#btw The Agonies have progressed

[bending-sickle]

two and a half hours ago i went to get a cup of tea to accompany Little Activity. i have not been allowed to return (nor participate in a conversation nor have dinner nor indeed have my tea) until now

[dahldahlbills]

just hit 50k in cryptids wip :’)

[ryuzakistoe]

Conflicted (Michael Kaiser x Fem!reader)

angst, fem!reader, arguing, and uhhh basically all angst, childhood friends, swearing

a/n: after this I honestly have no idea who to do next. I'm kinda in between Isagi again or someone else🤷‍♀️

I also got this as inspiration

BTW IM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE

(omg I finally got it to work omg)

——

Experiencing someone you love deeply suddenly transform into a stranger can feel like the ground has fallen away beneath you. The trust you placed in them, the cherished memories, the laughter shared—all of it can vanish in an instant, leaving you grappling with an unbearable emptiness.

In the face of such devastation, some cling desperately to hope, convinced that the past can be reclaimed. They construct fragile illusions to shield themselves from the harsh truth, believing that everything will somehow return to the way it was. But these comforting lies only deepen the wounds, which lie temporarily closed, waiting to reopen with even more agony.

How long could you endure this torment? Some carry this weight for a lifetime, while others crumble under the pressure far too soon. For you, how long will you hold on, waiting for that moment when you perhaps see him again? How long until the heaviness of his “explanation” crushes you? In the end, when the truth finally pierces through the lies you've built around your heart, how will you cope with the devastation and lies?

Thats up to you.

…🥀…

Frequent moves were a normal part of your life, given that your father, a businessman, was always busy either supporting or establishing new companies. Over time, you became accustomed to the constant change, no longer feeling as upset or frustrated about leaving behind new memories and friends.

With your mother having sadly passed away, your father was the only family you had. However, his demanding schedule often kept him away, leaving you with too much free time. You would often wander aimlessly, your father always worrying since you were still so young.

One day, during one of these aimless walks, you noticed a boy around your age dressed in dusty, worn clothes, playing with an old, worn out soccer ball. You found yourself standing there, captivated, as he skillfully shifted the ball from one foot to the other. The fluid motion of his dribbling drew you in, sparking a sense of fascination.

Eventually, the boy noticed your quiet admiration.

"Can I help you, gnädige Frau?" he asked, his thick German accent coloring his voice as he stopped the ball under his foot.

Since arriving in Germany a few months ago, you had made steady progress with the language. Your father insisted you familiarize yourself with the formalities and learn a good number of words, as speaking German would be essential for getting by.

"I was just watching you play," you replied, mirroring his language and matching the casual energy in his tone.

He regarded you for a moment, as though sizing you up, before speaking again. "Do you know how to play? Fußball, meine ich," he said, his expression unreadable.

You hesitated briefly. While you were familiar with the basics and rules of football, you'd never actually played it. Your most significant experience with the sport had been attending a game with your cousin—an exciting memory, but that was as far as it went.

"I'm not sure how to play, but I understand the basics and the rules," you admitted, glancing briefly at the soccer ball.

"Only the basics, huh?" he murmured, flicking the ball up with the same foot that had held it steady. It flew in the air before dropping neatly into his arms.

The blonde boy began to walk toward you, his gaze fixed on you the entire time. Stopping just a few feet away, he asked, "What's your name?"

"Y/n L/n," you answered softly.

"Y/n L/n…" he echoed, as if testing the sound of your name on his tongue. His eyes drifted to the side, and he repeated your name again, his tone thoughtful, as though trying to commit it to memory or decipher some hidden meaning within it.

“And what's your name?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at his peculiar behavior.

The blonde boy seemed to snap out of his thoughts, his eyes meeting yours again. "Michael Kaiser," he replied.

Without warning, he tossed the ball toward you, giving you no time to react. It landed between your feet, and you glanced down at it slowly.

"Kick the ball," he instructed.

You looked back up at Kaiser, processing his words. Kick the ball? That sounded simple enough. You positioned your foot carefully, recalling how professional players did it, and swung your leg forward.

The ball rolled back to Kaiser with surprising smoothness, considering you had little experience with football.

Catching it effortlessly with his foot, Kaiser smirked. "Not bad for someone who doesn't know how to play," he remarked.

You weren’t sure if he was being genuine or just mocking you. "Thanks," you mumbled quietly, watching as he shuffled the ball between his feet.

He suddenly paused, then said something that caught you off guard. "Play with me."

You raised an eyebrow. "But I told you, I don’t really know how to play."

"I'll teach you," he responded almost instantly, his tone carrying a hint of urgency. There was a longing in his voice, and you could understand why. It had clearly been a while since he'd had anyone to play with.

Kaiser was always alone. The other kids avoided him, seeing him as an oddball because of his scruffy clothes, unkempt hair, and the bruises that covered him—marks left by his father. They treated him like an outcast, believing there was something wrong with him.

While they ignored him, Kaiser watched from a distance, wishing he could join in, longing for the kind of companionship they took for granted.

He would often imagine himself in the place of one of the other kids, letting his mind create a vivid scene of joining in and having fun. It was as if his consciousness played alongside them while his real body stayed behind, observing from a distance.

But now, he had a real chance to play with someone, no longer just imagining the experience.

Kaiser began teaching you everything he knew about football. You didn’t become an instant expert, but you quickly gained a better understanding of the sport. It started simply, with the two of you passing the ball back and forth while he explained the basics. Gradually, he introduced more advanced moves, each one more challenging than the last.

Before long, you had learned almost everything he had to teach, and Kaiser was genuinely pleased. Finally, he had someone to share the game with—a real companion, not just a daydream.

Day after day, whenever your father was busy with work, you met up with Kaiser. The two of you would play quick soccer matches, though Kaiser usually came out on top. It didn’t matter to him who won; having someone to share his favorite pastime with was all he had ever wanted as of right now.

You found yourself enjoying his company too. Since moving here, you hadn’t had anyone to talk to, spending most of your free time wandering aimlessly through unfamiliar places. Meeting Kaiser changed that. He had become an important part of your life, and you could tell that he felt the same.

The time you spent together brought you happiness, and the bond you shared grew stronger with each passing day. But then, a few years later, everything began to change.

…🥀…

Kaiser was well aware of his growing feelings for you. He wasn’t oblivious; he knew all too well the risks of letting them show. But that didn't stop them from deepening. It only made it harder to ignore.

After years of hard work, he finally secured a spot on Bastard München’s football team—a dream realized, and you had been there through it all. You were always by his side, ready to support him whenever he needed it. You were the person he could lean on, and that meant everything to him.

Over time, he came to depend on you. There were days when it felt like you were the only one who truly understood him, when he found himself seeking you out for solace. Your presence brought him a sense of calm that no one else could.

He began to rely on you.

It was inevitable, really. Being around someone as steadfast and caring as you, his feelings naturally began to shift and grow into something more.

He started to notice the way his gaze lingered on you whenever you spoke, how his cheeks would flush at the sight of your smile. He noticed how much weight your words carried with him, how the sun seemed to light up your skin in a way that drew him in. He couldn’t ignore the warmth that bloomed inside him just from seeing you.

He began to notice everything. And as much as he loved these feelings, he hated them just as much.

This was exactly what he was afraid of—this so-called "love" that threatened to unravel him. The thought of being vulnerable, of exposing that side of himself, terrified him. As his reputation as the "Emperor" grew, so did his fear of appearing weak.

His skills, his ego, and you—they had all shaped who he was and brought him to this point. He couldn’t afford to risk that. It was only natural that he didn’t want to gamble away everything he had worked for. Throwing it all away over a feeling seemed like the height of foolishness.

But was all the arguing and shared anger really worth it?

No, not at all.

…

"Y/n, is it really that hard for you to just listen to me?”

"But why…? Why now?"

The look Kaiser gave you was unfamiliar, his eyes now cold and distant. It was a side of him you had never seen before.

How did it come to this?

…

In the past few days, something had changed in him. The warmth that once lit up his face whenever he saw you had vanished, replaced by a faint scowl. The way he looked at you now—like you were just another bothersome fan—stung in a way you couldn’t understand. Sometimes he would just ignore your presence entirely, leaving you in silence.

"Y/n, I won't say it again. Please, for once, just listen and go. I don’t want to see you right now."

"But Michael! You still haven't told me why!" The desperation in your voice hung in the air, unanswered.

But It was as if Kaiser had just… snapped. Was it your endless questions? Your desperate pleas? Or maybe it was the look in your eyes each time he tried to brush you off.

"You want the truth, Y/n? Fine. Just looking at you makes me sick!"

His words hit like a punch to the gut, leaving you breathless. What did he mean? Had he always felt this way? If so, for how long? Were you too much for him?

A storm of thoughts swirled in your mind, each one cutting deeper than the last, as you felt the sting of tears welling up.

"Michael… what…?" you whispered, your voice trembling and barely audible.

"You make me feel sick, Y/n. Nauseous." His tone was sharp, laced with irritation, as if the very act of saying it exhausted him.

A couple of tears managed to form in your eye sockets as you quietly murmured, “Michael…but why? Why do I make you feel like this? Was it something I did..—”

Kaiser clenched his jaw, frustration and bitterness seething beneath his words. How could you be so clueless?

“Yes, Y/N, you did do something—no, you did everything!” he burst out. “Every time you smile, I can’t look away. Your stupid hair falls just right and it’s distracting. Your annoying voice—it calms me, like some kind of spell. And your eyes, the way they look at me… I feel sick because of the warmth you put in my stomach. I hate that I look forward to your presence, that you’re all I think about, that I’ve developed these feelings for you—I hate it all!” His fists tightened, a mix of embarrassment and anger rising to his face.

Your eyes widened. Was this a confession? Were these compliments or just veiled insults? What was he trying to say?

You stared at him, speechless, before managing to whisper, “Michael… you… you have feelings for me?”

Kaiser glanced away, reluctant to admit it. But there was no denying it—this was, in its own way, almost a confession.

Mind you, Almost, a confession.

"I wish I didn’t." His voice was low, almost resigned, and you couldn't help the frown that tugged at your lips. Why would he want to bury something as powerful as this? It didn’t make sense.

"Michael… " you spoke, your voice barely a whisper. "Why would you wish these feelings away? I… I could feel the same way about you, you know…"

He shook his head slowly, as if each movement was a struggle. When he spoke, his tone was firm but tinged with something that resembled sorrow. "It doesn't matter, Y/n. Even if you do, I can't accept it. I can’t accept us."

His words hit you like a cold gust of wind. "You mean… you wouldn't be able to return my feelings?" Your chest tightened as you forced out the question, though deep down, you already knew the answer.

Michael's silence was answer enough, but still, you couldn’t let it end there. "Well," you began, the words stumbling out before you could stop them, "I guess that’s just too bad because… I really do have feelings for you." Your voice wavered slightly, betraying how hard it was to admit, but the truth had taken root too deeply to be ignored.

You had begun to realize it months ago, maybe even longer. The symptoms of love crept in slowly, almost imperceptibly at first—the way his presence made you feel more alive, the longing to hear his voice even when he wasn’t around, the flutter in your chest with every small gesture. Now, standing in front of him, all those little moments coalesced into something undeniable. Yet, here you were, offering your heart to someone who refused to hold it.

You found yourself looking forward to every visit with him, craving the moments you could be near. Even though you saw each other regularly, it never felt like enough. You often caught yourself inventing excuses just to stay a little longer, clinging to each second as if it might be your last chance to be close.

Your gaze drifted toward him, hoping to catch his eye and find some sign of understanding there. But instead of meeting your gaze, he looked away, his expression guarded.

"As I said before, Y/n, I can't," he repeated, his voice steady but distant.

Frustration surged within you, a knot tightening in your chest. Why couldn’t he just explain? Why was he so determined to keep you at arm's length? "Michael, for heaven’s sake, just tell me why!" you demanded, your voice rising with a mix of irritation and desperation. "Why can’t you? We could figure this out… it doesn’t have to be this way."

You were exhausted—tired of the same vague answer, the same unyielding response. "I can’t" wasn’t good enough anymore. You needed the truth, a real reason to justify the wall he kept building between you.

Kaiser noticed the edge in your voice, and frustration flared in his eyes as he responded, his tone sharper than before. "Because I can't risk everything I’ve worked so hard for, Y/n! I’ve fought so hard to get where I am now, and I can't afford any distractions—not even love."

Distraction?

You blinked, his words hitting you like a slap. He thought this—whatever was between you—was just a distraction?

"H-huh…?" you breathed, the word barely audible as it slipped from your lips.

Kaiser tilted his head back, a bitter sigh escaping him as his jaw clenched in obvious irritation. "Did you not understand what I just said?" His voice dripped with exasperation, as though explaining himself was an exhausting chore.

You felt your brows draw together in a scowl, his words twisting in your mind. Of course, you heard him loud and clear, but all you could focus on was how cruel and dismissive he sounded. This whole "distraction" excuse felt like nothing but bullshit—a convenient shield to hide behind, rather than an honest reason.

"Is that what I am to you?" you said, your voice quivering with anger. It seems as if this was just another excuse of his.

His answer left you both hurt and furious, a bitter mix of emotions twisting inside you. Sure, you finally got the explanation you’d been pushing for, but this? This was what he had to say?

"Love… a distraction?" you echoed, your voice strained as you struggled to keep your composure. "Michael, are you serious right now?" You could barely recognize the man standing before you; this wasn’t the Michael Kaiser you thought you knew.

"Do I look like I'm making this up, Y/n?" he shot back, his tone icy and unyielding. "I can’t let anything interfere. I've worked too hard for what I have, and I won't risk losing it all just to chase after some fantasy. I can’t afford to be blinded by ‘love.’ I can’t afford to be weak. Not now." He took a step closer, his gaze piercing into yours.

You stared into those familiar blue eyes—eyes that once looked at you with warmth and admiration. Now, they were cold and hollow, carrying only frustration and something far more unsettling: emptiness. It was like staring into the eyes of a stranger, someone who had shed any trace of the person you thought you cared for.

"I want to be the best, and I can’t do that with emotions weighing me down," he said, his tone harsh and unyielding. "I need a clear path, free from distractions. Do you even realize how much I stand to lose if I let the smallest thing pull my focus? I could lose everything. I could end up weak… and that’s something I refuse to accept."

His words felt like a cold slap, each one slicing through you. "I’ve sacrificed so much just to get where I am today. So there it is, Y/n. I won’t let these emotions derail me. Not even for you."

A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it, a silent testament to the heartbreak squeezing your chest. Was this really it? Was he just going to leave you behind because you didn’t fit into his perfect, distraction-free life? It felt like the ground had fallen out from beneath you.

"This is bullshit, Michael," you snapped, your voice shaking with anger. "You’re just going to drop me like that? After everything? After all the times I’ve been there for you, stood by your side, supported you through every step of your soccer career—this is how you repay me? Do you even realize how messed up that is?"

Your voice rose, trembling with the frustration and betrayal burning inside you. "You can’t just cut me out because I don’t fit neatly into your plans. Do you even hear yourself right now?"

Anger flared in his eyes, and his voice rose, laced with frustration. "Yes, Y/n, I’m going to leave you! Didn’t you hear a word I just said? I can’t risk everything I’ve worked for. I’ve come too far to let ‘love’ make me weak—I’ll lose it all!"

"Why can’t you see that love won’t make you weak?" you cried out, your voice cracking with desperation.

"Tch. I already told you—it’s a distraction," he shot back, his tone cold and dismissive.

Each word felt like a dagger, piercing deeper as he repeated the same relentless argument, as if mocking the very idea of you. He was unyielding, his walls built so high that nothing you said could seem to reach him.

"So that’s it, then?" you murmured, your voice trembling as tears stung your eyes. "All of it? All of this—even me—it’s just a distraction?"

For a split second, something in his expression wavered. The guilt in his eyes betrayed him as he saw the hurt etched across your face. But just as quickly, he masked it, his pride and stubbornness locking him in place. He stayed silent, his hand twitching as if he wanted to reach out but refused to let himself.

The truth was, when you first told him how you felt, a spark of joy had flickered inside him—something he hadn’t felt in a long time. But now, with every pained word that left your lips, he buried that feeling deeper, forcing it down beneath the weight of his ambition. He couldn’t afford to let you see it. He couldn’t afford to let himself feel it.

It pained him to see you like this, knowing he was the cause. He never intended to hurt you like this—never imagined he’d be the one to break your heart.

Of course, his ambitions meant more to him than his "best friend." That was the cruel truth—his future outweighed everything, even you.

The silence stretched between you until you finally broke it, your voice trembling. "Is that a yes or a no, Michael? Please… just answer me."

His gaze softened at the sight of you, your face etched with desperation and pain. He truly felt bad—guilt clawed at him—but he couldn’t let it sway him. He believed this was necessary. He believed it was for the best.

"Yes," he said quietly.

The word hit you like a blow, and your head dropped, a broken breath escaping your lips. You never thought it would come to this—never imagined this was how the two of you would part ways.

Quiet sobs began to slip from you, growing louder with each passing second as tears streamed down your cheeks. Soon, the dam broke, and you were wailing into your hands, trying in vain to wipe away the endless flow of tears. Your heart ached with a hollow emptiness that spread through your chest—the same emptiness that Michael once filled, now torn wide open.

It felt as though a piece of you had been ripped away. You and Michael had been through hell and back together, always supporting and lifting each other up. Now, there was a cold, hollow place in your heart where he used to be, a void that felt unbearable.

After a moment, you forced yourself to look up, only to see him walking away, the distance between you growing with every step.

"Michael… mein Schatz… come back… please…" you whispered, your voice breaking. "I can't do this without you…" But he was already too far to hear, your pleas swallowed up by the empty space between you.

Kaiser kept his eyes on the ground, watching his own feet carry him further away. He didn’t dare look back. "Goodbye, meine Liebe…" he murmured softly, the words escaping like a breath.

a/n: so I actually kinda took my time with this so I hope its better 😐

Also I just rewatched aot, tell me why I forgot how FINE jean was in s4🤧😫 (and Levi)

ANDDD IM ROCKING WITH BLLK S2🤤

I'm going to lick his tattoos bro

[akayralylegacy]

EMESIS BLUE IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I EVER WATCHED

Yeah, this is going to be some sort of analysis bc I am having a massive brainrot about this movie and I HAVE to share my thoughts of it somewhere, so I hope you enjoy reading this huge post ig lmao

Btw, if you're a person who doesn't like spoilers... SPOILERS WARNING IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET (and plan to do so)!!!

First, yeah, for those who didn't know I've been really into TF2 since last month, and being a very new fan, I started watching lots of SFMs and vids in a row to catch up with all the memes and lore, and well, I stumbled across EMESIS BLUE. And, it got me caught up with its plot/concept and the overall movie itself SO MUCH that I will never think of TF2 the same way-

No I mean, I know TF2 is more humoristic and stuff most of the time, the canon comics themselves have lots of funny moments of nonsense and weird situations, and not even counting the zillions of memes the community has created, those being pure gold. I love the comedic silliness from the comics and memes, plus the chaotic vibe from the game itself is just so fucking funny and stupid I always burst into laughter

But, TF2...with... horror? That's a combination I never thought I'd like so much. The whole concept of the respawn machine not working like it was supposed to, making them suffer from physical and/or mental problems after each respawn, creating an eternal loop of suffering, breaking the characters' sense of reality, torturing them by having to wait an eternity within some sort of limbo of "afterlife"...bro that's so...so disturbing yet so amazing at the same time. The fact the respawn machine caused Scout to develop brain atrophy, decreasing his IQ score and causing dementia and schizophrenia symptoms, while Medic developed some sort of split personality and schizophrenia as well, and you know that each time they return it will just get worse and worse, even them reckoning it later on. It's...just, it is simply horrifying.

The movie's atmosphere is so well made and constructed that I was tense from start to end, I felt like I was inside the movie, like I was witnessing all the carnage and agony of each one of the characters from up close. Like, there was practically no calm moment during those whole (almost) 2 hours of movie, but at the same time so many stuff happens very quickly, it also seems to go a bit slow but not in a bad way, and the details are shown here and there bit by bit. I like very detailed stories that construct the events based on its slow pace, revealing stuff on its right time, but on the other hand, being mixed with agitation, brutality and things happening in a flash. I hope you can understand what I'm saying? I hope I am being able to explain it well, but I think you get what I mean.

Cinematography wise, everything is stunning. The animation, the effects, the light and shadow, the colors and textures, sounds and background music, everything so well made, if you pay attention you can notice tiny details that make a lot of difference and make it even more agonizing yet thrilling to watch. I was so impressed with it just from the start. I mean, the animation>>>>

The quality being SO. GOOD considering it was animated purely on SFM??? THAT'S SO FUCKING IMPRESSIVE AND JAWDROPPING LIKE THAT'S SUCH A BANGER I COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT.

Dialogue and quotes is something to be noted out as well. Many dialogues made such impact to the movie, some quotes making more sense later on as the movie progresses. I swear, that moment where Soldier is in a black n white room, with all those skeletons sitting around a table, and the sound at the background is a phone call from Jules to Blutarch, where Jules says: "We have about 800.000 corpses on the site," that line hit me SO HARD I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN. This is SO. FUCKING. DARK AND MORBID BRO I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK

Not only this one but lots of lines caught my attention and hit me so hard, like:

"You ever get the feeling like you're being watched?"

"Doc, I was at the second floor"

"Some get stuck inside trying to come through"

"You don't want to know..."

"It's eternity in there"

"Longer than you think..."

"Who was there to save me, Jules?"

"And I'm giving you exactly what you deserve"

"See you on the other side..."

ISTG THESE ARE SO??? LIKE, THEY HIT SO HARD AND I GOT CHILLS FROM SOME OF THOSE

Also, the voice acting, OOOH THE VOICE ACTING. Some people say it wasn't that good because many characters were voiced by Chad Payne himself, however I think it shows quite a talent from him to voice numerous characters tbh, even if he couldn't perfectly change the voice to fit all the characters 100% it doesn't mean his voice acting isn't good! I think he did an amazing job :]

And all the other voice actors as well, all of them are so amazing and I loved their acting so fucking much, but shoutout to Jazzyjoeyjr (voice of Soldier) and Cameron Nichols (voice of Scout) bc bro YOU DUDES DID A *PERFECT* JOB I SWEAR-

Talking abt moments of the movie that impacted me so much, I think it was Scout's death, and well uh, many Soldier moments tbh. Scout's death scene was agonizing to watch, I was in total despair hearing his screams at the background while Medic was trying to kill Maynard, I was almost having a crisis I was almost yelling of desperation I was like: COME ON MEDIC PLEASE GO SAVE HIM ISTG

It was SO. FUCKING. SAD. AND UNFAIR. I will never get over that moment.

Soldier's moments? Bro, he was the most sane out of everyone, which says a lot... and he was the ONLY one to indeed survive, without dying at any moment. He witnessed it all, the death of his best friend, Fritz shooting himself right in front of him, the pile of bodies, the truth being revealed....everything.

It even saddens me to imagine what could be passing through Soldier's mind after all those events, he seen gruesome and horrifying shit throughout the movie.

So, long-story short, EMESIS BLUE is a fucking MASTERPIECE that traumatized me for LIFE (in a good way), and I highly recommend you to watch it if you haven't yet, I am impressed with it and it doesn't get out of my head I am so fucking obsessed with it ISTG-

[gingerbravecookie]

devlog 1 - cursor and the horrors of game making. the agony and such of making a rewrite fangame

hello!! name's cursor/siffrin and i'm a poor loser making a fangame!! why did i commit to this i could have just made a fic but noooo i gotta pick up rpgmaker again

this devlog is made because. well. all devs do one ithink. also to write down my ocasional progress in this project!! this won't be monthly but whenever i have the time and got something to report yay. spare me from this hellhole

we begin 💥

ever since cookie run the darkest night got cancelled a few months ago and left us with only chapter 1 i did feel sad!! i liked the story!!! gingerbrave cool and fucking awesome moments. BUT!! because i am mentally ill,, i decided to rewrite the game myself and give it the ending it deserved to have!! will the ending be proper i dunno. i am still writing this stuff waugh. but hey it will have an ending at least

to gamedev stuff proper. i got rpgmaker mz around 2022 for the purpose of making a cr game still. an original one!! however after making a few stuff i left it in hiatus bc i had to focus on school (i still do. college is breathing on my neck dear lord). i still plan to continue that one but it will be after i'm done with this rewrite. in either way. i've been changing placeholder stuff for now,, such as menu icons and figuring out how to make the party have five members. also re learning how to use aseprite because i gotta make all sprites haha (breaks down)

i should remind folks that i am an artist/writer first and foremost. i will very likely go through pure trial and error while making and 'coding' all of this (why did i plan 14 chapters oh my godddd),, though i do have notes i took from the rpgmaker tutorial so i can refer to when i'm stuck whenever and hey!! forums are always a thing!! i wouldn't have figured how to have 5 party members if they weren't!!

to writing stuff. i've been planning the prologue and the locations of the first 3 chapters so far. as well as a vague idea of chapter 12 and the epilogue. with point A and point B set,, now i just gotta make the middle point. aka the rest of the game</3

the main party and a few relevant npcs and characters have already been set. as well as brainstoming stuff and showing said stuff to the gingerbrave council (personal friend server) for approval of sillyness. you guys are fucking awesome btw if you're reading this. also hi chat

mentally i've been setting a timeline of events. i plan to write these in a notebook so i can have them at anytime and not have to open my laptop whenever i get a cool idea. or dig through thousands of discord messages just to find an idea i wrote down in the moment. overall i believe writing (in comparison to art making and the game making process) will be the easier part for me. also i gotta decide for a proper name for the rewrite. naming it the same as the og is lame. i need something with more sauce. i'll figure it out. in the meantime. have this goober

i'm sure this should be it for this devlog!! hooray!! what have i gotten myself into!!!

in all seriousness i'm honestly pretty excited,, i really want to make this game work and for people to play it!! even if it might be a bit of a pain i really wanna finish this project so there's tgat

that's all. see you all in the next devlog whenever that might be 💥

[khaopybara]

Re. your last gif set (gorgeous as always!) - no but I can't even enjoy it because I'm yet again trying to work out which of these scenes are "real" and which are "fake", only this time with Bison the one putting on the act...this is agony! Spent the first half of the series tormented by doubt regarding all the scenes from the trailer/Destroy Love MV, foolishly thinking once the secret was out everything from that point onwards would have to be genuine, for better or worse. But oh no, they can't even give us that! At this point I need Bison to throw Kant overboard ASAP just to put me out of my misery - I feel like as soon as he's done that, we're on firmer ground! I just need the planetarium scene to be real, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease.

see, your concern is very similar to the ones i saw going around on twitter especially today, and this is just my opinion as always, but i don't think we'll have fadelbison "pretending" their feelings for a very long time in comparison to kantstyle who have been fumbling with the truth/lie line in these past 6 episodes.

not only it would feel really dull (again, in my opinion) to repeat this narrative but this time it's flipped, we would also not have progress with the plot. the plot being, what's the deal with ruerat, what is the deal with lily and what kind of menace will keen be (i think he's the one shooting bison next episode, but again, that's just me and bts footage and blurry 2 seconds frames), and i feel like some kind of team up with the killers and the snitches should happen so we can have answers for that.

i've been fooled by the domesticity of the scenes they gave us in the mvs, too, i won't be hypocrite and say i wasn't, but i do feel like at least 2 out of the 4 (and this is me being pessimist btw, i originally had 3 out 4) scenes we've got for hurt me please are kantbison with some sort of clarity between them. that first one with the back hug, for example, i'm betting that's after first's favorite scene he mentioned before the show started where fk kept adding things to the dialogue because they felt true to the characters and in my head, this beach scene is their reconciliation.

all of that to say that i won't stand here and tell you not to worry about the planetarium scene not being real bc i don't wanna feed you false hope. the way i'm dealing with this, though is, i'm going into these scenes not knowing the full context, but i do know the characters' feelings are true, even if the circunstancies aren't favourable, and to me, that has been enough so i don't suffer a whole fucking lot.

[im-not-buying-it-ether]

*revives again*

I'll be soon going to sleep, but anyways

Thank you btw! <3 I'll still be a bit hesitant as of now to write fics but i'll definitely will keep making ideas, boredom does that to ya'

Now i'm like, wanting to write a fic about cryptid Hal especially after reading a one shot with this topic, but i think i'll just write down ideas so i can talk about them with someone who is willing to listen! :3

I'm now like: Hal slowy turning into a cryptid without realizing it.. bird Hal...(I have the perfect bird for him, even though i would probably make my own little species for him), lots of hurt before comfort, it gets worse before it gets better, lots of whump.. nomnom😈

Body horror too since the wings would have to, literally and im not even joking, rip apart his back since he didn't originally have them.. painful back pains before the wings actually come out, gotta love some good old fashioned "it gets worse before it gets better"

Also him hiding out of either fear or denial, or fear of being judged by the League because God that man needs therapy!!

The deep seated fear of becoming inhuman bc of the rings is so scrumptious, MMMM

I’m reminded of that one nightmare JL:U episode where that GL was stuck in a nightmare where humanity became alien to him and he progressively got taken over by the ring until he couldn’t understand English and was scaring people away.

Specifically with Hal and this bird transformation imagine the slow creep into it tho.

His appetite gets weirdly fast and suddenly he’s catching up with Barry or Wally on their snack breaks to carb up, eating way too much until he feels like he’s going to be sick but then it passes and he’s hungry all the same, not knowing he’s fueling the fire of his body burning up calories to shift. His skin gets weird and prickly in places that’s mostly covered by his suit or loose clothing as a civilian, his fingers seem longer and thinner, his hands and palms too as they stretch out to an appropriate wing span but it just looks slightly unproprtional for the time being so he’s not worrying too much other than his skin. His lips thin and there’s a sharp pain at the front of his gums, like something is trying to force itself out and his teeth are feeling ill-fit in his own mouth.

He gets knee pains and during a fight with a heavy hitter, maybe Lobo, multiple bones are broken and they stick him in some sort of med pod to expedite the healing process but that does him in. His broken legs bend backwards and the change forces a talon from his heel as his feet cover in scales over flesh, his arms grow and fingers combine into those misshapen wings that take up so much space in the med pod he’s curled in on himself in comatose agony. His teeth rot and are replaced with the beak that had been forcing itself out until his lips stretch around the outline of it and are covered by the feathers just starting to take proper form.

When someone checks in the next day what’s inside isn’t Hal anymore, he can’t do little more than scream in harpy cries at the agony he wakes up to. He can’t walk, can hardly lift himself up with his hands gone and replaced with winged arms that hardly have the feathers needed to fly after his bones stretched and broke into this new misshapen body of his. His head pounds because his eyes have shifted from front facing to more on the sides of his head like a prey species, not entirely but enough that he can’t physically see the world the same anymore. When the pain subsides and he finds his voice it’s more shrill and improper because his mouth isn’t the same anymore and he has to learn how to speak again with this new speech impediment.

Arugh! Love this

He’d have to be physically bigger too, bc yes, and have to come to terms with the fact he’s got hollow bones now. After all the angst is done his biggest sad factor is that he can’t enjoy food the same anymore bc he can’t really eat much of it depending on what beak he grew in

[melisusthewee]

"Strau-celo" OMG I love that you already have a name for it :') but damn right I can't wait for whatever you've wrote about them! I'm so glad I'm not the only one on this ship 😭 (it's not a platonic thing for me, we are talking full romance btw hsjdhd)

YOU ARE IN VERY GOOD COMPANY HERE, ANON.

Who founded the Marcelo/Fito ship on AO3? This girl. I am genuinely surprised that more people didn't gravitate towards it because... well...

Everyone involved knew exactly what they were doing with this.

The author community on AO3 is very small, but there's been quite a lot written by various authors exploring the different dynamics of Marcelo and the Strauches to various degrees. I think what you will really enjoy is the Extended Primoverse Collection which is mostly intended as a pre-canon (or predominantly pre-canon) collection of stories that look at the close relationships of the cousins with each other... and Marcelo is there too sometimes. There are currently three works in the collection but more being written: The World in Brown Eyes, Tricks and Treats, and Lalo the Artist.

Some other great Strauch-celo fics I can recommend are:

I will remember how you kissed me (Marcelo/Eduardo; rated T)

Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendour in the grass (Marcelo/Fito; rated E for a specific chapter, and also Chapter 3 has an excellent breakfast scene with all four Strauch cousins because WE NEVER FORGET DANIEL SHAW)

Both of these fics and the Primoverse Collection were created by @if-not-now-tell-me-when who does wonderful work and loves looking at and breaking down the different dynamics of these boys!

Some other great fic recs are also:

and we're wholly unworthy by Anonymous (rated G) which is actually a Daniel/Tintin fic but for obvious reasons his cousins are important and the first couple chapters really show their dynamic from Daniels' POV wonderfully - how protective he is, and how responsible he feels for them.

Heroes by ferret_not_microwave (genfic; no rating) which explores how each of the three Strauches does or does not deal with their survivor's guilt and grief upon returning.

a kiss that you don't need by Anonymous (Marcelo/Fito & Marcelo/Eduardo; rated G) which is beautifully complicated and sad

Of Coffee, Museums and Waves by ferret_not_microwave (Marcelo/Fito; rated T) which is canon-divergent but beneath all the fluff I feel very importantly pauses to ask the question as to whether or not Marcelo would have been okay if he'd survived.

The last two fics and the last one in particular have sort of been gnawing away at my brain, and led me to start thinking more about how complicated some of the dynamics between them all would be. Because of it, I very recently wrote a fic that digs more into the question about how difficult any sort of return to normal would be, how Marcelo's presence might actually make the dynamic between the three cousins more complicated (for maybe not-so-platonic reasons) and just... I don't know, it's hard for me sometimes to explain what questions I'm exploring or why certain ideas end up being so compelling to me without getting too personal about it because I'm always afraid of saying too much or sharing too much or looking a bit silly. But if the last two fics intrigued you or you've already read them and found them enjoyable, then I also recommend this one:

The Worst of the Mountain Staring Back (Marcelo/Fito, with some minor Marcelo/Eduardo; rated T)

If you are looking specifically for what I've written about them (which is very sweet and flattering, thank you!), then I can treat you to the following:

Mañana (a Marcelo/Fito character study; rated T; 2914 words)

Before It Felt Like a Sin (4279 words of E-rated Marito smut you have been warned)

A Beautiful Agony (rated T; in progress 2/20 chapters; major focus on Marcelo & Eduardo; and Marcelo/Fito)

Lalo the Artist (rated G; 2457 words; just the three cousins being three cousins)

And of course The Worst of the Mountain Staring Back is one of mine as well.

But no, anon, you are definitely not the only person into these different ships! You are in very good company! Honestly, the fic community is small but the half dozen or so authors in it are really very talented and even though so much of the subject matter is emotionally heavy, everything that people put out is handled so well and with so much respect for the real events and individuals behind the fictional versions. And I feel like that's a very important distinction. These fics are written specifically about the fictionalized versions you see in the movie. They're characters much in the same way you would view fanfic for The Terror or Band of Brothers. As someone who has been around fandom for a very long time, you would think that would be obvious, but I've seen enough nasty comments from people to realize that this concept is sometimes difficult for some people to grasp.

[niadevbutreal]

[ULTRAKILL ACT 3 SPOILERS]

Goddamn talk about a difficulty spike. Almost P ranked the 7-1 but did a dumb dumb vs Minotaur. Wow I forgot how hard P ranking a level for the first time was. This act has that P-1 and P-2 energy of "can you parry? Well, it's time to learn". Mannequins are kind of annoying atm but godamn are they common in this act so far. Guess it's time to learn the whole punch them mid fall trick the terminals recommend.

Gutterman and Guttertanks are probably my new least favourite enemy (Mindflayers are old news, tbh they're just more time consuming than hard at this point), at least until I learn how to deal with them properly. Atm I'm Knuckleblastering the shield then Nailgunning them while going between cover and defaulting to ProBoosting + Rocket spam like this shit is a Cerberus. The Guttertanks are probably easier with the Freezeframe trick, but only 8 seconds to fuck up multiple Guttertanks which are not frail, is not fun.

7-1 is probably my favourite level, and it comes equipped with Big John from Erebus Reactor in Dusk (and probably other New Blood games) as the secret encounter and the tram battle is just plain cool. Minotaur gives me massive Phantom from Devil May Cry 1 vibes since it seems to die only to come back with less armour and enraged for a final, and even runs through narrow corridors earlier in the level, but I guess a Phantom reference in Ultrakill was inevitable since there are already more DMC references in the game than I can count (Agony and Tundra = Agni and Rudra from DMC 3 in case you somehow missed it, V1 and V2 being twin rivals, etc.) and it's probably DMC's most iconic boss after Vergil, besides maybe Nightmare and Nelo Angelo. ... Oh god we're going to get a Nightmare reference aren't we. Would be pretty cool if the final boss was God and it's one giant Mundus fight reference (still one of the cinematically coolest fights in all video game history btw).

Fuuuuck 7-2 last room. Not as much as 7-3's last room, though. That's a whole special breed of 'Hakita what the fuck'. About the first quarter of the time spent in the room is spent dealing with the machines and hell troops and that the last three are solely dealing with the blood tree's mannequin spawns.

7-4 is pretty cool too, even if the brain thing is kind of infuriating (skill issue I know). Pro tip - use the ledge on the side, and use it to more easily adjust your height for the next laser. Lasers you can't iframe immune via dash is something else though man, and a countdown before the whole thing explodes is sick as shit (Mallet Island reference :O)

I think it's pretty neat that the Hell and Heaven forces spawn near the end of level door in a room primarily flooded with machines who are canonically trying to go down, indicating that Hell really underestimated humanity and are trying to stop the machines from going apeshit on Fraud an Treachery like they have the previous layers, especially since Gabriel confirmed in 6-2 the first three levels are already depleted and destroyed. Oh yeah, and the tree of life might just be the endgame, since getting that might wind up making the machines immortal or even living again, and would explain why V1 is going straight to the bottom of hell as fast as possible instead of farming each layer individually. Violence being the Last War continued is pretty cool though.

My only complaint is that sometimes the Mannequins got stuck and couldn't do anything for some reason on one of the staircases in 7-1 and I got stuck looking for it for an entire minute because they have almost the exact same colour scheme as the stairs.

Worst level so far is probably 7-2, though, if solely because it is entirely possible to blow up the nuke by accident while respawning and winding up unable to progress and mandating restarting the entire mission (unless I missed the nuke refresh somewhere).

The grappling puzzles are surprisingly fun besides that though.

Good god I am not looking forward to P ranking the other three. I will probably want to die by the end of 7-3. I don't even want to think about P-3. No hints as to who the P-3 is beyond maybe the blanked out creator of Minotaur, but Minos got referenced again, so maybe it's Lucifer since bro is probably pissed as shit for being sent to hell just for asking questions and having the willpower to challenge heaven is a reoccurring theme for primes. Revealing that Hell itself has become Lucifer's Flesh Prison would be cool af though. That said it's probably some Greek king.

... oh god the new machines are going to be in the Cybergrind aren't they. Probably along with the Minotaur.

[porciaenjoyer]

first image transcription: [TODD, spoken] Oh, sir, no doubt the years have changed me. But then, perhaps, the face of a barber—the face of a prisoner in the dock—is not particularly memorable. [JUDGE TURPIN, spoken] Benjamin Barker! [TODD, spoken] Benjamin Barker!!!!! second image transcription: "I am neither Abbé Busoni nor Lord Wilmore," said Monte Cristo, "look closer, look further back, into your earliest memories."             There was, in the count's words, a magnetic vibration which revived the exhausted senses of the wretch for the final time.             "Oh, yes," he said, "it seems to me that I have seen you, that there was a time when I knew you."             "Yes, Caderousse, yes, you have seen me. Yes, you knew me."             "But then, who are you? And why, if you have seen me, known me, why do you let me die?"             "Because you are beyond salvation, Caderousse, because your wounds are fatal. If you could have been saved, I would have regarded it a final mercy from God, and would have tried to bring you back to life and repentance; I swear it on my father's grave."             "On your father's grave?" said Caderousse, revived by a divine spark, and lifting himself to better see the man who had just sworn this most sacred oath: "but who are you, then?"             The count had incessantly watched his agony progress. He understood that this effort to live was Caderousse's last. He approached the dying man and leaned over him with a calm, sorrowful expression. "I am..." he whispered, "I am..."             And his lips, barely parted, spoke a name in so low a voice that the count himself seemed afraid.

is anyone else thinking!!!!!!!!!! and btw that is my translation because i do not feel like rifling through my copy of the book for that exact page. find the original on gutenberg

[seretoningghost]

If I had to explain having adhd it'd be like this :

Its stupid hard. Especially when people just tell you "get better" or "your best is not good enough". Don't even get me started with getting and keeping motivation.

The absolute fact I'm able to do anything is wild, It's like I'm being split in 18ths by a log mill. My best is just that. MY BEST.

Its a mix of the old cringe saying were too many tabs are open - 18 on screen in various sizes - 6 minimized - ABOUT 10 frozen but hey, you can't actually tell because your stretched so far inbetween to check up on em all. And 4 different songs are all playing and you have no idea where its coming from.

And then imagine pong popping up on top of the whole screen completely random - not scheduled at all and there's no way to close it.

But the ball for pong - isn't the ball, its your mouse. And its your train of thought, and the tabs are your thoughts. Now thankfully god gave your jerry rigged system a sliver of hope - pong is translucent. Even better - you can interact with the tabs below.

However, with every passing second pong continues at a speed demon speed - pong will become less translucent, while that happens tabs will slowly close out until it's all gone.

Btw theres no way to beat pong, it just goes on until 'it feels like it'.. And when you click on a tab regardless of how hard you try - all other tabs will shut down instantly.

On top of that your using a shitty 4th party browser with no history - so you can't just pull up a closed tab.

So its balls to the walls or nothing. You can either accept that your going to loose all thought progress (this all usually happens when you were actually needing your brain) and just slowly feel agony as your brain is ransacked and ripped apart for all thoughts.

You can pray you can click back onto your most desired tab before it ghosts you forever.

Or you can just jump off the train and see where you land up, and build your little chaos brain kingdom there. Before pong inevitably shows back up again.

[strobbylemonade]

accompanying progress photos

edit: here's the sinner quotes in case the vfx are too strong. and you're not bothered to scroll to every half second. btw i kept all the spellings of names from the translations i used to prevent confusion. but it is still pretty confusing.

yi sang (the end poem of The Wings): I stopped my pace and wanted to shout. Wings, spread out again! Fly. Fly. Let me fly once more. Let me fly just once more

faust (god talks to mephistopheles about faust): He drives his spirit outwards, far, / Half-conscious of its maddened dart: / From Heaven demands the brightest star, / And from the Earth, Joy’s highest art / And all the near and all the far, / [But] Fails to release his throbbing heart.

don quixote (idk the context i stole it off of goodreads ngl): When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!

ryoshu (yoshihide, her inspiration, requested to watch a woman be burnt in a carriage so he could finish his portrait of hell. the emperor agrees to his request but burns his daughter instead): No longer did his eyes seem to mirror the image of his daughter's agonised death. His eyes seemed to delight beyond measure in the beautiful color of the flame and the form of the woman writing in her last infernal tortures.

meursault (at the end of the novel, before his execution, he realises the world doesn't care for him, and gains happiness through this realisation): As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world.

hong lu (pao yu/baoyu/hong lu discovers his soulmate died on the day of his arranged marriage, and falls into such a suicidal depression that his soul slips into the spirit world): Utterly broken, Pao Yu sank back on his pillows. It became black as lacquer before his eyes, and his spirit became lost in the semidarkness of a distant dreamland.

heathcliff (i don't think i need to explain this one): Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living. You said I killed you—haunt me then. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad. Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you!

ishmael (don't need to explain this one either): Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world.

rodya (sonia confronts rodion about his actions and he goes on a mad rant to her while trying to justify his actions, scaring sonia in the process. i thought this one was really good for rodya's "stagnation" in tkt): Did I murder the old woman? I murdered myself, not her! I crushed myself once for all, for ever…. But it was the devil that killed that old woman, not I. Enough, enough, Sonia, enough! Let me be!’ he cried in a sudden spasm of agony, ‘let me be!’

dante (another goodreads victim. appropriate for their job as manager): Through me you go into a city of weeping; through me you go into eternal pain; through me you go amongst the lost people.

sinclair (he comes to terms with his childhood ending - demian has dealt with kromer's bullying, but sinclair feels forever changed by kromer introducing him to sin/crime): What had once been Franz Kromer was now embedded in me. And in this way the 'other world' was gaining power over me from outside.

outis (ulysses returns home to his wife penelope, who assumes he is dead. in their house, he pretends to be a stranger to her): So here inside your home, question me about anything you wish except my family or native land, in case you fill my heart with still more grief, as I remember them.

gregor (his final thoughts before his slow suicide by starvation. i included the family line for irony. the apple in his back was thrown at him by his father): The rotting apple in his back and the inflamed area around it already hardly troubled him. He thought of his family with tenderness and love.

virgillius (virgil's introduction in Inferno): I will be thy guide, / And lead thee hence through the eternal place, / Where thou shalt hear the desperate lamentations, / Shalt see the ancient spirits disconsolate, / Who cry out each one for the second death.

charon (this is from Aenid, a latin epic poem by Virgil, the poet who inspired virgil in Inferno): The sullen boatman admits sometimes these, sometimes those; while others to a great distance removed, he debars from the banks.

and a sigmund freud quote about ego: Driven by the id, confined by the superego, repulsed by reality.

also more details in order of when they appear:

angela is far paler in her pale librarian form than her lobcorp form (i SHOULD HAVE included her eye pattern in her lobcorp form but i didnt)

benjamin's broken heart at the first “give me your heart ringing like” which is covered by his tie. some symbolism for him putting aside his morals to work for ayin (speaking of i really wish i included more ayin and carmen in here)

my friend called the pose where angela puts out her hand to roland the 'angela ibuprofen' and i cant stop thinking about it (said friend’s friend then sent her this video)

the first ... --- ... has the dots cover roland's face to mimic his perception blocking mask. the dashes show up in the order angela cuts off his limbs at the start of lor

lobcorp yesod is looking at malkuth because her death is what pushed him over the edge to develop contamination paranoia. also i thought it was weird they mention he was covered head to toe but he wore a crewneck t-shirt and an open labcoat so i changed it to closed labcoat + turtleneck

lobcorp hod has enkephalin on her hands because she feels guilty for what happened to netzach, both his death and addiction

enoch is completely uninjured in the lobcorp flashback

this is just hard to see but the crib is on the left of roland's flashback where he's sitting on the couch

i'm really satisfied with the gebura to olivier transition. yipeee.

puppet angelica's heart is exposed although its pretty hard to see

binah/hokma's 'hearts' are references to their lobcorp breakdown form

i forgot to colour in leviathan vergillius' eyes orz

and when the end credits start rolling the text changes to the taglines of the games (e.g. it says 'song: Face the Fear, Build the Future')

SAVE THIS GAME MR. A

[venusqueenoffaeries]

So after I cleared the Woodlands and the challenges showed up, I decided to take a crack at them. The first one was to clear the Deku Forest with fewer (four) hearts. Cake, I've done three-heart runs before, I can avoid taking damage when I need to. I thought it meant I would clear all of the Woodlands with fewer hearts, but come to find out that I'd have to pop balloons in the Buzz Blob Cave.

Fun fact: I'm terrified of balloons popping (and incredibly nervous when they're inflated too close to me). Not something I want to actively seek out in my enjoyable free time. Sooooo it's okay if I don't finish the challenges, right? Like I don't need to do all of them to beat the game? Good. That also helps me get back on a good pace.

I was stuck on one bit of the Abyss of Agony for ages: no enemies were there, there were no switches or puzzles, just a room of nothing, but I couldn't progress. Finally gave up to resort to a walkthrough, but it took me four walkthroughs to find the one that solved my problem: I had to take all three Links to this area, not just scout it. But I'm playing single player and this isn't a boss, why on earth would I do that?

I kept forgetting to take photos! I don't know what they do, but I felt like I was being scolded at the end of every round, haha. Otherwise, I did make it through the Riverside, so updated completion chart, 9/128.

That lone challenge feels like that post of a single cat paw print in snow (happy birthday to that classic, btw).

Back in town, I chatted. That one lady is mean, this literal clown told me about a monster gauntlet (we all know how much I love those), and Gasp! Shock! The witch who cursed Styla is Couture's sister?! Oh, yeah, I'm 100% assured I won't eeeever have to fight her.

[koipalm]

ii am such a proud proud hater for example i read so much of that one mxtx fic only for it to not be that good actually and i also read and watched enough of jjk to find out that it is also not that good either. i also read enough of bnha to figure out it was trash AND i didnt even need to play fire emblem to know it was not that good

[jeanmoreaux]

I feel the same way about enjoying the show more towards the end of season 7 bc of closure with Mickey and I think Trevor was mostly good for Ian. I also liked Lip a lot more through season 8 and how Debbie is progressing with her life. there’s something I would consider big that happens in season 9, idk if you know and I’m not entirely sure if you would like it or not bc of one of your reactions but I thought it was nice.

((i feel the exact same about debbie and trevor tbh))

uhhhm okay i just watched 9x06, which is apparently cameron monaghan’s last episode (but not really since he’s going to be a regular in season 10 again), and if you’re hinting at the episode’s ending in your ask then OMG IDK IF I LIKE IT OR NOT EITHER LMAO!!!

((SPOILERS FOR SHAMELESS SEASON 9 AHEAD, so just skip everything from here on if you haven’t watched episode 6 yet))

THEY BROUGHT MICKEY BACK FOR LIKE 50 SECONDS AND MADE HIM IAN’S CELLMATE!!???!!??!? ASJKDJKHAKSHKASLKA I LITERALLY THREW MY LAPTOP A FEW FEET AT THAT!

i have so many conflicting feeling right now it’s confusing! i feel surprised, happy, and oddly disappointed at the same time. it’s weird how emotional i got. The scene brought me endless joy and great despair at the same time. i just really miss mickey; he will forever be my favorite! and i am still a big supporter of gallavich being endgame ((when reading the following rant, please, bear in mind that my fangirl heart was really pleased with the final gallavich scene, even though this contradictory burst of opinion might suggest otherwise.))

I mean let’s be honest, an ending to ian’s story without mickey just would have felt wrong. he’s been such an important part of ian’s life and the only significant partner he’s had, so bringing him back for ian’s goodbye felt only natural. they have been (and probably still are) profoundly in love. you can see that in every single one of their interactions through the seasons. and it was a sweet ending to the story, yeah, but it’s not the satisfying ending (or reunion) i hoped for! there is absolutely no resolution to their relationship and all the shit they have been through. that was my main issue with the episodes in season 7 too, they never talked their shit out. they’re back together and everything is fine, when, clearly, they still have a lot of issues to resolve because things didn’t always go smoothly with these two.

In season 1&2&beginning of 3, ian seemed to be the one more invested; but since at least the start of season 4 mickey is the one putting more effort into the relationship. obviously, ian is preoccupied with coming to terms with his mental illness, so clearly he has to take care of himself before taking care of his relationship. but i mean season 5 is mickey supporting and loving ian unconditionally, taking care of him when the gallaghers won’t. and what does mickey get in return? a cruel breakup, ian’s sudden nonchalance, and absolutely no closure. (the writers definitely could have handled this differently. the end to mickey’s character in season 5 and the start of season 6 was just one massive shit-show). the season 7 reunion was a mess too, ian&mickey both deserved a better ending to their epic love story than what they got during these two episodes. again, there was no real closure either, but it’s half-decent. and now in season 9, the writers just throw them in a cell, together, and then they are like “yeah look at this endgame that we totally planned for in advance! we love our amazing endgame! actually, we love it so much that we didn’t even give it more than 50 seconds of screen time to give them some kind of satisfying closure! this was totally not rushed and unprepared because we are excellent writers! yeah, #gallavich #endgame, am i right?” so yeah, as much as i love that ian and mickey are reunited, i am disappointed with how their (apparent) ending was handled.

I NEED TO SEE THEM TALK THEIR RELATIONSHIP OUT! i need them to find a balance. i need them to get on the same page and not have mickey give and give while ian only takes and takes. it’s like ian is only with mickey when it’s convenient while mickey will always choose ian first, no matter what. everthing mickey does is for ian. mickey returned and sacrificed his freedom for ian. HE TURNED HIMSELF IN AND RATTED ON HIS CARTEL TO BE IN PRISON WITH IAN BECAUSE HE KNEW IAN WOULD HAVE A HARD TIME DEALING WITH HIS INCARCERATION ON HIS OWN! He cares so much about ian while, apparently, ian can’t seem to give two shits about mickey whenever he’s not around, from what we were shown. ian never went the extra mile for mickey thus far. ((that’s not really on ian, it’s the writer’s fault, but it taints the relationship nonetheless. they finally need to decide if they want gallavich to be endgame or not. they can’t keep their option open forever without ruining the ship.))

i love my boy mickey so much and seeing him hurt and heartbroken time and time again just destroys my soul. (like he repeatedly suffers bc he cares too much and loves too hard, that’s just not fair.) he deserves happiness, and i am not sure if that’s what will happen now that he’s in prison with ian as his cellmate. though i hope he and ian eventually get a proper happy ending, it’s become more and more unlikely, from what i have gathered. with ian’s character being back on season 10, this apparent gallavich endgame isn’t really a save endgame at all!!

cameron returning for season 10 is amazing, but i honestly don’t believe gallavich will survive ian’s return to the show. cameron stated in an interview that he chose to return bc he was intrigued by ian’s storyline for the next season. he also stated, in the same interview, that he would like to see ian bettering himself and growing into a responsible adult who takes care of his siblings, exploring stories beyond the quest of seeking and maintaining romantic relationships – which i think is fantastic, don’t get me wrong! with that being said (and noel fisher probably not returning for season 10), i don’t really see a chance for gallavich surviving past their prison reunion. are they ever going to be endgame? frankly, i am not sure. depending on how well they handle mickey’s departure this time around, there might still be hope. maybe i am too pessimistic, i don’t know? mickey’s character and gallavich have suffered so much due to bad writing, idk how much more both can endure before it’s Too Much. you know what i mean?

i hope i am wrong with my assumptions because i’d love to see ian and mickey’s relationship flourish again. they are one another’s big, true love, and they deserve a well-written happy ending.

my biggest fear atm is that they are simply going to kill off mickey so they don’t have to bother with the fans wanting noel and the gallavich relationship back.

I feel like, at this point, the writers should stop playing with us and either give us the gallavich relationship mickey and ian deserve or kill this ship for good. I think my heart can’t handle seeing mickey being poorly written out of the show in season 10 for a third/fourth time. it’s just… he deserves sm better!

despite my worries i try to remain hopeful, though!

[ayuki-ikuya]

I’ve read your ennead fanfic and i’m already in love with your writing😭 pls i need more ennead content 🫀❤️‍🔥

Tbh, I wasn't sure on how people would like Ennead Fanfic content since it's originally a BL, and people (specially in genshib fandom) that finds anything canon or close to being canon, will get offended by people making Fanfic that isn't GL or BL like the canon and will attack them for it.

While understandable, it is a FANFIC for a reason. A Fanfic is a person own interpretation which could be also seen as a timeline. By changing events to something else, it branches from the original to create something entirely different from what it was intended, which doesn't harm the canon version as it's all FICTIONAL.

If a person feels like their ship isn't getting represented, make the content yourself rather than bashing the people for it.

BTW, this is regarding about Yae Miko x Ayato and Yae Miko x Ei. I'm not a shipper myself because genshin is a fairly messy fandom regardless. Majority of the fights going on are literally going straight into "He said she said" fights. Lesbian Coded, that's fine, but unless explicitly said by the company themselves, it is merely there. And Proshipping (if you don't know is where an adult watches over a child until they are a legalized adult and enters a romantic relationship) is a common trope that is used in some fictions. If you don't like the content, don't attack or harass them about it. It's all fiction, they're simply characters that you don't know personally and they don't know you. Joke or not.

Anyways, sorry for my ranting, I'm just tired of all the shit going on in Genshin fandom about their ships.

Anyways, onto the ENNEAD content Anon has requested!

I'm gonna be fairly honest tho, I didn't know what fiction to write for ENNEAD, so I just wanted to establish who Apep/Apophis!Reader is.

Before I get straight into about Reader's character, I'm going to say that I combined Apophis/Apep with Nehebkau.

Nehebkau is a snake god who is considered a funeral god connected with the afterlife before they ended up considered an evil spirit. This god fitted nicely with the theme I had going on, which was Apep/Apophis originally being Nehebkau before ending up corrupted.

I'm just going to spit it out here, and I apologise, but you're name is going to be considered your sacred name, Nehebkau is your human name, Apep is your god name and Apophis is your fallen god name

Originally, you were named Nehebkau when you were human, but God had decided to bless you, and upon you reaching god hood thanks to Seth's curse and Ra, he renamed you Apep/Apophis.

Originally you had shoulder length hair that was the color of the sea. Although it was unfornately dirty since you were in poverty due to Seth. Now as a god, you're hair grew to the floor, and thankfully, you had managed to braid it to where it reached to the back of your knees. It maintains it's blue color, however, there is golden highlights amongst the blue.

Ra had blessed you with golden eyes to withstand the sun and see everything within the past in an individual along with being able to predict the future. This became difficult for you when you became god, and ended up wearing a veil to cover your face to obscure seeing the person directly despite the see through cloth. (The veil was actually made from the Ra's hair who found this amusing) You also have small faded blue scales around your body (underneath the eyes, your shoulders, sides)

Your headdress is much like the others except a cobra snake's head covering over your head with a veil hanging from it's fangs and sides.

As the story progresses, nearing about towards the end, you had accumulated a lot of chaotic energy to the point of no return. Thus, putting you in agony for days on end as you began to change, your hair had turned into a golden color, and the small blue scales are now fairly large and golden. You're eyes which used to be pure gold are now twinged with an amber red, resembling the sun. You had forgo the headdress and braid, your hair is moving and coiling even without the wind.

Even though you're a fallen god filled to the brim with Chaotic energy, you maintain rationality which is shocking as most who ended up becoming a fallen god, go insane and attack others. You? No. You are as calm and calculating as always.

Except, your aim is to attack Ra and fulfill your true duty as the true oppressor in order for Seth to become the hero. (And thus leading to where Seth protects the sun boat by fending off the snake)

And now onto you as a character.

In the beginning, you're shown to be a bit of an outcast, as there aren't a lot of snake gods, and snakes are often the sign of a bad omen. You're childhood friends with Horus, which is how you ended up meeting Seth when you were young.

When you met Seth again, you were merely watching from the sidelines, occasionally appearing alongside Horus or Isis depending on what fortunes you've have seen. So unfornately, Seth didn't have a very strong opinion in the beginning until during the trial as you were also an unknown god who isn't born a god.

both you and Horus undertook the trials together as one, occasionally splitting apart to do the trial in fairness. The trial you did was the water breathing trial. Which is fairly easy for you since you're pretty much a snake.

Unfornately, this lead to a draw as you both injured each other pretty well since your own ability is able to control snakes and able to shift into a snake. However, instead of a normal sized snake, you turn into a giant golden snake that reached across the entire Nile river, putting Seth under pressure as you were too large for him to take on, but because you haven't angered him nor cheated, he was particularly peachy, but okay with the draw if it was you.

The boat race turned to be the same since it's Horus.

During THAT night, you were in serious pain due to the chaotic energy you kept to yourself, and Horus offered you to sleep with him like you two did often when you were younger, which you agreed to since it would provide some comfort even though you're still in pain. (If you're a woman, think of having a cramp, but 10× worse. For men, think of a pounding headache but 20× worse.)

Horus became overly alert before you did as you were too focused in on the pain to notice anything. But when the covers were pulled off you, you had squinted to see who had lifted the blanket to see Seth there, staring at you.

But you turned away and ignored him with gritted teeth while you continued suffering until you were pulled on top of Horus and then yeah. NSFW content from there until Seth became fearful due to Horus being like his father and had unfortunately swept you along with him since he was still in you. And then so on forth with NSFW content.

I'm not gonna delve into all of it, but if you guys are heavily interested in this idea, I can start up a book on Wattpad!