#brothers from an abusive household who used to at least have each other

[twothpaste]

so how's picky like in your intermission au? it's pretty obvious by now that porky's an immature slimey huckster who needs to be knocked down a peg in it but how does his 17 year old brother compare to him? he does seem to be aware of the nonsense porky tries to pull, so does he learn from his older brother on How To Not Act When You're An Adult?

Picky is literally just some kid who's trying his best, while his dearest relatives perpetually cannibalize each other around him, and it makes me so fucking emo on a primal level. The concept of One Decent Person caught up in a family of absolute ghouls, who loves his brother & parents unconditionally, but realizes with age that he cannot change who they are, much less save them from themselves?? Augh. God!!!!

Intermission Picky - who'd rather ya call him Peter - harbors a lot of increasingly bitter sentiments toward Porky. Learned to be meek and avoid trouble in his brother's shadow, only to end up an awkward avoidant people-pleaser by the time he's a teenager. Hates conflict, struggles to muster any self esteem, gets anxious whenever he's having a good time 'cause he still expects Porky or his folks will somehow ruin it for him. Peter's got a personality like a wet piece of cardboard, and now that he's old enough to recognize why, he absolutely hates it. He makes meager efforts to stand up for himself, which his family usually answers with mockery. He likes spending time with Tracy & Ness, and high school friends, but feels an awful gnawing jealousy in his guts when he recognizes how "normal" their families are by comparison. He learned from his brother that crypto schemes and reddit stocks won't earn him a living, yet given his shitty upbringing, he's kinda terrified he won't have the social skills to cut it at a "real job." Nonetheless, he's trying his desperate darnedest, 'cause he knows there's no other way out for him. Kid's having a very, very rough time being seventeen 😢

Deep down Peter wishes so achingly bad he could convince his family to see the error in their ways. He never wants to stoop to their level, and feels horrid whenever he catches himself thinking hurtful thoughts & repeating their behaviors. Aspires to be more like Ness - easygoing and selflessly kind - even though he lacks the emotional experience or support to do so. He keeps trying to give Porky & his folks second chances out of the sheer goodness of his heart, even though it keeps blowing up in his face. One of these days he'll have to give up, and try to figure out how to be a real person separate from all that trauma & drama. (Whenever I get around to it, the next Intermission AU fic is probably gonna be The Picky One 🥲)

[911lonestar911imagines]

The Creek - Evan 'Buck' Buckley x Reader 1/?

Summary: You grew up being best friends with the Buckley Siblings, all three of you coming from rough homes, but one by one everybody left, leaving you on your own to deal with it all..until one day you're able to tell Evan everything you wanted to the day he left.

Warnings: Mentions of drug use (cocaine), mentions/implications of past child abuse, implications that the father and friends are creeps.

A/N: Hello again, I am back! This is a new series I'm working on, this isn't edited or proof-read, so just lmk what you think!

You were only 6 whenever you met the Buckley’s, you had just moved into their neighborhood, taking residence in the home right next to theirs, you got really close with Maddy and Evan, you always met them in the creek a few blocks away of your guys’s houses. They never liked being home because their brother wasn’t there or their parents always yelled at Evan, and you never liked being home because your dad was really mean whenever he’d have his friends over to smell sugar together, which you always thought was weird until you were older and realized what exactly they were doing.

It became a ritual for years, always meeting them at the creek, you’d go on adventures, discovering new hidden spots around the creek where you’d play different imaginary games, but one day..Maddy wasn’t there anymore. Just Evan.

You pushed the branches from in front of you to reveal just the boy you watched grow from a little boy into a teenage boy, awkward acne covering his face, his hair dangling in front of his blood shot swollen eyes. “Hey Evan..what’s wrong?…is your sister hanging out with doug today?” You asked, disgust dripping in your voice whenever you mentioned her boyfriend “Maddie decided to move in with him..she’s gone..” he whispered, his voice cracking, you frowned rushing over hugging him tightly “are you okay?..I’m here for you Evan” you assured him squeezing him tightly, fighting off your own tears.

You two still met by the creek everyday, opening up more to each other day by day about what was going on at home, you ended up going to prom together, he was your escape from what was going on at home, the drug abuse got worse, and him and his friends got a lot creepier towards you now that you were getting older. After one night though, after a really bad fight with your dad, you rushed to the creek, your lip still dripping blood, your cheekbone slowly swelling and bruising, your sobs broke the silence in the air as you broke through the branches, and yet..nobody. Evan wasn’t there. Maybe something had happened at home?

You couldn’t think, you just ran, desperate to hear his words that somehow always comforted you, as you approached his house you saw his parents outside screaming towards Maddie’s jeep, Evan appearing from behind it holding a duffel bag “I don’t need this! I’m leaving!” He yelled before climbing in slamming the door, the tires squealing as he pulled off, and just for a moment, you thought at least, your teary eyes locked with his hate-filled ones. He just sped past, by now you had wiped the blood from your lip, making eye contact with his parents before shaking your head in disgust heading back to the house you so desperately wanted to run from just like Evan had done, why hadn’t he told you? He didn’t he take you with him? He knew what was going on at home, so why didn’t he?

You spent another 3 years in that home before finally leaving, moving with your friend who ended up getting a beach house from her parents in LA. You ended up getting a job babysitting a few kids that lived near your home, one kid specifically had most of your time, his father was a full-time firefighter and he had lost his mother not to long ago, so you were always trying to cheer him up.

As you walked into the Diaz household, you were greeted by your favorite noise, Christopher squealing and laughing from the living room "Alright, come on, Buck we gotta get to work before Bobby sends Hen out for us" You heard Eddie say to somebody "Eddie!? I'm here! Has Mr. Diaz eaten yet?" You called chuckling, it was something you had started calling Christopher after he had a bad day at school, you acted like a butler for the day taking him to do whatever he wanted that day, ever since then the name just stuck. "He has! his Buck took him out to eat at the pier this morning!" Eddie shouted back, you smiled walking through the doorway freezing right where you stood as you made eye contact with someone you swore you'd punch in the face next time you saw him. Evan fucking Buckley. "Oh hey! Buck this is Ms. Y/n, Ms. Y/n this is Buck!" Christopher cheered, Eddie picked up on your nervousness, coughing awkwardly nudging Buck forward who extended a hand out "Evan Buckley, but my friends call me Buck" He smiled, goddamnit that smile, you gulped down a sneer as you grabbed his hand going to shake it "Have we met you look really familiar?" He asked as you shook his hand smiling "Nope." You quickly replied "Alright come on, we're gonna be late" Eddie said, you watched as realization washed over Evan's face as he watched you the entire way out of the door.

"Eddie, you don't understand, I know her! and..I kinda did something messed up" Buck said as they climbed out of the firetruck heading towards the locker rooms to change, he had been trying to convince Eddie he knew you for 23 hours now, and finally, Eddie decided to humor him, letting him explain everything on the way to drop Buck off.

Whenever Eddie got home, he found Christopher fast asleep in his room, you posted up outside of his doorway in the hall, fast asleep leaning against the wall. "Hey, Y/n/n, come on, let's get you to the guest bed" He whispered, helping your still half asleep self to his guest bedroom, letting you fall asleep in there for the rest of the night.

You hadn't seen Evan again in three days, anytime you went to babysit Chris, Eddie would always give you a sympathetic look before leaving and it started to get under your skin, to the point where on your day off you drove to the firehouse, waiting patiently with the fire captain, Bobby Nash, for Evan to come in for a 'meeting'. You watched as Bobby nodded to the entrance where Evan walked in confused "I'll send him up for you" He said, giving you the same sympathetic look Eddie did as he left. You waited a few moments before Evan appeared at the top of the staircase "Y/n?" He asked nervously, scratching the back of his neck as he approached the chair in front of you. "I always said if I ever saw you again..I'd punch the little smile off of your face" You whispered, fidgeting with your nails, Buck sighed, his knee bouncing anxiously, waiting for the yelling and fighting that always came whenever he was a child getting reprimanded, but you just sat there. As he looked up he noticed the tears falling from your eyes onto your pantlegs "I-I was so worried about you, Evan" You whimpered quietly "Y-you left without even telling me anything..I-I thought I did something wrong, Evan" You continued, your broken voice slowly turning to a sob "I-I'm so sorry, y/n..I-I was hurting..and I needed to take time away, t-to find myself without hurting anybody I loved" He explained, His explanation just angered and upset you more "I was hurting! I was hurting, Evan! I told you about my dad! about his friends! everything I went through! you were my person, Evan! t-the one person i could cry to without being laughed at!" You cried pushing him off of you whenever he attempted to hug you "you left me, Evan. You left me there to die so you could save yourself. some firefighter" You scoffed, your face was red from crying, your entire body was shaking, you felt dizzy and like your legs were slowly turning into sand, your breathing was way faster than it should've been, you needed to get out.

As you approached the stairs, your vision was filled with spots and you knew this is where your walk ended for now. Eddie was quick to notice you as soon as he heard your shouts, rushing up the stairs skipping them three at a time to get to you right as you fell forward. Just by an inch he caught you, slowly lowering you down as he looked at Buck "Get me the med-kit and lifevac from the truck" He demanded, Buck quick to rush around the two of you to the ambulance, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, but as he lifted the bag from the ambulance the lump in his throat burst into sobs, he rushed up the stairs handing the supplies to Eddie looking at him "W-What do I do?" He whimpered.

You woke up not too long after that, your head was rested on Eddie's thigh as he watched the small machine monitoring your heartbeat, you took notice to someone holding onto your hand uncomfortably tight, you could feel something dripping onto your knuckles but from the way your body was positioned you couldn't see. "There she is, welcome back, Y/n" Bobby greeted, knelt a few feet in front of you, only now do you notice you've been moved to the carpeted part of the floor upstairs where you and Evan spoke. "I-I'm sorry, I need to go" You started but Eddie just rested his hand on your shoulder "You need to take it slow....That was almost a nasty fall, and your heart rate is still elevated" He said gently, you took his advice slowly sitting up, you could feel his hand resting on your upper back to help you support yourself until you were confident enough to do it on your own.

Once you were up, you saw him, Evan was still sat on the floor, off to the side holding your hand tightly, his leg bent slightly as it shook, his face almost resembling yours from earlier "Buckley, Easy on the hand" Bobby whispered gently to him, rubbing his shoulder gently, you had explained the situation to Bobby whenever you first got there, and while he knew Buck had somewhat of a dark past, he didn't think anything about the old friend Evan talked about. Bobby felt terrible for you both, seeing how much pain you were both in, he had met you before, he just knew you as Y/n the sweet babysitter that happily takes care of Chris. As Buck loosened his grip, you left your hand resting in his, you weren't sure if you should leave and never talk to anybody ever again, or maybe for a moment, you thought of staying, ignoring the glances of sympathy from others who now know your childhood story.

You stayed there for another hour before Eddie let you leave 'I just want to make sure you're okay' he'd tell you every time you asked to leave. As you sat on your couch in a daze you almost never noticed the knocking on your door, instead of answering like usual, you just shouted to come in, not moving from your position on your couch, covered in a blanket with your arms around your knees that were pulled to your chest. "I-I know you probably don't wanna see me but-" Evan's voice was cut off by Christopher's cheers as he made his way to you, wrapping his arms around you "Dad said you got sick today, so...I made Buck bring me over to take care of you!" He smiled, you could feel yourself starting to cry as you examined his happy cheerful face. Christopher was without a doubt the most thoughtful selfless boy you had ever met, so caring and sweet, and you were so happy to have him and his father as friends. Chris frowned sitting next to you as he hugged you as tight as he could "It's okay y/n.." He whispered, all you could do was hug him back, unable to say anything as Evan slowly walked over to sit on your recliner across from the couch "How about..I make us your favorite snack" He smiled getting up from his spot next to you to take the grocery bag from Evan rushing as fast as he could to the kitchen.

You were left in the living room with Evan, the air was thick as you tried to avoid his gaze "y/n.." He whispered, you could hear him shuffling around before feeling the cushion dip down next to you. "P-Please don't, Evan" You whimpered "I physically cannot handle this" You whispered, trying to stay strong, but once you met his gaze you folded, his curls were hanging infront of his puffy bloodshot eyes and all of a sudden you were kids again, Maddie had just moved out and you were at the creek. "I'm so sorry...I-I thought about you every day..I even tried to come back..to get you..or at least see you but your dad would tell me you left..or you ran off..or some random story.." He whispered "I never stopped looking for you..I left because Maddie ditched our plans of seeing the country..but once I realized I truly loved you, y/n..I always came back for you..I just..never found you until you showed up at Eddie's" He explained, his voice breaking, you could tell it was already strained "I have never cared more for anybody in this world than I did for you, and I was so fucking stupid for leaving you behind" He whispered, his breaking voice turned into a stifled sob whenever you fell into his chest, his arms wrapping around you tightly in a hug as you cried into your blanket "I hoped for you to come back every single time I had to deal with things alone..but you never did, Evan..so I left" You cried gripping onto his shirt

You ended up eating snacks and watching star wars with the boys until Chris ended up having to go home for the night, Evan promising he'd come back to you. You sat in the same spot waiting, watching the clock, your mind flashing back to all of the moments you'd spend watching the clock imagining Evan busting in to whisk you away but he never did. You turned slightly, watching the door, starting to imagine him walking through, the cute little smile he always had presenting itself as he walked in, but right as you started thinking that, the door opened. Buck walked in soaked from rain water, You smiled a bit "Didn't you have a jacket whenever you left?" You asked trying to hide your giggles "It started to pour and I didn't want Christopher's crutches to get wet or anything so I wrapped them in my jacket and a spare one I had in the truck" He explained sitting down next to you sighing "Evan!!" You groaned "You're gonna get my couch soaked!" You continued throwing your head back giggling, Evan smiled at you, not saying anything just admiring your smile and laugh.

You slowly looked at him noticing his stare "What's wrong?" You asked, nervousness starting to spread through your body "Nothing...I just..missed you" He whispered before bringing you into a hug, you sighed relaxing in his company, right as he went to kiss the top of your head gently, you went to look up at him, causing your lips to meet just right, neither of you pulled away though, Evan was as gentle as he could be. His fingertips felt like feathers as they gently cupped your cheek, your lips moving in sync together, the rain pattering softly on your window as you finally pulled away from each other.

"what now?.." You asked nervously.

[5a-alf]

I have been obsessing over this perfect court!AU and have literally like one irl friend to talk about it with. So.

The thing about Riko is that he never ever ever could have been anything different. He has at least one but probably two personality disorders (narcisism and antisocial i'd argue), which are the result of the abuse he endured. From a young age he was only an object, a spare, or the embodiment of an idea.

Others are redeemable because they are people, but he never really was a person in his own right. So he got worse and worse and worse, and we all know what he did.

I wanted a story where he could have something different, for i feel there is no universe in which he ends in a different way: everything he has is a childish dream, and that would have failed at some point anyway. And with failure comes death. I think his brother would have killed him even without the whole clusterfuck of the last game, just because without Kengo the main line was now only one adult and the 'branch' one was 2, which is one too many. Between Riko and Testuji, killing Riko made the most sense because Testuji had no interest in power, he just liked his dolls; also he was already an expert at his job, while Riko would have to learn/train to fill that role. And obviously age is also a factor, Riko is young, Testuji is middle-aged: for ichirou, a young man, the second is less threatening.

I could go on for hours guys im not even joking

For him to have a different future, he is not even the only thing that needs to change. If he was a good person, he'd have been dead earlier. If he was an okay person too. Maybe as morally gray he'd have the same exact life with a little less enemies.

What needs to change with him is the people he has around, his safety net. He has zero people on his side in canon (And he shouldn't have them, mind, he's horrid. But still, out of every bad person in aftg he is the only one who no one loves), he only has followers and pawns. So for an AU to work, he would need to change in a way that would affect the people he surrounds himself with enough to once again reach the show down with Ichirou and "win" against Testuji.

To do that, i think he needs Neil on his side. Kevin is great dont get me wrong, but he doesnt get it the way neil does. Neil gets the mafia, its way of thinking, its deals and the way power moves. Neil know how to be vicious and how to read people and how to push just enough.

To have a 'good' relationship with neil something needs to go differently during the selling, so that his mom doesnt run away with him. But he'd also need to have a good relationship with kevin first. For him to have a different relationship woth kevin i dont think he'd necessarily need to be better morally, he'd just need to be a better manipulator. In canon he controls people with fear/violence/money, but the best way to control people is actually through love/favors. To train a dog, you better give it treats than beat it. I think this way they would end up with a better relationship but also, the better relationship would in turn make him a better person, and the two things would continue to feed each other.

Neil comes in now. He is 10, Riko and Kevin are 12. The thing with Neil (aside from all i've already said) is that Riko would quite literally own him at this point, the same way he then owns Jean. The main difference between the two situations i think would be 1) their personalities 2) their age. At 16 (Jean 14) Riko is already off the deep end. Waay too deep. But at 12? Different story.

For the first point, mostly i'd say that Neil grew up in an abusive household like jean did, but he knew his father as the butcher, as a mafioso, and he was taught how to use knives ecc as a kid. He knew the drill, he knew the life. Jean was completely uprooted, brought into a different country, told to play a game i dont think he knew anything about. Much more jarring. Neil already loved Exy, he wanted to play it all the time; the sport itself would be a good motivator for good behaviour. Jean was just angry angry angry (fair.) and alone in a different country. So. Not the same. I think Raven!Neil would be the one person on the team not afraid to tell Riko off, but also not afraid of his violence (much more restricted in this au guys), and riko is also not scared of Neil's violence (a bit more than in canon, he grew at castle evermore; he is nathaniel) so they find solace in each other. He'd know when to listen and when to mouth off [Riko saying "nathaniel" vs "neil" and things like that]

Second point is their age, because at 12 riko is more susceptible to change than he is at 16, so building a rapport with neil would prove more beneficial, for all i've said in point one.

Jean would be a harder case. Bringing him to heel is much more complicated, because riko doesnt have anything to leverage against him nor offer him, the guy has nothing to lose anymore and now is not enough of a person to desire anything (well. Anything obtainable. He'd like to be free for sure). I think again a lot of the work would be done by neil (and kevin too obv, but neil mostly, as his partner) because they are the same age, play the same role, are partners. Neil would be a centainty. And this better riko wouldnt be violent to destroy his spirit, he'd be "forgiving" (when useful) and bandage his wounds when the Master beats him, and be generally kind to a kid who is so starved for kindness he'd kill himself to at least get the touch of death. That + group mentality and i think jean would be on board too.

Andrew also factors in all of this, but i'll go on later this has gotten SO LONG and i wont even reread it gosh i hope it makes sense.

Basically this whole thing ends up in: take the insanity that is andreil as a couple but that somehow is the sanest couple out there but extend it to the perfect court 5.

[flightlessfinch]

garden song by phoebe bridgers / the black brothers.

"the doctor put her hands over my liver she told me my resentment's getting smaller"

in the house of black, resentment and anger is a birthright. it's passed down from parent to child, and the only escape is estrangement. if you're disinherited, you cannot inherit your mother's rage.

this song makes me think of both of the black brothers, but especially sirius. being scapegoated for your entire life will build resentment toward the golden child whether you want the anger to be there or not. sirius loves his brother, but in childhood they were not only brothers, best friends, but rivals for their parents' love and affection. favouritism is toxic. it builds a rift between children. at ten, regulus learned that association with his own brother would sour his image in his parents' eyes. he lived in fear of becoming him. he'd been taught that he could only earn love with obedience and "goodness." sirius' abuse was a tool orion and walburga used to exert control over regulus. "if you're bad, if you're anything like your brother, this will be you. we won't love you anymore." when you are a child, losing your parents' love is the subject of nightmares.

their gentle treatment of regulus served as another tool of abuse toward sirius. "we care capable of being loving, patient, and gentle. just not to you, because you are wrong, and bad, and broken. you are a rotten child. if you were different, we would love you." they had completely different childhoods under the same roof.

children growing up in abusive households don't have a baseline for "normal." abuse is normal to them. they don't know it's abusive or bad until they are much older, and reflect on their experiences in childhood (if they even remember, which oftentimes they don't. trauma gets written over by the brain all the time). sirius likely thought he was evil, and bad, and broken when he was a kid. he was told he deserved it by his parents, and they're his parents, so he believed them. he loved his mother and father. he was hungry for their love in return, but he couldn't do anything right in their eyes.

the scapegoat cannot earn love with "goodness" or obedience. everything they do is wrong.

sirius grew up angry. he was taught his emotions weren't important, and he was punished for expressing himself, so his quiet childhood anger grew louder and louder. he was hungry for love, but he learned love was impossible for him to acquire, so he settled for attention. hatred can be a substitute for love. at least when he was hated he wasn't invisible.

"i grew up here 'til it all went up in flames except the notches in the door frame"

sirius and regulus had a complicated relationship that often toed the line between love and hatred, because every lesson they learned about love taught them that it is conditional and transactional. they loved each other but it was in a stormy, inconstant way. they fought like cats. the bond between brothers is vicious in a way a relationship with anyone else could never be. they were in each others first memories, they don't remember what it's like not to have a brother (until sirius learns, and realizes estrangement and death are more different than he imagined when he left. "you're dead to me" is one thing, death is quite another).

they are the only two people on earth who know what it was like to grow up in that house.

i don't think they ever apologized to each other for anything. they've said unforgivable things to each other over and over again, and didn't address a word of it once the anger faded, just like their parents. they were close when they were kids because sirius hadn't ruined himself in his parents' eyes yet. likely, before sirius was sorted into gryffindor he was his parents' favourite child because he was their heir.

regulus was more than likely an afterthought most of the time for the first ten years of his life. he isn't as charming, handsome, or outgoing as sirius, which probably resulted in negative comparisons. "why can't you be more like sirius? why are you so shy?" that sort of thing. he grew up hungry for love, and sirius grew up nourished by it because he was golden.

then, he revealed his "flaw" and his parents turned on him. this must have been terrifying. regulus, after being an afterthought for his entire life, was suddenly the favourite. despite sirius' suffering, regulus must have been quietly happy about this for a long time. children aren't as empathetic as adults are. they're also selfish, it's developmentally normal. regulus didn't understand why sirius couldn't just be "good" and stop making their parents angry. he didn't understand that no matter what sirius did, there would always be a fault in it.

to his parents sirius was a rotten, bad child. no matter how much you wash rotten fruit, it won't unripen. he was doomed. he probably tried to please them, especially when he was younger (first to fourth year, i'd say, before he learned that his childhood was not normal). he was clever, he probably brought home perfect marks with the hope that his parents would offer him a crumb of affection, and was left disappointed every single time. which resulted in more rebellion because if he was going to be bad in their eyes no matter what, why would he even try to make them happy?

regulus didn't have friends like james or remus to help him understand that his childhood was abusive. if you believe his friends were people like barty crouch jr and evan rosier, both of them probably had similar childhood experiences to regulus. the rosier family is also old, traditional pure-bloods. barty canonically has a horrible relationship with his dad, which his mother seemingly enabled if not normalized. she obviously loved barty a lot, but she also failed to protect him from his father's anger.

because he didn't understand how abusive his parents were to him as well as sirius, he probably blamed sirius for his own suffering. when he talked about it with his friends, barty and evan probably would have agreed with him. "they're nice to you, they'd be nice to him too if he wasn't such a shit-stirrer. he's doing it for attention." he was taught to hate his brother. his parents indirectly told him with their actions that sirius didn't deserve love, and as they grew older and grew apart, when sirius found unconditional love and acceptance outside of their family, regulus' resentment toward sirius turned into hatred.

regulus was a lonely child. he was shown over and over again that he could not be himself or he would not be loved by his family. he was taught that he couldn't be close with his own brother. as a subconscious form of self-preservation he likely distanced himself from sirius regardless, because if he knew him and loved him less it wouldn't hurt so much to inevitably see him be abused right in front of him. to survive, regulus made himself so small he hardly existed. he didn't interfere with his parents' punishments and harsh words for sirius because if he did, he would lose the only source of acceptance and love in his life.

sirius watched regulus watch him suffer and do nothing. he decided he was a coward, and he didn't love him enough to help him.

"i don't know when you got taller see our reflection in the water"

sirius waited until his sixth year to run away. i think if regulus wasn't in that house he would have ran away from home much sooner.

when you are the older sibling in an abusive household you feel a sense of responsibility to protect your younger sibling. you are automatically parentified. your parents are not to be trusted, so your little brother comes to you with the big, scary questions he has. you become independent and self-sufficient. you stand between your abusive parent and your brother because you don't want him to get hurt. you grow up fast because if you don't you'll suffer more, and your sibling will suffer more too.

sirius was taught that he deserved the hatred he experienced, and he knew if he left the hatred would have nowhere to go but his brother. the idea of leaving him alone there, and not knowing whether or not he was safe, whether or not his parents were in a rage, whether or not regulus had a question that needed answering that he couldn't bring to their parents, made sirius feel obligated to stay.

this brings us back to resentment.

regulus blamed sirius for their parents abuse. sirius blamed regulus for the abuse he experienced, because he was staying in that house for him, so every terrible thing he experienced, every harsh word, was for regulus. all of this, while regulus didn't believe they were being abused at all.

i imagine regulus wasn't grateful that sirius stayed. he probably thought he was stupid for not leaving whenever he had a chance. he probably said so every single time sirius went to him for comfort after something awful happened in that house. they had explosive fights about this, the kind of fights you can only have with your brother. this went on for two years, until something truly horrific happened and sirius had to go.

"i hopped the fence when i was 17 then i knew what i wanted"

even if you have to get out to survive, leaving an abuser is hard. sirius still loved his parents, and he loved his brother. he must have felt guilty for not being the son they wanted, despite his rage toward them. abusers are not abusive all the time. he likely has fond memories with both of his parents, as well as his brother. his mother's hands were gentle as often as they were harsh, and the emotional confusion that is created with that sort of inconsistency will result in guilt when a child thinks of their parent in a negative light.

regulus likely compounded this when they discussed it. "our parents aren't abusive. you're ungrateful. you want to be coddled. they're hard on us because they want us to be strong. you shouldn't speak that way about our mother. she says she does everything out of love for us, she's our mother, sirius, do you really think she's a monster?" sirius doesn't think she's a monster, he thinks she's cruel, and abusive, because his friends helped him to see her honestly.

in canon, when he discusses regulus' blood supremacist beliefs, sirius says: "...my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them..." (referring to their parents). i don't think that this mindset, for regulus, stopped at blood supremacy. regulus is always trapped in his parents' version of their childhood, and he is so emotionally invested in it that seeing his own childhood any other way is unthinkable to him. if his parents are abusive and unloving, and he has spent his whole life making himself small to appease them, how could he live with that reality? how could he bear it? it is a sunk-cost fallacy.

every punishment regulus was ever given, he was convinced he deserved. sirius knew it wasn't fair. they couldn't see eye to eye.

the night sirius left, i think regulus realized he was right about their parents. i think he thought they abused sirius, but not him. he realized that the way their parents treated sirius couldn't possibly be normal. i think he died believing his parents didn't abuse him. the guilt he must have felt about this is unfathomable. believing his brother was abused and for some reason he was not, when regulus was abused, is so painful.

regulus quietly resented sirius for leaving him behind. in his ugliest, most selfishly human moments he viewed it as a lack of love, not entirely self-preservation. his self-esteem was undoubtedly already terrible because of the nature of his parents inconsistent and conditional love, when sirius finally left regulus probably internalized his absence as proof that there is something fundamentally unlovable about him. they didn't speak after sirius left, even at school. if regulus spoke to sirius, he knew he might get in trouble for it. there must have been a sense of betrayal, no matter how justified sirius was for leaving. regulus doesn't seem like he would be able to handle guilt well. sirius represents a lot of unpleasant emotion for regulus. regulus represents a lot of unpleasant emotion for sirius. they probably both actively avoided each other.

it didn't help that there was another, external barrier rising between them.

they went to opposite sides of the war. regulus found community and acceptance among the death eaters. sirius found community and acceptance with the marauders and the order of the phoenix.

"no, i'm not afraid of hard work i get everything i want i have everything i wanted"

by his sixth year, regulus has everything he always wanted as a child. his parents' undivided attention and love. friends. power. it is bittersweet.

by his seventh year, sirius has everything he always wanted as a child. a home far away from his family. freedom. boundless love. it is bittersweet.

their differences are irreconcilable.

sirius heals the wound of his childhood and tries to build a life he is proud of, but it is impossible to escape the shadow of his family. they haunt him. he worries about his brother the same way he did when they were kids, but he knows he cannot stand up for him anymore. it was too much. he had to save himself. he knows the danger regulus is in, and the dark path he is walking down, but he can't help him because regulus doesn't want to be helped.

you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

"everything's growing in our garden you don't have to know that it's haunted"

[jemappellezay]

I'm on my Cobie Smulders hyperfixation and I really think my top 3 characters that she played could easily be seen as an alternate universe variant of each other.

Hear me out.

(tw: mentions of abuse and death)

While we don't know the full background of Major Susan Turner (Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)), we know that both Maria Hill (Marvel Cinematic Universe (2012-2023)) and Dex Parios (Stumptown (2019)) were both born into dysfunctional families and those three ended up in the military one way or another. The roles we saw were the result of twists and turns that happened during that time.

We all know MCU sucks when it comes to backstory, but (comic) canonically, Maria Hill's mother died giving birth to her and she grew up in an abusive household with her father. She joined the Marine Corps later in life.

Maria Hill was the outcome if they were offered a "better" option—an out. She joined SHIELD and due to her determination and skill, she quickly climbed up the ranks to the point where she became the second in command (even director at some point in the comics).

Dex Parios, undoubtedly, was the most "unserious" character compared to the other two. Though, she was more like Maria than we realized. Her growing-up life was somewhat alright compared to Maria's, but she did have to see the love of her life betrothed to another. Just like Maria, she became a marine—a damn good one.

However, unlike Maria, Dex was never offered a "better option". She had to see the very same man that broke her heart killed in front of her and for years, she blamed herself for it. She never had a "better option" because her mother then left her little brother alone, making her the sole caretaker of him. Dex was never offered a "better option" so for years, she had to hop between one job to another, trying to stay afloat, and was left to cope with her trauma by herself. Only years later, she finally found what worked for her: helping people by becoming a private investigator.

Compared to the other two that I listed, we know a lot less about Major Susan Turner, but I think we can make some guesses from what we saw. Another difference was that she joined the Army rather than the Marines, and she never got out. She didn't really need to (at first, at least).

The life in the army was treating her well. She was a well-respected commanding officer. She was damn good at her job. That being said, she never let her job get in the way of her values and despite all the conspiracy and shits they tried to throw at her, she ended up back in her job due to her resilience. Major Susan Turner is what they would've been if they stayed in the military.

In conclusion, idk if my writings did justice to explain it, but they were more similar than we (I) realized. They were all resilient, determined, stubborn af and didn't know when to quit. They were good people (some is more morally gray than the other) who used their very similar skills to help other people in the way they knew. I love them all, and I love Cobie for bringing them to me and doing justice to their characters.

Thanks for reading my word vomit.

[filletedfennysnake]

💛🧑‍❤️‍💋‍🧑 For the ask game :^)

💛 (Sibling Dynamic That is NOT the Orkneys): okay so I know I’ve talked about this in the discord and pretty much all of it is in the realm of Headcannon Land but. daniel dindan brunor. I’ve thought about them so much… daniel, the oldest brother and the favorite, the only cis man and therefore the only child who could live up to his father’s expectations. dinadan, the middle child who can’t win– when he tries to apply himself to knightly activities, his father attribute his failures to his being intersex, and when he engages in things he actually enjoys (like music), his father insists he should stop because it’s not ‘manly’ (never mind that most knights know how to play an instrument). And baby brunor, the ‘daughter’ who knows he can never be open about himself so long as his father is alive, but secretly wishes to earn his respect. They’re probably equally spaced in age (maybe like a five year difference? Their mother probably had a lot of children but only they made it to adulthood), although dinadan and brunor are closer since dinadan basically raised him after their mother died in childbirth. dinadan was the more involved, naggy older brother who made sure that brunor ate and slept and had fitting clothes, whereas daniel was the detached, cooler older brother who taught him jousting and swordplay. daniel left home to go questing at a rather early age because he just. couldn’t take living with his father anymore (the guilt of leaving dinadan and brunor behind would never really leave him). dinadan got kicked out of the household some years later. After brunor sr. died (may or may not have been at the hands of his youngest son and not lancelot, as is so often claimed) brunor took his name, pronouns, and coat and set off into the world. what else. I think all three siblings have a weird relationship with dagonet. brunor thinks they’re in an age-gap situationship (They’re not. They’re the same age), dinadan has an antagonistic rivalry with him concerning who’s the Silliest Guy (dagonet thinks they’re flirting, but dinadan actually just. genuinely hates him). daniel had a fling with him once. dagonet only realized that all three of them were related years after the fact

🧑‍❤️‍💋‍🧑 (Crack Ship): there’s a fic that lives entirely in my head wherein enide and griflet are forced to spend the night in a spooky, secluded manor. a little will-they-won’t-they interspersed by flashbacks about eric’s shitty behavior (which build off each other– there’s a narrative happening in the present, in which enide has her own agency and is traveling with a dear friend who respects her, and one in the past, in which she’s. well basically I think eric abused her. god I’m so glad we all hate him). it would be a short fic; three chapters max. the climax would be 1) learning that enide killed eric with a dagger a couple years ago, with griflet helping her hide the body and 2) enide and griflet having sex. and then they would stay friends and not mention it ever again… anyway I think the dynamic would be neat. in erec et enide, griflet becomes a good pal of eric’s (at least I think that’s griflet. chretien used a spelling variation yet in gerald morris’ retelling, the sidekick guy is griflet sooo). but what if over time he realized just how badly eric was treating her? what if he kept hanging out with them because he was trying, in a confused and misaligned way, to protect her from eric’s attention. what if it got to the point where he considered killing eric himself. what if when she came to him one night crying and shaking and covered in eric’s blood he held her and told her how brave she was. and he burned the body himself and took her to camelot where he knew she’d get the necessary support as a widow. and he visits her over the years and starts brimming with feelings– romantic, platonic, sexual, he doesn’t even know– for the vibrant, funny, acerbic person she’s become after being freed from eric’s grip. and she starts thinking about him too, that silly, earnest man that she’s known for so many years. her friend! one of the few people who stood for her when it counted. but at the same time, she’s only just started allowing herself to want things again– food and respect and attention that doesn’t end in insults or bruises. the right to give as much of yourself as you want to another person, to not have everything taken from you by force. and that night at the manor, she realizes she’s ready to want him. and. and. and. anyway. I think enide/guinevere is objectively a better ship: griflet/enide is crack and not endgame for a reason. I do think there would be some ‘I didn’t help you then so I can’t possibly take advantage of you now’ versus ‘you see me mostly as a thing to protect yet in the end I had to save myself’ that would uh. yeah I don’t think they’d realistically be able to work through that. but it came to me in a dream and I want to believe it happened, however briefly. also I imagine that enide was finally able to gain a lot of weight after she killed eric, and I’m a big believer in giant woman/man who fits in her lap

[pyrondeeznutz]

Clockwork Headcanons

PT.01

Natalie Ouellettes past, upbringing, pre-murder headcanons.

CW: mentions of sexual abuse (I go into light detail about the abuse and the abusers mindset), domestic violence, gore, trauma, human experimentation

<NOTE> Same thing as the Ticci Toby headcanons, its a bit of a rewrite and I tried to keep the story realistic. Its not proofread so ignore typos and grammatical errors. Also again as a major warning, I went into some detail about Clockworks sexual trauma with her brother as I feel it does play a major part to her character and the reason why she developed the way she did. I have trigger warnings on the parts so you can skip it. Its very long because I have a lot of thoughts about her character. Enjoy 🔥

BIOGRAPHY .

PATIENT NAME: Natalie Ouellette

BIRTHDATE: November 6th, 1996

AGE: Currently 18 years old

HC/EC: Brown hair, green eyes

ETHNICITY: White Canadian

BIRTHPLACE: Windsor, Ontario

FAMILY: Mary-Beth Ouellette (mother), David Ouellette (father), Lucas Ouellette (brother)

DIAGNOSIS: Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, suspected/untreated Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

PIGTAILS .

Natalie grew up in a small trailer park. Her family was dirt broke, her father would blow all their money on booze and gambling

The financial situation in her household contributed significantly to her parents stress and fighting. Rarely was there ever a moment of peace

She would often make careless mistakes as any young child would like wetting the bed, drawing on walls, accidentally breaking things

And every time she made a mistake, she wasn’t simply taught how to do better, she was berated and ruthlessly beat by her father

Her childhood was unstable, to say the least. Natalies parents were more like enemies than they were caregivers.

She spent her peak developmental years being severely neglected and made to feel small and powerless.

At home she would spend her time alone in her room to hide away from the fighting between her parents or the random rants her drunken father would go on

She would get into the habit of running away just to spend some quiet time at the park by her house, anything to escape the chaos of her everyday life

At such a young age she didn’t know why she was so angry at the world. And at such a young age she would act out for attention and struggle with morals, empathy and societal norms as a result of never being taught any better

Her and her brother were severely emotionally neglected and grew up very poor, barely having food to eat or clean clothes to wear. This resulted to her being ostracized from her peers early on

DADDYS GIRL .

David Ouellette was a lazy, drunk, mean old man. He spent his life as a bully and would pick on anyone who challenged his authority, even his own children

He wasn’t afraid to use fear and violence to make his family obey. The man didn’t care who he hurt as long as he got his way

And this man regretted having children every single day of his life. He viewed them as burdens, a curse, and something he wasted his life on.

This included Natalie, who developed oppositional behavioural issues early on in defiance to her fathers abuse

Natalie had a mouth on her. She would talk back, make sarcastic or snarky remarks, boss other kids around. She would fight tooth and nail against her father for a sliver of power in her otherwise powerless life

And David hated being talked down to by a cocky brat like her. So over the years David would repeatedly beat his daughter into shape by grabbing her, hitting her with objects, slapping her, pushing and any other means to his ends of regaining control

Despite this strained relationship where the two would constantly fight for power, Natalie was a daddys girl. They developed a strange, twisted understanding in each other

David worked as a local trucker, but he ran a side hustle of repairing clocks. The man was a piece of shit and honestly a bit dumb when it came to booksmarts but he was good with his hands and a tinkerer

Her father was a classic trailer trash hick. He loved and owned guns, and would sometimes take his children out hunting. The only praise and a semblance of affection Natalie would receive from her father was when she was taking the life of another living being

MOMMY ISSUES .

Natalies mother was an unstable woman. She was very passive-aggressive and unpredictable in her parenting going from caring to cold in an instant

She was very controlling over her children, often resorting to berating and insulting Natalie to get her to act how she wanted

Mary-Beth spent her life chasing the teenage dream she never got when she was younger, and tried to project through her daughter

When she was a young child, Natalie learned quickly that her mother didn’t care about anybody but herself. Mary-Beth was a bitter woman, always playing the victim, and would die before ever admitting she was wrong

Even though her relationship with her father was bad, the girls relationship with her mother was worse. Davids abuse was in response to his children acting out of line, meanwhile her mother was unnecessarily critical, argumentative, and emotional

On multiple occasions her mother would leave the house in a dramatic fit as if she desired to be chased after. The woman would act out like a child and expect everyone to cater to her

And Natalie was never good enough for Mary-Beth. She wasn’t polite enough, smart enough, skinny enough. There was absolutely no pleasing her mother.

BLOOD BROTHER . (TW SEXUAL ABUSE MENTS)

The only person Natalie relied on in her life was her brother, Lucas. He was 4 and a half years older than her but it was that sort of quiet understanding between two children in such a hostile household

Despite their arguments and lack of true bond, the young girl felt safe with her older brother and always tried to impress him. All she wanted was the approval of some dominant figure in her life, and she certainly wasn’t getting it from her parents

Lucas was a strange boy. He was the anxious type who harboured a lot of internalized anger, especially towards his mother.

He was an outcast at school and similarly to his sister, he felt powerless in his life. The boy picked up on his mothers passive-aggressive traits and his fathers entitlement

As he grew and developed, so did his hunger for control and power. He wanted to degrade, assault, and dominate something in his life to make up for the lack of confidence

When Natalie was 9 years old, Lucas would begin to sexually abuse her.

The one person in her life that understood and felt the same pain she did turned on her. She was scared, ashamed, confused.

Repeatedly Lucas would approach his sister and assault her in various ways with little to no regard of the consequences or moral implications. He was desperate and even though it hurt her, it felt good to him.

BETRAYAL . (TW SEXUAL ABUSE MENTS)

Natalie was too young to even know what was happening to her, all she knew was that it felt bad and she felt violated. She knew something was wrong.

Soon enough, the girl felt she had no choice but to confide in her peers. One day at recess she approached a girl named Mia and her friends, a group of girls Natalie wasn’t really friends with but was acquainted enough to talk to

And from there she told them everything as best as she could, even if she got choked up and didn’t make much sense. The girl barely even made sense of it herself.

It felt lighter to get it off her chest, maybe if she could gain the courage to tell her parents the abuse would stop. Maybe everything was going to work out.

But the next day Natalie woke up to messages on sites like Facebook and MySpace. Degrading comments about her being an incest freak, a whore, gross, disgusting, weird, used. Who does that with their brother?

The bullying and degradation from her peers who now saw her as a disgusting weirdo would follow her up until high school

And for four years she would come home from school and be abused in the worst, most violating way by her own kin. And for four years she kept everything inside of her. She just kept quiet and didn’t dare to tell a soul ever again.

Eventually, she gained the courage to tell Lucas no, and firmly reject his advances. After that she was finally free, as much as a girl drowning in her own household could be.

DEAD GIRL .

In high school, Natalie did well for herself. Her grades were good, she calmed down a ton, and she didn’t bother making close friends but she got herself a boyfriend named Chris

Chris was a nice boy, but he came from a good, well-off family. He wasn’t the type to even begin to understand the things Natalie thought or had been through.

Throughout the years, Natalie had grown fond of things of the morbid nature. She would find herself drawing gorey images depicting murder, weapons, decomposing corpses, and other unsettling themes

This wouldn’t have been as bad if it wasn’t tied to the girl who was drawing it. Most people saw Natalie as a weird, disturbed girl and it was rather uncomfortable to watch a girl like her draw all these macabre things

On the outside she was quiet and asocial with a bit of an attitude. She was snarky and rough around the edges, but all she wanted for herself was to get a proper education and have a good life for herself. All she wanted was the kind of family Chris had

Deeper inside of her, Natalie was a very angry girl who hated the world. She hated her family, her life, she resented people who had it better than her.

There was so much bubbling inside that she just pushed down. She was never going to let herself crumble. She was never going to be weak.

This reflected negatively on her life which led to the girl growing into her behavioural issues. Natalie would talk back to authority figures in her life and god forbid anyone try to tell her what to do. She was rebellious to a fault

Her sleep schedule was barely existent as she would find herself staying up until the sunrise to finish assignments, scroll through the internet, or binge watch horror movies regularly

And this lack of sleep only contributed to her horrible attitude. The girl would get into fights at home, storm out, get into fights with her peers or her boyfriend, and go back home to start all over again

TIME .

Natalie had a strange relationship with the concept of time. It always seemed to be against her.

A part of her feared how little time she felt she had. It was like a race against the inevitable, it was going to catch up to her eventually. She couldn’t outrun time itself

It wasn’t long until there was something of obsession with the topic in Natalies life. Even clocks on the wall drove her insane

She felt as though she was stuck in a time loop of living the same day over and over. Different day on the calendar, but same life

Even her fathers clocks that littered her dirty, small, mobile home mocked her. Laughing at how powerless she was

The one thing in her life she truly could never control was the vicious cycle of living through her miserable days again and again

Wake up at 6am, school at 8am, go back home to the abuse at 4pm, fall asleep at 3am

Every. Single. Day.

Natalie hated her life more than anything. She wanted out more than anything. But she wasn’t going to be so weak as to self-harm or commit suicide. She was strong enough to take control

She just kept trying to be in control of something that couldn’t be controlled

STITCHES .

One day after school, Natalies boyfriend broke up with her.

She should’ve expected it, but she didn’t.

Chris was always nice to her, he really did try his best. But he just couldn’t even begin to understand her, and she couldn’t even begin to explain.

He told her that her outbursts were too much for him. She would snap at him and cause fights for such small reasons, everything set her off. And when he tried to talk it through with her, she’d shut down on him

Natalie never told him about the abuse, the trauma, or any of her struggles. She was drowning and never trusted a single hand reaching out to help

Chris made comments towards her art and mindset, saying it creeped him out and that she needed to seek professional help

Of course he didn’t understand. Nobody understood Natalie. The whole wide world was against her

And now the one person she actually liked and could see herself caring for turned on her and left her just like everyone else in her life

And another good thing in her life was lost to the hands of time

BORDERLINE .

For such a strong girl like Natalie, a stupid high school breakup shouldn’t have meant as much as it did

It shouldn’t have ruined her

But it did, and she was a mess

All she could think about was how much she lost. She was so desperate for control she completely lost it

And now her moods were at an all time low, her impulsivity skyrocketed and so did her anger

How fucking dare he do that to her

Natalie would start acting out, getting into fights with her parents, and her grades began to drop. Her entire life was slipping away through the cracks in between her fingers and there was nothing she could do but watch it crumble underneath her feet

It was like watching a car accident. You could see the girl spiral, you could see her crash and burn, but there was nothing you could do but sit back and watch

She didn’t care one bit. After so long of trying so hard to run from it all, she finally had nothing left to lose

So she picked up a few bad habits here and there. She would fight girls behind the school and buy cigarettes off of sketchy junkies with her parents money

Natalie started to speak up more and everything that came out of that girls mouth was trashy. She would make offensive comments and pick on people for being “so damn sensitive”

In reality, she just wanted to be seen. She wanted someone to catch her from falling so far deep into destruction and give her the attention and support she never had

But everyone found her annoying or just something to laugh at. Natalie wasn’t enjoyable to be around in the slightest

She started stealing booze from her parents and going off and getting drunk at the park near her house. The girl quickly developed a drinking problem that worsened her attitude even more

Natalie started crossing lines that shouldn’t have been crossed, and started to gain the dangerous knowledge that she could do all these awful things and the world wouldn’t come to an end

She was on top. She was powerful. And nobody was going to fuck with her again

INFIRMARY .

One night she got into a physical fight with her brother, things were broken, fists were thrown, insults were tossed back and forth

The fight had gone too far and she ended up injuring her left eye so badly she had to be taken to the emergency room

Nobody stayed by Natalies side in that hospital. She had to undergo surgery in order to remove the eye due to the damage. And neither her parents nor her brother cared enough to stay

Now around this time, the government was developed a chemical weapon known as “Liquid Hate” or “methcyclopyroxene oxydenate” if we’re going to get scientific

And if you know anything about the government, they just love to run illegal human experimentation programs on unassuming people who really wouldn’t be looked for if they went missing or worse

Natalie fell victim to a testing of an early prototype of liquid hate. During her surgery she was tied down and injected a small dosage of this chemical

Soon, she woke up and felt a jolt of adrenaline stronger than anything she’d ever felt before. It felt like her body was so hot she was going to explode, she felt jittery and like a surge of overwhelming energy soared through every cell that made up her being

And she felt so consumed by rage

Her anger was righteous and she was wielding it like an archangels sword. It was something so biblically primal when she escaped her restraints and ripped the nearest doctor apart with her own two hands

This quick blinding rush subdued slightly and she came to her senses as she caught her breath and bolted right out of the hospital in fear and out into the rainy night

The effects weren’t exactly as blinding as before but god knows they were still overtaking her senses. And when she walked down the street in that gentle, cold, rain only one thought was on her mind

Where the fuck was her family when she needed them the most?

TICK TOCK .

Now here was this angry, drugged up girl standing outside the dark house where she spent years of abuse and torment

And the blood on her hands was dripping like sin

When her mother answered the front door and saw the monster her own daughter had become, there was a part in the woman that felt as though she was looking at what she could’ve become

And like smashing a mirror, Natalie took the life of her own mother. She strangled her, brutally stabbed her with a kitchen knife and ripped open her ribcage with feral strength

As Natalie taunted the one who carried her for 9 months and brought her into the sick and cruel world she inhabited, she felt the rabid words fall off her mouth as if they had been begging to escape for years

Next was her father, who had slept through the death of his wife in a drunken slumber. The house stunk of alcohol - such a familiar smell. It made her sick to her stomach.

She snuck into her parents bedroom and took a handgun out of the bedstand drawer, shoving the barrel of the gun in her fathers booze-coated mouth and watched the fear filled his eyes as he woke up. Her finger teased the trigger as she whispered a quiet “your time is up, daddy” and blew his brains out onto the wall

This was another line Natalie crossed, another realization of her own capabilities only enhanced by the chemically induced beast-like rage. Nothing was stopping her. This was her divine right, she was in control now

And finally, she moved onto her brother who was alerted by the sound of a gunshot and walked in on his sister standing over their fathers dead corpse, blood staining her hands and soaking her white hospital gown

Lucas, like his sister, was a quiet boy who kept to himself for the most part. But like his sister, he had so much anger boiling inside of him and he was a fighter

And so the two fought once more, Lucas physically overpowered his sister for just a moment before something inside of her broke like a dam and the flood came crashing through

Natalie gained the upper hand as the fight was brought into Lucas’s bedroom, the place where her brother would abuse her for years

The overwhelming pain of the memories flooding in threw Natalie into a panicked fit as she threw her brother to the ground, ignoring his screams and berating

She climbed on top of him and incapacitated him by stabbing him several times in the abdomen, throat, and face. The girl finished her brother off by gutting him and spent her time mutilating his body like an animalistic rampage

Everything she had been bottling up finally exploded out of her and the girl showed no mercy that night

EMBERS .

Natalie stood in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror

She looked at the gaping hole where her left eye once was for what felt like eternity

Time came to a complete stop in that moment, it was all in the bloody palm of her hands

The only sound that filled the room was the viscous sound of her fathers pocket watch ticking softly as it rested on the messy bathroom counter

For nearly an hour she stood there heavily dissociated, zoning out of reality as she did nothing but stare at the hands of the clock moving rhythmically

Natalie soon snapped out of her dazed trance and slowly moved her dark crimson stained hand over to the pocket watch

And slowly she look a deep breath in as she brutally shoved the small clock into her empty eye socket, zoning out from the sharp pain of her body reacting to the foreign object

Now time was apart of her, and she was time itself. The girl became what she feared the most and broke the cycle she lives through over and over with her own two hands. She was no longer going to be a victim to the hands of time, she was now going to be the destroyer of it

As she exited the cold bathroom, she walked down the hallway of her small home she spent so much time in. There was no more yelling from her father, comments from her mother, fear from her brother

Natalie was all that was left

The girl entered her bedroom for the last time, changed into regular clothes and grabbed her stuffed giraffe shes had since she was a young child, named Jaffy

Jaffy had been with her through it all. She found comfort in the little giraffe, and it was the last piece of herself she had left

She walked into the kitchen with the stuffed animal and turned her gas-stove on max before laying a gentle kiss on Jaffys head and placing it onto the stovetop

Not once did she look back to the fire overtaking the giraffe as she walked out of that house, letting it become victim to the flames that would soon engulf the home

Natalie Ouellette died in that house, burning to death alongside her family in the fire

And only Clockwork walked out

[aliilku]

warning: rant

mention of drug abuse and sh

i think im in my all time low.

three years ago my mental state started deteriorating, i was sh-ing basically every day, failing college, getting drunk on every possible occasion and using sex as sh

two years ago i was neck deep in my 3d, getting drunk and/or h1gh four to six times a week bc i needed to escape my life and mind so badly

now i dont even like being not sober. i dont sh at all. i relapsed here but half the time i dont r3str1ct anyway to be honest...

but i dont have any healthy copying mechanisms either. i am literally unable to handle my life, my responsibilities and my situation but i have no way of coping with it. ive been going through autistic burnout and/or depression for at least a year and a half but i could never afford to quit my job and take care of myself (im forced to have two rn lmao)

and bc of that i have been slowly but surely ruining my relationship. i dont have the mental capacity to plan dates, to have sex, to care about/for my partner properly.

so i just kinda exist through it. all ive been doing in life for the last year are the things i HAVE to do. the only person i talk to outside of work is my partner and i hate it but i cant/ dont know how to change it. i almost never put any effort into looking how i wish i did, i just dont have the energy to do anything not work/ household related

i dont even have the time and space to unload properly which my autistic ass desperately needs, all i get are a few hours alone every few days which i usually spend catching up on chores or playing the sims and watching youtube at the same time bc im unable to do things i would enjoy on a deeper level

and the longer i force myself to do even the absolutely necessary stuff the more im afraid of how hard ill fall when it happens.

i have an older brother whos autistic as well and unable to work, hes 28 and lives with our parents, dropped out of college like 6 times

and his life is basically my worst nightmare and my future at the same time.

and i have no idea how to help myself.

even if i could afford therapy i dont have time for it, i have 4 free days till the end of the month, some days i have scheduled an 8h day shift and a 12h night shift two hours apart from each other

im not even surviving right now, i am literally just existing.

i just push everything possible out of my mind and focus on forcing myself to do my responsibilities, if i even slightly think about myself i have tears in my eyer

and its fucking terrifying.

i doubt anyone will read all of this shit but whatever, i needed to do this.

and if anyone actually did read it, thank you. means a lot.

im open to advice but i might not respond bc i have a tendency to find every possible "i cant, because.." and end up spiraling and making the other person frustrated

[cherryblossomsandhydrangeas]

Sk8 Rewatch Ep12

You know, if Adam vented by dance skating in the rain more often, we might not have the problems we have now.

God the animation of Adam’s shadow as he dances is so fucking good.

Imagine being this poor fucking tailor man. It’s early in the morning, it’s a fucking monsoon raging outside, and then a lunatic in a matador costume bursts talking about making him a suit.

Sketchy is so cute~

Langa, it is not your job to fix that grown ass man.

Kiriko’s search warrant and subsequent raid on the Shindo household was completely erased from the narrative. Like, she had the warrant and never used it?

Miya asking Shadow about his injuries when Cherry probably cracked his skull in at least two separate places, had an arm and leg in a cast, probably some- at least- cracked ribs, among other things. Listen, if the founders are actually gods you can go ahead and reveal that, but at least acknowledge that Cherry’s injuries were far worse than Shadows.

If season two never finishes up Cherry’s hangups with Adam I will riot.

Imagine going to S, seeing a whole ass tombstone at the finish line and not turning the fuck around to go home.

Honestly, I love Adam’s second costume more than his first, but actually imagine being Langa, walking all the way up there and seeing your opponent dressed like the grim reaper talking about it’s your day of departure.

Langa using Cherry’s move to dodge Adam’s Love Hug Full Swing Kiss Combo. 😍🤩😭

The Zone is just Adam’s way to not feel any pain- something he’s experienced a lot of in life- as he completes his child murder suicide.

Oliver I feel like you could have visited your son long before now.

Adam: So I never had...an Eve to begin with, did I? No, no you did not.

Adam: There’s not...anyone at my side Okay, now who’s fault is that?

While I agree that adults can learn something from children. This 100% should not have been on Langa’s shoulder (thought narratively I understand why it was).

Adam says friends will ultimately betray you, flashing back to the “I have no opinions” scene (which lol ok), but we never get a scene from where Cherry and Joe supposedly betrayed him, showing that that they never did and that Adam left them first.

Adam: Nobody understands me! They never could! No one in this world can read minds. You actually have to tell your loved ones what’s going on with you. And also, Cherry’s repeated asked you what was wrong and you tried to kill him.

You know, in previous episodes, when someone got knocked down, it was an immediate win for their opponent. But when Langa gets up from him and Adam knocking each other down, and Adam was still struggling on the ground, the match is still on. Bullshit.

This show is trying to make me feel for this man, but it’s just not possible. Like, yay, you remembered the fun you used to have with the guy you treat like shit. Good for you.

Adam almost killed Kaoru, Hiromi, Miya, Carla, and Sketchy with that parachute.

Tadashi as his boss goes to sexually harass a minor again: UWU

I want Koyomi to attend S in season 2.

Don’t worry shadow, they weren’t shown kissing, that could just be her brother or cousin for all you know!

The end scene tries to play Adam letting Tadashi believe he was going to go to jail for weeks as a positive “aw, he cares” scene, but Tadashi really believed that his life was over and Ainosuke is just like “Yeah, no, you’re stuck with me, dog.” Like, that’s a fucking threat coming from this man.

“You’ll be my dog for the rest of our lives.” Listen, have a pet kink if you want fandom. This is still an abusive relationship between a boss and his subordinate. Adam signs his paycheck, owns the house he lives, and could literally do anything he wanted to him. This is not sexy.

Knowing Reki’s and Langa’s luck, they tied.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW Emotional Abuse? Familial problems, general trauma, addiction, drugging, sa/hospitalization, very depressing

Hello I think I’m asking for advice mainly on how to escape my situation or even just support/resources. I currently live with my older sister who hasn’t ever really been close to me but instead has been more of a negative person in my life. I haven’t been able to stop crying rethinking the situation I’m in since it feels emotionally paralyzing.

My parents sort of forced her to take care of me at a young age so as a result she naturally hates me and is stuck with me as I am with her. After a long bout of traumas/fights etc from leaving our abusive household together we sort of were bonding since we understood each others pain and we kind of had to, our checks together were the only things stopping us from being homeless but still are which is why I’m really stressed out.

After we moved in together to our first apartment however my older brother had also been having issues at our parents so I let him come over whenever he felt like. He was doing meth and didn’t let me know but instead lied and said he was clean, eventually meth got into my system after he stayed for 2 days possibly when he let me try a cigarette for the first time or I’m not sure if he laced my weed but I ended up in the hospital for two weeks unaware of instead thinking I had finally broke my brain until I saw my hospital discharge papers. I was in psychosis for almost 2 years on and off going back into hospitals mainly because I became so suicidal I couldn’t take it anymore, I hardly remember the past 3 years of my life either because I didn’t create memories I loved or it was just so stressful my mind blocked it out.

What really halted my recovery was my sister letting my brother come back around after I came out of the hospital because she felt bad for him. She’d put up paintings he’d make while on meth on the kitchen wall and when I’d cry and ask her to take them down she’d basically make me feel guilty for feeling the way I did. This only made me worse and it’s taken 3 years for me to get back to a place mentally where I feel safe but the last time she let him over here was still a month ago, I just finally couldn’t take it anymore and told him to leave and not come back. She let him back in the next morning though but kicked him out when he inconvenienced her instead.

Earlier this year I tried going to a program called Job Corps because it was a free ticket out of the state but straight to a gov facility, at least they’d give me training for a trade certification and some needed skills, mainly a new environment. However my sister didn’t like the idea when I mentioned moving out or leaving for the year so now I’m just washing dishes for 14 an hour instead of studying like I wanted and need to. I try not to throw the term abuse around but it just feels emotionally damaging how i haveto live in her shadow all the time.

I’m scared of moving out not because of having to support myself but her being left with a financial mess, she also had told me that leaving would make things harder for her and just be “running away”. I’m in my early 20s and she’s 10 years older yet my job is what’s keeping us from being homeless I mention it just cause it’s weird she went to vacation a few days ago even though we’re broke and I give her most of my money when I get l paid, and even then she’ll get mad if I buy something she thinks I shouldn’t have.

I just constantly feel alone like I’ve never heard of someone being in this sort of situation so I’ve never heard of anyone being able to leave it behind either, I guess I’m mainly asking for hope after letting this all out I don’t really have any left but I’m trying, I appreciate it.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please know that you're not alone in experiencing this, and I have answered a few other asks from people in similar situations as well.

It's important to remember that while your sister may have some resentment over having to take care of you growing up, that doesn't explain or justify becoming abusive to you. It sounds like you have a complicated dynamic between your siblings. It seems that your sister feels pity for your brother and doesn't understand why he makes you uncomfortable, especially considering your hospital visit and suicidal thoughts.

It's not up to your sister to determine where you will work - you are your own self. It sounds like she is emotionally abusive and doesn't respect your autonomy, especially if it means moving out. It also sounds like she may be financially abusive as well considering that you give her most of your money when you get paid, and controls how you spend your money. Part of why your sister may be discouraging you from leaving is because it would mean that she can no longer take advantage of you.

Leaving this kind of situation is not simple or easy, but there are a few suggestions. While this resource is in reference to domestic violence cases, these tips on leaving an abusive situation can still apply. Here is a masterlist of international crisis lines you can contact, which may be able to help you get in touch with someone who can assist you in this process.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[phee-einar]

Alma Carrow || Drabble

Childhood is supposed to be an easy thing. Most children play with their siblings, with their parents and the neighborhood children. They start to learn right from wrong and how to properly play with others. Children aren’t supposed to worry about stepping out of line. Getting punished is a common fear but at a reasonable level. Even most pureblood children these days are allowed to play, their parents slowly catching up to the times and becoming less strict. Less abusive. Realizing that children are allowed to have their own thoughts and that they don’t have to be as extreme. Though there are some families that are still rigid and disciplined. The Carrow household was a prime example. On the outside everything looked pristine. Proud parents with three children who never stepped out of line. Children who listened to every word and perfectly carried it out. A closer look and one would see that it hadn’t always been quite so perfect and capable.

The best part of France was the warmth. Something that didn’t really make sense since not much actually changed when they moved. But at least their mothers home had color to it, which was what made all the difference. Alma was sure that their mother loved the three of them. Even though she wasn’t always able to show it. The woman had always spoiled them, though not in a traditional sense. More so in the sense that she had ‘coddled’ them. At least that’s what their father would call it when she would wipe their tears when they cried. Usually after something he had done. Of course it wasn’t exactly how he would describe it. He would say it was something they had done. A punishment they’d brought upon themselves by not completing their tasks perfectly and orderly. Or in Alma’s case, showing up her siblings. As a child she desperately seeked approval and tried her hardest. She could hardly see how it was her fault that her brother wasn’t as accomplished as she was. He did have one thing on her though, his physical strength. 

Alma was brought up that at most she should be equal to her brother, if not lesser. Maybe it was from sexism or possibly from a sense of fear. Fear that Alma might actually do something to betray them in retaliation for him betraying his twin. Notions that he would promptly squash before they could ever begin to take seed in her brain. A foolish fear as the girl would never betray her siblings. Their upbringing had connected them to each other in a way her father hadn’t expected. The three became undoubtedly loyal to each other. At least that’s how it was for her. She would never do anything to hurt her siblings, in fact she would harm anyone who dared to even try to do such a thing to Alpheus and Althea. If it wasn’t for the fear she held for her father, she most likely would have done away with the man long ago for how he treated them. 

This fear was one of her two weaknesses. The other of course being her siblings. Weaknesses could be used against oneself but she would make sure that never happened. One day her father would be gone and then she would only have one weakness and her siblings could take care of themselves. As much as she would hate to admit. Growing up she always felt the need to protect them, offering to take the brunt of the punishments and shielding them the best she could. If they couldn’t take care of themselves by now, then it was their own fault and foolishness if anything actually happened to them. In which case it would simply be the natural order of things. At least that was what she told herself, even as she still did everything she could to protect them. In any case she was sure of one thing; nothing would happen to her. She didn’t study and train so much to be weak. To come second. To lose to anyone. Not even her flesh and blood. Though Althea definitely made that extremely difficult. The two being identical in almost every single aspect. The only one who could match up to her, was herself. She would make sure of it. At Hogwarts she had excelled in all subjects and now at work she was quickly becoming one of the best in her field. There weren’t many legilimens, and most weren’t able to effortlessly read others' thoughts. Though it was a trait she wished that she didn’t have. At least not as well. 

If anything the ability was almost uncontrollable and it had been that way since childhood. Of course then it had been a lot worse, causing her unable to go to events with large amounts of people. All the thoughts at once had proved overwhelming to the girl, giving her migraines to the point she would pass out. Of course her father saw to it that she got over that flaw. Turning what she would describe as a curse, into a gift. A weapon for him to use. Even as a kid he would ask her to learn what other people were thinking, what they were hiding. As she got older, and with a lot of practice, she figured out how to delve past the surface of one's mind. Of course that skill wasn’t as subtle as the other and had to be planned accordingly or else she would get caught. It was worth it though as it was oftentimes even more useful. 

At first using others had made her uncomfortable, now it made her feel powerful. There was nothing better than seeing right through someone and knowing all of their weaknesses. Knowing exactly which buttons to press to get the desired effect. How to slowly torture someone without even breaking a sweat. The feeling was addicting. Alma couldn’t get enough of it. So much that she didn’t even mind if she was stuck cleaning up after someone, usually her brother, in order to feel it. Though she did wish that she didn’t have to clean up so often. The girl was willing to do just about anything to reach her goals. Which was really something very simple, to prove she was the best. Better than her siblings, her peers, her father. Better than the Dark Lord even. She might not be at the top of the chain at the moment but she was steadily climbing. Proving to others that if they tested her, she wouldn’t stand for it.

[myshadesofwrong]

As a historian, who has a literal degree in this (primarily British monarchy with some French so a lot of my examples will come from them), I am begging you if you’re going to be anti-monarchy, at least know the facts so you’re no sprouting the same tired rhetoric over and over.

Or in other words, OP is right (about the fandom and the monarchy)

Rants like the reblog from hotaurea make me so mad because the world and institutions are not black and white. The world, people, and the things we create like institutions have both good and bad and most everybody exists in gray. That’s just a fact.

I agree with the OP. No institution is perfect and evolve. Wilhelm could have been the lynchpin to help his institution evolve. Because, believe it or not, the monarchy does do some good. First, hotaurea is right in a way., Anybody can advocate for issues and charities but the monarchy has something you and I don’t. A platform. Their tags about correctly exposing that particular part as ‘bullshit’ is quite literally wrong. Every royal has a cause. Whatever you think of King Charles of England, he has for years been a champion of the environment, highlighting farmers and natural causes. Do you honestly think that the reporters and press would give a shit if he didn’t show up. Same with Queen Camilla of England. She champions and works quite a lot with domestic abuse charities. Prince William, Princess Catherine, and Prince Harry all constantly give attention to mental health issues. And Prince Harry has his veterans work. Now, we all can go and help each of these very important issues but our impact is going to be nil to theirs. Why? The same reason everyone demands celebrities speak up about issues. Platform. People listen. Now we can have a debate on ‘worthiness’ certainly. That’s a fair debate. But the truth of the matter is as the royal family, they have the reach and the interest from the press to bring more attention to the issue. Please no not negate that impact.

As for the ‘homophobic’ accusation, tell me you’ve never done actual research on the monarchy, any monarchy. I can name FIVE LGBTQIA+ monarchs or members of their family right off the top of my head:

Queen Anne of Great Britain (1700s)

Philippe I, Duke of Orleans, brother of King Louis XIV (a known cross dresser as well, actually openly wore women’s clothing at Versailles)

Edward II of England

Ludwig II of Bavaria

And my personal fav:

James VI of Scotland and I of England.

James is a particular favorite because the man was at least bi-sexual and literally commissioned the fucking King James Bible. You know, the one that all the homophobes use as “proof” of homosexuality being a sin. Pull that out at your next party/family gathering. I love seeing people’s expressions when they learn that.

Anyway, if you think monarchies are homophobic, you have no idea of the history. Y’all, historically, royals are fucking wild. Many straight monarchs actually had lovers both male and female. Some did marry and have children while others never did. But here’s my point, they NEVER hid them. These affairs or favorites were paraded with pride throughout courts. Lovers were given prominent roles in households, on councils, were advisors. It is a very modern assumption or concept really that monarchies must be straight and private. Did some hide them, yes. But go back through history and you’ll find countless stories of favorites being paraded around in from of wives, husbands, and courts. And by repeating that concept, you’re propogating conservative rhetoric is trying to hide LGBTQIA+ history. It’s that simple. And let’s not even talk about sex parties and the actual proclavities of some of these royals. Seriously, look them up. You’ll find out the true meaning of truth is stranger than fiction.

Now we can have debates over finances (reminder royals are not actual leeching off of citizens. They do have their own inheritance wealth, as well as I believe real estate is a big one. Again, the origin of the that is certainly cause for criticism but they’re not getting paid by your taxes) and actual worthiness as hotaurea put it but can we please have a non-extremist discussion on monarchy. It’s not either/or. There are good sides and bad sides to it, even in modern times. Actually, I would say modern monarchies are actually more relevant than their colonizer and blood thirsty ancestors. Modern monarch/royals devote their lives to charities and causes. They have no say in most governments and are definitely not sending troops out to war. But I digress.

Anyway, this is getting too long. I just wanted to point out the flaws in hotaurea’s little rant and add that OP was right. Wille could have been the son of a CEO of a big corporation and the story wouldn’t have changed one bit. It made his decision less impactful because we are never shown the actual struggle Wille could have had. Because you will never convince me, a good PR person would not have seen the potential in Wille after his speech and would not have let him champion a LGBTQIA+ cause. Imagine if Fatima would have been like okay, but Wille chose to go the safe route? That makes Simon’s reaction and his own work more impactful in the series. He even tried to tell Wille but it was WILLE who did not want to listen. In the end, maybe if they had shown the good side of the monarchy, it would have made Wille’s decision even more impactful instead of it looking selfish and impulsive. Or he could have stayed and shown what having a platform for good actually is but OP is right. And believe it or not, there is such a thing as IVF where Wille could have had a biological child. Shocking I know. Or a surrogate. Stop ignoring these possibilities.

Lisa was too stuck on the same rhetoric above instead of creating an institution that would have been nuanced and more realistic instead of a one-dimensional villain twirling their mustache.

Too busy to write a 5k essay it deserves but neither the audience nor Wilhelm saw the actual monarchy as an institution worth fighting for or at least worth considering it.

The monarchy was completely absent from the show. You could replace it with a billion-dollar publicly traded company and it wouldn't change the plot. Concerns about public image? Check. Out of control sense of privilege? Check. Spoiled children of rich parents? Check.

No one from the unrealistically small royal family was given a chance to demonstrate or explore the gravity and the positive influence a thousand-year-old institution can have. Does the queen have causes she particularly cares about? Does she invest her time into fundraising for them? Does she think certain problems are overlooked by the society and does she use her celebrity status to draw attention to them? We have no idea, we only have been shown her caring about the public image of the institution she represents.

Same with Wille: in the show he was never given a chance to explore how his status could be used for good. Were there young people for whom his coming out meant a lot? Definitely, but we never heard about them. Would it be equally important for others if the crown prince started openly talking about his struggles with anxiety? For sure. This list is potentially endless but the creators were never interested in showing anything positive about the monarchy.

[thenerdnextdoorxo]

hi can you do another avengers cast x teen!reader who plays wandas kid and how they parent her on set and didnt know she lived in an abusive household and then what they did to help the reader thanks! mainly focused on the female cast members?thank u!

Sure :)

You went to set a bit tired. You couldn't sleep last night because your parents were fighting over the reason why your brother went to jail and who's problem is that. You don't think that your brother going to jail was his fault. He went to jail for underaged drinking. He got this habit after your parents abused him to no end and you don't blame him for being this far gone. Your parents have been fighting each other since as long as your memory can take you. They just never where a match. Their problems backfired to you and your brother. Your brother drinks, and you smoke.

You are not proud of that at all. You tried stopping but it's the only thing that keeps you sane. But you've been smoking more than before. Everyone on set noticed how you were always coughing and out of breath but you just told them that you had some sort of illness that has affected your lungs. The least thing you want from them is to find out about you smoking.

Today, everyone was worried about you. You were clumsy and sleepy, it wasn't normal of you at all. Each of them started discussing the way you were acting and they all agreed that it was strange. Lizzie was the closest to you since you play as her kid in the movies and you hang out the most together. Scarlet and her walked over to you to discuss that matter with you.

"Y/N? We need to talk," Lizzie said, wrapping her arms around your shoulder. You were confused and kind of nervous, but you walked with them anyways. They brought you to one of the room on set that was always empty. "Y/N, if I may, is everything alright at home?" Lizzie asked. "What do you mean? of course everything is alright," You lied, thinking that they will buy it. "Y/N, please stop lying, we all are concerned for your health. You've been lying to us all the time." Scarlet said. They knew you were lying. shit.

"C'mon, please tell us what is going on," Lizzie pleaded. "I told you the truth, nothing is going on. Now let me go," You said and walked out of the room before any of them can stop you. As soon as you got out from that room, the staff wanted you and Lizzie to film a scene. You walked up to your place and stood there until everyone found their place. You noticed that you got dizzy and you are starting to loose balance. "Y/N?" You heard someone say before you passed out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up to the sound of two people talking, you couldn't make up what they were saying, but it sounded like it was a heated argument. You blinked a few times to clear your vision, then you realized that the heated argument was between your parents and Lizzie and Scarlet. None of them noticed that you were awake, but you understood from what they were saying is that they found out you were smoking.

"You could've taken care of her and nothing would have happened, but you just decided not to!" Lizzie exclaimed. "Liar! You have no idea what's going on inside my house!" Before you know it, your parents stormed out of the room. You groaned after you tried sitting up and they noticed that you were awake. "Hey, lay down, you don't have to sit up," Lizzie. "We know, Y/N," Scarlet said. "And it's okay, you should have told us before we would have helped you." You sighed. They were right. But you were so scared to tell them the truth.

"From now on, you tell us everything, okay? Don't ever do this again," Lizzie said. "I won't don't worry," You said. "Now how about we start talking for a bit, to get to know your situation, yeah?" Scarlet said and you nodded smiling lightly. Finally they are about to get you out of your misery.

Now you will finally have the life you always wanted.

================================================

I slept in a awful position last night and now I have a terrible back pain, and I'm on my period :')

My requests are opennn

<3333

[kinghairington]

Hold My Heart [S.H.]

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!Henderson!Reader Word Count: 1.9k Summary: Steve’s relationship with his father had gotten worse as he became an adult, but he had a family across town who always welcomed him with open arms, including the little brother he never had and, you, his girlfriend.  Warnings/Notes: Relatively SFW. Steve’s father. Emotional abuse. Sad Steve. Crying. Hurt/Comfort. Fluff. Mention of Steve’s desire for lots of kids 👀 but nothing is explicitly discussed. There are no mentions of reader's physical features. No spoilers. Requested. Masterlist.

The fight with his father started like all the rest: over something that would have been a simple conversation in any other home.

“When was the last time you had your tires rotated?” His father asked over one particularly tense and quiet family dinner. 

It was his mother’s attempt at making them look like a happy family even when no one was around. He tried to show up more for his mother’s comfort than his own but hoped with each dinner that the happiness would finally stick.

It had yet to work.  

The question took him by surprise, so he shrugged, but shrugging was one of his father’s least favorite gestures and was considered banned in the Harrington household.

There was no need for him to get them rotated in the first place. He wasn’t traveling. He used the car to tote some kids around town and worked a few miles from home. Sometimes he would take you out of town on a date or drive you to the community college for a class. It would be months before he even needed to think about getting it done.

But logic didn’t work on his father, least of all Steve’s personal logic.

So he’d ended up sitting there in the formal dining room as his father berated him over being “disrespectful,” “irresponsible,” “immature,” and “unable to take responsibility for the car I gave you as a gift and I expect respect when I’m speaking to you” anytime he opened his mouth to respond.

His father didn’t care to ever hear what he had to say about anything in his life, and the constant threat that he could easily take the car or his trust fund away was always held over his head.

A part of him always wondered if the words were empty threats or if he would wake up one day without the BMW sitting in the driveway.

He hadn’t had access to a credit card in two years.

His father had dropped him from the family insurance months ago.

The only things left were the car, the trust fund with his name on it, and the roof over his head.

Another part of him wanted to test it, see if his father really would officially take everything away from him (away from them), but mostly he was just tired of having to deal with the fear in the first place.

The easiest thing to do would be to sit still and quiet, leave the room when dismissed, and go about his day as his father locked himself in his study or left for work depending on the time of day he decided to blow up at him. But at some point in the last year and a half of practically being part of the Henderson family, Steve came to accept more of his worth than ever before.

He didn’t have to deal with any of this.

He was an adult now.

He could leave whenever he wanted.

He could stop depending on his father’s money and the knowledge that he had less than a year left before his trust fund would legally be all his. That had kept him gritting his teeth and bearing it just about long enough.

But he was beyond tired of waiting for that day and he hated the part of himself that thought he was due it in the first place.

Tonight, he just couldn’t deal with it any longer. Not when he knew that a family across town was also sitting down for a family dinner and always happily had a place saved for him.

Steve met his mother’s eyes in some sort of apology as he stood from his chair. His father was still ranting from his spot at the head of the table, but Steve made no effort to look at the man.

His father yelled for him to come back, although he didn’t move to chase after him, giving him time to grab his keys and shoes where they were in the entryway. He was only in his sock feet as he made his way to the car and hopped in, throwing the tennis shoes onto the passenger’s seat.

The tension left him as he drove into the Henderson’s driveway, his shoulders drooping from where they’d been held stiff.

Rolling his shoulders back, he let out a slow breath and reached up to his face to rub at his hot cheeks. At some point along the way, a few tears had made their way to the surface.

He felt like he was running away.

He supposed he was in a way.

And he couldn’t imagine a better place to end up.

It felt strange to walk from his car to the front door without his shoes on - he decided not to grab them because he just wanted to be inside where he could wrap his arms around you and enjoy an actual warm, happy family dinner.

He had a tendency to show up here after his mother’s family dinners in search of some silent comfort and the semblance of a real family, but never did he show up like this: shoeless.

There was some shouting from inside the house after the doorbell rang and Steve heard Dustin’s voice the loudest.

“Maybe it’s Steve or Mike or Lucas!”

When Dustin swung open the door, he grinned at seeing his friend before he took in Steve’s appearance. From his eyes to his feet, it had to be a big surprise to see him less than put together and clearly upset by something.

“Hey, man. Come in. What’s going on?” Dustin looked at him in concern before closing the door behind them and calling out your name.

He didn’t realize just how much he needed to see you until you turned the corner from the kitchen and stopped short.

“Steve?” Your voice was immediately so soft, so sweet, so caring. He had heard you talk to Dustin and Max that way before, Steve less so, but he was craving that sort of affection right now.

(You’d make a great mother one day.)

Dustin stayed close to Steve but allowed you some room to join them in the entryway, your hands reaching up slowly to his cheeks.

“Hey, you okay?”

He nodded and leaned into your touch, his own hands going to meet your hips as he stepped closer into your space. It always amazed him that you could calm him in moments. He’d told you a few times that you possessed some sort of magic in your touch and your entire being.

“I’m just here for dinner,” he tried to joke, but the words came out in a teary whisper that shocked all three of you.

“Dusty, will you finish setting the table for me and set a place for Steve?” You focused on your younger brother for a second, smiling thankfully at the boy before you led Steve to the front bathroom.

Once the door was closed behind the two of you, you gestured for your boyfriend to sit on the edge of the bathtub. You peeked at him for a second before grabbing a clean wash cloth and getting it wet in the sink.

This was the first time you saw Steve cry.

They weren’t fat, rolling tears or even a steady stream of them, but even the few that slid down his cheeks were enough to cause a heaviness to settle in your chest. Steve was always so strong. He was emotional at times, but those emotions tended to land in the angry or jealous categories more than sad.

Stepping over to him, you knelt down between his knees and held the washcloth up so he could see your intention of wiping his face.

Steve nodded and sniffed softly.

It felt a little motherly to be doing this to him when the last time you had taken care of anyone this way was your younger brother after a particularly bad case of bullying in middle school, but the way Steve closed his eyes in relief and comfort made the slight feeling of awkwardness worth it.

You gently wiped one cheek and then the other.

For all his bravado, Steve was relatively easy to read, so you knew what must have happened. There was only one reason you knew for him to be this upset and it had to be his father.

You placed the wash cloth on the porcelain and moved to sit on the floor. You were still sitting between his legs and leaned your cheek against one of his knees so you could look up at him.

“What’d he say this time?” You asked quietly.

Steve sighed heavily, confirming your suspicion.

“Just the usual, really, that I’m not responsible, but I didn’t want to deal with it tonight.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. Proud of you for coming here instead.”

You wrapped an arm around his leg and squeezed him. His reaction was physical instead of verbal, but feeling his muscle relax more was enough. You wanted him to settle even more.

“He’ll never know how many responsibilities you really have, you know? He’ll never know that you’ve saved this town so many times.”

You met his eyes and smiled softly when he held your gaze.

“I think you’re the best, Stevie. So does Dusty.”

“You have to say that.”

Quirking an eyebrow, you moved to sit on your knees so you could get closer to his face.

“That’s because I love you, silly. I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t really think that.”

His walls were cracking a little bit more, his lip quirking into a tiny smile. You took his face into your hands, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to one of his cheeks. His skin was slightly wet from where you had wiped his face, and he trembled a bit as your lips pressed there.

“All I want is for you to truly believe all of what we say one day, what I tell you, and I’ll never lie to you about how I feel. Everything I say is one hundred percent true.”

He gently grasped your wrists.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“You can stay as long as you want. I think even mom would be okay with it.” You playfully rolled your eyes. “Sometimes I think she loves you more than me.”

Steve let out a breathy laugh at that and your entire chest lit up in glee at the sound.

“You’d be a good mom,” he whispered.

“Don’t get started on that right now,” you warned, tone playful but firm as you had more important things to think about than Steve’s, ahem, personal desires. But it was a successful distraction for him.

“Why not?” He asked as he pulled your hands, signaling for you to get up off the floor and sit with him. You slid next to him on the side of the bathtub and let him wrap an arm around your shoulders. “I’m just telling you how I feel.”

“You think you’re slick, but I know what you really want.”

You poked him in the side and giggled lightly when he jerked with a heartier laugh.

“Come on. Let’s go have dinner and I’ll let mom fuss over you when I ask if you can stay the night.”

“A few nights,” he corrected as the two of you stood up, wrapping you up in his arms for a tight hug. It was full of warmth and gratitude as he held you, whispering a couple words against your temple. “Thank you.”

[yuikomorii]

Hello there, I would like to ask you something.

Why is the Sakamaki family your least favourite if your favourite Diaboy is a Sakamaki?

// You kinda answered your own question, Anon. :”)

The reason why I don’t like the Sakamaki family is ✨Ayato✨ or the way he’s treated there, to be more precise.

Ayato is without a doubt the most unfairly treated member of that family, even Kanato is more loved than him, although he’s supposed to be the one nobody understands.

No one ever thinks about what he had to go through, despite the fact that his past was extremely painful. It didn't leave "scars" like Laito's, but pretty reminder that Ayato was the most tortured Diaboy in the entire franchise, given that the lake scene was only one of many near-death experiences Cordelia forced him to go through, and he was also very emotionally and mentally abused for centuries. But does anyone really care? Apparently not.

Either his brothers are incredibly ignorant, or Rejet simply does not know how to write trauma. Only because Ayato appears energetic and unbothered does not mean that he is without inner struggles or insecurities. They pretend that in order to be considered traumatized, you must hate yourself or be depressed, which is a very wrong mindset. I also dislike how many characters, particularly Laito, find Ayato's life ideal to the point of envying him, despite the fact that being in Ayato's shoes would be a terrible fate.

Now, let’s get into more serious stuff. Ayato may not be a completely innocent character, but he would never betray anyone or project his insecurities onto them.

If you ever feel pathetic, read this YOUNGBLOOD chapter, where Shu and Subaru both backstab Ayato and use him as bait while he is being beaten up by ghouls to help his brothers find out more information. The fact that they casually talked about betraying Ayato makes it even worse, and I can't understand how people here are excusing their behavior with "They were just children." Being a child is not an excuse to be a jerk and ruin someone's life. Ayato wouldn't have been cursed if they hadn't left him there.

This really dark secret has been confirmed in Laito's LE route, and while I love Laito, this literally makes him far more toxic than he was before. So, basically, Laito wanted to kill Ayato when he was younger. It would have liberated Ayato from Cordelia's abuse, but he also has a desire to live, and taking that away from him would be evil. Again, I've seen people justifying it and they were all like "Poor Laito..." . He had his reasons but what he wanted to do is still very wrong, Ayato did nothing wrong to him.

Reiji is also really mean towards Ayato, plus was the source of Ayato's breakdowns in LE, but I don't have high expectations from Reiji because, like Ruki, he isn't sugarcoated and he talks ill about everyone. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Kanato is Ayato's brother who has hurt him the least; they insult each other, but he hasn't done anything cruel to him for no reason (not counting bad endings).

And now people will probably come to me and say that the Sakamakis do care for each other, but their "love" for one another is phony and forced to me.I'm not including the Tokutens, where they appear to be having a good time together, because those aren't 100% accurate after all. I honestly don't care if they're family-oriented in other routes; if they can't be like that in the most canon route, with a guy who's almost always supportive of them and apologizes if he ever does them anything wrong, they're no longer valid to me and the best ending for Ayato would be to leave that household as soon as possible.

Bonus— Here we have two DL characters able to stand up for themselves and for others, who are never afraid to help someone but still get mistreated, while the fandom keeps mischaracterizing them:

[rafescoke]

All I Ask ; Rafe Cameron (Part 2)

masterlist

#Part 2

#Part 1

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: Reader finds herself in the arms of her best friend’s brother after finding her boyfriend cheating on her

Warnings: Swearing, cheating, hella angst, JJ being an extreme asshole

A/N: you guys are truly amazing. thank you so much for the countless amount of love & support for my last works, i love you! 

p.s, my request box is always open! go ahead and drop any ideas bae

“Hey,” he said softly. “You’re okay?”

(Y/N) emitted a laugh, her eyes focusing on the road, but her mind was somewhere else. She cleared her throat, “Um, I don’t think so.”

“Want to talk about it?” he said, and she noticed the grogginess behind his voice. She felt bad now, knowing that she had woken him up, but she was desperate for someone.

She couldn’t go to the pogues; her only friends, not when they knew. They knew all along about Kie and JJ but they didn’t try to talk to her. She thought about Pope, how he had looked so nervous around her since a month ago and how she had thought of it as nothing more than anxiety for his new upcoming scholarship application.

(Y/N) groaned, tightening her fingers around the steering wheel. Why had she been so naive? Why couldn’t she realize the signs sooner?

“Are you okay?” Rafe asked, suddenly jolting up from his bed when he realized how quiet she has gotten. Ever since they got close 4 years ago, there was never a long silence between them as (Y/N) always has a random topic to discuss about. He would tell her that he doesn’t care, but he truly likes the new information she’ll give him.

Like how the word ‘who’ is the oldest English word in the world. 

“Like, the owl?” he asked, scrunching his face. (Y/N) rolled her eyes, licking the slowly melting ice cream, and Rafe had a sudden thought of stealing her snack.

“No. God, you’re stupid. It’s who.”

“Yeah, the owl,” he grunted, thinking hard. (Y/N) looked at him with her bored eyes again, and Rafe took a quick glance at the dripping ice cream.

“No, Rafe, that’s woo. I’m talking about who.”

“You should write it.”

Rafe watched as she used her pointer to write the word ‘who’ on the table using her ice cream. Rafe laughed, finally understanding the joke, and he smiled wider when she returned a grin.

“No,” her voice croaked, and she could feel her tears slowly rolling down her red cheeks. God, she felt stupid. Why would she cry over stupid stuff like this? She had told Rafe before that she couldn’t understand why Bella Swan was too sad over Edward’s flight, saying how Bella had Jacob all along to help her get over him. Rafe rolled his eyes at this statement, muttering something along the words of ‘this is a movie’, ‘Edward is hotter’, and ‘Jacob look like that cashier guy at the hardware store’.

But she understood everything clearly now because she too, felt like staying in her room for the rest of her life. 

“What happened? Do you need me to pick you up?” Rafe asked again, finally standing up from his bed and walking towards his bedside table to retrieve his car keys. He rubbed his eyes, still so tired, but he wanted to make sure she was safe.

“It’s alright, Rafe, you don’t have to pick me up, it’s just, um-” she took a deep breath, “Can I come over?”

Rafe stopped in his tracks, not sure if he had heard her right. He waited for a few seconds, “Huh?”

“Can I come over?” (Y/N) bit her lips, making a turn towards the road heading to Figure 8 from the Cut. The road was deserted, and she looked at the dashboard to check on the time.

2.43 a.m.

“Yeah, sure, um, when are you coming? I just have to wait for you, so you know the new passcode of the backdoor.”

“You guys changed it already?” she asked, and she was surprised to find a smile creeping onto her face. “When was the last time I came over? 2 months ago?”

“9,” Rafe muttered, “But it’s okay. I’ll wait for you, okay?”

“Okay,” she released a breath, “Thank you, Rafe.”

“Yeah,” was all he said before ending the line.

Maybe she did missed him. 

When she arrived before the white building of the Camerons’ household, she could see a figure sitting on the front porch, bending over something that (Y/N) assumed to be a phone.

Rafe was mindlessly playing Candy Crush, just starting on his third level when he heard a car door being shut. He jumped to his feet, ready to greet the girl, but stopped in his tracks when he saw the state of her.

She was still in her party clothes, her (H/C) hair in a messy ponytail and her makeup all smudged. He tried to think of a joke, wanting to lighten up the mood, but his deed was interrupted when she finally had him in a tight hug.

“Whoa,” Rafe exclaimed, putting his arms around her waist. He let her stayed in that position for a few more seconds, liking the warmth, and finally parted after he cleared his throat.

“What’s wrong?”

“I, um-” she sighed, not looking into his eyes. “I got cheated on.”

Rafe was glued to his spot as he watched her wiped her tears with her sleeve, looking down to her glittery blue slippers. He couldn’t remember the amount of times he had prayed for his (Y/N) and JJ to call it off, but he didn’t hope for any kind of cheating to occur.

“I’m so sorry,” Rafe said, pulling her into a hug again. He rested his chin against the top of her head, letting the scent of strawberry wafted into his nostrils. (Y/N) cried against his chest, her face all scrunched up, and when she pulled away for the second time, she noticed the tear stains on his shirt.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” she rushed, trying to remove the stain using her fingers even though she knew it was impossible. She was too tired to think logically; she felt like laying in bed and watching Love Island until the day she dies.

“You’re still stupid, even when you’re all fucked up,” Rafe sighed, but he watched her from the corners of his eyes in case his words had struck her, but she looked like she understood the joke. She smiled weakly, pulling on the hem of her dress that had rode up down.

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, pulling her by her wrist as he guided her through the backdoor to his room. He showed her the new passcode proudly, mouthing how it was his birthday date this time, and (Y/N) had emitted a small laugh.

Screw maybe, she did missed him.

“And still a mess,” she sighed, plopping onto Rafe’s blue bedsheet as she took a look around the room. The painting of a random boat in the middle of an ocean was still askewed, and his trash can were piling up. She made a face, pointing at the cause of disturbance.

“You have to clean that.”

“Sorry I couldn’t let you stay in our five stars suite, ma’am,” he said, finding an old t-shirt in his cupboard. “You know, since you barged in this hotel at this time, all there’s left is the 3 stars suite.”

“You’re calling this a 3 stars suite?” she laughed, tilting her head to one side. “Rafe, this room can’t even be rated.”

“Whatever,” he pulled out a yellow t-shirt, putting it aside before looking for a new pair of boxers. “Is your room still pink with that weird strawberry pound cake smell?”

“Yeah,” she laughed, crossing her legs. She was glad there were no crumbs on the bed, or else she would rather sleep in her car. “And that smell’s great. My sensory organs are blocked by all the dust you’re collecting in here.”

Rafe grinned, liking how she was back to her old self, and handed her the pair of boxers and the yellow t-shirt. (Y/N) muttered a quick thanks, her feet lightly padding against the carpeted floor towards his bathroom. She closed the door, leaning against the sink, watching her reflection in the mirror.

She did look miserable, and her eyes were all red and puffy. She always hate how puffy her eyes would get after a nice session of crying, having to endure the pain of soothing it down again. 

She shook her head, not wanting to spend anymore time thinking about JJ or Kie or the pogues who had betrayed her, and tried to reach for the zip of her dress. After a few good tries she sighed, relaxing her cramped arms. The familiar yet uneasy pain coursed through her veins, and without wanting to abuse herself anymore, she turned the doorknob.

“Rafe? Can you help me?”

“Huh? Yeah,” he came to the door, closing his eyes before he halted right in front of the object. “Are you naked?”

“No, can’t seem to be, too. Can you help me unzip?”

Rafe opened his eyes, feeling his heartbeat quickening, and with trembling hands, slowly unzipped her dress and stopping directly at the curve of her bottoms, silently admiring the view. 

He cleared his throat, shaking his head at the childish behaviour he just found himself in. “Yeah, done.”

“Thanks, Rafe,” she smiled, and turned to close the door again. Rafe listened to her breathing in the bathroom for a few more seconds, knowing how hard she was trying to ignore the aching feeling eating off of her. He wished he could take her pain away an make it his, knowing that at least he’ll have an excuse to snort more coke to ‘forget the pain’. 

When she got out of the bathroom, Rafe had to stop himself from drooling over her in his shirt and boxers. She always look good, but she had never looked better in nothing but his yellow shirt and his boxers. 

Rafe closed the light, remembering how she hates sleeping with any form of light either it’s tiny or big, and settled himself on the sofa. He wanted to give her space, not wanting to rush anything, knowing how tired she must felt from all the things she had to endure today.

“Rafe, we’re not 10. You can sleep on the same bed as I am,” she sighed, turning to face the other side. Rafe stood up, thanking the gods above, and settled for his new room.

“We never sleep in the same bed before,” he said, pulling the covers to shield himself from the cold. (Y/N) snorted at this statement, still not looking at him or even turning to face him.

The closest thing they have done to sleep right next to each other was in the car during a road trip, and when they woke up, they were both throwing disgusted faces and pretending to vomit.

“Stop it, you guys look stupid,” Sarah groaned, giving them a quick look over her shoulder. Rafe pulled his middle finger from under the blanket he was sharing with (Y/N), causing her to snort and struggling to hide her laugh.

. . .

“So yeah, that’s how you hit it.”

“You’re bluffing,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes, taking over the club and watching the small hole in the distance, squinting her eyes. She took a step back, licked her teeth, and gave Topper the club back.

“See? I told you I’m right!” he exclaimed happily, clasping his hands together. He returned to the game, focusing on his goal, and hit the golf ball.

“That’s fine, I guess,” (Y/N) announced when he came back to the resting area, “For beginners.”

Rafe snorted, downing his mineral water before handing Topper the same bottle. Topper grunted at him, muttering how it’s unhygienic, but he took a full swing of it anyways, being so thirsty after sitting under the sun for hours long.

“We’re glad you’re back with us, (Y/N),” Topper smiled, removing his cap and fanning himself with the clothing. He opened his mouth to say something, but when he looked at Rafe’s expression, he quickly shut his mouth.

He wanted to ask her if she ever missed their old clique when she was with the pogues, but Rafe knew better. It had been 3 weeks since the incidence, and she had been doing so well in coping with the situation. They had been inseparable ever since, always attached to the hips everywhere they go; he couldn’t let one tiny mistake slip that can cause her another breakdown.

“Hey,” Kelce jogged to them, smiling apologetically at Rafe and Topper before placing a quick kiss on (Y/N) ‘s cheeks. (Y/N) smiled, knowing how sweet and gentle Kelce is, almost glad he still does the same thing to her even after they had not been hanging out for a year.

“You’re not dressed for the occasion,” Topper rolled his eyes, “And late. We’re already packing up, man.”

“I know, but I’m wondering if you guys would like to listen to Cage The Elephant this evening by the beach,” he explained, still heaving from his previous activity. He had drove straight from his home to the country club after getting 4 tickets to the show, excited to show his friends what he had gotten for her.

(Y/N) snorted, throwing her arms into the air. “Fuck off, Kelce. There’s no way they’re coming down to Obx.”

Kelce sighed, taking out his phone before showing her the proof in his photos. (Y/N) grinned, trying to contain herself, and looked at Rafe who seemed to be smiling as well.

“Thanks, Kelce,” she laughed, pulling him into a hug. They made her happy, and all the negative thoughts she had about them during her brief friendship with the pogues suddenly evaporating into the air. She squealed, jumping wildly, and she swore she has never felt this happy before.

Just them four. Like the old times.

Four hours later, (Y/N) took a step back when they arrived at the beach, the memory of what happened three weeks ago suddenly rewinding in her head. Rafe noticed how quiet she had been, and pulled her aside while Topper and Kelce went to check on the stage.

“Are you okay?”

(Y/N) bit her lips, nodding. She ran her fingers over the penguin charm Rafe had gotten her a week prior, saying how it resembles him when he sees her. (Y/N) rolled her eyes at him during that surprising moment, touched yet confused at the story behind the penguin charm.

“Okay. Do you need a drink?” he asked again, staring into her eyes. She shook her head, wetting her lips and putting on her usual smile. Rafe grinned at her, muttering how she’s doing so good, all while guiding her towards their two other friends.

“(Y/N)?”

(Y/N) turned to look at the source, not thinking much. She almost fell to the ground when she saw the person responsible, but Rafe still had his arms around her. He turned to check on her again, but followed her gaze when he noticed she was staring at the opposite direction.

“What the fuck?” Rafe yelled, pushing JJ’s chest with so much anger that he toppled over to John B. Sarah yelped, pulling Kie to her side, watching as her brother walked towards them furiously. 

“Chill, man, I just want to talk to her,” he said, taking a deep breath. He noticed the crowd starting to notice them, and his eyes landed on a certain girl who was held up by Topper and Kelce, both asking if she was okay.

“Fuck off, pogue,” Rafe said, his eyes stern as he stared over JJ and his group of friends. “You have nothing to say to her.”

As he turned to return to his friends, his chest heaving from the near-fight he almost encounter with JJ, he bended to (Y/N)’s height to check on her state. Her eyes were glassy, her face red.

“So you’re fucking them all now like a whore?” JJ shouted, loud enough for everyone else around them to gasp, and some already had their phones out. (Y/N) was shocked at this statement, frozen on her feet, not knowing what on earth would make JJ say that to her.

He was never mean to her, even when they had a fight. He yelled at her sometimes, sure, but she had been the one yelling first. He never called her anything of that sort, not even during sex, where she had given him her full consent.

“You’re crazy,” she muttered, her lips trembling. “Go to hell.”

“No, no, because it has always been easy for you, right? You broke up with me, got on with Rafe, leave your own friends and come back to the country clubs?” he laughed, and she flinched at his words. If JJ had meant the pogues as her friends, then he was totally wrong.

“Fuck off, pogue,” Topper stepped out, and before he could finish his sentence, JJ landed a full punch on his face, causing him to fall onto the ground with a thud.

(Y/N) screamed, getting to his side as Rafe returned JJ’s gesture. Topper laid on the ground with his nose starting to bleed, causing (Y/N) to panic while she rummaged through Rafe’s backpack he had left on the ground for clean tissues.

Topper groaned, keep wanting to get up, but (Y/N) held him in place, not letting her friend go and hurt himself more just for her. She cried while she tried to wipe the blood, hearing the fight behind her.

“Fuck you! You stupid pogue! You should be in jail like your dad!”

Something cracked in JJ as he yelled something back in pure anger. He punched, kicked, slapped and hit Rafe who was already on the ground, spitting blood.

“JJ! That’s enough,” Pope pulled him back, trying to contain the wild animal as he thrashed to escape. He yelled more curses at Rafe while Pope tried his best to pull him away, obviously not done with hitting the boy laying on the ground.

(Y/N) cried, running towards Rafe’s side, cupping his face and looking into his swollen eyes. She groaned when Rafe’s laugh filled the air, not believing how he was still joking in a state like this.

“I’m okay,” he said, his breath ragged. “Don’t cry. I’m okay.”

Rafe stood up slowly and looked at the direction of the still thrasing JJ, hearing his muffled shouts with his arms around (Y/N) ‘s waist. He held her close as she sobbed into his shoulder, still trembling.

“Let’s go home?” he asked, and (Y/N) didn’t need to be told twice to follow him into his car. As disappointed as she was that she didn’t get the chance to see her favourite band, she wanted to take care of Rafe, who had been there since the day she found out about Kie and JJ.

The clock struck 12 in the morning and the grandfather clock in the living room chimed as Rafe groaned, feeling a certain girl with trembling hands and tired eyes gently wiping a cotton pad across his cut. 

“Fuck! I said slowly,” he grunted, closing his eyes to decrease the pain. (Y/N) bit her lips, trying to concentrate all the while trying to contain her laugh. He hissed again when she dabbed on his cut, this time with his fingers gripping tightly around her wrist.

“I said slowly.”

“I’m doing it slow, asshole,” she smiled, and felt him softened when she finally threw the last cotton pad. She pulled the covers to his chin, fixing the front part of hair before going to the bathroom to wash her hands. When she came back, she found him still awake with his eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.

“I really need you to sleep,” she sighed, “To heal your pretty face.”

Rafe grinned and though (Y/N) tried her hardest not to smile back, she couldn’t deny the warm feeling settling in the pits of her stomach. 

“You think I’m pretty?”

There was no use denying it anymore.

“Yeah,” she shrugged, getting into the space beside him. “Even when you are all fucked up.”

(Y/N) could sense his smile even when she didn’t look at him, knowing how soft he usually end up being when she compliments him. She turned to look at him.

“Are you serious about not wanting a girlfriend?”

Rafe turned to look at her, his eyebrows raised. His insides exclaimed happily, liking the way his words had struck her. He meant what he said, but that statement didn’t apply to (Y/N). 

“Why?”

“Just asking,” she shrugged, and made a move to touch his cut. He hissed, feeling a sharp pain soaring in him, but she looked so peaceful trying to figure out his wound.

“You can kiss them to make them feel better,” he grinned, and watched as she groaned, trying to hide her face against the pillow. Rafe laughed, and turned the lamp beside him off, knowing that he shouldn’t push it and leave her be.

Just as he was about to drift into a peaceful sleep, he felt her soft lips against his, to which it was quick and gentle before she pulled away, giggling.

“4 years.”

“Huh?” (Y/N) questioned, still smiling from the kiss she just initiated a few seconds ago. She couldn’t contain herself; he looked so peaceful, so sweet, and so handsome. She didn’t know why she hadn’t kissed him sooner.

“I waited for that since 4 years ago.”

“Now you’re just pushing it, Rafe.”

Rafe grinned against the darkness, and felt his heart soaring. “Can we kiss again?”

“Tomorrow,” she stated, and Rafe laughed.

Tomorrrow. The next day. Next week. 

He didn’t care - as long as he will finally have her by his side. 

-

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