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venuzasmuse · 5 months ago

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𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄, 𝐞. 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬

— the holidays are meant to be festive, free of heartache and solemnity, but odds are forever not in your favor as you spend the holidays with your best friend alongside her sister, that broke your heart.

[rockstar!ellie au, best friend’s sister!ellie, kinda mean!ellie (for a few parts of the story)]

previous, next

warnings: reader is afab, not proofread, mature language, mentions of substance abuse (drugs), ellies a dick in this chapter srry guys, WHOLE LOTTA ANGST. smut & fluff in later chapters. POC FRIENDLY !!

this chapters kinda long because it’s still introducing the reader & ellie’s relationship dynamic so bare with me pls pls pls

upon arriving in texas, a wave of nostalgia washes over you as you peered over the horizons of the buzzing city streets.

the traffic was still— as long as you could remember— terrible. pedestrians raided the roads as if they had enough lives for the people on it and tenfold. you can recount the amount of days you'd be late for school because your brother, simon, took obnoxiously long in the bathroom. you could almost still smell his putrid sauvage cologne from here. the strong scent filling your senses— your head spun nauseatingly so.

you grapple with the map in your hand, flipping it every which way trying to give yourself a sense of reassurance as you and sarah navigated through the intersections. you loved your best friend but you couldn't sugarcoat the fact that her love for detours affected her driving skills poorly.

she'd listen to her gps for the first few hours and eventually get fed up with the alterations that emitted from the older device, completely tossing the given routes out of the window and using her intuition as a sense of direction instead.

"jesus, has texas always been this confusing?" the blonde exasperated, a heavy hand coming down to the steering wheel as a blare emitted from the vehicle.

you shoot her a glare that goes unnoticed and the car jerks as she overpasses the poor old lady in front of her.

"does it hurt you to have any patience?" you groan out. you slump in your seat and throw your head back against the headrest tiredly.

"patience never did anyone any good before." she declares sheepishly, a playful smile spreading across her pretty face.

your head lolls to the side to face the side of her head and you give her a playful eye roll.

"i swear to God, if we ever get caught in a drive by, i'd never let you live it down. even in hell."

she laughs a throaty laugh. sarah grabs your hand giving it a squeeze and shake, her demeanor excited.

"come on! don't be so grim. aren't you excited to be going back home? i mean it's been years." she switches to another lane, eyes trained on the rear view. "my dad is super excited to have you back. he said you're welcome as long as you need to be."

"that's only because we never gave him a choice before." you prompt. the two of you giggle.

"you know what i mean. i'm so hungry— maybe we can hit up mel's diner when we get there. i'd kill for their cheeseburgers right now."

you glance at the gps. "2 1/2 hours left" before y'all were to reach your destination. you groan, pulling your hat down to shield your face away from the blaring sun beaming down on your skin.

you'd be lying if you said that you had gotten any shut eye the night before. too plagued with overthinking, the dead of the night was filled with the sound of tossing and turning as you fought against yourself at an amateur attempt to soothe your own nerves.

trepidation dripped down your soul. you weren't sure how finally seeing ellie again for the first time would enfold. you had a plan to simply just avoid her but you knew you probably weren't going to keep up with that very long.

ellie was persistent and if she had any plan to resolve things, it wouldn't go unnoticed by a long shot. no matter how hard you tried to steer clear of it.

sarah knew about the reason why the two of you broke up. she was sympathetic enough to take your feelings about seeing her sister again after 2 and half dreadful years.

she witnessed first hand the aftermath of what ellie did to you. a brutal 9 nine months of you trying to build yourself high enough on a pedestal to be able to move on completely. she listened to you every step of the way, her ears open and her arms empathetic with every tear shed.

it was even worse when the media coverage began getting ahold of their band. 7 months after you and ellie had stopped talking completely due to your nasty breakup, her band rose to stardom and you could still remember how much dread washed over you to hear the sound of her playing on the radio for the first time.

you avoided her, in every way you could. if that meant no music for months until the hype of her album died down even just a little bit, then so be it.

but the limelight wasn't always as glamorous. you alongside of her family, despite not having heard from her in years, knew about how she'd been living because once the tabloids got a hold of her, the only thing plaguing the media coverage was about ellie.

who she was spotted with, newly sparked dating rumors as she was seen with a different girl nearly every month, and even the downfall of her newly acquired fame.

in pure janis joplin fashion, the height of her success came crashing down as people started suspecting ellie to be abusing drugs. it started when people began to notice how blasted she was in a few interviews. her nodding off didn't go unnoticed by a long shot.

in the spotlight, instances like this weren't uncommon.

you watch a talented person rise to the top, their talent evident as day as they showed it off to the word come plummeting down in a wave of wasted potential due to drugs and or alcohol. it was tragic and despite being as angry as you were with her, seeing the girl you grew up with live the way she was, created a moggy feeling in your chest.

eventually, the band made an announcement that their tour would've had to gone on a break due to "complications" but you and everyone else knew it was because ellie was in rehab.

as soon as she was discharged, the ongoing scarcity of contact between her and her family came to a brusque halt when joel offered for his daughter to come back home, at least until she was ready enough to face her new life again.

so when you found out that she'd be spending christmas with y'all, there was no doubt in your mind you'd have to brace yourself for whatever outcome would emerge from it.

"i'm gonna try and get some sleep. we still have a long way to go."

sarah boos at your resignation, exclaiming a few declarations about how you're leaving her to die of boredom. "you suck!"

you don't respond, simply smiling and turning your head as you're inevitably wisked away into a state of slumber.

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

a somber tune draws out a melancholic melody on your record player, filling the corners of your cavernous room. the night breathes life through a soft breeze that grazes past your curtains. yet, as the sun sets and the cicadas begin to shriek, no amount of words in the english language can drown out the bitterness that sits in the pit of your chest.

no amount of rephrasing could rewrite the sorrow that consumes you whole, in this moment or the next.

you sit with the grief as your gaze lingers on the girl in front of you. ellie sits on the edge of your bed. she's faced away from you, as always, as she stares ahead at the neon lights that seep through the crevices of your room.

clouds of smoke forms around her figure with practiced cinematic effort and your eyes take her in with taut admiration.

you usually dread when the room grows quiet like this. the silence is blinding and tension is permeated in your walls. it leaves you high and dry and guts you with cynicism.

you wait for the moment for her to slip back into bed with you but it never comes. the thought of not being the placeholder of such intimacy rings in your ears like a bad case of tinnitus.

at least not this time around.

you sit up crawling towards her in desperate attempt to get her to look at you. you wrap your arms around her neck, resting your chin on her bare shoulder. empty viridescent eyes scan your face yet you can't seem to deconstruct any love tucked away behind them.

you knew deep down that what once existed fondly between the two of you was stripped away, little to nothing— a scarce void of recognition.

“what’s going on?” you hum out lovingly, as you press a prolonged kiss to her shoulder. “been quiet all night.”

the auburn headed girl heaved out a sigh as she dropped her head in her hands. she braced herself to face you, taking your wrists in her callused palms as she brought your hands to her mouth, pecking the backs tenderly.

“i.. i think we should talk.” she finally vocalizes. the words shoot fear down your spine, goosebumps arising were her lips once resided.

“about what?”

she gives you a look as she turns her body to face you, straightening her back a little bit more. “so you know how i’ve been getting to practice with the band lately? because their guitarist ended up quitting?”

you watched her for a moment skeptically before nodding.

her words are caught in her throat momentarily as she looks down once more. “well, cat and them asked me to join their band.” a glimmer of gleam passes across her face as she breathes out a breath she was holding.

you furrow your brows, a smile breaking onto your face. “that’s great! i’m so happy for you!” you exclaim, grabbing her chin in between your finger to press a proud kiss onto her cheek.

you knew how long ellie had wanted to be apart of something like this. after years of supporting her, you were filled to the brim with joy that she was finally reaching a steppingstone to where she wanted to be in life.

yet, you could tell something was still bothering her as she tensed up in your embrace. “well, they offered me to join but..”

“but..” you trail, eyes still held with hope.

“cat said she knew someone in los angeles that knew someone that could get us signed to a record label. the only downside is we’d have to move over there.”

your face fell as her words fell on sensitive ears.

“move?” you let out a nervous chuckle. “but.. los angeles is across the country.”

capturing her bottom lip in between her teeth, you watch as she gnaws down on it regrettably.

of course, you were elated for her. over the moon.

hell, you would’ve done anything for ellie to make this happen for her, one way or another. but hearing the catch of finally being able to pursue her dreams had you feeling selfishly opposed to the idea.

surely, she wouldn’t have made such a rash decision without taking it up with you first. ya’ll had so many plans that were already set in stone. all you wanted was at least a heads up if they were going to be altered to accustom to ellie’s new schedule pertaining to her band.

“so, what did you say?” your tone faltering from ecstatic to one that could’ve fell on deaf ears if not attentive enough.

“i said yes. i agreed that i’d go with them.” her word vomit rushes out like a fountain and your hands drop from her face as you turn away from her in shock. she grabs your smaller face in her hands, as she tips her head down to meet your avoidant gaze. you shut your eyes, muttering out a “shit” as you felt the pathetic rush of tears burn at the back of your eyelids.

“baby, i couldn’t pass this up. this is my chance to finally get out of this town. i’ve wanted this for so long.” she pleads, dropping down to her knees in front of you.

“why didn’t you wait to at least talk to me about it, ellie? three months ago, we were just planning on moving in together! and what? now you’re just about to dismiss any say that i had in this?”

she lets out an exasperated sigh of defeat as she bargains with her response.

“this is about my future! this is something i’ve wanted for years!” she encompasses her bottom lip back in between her teeth, scavenging her scattered brain to make this situation better.

“you can come with me! didn’t you always tell me you’d follow me anywhere?”

you scoff, shaking your head. “i can’t just pack up my things and run away to los angeles like this with you. it’s expensive there and with the money we have saved up, we wouldn’t last a year in a place like that with just the two of us. we’d need more time.”

don’t cry. don’t cry. you think to yourself as you feel the waterworks begin to churn.

“we could figure it out! cat mentioned a bunch of-”

you scoff at the mention of the girl’s name as you stood up from your place on the bed, walking over towards your window as you dug your fingers through your unkempt hair.

“i can’t believe you made a decision about this with cat before you even mentioned it to me. i should’ve known it was deeper than that.”

ellie stops in her tracks, an expression of hurt painted across her face at the idea of you believing she had concealed intentions between her and cat. but could you really blame yourself ? it would’ve been hard on any girl to see that her significant other’s time was consumed by another girl. especially with the considerable amount of times they spent alone together.

you would’ve been a fool to not suspect anything at all but your love for ellie ran too deep; you didn’t think you could handle it if you lost her to another girl. so you kept quiet, giving her the benefit of the doubt and begged venus herself for the girl to not prove you right.

“it was never deeper than anything.” her tone was stilled as she stared at you with accusatory.

“can you blame me ellie? i mean seriously. you’ve been alone with her more in these past few months than you’ve even talked to me! some days, i don’t even hear from you at all because you’re with her!” your voice goes up an octave as tears begin to spill from your eyes.

“it’s because of—”

“what? the band?” you cut her off, not wanting to hear her myriad of excuses. “i see the way you look at her. you look at her like she’s the only thing you see.” you brush past her to grab your shirt, pulling it over your head hastily.

“the lingering looks, the canceled plans, the way you never tell her to stop fucking holding onto your arms the way she fucking does!” bitterness begins to overpower the solemnity paying homage to the pit of your heaving chest as you jostle her scroll of excuses back to her.

“i mean, god, ellie. has it ever occurred to you that you still have obligations to set boundaries in this relationship?” your tone is constraint from going back to normal.

“are you fucking serious?” she snaps, the pitch of her voice blending with yours in a chaotic cacophony. “i’m trying to tell you about how big of a deal this band is to me, trying to make up solutions, and you’re accusing me of leaving for fucking cat?”

“i mean it was her idea, wasn’t it?” you countered. you were at your breaking point with ellie. you felt like nothing you said would ever change her perspective so you gave up.

you no longer wanted to fight for someone that couldn’t care to think twice about how their actions inflicted hurt on you.

maybe this wasn’t about her leaving anymore. instead, as the conversation became more clear, the realization settled when you realized you were losing her.

“i’m not doing this with you.” you watch as ellie gathered her things in fit of rage, throwing on her flannel and slipping her feet back into her converses as grabbed her bag, ready to walk out.

a feeling of dread quickly dissipates all of the fury you momentarily had as you rush towards her, wanting to resolve this before the two of you went to bed upset.

“ellie. come on, please.” you grab her face, pleading with eager eyes for her to not leave when things began to get bad.

you knew your girlfriend was stubborn. often alternating between fight or flight when reality began to corner her. but you knew, this time was different. no matter what the two of you chose to do, it would change the trajectory of your lives together.

she avoids your eyes and you feel the warmth cascade down your face heavily. “don’t walk out on me. please. not like this.”

she finally looks at you and it’s hard to read her.

“i need to do this for me. not for anyone else. i’m not going to wait for you to change your mind if some ulterior motive you think i have will always be in the backside of your mind.” she asserted, planted in her obstinance.

“if you leave now, i’m not gonna wait for you to come back.”

her eyes scanned your own down to your lips back to your eyes before grabbing your wrists to pull your hands away from her.

“that’s up to you.” was the last thing she said as she turned to walk out of your empty house. the moment you heard the door slam shut, you dropped to your knees as the tears began to pour.

if there was one thing ellie was good at, it was keeping her word. ever since the the two of you were puny little teenagers, she still managed to keep ahold of all of her promises, even the smallest most frivolous ones.

it was something you loved about her because it showed her resilience and firmness. her ability to stand her ground. but as you sit with your hot head in your hands against the comfort of your bed that still smelled like her, you wished so desperately that the one quality you admired so much, wasn’t something she attained.

you knew there was no use in trying to change her mind or waiting for her to. she was set in her ways and held no exemptions, not even for you.

it was a thick pill to swallow but you knew, the moment she walked out that door, it was over.

the next few days were filled with no contact. your phone was sparse of any calls or messages except for one from your mother asking you to defrost the chicken or the occasional check up from your friends when they learned about what happened.

your room was a ghost town. her presence haunting you as a constant reminder in every corner. you couldn’t run away from her even if you wanted to.

you wished you were stronger in your ways. it would’ve saved you your dignity if you were prideful but you simply couldn’t bring yourself to be. you were the worst at staying mad— just wanting to fix things with your girl.

you even racked up some ideas about how ya’ll could make this arrangement work in a heap of desperation.

so when you rendered yourself enough courage to face the situation at hand, you made your way over to her house. you were hopeful that she wasn’t completely set in throwing it all away.

but when you reached her front door, all you were met with was a note that joel gave you that was left to him by ellie. his eye bags were deep showcasing his worry and lack of sleep and you saw a few more grey tendrils in his salt and pepper hair.

ellie had left a few mornings after the fight between the two of you. she left no trace of her behind to be gotten ahold of and you, joel, or sarah hadn’t heard from her since.

taglist: @bready101 @st4r-b3rries @vqxen

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ninoochat · 7 months ago

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"thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit." Mickey, 5x12

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seattlesellie · 2 years ago

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the space between us

pairing: ellie williams x reader

summary: MINORS DNI!!!! this is basically fluff that leads to pure smut. i love ellie's fascination with space and i just had to write something surrounding it. i've never written smut in my life i'm sorry if this is awful but i truly tried... warnings: smut, dom!ellie, sub!reader, fingering (r!receiving), oral (r! receiving), spanking, ellie's a little pussy drunk and slightly deranged, degradation kink, praise kink, spanking, choking, lmk if there are one's i might have forgotten! ellie and you started getting close. too close. it was a dangerous game. it started with being paired up to go on patrols with her, and ended up with you two having regular movie nights at your place. somehow, she always ended up falling asleep in your bed, and you never dared to wake her up.

in those moments, when she was sleeping right beside you, you felt like you were in a dream. you'd study her features, taking every single one of them in. the way her freckles were scattered across her face, like a galaxy of stars. the way a strand of her hair fell perfectly behind her ear. the way her firm hand grazed the pillow softly, tattoo's on full display. sometimes, you'd put your hand right next to hers, and find yourself admiring the contrast. compared to her firm hand, your hand seemed fragile, small. her tattoo's seemed to embody her spirit - confident, and unapologetically herself. you couldn't help but wonder how that hand might feel like around your waist. after entrancing in those deep thoughts, almost like a ritual, you'd fall asleep besides her. it was a warm night in jackson, and ellie and you had made plans to meet up at her house. when you and ellie hung out, it was almost always at your place. she would always tell you that her place was too messy, too dirty, that you wouldn't like it. she didn't know all you wanted was to be closer to her, to know her. after patrol the other day, ellie mentioned she had a surprise for you, and invited you over. your heart fluttered at the invitation. finally, you thought. you picked out a pair of tight, light pink pajama shorts paired with a simple white tank top. ellie always told you how pretty you looked with your hair like that.

you knocked on her door, and a few seconds later she opened it to greet you with a huge smile on her face and open arms. she pulled you in for a hug, her arms wrapping tightly around your body, and you leaned into her, feeling the warmth of her body against yours. she rubbed your back slightly. ellie's never been a hugger, but with you, she couldn't help it. she liked having you near her. whenever you'd go grab a drink at the bar, she would always make sure to wrap her hand around your waist if some guy tried it with you. you weren’t hers, but it felt like you had been for all of your life.

you pulled away from the hug, a small smile on your lips as you looked up at her. "hey" you said softly, feeling a little shy in her presence. no matter how much time you've spent with her, you always felt nervous, giddy. she looked down at you, her eyes lingering on your chest for a second too long. it made your face heat up slightly. did you wear that just for her? "hey yourself" she said, her voice deep, warm and playful. "are you ready for your surprise?" she asked, taking your hand in hers and pulling you inside. her hand didn't leave yours, and she was practically dragging across the entrance. suddenly, she stopped, and put her hands on your eyes, covering them entirely with her long, sleek fingers. "el, are you going to kidnap me?!" you said, giggling uncontrollably.

"nah, i'm saving that for another time... if you piss me off" she said. you couldn't see her, but you swore you could hear that smirk forming on her face. she kept on dragging you on, slower this time, so you wouldn't trip over the mess on her floor. books, records, clothes. she really was messy. she rested her firm hand on your waist in order to guide you. you prayed to god she didn't hear your breath slightly hitch up at the sudden contact.

after she was done guiding you through her house, which ended up with you slightly bumping in to a wall (she swore she didn't do it on purpose, you knew she did) you felt a warm breeze caressing your body. her hand left your waist, which made you pout. finally, she removed her hands from your eyes. you found yourself on her porch, staring at a strange object. "what is this?" you asked, your voice filled with excitement, which made ellie slightly scrunch her nose at you. your eyes fell on an object that you didn't recognize. it was a long, slender metal device. you furrowed your brows. "it's a telescope" she explained. "you use it to look at the stars." your heart leapt at the idea, and you turned back to the telescope, feeling a sense of awe wash over you. ellie watched as you gazed at the telescope with a look of wonder on your face. she couldn't help but smile at how excited you were. you always had a way of finding joy in the simplest things, and it was one of the things she admired most about you.

"you like it?" ellie asked, her voice soft and teasing. you turned to look at her, your eyes shining with excitement. "i love it." you said, a smile spreading across your face. ellie chuckled, reaching out to ruffle your hair affectionately. "you're so cute when you're excited" she said, her voice warm, teasing you even more. you blushed slightly at her words, as she stood with her hands fidgeting with the buttons of her grey flannel. "where did you even manage to get that?" you asked.

"found it on patrol the other day… and i knew i had to show you" she responded. she was thinking about you, she wanted to show you.

״come on" ellie said, gesturing towards the telescope. "let me show you how it works." you followed her eagerly, your heart racing.

"you put your eye right here..." she explained, with her hand right on your waist, never leaving your side. "you close one eye..." you didn't see shit, which made ellie laugh. "one eye, like you're winking" "you know i can't wink!" you exclaimed, with a childish tone. "okay, okay. let me help you dummy" ״hey!" you slightly pushed her off jokingly. she got behind you, and you could feel her chest grazing your back ever so slightly. she covered your left eye, keeping you firm against her. you could feel her belt caressing your ass. you wanted to be pushed against her more than anything in the fucking world. you felt hot all of a sudden, as if someone lit a fire inside of you. "now, look" her voice was quiet, deep, raspy. your breath caught in your throat as you stared at the glowing orb in the sky.

the moon was breathtakingly beautiful, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with emotion. joy filled your eyes, and you turned to ellie, your voice trembling with excitement. "oh my god ellie", you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "its so beautiful" she smiled at you, her eyes warm and tender. "i'm glad you like it." she said, looking deeply into your eyes. "you wanna see saturn?" she asked, with a smirk on her face. you nodded your head at her, like a little puppy. it made her heart melt. "turn around then" she whispered to you, adjusting the lens. she got closer to you. even closer than before, her fingers were trailing little circles around your tummy. you wanted to see saturn, you swore you did, but she was so close, so fucking close you couldn't focus on anything else other than her soft breaths against your neck. you were lost in the sensation. "are you looking?" she asked playfully. it was like she knew. she knew what she was doing to you. "y-yes" you said, stuttering, embarrassment washing over you. "yeah?" she asked with a tone you couldn't quite recognize. your heart was beating faster. your head was almost spinning. you couldn't even respond. your breaths became heavier, and so did ellie's. you could feel her heart pounding against your back. "describe it to me then" she demanded with a low voice. you swallowed. "umm..." you almost whined, as you felt her soft lips grazing your shoulder. "the ring...-it has a ring...-" you stuttered. your voice was shaky and you couldn't focus. couldn't see anything. saturn was the last thing on your mind. "which one do you like more, the moon, or saturn?" she teased. her lips were so close to your ear it tickled, making it even harder to breathe.

"i… i cant- i cant pick" your breathing got heavier. her hands were still wrapped around your tummy, her head resting on your shoulder. you could feel the air coming out of her nose with every breath she took, caressing you. suddenly, you felt her soft lips on your shoulder, planting a small, light kiss. "ellie..." you whined quietly, and that was enough for her. she pulled you in even closer. "tell me what you want, y/n" her voice was husky, whispering in your ear, making your knees weaker. you couldn't even respond. "you can tell me to stop..." she planted another kiss. "should i stop?" she said, as if she knew she had you wrapped around her little finger as you melted into her touch. you were a silent, whimpering mess, and she didn't even start. the knot in your lower stomach was too much for you to handle. it was tickling, burning, all for her. "i cant pretend with you anymore" she said, and she turned you around to face her. "you're fucking killing me." she had a hungry look on her face. starving. her eyes were darker than ever. "ellie…" you said in a needy voice. you didn’t need to say anything else. she could sense your desperation from a mile away. "fuck…" she grunted loudly. her hands trailed up to cup your breasts. she was squeezing them hard. it almost hurt, but you were too focused on the pressure building up in between your thighs to pay it any mind. "ellie... ellie…" is all you managed to whine. your desperate little voice was making her go crazy, squeezing your tits tighter, until you were left shaking in her arms. "if you want more, you're going to have to beg for it." she said with a breathy voice. she sounded hungry, like she needed you to tell her what you felt, more than anything in the world. you surrendered. you were hers in this moment, and you'd do anything she said. anything. "p..please ellie touch me, kiss me, please" you weren't even sure if that's what you said, since your voice was so breathy and desperate, mind clouded with the thought of her hand on your tits, fingers circling your nipples through your thin bra.

she turned you around forcefully. she looked like a fucking animal, her eyes dark with lust. she let out a groan, and she smashed her lips into yours. her lips were slightly chapped, opening up your soft lips, begging for acceptance. begging you to let her in. it was wet, and your head was spinning from the burning desire. one of her hands grabbed you by your neck, and the other pulled you closer to her by the back of your head, almost pulling your hair.the warmth of her tongue was driving you insane, dancing all over yours. she needed you more than anything. the ache between your legs was killing you, craving some sort of friction. you couldn’t believe this was happening.

all of a sudden, she picked you up, her hands grabbed your ass, and she carried you to her living room, lips never leaving yours. it was borderline pornographic, the sounds your mouths were making. she let out a grunt as she pushed you up against the wall, and broke the kiss.

the feeling of not having her lips over yours was excruciating, you needed her bad. you were gripping her flannel's collar, and her hand started playing with the hem of your little pants, eyes never leaving yours. her gaze suddenly turned soft.

"you sure about this?" she asked in a breathy voice, as she pushed a hair strand away from your face. "i can't be around you without... i can't do this anymore, you drive me fucking crazy." now, it was her turn to heat up. her cheeks were red, eyes hungry for you.

"ellie, i want to do this right now" you said, you felt tears forming in your eyes. you were so desperate it hurt, and it was finally happening.

"don't play with me" she said as she roamed her hands all over your body, purposefully avoiding your clothed cunt.

"im not playing with you..." you whispered, as you grabbed her face and pushed it closer to yours.

"i think about you all the fucking time" you admitted, voice shaking.

she flipped you over so your ass was pushed up against her jeans and her belt was borderline bruising you. your heart skipped a beat at every move she made. she slapped your ass and it made a sound so loud you swore it could have woken up every resident in jackson. you moaned loudly. "jesus christ," she muttered under her breath. you've never seen her like this. it was primal. every grunt that left her voice was filled with pure carnal energy.

"i want to fuck you so bad" she said, her voice shaking, as she gave your ass another slap, earning herself a moan mixed with the sound of her name leaving your mouth. her hands grasped the skin underneath your shirt, reaching for the hem of your bra. she almost tore the fabric away from your body, leaving you with no shirt on. her sudden act of aggression left you with a startled look on your face. "fuck. i don’t wanna hurt you" she said, it felt like she didn’t mean it. her hand was caressing your thigh, sending shivers down your spine. "i can't- i cant hurt you… youre so fucking pure…" her voice was slightly above a whisper. your breathing was rapid, her eyes were inviting you in.

"i need you. i need you" your voice cracked. you needed her more than anything. her hands on your body were fucking electric, she could hurt you all she wanted, you didn't care. she pushed her knee between your thighs, giving you that friction you oh so craved. you heard her loud groan, and she hit every single nerve in your body. she noticed your little moans and whimpers, which made her move her knee up and down on your pussy. every moan encouraged her to torture you even more.

"fuck yourself. show me how bad you need it" she grunted loudly before kissing you, swallowing in your loud pathetic moans.

you started moving up and down, feeling your clit against her hard jeans. you were grasping for air, pulling her shirt down, scratching the muscles in her arms. it was excruciating, you craved more of her touch, you needed her. your clit felt swollen, begging to be touched.

"please- ellie- touch me" you whimpered. she hummed, and kissed you again, tongue rough against yours. it felt so fucking good.

with no effort, she slid your pants off, revealing a pair of lacey white underwear. she breathed heavily and grunted as she noticed the wet spot that formed right where your hole is. her eyelids dropped slowly. she furrowed her brows, looked as if she almost pitied you.

"so fucking wet for me.. such a dirty fucking girl", she gave a quick slap to your pussy, which made you flinch and let out a small scream escape your mouth. her eyes were blazing. you pushed your cunt closer to her face. you were barely aware of your actions, you felt as if something took over you. she smiled playfully and planted a little kiss on your pussy through your panties, licking the wet spot that grew larger with every move of her tongue, over and over again, just to drive you mad.

you moaned her name, again and again, it was almost like you were chanting, saying a prayer, and ellie was your god.

"not so fast…" she teased again. she was staring at your pussy with a look you’ve never seen before. she slightly pinched your panties to reveal your outer lips, and started rubbing them up and down your slit. the fabric was burning through you, and she enjoyed every minute of it. it was intoxicating for her, how the pretty girl next door was in front of her, begging to be fucked. she still didn’t touch you. her mouth was salivating at the sight of your pussy dripping just for her. she owend you.

your hand grabbed a fistful of her auburn hair, pleading for more.

"now ellie please- please" you were full on whining. that act made ellie stop in her tracks, and she got up to meet your eyes with a stern look on her face.

"you don’t get to decide." she said firmly. her green eyes were wide, her pupils blown out. she looked high out of her mind.

you practically pouted, tears almost forming in your eyes. she took both of your hands firmly.

"how long have you wanted this, huh?" she toyed, her tone mocking you. there was no going back. she knew of the effect she had on you. no more sneaky looks, no more thinking you were so in charge of your feelings. she cursed under her breath and bit your ear, which made you moan her name loudly. she planted a small delicate kiss to your collarbone. The sharp contrast of sensations was sending you into a frenzy. one moment, it was the intensity of hardness that left you gasping, only to be met with the tenderness of softness in the next. a delicate kiss followed by a stinging slap, each touch igniting a fire within you.

"tell me, or i don’t touch" no no no. you couldn’t deal with that.

"i fuck myself thinking about you" you admitted, throat dry with desire. she grinned and let out a loud groan, eyes dark with lust. that was all she needed to hear.

you were still pushed up against the wall, but now, she was kneeling in front of you. she looked up with her predatory gaze, and that look made another loud moan escape your mouth. she started planting long, light, little kisses over your soaked panties. you could tell she was restraining herself. all she wanted was to ravage you, to fuck you into submission and leave you unable to walk for days. she wanted to break you, but not yet. "its like you were fucking created just for me" she said. it made you blush even harder. just for her.

"tell me you're mine." she demanded with a grunt.

"im yours… jesus- ellie im yours" you gasped out. she planted more and more kisses on your pussy, burying herself in your scent and wetness. it was killing her, as she felt her own cunt leaking from just the sound of your soft moans. her words were like a drug, intoxicating and addictive, and you couldn't get enough. you arched your back, pressing your hips against her mouth, wanting more, needing more.

"i need-" kiss. "to taste-" kiss. "that little fucking pussy" she bit your clit through your panties, making you scream loudly. "please eat me- please… fuck-" you moaned, the sound catching in your throat as she bit down. you were mumbling absolute nonsense, the word "please" not leaving your mouth. she got up from her knees again, pushing you firmly against the wall.

she felt herself go absolutely insane, she could feel how wet and needy you were for her. she wrapped her hand around your throat, squeezing it lightly. "you're begging for it, aren't you?" she murmured. "you want me to eat your pretty little pussy until you can't even remember your own name."

her hand was cupping your pussy, giving it small slaps that made your head dizzy. you were hot all over, burning, as her hand imprinted your neck.

you nodded frantically, not being able to say a word, intoxicated by her grip and her eyes, fucking you with her look.

she was kneeling again, with her head wrapped between your thighs. you wished you could burn this moment into your memory. it was fucking glorious, a pure work of art, like a scene out of a renaissance painting. your eyes closed in ecstasy.

"jesus christ" she muttered under her breath, and moved your panties to the side, not even bothering to take them all the way off. she needed to know how you taste. she planted a warm, wet kiss all over your aching clit, and sucked it ever so slightly. a moan escaped her mouth, and you saw her hand immediately go down to take off her jeans. she took them all the way off, and then she shoved her hand in her underwear. that sight made you almost come on the spot.

the fact that she couldn’t wait, that she had to touch herself as she was kissing your pussy made you see stars, galaxies. she spread your legs open, your pussy on full display, offering your glistening folds for her exploration. she took her hand out of her black boxers, and without warning, she slid a finger inside you, and you gasped at the sensation of her slick warmth mingling with your own wetness.

"taste so fucking good… so sweet for me" she said in her deep voice.

"holy shit-" is all you could mutter, feeling the tight coil in your belly about to explode. she looked amused, letting out a small chuckle. your loud moan earned you another slap right on your clit. you screamed in agony and pleasure, as she pumped her finger inside and out of you like a fucking machine.

she spat on your pussy, her saliva mixing with all of your wetness.

"such a fucking slut for me, youd do anything for me wouldn’t you?" she mumbled, with that hungry fucking look on her face.

she added another finger, pumping in and out of you, making you come closer and closer to your climax. the moans that left your mouth made her go even crazier. ellie was licking up all the juices that had gathered, and started flicking your clit in a circular motion. you felt so fucking unholy.

she sucked roughly on your clit, her eyes not leaving yours, demanding for your eye contact. you could feel it coming at you hard, you couldn’t control yourself anymore. you needed to cum and you were almost going to. your eyes rolled in your head, forcing you to leave her piercing gaze.

she stopped.

"no. no- no. ellie- wh-why?" you cried. she blew air on your clit slightly, making you twitch. "youre going to look at me when you cum- if you don’t, I'm gonna fucking torture you. understand?" she said firmly, and she spanked your ass once again.

"i understand" you cried.

"atta girl" she praised, as she wrapped her arm around your ass, and started licking you all over again, with an agonizing speed. your cheeks were covered with tears, you felt so embarrassed but so fucking full of her fingers and her tongue. with every single one of your soft sobs, ellie became more and more eager, moaning softly against your core.

your mind went absolutely numb, as you felt your orgasm come closer and closer. you were filled with so much pleasure you couldn’t handle it anymore.

"m'gonna cum ell-… i'm gonna cum" you cried, as her pace got faster and deeper, ruining your pussy.

"cum for me angel" she praised. you cried out ellie's name until your mind went blank. you arched your back as you drowned in the pleasure.

ellie never wanted to hurt you, but you came so hard it nearly broke your heart.

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agentbootyreportingforduty · 4 months ago

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THIS SCENE HAD ME SCREAMINGGG

#hawaii five 0 #h50 #thought of this meme INSTANTLY #steve mcgarrett #danny williams #mcdanno #steve x danny #h50 2.17 #h50 2x17 #imagine leaving your girlfriend to come home to your husband burning your mfing house down 😭#hawaii five-0 #h5O #alex o'loughlin #scott caan

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weirdlookindog · 9 days ago

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William Brassey Hole (1846-1917) - Death and Doctor Hornbook

illustration from 'The Poetry of Robert Burns, Vol.1', c. 1896-97

source

#william brassey hole #death and doctor hornbook #robert burns #19th century art #19th century #death #death in art #horror art #dark art #victorian gothic #art #book illustration #illustration #etching

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livelovecaliforniadreams · 7 months ago

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1x9 | 3x10

#this parallel killed me #started from the bottom now we're here #im not crying you are #funny how the night changes huh?#abbott elementary #1x9 #3x10 #janine x gregory #gregory x janine #janine teagues #gregory eddie #love #tyler james williams #quinta brunson #my heart #slow burn perfection #teddie

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elliezato · 8 months ago

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❀˙⋆Summer With You⋆˙❀

Pairing: Ellie x Reader

-Modern au!

Summary: You and your friends decide to rent out a cabin on the beach over the summer. This was your last summer before leaving for college, so you wanted to make it memorable. This summer was going to be perfect. You spent your days in the water, taking In the moments in the sun with your friends.

It didn't take long for you to realize your feelings for your best friend Ellie.

The way her wet hair drips down her shoulders as she gets out of the water. The way her fingers strum the guitar as you gather around the fire. The way the stars light her eyes during late night swims. The way her smile grows when she’s with her girlfriend… It's all too much.

Will these feelings ruin your friendship and the whole summer? What will happen when it's time to leave Ellie behind for college?

Word Count: 4.4k

⋆˚✿˖°

a/n: Im back!! I've been in the summer mood recently and I just need to be laying out by the lake rn. I recently read "SYNS" by carmellie and was inspired to make this! I've really been wanting to write a slow burn, angst fic so I hope this turns out good.

I will probably split this story into a few parts depending on how long I want this to be.

This will be my first real fic because honestly I've only written smut in the past and I'm not sure if I like writing stuff like that. I might add a little bit of it every now and then in my stories but it's not something I want to continue to write.

Anyway, I'm super exited for this story! Please give me ideas for future chapters! I love to hear feedback on how to improve or what you guys like.

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Packing your bag was the only thing you weren't looking forward to doing on this trip. You always over packed and struggled to fit everything in your bags. Clothes and shoes were thrown all over your room as you pick out what you should pack. This trip is going to be 2 months long so you need enough clothes to last through the summer but not too much that your car will be over flowing.

"Eww, do not bring that" Dina says in disgust as you hold up an old one piece bathing suit from freshmen year.

You knew she was right, but you didn't have many options when It came to bathing suits. You packed it anyway, along with some other suits from the previous summer. The sun shined through your window, lighting up the room. It was almost noon and you needed to leave soon. The drive to the cabin would take the majority of the day so there wasn't much time to waste.

Dina helped you load your car with your bags. There wasn't a lot of room in the trunk but you two made it work. You slam the truck shut, making sure it wouldn't pop open from all the clothes. Your parents hug you goodbye in your drive way as you and Dina get ready to leave.

You get into your car and put the top of your convertible down. The breeze felt nice in your hair as you drove off. Music plays as you sing your heart out. This was going to be a good trip, you could feel it. Dina pulls out her digital camera and snaps a pic of you driving as your hair blows in the wind. Your sun glasses reflect the trees lining the road.

It's been a long time since you've been on a nice trip. Let alone with all your friends. Nerves start to build as you get closer to the cabin. Ellie and Jesse were supposed to meet you there. Recently it's been awkward with Ellie. Usually you two could talk for hours and spend every second together but things have been different.

⋆˚✿˖°

You noticed this sudden shift in your friendship during one of your sleepovers a few months ago. Ellie was sitting on the floor of your bedroom while you were getting ready for bed. She starts going on a rant about this girl she's been thinking about asking out. You don't know what happened but in that moment you felt this strange rage fill in your heart.

Ellie has always been open about girls she finds attractive but she's never made any moves. The thought of your best friend dating another girl upset you for some reason. You've never felt this before and decided to just let it go.

"She so pretty y/n! Like I really think I'm going to make my move" Ellie scrolls on her phone as she talks to you.

You look into the mirror while washing the rest of the soap off your face. "Go for it Els, you could probably pull anyone"

"Yeah, I know" Ellie says sarcastically, now putting down her phone.

She walks over to you and meets your gaze in the reflection on the bathroom mirror. Your eyes revert down to the counter. For some reason you felt your body tremble as she got closer. You couldn't understand why you were acting like this. You've known Ellie your whole life and never saw her as anything other than your best friend.

She picks up her toothbrush and you leave the bathroom. You lay in bed waiting for Ellie to finish in the bathroom. She noticed the sudden change in your demeanor. After a few minutes your friend turns off the lights and lays nexts to you in bed.

"You ok?" Ellie turns to look at you. Her hand rubs up and down your arm.

"Yeah, Im just tired" You lied. You were wide awake but the thoughts of Ellie swarmed your mind.

Things have been like this ever since then. Every time you guys hung out, you two always end up in awkward situations. You hated the fact that things felt like this. You almost convinced yourself that maybe your friendship isn't as strong and it use to be. Maybe you two are drifing apart. You prayed that this wasn't the case but it was the only logical way to explain the distance between you two.

⋆˚✿˖°

"Can we pull over? I have to pee and Im starving" Dina throws her head back into the seat.

"Yeah, I need to get gas anyway" You pull into a gas station and Dina runs in as you follow shortly behind her.

The area was very unfamiliar. There wasn't many people around. You walk inside the convince store and pick out a few snacks and your friend finishes up in the bathroom. You look over to pick out what you want and see a package of watermelon sour patch kids. These were Ellie's favorite. You guys use to walk to the gas station when you were younger and eat these on the curb in the summer heat.

You pick up two bags, one for yourself and one to give Ellie when you see her later tonight. Dina grabs her snacks and you pay. You quickly fill up your tank and get back onto the road. You put the top of your conferable back up now that it's getting darker and the air is cooling down.

The rest of the drive was quiet. Dina slept as you listed to music softly. Superache by Conan filled the car as your mind thought about Ellie. She was all you could think about for the rest of the drive. You were excited to see her, hoping she felt the same.

A few hours later you pull into the driveway of the cabin. You looked at the familiar car already in front of you.

"It looks like they're already here" You nudge Dina, trying to wake her.

You text the group chat, letting your friends know you arrived. As you get out of the car to help unload all your bags you hear your name being called out from a small distance. You look up and see Ellie and Jesse walking towards you to greet you and help with the bags.

"Y/N!! You guys took long enough." Ellie pulls you into a tight hug and then turns to Dina to welcome her.

Your eyes were glued to Ellie. She was dressed in a pair of jorts that ended a few inches above her knees. Her shirt displayed the album cover of her favorite band she took you to see last semester. She wore her old converse that probably need to be replaced sometime soon.

You guys walk into the cabin with all the bags. It was beautiful. Trees surround the land and fireflies lit up every now and then around the house. You could see a glimpse of the ocean from the front. You walk into the cabin and place your bags onto the floor.

"You guys have to see the view!" Ellie grabs your wrist to bring you to the backyard.

Dina and Jesse followed as Ellie opened the backdoor for everyone. As she opened the door you were met with the view of the beach in the distance. Lanterns lit the path leading down to a fire pit. Lights were strung across the yard, lighting up every inch. You closed your eyes and listened to the waves crashing in the distance and the bugs humming from the trees.

"Holy shit. This is insane!" Your eyes light up thinking about all the memories that are about to be made here.

"Lets go down to the beach!" Jesse says as he's already sprinting down to the sand.

"I'll be there in a minute, Im going to change into a bathing suit." You begin to walk back inside until you feel a tug on your arm.

"Come onnnn!" Ellie drags you down to the beach with everyone else.

There wasn't anyone on the beach. It was more of a reserved area for residents only. You kick off your shoes as you stumble down to the water. You watch as your friends run into the waves laughing and taking in the moment. Ellie looks over at you from the water smiling, motioning you to come in. You roll your eyes and walk into the water. It was oddly warm. You cringe at the fact you're still dressed in your clothes from the drive here.

You suddenly gasp as you feel yourself getting pushed into the water. "Hey!" You sit as waves crash over you.

Ellie looks down at you and laughs but it doesn't last long before Jesse pushes her in. "What the fuck!"

You're now laughing at the sight of her drenched in the water. She grabs your hand and helps you up as you two are now dripping wet. You look up and notice how bright the stars are here. Back home you can barely see the stars. The city isn't the best place for star gazing. You can feel your body start to shiver.

The wet cloths that cling to your body get colder by each second. Ellie notices and pulls you close. "Lets go back up and change"

You take your bag of clothes and bring it it your room. Your eyes widen when you realize the room you were sharing with Ellie only has one bed. You don't understand why you're in shock. You've shared a bed with Ellie many times in your life but for some reason you felt weird about it.

"Nice right?" She says as she walks past you into the room.

The room was nice. It was open and had big windows looking out to the ocean. You place your bags down next to the bed and pull out a pair of pjs. You feel her eyes on you as you walk to the bathroom to shower and change for the night.

You take your time getting unready. Turing on the shower as you slip out of your wet clothes. The water is hot and feels nice against your shivering skin. Fingers run through your scalp as you wash out the salty water, tasting it on your lips as it washes over your face.

You dry off your body and put on fresh clothes. You throw your wet hair up into a towel as you wash your face. As you exit the bathroom you notice Ellie is no longer in the room. You walk downstairs to the kitchen to see all your friends sitting at the island laughing.

"Were ordered pizza, I hope that's fine" Dina says smiling, then returning to her conversation

"Im literally starving, I could fuck up some pizza right now" You say as you sit and join them at the island.

"I think Cat is going to join us for a week. She's supposed to be here next Saturday" Ellie looks at you waiting for a reaction.

You immediately feel a frown forming on your face. You hated Cat. You hated how she practically stole Ellie from you, and now she's coming on your trip!? Ever since Ellie made her move on Cat they've been inseparable. She never referred to Cat as her girlfriend but you knew it was coming. The way Ellie looks at her. It hurts. You figured it was just because she doesn't spend all her time with you anymore. Maybe you're just jealous that Ellie's time is being taken up by someone else.

You were looking forward to spending time with Ellie on this trip and now she's inventing Cat? You felt your heart drop at the thought of Ellie spending the next week with her.

"That's exciting" You say as you force a smile but it's clear your upset.

Suddenly there's a knock at the door. "That's probably the pizza" Jesse gets up and walks to the front door.

You make your way over to the living room with a box of pizza in your hands. You place the box down on the coffee table next to the other boxes. Ellie hands you a glass of water as she takes a seat next to you on the couch.

"What movie are we watching?" You feel Ellie's body shift next to you as she grabs the remote to scroll through the options.

"Want to rewatch Bottoms? I don't think Dina or Jesse have seen it yet."

"YES!" She searches up the movie and hits rent without any hesitation.

⋆˚✿˖°

The night was nice. You rested your head on Ellies shoulder as you watch the movie. The boxes of pizza are practically empty except for the left over crust from Ellie that she refuses to eat. The movie was almost over and you could feel your eyes getting tired. You've already seen this move a million times so you decided to go ahead and go to bed.

"Where are you going" Ellie looks up at you as you remove yourself from her arms.

"Im going to head up to bed. Im tired from driving all day. I'll see you guys in the morning" You smile and say goodnight to Jesse and Dina.

"Okay, goodnight! I'll be up there right when the movie ends." She gives you a soft smile in return.

The bed was comfortable. It was easy to get settled in as you wait for Ellie's presence. Your eyes close as you wait for her. You could feel yourself drifting off until you hear the sound of the door opening. Your body turns towards the door and you open your eyes to see Ellie walking into the room.

"Sorry, did I wake you up" She quietly closes the door.

"No, I was still up." You watch as she pulls out her toothbrush from her bag and walks to the bathroom.

She eventually joins you in bed. Her body was close. You could feel her settling into the mattress. The widow was slightly open, allowing the sound of the waves crashing to fill the room. The fan kept the room at a cool temperature as you pull the covers higher up your body.

"Do you like Cat" Ellie breaks the silence and turns to face you in the bed waiting for a response.

Her face was close. You could feel her gentle breath on your cheeks as she waited for you to answer. You knew you couldn't tell her the truth. She's your best friend. There's no reason for you dislike Cat, but you did, but you couldn't tell her that.

"Yeah. Why?" Your response was cold and blunt.

"You just always change the subject when I bring her up or you just seem to always get upset." She frowns. "I just really want you to like her because I think I'm going to make things official with her."

You almost was to cry when you hear those words come out of her mouth. Your heart aches. You knew this was coming but you prayed it wouldn't happen. You wished things would fall through between them. You hated that you felt this way. You wanted Ellie to be happy. You really did but you've been letting your emotions get in the way.

"Do whatever you want Ellie" You turn to face the opposite way. You didn't mean for your response to come out as harsh as it did, but it was too late.

"This is exactly what I was talking about. I don't understand why you're being like this" Her voice is harsh. "Ever since I told you about Cat you've been so distant. I don't know why you're being like this but clearly you need space."

You feel her get up from the bed. "Where are you going?" You sit up and look at her.

"Giving you space. You obviously are upset with me and I don't know why." She gets up and leaves the room.

You lay back down on your back as the tears that formed in your eyes begin to fall down your cheeks. Her words stung but she was right. You feel bad for being so short with Ellie, she doesn't deserve it. Your whole life you and Ellie have been so close. You told each other everything. The reason your friendship is changing was because of you.

After tossing and turning in the empty bed for a while you look over at your bag and see the candy you bought for Ellie but forgot to give her. You decide to get up and find her, still feeling bad about earlier. The room was dark and hard to navigate but you found the door. You walk downstairs to see Ellie laying on the couch. She's wrapped up in a small blanket, sleeping softly. You sit on the edge of the couch and look at her with a feeling of guilt settling in your stomach.

"y/n?" She slowly opens her eyes and looks at you.

"Im sorry Els." You look at her with damp eyes. "Im sorry I've been so distant and I'm sorry for being rude." You wipe your tears trying to gain composer.

Ellie sits up and wraps her arms around you, bringing you close to her body. She wipes your tears as she holds you. "Stop crying. Im not mad at you, Im just confused."

"I know and Im sorry" You rest your head on her chest.

You eventually lay down on the couch with her. There isn't too much room but you make it work. Your bodies press against each other as you close your eyes. Her arms are wrapped around your waist, still trying to calm you down. You quickly fall asleep, feeling that your friendship is returning to what it once was.

⋆˚✿˖°

You wake up alone on the couch, hearing chatter from the kitchen. Sitting up and looking over you see your friends making breakfast. The air smells of salt and pancakes.

"Look who's finally up" Jesse says teasingly as he flips a pancake.

"You hungry?" Ellie asks as she holds up a plate of food she had already prepared for you.

You get up from the couch and sit at the table. The kitchen had huge windows that had the perfect view on the backyard and the beach. The cabin was so pretty during the day. The sunlight lit up the whole house. You look up as you see Ellie placing a plate in front of you. She sits down and joins you for breakfast.

"Do you have any plans in mind for today" She looks up at you as she takes a bite of pineapple.

"I really want to explore this area and go to the beach." You smile at her as you spread the butter on your pancakes.

You put on your bathing suit and then some shorts over as a coverup. The weather was hot but not humid. There was nice breeze outside. There were a bunch of beach bikes on the side of the cabin for guest so you and your friends decided to explore on them.

Wind blew through your hair as you rode down the dirt paths from the cabin to the nearest sidewalk. Music played through Ellie's speakers as you rode. You eventually came across a small beach town with restaurants and shops. There were people walking through with friends and family enjoying the start of summer break.

You tied your bikes to a post and decided to walk around. "This place is so cute!" You take out you phone to take some pictures.

Dina points out a small local coffee shop and starts walking towards it. You guys enter the shop and order coffees to start your morning. Ellie wasn't a huge coffee person so she got a refresher.

"Els you need to try this!" You hand her your drink waiting for her to take a sip.

"No thanks. I really don't like coffee" She pushes your drink away.

"Seriously Ellie, its so good, you have to try it" You push your cup back into her hands.

She hands you her drink so you can try it as she takes a sip of your coffee. "This is disgusting!" She cringes as the taste of coffee lingers in her mouth.

She takes her drink back and washes out the bitter taste of coffee from her mouth. The coffee wasn't even strong, it was mostly washed out with a sugary creamer. You laugh watching Ellie's reaction to the coffee and took it back from her hands.

The town was small so it didn't take long to explore it. You guys planned on trying every restaurant here over the summer. The breeze from the ocean felt nice. The air smelt of salt and coffee.

You and your friends got back onto your bikes and rode down to the beach. The weather was starting to get warmer as noon approached. You set you bike up again the beach entrance and step onto the sand. You take off your shoes and toss them into your bag and walk down to the water. Ellie follows shortly behind and sits down on the towel that Dina places on the warm sand.

You join Ellie on the towel as Dina and Jesse head towards the water. "Im sorry about last night, I was just tired. I don't even remember why I was upset." You say looking at Ellie as she takes a sip of her drink.

"Y/n, it's really ok, I'm not mad. I just want us to go back to how we use to be" She admits as she meets your gaze.

"Me too" You smile and rest your head on her shoulder as you watch your friends splashing each other in the waves.

⋆˚✿˖°

The first week was perfect. You spent your days at the beach and cooking out in the backyard of the cabin. Jesse and Ellie set up hammocks in the back, so you guys could star gaze and talk until the sun starts to rise. Things were going better than you imagined. Your relationship with Ellie was better than ever. You two did everyone together.

"Cats going to be here in a few minutes!" Ellie impatiently checks her phone waiting for Cat's arrival text.

You sit at the island finishing your breakfast. The windows were open, allowing the fresh air to calm you down. You've been dreading this since Ellie first brought up the fact that Cat was even visiting. The thought of Ellie spending all her time with Cat made you sick. You didn't want to lash out again so you kept your feelings to yourself.

A ding from Ellie's phone interrupted your conversation followed by a loud knock at the door. "She's here!" Ellie jumped from her seat and walked over to the front door.

Cat stood at the entrance with her bag. She was dressed in shorts and a tank top with an opened button down on top. You took in the image of Ellie's face lighting up as she looked Cat up and down. You watched as she pulled her into a tight hug. Ellie leaded her into the kitchen with everyone else.

"Hi guys! Thanks for letting me stay for a few days" She smiles and then looks at you.

You return the smile but its obvious you're annoyed. Cat takes the hint and turns back too Ellie. They walk upstairs so she could put up her bags.

Dina looks over at you with a frown. "You ok y/n?"

"Yeah... why?" You look at her with a confused and saddened expression.

Dina caught on to your feelings for Ellie a long time ago. You've never admitted to them because honestly you never thought of Ellie in that way. At least not until recently. It's all been so confusing.

"She's only going to be here for five days, it'll go by fast" Dina tries to reassure you but it just makes things worse.

"I know, I think we'll have fun. And Ellie's happy" You try to convince your friends you're ok, and maybe you're trying to convince yourself too.

Ellie returns downstairs with Cats hand in hers. The sight makes you want to cry but you suck in your feelings and try to avoid them. You knew these next few days would be hard. Not only did you have to watch your best friend fall in love with someone else but you had to get rid of any feelings you have for her.

You didn't even know you liked her but it makes sense now. It's all coming together. Why did you feel this way? You've known Ellie all your life. Why are you just now realizing these feelings? The way she makes you feel when her fingers are running through your hair. The way she holds you close at night. The way she immediately drops everything when you need her.

Your thoughts shatter in your mind when you see Cats lips against Ellie's. You can't help but sit and stare. Ellie never told you they were official yet. Why didn't she tell you?

Your emotions took over and you left. You didn't know where you were going but your keys were in your hand and you were already half way to you car.

"Y/n!? Where are you going?" Ellie follows you as you walk out the door. Cat standing behind. She stands at the door frame as she watches you pull out of the drive way.

The air was much needed. You drove down the roads of the beach. tears building up in your eyes. You had hopes that this drive would distract you but the only thing on your mind was Ellie. Why did you let your feelings get the best of you again. She clearly doesn't like you. She has Cat.

You find yourself sitting in a cafe looking out at the beach. The thoughts Ellie holding you floods your mind. You hate yourself for feeling like this. What would she think if she knew about how you felt? Would this ruin everything between you two? Would your friendship be over for good?

You immediately snap out of your thoughts as you look down and notice a text from Ellie.

⋆˚✿˖°

a/n: Thank you for reading!! Im already working on the next chapter. I hope my writing gets stronger as I write more because I feel like this could be more detailed:( Please, please, pleaseeee give me feedback! I love hearing others opinions! Im excited to continue this story because honestly I have no idea where the plot is going to go yet. The next chapters should be longer as they come out. Im not expecting this to be too long but let me know what you guys want for the future chapters!<3

#ellie the last of us #ellie williams #ellie tlou #the last of us #tlou #ellie williams tlou #tlou2 #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #wlw #sapphic #slow burn #angst #ellie williams fanfic #tlou fanfiction #ellie williams x female reader

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les4elliewilliams · 9 months ago

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Ellie is away... // e.w

chapter 1 – 2002, Senior year High school

a/n: helooo:)) okay so this is my first series and first time actually writing something, i'm aware its not the best but its just for fun so idrc. im new to tumblr and i'm still trying to figure everything out so, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated. this is based off the game emily's away. also i know youtube wasn't really a thing back in 2002 but for my own sake, please, lets pretend it was. wc/cw: 1.6k. swearing, mention of drugs (just ellie saying she wants to get high) loser!ellie(??) don't know but anyways they're both simps but too scared to make a move on each other. no smut but still MDNI.

summary: a time before skype and facebook, windows xp just came out and Windows Messenger was the thing of the moment. you just got a new computer to chat with your friends

➥ part two

since windows xp came out everyone's been talking about this new instant message thing that lets you chat with your friends, everyone had it, your friends, your whole school had made an account on it, hell even your teachers used it, everyone except you and that was because you didn't even own a computer in the first place. you've begged and begged your parents until they got you one, you didn't care what kind of computer it was, even the cheapest and the shittiest worked for you as long as you could chat with your friends it was safe to say that they bullied you into getting one you made an account and signed in, typing in the search bar their weird usernames to add them to your 'friends list'. you made sure to write all their usernames down on a piece of paper before you rushed home, Ellie even had to explain to you how to do it. you picked a random icon for your profile and tried your best to pick a not so stupid and childish username who thought that picking a username for your account would be so hard? shit, you swore you probably spent more time picking a user than on your math problems and you weren't even that good in math.

you made sure to include your name in it so that your friends would recognize you and not freak out when they saw a friend request from a certain somebody

dinathedrummer ⇨ friend request sent.

jessescool ⇨ friend request sent.

brickmaster ⇨ friend request sent.

now you just had to wait until they accepted your request. meanwhile you just navigated on the internet, trying to learn a thing or two about your new computer, it was so odd but addictive.

you nearly jump when you hear a sound coming from your computer and something popping up in the right corner of your screen

brickmaster has accepted your friend request!

you eagerly click on it and it immediately leads you to the chat, your fingers aggressively hitting the keycaps almost too enthusiastic to chat with your friend Ellie (as if you don't see her daily)

brickmaster has signed in.

ynshere: Ellll!!! hiii

brickmaster: aboutt freaking time ynshere: right ynshere: but hey ynshere: better later than never, right?

brickmaster: yeah yeah brickmaster: nice icon by the way brickmaster: so, whats up??

ynshere: nothing really, just talking to you ynshere: what are you up to?

brickmaster: nothin, just listening to music :)

ynshere: ew what's that

brickmaster: rude brickmaster: it's called smiley face brickmaster: i really gotta teach you everything don't i?

ynshere: shut up ynshere: i know what it's called, i'm not stupid

brickmaster: you sure about that?

ynshere: positive :P

brickmaster: ooooh brickmaster: look at yn go

ynshere: shut it ynshere: so what are you listening to? ynshere: your depressing music again?

brickmaster: you're one to talk brickmaster: my grandma got the same music taste as you brickmaster: even Joel got better taste than you

ynshere: okay and

brickmaster: and you'd be nothing without me brickmaster: let me educate you brickmaster: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vabnZ9-ex7o

ynshere: not bad

brickmaster: told you brickmaster: it's one of my favorite

ynshere: not that good either

brickmaster: now you're just being delusional brickmaster: remind me why we're friends again

ynshere: because i'm great and you love me

brickmaster: don't know about that

ynshere: and because i let you copy my homework every single day

brickmaster: yep, that's the one

ynshere: i hate you Williams

brickmaster: sorry can't hear you over my depressing music

ynshere: i hope Joel takes your computer away again

brickmaster: oh hell no brickmaster: it took me 2 weeks to get it back brickmaster: you have no idea of what i had to do to get it back

ynshere: lmao now i really wanna know

brickmaster: had to spend time with him hiking and watching action movies with him brickmaster: i even had to help out the neighbor, take care of his garden and all that shit, even take care of his goddamn dog (nothing against the pup he was such a good boy) but still brickmaster: he's so against technology he really expects us to live like dinosaurs and those primitive dudes

ynshere: lol yeah my mum's the same way ynshere: are you going to Jesse's party tonight?

brickmaster: of course i'm going brickmaster: his parties are always fun brickmaster: and i really wanna get high tonight brickmaster: are you?

ynshere: well if you’re going i am too ynshere: it’s crazy we’re already having end of school parties

brickmaster: dude brickmaster: can't wait for highschool to be over

ynshere: ahh same here ynshere: i'm so over this school

brickmaster: yeah same brickmaster: you know Cat from our math class? brickmaster: she won’t stop messaging me brickmaster: we've been messaging for days

ynshere: what does she want?

brickmaster: nothin she just wants to talk brickmaster: she said she thinks i'm cool brickmaster: like i don't know that already

ynshere: you're so damn cocky ynshere: you ain't even cool

brickmaster: what? brickmaster: jealous?

ynshere: of what? ynshere: there's nothing to be jealous of

brickmaster: cause i'm the coolest and you're just a loser

ynshere: yeah yeah keep talking ynshere: so you like like her?

brickmaster: she's pretty and all but i don't know brickmaster: too clingy

ynshere: wait ynshere: is it THAT Cat ynshere: the girl with the tattoo?

brickmaster: yep brickmaster: the one Dina hates

ynshere: oh yeah ynshere: don't like her either

brickmaster: now you're just being mean

ynshere: bitch you're the first who called her clingy

brickmaster: i was describing her

ynshere: and i was just telling you how i feel about her

brickmaster: uh oh someone’s mad

ynshere: you're making me regret getting a computer in the first place

brickmaster: i'm kidding i'm kidding brickmaster: you're just so easy to mess with

ynshere: uh huh ynshere: fuckk just one more month to graduation brickmaster: man don't remind me brickmaster: we're getting old brickmaster: did you pick a school yet?

ynshere: didn’t get accepted into my reach school :( ynshere: so i'm just going to one of the others ynshere: i don't mind though, anything’s better than high school. where are you gonna go?

brickmaster: aw man i'm sorry, i remember you telling me how bad you wanted to get into that school brickmaster: going to art school :)

ynshere: yeah makes sense ynshere: you always liked drawing after all ynshere: and you're also very talented

brickmaster: thank you brickmaster: took me some time to convince Joel but eventually he gave in ynshere: i'm glad he did ynshere: would've been a waste of talent ynshere: i still have the drawing you made for me two years ago :) brickmaster: lol really?? brickmaster: i wasn't even that good back then but i got better

ynshere: dude you joking right ynshere: it's literally so accurate and you even managed to make me look pretty

brickmaster: lol i'm serious brickmaster: i can do so much better now brickmaster: maybe i should draw you again sometime

ynshere: i mean i am an excellent muse so why not

brickmaster: totally brickmaster: can't believe you kept it

ynshere: of course i did, it's so pretty ynshere: no one has ever made me a drawing before lol

brickmaster: glad to be your first ;)

ynshere: god that thing is horrendous

brickmaster: you literally used it a few minutes ago

ynshere: maybe Joel was right ynshere: technology really is bad for you ynshere: are you starting to see things, Williams?

brickmaster: oh please brickmaster: this is why no one likes you

ynshere: seriously though ynshere: you promise to be there for me even if we won't see each other everyday? ynshere: you're my best friend i don't wanna lose you :(

brickmaster: shut up you're literally one of my best friends brickmaster: nothing could ever keep me from talking to you brickmaster: who’s gonna annoy you when i leavee

ynshere: right ynshere: i’d be miserable without you ynshere: asshole

brickmaster: here we go with the pet names again brickmaster: stop flirting its working on me

ynshere: see what i mean ynshere: i could never go without all this ynshere: you're like one of the few people who made high school tolerable

brickmaster: same goes for you stupid brickmaster: you made it fun

ynshere: i know ynshere: who's miserable without me now?

brickmaster: shut up you dork brickmaster: Dina’s coming over in a few so we can head to the party together

ynshere: alright so i'll see you two there?

brickmaster: yep i'll see you there brickmaster: think Cat is gonna be there too? brickmaster: what if she wants to hang out with us

ynshere: don't know El ynshere: she’ll definitely be there ynshere: you don't want her around?

brickmaster: i mean, i don't know brickmaster: i don't wanna be a prick

ynshere: you are a prick ynshere: just tell her you're not interested

brickmaster: yeah i think i will brickmaster: or i could just avoid her, she’ll get the hint, right?

ynshere: or you could just tell her ynshere: why so scared?

brickmaster: i just don't wanna be mean and hurt her i guess brickmaster: but it's whatever. i'll tell her i don't like her that way brickmaster: it's better than leading her on

ynshere: mhm ynshere: look at you being mature

brickmaster: shut up brickmaster: shit, Dina’s here brickmaster: see you soon?

ynshere: see you soon ;)

brickmaster: oh look you just did it again

ynshere is away. brickmaster: of course you'd do that. brickmaster is away.

¡! daily click・palestine masterpost・do not buy any game from naughty dog, neil druckmann is a zionist・more daily clicks. ¡!

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lusidraws · 9 months ago

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Hayley Williams in the Burning Down the House video is my roman empire

#hayley williams #digital art #illustration #talking heads #80s #orange #paramore #burning down the house #80s music

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venuzasmuse · 5 months ago

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𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄, 𝐞. 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬

[rockstar!ellie au, best friend’s sister!ellie, kinda mean!ellie (for a few parts of the story)]

warnings: reader is afab, not proofread, ANGST, ANGST, AND MORE ANGST, mentions of heavy themes of substance abuse (drugs), ellie is lowkey a dick in this story lol, smut & fluff in later parts, SLOW BURN. POC FRIENDLY! minors & men don’t interact.

parts:

prologue: read this

one: click here

the holidays were supposed to be festive—full of cheesy tearjerker hallmark movies, a hot chocolate filled aroma, gingerbread houses that took up too much of your time to make, and an obnoxious amount of "holy nights" being sung in the pews of a church.

or even emotional long hauls back home if you were blessed enough to have one to go back to.

the holidays- especially christmas- is a time where even the moviegoers were granted 'awes' as families reconciled on a big screen.

yet, you haven't celebrated a christmas in the span of 2 years ever since you drafted yourself away for college.

it wasn't because you were deadbeat or were escaping for any given reason. no, you still regularly keep in touch with your parents but after you left for college, they decided to leave behind the mundane lifestyle they've had since moving to the middle of bumbfuck nowhere.

your hometown is just below austin, texas, but still far enough where the only things you saw to even get to the nearest walmart, were "has anyone else died for you?" billboards and a plethora of dollar generals at the end of every street.

it was reasonable for them to leave given there wasn't much keeping them in the first place but unluckily for you, it led you to every christmas since then spent alone in your dorm room.

you never really minded.

it ate away at you for the first few days during your first holiday away from home but eventually you grew accustomed to sitting with your solitude.

it also helped that you were rooming with a random who never was home enough to question why you were still on campus when she arrived after the break.

but once you began rooming with sarah, spending another "blue christmas", as she calls it, by yourself was nowhere in alignment in her thesaurus of plans.

she left no room for debate as she coerced you into going back home with her for the holidays.

you were completely against it at first and as you sat passenger seat of her handed down ford bronco, you still wondered if you'd be able to escape at all.

the idea of stop, drop, and rolling out the door tempting you with every passing entrance sign.

you weren't opposed to the idea because you just simply didn't want to go. in fact, if the circumstances were different, it would've appealed to you in every which way because the two of you grew up together: two blocks away from each other's houses.

ever since the two of you met in eighth grade when she had just moved due to her dad, joel's nasty divorce, y'all were practically joined at the hip. ya'll navigated through the most angsty parts of an all girl’s catholic school together and that included the insufferable amount of times spent at each other's houses.

you were around so much, joel even started to question if you had a house to go home to.

so, it wasn't the fear of overstaying your welcome during the break that made you resistant to the invitation. life simply didn't come that easy for you.

it was because of her sister, ellie.

where there was a sarah, resided an ellie and there was no duo without a trio first.

you could almost recount the day you first met ellie. every minuscule detail still etched into the surface of your mind. she had long, uneven auburn hair that she ended up cutting herself.

it sat funny on her shoulders and she shot you a toothy, power chained grin every time the two of you made eye contact because she just so happened to do something that once again, perpetually got her another weekly.

she had a tomboyish charm and you knew then at the brutal age of 14, you were in for it. your crush worsened when you found out sarah was her sister. they looked nothing alike so it caught you off guard completely.

you were spending the night for the first time and y’all talked for hours the moment sarah fell asleep. ellie took the chance to sneak up on you, due to sarah’s inability to shoo her away from her best friend because she hated sharing you.

you learned that her favorite dinosaur was the dimetrodon and she wanted to play the electric guitarist in a band whenever the stars aligned her to.

ellie stuck around and the friendship between the two of you inevitably brew leading to a puppy love, slow burn relationship that flowed into your senior year.

but good things never lasted because every high has its lows and with ellie, the lows seemed to outweigh the good.

the two of you were going strong for a while. ya’ll were as in love as two clueless kids could be and your thoughts were set in stone that nobody or nothing could’ve taken ellie away from you. your ellie.

you were so sure that the two of you even planned to move out together after graduation. ya’ll didn’t have the slightest clue what ya’ll were going to do.

maybe ride up to seattle and get a cozy studio apartment that fit the two of you just right and maybe even get a cat too. a ragdoll cat, specifically.

being two broke teens with big dreams, ellie ended up snagging a job at the local vinyl shop. everything was perfect. ya’ll were perfect.

then, just as you reached the highest peak, you felt the firmament above your head shatter, shooting you down back into the earth’s core.

2 months into her seemingly great job, she met catherine- or cat, as the two of you called her. cat was the ideal cool girl. she was littered with tattoos she did herself and played in a garage band with her friends every saturday.

she seemed so… ellie. at first, you brushed it all off. you met cat when you attended an underground show her band hosted, because she invited the two of you come watch them perform.

it was a no doubt that they were amazing. the crowd went wild for them and for the first time when you looked at ellie, you witnessed a sense of sureness written over her features. she wanted to be on that stage with them. it was everything she ever dreamed of.

the crowds, the sense of belonging, everything about it was just so ellie.

but then as time passed, ellie began spending more time with cat. you wanted to be a cool girl about it and not come off too strong, or insecure. so you let it go. that was until you barely began to even see your girlfriend because she was spending time with cat and her band.

some days, you wouldn’t even find out why she wasn’t returning your texts, until after she got home from being with them.

you grew tired and fights began to subdue. eventually, ellie grew mean and you grew passive and angry. unheard.

but it was only because you were afraid of losing her. she was your ellie and the thought of that ever changing set a flame in the pit of your stomach like nothing ever did.

because of a lack of reassurance the flame didn’t wane down. it grew and grew, shooting embers until everything the two of you built went crashing down into a pile of ash.

you knew that your ellie, held no recognition in your heart anymore. the ellie you grew to know was cruel and left without a trace led back to her.

tags: @bready101

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hunnylagoon · 10 months ago

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Right Where You Left Me

Pt1: Coming Down With Me

Ellie Williams x reader

I once met a girl with skin like kiwi. Even the butterflies were drawn to her, landing on the top of her nose, the dip in her palm. But the kiwi stung my tongue, scarred my lips and made me bleed. I do not care. Cover me in your kiwi kisses, burn my mouth and scar my flesh. Bleach my eyes and dip my heart in lemon juice. Sing your sickly sweet words until my ears bleed.

Premise: You and Ellie were childhood best friends until you grew up. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find their way back to each other.

Warnings: Angst / reader has religious issues / people are mean lol / best friends to enemies to lovers / roommate! Ellie

Part two here!

Part three here!

Part four here!

I know everything about you,

You know everything about me.

I had always been bound to the earth while Ellie danced with the stars in the night sky among delusion and dreams. Though, more so than anything, we were bound to one another.

Our parents were friends, even before we were born. They met at summer camp when they were teenagers, the same camp that Ellie and I were eventually shipped off to every summer. Of course, I have no recollection of when I was an infant, only stories that my parents shared with me; My dad told me that I learned to crawl backwards before I learned to crawl forwards. Joel kept a photo album of his girl.

I can't remember days of crawling around and babbling incoherently, but I can tell you what I remember.

Five years old- Kindergarten

Despite the air being unbearable hot, it was infused with excitement as Ellie and me set foot in the petting zoo. I had never seen so many animals in one place, my little brain was going nuts. Accompanied by the gentle hum of content animals, the aroma of straw, and the distant melody of joyful chatter, the petting zoo rang true to its rustic charm.

Ellie, with her auburn curls bouncing in the breeze, led the way, her eyes widened at the sight of a fluffy alpaca lazily grazing in the sunshine. I giggled as we approached a pen filled with adorable piglets, their tiny snouts sniffing the pure air far away from the dirty stench of the city.

Our parents, watching with affectionate smiles, guided us to the lamb enclosure where soft, woolly creatures nuzzled against tiny palms. Ellie's fingers gently traced the contours of a lamb's ear, and she couldn't resist a delighted squeal as she felt the velvety nose of a goat.

As the afternoon sun cast a warm glow on the scene, the families strolled through the meandering paths, passing by a pond where ducks quacked merrily. Ellie and I, hand in loveable hand, marvelled at the wonders of the animal kingdom, our hearts brimming with the pure joy of discovery and a blooming friendship.

Seven years old- Grade Two

On this particular day, Ellie and I had been messing around in her backyard; that's all we did on the weekends at that age, you couldn't get us to go inside. We spent the morning entwined in daffodils and hyacinth that Joel has so tenderly nurtured, careful not to crush the dainty flowers beneath our wild flailing bodies.

We had the brilliant idea to paint rocks so we had been searching her yard for the perfect flat stones we had in mind. Ellie picked up a rock and immediately threw it back down, jumping away with a shriek.

This had piqued my curiosity (As well as Joels who sat on the back porch, watching us), I went over to where she stood petrified and found nothing more than a little snake staring up at her. I dropped the stones I had been carrying and bent over to get a better look at it, it was brown and had a few white vertical stripes cascading up its thin body.

I slowly moved my hand outwards to touch but was swiftly interrupted by Joel scooping me up "That's enough of that kiddo."

Nine years old- Grade Four

Joel's house garnered an expansive backyard and just past the old fence that Ellie and I had thrown one too many softballs at was a lush forest. I would always clamour up the wood fence and poke my little head over it to try and gather a glimpse of wildlife, Ellie usually had to give me a little boost. "Hold still!" She hissed with her arms wrapped around my torso to help lift me, my scrawny arms shook as I tried to pull myself up even further.

The wood rot of the ancient fence finally set in and with the both of us pressing our mighty weight against it collapsed with the fence. We heard the splitting of wood, I got the worst end of the stick, toppling over and putting my hands out to protect myself. I could've sworn that I heard my wrist break like a crunch.

While I did what felt like a three-sixty frontflip over the fence just for my small head to come down on the end of it with a solid smack, Ellie had just flopped on top of it, green eyes widening in shock when she saw my once straight arm now had an abnormal bump coming out from my wrist. "What's wrong with your hand?"

"I don't know I'm probably dying!" I screamed as loud as my voice could carry, that was the first time I had felt adrenaline run through my veins. "You killed me!"

"No, I didn't!" She retorted, scrambling off the fence and back up to her feet. She was clad in a Jurassic Park T-shirt that she practically was swimming in and those pink and orange plaid Bermuda shorts that any kid in the 2000s owned. "Dad!" Ellie yelled, calling for Joel.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and finally, I released the sob that had been building up in my throat. She was almost dumbstruck and just ended up kneeling and wrapping her arms around me in a hug.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." She muttered.

10 years old- Grade Five

Ellie had been practicing guitar the entire time I was at her house, Joel had gifted her his old guitar and she was so set on perfecting every cord, every half-hour she would ask for a song recommendation and then flip through the songbook she got to find it.

I was curled up in her bed reading The Hunger Games over again "Els, are you team Peeta or Gale?" I was always at Ellie's house, mine was too busy all the time; I had three siblings, Naomi and Aaron who were twins and two years younger than me and my brother Elijah who was three years older than me. I loved going to her house on Saturdays so I could sleep in and wriggle my way out of going to church. Even though her house was right across the street from mine and my parents would bang on Joel's door, he always covered for me.

"Uh," She was distracted by something in her songbook "Team Katniss?"

I nod in approval to myself as she isn't paying attention "You know who Gale reminds me of?" I ask and without Ellie giving me a response I answer anyway "Luke, I think I kind of like him."

Those are the words that get her to look at me "Ew, he's so weird."

"He's nice to me."

She wrinkles her nose in distaste then shrugs, returning to her guitar which sits awardly in her scrawny frame.

12 years old- Grade Seven

"Fuck!" I yell, kicking the grimy green dumpster in the graffiti-covered ally out of anger, though I kicked it a little too hard now my foot hurts I refuse to admit it "Fuck I hate them!"

Ellie leans against the brick wall on the opposite side of the alley, our bikes discarded on the ground while I hopelessly rant to my friend about my parents. She doesn't say much, just little nods of agreement. My parents had caught me skipping church and they laid into me, saying that I had no respect for them or god and whether that was true or not didn't matter, I was full of pre-teen angst and needed to call my friend to go for a bike ride around town.

"She fucking tore my room apart, I never see them get mad at Aaron or Naomi!" I drag my hands down my face before I look back at the dumpster and kick it again "Ow, cunt!" I'm now hopping on one foot while my knee bends my other leg and I hold my beaten red Converse, covered in doodles, to soothe the pain of my poor toes. It's moments like this that remind me why I love Ellie, because as stupid as I look hobbling around and cussing, she doesn't laugh at me even though I know she wants to.

After a little bit of me aimlessly yelling I finally wind down. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to remember those breathing exercises that we were taught at school assemblies. "Thanks for listening to me talk shit, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," She shrugs "I've seen you do worse."

This cracks a smile on my face, I turn my head and am met with the Jackson skyline, a beautiful pink sunset on the horizon "Sun's setting," I say.

"Sleepover?" Ellie asks.

"Sleepover," I confirm.

13 years old- Grade Eight

We were thirteen when our parents shoved cash into our hands and dropped us at the mall to go back to school shopping by ourselves for the first time. Every parent's nightmare was a busy mall so when they figured us old enough to venture into the dreaded foodcourt on our own, believed they were taking that opportunity.

Ellie had bought a couple of T-shirts and hoodies here and there, not too particular about what she was buying, though I was very nit-picky over what I wore so I forced Ellie to judge every single outfit that I wore and rate it, she gave the same answer every single time "It looks fine."

"Cool but I don't wanna look fine, I wanna look pretty," I say in frustration, walking back into the dressing room to try on another outfit. Ellie is sitting in the fitting room on a pink velvet couch, arms crossed and waiting for me to finish. "How's this?" I ask, walking out of the changing stall and giving her a little twirl.

"It looks fine- I mean good, everything looks good on you." She sounds almost exasperated. Ellie's hair was still that vibrant auburn colour that my mother was obsessed with, it had yet to fade out into a duller brown with age.

"Really?" I perk up just the slightest.

"Yeah, you look really pretty." She gives me a little nod of confirmation. I know that she's only saying that because she wants to go to the food court and get a cinnamon bun but I believe her anyway.

14 years old- Grade Nine

We were just nearing the end of the second half of our soccer game. It was the tournament and we were only a point away from placing first in the league, the thought of it had kept me up all week I was running off of Subway sandwiches and Gatorade.

Riley (the midfielder) swiftly passed the ball to me before she was surrounded by the other team's defence, I looked up to the clock and there were only seconds left in the match. I let my instincts take over, my parents forcing me into soccer since elementary school was not going to wind up useless. My footwork took me up the right wing just before the penalty box.

I wasn't paying enough attention to notice the tall blonde girl in a slick back ponytail closing in on me. I hear Ellie shout my name and that's all I need to make this last pass, I barely even looked up before power-driving the ball to Ellie who was merely six metres away from me. I slipped onto the muddied field with that kick, watching Ellie waste no time to score our final goal the second her cleat touched the ball.

The clock deadlocks and I drag myself off the ground running towards my best friend, I jump on her almost taking her down with me though she manages to steady herself. "I fucking love you!" I scream hugging her with all of the force I can muster. She hugs me in return, unable to get any words out between her laughs. The team is quick to swarm us, everyone is shouting about our well-deserved victory but not one person is louder than Joel in the stands.

15 years old- Grade Ten

Snow was falling as I stood in the foyer of the high school, still waiting for my date for the winter formal to arrive. Conner had asked me out weeks ago, we hadn't talked much since though I just figured that was because he was shy. I even left school early to get ready and spent hours meticulously pinning every hair into place and adjusting my navy blue satin dress so it would drape across my body in just the right way.

My sister, Naomi was an aspiring makeup artist so I let her dust my eyelids in silver glitter, I forced Warren to drive me. All of that was just for me to get stood up. Conner hadn't texted me all day, I knew he wasn't coming that didn't stop me from forcing denial on myself. "Hey," I heard a soft voice sound behind me, I wasn't surprised to see Ellie. Even though our parents were no longer friends, we were close as ever.

"Hi," My voice was hushed and feeble.

"The dance started an hour ago," She said, that night she had been wearing a white button-up with a pair of jeans and her hair half up. It was clear the dance wasn't as big a deal to her as it was to me. All she had done was ask Riley to go with her and call it a day. Despite her lack of effort, she looks beautiful as ever "I don't think he's coming," She said bluntly.

That's the exact moment I felt myself crack, tears welled up in my eyes and I lurched forward to hug her, flailing my arms helplessly to search for comfort "Then why did he ask me to go with him?" My sobs were drowned out by the sound of Kesha blasting in the overcrowded gym.

"I don't know, but he's an idiot for standing you up," Ellie holds me close and I never want her to let go "I wouldn't have ever done that to you."

16 years old- Grade Eleven

This is where things begin to fall apart. I found Ellie on the back porch of some random guy's house at a party. "I figured I would find you out here," I say, taking a seat next to her on the wooden steps, I hug my knees close to my chest.

"What's up?" Beside me, Ellie is unnervingly calm, she nurses a joint, taking a long hit and letting the smoke turn to clouds.

"Conner kissed me," I say cutting to the chase

I can tell she doesn't like the thought, she hated Conner, ever since he stood me up at the winter formal but she bites her tongue "You guys gonna date?"

"I think so."

"Good for you."

"I don't know if I liked it," My eyebrows are furrowed, and I pull my knees in even further, inhaling the crisp autumn air and the smell of Ellie, she smells like cannabis, firewood and bar soap.

"What do you mean?" Ellie puts out the end of her joint and tucks what remains of it into an empty Altoids container.

"Nothing," I dismiss it, "It doesn't matter, I just wanted to talk to you," Ellie had softened every burden for me since we were girls. "Um, so, my parents are sending me to boarding school next year."

"No, they're not-

"They are."

Ellie doesn't seem so calm anymore, she adjusts her body to face mine and she's so close I swear to god I could've counted every freckle on her face. "Why, what did you do?" The way she looks at me makes me wish that she was a boy.

"Nothing!" I retort "They think I'm straying from god, it's a Christian school." That was my code for 'they think I have a crush on you and I rather not get disowned by my super religious parents!'

"come stay with me and Joel-

"Ellie, please," I place a hand on her thigh "I don't think I can get away from this one."

That was at the end of September, it only got worse from there. I partially wished that I didn't tell Ellie that I had to leave, every time we hung out it just felt like words were hanging between us like birds on a wire and neither of us could say what we wanted. I forced myself to distance myself from her, I didn't know how else to handle my feelings.

She would blow up my phone and come by my house even visit my work but I just told her that I was busy. I could tell that she didn't believe my excuses for a second, she had English with my new boyfriend, Conner and would get him to relay messages and notes to me.

It didn't get easier to ignore her, my family prying about where she had been. I never told my parents that Ellie was gay, though I know they had always had a suspicion and that's why they could never love her all the way completely, the way Joel loved me and looked out for me. My mom and dad liked that I swapped out Ellie for Conner, by February, my dad even started to call him son.

In March Ellie and I had stopped talking completely, she gave up on texting me and coming by my house just for my siblings to lie about my whereabouts. It hurt to see the resentment gleam in her eye every time she passed me in the hallway.

She didn't speak a word to me until the start of the summer bonfire which was custom in our town. If I had known she would be there I never even would have thought about going. I rather not rehash this awful night, not right now just know that it ended with some alcohol, a bit of blood in the sand and me telling Ellie 'I would pick him over you every single time.' Yikes, that's not a good look for me. I spent the rest of my summer burying her in the back of my mind until boarding school finally came upon me and I graduated with friends I didn't like in a place that didn't feel like home.

I was sixteen then now I'm nineteen, no longer a girl but not yet a woman. Those were some key moments of our friendship. I'm not so sure why I felt so mature at the age of sixteen. I had taken a gap year and loved every minute of it, I backpacked in Australia, worked as a camp counsellor in the summer then left to work at a turtle conservatory in Bali, I was making pennies but the experience was worth it.

I arrived at my new home sunkissed with Ellie far in the back of my mind. I didn't know much about who I would be rooming with, I had only spoken to Dina over a Zoom call who was a friendly girl with warm eyes and ink-black hair spilling over her shoulders. I just prayed that none of them were Craigslist killers.

It took me entirely too long to find parking, when I finally did, I grabbed two of my suitcases, unable to hold anything else, the rest of the boxes jammed into my car would have to wait. I read over the text that Dina sent me what seemed to be a million times to make sure I had the right address. It was a small-ish one-story flat with brown walls that had white accents along corners and the doorway with a wood-panelled gable roof. As far as college housing went, I was happy. It looked like something I would've made in the Sims when I was a teenager.

I walk to the front door, the entrance is framed by intricately carved moulding, its details telling a story of craftsmanship and tradition. The wood, polished to a warm, inviting glow, exudes a sense of richness and history. I knocked on the door and heard a voice shouting that she would get it.

The door swings open and I'm met face to face with Dina "Hey!" She smiled "It's nice to meet you, I think you'll like it here," She held the door wide open, motioning for me to go in, and I obliged. "Let me give you a tour." Dina is clad in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and her hair has been pulled back into a messy ponytail.

The layout of the house seemed somewhat odd to me, there was a corridor straight ahead when you walked in, the first room was the laundry room and contained the washer and dryer with some hampers and shelves of detergent and laundry freshener. "This is the laundry room, we have a wash schedule along with a chore schedule so we will put you on that tonight," Dina told me, I just nodded politely in response feeling a little too awkward and out of place to say anything.

"Alright so this is the kitchen, there's a half bathroom beside it," She says, swinging her arms wide open for exaggeration I can see the chore chart hanging on the walls, it's written in chalk, and it is the laundry schedule. There are little laminated tags with each person's name on them, though I can't quite make out the names from where I am standing. The fridge is covered in postcards, magazine cutouts, polaroids, and bright magnets of papayas and flowers, I automatically assumed this was Dina despite not knowing the other roommates. The kitchen is open with no walls to hide it, the oven and dishwasher are built into counters against the walls as well as the sink which i spotless at the moment, there isn't a dining table but a kitchen island with stools. Past the island you can see the living room, there are two grey couches with decorative pillows and fuzzy throw blankets, a coffee table that looked handcrafted with care and of course a TV.

Have I mentioned there are plants everywhere? Like everywhere. "Okay, so," Dina keeps on moving and I trail behind with my suitcases, over there is my room and Cat's and Abby's," She points to the left of the living room where there is a short hallway with three doors, one on each wall of it. "There's Cat now," She waves at her roommate.

Cat is relatively tall, she has black hair that's tied into a bun, and she's wearing plaid pyjama pants and a black tank top, I can see her abundance of tattoos. She has one sleeve of laurel cascading up her arm and the other is patchwork done right, each separate piece blends almost seamlessly into the next. "I like your tattoos," I say, not wanting to sit in any more silence.

She grins at me "Thanks, love," I nod in response to her, Cat looks down at the suitcases that I'm lugging around "Dina, take this poor girl to her room already."

"I was just getting there," Dina teases and motions for me to follow her "So over here is the bathroom and of course your room, I left your copy of the house key on your mattress," She opens it up. The bedroom is completely blank aside from the boxed bedframe, shelf, vanity and mattress that I had to send over prior. There's a built-in closet in the wall.

I put my suitcases on the ground "I'm gonna grab the rest of my stuff from my car," I offer up a tight-lipped smile.

"Wait a second," She takes my hand and then knocks on the bedroom door parallel to mine. "I'm coming in!" Dina announces pushing the door open, there's a brunette girl hunched over her desk. My breath hitches in my throat when she turns around "This is Ellie."

I can see the panic that momentarily takes over Ellie when she spots me before it's replaced by a false coolness, "Hey," She says before turning back to her laptop and putting her headphones back on. It felt like my heart had shut down, why the fuck did I sign the lease?

"Sorry," Dina shuts Ellie's door "She's not the friendliest of the bunch but she'll warm up to you eventually," Dina walks to the front door with you Abby should be around here somewhere."

I had gotten so frustrated trying to set up my bed frame that I sheepishly left my room and asked for help, god bless Abby. She was putting everything together so easily, I watched her in awe as she finished adding the final screw to my bedframe. "Want help setting up the mattress?"

"Yes, please," I say, I grab one end of the mattress while Abby gets the other, she tells me to lift on three and I listen, she carries the majority of the weight but it still feels like an accomplishment on my part. "So does everyone here go to Northridge?"

"Yeah, except for Cat, she's a tattoo apprentice."

"Cool, cool," I search for words, "What are you majoring in?"

"Kinesiology," It makes sense, I could've called that by looking at the fit gym rat who was now sitting on my bed. "You?"

"Wildlife biology,"

"So you like animals and conservation and stuff?"

"Mhm," I nod "It's honestly kind of hard to not have any animals in my life." I was missing all my pets back home, when I wasn't with them I was working at a conservatory or at a summer camp where I took care of all of the horses, and Ellie's dog, Achilles.

"You'll get used to it, living with Dina is the same thing as living with an animal," She smiles and for the first time, I feel comfortable. Abby watching me with her blue eyes as I begin to unpack my abundance of boxes, I kind of just dump everything onto the ground because I can't remember which box has what, the first thing I search for are my coat hangers. I dump out a box with a bible, wall cross, and rosery and golden cross necklace from a box of random knickknacks. "You religious?"

"Kind of?" I question it myself "Not really, it's just my family, I packed that stuff to make my mom happy."

Abby nods "I get it."

"You do?"

She backtracks "No, but I can try to."

I shake my head, "I wouldn't try if I were you, I spent nineteen years trying to get away from it." I was sure other Christian homes were healthy but mine wasn't one of them, the way my parents obsessed over Jesus was honestly frightening.

"Hey, do you wanna come watch a movie when your done unpacking?" Abby asked, "Get to know your new roommates a little better."

I don't entirely want to, I wasn't ready to talk to Ellie. I still hadn't wrapped my head around the fact that I was living with her and that she was pretending she didn't know me, despite this, my words betrayed me "For sure."

I sat on one of the couches beside Abby, I made myself as small as I could, thinking that maybe I could make myself disappear. Cat and Ellie crammed themselves on the other while Dina took the plush armchair. I felt so out of place everyone here had relationships, I had one with Ellie before I severed it 'Grown Ups' was playing on the flatscreen though it seemed I was the only one paying attention.

The four girls all laughed and talked their way through the movie, Abby, Cat, and Dina would ask me a question here and there but I didn't know them well enough to pitch in. I kept telling myself that I needed to push through, if Spiderman could do it, so could I.

I didn't even finish the movie, halfway through I excused myself saying I was tired which wasn't necessarily a lie. It was difficult to fathom how well Ellie was playing it off, acting like she never met me. I walk into the bathroom, clean towel in hand, ready to scrub off the stress of today. Beside the mirror, I see a cardstock poster decorated with bright markers and doodles.

HOUSE RULES

#1 No underwear left in the bathroom

#2 Wash your dishes

#3 Break it? Tell Abby

#4 No smoking inside

#5 Privates are private!

#6 Pls don't drink and drive (We have a couch)

#7 Give your beloved roommates a heads up before having someone over

#8 This is a residence of women so the seat goes down!!!

#9 Respect the bedrooms

#10 Having sex? Keep it quiet

#11 NO DRAMA!!!!!!!!

#12 Follow chore and wash chart

#13 Don't eat what's not yours! (Without asking)

I finish reading the last bit and mutter to myself "Wasn't planning on it." I run the water so hot that it feels cold and I'm quick to not use all of the hot water and have my roommates hate me on my first night here. Everyone has their little drawers in the bathroom, mine is empty aside from some floss and cotton pads that the girl before me left behind. I make a mental note to make use of my bathroom drawer tomorrow and fill it with makeup remover or conditioner, or something like that.

Brushing my teeth and wrapping myself in a strawberry towel that I had purchased at a craft fair, I open the bathroom door, I can see the light of the TV and the sound of chatter from the living room. However, I ignore it and make a B-line to my bedroom. Even though I had spent hours unpacking and pinning up posters it still didn't seem homey.

I slip into shorts and a t-shirt, leaving my hair as is and throw myself onto my bed. My towel is discarded onto my bathroom floor. When I turn on my phone I am bombarded my messages from my parents, my mother has probably sent me twelve Google pins to the closest churches, I answer her with a thumb-up emoji and settle into my bed to scroll through social media and see how much fun all of my friends are having.

Fucking Ellie. She's plaguing my thoughts, I think of what I said to her and it makes me cringe, I want to smother myself with my satin pillow. I don't even have food to eat, grocery shopping wasn't something that I put on my priority list and right about now I was but Ellie, god, why was I such a dick? Because I didn't know what else to do- whatever, I was a scared teenager. What would you have done? Probably kiss her you lesbo.

Lord, it makes me sick to think about what could've been.

15 years old- Grade Ten

Ellie and I were sitting at a fire pit at her uncle Tommy's lake house. It was a Fourth of July party except we were the only teenagers there; everyone else was friends of Tommy and Maria or some distant relatives of Ellie's or children of said people.

After five years of practicing day and night, Ellie had just about mastered the acoustic guitar, she played and I sang, wrapped up in her flannel, I was tucked close next to her.

She struck every cord perfectly and I began to sing absentmindedly, the song that had been carved into my brain. Ellie looked so insanely beautiful illuminated only by fire and the stars that hung in the sky, if it hadn't been a sin I would've kissed her.

Talking to her felt as holy as praying to god but I knew it was as sinful as worshipping the devil.

If it was so wrong why was I born in God's image?

Her gentle hand strummed on the chords of the guitar, the same calloused hand that had once turned water into wine. Her laughter was the sound of a church choir

I wish I told her how much I liked her but what would've happened if I did? What would my parents think, they would kill me.

Part of me didn't care how my parents would react, if I spoke up, I could say goodbye to my inheritance and having college paid for. Maybe that was an unfair assumption to make on my part. Ugh. FUCK, I don't know, let's get to the next part of the story.

I couldn't sleep that night, I thought maybe a glass of water would soothe me, well I didn't really think that but I was hungry and thirsty and water was the only thing in that house I had the right to ingest. I figured that I could fill myself with water and zip to Denny's in the morning then grab some groceries.

Poking my head out of my door, I checked to see if anyone was still awake before gingerly taking hushed steps towards the kitchen, I was trying to be as light as Thumbelina. I hadn't noticed Ellie bumming on the couch, scrolling through her phone.

"You cooking all of that non-existent food you brought?" She jeered. Oh, now she wanted to talk to me.

"I was gonna have some warm water soup for dinner and chew on pistachio shells from the cup holder in my car for dessert," I answer "I'm treating myself tonight." She didn't think it was funny at all, a few years ago she would've been cackling at my subpar joke, but now she just seemed unamused. "Sheesh, tough crowd."

She stays silent.

"You used to think I was funny," I say.

"I also used to think the tooth fairy was real."

"Harsh," I mutter. Turning the tap on and sticking a finger underneath it to test the temperature. I put my hummingbird mug underneath it and let it fill. "Hey, Ellie," She doesn't answer "Have you told them any bad things about me?"

She nearly scoffs "No, believe it or not, I don't talk about you, I don't even think about you," There's venom in her voice "You haven't crossed my mind since you walked through that door."

"Why are you pretending you don't know me-

"Because I don't fucking like you," She says it like it's so obvious and it honestly is in this moment "Just because you're pretty and you act like a sweet little Christain girl, that doesn't mean shit."

"I'm not trying to act like anything-

"Yeah, well it seems pretty insincere to me," Ellie seethed and I could feel a sting in my heart, I would do some pretty horrendous things for a time machine right about now. I can tell that there won't be any salvaging for this, she hates me to death and rightfully so.

This is where I give up "Okay, sorry," I grab my hummingbird mug and retreat to my room.

I endured four months of that.

Ellie was pushed to the back of my mind while I ran through classes and got a job as a waitress at a stake house. I did everything in my power to keep myself busy, to keep her out of my head but she was always there, she hung around like a song I can't shake, like I'm haunted by the melody.

Some nights when the city decides to quiet down I can hear her play guitar, and I'll quietly hum along to it. Songs she used to sing for me, she now sings for another woman, another soul. I knew that she had girls over, but I never got to meet them as Ellie did everything in her power to pretend I didn't exist.

The only communication I got with her was in the roommate's group chat, and it was always brief.

Ellie: Having a friend over tomorrow night

D-manz: Friend? With benefits??????????

Kit-Cat: Nah they're hardly even friends, just benefits

Abs: Don't get her pregnant

Me: 👍

As long as I was with the girls, Ellie was not. She avoided me like the plague, it was like she despised my existence. If we go clubbing, she takes a separate taxi, petty if you ask me. The girls knew something happened between us but they couldn't pinpoint what it was. It was Dina's conspiracy that Ellie used to date one of my friends and broke her heart. While I bonded with Cat, Dina, and Abby, Ellie would pretend to like me. She would occasionally laugh at my jokes or ask how my shift was when Dina was in the room.

Trust me when I say I would rather forget than dwell on it but it was impossible. I know that I'm nothing more than an obstacle to her, a stain on her bedsheets, a sore in her mouth, but she was still my diamond in the rough. I will willingly ignore all of her cutthroat words and her jagged edges.

Because I know everything about us.

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