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therealslimshakespeare · 15 days ago

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Oath to the Spunk Wall

A Dear John💌 stalag flashback fully authored by my brilliant @stylespresleyhearted

Bucky was fucking dying in the stalag.

Figuratively and literally - he could feel life and the will to live seeping out of every pore in his body as they spent day in and day out stuck with no chance of escaping. And Buck, Buck, Buck - Buck who had been his driving force to get here in the first place. They were on completely different ends of the spectrum.

Bucky wanted to act now. He wasn’t sure what the guys were waiting for. Did they think things were going to change? Were the Krauts gonna suddenly start treating them like real fucking people? He didn’t think so. Bucky had abandoned ship, almost killed a pair of kids, had nearly been beaten to death, and tasted the brains of a man who got his head bludgeoned and all of it was feeling unnecessarily unimportant.

The one person he wanted to save the most - Buck - didn’t want to make a move. He didn’t even want to try. And Bucky, he had made a promise before embarking on his mission, a promise to try to live and see the girl of his dreams in her white, frilly, silk sleep set and he had made a promise to himself to get his best friend home safe but none of that was happening. He was stuck. Unmoving. A hollow shell of the man he once was. Imprisoned.

Now Bucky wasn’t an idiot. He could see it in the faces of his guys all around him - the way in which they eyed his every move or were careful with their chosen words when speaking to him like he was a rabid dog who would bite at any given second. Bucky was supposed to be a leader but in light of things he’d become nothing but a burden to the boys who looked up to him. A waste of space and a waste of a bunk if you asked him. He’d be more useful dead. At least then his boys could have his jacket and his beanie and his gloves and blanket and take everything so they could stay warm and alive until the day came. Not that he could voice it. He didn’t want to deal with Buck’s sad eyes or more of Brady’s prayers or DeMarco’s crazy fucking look everytime they locked eyes.

I’m still trying, he thought but had no hope of Julie Jean listening on the other side.

There was no contact between them. Every couple of weeks mail came but none of it was from her. There’d been letters from his momma, of course - his momma was a saint - but while he would die for his mom he suddenly didn’t feel the will to live for her. She would only end up disappointed in him too. Her son was a rake. Useless. Dirty. No marriage, no children.

He was no good to his sisters either. What example was he setting?

His Jeanie was who he ached for and who he missed. She’d been the one keeping him together before here and to have her suddenly ripped away was like cutting off one of his legs and signing him up for a marathon. It was senseless to be without her. For years he hadn’t gone more than a handful of days with no new letter and no new photo. She was real selfless that way.

Africa had made him restless but when he returned there had been two letters and five new photographs waiting. He had mailed out his own explanation the next morning but another letter had already arrived: worried for him. He was important to her and she never made him doubt it. Thoughts of Jeanie helped center him, made breathing feel easier, and tempered his moods but none of it lasted for more than a couple of hours.

John Brady was a good kid. Catholic, brave, and a damn stone in Bucky’s shoe. He was a great leader to his crew, the most even tempered man in the entire 8th Air Force, and a talented pilot. Brady never questioned Bucky, he was always quick to initiate what their Major wanted done and more times than not Bucky caught the young guy watching him. One time Bucky had overheard him mouthing off to new arrivals who had said Bucky was no more than a ‘fun-time. Surely he couldn’t be a good leader.’ Brady hadn’t liked that and only after the new arrivals had left red-faced and close to tears had Bucky whistled to announce his presence.

“You don’t need to waste your breath defending me, Brady,” Bucky had told him, swinging an arm around his lanky shoulders as they exited the officer’s club. “All I need from you is to keep doing what you’re doing up there.”

“Major all due respect - I will never sit back and let someone who don’t know squat about being up there mouth off about you or Major Cleven. How you choose to soldier on, that’s your business, sir.”

Little brother Brady, Buck referred to him as. Bucky’s little brother that is. Apparently it wasn’t news to anyone on base that Brady was always sticking up for him, or popping his collar like him, or implementing rules Egan had set when he was Air Exec. He wasn’t anymore but Brady insisted his way was the correct way and so his rules stayed.

And no, Brady never questioned him but still - the kid was always the first to see through Bucky. Before the mission he was aware Bucky had no intention of returning without Buck and still he let his Major co-pilot. He never questioned any of Bucky’s requests or standard but when he didn’t agree there was always a witty remark or dry look that had Bucky’s face turning red. Like when the kid had been adamant to jump only after Bucky.

Or, more recently, how Brady created The Wall of Hopes and Dreams, - a wall solely for Bucky’s hopes and dreams that had multiple photos of Lana Tierney plastered - and his worry for his Major had him grabbing Bucky’s hand and physically dragging him to the wall.

“Come on now, Major Egan,” he worriedly bit on his lower lip, hands on his thin hips. He wasn’t blind; his superior officer had been far from okay the last couple of days. Lingering too close to the gates. Provoking guards. “We come to the Wall of Hopes and Dreams -”

“ — also known as the Spunk wall — ” Demarco.

“ - present Major John Egan who has come to pledge his promise of life and sanity to his girl, Miss Lana Tierney, also known as A.C.O.R.N.. Major, if you please.”

Bucky sighed. He spared a glance to Buck who was seated at the table also looking resigned to what was about to occur. They all must have been really worried if no one was trying to intercept the filthiness that was gonna be uttered and sworn under God and every man in their cabin.

Bucky shrugged; wasn’t the first time and his men would feel better. Brady did look real worried.

“Julie Jean,” he began, refusing to call her anything but her true name. The name she signed all her letters with. “First and foremost I promise to uphold my promise of life to you. That includes not doing any of the stupid things Buck and Brady warn me against. Under their wise guidance I shall return safely to you.” They should be proud - he barely allowed any sarcasm to seep in.

Buck was still watching, no hint of him shying away yet.

“And what else, Major?” Brady was incessentantly tapping a foot and chewing on a thumbnail.

Bucky felt guilty. He was really doing a number on the poor guy.

“I promise to return home with my own two hands so that I can help you hold your rack and take the ache off your back.”

And there it was. Gale’s blush. But when Bucky turned his head to check, he still hadn’t looked away.

“I promise to remain safe in my entirety and protect my - uhh - little major so that you can assist in keeping him warm and wet for me.”

DeMarco coughed to hide a laugh. The Wall of Hopes and Dreams was something that Brady held strongly about so out of respect for him the guys played along. Even though sometimes trying to contain their laughter ended with choking on their saliva.

“Julie Jean I will uphold my promise to you of keeping you satisfied and full of my spunk - ” DeMarco was having a hard time dealing tonight if his chortles and coughs were anything to go by “ - and give you all those babies I wrote about in my first letter.”

“Jesus, Bucky, the first?!” DeMarco exclaimed, laughing.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him but Brady’s touch to his elbow reminded him he still had a couple of more oaths before he could walk away.

“I hereby promise to give you that good pounding I mentioned in letter 23, section 2 - so kindly arranged in numerical order by Biddick, may he rest in peace.”

A few of the guys chuckled at the antics but all of them were sure to nod in their agreement. All the men they had lost stayed with them. One way or another - in the sky, in their hearts, where their bunks lay, and they were even brought to the spunk wall.

“What else, Major?” Brady insisted, still on a mission to finish this. All the guys may have found it a joke but Brady was sure it worked. Only a couple of hours but he would take it. Those hours gave his Major hope again so he found this tedious antic worth it because so.

“And I promise to fulfill A.C.O.R.N to the best of my abilities once I’ve returned home -”

“ — maybe she can sit on your face and straighten your huge nose — ” that was Crank jumping in.

“I also promise, Julie Jean, to kick all of these guys asses as soon as we escape this hell hole for making me say all this filthy shit and I will knock any of them out if they even imagine any of this with you.”

All the guys were so happy at the Major getting some of his fight back into him that they didn’t tremble (too much, that is) at the threat. Since her first photo arrived their balls had been under the threat of their Major so it was also nothing new.

“I, Major John Egan, solemnly swear to uphold these promises to the best of my ability by staying alive, staying safe, and all in all, not being a mopey son of a bitch. Thank you.”

He turned with a smile, he couldn’t fight it off any longer and was met with the cheers and hugs of his men.

Brady let out a sigh of relief as the oath was finished. Tomorrow would be a better day.

Buck was still seated at the table but like Bucky figured, he was too prude to make any eye contact with the guys.

“You didn’t stop it,” Bucky shrugged, sliding back into his bunk with an air of faux innocence and ignoring Gale’s glare. He laughs, wholeheartedly.

Turning his back to the guys, he slides his photo from under his pillow. The one of her that he kept on the sole of his shoe for every mission. Of her smiling bright, a shoulder of her gown sliding off, a peak at the goods but not enough to be explicit. She radiated happiness and that’s why he chose it as the one he kept with him.

From his time on German ground, his time in the water and the forced march through town it’d been discolored and wrinkled and the colors had begun to fade into one another but it’s all he had and he refused to give it up.

He could still trace the radiance of her smile. The shape of her hair and the swell of her breasts. She would be a foot shorter than him - possibly not even reach his shoulder - and in his bunk, trying to find sleep Bucky thought of other things instead.

He’d be able to curl her into his chest and wrap his arms around her completely. She could hide in him and feel safe. She was often telling him she had only felt truly safe when he began writing to her. And even though they had never met she had claimed his lap to be her designated seat once they were in each other’s presence.

“We could make room for everyone else,” she was so helpful.

He presses the photo to his nose. Imagining he could smell her. Kiss the pout of her lips or the chub of her cheeks.

“I’m gonna marry you,” he swears, ignoring the chatter of the boys behind him and pressing his lips to her distorted image.

If I make it home is left out because Bucky’s aware that Julie Jean would want no association with the possibility of him not making it back. For her it wasn’t an option.

#all credit to Miss Bri for this one #dear John #💌asks #masters of the air #mota fanfic #John Egan #bucky egan fanfic #Bucky Egan Fanfiction

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