#brought to you by: my parents realizing after 10 years that non of us are neurotipical

[harpertheharpy]

one of the dynamics i loooove to see:

[maddyguru]

Hello, Again (geto s.)

Synopsis: after leaving you for 10 years, you met your older brother, Suguru again. But it wasn't the happy reunion that you were hoping for. In fact, this is the beginning of your hell.

Tw: dark content, public humiliation, r word in front of public, sibling incest, non con, loss of virginity, brief mentions of ptsd, brief mentions of killing, geto is crazy (everybody knows this), SPOILER, forced pregnancy, unwanted pregnancy, breeding kink (not detailed), hate speech bc geto hates monkeys, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

You woke up to the sound of chatters and whispers. What baffled you was the pitch-black sight. As if you're in the basement with no source of lights as your guides. Another thing you noticed was that your hands were behind your small back, tied together with ropes.

Ropes? are you abducted?

"Hello, everyone. Today we welcome the arrival of this young girl."

Your eyes, behind the cloth of the blindfolds, were wide open as the realization hit you. That voice- you know whom it belongs to;

It was Suguru Getou's. Your older brother. Your long-lost, older brother.

Your lips are trembling at the sound of his voice. It's been ten years. Ten fucking years since you last saw him. You were just eight years old when he left you. You're just a little kid growing up in the neighborhood of Tokyo. Just a girl with ordinary life, loved by her parents and brother. Brother,

You cackled softly. Does the man really love you? Considering how he was the one who made you suffer, the one who destroyed your life. The one who made you an orphan?

You never thought listening to the sound of his voice could make you feel this way. After all that was said and done, you still couldn't hate him. You and your all kindness couldn't say ''I hate you'' to him. And all because you cherished the memories you had of him.

It made you wonder, what about him? does he hate you? The last time he saw you, he said he does;

The sudden yanking of the blindfold made you gasp. And there, you were faced with so many people in front of you. All of them vary from men to women bowing down at you as if you're their God. You're still in your outfit- you were supposed to be heading to college. Jesus, how many days has it been?

You look around. You're surrounded by these people, and you can't run to the door; without a doubt, all of these people will catch you and bring you back to him.

Your chin was softly tapped, and he brought your face to him, making you face him.

Your eyes were wide. You couldn't help but blush when you were face to face with Suguru again.

He changed. His eyes were a heavy glint of despair and evil, and his hair was longer. Even though your brother still ties his locks, the strands of his growing hair were behind his back. You almost smiled when you saw his piercings- it surprised you, to say the least. How he doesn't get rid of them.

"Nii-chan, you'd look so handsome with piercings!"

"Really? well, since my little sister says I'll look handsome with them, I'll get it done."

You thought about how happy you were when he was your brother.

"Hello, again." He greeted you, smiling so wickedly it made your stomach churn.

The Suguru that resides in your memory wasn't the Suguru you're facing now. He wore a Buddhist-style kimono, the silk faintly brushing against your skin. It was nice. It must be expensive, you thought to yourself the more he stared at you. The Suguru you used to know had a loving aura whenever you were with him. The Suguru you remembered wouldn't abduct you and tie your hands together like this. Your innocence made you blind- you failed to realize that he's no longer your brother.

"O-oniichan...''

"Ah, ah, ah, it's Geto- sama for you, lovely."

You blinked, seemingly confused.

He finds it amusing as he mockingly laughs at you. "Honestly, (y/n) who is oniichan? I'm Suguru Geto. Do you know that?"

You didn't realize that you have tears on your cheeks. Suguru's words to an onlooker may be just words. But to you, his blood sister, it is a declaration of your bonds being severed. The memory of 10 years ago, the night he murdered his parents came to mind. The day he left you all alone with nightmares and sorrows as your company failed to bore a hatred fruit.

How can you hate him? He's your brother. The blood pumping in your veins is the same as his. The memory of eating ice creams together and cuddling with each other was too precious, too evergreen for you to throw it away.

"Say it for me. Say, "yes, Geto- sama," he whispered, smirking at you.

You were hesitant, your eyes looking at him and then peeking at the many people bowing in front of you and him. "Yes,, Geto- sama..." you replied meekly.

"Good! very good. You're still as obedient as I remember, little sister," he smiled as you felt the palm of his hands cupping your cheeks together like he used to do when you were sulking.

Why are you here? You find yourself asking. What was the reason for your abduction to this place? You looked at him again, pleading with your eyes for answers.

"Ah, you must be wondering why you're here, right sister?" he pauses, clicking his tongue at your obviousness.

"Why don't I show you?" he sweetly smiled, later tearing open your dress and prompting you to scream. Your eyes were wide open as you screamed for him to get away from you. God knows how much you struggled, backing away from his as much as your body allows you to with tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Please," you plead, disgusted with his hands on the strap of your bra as he removed it from you, "please, let go! please, oniichan-"

Your skin stung from the brute force of Geto's slap. Your head was turning to the right when he slapped you.

It managed to keep your mouth shut. But you're still crying. And it's not just from the slap, but because all your life, Suguru never laid his hands on you. He was always so gentle and loving, smiles adorning his handsome features, and he would press kisses whenever you cried.

But this Suguru Geto has abducted and assaulted you, far from the brother you used to know.

"Didn't I fucking tell you? It's Geto- sama. Not oniichan."

He glared at you, and later his lips were moving into the shape of a smirk.

"A monkey like you doesn't deserve to be my sister.''

By the time you were sobbing, he was in between your trembling legs, and in front of this many people, he tore away your skirt and later grabbed the hem of your panties and,

As pathetic as your miserable life could be, he slides them away, not even bothering to pull them down and toss them aside. Like a common whore, he only did that much.

"Please,, don't..."

"Now, now, you know I only want this,'' you screamed when he cupped your pussy, "right here, don't you baby?" he asked, his tone was sickeningly sweet.

No, no, please...Geto- sama... I don't want to, don't want this..."

Was he really doing this to you? Was he really going to rape you in front of this many people? Was he really going to commit incest with...you? His little sister?

"Didn't he care about you? love you?" His voice was low, whispering into your ears so closely, "Was what you're asking yourself, right, (y/n)?" He beamed at you- a smile that doesn't resemble him from the past. The ones you engraved in your brain were different from what he showed you now.

Dumbly, you nodded at his question, afraid he'd get mad at you for not answering.

Laughing, he cooed, "Times have changed. The old me that you once knew is not the present me. I've already told you that night after I killed your parents, remember?"

You shut your eyes tightly from the painful memories. Splashes of blood, two lifeless bodies lying on the ground before your eyes, and eight-year-old you crying for oniichan to save you. Even though it was obvious, that he was the one who executed them.

That night continues to haunt your every waking and sleep hour. Because of Suguru, you have nightmares. Because of him, you're getting therapy sessions every once a week. Because of that night, you're afraid of blood.

"Please,,,'' begging like an idiot, you try to search for his sympathy.

He laughed in your face, reaching out behind you and easily tugging the ropes that bound you. It falls on the tatami floor underneath you.

You realize that you're half-naked, with your panties slid to the side of your thighs. Embarrassed at the eyes prying on your naked figure, you try covering yourself with your now freed hands.

But he's quick to catch them and gripped your bones so tightly you squealed from the new pain.

"Don't you fucking dare try covering yourself, pathetic slave."

You're trembling from the fear that you never thought you'd feel again.

"Your body and soul are all mine. They're worshipping me, and you will, too. This is why you are here for."

Suguru thought about how pathetic you are when you're shaking your head from side to side. Your face says you don't want this, along with your tears. They speak for themselves.

It's not bad of him to think that he doesn't give a shit about what you want, right?

His cock was already hard from the minute he slid your dress away, and his eyes were met with your beautiful breasts. What's even more precious is when he slid your panties away and was met with your flushing folds, the clit hidden away slightly.

He bit his lips, and your crying face heightened his arousal even more.

"Come on, worship me, Your God!" he caught your legs and spread them apart, which caused you to cry out even more from fear and disgust.

Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, he's going to!

"No, please!" You screamed, your cries ringing in the cramped room. Everyone is looking at you and him. You look away, shutting your eyes with those beautiful blushing cheeks Suguru loved.

"Please, Geto- sama... please..." You tried pleading again, but he ignored you and spread your legs wider (if possible), making your cunt visible for everyone in this room to see. You felt your cheeks reddening even more. He was behind you, pressed so closely you froze when your butt felt the hardness of his cock.

He slid his hands down your shoulders, causing you to flinch, and later, it found its way to your pretty flower folds.

You're shaking your head with tears yet again.

"Look at them!" he hissed at you, gripping your chin to face straight ahead, in front of his worshippers. Your tears were gathering in the palm of his hand, wetting them more. Your lips were trembling more and more, as he spoke to his audience.

"Today, all of you will get to see me breed this girl, and create a world of sorcerers. Soon, she will birth my future kins, and I will rebuild my world."

What the fuck is he saying? is he... is he serious?

"Listen, (y/n), nii-san may not be there on time when you need me, but I want you to know, nii-san loves you, ok?"

"nii-san! why are you telling me this?"

"nii-san just want you to know, nii-san will never hurt you. And nii-san will always love you, no matter what he does, ok?"

It's ok, it's ok. It's nii-san. He will always love me, always, always...

You heard the shuffling of clothes, and you saw him undoing his obi, the nagajuban part of his kimono was already away from his shoulders, revealing his torso.

Bile rose in your throat, and tears won't stop painting your skin.

Nii-san will never hate me. He lied, he lied... he will always love me, right?

You thought to yourself, even when Suguru was sliding away the rest of his robes from his body, his fingers spreading apart your folds and teasing you in front of his followers.

"You will give yourself to me like a good slave. You will let me squeeze myself inside you and pump my cum into your womb until you're fat with my babies. You hear me?" He grabbed your chin, making you face him slightly.

You're crying, yet again with your pathetic blubbers.

"Look at the inside of her pussy. It's all pink and untouched, don't you think so?" he says, and you hid your face into his chest, crying even more when he spreads your folds even farther, making you uncomfortable and slightly in pain from the stretch.

"Please, don't..."

Your face is buried on his chest, shutting your eyes when he continues to spread your folds and tease you with two of his fingers. You tried moving away. The plan is to crawl from his body. You didn't care anymore if his followers caught you. You would rather die trying.

"Please, no. Please,," God was apparently a sadist because He only allows you a few seconds to be freed from Suguru's hold before you're in his arms again. This time, you're underneath him.

When he dragged you and trapped you with his body, he slammed your head roughly against the tatami floor, and you let out a pained cry. You swore your vision went black for a second from the impact. You lay there, with tears continuously flowing from your eyes.

"How dare you try to run away from me, you low-life monkey." He speaks enough for the people in the room to hear him. As if he wanted everyone to listen to what he says, even though it's clear that the one he's humiliating is you.

He smirked, his hands suddenly grabbing your throat and clenching hard, almost breaking your windpipe. You coughed, little hands desperately grabbing his much bigger arms.

"How dare you, trying to escape from me like that," he grabbed his cock, aligning the muscle to probe directly against your hole. His laughter resonated yet again when he realized...

"You're not even wet? How rude of you to come unprepared before your God. I guess I'll have to improvise," he spits into his palm before smearing the liquid all over his length. You don't even want to look at it, too afraid and disgusted.

For someone who swore they won't hurt you, this fucking hurts.

"No, please... I don't want this..." You whispered in tears when you felt the head of his cock probing your hole, trying to get inside you.

"Shut up, you're annoying me." He barked, pushing the head finally inside you, passing the tight rim first.

"Ah!" You screamed, the foreign feeling of having something (even if it's just the head) inside you too overwhelming for you. Your hands move on their own- you clutched his arms so tightly he swore it'll leave a mark with your nails.

He pushed into you, tearing open your hymen. His chest was pushed against yours. Your screams resonated in the room when Suguru kept pushing into your bleeding pussy. You could see his head was thrown back and his eyes closed from the pleasure of having a virgin.

"Well, at least you're a good girl,'' he chuckled, ramming his cock inside you to test the water with your hands still gripping his.

"Please, don't...move!" You cried out, tears pooling in your eyes when he stopped for a while, observing you.

His eye caught sight of the crystal blue hairpin that you wore. He gifted them to you when you were 3 years old. He has asked for Shoko's advice on what to get for your birthday, and hairpin it was. His heart sank a little, a frown on his face.

You still wear them? Even after all these times?

He ignored you, pushing away that sympathy he felt for you, and fucked you despite your cries of pain.

"No... no, oniichan, it hurts!"

The moment you screamed, his hands were gripping your throat once again, tightening as hard as he could in an attempt to kill you. Your eyes were staring at him from pain- and he loved how you panicked. The soft hands that were on the floor are now gripping his arms.

"How.many.fucking.times," he squeezed harder, listening to your choked moans.

"Do I have to fucking tell you, bitch? It's Geto- sama, for you."

He found pleasure when you choked, crying, and the way your insides clenched with every hard thrust he gave you. The only thing his mind yearned for was to breed your pussy full of potent cum and see you get pregnant before his eyes. And have as many children as he wants with you and,

Finally killing you, just like he killed his parents 10 years ago.

''P-p- please..." your choked whispers were heard amidst the sound of his worshippers and his thrusts, and he thought briefly, that he loves you all flushed and humiliated in front of his followers. Your eyes were staring at his, crying out for him to stop.

"Please, what?" he taunted you, fucking you even harder and you let out a squeak from the new pain.

"Plea- please, stop... it hurts, Geto- sa- sama..."

He ignored you, and you didn't know which hurts more- the fact that your brother raped you, or it's because he treated you like a stranger?

"You can take it. Women's hole is to be used for this and for giving birth. If you can't handle a cock, how can you give birth to healthy babies?"

A tear trickles on your skin at his words, hurt by the lack of empathy he provided for you.

You shake your head, sobbing. "I can't... it really... really hurts..."

He lets go of your throat, pounding you harder now that he held your waist in place. But you're still fucking crying, much to his dismay.

"It hurts, please...!" You glanced down to see where he plunged himself into you, raping you. Your widened eyes were entertaining his sadistic tendencies.

"Geto-sama, I'm bleeding..." you almost passed out when you saw the trickle of blood in between your thighs- you hate it, you hate it, it reminded you of that night.

Your whimpers are music to his ears. He knows you must've been afraid of blood after the night he slaughtered his parents. You're shaking even more when you saw the crimson liquid, sobbing like a fucking kid.

He loves it, hurting you.

His hands gripped your chin, turning your face to the right so you could look at all these people, the men hard. You were fucked by their God, and he loves the way you clenched harder at the humiliation, a reminder, that you belonged to him. That he's your Geto-sama.

"You stupid bitch, you think I care about you?"

"(y/n), careful! or else you'll trip!"

''I don't care if you're my blood sister. I don't even care when I killed my parents."

"(y/n), -chan, you need to wait for oniichan before you could cross the road on your own. I don't want you to get hurt, baby."

"You're only a pussy to fuck, to birth my children."

"Here, hold my hand so you won't get lost, ok?"

"You know what I'm gonna do to you once you've done your role?"

"(y/n), do you hate me for leaving you every week?"

"I'm gonna kill you, and send you to hell."

"niisan will come back, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

"Make sure you take all of my cum, you stupid monkey. Take all, or else you're going to get a beating from me, alright?"

He fucked you so hard, that when he shoot his seeds into your womb, it felt so painful and you screamed so hard from the pain.

.

.

.

.

.

It's been a month since that day. The day you were taken away and raped in front of many people. You gently sobbed when you saw the pregnancy test that Suguru and his secretary forced you to take said positive.

"Great! you're pregnant!'' This was the first time Suguru felt so happy, the first time in 10 years. And it was sadly not because he met you again, but there's a baby inside you, one that he's been crazy about for the past month. So crazy that he raped you every day, every hour, not even bothering to tend to your wounds and left you alone the minute he pumped his seeds into you.

He cupped your flat stomach, happy that his seeds created a fetus that would later be born as his child. And before long, he'd put another one into you.

"You're so perfect, my love. A perfect bitch to use for fucking babies." His voice hung in the air, sank into every fiber in your being. He didn't even have the decency to not degrade you like that in front of his secretary, his family.

"Listen, now that you're pregnant with my child, I want to remind you." He grabbed your chin, squeezed your cheeks together, and cursed you.

"You mean nothing to me. You're not my family member, and never will be. This baby is the only family I regard from you. You're just a host for my children."

He lets you go, pushing you away so hard, that you let out a sob.

"And if the baby is useless monkey just like you are, I'll kill it, until you give birth to the ones I want," he grinned at you, so eerily.

You're afraid. Afraid of this monster. You slowly cup your stomach, and the thought of Suguru killing your baby frightens you.

Not only does he has and will ruin your life, but also this baby will be crushed too if it doesn't turn out the way he desires.

And it's all your fault. For having this baby, for birthing it, and powerless to stop his cruel way.

[theweirdwideweb]

In hindsight after your ADHD diagnosis, were there specific moments or behaviors from your childhood/teenage years that you saw under a new light?

Now I have not been able to get a diagnosis, but I do strongly believe I have ADHD at the very least. I thought it started and got progressively worse when I was in high school, because that's where I noticed that I was struggling. But then later, I brought up the idea to my mom and she was like "no, you've always been like this" what? But I genuinely didn't remember that.

I also found old report cards and progress reports from elementary school that all said some variation of "a pleasure to have in class, but needs to be reminded to focus and stay on task." But I was never tested? Why? I was in IEP and went to special classes weekly and was regularly tested for non-ADHD disabilities (hearing loss), so what would an extra test or two have hurt?

Did you have any moments of realization where you were like "oh, so it was always there?"

I hear you. It's so frustrating to think I could have gotten help as kid, but no one even suggested it. It had never even occurred to me by the time I was diagnosed at 34. If my psychiatrist hadn't suggested it I probably would still be undiagnosed. Looking back, of course there were signs. It's all mixed up with the fact that I was abused as a kid and developed PTSD at about 10, but here are some things that stood out:

Scored in the 99th percentile on all standardized tests, but had average grades. Did not complete assignments. Found I couldn't start my homework at home despite dire consequences from abusive parents.

Feeling developmentally different than my peers. It was like they all got something about friends and social behavior that I just missed and I couldn't figure out what it was. Related much more to adults than children.

Sensory problems. High sensitivity to light, sound, sensations. I would react with extreme anger that upset and confused everyone, myself included.

Physically uncoordinated. Poor balance, using too much or too little strength, dropping things, knocking things over. So much so that my parents had a mean nickname for me about it.

Number lists! For example: I got to school at 8. I would write down all the times between 8 and 5 in five minute intervals on a sheet of paper (9:15, 9:20, 9:25, etc) and cross them off as the time passed. Kept track of reading in a similar way (book, page, goal pages, where I'm supposed to be, difference between page I'm on and page I should be, average pages per day, etc etc etc like 10 columns. Notebooks full of this.

Extreme emotional sensitivity. Prone to depression and angry outbursts.

And so much more I'm assuming. All my parents did was tell me to stop being r*tarded and that I was a bad person. I grew up with a pervasive sense of being "the weird kid". It deeply effected my self esteem. I hope you are able to be tested. Understanding that I had a neurodevelopmental disorder instead of a moral failing and being treated for it with stimulant medication changed my whole life. I wasn't diagnosed until my 30s but thank god I was.

[being-kindrad]

Q&A Panel with seven detransitioners, 2023, transcribed

The following is a transcript of the first ever Q&A panel discussion with seven detransitioners filmed on Detrans Awareness Day 2023. Seven detransitioners speak publicly and answer questions from the audience at a film screening of the documentary No Way Back: The Realities of Gender Affirming Care.

The panel discusses the medical ethics of the gender affirmation model of care for gender dysphoria, and the untold harm personally endured by detransitioners Chloe Cole, Laura Becker, Luka Hein, Estella Suarez-Hamilton, Brian Wagner, Rachel, and Shape Shifter.

The panel answers questions from concerned parents about the relationship between gender distress, social contagion, trauma, and familial relationships, and panelists give advice about maintaining and repairing relationships with children and loved ones who are experiencing identity issues.

View the panel recording here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyJGijjI2JU 

Transcript after the break.

Panel moderator: How do you guys feel? Had you not seen [the documentary] before? Did it bring up any feelings for you guys?

Estella (female detransitioner): It brought up a lot of feelings for me. I medically detransitioned this past year and I was still maintaining my social transition, clinging on to that, and kind of hearing about the process of other detransitioners and even speaking to some people who are here today, learning how much commonalities we have with this journey. It makes you realize that “oh, well, maybe this is rare, but maybe this is not so rare as they're saying.” Especially when it comes to medical consequences. I can speak for myself with some of the effects that testosterone has had on my body—it's menopause, it's going through menopause at nineteen. And when your body's not ready for that. And there was like a list of that, the incontinence, not being able to hold your bladder, not being able to sleep because of heat flashes that are painful. It's ridiculous, thinking that a teenager should go through that, when they're just at the cusp of adulthood, so it brought up a lot of emotion realizing that I wasn't alone in a lot of that. I know that I had a conversation with Chloe earlier this year about heat flashes and that was the first time that I had spoken to anybody about the itchiness and the uncomfortableness at night and realizing that wasn't just me, you know, and that's what you hear a lot, a lot of people being like “oh, well it's just you, I guess it just didn't work out for you.” It's like, it's not just me, you know, this is something that could happen and it's exhausting. So, yeah.

Panel moderator: Can we just go down the line really quick and introduce, you guys can introduce yourself, so we know who you are and then we'll open it up for questions.

Shape (male detransitioner): Hi, I'm Shape. I'm a male detransitioner, gender non-conforming. You guys may know me from YouTube or Twitter, so this was pretty powerful, also triggering, but powerful.

Rachel (female detransitioner): I'm Rachel. I transitioned when I was like 25, lived as a “man” for like seven years, realized “oh I don't need to do this and I'm running away from other things,” so I went back to living as a woman, more or less, a year ago, and just kind of opened my eyes to kind of like the whole gaslighting of this “trans marketing” like it's you know they—well not to get too far into it, but the whole thing is weaponizing empathy to make people believe that “oh you have to affirm these kids that's the nice thing to do,” but long term, well, I think you guys know.

Brian (male detransitioner): Good afternoon, my name is Brian Wagner. In my early 20s, I had substance use disorders and mental health issues. I transitioned from male to female, I lived my life as a transgender woman for close to 10 years, I detransitioned upon sobering up and getting to see a psychologist that was not an activist. The most powerful part of this documentary for me personally was when it talked about Jung's “Shadow Self,” because I think for a lot of society and especially the trans rights movement, detransition is a reality that they're not ready to see or face or accept quite yet, so thank you.

Estella (female detransitioner): My name is Estella Suarez Hamilton. I gave an introduction already so…

Luka (female detransitioner): My name is Luka Hein and I transitioned as a minor at 16 and de-transitioned around six months ago when I was 20.

Laura (female detransitioner): Hey everyone. My name is Laura Becker. I was in the documentary. My hair was looking a little messed up at the time, I had dyed it too many home dyes, pink—thank you—for a little while it was—so yeah, some of you may know me from Twitter, Funk God artist, and I designed some of the Detrans Awareness hats and shirts that some people might be wearing so that's what you may know me from.

Chloe (female detransitioner): I'm Chloe Cole and I'm somebody who also transitioned as a minor between the ages of 12 to 16. And I've been speaking out about my experience for not much longer than a year now, since I was 17.

Shape: I guess I should tell a little more about my story since everybody has. I transitioned in my early 20s as well, the first time I ever got any kind of mental health help was when I went to Fenway House in Boston and they completely ignored my internalized homophobia, other comorbidities, and affirmed me, like there was no pushback. I got on estrogen pretty easily, but my mental health declined after that, but I attributed it to being in a “wrong body,” so unfortunately I got cleared for the sex assignment surgery. That deteriorated my mental health even further. I have complications after multiple revisions. I have urinary tract infections every month, that's why I was going to the bathroom like a million times. I am unable to have sex, I have osteoporosis, I haven't been able to get any help really from endocrinologists or even surgeons to reverse this. This is all one giant experiment I fell into when I was very vulnerable and not in a good emotional place. I definitely got sold lies and “hardware fixes” for my “software issues” that actually never went away. And my biggest push for transition was internalized homophobia, I just didn't want to be gay, because I was brainwashed from very young age that gay is bad and sinful, so the minute I realized I could escape my homosexuality, I latched onto the idea that I'm a woman, but I realized that none of those transitions solved any of my mental issues, in fact it made it worse, thank you

Panel moderator: Okay, does anybody have a question?

Audience member: Hi. Thank you all for being here, you're all very brave, and I probably follow mostly on Twitter or something. I think like a lot of parents whose kid is in this ideology, fortunately, my daughter so far has not said she wants to medicalize, but I can see just socially things sort of upping, which scares the hell out of me, because she'll be 18 next year, so I'm wondering if you guys had seen this documentary when you were 17 would it influence you [several panelists shake their head no] or is there anything that you would say to somebody at 17 who's in the grip that you like would help them like, you know, for body acceptance or whatever it would be, I would love to hear.

Estella: Yes, if I saw this documentary it would have made a difference. There are some people that are stubborn and very hard-headed and I was one of them, especially when you're 19, you think you know everything. If somebody says “oh you're gonna get menopause,” “oh I don't care,” you know, because you don't know what that means. The more information people get I think from first-hand, it makes a difference. I remember—and I said this prior to when we sat down—I didn't get top surgery. I was on testosterone for over seven years, and I was socially trans before that, and then a little bit after that, but I never went for top surgery. Specifically I can remember I watched a testimony of somebody who was transgender, they were a transman, so they were a female, and explaining that they had done all this surgery, and all this hormones, and everything, and it still—they were feeling like it wasn't resolving anything. And I remember he was this big buff bodybuilding guy and I was thinking “oh he's so beautiful I want to be like that” and he was like “don't do it, it will not fix your dysphoria” and so that gave me enough to just hold back, hold back. When I came to Los Angeles, there was no gatekeeping. I went to a very popular trans clinic down the street from here, and I was new in town. It was my first time going and talking to them, and they had an interview with me and like a car dealership, you get a packet of papers and you're good to go, like they have everything. But because I had seen the testimony, I thought “well let me just give myself some more time to think,” and the more you read about long-term and the more you talk about these surgeries and how they affect you in the end, the more you realize “well this is maybe not the most creative solution and this is probably not the most healthy solution,” so that's—I think it would make a difference, I think that absolutely this this film is a snapshot into history, and a good opportunity for people to get a different perspective. Especially because it's going from a leftist view too, so it's very nice to be able to digest that.

Brian: When I first transitioned, or started to, I specifically remember I saw the testimony of a man named Walter Heyer, he's an elderly man who I believe did in fact have the vaginoplasty and it didn't stop me. Thankfully, I never had that done, but I was well aware of it. But I was in a very delusional and ideological mindset, so I really don't think seeing this would have stopped me, I really don't. But I would have just told my former self to be careful what you wish for and don't rush into anything, because changing your gender it's not like you know, shaving your head, or you know, something like that, it's very difficult to undo and the further you go, the harder and harder…

Rachel: One thing for me, in female social circles, I definitely felt like I got “cool points” for it and I was already in my 20s, and it's got to be ten times that when you're in high school, so I feel like almost anything you would say would just fuel it even more, because it's like “oh this is something you're not allowed to do,” and it's kind of risky, so that's more exciting. And I don't know if this would help, but one of the biggest reasons I detransitioned was because I realized I felt affirmed in my identity as a “man” when I was with my female friend group, but then as you get more and more masculine, they don't see you as a woman anymore, and your brain does literally change, like there is something different with the hormones, so any kind of feelings of belonging she gets like within her current social circle, just basically imagine losing all those female friend groups, because once you look like a man, it doesn't really work the same. So like I don't know, I'm not really even sure how to explain that to a kid, but like “would you do this if you were completely alone by yourself without the affirmation of all your friends?” And she'd probably say “yeah sure I would,” but people tend to socialize in gendered groups, so just imagine if she can't socialize with her current friends, because of the way that they see her as, like, a man, later on. I don’t know how better to describe that.

Chloe: So, I'm 18 now, I'm a legal adult and as many of you know, I travel around the country talking about this subject. And there's still a lot of things that I can't do legally, like I still can't buy marijuana, or nicotine products, or alcohol. I can't rent a car. I can't even rent a hotel room. Because I'm under the age of 21. And yet, at 13, I was allowed to make the decision to change my sex. But I really don't think that 18 is just some magical age where all of a sudden you're capable of, maybe legally doing something, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you really fully understand what you're doing. I mean, the estimate right now is that most people's brain development finishes at around the age of 25, and it's probably much later for a lot of other people. But brain development aside, there's still a lot of things that people at the age of 18, at the age of 25, and even beyond, don't know about the world. When you're young, you don't really have a lot of knowledge or experience having to do with the world, and I was lucky to find out that I wanted to have kids at the age of 16, and to stop transitioning then, but not a lot of women figure that out until much later now.

Luka: I think particularly when you have a child going into this and you're worried about them heading down the path of medicalization, every situation is different, but presenting a different perspective, I feel like, couldn't hurt. They may not listen, because young people tend to be rather stubborn, but it couldn't hurt. And you know your kid doesn't stop being your child when they reach 18. You still need to be there, and let your concerns be known, with care, and compassion, and a genuine concern for their health and well-being. Keeping that line of communication open, to be that safe adult for your child, even when your child is an adult, is something that young adults still need, everyone needs, to a certain extent. And there's gonna be young people who maybe didn't transition and they reach 18, and rush into stuff, but I don't think it's acceptable to give up on them just because they maybe won't listen or they're hard-headed. If anything, that's when you need to be more compassionate and really keep that line of communication open, because they deserve for you to keep trying.

Laura: Yes, so I think that this documentary definitely would have impacted my perceptions, because although I had a lot of magical thinking, was naive, very stubborn, I was also very overwhelmed and we all started to know the kind of common wisdom “kids need structure.” Everyone needs structure, we need to order chaos, because things are very overwhelming. And I was overwhelmed, that's a lot of what passive suicidal ideation is—just being overwhelmed and your brain goes to this solution, this fantasy solution of escape, so it can deal with it at that moment, and transition is very similar, the transition fantasy. So I think I really was hungering to be helped. I was very alone, from peers and family, and I really wanted a safe adult to really sit down with me and listen to everything, and tell me that they knew how to help. Not in a pushy way, or in a controlling way, but in a way that allowed me to feel like myself, and I just never really got that, because my parents, by the point when I was 19, when I transitioned, they were exhausted, and they were not very equipped to deal with it, and there was some abuse as well, to me, psychologically. So they just kind of did emotionally sort of “give up,” and because I was so stubborn, they said “okay.” And the thing is you know, you just kind of get used to people not seemingly really understanding you, you know. Teachers didn't understand, therapists just—low quality, low, shallow, shallow understanding and so they'll say “yeah you're valid” or like “sure you can, are you sure you want to do it? Yeah okay, you know, maybe it'll help, because you're already so f-cked up, you're already so mentally ill anyway,” so they were very desperate too, my parents. But I was suicidal and had unprocessed trauma—PTSD—so, definitely keeping that connection, I know it's very difficult, but still listening and still being there, and not giving up is this inevitable outcome that “this person is just going to be messed up and they're disabled and they're mentally ill and that's their identity” and trying not to see your child as broken, because I saw myself as a broken human being that didn't deserve love or was capable of achieving happiness, so of course you're going to go to desperate measures, like surgical interventions. So I would say this documentary would have really been a relief to me, because it just provided so many calming, intelligent, rational adults that are experts in the field, they know what they're talking about. It just would have relieved my existential anxiety and overwhelm to know that there is an alternative because I thought that there wasn't. I thought it was either “I'm inevitably going to kill myself and I don't want to live anymore as myself,” or “if I transition maybe that'll help I'm doubtful about it, pretty hopeless, maybe it'll help.” I didn't realize until several years too late, I mean too late in a short-term sense, for the surgery and hormones, that there were alternative pathways, and so I have been able to cure my gender dysphoria and treat my suicidal ideation and PTSD, still working on that one, that one takes some time, but yeah, thank you.

Shape: Yeah, this definitely would have helped me. A lot of things did resonate with me, specifically how autistic people think “black and white.” I didn't feel like I could have existed on a spectrum of a gender while being a biological male. Also the way that's like, I really got obsessed with transition when I found out that it was a “possibility,” so it kind of clouded my entire judgment. Also it's the first time I've heard how dysphoria shifts, so you fix kind of like one part of your body and then you get obsessed over another part, and that actually never went away—I'm still obsessing and experiencing body dysmorphia. Yes, it would have definitely helped me, because at the time I didn't know that many trans people, and definitely didn't know anything about detransitioners, I've heard a little bit, but all the stories were like “well those people were never trans on the first place,” you know, the same things they're telling me right now, so it's a very important documentary, it was pretty well balanced, I'm glad it was not really a radical documentary, it was very factual, so I think that it could help a lot of people.

Luka: I also just wanted to add that when it comes to a parent talking to their child about this, regardless of the age of the child, or anyone in general really, it's important to remember that only telling someone “yes” and telling someone “yes, you're valid” and only affirming them and only saying “yes” is not an act of love. That's not what love is. Love is not giving in to every whim and only saying “yes.” Love is putting up those boundaries and saying “no,” and having to keep someone safe, even when they might be upset at you for it, because only saying “yes,” and only going down one path, and only affirming, isn't love, it's enabling, and I feel like that's just something that parents need to understand with this.

Panel moderator: Thank you, we're going to have another question.

Audience member: Sometimes clinicians tell parents that if you insist too much, if you try to show your children a different reality, they will dig their heels in even further. [Some panelists nod.] What is the difference between the things that do that, versus the things that you think can actually bring on a shift in understanding?

Rachel: I think it's tricky, because I feel like I had to actually, unfortunately, transition to be grounded back in reality, because you’re told all these things—the thing with transition is it's sold as this magic cure, like the snake oil to cure anything, because we don't really understand what gender is anyways, and we haven't really done this experiment culturally. There are a couple people who did it, like, way early in the 1900s, like a handful of people, but it was out of reach for most people until medical science today, so there's this huge placebo effect, and when people have these different mental illnesses, we don't really know a lot of time how to solve them, but the thing is, the power of belief works really well, and transition, there's like this whole “gender euphoria” thing with testosterone, it is very euphoric. How do you bring people back to reality without them having to actually go through it? I think, and this is the tricky thing, I think that's why we're gathered here, is that we don't really hear the downsides of transition, right, we only hear about “oh, this is this euphoric thing that's gonna be life-changing, affirming, it’s going to be this person's real authentic self, and it makes us all good people for affirming, you know these trans kids because you know we have to save them from themselves from suicide.” I don't know, I think just sharing stories of like people who have gone through transition who were, or maybe still identify as trans, but found “hey, like there are some issues with this and there are other ways we can deal with this,” whether that's recognizing there's maybe autism, maybe there's internalized homophobia, there's other kinds of traumas, I think just people being more aware that there's this other side of transition that isn't the the “rosy” side of transition.

Estella: To understand your question, like “how do you avoid them from being you know upset that you're showing them the the other way,” and I remember the mindset that I was in at 19, at the time, I came out on social media because I knew that my parents would give me pushback and I just wanted to just spring it on them and just not give them any chance to have any kind of push back to me. So I remember my mother telling me “You'll never be able to fully get a penis! You'll never be able to impregnate a woman!” all these different things that were logical arguments and I was just like “No no, Buck Angel has a penis!” you know, all these different things, and I just wanted her to hear me, I just wanted her to hear what I thought was going to be a good idea, and I think that maybe a good solution would be “Okay, well, if you want to show me your resources or propaganda or whatever, then I would like you to watch some resources that are from my side” and then that way they could feel listened to and you could see what they're actually looking at and then give them an opportunity “Okay we watched it now please would you watch this documentary with me, or would you read some of the side effects and we'll go in and see ‘Do you know what a cyst is?’ ‘Do you know where those come from?’ ‘So here are all these different side effects.’ ‘What does atrophy mean?’ ‘When a woman goes through atrophy, is it just their uterus or is it their bladder? And all the muscles that are along with that?’” because that's something I didn't know until probably about a year ago, and I'm 27, and I should have been—a doctor should have sat down and talked to me about those, but that never happened, so if you had like a little “give and take” maybe that would be helpful, that's the best solution I can think of right now, in this moment.

Luka: I think it also is, you know, it's somewhat inevitable that when you give pushback, sometimes these kids are going to be upset. It is natural in child development for each age group, is there are boundaries, and it is very natural for kids to push against those boundaries in a healthy way, and it is the job of the adults to make sure that those boundaries are still maintained and that the kid can express that pushback in a healthy way. It's unfortunate with this issue that we've seemingly, as a society, not only we just removed the boundary to push against, but put a medical system there in place. But sometimes when you push back, they're gonna be upset, and they're gonna need a space to really express that, because you know when they are upset, that is an emotion that they are having regardless of if, you know, as an adult, you feel like maybe the reason is stupid, or they're overreacting. To that child, that's a very real experience, that they are very upset about this. And whether that be that they just need some space to go blow off some steam, or they need you to be there as a compassionate adult to explain to them why you did what you did, or they just need someone to listen, it is still a parent or adult's job to do that with a sense of care, because you know you can't force someone to realize things, but you can be there, and you can be there in the best way that that kid needs. And that's going to be different for every kid, and some of them are just, they're gonna be stubborn, they're gonna be upset for long periods of time, but I think just for this issue, we can't just throw out that responsibility that even if a kid is upset, as long as you are doing what you're doing with care, and they are able to process that emotion of being upset, that that is still a good thing, because you know the parents have a lot of emotions in this and they deserve a space to process those as well. The kids are going to have a lot of emotions, and we really have seemingly taken away that space that they need to process those to come to the realization that maybe you know “hey maybe my mom isn't pushing back because she's hateful, maybe she's concerned” or you know the parent being “maybe my kid isn't acting out because you know I told them ‘no’ but maybe they're acting out because there is a deeper issue there and they are crying out for help.”

Laura: Yes, that's exactly what I was thinking. I just wanted to add on to the idea of boundaries. What I often tell parents is, you know, this isn't palatable to hear, but the reality is that whether you tiptoe around—I've known parents that tiptoe around every little thing and they're walking on eggshells all of the time and it's extremely stressful—and I know parents who just get right up in there and take charge and say “no I'm the parent and I'm doing this” and I've known both sort of methods being taken and it is up to the individual parenting style, and the relationship you have with the child, but the reality is that as Lukas said, pushing back against authority and against parental wisdom is natural, normal, and even healthy. It can be an opportunity to further develop the relationship, because a child needs to learn how to manage their emotions. They need to learn how to take “no” for an answer, they need to learn how to look critically at other people's perspectives, and so it's very difficult. But repair is the other side to preserving a relationship. There will be conflicts, sometimes severe conflicts and damage will be done to the relationship, and so I think a lot of parents are focused so much on not damaging the relationship, which is understandable, but once it is damaged, I think that's when a lot of people might get into a really worse situation than if they had focused more on just the long run, you know, each little incident or confrontation is a smaller battle in a longer war, a war of preserving a relationship and having just a healthy life for everyone involved. I think focusing on “how do you repair” learning how to repair with your child is going to be critical, because it might be a very long period of time where they're processing things and if you act resentfully towards them, or bitter, or start punishing them, overly criticizing them. This is a more severe version of what may happen, but I had a parent who would verbally abuse me and gaslight me about it, and you know, I understand that they were angry and they were emotionally dysregulated, and that shouldn't have happened, but once it did happen, there was another opportunity there, the real work could have lied in the repair, that they had an opportunity to repair their relationship and further understand my perspective, but instead of doing that, they would gaslight me about it, and say that it was my fault, and say that never happened and that they did nothing wrong and in fact, I was, you know, punishing them or being a b-tch to them, you know, it was like very manipulative, that really damaged me, to feel it was all my fault, no matter what I did. Any emotion I had was unacceptable, and so whether it's arising to the level of like verbal abuse, or just—it's a spectrum of behaviors—but being able to repair and to acknowledge, you know, “I understand that this is painful for you” and not adding a “but” into it or like “but I feel this way” or like “but you're not listening” or like “you're so difficult, you're so difficult to deal with” you know, something I've heard a lot.

[cont] Really listening, and allowing them space so that they can start to trust you again, because the more you push when there's already been a damage a fracture to the relationship, the further and further away they're going to get, and then you might try to cling on even more, they're going to keep going. So it is inevitable that there will be damage, and I do think it's more prudent in the long term to think about the bigger picture of the relationship, and you may even lose what many people consider to be the biggest battle of all, which is when they get testosterone, when they get a prescription for hormones, when they get surgery, when they become an adult and they do something permanent, the reality is that even that is only a battle in the long-term war. There is life after the surgeries, obviously none of us advise doing it, but I think a lot of parents are so focused on just preventing that surgical outcome that they may lose sight of other ways to better the relationship, and once gender is over, what if they what if they forget about gender, what if you forget about gender, what what would that even be like? Are you consuming so much of your life based around that? Is there anything else in your marriage but just talking about the kids' gender problems, for example. And I'm not criticizing anyone, but I feel, you know, think about the long term, and things come and go, you know.

Shape: I'll be quick, I feel like one thing I've learned being in trans and detrans community, a lot of us have childhood trauma and if your kid thinks that they may be trans, maybe there's some trauma you don't know about, maybe you failed to protect them from predators, maybe you're the source of the trauma, because a lot of parents have been traumatized as kids themselves so they have all those personality disorders that they kind of transfer to their kids, so sometimes you need to look at yourself as well before communicating better with your child. Also unfortunately right now a lot of trans activists such as Jeffrey Marsh are teaching children online that they should go “no contact” with their parents if parents try to push back on transgender identity, which is completely crazy. It's pretty much emotionally manipulating parents to agree to support their transition, which sucks.

Chloe: Right. I mean, I agree that as a parent there are going to be some things that you'll have to do for your child that you may not necessarily want to, that they may not necessarily want, or that might not be the best for your relationship in the short term, and for a lot of parents this does involve taking away all Internet devices like their computers, iPads, phones, whatever else might give them internet access, and I think in most cases this is a good approach, but I think that if you're going to take something away, you have to replace it with something. A lot of these kids, the problem is a lot of them are addicted to the internet, because they were introduced to at a young age, and these devices are very stimulating, and for a lot of kids, especially kids who may not necessarily have a lot of friends at school, it can give them a sense of community online, but I really don't think that the internet and technology in general is really appropriate developmentally for most kids and teens, and a lot of these kids, they don't feel like they really belong to any communities in person, they don't really have any friends at school, a lot of them are bullied, many of them aren't really active in clubs, or sports, or extracurricular programs. If you're going to take away this one big thing from them, you have to replace it with I think one of those, which they should be in already.

Brian: Yeah, just real quick, I think one of the things that would have helped me in the beginning was if I had just gotten out of my woke echo chamber at my college, like if I had someone took me surfing, or gone dirt biking, gotten into some kind of rigorous exercise, I think that would have really helped, but yeah it's true. My psychologist, when my dad wasn't down with it, she was like “eh, you just won't have a father anymore” and I cut him out of my life for many years and I regret that now but, you know, had I just gone camping with my dad a couple times, or just listened to—I mean once I started listening to—it's really corny, but I started—I listened—there was two podcasts with Joe Rogan that I listened to as a trans, I was like “no no no, I'm still a man, I like man things,” and you know, not that women can't like, you know, MMA fights and, you know, certain things, but, you know it really realized that, and being sober, I was like “I made a huge mistake,” and yeah, take your kids out in nature.

[Time is reached, panel ends. Panel moderator thanks panelists, and informs the audience about current bills being considered in the legislature.]

[corporatenpc]

Dear Diary, my corporate angst bullshit has a body count

Log 001 - Feb. 7, 2023

Today I sat at my desk and did nothing the entire day. Not because there isn't anything to do, but because there's a ton to do but everything has been held up on purpose by The Parent Company.

Sure, go ahead, add more processes to my job. Keep adding them. Doesn't stop money from being wasted but go ahead and make my life harder.

This week I've been sworn at, had things demanded of me that I'm not able to provide, treated coldly, walked away from in the middle of my sentence, and it's only Wednesday.

One of my underlings brought up in the most roundabout way they could muster to me after work today that they noticed that our department in particular appear to always be silent and working while everyone else surrounding us actually seem to enjoy talking with each other.

They probably thinks other departments are happy and they're having a much better time at work than we are, but the problem is much more pervasive. After so much time here I've learned that a lot of things aren't as simple as they seem. Things seem to live on a delicate balance of facades and good luck. None of which are particularly stable factors to rest your career on.

As someone that oversees this underling, I'm limited in what I'm allowed to comment on. Did I want to tell them that that other department seems relaxed because they're not motivated to work? And that the source of the lack of motivation stems from the lack of compensation from the last year end? And the lack of compensation comes from the apparently poor performance of their department as a whole as assessed by The Parent Company? And that the reason their assessment was so poor is because their boss is a completely incompetent nincompoop? That pushes the blame to their own department and take the six figure salary for themselves?

Said Nincompoop who likes to overstep and yell and swear at me on a now weekly basis?

Tried to make conversation with the office witch today and all I got was the signal that they wanted me to go away. Fair enough, what was I expecting from a witch? Didn't want me to leave them alone when they were trying to use me to spy on their own direct reports though. Didn't seem all that repulsed by me when I had gossip they wanted to know about. This is the kind of witch that would die and melt into the carpet at this company but won't do it without taking everyone else down with them.

Everyone disappeared for two hour long lunches, yet those very people are the ones that like to turn around and nitpick when other people take a lunch longer than 30 minutes. Funny.

The person I'd thought was my friend at this office, the one I'd braved the rocky beginnings of a new project with for the better part of the last year has shown me their true colors time and time again yet I keep falling for the facade each time. I'm but a person. Said "friend" literally walked away from me in the middle of my sentence a couple days ago. They love to come running to me to vent, complain, talk about non-work related things, share random things they buy, yet when I try to reciprocate and share, I'm met with straight up ignorance or disinterest. Didn't realize how one sided this truly was until they pretended to see someone they needed to talk to and left while I was saying something. Bitch.

Can't wait for another day of this tomorrow. Can't wait for another day of being thought of less than human and treated as some sort of outsider for doing my job. Sorry I don't enjoy chatting about hair and makeup, and sorry I won't date you because you're not a good person, sorry I'm trying to keep things organized while you're all actively trying to make things muddy so it's easier to push the blame. Sorry for it all I guess.

2/10 terrible day

[aelita-kitsune]

The orange flower and butterfly hashira

So this is a demon slayer and haikyuu crossover so please bear with me on this especially since I'm not very good with beginnings hope you enjoy

********************************************

backstory time:

Little shoyo about 10- year old was walking on the snow to sell charcoal so he can help provide his family, "shoyo" his mother called "yes" replied shoyo "please be careful you should take some rest" " okay just I have to sell this charcoal and I'll get back" " shoyo" said his little sister natsu who came hurriedly to them " please take me with you onii-Chan" she said " sorry natsu but you can't" said their mother "why" " because you might get tired of walking and then your brother would have to carry you" " its okay natsu you can come with me when your a bit older" said shoyo " okay" said natsu.

With that shoyo went of to sell the charcoal to the villagers " hello shoyo" said one of the villagers greeting him "hello there" replied shoyo "hey shoyo, could you give us some coal" said another villager "sure" he replied so he spent the day giving out charcoal and helping everyone.

Soon it was night and shoyo was running hurriedly to go back to his home " hey" he heard someone yell and looked to see it was one of the villagers " yes" replied hinata going closer to him " you shouldn't be out here demons might come and kill you" " what are you talking about" said hinata " the demons come out at night they might kill you as they also killed my family"

Out of words hinata ran back to his house thinking " no no no no no I need to go back quick before my family is killed" soon he reached his house but the he saw a demon and his family all dead with blood splattered " oh there's another meal" said the demon hinata was scared he then ran away from the demon while the demon was chasing him until a sword appeared and killed the demon.

He looked up to see a very nice lady with beautiful eyes

" ara ara~ are you okay little boy" she asked " I-" hinata began while trying to hold back teers " the demon killed my family" he said all of a sudden she wrapped her arms around him pulling him into a hug " there there let it all out" she said with a soft and sad voice and with that hinata cried clenching onto her.

When hinata calmed down the women asked " what's your name" " hinata shoyo" he replied " you have such a pretty name ara ara~ my name is kanae kocho" " you have a pretty name too" said shoyo

Kanae then asked " do you want to become a demon slayer?" " what's that" hinata asked confused " its an organization where we kill demons that dare to hurt humans" after hearing that hinata quickly said yes and with that kanae takes hinata to the butterfly estate and hinata met shinobu and kanao he is like 3 years older than her and aoi he is just a year older than her ad he managed to have a happy life with his new family also visiting his parents grave once in a while giving some flowers on there grave.

------------------------------------------------------------

onto the real story:

Hinata was sleeping soundly until he heard an annoying beeping noise it was the sound of his alarm clock as hinata gotten out of bed he checked the time and it was 6:20 that when hinata realized he was late for school. He hurriedly gotten dressed and quickly got out of his house ( yes shinobu and kanae bought him a house to stay in) locking the door behind him he was running until he found his best friend/lover waiting for him " oi boke why are you late" " I am not late kageyama" "yeah sure" kageyama said with a non-believing tone.

now the two boys are racing each other to the gym " ha I win bakayama" shouted hinata breathless from the running "I will win next time boke" said kaGAYama "it means you get to buy me meat buns" said hinata happily and with that both of them entered the gym meeting with the team and going to morning practice.

( Time skip: brought to you by school being boring as ever)

So when they finished their classes it was their afternoon practice and hinata was happy for it that he screamed " kageyama toss to me" " ok" said kaGAYama but when hinata was running to spike the ball he bumped it to someone " oi shrimp what where your going" someone said as he looked up he saw it was tsukkishima his second lover.

Hinata blushed "it's not my fault" he said standing up " yeah right shrimp" " tsukki don't be mean to hinata" then both of them looked to the green haired boy who his name is yamaguchi hinata third lover ( for those who think they are all dating then no they're not it's Just for introduction for the people who didn't or skipped reading the prologue and hinata's description in the first two parts) then they all went to practice volleyball.

After 1 hour of practice they took a break while hinata and kageyama went to get some meat buns while they were walking hinata saw a black crow nearby " hey bakayama" "yes" " could you go get the meat buns while I call my dad" " sure" hinata then went to an alleyway he checked to see if anyone was there and thank goodness there wasn't anyone there, hinata then reached his arm upward as the crow came to sit on his arm " what is it kurugai" he asked the crow " there has been sightings of demons around your school * caw caw * there are three marechis in your school find them and protect them * caw caw*" the crow said while also holding his sword.

"Kurugai keep my sword and put it in my house" the crow nodded and with that he went flying to hinata's house, and with that hinata went back to kageyama who has already bought the meat buns " what took you so long boke" " I told you I was calling my dad" " yeah right" then they headed back to the gym since the break was almost over, as their afternoon practice went on and hinata was on edge because of the demons and the sun was starting to set, which means the demons were starting to come out and finally at 5:20 the afternoon practice was over and thank goodness the sun still hasn't set down fully.

Kageyama who noticed how hinata was on edge ever since he came back from the call from his 'dad' so he asked hinata " oi boke let's stay and practice a bit more" " sorry kageyama but I have to go home since there's a problem with my family maybe next time" kageyama stared in shock it was the first time hinata ever declined something that had to do with volleyball " ok" he answered trying to hide the questioning tone he had, and in the shadows tsukkishima and Yamaguchi were there overhearing ( they were actually eavesdropping on them ) the conversation " do you think there is something wrong with hinata" Yamaguchi asked tsukkishima curiosity filled his tone " I don't know it's depends on the shrimp since today he has Ben acting on edge lately" tsukkishima answered Yamaguchi still trying to figure out what's going on with him " hey hinata are you okay" asked the third year with silver hair to hinata" yes I am fine Suga-San" " ok but if there is anything you wrong you can talk to us" " ok".

Next thing you know they were all walking back home when hinata came home he saw his sword and uniform then he got dressed up in his demon slayer uniform and took his sword and went out through the window ready to kill any Demons on sight.

***********************************************

whoever reads this i hope you enjoy and be entertained by this

[junglxqueen]

The Verstappen Devil [03]

In which you get the most important people in her life. A/N: Imagine this whole conversation in the whole chapter is in german.

When I met Mick I just was a little kid (Somewhere around 8 or 10).  It was a wednesday, I think, and my father had a driver’s meeting. He dropped me off at the building’s daycare and who was there? An annoying blonde kid (at the time I considered him annoying because he wouldn’t leave me alone but now that I think about it, he was just a sweet kid that wanted to make friends).

I have to admit, I didn’t start with a good foot. Instead I fought him for every little thing that he did. I even made him cry telling him that he was adopted (I had a really bad day and I took it out with him, I still feel bad about it).  At the end, after what seemed like 5 minutes of him crying non-stop I felt guilty and I went to apologize to him. Quickly we made up and when we started talking we realized we both had a lot in common: We both had parents that drove super fast cars for a living, we both liked cars and we really enjoyed watching scooby-doo. We were like twin siblings separated at birth!

Since that moment we didn’t stop talking, we went everywhere together, we called each other on the land lines and talked for hours, we did everything together, we were like attached to the hips. His father welcomed me to his home with open arms, I considered his family like mine and my family? Well, I’ll say they liked him more than me.

Ten years pass by and our friendship is still going strong. We even moved in together last summer when I found out that I was going to be racing in F1.

Why keep separated apartments if we aren’t going to be home most of the time? It’s just a waste of money and we could get a better place if we unified our funds. Also, even before we moved in together we spent most of our free time with each other, so it seemed like a no-brainer for us.

His family didn’t have a problem but I think Seb was a little annoyed with the idea of me moving out. Hanna (God bless her) ended up convincing him that I was old enough and it was time for him to let go and for me to “open my wings”.

So he gave in to the idea, not without making us promise that we would keep a day of the week to have a meal all together. “To keep the family alive, and for the old times” he said (I think he just was scared of losing us).

And that day was today, Monday. Normally we would have dinner together and maybe play some games or watch movies. Today we had a little competition of who had the best pizza. It was Hanna and Seb against us. Theirs was excellent, maybe Seb’s was missing a little bit of salt but Hanna’s was great. Ours on the other hand… not so good. Mick’s was sweet (he confused the salt with the sugar), and I forgot mine in the oven so it was a little bit… crispy let’s say.  We definitely used much more cutlery than what we had to. So Mick and I stayed cleaning the dishes while they put the kids to sleep.

After a while we all went to the living room and sat on the sofa as Mick brought a bottle of champagne with glasses.

“Champagne?” I asked surprised as he sat next to me on the sofa for two. He smiled at me excitedly as he opened the bottle.

“Yes Schatz, because today we are celebrating!” Mick answered as he poured the liquids into the cups. Hanna let out an excited cheer and applauded. He gave us the glasses and Seb stood up with the cup in hand. Mick placed his arm on my shoulders and I curled on his side with my head on his shoulder and cup on my hand, ready to listen to my dad’s words.

He kept quiet for a second, thinking, before clearing his throat and placing his eyes on mine. 

“Yesterday was an extremely important day for you Y/N. Not only was your first race in Formula 1, which alone is already a huge accomplishment, but also you made your first points for your team. And that is amazing! I still maintain my word that that was too risky tho” He narrowed his eyes, to which I rolled my eyes with a smile and Hanna slapped his side as a ‘not now���.  “Moving from that, I have to admit that it wasn’t a surprise. I don’t think it was a surprise for any of us” He looked at Hanna and Mick and they denied with their heads. I look at them feeling my eyes get glossy and the warmth in my heart. “You see?” He looked back at me as I fought to keep my tears in place.  “What you did yesterday was incredible and we all knew that you could do it. And you have no idea how much I screamed when I saw you cross that line”

 I had, I had an idea actually. He doesn't know but had his radio on and the whole world could hear his excited screams of “That’s my little girl” or "I knew it! I knew that she could do it!" and I'm not planning on telling him neither. When I heard his voice I cried so much and I saved those audios to be able to hear them later on.

 “You are my little girl Y/N and you are growing so much, it kinda makes me sad and scared but at the same time it makes me so proud to see the woman that you are becoming.” 

When I see the tears on his face I decide that there’s no point fighting mine anymore so I just let them be. Mick looks down at me and kisses the top of my head as he caresses my arm.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you, and even if you leave this all behind to become a teacher, or do anything else, or do nothing, no matter what. I’m proud of you Y/N and I’ll always be.” His voice cracks at that last phrase, so he takes a minute and clears his throat before continuing. “So, here’s a toast for yesterday, for what you’ve done. For today, for who you are, and for tomorrow, for what is to come.” 

I smile as they click their cups. I place mine on the table and I raise to hug my dad in the tightest and warmest hug that I can give him. 

“I love you so much dad.” I murmur against his chest. “I wouldn’t be who I am today If it weren’t for you. Thank you for being here, for all that you gave me, thank you.” 

He answers the hug in the same way, leaves a kiss on the top of my head and rests there for a minute. “I love you more than you do, little wiver. Who you are now is your own merit. I was just there in case you needed me and I still am.” He grabs me by my shoulders and separates me a little to be able to look at me. “Just remember…” 

“Take care of your heart”  we say at the same time and I chuckle. 

“I know dad, will do” I give him a kiss on the cheek and move on to hug Hanna, hear her words and then come back to Mick and go back to the position we were before as I drink my champagne and we spend hours talking about racing and stories from the past.

At one point I fell asleep in Mick's arms (or half-sleep, half-awake, because I could still hear their voices whispering).

“I think I’ll have to say goodbye because I'm pretty sure that Hanna has already fallen asleep,” Seb said and Mick chuckled.

“Hanna and Y/N both, she’s been out for 30 minutes now.” He answers and Dad laughs. I hear Seb wake his wife up and they both say their goodbyes.

“You need help with her?” Seb asks as he is leaving. 

“Nah, don’t worry, I’ll take her to bed.” Mick says. 

“Where would you sleep?” Oh, good question. Seb and his whole family settled at Mick’s room for the night.

 “I’ll sleep on the sofa, I’ve done it before so there’s no problem, It's really comfortable” If I was awake I’ll call him out for his lie. He hates sleeping on the sofa, he says that they are uncomfortable so he’s never done it, not in these ones at least. I hear them say goodbye and I feel him lifting me up and walking upstairs towards my room.

“Hmm” I complain when he places me on my bed and I stop feeling his warmth. 

“Shh.. Shh..” He says, covering me with the blanket. “It’s okay, you can sleep comfortably now. Goodnight Schatz.” He whispers leaving me a kiss on the forehead.

“You ain’t sleeping on the sofa” I murmured without opening my eyes as I grabbed him by his shirt . He makes a noise, surprised that I’m awake. 

“But…“ He starts and I cut him off. 

“But nothing, I won't let you sleep on the sofa. Go change and come back, you are sleeping with me“ I state as firmly as I can with my voice coated with sleep. He agrees and gets out only to come back a few minutes later, I imagine, ready to sleep. I feel the bed sink next to me and I turn around to face him.

He smiles nervously and takes something from the nightstand next to him. I look at him curiously.

“I.. brought you something for your birthday but I thought that it would be a good idea to give it to you now.” He says with his voice also coated in sleep and several tones lower (don't tell anyone I said this, but I adore that voice). He gives me a little box and I look at him surprised. 

“Mickie, you didn't have to, what for?“ I ask as I open the box and see the content under the warm dim light of the lamp on the nightstand. It’s a black braided bracelet with a circle thing in the middle. On it there’s a drawing of a sun. I smile and look at him excited.

“Umm.. so you know that you are the sun, right? or at least that's how I see you and I’m the moon. Like, those are our roles and I thought that it would be cute to have those designs on it.“ He talks nervously and fast. He shows me the identical bracelet on his wrist, just that his’ has a moon design. “You know that the moon without the sun will be nothing, like just a giant thing in the sky with no grace. Also if you touch here“ He reaches to touch my bracelet. I look at his beautiful eyes, still processing his words.

Yeah, move past that as if you didn’t just say the most heartwarming thing ever.

“My bracelet vibrates. Look.“ He shows me and indeed, his bracelet shines and vibrates. “It works the other way around too. Let me.“ He takes the gift in his hands and puts it carefully on my wrist. Then he presses his´ and mine vibrates and shines too. I look at it amazed and I look back at him when he starts to talk again.

 “I thought that it would be a good idea to give it to you now because you started racing so kinda like a congratulatory gift. Like the necklace that you gave me.” He touches the necklace on his neck and I smile remembering the day that I gave it to him.  “Racing is scary, and dangerous, and we know that and we accept it." He says quiet for a second. "But the thought that something can happen to you and I'll have to wait and depend on someone else to tell me that you are okay... it scares me to the bone. So I saw this and it seemed like the perfect gift for the occasion. Now we just have to press it…“ He presses mine and his’ vibrates, he repeats the action on his.  “to know that we are okay. I can even double tap it and it means that I love you.“ He presses his’ two times. He smiles sweetly, looking into my eyes and silence sets between us. “Say something, you are scaring me.” 

I can't do more than smile bright and bring him in, hugging him tightly by the neck as he hugs me from the waist. I was never good at words and his' just left me speechless. I laugh as I leave a kiss on his shoulders, feeling my heart melt from how amazing this guy is.

 “You dork, you just made me cry. I love it, I love it, I love it.” I lay back to look at his eyes and he smiles, delicately wiping my tears away with his thumb. 

“It wasn't my intention. I'm sorry Schatz, I´m just relieved that you like it and don't find it creepy.”

 “No! No, at all. This is perfect. You have to know that I´ll be annoying you all day with this tho.“ He laughs as he goes back to hugging me tightly.  “I’m so lucky to have you Mickie. Thank you for this, thank you for your friendship. You are amazing“ I whisper. "And you are right, this is the perfect gift."

A few minutes later and still into each other's arms, and with his words still warming my heart, the sleep starts to take in.  The last thing I remember is the feeling of his lips kissing my forehead and staying there for a minute. He says something in a whisper that I can’t understand and I make a mental note (that I’ll forget) to ask tomorrow.

Tagglist: @iamasimpingh0e @celinehdr @memeorydotcom @multifamdomfan12 @idkiwantchocolatee @isasv @marelovesf1 @teamspideyman @fictional-l0v3r @capela-miranda

[theroomofreq]

can you give me muggle jily recs pleaaseeee <3 :D

HOW MANY HIGH-QUALITY MUGGLE JILY FICS ARE THERE?? TOO MANY TO COUNT. *cracks knuckles* BUT I am here for the challenge. Jily AUs are my JAM.

Again, shoutout to our amazing @jilyarchive friends who tag every wonderful muggle jily au they come across. here is the link that will take you to their tags page. You'll find links to specific tropes and AUs :')

I've searched through my own AO3 bookmarks and history tabs, and I present to you 28 jily muggle fics that I LOVE. I am THRILLED thinking about all the good things in store for those that read these wonderful stories. This list took me ages to make because I went through and reread most of these brilliant fics. Happy reading !! xx

properly improper by @lizardcookie

“Marry me,” Mr. Potter repeats, closing the distance between them by striding back up towards the sofa, only to stop and crouch to one knee right there at her feet, looking up at her. Burning. “Pick me,” he elaborates. “Pick me, choose me, love me instead.”

- this fic is the reason why I comment the way that I do (spoiler it's because it's amazing)

The Wedding Ring by @mppmaraudergirl

What is undeniably worse than attending your sister's wedding looking as desolate and forgotten as a wilted houseplant? Drunkenly ringing your ex-boyfriend and asking him to be your date.

- SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE PERFECTION

Oh my god, they were ROOMMATES by @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world

Silly one-shot, Muggle AU with Fem!Jily as pining roommates and Marlene as their matchmaker.

- the fic that brought me back to jily and inspired my deep obsession of fem!jily

Swipe Right, Swing Left by @downn-in-flames

The unspoken rule of using dating apps in D.C. is that you always start with where you work.

James Potter, it seems, never picked up on that one.

- giddy just thinking about this gem

'Tis the Damn Season by @petalstofish

It doesn't feel like Christmas for Lily Evans, not after losing her parents to COVID before the Holiday season. She anticipates spending Christmas all alone until a boy from her past shows up and offers her a mutually benefiting deal that has her calling him 'babe' just for the weekend. 'Tis the damn season, after all.

- cries in respect for lyrical writing

Watch Me Unwind by @maraudersftw

Lily Evans hates her job, hates the bigoted customers she has to serve as a bartender at the richest club in the city. But the one person who makes bearing all of it worth it has someone else in his arms tonight. (Rated: M)

- obsessed with the way the plot jumps around the time line in this

oil be there for you by @abby10fanfic

Texting/Social Media AU: Lily and James haven't spoken for 2 years. But that's all about to change thanks to Peter and his involvement in an essential oil pyramid scheme. Featuring boss babes, toxin-free lifestyles, binding contracts, and a very oily journey.

- YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW FAB THIS IS

a matchmaking mission by @downn-in-flames

James Potter has a mission: get Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to finally admit that they both fancy the pants off each other by Valentine's Day.

His partner in crime? Lily Evans, Remus' flatmate, who he also happens to be slightly in love with

- DOUBLE the amount of pining idiots in love :")

about time by @jilyss

'sure, yeah, I can accompany you to that black tie event for your work tonight. wait. why are we on a red carpet?'

- this is my emotional comfort fic, your honor

whiskey business by @elanev91

Sirius Black has a (bad?) habit of picking up hobbies that take over his and James' flat -- this most recent one? Homemade vodka that James now has to try and peddle to everyone in the building.

- hysterical! must read!

Fashion Disaster by @maraudersftw

James Potter is roped into an awful dare by his best-mate, which involves him wearing atrocious pieces of clothing for all days until Christmas as dictated by Sirius. If this wasn't terrible enough, he now has to contend with his maddening crush on the beautiful saleswoman at the clothing store.

- classic hijinks that I live for

it wasn't a pity invite by @elanev91

Part of the December "Winter Tropes" Jily challenge. Prompt: my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and omG i’m so sorry

- awkward Christmas date that owns my heart

spice and honey by @clare-with-no-i

tagging along with her food reporter sister to profile James Potter, London's hottest young chef, is not how Lily Evans pictured her Monday going - especially if he's anything like Petunia’s described.

needless to say, she's in for a whirlwind at Chez Maraudeur.

- I'm one re-read away from printing this out and putting it on my bookshelf.

Waffle Wars by @elanev91

There's only one waffle maker in the dining hall and it literally always breaks. So, naturally, the only reasonable course of action is to meticulously map out when it's working and, ultimately, do a heist.

- the witty narration in this fic can not be matched

You Can Hear It In The Silence by @alrightginger

Lily is non-verbal and deaf in a world where the things your soulmate says about you end up written on your skin. She has known about her soulmate since she was seven, but knows they don't have a clue she exists and possibly never will.

- exquisite, cue me sobbing forever

out the window by @displayheartcode

A new family moves to Ottery St Catchpole.

- everything I could ever want in a fic, forever in my mind rent free

The Christmas Guest by @thegodmachine

An Evans Family Christmas: Petunia is bringing her fiancé and Lily is bringing her…Friend…

- petunia pov that gives me WINGS

Football, Calculus, and Cappuccinos by @moonawrites

At eighteen years old, James Potter has a lot going on. He's a rising star navigating the politics of professional football, the pitfalls of sudden fame, the fallout from choosing his dream over his father's company... and a serious crush on the red headed new barista at his favourite coffee shop.

- I'm still working my way through this fic, but trust me when I say its a GEM

if u like pina coladas by @zephyrcove

Lily is desperate for a date to Petunia's wedding, James has been pining, and their friends meddle ;)

- explain to me how characters can be so perfect via texting fics?

Shelf Awareness by @ghostofbambifanfiction

It's too far out of her way and she's wasting so much money, but Lily can't help but return to the bookstore every weekend, where her passion for good literature has, perhaps, been unexpectedly reignited by the messy-haired, pun-making, rather handsome bloke who works there.

- you absolutely must know that I binge read this and then immediately REREAD it

How to win a witch in 10 days by @adenei

“She’s going to find some unsuspecting wizard, get him to fall for her, and then do all the things that turn men away to get him to break things off! Won’t it be the best way to see what witches do that drives men crazy?” But what happens when the man in question is a blast from Lily Evans's past? A Jily Magical AU based on the romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."

- fic based off of a rom com? YES PLZ :’)

The Fight Before Christmas by @ghostofbambifanfiction

The heartwarming Christmas tale of Lily Evans and James Potter - two plucky kids who hated one other, until the day they really, really didn't.

- complete sucker for this one

All This Time by @thejilyship

James and Lily grew up next door to one another. Their bedroom windows giving them glimpses into the others life, and also offering prime opportunities to argue with each other over every little thing. They never figured out how to be friends when they were kids, but now that they've graduated from college and are home for the summer, they have a second chance to get things right.

- one of my favvvv tropes

Let Me Love You by @thejilyship

With only a month until she's set to take the throne of Gryffindor, Lily is informed that she'll have to get married or choose to give up her throne. She never thought she'd have to even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. Enter, James Potter.

- cries in princess diares AU

The Fabulous Baker Brothers by @frustratedpoetwrites

Lily walks a different route home from work and stumbles upon a cute little Bakery with an even cuter baker in the window.

- yes yes yes to embarrassed pining.

Marigold Mornings by @mppmaraudergirl

This is a fun game she thinks, as she removes her hand from his side and reaches up to run it down his chest.  He catches her hand in his own, takes a step forward so that her nose nearly brushes against his shirt. She can feel the heat radiating off of him—or maybe it’s from her. He licks his lips and her eyes are drawn to the motion.  She knows it is a bad idea, absolutely knows it.

- incredible storytelling featuring dynamic characters :') a favvv

Welcome to Pettyville by@women-inthe-sequel @alrightginger

When Lily Evans accidentally sends a text to the wrong number, she isn’t expecting to find the right person behind it. She can’t stop talking to Prongs. The only thing is, Prongs can’t stop talking about the girl in his class. What could go wrong, other than the number?

- LOVE SQUARE ANYONE

The Kiss a Stranger Project by @alrightginger

“What’s your name, then?” she asks, realizing they haven’t even properly introduced themselves yet. She nervously crosses her arms.

You shouldn’t kiss a guy without knowing his name first.

Right?

- THIS ONE WILL LIVE IN MY MIND FOREVER

[theamberwizard]

i’ve been thinking about black widow and the red room recently, as one does, and i’ve got a lot of thoughts about the effects of the red room on widows who’ve escaped. couple things, just before i begin: i would recommend having watched black widow before this because there are implied (?) spoilers, i use way too fancy language while i write and i don’t have an editor cause this is mainly to catch her off guard, so, uh, whoops sorry

trigger warnings: TW: child abuse TW: restricted eating/starving yourself TW: dehumanization TW: death of a child

so yeah, enjoy my list of 10 personal headcanons about how the red room fucks you up on all the levels.

1) black widows cannot sleep in. like, they wake up at 5:00 am every day. it’s not a physical thing, at least not as far as they know, because they can negate that by just going to bed two hours or less before 5:00 am just from their lack of sleep. if, however, they go to sleep at a fairly normal hour they will, like clockwork, wake up at 5:00. this stems from them doing it every single day of their life since they got indoctrinated in the red room. if they didn’t wake up at 5:00 am ready for more training or missions, for any reason, they would be tortured. sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. eventually, all the widows would get that message. they still can’t shake it. because of that, natasha will often refuse to go to sleep at a normal hour, trying to force her body into submission, trying to rid herself of the painful memories that accompanied sleep and waking up afterwards. only clint knows why, because each day in that vent, natasha would snap up at 4:00 am. she had to explain to him that she just wasn’t accustomed to budapest time, and that actually, it was 5:00 am in russia.

2) for months after escaping the red room, widows practically cannot eat. in the red room, they were fed mushy messes of meals, filled with only the necessary nutrients that they absolutely had to have to survive. most widows can only get down one meal, maybe even a snack if they push it, until they throw it all up. they have to slowly eat slightly more each day for weeks until they can get down a normal intake of food. even then, it’s hard to push that, and every widow relapses into throwing up in those early stages. however, this isn’t normally a problem for most widows until a couple weeks into their life with freedom. that’s about the time that they make an acquaintance, who will eventually pluck up the courage to ask them why every time said friend will eat near the widow, the widow will lean over and whisper: “careful, that’s your whole ration today and i don’t want to do extra training.”

3) each “class” of widows had an extra mentor teacher in their early red room years. this was an older widow, someone who’d been falling behind in her recent missions, and with a look that the red room deemed “motherly”. their sole purpose was to be the person each widow got attached too, the parental figure. they were nice, they were helpful, they taught many different basic techniques. then, one day, the red room would have another older widow, (one already introduced to the children as the metaphorical “bad cop” of this scenario) come in and inform the mentor that she had failed her latest mission and proceed to, in front of thirty eleven year-olds, shoot the mentor. the mentor widow would not die that day- the red room refused to waste such a weapon- but the class of up incoming widows would be informed that she had. the official purpose of this exercise was to demonstrate to both the trainees and the trainer the consequences of failing a mission. the unofficial purpose? that would be the last psychological effects the mentor’s “death” would have upon the class, making them learn what happened to attachments in the red room. the day natasha’s class experienced this was the day she cut off all contact with her sister. the day yelena experiences this is the day she first another widow- because yelena killed that mentor with her own bare hands before the informant ever finished the announcement.

4) towards the start of the red room’s history, there were several attacks on the red room. the first ever attack was from a local police station who had been getting complaints of loud wailing, and, upon further investigation, realized what they were dealing with. they brought several other police and militia groups from nearby towns. the immediate action that was taken was to throw the littlest girls they had at the attackers. it stopped the police in their tracks, obviously, because you really don’t expect to come across thirty little girls while searching through a building of highly trained assassins. the red room then sent their fully trained widows and killed everyone. including the girls. the red room then found that footage from their cameras (because of fucking course they have cameras) and then showed it to the next batch of widows, just to show them how disposable they were.

5) yelena and natasha almost caused a whole fucking mutiny within the red room just because of their names. in the red room, you see, widows do not get names. they instead are bestowed with numbers, and even those are a twisted class ranking. they all wore little name tags with the numbers on them until came natasha and yelena came in. yelena, having just seen her mother get shot, complied almost immediately and was addressed as number 42. on the other side of that coin you have natasha, who had already been in the red room and remembered every gruesome detail, and went “fuck you my name is natalia.” upon hearing of this (word gets around fast in the red room. every girl must know they are being listened to at all times, and no secrets can be kept from the red room,) yelena too announced her name to the class.

6) this was met with blanching from every child in that class, because how on earth can you be called by a word? no, they thought, we are numbers, we are weapons, we are not people and we cannot have our own words, for we are not worthy. but secretly, internally, they wished for a name. slowly, they began piecing syllables together until they formed a coherent name, and for the first time in the red room’s long history, they didn’t have weapons. not anymore. they have two full classes of human little girls. the red room officials heard of this, obviously, and took to the only method they had now. violence. the classes were rid of the named girls, yet natasha and yelena were kept alive. they were kept alive to be ostracized, to be the girl the others pointed at and said “she’s the reason all my friends died.” they were kept alive so they could watch the carnage they had unwittingly caused just by saying their own names. and the worst part? well, the worst part was when the teachers accounted for those kills, and made them top of the class. yelena will never forget the day the teachers stood her and her sister up in front of all the widows-in-traning and told them what a good job they had done, how those tactics were sure to help them graduate. i mean, you’re practically a shoo-in if they rest of your class was killed by your school.

7) the red room could never fully stop the names, and so they decided to make a system, and the names would be the highest reward. they told the young, impressionable girls that while maybe outsiders such as natasha and yelena got names at birth, you had to earn them here. if you are to become a spy, you will take on the name of you very first official alias. if, instead, you become an assassin, you will take on the name of your very first official kill. of course, in reality, the widows couldn’t actually address each other with their new earned names, and instead used “team leader” or other such titles. but it became a small comfort for them, thinking of themselves in third person, with their very own names. in some small part they weren’t fully weapons anymore, no, they were people again. natasha took on the name natalia, because in her mind that life in ohio had been her first mission, even if she hadn’t known it. yelena took on yelena as well, but in her mind that little girl in ohio who was sitting in the backseat, caring only about which song they played, that girl had to have been yelena’s first true kill.

8) the names system worked well in the red room, but when you escaped it caused some serious problems. most would have to announce themselves to the russian government, saying they had been flying under the radar their whole life and never became registered. then, they’d give a non-russian name, and their whole ruse would fall apart. unfortunately, this was the least of their problems, because many a widow would someday meet a relative of their very first kill, and when they introduced themselves as the person they had killed all those years ago, the families and friends would often figure them out.

9) one of the biggest parts of the red room’s brainwashing was their little catchphrases they used. ironically, a lot of them were eerily close to boy scout mottos- “be prepared,” an iconic scout motto, versus “there is no safety, only preparedness,” the most frequently used phrase within the red room. when widows then escaped, the most small phrase could set them off. some unknowing widows even adopted little boys in their new lives, who often became boy scouts. the ensuing misery is something you can imagine yourself.

10) after clint helped natasha to escape, she immediately died her hair blond.  clint asked why, of course, and she didn’t tell him. (what, you thought i’d have another cute clintasha moment? never.) this was partly because she hadn’t admitted it to herself, though, because natasha couldn’t remember her sister without remembering all the suffering that came with her.

11) when the widows were smaller, more susceptible to the conditioning, the red room would stage infiltrations. older widows, ones who were closer to retirement, would come in in different uniforms, sometimes the uniforms of UN officers or local police, sometimes different organizations, all different types. the most recent uniforms made yelena sick looking at them, because each time the older widows would pretend to be the avengers there would also be one pretending to be her sister. each time she saw the fake natasha she wanted to break that widow’s neck because that’s not how my sister tilts her head, you’re doing it all wrong. you should be doing it like this, you shouldn’t be doing it at all, i should be doing this, i know my sister. each time those exact thoughts went into her head, and each time all she really wanted was for her sister to be there, for natasha to do her little head tilt upon seeing yelena and take her hand and say “you’re safe now, i promise,” and for natasha to be telling the truth. the only problem was that deep down inside herself yelena knew that this could never actually happen while yelena was still in the red room, because while yelena was still in the red room she knew that she would look at natasha telling her she was safe and tell her in return that there was no safety, only preparedness, and then murder her sister in cold blood.

[sodasback]

Ex BF - Part 2

Drew Starkey x Reader

Part 1

You guys, I changed my mind, this one just works so much better as a Drew Starkey fic ...so fuck it, I’m just gonna post what I had on my deactivated blog. 

It had been months since you ran into Josh on set at Drew’s work. Luckily, Drew was only in a couple scenes for that project and he only worked on that show one more day without running into Josh. Now, you, Drew and a lot of the Outer Banks crew were all in LA again and going out to a bar.

Unfortunately for you, and everyone that night, Josh and his friends were at the same bar.

“Oh hey, it’s y/n and her movie star boyfriend, Andrew.” Josh said as he appeared next to you and drunkenly leaned an arm on your shoulder. If looks could kill, the look on Drew’s face would have for sure been the death of Josh. It was a mixture of shock and rage at the audacity of this guy. Drew was so taken aback, he didn’t know how to react.

You uncomfortably chuckled and squirmed out from under Josh’s arm to stand in front of Drew quickly, not knowing if Drew’s truly calm nature could be tested any further. “Mhmm, great to see you Josh.” You stated dismissively.

Your effort to separate them was lost as Drew instantly and easily maneuvered you behind him protectively. You turned for the bar as quickly as possible, hoping to end the situation there, so you grabbed Drew’s hand to pull him along with you.

“Aww, y/n/n, you’re not gonna stay and let me get to know your little boyfriend?”

You felt dead weight behind you as you tried to pull Drew away. 

“Bro, I’m telling you right now, back the fuck off.” Drew stated. You whirled around to get in front of him, as Josh took a step forward and titled his chin up, “Or what?”

You put your hands on Drew’s chest. He easily looked over your head to continue glaring at Josh.

“Drew” you said sternly. He glanced down at you for a second, before looking back up at Josh. Josh smirked and waited to see what Drew was gonna do. “He’s not worth it. Trust me.” You said. Drew looked down at you and softened. 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder an you wrapped both arms around his waist to walk to the bar. 

“You know, as hot as you are when you get all scary like that. I really really don’t want you getting in a fight because I have an absolutely horrible ex boyfriend.” 

You emphasized the first part of this sentence, but Drew just gave you a deadpan stare. He knew you were trying to flirt with him to get him to relax. And you knew it was too late at this point. As evolved and emotionally intelligent as Drew was, he had now entered caveman mode. Josh challenging him because of you triggered instincts deep within him to meet that challenge aka defending your honor. ...1 point toxic masculinity, 0 points non-violent female empowerment.

At this point in your life, you were happy. You had everything you wanted in your career. You had a beautiful apartment. Your family was healthy. You had the best friends you could ask for. And of course, you had Drew. Drew was the one. He was your soulmate. Your best friend. And you knew it. You didn’t feel the need to put Josh in his place any more. You just wanted to keep enjoying your life. You had time to make peace with what Josh did to you and you felt like you moved past it and him. Yeah, you felt like you were past it, you tried to convince yourself. It had been years since the incident happened and you and Josh broke up...

Flashback

You and Josh were 20 and had been on and off for a couple years. One night, you had both been out, when you started fighting, something that wasn’t new to your relationship. Josh had been flirting with another girl a lot of the night and gaslighting you to make you feel like you were imagining it. As you brought up the flirting again, he was reaching for his car keys. You were pissed that he was using this tactic again. He would leave until you calmed down and started to worry about him so much that you would just finally give in and forget the fight, instead of holding him accountable. You were so mad at him for making you feel like you were crazy and for always manipulating you by leaving. You couldn’t stop the words from coming out of your mouth, “Sure, just leave again. Fucking typical, Josh. Like father, like son, I guess.”

And before you could even process what happened, the whole right side of your face was stinging, a cut near eye was bleeding from his ring and your ears were ringing. Josh had just backhanded you hard. Time stood still for a moment as your hand went to cradle your cheek. You were absolutely shocked.

“Oh fuck. You okay?” 

You finally looked up at him with an unreadable expression on your face. “..don’t make this a big deal, okay? That was a really shitty thing to say and you just made me so mad, I couldn’t help i-” At that point, you stormed into the bedroom and locked the door. He now was faced with you being upset and maybe even losing you; he started knocking on the door and apologizing profusely after realizing your reaction. You were completely blocking out all the noise coming from the other side of the door as you tried to gather your thoughts. 

Okay, that was a really low blow. Yeah, but he HIT you.

I definitely shouldn’t have said that. But he HIT you.

Maybe I deserved it. No, he HIT you. You continued to argue with yourself.

What would you tell your y/bff’s/n if this happened to her?

What would your mom or dad tell you right now?

If he did it once, he could do it again.

...this isn’t the first time you’ve been scared of him.

...but he seems genuinely really sorry.

You opened the door to find Josh sitting on the ground leaning against the wall. He looked at you scared and hopeful, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry for what I said. It was really unfair and hurtful of me.” You stated genuinely.

Relief washed over his face for a second, “I’m so sorry baby. I swear that will never happen again.” He said, as he got up and he started to make his way to hug you. 

“Yeah, I know it will never happen again...” you held your hand out to stop him from touching you, confusion now evident in his expression, “because we’re done.”

His face dropped, expression now being somewhere between confused, angry and disappointed. Josh wasn’t used to you putting up boundaries and not letting him get away with all the shit he pulled. “Y/N-” he started. 

“No.” You said adamantly, “Frankly, I don’t care how sorry you are. I don’t care how much I pissed you off. I don’t care how much you promise that will never happen again. Our relationship was toxic before what just happened. I know I’m not perfect and I have a lot of things to work on. But I 1000% know in my bones, that I WILL NEVER let you hit me again. I deserve better. We’re done. I’m going to my parents’ house. I’m coming back tomorrow between 10 and 2 to get my stuff. Don’t be here.”

A couple months later, you had a text from an unknown number. It was Josh borrowing a friend’s phone to text you, since you blocked any way he had to contact you. He apologized. He held himself accountable. There was no deflecting or manipulating in the message and he promised he would never contact you again. You replied: “Thank you for your apology. Yes, I’d appreciate it if you don’t contact me again.”

And that was it. You ran into him briefly at the grocery store once and you had been in a really good mood. Your interaction was light and almost flirty. You felt so ashamed about it later, but you hadn’t seen or heard from Josh again until years later, with Drew on set. And little did you know, seeing you with Drew set something off in Josh that he just couldn’t let go.

-

As you stood at the bar, waiting for the bartender’s attention, you turned to see the caveman version of your gorgeous boyfriend still glaring, his fists clenching and unclenching.

“Babe.” You said and he looked at you.

“He’s got fuckin nerve.” He said shaking his head and you took a deep breath ready for the rant, “First off, called me a movie star. I am a serious actor, Y/N.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh at Drew being offended anything this asshole said and Drew’s eyes widened at you and you stifled a giggle while you laced your hands around his neck to appease him, “Mhmm” you encouraged. 

“And then he called me ‘Andrew’“ Drew went on. And you nodded and gave him a sympathetic pout, “I know, I heard.”

“And THEN, he has the AUDACITY to put his fucking arm around you?! Bro, I’m heateddddd-” He continued, barely paying attention to you as you leaned your body against his. You ignored the fact that he just called you bro and tried a different tact. 

“Drew, stop. You can’t get into a bar fight. Think about your job.”

“I don’t care about my job. I care about you.”

“That’s not true. You do care about your job. And I know you care about me. But if you get into a fight right now, it’s not gonna change what he did to me. It was a long time ago. We’re not together anymore. I’m over it. Punching him is not gonna do anything except jeopardize your future.”

Drew still had his fight face on, “Well, knocking that smirk off his fucking face would sure make me feel better.” He said and you scowled at him. “And for the record, I don’t think you’re over it. And you don’t have to be. You never have to be over it. And that doesn’t mean you aren’t fucking strong and badass.” 

You were quiet as you contemplated what Drew said. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before looking at you. “Okay” he said softly. 

 “Thank you” you said softly before you pulled him down to kiss him. After a minute of you successfully distracting him with a pretty passionate slow kiss, you felt Drew melt a little. 

“Hey, I’m sorry. Do you want to leave? Like do you not feel like being out anymore?” He asked sweetly.

“No, I’m okay. He’s just being a drunk asshole.” You turned away to grab the drinks the bartender poured for you and Drew, “We probably won’t even see him for the rest of the night.” 

You turned back and realized caveman Drew was now glaring at Josh again as you spoke, “..or not.” You rolled your eyes.

Despite the bad beginning, you and your friends ended up having fun as the night went on. And you and Drew proceeded to drink. Which was probably not the smartest decision. You were both feistier when you drank and you knew Drew’s natural state of calmness was only going to wear off as the night went on.

Eventually, you had to go to the bathroom. But you didn’t trust Josh to not instigate something with Drew while you were gone and you didn’t trust Drew to not try and avenge your honor while you were gone either. So you found Austin, Chase and JD. Chase and JD were only half-listening as they watched whatever game was on the tvs at the semi-crowded bar. 

“Guys, I need you to watch Drew while I go pee.” You said. Drew rolled his eyes and hung his head back with a groan.

“What’s the rig?” Austin asked, ironically using his favorite word as he put one arm on your shoulder and the other on Drew’s.

“Drew is trying to fight my ex-boyfriend and you need to stop him from ruining his career and/or going to jail for assault.” You looked at Drew as you finished your sentence remind him that he could get in serious trouble for getting in a fight. Drew scoffed as Austin looked to him for confirmation of what you were saying.

“He called me a movie star dude” Drew said.

“Oooff” Austin agreed that this was a major dig.

“And then he called me ‘Andrew’“

“Ahhh man” Austin commiserated, “This kid deserves to get hit for sure.”

“Austin!” You scolded, “You are not helping!”

“Bro, that’s not even half of it. Like what he did to Y/N; he deserves to get the absolute shit beat out of him, I promise you-”

“Okay, stop! We’re not discussing this. Chase, JD, you are in charge of Drew. Keep him occupied while I go pee and don’t let him ruin his entire life by getting in a stupid bar fight. And Austin, stop encouraging him and keep your mouth shut til I get back please!” You commanded, as you pushed Drew and Austin toward Chase and JD. JD gave you a salute while he put his arm around Drew’s shoulders. 

While you were gone, Drew was drunk and spilling all your business, trying to get all 3, also drunk, boys on his side. “Guys, you don’t even know. This guy is the biggest asshole.”

“Wait, is he really? Or do you just not like him because he’s y/n’s ex?” JD asked.

“No dude. First of all, he like cheated on her a bunch of times; he was super manipulative and .. he fucking hit her once dude.”

The all looked at each other, “What the fuck?!”

“Like hit her?”

“Yeahhhhhh, like physically hit her face.”

“Well you are completely justified, brother.”

“Yeah, we have your back man, whatever happens.” They all nodded and broke out of their little huddle.

“Look! No fighting!” Chase said proudly when you got back, opening up his arms.

“Good job Chase. Gold star” You said returning his quick side hug.

The group decided it was time to go to one more bar, so you all walked out the back ext into a big alley. Where, of course, Josh and his friends were smoking and noticed your crew before you noticed them.

“You think her movie star boyfriend knows what an uptight little prude she used to be?” Josh said to his friend loud enough for you to hear. You honestly didn’t even care about what Josh said, you knew he was trying to get Drew to react. And you knew even your sweet, soft Drew was not immune to anger getting the best of him. Drew stopped walking, still slightly turned away from Josh and just shook his head, not believing Josh’s audacity. 

Even though the guys had been supportive when they were talking to Drew about fighting Josh, no one actually wanted that to happen. So Austin was quickly by Drew’s side, “Don’t do it bro. It’s not worth it.”

“Drew.” You said trying, to get him to focus on you. Unfortunately, you were with a group of boys full of testosterone and Chase was also feeling feisty and protective. 

“Hey, why don’t you shut the fuck up bro” Chase said, taking a step toward Josh, but luckily a level-headed JD was immediately pushing Chase softly backward. 

“Ooh maybe, she’s not such a prude anymore. Maybe she’s sleeping with the whole cast; they’re all so protective of her.” Josh laughed.

“Josh stop! What the fuck is wrong with you?” You yelled at him. And Drew was instantly moving in front of you, “You need to stop talking right now man.” Drew said in a tone that made the hair on your arms stand up. You could feel the tension rolling off Drew.

“Drew calm down. Please.” You pleaded as he looked down at you.

“Y/n, I can’t let him talk about you that way.”

“He’s trying to get under your skin. That’s what he wants.”

“Yeah, well it’s fucking working.”

“Drew, come on. Let’s just go home.” He began to give in as you pulled his arm. 

Josh was obviously determined for a fight, because the next thing that came out of his mouth made it impossible for anyone to stop Drew.

“Hey good luck with y/n, man. I treated her like trash for years and she still came running back to me, bitch has got issu-” And before he could utter another word, Drew’s fist connected with his jaw. 

“Fuck.” You cursed as your hands went through your hair and you backed up between Austin, Chase and JD.

Josh recovered and hit Drew in the eye. 

You gasped. Turning into JD’s chest and he protectively wrapped his arms around you. Drew hit Josh again and he fell to the ground. Drew bent over him and punched him again. “Don’t you ever fucking talk about her again!” He yelled through gritted teeth, “Don’t look at her again. And if you EVER touch her again, I swear to God-” he spat in between a few more punches. 

“Drew! Please!” You yelled and finally Austin pulled him back. “That’s enough, bro.” 

“Come on” JD still had his arms around you, walking you away from everything. 

Drew was breathing heavy and trying to overcome his adrenaline. You and JD were already around the corner with most of the group. 

“Come on, let’s go” Chase ushered Drew away with Austin. And they followed in the same direction. Drew saw you walking ahead of him. 

“Y/N�� he called after you softly. You stopped and turned around. He was already right there enveloping you in his arms. 

“Fuck y/n. I’m so sorry.” He muttered kissing the top of your head. You just kept holding each other while the group called Ubers. 

You pulled away from him a little, “Are you okay?” You asked trying to get a look at the bruise forming on his face. “Yeah, baby. I’m fine. I’m so sorry I did that. I’m sorry I put you in this situation.” He said, hugging you again. After a long pause, you pulled up and looked up at him:

“Thank you.” You stated genuinely and Drew looked at you surprised. But while you continued to look at each other, you both understood without saying anything more. You both knew it wasn’t okay that Drew just got in a fight. And you both knew you didn’t need your boyfriend to defend you honor, but you were thankful someone finally had.

Taglist: @moniamaybank @abbyj1822 @october-cameron @hernameisnoell @railmerafe @stupidpendeja @lemur46 @phantompogues 

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 112 & 113 (part 2)

I hate that this chapter is cut... mainly cuz it deals with the most “ horribly presented” theme in furuba anime.... grief.

-The shame of grieving: “ Rarely discussed theme in Literature”:

When a love one dies... ppl differ in how they deal with it. Some cry their hearts out, some become depressed & painfully lonely, others get angry or cynical, some might deny it, some move on quickly, others move on but years after the realization crushes them, others stay still... Above all, you feel ashamed of yourself if you didn’t move on or if you DID move on.. “ Sometimes ppl around you judge you for it... for your grief”

The later is the theme of these two chapters. Rarely discussed themes & it saddens me that it is cut. You see, Furuba anime doesn’t get grief  at all. To them, it’s a small part of the generic protagonist after she finishes her job of nurturing the real main protagonist. Mothers are strong, they help us cross the bridge between childhood & adulthood. Tohru, the show’s mom, did it so thoroughly & in slow visual & narrative details for yuki. Afterwards, the anime brushed whatever is left of her character, which the anime viewed as sheer suspenseful drama, & collected it thro 3rd person story-telling techniques in one ep “ se3, ep6″ & excessive monologue for 10 minutes in se3, ep9.

In this chapter, Kakeru, a side character, sheds light into this theme. Kakeru didn’t lose a parent by death, didn’t grieve, has no dependent familial bonds with either dead parents “ kyoko & komaki’s dad”. Yet, kakeru stood & judged tohru on how she “ should” grieve. Harshly tearing her down while she’s standing there lonely, trying to hide her shock at the loss of her only pillar in life, broken & traumatized, dealing with the pushed down traumatic feelings from her past where her mom abandoned her as a child..now her mom did it again, this time thro death.. & kakeru, rightfully not knowing all that, but wrongfully lecturing her on how to behave... kakeru isn’t a monster, but he only saw what he wanted: komaki & how the world should grieve with his lover, how he should be the hero protecting her. So self-centered, insensitive, horribly cruel & unbelievably conceited, but above all... what he did is so sadly common... it hurts.

-Judging Grieving People:

As I said many times.. grief is so personal, so unique to the person & as common as it is, so misunderstood. According to kakeru & many ppl I’ve sopken to lately, tohru should have acknowledged komaki. Komaki, the not-traumatized version of tohru, did the right “ tohru-like” thing. Not only felt sadness at the loss of her own dad, but found it in her heart to visit the other orphan, tohru, & give condolences & respect to the dead mother. Such kindness & purity. Very deserving of applaud: To not only see your pain but others’ as well. Tohru has always done the “ right, kind” thing to other ppl. When she can’t now, the author brought another “ tohru” to do the “ right, kind” thing.

Kakeru is so many ppl. During my brother’s funeral. I’ve heard so many gossip on how my mom should’ve stood tall & greeted the visitors.” Being silent , emotionless & non-responsive is not how you show visitors you value their kind words”, they said. How his widow should’ve collected herself & acted properly, respected his memory by taking proper care of herself & her kids. “Being a broken mess is not how you “ honor” loved one”, they said. Kakeru is indeed many ppl & that’s how you discuss a theme by creating characters who sin, screw up & be cruel, even if momentarily.

Kakeru is wrong. There is no “ you should have” in grief. There is no ounce of truth in his demeaning lecture to tohru & I respect komaki for her reaction to him so much. Kakeru did learn & grew from it, apologized to tohru even if he didn’t actually sought her to do so & even if she herself started the apology. But you see, these two chapters are 90% focused on kakeru as a character, his growth, thoughts, the mini focus on his relationship with komaki as an example of healthy relationship & all that is another lesson for yuki to observe & learn. He learned abt tohru’s past, kakeru’s personality & growth & got to observe another example of romantic relationship so yuki can grow as a man & approach machi healthily. But then again... nothing at all stops yuki/machi from being healthy, no past issues, no contradicting personalities “ they’re quite similar” & yuki is the only furuba character that doesn’t screw up big. He learns & teaches. He’s the personification of the author.

-Tohru.. stays a “ tohru”:

Tohru’s part is 10% of the this chapter which is fine as I think/hope it will lead into more tohru depth in the following chapters. But It is for this reason I’m glad this chapter was cut in the 13 eps season of furuba anime, cuz tohru doesnt have much depth in the anime due to the quick wrap up & the la~~~~st  thing I want is another 3rd person story-telling flashback abt tohru in the anime. Honestly, one of the most frustrating aspect to me of the anime & I’ll hold judgement abt manga- tohru till I reach its end. So far~~~ Tohru’s depth & character exploration gets better one chapter, then regress the next one, then moves on, the... it’s a fluctuating process. It has nothing to do with tohtu’s feelings.

you’ see ... kyo himself as a character with issues fluctuates a lot, he does sth good, then does sth bad, chooses right words, then makes a horrible mistake & chooses wrong! which is one of the most well-done aspects of character exploration that is rarely attempted by authors! I highly respect Takaya-san for what she’s doing with kyo in the manga so far. Other authors show us a character doing one big mistake & then he/she learns from it in a dramatic way. But Takaya-san, nope! she decided to approach it in a very human way, making us be frustrated with kyo’s repeated mistakes yet understands where he’s coming from! kudos to her!!

But I’m not yet satisfied with how tohru is portrayed in the manga & this has nothing to do with tohru’s character. Takaya-san is discussing rare themes thro tohru’s character. But what I mean is how tohru is approached thro the viewers/readers eyes. I wont judge until the last chapter. but this is the part that is frustrating to me.

Side Notes:

The flow of the 2 chapters is little off. We go back & forth between the past & the present, between yuki-machi & komaki-kakeru. Again, I’m so glad the anime cut it cuz, nope! they can’t handle such narrative. they’ll reorder it in a such heavily monologing way & insert the comedy abruptly to lighten the mood. Just look at how the comedy is inserted in momiji’s se03 ep!

Komaki is such a tohru with a sprinkle of kagura’s very softened outbursts. lol. she’s fun!

I’m liking yuki-machi interactions a lot. no drama, which is why the anime cut it -_-’, but it progresses healthily. Machi is yuki’s third-stage growth after (1) leaving tohru’s nest (baby yuki), (b) making friends with kakeru/someone who gets him (young boy yuki), (3) finding romantic love (being a man). The anime was so interested in the 2 stages above cuz that’s where the drama is & cut the third. Honestly, the anime didn’t have to include everything as there is never a space in 13 eps, but they certainly could’ve squeezed few panels or even made brand new very short yuki-machi scenes. but the anime weirdly decided after yuki “ saved” machi from her trauma by talking with her in her apartment, he should just marry her.... lol.. that’s why next scene is ep 5 momiji’s ep intro montage where yuki was abt to confess!!! making yuki-machi the least developed couple in the anime!

I love all furuba’s characters, but yuki, tohru, kyo & akito carry the big themes, therefore, I not only analyze their characters, but how the themes are presented thro them & how their presentation affects such themes. This might make it sound as I hate them or am harsh on them. not at all. It is the anime director/ manga author that I’m positively or negatively criticizing most times. Most importantly, my criticism is not the law. It’s just my perspective & my consumption of the material. Feel free to differ with me. I dont mind it. It brings interesting discussions!

When it comes to tohru’s issues... his chapter introduced nothing new. We have seen/read in canon repeatedly that tohru hides her pain behind a smile (heck! even kisa knows that & told us), that she cant stand up for herself much, that she smiles for other ppl not for herself. All this was presented thro so many characters already, which is why I understand the anime’s decision to cut it. What’s new? that yuki didn know tohru’s smile is mostly a mask & that kakleru has depth.

I love this chapter for the grieving themes it discussed that are rarely touched upon in literature, but since such themes are rarely presented, the anime’s decision to cut it, ironically proves my point! lol . They don’t get grief & so, they reduced it to se03 content & two eps worth. sad.. but expected. The anime is indeed another form of “past” kakeru: seeing one side of grieving person. The happy side.

[creatureofmystry]

MLB x DC Universe Headcannons

I just love the idea of MLB and DC (expecially Batfam cuz Mari is such a Wayne) being in the same universe and crossing over. So one night, I just had an idea overload of different ways the Marinette would know the batfam/be a part of the DC universe. And if any of my shitty ideas somehow inspire or prompt you, then please be my guest. 😊 _

1) “Ladybugs of Past and Present”

Hippolyta, Wonder Woman’s mother, was once a previous holder of the ladybug miraculous. When Fu activated the miraculous and put them in circulation, Hippolyta could feel its magic waking back up. Knowing there must a reason for it to be out, she sent a message to her daughter. Diana searched, finding Marinette and Adrien as the present holders of the ladybug and cat miraculous. She vouched and brought them into the Young Justice program while they also made their own team, Project: Zodiac (or something like that).

[Sometime when Diana takes Marinette to meet Hippolyta]

“Great Hera, Tikki, you have not aged a day” -Hippolyta, cause she does know how to make joke. 

“And I would say the same to you” -Tikki

“Mother, you can make a laugh?” -Wonder Woman, honestly a bit confused cause her mom have never not been serious before.

And Marinette is just speechless cause she’s starstruck meeting Wonder Woman’s mom AND a previous Ladybug holder.

_

2) “Rockstar Niece”

Jagged Stone is Marinette’s Sweet Uncle J. During the summers, Jagged Stone would take Mari with him on tour. HIs summer tours are throughout America, so Mari gets to sightsee the country. Jagged’s first tour that he gets to take Mari on (5-ish), he’s also booked for the annual (for whatever reason) Wayne Summer Gala. When Marinette meets the Waynes, they are so enamoured (Dick and Tim couldn’t help it) that they tell Jagged he’s always invited as a guest, Mari of course being added to the permanent guest list too. About 6 years later, Mari is practically adopted, spending the first half of her summers with Jagged, going to the Wayne Gala, then spending the rest of her summer with the Waynes. Overtime, she figured out the secrets of the family and was there to welcome Jason back from the dead (when that happens). Anyways, now 11(-ish?) Mari meets Damian and the two become good friends… after an… impressionable first meeting.

“Tch, let me guess, you’re another one of father’s adopted strays” -Dami

“YOU MUST BE DAMIAN!!! DICK TOLD ME ABOUT YOU!!” -Marinette, who just ignores what he said for a hug.

“hiiiiiiiiissssssss” -Dami, touchy with touch

“...” sprays water in his face since he decided to act like a cat.

“I say, Master Bruce, the children are getting along quite well” -Alfred

_

3) “Pen Pals” 

Jon Kent and Marinette Dupain-Cheng are part of an international pen-pal program, starting when they were very young (maybe like 4 or 5-ish, super super young) where they told each other everything (Jon can’t just say that his older bro is a clone made from Superman and Lex Luthor’s DNA, or that his dad is Superman, or that his best friend is Robin, but yea. Lois and Clark probably proofread his stuff until he’s like 9) with pictures and everything. When they’re old enough to get phones & stuff, they call, text and vid-chat along with their letters (love without blood). When Mari is maybe 9-11 (somewhere around there) she starts flying over during the summers to hangout with Jon (and his friends and big brother). While there, she meets Kon, Bat fam, and Clark (some who she already knew, some who she didn’t) & lightly hints that she knows who all they are once she figures it out (it didn’t take her long to do so). 

Now whenever she visits and is at Wayne Manor (Jon likes to have sleepovers practically every weekend) while they’re on patrol, Mari subtly messes with their minds (super subtle, they’re the world’s best detectives after all) until they finally look through the cams and see Mari giving them one of those smiles (those shit-grinning cause it’s just so hilarious how it’s gone on for so long) & and a playful wink. 

[5 seconds later]

“Mari!” “Pixie-pop!” “Angel!” “Teacup!”

“Seriously, am I the only one with a normal nickname for her?” -Tim

“Ms. Marinette would like to inform you that ‘it took you long enough’” -Alfred (who so knows that the girl has been playing them since the third night she stayed at the Wayne’s)

“Where are my adoption papers?” -Bruce (who is seriously adopting any talented black-haired child)

_

4) “Mari and Mar’i” 

When Mar’i is young, Dick and Kori take her with them to see Paris (btw, this would be during the winter). They’re strolling along through a park and lose track of Mar’i who finds Marinette (9-10 ish). Marinette comforts and distracts Mar’i while noticing the young(er) girl is Tameranian (her hair is very warm and she’s wearing significantly less layers than should be worn for a human of that age during the winter, plus that sun-kissed skin tone. She’s seen Kori in her fashion magazines (and, from time to time, on the news as an ambassador) so she easily make the connections). Dick and Kori finally spot Mar’i with Mari who introduces herself to them. Mar’i asks if she can see her “Auntinette” again and Marinette just goes “if your parents are okay with it.” Dick and Kori are totally cool with it (not many are willing to watch her and have the time to do it) so they ask Marinette if she can babysit Mar’i whenever (with good pay of course) if she’s up to it (cause she’s still pretty young). Marinette can’t say no to Mar’i’s babydoll eyes (and she’s so much easier compared to Manon, who’s only 2 rn), so of course, she says yes. 

Now Marinette is Mar’is official babysitter and sees Mar’i often whenever her parents drop her off (using zeta tubes to quickly get to Paris and back). Marinette gets treated like an honorary Wayne (cause she’s the most responsible) and gets invited to their family stuff (w/ travel pay taken care of, of course). It doesn’t take her long to realize the fact that she babysits Bruce Wayne’s & BATMAN’S granddaughter, but of course, being the responsible one she is, keeps the secret… while also playing with them via Mar’i.

[One Day]

After Marinette leaves for her plane…

“Uncle Dami!”

“Yes, Spawn?”

“Auntinette said to tell you after she left that Robin’s sut needs a major upgrade & that you look like a traffic light… whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

[Another Day]

“Uncle Jay!”

“What’s up kid?’

“Auntinette said that to let you know that Red Hood doesn’t make any sense ‘cause Red Hood wears a helmet. Not a hood.”

[The next time]

“Uncle Tim!”

Yawn. “yea?”

“Auntie told me to give you this” (pulls out super caffeinated coffee) “and that Red Robin’s cowl is a menace to all things fashion”

[Again…] 

“Daddy!”

“Yes, Starshine?”

“Auntienette said she’s proud of Nightwing’s costume ‘cause it’s one of the only in the batfam that isn’t an astro-city to the fashion society.”

_

5) “Marinette, the one who’s always getting chosen”

Before Mari became (becomes(?)) LB, she comes across a different powerful piece of jewelry, from a different order of guardians where her will of mind is not only her shield from being akumatized, but it is also what drives her powers. That’s right, Mari walks past a flea market and activates a GL ring. The guardians pick up on this activity and send Hal (it is his sector) to check it out. Hal finds the ring with Mari but it still needs the light of a GL to charge and fully work. 

[During the explanation]

“Look, kid-”

“Marinette.” 

“Look, kid, I just need to know why you have that ring.”

“You think I know? I was just walking through the market and all of a sudden, this possessed ring, if that’s even what this is, started following me, then zipped in front of my face til i held my hand up so it can put itself on my finger.” 

“Kid-”

“It’s MARINETTE. Get it wrong one more time and you’ll see why I don’t need a possessed piece of alien jewelry.” -Marinette, making sure you get her name right. “Besides, if I stole it, I would remember. I’m a klepto” -Marinette, probably holding his ring too at this point.

Hal obviously doesn’t want the wrath of the Dupain-Chengs (just the kid Marinette scares him enough), so he tells the guardians that JL will take care of most of Mari’s training (once they get her a lamp for her ring, of course) & has her take part in training at Mt. Justice with the Young Justice team and special training with the Bats. Mari does all this under the guise of an international student exchange program for Mari to stay with the Waynes (not yet knowing that it’s the bat fam) and attends G.A. Mari doesn’t do much, but it takes her 24-36 hours to know who EVERYONE is.

[the next week after settling in]

“Hey, Mars,” -Dick, in his Nightwing gear

“Hey, Di-is the GREATEST SHOW!” -Mari, changing the subject(… not really)

“How long did it take you?”

“Not as long as the Kryptonians…” -Mari, going off into a tangent (still trying to change the subject”

[When Marinette meets Tikki]

Back in Paris:

“Sooo… I’m getting powerful jewelry that gives me powers and a suit, needs to be recharged, and comes from some Order of the Guardians? What’s the difference between you and my ring?” -Marinette, who at this point is very confused as to why she keeps getting picked on for this kind of stuff. 

“One’s alien, one’s magic” -Tikki, hoping Mari will end it there & lowkey hates that the GL Corp. got to her first.

“They’re both non-human made energy sources” -Mari, cause once you’ve seen it once, you’ve seen it all before. 

“You can’t heal the Akuma without the miraculous, and there are more than just rings. Yours are earrings, there are hair clips, bracelets, necklaces and more” -Tikki, after having a minute to think

“Fine, only because you said they’re the only way to heal the, what was it again, akuma?”

_

6) “Their Unofficial Official Barista”

Part of Tim’s job as Co-CEO, is to make sure all the branches are running smoothly, sometimes that means he has to fly abroad to manually check in. Tim goes to Paris to check on the W.E. Paris branch. He goes to a nearby Patisserie (Tom and Sabine’s) to see a young Marinette (somewhere from 8-11) drawing in her sketchbook at the counter. She explains that her parents are at a catering event, but she’s there to man the little bakery. Tim asks for a super caffeinated coffee and Marinette makes it with ease, claiming it was on the house with how bad he looks (and how much sleep the man clearly needs). Tim begs for her knowledge and asks if she can teach his butler. Mari’s willing to show him the next time he comes, so he gets the whole fam to go (viz tubes so they don’t waste time) maybe a week later. Everyone gets their own drink (plus a free pastries) and Marinette teaches Alfred her coffee, but it’s just not the same so Tim, using the tubes, goes to get coffee from the girl whenever he can. 

Mari is horrible at getting up on time (the life of an insomniac, never getting to sleep even if you want and then barely waking up on time) that she is up super early, makes Tim his coffee (plus a croissant) and tries to go back to sleep (making her inevitably late). Tim would walk up to the pick-up counter where his cup and to-go bag is while Marinette runs out of the house to get to school. Eventually, the rest of the Batfam (as well as the Laegue, TT, and YJ) frequent the place, slowly becoming (Dami too) Mari hides it, but she knew all the batfam the first day they came and she showed Alfred how to make the coffee. When the others start making more regular appearances, she learns the identities of YJ team, WW, GLs, and others. Obviously when LB and CN appear as heroes with HM as their villain, they immediately reach out to help. Because 1. Batfam clearly notices that it’s Mari and they sure as heck won’t let her deal with that by herself, and 2. The JL is worrying too much about their favorite barista (even though she’s not really one), especially with the Gigantitan scare. So, of course LB & CN (can’t make him bad everytime) get inducted into YJ.

[After Ladybug finishes defeating Gigantitan and detransforms] 

“Bean! Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” -Tim, being an even more protective older brother than Dick, which shouldn’t be possible

“Yes, I promise. I’m fine” -Marinette, who just accepts the fact that she’s adopted an older brother (and his famliy)

“Tube over, we’ll have Alfred make sure” -Dick, already pulling out the medical supplies for Alfred.

“I-” 

“You shouldn’t worry your brothers like that, Marinette. Now come over so Alfred can clear you,” -Bruce, who just happens to overhear the conversation

“I’m sorry, Miss Marinette, they are very adamant that you’re in pitch perfect health before going out again,” -Alfred, who’s not actually sorry

“Fine” -Marinette, accepting her fate of her adopted, protective family. 

_

7) “Thicker Than the Blood We’ve Shed”

Why is Marinette so freakishly strong? Because she was trained to be. Before she could even talk, Mari was taught to be an assassin. She and Damian were frenemies, both competing for top spot as best in the League (of Assassins). They often spared together and became rivals who pushed each other (which sounds great in that context if you forget about the fact that they’re killing people and turning it into a competition). When Damian’s care is turned over to Batsy, Mari also comes along for the ride. She implements herself into Dami’s classes at G.A. & watches him from afar. (Damian, not being an idiot, of course knows all this and knows that it’s probably for Mari to give a report to Talia.) When he becomes Robin, Mari obviously knows, but waits to see if anything drastic would happen (his care was given to the Batfam, they had already expected this to happen.) She then heard word of the bounty Talia put on Damian’s head. Marinette knew there wouldn’t be much she could do to help, but she ave Dami a warning about the upcoming situation before fleeing the country. 

From there she got to France, changed her name (it wasn’t originally Marinette, it was Shénqí, chinese for miraculous/magical (or something else if you want)), was adopted by Tom & Sabine, and left her time in the League in the past. When she received Tikki, she didn’t want to be a hero because she didn’t think she deserved it after her up-bringing. Eventually, she did become LB (being a trained assassin does help with lucky charms, considering she was taught how to kill with basically every and anything), and life was good for her. Then Rossi came.

[Gotham field trip]

While at Wayne Tower…

“How idiotic are they?” -Damian, who after reuniting with his long-lost sister-from-a-different-mister (yes, Marinette was able to convince him to say it once), can’t understand the stupidity she has to deal with.

“Are you Robin?” -Mari, who is too tired, so just goes straight into the analogy

“Yes.” -Obvious and simply is.

“Exactly” -Mari, who can’t even put a limit to the amount of thought the one brain cell the class shares doesn’t use. I mean please, the so-called “reporter” believed that the first cosplayer she saw was the actual LB when they don’t even have the same hair! And let’s not forget the origins arc, where LB’s first citizen save was Chloe.

[foster-the-world]

In route

Flying home after a great vacation. The national parks in Southern Utah/Arizona are simply amazing. Baby boy is a asleep - which is a real hallelujah moment.

10 out of 12 days were amazing. The other two were normal exhaustion/annoying stuff that traveling with three little kids entail.

My parents/Aunt joined for the first 9 days. Having them around always makes it feel more like a real break/vacation. My Mom is so good with all three kids.

Las Vegas - 2 nights. It was the closest airport and weren't excited about putting baby boy in a car after a 5.5 hour flight. The kids loved it. We took the girls to a comedy/magician show that they enjoyed. The pool was huge and three feet all the way across - so perfect for five year olds that are beginnings swimmers.

Valley of Fire. My Aunt's not a hiker and says things like "why would anyone think this is enjoyable, just a bunch of rocks, so much dirt, etc, etc." Which works out fine because any of the kids could go back to the car with her when tired.

St George, Utah - 6 nights - We did a home exchange. Some of the best playgrounds I've ever seen. There were some signs noting private donors. I wonder if it's all of the Mormon money? So many things in Vegas/the parks were free for 5 and under. Which is amazing for us. I feel like in NYC you are lucky if any kid over 1 gets in free to anything.

Zion was an amazing place. Baby boy decided to not sleep the night before. Which left us pretty cranky and not really fit to parent well. My parents/Aunt did a jeep tour while we hiked with the kids. Both girls complained a lot - which is not like them.

Arizona - 1 night - Luckily, my parents had offered for us to leave the kids with them while we drove to Arizona. We did a parents only trip for a more serious hike in Zion then onward to Antelope Canyon/Lake Powell/Horseshoe bend in Arizona. Truly otherworldly. Ate amazing Mexican food and slept in.

Of course, the kids had the time of their lives. Luckily, baby boy was back to sleeping like a charm so I didn't feel too guilty about saddling my parents/Aunt with them.

Did some more local/state park hikes with the kids when we got back. Pretty lake surrounded by mountains. Then an ATV ride with just the girls. As Rebel said "what a wild ride."

Bryce Canyon - 2 nights. What an amazing place. The girls and I did a few great hikes- they were champs. It was snowing. We also went to a country show dinner buffet. The music brought me back to my high school days. The girls were blown away by the idea of a buffet. Their eyes filled with joy when we told them they got to go back.

Unfortunately, baby boy realized he could climb out of his pack-n-play. He screamed bloody murder every time we put him back in. Can't have him bothering the neighbors so we drove him around to get him to fall asleep. I think we realized he's not really ready for hotel stays, yet. Home exchanges/airbnb's make our vacation lives so much easier.

Vegas - 1 night. Up at 3:20am to catch our flight. With flight prices being crazy it was the most affordable. It worked out as the airport was not crowded, I wasn't going to sleep well anyway and baby boy passed out right away. I realized we were going to be zonked when we got home so our sitter is scheduled.

Overall, an amazing trip. Next time I do less moving of places. Def want to take the kids back to Bryce Canyon when baby boy is 4+. So much more to see.

Both our arriving and returning flight has medical emergencies that asked for medical professional assistance. As a student, obviously I'm not qualified. But i don't think I'm going to be when I graduate either. The return flight it was a non-responsive elderly women making odd breathing sounds before we even took off. Her daughter seemed very unconcerned. Another passenger had to alert the flight attendants to stop us from taking off. Apparently the women has been released from the hospital recently and then caught a flu. The daughter tried to convince the flight attendants they could still fly. THEN ASKED IF SHE HAD TO GO WITH HER? How insane is that? Imagine not wanting to get off the plane with your elderly mother who was just non-responsive?

[ggukkieland]

📕CURRENT READS (2020 October)

🌹 Fics I’ve enjoyed reading this October, with some few unread ones (still have 4 to 5 days to finish!). Waah I have read a lot 😲 I can’t believe I’m almost complete with this list 🥳. Usually when I post and organize the list, half of it are still on #toread status. I thought of curating Halloween-themed fics 🎃 but I ended up reading any genre anyway😁.

Again, credit goes to these awesome writers! Sending them lots of love and virtual hugs 🥰🤗💜🥰🤗💜🥰🤗 .

✅ -  done reading   | S (smut) F (fluff) A (angst) 

🥕[Ongoing Series - to check weekly] 

Still reading the ongoing series from last month’s reading list, whenever there is an update 😊

I Feel You in my Heart by @purpletaecup - MYG |  exes au, second chances, some chapters have smau elements | A, S, F (really good story development 😭)

[7/?] nearly 2 months after their divorce, yoongi and y/n wade through the aftermath of the fallout by themselves. yoongi is moving on with someone else while y/n finds herself stuck in waves of anxiety and depression. soon enough, they are brought together again by an unfortunate accident

If it Harms None, Do What You Will by purpletaecup - JJK | smau, comedy, supernatural au, fantasy au, witch!reader, demon!jungkook | F, S  🎃

[6/?] it’s the beginning of October and green witch y/n has been preparing for all of the spooky activities she needs to do for all hallow’s eve. one of her older friends gives her a ritual candle for protection. a couple of drops of blood and a wonky magic circle later, there is a high level demon sitting on the floor of her living room.

We Live with a Ghost by @smaubts - JJK | smau, comedy, ghost au, roommates au | F  🎃

[6/13] when jungkook convinces his roommate, y/n, that their house is haunted by an evil ghost, they decide their best option is to contact with it and make it leave but end up summoning an actual ghost by accident.

Swan Black by CharWrites [AO3] - JJK | fantasy, supernatural, enemies to lovers, dark fantasy, apocalypse, Fae!Jungkook, Fae!Yoongi, Fae!Taehyung,  LOTR/Mortal Instruments/Labyrinth vibes | A, S (I love this! It’s like watching LOTR 😍)  🎃

[10/?] So's twin brother, Jimin, has been kissed by darkness: an evil that has spread across the land and has claimed many souls. They only have weeks until the darkness consumes him. Once consumed, he will be governed by the unsullied: a powerful race of Dark Fae that has overtaken the world.

So seeks out a rogue Fae Prince, Kook, who is her only hope, if she can survive his deadly charms and irresistible lure especially when he is much more interested in possessing her, mind body and soul.

Third Wheeling by @taetaewonderland - MYG |  strangers to lovers au, ceo!yoongi | A, F, S 🥰

[1/?] Min Yoongi is a strict man. Time is money to the CEO of Kisung Connected. He isn’t interested in conventional things or wastes of time. He’s an asshole. But, you didn’t realize until it was too late. Until you met him at the club and it changed your life forever.  

Bad Friends by @hollyxqx- MYG | friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, neighbor au, college au, fwb au | A, S, F (what a good angst 😥)

[1/3] hooking up with your childhood best friend was never your plan, but neither was falling in love with him either. he’s troubled but his heart is gold. when you move away for college, things start to take a turn.

House of Lilies by @suqakoo​ - JJK | mafia au, arranged marriage au | A, F, S

[3/?] Jeon Jungkook is the only heir to Dal Gurimja. He is the poster child for mafia bosses. He’s a feared hit-man among the underground world, and a successful CEO among the socialites of Seoul. Pair him with a castaway girl who’s been out of society for twelve years, and… what do you get?

Your Eyes Tell  by @njkbangtan - JJK | soulmate au, enemies to lovers au, roommates au, sugar baby (but not really), slow burn | A, F

[5/?] You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?  

I hate u, I love u by @bbangpanmen - JJK | fwb au, friends to lovers au, smau | A

[17/23] he uses you to forget her; you let him because you love him.

Puzzle by @kimvvantae - JJK | fwb au, friends to lovers au, college au | A, S, F (I’ve read this before, around 2018-19 and I thought it was discontinued. Glad there’s an update ^_^)

[7/?] the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed  - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

The Lesson/Min Boy by @adventuresinwonderlust - MYG | bad boy!yoongi, dom-sub elements, enemies to lovers, brat!reader | S, A, F

[6/8] No summary provided but it’s the twisted story between bad boy Yoongi with angsty backstory and this brat/rich kid. I really liked how it was written though.  I made a mistake of reading part 4:  Two Months Too Long, which should’ve been the 6th story to read if you follow the author’s sequence. 

Popular-ish by @hansolmates - JJK | popular!jungkook, college au, fwb to lovers, shy!oc | F, S, A

[9/?] drabble series: you are way out of jungkook’s league. Or is it the other way around?

Date Me by @latetaektalk - JJK | enemies to lovers, fake dating au, rich kid au | A, F,

[prologue + 1/?] when obnoxiously rich and spoiled frat boy jeon jungkook comes up to you one day and asks you to fake date him for money, you definitely should have said no. because before you knew it, you were going on insta dates with him and having lunch with his equally obnoxiously rich and spoiled friends.

All Over You by @zibermuda - JJK | enemies to lovers, nerd!jk, fuckgirl!reader | S, F 

[2/?] you don’t usually go for the quiet, nerdy type, but Jungkook’s by far the best looking guy in your year. You just can’t help yourself. You have to have him. Small hiccup; he hates you

Effortlessly by @gyukult - JJK | friends to lovers, neighbors au, 

[8/?] “Reciprocate feelings?” Jungkook crosses his arms before he continues, “They should know that you’re the only girl in my life.“ Jungkook has been your best friend and neighbor since you could remember, but what you can’t recall is when your feelings began develop for him. 

HEI$T: A JJK Fic by lucidly [AO3] - JJK | heist au, action, bangtan are thieves, vigilante au | A, S

[3/?] Six years after being thrown into the world of forgery, espionage, and heists, Mona and her team face competition like never before: The Bulletproof Boy Scouts, a fabled Korean gang of thieves that everybody seems to know, but no one has seen. When she comes face to face with all 7 of them, Mona knows: they're real, and this job won't be like the others. For years she has followed the money, but could it be time that she follow her heart instead?

🥕[Completed AUs/Series-  to read]

✅  - done reading (also there seems to be a lot of JJK fics)

Creep @xjoonchildx - MYG | S, pwp, yandere ✅

Guilty @xjoonchildx - KNJ | A, S, mafia au, second part of Guarded AU (an awesome JHS series) 

Chapter One: How Odd  Chapter Two: Incheon Mall Tube Tops  Final Chapter: Is Something Burning?  Epilogue: Better Than Okay

Paddle with Me @yoongs-jeontae - JJK | A, S, enemies to lovers, camp counselor au, pwp   ✅

Hate Me @themfchase - JJK | S, collegel!au, enemies to lovers au, fuckboy!jk, pwp  ✅

Devil in a Blue Suit @yeojaa - JJK | F, S, idiots to lovers, established au, good boy!jungkook  

main story  ✅ + drabbles  ✅

Sweetest Crush @minjoonalist - JHS | F, S, brother’s best friend au 

Fake Love @aquaminwrites - JHS | F, S, A, fake dating au, enemies to lovers  ✅

Faded Love @jamaisjoons - PJM | A, S, marriage au, infidelity ✅

Brown-Eyed Baby @vinterjeon - JJK | A, S, F, exes to lovers, single dad!jk 

01 02  ✅

Why We Got Married @ktheist - KTH | F, S, arranged marriage au, slow burn ✅

Lonely Hearts Club @dovechim - JJK | S, F, enemies to lovers, wedding au  ✅

Come to Me @jeonsweetpea - JJK | S, A, F ,friends to lovers, college au  ✅

Satan on the Strip @noir0neko - JJK | S, A, demon!jungkook  ✅  🎃

No Face @seokoloqy - MYG | A, S, F, demon au, supernatural au  ✅  🎃

Take a Chance @crystaljins - JJK | A, Hanahaki au, co-workers, very angsty but Seokjin provides comic relief

01 02 03 04 05 06 07  ✅

The Lottery Offering @skswriting - JJK | A, F, S, werewolf au, sort-of arranged marriage au  ✅

A Beautiful Epiphany @onherwings - JJK | A, S, F, friends to lovers, unrequited love, artist!jungkook  ✅

Au Naturel (sequel) - drabble, established au  ✅

Broken Dreams @ddaenysus - JJK | A, soulmate au, unrequited  ✅

And Mended Hearts (sequel) - A, S, soulmate au, college au   ✅

Coin Toss @yoondoze - JJK | A, mafia au, detective au, exes au, plot twist 👀  ✅

I Knew It Was You @hoseokmylovesworld - JJK | S, F, werewolf au, college au  ✅ 🎃

Little Blue @pars-ley - JJK | F, S, friends to lovers, college au, with TW   ✅

Little Blue Pill @dreamescapeswriting  - JJK | S, pwp, friends to lovers ✅ 

Smitten @megahwn - JJK | F, S, arranged marriage au, strangers to lovers au   ✅

Hit Me with Your Best Shot @namfine - JJK | S, pwp, martial arts, friends to lovers  ✅

Slow and Steady @yoonia - JJK | S, A, artist!jungkook, infidelity, established au   ✅

Cockblocked @mercurygguk - JJK | A, S, F, friends to lovers, roommates au  ✅

 everything I ever wanted (drabble) - morning after  ✅

What are you Afraid Of? @cupofteaguk - JJK | F, avatar the last bender au 

Part 2 (prompt: if you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed) - avatar au, F, S

demon-etized @jungkxook - KNJ | S, youtube au, ghost hunter au  🎃

Spellbound @jeonseok - JJK |  F, slight S, demon au, crack, romcom  ✅ 🎃

Raising Demons (sequel) - fluffy, smut, established au, crack  ✅ 🎃

What’s in a Name? @minsimagines - JJK | A, F, demon au, soul selling scenario, romance  

01 02 03 ✅  🎃

The Big Yellow School Bus  [15k] fringesofsanity [AO3] - JJK | S, A, F, noona, fwb au  ✅

once bitten, twice shy [5.6k] obiwrites [AO3] - JJK | A, F, implied S, exes au, parents au   ✅

Lose Somebody [26k] @kooala - JJK | A, F, slight S, exes au, camping au  ✅

Oh What a World [100k] @taestybae - PJM | A, S, F, fake marriage au, fallen idol au (been wanting to read this since July (!), will finally get to reading this 🥰)

series masterlist [18 chapters + epilogue]

🥕[Drabbles]

okay I just realized they’re all JJK drabbles 😅

Incandesce @eunoiabliss - 544 words | JJK | fantasy au, fluff  ✅

Forgetful Confession  @suhdays - 991 words | JJK |  fluff, slight angst, college au, friends to ???  ✅

Club @taleasnewastime - 2k | JJK | fluff, bestfriends  ✅

JJK Reincarnation drabble @ktheist - 571 words | JJK | F, reincarnation (?) | love love this 🥰  ✅

Pup @whipped-for-kpop-fics​ - 1.5k | JJK | F, humour, werewolf au, established au | this is cute and funny 🤣  ✅

A Line Crossed @underthejoon - 723 words | JJK | A, bodyguard au ✅

Rousing Rendezvous @rookiegukie - 1.5k | JJK |  smut, frenemies with benefits, modern royalty au  ✅

[sourwolphs]

Like an Animal - Bucky x Reader (3/8)

Read on Ao3 (for better interface + formatting)

Summary: Reader is an enhanced Omega kidnapped by Hydra and trapped in a cell with Alpha Bucky Barnes. Tags: A/B/O, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending Warnings: Rated M, Kidnapping, Mentions of non-con (nothing actually happens), self-hatred  A/N: The rest of the team makes an appearance! Whoo!

Steve burst through the door first, using the force of his shield to break through the external locks Bucky had been unable to reach. As soon as the scent of their combined heat and rut hit him, Steve threw his best friend a wide-eyed look. From where he knelt on the floor next to the Omega, Bucky shook his head, feeling a fresh wave of shame wash over him. His release minutes ago had taken the edge off of his rut enough that he was thinking semi-clearly again, realizing what he had done.

He had violated her. He didn’t stop. He was the most worthless kind of Alpha— not a protecter, like Steve, but a taker, like Hydra had trained him to be.

“Who is she?” Steve asked, taking slow, careful steps towards them. Bucky had to grip hard into his thigh with his metal hand to stop himself from grabbing her protectively, shielding her from the nonexistent threat of the other Alpha, the way his instincts were screaming at him to.

Y/N was still shaking and crying, curled up on top of his clothes and holding her legs tightly to her chest to protect herself.

“Dunno. She’s enhanced. Sympathy heat. Get her to safety. Please,” he said lowly. Steve nodded, giving Bucky another searching look. “They gave me something. Rut. I— I don’t know. I’ll be fine.” He shook his head as he stood up, trying to clear it again of the rising fog of arousal.

“Are we fighting our way out?” At least that way, he’d be an asset. Even a normal Alpha in rut possessed enhanced strength and endurance, not to mention a super-soldier.

Steve shook his head. “Tony and Nat practically cleared this place out already. You know we’re in Paraguay, right?”

Bucky shook his head in disbelief.

“I know. Took us way too long to find you. Scared everyone,” Steve said. “Once we touched down, a few Hydra squads fled the base right away. Probably whoever was in charge of…” —he motioned at Bucky’s body to indicate his artificial rut— “….this. Sam’s tailing them now.”

Bucky watched as Steve gently kneeled down next to Y/N. Her eyes were glassy and out of focus. She strained her neck to bare her throat submissively to the new Alpha looming over her, turning her face into Bucky’s ruined clothes. He swallowed hard, feeling sick to his stomach at her display of fearful vulnerability.

The reminder of the spend he’d eked out against her will was still wet against his body. He was a fucking monster.

Steve gently scooped Y/N up into his arms. She protested weakly, still crying as she pushed on his arms with her bound wrists, murmuring unintelligibly and whimpering in either fear or pain. Bucky grimaced as Steve tucked her face into his neck, offering his scent gland to comfort her in the intimate way Bucky had just a few hours ago. He watched as she snuffled into his neck and the rigid lines of her body began to relax minutely. “Alpha,” she whined. He had to stop himself from tearing her from Steve’s arms— though he knew if anyone deserved the trust of a defenseless Omega, it was his best friend. Bucky had proven himself unworthy ten times over here in this cell. His self-hatred rose like bile in his throat, competing with the heat of rut still burning through his veins.

“Bucky okay in here?” Nat slipped soundlessly through the cell door, brushing her hair out of her dirt-smudged face. She was a little breathless, but looked otherwise unharmed. “Upstairs is clear, but we need to get moving before—“ She cut off when she saw Y/N curled in Steve’s arms. “Holy shit,” she breathed.

Steve had already started moving out of the cell, stopping when he realized that Nat recognized Hydra’s other prisoner. “So she’s not a Jane Doe?”

“Her name is Y/N,” Bucky interjected. My Omega.

“Not a Jane Doe,” Nat said. “I’ll explain on the quinjet.”

Nat navigated them quickly and expertly through the evacuated base. There were some limp bodies strewn around as they made their way up nearly a dozen flights of stairs, Nat’s swift and nearly bloodless execution style apparent in the pattern of dead. The closer they got to the exit, the antsier Bucky felt, his skin starting to crawl again with rut. He knew he was moments away from dipping back into mindless lust— especially without his, no, the Omega in his arms— but he couldn’t speed up ahead for risk of leaving her behind. The urge to stay protectively by her side was too strong, though he knew she was more than safe in Steve’s arms. She had quietly dozed off in Steve’s arms.

“Almost there,” Nat murmured, nodding her head at a set of busted steel doors at the end of a long hallway. Bucky knew she could smell his desperation, clamping a hand down on his flesh arm to ground him. “I have emergency suppressants,” she told him reassuringly.

As they burst through the doors and out into the humid air, Bucky let out a sigh of relief he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Sam was standing, wings folded, on the quinjet’s loading hatch as they approached at a quick jog. “Couldn’t stay on their tail,” he updated Steve, who shook his head. “Glad you didn’t die,” Sam said teasingly to Bucky, but Bucky didn’t have the stomach for their usual banter. He gave a grim nod, to which the Beta male raised his eyebrows.

Once they were all on board, Tony raised the loading hatch and lifted the quinjet off the ground with a lurch, activating the cloaking panels so their jet disappeared into the sky. Bucky slipped into a gear room in the back to quickly shuck out of his ruined clothes, forcing himself to toss them in the incinerator even though he ached to press his face into his shirt and breathe in Y/N’s lingering scent. She hadn’t consented. She couldn’t have. He slammed his right fist into the wall, forcing himself to feel the pain in his knuckles.

Nat knocked on the door before opening it a crack, offering four white tablets in her palm.

“Thanks,” Bucky murmured, swallowing the emergency blockers dry.

“Give yourself ten minutes for them to kick in, then we should debrief,” she murmured. Bucky nodded. Once he was dosed up with blockers and finished the debrief, he could lock himself back in here, as far away from Y/N as possible— even though his Alpha was screaming at him to break down the door and pull her back into his arms. The last thing she needed was to see his face if she woke up mid-flight. The sound of her terrified sobs still rang in his ears.

It took more than ten minutes for the blockers to work and for Bucky to start feeling normal again. His temperature had gone down, but he kept his outer layers off, quietly emerging from the gear room in a short sleeve shirt. Tony was manning the controls with bags under his eyes. Nat was sitting with her legs thrown over Sam’s lap, the both of them peering intently at her tablet as she scrolled through files. Steve had buckled himself into one of the co-pilot seats with Y/N on his lap, his hand cupping the back of her neck to keep her face pressed near his neck. She still looked feverish and weak, sweat forming a sheen across her exposed skin, but she was out cold. Bucky’s eyes traced the curves of her face, drinking in the sight of her and her sweet, minty scent.

Steve’s earnest blue eyes connected with Bucky’s as soon as he registered his best friend entering the main room. He must have caught the scent of Bucky’s dueling protective and guilty emotions because Steve gave him a reassuring nod. “She’s doing fine, Buck. Hasn’t made a peep. But she’s… cold,” he said.

“She has some kind of ability. Said she could freeze things,” Bucky explained.

“What the hell happened back there?” Sam interrupted. “No offense, Buck, but you still reek— even more than usual.”

“They dosed me with something,” he growled. “I didn’t even realize until they brought her in. I—“ he cut himself off. He wasn’t going to tell the whole team how he’d forced himself on her. They’d probably throw him off the quinjet, like he wanted to do to himself. He was just grateful Steve had arrived when he did, or there’s no telling what he could have been capable of. And to think she had trusted him enough to offer him her gland to scent….

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, fighting back the voice in his head reminding him of all the reasons he didn’t deserve that trust. “I think they wanted us— me— to…” he trailed off. Tony turned around to face the group with a grim expression, and Sam’s eyes widened as he realized Bucky’s meaning.

“Wait,” Steve interjected. “Nat— you recognized her.”

“I know her, yes,” Nat sighed, pursing her lips, before setting her tablet down in Sam’s lap and swinging her legs over the edge of the seat to face the group. “A year or so ago— after the Blip— Wanda, Fury and I started looking for more… enhanced individuals. The last thing we need are more people out there like Pietro and Wanda being… experimented on, when we could so easily bring them to safety and a… purpose.”

“Well, who is she?” Sam pressed. Bucky could tell Sam had been fighting his overprotective Beta instincts back ever since Steve had carried her on board. His normally neutral scent— like citrus and saltwater— had flared up in his agitation.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” Nat answered. “Fury discovered her after we found a whole gang of street criminals frozen solid in Brooklyn. Her parents were scientists working for S.H.I.E.L.D., pre-Hydra. She likely got her abilities when she was a teenager when one of their lab experiments went wrong. Both her and her parents were assumed D.O.A., but she was actually underground for the past 10 years. I found her not too long ago and warned her of the risks, told her we could protect her. She seemed very… disillusioned by the Avengers. Gave me the slip, too— Not many people can do that. I haven’t seen her since.”

“Sounds like she’s been through a lot,” Steve said softly. Y/N snuffled softly in her sleep, and Steve rubbed her back soothingly. Bucky clenched his jaw so hard it felt like his teeth were going to crack. “Probably figured if S.H.I.E.L.D. couldn’t protect her and her parents, how could we? Tony, any idea how to get these restraints off her?”

“Looks like some kind of Terrigen Crystal manipulator, common scrambling device for enhanced individuals,” Tony replied. “We can deactivate them back home, but I’d keep them on until she wakes up. We don’t know how powerful she is.”

Rage rose hot and sharp in Bucky’s chest, surprising him. “She’s not dangerous,” he growled. “She’s just—“

Tony cleared his throat. “Just an Omega?” he scoffed. “Yeah. So is Wanda. And Banner.”

“I was going to say she’s just been kidnapped,” Bucky growled, hackles raised. “If I woke up surrounded by a strange pack, I’d use my strengths too.” Steve and Tony both quirked an eyebrow, their Alpha instincts completely under control. Bucky knew he was acting like a deranged knothead, but he couldn’t help it. Never in his life had he felt a pull to an Omega this strongly. All he wanted was to curl her into his arms, where she belonged, return his face to the scent gland on her neck and use his heat to warm her cool skin. But he wouldn’t. And he shouldn’t. He didn’t deserve it. He spun on his heel, returning to the gear room, which he bolted shut behind him, sliding down with his back to the floor to ride out the rest of the journey home— as far away from her scent as he could get.

——————-

The first thing I felt when I woke up this time wasn’t the pain in my wrists— though that was still there, burning hot and freezing cold at the same time. No, the first thing I felt was a comfortable bed beneath my back, and the scratchy soft material of a hospital gown across my chest.

My fractured memories came back in a rush. Heat, burning heat. My Alpha’s soothing cedar scent above me, his gentle kisses against my gland, the mind-numbing euphoria of his purrs filling my chest. The scent of his spend driving me wild with need. The ache in my core, growing unbearable as he inexplicably drew away from me. The desperation racking my body with sobs, my scent sharp with the anxiety of heat abandonment. The sound of steel shattering, the smell of another Alpha warm, strong and safe like sunshine and old books. The comfort of being held against a broad chest warring with the fear and wrongness of my Alpha getting left behind. Fighting against the mindless Omega space that threatened to pull me under. Leaving the cell, my body jostling as I was carried up stairs, the humid outdoor air hitting my flushed skin. The sound of jet turbines, the leather edge of a seat buckle. Beta scents: Citrus and saltwater; Roses and rainwater. A bonded Alpha— Motor oil and whiskey. Fear for my Alpha. Where was my Alpha? A soothing hand dragging up and down my back. Darkness.

I jolted back to the present all at once, opening my eyes to take in the plain white hospital room and hear the sound of the heart monitor next to me pick up as I began to panic again. Who had brought me here? Where was Bucky? Was he alive? Were we safe? I couldn’t scent anything over the powerful antiseptic smell of the hospital, sending my thoughts spiraling further.

Who had changed my clothes? The dirt underneath my fingernails had been scrubbed clean. The symptoms of my sympathy heat were gone, though the heat itself had jumbled my memories. Someone had plaited my hair in a french braid behind my head.

I sat up, groaning as the familiar post-heat aches and pains protested throughout my muscles. Before I could swing my legs over the side of the bed, the handle to the only door out of the room turned and a red-haired woman stepped in. She had large, soulful eyes and beautiful features, and as her cinnamon-sweet bonded Omega scent drifted towards me, I immediately felt myself relax. “Y/N?” the woman said gently. Her voice carried an Eastern European lilt to it. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place where I knew her.

“Where am I?” My voice was surprisingly raspy, and I coughed to clear my throat. How long had I been out? I swung my legs over the side of the bed, hissing as my feet hit the cold tile floor. Wanda joined me on the edge of the bed, putting a few feet of distance between us.

“You’re in a safe place— the Avengers compound in New York. My name is Wanda,” she said soothingly, leaning into her dulcet Omega voice. Holy shit, the Scarlet Witch.

“I know you,” I gasped. Her lips quirked up on the sides in an amused smirk. “I mean— From TV,” I corrected, shaking my head. “Where’s Bucky?”

She looked surprised I asked, quirking her head to the side. “Nowhere near us. You’re safe here,”  she answered slowly.

What a weird response. Why wouldn’t I be safe?

“I mean, I figured it was safe… I’m in one of the most heavily fortified buildings in the world. But can I… see him?” I felt shy, suddenly, for asking. I barely knew him. But we’d made it through something terrible together, and I felt… connected to him. Maybe he didn’t want to see me at all. Maybe he has another Omega.

“Maybe… later,” she said, then reached out to place a hand on the wrist restraints. “Sorry to leave these on you. I know the pain they cause. We didn’t know how you’d react when you woke up in a strange place, especially post-heat. Do you feel comfortable having an Alpha come in here to remove them? I will stay here with you. And he’s bonded.”

I nodded mutely. She was treating me like I was a delicate flower, like any minute I would wilt and snap. It’s not like I hadn’t been alone in a room with an Alpha before. But then again, the last time I had been, we’d almost bonded in a frenzied, drug-induced haze. Alpha, my Omega sighed, suddenly reminded of the heat, the arousal, his scent, what we’d almost done. Find Alpha.

I’d never felt a pull to an Alpha like this before. Ever. Usually, they smelled too strong, filled up too much space, made me feel small and weak despite my inner certainty that I was anything but. Away from him, now, I felt… adrift.

Wanda crossed the room to rummage through a clinical looking chest of drawers, pulling out a sweatshirt and soft pants. “Once Tony gets you out of these restraints, you can have a shower and get into something cozy,” she offered.

“Stark?” I choked.  They were really gearing up to introduce me to all of the freaking Avengers.

“That would be me, Y/N,” said the Alpha, easing the door to the room open with a quick rap of his knuckles on the frame. It was jarring to see Iron Man clad in jeans and a baseball tee. I’d only ever seen him buttoned up in a suit and tie on TV press conferences, or hidden behind black shades in tabloid images. His scent was strangely familiar, too— harsh and spicy, like motor oil, mixed with what I could only assume was his Omega’s gentle strawberry smell. “But you can call me Tony.”

“Tony,” I said, starstruck. My father, and by extension— me— had idolized him growing up. Now, he was carrying a sleek black and gold device that he waved in front of me.

“We’re using a little handheld vita ray action here to deactivate your restraints,” Tony explained. “Just hold tight for a second.”

I held out my wrists to him, away from my lap, and he activated the vita rays, sending what looked like a blue laser beam to cut straight through the middle of the metal. The restraints creaked and groaned as they released, cracking in half. Before they could hit the floor, a swirling orb of red energy appeared beneath them, lifting them gently into the air to rest on the bed next to me. I looked up to see Wanda’s eyes and hands glowing softly in the same color. Sick.

“Thanks,” I breathed, rubbing my wrists, the relief imminent. The pain no longer seared through my forearms, and I could feel the familiar burst of energy from my chest down to the tips of my fingers. Just to test, I held my hand out in front of me, seeking out a few molecules of water in the dry, filtered hospital air and freezing them instantaneously, falling like bits of hail into my palm.

“That’s a cool party trick,” Tony said. I closed my palm, feeling the ice melt against my skin. How embarrassing. “We’ve always needed someone to help make sure our groceries stay at the right temperature.”

I scoffed. Knothead. “I was just kidnapped by Hydra, endured a sympathy heat unprepared and had my abilities stunted by a magical pair of handcuffs. You can scrutinize me again after I get nine hours and a decent cup of coffee.”

Tony barked out a surprised laugh, turning around to leave the room. “I like this one,” he said to Wanda, before disappearing out the door, what remained of my restraints clutched in his hand.

Wanda rolled her eyes at his back, then turned to face me with her hands on her hips. “Well Y/N, if you’re up for it— let me show you to your room.”