#brain: NOW WE TAKE IT AWAY
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DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one
#i've been listening to icarus by bastille#and for some reason my brain fills in 'this is how it feels to take a fall' as 'this is how it feels to take off all your skin'#and like fuck man#and I KNOW that’s technically not a misheard lyric but my post my rules cope#anyway my line now#also probably phrased this poorly but its ok#im allowed to be incomprehensible#as a treat#and then fuckin#from we sink by of monsters and men#the original line was 'please look away dont look at me'#and i kept hearing it as 'please learn a way to look at me'#anyway#shoving this post in the queue but please be aware that i am writing it very late at night#q
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Things I make for myself when insomnia kicks in
Just a chart about what I wanna change up and keep consistent in my art - I mainly wanna draw Raph with a tail because he deserves one, it fits too well. Donnie gets a long tail too because I didn’t realize how dino-like he looks until I gave him one, and now it’s a must for me haha.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#note these are veryyy much for my own art so by all means ignore this completely for your own unless it resonates#these are just my personal headcanons#I’ve been getting more and more fond of the turtles having tails - especially Raph whose design honestly feels more complete with one#I also am now attached to Donnie having a long tail too because 1) he looks cute with one and it really works for him and-#2) I LOVE giving the Brains and Brawn duo more stuff in common#I could write an essay about how many things Brains and Brawns duo has in common in general#but also portal duo as well!!#we already know that Mikey and Leo look a LOT alike#so I think it’s cute when Raph and Donnie have stuff like that in common with each other too#like how canonically Donnie’s sclera are on the yellow side like Raph’s#anyway I’m sorry if this is a random post I am very tired and still have not slept#ALSO yeah i wanted an excuse to doodle April it’s been too long i missed her#I’m excited to finish this comic up to show the OTHER reason I gave Donnie a long tail#I made this in like five minutes because working on my comic was not working out#also Draxum totally has a tail he’s a sheep#I lean away from Mikey and Leo having longer tails mainly because their designs are already so busy#with all the colors and shapes present on them#so to me longer tails kinda takes away a bit#meanwhile Raph and Donnie are more monochrome in comparison so I feel like tails only help them?#I think as well Donnie’s torso/carapace being on the shorter side makes a tail balance him out#(me trying to justify the visual gag im putting into the comic for literally only two panels)#didn’t draw the caseys because I am tiredddd#and they would have just ended up where April is anyway
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MDZS x Hollow Knight Part 3: The Rebugging
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#hollow knight#mdzs au#mdzs hollow knight au#Thecornermushroom's fanart re-awoke the art of my brain where the bugs live. I drew this in a mad frenzy in the middle of the night.#I'll never be the same again. In the most positive way ever I think I have been permanently changed by that art.#I will eventually do the reverse crossover but for now - take some extra bugs!#It is so wild looking back at the past parts - I really do love drawing in this style but I'm far more comfortable with it now!#I am just vibrating with so much art energy. I am loose and in your vicinity. You can't catch me. I have bugs to show people.#This is a bit of a time capsule considering that these are references to where pd-mdzs the comic is at in the story.#More notes: Wen Zhuliu is an ant and Wang Lingjiao is a firefly.#Yes I have yet to explain the juicebox. We are a handful of comics away from that pay off.
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tbh i dont even care about them
#im lying#im literally insane about them#trying to draw them right now btw#i have requests from instagram to do#eehhhhh they are kinda dykes idk what to tell you#knuxadow yuri#on MY page we only do yuri here thank you.......#my brain is full of them all the time#knuxadow#they go to resturaunts and get burger and eat a burger together#shadow teaches knuckles how to skate eerrrererereererrreerrer *die*s*#knuckles the echidna#shadow the hedgehog#they remind me of me and my gf tbh#wtf i literally hate them#HOMOPHOBIA! TAKING OVER ME NOOOOOOO#jk im normal i love them#someone needs to rip me away from them so i can be nromal#//wally rambly rambles
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thank you to the three people that tagged me in the twst author spotlight ^^ irene, siren, and sapphy, thank you. i read what you said about me and i was very touched. i didnt think i would gain so many friends in such a short period of time, and you all deserve to be recognized for your contributions to the twst community!! :D
EVERYONE LOOK AT MY FRIENDS.
@tinyletterz, who has a beautiful soul and amazing writing. i've known her since my baby days on quotev writing for a fandom which shall not be named, and it's so such a pleasure being her friend. she writes twst x reader content and has a gorgeous series about flower languages that i think about a lot. thank you remy for helping me get accustomed to tumblr, you're the og!!
@shkrmpp, who was my first mutual that i'd never met before here. thank you for asking about jellyfish and being such a bubbly presence on my dash. shrimpy writes x reader content and creates adorable art!! their hair dye series with the leech twins is super cute and i find myself thinking about teh floyd part in particular very often ^^
@fukashiin, with the prettiest themes and the gorgeous art style. winou CONSISTENTLY writes absolute bangers that make me so giddy. this one in particular is one of my favorites, and her writing style reminds me of a soft summer breeze. she's such a bubbly person and its so fun talking to her, even if we don't talk often. ^^ she's one of the three people that keeps my deuce content afloat.
one could say many things about the beloved @hisui-dreamer!! from the way she adores her friends to teh way she writes, rinna is always soft and sweet. she radiates comfort and is such a soothing person, i feel so safe around her. she writes x reader content and every single piece is its own masterpiece. she's one of my closest friends on here and i wish nothing but the best for her every day.
@merotwst, who has a bucnh of adorable oc content (on @meromessy !!) and writes x readers!! ellie in on haitus right now takinga well deserved break. <3 but she writing is amazing and i am FLOORED whenever i see her art!!! it's literally so gorgeous and i don't understand how she does it. its crazy. how is so much talent in one person.
@siren-serenity is not only a lovely author of x reader content, but also a lovely friend. ^^ siren also has an oc named melody who is so cool!!!! she was the pastor at my wedding and fought TOOTH AND NAIL for that position LMAO love u renren!!! she really writes azul SUPER WELL and im so happy to have met someone so calm and soothing to talk to.
@officialdaydreamer00, aka nutmeg, is a rascal. an absolutely rascal but they're really the best. they have a yuusona with LORE and a bunch of really creative & cute events!! seriously nutmeg, nobody does it like you. if you want to see our favorite twst boys in strawberry dresses or recieve a pair of cute earrings, irene's blog is the place for you!!!
@the-v-lociraptor has STELLAR art. she was one of my firts mutuals on twst tumblr and i was terrified of talking to people but her vibes were very much "i am nice you dont need to be afraid" and sniffling scared me was like "OKAY I CAN TALK TO YOU" LMAO but yeah. she draws people so,,, full. thats the only word i can use to describe it. they just look s soft and alive and its really so amazing. i love her art so much!!
@siphoklansan is another artist!! i think about the art she drew from loona's heart attack with twst character weekly basically. it has been stuck in my brain since i started following her. sippy, its trully beautiful how you mix your culture and your art together. i remember you talking about it when you were drawing fairy gala stuff and it was just stunning. please keep doing what you're doing!! i hope your hiatus proves restful <3
@ceruleancattail is one of THE most creative writers i have ever met on this platform. every time i check out their account theyre talking about a new au or doing something different. they write x reader stuff and ar ethe biggest cater kisser ever (even if they wont admit it hehe!!) their writing is so refreshing, if that makes sense. their butler au is so goofy whaahwwahwah
@moonlit-midnight has the prettiest writing style :((( hannah is literally so sweet and it shows in everything you can find on this blog. THIS BLOG HAS PLATONIC FICS TOO!!!! DID YOU KNOW THAT?????? and even better, they're inspired by hannah's own friendships :((( literally the most wholesome thing. you can find x reader's here!!!
@iseethatimicy is an x reader writer and fellow azul kisser!!! she writes some really cute stuff for oour favorite silly little cephalopod AND AND AND AND HAS SOME OCS!!! THATA ARE SUPER COOL!!!!! shimiko and icy are both so cool and interesting 9EVEN THOUGH IM VERY SHIMIKO BIASED AAAAA I LOEV SIREN TROPES !!!!!)
@ryker-writes IS SO KIND. he gave me the sweetest set of flowers for his garden event :(( i still think about them and aaaaa i havent forgotten when he fought me over me being cool LMAO so goofy wahhwaawh!! HIS OC JAXON AND RIDDLE ARE LITERALLY SO CUTE :((( he writes x reader content & makes oc content!!!
@totallymem3 draws occasionally and omgggg meme's art is gorgeous. HAVE YOU SEEN HER DRAW AZUL. her art is so soft and its honestly adorable :(( meme is such a nice mutual too!!! like i met her on anon a while ago we've been besties ever since fr. HER ART REMINDS ME OF SPRING GO CHECK IT OUT PLEASE!!!!!
@z3llous is SO TALENTED!!!! another mutual that im liek WOW how do you exist??? he creates the most stunning twst fanart :((( THE OCTAVINELLE BIAS IIS SO REAL AND SO SO OBVIOUS BUT WOW.....WOW IS IT GOOD. zell is also a game developer and if you like cute little kitties and adventure games you should totally try it out here!!!
@cecilebutcher MAKES THE BEST OCS. creator of igor and saver of the universe. im not kidding igor saved the universe IDC WHAT YOU SAY ITS CANON TO ME. cece i sliterally the sweetest and soososososo creative i am eating up every crumb of igor content i get fed. OM NOM NOM. ofc junto is nice too and hes so sweet!!! GAHH you just put so much love and care into yoru ocs its so admirable :((((
@ang33333333l is another azul kisser that i became mutuals with a while ago!!! dolls love for sebek and azul is very sweet to see and her yuusona fauna is adorable too!! she also draws her yuu and characters sometimes!! :D she doesn't have a lot of oc content up on dolls blog yet but im looking forward to seeing more!! >:D
@leonistic deserves the most underrated writer of the year award. soru writes x reader content and is another super sweet mutual of mien (I KNOW IM SAYING THAT A LOT OKAY.) she writes aroace content and its literally feeds me. seriously. their aroace azul content makes me giggle and kick my feet and GAHHHHH !!! plus they have the patient to do matchups which is crazy and i love them for that ^^
@rains-asleep is the nickname master because he calls me straubs and thats such an adorable nickname :(((( HIS WRITING IS SUPER CUTE AND IT GIVE SME SO MUCH SEROTONIN (they write x readers btw!!!!!) they recently hit 500 followers (CONGRATS AGAIN!!!!!) and they also write for haikyuu, mha, genshin impact, and obey me!!!
@shinysparklesapphires is an artists that has a lot of cool ocs!! i believe navi was the first one i was introduced to and he's such an icon ^^ sapphy is also really into precure and produces a lot of content for the fandom!! i have yet to finish the precure series she recommended to me but its good so far and laura is the best so true!!
@datboredpencil has THE most STUNNING art. if you want idia x cater content this is DEFINITELY THE BLOG FOR YOU!!! each piece has so much love poured into it and i swear. YOURE ALWAYS LIEK "its a work in progress" BUT IT STILL LOTS SO LOVELY :((( YOUR USE OF COLOR IS JUST SO MUAH!!! CHEFS KISS!!!!!!! I ADORE IT
@twistwonderlanddevotee makes really pretty backgrounds!!! i actually used the isaac one she made for my private account AND ITS SO CUTE I LOVE IT I WANT TO EAT IT SWALLOW IT WHOLE MUNCH ON IT SHAKE IT AROUND LIEK A DOG TOY ANYWAYS. i am very normal about sofia's backgrounds. PLEASE GO CHECK THEM OUT its literally so unique?? like who else makes backgroudns liek sofia. Nobody.
@queen-shiba has an open inbox everyone!! you're welcome to send in requests!!! ^^ the queen of savanaclaw makes oc content for chuki, a really sweet kid taht deserves all the cookies in teh world :((( ALSO!!! she has an au for the tsavo man-eaters which is super cool!!! :O she passion for lions and tigers really is admirable and its nic eto see her talk about them :3
@beeirdos-buzzing-bogaloo has a gift when it comes to making ocs!! thule remains my favorite of the ones he has talked about because his design is just so neat!!! I LOVE THAT HIS NICKNAME FROM ROOK IS "MONSIEUR STARGAZER" :((( you have so many ocs that i havent even heard about yet...so im super curious to see what else you put out!!!
@dove-da-birb IS SUCH A GENIUS. they're one of my closests friends and their writing is SO BEAUTIFUL. they're also kidn of a little shit though so watch out /aff tehy write x reader content and draw sometimes, although i dont think theyve posted any of them. ^^ dove is SUCH a delight i promise you'll have fun every single time you talk to them. their energy is infectious and im genuinely really glad im the main target for their chaos. i would not have it any otehr way.
@ashipiko has such delicious art!!! the colors are always so vibrant and the way she draws is so unique. truly, a staple of both the twisted wonderland and as3! fandoms!! her energy is always upbeat and cheery, its hard not to smile when youre talking to her!! truly the biggest ace kisser on thsi platform (probably in the world too hehe)
@shyhaya writes for a myriad of fandoms!!!!!! hayami writes an azul thing for me that made me lose my mind IT WAS SO GOOD. PLEASE check out this blog. you wont regret it. requests are open!! ^^ even twst content aside, im sure you'll find something you like sich haya writes for so many fandoms!! talk about multitalented :3
@thehollowwriter has so many gems. quinn writes every character in twst so well, teh writing is so immersive and just ughhhh MUAH!!!!! every piece with azul in it is such a banger and it makes me giggle and kick my feet :3 LITERALLY THERE IS SO MUCH X READER FLUFF AND ITS ALL GOOD ITS A CRIME I DIDNT FIND THIS BLOG SOONER.
@cyath, who has some of the PRETTIEST art i have EVER seen. they draw stuff based on my fics all of the time and i adore it so much. examples of their art can be found here, here, here, and here. do you understand what i mean. do you get it. their art style is SUPERIOR and i ADORE IT!!!!!! they truly have so much talent like damn save some for the rest of us hello!!!!!
@crheativity writes twst x readers!! she's a beginner writer so PLEASE PELASE SHOW HER SOME LOVE!!! right nwo she has some heartslabyul content that i havent gotten around to reading yet but i am SUPER excited to go through them when i get the chance!!! rhea is super fun to talk to hehe <3
and lastly, @jade-s-nymph who organized this whole thing!!! rubia is on hiatus right now but i've seen some of her projects and a few of the things she's written and they're all really good!! there's a lot of x reader content on her writing blog and self indulgent nymphleech content on her personal blog :3
#twst spotlight#whew its finally finished!!!!!#honestly you all are so talented#thakn you so much for talking to me ^^#you all have been the cause of many smiles and tons of laughter ove the few months ive been here#no fandom has left such a positive impression on me in so little time#you guys are people to remember#every single one of you#and its sappy as HELL i know LOOK AWAY IF YOU DONT WANT SAPPY AUBURN#but teh way you all support each other and talk about things and connect is just so effortlessly beautiful#im so happy that ive been accepted into such a lovely group#im in awe of you all every single day#i hope you never lose the courage and motivation to do what you love#writing and art and anything else aside#i hope you can always find your people in every creative space you enter and i hope ever day you remember your worth!!!#its so amazing how our brains work and give us so many ideas and how we can just put those into words on onto a canvas for other people#this took forever so i will go take a break now but seriously you guys are all amazing
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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hey cuties in my phone. i just want you to know i love you very much and life is so fucking hard but so worth living and if it’s dark for you rn just know i am rooting for you and i hope things get easier <3.
#i just want u to know that if u think no one cares i do!!!!!#on a little break but I’ll be back to it soon just need to process everything#tw death#also warning for mention of suic*de if you continue in these tags i just need to vent#i love u all dw im ok<3#it never gets easier when someone i know my age passes away. Especially when they take their life.#i grew up in a bad area a lot of us had bad lives and I’ve lost ppl before. but this one hurts a lot. so much actually.#we were both in the psych ward together as teens and exchanged facebooks to stay friends. she understood me on a level very few ever could#she had a tattoo inspired by a memory of us. we shared something I’ve never found with anyone else. and now she is gone.#i always hoped life would get easier for her. why doesn’t it get easier for such good people? questions my brain can’t comprehend#i hope she’s found the peace she was so cruelly denied here :/#I think i have cried until there are no more tears in my body rn#ramblings
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Ok. TRT business and a question, cause I need feedback from readers at this point.
First: the final chapter of the Raven What If fic should be posted this week, I'm about done editing it. The bigger, much more important question: So I have a potential chapter for tomorrow. I've been worrying and fretting over posting it, not because I think it's bad, but because it's short by TRT standards, currently around 2k words, and it both frustrates me and makes me feel weirdly guilty at the thought of dropping what's so much less than my usual. I'm used to being able to write longer chapters, being able to squeeze everything I want into them, and I have a literal outline of this goddamn chapter that has this good stuff in it and I know what needs to be written. I can see it right there. The movie is playing in my head just fine. But the truth of it is, my writing is slow at the moment thanks to post-covid brain fog. I'm checking in with my doctor, I've started taking specific supplements (which I'm hoping to see results from in the next few weeks), I'm clawing my way back bit by bit, but I continue to write slowly, mostly because I either can't focus or I have to stop every few sentences to struggle with a word I can't remember. It's incredibly frustrating. The thing is though, at least I *am* writing, which gives me hope. But this is where you - the readers - come in. Because right now we have two possible paths for updates going forward for a bit. Option 1: Longer gaps between our usual chapters. If we go this road, it'll take longer but as I chip away, I'll eventually have the full planned chapter, which I'd post. This would be a chapter closer to what we've had most weeks for the past oh god like 2 years. At current speed I'd drop it in a few weeks, and then hopefully the next one would come a little faster, until eventually we're back to our usual. So basically, you'd get your big chunks when the updates do come, and the same natural endpoints and arcs as before. Drawback is obviously the time between updates, so you won't be fed as often (though I'd try to find things in my editing folder to clean up and drop, like the Raven fic).
Option 2: Shorter chapters but more regular updates. If we go this road, we'd be back to weekly updates of our adventures with Matt and Jane. There'd just be less than usual for a bit and then, hopefully as I improve, you'll see the word count begin to climb back up. So in this case, you'd be getting a weekly dose of TRT, the usual fluff and angst and action, but the catch is less overall to read (likely individual scenes rather than multiples), and potentially sudden endpoints/more cliffhangers as I 'end' at what was outlined as a scene change.
Which way I go will mostly depend on ya'll tbh. I think I can make either work, since I've managed to start writing a little again and I really, really am hoping the supplements help. But since this'll potentially alter the update schedule we've had for years, I wanted to see which you'd prefer.
So, Option One - longer gaps but long chapters - or Option Two - shorter chapters weekly. Which would you prefer?
#the red thread#i have been so gd frustrated. like it doesn't help my meds and other illnesses ALREADY cause brain fog#now i have this shit#where i can literally see in my head what needs to happen but words no go for long time#and i've gotten so used to long TRT chapters that i've been fighting the guilt over the idea of shorter chapters#so i figured i'd check in because if ya'll are actually fine with that then i'd feel better about it#alternatively i just keep plucking away and eventually drop the full length chapter#i feel like the feedback for whichever way we go will help me settle and not feel bad about longer gaps/shorter chapters#in the meantime i'm doing what i can. following doctor's orders and taking my supplements#along with writing in little chunks and editing to see if that can help me retrain whatever's been fucked up basically#so. option 1 or option 2?
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squish ramble
this probably isn't gonna make much sense bc I'm kinda sleepy but I just. I love them so fucking much. we just called for like an hour an a half and for those moments everything else disappeared. all the stress, all the worries, it all seems so much lighter just because I know I have them in my life and we can talk about anything. that feeling of complete ease and comfort when we're together, even if it's over a patchy phone signal, there's nothing else in the world that could replace it. the feeling of being seen and heard and understood entirely, the knowledge that we have each other and we're going to be okay. I know we're still young, but I hope we have this for the rest of our lives. I think as long as I have them, everything else will be alright. I love them and I love loving them, it's the best feeling in the world <3
#I wish I could take away all of your worries#but at least we have each other to lean on#it's the way I've been looking forward to the call all day. the way I could talk to you for hours about everything and nothing#the way being in your presence leaves me with this warm glow in my chest that makes everything a little softer#the way you give me courage to keep going and the way you calm my over anxious brain#(these days I imagine the moment I get to see you again constantly. whenever things get rough I imagine seeing your smile again#and being enveloped in your hug. not that I'd ever admit it though)#I think its the small moments of confirmation that get to me the most actually#when you said it was fantastic talking to me#or when you said you missed me too and your voice got soft#or your excitement when we plan our life together next year#those small moments of 'oh <3'#I know you're not *in love* with me back but in those moments I think maybe you love me. sometimes I think that's better <3#like yes I want a qpr and sometimes I want more#but if we have and love each other in whatever way we can I think that's more important#and I know for a fact I'm the luckiest person in the world to have this :)#god I love you#the future scares me sometimes but for now? I'm basking in your glow and that's all I need#I absolutely cannot wait to see you again. final stretch now!!#queerplatonic yearning hours#cosmo rambles#queerplatonic#aroace#aromantic#platonic love#loving hours
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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HAHAHHAHAHA IM SORRYYYYYYYY SHES STRAIGHTTTTTTTTTTTT but also you wont ever guess what i say every time i draw her
her being straight is FUNNY ENOUGH relevant to her story. and i think thats hilarious. token straight and she's gnc, hilarious
AGSHIAOHSGJojakljagh ok so like... ok so like robin info out of my chest BEFORE i get sent to no power hell again: RRRROBINNNN is 25!!!!! i have another finished thing with her here and she is best friends with vincent AKA Owynn's older brother. The reason her relationship with chica is so strained because she and chica both had the same passion. Robin used to LOVE designing and making clothes and dedicated all of her life to it. and then suddenly one day she just stopped enjoying it.
She stopped enjoying every single aspect of it, she got burnt out and bitter and resented that something that she once saw as her lifes purpose now felt so utterly awful and that she couldn't do anything to fix it at all. Chica!!! is still going strong!! And it feels awful to see someone be filled with so much passion just like she was, she's envious and she's bitter that chica gets to enjoy it while she spins a wheel to find out what to do with her life now that she has lost such a big part of it. Chica is still her sister and she loves her but MAN it feels horrible to see her enjoy something she lost. Something that she GOT from Robin. On the other side of the coin Chica is scared shitless to end up like robin, absolutely terrified of being similar and also burning out to hell and losing something so big to her, and that doesn't really help with the whole lack of closeness
Robin has a lot of shit in her noggin, lost her passion in life for seemingly no reason, her dad dying (yeah their dad is dead, hence chica being half siblings with eak haha me when i remarry), and gender but in a weird cis way She hates looking femenine and she hates her curves and her chest and absolutely everything about it so she went "ok so i must be trans. or gay. or something" and then she wasn't! and that fucks her up! because she feels like it's easier to explain how she feels about this stuff if she had a community to fall back into, but she's just a straight woman who feels like no man ever will ever want to get into a serious relationship with because she simply does not "look like one". And does not intend to revert back into looking like one. rip anyways another reason why they are sort of tense around eachother is because all of that made Robin very prone to just have a billion breakdowns and yell at chica sometimes
very low quality drawing but yeah your sibling going through ten million identity hoops and being emotionally unstable leaves a BIT of a lasting impression on you She's a lot happier now, she got to take her chest out, and cut her hair and draw a beard on herself and she likes how she feels! There's still shit on the back of her head going "you'll never get a job as a doctor and you'll never find love if you dont revert back to looking at least a little femenine" BUT SHES BIG TIME IGNORING THAT
uh really strong change of tone but here's some extra stupid fake tweets of her because i think she's silly, also she and vincent have opposite bangs and i think thats so silly ur grown adults what are you doing matching
loops divulged the secret playlist (/JOKE) so ill just put it here why not im a free man
#hope knowing why they are weird makes everything worse forever#dating thoughts are not helped by bff dating btw. you bastard we are meant to stay together#she also used to be friends with daisy (miss maragarita) but they tried dating and robin got so freaked out by the-#-idea of NOT liking girls while being the way she is that she just got super fucking panicked and upset and ran away and-#-how do you NOT take that personally. anyways they are weird now. And daisy wants to explode her with her brain#they work in the same place too LMAO rip. fly low.#shes weird and dumb and stupid but shes thriving (debatable)#uhm nothing else i think#not main tagging this im scared LOL#our au#ask response#<- not really i just need to make shit easier for myself#THANK YOU ECUADOR FOR GIVING ME POWER. LOVE YOU GIRL. DONT LEAVE ME (it will)#Spotify
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Oh em gee :,( ari :,( thank you for yapping at me…………. My brain juices started flowing…….. I knew all I needed was some of your ideas…,,, and the little hamsters in my brain started running around again!!!!!!!!!!! Ik u said don’t feel bad for sending asks but…. I feel a little guilty sending another one….. but the brain hamsters started working and I can’t deprive them of spreading their little hamster ideas 😔😔 BUT ALSO??? I NEED TO TALK ABT HOW U REPLIED TO MY PREV ASK. THEM TALKING WHEN UR SLEEPING??? AND MAYBE?? YOU SECRETLY HEARING??? IM GOING INSANEEEEEEE IM LITERALLY DISINTEGRATING AS WE SPEAK :((( satoru wanting to confess bc he doesn’t want u sad over ur ex……… sugu convincing him they shouldn’t rush u…….. :( sobs… they r so special to me. imagine what would happen if u just sat up in the middle of them talking like “🤨🤨I heard all of that btw.” but like. What do you think they’d do if your ex did try getting back together with you? Either that or just trying to get back into contact ……. Just an idea :3 giggles…. N E WAYS I HOPE UR HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY SLASH NIGHT!!! MWUA MWUA TAKE CARE AND DRINK UR WATER !!!! ^_^ — stsg anon 💐 < with bouquet. For u!!! :3
STSG ANON !!!!!! i’m telling you our brains are synced…… every time ur brain juices flow mine do too……… i’m so happy your little brain hamsters r running around 🐹🐹🐹
okok first of all ….. NEVERRRRR feel guilty for sending me asks 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫 never ever ever!!!! i love them so much!!!!! even if i’m slow at replying sometimes i promise i read them instantly and they always feed me so good!!!!!!! i should literally be paying you for these that’s how much i love them. if i catch u feeling guilty again there Will be consequences so watch out …. (ominous)…..
BUTTTT ok :3 YES . THE STSG IDEAS. i’m so happy you liked my little brainworms phdkdjj i just!!!! think it’s a tasty concept!!!!!! and PLSSS reader just sitting up and calling them out 😭😭 i KNOW they’d scream . even sugu does a little squeak bc he was so convinced you were asleep…… but goddd i think they’d actually be a little flustered <//3 our babies. once they recover satoru would be so smug tho. bc now you finally know!!! he doesn’t have to wait!!!!! and sugu is obv very happy too….
but… gahhh…… STSG ANON ………. if your ex tried getting back with you………….. ohhhh gosh. they’d be very offended . on your behalf . in a ”can you believe the audacity” way ….. but ofc they’d also be very furious and protective . like. maybe you tell them that your ex texted you wanting to meet up and they’re both INSTANTLY on guard…. ideally you’d block them ofc but if you insist on meeting them just for the sake of closure then they’re immediately convincing you to let them go with you!!!!! for scary dog priviliege . i’ll be honest i don’t think there’s much your ex could do 😭😭 bc stsg WILL be glaring at them. behind you. and if they even try to lovebomb you or blame you in any way they’re . Stopping Them . in one way or another. i think they get very very scary LMAO sugu stops smiling entirely and satoru smiles in a distinctly furious way 😭😭 ..
but ohhhh ……. if . you were the one who wanted to get back with them ….. then i think stsg would feel so helpless :’3 bc like . they can’t control you. they don’t want to. but i also think they’d rather die than have to watch you be with someone so undeserving…… so i feel like That’s when they’d confess. bc they’re so desperate . and let’s be honest who would choose a cheating ex over stsg????? no one <33333 problem solved. they’d be really terrified though…..
MWAHHHH one big kiss for you my lovely little stsg anon <33333 i’m putting the bouquet in a big beautiful vase <33333333 here r some handpicked flowers just for you :33 🌷🪻🌻🌷🪻🌻 i hope you’re taking good care of yourself too!!!! eating and drinking and sleeping lots . it’s what me and stsg want for you!!!!!! thank you as always for the food i hope u know how much i adore you <333
#protective stsg my beloveds#they both go full wolf mode i can’t lie#sugu is exploding your ex w his mind and satoru is. no thoughts head empty only scary smile :))))))#and ohhhh their desperate confession scene…… it’s stuck in my mind now stsg anon T_T it’s all your fault…. sniffle…….#it’d just be the most dramatic most tender thing ever……#reader who is so confused n frustrated…. hissing ”why do you care so much????” as they’re on their way to meet their ex :////#and stsg both just shout . ”because we love you!” at the exact same time phdodjdk I NEED THEMMMMM#also stsg anon not to feed our brain hamsters too much but… this train of thought has me thinking of . reader having trust issues…..#bc of their ex…..#and the way that spills into their relationship w stsg too :’3 bc they’re just!!! traumatized.#and stsg would be soooo understanding#sugu especially ….. toru would be a tiny bit offended i think . not at all in an assholey way he’s just sad that you’d think that of them#i think sugu is more likely to understand that it’s a direct consequence of your experiences + smth they shouldn’t take personally#satoru is very emotionally intelligent too obv i just feel like he’d feel hurt in the moment!!! bc trust is such a big deal to him :((((#anyway i’m stopping myself before i get too carried away LMAO#ily stsg anon <333#ask tag ✩#stsg anon !! ✩
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btw rick and morty makes me insane bc no one Gets it people who don't wanna watch it (like me! before my brother made me watch it in exchange of him watching sk8 the infinity w me!) are like ugh problematique bad #edgy dark humor adult cartoon for reddit bros 🙄 but then the reddit bros who watch it & became the main representatives for its audience are like haha pickle rick wooo you need high iq I Relate To Rick Sanchez Deeply and he's like the joker to them and he's a king and an icon of alpha males somehow???? but like. neither of those people understand that rick and morty is actually about Nobody Exists On Purpose. Nobody Belongs Anywhere. Everybody's Gonna Die. Come Watch TV?
#like yea the universe is huge and there's so many versions of everything that everything becomes replaceable and therefore worthless#and you can find joy in that or not. you can find a way to be happy despite it all or not#yes the core is nihilism. but then like. why are we ignoring the opposite approaches to nihilism shown by the titular characters#people will talk too much abt rick and not enough abt morty if u ask me but whatever. let's talk abt rick#why will people forget that what makes our rick the ''rickest rick'' (arguable ????) is not that he's the Toughest Smartest Whatever rick#but that he's the most human rick ? like. the fact that he was attached to his humanity and to the worth he found within it is what#kickstarts the entire show. bc he tries quitting science. and when another rick offers him the portal gun so he can live out that#nihilistic reckless life we see he refuses it bc it sounds Lonely???????? which it IS#so then the other rick takes away what matters to our rick. and that's what makes him the Alpha Male Genius that the reddit bros like#not his toughness his brains his big dick or whatever. it was all about loooove baybayyy and revenge i do love revenge#it was his heart that made him into what we see in the show <3 and what we see in the show is a pathetic weak miserable old bastard#but the reddit bros aren't brave enough to accept it#but whatever. next time we will be talking abt how much he loves morty and how he hates it so much bc it makes him weak#(as evil rick points out when they're looking over rick's memories and he tears up when he sees morty. which kills me btw)#(so much so that when rick can take out everything he considers toxic from inside of him he gets rid of his love for morty too)#and yet he loves his little buddy sooooo much it's what fuels him now. kinda. lol#is he still shitty. does he fall back in his own shit a lot. does he keep treating morty like shit. yea#there's no buts. the statements coexist#yes he will drunk call jessica to cry abt missing morty. yes he will dump morty for two crows#and also he's in love w birdperson. next time too#oh nay
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Chakotay leaning on the fact that he was Maquis to play-flirt with Janeway as they work on reports after hours and Janeway laughs, waving him off with a smirk and at the moment she says something like “I haven’t been charmed by the bad boy routine since I was in 8th grade” she turns to see Tuvok (also with them, has been there the whole time) looking very much charmed by the bad boy routine. (Only she can tell this.)
#Tuvok: -looking at Chakotay with a neutral expression- / Janeway: -bisexual pride flag in the background- ~!?????#play-flirt means he means it but also he's joking#anyway...Chakotay & Neelix could have had Janeway & Tuvok if they respectively let their hair gray and played up their criminal past#Tuvok: I don't want to get involved with people#Hot morally dubious guy who struggles with himself: Hi can you- / Tuvok: Yes.#Teen Tuvok wrote sooo many self insert fanfics where a hot rebel came to take him away from the temple to kiss and say 'society sucks!!'#and after he left the temple and achieved inner peace he rewrote them so that he eventually got the hot rebel to see the light and renounce#his rebel ways bc Tuvok is sooo smart and wise and handsome and correct#He wouldn't feel this way about Chakotay (Tuvok has grown and Chakotay is too stable and kind)#but that doesn't mean there isn't a little twinge of that badboy allure every now and then (Tuvok /hates/ this...Chakotay must NEVER know)#Tuvok: We should technobabble technobabble. / Chakotay: How long will that take? / Tuvok: Approximately one hour.#Chakotay: We can't wait that long. -does some on the fly big brain bullshit- There. -grins- That's how we did it in the Maquis.#Tuvok: -pupils fully dilated- .......Need I remind you that I was /in/ the Maquis Commander? -walks past him-#Chakotay: -calling after him- Then you do it next time~!!!#this post can be about chakotay/tuvok or the whole polycule <3#Janeway#Chakotay#Tuvok#Janeway & Tuvok constantly question each others taste in men but they sync up to say 'Commander Chakotay' before losing it again
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TELL US THE STORY
Ok ok
So
I was saying the worst head empty moment I've had*
*That I can remember
Was this one time during an exam when I wrote my dad's name on my exam because I forgot mine. I didn't even realize, I was like hmmmm name. What names do I know? Automatically wrote my dad's name.
So a couple weeks go by and I still didn't realize that was a mess up because I was just going over the answers in my head like yeah I got that one. Got that one. Ooooof I only did that one partially correct. So if the professor gives half credit for half correct work and then a baseline 5% for an attempt --
All that good stuff right
Exams get graded and I get a 0. I was like WHAT? NO!! I can argue my points back right now! Tf they think I did? Cheat? I can resolve the the paper right now! I'm gonna fight!
And the professor goes "oh is this yours?" That's when I noticed that wasn't even my name and I was like "oh yeah thats mine that's my dad's name"
And this guy goes. This guy deadass asks me "how do I know your dad didn't take your exam"
BROTHER!!!! YOU WERE THERE!!! DID YOU SEE A 50 YEAR OLD MAN???
And I was ready for some knowledge test or retaking the test or getting grilled or whatever. This mf who is the professor who was there!!! He asked me HOW DOES HE KNOW MY DAD DIDNT TAKE THE EXAM????
Its so over. So I was like, bro I can call my dad right now. And also my dad doesn't even know my field of study. But whatever I'll call him. And so I called my dad on video call and the professor goes "yeah I don't recall seeing him there but he could've been sitting in the back" IS THIS GUY FR? bro is CRAZY!!
so I was like damn this guy is a brick. OK then, what if I brought back eye witnesses? People who were sitting next to me? And do you know what he said to that
He said I could've bribed other students to pretend I was there.
And I was like ooooooh shit this guy is an absolute brick and if he's not convinced, he's gonna report me for academic dishonesty.
No ok. See. For some reason at this point, both me and the professor forgot that he had 6 TAs there acting as proctors for all sections of the rook. I didn't notice them so I forgot they existed.
I deadass have no idea why the professor didn't know this. Maybe he was testing me? But bruh! I was taking the test! Why should I notice anything?
So I'm in my TA section and I'm like brooooo the professor is gonna beat my ass I'm gonna fail and then die. And the TA was like if it's academic dishonesty just confess. And I was like noooooo the professor doesn't even believe I was there. I couldn't say the full reason because I think it's hard to believe that a person can be this
Head full of bubbles
And she was like oh is that it? I saw you.
And then I'm sure I said something stupid in response to learning this and then they started checking student IDs for future exams and everything got resolved.
And I started writing my name as the last thing on my exams so I can use my entire brainpower to remember.
The end
#a brain is like an L1 cache. its tiny and i only remeber things for the moment#now why on earth would i remember my name instead of the material im getting tested on#if i have space to remember this useless shit i have space to remember some more architecture. you get me?#the class was computer architecture#ive been the reason for 3 policy changes. this was 1 of them.#no ok tho how has this never been a problem before?? and also if theyre so worried about random people taking students exams#why wasnt this a thing before?? im not stupid YOURE stupid#the more i think about it the more holes i think im finding#or maybe they had a safeguard and i just slipped through it?#no way. no cuz imagine my sister was taking my exam instead of me. shes my age approximately. how would they know?#she was a premed student but imagine if she wasnt? then what. they just let it happen?#and what if i showed up for my brothers exam? we look like twins.#do they have safeguards against twins?#like even if they have id checks now what if they just swap IDs? then what?#its good not to think too deep. but i could go back and take my brothers exams.#my brain hurts from thinking#what if my brother took his exam and i took an exam and i wrote his name and turned it in and he wrote nothing and walked away? then what?#luckily i was a lab TA so i didnt have to deal with any of this but also ????? bro ?
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