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[ID: The first part of the post is a gifset from The Untamed. Copied from alt:
GIF of Jiang Cheng stepping back from Wei Wuxian and telling him, "Didn't you say we'd meet up in that town below the mountain?"
GIF of Jiang Cheng saying, "I waited for you for five days. I didn't even see your shadow."
GIF of Wei Wuxian looking at Jiang Cheng in silence.
GIF of Jiang Cheng looking down and adding, "I was so scared these past three months."
The additions feature two sets of tags. They read:
(By cerusee): "#I honestly think JC’s verbal communication skills are underrated#in CQL at least we see him directly express concern for WWX’s well-being to his face and using those words#like on more than one occasion#I can think of at least three off the top of my head! and not a Yanli in sight#the thing is WWX blows him off every time#and WWX does not reciprocate either#so I think JC generally doesn’t go that route bc he has correctly concluded it’s useless#it is very hard to be open and vulnerable about your concern to someone who won’t treat it seriously or share the vulnerability with you#and unfortunately for JC two of the most important people in his life believe strongly in repressing and hiding all negative emotions#yes including his sister! who I think is actually substantially worse at emotional communication than he is!#like JYL’s vibe is being uncomfortable with conflict and being so loving and lovable that people who really care about her#don’t want to subject her to that#so they don’t fight in her presence#but she’s not bringing any actual conflict resolutions methods to the table in lieu of fighting#anyway I think it’s notable that the yunmeng boys talk more honestly with one another#when Yanli is NOT in the room#I think she inhibits honest communication more than the ever facilitated it between them#not out of malice or anything good lord#but it’s part of their three-way sibling dysfunction#I don’t think the terrible blow to their relationship from her death was in losing a go-between#it was just…the pain of losing her full stop#and losing her in that specific way in those circumstances because of those actions"
(By black-n-white-wings): "#jiang cheng admitting he's scared and worried for his loved ones did nothing#time to threaten to break legs instead#baby jc had flaws but my was he brutally honest in a world of glossing over or minimizing#his mama may have been a bad bitch but she was a bad bitch who knew how to use words#adult jc is so snarky all sarcasm and venom but he is STILL communicating better than anyone except maybe yao zongzhu#the lan whip out the flute jgy has dimples and very vacant eyes nhs is all tears wwx runs away..my what a place to try healthy communication". End ID]
[Plain text: THE UNTAMED episode 20. End PT]
THE UNTAMED episode 20
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Hanging out in the Mansion
Another one!!! Growls@@ im halfway tempted to go look for the old fics and quizzes I used to adore on quotev in middle school
Notes: gn reader, you're a crp, written as non romantic since youre new to the mansion, long post, there will be some character overlap due to "OH x and y hang out together too", very self indulgent, technical part two to the breakfast post
CWs: canon typical violence and death mentions
Characters: slenderman, splendorman, jeff, nina, Jane, masky, hoodie, Toby, Ben, Sally, Eyeless jack, laughing jack
SLENDERMAN
He doesn't really... do much... sure he doesn't outwardly stop you from tagging along with him, but... it kind of feels like a vague tolerance of your existence there in the moment
The only time he really shuts you down and makes you leave is when he goes out into the woods to feed... or when he shuts himself inside his.. office.. space.. at least it looked like an office from the fleeting glimpse you caught through the door before he shut it in your face
But outside of that he tends to... observe the others... sticking to the walls, near the corners
He is... a good listener. At least you think he is. You could tell him anything and he'd cast you no judgement... you wouldn't get any confirmation he was actually paying attention to you until he brings up something you said or liked weeks later
SPLENDORMAN
You can usually find him either keeping Sally entertained or chatting with someone, at least when he's in the mansion! He... actually leaves fairly often for a few hours.. no clue what he does- you haven't quite figured it out or worked up the nerve to ask
But whatever he's doing he's more than happy to let you join him! All you have to do is ask! As far as he's concerned you're already a friend
Though get ready for him to gently and not so subtly pry- asking all sorts of questions to get to know you. Absolute sweetheart even if a little intrusive, if his questions ever tread to more... personal subjects... let him know and he'll drop it in an instant
Always makes sure you're included in any group activities he's in
MASKY
Odds are he's with hoodie, so the three of you are going to be a trio for the day.. you kind of just follow their lead once they're back from doing... whatever it was they were sent out into the woods to do
He doesn't talk much- at most he might respond to you verbally once or twice. It's not that he doesn't like you- he doesn't have any strong feelings for you yet. It's just that he's not very... talky
If you ask bluntly enough he'll show you around the mansion. You already know where the rooms and kitchen are. As well as the living room.. he shows you where other non-bedroom rooms are, as well as the immediate forested area around the mansion
It's... actually a little nice once the quiet tension passes
HOODIE
Great listener, you can talk to him about just about anything. He kind of... nods.. when you trail off and go quiet. You can keep going, he doesn't mind
You're free to tag along behind him as he walks around doing some smaller stuff around the woods. He may not have any assigned work from slenderman at the moment... but sometimes he can't stand just doing nothing
Plus your voice is a nice change from the silence of the woods... also it's a good opportunity for you to get to know the general layout. Landmarks to mentally jot down so you don't get lost
Even if you know sign language he doesn't communicate that much- not much for conversing from his side of things
TICCI TOBY
He mostly hangs out in the living room so going up to him is fairly easy! He's not going to be totally buddy buddy with you off the bat but he's not shut off
If he's in the living room, jeff is there too. And that gets him talking- you're free to hop into the conversation whenever you'd like if you've got something worth while to say
Actually if it goes well you're free to join the two of them just about whenever! He plans on going around the woods tonight to do.. fuck all.. collect rocks, run around, things like that. Maybe the three of you can go out to town and nab some snacks
Only if you're not gonna get them caught of course
JEFF
It's too light outside to go out and do some slashing so in order to kill the time Jeff lounges about the mansion. You're free to join... you seemed cool at breakfast so try not to make yourself look like a total dork
Knife throwing is one of his favorite hobbies when Slenderman isn't breathing down his neck. Throwing the blade decently is a quick way to foster a friendship with him! Though if you suck... maybe he'll be nice enough to give you some tips
He's... a little hot headed... easily agitated. So keep that in mind when interacting with him pre solidified friendship- he's got a shorter fuse for people he doesn't really have a connection to
But other than that he's... oddly chill enough to hang out with. If you impress him he might ask you to come to town with him tonight to pick out some late night stragglers
JANE
She doesn't really spend time around in the common areas or with others. Nina's too much. Jeff is.. Jeff.. She does sometimes play with sally.. lj is too loud and ej returns her blunt and somewhat cold attitude... so she spends a lot of her time either in her room, outside, or in the library
She doesn't own the woods or the mansions library so you're free to join her. Just don't get all up in her business
She at least gives you some attention if you ask something or need something. She won't go out of her way to get you something but she at least gives you instructions
Low social battery, it's best not to pester her too much all at once... slow burn friendship...
More or less instantly shuts you out if she finds out you're also getting buddy buddy with jeff
NINA
Drags you around the mansion- basically pulling you by the arm the entire time. While masky shows you around in silence she's going to be telling you every little detail... even if a lot of the stuff serves no purpose to you
But once that's done and squared away she actually.. just outright asks if you want to go hang out in her room. Maybe listen to music.. watch a movie.. make something-
At least that's assuming she doesn't plant herself in the living room to chat up Jeff and catch up with Toby... or assuming she doesn't get snatched up by Sally to go play some games
Really she kind of drifts around the mansion doing whatever...! Like laughing jack there's a chance you'll be hanging out with someone else if you stick with her!
BEN DROWNED
Odds are he's with Jeff. Sure maybe not physically, but when you're a spirit tied to technology there aren't many windows to step out into the physical world
Oh he WILL make fun of you for throwing up your throws during the knife throwing thing. He will never let you live down a particularly bad throw. Months can pass and he will still bring it up
He doesn't really ask you questions about yourself- at least not the "OH where are you from?" "What do you like?" Ect ect ect ice breaker questions to get to know people... nah... he's more likely to ask if you wanna get your ass handed to you in a game
It's been so long since he's had a new gaming buddy- sometimes having the same shit talk with the same people gets old
SALLY
Well obviously she's going to drag you off to play some games! Odds are she's managed to snag a few others to join you!
It's actually.. really fun... sure it's little kids games- board games, tea parties, pretend. Things like that but who doesn't like innocent fun every now and then?
It also gives you a chance to just.. have a moment of peace. No doubt the transition of moving into the mansion has been hectic
...good luck trying to leave, she's going to get for at least one more game.. and another... and another... playing with splendor and Jane and on occasion ben and nina is fun- but you're fun too it seems!
LAUGHING JACK
Always on his feet- he seems almost incapable of keeping still for very long. Sticking with him leads to you scurrying across nearly the entire mansion and learning just about every inch of it save for any rooms that are off limits
Hes.. open. Chatty and willing to pick you apart to figure out what makes you tick- not in a malicious way to keep you in line... no no no, it's all mostly innocent for him...
He can be a little overstimulating sometimes, though, he talks a lot and he talks loud. Not quite shouting but his talking voice is definitely louder than most... he also moves around. A lot. Not just walking- he emotes a LOT. And laughs... a lot
Hanging out with him often times leads you hanging out with just about everyone for at least a few minutes
EYELESS JACK
He likes to spend his time alone. He doesn't... really enjoy spending time around others. Everyone's either too nosey or too loud. Your best bet at getting close to him is just... letting him take the lead
Small talk is going to be your best friend- slipping in some words in passing whenever you guys run into one another. He's reclusive but he's not outright rude... well... okay he's blunt and sometimes doesn't have tact but he's not going to ignore you if you haven't done anything wrong
It's like trying to befriend a cat. Give him time and let him warm up to you at his own pace. He won't be all over you when he starts seeing you as a friend but overtime those few shared words turn into sentences...
Maybe one day you can convince him to come hang out in your room to watch a show or something
#creepypasta x reader#creepypasta x you#creepypasta imagine#crp x reader#crp x you#crp imagine#slenderman x reader#splendorman x reader#masky x reader#hoodie x reader#ticci toby x reader#jeff the killer x reader#jane the killer x reader#nina the killer x reader#ben drowned x reader#laughing jack x reader#eyeless jack x reader#x reader#canon x reader#canon x you
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The Nation Where Chocolate Melts the Fastest | React | Days 6-11
Wow so this month went by so damn fast??? But I mean...I guess February usually does anyway right?
So as I said in my audio react here for the first half, I was gonna write about the second part! I'm going to try my best to keep it just limited to this post only as for whatever reason, my posts keep getting yeeted off the main whb tag? Maybe it's because I haven't been posting lately so maybe that's why but at the same time it could just be tumblr being tumblr.
ANYWAYS quick recap ->
🖤Amon, MC, and Naberius are in Abaddon right now on a mission to meet the Abaddon nobles during their travels Nabe is going over every single rule and incident that has been caused by these powerful two in the first place. 🖤We find out that MC accepting chocolates in Hell during valentines day means they are pretty much down for whatever, sex mostly 🖤We go over the 3 'Hole' incidents, the first one which wasn't properly recorded, the second one caused by Dantalian causing trouble in Heaven, and then the third from Belphie ripping off Ronove's eye mask causing him to multiply
Now here we are to the second half of the event
SUMMARY TIME
🖤So as we learned in the past 5 days, Dantalian has a kink where loves to be injured, damaged, possibly killed, you name it while Ronove brings that desire forth by influencing others to cause harm. So when Ronove multiples, this means...that everyone is affected at the same time. Including angels. This is why him multiplying into 100s and 1000s of himself is problematic. Everyone would basically die.
🖤Once Ronove's desires are satisfied, his clones will start to disappear but he multiples so fast it's pretty much impossible to keep up with said clones. This isn't like Beel's clones at all or his flies. This is pure chaos.
🖤The only reason that everything is chill, is because of Dantalian believe it or not! He prevented the 3rd Hole incident from annihilating both Heaven and Hell in the first place.
🖤A cute thing to mention btw is that MC had Amon eat some of his own chocolate which he decided "oh it's the chocolate you're giving me right? to basically say they're giving him chocolates back. Nabe gets jealous but doesn't show it, and MC ends up giving him some chocolate too. Cuties.
🖤So back to the reason that Dantalian stopped Ronove is because his desire cancels out Ronove's. Because of the desire to torture Dan, all of his clones came back and everyone was able to put Ro's eyemask back on. The law now is that Dantalian must always accompany Ronove in battles and vise versa. To prevent such things from happening.
🖤So we get to see the front of Asmo's castle and it's pretty fucking big. Also, Ronove is there to greet them as their own personal escort! He mentions..."it's been a while" further confirming that the card stories are canon because the first time we saw Ro was in Satan's Torture card.
🖤I love btw how Nabe is on guard dog mode this entire time
🖤So to get through the gates, it takes a fucking hour to do so. Ronove knows the way and is attacked by wet papers that will suffocate him if he doesn't recite all the names to prove he has access inside the castle. So yeah, my ass would definitely be taking that nap with Amon lmao
🖤Also what I don't like about even though the card stories seem to be canon within one another, MC apparently forgets certain details. Such as being worried that Ronove not being able to breathe for an hour when he can go days and weeks when his power of speech is used for spells.
🖤So now we're inside the "red cage!" it's empty too as all of the devils inside are off either making something or doing small activities and missions assigned by Asmo.
🖤There's four floors in total, the more important the devil the higher up. Meaning Asmo's room is at the very top if we had to guess and devils like Ronove and Dantalian are on the third floor. We also meet some guards along the way, and it appears that each interact with Ronove differently. One was slightly intimidated and the Second floor guard was annoyed, and he looks familiar btw...the same guard that was watching over Zepar when he came to help MC be disguised as a lower rank angel in Levi's Torture card (the silhouette is the same)
🖤So because MC is the descendant of Solomon...they are being escorted through the shortcut the same as the kings would use. Now I imagine regular degular folks like ourselves would probably take years to get through just one floor.
🖤So on the second floor we run into Seere, and if anyone remembers I believe that is the exact same devil Levi asked for a spell/talisman something like that to help him infiltrate MC's dream for his School Uniform card. But basically Seere just tried to jigglypuff his way to MC's dreams with a song lmao
🖤That's over and done with though, Ronove pretty much just kicking "red flesh???" (what was he just crumpled into a ball on the floor?) and stopping Seere from singing anyways
🖤So we're now on the third floor. There's no guard and we meet Dantalian, who gets slapped by MC immediately (i'm pretty sure he influenced that lmao)
🖤So as MC witnesses Dan's influence is strong...and he's very pissed off that Ronove interferes with that such as stopping him from self-harming but also I'm sure he keeps Ronove in check too
🖤We also see that Ronove and Dantalian go hand in hand. and now they seem to be targetting MC since they are the guest of the hour. And Nabe thinks they're up to something so he starts quoting the big ass rule book at them (he's such a class president lmao)
🖤It turns out though that MC was never in any danger, Ronove and Dan were just gonna give them chocolates 💀 so there he is jumping the gun again (but I mean from what he said could happen I do get it but yeah he gotta chill)
🖤And the chocolate gesture is the same! Back when Solomon was alive, it also appeared to be the same traditions but also it seems that giving chocolates to Solomon was never that important to begin with, just something to do if a devil felt like it. For Ro and Dan they did it because they got something out of it. IN this case the desire. Dan got choked out while the chocolate melted on his tongue and Ro was being bitten while Solomon ate said chocolate at the same time so yah grandaddy a freak.
🖤MC didn't really have anything to give them, but that's interrupted anyways by Asmo showin' up out of the blue and he's sending Ro and Dan on a mission but wants to know if MC is down for V-day activities before or after they get back. Nabe says after but I think he's tryna buy some time lol
🖤Asmo is being his flirty self btw with MC, feeding them the chocolates Ro and Dan presented and being like "let's wait for them to get back *wink wink* and I'm like yeah there ain't gonna be no type of waitin' with him around 💀
🖤Also I like how we get to see how he handles his nobles. He handles them affectionately but while being firm and they just melt against him, naturally like I would expect that.
🖤And that's how everything ends! That's it.
Screenshot Faves
I just wanna mention Amon has been so clingy and snuggly the entire time and I'm loving this. I'm also glad we get to see more of of the Abyssos boys <3
Yes bby, please eat 😩
See I ain't the only one who was like okay are those pants or leggings? they look so tight lmaooo but they have pockets (so do leggings sometimes)
I feel this whole thing has been me showin' ya'll Amon 💀 but a nap date? Yes
This was wild lmao he had to sit up there for an hour dealing with this shit I would have just let the papers take me I can't
Oh MC...boy fucking howdy do I know that feeling...in fact I'm hoping they just keep fucking moving and leave me the hell alone 💀
Amon being cute again for the 1000th time
MC slapped the fuck outta him and he's just there wanting more.
Ronove says "here lemme help" 😭
Nabe and Amon fightin' for their life because they simply just do not wanna fuck around and find out lmao
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oh so we're just out here poppin' people's bones back in place like it's nothing alrighty
Dan: Omfg let me be toxic to myself wow Ro: Just doin' my job, sweetie
Omfg we in Asmo's castle, tryna focus and shit and Nabe and Amon already tried clappin' cheeks and now we have two other devils glancing this way like they need to stop teasing the threesome shit and just do ittttttt /hj
LMAO this had me want to bully him a bit and be like "ha okay nerd, teacher's pet" which that other phrase he might actually be like "uh???"
This is so pretty, I don't think I'd want to eat it 😭😭
He'd escape prison just to see you. Remember that when lookin' for a ride or die devil to have by your side 😌🙌
I can hear him rn...lmao he's so angry he doesn't even like to be called cute lmaoooo
Me when his ass showed up outta nowhere lmao
Ooo what we doin' bae? All of the above? Great let me take my nap now since this is gonna be a marathon
He's so affectionate. This is a much softer side of him for once since he's debuted in WHB. Still very horny but at least we're like awh he's so gentle
Lmaoooooooo idk why this had me rollin' maybe it's because I'm like "wait did you not pick up on the obvious queues and piece it together after learning from Amon and Nabe what accepting chocolate means?" 💀lawd somebody help MC.
❤🖤❤🖤❤🖤❤🖤
And here we are at the end of the react! So this event...I personally liked it more toward the end. Sure we learned about Ronove and Dantalian here but it was mostly just Nabe telling the stories and us getting a short time to observe their behaviors in person. I guess I'm saying this event aside from the lore is pretty unremarkable.
But it also seems like it ties in with the upcoming card of Ro and Dan together! Maybe. But last time I checked S+ cards didn't have stories (other than Raphael's card...but we'll see)
I just know a group orgy happened when they returned /j
So yes, thank ya'll so much for sticking through this and enjoy my stufff. Again I know the first react that was audio was a bit b l a h but that's how I felt about that first part anyway. Not really worth spending my time writing about and adding like reaction gifs other what I showed in the video
I still have more things to catch up on! So I'm hoping to be done with all of it before the new card comes out. Until y'all, much love for the lovelies, your admin Jaze (✿◡‿◡)
#jazewhbreacts🖤#whb#what in hell is bad#whb avisos bois#whb abaddon#whb abaddon bois#react time#hopefully this shows up in the tags this time
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Marble hornets x Slendermansion AU but instead of Hoodie and Masky being proxies they also live in a small cabin in the same woods and are constantly trying to sabotage the creeps plans. Hoodie learns Jeff is supposed to kill some random family and follows him there to purposely set the home security system off and Masky jumps out of the closet and tackles Jeff. They all run away to their own homes afterwards when the cops are called. The Operator/Slenderman could put a stop to it if he so pleased, but finds the shenanigans amusing.
#creepypasta#marble hornets#mh#masky#masky marble hornets#Tim Wright#hoodie#hoodie marble hornets#Brian Thomas#Jeff the killer#Do you think Alex is a proxie in denial who keeps having to get dragged back to the mansion#Since Brian's alive so we might as well resurrect the rest of the cast#Is Jay in this small cabin or is he just desperately wandering around Rosswood with his camera trying to find these two homes#Since Totheark has started posting vlogs about how he beat up random local serial killers that have been evading the police#For months. Years. Decades perhaps#The video starts off a peaceful nature documentary#It starts off peaceful nature documentary#then three seconds later the blaring distorted sound of the alarm is is in your ears#And Masky is on the ground beating up Jeff#And ofc there's ominous codes and messages implying that there is a mansion they live in in Rosswood#And what about what happens to Tim after he finally returns to his normal state#Does he still stay in the cabin? Does Hoodie bring him to wherever Jay is staying for the night?#Cause clearly leaving him unconscious in the woods with a bunch of serial killers is a bad idea especially with their history in this au#Who knows really#I'm stuck on the imagery of a very tired EJ having to handle dragging Alex back to the mansion#Cause he keeps trying to kill Proxies “in training” (aka the ones infected with Slender Sickness)#And yes I copy pasted these tags from a reblog I made for another reblog on this post#I felt they belonged here too
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i spent quite a bit of time thinking, considering my options and wondering if i should even respond to the 'apology' to begin with, but i feel like i've been here before, in this exact same position (i didn't respond to his original 'apology' because it felt off how he omitted the fact that he pretended to be the victim for a whole week, but even then i decided to not say anything and just let the dust settle and give him a chance to learn and do better) and doing nothing eventually just caused more harm. even if i can't reach the other side and find common understanding, i wanted to at least express what's been on my mind for such a long time.
i always try to approach people and situations with understanding and try to assume ignorance instead of malice when someone says or does something i consider questionable or wrong. but i also know we all have our limits. we are all human. and you can't take the heart out of the equation.
one thing in this 'apology' that really stood out to me was this:
how is it not malice to completely disregard another creator, hell, another person and their wishes and feelings when they have made it very clear that your actions are causing them harm?
how is it not malice to outright lie and misrepresent other people and situations in order to portray yourself in a better light?
how is it not malice to disrespect the people you've stolen from and then, after they (by your own words!) rightfully address it and try to bring your actions to light, you then turn around and vilify them to your friends and followers? portray them as bullies and gatekeepers?
all while repeating again and again how the whole experience made you stop creating? as if your actions didn't force people out of this space, this fandom? have you ever sat down to think how the person that made you a 40 minute video tutorial on gif making, the person that taught you so much, no longer makes anything at all because you turned your back on her and copied her sets? kept doing it after she blocked you? after she made text posts expressing how upsetting your behaviour was? you didn't care and kept doing it anyway. even saying things like 'i always credit where credit is due' in response to copying numerous sets from @minthara, down to the caption without ever crediting her.
and if that wasn't enough harm, you then took it a notch further and straight up lied to the people around you, trying to vilify petra and i by saying how the whole thing should've been dealt with in private. how is it not malice to omit the fact that I DID, in fact, reach out to you privately. that i did it in a civil manner. that i tried to explain to you how your actions were wrong and were rightfully upsetting other creators. how you ignored everything i've said and when i expressed that your response (or lack of it) made me uncomfortable and that because of it i couldn't give you permission to 'recreate' (copy) my work, you then insulted me and told me that it didn't matter what i wanted? that you would do as you please and there was nothing i could do about it? how you then immediately blocked me so i couldn't even respond? how is that not malice?
and then this was from your apology back in march:
and you insist that after this 'apology' you've learnt and were never doing anything wrong again and yet you are saying the same thing again in your new 'apology'. how after the march events you went to @galedekarios anyway, asking for permission, didn't wait for her response and posted your copy of her set anyway. which just makes me think that you've never learnt. it just makes it seem that asking people for permission never stemmed from a place of respect and understanding, but from the need to cover your ass in case someone brings the fact that you're still copying up. which someone did, apparently.
at the end of the day, this is my opinion and i might be wrong, but following all of your words and actions, it just seems like you chose notes and attention instead of people. that you kept lying and misrepresenting things and throwing us under the bus for your own gain. and that you only stopped because enough people eventually found out, not because you suddenly felt remorse. and this 'apology' was just another 'ask for permission from a creator', all just for optics. you couldn't even bother to unblock us before posting the 'apology' which just shows how little you were actually thinking about any of us.
#gah there's honestly a lot i could add but...#i feel like i've said enough to get at least some of this off my chest#i'm not even going to go into detail how he'd ask for my presets and use my tracked tag in every single one of his gif posts#all while pretty much never reblogging from me#and i know that other creators expressed the same sentiment#just weird.. you want to be part of a community but then you only take and take and take and never give back#and then complain that you feel unwelcome#and if anyone reading this even thinks 'omg so you can't get inspired by other people's work? ? ?? ? ????' for one second like#this ain't about it#there's a difference between getting inspired by someone and just endlessly remaking other people's work#and i'm tired of even having to explain it again and again#i genuinely am just tired.. i've been tired for a while#i feel like all these waves just killed my excitement and drive to be part of a community to try and bring people and creators together#i don't even want to make anything anymore because it feels like the whole community was just ripped apart#all after i've spent months trying to bring people together encouraging them to interact and support one another but then this happens#and keeps happening and what's the point anymore
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Every day I get closer to making an unhinged behemoth of a post listing all of the things about Kaeya and his possible connections to mythology & stuff that I notice but NOBODY ELSE SEEMS TO BRING UP IN THEIR THEORIES
(edit: OMG I reached the tag limit I'm so sorry)
#genshin impact#kaeya alberich#the unhinged behemoth of a post would also include all the reasons I DON'T think Kaeya is up to anything nefarious#if I see 1 more “kaeya will betray us” or “kaeya is allied with the abyss” theory ISTG I'm gonna break something#also WHY. WHY IS NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY MENTIONING THE POSSIBILITY THAT#EVEN IF KAEYA IS WORKING “WITH” THE ABYSS ORDER#IT'S AS A DOUBLE AGENT?!?!!?#LIKE HE'S GETTING INTEL FROM THEM FOR THE PURPOSE OF FEEDING IT TO THE KNIGHTS OR TO DILUC OR SOMETHING#AND HE'S ALSO STABBING THE ABYSS ORDER IN THE BACK#IT'S A SNEAKY TACTIC THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HONOURABLE AND PUTS HIM VERY MUCH IN HARM'S WAY BUT IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF KEEPING PEOPLE SAFE#HOW IS THAT NOT THE MOST KAEYA THING EVER?!?!?#WHY AM I SEEMINGLY THE ONLY ONE THINKING ABOUT THIS?!?!?!#I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS#also why is no one bringing up Kaeya's possible connections to king Arthur???#I mean HELLO?! secret possible royal lineage raised as a ward/foster child/adopted child of a noble family alongside an older brother?!!#and why aren't more people talking about Kaeya's connections to Lord Krishna???#again spirited away from his actual family to be raised in another family alongside an older brother figure who has less chill than him???#not to mention peacock feather imagery and being pitted against an evil uncle#if you believe that Clothar is Kaeya's uncle rather than a direct ancestor#there is so much more I could bring up and I'm not even an expert in any of this nor am I the best at research#but I should probably save those for an actual post#plus I don't want to flood these tags more than I have#I have so so so many things to say about Kaeya#he lives in my heart rent free he makes me feel and think so much he is truly the most beloved of all my beloveds#truly the blorbo of all time for me#if even 1 person expresses interest in all my theory-esque thoughts on Kaeya I will have won at life#this is an invitation guys please ask me to talk more about kaeya
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been thinking about bruce being lost in time and going from era to era remembering nothing of his past lives other than eyes of a colour he can't quite describe. he doesn't know the man that they belong to. there's this weird sense of familiarity there, this niggling feeling that makes him drift towards him, but he never even finds out the man's name. and yet every life he lives, the man is there, never changing, never aging.
and then he gets home and finds alfred and looks him in the eyes and-- they're the same eyes. the same colour he's never seen on anybody else.
alfred looks at him like he knows. like he knows what bruce has been through, like he's known this moment would come, like he knows exactly what he's supposed to do and yet has no idea where to go from here.
and bruce can do nothing but hold him, but be held by him. by this man who has always been there for him. by this man who seemingly isn't much of a man after all.
#this was also in my drafts but i saw another post about eldritch alfred#the one i just reblogged#and suddenly added onto this was bruce finding out that alfred didn't start aging until bruce was born#because that was when alfred starting using more power#to protect bruce and then also his collection of kids and allies#but none more so than bruce#and that's the actual reason for bruce's 'plot armour'#it's alfred always giving bruce just the right amount of luck. always bringing him back from the brink of death.#but even the powerful have a limit#and then there's the whole thing of alfred eventually being killed#and bruce knowing that alfred was only vulnerable enough for that to happen because of how deeply he had protected bruce#oh and also. alfred transferring the last of his magic to bruce in the moments before his death as one last way to keep him safe#and now suddenly bruce (who was already oddly magical) has all this power that he needs to learn to live with#i'm never going to get around to writing this but my god i want to#i always feel the need to apologise when the tags go on too long#which is stupid. this is my post. why am i sorry.#alfred pennyworth#bruce wayne#batman
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Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:
She'd rebuild it—what she had been.
Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.
Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."
"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.
"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."
"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.
Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.
Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.
At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.
In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.
She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.
Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."
A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.
She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."
Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."
"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."
Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.
"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."
"I do know."
"And?"
"And what do you wish me to say?"
She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"
"If what?"
"If you wish it wasn't so."
His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"
She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.
It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.
"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."
She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.
"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."
She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"
"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."
"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."
"Then it is her choice, not yours."
Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."
"What did she show you?" A breathless question.
Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."
She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."
His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"
She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.
Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."
She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.
"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.
"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."
A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"
"We'll face it together," he swore again.
"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.
Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."
"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."
She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.
"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."
She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.
She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"
"I thought you might want to be asked first."
"That never stopped you before."
"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.
She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."
He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.
"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."
The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.
"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.
Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.
Together.
#Chapter 41#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#soulmates#mates#spoilers and notes in tags cause this chapter and also spoilers in post cause this chapter first read react with me read along#Rowaelin chapters scenes moments quotes#they want to make it possible bring that love to light#am I allowed to cry? — Again the word endured — finally the dream — the sand she still sees — he’s magic being steady — them talking time#again if Maeve could convince Rowan Lyria was his mate how bad was it when she convinced Aelin her actual mate was dead… this hurts me…#the fact Aelin stopped being useful because it destroyed her beyond belief but the dreams the dreams almost got her because its all she wan#again then both feeling sorry and the other not realizing and then consent and then comfort and love & I just wanted it2be U how could I no#I know you are tired Fireheart (ALL THE TROPES IN ONE LINE… UGH I MISSED THIS SHIP)#together. one soul in two bodies. their endgame like literally they are. I’d choose you too. even the apologies that were needed just heali#what it might have once been — together — not alone — not returning alone — the king and queen of Terrasen — I need u more — 2 whatever end#Aelin watched the boat until it disappeared trying not to stare too long at the clean unstained sand beneath her boots#always north — she didn’t care she just wanted far away — who knew — what she knew-the letters she sent-Valg-dark blood that had turned red#If it had been another dreamscape or some fragment that had blended into the very real memory of Connall's death. — always a plab&theory#all these things to deal with later-she’d rebuild all she had been-her match helper mirror-matched his piercing stare with her own-wait/res#A far cry from a queen's chamber or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin. — how far we’ve come-she had ENDURED she can do it#I'm your mate she said needing to voice it. And you are mine. — Lyria. — I do know. and?&what do you wish me to say?-this was perfect#If what? If you wish it wasn't so. His brows narrowed. Why would I ever wish that? — Aelin. she looked at him at the pain in his words#the way it's changed since Mistward... and grown... even in names like Whitethorn Galathynius together — the brain thoughts are back —#The kiss was gentle-light. Letting her decide how to guide it. So she did. — he’d do it all night if that was what’s he wished#Together we'll find a way their mingling breaths the crashing sea seemed to echo. Together. — mountains and oceans#Might’ve been before-thought snapped-the bond- u r my mate&I am urs-the world might have been burning for all she cared all he cared too#Together they would face this together they would find a way. — claiming him as he claimed her — a scar a marker a tattoo
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Listening to ‘Like Real People Do’ and thinking about reality. The desperation to exist, and to know that you exist, and to be something apart from the gaping nothingness. To be alive. To be alive, and not alone.
We can measure our existence in others’ perceptions of us – they can see us, touch us, speak to us. We must be real then. We must be.
I think about the speaker in the song, a corpse buried beneath the ground, abandoned long ago. I think about measureless time in the cold and the dark, to finally feel the dirt shifting around you, warm hands singing life to your limbs, lifting you. To lie across from this person in the darkness, again, and see something so achingly familiar about them. To gaze into the limitless unknown behind their eyes and understand that once you know something about them, it can’t ever be unknown. Some things you learn about people, and they only cause grief.
This relationship as a tether. This relationship as warm hands, pulling you from the frozen earth. And if those hands falter, you are left, once again, a buried corpse.
Better not to ask. Better not to know.
Just kiss, like you’re supposed to.
Just kiss, because if you can be this for another person then something within you must still be alive.
Just kiss, like real people do.
#I have so much work to do but here I am listening to hozier#actually listening to this song on loop for the last hour#I’m in an odd mental state right now that might be too many plays of that song in a row#whatever. worth it.#I don’t know. the inherent terror of being known (though in this case it’s more knowing another person)#you could bring amatonormativity into play here too honestly#but that’s a whole other post#just. like real people do. what does that even mean?!#the fear that a relationship will fall apart / fear of being abandoned (again if I’m interpreting the lyrics right)#SOMEONE was digging long ago. or maybe it was the same person#the person who abandoned you long ago is back - but for how long? how can you ever trust again?#or maybe it’s just that a person hurt you and how could you trust a person again?#or maybe the fear that you really are dead. you really are nothing. you want to be real but you just - can’t quite grasp it.#I personally lean towards the last one (as can be seen from this post)#this sounds like projection I swear this is not all projection#long story short this SONG is making me FEEL THINGS in the MIDDLE of the NIGHT and I am being so NORMAL about it#does this need trigger warnings of any kind? I honestly don’t know what I’d even tag it just feels… heavy#hozier#hozier analysis#hozier lyrics#like real people do#madbard rambles
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im very much a beginner at sewing BUT i do think this turned out pretty charming despite all the flaws!!
#i made her for one of my best friends#its a tiny version of her cat and said cat is named tiny#never use stretch fabric as a beginner its hell to work with ough#i had fun though!! despite a few times i got pretty frustrated#i also was swearing up a storm and talking to myself quiety the whole time but that just helped me focus lmao#sewing#plushies#handmade#cat#yew branch#also someone who was there when i gave this to my friend came up to me shortly afterwards#and she asked if she could commission me for three of these bc she has three cats#i said itd prooobably be around $150 but id reduce it a lot if she paid for whatever new fabrics and matching thread id need#id be charging that high because this single plushie took me eight hours#but also the girl has a stetched septum at my goal size and i asked if she still has the various sized jewelry she used during the process#and she said yes and that she would be delighted to give them to someone who is just starting the process#she said she would give me them for free but if she does commission me im gonna give a further discount in exchange for the jewelry#her bf arrived to pick her up unexpectedly early though so she had to leave really fast bc he refused to wait :/#so i didnt get her contact info. but literally everyone at that hangout knows her so i can just get her contact info from them#im pretty excited about this tbh itd be wonderful to have motivation like that to get back into sewing#even if she doesnt end up commissioning me its still a confidence boost that she asked me!!#also the friend whos birthday it was (shes a new years eve baby!) LOVEDDDD this plushie im so happy she cried and gave me the Biggest hug#so im delighted about that i forgot how much i love giving people handmade gifts aaaa#and her mom said it looks like itd be in a folk art museum???? which was sweet but i dont really think so...? it did make me happy though!!#im also going to sew various gifts for other friends for late christmas stuff bc its fun :} and i really love giving people gifts#making things for people and surprising them with said things brings me so much joy like every time i make someone happy with smth i made#it feels like it adds like 5 years to my lifespan#i might go start working on another friends gift rn im in the mood to Create... axel if you see this brace yourself#not gonna tag this with rambles bc its my own post i have the right to be chatty#yew sewing
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Question for you about baby Jack: do you think the same people that flatten Jack tend to also woobify Cas to the point of comical gentleness and stereotypical femininity? I was thinking about the implications for both autistic characters having their violence and harsh parts cut away to make them more palatable/adorable.
YES OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING IT.
It was definitely way worse around like S6-7 with Crazy!Cas than it is now, especially as a product of the show’s airing time and how queer men (ie Dean and Cas) were generally viewed during then; if you’ve been on the 2010’s internet you might remember all those mlm ship dynamics that were really just repackages of traditional marriage and gender roles: Alpha/Beta, Top/Bottom, Dom/Sub, etc.
/ Full disclosure that I was *not in these online circles during the 2010’s and I’m not any sort of gender studies expert, so anyone’s free to correct me if I get stuff wrong lol. /
But from what I’ve seen and what I know, Alphas, Tops, and Doms are typically very stereotypically masculine, carrying all the stereotypical traits like aggression and emotional unavailability, and filling in stereo-traditionally masculine roles like being protectors or providers. Vice versa, Betas/Bottoms/Subs were usually the extremely effeminate other half; they were more emotionally sensitive and weak, needed to be protected, and for the most part portrayed as looking physically androgynous or “soft.” Ergo, you have basically affixed these queer men to acting as The Man and The Woman, even though it’s two men.
Like I said, it’s definitely gone away for the most part, especially with the rise in actual gender studies and how gender expression is viewed, especially for men. I’ll still see it in some Destiel art here and there where Dean is this big gruff strong pants-wearer saving a blushing baby-faced dress-clad Cas, (cough wheeze diminuel but you didn’t hear that from me) but thankfully it isn’t thee most prevalent content made for Cas the way baby!jack is thee most prevalent content made for Jack, and there have been plenty of people over the years to come forward and correctly establish Cas as a way more dominant and capable guy than the ao3 fics would have you believe.
Same goes for Dean! He’s set up to be The Man, he likes violence and steak and guns and sleazy dive bar sex, but he’s a very emotionally sensitive man and has his own dips into femininity (Rhonda Hurley, cooking/baking, being Sam’s ‘mother,’ etc.) I’m actually of the opinion that SPN has some of the queerest masculinity ever , and again I’m not a gender studies student or expert by a long shot, but I do think there’s something to be said about how a show that is sort of built on a reversal and deconstruction of the nuclear family (ie Mary being a hunter and John being a normal man, Dean being Sam’s mother in their childhood) is so constantly regurgitated into those very roles by the fandom:
Sam is the “mom” of Jack’s 3 dads, Cas is the sensitive effeminate bean who needs big strong brawny man Dean to protect him, etc., and with Jack’s confirmation as non-binary so many ppl took to drawing them in mostly feminine fashion (which to me speaks a lot to how queer masculinity is treated but that’s for another post I think).
There’s also a lot to be said about how important mothers and motherhood are to SPN. Mary Winchester, Kelly Kline, Lily Sunder, Rowena Macleod, Jody Mills, Amelia Novak, I’m sure I could go on. Sam and Dean follow in the footsteps of their mother’s family as hunters. Castiel bonds with Jack through Kelly, and Jack takes after Kelly more than he does Lucifer (his grandma even points out that he sort of looks like her). I’m absolutely not saying SPN is this ultra feminist show, but when it tries it tries, and what it lays down is very much worth picking up.
you’ll have to forgive me for centering Jack on a Cas ask but I promise it’s not for nothing. like, the whole “twist” to Jack’s character isn’t just that he’s good or sweet; it’s also that he’s much more like his mother. Not only does he look like her, but he’s also very emotional; he’s sensitive, he’s intuitive, he’s deeply empathetic. and where most teen boys wanna be like their old man, he wants to be more like Kelly; even keeping her name as his own. of course he presents fairly masculinely, as do the other guys (unless we’re counting kitchen aprons as a feminine thing, which I only would with a grain of salt), but so much of his character is faceted in being like Kelly; being like his mother, being like a woman, and within the show’s framework that’s a celebrated thing!
I feel like I’m getting away from the original question so here’s some last thoughts to send out the door with you:
> Sam and Dean’s connection and relationship to Mary is also celebrated within the show, arguably more so than their relationship with John
> the importance of mothers in spn is somewhat highlighted by their absences (Sam and Dean, Claire)
TLDR: supernatural accidentally smashed the nuclear gender family and made their men queer and fandom culture/patriarchal norms doesn’t understand it because masculinity isn’t seen as inherently queer the way femininity/androgyny is
#I might actually take up gender studies eventually now it is pretty interesting#not like in college or anything lol . well maybe .#idk lolz#holdthypeace.txt#bringing back that one tag from another post :#every day the gender binary is reinvented and perpetuated and every day I want to rip my skin off to escape it#spn#supernatural#tfw2.0#jack kline#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#destiel#mlm ships#gender stuff#spn study#does this make sense am I insane#also I don’t know if this is necessary but I’ll say it anyways#1) I am not a terf and I don’t ever hope for this argument to be caught on with them#2) im non-binary and I love Jack for being non-binary and my little side note ab the way he’s drawn is not a statement against that ;#; it’s a statement against how masculinity isn’t seen as queer unless it’s in proximity to femininity or androgyny#usually. I know bears are having a grand old time tho 🙌🙌
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so ep11 huh.....
#not putting this in the main tag because it's neg but#yeah what was the Point of misaki coming back at all#K and R had so much emotional development in ep8-10 and their relationship seemed so much more solid#and then we get this... are you telling me the close to three years they spent together meant nothing#that M was the only reason they even remotely cared about one another and that with her gone there was no reason to keep living together#these heart to hearts they had only revolved around M... R didn't even say a WORD about K getting SHOT... i do not get it really i don't#i'm glad R was the one to say yeah we CAN change as i'd wanted and predicted but still... he only stood up for M at the mansion#the photo had K in it too !!! gosh the writing was so atrocious in this one#the music selection during the K and O fight scene was also laughable... idk i'm just really bitter and upset#are these guys like... just colleagues at best... who also happen to take care of a child and live together...#it barely felt like they genuinely care for one another... instead it's like two parents who stick together just for their child's sake#like lottie said that's probably the most concerning message you could send in a show about parenting#anyways ! glad that others enjoyed this episode from the looks of it !#i really wonder what the finale will bring and if the K and R from ep8 and ep9 will come back from the war#my post#buddy daddies spoilers
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Their Favorite Underwear (On You) —♡ LADS Headcanons
—♡Summary: They certainly have interesting preferences, that's for sure. —♡Tags: NSFW, suggestive, sex implied, afab!reader, no pronouns used, fingering, panty sniffing/licking —♡A/N: done staring at this I'm throwing it out into the wild —♡ masterlist
—♡ Caleb
Caleb’s favorite pair of underwear on you is somewhat an innocent pick. A worn out pair of cotton panties you’ve had since high school.
They have some kind of pattern—either horizontal stripes, flowers, a repeating print of the cookie monster—doesn’t matter, he loves it all.
They remind him of simpler times—laundry day when you were younger—and how they’d get caught up in his own load by accident. You’d flush bright red when he stopped by your door to drop them off, but he’d just throw his head back with a laugh and tell you it's fine.
He’s never told you how close he came to pocketing them instead.
In the present, he’s found himself on laundry duty again. The colonel is dumping your basket of dirty clothes into the washer when a familiar pair of cotton panties fall in.
He doesn’t even bother looking around; Caleb reaches for them, breath hitching when he realizes they’re the same pair from before. He can’t believe you still have them. You really ought to buy some new clothes…
Something dark—hot—coils in his belly when he turns the gusset inside out and lifts the fabric to his trembling lips.
It smells divine—a little on the tangy side, but he’ll make sure you drink more water from here on out.
Then his tongue finally laps at the inner lining, and Caleb’s eyes practically roll into the back of his head.
His hips jerk against the washing machine just thinking about sinking his tongue into your actual—
Your voice abruptly floats down the hall, some question he can barely hear, and Caleb tells you he’ll be right there.
Perhaps he will pocket these for later, after all…
—♡ Xavier
Xavier’s favorite pair of underwear on you…is actually his own.
His boxer briefs are basically yours at this point.
When you sleep over and need a change of clothes, he just lets you borrow his; which is how you end up in an oversized shirt and boxer briefs in the first place.
Seeing you in his clothes is a thrill of its own, but seeing you in his underwear?
It’s an entirely new level of intimacy that has his ears burning red and his slow heart skipping a beat.
You wouldn’t wear just anyone’s underwear to bed, you’re wearing his.
He gets oddly clingy when you do, sliding in behind you in bed and nuzzling your shoulder as you scroll through your phone.
You make some comment about a post you saw, but he’s hardly listening. Instead, his hand is sliding down your hip, stroking the fabric of his underwear and the heat of your skin. It brings a soft smile to his lips.
Xavier can’t help but think the slit of his boxer briefs is silly on you, sliding his fingers inside to gently stroke your pubes. It’s usually innocent, he just likes the texture.
But the hitch of your breath darkens his gaze, and Xavier gently coaxes you to continue scrolling as his hand sinks lower…
He hums in response to your little moan, fingers curling up into your slick heat. His other hand reaches around to take the phone out of your faltering grip and slams it against the nightstand.
Xavier’s selfish, he admits—he doesn’t want you distracted by anything else while you’re wearing his clothes, his underwear…
You need to borrow another pair of boxer briefs by the time he’s done with you.
—♡ Zayne
Zayne’s favorite pair of underwear on you is not one you expected—thongs. He’s secretly crazy for them. Well, that might be an overstatement—but he enjoys the sight of you in them very much.
You’re surprised to learn about Zayne’s preference, though he doesn’t readily disclose it at first. You have to feign trouble picking between two sets of underwear first, and shove your phone into his face for an opinion.
“...The one on the right.” The cool response is only betrayed by a fervent blush on his cheeks.
He likes slipping his fingers under the thin string, teasing and tugging. It leaves very little to the imagination; straight to the point.
Your order comes in, and Zayne secretly watches you slide them up your legs as you both get ready for a banquet. It’s all his mind keeps wandering back to throughout the night.
Not only are you wearing underwear he picked out, but you’re wearing them to mingle with his colleagues. A rather distracting thought, isn’t it?
At one point during the night, you bend over to grab something, and the lack of a panty line reminds Zayne all over again what you’re sporting underneath.
He approaches calmly, interrupting a conversation with his colleagues by wrapping an arm around your waist.
His excuse to leave early is well thought out—you suspect he’s had it in mind since arriving—but you’re barely listening when his hand wanders low.
It slides down your backside, and he absently thumbs the string of your thong through the fabric of your dress.
…The car ride home is a short one, to say the least.
—♡ Sylus
If you asked Sylus, he’d say he prefers you in no underwear at all.
But, if he had to choose, he’s rather fond of a simple red lace. Comfortable, practical, sexy.
Not to mention, red is absolutely your color. The fact that it’s his too is merely a…happy coincidence.
When he’s stocking up your closet in the N109 zone, Sylus makes sure to order only the best luxury brands exclusively in various shades of red.
The idea of you sauntering around base in his color is enough to make him purr at the sight of you, even when your underwear isn’t visible.
He makes a game out of guessing what pair you have on; is it the scarlet one with bows? Or perhaps the strappy maroon?
Sylus finds out at dinner; you’re laughing at some ridiculous story when you uncross your legs, and there’s a flash of vermilion underneath your skirt.
The one with heart cutouts? My my, you only wear that one when you want something…
His eyes roam you up and down as you continue your story, but you stumble over your words when a swirling red mist drags your chair closer to his.
You were quite bold for wearing such a bright color in public, and if anyone other than him was to catch sight of it…
Well, we can’t have that, can we?
Your breath hitches when his hand roams your thigh, smug eyes never leaving yours. His calloused fingers ghost the hem of your skirt, and your words trail off in anticipation of what’s to come next.
Sylus grips the fabric and tugs your skirt…down.
Your face burns as he leans back with a chuckle, “You were saying?
—♡ Rafayel
Rafayel’s favorite pair of underwear? Brazilian panties, next question.
They sit high above your hip bones while accentuating the curve of your tummy; absolutely divine.
Of course, you look divine in everything; hell, you’d look perfect in only a seashell to cover your modesty. But something about the aesthetic of these panties, specifically, gets him insanely hot and bothered.
He brings you back gifts from his trip overseas, but he flushes and fervently denies having anything to do with the three pairs of panties tucked behind the body lotions and skincare.
Rafayel quickly changes his tune when you suggest modelling them for him, though.
That’s how you end up changing into them right then and there, a minty lace pair with a little satin rose sewn to the front. You rejoin Rafayel, who’s been waiting patiently on his bed.
Rafayel can’t speak, only tugs the back of your thigh closer as he swallows thickly.
Your pubes peek out the sides due to the nature of the design, and you make an offhand comment about shaving the next time you wear them. Rafayel immediately shakes his head—as if offended—and grips the sides of your hips, thumbs hiking the side wings further up.
He flushes, and his nostrils flare right before he lowers his head to lick a stripe up your lace front.
His tongue burns through the fabric, and the Lemurian lets out a shuddering breath against your stomach. You barely register the chill down your spine when he licks you again, this time his teeth catching on the waistband.
You never get to try the other two pairs on for him…
#love and deepspace#lads#lnds#zayne x reader#sylus x reader#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#caleb x reader#sylus x you#zayne x you#xavier x you#caleb x you#rafayel x you#lads rafayel#lads sylus#lads zayne#lads caleb#lads xavier#lnds rafayel#lnds sylus#lnds xavier#lnds zayne#lnds caleb#love and deepspace rafayel#love and deepspace xavier#love and deepspace caleb#love and deepspace sylus#love and deepspace zayne#love and deepspace x reader
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Old Tumblr Dashboard (Userstyle)!!
I created a Userstyle for the Chrome/Firefox Stylus Extension that reverts the new dashboard to the old look!
You need to have Stylus installed. So if you don't have it:
Install the Stylus Firefox Addon or the Manifest V2 Chrome Extension (You can install Chrome Extensions on Edge as well)
Once it's installed into Firefox/Chrome/Edge you can proceed with adding this style or any other.
To add the style (Stylus), follow the instructions:
Go to this link: https://userstyles.world/style/11286/old-tumblr-dashboard-userstyle
Click on "install".
Style will open a tag with it and in the left side you'll have a button that says "install style", click there. (Step-by-step copied from the lovely dorothyoz39 who wrote this in a reply!) If you don't want the sticky header you can remove the labelled script at the top of the css below /* Sticky Header*/
For Manifest V3 only Chrome Or Stylus incompatible browsers:
For Chrome Manifest V3 install the Tampermonkey Extension
Then add the Tampermonkey Backup Script instead of the Stylus version
https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/492279-old-tumblr-dasboard-backup I highly recommend you switch to Firefox for continued use of good extensions! Stylus does not have a V3 update yet; however, the tamermonkey script works just as good.
Be sure to check for updates regularly and if you'd like, consider supporting me on Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/pixiel !
I'm currently taking donations so I can afford a much-needed wheelchair, so please check out my GoFundMe for more details! Any Ko-Fi donations will be added manually to the GoFundMe
..::::HOW TO UPDATE::::..
click the Manage button on Stylus and click the check for update button next to the userstyle, then click again to install!
Make sure to check the Userstyle and see if the version number matches the one below if you don't see any changes!
NEW UPDATE: 16/02/25 (D/M/Y) 08:22AM BST v16.14
v14.11: Made Premium Perks button available in the bottom left corner for all premium users v15.2: Fixed the Tumblr fuckup AND added a cool new feature that allows you to customise the look of your header & hide the reply-to-replies button if you like, here's how to customise this. Set to "Block" if you want the button/icon visible, Set to "None" if you want it hidden! V15.5: Given labels to options for clarity - now says 'show' or 'hide'! 16.10: Fix changes to the notification icons 16.14: Fixed many issues with Tampermonkey Version - including a bug that makes the header go weird when you click on a post, fixed notification icons in small view You can also fix the positioning of the Communities button and subnav from this menu as well - it should remember your settings when you update!
v15.9: The Boopdate! V16.0: Fixed Search view pages and made them look normal, unfortunately, I can't bring back the dropdown menus for "top"/"All Time" etc - but it should look more like the original now v16.3: Minor tweaks to make search pages look better
Tumblr Post Width & More (OTD+ Userstyle) Is now available!!
OTD+ is an add on for Old Tumblr dashboard that you can use to edit the Post Width, Content Positioning & More - It must be used with Old Tumblr Dashboard installed as well on the latest update! This style might be merged with OTD in the future.
THE CREATOR OF THIS USERSTYLE SUPPORTS THEIR TRANS SISTERS. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!
Check the readmore for the changelog, custom code & known issues!
----- Known issues:
Only two columns in Masonry view. Semi-Unfixable, Tumblr creates columns based on monitor size, if I try adding another column (because it doesn't exist) it just perpetually loads on screen. Semi-fix: Zoom out in chrome/firefox and it adds more columns, you may need to change the font size of the page though
Search bar doesn't appear on some pages (like viewing a post), this is because Tumblr removed the search bar on those pages completely. Unfixable but not a big deal
Tumblr has ONCE AGAIN CHANGED THE ACCOUNTS MENU. The menus are now shorter and have less information on them. This is unfortunately permanent. I do not see any way to fix this. Unfixable.
If you want people's icons to stay fixed in place, instead of scrolling with the dashboard change this in Stylus;
Or if you're using the tampermonkey version
Find text:
.NLCTe > div.Evcyl > div > div > .So6RQ.YSitt > .ge_yK > .c79Av > article > header > .RYkKH > .nZ9l5 { pointer-events: auto; top: 55px; transition: top .25s; position: -webkit-sticky; position: sticky; } and replace it with;
.NLCTe > div.Evcyl > div > div > .So6RQ.YSitt > .ge_yK > .c79Av > article > header > .RYkKH > .nZ9l5 { pointer-events: auto; top: 0px; transition: top .25s; position: absolute; }
Solved issues: (Update)
Menus need to be manually closed SOLVED! in V.4 and updated in V.5! The menu & icon WILL scroll with you if you have removed the sticky header CSS, however, clicking anywhere on screen will make the Menu disappear still.
Masonry view in searches is now fixed!
Resized Messenger Chat Box!
NEW UPDATE 16/08/23, 23:55 BST v6.5: Figured out how to reorganise the icons in the header. Let me know if you have any problems with it and make sure to update your Userstyle! Some icons are hidden with Display: Block; you can hide more icons with this method!
Solved issues p2
Brought back SOME of the icons for Tumblrs latest update - Unfortunately, this does not bring back user icons for Reblogged posts! Make sure to yell at Tumblr for removing the icons as well as the horrible dashboard update here! v7.5 Fixed icons for all posts and put them back where they came from!
v6.9.6.9 (I promise this is the last funny number): Fuck Off Buggy The Clown Update + All languages support for the old header design!
v7.0: Fixed the search bar for tumblrs new collections feature, so it looks like the original search bar!
v8.0: Fixed masonry view icons, hidden the reblog icon on dashboard icons, fixed icons in blog viewport
V8.1: Fixed issue with icons not working on soft-refresh & with endless scrolling disabled - be sure to complain to staff!
v9.3: Changed a few things with the search feature, I also made the posts less round.
UPDATE2 11/04/2024: SO We mighhtttt have overrun their servers. 😅 I'm getting a 500 Internal Server Error every time I try to fix it or upload it as a new style - the massive influx of people downloading the userstyle was probably too much. The Tampermonkey backup on Greasyfork works just fine though! Probably easier for a lot of people migrating anyway! UPDATE 11/04/2024:: My code has broken on Userstyles.world, (it is now fixed as of 12/04/24) until this is fixed I have created a Tampermonkey Backup Version of the Userstyle so feel free to use this version if you've broken yours!
https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/492279-old-tumblr-dasboard-backup
v9.6: Moved the Following | For you | Your Tags to below the create a post panel. Fixed the Accounts Menu! + Bugfixes V10.3: Patio compatibility. Added a way to hide the Patio button & "patio feedback?" button, just search for patio in the code and follow the instructions! v11.0: Temporary Chat feature fix after Tumblr broke it, fixed some positioning issues and j/k scrolling!
v12.3: Fixed a text issue (my bad!), I undid the changes to the replies function and added a way to fix icons order for when you get the communities update!
v12.5: Update to make compatible with the Content Positioning using Tumblr Post Width & More (OTD+ Userstyle) v12.6: Post buttons fixed, icons unable to be fixed yet as I haven't got the tumblr changes just yet - but I will fix them asap!
v11.7: Communities Update, changed the new search bar on communities page to resemble the old one. The search bar still doesn't work on these pages yet for some reason. Blog view icons fixed. v13.0: The icons change should now have a working patchfix! BIG THANK YOU to arcadian-asgardian for sending me the screenshots I needed and testing if it worked. + Minor tweak, communities button resized to fit the rest of the icons better v13.2: Mini fixes now that I have better access to the new changes! Communities icon re-centered, usernames nudged back into place.
V13.5 & v13.7: Nuked the Go Premium button - Re-positioned the search bar on search pages v13.10: Changed a lot of the new look for replies - it's not perfect yet mind. Small bug with the "..." menu moving to the left with shorter replies. Looks a lot more like the old replies section though! Made it possible to remove the reply to reply button just search for "NEW Replies UI" in the userstyle and remove the /* */ around "display: none" OR use Ublock to block the element! v14.1: Reverted the "Original Poster" border + text to look like old version. Edit: Whoops, fixed an issue with showing the timestamps
v13.4: Added a way to fix the communities icon position if you don't have the New Xkit button or have hidden any of the icons. Just remove the highlighted /* */ pair in the code for what you need.
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ so thirsty
pairing: sunshine!reader x bf!rafe synopsis: reader catches rafe working out tags / warnings: smut, handjob (through clothes) wc: 600 a/n; originally posted 10/30/2024
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it wasn't fair how just someone's back could look so good while they were literally pulling themselves up and down on a steel pole.
rafe's back muscles basically glistened under the lights of the cameron home gym, your teeth biting down on your lower lip as you watched him do pull-ups, sweat slowly rolling down his back muscles, the urge to press your legs closer together getting stronger and stronger.
the music playing from his speakers was so loud that rafe hadn't been able to hear you come in. that morning you had sent him a picture of yourself wearing a criminally short dress, half your thighs visible, and thanks to his friends showing up at the ass-crack of dawn and demanding he come out with them, he didn't have any time to jerk off, so now he was trying to take his frustration out by working out.
rafe let out a small groan when he pulled his chest up to the pull-up bar, but even that couldn't mute the little whine coming from behind him, and when rafe's feet finally hit the ground, he turned around to see you, a dazed expression on your face.
"you're stalking me now, huh?" he grinned, tilting his head back slightly as he watched you start fiddling more and more, trying to distract yourself from him.
"no. no, i wasn't."
"mmhm. sure you weren't." rafe chuckled, making his way to you and wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you so close to his chest that you could definitely feel the bulge in his shorts, causing your eyes to widen and your cheeks to start warm up like a hot summer day.
you looked down at his chest, sweat slowly dripping down like it was a movie; like this was something he had planned. but what he hadn't planned, or even imagined would happen was you bringing your hand down to the bulge in his shorts, rafe letting out a small whine, one that made you press your legs even closer together.
you continued to palm rafe through his shorts, the blonde throwing his head back in pleasure, trying to figure out just how you'd managed to get such a hold on him; plenty of girls had given him proper handjobs and blowjobs, but there he was, about to blow his load all over his black boxers just because you were palming his cock through the thin fabric of his shorts.
"i-is this alright?" you mumbled softly, causing another groan to escape rafe's lips as his hips bucked against your hand, the man letting out an even louder groan when you moved your hand down his shorts and started properly stroking his cock through his boxers.
"i... i know you're..." rafe let out a loud gasp inbetween his sentence, "you're not experienced, but... fuck, baby, i can't handle this for much longer..." he mumbled, letting out a noise that was between a sigh and a groan.
you kept stroking rafe's cock through his boxers, his blue eyes rolling back while he panted uncontrollably, his hips bucking to the pace of your hand's movements.
"baby, i'm go-"
before rafe could even finish his sentence, his cock started spurting white, hot cum all over his boxers, your hand still stroking him outside the boxers, and even though your soft voice was trying to calm him down, rafe couldn't concentrate on it, all of his focus on the pulsing on his cock as his boxers filled with his own cum.
#꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱ rafe#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#outer banks#rafe smut#rafe fic#rafe fanfiction#rafe x reader#rafe imagine#rafe outer banks#rafe obx#outerbanks rafe#obx smut#obx rafe cameron#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#outer banks fic#outer banks fanfiction#outer banks smut
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you know the killer doesn't understand
in which spencer is so terrified he's going to hurt you after he gets out of prison that he can barely touch you. an argument ensues.
angst (+ comfort) warnings/tags: established relationship, fem!reader, mentions of violent intrusive thoughts (non-specific), arguing, yelling, use of the word rape, nightmares, happyish ending, mention of showering together, it's a bad time but it's also a good time for us woo i love angsty angst a/n: i miss posting for real so bad i dug up this draft which was mostly finished and polished it up. i think i really like this one and it was based on a request but i lost it:( i hope u guys enjoy this, pls lmk<3
Spencer is by no means happy with his sudden fear of touching you—it makes everything in his life significantly harder and less convenient and he hates that he’s constantly afraid he’s going to break you. He hates watching you hold back from attacking him with a hug when he enters a room like you used to, and he feels terrible every time you ball up on the opposite side of the couch as he reads, waiting for an invitation into his lap but too scared to ask for one (he’ll always hold out his arm for you, though—he’s not cruel.)
You’re adorable in the way you stand at the foot of the bed in your pajamas, arms behind your back like it’s not your bed too, but it makes him feel terrible. This isn’t at all what he wanted for you, and in all honestly he’s thought about ending the relationship because he knows he’s being an absolutely awful partner—but he just can’t bring himself to. Instead, he gestures for you to get into bed, and you curl up under the covers close to him but not against him, and he’ll play with your hair and read for a while because he can’t sleep very well. Eventually he’ll assume the position of sleep, but some sick part of him doesn’t know what to do with the sounds of the city and the fan instead of the sounds of a hundred men rolling and sniffing and shuffling around their echoey cells. He doesn’t understand warmth anymore, or softness, or nice pajamas or fluffy pillows. He’s starting to think he doesn’t understand you. And that’s the worst thought of all.
So he essentially dozes for the first week, on and off, always exhausted in the mornings but what’s new. When he can’t sleep, he turns his head to watch you breathe—some beautiful, sweet creature dreaming in his bed, unwaveringly loyal to him even though he can hardly stand to touch you for fuck’s sake. You’re beautiful, and it makes him feel better to watch you, even if he can’t touch you. Not now that he knows what he is capable of doing to another person. What if he has some sort of PTSD—PTSS, thank you, Luke Alvez—induced dream and does something terrible to you in his sleep? It’s not like you’re tiny, but he’s stronger, he knows he is, and lately every time you get too close he remembers exactly what it feels like to exert the full force of that strength, and what it feels like when someone else unleashes their own onto him.
They’re just intrusive thoughts, and in them he doesn’t hurt you intentionally, but he always feels a little bit sick now. He is so, so sick. A bull in a China shop. Spencer knows exactly how breakable humans are—it’s his job to know. If he left so much as one red mark on you by accident, he’s quite sure he’d drill down to a previously unknown rock bottom. And if he reaches that point, he doesn’t know if he’d ever deserve to come back.
Every day it seems to become clearer that the only humane thing to do is break up with you. But for now he’ll watch you sleep—the delicate rising and falling of your chest, the way you curl in on yourself because you can’t curl into him. In sleep you look so peaceful and content. You never look that way awake, anymore. Not when he’s around, which is pretty much always. At least he can’t disappoint you while you’re asleep.
Or so he’d like to think.
Until one night, about a week and a half after he gets home; you whimper in your sleep. It’s so quiet he could’ve missed it, but he doesn’t, and then he watches your smooth brow furrow with worry and he knows you’re having a nightmare immediately.
Spencer panics—before, he would have woken you up and held you and comforted you until you fell back asleep and it would have been so simple. Now he’s frozen, afraid to touch you but not sure if he can just lie there watching you so afraid and not do a thing about it.
In the end, you choose for him—and it only takes a few moments. You’re close enough to him that it’s easy for you to close the few inches even in sleep, and maybe you’re slightly conscious but not enough to remember you’re not supposed to touch him.
He stops breathing as you fold yourself against him, muttering worried nonsense—he catches his name, once—nestling against his chest, one searching arm gently draping over his waist. Every muscle in his body is rigid, and his thoughts—his mind goes… completely fucking blank.
Suddenly, all he’s known, all he’s ever known, is the smell of your hair, the warmth of you seeping through layers of clothing, and the weight of your arm over him. Everything he ever was ceases to exist, and he’s just this, right now. The person you’d turned to unconsciously for comfort, so sure, so trusting that he would keep you safe. He can feel your breath for the first time in months. Slowly every tense muscle unspools. For the first time in a long time he doesn’t feel dangerous. He doesn’t feel like his entire body is spring loaded and ready to attack at the slightest provocation. Spencer allows himself to hold you, and part of it feels like betrayal because he knows how badly you need this from him while you’re awake but mostly he feels like he could cry. His thumb rubs circles into the middle of your back and your head tucks so perfectly under his chin while he studies the rumpled sheets where you’d been lying a moment ago. He almost feels like sticking his tongue out to gloat at your half of the mattress—haha, look who gets to hold her now—but instead he sighs, shakily, and squeezes his eyes shut.
You don’t make another sound for hours.
He’s reluctant to let you go when you begin to stir around six AM, but forcibly holding onto you is so far from what he wants to do that he manages. You roll back over to your own side of the bed, and he continues admiring you from afar until he falls asleep. It’s the best three hours of sleep he’s had in a very long time.
Of course, you don’t remember it. When you wake up your sadness resumes, and so does the pretending like you’re not sad, but you’re a very good sport—and it helps that he’s feeling much better this morning than he has since he got back.
“Good morning,” you whisper faintly, still blinking as you watch him longingly from your spot.
Spencer pushes himself up onto an elbow, and you watch with big eyes as he leans over you, stroking your cheek with his free hand.
“Good morning. You sleep okay?”
Your brow flickers, and he realizes it’s not a question he asks every morning, and you’re probably distracted by this overt display of affection, but you answer it obediently anyway.
“I think so. I had weird dreams.”
He hums.
“About what?”
It’s quiet for a moment as he takes in the exact spattering of microscopically fractured pigment over your irises. Your voice is small when you finally speak.
“Do I have to tell you?”
That hurts.
“No. But it might help.”
Coming from him? Ironic doesn’t even begin to cover it.
You acknowledge him with a small hum of your own, studying him with soft, mistrustful eyes.
He can’t help it anymore—Spencer leans down and gently kisses you, so tenderly, so chastely, it makes his own head spin. He hasn’t kissed you like that since you picked him up from Milburn. It’s long overdue.
Which is why he’s not expecting you to start crying. He pulls back immediately, not far, just enough to assess your expression.
“What’s this? What’s wrong, angel?” He frowns. Your lip quivers in a way that feels like a blow to the chest.
“That’s not… you’re…”
“What? What is it?”
A fat tear finally traces a path down your cheek and when you speak your voice breaks in the most fragile, devastating way.
“You’re not being fair.”
He has no neat question to summarize all the bafflement your accusation inspires in his lately cloudy head, but the wildly confused look on his face must be prompt enough.
“I’m trying really hard to respect your space and boundaries and not upset you but my feelings are hurt, Spencer, I don’t know how they couldn’t be. I feel like you don’t even like me anymore. I’m embarrassed around you because I feel like I care about you so much more than you care about me. And then you—and then you wake up one morning and you think it’s okay to act like you love me again but I can’t—I c—” you stop, obviously frustrated—now crying in earnest and lacking the words. “You can’t be mean to me. I know you’ve been through a lot and I’m sorry but you can’t treat me like that. I’m a person, too.”
His chest aches and he swallows down barbed wire.
“I’m not acting like I love you. I do love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my life. That’s not an act.”
It’s not an adequate response, but your words are still spinning in his head until he can’t keep up with them. He’s not used to this, anymore. The language you two had developed is so foreign now.
Maybe he just doesn’t know how to talk to you.
Resignation—a too-calm recognition softens the stormy look that has brewed on your face. As soon as it’s gone, and you’re looking at him placidly, he realizes he’s afraid.
“Well, that’s not enough,” you whisper.
Spencer feels like he’s been shot as you push the covers aside and slip out of bed. And he knows what that feels like.
“Where are you going?” And then louder, when you don’t hear him because you’ve already left the room, “Where are you going?”
He follows you through the apartment as you march purposefully for the door, slipping shoes on and grabbing your keys and coat.
You barely look over your shoulder as you leave, slamming the front door behind you. Things shake from the impact. A mini earthquake.
Spencer is too stunned to follow you.
It’s not until a few minutes later when he goes to call you that he realizes your phone is still sitting on your bedside table. He stares at it, tasting metal, because he has absolutely no way to reach you or guarantee your safety. There’s no way for you to call him, or anyone, if you get in trouble—and he fears that you’ll retaliate against him by doing something stupid and dangerous.
He only just manages to stop himself from calling the police and asking them to start looking for you. Only just recognizes it to be an overreaction.
Besides, he’s not feeling particularly fond of the criminal justice institution these days. If it came down to it, he’d trust himself and his team over the cops any day.
The team. They’re always a resource. If worst comes to worst, he thinks, robotically making coffee as he tries to talk himself down, and she doesn’t come home before dark, I’ll call all of her closest friends. If she doesn’t come home before the morning—the thought makes him feel sick—I’ll deploy every fucking resource at my disposal.
Maybe that’s an overreaction, too, but he has to find a way to self-soothe somehow. Planning makes him feel better. Being prepared for the things you never see coming makes him feel better. It’s impossible, of course—but the illusion of control is stubborn and so seductive.
Thankfully, it doesn’t come to that.
At around 2 PM, he receives a couple of texts from Garcia that are a massive relief.
Penelope: She’s at my apartment
Penelope: BE NICER TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!
The series of emojis that follow (including an octopus?), he doesn’t even try to decipher. He simply drops his phone and sighs deeply into his hands, releasing an extreme amount of paranoid tension that had been tying him into knots. Lately, he’s had this sense that everything is fleeting—that the things he takes for granted are painfully, violently impermanent. It doesn’t take anyone with a degree to figure out why he’s been feeling that way, but it’s so all-consuming he’s not sure how to cope with it. Just a few days ago, he’d been wondering how to break up with you. Now he’s asking himself how the fuck he thought he’d be able to do that when he’s barely functioning after a few hours without you.
It’s a question he still hasn’t answered by the time the front door opens at 10 PM. It’s clear by the deer-in-headlights look on your face that you hadn’t been expecting him like this—leaning over the counter, half-empty mug by his hand, staring at nothing in particular and waiting for you to come home. Neither of you have changed clothing since this morning—not that you could—but you look apprehensive as you close it behind you, never facing away from him. The whole thing is like a teenager being caught sneaking back in by a weary parent.
For a moment the silent confrontation stretches into the horizon, a non-specific point as neither of you seem inclined to be the first to talk. You just watch him watching you—leaning against the door rigidly as if you can’t get far enough away. But he’s too tired for this. Too worn out.
“How’d you get home?”
You swallow.
“Penelope.”
Spencer nods slowly, rolling his bottom lip between teeth and finally looking away.
“You really should have brought your phone.”
You scoff, peeling yourself from the door.
“Of course that’s what you’re worried about.”
It’s the same situation as this morning, but in reverse—him following after you down the hall as you storm toward the bedroom.
“Wh—should I not have been? You scared me—” he says your name, barely catching the door before it can slam in his face. “I was worried about you.”
“Why?” you face him, laughing bewilderedly as if the situation were at all funny. A kind of manic energy crackles from the surface of your skin and in your eyes that renders him unable to think of a reply. “Because you thought I would get raped and murdered and then you’d be sad?”
“Yes!” Spencer yells, eyes widening as he fails to contain his frustration any longer. “That is fucking exactly why I was scared!”
You step forward, getting in his space. It jars him, momentarily—he wants to get away from you. Being angry and so close to you is terrifying. What if he lashes out? What if he hurts you? He’s seen crimes of passion. His blood is freezing in his veins.
“Of course you didn’t give one single fuck that I left you. You didn’t think for one fucking second that I might be tired of this. That wasn’t what you were scared of at all.” For every inch you near, he backs away. Another scorned, bitter laugh from you that feels like poison coursing through his entire circulatory system. You notice everything, eyeing him up and down as he cowers from you. “What is this, Spencer? If you hate being near me that much, just fucking break up with me.”
You’re close enough that he can see the tears welling in your eyes, but he’d know they were there even if he couldn’t observe them. He would hear it in your voice. He would feel it. But he can’t do anything about it. Right now, he’s paralyzed.
“If the only thing holding you back is wanting to spare my feelings, just fucking do it. This isn’t better. I don’t give a fuck if it’s hard for you. It’s hard for me, too, but I’m not just going to ignore it anymore.”
There’s no more room. The wall is at is back.
“Honey, please back up,” Spencer breathes. Last time his back was to a wall, he’d been gagged and beaten. Don’t lash out. She never hurt you. It wasn’t her.
“Don’t tell me what to do!” you shout, as tears begin to spill over your cheeks. “Either break up with me or stop telling me to go away!”
At that moment, as you break down and your words become muddled with sobs, you raise your fist.
Spencer watches it approach his shoulder as if in slow-motion.
On instinct, he catches your wrist.
There’s a lull as he waits for something to explode, for something to go terribly, deeply wrong—
But it doesn’t.
He realizes his grip is gentle. He realizes you’d never actually hurt him like that. He realizes how little resistance he’d found when he stopped what was sure to be nothing more than a petulant, petty bump against his shoulder—a maneuver that wouldn’t have hurt in the slightest. It was nothing more than a desolate, childlike display of feelings bigger than you know what to do with.
In the second that it takes him to realize all of this, to realize he is not endangering you in the slightest, nor you him, you’ve begun to truly sob. Standing just inches from him, head angled down as he holds your wrist carefully, you are the picture of a girl who has been running on empty for a very long time and has nothing left to give. Spencer twines his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and slowly rubbing your back like he’d never forgotten how to hold you. It stuns you, and the tears pause for just a second—before you’re wrapping desperate, weakened arms around him and sobbing even harder, albeit silently, into his shirt.
“I don’t want to break up,” he whispers, his own voice shaky with understated emotion. “I’m sorry. Please don’t say that. I don’t want that.”
“What’s wrong with you?” You cry, a desperate plead caught between sobs that wrack your body against his against the wall. And he knows it’s not an accusation. It’s not an insult. It’s a question borne of confusion and fear. It’s what a child might ask a sick dog while tears stream down feverish cheeks. And it’s completely appropriate, considering he never tells you anything anymore and he’s only just realizing how scary that must be. Spencer is back from prison but you may as well still be living alone for all that you know about him. He tangles a hand in your hair and holds you against his chest, breathing you like nitrous oxide.
“I don’t know,” he whispers. The room beyond blurs as he stares at nothing, focused only on the tingly euphoria of feeling you under his hands clashing with the ever-present and crushing shame that he couldn't do it sooner. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want you—to be sorry.” Shuddering breaths and gasps still cleave your sentences in half, and Spencer listens so intently he thinks there might be harmonics hidden in the layers of your voice. He clings to every syllable like you’re wielding the word of god in a five-foot-something body. “I just miss you so m—much. I want you to—to love me.”
“I do,” he promises immediately, lips pressing to your ear. “I do love you. So much. So much.”
When you don’t respond, he’s not exactly surprised. He almost asks what he can do, what you need—but is quite sure that’s not the right move. Instead he doesn’t say a thing. Only holds you.
Later, you’ll pull back and he’ll swim in your teary gaze, and then kiss you. He’ll trace silent apologies into every inch of your skin under the torrent of the shower, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make you understand. But for now, for the first time in months, you’re holding each other, and that’s all either of you need.
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