#bpd + moral ocd culture is

[borderline-culture-is]

bpd + moral ocd culture is wondering if u are being abusive, manipulative or too clingy in every display of affection you do

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[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster b culture is the thought process "I love having ASPD, actually feeling bad sounds like a lot of work" and then immediately being kicked in the ass by the BPD + moral OCD combo

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[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Questioning NPD, and already prof. dx'd autism and OCD culture is (lengthy and vent-ish, but not really with the latter):

📌 Carefully orchestrating this whole ask.

📌 Thinking every day about how much criteria you meet. **It's nearly all of it**, but you're still unsure if the things you've been prev. dx'd with would cancel it out or not.

📌 Stigma and misconceptions making you second-guess yourself.

📌 "-But I don't constantly or overtly seek attention/admiration..." Though I DO desire it, fantasize about seeking it, and get upset or disappointed when I don't receive what I'd like/had expected (when I do so). I'll think about it for a bit and feel a mild (?) sense of entitlement, then scoff "whatever" in my head.

I'm also afraid of people thinking I'm pathetic if I try too hard, so that's why I don't.

📌 ^ Comparing your competence in something afterwards, then being like "🤔🧙‍♂️😏" (silly ass emojis ik) when you notice that you're better or on par with whatever someone/everyone else has presented.

📌 ^ Moral OCD kicks in not long afterwards. I'll be writing a book if I elaborate.

📌 Struggling to find resources on covert presentations of NPD besides "10 signs of a covert narcissist" (it's mostly emotional abuse shit) or "the covert narcissistic mother." 🫠 Like bro please.

📌 Being afraid that by claiming you have "narcissistic traits/tendencies" and potentially learning it's all something different later that you'll seem like a fool (I feel like there's irony in this).

📌 "What if it's just C-PTSD?" (Also questioning) + "What if I suspect what could be C-PTSD is just my OCD and *some trauma.*" The fear of seeming like a fool to people (generally and those you'd seek help from) 2x.

📌 "I'm also aware of how my actions affect others sometimes, and I'm pretty self aware..."

I KNOW it's a misconception/overgeneralization that narcs 'can't have empathy' (also dude how do you think I manage how others potentially perceive me lol). I ALSO KNOW that self-aware narcs exist (like on here, hello...), but man...

A therapist once told me that I seemed too self-aware to be one as the 3 (yes) previous people they had experience with "typically only came in due to other problems like depression or perceiving others having 'the issue,' then were later diagnosed."

Self-doubt plus a lack of resources is a Bitch...

📌 That same one also used Donald Trump as an example of a narc (not that I'd disagree since I've read a bit of that one book about his family that was made by.. I think his Niece? Who's a clinical psych, but lmao...), wasn't aware of certain terms I'd bring up, and would accidentally skip questions (brought a pocket diagnostic manual with me, so I knew).

They were nice, but it made me go "hmm I think I'm more competent." Fear of being 'an arrogant fool' with that one (esp. as they've gone through schooling and I haven't.... *Yet* 😏), but seriously. Makes me teeter between whether I should just go with self diagnosis or seek out a more qualified professional (realized that one didn't specialize in pds besides BPD, so..) whenever I'm more prepared (both bringing up that fear again).

📌 OH AND BEING ASKED "Do you exploit others?..." with a waiting stare. Maybe others have no problem admitting that or other unpleasant things, BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANNA SAY THAT!!! 😭 (I actually don't - at least not harmfully or often? But still).

📌 Obsessing/having intrusive memories and thoughts about people who've rejected you, left you out, did relational bullying, and/or perceived you as somehow 'less than' and were condescending towards you. Fantasizing about either winning their approval (more of a younger me thing) or overpowering them; either directly proving them wrong/that you've actually been better than them/putting them in their place or becoming famous for something unique/grand. ALL for **Years** and it sucks because it's likely that I barely exist in their minds, and I've yet to move on.

I've yet to heal/grow from this internalized shame and whatnot in full (plus there's more I could add into it like familial shit, the compassion/thoughtfulness I've had for those people despite what I've mentioned above - like ik they've had their own issues, etc.) I mean, I have been doing better... I've noticed my own growth, but it's been a painfully slow process.

📌 My mom being like "*you're not like your dad!!*" when I talk to her about narc stuff; further feeding my self-doubt/questioning. Also yeah it's likely that my paternal side has tendencies and that my dad has NPD. Way more than me actually LOL (plus I also likely get the OCD from his side, but y'know... Lots of them are old, they're Latinos, and idk what's up w my cousins since I rarely talk to them).

- Uhhhhh can I please claim 🌀🪄?

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[papercutsunset]

i see a lot when people are talking about the demonization and necessity of advocacy for (for example) personality disorders or more-often stigmatized mental illnesses that things like bpd, npd, schizophrenia-- these are demonized, these need support, and adhd, which is not demonized and not damaging, does not. (that's an oversimplification of the argument, of course, but i have my reasons for not leaving this post and going to find specific versions of the statement to refine it.)

and i get where you're coming from. i do. if an hierarchy of stigmatization exists, adhd would probably be up there with depression and anxiety for "things people kinda get and aren't going to want to hit you with a car for." most of these other disorders, when discussed, are demonized to hell and back-- pop culture icons of the murderous or obsessive crazed or "psychopathic" (nevermind the debate of that term) or what have you. that's when they get the play time for that kind of discussion.

but i need you to understand that saying flat-out that adhd isn't demonized is wrong. saying it isn't damaging is also incorrect. obviously the way that it makes you function isn't inherently damaging to a specific person, but it very often is. and, like, you've got to understand that as much as the average joe can understand adhd on the surface level, the same way they can understand depression or anxiety or even ocd, most people don't give a shit to understand it beyond "distracts easily, does weird shit, won't shut the fuck up" (or, if someone explains it to them, maybe they'll retain "probably needs some understanding on deadlines or to go hyperventilate in the hall"). they don't care about the nuances and lived experiences of it any more than they care about the lived experiences of ANY of the rest of this. the average person is going to interpret the things we do, like interrupting (which most of us are not exactly pleased about doing btw) as, you know, entirely a sign of a moral failing-- and our entire selves as such.

don't give me that. don't tell me that people won't look me in the eye, interpret the smallest thing as a slight when it wasn't BECAUSE of adhd (when they wouldn't do that for someone without it), and clean out my volumetric flask full of orange peels because i was "taking too long" and i "can't keep doing this" and "are you seriously crying in the lab again? you need to be cleaned up by 4:30 or im docking you points."

that's to say nothing of resulting or comorbid anxiety and depression. that's to say nothing of the way that people just don't want to fucking be around you sometimes. that's to say nothing of--

like, i GET it. i get it. this is not the most demonized thing in the world. but there's still a stigma. there's still stereotyping. and, fuck, there's still struggle interpersonally and within the person themself. that's not something you get to deny. it's not fair to. can you stop? can you please stop?

we need to destigmatize a whole slew of conditions. we need to keep people from demonizing them. we need to spread honest, factual, and fair information about them. that's true; that's going to keep being true for a really long fucking time.

but god, you don't get to use adhd as your scapegoat when you do it. that's not fair.

[comorbidpersonalitydisorders]

N/BPD culture is your OCD compulsions being made worse by your PD’s.

N/BPD culture is you constantly contradicting your own morals and having to justify to yourself that you aren’t a bad person cause “well I did it for reasons that are good”

[aspd-culture]

(tw animal cruelty + use of word psychopath). Also long ask ahead I’m sorry I type a lot.

Hi, anon asking after other possibilities other than aspd. We met criteria for: impulsivity, deceitfulness, irritability and aggressiveness (we used to intimidate our little brother on purpose a lot, we were physically aggressive with many of our friends, we threatened people for the sake of it, but when bullied physically, it’s like we couldn’t fight back? That was annoying.), I don’t actually recall any reckless behaviors (depends ig what we consider reckless?), complete irresponsibility and almost no remorse of who it affects. (Depends on who it affects tbh. If it’s my brother or my FP, I try really hard to be responsible but it’s hard and also I typically do not care unless it benefits me to care/be responsible). Remorse is a complicated one. We experience guilt very easily (moral scrupulosity ocd + raised Christian). I’m not saying we do or we don’t experience remorse because emotional object permanence and occasional emotional amnesia means I can’t tell if we have or not.

We do feel guilty still for the way we treated our little brother and try to make up for it by being a better older sibling. He was more accidental collateral of an aggressive older sibling with no outlets and a power streak and a deep sense of near misanthropic hatred.

As for conduct disorder, almost everything on the list for aggressiveness except sexual coercion, stealing while mugging someone, or initiates physical fights. Destruction of property, though milder cases. Shoplifting but not so much anymore due to surveillance paranoia. Did not meet any truancy/run-away bits but I did threaten it a lot growing up. Helicopter parents. Didn’t get the chance to actually do it. Or if we did, don’t remember it. Didn’t break too many laws (granted, we’re not exactly informed on all law either so).

And then when it comes to people, we grew up lonely, ostracized,and bullied but we DID want friends. Like badly. We cared about people’s opinions of us. Abandonment issues. Possessiveness (to a near-violent end.). While we’ve never sexually coerced someone (we’re Big on consent, so much so that we’ll ironically avoid even consensual sex if we don’t think their consent is consent-y enough for us), we do often experience anger and irritation if we make advances and are rejected. Never evolves into coercion and if the reaction is particularly strong, we just avoid the person until we’ve calmed down.

I hate to admit that animal cruelty was one thing we did meet, because it feels like if we meet that criteria, we’re contributing to the idea of “psychopath cat-skinner” thing of aspd. We’ve tried (unsuccessfully) for years to stop that particular thing. Our dad did it when he was angry or would threaten it to get us to do things. I think remorse for how we handle animals is the only thing we can really say we experience remorse for.

Honestly writing this all out makes it look a lot more obvious 💀 I rly thought it was a “haha we’re in a silly goofy mood”. As for aspd testimonials, we find pretty much a good chunk we relate to with the exception of again, emotional bluntedness. Having said that, some of our alters do hold emotional bluntedness or coolness or whatever, but our body has an extremely sensitive response and any emotion we feel gets exacerbated. Never mind, I guess we do experience it 😂💀 it just depends on what and who is fronting. Bpd tends to control the show more often than not with all this stuff running in the background like a computer.

Gotta say, aspd-culture is a whole lot of what you've said in this ask

I think for you to not have ASPD with this many diagnostic criteria, traits, and development criteria met, it would have to be 3 or 4 other disorders all working together to really accurately replicate ASPD. The psych community generally considers it that if you meet this many criteria all at once, and it would take that many other diagnoses that are "well this kind of fits" diagnoses to otherwise explain all of the symptoms, that it is best explained by saying you have the one disorder that explains all the symptoms.

In other words, I don't know that there is any one or even two disorders I could point you to that would explain all of this better than ASPD. If I were in your shoes, I would strongly consider a self dx of ASPD.

I am not a professional, but my opinion is that that set of symptoms and circumstances cannot otherwise be better explained by disorders other than ASPD.

[surviving-guilt]

Checks and Balances

Many are keen on accepting the notion that the abused carry the abusers. This is what we call a revolving door.

They would also argue that the indifference of man is just as evil as evil men are by their actions.

If your friend texts you they’re going to kill someone and 10 minutes later does it, are you evil for not stopping them? Most people would say no.

If you and your friend are in a room with someone else, and they tell you they’re about to shoot the other person and 10 seconds later they do, are you evil for not stopping them? A little more wishy washy, but most people would tell you there was nothing you could do.

What if you were in the car with them, they parked in front of an ex’s house, and told you they were going to run them over the moment they walk out of the house? The ex opens the door, your friend whips around the block to gain speed and momentum, it takes about a minute and a half to make it around the block, you see the ex walk into the street, you see the impact coming and it happens. Are you evil for not grabbing the wheel at any point? For not texting someone or calling the authorities when it was still being premeditated? For not getting out of the car when you had the chance? The courts would decide if you were an accomplice or not, but would you be evil for your inaction? Whether you tried to talk them out of it or not?  -- If you say yes, why aren’t you equally as evil for the first example with the text? Why not for the second. People act as though “evil” and “immoral” are synonymous, they like to pretend all things are circumstantial, but that is truly a conclusion that people make up within their own minds. I will start my point here by saying on the conversation of “good” vs. “evil” there is no gray, it truly is black and white; it is light vs. darkness, or light vs. the lack there of. 

I say this because “morals” are man-made and vary culturally, therefore, in the grand scheme of mammal existence, morals do not exist. I know this because my dog does not know I’m an asshole for calling women bitches, but it does know if someone or something malicious or evil is present. Quick word of advice -- if your dog is usually nice to most humans and literally hates someone that walks in one day and you don’t know why, take the hint. Your dog will know to run away because of an earth quake or tsunami before you will, and it will know evil and toxic people before you realize it. Trust your dog. Anyhow, no one would argue that walking passed someone drowning a child in a pool or lake and not doing or saying anything makes you a fucked up person, but everyone has this confused fucked up conversation about what if that child was Hitler? Would a strict Catholic, against homosexuality and abortion, still believe in the purity of that fetus if it was born gay? Where are these invisible lines we draw in our heads and when is something gray and not black and white? I ask all these conflicting questions as someone who believes very little in circumstantial exclusions and gray areas. For example, many people recognize “high functioning” people on the Autism spectrum and that have asperger’s as having extraordinary talents despite their “disorder” but would look at someone who is schizophrenic as having a simply negative disorder. I do not. I feel all mental disorder, both naturally occuring and developed through physical or mental trauma, is both an affliction and a potentially powerful adaptation and expansion of mental ability and/or capacity. This is not to say that this is true at face value. I am sociopathic, have bipolar disorder including BPD, seasonal depression on top of Bipolar, PTSD, severe ADHD, and go through bouts of anxiety at different points in my life depending on where I am, it’s a living hell, i know. But surviving it and battling it head-on when it’s easier to run away long enough to learn ways to manage it and cultivate the “positive” symptoms along with the bad ones has left me more capable than I was before these disorders overtook my entire life. I am in no way saying that ALL people with mental disorders are better for having them, not at all actually. At their worst, these disorders are so debilitating that they kill who they afflict, or rob them of the ability to lead a successful functional life, or even form basic human relationships, and these examples are what most of society uses as their basis for their impression of mental illness in general. When you hear the term “sociopath” the images that come to mind may be serial killers, child abusers, animal abusers, or generally evil people, but I’m sure your first thought isn’t “Owner of a Fortune 500 company.” As i’m sure when you hear “Autistic child” you don’t immediately imagine tech geniuses that are the best in data analysts, developing algorithms to make for better technology, or catching hackers and predators by sorting metadata for big companies and the government.  I’m also sure you hear schizophrenia and think that someone should be in a jacket or heavily medicated and a danger to society, but have never thought that you may have met a very high fuctioning schizophrenic who goes untreated and you just think of them as nice and quirky. Someone you may know with dissociation may come off as selfish and forgetful and insensitive or overly sensitive, but I’m sure you wouldn’t think that in the time of complete crisis, they may be the sanest, most calm and rational person in the room capable of leading everyone to safety rather than being in complete panic, now would you? Someone with OCD may come off as an anal, controlling, selfish, narcissistic, and sometimes condescending prick, but they’ll know where the exits in the room are, when someone may trip in front of you due to an untied shoe, exactly how much time until the next bus, etc. Someone suffering from severe anxiety that has learned to manage it may actually know better than you when something is worth freaking out about, because they focus so hard on reasoning and not letting irrational fears and feelings overtake, that when they finally do let themselves freak out, just like my dog hating someone, it IS time to listen and freak out. People often mistake ADHD as the inability to concentrate, but often time the issue is that they are focused on TOO MANY things at once and don’t have the energy to fix any one thing because they’re experiencing more of the world at once than you can fathom without drugs. Most people don’t believe that in any given moment, I can be listening to you speak, have music on, have a completely different song playing in my head, while thinking about the past and wondering about the future on two different trains of thought going in different directions, and texting someone all at the same time while still actively listening and responding to whomever I’m speaking to with no issue. My ADHD is an issue when I have to sit in a quiet room and accomplish one task, too little stimulus is my downfall, not too much. My last example is those with emotional disconnection issues, be it from PTSD, sociopathy, autism, anxiety, or a variety of other potential factors. They may find it hard to care, like, and especially love, and may come off as “cold” and incapable of sympathy, empathy, or tenderness beyond simple introductory kindness, but believe me when I tell you that when they DO care, when they DO love, when they do form a bond, no one you ever meet will care more, love harder, and try with everything inside them than they will. Saying “I love you” less DOES make it more valuable when it is said. 

So with all this said, when is the last time you had an argument with yourself? Who won? Did that seem like a stupid question? You see, people think that symptoms of disorders are exclusive to those WITH disorders, but you see people every day who exhibit the same behaviors as people like me. How many times have you caught yourself purposely not stepping on cracks in the sidewalk? Do you think your have OCD for that? Do you get sad and not want to go outside or leave your bed when there’s bad weather? Do you think you suffer from major depression for that? Does a similar sound, smell, or image that reminds you of an old bad memory make you cringe or feel bad? Do you think you have PTSD for that? More than often, the case is no with all these questions, but you exhibit symptoms without having the rest. So if someone with bipolar disorder learns how to manage their bad symptoms, but allows themselves to exhibit the more practical or useful symptoms, such as high energy and drive during a manic phase, are they not using their disorder as a beneficial tool or way to get ahead without suffering fully from the full negative symptoms of the disorder? Is this wrong? Or an unnatural leg up? Is it wrong to exploit a disorder for a benefit? You may think it’s circumstantial, but I simply do not. One can take advantage of manic symptoms to simply gain, such as being able to go to school, go to work, hang out, party, have the confidence to get with someone and do school work all in one day with little sleep, yes. But what if someone was just coming out of their major depressive episode, finals are coming up, work is at it’s busiest, their friends need them for help through a tough time, and they’re having personal issues at home? Is tapping into the manic energy, drive, and full-on go mode to not collapse under the pressure they’re undergoing considered taking advantage? I would think not. Now let’s revisit our more extreme examples from the beginning. Someone has a dissociative personality disorder, or “split personalities”, they are both you and your friend in the example about killing someone. Part of them fears the other part doing something they consider evil such as murder, does the part that doesn’t reach out or do something about it get the same judgement the part that carries out the act does? Is not stopping a death  you can evil? Yes. But what if your reason is because there is so much stigma against the mentally ill that the absolute fear of being attacked, detained, misunderstood, or not listened to is what causes your silence? If you tell someone you get institutionalized and labeled a danger, if you don’t you commit the act and are looked at as evil over ill, and you can’t just walk faster past it because both people are inside you. This is the torment that leads us to kill ourselves out of fear for not stopping ourselves from the pain we can cause because we’re afraid to reach out for help. But now, what if one personality is a sociopath and the other is human as can be, and just anxious? What if that sociopath is smart and instinctual enough to catch on to the fact that someone is evil, maybe about to go runover their girlfriend and kill her? It wants to do the right thing because the other personality cares about morals and it sees evil. The sociopath recognizes evil, and realizes he can’t reach out for help because he’s labeled as mentally ill, therefore not credible and “damaged” so he decided to drown the person who is going to kill his ex. You, a neurotypical person, walk past him drowning the would be murderer, and choose to keep walking. Putting all morals to the side, who was evil?  The stigmas we have towards the mentally ill not only cause them to suffer directly, but it blinds us to the great potential those who have mental illness have and how they can do such greater things in society BECAUSE of their disorder, and we shut them out instead of letting them in out of fear for what they may do, instead of letting them in out of excitement for what they may do. That same person struggling with an inner sociopathic personality may be a huge asset to law enforcement, but won’t be allowed to be because they would fail a psych eval.  The point of this post is that if we were more supportive of those with mental disorders CULTIVATING and managing their symptoms to their benefit, rather than suppressing ALL symptoms with stigmas, shame, and medication, we could be a lot further along on our progress as a society instead of muting the great minds that could better us all. We create the serial killers and “psychopaths” of the world by forcing them to have to run away from themselves based on the potential of the damage they can do rather than the potential of the great they can do with self discipline, self awareness, and joined management with professionals that can give them the tools to use their disorders for good rather than suppress what makes them who they are. For some, we are not defined by our disorders, but in some cases we ARE our disorders, and suppressing that makes us less human than you think we are with them. Abusing us makes us the abusers when we give up on trying to get help, and for many the ones we abuse are ourselves to dangerous and even fatal extents.

The biggest thing I want to stress is not looking at someone with connection issues or sociopathic tendencies as a serial killer or societal reject, because when we learn to put our resentment for not feeling things the same as others aside, we rely on our instinct and we’re much closer to recognizing evil the way your dog does than you are, and our trouble grasping “moral” vs “immoral” doesn’t mean we can’t teach ourselves right and wrong if you let us try to learn more about ourselves other than “YOU’RE BAD.” All of this is food for thought, and me realizing what I wish I did years ago, I’m not as bad as I think I am, and I’m not as bad as I can be, and most importantly, not letting myself be as bad as I can be makes me good. It is okay that the only opinion of me I care about it my own, because it is me that has to learn how to live as me, manage me, and control myself for better or worse. Not accepting help is okay, taking a step back and saying “i need this time to figure me out” is okay, and warning people that you’re afraid of not responding well in certain situations or doing something others would find wrong is okay if you recognize something and say or do something about it.

It is okay to be ill and not suppress yourself if you learn to cultivate the good. I am not handicapped, in fact, I’m one of the most capable people I know. Self improvement is not selfish. I may never love myself, but I can appreciate the good parts in all the bad, and that’s huge. FUCK YOUR STIGMA, BE YOUR OWN BIGGEST FAN AND CRITIC, AND BE WHAT YOU GOTTA BE EVEN IF ITS IMMORAL AS LONG AS ITS GOOD.

Congrats if you read this.  

Thoughts?

[thenonbinarydetective]

You know talking about Dybbuk boxes started to make me think of bad things. I know it's true, but gods mythology, folklore, the supernatural, etc. can really so rooted in horrible and bigoted ideas. Like the invention of dybbuk boxes, rooted and rife with antisemitic ideas that demonize Jewish people

Changelings are an easy one. Everyone knows they're stories of children swapped out by the fairies were literally just describing disabled, neurodivergent, or deformed children. That one person on tiktok who called all fairies autistic in a very ignorant and dehumanizing way.

I think there's even some things about Vampires having OCD like behavior.

How many things with possession or seeing ghosts have a lot of similarities to (if they literally aren't actually just) epilepsy, schizophrenia, DID, BPD, bipolar disorder, or any other condition you could possibly think of?

There's countless other creatures that have SOME connection to neurdivergency, disabilities, mental illness, deformities, or even illnesses that were unknown to them. That they referred to has inhuman, demonic, unearthly, or whatever other dehumanizing/demonizing language that is used to describe them

and I'm not saying this in a weird "let's cancel mythology/folklore/supernatural/paranormal" thing like someone could spin it in to. Believe me it happens. No I would never, I understand stories like these have cultural importance (excluding Dybbuk Boxes) and would never diminish them.

I mean, that when we acknowledge the connection between the things I listed and these nonhuman creatures we should remember that, "These stories were their explanation for behaviors and conditions they didn't understand yet so they did not recognize them as human, but now we know better and there is ableism rooted in these stories" and, "These creatures can exist, perhaps even with the behaviors or appearances that they do have, but we shouldn't apply human conditions to nonhuman entities because that can be dehumanizing and ableist to the human beings it effects and we cannot judge nonhuman creatures morals,ethics, behaviors through a human lens. "

That last part might be directly said towards the person who said the fairies are autistic thing, but I know it can apply to others.

I know I talked a lot about ableism, but that's the one I know the most. I know there's other bigoted things out there.

But yeah, Mythology can be fucked and an interesting way to see how people viewed the world when they didn't have answers. Even when it's kinda,,,messed up I guess.

Although once again, Dybbuk boxes are a load of crap and maybe a modern example of how people still use mythology/folklore/supernatural/paranormal to demonize things that they see as abnormal.

[borderline-culture-is]

quiet bpd + moral ocd culture is seeing comments of people who think ppl with bpd are all abusers and freaking tf out and then calculating every action you do with every person you love scared you might be abusive to them and not know.

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