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pa said the well's run dry he said the bank came out yesterday and said we're gonna have to sell the blog and get work in the city like the rest of folks less we can come up with something real quick. he was all ready to sign the papers today but i begged him to wait to give me time to find something anything and he sighed and said he could give me a week and not a minute more. and i nodded and i cried because he was right when he said there was next to nothing i could do and even if i did find a miracle. all our neighbors shuffled off weeks months years ago because the posts dried up and the bank came knocking. i break open my piggy bank hoping there's enough drafts in there to tide us over. i sit there. and i have to decide if it's worth spending everything i have just to buy us an extra day. and i know this extra day will consist of walking around mute and shellshocked. and i decide. it's worth it. i give pa all my drafts and he looks at me and shakes his head and his voice cracks when he says i better keep hold of those for getting settled in the city. i could fight him. i don't. i leave all my drafts on the table and storm out the back door. there must be something. they must have just missed it. pa says he knows this blog better than anyone. but i grew up here, same as him. and as much as he loves it, i love it more. when i was seven years old he tore the place apart looking for me after i wandered off. but i wasn't lost. i'd found a tag to play in, happy as could be. he never found me, or the tag, i just wandered back out when i got hungry. it's pa's blog, but it's my home. i know where the creeks and streams and ponds are. i know if i look hard enough, i can find a new posting well.
day one, i strike out. i wake up before dawn. i come in after dusk with no posts to show for it. pa's boxing up our plates when i walk in. he doesn't say anything. i don't either.
day two, i wander a further. yesterday, i was following a map with areas of interest marked in order of likelihood of success. today, i pick a direction and walk. i have more to show for it, if only barely. i get home with one bucket of posts. pa tells me i should keep them.
day three i wake up because pa's dragging furniture into the yard for a yard sale. when i ask him what he's doing he says he'd rather be paid flop drafts by our neighbors than flop drafts by the bank. i walk back inside. get my map. i get home after midnight with empty hands.
day four. when i wasn't looking, the cold single minded determination turned into fear. i'm realizing i'm running out of time. i'm realizing the reason pa didn't put up a fight is because he knew there was nothing out here. i could kill him. what kind of farmer depends on one well? my heart isn't in it today. i head out after noon. i'm back before dusk. there's been a stack of empty boxes sitting outside my room since pa told me the news. i haven't touched them. tonight, i take one and put away some of my things.
day five. there's more ground to cover. it's more out of a sense of completion than anything. so that when we're in the city, i can say, i did everything i could. i looked everywhere. this was the only option. i stop midday for a rest. the ground i put my palms on is curiously softer than the rest. i dig. it comes away easily. it turns into mud. heart thudding in my ears, i keep digging. the mud gives way to a trickle of posts. ears roaring. i keep digging. hands covered in mud. the trickle turns into a stream. i start yelling for pa. i'm too far from the house for him to hear me, but i'm not thinking about that right now. i'm thinking about the posts in front of me, clear and fresh. text posts. gifs. amvs. there's enough to live another twenty years on this blog. i splash my face. i laugh. i fill my bucket. i'll have to bring more. we'll have to get the pump set up. because there are enough new supernatural posts here for me and my children to build a life.
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you can write one with cubarsi where the reader is a famous singer and when she releases a song it's obvious that they're together and he's all shy
To be seen â Pau CubarsĂ.
Pairing: Pau CubarsĂ x Fem!Reader
Summary: In which you release an album so painfully obvious about Pau !
Word count: 590+
Disclaimer/s: Half smau half actually writing! reader is a singer and alll fluff !!
A/N: okay ik u said song (singular) but then i got bored and made graphics so..
Yourusername
Liked by paucubarsi, billieeilish, 802,291 others
yourusername My second album âTo be seenâ is out now on all platforms <3 Thank you to my support system & all of you guys, I love and appreciate you more than you know!!
View all comments . . .
username1 hey! so you were sick for this.
username2 are we going to brush over the fact that these are all love songs and she is literally dating Pau CubarsĂ?? (i donât have a source i just know.)
⤡ username3 RUGHT? iâm going insane. why IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THISSS
username4 my pauxy/n agenda has been pushed to the frontlines. nobody can deny them now.
paucubarsi Iâm so proud of you mi amorâ¤ď¸
⤡ yourusername I love you đâ¤ď¸
⤡ username3 hey!! ahahahahahah iâm so normal rn guys im so normal hey hi im sooo normal
⤡ hectorfort Kids down badđ
⤡ yourusername can you leave lil boy.
⤡ hectorfort Iâm older than you?
username5 mi. amor. mi. amor.
billieeilish The most beautiful voice!!đ
⤡ yourusername i cant breath i cant breath i cant
lamineyamal Pauâs blushing like a kid rn congrats â¤ď¸
⤡ paucubarsi Get outtttttttttttt .
username6 hey so âshow me howâ is actually making me hit my head against a wall. delete it NOW.
⤡ yourusername uhm, youâre welcome..(?)đ
username7 IS THE SECOND PHOTO PAU AND Y/N?
⤡ username8 IT IS?? IT HAS TO BE??
â
Your front door unlocking had you scrambling off the couch. A giddy pep in your step as you scrambled to meet your boyfriend in the entryway. When you see him, Pau has a faint blush across his cheeks, probably left over from his friends teasing.
âHello.â You hum as Pau wraps his arms around your waist, planting a soft kiss onto your lips.
âHello.â He repeats the greeting when he pulls away. âYou couldâve told me what your album was about.â
Right.
You wanted it to be a surprise. âTo be seenâ was your one year anniversary gift to Pau, finding the only way you could explain the depth of your love was through your songwriting.
You shrug, âI told you it was a surprise!â You plant another kiss on his lips, âdid you like it?â
âI loved it..â He hesitates before speaking again, âthe fans also really liked it. Have you read the comments?â Heâs blushing again when he brings it up.
âThey are under my post about my album. So, yes, my dear, sweet boyfriend, I have.â Wriggling out of his grasp, you pat his cheek. âMy parents are on the way home with takeout to celebrate! You are staying right?â
Pau rolls his eyes, âitâs our anniversary, of course Iâm staying.â He trails after you into the living room, plopping down beside you on the couch and pulling you into his side. âI love you.â
Grinning up at him, you say a soft, âI love you,â back. Pau leans down for another kiss but you stop him, pressing your pointer finger to his lips and Pauâs eyebrows furrow in confusion. âFirst, tell me your favorite song.â
âLovesong.â He grins, âitâs.. cute.â
âCute?â You laugh, âIâll take it.â
âSo..?â Letting out a dramatic huff, you nodâmid doing so, his lips connect with yours once again. âAlso, when did that picture of us even get taken?â
Sighing at the loss of contact, you rest your head on his shoulder. âA few months ago, when we visited my parentâs lake cabin. My sister took it.â
Pauâs cheeks puff up with the smile that took over his face. âSend it to me?â You nod, reaching for your phone.
Likes , comments , and reblogâs are all appreciated. lmk if youâd like to be tagged in future pau posts.
á°.á tags @halfwayhearted @ar4ujos @sakashq @hrts4havertz @joaoflms @spidybaby @unx100to @n0vazsq
#pau cubarsi#pau cubarsi x y/n#pau cubarsi x you#pau cubarsi fluff#pau cubarsi fanfic#pau cubarsi x reader#pau cubarsi imagine#pau cubarsĂ#pau cubarsi one shot#smau#singer smau#blurb#football#fluff#fanfic#fc barcelona#fc barca#fc barcelona fic
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đ˛ !25 Days of Blockmas! đ˛
The holiday spirit is almost upon us! Starting December 1st, please enjoy this little board of activities Iâve cooked up for the MC:SM community. Blockmas features a handful of fun ways to partake in the fandom along with festive drawing prompts scattered in. Please note everything is optional and you do not have to complete every day to partake! Feel free to use the #25 Days of Blockmas tag so I can see your posts! Have fun and happy holidays!
âď¸Day 1: Snow Day!
Toss characters into a nice chilly landscape, snowball fight, or the Icy Palace of Despair. Or perhaps just give them a nice cup of cocoa. ^^
Day 2: Scribble challenge!
Pick a character to draw using only one line. Once you lift your pen off the paper, that concludes the one line! (Feel free to color underneath the scribble!)
Day 3: Secret Admirer!
Slip an ask into the inboxes of your favorite creators and tell them how much their work means to you! Remind your beloved artists why they bring you comfort or inspiration, tell the writers how much their stories made you laugh or cry, etc.
âď¸Day 4: Winter Clothes!
Wrap a character in a nice, snug sweater, puffy coat, scarf, or other festive apparel!
Day 5: Storytime!
Grab your blanket and start reading a fic youâve been wanting to try for a while.
Day 6: The Good, âOl DaysâŚ
Vibe and watch a playthrough of your favorite episodes of Minecraft: Story Mode. Alternatively, play the game yourself!
âď¸Day 7: Ice Scream!
Turn a character into one of those cursed ice cream treatsâŚ
Day 8: AU Appreciation!
Send an ask to a creator about an AU theyâve crafted. You never know what may help them develop the story!
Day 9: Why is this here?
Slip some memes into a mutualâs inbox. Or many mutualsâ inboxes⌠Or a strangerâs inbox!
âď¸Day 10: Free Space!
Day 11: The Pen is MightierâŚ
Write a festive snippet about the holidays anywhere in the game! (Beacontown, Sky City, The Underneath, etc!)
Day 12: Kind Comments!
Leave appreciation on a few fanfics of your choice! Tell the authors how much they mean to you ^^
âď¸Day 13: CozyâŚ
Time to keep warm during the snowstorm outside. Snuggle up in a blanket, sip some cocoa, or stay close to the fireplace!
Day 14: They would NOT say thatâ
Have fun with incorrect quotes or draw over images!
Day 15: Repetition!
Repeat any day of your choice or try one from the remaining list!
âď¸Day 16: Gift Giving!
Share the holiday spirit with a few fun presents!
Day 17: Time Machine!
Revisit one of your favorite fics to enjoy the tale all over again.
Day 18: Classic Minecraft!
Have fun mining and crafting! Perhaps play with friendsâ
âď¸Day 19: Ugh, Fine. <3
Give one of your least favorite characters appreciation. (It doesnât have to be a lot. Just a small doodle will suffice.)
Day 20: Well-Deserved Break! Take a rest. The coming days will be rather artsy so get your pencils ready!
âď¸Day 21: OC appreciation!
âď¸Day 22: AU art!
âď¸Day 23: Doodle a scene from a fic you enjoy!
âď¸Day 24: Your choice!
^ For the prompts above, you may use OCs/AUs that belong to others!
đ˛Day 25: Recap!
Sit back, relax and take a look at all you accomplished! Enjoy your holidays! If you would like, use this day as another optional Free Space!
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Youâll Never Take Me Alive, Never! You Better Pray That I Die!
Ao3 link
fandom: soul eater
characters: spirit albarn, franken stein
word count: 657
tags: cuddling & snuggling, madness, hallucinations, fluff and hurt/comfort, comfort, domestic fluff, title from a will wood song, hurt/comfort
summary: Stein is struggling with the madness and Spirit allows him to crawl into bed with him.
*They are implied to be teenagers in this.
notes: I am working on a longer fic yay I love doing things for cptsd yay I have another one ready to post too but itâs a short yay Iâll upload it tomorrow
also the title is from the will wood song mr capgras encounters a secondhand vanity
Stein placed his hands onto Spiritâs side and arm, gently shaking him back and forth, loudly whispering a mantra;
âSpirit. Spirit. Spirit. Wake up, Spirit.â
Prying open bleary eyes and squinting at Stein through the blanketing darkness, Albarn lifted his torso and rested on his elbow. âWhat,â he groggily grunted, rubbing his grimacing face. âWhat are you doing in here? What do you want?â
Stein was avoiding making any eye contact at all, merely staring at his blue sheets. He was swaying on his feet and feeling incessantly of his knuckles, the tremble in his voice growing thicker with each word.
âNightmares,â he spoke concisely and not above murmur.
Albarn lifted a suspecting eyebrow. âWaking nightmares?â
âWaking.â
Spirit threw the covers open, gesturing Stein to come and scooting over to the other side of the bed, to which he promptly crawled into the pocket of warmth the weapon had so kindly created, pulling the comforter all the way up past his nose, curling up and hiding underneath it.
A quiet voice demanding that Stein follow it repeated itself just as it had when heâd trudged anxiously down the hall, as the feeling of the spider-legged eyes running up and down his fingers, his arms, his head, his legs overwhelmed his senses. To Spiritâs fright, he slapped and scratched at his limbs, even flailing agitatedly.
âHey, donât do that!â He exclaimed with a concerned countenance, hoisting himself up immediately. He grabbed ahold of Steinâs wild arms and soothed over the reddened skin with uncharacteristically tender thumbs. âWere they crawling on you again?â
He nodded his head slowly, body unmoving, still not bearing to look at his partner. He looked to be somewhat afraid or apprehensive, as if something horrible would happen if their eyes were to meet.
âHm,â Spirit hummed pensively, averting his gaze for the sake of Steinâs comfort. âI know youâre not much of a hugger.. but.. would it help if I held you- you know, just so you wouldnât hurt yourself?â
It was barely noticeable, but Frankenâs eyes widened by a small margin, darting across the room.
âAnd⌠you seem a little scared. Maybe it would make you feel better? Hugs make me feel better, though youâre not me. Have you ever cuddled with anyone before?â
He shook his head âno,â movements still strangely slow.
âWould you like to try? Iâm sure youâre curious about it- youâre curious about just about everything, arenât you?â
He nodded.
âYou can think about, uh, the scientific explanation behind, uh, why, uh, humans enjoy this shit, okay? And if you donât like it, tell me and weâll stop.â
âOkay.â
âWell, all right.â
Spirit moved to lay down along with Stein once more, inching closer and wrapping his arms around his upper half, bringing one hand to the back of his head. âHere, Iâll make sure they donât bother you, yeah?â He gently concealed the youngerâs face against his chest, quickly pulling the covers over the both of them. Stein kneaded fistfuls of his shirt in his hands, fiddling with the fabric in between his fingers, as he swung a leg over Spiritâs.
Heaving a languid and content sigh, Albarn muttered, âThere we go. âŚJust relax now. I know itâs hard, Stein. I know youâre feeling a little wound up, but just breathe with me for a moment. Just breathe, in and out, okay? I know your headâs probably racing with a bunch of scary thoughts all at once, and I know youâll probably find this suspicious of me to say, but close your eyes. Relax. Listen to the sound of my voice.. try to ignore theirs if theyâre bothering you. You know Iâm always here for you, donât you? Youâre my meister. My strong, cockroach of a meister. You could survive anything. Youâll make it through the madness alive, I know you will.â
ââŚâŚThank you,â Stein squeezed him just a little tighter, to which Spirit squeezed him in return.
#soul eater#franken stein#stein#stein soul eater#dr stein#spirit albarn#spirit soul eater#franken stein soul eater#soul eater fanfic#soul eater fanfiction#takeyourcyanide
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i spent quite a bit of time thinking, considering my options and wondering if i should even respond to the 'apology' to begin with, but i feel like i've been here before, in this exact same position (i didn't respond to his original 'apology' because it felt off how he omitted the fact that he pretended to be the victim for a whole week, but even then i decided to not say anything and just let the dust settle and give him a chance to learn and do better) and doing nothing eventually just caused more harm. even if i can't reach the other side and find common understanding, i wanted to at least express what's been on my mind for such a long time.
i always try to approach people and situations with understanding and try to assume ignorance instead of malice when someone says or does something i consider questionable or wrong. but i also know we all have our limits. we are all human. and you can't take the heart out of the equation.
one thing in this 'apology' that really stood out to me was this:
how is it not malice to completely disregard another creator, hell, another person and their wishes and feelings when they have made it very clear that your actions are causing them harm?
how is it not malice to outright lie and misrepresent other people and situations in order to portray yourself in a better light?
how is it not malice to disrespect the people you've stolen from and then, after they (by your own words!) rightfully address it and try to bring your actions to light, you then turn around and vilify them to your friends and followers? portray them as bullies and gatekeepers?
all while repeating again and again how the whole experience made you stop creating? as if your actions didn't force people out of this space, this fandom? have you ever sat down to think how the person that made you a 40 minute video tutorial on gif making, the person that taught you so much, no longer makes anything at all because you turned your back on her and copied her sets? kept doing it after she blocked you? after she made text posts expressing how upsetting your behaviour was? you didn't care and kept doing it anyway. even saying things like 'i always credit where credit is due' in response to copying numerous sets from @minthara, down to the caption without ever crediting her.
and if that wasn't enough harm, you then took it a notch further and straight up lied to the people around you, trying to vilify petra and i by saying how the whole thing should've been dealt with in private. how is it not malice to omit the fact that I DID, in fact, reach out to you privately. that i did it in a civil manner. that i tried to explain to you how your actions were wrong and were rightfully upsetting other creators. how you ignored everything i've said and when i expressed that your response (or lack of it) made me uncomfortable and that because of it i couldn't give you permission to 'recreate' (copy) my work, you then insulted me and told me that it didn't matter what i wanted? that you would do as you please and there was nothing i could do about it? how you then immediately blocked me so i couldn't even respond? how is that not malice?
and then this was from your apology back in march:
and you insist that after this 'apology' you've learnt and were never doing anything wrong again and yet you are saying the same thing again in your new 'apology'. how after the march events you went to @galedekarios anyway, asking for permission, didn't wait for her response and posted your copy of her set anyway. which just makes me think that you've never learnt. it just makes it seem that asking people for permission never stemmed from a place of respect and understanding, but from the need to cover your ass in case someone brings the fact that you're still copying up. which someone did, apparently.
at the end of the day, this is my opinion and i might be wrong, but following all of your words and actions, it just seems like you chose notes and attention instead of people. that you kept lying and misrepresenting things and throwing us under the bus for your own gain. and that you only stopped because enough people eventually found out, not because you suddenly felt remorse. and this 'apology' was just another 'ask for permission from a creator', all just for optics. you couldn't even bother to unblock us before posting the 'apology' which just shows how little you were actually thinking about any of us.
#gah there's honestly a lot i could add but...#i feel like i've said enough to get at least some of this off my chest#i'm not even going to go into detail how he'd ask for my presets and use my tracked tag in every single one of his gif posts#all while pretty much never reblogging from me#and i know that other creators expressed the same sentiment#just weird.. you want to be part of a community but then you only take and take and take and never give back#and then complain that you feel unwelcome#and if anyone reading this even thinks 'omg so you can't get inspired by other people's work? ? ?? ? ????' for one second like#this ain't about it#there's a difference between getting inspired by someone and just endlessly remaking other people's work#and i'm tired of even having to explain it again and again#i genuinely am just tired.. i've been tired for a while#i feel like all these waves just killed my excitement and drive to be part of a community to try and bring people and creators together#i don't even want to make anything anymore because it feels like the whole community was just ripped apart#all after i've spent months trying to bring people together encouraging them to interact and support one another but then this happens#and keeps happening and what's the point anymore
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Every day I get closer to making an unhinged behemoth of a post listing all of the things about Kaeya and his possible connections to mythology & stuff that I notice but NOBODY ELSE SEEMS TO BRING UP IN THEIR THEORIES
(edit: OMG I reached the tag limit I'm so sorry)
#genshin impact#kaeya alberich#kaeya#kaeya theory#genshin impact theory#the unhinged behemoth of a post would also include all the reasons I DON'T think Kaeya is up to anything nefarious#if I see 1 more âkaeya will betray usâ or âkaeya is allied with the abyssâ theory ISTG I'm gonna break something#also WHY. WHY IS NOBODY AND I MEAN NOBODY MENTIONING THE POSSIBILITY THAT#EVEN IF KAEYA IS WORKING âWITHâ THE ABYSS ORDER#IT'S AS A DOUBLE AGENT?!?!!?#LIKE HE'S GETTING INTEL FROM THEM FOR THE PURPOSE OF FEEDING IT TO THE KNIGHTS OR TO DILUC OR SOMETHING#AND HE'S ALSO STABBING THE ABYSS ORDER IN THE BACK#IT'S A SNEAKY TACTIC THAT'S NOT EXACTLY HONOURABLE AND PUTS HIM VERY MUCH IN HARM'S WAY BUT IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF KEEPING PEOPLE SAFE#HOW IS THAT NOT THE MOST KAEYA THING EVER?!?!?#WHY AM I SEEMINGLY THE ONLY ONE THINKING ABOUT THIS?!?!?!#I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS#also why is no one bringing up Kaeya's possible connections to king Arthur???#I mean HELLO?! secret possible royal lineage raised as a ward/foster child/adopted child of a noble family alongside an older brother?!!#and why aren't more people talking about Kaeya's connections to Lord Krishna???#again spirited away from his actual family to be raised in another family alongside an older brother figure who has less chill than him???#not to mention peacock feather imagery and being pitted against an evil uncle#if you believe that Clothar is Kaeya's uncle rather than a direct ancestor#there is so much more I could bring up and I'm not even an expert in any of this nor am I the best at research#but I should probably save those for an actual post#plus I don't want to flood these tags more than I have#I have so so so many things to say about Kaeya#he lives in my heart rent free he makes me feel and think so much he is truly the most beloved of all my beloveds#truly the blorbo of all time for me#if even 1 person expresses interest in all my theory-esque thoughts on Kaeya I will have won at life#this is an invitation guys please ask me to talk more about kaeya
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Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:
She'd rebuild itâwhat she had been.
Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.
Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."
"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.
"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."
"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.
Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.
Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.
At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.
In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.
She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.
Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."
A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.
She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."
Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."
"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."
Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.
"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."
"I do know."
"And?"
"And what do you wish me to say?"
She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. IfâŚ"
"If what?"
"If you wish it wasn't so."
His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"
She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.
It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.
"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."
She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.
"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."
She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"
"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just âŚ.." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."
"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."
"Then it is her choice, not yours."
Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."
"What did she show you?" A breathless question.
Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have beenâif there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."
She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."
His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"
She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.
Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."
She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.
"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.
"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."
A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requiresâ"
"We'll face it together," he swore again.
"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.
Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."
"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."
She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.
"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."
She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.
She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"
"I thought you might want to be asked first."
"That never stopped you before."
"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.
She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."
He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.
"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."
The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.
"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.
Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.
Together.
#Chapter 41#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#soulmates#mates#spoilers and notes in tags cause this chapter and also spoilers in post cause this chapter first read react with me read along#Rowaelin chapters scenes moments quotes#they want to make it possible bring that love to light#am I allowed to cry? â Again the word endured â finally the dream â the sand she still sees â heâs magic being steady â them talking time#again if Maeve could convince Rowan Lyria was his mate how bad was it when she convinced Aelin her actual mate was dead⌠this hurts meâŚ#the fact Aelin stopped being useful because it destroyed her beyond belief but the dreams the dreams almost got her because its all she wan#again then both feeling sorry and the other not realizing and then consent and then comfort and love & I just wanted it2be U how could I no#I know you are tired Fireheart (ALL THE TROPES IN ONE LINE⌠UGH I MISSED THIS SHIP)#together. one soul in two bodies. their endgame like literally they are. Iâd choose you too. even the apologies that were needed just heali#what it might have once been â together â not alone â not returning alone â the king and queen of Terrasen â I need u more â 2 whatever end#Aelin watched the boat until it disappeared trying not to stare too long at the clean unstained sand beneath her boots#always north â she didnât care she just wanted far away â who knew â what she knew-the letters she sent-Valg-dark blood that had turned red#If it had been another dreamscape or some fragment that had blended into the very real memory of Connall's death. â always a plab&theory#all these things to deal with later-sheâd rebuild all she had been-her match helper mirror-matched his piercing stare with her own-wait/res#A far cry from a queen's chamber or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin. â how far weâve come-she had ENDURED she can do it#I'm your mate she said needing to voice it. And you are mine. â Lyria. â I do know. and?&what do you wish me to say?-this was perfect#If what? If you wish it wasn't so. His brows narrowed. Why would I ever wish that? â Aelin. she looked at him at the pain in his words#the way it's changed since Mistward... and grown... even in names like Whitethorn Galathynius together â the brain thoughts are back â#The kiss was gentle-light. Letting her decide how to guide it. So she did. â heâd do it all night if that was whatâs he wished#Together we'll find a way their mingling breaths the crashing sea seemed to echo. Together. â mountains and oceans#Mightâve been before-thought snapped-the bond- u r my mate&I am urs-the world might have been burning for all she cared all he cared too#Together they would face this together they would find a way. â claiming him as he claimed her â a scar a marker a tattoo
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For some reason, this round of meds (same dose and everything as last time) is making me have very violent Realisations and Remembering Things moments. And by that I mean the Thing I Forgot and/or the Realisations show up with a bat and see how hard they can make my brain hit the wall. So anyway.
YOU GUYS REMEMBER SPIKE THE WETFLOOR BOT??? YOU GUYS REMEMBER HER??? THE FIRST FAZBEAR ANIMATRONIC TO BE BORN FROM LOVE INSTEAD OF PAIN??? YOU REMEMBER HER???
CAUSE I JUST DID
#SPPIIIIKKKEEEEEE I MISS YOOOUUUU#I love spike. spike the wet floor bot is my favourite. I miss her I should bring her back somehow#the first animatronic to gain sentience and awareness out of LOVE and CARE#I miss her we need to bring her back. I never made a visual design but I definitely posted some descriptions of her pretty sure#a wet floor bot... a little wonky and a little off colour. holes in it's damaged and dented casing patched up with scrap#never the same colour. always different#stickers and magnets and a lil bit of spray paint. part of an ear missing and crooked#has one of roxy's spiked bracelets around her neck with a keyring dangling from it like a tag...#she picked her own name and pronouns... doesn't really understand what they are and what they mean but she wants them#in one AU she was Roxy's little distraction. something to work on and repair while the others search the rubble of the plex for-#their friends. In another Roxy repaired her for fun unknowingly after Vanny had used her as a test subject for the virus#in another one post-ruin roxy and cassie were searching the plex for an easy animatronic for roxy to repair so cassie's dad could-#test what she'd learned about repairing them from him and found a salvageable wet floor bot#that they then wrapped in tarp and put in a shopping trolley to take her straight home and get to work on her much to the-#confusion of literally everyone as they barrel down the halls of flats with an unidentified tarp blob in a stolen shopping trolley#<- that one's Meteors AU btw. Roxy got turned into a Real Boy by the Meteor and is now living with Cassie as her adopted sister#this is just the kind of shit these two get up to all the time and no one knows who's meant to be the braincell between them because well#they keep taking turns on who the older sibling is. they keep changing it. the eldest sibling is based entirely on the situation lmao#who's bright idea was it to steal a wet floor bot? WHO KNOWS!! Cassie said 'pick an animatronic!' so they did that's all there is to it!#cassie's dad just. head in hands. as he realises. the fucking wet floor sign on wheels is sentient now.#why. why and how. terrified of the wrath of Fazbear if they find out. while she's just. trundling about.#wheels on carpet floor style. struggling but getting there. happy beeps as she pushes a ball around on the floor. living her best life.#sfdsfdsfs I fucking LOVE Spike okay I miss her I need to bring her back somehow#I could give her to mangle or sprocket in robot hell but I'm not doing much with that right now#sdhfdfsfs Chica's recipe zine starring Spike!! and every image of her is just confusion#'see? even Spike likes bananas!' Chica says as she puts one on the floor so Spike can very happily run it over.#dfsdfsds love Spike. Spike enrichment is now running random foods over because she can. and also the wheels off a toy monster truck#so she can be an ALL TERRAIN wet floor bot. make them gecko wheels like DJ's hands and she's got everyone beat lmao#she can be DJ's Uppies Buddy!!#lmao Spike I'm so sorry I've left you in the dark for so long I'm bringing you back. beloved guy of all time
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Question for you about baby Jack: do you think the same people that flatten Jack tend to also woobify Cas to the point of comical gentleness and stereotypical femininity? I was thinking about the implications for both autistic characters having their violence and harsh parts cut away to make them more palatable/adorable.
YES OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING IT.
It was definitely way worse around like S6-7 with Crazy!Cas than it is now, especially as a product of the showâs airing time and how queer men (ie Dean and Cas) were generally viewed during then; if youâve been on the 2010âs internet you might remember all those mlm ship dynamics that were really just repackages of traditional marriage and gender roles: Alpha/Beta, Top/Bottom, Dom/Sub, etc.
/ Full disclosure that I was *not in these online circles during the 2010âs and Iâm not any sort of gender studies expert, so anyoneâs free to correct me if I get stuff wrong lol. /
But from what Iâve seen and what I know, Alphas, Tops, and Doms are typically very stereotypically masculine, carrying all the stereotypical traits like aggression and emotional unavailability, and filling in stereo-traditionally masculine roles like being protectors or providers. Vice versa, Betas/Bottoms/Subs were usually the extremely effeminate other half; they were more emotionally sensitive and weak, needed to be protected, and for the most part portrayed as looking physically androgynous or âsoft.â Ergo, you have basically affixed these queer men to acting as The Man and The Woman, even though itâs two men.
Like I said, itâs definitely gone away for the most part, especially with the rise in actual gender studies and how gender expression is viewed, especially for men. Iâll still see it in some Destiel art here and there where Dean is this big gruff strong pants-wearer saving a blushing baby-faced dress-clad Cas, (cough wheeze diminuel but you didnât hear that from me) but thankfully it isnât thee most prevalent content made for Cas the way baby!jack is thee most prevalent content made for Jack, and there have been plenty of people over the years to come forward and correctly establish Cas as a way more dominant and capable guy than the ao3 fics would have you believe.
Same goes for Dean! Heâs set up to be The Man, he likes violence and steak and guns and sleazy dive bar sex, but heâs a very emotionally sensitive man and has his own dips into femininity (Rhonda Hurley, cooking/baking, being Samâs âmother,â etc.) Iâm actually of the opinion that SPN has some of the queerest masculinity ever , and again Iâm not a gender studies student or expert by a long shot, but I do think thereâs something to be said about how a show that is sort of built on a reversal and deconstruction of the nuclear family (ie Mary being a hunter and John being a normal man, Dean being Samâs mother in their childhood) is so constantly regurgitated into those very roles by the fandom:
Sam is the âmomâ of Jackâs 3 dads, Cas is the sensitive effeminate bean who needs big strong brawny man Dean to protect him, etc., and with Jackâs confirmation as non-binary so many ppl took to drawing them in mostly feminine fashion (which to me speaks a lot to how queer masculinity is treated but thatâs for another post I think).
Thereâs also a lot to be said about how important mothers and motherhood are to SPN. Mary Winchester, Kelly Kline, Lily Sunder, Rowena Macleod, Jody Mills, Amelia Novak, Iâm sure I could go on. Sam and Dean follow in the footsteps of their motherâs family as hunters. Castiel bonds with Jack through Kelly, and Jack takes after Kelly more than he does Lucifer (his grandma even points out that he sort of looks like her). Iâm absolutely not saying SPN is this ultra feminist show, but when it tries it tries, and what it lays down is very much worth picking up.
youâll have to forgive me for centering Jack on a Cas ask but I promise itâs not for nothing. like, the whole âtwistâ to Jackâs character isnât just that heâs good or sweet; itâs also that heâs much more like his mother. Not only does he look like her, but heâs also very emotional; heâs sensitive, heâs intuitive, heâs deeply empathetic. and where most teen boys wanna be like their old man, he wants to be more like Kelly; even keeping her name as his own. of course he presents fairly masculinely, as do the other guys (unless weâre counting kitchen aprons as a feminine thing, which I only would with a grain of salt), but so much of his character is faceted in being like Kelly; being like his mother, being like a woman, and within the showâs framework thatâs a celebrated thing!
I feel like Iâm getting away from the original question so hereâs some last thoughts to send out the door with you:
> Sam and Deanâs connection and relationship to Mary is also celebrated within the show, arguably more so than their relationship with John
> the importance of mothers in spn is somewhat highlighted by their absences (Sam and Dean, Claire)
TLDR: supernatural accidentally smashed the nuclear gender family and made their men queer and fandom culture/patriarchal norms doesnât understand it because masculinity isnât seen as inherently queer the way femininity/androgyny is
#I might actually take up gender studies eventually now it is pretty interesting#not like in college or anything lol . well maybe .#idk lolz#holdthypeace.txt#bringing back that one tag from another post :#every day the gender binary is reinvented and perpetuated and every day I want to rip my skin off to escape it#spn#supernatural#tfw2.0#jack kline#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#destiel#mlm ships#gender stuff#spn study#does this make sense am I insane#also I donât know if this is necessary but Iâll say it anyways#1) I am not a terf and I donât ever hope for this argument to be caught on with them#2) im non-binary and I love Jack for being non-binary and my little side note ab the way heâs drawn is not a statement against that ;#; itâs a statement against how masculinity isnât seen as queer unless itâs in proximity to femininity or androgyny#usually. I know bears are having a grand old time tho đđ
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so ep11 huh.....
#not putting this in the main tag because it's neg but#yeah what was the Point of misaki coming back at all#K and R had so much emotional development in ep8-10 and their relationship seemed so much more solid#and then we get this... are you telling me the close to three years they spent together meant nothing#that M was the only reason they even remotely cared about one another and that with her gone there was no reason to keep living together#these heart to hearts they had only revolved around M... R didn't even say a WORD about K getting SHOT... i do not get it really i don't#i'm glad R was the one to say yeah we CAN change as i'd wanted and predicted but still... he only stood up for M at the mansion#the photo had K in it too !!! gosh the writing was so atrocious in this one#the music selection during the K and O fight scene was also laughable... idk i'm just really bitter and upset#are these guys like... just colleagues at best... who also happen to take care of a child and live together...#it barely felt like they genuinely care for one another... instead it's like two parents who stick together just for their child's sake#like lottie said that's probably the most concerning message you could send in a show about parenting#anyways ! glad that others enjoyed this episode from the looks of it !#i really wonder what the finale will bring and if the K and R from ep8 and ep9 will come back from the war#my post#buddy daddies spoilers
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Old Tumblr Dashboard (Userstyle)!!
I created a Userstyle for the Chrome/Firefox Stylus Extension that reverts the new dashboard to the old look!
You need to have Stylus installed. So if you don't have it:
Install the Stylus Firefox Addon or the Manifest V2 Chrome Extension (You can install Chrome Extensions on Edge as well)
Once it's installed into Firefox/Chrome/Edge you can proceed with adding this style or any other.
To add the style (Stylus), follow the instructions:
Go to this link: https://userstyles.world/style/11286/old-tumblr-dashboard-july-2023
Click on "install".
Style will open a tag with it and in the left side you'll have a button that says "install style", click there. (Step-by-step copied from the lovely dorothyoz39 who wrote this in a reply!) If you don't want the sticky header you can remove the labelled script at the top of the css below /* Sticky Header*/
For Manifest V3 only Chrome Or Stylus incompatible browsers:
For Chrome Manifest V3 install the Tampermonkey Extension
Then add the Tampermonkey Backup Script instead of the Stylus version
https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/492279-old-tumblr-dasboard-backup I highly recommend you switch to Firefox for continued use of good extensions! Stylus does not have a V3 update yet; however, the tamermonkey script works just as good.
Be sure to check for updates regularly and if you'd like, consider supporting me on Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/pixiel !
I'm currently taking donations so I can afford a much-needed wheelchair, so please check out my GoFundMe for more details! Any Ko-Fi donations will be added manually to the GoFundMe
..::::HOW TO UPDATE::::..
click the Manage button on Stylus and click the check for update button next to the userstyle, then click again to install!
Make sure to check the Userstyle and see if the version number matches the one below if you don't see any changes!
NEW UPDATE: 18/11/24 (D/M/Y) 01:28PM BST v16.3
v14.11: Made Premium Perks button available in the bottom left corner for all premium users v15.2: Fixed the Tumblr fuckup AND added a cool new feature that allows you to customise the look of your header & hide the reply-to-replies button if you like, here's how to customise this. Set to "Block" if you want the button/icon visible, Set to "None" if you want it hidden! V15.5: Given labels to options for clarity - now says 'show' or 'hide'! You can also fix the positioning of the Communities button and subnav from this menu as well - it should remember your settings when you update!
v15.9: The Boopdate! V16.0: Fixed Search view pages and made them look normal, unfortunately, I can't bring back the dropdown menus for "top"/"All Time" etc - but it should look more like the original now v16.3: Minor tweaks to make search pages look better
Tumblr Post Width & More (OTD+ Userstyle) Is now available!!
OTD+ is an add on for Old Tumblr dashboard that you can use to edit the Post Width, Content Positioning & More - It must be used with Old Tumblr Dashboard installed as well on the latest update! This style might be merged with OTD in the future.
THE CREATOR OF THIS USERSTYLE SUPPORTS THEIR TRANS SISTERS. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!
Check the readmore for the changelog, custom code & known issues!
----- Known issues:
Only two columns in Masonry view. Semi-Unfixable, Tumblr creates columns based on monitor size, if I try adding another column (because it doesn't exist) it just perpetually loads on screen. Semi-fix: Zoom out in chrome/firefox and it adds more columns, you may need to change the font size of the page though
Search bar doesn't appear on some pages (like viewing a post), this is because Tumblr removed the search bar on those pages completely. Unfixable but not a big deal
Tumblr has ONCE AGAIN CHANGED THE ACCOUNTS MENU. The menus are now shorter and have less information on them. This is unfortunately permanent. I do not see any way to fix this. Unfixable.
If you want people's icons to stay fixed in place, instead of scrolling with the dashboard change this in Stylus;
Or if you're using the tampermonkey version
Find text:
.NLCTe > div.Evcyl > div > div > .So6RQ.YSitt > .ge_yK > .c79Av > article > header > .RYkKH > .nZ9l5 { pointer-events: auto; top: 55px; transition: top .25s; position: -webkit-sticky; position: sticky; } and replace it with;
.NLCTe > div.Evcyl > div > div > .So6RQ.YSitt > .ge_yK > .c79Av > article > header > .RYkKH > .nZ9l5 { pointer-events: auto; top: 0px; transition: top .25s; position: absolute; }
Solved issues: (Update)
Menus need to be manually closed SOLVED! in V.4 and updated in V.5! The menu & icon WILL scroll with you if you have removed the sticky header CSS, however, clicking anywhere on screen will make the Menu disappear still.
Masonry view in searches is now fixed!
Resized Messenger Chat Box!
NEW UPDATE 16/08/23, 23:55 BST v6.5: Figured out how to reorganise the icons in the header. Let me know if you have any problems with it and make sure to update your Userstyle! Some icons are hidden with Display: Block; you can hide more icons with this method!
Solved issues p2
Brought back SOME of the icons for Tumblrs latest update - Unfortunately, this does not bring back user icons for Reblogged posts! Make sure to yell at Tumblr for removing the icons as well as the horrible dashboard update here! v7.5 Fixed icons for all posts and put them back where they came from!
v6.9.6.9 (I promise this is the last funny number): Fuck Off Buggy The Clown Update + All languages support for the old header design!
v7.0: Fixed the search bar for tumblrs new collections feature, so it looks like the original search bar!
v8.0: Fixed masonry view icons, hidden the reblog icon on dashboard icons, fixed icons in blog viewport
V8.1: Fixed issue with icons not working on soft-refresh & with endless scrolling disabled - be sure to complain to staff!
v9.3: Changed a few things with the search feature, I also made the posts less round.
UPDATE2 11/04/2024: SO We mighhtttt have overrun their servers. đ
I'm getting a 500 Internal Server Error every time I try to fix it or upload it as a new style - the massive influx of people downloading the userstyle was probably too much. The Tampermonkey backup on Greasyfork works just fine though! Probably easier for a lot of people migrating anyway! UPDATE 11/04/2024:: My code has broken on Userstyles.world, (it is now fixed as of 12/04/24) until this is fixed I have created a Tampermonkey Backup Version of the Userstyle so feel free to use this version if you've broken yours!
https://greasyfork.org/en/scripts/492279-old-tumblr-dasboard-backup
v9.6: Moved the Following | For you | Your Tags to below the create a post panel. Fixed the Accounts Menu! + Bugfixes V10.3: Patio compatibility. Added a way to hide the Patio button & "patio feedback?" button, just search for patio in the code and follow the instructions! v11.0: Temporary Chat feature fix after Tumblr broke it, fixed some positioning issues and j/k scrolling!
v12.3: Fixed a text issue (my bad!), I undid the changes to the replies function and added a way to fix icons order for when you get the communities update!
v12.5: Update to make compatible with the Content Positioning using Tumblr Post Width & More (OTD+ Userstyle) v12.6: Post buttons fixed, icons unable to be fixed yet as I haven't got the tumblr changes just yet - but I will fix them asap!
v11.7: Communities Update, changed the new search bar on communities page to resemble the old one. The search bar still doesn't work on these pages yet for some reason. Blog view icons fixed. v13.0: The icons change should now have a working patchfix! BIG THANK YOU to arcadian-asgardian for sending me the screenshots I needed and testing if it worked. + Minor tweak, communities button resized to fit the rest of the icons better v13.2: Mini fixes now that I have better access to the new changes! Communities icon re-centered, usernames nudged back into place.
V13.5 & v13.7: Nuked the Go Premium button - Re-positioned the search bar on search pages v13.10: Changed a lot of the new look for replies - it's not perfect yet mind. Small bug with the "..." menu moving to the left with shorter replies. Looks a lot more like the old replies section though! Made it possible to remove the reply to reply button just search for "NEW Replies UI" in the userstyle and remove the /* */ around "display: none" OR use Ublock to block the element! v14.1: Reverted the "Original Poster" border + text to look like old version. Edit: Whoops, fixed an issue with showing the timestamps
v13.4: Added a way to fix the communities icon position if you don't have the New Xkit button or have hidden any of the icons. Just remove the highlighted /* */ pair in the code for what you need.
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you know the killer doesn't understand
in which spencer is so terrified he's going to hurt you after he gets out of prison that he can barely touch you. an argument ensues.
angst (+ comfort) warnings/tags: established relationship, fem!reader, mentions of violent intrusive thoughts (non-specific), arguing, yelling, use of the word rape, nightmares, happyish ending, mention of showering together, it's a bad time but it's also a good time for us woo i love angsty angst a/n: i miss posting for real so bad i dug up this draft which was mostly finished and polished it up. i think i really like this one and it was based on a request but i lost it:( i hope u guys enjoy this, pls lmk<3
Spencer is by no means happy with his sudden fear of touching youâit makes everything in his life significantly harder and less convenient and he hates that heâs constantly afraid heâs going to break you. He hates watching you hold back from attacking him with a hug when he enters a room like you used to, and he feels terrible every time you ball up on the opposite side of the couch as he reads, waiting for an invitation into his lap but too scared to ask for one (heâll always hold out his arm for you, thoughâheâs not cruel.)
Youâre adorable in the way you stand at the foot of the bed in your pajamas, arms behind your back like itâs not your bed too, but it makes him feel terrible. This isnât at all what he wanted for you, and in all honestly heâs thought about ending the relationship because he knows heâs being an absolutely awful partnerâbut he just canât bring himself to. Instead, he gestures for you to get into bed, and you curl up under the covers close to him but not against him, and heâll play with your hair and read for a while because he canât sleep very well. Eventually heâll assume the position of sleep, but some sick part of him doesnât know what to do with the sounds of the city and the fan instead of the sounds of a hundred men rolling and sniffing and shuffling around their echoey cells. He doesnât understand warmth anymore, or softness, or nice pajamas or fluffy pillows. Heâs starting to think he doesnât understand you. And thatâs the worst thought of all.Â
So he essentially dozes for the first week, on and off, always exhausted in the mornings but whatâs new. When he canât sleep, he turns his head to watch you breatheâsome beautiful, sweet creature dreaming in his bed, unwaveringly loyal to him even though he can hardly stand to touch you for fuckâs sake. Youâre beautiful, and it makes him feel better to watch you, even if he canât touch you. Not now that he knows what he is capable of doing to another person. What if he has some sort of PTSDâPTSS, thank you, Luke Alvezâinduced dream and does something terrible to you in his sleep? Itâs not like youâre tiny, but heâs stronger, he knows he is, and lately every time you get too close he remembers exactly what it feels like to exert the full force of that strength, and what it feels like when someone else unleashes their own onto him.Â
Theyâre just intrusive thoughts, and in them he doesnât hurt you intentionally, but he always feels a little bit sick now. He is so, so sick. A bull in a China shop. Spencer knows exactly how breakable humans areâitâs his job to know. If he left so much as one red mark on you by accident, heâs quite sure heâd drill down to a previously unknown rock bottom. And if he reaches that point, he doesnât know if heâd ever deserve to come back.Â
Every day it seems to become clearer that the only humane thing to do is break up with you. But for now heâll watch you sleepâthe delicate rising and falling of your chest, the way you curl in on yourself because you canât curl into him. In sleep you look so peaceful and content. You never look that way awake, anymore. Not when heâs around, which is pretty much always. At least he canât disappoint you while youâre asleep.Â
Or so heâd like to think.Â
Until one night, about a week and a half after he gets home; you whimper in your sleep. Itâs so quiet he couldâve missed it, but he doesnât, and then he watches your smooth brow furrow with worry and he knows youâre having a nightmare immediately.Â
Spencer panicsâbefore, he would have woken you up and held you and comforted you until you fell back asleep and it would have been so simple. Now heâs frozen, afraid to touch you but not sure if he can just lie there watching you so afraid and not do a thing about it.Â
In the end, you choose for himâand it only takes a few moments. Youâre close enough to him that itâs easy for you to close the few inches even in sleep, and maybe youâre slightly conscious but not enough to remember youâre not supposed to touch him.Â
He stops breathing as you fold yourself against him, muttering worried nonsenseâhe catches his name, onceânestling against his chest, one searching arm gently draping over his waist. Every muscle in his body is rigid, and his thoughtsâhis mind goes⌠completely fucking blank.Â
Suddenly, all heâs known, all heâs ever known, is the smell of your hair, the warmth of you seeping through layers of clothing, and the weight of your arm over him. Everything he ever was ceases to exist, and heâs just this, right now. The person youâd turned to unconsciously for comfort, so sure, so trusting that he would keep you safe. He can feel your breath for the first time in months. Slowly every tense muscle unspools. For the first time in a long time he doesnât feel dangerous. He doesnât feel like his entire body is spring loaded and ready to attack at the slightest provocation. Spencer allows himself to hold you, and part of it feels like betrayal because he knows how badly you need this from him while youâre awake but mostly he feels like he could cry. His thumb rubs circles into the middle of your back and your head tucks so perfectly under his chin while he studies the rumpled sheets where youâd been lying a moment ago. He almost feels like sticking his tongue out to gloat at your half of the mattressâhaha, look who gets to hold her nowâbut instead he sighs, shakily, and squeezes his eyes shut.Â
You donât make another sound for hours.Â
Heâs reluctant to let you go when you begin to stir around six AM, but forcibly holding onto you is so far from what he wants to do that he manages. You roll back over to your own side of the bed, and he continues admiring you from afar until he falls asleep. Itâs the best three hours of sleep heâs had in a very long time.Â
Of course, you donât remember it. When you wake up your sadness resumes, and so does the pretending like youâre not sad, but youâre a very good sportâand it helps that heâs feeling much better this morning than he has since he got back.Â
âGood morning,â you whisper faintly, still blinking as you watch him longingly from your spot.Â
Spencer pushes himself up onto an elbow, and you watch with big eyes as he leans over you, stroking your cheek with his free hand.Â
âGood morning. You sleep okay?â
Your brow flickers, and he realizes itâs not a question he asks every morning, and youâre probably distracted by this overt display of affection, but you answer it obediently anyway.Â
âI think so. I had weird dreams.â
He hums.Â
âAbout what?â
Itâs quiet for a moment as he takes in the exact spattering of microscopically fractured pigment over your irises. Your voice is small when you finally speak.Â
âDo I have to tell you?â
That hurts.Â
âNo. But it might help.â
Coming from him? Ironic doesnât even begin to cover it.Â
You acknowledge him with a small hum of your own, studying him with soft, mistrustful eyes.Â
He canât help it anymoreâSpencer leans down and gently kisses you, so tenderly, so chastely, it makes his own head spin. He hasnât kissed you like that since you picked him up from Milburn. Itâs long overdue.Â
Which is why heâs not expecting you to start crying. He pulls back immediately, not far, just enough to assess your expression.Â
âWhatâs this? Whatâs wrong, angel?â He frowns. Your lip quivers in a way that feels like a blow to the chest.Â
âThatâs not⌠youâreâŚâ
âWhat? What is it?â
A fat tear finally traces a path down your cheek and when you speak your voice breaks in the most fragile, devastating way.Â
âYouâre not being fair.â
He has no neat question to summarize all the bafflement your accusation inspires in his lately cloudy head, but the wildly confused look on his face must be prompt enough.
âIâm trying really hard to respect your space and boundaries and not upset you but my feelings are hurt, Spencer, I donât know how they couldnât be. I feel like you donât even like me anymore. Iâm embarrassed around you because I feel like I care about you so much more than you care about me. And then youâand then you wake up one morning and you think itâs okay to act like you love me again but I canâtâI cââ you stop, obviously frustratedânow crying in earnest and lacking the words. âYou canât be mean to me. I know youâve been through a lot and Iâm sorry but you canât treat me like that. Iâm a person, too.â
His chest aches and he swallows down barbed wire.
âIâm not acting like I love you. I do love you. More than Iâve ever loved anyone or anything in my life. Thatâs not an act.â
Itâs not an adequate response, but your words are still spinning in his head until he canât keep up with them. Heâs not used to this, anymore. The language you two had developed is so foreign now.Â
Maybe he just doesnât know how to talk to you.Â
Resignationâa too-calm recognition softens the stormy look that has brewed on your face. As soon as itâs gone, and youâre looking at him placidly, he realizes heâs afraid.Â
âWell, thatâs not enough,â you whisper.Â
Spencer feels like heâs been shot as you push the covers aside and slip out of bed. And he knows what that feels like.Â
âWhere are you going?â And then louder, when you donât hear him because youâve already left the room, âWhere are you going?â
He follows you through the apartment as you march purposefully for the door, slipping shoes on and grabbing your keys and coat.Â
You barely look over your shoulder as you leave, slamming the front door behind you. Things shake from the impact. A mini earthquake.Â
Spencer is too stunned to follow you.Â
Itâs not until a few minutes later when he goes to call you that he realizes your phone is still sitting on your bedside table. He stares at it, tasting metal, because he has absolutely no way to reach you or guarantee your safety. Thereâs no way for you to call him, or anyone, if you get in troubleâand he fears that youâll retaliate against him by doing something stupid and dangerous.Â
He only just manages to stop himself from calling the police and asking them to start looking for you. Only just recognizes it to be an overreaction.Â
Besides, heâs not feeling particularly fond of the criminal justice institution these days. If it came down to it, heâd trust himself and his team over the cops any day.
The team. Theyâre always a resource. If worst comes to worst, he thinks, robotically making coffee as he tries to talk himself down, and she doesnât come home before dark, Iâll call all of her closest friends. If she doesnât come home before the morningâthe thought makes him feel sickâIâll deploy every fucking resource at my disposal.Â
Maybe thatâs an overreaction, too, but he has to find a way to self-soothe somehow. Planning makes him feel better. Being prepared for the things you never see coming makes him feel better. Itâs impossible, of courseâbut the illusion of control is stubborn and so seductive.Â
Thankfully, it doesnât come to that.Â
At around 2 PM, he receives a couple of texts from Garcia that are a massive relief.Â
Penelope: Sheâs at my apartment
Penelope: BE NICER TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!
The series of emojis that follow (including an octopus?), he doesnât even try to decipher. He simply drops his phone and sighs deeply into his hands, releasing an extreme amount of paranoid tension that had been tying him into knots. Lately, heâs had this sense that everything is fleetingâthat the things he takes for granted are painfully, violently impermanent. It doesnât take anyone with a degree to figure out why heâs been feeling that way, but itâs so all-consuming heâs not sure how to cope with it. Just a few days ago, heâd been wondering how to break up with you. Now heâs asking himself how the fuck he thought heâd be able to do that when heâs barely functioning after a few hours without you.
Itâs a question he still hasnât answered by the time the front door opens at 10 PM. Itâs clear by the deer-in-headlights look on your face that you hadnât been expecting him like thisâleaning over the counter, half-empty mug by his hand, staring at nothing in particular and waiting for you to come home. Neither of you have changed clothing since this morningânot that you couldâbut you look apprehensive as you close it behind you, never facing away from him. The whole thing is like a teenager being caught sneaking back in by a weary parent.Â
For a moment the silent confrontation stretches into the horizon, a non-specific point as neither of you seem inclined to be the first to talk. You just watch him watching youâleaning against the door rigidly as if you canât get far enough away. But heâs too tired for this. Too worn out.Â
âHowâd you get home?â
You swallow.Â
âPenelope.â
Spencer nods slowly, rolling his bottom lip between teeth and finally looking away.Â
âYou really should have brought your phone.â
You scoff, peeling yourself from the door.Â
âOf course thatâs what youâre worried about.â
Itâs the same situation as this morning, but in reverseâhim following after you down the hall as you storm toward the bedroom.Â
âWhâshould I not have been? You scared meââ he says your name, barely catching the door before it can slam in his face. âI was worried about you.â
âWhy?â you face him, laughing bewilderedly as if the situation were at all funny. A kind of manic energy crackles from the surface of your skin and in your eyes that renders him unable to think of a reply. âBecause you thought I would get raped and murdered and then youâd be sad?â
âYes!â Spencer yells, eyes widening as he fails to contain his frustration any longer. âThat is fucking exactly why I was scared!â
You step forward, getting in his space. It jars him, momentarilyâhe wants to get away from you. Being angry and so close to you is terrifying. What if he lashes out? What if he hurts you? Heâs seen crimes of passion. His blood is freezing in his veins.Â
âOf course you didnât give one single fuck that I left you. You didnât think for one fucking second that I might be tired of this. That wasnât what you were scared of at all.â For every inch you near, he backs away. Another scorned, bitter laugh from you that feels like poison coursing through his entire circulatory system. You notice everything, eyeing him up and down as he cowers from you. âWhat is this, Spencer? If you hate being near me that much, just fucking break up with me.â
Youâre close enough that he can see the tears welling in your eyes, but heâd know they were there even if he couldnât observe them. He would hear it in your voice. He would feel it. But he canât do anything about it. Right now, heâs paralyzed.Â
âIf the only thing holding you back is wanting to spare my feelings, just fucking do it. This isnât better. I donât give a fuck if itâs hard for you. Itâs hard for me, too, but Iâm not just going to ignore it anymore.â
Thereâs no more room. The wall is at is back.Â
âHoney, please back up,â Spencer breathes. Last time his back was to a wall, heâd been gagged and beaten. Donât lash out. She never hurt you. It wasnât her.Â
âDonât tell me what to do!â you shout, as tears begin to spill over your cheeks. âEither break up with me or stop telling me to go away!â
At that moment, as you break down and your words become muddled with sobs, you raise your fist.Â
Spencer watches it approach his shoulder as if in slow-motion.Â
On instinct, he catches your wrist.
Thereâs a lull as he waits for something to explode, for something to go terribly, deeply wrongâ
But it doesnât.Â
He realizes his grip is gentle. He realizes youâd never actually hurt him like that. He realizes how little resistance heâd found when he stopped what was sure to be nothing more than a petulant, petty bump against his shoulderâa maneuver that wouldnât have hurt in the slightest. It was nothing more than a desolate, childlike display of feelings bigger than you know what to do with.Â
In the second that it takes him to realize all of this, to realize he is not endangering you in the slightest, nor you him, youâve begun to truly sob. Standing just inches from him, head angled down as he holds your wrist carefully, you are the picture of a girl who has been running on empty for a very long time and has nothing left to give. Spencer twines his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and slowly rubbing your back like heâd never forgotten how to hold you. It stuns you, and the tears pause for just a secondâbefore youâre wrapping desperate, weakened arms around him and sobbing even harder, albeit silently, into his shirt.Â
âI donât want to break up,â he whispers, his own voice shaky with understated emotion. âIâm sorry. Please donât say that. I donât want that.â
âWhatâs wrong with you?â You cry, a desperate plead caught between sobs that wrack your body against his against the wall. And he knows itâs not an accusation. Itâs not an insult. Itâs a question borne of confusion and fear. Itâs what a child might ask a sick dog while tears stream down feverish cheeks. And itâs completely appropriate, considering he never tells you anything anymore and heâs only just realizing how scary that must be. Spencer is back from prison but you may as well still be living alone for all that you know about him. He tangles a hand in your hair and holds you against his chest, breathing you like nitrous oxide.Â
âI donât know,â he whispers. The room beyond blurs as he stares at nothing, focused only on the tingly euphoria of feeling you under his hands clashing with the ever-present and crushing shame that he couldn't do it sooner. âI donât know. Iâm sorry.â
âI donât want youâto be sorry.â Shuddering breaths and gasps still cleave your sentences in half, and Spencer listens so intently he thinks there might be harmonics hidden in the layers of your voice. He clings to every syllable like youâre wielding the word of god in a five-foot-something body. âI just miss you so mâmuch. I want you toâto love me.â
âI do,â he promises immediately, lips pressing to your ear. âI do love you. So much. So much.â
When you donât respond, heâs not exactly surprised. He almost asks what he can do, what you needâbut is quite sure thatâs not the right move. Instead he doesnât say a thing. Only holds you.
Later, youâll pull back and heâll swim in your teary gaze, and then kiss you. Heâll trace silent apologies into every inch of your skin under the torrent of the shower, and heâll do whatever it takes to make you understand. But for now, for the first time in months, youâre holding each other, and thatâs all either of you need. Â
#spencer reid#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid angst#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds#criminal minds fic
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âď¸Sons, Sons, and More Sons
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader Genre: Fluff/SMAU Summary: Ollie, Leo, Liam, who's next Oscar? Oh.
inspired by @pucksandpower đ
TAG LIST IS CLOSED
âCHARLES!â
The said Monegasque, who had been âinnocentlyâ snuggling his four-legged son, winced at the force and volume of your voice.Â
He was currently going through everything that might have upset you in the past 20 minutes from when he got home to you just now getting out of the shower. Did he leave the toilet seat up again? Or did he forget to sort the laundry? Or maybe he didnât clean up Leoâs toys from the bedroom?Â
âWhy is my Twitter blowing up?âÂ
Oh. Thatâs why.Â
He whispered to Leo, âIâm in for it now.âÂ
And then in a louder voice he yelled, âYes mon amour?âÂ
You rounded the corner of the hallway and stopped in the opening to the living room, crossing your arms. âCare to tell me why Iâm getting tagged in almost every Twitter post about you adopting Oscar?âÂ
You wanted to break at the puppy eyes that your boyfriend was currently giving you, but you needed to stay strong. You needed to show that a man could not sway your feelings. Too bad that man was Charles Leclerc, the one that men and women alike fell to worship the ground beneath his feet.Â
You couldnât break.Â
Charles brought his hand up to ruffle his hair, something he did to express some nervousness.Â
âCheri, it was just a joke. Oscar somehow finds heritage in a lot of countries. He just wanted to keep the joke going.âÂ
âSo you decided to âadoptâ him so he can have another home race?âÂ
âMaybe?âÂ
âDonât you already have enough sons anyway? I think four is too many or our house is going to overflow on family night.âÂ
Charlesâs eyebrows pinched in confusion. âFour?âÂ
Now it was your turn to smirk. âYes, four. Or are you too busy having fun with Leo to be a present father to your other two?âÂ
Charles tried to wrack his brain about who could be the other two.Â
âOllie?âÂ
âBingo.âÂ
He leaned back into the couch, hands still gently petting Leo who had decided to fall asleep in the middle of his parentâs squabbles. The golden puppy was content on his dadâs warm chest, the rise and fall rocking him to sleep.Â
The Ferrari driver sighed. âI donât even know.âÂ
You waved your phone at him. âTwitter might be able to help you. I need to get dressed since I was rudely interrupted. I hope you find out before they get here for dinner.âÂ
Charles shot up making Leo yelp away from his nap. Now that he was really looking at you, he realized that you were just in a towel. A blush formed on his face, still having those boyish thoughts that he believed he was better than that.Â
You walked over and bent down, face getting closer to his.Â
Ah. You were going to forgive him and all would be right in the world once your lips met his. You wanted to laugh as you saw his eyes flutter shut, lips slightly puckering.Â
Charles was wondering what was taking you so long when your finger touched his lips. His eyes shot open and he definitely did not whimper. You looked down at your fur-baby and gently picked him up, bringing Leo to your chest.Â
âTwitter. Figure it out Leclerc.âÂ
Now a bit sullen, he watched you walk away.Â
âJe tâaime!âÂ
He was responded to with a middle finger and the bedroom door slamming. A chuckle made its way from his chest as he brought his phone out. If there was one thing that you two did well, it was dramatics.Â
Twitter was immediately opened once he got his phone out. He scrolled through all the tags before giving up and opening your profile. He winced at the sight of the white background, cursing his phone for updating and not keeping the dark profile.Â
However, he couldnât contain his laugh as he saw your new updated tweet. He leaned his head back, still giggling to himself.Â
Charles knew that you two wanted kids at some point. But between his Formula 1 career and your business on the uprise, children really wouldnât work well now. But deep down, he liked the idea of having a few grid kids.Â
He took a minute to stop giggling before he continued his search. His eyes widened as he stopped on one of the family trees that some fan made.Â
There was Leo, adopted by you and him.Â
Then Ollie, who fans say that Charles conceived himself somehow.Â
Oscar was newer, but still had the adopted dotted line.Â
And then . . .Â
Ooohhhhhhh, so thatâs who he was missing.Â
You took that moment to come out of the bedroom, hair now dry and fluffy from your Dyson. Leo was still in your arms, looking more awake than he had when he was with Charles. You sat down next to him, Charles taking the opportunity to put an arm around you, bringing you in closer.Â
âYou smell good amour.âÂ
You turned and smiled, leaning in to finally give him a kiss after a long day.Â
âThank you. Itâs the lotion that you bought me.âÂ
He let out a low hum and just kept you in his arms. Leo was squirming a bit before he finally flopped over and settled in between your two bodies.Â
âI figured out who our other son is.âÂ
Your head now rested in the crook of his neck. âDid you now.âÂ
âYes. I am a stepfather to Liam?âÂ
Your shoulders shook with giggles. âNot the stepfather, but the father who stepped up.âÂ
âYou spend way too much on Twitter.âÂ
You looked up at him, and Charles turned to look down at you. You leaned in closer to rub your noses together, giving him eskimo kisses. The Ferrari driver just closed his eyes and basked in the moment between you.Â
There werenât many times that he got something like this. So quiet and peaceful. His world was filled with so much noise. But here, he could melt into the quiet.Â
âWe should have dinner here with the boys after the Grand Prix on Sunday.âÂ
âThat sounds nice. I can make the food.âÂ
You sat up slightly, elbow bent on the back of the couch and head resting on your hand.Â
âYou want to show off your cooking skills to your sons to prove that you can cook.â
Charles huffed. âI am the provider chĂŠri.âÂ
You cocked your head at the Monegasque. âWhose name is on the lease mon bebe?âÂ
A huff was the answer, which made you cuddle Charles closer still being aware of the little baby between you. A small nip to your fingertip made you pick Leo up, now holding him close to your face.Â
âWere you getting a bit jealous of papa ma petit amour?â you asked the blonde dachshund in a baby voice. If Charles wasnât already fully in love with you, his love would have been solidified in this moment.Â
While watching, he suddenly remembered something. âOscar wanted to meet Leo in McLaren hospitality this weekend.âÂ
You turned with a raised eyebrow. âWhy not Ferrari?âÂ
âEh.âÂ
It was as if you had a lightbulb moment. âOhhhhhhh, right. That makes sense. I can stop by and let you know when I get there.âÂ
What you hadnât expected was to pick up Liam and Ollie on your way to the now green outside of the McLaren hospitality. Leo was still curled up in your arms, eyes blinking every so often. You knew that if it wasnât so busy, the little puppy would be sound asleep.Â
âHeâs so cute,â Oscar said, walking forward and hands outstretched. You gently gave him over to the âolder brotherâ of the three.Â
Ollie laughed. âI know right. Heâs so cuddly.âÂ
Liam joined in, âI donât think I put him down the entire time I got to meet him.âÂ
Oscar stared at you three for a moment. âYeah, you arenât getting him back.âÂ
You shook your head. âSpeak to your father first, Oscar.âÂ
Chuckles erupted from all around, making you laugh as well. You took your phone out and took a quick picture of Oscar holding Leo to post later.Â
âIs dad on his way?â Ollie asked after sipping on his water bottle.Â
You rolled your eyes. âShould be. Ah, there he is.âÂ
Charles stepped foot into the room and immediately found you surrounded by his âkids.â His heart may have melted seeing Leo flopped in Oscarâs arms. He gave you a kiss on your cheeks before he greeted the three.Â
âThis is hilarious,â he said, making everyone laugh yet again.Â
You rested a hand on your forehead. âWeâre just missing Liamâs dad, and then weâll be one big happy family.âÂ
The Kiwi crossed his arms, but a giant smile was on his face. âSo much for having a present father in my life. Iâm jealous.âÂ
Charles gripped your waist and puffed his chest. âIâm not the stepfather, but the father that stepped up.âÂ
âCharles, no you arenât. Canât even handle three kids.âÂ
You and Charles turned around to see Max now stepping through the door. The Monegasque raised his eyebrow.Â
âAnd you can?âÂ
You raised a hand. âThatâs my que to leave. I will not be in the middle of a Lestappen-father showdown. Boys, you can follow me.âÂ
âYes mum.â
âLead the way.âÂ
âCan I still keep Leo?âÂ
Charles and Max gawked as the three older boys followed you like ducks in a row. After he got over the shock, the Ferrari driver was left with a love-sick smile on his face.Â
âYeah. Iâm marrying her.âÂ
âGross.âÂ
âMax. Shut up.âÂ
y/n_l/n has posted
liked by y/nismother, charles_leclerc, liamlawson, and 1,304,295 others y/n_l/n look at my sons . . . pride is not the word I'm looking for
see all comments
y/nismother the mother is mothering
charliexy/n honestly, they all take after him so much. I need to go to twitter
olliebearman then what is the word you're looking for mom đ¤¨
liamlawson30 I knew she wasn't proud of us
oscarpiastri this is why dad is better
y/n_l/n I'm taking away all of your sims and ps5's
olliebearman I take it back, mom is the best
oscarpiastri81 this is the best thing to happen this weekend
charles_leclerc my family đŤś
maxverstappen1 you stole my son from me.
liamlawson30 they had free ice cream đ¤ˇ
y/n_l/n đ
maxverstappen1 I'm taking pole then
charles_leclerc âšď¸
lestappenlove I love the entire family your honor
leclerc16charles does Leo need another sibling? cause I can bark
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#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc#dad Charles leclerc#not really#but he keeps adopting the grid#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1 x you#not the step father#but the father that stepped up#formula one x reader#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula one fanfiction#formula one x y/n#formula one x you#formula one imagine#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 smau#f1 smau#formula one smau#smau
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Their Habits â⥠LADS Scenarios
ââĄSummary: Everyone has habits, but not everyone enjoys having you point them out... ââĄTags: gender-neutral, pure fluff ââĄA/N: Silly thing I whipped up after being told I bounce my leg too much lolll â⥠masterlist
â⥠Zayne
Zayne squints so much without his glasses. He insists he only needs them when his eyes get tiredâbut clearlyâthat wasnât the case. âZayne, look!â You eagerly pointed out a flyer posted on the door of his favorite boba spot. They were hosting an event next weekend, it read, and encouraged customers not to miss out on the opportunity. You watched his hazel eyes sharpen into a squint.
âEventâŚ?â He still had trouble reading it, though, and absently tugged your clasped hands forward as he leaned in for a better look. After a few seconds, his eyebrows relaxed, and he hummed appreciatively, âTheyâre introducing new flavors. Perhaps we shouldâŚwhat?âÂ
You failed to conceal an amused smile. âYou need your glasses, old man.â The nickname was not received well, by any means.
âThe text is small.â He answered coolly, âThe average person would also have difficulty reading it.â Then he slipped his hand around your waist, eyes narrowing, âAnd Iâm not old.â
You couldnât help yourself, you laughed, âHave you considered contacts?â The look he gave you was deeply unamused, âNo, no, youâre right. You look cuter in glasses, anyway.â Zayne's ears tinted pink under your playful stare.Â
â...Letâs go inside before they close.â You pinched his flustered cheeks.
âAre you sure? The menu is so tiny. What if you canât read it and order the wrong thing?â Your mouth promptly shut after his grip on you tightened in a warning. Zayne remembered to bring his glasses on your next outing (and the one after that).
â⥠Sylus
Sylus hums nonsense when itâs too quiet. Itâs like he constantly needs to fill silences with some kind of noise. Even his humming is off-keyâŚ
âWhat song is that?âÂ
Sylus barely spared you a glance, âWhat song?â His fingers worked a microfiber cloth into the metal of his pistol.Â
âThe one you were just humming.â
He huffed, âDidnât realize I was humming, sweetie.â Then he removed the cloth to admire his handiwork, âDonât you recognize it?â
You almost felt bad for saying this but, â...No?â Sylus finally glanced up from his work to shoot you a look. A concerning one.
âReally? You had it on repeat all day, yesterday.â Horror dawned on you at the realization, âThe chorus has been stuck in my head since morningâŚâ And then a laugh sputtered from your lips.Â
âOh my god, that sounded nothing like it.â Sylus glared and returned his focus to his pistol with what you could only describe as a pout.Â
âWhat a picky kitten.â You bit your lip to stop the smile threatening to break loose. He was a god awful singer, but the room felt emptier without his noise. Gently, you padded over to where he sat, and invited yourself onto his lap. Despite his mood, a hand wrapped around your waist without hesitation.
âSing it again.â Sylusâ hold on you tightened, âI think I like your version better.â A soft chuckle left him, and quietly, he hummed once more.
â⥠Rafayel
Rafayel taps. All. The. Time. Taps his legs, hands, pens, pencils, anything and everything within reach. And heâll deny the hell out of it when you ask him to stop. âI wasnât doing anything,â The candies on his phone screen lit up and exploded with color as he scored another combo. Too engrossed in his phone to realize the arm slung around your shoulders was still tapping you. You leaned into him with a huff.
âYouâre doing it now.â
Rafayel gave you a sidelong glance, frowning, âI dunno what youâre talking about, cutie.â You suddenly captured his hand to still it, and Rafayel gave you the most scandalized look, âIf you wanna hold it that badly, Iâm not stopping you.â
âYouâre not even aware youâre doing it,â You blinked incredulously, âAre you?â
Rafayel threw his head back and groaned dramatically, âDoing whaaat?â Then he lifted his head to press his forehead against yours and huffed, âIs this your way of telling me to get off my phone?â
You couldnât help but laugh. âYou look like a fish up close like this.â Rafayel pulled away to roll his eyes and clicked his phone off.
âAlright, fine, you have my attention.â Then he began tapping his foot, âYou know, thatâs a little offensive to say to a Lemurian. You could get cancelled for that.â
Your hand drifted to his bouncing knee, and you watched as both your hand and his leg now jumped up and down. âYouâre doing it again.â
âDoing what?!â
â⥠Xavier
Xavier is always chewing on something, and it is almost always never gum. Itâll be something random, like a straw from a drink heâd long since finished. The strings of his hoodie, a toothpick. Once, it was a plastic tie. He reminded you of a teething puppy; heâd probably chew on wires if you left him alone long enough. Today, though, his chew toy of choice looked a lot likeâŚ
âXavier, is that my pen?âÂ
He blinked, eyes floating from his comic book to your frown, âYoursâŚ?â His jaw froze mid-chew.Â
âYeah,â You scooted closer on the couch, âthe one from my desk at work.âÂ
A blush crept along his cheekbones, but he didnât drop the pen like you expected him to, â...Are you sure?â
Your eyes fell to the pen trapped in the corner of his mouth, âThe one with little stars on it? Yeah, thatâs mine. I thought I lost it at work, why do you have it?â
The comic book shifted in his hands, âI found it, thatâs why.â This explanation would be more convincing if he hadnât shifted his gaze sideways. His blunt fingernails picked nervously at the corner of his book, curling the edges.
âXavier,â
âOkay, I borrowed it.â You bit back a chuckle, and he guiltily removed the pen from his mouth. It shined with his spit, and the cap bore teeth marks, âYou can have it back.â
You couldnât hide your grimace fast enough, â...Actually, you can keep it.â Xavier merely blinked before bringing the tip back to his mouth. Then a smile curved the corner of his lips.
âMy pen now, hm?â
#love and deepspace#lads#lnds#zayne x reader#sylus x reader#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x you#zayne x you#xavier x you#rafayel x you#lads rafayel#lads sylus#lads zayne#lads xavier#lnds rafayel#lnds sylus#lnds xavier#lnds zayne#love and deepspace rafayel#love and deepspace xavier#love and deepspace sylus#love and deepspace zayne#rafayel love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#xavier love and deepspace#xavier lads#sylus lads#zayne lads
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Ë ŕŁŞ Ř â ăâ SWEET TALK. featuring choso.
âť choso lives for one thing ; to make sure his precious girlfriend is never unsatisfied.
tags : cunniligus, dirty talk, body worship, male masturbation, overstimulation, squirting, fingering, mentions of face sitting, feral choso // wc. 0.7k
author's note : i lowkey wanna thank @toadtoru for sending in an ask about this before i even posted it, because i used some of those ideas to improve on this :3 in true homage to my username choso is a complete slut in this lolsies ;) one more to go and this event is finished, thanks for sticking around for THIS long i love everyone here >o<
this work is NSFW. minors and ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT.
if thereâs one thing CHOSO firmly believes in, itâs that you arenât just his girlfriend, but some supreme deity from heaven above. it sounds completely ridiculous, but he believes it more than anything, especially in moments like this.Â
you just look so beautiful above him on the couch, thighs parted slightly and fingers caressing the sensitive mound in between your legs, head tipped back and lips parted in a silent âoâ as your toes curl into the carpet. angelic, he thinks, and he canât wait to receive permission to touch you.
âchosoâŚâ your voice is smooth like butter yet sweet like caramel, and choso can feel his cock begin to press up against his slacks. âcâmere.â
yes. thatâs all he needs before heâs eagerly crawling in between your legs to lap at your cunt, fingers digging into the fat of your thighs as he pulls them apart in earnest. âshit⌠missed me, did she?â his rambles are fueled by pure lust and delusion, and as he eats you out, choso begins to talk into your cunt. âmissed her too⌠poor baby canât go too long without her sweet boyfriend, huhâŚâ
fingers tangle in his dark locks as you pull him closer, effectively muffling his ramblings by grinding your lower half on his tongue. the way he eats you out is feverish, his wet muscle alternating between your inflamed clit and pulsing hole interchangeably. and choso canât help himself from getting fired up by your lewd display too, his own hips grinding down onto the couch as he finds solace in between your legs.Â
you, on the other hand, are positively reeling, legs twitching uncontrollably as choso continues to make a mess of your poor cunt. you wish you could return to him the same pleasure tenfold, but all you can do is sit and take it, helpless to his ministrations. âcho, cho, âs too much, baby, s-slow downâŚâÂ
begging is futile. choso is hypnotised, his own eyes rolling into the back of his head in an immediate reflection of your own reaction. âsorry baby, canât, you taste sâgood, donât wannaâŚâ
neither of you are in your right mind, but choso especially. when you cry out from orgasm for the first time, he barely takes note, his tongue on your clit never letting up as he brings two fingers to the entrance of your weeping cunt. the other hand previously on your thigh is now shoved into his boxers, and heâs fisting himself just as quickly as his fingers begin to plow your pussy.Â
heâs killing you, but you love it. his brown eyes peek up in between your legs, and you just catch his expression, pupils dilated with lust as he watches you twitch above him. he mumbles something onto your clit before heâs licking and kissing it again, and you begin to think you might actually die.Â
âcâmon, baby,â he groans, hips thrusting forward into his palm as he continues to eat. âcâmon baby, gimme another oneâ fuck, please, pleaseâŚâ
âchoso, i canâtâŚâ you truly believe that, given the way heâs already on his way to giving you another orgasm in the short span of five minutes. but he needs it so bad, needs you to cum for him so bad that he speeds up, thumb now joining his tongue to stimulate your clit in unison. âchoso!â
âthatâs it, baby, thatâs it, oh, sheâs close, isnât she?â you can barely believe that heâs treating your pussy like its own person, but fuck is it turning you on. you hiccup pitiful whimpers as your thighs begin to tremble again, knees closing inwards and trapping chosoâs head in between your legs.
if he were to die in this position, he wouldnât mind. your release sprays his lips in repeated spurts, juices dribbling down his chin and some even dripping onto the flared head of his cock. itâs that which tips choso over the edge, and heâs spurting ropes onto the carpet, his own eyes finding the back of his head rapidly as his nose jerks against your clit.
âbabyâŚâ he stares down at the mess heâs made on the floor and then back at you, whoâs laying spread eagle on the couch, chest rapidly rising and falling. âyou gotta sit on my face next time.â
PREVIOUS : SURVIVAL ft. sniper mask NEXT : INKED ft. suguru geto
liked that? check out the WEâRE SO BACK main masterlist.
Š choslut 2024 â do not copy, repost or translate my works without permission.
#jujutsu kaisen#choso kamo#choso#jujutsu kaisen x reader#choso x reader#choso kamo x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#choso smut#choso kamo smut
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PLEASE, LOVE ME. PT2
simon riley / reader
FIND PART ONE || read the full thing on ao3
tags: childhood friends, friends2lovers, virgin!reader, soft!simon, protective!simon, afab!reader, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, MDNI
cw: reader is over 20, pining, masturbation (reader), loss of virginity, explicit workplace sexual harassment/assault, so much crying, one-sided love, not-really-unrequited love, vomiting, panic attacks, depression, crying, sex related shame, PTSD (reader), codependency but cute, self-deprecating thoughts, slut shaming, wet dream, dry humping, simon fucks up tho, reference to suicide & suicidal ideation, really nasty argument, reader hits simon sorry, apologizes tho!!!, reader struggles to orgasm, drinking, fooling around while drunk (no sex), breast play, fingering, orgasm denial, simon's a tease, p-in-v, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, creampie, mating press, missionary, simon's dirty mouth, dirty talk, wet&messy, big cock, uncut simon bc i said so, reassurance & encouragement, some pain upon penetration, clit spanking, post-coital crying!!!!!!, aftercare, briefly edited so apologies for any lingering mistakes
note: this is part two and contains the gratuitous smut portion ur all looking forward to <3
you've loved him since you were children. after a confession when you were 14 went rejected, you vowed to never let your feelings be known again. but after an incident that left you hurt and fragile, you find it hard to keep that promise.
PART 2: 17.9k total: 35.8k
Things seem to get much better between you. Your anger and resentment towards Simon diminishes significantly and you can finally say you feel comfortable around him again. You wouldnât say youâve forgotten everything that happened, you fear that the entire ordeal has left its scar on you.Â
But you finally feel ready to truly begin to work on yourself and get to a better place mentally.Â
Youâre humming to yourself as you dust the surfaces in your living room, cringing in disgust when you see how dusty a particular shelf was.Â
Just as you go to give it another swipe, your front door opens and Simon stumbles in, huffing from effort as he carries two armfuls of groceries.Â
âSimon!â you cry out, watching with wide eyes from the stepstool you stood on as he ungracefully dropped them on the floor, âWhy did you bring them all up here like that?â
âDidnât wanna make another trip,â he explained lamely, flexing his hands as he looked over all the bags.
âOkay, I guess,â you chuckle softly.Â
Simon finally looks up at you, âWhat are you doing?â
âCleaning,â you shrug, waving the duster at him, âI havenât felt like doing it until now so might as well get it done when I feel like it!â
Heâs quiet for a moment before he steps over the bags of groceries.His boots thunk heavily on the floor as he approaches you. Suddenly, he wraps an arm around your middle. You squeak in surprise when he very carefully and gently pulls you off of the stool and places you back onto your feet.Â
Then he walks away like nothing happened, snatching up a couple groceries up from the floor to take to the kitchen.Â
You decide not to comment on his behavior and simply choose to grab a couple of bags and help him out. When you get inside the kitchen, heâs already stuffing things into the refrigerator. You place the bags down and go back to pick some more up, transferring all the bags of groceries near him so he can easily put them away.Â
You notice one of the bags has some piping, lightbulbs, wires, and other things you canât identify.Â
âWhatâs all this?â you ask, holding the bag out to him when he turns to look.
He grunts, closing the fridge, âGonna fix some shit around here.â
âWhy?â you ask, scrunching your nose up as you place the bag on the counter.
âShithole needs it,â he mumbles, moving to start opening the cabinets, âSince you refuse to let me move you out of this place, Iâm gonna make sure it at least functions.â
You hum and nod your head. Simon had attempted to convince you to move out and into an apartment of his own choosing but you flat out refused. He was already paying the rent on this place, you werenât going to let him spend more money for a different place â because you know Simon would choose somewhere that would cost a lot more than your current flat.Â
But you couldnât deny, the idea of Simon doing a little manual labor around the apartment made your heart flutter in your chest. The way he took care of you and was willing to get his hands dirty just to make sure you were comfortable. The little domestic tasks you could imagine him doing.Â
It almost felt like something a husband would do.Â
You felt your cheeks flush immediately at the train of thought. How embarrassing and juvenile to think something like that
âI can cook dinner!â you mumble after clearing your throat.Â
Simon actually has the audacity to laugh. You frown as he shakes his head, closing the cabinet before turning to you.Â
âAbsolutely not,â he says.
Your jaw drops, âWhy?!â
âBecause,â he steps closer, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before breezing past you, âYouâre a terrible cook, love.â
You open your mouth to retort but can only huff. Because heâs right. The last time you tried to make dinner for the two of you, you had confused cayenne with cinnamon and made the most diabolical stew known to man. He vowed to never let you cook anything that required more than boiling water since.Â
You pout your way back to the living room, mumbling a petulant, âFineâŚâ as you went.
You didnât catch the broad grin on Simonâs face as he watched you sulk away. He was just happy to see your vibrance returning before his very eyes.
True to his word, however, he began to do some random odd jobs around the apartment. He changed that damn leaky faucet in the kitchen first. He would never admit it but it was beginning to drive him completely mad. He swore he could hear it dripping into the metal sink basin in his dreams.
Then he fixed the piping in the bathroom so they would stop all that god-awful clanking that practically woke up the entire complex. But after that, he figured he might as well fix the piping under the sinks as well.
Thatâs when you saw him. On his back, big body sprawled out as he worked underneath the cabinet, wrench in hand and soft grunts of effort coming from him. His t-shirt rose up just a bit, exposing a small stretch of tummy and his happy trail. Every once in a while, you could see his muscles flex and it made your mouth go completely dry.Â
You felt like a Victorian man seeing his first ankle on a woman. Ridiculous.Â
Sure, youâd seen Simon shirtless countless times â hell, you walked in on him completely naked once or twice. But there was something particularlyâŚdelicious about him like this. Unaware, casual, just doing work.Â
It made a swell of heat settle in your abdomen. You squeezed your thighs together as you watched him. His biceps flexed and bulged, making the sleeve of his t-shirt grow taut around his skin. His muscles moved underneath the tattoos inked into his skin.Â
You dragged your eyes down his body, past his pecs, past the sliver of tummy. You imagined yourself crawling between those thick thighs and unbuckling his belt, tugging at the button of his jeans. You imagined getting to see his cock chub up inside his boxers before you would pull it out and wrap your lips around the leaking tip.Â
Salty, you imagine. Youâve always heard that menâs cum and pre-cum would be salty. Would Simonâs taste as bad as some of your friends had told you back in highschool? You hoped not. You couldnât imagine not enjoying every part of him â even his cum.
You wanted him to shoot in your mouth, let you taste it. You wanted to milk it out of him, give him no choice but to cum down your throat.
âAre you just going to stand there or do you need something?â his voice startled you out of your thoughts.
Wide eyed, you looked to meet his gaze but you found he wasnât even looking at you, still staring at the piped overhead.
âUm,â you cleared your throat, floundering for an excuse as to why you were ogling him like a piece of meat, âI didnât want to interrupt you. I-I was just wanting to make sure the shower was okay to use?â
He grunts, letting out a soft sigh before pushing himself out from under the sink, closing the cabinet before wiping his brow with the back of his hand, âYeah, go ahead and shower, love.â
You give him a tight-lipped smile, casting one last glance to see that his t-shirt had fallen back into place. Disappointing.Â
You trudge out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. Softly, you close the door and turn on the shower. The pipes donât clang when the water shoots through them. It brings a smile to your face.
Once youâre stripped and standing under the warm spray, you let your hands wander your body. First, you cup your breasts, watching your nipples harden under your own touch before you slide one hand between your thighs. Thereâs a slickness between your folds that's distinctly different from the water, itâs slippery and sticky. But it makes your touch against your clit easy.Â
You bite your lips to keep quiet, scared to death that Simon could hear you from under the sound of the water. You make quick, tight little circles against your clit. The bud is hard and twitches under your fingers. It makes the breath stutter out of your chest.Â
You need more room, you realize, hiking your foot up onto a shelf. It spreads you open just a little more, gives you a little more access for your fingers to play. You sigh, head tipping forward to watch as you circle your own clit.Â
But the more you touch yourself, the faster that tingling, warm sensation dissipates. You huff through your clenched teeth, frustrated.Â
Usually, you could at least feel the beginning of that peak forming but this timeâŚnot even close. So you shamefully close your legs and go about your shower as if nothing happened, taking care to wash the slick from between your thighs especially.
As you lay in bed that night, Simon breathing deeply beside you as he slept, you were lost in thought.Â
Surely, you were in the wrong for thinking about Simon like that â for getting wet at the sight of him. And then sleeping soundly next to him as if you werenât some kind of pervert. Maybe you should just confess and apologize to him.Â
No. You quickly admonish that thought, glancing over at his prone form. You couldnât bear to see him be disgusted by you. Heâd already rejected you years ago, finalized it and put the nail in the coffin so you would never be dumb enough to do it again.Â
What would he do if he found out about yourâŚattraction to him? He practically lived with you now, after everything happened. He was in your flat more than he was on base now. It was only a matter of time before he caught you with your hands dancing in your pants.Â
Your cheeks flushed at the idea. Part of you thought it hot â for him to find you needy like that, desperately playing with your clit as you try to make yourself cum.Â
But on the other hand, you could see the wrinkle of disgust in his brow and sneer on his face as he walked away. That outcome was not worth it, you decided.Â
With a sigh, you rolled over so your back faced Simon and closed your eyes for the night.Â
You both should have known better that the fragile peacefulness between the two of you was just that â fragile, balancing on a delicate precipice that could shatter at any moment.Â
The ring of his phone was the break.Â
âAnswer that for me, love!â he called from the kitchen where he was busy preparing dinner.Â
You leaned forward to check the number. It wasnât in his contacts but Simon never got calls from people unless he knew them. So you slowly slid the button over and accepted the call.Â
âHello?â you mumbled into the phone.
There was a beat of silence before a womanâs voice responded in kind, âHello?â
âUmâŚâ you swallowed down the apprehension that settled in your chest, casting a glance towards Simonâs back as he stood over the stove, âWho may I ask is calling?â
âIâm looking for Simon,â she said, sounding much more coy than a second ago. She knew his real name and that irked you. People from work always referred to him as Ghost, only those he considered trustworthy or friends were privy to calling him Simon.Â
âUm, heâs busy at the moment, can I take a message?â you ask, loud enough for Simon to hear in the kitchen if he was interested in intervening. But he didnât move.Â
âSure!â she giggled, âTell him that Victoria really wants to see him again and to call me so we can!â
You swallowed around the lump in your throat, âY-Yeah, sure. Iâll let him knowâŚâ
âThank you,â she cooed in a sultry tone, âOh! And tell him I really had a great time last time we were together and that Iâm looking forward to a repeat performance.â
âYeah. Iâll do that,â you assured, hoping you didnât sound as tense as you felt.Â
She giggled before the call disconnected and you were left glaring at his stupid stock phone wallpaper.
âWho was it?â Simon comes to the archway of the kitchen, leaning against the wall. You canât hear anything cooking anymore so you assume heâs finished dinner.
âVictoria,â you spit the name out like itâs poisonous, âSays she wants to see you again and she had a fantastic time with you last time.â
Simon shifts where he stands, looking down at his feet before looking back up to you, âAlright. Iâll call her back later.â
That sends knives straight through your heart. It aches so badly that you want to bite your own tongue off to make it stop.Â
Jealousy, you realize. Youâre fucking jealous. Some girl calls and asks for his dick and he just says okay?Â
Heâs not yours, you tell yourself. He can fuck whoever he wants.Â
But that does nothing to quell the inferno raging inside you.Â
Thereâs other feelings brewing inside you; rejection, fear, loss.
You feel bitter that youâre right there and he would still never choose you. Heâll always choose someone else because he doesnât see you like that. It feels like heâs throwing it in your face, just spitting at you to show you that he doesnât love you like you love him. He never has and he never will. Youâll never be an option to him because he doesnât want you.
Then youâre scared heâs going to leave you. Heâs going to go to this Victoria chick and leave you all alone so he can get his dick wet again. Just like last time. Maybe heâll like it so much he wants to stay with her. Maybe heâs going to leave you behind so he can start a new, happy life without having to worry about the dead weight thatâs been dragging him down since he was 8. You. His responsibility. His problem.Â
Youâre so scared that heâs going to be ripped from your grasp. That youâre going to lose him to someone else and itâs going to be you and your pathetic one-sided love for the rest of your life. Fuck, youâve loved him since you were 4. Youâve loved him for so long that it makes you nauseous to think about. How many people loved one person for this long?Â
Please, you wanted to cry to him, please love me.Â
Please, just love me back.
âSo youâre gonna go then?â you finally find your voice, bitterness and resentment thick in your tone, âYouâre gonna leave me to go to a booty call again?â
He stands up straight at that. Arms cross over his chest, he watches that way you glare at him, heated and teary-eyed. Hurt.Â
He knew you still werenât over the way he left you that time â when you needed him the most. Youâd been ignoring the residual hurt that lingered, intent on pretending that everything was fine. He had been doing his best to make up for it but it always felt like one step forward and two steps back with you.Â
âIâm not going anywhere,â he assures softly, âIâll call her back to tell her that it wonât happen.â
He tries his best to remain level-headed and soft, to be reassuring like he knows you need. But your expression doesnât change. You continue to glare at him with that furious, hurt look in your eyes.Â
Suddenly, you stand.Â
âI donât believe you,â you hiss, turning your back to him, storming down the hallway.Â
He almost winces when he hears how hard you slam the bedroom door. He thinks about going back there to talk to you but decides against it. You need some space to calm yourself down.Â
He eats the dinner he made for both of you alone, putting your half in the fridge for later. He goes about the apartment, locking the door and turning out all the lights. Then he gets to the bedroom door and goes to turn the knob and it doesnât budge.Â
Despite himself, he laughs. He jiggles the knob, jerks the door a little harder like itâll open with a bit of force. And it might, itâs a flimsy ass door if heâs being honest â heâs forced bigger and heavier doors open before.Â
He snaps your name, humor gone from his voice. You donât answer.Â
âOpen the damn door,â he snaps, trying the knob again. He gets silence in return so he slams his fist against the surface. The sound is loud enough that it makes his own ears ring, âI said open the door. Iâm not playinâ this game with you, sweetheart.â
âSleep on the couch, Simon!â he hears your wobbly voice call back. Of course youâre in there crying, he thinks.
âIâm not sleepinâ on the fuckinâ couch,â he hisses, leaning his forearm against the door, resting his head against it with a sigh, âOpen the door and letâs talk.â
âDonât wanna talk to you,â you whine, bratty as all hell. He would have laughed if he wasnât so damn pissed, âWhy donât you go sleep with Victoria since you like her so much.â
You donât know why you say that last part. You donât want him to go to her, you donât want him to go anywhere. The thought of it brings more tears to your eyes.Â
Simon is silent on the other side of the door for a long while. You almost think he walked away and succumbed to the couch. You wouldnât actually let him sleep on that awful thing, of course. You justâŚyou donât know what the end goal here is, if youâre honest.
âFine,â he finally spits, âIf thatâs what you want, Iâll fuck off and find Victoria.â
You hear the floorboards creak under his weight as he walks away. You sit up straight in bed at that, eyes wide as you listen to him stalk through the house. You swear you hear the jingle of his keys and thatâs what has you lurching out of bed in a panic.
You almost trip over the sheets as they tangle around your legs but you manage to free yourself and wrench the door open.
âSimon!â you practically shriek, rounding the corner of the hallway to find him standing with his back to you, facing the door.
Heâs got his hoodie and mask on, boots firmly on his feet and keys in hand. He stands still, back straight as his shoulders rise and fall with his breathing. But he waits.
âDonât go,â you find yourself whimpering, ââM sorry. Come to bed, okay?â
He doesnât move and that makes your heart pound in your chest. You know heâs pissed, can see it in the way his fists stay clenched at his sides. His fingers twitch and he makes a move for the doorknob and you surge forward, wrapping yourself around his other arm, yanking him away from the door as hard as you can.Â
He lets your weight knock him off balance, lets you drag him away from the door. He lets you tug him down the hallway, sniffling and crying as you do.Â
âJ-JustâŚâ you find yourself frantically tugging his mask off, tossing it away before you rip the hem of his hoodie up. He doesnât help you or fight you as you try to take it off of him. He just stares blankly at you, like heâs assessing you. You hate it. âG-Get ready for bed, okay? JustâŚwe can go to sleep.â
âWhy do you make this so fuckinâ hard for me?â he finally breaks his silence, the question cold and calculating. Like heâs tired. Exhausted, âI keep tryinâ to make it up to you. But every time something goes wrong, you throw everything back in my face and you act like you hate me again. I canât keepâŚâ he trails off, shaking his head before he sits at the foot of the bed, hands clasped together and head hanging between his shoulders.
âI love you,â you blurt out, a sob breaking out of your lips as you do. Simon doesnât move. Your hands cover your eyes, as if being blind to his reaction will make the rejection hurt less, âI love you and i-it just keeps messing me up inside. Iâm sorry.â
âYou love me?â he asks, still no emotion in his voice.Â
When you peek at him, heâs in the same position as before, hands clasped, elbows on his knees, head bowed. You have no idea what expression heâs wearing and youâre scared to find out.
âYes,â you hiccup, sniffling softly, âIâm sorry.â
âWhy are you apologizing?â he asks softly, almost solemnly.
âI promised,â you cry, another choked sob escaping you.Â
âPromised..?â he doesnât sound cold anymore, just confused, âThe fuckâre you talkinâ about?â
âW-When I was 14,â you whimper, shame filling you as you recall your now-broken promise, âI-I told you I liked you and you said you didnât feel the same. You told me to never bring it up again and I promised I wouldnât. B-ButâŚâ you sobbed again, stopping yourself from finishing the sentence.
âFuckinâ hellâŚâ he breathes, bringing his hands to his face, scrubbing them up and down vigorously in a way that looks like it hurts. Then he laughs.Â
He fucking laughs.Â
Itâs like your worst fears come to light. Heâs laughing at you, at your confession. At your feelings. A fresh wave of tears fill your eyes and fall down your cheeks. You bite your lips to keep from making your sobs audible anymore. You didnât want him to laugh at that too. You hang your head, wringing your hands together behind your back anxiously as Simon quiets down.Â
âShit,â he breathes, getting to his feet. He stands before you, cupping your cheeks and forcing you to look at him. He frowns when he sees the utter despair on your face, the heartbreak in your eyes, âNo, baby. No, no. I wasnât laughinâ at you.â
Baby. You catch onto it. Heâs never called you that before.Â
You dash the spark of hope that it causes.Â
He rubs his thumbs under your eyes, wiping the tears away.Â
Then, he leans forward and slots his lips against yours.Â
Itâs like fireworks explode in your chest. Your heart races so fast that you feel lightheaded. You canât even respond to the kiss in time before he pulls away, your mind is moving too fast for you to process any meaningful thought. But he kissed you.Â
Simon kissed you.
âWhat?â you finally manage to whisper, looking up with wide, shocked eyes, âWhy did you..?â
He looks confused for a second, still cupping your cheeks as he looks into your watery eyes, âYou really have no idea?â Your brows furrow immediately and you shake your head, âHow I feel about you?â
âYou feel..?â you dumbly repeat.Â
He smiles softly, thumb rubbing softly over your cheekbone, âYou really think I donât feel the same?â
âB-But whenâŚwhen we were kids IâŚâ you stumble over your words, the truth youâve believed this entire time seemingly false, âYou s-said you didnât feel the same.â
âJesus, love,â he huffs softly in disbelief, âYou were fourteen. I was seventeen. You were way too fuckinâ young for me, it wouldnât have been right.â
âB-But thenâŚâ you stutter, reaching up to wipe your cheek, âWhen did you..?â
He shrugs, âNot sure exactly. Suppose sometime after you turned 20 was when I realized I felt somethinâ for you.â
âSo you reallyâŚâ you whisper, snagging your hands into his hoodie to pull him close, âYou reallyâŚI meanâŚâ
âLove you?â he smiles softly, âOf course I do.â
You lean forward and press your lips to his. He hums, wrapping one strong arm around your middle to pull you even closer. His lips work magically over yours, taking control of the kiss with ease. You easily melt into it, following his lead. Itâs not as easy as you thought it would be and you hope Simon doesnât notice.Â
But he does, of course he does.Â
He pulls away and smooths the palm of his hand down your cheek before it comes to rest on your jaw. His thumb slides over your bottom lip and he hums.
âYou ever kissed before?â he asks, voice calm and level with no teasing to it at all.
Still, heat explodes all over your face. Embarrassment overrides the euphoria of your requited feelings. You try to pull away but Simonâs much stronger and he wonât let go unless he wants to.Â
âHey, donât run,â he coos softly, turning your face to look back up at him, âI was just askinâ.â
âNo,â you mumble, still burning with embarrassment, âI-Iâve only ever liked you soâŚâ
âFuckinâ hellâŚâ he whispers, letting you step back just a bit so he can look over you, âIs that right?â
âYou should know that,â you mumble, feeling small under his scrutiny, âYou know everything about me.â
âDidnât think datinâ history was somethinâ you felt like sharinâ,â he shrugged off.
âWell, now you know,â you mutter, your gaze glued to the floor.
âThat I do,â he hums in agreement, reaching out to brush a hand down the length of your arm.Â
A soft, quietness falls over the two of you. Youâre not sure what to do and it seems heâs content where he is. Heâs watching you, tracking every little shift and fidget you make until he finally seems to take pity on you.
âLetâs get to bed,â he says softly, giving you a soft nudge towards the bed.Â
You take the opportunity to dive into bed, yanking the blanket over you as Simon strips himself out of his boots and hoodie. You go to look away as he yanks his belt free with practiced hands but you canât seem to. He slips the belt out of the loops and drops it on the dresser before unbuttoning his jeans and slipping them off.Â
Your mouth waters at the sight of him in a tight pair of navy boxer-briefs slung low on his hips. You can make out the shape of hisâ
âEnjoyinâ the view?â he mumbles half-heartedly as he turns to root through the dresser to find some sweatpants.Â
âSorryâŚâ you mutter shamefully at being caught.Â
He chuckles under his breath, pulling the sweats on before he rounds to his side of the bed and drops onto the mattress, âNothinâ to be sorry about.â
He leans over you and turns out the tableside lamp. Then he settles into his pillow with a soft sigh.
âSi..?â you whisper.
âYeah?â you can hear the smile in his voice.
âAre we umâŚâ you clear your throat, âI mean likeâŚare weâŚtogether now..?â
You feel him roll over and toss his arms around you. You squeak when he tugs you towards him roughly, securing you against his chest before he kisses the top of your head.
âDo you want to be together?â he asks, muffled by his lips pressed against you.Â
âYes,â you whisper quickly, wrapping yourself around him almost possessively.
He tilts your head up and carefully slots his mouth over yours again. You sigh happily at the feeling.Â
You notice that he keeps it a lot slower than he had before, moving his lips carefully against yours. Like heâs trying to make it easier for you to keep up. It makes your cheeks flush again but you sink into the pillow and let him kiss all he wants as you do your best to match his movements.Â
His body shifts, torso hovering over you as he rests his weight on his elbows on either side of your head. Your hands rest against his shoulders and simply get lost in the kiss.Â
After a moment, he deepens the kiss, sinking into you with his chest pressed against yours. You whimper and wrap your arms around his neck, carding your fingers through his cropped hair.Â
One of his hands moves, coming to grip your waist, fingers sliding up the hem of your shirt. Itâs like a dream come true. Literally.Â
All those nights you spent with your hand between your thighs, thinking of him. Thinking of him touching you like this â with his hand sliding your shirt up a little further every second. You even feel that familiar wetness soaking your panties.
Then why was your heart racing from anxiety instead of excitement? Why did you feel a fearful tremble setting in your thighs, as if your knees would be knocking together if you were standing. Why were you scared?
Before you can stop yourself, youâre shoving your hands against his chest with a weak, âNo!â
Simon is off of you in seconds but you can feel his gaze on you in the darkness. You struggle to catch your breath as you lay there, heart pounding in your ears. Your head hurts, you realize with a wince.
âUmâŚâ you find yourself attempting to appease him, âI-I donâtâŚIâm sorry, IâŚâ
âItâs alright,â he whispers sincerely, settling down into bed with a content hum, âNothinâ to worry about, love.â
You scoot closer to him and hesitantly place your head on his chest. Simonâs arm wraps around your back and tucks you even more snug against him. You close your eyes and will yourself to relax and sleep as you feel Simonâs comforting hand rubbing your back.Â
Neither of you talk about it in the morning. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. You donât bring it up, even though you want to, and Simon doesnât try touching you like that again. Part of you wants him to, youâve been dreaming about his touch for years but once you finally get it, you freak out?
You canât stop beating yourself up over it.Â
But then you think about the anxiety that it had caused. The apprehension. How uncomfortable it felt â how you wanted his hands off of you.Â
You sighed, flopping onto your side on the couch where you sat. Your mind was buzzing annoyingly from your thoughts.Â
Regardless of your problems, you were happier than ever with him. He was finally yours. Wholly and truly yours. It was bliss.Â
âGot a call,â Simon says, snapping you out of your daze, âGotta leave.â
That makes you sit up, âLeave?â
You finally notice that heâs got his bag packed â the one he only takes when heâs getting deployed. Youâre on your feet in seconds, following him to the door. Heâs wearing his skull balaclava so all you can see are his eyes â sad, apologetic.
âH-How long?â you ask, unable to ignore the ache in your chest as you watch him.
âFew weeks, probably,â he mutters, placing the bag down so he can tuck his feet into his boots.
He straightens up with a grunt before turning to you. He sighs, gloved hands cupping your cheeks when he sees how sad you look â like a kicked puppy. You wish you could feel his bare hands on you but canât find it in you to ask.Â
âI donât want you to go,â you find yourself mumbling.
Itâs selfish and even a bit cruel of you to voice that desire. Simonâs thumb strokes your cheek in that sweet way he always does and you melt into him. He lets you thump your head against his chest as you suppress your cries, biting your lip so you can keep your tears at bay.Â
âI know,â he softly whispers, stroking your back as you cling to him, âI know, but I have to.â
âI know,â you mumble, finally looking up at him. You know your eyes are glassy and you make sure to blink back the tears so they never overflow, âJust be safe and come home, okay?â
He lifts his mask up just enough to expose his lips before he leans down to kiss you. Itâs a whole body experience this time. He clutches you against him like his life depends on it, gloved hands fiercely gripping the back of your t-shirt. His lips move smoothly against yours, hand coming up to cup your jaw so he can tilt your head and pull you even deeper into his kiss. He pulls away when he needs to breathe, smiling when he sees the dazed, lovesick expression on your face. He tugs his mask down and lets you go but you stay as close to him as possible.Â
âMake sure you stay warm,â he coos, âGonna start gettinâ real cold in a couple days.â
âI will, Si,â you assure him.
âLeft some cash for you to do your shoppinâ,â he adds, âI know youâre a shit cook but I left a list of some easy recipes. Donât burn the flat down.â
You snort and playfully smack his shoulder, âIâll just buy some cup noodles in that case.â
He rolls his eyes, pinching your side to make you gasp from the ticklish feeling, âDonât even think about it.â
Your grin falters when his phone makes that obnoxious beeping noise that lets you know itâs something urgent. He sighs, the tranquil happiness between you two broken immediately. He kisses your forehead through his mask and pulls the front door open.
âKeep this locked,â he mutters, stepping past the threshold, âIâll be home soon.â
He closes the door and youâre left with an emptiness that overcomes you. Youâve always been scared for him when he has to go off on missions â you know that his job is extremely dangerous and he could lose his life at any moment. That thought alone makes a nauseous pit settle in your stomach. You push down the feeling of bile rising in the back of your throat and click the lock on the door with a sigh before you go about your day, trying your best to keep your mind off of him and where he might be in the world.Â
True to his word, however, the temperature drops bitterly cold within 2 days after he leaves. There had already been a chill in the air that drove you to turn the heating on just a bit but now it was full blast. But now, it was dipping to freezing and you were anticipating the arrival of snow soon enough as well.Â
You wake up one morning, however, and your apartment is bitterly cold. You sit up, confused before climbing out of bed. Your feet are immediately freezing as you step onto the floor. You hiss, wrapping your arms around yourself as you stumble over to the radiator in your room. You touch it and find absolutely no heat emanating from it.Â
All the radiators are the same. Absolutely no heat.Â
You curse, realizing you have no idea what youâre supposed to do. You curl up on the couch under a heavy throw blanket as you type with bitterly cold fingers into Google, looking for anything that can help you. But itâs to no avail. You canât understand a thing.Â
Your next thought is to call the building manager but you know thatâs pointless. The useless man never actually helps with any work for his tenants.Â
Thereâs no way in hell that you can afford to call someone to come and fix the problem. You have money for groceries but if you spent that you wouldnât have anything to eat. You sigh, resolving yourself to bundling up and trying to stay as warm as you can.Â
You pile all the blankets you have into bed and pick out only your thickest, warmest sweaters.Â
This is going to be miserable, you think.Â
The snow comes just a short week later and it feels even colder. You venture out of your flat to go to the grocery store, picking up ingredients for the dishes Simon wrote down for you and also some cans of soup that you can cook to stay warm. You also throw some boxes of tea and some hot chocolate in with it, figuring why not. Warm drinks will help.Â
Itâs almost 3 weeks of living like that. Itâs miserable and makes your bones ache from how stiff the cold makes you feel. You make sure to eat nice, hot food to keep yourself warm and make frequent cups of warm drinks so you can keep your hands warm for as long as you can. You do your best.Â
The worst is showers, though. When youâre standing under the blisteringly hot spray, itâs bliss. But the second you step out and your wet body is hit with the freezing air, you couldnât have felt more miserable.Â
The night Simon walks through the door, he finds you bundled up on the couch sipping a cup of hot chocolate.Â
âSimon!â you gasp excitedly, tossing the blankets off to take a running leap at him.Â
He huffs contentedly when he catches you in his arms, letting you embrace him for as long as you need. He strips his mask off and brings you in for a delicate kiss.
âLet me wash up,â he mumbles, stalking through the apartment.
âUm, before you do, Si,â you catch him at the entrance to the hallway. He turns to you and looks at you with a brow raised, âThe umâŚheating is broken soâŚjust letting you know when you come out of the shower itâs gonna suck.â
âAinât nothinâ I havenât dealt with before,â he mutters and pauses, âThe fuck you mean itâs broken?â
âHeating cut off a few weeks agoâŚâ you shrug, wrapping your arms around yourself as you start to feel the cold creep in again.
âA few weeks ago?â he hisses, running a stressed hand through his hair, âFuckinâ hell. You didnât call someone to fix it?â
You pout as he raises his voice, clearly frustrated, âI couldnât afford it, Si! I had the money you gave me for food but I wasnât gonna spend that to get the heating fixed. You know the building manager is a piece of shit, not like he was gonna call someone.â
He sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, seemingly thinking something over. Then he turns on his heel and storms into the bathroom, slamming the door.
âIâm sorry, Simon!â you call through the door, âI didnât know what else to do! Please, donât be mad.â
The shower turns on and all you can do is look up and sigh in exasperation. The second heâs home and heâs already pissed at you.Â
You sulk over to the couch and flop down, tossing your blankets over you as you grab your mug. The hot chocolate is still warm but not as hot as it was. Itâll have to do.
Simon comes out of the shower, gets dressed warmly, and joins you in the living room. He doesnât even look at you as he makes a move for his bag that he left by the door. You almost think heâs going to scoop the bag up and storm out the door. You sit up, ready to stop him but instead, he stoops down and zips it open. He pulls out his wallet and approaches you.Â
âWhat are you doing?â you mumble, watching him flip the thing open.
Itâs old and worn, a simple black leather wallet. Heâs had it for as long as you could remember and youâve put the poor thing through the washer and dryer so many times that youâre shocked it's still intact.Â
He pulls out a bank card and promptly hands it to you. Your brain stutters to a stop as you look at it.
âTake it, fuck sake,â he mutters. He sounds annoyed but the way he looks away and his ears turn pink you can tell heâsâŚshy.Â
Simon Riley is fucking shy right now.
You take the bank card out of his hand and look at it, flipping over in your hands, âWhy are you giving this to me?â
âSo you can use it,â he mumbles, slamming his wallet shut and tossing it onto the table, âThat way, in case anything happens you can withdraw from my account for what you need. If an emergency happens and Iâm not around, use it.â
âSimonâŚâ you mumble, looking up at him, âAre you sure..?â
âCourse Iâm sure,â he scoffs, taking a seat beside you before softly rattling off four digits.
âHuh?â you dumbly ask.
âItâs my pin,â he responds, grabbing one of the blankets you have piled on the couch and tossing it on his lap.
âThatâs my birthdayâŚâ you say softly as you repeat the numbers over and over in your head, âYour bank pin is my birthday?â
He snatches the remote up from the table and turns the TV on without another word. But you can see how pink the tips of his ears are. It makes you beam and before you know it, youâre curling snugly into his side.Â
âLove you, Si,â you whisper, earning a kiss to the top of your head in response.
Simon calls the next morning to have someone come by and fix the damn heating. You listen to the man rattle off some information to Simon about what the problem was but it makes virtually no sense to you so you resolve yourself to sitting on the couch and waiting until itâs warm again.Â
But even when itâs nice and toasty inside, you still plaster yourself to Simonâs side, snuggling as close to him as you possibly can.
âI want you to meet my team,â Simon says one morning while heâs making some eggs.Â
Youâre standing by the toaster, waiting for it to pop up but his words make you turn to him, âYou mean 141?â
âWho else?â he huffs, flipping one of the eggs. It sizzles loudly in the pan, âThey wanted me to go out with them tonight. Thought you could join us.â
âReally?â you realize how incredulous you sound and then try again, âI mean really? Thatâs okay with you?â
He nods, plating the eggs, âI think itâs time they met you.â
âI-Iâd love to,â you say, unable to hide the excitement you feel.Â
You catch a slip of a smile on Simonâs face before the toast pops up and distracts you.Â
You have to dig into your closet that evening, after a shower, to find something nice to wear. You figure an occasion like this calls for something a little nicer than just jeans and a t-shirt like you usually wear. But you canât find much of anything.Â
âWhatâre you huffinâ about in here?â Simon asks when he walks in, towel wrapped around his waist. Heâs still dripping wet from the shower and you can feel the way your mouth fills with saliva at the sight.Â
âI uhâŚdonât know what to wearâŚâ you respond, turning your back to him just as he slips the towel off. Your cheeks feel like theyâre on fire, imagining Simon completely naked behind you.
âWear those nice jeans you got,â he mumbles, grunting as he gets himself dressed, âAnd that little blue top you got.â
âThe cropped one?â you ask incredulously, a brow raised as you turn to him. Heâs got some jeans on now and heâs meticulously unfolding a black t-shirt so he can put it on, âI havenât worn that in a while, howâd you even remember it?â
He shrugs, the muscles in his back rippling with his movement before he tosses the shirt over his head and pulls it down, covering his skin once again, âItâs cute. Weâre just goinâ to the pub, love.â
âOkay,â you mumble, reaching into the back of your closet to pull the little shirt out, âIf youâre sure this will be okay.â
âIâm sure,â he chuckles softly, grabbing his balaclava off the dresser. But he doesnât put it on yet. Instead, he sits on the bed and watches you change.
Youâre acutely aware of his eyes on you as you strip your shirt off. You keep your back to him, trying to ignore your racing heart. You donât feel uncomfortable at all, instead you feelâŚexcited.Â
Your mind runs wild, imagining him stepping up behind you, kissing your neck and cupping your bare breasts in his big hands. Theyâre a little rough from his line of work and you wonder what theyâd feel like against the sensitive skin of your tits, thumbing your nipples and pinching them a little meanly.Â
âC-Can you hand me a bra?â you find yourself asking.
He grunts in acknowledgement and the bed creaks when his weight moves off it. He opens one of the drawers and is behind you in a second. His body heat permeates through his shirt as he presses his chest against your back.Â
He slings your bra over your shoulder, holding it with one finger by the strap. You canât help but tilt your head back to look up at him. Heâs towering over you, pretty, brown eyes looking down his nose at you.Â
You realize in this position, he could clearly see your breasts but he keeps his eyes on yours. You take the bra from him and he lets you, simply staring into your eyes with that stern silence he has about him.
âT-ThanksâŚâ you find yourself whispering, mouth feeling particularly dry.
He grunts, lips quirked up just a bit before he turns his back and walks back to the bed. You let out a quiet, slow breath, willing your heart rate to go back to normal.
Simon was so exhilarating. Just being around him sets your heart racing and fingers trembling.Â
You put your bra on and slip your top over your head, ignoring the sticky feeling in your panties as you do.Â
âI donât know, Si,â you mutter, turning to face him, âI-Itâs a little tight on me now.â
The fabric once hugged you nicely but now it was snug. It molded around your breasts, even showing the lines of your bra. The neckline was low, giving a good show of cleavage â it didnât help that Simon picked one of your more well padded bras.Â
Simon looks up, his eyes immediately falling to your breasts. He sucks in a quick breath and looks away, licking his lips.
âLooks fine,â he mutters, standing to pull one of the drawers open again. He searches for a second, brows furrowed until he pulls out the jeans he was talking about. The ânice jeansâ as he called them, were just some low rise jeans youâd only worn about 4 times.
You look dumbly at them as he drops them into your hands.
âThese?â you scoff, âSimon, I canâtââ
He quiets you with a kiss to your forehead, âTrust me, love.â
He steps out of the room after that, leaving you to your own devices. Youâre thankful that you can change your panties without him seeing how saturated and sticky theyâve become because of him. You bury them in the laundry basket and remind yourself that you should do the laundry before he does because youâd be mortified if he found them.Â
You donât even look at yourself in the mirror, afraid youâll feel too self-conscious if you see what you look like. But you trust Simonâs judgment on what he thinks would look good on you â and you canât deny that dressing up how he likes feels nice.Â
You step into the living room, intent on pulling your shoes on when Simon catches you with an arm around your waist. You gasp as he turns you to face him.
âYou look lovely,â he whispers, smoothing his hands up your sides, thumbs slipping under the hem of your shirt to stroke your skin.
You swallow thickly as your heart starts racing in your chest again. He leans down and pecks your lips but pulls back before you have the chance to kiss back.Â
âLetâs go,â is all he adds before walking away, leaving you no choice but to follow like the lovesick puppy you are.Â
Walking into the bar, your heart pounds painfully in your chest from pure anxiety. Your hand is clasped tightly in Simonâs as he easily moves through the crowd. You suppose his height makes it easy to see over people.Â
âYou alright?â he asks, leaning down to whisper in your ear.
âHavenât been in a bar since I worked atâŚâ you trail off, giving him a half-hearted shrug.
âIf you wanna leave, just say the word,â he mutters, giving your hand a squeeze.
âN-No,â you shake your head, shooting him a wobbly smile,âI wanna meet your team at least.â
He smiles reassuringly and gives your hand a tug to encourage you to follow him. He leads you right to a table situated in a corner, three men laughing and drinking.Â
âThere he is!â the one with the mohawk cheeks, holding up his pint in celebration.
âShut up, Soap,â Simon grumbles petulantly as he pulls out a chair for you.
Soap, you note to yourself. You know them by name but youâve never actually seen the faces to put to them. Soap looks like you imagined, a broad grin and pretty, bright eyes â you imagined them green but theyâre blue.Â
âAnd who is this lovely companion of yours, Simon?â an older man with a hat and mutton chops asks with a kind smile, eyes on you.
Simon says your name before he sits down with a grunt beside you.
âPrice,â your boyfriend supplies when you look curiously at him.
The man in question holds out a hand which you take and softly shake, âNice to meet you.â
âHad no idea Lt. had someone waitinâ for him at home,â Soap says, a teasing lilt in his voice.Â
So youâve met Soap, Price, and that leaves; your eyes land on the quiet guy sitting back in his chair, a cool smile on his lips. He meets your gaze and his smile broadens â not teasing like Soapâs but purely kind.
âYou can call me Kyle,â he gives you a polite nod.
âGaz, then?â you question, tilting your head to the side. Kyle looks surprised, eyes flicking to Simon who shifts uncomfortably in his chair, âHeâs talked about all of you before. I only know your call signs though.â
âJohn will do fine if youâd like,â Price says, tipping his beer back to take a chug.
âSimon calls me Johnny,â Soap adds, âYouâre welcome to as well. Anyone important to the Lieutenant is important to us.â
Out of the corner of your eye you see Simon roll his eyes. It makes you smile. He leans over, nudging you with his knee, âYou want anything to drink? I need one.â
âNo thank you, Si,â you reply, intent on having a clear head for the night. Youâve never been much of a drinker anyway.Â
When Simonâs gone from the table, you suddenly feel incredibly out of place. Price and Kyle have the decency to not stare you down but Soap seems keen on keeping his baby blueâs right on you and a goofy little smile on his face.
âUmâŚâ you shift uncomfortably as you look back at him.
âWeâve never gotten to meet anyone from Ghostâs private life before,â Soap says, saving you from having to think of what to say, âJust shocked sâall.âÂ
âYouâre gonna start giving the poor thing the creeps with your ugly mug,â Kyle chuckles which also makes Soap laugh.
âSorry about that,â Soap lifts his glass and cheers to you before tipping it back.Â
He grimaces slightly as it goes down before slamming his glass back on the table.
âItâs alright,â you respond, âSiâs not really the open book kind. So I understand.â
âHow long have the two of you known each other?â Kyle asks.
You find yourself wondering where the hell Simon even is but answer regardless, âSince we were kids. Um, we lived next door. His mom and mine were friends, I guess.â
Soap nods his head, elbows on the table as he gives you his full attention, âYou guess?â
You hum, âIâm 3 years younger than Simon. The way it was told to me by my mom is thatâŚhis mom came over and,â you couldnât fight back the smile as you recalled the story.
âOh this has got to be good,â Soap nudged Kyle excitedly at your grin.
âTold my mom that Simon didnât have any friends and that he was aâŚsoft-hearted boy and she wanted him to have some friends,â you giggle, holding a hand in front of your face to hide your laughter, âSo she wanted to set up playdates with me even though I was still a baby. My mom didnât have the heart to tell her no.â
Soap tosses his head back and laughs, âNo fuckinâ way.â
âIâm shocked to say it but that actually makes him sound cute,â Kyle adds, unable to hide the laughter in his voice either.
âDonât let him hear you say that,â Price says, but thereâs a smile on his face, âSimonâll knock you out cold on this table.â
âSo you and Simon have been together since?â Kyle asks, glass cupped in both hands.
You nod, âOnly time weâve been apart is when he enlisted and had to go off for a few years to train.â
Soap opens his mouth to say something but a large figure finally drops down into the seat next to you. Simon has a glass of bourbon and a glass that he slides over to Soap who catches it with ease.
âThanks, Lt,â he nods, taking a sip before making that disgusted face again.
âWhat are you lot talkinâ about?â Simon asks, drumming his fingers against his glass.
âWe were discussinâ all your dirty secrets,â Kyle teases with a charming grin.
âNothinâ too damning I hope,â Simon huffs before he takes a large gulp of his drink.Â
The other three men all hide their grins behind their glasses.Â
The anxiety you had felt at the beginning of the night is long gone. The task force is full of jokes and laughs and even Simon seems like a different person.Â
With you, heâs kind and even soft. Heâs by no means gentle or patient.Â
But this side of Simon is so jovial and comfortable that it warms your heart to see. He drinks a few glasses and by the end of the night, heâs got a relaxed, lidded look in his eyes that lets you know heâs got a bit of a buzz going on.Â
âIt was lovely to meet you,â Price says when you all walk out of the bar.
âI really enjoyed meeting all of you as well,â you smile, letting Simon tuck you into his side with an arm wrapped around your waist.
âGet him home safe,â Soap teases, your smile only widening when you hear Simon huff in annoyance.Â
You bid goodbye to the three of them and make your way to the car with Simon, plucking his keys out of his hand and forcing him into the passenger seat despite his grumbled protests of how âheâs not that drunkâ.
When the two of you finally get into your apartment, you let him lock up and turn out the lights while you go to the bedroom and get ready for bed.Â
âYou looked really nice tonight,â Simon mutters when he finally walks in as you crawl into bed, âIâm glad you liked them.â
âIâm glad they liked me,â you huff, leaning back into the pillows, âThey were all really nice guys.â
âYeah,â Simon hums, tugging his shirt off of his head, taking his mask with it, âTheyâre good people.â
You nod your head and tuck your knees to your chest while he gets undressed. He slips on a plaid pair of pajama pants and shoves the drawer closed with his hip before yanking the blanket back to make room for his large body.Â
You bounce a little on the bed when he drops his weight onto it. He smacks his pillow a couple times before he lays back and sighs. Itâs clear heâs still a little buzzed from the way he fights to keep his eyes open.
âSimon?â you ask, turning to face him.Â
That makes his eyes open back up before he looks at you, âWhat?â
âCan I kiss you?â you ask.Â
He snorts and it makes you smile. He reaches out and wraps his hand around the back of your head. You let him tug you down, pressing your hands against his firm chest as you kiss him.Â
His hand travels down your back as he sighs into your mouth. You pull away briefly to look into his eyes before you kiss him again, this time deepening it as much as youâre able. Simon sighs contentedly, his other hand coming up to caress your arm.Â
âI like kissinâ youâŚâ you find yourself whispering against his lips.
He groans at that, the sound going straight to your core. You feel yourself clench around nothing, already starting to leak into your panties.Â
âYeah?â he coos, cupping your cheek, thumbing over your lips, âYou can kiss me all you want, love.â
You whimper, surging down to kiss him again. His hands grip your waist, intermittently squeezing you, like he doesnât know what to do with his hands.Â
Suddenly, you feel the warm, slick slide of his tongue against your lips. You whimper and pull back, brows furrowed.
âShh, love,â he coos, pulling you close again, âJusâ relax and let meâŚâ
You huff, struggling to catch your breath as he urges you to meet his lips again. You feel his tongue again and eagerly open your mouth, letting him taste the inside of your mouth. You shyly meet his tongue with yours and feel his grip on your waist tighten as he groans in his throat.Â
Youâre sure youâve soaked well through your panties by now. Thereâs an ache in your clit that you long to reach down and relieve â or better yet, have Simon relieve.Â
You bet his fingers would feel so damn good against you. You find yourself whimpering into the kiss at the thought alone. Simon lets out a husky laugh into your mouth before pulling away.Â
A string of spit connects your lips before it breaks and vanishes.Â
With a surge of confidence, you toss your leg over his waist. He grunts when your weight settles on his hips, on his cock. Itâs chubbed up against his thigh from kissing you and he knows you can feel it.Â
âWhatâre you doinâ, baby?â he huffs, unable to stop his hands from traveling up the front of your body.Â
You grab his wrist and boldly slide it under the hem of your shirt. He bites his lip to keep from moaning when he feels your bare breast fill his palm. You see the way his eyes start to roll back before he looks at you again. It makes you throb in your panties and you canât resist grinding against him a little before he grabs your waist and stops you.
âSiâŚâ you whimper, pressing your hands against his chest, ââS wrong?â
âCanât,â he clears his throat and sinks into the bed, âCanât do this, love.â
âWhy not?â you ask, feeling a pit of disappointment in your gut, âYou donât want to? I just thoughtâŚâ
You feel your face burn with humiliation as you slide off of his lap. Simon lets you, simply laying there on his back, eyes closed and a knit between his brows, as he evens his breathing out. You fight back tears as you sit there, biting the inside of your lip anxiously.Â
âNotâŚnot tonight, sweetheart,â he finally says, reaching over to pet your hair, âBeen drinkinâ ând I want to be sober for it, yeah?â
It would have been a solid excuse if it didnât sound so flimsy coming from his lips. Like he doesnât even believe it himself.Â
âYeahâŚâ you offer, giving him a wobbly smile before turning out the light.Â
Youâre too embarrassed to cuddle into him that night.Â
âCan I ask you something?â you find yourself muttering as you relax on the couch with him, watching some old movie he picked out, âAs long as you promise not to get mad.â
He snorts, taking a sip of his tea, âWonât get mad.â
âI just want to knowâŚâ you clear your throat and sit up straight a little more, going over the question in your head, âWhy did you leave that nightâŚleave like that, just to have sex?â
He tenses up immediately, you can feel it. He shifts where he sits, spreading his legs just a little wider so he can sink deeper into the couch, âWe already talked about this.â
You wince at his clipped tone, knowing youâre stepping into dangerous territory, âI know butâŚI want to know the real reason.â
He catches his bottom lip between his teeth and sighs, keeping his eyes trained on the TV, âYou think I was lyinâ to you?â
Now he sounds mad. You quickly shake your head, âNo, Si. I-Iâm not trying to start a fight, I swear. I donât think you were lying. I just think youâŚwerenât telling me everything.â
He sighs. You can see the way his jaw ticks when he clenches it, âIs that right?â
âYeah,â you breathe, scooting a little closer to him, placing your hands on his chest, smoothing his shirt down a bit, âIt was justâŚout of character for you, Si. I was really upset and you knew that. It wasnât like you to justâŚleave. Just to get laid.â
He finally looks at you, just out of the corner of his eye. You meet the look, offering him an encouraging smile to show that youâre not upset or anything.Â
âAll night,â he finally mutters, âYouâd been kickinâ in your sleep. Kept wakinâ me up.â
You nodded, a look of confusion on your face. You had no idea where this was going.
âYou started sayinâ my name,'' he continued, âMoaninâ my name. Fuck, it was drivinâ me crazy.â
Your face flushes hot when you hear that. It all suddenly comes rushing back to you â what youâd been dreaming about.Â
âYou threw your leg over mine and I couldââ he cuts himself off, his throat moving with how hard he swallows.
âCould what?â your voice comes out shockingly breathy.Â
He catches it, looking at you. You can see the way his pupils widen immediately when he meets your gaze. Itâs like he can see right through you, see the fact youâre dripping into your panties again. Just from this conversation alone.Â
âI could feel how fuckinâ wet you were,â he brings a shaky hand up and runs it through his hair before he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, âCouldnât fuckinâ deal with it. I had toâŚlet it out somehow.â
âSo you knew that I wanted youâŚlike that?â you find yourself asking.
He scoffs and shakes his head, âDidnât think about it like that. Figured it was just a dream and thatâs all it was.â
âWasnât just a dream,â you assure, scooting closer to him.
Simonâs breath catches in his throat when you lean over him, resting your hand on the arm rest on his other side, letting it support your weight. You stand on your knees, making you just a little taller than him before you lean down and kiss him.Â
He remains completely still, like heâs processing. His hands flounder in the air for a second before heâs carefully pushing you to sit back down. You slump against your heels and look at him, perturbed.
âWhy..?â
âI need to make dinner,â he says lamely.Â
âSimonâŚâ you admonish, knowing heâs lying.Â
He gets up, knees cracking as he does. He winces a little bit before he bends down to pick up the blanket that fell to the floor when he stood. You kept your eyes on him, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. You almost let him go but before you can stop him, you grab his arm.Â
âI donât know what Iâm doing, Simon,â you mutter, âI keep trying to make things go further with you but I just keep making a fool of myself and Iââ
ââS not you,â he assures softly, taking your hand in his, ââS all me, baby.â
âSo whyâŚâ you frown, âI want you.â
He shakes his head, âNight you told me how you felt. You sounded scared.âÂ
You remember, the way his touch had made anxiety fill you. You had wanted him, of course, but for some reason it had just been so damn awful at the same time. You hadnât really dwelled on why that was.Â
âIt wasnât âcause of you, Si,â you assured, shifting so your feet were on the floor rather than under you, âI promise. I-I was just nervous, I think. Thatâs all.â
âI donât wantâŚâ he licks his lips, seemingly thinking over his next words carefully before he says them slowly, âI donât to hear you sound like that with me again. âS why Iâve been avoidinâ it. âCause I donât want you to get scared again.â
You shake your head, rising to your feet, stepping in front of him. You take his hands in yours and squeeze them, âI donât want to make a fool of myself with you, Simon.â
He frowns, âYou know I would never think poorly of you.â
You smile and shrug, âI know that. I thinkâŚthat time was justâŚtoo soon. After that night at the bar and everything that happened. And then the fact Iâm so inexperienced that itâs laughable. I thinkâŚI just wasnât ready for it. I needed to go at my own pace and I have been.â
âI donât want you to push yourself,â he hums, âI know that night at the bar was terrifying,â he brings a hand up to brush over your cheek, âI understand if youâre not goinâ to be ready for a long time. Itâs normal to not be ready after what happened to you.â
You huff, âIâve been trying to show you that Iâve been ready for a while now, Si. I was anxious at first, yes. But now itâsâŚlike a good kind of nervous.â
âA good kind of nervous?â he mutters, hands moving to your hips to pull you closer. Your breath hitches in your throat and you nod dumbly, âTell me all about it.â
âL-Like my heart races,â you breathe, âAnd I feel scared that Iâm gonna do something silly and embarrassing but like I want to learn andâŚand I want to do good for you.â
âFuck,â Simon groans, dropping his head to rest on your shoulder, âCanât say shit like that to a man like me, love.â
âWhy not?â you whimper, feeling your knees tremble in excitement when you feel his hands start to wander.
ââCauseâŚâ he whispers, running his hands up your sides, âMakes me think some nasty shit, sweetheart.â
You swallow thickly at the promise in his voice, âSimonâŚâÂ
You sound so wrecked already and it makes him moan softly in your ear, âTell me about it, baby.â
Just like that, youâre spilling your guts to him, âGet so wet for you, Si, all the time. I want you so bad that it hurts.â
âYeah?â he breathes, finally pulling his head from where he was hiding in your shoulder, tilting your chin up, âWhereâs it hurt, baby? Hm? Right in that needy little cunt?â
You whimper immediately, looking up at him with wide, hazy eyes and nod, âT-Tried to touch myself. Thinkinâ about you made it hurt so I couldnât help myself. Thought about you when I did.â
He hums as you babble to him but his mind latches onto one particular word, âTried, baby? What do you mean "tried?â
Your cheeks burn hot at the slip up. Would he think you were silly for it?
âC-Canât do it right,â you confess softly, hoping he doesnât see how embarrassed you are, âTry so hard but n-nothinâ ever happens.â
Simon moans at that. Loud and unbridled, âWhatâre you sayinâ, baby? That you canât make yourself cum, sâthat it?â You shake your head bashfully, âFuckinâ hell. Thatâs adorable.â
âD-Donât tease me, Si,â you whimper but the seat of your panties is so fucking wet that itâs sticking to you.Â
He hums, a predatory smile spreads across his face, âAm I beinâ mean, love?â You nod your head, tearfully staring up at him. It only makes his smile widen, canines popping out, ââM sorry. Canât help myself when you tell me âbout how you touch your pretty little pussy and just canât make yourself cum like you need. Think I can do it for you, hm? Want me to try and make you cum?â
You vigorously nod your head, uncaring how fucking needy you look to him. Heâs offering to give you what youâve wanted for years â to give you a real, honest to God orgasm. And you werenât going to let this chance slip away.Â
âWant you on the bed,â he suddenly whispers, âOn your back, lose the pants but keep everything else on.â
With a jerk of his head in the direction of the bedroom, you take off. You hear him chuckle behind you at your excitement. He makes sure the door is locked before he heads back to the bedroom.Â
Youâre there just like he asked, pants pooled on the floor, leaving you in nothing but an old t-shirt of his and a pair of the cutest little lilac colored panties heâs seen. Youâve got your knees pinned together, clenching your thighs but laying perfectly still in waiting for him.Â
âSo fuckinâ good for me,â he praises, grinning when you whimper and tremble at his words, âOh, sweet thing likes to be praised, huh?â
You nod your head, âWanna be good for you, Si.â
âThatâs sweet, baby,â he coos, reaching to the back of his collar so he can tug his shirt off of his head.Â
Your heart hammers away in your chest when he crawls onto the bed, hands on either side of your head. He looks so big like this, on top of you, completely blocking any view you had of your ceiling and instead filling your viewline with just him. He leans down and kisses you, humming contentedly when you eagerly kiss back. Your hands find purchase on his shoulders as he uses one hand to tug your legs open so he can slot himself between them.Â
You cry out when he presses himself against your core. Heâs wearing nothing but his jeans but you can feel the heat radiating through the thick material.Â
âShit, look at that,â he whispers, leaning back on his heels to admire the nice little wet patch that has stained your panties, âYou already this wet, baby?â
âKissinâ you always makes me this wet, Si,â you sweetly confess and oh, you are just so precious.Â
His hands slide up your stomach, moving your t-shirt up and up until it sits crumpled under your chin. Your tits are bare and move with every gasping breath that you take.Â
Simonâs hands are just as rough and warm as youâd expect them to be. His thumbs come up and glide over your nipples until they harden into stiff little peaks for him.Â
Then his mouth is wrapping around one, swirling his tongue around it before pulling off with a lewd pop. His hand pinches the other nipple, rolling it between his fingers as he listens to you whimper and sigh.Â
âPlease, Si,â you whine, âI-It hurts, please.â
âIt hurts?â he hums, leaving a fleeting kiss against the nipple his tongue was torturing just a moment ago, âWhere? Hm?â
His hand travels down your body, cupping your cunt through your panties. You gasp, arching your hips just a bit to grind against his palm. He lets you, before he meanly pins your hips down with his other hand.Â
âWhere, love?â he smooths the pad of his thumb over the seam of your cunt through your panties. The fabric is saturated with your slick, letting him see every part of you through shape alone. His thumb finds your clit, the little bud poking out through the fabric from how hard and swollen it's become, âHere? âS it your pretty clit that hurts, love?â
You nod, eyes rolling back in your head when he presses his thumb against the bud, trapping it under his finger so he can roll mean little circles over it. Youâd be mindlessly rutting your hips by now if he didnât have his other arm slung over your hips to keep you pinned nice and still like he wants.Â
It already feels so different than when you touched yourself. Maybe because itâs him or maybe because heâs so experienced.Â
That thought makes you equal parts jealous and equal parts turned on. Heâd slept with plenty of people but now he was using that expertise to make you feel good.Â
âCan you take them off, please?â you whine, pitchy and sweet from arousal.Â
âAsked so sweetly for me,â he coos, hitching his thumbs into the band of your panties before giving them a firm tug.Â
You quickly lift your hips, letting him tug them down and off of your feet. You expect him to toss them away but instead he holds them up, thumbing over the slickness in the crotch. You watch him with wide eyes as he analyzes it. Your breath hitches when he suddenly brings them towards his face and licks a wide stripe of the fabric, moaning when he gets a good laste of your syrupy sweet slick.
âSimon!â you gasp â admonish, leaning up to snatch them out of his grasp.Â
His eyes open, he hadnât even realized heâd closed them, to look at you. He licks his lips like a dog licking its chops when it tastes something real delicious.Â
He doesnât even comment on what he just did or the pure embarrassment that is written all over your face. Instead, he grips underneath your knees and yanks you down the bed towards him so your hips are situated in his lap.Â
âJusâ let me touch you, love,â he whispers, âIâll work a nice little orgasm out of you in no time, yeah?â
You nod your head because you trust him. You know heâs going to be able to give you what you need so badly. You donât even question it â especially when you feel how good it feels when he uses his thumbs to spread your folds open for him. He groans when he sees the sticky strings of slick that display just how turned on you are.Â
Pretty little hole clenching sporadically around nothing, dribbling more creamy arousal that makes his tongue feel like lead in his mouth. A pretty clit that twitches and throbs under his scrutinizing gaze. But you make no move to cover yourself and hide from his gaze.Â
He finally touches the bud directly and itâs like electricity strikes through you. You lose control of your body as your back arches and your thighs violently twitch. Your cheeks burn when you hear him chuckle softly at your reaction.
âSensitive,â he huffs, a crooked little grin on his face as he brushes his thumb over your clit again, garnering the same reaction as before from you, âFuck, canât believe youâre this sensitive and canât make yourself cum.â
ââS cause itâs you, Si,â you sweetly confess.
And itâs true. Having him touch you like this directly â feeling his callused skin over the most sensitive little part of you is euphoric. It doesnât feel anything like when you touch yourself at all. It feels magnified, you feel like a live wire and everything feels like too much. But you donât do anything to impede him because you trust him more than anything â especially like this, with your body.Â
He replaced his thumb with his middle finger, prodding at your entrance. You almost think heâs going to press inside you but he doesnât â instead, he gathers your slick up on his finger and drags it up to your clit. He softly circles the bud, cock kicking against his thigh when you sigh and croon so sweetly for him.Â
Your cunt makes sticky noises as he continues doing this, gathering your arousal and lathering your precious bud up with it so he can so softly play with it. His touches arenât enough to actually work you to the edge, itâs much too slow and soft but it feels good. He waits for you to relax against the bed, lashes fluttering as you whimper and twitch on the bed for him.
âThere you go, sweetheart,â he whispers, leaning forward to press a kiss against your trembling thigh, âRelax fâme. Want you nice and soft for me so I can get my fingers in this tight little cunt.â
You gasp at that, partly in excitement and also in apprehension. Youâve never actually put anything inside yourself before â except once, you put your finger in and it burned so you never tried it again.Â
âD-DontâŚâ you find yourself muttering, making him freeze. He thinks youâve changed your mind, anxiety getting the better of you and heâs fully prepared to propel himself away from you at a moment's notice, âBe gentle, okay?â
His gaze softens when he looks at you, âWonât hurt you, love. I promise.â
You remain relaxed for him when he carefully prods you with his middle finger. He keeps his thumb pressed against your clit, not rubbing it or anything, just keeping a nice pressure that keeps you sagged against the pillows.Â
It doesnât feel anything like when you tried that one time with yourself. Everything is so much wetter and more pliant. Itâs like your walls just suck the digit in, even though itâs so much bigger than your own finger.Â
You sigh softly when you finally have something to clench around. Simon gives you a sweet kiss to the spot right underneath your belly button in silent praise. He keeps his lidded, brown eyes on your face, watching every little expression you make with rapt attention.Â
He slowly and carefully fucks his middle finger into you, feeling the way you slowly relax around him, soaking his skin with your arousal. He smooths his free hand up the length of your body, abandoning your clit to wrap his palm around your breast. You place your own hand over his, encouraging him to squeeze harder.Â
âHowâs that feel, love?â he asks, still sliding his finger in and out of you.
âOkayâŚâ you reply, keeping your hand over his on your chest, âBut itâŚumâŚâ
âWhat?â he urges, âTell me what you feel.â
âI-It feels nice butâŚâ you trail off and he hums, nodding his head.
âDoesnât feel good?â he finishes for you. You nod your head and he laughs softly, âI know, baby. Jusâ tryinâ to get you used to the feeling and then Iâll make it feel real good, alright?â
âOkay,â you whisper but he can tell youâre not too convinced that itâs going to feel much better.
Youâre worried that the same thing is going to happen â itâll feel really good and then youâre never going to be able to climb over that wall. You hate to imagine disappointing him, failing to get off. Youâd hate for him to put all this work in and you just canât cum in the end.Â
âHey,â he coos, âGet out of your head, pretty. Donât worry about a thing, alright?â
You take a deep breath and slowly let it out, allowing yourself to relax against the bed again. Simon waits for you to be nice and pliant around his finger before he starts to fit his ring finger alongside it. He catches sight of the furrow in your brow when he stretches you around two of his fingers. It burns but when Simon brings his thumb back to your clit, tapping against the bud, it vanishes. Your thighs twitch and you whimper, walls clenching in time with the little taps until the burning vanishes completely.
âThere we are,â he praises, âKnew you could do it, sweetheart.â
âA-Are you gonna add another?â you find yourself asking.
âLater,â he responds, scissoring the two fingers he has snug inside your cunt, ââM a big man, love. Gonna need you nice and stretched for me.â
You whimper at that, walls clenching around his fingers as he slowly begins to fuck them in and out of you. Your cheeks burn when you hear the loud, squishing noises your hole makes every time he stuffs them back inside.Â
After a moment of just getting you used to being stretched on two of his thick digits, he suddenly crooks them up and hits something inside you that makes your back arch. It causes a tingling feeling that youâve never experienced to heat your tummy every time he touches it.
âSimon!â you squeal, trying to clench your thighs closed but his broad shoulders keep them open, âTh-That feels-!â
âI know, baby,â he coos cockily, grinding his fingertips against that little spot that makes you so gooey and creamy around his fingers, âFeels real good right there, I know.â
Your back arches and your jaw drops. You canât do anything but moan and cry out as he fucks against that spot. Heâs urged on by your sounds of pure pleasure, eyes flicking between where heâs got your pretty cunt spread open and the euphoric expressions you canât do anything to hide.
Itâs so precious, seeing you so open and loud for him. You donât do anything to hide your sounds of pleasure nor do you even think of faking any of them for his sake. Every little thing youâre feeling, you express, and you canât help yourself because itâs all so new and so much.
That hot, tingling feeling in your core only intensifies with every experienced stroke of his fingers. Your eyes are rolling back every time he touches that magnificent spot inside you, abusing it with his fingers until your walls are soft and malleable for him again.
And then he brings his index finger into it. Heâs even more slow and careful as he fits it in beside the other two fingers. It doesnât burn like when he had given you his second finger but itâs a certain stretch that simply feels strange.Â
He gets you stuffed open on his three fingers, up to the third knuckle. Youâre spread so wide and squeeze his fingers so tight that it makes him moan when he thinks about what it will feel like around his cock.Â
If youâre this tight around just his fingers then youâre going to feel positively euphoric around him.Â
âSimonâŚâ you coo, reaching down to card your fingers through his hair.Â
He grunts in acknowledgement, but is unwilling to part his gaze from the sight of the creamy mess youâve begun to leave on his fingers. Your pretty clit is twitching and so swollen, glistening from your juices and he suddenly has the inescapable desire to wrap his mouth around it.Â
Youâre not even looking when he decides to do it. Itâs like he canât stop himself.Â
All you feel is something wet and hot wrap around the little bud. You practically wail at the feeling of his tongue sliding against it. Your feet kick aimlessly, hitting his back and shoulders as you flail beneath his body.Â
You sob his name, yanking harshly on his hair in a way that hurts but heâs not going to stop you. He knows itâs mean to do this, not even warning you or easing you into the feeling before heâs suckling your clit. His tongue slips in circles around it, flicking it with the tip of his tongue. His ears practically ring from how loud youâre crying out for him.Â
His three fingers remain buried inside you but heâs hardly able to move them from how tight youâre squeezing them. All he can do is grind his fingers against your g-spot but it only makes your pretty body more twitchy and makes you squirm even more beneath him. He has to hold you down so you canât get away.Â
He doesnât want your precious pussy to be ripped away from him, your juices are making his taste buds tingle â you taste so damn good.Â
That familiar heat begins to grow in your core â one youâve experienced many times before by yourself. You cry and wail for him, sobbing his name and gripping his hair.Â
âS-Si, donât stop, please, please, pleaseââ you choke on your own cries, slamming your head into the pillows as your back arches painfully hard.Â
He grunts lowly, blonde lashes fluttering as he watches your bodyâs pure, unfiltered reactions to this pleasure. He knows youâre getting close, can feel you clenching around him and your clit pulsing on his tongue in time with your heartbeat.Â
You feel yourself reaching that wall, the one you can never overcome. But it feels different this time, the pleasure isnât slowing. Itâs not fading like it always does when youâve got your own fingers on your bud.Â
It always seems to slip out of your grasp by this point.
This is it, you think. Youâre going to cum. Youâre finally going to fucking cum.Â
Then everything stops.
His tongue is gone from your clit and his fingers are nowhere to be found. Simonâs shoulders rise and fall as he watches your face flicker through a range of emotions before your eyes fill with tears and you look at him â utterly pitiful and hopeless.
âWh-WhyâŚâ you finally whisper, tongue feeling heavy in your mouth.Â
Your cunt pulses and throbs around nothing, the heat of your orgasm quickly dissipating, leaving that horribly empty and unsatisfying feeling in its wake.Â
âSorry, baby,â he coos, genuine and soft as he leans up to kiss your face, âThat was mean, huh? âM sorry. Jusâ want you to have your first orgasm on a cock, love.â
That doesnât do anything to quell your disappointment but you nod anyway, wiping away some stray tears that trickle from your eyes.Â
âPlease,â you breathlessly whisper, âPlease, Simon. Want your cock, please. I-I was so close. It felt so good,â you start babbling, eyes falling to the hard outline of his cock in his jeans, âI wanna cum so bad, Si. Y-You promised. Please, just give me your cock. Please? Please? Simon!â
Simonâs mouth goes dry as he hears your babbled begging. Fuck, youâre absolutely aching for it. All you can think about is cumming. He never thought heâd get to hear you beg for him like this, so pathetically. You should be embarrassed, begging for cock like this when youâve only just now gotten your first taste of being stretched open. Yet here you are fuckinâ crying for it.
His cock drools pre down his thigh, he can feel how wet his boxers have become from how much heâs leaking it. Heâs aching in his jeans â he canât pretend he doesnât want it just as badly as you do.
âShit, alright!â he snarls, wrapping a hand around your throat to force you to look at him. You gasp at the rough treatment, âJusâ shut up and Iâll give it to you, yeah?â
You obediently nod your head, still staring up at him with those wide, teary eyes. He tries to act like his hands arenât fucking trembling when he yanks his belt off. He doesnât think heâs ever felt this needy â this excited to get his cock inside a pussy.Â
But itâs you. Youâre special.Â
He loves you. This isnât like the one night stands and hookups heâs had in the past. This is different.Â
He feels like a fumbling teenager the way he clumsily yanks his belt out of the loops and shoves his jeans down his thighs along with his underwear. His cock, big and heavy, hangs under its own weight â it never slaps up against his stomach. He wasnât just chatting shit when he said he was a big guy.Â
He wrapped his hand around himself, giving it a few, firm tugs. He feels your eyes on him, watching the way he touches himself and it sends heat through him. He scoots closer to you again, pulling back his foreskin to show the fat, leaky head that he meanly taps against your clit.Â
You gasp a cute little âah!â when he does that brings a smile to his face. He canât say heâs the best lay for a virgin because heâs so big and heâs a brute â itâs in his nature. But heâs trying his best for you.Â
âAlright, baby,â he coos, leaning on one forearm above your head, draping his big body over yours. He easily manhandles you into position, caging your knees against your chest and wrapping himself around you, âJust relax for me, hm? Can you do that fâme?â
You nod your head and shakily put your hands on his shoulders, cupping his jaw to bring him down to kiss you. He sighs into your lips, using his free hang to grip the base of his cock, prodding against your hole. Youâre so slippery that it slides out of you and slips up your clit. You whimper at the feeling, thighs twitching at the stimulation.Â
When he finally starts to press inside, your nails bite into his shoulders. It stings â it hurts. Heâs so big, making your poor little cunt burn the deeper he presses himself. The head pops in and your hips jump at the feeling, his cock slipping back out.Â
He huffs, dropping his forehead against your shoulder, âFuck, sit still.â
âS-Sorry!â you whimper, âIâm sorry!â
âShh,â he sighs, kissing your cheek, ââS okay, baby. Hurts, huh?â
âA little,â you whimper, trying to downplay it so he wonât stop.
He hums and presses a kiss against the corner of your mouth. He knows that working an orgasm out of you before making you take his cock would be the nice thing to do but heâs selfish. He wants to feel your orgasm around his cock â where you deserve to have it.Â
Itâs your very first orgasm after all. It needs to be good and he knows he can make it real good once he can get you speared on his cock.Â
So he grips himself again, sitting up for just a moment to lewdly spit on your pussy. It hits your clit and trickles down where he catches it with the head of his cock. He leans over your body and starts to push in again. This time he tucks his arms under your shoulders and pins you impossibly against him, leaving you with nowhere to run when he starts to press into you.Â
You whimper, feet kicking against his back when he pushes deeper than before â past the head. He knows it hurts, youâre stretched beyond your limit and he waits with bated breath for you to say the word and tell him to stop.Â
But you donât.Â
You just grapple your arms around his waist and dig your nails in. His skin is sweaty by now and it makes getting any purchase on him difficult. You let out a watery little whimper that has him freezing. Youâre speared on half his cock when he finally looks at you.Â
Your eyes are teary and they slowly drip down your cheeks.
âDo you want to stop?â he asks, brushing some away with his thumb.
You immediately shake your head, no hesitation, âNo! K-Keep goinâ, Si.â
âDonât cry, pretty,â he shushes, keeping his grip under your shoulders and his hips pinned firmly against yours so you canât squirm when he starts pressing in again. Your mouth opens in a silent gasp, eyes fluttering from the ache that settles where heâs stretching you wide, ââS okay, just take a deep breath. âM almost in, love, youâre doinâ so fuckinâ good for me. Takinâ all of my cock so deep, just like you deserve. Hear me? This cock sâall yours now, yeah? Can have it whenever you need it.â
Your walls spasm around his cock as he talks, making him groan low in his chest. Heâs almost there, can feel his balls starting to tap against you the deeper he gets until finally, his hips meet yours and you wail.Â
He prods painfully against your cervix and he knows that itâs uncomfortable but heâs not willing to pull back just yet. He needs you to get used to being stretched and stuffed full of every inch of him. He takes care to do slow, gentle grinds, his pelvis catching your clit that eventually makes you relax.Â
âThatâs it,â he praises, âJust relax and let me make you feel good.â
He finally eases off of you, balancing his weight on his forearms on either side of your head, hovering over you. He slowly pulls his hips back, watching you slump against the bed when he finally stops pressing on your cervix.Â
He finally starts fucking you, sliding his cock out just a bit before rolling his hips forward again. It's slow and soft, just testing the waters and getting you used to this new stimulation.Â
It feels entirely different from his fingers. His cock is bigger, fills you so much more, touches deeper.Â
His cock reaches spots deep inside you that his fingers didnât even reach. But heâs permanently pressing against that spot his fingers were torturing. It feels so fucking good.Â
Simon can see the way your eyes roll back as he carefully fucks you. Your first cock and youâre taking it so damn well. It makes him want to see how much more you can take but he knows he needs to ease you into it, he doesn't want to overwhelm you.
âSiâŚâ you sigh softly, blinking as you struggle not to float off and become drunk with pleasure.Â
âI know, pretty,â he coos, kissing your cheek before leaning back on his heels, fastening the thrusts of his hips.Â
You canât keep quiet now, mouth falling open to let out the most precious sounds of pure pleasure. Youâre staring at him with wide eyes, like heâs hung the moon and stars in the sky just for you. His cock fucking throbs at the look of wonder that crosses your face. He knows youâre getting close, can feel how tight youâre clamping around him and he can see how much youâre creaming around him â making a mess at the base of his cock and in the thatch of curls there.Â
âYou gonna cum?â he coos, grinning when you shake your head, âOf course you are. I can fuckinâ feel it, baby. Know you got one for me, go ahead. Cum on my cock real nice, câmon.â
âC-Canât,â you whimper. Itâs too much. Youâre so wet. Itâs fucking messy but you feel yourself at that damn wall, hanging on a thread and waiting for euphoria to come but it doesnât, âPlease! Simon! Please, I-I canât! Please, please, pleaseâŚâ
âFuck,â his hisses when he hears you begging to cum on his cock, âCome on then, baby. You can do it. Just let it go, let me fuck it outta you.â
You toss your head back into the pillows as a sob is ripped from your chest. As if he can sense how much youâre struggling, he brings his thumb down to press against your clit. Your eyes fucking roll, only the whites of them visible. You clench down around him like a vice and it only takes a couple little swipes of his thumb for you to tumble over the edge.Â
It feels unlike anything you could have ever imagined. Pleasure soars through you and your hearing cuts out. It feels like you lose control of your body, unable to do anything but thrash and twitch as he fucks you through it. Youâre not sure if you would prefer him to stop or keep going because itâs all so fucking much that it hurts.Â
Youâre gushing around him, drenching his cock in sticky, creamy cum that drips in thick strings down his balls. Holy fuck.
It feels like hours that youâre speared on his cock, cumming and cumming before it finally leaves you and you collapse against the bed. Youâre still twitching, entire body shivering until he finally slows his thrusts to soft little rolls of his hips. He takes his thumb off of your clit and youâre thankful because it was starting to become unpleasant.Â
You swallow despite how dry your mouth is, eyes finally focusing on him. His brows are furrowed and his bottom lip is tucked into his mouth. Pretty, brown eyes are locked on you and you suddenly feel shy.Â
Had he been watching you the whole time? You hoped you didnât make any ugly faces or embarrassing noises.Â
âFuck,â he coos, seemingly sensing your shame, âThat was a fuckinâ orgasm, love.â
Youâre panting, you realize. And youâre tired. Youâve never felt more relaxed in your life.Â
All you can think is that youâve been missing out on that your whole life? Now youâre not sure youâll be able to even live without it ever again.Â
Simonâs hands cup under your knees and pin them to your chest. You gasp as he bends you as he sees fit. Youâre limp, so completely drunk on the pleasure you just experienced that you simply let him.Â
But you realize heâs even deeper like this â and it doesnât hurt like it did before. Heâs pressing against your back wall and it actually feels good. You feel so sensitive inside, like you can feel every twitch of his cock.Â
Heâs still languidly dragging his cock in and out of you. Itâs a fucking mess between your legs, youâve cum so fucking much that itâs everywhere. Heâs never been covered like this before and itâs fucking hot.Â
Your cum sticks between the two of you in little strings that break and reform every time his hips meet and leave yours. Your little clit is puffy and swollen from your orgasm and he wants to press his thumb against it again but he knows the poor little thing is much too sensitive still.Â
Your legs flop uselessly as he fucks you, eases you past overstimulation until youâre sweetly cooing for him again. He takes that chance to fuck you properly again, intent on finding his own orgasm deep in your cunt.Â
His heavy balls slap against your ass. He wants to cum. He plans to make himself cum like this, just using your pretty pussy. But then he sees your eyes widen again and your lips part almost curiously and his eyes narrow.
âYou feel it again, huh, sweetheart?â he goads, shifting his weight on his knees so his hips are pressed even closer to yours.Â
âC-Canât,â you whisper, the same thing you had before. But itâs different now, âW-Wonât be able to, Si.â
âS that a challenge, love?â he teases, a crooked little smile on his face. You sleepily shake your head, âHmm, I think I can fuck another one out of you. One orgasm wonât be enough, two is a good number for now. Until I train this little cunt to cum for me all night long.â
You whimper, reaching out the claw at his forearms where he pins your knees to your chest. Youâre held so uselessly open, cunt completely vulnerable to his fat cock stuffing you full. His pelvis hits your clit in a way that makes the little bud tingle and your cunt clenches pathetically around him with every thrust he gives you.Â
Sweet little âah, ah, ahâsâ are punched from your lungs every time he sinks completely inside. Heâs gripping your knees harshly, squeezing where he has a grip as his own orgasm starts to creep up on him but heâs going to give you another orgasm. He has to make you cum again, to see you lost in pleasure like that once more. He knows that will push him over the edge, give him what he needs. He wants to cum with you, fill you up while youâre in the throes of pure pleasure that only he has ever given you.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck,â he gasps, fighting the feeling of his own eyes rolling back in favor of watching you.Â
He loves the way you wear everything you feel on your face. From the looks of wonder when it feels really good to the little rolls of your eyes when he makes it hurt just a bit. Itâs so cute.Â
Makes him want to play around with that little part of you â be a little mean to you.Â
âCum,â he growls, fighting his own orgasm down, âFuckinâ cum right now.â
âI canât!â you wail, kicking against his hold on your knees, pressing down to spread you open even further.Â
His hips slam against yours, loud slaps and slick noises of your gooey cunt filling his ears, âYou can. You will. Cum, sweetheart. You better fuckinâ cum.â
But you shake your head. Itâs so close, you can feel it. Itâs creeping up on you and you want it so bad. You want to feel that pleasure again. But youâre not even sure youâre going to be able to cum again, it feels so much more sensitive than before. Itâs too much.Â
Simon bares his teeth, letting go of one of your legs to drift between your thighs. Your eyes widen, you think heâs going to rub it again â itâs so sensitive that youâre not sure youâll be able to take it.Â
But instead, he does something else.
You hear it before you feel it, a soft little slap followed by the feeling of being electrocuted. Simon watches you with lidded eyes to see how you react. Just like he expected, you wail and your body gives a mean twitch at the impact.Â
So he does it again.Â
And again.Â
And again.
Not too hard, just enough for it to hurt a little bit. A sting against a terribly sensitive little bud. Itâs mean â heâs mean. But he canât fucking help it.Â
He needs you to cum for him again.
âCum,â he snarls, giving your clit another slap.
As if on command, it sends you over the edge. Your legs kick out and he has to abandon your clit to hold you down, pinning you harshly to the bed as he uses all his weight to fuck down into your spasming little cunt. Youâre cumming so hard around him that you stop breathing. He hears the hitch of breath and doesnât hear the exhale. All you do is lay there, cry for him and cum.
He finds his end just as violently, tossing his head back to moan into the room as cum erupts from his cock. His thrusts grow sloppy as he milks the orgasm out of himself, voice breaking as he whimpers from how fucking good it feels.Â
Like no orgasm heâs ever experienced. Itâs like he canât stop cumming, filling you up so much that it oozes out from around his cock.Â
Youâre trembling underneath him when he finally comes down, tearfully gazing up at him with your mouth agape, struggling to catch your breath.
âN-No more,â you pathetically whimper, legs twitching from the aftershocks, âC-Canât take anymore, Si.â
âShh,â he shushes, letting your legs go so you can relax comfortably as he pulls his cock from your pussy.
Itâs twitching and clenching sporadically, still coming down from your orgasm. It makes his cum drip out of your cunt, a mess that spreads to the already messy sheets. Your cum and his mix together to make a sticky, gooey mess that makes his mouth water. He wants to eat it up, stuff his tongue into your tight little hole and swallow it all down.Â
But he canât. Maybe next time, he vows.
His cock gives a valiant kick at the thought of getting to do this again. He sits on his heels, gazing at his messy cock as if softens. He feels dazed, almost drunk.Â
Then he hears the softest little sniffle from you and his eyes snap up to your face to find your crumpled expression and tears falling down your face. You cover your face with your hands and earnestly begin to cry.
âHey, itâs alright, love,â he coos, laying beside you to tuck you into his chest.
âI-I donât know why Iâm crying,â you sob, wrapping your arms around his waist as you cry into him.Â
âIt happens,â he assures, âIt was a lot and youâre just a little overwhelmed sâall. Just let it out, baby.â
And you do, weakly sobbing into his chest until it feels like you canât cry anymore. He holds you through it all, rubbing your back and cooing sweet nothings in your ear until you grow silent.Â
âAlright, love?â he asks.
âS-Sorry, Si,â you sniffle, finally pulling out of the spot in his arms you were hiding in, âI-I donât want you to think I didnât want it or that it was bad. I justâŚâ
He gives you a soft smile, leaning forward to kiss you. Itâs short and sweet, âI donât think that. Like I said, it happens. Sometimes people just cry after sex, nothinâ to worry about.â
âAre you sure?â you sniffle, wiping your cheeks dry when the tears finally stop.
âPositive,â he sits up, âLetâs get cleaned up, alright? We need to change the damn sheets, fuckinâ hell.â
You giggle as you look down at the sheets where a very visible dark spot is sitting where you once laid. You donât even have time to be embarrassed before heâs swooping you off of the bed and escorting you to the bathroom.
Itâs too small for both of you to fit but you make it work. He wipes you down with a warm cloth before hopping into the shower to rinse and clean himself before he gets out and lets you do the same. While you do that, he changes the bedding completely and replaces it with new sheets and blankets for the two of you to sleep in together.Â
When you finally stumble into the bedroom, he wraps his arms around you and urges you onto the bed. You giggle as you flop onto the bed before he crawls in after you and covers the both of you up, wrapping himself around you until youâre tucked securely against him.Â
âI take it you liked it?â he finally whispers.
You shyly nod, âI-It was umâŚfun.â
âFelt real good, huh?â he teases, grinning wolfishly when you whimper.
âY-Yeah,â you whisper, âIt felt really good. I already want to do it again.â
Simon groans, hugging you tightly before shaking his head, âYouâre gonna be insatiable. Gonna give my cock a run for its money.â
You giggle, affectionately petting his hair before he looks at you with the softest expression youâve ever seen. Itâs like his eyes are sparkling in the low light of the bedroom. He leans forward and ever so softly kisses your forehead, then your nose, before he reaches your lips. He pecks them softly, pulling back for just a second before he kisses you again.Â
âI love you,â he whispers, so soft that you almost miss it.Â
And your heart begins to race. You almost struggle to find the words to reciprocate. But when you do, he smiles and tucks you against him again, big arms wrapped around you like a bear hug.
Itâs almost surreal. You canât believe youâre here after everything â with him.Â
Like youâve dreamed your whole life, he loves you just like you love him.Â
PART ONE.
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#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost smut#ghost x reader#cod smut#cod x reader
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