#breaking bad jokes abound

[winters-rose-daughterofcain]

While I'm at it both Colin and Pen are so brave and trusting of each other this season and it's a huge reason why the pacing works for me. This post from @dollypopup goes into detail about the kiss and the bravery it took for Penelope to ask and how important and meaningful it is for her ark (in a far better way than I can), but I think it can translate thought out a lot of what they both do. (Elaborating on this post.)

So much of their relationship is driven by an active want to continue, grow and improve it. They start talking again because Colin notices she's upset and makes the effort to follow her and see what's wrong, they make up after last season because, once again Colin makes the active choice to visit her, apologise, and agree to help her with what she wants. Because there is a baseline there, there is trust and friendship and respect already established from years of knowing each other and the last two seasons. He already values her and cares for her and so makes an effort to maintain their relationship. She trusts him and loves him and knows him well enough to see past this new act, and she accepts his help and apology readily.

Then their lessons happen because they make the effort the seek each other out, Colin actually listens to her about her insecurity and comfort and ranges for them to practise at the Bridgerton house because it was a safe, calm, stress free environment. And it worked, she opened up (as much as she ever dose lol) because he knows her already and she is comfortable enough around him to let her guard down and even let some of her true feelings out, even if unintentionally.

The kiss has already been discussed and said much better than I ever could lol, but it really really is so important. It's not chance or coincidence or force that kickstarts their relationship it's Pen. At one of her lowest moments It's Pen and her choice and her love and her trust and bravery in that moment to ask Colin what she wants and be open and vulnerable in a way she almost never allows herself to be, in a way woman as a whole are punished and looked down on and seen as lesser for doing (clearly, as seen by peoples reactions.) And she is reworded for her bravery by a beautiful, tender, blissful kiss. She wanted to be loved even for a moment and she so aching obviously was.

Then after that they take a break from each other for a little at least in the sense of spending time together, but they continue thinking about each other they entire time.

And in the end, even if it took some help from Violet, it's Colin's actions that lead to that ending. It's hope and bravery and love and desperation that led him storming into that ball half way through and interrupting dances and chasing carriages. It's bravery and vulnerability and trust in Pen, who has always been there for him, always been constant, always been patient and kind and steady, as well as love, that leads to him being able to give a confession like that and her feeling everything in equal parts for him that allows her to actually confess her feeling for him for the first time in the entire show.

Obviously all stories are driven by characters making choices, and outside influence definitely played a role in theirs, but so much of it was them both trusting each other and being brave enough to take a leap of faith and hope to be caught, and they always are. We (I) joke that they're stupid in love and down bad and absolutely unhinged feel loser behaviour abounds, because it's funny and true. But at the heart of it is so much care and unsaid words and bravery that in the end proves worth it because of who they are to each other and how much love is there.

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt. 49)

(Sneak Peek) (Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: a series of bad days has hobi feeling all sorts of fragile. you keep him from breaking.

Tags: Hurt/ comfort, Hobi x m/c focus, self-esteem issues, implied/referenced self-harm (not in like a intentional way, more in a letting yourself get hurt to prove a point way), falling in love, transphobia, Homophobia, Flashbacks to past Sexual assault, coerced sex, Manipulation, Implied emotional abuse. 

W/c: 10.0k

A/n: Be mindful the tags with this one! I wouldn’t say that the self-harm in this is like- the most triggering thing i’ve ever written but still! there is a SERIOUS homophobia (alphaphobia?) in this sneek peek! ALSO- the lovely @imperiussexrex​ has made a little bily Discord server over here- be mindful of the rules and tbh SPOILERS ABOUND- but its been really nice to talk to people! 

Previous Chapter - Masterlist

Chapter 49 Sneak Peek: Rotting Halo 

The shame follows him when he leaves too, making his feet drag the whole walk home. He hunches his shoulders against the sun- isn’t fall supposed to be cloudy? Why did it have to be such a nice day when Hobi’s in such a black mood? He knows the way home by memory, he barely has to think to walk it. 

In a few months, it will be too cold to make the trip, and he’ll have to use his car all the time.

Hobi genuinely loves his car- but after the initial fanfare it had gotten a lot harder to drive to work. At first the purr of the engine was intoxicating, equally as enticing as the idea that he finally he had something so nice that was only his. There’s a sense of identity in it; The car looks like him the same way that looking at the house feels like looking at you and Yoongi. The average person wouldn't say that places should hold so much meaning, but to Hobi they do. 

The car is a place to him, a small little bundle of safety and pack that he can transport wherever. A portable vestibule for the packs prayers in the form of beach trips and fastfood runs. It’s funny to be nostalgic over something that hasn’t happened yet. But Hobi knows that he’ll drive the car until it rusts out. 

At first, he even liked the looks that passersby’s shot him. a bright-eyed kid here, an old sailor with a rough-hewed face there. But then the hushed murmurs and jealous jabs started. The casual indifference of his coworkers and the insistence that Hobi could pick up the late-night hours.

“Or do you not want to risk getting mugged when you drive home- oh wait I forgot you live in the nice part of town now-”

Yesterday at work, he’d overheard something he shouldn’t have, he’d finished up early on an order for a wedding (too many white roses, too much baby’s breath) and had headed out back to help unload more annual flats with the rest of the coworkers. His body hidden by the box truck. the sound of his steps quieting as gravel became packed dusty earth and his paced slowed.

 He recognized the hushed sound of a secret. The low tones of people who don’t want to be overheard. 

“Funny that we get all the hard work when carrot top in there gets to play with daisies all day” the plastic trays thud against the metal plant racks. 

“Boss plays favorites and it’s not like he needs the money” Hobi had gone still,  The bitter huff, the derision leaking from their voices- every bit of it rubs Hobi raw “Hobi's just a sugar baby.”

 “I’m not surprised. I kind of thought-” the person breaks off saying something Hobi can't hear, indistinguishable from the rush and thump of unloading trays. “-Wonder what he had to do to get that car.”

“Probably a lot. Can you believe he’s got 3 other alphas in his pack? That kind of dynamic can’t be fun.”

“What you think he takes a knot up the ass or something?” The jab prompts laughter. The joke clearly hitting on some sort of grade school level humor but Hobi just burns regardless, unable to be brave and just come around the side of the truck and confront them about it. Because Hobi can never be brave when it’s just himself on the line. Anger makes him shake and he has to ball his hands into fists to keep himself from trembling.

“I’m saying it’s already weird that an alpha likes flowers so much.”

Coming Saturday March 4th at 5pm EST (Timezone adjustments below) 

[missacidburn928s-heathenhideaway]

I'm Longing To Linger Til Dawn, Dear

Wordcount: 12k

Thor x POC Singer!Reader “Honey” x Bucky. Thor x POC Singer!Reader “Honey” x Bucky x Steve.

Summary:

After a successful mission with the Guardians, Tony decides celebrations are in order. What better place to do that than the Jazz club Honey works at. Especially if it’s a surprise for their favorite songstress.

Warnings:

Smut, Humor, Fluff and Crack, Shameless Smut, Gratuitous Smut, Polyamory, Female Character of Color, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Light BDSM, Dom/sub Undertones, Light Dom/sub, Dom Steve Rogers, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom Thor (Marvel), Threesome - F/M/M, Foursome - F/M/M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Vaginal Sex, Bad Jokes, MusicJazz - Freeform, Celebrations, Partying

Notes:

Hello Heathens! This took me some time to finish but I'm happy with the end result. This installment is very song heavy. I created an entire set list that I will post in the end notes to give credit where credit is due and not give anything away. I will also have links embedded to the songs as well. Bold are song lyrics Italics are thoughts Happy Reading!

Banner by @cafekitsune Divider by @firefly-graphics

Dirty, worn out and all together disheveled, The Avengers, along with the Guardians of the Galaxy and a battle-worn Valkyrie, prepare to load on to their respective aircrafts and embark on the journey home. 

“Revels abound! Thank you Guardians! And you as well Brunhilde for the aid in our victory! You are most welcome to join in our post mission celebrations. I am sure Tony can accommodate you at the compound.” Thor boasts joyfully in his post battle glory. He is a God of war afterall. 

“How generous of you Point Break to go ahead and invite the rag tag band of misfits to our home.” Tony retorts as he rids himself of his Iron Man suit with the push of a button. 

“You are most welcome Stark.” Your golden retriever of a man, pleased with himself, replies. Steve and Bucky just shake their heads and chuckle.

“Right. Well, Quill. You guys like music right. You’re blaring it all the time it seems. I have an idea where we can celebrate tonight actually. But we're all gonna need to clean up real nice for it. I can provide what you need but I’m going to need to send everyone's sizes to Pep. Also my fellow Avengers, anyone you want to tag along I’m gonna need to know about to also send to Pep. Except you three.” He points to your trio with a raised brow. 

“Why not us three?” The Captain replies, brows furrowed.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist Capsicle. I have a reason. Seeing as we’ll be heading to your little Honey’s club to celebrate, I figured you’d want to surprise her. Therefore negating the need for me to know your plus one. Actually do you know if she is even working tonight?” He inquires.

Buck is quick to reply. “It’s the third Saturday of the month so she may not be. She usually takes it off so she can have a free weekend once a month with us. But we all left quickly for this mission and barely had a chance to check in with her so that may have changed. I’d have to find out.” 

Nat saunters over. “No need. I spoke with her yesterday and she decided to switch her night off for next weekend. Plus she wanted to be there to support Sy as he’s stepping out from just the band and back vocals to warming up the crowd on his own for the first time tonight.” 

“Sy?” Steve asks.

“Yeah. He’s her ex fuck buddy. But they’re still close friends. She got him the job at Chanticleers actually.” She smirks.

“Wait. You mean the bearded guy built like a fucking brickhouse that plays the guitar and piano?” Bucky pipes in.

“That would be him, yes.”

“Makes sense they would have history together. He looks like a damn Viking. Could almost give me and Steve a run for our money. Guess it’s time to get to know this Sy a little better if he’s spending so much time with our girl during the week.” He gives Steve and Thor a look and it seems they're all on the same page with that one. 

They just want to make sure no one encroaches on what’s rightfully theirs. One can never be too careful.

“Oooh that’s gonna be fun to watch. I’ve never seen all of them get all possessive before. They share so well normally.” Tony intones. “Looks like it’s settled then. We’ll head to the compound, get dressed up and then it's off to Chanticleers to watch these three lose their minds. I’m quite excited to see the little vixen in her element. That display at my afterparty was nice but I need the full immersive experience.” 

“Steven has never actually seen her perform at the club before. This will be a most promising venture in self control for him. I can not wait. To the Quinjet. Brunhilde you will ride with us.” Thor turns on his heel and heads on to the jet.

Another Saturday night, another evening to impart your special brand of entertainment on the souls packed into this little club. 

Chanticleers is not some big swanky Jazz bar with layers of silk lining the walls and balcony seats. Oh no, Chanticleers is a sweet little spot full of charm and sass. Just like it’s beloved performers. 

It doesn’t look like much from the outside, but that’s the point. If every Tom, Dick and Harry knew of the place, it would lose what’s most special about it. Stepping through those doors is like stepping back in time with a twist. 

A vast space of brick walls painted black and crimson, filled with colorful abstract jazz art created by local Artists of color. A moderate sized stage, complete with a big band setup, stands proudly against the back wall. Situated to the left of the stage, is where the bar is located, complete with a red cedar counter and suspender wearing barkeep with a gentlemans cut. A small dance floor sits in front of the stage surrounded by various tables. Large booths line the remaining walls, leaving space for a small hallway that leads to the restrooms and backstage areas. 

You're currently nestled in the dressing room. Perched on the velvet bench of the vanity, putting on the finishing touches of your makeup, a deep crimson lip. Tonight you’ve gone for neutral tones with a bold lip and light smokey eye. Your entire look is low key sexy. Just enough skin to entice but enough hidden to have them imagining what could possibly be hidden underneath. You want the attention to be on your performance, not your looks after all. 

With a final smack of your lips, and an air kiss to the mirror you head out to the wings to check on how Sy is handling warming up the crowd on his own.  

As you approach the curtain you watch on as every woman is enraptured by the mammoth of a man with the buttery baritone voice. He was nervous that no would listen and he’d get booed off the stage. I told him he had nothing to worry about. I knew he'd be soaking panties left and right once he opened his mouth. 

Scanning the crowd you notice a couple servers heading towards a roped off section of the club with a rather large order of drinks on their trays. I don’t remember there being a party reserved for tonight. Must be a last minute large group. No matter. I’ll make sure tonight is worth the price tag I know comes with those seats. 

Eyes following the path of the servers you spot a very familiar redhead dressed to the nines in all black, sandwiched between a very dapper looking scientist and surprisingly pulled together archer in a purple suit. Only Clint would don a purple suit for a night on the town.

Upon closer inspection you realize the rest of the Avengers, complete with significant others and the Guardians are in attendance. You even spot Brunhilde looking like a warrior goddess in sea foam green holding court next to Thor.  

Those cheeky little assholes. They must have finished their mission and came out to celebrate. I’m sure the billionaire and the widow have something to do with them all being here. But I’m not complaining. My men look fucking delectable. A full four courses. They know what they’re doing too. But so do I. They’ll fall under my spell just like the rest.

You take a moment to admire your little harem of dashing men. They do clean up very well. It’s not the first or last time you’ll see them donning a suit but something about the informal formal wear is doing something to you. It’s like they all chose violence this evening, attacking you with their collective big dick energy. Seriously, it was enough to have you ruining your panties. 

Bucky in his black on black suit, sans tie, top two buttons undone, hair slicked back and day old stubble along his jaw. Steve with his hair in a perfect deep gentleman's cut, well trimmed beard adorning his face, donning a dark blue three piece suit, complete with striped tie and pocket square. Let’s not forget Thor, looking very much the modern day King, in a deep teal blazer, gray slacks, a white button down with the top three buttons undone and blonde locks loosely pulled back into a low bun. 

Seriously you’re going to have to channel all of this lust into your vocals so you can even the playing field. Let the show begin.

The house lights dim, signaling the main show is about to begin. Sy has moved to sit with the band that surrounds a single vintage microphone, placed dead center of the stage. 

The lights go out for a brief moment before a lone spot light illuminates you, with your black stiletto nails wrapped so carefully around the mic. Dream A Little Dream Of Me begins to play and your sultry haunting voice starts to fill the space. 

Your eyes drift through the crowd. Pulling the guests in with your subtle seductive movements. You finally allow yourself to look toward the section you know your men are occupying and zone in on the three of them. You can clearly see this particular song is having an effect on Bucky and Steve. It is a song from their glory days afterall. Thor just seems enticed with your body as you move along to the music and he sips on the amber liquid in his glass.

Not one to shy away from a moment to tease your men when they have no other choice but to wait patiently until they can have you to themselves, you keep your eyes locked on your Super Soldiers as you near the end of your first song of the night. 

“Stars fading but I linger on, dear Still craving your kiss I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear Just saying this Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you But in your dreams whatever they be Dream a little dream of me”

As the last note is finished, a saccharine sweet smile adorns your face as you address the club.

“Welcome everyone to Chanticleers. You can call me Honey. I’ll be your songstress for the evening. For those new faces among the crowd, let me tell ya a bit about what we do here.” You keep your gaze on the section full of superheroes and their guests as you elaborate. 

“Our little Jazz Club. Or speakeasy. Quite honestly both terms fit the bill.” The room chuckles at your little joke. “Chanti’s is a place to forget about the world outside for a bit and escape to another time and place. That time and place can be whatever you need it to be in your mind's eye. We just provide a starting point for some and a special place for others.” 

Tony looks intrigued as you continue on. “You’re in for a treat tonight, if I do say so myself. You have already had the pleasure of meeting one of our band members, Sy, as he graced the stage by his lonesome for the first time to provide you with ambiance before we got started tonight. Let’s give him a nice round of applause for keeping you heathens happy while I got suited and booted for tonight.” Sy glares daggers your way and just shakes his head while the audience claps for him.

“He really was wonderful, wasn't he, ladies? Before I get sidetracked, tonight's Big Band Night. What’s that you say? Well every song performed tonight, no matter the decade or genre, will be done in a 40s/50s style. So grab a drink, make sure your dance partner is near and let’s get on with the show.”

The band starts playing a jazzy rendition of Hit ‘Em Up Style. 

The section containing your men and their friends watches on captivated as you play around with an early 2000’s classic. Being sassy and coy while delivering lyrics about getting revenge on a cheating ex, as the dance floor in front of you begins to fill with couples. You begin to do a little impromptu scatting, Steve and Bucky share a quick look with each other, clearly communicating something without words. 

Bucky leans over and whispers in Steve’s ear. “Weren’t expecting her to throw you back to the dance halls, were ya pal?” He shakes his head no in response. “Don’t worry, it did the same thing to me the first time too. She truly is a wet dream personified. Let me guess? We’re only on the second song of the night and your dick is probably already making your pants uncomfortable.” Again he nods. “Thought so. We can show her how much we appreciated her performance later. Maybe she’ll give us a private encore.”

The song ends with you giving a wink to Steve as you walk to the piano with the mic in your hand.

“This one’s for the lovers out there.” You hop up onto the piano lid as the first chords of a sweet tempoed version of All of Me commences. 

You croon softly atop the piano for about half of the song before you proceed to make your way back to the mic stand and really throw your voice into the end of this ballad. 

“Give me all of you, oh Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts Risking it all, though it's hard 'Cause all of me Loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginnin' Even when I lose, I'm winnin' 'Cause I give you all of me And you give me all of you I give you all of me And you give me all of you, oh-oh”

“So you’re telling me, that the hot chick with a voice up there is dating not only Thor but Steve and Bucky as well?” Quill asks Brunhilde.

“Yes Quill. That’s precisely what I’m telling you. Now would you quiet down so I can continue to enjoy the show?” She quips back.

“Continue to undress Honey’s former paramour with your eyes is more like it. Brunhilde you are looking at him like, what’s that phrase Honey likes to use? Ah yes…like a snack.” Thors jests at the Valkyrie. 

“He is quite a feast for the eyes. Never you mind where mine wander too. Keep yours on that delectable little siren of yours. I can see why she needs three of you.” She cracks back. 

“Who’s all ready to show off those dancing skills? There’s a man back there I know for fact could show you lot a thing or two about how to woo a woman on the dance floor. I also know a man back there who thinks his hips are a god's gift to women. So I say…why don't we have a little dance off? What do you think?” You question the crowd but your focus is on a smirking Bucky and shock faced Sam.

“I know she is not saying that Tin Man can best me on the dance floor.” The aghast Falcon replies.

“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what she’s saying. Don't want you to embarrass yourself in front of your lady friend Sam. Maybe you should sit this one out and let Buck give the room a lesson.” Nat instigates.

“Oh hell naw. Buck get up. We’re doing this. You’re going down old man.” Sam grabs his date and heads to the floor.

“Did ya really have to rial him up so much Nat? For that, you’re going to be my partner. For once, please just follow my lead.” He chuckles and holds out his hand for her to take as they make their way to the dance floor. 

“Looks like my challenge has been accepted. Sy if you wouldn’t mind…” 

A little dramatic piano intro begins followed quickly by your sultry voice. 

“Heeeeeyyyy. Yeeeaaaah. I wanna shoop baaaaabaaaabbbyyy yeah huh.”

The band swings in as you begin to rap along to this Big Band version of Salt ‘n Peppa’s Shoop. A stunned Sam fumbles to grab his date as Buck and Nat have already begun to swing to the up tempo beat. 

The audience is going wild watching Bucky do his thing while Sam tries to keep up. Others have joined in on the fun but Steve can’t keep his eyes off you as you dance and play along on stage and with the crowd, cheering Bucky on. How the hell did I get so lucky to share this woman with my best friends. She has no idea what is going to be in store for her tonight.

Bucky tosses Nat in the air and catches her just as you're ending the song. 

“I like what ya do. When ya dooo. I like it…when ya… shoooooooo….OOOOOOOOp…yeah yeah!” 

The audience erupts in cheers as Bucky places Nat down and grins over at Sam. “Not so old now am I?”

“Whatever man. You only won cus this is your decade.” Sam pouts.

You shake your head and get the room's attention again. “ Wooo wee was that something. Thank you for that, really. Now we’re starting to near the end of tonight’s set. I think after that high it’s best that we slow it down and ease on into the rest of your night. Here’s some Rihanna to ease that burn Sammy.” You wink at the pride wounded man as Sy strikes up the beginning chords to Love On The Brain.

Only you and Sy are lit with a spotlight as you lose yourself in the song and lyrics. Your feelings leaking out into the room as you think about your men. Such different temperaments and styles of dominant male and yet it's the perfect combination for you. Thor with his sweet soft Caring Dom vibes. Bucky with his intense Primal Dom urges. Let’s not forget that perfect Gentleman Dom that is Steve. They are everything you need and more. 

You make sure to maintain eye contact with the three of them as you serenade the audience.

“Don't you stop loving me (loving me) Don't quit loving me (loving me) Just start loving me (loving me) Oh, and baby I'm fist fighting with fire Just to get close to you Can we burn something, babe? And I run for miles just to get a taste Must be love on the brain That's got me feeling this way (feeling this way) It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good And I can't get enough Must be love on the brain yeah And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name) No matter what I do, I'm no good without you And I can't get enough Must be love on the brain”

Their eyes don't stop devouring you once. As you finish the song you're a bit of a panting mess. You’re most definitely keyed up and ready to be off this stage and surrounded by your men. Two more songs to go and then the real fun can begin. 

They all unconsciously take a sip of their matching amber drinks at the same time. A glint of mischief in all their eyes.

“We’re taking it back this time. A nice little moment to hold your dearest and sway on the dance floor. Come on down. Don't be shy. Now’s your chance to hold them extra close and work your magic.” 

You perform Billie Holidays version of It Had To Be You with such a calm cool ease. You’ve been singing this song since you were little. It’s become second nature to you. Watching all the couples on the dance floor warms your heart. It allows you to quickly transition to the next song. 

“Lovers. Remain where you are as we bring the tempo up a bit.” 

The band plays a 40s swing cover of Still Into You. It’s light and fun and sweet. Like all the couples cuddled up on the dance floor. 

“Some things just, some things just make sense And one of those is you and I (Hey) Some things just, some things just make sense And even after all this time (Hey) I'm into you, baby, not a day goes by That I'm not into you”

Once the song ends, as always you introduce the band before singing your last song. You notice Brunhilde hasn't kept her eyes off Sy all night. I see you spying my former Viking B and I don't blame you. 

It’s finally time to end your set and leave the patrons of this lovely establishment to venture off on their own adventures for the rest of the night.

“Tonight has been a blast and I hope that we’ve been able to provide you with the escape you needed. We have one last song for you tonight before you head out on your merry way. But don't be surprised if it has you coming back for more.” A devilish smile illuminates your face as you perform your final seduction of the night.

“I put a spell on you because you're mine You better stop the things that you do I ain't lyin', no, I ain't lyin' I just can't stand it babe The way you're always runnin' 'round I just can't stand it, the way you always put me down I put a spell on you because you're mine I put a spell on you because you're mine You better stop the things that you do I ain't lyin', no, I ain't lyin' I just can't stand it babe The way you're always runnin' 'round I just can't stand it, the way you always put me down I put a spell on you because you're mine I put a spell on you. I put a spell on you I put a spell on you. I put a spell on you”

It’s as if you really did put a spell on the crowd. The room is full of hungry eyes and pent up tension that needs a release. Just the way you like to end a night. 

“Once again, I’m Honey, your resident songstress. Thank you for giving me your time and attention. Goodnight everyone.”

You blow the crowd a kiss as the lights go out and you hurry backstage while you wait for the crowd to dissipate. Downing some much needed water as your manager approaches you to let you know that Tony Stark has decided that he doesn’t want his night to end here and has rented out the club for the rest of the night so he and his friends can “continue the party with some privacy”. He’s even paying extra for any band member that wishes to stay and play if they are needed. 

Of course Mr. Money Bags rented out the club. Oh well. Maybe I’ll get a chance to actually dance with my men and have some fun. I really have missed them.

After a touch up to your makeup and finalizing who in the band is staying, you’re ready to head back out and enjoy the rest of your night. It’s been a long 2 weeks without your men and limited contact. Plus you’re kind of excited to introduce them to Sy. Knowing Nat, she most likely already stirred the pot and dropped the little fact that he’s your ex fuckbuddy who you’re still close to.

Speaking of the grizzly bear of a Southern gentleman, he’s heading your way.

“Hey Sugar. Ya ready for all that hullabalu out there? Should I be concerned that I’m gonna get a super hero beat down from your men or just an interrogation?” He gives you his arm to latch onto as you make your way down the hall out into the main room.  

“Honestly, I don't quite know Sy. They’re fine sharing with each other and they aren't much of the jealous type. It’s not like we’re still fucking. I think Tony may give you more trouble than them. Maybe even Sam. Although I’m sure there will be questions. They are a nosy bunch. Answer them however you see fit. I have nothing to hide. But I can only speak for me. If I know my men the way I think I do, ya’ll might just end up best friends sharing stories before the night is over.” You laugh out and smile brightly at the scruffy mountain of a man.

The scene you walk into is one you are actually familiar with by this point in your relationship. The room is full of raucous laughter and chatter as the Avengers and Guardians let themselves enjoy a night free of responsibility. 

You find your men sitting at a booth. Steve and Thor are engaged in a conversation with Brunhilde while Sam and Bucky bicker about that dance off. Cleary Sam is still bitter that he lost. 

Bucky catches your eye as you approach them, still on Sy’s arm. 

“Hey there sweetness. You were amazing tonight as always.” At his greeting, the rest of the table turns your way with grins on their faces.

“You most certainly were Doll. Brought back some memories for me and most certainly created some new and hopefully future ones.” Steve comments with a wink and a smirk.

“And you looked ravishing as always, my Queen.” Thor imparts with his panty melting smile.

You feel heat begin to rise in your cheeks and core at the praise you’ve just received. These suave bastards know just what they’re doing. 

“Why thank you boys. I do aim to please.” You give a little curtsy.

Bucky lifts his glass and stares you deep in the eyes with his heated gaze. “Oh you most certainly hit the mark babygirl.”

He maintains eye contact as he takes a sip of his drink, quirking one brow.

You swallow back a whimper as you remain clutched to Sy’s arm. “What ya got in that glass Sarg?”

He crooks two of his metal fingers at you in a come hither fashion as he answers you. “Why don’t you let go of your former fuckbuddy and come over here and find out.”

You unlatch yourself from Sy and proceed over to Bucky, who wraps his metal arm around your waist and pulls you down onto his lap. Before you have a chance to get comfortable he leans in and kisses you. Running his tongue along your bottom lip for entrance, until you open up and get the first taste of whiskey on his tongue. There’s no holding back the small moan at this point. 

He knows what getting that second hand taste of that particular beverage does to you. You begin to melt as the kiss gets deeper and a little more heated. You completely forget you're in a room full of people at your place of work. Sam clearing his throat knocks you both out of your lust drunk stupor.

“That’s one way to mark your territory.” Sam snarks before turning to Sy. “Hey man, I’m Sam. I am not attached to Honey in any way other than being a friend to these knuckleheads. You’re Sy right?” He reaches his hand out.

“That would be correct. Nice ta meet ya.” Sy shakes his hand then proceeds to reach over you to Bucky. “Syverson but you can call me Sy. I presume your James Barnes?”

They shake hands. “Bucky is fine man. Nice to put a face to the name.”

“Likewise.” He turns to Steve next. “I know a fellow Captain when I see one. Nice to meet you, Captain Rogers.”

“Fellow Captain huh? You retired?” They shake hands.

“Been out for about three years now. Was ready for a slower pace ta life. This one definitely helped with that transition.” He nods his head towards you.

“I’m sure she did.” He smirks and sets off butterflies in your stomach. 

“You must be the God of Thunder himself. Nice to meet your acquaintance, your majesty.” Sy bows his head to Thor as you let out a giggle. Both from the action and from the fingers Bucky was softly teasing up your side.

“No need for all that. Thor is just fine, former paramour of my Queen’s. I agree with James. It is nice to put a face to the name we’ve recently heard about.”  He boasts in his usual jovial fashion.

He catches Brunhilde watching him with a lustful gaze at this point. “And who is this lovely woman?”

“Brunhilde. You did great work up there. I rather enjoyed it.”

She reaches out her hand and he grabs it to set a kiss upon her knuckles. “You’re very welcome.” 

Of course Sam just has to break the building sexual tension with his nosy ass tendencies. “I’d ask how you know Honey girl, but Nat filled us in on the jet about your prior friends with benefits status. So I’ll ask instead how ya’ll met?”

The glare you gave him could melt an iceberg.

Sy just shakes his head at your reaction. “I’m fine telling that story. But Imma need a seat and a drink to properly tell it.” He grabs a chair from a nearby table and spins it around so that he can straddle it with his massive thighs. Laying a thick forearm on the back he waves and shouts over at Calista the only bartender remaining. “Hey Darlin can you grab our usual? Make mine a double and bring a glass of water with Sugar’s Hot Toddy please. Thanks.”

Steve arches a brow and cocks his head to the side. “Sugar?”

Sy breaks out in a smug smile. “Yeah. That’s what I’ve always called her. Sweet as sugar. Wild as fire. I get why you lot and everyone else calls her Honey though. Be good to her and she gives you nothing but sweetness. Fuck with her and she’ll sting. It is what it is.”

You smile sweetly at him while all three of your men nod along to his reasoning as Calista places your drinks down and pats Sy on the shoulder. “Need anything else just let me know.” 

“Alright you’ve got your drink and a seat. Spill mountain man.” Sam impatiently rushes out. “I feel like this is a good story and I can’t wait to see Tin Man here squirm.” 

You just roll your eyes at his antics. 

Chuckling Sy begins. “Sugar and I met one night about two and a half years back. I was just six months out of the Army back then and trying to adjust to civilian life and all the excess down time I had. My friends dragged me out of my apartment to a bar called Loomis’ for the night. Apparently it was this crazy bar with 90s Horror memorabilia all over the walls and a huge picture of Billy Loomis from Scream licking food colored corn syrup from his fingers over the back of bar, where the all female bartenders, who were ‘fucking smoking’, would get up on the bar and dance throughout the night.”

You can’t help but chime in. “ My good friend and former dancer, Eli, owned it. She was short staffed and asked me to fill in since it was a busy night and I used to work there when I was broke and needed quick cash. I kind of missed the chaos so I agreed.” 

“Right. Well that little tidbit I did not know. Thanks Sugar. Anyways. I was enjoying my time and the place was packed. Somehow me and my buddys made it up close to the bar. Then I see this wild fire of a woman climb up on the bar with two of the other bartenders and point to the jukebox. I’m assuming security or someone else on staff, keys in a number and Joan Jett’s I Love Rock ‘N Roll starts playing. This little firecracker starts singing along and swaying her hips and putting on quite the little show with her fellow coworkers. I’m still not convinced nothing ever happened between the three of you.”

You burst out laughing. Almost choking on your drink. “The three of us? No. Me and T? The Tyra banks look alike? Oh yeah. Something happened between us before.” You send him a wink as Bucky lightly growls in your ear and pulls you tighter to his chest.

“See, I knew there was history there somewhere. Where was I? Oh. Yeah. While she was dancing on top of the bar with the girls, holding the whole bar's attention, some dumbass guy grabbed her ankle. When she went to kick him off, he just grabbed her harder. Which I assume is what made her lose her balance and start to fall into the crowd. Lucky for her I was up close and she landed right into my arms. She gave me this damn smile full of sugar and fire before opening that pouty mouth and blessing me with her speaking voice. If I remember correctly it was something along the lines of ‘My bearded knight. Will you excuse me one moment?’ To which I promptly set her down cus he looked like a woman on a mission.” 

“I most certainly was. Drunken asshole.” You’re getting fired up just thinking about the jerk that night.

Everyone is very into Sy’s telling of your first meeting. Curious to see what happens next.

“Well she proceeds to walk over to the asshole who grabbed her, who’s high fiving his friends, and taps him on the shoulder. This is what I hear…

“Hi. Remember me. The girl you just grabbed on the bar.” 

“Yeah baby. I was trying to get your attention. You looked like you’d be up for a dirty fuck in the bathroom.” 

“Is that so?”

“Mmhmm.” 

“Too bad” 

“Too bad what?” 

“That you wont be able to to fuck anybody for a while.” 

“What?” 

She then proceeds to knee him in the balls. As he bends over in pain cursing her out she leans in and tells him ‘Dont touch what does not belong to you.’ Then she cocks back and knocks him on his ass with a right hook.” Sy is laughing so hard there's tears coming out of his eyes.

The knowing looks on your men say it all though. They would have loved to watch you lose it like that. Dirty boys.

“He had it coming.” You impart with pride. He disrespected you and needed to be taught a lesson that would stick. 

“That he did Sugar. So she turns and walks back over to me all sweet as sugar again. Can’t even tell she just laid a grown man out and goes ‘Hi. You can call me Honey. Thank you for saving me from a losing battle with gravity. Next round is on me.’ Now she had no need to thank me but I wasn't going to turn down free booze from a pretty lady. I told her my name and we headed to the bar. Where I stayed until closing where she ended up pulling me into the backroom for a quick thank you blow job followed up by her continued thanks all night long back at her place. It was so damn good and I wasnt looking for anything serious at the time so we become fuck buddys.”

“Damn girl. I knew you were bad ass but seriously I underestimated you. You’re not fuck buddies now though. Why is that? And how did she get you this job?” Sam questions further.

“Christ Sam can you be any more fucking nosy? You guys don't have to answer that. He’s just trying to stir the pot and make Buck jealous or whatever.” Steve proclaims. 

“It’s fine Stevie. I have no shame. And neither does Sy. As far as getting him this job it was rather simple. I found out he could sing one night when I had actually stayed over because I knocked right out after our session. I got up because the bed was cold from him having left it. I assume his PTSD triggered a nightmare and I found him strumming his guitar while singing Elvis in the living room in the dark. I watched him for a bit before I joined in with a harmony and told him he should work at the club with me. It might be a good form of healing for him. And well, now he opened for the first time tonight.” You beam a radiant smile at him. So happy of the progress he’s made. 

“As for why we no longer have the benefits of our friendship, that’s easy. I don’t share. I am way too possessive and jealous of a partner. I knew if we continued on or took it further than fuck buddys I would just end up hurting her by holding her back. She’s not monogamous. And that’s okay. She should be allowed to love whoever and however many people she wants if everyone is happy. So we decided to step back from the sexual aspect of our relationship and never looked back. Plus the moment you two walked into this club with the red head and I saw the look in her eyes, I knew she was hooked before you even said hello. I wasn't going to stop that and I’m glad I didn't. I’ve never seen her so happy. So thank you for taking care of her like she deserves. I know she added you on a bit ago Captain Rogers but your included in my thanks as well.”

“Man ya’ll are no fun. Who would have thought the Viking looking former Captain would be all polite and thankful. This is bullshit.” Sam argues.

“I rather like them rough and strong on the outside, ready to take on any war. While being soft and humble on the inside. Makes for a devoted lover and warrior.  A rare find, even throughout the nine realms.” Brunhilde confesses while staring Sy deep in his eyes. 

“I’m going to go find my date and reclaim my dancing rights and maybe sing some karaoke. All you lovers enjoy yourselves.” Sam walks off to indeed find his date who he left with Sharon.

“Now that storytime is over and I’ve properly soothed my post show throat I am going to head to the dressing room and get out of this show garb and into something more comfy to party in. Don’t get into too much trouble trying to harass Sy boys.” You start to get off of Bucky's lap as he grips your hand.

“Actually sweetness, I need to hit the head so I’ll come with.” He pulls himself up and follows you out into the hall that leads to the dressing rooms and restrooms. 

You’re leaned over the vanity in your lingerie, one hand pressed against the surface and the other applying a fresh coat of crimson to your plump lips when you hear the door to the dressing room open. A normal occurrence around here. Plus you have nothing to be ashamed of, you know how this set makes your body look. 

At the dual sensation of warm flesh and cool metal you look up into the mirror to see a pair of Steel Gray eyes staring down at your thong and garter covered derriere between his palms. 

“See something you like, Sir?” You roll your hips slowly from side to side, watching his head follow the movement in the mirror.

“Oh sweetness. You know I do. A fucking garter belt. Are you trying to give Stevie and I a heart attack? After watching you perform like our own personal goddamn Billie Holiday I come to find you were hiding all this under that simple dress. You know how down right feral I can be babygirl. It’s taking everything I have not to ravage you right now.”

“Who on earth said you had to hold back, Sir? This Belle loves when her Beast loses control.”

That earns you a growl and a smack to your ass. “That fucking mouth. Always have something smart to say.” He leans in and wraps his flesh hand around your throat, feeling your pulse throb against his palm as he whispers in your ear. “There it is. That little spike of adrenaline. You enjoy being my prey don’t you babygirl? Bet your little thong is drenched already.”

He glides his hand down to the waistband of your panties and slips it inside, teasing along your weeping slit. “Mmm. That’s what I thought.” He spreads your slick around your folds, teasing your hood, before pulling his hand out and placing his shining fingers in front of your mouth.

“Open.” Your lips part automatically. “Clean them” Catching his eyes in the mirror you wrap your lips around his digits and suck them clean of your essence. “Good girl. Turn around.”

You rise up and spin to face him. He grabs a fist full of your hair and pulls your head back, attacking you with a savage kiss. Taking your breath away. He quickly pulls back, releasing your hair. “Jump.”

As soon as your feet leave the floor, Bucky has your thighs in his grip and is moving towards the chaise along the wall. With the speed of a Super Soldier and the softness of a man in love, he deposits you on the cushions. Pushing your torso back against the pillows and pulling your hips to the edge.

He spreads your thighs wide. “Keep them there. Understand?”

You nod your head. “Yes, Sir.”

He bites his lip as he pulls your thong to the side and gets a look at your glistening cunt. “As much as I would love to take you apart piece by piece right here. There’s a party going on I know you want to enjoy. So for now, I’m just gonna get my fill of this sweet little pussy on my tongue.”

He plunges two metal fingers in right as he sucks your clit into his mouth. Not wasting any time with teasing. He wants your come spilling over onto his tongue as soon as possible. The way he’s devouring your pussy is nothing short of ferocious. Everytime he growls, it hits your clit like a vibrator set to pulse.

All you can do is run a hand through his hair and hold on tight. His metal fingers are zeroed in on that spongy sweet spot that makes you forget how to form words. 

“Come on baby. I can feel how close you are. Give it to me. Soak my fucking face.”

He increases the speed of his fingers and sucks your clit back into his mouth. 

You're so lost in your pleasure that you don’t hear the opening of the door as Sam walks in looking for the restroom. He stops in his tracks, shocked from the scene unfolding in front of him.

With a firm suck and a twitch of his fingers Bucky has you screaming out as you come on his tongue. Riding out your high on his face.

You hear a muttered “Nasty ass cant even wait til we get home to have his girl. Dirty old man.” before the shuffling of feet making a hasty retreat.

Removing his head from between your legs, Bucky quickly pulls himself out of his slacks and pushes into your still quivering walls, setting you off once more.

“Fuck babygirl. You feel so good squeezing my cock like that.” Without giving you much of a chance to adjust to his girth he sets a punishing pace. 

It’s quick and dirty and everything you were missing with him being gone on a mission. This was your favorite part of being with Bucky. When he just let go and let the Beast out. Taking what he wanted, when he wanted. 

You were nothing more than a whimpering and moaning mess as he pounded you into the chaise lounge. Your pussy clamping down on him once more as another intense orgasm took over your body. 

Being led by his instinctive need to breed you he pulls you up by the back of your head and bites down on your lip as his cock thickens and he releases rope after rope of seed deep inside you. 

As soon as he is spent, he collapses on top of you as you both try and catch your breath.

“Guess Sam will think twice before opening any random doors now huh Thor?” You hear the unmistakable voice of one Steven Grant Rogers.

“Serves him right, Captain. Although I quite enjoyed the show myself.” Thor answers.

“That was something special alright. Never knew you could lose it like that Buck. You were like some kind of wild beast.” Your Captain imparts with a look of awe on his face.

“Yeah, well you can blame it all on this Beauty. She’s the only one that can tame it as well as set it free without repercussions.” He looks upon you with nothing but love in his steel grays at his declaration.

“Well I love you and your beast.” You give him a gentle kiss. “Now can you please remove your heavy self from on top of me so that I can get dressed, reapply my lipstick and we can head back out to your friends. I’m officially off for the next week and I would like to start making use of it.”

“Of course sweetness. But you're walking around the rest of the night with my cum inside you. I don't care if it leaks into your thong. You are not to clean it up. You hear me?”

“Yes, Sir.” You quickly reply as he removes himself from inside you and puts your thong back in place. 

“Possessive bastard.” Steve laughs out as he walks towards the chaise to help you get up.

“Damn right I am. Even if I do share her with you two assholes.” You all laugh.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s get you dressed.”

With some help from your Captain, you successfully look put back together in your simple black sleeveless dress with hip high slits up the front. You’ve lost the bra but kept the garter belt and thong. You love the looks that cross your mens faces each time your garter is exposed as you walk and move around. 

Entering back into the main room your eyes instantly make contact with Nat on the dance floor, trying to get Banner to relax and move with her in more than just the swaying of middle schoolers at their first dance. The current music playing was no help either. Clearly a Guardian had requested some sick jams from the 80s. And while you had no problems rocking out with the best of them, this dress called for dancing and nothing was going to stop you from doing just that. 

As your men watch their friends making fools of themselves on the dance floor you make your way to the booth you all were at before. The same booth that Sy and Brunhilde were still sat, conversing and sharing a beer. 

“First off. That dress looks amazing on you B. Second, I’m going to need to steal Sy here for just a bit. You're more than welcome to join us of course if you don't wish to sit alone. I need him on stage to help me liven up this place to the correct level.” The grin that adorns your face can only be described as trouble. 

“Based on your own outfit change, I certainly wouldn't want to miss how you achieve that. I’m sure it has something to do with all those Siren like abilities of yours. I’ll make myself comfortable next to his majesty. That way you’ll know where to find me when you're done Sy and we can continue on with our night.” Brunhilde winks and grazes her palm against his chest as she saunters by on her way to stand with Thor. 

“Alright Sugar. I know that look. And I know that dress. What is it that you need me to do?”

“It’s simple really. I want to dance with my men and put a certain bird brain in his place as well. And I need you so I can do just that. Only you know just what to play to get this body moving.”

“That I do, Sugar. Leave it up to Dante and Me.” He kisses your cheek and proceeds to get up on stage and whisper into Dante’s ear before sitting in front of the piano. He begins to play Robin Thicke’s “Everything I Can’t Have”. Dante begins to deliver the smooth lyrics with all his latin flair.

Bucky wastes no time in pulling you out onto the dance floor and taking the lead in a salsa you’ve both done a hundred times before. The man really is a great dancer. You wink at Nat as you swing on by and notice Sam pulling his date close and trying to copy you and Buck. 

“Nice try Sammy but you're never going to best us. We’re not even trying.” You laugh out as you continue on having a good time with your favorite Sargent. 

Steve’s eyes have not left your figure as your lead around by his best friend. Shimmying and moving your hips to the beat, a smile plastered on your face. Now normally he would be content with just letting Bucky have his fun with you on the dance floor, but tonight he feels like showing off a bit himself. The White Wolf isn't the only one with skills on the dance floor. 

He moves across the dance floor, cutting around couples and spinning Nat as she dances past. Bucky, having noticed Steve’s approach, spins you out away from him. You feel a warm hand grasp yours and a commanding “Come here, Doll” as you're pulled close to Steve, who takes the lead, not missing a step. Bucky has disappeared in the crowd somewhere.

“I didn't know you could Salsa, Captain.” You smile up at him.

“I’m full of surprises sweetheart.” He winks as takes it up a notch, really showing off. You instinctively follow his lead as he manipulates your body to the beat. The whole room is captivated as you move across the dance floor like you’ve been dancing together like this for years. As the song crescendos he dips you low and slowly pulls your body back up to him as his nose traces your throat. You’re mesmerized by his ocean eyes for a moment before you smirk and turn to make your way back to Bucky.

Steve was having none of that though. He chases you, catching your hand and spinning you back into his chest where he plants a mind melting kiss on your lips. That’s when Sam and his date make their way over. You can't help but laugh at how hard he’s trying to hold it together that not one, but two old men put his dancing skills to shame tonight. 

You’re just so damn happy that you don't even care to embarrass him more. You continue to dance and follow Steve’s lead until the song ends and you're dipped once more. 

Safely back in Steve’s embrace you feel cool metal run down along your spine and a soft kiss against the nape of your neck before words are whispered in your ear. “I think it’s about time for us to continue this party somewhere private, babygirl. We’ve shared you long enough. There’s a car waiting out front for us. Time to say Goodnight to everyone.” 

“Yes, Sir.” You nod your head and make your rounds, saying goodbye to your friends as quickly as you can. Temperature rising as you feel three sets of eyes leaving heated trails all over your body.  

Thor is waiting by the door with your things. “Ready, My Queen? Barnes and Rogers are waiting in the vehicle for us”

“Let’s not keep them waiting longer than shall we, My King.” You place your hand in his as he escorts you to the waiting town car. 

The sexual tension between the four of you has hit its boiling point and toppled over as you make your trek back to the compound. Thank the Gods this particular town car had a partition or the driver would most certainly be getting an eye full. 

As it was, Bucky had his phone out, making himself a little home movie of the debauchery unfolding before him. 

You currently had your head in Thor’s lap, lips wrapped around his cock, bobbing along making quite a mess of his dress slacks. Your ass perched up in the air, dress thrown over your hips, stocking and garters on full display. Steve’s thick digits working their magic on your weeping little slit. 

He was pulling moans out of you that were vibrating around Thor’s dick lodged down your throat. To say you were on your way to cock drunk was an understatement.  

Right as you were about to fall apart on your Captain's fingers, the car slowed to a stop, signaling your arrival at the compound. Instead of letting you finish, Bucky turned off his phone, wrapped his metal fist in your hair and pulled you off of Thor and Steve, settling you in his lap. 

You whimpered at the loss of Steve’s fingers. You were so damn close to coming you were delirious.

“Don’t worry babygirl, you’ll get what you want and then some shortly. Thor, take our girl inside to Steve’s room while we deal with the driver. Keep her edged until we get there.”

He places a sweet kiss to your neck as Thor tucks his dick away and zips himself up before exiting the vehicle. 

You barely register it as you watch Steve clean your essence from his fingers. Eyes glazed over and breath hitching in your throat. You swallow when he pulls them free of his plush pink lips and winks at you. 

“Mmm mm mm. Never can get enough of your sweetness on my tongue, Doll.”

You feel yourself literally swooning in Bucky’s lap at Steve’s declaration.

With a nip to your jaw, Bucky brings you back to the world. “Don’t keep your King waiting, sweetness.”

You absentmindedly nod your head and place your hand in Thor’s waiting palm, allowing him to pull you from the car and lift you up into his arms in a bridal carry. 

Arms wrapped around his broad shoulders you can't help but to place kisses all along his jaw and neck as he walks through the compound. He almost doesn't get Steve’s door open when you run your tongue along his collarbone as he asks FRIDAY to be let in. 

“Fucking Vixen. What am I going to do with you, my Queen?”

Gazing into his baby blues with so much love and adoration you proclaim. “Why, whatever your heart desires, My King.” 

He walks into the bedroom and sits himself on the bed with you straddling his lap. Running your fingers through the loose strands of his golden hair you place a kiss on his forehead. “Hi, Puppy. I missed you.” 

Pulling your close in a tight embrace he kisses the dip between your collarbones. “As have I, my love.”

You lift his face to yours and give him a deep kiss. It starts out sweet and slow, but before long, it’s full of fire and heat. Hands roaming, removing clothing and hips grinding against each other. You raise up on your knees so that he can remove his pants and boxer briefs. 

Having discarded the garments, he pulls you back down onto his lap, barriers no longer in the way, to carry on with your heated makeout session. 

You can hear a door open and close, signaling the return of your other men, but you pay it no mind as you continue to lose yourself in the Golden God underneath you. 

“Would you look at that, she kept the stockings and garters on Buck.”

“That she did. She’s been such a good girl for us tonight without even trying. I think she’s earned herself a reward of her choosing. Would you like that babygirl?”

You remove your lips from Thor’s and turn to the brunette removing his shirt to your left. “Please, Sir. I would very much like that.”

“So polite too. Okay babygirl. What is it you would like?”

Glancing quickly at both Thor and Steve, you lock eyes with his steel grays. “I want to be surrounded in sunshine, Sir, with a white wolf chaser.” 

All three men groan out simultaneously.

Steve steps closer to you, places a finger under your chin and raises it to face him. “Surrounded in sunshine huh? Exactly who do you want where, Doll?”

“I want to ride my King while you fuck my ass from behind Captain.” 

“And where will I be, sweetness?” Bucky chimes in on your other side.

You turn to face him and lick your lips in anticipation. “Fucking my face of course, Sir. I want all my holes stuffed full. Need you all to use me for your pleasure. Please.” You can’t help but pout as you plead for what you want.

He runs his metal thumb across your bottom lip. “No need to pout babygirl. You’ll get what you want. Stevie, grab the lube I know you keep stocked in your nightstand. Thor, you heard what she wants. Let her ride that hammer of yours while Stevie preps her.”

“With pleasure.” Thor grabs your cheeks, pulling you away from Bucky’s fingers and placing his kiss swollen lips to yours as he lies back on the bed, taking you with him. “Show them just how worthy you are, My Queen.”

You grind down on his turgid length, coating him in the slick leaking from your slit until you feel the vibration of his growl against your peaked nipples as he stills your hips with one of his massive hands. With the other, he grabs his dick, teasing your clit with the tip, pulling a whine from you that is cut short as he lines up and thrusts, sinking his thickness deep inside you. 

Your head falls back and your spine arches as you push yourself up and undulate your hips, burying his cock even deeper. Three sets of lust blown eyes are following your every move as you swivel and bounce on Thor’s own mighty hammer. Losing yourself in the ebb and flow of your own little private show being put on for their eyes only. 

Worked up and ready to be inside you himself, Steve, having retrieved the lube and sufficiently coated himself in it, walks up to the edge of the bed. Placing a hand to the middle of your spine and a kiss behind your ear, he whispers his command. 

“You look so fucking sexy riding him, Doll. Be a good girl and lean forward for me so I can join in on the fun. You don't look stuffed enough yet.” The warm palm in the middle of your back helps push you down until you're laying flush with Thor’s chest.

He then proceeds to trail his lube covered fingers along your stretched out lips, gathering the slick that continues to pour out of you with one hand as the other grabs a cheek and spreads you out, exposing your puckered little hole. He runs his coated fingers around your hole teasingly before slowly adding more pressure until he is able to get first one, then two fingers inside you. Opening you up little by little as Thor shallowly thrusts inside you. 

“You’re doing so good sweetheart. I’m gonna add another finger. Open you up a bit further so you can take me nice and deep. Just focus on how good it feels, Doll.”

He works his third finger into you and proceeds to scissor them all and open you up further until you can take them with ease and are a whimpering mess on Thor’s chest. As he pulls them out, you whine at the feeling of emptiness left behind. 

He grabs a cheek in each hand and spreads you out as Thor stills inside you. Lining himself up he breaches your tight little hole. “Relax, Doll. Take a deep breath for me.”

You do as you're told and on your exhale your tight ring of muscle relaxes and Steve sinks in deep. “Fuck. So tight. How ya feeling Doll?”

You can feel the haze of overwhelming pleasure start to take over your body. Before you lose yourself to it you’re able to get a few words out. “Full, Captain. So full. Need Sir too.”

You hear a groan to the left of you from Bucky. “Oh babygirl. You’ll be getting me soon enough. Why don't you enjoy your golden boys for a bit. You know how much I love to watch you come undone.”

“Yes, Sir.” Those are the only words you are able to process and speak as Thor and Steve begin to pull out and thrust into you, never leaving you empty. As one retreats the other pushes in. It’s a rhythm that seems to be second nature to them at this point in your relationship. They all know how to play you like a well strung violin. Pulling moans, whimpers and orgasms from you like notes on a page. Creating songs and entire symphonies from your carnal passion. 

Your body is so keyed up and overloaded in pleasure that it doesn't take long before you are crying out and clenching down on the cocks lodged inside you as you fall over the edge into a blissful climax. Head buried in Thor’s chest as tears begin to flow from your eyes at the overwhelming ecstasy. 

“That’s it, my sweet. I love it when you squeeze me so tight, trying to milk my cock of it’s seed.” He lifts your head from his chest and places a tender kiss to your forehead as he, along with Steve, continue to slowly thrust into you, allowing you a moment of reprieve. 

He wipes a stray tear away with his thumb. “How are you feeling, My Queen?” 

You’re just coherent enough to get out a few words. “So good. Need more. Want Sir. More full. Please”

All three men chuckle at your clearly cockdrunk state. Thor turns to Bucky who is sitting beside him on the bed. “She wants her White Wolf chaser now Barnes. I think she’s more than earned it. Are you going to gift her with it?”

“I couldn't dream of denying her anything right now.” He pulls himself up until he is kneeling before you, cock level with your lips. You open your mouth and stick out your tongue automatically. “Fuck you want my cock bad dont you babygirl? Want me to fuck this pretty little mouth while Thor and Stevie continue to destroy your other little holes huh? Want cum filling up all three of them?”

Mouth still wide, you nod your head as you whimper and squirm, eliciting a growl from Thor and a slap to the ass from Steve. 

“Good. I’m not going to go easy on your sweetness. I’m too fucking worked up for that. I can’t guarantee how long I’ll last either because that mouth of yours is fucking dangerous. We’re gonna need you to just relax and let us use you babygirl. Take everything we give you like the good girl you are.”

You lock eyes with him as his flesh hand grabs a hold of your curls and pulls you towards his angry leaking tip. You give it a quick teasing lick before he slides across your tongue and thrusts deep into your throat. 

You moan out around his length as you finally feel full and stuffed to the brim. You breathe in through your nose and your body goes pliant as bliss takes over you. 

As soon as they all feel your body relax they begin to move. Thor and Steve continue their back and forth rhythm as Bucky sets a pace of his own. What starts out leisurely, quickly becomes deep and hard. The temp increases and before you know it you're screaming out around the dick lodged in your throat as you come apart.

As your pussy and ass squeeze around your golden boys they start to lose their rhythm. Pounding into you erratically as they chase their own highs. Sending you further into your pleasured high, moaning and whimpering around Bucky as he too begins to thrust erratically into your mouth. 

“Fuck. That’s it babygirl. Take my cock. I’m so fucking close. Gonna paint those tonsils white and you're gonna swallow every last drop.” 

At Bucky’s words you clench around Thor and Steve, setting off a frenzied pace in the both of them as they ride the knife's edge of their own orgasms. 

“Fuck Buck, you make her clench around me like that again and her mouth wont be the only thing getting filled.” Steve grits out.

“I agree with Steven. I am close to spilling my seed deep inside her as well.”

Having them talk about filling you up is the spark that lights the match on the fire that is your impending orgasm. You detonate in a blaze of pleasure, almost blacking out from the sheer force of it, taking all three of them along with you.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” It’s Steve who loses it first, hips stuttering until they still with his pelvis smashed to your ass as he groans and empties his balls into your abused little hole. Gripping your ass cheeks so hard you're sure he left bruises behind.

As he begins to pull out his softening cock, pucker clenching trying to pull him back in, Bucky lodges himself in your throat and holds you head steady as he makes good on his promise and coats your tonsils white. “Take it all sweetness. I don't want a drop wasted.” He pulls out once he’s finished and watches on with awe as you swallow every pearly white drop he gave you and present him with an empty throat and tongue.

He pulls you into an intense kiss just as Thor explodes inside of you. You throw your head back and writhe on your King, as he shoots rope after rope of his Godly seed deep into your womb, setting off a minor orgasm in its wake. “Can’t get enough of filling you up. Especially when it sets you off again like that. Come on, my Queen. Milk your King dry.”

He pulls himself up into a seated position and grips your hips as he plunges deeper into your cavern and guides your clit along his pelvis until you come one last time for him, biting down on his shoulder as you convulse in his lap. 

You feel cool metal fingers dance along your spine as you come down from your final high. You move your head to the side so that you can look upon the satisfied face of the Winter Soldier. “There she is. Hi babygirl. Feeling a little floaty?” You just nod your head. 

“Okay. Steve went to run you a bath. Would you like that sweetness? To let us get you all cleaned up in the bath while you come back to earth?” You nod your head again. 

“Alright baby. I’m gonna go help Stevie. Thor will bring you in when we’re ready for you. Just relax with your King okay babygirl?” He kisses your forehead.

“Okay Sir.” You burrow yourself further into Thor’s chest as Bucky heads into the ensuite. 

You listen to the steady beat of Thor’s heart as the fog begins to lift from your brain. Rubbing small circles onto your hips you find yourself almost lulled to sleep until Thor speaks. “Do you want me to remove myself from inside you my Queen? Or are you content warming my cock?”

“Mmm. Keep cock warm until bath.” Is your half lucid response. 

He chuckles and kisses your head. “Cockwarming it is then.”

You once again find yourself tittering on the edge of consciousness when Steve emerges from the ensuite to let you both know that the bath is ready. 

Thor proceeds to stand from the bed with you in his arms, still connected at the pelvis and walk into the bathroom.

“Come on, my sweet. Let’s get you all cleaned up and then you can fall to the whims of sleep and dream away the night.”

You awake the next morning surrounded in heat thanks to Steve and Thor wrapped around either side of you and Bucky using your stomach as a pillow, complete with a metal arm draped over your thigh. As great as being surrounded in their warmth felt, you had a very full bladder due to the two glasses of water that Thor made sure you drank last night during aftercare. 

Extracting the pillow from beneath your head, you slowly place it under Bucky’s head and oh so carefully finagle your way out of the pile of muscled bodies that surround you to make your way to relieve your bladder. 

Once your business is taken care of, you pad into the walk in closet, headed to the section that Steve dedicated for you. Comfort is key after a night like you had so you proceed to grab your Harley Quinn boyshorts, a pair of white knit leg warmers and an oversized gray sweater. Quickly tossing them on, you grab the empty glass from the nightstand and head out to the common room kitchen, food the only thing on your mind. 

Taking your time and strolling along the hall you find Sy coming out of Brunhilde’s favored room at the compound. Seems someone spent the night here himself. You just laugh and lift your hand for a high five, which he gives you after shaking his head at your antics. “Morning Grumpy Bear. Come on, let’s go make breakfast for our sleeping partners and most likely the rest of the compound. These heroes can really put it away and we both know you love to throw down in the kitchen.”

With little convincing Sy follows you into the kitchen where you begin the practiced dance of making a meal, having done this many times together before. It’s comfortable. 

You let a whole five minutes go by before you start grilling him on his late night activities. 

“So how was the warrior sex?” He just raises a brow at you. “I imagine her intensity is as strong as yours. I think she may just be as possessive as you, if not more. This is gonna be so much fun for me. I can not wait to watch you fall for a Valkyrie! She’s going to eat you alive. Muahahahaha.''

“Sure you're not just jealous Sugar? I remember the type of women you used to bring with you or made us look for when you needed a little something extra.” He smugly states. 

He’s not wrong, B is definitely your type. That being said, so is Nat, who you’ve hooked up with in the past  when you were doing burlesque and Nat was working undercover at your club. None of the Avengers are aware of that fact though, as far as you know. 

Just as you're about to retort, the red head you were just reminiscing about in your head, saunters into the kitchen, along with the rest of the team and your men following in between them. 

You catch eyes with the Widow and notice the little smirk plastered on her face. “I know that satisfied look. You have a good night Nat?” You slyly impart.

“You would know, wouldn't you Honey girl, seeing as how your tongue has put it there before.” She just winks at you as she drops that bomb. Grabbing a piece of bacon as she sits herself at the table.

Over half the room is staring slack jawed between the two of you. 

“Whoa whoa whoa. You’ve had a night with the black widow and survived?” Sam, the first to shake out of his shock, blurts out.

Nat quickly corrects him. “Nights. She was mine for an entire week. She looks particularly gorgeous all bound in rope and lust drunk. No way I was only having that once.”

Bucky is all the more intrigued at this recent revelation. He knew you were not shy in bed and had no problem exploring his kinks with him. Burlesque was something new that he needed to see for himself. “Burlesque sweetness? Were you dancing or singing?”

Nat answered before you could. “She did both. A vixen on the stage, as always. Made my job easier when she was hypnotizing the marks with her Siren ways.” 

“Was that the fact finding mission at A Fall From Grace?” Nat nods at Steve in acknowledgment. “I was wondering what took you so long to complete it.”

“What can I say? She had me swayed with her crazy ways.”

“Crazy ways? What kind of bullshit is that?” Sam, ever the party pooper, chimes in.

“Those were my Quinzel days. Lots of black and red latex and leather. Oh and the best part…my hammer. Well it was more like a mallet but still. I had a whole Morticia Adams and Ghost face routine too. I was the resident creepy queen. My shows could get a little messy.” You boast with a saccharine sweet smile adorning your face as you place the last plate on the table.

“Enough about my past with Nat. Now dig in so I can bombarded you with questions of how the rest of your nights went. I know more than just Sy and B had to have got some.”

“What?!” The table collectively gasps out.

“Why else would he be here helping me make breakfast after they were giving each other fuck me eyes all night. Did you think he came here to join the four of us for a round in bed?” You shrug.

“Yes, actually. That’s exactly what I thought.” Tony exclaims. 

You just start hysterically laughing as Sy turns to you. “Are they always like this?”

“With no filter? Sadly, yes. But thankfully for you, B lives on New Asgard and isn't here that often, so if you continue on whatever path it is you two may be going you’ll be spared most of the time.” You pat him on his bearded cheek.

He glances over at Brunhilde, across the table from him and smiles. “Deal.”

“Oh this is gonna be fun to witness.” Nat chuckles out.

“That’s what I said!” You rush out.

“Alright Sugar. Time to eat up and start questioning someone else.” He places a slice of bacon in your mouth to shut you up.

You chew on the salty goodness as you gaze around the table, eyes landing on Sam. “So Sammy? You finally seal the deal with your date or did losing to Bucky doom your fate?”

“You know what you little shit stirrer? I’ll have you know that I am a gentleman and that was only our second date so I didn't push it.”

“So what you're saying is, no. No, you didn't get laid last night. If I knew losing was going to affect you so badly I would have gone easier on you last night.” Bucky relays with the smuggish look on his face.

“Fuck you man. I can beat you any day of the week. You got lucky last night.” An annoyed Sam announces to the table.

“Sure, pal. You heard him Stevie. He spent the night alone in his bed. Pay up.” Steve begrundley reaches into his sweats pocket, pulls out a fifty from his money clip and slaps it onto Bucky's metal palm.

The table erupts in laughter and more money passes hands, as a shocked Sam sits, mouth agape, realizing his closest friends bet against his sex life.

He quickly stands up. “Fuck all ya’ll. Not everyone are sex fiends who can't keep it in their pants.” Grabbing his plate he storms out into the hall.

You yell out behind him. “It’s okay, Sammy. Some of us are just late bloomers.” 

The table erupts in laughter once more.

Notes:

1. Haley Reinhart "Dream a Little Dream of Me" (video is no longer on youtube) 2. Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops!) - Blu Cantrell (Ella Fitzgerald Style Cover) ft. Olivia Kuper Harris 3. All of Me - Vintage Soul John Legend Cover ft. Kiah Victoria 4. Shoop - Salt-N-Pepa (‘50s Little Richard Style Cover) ft. Tia Simone 5. Love On The Brain - Rihanna (Piano & Vocal Cover) ft. Kaeyra 6. Billie Holiday - It Had To Be You (Clef Records 1955) 7. Still Into You - Paramore ('40s Swing Cover) ft. Maris 8. I Put A Spell On You - Nina Simone

If you made it to the end, THANK YOU! If you liked it please feel free to let me know (but it's not required); and if you didn't, that's okay too, I still thank you for even giving it a chance.

[rawberry-preserves]

Helloooo ZE fandom! Remember this post I made back in October? Here's your explanations!

Spoilers abound for all games!!

Secret Old man is a plot twist 3 different times

1st secret Old man: Tenmyouji being Junpei

2nd secret Old man: Sigma not knowing he's in his old body in VLR

3rd secret Old man: Delta's existence in ZTD

“If two guys were on the moon and one killed the other with a moon rock”

Character becomes a Schrödinger's cat in 2 games.

Akane in 999 and VLR

Fireman third wheels two people with incinerator trauma

C Team, would also like to point out that not once do Akane or Junpei mention the incinerator (or even joke about it) around Carlos

Santa is a punk that's into the stock market

Someone's dismembered Arm is microwaved

Junpei’s refrigerated arm is essentially put in a microwave to solve the last part of the Pantry in ZTD. Specifically, it had to be warmed to be open enough to activate the palm scanner

Someone decides killing ¾ of the population is best course oaction to kill 1 dude.

Delta's motive for releasing radical 6 was to kill an unknown terrorist that would otherwise kill the entire population on earth

At least one character gets their hand chopped off in each game

VLR and ZTD are easiest to explain. Sigma uses the 9 door to chop his hand off and prevent his bracelet from injecting him in Quark end (also has his hand chopped off by the other characters in Sigma’s bad end). Carlos looses his hand after being attacked by Akane with the Chainsaw in the “Suspicion” fragment. 

999 was less obvious but in the Axe end, toward the very end, Junpei sees Clover walking off with his bracelet, since he was still conscious when she left, this leaves two options. First being that his heart stopped and allowed his bracelet to come off while still conscious, OR if Clover didn't want to wait for him to die and just chopped his hand off before leaving him to bleed out.

A character gets injected with a lethal poison from a needle on a book cover.

This one is the fake answer!!

I actually asked the Uchikoshi's Somnium discord server for a fake answer and this is what I was given first!

A lot of y'all appear to go tripped up on this and that might be because of the Bio Lab in ZTD. Part of the puzzle involves Sean, Mira, and Eric getting their fingers picked on something (don't remember exactly what rn but it was definitely not a book), but this was set up for the game's decision regarding Radical 6 (75% fatality rate) and Fanatic Bio R (100% fatality rate).

This decision was based on Newcomb's Paradox

Ice Cream server has one of the highest kill counts in the series.

Look at any route where Eric finds a gun, when not counting the Zeros, Eric has killed more characters directly than most of the other cast. (I think the only other characters in the higher range aside from Eric are Mira, Ace, and Dio)

I have a Google doc I've been working on with a list of rules for a solid kill count. Hopefully I will post that by itself soon.

Every Event in the Series happens because of a Snail.

Saw someone in the tags say they refuse to believe the snail caused 999 and I hate to break it to you but in the Apocalypse fragment in ZTD, Delta clearing states that if the initial incident that killed 6 people, including Akane’s parents, didn't happen, she wouldn't have gotten involved in the first Nonary game that Ace ran that was covered in 999.

Would also like to note that it was confirmed in VLR that Ace is a member of Free the Soul. How much he knows about the snail is debatable.

A character canonically has a 9” dick (18” when horny)

If youve been in the fandom for over 6 months, I think you know what this is

If there is anything else you would like clarification on, feel free to reply to this post or send me an ask!!

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Nickleheads, Knights, and Harry's Half-Vampire Ex-Girlfriend

We were introduced to Michael Carptenter as a Knight of the Cross back in Grave Peril, but this is where we really get a good sense of the Knights as an organization within the Catholic Church, and it's where we learn about who they're there to...save, strictly speaking, if possible, but let's be real. They kill Denarians to try to keep cursed silver bits off the streets. This is going to be relevant literally for the rest of the series as far as anyone knows. Oh and also, somebody stole the Shroud of Turin and Harry's half-vampire ex-girlfriend is in town. Let's talk Death Masks.

Spoilers abound below the break, so head's up if you're on your first Dresden read through and don't want MASSIVE THINGS SPOILED.

Also, Content Warning for sex, blood, and violence. Take care of you first and we will catch you on the flip side if you choose to skip over this one!

You cannot say that the worldbuilding in the Dresden Files is anything but thorough, and apparently that also includes shitty daytime TV personalities, because Harry opens this book by basically having a low-key anxiety attack while trying not to take out every single piece of technology in a television studio during a "debate" between himself, Mort Lindquist, and Paolo Ortega. It's literally the opening to a bad joke: A medium, a vampire, and a wizard walk into a TV studio to discuss whether paranormal creatures and beings are real.

Unfortunately, our vamp also takes the time to challenge the Wizard to a duel, which the White Court is all too happy to accept as a way out of the war that Harry started. To complicate matters further, the Shroud of Turin has been stolen and the Knights of the Cross, Denarians, and Susan are in town, so Harry isn't having a terribly good week. And then he also has to stop Nicodemus from beginning a plague.

Honestly, so many things about this book ANNOY me. Listicles were, at one time, popular on the interwebz, so let's go old school here with the irksome stuff.

Kinky Vampire Sex As a Lifesaving Measure. All right. I get that vampires being sex coded isn't new; from early works like the Vampyre to iconic classics like Carmilla and Dracula to modern reimaginings like Interview with a Vampire and Twilight, vampires have been sex coded. I think what irritates me about this example is the framing. Like, we can't just have "my girlfriend is half vampire and we have kinky, mind-blowing vampire sex," no. We have to have "My control is slipping and I will literally murder you if you don't...*checks notes*...tie me up like a hog for slaughter and sex the evil vampiric tendencies out of me." Like...IT'S A FLESHY BUNDLE OF NERVES, NOT A MAGIC WAND. CAN WE PLEASE NOT FRAME THIS AS "HARRY DRESDEN'S MAGICAL ANTI-VAMPIRE PENIS"????? And just to clarify: I'm not out here to kink shame anyone. My objection is to the hypermasculinity and toxic masculinity of the framing of this sex scene. We can still have kinky vampire sex, but maybe let's have it be enthusiastic and fun rather than "If we don't bang right now, one or both of us is going to die." There is an element of coercion there than I don't love, especially not when the author then also frames it as "my dick literally saved my girlfriend's life." If you want kinky monster sex, the just have kinky monster sex. Don't make it weird.

Heroic Sacrifice Is Fine Because I Had Terminal Cancer Anyway. Hello Ableism, My Old Friend. The trope that a chronically ill, terminally ill, or disabled character dies to save an able-bodied character is inherently ableist, full stop. It straight out SAYS that the able-bodied life we have saved is more valuable than the disabled life we lost. And not only does Butcher have Shiro pull this, we get a back-dated letter at the end from Shiro to Harry going, "Hey, I knew I was dying and I hope that makes you feel better about me being horribly tortured to death on your behalf. Dressing up what is essentially a "bury your disabled" trope in a heroic sacrifice does not make it less ableist and shitty. (For those of you who want more on disability tropes and why they're ableist, I have written a literal book on it, and also please see this TV Tropes page.) I don't have a lot to actually SAY about this one, other than endlessly screaming into the void about the blatant ableism throughout this series and wondering why the HELL I was surprised when Butcher disabled and fridged Murphy. Please join me in screaming, there will be throat coat tea afterwards.

Medical Science Failed? Let's Try Religion. I get that Marcone is as guilty as it is possible for a sociopath to be over not being able to fix a little girl's coma--and we're just going to skim over the ableism and objectification inherent in her being a literal plot point; she could be a broken lamp and this plot point still works--but my dude...SERIOUSLY??? You are Gentleman Johnny Marcone. You have the resources to get the best doctors in the world in the room, and when that doesn't work, you have the resources to get the best scientists on the problem. You even have the resources to get the best magical healers in the room if you want to. But no. You rolled religion and went for the freaking Shroud of Turin. Which would make sense for Nicodemus or any of the Denarians, but for the mobster who business-ified the mob? I suppose this does set up Marcone's slide to the Denarians later in the series, but his WHOLE THING is being the calculated businessman. I don't love this. I also don't love the history of miracle cures in religion being used to moralize illness and disability, but frankly this little piece of scene is too small to really dive into for that.

So yeah, this book is weird about sex, it's ableist, and it's weird about moralizing illness and disability. And that is so obnoxious because we don't HAVE to be weird about this stuff. Plenty of other books manage to address these topics without getting cishet white boy weird about it.

This is also the book where Harry is half tricked, half coerced into taking up Lasciel's coin, and that's a whole thing for the next several books too.

Was there stuff I liked about this book? I mean, objectively yes. Ivy--The Archive--is never not tragically delightful on the page, and the vampire duel at Wrigley Field is damn fun. I also really LIKE Sanya and Shiro on the page, they're great characters with surprising depth for secondary characters.

I will also admit to a deep love for the Denarians. As villains, they're powerful, unhinged, scary, and delightful, and the Nicklehead books are, in general, some of my favorites of the series. Skin Game and Small Favor in particular are my top two in the series.

Overall, however, Death Masks isn't one of my favorite Dresden books, and it really leans into ableist tropes that drive me up the flippin' wall.

[changingplumbob]

Pancakes Household: Chapter 7, Part 2

Bob's dream is to reach the top of the chef career. However an opportunity to franchise his recipes has him considering what he really wants from his career, and legacy. Dale may be old but he's alive the entire part, no unwarned deaths here!

They were rolled for the week of Dia de los Muertos so I did my best to have them celebrate it and honour the spirit of the occasion. Obviously not a perfect representation, I'm still learning and bound to make some mistakes on the way.

Bob: You look amazing Jumble

Eliza: You don't look so bad yourself Sleek

Bob: Listen, at work today I was approached by a rich customer

Eliza: Did they want you to add extra kale again

Bob: No, actually they wanted to open a chain of Bob Pancake restaurants

Eliza: Are you joking right now

Bob: I know money means a lot to you so I wouldn't joke

Eliza: Are we going to be rich

Bob: I'm not finished yet

Eliza: There's more than a restaurant chain

Bob: They had some conditions. Retirement being the main one

Eliza: So money without working? Sounds perfect

Bob: And never being a chef again

Eliza: Let me guess, you turned them down

Bob: They wanted to have sole rights to my image, my name, my recipes

Eliza: *sighs* Bob-

Bob: It just didn't feel right. I want to make a name for myself. Be a sim you and our kids can be proud of

Eliza: And a chain wouldn't accomplish that?

Bob: It wouldn't

Bob: And I'm only 37 anyway, I have so many more years of work and creation still in me

Eliza: Oh.... thank the watcher!

Bob: Wait... You're not mad?

Eliza: I might be SAD we don't get a large sum but I'm not mad. Sleek, a life without cooking would make you miserable when you already struggle with low moods. I'd rather you be busy, happy and healthy than unemployed, sitting around the house, packing the pounds back on. I LOVE money... but I love you more

Bob: I don't plan to be a nobody forever, I'll work hard and in time who knows, maybe I'll open my own place with my own rules

Eliza: You could never be a nobody to me

Bob: I want something I can leave our kids that's more than just simoleons

Eliza: I'm proud of you Bob

Bob: You are

Eliza: Of course. We've both grown since we got married

Bob: Well I'm proud of you, my super hot wife who's a corporate superstar and grew two kids

Eliza: You make them sound like plants

Bob: You know you were napping on my side of the bed

Eliza: Your side? The whole thing is mine

Bob: May I sleep there tonight

Eliza: Depends how good your payment scheme is

When the bargaining of the bed was done for the night the two Pancakes settled down to sleep. No large payout for Bob, but the future is full of possibilities. He maintains the freedom to use his name himself for whatever he chooses to do in the culinary world.

This Sunday is Dia de Muertos, day of the dead. In my game it's used as a day to honour those that have passed on, celebrating life and family. Whereas my sims Halloween is more about embracing the candy and costumes and commercialism. It felt important to have a separate holiday for these two things.

One of the traditions is attending a holiday ceremony together. Before the family can leave however, there is a few chores to do and a Dale to comfort. Bob improves his handiness by fixing the constantly breaking plumbing. Iggy takes time to practice his violin while Fergus uses the bathroom.

Outfits on and faces painted, the Pancakes are ready to head to Willow Creek church and cemetery to pay homage to those sims who have passed on.

At the community lot Iggy and Fergus happily leave sugar skulls. It appears that Eliza and Bob missed the memo about the day being a celebration, and mourn for sims that have passed on.

Leaving sugar skulls brings a day of the dead celebrator, today it's Helena. I try to get the Pancakes to all ask for sugar skulls but glitches abound. As in Iggy received two sugar skulls, one from Fergus and one from Eliza, none from Helena. No one else could get a sugar skull *sighs*

Back home Bob tries to improve his celebrity level by livestreaming his cooking. He is working on improving the gourmet cooking and baking skills. The drone has a friendly enough face so Bob does his best to ignore that there's real sims watching him. He manages to gain a few hundred followers.

Eliza is busy working out when I notice Fergus has picked up some of Kelly's bad habits. On his mother's pristine porch he is dumping paint! Eliza may be embracing some of Bob's mess but that doesn't mean she'll let her kids ruin her tidy house.

Eliza: Stop this instant

Fergus: But the deck should celebrate to

Eliza: It's a deck Fergus. Is that paint water soluble

Fergus: I don't know what that means

Eliza: You better hope it is because after a time out it's your job to clean it

Fergus: But YOU clean everything

Eliza: You made this mess, you'll clean it up

In the kitchen Bob demonstrates he has learned to clean up after himself sometimes. Fergus looks way too happy in time out, probably congratulating himself on a good prank. After Iggy gives Dale a big hug he starts work on his fitness badge. To help, Bob and Eliza have bought him a bike.

Dale is the best assistant chef anyone could hope for. He always check on what Bob is cooking, and eats any scraps that drop. Between putting things in the oven and getting them out Bob makes sure to shower Dale in affection. He loves his four legged family member.

Eliza: Fergus! Dinner!

Iggy: Slow poke

Eliza: I can't believe you did so much today Sleek without messing up your facepaint

Bob: I can cook on auto pilot

Fergus: Why do we even celebrate it

Eliza: I beg your pardon

Fergus: We don't have an Mexican heritage, do we

Bob: We don't but that's not the point

Iggy: The point is sugar skulls

Eliza: No it isn't

Bob: Boys, sims come from many cultures. We may not have Mexican heritage but other sims in this save do

Fergus: So we do it for them?

Eliza: Them and our own ancestors. Dia de Muertos is about celebrating the lives of sims who came before us

Iggy: Who came before us

Bob: Your grandparents

Fergus: Shouldn't we have their photos displayed somewhere

Bob: Normally on Dia de Muertos you would, along with food and candles for their spirits

Eliza: But being premades we don't have any photos of them

Iggy: That sucks

Eliza: Iggy! Language!

Bob: Your grandmother made this soup for me when I was little, it always made me feel comforted

Eliza: And your grandfather taught me how to budget, make do with what you have. I value nice things because I know what it is to have nothing

Fergus: I never knew that

Bob: And that's why we celebrate

Eliza's week will likely be filled with boosting skills for her next promotion. Her hobby is arts and crafts though so it's important she takes some time to relax and cross stitch. Of course, it's hard to do that when you have an adorable dog wanting attention. Dale and Eliza have become companions.

It's hard to pull pranks when everyone is busy so Fergus sets himself up at an activity table to do some drawing and make some crafts. Outside Iggy is still working on his bike riding for his Keep Fit badge. Eliza finishes her cross stitch, though she received a few pricks getting there.

Bob is busy trying to write a cookbook about breakfasts when Dale approaches. He wants to play fetch! Bob eagerly abandons his work and heads to the backyard. The yard has enough space to play fetch properly and Dale and Bob have a whale of a time.

Previous Part ... Next Part

[gurumakakari]

2

There was a buzz in the air. Things were humming. It was exactly the way Chloe had always imagined it would be inside of a major league wrestling locker room. Even though she had been exposed to quite a bit in a short amount of time, she was still all smiles by the time she found the locker that had been assigned to her. It wasn't next to Daphne or even Kat, but rather, Chloe found herself seated next to Alexis Valentine.

Alexis was…a lot. While Kat had immediately treated Chloe like they were picking up a conversation they had left off the other day even though they had never crossed paths, Alexis introduced herself with a pop culture reference. "My name is Alexis Valentine. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

And it continued from there. Chloe was trying to be friendly and ask questions, but Alexis would answer only in jokes and references. It was like talking to a living Reddit thread. "Go go Gadget wrestling boots!" "I love my power gloves. They're so bad." "I said biiiiiiiiitch."

Chloe remained undaunted, however. She was only scheduled to be present at the taping and not an active participant in it, so she really had nothing but time to kill. Already dressed in her gear in anticipation of an introductory photo shoot, all she could do was continue to sit next to Alexis and try to glean any information she could. With a locker room this big and segmented, she knew it would behoove her to make a friend or two.

After Kat winked at her from across the room for the fourth or fifth time, Chloe turned to the petite, purple haired Valentine with a hint of exasperation. "Am I bothering you? If you need to get in the zone or whatever, I'll leave you alone. You can just tell me."

Valentine smiled. It looked like a real one, quite unlike the Cheshire Cat grin she'd been sporting nearly the entire conversation. "Okay, you're cool."

"Huh?"

Before Alexis could respond, there was the familiar sound of high heels clacking on the tiled floor of the locker room. Chloe could see heads turning, comprehension dawning on faces. For many, they looked like they had seen a ghost. Alexis retreated closer to the lockers, making herself even smaller than usual. By the time Black looked to see who the source of the commotion was, Victoria Carter was standing a few feet away with a haughty look on her face and Kiki Fischer in tow.

It was a startling sight to say the least. Victoria had been the most high profile name let go after the hazing scandal a couple years back, and she hadn't been seen anywhere near the world of wrestling since. There were rumors abound as to how she was still making money. Modeling, acting, fan pages, perhaps some clandestine high class escort deal…Chloe had heard it all, and she didn't even like to dabble in darker rumors like that.

"Ah, I see at least some of you haven't forgotten how to have fun," Victoria said, breaking up the ringing silence. With an amused chuckle, she approached Irene, who was still doting on Himeko even though the reigning RWF Champion was frozen and staring at Victoria like everyone else.

Carter placed two fingers together and gently poked them into the top of Irene's head before twisting them like a key. "Unlock."

The effect was so instant that it took Chloe's breath away. Irene stopped moving, took two comically large blinks before scanning the room, stamped her foot while blushing furiously, and picked up the hem of her skirt so she could run out of the locker room. Not before everyone got a peek at her fishnet stockings and frilly bloomers, though. Poor Irene had really committed to the outfit from head to toe.

"Well done, Himeko. You clearly applied yourself to the craft while I was away. And you. Yes, you, Olivia. Who is that you have baited and hooked on your line, hmm?" Victoria approached Olivia and Ginny. Even though Carter tapped Stark on the cheek and tousled her hair, the former pop star gave no indication that she was aware of anyone else in the room but Owens.

"My, my. Won't you be a fun toy? And do my eyes deceive me, or is this one Ginny Stark? Ah, how delightful. A true socialite in our midst. And with as yummy a mind as her infamous ass. Life surely isn't without its pleasures. Wake her up, Olivia darling."

Owens hesitated for a moment, looking annoyed that whatever she had done to Ginny was being interrupted. But she then cowed in Carter's presence, quickly snapping her fingers twice in Stark's face to break the most downloaded artist on Spotify as of a few years ago from whatever stupor she had been in up to that moment. Like Irene, it was accompanied by two large blinks, a look around the room, and flushed cheeks.

"Stop doing that," Ginny said, sticking her tongue out at Olivia.

"Charming," Victoria said, once again grabbing the attention of the room.

Chloe's heart felt like it had frozen in her chest. She had no idea what was going on, or what these women were doing to one another far from the prying eyes of the fans or even management. What she did have an inkling of, however, was that this had to have been the cause of the original scandal, and that it was only going to get worse now that the rumored ringleader was back in the fray.

"For those of you who hadn't heard the news that broke on socials earlier today, I am indeed back with Remix Wrestling Federation." Carter spoke with an aura of put upon airs that really bugged Chloe. She was clearly trying to project an image to the rest of the world to make up for something else going on within her. But Black looked around to see the rest of the room rapt with attention. Even the loud and brassy Kat had fallen silent. It was an eerie sensation to see everyone like this, and it made the hairs on Chloe's arms stand up.

"I see plenty of new faces mixed with the old, and it brings me joy to be able to both meet and catch up all of you. And I do mean all of you." Victoria's eyes flashed for a moment. It felt dangerous, and a jolt seemed to rush through the locker room. Chloe felt an intense heat in her chest that hadn't been there before.

"Though my main intention is to become RWF Champion once more, of course, I would also like to inform every last one of you that I have also returned to reclaim my place as champion of this locker room. My departure was due to unfortunate circumstances beyond the control of myself and the front office, but I can promise you that management will no longer be intruding on our personal business. Evelyn Taylor herself has assured me that the RWF office both condones and encourages our fun and games. After all, what is life if you don't take some time out of your day to relax and enjoy the spoils, hm? And with that in mind, I'd like to take this time to teach those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about a quick lesson."

Carter once again turned to Stark, grabbing her by the choker around her neck to force eye contact.

"W-what are you--"

"There's no need to worry about that. There's no need to worry about anything at all." Victoria blew a kiss to Ginny, who immediately got starry eyed in her presence. A vacant, adoring smile appeared on her famous face, the sight of which chilled Chloe to the core.

"Alright. That's enough."

Naturally, all heads now turned in the direction of the intruding voice. It belonged to Parker Elliott, who Chloe couldn't recall seeing during her brief tour of the locker room when she'd arrived. Parker, though, was a very familiar face to an avid watcher of RWF programming. Once the undisputed face of the company, she'd unfortunately succumbed to a rash of injuries that had piled up and made simply getting out of bed in the morning hell on Earth. Though she never so much as hinted at retirement, she had disappeared from the scene for nearly a full year before re-emerging in RWF a little over a year ago. She was now a respected voice in wrestling and clearly in this locker room. There was no trace of hesitation in her face or voice.

"This little show's over. Welcome back, Victoria, but the rest of us have a show to put on within the next 20 minutes, and you've already wasted enough of our time. Back at it, ladies. Let's go."

With that kind of permission given from a top tier veteran, the atmosphere quickly returned to normal. Everyone got back to preparing themselves for the night ahead while Parker stared a whole through Victoria until the returning legend snapped Ginny out of that odd state.

"They say if her words don't charm you, her lips definitely will," whispered Alexis, reminding Chloe she wasn't even experiencing this alone from this angle.

"Alexis, what the fuck is going on in this locker room?"

"Two plus two is four, minus one that's three, quick maffs."

"Wha--oh," Chloe sighed, realizing she wasn't going to get a straight answer right now, "Never mind."

[lothirielswan]

"Your Cold, Black Illidad Heart"

Continue Dear Prince Dandelion here.

Quest Objective: Don't break Time.

— KHADGAR’S QUARTERS —

“You won't be joining us tonight?” Khadgar and Kalec wore matching looks of disdain. They seated themselves at a round table dominating Khadgar’s lounge. Lavender and rosy candlelight dyed the room in cool tones. Neat stacks of chips and cards magically arranged themselves before the mages, specially prepared for our beloved Poker Night. 

“She’s ditching us. For a date,” Kalec mused. 

Khadgar sighed heavily. “They grow up so fast. Thank goodness you’re not going anywhere, Kalec. Are you sure you’re going out in that, dear?”

“What’s wrong with this?” I looked down at my clothes. Unlike the two mages adorned in bathrobes and matching slippers, I didn’t wear Poker Night garments. A black trench coat with thigh-high boots made of onyx serpent scales completed my incognito look (all items hand-picked by Wrathion; he prided himself on dressing the family to perfection). 

Khadgar bit his lip. “For a first date—”

“It's not a date, Khadgar.” I corrected, hoping my voice was more convincing than my thoughts. 

“If it's after seven, it's a date. And you put on lip gloss.” Khadgar’s eyes narrowed.

“Chapped lips are an enemy of us all.” I countered, smoothing my coat down for the third time. 

“Regardless, be careful at night. Hooligans are always abound,” Khadgar sighed as he plucked his flask from his breast pocket. “And tell Anduin I say hi.”

My eyes widened in dismay. I hadn't mentioned Anduin’s name. 

“Ah, yes. This family’s obsession with blond humans continues.” Kalec’s voice was dull now that he was condemned to a low-attendance family outing. “Speaking of, I wonder if Wrathion will show.” 

Wrathion hadn't shown his face yet tonight. I doubted he would after his spat with Illidan. The possibility of Illidan’s appearance was also low. Chromie, however, had yet to arrive. 

I passed a bookshelf full of Khadgar’s steamy romance novels on my way out. The books levitated, cataloging themselves in order of Khadgar’s progress with them. I frowned as I caught the glint of empty stamina elixir bottles behind the shifting books. 

“I’ll be on my way,” I called out as I clasped the doorknob. I looked over my shoulder at Kalec, hoping he would monitor the Archmage’s cravings . “If Khadgar falls down, please call for help.” 

Khadgar groaned at the old man joke as I opened the door. “Have a good night—”

“Hi there!” I looked down just in time to spot Chromie in the doorway. She was the mastermind of our poker nights. The bronze dragon usually adorned herself in a bathrobe printed with colorful murlocs, a green cap and goblin shades (Chromie had a flair for the dramatics). Unease fell upon me as I noticed these items missing from her person. 

“I’m so glad I got here in time to run into you, Eona! May I…speak with you?” Chromie’s smile flickered. If the woman who knew the future couldn't fully smile, something was terribly wrong. 

I glanced back at Kalec and Khadgar. They hadn't noticed the tension in the air. I kept my voice light, “Outside, or here?” 

“Let’s step out for a minute.” 

Red alarms wailed in my head. I nodded, softly shutting the door behind me. I dreaded whatever news Chromie carried tonight. 

The halls of the Violet Citadel were empty, save sighs from the endless spiral staircase of the tower of the hiss of hearthstones behind closed doors. Orbs of arcane magic flickered in their wall sconces, allowing flashes of the burgundy wallpaper. Shadows danced across Chromie’s face. 

“How bad?” I asked warily. I had assisted Chromie in the past with tending to time anomalies. My mother had left the red dragonflight to join the bronze dragons, but I didn't pursue the Timekeepers for her legacy. My allegiance was to Chromie, who helped me escape the soulless abyss that lurked beyond the Dark Portal. I owed Chomie my life. 

“Stratholme.” Chromie whispered. I flinched at the term. Our code word for the very worst. 

“The Caverns of Time were raided recently…” Chromie’s light, fairy-like voice was void of the bright assurance that always laced her words. 

A break-in. Someone took an important relic, perhaps? Changed the course of history? I glanced down the hallway, confirming it was empty before we continued to trade whispers, “What’s the damage? Was something stolen?” 

“More like…someone.” Chromie shuddered at memories I couldn't see. “We’ve never had an instance like this before. Usually intruders go for artifacts or seek to alter an event, but this time…I’m coming to you with this problem because I know you’re the only person who won't kill him on sight.” 

“Who?” 

Chromie’s small fists clenched at her sides. “You’ll know him when you see him. He’s not from…around here.” 

Him? I wondered why Chromie wouldn't dare speak the name of who was kidnapped from time, but there was no guarantee who was watching. Someone could travel back in time to witness this very moment that we shared. I nodded obediently without further utterance. 

“There’s something else,” Chromie said quietly. She was wringing her fingers as she spoke. She had never done so before. “I sense something big. Someone else has entered the fray. Their presence makes the future…wobbly. Unpredictable. I’m not going to be a lot of help, I’m afraid, but keep an eye out for whoever might be tampering with things.” 

“It will be taken care of.” I assured her. My words were stronger than my resolve. Two new threats loomed on the rise, and I didn't know a single thing about them. Not even a name. 

“Thank you. Be careful, please! I’ve got a terrible feeling about all of this.” Chromie stepped to the side, allowing me to pass. “Enjoy your outing, Eon. Hopefully it all goes according to Time itself…”

“Thanks, Chromie. Be merciful on them tonight,” I bowed my head in the direction of Kalec and Khadgar. 

The playful light in Chromie’s eyes reappeared. “Mercy is not the trait of a winner!” 

I left Chromie behind and finally began my trek to Anduin. Our chosen meeting place was Antonidas’s statue. The rendezvous ahead would be a delightful distraction from the dark objectives of the future. 

Regardless of night’s reign, Dalaran was awake, stretching its many white chocolate limbs towards the stars. Silhouettes gathered on rooftops to throw fireworks at the jeweled sky. Bards roamed the streets in lamplight, strumming a tune as they traveled from inn to inn. Every tavern I passed teased me with the scent of roasting meats and sweet wine. It really is a nice atmosphere for a date—which is completely irrelevant…! But it would be wonderful.  

I passed a row of closed shops when a hand covered my mouth from behind. They pulled me into the shadows. 

Hooligans are always abound, Khadgar’s voice taunted in my head.

Foreshadowing hardly registered from the swift assault. In a smooth motion, I pulled an electric crystal from my coat and jabbed it against my attacker’s chest. Sparks crackled in the night. 

“Play nice,” A deep voice murmured in my ear. 

I stopped struggling. The kidnapper removed his hand from my frowning mouth. I huffed as I turned to face him, “Khadgar was right. You really suck at parenting.” 

Illidan ignored my comment. We stood alone in the narrow street between closed establishments. 

“I require your assistance,” Illidan said. His voice was the embodiment of night; each word was a velvet purr like the ruffle of silk sheets in a dark bedroom. There was a subtle growl beneath the sultry; a predator stalking slumbering prey. 

“Sorry, I’m not available tonight. Someone’s expecting me,” I started to turn from him. There had been enough obstacles on my way to see Anduin tonight. 

Illidan’s claw fell upon my shoulder. Against my will, I faced the demon hunter once more. His wings fluttered with irritation. “This is not a request.” 

I glanced back down the road. Guards were coming around the corner. They were ordered to retain Illidan on sight for escaping the Purple Parlor. 

“Is there any way to postpone this?” I pleaded.

“No.”

“Is it quick?”

“It would be quicker if you put an end to your queries.” Illidan snapped. 

My shoulders slumped. The urge to see Anduin was ebbing to disappointment. What would happen if I didn't show? Would Anduin assume I ditched him? Pain racked my chest at the thought. 

Something in my face must’ve altered Illidan’s approach. The edge in his voice had lessened, “I made a discovery that might thwart the Legion’s progress across the cosmos. Their demise is still a desire of yours, I assume.” 

My nails dug into my palms at the mention of the cosmic terror. I witnessed Illidan battle the endless army of demons throughout my childhood. The Legion had drained the life out of my homeland and consumed my father. Hatred for demons had a special place in  my black heart, but I didn't let it control my life like the former night elf before me. 

“What did you find?” I said. 

“Join me,” With a gesture of his claws, a portal burbled into existence.

Footsteps of guards beat upon the cobblestone around the corner. Illidan looked at me. I was to go first.

I sighed and stepped forward. Fel energies curled around my body, eating at my skin like acid. I’m sorry, Andy. 

The fel portal groaned as I emerged on the other side. The bitter magic lingered on my flesh like an unwanted touch. Rain tapped my nose from above. 

I squinted up at the steel wall of clouds. The green of the trees was a dull olive without the presence of an astral body in the sky. Rainfall dripped from thin branches, sloped into submission against the constant downpour. 

Illidan appeared behind me. A cold separate from the climate settled under my skin as I recognized our surroundings. “Why are we in Gilneas?”

With a single step of Illidan���s hooves, ravens fled the branches above us. Most animals regarded Illidan as a powerful predator not to be crossed. Black feathers and rain cascaded from the sky as Illidan stalked through the woods. 

“Because no one else is. It was deemed unsafe by the summit from use of toxic chemicals,” Illidan’s lip curled in amusement as if such harmful substances were child’s play. 

Toxic chemicals. The invasion of Gilneas. Sylvanas released the blight. My hands instinctively wrapped around my throat. 

Illidan paused to look back at me and glare. “The fumes have long died off. Fel poisoning on Outland was a far greater threat than an over-glorified pesticide.”

“In the scenario you just created, the pests are humans!” I hissed.

“I stand corrected.”

Slowly, I unclasped my hands from my throat and inhaled deeply for the first time. Wet moss and fresh downpour were all I could detect.

Illidan waited until I had caught up with him to continue our brisk hike through the forest. He lifted one of his wings, shielding me from the sky’s tears. 

“So, how does…whatever this is stop the Legion?” I asked him. 

“He’s strong.” Illidan was reluctant to utter the compliment. “He also has intelligence that no other being possesses.”

“He? ” 

The trees gave way to a clearing. At the center, an abandoned hunting lodge was buried in overgrowth. The roof slouched against the onslaught of droplets and flourishing silverleaf. A chicken coop squatted in front of the house, the rusted iron netting overrun by weeds. 

Mud sucked at the soles of my shoes as the grass kept its distance from the property. I glanced at Illidan as we passed the chicken coop. “You’re not nesting, are you?” 

“You are one of the few that I allow to give questionable commentary.” Illidan remarked. 

“Because it warms your cold, black Illidad heart?”

“Never refer to me with that putrid term again!” Illidan flashed his teeth as he sneered in disgust. “I hold sentiment for no one. But you’re the last remnant of my most trusted and powerful allies from Outland.” 

I swallowed a lump in my throat. It was rare for Illidan to speak of our past on Outland. Few beings were left from that part of our lives. And those that died were nothing but monsters from a nightmare long past to everyone else. 

“You’re father’s betrayal aside,” Illidan added.

“You had to sneak that in there, didn't you?” 

We stood at the entrance to the house. Illidan’s brows furrowed, “I take no joy in this. Your assistance is necessary for his livelihood…you are the only one who won't kill him on sight.” 

My head snapped towards him. Hearing Chromie’s words out of Illidan’s mouth had the sinking feeling of a prophecy. Unavoidable. Set in stone. 

“What did you do?” I whispered.

Illidan pushed the door open. My eyes fell upon the face of my mother’s best friend. A man that I had killed years ago. Another monster from a living nightmare.

Arthas.

Continue Dear Prince Dandelion here.

[copper-tones]

saw barbie movie. in terms of feminism, mid.

here’s my 3 reasons, no “women bad”, capitalism not mentioned, spoilers abound. least to most egregious in my eyes:

3. i want genital nullification, tldr the no genitals look of any doll. that makes the closing joke land less hard. worst case, it says that all women want/would choose vaginas, but i’m not willing to claim that’s the audience’s takeaway. but it does suck that a chance for some interesting representation was shut down. even leaving it open ended would have felt nice.

2. why barbie vs. ken? i thought feminism was about dismantling the patriarchy and achieving gender equality, not “winning”. you should be able to flip all genders and have no issues either way. barbieland had a matriarchy until the knowledge of the patriarchy came over and the kens broke free. so why didn’t they come to a compromise? it messes with the messaging because returning to the status quo is anti-feminist. the narrator claiming change comes is a copout.

1. the climactic speech isn’t as effective as it could be. for one, there’s a kind of implied “society says… but it doesn’t need to be that way”. which is fine, except there’s only a few women who break society’s mold, and barely in a major way. it’s also kind of a negative framing of it. why not a positive message?

you are beautiful. everyone will see different ways your’e beautiful, and for reasons you haven’t even thought of. and not in any necessarily relationship-oriented way. just that, you’re cool.

this thought still comes into my head when i replay that scene.

on the other hand, maybe it’s a perfectly serviceable film. i watched a critique before seeing the movie and that could have irrevocably twisted my opinion.

[wolfgirlmay]

Dusk & The Sarkaz Prince

Characters - Dusk x Hibiscus

Summary - Hibiscus participates in Rhodes’s Island annual fundraiser and aims to make Dusk ́s heart skip a beat or two while getting lots of donations.

Word Count - 1,266

Tags - Humor, Drag, Drag King Hibiscus, Trans Dusk, Lava and Nian are there too, NSFW, Sexual content happens mostly off-screen, Hibiscus uses He/Him while in character.

Notes - This is a slight rewrite of an old fic that I love but did not feel it was enough of a change to post on AO3 again.  No beta read and English is not my first language so grammatical errors abound.

It was time for Rhodes Island's annual fundraiser, and this year Nian and Closure cooked up their best scheme yet, a drag king show featuring some of Rhodes Island's most popular operators.

The plan was simple; have tons of cheap alcohol, let the audience put money to vote for their favorite performers, and at the end of the show, once they were all good and tipsy, sell signed prints of the performers in their outfits for extra profit.

Of course this could only work if the incentive for voting was a good one. And to this point, Kal’tsit made the perfect recommendation. The most voted contestants would be featured in a calendar they could sell for a boost in funding.

The resulting event was a total success. Entry tickets sold out in record time, the crowd was having a great time, and judging by the reactions so far, voting and merchandise would bring in a ton more LMD. They were only about half way through the show and already well on track to break last year's record, and that was not even accounting for their online merch sales.

“Give another round of applause for Moby Dick!” Nian called over the speaker system.

Nian’s boisterous tone was almost lost in the cheer of the crowd. The auditorium, full to the brim, exploded in applause, screams, and the feral squealing of a certain shark as the latest performer left the stage with a reserved bow.

“Don’t forget everything you expend tonight goes to a good cause! Keep the drinks rolling, and use that hard earned cash to put some votes towards your favorite performers.”

Among the lively crowd were two less outspoken observers, Lava and Dusk. The two girls were seated in the front row, a privilege of Nian producing the show and Hibiscus being one of the featured performers. Neither of them were fond of such crowded, or loud, spaces, but they were willing to make an exception to support their respective lovers.

Two cups of wine hit the girls table and the crowd began to calm down as the stage was being prepared for the next performer.

“God, that shark's wailing felt like it was piercing my soul,” Dusk complained.

Lava nodded approvingly. “No joke, I thought I was gonna go deft.”

Lava and Dusk took a long relaxing sip of their drinks. Despite their complaints, they were having a fun night together. It turned out they had more in common than they first knew, and if they were being entirely honest with themselves, they were enjoying the show.

“Hey, did Hibiscus tell you when she was up?”

“No,” Dusk said with a shake of her head. “She would not even tell me her stage name or anything. She said that she wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Yeah, that sounds like my sister alright.”

Nian’s voice came back to life with an electric buzz, ready to announce the next performer. “Next up, all the way from Victoria, he aims to claim your hearts with his royal charm and sweet music! Give a warm welcome to…”

Dusk’s tail perked up. “Could it be?”

Lava shrouded with fear. “I have a bad feeling about this…”

“...Prince Long Flute!!” Nian finished.

Dusk knew instantly, but she was still shocked. “Prince…Long Flute?” she mumbled to herself as she began awkwardly clapping.

Lava facepalmed. “Ughh, I knew she would pick a terrible name.”

To the roaring applause came out a well dressed figure. A pristine black suit featuring a vibrant flower on its jacket’s pocket, half gloves and dress shoes to match, and an immaculate violet bottom up shirt in full display through the open jacket made up his outfit. His short yet flowing lavender hair framed his heart melting smile as he playfully waved to the crowd.

The pace erupted with cheers and Dusk had to bring both her hands to her mouth to restrain the wild noise that was forming in the back of her throat. “A prince, he is a prince. A twinky, handsome prince!!” the dragon thought to herself as she stared in awe.

Lava looked at Dusk with a teasing grin. “Looks like you are the one about to squeal now.”

She was, and could not muster the words to deny it. Seeing Hibiscus like this was filling Dusk’s mind with more inappropriate thoughts than she ever thought possible.

Nian’s commentary continued. “Have his princely looks already conquered the audience, or will this slender prince have to do more to win them over?”

Prince Long Flute stood tall in the middle of the stage, flute at the ready, and offered the audience a playful wink, getting a loud roar in response. Dusk, unable to hold on any longer, joined in with the cheering crowd.

“Looks like our prince charming is ready to show us his skills!”

With that Nian’s commentary stopped. Prince Long Flute moved his flute aside and brought  a finger to his mouth. He dexterously took his glove off with his teeth and then flung it to Dusk down in the audience. The dragon squealed like the Shark before her and blushed a vibrant red. The crowd loved it, going wild at the bold display.

The ensuing musical performance was mostly lost on Dusk who was still flustered beyond belief. After the show was over and the voting results were up, Dusk made her way backstage. The dragon looked frantically around the crowded dressing room for her lover.

“Dusk, over here!”

Dusk rushed to the familiar voice. She greeted her lover, still in full costume, with a quick kiss and held them in her arms in a cramped corner of the dressing room. “You were great out there.”

“Thank you, I figured you would like it. So, did I make your heart skip a beat?”

“You always do, but that was just unfair.” Dusk returned the glove to her lover. “I almost passed out when you pulled that stunt.”

Hibiscus let out a giggle before putting on her character once more, changing her tone to match that of her noble persona. “I guess my charms worked on you, my fair lady.”

“Hibi… No. Prince Long Flute, you have no idea. I can’t wait till we are alone, there are so many things I want to do to you right now.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

Dusk held her lover by the chin and teasefully ran her thumb against his lips. “First off I want to put that mouth of yours to work. I want to see if you are as good at handling me as you are with that flute of yours.” Dusk leaned in to whisper into his ear. “I will have you on your knees, sucking me off until I ruin that pretty face of yours.”

“That can be arranged, after all it is a prince's duty to take care of his lady.”

“Good,” Dusk purred. “You are such a good boy, and good boys let themselves be pegged all night long, right?”

“But of course. It would be ill fitting of Victorian nobility not to. Why don't we make way for my chambers? I promise they will be to your liking, my sweet patron.”

“Yes, yes.” Dusk claimed his lips with passion, her serpentine tail possessively warping around him as she did so. “Let’s get out of here, my prince.”

The role play continued all night long, until Dusk was done breaking her twink. She loved Hibiscus in all ways she came, from the sweet but fierce medic, to the noble prince from Victoria. She just could never have enough of the Sarkaz.

The End

Thanks for reading!!

[safyresky]

YOOO hellooo!!

Okay! It took me awhile to think of some titles, lmao, BUT:

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Road Trip

Lazy Day

Poker Face

Ghost Town

These are all from my braino but I DID at one point consult a fic title generator just to see what it cooked up and the first result was “Case of the Blue Pygmy” which— you don’t have to do anything with, but thought you’d appreciate bc it had me absolutely. HowLING. Catch Mel constantly referring to Jack as “the Blue Pygmy” from this point onwards, lmaooooo.

ALSO ALSO PLEASE tell me about Fino’s orcish rival, they sound fab!!! The Lucy in me is already shipping like mad! 🥺🥺💖

THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT THIS ORCISH FELLOW OF FINO'S (not to sound like my 60 plus year old neighbour) BECAUSE I LOVE HIM TO BITS (orc friend shenanigans under cut)

ANYWAY, HERE'S WONDERWALL PROMPT REPLIES

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Would take place in Pyros House Arrest AU. Could also be called "How Jacqueline Finally Got Used To Having Her Evil Uncle Around".

CRYSTAL SPRINGS SPOILERS ABOUND

In which, during multiple midnight rice krispies cereal excursions, Jacqueline and Pyros start to sort of get along. Sort of. Would include: a lot of roasting (Pyros is like is this how Blaise is going to kill me dead if I don't behave?? His teenage/young adult daughter just roasts me to death with WORDS?!). Unpacking the whole, uh, evil mind control bit, and uh. All that. As well. She doesn't forgive her Uncle for taking away her agency and attempting to destroy everything she knows, however, she can make him see how bad that was. Y'know. Through ROASTING. Until the ice breaks with a shitty joke >:)

CRYSTAL SPRINGS SPOILERS UN-ABOUND

Road Trip

The Legates get de-magic'd and have to road trip cross country (countries?!?!?) to get their magic back in working order.

This one is an ANCIENT idea that popped into my head MANY years ago when I was at the Big Apple. Not New York, no; at the Big Apple, Canada, which is this roadside attraction off the highway in the Trenton/Kingston corridor. It's. Well.

It's a Big Apple.

Google it.

You Will See why I say it is a CURSED OBJECT. The guy who created it was inspired by DISNEYLAND I shit you not. The view from the top of the apple is abysmal. IT'S ON THE SIDE OF THE 401. THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE BUT TREES AND PEOPLE DRIVING BAD AND ANYWHERE FROM 20 TO 40KM OVER THE LIMIT. Their claim to fame, aside from the giant murderous apple that could TOTALLY be a weeping angel, are apple based products. They only got an apple orchard like in the last 5ish years. They have existed for at LEAST twenty.

ANYWAY they have this sign at the front of the shop that just has like, all these locations and how far from the Big Apple they are, and one of them is the North Pole, and every time I see that sign (I regret to admit I have stopped at the big apple too much for my liking), I think of a scenario where Jacqueline tries to poof herself and several legates, but their magic is fuckey so who KNOWS where they'll end up, and when they appear she sees the 401, sees the big apple, and is just like GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. Thankfully a witch she knows has a little shop down the street so they go there for help! (Mel perhaps? Who's to say!)

Lazy Day

Blaise tries to have a lazy day. It does not go well at all. This man is inCAPABLE of doing nothing. Winter catches him prepping dinner and she almost freezes him solid. She's like, this is not how a lazy day works. Blaise is like but we need to eat and Winter's like I CAN COOK, DEAR, BACK TO THE COUCH GO ON NOW DON'T MAKE ME KNOCK YOU OUT

Poker Face

Either Winter enters a poker tournament and cleans everybody out, gets banned from poker tournaments. OR. A 1000 word piece on all of Blaise's tells told from Winter's POV (maybe a stream of consciousness bc I think Winter's thoughts must be very funny) that explains why he's so easy to read (to her) because, believe it or not, Winter doesn't actually cheat at cards ;)

Ghost Town

Diteline kids find themselves in a right pickle when they are trapped in a literal ghost down. It is deserted except for ghosts. Robyn and Eira/Bianca (still haven't decided on which name for her ): won't stop bickering about which one of the two of them got the three siblings stuck in the Ghost Town. Robyn's like you shouldn't have opened the weird door! And Eira/Bianca is like YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT hey sis check out this cool scroll, and ACTIVATED IT MISTER OU LOOK AT ME, I CAN WARLOCK!

While the two youngest are arguing, Joy reaches out and touches a ghost and it goes from a passive little floating sad sack to a murderous violence machine, making things about 1000% worse.

So now the three have to fend off all the murderous shades while trying to figure out why they're trapped and if putting the ghosts back in the afterlife will free them from Ghost Town because Mom's making burritos tonight and Mater made an angel food cake with SPRINKLES IN IT and this is one of the FAVOURITE dinner/dessert combos the kiddos have.

Object: Figure out why the ghost town exists, fight the ghosts to get the town fixed, and make it back home in time for dinner!

Their moms have no idea where the kids are today. It's just a fun evening of cooking for them, while their kids are facing The Horrors.

---

"The Blue Pygmy" sounds like some kind of very inconvenient little monster, so I think Mel's onto something with dubbing Jack that lmao. Either that, or it's a weird magibean cold/flu 😂😂😂😂.

DR. MILLER, WE'VE GOT PYGMYS, CODE BLUE and she's like well SHIT! and rushed over to be a bamf doctor witch as she do!

Anyway, thanks for sending this in!

(from this post: send me a made up fic title and i'll tell you what i'd write about)

RIGHT SO ORC FRIEND

I haven't even NAMED HIM YET but he snuck his way right into my heart (and also Fino's! Fun fact! Of all 4 kiddos Fino is the only one to ACTUALLY TELL A PERSON HE LIKES THAT HE LIKES THEM. He's the suave one out of all 4, believe it or not. Jack is like "I'll keep everything bottled up inside until I DIE", Jacqueline is the most OBLIVIOUS mother fucker and then, when aware, an absolute MESS of a magibeing, and Fiera panics hard before finally attempting to take the first step if she doesn't get overwhelmed with uh. EMOTIONS and EVERY WORD SHE WNATS TO SAY EXPLODING ALL AT ONCE while she's trying to do the asking) and I am soft for him and Fino! Ah!

BUT ANYWAY when Fins is in caster school, he meets this orc who always, always, ALWAYS has to get better marks than him. It's like a competition. Very one sided, bc Fino's just vibing and happy to learn. But Orc Friend is like, if I do not surpass this sprite I will surely perish.

Turns out, the orc is under a lot of pressure from a parent to DO BETTER for w/e reason, and our orc friend is very stressed until one day he like, explodes when Fino gets half a mark better than him on an ALREADY PERFECT TEST.

Fino, who has 0 concept of this competition being a thing, is like dude. Okay. Why is this a thing. Why are you so upset, the only reason I got a half mark more was b/c of this doodle here! Like why are you pitting us against each other, that's how you get RANK mental health!

And the orc admits that his parent or parents really want him to be top of his class and DO BETTER and he's really, really trying but he doesn't LIKE it and it's taking the joy out of learning all the magic shit and Fino is, of course, appalled bc learning is SO FUN TO HIM. HE LOVES THAT SHIT. How DARE someone make learning NOT FUN. ILLEGAL

So they become study buds and Fino helps him like, love learning again. Orc friend does a LOT better when Fino is making it fun and helping him not feel the pressures of home life NEEDING him to do good! He's just doing it! And their one-sided rivalry ship becomes a funky two-sided FRIENDLY rivalry that they both ham up on occasion (Fiera is very proud when Fino fake dies when Orc Friend does better than HIM by half a mark, Orc Friend thinks it's gd hilarious) and Orc Friend now has a Fino Friend!

Anyway, they become roommates later on and Fino brings him to holidays and shit and he v much becomes one of the family and is often referred to as Fino's partner :) I'm still debating if Fins is on the aro scale or not, so this bit's a little murky, BUT it is so important to me that you know that when Fino's like oh I like this dude more than normal, he is like to Orc Friend "Hey man, I think ur real neat, wanna go out??" Like. It is SO IMPORTANT TO ME THAT YOU KNOW, THAT EVERYONE KNOWS, THAT FINO IS THE ONLY FROSTY KIDDO TO ACT NORMAL WHEN LIKING SOMEONE. SO IMPORTANT TO ME TO MAKE THIS KNOWN.

okay I opened this ask with this bit but I have gotten uh, carried away with Orc Friend (who feels like a Ken?? But that CAN'T be right), so imma just. Slide this under a cut and pretend I STARTED with the uh, original ask box shenanigan :o

but YEAH. Holidays at Frost Manor are FUN in later years. Fino and Orc Friend are like, sparring together in the backyard, talking smack and shit (it's their flirting). Fiera's latest catch is probably schmoozing the parents, unless it's her one long term partner who is SO fucking normal, he's probably like, grilling with Blaise and Fiera is just sitting at the bench like, ogling him like "my god. my god he is flipping burgers while holding the WORST beer ever. He is so normal. holy shit. I'm love him".

Dite and Jacqueline are being v cute, or, Dite is being a sweetheart while Jacqueline either A) ogles Dite being sunshine incarnate while Fiera ogles mister normal, or, B) doing something absolutely batshit with the Diteline kids (depending where in the timeline we are) and dodging Fins and Orc Friend sparring.

Suddenly Jack goes flying through a window, lands in a heap. Killian sticks his head out the broken window, laughing at Jack's pain.

Just another holiday at Frost Manor ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[fossilfix]

AT THE END OF THE EARTH - A Modern ‘Lost World’ Setting

The Lost World is perhaps the most well known archetype for dinosaur stories. By some miracle of geography, whether it’s a mysterious plateau, a remote island, a hidden valley or caverns in the centre of the earth, prehistoric life has survived into the modern age & has been discovered by explorers from the outside world.

Many of them come from or are inspired by old pulp adventure novels by the likes of Jules Verne, Edgar Rice Burroughs & Arthur Conan Doyle & tend to carry that legacy with them. There’s a certain retro fantasy vibe that comes with these stories, which isn’t at all a bad thing. They’re high-flying adventures with dashing heroes & thrills abound, but they also carry a little outdated thematic baggage. They’re an heirloom of the colonial age when white, western civilization ventured out into lands unknown, proudly staked their claim & immediately sought to subjugate its inhabitants & exploit its resources.

So how do you do a modern take on the lost world? How do you make it relevant to the world at present? Well, here’s my attempt. 

As the 21st century pushes forwards, man made climate change is causing widespread chaos. Across the world, reliable weather systems are breaking down, crops are failing & low-lying settlements are flooding. Famine & the need for habitable land has seen a mass exodus of refugees fleeing their homes & fierce conflicts breaking out over habitation.

As the world warms, the geography of Antarctica has changed dramatically. The great ice sheets that once blanketed the far south are melting away. Research stations built on the ice have been abandoned as they fall into the sea, while those on solid ground make an astonishing discovery. The rising temperatures & increasing rainfall have not only thawed the Antarctic continent, but revived an ecosystem frozen beneath it. A land of steep mountains & valleys, temperate rainforests & boggy marshlands. And Dinosaurs!

It turns out that during the cataclysmic extinction event at the end of the Mesozoic, the great & terrible reptiles on the southern continents fled the disaster into the sheltered valleys of Antarctica where they outlived their northern cousins. Since Antarctica froze over during the Cenozoic era, they share this land with other strange animals that evolved in the aftermath. Bone-crushing marsupial predators, herds of early hoofed mammals, huge carnivorous birds & giant ground sloths.

Despite the hazards, the prospect of a whole continent of habitable land is a beacon of hope for displaced peoples, so a relocation program begins. Being the closest land to Antarctica, Argentina offers up its southern tip as a gateway to the Antarctic peninsula, & begins ferrying refugees to newly established settlements. But then, the British intervene! By the terms of the 1959 Antarctic Treaty, the British & Argentine claims to the frozen continent overlap, & the British government decides that an influx of foreign refugees on British territory is tantamount to an invasion!

[This might sound on-the-nose over-the-top evil, but less than a week after I wrote this the UK’s home secretary literally called refugees on the south coast an invasion. Satire is dead & the world is a joke.]

So conflict arises once again. With the UK refusing to ratify the 2048 renewal of the Antarctic treaty, battleships start to fill the southern seas as nations defend their claims to the most valuable land on the planet. Beneath the surface, Antarctica has untapped reserves of valuable resources, including oil, coal & rare-earth minerals. The megacorporations with their power & political sway, even in the face of a global crisis, can’t overcome their hunger for profit & campaign to plunder the new land for all its worth.  Tensions are high. There are stand-offs between naval fleets & ground troops, backed by corporate funding to take hold of Antarctica’s natural wealth. A war for the south pole seems imminent.

Then the winds change. Refugees & defectors from their home nations decide enough is enough. The ignorance & greed that plunged the human race into crisis now threatens its only hope of a safe future, so a revolution rises amidst the conflict. Self-declared Antarctic citizens, united by their desire for sustainable survival, they now fight to protect their new home from the political & corporate powers that see this land of plenty at the end of the earth as just another exploitable opportunity.

[just-your-average-cryptid]

well I’ve been reminded of it so might as well say words about it

are you tired of apocalypse stories where the message appears to be “everything sucks and Humans Bad?” same! and since the last poll seemed to work out I’m gonna try this:

1:

“I mean, I just… can you really call this human?”

“…explain?”

“Like… I’m mostly cybernetics. A consciousness in a machine. I don’t even have memories. I’m just. Here. Barely even alive, really, just… following programming.”

“First of all, you’re telling a half-zombie this. I’m almost entirely rotted, missing an eye, and questionably mortal, but I’m still calling myself human. Because I am.”

“You remember being human. I don’t.”

“Look at me. For all intents and purposes, I should be dead. Practically already dead. No heartbeat, no blood, barely any living cells if I even have them. And yet.”

“And yet?”

“And yet I live. I live because I do. Because I say I do, and that’s good enough for me. So what exactly are you doing when you breathe the same air, see the same sunrises, move and eat and think and survive? Because that sounds like living to me.”

“And to be honest? This whole moody introspective thing? Philosophizing on the meaning of humanity? That’s as human as it gets, dude.”

2:

“Goooood morning District 29, looks like weather today is a bit cloudy with some light afternoon showers expected around 2 - if you don’t have a working clock, that’s about four patrols after midday, but til then the air is breathable and sunshine abounds!”

“Hordes today are congregating around the western edge of the city, some breaking off to the central Dome but not a big group. Intel says raider bands are planning something big, likely a raid on a Dome, so keep an eye out folks.”

“I don’t know about you all - assuming anyone’s listening, of course - but I’m doing alright up here; solar system is running smoothly, the veggie field is coming in beautifully this season, and the megagarden is just starting to bloom. Gods, is it beautiful. I wish you could see it. Maybe if we get our act together and do societies again I can give yours. But you’re not here to listen to me ramble, you’re here for the greatest hits from 1980 to whatever year everything went to hell and back.”

“So whether you’re a new listener, an old fan, or me projecting into the empty void, welcome one and all to Apocalypse Radio!”

if you’re a human reading this, please reblog if you vote! the daily bot block is not any more enjoyable when it’s your only activity :, )

[gins-potter]

no context episode 8 thoughts

- no one has to know? Mate your daughter is literally a strigoi someone will work it out eventually - Mason you have returned - Ngl thought you were gonna die off screen - Glad to see I’m wrong - lissa that is quite the outfit you’re wearing - I hate it but I love that you have the confidence to go out looking like that - What is with all the fluffy russian hats? - Stop marrying off children - Jesus - Actually have we established yet how old they are? - It feels very intentionally vague - Dude really stuck a post it note to her boob - rose you’re being very loud with your feelings rn - this lissa is so much more self aware than book lissa, it’s making me hard to dislike her - ASDFGHJL rose - Girl about faced and got the fuck out of there - Christian that suit is… I genuinely can’t decide if it’s amazing or horrible - OH MY GOD ARE THEY GETTING MARRIED NOW??? - Alright the suit is horrible - If the context is that they’re getting married it’s a bad suit - awww not dragozera being cute - Lissa getting married in a pantsuit? Iconic queen - Okay are they getting married or are they abounding their betrothal I need answers - Christian has such a fucking cute face - I just wanna smooch his cheeks - Oh eww not the blood - Rip Meredith interrupting the wedding/engagement - I bet Dimitri thinks of running as therapy - Oh Dimitri talking a little smack about the Dragomirs??? - Spicy - fuck off tatiana - Dimitri you little shit - Bad Dimitri - They really have feeders lying on a table like they’re a meal - Well - They kinda are - Oh wait victor’s husband doesn’t know about sonya? - Bet that goes over well later - “I have a record of 50 and 0” fucking bodied - Rose you’re being loud with your feelings again - So many fluffy Russian hats - Awww Mason you’re such a simp - Oh Christian with that puppy dog face you’re really not threatening - oh dang - awwww Rose is so heartbroken - Her girlfriend got engaged to someone else - Also this fight is almost tacky but at the same time hilariously on the nose for Moroi making dhampirs fight so one of them can get the crown - Also the fact that they are wearing the capes and headbands is fucking sending me - This shouldn’t be hot - And yet - I bet this is how domestic Romitri work out their arguments, just go and spar for an hour or so - “I DONT WANT TO HURT YOU” - “ITS TOO LATE” - DONT TOUCH ME DONT LOOK AT ME - oh shit Dimitri - Awww the baby doesn’t know what to do with himself - He hurt the woman he loves I am emotional - Dang rose you’re beating the shit out of him - lowkey obsessed with Lissa’s necklace - That is one giant fuck off sapphire heart - Very titanic vibes - oh great old dude’s blood in their mouths - I’d spit it out - Screw being king or queen - The memory walker chick awkwardly whispering the price is exactly what it’s like being a retail worker - 10/10 for realism - awww baby Sonya and Mia - lowkey mad that they took the trials which was a great storyline for lissa and gave it to Victor - rip Tatiana who’s still tripping out on the sideline - Oh she mad - ummm girl what? - Dimitri as king? - I mean I love him but absolutely not - DIMITRI WHAT THE FUCK? - i mean like I know why you’re doing this but still - WHAT THE FUCK? - are rose and lissa gonna just keep breaking up in different ways? - oh wait those were christian’s parents? - Welp, didn’t actually recognise them - Christian’s parents murdering Lissa’s? Super unfortunate - wait so are dragozera breaking up again? - Jesus is no one safe in this show? - is this like a one final kiss situation or a jokes we can’t live without each other moment? - and we thought the books timeline was messed up - Oh god running away with Mason? - I mean you’ve been through a lot rose so trying not to judge but yeesh what a choice - I want one of those rock chairs - Why do I think Tatiana has something up her sleeve? - Oh what the fuck Tatiana - This is messed up

[distort-opia]

Since you mentioned TWOJAR in one of your asks, do you have the screenshot of Batman saying he has to love Catwoman? Or any other traces of Batjokes that comic has? I'd love to hear your thoughts on it :)

I do have it, here you go! It's from Batman (2016) #32:

Batjokes in TWOJAR, you say? I'm going to have to put this under the cut, this will definitely get long. And also quite spoilery, both for TWOJAR and the Batman/Catwoman current run, so -- you have been warned.

Now... TWOJAR (The War of Jokes and Riddles) has its good parts and bad parts, though the bad mostly outweighs the good. The basic premise of TWOJAR is that, before asking Selina to marry him, Bruce tells Selina the story of the worst moment in his life. This apparently came early in his career, when suddenly Joker couldn't laugh anymore, and him and Riddler basically ended up battling and splitting Gotham in half, with Batman having to choose a side in a brutal war full of casualties.

I do love the concept of the ending. Joker stopping Bruce from killing someone (and the knife going through his outstretched hand is just so good), because if Batman killed... he'd cease being Batman, and Joker needs him to exist. My issue, however, is with the execution. It's heavily OOC for Bruce to try and kill Riddler at that point in time, and over the death of just another innocent life lost in their fight. You're telling me he doesn't snap and kill Joker for the shit he's done, but bam, he tried to stab Edward out of nowhere? A decision like that on Bruce's side would take much dire circumstances. In theory, I think he could snap and kill someone, but... not like this, King. Dammit.

Still, I do love this (also Batman #32):

...I mean. "What separates me from them... is a hand on a knife. His hand. [...] I'm just what he made me." The Batjokes abounds.

I have seen it criticized that the premise of the whole comic falls flat, because Bruce tells Selina that he almost killed someone before asking her to marry him, as if that would matter so much to her, a criminal -- and it evidently doesn't, since Selina does agree to marry him. But I think that's missing the point. The horrible thing that Bruce tells Selina isn't focused on the fact he nearly killed someone. That's not it. The horrible sin he confesses to is the following: Joker was the one to stop him. What he needs Selina to know, before she makes any decision, is the fact that Batman exists for Joker. He's telling her, 'I'm not Batman solely because of a moral code or any nobleness on my part. I am Batman because Joker needed me to be.' That's what haunts him, that’s the thing Selina would have to accept in order to be with him. Arguably, the fact that his entire existence is defined by someone else.

Aaand... after all that, that's when he says, "I have to love you. But you don't have to love me." To me it feels like one of those tragic cases in which you're in love with who you are while with someone, not with the person themselves. Bruce wants what settling down with Selina represents. Not to say he doesn't love Selina or care about her, of course he does; but he's in love with an idea. (Do not even get me started on some subtextual suggestions in the Batman/Catwoman run that Selina is a less dangerous version of Joker that he could marry. Or how physically, Selina and pre-acid-bath Joker are eerily similar dark-haired individuals with green eyes. Or on the blatant The Killing Joke parallel King made in one of the earlier Rebirth issues, in which Bruce comes to Arkham to talk to someone in a mask and a straitjacket, saying "We need to talk" and dragging a chair to sit down, and then it's revealed that it's freaking Selina. I mean... I don’t know how to break it to DC writers that if they don’t want people to ship Batjokes, they should freaking stop paralleling Joker to Bruce’s canon female love interests. King is like... this close to outright saying Joker is a legitimate romantic rival of Selina’s for Bruce’s love, it’s driving me crazy.)

Either way, funny how Joker is so central to Bruce asking the woman he loves to marry him. And what gets me is that clearly, Selina understood the truth of things quite well. In Batman/Catwoman #3, which is basically King's continuation of the Batcat storyline, Selina says the following about Bruce and Joker when told of Joker's death:

"They existed with each other, maybe for each other." Her own words. Hell, no wonder she wanted Joker dead so badly, and in the end is the one to kill him. But only after Bruce himself died -- because as long he lived, he would never let that happen.

[shallitickleyournerdbutton]

After the heartache of the Volume 8 finale, I would like to return to a happier point in the show and suggest some memes/jokes that I like to think the students at Beacon would have had. More closely inline with the RWBY Chibi-verse, than the actual show - where Nothing Bad Ever Happened.

"Who's child is this?" being used to refer to Ruby - the youngest student at Beacon - when she's left unsupervised and/or doing something odd.

"I'd let Glynda punish/whip me for one corn chip."

Every now and again "Missing - Have you seen this person?" posters for Professor Peach will pop up around campus. No one knows who it is that keeps making them.

Vomit Boy candids being taken and shared any time Jaune is Suffering™️ on some form of transport.

The Great One plush of Pyrrha exists in-universe... and becomes the go-to prize for any stupid competition between the students. There's at least a dozen of these dolls on campus now, owned by various people and won as "spoils of war."

There's a dedicated chalkboard in the combat room for tallying how many times Nora has launched someone into the stratosphere. Notable mentions are listed on the board alongside her of other people who have achieved this feat - including Yang, Yatsuhashi, and Glynda.

(She launched both Port and Oobleck one day when they kept annoying her. Sometimes, their screams can still be heard if you listen closely enough.)

"There's that old guy again..." "Oh, shopkeep? Yea, he's everywhere. Don't think too much about it."

This leads to "Don't think too much about it." becoming something of a slogan for every time anything unusual happens.

"Candy canes, kids! One for Sun Wukong, one for Yang Xiao-Long, ooh four for Coco Adel, you go Coco!"

"I--"

"Andnoneforweissschneebye~"

Team STRQ having something akin to legend status at Beacon, whispered in hushed voices for fear and reverence of their names. There's a war between the students regarding team JNPR as their successors vs. the students who insist JNPR are not anywhere near worthy of such a title.

"How many team CRDLs does it take to beat Pyrrha?"

Blurry fancam-style videos of the Qrow vs. Winter fight out in the courtyard being traded around like baseball cards with other students. Some try and manufacture a "rematch" of this with the materials they've got - trying to get Ruby and Weiss to fight each other. 

That weird sing-song "HellOooOo~" that Yang sometimes does being mimicked by everyone. And I mean everyone.

Any time there's a significant lull in conversations or classes, someone often asks "Why are we here?" which never fails to make everyone in the vicinity groan.

"Ozpin is compensating for something" jokes about his office chair - including at least one popular response being "it's the war crimes", without them knowing just how accurate they actually are.

"On a scale of Ren-Nora, how excited do you want me to be?"

"Ladies Love Lavender" referring to Lisa Lavender having her own in-universe fandom mostly comprised of women. (Lavender being associated with lesbians irl, and I just think this would be funny.)

The sight of Ren just picking up and carrying Nora away from something is so commonplace that other people start doing it to their friends when they Need To Stop.

"Why is Blake's bow so big?" "Because it's full of secrets."

Blake being a closet faunus being such a poorly hidden secret that by the time she finally takes off the bow no one actually even notices. 

The betting pool surrounding exactly what it is in Ozpin's cup - coffee being one of the least popular options, and souls being the top choice.

Using Yatsuhasi as a unit of measurement. 

Photoshopping adorable images of Velvet onto various "cute" animal memes.

Everyone wanting to be spanked by Coco Adel. 

"I'd let Fox blow me up too."

"Why is Weiss' hair so long?" "To reflect the length of her father's crimes."

Everyone mimicking Pyrrha's memetic "I'm sorry!" anytime they apologise for anything. Even going as far to do it while apologising to things that don't require apologies - like inanimate objects.

"Are Port and Oobleck, you know... 💅?"

In fact, just that 💅 being used to refer to a large number of people at Beacon. Actual LGBT students picking this up and using it towards grimm when they're attacked to question the sexuality/homophobia of the grimm targeting them over their peers.

Threatening Neptune with water anytime he flirts with a girl who is clearly Not Interested in him.

No one knowing who, exactly, the other two members of team SSSN are - with wild theories abounding about who they may be. Popular choices include Shopkeep, Zwei, and Professor Peach.

This persists even after their tournament fights where they're shown. Scarlet and Sage are perfectly content with this, and participate.

"Arslan's/Pyrrha's back must be aching from constantly carrying her entire team."

And the respective responses of, "Reese/Nora are alright."

Similar jokes about Glynda also carrying the entire faculty/academy on her back.

"Salutations!"

The war between the "Irondaddy" fanbase, and his haters - who refer to him with various derogatory versions of his name. "Metalpenis", "Coppercock", "Chromeshaft", etc.

Anytime someone is doing something ~questionable~ donning a pair of glasses and/or imitating Oz or Oobleck pushing them back up their nose with accompanying menacing body language. (Kubrick Stare optional.)

Mercury having a foot fetish, courtesy of the people who caught him sniffing shoes at the festival.

"Did <character> just die?" "You know, it was really unclear." any time someone takes some insane damage in a fight and isn't seen for some time afterwards.

Everyone trying to locate and get a pic of the ~mysterious~ fourth member of team CMSN, who has only ever been spotted once - her tournament fight in the first round. Beacon's version of "Where's Wally?"

The Sympathy Fund for Emerald and her one-sided crush on Cinder. "She could honestly do so much better."

People offering themselves up as tribute to spar with Pyrrha/Yang/Coco/Sun just so they can be beaten up by the hottest people on campus.

"I drink milk!" being used as a defensive argument in wildly inappropriate contexts.

Naming grimm really boring names and attempting to keep them as pets. 

The innumerous times Port has allowed a "zoo-break" to happen under his watch and everyone having to assist in recovering his prized subjects.

"Where the fuck are all the fourth years?" "Ozpin's soul collection."

Candid shots of Glynda Suffering™️ being shared similarly to the ones of Vomit Boy.

Ranking people based on their Patience Levels - Pyrrha, Ren, Glynda, Emerald, and Fox being frequent top markers based on the bullshit they put up with from their respective teams.

"Saint Pyrrha" being a common nickname for her, and her neverending niceness towards people who absolutely do not not deserve it.

Weiss' "Hey!" being replicated amongst the student body and slowly growing more and more high-pitched in its replication until it eventually just becomes a shrill noise. Even so, everyone still knows what it means - and Weiss is absolutely unamused by all of this.

In fact, a lot of early!Weiss' comments being mercilessly mocked by everyone - "I'm a victim!" being one of them.

Renowned fear permitting amongst the student body regarding Yang's red eyes meaning Serious Business. Morphs into references of "going full Yang" to mean having rage-fuelled temper tantrums.

"Never miss a beat, never miss a beat" becoming a mantra for focusing on a task. This inspires several remixes of Neon saying it, and again with no one knowing who it is making them.

By all means, feel free to add any more that you all think of! I could use a laugh!

Also, check the notes for additions!