#brain on fart mode

[bartruto]

i’m supposed to be able to get this certificate in 6 months and i’m already on my third month what drastic change will i make to accomplish it hm

[precureshowdown]

[clownkiwi]

itd be really funny if i held a homestuck related stream like RIGHT after the homestuck day rather than on it

[deludedwomen]

i literally love so many interests but i hate going out of my way to like talk about it to friends LIKE IDK I FEEL STUPID i cant ever formulate my words in a way i feel adds anything to the conversation i wanna ramble about my interests in the way my friends are able to but i just cant in the same way because i dont have my own opinions im just a regurgitater of info i agree with if that makes sense

its so frustrating sometimes when i WANT to talk about an interest so bad but im just not able to like wjat am i supposed to do other then look at fanart and maybe read acouple fanfics. like wjat else is there for me to do....

[irisintheafterglow]

in a world of boys, he's a gentleman

summary: a creep walks up to the shake stand window. your favorite customer scares him off. (college au!iwaizumi x you)

wc: 1.9k

cw/tags: college!au iwaizumi, creepy dude but he gets scared off don't worry, buff iwa gets nervous around you

note: so there's a protein shake stand like right outside my school's gym and that's where the inspiration for this little brain fart came from. also this is wholeheartedly dedicated to @shotorus my favorite iwa simp. i really hope you like this, it's my first time writing for your man but it most definitely will not be the last :D

likes, replies, and reblogs are appreciated <3

You didn’t anticipate finding a gym crush outside of the student rec center. Yet, there he was, every day at 5:00 passing the stand and every day at 6:30 ordering his usual, strawberries and bananas with chocolate protein powder. It’s a wonder how strictly he stuck to his schedule and you made it a point to have his order queued up in the system by the time he got to the window. To your detriment, it seemed that your infatuation had become obvious enough to your usually-oblivious coworkers. 

“At this point, I think you took this job just to ogle him,” one of your friends points out as she runs a colander of fruit under the faucet. You give her a lighthearted glare and she flicks a few water droplets at you. “I’d guess you like seeing him more than the tips that other guys put in the jar. You really do so much for this company,” she says patronizingly and you roll your eyes. She had a point; you tended not to notice the phone numbers written on dirty napkins or social media handles hastily drawn on dollar bills. None of them interested you. None of them, except for the dude with a body like a Greek hero that made you want to get kidnapped by some mythological being. 

“I just think he has a nice physique; is that such a bad thing?” She shoots you a skeptical look and you turn away sheepishly to check the clock. Thirty seconds to 6:30. “He should be here in a little bit,” you say quietly to yourself, hoping she doesn’t hear. It’s a nice sentiment, but ultimately futile. 

“You’re counting down the seconds? Man, you’re worse than I thought.” She pats your shoulder sympathetically as she passes behind you and you lean your hands on the register counter. 

“As if you’ve never had a gym crush before,” you fire back. 

“You’re supposed to actually be inside the gym to have a gym crush,” she reminds you and you groan. “Why don’t you just switch your shift so you can see him while you workout?”

“I tutor before this, remember? Plus, I need to be able to charm the evening regulars so I can keep paying rent,” you admit. She nods in understanding and a glance at the clock shows ten seconds until 6:30. Your other usuals had come and gone for the day: the guy in the blue tank top that only seemed to work his forearms and biceps, the girl with the silly socks that had the most muscular calves you’d ever seen, the two frat bros with their backwards caps and arrogant voices. It hits 6:30, however, and your favorite regular isn’t behind the glass. He isn’t anywhere around, you realize. You can’t help the frown that draws the corner of your mouth down and, when you look to your coworker for support, she merely shrugs before grabbing a tub of powder from the top shelf. “It’s odd that he isn’t here yet.”

“Only you would think that,” she teases and you refocus on pulling up his usual order on the payment screen. “Maybe he got sick. There’s that frat flu going around right now.”

“Why would he be in a frat, though? And also, he’s definitely the type to wipe the hell out of every machine he uses.”

“If he uses machines; personally, he strikes me as a free weights-only kind of guy.” Before you can reply, a knock on the glass startles you back into customer-service mode. The man in front of you looked relatively normal, but the way his eyes looked you up and down several times made your stomach queasy. It wasn’t the first time creeps had checked you out through the window, but maybe you were feeling a little extra vulnerable waiting around for a regular who didn’t even know your name. Avoiding the man’s intrusive gaze, you shakily pull up his order, swipe his card for payment, and let him know that his shake would be ready soon. 

“I have a question,” he says slowly before you can run and hide in the back. “What time are you out of here?”

“I’m not done for a while,” you state vaguely, praying that he wouldn’t ask about the remaining two and a half hours of your shift. “I work until closing.”

“I can come back and get you when you close.” His voice makes your skin crawl and his eyes feel like knives on your body.

“Excuse me?”

“Let me take you out to dinner. A nice looking person like you shouldn’t be alone at night.” Your heart drops into your stomach and your feet remain rooted to the floor, terrified in place. Was he gonna try to do something after you were off?

“Look, I’m not interested in any–”

“Hey, man. Are you done ordering yet? You’re holding up the line,” intrudes a voice that feels like a warm blanket wrapping around your shoulders. Somewhere between his usual order time and the creep asking you out, your favorite little crush came to stand in line to pay. His shoulders seemed extra broad today and the muscle of his biceps flexed under his compression shirt as he crossed his arms over his chest, staring daggers down at the guy who was freaking you out. He’d never looked so handsome, all sharp jawline and flexed muscles and piercing eyes. The creep recoils and scurries away, allowing you to take a deep breath that helps relieve some of the tension in your forehead. By pure muscle memory and running on adrenaline, your fingers swipe over the tablet and pull up his usual order before he can even say hello. 

“Strawberry and banana with chocolate protein powder, right?”

“Yeah, that…that’s mine,” he says, slightly taken aback by the lingering expression of panic on your face. While he eyes you warily, you swipe his card and hand him his receipt, suddenly desperate to just disappear into the back for the rest of your shift. “Hey, are you okay?”

“What? No, yeah. I’m fine, totally fine,” you lie and give him a weak smile. His eyebrows furrow slightly and you can feel him try to analyze you, but not in the dehumanizing way as your previous customer. His eyes searched your expression worriedly and you caught him biting skin from his lip in concern. “It’s just that the guy before you was being a little weird.” Calling him “weird” was an understatement, but you didn’t want to inconvenience him more than you already have. “I’m fine, really.” He watches you for a moment more and then nods, murmuring a thank you under his breath and finding a spot to wait for his shake. 

“This fell on the floor by the trash can,” he says plainly when he walks up to the pickup window after you call out his drink. The creepy guy hadn’t left the area yet, so your fight or flight instincts were still going haywire. Your gym crush, however, momentarily takes your attention by subtly sliding a dirty piece of paper across the counter to you as he picks up his cup with the other hand. “Thanks; I’ll see you tomorrow.” Before you can blink, he’s gone, leaving you with a cryptic folded message that makes your head spin. You sputter out an awkward farewell and hastily unfold the piece of paper. 

I’ll be studying in the computer lab until the stand closes. If he’s still bothering you, come find me and I’ll walk you to your car or your dorm or wherever. -Iwaizumi Hajime 

A sturdy rectangle of plastic falls from the paper and you stare at it in disbelief. It was an ID card for the university’s after-hours patrol division with his picture, full name, and student number printed on it. Iwaizumi, you echo mentally, you’re too good to be true. And, true to his promise, he’s a respectful distance away and stands with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants at 9:00 when you lock up the shake stand. You’d lost sight of the creep an hour after Iwaizumi picked up his drink, but the paranoia didn’t leave your body and you’re only able to relax when he approaches you. 

“This is yours,” you say, handing him his ID card with a small smile. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

“Of course. I’m sorry you had to deal with him,” he replies regretfully, uncomfortably adjusting his water bottle tucked into the crook of his elbow. “None of the guys at the gym like him. He’s always hitting on girls and giving them weird looks.” 

“Looks like he was forced to look outside the gym, then,” you laugh lightly, feeling the tension release from your shoulders as you walk next to Iwaizumi in the direction of the parking lot. “Did your drink still taste okay? Or did my nervousness make it taste funny?” When he chuckles, it sounds like sunshine. 

“It was just as tasty as it always is, thank you. You’ve really figured out how to make me the perfect drink every time.”

“Anything for my favorite customer,” you say without hesitation and your face feels like it’s been lit on fire. To your surprise, however, it seemed that Iwaizumi was just as flustered by your words. His eyes widen and his pretty mouth gapes a little bit, blinking rapidly to fix the short circuit in his brain. “I just hope he doesn’t come around here again. He makes my stomach churn.”

“Yeah, I get that,” he forces out and he’s silent for a while until your car is in sight. “Hey, sorry if this is super off-base, but do you wanna workout with me sometime? I can change the time I go but, if it means you don’t feel scared by that guy anymore, I’ll gladly rearrange my schedule.” 

“You want me to workout with you?”

“I’d like to meet you for lunch sometime, too, but I figured I’d start with baby steps,” he admits, running a hand nervously through his hair while you fish your keys from your bag. “If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine–”

“No, no, I’d love to,” you reassure him and he looks visibly relieved. “I’ll change up my shift so you can still go around the same time you usually do, and I can just meet you outside. I’ve been needing a new spotter since mine picked up extra shifts in the library.” 

“Great, yeah, awesome,” he says, a little dumbfounded by how eagerly you would give him a chance. If he was being honest, he’d wanted to ask you your name for months since you memorized his order, but he didn’t want to come off as pushy and ruin his chance with you. “Do you, uh, mind if I give you my number? Or I can give you a social media handle too if you’re not comfortable sharing your number.” God, he’s so good. He is so, so good. “Can you let me know you get home safe?”

“I will,” you promise. “Thank you for everything, Iwaizumi.”

“You can call me Hajime, if you want,” he offers softly and the fondness in his voice makes your heart flip. “Iwaizumi is fine too. Anything is fine.” 

“Right,” you smile. “Well, goodnight, Hajime. Get home safe.”

“You too. Talk soon, okay?”

“I can’t wait.”

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[who-can-touch-my-boob]

✨my 5pm Gojo Satoru headcanons:

Gojo Satoru excels at many sports, but surprisingly he’s the best at gymnastics. (He also takes yoga classes).

Gojo Satoru once made a pocket pussy at home following a YouTube tutorial video.

Gojo Satoru wears crocs unironically(and in sports mode). cred to @celestie0 for this one

Gojo Satoru tried to sell his tandem bicycle on Facebook marketplace and instead of offers people just roasted him for owning one.

Gojo Satoru had a funeral for his dead hamster and forced everyone to attend. He even had a speech.

Gojo Satoru dyes his pubes.

Gojo Satoru sometimes like to get a Thai massage with a happy ending, that’s until he met principal Gakuganji there.

Gojo Satoru was tickled so hard by Geto that he accidentally farted really loudly. Which Geto of course told everyone.

Gojo Satoru actually has body hair, but he shaves his chest and stomach.

i think i picked my brain empty with gojo headcanons

<- 3am hcs <- 4pm hcs <- 10am hcs <- 9pm hcs <- 7 am hcs

[fir-fireweed]

today is a great day ( or night for those who have a different timezone ) for ANGST 😈😈 ik this isnt possibke but how would the ros react when they see the mc dead? ( in the relationship stage btw! )

Omg Anon, wwwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyyy??? 😭

Ok, full disclosure, I have a real mental block with angst. I tried to think about these and my brain put up a barbed wire, electric, 50 foot brick wall and was like HARD NOPE! I understand angst and conflict is necessary for stories and character growth, but I really struggle with writing it. I’m all about the fluffy bunnies and puffy rainbow clouds and unicorn farts and everyone singing kumbaya.

So I did what I do when I have difficulty writing angsty scenes… I called my sister, lol. She helped me write or even wrote herself the angsty scenes in Viatica and helped me construct this answer. Love you @orangeflavoryawp 😘

All of them would be devastated, obviously. But Ferret and Heron in particular would not be able to overcome it. Ferret would let the anger consume her and would most likely get herself killed trying to burn the world down, no fucks given. Heron, it would crush his spirit; he’d retreat back into perfect worker mode and be a shell of a man for the rest of his life, not caring however long that would be.

Lion would be overcome with crushing guilt and regret, and take it as a personal failing. He’d eventually recover but he would never love another. Robin out of all of them has the most hope and resilience. They would be overcome with grief too, of course, but they would turn that grief into action; they would use their memory of the MC as a catalyst for creating a better world.

But all of this is null and void because they’re all going to live happily ever after, of course! 😅

And sing kumbaya.

[bellrocsgf]

hellooo! I was wondering if I could request general headcanons with laughing Jack and candy pop?

LJ and Candy Pop Headcanons

Laughing Jack

- Bro is MONSTROUSLY tall. he’s 7’4 and he has to bend down when walking through doors. It ain’t even funny tbh he towers over everyone and must have some brains cells fall out from the ceiling hitting his head

- He mainly chills in the carnival/circus area of the mansion where there are tall rooms ✌️ (i have a lot of headcanons on the Slender mansion itself and Slendermans magic, if u ask me for headcanons on him… i will go on for days)

- VERY DEEP VOICE

- CORPSE LEVEL VOICE. PERIOD.

- He’s in his 400s, one of the oldest creeps however the biggest menace, age does not bring maturity (refer to Candy Pop for further proof, impressively immature)

- LJ doesn’t mind any pronouns tbh, he just doesn’t care however he presents as a male so he mainly gets called as such. It may raise an eyebrow if you referred to LJ as a woman but he either won’t give a s*bleep*t or laugh

- LJ doesn’t feel threatened by threats or people actually trying to hurt him however he has a set few triggers which make him go complete defensive mode and aggressive. Towering over him, he isn’t used to it as he is extremely tall however say he was sitting down and someone was standing over him and talking down to him… suddenly he is extremely alert and ready to strangle that person to death

- But yea unless triggered he isn’t actually that aggressive, more of just cunning and rude. He tends to mock and embarrass people that try purposefully p*bleep*ing them off

- He likes to make sweets for his friends <3 however he has accidentally poisoned them on many occasions 😄 (LJ is the reason Jason no longer eats sweets)

❥ Candy Pop

- Candy Pop is 6’11 however he has the ability to change some physical features at will but he is 6’11

- He’s always off in his own world / daydreaming; his attention is always else where.

- Nathan and Pop are always talking or texting, Nathan is basically his platonic husband at this point ngl

- Candy Pop can do basically everything in the circus industry however his favourite/speciality is acrobatics and magic tricks

- Jason and Candy talk the most sh-t together it’s unbelievable, they’re that work duo that just sh-ts on all of their co workers at any moment they can.

- For being over a thousand years old, most immature being ever. He has year 5 humour and still laughs at fart jokes also Candy Pop will make a s-x joke at any opportunity

- Candy Pop can go from very warm hearted and genuine seeming to condescending and mean fairly quickly, this is because of Night Terrors

- Whenever he breaks his mallet or anything, before he even thinks to just fix it himself, he goes running to Jason lol. Jason gets so annoyed because Candy is definitely doing it on purpose to get him away from work lmao

- Sometimes he just randomly slams his hammer on the ground to get everyone’s attention… just to go back about his day not saying or doing anything, ignoring the massive disturbance he just made

- He’s just in a silly goofy mood <3

[toette-xd]

Intro!! >=<

⚠️DNI IF 18+⚠️

MINOR!!!

kinda long read ＞︿＜

(≧∀≦)ゞ

⋆｡𖦹°‧★ Hiya! And welcome to my page! >< My name is Lulu but u can also call me Haru! <3 I am the biggest code geass nerd on the planet >3<

simple stuffz abt me 0_o:

╰┈➤ He/him/his prns!, lvl 15, Transmasc and bi, dyslexic, ISTP-T, Aquarius, furry :pp

QNA! (no one asked me these..)

What do I post :o??:

╰┈➤ Since Tik Tok is getting banned in the US, I've moved here and some other places! I'll prob post my art and maybe some outfits/pics T_T and silly stuff!

Fashion xp?:

╰┈➤ I try to dress Y2k but am also into, emo, gyaru (rokku, Gyaruo), scence, grunge, 2000s, and more! (i'm having a brain fart..)

whoa ur a furry??:

╰┈➤ yez i am! I realized this not to long ago, am a reawakened (idk if thats the right word (●'◡'●) )

This is them btw! Their name is Hoa (flower in Vietnamese) and their non-binary! (by time i post this ill prob put up a ref sheet w info!)

stuff im into/fave chars!

shows :d:

╰┈➤ Code geass, Zom 100, Arcane, jjk, Solo Leveling, TR, Hells Paradise, Madness Combat, The man on the inside, (IM HAVING ANOTHER BRAIN FART AHHH, I watch shows guys trust T_T)

Fav chars!:

╰┈➤ Lelouch Vi Britannia, Vi, Caitlyn, Megumi, Megamind, Lolbit, Mangle, Yinlin, Linlang, Espio, Shiho, Haruka, Kaito, Princess Mononoke, Sung Jinwoo, etc!

Music ~_~:

╰┈➤ The Cure, Depeche Mode, New Order, The Smiths, Charlie XCX, Geographer, etc!

⋆˚࿔ ty 4 reading my intro, hopefully this is good (○｀ 3′○) Here r my links 2 my other socials!! Have a good day/night!

Insta: toette_xd

DeviantArt: toette8

SpaceHey: toette_xd

(ask 4 my DC plz!)

Blinkies! (From Tumblr, adding more soon!)

[kineticpenguin]

Great, now people are engaging their goddamn Conspiracy Brain Mode because the Navy reviewed their sonar recordings and found sounds consistent with an implosion around about the same time they lost communications with the damn thing

"THEY KNEW!!!! THEY KNEW ALL ALONG! SOMETHING SOMETHING HUNTER BIDENDDN!!!!"

Or maybe they didn't want to say "Hey everyone, we heard what may have been a submersible collapsing, go ahead and call off the search for the billionaires. I mean maybe it was a particularly loud whale fart but it's not worth looking into."

[nando161mando]

Per Axios, President Biden is functional from 10am to 4pm, afterward he enters fatigue mode!

[warringwarrioridiot]

"They was asking for it"

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR?? A BIG FAT BASEBALL BAT TO THE BACK OF THE SKULL AT FULL SPEED MAX ISTG

Mfs like this need to take a long walk off of a short cliff cus if I EVER catch them I'm gonna commit some good old fashion homicide.

If you say things like "You should've enjoyed it" or "at least you got some" I'm tracking your IP and shoving ten cacti in your anal hole and/or vagina.

"game is game 🤪"

You need to shut your ketchup stain, Junkrat main, micro brain, aluminium chain, ankle sprain, CHOCOLATE RAIIIIN, with your runny nose dirty toes lick hobos cOwAbUnGa BrOs, Dude, I want you to look at your entire life. All your life choices. And tell me when you had an original idea in your brain. Your ass got kicked out and disowned and you started aggressively tapping the home button on your IPhone "Oh, help. Why is it not working?". YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS LIKE A NARUTO FILLER EPISODE, MY BOY! YOUR PRANKS ARE AS REPETITIVE AS THE AD "Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper" YOUR BRAIN IS JUST AS REAL AS THE LOVE YOUR PARENTS HAVE FOR YOU! YOUR GRANDMA GAVE BLING BLING BOY A LAP DANCE FOR PAY DAY. Wait hold on! *Punch punch punch* GIVE ME THE MONEY YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST ROBBED YOUR GRANDMA! I JUST HIT A LICK ON YOUR GRANDMA, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?! SHE POOR AS HELL NOW! YOU PUT A BALLOON ON YOUR HEAD AND THOUGHT IT WAS A DURAG! YOU LIKE RONALD MCDONALD FROM OHIO! "HEYA KID! YOU WANT A BIG MAC?!" WHEN YOU WALK DOWNSTAIRS YOUR WHOLE HOUSE STARTS RUMBLING! YOU BRING THE POWER OF EREN YEAGER AND 37 COLOSSAL TITANS DOWN YOUR STAIRCASE! AFTER YOU EAT DINNER YOU EAT THE PLATE AND THEN YOU EAT THE TABLE AS WELL! CHOMP CHOMP! YOU RENT OUT THE GAP BETWEEN YOU TEETH AS A PARKING SPACE FOR ANTS! YOU LOOK EMO ASF "CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES! THIS IS MY LAST RESORT! SUFFOCATION! NO BREATHING!" LOOK AT YOUR NOSE YOU HAVE TWO MARIO PIPES COMING OUT OF YOUR HEAD! YAHOO! LET'S A GO! THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO FINDING NEMO BASED OFF YOUR ASS CALLED "LOCATING CHROMOSOMES! IN THEATRES THIS JULY!" YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A RAT LIVING UNDER YOUR BED IN A PRINGLES CAN! YOU POSTED AN INSTAGRAM STORY ABOUT A JAMAICAN CRICKET GIVING YOU A LAP DANCE IN THE BACK OF TOYS R US! YOU TORTURED AN ANT BY TYING HIM TO YOUR BUTTHOLE AND FARTING ON HIM! I HAVE MORE ROASTS YOU KNOW! YOUR GRANDMA IS A DARK SOULS BOSS CALLED "THE WRINKLE!

EW NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO THERE IS NO WAY! THAT THIS... OLD ASS FART WRINKLE IS TALKING TO ME IN SUCH A DISRESPECTFUL MANNER. YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY KINDA SAD YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE A GRANDPA NOW BUT INSTEAD OF ADVANCING YOUR BIOLOGICAL CHAIN YOU'VE INSTEAD SPENT YOUR DAYS ALONE IN YOUR ROOM READING HITLER MANIFESTOS AND COSPLAYING AS A FUCKIN' NEO NAZI. SO MANY YEARS AND SUCH LITTLE ADVANCEMENT. No seriously! Seriously I find it amusing THAT YOUR PENCIL PENIS DONKEY KONG BARREL BUILT LOOKIN' ASS WOULD ASSUME THAT I EVEN REMOTELY CARE ABOUT A SINGLE ONE. NO NO NO FUCK THAT. A SINGLE SYLLABLE OF THE VERBAL DIARRHEA GARGLE THAT'S COMING OUT OF THE DUSTY SARLAC PIT YOU CONSIDER TO BE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU MY FACE?? YOU WANNA SEE MY FUCKIN' FACE??? BITCH SHOW ME YOUR FUCKIN' HAIRLINE CAUSE I KNOW THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE SPEAKING TO ME RIGHT NOW DRESSED UP AS A GOD DAMN DIABOLICAL BOY SCOUT. NAH LOOK AT THEM TEETH. BOY YOUR TEETH IN CREATIVE MODE. HELL NAH BOY STOP PLAYING YOU TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT. BRO THEY GOT FOSSIL RECORDS FOR EACH ONE OF YOUR FAT ROLLS. NAH STOP PLAYING WITH ME BOY I CAN'T TAKE YO ASS SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU DRESS UP LIKE A GODDAMN MEDIEVAL TERRORIST. BRO IS ABOUT TO SHOOT UP HIS OLD FOLKS HOME WITH A CROSSBOW AND A FUCKING TREBUCHET. YA YEET DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM DOM! SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP. WHAT THE FUCK? A HE AHHH EEEEE SHUT UP BITCH. YOU WANT ME TO TURN ON MY CAMERA? YO DICK BUILT LIKE A INVERTED BANANA. YO FOREHEAD CRACKED UP LIKE THE AFRICAN SAVANNAH. I CAUGHT YOU AND YO SISTER BUTT NAKED LAST NIGHT. SWEET HOME ALABAMA. FUCK YOU THINK THIS IS? WHAT IS YOU WEARING WITH YO GODDAMN HONEY WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT? NAH BOY LOOK AT YO ROOM, YO HOUSE DIRTY AS HELL. YOU GOT FOUR SEWER RATS IN YO BATH TUB RIGHT NOW FLOATING ON TOP OF A PIZZA BOX SINGING. "YO HO THIEVES AND BEGGARS". LIKE SHIT, BOY I CAUGHT YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION WITH YO TOE NAIL LAST NIGHT. WE COULD'VE BEEN SUPER STARS REMEMBER WHEN WE AS JACKING CARS. YOU AND YO TOE NAIL WAS GOING TO BE THE DYNAMIC DUO. BITCH YOU WAS GONNA BE IN AMERICA'S GOT TALENT SWINGING THAT SHIT AROUND LIKE A FUCKING BOOMERANG. SHUT YO STUPID ASS UP. BRUH I CAUGHT YOU JACK SPARROW RUNNING AROUND YOUR HOUSE WHILE YOUR DAD WAS TRYING TO BEAT YOU WITH A TOILET PLUNGER LAST NIGHT. COME HERE BOY! SHUT YO ASS UP. BITCH EVERYTIME YOU TAKE A SHIT THE GAME OF THRONES THEME SONG STARTS PLAMMERING IN YO HOUSE.BUM BUA BUM BUDUM BUM. SHUT YO UGLY ASS UP BRUH.

Are you getting mad?

Are you getting mad?

DAMN You getting mad now! Cuz yo Legal name is Ledenhouser Strogenberg. Nah don't be Smiling now boy You ain't slick Boy! I caught you in the locker room after gym class Frantically wiping yo armpits down With a kleenex While tryna smell good For the girls In the hallway. OI ZOINKS! I GOTTA- I GOTTA HURRY UP. SHUT YO ASS UP YOU LIKE A DIABETIC TOASTER STRUDEL. YOU UGLY AHH AS HELL. YOU GOT THEM BIG ASS HUMPTY DUMPTY PANTS ON BRUH. YOU USE A FRUIT ROLL UP AS A BELT TO HOLD UP YO BUNG DU BUNGLA. Shut yo ugly Ass up You got Mineral deposits In your Belly button. You dumb As hell You thought Google drive Was a brand new Taxi service. Bitch yo Grandma Threw a Rage spell On the kitchen floor And started Smacking you with A weiner schnitzel. Shut yo ass up You a Diabolical Special needs Student. Boy you was In the back of a Short bus Maniacally Planning How you was gonna Take over Your school.HMMMMM YEAHHHHHHHHHH It will be MINE! Shut yo Ass up, Boy I caught you Butt Naked Playing gorilla tag With a mouse in your Kitchen. Yo ass Be sliding around The counters Like a paraplegic Frozone. Gotta Catch 'em ALL! Shut yo ass up With yo "I got a feeling Ooooooooo!" Everytime yo Grandpa Tickles yo Butthole. Shut yo Stupid ass up You thought the One chip challenge Was sticking a Hot cheeto Up your buttcrack. Ok! Here we go Everybody! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Shut yo Dirty ass up Get yo ass on bruh.

It's actually so fucking sad these people still exist in 2024.

Istg misogynists and forced birth extremists and rapists are the most atrociously ugliest love-lacking idiots.

Image ref:

I rest my fucking case, your honor. Kill every single one of these people before I do it myself.

[anthurak]

So recently reading an interesting/disturbing post/article on the Franklin Expedition and rewatching the Helluva Boss shorts have combined to produce this random little brain fart of an idea:

Who do you think wins a fight between the racist, xenophobic murder penguins from Mission: Antarctica, and the fucked-up monster polar bear from that one book/show about ‘What if the Franklin expedition had a fucked-up monster polar bear?’

Personally my money’s on the penguins. If for nothing else than by sheer weight of numbers.

Heck, while we’re at it let’s expand these matchups:

How well do the bunch of unhinged, murderous xenophobes fair against the unhinged, murderous xenophobes who happen to be penguins?

I.M.P. vs Fucked-Up Monster Polar Bear?

And finally; three imps vs. two ships worth of British dudes high off their asses on lead-poisoning.

Well for round one I’d say the Franklineers don’t even last long enough to start their Donner party. Like I imagine the penguins take one look at those Englishmen and are immediately infuriated that anyone else would DARE try to be more racist and xenophobic than them and massacre the lot on sight. Heck, maybe the penguins then try and get the ships free of the ice so they can sail out onto the open sea and make war on the English.

As for I.M.P. vs F.U.M.P.B., while it’s not an easy fight by any estimation I do think our imps come out on top. Maybe they need to call in Loona for some extra muscle/rip-and-tear. Like yeah, that bear is tough, but it also has to contend with armor-piercing sniper rounds from Moxxie, shotgun blasts from Blitzo, AND a Millie likely in full feral-murder-gremlin mode going all stab-happy on it with a knife.

Alternatively, maybe Loona in full-on berserker-mode 1v1’s the thing? This one is entirely due to my bias of wanting to see Loona do cool shit :D

Finally we have our imp trio vs. the two ships of loony, cannibal-happy british dudes, AKA; I.M.P. getting a bulk order with the promise a very nice payday.

The funny thing about this matchup is that I feel like each side has an entirely different perspective as to what’s going on.

For the Frankliners, this is (more of) a horror story as they are gradually being picked off one by one in brutal fashion by a mysterious, unseen killer who appears suddenly to brutally slaughter one or two of them, then just as quickly vanishes without a trace.

Meanwhile, while Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie might LIKE to go all inverse-doomslayer on the hapless would-be colonizers, there is the little problem of it being REALLY FUCKING COLD. So they instead decide to take it easy on this one, using their Asmodean crystal to just pop in and take out one or three guys before popping back to the comfort of Hell for a few hours/days, rinse and repeat.

And the best part is that when our heroes pop in to take out a couple guy only to find that they’ve already been whacked by a third guy who also seem to be trying to eat them for some weird reason, our imps realize these humans will just kill themselves for them! Now they just need to pop in every other day or so, whack one or two dudes, and the rest will do their job for them.

Admittedly, after a few days the remaining humans are looking pretty gross and possibly a bit undead, so Blitzo, Moxxie and even Millie start taking out their targets from a distance. Thankfully at this point they don’t really even need to be killing them directly. Like one of them just saw Moxxie perched on the mast, screamed about demons and angels, then immediately stabbed one of his mates to death and started eating him.

So by the last few days, Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie are just popping in to go ‘OOGA-BOOGA’ a few times and letting the job take care of itself.

[angelfate]

also sum alisa headcanons;

● alisa has a built in advanced "3D printer." hence how her head is able to blow up, but be replaced. she does not have any "mini heads" within her, but rather this 3D printer is able to make up her head on top of her neck

● although alisa can technically sweat (as we can see her cry, so she is capable of producing "water" or "liquids") - alisa still has built in fans. her skin is likely composed of silicon, therefore, sweating may help cool her down - but it doesn't completely aid in cooling down her motherboard. whilst her fans are relatively quiet, if you were to be very close to her, you can hear the gentle whirling. her fans will activate in excessive summer heat, during fights, or... more intimate moments.

● alisa may appear human on the outside, but her insides are VERY robotic. they consist of wires and motherboards. this means it's impossible for alisa to reproduce. she can enjoy intimate moments, but can never have a baby. this might effect her emotionally later on when she starts realizing this.

● you know how current AIs are prone to ""brain farts"" and try to gaslight the user? you might've seen memes where somebody is talking to bing's AI and trying to ask them what year it is, and the AI is CONVINCED the year is 2008 when it's 2024, and they tell the user they're ones "mistaken". or how you may request an AI to make an image and it'll suddenly claim it's not able and it's a text based AI, even though... it HAS created images, and when you try to tell it that, it denies it. yeahhh... alisa also does these accidental "gaslights." sometimes when asked for information, she claims she can't search for information. even though... she has plenty of times. sometimes, it takes several insistings that she can indeed and then she'll remember, oh yeah, she can do that lol.

● alisa's "brain" is NOT in her head, hence why she can blow her head up and nothing bad happens to her. her "brain" is instead in her chest. she also has a port in her back for charging.

● alisa does NOT run on oil of any kind, but solely electricity / battery. alisa can also technically be awake whilst charging, however... it takes her slower to charge, and staying awake is ill advised 'cos it may overheat her. so, usually, she shuts herself down when charging. like an ordinary human, alisa's power can last 14+ hours before entering low battery mode.

● i find it interesting that harada once stated that the original story for alisa was that she apparently "looked nothing like dr. b's daughter." this may make sense due to alisa having a more "normal" design in many of her concept arts (looking more russian and NOT having pink hair but instead blonde or brown). i don't take that in canon, alisa is indeed designed after the real alisa. howeverrr... she does have some differences. the original alisa did not have pink hair and wore more "mundane" clothes, but robot alisa still has alisa's exact face and body. it's only her hair and fashion that has been altered. this was likely ordered by "jin" to make alisa look even "cuter" / "prettier" and even more "approachable".

● i also find it interesting that harada claimed alisa has a "deteriorating" chip that may or may not be replaceable. i might do something with that. we'll see if i decide on writing her.

● alisa highly sympathizes with jin (MY DEPICTION, of course!) even though she was used, she understands EXACTLY what it's like to be "taken over" by something and do bad. jin was overtaken by devil and devil did a lotta bad things... meanwhile, alisa was overtaken by programming, and was forced to fight her best friend... it's a situation that makes her very, very sad and she understands that it must've made jin very sad, too.

● even though i didn't care for blood vengeance, i did adore alisa in it - and was one of the main reasons why i started loving alisa. so, i'm gonna say that alisa is still extremely socially awkward and doesn't know boundaries lol. woes of being a robot!

aaaand... a nsft canon underneath... ❤️

● alisa does NOT care about sex... until she has it the first time. i remembered reading a reddit post about a guy stating that his gf didn't care to have sex, they've been in a relationship for YEARS but she never wanted it. until one day, she decides she'll just try it out just to see what it's like... then she becomes hyperfixated on it, wanting sex every time the dude comes home. yeahhh, something similar like that would happen to alisa lol. rn she NEVER thinks about sex, but uhh... once she's introduced to it! heheh!

[imaginespazzi]

NIVI! Bestie, how you doing? I miss ya! I FINALLY have a bit of spare time to just breathe and what better way to spend it than write a lil (long) review for GH.

The entire flashback killed me a little (a lot). Poor P 🥺

While I was hoping against all hope that we’d find out that Azzi was actually in the crowd somewhere that P wouldn’t spot her, I love that you didn’t end up going that route. Like you said, that would have been too easy and no doubt, if Az was there and P somehow spotted her, they probably would have been back together by the time it took P to get back the locker room lmao.

But wait, not even Tim and Katie went to watch her play her first game there?? Damn, BIG BIG SAD.

Like, the ex-wife reporter gal (I know her name but she doesn’t really exist in my mind you know hahah) got to witness P’s first game in person and Azzi didn’t??? I’m SICK. SICK, NIVI!

Drew asking if he should call Azzi really broke my fucking heart, Nivi. I can’t really blame him for having so much resentment towards Azzi; watching his sister, who he worships, break like that and never be quite the same again would make me resentful as hell too. Like, I too, would be telling Paige towards the Empire State.

Despite all that though, and maybe it’s my complete bias towards Azzi (it most definitely is), I’m still giving Azzi the benefit of the doubt about what all went down.

I think P said in a previous chapter that she knows Azzi had her reasons but wishes Azzi could have just looked past them. And so, I do feel like princess had valid reasons, albeit reasons they probably could have worked through, but still.

And then coming back to present day, omg, LET STEPHIE HAVER HER SODA!

But nah, Stephie turning to P and asking who could ever break P’s heart (broooo, that was just diabolical, like ok Stephie girl, CALL OUT YOUR MUM even though you have no idea it was her lol).

LOVE LOVE LOVE Azzi finally putting her foot down with the whole P constantly giving into Stephie and her whims and demands. I know P wants to be Stephie’s parent but she really gotta start acting a bit more like one ya know. I know that she’s probably scared to overstep boundaries and so it’s always easier to go down the “spoiling” route than the “discipline” route but girl please, just say no every once in a blue moon – it’s standard character building!

I’m just gonna ignore how it ended cause Stephie DOES NOT deserve that. Lil pookie just wanted a soda and instead she gets that?! UGH.

Random side note: they do be having A LOT of pizza in this fic!

What’s next?

I’m so excited for us to eventually get Azzi’s POV on the whole breakup! I think the part that interests me most, and maybe I’ve said it before and you’ve already touched on it before (so excuse my goldfish memory), is that they broke up.

Cause like I get Azzi maybe just not being ready for an engagement or marriage, but to break up? I mean, yes of course I also understand that Azzi not being ready to marry P and them being on different pages in that regard is enough grounds for a breakup but I also struggle to think that P wouldn’t have fought for them to still be together regardless? Like did it really have to be marriage or nothing? It's giving Rory and Logan (love me some Gilmore Girls and yes admittedly, I am team Logan) 😭😩 Idk am I even making sense, I’m just having a brain fart tbh lol.

Man, I’m so curious what Azzi does in that moment after overhearing the Liberty plan – does she just book it out of there and straight to Cancun with Stephie??? And like oof the Stephie/Paige angst we’re about to witness… but like I’m actually hella curious just how Stephie reacts to it – cause like she could just become extra clingy and be begging her Miss Buecks to stay or does she just go full on sour grapes mode and give P the biggest cold shoulder silent treatment ever. OMG is she about to go call Aunty Chérie again?

ALSO, this is all still before the season starts?? Bro that next training session boutta be TENSE. Jana and Tessa just be there side-eyeing lol.

I just need the pookies to make up you know. Like I know deep down Drew wants his pookie back, like come on Drew, GIVE IN!

P.S: Babes, if Dallas ends up with the no 1 pick, we might have to re-evaluate this whole fic! 🤪

Favourite line:

“Stephie, no” Azzi repeats, pinching the bridge of her nose as Drew and Paige exchange nervous glances. 

“Stephie, yes,” the little girl argues, stubbornly crossing her hands over her chest. 

^I just love bratty Stephie 😂

Anyway, thank you for feeding us angst fiends, but if you could please fix this ASAP (when you have time) and get back to some fluffity fluff fluff, that would be much appreciated!

P.P.S: I’m sooooo pumped for Azzi to come back – like Geno trying his hardest to not grin every time he gets asked about when she’s coming back, like OK GRANDPA we get it, you’re desperate to get her back on that court too. I’m watching you though – you are on notice! Those knees better be taken care off 😤 Also, UNC preparing for Azzi even though Grandpa’s already said she’s not playing – I LOLed but like so fair though cause I could actually see him contemplate putting Azzi even for 5 mins if we’re not doing too hot. But that ain’t gonna happen cause tbh UNC ain’t move me much and so I feel like we should win semi-comfortably but those were my famous last words too before the NC State game last year sooo 🫠

I just love college ball being back! I must admit I kinda love watching Notre Dame play (I hate that I do, I’m sorry!!) I’m really liking Liatu King!

Alright, I think that’s long enough omg lol.

Love ya, bestie. Take care always! 💗

-🙋‍♀️

OMG OMG OMG BESTIE I'VE MISSED YOUR REVIEWS SO MUCH I'M SO GLAD YOU HAD TIME TO DO ONE THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY TO SEE <3

I almost, almost did add in a line about Azzi being there but yeah, in the end I think it was also realistic for her not to be because seeing Paige would've been hard. But that doesn't mean she didn't watch the game on TV with shiny proud eyes every time Paige did Paige things on the court.

I love how people are in two camps of calling Azzi an opp or sticking to the well it's Azzi, princess obviously had her reasons lmao.

Yeah I think Paige is just so afraid of overstepping her boundaries and in way she kind of needs Azzi to give her permission to do that but if she wants that role, she's gotta take the curses with cuddles that comes with having children lmao.

LMFAO they do have a lot of Pizza lol. It's just easy to write in I guess for like what a child (and Paige) would definitely eat lol.

GILMORE GIRLS REFERENCE!! But babes for the first time in your life, you've lost me by being team Logan. TEAM JESS4LIFE!

Wouldn't it be funny is she brought up Clemence again?

Jana's about to be hella pissed at them I fear like how dare they...again.

Drew wouldn't be so mad at Azzi if he didn't miss her.

AZZI COMING BACK THIS WEDNESDAY BABES I'M CALLING IT!!! But fr grandpa be smiling so hard every time she's brought up like he's salivating for her comeback just as much as we are.

[lesbiansgoal]

I have a lil gay crush and i need a lil gay advice

I obviously am too gay to think straight about this so naturally my brain is farts and im reading way too much into every single interaction i have with her.

For context, we are colleagues. both of us openly gay. in the past 3 weeks we've grown physically closer -- lots of hugs, brushes, bumps, etc. but this can obvi be just both of us being more touchy feely in general, right.

She does throw random compliments (me too) and we banter around.

We also hung out last week. it was nice. i want to continue hanging out. i melt into a (appropriate level) sub mode very naturally around her. i personally think it's obvious that i'm interested, but i'm also notoriously bad at judging situations. i think im flirting and then i found out it's bare minimum friendliness in other people's eyes is what i mean. also hints completely flying over my head? IT'S BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN.

I asked a friend for advice, he said to be direct and tell her im interested. this is terrifying!! i like what we have rn and i don't want to make it awkward. so i think maybe i need to wait to judge better how good of a chance i have for interest to be reciprocated? HOW DO I FLIRT and make it indirectly obvious im into her? he said that if i wait too long, we'd just establish a more touchy friendship and kind of the potential would be lost? i don't necessarily agree, i think things can progress naturally. but also it's not like i have a lot of experience with that kind of thing. what do yall think? should i talk to her soon, or should i wait? in case its not reciprocated, how do i make it not awkward and keep what we have? ANY INPUT, THANK!!