#brushing over the enemies cuz most of them are dead

[linkbetweenlinksau]

What are each of the links relationships to their respective Zelda’s? Friends? Lovers? Strangers? Enemies? Family?

I hope you’re ready for an essay cuz that’s what you’re gonna get!

Sky: his Zelda is his lover! Idk how I’m gonna do their relationship… cuz the Sky arc that I’ve been working on is outdated and doesn’t match the new story of lbl so that’s super complicated lol. But he worries over her constantly and gets nervous when they’re apart. Separation anxiety am I right?? Groose is his best friend and they mean the world to me guys. They’re both himbos but groose is at least a smart himbo so he keeps Sky safe from doing super stupid things. He’s also really good friends with everyone in skyloft! Tho he had some rough patches with some of them after the events of skord for reasons, he’s doing fine now! And Sky is kinda awkward around strangers. He’s friendly and curious around them but compared to skyloft he’s never met them before so he says and does weird stuff, but he’s also chill so it doesn’t matter all that much. And Sky doesn’t have a family. Gaepora is an honorary father figure but overall his family is dead. So rip. His enemies are dead now but they were the only people he hated.

Minish: he and his Zelda are very very close! Best friends! Minish cares a lot about her and her well-being. Minish is good friends with all the Minish and with his Malon! Now… I’m kinda stuck on the lovers thing… cuz idk if it’s right to have Minish with someone? He’s the same size as an 8 year old and I’ve been trying to at least make his face look more 17ish, but I might make him a little bit more muscular since he’s a blacksmith and is very strong, but idk if I’d even be comfortable having him be a couple with someone else. Idk. I’ll see how you guys feel about it tho. Minish struggles with strangers, they think he’s kinda strange cuz he’s built like an 8 year old but is actually 17. He’s nice enough to them and he tries to be friendly but overall he keeps to himself. The major enemy that has affected him terribly was Vaati. He was 8 when he faced Vaati and he almost died (Hylia was the reason why he lived), and then he faced Vaati again during Four Swords (he was the first four swords guy, the one that takes place after MC). So Vaati is a bad subject for him.and then the only family that’s alive is his grandfather and while he is strict and scary, Minish loves his grandpa and they’re very close.

Time: his relationship with Zelda is complicated, cuz the Zelda in the adult timeline was someone he was super close with and was also in love with, however the Zelda in the child timeline is not the same person he loved. They barely know each other, and while the Zelda is nice, Time doesn’t know how to talk to her, plus when he told her about Ganondorf, he was more focused on finding Navi, so he didn’t stick around for that long. But he does care a lot about her, after all her influence helped him in Majoras Mask. Time doesn’t really have any friends, he never had the motivation to rekindle the friendships he had after what had happened. The only reason why he’s with Talon and Malon is cuz Talon was nice enough to take care of him when he was sick and alone. Aaaand cuz of that he fell in love with Malon and was able to accept that the timeline he is in is one he’s gonna be in for the rest of his life. He loves Malon a lot and he tells her everything, Talon doesn’t believe everything he says (but he will with my dumb crack au lol). Time is pretty intimidating around strangers but really he’s just as intimidated as they are. With enemies… the major one he’s looking out for is the FD, everyone else is either dead or suffering the consequences of their actions.

Legend: his relationship with Zelda is also pretty complicated. They are very close and have a lot in common, however, Tulip really loves Legend, but he doesn’t know how he feels since he hasn’t moved on from Marin. He’s confused around Tulip to say the least. I haven’t played enough of Legend’s games to think of anything for friends lol. Every enemy he has is dead, but he’s still upset about Ganondorf and Aghahim (idk how to spell his name bruh) since they killed his uncle. And last but not least, he has no family left, his uncle was murdered right in front of him

Hyrule: I’m taking a lot of creative liberties with him lol. He and Peony are super close and Peony has a HUGE crush on him. Hyrule respects Rose, and she is a lot older than him but she’s still a good friend to him. Hyrule is good friends with that secret Moblin, and he overall is a lovable himbo so a lot of people like him. The biggest enemies are the monsters trying to sacrifice him to Ganondorf, but luckily Ganon is dead so he doesn’t worry about him (or does he???) and he does have a living family! He just doesn’t know them or remember them! And he hasn’t met them in this au so he doesn’t know that exist! This is just a personal headcanon of mine so you can ask about his fam like… later or on my main blog.

Twilight: he and Zelda have a rooough relationship. They’re both so different from each other and Nebula comes off as cold and blunt which drives Twi crazy. They only really got along when they needed to and because Midna was a mutual friend, but overall they don’t like each other all that much. I’d say twilight has some good friendships, except he’s been isolating himself from everyone, but the resistance still talk to him and he’s still best buds with Fado, and Illia is still his best friend. For lovers, he still loves Midna and hasn’t really thought about anyone else. He kinda felt pressured to get with Illia so he doesn’t end up with her since she deserves someone who loves her the same way she loves him. Twi is pretty kind to strangers, all I can say. All his enemies are dead and the biggest enemy he’s facing rn is heartbreak. And family. Ah. I love his family more than life itself. His biological family is not alive but he was adopted by Rusl and Uli and they are such doting parents who try to help him feel better about what happened and stuff. And Colin adores him still and Rela (his new baby sister) is a baby and doesn’t know what’s going on but yeah. I love his family and Twi loves his family too. He’s just struggling with life rn so he hasn’t been with them a whole lot.

Four: ok, all the colors care a lot for Lily, Green has a crush on her however the others just see her as a really good friend. They grew up together since Four’s mom died when he was 3 months old, and the king was kind enough to let him be raised with Lily while his father was working, so they’re super close. Red has a BIG crush on Erune (from the manga), Blue is too focused on his teenage angst rn and Vio just does not care about love atm so it’s really only Green and Red with crushes lol. I suppose after lbl they’ll have their own friends except for Blue (who again is going through teenage angst rn) but ye. Green is polite and kind to strangers, Red is happy and joyful around strangers, Vio is rude but respectful enough towards strangers, and Blue is just pissed off all the time so strangers are scared of him. Their main enemy is gone now so they’re just kinda dealing with the affects of the four sword rn. And lastly family, their father. My absolute beloved. Their father is a very strict and serious man but he’s very worrisome and doting over his children (and Lily too. He kinda looked after her when he father died). They look up to him and want his approval, mostly Blue is struggling with the relationship tho (I just have a lotta thoughts on Blue ok??)

Windy: he wants to get maaaaaarrieeeeeddddd to tetra cuz he loves her so much and is such a loveable ray of sun shine around her while she looks pissed off all the time and I ADORE them. Telink is TOP tier. Windy is good friends with everyone since he’s just so sweet and mature but also very goofy and fun and strangers adore him cuz he’s polite around them. The biggest enemies rn are just dumb pirates and stuff, but Ganondorf really affected him negatively, so that’s a guy he hates. And family! I’m kinda basing his relationship with Aryll on my relationship with my older brother. Aryll looks up to him and Windy just looks out for her. His relationship with grandma is good and he adores her very much. Now for my favorite character friggin LINEBECK. He BASICALLY adopted Windy and Aryll, and Windy loves him very much cuz he’s a father figure who was able to stay, since his other father figures kept dying, but Linebeck is here to stay so he loves being around him. He’s also pretty anxious about his well-being cuz you know, father figures are always dying. Actually Windy is very happy on the surface but he’s EXTREMELY anxious about everyone’s wellbeing and feels responsible for them constantly. So oof

Spirit: he and phantom have such middle school crushes on each other and they’re very close and are best friends and they mean the world to me cuz they are so frigging cute and chaotic and yeah. I don’t think Spirit has too many friends except for Phantom, Niko and Alfonzo but they’re more like mentor figures than anything and Phantom is his Zelda but yeah. He’s kind and respectable around strangers except with his mutism it’s hard for him and others to communicate with him, and some rude people don’t have the patience for him to write everything down. He doesn’t have any major enemies and he doesn’t have any family so there’s that.

Age: he and Rune are good friends, tho they had an awkward moment since Rune had a one sided love for him, but now they’re close friends. Age is close with the champions and they’re all just vibing together, plus we can’t forget his friendship with Impa! They’re bffs! His lover is Mipha and they are engaaaaged and he loves her very much and it’s cute. Age is very proper and polite so strangers respect him enough. And then enemies are just random monsters or rogue yiga clan members and he’s mostly annoyed by them at this point. And he might have a living family, but Nintendo won’t explore him or his life so we’ll see when totk comes out with his family. If they still refuse to explore his life then I’ll just go with some headcanons. I do know that he def has a grandfather and a little sister, but it’s unknown if his father is alive, but I like to think he is.

Wild: Wild cares a lot for Poppy, it’s mostly just an instinct in him to care about and protect her even tho he doesn’t remember her all that well. Wild is kinda doing his own thing and vibing and he’s good friends with a lot people, like Beedle, Teba, Riju, Sidon, and Yunobo, so he’s not entirely friendless minus the champions that… you know… died. He doesn’t have any lovers, he would love Poppy but he can tell that there’s something there that’s keeping it from happening, that being him not being the same person he was 100 years ago, that guy being the person Poppy did Love, so he doesn’t dwell on it too much. He just vibes. Wild is fun with strangers cuz he’s sarcastic, punny, and weird and people like that fhdkdbjdbdkdb. Wild’s major enemies are yiga who are still trying to kill him and stuff, and tho they’re annoying they are still a threat to him. I’m not gonna go too much into it since totk needs to come out but yeah. And the family situation? Yeah they’re def dead by now. Kass is kind enough to invite him over for dinner from time to time tho so he greatly appreciates that.

Warriors: he and Queen Zelda are always pining after each other but they don’t actually do anything about it so they’re just super awkward and flirty and it drives everyone crazy like just KISS already. But Queen is really the only person he can comfortably open up to, and same thing with her. Around each other, they aren’t tied to any status or anything, they’re just people, friends hanging out, so they care deeply for each other. Warriors has a lot of good friends but he’s not super close with them, but he wants to be, he just doesn’t know how to. He actually used to have a stutter but with Proxi there to speak for him and with other help he’s able to talk normally, but he’s still very anxious around people. My warriors isn’t very smooth or confident he just looks pissed all the time but is socially anxious lol. He’s just like Time fr. He is good friends with Impa and Lana tho and he misses the people from different eras. His biggest enemies are dead however one major enemy that is still alive is Cia, who is really the only person he despises, but Cia doesn’t at all remember the details of what she did, so his hatred towards her is confusing for him cuz is it ok for him to hate her so much? She doesn’t remember anything and she’s good now so should he just move on? But yeaaah it’s a rough situation. And the only living family member is Linkle! His twin sister who he did not remember existing. They’re close enough, he gets annoyed with her sometimes but he still cares about her

[maiverie]

🧀 anon joining the CIA as in Central Intelligence Agency??? 😲

AND NO‼️here we do not apologize for prioritizing our mental health and other things in life !! actually when i pressed "sent" my internet was cut off so i was kinda scared my ask was deleted/ u didn't receive it 😵

i live in vietnam !! (also for the record i didn't know u live in australia until i scrolled a bit 😗) AND NOOO UR VIET IS FINE! (most of the media i watch/ read is in english + limited social interactions so my viet is just tragic... and i literally live in the country🧍‍♀️(the "i'm turning into a white woman" audio is literally me 😭) like can u believe i only know abt the new slangs and all after downloading tiktok (DAWG THIS IS EMBARRASSING 😭😭)

TYSM cuz some of the majors i might aim for has literature in it and well over the years i've considered literature my #1 enemy... (it's literally a joke/ univeral knowledge in my family (+extended) 🥲) UR ADVICE WASN'T IRRELEVANT ‼️‼️ IT'S ACTUALLY USEFUL FOR PART 1 IN THE TESTS (where they gave you part of a poem/ a paragraph and ask you to analyze the method and ur thoughts on the message)

mùa thu ở đây mát với trời mây mây, đỡ nắng còn mùa hè ở thành phố em thì nắng nóng ko chịu nỗi luôn, mùa đông mà tối đi á gió nhiều, có mấy bữa em bệnh chỉ vì thời tiết đó 🫠

enhypen. that's it. that's the thought cuz 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 (heeseung singing despacito got me 😳)

à chị cũng đừng cảm thức áp lực về việc inactive/ active trên đây hay viết truyện nha, để tránh bị burnout/ mất động lực á 💝 (im sorry if this sounds like im forcing u 😭😭 i don't know how to word it but i hope u get what i mean 🫶🫶🫶)

- em anon ☆

EXACTLYYYY im like ?? HUH??? CIA ???!!$&@

also yep i’m in australia rn 😭😭 which means i’m far away from everything 😟💔 also OMGGG whereabouts in vn do u live?? :0 my dad is from sóc trăng and my mum is from rạch giá !!! unfortunately i was born & raised here so my viet is like questionable at best (but thank u anyway for the encouragement hsjdjsjsj) and it doesn’t help that i don’t have many viet speaking friends 😭😭 i rlly gotta brush up on my viet tho (i’m actually visiting next yr hehehe) and ALSO DAWG WYS YOURE LITERALLY FLUENT ???? NOT U SAYING ALL THIS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I CANT 😭😭😭😭 AND HAJDJAA THATS SO FUNNY PLS EDUCATE ME ON ALL THE SLANG COS I LITERALLY DO NOT COMMUNICATE W ANYONE BUT MY PARENTS IN VIET SO IDK ANYTHING THATS LIKE YOUNG OR MODERN IF YK WHAT I MEAN 💀💀💀 i’ve tried to understand some but damn they’re complicated af like wth wdym gòy soq is supposed to be rồi xong idk if it’s just me cos i only ever speak viet to old ass people but like WHAT ??)&@$ it’s okay lucky i have u to guide me 😽🙏🙏

and omgggg no way??? so if not lit, what do u plan on studying for uni? :o ALSO AAAA IM GLAD !!! my exams for english were always the same 😭 they always gave us various texts and we just had to analyse + write essays on them so that’s what i rambled on abt devices and stuff BHSJDJJS

hahaha chị chỉ đi vn 1 lần (lâu quá r… chắc khoảng 10-12 năm? 😟). khi đó mùa hè, rồi chị kb đại sao mọi người mặc áo tay dài, nhưng sau 1-2 ngày chị mới hiểu đc mắy con muỗi ở vn là… idk … FUCKING RABID????? 😭😭💀 my GAWD chị ghét nhứt bị cắn con đó $@2@8;93&( đang nhớ lại chị bị ngứa 😭😭 aaaa thiết ha?? tội nghiệp em quá 😭😭 pls take care of urself 🥹💓💖🫶

ALSO OMG HAVE U SEEN THE NEW PICS FROM THEIR CONCERT IM SKFELFIEOIROEIRKDS (also IS HEESEUNG UR BIAS TOO??? idk if you’ve already told me or not 🫢 but it’s 2am here & my brain is half dead) also i’m not sure if you stan aespa or not but i believe they were recently in vn 🥹🥹💖

ALSO THANK U MY LOVE!!!!! aiya chị thương em quá nhiều so pls pls take care of urself and eat lots of healthy food MWAH MWAH 😽😽🫶🫶

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #186

This motherfucker.

We’ve built gods before. Kings. Entire freaking wacky races, each with their own special kind of vehicle. Why the fuck is this guy’s spear the most difficult build I’ve done so far.

There’s so few ways to add other physical damage types to a weapon in D&D that I’m going to have to make up a weapon just so we can do it. It’s just “spear, but deals slashing damage”, but given the fact this build literally would not work with any other kind of weapon. I’m just grateful he isn’t a saber. Honestly DW, what the hell? Casters can travel to other dimensions and stop time, but giving fighters multiple types of damage is too much?

Okay. Spear-induced breakdowns aside, Houzouin Inshun is a Kensei Monk for hopefully obvious reasons, a Battle Master Fighter for an even fancier spear and a bunch of ASIs for feats. We need so many goddamn feats, it’s ridiculous.

Deep breaths. We can get through this.

Build breakdown below. Character sheet over here.

Next up: To be fair you have to have a very high IQ to understand Shinkage-ryu.

Race and Background

No mincing words, Inshun’s a Variant Human, ‘cuz we need all the feats we can get. He gets +1 Wisdom and +1 Constitution, proficiency with Survival to help with the whole “wandering monk” schtick, and the Slasher feat, which gives you +1 Dexterity, and when you deal slashing damage you can reduce the speed of the creature you hit by 10′. Also, scoring a critical hit with slashing damage forces disadvantage on that creature’s attacks for a round. He’s also an Acolyte for his Religion training. It also gives him proficiency in Insight for some Knowledge of the Sowa.

Ability Scores

Make Wisdom first. You’re so good at reading people you can point out the flaws in your inner demon’s technique after a single fight. Make Dexterity second highest, you’ve got to be able to fight that inner demon too. After that is Strength, if you couldn’t tell from that full ascension art, Inshun’s pretty ripped. Your Constitution’s also pretty good. I know it technically wasn’t you in Shimousa, but getting your head cut off and surviving is going to give you a couple points no matter the circumstances. Your Intelligence isn’t bad, we just need other stuff more. That means we’re dumping Charisma. Despite being one of the first servants we summoned, I couldn’t tell Friend Point Spear Guy and the Shimousa character were the same character until I ascended them. A petty reason to dump his charisma? Probably. But he’s also given up on alcohol and meat, so he’s probably not super fun at parties.

Class Levels

Monk 1: First level monks get Unarmored Defense, giving them an AC of 10 plus your dexterity modifier plus your wisdom modifier. I mean, it makes sense. Lookit them abs, I bet most people just avoid hitting him on principle, like not messing with art. Ooh, speaking of, you get Martial Arts! It lets you use dexterity when you’re using monk weapons, and they all deal at least 1d4, which grows as you level up. Also, you can use your bonus action to punch people! You have to attack with your action to do that, though. Monks also get all kinds of proficiencies, like Strength and Dexterity saves, Athletics, and History. You’re good at working out, and you’re literally history. Easy picks.

Monk 2: Second level monks get Monk Level Ki points per short rest so they can do all sorts of cool things on their bonus action, like Dash, Disengage, Dodge, or attack twice with their fists. They also get Unarmored Movement for extra speed while not wearing armor (this also levels up as you do), and you can turn one non-monk weapon into a Dedicated Weapon! This lets you pick one non-monk weapon to use as a monk weapon (as long as it isn’t two-handed or heavy) at the end of a short rest. Now your homebrew not-spear is totally okay in the eyes of your DM. Maybe, IDK your DM.

Monk 3: Third level monks can Deflect Missiles as a reaction to reduce damage from arrows and those sorts of things. If you reduce it to 0 you can even throw it back for a ki point. You also set down the Path of the Kensei, which gives you all sorts of bonuses! You can pick certain weapons to be Kensei Weapons, which will be used for the rest of the class’ features. We just care about the spear, but you can pick others too! You can make an Agile Parry if you slap people while holding a spear, adding 2 to your AC for a round, or a Kensei’s Shot as a bonus action to make all your ranged attacks do more damage. You’re also good at writing now, I guess. You know the Way of the Brush.

Monk 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to grab the Polearm Master feat so you can slap people with the but of your spear as a bonus action. This deals 1d4 bludgeoning damage, but since it’s a monk weapon it’ll grow as you level up like your punches. You also could just use your punches, but we’re trying to fit all three damage types into a weapon, dangit! We’re not taking the easy way out! Plus, now you can make opportunity attacks when someone enters your range, not just when they leave it. You can also Slow Fall as a reaction for less falling damage, and you can use Quickened Healing as an action, spending a ki point to take a quick break.

Fighter 1: Bouncing over to fighter real quick for a Great Weapon fighting style, re-rolling 1s and 2s on two handed weapons. You like handling your spear with both hands  and a lot of your damage comes from slapping extra dice onto an attack, so it works for you. You also get a Second Wind once per short rest for even quicker healing. I don’t think there’s a lot of time between “head come off” and “dead”, so you’ve got to move quickly.

Fighter 2: Second level fighters get an Action Surge once per short rest for an extra action on a turn. It’ll be a while until we get our extra attack, so just... hang in there buddy.

Fighter 3: Third level fighters join their martial archetype, and the Battle Master archetype will let you do things with a spear most people can’t do with a whole armory. You get four Combat Superiority dice per short rest, which you can spend in a couple ways. If you make a Precision Attack, add that d8 to your attack roll. For more precision. You can also make a Pushing Attack to add that d8 to the damage and push a large or smaller creature 15 feet away if they fail a strength save. Finally, you can make a Trip Attack, adding the d8 to damage and forcing a strength save on the target. If they’re large or smaller and they fail, they get knocked prone. You’re also a Student of War, so you’re even artsier than before. Go nuts.

Fighter 4: Since we used your last ASI to add bludgeoning to the jumonji spear, this time around we’re grabbing the Crusher feat, for +1 Constitution to round it out and get some more HP (remember, it adds retroactively, so you get 8 extra this level). Also, once per turn you can push a creature you deal bludgeoning damage to 5 feet away if it’s large or smaller. Also, dealing a critical hit with bludgeoning damage grants advantage on all attacks against that creature for a round. Almost like blunt trauma to the skull isn’t great for your reflexes.

Fighter 5: Okay, almost halfway through the build, and we can finally get an Extra Attack. You attack twice per action, good job.

Fighter 6: We’ve got slashing with our homebrew, and bludgeoning with Polearm Master, but  that still leaves piercing out of the mix. Thankfully, there’s an old UA that will help us out here. Grab the Spear Mastery feat from Unearthed Arcana: Feats to beef up your spear even more, and grab that last damage type. You get +1 to attack rolls made with a spear, and its damage dice change from a d6/d8 depending on stance to a d8/d10. You can also use your bonus action to receive a charge, targeting a creature 20′ away from you or further. If that creature enters your reach, you can attack it as a reaction, dealing extra piercing damage. Also using your bonus action, you can increase the reach of your spear by five feet for your turn. Since your weapon is literally “spear, but slashy”, I’m pretty sure it counts for this feat. At least that’s what I’m going to say to keep my sanity. It’s either this or we multiclass into ranger for really dumb stuff.

Monk 5: Fifth level monks get their own Extra Attack, but it doesn’t stack so it’s not in bold. They can also turn those strikes into Stunning Strikes, forcing a constitution save by spending a ki point per attack. If the target fails, they’re stunned for a round. They can also take Focused Aim, spending ki points to add to their failed attack rolls, possibly turning it into a hit.

Monk 6: Sixth level monks get Ki-Empowered Strikes for magical punches. Kensei monks also become One with the Blade, which turns your kensei weapons magic, and you can use a Deft Strike to add your martial arts to weapon damage once per turn for a single ki point. So now you can tack on Favored Foe damage, a Deft Strike, and a Superiority Die to your attack, and all those dice can be re-rolled if they’re 2 or less. I’m not sure how good that damage is yet, but the act of rolling it should be satisfying.

Monk 7: Your last monk level gives us the ever popular Evasion for supercharged dexterity saves. Fails reduce damage by half, successes reduce damage by all of it. You also gain a Stillness of Mind to purge mental debuffs, like charming and frightening.

Fighter 7: Bouncing back to fighter lets you put that insight to good use by Knowing your Enemy, spending at least 1 minute to learn two things about a creature in comparison to yourself. You can learn about its physical ability scores, AC, HP, or total/fighter levels. You also get two more maneuvers and a fifth superiority die. A Sweeping attack deals extra damage to the first target, as well as a second target within 5′ of the first. You can also make a Riposte as a reaction when a creature hits you, making a melee attack and adding the die to damage.

Fighter 8: Use this ASI to complete your trilogy and grab the Piercer feat, rounding our your Dexterity for stronger attacks and a better AC. You can also re-roll one die of piercing damage per turn, and critical piercing hits get an extra die of damage. It’s a bit niche since you only deal piercing damage as a reaction, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t a nice surprise if it activates.

Fighter 9: Ninth level fighters are Indomitable, so you can re-roll a failed save once per long rest. Getting your head chopped off is automatically at least two failed death saves, so make sure you keep this handy.

Fighter 10: Tenth level fighters get Improved Combat Superiority, making your superiority dice d10s instead of d8s. You can use these new embiggened dice  on a Lunging Attack to add 5′ to your reach, or a Parry to reduce incoming damage from a melee attack.

Fighter 11: Eleventh level fighters get another Extra Attack, and this one does stack, so you get three attacks per action now!

Fighter 12: We’re finally done with all those fighting type feats. Now we can use this ASI to bump up our skills. Wait, he has a skill that lets him always get the first move? Dammit. Use this ASI to grab the Alert feat. You can’t be surprised, hidden creatures don’t get advantage on attacks against you, and you add +5 to initiative. Okay, the next one for sure, I swear it’ll be stats.

Fighter 13: Thirteenth level fighters get another use of Indomitable, for up to two re-rolled saves per long rest. It’s not flashy, but given your stats, they’ll probably come in handy. Don’t worry though, now that all those damage type feats are done, we can finally use next level’s ASI to bump up stats properly. What do you mean we’re at level 20?!

Pros: 

For a mostly mundane fighter you have a lot of flexibility in combat, with options for moving enemies around, weakening foes, and preventing them from getting to squishier teammates. You also get the most out of your weapon of choice, but can fight without one if necessary.

While using your Jumonji Spear, however, you can deal pretty consistent damage, with plenty of ways to add extra dice to your attacks, and the great weapon fighting style evening out their rolls.

While fighters aren’t known for their skills, you bring just enough to the table to surprise people, which is exactly how you want to use that insight of yours. You also get a bunch of artisans’ proficiencies, which are more niche but good for character building.

Cons:

Literally every ASI we took this build is a feat of some kind, and most of them don’t even offer half bonuses. That wouldn’t be too much of an issue, except a few of them are completely useless rules as written. Polearm Master is either incredibly niche or something you can already do by being a monk. Piercer only works by spending your bonus action and reaction for a single attack, which probably isn’t your best use of time.

Your maneuvers and kensei features are built around superiority dice and ki points respectively, both of which have very limited uses per short rest. Plan your fights carefully, or you’ll find yourself sputtering out fast.

We’re just using a spear here, they’re not known for their range. If you really have to you can throw it, or use a bow as a kensei weapon, but playing to character will not be fun against flying enemies.

[alirhi]

random story snippet

@goblin-tea this is part of that story I was talking about/sending you bits of. I'll get into the better stuff (imo) in a bit, but this is a much better example of what the main characters are like than what I sent earlier lol

“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, Toto,” she mumbled, still clinging to Audrey’s hand as she nervously followed Fiona’s example and took a moment to study the immediate area.

“No shit, Sherlock,” the blonde growled, yanking her hand away. Rebecca could stand there like an idiot if she chose, but damn it! She was going to explore and find a way home, right now. Clearly, her friend’s oh-so-brilliant spell had backfired quite horribly, and now they were lost, with no idea of where they were, when they were, or what was going…

Her thoughts were jarringly interrupted when Rebecca suddenly let out a short, high-pitched scream, causing both of her friends to jump.

“WHAT?!” Spinning to face the taller woman, she took a deep breath in preparation to chew her out, and then promptly hid behind her. “…Is that a dinosaur?”

“Deinonychus,” Rebecca confirmed in a reverent whisper. Her screech had been from excitement, rather than fear; the giant grin on her freckled face was evidence enough of that. Though she knew she was the only one who cared about the details, she still explained in a rush, “Fast, smart, and very deadly carnivore from the late Cretaceous period, probably the basis for the oversized velociraptors in Jurassic Park… A raptor’s colorful feathers make it look like a ridiculous, disproportionate toucan, which is probably why the producers chose to make it look more like our friend here. Fossils of the deinonychus have never been found with any indication of feathers.”

“It does have feathers, you walking Wiki!” Audrey hissed, stepping back. No way in hell was she going to stand there like an idiot and get eaten by some parrot on crack.

Fiona remained rooted in place beside the other redhead, though she did stoop to pick up Rebecca's forgotten staff, just in case the curious animal decided to attack. A tiny smile played at the edges of her lips at the toucan comparison. It did sort of look like one, in a weird way…

Swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat, their nerdy friend nodded. “Yeah… Most of this type of dinosaur did, so paleontologists kinda figured the deinonychus would, too.”

The prehistoric bird of prey studied them, almost seeming to ponder something. Just as Rebecca was about to make a Philosoraptor joke, the fascinating – if deadly – beast twitched, letting out a series of loud clicking noises.

“…Huh. Whaddaya know. That dude on youtube was right…” An answering call echoed from somewhere to the left of the three shivering girls, and startled the amateur paleontologist out of her daze. “Oh shit.”

“What?” Both of her friends shot her nervous glances, reluctant to take their eyes off of the giant predator. Why wasn’t it moving?

“Run.” When Fiona shot her an incredulous look, Rebecca shook her head. Normally, yes, she would caution against any sudden moves around a wild animal, but this was different. More clicks from their right, answered by the one animal they could see, illustrated why. “He’s calling in reinforcements – run!”

That was all the motivation the shivering blonde needed. With a terrified shriek, Audrey turned and bolted into the forest, Rebecca and Fiona hot on her heels.

“I think it’s safe to assume,” the oldest woman gasped out, jumping over a fallen tree limb, “that we’ve somehow been sent back too far.”

“Ya THINK?!”

"Now's not the time to get snippy!” Her lungs were burning, her legs cramping, and though she could hear the creature gaining on them, she had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t putting forth much effort. She and her surrogate sister were both overweight to the point of obesity, and as such, speed wasn’t exactly on their side. In fact, it had been one of the things they’d hoped to go back and change; if they never got fat, they wouldn’t have to deal with the health problems associated with it or the hassle of constantly trying and failing to lose it.

Risking a glance to the side, she noticed Fiona keeping pace with them, and winced. She was hanging back to help them, she knew. By far the skinniest and healthiest of the three of them, she was lightning fast compared to the other two. While both her companions were morbidly obese, Fiona was lithe and fit, with legs like a gazelle. She was going slowly so she could defend them with that big stick if she had to. That was the only logical explanation Rebecca could come up with. The fact that the 'big stick' was her own walking stick was momentarily lost on the eldest of the three.

Mother above, she prayed desperately, if there’s even a trace of magic left in my blood, please, please unleash it now to give us speed.

Too angry and frightened to bother with logic, Audrey just rolled her eyes, yelping when it caused her to trip over a rock and nearly sent her sprawling. Fiona caught her by the arm and helped her steady herself, and she managed a tiny grateful smile, even as she snapped at the redhead, “Shut up! It’s your fault that we’re in our own personal Jurassic Hell, being chased by a fucking raptor!”

“Cretaceous!” Rebecca snarled, dodging around a rather intimidating thorny bush. “And it’s not a raptor, it’s-”

“I DON’T CARE!”

“It’s actually quite fascinating,” Rebecca asserted through wheezing gasps for breath, “if you think about it. We finally… get to see… proof… that dino…saurs… were more like…flightless…birds…than…”

“I don’t give a shit if we’re being chased by an ostrich or a crocodile!” Audrey screeched before her friend could finish. “If I end up something’s lunch, it’s your fault! And you know what? Fuck you! Fuck your stupid spell. Fuck your obsessions. Fuck your fucking imaginary friend and the horse you both rode in on for good measure!” Even in a life-or-death situation, somehow an old inside joke popped into her head, and she managed to suck in a deep enough breath to scream, "AND YES, HE'S NAMED 'SIDEWAYS'!"

“Guys, this really isn’t the time to be arguing,” Fiona pointed out as calmly as she could, glancing over her shoulder to see how they were faring. It wasn't good. She could deal with Audrey and her rather offensive temper tantrum later, she decided; escaping the turkey-sized ball of feathers and teeth chasing them took precedence.

“Sorry…” Pouting a little, the blonde risked a glance back, and nearly wet herself when she saw that their prehistoric pursuer was getting closer and closer. “Oh, fuck me…” Something brushed the side of her head, and she jumped, but it was only a leaf hanging down from another large tree.

Wait. Leaf…tree… She glanced up, relieved to see that the branch was low enough for her to grab hold. Circling around so that she wouldn’t get caught by their feathered menace, she pushed herself just a little bit more and managed to haul herself up onto the branch. “Guys!”

“What are you doing?!” Rebecca cried, having been too focused on running to notice where Audrey had gone. Fiona had been taking up the rear, focus switching between the others and the predator, but had been looking primarily in the latter’s direction for a few minutes. When she turned and saw only Rebecca standing there, she froze and glanced around. As they spotted Audrey in the tree, they also became aware of the fact that their enemy seemed a lot closer than before.

“Can raptors climb?” Audrey called out, wincing as she watched the scene unfold. Though she had long legs and strong, muscular calves, Rebecca outweighed her by a good fifty pounds, and it was visibly taking its toll. She was tiring, and the blonde just prayed she could pull herself up to safety before that thing or its as-yet unseen companions ripped her apart. She had plenty of reasons not to worry too much about Fiona.

“Come on.” Urging her tiring friend on, the skinnier redhead decided to take at least this one cue from Audrey and circled around the trunk of a massive tree, making sure Rebecca followed. It confused their attacker, bought them a little time, and kept them from getting out of earshot of Audrey.

At her friend’s soft, gentle reminder of what she’d been asked, Rebecca frowned. She wanted to remind the treed woman that they weren’t being chased by a velociraptor, but dismissed it as a waste of time. Instead, she considered her question as she doubled back.

Could this breed of dinosaurs climb? “I…I’m not sure,” she panted, one hand coming up to press against her chest. “I don’t think so. Their arms are probably too small to pull them up.”

“Then get your ass up here!”

They reached the tree, and Fiona quickly jumped up like it was nothing, setting the staff aside and braced across two nearby branches to keep it from falling. She and Audrey then each stretched out an arm, hands extended to grab Rebecca’s and pull her up as the youngest of the three continued, “And pray Jurassic Park was wrong about more than just the raptor’s appearance, cuz here he comes, and if he brought friends, you’re toast!”

“It’s not a raptor!” Rebecca reached for their hands, though she harbored little hope that she could actually get her fat ass up there. With or without their help, in her mind, she was dead.

“Please note, you’re the only one who cares,” the other young woman grumbled, grasping her friend’s wrist and exerting every bit of strength she had left to pull her to safety. Rebecca had virtually no upper body strength, and without Audrey and Fiona, would never be able to make it up onto the branch, despite being taller than both of them.

She almost dropped the larger girl when she suddenly yelped. Fiona glared at her, trying to compensate by taking more of their friend’s weight until she got a better grip on her arm.

Still a bit startled, she searched Rebecca’s eyes for some sign of what the hell that had been about, and found only fear. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Pull me up! Pull me up!” Refusing to say anything else, she gritted her teeth and pushed with all her might, kicking all the while. What she knew the blonde couldn’t see from her perch was that the dinosaur had caught up to her while they both struggled, and had grabbed hold of her calf with its sharp claws. Suddenly, she was glad for the long leather boots that, only moments before, she’d been cursing.

As the creature went for Rebecca again, Fiona grabbed the staff and whacked it as hard as she could over the head. It turned on her for a moment, but before it could do anything, Rebecca kicked it in the face. Taking advantage of the opportunity she’d just created, she stood on the hungry animal’s head and pushed off. At last, she was seated on the rough limb, with the deinonychus just barely out of reach. Gasping desperately for air as she turned and clung to Audrey, she glanced down at the bewildered creature and managed a breathless “thanks!” The moment Rebecca was safely out of reach, Fiona crept along the branch and headed for a different one. The tree was old and strong, but the three of them in the same spot could easily snap the branch and send them right to the dinosaur’s clutches.

Once she settled on another perch, they sat there for a moment, contemplating their luck, both good and bad, and watching the hungry animal watch them. All three knew that with a little effort, the thing could probably reach the two on the lower branch with those lethal, powerful jaws. Since it had clearly not yet figured this out, none of them really cared. Audrey was exhausted and sore, the entirety of her plump body throbbing unbearably now that adrenaline had begun to flee her as she had fled the dinosaur. Fiona was desperately trying to get her breath back, and though she felt fine otherwise, she knew she’d feel like she’d been hit by a bus in the morning. Rebecca, too, was exhausted and sore, though the pain in her muscles and joints hadn’t yet registered. Her gaze shifted from the restless animal to the long jagged tears in the back of her skirt, which she studied with a sort of numb, detached fascination.

“Well,” she said finally, still scarcely able to breathe. “That was exhilarating.”

Fiona laughed.

“Exhilarating?” Audrey gaped at her. “Are you fucking kidding me? We just almost became something’s soon-to-be-fossilized lunch!”

Shrugging, Rebecca glanced down at the prehistoric lizard…bird…thing. And suddenly she felt pity for it, and all the living things around them. After a long silence, during which the deinonychus finally lost interest and stormed off in search of easier prey, she finally murmured, “We survived, didn’t we? That’s more than anything else in this time period can say.” Where were its companions? The question bubbled up out of nowhere, and once formed, refused to be dismissed. She'd heard it call to someone, and heard an answer... Or had she? Had she imagined it all?

“We don’t belong in this time period!” Audrey's reply startled her out of her confused reverie. Her voice was shrill, expression aghast as she stared at the other woman as if she’d lost her mind. Perhaps that was obvious. For a second, she considered that maybe shehad gone mad, and this whole nightmarish situation was just a scene playing out in her ever-overactive imagination.

Then she shifted, and the ankle she’d twisted when she tripped on a rock sent a twinge of pain up her leg. The idea of any of this being anything less than horribly, undeniably real was scrapped, and she glanced around. She would merely search for makeshift supplies, she decided. She would rewrite Rebecca’s stupid spell, and get them back to the present. If this experience was meant to teach them anything, she was sure it was that the past can’t be changed, which she was suddenly ready to accept as Gospel truth. Life sucked, but they could make it better if they just focused less on whining about it, and more on actually doing something about it.

A strange weight on her mind drew her from her thoughts and she turned to look. Rebecca was staring at her.

Huffing a bit, she gestured to her shredded clothing. “That’s going to get infected. You’ll probably die before the week is out.”

“Thanks, Captain Optimism,” the other woman growled, rolling her eyes.

“We don’t have anything to wrap it with!” she snapped, interrupting her friend’s attempt to assure her that she was fine.

“I can rip something if you want,” Fiona offered, gesturing to her clothes.

“We have no idea what’s poisonous and what’s not,” Audrey continued to rant as if the other young woman hadn’t spoken, “We’re about sixty-five million years away from peroxide, never mind penicillin. And all of this is assuming you just get some kind of nasty infection. Every carnivore with at least one nostril can probably smell all that blood for miles. If we don’t get the hell back to modern times, you are going to die!”

To shut her up, Rebecca sighed and reached down, shoving her torn skirt out of the way to show the long scratches across her boot. She could see them alright through the slashes in her skirt, but clearly Audrey was less observant. “I’m not bleeding, genius. He was aiming to grab, not gut; he didn’t get through the leather.” She gestured, but wasn’t the least bit surprised when Audrey only shook her head and looked away.

“I’m just worried about you,” she whispered, much more subdued as the fight slowly drained from her. “You got lucky this time, but as long as we stay here, we’re in danger every second, from everything.”

As if only just then remembering that Fiona was there, she whipped around and stared up over her shoulder at her. "And how the hell are you still corporeal? How were you ever in the first place? I mean, nice to meet you, I guess? But what the actual fuck is going on?!"

[love-the-purple-cat]

Oh don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me - Chapter 1 Part 5

“Yer hair again?” She asks, idly kicking one of the men when they try to get up.

“Not quite. They got mad I beat up their men who made fun of my hair and decided that I needed to be taught a lesson.”

She snorts unattractively. “Do ya even like yer hair colour?”

Once again, Ichigo pauses in though. “...Why do you ask that?”

“Cause, no offence, but yer hair keeps gettin' ya inta trouble, and ya don’t even seem ta’ appreciate it. If it’s too much then just dye it sumthin' borin'.”

...It’s not that he hadn’t thought about it, it’s just that it was one of the few connections he had still with his mother. Dyeing it seemed like a betrayal, and felt like giving up and admitting defeat after fighting others about it for so long.

“Ah, that does sound like a good reason not ta' dye it,” She says when he unintentionally thinks aloud. “But yer missin' ma' point: Are ya happy wit' yer hair? The colour will still appear when ya grow it out, it’ll just be temporarily hidden.”

He lightly fingers a strand. It was getting longer.

“I'll think about it.”

She nods. Neither pleased nor displeased.

 ------------------------

“Come over this weekend.”

They are eating lunch in her classroom, in a way celebrating becoming friends after knowing each other for a month. Her classmates occasionally throw them looks that they ignore.

“Sure. What are we goin' ta' do?”

He thinks of the box of black hair dye that he got on his last shopping trip with Yuzu two days ago. Yuzu had looked at him questionably but hadn’t said a thing to their family. “I need help with my hair.”

Cherī raises a brow, not getting the hint.

“I’m...” He swallows, eyes flickering to the other people in the room. “I’m thinking of trying something new. That thing you talked about a few days ago.”

It takes a moment longer for her eyes to light up in recognition and understanding. “Sure, where will we meet up?”

The corner of his lip twitches up.

 ---------------------------

“Yer mom famous or sumthin'?”

He looks to where she is examining his mother’s poster. “No, my dad got it after she died.”

She appears to be contemplating something before looking away. “So, where’s yer bathroom? Ah’m not gonna lie, da dye will stain yer bathtub/tiles like a bitch when ya wash it out. Best ya put on some old clothes too.”

Ichigo nods and leads the way, feeling nervous and calm at the same time.

Cherī orders him to sit on the edge of the bath, or bring a chair but then there’s a chance that it would be stained so he doesn’t. She starts by brushing his hair and parting it before beginning. “Ya sure ‘bout this, Ichigo?”

“Yeah.” His tone is breathless, heart thumping hard in his ribcage and something is lodged in his throat.

“Okay.” Her voice is soft and quiet, though not in comfort. It just is.

His eyes close, a foreign calmness taking over him as she works on his hair. It isn’t as short as it used to be, but it isn’t as long as he would have guessed it would be after not seeing a hairdresser for nearly a year.

“An’ now we leave it fer 25mins.” Her voice arouses him from the half-asleep state he had been in. He turns to look at himself in the mirror, but she blocks his view. “Let’s leave that fer later, okay?” Her voice is soft again.

He swallows thickly and nods. “Okay.”

They go to his room. They don’t talk, not really, but the silence doesn’t feel suffocating. She looks around the small space, and the though of how empty his room looks strikes him. There is only the essentials of a bed, a desk with a corkboard over it, and a chair. It doesn’t have any personality.

But, why does he care what his room looks like to an outsider?

“Ya got any favourite books?” Cherī asks, done looking around the bare room.

“Shakespeare.” He answers automatically.

“He’s good. Don’t know much ‘bout his works, only Romeo an' Juliet an’ that’s just a general idea. Ah like Dracula, an' Dr.Jekyl an' Mr.Hyde. Ya know, books wit' what could be considered a homoerotic undertone nowadays.” She looks at the notes stuck on the board. Most of them are related to school or past commitments so he doesn’t see a problem with her looking.

“Ya got any relatives? Ah got at least two first cousins an' a bunch of other great aunts an' uncles that ma' parents want me ta know ‘bout even though Ah only meet ‘em once every five years. Kinda pisses me off when they get annoyed that Ah don’t know any of their names, but that’s what happens when ya barely see someone.”

He blinks. This was the first time since the first day that she is mentioning family. “Not on my mom’s side, I think. But on my dad's...”

Did he have relatives in Soul Society? There were quite a few similarities between him and Kūkaku, and Ukitake-taichō had mentioned that he looks like his former lieutenant Shiba Kaien.

“’s okay ta' not know.” Cherī says. “Family’s confusin' sumtimes, an' it doesn’t help when they keep secrets, or don't bother mentionin' important stuff.”

She was right. His father had kept the fact that he was a shinigami from him, what’s one more secret?

“Time ta' wash yer hair. Ya need help wit' that?”

“No.”

She doesn’t smile, nor does she frown. “Okay.”

 -------------‐-----------------

He doesn’t like how he looks.

No...

He hates how he looks. He looks way too similar to Kūkaku, with his sharp chin and eyes.

He looks way too similar to them.

What was one more secret?

-The past is never dead. It’s just buried underneath soil and concrete-

“Ichigo,” Cherī calls, brown brows furrowed in concern. “Are ya okay?”

No. “Yeah.” He croaks. He clears his throat and tries again. “Yeah, just getting used to the new look.” He tries to smile but it must have come out as a grimace with the way she frowns.

“Okay. Ya got a dark hat or sumthin'?”

“Why?”

“’Cuz we're goin' ta' da store an' we're gonna buy ya a new dye.”

“This one is fine.”

“No, it ain't.” Her voice is a touch harder. “It’s makin' ya sad an' that’s da opposite of what we were aimin’ fer.”

“Cherī-“ He tries but is cut off.

“There's nothin’ wrong wit’ not likin' how ya look. Nothin' wrong wit' not likin’ black.” She says, and for a single moment, it feels as though she is talking about something else, like she knows what his inner tumour is about. “Let’s go get ya a new colour, Ichi.”

He nods, and chokes out an “Okay.”

 -----------------------

They're at one of the shops on the main street.

The first thing that greets them when they enter is hair dyes on one side of the aisle and deodorants on the other. Ichigo browses through the ‘natural’ colours first before going to the more ‘fun' – as Cherī calls them – ones. 

 All the colours of the rainbow were here: red, green, blue, purple, yellow and orange, along with a couple of other colours, each having different shades from lighter to darker. 

“When Ah first started dyeing ma' hair,” Cherī says, picking up a box and examining it. “Ah did it in ma' favourite colour – purple. Months later, Ah found out that if Ah planned on continuin' ta' dye ma’ hair fun colours, da colours would need ta' be ones that can easily be turned inta the next. Fer example: Ya dye yer hair blue, few months pass and ya want a new colour, yer either gonna havta bleach it or yer gettin' it done in green. Understand?” She places two bleaching kits in the basket.

Ichigo nods, examining the colours. His eyes stray towards the blue dyes, specifically the one that reminds him of Grimmjow.

He swallows.

Several months have passed since he had last seen the Espada; how would he react if he were to see him now – powerless and alone?

Well, he glances at Cherī as she compares two different shades of pink, not quite alone.

“Do ya like blue?” She asks, both boxes securely placed in the basket.

“Yeah,” He wets his lips. “I do.” It feels like he is confessing a sin by saying those words and thinking about his enemy. Were they even enemies now?

“Then get it.” She doesn’t reach for the box, preferring to wait for him to do it.

“It will clash with my complexion.” He argues weakly. Raising two girls since he was nine forced him to dive into fashion and learn the rules: body types, complexions, colour schemes and such. There were many other things he had to learn and do while his father was in mourning to survive but now was not the time to think about the past.

“So? This ain’t a fashion statement, Ichi. It's about makin' ya feel good and happy. But... if ya want a more autumn colour we can get red.” She reaches for the box and he grabs her wrist.

“No, not red.” Red reminds him of Renji, who reminds him of Rukia. Neither has bothered to visit him the months following Aizen's defeat. The excuse of him being unable to see them wouldn’t fly, not when he knew Urahara keeps gigais in his shop.

-There are bodies in the soil-

“Okay.” She says, slowly pulling her hand away. “Not red then. Bad memories?”

He winces, releasing her wrist to rub at his neck. “It’s... complicated.”

The girl huffs, “What does it remind ya of?”

He meant to say, “Nothing”. He wanted to say, “Renji”.Hell, he could have said nothing and she would have accepted his silence as an answer. Which is why he is so surprised when the word leaves his mouth without his permission.

“Blood.”

And it is true. The shade she was reaching for also reminds him of blood. It makes him remember the wound he had been inflicted in Hueco Mundo, where he quite literally died and was dead for a while, long enough for his inner Hollow to take control and battle the cuatro Espada Ulquiorra and win, before he managed to wrestle back control of his body. It also reminds him of the markings on his hollow mask.

Cherī looks surprised - not mortified, just... surprised. “Okay,” She repeats. “Not red.”

She’s examining the colours, searching for one that would fit his complexion, when he reaches forward and plucks the blue, Baby Blue, one and puts it in the basket. She doesn’t question him, doesn’t even indicate to have seen him do it but he knows she saw him and he appreciates her silence.

“What ‘bout green?”

His first though is Ulquiorra with his acid green eyes, marble skin, and black black bat wings that carry him over the sands of Hueco Mundo.

His second is Nelliel.

 “I like it.” He picks a turquoise shade called Mermaid.

“Pink?”

He likes pink, he's worn it often enough when he was younger and his sisters wanted to dress him up, but...

“No, not today.”

“Bad memories?”

He thinks of Yachiru, the girl with what he would describe bubblegum pink – even if that shade is called Cupcake here – hair and the man whose shoulder she would ride on.

“Not really.”

She nods, then juts her chin violently towards a reddish-pink colour named Love Letter. “What ‘bout that?”

The colour is nice so he gets it.

They continue on like that for a while, choosing and comparing colours - some of which repeat since Cherī also likes them - until the basket is overflowing. As a final colour Cherī chooses Snow – a pure white colour that reminded him of his inner Hollow's hair.

There's so much hair dye that he wonders whether he would ever be able to use each at least once.

The cashier is baffled by the amount but remains silent while she rings them up. It's as the numbers climb higher and higher that he begins to worry, given that he hadn’t brought that much money. But before he can open his mouth Cherī is already handing her credit card with a, “Could you also add one strawberry and one cherry flavoured chapstick? Thank you.”

He turns to look at her in bafflement. This was the first time he hears her speak ‘properly’ and it honestly unnerves him.

“Not ev'ryone can understan’ me, Ichi.” She says, handing him one of the bags.

They make their way to his house, talking about which colour they should do first. Cherī wants to see him in Love Letter or Milan – a light yellow colour that reminds him of an éclair's filling – but he says that he wants to try Baby Blue. She nods and gives him the strawberry chapstick.

“Yer lips are chapped.” She says and he accepts it.

[saintheartwing]

Lily’s Post about Mary Sues

Let’s analyze this. 

None of those series you mentioned have characters that could be labelled as Mary Sues

Clark Kent, Goku, Luke, Anakin, Kirk.

Okay, a Mary Sue or Gary Stu has to be, basically, either an author avatar or stand-in, they tend to be beautiful or really handsome, have unusual, or dramatic backtories, are “chosen one” types, all of the main characters in the group will love them or admire them and those that don’t are always portrayed as in the wrong for not doing so, this kind of thing. They tend to be overpowered as well and they possess unique, special powers. They’ve basically overpowered, over-idealized, beloved by anybody and if you DON’T like them, you’re clearly in the wrong. Oh, and everything they do is treated as good, and if they DO screw up, hey, it’s no big deal. Any actual flaws are negligible or nonexistent. Like being “Naive” or wearing their heart on their sleeve. 

Let’s take a look at...Superman. Well, he’s got several big weaknesses. Kryptonite, for one. And Magic. HUGELY weak against magic. He IS overpowered and he is mostly beloved by everyone...but he has made a LOT of mistakes. Especially when it comes to Batman. Whenever Batman is involved in a story with him, it’s Batman who’s right, and Superman who’s in the wrong. Pretty much all the time. “Darkseid is dead, Superman.” “You know what Bruce? You’re not always right!” But Batman WAS right, at least technically. Batman regularly beats Superman in several stories. So Clark isn’t always treated as right. On top of that, he does have some real character flaws of constantly being torn between wanting to do more and being afraid of how far he should go. And when you have GODLY strength, that’s a huge exploit, especially for supervillains. But...he does fill a lot of the Mary Sue tropes, so we’ll give Lily some credit. 

Goku? Well Goku is a moron. The story always treats his stupidity as being a huge problem. One that CONTINUES to cause issues, and has even nearly gotten his world destroyed a few times. He’s even gotten himself and his friends KILLED cuz he couldn’t think of any other way but to sacrifice himself or the like. AND he has serious anger issues. When he’s furious, he’s almost uncontrollable. The only person more so is Vegeta. He’s also a pig who eats too much but we can sorta overlook that last one because being a glutton is played more for laughs and “He needs it to keep up his strength”.  How about his powers? Well he’s DEFINITELY overpowered. Is he handsome? Well, he looks pretty good. And he’s well-liked by pretty much the whole main cast except for, of course, the villains. So we could say...yeah. Goku’s kinda Mary Sue-ish. 

Luke? Well...not really. Luke isn’t naturally gifted or talented like Goku or Superman were. Despite having the POTENTIAL to be great, his Jedi skills started out so poor he couldn’t even block blaster bolts using the force alone. He had to train for weeks if not months under Yoda just to get somewhat up to snuff and he STILL failed. “Don’t go into that cave with your weapons”. He goes in. Sees Darth Vader and...oh, wait, it’s HIMSELF he’s killed! You were put to the test and you failed. He can’t lift large objects with the Force. He’s reckless, he doesn’t think things through and he often has to rely on help from OTHERS to succeed. He only got that one-in-a-million shot on the Death Star because Obi Wan’s ghost spoke to him in his head to help guide him. He only got away from the first Death Star because Obi Wan sacrificed himself. Throughout the first two films, he’s just not good enough. He loses to Darth Vader MISERABLY, and he even loses his HAND. A real Mary Sue would have won, or at least held Darth Vader off, or tied. Worse still, he’s not just dangerously reckless and kind of whiny...he’s got a serious anger problem that rises up in the films, he almost outright gives in to the dark side. But other than that, he’s just some country bumpkin who happened to luck out at finding the right droid. All his powers, he basically earned, showing a classic heroes’s journey growth. So that, combined with the huge failures in the first few movies and even if we factor in the sequels and the stupid, dumb decisions he made...he’s not a Mary Sue. A Mary Sue wouldn’t f--k up that much. Or if they did, it wouldn’t be treated as his own fault, or as a bad thing. It’d be brushed off.

Anakin! OHHH boy. This guy is a whiny little brat. I don’t know if people realize this, but...Lily, NOBODY LIKED ANAKIN. Anakin was unlikable BECAUSE he was a Mary Sue. You DO realize this, right? He was overpowered, treated as the chosen one, and he was super whiny at that. But you know what? At least the story treated him doing awful stuff as the wrong thing. Him being reckless? A bad thing. He should listen to Obi Wan more. Him casually killing someone through the back in the Clone Wars? A bad thing, he could have just knocked the guy out or cut his arm or hand off, what he did was murder. Anakin murdering the entire tribe of Sand People that kidnapped his mom, leading to her death? Shown as a VERY bad thing because he slaughtered ALL of them, even women and children. Anakin becoming Sith and killing kids? SUPER bad thing. 

So at the very least, him doing morally reprehensible things is treated as genuinely bad. At least the story calls him out on this. 

Kirk? Uh, Kirk is just a random human. He’s not exactly super strong or super intelligent. He’s clever and he’s fairly skilled in combat, and he’s definitely good looking, but he’s no ‘chosen one’ like so many of the others. Has he got flaws? Yeah, he’s got a temper. And he  flagrantly disregards the rules. And he DEFINITELY is something of a skirt chaser. But he’s not exactly overpowered enough to be considered a Mary Sue. He hasn’t GOT enough powers at all to be counted as one. Plus, when you consider how he died? A real Mary Sue would get a far better and more dramatic death, if they died at all. So Kirk? Ahhh, not really. He’s not a Mary Sue. He’s just not powerful enough to be one and he’s no chosen one. 

But your characters? Well, let’s see. Rey is a chosen one. So is Aliana. And Aliana is descended from a LONG LINE of superpowerful Sith. She’s basically “old money”. It runs in the blood. Pretty Mary Sue right there. They’re overpowered? Yep. Very. They easily beat the crap out of Kylo Ren. Do all the main characters like them? Yeah. And any that don’t are always treated as wrong, like Leia, or enemies, like Kylo Ren. They fit the definitions to a T.

can never be wrong

“So are a lot of characters in popular culture”

Except that’s not true. Superman, as I’ve shown, has been wrong quite a lot, especially when arguing against Batman, or Wonder Woman. Superman having to kill three Kryptonians who had did a literal genocide of an alternate Earth was portrayed as VERY wrong and it haunted him for years and years. Anakin was VERY, VERY wrong. The minute you do mass murder, you kinda instantly become wrong. Kirk ends up being very wrong in the final film he’s in. He doesn’t want to leave his heavenly alternate reality, it’s PICARD who has to convince him to stop being selfish. Goku is stupidly wrong when dealing with Cell, he really screws up and it gets his mentor and a few of his friends killed because he couldn’t think of a better way to get rid of the about-to-explode Cell than to teleport him to King Kai’s moon. He could have just teleported him, say, the serpent bridge, THEN teleported back if he really thought the explosion was gonna be so big it’d take out the entire world but...nope! Then there’s how he handled Majin Buu. He THINKS he doesn’t have to use fusion with his son. After all, Majin Buu has just lost a ton of power! He and his son can beat him normally...then Majin Buu catches him off guard and claims his son. Nice going, Goku, he was weak and instead of doing what everyone told you to do, you whiffed because you assumed you could handle it. And then there was his whole “Okay Vegeta, you finish off Frieza while he’s all Golden”. Big mistake. Frieza does a self-destructive attack that BLOWS UP THE ENTIRE WORLD and Whis has to literally TURN. BACK. TIME to fix this. Thanks, Goku. You COULDA just finished Frieza off like you did last time, but noooo! You had to indulge your friend’s ego. Luke? Luke’s been wrong a ton of times. Even if we ignore the sequels and the stupid way he handled Kylo Ren and hiding off on some podunk island, he ignored Yoda’s advice multiple times, he took off to fight Darth Vader, and he lost miserably. 

Basically, every time these people do something wrong...it is, for the most part, TREATED as the wrong move by the story. That’s NOT the case for Aliana or Rey. Casually killing a guard for harassing a refugee? Cold blooded murder? Not portrayed as wrong. Overkill of guards at Canto Bight? Not even REMOTELY called out, nor the whole “mass forced suicide” thing. Killing Rey’s parents in cold blood when they were unarmed? Barely glanced over. What’s portrayed as wrong was keeping that a secret, not the MURDER thing. SHOOTING LEIA WITH ELECTRICITY? Not even REMOTELY treated as going too far. 

are always victims

“Can’t imagine why a woman who suffers from PTSD writes characters who have suffered trauma in their lives. It’s a fucking mystery.”

You realize though this makes Aliana an author-avatar/stand in though, and that enforces the whole “she’s a Mary Sue” thing, right? 

and bend the narrative to suit their needs

“If they were villains you wouldn’t complain about it this insessantly.”

But they’re NOT villains. When a story has a hero doing this, even when it has a villain doing this, that’s bad writing. Having Leia reasonably point out the fact that the Republic has every good reason to not trust a Sith and Aliana can’t just bully them into going along with everything she wants...and then having Aliana just SPONTANEOUSLY summon her own WAR FLEET to go “Sword of Damocles” on Leia and the Republic? That’s bad writing. It comes out of nowhere, no build up, and exists ONLY to tell Leia and anybody who has a problem with how Aliana’s doing things to SHUT UP I’M IN CHARGE. It’s bullying, bad writing.

Also, those other characters mentioned have other characters who will call out people like Luke or Kirk if they mess up. And Luke and Kirk or Goku will go “Yeah, you’re right, I should listen to you” and they have to change...or at least say they’ll try to. Does anybody in your story do that? Well...no. Because ANY objection to how Rey or Aliana does things is treated as BAD and WRONG because they’re the main characters, and thus everything they do is right, even if it’s morally repulsive and if ANOTHER character shot lightning at a middle-aged woman for a nasty comment, they’d be the bad guy.

Anyway, said my piece. Lily really has absolutely no self-reflection on this. She can’t handle actual criticism. All this is is DEFLECTION and PIVOTING away from your own story’s problems.  It’s very easy to crow about how popular your work is when you dismiss and delete all actual critique and criticism. 

[detective4blog]

Random Johnitary, Johnstian, and Mormorson AUs I haven't written bc I'm lazy and also just unsure.

-Victorian, except John is a vampire in a spooky (ish) mansion and Jim is a traveler caught in the rain except he purposely goes to John's place because vampires are cool. So now John has this enthusiastic and curious (ex) math professor now living with him.

-Mike Stamford introduces John to Jim instead of Sherlock, and John decides hey, fuck it, I need a place might as well get to know this guy. So Idk they become friends enough to live together on good ol' Conduit Street! Basically John becomes the voice of reason for Jim and Sebastian when it comes to crime. Oh and helping with the occasional injury and accidentally sparking ideas when asked medical questions.

-A classic coffeeshop AU. I have no idea for a plot I just. C o f f e e s h o p A U.

-Double agent!John. Maybe he turns to Jim after finding out Sherlock isn't dead. Reason why I don't write this is also cuz it's a really big canon divergence that I frankly am not comfortable with. But I can daydream.

-Soulmates in which the world is black and white until touching your soulmate for the first time (and not a brushing touch kinda way). John helps Sebastian after his tiger attack and some color comes into their worlds. Blues, gold, dark greens. Both are confused and kinda don't do anything. Especially considering, y'know, Seb nearly dying? Skip ahead a couple years to the pool scene, when John grabs Jim. Now all color comes to them both (because obviously Jim and Seb know each other) and then it clicks for the three.

-Some kind of royal AU.

-Teenlock (but also kinda modern), John being a "bad influence" on Sebastian, but Seb is happy with John, and he feels alive with him. Sneaking out, sneaking John in, running away from trouble, laughing and joking all night, playing video games and watching shitty movies, Sebastian talking about space and John listening happily...then the crushing starts.

-TRANS SEBASTIAN. that's it. that's the AU????? Or trans John! Or Jim!!

-Sebastian being a vampire and (kinda) managing it rather well, most because Jim is like "AY bite me ;)". Not sure how John comes into play but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-Wrong Number AU, except it's really "hold the fuck up, Sebastian?!". So it's really "I accidentally texted you but we knew each other and how the FUCK have you been you bitch?" AU.

-Fake dating John and Sebastian (maybe for a mutual case...idk).

-Teenlock again but let's slap some vampire Sebastian into it. Annnd that's it tbh that's a good amount of angst right there.

-Penpal AU? Sounds kinda interesting.

-Guardian angel Sebastian being tasked with watching over Jim AND John. Gets kinda hard when they're enemies so he tries to (somehow) make them friends.

Anyway.

[miracleboiz]

Making a Home Ch. 16

Kita Shinsuke had experienced a lot in life. He had been raised with his grandmother, a loving foster parent and for some time he followed in her foot steps before finding his own path. He thought his foster care license had expired before getting a call at three am with two small boys thrust into his arms. Miya Osamu and Atsumu, from broken homes but still fighting. Thirty days before his license expires. Thirty days to make a choice, keep the boys or let them be separated into different homes. Thirty days to fall in love with them.

Words: 4k

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, non-graphic abuse

Not from Kita, but it is mentioned. I will post any warnings before any panic attacks or vague descriptions of abuse.

Read below or on AO3

This week is Rintaro, Hitoshi, and Akagi’s POV:

Suna Rintaro wasn’t the biggest fan of people. He didn’t really have a lot of experience with them as it was, and when he did they tended to just rub him the wrong way.

If he went with his parents to events he had to deal with countless adults asking if he was as smart as his parents, if he was going to be doctors like them, could he even read? If he said yes he was as smart as them, no he wasn’t going to be a doctor because they never seemed happy, and ‘I’m six not three, do you know how to read?’ Then he had to deal with two hours of admonishments about pride instead of leaving him alone.

On the other hand, the other kids at school felt like screaming babies. Rintaro already knew how to write his name in Katakana, Kanji, and Hiragana, and yet they just went over it every single day. The other kids were still scratching out the characters slowly as if they’d never read anything before and Rintaro was bored.

Not to mention how often he had to deal with laughter when he used bigger words and the teachers would ask if he actually knew what they meant. Why would he use it if he didn’t know what it meant?

Hitoshi, atleast, seemed to catch on quickly to what Rintaro was saying. He could actually talk and didn’t care if Rintaro said too many big words. Plus he didn’t seem to care if Rintaro wanted to drag him around town trying new things.

Hitoshi did have a strange crush on Matsukawa Shinji that Rintaro just couldn’t understand. Shinji was nice but… boring. Shigeru was much more interesting, he could not only keep up with Rintaro in class but also wouldn’t cry if Rintaro punched him. What more could someone want in a rival?

Overall, Rintaro didn’t like people and liked having a single friend and a single enemy and not having to worry about anything else.

Then he met the Miya twins.

He wasn’t sure about Atsumu, he seemed angry and Rintaro didn’t really think that was worth dealing with. He was nice enough when talking though, and he was nice to Hitoshi so Rintaro couldn’t write him off just yet. If he was good enough for Hitoshi to like then Rintaro could put up with some anger issues.

Osamu though, was interesting. He seemed quiet like Hitoshi at first, until Rintaro started poking and prodding with a few quick words about his brother. Instantly he’d started to puff up like an angry bird before Rintaro had added that they could be friends. The bewilderment in his eyes was well worth risking getting punched, in Rintaro’s opinion.

Osamu had settled a lot faster into ‘friendship’ then Rintaro had expected. Most of the other kids still wanted to punch him even after nine months of school, but Osamu genuinely seemed to want to be friends. Even after Rintaro had scared him by fighting with Shigeru.

Secretly, guilt rolled in his stomach about that. He still didn’t understand why Osamu had looked so shaken when Ito-sensei came over to yell at them, it wasn’t like adults didn’t yell all the time. Yet Osamu looked seconds away from tears even after lunch ended and he’d held onto his brother the entire way, only cheering up a little when Shinji started talking to him quietly.

“Hey… Don’t be mean to Osamu or Atsumu…” Rintaro was shaken from his thoughts by Shigeru’s voice, so much softer than he’d ever heard. His rival’s eyes were pointed directly at his brother, looking almost sad.

“Why the hell would-” Rintaro started, anger filling his chest. He wasn’t like his parents, he didn’t just bully people for being sad.

A hand smacked his chest, narrowly avoiding Hitoshi who squeaked quietly before trying to square his shoulders in case another fist fight broke out.

“I’m serious! He’s not like you, okay?” Shigeru hissed, finally turning to look at him. “He’s like me… He’s a foster kid, the other kids are going to find out soon and they’re gonna be mean, real mean. Remember my first week? Me and Shinji didn’t tell anyone but they found out and kept pickin’ on him until I punched ‘em. They’re gonna find out, and I don’t care how long we’ve been friends. If you bully them I’ll punch you too.”

Rintaro froze, glancing over at the two twins talking with Shinji and then back to the silver haired one who had him stuck in the middle of the hall. How long had he and Shigeru been friends? Were they seriously adopted?

After a second, Rintaro realized he was an idiot for not noticing sooner, but it wasn’t like he listened to the other kids and their gossip anyways.

“I’m not going to say anything… I don’t care about that.” Rintaro insisted, glaring back at Shigeru until the other kid finally dropped his hand. “Who cares if they’re adopted? Atleast that means their parents want them.”

“... Sorry, Rin.” Shigeru muttered, gently punching his shoulder with a half smile. Rintaro punched him back and the smile immediately brightened, seconds before an actual blow bounced off his arm and the silver haired rat took off.

Hitoshi immediately wrapped his arms around Rintaro’s left arm, keeping him from running after Shigeru.

“Why’dya always gotta fight with him?” Hitoshi whined, blinking up at him when Rintaro glowered at him. Hitoshi had long since learned that while Rintaro would fight Shigeru any day of the week, he wouldn’t hit anyone else. Which sucked, because now he didn’t care about putting himself between them and Rintaro couldn’t do anything.

“He punched me?” Rintaro whined right back, letting himself be dragged towards the classroom again. “Besides, he likes it.”

“.... Just… Don’t hurt him.” Hitoshi said, squeaking when Rintaro stopped and looked at him with a scrunched up face.

“Ew, don’t tell me you… like Shigeru? Atleast Shinji's pretty, Shigeru’s like… like… a ungly mean creampuff.” 

“Wha- No!” Hitoshi shook his head, looking embarrassed. “I just… Rin-kun… I… Papa hit mama and she left. And if Shigeru leaves then you’re going to be really upset and I’m going to be upset and then I’m going to cry and then Neesan will tell me to shut up and then you’re going to be angry and then I’m going to cry again and-”

“Hitoshi, breathe.” Rintaro reached forward in a panic, smooshing Hitoshi’s cheeks together and the smaller child sucked in a loud breath and let it out again. Directly into Rintaro’s face.

“Ewww, you’re gross… And you didn’t brush your teeth this morning. I can smell nachos from yesterday.” Rintaro pressed his cheeks again. “I won’t hurt Shigeru. Pinky promise.”

He held out his hand and Hitoshi watched him, face still red from his momentary panic before he nodded, reaching and curling their pinkies together.

“Hey! Slowpokes, are ya comin’?” Shigeru’s face came from the class, glancing up at the clock across the room. “You’re going to be late.”

“Don’t close the door!” Hitoshi and Rintaro yelled, running at the room as the bell rang.

“Hey, Osamu,” Rintaro said quietly, offering Shigeru the scissors.

They were separated into groups and Atsumu, Hitoshi, and Shinji had been banished to the other side of the room after Shinji and Shigeru had started to giggle together too loudly. Thankfully both Atsumu and Hitoshi seemed fine with it, beyond a few eyerolls from Atsumu. Rintaro was worried Atsumu or Osamu were going to start crying at being separated again but whatever Shinji had said to them after lunch had apparently helped.

“Mm?” Osamu looked up from his paper, a shredded piece of paper stuck to his cheek. His face was rather blank when his brother wasn’t around, which Rintaro found strangely comforting. Finally he wasn’t the only one with a ‘dead face’ as his mother called it.

“What’s it like bein’ wanted? Y’know by your parents? My parents don’t want me at all, but if you’re adopted, they chose ya right- Ow!” Rintaro spun to glower at Shigeru, whose foot was still against his leg. Shigeru’s face was scrunched up in anger as he glared back, opening his mouth probably to tell Rintaro off.

“I wouldn’t know.” Osamu said, and Rintaro turned back to see him staring at his paper. “No ones ever wanted me. Well, ‘cept ‘Tsumu.”

Rintaro froze, terrified to press for more. He thought Shigeru said Osamu was like him, which would mean that he was adopted right? Or were his parents like Rin’s?

Another kick to his knee was followed by a hissed “Say you’re sorry, jerk! He’s doesn’t have parents yet.”

“S-sorry… I thought you were adopted already.” Rintaro tried to explain, trying to fix the guilt that was crushing his chest. 

“Oh…” Osamu brightened a little at the new information before shaking his head. “No, no, Shinsuke-san is just fostering us, cuz no one wants us…. I do hope he decides to let us stay though… He’s a lot nicer than the other foster parents.”

Rintaro wasn’t sure what to say to that. Though… His parents probably wouldn’t notice a new kid in the house and he knew how to write their signatures…

“I really like Shinsuke-san,” Osamu continued, his voice soft as he glued together two shapes. “He’s really nice and I think he likes us too… And I like going to the shop, ‘cuz it’s pretty and it’s fun to make things with all the ribbons. And I don’t want to lose my friends again when I have to leave.”

Rintaro blinked twice at him before reaching over and hugging him as tightly as he could.

“If anyone tries to send you away, me ‘n Shigeru’ll fight ‘em and you can stay with us.” Rintaro promised. “Pinky promise… Or you can stay with Hitoshi-kun, his Okaasan is super super nice, you just have to watch out for his neesan because she likes to bully people who are shorter than her, but I’ll fight her for you and you can just hang out with his Okaasan.”

Shigeru collapses onto Osamu’s other side, squeezing him between his two new friends.

“And if she can’t take you, I’ll ask Tatay and you can be my new baby brother and Atsumu too and you can be Akira’s big brothers and he’ll hug you for hours and be grumpy about it.” Shigeru laughed, holding tighter and Osamu giggled.

Rintaro watched Osamu melt between them, trying to hug both of them at the same time while laughing. Three more shaped pieces of paper had been glued to his cheeks and a few shreds were on his fingers, transferring themselves to Rintaro. He couldn’t really bring himself to care.

He had two brand new friends now and he was going to protect them just like Hitoshi.

Hitoshi wasn’t a big fan of fighting. It had always scared him, even just watching cartoons on tv when he was a toddler would quickly send him into a crying fit. He remained the same through the first few months of school, crying at any minor argument between the other kids until the school bullies realized he was the easiest to pick on.

It continued until he heard them laughing at Rintaro for using ‘condescending’ towards their history teacher. In a flash of bravery he never saw coming, he’d spun around and told them to shut up.

“You’re dumb, and you’re condescending.” Hitoshi had shouted, bringing everything to a standstill as the awful realization washed over him that he’d yelled at someone who could hit him. He’d been sent to the office for the remainder of class and by the time he’d returned he’d found himself with his first school friend.

He didn’t mind only having one friend. Rintaro was always really nice to him and liked to teach him new words just like Hitoshi’s mom had done before she had to get a second job. He never left Hitoshi alone or ran off with other people and forgot about him and he even got his neesan to stop calling him a baby.

Hitoshi didn’t think Shigeru counted as his friend because he was always messing around with Rintaro but he was nice so Hitoshi didn’t mind it when he came over to play during recess or spent the classes talking with Rintaro. After all, Shigeru might decide Hitoshi was interesting too and then he’d have two friends.

He’d tried to become friends with Shinji, after all the Matsukawa brothers were known as the friendliest in the entire school and the least scary. However, twenty seconds into being handed a fresh muffin from a smiling Shinji for saying hello, Hitoshi had decided he would never talk to him again. The hot face and nervous stomach was not worth a muffin, even if he did think Shinji was very nice. Very very nice.

Rintaro thought his ‘crush’ was funny but Hitoshi honestly just wanted to give Shinji something cool back. Since he didn’t have anything as nice as a fresh muffin, Hitoshi was just going to never talk to Shinji again.

It was foolproof.

Until the new kid, who was also nice but didn’t have muffins, immediately started a conversation with Shinji with absolutely no hesitation or worry. Hitoshi didn’t know what he was more jealous of, the fact that the new kid could make friends so quickly or that he didn’t get super nervous just by looking at Shinji.

Now, he was squished between Shinji and Atsumu in the back corner of the room trying to glue together a bunch of paper shapes to make cards. Part of Hitoshi wondered if this was payback for every time he didn’t stop Rintaro from eating Shigeru’s lunch. 

The gods must have been laughing because as soon as Shinji sat down he was pulling out two slightly squashed cupcakes.

Internally Hitoshi swore he was going straight home today and giving the gods anything they wanted if they stopped torturing him. Instead of saying any of that, he just inclined his head gratefully to Shinji and shoved the cupcake in his mouth before the teacher noticed and told them to put it away.

Atsumu was carefully peeling his and nibbling at the rich pink and white frosting, a giant cat cut out from paper in front of him. Hitoshi took a moment to watch him, curious.

Everyone in school knew Shinji and Shigeru weren’t the Matsukawa’s real kids, but it wasn’t the same thing. They were already adopted, but the Miya twins were actual foster kids and Hitoshi had never met one of them before.

Atsumu didn’t look any different then the other kids, other than the black bruises down the side of his face but Hitoshi barely noticed them. His mom was really clumsy too and used to have bruises all the time too.

He was a little grumpier then Hitoshi thought especially since Shigeru and Shinji were always so happy. Then he thought about it. If he was taken away from his mom he’d be upset and angry too and Atsumu didn’t even have a mom or dad to go home too. 

“What’re you starin’ at me for?” Atsumu grumbled and Hitoshi jumped, squeaking out an apology and shrinking down when he was glared at.

“Atsumu,” Shinji intervened with the talent of someone used to keeping Shigeru from fighting other kids, “he was just looking at you. Hitoshi-kun doesn’t talk much, he was probably just trying to think of something to say… right Hitoshi-kun?”

The urge to run screaming to hide behind Rintaro built in his chest as Hitoshi nodded, trying not to look Shinji in the eye in case he turned into a tomato. That didn’t stop Shinji from smiling as widely as he could at him before turning to Atsumu.

“See? You don’t have to be mean to your friends, Atsumu… and yes, being grumpy at them is mean.” Shinji giggled, endlessly cheerful as Atsumu seemed to sulk slightly in his chair. Hitoshi couldn’t help but be fascinated by him.

He had been so nice at first even if he was really protective of his brother, and now he was grumpy again. Was it because Osamu was having fun without him? Hitoshi’s neesan always had fun without him so he didn’t really see the problem.

“Atsumu-kun,” Hitoshi started, only to squeak as a paper ball struck the back of his head.

Sniggers erupted behind him and Hitoshi sighed, shrinking down slightly. This was why he always tried to group up with Rintaro and Shigeru. No one was going to fight those two just to make him cry.

“Hitoshi-kun?” Atsumu looked confused at his squeak, head tilted almost completely to his shoulder. Shinji on the other hand, already had his eyes narrowed on the group of laughing kids behind them.

“It’s okay, really… Really Shinji-kun, it’s okay.” Hitoshi tried to insist without letting his voice pitch too high. Shinji glanced at him before sighing and offering him the glue stick.

“You know, you should just tell Shigeru,” Shinji said, silver eyes glowing with a surprising amount of hostility, “He’d take care of any bullies.”

“Shigeru-kun would get in trouble for it and it’s not worth getting in trouble for me. I can handle it-” Two more balls smacked against his back, tearing out a small shriek before Hitoshi clamped his hands over his mouth.

The sounds of two chairs being thrown back made the room go silent as both Atsumu and Shinji stood up. There was a moment of silence as everyone else tried to understand what was going on and Hitoshi had to wave his hand frantically to stop Rintaro and Shigeru from rising up.

“Atsumu-kun! Shinji-kun! What are you two doing? Sit back down.” The teacher called from the front, lips twisted in a frown. “Don’t make me have to call your parents, especially you Shinji-kun. You haven’t been listening at all today, its not like you.”

Slowly, they lowered themselves back into their seats. Shinji looked only a little annoyed but Atsumu looked genuinely upset and Hitoshi immediately scooted closer.

“It’s okay, really.” Hitoshi whispered over to him, trying to offer him a crayon. “I’m used to it, don’t get in trouble with the teacher.”

“I don’t care about the teacher, but Shinsuke-san…” Atsumu cut himself off, looking close to tears.

“Shinsuke-san?” Hitoshi prompted, glancing up when Shinji stood up and started making his way to the teacher.

“Shinsuke-san… is my… foster parent.” Atsumu looked away, voice getting softer and softer as if he was embarrassed by what he was saying.

“Is he… mean?” Hitoshi said after a moment of confusion. Atsumu looked up immediately, shaking his head panickedly.

“No! No, Shinsuke-san is really really nice… He’s… He’s the nicest parent I’ve ever had… but foster parents don’t like it when you get into trouble… they say you make them look bad and then they don’t want you anymore… and if… If we do really good then… Shinsuke-san might keep Osamu so… Osamu will have a dad.”

Hitoshi hesitated, trying to think it all over. How could a child make their parents look bad? His mother loved him no matter how bad Hitoshi did in school or if he got in trouble. She’d be upset but she always wanted him, always loved him. 

Suddenly Hitoshi felt terrible for anytime he’d thought about wanting parents like the other kids. At least he had his mom and she’d do anything for him. Osamu and Atsumu didn’t have anyone at all.

“What about you? Why don’t you get to be adopted?” Hitoshi forced the question out, certain he didn’t want to hear the answer. Atsumu looked confused at Hitoshi’s question, like he couldn’t understand why Hitoshi didn’t already know.

“No one wants me, Hitoshi-kun. I’m a bad kid. Kids like me… we just get kicked around until we’re adults then we take care of ourselves. Nobody willingly adopts trouble-makers. But Osamu is a good kid, he listens to all of his elders and eats his vegetables and he’s good at cleaning. He never talks too much and doesn’t trip and get hurt or make too much noise. If he gets adopted then he won’t have to leave, and he can be happy.” Atsumu didn’t seem to see anything wrong with what he said but Hitoshi felt sick.

His mother always told him that there was no such thing as a bad kid, just a misunderstood one. How could anyone tell Atsumu he was bad? He was nice, even if he was grumpy, he just wanted to protect his brother.

He opened his mouth, ready to tell Atsumu that he and his brother could move in when a pencil smacked against his cheek.

He yelped, immediately shielding his eye as his cheek twinged with pain. Atsumu was standing up again, hand closing around Hitoshi’s shirt like he was going to throw Hitoshi behind him.

“No, what about, what about Shinsuke-san?” Hitoshi squeaked and Atsumu froze. Guilt and panic flooded Atsumu’s eyes.

“Sensei, they’re…” Atsumu said, barely catching her attention from Shinji who immediately stopped talking, looking worried. “They’re throwing things at Hitoshi-kun.”

Atsumu seemed to be shaking even as the teacher glanced over at the other group of tables. She sighed, shaking her head at them.

“You and Shinji both today, stop it with the tattling.” The teacher sighed, shaking her head and pointing back at their table. “Finish your cards, I don’t want to hear anything else about this. They’re just paper balls.”

Atsumu looked as sick as Hitoshi felt, watching Shinji walk towards them with stiff shoulders. The sniggers were grating on Hitoshi’s ears as Shinji took his seat, all of their faces bright red after the teacher’s words.

“I’m sorry,” Hitoshi whimpered, tears already starting to leak out of his eyes.

“No, Hitoshi-kun. It’s not your fault.” Shinji reached out, trying to wipe them away but it did nothing to stop the stream. Instead he just hiccuped and sobbed, nodding his head. 

His new friend was getting in trouble because of him and Atsumu looked scared and it was Hitoshi’s fault. Hitoshi got him in trouble and he might get in trouble at home too. Hitoshi just messed up everything, every time, he couldn’t do anything right.

Atsumu reached over, trying to nudge his new friend to break him out of his panic when he hit someone else. He looked up to see the kid sitting behind them that had thrown the pencil. Already Atsumu wanted to smack him to get him away from Hitoshi.

“What are you two doing with this baby? I know your brother likes to hang out with them but I thought you were better than that Shinji-kun.” The other kid said, sneering down at Hitoshi’s choked sobs. “He’s just a baby, he shouldn’t even be in school.”

“Shut up.” Shinji snapped, turning to Hitoshi and dabbing at his eyes with his sleeve. “It’s okay Hitosh-kuni, don’t listen to him. It’s okay.”

“Seriously? He can’t even stop crying.” The kid looked disgusted, turning and shoving Hitoshi out of the chair. “Look he’s just a-”

Whatever he was, he didn’t get to share because Shinji launched himself out of his chair with a string of words that didn’t sound like Japanese. In seconds the other boy was on the ground, the full weight of the older student on him and holding him down.

Atsumu didn’t even think, moving to Hitoshi’s side and pulling him up to his feet before standing in front of him, arms out in case anyone else tried to hit him.

“Shinji! Atsumu! What are you two doing?” The teacher yelled and Atsumu’s heart sank.

Shinsuke was going to be so upset with him.

Akagi had known Kita Shinsuke since their first year of middle school. Since the moment the kid had taken the watch Akagi had stolen from the middle school bully and put it back in the bully’s bag and sat by passively as the teacher admonished the bully for lying about thieves.

“You shouldn’t have stolen it… But he shouldn’t have broken Yuna-chan’s nose.” Shinsuke had said and Akagi had refused to leave his side ever since.

He’d met Ojiro Aran on the first day of highschool with a spike to the face and he’d never made a friend faster.

He’d grown up with them and watched his team spread apart.

Akagi never worried for Aran. Aran knew where he was going and absolutely no one would ever stop him. Until he basically dropped off the map three years ago.

Sure, Akagi knew he was actually just in France and he was still playing at the top. Yet, even Akagi who spent his days travelling over the entire world freelance saw their friends more than he did. For three years Akagi only saw him once a year, still happy, still healthy, but so far away.

Oomimi, of course, was never someone anyone had to worry about. He was the only one Akagi knew should actually be trusted to be an adult, because even after having the title for ten years Akagi knew he wasn’t an adult. He’d chosen to become a social worker, helping children and trying to battle against the system to protect them.

He always left a key for Akagi and never minded a visit. He always checked up on Shinsuke and kept updates on Aran as best as he could between the man’s erratic texting skills.

Shinsuke, however, Shinsuke always worried Akagi.

Not because he wasn’t mature, no, no, he was the most emotionally aware and probably the strongest person Akagi had ever met. Sometimes, though, Shinsuke would get trapped in his own mind without realizing it. 

He always had his routines, the way he’d clean the bathrooms at exactly 2:58 until 3:13 then move to the locker rooms and change in precisely three minutes. He’d stretch for ten minutes, run four laps and stretch for another three. Then serves, then blocking, then receives. Everything was planned and ordered and any deviation would scratch at him like an itch until he either broke or fixed his schedule.

Shinsuke’d become more tolerant of mishaps in his routine as he got older, no longer completely breaking down when not able to finish something properly. He’d insisted that he learn how to handle it, refusing to lose even a second of his life to panic.

He was doing well, Akagi knew it. He adapted to the changing schedules of his employees, making his own routine in little things. Getting up, cleaning the house, visiting the shop, leaving for the gym, evening reading. The foster kids helped, keeping him on his toes and away from a routine set in stone while he still got to encourage and help them.

Shinsuke always loved kids after all, and he’d been so excited to take after not only his Grandmother but his late parents’ old wedding shop. Then he’d quit being assigned foster kids, not through any fault of his but there just wasn’t as many in their area and the government wasn’t in the habit of shipping kids across prefectures over and over again.

Shinsuke had fallen into old habits. Every part of his day was perfectly planned out, even to the point of letting him craft a ‘plan’ for the next few years that panicked him to deviate from. Though he adjusted better than Akagi thought he would with the twins, he could still see the way it picked at him not being able to follow his routine.

He could see it in the way Shinsuke twitched toward the door before he’d remember he had promised to show Osamu how to make pancakes. The way his breath would catch when he saw the time and would shift to look away. Even the constant tapping of his fingers gave him away, the itch that burrowed in his mind and was driving him subtly insane.

The adoration for the twins was holding back the worst of the reactions but Akagi knew Shinsuke would start to crack soon if he couldn’t get it out. If he didn’t face it head on and start adjusting his ‘plan’ accordingly.

Akagi knew his best friend far too well. He saw the way Shinsuke had grown too attached to the boys, his endless pride for each tiny step in the right direction, the way he shifted his routine to try and welcome them regardless of the internal consequences. Yet Shinsuke insisted he was going to let them go and find them a ‘proper’ home as if they couldn’t all see how much Shinsuke loved them. He would hold to that ‘plan’ until he was torn apart.

Which was why Akagi had harassed Tooru into helping him. Tooru hadn’t been the most willing, as loyal to their boss as everyone else in the shop but he also was the most stubborn. Once he heard about Shinsuke refusing to take a day off, he’d immediately jumped on board and promised to keep Shinsuke out of the shop. Then Akagi told a white lie to Oomimi and waited until he knew Shinsuke was going stir crazy after a too long set routine of constant mental and physical stimulation and told Oomimi to call him and ask him where he was.

Akagi hadn’t planned on Aran taking such advantage of the chance to hold Shinsuke, much less straight up hold his hand, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Even now, as he skated toward the rink wall, he could see them sitting together with Shinsuke’s head on his shoulder as they talked.

“If they find out you’re trying to set them up, you’ll be in trouble.” Oomimi hummed, offering him a water bottle. The tall social worker didn’t seem bothered by Akagi’s tricks, but he’d also known Akagi was going to try and shove Aran and Shinsuke together from the moment Aran was back in town.

“It’s okay, Oomimi-kun will protect me.” Akagi laughed, fluttering his eyes at the bored look in Oomimi’s eyes. “Besides, they’re so busy just starin’ at each other they wouldn’t notice if I stripped naked.”

Oomimi froze, eyes narrowed before he relaxed again when he realized Akagi meant it only as a joke.

“Why do you care anyways? You don’t even believe in romance.” Oomimi sighed, taking back the water bottle and putting it on the bench behind him. He glanced back at the two, watching their lips curve up in identical smiles neither party aware of it. Much more and Oomimi was going to have to interrupt to tell them to either kiss or stop looking at each other like that.

“I don’t not believe in romance,” Akagi said, flicking his hand dismissively, “I just think most people chase after it thinking it’s this great feeling. Then they give up as soon as it goes away. I find it shallow and honestly boring, makes me glad I don’t have to deal with it. But…”

His eyes traveled to the two talking, the light pink on Shinsuke’s cheeks and the laughter coming from Aran. In over fourteen years, he’d never seen them look at anyone else like they looked at each other. They just molded together perfectly, enhancing every moment and supporting each other endlessly. Theirs was the only romantic story that could ever make Akagi wonder what it would be like if he felt the same romantic feelings they did.

“They make each other happy. Even just being friends, they’re really happy. They know each other even after being apart, ‘Mimi. They know how to keep each other stable and they deserve to have that. They’re just both dumb. Aran’s stuck in his own world of ‘someone like Shinsuke could never love me, because I’m a big dumb gay baby’ and Shinsuke’s stuck in this world of ‘If I didn’t put it in the plan it’s not happening and I will fight the gods for my right to fuck up my own life.’ I love them so much.”

Oomimi snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Michinari. Stop bullying them.”

“Ren, make me.” Akagi stuck out his tongue and Oomimi rolled his eyes, reaching out to flick his nose.

“They’ll figure it out. You don’t have to push them together, they’re adults now.” Oomimi looked rather amused, leaning against the skating wall. “Trust me. Everything’s going to be just fine.”

“... You sound a little bit too certain of that.” Akagi narrowed his eyes at his best friend, gasping at the curve of his mouth moving up. “What did you do?”

“I don’t know what you mean… But I will tell you that you should buy a house if Shinsuke doesn’t decide to adopt the boys in two weeks because Aran still lives in an apartment and I’ve got so many paperwork packets that just need signatures.”

“So… If Shinsuke doesn’t adopt the boys… I get to adopt them.” Akagi gasped, amusement flooding through him as Oomimi seemed to immediately regret what he’d said.

“On the other hand, I can buy a house and just give it to Aran, it’s fine.”

“What! No, no I want the boys. Give me the twins, I pinky promise I’ll only teach them a few bad words.” Akagi whined, squawking when another voice cut in.

“You will not be teaching the boys any bad words.” Shinsuke was half wrapped around Aran’s arm, still slipping even on the rubber mats. He looked only mildly annoyed in the turn of his lips, his gaze bright with amusement and Akagi cackled softly.

Aran looked as soft as ever, easily carrying Shinsuke’s weight and looking at his two other friends. He still had a tinge of dark blush over his cheeks and Akagi had to admit he was cute, no wonder so many people had confessed to him senior year.

“Hey, Aran, marry me and we’ll steal Kita’s kids.” Akagi chirped, laughing even louder when Aran face palmed.

“I’m not marrying you to adopt the twins, I’ll just adopt them on my own.” Aran said, ignoring Akagi’s dramatic gasp.

“Don’t touch my kids… Don’t let him touch my kids. Osamu doesn’t need to know any bad words, he’d like them far too much.” Shinsuke said, looking at Oomimi before stepping towards the ice carefully.

Akagi held his breath, hoping to hear him squeak or yelp but he got nothing. How boring, his friends were so inconsiderate to not help him out and give him something to laugh at them for.

Aran held him carefully until he was sure Shinsuke wouldn’t fall, then stepped after him. Akagi yowled as an arm wrapped around his neck and tucked him into a firm chest, then he relaxed, sticking his tongue up at Aran.

“C’mon Ren. You can watch me fall.” Shinsuke teased, holding his hand out to Oomimi who sighed dramatically before skating over to Shinsuke’s side and taking his hand.

“If we go down, we’re taking them with us.” Oomimi told Shinsuke who nodded and tightened his hold on Aran.

“Oh I plan too.”

Aran’s complaint made them all laugh and Akagi relaxed into his friend's hold. Aran shook his head at Shinsuke, eyes gentle and adoring as he looked down at his best friend. Akagi took the first step forward, dragging them all forward. Oomimi was right, they would be just fine. All of them.

[maruzzewrites]

The vanity one seems like it could work on Pesci best. I was thinking of this with an angst twist where the reader is getting revenge by feigning heartbreak and bosses ol yandere around cuz they feel bad

Content warnings: manipulation (but reader is the one doing it), obsessive behavior, slight gore and violence.

When you were first assigned a job withthe hitmen team, you tried to be civil about it. You were cordial, you followedorders and ignored the comments of dimwitted assassins who would simply try toget under your skin with every mean necessary. Jokes, teasing, taunts,critiques, you take it all in stride with the knowledge that this task was temporaryand you would soon enough go back to your own team and forget about these menwho tried to hard to hide the obvious fascination with someone who wasn’t adegenerated criminal of their own group.

The only one you could sort of tolerate withouttoo much strain on your nerves was the hitman who appeared to be new to thejob. He introduced himself as Pesci, making you raise an eyebrow at the oddchoice of a codename, but you didn’t think too much of it considering this teamhad a penchant for picking names related to food. Soon enough, you woulddiscover why he was named after fishes, though: his Stand had the appearance offishing rod, oddly lethal for such an innocuous form. It was interesting tosee, when you had the occasion.

And you had plenty of opportunities toobserve it, as you were assigned to Pesci and his teammate, an older guy nicknamedProsciutto, with a snotty attitude that didn’t compliment the foul mouth hehad. You preferred to stick around the one who didn’t get angry when you didn’tdo something his way, and you got used to being near Pesci to the point you weren’tthat surprised once he found the bravery to confess to you with the most timidattempt you had ever seen. You didn’t feel guilty when you confirmed to him youweren’t interested, but you felt a certain heaviness in your chest when heaverted his eyes and walked away without another word.

You assumed he would be insistent, hewould nag you and bring you down into a spiral of guilty tripping, maybesending Prosciutto your way to intimidate you into a relationship; but thatnever came, he stayed quiet and shy, flinching away from your touch and at yourwords as soon as you approached him. In a way, you felt bad about rejecting hisfeelings, but you wouldn’t risk your position in the ranks of Passione simplyto start a tentative relationship with a man you barely knew – you didn’t evenaddress him with his actual name, Pesci was simply an alias for privacy.

Yet, your collaboration with the hitmenteam continued, stretching for a long period of time. You were a simpleinformant, tasked to retrieve data for these men’s mission thanks to a Standmade for this exact job. It was easy enough to stay behind and sit around withthe men assigned to you in order to protect you from outside attacks, but afterthe whole confession fiasco things got tense and you were only hoping the jobcould be completed with ease, fast enough to forget about your involvement withthe group.

However, you should have known that beingin the hands of a man who was so distracted by his own awkward thoughts aboutrejection wouldn’t be a good element during a dangerous mission. Especiallywhen you represented the weak link, yet a fundamental resource, during thewhole ordeal. When Prosciutto back was turned, only Pesci left to take care ofyour safety, you were ambushed by someone who was obviously tasked toinfiltrate the team from the back, sneaking their way forward to reach thefront line. And you were sure you’d die in that exact instant, if it wasn’t forthe fact the assassin stepped in front of you and whipped out his Stand.

With a quick movement of his arms, themuscles twitching and flexing in a demonstration of his strength, the hook ofthe rod penetrated under the skin of the opponent. Their heart was hurriedlyfound, if it bursting out of the foe’s chest was any indication. It landed witha sick, wet sound right at Pesci’s feet, and you could see him recoil withdisgust at the sight, despite being the reason of such a gruesome show. Youstayed still, amazed somehow; Pesci looked and acted like a weakling most ofthe time, but seeing his true potential in action was such a treat, such afeat, you couldn’t help but imagine all the scenarios and possibilities.

“Pesci,” before you could stop yourself,you called out to him, making him wince from the shock of being yanked from hisreverie. He whipped his head towards you with a look of anxiety painted on hisfeatures, as if he was bracing himself for harsh words that never came. Yet thetension never left his shoulders as he darted his eyes from your face to theground with growing unease as the silence stretched out. You grinned beforespeaking again, “That was amazing!”

He seemed actually surprised by yourreaction, a small smile blossoming on his lips as he averted his eyes again andlet some moments go by before suggesting to move because of the possibility ofother enemies being nearby. Later, you found out what his concern was for: Prosciuttoberated and reprimanded him for a long time as soon as he was back with them,about his distraction, about the sloppy job at killing, about the lack of cleaninghe left behind before changing spot. But it was okay, it allowed you to lavishhim in more compliments, more praise, as his opinion of you increased aftersuch an unforgiving lecture.

After that, and once you returned to youown team, you requested Pesci’s assistance often. If you were to go on amission who needed hitmen, you always asked for his company; you were oftengranted it because his own group thought that the simpler, less fatal missionyou were sent to could give him the experience he needed to grow more. And youcouldn’t be happier to work with such a malleable man, ready to be molded insomething useful to you and only you. Feeding into his bubbling crush was easy,the poor soul never really experienced the touch of someone in that way, even lesssomeone he actually liked. A pat on his shoulder, a hand on his back, yourfingers intertwined as you two made your way around the city to collectinformation; he relished in every little attention you offered him, and youwere actually pleased he was so infatuated with you that he never questionedthe lack of return in this odd relationship you had.

Eventually, his collaboration went beyondthe jobs given to you by your leaders, and he found himself following youaround for personal, private missions that needed his assistance and hisprecision. He was hesitant at first, but when you made him enter your home andlet him wander around without supervision, he seemed to get more comfortable.When you noticed that a few of your things disappeared, you were annoyed atfirst, but soon recognized the opportunity presented; leaving your stuff aroundevery time he was at your house, each visit something more intimate and dear, wasthe perfect plan to make that craze grow to level that would allow you to stinghim along further.

When you sat down on the sofa and left themugs of hot chocolate on the table so that he could enjoy it at his pace, youpretended not to notice the old brush or the unused accessories pocking out ofhis jacket, continuing to explain what you wanted him to do. He was so eager tohelp you, as if you made a promise never really spoken out loud, as if he wasn’taware of the fact you never told him there was a prize at the end of the road.But he was improving, his confidence was still faltering, but the sight ofblood didn’t make his legs give out or his pitch raise to unusual heights.

When you asked him to murder someone whohe, apparently, knew too was the only time his resolution to follow your words wasweakened. His hesitation made you exasperated, unable to think of a solution asthe person you wanted dead was charging against you in an attempt to survive. Youcalled Pesci, you begged him to take action if he didn’t want to see you deador die himself. His fingers trembled slightly against his Stand, but you shotyour arms up to grip his hand in yours, as a last resort. You regretted thatdecision as the sudden movement and the stress of the situation made him losefocus long enough for the opponent to get to you, pushing you to the ground andattacking Pesci, as he was the only one with his Stand out.

The assassin, shrieking, hit the other onthe head with his bare hand, a strong blow that had the foe stumbling back justbend at the pain. Pesci shot you a quick glance, just to see you on the ground;you didn’t know if he was mad or worried, but you saw the quick movement of hisarm to hook the other’s body and drag them across the floor. You weren’t sure whathe wanted to do, but soon enough he disappeared somewhere you couldn’t see andhe left you alone to nurse your aching back.

The next time you met him, afterrequesting his partnership for a mission, he didn’t look you in the eyes. Youstayed silent, just glancing at the bandage on his arm where you supposed hewas wounded during the confrontation. The two of you remained quiet as youstarted on your assignment, but you intended on keeping this convenient bond going.You left him alone for most of the mission, averting your eyes and doing yourbest at appearing dejected. You noticed him peeking over his shoulder at you,from time to time, and you were pretending to do the same, at times meeting hisown gaze with awkward silence before he got too flustered to keep the contact.

At the end of the task you were give, whenPesci was stalling for just a few seconds to glace at you, you seized themoment and grasped his hand with a softness you didn’t use before. He flinched,flabbergasted, but didn’t say anything until you took the opportunity to speakyourself, “I’m sorry,” your tone was so sweet, so sickening, that if you weren’taware of your own intentions you would believe your own charade. Pesci lookednervous, but you pressed on, “But I’m so glad you would risk your life for me.”

There was a flash, a swift smile on hisface, before it was replaced with a look full of regret and uncertainty. Youwere sure his mentor – that guy Prosciutto, he spoke so much about him – lecturedhis ears off about caution and about how you were no good, how you’d get himkilled, how you were simply using him, and all the conflict was now painted on Pesci’sface. And you thought he should listen to his mentor, he surely had moreconsideration for him well-being than you had these past few months, but youforced the pang of guilt deep down your being as you waited for his answer.

It wasn’t a vocal reply, but his hesitancein letting go of your hand, the way he sighed, and the quick peek at his own fingerswith that tiny smile while he thought you weren’t looking; it all made you allunderstand not everything was lost. You smirked a bit at the prospect; ofcourse, he wouldn’t rush to trust you fully again so suddenly, but the attachmentwasn’t completely gone.

Maybe you should escalate his rewards,just to nudge him on the right path.

[ofravensandgenesis]

Meme Tag Games!

Thank you for all the lovely tags!! :D <3 This is quite belated but between some health happenings, the weather deciding to turn the thermostat way up (and the house AC went out), and other stuff, I got swamped for a while there. Here we are now though! :D Tagging anyone who wants to jump in on any of these, namely FC5 GFH tag game; OC Fighting Style; and WIP Day. Continued below the cut because this got long:

FC5 Guns For Hire Meme Game

Tagged by @chyrstis​ and @amistrio​ for the FC5 GFH meme, thank you for the tag!! :D <3 We have full length responses with some banter with the human GFH in particular here. I was kind of stumped with how to answer this for Joshua in what he might say as a GFH since his verse is very tailored for him being the Deputy and all the psychic shenanigans. Eventually I got over that and this is basically an AU where there’s another (unnamed here) Deputy who IS slated to be The Deputy that Joshua is trying to help (and convince to do less murder) to explain how he fits into a verse as a Gun For Hire. Psychic shenanigans still happen in this AU of an AU ofc, just it’s perhaps less prominent. We’re skipping over possible musings of relevant sidequests for Joshua relating to the Seeds in this for the sake of time, though I acknowledge that it’s something to explore, likely would impact the endgame with the Heralds, cult, and Joseph depending on the Deputy’s choices of doing a Kill or No-kill run. This verse also assumes that Joshua, the Deputy, Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson all got away or were not present for the helicopter crash. Other characters minor and otherwise who are alive in Joshua’s main fic verse ACABH are the same as in that story thus far, such as Rae-Rae and Ryan being alive. We’ll also presume the Seeds are all still alive at the time of these dialogue lines.

Deputy Joshua Raguel Rook

(All images used were public domain and/or labeled free for reuse under creative commons license. Above image was sourced from [here.]) With Fangs for Hire

Boomer: “Hey there boy, how’re you feeling today? Got some venison strips saved for you, you eating enough with all this running around?” [cue more small talk and praise for Boomer about how Boomer’s doing such a good job and Joshua feeding Boomer bits of cooked meat. Will likely sing snatches of cheery dog-themed songs he’s heard when in the party with Boomer and there’s no enemies nearby.]

Peaches: “...I hope that’s not people-meat in your teeth, Peaches, you know how Miss Mable feels about that, it’s bad for your health. I’m also not quite brave enough to want to brush your teeth—though maybe Dr. Lindsey or Wade can offer advice on that. We’ll get you some nice fish instead, that’s a good kitty.” [He’s a bit more shy around Peaches than Boomer bc cougar, but an effort at friendliness will be made.]

Cheeseburger: “...that is one big bear. He’s a sweetheart though. Just...hoping he doesn’t make a mistake of who he’s barreling into. It’s not like we’re wearing team colors or anything.” [Cheeseburger is a sweetie and Joshua likes him, but also: bear. Joshua’s a bit wary around him, but will still feed Cheeseburger salmon when able. May crack a joke paralleling Cheeseburger going “Only You Can Prevent Cult Gun Fire.” Will not crack this joke after any Jacob-region events though.]

With Other Guns for Hire:

Sharky

Sharky: So amibro, I was thinking, you know how those Angels are all dead in the head and stuff? How are they still shuffling around, is the Bliss like a zombie plant or something? Joshua: ...no, that’s more in line with the aliens that Larry keeps going on about I’m sure. Something about brainmelting and bendy straws, I got lost when he started mentioning Navier-Stokes equations for how the...resulting brain juice would be redirected. [Shuddery noise of disgust.] I’m not sure if he’s serious or just fucking with me and referencing Guy’s zombie movie series at this point. Could be either or. The Bliss is more like...like...uh. Like if you lost the keys to your car, but the car’s your body. You get me? Sharky: Damn, remind me never to OD on the stuff, I lose the keys to my car all the time. Sometimes I can’t be bothered to find em and just jiggle the lock so I can hop on in to hotwire the car because I’m in a hurry, you know? Ladies love a man who’s good with his hands, and who’s good with time and can improvise. You think that’d work on the Bliss car keys? Joshua: Maybe? Not everyone seems to be as readily lost to the Bliss at the same amounts. Personally I’d wager you’d be able to find your way back to your body no matter where you were in the bliss if we stood you near a signal fire. Sharky: This is why we’re friends man! Ride or die! ...also can you help me find my keys with that trick of yours, I lost ‘em again. Joshua: Yeah, though did you check under your bed? Also, maybe hang your regular set and a spare set of keys on a hook by the door so you can always find them, just in case you’re in a hurry.

Hurk

Joshua: Hurk. [Said in a Mild, Judgmental Voice of Impending Doom From A Friend kind of tone.] Hurk: Hey man I didn’t do nothin’ to deserve that tone of voice now don’t you start on me. Joshua: How can you say that when you and Sharky went and invented zipline grenade-golf without me last night? And blew up part of the mini-YES-sign. Hurk: Oh man you were talking up Lindsey and with the way the two of you were smiling and laughing, we figured you might be getting lucky so like the proper supportive wingmen me and Sharky were, we left you gentlemen some of our finest booze and sticky green. You did find it didn’t you, I’d hate to waste the gifts of the beneficent Monkey God from above as He Who Likes To Par-tay Above And Here Below On This Earth did command me never to waste beer or the good kush and to always help a brother out who’s trying to hook it up with their fine persons of choice. Joshua: Hurk I’m not— [sighs in accepting and fond exasperation.] It’s not like that with me and Charles— Hurk: Ooooooooooooo, you’re on a first name basis already! I knew you had it in you! Get it man, get it good! I’m not into that, you know I like the ladies strictly, but I will support your endeavors no matter the sex of your fellow party-goer as leader of Hurk Gate and the Bro-iest of Bros. Joshua: Hurk oh my god, I’m not trying to sleep with or romance him. I’m—he’s not looking for that, at least not with me certainly, and I—...just, thanks. I still have most of the beer and weed leftover if you and Sharky are up for graffiting one of John’s billboard signs though. You in? Hurk: Hell yeah man, and oo, you did get some then, Josh you sly dog! Joshua: I DID NOT! [Meta-clarification: Joshua indeed did not, for reasons to be revealed at a later time in the main fic.]

Sharky, Hurk, and Joshua, if one bends the mechanics so they are all in the party together at the same time:

Sharky: Pfhahahahaha oh man did you see the look on those Peggies’s faces when we came just crashing down the mountainside in that burning car? It was priceless!

Joshua: What better way to set fire to mass amounts of Bliss fields than with a moving fireball? Sharky: I know man it was great! We didn’t get too singed or nothin’! We gotta try that burning trash-ball idea next time though, like building a snowman but with fire! A fireman! Ha! That was the easiest fifty bucks of my life, cuz. Joshua: Hold up a tick now, what. Hurk: Sharky man that’s against the betting code! You’re not supposed to tell! Joshua: Oh, you cheeky bastards were betting on if Sharky could convince me to drive the car down the hill, weren’t you. Hurk: Man it’s always a crap shoot with you, specially around cars. That’s what makes it fun, sometimes you get all “guys that’s not safe,” [said with a poor imitation of Joshua’s voice complete with a very terrible southern, Georgian-style accent before Hurk switches to his normal speaking voice to continue,] —and other times it’s just “hold my beer.” You’re not going to go all prim and proper on us now are ya? Joshua: I can’t believe you two. Gambling in Hope County, I’m shocked, shocked. Sharky you owe me half, I’ll buy you a beer first round. Sharky: Hell yeah man! Hurk: Wait a second did you two just con me? I’ve been robbed! Police! Joshua: Hurk I *am* the police, one of them present at least. Hurk: Oh shit son, you right. Help I’m being oppressed by the system!

Nick Rye

[This conversation happens after Seed Ranch has been taken, along with the AU detail of capturing John’s plane Affirmation at the same time, preferably early on, while John is still alive.] Nick: Hey Joshua I was talking to Sharky— Joshua: Oh no. Nick: And he had an idea that wasn’t half bad. Not a good one, and you’d be liable to get killed or captured, but I got stuck thinking on it and wanted to ask: What d’you think would happen if you dressed up like the Father and just pulled a whole Mission: Impossible face-a-roo switch? You can do that imitation of how he speaks and everything, I’ve heard you do it before. And with how high the Peggies are most of the time, they’re so far out of their gourds they wouldn’t notice the differences. Joshua: You mean aside from his brothers and sister noticing he’s suddenly an inch shorter, twenty years younger and the wrong brand of crazy? Nick: Just go off about there being an edit to God’s Plan or something, and you could get makeup or something going on with that age thing. People do all kinds of wizardry with foundation and stuff, though you’d have to ask someone else on that. Maybe Addie or someone she knows? I don’t know if they have aging-up tricks compared to aging-down though. It could work! Might be a quick way to end the fighting if we can just stuff Joseph into a car trunk and then stash him in a bunker somewhere while you’re pretending you’re him. Joshua: Nick my tattoos are different and I’m not going to convince people I’m Joseph if I have to do one of his shirtless walkarounds, NOR am I having sins and Bible verses carved into my hide to complete the look. I don’t think we have any special effects or make up artists in the county who specialize in convincingly fake scars made out of latex or something. Nick: I don’t know, that Guy Marvel might have someone. Or, had someone. He has to be able to afford all those special effects somehow. Joshua: I’m not going anywhere near that guy with a ten foot pole man, he weirds me out. Also consider: I’d have to talk to Jacob, John and Faith as Joseph. I don’t want that kind of responsibility of herding that conversation at the family dinner. Nick: Hoo, good point. So...how is that family bullshit coming along then? Joshua: I have no idea, I’m just winging it, like you are. Nick: [who’s currently flying a plane, thus the slight pun] Heh. Good luck with that then, and let me know if you want me to paint something special on John’s precious little Affirmation next time you take it out for a spin to spite him. Joshua: I’m sure I can think of a thing or two.

Adelaide

Adelaide: Honey you need to take a breather one of these days and just take a load off, if you keep up the way you’re going you’re going to end up looking more like your dad sooner rather than later. You should swing by the Marina sometime and have a yoga session with Xander, really helps get the blood pumping and limber you up if you know what I’m saying. Joshua: [Snorts in amusement.] Is Xander trying to convince you to eat more kale chips instead of potato chips again? Adelaide: Rook sweetie, I love Xander but there are some things a woman won’t put in her mouth, and kale chips are one of them. Joshua: I’ll swing by sometime to help out with the kale chips then, and maybe get in a yoga session at the same time. It’s been a while since I chatted Xander up what with the county going pearshaped. Adelaide: I’ll never understand how you two can eat those things. Ugh. Gives me the willies. Joshua: *I* eat them dipped in homemade spicy nacho cheese sauce. I have no idea how Xander eats them straight and still claims to have working tastebuds.

Grace

[For context: This conversation is based on the AU’s detail that Grace’s father has survived the previous attempt on his life prior to the start of the Reaping.]

Joshua: Did you crack open the extra care packages we dropped off yet Grace, or did your dad get to ‘em first? Grace: You referring to the chocolate bars you stashed in there? I got my share of them out in time. Joshua: Good, I was a little worried when you told me they were missing last time. Thought they might’ve been lifted without me knowing beforehand. Grace: He’s a sly one when sweets are up for grabs. Now if you can do something about the shortage of decent coffee… Joshua: What’s that? A reason to piss John off today and raid his personal stash? Say no more!

Jess

Jess: So. Joshua: So. Jess: Just like old times but with more fucked up cultist family bullshit than before, huh. Joshua: [Sighs.] Yeah. Jess: That’s rough, buddy. Joshua: Least I can steal shit en masse from the cultists and no one else minds right now. For the life of me though I can’t figure out where all of the snacks from Lorna’s went when the Peggies hit her place. I think they ate ‘em all. Jess: [Noise of disgust.] Those two-faced fuckers going on and on about how bad commercially produced food is and how everyone should get back to basics, but there they go snatching up all the frosted cakes and maple bars like it's baby’s first shoplifting spree. Joshua: I know right? Even if they do believe the end of the world’s coming, that’s still rude to clean the store out on the first go around—leave some snacks for the next bunch of looters, god damn.

In Combat

[Note: due to Joshua’s verse details, this comes with the assumption that were one to play in a version of his universe, the Deputy would have a kill/spare mechanic and thus also an option of doing a No Kill run and variations on that spectrum, which Joshua’s mechanics would support more so. This would likely also mean some additional options for the other guns-for-hire and creative use of their canonical loadouts and abilities. Joshua’s setup would overlap with Boomer and Jess’s via the Spotter and Concealment abilities, and he’d be equipped with a bliss dart gun and a scoped hunting rifle. Also melee options and such.] Seeing/tagging an enemy: “Hey look, another whack-a-mole.” / ”Fashionably challenged mountain-man zealot sighted.” / “Enemy sighted.” Seeing/tagging multiple enemies at once: “duck, duck, cultists.”/ “The Rapture called, they don’t want these Peggies back.” / “multiple hostiles in the area.” Bliss darting/knocking out a Peggie at range: “Nap time.” / “Another one bites the dust.” / “Down they go!” / “A little dirt nap never hurt any Peggie. Won’t hurt their outfits any either, a little dirt brown looks better than all of that mayonnaise-white so many of them wear anyway.” Knocking out a Peggie with a non-lethal stealth takedown: “Lights out.” / “Rang this one’s chimes hard enough he’ll think it’s time for morning service on a sunday when he wakes up.” / “Sleep tight.” / “She’s/he’s down.” Sneaking: “Feels like a tuesday.”  / “...” / “Five bucks says I can pickpocket the guards and they’d never even know till later.” / “Moving position.” / “Good to go.” Upon witnessing the Deputy killing an enemy: “Was that really necessary?!” / “...shit.” / “Maybe we should disengage and drop back out of sight instead of this.” / “What the fuck!” Reviving an ally/The Deputy: “Don’t you go dying on me! Stay alive, you’ve got so much to live for!” / “Come on, let’s get you patched up, you’re gonna be okay!” / “No no no! Don’t you dare die! Not today!” Hurt: “MOTHERFUCKER!” / “Ow!” / “God damn it, I just patched this shirt! And myself!” / “This is NOT my fucking element, fuck!” / “Why are we even in a situation where we’d get shot at?!” Downed: “Could use a little help over here!” / “Bleeding out, help!” / “...mom?”

Driving

When asked to drive: “...you sure? I really think someone else driving would be a better idea under current circumstances, but okay. Just don’t go making a habit out of this. Please. For everyone’s sake.” / “No.” [This is followed by outright refusal to sit in the driver’s seat.] / [Optionally if Sharky and/or Hurk are around] “Ugh. Just...gotta pretend this is driving through a Clutch Nixon. With live gun fire, instead of just fire-fire.”

When the Deputy/someone else is driving recklessly: “Iwantoffthisride” / “I’m going to have to pick upholstery out from under my nails later.” / “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.” / [Recites a Hail Mary.] / “Having a good time! NOT.” / [If it’s Sharky or Hurk driving] “This is the kind of reckless driving I can get behind. Through regular past exposure therapy.” Changing radio stations: [If it’s being changed to Eden’s Gate stations] “Can we not? I’ve heard this music so many times it’s old as hell, however catchy.” / “They did do a good job on the music, I gotta say. More ominous meaning to the lyrics right now in particular though.” / [If it’s being changed to Resistance Radio stations] “Road trip time! Watch out for moose in the road.” / “Hell yeah, crank those tunes!” / “I’m glad we have regular music to listen to still, it’d be such a drag to have to go without it.”

Idle

- [General] “What’s up? Everything going alright with you?” - [General] “I heard of a good fishing spot where the rainbow trout [or other game fish depending on situation/mechanics] are really biting today if you want to take a breather and just do a bit of fishing.” [this dialogue only triggers if the Deputy hasn’t filled out the map yet for fishing spots, and adds one to the map with a notification.] - [General] “Hey, there’s a prepper stash over yonder, if you want to try your hand at getting at it. [This dialogue only triggers at random if the Deputy hasn’t polished off all the nearby Prepper stashes already. Marks a nearby prepper stash on the map and gives a notification.]

- [General] “You know what surprises me? That the Project didn’t try to shut off the power plant to at least portions of the county. Sure lots of people are preppers or woodsmen and such, but electricity makes everything easier for us. Weird, ain’t it? They have the technicians for it I’m sure. Guess we should thank our lucky stars they either didn’t think of that or decided it wasn’t worth it. We’d be straight out of ice cold beer then, Whitehorse would hate that.” - [If the Deputy is taking the no-kill route] “Hey I just want to say...I appreciate you trying not to kill people, even if some of these cultists are absolute motherfuckers who deserve it. We might be able to stop all their prophecy crap dead in its tracks if you keep this up. And...you know. Thanks for not killing my crazy relatives? I think. They’ve done a lot of bad shit and they need to answer for that, but...the right way, not backwoods murder. We’re better than that, I hope.” - [If the Deputy is taking the killing route] “I get wanting to kill the Seeds and the cult...but this isn’t going to end well, even after we’re done. I wish you wouldn’t, but I can’t stop you if this is the choice you’ve made. ...I’m sorry I can’t be of more help to you. I...hope you’ll be alright, in the end. But I don’t think you will be.” [Recall that Joshua Knows What Will Happen To The Deputy if they take the canonically-based killing route. He leaves before the final confrontation, and curiously Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson don’t show up in the final scene either—ie, whichever route the Deputy chooses, they survive elsewhere (coughcough Joshua’s secret bunker cough.) The scene with Joseph still happens more or less the same, only the Deputy leaves alone if they choose Walk Away, and ends up alone with Joseph if they choose Resist. Also interestingly enough: Dutch isn’t present on the radio, nor in his bunker. His fish have been taken too. Joshua didn’t have the time to grab everyone, so he tried to grab the ones he knew for sure would die, and warned the others that he foresaw not surviving the Collapse or aftermath, like Mary May and Jess Black, or who suffered serious injuries like Grace. His buds Sharky and Hurk he bribes with beer and weed to hide out in their bunker or hang out in his while this goes down. Boomer, Cheeseburger, and Peaches are all herded to safety (yes there are mechanics for that in the standard AU verse, we shan’t delve into them here though bc spoilers tho.) The others he tries to warn, but whether he managed to get to them and some of the other latter people mentioned above in time or not is uncertain.] - [If the Deputy switched from a killing route to a no-kill route and all of the Seeds are still alive, Joshua sounds relieved] “Hey, I know it’s...it’s hard to hold off pulling the trigger when someone who’s hurt so many people is in your gunsights, but...I do think bringing them in for actual processing through the legal system—a proper trial without bullshit—is the better way. For all of us. Thank you.” - [If the Deputy switched from a no-kill route to a killing route, sounds slightly devastated] “...Why?” - [If the Deputy is doing a “neutral” run of killing significant numbers of cultists, but is sparing the Seeds as they go] “...I appreciate you not killing the murdery head-cult-family members, but…you think we could maybe lighten up on killing the rank and file? They don’t have the big names and they aren’t the leaders, but those are still people. They are responsible for their own actions, not saying they aren’t, but many of them are redeemable. Not all of them, but...maybe we can just lay them out in the infirmary for a good long while instead? Nothing permanent. The bad ones though can fall off a cliff.”

- [If the Deputy is doing a “selective killing” run of not killing rank and file cultists, but is in the process of killing all the Seed Heralds. Joshua sounds conflicted.] “I appreciate you not killing the followers, though some of them are definitely bastards who shouldn’t be allowed to walk free for the shit they’ve done, but...you think we could...maybe not kill the Seeds either? The Seeds are the primary responsible parties, not contesting that, but maybe we can just kick their asses and arrest them instead? It might help dampen the chaos somewhat, maybe we can use ‘em for leverage. We certainly could hide them somewhere secure that the Peggies wouldn’t be able to find ‘em. It’d be easier to talk Joseph down too, using his siblings as leverage.” [See above for killing route ending details.] Also? We’re driving in separate cars. Don’t turn on the radio, stay away from the others. You’re still brainwashed, and dangerous.” [Joshua is disappointed in the Deputy for not having stuck to some manner of universal moral principle.] - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route,] “Hey, you wanna play a game of checkers, or chess? Take five for a bit, if you got the time?” - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route,] “Hey, not to be mushy or anything, but...thank you. For being you. It’s inspiring to see someone’s able to take the higher path when everything’s falling to pieces all around us. Makes me have a little bit more faith in humanity, too.” - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route, and has been on said no-kill route for a decent amount of time,] “Hey, we grabbed some really good produce this time around and sent it on over to Casey. Told him I’d tell you to swing by, and asked him to save some for you in case you were interested. They’ve got some fresh beef for burgers and sandwiches, pumpkin pie, apple pie, loaded baked potatoes, and all kinds of other tasty stuff for a cookout. The Ryes are coming round to help pitch in and organize it all as a little morale boost party. Wanna come? You deserve to put up your feet and relax, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d appreciate your company if you felt like joining in. If you’d rather not, I can sneak food to you if you want quiet time to yourself. It’s all good, just tell me what you want and where you want it.”

Location Specific:

- Near where the police station was, if it’s been burned down: [Sighs.] “While I’m not missing the paperwork that got torched, there was a nice feel of history to the old place. Wish they hadn’t burned it down, fuckers. But, well...the Project and the Seeds have good reason to have no love for police and authority figures among others, even before all this horribleness and the leadup stuff came down. So I can’t say I’m surprised they did.”

- Upon entering the Spread Eagle, if friendly: “Finally, a place where everybody knows our names instead of yelling “Deputies!” at us all day! Wanna hit up the arcade? I’ll buy the first round if you get the higher score.”

- Seed Ranch, outside if it hasn’t been liberated, inside if it has been liberated: “Never going to understand why some folks want real airy houses with so much dead space as their main living quarters. Feels more like a knickknack museum you’re supposed to look at, not a home you’re supposed to live in. He’s got all this Eden’s Gate paraphernalia in those glass display cases, and I don’t doubt John’s fervent in his beliefs, but it feels more like a rich boy’s hunting and vacation lodge cobbled together with a vague idea of home. You saw the doghouse out back, right? What’s the point of having a dog live outside if you’ve got ALL this space, it’s all finished wood floors, and you’ve made sure to train ‘em and raise ‘em properly so they know not to chew on the furniture? It’s lonely, that’s what this is. Joseph chides John and all that about learning to love, but it’s a case of the blind leading the blind there.” - Outside St. Francis Veterans Center: [Before the Veterans Center is liberated, if Jacob has captured the Deputy at least once, so the song “Only You” is played around the Center, and the melody starts to be audible in the distance as the group approaches.] “Yeah hey, I’m going to go the other way now and wait for you over here where I can’t hear the song of madness, ‘kay? Maybe you should avoid it too.” [This is followed by Joshua refusing to go too close to the Center, sans possible AU story missions.] - Anywhere near Joseph’s Island: [The first time the party gets near Joseph’s Island,] “Uh. No. I’m not going near that place twice any sooner than we need to.” [Watch Joshua be willing to jump out even into deep water and swim away if the Deputy tries to approach the island with him in tow on a boat.]

OC Fighting Style

Tagged by @chyrstis​ !! Thank you for the tag!! :D <3 This was another fun one to fill out (and shorter than the above but you know what we’re stapling all of these bad boys into one post bc Why Not.) Have an aesthetic picture of a Jacob sheep skull upon a sheep skin for the fun implications of what that says about Joshua’s fighting style. xD Ram skull image after some searching was sourced from [here], with a creative commons license for free-to-reuse, with some limitations.

Rules: bold = often (or always), italics = sometimes, default = rarely, strike = never

fight honorably / fight dirty / prefer close-quarters / prefer range / chat during / go silent / low pain tolerance / high pain tolerance / attack in bursts / attack steadily / go for the kill / aim to disarm / fight defensively / bait an opponent’s first strike / strike first / provoked easily / provoke their opponent / tease / get visibly frustrated / shout while attacking / use strategy / focus on their battle / experience conflicting thoughts during battle / rush in recklessly / try to read their opponent before fighting / fight wildly / fight calmly, apathetically / fight with anger / fight with excitement / fight because they have to / fight because they want to / fight without regard to wounds / run away when wounded / hide wounds / take a blow to protect another / prefer a blade / prefer a gun (non lethal rounds/tranquilizer darts) / prefer a bow / prefer a shield /  prefer a spear naginata / prefer a personalized weapon / prefer psychic abilities / prefer brawling / their greatest weakness is physical / their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional / transform for battle / fight as they appear / rely on strength / rely on speed / use everything they have / hide their full potential / exhaust quickly /  high stamina / doubt their strength / proceed with caution / behave arrogantly / brag after landing a hit / belittle their abilities / use psychological tactics / use brute strength / avoid civilians / strike down civilians / damage surroundings / avoid damaging surroundings / signature fighting style / making it up as they go / mastered skillset / learning their skillset / fancy footwork / sloppy footwork / messy fighter / elegant fighter / accept defeat / refuse defeat / beg for mercy / compliment their opponent / insult their opponent / use unnecessary movements / move efficiently / barely move / prefer to dodge / prefer to block / defend their blindside / has no blindside / use all available advantages / strictly use one main method / play around / hold back / fight ruthlessly / show mercy / wait for opponent to be ready / strike when opponent isn’t ready / fear death  / fear pain / fear killing / has PTSD / avoid fighting / has lost a fight / has won a fight / has killed / refuses to kill / want to die standing / would succumb slowly

WIP Day

Tagged by @chyrstis and @hawkfurze !! Thank you for the tags!! :D <3

An excerpt from the current WIP chapter for ACABH: ————————— Weak. He was so weak, barely able to move right now, and he didn’t even know why. There was pain, a lot of pain, a feeling like his bones were on fire and about to crumble under pressure at any moment—but he’d been through worse. In this instance, he could recall that he’d fallen through the sky for a brief tumultuous time before gravity had stepped in, leading to him landing hard upon the road, as if making up for the lack of physics earlier. —————————

[dragonastra]

1-100 on the DnD questions, for Deah >:3

Wow you're sure as hell fishing to kill me huh xD

I'll answer these under a read more cuz FUCK. I'll also try to keep it spoiler free -- I may mention stuff that hasn't come up in game but it would be stuff that might not ever come up explicitly anyway. Everything else has either been said or can be gleaned.

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead Probably what she had been doing -- being a pirate

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life Probably Maddie and/or Gael. Maddie is a divine soul sorcerer and probably the one Deah is closest to. Gael is our barbarian/paladin who is probably the emotional backbone of the group? He is very earnest and genuine, and also hits like a brick house.

What are your character’s core moral beliefs? [Brushes off notes I made like a year ago] Promises must be kept, and debts one day fulfilled. Clean up the messes you made. Family is more important than self. Survival means not letting the past define you. (Not all morals but those are her ideals)

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings? She has a twin brother, whom she would die for. Their relationship used to be solid, but theyve currently broken apart somewhat due to lies and building tension, and the brother needing to go his own way. She is still very broken up about it. Her parents are both dead, and she has not spoken of much closeness there, but describes them as "they tried their best." Her pirate captain was basically a surrogate father for her teenage years and onward until their separation, and she... misses him.

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races? Not really. She probably doesnt trust ratfolk based on where she grew up, but beyond that? If you're good, you're good.

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority? (: fuck em. She is... shall we say... less inclined to help rich people.

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc. She's grown out her undercut so she has an asymmetrical style, one side of her head buzzed. She is still wearing her bright red pirate coat, but now wears a dark brown vest with purple accents underneath, as well as a long black sleeve to cover magical scars she received when she accepted a warlock pact with the hunter god. Also covering her scars is a gauntlet made by Maddie, so that they can't be detected by Detect Good and Evil and such.

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most? Sometimes she still thinks about that nap she had on the beach at a random island they had stopped at to restock on food.

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship? As i mentioned, she has a pact with the hunter god, Erastil. She does not worship him. In fact, she rather doesnt like gods much. She doesnt really understand other worshippers, but if they're not hurting anyone with it she doesn't really care. Their worship doesnt affect her.

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be? Let's get this binch some navigator's tools finally!

Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right. We are entirely online so we don't really have table seating. Based on the order of our nicknames in discord though, that would be... Haru, our new kitsune Oracle who joined us to fill a gap while some other players went on hiatus. Deah is uncertain about him, and she is generally pretty wary about strangers in her party, but he is useful. Their relationship is not deep by any means tbh.

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence? Stop the lord of the sea, and stop Aleksander.

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.? ;) you'll have to ask her

Has your character ever been in love? Before the campaign, certainly not. She's hella ace, and doesn't open up easily, so she's got some confusing feelings right now for Maddie ;)

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character The battle against Tokt, since this was the battle that she was able to help save a person from being possessed by a demon -- something she figured out beforehand and convinced her team about.

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead? I mean... probably a fighter???? Or maybe a full warlock, if she was desperate enough.

What is your character’s favorite season? Probably the fall? Sailing is usually good during that time, plus the harvest is coming in on land, so there's a lot of fresh food.

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology? She would be an Aries based on her birthday! Our homebrew world just uses "Season Day" as time markers, with 90 days each season. She was born on Spring 12, which would translate to the first week of April.

Where in the world does your character most want to visit? She's been all over as an adventurer and a sailor. The place she'd like to visit the most is one she doesn't know about -- somewhere important to her old captain.

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made? Deah would maybe even say joining the pirates. It was the happiest she'd ever been, but it led her brother to a path he regrets and feels pain over, and she feels a... bit guilty about that.

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories? The only scars she has are from her pact to Erastil. She hides them, though. She's not ashamed of them, but she likes to keep them to herself... she's private like that.

What animal best represents your character? I always liken her to a hawk, especially a sea hawk. In some ways she’s like a cobra or a porcupine too -- kind of hard to get close to!

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? 😬

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with? I don't know about most in common, really, but she gets along easiest with Ro, our halfling. Their banter is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻. Honestly though? She probably has the most in common with Mercy, our tiefling fighter/paladin.

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made? She probably regrets the party not staying behind in a certain town after a powerful enemy escaped. They thought the immediate threat had been dealt with and that another team from their guild could keep watch over the town, but then that team got surprised by an undead and two of them died. She feels at least partially responsible for that.

What would your character say their best trait would be? Her ability to perceive and track things. She has the observant feat plus the invocation that lets her see through even magical darkness!

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Being abandoned.

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party? No where else to go, really. Like, sure, she likes at least most of them and they've been through a lot!!! And she DOES you know, feel like this is a stable job, and she does feel good helping people. But... she really does have no where else to go. :(

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class? She does enjoy reading, though she's a little slow. Her favorite books are detective/mystery novels! She also sometimes likes to practice magic tricks (like... sleight of hand stuff). And technically this isnt outside of her class, but she really does enjoy training. Let's her burn off steam.

What would most people think when they first see your character? Pretty little waif, but that resting bitch face looks like she will cut me of I even say hello (this is by design).

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?) [Googles five man band] probably Lancer. Initially she wanted to be the Leader type but with the group dynamics and her own insecurities and issues, that isnt really truly possible for her. But she still tries to lead...

What is your character the most insecure about? :)

What person does your character admire most? Her old ship captain. Her DEAD ship captain :(

What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left? She admires maddie's strength and kindness (and to a degree, innocence). Maddie's cooking skills. Maddie's family. She dislikes how nervous/anxious and possibly depressed Maddie can get :c

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)? Her lowest stat is strength, and her second lowest is constitution. This is because she grew up poor, and was at times starving and definitely malnourished. Once she was om the pirate ship, she was regularly fed though.

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music? I've been saying if she was in modern time, her favorite band would be Florence and the Machine. There's just something about the Florence sound that speaks to her. She'd definitely be into that kind of music, plus some heavier stuff leaning more towards metal or symphonic metal...

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.) She's got the soul of a goth but the hobbies of a jock (in our team's college AU she's totally on the fencing and sailing teams). When I've drawn her in modern day she is usually wearing athleisure (capris leggings, loose tank top, sports bra, e.g.) but also it's mostly dark colors. She's Joth.

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them? Toby :) just kidding, the pseudodragon isn't an item!!! Specifically collected during the adventure, probably her force blade. Her brother had found it, but had given it to her, near the beginning of the adventure.

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find? She's not really looking out for items, no.

Where does your character feel the most at home? On the beach, on the ship. Specific locations to call home, she does finally feel like she has a stable place to call home in the patty's estate.

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people? She's worn disguises and fake names before, but that's mostly to protect herself during her pirate years. She doesn't care a whole lot, but she does want to appear somewhat intimidating so that unsavoury people won't approach her LMAO. But she also wants to be seen as nice by children and poor folk, so she does soften a bit when they're around.

What does your character think is the true meaning of life? Happiness. Safety. Survival. Family/community.

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.) She's always got a slight scent of salt on her, reminding you just a bit of the sea. For herself, she prefers to just smell... clean, so there's a fresher floral scent lingering...

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? She tries to think more with her brain but sometimes the bottled up emotions get to be a bit much.

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare? BEING. ABANDONED.

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.) She hates (most) rich people and used to be a pirate, so you can kind of figure it out.

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends? :(

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?) I dunno man she is just taking things one step at a time.

What colors are associated with your character? Red is her primary color. She also uses blacks/dark grays and a light purple as an accent. She's using more brown now tho to represent her connection to the hunter god.

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances? Maddie always. Then Ro. Then Gael. Haru would probably be up there because he is squishy and also mostly blind.

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos? A mix of pathos and logos is most effective on Deah. Logos probably most of all, but there are pathos buttons that hold away above all that... if you know which buttons to press.

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for? Currently? To bring back her pirate captain. She knows its selfish but...

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.? Her favorite spell is stab with rapier.

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party? She keeps secrets pretty regularly! Basically if the party needs to know, then the secret should be shared. But if it doesnt really affect the group or something important, and the person doesnt want to share, then go ahead and keep the secret.

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by? Dragons probably, at this point. Definitely an influence by me the player, haha, but it's buoyed by an early meeting with a particular dragon that sparked her interest.

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she didnt have life plans as a kid. She just wanted her and her brother to live.

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond? That's already happened LMAO. Deah didnt know how to react so her brain blur screened and she ran away from the situation for a bit.

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with? If it only involved herself, Deah would probably go do it. But if it was a huge net loss for the group, she wouldn't, if that makes sense? It's hard to make sweeping statements like that.

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s? She values her own interest for sure, but she would prioritize the party's if one meant dunking on the other. She knows what it's like to sail with a tight knit crew; sometimes you sacrifice to make the group as a whole better/happier.

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group? Oh gosh, uh.... I mean, if they decide to help her enemies (not likely to happen, there are a couple shared ones). If they don't let her do something she REALLY wants... I can't really think of anything specific.

How does your character imagine the way they will die? Tragically. 

What is your character’s greatest achievement? Taming her pseudodragon ;w;

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal? Hmm... not to a certain degree. Eh, probably not. She only really wants to risk herself, not others. Risking others doesn't give them the choice.

What is your character’s opinion on killing others? She does it all the time!! But if they're defenseless or not fighting back, she won't.

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage? She really loves fresh baked bread!! As for beverage, uh.... I guess she'd like water with like, something fruity mixed in???

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know? To the poor and to kids? Very. Also, recently, she gave all of the money she got from a quest to a townsperson to help them rebuild their city a bit (secretly of course. Not even her team knows she did that, though maybe some of them suspect hahaha)

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party? Once again... probably most envious of Maddie!! She comes up a lot doesn't she ;P

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe? Maddie vs Haru? Shed probably lean towards Maddie :p

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex? I've described Deah as Panromantic Asexual. She is rather sex averse and has difficulty pinpointing romantic feelings as well, being rather prickly at times.

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve? When people try to dig into something she doesn't want to share at the moment.

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc. The current objective/situation involves her backstory, so you'll see soon ;)

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret? Maddie of course! She trusts Gael, but not with secrets. Similarly, she trusts Mercy to hold an oath to the best of her ability, but not if a secret comes up -- same with Rudi. Ro does what she wants LMAO and she isnt telling Haru anything personal atm.

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life? I dont want to think about that question and neither does Deah

What makes your character feel safe? Having her weapons. Having her pact/her pact scars.

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be? Nah, she likes Fortune's Blades

What memory does your character want to forget the most? Cal leaving. It's probably her most painful memory.

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so? She's already multi classed and her reasons for becoming a warlock are kind of muddied. She explained them initially but maaaaybe wasn't 100% truthful. If she had to pick a third, probably uh.... fighter?????

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?) I would HOPE she would be friends with Elizabeth Swan (: but idk lol

What unusual talents does your character possess? Sharp senses and magic tricks.

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower? It's rather situational. She tries to be a leader type, but she also realizes she's not at the top of the leader chain (and, with her party, at times different people take the head, so it's almost more consult-y like).

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?) The player of Cal, her brother, chose his name first from a generator. I like to construct my names sometimes from different name elements, so I made hers to match the sound of her twin's (that is, make it sound like it came from the same language). Her name is constructed of "Feld-" (field) and "-Deah" (dye) so her first name translates roughly to "field of dye." Her original last name is Shearwater, which is a real life sea bird but also follows the traditional elven naming convention (their dad was an elf). She never felt much of an attachment to her last name. She recently changed her last name to Blackheart, which was the moniker of her captain.

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert? Introvert for sure

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all? She would go as far as she needs to, but would never force others to make that same decision.

What does your character want to be remembered by? At one point she thought she would eventually be a famous pirate captain. But mostly I think she just wants to be remembered by those who love her and by those she helped...

What would be your character’s major in college? Fuck, uh... I had discussed this before.... I think I made her pre-law??? Math major???

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else? Something else. She doesn't really care about that, she's just Being.

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character? I believe last it was discussed I had picked the Chariot for her.

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years? If not dead from adventuring, then settled somewhere nice, hopefully...

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it? For a long time she was the Sokka of the group, the only non-magic user. Then she got her pact. She's still kind of awkward about it, and at times really doesn't like magic, but she sees it as a tool. A means to an end.

Who is your character’s biggest rival? Rival?????? I guess Morrigan tbh??? Cuz a rival isn't an enemy, and she had a thing going with Morrigan (her player is on hiatus tho). In some ways she rivals Mercy too. A dance of similarities and differences.

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure? Fine, beautiful dresses. She doesn't own any, because it's a waste of money, but.... she wants them. Secretly.

What does your character hope for the afterlife? Peace and rest.

Who in the party does your character trust the least? Haru, currently, simply by virtue of being new.

What is your character’s biggest flaw? BIGGEST flaw???? Uhhhmmm..... Her secrecy probably. Her tendency to run away from really big, painful problems, to bottle up her emotions around that until everything just gets worse.

How did your character learn the languages that they speak? Common, prucrician and Elvish she learned just growing up. Deep, she just... mysteriously knows. Doesn't know why she can speak it. Draconic she learned at first from Rudi, and then from a dragonborn NPC to finish her lessons during a timeskip.

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry? Rapier

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? Why must she choose? Wealth, because that brings health and happiness in her eyes. (Because money buys food and when you have food.....)

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves? I know it's hard, but open up more. You don't have to keep it to yourself to protect others. Your brother can be your friend as well... you don't have to just keep holding yourself back for your friends and family.

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about? She doesn't feel super strongly about politics, having been a pirate. She feels strongly about protecting children and poor though, as I've mentioned.

What, currently, is your character the most curious about? The afterlife. Erastil, but specifically just that one god. Her ship captain.

[thefudge]

scattered thoughts on sanditon so far 

this is a fun romp from andrew davies and there’s a lot to like and be invested in

but i do have some observations/ gripes

obviously davies is going for a modern/sexed up adaptation of austen and i have mixed thoughts on that, cuz there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with that, but you can also botch it up big time (i’m glad he didn’t do this to p&p back in 1995...i wonder what that adaptation would’ve looked like today. probably full monty darcy, lol). so i think some elements verge on the ridiculous, for instance having almost every dude in this show strip naked in front of a crowded beach several times in a row. ditto for theo james. i don’t mind the view (hehe) but i think it’s inserted awkwardly at times. like okay, we get it, it’s a beach resort and we’re trying to make austen edgy in 2019.... just maybe indulge a little less and literally keep it in your pants. 

this being a more modern adaptation i don’t mind hair and make-up anachronisms, but i DO mind the fact that rose williams sports this really weird shade of fuchsia lipstick in almost every single scene. stop iiiit

speaking of which, rose williams is a cutie and i loved her on reign, but i don’t understand what she’s doing with her face in this series. don’t get me wrong, she does a good job of making charlotte very likable, but the only way she can express...anything, really, is by making these confused faces, like a child practicing frowning in the mirror. it’s...really awkward. and she does this all the time, whether she’s happy or sulky or nervous, she just always looks like she’s trying to figure out the fibonacci sequence.  i mean it’s hilarious when u have theo james going all gruff to her about his feelings and rose williams is that gif of the blond lady doing math in her head. her acting is pretty good otherwise, but those faceeeees.

esther denham is my goddamn FAVE, gosh i love a Disappointed Queen and i’m glad she’s getting away from that boring skeevy brother. for once the incestuous siblings didn’t do it for me at all (which is pretty much the point lol). there’s nary a dude more uninteresting than edward whatshisface, my gaaaawd (also, davies trying to ramp up the sexiness with those scenes of edward brushing her hair or doing her stays...lol, sir, this rly isn’t your strength i’m sorry)

but i have to say that i thought esther and clara would be a thing. because my gosh, the chemistry during their scenes! the way they’d glide past each other with utmost contempt, while being disquieted by each other @___@. i mean it’s an austen adaptation, so i guess they’d never go there but!!! i need fic (would’ve made clara more bearable at least. i appreciate her character objectively cuz she’s an interesting pseudo-antagonist and you don’t get many of those, but blerghh. she was insufferable)

i was kinda (actually very) disappointed that the relationship between sidney and his ward, georgiana, wasn’t really developed. like there’s one more episode to go (as far as i know?) and they’ve barely scratched the surface with them. i mean he’s halfway decent to her now.... but ehh. i feel like this was a missed opportunity. after all, this was austen’s unfinished novel, so andrew davies & co could have added more material between these two. this, to me, should have been the real heart of the series. 

i like otis as a character, but georgiana/otis was zzzzzz. i suppose that they’ll end up together? zzzzzzzzzz (i frankly ship her way more with arthur! she finds him infuriating! he’s a sweetheart! the shenanigans!)

that German doctor is the real MVP, i feel like he should be sanditon’s no. 1 bachelor. i mean the shower rod??? providing pleasure to all the ladies in town, what a hero 

the soundtrack is rly rad! and the cinematography

i love how the show captures austen’s growing interest in the industrialized modern world which was emerging in the twilight years of the regency and i feel like maybe the show should’ve invested more time in that modern aesthetic (steampunk!) rather the awkward sexual shenanigans 

so....i can’t delay the inevitable anymore, can i? sigghh okay here i go

sidney/charlotte...annoys me. 

HEAR ME OUT.

 u know that i love LOVE “enemies to lovers” and hate/love stories, i LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. 

and i was ready to gorge on this dynamic because it looked delish 

 but i felt like michael bluth finding the dead pigeon in the paper bag. 

from what i can gather, sidney is supposed to be a mixture of darcy and capt wentworth, “haughty” and proud, with a history of romantic disappointment, a brooding sexy hero with a heart of gold. but to me this dude just comes off as weird. 

there’s legit no reason for him to be THIS mean to this young girl he just met. he is not just an asshole, he is ridiculously over the top about it, to the point where he makes a fool of himself. i am FINE with a man telling a woman off, believe me, but it has to have some kind of motivation, some kind of reasoning behind it. here, it just feels like the plot needs him to be utterly shitty to charlotte so that “sparks will fly”. that first ep convo on the balcony??? wtf???? it was genuinely bizarre. i got weird incel vibes. and every time he lashes out at charlotte (at least in the first 4 episodes) it’s fucking silly, because it’s not like he lashes out because she’s scratching the surface of his innermost painful memories. no!!! many of their arguments revolve around basic things that he could easily clarify!!! which he does eventually, so like whyyyyyyyyyy. charlotte keeps telling him he’s being vague for no good reason and he still does it. it doesn’t make sense he’d be this guarded and outspoken at the same time. like, fine, keep that shit to yourself, don’t tell ppl, but don’t also get pissed at them when they don’t guess your mind. again, i love an antagonist dynamic when it’s done right, but here many times it’s just pointless bullying, it’s not sexy or fun or challenging. the writers keep making charlotte apologize to him about how “wrong” she got him and how he makes her doubt her judgement but it sounds fake to me. like a) this dude went out of his way to be a total assface to you from day one, b) none of that bullying was him trying to coax you into having a more complicated view of the world. when darcy rebukes elizabeth, he is hinting at her limited point of view. he’s not blatantly negging her or calling her stupid as this dude does. AND U KNO WHAT.

i’d be absolutely fine with him calling her stupid IF IT MADE SENSE WITHIN THE STORY 

like if charlotte had truly done smth stupid during the first episode, sure, fine, it’s somewhat warranted 

but for him to decide she’s an idiot for no other reason than her making some honestly super nice remarks about his brothers when he asked for her opinion is THE HEIGHT OF NONSENSE 

it’s even more nonsense when 2 episodes later he decides maybe she’s not that dumb after all FUCK U MR. EDGELORD

and it makes me pity charlotte cuz she’ll probably marry this dude and have to deal with him in his old age when he’ll be even more insufferable. 

and i totally get the appeal. i do! i mean their scenes are manufactured to make you want more of them, i see the chemistry, it’s there (and we’re already at a point in the series where he’s trying to make amends) but at the same time i’m put off by this dude’s intensity, cuz it’s not the hot kind of intensity...it’s more like he’s a giant dumb baby who breaks things. meh. theo james is very pretty tho, and he is doing the most with his character (that voice def helps!). but i wish this antagonistic relationship had been written better, because it could’ve been glorious

this is why i think sidney/georgiana should’ve been so much more present. just like darcy has his georgiana we need the humanizing element, we need to see more variety from this dude than just “guy who clearly needs anger management classes”. 

i’m pretty sure i’m in the minority or possibly one of two ppl not won over by this romance, and i can’t lie and say i don’t root for them. too much of this show is predicated on their clashes for them not to work it out and get together, but boyyyy do i wish they’d done it a bit better

i almost feel like a reylo anti lol, but at least kylo ren doesn’t neg rey every single time they talk 

also, i go back to rose williams’ faces because they just rly enhance how clumsy this dynamic is. theo james is doing byronic asshole 2.0 and charlotte looks at him like he’s developed a smell lmao. i mean the scene where she catches him naked? she turns around and FROWNS in this rly bizarre way, almost like she noticed a growth on his dick lmao it’s that bad 

anyway i totally get the appeal, but i also know what i want from this kind of dynamic and...this ain’t quite it 

honestly i think i prefer charlotte/cute architect guy whose name i don’t remember right now! 

that being said, my fave moments of this show are the most austen-esque, where ppl don’t take themselves so seriously. i mean the adventures of the perennially-ailing parker siblings (arthur & diana)? deeeelightful. the pineapple scene? glorious

also it makes me sad that sanditon was left unfinished because to see austen tackling georgiana’s character in depth would have been so, so interesting 

in conclusion, the show’s a lot of fun but also frustrating in many ways

i hope davies doesn’t set his eyes on re-adapting p&p or other austen classics because ermmm i know i’m trash but i am kind of tired of these sexed-up “look how scandalous we are behind closed doors” adaptations. you can make the regency era feel modern and relatable without “shocking hand job in the estate park” pls and thank u. sure, the regency era was the inheritor of the sexually relaxed 18th-century, but it wasn’t that relaxed yall. ppl still kept their wits and bonnets about them.

still, i’m glad this show exists and that it tries to take risks, i just wish it took different kinds of risks, if that makes sense. like i am SO bummed i didn’t get into sidney/charlotte, u have no idea 

[wannawritefast]

The Crown of Brooklyn

A/N: Hey! I have recently become obsessed with the mobster!AU. And I haven’t written for our beloved Cap in a while. So I did a thing. I hope you like my thing. I certainly like this thing. I’m tagging @caplansteverogers cuz I love her and she inspired me to write this! Feedback is appreciated and, once again, requests are OPEN. xoxo, Echo

Warnings: Death (including death of a single mother of a young girl), blood, violence, alcohol use, mentions of sexual harassment and rape, attempted roofie

You grew up amongst crime. Your father was involved in a mob in Brooklyn and your mother worked as a spy for them. Your parents would have been more surprised if you didn’t enter into the life of crime in Brooklyn than if you had.

Unfortunately, they died when you were in your teens but it came with the territory and you easily made peace with the fact that they had died doing what they chose to do. And you made easier peace with the fact that you wanted in.

Somehow you infiltrated the mob that had taken out your parents and investigated their deaths. But rather than take out the boss you became family of sorts to him.

He never had children and always wanted kids of his own (something about scaring any possible wives away with revealing his job). He held you close as he got old. He doted on you as if you were his own daughter and you were the little princess of the mob. When he passed away he passed his job to you: his only child and the young queen of one of the most powerful mobs in Brooklyn.

As you rose to power you evolved the mob into something different, something unprecedented; you focused your mob on the women. You cleaned out the plague of oppression in strip clubs still keeping them standing but actually taking care of your workers and recutting their pay to be fair. The strippers enjoyed their jobs but not the harassment that came with it.

You swapped out your heist squad with inconspicuous girls. Overall you found that they just did the jobs better.

You didn’t kill the men or condemn any of your girls that wanted to pursue relationships. But any men that continued to treat you or your girls like garbage after fair warning to change their ways were taken out immediately.

Your numbers grew quickly. Women on the streets of Brooklyn were terrific allies. You became a guardian angel of sorts to the women that had been taken advantage of, harassed, and violated. Even though Brooklyn was high in crime, the numbers for rape, sexual harassment, and domestic abuse went down and the perpetrators were dealt with seemingly overnight. Even when you left Brooklyn to travel, your destination was cleansed of their sexual assault perpetrators. Your reputation traveled around the world as much as you did and you became influential.

The archetype that women were catty and two-faced was only true in movies as far as your experience was concerned. You took care of your girls and they helped you in many more ways than you could have possibly imagined. Who knew girl positivity and togetherness could be so powerful?

Your team was built of the most boss women you had ever possibly met. As it turned out you had assembled the best weapons engineers, self defense trainers, and hackers the city had seen and it was all underneath everyone’s noses because you were girls. And they were your girls. The mutual dependency made everyone close and your sisterhood type of bond rivaled that of sororities. Let’s just say Elle Woods would be proud.

Under the moniker of Juno, the queen of the Roman gods, you made it a point to learn hand-to-hand combat (anything with a blade became your new favorite) and trained those in your care. Soon enough, grown men cried in fear of the women they so commonly threw aside in their pursuits of power. Bitches had never been so feared in all of Brooklyn.

The Bitches specialized in diamonds. Your black market sales made incredible amounts of money and you made sure that your girls were paid before you were. Your new weapons became something that the other gangs sought after and, in exchange for providing arms, they offered protection and backup when jobs needed to get done.

The gangs of the world soon had a soft spot for The Bitches and the scariest mob bosses took you under their wings. You joined them for family dinners and to much of them you were like an adoptive daughter or sister. They understood that you didn't get involved in bad blood feuds between the other gangs but saw you as family nonetheless. Enemies were powerful but nothing beats the power of friends. Naturally it came as no surprise when your gang became the most successful in all of Brooklyn.

Well… Steve Rogers and his goons wouldn’t agree with that. But who gives a fuck about him?

The two of you hated each other. Although you never dared attack the other, it was abundantly clear that you were oil and water. You didn’t mix. Something about power-crazed mob leaders that had equally large egos and self-assurance in their abilities. You never interacted with him and you liked it that way.

Your assistant pinged your BlueTooth earpiece in the middle of a meeting. “Juno, we have a situation.”

With your codename ringing in your ear (in case your lines were tapped), you raised your manicured finger to the businessmen in the room, demanding a moment. “Can it wait?”

She took a deep breath. “Not really…”

“Why?” You asked suspiciously.

“It’s Rogers…”

“Fuck him,” you said, with no hesitation and returned to speaking to your audience again.

“He’s here.”

You paused. That made you stop in your tracks. Your skin prickled and blood boiled at the mere sound of his name. “He’s here? Why the fuck is he here?” You spat. The people around the table all jumped.

“It’s one of our girls.”

Oh hell to the no… Without a second thought you slammed the projector remote into the table and shattered it. A part of the glass table rained down with it as you stalked for the door.

“Meeting dismissed,” you growled as you threw open the door and it banged against the wall. The hinges snapped off the threshold. “I have a dead motherfucker to deal with.”

You smoothed your white jacket and pencil skirt and cracked your neck as you unholstered your vintage pistol.

Your assistant met you down the hallway. Victoria was your temper control, thank god for that.

Seeing your warpath, she immediately slowed you. “It wasn’t him or any of his men.”

It sated you a little bit but you were still fuming. He knew better than to just show up uninvited, unannounced. What kind of bullshit was this? “Then who’s responsible?”

“I didn’t tell you who was taken out…”

“Doesn’t matter. Whoever did it is going to pay with their life.” With that, you pushed past her and into the room where Rogers and his boys presumably were. You couldn’t believe that he thought he could just waltz in here on your turf as if he owned the place. You shoved the door open and were met with four men all looking at you, two out of the three startled.

“Well, hello to you too,” James prompted. Your eyes immediately landed on Steve, the bastard. He only blinked casually at your storming.

“Shut it, Barnes!” You snarled. “Start talking Rogers. Why the fuck are you here?”

Your rival mob boss stared you down cooly. Two alpha personalities in one room created a volatile environment. Especially with Steve motherfucking Rogers. “Cursing isn’t becoming of a lady,” he mocked.

“Well, it's a good thing that I’m not a lady, Rogers. I’m your worst nightmare.” You got in his face, the white of your suit contrasting the volatility of your temper.

“I’m the King. I’m your worst nightmare.” He got in your face right back and stared you down right back with his light blue eyes that contrasted his pitch black suit.

“Yeah, you’re both nightmares. Get a room some other time,” your jaw dropped as your head snapped to one of his cronies… Sam. “Meanwhile we have a real problem.”

You bristled a bit and you weren’t sure if the wave of heat that washed over you was embarrassment or anger but you brushed it aside. “Please! Steve wishes he could.” You glanced at the boss standing next to you. He narrowed his eyes at you. “That’s not important right now though.” Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself for the damage and nodded at Victoria to fill you in.

“There were two bodies discovered at 3 AM this morning at our docks. One of them was a Rogers cronie… a man known as Phillip.” Steve gulped beside you as Victoria continued. “The second was one of our own… Cleo.”

Your heart dropped at the announcement but you took a deep breath. “What were they fighting over?”

Victoria shook her head. “They weren’t fighting.” You cocked an eyebrow. “They were sniped. In fact, our intel tells us that the cron- uh- Phillip was planning on proposing later that evening… to Cleo.”

You needed to sit down. Cleo had disclosed to you that she was dating someone new. Someone who actually loved her… and her daughter. Her daughter… She didn’t tell you he was a Rogers goon. You felt sick to your stomach.

“Her daughter is with a social worker. I sent Florence over there already to get her situated in the meantime and I… um… I have custody papers when you’re ready to look over them and-”

You cut her off with a motion of your hand. That was a matter you would take care of later. “Any word from our private investigator?”

“Actually,” Sam interjected, “we sent in our P.I. as well… And there’s reason to believe that there’s a new mob in Brooklyn and they want your titles.”

“‘Titles?’ What do you mean ‘titles?’” You interrupted Sam.

“We mean they want you and Steve…” He drew a line with his finger across his neck.

“We don’t… We aren’t working together. Does this new gang have any brains whatsoever? Do they know that we’re not allied?”

“Yeah.” James spoke this time. “They just don’t care. And they’re getting bolder.”

Steve crossed his arms and spoke. “They took out one of our artifact ships last week. It was leaving our harbor on the way to pick some up and they exploded it. 150 meters from the docks. It was a power play.”

You took a deep breath. “What does this mean for us?” You asked. “Why do I care? For all I know this is a ploy by you to take me out.”

“Y/n,” he addressed you, softer than usual. Steve always called you by Juno when he did talk to you. This was serious. “There were two bullets… in each.”

You gulped. One would have been a coincidence. Two… was not an accident. Especially if Phillip was sniped. “You’re sure it's the new gang?”

“They signed off on the deaths. They took credit for it,” Sam interjected.

“I wouldn’t be asking for help unless there was a real threat here…” Steve turned to you, his face dead serious. “In fact, you’d probably be the last person I went to in conflict. They want my crown and power and will do anything to get it. Including take down threats, like you and me. I will not let them tread on innocent bystanders and pull civilians into the crossfire.”

His eyes held a certain plea. You hadn’t seen any expression close to this one cross his features. Ever. Although you would rather be arrested than help Steve under normal circumstances, this was not normal. And deep down you knew that you needed his help just as much as he needed yours, if the speculations about the new gang were to be believed. No matter how much either of you would want to deny that you needed help at all.

“Fine,” you agreed, “I’ll help.” A smirk pulled on the corner of Steve’s mouth. You pulled the whiskey in the glass vial off the alcohol shelf in the room and, after taking a swig, you poured it into five glasses. You maintained eye contact as you offered a glass to the mob boss standing in front of you.

“If your men or their families don’t feel safe, I can set them up a space. Just say the word.” Everyone in the room now had their glass. Victoria merely held hers respectfully but didn’t drink. She was never any fun. But Steve downed it in one go and returned the glass to you to be refilled. “It’s nothing Juno can’t do. But there’s something you should know, Steve.”

You refilled it generously. “I wear the crown here. Not you…”

“I hope you know, Steve, that this doesn’t mean I trust you.” You were seated in the booth of one of Steve’s restaurants: a swanky joint with invite access only. Tonight it was empty except for you, Steve, and the “up and coming” mob boss who was running late.

You smoothed your long red dress and subconsciously ran your fingers over your garter knife holster, just in case. Tapping your painted fingernails on the white-clothed table you took a sip of the red wine offered to you. The diamond necklace perched on your collar bones was a comforting weight but still did little to calm the small bout of anxiety in your system.

“I know it doesn’t. I still don’t trust you either.” Steve unbuttoned and rolled the botSteves of his shirt sleeves. He adjusted his red handkerchief. The two of you truly hadn’t intended on matching. It just happened. “God, he was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago…”

“Steve,” you started. He turned toward you and for a moment you realized how nice he looked. Only for a moment. “If I die tonight, the hit is going on your head.”

“You’re not going to die,” Steve grabbed his whiskey and took a sip as he reclined back and crossed an ankle over his knee. “It’ll be fine.”

You scoffed as you pulled your pocket mirror out of your clutch, which conveniently had bullets in it, and were reminded of the 1930’s style mini-pistol securely lodged in the middle of your chest. With the mirror flicked open you dabbed at your lipstick delicately with your finger.

“You look good. I have no idea what you’re fussing over.” Steve commented as he lightly scratched his nose. Was that a compliment? Your eyes shot to him in shock.

“Did Steve Rogers, the second best mob boss in Brooklyn, just compliment me?” You hovered a hand over your red lips in exaggerated surprise.

He rolled his eyes at you and was about to respond when the door to the dining room was thrown open. Steve and yourself stared at the swaggering young man who strode to your table.

“Sorry I’m late,” he breathed, but there was no apology in his tone whatsoever. “Traffic.” He snapped his fingers at one of the waiters and ordered vodka. The young man briefly sized you up by running his eyes unabashedly up and down your frame before turning to face Steve. What a pig…  “So what seems to be the issue? I was invited here by the esteemed Steven Rogers with no explanation. I’m not complaining, by any means. But I do think you called me here for a reason,” his eyes landed on you again. “The eye candy is incredible by the way. How much is she?” He leaned forward with a smirk. Your jaw dropped in disbelief. Who did he think he was?

“She’s not for sale, asshole,” Steve asserted. He had his eyes narrowed at the little shit. The blood roared in your ears as the man’s vodka was set on the table. Your temper was no longer amiable. There was blood in the water now and you and Steve were honing in on your prey like you had a thousand times before.

You patted one of Steve’s clenched fists that was resting on the table. “Don’t worry, Steve. I’ve got this…” Your fingers wrapped around your wine glass and brought it to your matching lips. “Darling, you wish you could afford me.”

The man chuckled darkly as he ran a hand through his hair. “Ah, I see. No, don’t worry. I can respect an arrangement. Hey, sweetheart, tell your-”

“I’m not a messenger,” you sipped your wine. “And Steve and I have no arrangement. But I’ll tell you what can be arranged: a bounty on your head… or a hit. Your choice really.”

The man leaned forward threateningly. “I’m sorry but are you in any position to be making threats, whore?”

You blinked slowly and ever so slightly pulled down the top left side of your dress to reveal a tattoo of a minimalist crown: your unmistakable emblem of power. His reaction went from anger to lust to nervousness in mere seconds. The man gulped harshly as he downed his vodka and strained to keep his eyes challenging. You pulled the fabric back up and tapped Steve’s hand again. “I’ll let you cut back in, Steve.”

It was your turn to lean back once Steve took the reins. As he leaned forward you saw the amused sideways smile he had directed at you before it turned bloodthirsty. Something about watching it happen caused you to stir a little.

“You should really think about who you threaten before you do it. But you won’t have to worry about that anymore.” Steve poured himself more whiskey.

“Why-why is that?” The man stammered as his hands found his lap. This guy thought we wouldn’t retaliate…

“Because you’re going to shut down your sorry charade, pack your things, and leave Brooklyn.” Steve stared the man down. “And never come back.”

A waiter set down a tiramisu in front of you, Steve, and this sad excuse for a gang boss looking like he was going to wet himself.

You decided to speak up again. You stuck your fork in the rich slab of custard, coffee, and pastry. “Did you think you could take out my best programmer, yank her daughter away from her only stability in life, and not deal with the wrath of her aunties, one of which is Juno, the Mob Queen of Brooklyn?”

“I-I have a-uh-a sniper.” The man stuttered. He was grabbing for straws.

“I’m sorry,” Steve piped up. He stretched his arm closest to you out and laid it on the rim of the booth. “But are you in any position to be making threats, you son of a bitch?”

You chuckled at Steve’s response. “You’ve got two options: my way or Steve’s. Which one would you prefer?” You swirled the dark liquid in its glass.

“The latter.”

You nodded in agreement. “I thought so.”

The scoop of tiramisu on your fork tasted delicious. You watched the man in front of you wear regret on his face. This man was not cut out for the mob life. He wore his emotions too outwardly. You were doing him a favor really.

“Did you honestly think that you could threaten the two most powerful people in Brooklyn and get away with it?” Steve asked as he began eating the dessert in front of him.

The man only stared at his dessert contemplatively. You went back to your clutch to check your phone. But before the screen could even turn on, there was a clatter at the table in front of you.

You, startled by the sudden commotion, looked back up. The man’s hand was hovering over your wine glass with a tiny vial clutched in his fingers. A roofie bottle. Steve had one hand wrapped around the man’s wrist and the other had a gun pressed against the man’s temple. Steve was staring the man down, a deadly look in his blue eyes.

You couldn’t stop yourself from shaking with rage. In one swift motion you pulled your pistol out of your dress and stood up, knocking the table over. It toppled to the side noisily and the sound of utensils, plates, and glasses hitting the tile floor echoed through the empty room.

You pointed the gun at his forehead and a humorless laugh escaped your lungs. “You motherfucker… Looks like we’re doing this my way. Any last words?”

The man looked at you like he was a man with nothing to lose: the most dangerous look in the world. “You’re a bitch,” he spat. Quicker than a blink he drew a knife from his jacket and stabbed it into your outer thigh.

You screamed in pain and your leg began to give out for a few seconds. You supported yourself before nodding in agreement. “Yeah, I am.” And with those words you fired your gun.

The man slumped lifelessly in the booth and rolled to the side onto the floor. You dropped your pistol to the booth and fell back into the seat. You stared at the knife protruding from your leg with a wince.

Steve stepped over the legs of the fallen table and got to the other side of you. Your head was now thrown back against the rim of the booth, trying to manage the sharp pain running up and down your right leg. Maybe if you didn’t look at it it wouldn’t hurt as bad.

“Are you ok? Can you walk?” His voice sounded. Your eyes were clenched shut in pain.

“I have a knife in my leg, Steve… What do you think?” You brought your neck back up. There was a knife in your leg. The only thought going through your head is that it would be a good idea if the knife was removed. You reached your hand to grab the handle. But Steve’s hand grabbed yours to stop it.

“You’re not thinking right. Don’t touch the knife or you’ll lose more blood,” You nodded in agreement. That made more sense you supposed. He yelled for his guard to call one of his medical cars. His guard raced off noting the urgency of the situation. “You need to lie down. Come on. Let’s get you to the floor.”

You nodded through the nausea and lightheadedness that was seizing you and helped Steve help you to the black tile floor. Keeping your leg as still as possible, you used the rest of your body to slide off the booth.

“It’s gonna be a few minutes,” Steve remarked softly. You were laying on the ground now and your vision was starting to sparkle a little bit. “Let me get you more comfortable.”

Steve was remaining calm as he took off his jacket and threw it over your torso. He began unbuttoning his dress shirt leaving him in a wife beater. His dress shirt was quickly rolled up and stuck underneath your head. You closed your eyes and took deep breaths, not daring to look at your thigh.

“Steve?” You inquired. You could feel yourself slipping out of consciousness.

“Yeah?”

“Can you take off my heels please?”

“Yeah…” You felt the shoes get pulled off your feet but any pleasure that it may have provided was overpowered by the agonizing pain in your leg.

“Steve. I think I’m going to pass out.” You warned. Your hand latched on Steve’s. His opened to accommodate yours. It felt nice.

“You’ve gotta stay awake or… I’ll… I’ll take your crown.” He offered. His tone wasn’t serious but you appreciated the effort.

“If I wasn’t able to wear the crown,” you opened your eyes to look at him. His blue eyes looked into yours with something that looked strange… Worry, maybe? That couldn’t be right. Your mind was playing tricks on you. “I’d be more than happy for you to wear it.”

You felt your eyes roll to the back of your head and you blacked out.

You woke up in an unfamiliar room. It was a bedroom with typical furnishings but it had hospital equipment next to you instead of a nightstand. You stared up at the canopy draping over the top of the bed for a few seconds.

The silkiness of the sheets felt smooth against your skin. Remembering what happened before you went unconscious, you gingerly hovered your hand over your leg from above the covers.

“And Juno lives,” a voice sounded from the doorway. Footsteps moved along the carpeted floor and they stopped at your bedside. You turned your head and saw Steve standing with his hands in his pockets.

You groaned groggily. “Are my girls ok?”

Steve smiled at your question. It wasn’t a vicious smile but a kind one. One you hadn’t seen him wear before. Your heart didn’t skip a beat… did it? “You got stabbed with a knife in the thigh, passed out, had to get stitches (which I ever so graciously covered for you) and you’re asking if someone else is ok?”

You shrugged… it’s all you had the energy for. “Well, are they?”

He chuckled and shook his head at you. Maybe the nurse needed to look at your cardiac vitals too… “They’re as good as when you left them. You need to rest.”

“I can’t rest. I have to-,” you attempted to sit yourself up. Steve only put his hand out to stop your shoulder when it reached his palm. It felt like he had pushed you full force back into the mattress. “I have to lie down… For a while.”

“Is there anything you need that I can bring you?” He crossed his arms over his chest as he peered down at you.

“My pistol, my phone, and three shots of tequila.” You listed earnestly. “Please.”

“I can get you one of the those,” he responded before leaving the room.

You whispered to yourself. “Please be the tequila…” He sauntered back in with your phone and you reached for it longingly. You figured you would just have to settle for next best.

It touched your fingers and you unlocked it immediately to dial Victoria. But before you could touch ‘call’ Victoria herself appeared in the doorway.

“Oh thank God you’re alright!” She rushed into the room and hugged you tight. “I thought you had been taken out when Steve called and said you’d been stabbed.” He called them personally?

“Well, unfortunately for Steve, this bitch is still alive and kicking.” You winked at Victoria playfully and turned your gaze to Steve briefly. “Sorry, darling, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” you joked.

“Damn,” he cursed exaggeratedly. His eyes glistened humorously. “I can not believe you foiled my elaborate plan.”

You shifted the tone of the conversation and forced yourself to sit up, a little stronger than when you had woken up. “I suppose I’ve overstayed my welcome.” You yanked the blankets off your torso and shifted to move off of the bed.

You finally saw your leg since you had been ever so rudely stabbed in the leg. There were bandages wrapped from the base of your hip to the top of your knee. Your thigh was officially sans knife. The small use of your muscles sent a hot shockwave of pain through your leg and up to your lower back. Your expression soured instantaneously as you took deep breaths and steeled yourself to stand. Nausea welled up and punched you in the gut but you weren’t going to let a tummy ache stop you.

Victoria and Steve alike rushed forward to force you back to laying down. “What are you doing,” Victoria scolded, “Your leg isn’t even close to being healed.”

“You’re going to hurt yourself. Lie down, Y/n.” Steve ordered you. You knew he was probably right but the dominant part of your ego didn’t take orders from anyone, especially Steve. Defiantly and weakly, albeit, you pushed him to the side with the back of your hand and stood to your feet.

Or at least tried to. Steve had been right. The moment your injured leg was standing was the moment your knee buckled and you started to fall to the floor.

Your hands scrambled for the closest thing to hold onto to stop the impact. Your fingers wrapped around the IV stand but it wasn’t enough. Fortunately for you, Steve had better reflexes and caught you as you continued to fall. He swiftly grabbed your torso and secured you from falling further. With his calloused hands on your waist and your hands on his muscled biceps you stepped backwards and sat back down.

“Why didn’t you listen to me?” He asked as he pulled away slowly, uncertain if you still required his assistance.

You rolled your eyes at him. “Does this face look like it follows orders?” He cocked a challenging eyebrow at you. “The answer is no, Steven. I don’t follow orders. Besides you don’t want me here. We’re rivals. Remember?”

“Yes, I do remember. But I do also remember you getting stabbed in the fucking thigh in front of me. In my restaurant. While carrying out a plan of my volition. I am responsible for you getting injured. You need to heal and you are going to stay here to do that.” Steve had his hands on his hips.

“I have my own doctors, Steve. I can heal at my headquarters. I have power here too.” You leaned forward with as much dignity as you could muster.

He clutched his forehead in frustration. If nothing else you were glad that you were still able to piss him off while minorly incapacitated. “This isn’t about power, Y/n. This is about you being hurt. And I don’t think Victoria’ll let you leave here until you’re healed if I ensured your safety. Which I do.”

Your head snapped to Victoria who looked conflicted. She visibly squirmed at the equally scrutinizing looks you and Steve were giving her. “He has a point, Juno. Us moving you would do more harm than good.” You could practically feel Steve’s infuriating and victorious smirk. “Joan and I can handle it. We can send you documents and you can sign them on your tablet and send them back to us.”

“Victoria…” You started. This was NOT happening.

“It’s better that you get a break any way. God knows you need it.” She fiddled with her nails. Then she began to move for the door. “Getrestandfeelbetterbye!”

“Victoria!” And she ran out of the room shutting the door behind her. You were gaping like a fish.

She just… She just left you.

Alone.

At your rival’s headquarters.

While you were at a physical disadvantage.

You slowly turned your head back to the man standing in front of you. “Told you,” he chided.

“There’s no need to gloat, asshole,” you glared at him. “I hate you,” you mumbled.

“No, you don’t. Not anymore. You’re just angry.” He took a deep breath. “What kind of entertainment do you like? TV, movies, card games…” Steve suggested.

“You know what would be great?” You clapped your hands together in faux enthusiasm. “If you located the nearest cliff and took a long walk right off of it!”

He winced apathetically. “Sorry, doll, no can do.”

“Don’t patronize me.” You moved to lie down and tried to use your muscles to pull your hurt leg back over onto the mattress. But they either didn’t want to comply or they clawed at your nerve endings violently.

Steve’s hand found the underside of your partially bandaged knee and lifted it gently onto the bed. You weren’t sure whether to thank him or snap at him. “I still don’t like you, Rogers,” you jabbed as you crossed your arms over your chest and stared at the shut door to the room that seemed to mock you. “But I do like Netflix.”

“Really? You tell me you hate me and expect me to give you something after that?”

“Yes.”

“No. That’s not how this works. I’ll help you get healed but if you’re going to be rude then I don’t think I should help you pass the time.”

“Are you seriously wagering with a cripple right now?” You asked incredulously.

“Yes.” God, you wanted to rip his pretty eyes out of their sockets!

“Fine,” you growled. With gritted teeth you apologized. “Thank you for treating me and…” Your voice trailed off into a murmur, “I’m sorry for being difficult.”

“What was that?” He asked obnoxiously with a hand to his ear. This asshole.

“I’m sorry for being difficult.” You enunciated venomously. You pressed your lips together and crossed your arms as you stared at the wall rather than him.

“Now… was that so hard?” Steve’s voice was maddeningly smooth and his blue eyes glittered tantalizingly.

“No. It wasn’t actually.” You spat.

“Good. Then you’ll have no problem doing it again in the inevitable future.” Your anger began to bubble like lava.

“Can I have my Netflix now?” He raised a brow. “Please.”

“Why yes you can!” He over enthusiastically responded. Steve produced a remote from his suit pocket and pressed a button. An LED TV began to slowly lower from a slot in the dark ceiling.

“You’re lucky I don’t have my pistol, jerkwad. I would’ve shot the ballsiness right off of you.”

“I bet,” he agreed amiably as pressed more buttons on the remote nonchalantly.

You huffed a deep breath. “Dammit, Steve. You’re supposed to respond to me with witty repartee. You’re not being any fun.”

“Mmhmm.” The screen was open on the Netflix main screen and he tossed you the remote. Steve dragged a lounge chair to the side of your bed and reclined in it. Suit and all. “What are we watching?” He prompted.

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “What?”

“Did I stutter? I asked ‘what are we watching,’” He answered matter-of-factly.

“Why? Don’t you have your mob to run?” Your brows were furrowed.

“I’m the mob boss. I can do whatever the fuck I want. And I want to watch something.” Even though you couldn’t quite argue with his logic your jaw was dropped and you didn’t move. He huffed and snatched the remote out of your hand. “I’ll choose then.” He clicked on the arrows and settled on a crime tv show.

You were still staring at him. He was contentedly facing the screen. He turned to face you, his blue eyes looking into yours. A stray blonde curl fell out of his gelled do. It was endearing. “What are you looking at?”

You shook your head and faced the screen. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing…”

The two of you simultaneously inhaled and exhaled a deep breath.

Halfway between episode 3 and 4 and making jokes about the the criminals, you fell asleep. It was exhausting, what could you say… You had gotten stabbed not even 24 hours before.

Steve hadn’t noticed you had fallen asleep initially. He thought you were ignoring one of his comments. It wasn’t uncommon. When you hadn’t responded after a few repetitions, he opened his mouth to give a biting remark and expected you to respond in like fashion.

But when he looked over at you, head lolled against the pillows, hair askew, and mouth slightly ajar, something weird happened.

Steve smiled to himself.

Not because of how vulnerable you looked (maybe that was part of it) or even because there was a little bit of drool seeping onto the pillow but because one of the most vicious and vengeful and ruthless people he knew slept looking like an angel. There were bags under your eyes and there were spots of imperfections on your skin. He couldn’t tell if it was despite them or because of them but he thought you looked… dare he say… well, beautiful.

He looked away. It felt oddly intimate watching you sleep if only for a few seconds. A little bit of an invasion of privacy. Steve gently readjusted your awkwardly flayed arms and pulled the covers up to your shoulders, careful not to wake you. He stood silently from his chair and walked noiselessly to the door. As he closed it shut, Steve took one more peek at you.

You only scrunched your nose momentarily in your sleep. Deadly, he thought.

But in that moment, Steve knew that he was completely, irreversibly and undeniably fucked.

The following days and weeks were nice. Startlingly nice. Every morning Steve dropped off a coffee for you and checked on you, if only for a few minutes. And every night, after he was done with his work for the day, you fell asleep watching that horrid crime show on Netflix with Steve. Like clockwork.

For meals, he would help you limp down to the dining room when you were finally able to move out of bed rest. He would visit you on his breaks. It didn’t matter if you were engaging in conversation with him. Steve would still sit in the room while you were communicating with Joan and Victoria. It wasn’t invasive at all… It was nice just to have his presence in your room.

You weren’t sure when the two of you began helping the other problem solve but the two of you were certain that you should have brainstormed together earlier. Neither of you were willing to admit, however, that the fault was with your pride… What? Steve’s ego couldn’t even fit through the door sometimes.

But you guessed you could say, at the very least, that you were on friendly terms now…

“Joan,” you switched your phone from one ear to the other when Steve poked his head into the threshold and rapped on the wood with that signature smirk on his face. You smiled at him reflexively and waved him in. “No, I agree we’ve given him plenty of time to pay. You have my stamp of approval to send in the Valkyries….”

Steve meandered into the room and fell back into his recliner. Joan’s tinny voice sounded on the other end. “Will do…” The sound of a keyboard typing filled the silence for a few seconds. “Your order is in.”

“Great! Let me know how that goes. I want a mission report emailed over immediately after …Oh! Is Phoebe there?” You asked hopefully.

“One moment…” The sound of Joan calling Phoebe to the phone was faint but still exciting for you.

“Hi, Anthie Juno.” The voice of Cleo’s three-year-old came on the line. Your heart warmed instantaneously.

“Hi, darling! How was school today?” You asked enthusiastically.

“It was fun! I went on- I went on the swings!” Her little voice informed you excitedly.

“Oh my goodness! Did you go so high?”

“I did, Anthie Juno. I was like a bood!” She giggled as she finished her semi-mispronounced sentence and the sheer adorableness that you imagined was happening on the other side of the line made you hold your chest.

“I bet you were,” you were beaming through your words. “I miss you so so much, Bee.”

She giggled again, at her nickname this time. “I miss you too. When can, when can I see you?”

You glanced over at Steve. He was smiling in your direction and your heart jumped a little bit. There was no doubt he could hear Phoebe speaking. The little girl practically yelled in the speakers whenever she was on the phone.

“I don’t know, Bee…” You wanted to see her but you didn’t want to overstep your bounds with Steve. He had already been so helpful. You almost felt indebted to him.

Steve spoke up. “She can come tomorrow if she wants…” He sat up in his seat.

Your eyebrows shot up. You put your hand over the microphone. “Are you serious?”

He nodded nonchalantly. “Absolutely…”

Your spirits soared. “How does tomorrow sound?”

The squealing on the other side of the line was answer enough. “Ok! Ok…” You could practically hear the gears turning in her little brain. “I’ll- I’ll see you tomowow! I love you! Bye!” The moment before Phoebe hung up you heard the beginning of Joan calling to her.

You chuckled and shook your head as you put your phone down next to you. “I’ll have you know, Steve. She is very excited to come over tomorrow.”

The smile on his face matched yours and his eyes crinkled. “I certainly hope so. I’d miss you if I hadn’t seen you in that long.”

“Steven, no one could ever get tired of this face.” You framed your face with your hands comically.

He jokingly winced to himself as he stood from his spot. “I don’t know about that.” Steve offered his hand when he arrived at your bedside.

You dropped your jaw dramatically and swung your legs over the side of the bed and took his hands. Making sure that you were standing securely on your uninjured leg, you placed a light amount of pressure on your stabbed leg. You could only stand on the ball of your foot before it began to hurt.

He, almost instinctively, wrapped your arm over his suit-clad, muscled shoulders. You hobbled through the bedroom on your way to dinner with Steve supporting you at your side.

“You know…” You pressed your hand against the wall of the hallway to hold yourself up as you addressed Steve. “You’ve been so nice to me that I feel like you’re buttering me up for something.” You were only half joking.

“The King of Brooklyn? Butter you up?” You rolled your eyes at his self-proclamation. He looked at you from the corner of his eyes, slowing his pace to allow you to strengthen your muscle a little bit. “Now where would you get an idea like that?” Steve resupported you, this time with one hand on your waist and the other grasping your outstretched hand.

You just glanced at him from the corners of your eyes as you continued to limp to the dining room.

“I am not buttering you up, Y/n,” he corrected. “If I wanted something from you, I’d tell you. Honestly. Like how much your hair needs a brushing.”

Your jaw dropped as you scoffed at him. “Well, I don’t exactly have the materials to look presentable, Steven. I don’t need to spend much time like you do but I do need the proper instruments.”

It was part of your banter to roast each other.

“I can send someone to the store to pick up some stuff for you?” Steve suggested.

You smiled at him gratefully as you continued to limp along. “That’s alright… I can have Joan send some stuff over when she drops off Phoebe tomorrow.”

“You’re sure?” He asked.

You nodded assuredly. “I owe you big time, Rogers. Seriously, thank you.”

He only shook his head and smiled at the floor… bashfully? “You don’t need to thank me. I was being decent.”

“Steve, mobsters aren’t decent. I know a handful of bosses who, if I were their enemy, would have let me bleed out or took me out while I was down.” He looked up at you once again and you, in turn, looked straight ahead as you paced yourself down the hallway. “So, yes. I do owe you, Rogers. I owe you and then some. When you figure out how I can make it up to you, let me know and I’ll be there. Anytime.”

He smiled genuinely at you. “Anytime?”

“Anytime,” You confirmed without hesitation.

He chuckled to himself and your heart lifted a little bit. Just a little.

After a few moments of silence, Steve spoke up again. “I know how you can make it up to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he took a deep breath. “Dinner.”

“‘Dinner’?” You were confused. “Is that a code for something that I’m not aware of or-”

“It’s code for,” he lowered his voice, “I want to take you out to dinner after your leg is healed because I like you, Y/n.”

You halted in your tracks as your heart did a tap routine. He liked you? You had had your suspicions but there was no way you could have been absolutely certain until now.

“What if I said no?” You inquired. You weren’t serious. You definitely wanted to go on a date with him but you made it a point to see how a man would react to rejection before pursuing a relationship with him. Just because you really liked him didn’t mean he was exempt.

“I’d be disappointed but I’d respect your ‘no.’ You’re busy and you’d have your reasons, I’m sure.” He shrugged and aided you as you continued to limp to dinner.

“And if I said yes?” You prompted.

A goofy smile graced his features again. “Then I’d be excited and plan the best damn dinner you’ve ever had.”

“That’s quite the claim, Rogers.” You teased with raised eyebrows.

“You can see if it has any merit if you decide to go to dinner with me.” He smirked at you cheekily.

A sideways smile of your own moved your cheeks. “It seems like I’ll just have to.”

“It’s a date then.” He declared. You pretended not to see the kick in his step as the two of walked to the dining room. Steve supported you as you trekked to the dining room, his hands holding yours.

You supposed that’s how it was always meant to be: the two of you working hand in hand.

After all, you knew the value of a good relationship with others…

Especially one with your future husband.

[alemeino-blog]

You Are My Sunshine

Characters: Underfell Papyrus, Underfell Sans(slightly).

____________________________________________________________

Papyrus may not show it, but he was capable of love. Not LOVE, but that forbidden regular love. The one that people used against you. Which was why he was cold. Why he was so intimidating, strived to be. Why he acted so cold, towards him.

You are my sunshine

His brother was everything to him. Even if he acted coldest with him, treated him as if he was worth nothing, even if he hurt him. Hell how it hurt him more than anything, but he couldn't help it. His stupid high LV always got the best of him. But hey Sans was a pain in the ass, always cocky and getting into fights. Falling asleep at his station even! He rarely did but hell was he so damn lazy all the time! Going to that grease hole and hanging out with all those dangerous drunks. Especially that fucking bartender.

My only sunshine

Which was why he tried his best to reform and protect his brother. All it would take is one hit, regardless of how high his love was. Just one hit with the intent strong enough. One hit, for his brother, the only family he has, to be nothing more than dust. He wouldn't dare think of it, knowing it would cause his stone face to crack.

You make me happy, when skies are grey

Whenever he had a horrible day, his nuisance of a brother always made sure to make it worse. Always telling those painful puns, his grin seeming to grow at his frustration. But at least he was alive, at least he was still here, laughing and being an asshole and not some Execution Points added to some monster. And that thought was always enough to lighten his mood.

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

He never said anything though. He never told Sans how much he meant to him. How he always prayed to come home and hear his snarky ass comments. How it pained him when their arguments turned violent. Instead he stayed silent, hid behind his charade, just to protect his brother. He feared that if Sans were to know, his brother might say something at the wrong time or worse, monsters could find out the change in attiude and use Sans against him. The very thought kept him awake some nights, the skeleton fighting the urge to check on him. He always had a fear that they could be under surveillance, and the act of him checking on Sans would be seen as a sign of caring. So, he stayed awake until sleep took over him, prays the only comfort that brought it.

Please don't take, my sunshine away

How he despise them all. Hated whenever those vile creatures even thought of sending a glare to his brother. He knew what they thought, knew how they saw him as free EXP just standing around. But all he could do was suffer in his internal anger. Any signs of disturbance would be a dead give away. And they were only glares, but if it came down to contact, Papyrus wouldn't hold back. Not like he would let whoever hurt his brother live anyways.

I'll always love you

And make you happy

Sometimes when he wasn't worrying, when he was peaceful dreaming, he would dream. He would dream of a place without all this cruelty, of a world where they could be brothers, actual brothers. Not whatever they were. Oh how would Papyrus praise and thank Sans for all the hard work he did in raising him, in making sure he had been happy and had everything he would ask for. And how he would apologise for returning that with his cold treatment, for letting his LV get the best of him, and explain the reason why. While Sans was a pain in the ass 99% of the time, he was still his brother, his only family left. He may not show it, but that bastard was the most important thing in this fucked up world to him.

Cuz you are my sunshine

my only sunshine

Why couldn't he just show his brother love without fearing of the danger? Why did he have to push away his only family, he only damn person that had ever given shit about him. It was those rare times Papyrus hated his title, hated how because of that he had enemies. Enemies who wanted to murder him, take him of his imaginary throne, by any means possible. Yet simoutageously, that title was what brought fear to monsters who even muttered his name. It was due to that title, that he was able to strike terror, was able to have an advantage in protecting Sans. Even if he couldn't show he affection, his status was enough to keep prowling enemies discouraged. As long as Sans was safe, as long as he knew his brother wasn't n danger, Papyrus would feel and be okay.

You make me happy, when skies are grey

Papyrus woke up in a rather sour mood, the events of last night taking its toll on him. After getting prepared he went to his Sans' door, knowing his lazy ass brother was still in bed, yet to be prepared.

"SANS YOU LAZY BONES WAKE UP!," he yelled, banging on the wooden door which rattled from previous beatings. He heard a grumble, barely able to make out the words. Not in the mood for his brother's nonsense he slammed the door open, it screeking in relief as it fell off its hinges. Sure enough his brother was laying on his bed, face down against the mattress. As much joy as it brought him to just see the bastard alive, he couldn't let it slide. Not now, not ever.

"SANS WAKE UP YOU LAZY ASS YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!," yelled Papyrus.

Sans groaned, turning to the side. "Eh what's da point. Not like some human gonna fall down tah this hell. Oh an' thanks fer destroying mah door once more."

His non-existent brows furrowed. 'why today out of all days Sans...,' he bitterly thought.

"Well maybe if you woke up when I intruct you to these accidents wouldn't happen," scoffs Papyrus, crossing his arms.

"Oh accidents?," said Sans sarcastically. "Oh Ah didn't know yet an' Undyne took yer trainin' lessons here at 6 in the goddamn morning."

Papyrus growled, patience growing thinner with every smart ass comment Sans made. Why did Sans have to be so fucking stubborn. "Sans... Just get ready..." he growls.

"Ey jus' sayin' ya ain't the one who has tah fix it," said Sans. "An' it ain't your room too so do me a favor an' quit yer tantrums."

Papyrus felt the anger in him rise the more that idiot talked. Why couldn't Sans just shut that mouth of his for once?!

"Quite eh, ya know I'm right," said Sans. "Second in Command and ya still act like a fucking two-"

slap!

Sans felt a bit backwards from the contact, Papyrus lowering his gaze at him to catch his brother rub his hand over the spot.

"Maybe that will teach you to show some respect around here," he said coldly. He saw his brother scamper for his jacket, scared for a minute and the next brushing it off as if it were nothing. After grumbling something he left to his station while Papyrus went to do his rounds, forgetting the events that had played out.

You'll never know dear, just how much I love you

He had heard reports of the human. How they had been killing everything in their path, showing no mercy to anyone, including those that wished not to fight. While it was quite normal, an alarm flared inside Papyrus' mind. Without thinking he ran to where his brother's station was, praying he was still alive and just asleep on the stand. Heck he wouldn't have mind if he found him at that grease trap, just that he was alive. Just that he was-

He came to a halt as his eyes trailed down. Dust was a normal sight in the Underground, it wasn't given much if a care. But there was one thing that made Papyrus want to break down there and then.

Sans' jacket lay on the snow, dust covering it along with drips of marrow. Papyrus didn't say anything, just picked it up, angrily muttering as he made his way back home.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

At one point he put it on, might as well give some use to it.

.

.

.

.

.

.

As soon home he locked the door.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

His legs felt weak, trembling as he let himself fall. Let himself...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He hugged himself, hugging the jacket as he cried. Cried for failing to save him, cried for the fact that he was dead. Cried for the fact that their last moments were spent in violence and hatred! Why couldn't he have been better, why couldn't he have at least told him once how much he loved him, how much he cared. Instead he let the shell he made cover him more and more, shielding his brother from what he truly meant. And now.., he would never be able to say the words.

"S-,S-,Sans...," he whimpered.

Please don't take my sunshine away

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry for being such a terrible brother, I'm sorry for not being there for you, I'm sorry fo repaying everything you did with nothing but my cold treatment." He sobbed, pulling his knees closer as he hugged himself tighter, as if Sans as somehow there and he was barely holding on. He remembered that time his brother had come home, his right eye permanently damaged and bleeding but he still smiled, putting food on the table.

He remembered how he hugged him. How he embraced him. Now because of that human, he wouldn't be able to-do

That's when it snapped.

Instead of tears, his eyes shone with anger as his right eye flared with magic. He got up, still wearing the jacket as he slammed the door open. He would make them pay, make them pay for taking his brother, his light, his sunshine.

The wind swayed his scarf as the skeleton made his way to the Hall, flaring magic leaving a trail behind him.

Please don't take my sunshine away

____________________________________________________________

Don't got much to say. I just thought while listening to the song, "Yo Edge saying this would be damn fluffy"

So yeah that's how this was made. I hate people who hate Edge or say he only loves Red just for sex. He doesn't. Whether you see this as Fellcest or not Edge loves Red either way. So stop hating him, he's only trying to protect him.

[foiltale-au-blog]

Story: Error Wasn’t Foiled

Writing Prompt: When visiting an AU, Error meets character A. What is it about character A that makes them see the AU or the multiverse differently? Is this change in perspective positive or negative?

Prompt by @undertaleink

Error created by @loverofpiggies

Foiltale created by me

He had found another one, another filthy "Alternate Universe" that had to be destroyed. The creator didn't even look like they put any effort into this one; it was just a more washed-out version of the Original! Underfell had more effort put into its aesthetic, whereas this one was just… foggy and dreary. Was this scenery the creator's lame attempt at angst?

What was this place called again? Foiltale? Whatever, the name didn't matter when it was going to be gone soon.

Error made his way through the dense mist of this AU's Snowdin Forest, his red eyes squinting as he tried to find his way to the cleared path leading into town. He grumbled a bit, pulling his cloak closer around him as the cold wind brushed against his cheekbones. A few beats passed and it wasn't long before he found the main trail, his feet instinctively marching him down the familiar road. A majority of AUs had the same layout, most of them mirroring the original Undertale's Underground, so he doubted he'd get lost. In fact, he would have given this place points for originality if he had been caught off-guard by some new event, but alas. There was that same-old barrier with the same-old bars wide enough to walk through.

But he paused mid-step as something occurred to him: if he had just come across the barrier over the bridge, then that meant—

"this timeline sure is full of interesting characters. first a floating ghost 'kid' passes through, and now this?"

Error sighed, annoyed. Of course this AU had a Sans, and of course he'd be the first person Error met. Oh well, if he took care of this nuisance now, then he wouldn't have to deal with it later. Time to start the clean up!

Error quickly turned and shot out blue strings to where the voice had came from, looking back just in time to see the other figure teleport away in a blur. Anticipating a reactionary attack, the out-code jumped and landed in the snow a ways away. His eyes glowered as he scanned the area around him, getting more and more irritated at the hazy surroundings. How was anyone supposed to see anything around here?

"whoa, bud. howsabout we talk this out at grillby's instead? cuz i really don't feel like getting tangled up in any trouble right now," the voice called out, disturbingly calm even after having an attack launched at him.

"Nah, I'm a busy guy. I've got places to be, things to see, glitches to erase." Error emphasized his point by blindly shooting into the fog where he guessed the other Sans was hiding, growling when all his strings latched onto was a tree branch.

"pity. grillby rolls a mean bloody mary."

No longer amused by their bantering, Error summoned a Gaster Blaster and shot it toward the voice. "Stay still so I can erase you!" he yelled, his body and his voice both glitching out more and more as his anger mounted. What transpired next was what could be boiled down to a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse, with trees and puzzles getting caught in the crossfire. Twenty straight minutes passed before Error paused to take a well-needed break. He panted, his gaze darting this way and that for any signed of his mark. Suddenly, he stiffened as he felt a presence teleport right behind him.

"wow. you sure did a number on this pla—"

Gotcha! Error's blaster fired point-blank at the other Sans, finishing him off for good. "Did he think I'd let my guard down?" The out-code laughed. "How stupid do you have to be to teleport right behind your enemy?"

"i'm guessing almost as stupid as someone who celebrates before confirming they won."

Alarmed, Error jumped a good foot in the air before scrambling to get away from the apparently not dead Sans. "How are you not dead!?" Error had fired point-blank for a good minute or so! Even if this Sans had more than 1HP, the continuous damage should have killed him regardless (and he was taking damage; Error saw the damage counters ticking off during the blast)! "Just how much HP do you have!" the out-code grunted as he readied a few more blasters, charging them all and taking aim at the all-too-calm AU resident.

"just one, lol."

“...” There was a lull in the battle as Error tried to make sense of this new information. This gray-boned Sans didn't seem like they were lying, but that means the blasters clearly wouldn’t work. Were the strings the way to go after all? There was only one way to find out.

In a flash, Foiltale's Sans was strung up in a web of blue strings, dangling from a high branch and unable to break free. His weighted iron ball and a few links from his chains connected with the ground in a heavy thud, crushing the snow beneath it. "really, bud?"

"Quiet! I can't find your soul to kill you if you keep distracting me!" Error tightened the blue strings, the force threatening to crush Sans' body. From experience, he knew Sanses usually housed in their soul in their ribcage, and even though this Sans had their orange hoodie unzipped with ribcage exposed, Error just could not find it.

"hey, weird me: try looking inside the weight."

"Oh, I see. Thank y—" Error caught himself and frowned. "What part of 'kill you' do you not seem to understand?" This Sans acted dismissive, like this had nothing to do with him, or like he was above death— no, that wasn't quite right. It was more like the Sans of Foiltale just didn't care whether or not he died, as if he had long given up hope and had simply accepted defeat. "Before I finish you off, I gotta ask: what's your deal? How are you still alive after being blasted?" Error peered up inquisitively at the Sans as he wrapped his blue strings around the large weight that was indeed housing the monster's soul.

Sans was just hanging around with nothing else better to do, so he figured why not answer the freaky newcomer? "i'm not really a monster in the normal sense. i'm more of a personification of hopelessne—"

"Nevermind, you took too long and I don't care anymore. Bye!" The strings around the solid metal ball tightened, easily crushing the soul's protective outer shell. Finally the threads wrapped around the white soul itself and…

[File Not Found]

[attract-mode-collective]

Scorpion Vs. Elon Musk’s Mom: FIGHT

Yes, that is indeed Elon Musk’s mother up there. And no, I do not have a bigger sized version of the pic. Guess we could always ask captain-price-official if one does exist.

Or perhaps make your own? Here’s Elon’s mum by herself (and in higher res)...

And with that, it’s time to see what else I tweeted during the first half of March! So, sticking with fighting games: which Street Fighter character does lighting better? Ryu, via the animated movie (via settei)...

… Or Bison, via the live action flick (via toghomevideo)...

I absolutely love win quotes from rom hacks (via bison2winquote)...

I have a massive backlog of games, yet Tekken 7 just shot straight to the top of the list, thanks to the knowledge that you can accurately recreate Dynamite Headdy characters (via mysterious0bob)...

This Hatsune Miku X Space Channel 5 figure is v. nice (via nendoroidoftheday)...

A friendly reminder to everyone that A. I'm a massive fan of Seaman & B. my birthday is about a month away (via nutastic)...

This scene at the beach with a Figma of Link, from A Link Between Worlds, feels more like Link's Awakening than anything else (via vyntic)...

Toys and models are no longer just for reenacting memorable in-game moments, they can also reproduce famous IRL events that surrounded the games themselves (via 8bitcentral)...

So what's the going rate for ET for the Atari 2600 that was supposedly dug up in for that so-called documentary, Atari: Game Over? Which I recently re-watched and still can't believe people think is real. At any rate, am assuming the autograph from Howard Scott Warshaw gives it some actual value (via it8bit)...

And what's the going rate for Chinese Famiclone karaoke carts, primarily one with Jackie Chan on the label. Am also wondering if it's cuz his songs are included... you are aware of his successful career in music as well, right? (via ulan-bator)...

Been struggling to come up with a zinger for the past 10 minutes, but ain't nuthin gonna beat "Welcome to the Velvet Room y'all!" (via jatayu)...

To be filed under: it's funny cuz it's true (via doctorbutler)...

So the weather has been awful around these parts, lots of rain & snow, which gets in the way of imagining a giant tetromino in the sky (via uvula.jp)...

When playing Super Mario Galaxy 2, please keep in mind that somewhere out there, despite being out of view, is the ghost of Luigi floating through vast stretches of empty space, with zero destination or purpose (via suppermariobroth)...

Speaking of Luigi, and Supper Mario Broth; they’ve taken the adventures he talks about in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door and illustrated them in the form of a comic that closely adheres to the style of the game...

Also a friendly reminder of that rift between Mario & Luigi for a few years (they'd eventually make up & resume doing games together, as everyone knows) after Mario discovered his brother being all friendly with the enemy in Super Mario World (via peazy86)...

Yet another obscure Mario factoid: the move he uses to defeat Bowser in Super Mario 64 originates from an old furikake commercial that predates the game by about a decade (via suppermariobroth)...

Yet another random gif of Mario from the 80s, this one from a video guide from Super Mario Bros; I miss the days in which his look was not yet standardized (via suppermariobroth)...

And here we have a completely unlicensed Dr. Mario, unless Nintendo gave him the OK to brush up on his doctoring skills by assuming an alias at a family clinic in Houston TX (via suppermariobroth)...

It's funny how, when it comes to obscure Mario games, everyone brings up Mario Is Missing or Hotel Mario, but what about Super Mario Bros. & Friends: When I Grow Up? (via kazucrash)...

Mario gets his own breakfast cereal.

Luigi? Booze. (via @carolynmichelle)

A question that I posed on MAR10Day (via retrogamerblog)...

It's not Super Mario Bros, but simply…. Bros (via therubberfruit)...

I've never wanted something "bootleg" to be official as much as as this Dark Souls fan art. And if the actual game somehow looked like this, that would be... gladly welcomed (via gamefreaksnz)

Oh God, Nier is amazing and all, but I would SO be down for a yelling & screaming match with Yoko Taro on this point (via @Avisch_)...

Behold my fave Twitter thread in recent memory: "You see, that was taken from Africa, but it belonged to the Keyblade Masters. Imma take it off your hands for ya."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Gaia. A sword far heavier than any sword has rights to be, yet a true 1st Class will wield it with ease. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Hyrule. Originally crafted by the goddess Hylia herself. Only a true hero that is pure of heart and strong of body is capable of wielding the sacred blade. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

Naturally the star of Home Alone 1 & Home Alone 2 has both a NES Classic and Famicom Mini, like all Hollywood bigwigs (via @SimonParkin)...

While discussing Ready Player One with a colleague, was reminded of the dude who was so inspired by the book that he turned his apartment into an arcade (and then his fiancé broke up with him; via nydailynews.com)...

Recently there was some kind of event at Sega HQ, I think? Details are basically nonexistent due to the language barrier, but far as I can gather, 16 super fans were invited to come by & party (via @SEGA_OFFICIAL)...

... If you check out #セガ公式アカウントオフ会 you'll see numerous pics from the get-together, though the one thing that stands out is the assortment of Sega hardware (via @KK__Cy)...

... MIA, cuz no variants were on display, is my fave alt ver. of the Mega Drive: the Wondermega. But @yu100s took one of his own… with the ugly ass US Sonic 1 NOT FOR RESALE cart inserted, Jesus fucking Christ...

The Sega logo in katakana looks pretty hawt (via @Exciteless)...

... Yet the Sega logo in Arabic which is official, is even hawter (via boingboing.net)...

Please enjoy your daily recommended dosage of an erotic hospital-management sim (via @topherflorence)...

NCSX makes the fidget spinner comparison, though the fidget cube seems a bit more appropriate; behold the fidget game controller...

Toy Fair recently took place, and naturally I took tons of pictures. You can find all of them on my personal Instagram, though a few are worth re-posting here. Like the latest in NECA's line of classic movie characters, as they appeared in video game adaptations...

Though in the case of their take on the Alien vs. Predator arcade game, they even included Capcom's original characters...

Unpainted, pre-production figures from Reflection's upcoming Ghost 'N Goblins line, sporting the oh-so popular Kenner-eqsue retro look...

Pint-sized arcade cabs, available this fall for $400. They’ll come unassembled, though dead simple to put together; the construction of the assembled mini cab was surprisingly sturdy, plus the screen wasn't bad (contrary to the picture that my iPhone's camera paints). Though the controls were shit; no word on whether the parts can be swapped or not...

Was delighted to not not only see Cuphead merch at Toy Fair, but more than just one instance (though this was the only time I was allowed to take a picture)...

Came across a producer of infant goods that had a selection of Super Mario baby bibs...

I asked the rep if this was their first foray into video games and the answer was "Yes." And when asked who's been mostly buying them, was told "Video game collectors, who don't even have children… it's so bizarre!!!"

Sticking with bibs, here's a set that tied to Dragon Quest (via miki800.com)...

... I asked on Twitter what they said and @alexfkraus was kind enough to provide translations, here and here.

Was so inspired by @MinusWorld listing which characters he'd like to see in the next Super Smash Bros that I decided to cite a few of my own:

- Mona from WarioWare - Nester from Nintendo Power’s Howard & Nester comics - Link from that Japanese A Link To The Past commercial - A deck of Hanafuda cards

... BTW, had no idea Ollie also mentioned a Hanafuda; I only saw his initial four, initially! Anyhow, my second round of choices:

- Ashley from Another Code - The "who are you running from?" guy in the Game Boy Camera - Lucas from The Wizard - The 4WD from Stunt Race FX (since Fighters Megamix with the Daytona USA 2 car clearly ain't ever happening)

I alas forgot to include BoxBoy, much like how I got these Uniqlo shirts when they were on sale last year (via minusworld.co.uk)...

Here we have my fave reaction on Tumblr to the Nintendo Direct with the Smash 5 reveal, if only for the punchline (via mendelpalace)...

And here we have my fave reaction on Twitter (via @redford)...

This one is also great because wrestling (via @SteveYurko)...

Speaking of wrestling, remember that time Tazz, while commentating for Smackdown, was also playing a game of Final Fantasy X-2… or so he thought? (via defjamvendetta)

"hey quick question whoever's developing the wwe games now: what the fuck"

"It helps him eat small fish"

"better question: why isn't this an option in every game ever"

"FAIR POINT" (via snoozlebee)

Whereas most publishers in Japan, during the 80s & 90s, had festivals (or carnivals) centered around shmups, Asmik's was based on women's wrestling (via oldgamemags)...

It's not for a video game, though the illustration is by someone who has been involved in a few; it's by Satoshi Yoshioka, of Snatcher and Policenauts fame (via videogamesdensetsu)...

It's not for a video game that actually exists, but is instead a completely fictional instructional manual, one that makes you wish it was real (via tomeccles)...

Just when you think you've seen every ultra, wacky & obscure video game box art there is to see out there (via @CoolBoxArt)...

I have a serious soft sport for the usage of video game imagery among early 80s musicians (via siryl)...

... What the final product looks like BTW/FYI...

A. so there's a VR version of Fruit Ninja, did not know that, & B. if you like watching people play it (for whatever reason), yet wish you could actually see a person swinging a sword and not just some abstract swiping motions… here ya go (via prostheticknowledge)...

Playing games in VR is so 2017… Handling your collection of games in VR? Now THAT is very 2018 (via mendelpalace)...

Lots of friends are playing the new DBZ fighting game, though I'll give it a shot once it hits the arcades and is also in a cab like this (via @Fotosdecomics)...

I absolutely need to get my hands on this S.H. Figuarts Shinya Arino (via tinycartridge)...

Available right now, some Altered Beast, Bare Knuckles, and Rent-a-Hero resin kits (via miki800.com)...

Cursed? More like blessed amirite (via @Pretzel_Pup)...

I know Yoji Shinkawa is best buds with Hideo Kojima, but would he be open to doing another gig at Konami? Cuz him art directing a reboot of Twin Bee would kinda be the best (via @SESKOU)...

There's money on the table with this Metroid X Pepsi mash-up, am confident of this (via ryangilleece)...

Cuz even someone like Samus Aran needs a good stretch every once in a while (via jon-bliss)...

And this third piece of Metroid fan art in a row is very much related to Metroid 3, aka Super Metroid (even though it technically depicts the ending to Metroid 2; via mmillus)...

Awakening indeed (via brookietf)...

For those who have asked, yes, I have seen the hack that connects the Switch to an itty-bitty black & white TV...

Though I'm only really interested in tiny b&w CRT TVs if I can play Duck Hunt on them (via arcade-crusade)...

I not only dig teeny-tiny displays for light gun games, but also for driving games as well (perhaps some of you might remember the following from this)...

Back to tube displays; seeing Zelda on a CRT also reminded me of how Dark Souls look on a CRT, aka CRT Souls or 480i Souls (which again I'm hoping regular readers of the blog remember, especially since the original post has fallen victim to a Tumblr bug)...

"while playing king's field just now i died in the magic cave of fire and when i warped back there were beautiful graphical glitches everywhere" (via mendelpalace)...

Some landscapes, filled with beauty and mystery and terror, are accidental (see: the graphical glitches from before)… whereas others are completely deliberate, as in the case of Atlantia (via obscurevideogames)...

Once again, I REALLY need to figure out a way to play some PC88 games (via obscurevideogames)...

Here we have a semi-common Space Invaders sighting for the time, in an episode of Battle Fever J, one of the earliest Super Sentai shows (via himitsusentaiblog)...

And here we have a rare Game Gear sighting, in old OVA anime, Starship Girl Yamamoto Yohko. Hell, it’s a rare Game Gear in anything sighting; the only other example that comes to mind is Rumble In The Bronx (via @TheOtaking)...

And an equally rare Sonic on the runway sighting (via kotaku.com)...

I normally watch a video in its entirety before making a recommendation. Yet when it came to this overview of Last Bronx's legacy in Japan (and lack thereof in the West), hearing the main theme to Beat Takeshi's Violent Cop near the 3 min mark was all I needed (have since watched the whole thing, and as expected, it's another awesome Kim Justice production)...

And finally, a friend notes: "subzero's right arm is real close to trump's spinal column

just sayin" (via @jbillinson)...