his wife, she rushed up to him. “Come on. Let’s go. Here, give me your jacket.”

“Um, sure. I’m sorry that we didn’t get to have our fun day. If only I hadn’t called social services on my own…”

“This wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t ready to leave at one, either. And your thing was even more important than mine.” Amy pressed the elevator button. “It doesn’t matter now. We’re going to go home, pick Mac up, and ride the subway to Central Park. You know how he loves the subway.”

Jake smiled faintly. “I do. But, Ames, I thought we gave up on our day. It’s too late now, we won’t get anything done. We’ll just have to find another day.” The elevator dinged open and Jake held his arm out in front of the door. “After you.”

“Thank you.” Amy stepped inside and pressed the ground floor button, turning toward Jake. “There are four hours and…” She checked her watch. “Four more minutes until the sun sets. And there’s light even after that. We’re going to eat ice cream, and buy a cheap inflatable ball that’ll lose all of its air tomorrow, and play catch with our son. It may not be half a day, but come on, we only lost a few hours.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Ames, really, but I had kind of a depressing case today, especially since the stupid social services man made me listen to all of the details twice, and I think I just need to go home. We’ll have our fun day soon, I promise.” Jake stepped out of the elevator, but Amy stayed inside.

“Captain’s orders.”

“What?” Jake stepped toward her and held the elevator doors open again.

“Captain’s orders. And I quote, ‘Have a hell of a time for me, Santiago.’”

“He did not say that!”

“He did. And I’m not leaving this elevator until you agree to use whatever time we have left to bond with our son.”

“Okay, now you’re just being mean. You know father-son bonding is one of my triggers!” Jake’s mood was starting to lift, though. Amy could see it.

“I do know that, because I know everything about you. Which is why…” Amy walked to Jake, cupping his face gently. “I also know that this will be good for you.”

“I thought you weren’t getting out of the elevator until I agreed to go.” Jake pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

“You never really had a choice. Also, I’ve made my point and now I’m stepping out of the elevator.”

“You feel guilty about holding it up, don’t you?”

“Absolutely.” Amy pulled Jake’s arm around her shoulder.”Let’s go.”

“Oh, I’m so glad you guys are still going to have a bit of fun today!” Their babysitter gushed when they finally arrived home. “Mac has been missing you guys ever since you went back to work.”

“Aww, come here, buddy!” Jake picked his son up. “You know, you’re going to feed ducks today, and watch your mom fail miserably at doing a cartwheel.”

“Actually, you’re going to watch your dad fail miserably at doing a cartwheel. Thanks, Becca, here’s your money.”

“Oh, thanks. It’s so beautiful out there. It really is the perfect day to go outside.” The babysitter waved at Mac and started to leave.

“Well, it may not have been a perfect day the whole way through, but we’re going to have lots of fun, aren’t we, Ames?”

“Absolutely.”

The door shut behind Becca, who couldn’t help but smile at how adorable her employers were, and inside, a small family was about to start a perfect day, outside of work.

#b99 summer 2020 fic exchange #b99fandomevents #mineltg #b99 #my writing #fanfiction

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dream-wreck · 5 years ago

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A Song to Suit Yourself

It feels so good to write fanfiction again. Heck, it feels good to write again. This little thing started last summer, inspired by this post, and I’m finally sending it afloat upon the internet’s temperamental waters. Good Omens fandom, I hope you receive it well. Enjoy!

AO3

Title: A Song to Suit Yourself Rating: G Word Count: 2,186 Description: Crowley fixates on a new type of music, though Aziraphale can’t quite figure why. What would a demon want with lullabies?

Neither knew exactly how they ended up in the same Scottish field at exactly the same time beneath the same lonely apple tree, but it probably had something to do with their impending assessments.

Hastur and Ligur would be around soon to check in and report on Crowley’s Deeds of the Day, which were quickly becoming Brief Surveys of the Deeds of the Decade, as they hardly ever popped around anymore. Crowley didn’t dare complain. But he’d been putting off his Evil Deed -- you know, the Big One, which made up for a long dry period of demonic activity -- and it was time to get on that. So. Scotland.

Aziraphale still received regular unscheduled visits from Gabriel, “just checking in” to see that all was going smoothly. Aziraphale had begun to question his own understanding of omnipotence. Or, at least the Head Office’s ability to communicate sporadic schedule changes to literally the only active angel they had on Earth. In biding his time -- and seeking some overdue meditation -- Scotland.

So much for that.

“They’re calling them ‘lullabies’,” Crowley said. “They sing them at children. To make them fall asleep.”

Aziraphale considered this news while he cut off another slice of red apple. He offered some to Crowley. The demon curled his upper lip at the clean white disk.

“Humans have always sang songs to their children,” Aziraphale said once he realized that the news was not news at all. “Remember Babylon?”

They both smiled self-pleased smiles. You’d almost think they were sharing the same memory, but for Crowley baring considerably sharper teeth. “Oh yes,” he said.

“That poor woman you tormented for a spell,” Aziraphale recalled. “I was the one who recommended that she write her composition down. It was a beautiful tune...in spite of its inspiration.”

Crowley shrugged. “I did not ‘torment her.’ She adopted me as the house god, what was I supposed to do? I was on assignment. Besides, she had a lovely home. It was nice to settle down for a bit. The point is, now they have a new word for it.”

“For tormenting?”

“No. The music. Keep up.” He let the pieces of the word roll off his tongue. “Lull-ah-bye…”

Aziraphale was occupied with his apple, plucked from the branches above. In his humble and learnéd opinion, few tastes in the world yet rivaled that of a fresh-picked apple. Being an angel, he also had an extensive understanding of the art of Music. Angels invented it, after all, but its purposes were rather limited in Heaven. If Crowley had come to him with news of a new kind of Music, or a new purpose for it, he would have been ecstatic and fully enthralled. But he hadn’t, so he wasn’t, and was therefore only mildly interested, though he tried his best to humor his associate. “Singing to babies helps them grow, you know. It teaches them new sounds, new words. And I personally don’t believe you’re ever too young to discover the joy of Music.”

Crowley chose not to tell him that he was missing the point, but he wasn’t entirely sure of his point to begin with. Something about the word struck a strange chord with him (all puns unintended and unrecognized). It had a sound like a plucked lute string and the curve of a lifting chin.

For a while, in silence, the two continued their survey of the Scottish countryside and a hundred miles beyond. Serious business. The evening began to settle in a comfortable calm, the sun yawning out a stretch of gold before its final disappearance beneath the hills. The angel and the demon each wondered what the other was thinking. Aziraphale wondered why Crowley had become so caught up in a single word. Crowley wondered why Aziraphale hadn’t.

The angel bit into another slice of apple. The satisfying crunch in the silence finally whet Crowley’s own appetite. He flicked his wrist and a bright red replica of the angel’s supper fell into his hand.

Aziraphale looked hurt. “I hadn’t realized this tree’s fruit dissatisfied you.”

“What, did I hurt its feelings?”

“No,” Aziraphale said, taking a moment to examine himself, not wanting to lie. “But I’m quite proud of this tree.” He sat a little taller. “I planted and raised it from seed myself, you know.”

Crowley -- who had been leaning against the apple tree’s trunk since the early morning -- sat up and scrutinized the bark as though he’d just noticed it were there.

“Well what’d you go and do something like that for? When you could just --”

He snapped his long fingers. A few paces off, a plum tree that had not been there before shivered in a gentle breeze that had not been caused by anything but a general notion.

Aziraphale flushed. “I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. They’ve been cracking down on miracles that are not meant for a heavenly purpose. Besides, I found that I rather enjoyed the process of raising a living thing. You might try it, learn a thing or two. Watering, trimming, revisiting the little sapling now and again to encourage it out of the ground. And it clearly paid off. It took time and it took patience. And it was beautiful. The way God intended.”

Crowley gagged. Time and patience. The plum tree disappeared, but a pile of fresh, dark plums remained at his arm’s length, the skin so deeply purple they were almost black. “Suit yourself,” he said. “Just seems a waste of time.”

“Of course you’d think that,” Aziraphale said. “You know, it’s your constant need for excitement that gets you into trouble. You never sit still.”

“I do!” Crowley defended through a mouthful of bleeding plum. “I am now! And I do when I...you know, when I...you know.”

Aziraphale did not know, but he waited patiently for Crowley to realize that. Crowley did not elaborate.

He tossed his half-eaten fruit into the field, grumbling, “Who came up with the name ‘lullaby’ anyway? They’ve been rubbish at naming things from the Beginning. I’ll never forgive them for the turtle dove...Lullaby. Luhll. Ahhh. Bye. Stupid from the start. Lull....”

“For a dissenter, it sure sticks to your tongue easily.”

“So does mud. Doesn’t make it worth the taste. They think they’re so clever. If they’re so clever, switch things up a bit, do. All those songs, all lullabies ever talk about are dreams and trees and all the pain coming your way if you don’t fall asleep right this instant. All these languages since Babel and not a single one has whipped together hardly anything to move me to tears. Frankly, I’m just not impressed.”

He stopped. Not because he was finished. He felt eyes on him. Angel eyes, confused and concerned, and certainly out of their element.

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “Perhaps if you let them know that you have been their target audience all along, they’d show improvement. Better yet, put all that wealth of yours to use and commission one to your liking. Lord knows why you care in the first place.”

Aziraphale’s apple had finally been reduced to its core. The knife he was using ceased to exist.

“They’re too much like you lot,” Crowley continued. “Or at least you. Moving so slow. Doing slow things and inventing things that make them move even slower. Want to put the goblins to sleep? They’ve got spells for that. Spoon o’ brandy will do the trick. Or a knock upside the head. Practically instantaneous.”

Aziraphale bristled. “I thank God no one has put a child in your care.”

“On that, angel, we assent.”

The angel stood up, brushed out his jacket and tights. “I best get a move on. Several evening miracles to perform in the next town over.”

Crowley didn’t move, but he was suddenly standing. “Likewise. Which way are you headed?”

Aziraphale pointed to the north.

Crowley jabbed a thumb over his shoulder toward the south.

“Will you be in Scotland long?”

Crowley looked out to the empty fields. “Depends on what I can find here. I suppose if you’ll be around, I’ll be around. You know. Cancel --”

“Cancel each other out. Yes,” Aziraphale said, low and bristling, turning to the north. “Well, good evening to you.”

He paused. “I hope you find a song to suit your heart.” And he started north across the field, leaving Crowley, who did not turn to the south, alone beneath the apple tree.

Crowley slumped down against the trunk with his legs stretched toward the setting sun.

Sunsets start to look the same the more you see and the longer you live. There had been only a handful of truly extraordinary sunsets that stuck in Crowley’s busy memory since the Beginning, and few of them were memorable without their contexts. Context is everything. He’d given up long ago on watching sunsets for the hope of an explosion of color to beat the rest. But he still appreciated the thrill of witnessing night stretch over the world like a lumbering dragon splaying out for a nap.

He missed dragons. Not many of them left, nowadays.

As darkness settled in, Crowley began a meditation of his own.

All around him, he felt history’s fine threads weave through the air. Ghosts and imprints left on the surface of the earth and the face of Time itself that had disappeared from visual perception, but lingered as golden strands only few could ever see. Battles and laughter, deaths and creation, all tangled together and tumbling, just above the ground and through the rich soil. Threads thick as vines wrapping around the trunk of the apple tree. The eternal, distant echoes of screams and songs looping round and round the earth like Saturn’s rings, and if Crowley squinted hard enough, he could see their harmonies gleaming.

“I do sit still,” he said to no one in the dark. Or maybe, not to no one.

“Why do they get songs?” he wondered aloud. “What do they have to be comforted about? Everything is given to them, handed to them. All they do is sleep. Bet no one sings their parents songs. They’ve got the hardest of the lot. They’ve got all the troubles. No one writes lullabies for the ones who need them most.”

And he knew in his heart -- or the swirling matter he’d begun to think of as the place where part of his not-soul lived -- exactly why children got all the songs. Because children need distractions from all the Unknown they float in, until they can lift their heads and start finding answers for themselves. The Unknown is a terrible thing to dwell on, even for the youngest minds, whose curiosity more often than not sustains them.

And for the ones who know? Are there no songs for them? The Unknown scrambles the mind, yes, but the Certain, the Absolute, whittles the mind to a rounded end. Fixation on the Certain can be as maddening as floating in obscurity.

Crowley was falling back into fixation. Such was often the case whenever he sat still, so he tried to avoid it whenever possible. But true to pattern, his mind eventually numbed to the humming of the world, to the whispers of Time wrapping like gossamer around this green earth, invisible to all but the eyes of those who have seen more, who know more, and carry the burden of the Certain. And the boiling lake sloshing deep within the earth grew hot against his calves and the heels of his feet.

He tilted his head up to the sky and squinted into the cobalt. The harmonies of history came into focus, golden ribbons rippling in tired dance.

He hadn’t slept in nearly a century. When he last awoke, he’d missed a lot, and wasn’t anxious to miss any more. But now, unnamed weight rested on his head, a heavy fog that stings the eyes and confuses the senses. The kind with its own eyes lurking just beyond the haze. Not a comfortable Saturday morning fog, by any means.

He wanted to lie down forever. He wished this field were safe enough to do just that, but sensed beyond the hills the warm bodies of beasts waking up to hunt by dim starlight, and he fancied this body too much to risk its demise.

Suddenly, there was a snake, long, dark, and terrifying, and if someone were to notice this creature as it slithered around and up the wide tree trunk, they’d see its scales shimmering impossibly through the pitch black eve, reflecting an invisible light. It curled up on a scooping bough like an endless coil of shadowy rope, and it was thankful for the tree being there tonight.

Snakes cannot hum. That’s impossible. But many impossible things had already happened that day, and the snake, feeling safe enough to do so within the dense shelter of leaves, tried his hand at melody, content for the words he deeply felt to remain unformed, unspoken, as the song was for him alone, and he was -- as he knew and feared -- quite alone for now.

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #Aziraphale #crowley #anthony j crowley #scotland #lullaby #lullabies #a song to suit yourself #neil gaiman #Terry Pratchett #infp-dreamwreck #fanfiction #fanfic #anybody catch the hadestown easter egg?#improperly proper nouns are so much fun #no wonder those two went crazy with em

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isitgintimeyet · 5 years ago

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Letting Go

AO3

Another Sunday, another chapter. Hope you enjoy the morning after.

Thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge for the beta and @happytoobservenolongerdistant for the encouragement.

Chapter 11: All Out of Love

I’m lying alone with my head on the phone Thinking of you till it hurts I know you hurt too but what else can we do Tormented and torn apart

Clive J. Davis / Graham Russell

Claire awoke with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. The events of the previous day came rushing back to her. She moved her hand behind her and made contact with a body… a warm body… a very warm body sporting ‘morning wood’. She snatched her hand back and quickly scrambled out of bed, muttering “shower” under her breath.

As the warm water soothed her body, she let her mind process the last twenty four hours, in particular the previous night. Although she had been gripped by a sense of unreality since Anna’s accident, that really had been no excuse for her actions. And to confuse matters even more, Jamie’s behaviour towards her had undergone a complete sea change, from his curt and abrupt manner to, well, an active and somewhat vocal participant in last night’s exertions. Claire could only assume that, due to a growing affection for Anna, and with some sort of convoluted male justification, Jamie had used sex as a distraction from his thoughts of Anna, seeking the comfort of a long familiar body.

Indeed, she told herself, he was probably lying in her bed working out how to ‘let her down gently’. Otherwise, she was sure, he would be climbing into this shower with her right now.

****************

Nine Years Ago

“Jamie, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I'm getting in the shower too.”

“But this shower is tiny, there’s hardly room for me.”

“Well then, Sassenach, I guess we’ll just have tae squeeze closer together… Aye, that’s it. This is my fantasy, ye ken. I jes’ love ye in the shower when every bit of ye is soakin’ wet… every... single... bit.”

“Jamie… ooh… and what happens next in your fantasy?”

“Weel, I press ye against this wall… and I bring yer legs around me… aye… and then…”

…

“Wow, oh wow. So, Jamie, will this happen every time I have a shower?”

“Aye, every time. Ye can count on it.”

*******

Jamie stretched and listened to the sound of the shower coming from the bathroom. Last night had not been planned, a mutually spontaneous decision, but none the worse for that. He pictured Claire now in the shower, all slippery and wet, and felt himself grow hard. There was an obvious remedy for that next door. Jamie started to climb out of bed, halted only by the ping of Claire’s phone on the bedside table. He hesitated before glancing at the message notification.

Frank: can’t wait to see you tonight, darling. Pick you up at 7:30. I have a special surprise for you xx

And that was it, they were back to reality. Frank was Claire's reality. Last night was nothing more than Claire’s response to a surreal day. In fact, hadn’t she said that to him, how none of it felt real? And so he would have to accept the reality, forget that last night ever happened and let Claire move forward with her life… with Frank.

Jamie quickly gathered up his clothes and got dressed. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable.

*******

Claire put the lid down, sat on the toilet seat and tried to think practically about the situation. Last night had obviously just been the pair of them seeking some comfort with a familiar body. Nothing more than that. Forget about the metaphorical fireworks exploding, forget about the most satisfying orgasm she had experienced in, well, eight years, forget about their bodies instinctively coming together, forget about…

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit.” Claire jumped up and grabbed her bathrobe. There was one thing she had forgotten about. She definitely had an unscheduled stop before work.

Claire left the bathroom at the same time as Jamie, now fully dressed, emerged from the bedroom. They stood together in the hall, slightly awkwardly.

“Do you want…”

“Well, I’d better…”

They both spoke at the same time. Claire tied the belt on her bath robe a bit tighter and tried to keep her eyes averted from her shirt and bra still lying, discarded, on the carpet.

“You’ve got a bit of a drive ahead of you.”

“Aye, best be headin’. Er… weel, thanks… er, bye then. I’ll keep ye posted if I hear any news.” Jamie brushed his lips against Claire’s cheek.

“Bye, Jamie.”

Claire unlocked the front door and let Jamie out. Through the spy hole she watched him disappear from view, before closing her eyes and sinking to the floor as she thought about the day ahead.

First stop, she decided, had to be the chemist. Claire couldn’t believe how irresponsible she… they... had been last night -- no contraception. Jamie had probably assumed, Claire reasoned, that she was still on the pill. The truth was that her relationships over the past eight years, whilst some had been of a sexual nature, had not been long enough, or serious enough to convince her to return to that method of contraception.

And her last sexual relationship had been a while ago. There were no handy condoms lurking in her bedside cabinet. Claire had never been prepared for one night stands. She didn’t go in for one night stands… usually.

So, the ‘morning after’ pill it was then. Claire grimaced. She was a mature, medical professional and had acted like some horny teenager with no thought for consequences.

As she made to get up from the floor, another thought struck her… Frank. This was quickly followed by the realisation that it had taken her hours to actually think about him. That wasn’t good. Maybe a perfect match was out there waiting for Claire, but she had just proved to herself that it definitely wasn’t Frank.

******

The roads were remarkably quiet as Jamie made his way up to Lallybroch. He knew his father would make no comment about his somewhat late arrival. He would automatically assume that Jamie had stayed with either Murtagh or John.

The worst thing he could do, Jamie told himself, was to keep thinking about Claire and last night… or about Claire and her future. But it wasn't just his imagination, last night had been special. The way their bodies had come together, instinctively, no thought required. No thought for anything. Jamie automatically slammed on the brakes. Certainly no thought for contraception. Shit! He hoped Claire was on the pill. How could he not have asked? And what must she be thinking of him now?

******

Claire sat at her desk, trying to dictate patient letters, without much success. Instead, her mind kept focusing on her date with Frank that evening. He had said, in his text, that he had a surprise for her. Well, probably not as big a surprise as she had in store for him.

Claire shook her head. That thought really wasn't fair to Frank. He was a nice man, just not the right man. And she knew what she had to do… tonight, when he came to pick her up. She would have to tell him then.

**************

As soon as Claire arrived home from work, she hurried to her bedroom and stripped her bed. Fresh sheets, she decided, smelling of soap powder and oriental blossom fabric conditioner would undoubtedly help to diminish the memory of the previous night. Without thinking, she reached for a pillowcase and inhaled the lingering aroma of Jamie’s cologne, unchanged for eight years.

*********

Nine years ago

“Are ye sniffing me, Sassenach? Do I reek, have I forgotten tae put deodorant on?”

“No, just the opposite. Are you using a new aftershave?”

“Aye, Jenny brought me back a bottle duty free from her holidays. Tom Ford, apparently. Do ye like it?”

“Oh, yes. It’s lovely. Let me have another sniff… ooh... Makes me feel all sorts of things… it’s quite a turn-on.”

“Ah, yer breath is tickling my neck. Ye’re giving me goosebumps… what are ye doin’ now, Sassenach?... I’ve no’ put any aftershave down there… A Dhia… Sassenach… I’ll always use this now.”

*******

Quickly, Claire threw the pillowcase into the laundry basket and carried on remaking the bed. Her phone pinged and she paused to check her messages. There was one from John and she eagerly read it:

Doctor pleased with progress. Swelling reduced. Hopefully will start to bring out of coma over the next few days. Relieved or what? Mary and her parents doing ok. She says thanks for the messages. See you soon. John

Once the bed was made to Claire’s satisfaction, she prepared a cup of coffee and sat, waiting for Frank. There was no need to change out of her work clothes, she intended to tell Frank as soon as he arrived. There was no use in prolonging the inevitable.

Exactly at 7:30 p.m., the intercom buzzed, announcing the arrival of Frank. Claire let him in and waited at her front door.

“Good evening, darling.” Frank leaned in to kiss her as Claire moved her head. His lips made light contact with her cheek.

He looked puzzled as he pulled away, taking in her somewhat creased attire and wayward curls. “Long day? Have you just got back from the hospital? You'd better get a move on.”

He carried on talking as they walked into the living room. “I made a reservation for 8 o’clock. And, you’ll never guess, I found a restaurant, here in Glasgow, that is authentic Turkish Black Sea cuisine. Just like your trips with Lamb. I remember you telling me about eating Muhlama and laz böreği for the first time. So I thought I’d surprise you, a trip down memory lane, Claire. We could spend the evening with your reminiscences. But hurry, I’ll wait here.”

Claire watched Frank as he spoke, wincing inwardly at the over-pronunciation of the Turkish words. She made no move to go and change, but sat on the sofa and indicated that he should sit too.

Claire hesitated for a moment. Was this really what she wanted to do? Frank was rational, discreet, polished -- a true adult, seemingly not prone to any stubbornness or petulance. But, she realised, there were never any unguarded moments of excitement, no real emotions, no careless words spoken. He seemed too generally agreeable.

Another man appeared, unbidden, in her mind -- certainly more stubborn and petulant, irrational at times but filled with warmth and sincerity. Claire forced that image away and spoke.

“Frank, Thank you for thinking about me… with the restaurant choice, but I need to talk to you. I’m sorry, there’s no easy way to say this, but I think we should… er… stop seeing each other.”

Frank made a move to interrupt.

“Please, Frank, let me finish. I know it sounds like a cliché, but truly, it’s not you. I thought I was ready for a relationship, but I’m not. I know I’m not and it’s best to stop now before it goes further. I don’t want to hurt you any more.”

Claire watched Frank as he thought about this. His arm rested on the sofa. Claire noticed his hand tightly digging into the fabric momentarily before relaxing. He refused to look at Claire, his gaze was over her shoulder, focussed on the eclectic mix of photographs on the wall.

“Is there someone else?”

Claire barely hesitated before lying. “Frank, this isn’t about anyone else. There is no one else. It’s just about me.”

“Well… I’m… what can I say? I thought this was going somewhere. I really did. Can’t we try? Take it slowly, maybe… let a relationship grow.”

“I’m sorry, really I am, Frank, but I can’t do that. I can’t pretend this is going somewhere. And it’s not you. I’m not in the right place for a relationship. I can’t tell you how bad I feel but… well…” Claire repeated the familiar clichés.

Frank stood up. “If that’s how you feel, Claire, there’s nothing more I can say. Please sleep on it. If you change your mind, you have my number, ring me. I was in this for the long haul, I thought you were too.”

Together they walked to the front door. As Claire’s hand reached for the handle, Frank turned to her. “I don’t know what happened to you in the past, Claire, but it’s closed you off, you always seem so self contained. You need to open up to possibilities. I felt this every time we were together, you were always holding back, always reticent. You have to move forward… whatever it is, you need to let go.”

NOTE: the description of Frank ‘rational, discreet....generally agreeable’ is paraphrased from the original novel

#outlander fanfic #outlander fan fiction #Letting Go #Jamie Fraser #Claire Beauchamp #Chapter 11

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writing-in-riverdale · 7 years ago

Text

twin andrews part 8 | jughead x reader

part seven

a/n: im super sorry that these are all messed up and events aren’t happening in order blah blah & i haven’t been posting often and all that nonsense but I’ve been in a weird head space and haven’t had the energy or want to write the past week. this chapter really shows how crap my writing has been lately and hence why its kinda all over the place, struggle to write this part for some reason I’m yet to be made known, these are always organic and i love this story with my whole entire heart but this part seemed force for some reason? ill get better and post regular soon enough my loves, I’m sorry again. enjoy xx

✖

i was woken abruptly from my sleep when my brother swings open the bathroom door flicking on the light switch. i shift from my position on the floor my neck and back already aching.

i didn’t even need to look in the mirror to know that i have makeup all over my face, i didn’t have the opportunity to wash it off after a last minute unscheduled break down occurred.

“are you okay?” he offers me his hand sleep still evident in his voice, i shake my head standing up on my own ignoring his judging glances as i splash water on my face, refreshing myself before leaving him stunned and worried in our bathroom.

i walk down the hall and into my room siting myself down on my already made bed. i sigh already not looking forward to the lecture i was about to receive from my mother and my father.

i finally make the move to get ready pulling myself together for the day, trying to make myself look less zombie like and more; im frocking in a valley filled with flowers.

i barely make it half way down the street before betty rushes to my side panting, a worried expression on her face. “you good blondie?” she pants trying to catch her breathe from her spur of the moment jog.

“what happened to you last night? i tired to call you a billion times!” she stammers a frown forming on her lips “what’d i miss?”

we begin our walk to school as betty rambles on about finding her sister in a home for ‘trouble youths’ only to find her pregnant with jasons baby and totally unaware of his death.

oh but it doesn’t end there, they had planned to run away and jason has stashed a car on the highway which the two sleuths found photographed and then reported to sheriff keller; when i saw the pair at the variety show mid break down

but once they finally got the squad car out there the car was up in flames destroying all possible evidence in the car, the believe that they were followed and now well now polly broke out of the loony bin she was in

“and that’s what you missed on glee” i mumble as she tugs me into the student lounge all of our friends already vacating the couches provided

i flop down on the couch wincing as my neck starts to ache, i was too wrapped up in my discomfort that i didn’t even notice i had sat down next to jughead.

we hadn’t spoken since he left me at the school last night, things were still tender and i didn’t know where i stood with him anymore.

apon my arrival the group discussion seemed to fizzle into nothing, worry and nervousness plaster on their faces. thats when i knew that archie must’ve told them what happened last night

i swallow hard, bring my hand up to stroke the tenderness in my neck and shoulders “you okay?” ronnie perks up knowing exactly why. i was still mad at her for not telling me about our parents, i thought she was supposed to have my back

“i just slept funny that’s all” i cough, awkwardness still evident in the air “so betty fill me in more what happening with polly now?”

betty begins to ramble on about polly breaking out and now being no where to find and thats she’s worried that the blossom will think that polly’s connect somehow to the car blaze and quite possibly, jason’s murder.

the others were too caught up in bettys worrying words that they didn’t catch jughead moving to sit next to me his arm snaking around my waist trying to comfort me

i exhale moving toward him allowing myself to feel somewhat relaxed at his touch. i offer him a small smile before he places his hands back into his lap, trying not to draw attention to us.

“we need to find her before the blossoms do” betty concluded looking to me with sad eyes. i slip my hand over hers giving it a squeeze “and we will- all of us”

i look to jughead and the others begging them to back me up “we’ll find her b” veronica smiles at her blonde friend placing her coffee cup onto the table infront of her

“thanks guys” a smile widens on her face glancing back at me

the bell rings indicating the start of first period, i mumble a quick goodbye before fleeing the group and entering the hall head hung low

my loneliness is short lived when betty & veronica are on either side of me pestering me in what happened with me last night.

“nothing- seriously i haven’t been feeling too well so i just left and went home” the raven haired girl sighs “we can’t help you if you don’t tell us (y/n/n)”

you give the worried girl a half smile “if there was something wrong yous would be the first to know, i promise” they share glances between each other before giving in “fine”

✖

“no body told me we were treking through the woods” i complain as we trudge through the muddy forrest in search of the older cooper girl.

the blossoms found out about polly & the car and in the blossoms books polly was now a prime suspect in their sons murder meaning, we had to find polly before the blossoms did

i drifted to the back of the pack not being able to shake the idea of my dad with hermione out of my brain. a twig trips me and i almost end up face first into the mud when a pair of arms grab me

“woah” i exhale as the arms let me go allowing myself to gain my composer, i tune slightly catching the raven hair in the sunlight. “thanks reggie” i mumble stuffing my hands in my pocket

this was the first time we’d spoken since the playbook ordeal and honestly i didn’t want anything to do with him ever again. but i knew, i knew that there was more to him then his jock exterior.

“i want to apologise-” i shake my head but he grabs my shoulder alarming “please let me finish” i smack my lips together waiting for his explanation.

“i was an asshole, i know that but i-i really like you (y/n) and i want you to give me another chance” i furrow my eyebrows glancing to see jughead burning a hole in my head

i turn to the boy shaking my head slightly when he crashes his lips onto mine, i push on his chest instantly breaking our contact “what the hell mantle!” i yell moving away from the boy toward my friends.

my breathe shakes as i try and catch up to the brunette boy. my brother rushes toward me anger on his face “what’s wrong?! I swear to god if he touched you-” he stammers his face growing redder by the minute.

“archie leave it please” i push his chest trying to calm the angry boy, he finally gives in letting my drag him over toward our friends.

betty’s too focused on her missing sister to even bat an eyelid at her friends behaviour, walking ahead catching up with her parents. i spot jughead and rush over to him tugging lightly on his arm “jug” i plead

he turns around, a scowl on his face “jug please, don’t be mad at me i didn’t do anything wrong” i whisper trying not to cause a scene “forget it (y/n)” he scoffs moving away from me leaving with no other choice than to watch him leave

nothing seemed to be going my way today, i let out a long sigh as veronica joins my side “you doing anything tonight?” she asks wickedly.

“no why?” i ask puzzled glancing between kevin and veronica “well me and a few others were thinking of going out tonight- be the best gal pal and come with?” i smile to myself.

“count me in oh and bets” she inhales sharply at the name drop “she’s got enough of her plate- I don’t think she’ll be up for it” I shrug “yeah well you’re right- ill see you later yeah?”

“come to my house and we’ll get ready together?” i nod as she tackles me in a tight hug “bye!” she chirps leaving me alone with my thoughts.

a few hours later we’d finally given up on the man hunt and come to the conclusion that the blossoms and the coopers were now on the ‘same team’ apon finding out that polly was indeed carrying jasons baby

which brings me to now, walking home with my brother and betty. it was silent the sounds of leaves crunching under our feet as no one dares to speak, the wind whistle through the trees as we reach the front of our house.

i find myself thinking back to reggie and our kiss- how jughead witnessed it and felt betrayal from yet another person whom was supposed to be his best friend

“you okay?” my brother asks as betty rushes into her house after a brain wave. “yeah” i smile weakly moving up the steps “can you drive me to V’s?”

he nods scooping up his keys and ushering me back out to the car “i need to tell you something-” he starts but i interrupt him “arch it’s getting bad again”

he starts the car his eyes twitching “why didn’t you tell me?” i sigh disappointment flooding his voice, “i didn’t want mum or dad to know arch- they’ll send me back”

“i won’t tell dad, unless you-” i shake my head “please don’t finish that sentence” i whisper lowly closing my eyes as fresh tears drip down my cheeks

“we’re here” he whispers, i open my eyes to see us infront of veronica’s building “thank you” i lean over the console and wrap my arms around the red headed boy “im sorry”

he squeezes me back before letting me shrink back into m seat “have fun okay?” i nod wiping my tears exiting the car “wait what did you want to tell me?” he shakes his head “ill tell you later yeah?” i nod stepping back from the car watching him drive off into the distance.

✖

“i can’t believe you talked me into this” i mumble as we walk into the busy club, veronica had invited our mutual friends josie & kevin but she had seemed to neglect to mention that our very own mantle the magnificent would be in attendance also

apparently she need disposable arm candy, she was right on both counts.

“i don’t know about you but im getting unbelievably drunk” i announce to the group before walking over to the bar and ordering a round sticking it on the lodge girls tab

we all had a few too many tequila shots before veronica grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the dance floor, the bass thumping through my chest as we begin dancing throwing our hair behind our shoulders

we sway to the rhythm of the beat, the sounds tempo growing faster the more intoxicated we got. reggie managed to sneak up behind me grabbing my hips and tugging them back slightly

not giving a care in the world i push back into him, his nails seemed to dig into my waist at this point, he’s hands felt like fire on my exposed skin.

we move as one swaying against each other before reggie turns me around his hands moving all over my body, too drunk to process anything i giggle pressing my soft lips to his, feeling a drive inside of me that wanted reggie.

i pull back lust filling my eyes as are friends squeal, whistling at the two of us. i look back to the raven haired boy only to see jughead, i leaned forward and kissed him again pulling back to see reggie

“reggie?” i mutter the music drowning out my voice “what’s wrong baby?” he rasps moving close to me, i close my eyes trying to shake jughead out of my head, did i really want jughead that bad that i imagined him?

he nibbles at my neck and i look forward, lucid. kevin seemed to be seeing a little more straight, stumbling over to the pair of us “easy on mantle” he pulls me from the jocks grasp walking me over toward our booth, his hand on the small of my back

i spot a bartender and ask for another round of tequila before the whole group flopped down the lady returning with a tray filled with 5 shots

the others seemed to pale as they saw the liquid sitting before them, one glance to reggie as he grinned away at you didn’t make you think twice before polishing off all 5 shots

the club owner walks over muttering a few words to veronica and the rest of us but my head was spinning like no ones business. next thing i know reggies picking me up and carrying me toward our ride home

we reach my house and i giggle snuggling myself into kevin, he huffs helping me out the car watching as veronica walks me toward my front door, feeling like bambi on ice

the door swings opening revealing a very worried archie “archiekins!!” i giggle throwing myself into his arms “thanks ronnie” she nods walking back to the car as archie struggles to hold me upright as he shuts the front door and sneaks me upstairs without my dad hearing us, harder than it sounds trust me.

“stay here ill duck down and get you some water” i nod leaning against the door frame almost collapsing when i look in to see my raven haired friend laying down the pull out mattress in my brothers room.

he shifted on the bed seeming to have be almost asleep, i tip toe inside not thinking twice before i dropped to my knees crawling onto the boys lap, kissing him awake.

i know he’s awake when he kisses back his hips shifting under mine “hey baby” i coo giggling to myself, he places his hands on either side of my hips as i teasingly grind on him

he jolts up almost throwing me off his lap “juggie!” i yell playfully my arms secured around his neck he licks his lips “where have you been?” he questions.

“out with ronnie” i giggling running my hands through his hair, “you’re beautiful” i whisper looking down to his lips

“(y/n)!” my brother rushes forward pulling me off the raven haired boys lap “im so sorry she’s drunk” he rushes holding me up right “you don’t say?” he chuckles “it’s fine arch” he reassures.

“im going to go to bed” i state slyly “juggie wanna come with meee” i tease biting my bottom lip “(y/n)!” he warns

i turn and pout stumbling out of archies room and into mine changing into one of archies shirt and the shortest shorts i own before wondering back into the bathroom wipes in hand

i open the bathroom door running into a body, a laugh sneaks out of my lips as i almost fall, it was jughead once again.

“what are you doing?” he chuckles your eyes glued to his plump lips, i hold up my wipes and he chuckles, placing his large hands under my thighs lifting me up and placing me on the counter.

“you can barley stand, let me do it” i smile stupidly allowing the boy to remove all my makeup before i find myself drifting off, my head leaning against the mirror behind me.

“c'mere” he whispers in my ear as he takes me in his arms walking me into my room and placing me gently onto the bed, “thanks baby” i mumble clinging to the poor boy

“goodnight” he laughs placing a soft kiss on the forehead before exiting my room, sleep engulfing me as soon as i shut my eyes.

✖

the sun streams through my window and i feel like my eyes have been set on fire, i groan attempting to sit up only for my head to throb like nobodies business.

i swing my legs out of my bed, my feet tingling in the soft carpet. i push myself up only for my legs to seem to fall from beneath me, i cuss as my body hits the ground my head spinning.

my bedroom door swings open revealing my brother and jughead, they share a glance sighing as they take in my state. “jughead?” i say slightly surprised that the raven haired boy was in my house at 7am.

“thats what i wanted to tell you last night, he’s staying with us for a bit” puzzled i place a hand on my head feeling it throb, “what happened last night?”

“you reeked of tequila” jughead jokes and at the mention i feel a wave of nausea wash over me, i jump up sprinting past the two as i throw myself at the toilet bowl beginning to throw up my whole stomach contents.

i lean back against the wall taking a sigh of relief before my head starts to throb again, i crawl over to the sink grabbing my toothbrush and ridding myself of my vomit breathe.

“here” i jump at the sound that sounded 10 times louder then it was, i smile through the mirror at the brunette boy behind me. i turn and take the glass from his hands “thank you” i whisper taking large gulps.

he laughs at me which makes me want to cry “jug” i complain playfully shoving his chest, which only caused he to chuckle more. “god i do not remember a damn thing” i let out a tired sigh.

“wait you don’t?” he ask, puzzled. “nope- well i mean i remember taking 1-2-3- actually i stopped counting after 8 tequila slammers” i grimace

“and you don’t remember coming home?” he questions as we walk back toward my bedroom “you were here last night?!” i panic trying to rack my brain if i did anything remotely stupid in front of the cute rave haired boy.

“so you don’t-” he starts before my brother walks toward the pair of us a smug smile on his face “remember crawling on top of jug and making out with him? yano grinding? tongue down his throat?”

he chuckles and i play feeling extremely embarrassed too scared to look at jugheads expression i shove the two out of my room shutting the door behind them.

“fuck” i cuss a knock soflty placed on my door “go away archie!”

“not archie” my eyes almost pop out of my head as i open the door to come face to face with my father, i scowl on his face.

i look further down the hall to see that the boys had made themselves scarce, “(y/n)” he addresses me “fred” i counter back

“mind telling me why you were out till 3am drinking, on a school night?” my mouth hangs open “jeez arch thanks” i yell down the short corridor.

“young lady i am talking to you” i huff shrinking back, “i was out with v”

“drinking” he argues “you can’t go to school with a hang over (y/n), stay home, hydrate” he states dryly. i throw my arms around the tall man “thanks freddy”

“don’t push it” i nod rushing back to my bed snuggling under the covers letting myself fall back to sleep.

✖

turns out sleep wasn’t the way to go to cure a hangover so i went to the second best thing, pop’s. i rushed around to change and set out on the short walk to the diner my stomach rumbling as the smell of fries and bacon filled the air the closer i got to the doors.

i give pop a small smile ordering before wondering over to one of the booths, sinking into the blush chair closing my eyes ever so slightly, equation becoming clear.

pop returns with my cheeseburger plopping the plate infront of me aswell as a milkshake glass “you’re a legend” i whisper inhaling the sweet smell of greasy meat lathered in cheese.

“wheres hermione?” i question picking at my bowl of fries “she didnt tell you?” he questions only for me to shake my head in response. the door chimes as jughead moves swiftly through the door and toward me.

“she’s working with your dad, she quit yesterday” my stomach flips nausea coming back to me, jughead seemed to notice my mood change saying a quick hi to pop as he slides in next to me, a comforting arm slipped around m waist.

“thanks pop” i smile sadly tuning out as jughead places an order before the dark skinned man moved back toward the counter.

“hey whats wrong?” jughead whispers softly, his hands moving at my sides. I’m quick to wipe a fallen tear, “i don’t think my parents are ever going to get back together” i say through tears feeling glances of empathy from the jones boy.

“im so naive” i wipe my cheeks furiously feeling awfully pathetic. “you’re not naive- okay? or pathetic or stupid or whatever your minds telling you are” he says tentatively.

i sniffle leaning my head against the boys shoulder “I’m a hot mess juggie” i whisper “well your definitely one of those” i giggle to myself “a mess?” i question looking into his soft eyes.

“nope, hot, a beautiful, hot, smart, kind mess” i feel my heart swelling in my chest as i find myself blushing, burying my head in the boys chest. i breathe him in my hands clutching the materials of his shirt.

“thank you” i whisper pulling away to see his face, he smiles glancing around the near empty diner before pressing his lips against mine.

“you can’t seem to get enough? can you?” i tease my hands gliding down his neck in a playful manner, “hate to break it to you sweet heart but your the one who came onto me” he replies cockily.

“is that so? i guys ill remember that for next time” i tease, he seemed to grow tense at the mention of next time.

“next time?” his adams apple bops as he swallows, “well you know, next time i find myself on top of you-” i pur moving my hand up his jean clad thigh, working its way up to play with hi suspenders.

“when I’m grinding on top of you- you kissing my neck, me kissing yours” i tease watching his little friend get awfully excited.

“(y/n)” he warns his eyes darting to the on lookers, only to find them keeping to themselves. he licks his lips crashing his lips back onto yours only to be short lived as he pulls back panting.

“you you-you can’t do this in public please” he whines.

“and what makes you think ill want-” he pause “you, again” he attempts to smirk his cheeks growing red.

“your trying to tell me that you and” i pause pointing down to the tent pitched i his pants “him” i giggle “don’t have any attraction to me?”

he places both hands in his lap trying to conceal himself, “yep” he says smoothing oozing with confidence, “you’re on” i smirk.

“what wait?” he rushes watching as my brother walks through the diner door, walking toward the two of us, he turns to me begging to tell me what he’d just gotten himself into.

i turn away from him biting into my cheeseburger “i knew id find yous here” archie sigh aspirated slipping into the booth leaning forward and nipping one of my fries “hey!”

“so jug told you?” he breathes relief “my dad spoke to your dad and managed to talk him out of storming into the station guns blazing” he laughs awkwardly silence filling the air.

puzzled i turn to the raven haired boy “why was your dad at the station?” “wait he didn’t tell you?” my brother asked confused as jughead cuts him off “it doesn’t matter” he defends.

“jug” i state seriously “what happened today?” i pester worrying filling me like a balloon. he sighs resting his head in his hands “they took me in- they thought i torched jasons car-” my jaw drops

“and you didnt think to tell me?!” i scowl anger bubbling up “i didn’t think you needed to know everything” he retorts “what the hell is that supposed to mean?” i argue my brother watching the events unfold before him.

“am i not important enough to know that you were arrested in the middle of school?!” he shakes his head looking off into the distance. “screw you” i mumble climbing roughly over the boy exiting the diner in a blaze of fury.

i slam my bedroom door behind me feeling awfully stupid, why hadn’t anyone tried to contact you when he was taken in. you pace pulling your hair out of its ponytail you flop onto your bed.

✖

“I’m sure he has a perfectly good reason why he did tell you (y/n/n)” i sigh propping my foot onto the blondes thigh as she paints my toe nails, i had invited her over to get the details about today considering my idiotic brother and he’s best friend seemed to have no intention of telling me.

“what if it was my brother? if he got arrested and he didn’t think to tell you?! you wouldn’t like it either!” i snap watching the blonde jolt slightly at the ice in my tone.

“god- b I’m sorry I’m just upset, thank you.. for coming over” she smiles happily placing my foot onto the ground, screwing the cap back on the polish before reaching for my hands.

“you’re my friend, id do anything for you” she declares before reaching forward and hugging me tight.

“has anything happened between you and jug? you seem close?” she quires, curiosity ringing clear in her words. i fumble for words but was instantly saved when the door swings open revealing jughead in the door way.

“jug” his name falls out of my mouth, silence fills the room none of us knowing what exactly to say.

“betty i didn’t know you were here- i uh hope i didn’t interrupt anything” he states nervously placing his hands in his pockets

“don’t be silly jug, i was just leaving” she says sweetly standing from her place on my bed placing to the both of us, neither of us wanting to make eye contact with each other.

“text me yeah?” betty offers and i nod standing and hugging the girl bye as she walks past jughead whisper something before she exits the room. i perch myself on the edge of my bed, hanging my head into my hands.

i feel the bed dip as a figure sits down next to me “I’m sorry” he whispers his hand gliding over my back in a soothing matter. you didn’t even notice you were crying until you felt the soft drops on my knees.

“hey please don’t cry” he whisper softly, i whimper burying my head into his chest, we sit for a while, together peacefully on my bed my cries getting softer and softer until they finally stopped.

i pull back giggling slightly “told you i was a mess” i sniffle as he wipes my cheeks dry, “i should’ve told you the second i walked into pops, you just- i don’t want you to think any less of me” he pauses sucking in a breathe.

“why would you care what i think? above everyone else?” i question earning a long sigh “because- you- you’re above everyone else, i really care about you- (y/n) andrews” he whispers lowly.

happy tears brim my eyes, “jug” i chuckle moving my head into his neck placing several kisses. he moans slightly and i giggling curling my legs up into his lap as he told me all about school and sheriff kellers questioning.

“oh and my dad got his job back- with your dad- we’re going to dinner” he smiles happily “the last time i saw your dad i was a blabbing mess juggie” he grins at the memory placing a kiss to her temple “i know”

“you’ll be fine just get changed and we’ll meet with them yeah?” i nod pushing myself off the bed and away from the raven haired boy.

feeling a little more relieved about where you stood with the boy i started to feel little playful, remembering the small diner bet you remove your shirt without thinking twice.

“oh my god (y/n)” he breathes out he’s words fumble on my bed, i turn and batter my eyelids at the boy, he rushed forward covering my chest with his jacket “i thought you dint want me?” i tease.

he licks his lips “i don’t" he stammers nervously “what if your brother walked in?!” he exclaims. you move away from the boy removing your jeans causing the boy to dash out of your room leaving you in a blushing mess.

✖

dinner was awkward, the five of us were crammed into one of the booths the table littered with burgers and fries. i was stuck between jughead & archie watching my father try and make polite conversation with the southside man.

“isn’t it unbelievable that she looks just like mary did in highschool?” FP comments a famous jones smirk on his lips. i swallow feeling uncomfortable at the name drop

my dad nods turning to me with a sad smile “yeah she does doesn’t she- she’s beautiful” my eyes well with tears as i watch him exhale in desperation.

“mary was a hot one in high school but not as hot as hermione right fred?” he nudges my dad the boys laughing “what’s that supposed to mean?” i interject my eyes wide with curiosity.

“your dad and her used to date in high school” he cackles grinning ear to ear “im mean your mother wasn’t the nicest person in high school, but from what i know i guess she’s still a bitch”

“don’t you dare talk about my mother like that” i snap anger coursing through my veins, as much as i say i despise my mother i will not let some middle aged man bag her out over burgers and milkshakes, no way in hell.

“(y/n) it’s okay” my dad try’s to reason laughing along with his friend “how is it okay, dad?” i argue feeling a hand intertwine with mine under the table.

“let’s not do this” he waves pop over for the bill, “yeah keep putting it off, just like you do with the divorce papers” i hiss.

“feisty little one you’ve got there andrews” the jones man teases “what can i say, i get it from my mother” i turn to jughead gesturing him to leave the booth.

he drops my hand and allows me to move away from the men, “ill see you back at the house” i mutter moving away, desperate glances from my brother and my raven haired best friend.

the loud hum of guitars in our garage stopped me from being able to study and i was getting extremely frustrated. pulling on a jumper i move down the stairs and outside the cold air nipping at my face.

i walk in and catch the boys in what seemed like a hushed conversation, “hey” i mumble shifting on my feet “cute socks” jughead teases noticing my somber expression.

i walk over and plant myself in between the two of them, “im sorry about my dad-” i shake my head sighing “jug please don’t apologise, it’s not your fault” i interject.

we hear voices approaching the garage and jughead rushes to his fathers jacket removing the flask and stashing it in the couch before rushing back to his original spot next to me

his father stumbles in drunk, no control over his body as he fall onto the couch “we should get going” jughead announces standing from his spot on the couch.

i stand quickly from my spot grabbing at his wrist stopping him from moving forward “wait- your not staying?” he shakes his head and i sigh “ill be okay” he reassures before moving past me and helping his father stand up right.

he glances back as we all share somber expression, FP jones was drowning and he was pulling jughead down with him.

✖

“a baby shower?” i question my brows furrowing, “is that really a good idea?” i yawn. i didn’t get much sleep last night, i was up worrying about jughead staying with his father and not to mention the news of finding out that my dad’s rekindling with his first love

“yes, it’s a great idea!” she reassures betty & i grabbing at her hands “fine v, it sounds great” betty smiles as the raven haired girl squeaks in joy.

“well atleast i don’t have to go” jughead breathes out leaning back into the lockers, i turn toward him narrowing my eyes “you’re going” he pulls his eyebrows together “why-” i cut him off “jughead if i have to go this then so, do, you”

he raises his hands up in surrender “okay okay” i smile to myself laughing at the boy before popping a piece of watermelon into my mouth, the bell ringing

“you wanna help me plan (y/n/n)?”i nod my head continuing to nibble on my fruit, “yeah sure” she grabs onto my hand pulling me away from the group and out of the school.

i follow closely behind the raven haired girl as she pulls me into a booth ordering for the booth of us and pulling out a notebook and a few pens.

“okay so..” my eyes drift out the window watching the rain splatter onto the glass “what do you think” she concludes tugging at my arm.

“did you know?” i mutter, turning my gaze so it was on her “know what?” she knits her eyebrows together giving me a puzzled expression

“about my dad” she inhales sharply pausing as pop places our orders infront of us “yes” i roll my eyes laughing curtly to myself “(y/n)” she says softly trying to reach out for my hand.

“why didn’t you tell me v? this is-this is what friends are supposed to be for! to have your back and tell you what’s going on” i mutter frustrated feeling fears build up in my eyes

“im so sorry (y/n) i didn’t know it upset you so much” she whispers back moving her hands on top of mine “i didn’t know it would either” i sniffle hot tears rolling down my cheeks.

“my dad kept putting off the divorce and i thought- that maybe that things weren’t as bad, that maybe-“ “they’d get back together”

“i feel so naive and stupid v” i confess tears dripping onto my shirt, she sighs in disbelief “you’re not stupid or naive, you’re hopeful and it’s not always a bad thing”

i wipe my eyes, “i better go v” i announce, she wines extending her arms “we’ve barley even started planning!!” she urges tugging at my wrist

“i need to drop in and see my dad- my brother and the others are filling in for dad’s crew-” she nods understandingly “fine ill call b- go”

i smile at her before swiftly exiting the booth and making my way over to my dad’s office, i could see the boys off in the distance helping with the demo, hard hats and all.

“hello darling” i turn my head to see hermione exiting he office clipboard in hand, “i was looking for my dad?” she points over to my father supervising the boys “thank you” i smile at her before quickly headed in my fathers direction.

“hey bud” my father greets me wiping sweat from his forehead, i smile brightly at the man glancing around the worksite “how’s it going” he nods looking at the boys work.

“they’ve been a big help-” he pauses as my brother walks over wheelbarrow filled with rubble “you work that wheelbarrow archikins” i tease

“i need you both home tonight-” he narrows his eyes at the both of us “i was going to get some study done with betty-” he shakes his head “this can’t wait” i nod laughing slightly “fine”

my brother lingers back with my dad as i walk away in the direction of the raven haired boy hauling concrete, “oo, something about tank tops and hard hats that make me drool” i giggle gaining the boys attention.

“what are you doing here?” he sounds hoarse “just wanted to see you” i admit fiddling with my hair “oh yeah?” he smirks, his muscles flexing

“what can i say i have a thing for working class men” i wink touching his chest playfully “everything okay?- with your dad?” i nod “yeah, apparently he has important news or something- i have to cancel study with b” i huff turning on my spot to see my brother and my dad in what seemed like a hushed conversation.

“im sure it’s nothing” he assures me stepping forward, i let out a sigh glancing down to his lips, he catches on shuffling toward me “you okay?” he whispers lowly.

i nod dragging my hands through my hair “of course-i’ll let you get back to it”

”(y/n) you can talk to me you know? about anything" he edges closer to me, sympathy in his eyes “i know, i spoke to v. im okay juggie seriously”.

“veronica? really?” he responds a slight sting to his words “since when were you bestie with her?” i flinch at the unexpected tone “we aren’t! jeez jug she can just relate to me a-”

he cuts me off with a scoff “what im not relatable enough?!” he steps back putting more distance between us as he stacks the concrete into the wheelbarrow beside him

“seriously jones?! your jealous because i told ronnie about my feelings toward my parents divorce?!” i hiss “ronnie?” he pauses laughing slightly to himself

“forget it” i mutter moving away from the boy running into moose as i head toward my brother “hey (y/n)” i sign “hey moose” i reply tiredly

“could you hold my phone for me i don’t want it to fall from my pocket i nod placing it in my bag before walking over to my father.

“everything okay?” he asks and i nod plastering a smile on my face “what can i do to help” i ask placing my bag down next to me “okay well how about you start with this”

✖

“it’s getting pretty dark dad i think it’s time to knock off” i notify my dad, my feet starting to ache from standing so long. he nods calling the boys into the office.

the sun seems to set in record time as the industrial lights click on the boys staggering up the steps for refreshments, i head up the stairs when moose comes bounding down.

“do you still have my phone” i widen my eyes “crap i left it in my bag” he follows me back down the steps and over toward a pile of bricks where i’d left my bag

i swipe it up and turn to moose to see a few men smashing up my dad’s equipment “hey!” we both yell in sync walking closer to the men in anger.

next thing i knew the blurry black figure was rushing toward me throwing me against the trailer wall punching me in the face and kicking moose in the stomach.

i scream out as they throw me on the floor next to moose, falling limp as they beat me to a pulp, they scream when they hear the others rush from the office and toward us

i groggily open my eyes to see my dad and brother huddled over me “someone call sheriff keller” i hear them yell blood rushing from my lip.

i sit up feeling dizzy almost fall back but archie slips in behind me holding me upright “what happened?!” my dad begs desperation in his voice as he looks to the injured jock.

“we saw them trash the equipment and they chased us down and-” my dad nods looking toward me pulling me into a hug brushing down my hair “your going to be okay”

the boys lift me up and usher me toward hermione’s car as she drives me to the hospital so my father could stay back and give a statement to sheriff keller

betty & veronica had rushes to the hospital at the news just as they were patching me up, nothing too serious just a few bruised ribs and a split lip aswell as a few small cuts and bruises.

“what the hell happened?!” veronica exclaimed as the two rush into the small room i was told to sit in, just to make sure nothing else was wrong with me, brain wise.

“just some jerks trashing my dad’s equipment, moose and i saw and they made the jump on us- im fine, honestly they didn’t even admit me im practically brand new” i joke a smile on my sore face.

“god you gave us a heart attack!” betty yells her voice raised as she pulls me into a bone crashing hug “ribs ribs ribs” i exclaim wincing “brand new huh?” i roll my eyes “take me home yeah?”

with a nod and a few sign documents veronica’s mum dropped betty and i home just as my brother had arrived with my father and jughead.

betty keeps her arm looped in mine as we wave off the lodge girls walking toward my family. my dad rushes over hugging me tightly “ow ow” i wince my eyes pricking with tears.

“broke some ribs- apparently” i complain offering a weak smile, guilt covers his entire face “i need to call your mother and let her know- thank you betty” he smiles to my blonde best friend.

“anytime mr andrews- ill see you at the baby shower yeah?” i nod squeezing her hand “see you there” i follow everyone inside, vegas jumping up at our feet

“hey baby-hey vegas my wilttle baby” i coo in a baby voice letting her like my face, “i missed you girl, i missed you” i giggle as her fur tickles my face

“c'mon bed” i straight up glancing up at my brother “wow okay mum” i poke fun walking past him and up the stairs, i swing into the bathroom deciding that a warm shower could help me sleep.

my towels wrapped tightly around my wet body as i quickly brush my teeth before exiting the bathroom, almost loosing my towel as i run into a body.

“jug?” i sigh, tightening my towel. he licks his lips looking at my own, his eyes dropping down to my chest and then my legs “you okay?” i ask the raven headed boy as he checks me out

i was too busy staring at him that i didn’t even notice his hands around my waist, he tugs me toward him and i suck in a breathe glancing down to his lips “archie’s-” “asleep” he finishes.

i bite my lip ducking past him and rushing to my room putting on a decent amount of clothes before re opening my door “juggie” i call softly down the hall watching as jughead exists the bathroom.

once he’s close enough i grab at his shirt pulling him into my room in one swift movement “woah” he chuckles grabbing onto my waist for support.

“stay with me?” i whisper lowly, wetting my lips with my tongue “please” i beg fiddling with his shirt.

“okay” he whispers back allowing me to slip into my bed, he kneels down joining our hands together as i close my eyes attempting some sort of sleep.

“thank you” i mumble taking a deep breathe as im pulled into a deep slumber, jughead by my side protecting me as i slept, fighting off my bad dreams as they came.

✖

“order up!” i rush toward the kitchen grabbing a tray fall of milkshakes and fries “your brothers booth” i nod balancing the tray in my arms as i walk over to my friends

it had been a few days since the snake incident and herimone quitting so i was required to be back at work, pop needed me and i wasn’t about to give up on him when he needed me.

“here you go-” i chirp suddenly registering the hostility in the air, the table falls quiet as i place down the various milkshakes and baskets of fries

the whole gang came down to see how i was doing before the girls & jughead continued on to polly’s baby shower. jughead was fairly irritated when he found out that i wasn’t attending and that he still needed to.

“how are you feeling?” betty asks concern filling her voice “im fine- what’s going on?” i question tucking my tray under my arm.

“im going to find out who did this” archie stammers loitering at the front of the booth “archie it happened so fast i wouldn’t even know what they look like” “it was the serpents!”

my blood runs cold, my memory going back to the night of the snake delivery “we don’t know that archie-” i warn him jughead banging his palms on the table “see archie even your sister agrees with me”

“what are you going to do archie? beat them up?” i press anger rushing through me “don’t be an idiot” i finish shaking my head.

“moose and i are going to the southside to find those serpents, it’s worth a shot if it helps me dad”

“kevin’s boyfriend-” “kev has a boyfriend?” i stammer confused before letting me brother continue “can get us in to some bar were the serpents hang out”

betty & veronica share worried glances before looking to me hoping i’d be able to defuse the situation “then what arch? moose points them out and you play hero and beat them up?” i argue

“look arch i love you but you couldn’t even take a hit from reggie let alone a grown man who happens to be an a gang- ive seen some of the things they do-” i pause

“they left a box with a freaking snake in the lobby! they could be dangerous and how do we know for a fact that it is them?! you could be wrong and you don’t want to be wrong about this stuff archie!”

he shakes his head at me clenching his fists in anger “archie you don’t want to make an enemy out of a serpent!” i try and reason with him getting awfully fed up

“no! we’ll call sherif keller and get these goons arrested- they can’t get away with what they’ve done (y/n) i thought you’d understand that!” he argues

“archie going into the bar is a bad idea” jughead stresses as my brother begins to pace “are you coming with me or not?” i place my hand on his chest “no he isn’t and neither are you- archie if i find out that you or jughead go to that bar i swear to god ill never speak to you again” i seethe

he looks past me and bores his eyes into jughead’s as the raven haired boy makes no attempt to move from his place in the booth.

the others all look up to the hot headed boy “thanks for having my back” he mutters to jughead before moving away from the table and to the door.

“archie” i call after him “archie wait!” i yell half jogging toward the door but it was too late he was long gone, i let out a sigh trudging back to the others as they exit the booth

“where are you guys going?” i question “we better leave to help my mum with the shower, he’ll be okay (y/n/n) he won’t do anything stupid” the raven haired girl assures me giving me a small warm hug

“you do know we’re talking about my brother here, right?” she smiles grabbing the blondes hand as the walk out of the diner.

jughead gives me a small smile before he weaves past me “wait jug” i grab ahold of his hand pulling him back to face me “please don’t go with him” i beg my voice seemed to crack

“i promise you i won’t” i nod tearing up “hey you’re going to be so jealous because i get to go to the event of the year! god i love baby showers, it’s actually on my bucket list” he smiles sarcastically.

“i can’t wait to hear all about it” i tease pushing him toward the door “go before they start to get sus” he nods tipping his non existent hat before following after the two girls.

leaving me to a extremely busy diner and a 9 hour shift

✖

i linger a few minutes longer as i wait for my friends to re-enter the diner, they’d promised that they’d come by for dinner and tell me all about what happened after my shift, my shift ended an hour ago.

just as i’d given up hope and headed toward the exit betty & veronica enter a dull smile on both of their faces “hey” i chirp fiddling with my keys

“everything okay?” i stress the girls sharing quiet glances “oh yeah! you should probably go home though” i furrow my brows “he went didn’t he?”

i shake my head not needing their answers “im going to kill him” i mutter under my breathe walking past the girls “wait!” betty calls grabbing my arm as i start my walk home

“i do have good news” she scrambles a smile now on her face “what?” i chuckle “well first off i know your big secret & im going to be a god mother!” she squeals launching herself into me.

“betty that’s awesome!” i blurt my heart feeling a little lighter “can we rewind back a little, my secret?” she blush winking at me “i know about you and juggie”

“there is no me and juggie?” i state keeping my voice calm “i need to get home b ill see you tomorrow okay?” she smirks as i speed walk away from her,

“i ship it!” she yells out causing me to giggle, that girl.

i practically run home bouncing into the front door my mood sucked down the drain when i spot archie & my dad arguing in the kitchen

i step into the light, he catches my eye and opens his mouth to speak “so did you walts into the bar with your highly distinguishable letterman jacket? huh red just stroll in blend in with a fucking blue and yellow jacket?!” i hiss

“thats enough (y/n) he knows what he’s done wrong” i shake my head moving past the boys up the steps “i found one of the guys you know- your welcome” he yells up at me as i move from his site.

i storm past archie’s room and catch a glimpse of jughead slummed against the wall, head in his hands “jug?” my voice softens entering the room slowly as to not frighten him.

he’s head perks up and he takes one look at me before dropping his eyes again “hey what’s up?” i ask crouching down next to him “are you okay?”

“did they tell you” he grins sarcastically “god i was so stupid thinking i could fit in with you guys” he scoffs to himself grabbing at his mouth.

“hey thats not true..talk to me” i scoot closer to the boy tilting his head up to look at me, my voice soft and full of concern. his eyes brim with tears.

“it’s nothing” my brows crease a wave of uselessness coming over me, i grab both sides of his face only for him to turn away from me.

“jug, talk to me please” i beg trying to gain eye contact

“(y/n)” i hear my brother call from the hall, i ignore him a tear running down my face “what happened?” the boy stands moving toward my brothers office chair leaving me on the ground

my brother touches my arm and i flinch standing myself off “stay away” i mumble “i know it’s hard to know about jugs dad but im here to apologise to the both of you-” i perk up cutting him off

“what about your dad?” i ask jughead moving toward him “that he’s a serpent, you didn’t know?” my brother speaks glancing between me and jughead.

“nice one arch” jughead mumbles

i roll my eyes “atleast someone talks to me” i snap my brother glances confusingly “wait did i miss something between you two?” i laugh manically shaking my head “why don’t you ask jughead”

i walk away from the two boys and storm into my room, anger coursing through me. i pull up a blanket and curl myself against my window ledge staring out as the rain dribbles against the glass.

i watch the street lights flicker on as dusk sets in, my father and tried to call me down for dinner but i refused, ignoring every knock on the door.

“(y/n)” “go away archie” i mumble brushing the hair out of my face, “not archie”

i turn and watch the raven haired boy sit down next to me, silent for several minutes before he turns to face me

“im sorry i didn’t tell you” he confesses looking to me for some sort of sign that i’d forgiven him, “i didn’t want it to change the way you felt about me”

i sigh moving my head away from the window “it wouldn’t have jug, it hasn’t” i tell him shaking my head slightly “it’s the fact that you hid it and when i asked you- you-you just didn’t want to tell me” i argue frustration building.

“i want you to trust me-like you do with betty and with arc-” “archie stormed into the shower and told the girls- i don’t know what they’re thinking”

“i trust you- sometimes i feel like you’re the only person i can trust” i let out a laugh a tear falling from my eye, he scoots closer to me my legs draping over his lap

“was it serpents? that beat us up? that left the box in the diner?” i fiddling with my fingers scared to look him in the eyes.

“the box yes, it wasn’t my dad (y/n) i promise you- i had no idea. i don’t think it was the people who hurt you” he sucks in a breathe glancing up at my still bruised face.

“i wish i was me” he mumbles “you didn’t deserve it” i shake my head grabbing his hand “don’t do that to yourself- you don’t deserve it either” i assure him resting my head onto his shoulder

we sit for a minute in utter silence too wrapped up in eschtoher to say a word, “you threw me in a hot water with your brother yanno, i had to tell him” you giggle fiddling with his flanno.

“told him what?” “that i kissed you- more than once” i blush “how’d he take it?” jughead laughs raising his eyebrows “it’s your brother he has as much emotion as a box of crayons”

i laugh, closing my eyes briefly, reopening them to find jughead closer to my face. i steady my breathing placing my hand on his cheek.

“im sorry” we blurt at once, laughing at each other “im sorry, jughead” i smile softly at him “im sorry too, i should’ve told you sooner”

“you know how you can make it up to me?” i smile wickedly “mmhm” “you could kiss me” a cheeky smile grows on his face “you don’t have to tell me twice”

and with that he presses his lips against mine in one soft, breathtaking kiss. i pull away sucking in a large breathe as he leans his forehead against mine.

“forgiven?” he muses a blush evident on both of our faces “mmm nope one more” i pull on his shirt joining our lips one more time.

TAG LIST AS PROMISED: @smadrat @natalieroseg @isak-lovelies @lena-lightwood @xbobaaa @savygabby @shadowycomputerrecluse @tinadotexe @peculiarbanshee @sadbreakfastclb @whitevelvetmoon @sardonic-jug @mukesbit @asexualmar @xxcalign

#riverdale #riverdale imagines #twin andrews #fanfic #imagines #archie andrews #betty cooper #veronica lodge #jughead jones #kevin keller #cheryl blossom #jughead jones imagines #jughead imagines

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chocobro-hijinks · 8 years ago

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Rock Band AU

Their band name is The Last Glaives

you’re assigned to film the backstage documentary, so you get to see the real them while they’re touring

Noctis is the main vocalist, he writes the music and is the most popular member of the band

Prompto is the backup vocalist + plays the Bass

“Because nobody notices if u make mistakes on the Bass!”

he and Noct are always in interviews together because Noct is bad at public speaking and Prompto is AWESOME at it

they’re always memeing on their official profiles, it’s how the idea of the band started in the first place

the band first went viral because Prompto accidentally posted a backstage snapchat story publicly where his prank backfired and the black chocobo pecked him in the crotch

he’s always embarrassed about it, but it launched them into fame overnight so all is good!

Nyx is on the Guitar, a solo musician who uses a discontinued vintage model which he named Galahd, the gorgeous instrument is always with him in every publicity photo and is as famous as he is

“I’m a temporary member since the band changes guitarists every tour, are you sure you should be filming me?”

Gladio plays the drums and is the only one who can keep up with the messy way Noct writes the parts

sometimes dyes his mohawk flame red so when he whips his head around during his solos it looks like a phoenix coming alive onstage

“I just love pounding on the drums, you know? You don’t get to let loose and be yourself in a normal day job.”

Ignis used to be the permanent Guitarist but a terrible car accident injured his playing arm and left him with a face full of scars, he stopped playing on stage after that.

right now he’s focusing on being the manager of the group’s activities

He deals with the businessy side of the band, taking care of contracts and sponsorships, and the complicated reports to the agency about their activities and progress.

He’s the persistent voice in Noctis’ ear when it’s time to stop procrastinating and to start writing on that new song or album

“Sometimes I have to help him find inspiration in other works, or by showing him how happy he makes his fans with every new piece. Other times, it is straight up bullying him to put down that video game and get in the studio.”

Prompto’s favorite part is when the fans go crazy at the sight of him, the screaming and flustered chaos before a song is what gives him life

Noct’s favorite part is the singing, especially when the audience have memorized the lyrics and are singing it with him

Ignis is surprisingly popular considering he only showed up for a few early songs, he blames “the cliche character traits” he falls into with the glasses and suit

he’s not aware that he’s really attractive even outside the character trope and even with the scars on his face, he just can’t see it!

no pun intended

at first Gladio seems under appreciated musically, because nobody notices the importance of the drums in a live performance, but he’s okay with it

“it’s just fun to play a gig with my buddies and get it right every single time!”

he’s super popular on fanblogs though, so who cares what snobby magazines think!

Nyx is relatively older than the rest of them and actually belongs to a different agency, but the group has no permanent guitarist and his schedule was open

their music is always upbeat and intense and he liked it, but he was never one to stick with any one band for too long

The running theme of their music is the need to bring back the light to a gloomy world, and they’re the warriors who would do it if it cost them their lives

the fans don’t realize it, but Noct actually has a chronic illness that flares up one time while you’re filming and you catch the whole ordeal on tape

it starts off like a panic attack where he can’t breathe, which makes it difficult to actually sing his lines and they end up having an unscheduled intermission

but it continues to escalate to the point where he can’t hold himself upright without assistance, his knees buckle from under him and his headaches get really bad

you film Ignis trying to convince him to cancel the rest of the night’s show but he wouldn’t disappoint the fans like that, and pushes through with sheer willpower

Prompto is crying and worried for his friend’s life, even though “It happened before but it’s still hella scary!”

Gladio slaps Noct on the back in encouragement and helps him back to the stage to finish the night

“Noct’s stubborn, so I might as well support his dumb decisions. at least this way i’ll be there to catch him before he falls.”

Nyx is concerned but entertained by the whole fiasco since nobody actually died “it’s like that time I toured with Libertus and he fell off stage but insisted on finishing the concert with his leg in a fresh cast.”

at the end of the show you ask Ignis if you should cut this part out of the documentary, and he considers your words for a while.

eventually he tells you to keep it in, the fans need to see how hard they’re is working for the world’s happiness

it started off as just another job but now you’re really in love with all these boys and their music is bomb!

somehow Noct gets you into filming a documentary about his fiance’s career: “The Heavenly Oracle”, an opera prodigy and her pianist brother.

#ffxv #ff15 #chocobros #noctis lucis caelum #ignis scentia #ffxv headcanons #gladiolus amicitia #prompto argentum #nyx ulric #libertus ostium #lunafreya nox fleuret #ravus nox fleuret #headcanons #band au #rockband au

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secretshinigami · 8 years ago

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Hyoid

Author: casuistor For: mklt Pairings/Characters: Light Yagami, Teru Mikami Rating/Warnings: General Prompt: “Mikami/Light , walking home together” Author’s notes: This is a post-canon divergent AU where both Light and Teru survive the events of the warehouse and find themselves sharing a cell for the indefinite future. Teru does not have memories of using the death note because Near burned the notes at the end. Light has his memories intact because I’m assuming he was able to switch the death note in the Task Force’s possession out for a fake one. Given that I wanted this to be more based in canon I did end up interpret “walking home together” a bit uh.. liberally. You did specify a preference for hateships after all :P Anyway, I really hope you enjoy!)

Compared to the average Japanese, Mikami Teru has a strong sense of right and wrong. What was “good” and what was “evil” did not require an explanation. His sense of justice was innate, and like a compass unerringly led to a path of righteousness. Teru had no need for anything else – he was just because he did not know how else to live, and his way of living was just because that was the only way his way of life could be. It was a convenient tautology that could have been taken from the pages of any logic textbook as an example of fallacy, but he’d never acknowledged it as such. Some things in life were simply true by definition.

Even as he became a prisoner hidden behind locked doors somewhere in the bowels of Tokyo, he was still desperate to find ways to make the narrative of what occurred at Daikoku Wharf, if not clean of any personal culpability, then at the very least more palatable. It simply doesn’t make sense that an unremarkable (albeit unusually unscheduled) visit to the bank on the 26th of January could play an instrumental role in the end of an era of divine justice.

Suppressing a violent shudder, Teru clasps his hands together tightly as he sits on the edge of his narrow cot and tries not to breathe too loudly. On the inside, he hasn’t stopped screaming.

The smell of chlorhexidine soap coming from the man sharing his cell fills Teru’s nostrils, but there are no chemicals potent enough to make him forget how the scent of that man’s blood had made the back of his throat burn with vomit.

The cell is small for one person as it is, and Teru no longer knows why he expected to be detained privately. This is, by design, surely meant to be a personal hell. Not just for him, but for that man too. In a way, he supposes he’s relieved that he left his glasses at home for some peculiar reason this morning. No need to look at the imposter in crisp resolution.

Hours pass in silence as Teru cycles between the need to claw at the walls of his new home and willing himself to fossilize on the spot in anticipation of an inevitable confrontation. For years he’d yearned for the god’s arrival, and every day since his dearest hopes became reality, he’d dreamed giddily of one day walking alongside his god. Metaphorically speaking.

God never had a face in those innocent fantasies. God was protean and immutable, unknowable and familiar all at once and nothing made Teru happier. Even when it became increasingly clear that god was indeed a person rather than a truly divine force of will, Teru had simply recalibrated. God wasn’t defined by a physical form.

But you? You’re not god. You can’t be god. God would never fail. God would never have let this happen. God would never–

And so his thoughts continued, until Yagami Light made a benign noise – a cough, a sniffle or a shiver – and startle Teru so badly that he’d forget that he’d been adhering to a sensible policy of staring pointedly at his own hands and feet.

Yagami Light is very human and very much in pain. Lying in a cot with the thin blanket pulled up to his nose, brow furrowed and eyes squeezed shut, Yagami looks no older than a teenager fresh out of high school. A sickly, pale boy like that couldn’t have been the leader of a movement to change the world – alleged magical notebooks and shinigami be damned.

Teru can only suppose that it’s physical pain that’s keeping Yagami’s mouth shut for the time being. When Yagami Light had been carted away in an ambulance, there’d been nobody in the world that Teru had wanted answers from more. Now that they’re prisoners together, every second is leeching years off his life. Arguably that can only be a good thing. He closes his eyes and buries his face in his hands.

Perhaps beyond these walls, Kira was still carrying out judgments and Yagami Light’s true purpose was to serve as a decoy for god, and Yagami Light had dutifully deceived everyone at the warehouse. Perjaps Teru himself was merely the sacrificial lamb of a sacrificial lamb. The fact that he’s even entertaining something this ridiculous ought to be reason to stop, but a bitter ‘God could have cut out the middleman’ is all he can manage to think through the band of pressure squeezing his head.

A bodily gnawing pain grows in intensity and his breath gets sourer and sourer, but when a tray of food is pushed through a slot in the door, Teru ignores it. He’d been so excited this morning that he’d rushed through his breakfast. And for what? I don’t deserve this, I want –

A lawyer. One phone call. He could leave a message for Nakajima; she was a reliable sort.

Nakajima-san, I’ve been abducted and am currently being held prisoner somewhere in Tokyo. Please promptly inform the chief of why I will not be at work for the foreseeable future and then request a police investigation on my behalf, thank you.

The futility of such desires threatens to swallow Teru whole. Save me. Help me. I want to go home. God…

Rather foolishly, Teru steals a glance at the man across the room.

Misa! Takada! Mikami, what are you doing? Hury up and write down their names!! Teru’s throat constricts with sudden outrage. You can’t save me, you couldn’t even save yourself. You’re not god. This is all your fault.

“Mikami.”

Immediately Teru gets to his feet, fists balled. He has half a mind to correct the man speaking to him, but feeling too tired to bother with a pointless argument, resigns himself to leading by example.

“Yagami-san.”

Teru’s palms are coated with a thin film of sweat. He wouldn’t have dared call a true god by name without permission, but he does so now. And we both know why. Truthfully, he’s a little proud of his defiance, but the sentiment is undercut by the fact that Yagami doesn’t have the decency to acknowledge the disrespect as a proper insult.

“I’ve evaluated the situation and I’ve determined that the only way that everything makes sense is to assume that your name was written in the note.”

When it’s clear that the remark was meant to provoke a reaction other than ’you can’t be so dim as to miss the fact that I’m alive’ Teru replies with dry contempt. “I see.” Say something useful, damn you.

Yagami sits up slowly, gingerly moving one leg over the side of his cot after another His discomfort is obvious, but Teru can’t help but feel he thoroughly deserves it.

“Sit.”

It’s unquestionably an order, and one that Yagami clearly expects compliance with. Teru isn’t a man who is contrary for the sake of being contrary, but this… He opens his mouth to fire a retort.

“Or stand if you prefer. It makes no difference to me,” Yagami finishes with an audible shrug.

Teru narrows his eyes. “I’ll do that without your permission, thank you,” he says coolly. Strained civility isn’t particularly satisfying, but he can’t seem to marshal his thoughts without it.

Yagami raises an eyebrow incredulously, and Teru’s fists tighten.

“As you wish. But as it appears that we’ll be imprisoned together for now, don’t you think hostility is wasted energy? I’d rather not provide our captors with entertainment.”

On some level Teru sees a grain of truth in this, but that only makes Yagami all the more despicable. “You presume to lecture about dignity.” The vindication he gets when Yagami narrows his eyes is exhilarating enough that he’s able to sit down without feeling servile.

“No,” he says after a drawn out pause. “I was talking about a theory. You insisted on a more frivolous subject.”

Teru exhales forcefully as though punched in the gut. He’d never been one for laughter before, but with his face pressed into the rubble of the world as he’d always known it, all that’s left is unorganized, petrifying chaos with Yagami Light’s face.

“What could possibly be more frivolous than theories that don’t have meaning? Will that theory undo the irreparable damage you’ve done?”

Yagami’s jaw tightens, as they lock eyes. “Trusting you to understand a set of simple instructions was foolish.” A beat. “It must be convenient to simply forget your own oversight.”

Teru purses his lips, thoroughly disgusted that moments ago, he’d stretched the limits of his imagination to rebrand this man as a person who might be in a similar situation to himself.

“Assuming your knowledge of the powers of this ‘death note’ is complete and accurate, how would you know that your name wasn’t also written?”

The question doesn’t seem to faze Yagami. His tone is the most confident it has been all conversation. The SPK had taken his tie, as a “necessary precaution" but Teru is no longer sure who that was meant to protect.

“Because writing my name in the note to force a confession would’ve been meaningless. You were merely a means to an end. You were the person I was relying on. Turning you against me would’ve been strategically optimal, though impossible given your beliefs. But you gave them an opening by killing Takada on your own. You led the SPK to the note by going to the bank and they’ve been controlling your actions ever since.”

An icy silence. Going from having too many words to know what to say to having none at all seems to rip open a vacuum. Teru doesn’t fully understand how the poison coming out of Yagami’s lips could possibly be true, but he stares with magnetized revulsion. The continued insistence on an alternate reality that makes just a little too much sense to safely dismiss offhand numbs him from head to toe. If he’d been chosen by Kira, there’s no question that he would have dutifully and delightedly carried out god’s will. I wanted to be seen by Kira. I didn’t want this.

Somewhat anticlimactically, it’s Teru’s stomach that ends the standstill with a squelch of displeasure. “You have no proof.”

“Should you die within the next twenty-one days, that’ll be sufficient proof. The note can only control a person’s actions for twenty three days.”

Now fully aware that Yagami is actively waiting for him to drop dead, Teru turns his back on the despicable boy who might have been god.

“I used to dream about walking by your side. They were nice dreams then.”

#mikalight #Teru Mikami #Light Yagami #casuistor #mklt #death note #Light's Birthday Extravaganza 2017 #ratings: general #fanfic #submission

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thistimetomorrownovel · 8 years ago

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quietroots · 8 years ago

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Reflecting

What was the best way you used your time this past year? Hauling rocks and dirt around the yard. The garden was pretty magnificent this year. I put lots of infrastructure in place, raised beds, leaf mulched the pathways, planted some perennials that should fill out nicely. I grew the best green bean teepee, better than I hoped for. I like that it’ll never be a finished project. Always more things to add, and plant, and harvest, and change.

What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year? I struggled with wasting time in the online realm. So much unthinking consumption, so easy to do. In the summer, on my days away from work, I would sometimes spend hours scrolling through various feeds, rechecking email accounts... In November I let go of my Facebook account, which gave me some respite. Actively trying to use it as a tool for inspiration, and sharing my life, not as something to spend hours refreshing to see if anything new is happening in the constant goal. Sometimes I fall short of that.

What would you try if you knew you could not fail? The idea of having some land, a small flower farm, and maybe a flower of the month club, with a ceramic partnership to make seasonal vases and floral arrangements is so appealing. Last summer I made several small arrangements from backyard flowers and foliage and gifted them to friends, but to do so on a larger scale, or to learn more about flower arranging and ceramic work is daunting. What is a skill you would like to focus on learning? I would love to get to know (and master?) my sewing machine. I have a Singer Curvy, and it is very mechanized. The thread tension has been hit or miss. I would love to be able to make my own dresses and summer pants as it gets warmer this year. There are some excellent looking patterns out there (everything in the 100 Acts of Sewing collection!) that I want to try. What was an unexpected joy this past year? Watching my sister put so much effort into her community garden plot, and seeing it thrive under her care. Best new gardener award goes to Julia, easily! All of the tomatoes (grown from seed!), and radishes and beets for you.

What was an unexpected obstacle? Grieving the unexpected death of my mother, who I wasn’t very close to, and thought there would be time for that to change. This was the first time I've lost someone. Also, learning to unschedule my time, and leave space. Turning down offers to take on more. Our culture puts a high value on staying busy. It’s a tough mentality to let go of, that if you aren’t filling your schedule with classes or volunteer time, or other plans, then you are wasting it. I don’t feel good living that way. What were the best books you read this year? Spirit and Place, by Christopher Day Negotiating with the Dead : A Writer on Writing, by Margaret Atwood A Sense of Place : An Eastern Oregon Anthology, by LEO (Libraries of Eastern Oregon) Fool on the Hill, by Matt Ruff A Tale for the Time-Being, by Ruth Ozeki Any Ursula K. Le Guin books I could get my hands on

Who were your most valuable relationships with? My family! I am greedy for more time spent with my sister, who lives several hours away and has a full life of her own, and my dad, who lives thousands of miles away. Also my boyfriend/roommate/coworker (trifecta!) Brian, who has been a part of my life for a couple years now, and is a neat person to be around. Finally, my circle of coworkers is the most solid I’ve ever had, many of whom I spend time with outside of work, and all of whom I enjoy seeing on a regular basis. What brings you the most joy and how are you going to have more of that? Striking the right balance between time spent at home with my Brians and in my garden, and time spent socializing with folks who I love. Perhaps structuring more time with friends into my life, more weekly coffee dates and craft meet ups. I’m so reluctant to do things away from my home in the evenings, but more time spent reaching out to folks for morning and afternoon hang outs would be excellent. And spending time in my yard, working in the garden, as well as making my space in the loft just how I like it, and cooking meals in the kitchen fills me with joy. What is one change you could make to your lifestyle that would give you more peace? Shifting away from buying cheaply made, inexpensive goods, at great cost to the environment and folks’ lives, and beginning to choose to buy things that support individual makers and artists. Especially food and clothing, but not limited to those categories. Along with this, getting rid of the things I’ve been carrying around for years that I don’t look to anymore. How would you like to positively influence the life of a child this year? Be an excellent role model to Brian’s nieces. Send them letters, ask them questions, support them. Keep in touch.

What’s one thing that you could do to give yourself more peace financially? Be timely with keeping the status of my student loans updated and accurate. Pay them when I can, defer them when I can’t, and be ok with that. Start squirreling more money into my savings and stop spending it so freely on little unnecessary things that add up. Be more aware of my purchasing habits. Do some little jobs on the side and save that money.

What exercise will you like to try this year? Is this the year that I begin regularly stretching? Probably! I can feel my body beginning to take longer to recover after hard physical activity.

What types of food will you like to incorporate more in your diet? More fresh fruit and vegetables! I am a hot foods person. I don’t naturally gravitate towards salads, or cold fermented foods (I’m looking at you, kimchi & sauerkraut). My diet is mostly beans and grains and roasted vegetables. There is definite room for improvement. What body part needs more attention and loving care? My hands. These poor nails are always bitten too short (a nervous habit that I enjoy), I nicked the tip of my thumb with a sharp knife while cutting onions, and the hard skin of a garlic clove stabbed that same thumb where it bends. My feet could use some love as well. What will you be willing to try outside your comfort zone to increase your health? This year is the year that I’ll sit a Vipassana meditation course. What music or art class would you consider taking this year? The Craft Center at the University of Oregon offers beginners ceramics classes, so I signed up for one that runs just over a month. I want to make things for the household, and the garden, and for gifting. How would you like your style to be different this year? Eugene is kind to folks who embrace how they want to look. I want less man-made materials and mass produced clothing. Ideally I would spend more time thrifting natural fiber clothes, and dyeing them, as well as learning to sew my own. Where would you like to go on vacation this year? This March, Brian’s parents are coming out, and we’re all trekking up to Washington to visit the Olympic National Park rainforests. Late June and into July, Brian and I are spending a week or so camping with his family somewhere in the middle of Oregon, near Bend. How would you like to grow emotionally this year? Less bursting into tears (of rage, despair, or embarrassment), more thoughtful, straightforward articulation of how I feel and what I want.

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wellpurorganics-blog · 4 years ago

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Consuming Organic - Why and also How to Beginning

Why Eat Organic? The question should be, why not? I have actually been eating health food for concerning three years currently though I do rip off from time to time. I picked to change after reviewing two books. The initial was by Kevin Trudeau and also the second by Jordan Rubin. A lot of you have seen Trudeau on tv promoting his books and also might see him merely as a businessperson trying to make money. There are several doubters that think that his Natural Remedies publication is a sham. I'm not going to exist when I state that I was somewhat aggravated that guide was even more of a referral tool. The book itself made me wish to eat healthier yet it described Net sites and also other books to respond to a number of my questions. I was discouraged when I went to Trudeau's site to locate that I would require to end up being a member to obtain even more details. I make certain this is an excellent system for Trudeau to make millions as well as this might make him seem unstable, and also, he absolutely does not have a background in health care. Something I can state concerning Trudeau is that the concept of eating healthy and balanced as well as remaining healthy merely by eating an organic version of all the food I consume currently definitely triggered my rate of interest. I was likewise pleased with the truth that he wasn't afraid to inform the public why the government benefits from supplying us garbage food like McDonald's and Burger King. I was certainly persuaded that eating natural was the method to go when I read Jordan Rubin's story. He was diagnosed with Crohn's Condition and also cured himself after several not successful bouts of healthcare facility gos to in and also out of the U.S.

I chose to put what I found out to good usage and also started shopping at the community "health food store". I went down those added pounds like nothing once I switched over to health food, mind you; this desired several months of diet attempts. There were times when I would certainly simply have salads only as well as the weight simply seemed difficult to get rid of! What I really did not understand when I was gobbling down my salads is the fact that I was likewise swallowing down pesticides.

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Lots of individuals understand that there are pesticides located in much of the fruit and vegetables at the food store however we don't read about any individual getting sick or dying from it, so we consume it. What some people do not know (like myself at the time) is that when you consume foods like these, the toxins in your tummy start to build up and prevent your body from releasing waste, subsequently making us acquire unneeded weight. I was beginning to cleanse my body as well as began to really feel far better than ever. I was happy that I went to my typical weight again and also I saw that as soon as this weight was attained, I quit losing. I can maintain my weight also when I splurge on natural delicious chocolate or other treats since they're not stuffed with chemicals.

I tried to persuade people to obtain onboard the organic wagon often times and also was slightly not successful. I remain to attempt to persuade my mommy yet it isn't taking. There is a huge false impression around that organic food is like rabbit food yet this is entirely incorrect! I get on my method to persuading my best friend, but her partner is not interested and also dinnertime can be a challenge when you require to make 2 separate meals. It can occasionally be difficult as a guest at a person's home when they see that you are eating very little food. Some might pick to satirize you just due to the fact that they don't understand. For example I have actually gone to events where a friend or family member will state something like, "We made this food for the celebration, but you can't eat it since only consume organic". Often I seem like a rebel when all I have actually been doing is making healthy and balanced food choices for my family members and also myself. I have actually officially determined to just maintain it to myself generally, yet no one can stop me from sharing my discovery with a basic target market. I don't plan to preach to anyone concerning what they need to or shouldn't do since I have been understood to stray occasionally. My factor is to allow you understand that you can look and feel excellent by just changing to organic food and also I want to spread the word due to the fact that the distinctions I've seen in myself are so amazing I wish that everyone can have the exact same experience.

I am no more "lactose intolerant". I couldn't even look at an item of cheese or glass of milk 3 years back without getting ill as well as wasn't thinking about taking over-priced Lactaid pills each day to enjoy the foods I love. I essentially quit consuming cheese as well as drinking milk- not a great idea. These stomachaches did not simply occur when I took in these items. I was an instructor working with kids of unique requirements and also was under a decent amount of tension so I connected this as the factor for having an indigestion every day. It would certainly begin right after lunch as well as would last for at the very least a half hr, otherwise, for the entire afternoon. I would have an upset stomach when taking a trip since I was paranoid that my day-to-day belly would certainly come back and I would certainly be entraped in the car or perhaps worse- public transport. The stomachaches got worse as well as I skipped many meals simply to avoid being sick for the remainder of the day. Little did I realize all I had to do is consume food that had not been toxic as well as consume more of it!

CBD for Anxiety

Despite the fact that I still looked decent, I observed that specific things simply weren't the very same. My nails were thin and also fragile. My chin was continuously bursting out. My hair started to slim and also my doctor tested me for malnutrition. The doctor claimed I require to eat more and also take Lactaid and also she fluffed me off with a bag loaded with example packages of fiber and calcium supplements and also sent me on my method. Reflecting currently, I discover it a little funny that the supplements included propylene glycol, an agent utilized to clean antifreeze off the floors of garages.

After numerous stomachaches, brand-new diet regimens and also much research study, I finally changed to raw organic cheese and also fresh raw milk located at a farm in Massachusetts as well as my lactose problem mored than. Raw milk as well as cheese consist of the essential real-time enzymes required to aid our belly damage down lactose and also absorb less complicated. Pasteurization and also homogenization destroy these real-time enzymes together with a lot of the vitamins. Why consume milk as well as consume cheese when they practically have no benefit to your health and wellness because they've been removed of every little thing that makes them excellent in the first place? As well as, clean it down with some Lactaid and also water along with a few undesirable chemicals I make sure? My nails and skin became much healthier as an outcome of drinking raw milk and I can now take pleasure in both milk and also cheese without the painful pain that would typically comply with.

Lots of people think that raw milk threatens. I did a lot of research study before determining to drink it as well as much more research study prior to I gave it to my little girl. It is risk-free when you purchase the raw milk from a local ranch that is certified organic due to the fact that the milk is constantly evaluated for germs counts and also the ranch gets numerous unscheduled gos to for arbitrary testing. The ranch is not permitted to sell the milk if the microorganisms count is above a particular degree as well as will certainly shed their license up until it fulfills the proper standards. The cows are fed hay and also alfalfa throughout the winter as well as stroll freely with the pastures. They are anxiety complimentary and are not required to consume corn that takes a toll on their system- despite having 4 bellies!

Raw milk as well as cheese combined with health food has actually transformed my wellness right. I also consume Goji berry juice for prolonged health benefits in addition to Noni juice from time to time. They each expense regarding $35.99 per container so I consume them when I can and alternate in between the two simply to keep my spending plan. Mentioning budgeting, you're most likely wondering just how in the world I take care of healthy and balanced eating with the economy the way it is while practically living income to income. Most importantly, I confessed to myself that I would possibly need to make a couple of sacrifices here and there to free up part of my allocate a lot more pricey food. What I recognized down the road is that I was in fact spending around the very same amount of money, a little a lot more now and then. Why? Due to the fact that when you eat natural, you consume much less since the food in fact makes you full. I made it my part-time job to go to as lots of shops in my location as feasible to take a tally of what foods and drinks they lug and contrasted the costs. I discovered which stores carry the foods I consume often and which shops I would certainly visit on occasion for products like Goji and also Noni juice. Even though it didn't take as much of a toll on my pocketbook as I anticipated, all of us still require to cut corners and also discover the most effective plan on our hard-earned money.

Consuming organic and also conserving cash can go together if you do it right as well as make it crucial enough to devote time to every week. I may not have a fail-safe technique, however, for now, I shop at a wide variety of stores at various times relying on what I want to buy. I have formally released myself from the over-priced community "natural food store". It was hassle-free to get every little thing I need in one area, however it was costing me an arm and a leg. I might shop at one or 4 of these shops on the weekend break: Trader Joe's, Rate Chopper, Stop & Store, Market Basket, a local fish market, a little nutrition store in the next community and a local co-op. I stopped shopping at Shaw's as soon as I bought my third product of run out organic food. The only thing I travel for is my raw natural milk as well as it's worth every mile for milk that tastes similar to thinned vanilla gelato!

I'm mosting likely to leave you with a checklist of some of the things I purchase, from where, as well as an idea of what each price so you can see that it is feasible to eat healthy on a spending plan- as long as you don't mind doing a little additional job as well as of course a little cooking! Keep this in mind when you are the one attempting to encourage somebody to switch over to natural and they believe it's ludicrous. Provide this instance, If you went to work and also you had a headache that was making you sick but had no medication as well as your colleague supplied you a brand-new over the counter pain reliever as well as told you it functions far better than any type of other, would you question them, or would you say thank you and also take the tablet? Why would not you question a chemical that will enter your body yet you will examine why you should consume pure food?

Here's my list:

Regional Fish Market, "Mekong":.

Haddock (Not farm-raised!) $4.99/ lb.

Salmon (Not farm-raised!) $5.99/ pound.

Supermarket are running out of fresh fish and are looking to undesirable farm-raised fish, and also fresh wild-caught fish from your regional fish market is more affordable!

Local Food Co-Op: (This store is about 12' by 12'. It is a little prize that I would certainly never ever learn about without doing research online. Every little thing noted right here is natural. This is wonderful for people who have extremely little cash to spend due to the fact that you can offer your time as well as work there to receive price cuts on your acquisitions! A lot of items are in containers so you bring your very own bags and also consider them.):.

Black beans.

Kidney Beans.

Pinto Beans.

( Primarily, any kind of beans).

Split Peas (All natural legumes range from $.99 -1.75/ lb.).

Rolled Oats about $1.00/ lb.

Hazelnut delicious chocolate bar I can't locate anywhere else! $3.99.

Celtic sea salt about $1.50 will fill up a saltshaker (This is a huge cost savings!).

The Nutrition Resource: (This is an additional little prize that I uncovered in the town following door as well as they are really similar to the most prominent nourishment store in the city at about half the price. They also throw in cost-free samples when they obtain new items. This is priceless- essentially. You must locate a store like this.).

I acquire my natural legumes, oatmeal and also sea salt right here when I do not go to the co-op because they are close to the same cost but have a smaller sized option with pre-made bags.

Raw organic honey tiny container $4.99.

Organic spinach pasta regarding $2.49 per box.

Organic raisins concerning $1.50/ pound.

Goji berry juice 1 liter usually $35.99 however has actually been on sale at $26.99 for months (This never happens anywhere else.).

Noni juice 1 liter regarding $36.99 per container (The Goji and also Noni will last 2-4 weeks).

Organic coconut oil regarding $11.99 for a jar that will last 1 month.

All-natural hair gel about $9.99 for a container that lasts my spouse 1 month.

Jason's all-natural bleaching toothpaste about $5.99.

I need to be careful in this little shop because I can quickly drop $100.00 merely due to the offers and also fun brand-new products. Don't fail to remember stay concentrated when buying!

Misty Creek Ranch: (This one's the doozie. This is where I do not reduce edges and also spend the most amount of cash on a consistent basis. I travel 45 mins away to this nearby farm to purchase my scrumptious raw organic milk. The farm offers a meat in addition to a restricted variety of products according to season however every one is 100% fresh and many are organic.).

One 1/2 Gallon raw natural milk in the canning container (Practically right from the cow!) $4.50 plus deposit (I normally get 4 however it's never sufficient. Find out more concerning the advantages of raw "natural" milk and believe me whatever good you review holds true.).

Organic Potatoes $2.99/ pound. Straight from the ground!

Organic free array poultry and also duck eggs $5.00/ lots.

Meat is really costly but scrumptious and also the cleanest meat out there.

Trader Joe's: (This location is complicated because really few of the products that read organic are 80% organic or much more. They can just be 50% or more and this leaves room for 1/2 of the product to contain junk.):.

Stoneyfield Ranch Yogurt big container is $1.00 cheaper than at the food store.

Organic Bananas 3/$ 1.00.

Organic apples $4.99/ 5 pound. Bag.

Organic oranges $5.99/ 5lb. bag.

Hummus about $1.00 less costly than the grocery store.

Organic russet/red potatoes $4.99/ bag.

Organic grain $1.00-2.00 cheaper than food store.

Organic pasta sauce $1.00 cheaper than food store.

Eggs $4.99/ lots (Average price yet much better "food store" eggs).

Organic Fruit strips for treats $.49 ea.

Natural oatmeal/almond soap- significant bar $2.99.

Idea: Don't buy the bread because it is very dry.

Right here's the very easy component:.

I shop at the food store for virtually every little thing else since it is practical. You really have to take care not to stray when you go to the grocery store as well as you intend to make sure that you're not buying something that is "natural" since it suggests absolutely nothing. I usually acquire products that usually have a lengthy life span from the grocery store. Products that need to be fresh like fish, eggs as well as milk need to be purchased elsewhere.

Study online as well as look up organic food to locate shops local to you. Do some window-shopping for the things you buy one of the most and find the best locations to go shopping to stockpile on needs. Get excellent recipes on line as well. Absolutely take a look at Jordan Rubin's website and also his books to have an understanding of how much you can alter your life by eating health food. Read about the benefits of natural coconut oil, Goji and Noni juice as well as raw milk.

You will certainly realize that there is very little you need to transform. You'll more than likely simply be buying a healthier version of the foods you already consume as well as may uncover a few brand-new things that you like. If you look hard enough, you'll discover that there is and also natural version of virtually every little thing out there. Making the switch can be as simple as starting to acquire just organic foods at your food store until you obtain the urge to check out much more. Delight in!

#cbd for sleep #CBD for Anxiety

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vincentbuckles · 6 years ago

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Weekend reading: I shopped til I dropped

What caught my eye this week.

I would have had this post to you much earlier on Friday, but for consumerism. You see I got totally distracted trying to get the best out of my new Sage Barista Express:

Real life: Messy.

Having done a barista training course a few years ago, I improbably fancied myself as pretty hot stuff with a coffee grinder.

I’ve enjoyed flat whites knocked out by a friend on this well-reviewed model many times, too.

But it turns out I didn’t know my friend as well as I thought I did!

I’ve discovered he’s great at making coffee – but perhaps more shockingly that he’s modest about it. (What other talents does he boast, I now wonder? Or rather does he not boast?)

Seriously, I know it takes a while to get the hang of DIY espressos on new kit, so I’m not too perturbed. It’s only eaten a couple of hours so far, and that includes washing the bits and bobs, figuring out how it fitted together, and collecting beans I spilled on the floor.

No, the other reason why I fell behind was because as soon this new toy finally arrived from Amazon, I went out for a three-hour hike around West London.

Did you sign for it, sir?

You see I’ve been in all week waiting for deliveries – and it drives me crazy.

I’m on edge all-day, until the deliveries do (or don’t) arrive.

A laid-back friend who doesn’t understand my hair-trigger control freak personality asked me what the big deal was.

“Imagine waiting all day to be slapped in the face,” I said. “You don’t know when it’s coming, but you will be slapped in the face. That’s me waiting for the door buzzer.”

It’s not even that I can’t do the social interaction bit. It’s worse: I usually talk the delivery person’s ear off. (A common failing among those of us who work from home.)

Rather it’s the waiting and uncertainty that kills me – and the unexpected and unscheduled state change.

Years before the Millennials I kept my mobile on silent always, for the same reason.

A totally unexpected phone call to my mobile feels like being tapped on the shoulder by a suddenly apparating supernatural nosy neighbour. I hate it.

Now at this point you’re either nodding along (a very few of you) or you’re aghast with incomprehension. Which is fine.

(I’ve said before when explaining why I invest actively and nearly everyone reading shouldn’t that I’m wired differently. I didn’t say it was easy!)

Economy class

Anyway, the reason I’m sharing these asides – and the rare from real-life picture above – is to give a quick update on my embrace of consumerism.

The story so far: You’ll remember I bought a flat, I still haven’t written up why, and I set about spending some of my 20-odd years of winnings (well, savings and winnings) to make it fancy.

This got off to a good start. I’ve always loved nice furnishings and so on – from afar. But by the middle of the hot summer I was bored of spending money.

I’d lost enthusiasm, I’d lost my girlfriend (she said she didn’t like my sudden interiors obsession, but perhaps she just didn’t like the sofa I finally selected?), and I’d lost (/spent) more money traded for matter than I’d spent on things in the previous two decades combined.

I didn’t even go crazy! It’s just that living like a graduate student even as your earnings multiply is pretty low-rent.

For most of that long era I used to opine to my more normally spendy friends that buying stuff only produced problems. Which in my experience was almost always true.

Stuff didn’t work, or you had to upgrade something else, or it broke, or you felt guilty, or you had to wait in for days to get it delivered, or you were worried it’d get nicked when finally you did get hold of it – or any one of a dozen other woes that people who buy stuff all the time think is just the way the world is.

Only two things hit the spot for me without fail when I splashed the cash. Black cabs – which I almost never took, and felt so luxurious in those pre-Uber days – and the first beer with two poppadoms and all the sauces and other gubbins.

Obviously I did a gazillion other things over the decades. I didn’t just taxi around London from curry house to curry house! And often it was money well spent.

But never reliably so.

Well, this whole flat buying and furnishing thing has proven my younger self right.

Through the keyhole

Don’t get me wrong. It’s coming along. It looks beautiful, to me if not my ex. I feel lucky to live among all these things I chose in my still-new flat, even knowing luck is only part of it.

But, oh! I guess I secretly thought the universe would notice The Investor Is Finally Throwing Money At The Problem and the rules would change. But they haven’t.

Stuff comes broken. Trades people don’t show up. Some of them are great, but some are – well – yet to find their true calling. Deliveries don’t arrive. I made a final push to finish my flat before Christmas, and caned the Black Friday offers. But only three of the seven resultant purchases that were scheduled for delivery have actually made it here so far. A new record of rubbishness.

Coffee machines are harder to use than you expected. Analine leather sofas stain if you sneeze near them. Complete automatic watering systems require add-ons to water completely. Your boiler is already up for a service – and that’ll be £100+ with VAT please.

I feel sometimes like Robinson Crusoe, finally back on the mainland after a long sabbatical away catching fresh fish with his hands and brushing his teeth with a fragrant root. I can confirm 2018 has a lot of gorgeous stuff on offer – but as we all know it comes at a price and doesn’t really solve anything.

Still happy I did it, but pleased I’m mostly buying things that will last.

Once I’m done the hedonic treadmill is going back into storage!

Note: Yes, it’s an expensive coffee machine (though one of the cheaper good ones). I’ve always liked a few quality things in life, I’ve just tended to get them cheaply. I saved about half my income for 20 years, so while the Frugal Police are welcome to give me a caution, keep in mind that I wrote the (racier) pages of the book you’re throwing at me. And beware Buffett’s Folly…

From Monevator

From the archive-ator: Death, infirmity, and investing – Monevator

News

Note: Some links are Google search results – in PC/desktop view you can click to read the piece without being a paid subscriber. Try privacy/incognito mode to avoid cookies. Consider subscribing if you read them a lot!1

Here’s how much fund managers are paid [to lose to the market] – Institutional Investor

Houses prices down on fundamentals not Brexit, research suggests – ThisIsMoney

Property slump could cut number of affordable homes built by 25% – Guardian

UK migration: Fewer EU arrivals, but overall figure stays the same – BBC

Do you live in one of the happiest places in the UK? – ThisIsMoney

The inheritance tax mess, where richest pay a lower percentage rate – Simon Lambert

Products and services

UK rail fares to rise 3.1% in January – Guardian

Shawbrook tops table with a 1.65% one-year cash ISA rate – ThisIsMoney

Ratesetter will pay you £100 [and me a bonus] if you invest £1,000 for a year – Ratesetter

New breed of elite dating apps for wealthy singletons [Search result] – FT

Comment and opinion

How to own all tomorrow’s winning stocks – The Evidence-based Investor

John Bogle needn’t worry about index fund dominance – Pragmatic Capitalism

The proliferation of indices isn’t all it appears – Abnormal Returns

In praise of old jobs – Young (Mrs) FIGuy

Spend more: The most ignored piece of financial advice [Search result] – FT

How to retire forever on a big stash [US taxes/insurance] – Mr Money Mustache

FIRE Day! – Retirement Investing Today

You would not have invested with Warren Buffett – Behavioural Value Investor

Anti-FIRE: The YOLO train wreck edition – Simple Living in Somerset

Juggling six-figure margin debt [Don’t try this at home!] – Fire V London

The top 20 personal finance questions answered – Guardian

Morningstar gets into the finance-meets-food-pyramid game – Morningstar

Five things parenting and (active) investing share – The Value Perspective

What can we do about over-confidence? – Behavioural Investor

An attempt at estimating the true ‘global market portfolio’, including all the unlisted assets in the world [Research] – Alpha Architect

Brexit

Government finally admits UK will be worse off under all Brexits – New York Times

Leave voters statistically much likelier to believe conspiracy theories – Guardian

A Daily Mail EU scare story debunked [Again, people believe this crap] – Tom Pride

The French village that fears for its British community – BBC

Romania has lost 16% of its population to rest of EU in a decade – MSW via Twitter

Brexit TV Debate: A former Remainer will argue for her Brexit deal, a closet Leaver for a better deal or Remain. What a time to be alive! – BBC

I’d like to Exit from these homegrown cretins. Where do I vote? – BBC

Kindle book bargains

Why You? 101 Interview Questions You’ll Never Fear Again by James Reed – £1.99 on Kindle

Thank You for Being Late: An Optimist’s Guide to Thriving in the Age of Accelerations by Thomas L. Friedman – £1.99 on Kindle

The Spider Network: The Wild Story of a Maths Genius and One of the Greatest Scams in Financial History by David Enrich – £1.99 on Kindle

Tiny Budget Cooking: Saving Money Never Tasted So Good by Limahl Asmall – £1.09 on Kindle

Off our beat

Internet: The end of the beginning [Video/Presentation] – Benedict Evans

Watch how just a few self-driving cars prevent traffic jams [Graphics] – Science

Nike and Boeing are paying sci-fi writers to predict their futures – Medium

Woman who names daughter ‘Abcde’ is upset when someone finds it funny – ABC News

A man actually ticked the US Visa form ‘Are You A Terrorist?’ box – via Twitter

Maps showing how we’re divided by more than Brexit [Funny, old-ish] – Ink Tank

And finally…

“Why should we look to the past in order to prepare for the future? Because there is nowhere else to look.” – James Burke, Connections

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Weekend reading: I shopped til I dropped published first on https://justinbetreviews.weebly.com/

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