#bro got banned for real

[coconuttyglittersmurf]

[ghostdice]

what do you mean you went and learned my favorite song on the guitar for me

[23victoria]

Passing the Phone

f1 grid x reader

warnings: cussing, unhinged, satire, complete jokes (are they?...), dark humor ig…idk, talk of age gaps, sa allegations, no just kidding...very much reading people to the filth

authors note: lmaoo don’t ask me why i wrote this cause idk…but this is so unhinged 😭😭 please don’t take offense to this and if you do…i said don’t…all jokes i love them, some of them, you can find it funny or you won’t, just wanted to get this out of my drafts

want to be tagged in my works?! CLICK HERE!

f1 masterlist

Video starts with Y/N holding the phone, in selfie mode.

Y/N: I'm passing the phone to someone who had the biggest breakup in F1 history with a blond German boy named Nico.

Lewis: Babe, no!

Y/N: What, too soon? It's been years but okay! Sorry! Okay, let me start again. I'm passing the phone to someone who said "Fuck Mercedes" and is going to Ferrari for 2025!

Lewis: Y/N, no!! You cannot say that! You’re gonna get me in trouble!!

Y/N: Fine, fine, fine. I'm passing the phone to the GOAT of this generation with the most wins in F1 history, yet he was robbed of the championship in 2021.

Y/N passes the phone to Lewis.

Lewis: stares at Y/N then laughs “I'm passing the phone to someone who is known more for his memes than driving skills.”

Lewis passes the phone to George.

George: laughs “Hahaha real funny…I'm passing the phone to someone who took six years to get their first win."

Lando: “Dude, what the fuck?! Fuck you, Woody! I'm passing the phone to someone who's younger than me yet acts years older than me.”

Oscar: “....You're not funny... I'm passing the phone to someone who's most likely losing their seat next season.”

Logan: “The fuck, Oscar! I thought we were friends! Low blow, mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has yet to get P1, yet all his friends who got into F1 after him have won races already.”

Alex: “....And that, Logan, is why you're losing your seat. Mr. What The Fuck is A Kilometer. Anyway, I'm passing the phone to someone who just got brutally murdered by an interviewer on Sky Sports regarding their F1 career, if you could call it that.”

Daniel: “You shouldn’t be talking Mr. I Have No Wins….eat shit…I'm passing the phone to the shortest person on the grid but cusses more than anyone here.”

Yuki: “That interviewer was right, why the fuck do you still have a seat in F1?!! Dickhead. I'm passing the phone to a man with good fashion sense and his teammate might steal his seat.”

Zhou: “Bro….really. I'm passing the phone to someone who acts like he's Australian when he’s not…oh, and his seat is at risk too.”

Bottas: “Yeah, yeah, whatever mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has enough penalties in just nine races that he can be banned from racing in F1… permanently.

Kevin: “You're so funny, Bottas, hahaha…ha. I'm passing the phone to a dickhead.”

Nico: “Fuck you too asshole. I'm passing the phone to a person who has a shitty ass dad who deserves to be in jail.”

Max: burst out laughing “Ah, no lies told there. I'm passing the phone to someone who only has a seat to protect me from having any real competition…”

You laugh in the background “Oh shit.”

Checo: blank stare “Motherfucker! That just shows your true colors... I'm passing the phone to... who am I supposed to pass it to... uhhh... Y/N.

Takes phone 

Y/N: “Oh, I know! I'm passing the phone to someone who has sexual assault “allegations” against them, but the FIA wants to hide it. I can’t go near him for my safety, so I’ll just turn the camera towards him... *pans the camera to Christian Horner*

Everyone is stunned and silent, then there’s Lewis laughing in the background 

Y/N: “Oh! I have another one! Hey Kelly, “i hear you like them young”, to be more specific at the ripe age of 17... mhmmm, she's a pedoo. What Kendrick say “TRYNA STRIKE A CORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINNORRRR” *pans the camera to Kelly Piquet*

silence.

Lewis: runs towards Y/N and grabs the camera “Yup, that's enough for today. You're trying to start problems and get people beat up”

Video ends with Lewis taking the phone away from Y/N, shaking his head while laughing.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

✿ .° • everything taglist • °. ✿ : @ham1lton @ietss @animeandf1lover @nelly187 @heartsfromtaeyong @bloodyymaryyy @nor-4 @zacian117 @mel164 @uhhvictoria @hadidsworld @magixpracticality @exotic-iris13 @tellybearryyyy @zabwlky1999 @sya-skies @lillysbigwilly

@eoduuung

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

*sooooo……that’s the end….LMFAOOOO, again…DO NOT COME FOR ME…ITS JOKES (is it really though)*

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[jayflrt]

a stoner’s guide to starbucks

PAIRING ▸ lee heeseung x fem!reader (ft. enha, winter from aespa, beomgyu from txt, and dino from svt)

GENRES ▸ social media au (smau), crack, fluff, stoner au, strangers to lovers

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, sexual jokes, zero braincells, limited knowledge of the starbucks corporation, weed consumption, dumb shenanigans, ignore timestamps!

SUMMARY ▸ in which you work at the starbucks where heeseung is a regular at (and considered a public enemy). also he only goes when he’s stoned off his ass.

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ hello !! i am alive (real) also i was so committed to the bit that i got high to make this <3 shoutout @hoonbear for the Extensive Starbucks Knowledge 🫡 i would also like to note that i am NOT doing a tag list for this smau. also please note that this is a fictional setting and to boycott starbucks in real life for firing their workers over their pro palestine speech. remember to do your daily click!

INCOMING MESSAGES !

TEASER

PROFILES ONE | TWO

01. weed guy beomgyu

02. red bitch with the freckles rizz

03. starbucks public enemy #1

04. 50% cut ???

05. lee heeseung: upstanding citizen, NOT murderer

06. clearing up misunderstandings with an aqi under 50

07. chat is this real

08. daddy’s home 2

09. biodegrade ur chance at romance

10. triple filtered reverse osmosis water filtration system

11. losing the idgaf war

12. crazy gets u bitches

13. banned in the name of love

14. riki s worded irl??

15. 8ball brings nations together

16. killing myself postponed tonight repostponed

17. scheming sponsored by crazy bitch 62 and unimportant goon

18. the do-over date to end all first dates

19. seek BetterHelp.com

20. quarterly store meeting (remote)

21. WHAT ARE WE

22. heejake support group for heejake victims

23. bro fumbled the unfumbleable

24. sunghoon is the new Papa John

25. according to penal code 837 🤓☝️

26. jungwon pulls bitches (the duolingo owl) too

27. someone PLEASE take jungwon to see the teenage mutant ninja turtles movie

28. 14th date’s the charm

29. doc mcuggo

30. nothing to write home about

31. LONDON I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I LOST MY QUEEN TOO

32. starbucks double chocolate brownies

33. having a kid together before dating is next level

34. tweaking out on 5 hour energy

35. 7.83 inches

36. The Milk Makes The Man, And The Man Makes The Milk

37. sunghoon from papa john's from starbucks

38. then who's flying the plane???

39. league of legends quarantine ex girlfriend

40. WELCOME HOME CHEATER 😐

41. unknown evil forces (chaewon)

42. friends to rivaling coffee shop employees au

43. do NOT get the weed frap

44. now on channel 9 news

45. choose your fighter heeseung tit variation

46. kitten i'll be honest, daddy's about to kill himself

47. a fire can be put out but missing a bereal is forever

48. baby's first customer connection score

49. #STARBUCKS_FIRST_WIN

50. epilogue

UNCUTS !

weekly weed check 🗣️

SUNGHOONXJLAW

happy weedsgiving

minjake texts

the Sunghoon Special

goons vs baby shark movie

COMPLETED 12/1/23

[astonmartinii]

you and me got a whole lotta history | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x historian!reader

y/n is a historian and it’s not her fault her bf’s job takes him all around the world…

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 102,561 others

location: melbourne 📍

yourusername: so it’s the australian grand prix and i’ve spent the start of the week exploring this old city. one of my stops was the historic old melbourne gaol. this now museum was once a prison that housed some of the most feared criminals in australian history. constructed in 1839, the old melbourne gaol saw 133 hanged for their crimes between 1845 and 1924. it was briefly used during world war two but ceased operation as a prison in 1924 and was renovated to be part of the RMIT university and the museum it is today. a definite must if you’re visiting melbourne !!

view all comments

user1: my fave part of the race week is y/n’s museum recommendations tbf

user2: i can vision charles being dragged around this place hating his life

charles_leclerc: the things we do for love

yourusername: you said you enjoyed it :(

charles_leclerc: I DID

user2: oops

yourusername: i’ll leave you at the hotel next time

charles_leclerc: it was scary but i enjoyed it because i was with you

yourusername: okay that’s better

danielricciardo: so my farm isn’t good enough for you

yourusername: noooooo danny i thought we were going after the race?

danielricciardo: oof my bad

user3: petition for there to be a teds notebook but it’s y/n giving us a historical guide to the city the race is in

f1: we’re listening @skysportsf1

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, scuderica ferrari and 788,341 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: tough race in melbourne but a beautiful city regardless

view all comments

user4: HE served, we don’t talk about the race

yourusername: i don’t mean to say i told you so but i did say our day trip would be the best part

user5: girl you’re gonna get banned from the ferrari garage

yourusername: they deserve far worse than what i’m saying let’s be real

user5: true

user6: i love how charles didn’t reply ferrari has his ass ON LOCK

carlossainz55: we'll come back stronger

danielricciardo: we can all commiserate at my farm bro

charles_leclerc: your farm better be as good as you're saying now

danielricciardo: nervously awaiting the y/n review

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 104,561 others

location: miami 📍

yourusername: though miami may be known for it's partying (it's all about the U), charles and i took our monday to take a stroll around st bernard de clairvaux church, one of miami's hidden gems. the church was originally built in spain all the way back in 1141 to the style of cistercian romanesque architecture for alfonso vii. the monastry's cloister was illegally purchased by american william randolph hearst in 1926 and in order for the church to be transported it was dismantled to 11,000 pieces and sent to the us where it was rebuilt and still stands to this day.

view all comments

user7: i'm never gonna be able to afford to go to miami so why did i read this whole thing like i'll visit some day?

yourusername: history is important and interesting, always good to read even if you never visit !!

user8: she's like the older sister i never had

user9: did charles enjoy this one more?

yourusername: "at least i'll get a tan here"

charles_leclerc: i feel like anyone who reads about me in your comments will think i'm an asshole, i have fun every time i just don't understand most of it

yourusername: i know you have fun baby (and i love you for driving us to all of these places)

user10: have you considered our super historic frat house this saturday night?

user11: imagine thinking you have a chance when her literal boyf is CHARLES LECLERC

user10: every goal has a goalkeeper doesn't mean you can't score

charles_leclerc: i will run you over

user12: omg ferrari's pr is quaking

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lancestroll and 112,677 others

yourusername: it is my biggest honour to announce my position as a history lecturer here at oxford!! i always dreamed of studying here and to get to pass on my knowledge to those looking to follow in my footsteps is a huge pleasure and responsibility.

p.s. no worries, it is not full time so race week explorations will continue.

view all comments

user13: so it was true :(((((( wait i just read the whole post my bad

user14: so i guess i now need to turn my Cs into As if i wanna attend a y/n lecture

charles_leclerc: unbelievably proud of you my love - don't miss me too much

yourusername: you sure i can't persuade you to move to england with me :(

charles_leclerc: i'll be there as much as i can be but monaco is still our home

yourusername: always

landonorris: proud of you smarty pants

yourusername: thank you landito

landonorris: so you'll now root for the brits?

charles_leclerc: over my dead body

yourusername: what charlie said

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, yourusername and 1,209,778 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: super happy for another win for the season but we keep pushing for the real prize at the end of the season - thank you for your continued support tifosi and my love y/n who stayed up all the way in oxford ❤️

view all comments

user20: i don't wanna jinx it but like the season is going well

user21: too well....

yourusername: winning looks good on you

charles_leclerc: you look better on me

pierregasly: oh god you've been apart for a triple header and now you're being horny on main

yourusername: says mr. doggy emoji

pierregasly: touche

user22: so charles can mathematically win in either austin or brazil FUCK THEM KIDS I NEED Y/N AT THESE RACES

user23: if she's not there for charles wdc i am personally going to have a sleepover on the train tracks

yourusername added to their story

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 503,786 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: the autodromo jose carlos pace is the crown jewel of the interlagos neighbourhood. the circuit opened 83 years ago and has hosted the f1 since 1972. the circuit was originally meant to be a housing area but due to the 1929 stock market crash the owners decided to construct a racing track instead. interlagos is often a season decider with fernando alonso winning both his 2005 and 2006 titles here, kimi raikkonen winning the 2007 championship here, lewis hamilton won the 2008 championship here, jenson button clinched the 2009 title here and CHARLES LECLERC WON HIS FIRST TITLE HERE IN INTERLAGOS FOR THE 2023 SEASON

on a real note i am so proud of you charles, i have seen the sacrifices you have made and the unbelievable amount of effort you pour into every facet of your racing NO ONE deserves this more than you. i am so grateful to have shared this moment with you, here's to many more xxx

view all comments

user26: i am unwell this is so fucking cute

user27: bro this is so fucking crazy

charles_leclerc: couldn't have done it without you, so glad you could be there for me xx

yourusername: always charlie xx

yourstudent: miss y/n you can cancel all of our lectures if charles wins the championship again FORZA FERRARI

charles_leclerc: the people have spoken

user28: insane butterfly effect of the wall street crash to charles leclerc 2023 wdc

user29: they make me believe in love

note: this was super random but popped into my head while at work and i knew i had to write it !! hope you enjoyed xx

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Kickstarting “The Bezzle” audiobook, sequel to Red Team Blues

I'm heading to Berlin! On January 29, I'll be delivering Transmediale's Marshall McLuhan Lecture, and on January 30, I'll be at Otherland Books (tickets are limited! They'll have exclusive early access to the English edition of The Bezzle and the German edition of Red Team Blues!).

I'm kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to last year's Red Team Blues, featuring Marty Hench, a hard-charging, two-fisted forensic accountant who spent 40 years in Silicon Valley, busting every finance scam hatched by tech bros' feverish imaginations:

http://thebezzle.org

Marty Hench is a great character to write. His career in high-tech scambusting starts in the early 1980s with the first PCs and stretches all the way to the cryptocurrency era, the most target-rich environment for scamhunting tech has ever seen. Hench is the Zelig of tech scams, and I'm having so much fun using him to probe the seamy underbelly of the tech economy.

Enter The Bezzle, which will be published by Tor Books and Head of Zeus on Feb 20: this adventure finds Marty in the company of Scott Warms, one of the many bright technologists whose great startup was bought and destroyed by Yahoo! (yes, they really used that asinine exclamation mark). Scott is shackled to the Punctuation Factory by golden handcuffs, and he's determined to get fired without cause, so he can collect his shares and move onto the next thing.

That's how Scott and Marty find themselves on Catalina island, the redoubt of the Wrigley family, where bison roam the hills, yachts bob in the habor and fast food is banned. Scott invites Marty on a series of luxury vacations on Catalina, which end abruptly when they discover – and implode – a hamburger-related Ponzi scheme run by a real-estate millionaire who is destroying the personal finances of the Island's working-class townies out of sheer sadism.

Scott's victory is bittersweet: sure, he blew up the Ponzi scheme, but he's also made powerful enemies – the kinds of enemies who can pull strings with the notoriously corrupt LA County Sheriff's Deputies who are the only law on Catalina, and after taking a pair of felony plea deals, Scott gets the message and never visits Catalina Island again.

That could have been the end of it, but California's three-strikes law – since rescinded – means that when Scott picks up one more felony conviction for some drugs discovered during a traffic stop, he's facing life in prison.

That's where The Bezzle really gets into gear.

At its core, The Bezzle is a novel about the "shitty technology adoption curve": the idea that our worst technological schemes are sanded smooth on the bodies of prisoners, mental patients, kids and refugees before they work their way up the privilege gradient and are inflicted on all of us:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

America's prisons are vicious, brutal places, and technology has only made them worse. When Scott's prison swaps out in-person visits, the prison library, and phone calls for a "free" tablet that offers all these services as janky apps that cost ten times more than they would on the outside, the cruelty finds a business model.

Working inside and outside the prison Marty Hench and Scott Warms figure out the full nature of the scam that the captive audience of prisoners are involuntary beta-testers for, and they discover a sprawling web of real-estate fraud, tech scams, and offshore finance that is extracting fortunes from the hides of America's prisoners and their families. The criminals who run that kind of enterprise aren't shy about fighting for what they've got, and they're more than happy to cut some of LA County's notorious deputy gangs in for a cut in exchange for providing some kinetic support for the project.

The Bezzle is exactly the kind of book I was hoping I'd get to write when I kicked off the Hench series – one that decodes the scam economy, from music royalties to prison videoconferencing, real estate investment trusts to Big Four accounting firm bogus audits. It's both a fast-moving, two-fisted crime novel and a masterclass on how the rich and powerful get away with both literal and figurative murder.

It's getting a big push from both my publishers and I'll be touring western Canada and the US with it. The early reviews are spectacular. But despite all of this, I had to make my own audiobook for it, which I'm pre-selling on Kickstarter:

http://thebezzle.org

Why? Because Audible – Amazon's monopoly gatekeeper to the audiobook world, with more than 90% of the market – refuses to carry my work.

Audible uses Digital Rights Management to lock every audiobook they sell to their platform. Legally, only an Audible-authorized app can decrypt and play the audiobooks they sell you. Distributing a tool that removes Audible DRM is a felony under Section 1201 of the 1998 DMCA.

That means that if you break up with Audible – delete your Audible apps – you will lose your entire audiobook library. And the fact that you're Audible's hostage makes the writers you love into their hostages, too. Writers understand that if they leave the Audible platform, their audience will have to choose between following them, or losing all their audiobooks.

That's how Audible gets away with abusing its performers and writers, up to and including the $100m Audiblegate wage-theft scandal:

https://www.audiblegate.com/

Audible can steal $100m from its writers…and the writers still continue to sell on the platform, because leaving will cost them their audience.

This is canonical enshittification: lock in users, then screw suppliers. Lots of companies abuse DRM to do this, but none can hold a candle to Amazon, who understand that the DMCA is a copyright law that protects corporations at the expense of creators.

Under DMCA 1201 commercial distribution of a "circumvention device" carries a five-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine. That means that if I write a book, pay to have it recorded, and then sell it to you through Audible, I am criminally prohibited from giving you the tool to take it from Audible to another platform. Even though I hold the copyright to that work, I would face a harsher sentence than you would if you simply pirated the audiobook from some darknet site. Not only that: if you shoplifted the audiobook in CD form, you'd get a lighter sentence than I, the copyright holder, would receive for giving you a tool to unlock it from Amazon's platform! Hell, if you hijacked the truck that delivered the CD, you'd get off lighter than I would. This is a scam straight out of a Marty Hench novel.

This is batshit. I won't allow it. My books are licensed on the condition that they must not be sold with DRM. Which means that Audible won't sell my books, which means that my publishers are thoroughly disinterested in paying thousands of dollars to produce audiobooks of my titles. A book that isn't sold in the one store than accounts for 90% of all sales is unlikely to do well.

That's where you come in. Since 2020, I've used Kickstarter to pre-sell five of my audiobooks (I wrote nine books during lockdown!). All told, I've raised over $750,000 (gross! but still!) on these crowdfunders. More than 20,000 backers have pitched in! The last two of these books – The Internet Con and The Lost Cause – were national bestsellers.

This isn't just a way for me to pay off a lot of bills and put away something for retirement – it's proof that readers care about supporting writers and don't want to be locked in by a giant monopolist that depends on its drivers pissing in bottles to make quota.

It's a powerful message about the desire for something better than Amazon. It's part of the current that is driving the FTC to haul Amazon into court for being a monopolist, and also part of the inspiration for other authors to try treating Amazon as damage and routing around it, with spectacular results:

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/dragonsteel/surprise-four-secret-novels-by-brandon-sanderson

And I'm doing it again. Last December, I went into Skyboat Media's studios where Gabrielle De Cuir directed @wilwheaton, who reprised his role as Marty Hench for the audiobook of The Bezzle. It came out amazing:

https://archive.org/details/bezzle-sample

Now I'm pre-selling this audiobook, as well as the ebook and hardcover for The Bezzle. I'm also offering bundles with the ebook and audiobook for Red Team Blues (naturally these are all DRM-free). You can get your books signed and personalized and shipped anywhere in the world, courtesy of Book Soup, and I've partnered with Libro.fm to deliver DRM-free audiobooks with an app for people who don't want to mess around with sideloading.

I've also got some spendy options for high rollers. There's three chances to name a character in the next Hench novel (Picks and Shovels, Feb 2025). There's also five chances to commission a Hench short story about your favorite tech scam, and get credited when the story is published.

The Kickstarter runs for the next three weeks, which should give me time to get the hardcopy books signed and shipped to arrive around the on-sale date. What's more, I've finally worked out all the post-Brexit kinks with shipping my UK publisher's books to EU backers. I'm working with Otherland Books to fulfill those EU orders, and it looks like I'm going to be able to sign a giant stack of those when I'm in Berlin later this month to give the annual Marshall McLuhan lecture at the Canadian embassy:

https://transmediale.de/en/2024/event/mcluhan-2024

Red Team Blues and its sequels are some of the most fun – and informative – work I've done in my quarter-century career. I love how they blend technical explanations of the scam economy with high-intensity technothrillers. That's the the same mix as my bestselling YA series Little Brother series – but these are firmly adult novels.

The Bezzle came out great. I hope you'll give it a try – and that you'll come out to see me in late February when I hit the road with the book! Here's that Kickstarter link again:

http://thebezzle.org

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/10/the-bezzle/#marty-hench

[raihann1]

✶.˚PLAYING DTI WITH THE CREEPS⋆⭒˚👠

CHARACTERS: Jane, Nina, Jeff, BEN, Toby

---------------------------

JANE THE KILLER🔪★

Loves the gothic themes.

She KNOWS how to make a good outfit.

Definetly votes you 5 stars no matter what.

Will match with you!

Plays in her freetime.

Has custom makeup and VIP 😭

Definitely uses Inspo from her outfits.

---------------------------------------

NINA THE KILLER🔪♡

Definitely teams with you.

Never votes anyone besides you 💀

Uses pintrest for inspo

LOVES when you play with her.

The kind of person to hate teaming but teams with her friends all the time

Goes overboard

Lots of Layers.

Has Custom makeup and spends at least half her time to make a face.

Listens to spotify while playing :)

---------------------------------------

JEFF THE KILLER🔪♪︎

Uhh what the fuck?

Does not know how to play

Definitely rages

"That bitch did not deserve to win."

Writes curse words at players who "joined late"

Got banned 💀

Does not know the theme so he copys the person who knows what they're doing.

Will ruin your duo, do not do a duo with him.

"Pay me 5 dollars and I'll vote you 5 stars."

Does not have any gamepasses (broke ass)

---------------------------------------

BEN DROWNED☆🎮

Try hard

Makes fun of everyones outfits

His outfits are worse

He hacks the game so he wins every time 💀

Will scare little kids 💀

Refuses to duo

Says he'll give you 5 stars if you do the same (he doesn't give you any stars)

Little shit

Will copy people.

Fucks with peoples chats 😭

---------------------------------------

TICCI TOBY◎🪓

Bro does not know how to even walk in the game.

Asks you "how do I chat?"

Definitely gets too distracted on all the items and has a unfinished outfit 💀

He bought you VIP once because you really wanted it (he stole money)

He'll vote you 5 stars no matter what.

He'll call people who do duos hackers 💀

Thinks Lina is a real player 😭

---------------------------------------

[fredwkong]

Himbo Maker: Misha

Misha was an Egirl: a European Guy In Real Life. He would do his makeup, put on fake eyelashes, a wig, and a pair of pink headphones with kitty cat ears, and stream video games online. He loved to troll new viewers by spending an hour or so doing a breathy, feminine voice, and then suddenly hit them with his natural Baltic baritone. The way the chat went crazy made it worth it every time.

The whole game was helped by how petit and curvy Misha had always been. Even in his twenties, he still had a soft, almost girlish body and stood at most of other guys’ sternums. Too bad he wasn’t a trans girl, or at least a gay boy, he sometimes thought, looking at his body in the mirror. Gay guys were supposed to go for little guys who looked like him.

One evening, Misha was just starting his stream when some user started acting really weird in chat. He had a username that almost seemed familiar to Misha, but the guy he was thinking of had always been polite and given insightful comments on Misha’s gaming. This guy’s messages were full of typos, and he couldn’t seem to stop talking about his muscles.

Misha was just about to ban the guy when an alert sounded: Misha’s charming, girly laugh, which indicated a user had just donated a hefty sum. Of course, it was this annoying brodude.

“Uh,” said Misha, almost forgetting to put on his femmy voice, “He says, “Bro, this guy liek wants to chat wiht u on stream.” And there’s a link in the donation.”

Clicking the link, Misha found himself looking at a chat website he’d never seen before. “Hold on, let me share my screen,” he simpered, sharing the chat window. Somehow, his usual screen name was already in the bar. It must have populated from his stream.

Mish-kittycat: Like, heyoooo! You okay with being on stream with me? (✿◠‿◠)

Himbo_mkr: No way, bruh! I love meeting new bros. Like, hi stream!

Misha was a bit offended that this chat partner would refer to him as a “bro.” But stream chat seemed interested, so he thought it could be worth a few minutes to humour the donater. It had been a fair amount of money.

Mish-kittycat: What do you want to talk about UwU

Himbo_mkr: Bro, you know that all I ever talk about are my sick gains and going out with guys, lmao

Okay, so this was a troll. They probably wanted to get Misha banned for lewdness or something. Still, at least it was original that the troll character was a gay guy. He rolled his eyes at the stream and said, out loud in his girl voice, “Looks like someone got mad enough to pay to speak with all this.” He gestured down his slim body in tonight’s outfit, a stereotypical Japanese maid costume.

Himbo_mkr: Huhuhu, bro, you clicked on the link. Didn’t force you to do it.

Misha froze. Of course the troll was watching the stream. “Heh, I don’t let meatheaded bullies boss me around,” he chirped, trying to save face.

Himbo_mkr: You sure? You sure like it when your chat bosses you around, bro.

Now this guy was just lying. Misha scowled, even though he knew the expression would make his foundation crack unattractively. “This is a really weird way to bully someone.” He looked at the stream chat, waiting for his subscribers to back him up.

But the character of the chat seemed to have changed. No, they had always been bossy, Misha suddenly remembered. They would tell Misha how to play his games all the time while he pretended to struggle. It was a key part of the dynamic of his channel that chat bossed him around, and right now they were telling him to go back to chatting with this guy. One guy even messaged, “No more talking, kitty. You’re only allowed to write in the chat.” Misha gave the camera a plaintive look, but listened. He always listened to his chat.

Mish-kittycat: So maybe you’re right about that one thing, but coming in here being rude is totally uncool (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง

Himbo_mkr: Bro, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I was just tryna compliment you on your sick bis, dude.

Misha cocked his head, confused. He was the opposite of buff, that was why he was so good at dressing as a girl. But as he continued to think about it, he remembered all the hours he spent working on his arms. He kept a set of weights next to his bedroom door, and he did bicep curls to failure every time he went through the doorway. Yeah, his biceps were his pride and joy, and they were usually how he showed off his manliness when he revealed his deep voice and accent.

A tip came in. “Flex for us, kitty,” commanded the text-to-speech voice. With a smirk, Misha lifted up one of his arms, feeling it stretch the sleeve of his maid costume as the veins popped. Too bad the rest of his body hadn’t followed his arms and gotten bulky.

Himbo_mkr: We’re all waiting for you to drop your lifting routine, bro! You’ve been totally blowing up.

Misha blushed at the flattery. His physique wasn’t all that impressive. Sure, now that he thought about it, he had been really hitting the weights a lot and eating right. In fact, his room seemed to be full of lifting clothes and supplements as he looked around. But that was because some of his subscribers kept telling him to get to the gym and hit his macros. It had actually been really freeing to just let people pay to tell him what to do on his fitness journey. And it was paying off! Misha definitely couldn’t pass for a girl these days, which was why the channel had changed to be more about doing stuff in-game for the highest bidders.

The maid costume barely wrapped around Misha’s broad pecs, and the garters had torn when he’d tried to pull them up his thick thighs. Sure, it had been funny when the stream started and the chat had gotten Misha to show off his shoulder raises while dressed in a little maid skirt, but the polyester was really starting to chafe on his smooth muscles. It was a relief when a tip rolled in while Misha flexed and said “Kitty, wear comfy clothes.” The chat oooohed and aaaahed as Misha shucked the maid costume, showing off his bulky chest, and pulled on his favourite comfy shirt instead. Sure, it had some tears and stuff, but as a masculine guy, Misha wasn’t worried about dressing up fancy or anything.

The guy whose chat Misha was streaming had been quiet, so Misha hopped back over and sent another message.

Mish-kittyhunk: Thanks man! It’s all about trusting the process.

Himbo_mkr: I can tell that you trust people, bro! You’re like a puppy lmao.

Well, Misha thought, maybe he did like getting bossed around in chat, but it wasn’t like he trusted everyone blindly! Okay, well, maybe he did tend to stop to help people on the road and then lose his wallet a lot. They looked like they needed help! And maybe he did sometimes click on links that meant he needed to take his phone to the store for them to fix, but so did everyone else!

Looking at the chat, who were all laughing about Misha being a totally trusting puppy, Misha had to finally agree. That was why one of his subscribers had gotten him this headset with floppy dog ears on it, after all.

Mish-puphunk: Haha, you got me, dude! That’s why I clicked on this link, too XD

Himbo_mkr: It’s okay, bro. Lots of gay hunks are pretty dumb, it just adds to that himbo appeal.

This time this guy was definitely making stuff up. Misha was totally straight, he just didn’t do well with girls. Well, that and being a submissive hunk online mostly attracted a gay male fanbase. And, well, now that he thought about it, when was the last time Misha had really thought about a girl? Like, maybe if it was a domme? But no, even then, Misha would really prefer a guy to be involved at some point. This guy was probably right, Misha was gay.

It was super hard to think. There was a reason that Misha preferred to let chat do the thinking for him. Even before he realised how much he loved to listen when men told him what to do, Misha had never been much of a deep thinker. That was why most of the stuff in his room was gym gear, gaming stuff, or whatever his subscribers bought for him. Lately, they had been really loving when Misha wore even less clothes and showed off more of his growing body, and Misha was happy to oblige as long as they kept telling him what to do!

Mish-puphunk: Lol I guess you’re right! I just wanna give sirs what they want

Himbo_mkr: Bro, I totally get why you love pup play so much. You just love being obedient and dumb and empty lmao. You, like, pretty much live in your mask these days.

A pup mask…Misha was pretty sure one of his subscribers had sent him one of those once, but it had been really confusing to put on and he’d only worn it once. No, wait, that wasn’t right. Misha was such a ditz! He’d loved the experience of putting on the pup mask and letting himself be a dumb pup for his chat. And chat had loved sending in tips to give him commands like “sit,” “roll over,” and “stick a tail in your hole.”

It had been so popular that the subscribers had told Misha to make it a weekly thing, then a biweekly thing, and by now it had pretty much become what Misha did during his streams. While chatting with this guy had been fun, Misha really wanted to get on with the stream and mask up. He opened his mouth to tell the viewers that, but then remembered that he had been ordered not to talk. Too bad, chat would only hear his deep, resonant voice if they ordered him to bark after he put on his mask.

Mish-puphunk: Okay dude, I gotta go be a good dumb pup now.

Himbo_mkr: Got it, bruh! You got a bunch of hunky doms to please by being a good pup slut!

Chat cheered as Misha stopped streaming the chat window and winked at the camera. An especially hung dom who loved to tip had won the bid war last night to decide what Misha wore, so Misha fondled the straps of his leather harness as he got up to grab his mask. He wondered what his chat full of muscular, horny himbo doms would have him do today.

Misha slipped on the mask and let his mind go blank.

[kurikive]

MINECRAFT — 6. email from ador

“Safe to say, the meeting was a success.” Haerin treads beside her members with a smile, “We’re definitely doing Minecraft content.” The confident smirk couldn’t be wiped off of the youngest’s faces even with the strongest of efforts. But Minji couldn’t even begin to grin.

One of the last things that was mentioned in the meeting was the possibility of a collaboration. The oldest, being the most responsible, was always wary of these types of collaborations between influencers or personalities, especially with men.

In an industry as plagued with masculinity as the gaming industry, it was going to be extremely difficult to find a female figure with enough notoriety to be deemed worthy (by their staff) of collaborating with the group. At least that’s what Minji thought. 

And so she started preparing herself mentally to be disappointed at their PR team’s future decisions.

Minji has experienced ignorance, disrespect, mockery and more by her male peers and seniors, it was more than understandable for her to feel unsafe and uncomfortable while working with them. What she didn’t know was that the NewJeans PR team had already set their eyes on one particular person. Someone no one would expect.

The four young adults strolled out on the streets of Seoul. It was around 9 in the evening when they finally got out of the restaurant Anton’s uncle owned. Stomachs full and pockets empty, no wonder they were constantly losing money. They headed to Y/N’s apartment, where they resided in everytime after a hangout.

“Dude, I can’t believe it actually broke the glass.” Anton says to Jiwoo, who was laughing loudly with Hyewon.

“Of course it broke the glass! Are you kidding? It’s a hockey puck!” Jiwoo argues in between laughs. “What I can’t believe is that he was so mad he threw it that hard at the glass. Like, bro, you’re thirty!”

“I do have to say, most thirty year old men tend to have anger issues.” Hyewon adds as she tries to calm down her own laughter. The usual story of a random adult man trying to beat a professional female athlete at her own sport will always be funny.

“They always end up embarrassing themselves.” Y/N declares calmly, the fits of laughter usually affect her just as badly, but seeing the image of her friends laughing under the street lights had her a bit emotional. She could only admire the picture with a smile on her face, “And what happened to the guy after?”

“Oh, the guards immediately came to get him. I think he got banned or something.” They weren’t that far from her apartment, but the vibration in Y/N’s right pocket leaves her bothered for a few seconds before she takes her phone out. She first checks the hour, exactly 10:00 P.M, shortly her eyes trace down to the sole notification, standing out amidst her dark phone background. It’s an E-mail.

She unlocks her phone before she gets to even read who it’s from, but then when she does, it doesn’t really click at first. At first she thinks it’s a prank, but then she double checks. No, it’s real.

“Uh… guys?” The tone in which she starts her sentence alarms her friends, and suddenly all their eyes are on her. “Why the hell did I just get an E-mail from ADOR?”

masterlist | next

taglist # @yumtooki @saysirhc @modanisgf @yerimbrit @sixflame438 @miinatozakiii @hotluvlet @mym1na @keiji-jin @wintersgff @wonyoungssi @kimminjiissosjdirbidnsjje @shozeu @haerinsloverr @kaypanaq @pandafuriosa60

[ihavehomworktodobutimhereinstead]

𝔸𝕝𝕝 𝕄𝕪 𝕄𝕦𝕥𝕦𝕒𝕝𝕤

long ass list below cut (btw thanks @wretched-meadow for the idea!)

@vincentclark65900: My very first mutual!! Haven’t talked to you in a while, how ya doing?

@salty-and-spiraling: My #1 Dragon Prince yapper

@polskasroka: EPIC yapper #1 (love ya pooks)

@that-0ne-sam: Gimmick blog! 60% of my dash lmao

@pennyroyald: could go on for so long how much I love her platonically. Take care of yourself girly.

@orchid-merryweather: pooks :3

@jaydove-writes: Absolute chaos. No idea what is going on over there and I’m HERE FOR IT

@steph-schuyler: HAMILTON HEhE (occasionally PJO too! Yayy!!)

@iliveinyourfridge67: found them through this post. SDV and PJO fan!!

@whoisenver: Zestiest bestie, also tax evasion (no context for that)

@thatonestarkid/ @erosjournal : Maurders fan, PJO and Valgrace yapper #2!!

@crispyasaurusxx: art yapper :)

@thatgayash: Not doing well mentally. Get better soon Ash.

@imsooooooootired: absolute chaos gremlin <3

@can-i-explode-now: #i want garlic bread is so real lmao

@lillianemerald: MiRacOuLoUs! SiMpLy tHe bEsT- I WaS A GIRL IN A VILLAGE DOING ALRIGHT-

@a-chocolate-eclair: LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE-

@n3rdchi1d: TDP!! YIPPEE

@manicali: AHHhH!!! MANIC!! REBLOGS AND INTERACTS WITH ALMOST ALL OF MY POSTS/REBLOGS- *spontaneously combusts*

@thesweetdevilsamantha: kinda goofy ngl, don’t interact much, but seems cool!

@kk-cats: When did KK spawn in bro? I legitimately don’t remember when we became moots. But our nicknames are similar so.. yeah!

@the-red-hoodlum: Deadpool ig? Blog gets a little real sometimes, but their neat.

@girlypopjazzy: GINGER GINGER WEASLY WEASLY-

@nixthemarshadowreal: 🐝🐝🐝

@aflairforthemelodramaticc: Stopped her from committing suicide :o! Also just realized that they and @jaydove-writes know each other? Neat. (Ps, when tf did you change your pfp I was looking through my moots and got so confused like who is this then I saw the username and I was like ohhh)

@wretched-meadow: SAME TIMEZONE YAYYY!! Big fan of their Valgrace rp!

@toastwithasideofegg: PSYCOLOGY+GREEK MYTHOLOGY POOKIE!! AND VALGRACE HOLY FUCK

@reyna4ever: RARA RP!! (Rah, rah-ah-ah-ah, Roma, roma-ma, Gaga, ooh-la-la-)

@mentallyunstablequeen101: SOLANGELO AHhhH!!!( me too bestie, we both unstable-)

@emdabitchass: CAVETOWN RAAHH-

@gryph-the-condor: BAN-ATHENA! AU!!!!(just realized we were moots lmao)

@bunnybryson:CONANGRAYCONANGRAYCONANGRAYCONANGRAYCONANGRAYCONANGRAYCONANGRAYCONA-

@123letsgobestie: Met in Valgrace community.

@xxmychemicalmonsterzxx: Met with wattpad refrences lmao

@demigod-jack-hearth: moots with a shit ton of my moots so likely y’all know them

Whew, That took a while! This has been in progress for… brb going to check. FIVE FUCKING DAYS??!!! Love ya moots.

Edit: NEW MOOT EVERY ONE SAY HELLO TO @xxmychemicalmonsterzxx

EDIT #2: WELCOME @demigod-jack-hearth

[amxrany]

!! CHAPTER 7 / DIASOMNIA ARC SPOILERS !!

I am not in the mood to study so yeah (Part 3):

The senate (which are just these 3 floaty thingies) start to blame him for Meleanor's death and they punish him by banning him from the capital (which makes Silver and Sebek realize why Lilia can't do certain things). BUT BAD NEWS GUYS THE BLOT IS BACK and it's forming around Lilia with him muttering that he'll join them (Meleanor and Leverne) soon...

All of a sudden the ring (yknow the one Silver has) teleports them to another old memory, taking place 10 years after the war where Lilia was secretly called by Maleficia. Apparently Malleus eggo stopped accepting her magic and that direct touch and love would be more efficient

Baul wants Lilia to travel to various to find ways to hatch Malleus eggo and also reminds Lilia of Meleanor's last words where if she's gone, Lilia will be the one in charge of hatching him (as well as acting like a married couple with Leverne OKAYYYYYY)

Lilia tells the eggo that if he ends up in the stars before Lilia returns, eggo's parents are going to scold him so he asks Malleus to hold on AND MOTHERFUCKER

Lilia travels around the world, but everytime he brings up the egg people immediately shum him out, saying that dragons only exist in fairy tales. But every time Lilia comes back to Malleus eggo, Baul notices that the magic increases. Then Lilia suddenly brings up that Meleanor was a picky eater while Leverne was a honor student but in reality the dude hid his veggies under the table 😭😭😭

A rumor goes around that there was a castle holding dragons so Lilia goes to check it out, but he was too late. He then breaks down asking if anyone knew how to hatch the egg until magic suddenly overflows and boom we got the origin story of Lilia's UM. He uses this to his advantage to find more research to hatch Malleus

200 years has passed and Lilia was succesful

MALLEUS COMES TO LIFE LET'S GOOOOO (AND LEONA WAS RIGHT HE DOES LOOK LIKE A LIZARD (AFFECTIONATE))

Lilia breaks down cuz after 200 YEARS MAN HE FINALLY DID IT , MALLEUS GAVE HIM HOPE 🥹

Silver finally understands why the dream turned out like this, Lilia lost everyone but his happiest moment was bringing Malleus to life. The senate praise Lilia for being a hero but something happens

OVERBLOT MALLEUS IS BACK AYEEEEEEEEEEEE I MISS YOU BOO

LILIA LOOKS AT OB MALLEUS AND THOUGHT IT SOUNDED LIKE LEVERNE BUT MALLEUS LOOKS LIKE MELEANOR

Malleus pretty much goes nuts here because the senate and Maleficia were lying to him. He then asks Lilia what dream does he want: One where Meleanor and Leverne lived or something else that makes him happy BUT SILVER AND SEBEK MANAGE TO INTERVENE AND SNAP LILIA BACK TO REALITY YEYYYYYY

With Lilia now back to us, the group proceeds to run away but while that was happening Lilia mentioned this

Then Silver promises Lilia that they will meet again and activates his UM BUT THEN A HOLGRAM OF ORTHO APPEARS TO THEM

THEY'RE ALL BACK AND IGNIHYDE WITH IDIA SAYING "time for the main event~~~~" LET'S GOOO THE SHROUD BROS ARE BACK BABY

Manifesting real hard for the next update being the Shroud bros segment cuz if you think about it Idia didn't need any assistance to escape the dream LIKE BRO ACCEPTED THE FACT HIS BROTHER IS DEAD AND THAT'S HARD

This was surprisingly short (or maybe I was rushing) with only 3 parts but hope you guys enjoyed it!!

Previous: Part 2

[oatmealmika]

What Are They Like On Social Media (Headcanons)?

feat. luffy, zoro, nami, sanji, usopp, robin, franky, and brook

requests open for other things like this!

Luffy

nami made him make an Instagram account and he did so... BUT NOT WITHOUT DOWNLOADING 8 VIRUSES THE MOMENT HE GOT ONTO IT

he started clinking on every ad he saw, of course, and now he's got to pay 100000 dollars by the end of the month or else world government will find him.

he took that as a challenge.

basic, but his username is kingofthepirates or strawhat69 or something

maybe even a pun or some shit bro

follows anybody he even slightly likes and comments dumb shit on all of their posts.

ex; luffy commenting on a post robin made w chopper "can you ask him if reindeers are real?"

takes weird angled photos of his friends and posts them (ex. forehead shots)

Zoro

username is bestswordsmanofficial

usually posts training videos, but also sometimes puts on his story a cry for help to his friends cuz he got lost again

also not the most tech savy guy

i get vibes he would straight up record himself coughing to death and post it

he went viral once, actually.

was dragged by nami to be a backup dancer for one of her tiktoks

stiffly dancing

on snapchat, he uses weird filters like the broccoli one and just sent it to everyone he knew.

Nami

username is nami.venmo.me

probably makes scams in order to get money

she has two accounts; a scamming account and a real account (both under similar usernames actually)

on snapchat, she and usopp have a 200+ snapscore

they both contemplated jumping ship when they messed it up..

matching pfps with usopp too! ex.;

nami is cookie monster, usopp is screaming man

Sanji

username is lovecook_sanji

other than posting the food he makes, he also posts aesthetic photos of him crying💀

ALSO posts photos of baths with rose petals that he only made cuz he wanted to be desperate in the caption like "such a beautiful place... i just wish that... someone could share it with me... :("

out here posting "i wish i was beautiful :(" posts for attention and zoro out here commenting back "i wish you were too💀"

blocked zoro after that

tags ONLY nami and robin in his posts whenever he posts the group

"the rest of them are just some guys 🙄"

Usopp

username is god..usopp

also is in charge of the strawhat official social media accounts

nami makes the aesthetically pleasing posts while usopp posts the funny hahas

like that time luffy slipped off ship with his mouth full of food (and bcuz he can't swim w his devil fruit) so he almost sank to the bottom

plugs his personal acc on the strawhat official acc too much

luffy used to be the manager of the account but that acc got banned...

so usopp was given the job to make a new one and manage it (no luffy you can't write the caption)

Robin

username is nico.robin

mostly posts about the books she's been reading, such as reviews

formats them nice and neatly

all her posts are very aesthetically pleasing

besides book reviews, she posts a lot of chopper

she's like a mom in that way making her kids pose for photos and takes photos as much as possible

overall very pretty account

Franky

username is franky_da_cyborg

when not posting inventions, he posts crewmates doing random things

doesn't have to be weird at all most of the posts are just straight up usopp making a sandwich or robin reading

all posts are very low quality tho lol

Brook

username is musician-brook

obv posts him playing music but also posts himself saying terrible dad jokes

"singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. then it's a soap opera."

he got the phone confiscated for that one

apart of nami's backup dancers for her tiktoks

actually works it

go grandpa go!

all right reserved. do not repost or copy my work but relogging, comments or feedback is very much appreciated! Thank you.

[theninth09]

What kind of video games I think Thiam likes, a headcanon list

Theo's Favorites

theo loves souls games and hes incredibly good at them. his favorite used to be bloodborne until elden ring came out. he spent days holed up in his apartment playing it until liam dragged him outside for fresh air. liam played elden ring as well, but theo basically carried him the entire time and solo'd malenia for him

liam suggested that theo should play hollow knight and theo was skeptical at first because of the art style, but ended up really liking it

liam knows about theo having been a star wars nerd as a kid, so his first ever gift to him is jedi: fallen order. theo loves it and buys jedi: survivor (the sequel) as soon as it comes out

theo really likes final fantasy and his favorite is ffvii. liam has never played the games, but he thinks that cloud is really hot (iykyk)

Liam's Favorites

liam has always liked the god of war series, because of the references to greek mythology and the playstyle. gow: ragnarök made him extremely emotional and it immediately became his favorite from the entire series

he likes fighting style games, like mortal kombat and super smash bros. he doesnt mention this often, especially not around new people, because hes afraid that people will comment on his choice of game in relation to his IED. he just genuinely likes to play them, it has nothing to do with his disorder. the first time theo plays against him, theo is so normal about it and doesnt make a single mean comment. it helps liam to immediately relax and just have fun without worrying

funnily enough, liam also likes stealth games. especially assassin's creed (he likes the historical aspects of it) and hitman. theo finds this absolutely hilarious as liam kinda sucks at being stealthy in real life and teases him that he finds theo attractive because theo is so good at being stealthy

Games They Both Like

they tried playing outlast together but had to stop pretty quickly because it was too triggering for both of them (theo got triggered worse, but liam wasnt comfortable either)

they like playing two-player games together (eg: bokura, it takes two, unravel two) and while they argue and bicker the entire time, they're also extremely efficient and get through everything quite fast bc they make such a good team

they both like resident evil and compare the monsters in the games to real monsters they've fought before. liams favorite is re3 and his favorite character is jill, while theos favorite is re4 and his favorite character is ada

both like the legend of zelda. liams favorite is twilight princess (he likes that you can pick up the cats & dogs in it, he finds link, zelda & midna hot and you can turn into a wolf in it) while theos favorite is ocarina of time (liam thinks hes basic for that)

since they both like the spider-man movies and comics, they both also enjoy the games

DnD isnt something either of them is usually interested in, but liam buys baldur's gate three because he got curious. liam romances shadowheart on his first playthrough and theo gets interested after liam finishes it. theo ends up romancing wyll and liam teases him the entire time since theo has to play without picking the evil choices because of that

Games They Play with the Puppy Pack

Mario Kart (they all get extremely competitive)

Phasmophobia (liam and alec scream a lot)

Among Us (the entire puppy pack warns alec that this is not a good idea, but alec persists until theo indulges him. as predicted, theo is way too good at being sneaky & lying and gets banned for life from playing)

Games Alec forces Theo to Play

PlateUp! (alec regrets this almost immediately bc theo gets weirdly intense about it and orders him around)

Minecraft (alec just wants to show off all his buildings and the animals he tamed, but theo ends up helping him actually finish the game)

Dress To Impress (theo "secret fashion icon" raeken always gets first place and it really pisses alec off)

Doki Doki Literature Club! (alec has no idea what its actually about and theo is very unimpressed when they start playing it. alec is extremely shocked and has these teary puppy dog eyes upon the twist and theo laughs at him)

part 2 here

[flyingfabio]

@flyingfabio presents…

⭐ THE 2024 MOTOGP FRAUD AWARDS ⭐

i thought about doing an introduction but really the title is self-explanatory and i can’t be bothered. supposed to be an humorous post. biased i guess.

in the first category… ✨MANUFACTURERS & TEAMS✨

DUCATI. promising a seat before retracting your offer to the guy who ultimately won the championship for you over your number one guy and will take the number 1 to another manufacturer is quite the achievement. i don't want to hear the 'but who is the real loser because jorge martin is going to a worse bike blabla' crowd. i don't care. that's loser behavior and poor management from ducati but hey. *casey stoner voice* at this point who is surprised it's typical from ducati. big fat bonus fraud point for delaying ride height devices ban until 2027 so us fans can fully enjoy processions races until then. thanks guys!

KTM. poured millions into motogp and have not won a dry race since 2021. manage their finances worse than the worst crypto bro. will probably pay its riders with pennies and make them race with carboard bikes next year. bonus fraud point for being the ugliest looking bike on the grid.

APRILIA. the "yes i do the cooking (the riders) yes i do the cleaning (the riders line up)" brand. yes they DO have the only non-ducati win this season which should automatically avoid them the fraud status but alas we can’t ignore the rest of the season which was dire. for god’s sake hey needed 758 bikes to crash for aleix to win a SPRINT in BARCELONA where aprilias are supposed to fly. they are so lucky they will have jorge martin on their bike next season. HOWEVER very much a double-edged sword as he could further expose the fraud status of the bike if he’s not able to challenge for wins as the current world champion.

YAMAHA & HONDA. summarized in one picture each.

honourable mention goes to… GRESINI RACING SOCIAL MEDIA ADMIN. if i got ten dollars every time i had to see a cringy AI-assisted movie poster edit this year… if only it were just that and not also the passive agressive replies to people questioning them photoshopping black people hairstyle on gresini team members because that’s supposed to represent lewis hamilton. bonus fraud point for not issuing a single professional statement when the team fucked up with the title sponsor.

in the second category… ✨RIDERS✨

PECCO BAGNAIA. winning 10 11 races and not winning the championship because the bin it gene is still going strong after years. it's about time it bit him in the ass.

MAVERICK VINALES. sorry eden i said i didn't plan to put him here because the man is the only one on a non ducati to have a won race on a sunday. BUT i remembered something. how the hell do you leave a factory aprilia to go to a satellite ktm on your own free will.....

FRANCO MORBIDELLI. nepotism is one hell of a thing eh.

MARCO BEZZECCHI. karma is one hell of thing eh. 'marquez? i put him fifth behind pecco, martin, enea and me' all it needed was a new michelin rear to humble him. cinema!

JACK MILLER. jack's specialty is backhanded comments about riders who are objectively better than him before immediatly proceeding to flop in a stellar fashion. 'i was faster than a guy who just renewed for 12 million.' congrats jack you finished behind said guy while being on a better bike and now you're basically riding as a test rider to develop a bike so that guy can win again.

in the last category… ✨REST OF THE PADDOCK✨

STEWARDS. listen. taking a fraud-o-meter in the stewards room would be like taking a radioactivity meter in chernobyl. at so many occasions they have shat the bed this year i can't list them all. not giving penalties because 'oops we didn't see' or seeing bubbles after putting a wheel in a bin with water. fortunately next year we'll be free of freddie spencer. hallelujah!

TV DIRECTION. could be summed up by dorna filming the same guys separated by two seconds for 20 laps be like: 'yooo this shit is fire!'

MICHELIN. we've been NEEDING a new front tire for YEARS but no these guys went and introduced a new rear tire (AGAIN) that favours a bike that was already dominating. great job lads!

PEOPLE BEHIND THE MOTOGP REBRAND. between the soulless logo and the absurd slogan i think we've hit the fraud jackpot.

[82mitsu]

{18Trip} The Homescreen Voice Lines Vault

Collection of all the voice lines I have translated on my Twitter account. Uploading it on here for archival purposes.

Note: A lot of them were made to fit the Twitter character limit, sometimes they're a bit freestyled.

Mostly Raito oriented, with some others thrown in the mix.

Chihiro: Raiting, you spend a lot of time watching vids, don'tcha~ What channels got you hooked?

Raito: Let me see, channels all about information over ramen and the occult stuff like Muu☆Tan's are vital to me.

Raito: Kuguri, you can do what you want but, have you considered to stop sleeping naked from time to time? No doubt you'll catch a cold.

Kuguri: I'd prefer for you to leave me be. A certain Someone who can't properly wake up in the morning has no right to police others on how they sleep.

Raito: According to this scripture of taboos that I procured on my own, it appears that Pandora's Box will open up again soon. The theory of hope remaining at the bottom is plausible but, let's just wait and see...

Akuta: Uugh... I can't... I can't go on like this anymore.... Raito-san, please do the usual thing again tonight!!

Raito: A hopeless guy, aren't you... Got it, I'll take care of you. I will... feed you the best late night ramen that there is.

Netaro: Raito~! Trouble's afoot! There's hearsay of a unfamiliar flickering luminant body appearing behind the dormitory~!

Raito: What!? An unidentified flying object, in other words!? We must unravel its true identity! Let's go right away, Netaro!

Kuguri: Sometimes Nanaki looks at me cutely and pleads for advice on composing music. Well, my involvement is limited to hearing him out and giving a nudge, however.

Kuguri: I don't disagree with your way of living, Ten... It smells sweet, exclusively so. How about we go on a drive together again sometime.

Ten: Aha, it's an honor to get invited by someone like Kuguri-san~ I don't mind the kinda relations where you stay outta each others affairs either.

Chihiro: Geez~! Taotao, you play Anigun way too much! Didn't you like promise you'd go shopping with Chii today! And here I sat looking forward to it~!

Tao: Sorry. To think there'd be an event out of nowhere... I'll buy you some pudding as apology. So let's go shopping. Okay?

Akuta: Like, during flower viewing... adults do /that/, right... Y'know... the thing... s- s- s- strip rock paper scissors....!

"yakyuuken" is a Japanese game on based rock paper scissors, where the loser ends up stripping.

Akuta: Ten-san, I heard you talking to a woman on the phone earlier, but is she for real... wrapped around your finger!? Like both hands all over a beaut and...!

Ten: Aha, the hell man. Don't slander me. She's just a plain ol' friend. Maybe you're still too young for this though~?

Akuta: That freakin' Kiroku, he put a kinda bracelet that girls would wear in his desk. Ah, wonder if he's like also doing the do with her...

Ushio: Oi Stupidtake, record what I make all you want but don't snatch food while i'm not looking. You itching to get banned or something?

Akuta: Geh... got caught, huh... I regret my actions! Please spare me from being exiled! Oh great god from heavens above Ushio-samaaa~!

Nanaki: Kugunii, come over whenever you feel like it again. I'm sure Dad, Mom and Big Bro all are eager to see you.

Kuguri: Perhaps so. ...I'll go if the mood strikes me.

Nanaki: Spring is the season of encounters, huh... I already have crossed paths with my G.O.A.T though.

GOAT: Gen Z slang, means "Greatest Of All Time".

Ushio: Listen Murakumo-san, I know you're fooling around, but can you please refrain from putting any weird ideas into the younger guys' heads?

Ten: Oh-hoh~ look at you sounding all cool there. Dunno what you mean with "weird ideas" though.

Ushio: ....I curse the freaking guy who dared to use my shampoo without permission to go bald from losing 10 hairs every second...!

Ryui: Toi, your hair's sticking out. Here, sit still. I'll fix it to make it pretty.

Toi: Wah... Thank you dearest Big Bro. My beloved Big Bro really is the coolest in the whole wide world... My heart's skipping a beat...

Toi: A mature seductiveness like Yodaka-san's... How can i end up having that too? I'm jealous, you see.

Yodaka: Fufu, but Toi. Don't you have your own kind of charm that I lack. I admit I'm also envious on that front.

[shiyorin]

What do you think it would be like if primarchs used social media?

Lion El'Jonson:

Private account, doesn't accept follower requests

Rarely posts, usually just sunset or forest photos

Uses emojis sarcastically in replies

Has 20 followers but thinks it's way too many

Fulgrim:

Aesthetic pictures pose artfully depict exotic hobbies and runway couture 

Filters all photos to perfection  

Constantly debates high art vs pop culture 

Thirst traps cause monthly massacres

"Like for a follow back 🔥" 

Perturabo:

Photos are exclusively poorly-lit fortress blueprints 

Bio is 25000 character treatise on siege tactics

Follows exactly 12 history scholars 

Hates everyone and everything on the site 

Actually ran some incisive political commentary bots before being banned

Jaghatai Khan: 

Only posts the sickest motocross and extreme sports clips

Videos have insane views but no captions 

Fans think he's a cryptid until rare livestreams 

Hijacks Fulgrim's comments to hype rad stunts

Leman Russ:

Changed his name to 'Wolf Daddy 🐺'

Shirtless hunting/drinking photos get 10K likes

Roasts everyone in comments but they love it  

Followers think he's a viking hipster meme page

Follows biker gangs, sled dog accts, scholars of old Terra 

Rogal Dorn:

Only posts are architectural blueprints and records of fortifications

Gets into epic debates about structural principles in comments  

No one knows if he actually loads new content or just archives old

Somehow gains tons of followers thirsting for DILF

Konrad Curze:

Pure darkness and screams in hazy JPEGs 

3 followers and they're all bots

Posts disturbing ‘prophecies’ and murder puzzles

Under investigation for doxxing

Sanguinius: 

Angelic selfies bring all the followers to his page    

Flowing locks and golden abs get 20K likes instantly   

Quotes poetry in every reply but no one understands 

Only follows animal shelter and children's hospital accounts

Ferrus Manus:

Only follows engineering/robotics pages

Posts heavily filtered machine shop mini-documentaries 

Photos of custom machines that make engineers weep

Comments are unintelligible techno-babble  

Somehow gains huge gym bro following thirsting for muscle

Angron:

Gets banned monthly for graphic content and abuse

Posts angry rants about society in broken caps

Got suspended after sending death threats to Guilliman

Only follower is Khârn who comments 'THIS' on everything  

Roboute Guilliman:

Shares updates on the latest Codexes 

Only follows serious history/philosophy lecture pages

Posts long analyses of governance strategies 

Constantly lectures others in comments

Has blocked half his followers for trolling

Mortarion:

Aesthetic is grimy gas mask selfies in back alleys

ONLY reposts plague doctor memes from 2003

Bio is endless copypasta about essential oils

Gains cult following of goths, metal heads and preppers

Magnus:

Endless livestreams talking about theoretical magic at 3AM with 2 viewers. 

Tries making TikToks explaining sorcery but the videos are an hour long each.

Overexplains memes and emojis in long-winded threads

Memes and facts threads blow up as the most esoteric

Horus Lupercal:

Selfies showing off abs get him 50K followers in a week

Posts stunning photos from across the Imperium with #blessed captions

Fan club is half the mankind 

DMs from people asking for selfies blow up his notifications  

Lorgar Aurelian:

Aesthetic is dark robes and candlelit monasteries

Constantly reposting zealot sermons out of context

Accidentally starts wars of faith whenever he livestreams

Got suspended for uploading hardcore Slaneeshi hymns

Still has 10 alt accounts all named Brother [REDACTED]

Vulkan:

Only follows puppy accounts and craft bloggers

Posts Happy Holiday baking tutorials and dad jokes

Likes and comments positivity on everyone's posts

Followers think he's the nicest DILF ever online

Secretly the biggest wholesome meme page

Corvus Corax:

Only darkness, shadow puppets and cryptic poems

No one knows if he's real or a myth on the deep web

Internet detectives can’t trace his true identity  

Only sends encrypted coordinates in mysterious DMs  

No one has any idea what he's trying to say  

1 follower is Alpharius who only replies 'No, I'm Alpharius'

Alpharius/Omegon:

Constantly pretending to be other online  

No one knows their true forms or agenda 

Takeovers of government sites spark conspiracies

Leaves clues implicating everyone else’s schemes