#btw most of that means nothing to me
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i was wondering what your pc specs are?idk if this counts as a wcif, apologies if it does!!
hi, not a bother at all!
i have an acer predator triton 300 (not the exact one pictured, mine is ever so slightly different)
intel i7-10750H core
nvidia geforce gtx 1660ti 6gb
16gb ram
#btw most of that means nothing to me#idk anything about computers#you might as well be speaking to me in another language#hope that helps you though#ask
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some of the less nice thoughts about being aroace
extras below the cut
sketch
closeups on my favorite panels
bonus: adios
#doodles#kingdom hearts#roxas#axel#olette#aromantic#asexual#aroace#do i tag pence. hes in the background of one panel#ehhhh sorry pence no tag for you#also not tagging soriku and namixi#i mean by the logic of 'theyre in one panel so i wont tag them' i also shouldnt tag axel but. he has dialogue so#anyways i have a very irrational love of olette whenever i need a random side character in a kh comic? olette#i think she uses webmd. anyways im done talking about olette#so let me clarify about this comic#im aroace. this is all just things ive thought before#im not saying in any way these thoughts are real. theyre just thoughts#thats why it ends with 'but there isnt. its just me.' there IS nothing wrong with being aroace. even if it feels like it sometimes#im not trying to send a message im just trying to express a feeling ive had for a while#anyways. the aroace community is super positive and i like that. but not everything i feel about it is that positive#sometimes it feels like im missing something yknow#this comic seems like its about roxas. but its about me. congrats youve been fooled#drafted something similar to this for aro week but didnt finish it in time so this is spiritually part of asaw 2024#btw sorry im not posting as many drawings lately#schools kinda stressful im pretty tired and busy most the time#i am throwing this drawing to you like a slab of meat to a pack of hungry dogs. take this meager ration in these trying times#alright i think thats it bye now
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mouthwashing fans will be like *fat phobia towards a man who suffered from alcoholism* *makes fun of real life sa/csa with diddy jokes* *pro life misogyny in the guise of pro choice feminism* *ableist towards people with psychosis* *ableist towards people with physical disabilities* *ableist towards p
#i am. so tired#every goddamn time#granted most of yall are kids but like. cmon now. have some more social awareness#the ones that piss me off the most are the ‘’’j diddy’’’ jokes and also when people are like#‘’’omggg swansea looks more pregnant than anya 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣’’’#like you guys can Not be fucking serious#mouthwashing#into the microphone#i know my opinion means nothing btw and i don’t except change over my silly little tumblr post but i just Really.#needed to get this off my chest#i hate you all. such a beautiful beautiful fucking game ruined by fandom culture#many such cases
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The more I think about it the more unfair it feels that Zenos dies at the end of this. I'm like.....7-10? Quests away from "endwalker" and there is so much we don't know. Why did he dream of the end of Amaurot? Emet-selch experimented on him - why was that never touched upon again once it had been mentioned? What did he do? Why? Zenos can teleport???? Switch bodies? What was all that even for? Zenos yae galvus youre making me insane and I'm tearing my hair out of my head
#like did I MISS SOMETHING? Is there a quest chain I've missed doing?????????#He's so good but if these things are not explained at least in part I'll be so disappointed.#and i most definitely don't see zenos doing a lore dump about himself (i love his monologuing but that would be so fucking boring)#agnes ffxiv adventures#Zenos yae Galvus#endwalker spoilers#let me explain myself btw a zenos lore dumb from zenos mouth would not be boring all in itself!#( tbh id love nothing more than more zenos pov - he would be such an interesting character to hear the inner monologues of.)#HOWEVER!!:#what I mean is that if that's all we'd be getting...#...I'd be sorely disappointed#( for the first time while playing this game. There have been story beats that have made me sigh but nothing's been disappointing. )#( like genuine soul crushing levels of disappointment because he's a central character and he deserves that much - and i'd expect more -#from the writers who really seem to care. But If you don't respect your characters what kinda story are you writing in the first place?)#TLDR shut up Agnes: I expect more from the writers and it would be such a let down to be left hanging like this.#Zenos
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New maxiel prompt/fic?
I’ve been thinking about teen!maxiel for a long time now, I think this is slightly overdue…
So guess what? I’m starting a farmer teen!daniel and music genius!max high school band!maxiel fic which I really hope I’ll be able to truly start before the end of the year (‘which could mean nothing’ is taking my whole life I swear, and let’s not even talk of work 😪)
I’ll share my notes app cause it’s so funny to me how I’m unable to write anywhere but there (55k of ‘which could mean nothing’ is making it lag poor notes app) so there u go! Enjoy
Lots of love and I hope I’ll be able to deliver what could either be a 12k words one shot of this or a 200k words, 50 chapters monster 🫣
Let me know your thoughts about this!
Prompt:
Ideas/scenes/dynamics:
(Very sorry for the way the notes are written btw, this is purely me going feral over this idea and not being able to be normal about teen maxiel)
#this is me being not normal about maxiel like ever#I have about a million ideas to incorporate in this fic#I’ve only given you some not to spoil too much#this won’t slow down which could mean nothing btw!!#this will most likely be a (kinda) long one shot!!#which I have never written but here goes nothing#if this comes out before June 2025 i am blessed#Farmer!daniel can save me#maxiel#daniel ricciardo#max verstappen#maxiel fic#ao3 fanfic#ao3 writer#ao3#writing prompt#max/daniel#teen!maxiel
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!!!!! Nan-Euclidean Non Elmoth please! What's my special little guy doing to goldilocks!
While Laurefindelë casually boils alive about that, Maeglin takes three steps past him and - opens a window. A window in a wall Laurefindelë went over about twelve times trying to see if there was an exit he’d missed. He knows the shape of the picture frames that hang there quite well.
How did he not notice a window there?
He doesn’t ask. Maeglin will probably see the question regardless, and explain or not as pleases him.
Maeglin comes back over and sits directly next to Laurefindelë at the foot of the bed. His false smile is lit softly with what little reaches in through the trees outside and dappled with lantern-light. He cocks his head and just says, “Well, it wasn’t there before.”
Oh. Like the door. Of course. Laurefindelë should stop expecting things to make sense around here.
#gem writes#glorfindel#maeglin#non euclidean nan elmoth#hrghhgh i hate. sentences. and phrases. and trying to get these really cool scraps to work together in a remotely coherent manner#at least here i have the scraps in most of tar-telepta im working in massive holes in the outline#and your special little guy is MEAN#he's also physically demonstrative in a way that he usually isnt written#when he's in Maximum Offputting Mode he will like. hug people and touch their hair and possibly kiss their foreheads.#this has nothing to do with affection and he's definitely not touch starved#its to say 'you have no power over how this interaction is going. telling me to stop would only piss me off. this is me being niceys btw'#'you wouldnt want me to stop being niceys would you?'
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Doing Natlan quest right now and honestly I really hoped these characters would be better
and the fact that nobody requests them makes me feel like I'm not the only one who thinks that xD (for example, the second fontaine was out I had requests with Fontaine characters- okay maybe not exactly but it's been a LOOONG while and I'm yet to see someone from natlan in my inbox)
rant in tags, not fully spoiler free
#im on the newest part rn and so far it feels like everyone is p much the same#citlali and kinich only stand out to me#rest is just 'for natlan!' and that's it.#I mean#I'm not saying they're REALLY like this and there is nothing else about them#but it's just that they don't give me anything cool to pay attention to#it's like their characters don't exist without their nation#and for an archon it's an okay thing#but for others? makes it kinda bland to read#OH and also when I said that citlali stands out the most?#I mean it in a bad way#REALLY bad way#I'm so disappointed in the direction they went with in her dialogue#and her drinking problem is handled VERY poorly and I hate how it's treated like a joke#I just wanted another cool old woman she WISHES she was Faruzan#I did also kinda delulu myself and made up my own citlali and that's why i pulled for her btw
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I think a factor a lot of farming/crafting sims completely forget to include is the aspect of, not just being self-sustaining, but being part of a community and providing for that community. They sometimes put in side quests and stuff where you hand out resources to folks, but, like, a lot of the time you don't need to actually farm much because you aren't even selling your products, or they don't sell for much.
The simple solution, and easiest way to add depth to the farming (because another common problem is the farming lacks depth and can be fully automated without really interacting much with it like it's a chore to eventually overcome rather than the main gameplay loop) is having a rating system. 1-5 stars, higher yields, special yields, one or all of these depending on how well you care for your animals or fertilize your crops. While it can be tedious due to the game's unecessarily slow scaling, I think tale of two towns did this the best by including all of these for the animals and different actions for attaining each. It should feel like more than just a daily button click.
A good farming sim should have you spending lots of time actually working your farm, not because of the scale of the farm, but because of the depth of the care you can put into it. And the time off the farm should be spent interacting with the community in a more in-depth and cyclical way that makes your character feel a part of it. That's the key to those cozy vibes.
#farming sim#THIS is why i hate farm sims that have combat and other elements slapped on#not just because they arent what i was looking for#but because it becomes clear theyre meant to take up the bulk of your time in game instead of farming#which means the farming isnt fleshed out and youre spending most of your time away from your farm#which is supposed to be the main gameplay but the gimmick addition is what ends up most fleshed out#because at the end of the day these farm sims are made by people who like survival games not farming games#they enjoy the self sufficiency not the actual farming#thats how a lot of american made farm sims feel anyways#dont mind me just ranting about farm sims again...#anyways#sprinklers my beloathed#theres theoretically nothing wrong with you but every time i see you especially if you have upgrades i know the gameplay will be mid#btw sims 4 has better gardening than half the farming sims and thats sad#but sims 4 has a quality system and not just watering but weeds and pests and hybridization and grafting#and you have multiple avenues to sell your products of varying depth with the community#anyways sorry for yet another rant about 'people who make and play indie farming sims dont actually enjoy farming sims'
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I just saw a "The Challenge" animatic where the creator calls Penelope "Water Wife" and I'm having a weird moment of "wait, my nickname exists outside of my weird Tumblr friendgroup? It's breached containment??"
I'm not mad, I mean I'm honestly surprised and really happy. I just didn't know that like, my silly codename for Penelope is also being used by people I don't even know, you know?
#btw. it's a fantastic animatic. I love it to bits for multiple reasons and thankfully the creator has a Tumblr account so I'll Reblog it#later too. I was just startled seeing my silly phrase on YouTube. I thought it only existed on Tumblr lol.#I mean... I don't think I have THAT much “reach”??? I know 1500+ follows isn't like... nothing but there's definitely more#well known bloggers/creators than me haha#just something silly.#like Naiad Pen has been around before me but I think I was the first to like. specifically call her “Water Wife”#and I did that as a codename as I know my lil freak is quite different than most folks Penelope's plus yeah...#I don't want hardcore classics people to fucking put in front of a firing squad lol I know some already have.#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#Water Wife#penelope of ithaca
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not to be true crime posting on main but i think i'm falling down the wm3 rabbit hole again
#xenia.txt#when i tell you this case keeps me up at night to this day#not even the murders themselves as much as the general public's reception to and opinions on the case 3 decades later like#i get why it;s always been so divisive especially after the pl docus came out (lots of opinions on those btw none of them are good#from the bottom of my heart fuck you joe berlinger and bruce sinofsky)#but it's truly baffling how no one is willing to do the research on what is arguably THE most well documented true crime case in recent#history like. everything that's ever been released to the general public is available online and i mean everything#you can find all the court files trial transcripts depositions interogation tapes aerial photos you name it it's out there for anyone with#internet connection to access at any and all hours of the day#and yet people are still foaming at the mouth fighting on reddit abt their innocence based off nothing but a couple of movies like#bffr with me right now!! almost every point the innocenters make can be easily debunked by scrolling through callahan for 15 minutes#'but they've been pushing for dna testing since their release so they can't be guilty' baby the case is closed!#it's been closed the second they took the plea. they can be striking under that courthouse and it still won't change a thing and they knowi#that's why they're pushing for it in the first place but that's just my opinion#^ and i say they but it's really only echols which makes a lot of sense to me personally#and if you want to talk abt dna testing let's talk abt the one that was done in 2011 and how the defense hurried to propose the plea as soo#as they got the results! let's talk abt those cause no one's ever seen them and i would very much like to#braga share the results the people want to know!!#makes me wonder which pieces of evidence they even submitted for that 2011 testing because if i'm remembering correctly#there was one that would've closed this case instantly and maybe that's why the results were never disclosed and the plea was rushed#but that's also just my opinion#and it's also interesting how the majority of people who have in fact deep dived into this case#(and i'm not talking abt big true crime youtubers as i'm very sceptical abt their research abilities)#all collectively lean towards guilty. much to think about#i was hoping someone would make another ~actually~ unbiased documentary for the 30th anniversary and go over all the case files#but i don't think that's even realistic at this point seeing as everyone and their mother has some sort of an opinion on this case#hbo deserves another lawsuit for this. they should've never won the first one in the first place#true crime tw
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she snorts cocaine at dinner parties in beverley hills
she goes to church every sunday and has a repressed sapphic crush on her best friend
nevertheless they are as close as can be
#text post#ive had the idea for this post in my head for the longest time#barbie#dolls#i just love how midge's original face was such an overcorrection for the problems parents had to the original barbie#they thought she was just such a hussy w her makeup and lashes and BOOOOOOBS#(and she was! so? she served cunt!)#so they had to make midge as down-to-earth girl-next-door-looking as possible#in order to sorta. let ppl get over it#and it's amazing how ppl reused the 'they look like sluts' thing w bratz dolls in the early 2000s#i even hear some ppl say now that they think the bratz are too 'mature' looking bc of their makeup and facial expressions#they PRETEND it's about the clothes but honestly they wouldn't have a problem w a less sleepy-eyed doll wearing most of those clothes#bratz wore crop tops from time to time in the original run but they really weren't dressing in any other way ppl often found objectionable#they just think the face is too 'sexy'#and i mean i get not liking the way the bratz faces look. if they creep u out or just arent ur style#u know what doll brand i just really hate the faces of and cannot get past no matter what? rainbow high#god those things are fucking freaky to look at with their fish eyes. im sorry to the fans i just cant join u. the faces put me off too much#there's nothing wrong w not liking the way a doll looks. u just shouldn't moralize it or sexualize children's hobbies#bc the children aren't looking at them that way#sorry this turned into a rant i can literally never be normal about dolls#i love original midge btw this is not a hate post. we stan midge
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope
#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad#but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to#its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐#HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j#like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal#but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip#(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA#ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances-#and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people#LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny#like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay”#and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood#without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now#for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why#like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ#you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially#whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not#ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing#but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u#i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts#malistaire drake
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guys i need to be dancing at a house party tipsy with someone im attracted to so bad btw. ive never been to a house party in real life (though id quite like to at least once) but i really have been desperately needing that specific (probably awful for me) sensory and social environment so bad lately
#just me rambling again#i keep looking through ao3 to try to find smth with the exact vibe im looking for but cant :(( might have to grab hold of some old or some#half made ocs and write it myself idk. or just like. find a way to experience it irl#oh btw ! tmrw night slumber party w one of my friends who ive been wanting to hang out with more + also happens to be the one i recently go#to smooch on the mouth :3333#the stated purpose is ive been trying to get her to yap at me abt her biggest fandom / interest for ages and just explain all of the lore#and story and characters to me bc ive been wantign to hear abt it from her but we just havent had a good time#and also i cannot lie i hope that i can smooch them on the mouth again! theyre such a lovely person and so very pretty#ive been meaning to tumblr tag ramble abt that for a bit and forgot anyways i have straight up told them and also one of our other friends#that if they get invited to a party ever they should please please lpeaseeeeeee see if they can invite me along#my brain has a half assed hope at maybe getting the teen party experience (most likely not oging to happen for me but it is a real life#possibly grounding for little daydream of wants) bc a somewhat popular guy the year below me (guy i fancied when i was in the play fun fact#for any loyal frog lore enjoyers) put smth on his instagram story like if i throw a bday party is anyone interested ?? with like a story#poll and obviously i picked the affirmative bc i dont know him super well but he knows a lot of ppl i know and i did a cool photoshoot with#him once idk im hoping if its a big event i have a shot at going (as aforementioned--not going to happen in real life but a man can dream)#sigh i recently made a new playlist of the weird yearning ive got going on rn and the flavor of my minds niche longings#its a good playlist#idk ive been so nothing recently im just excited that i get to see my friends this weekend i get to hang out w some of my besties tmrw#through the day too im very excited#OH ALSO omg im just throwing every single diary update i have into one post now ig but erm#ive realized recently (last week or two) that i think im finally 'over' my most recent relationship?#like im still sad abt the fact that my high school best friend.. doesnt talk to me anymore#and im still coping with all of the nightmare insecurities i have deep in my mind being proven correct within the past however many months#but like i only just registered oh hell yeah at the very least i dont have like. romantic feelings of any sort still towards her? i do#love my wonderful ex gf shes such a lovely person and for a long time was an amazing friend to me#but it feels like a weight is off of my chest i straight up was sitting in the feeling of well i'll be missing her forever and i just have#to live like this forever oh well but like. no im chilling in that regard actually we're clear.#idk ive had like nothing going on lately i work and school and i think about my feelings SOMETIMES#i try not to generally but they always get in somehow you know how it is.
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hmm yknow ive never had to worry about this before cause all the fandoms ive been in ive never really been in the same space as the creators so i never had to worry about the ccs/creators seeing my liveblogs even if i only rarely did it before but since the lsers are here maybe i should just stop liveblogging?? cause like in case it wasnt obvious im a massive hater first and foremost and if theres one thing you dont show the creators its hate so like. idk maybe its time to stop for good
#mine.txt#ive also never had so many ppl look at my blog before#usually ppl dont even know i exist#like yeah its my house but if theres somebody looking through my windows im gonna close the curtains yanno?#idk. i dont really proces emotion and empathy the same way most ppl do and im heavily geared towards isolation#so these kinda things are a bit tricky for me to navigate cause i gotta consider not only my own wants#but also the wants of those who can see what i do and also my own emotions as disocciated as they are#and like on one hand why would one liveblogger quitting matter#esp since for the most part most liveblogs mean nothing and the only ones that do are the negative kinds#dont deny it its true ive seen it firsthand; nobody gives that much of a shit about neutral and positive thoughts from a stranger#but negative ones can basically turn someone suicidal even if its a ratio of 1 negative to 1000 positive#but on the other hand there Are ppl who are looking for that kinda thing on my blog#yeah yeah my own house i should do what i want whatever#but the truth of the matter is if there werent some social function attached to this i wouldnt be doing this at all#i mean sure i can decide to only liveblog when im feeling positively#but if im gonna do that i may as well just not liveblog at all#like i already deal with emotional expectations irl im not gonna deal with that on my own blog as well#i am not a positive person#i get frustrated very easily#which ppl like to say is different from anger but lbr it really isnt is it?#esp when youre on the receiving end#couple that with the actual genuine anger i feel when the lsers do an ableism#which is quite often btw#well i just dont think its worth it to put my thoughts out there
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