#bruce and dick can't help getting competitive

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Post patrol family game night goes awry ...

Meme reference under cut

[gaywineauntsstuff]

Dick Grayson Olympics

Dick has absolutely been in the olympics multiple times by the point he's Nightwing.

Dick just also happens to have like 9 different countries in which he is a citizen. So he competes for a new country every 4 years and every time the olympics is near his phone gets absolute bombarded by a bunch of official teams and recruiters begging him to join.

He is also the world's youngest Olympian and gold medalist in general. (the youngest Olympian on record is 12 but Dick Grayson was beating up grown men by 8 so i'm starting there, he's an overachiever, no I will not accept criticism)

here me out

first one at age 8 right before his parents die, he competed for France

second one at age 12 and he competes for Italy

third one at 16 and he competes for Switzerland

fourth one at 20 and he's with Romania

you get where i'm going with this

There are 6 events and he wins gold in every one of them except one time he showed up hungover, concussed with a stomach flu (he got a silver on the uneven bars bc his vision was so blurry so he did it blindfolded so he wouldn't throw up.)

No one except Tim and Alfred know (Tim bc he's a stalker and Alfred bc Dick needed his help getting to the airport as a child) but he takes a sabbatical from work and does missions covertly in the countries he's competing in (not as Nightwing bc that would be too obvious)

He also refuses to compete for the USA bc he's still bitter about being thrown in Juvie and they can't make him

He leaves every medal by his parent's grave as a promise that he has not abandoned their dreams for him.

When anyone ever figures out he was in the Olympics he just smiles and said he competed for France once when he was a kid (bc its technically true he's only competed for France exactly one time) and he's like really bashful about it and says stuff like "oh even though my routine wasn't perfect as a kid it was still an amazing experience to have with my Mom and Dad." (he is absolutely faking the bashfulness he just doesn't want people to google him and see he's won 15 gold medals before he turned 25 bc then there are questions and he's a relatively private person).

Bruce doesn't know that Dick was in the Olympics because an 8 yr old boy who grew up in a circus would have no idea of scale. (this is based on a random fic I read where a 12yr Dick Grayson did not call Bruce when there was an active gunmen at school -he found out from another parent a week later- but called him absolutely balling, making him rush home from work bc someone stuck gum in his hair.

So 12yro Dick just tells Bruce he wants to go to an acrobatics competition and Bruce is like sure, okay how long will you gone? and Dicks like a few weeks. And because Bruce has no scale of normal parenting things, he does not see this as an issue.

By the time Dicks 24 he just doesn't tell Bruce because he thinks it's hilarious he hasn't figured it out yet. Alfred doesn't tell him bc he's hardcore judging the 'world's greatest detective' very British-ly.

The only Titans that know are Wally and Donna and they are sworn to secrecy.

And yes he is mad bc he likes the women's gymnastics stuff more bc he grew up in a circus and he thinks it looks more fun.

[redsray]

Batkids playing any kind of board game but make it extra competitive because whoever wins gets to choose what Bruce wears for the next gala.

Bruce, in a sparkly top and skinny jeans:

Reporter: Ah, who chose your outfit tonight, Brucie?

Bruce: That'd be my eldest, dear!

Dick, behind him, full into the gala persona: Flattering, isn't it? He should wear it more often, don't you think, sweetheart?

Reporter, flushed: Oh, absolutely.

Bruce (to Dick): Get a new fashion style. Please.

Dick: Never.

Reporter: Who would be responsible for your wardrobe tonight, Brucie? It's certainly a statement.

Bruce, head to toe in a pink suit and Hello Kitty accessories: Gorgeous, isn't it? All the credit will have to be given to Jason, though, I'm afraid.

Reporter: Your second son, if I'm not mistaken?

Bruce: The very one.

Jason from across the gala hall, trying to not cough up his drink with laughter:

Tim, next to him: He's pulling it off, though. Little spins and everything.

Jason: Still ridiculous. That's Batman right there, Timbo.

Tim, snickering: The Dark Knight, huh?

Bruce, dressed in a collared white shirt, sweater and skirt, looking like he just came out of a light academia novel:

Reporter: Wow, Brucie. Who do we thank for that wonderful outfit choice?

Bruce: Ah, flattering, is it not? Tim's choices when it comes to fashion are wonderful, if not a bit simple.

Tim, nodding from behind him: Only the finest satin skirts. Charming, right?

Tim, to Bruce: Don't call my style simple, Mr. all I wear is black.

[Jason handing Dick $10 in the background because Bruce does, in fact, pull off a skirt.]

Reporter: Oh lord, what a gown! Who influenced your fashion choice tonight, Brucie?

Bruce, in a long green and black gown with gold accessories, nothing short of royal-looking: I fear only one person I know could choose an outfit as gorgeous as this one.

Damian, proudly next to him, in a smaller, matching gown: Only the most exquisite. You lot in this flimsy country cannot compare.

Bruce: Yes, Damian has a fine taste in fashion. He gets it from his mother.

Damian, quieter: Well certainly not from you.

Bruce, dressed in an elegant white dress shirt, long black pants and a corset with red accessories, a fan in his right hand:

Reporter: What an entrance! Anyone to give credit to for the wardrobe, Brucie?

Bruce: That'd be my daughter, she certainly shines with her choice of clothing.

Cass, grinning with a matching fan: Very pretty.

Bruce: Thank you, Cass.

Reporter: Woah, that's certainly new. Any reason for this choice of clothes, Brucie, dear?

Bruce, in a snapback cap, loose jeans and a band t-shirt, complete with rings and a chain around his neck: Well, all of my children are creative, but... Duke might just take the cake for this one, love.

Duke, losing his absolute shit next to Jason, Dick and Tim: You look great, B.

Steph doesn't usually go to galas, but she participates in the game nevertheless. If she wins, god help Bruce, because it's a gamble with her. He either ends up wearing a gorgeous outfit with eccentric and trend-setting accessories or literal checkered pyjamas. Worst yet, he has to say he picked it himself, since he can't directly blame Steph.

[miniaturesuitgladiator]

I'm the real winner.

Notes: this is requested from here.

Warnings: None this is just pure fluff. Please do not judge I have no clue about anything ice-skating related.

_______________________

It's December the perfectly time for ice-skating. So it's no surprise that there's obviously more ice-skating competitions in December.

And since it was Cass's turn to pick a family bonding time activity. She chose to go watch a ice-skating competition.

And considering it was December there was so many to chose from. So she just chose one from a random paper. It was nothing big or fancy just kind of random.

But she liked the place. And it reminded her of ballet since both were quite beautiful and memorizing to watch.

Finally after patrol she decided to tell the family where she had chosen to go. Everyone eventually gave in other then jason complaining like usual.

Except for damian. Now damian hadn't told his family about you and him being together. And he especially hasn't told them. That he was going to go to your ice-skating competition.

So here he stands in tha batcave trying to explain why he can't go to the competition Cass wants to go to because he has plans with a 'friend'.

"Don't be ridiculous demon spawn. You don't have friends." Jason responds rolling his eyes. And damian scoffs but jason is right he's never really had any friends other then you. And then you turned into his best friend and then into his girlfriend.

"I have friends todd." Is Damian's response. The tension in the room is are getting worse just like usual. Because jason and Damian can never have a normal conversation with fighting.

So Dick begins speaking. Trying to ease the tension. "Well damian I think you should put your plans on hold with your friend. It's Cass's day to pick." He says and that just seems to irritate damian more.

Damian not trying to show it but he knows that he really can't miss your competition. He's already canceled on you so many times because of patrol and his family.

He knows he's on thin ice and plus tonight's your big night. It's a hug competition one that you've worked so hard to get into. And you made him promise that he would be there nomatter what. And he can't let you down now.

So he says some he's been trying to avoid saying.

"Well I have a solution. My friend is going to compete in the December ice-skating competition. Why don't we just go there instead?" Damian says and he's trying not to show it but he really hopes they agree. Because he doesn't know what he'll do if they don't.

"Your friend is an ice skater?" Bruce questions as if he doesn't believe damian. "They are , father." Damian replies.

"Would that be okay with you cass?" Tim asks and damians silently awaits for her answer. And she nods.

"Then it's settled well go to the December ice-skating competition." Bruce says and damian finally feels like he can breathe agian.

The day finally comes and damian doesn't tell you that he's bringing his whole family because he knows that it'll only make you more nervous. And he doesn't want to ruin your big night.

As they arrive your already in your dressing room getting ready. And damian is trying to act nonchalant when in reality he's trying to think of how he's going to tell his family that he has a girlfriend.

Damian sends you a quick text to let you know that he's here as they sit in their front roll seats that bruce bought.

Everyone sits in excitement waiting for the ice skaters to start. When Tim notices something.

"Wait is this a all girls competition? "Tim asks. Seemingly hinting at something.

"Yeah why?" Dick responds having read the whole pamphlet.

"So your friend is a girl?" Tim asks damian with a huge smirk. And all eyes turn to damian waiting for his answer.

"Yes why?" Damian says knowing that his family is slowly already putting the pieces together.

"Just asking." Tim says grinning and dick and cass simply smile. While Bruce can't help but smirk himself. And of course jason can't help but speak up. "There's no way!" Jason says smiling.

"Shut it todd." Damian says rolling his eyes.

Everyone watches Intently as the ice skater begin performing. And as each skater starts their routine jason can't help to ask. "Is that your friend? "

"No." Damian says quickly.

"What about this one? " Jason asks as another one ice skater begins skating. And all the batfamily listens closely knowing that even they want to know who's damians 'friend'.

"No." Damian says a bit more irritated then before.

"How about this one?" Jason asks again when another ice skater begins performing.

"Todd if you do-" but Bruce's quick to stop the fight before it begins. "Damian just tell us when she comes on." And Damian just nods. Even though he really doesn't want to.

Eventually you do come on and damian doesn't say anything he's just so entranced on you skating. But he doesn't have to say anything for his family to know that it's you.

They can see it. They see how he looks at you. With such love even though it's quite hard to see.

And now everyone's eyes are really paying attention to you. There trying to figure out what's so special...

They completion comes to an end. And it's finally time to see who won.....

You got second place....it's not first but it's a start and you seem so happy. And Damian is not so lowkey pissed at the judges because he saw nothing wrong with your performance.

But still he claps for you with a smile. And his family looks at him like they've seen a ghost. Because they've never seen Damian look so...happy?

Yeah your definitely not just some 'friend'

The competitive comes to an end and everyone's already packing up and leaving. But damian waits for you giving his family an old excuse. "I just want to congratulate them." But damian has a bouquet of flower in his hands waiting for you. That no one even knows where he got them from.

"So do we!" Tim says with a devious smile as if he knows something. And Damian knows his and your secret it probably already well known. But still he keeps up his nonchalant facade as he and his family wait for you.

Finally seeing you walk out. With your bag slung over your shoulder and your skates in your hand. You smile as you spot him.

And Damian eyes soften as he sees your big smile as you walk towards him. And everyone eyes widen including Damian as kiss perhaps him on the lips. It's a sweet short kiss.

But its a kiss and right then Damian knew that he might as well drop his fake facade because now everyone knows...

"You did amazing beloved. You should've one first place. The judges were idiots." He says as his smile almost matches your.

"Well I'm happy I got silver! You mist be my good luck!" And his smile is definitely matching yours now.

And he's no longer the nonchalantly boy he was with his family moments ago. No, now he looks like a love sick fool as you proudly show him the sliver medal that hangs around your neck.

It's a sweet moment and you both forget that it isn't just you two together. But Tim's voice is quick to pull you out of your trance.

"Told ya!" Tim says with the biggest smirk as jason pulls out a ten dollar bill from his wallet.

"Did you guys really bet on them?!" Dick says as he gives them a disapproving look.

"Can ya blame me. I thought it was easy money... I mean how the hell did demon spawn get a girlfriend!"

"Todd I swear to-"

And even though the two brothers are in the middle of a fight bruce stands there with a proud dad look on his face.

And you? Your trying to hold back your now public boyfriend from fist fighting his brother in the middle of an ice rink..... and even though you didn't exactly win.

You wouldn't have chosen the night to go any differently.......

___________________________________________

@missyblackve I really hoped you liked it! And I'm sorry if I said something that relates nothing to ice-skating. I personally think figure skating is a beautiful sport but I know nothing about it... oh, and happy early birthday!

[orionremastered]

Could you write something about the Bat-Family where they date an Athlete?

Masterlist

Batboys Dating an Olympic Athlete

Dick Grayson [Acrobatic Gymnast]

Helps you train and stretch

You two are literally the same and start doing acrobatics without warning

The entire batfam was baffled on how Dick managed to find someone as... acrobatic, basically, as him

Tim deadass started calculating the odds one time and Jason, Bruce and Damian SUPPORTED IT

Sometimes the two of you do flexibility competitions when you're bored

Always goes to your events to cheer you on

Jason Todd [Shooting]

Jason 100% owns a private shooting range somewhere and goes with you there often

You buy each other guns for your birthdays

There's a constant fight between the two of you for the title of best marksman and you use Alfred as a judge

Alfred wins every time???????

He's your coach and goes to every competition, hyping you up every time

Tim Drake [Tennis]

Loves playing with you even though he's never really played

Buys you tennis bracelets and don't even try to argue (they were named tennis bracelets because a pro female tennis player was wearing one, served so hard that it flew off her wrist. Tells you that every time you complain about him spending too much money on you)

Flies you out to all your competitions and gets you the best hotel rooms

He will and always has put your comps before vigilantism, just like the rest of his brothers

Buys you a private tennis court if the manor doesn't have one already

Damian Wayne [Any Martial Arts Sport]

Trains (with) you no matter what martial arts you do thanks to his League training

Like Jason, he's probably your informal coach

He will never tell you how truly proud of you he is. Don't ask why he can't stop smiling at you when it's only the two of you

Quietly relieved you want to stay out of vigilantism and focus on competitions

Pulls strings to have the two of you stay in some of the fanciest places in the area of your competitions. Whether it's with his mother's or father's last name you'll never know for sure

Will teach you new martial art styles if you ask

[phoneduk]

I love Reverse Robins Au but I feel like a lot of people interpret it as reverse roles Au rather than how I interpret it Reverse Age au.

Here's how I see it:

Damian:

Is dropped off with Bruce at age 8 - violent assassin child who meets tired goth Bruce who's not quite used to being batman yet and is nowhere near equipped enough to raise a child but he's damned if he's not gonna try his hardest.

It's a bit of a mission at first trying to curb the violent tendencies and raise a whole antisocial person (and wow, he admires Alfred so much more now). He almost quits Batman for a bit until he figures out that making Damian his sidekick might be a good outlet for him.

Duke

Bruce is out on patrol with Damian when he finds a little boy who's parents are out of commission and is too stubborn to believe that the Bat would actually help him.

Damian hates that he's not an only child anymore but eventually warms up to the idea when he realises they can team up against Bruce and that they are not in competition.

When Bruce finds out that Duke is a meta he wants to flinch back and send him away, but he doesn't, partially because he loves Duke so much the idea of losing him so quickly repulsed him and partially because Damian pulled a sword on him at the idea.

Tim:

Roughly 9 years after Damian is taken in Bruce, Damian and Duke are approached by a small boy saying he knows who they are and wants to join them. Bruce refuses but Damian spots the opportunity to have someone else be Batman's sidekick whilst he can become a hero in his own right.

Damian starts following Tim around and looking out for him and then he realises that Tim is being neglected and come on he can't just leave Tim there so he brings him home and Bruce can't really argue against that.

Two months later Batman has a new sidekick and Gotham has a new lone hero.

Cass

They only notice her because she wants them to and absolutely no one questions it when she's bought home. All three boys had wanted a sister at some point and none of them cared about her past or her speech.

Jason:

Tim's a teenager now has almost finished highschool when Bruce goes out one night with the batmobile and comes back to where he parked it find a kid stealing the tires. Bruce can sense that Tim is going to inevitably leave him as well so what better time to take in a new kid when he also will need a sidekick soon.

The decision hurts Tim more than anything else because he's being replaced and he's not ready to be on his own even though he's never been more ready.

Jason grows quicker than either of his other two boys and he's more determined than either of them to right the wrongs of Gotham. That determination was what led him to Ethiopia where his the joker killed him.

Dick

Bruce was at the circus at Alfred's suggestion, something to distract him from the empty seat at the table where his youngest should be. It's at the circus where he sees the trapeze line fail and he can't stop himself from reaching out to the falling artists. It hurts him to take in another child so soon after losing Jason but the thought of that tiny boy who saw his parents die going into Juvie almost kills him.

Dick brings joy into the manor that hadn't been known since Bruce was a boy and everyone in the family falls in love with him.

When the Red hood emerges, angry at his older siblings for not protecting him and wanting to kill Dick they're all a worrying amount of relieved and angry. Surprisingly it's Dick that manages to get him to come back to the family.

[leoruby-draws]

Back to back to back comics, last time I swear lol!

The Batfam and their relationship to money (or more specifically Bruce's money). Or at least a more goofy, parody interpretation of it. Bruce is more lenient (wimpy almost I feel) here, in this au, bit more likely to spoil the kids for comedic effect. His money seems endless and he's never been afraid to spend money to help whoever needs it. Well the kids need it!! For roblox and cool bikes!!

For Dick tho, he tries not to relies on Bruce for money and strives to be independent. I based his attitude on his outsiders appearance, where he got pissed that Bruce was funding his team without his knowledge. I do understand Dick's position on this, since Bruce can be a control freak despite how generous he can be.

Barbara has always been more independent from Bruce, and I think in the new52 she even has her own company to fund herself? (Correct me if I'm wrong, didn't read her new52 book). She has no interest in money from Bruce at all. She's smart and resourceful enough to become a millionaire herself honestly.

Cass being 'raised' outside society, doesn't seem to care whether or not she has money. She'll grab a club sandwich outta a dumpster then eat all of Bruce's most expensive caviar's and truffles. At the same time, no concern whatsoever. Bruce likes to spoil her regardless.

Jason being from a very poor background is absolutely ecstatic to have a billionaire for a dad and will spend to his hearts content. Bruce is happy to make Jason happy, but wishes Jason would stop buying expensive bikes (and crashing them). Interestingly I noticed in the comics, Jason himself likes to hand out money to friends in need as well. Like father like son.

Steph has a better relationship to Bruce than in canon, so here she likes to scam some cash from Bruce whenever she can, cuz why not? Bruce doesn't mind helping her and her mom out, its harmless really. Tim is rich himself, and a bit oblivious to Steph's lower class problems. Perhaps she'll try scamming Tim next lol.

Damian has a rich parents on both sides of the family, both Bruce and Talia have a bit of a competition on spoiling him. Can't blame them, he's just too much of a cutie-pie. Tho they're working on trying not to over do it. Talia likes to spoil Jason as well, they have a pretty friendly relationship in this au.

Didn't have enough room for Duke, so he gets a half-page to himself. The fully functional mini-batmobile is from this drawing from way back. Looks like Duke is learning to get as much outta Bruce as he can, seems Bruce is more generous the younger his sidekicks are. Case in point here:

Jason and Cass should be older here, as Robin and Batgirl, since Dick is Nightwing here (as per my personal timeline). But this gag works better when they're little and cute. Bruce just can't resist their cuteness here.

That was a lot, hope you like this!

[lazycats-stuff]

Artist toddler batbro! Can't help but draw/ paint at least once a day and at the end of the day batfam is anticipating who will be the lucky family member that'll receive which ever art piece their youngest has created that day (sometimes the art piece is on the walls or floor of the mansion but no one has the heart to be angry when little batbro is just proudly presenting his art)

Toddler batbro *leaves a paint covered tiny handprint on the wall*

Bruce: alfred, frame that

Oh my, that's cute. Oh my God... Aww. Also, I know it's short, but this is all my inspiration is willing to give at this moment. Next time, I'll try to write more.

Summary: (Y/N) is an artist.

Warnings: None, really fluffy

Every child has a talent. Whether that be in sports or arts, every child has a hidden talent for something. Even if some kids are average, there is nothing wrong with it. Bruce, amongst his four older sons, had a toddler. Yes, a toddler.

How did it happen?

A one night stand. The mom couldn't take care of (Y/N) and Bruce took him in and the other 4 accepted (Y/N) as if he was their blood brother and Bruce was grateful that they did it. Of course, they had to change their schedules to accommodate to make sure that (Y/N) was a priority. Of course, no one minded to do that.

And speak of talents? While his four older sons had their own specialties. Damian had his knowledge of blades and martial arts, Tim for his hacking and detective skills, Jason for his accuracy with guns and other firearms and Dick with his acrobatic skills.

(Y/N) was an artistic child. He didn't show it at first, but as he got more comfortable, he started asking for paper and crayons. Crayons slowly evolved into something more and (Y/N) would draw daily. It could be anything. It could be a couch or even Titus. Maybe it would be one of the boys too.

And, at the moment, there was a big honor in the house. What that honor may be? (Y/N) handing you his own artwork. It became a tradition and sort of a competition between everyone. Everyone wanted to see what (Y/N) has created that day.

It was considered the biggest honor in the manor, to get a piece of paper, created by (Y/N). It makes everyone's day when they get an artwork. Dick nearly cried. Damian was close to crying too. Alfred and Bruce got one too and the two grown men, who have seen stuff... Safe to say, they nearly broke down into tears and shambles.

Nearly.

But there was a one problem in this entire story. (Y/N) wouldn't limit himself to drawing on paper. Oh no. Many parents would punish the child if the child drew on the walls or floor. Right? Well... Not if you are (Y/N) Wayne who is clearly artistically talented.

(Y/N) would often draw whenever he could, even if that meant on the wall or the floor. And whoever saw (Y/N) drawing on the floor or the wall, didn't have a heart to even yell or be remotely angry, especially since (Y/N) had that shine in his eyes when he was showing them their art.

Bruce wasn't supposed allow (Y/N) to paint over the walls or the floor. That's what Bruce was supposed to correct. A correct thing to do... Right? Well, Bruce didn't know. Parenting doesn't have a book and a set of rules, but Bruce wished he had some sort of rules so he could solve this.

He can keep on dreaming when it comes to universal rules for a perfect parenting style.

But he has actually decided what he was going to do, without a doubt. (Y/N) was allowed to doddle and draw wherever he wanted. That was something that was relayed to all the other members, whoever, they put certain restrictions.

No drawing in their rooms without supervision. Bruce's study was also off limits if there is no supervision. And only at home is doodling and drawing allowed.

Because Bruce is just ready to frame it all. Alfred already has frames ready to go.

It was always fun.

As of now, (Y/N) was doodling on the wall, just sitting on the floor, without a care in the world. Bruce and Alfred were walking by, stopping when they saw (Y/N) drawing. This time, it was just a simple handprint.

Bruce was smiling and instructed (Y/N) to go wash his hands and then eat. Bruce and Alfred looked at the handprint on the wall.

" Alfred, frame that. " Bruce said and Alfred did just that. Took out a frame and made sure that handprint was framed. And it looked adorable.

" He is growing up too quickly, Master Bruce. " Alfred said said as he looked at the little handprint.

" I agree Alfred. " Bruce said sadly.

[prince-dork-the-companion]

Batfamily Presentation Night - Pizza - Cass

Masterlist

Cass: I'll go :)

Duke: Uh-oh.

Tim: Interested to see where this one goes.

Duke: Is this cheating? This feels like cheating.

Jason: When did you make this?

Cass: Before today. :)

Jason: I shouldn't be surprised.

Damian: That is a very useful visual.

Steph: I have nothing to say.

Duke: A good, hardworking employee.

Tim: We should get a cat and name it Cheese.

Damian: That is a horrible name for a cat.

Bruce: No.

Jason: Wh -

Duke: Are those turtles???

Bruce: Where did you get this image.

Cass: :)

Jason: B you have to explain.

Bruce: Cassandra.

Tim: So Bruce can have pet turtles, but when we do it's a problem? I see how it is.

Steph: Tim this is the perfect opportunity to go on your Jason Arc.

Jason: Your what?

Dick: Oh, I remember them! Those are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! They're vigilantes in New York. Super cool guys. Have a bit of an addiction to pizza, though.

Cass: And the sewers.

Dick: Yeah they live in sewers, it's kinda gross, but they're nice.

Jason: Please tell me this photo isn't in the New York sewers.

Tim: The rats, the rats... we're the rats...

Dick: Oh, that's a good one of me.

Bruce: Dick.

Dick: If you mention the rules about eating on patrol I will throw a fork at you.

Steph: Haven't we already discussed that, Bruce?

Dick: Y- WAIT!

Jason: [cackling]

Dick: So you HAVE been stealing my pizza??

[general laughter]

Steph: Why does that image look so sad...

Babs: Don't diss the deep dish.

Jason: Steph, you're not gonna say ANYTHING about the order it's in?

Steph: Nah it looks fine.

Duke: This is favouritism.

Steph: Sauce on top of cheese is a far cry from PINEAPPLE, DUKE.

Duke: It's good!!

Jason: It's not.

Jason: Wh-

Tim: Why are you so angry... What did that burger do to you...

Jason: CASS??

Cass: :)

Jason: I can't believe I have to move AGAIN.

Dick: You don't have to move every time we find your apartment.

Jason: It's called PRIVACY, DICK.

Duke: I'm unsure if I should be more concerned about what "Nemo" means or the Pinterest deck.

Jason: Pintrest deck?

Tim: [wheezes]

Dick: Nemo... does Jason eat goldfish crackers on his pizza??

Jason: GOLDFISH? Have you NEVER seen the movie finding Nemo?

Dick: I don't remember what kind of fish he is. Sorry for not having that information STORED AWAY in my brain.

Jason: It's a clownfish, Dick. Kind of like you.

Dick: I'm more of a Dory, I think.

Jason: No, you're those annoying ass seagulls.

Steph: Mine? Mine?

Cass: :)

Steph: EXCUSE ME?

Jason: Digiorno? You WILLINGLY eat DIGIORNO??

Steph: NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE TIME OR SKILL TO HARVEST AND PREPARE THEIR OWN PIZZAS, JASON

Jason: SO BUY SOME.

Dick: There's a really good pizza place on Poplar called Moe's. They give me free pizza.

Jason: Moe's is shit and you know it. I'd eat fucking Dominoes before I eat Moe's.

Dick: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Steph: Fight fight fight fight!

Duke: [wheezing]

Tim: Huh what?

Jason: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Dick: It could be worse.

Jason: I don't think it can get any worse than this. I can't believe we're related.

Babs: Y-

Dick: ANYWAYS.

Steph: Tim, you need help.

Duke: He's not the only one.

Steph: Duke, I take back everything I've said about your taste in pizza, this is a war crime.

Duke: This feels backhanded somehow.

Duke: Oh.

Jason: Hm.

Duke: I'll take it.

Steph: THREE STARS?? AND I ONLY GOT TWO???

Duke: L.

Steph: I'm going to unionize against Duke's union.

Bruce: Duke's what?

Jason: Pesto?

Cass: Hm?

Jason: Green pizza sauce. Was it pesto? Tastes like herbs, really notably the basil. It's alright. Not my favourite, but it's alright.

Cass: ...Yes. I think so.

Damian: Only four stars... what do I have to do to receive five stars?

Duke: Dude, are you trying to RIG the competition?

Dick: It's okay Dami, we tied!

Damian: I wish crush all of your pizza flavours.

Jason: There's the answer, kid.

Damian: Hn.

Duke: I smell bias.

Steph: No, no, she's got a point.

Duke: I feel enlightened. Good presentation, 7/10.

Jason: [muttering] So tired of fucking moving...

Dick: You don't have to move, little wing.

Jason: Fuck off.

Steph: I am going to hold off making my judgements but all of you know that Cass's presentation is the best.

Damian: I will go next, as mine is the objectively superior one.

TO BE CONTINUED?

[mysterycitrus]

All of your Bruce takes are so real and so true. It must break your back having to carry the weight of being the most correct batman account on this website. 🙏🏻 I love your thoughts about Bruce and Dick in particular and I was wondering if you had any thoughts about Bruce and Damian? Something about them is just… oh boy.

that’s very sweet but untrue, anon 🫰

i love damian and bruce's relationship, but it's hard to talk about without mentioning two other crucial people - talia and dick. for my own sanity i only accept damian's conception as a consensual act, so in this context talia is a fundamentally well-meaning person who attempted to protect her son from a violent life, and hid his existance from bruce until she felt he could be safe. damian loves and respects his mother. this is important.

dick, on the other hand, is really the foundation for their relationship. bruce spent like two weeks with this kid before he went on his timestream roadtrip and left everything behind for dick to juggle. contrary to popular opinion, i think it's a real disservice to act like dick taught damian to "be a good person" or like basic etiquette - a more realistic interpretation would be that dick taught damian that he didn't have to prove himself to be worth something.

the robin mantle from the time it was taken from dick has always been about proving yourself to bruce, to justify your role as his partner. always unfairly, mind (think how tim is treated vs. steph, for example), but damian is the first robin's robin. dick isn't a wayne, he's a grayson. there's an interesting point of comparison being that dick is the only robin who had a clear trajectory for his life prior to his parents dying - he was a core member of the worlds greatest acrobatic troupe - but he then left that path to become something else. damian is destined for the bat, but becomes robin instead, serving beside someone who achieved greatness by his own skill and kindness. damian has been told about his father, and here he is with someone who knows bruce better than anyone but also understands what robin means, better than anyone. i cannot emphasise how important i think dick being damian's first batman is for their own development. it's so so crucial to combat damian's perspective on family and blood. it's so important that he has that foundational knowledge of what robin means.

by the time bruce returns, damian has made tangible human connections in gotham. he's not the prickly, reactive kid that bruce first met. he's allowed himself to trust that the people around him have his best interests in mind. he knows that he isn't cared for because he's bruce's son - he's cared for because he's worth loving. his siblings aren't competition for affection or honour. he no longer sees bruce as an omnipotent force, and rather as a man he could learn to love. i think seeing bruce through both talia and dick's persepectives really helps with that.

bruce i think is confronted by the fact that for the first time in his life he can't try and hide behind the "im not really xyz's father" excuse. not that his adopted kids aren't his kids, obviously, but i do think he sometimes tries to lean on that as a crutch so he doesn't get attached (way too late for that lol). he loves damian, and there's a lot of fear about damian reflecting his worst habits, his most self-destructive behaviours back at him. maybe there's some fear about damian's history of killing, and how close bruce himself always feels to that edge. maybe there's misery about missing one of his kids growing up, again, like he's always a second too late to the important moments. bruce and damian are so similar, but this is bruce's second chance to be there. he is thomas wayne, emerging from the alley alive. do u think damian looks like his grandparents?

[killerkatsmeow]

Headcanon: Bruce adopting a civilian teenage girl.

I always thought she’d have ties to Bruce one way or another - either through her single-parent household (her mom works for him) or she has an internship at Wayne Enterprises. In the case of an internship, she’s eager to work and learn but still manages to keep things young and fun. 

Loves Alfred because wow, its her first time meeting a Brit and what kind of name is Pennyworth? I personally feel like she'd be closest to Alfred, she's most comfortable with him. Say she gets arrested/stuck at GCPD...she is NOT calling Bruce for help. She's calling Alfred and begging him to come get her and to not tell Bruce. She wakes up early to help Alfred in the kitchen, she's following him around and pestering him with questions. As an inside joke, she's bringing him a penny and some other thoughtful gift for his birthday. Because...Pennyworth.

Oh, she REFUSES to go to Gotham Academy, she is a P.S. 181 girl through and through. Why would she choose to be around those stuffy, asshole, rich kids anyway? She has all she needs at her public school: all of her friends are there, she's Cheer/Dance Capitan, she receives every party invite known to man...what could Gotham Academy possibly give her besides a complex and a reason to see a psychotherapist? Yeah, no fucking thanks. No fucking way.

The Wayne Manor... She remembers the drive up there and how she was...floored by how nice and vintage and regal and almost scary the place looked. So expensive, how could anyone feel like it was home. She's greeted outside by Bruce and Damian - Bruce wears a smile, Damian is indifferent. She is lost for words pretty often - the tall ceilings, the intimidating portraits...it's all so fancy and a far cry from the 2 bedroom apartment she shared with her mother.

Dinner that night was grand and boasted many guests - family and close friends, Bruce said. She meets Dick, he's charming, polite, and sinewy. Everyone is Gotham knows him, his tragic backstory. Then there's Barbara: she's kind, seems smart but maybe it's the glasses, and uses elbow crutches. Then there's Duke - he seems nervous but is happy to make her acquaintance. Tim has dark under eye circle, yawns a bit, but introduces himself and listens to her patiently. There's another girl who is the most excited at the table to meet her - her name is Stephanie. She smiles, shakes her hand at the speed of a humming bird, and asks a million questions. She only stops when Cass places a hand on her shoulder, she doesn't speak much (a fact Damian explains beforehand) but shakes her hand no less.

It's not until the following week that she meets Jason. She's lounging by the pool, magazine in hand as music plays from her bluetooth speaker when she sees him. He's flanked by the boys as they walk towards the basketball court, their competitive chatter fills the air. He's big - muscular and the tallest of the bunch. He spares a glance over his shoulder and she feels like her heart just stopped. He's beautiful. His eyes are narrowed and kinda intimidating, a shiny blue-green color. He doesn't look back again as they head to the court but just the one glance was enough for her.

Her friends at school know about Jason, they wanna see him for themselves. She begs and begs Bruce to allow her to have a sleepover with her 2 closest friends and after some convincing, he agrees. The girls spend most of the night swimming, baking cookies once Alfred retires from the kitchen, singing karaoke in her generously sized room. The highlight of the night comes when Jason come riding in on his motorcycle - they watch from the window as he dismounts. Strong hands pull his helmet off his head, broad sexy shoulder flex as he stows it away. The girls giggle and coo, mouths drop as they watch the big man walk towards the door. They're safe looking at him from this window they think, flirty compliments can't reach his ears from where they stood but suddenly he looks up, making full eye contact with her again. The girls drop down out of sight, gasping and giggling because of course, they'd get caught ogling.

The girls make comments about her having a "rich dad" when she comes to school with nicer shoes, an expensive backpack, etc. She hates it. "Bruce is not my father." She'll roll her eyes. Her friends ask if he'll adopt her, a topic she'd rather not broach. "No way, how can I marry Jason if we're related?" It's a joke she only...somewhat means and it makes her friends laugh and it practically erases the idea of her getting adopted from the conversation.

She has no clue about the Batfam - the whole vigilante thing. She's clueless but it's hard to believe. She makes these comments that has the fam clenching their holes in shock/fear/anticipation. "It's not like Batman's gonna save me" when she gets herself into a jam or is in need of intervention with schoolwork she cares none for. "Aww, you two are like Batman and Robin." Mockingly when the boys team up for a lame ass burn or zinger against her. "Red Hood is hotter than Nightwing." Overheard as she walks around the house, gabbing to her friends. There's been some close calls like her walking past the secret entrance to the cave right when Bruce, Damian, or Alfred step in or out of it. She doesn't understand the silence her jokes are met with sometimes but she just assumes money makes you a bit boring and stuffy. Just look at Damian.

She loves to read and she spends hours in the library though if Damian is in there, she avoids the place. One day, she has a coffee in hand and she's excited to sit on the plush chaise by the ladder and read that first edition Virginia Woolf she found. She opens the French doors, her feet moving forward before she stops in her tracks. There's Damian, legs crossed with a book splayed in his lap. She sighs, groaning inwardly because Virginia will have to wait. She turns to leave when Damian calls out to her. "You don't have to go." His voice still sounds so condescending but his face, when she turns to see him, his face holds none of that. He seems nice and honest. "You're not the most...welcoming presence in the house." She says, not moving from her spot. Damian sighs, closing his book and rising from his seat on a the davenport. "I know. But..." He doesn't finish the sentence, only waves around the library before walking past her. That was the start of a fairly interesting friendship for the two of them.

She takes the time to learn some ASL because she's under the impression that Cass is deaf or mute. She engages with Cass as much as she can, showing off the new words and phrases she's learned. She gets to be fairly good at it that she even considers taking the interpreter certification exam. So, you can imagine her surprise when, while on a hike, Cass responds to her signing with a full-fledged sentence. Then another one. And another one. Surprise isn't the word, neither is shock. But once she settles into the truth, the two break out into a fit of laughter.

Sneaking out of Wayne Manor is a bitch but she loves to do it! Sometimes she's grounded - the why is ever-changing - and sometimes, she knows Bruce and Alfred would hate her late night partying. She's opening her window and shimmying down a trellis as her friends wait outside of the manor gate off to the side and just out of sight. She hates hopping the gate, her hands are too precious for the scraping so for a few days she's been pushing a ladder closer and closer to the sweet spot of the gate. Sometimes she comes back to Bruce outside the front door in a robe with knitted brows and a set jaw, other times it's a silent treatment a t breakfast. She feels guilty sometimes, but mostly only when's he's caught. She wonders how they know, tells her friends there has to be a security camera. If only she knew.

[thelibrarian1895]

Batfamily supporting one another's hobbies: Cassandra edition

Cassandra canonically and in my heart loves to dance, any sort of dance but ballet specifically, it makes her feel graceful and beautiful and while she knows that any ballet dancer has a kick like a mule, and her family knows that she's one of the best martial artists in the world, she likes that people perceive ballerina, and therefore her, as delicate and dainty. She's never been considered delicate or dainty before and it both pleases and amuses her.

Bruce makes the time to go with Cassandra as she investigates the various ballet schools and companies associated with Gotham to see which one of them fits her wants and needs. When she finds the one she likes best, Bruce becomes the school's anonymous sponsor. It it extremely anonymous since Cassandra, who enters the school under the name of Cassandra Drake, wants to earn any role she might play because of her skill rather than because she's a Wayne. Bruce also has flowers for Cassandra after her every performance. Who presents her with the flowers is determined by a competition almost as cutthroat as the competition for Alfred's cookies.

Tim learns enough ballet to dance with Cassandra, specifically to do lifts for her and other assistant dancer sort of things, helping her shine as the prima ballerina she is and getting the chance to have quality time with his sister/favorite sibling. He doesn't have the time to be part of any productions but he's very popular in the dance classes since his presence gives more people the chance to practice the lifts and assisted spins. He's also a translator for those days when Cassandra doesn't/can't verbally speak and just signs instead.

Dick would have learned to assist her with lifts and spins and such but he's very busy and pulled twenty different directions by twenty different people at any given time. Instead he designs costumes for Cassandra and her performances. While Dick's fashion sense for vigilante costumes is bonkers and impractical, his sense of style for performance costumes is absolutely on point and Cassandra's troupe becomes well known for both their skill and their amazing costumes.

Jason didn't think about it and now won't because he doesn't want to be seen as copying the Replacement, he might start teaching himself to play the piano to accompany the two of them as their musician for a private family performance, if they want

Damian is currently too short to be good at lifts and even if he had thought of it he, like Jason, doesn't want anyone to think he's copying Tim. He will, however, paint a portrait of Cassandra as Odette, her first lead role. Damian also occasionally hangs out at the dance school to sketch the ballerinas after he's done with his own schooling for the day. He will ignore anyone who isn't Cassandra who attempts to talk to him. However, in one instance, when an interloper attempted to harass one of the ballerinas, Damian interceded, broke the man's arm, and ensured security removed and banned the man from the premises. The ballerinas consider Damian their adorable little guardian. Damian just scoffs and insists he was only doing it because he didn't want Cassandra to have to deal with any subpar replacements.

Duke is currently trying to catch up in normal bat skills and doesn't quite have the time to add ballet to his plate though he's at every performance and cheers the loudest. He absolutely cheats the most to be the one to present flowers to Cassandra most often out of the family and is the one who can give her verbal praise for her dancing instead of just grunting like a certain others in the family.

Stephanie is a terrible dancer. She owns it and laughs at it but she would not be able to be part of any ballet or assist in ballet practice to save her life. She also doesn't really want to dance ballet. Instead Stephanie helps Cassandra break in her toe shoes, is at every performance, does her best to cheer louder than Duke, and will go with Cassandra to see other ballet performances.

Alfred also ensures that Cassandra and her ballet friends have appropriate snacks and stay hydrated. He's very proud of her for developing civilian friends.

[4sh-n4]

Bruce Wayne, who can't cook to save his life but can bake better than even Alfred. The catch? He can only do it in the night after being awoken by nightmares. No one knows about his extraordinary skills other than Alfred and Dick, because everyone assumes that the baked goods in the kitchen are made by Alfred. Dick knows because when he was younger and couldn't sleep because of nightmares, he used to join Bruce in the kitchen and watch him work.

Dick Grayson, who is an absolute disaster in the kitchen because he keeps getting distracted, but give him a microwave and a dream and he'll prepare a solid three course meal that actually tastes decent. He's also an excellent cocktail maker, which is funny since he prefers to have his alcohol straight without any mixers (he still puts the little umbrellas in his glass though, don't be mistaken)

Jason Todd, who is an ACE in the kitchen because he refused to ever be helpless with food again after getting off the streets. He was going to eat, and he was going to eat WELL. Especially since he finally had the resources to be able to actually experiment with what he likes and what he can do with different foods, instead of just what's cheapest or most easily found. The one thing he can't do? Crack an egg with only his hands without getting any of the eggshell pieces in the food. He needs to use one of those little egg cracking tools. The thing that pissed him off the most about this is that the one thing Dick can do brilliantly in the kitchen, is crack eggs with one (1!!!) hand only.

Tim Drake, who is definitely not michelin star level (the Drakes had a cook for Tim's entire childhood so he never had to learn), but has learnt to sustain himself with instant meals and those little ramen packets. He somehow always makes them taste good though, adding toppings and making sure they are some form of nourishing, even if that just means adding a fried egg on top and calling it a day. He also knows the difference between all the different little types of tea that alfred likes to drink just by taste, and is the only other person in the house that can make a perfect cup (that is Alfred approved). It always shocks everyone else, because Tim is notorious for hating the taste of tea.

Cass Cain, who has no culinary abilities and does not want them either. Her skills in the kitchen start and end with making sandwiches. But whenever she goes out to eat, she always goes to a chinese restaurant and gets something that she hasn't tried before, because she was never introduced to any foods of her culture and wants to taste them all now. Oh, and she can do super complicated tricks with the knives, her and Dick have constant competitions about who can do the coolest thing.

Steph Brown, who lives off of takeaway for most meals, but can make better breakfast foods than most people in the house. Waffles, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast, you name it and she can make it. Only if it is traditionally eaten before noon though. She also worked as a barista part time for a while, so she knows all the fancy coffee recipes.

Damian Al Ghul Wayne, who doesn't care to cook other cuisines, but taught himself how to make almost every middle eastern and south asian dish he could get his hands on, because it helped him feel closer to his home and his mother when he first moved in with his father. His fondest memories of his mother are of her feeding him his cultural foods and telling him about their origins. It was the only time they did not speak of work, or his training, but instead about what his father was like as a person, about the things his mother has seen on her travels over the years, about his maternal grandmother, about his interest in animals.

Duke Thomas, who can cook enough for a 15 year old but doesn't touch the kitchen of Wayne manor very often, not unless he's just sitting on the counter watching others or helping minorly. His memories are still fresh enough to bleed when touched and all his memories of him cooking in the kitchen have his parents happily dancing in the background on Sundays with loud music blaring through the walls as they teach him how to chop onions without crying or knead dough.

Alfred Pennyworth, who only had the most basic culinary skills when he began working for the Waynes, just enough to keep him alive when he was in the military, but was forced to learn how to cook when he was unexpectedly given custody of an 8 year old. He can cook better than most professional chefs in the world now, but he still hoards Thomas Wayne's old cookbooks like they're the only tangible part left of the man who once filled the halls of the manor, even though he knows that's not true. He'll pass them down to his grandchildren one day...just not today. Today, they're still his.

[ultimate-marysue]

To all interested in toxic, dysfunctional Batfam/Bad or Abusive Dad Bruce I have a proposition of sorts. As much as I love a Bad Dad Bruce where the kids all comfort and help each other standing up to Bruce, I think it's more likely and more interesting if they're completely isolated and desperate for Bruce's approval.

(If this isn't your cup of tea ignore this post. I'm also a fan of Good dad Bruce and wholesome Batfam but I understand some people are only interested in one or the other and that's valid. There's space for everyone in this fandom. Also TW for discussions of psychological Child Abuse)

How abuse (especially the brand the comics accidentally depict at times and the fandom enjoys portraying) works is more complicated that a Mean Bad Guy and a bunch of sweet and adorable perfect victims that unionize together. You make your victims fight each other, you choose golden children and scapegoat kids to rotate between so none of them gets too comfortable. That creates friction and rivalry even on a subconscious level. You may know logically the abuser is the one creating the situation and yet your brain is annoyed whenever a sibling knocks you down in the Favor pyramid.

No one wants to be the scapegoat and when your abuser seems so big and inescapable, the only way to avoid it is pushing someone else under the bus. Not to mention how you believe their logic. When you're compared favorably to another sibling, you internalize said criticism as moral flaws that you're above off. Which makes you resent said sibling even more when they regain favor and you're left thinking "I did everything right, and yet this failure gets dotted on???!". It's the prodigal son parable, Cain and Abel.

I know this makes your fav character extremely morally grey but I find it fascinating. Like, Tim absolutely despising Jason for being a failure and a killer (victim blaming him), seething when he comes back to the family and Batman begs him to come to dinner because how dare he. Tim's done everything right and he doesn't get half the attention. How he tries to steal the spotlight from Damian, clawing at his role as Batman's side quick because that's all that's ever gotten him positive reinforcement.

Dick constantly compares himself to Cass because he was Batman's original partner, she doesn't get to come and suddenly be the apple of Bruce's eye. He thinks he's over the mind games, moving away and trying to encourage his brothers to raise above this nonsensical competition for Bruce's attention...and yet when it comes to Cass (the only one that threatens his status as Golden Child) he can't help but feel just as defensive as his siblings are with him.

Jason who claims to not need Bruce's love and yet is completely addicted to the intermittent reward of his affection. How he still resents Tim for making it a point to be Bruce's obedient little lapdog, how he still blames Dick for being too perfect to reach.

Damian who is constantly being compared to Tim. Perfect Tim who is so smart, and obedient and socially savvy. How do you get your father to approve of you when your competition is 1) The Original Boy Wonder 2) His most perfect and loyal soldier in the cause 3) The World's Most Dutiful Sidequick. He'll never be as great as Dick, as Devoted as Cass nor as obedient as Tim.

Cassandra knows she's the favorite, and even when Dick briefly usurps her place in Bruce's made up mental hierarchy she knows it won't last. She's too good, and that drives all of her insecure praise-starved siblings up the wall. She may not be purposefully mean, but the end result is the same.

Duke may be the only one escaping mostly unscathed. He's playing along with the whole family thing, but his real parents are alive, he's going back to them as soon as he fixes their situation. He's been in the system since they were jokerized and this is not his first encounter with this kinda dynamic so he's not engaging. He admires Bruce's work, but Batman was never his inspiration. There's no hero worship to blind and entice him, and that low-key scares Bruce. Which is why Duke also gets the golden child treatment, an instinctive attempt at winning him over.

Steph and Barbara often find themselves reeling from the shit they hear from the "Waynes". Because everything makes sense to their internal logic, but the second you talk to an outsider they feel the need to call CPS. I can see them arguing with Tim and Dick respectively and calling them out on the twisted way they talk about their siblings sometimes. Same with Cass.

These are just raw ideas, but I just think if you're going to play around with the concept of abusive Dad Bruce, you can enrich the analysis by reflecting on the consequences of said upbringing. It doesn't mean they can't talk things out and fix it, but acknowledging how abuse twists your brain can give depth to your interpretation. Victims aren't perfect martyrs, if you grow up in a fucked up environment you're gonna think fucked up things. And not all of those are self afflicted and cute, sometimes you're going to think very mean things about your fellow victims. And I'm not even bringing Alfred Sneaky Enabler Pennyworth into this, that's already its own post.

I'm not saying you should never write them banding together for comfort, I'm not even saying that this interpretation is canon (like, at all, it just isn't). I'm just saying I don't see enough of this idea and I wanted to share it.

[mr-something-0r-another]

I tend to do mostly one shots, I say as more than half of the fics I have up currently have more than one chapter, but I'm wanting to do something bigger. Just not sure which to start with. And yes, I have most of these planned out, as well as begun writing them. I'm just not sure what I should focus on currently. And no, these aren't the official names. (I struggle with titles)

BirdFlash Slowburn HS/College AU:

BirdFlash w/ powers and superhero stuffs, and they also go to the same highschool. Current plan is to only have Dick and Wally attend the same highschool, but we've got some other supers of their generation in the hero side. Super slow, and long. Identity shenanigans, Dick is a theatre kid, they won't confess until in or after college (but don't worry it, opens on senior year), they will be Robin and Kid Flash at the beginning but will morph into Nightwing and Flash just cause I want to play with a little bit of cannon. probably gonna be super long, and will take me a year or more to complete.

Captain Marvel Lawsuit:

Both carol and billy (in their respective universes) facing lawsuits and media backlash, because they copied off of a fictional superhero. So, we've got the Avengers helping Carol, and Jon and Damian and some Justice League helping Billy. In Carol's (the Marvel universe) DC is the main comics company. And In Billy's (the DC universe) Marvel is the main comics company. Idk, just thought it'd be funny cause it's a real lawsuit between DC and Marvel. And I don't really like them calling Billy 'Shazam', because that's his power activation thing and it just seems weird, he can't even introduce himself as a hero.

Avengers Vacay Shenanigans:

Basically a crackfic of shenanigans. Like, they're staying at a rented cabin for a week or so. And what place would have enough rooms? So roommates, I think they might almost die for the sake of breakfast, and there may be the slightest bit of angst (which will just be me projecting about my own angsty mac and cheese experience onto Clint), other than that relatively fluffy shenanigans that would ensue on one of their vacations. I'm definitely pushing both friendships and relationships in this one. Current plan includes WinterFalcon, estabed Scott/Hope, Clint/Loki, platonic Science Bros, platonic Steve + Bucky + Sam, platonic Clint + Sam (honestly, geeks), platonic Bucky + Loki (admiring their geeks), platonic Natasha + Thor (competitive besties?), ect.

HalBarry Domestic Dreams:

Similar to a Superbat idea from frownyalfred,(https://www.tumblr.com/frownyalfred/738620242981470208/fic-idea-a-world-where-clark-and-bruce-both-get?source=share), like I think that's where this idea originated from. Simply thought it months later, and had to hunt down the og for this post. ANYWAYS, Barry and Hal have been having the same dreams, a continuous plot of a domestic life between the two. But it's kinda weird to mention to your coworker that you've been having ultra realistic dreams about being in a relationship with him. right? So they both stay silent. However, they know things that they wouldn't know if it weren't for the dreams, random phrases, or actions, all that fun stuff. So, cue awkwardness. Might be a bit of a slowburn but not as much as the BirdFlash one.

BatArrow bonding over billionaires, kids, vigilantes, and the fucking media:

the media basically forces Bruce and Ollie into a relationship, after seeing them having lunch together once and that was a business meeting. They end up fake dating, for the media, then they start to see the benefit of having another single father billionaire around. So they bond over that, and start to become official. Eventually they have the inevitable superhero secret identity reveal, and turns out their dating the coworker that they only tolerate. But they learned to love each other in the hero side too. They just deserve some love. Where else to get it from other than your childhood friend/repeated hookup/coworker?

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I was thinking and I got the conclusion that stalker!Tim works as an AU not because Tim is (while not a stalker) canonically a weirdo (he is) but because Bruce is canonically even more of a weirdo.

We know that just like his reaction to the fake uncle shit, after dealing with the shock that this kid figured out his identity and bonding more with his new Robin, Bruce would just compliment Tim stalker abilities and give him new ones.

And that's to say I need more of stalker Bruce creeping people up. We already have him knowing all JLA secret identities without them telling him. But we need more. I want him knowing Hal Jordan's favorite ice cream flavour or Diana's birthday or Dinah's food alergies without no one telling him. He figures Ollies favorite fucking arrow and Zatanna's favorite Barbie movie, he discovered Arthur favorite snack and how exactally Martha Kent made her fried chesse to give a perfect copy to Clark when he was missing Smallvile during a space mission. He discovered Barry's competitive pokemon team! Everyone on the JLA is freaked. They think he has a secret mind reading/guessing superpower he might not even know about but is just stalkish paranoia. The only person he can't figure things out (and it keeps he awake some nights) is Captain Marvel (he is still the first to discover Billy is a kid). Martian Manhunter is the only one that knows Bruce is just weird but he knows he has good intencions so he doesn't care.

And it isn't only with the League. He makes extensive background checks in all his kids friends. The Teen Titans (both Dick's and Damian's) are freaked out by it. The YJ is actually fine 'cause they are used to Tim and it makes sense Bruce would be like that. The Outsiders (both Jason's but also Cass and Duke's) make their personal quest to mislead him. Not to mention the civilian friends. He is less obvious about it but the kids know and it freaks them up. Steph has a serius discussion over bondaries the day Bruce asks about Crystal's dentist visit and Babs is annoyed af when he just knows things about Alysia. And not only the kids all the other batfam members! The Birds of Prey straight up told him to stop multiple times. Helena once asked Sage's help to trick Bruce, Kate just used Alfred to order him to stop. Barbara interceded in name of Montoya as if she wasn't even in the paranoid stalker game with Bruce and Tim (Babs is worse than Bruce actually). Jim Gordon thinks is cool actually. But Lucious Fox is just "kid, I love you, but Alfred needs to teach you bondaries" and "how did you know Tam's baby tooth was starting to fall before me??" (Yes Bruce does this stalker thing since he was a kid/teen)

He also does it with the Rogues. At first they don't notice it because it's normal that their oponent knows things about them but starts to get weird. Selina freaks out when Bruce tells her to say happy birthday for her cat n12 (Dollie, he called it by name) when she hadn't even introduced him to her cats yet. Riddler had a genuine breakdown when Bruce just gave him the exact perfect copy of his glasses prescrition and all to replace his broken ones during an interrogation (he needed Riddler's help against a copycat). Harley punched Bruce in the face after he correctly pointed out she had just started her period and offered heater packs for her cramps, a chocolate ice cream and some snacks while driving her to Arkham, Penguin stopped doing crime for a whole week after he had almost fainted (being a crime lord is hard) for not eating the whole day and having high blood pressure for stress reason and Bruce just gave him a snack, a bottle of water and his meds (except it wasn't his meds, Batman just had a pill of Penguin's prescription in hand and wtf), Scarecrow recomended him therapy when he somehow figure out Jon's favorite candy bar and tried to use it as a bargain for information, Joker felt very flaterred that Bruce not only knew that he made his own dye using two pre existing dye products and a mix of chemicals but had the formula including the recomended brands for everyhing.

The only person who had no reaction was Clark. Clark sees Bruce being a weird stalker as just a fact of life and no one knows how to deal with it. (It's better than Tim "I wanna be like that" and Babs "cool but I'm better " aproaches at least). Talia Al Ghul used to consider it impressive and have a flirty competition to see if Batman could figure details about her. After they stopped being an item they respected each other enough that he just stalks Talia if is related to Ra, crimes, Damian or the League.