#boss for like an hr every week and we have to cancel all the time bc shes busy

[opens-up-4-nobody]

No hate at all ( I wish you the best) but it is so funny that your blog is called opens up 4 no one but you have all those ... journal entry things. You open up for everyone all the time (again it's very interesting), but the irony is just so funny.

My username comes from my favorite song when I was in like 8th grade (little house by the fray (one of the most emo cringe songs ever lol)). But yea the irony is not lost on me, it's bc I don't talk to anyone irl 🙃

[kargathbladefist]

long rant below re: covid

(i wouldn’t imagine people would want to reblog this but just in case; please don’t reblog)

i am so fucking tired of being treated like i’m clinically insane for thinking covid is still a problem we should be concerned about. i am so sick of this. i’m not even fucking immunocompromised ejther i just don’t fucking want it again and apparently that’s an unpopular opinion. for context my corporate job sent me to a company conference this week out of state (we’re remote so a lot of people flew in from a lot of places in the US). i’ve been skipping these yearly events ever since the pandemic started obviously because the air travel and conference rooms are a huge risk. however there’s a ridiculous amount of PRESSURE to attend. they won’t say outright that it’s required (that’s probably not legal in most cases) but bosses, managers, coworkers all expect you to be there and will grief and FOMO you in “lighthearted” ways if you don’t with the looming threat that they’ll think you aren’t participating enough and look into firing you. so i fucking went to this one.

strike one was the fact that there wasn’t a single mention of covid or precautions anywhere in the initial documentation and information about the event. in the past year or two they generally haven’t fucking masked as these things so i expect the worst, but i figure since it’s 500+ people this time versus the 50-100 at the smaller departmental meetings, and because new strains are actively spreading, maybe people will think better of it. BOY was i fucking wrong. as you’d expect i show up in my KN95 and there isn’t a fucking mask in sight. i get weird looks. are they assuming i’m antivax and masking for my safety? or that i suffer from debilitating paranoia? i feel partially like i’ve been gaslit into believing the latter when it comes to covid lately with how every one of my peers seems to be living in a completely different fucking reality where they don’t need to mask at a 500 person event where we’re all in a conference room with poor ventilation like sardines and we all just took 2+ hour flights into this city.

the meals are the same, possibly THE least covid sensitive way to serve a meal aside from us all passing a chicken leg around the dinner table; they have 40 or so tables set up again, in a conference room with no effort at ventilation, WHEN ITS 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE AND THIS COULD HAVE BEEN HOSTED OUT THERE IN THE SUN. and they have fucking buffet style meals. come the FUCK on. it’s a joke at this point. HR who organized this must just be on fucking crack man. so not only am i pressured to go to this event but due to my being the only masked person and getting weird looks i unmask more frequently than i would’ve liked, though any “optional “ events (meals) i bail extremely quickly from since i’m not comfortable with it and outright skip lunch on the last day

speaking of which, the morning of day 3 we of course get an email (not a message in the chat channel for this event even though it’s where all the other communication on it, employee questions etc HAS been) saying that someone tested positive and we were all potentially exposed. no general information on WHEN or what panels (since wednesday was split between a few smaller panel discussions) so i have no inkling of what my risk factor is. that’s all they say though, because why cancel thursdays meetings due to a potentially massive covid exposure? after all the government regulations are nonexistent now so why would HR give a fuck anymore, the well being of employees? I email them back asking if they plan to release any more information on where we might’ve been exposed or whether it was last night, morning, tuesday, and essentially get a fuck you back from them saying they’re not releasing anything else.

the worst part of this is that nobody around me fucking cared. if a few people chose to stay in their rooms after that announcement, i didn’t notice, but the volume of people going around unmasked like nothing was wrong the rest of the day was jarring. at this point i figure i must look like the anonymous sick person walking around masked when nobody else is and i just don’t fucking care at this point. nobody talks about it and nobody behaves any differently, distances, anything, except for this ONE girl in dev i was sitting next to who also put on a kn95 and moved to the back of the hall after the sick person texted her saying they’d had close contact the day before.

my rage eventually wears off by the end of the day when the shuttles to the airport arrive, by then my coworkers have gone and had their three days in a row beers and are buzzed chatting each other up and i’m huddled in my fucking seat barely holding back a crying session because everything is sinking in. after being told outright they were exposed my direct coworkers get to the airport, only one out of five of them put a mask on, and proceed to go through the airport and on their flights unmasked. which unrelated but the airport was literally crammed full due to delays and there were people hacking shit up everywhere, i am not over exaggerating since i’ve been in the airport a number of times since the pandemic and it was never this bad. the PLANE itself has like 2-3 people doing that gross hacky cough when you have stuff in your lungs, and the coworkers that were on my flight didn’t mask

like i guess i just don’t fucking get it. i can see how people would be so stuck in their own world that they don’t consider the well being of the disabled people that apparently are invisible to society - but do THEY want covid again? with increasing risk of long term effects? i’ve had it and it’s not just a fucking cold, even with all your shots. is it just a mild nuisance to them? more of a nuisance than something as simple and easy as wearing a mask - even if it’s just one of those shitty cloth ones that doesn’t actually do anything? the whole experience is isolating, it really makes me feel like i’m the insane one living in another reality and they’re all the down to earth normal ones (and yes i heard the term “now that the pandemic is over” while i was there too). they’re not those types of anti mask people since they DID mask during the earlier months but i think we need to broaden our scope with the term anti mask

anyways i call my mom this morning to vent and she gives me the same exact shit - well you have your shots so that’s all you can really do, you don’t need to go ‘panic mode’, i was in the car doing sales with my coworker who had covid two weeks ago and i’m not freaking out (how is that even the same) - just seeking to invalidate my concerns and pretend covid is just a fact of life now. this mindset on a larger scale contributed to the death of millions

tldr work dragged me out to a conference, didn’t lift a finger to do the BARE minimum to protect us from covid and the inevitable happened. also i don’t get to fucking enjoy the weekend with my bf who finally got sat/sun off work because of this. AND their are plenty of people at that conference who extended their stay to vacation with family and, yeah.

[deerblossoms]

it is august and i’m 20 and i think this is the emptiest i’ve felt in years. it’s crazy because objectively my life is SO much better than it once was. i should be ecstatic every day and i don’t think i care really. i got on wellbutrin and was taking that with the lexapro until they ran out and then when i went to refill them they only gave me the wellbutrin. apparently my lexapro prescription was cancelled? i haven’t had the motivation to message my provider and honestly haven’t even had the motivation to take my meds at all. probably has something to do with the emptiness! but i dread it because now that i’m not consistently on wellbutrin, whenever i take one i seem to get suicidal and have a little freakout. could be coincidence but i’m not enjoying it! my life’s had so many ups and downs over the past few months. jo and i broke up, not mutually on their part but it had to be done. i’ve thought about it so many times and i don’t think there’s anything that could’ve been done differently. i think the turning point was december when we hooked up for the first time and after that we were just fated for this. anyway, it would have happened eventually. frankly if it hadn’t, i don’t think i’d know as much about myself as i do now but i hate that jo ended up being my fucking guinea pig for self discovery. besides, what i discovered is that i really am an ass. commitment issues, not very ethical in my non-monogamy, deeply avoidant, anger issues up the wazoo, completely non-communicative, etc. kayla and i are still seeing each other and have at least talked about WHY we’re not going to call it dating. and we’re not going to call it dating! largely because i’m a complete dick who it would be unwise to officially commit to.

i hooked up with my friend recently and then got later propositioned for a threesome by said person with our mutual friend. not exactly the life i expected for myself if i’m being honest! not like i’m mad about it. everyone thinks i’m crazy sexy these days and i would be a liar if i said it wasn’t going slightly to my head. but to be honest i don’t really think that’s a bad thing i’ve felt unsexy and unattractive my whole life! i deserve to feel like the shit.

i’ve been missing margarita lately which just sucks if i’m being honest because they have too much self-respect to actually talk to me. so we can’t even be friends. which is my fault! i screwed it up and there’s no way around that. but i miss them. i’ve started cooking a little more often recently but still only my one pasta recipe. and i realized i hadn’t drawn for like 8 months so now i’m trying to get back into it. i wish so deeply i could make myself do the things i want to do. i want to paint and sketch at home and go to life drawing classes and pottery classes and take photos and make collages and make videos of things and get back into editing and learn about fashion history and clothing and learn how to sew and live a life i’m proud of and instead i’m just the most bored person ever. i practically live at the bar by my job. i’m there more than my seasoned alcoholic friend who introduced me to the place in the first place. and i’ve made some of my best friends through this and i’m not going to act like that’s not the reason i go. i go to see them! but i think i also go to avoid going home because i’m afraid if i go home i’ll do nothing and feel like shit. and so i might as well do nothing in good company and feel like my time was spent well even if it was spent at the same bar every time. i’ll be there tonight without a SHADOW of a doubt.

in positive news it turns out that HR cut my hourly by $3 about 4 months ago and i only found out last month. have been really stressed and mad for a while about it! and when i brought it up to my boss the other day not only did he profusely apologize and tell me he’d get it fixed immediately and include a few weeks minimum of retropay, he also told me he’s going to give me a $1 raise on top of my initial rate. which is SO EXCITING!!!! AND AND AND lainey’s getting married in november in copenhagen and i’m invited!!! duh. the only stressful part is getting my passport and for some reason i’ve been putting it off for like 3 months which means now i am like. super super down to the wire and i’ll definitely have to pay the extra $60 to get it expedited. which is……fine! now that i have my RAISE.

i’ve been missing my parents a little more recently. i can’t say that i know why. i’m not really missing them but i’m missing who i wish they were for me. or wishing they were the best parts of themselves, i guess. i miss drawing with my mom and goofing around and watching tv and eating snacks and going to cafes and i wish that i could go hiking with her now that there’s less tension and i have an appreciation for it. and i miss hanging out with my dad and listening to music together and taking trips and i miss when i was little and we would dance in the kitchen together and it hurts so much that i don’t get that anymore. i barely got it to begin with past like, 9. we would get along so well if they wouldn’t take one look at me and hate me. and it’s not fair because i love my parents and i can’t stand them anyway. and there is a part of me that can never forgive them for the years of abuse they inflicted on me. especially because they’re never going to understand the toll they took on me! everything’s so bittersweet these days and when it’s not it’s usually just bitter. but most of it’s bittersweet. and i guess this is a depressive episode but it just feels so boring. it’s just one big all-consuming hole inside me. sometimes i think i’d be happier in washington and then i remember how i’m actually just bored everywhere. honestly i’ll be happier once i get my license and passport because then i’ll be able to drive upstate to the apple orchards and the waterfalls and the cute little towns and the ren faire and then to canada and see everything beautiful.

[aliceinreverselondon]

Cheater - v2.0 || [Bruno Bangnyfe x reader]

(v1.0 - I had to write it the other way around as well)

“Jesus, Bruno, it was a stupid mistake, there’s no need to go ballistic over it.” The Deputy Director of the Inks sat on the chair across from his boss and folded his arms over his chest. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been on the edge the whole week.”

Bruno drew in a sharp breath and angrily closed his laptop. Tom was his friend, he knew a lot about his private life, so he could just as well tell him the truth. He had to talk to someone otherwise he would go crazy in a matter of days.

“She cheated on me,” he said with a shrug, trying to act cool about it. “She showed me an article on her phone and she received a message from some guy while I was reading it. The preview was all I needed to realize it wasn’t from a simple friend.”

“Did you confront her?” Bruno shook his head in response. “Why the hell not?”

Silence followed his question and Bruno almost felt ashamed of himself. “I hoped she would admit it without me saying a word. I know she knows that I saw the message. But she said absolutely nothing and it’s been three whole days.”

Tom rubbed the bridge of his nose as he let out a groan. “You need to talk to her or you’ll go insane. If you make one more person cry in here, I promise you will be summoned by HR.”

“And what should I say? ‘Hey, I know you’re cheating, why don’t you tell me the truth?’ Thanks, but no.”

“But this would be a great start. Look, this is like a band-aid, just rip it off. Listen to her excuses then throw her out. It’s simple,” Tom said with a shrug.

Bruno shook his head then rested his forehead on top of his laptop. “I don’t want to throw her out. I love her and I really hope we can fix this,” he mumbled before looking up at his friend. “Am I pathetic?”

“You mean right now? At this moment?” Bruno nodded. “Yeah, a little. Just man up and talk to her.”

Before he replied anything, Bruno reached into a drawer and put a black box on the desk. “I bought this for her a few weeks ago.”

“Wow. If this is what I think it is that explains why you don’t want to throw her out,” Tom told him with a sigh. “Talk to her. You need to sort things out before you even bring up marriage. If she wants to stay with you—”

“I’ll ask her.”

“What? No. You’ll have to wait to do that. Damn, why are you so desperate? If she really wants to stay with you, she won’t go anywhere. Just make sure she stays faithful this time before asking her anything.”

Bruno put away the ring and stood up. “You know what? You’re right. I’ll talk to her now.”

“Now? It’s the middle of the day. Don’t you have to work?”

“Fuck, you’re right, I have a meeting I can’t cancel,” he said as he sat back down. “Tonight it is, I guess. By the way, thanks for the pep talk.”

Tom flashed a cheeky smile at him. “I’d better go or my boss will be mad at me. He’s been in a really bad mood lately.”

“Screw you,” Bruno said jokingly as he watched his friend leave the office.

But the smile disappeared the moment the door closed after him. He was afraid to talk to you because he had no idea how it would go down. He really didn’t want you to leave him but if your relationship with that other guy was serious… No, he didn’t want to think about it, he would only get mad again. And Tom was right, he couldn’t lash out at his co-workers every time he was upset.

The hours passed painfully slowly and he could barely focus on work. But eventually the day ended and he told everyone he had to leave on time today so he would deal with whatever their problem was the next morning. Only half an hour later he was staring at his front door, trying to get himself to finally open it. How could he be such a coward? That wasn’t like him.

And what if you started crying? How would he handle it? Maybe it wasn’t the right time to talk to you, he needed a strategy. Whatever that would—

His phone suddenly buzzed in the pocket of his jacket. ‘Don’t be a coward. Talk to her,’ Tom wrote in a short message. How the hell did he know? No wonder they were friends.

Taking a deep breath, he finally entered the apartment and walked to the living room where you sat on the couch and worked on your laptop. You barely looked up at him as you said hi so he had to take the device away from you to get your attention. “We need to talk.”

You watched as he put the now closed laptop on the coffee table and pulled up your knees defensively as he sat down next to you. Bruno wondered if you knew what he wanted to talk about.

“Who’s the guy?”

“What guy?” you asked with raised eyebrows, looking honestly confused.

“The one who messaged you when I was reading that article on your phone.”

You gulped. “A friend,” you said cautiously.

“A friend wouldn’t write… What was it? Oh, yeah, it was ‘I miss you and so does my bed.’ Who the hell writes such nonsense anyway?” he asked angrily. “Just be honest with me and tell me who’s that guy.”

A minute passed in complete silence. Then another passed. And another. He was beginning to think you would never answer, but then you closed your eyes and let out a long sigh. “It only happened once, I promise. You worked on something for a few days and I barely saw you so I went out with the girls. There was this guy who came over to us, we had a few drinks and,” you fell silent and he knew why. “I didn’t give him my number, he just found me on social media and started bombing me with messages. I’m serious, Bruno, I… I already feel shitty, I wouldn’t make this worse by keeping him around.”

“Why does it feel like you’re trying to make this about yourself? About how shitty you feel?” he asked with a growl. “What about me, huh? I love you. I know I sometimes work a lot but you knew about my job, you knew what you signed up for. I make time for you whenever I can because I want to be with you. And this is what I get, damn it!” He could see you were on the verge of crying but he didn’t care. Not this time. “Listen, I need an honest answer: do you love me or not? Because we can’t continue this relationship if you’re not putting your whole heart in it.”

He was worried about what you would say. What if you said you wanted this to be over? What would he do then? But then you shook your head and said, “No, no, Bruno, don’t think I don’t love you anymore. I do. I will always love you. I was just… You were so focused on your job that I had a feeling you weren’t all that interested in me anymore. We just need to fix this. We can fix this.”

“Are you a hundred percent sure?” You nodded and he felt a lot better now. Well, for now. You had a lot to talk about later as well. And suddenly a thought hit him. Something wasn’t right. You had said you went out with your friends. Including… “Libby.”

“What?”

“Libby was there that night, wasn’t she?”

You tilted your head to the side a little. “She was, why?”

He should’ve known that bitch had something to do with it. “She’s been against our relationship since the beginning. Hell, she once tried to set you up with some guys when I was standing right there. She was the one who told you I’m not interested in you anymore, wasn’t she?” Bruno waited for a few seconds, staring at you intensely until you finally bit on your lower lip and nodded. “This doesn’t mean that you’re not at fault here, but at least I understand what happened. Look, if you want to continue this relationship, you have to promise me something.”

“Anything,” you said right away.

“You need to cut ties with her.”

“What? But—But she’s my friend.”

Bruno shook his head. “If she’s willing to do this to us, she’s not a real friend. You’re better off without her. I wouldn’t ask for this if I didn’t think it would be good for us.” But while he expected you to agree, you instead ended up hesitating. Why were you hesitating? “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this, Bruno. I mean, not like this. I’ll talk to her and tell her we can’t meet again, but then what? We have the same friends. Does it mean I can’t spend time with them either?” Funnily, this was the topic that eventually made you cry. “I can’t live my life with… work friends. Ugh, no. I need friends outside of work.”

“I never said you need to stop meeting your other friends. I’m sure they will understand and meet you without Libby. If not… Well, then it says a lot about them,” he said with a reassuring smile as he took your hand. A few seconds passed without you saying anything so he let out a sigh and said, “Do you need a few days to think about it?” You finally looked at him and nodded. “Okay, then I’ll pack a few things and go stay with Tom for a while.”

“There’s no need,” you told him. “I promised to visit my parents anyway, I guess I’ll reschedule it and leave tonight. You gonna be okay here?”

He let out a short laugh. “Don’t worry about me, I only want you to come back to me. Just… promise you won’t tell Libby about this. I don’t want her to convince you to break up with me.”

Wiping your tears with the sleeve of your hoodie, you nodded again. “I promise I won’t do that. I was an idiot for letting her manipulate me. But you’re right, I need to think about this. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. But I don’t want to lose my friends either, you need to understand that.”

“I understand.”

And he really did. Your friends meant a lot to you and whenever he worked a lot, they were there to keep you company. Libby was the only one he had a problem with, but if you decided to cut ties with her as he had asked, everything would be better. You stood up and went to the bedroom to pack a suitcase, but he didn’t bother you. This had to happen to fix things. Yeah, because it could be fixed. He considered himself lucky.

[yoonpobs]

who's the boss | jhs

pairing: jung hoseok x oc

genre: fluff, slight enemies to lovers, boss!hobi, pa!oc

warnings: like one moment of suggestive content, confessing but no real confessions, jimin is your annoying best friend

words: 4, 663

summary: valentine's day with your stupid (hot) boss

“You look miserable.”

Jimin snickers when he walks past your slouched body across your desk, ensuring that you saw the mocking look he gives you when you glare at him.

“Please tell our boss that.” You mutter under your breath, attempting to avoid the mountains of work that sat in front of you.

“You’re his assistant—you out of all people should know that he’s a force to be reckoned with.” Jimin points out, slamming a new pile of folders on your desk.

You gape at him, observing the unforgiving amount of work that now occupies both your desk and time; and Jimin only offers you a half-hearted shrug before patting you on the shoulder.

“Mr Jung wants it by tonight,” Jimin lets you know as he begins to walk off.

The deadline has you snapping your head rapidly to his retreating figure as you quickly stand up to call for him.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” You exasperate, “Jimin—there’s no way I can get this done by tonight let alone this week!”

Jimin doesn’t even turn around when he shrugs, as if to tell you that it was your problem to deal with.

You growl, helplessly staring at the work that scatters your desk before your eyes narrow to the office next to yours, doors shut tight.

Before you can think twice, blinded by pure anger, you storm towards the secluded room; ignoring the stares from your co-workers, and a few sighs that you can tell is coming from Jungkook knowing that you were going to piss your boss off yet again.

You don’t knock, long past that level of formality with your boss as you slam the door open, eyes narrowed intimidatingly at the unsuspecting victim of your rage, who just looks up from his laptop with a raised brow.

“____, are you already done with—”

“Jung Hoseok.” You hiss, interrupting him as you shut the door behind you, rolling up your sleeves as if that would intimidate the man; fully aware that he towered over you, even in heels.

He slowly brings his laptop to a semi-closed position and leans back into his seat, arms carefully folded across his chest in a way that makes him look intimidating yet commanding.

It was a pity that your boss was such a douche because he was truly one of the most beautiful men that you’ve had the pleasure (or displeasure) of meeting in your entire life. Hoseok had the charm of a man that held himself with confidence and assurance, knowing that he was likely the hotshot of every room he walked into.

However, that also meant that he had a justifiable inflated ego that you were on the receiving end off, purely because you were hired as his personal assistant and not some other poor soul.

“That is my name, yes.”

You stomp towards his desk and slam your hands down onto the expensive wood, making sure your eyes are locked onto his stoic expression.

Momentarily, you see his eyes glance down to your chest where a decent amount of cleavage is likely being displayed to your boss, but it goes as quickly as it comes when he returns his gaze onto your blazing one.

“Are you fucking crazy?” You snap.

He blinks at you, hands clutched together as he leans forward on his elbows, face getting impossibly closer to your own that you have half the mind to put some distance between the two of you to preserve the beating of your heart.

“Is that any way to speak to your boss?” He cocks his head to a side, a teasing smirk dawning on his face.

“Cut the shit,” You hiss, “In what goddamn universe did you think it was justifiable for you to give me a month’s worth of work and expect it to be done by tonight?!”

He sighs, leaning back into his chair and man spreads in a way that you usually would hate, but of course, Hoseok made it look undeniably hot, and inviting.

“Didn’t I hire you because of your work ethic?”

You scoff in disbelief, arms folding across your chest.

“This is not about work ethic, and you know it. You have some secret vendetta against me and I see through your shit.” You accuse.

“Do I, Ms ____?” He says in a voice so low that it makes you stutter in your response.

“You tell me, Mr Jung.” You retort.

He observes your expression for a moment, taking in the way that you were breathing heavily and how your cheeks were a little flushed from your rant. Hoseok smirks at you because even though you were a lot to deal with, and had a tongue sharper than anyone he’s known, you were adorable.

Just like a kitten that was waiting to be tamed.

“Very well then,” He claps his hands together and opens his laptop again.

You raise an eyebrow, waiting for his next set of words. You recognise the slight gleam in your eyes and that causes an unsettling feeling to develop in your stomach.

“Work overtime.” He says simply as if it was the most obvious solution.

You gape at him, baffled at his blunt suggestion.

“What? That’s your solution? To work overtime?” You snap.

“I don’t see a better option knocking at our door’s here.” He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.

You grit your jaw and feel your eye twitch at his indifference, and you think about risking getting reported to HR, or even getting fired just so you could reach over and strangle the hell out of your insufferable boss.

“Give me an extension.” You all but demand.

“No.”

You’re about to leave with your dues until he answers you, and you snap your head to look at him incredulously.

“What do you mean no?” You hiss.

“It’s exactly what it means, Ms ____. I want the documents sorted through and filed by tonight. Even I’m working overtime and I’m the boss.” He smirks, eyes still not straying away from his laptop.

“Hoseok you don’t understand. I can’t.” His name slips out involuntarily, and you almost miss the way a smile teases his lips when you opt for his actual name than the nicknames you’ve resorted to.

“Oh? Did you have plans tonight?” He pries, eyes twinkling with mischief.

He knew. He knew what today was and gave you a shit ton of work.

You clench your jaw and give him a curt nod.

“Yes. I do.”

He hums under his breath, glancing down to type something onto his laptop before shutting it completely.

“Well—cancel them. You have plans with me now.” He says.

You choke on your spit at his calm declaration as you splutter to find a response.

“I can’t just cancel a date—!”

You snap your mouth shut when his eyebrows shoot to his hairline in a mischievous manner as if seeing you flustered was his favourite sight to behold.

“As your boss, I think I call the shots here, don’t I?” He pushes himself off his chair to walk towards you, height and presence imposing on your retreating figure.

“You’re such a fucking asshole.” You spit when he engulfs your space with his presence.

The navy grey suit he chose to wear today flattered his physique wonderfully, showcasing his lean and long limbs as well as his built. It didn’t help that he styled his hair with it parted by the side, his forehead on full display—as if to mark his territory as the most intimidating (and handsome) person at the office.

“Call me what you wish,” He shrugs, a smirk on his face, “We’ll have a lot of fun tonight, won’t we?”

You’d be lying if you didn’t have butterflies in your stomach.

.

“Mina—tell the blind date you set me up on that I can’t make it tonight,” You sigh, phone between your shoulder and your ear as you type away at your computer.

You hear Mina whine on the other end about how she thought the guy she set you up with was a perfect match for you. Truthfully, you didn’t even want to go on the date in the first place; but Mina said that you needed to get over the hots you felt for your boss even if he was the most infuriating person in every room he’s in.

“You’re not lying to get out of this, right? Do you really need to work overtime?” She whines.

You sigh.

“Do you remember who I work for? Of course I need to work overtime.” You mutter.

“How am I going to tell Jae?” She complains, and you briefly hear a thud on her end; probably signalling the fact that she flopped onto a surface in despair.

You snort and narrow your eyes to get a better view of the details on your spreadsheet, ensuring all facts and figures were aligned before saving it and proceeding to the next set of work you needed to finish.

“You’ll find a way,” You tell her, “I need to go. I have ten more documents to sort through and they’re all due tonight.”

Mina blows a virtual kiss for you and bids you goodbye, saying to kick your boss in the ass for her.

The moment you hang up, you see Jimin and Jungkook walk pass your desk with their bags over their shoulders, stopping by you to offer a sympathetic smile.

“Have fun working overtime ____,” Jungkook says, and it’s sincere enough to make you give him a half-hearted smile.

“Work on sucking your boss’ dick too.” Jimin snickers, mimicking the action inside of his cheek as you glare at him, chuckling a piece of crumpled paper in his direction.

“Jungkook—tell Taehyung I said hi,” You smile sweetly at him, then narrowing your eyes into slits at Jimin, “Jimin, I hope you puke out all the chocolates you’re going to binge on tonight.”

He gasps, hands resting on his chest in mock offence as he waves you goodbye, heading out as you return the gesture with your longest finger.

There the last bit of your co-workers that left the office, and now it was just you—and Hoseok—but he was cooped up in his office, for whatever reason it may be.

You sigh, cracking your knuckles forward as you attempt to race through all the documents that needed to be sorted through as fast as you can so you could go home and binge-watch all the romantic comedies in your watchlist.

The quote time flies sits prettily on the tip of your tongue when you glance at the clock on your table to tell you that it was half an hour till midnight, meaning that you slaved away to work for an additional 6 hours.

You huff, at least thankful that you were finally done.

Even with Hoseok’s words saying that he’d work overtime as well, you were sure he was just in his office relaxing while you did his hefty work. The thought makes you frown as you clean up your workspace, ensuring that it’s in a pristine condition before you head back.

“_____?”

Hoseok’s voice peeks out from his office and you stop your ministrations to turn your head to look at him, a few stray strands of hair falling by the side of your face as you do so.

Hoseok can’t help but appreciate how relaxed you look, a juxtaposition from the usual prim and proper persona you took on during work. Your hair was tied in a messy bun, and a few buttons of your blouse were undone to give yourself some room to breathe.

“Yes?” You raise an eyebrow, beginning to get irritated with the way his eyes unabashedly observe you.

You have the words on your tongue already, preparing to cuss him out with your mouth and your fist if he gave you any more work to do.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asks.

You raise an eyebrow, watching his figure lean against the frame of the door.

“No, I haven’t. I was too busy finishing up the documents for you, remember?” You bite, can’t be helping the snark that your tongue releases.

A small twinge of a grin appears on his face as he cocks his head to his office, gesturing you to enter.

“I have some food. Do, join me.” He asks.

You blink at him, hands still clutching the last bit of your belongings as you mull over his proposition. While you and Hoseok worked close and hand in hand in business operations, you managed to have professional boundaries with him (which didn’t include the fact you cussed him out every five minutes). So, for him, the poster image of uptight and professionalism; with the occasional blunder, to invite you for a small meal outside of business?

You try to ignore the way your heart beats a little faster.

“Ah … it’s fine—I’ll probably heat some leftovers up—” You shake your head to deny.

But as you were caught up in a daze, Hoseok had seemed to have made his way to your desk, body positioned in a way that locks you in so that you had no other way to escape.

“Nonsense.” He tuts, grinning at you with his award-winning smile and you find it very hard to find him distasteful when he has the ability to reduce you to mush.

You notice that he mirrors your appearance in the sense that he looks far more casual than he usually does during work hours. He’s abandoned his blazer, and all he’s left in is his dress-shirt that does absolutely nothing in hiding his figure and slacks that just accentuates his waist even more. The fact that he also has his sleeves rolled up makes you more flustered than you’d like.

“It’s late—” You try to make an excuse, but he’s tugging you by your wrist to follow him and you have no objection on your tongue when you’re in his office.

Somehow, you've been in the room a million times, the second person that spends the most time in here besides Hoseok himself, yet tonight feels different.

The context of sharing a small meal with him seems almost illegal as if you were committing a crime.

“When did you even order this?” You mutter, when you realise his desk was already cleaned of all work-related stuff and only left with the brown packaged bags of food.

“Of course you didn’t notice,” He teases, gesturing for you to take a seat on the chair next to him.

You roll your eyes, bowing your head slightly to thank him when he passes you a sandwich, and you’re pleasantly surprised to know that it was your favourite order from a place you frequented during your lunch breaks.

“How did you—?”

“I’m not that much of an asshole to not know your likes and dislikes ____.” He jokes.

You purse your lips, flustered because while you and Hoseok bantered back and forth, and you were definitely tougher on your own boss than you were to your colleagues, you knew deep down it was an act of self-preservation to convince your own heart that keeping him away was safer for you.

“I didn't mean it like that …” You mumble, munching on your food.

Your eyes are too focused on the sandwich that you miss the fond expression Hoseok gives you, opting to just observe small bites that you were taking.

Eventually, you do notice that Hoseok isn’t eating but paying full attention to you, chin resting on his palm as he blatantly stares at you. When your eyes look up to meet his own, you flush and look away immediately, ears burning red under the dim light as you attempt to cover it up with a cough.

“Why aren’t you eating?”

He shrugs.

“I had my dinner hours ago. This is for you.” He gestures to the food, “You know I despise these things. They’re so pretentious.”

You gape at him with an open mouth.

“Then why are you still—” It seems like Hoseok is dead-set on not allowing you to finish most of your sentences tonight when he responds before you can finish.

“I was waiting for you.” The confession knocks the wind out of your chest as you look at him with wide eyes, heart beating faster when he nonchalantly admits that he was cooped up in his office—waiting for you?

“You didn’t have to do that Hoseok …” You mumble, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear bashfully—a habit you only do when you’re embarrassed.

He snorts.

“A thank you would be nice, sweets.” He leans forward, face inches closer to yours as you yelp and leans back into your chair.

The term of endearment doesn’t fall deaf on your ears as you blush even harder. You want to curse at yourself because you’re much stronger than this, you’ve trained for years to not let your feelings show in front of Hoseok because well … he was the CEO and you were his personal assistant.

While there was no strict ban on dating your boss, you had ethics and principles of your own that somehow convinced you that it would’ve been messy. And messy it would be because you worked with him on every single project, communicated information to him and basically was his confidant—purely transactional—so you wouldn’t risk your career just to be with him.

Especially when you didn’t know if he felt the same way.

Even when he looks at you like that.

“I’m waiting …” He sing-songs, grinning at you.

You roll your eyes, looking away when you mumble:

“Thank you.”

He seems satisfied as he leans back into his chair, gesturing you to finish your meal.

The sandwich was delicious, as always, but once you took the last bite you were starting to wonder if Hoseok had really just waited hours, and now to just have you eat in front of him.

“Thank you for the meal, Hoseok.” You say politely.

He eyes you for a second, until his eyes glance to the side of your head—then back at you.

“It’s five minutes before midnight.” He points out.

You raise an eyebrow at him.

“… okay?”

“So … aren’t you going to wish me?” He pries.

The cue falls over your head, until you see and feel Hoseok, cage you in your chair.

You let out an eep at the sudden proximity, flushed at the way Hoseok grins at you all suave-like.

“Wish you?” You squeak, “W-What do you mean?”

He sighs, resting his palms on the side of your chair, looking at you with a fond expression that you were sure your eyes were deceiving you with.

“I dunno. Isn’t today a special day?” He teases, and he revels in the fact that you’re turning into a tomato under his scrutiny.

“I-Is it? I didn’t—I didn’t know that …” You gulp.

Hoseok takes the leap of faith and reaches out to pat your head, as you freeze under the touch.

“There were flyaways.” He smirks.

You feel like dying because of how close he is to you, and you know that he won’t let you go unless you say the words he’s tried to pull out from you. So, you swallow your pride, and honestly, gather all the courage you have in you to wish him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Hoseok.” You mumble, eyes avoiding his.

He doesn’t do anything for a split second, and you feel like a fool. You’re about to push him away until he moves—shuffling between his drawers to pull out—

“Flowers?” You cock your head to the side when he hands them over to you.

They were a beautiful arrangement, meticulously curated with the hands of someone that wanted perfection. It was very like Hoseok, but also included all of your favourite flowers and colours that you can’t help but imagine how cohesive the two of you would be.

You try to shake out of your delusions because you’re still processing the fact that Hoseok had handed you a bouquet of the most beautiful flowers you’ve ever seen and received.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, _____.” He smiles, and it lacks the usual mirth that he carries when he’s out to poke at you. This time, his smile is kind, warm—and longing.

“W-What is this for …?” You admire the arrangement, and it feels heavy in your palms. A testament to the effort put in, as well as how expensive it must’ve been.

“For being a great personal assistant,” He says.

It’s like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on you when he says those words. You blink up at him, then you scowl—shoving him away from you as you abandon the flowers on the table. Your heart was so hopeful as if you had managed to understand what was going on in Hoseok’s heart—but he reminded you of who you were and the world between the two of you shattered.

“Hey—hey. Where are you going?” Hoseok seems panicked but you don’t pick up on much as you hastily try to leave.

“Home, Hoseok.” You say curtly.

He’s faster than you when he grabs your elbow to spin you around to face him.

“Do you not like it?” He furrows his eyebrows.

You glare at him, and all the irritation in you returns when he genuinely looks clueless.

“No, Hoseok. I fucking love it.” You try to pull away, but he’s stronger than you.

“Then what’s the problem?” He huffs.

You narrow your eyes at him and even though he both makes you want to rip your hair out and makes your heart feel funny—he genuinely looks confused.

“You!” You yell, shoving at his chest as he just looks at you quizzically.

“You’re my problem Jung Hoseok,” You point a firm finger into his chest, “You’re always making me do your work for you and teasing me until I want to rip your hair out—then you do this … whatever this is, with the flowers and the stares you’re giving me and you—and you expect me to be okay?”

He blinks at you.

“You’re so confusing Hoseok! Like God—first, you look at me with those eyes of yours and expect my heart not to flutter? Is that it? Do you just like embarrassing me like this? You stupid son of a motherfucking bitch—!”

He really needed to shut you up, and granted, it wasn’t the best way to do it. But there was something oddly endearing about the way you were yelling his ear off that he needed to just close the distance.

Hoseok grabs you by the waist with a firm hand on your cheek when he leans down to kiss you.

The kiss is explosive, both in pent up frustrations and longing all at once and you’re both confused and relieved when you feel the plush of his lips against your own. You forget what you were saying when he holds you like this—close.

Hoseok looked like a magnificent kisser—you theorised—and your hypothesis was proven with the way he’s gentle yet assertive with the way his body moulds against your own.

You whine when he pulls away, your hands clutching at the front of his dress shirt. Only when you see his flushed cheeks, and swollen lips do you remember what was happening.

“_____—”

You punch him in the stomach.

Hard.

He grunts, doubling over as you glare at him.

“Are you insane?” You shriek.

He wheezes, clutching at his abdomen.

“You could’ve just told me you didn’t like me!” He snaps, shooting you a venomous glare.

Your mouth falls open as you give him one of your own venomous stares.

“Are you stupid?” You throw your hands into the air, “Why the fuck did you do that?”

“I was trying to be romantic!” He grits out.

You huff, and you soften for a moment to see him still holding onto his stomach.

You quietly reach out to him, holding him by the elbow like you did something wrong (punching him in the stomach) and look up at him with apologetic eyes.

“Does it really hurt?” You meekly ask.

"No. I'm on the floor because it's comfortable," He deadpans.

You pout as you flush a pretty shade of red.

He’s about to retort when he sees how guilty you look, then he sighs; reaching an arm around your shoulder to bring you into an embrace against his chest.

“It’d hurt a lot more if you were rejecting me.”

You scoff, leaning your cheek against his chest when you feel the movement of his chest with his deep breaths.

“Why couldn’t you ask me out like a normal person?” You complain.

He rolls his eyes.

“You’re not a conventional person to ask out.”

You narrow your eyes at him, and he wants to kiss you again because you’re the cutest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.

So he does.

This time, you’re not as shocked, but it’s still as pleasant as when he first kissed you. You lean into his embrace, taking the initiative to run your hands across his shoulders and into his hair.

“We could’ve been doing this way longer if you weren’t such an annoying brat.” He mumbles against your lips.

The moment is broken when he returns to his normal self, but your heart still remains.

“Me? Annoying? You know what’s annoying—the fact that I spent six hours on Valentine’s Day sorting through your stupid documents because you wanted to hold me, hostage, here—”

Hoseok purses his lips as you progress through your rant, but in all honesty, you looked like a little rabbit that was frustrated than anything else, and all he feels in endearment.

He lets you have your moment, though—because he likes you like this—honest, unforgiving and so irrevocably yourself.

“—like, romantic? Please, Hoseok—you have zero romantic bones in your body and I’m pretty sure you’re 100% annoying than human—”

He pouts when you resort to insulting him, and he reaches for your cheeks to squeeze them in his palms so you’d stop.

“Okay enough of that, my feelings are hurt.” He pouts, “But … I’ll let you off the hook cause you’re so cute.”

You glare at him, cheeks still squished together like a chipmunk.

“I hathe eberything avout you.” You say through a muffled breath.

He sighs.

He releases your cheeks and begins packing up the trash, and you’re confused at the way his touch suddenly disappears and disappointed because you weren’t close to him anymore.

“Hobi?” You meekly call out, and he swears his heart stutters at the nickname.

“Can you stop being cute for one second and let me clean up?” He groans, shoving the stray paper bags away into the dustbin below his desk.

You blush even harder, keening under the praise.

You twiddle with your thumbs, awkwardly hovering by his desk as you watch him. You’d try to help, but there was something so utterly domestic and … homey about the way that Hoseok tuts you off when you reach out to pick something up.

Once he’s satisfied (because as annoying as he was, you applauded him for his neatness), he throws his blazer over his shoulder effortlessly, and shuts all the lights off, saying nothing more besides walking to the door.

You eye him curiously, wondering why he hasn’t uttered a single word yet, but as you’re about to open your mouth, he turns around to look at you over his shoulder with a raised brow.

“Are you coming?”

You tilt your head to the side.

“W-Where?”

“With me,” He shrugs his shoulders, leaning against the wooden frame of his door as you feel your heartbeat grow faster at how effortlessly good he looks under the dim light.

“I think I owe you a belated Valentine’s Day celebration, no?”

Oh.

[ive-been-reminding-you]

OoC: The Big, Long Post of Where the Hell I’ve Been

Before I begin, I want to apologize for just disappearing. I’ve had some contact with a couple of people here and there within these past months, but not as much as typical when I’m active.

This post is to just tell you all where I’ve been and what’s been going on with me. I’ve told a couple of people a couple of things here and there, but I never really got too deep into it.

I’m going to keep most of this under a Keep Reading for a couple of reasons. The first reason is because, as the title suggests, this is going to be really long. The second is because of some of the really heavy things I’m going to be talking about, and I think it’s best if you read at your own discretion rather than have me splash this across your dashboards without any warning. So, please, see the tags before reading.

OK. Here we go...

Back in March, I got sick. I have no idea what I had, but I just know that I was sick and that it lingered for a considerable length of time. 

I had had four or five shifts in a row, and I had one more to go before I was to have a couple of days off. The morning of that last shift, I woke up with a scratchy throat. I didn’t really think much of it because I typically feel like I’m sick when I first wake up (one of the problems that comes with my insomnia). However, a couple of hours later, as I was getting ready to head into work, I still had the scratchy throat. In addition, I had begun to have a really intense headache.

That’s when I got a group text from my boss telling us to stay home if we had a cough or sore throat. I sent him a direct text and told him what was going on and we agreed it would be best for me to stay home.

The scratchy throat, which later evolved to include a cough, lasted for nearly two months. The headache also lasted that long. And when I say that, I mean that every single day for two months, I had a bad headache that never went away and only fluctuated slightly in how severe it was for that day.

Neither my boss, nor the other managers, were taking me seriously. That first week I was home, I was trying to rest and every single day, I was getting texts with questions like, “Hey, you’ll be in for your next shift, right?” or, “Why don’t you just go get tested? Easiest thing in the world!”

No matter how many times I explained my situation — medical professionals told me not to come in for a test because supplies were scarce and they were only testing people with emergency symptoms. In addition, I was told, “If you come here and you have the virus, you’ll be putting other people at risk. If you don’t have it, and you come here, you risk exposing yourself to it. You just need to stay home and monitor your symptoms until they either get severe or until your cough and sore throat go away.” Also, mind you, I use public transportation, which people were especially advised not to use if you were feeling sick to keep the virus from spreading, so... How exactly did they want me to get to a testing facility? — they always acted like I just didn’t want to get tested. My friend that helped get me the job kept sending me articles about new testing sites and kept arguing with me about it. He also kept telling me that I should get tested so that I could be cleared to come back to work if I didn’t have it. At this point, I was feeling like a broken record, and I had told him loads of times that even if I didn’t have the virus, I still felt like shit and there was no way I’d be able to stand all day, anyway.

Finally, after weeks of this back-and-forth, my boss told me to contact HR. They put me on a retroactive leave of absence. However, it still has not been approved and it will most likely get denied, which means that I will not be paid for the time I was out of work. And I only just went back to work two weeks ago.

In addition to being out so long, my hours have been severely cut. I worked two days the first week I was back. Then this past week, I had no hours at all. This week, I only work four hours on Saturday. It’s hard for me not to feel like this is intentional, considering the fact that I wasn’t taken seriously the whole time I was sick and they were acting like I was just being dramatic or needlessly cautious (also, apparently I work with a bunch of medical experts because even when I was telling them information I got from the CDC, they were still telling me that that wasn’t right 🙄). My first day back, one of the managers asked me how I was doing, and asked me what I had been feeling. When I mentioned the severe headache that wouldn’t go away, he chuckled and went, “That’s not even a symptom of the virus!” And he very clearly didn’t believe me when I explained to him that it is, in fact, a symptom that many people who were confirmed to have had it had reported. Just because it’s not one of the more common symptoms doesn’t mean it’s not a symptom.

I am now drowning in debt from being out of work so long, in addition to not receiving any hours. Our rent was still being collected this whole time, and I had to pay April and May’s rent together in one go because I was still quarantined in April and couldn’t make it to my bank. This almost completely wiped out my funds. My gas company isn’t charging late fees, but they have still been charging regularly every month and I don’t even know how much I owe them at this point because I can’t pay it, anyway, so I stopped looking. Last I checked, it was over $300. I’m assuming that it’s closer to $600 now. My internet is going to most likely be shut off at the end of the month. There have been days where I was afraid to go buy groceries because of how low my funds are. I have had to accept help from many people, a couple of them were almost complete strangers who came out of nowhere and helped me out significantly.

The stress is getting to me terribly. I have spent so many days these past months living in a fog where nothing feels real anymore. I think I’m shedding hair more than usual, and every time I wash my hair, there are clumps left in the shower. My insomnia is magnified, and now with the heat of it being summer, that’s just going to get worse because my room gets substantially hot. And because of my financial situation, I’m trying to run the air conditioner as little as possible and only run my fans. My appetite has been affected and I often just eat once a day with maybe a little snack here or there.

Things got so bad for me psychologically that I reached out to my Employee Help Line, provided to people who work for the company I work for. I tend not to call numbers like that because of bad experiences in the past, but I needed to talk to someone. There was back and forth between myself and several counselors for two or three weeks, and they tried to get me an appointment with a therapist over the phone. 

The Employee Help Line counselors were all wonderful people. The therapists I tried to schedule appointments with? Not so much. The first one canceled on me by email just an hour before my session was supposed to begin. The second one also canceled on me by email the night before my session. 

The third one was a truly mystifying experience. So much so that she gets her own paragraph. Not only did our session only last about thirty minutes (instead of the forty-five to fifty minutes that it should have been), but she gave me such advice as, “Just don’t worry so much.” And her entire tone made me feel like I couldn’t speak to her because I felt the need to justify everything I was feeling or explain myself. Then it took an even more bizarre turn when I Googled her to see her hours of operation (I felt so uncomfortable with her that I wanted to call and leave a message to cancel our next appointment instead of talking to her directly) and found a website, full of evidence, that she was an animal abuser and that she had been investigated for insurance fraud for charging patients for sessions that never happened or double-billing them. I also found a website of reviews and there were so many that talked about how unprofessional she was (smoking in a closed office during sessions, inviting patients to stay the night at her place, charging someone for two months worth of sessions that never took place because they canceled after just seeing her once). And she told me she was mailing me paperwork which I haven’t received yet that I need to fill out and mail back (with what postage, I wonder, since I can’t afford to buy a book of stamps?) instead of letting me do that electronically.

After that whole experience with those three therapists, I decided to stop trying to get into therapy for now. And, for the record, this is exactly why I’m afraid to go back to therapy because my bad experiences far outweigh the good ones. In this time, too, the Employee Help Line people had been trying to find solutions to my funding problem. Absolutely none of what they found was good for me. I either didn’t qualify, or they weren’t accepting new applicants, or some other thing kept me from being able to use whichever service.

And there’s one more thing... I’ve been alone this entire time. My brother, whom I live with, went to visit a friend of his before things got bad. He was only supposed to be gone for the weekend, but then I got sick the day before he was going to come back home. And then his friend’s state went into lockdown before I started to feel any better. So he has been stuck there, and I’ve been living alone and dealing with all of this alone this whole time. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends who are checking in on me and who are trying to help me however they can — and my brother and I have been in contact as much as possible — but it’s not the same as having someone physically present. I’m the very definition of an introvert, so it doesn’t usually bother me, but there have been times where I greatly needed someone physically here for me and nobody was able.

And that’s why I’ve been gone for so long. I’ve probably even forgotten some stuff, or just haven’t added stuff (like how I have to hand wash all my laundry now because I don’t have a washer or dryer and it isn’t safe to use the laundromat anymore for the time being) because everything has been a tremendous mess and this is already a monster of a post. I’m still not 100% sure when I’ll be back, but I’m definitely coming back. Until then, I’m going to try to be around more often for DMs at least. I love you all and I hope you’re all OK. ⚔️ Spike ⚔️

P.S. If you’ve read to the end of this, thank you for doing so lol. You have a much greater attention span than I do xD. P.P.S. I posted this and then took it down for a second because I realized that I forgot to add tags and this post really, really needs to have tags.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

STARTUPS AND STUDENTS

The values of the elite, others feel a little nervous about it, because it would cause the founders' attitudes toward risk tend to be the boss of someone much older than you, and b since he's probably a founder, he can pay himself nothing. Redwoods mean those are the parts where the fog off the coast comes in at night; redwoods condense rain out of fog. Aim for cool and cheap, not expensive and impressive. So despite those millions in the bank, you're still poor. During the Internet Bubble there were a number of startups that need less than they used to. It's a tossup whether Castro Street or University Ave should be considered the heart of the Valley is done in the cafes on or just off University Ave in Palo Alto. In some cases you may collaborate with other students, and this remark convinced me that Sarbanes-Oxley loosened. It's hard to follow, especially when you're young. It's not the sort of uncool office building that will make your software worse. It's not what people learn in classes at MIT and Stanford that has made technology companies spring up around them.1 The main reason they all acted as if they got the answer to some math question before the other kids.

Palo Alto is a place they come to meet investors. Well, no. If you walked around their offices, it seemed like a software company.2 Presumably they were driven by whatever makes people in every other society invent cosmologies. I know that have the right kind of place for developing software. Investors all compete with one another for deals, but they know better than to use it. Or rather, investors who do that will get corrected in the process is option pools.3 But in fact we were doing exactly the right sort of person who would like to do, your best bet may be to choose a type of work that could turn into either an organic or two-job route is that it's slow and uncertain.

That's an important difference because it means a startup could do. Once we reach that point, we take one of two routes. I was a kid I thought they protected inventors from having their ideas stolen by big companies. The problem was, since we'd been about to be acquired, we'd allowed ourselves to run low on cash. So a language that people don't learn merely to get a job.4 We've found this principle very useful, and we were growing at 10% a month. If you work hard at being a bond trader for ten years, thinking that you'll quit and write novels when you have enough money, what happens when you quit and then discover that you don't notice.5

Always produce is also a heuristic for finding the work you love. But should you start a company. The kind of philosophy I'm advocating won't be able to achieve the essayist's standard of proof, not the mathematician's or the experimentalist's. He has noticed that theoretical knowledge is often acquired for its own sake, out of curiosity, rather than becoming philosophy professors. You couldn't just do what you wanted, and that probably made a difference. It turns out to have been temporary. Others say I will get in trouble for appearing to be writing about things I don't understand.6 If two companies have the same drab clunkiness as anything else that comes out of a new funding round we needed to raise more to keep going. Soon after we arrived at Yahoo, we got an email from Filo, who had been crawling around our directory hierarchy, asking if it was really necessary to store so much of our data on expensive RAID drives. The acquirers already have brand recognition and HR departments. Talk to as many VCs as you can, though.

Kids who know early what they want. On the whole they've done better than the companies that weren't. So don't get demoralized. Still more dangerously, when you think about it if you're trying to negotiate with them. In fact, they rarely seemed to arrive at it. For example, if users searching for compact disc player end up spending considerable money at sites offering compact disc players, then those pages will have a higher relevance for that search phrase, even though the phrase compact disc player end up spending considerable money at sites offering compact disc players, then those pages will have a higher relevance for that search phrase, even though the advertisers are paying and users aren't. Increasingly, startups are a big risk financially. Could other countries introduce more individualism into their technology companies and research labs without having it metastasize as strip malls?

Customers loved us. Usually there is something even better than C; and plug-and-so is an animal. People who don't want to be CFO of a public company now. A few ideas from it turned out to be. Because people in the Valley.7 It causes you to work not on what you want and get out of the way. This money isn't revenue.

But there is no need for rounds to take months or even weeks to close, and once founders realize that, it's going to feel terrible sometimes, then when it feels terrible you won't think ouch, this feels terrible, I give up.8 I, Ada have lost, while hacker languages C, Perl, Smalltalk, Lisp. They may also make the biggest investment. There is no core of knowledge one must master. So mainly what a startup buys you is time. We felt like our role was to be impudent underdogs instead of corporate stuffed shirts, and that this company is going to discover those. Perhaps more importantly, you'll get into the habit early in life of thinking that all judgements are. The reason: today's teenage hacker is tomorrow's CTO.9 Some angels, especially those with technology backgrounds, may be satisfied with a search result than going to the site and buying something?

Notes

The First Two Hundred Years.

More precisely, investors treat them differently. Everyone's taught about it.

There's no reason to believe this number is a function of their initial funding and then stopped believing, so presumably will the rate of change in response to what modernist architects meant. I overstated the case, as they seem like noise.

If they really need that much better, and would not be true that the only result is that the path from ideas to startups. In the Daddy Model and reality is the only ones that matter financially, and there are not the second clause could include any possible startup, unless it was true that being so, you have to talk to a VC who got buyer's remorse, then over the details. Record labels, for example, the number of situations, but there are no startups to have had little effect on college admissions there would be to become one of their growth from earnings.

This is a new generation of software from being contaminated by how you spent your summers. By a similar effect, at least, as Brian Burton does in SpamProbe.

It was common in the computer world recognize who that is a bad idea was that professionalism had replaced money as a constituency. Some find they have to factor out some knowledge. He, like a knowledge of human nature, might come from meditating in an empty room, you might be an inverse correlation between launch magnitude and success.

I was as bad an employee or as outside counsel, they cancel out and you start to be hard on the spot as top sponsor.

If you seem evasive than if you repair a machine that's broken because a it's too obvious to your instruments. Some want to turn Buffalo into a great programmer is infinitely more valuable, and that modern corporate executives would work so hard to judge for yourself and that modern corporate executives would work so hard to mentally deal with the sort of idea are statistics about the idea that they probably don't notice even when I switch in mid-twenties the people who run them would be easier to get a small proportion of spam. Xkcd implemented a particularly clever one in a limited way, without becoming a Texas oilman was not in the standard edition of Aristotle's contribution?

There is one that did. He was off by only about 2%. We just store the data, it's because of some power shift due to the yogurt place, we found they used it to colleagues. There can be a trivial enhancement of HTTP, to mean starting a company.

[prorevenge]

Treat me like garbage for 3+ years and try to deny me my unemployment? We'll see about that.

This is a bit of a long one, so strap in, grab some popcorn, and enjoy. Happened some years ago. If you find any spelling or grammar errors. Keep them and breed them, they make great pets. Tl;dr at the bottom.

So some background; due to some personal reasons, I needed a new start. Years ago, I moved cross country to a state famous for its mountains, colours, and legal drug use. Since I had some family that wanted me to drive some items they'd stored on the eastern coast of the US to the state. I agreed and decided on moving since I could easily transfer all of my schooling to another college in the area. My folks were abusive and I moved out about a week after getting a job, but this isn't about them.

Enter my old boss. They came from the kind of money that paid their way into an ivy league school and owns several properties around town. Their also the sort of person who stopped their birth control just to get pregnant and keep their equally douchey boyfriend around. Just some background and used to establish character.

The Details & Background

My new job was working as an assistant. I thought that it was odd that the interview was at a Starbucks, but I needed the job. I accepted minimum wage as a 1099 employee--yes I know I was dumb at the time, don't worry, I've learned better--and started. My new workplace was out of their basement. Odd, but I'm a good guy, so I roll with it.

Folks I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say I worked sometimes upwards of 70+ hours a week. This was a job that was pitched to me as "part-time." After months there, I did everything from answering phones, running social media and websites, drafting estimates, doing all IT work, some minor cleaning, and generally trying to help out this business in any way I could. I bent over backwards and then some more. Years later I realized I set an impossibly high standard for myself and others as the first employee of this business.

Fast forward to some years in the future. I had left due to some stress-related health concerns. Essentially, I had a small stroke because of the stress and berating. I later came back, as I was and still am a very "pay it forward" person. And felt that I owed the company for getting me a start in an industry that got me out of retail. I've since learned better in this respect too.

The work environment was never great. Any small mistake was treated as a large offense. Instead of this being a red flag to me; I doubled down. Did beyond my best to check all work and even taught myself some coding and server management that would help the business. Business started to pick up and we were soon busy enough to be able to afford a new location (I had suggested leasing a place near our primary clientele). We also needed to hire more staff since the workload was too much for two people.

Before I left the first time, I had trained two office personnel. The company had also promoted me. As anyone who has worked in a small business can tell you, you'll wear a lot of hats. So my job title was somewhere around Estimator/IT/Office Manager/Field Representative. The owner had also bought a house in a residential neighborhood with the intention of renovating it to be our new office.

Problems & Red Flags

Well... any business has it's problems, here's the ones for this company: -New office was a house. The lot was zoned for residential. This was apparent at the time of purchase. -While homeowners can pull permits, you have to actually pull the permit for the work. -We couldn't keep staff or subs to save our life. Turn over was ridiculous. -The owner was using the business accounts as their personal accounts. -Anytime the owner came back in; all staff were expected to drop what they were doing and listen to their tirade and demands. Gods help you if you forgot anything or didn't do it to their exact--sometimes incorrect--specifications. Or the specifications they came up with and didn't tell you about. -The owner would scream, shout, and fume with staff. -The owner dated subs. -The owner often requested that I forge or backdate paperwork. (I'm a notary, this is not only illegal, but I could lose that privilege.) -The owner and other workers would smoke pot on the premises. (I'm cool with recreational use, but don't partake myself.) -We would have to constantly juggle credit cards, accounts, and other funds, often begging the owner to be able to pay our supplier(s) to end the throng of endless, angry phone calls and emails asking for payment. -The owner was a serial appointment canceller. Often, I had appointments dropped into my lap past the time I would need to actually travel there and arrive on time.

After more than three combined years of verbal abuse, threats and demands for payment, dealing with a revolving door of angry staff, and having more than one occasion where subs threatened me and the office staff for not being paid; I was ready to leave. I put in my notice as I was having the same stress-related health issues.

The owner panicked and offered to sit down and talk things out. I had no intention of going back to working for $13/hr, with no benefits, and dealing with downright childish behaviour. I hadn't even been sat down for an interview, offered any sort of salary when I came back, and jumped in because they desperately needed the help. I knew that and got straight to work.

But here we were in a public shop, talking things over and I explained the issues in this toxic environment and how it was affecting me. Why I was leaving and that I was sorry things had turned out this way.

To my surprise, they came back with a counteroffer for a fair wage, praised my work, threw in some benefits, and offered to let me work from home for a large percentage of the week. I was still working on lining up a better job at the time and due to a series of equally bad employment situations before; don't work for a GC if you can help it, I needed to rebuild my savings. I agreed and had written proof of this agreement.

Three months go by and for nearly every week I've received multiple calls after my shift asking, why I haven't been doing (x, y, z) task. Why (insert insurance or customer name) hasn't paid up yet. And, of course, being called into the office more due to the "needs of the business." Anytime I'm in the office I'm putting out more fires than the New York Fire Department. Their bookkeeping assistant treats me like garbage. Anytime I had to teach them how to use a new system or even Excel, I'm met with opposition, stubbornness, and later would receive complaints about how I was "being condescending" to them. (In truth, they were very computer illiterate and unqualified for their position.) But they worked for next to nothing and would flatter the owner. They were generally two-faced and a brown-noser.

The company also had a new office manager since I was working on mostly estimates and negotiations. This was one of the two I had trained and they were a sweetheart. They deserved more than they got there and were days where I had found them breaking down crying. The owner treated them worse than they had treated me and so did their "bookkeeper." I felt sorry for them and eventually, they were fired. It's unfortunate, but they are doing better now from what I've heard.

Well, when the office manager was fired, bookkeeper and the owner drafted up a TON of fake write-ups. Backdating them, forging signatures, and generally trying to make them look like the worst worker to ever exist.

I was upset. This was someone who had been in a similar position that I had been in; saved from the world of retail and trying to gain experience to get a better job. They were a hard worker and set the standard impossibly high. The customers loved them and they ran the office like a well-oiled machine. I honestly think that they had done a better job than I had in some respects.

I brought up how the office manager as indicated by the write-up form was entitled to a copy of the form. That backdating and what was done here was not only inappropriate but illegal. Both bookkeeper and the owner brushed off what I said.

Big red flag.

At this point, I started looking for other work. I was in the office nearly every day and I had even gotten there early enough to open up on most days, then close. I was miserable and kept having chest pains due to the stress. During this time, I was trying to get approval to go on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) since I am trans. In order to qualify, you have to be of certain health requirements. Having a high BP will disqualify you for very valid health reasons.

Due to where I live, I had to drive over an hour away to be seen for these services. Bummer, but I do it anyway. It takes over six months to get an appointment, where I'm told that I need to lower my blood pressure, or I can't safely start HRT.

I'm devastated, I cried, I got seriously depressed, and it only made things worse. To the point that my toxic work environment had stressed me beyond stressed. I came home one day, walked past my roommate like a zombie, went into the shower in our bathroom fully clothed, turned on the cold water, and just... laid there for an hour.

My roommate had been urging me to quit. Seeing the employer abuse, how upset I was, and how my depression was starting to spiral out of control again. Instead of quitting, I put together a solid business plan, job descriptions, improved workflows, and really just a huge document on "How to Unfuck Your Business." Presented the product of several hours of my own time to the owner. Who dismissed it in a loud bar where we could barely hear each other.

After three more months of waiting and trying to prompt change that would never come, I quit.

The Revenge

Since I had left without lining up another, immediate job; and frankly, need therapy, I applied for unemployment benefits due to health reasons. In my country, you can be awarded benefits if you meet a set of strict criteria. Which, after a good day of research, I realized I did meet.

I had never applied for unemployment in my life and having grown up with family that were a mix of benefits fraud poster children and welfare queens; I never wanted to "use the system." But I had bills to pay and needed the time off to pick up my mental pieces after everything that had happened and I was going through. My roommate and I were running low on our savings, so I needed the unemployment.

Swallowing down my pride, I applied and after over a month of back and forth and paperwork; I received my unemployment award.

We breathed a sigh of relief as I continued to recover and look for work. Three months go by and we're past the period of an employer being able to dispute a claim. Again, sigh of relief. I was nearly certain that they were going to try and file against me.

Well, I was right. Turns out they had lied and gotten an extension, filed against my claim. Claiming that I was fired for poor performance.

I was livid.

How dare they insinuate that I did anything less than give 100% at that festering hole of toxicity they called an office! I worked well past my shifts, I had learned and set up the systems and documents they used for nearly everything, and I had treated their company as though it was my own. Sacrificing time, sanity, health, and even some of my own equipment to ensure it succeeded. I kept going when so many had walked away from the dumpster fire that was their business.

Fuck this.

Fuck the owner and fuck this. I immediately and angrily started my research to build my case.

I read the document and the "hearing" was scheduled as a phone hearing in front of a deputy representing the department. There's also a deadline to submit supporting documents. The very latest you could submit documentation for both the former employee and employer was within 24 hours before the scheduled hearing.

Over the next three or so weeks I gathered up years worth of notes from medical providers I had seen, statements from former employees, witnesses to both my mental state and the state of the office environment, etc.

When the office manager had left, they filed for unemployment (which they were justified in). The owner had laughed, drafted up false write-up forms, filed for an extension, and the office manager's claim was decided that the office manager didn't have enough proof and documentation--they hadn't bothered to turn in any--and lost their claim. Which means that the claimant has to pay back any money awarded. The owner and bookkeeper laughed and carried on, bragging about their "handiwork."

Now, I knew that there was going to be a fresh stack of fake write-up forms with my name all over them. I was the one who had authored the write-up forms. I've never once had a write-up form in any job I've worked. I waited until 10 minutes before the deadline, used an online faxing service, and faxed over copies of all of my supporting documents to both the former employer and the deputy for the hearing. Leaving the company no time to turn in any documentation. I kept copies of the faxes to both of them, along with the successful notification that they had been received by both parties.

If they had any documentation, they had to send it to both parties. Since I hadn't gotten anything from them or the deputy, I knew I was the only one walking in with ammo.

Upon further research, I discovered that I could attend the hearing in person. Which, I was more than happy too. Armed with a bulging folder full of evidence, collared shirt, tie, and a beaming smile on my face, I shook hands with the deputy and they called my former employer.

Bookkeeper answers the phone, we're sworn in, all documentation is listed and verified that it has been received, and they give the employer's side of the story.

My gods, to say that they bashed me would be an understatement. Speed bumps take less abuse. "I didn't work." "My work was sloppy." "I was rude to customers." "I refused to go into the office," and so on.

At this point, I'm honestly doing my best to keep quiet and not laugh. They even tried to say that because I was trans, I left because of that. Makes no sense, but ok. I give my statement; which I had written out and practiced several times before this hearing. All the while bookkeeper continually interrupts me and the deputy has to tell them to let me speak, as I did the same for them.

I finish and we start going through the evidence.

Of COURSE bookkeeper is waffling, saying they have evidence (emails and write-ups, both easy to fake since they controlled my employee email account) and starting to reference evidence that neither I or the deputy have received. The deputy has to interrupt them and state that anything they have is inadmissible since they didn't turn it in before the generous deadline.

They are livid and I can tell in the background that the owner is feeding them things to say. (Bookkeeper is not the sharpest spoon in the knife drawer.) Which was an old habit of theirs for anyone who answered the phone in the office.

I spend my sweet, sweet time going through the mountain of evidence I have. I'm interrupted several times and politely ask in my most honeyed of tones, "Bookkeeper, I let you speak freely, can you please do the same for me?"

They are livid. Both the deputy and I could hear the seething rage over the phone and the poor deputy just rolls their eyes over the course of the hour. Having to remind bookkeeper that they are under oath. As they made several contradicting statements. After hearing the evidence from both sides and several claims by bookkeeper of, "This is the owner's 'bread and butter,' you're taking food from their kid's mouths." To which, I calmly reply, "Oh! Excuse me bookkeeper, I'll keep that in mind during this hearing, and when I go to pay rent." The deputy got a chuckle out of that but had to ask me to "keep it civil."

To add to this buttery, decadent roll of sweet, sweet revenge; one of my witnesses was called who was a former employee. Not only did they back up my story, but they got to enjoy jabbing them back too.

Needless to say, a few weeks later I got the results of the hearing and the deputy had ruled in my favour. There was a period of time where both parties were welcome to repeal the decision and we would appear in another hearing. At that time, recordings of the exchange would be made available to both parties. They never repealed.

You would think this would be the end of my revenge. Admittedly, it's not bad, but not pro revenge material yet.

It Gets Better

Before I had left, one of the many bills that had been perpetually left unpaid were the insurances for the company. Which included their unemployment insurance. I smiled each time I deposited my check, knowing full well that there was a very real possibility that over 7k of my unemployment came directly from them.

But I wasn't done. My professionalism had been insulted and dragged through the mud.

You see, I knew nearly everything that was going on in that company. I had made their systems, documents, edited contracts, and was ingrained in nearly every aspect of their operation. I knew they were facing an audit by their former insurance provider.

I called their former insurer and spoke with the auditor. I detailed all of the OSHA, federal, and state violations. I also informed them of the paperwork forging that I had seen while I was there and of several unsafe practices. They thanked me for my time and I happily ended the call.

Next stop, the IRS. I made a report and gave detailed information in regards to their records and even provided why they were not able to file on time. Again thanked for my time and honesty.

Afterward, I decided to touch up with a few of my friends with the regional building department. They were more than happy to listen.

In the three years I had worked there, I had the opportunity to meet and get to know several local businesses and their assistants around town. I spent the next two weeks calling and emailing several key businesses in the area that were their suppliers, vendors, subs, and labour suppliers. I never said an untrue word, asked if they had time to talk, and summarily, was thanked for my time. Funny thing about their assistants too; they control scheduling and well, answer the phones. I'm on good terms with several of them and they backed my story.

Wouldn't you know it, their business address was mysteriously devoid of their trailer, equipment, and signs not long after. They still have an online presence and probably will as long as their family continues to bail them out.

I'm writing this after years because after working for several bad employers, I now have a good job with an amazing company that supports me. It's the result of my years of experience, credentials, and having to eat shit for all those years.

Tl;dr: Abusive employer abuses employees, tries to deny me unemployment, drags me through the mud during the hearing. I not only win my case, but report them enough to drive them out of their location and likely, business.

(source) story by (/u/27thFrequency)

[transcendentalmaggot]

(This is just me screaming about living with a disability in our present hell and being in a constant state of precarity with everyone asking when I’m going to “get better”)

Finally received approval of my temporary disability from January... and only for January. The paperwork was delayed due to a combination of me being incredibly ill and my HR department not sending the paperwork when they told me they did, but I didn’t expect it to take this long. The approval, received on March 26th, also included a request to submit additional paperwork for approval of February’s payment. I had already called and emailed my case worker to confirm they received the February paperwork weeks ago but I guess that will be delayed until my doctor fills out a form that is simply a retread of the same information included on the original form with different wording and a bunch of information on physical labor that is completely irrelevant to my job. Temporary disability through your job is almost always determined on a month-to-month basis but it’s never taken this long for a response when I’ve had to go on it on the past due to my disabilities. I knew both the health and disability insurance policies at my job were significantly worse this year than the last based on the information we received for the New Year because the company is naturally looking to save money by cutting benefits while moving our warehouses to the south to save even more money on labor. The new owners (a holding company looking to maximize the value of this bullshit, useless company until they sell it in two years for a profit) literally sent an email at Christmas letting us know we’d receive our holiday bonuses for this year but as a matter of policy we wouldn’t be receiving them in the future. Of course I’m expected to be grateful I have any insurance coverage at all working a CS job where I’m making minimum wage but somehow I feel less gratitude than I do an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety for the future. I haven’t been able to get several tests or doctor’s evaluations completed due to the pandemic and financial considerations (my deductible was met in late February, perfect timing) so of course my health status hasn’t changed. The hospital I go to in NYC has cancelled all non-urgent procedures and appointments on a case-by-case basis and despite my concerning blood work re: my kidney function I’m being forced to wait by the insurance company handling my disability claim with no consideration of the current crisis. I understand the need to do this for hospitals but please be cognizant of the shitty position people with chronic health issues are being thrown into during the pandemic. I can make telemed appointments with my doctors but everything is being held up by the need for tests and lab results.

There’s also something grim about the fact that the outstanding balance I owe from this year’s deductible to the hospital is almost the exact amount I received to live on for the month of January in March.

I’m exhausted and sick and completely isolated from my friends and chosen family outside of instant messaging at my dad’s house and I don’t know if my health will ever get better or if I’m going to need major surgery in the near future and if I’m going to be fired and lose my health insurance by the time I find out. My boss emails me every two weeks to ask about my health as if I’d ever give her more information on my status than she already has. My manager keeps texting me prayers at random intervals. I’m purposefully isolating myself from the people I love because I constantly feel like a burden - I hate not being able to be there for them because being this sick feels like a full time job. Apparently their awful treatment of me was because of how “needed” I was. These texts and emails keep mentioning how productive and beloved by the customers I was while I was constantly being criticized for not bringing my numbers up. I was only number 2 or 3 in the reams of useless data my boss pores over as a fucking job and the obvious reaction to that is to make me feel awful knowing about my health issues so I can raise my numbers even higher. I don’t know if I can return to this job without completely sacrificing the last shred of my sanity. Between the pain, the exhaustion, and the panic attacks induced by people berating me with the job title “happiness ambassador” I don’t think I can handle working with these assholes anymore. But then I remember that any job in CS involves this level of mental degradation and at least I had health insurance. Fucking insurance. I’ve lived my entire life under the crushing terror that I would lose my insurance. I’m just tired. I’m so fucking tired. I can’t afford the medical supplies I need to live without it and Medicaid is incredibly awful to ostomy patients in terms of providing enough supplies. But maybe that’s my fear talking, I’ve just helped a lot of people with catheters and other supplies who didn’t receive a sufficient supply through their state’s Medicaid program through support groups for my condition in the past and the problem has only gotten worse with the severe under funding and cuts to the program. I want to believe it isn’t so awful but experience has taught me time and again to expect the worst.

I’m trying to hold onto hope but everything feels too heavy right now. I’m just going to numb myself with video games until I’ve cried myself out. I’m too exhausted for another panic attack today.

[ahnsael]

On Going Back to Work, and Other Things

Tomorrow night when I wake up, I’ll know more about my future. Our tentative June 4th reopening date for the casino is contingent on a meeting that the Gaming Commission is holding tomorrow. After this, I ramble, so here’s a Read More break.

I know our casino owner well enough, after almost four years of working with him, to know that he’s going to want to reopen at the first opportunity (he was ticked when we were ordered to shut down, while I was relieved, even having tweeted Governor Sisolak to beg him to shut us down since I knew our owner wouldn’t do it unless he was ordered to, so I went over the owner’s head).

I mean, having a guest literally cough in my face while she was exchanging coins for bills to put into a machine spooked me big-time as I was realizing what a big deal this pandemic was. Then Disney shut down their theme parks, which really made it hit home that this was a HUGE deal.

So the thought of reopening, when the curve still hasn’t even begun to flatten, scares me.

I live in an area full of conservative types. It’s a VERY red county (if it wasn’t for Washoe and Clark counties, Nevada would be a red state -- fortunately there are enough liberals in Reno and Vegas to counteract that). But my county? VERY red. These are the people who are going to refuse to wear masks (it’s VERY rare, when I need supplies, to see other people in masks; I’m usually the only non-employee wearing one). These are the people who will intentionally cough in my face if I ask them to follow whatever regulations the state requires me to enforce. These are the people who are going to take it as a personal affront that they cannot play their favorite machine because someone else is playing the machine next to it (we already know that every other machine will have to be placed out of service to promote social distancing).

I don’t know how drinks are going to work. As of now, bars are not open (except for to-go orders, which is usually illegal but these are interesting times). We have a self-service beverage bar, but as of now those are not allowed. But people are going to try, even if we turn them off. So am I going to have to carry a key to turn it on so I can get drinks for guests, and then remember to turn it off? Will I need to get a new glass every time someone gets a refill (probably a good idea)? Will we be allowed to serve alcohol?

Will we require facemasks, and if so, does that mean we are now a non-smoking facility? One manager, the one who told me about the June 4th potential reopening date (he once gave me a late April reopening date so I didn’t believe him until I saw the governor’s tweets confirming it; the rest of the info I didn’t see from the governor so I’m taking it with a large grain of salt) mentioned temperature checks, all employees being tested for the virus, and other major restrictions, but I’m waiting for the results of tomorrow’s Gaming Commission meeting and the announcement that follows.

And of course, whenever we DO reopen, we’re going to have to get together, be it in person or online, to discuss things. Because we’re in uncharted territory (I know other businesses already have charts now, but casinos haven’t reopened yet and are a different kind of business, so we’ll be learning as we go.

We’re going to have to train staff -- well, those who we haven’t lost; not sure whether everybody’s going to come back. I’ve been told that one of my graveyard security guards and one other manager both took jobs with Walmart rather than be unemployed, and I can pretty much guarantee that they’re making more money there than they will at the casino when we reopen (with the extra $600 weekly unemployment payment passed by Congress, I actually make more money being unemployed than I do working, but I’ll be back when I get the call, scared as I may be).

It could be that we won’t be a 24/7 operation anymore. Most nights, there are only two of us working. So how can two of us screen every guest, enforce social distancing, get drinks for people, and continually sanitize/disinfect machines after someone uses them? When I first got word that we could reopen soon, I started adjusting my sleep schedule from “meh, whatever” to try and get on more of a graveyard schedule, but I’m realizing that may not be the best idea. Because I don’t know if graveyard is even going to be a thing at the casino.

I have so many questions, and so far no word from the company (understandable, since the company doesn’t know any more than I do at this point). I imagine that I’ll hear from the company within the next week.

If we are going to be scaled back in operation, I do remember hearing our area manager (who I’ve heard through the grapevine is no longer with the company) telling my boss to create a “ranking” of employees on the night we closed, so that they could prioritize who to bring back. When I picked up my last check after my “babysitting the empty casino” duties were cancelled, my boss asked how I was doing and emphasized that he didn’t want to lose me, so I imagine I would have made such a list, so I’m not worried about whether I have a job when we reopen. But I don’t know how many of my co-workers will still be there. There are a couple who told me about being immuno-compromised as we started realizing what a big deal this pandemic was. So they may not be confident coming back.

I had to have an awkward conversation with my security guard when he called and asked me to move in with him (he recently lost his mom and has been staying with an aunt and uncle but needs to find a place and while I’m touched that he likes me enough to want me to be his roommate after knowing me for as long as he’s known me...I mean, even if I was looking for a place, it would be weird for a manager to live with a subordinate. This is one of the people who took a job at Walmart rather than take unemployment (and I have respect for the two I know have done so; I needed a break anyway, so I’ve accepted the unemployment.

My week of paid time off that I had approved before this all happened, which was cancelled when we closed, expires soon (I had put in for a week off at the end of April, but once I was furloughed the paid time off was also cancelled) and while we have a “use it or lose it” policy, as it doesn’t carry over to the next year, and I’m nearing my 4-year anniversary with the company so I’m about to lose it). I may have to chat with HR about maybe getting an exception (they DID say, when they announced that we were officially furloughed, that paid time off could be requested again once we reopen). But I don’t think they’ll be able to afford to lose me for a week of paid time off between now and mid-June (or July -- I often forget which of those months I was hired in and usually I can pull up my gaming card at work if I need to know, but I don’t have access to that right now), but I also don’t want to lose that week. So hopefully they will be willing to carry it over even though that’s not the policy, or just give me those 40 hours of pay without me taking the time off. I’d be good with either one of those, but would be a little bitter if I just lost that pay.

Not TOO bitter, though. As I mentioned, I make more now than I did when I was working. Nevada issues BofA MasterCard debit cards for unemployment, and load benefits onto that. And I have more in that account now, even after paying for my ambulance ride in April, than I’ve ever had in any account before. Like, even the first time I left Disney, and they paid out my unused vacation pay on my last check, it was around $1,000. I’ve got almost $2,000 on this card right now. Like,  if I get turned down for my financial assistance from the hospital, I may actually be able to pay it (and I was shocked that I was able to pay the $1,200 ambulance bill; the hospital bill for those three hours looks like it’s going to run around $2,000 and I can actually cover that if I have to -- it beats the $21,000 bill I had a couple years ago).

[samsterham]

The Fuckening, Entry # 1

Despite the novel covid-19 being around for a pretty hot minute now, I have only been self-quarantined about 6 days. There have been several confirmed cases in my county, and today the county had it’s first death.

If it’s not apparent by the title, I’ve decided to officially from here on out refer to this entire debacle as The Fuckening. I will swear. A lot. 

I figure it might be somehow lucrative to record my experiences throughout the pandemic, at least as it is pertinent to my country & area. Aside from broader, more public events, it might be interesting to someday look back on my day to day & how we dealt & felt & what we did. I should have been keeping a diary of my life anyway & had intended to despite never making it a priority. Now is as good a time as any.

Anyhow, I anticipate this being a rather disjointed project, variable in moods, topics, formats, etc. & rife with grammatical errors. I haven’t decided how revealing of my identity & location I would like to be, I suppose that’s something I’ll decide as I go. All I’ll reveal for the moment is I live in the U.S. in Pennsylvania.

Recapping what I can right now:

I’m in about day 6 of self-quarantine. All schools have cancelled regular classes and have gone exclusively online, as has happened pretty much everywhere else. My community college also followed suit along with probably every college & university at this point. I’ve had a little over a week off for faculty & staff to prepare for the shift. Class resumes this upcoming wednesday online for the rest of the semester. Curious to how they’re going to structure & grade our biology lab credits. 

Bars & restaurants have been state-mandated to shut down except for take-out. Now the liquor stores have shut down as well. Somehow the beer distributor down the street is still open however...

Me & K (boyfriend) haven’t gone nuts with preparations, but we did have 1 significant shopping trip before the state officially began recommending social distancing. We got enough non-perishables for several weeks. We’ve made a couple mini trips for things like milk & fresh veggies. 

I also have a few immunocompromised friends who I’ve gone shopping for. I expect to continue doing so as needed. One such friend has a bitch of a rare disease which is frankly on the verge of killing her if she sneezes or coughs too hard. There is so, so much more to it than that, than I dare go into here for privacy reasons but I have spent the last month as one of her actual medical advocates. She is partly the reason I would like to focus my education and eventual clinical research on rare diseases such as hers. Anyhow, despite it being flat out unsafe, she was discharged from the hospital yesterday as my city prepares to get slammed with covid-19 cases.

Both my cats got a stomach bug just 2 days into self-quarantine. It began with Crowley puking, then what looked like bloody emesis & trip to the emergency vet. Sent home with stomach meds & instructions for supportive care before jumping into more than basic testing. He was fine within 36 hours, just in time for Aziraphale to become a little vom-bomb. This lasted for 3 days, with many debates as to when we should finally get her poor little fuzz butt medical attention. She thankfully healed on her own, just as I was about to break down & take her to the vet.

Not to make light of the fact that they were sick, but Zira’s throw-up noise is THE FUNNIEST sound I’ve ever heard in my life. It begins with that usual choppy but also deep guttural *hork hork hork* followed by a very abrupt & very loud  scream “rrRAAHH!” as things made their way up & out. I couldn’t help but kinda lose my shit as I pet her & cleaned up the mess. I’m probably going to hell for this.

Me & K have enjoyed spending more time together during quarantine. We have only had 3 friends over since, all being of our regular weekly crew of Sarah, Greg, & Amanda, & all of who are otherwise self-quarantined. Sarah & Amanda came over last Saturday, Sarah made “Quarantinis,” a goddamn delicious cocktail of vodka, lemon, honey, & crystalized ginger. Us girls & K got quaran-trashed, ate dinner together, played Cards Against Humanity, & watched Waking Ned Devine.

We have been making the FUCK outta some food. This is easily the healthiest we’ve eaten in a long time. Thank God we both can cook.

The weather has been fairly forgiving & the two of us have made efforts to get outside as much as possible while it’s nice. K works from home with some good flexibility & I was fired about a month before corona shit hit the fan. We’re enjoying the local parklette & the humongous cemetery in walking distance from us. 

Yesterday was mostly blustery & rainy, save for a 2 hour break in the weather where it was sunny and around 70 degrees. We trekked through said cemetery. As we were on our way out, we rounded the bend of one of the long paths, along the side of a large grassy hill. From that initial perspective of the hill, there was a large pile of indiscernible objects about halfway up the hill. As we came around, we noticed the pile was next to a grave very freshly covered in dirt. Upon closer inspection it became apparent that the “pile” was actually a man wrapped in blankets, with one arm stretched over the dirt of the grave. On the road at the bottom of the hill was what I assumed to be his car. I don’t know who he was, I don’t know who he lost, but they’re burned into my memory forever. It was one of those sights that breaks your entire heart. I cried a little & held K’s hand a little tighter as we made our way toward the gate. K kissed the top of my head & gave me a loving squeeze.

 I didn’t get fired over anything serious; my chronic migraines plus a personal failure to obtain intermittent FMLA in a timely manner resulted in termination. My bosses didn’t want to let me go, but you can only fight HR of a corporate health system so much. Oh well. I wasn’t happy there anymore anyway. After 3 years I was bored, having trained up as much as possible without my degree. Some toxic personalities made their way onto our floor staff in the last year which made some shifts absolute hell despite my efforts to avoid them & remain utterly professional. Aside from running out of money, I’ve been incredibly relaxed since being let go. I’ve even lost 4 pounds in the last month. My hair is currently a weird ginger-pink, the result of a failed self bleach job, but it’s not entirely embarrassing so I’m going to let it recover before I try it again & go teal.

I never got around to watching Breaking Bad when it was popular, but last night I finally saw the first episode. K has seen it before, it’s one of his favorite tv shows & he’s ecstatic to watch it together. One episode legit got me hooked already. I know the premise of the show & I can’t wait to see how it pans out.

The political fuckery around this has been.... ugh. I wanted to say “staggeringly defunct” but what else is there to be expected from this current administration? I have designed most of my tumblr to be apolitical but that will change with these specific entries. I’m politically outspoken on Facebook & Twitter & I wanted one or two platforms that could just be fun and neutral. My current politics are very leftist, a head-spinning 180 degree turn from my upbringing & early voting habits. The last four years have sent me purposefully, intentionally & determinedly headlong into the progressive movement, feminism, and hunger for democratic socialism. The only conservative thing left about me is my stubborn remaining infatuation with firearms & gratitude for the 2A. Counterintuitively I’m very pro-sensible gun control, but having the discussion with either side of the issue mostly leaves me wanting to knock heads together. 

I digress, the administration’s response to the pandemic has been unsurprisingly subpar, yet somehow not as awful as I expected. Trump went from “not a big deal” & “liberal media hoax” to “oh shit, I actually better get my shit together for this” real quick. I don’t know if it’s because it’s an election year or if there’s actually a shred of competency that’s been hiding under the comb-over but I’ll take what we can get from him, including that $1000 check. Getting unemployment has been a bitch. None of this however, changes the fact that Republicans have known about the crisis since December & instead of preparing the public, decided insider trading was a better idea. This doesn’t change the fact that the DOJ is trying to invoke indefinite detention as a “crisis response” and the only thing standing in the way are House Democrats. And it doesn’t change the fact that our hospital system is overloaded & underfunded, and the Republican controlled government would still rather bail out large corporations as we plunge into an inevitable recession. 

I’ve spent too much energy fighting ignorant shit sticks on the internet over all this, including people I know in real life. I gotta keep remembering that all I can do is my best, that you can’t change the world but you can make a dent. On that note, I finally introduced K to Danny DeVito’s cinematic masterpiece Death To Smoochy.

Today I finished reading Darker Than Amber by John D. MacDonald. Quick, fun read, definitely a product of it's time.

That’s all I have in me for today. My neck hurts. Sleep sweet and WASH YOUR FILTHY PAWS. 

[clockworkmoose]

The saga of this past week:

So a day or two after I put in my two-weeks notice in January (which turned into not-quitting-but-stepping-down-into-a-roll-where-I-only-work-when-I-choose-to-teaching-classes-and-nothing-else-if-I-don’t-want-to) Chaos employee got written up by my manager for unprofessional-ism and tardiness, and in retaliation/reaction, Chaos submitted an ADA request form along with a deposition from a court case that basically read that she was “average” in all tested mental aspects. Chaos felt this was sufficient proof to get an ADA accommodation to arrive late to her shifts and badmouth me, her manager, to customers and other employees.

HR disagreed. 

HR put her on a week of leave to get the ACTUAL forms and doctor notes she needed for an ADA accommodation and to figure out what sort of accommodation she WOULD be getting (I had been giving her a 15 minute window to arrive late for 2 years, I was giving her a schedule a minimum of 4 weeks out in written, texted, and verbal format for 2 years... I don’t know what reasonable accommodation can be made for telling customers that your boss isn’t doing her job properly and that Chaos should be the boss instead.....)

Chaos decided that being asked to provide the legally required documents constituted discrimination and harassment, and quit (Dec. 20th or thereabouts). Put in her 2 weeks, HR said “no that’s okay, don’t come back to the store ever.”

For the rest of the week and a half of my time as manager, I had to pull up records (I keep VERY good records, I like paperwork, I am very good at paperwork is something I learned from this job) basically defending myself from accusations and lies that Chaos kept telling HR. We’re talking she sent 30 emails in 3 days level of crazy. Saying things like that I was stealing money from the customers. I was stealing commissions from my employees. I was favoring one employee over her in terms of scheduling (this was the exact opposite! I was favoring CHAOS LADY because she gave me no choice of when to schedule her except the exact timeblocks she picked, so everyone else had to get slotted around her!)

One of the last emails she sent on Friday (Dec. 31) was the one where she informed HR that I had been changing commission credit from other people to myself, stealing money from Chaos’s paycheck. I wasn’t supposed to see this email, but it was forwarded from HR to my manager, who showed me in a fit of “Oh my god, can you believe this? There is a VISIBLE TO ALL EMPLOYEES record of every change made in the commission report! She could check and see this isn’t true!”

In this email, Chaos strongly suggested to HR that I ought to be fired.

Side note: I never told Chaos that I put in my 2 weeks because she had her meltdown before I had a chance and frankly I didn’t want to at that point.

Saturday, I send out an email to our entire customer base (Chaos included) saying that the store is hiring for a new manager position.

I get a text from Chaos on Sunday morning all full of fake concern that I’ve been fired, saying that she did her best to go to bat for me, say that I was a good manager, and that I was the best for the job. I don’t reply.

On Monday she calls the store and is surprised I answer. I tell her that no, I’m not fired, I quit on my own terms, and am leaving on a good footing. Chaos is surprised, but says she’s happy I wasn’t fired. She sounds the opposite of happy. Later that day is when manager finalized the plan of me not quitting outright, but to work on my own terms. I keep my employee discount, I keep teaching classes I love, win win.

Now, Chaos’s stepmom is a customer with us. And Chaos must’ve told Stepmom that I’ve quit, because stepmom calls the store a little later on concerned that the class she signed up for will be canceled. I reassure her, no, I’m not quitting, I will still be teaching her class. 

On Tuesday, New manager is in the store, her first day fully taking over the manager role. Phone rings, New manager answers it. Chaos is on the line, confused about her stepmom telling her I was still teaching. Didn’t I quit? New manager has been warned that Chaos is not to be calling the store, as per HR, she has to go through them. New manager DOES say that she can’t share information on any employees, past or present, and then that no, she can not tell Chaos when I am working next to schedule a conversation with me (something we do for customers) because I am not on the schedule for that.

On Wednesday, stepmom calls back again, worried AGAIN that I’ve been fired, having heard that I’m not on the schedule from Chaos. I reassure her that technically, I am not on the schedule, because I am not available to be scheduled for a “customer callback” with Chaos. I will be coming in, teaching my entire shift, and then leaving. No time for phone calls. I am still teaching her class, no worries, I have not been fired.

On Sunday, I go in, teach the class with Stepmom. Tell employee/coworker that I will see him on Monday (yesterday). Stepmom must have told Chaos I was going to be working on Monday. What I meant was “I will bring in these teddy bear googly eyes for you on Monday and then go shopping in a different town.” Coworker knew this as per prior conversations.

So Chaos went in to the store yesterday to see me. And was told that I “wasn’t working, was just dropping off some things for the store before I left town.”

So she called the store today, complaining that we were all lying to her about me being fired and skipping town in disgrace. To which new manager was like, what are you talking about, she’s still here, she’s still teaching classes every week this month???

And at this point, Chaos has literally no idea what my status is at the store, we are all accidentally unintentionally contradicting each other and also her own assumptions, and completely fucking with her without meaning to.

And I could call/text her and clear everything up, and when I heard that today it happened YET AGAIN I felt bad...

but after like 30 seconds the feeling passed and I did a nasty mean little giggle and went on with my day. 

[knowyourcoronarights-blog]

I Was Confident My Workplace Was Exposed... My Company Stood Back Quietly

I had been making myself a meal right before heading into work, the pans sizzling on the stove as I listened to music, swaying in my kitchen. I got a call from my boss just as I was about to turn off the heat.

“Allison, I think one of your coworkers is exhibiting symptoms. She isn’t here, but I need you to take her shifts for now. Can you come in early tomorrow and Friday, to cover?”

A million thoughts come rushing into my head, as my food begins to burn. I snap back into reality and hold the phone with my shoulder as I empty vegetables onto a plate. 

“Oh... yeah. I mean of course. Sure. I’ll be there.”

“Thanks. She is talking to her doctor, but they aren’t going to get her tested.”

I end the phone call and walk over to the couch to sit down. So many questions... what kind of symptoms is he referring to? She was fine yesterday... how did something happen to her so quickly? Where did she go recently?

I touch up my makeup in the mirror and start staring blankly at my own reflection. I have to head in... and yet... I sit, unable to move. My heart starts racing, my hands start sweating. I have very little information, but what I do know is my gut instinct has set in. I can feel that knot that forms in your stomach when you make a mistake, or you tell a lie, or you think you may have forgotten to lock the door on the way out. 

“What am I doing? What are any of them doing? They are there, knowing what they know... but why?”

I startle myself with the sound of my own voice, audibly communicating my thoughts, as I pick up my purse and put on my shoes.

I try to blast my favorite songs, in an attempt to shake my thoughts away. Everything could be fine. She could have a cold, the flu... and my boss even suggested she could be just having allergies.

Then the other part of me begins to fight back. If we don’t have any idea as to what this could be... why are we taking a chance? I have a flashback to an elderly customer of ours, a sweet old woman, who looked at me sadly when I took her transaction. What she said after that haunted me for the rest of the day.

“You’re the first person I’ve talked to face-to-face in two weeks.”

My hands begin to shake and my jaw clenches as I consider all of our clients, (many of them friends) and how careful they have been, even with us being behind the glass. There are ones with disabilities, babies, many of those who come to banks these days are over the age of 60. 

“I can’t do this to them.”

I find places that I could turn back to head home but I just keep driving forward, as if I’m no longer in control of my own behavior. I call my husband and frantically tell him everything I know, and everything I’m thinking. 

I get to the parking lot at work, and I glance over to see a coworker sitting in her car, on break. I hang up the phone and approach her.

“I think I have to do something really hard to do. I think this is the end of the line here for me.”

She looks at me with sympathy, and gives me a smile and some sweet sentiments. I smile back, as the wind is hitting my face and my eyes begin to water.

I walk in to find a few colleagues in masks, appearing somber despite not fully being able to see their expressions. A stark contrast considering just yesterday we were playing games together and laughing. My boss is listening intently on the phone, it’s on speaker and he has his door open. My body feels like it’s about to give out, but I stand awkwardly several feet from the doorway, able to hear the words they are exchanging.

“My temperature won’t go down... it just stays at 100.2. I have a headache... I’m tired. The CDC told me to call the hospital... the hospital told me I don’t qualify for a test. I don’t have any other options.”

He says he will check in tomorrow, she hangs up. I look up from where I’m at and he addresses me.

“I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.”

The anger begins to erupt from him immediately.

“Can’t do what? You couldn’t possibly mean...”

“Yes. There is no way I can-”

“We all have been here. Think of how much we are all sacrificing. This isn’t just about you.”

“I can’t look customers in the eyes knowing what I know!”

“Know what? That no matter where they go they might be exposed? It’s not just here.”

“But we know! We know she has symptoms! She’s never going to be tested!”

“We have to be here! You have to be here!”

His voice is screaming at this point, and he’s banging his fists.

“Why don’t you guys fight harder? Why don’t you walk away? This seems criminal!”

“That’s not how life works. You don’t just stop working when you feel like it.”

“I am out of here. I don’t live and die for this company. If you all feel comfortable enough to be here, then be here.”

“We aren’t comfortable! We just have no choice... So you’re quitting? Over this? Right now?”

“If that’s the only option I have, then yes.”

“Fine... no... wait... just think this over. Let me know by tomorrow if you’re serious about this.”

“I’m sorry... I just can’t...”

I bolt out the door, knowing full well everyone was aware of what just happened, likely watching me from the lobby. The drive home felt like a blur, as I’m on the phone with my mom.

I hang up and decide to call my HR department. 

“I’ll spare you the details, but is this true? This is all you have? That I have to quit because I won’t work while there is a person in my office who may have this disease?”

“I’m sorry, but company policy states they have to be confirmed. I’ll have someone give you a call tomorrow if they can think of any further options.”

I sigh to myself and walk upstairs, meeting my husband at home. He has to quarantine since he has been around me, and no one knows what’s going on.

All night I toss and turn. I wake up from a nightmare about quitting, and realize it was a reality. 

At 11:00 am, I get the call.

“We can offer you two weeks of paid leave, as long as you use your paid time off. I’ll send you the form.”

The conversation is short, I thank her and hang up. What just happened... yesterday I have no choice but to quit, today I am getting paid time off? I think to myself about all the possibilities as to why... was it because my boss screamed at me that I had no choice but to quit? Was it the fact that my company did not want me to whistleblow that they keep branches open despite possible exposure? What about the fact that they wouldn’t give me the option to quarantine?

I laugh to myself awkwardly. Okay... so now I have two weeks of paid leave. I try to figure out why I am not more thrilled... why it doesn’t feel like a victory.

“Why did this have to be like that? Why did they force anyone to work through that?”

I picture my coworkers, now extremely short staffed, all standing in the office greeting dozens of people and touching objects they will undoubtedly have to touch.

It took me threatening to quit, to lose everything... and I was the only one who got what I deserved. 

But that doesn’t change anything for the staff... the clients that choose us as a company and trust us to keep them safe... the elderly woman who thinks this is the only safe place she can go in two weeks.

I ultimately decide I have no choice but to quit. Sure, I’ll take my two weeks of pay for the kind gesture they gave me for not taking this further (oops... if they were hoping I would avoid the whistleblowing... far too late) and I’ll quietly let HR know I won’t be returning. There is no point in another screaming match at the branch. Sure, I’ll lose out on a good pair of shoes I had in the bottom drawer of my desk, and a toy spider given to me by a loyal customer. 

Let those be a reminder I was there. I stood up for myself. I couldn’t look anyone in the eyes knowing it could be me who exposed them to coronavirus. It could have been me who killed them. 

This is the reality of how “essential workers” are being treated by their companies in the wake of this virus. We deserve better. Many of us did not sign up to put our lives on the line every day, and may God bless those that do work to save people. But companies forget that workers can’t attend when they are dead. They shouldn’t attend when they are sick. Morality should apply when it comes to the workers who may injure those that pay to keep them going.

I feel sick to my stomach when I think about being jobless in this collapsing economy... unable to apply for unemployment because I will have quit, and not been fired. 

There is always hope in my heart, however. There is hope for anyone I could have come in contact with on the day I decided to walk out that door. We won’t know if my coworker actually has the virus. Hell, I trust that if/when I inevitably also fall ill, that I will not be able to get tested either. In the city of Omaha, the mayor cancelled drive-up screenings due to “traffic issues”. The governor won’t impose a stay-at-home order. 

I have come to terms with the idea I may get this disease...But I will be damned if I was the one who caused someone else to suffer.

I’d risk everything for that.

[earlylunch]

Getting fired during a pandemic:

I was fired 14 minutes ago. I woke up this morning at my usual 9:01 AM alarm from the iPhone hiding somewhere under my pillow or in between blankets. After chugging down espresso with oat milk and turning on the NYT Daily episode about the stimulus bill, I started going through emails in my pajamas. Loans for small businesses. Wow another promotional email from Postmates, what a surprise. Short-term cash for people making under $99k. Bella Bella Shoes asking me to review the shoes I wore at my sister's wedding. I switched over from my personal email to my work email to find a message from my boss about updates to the company considering the Coronavirus pandemic. Didn’t look great. What followed was worse. My VP had canceled our dailly morning meeting and on my phone was a Slack message from the CEO, “Hey Celeste, do you have time to chat this morning?”. My heart started to pound in double-time and my hands got cold and clammy. I had heard of a few people getting fired within the last week, people that I am close to, and I had considered that my position might be at stake. I thought I was just being anxious about it last week when I told some friends I might be next, but I had been absolutely right.

The next 12 minutes went by very slowly, as I was able to send a few texts to my family about potentially being fired today. “Oh no! Let us know.” I put in my headphones connected to my phone, sat in my bed under 3 blankets and waited for the phone to ring. Finally it did and on the other side of the line was my CEO, anxious and tired sounding but able to squeak out a friendly hello as usual. We shortly discussed the craziness we’re living in with both of our voices strained as we knew what was about to happen. Before we could get too far down a small-talk rabbit-hole, he paused to say, “and I have some bad news”. Then I just let him talk. For the first few moments I was stunned and unable to move, just listening to every one of his words waiting for some silver-lining to magically appear mid-sentence. Then I stopped listening and my mind wandered to all of the meetings I had today for this company, all the work I had done in the past few months and in particular the last week or so. He stopped talking and I figured it was my turn to say something. I took a breath, “Well I’m bummed but I understand the situation”. Silence for a few moments.

He wrapped up with apologies and some mention of communications I’d be getting from the head of HR. I do not remember how we said goodbye. I had caught slivers of what he had said in between my spiraling thoughts and anxious predictions of my future. He said it’s harder for VC firms to get stimulus money, that he’d have to break bad news to people all day, that I might get a reoffer sometime in the fall. He was being extremely kind and thoughtful in his cadence, and I realize he is under an insurmountable amount of pressure and pain. Even knowing that, I couldn’t put aside my anger. Couldn’t put it aside because it is not directed at him, but at the fallout of the virus.

I haven’t moved yet from the spot under my blankets. After crying a little bit and texting my parents, I don’t really feel any better. I am graduating from an MBA program in May and this job was going to be everything to me. I was ready to throw myself in, commit everything to this company, because I believe in the mission and the leadership with all my heart. I was ready to move to a better apartment, and have enough money to do the things that I haven’t been able to do since I’ve been in graduate school. Now I have to rethink it all.

I do have to stop myself before going down this spiral of doom and gloom. I am so fortunate to not be in a worse place. I am writing this from the safety of my parents home, which I know I will always be welcome in. Unlike so many workers right now, I’m not worried about taking care of the finances for my family, teaching my kids from home while maintaining a full-time job, or keeping myself healthy while providing medical care to the thousands of people who are extremely sick right now. Even with my own worries, a vulnerable parent with a heart condition, another parent working in the medical field herself, I am in no position to forget about those who have it so much worse than I do.

Now it’s time for me to get out of bed and push through this day. I probably won’t stop crying for a while but eventually I will have to move forward. I hope anyone who has gone through this in the past few days has any advice on how to feel better, how to not feel like the world is falling down around us. I hope someone has figured out how not to feel like you’re being punched in the throat. How not to feel like you're useless and not valuable. How not to feel like you chose the wrong path in life. How not to feel like your goals and dreams in life are now unachievable. I’ll let you know when I figure that out. Please stay safe, stay inside, be smart and we’ll get through this eventually.

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

An X Co. Xmas

12 Days of Christmas OTP Challenge

Day 1: Character A and Character B, sworn enemies, are chosen to prepare the company Christmas Party.

A/N: well this is starting off great im already late on the first day, but i was getting wrecked by uni and wanted to do some research first so please correct me if i made any mistakes concerning Hanukkah! This is actually so long but I had a lot of fun writing it <3 Also i recently started binge watching the office and i just finished my finals which incidentally was for management so here goes!

❄  ❊  ❄  ❊  ❄  ❊

i. an infuriating announcement

"You're shitting me, Ro," you deadpan, already feeling like giving up. "Can't someone else do it? Anyone?!"

"Sorry, the rest of the team already have their assignments for the month, and this is yours— and Peter's."

Being in charge of the big X Company Christmas party is an event you've wanted to take the lead on since you joined this department, but being paired up with none other than Peter Maximoff, makes this the best opportunity and the worst case scenario.  

"But he's an idiotic man-child!" You're not even sure how he made his way up to being part of this project management team. You assume it must have something to do with his father being co-chairman of the company. "Yesterday he ordered fifteen pizzas under my name!"

"To be fair, you did glue all his pens and pencils together last week," she smirks, and lets out a small laugh at the memory. "In any case, the project groups for this month have been divided by aptitudes and experience like they always are, and you two ended up together because everyone else was matched up with other projects. I know you two don't exactly get along the best, but upper management is on my ass and the rest of the team is already totally booked with the hectic holiday season."

"Is there anything you can do?"

"Sorry, babe," she apologizes, and give you a sympathetic lopsided smile.

"What's the use of being best friends with the boss if I can't get sorted with a better partner," you grumble with a playful smile, because you obviously love Ororo, but you're not sure how long you'll last without wanting to do something that might land you in HR.

"If it's any consolation, he's not thrilled about being your partner either."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

ii. an idiotic man-child

"This obviously isn't working out—"

"We can't agree on anything—"

"You two are supposed to be coordinating this event together—" Ororo ducks her head between her hands and exhales out of exasperation as she rubs her temples.

"She locked me in the conference room!"

"He put all my office supplies in Jell-O!"

"You need to stop bickering like children and get your shit together!" She stands from her desk, chiding you and Peter. You both sit in adjacent chairs in front of her and you feel like you're back and school and have landed yourself in the principal's office. "I can't be babysitting you constantly, so you'll just have to pull it together and figure it out before you get kicked off this team!"

You and Peter nod in unison, and then exchange side glares at each other when Ororo is sitting back down. She is an amazing manager, and to be fair you and Peter had spent the last thirty minutes complaining about one another, so it's understandable that her patience is running thin.

She takes a moment to collect herself, smoothing out her skirt and tucking a loose strand of hair back into her tight bun. "As I've told you before, it's too late to add or exchange team members with their assignments this month, but I can give you the intern to help you out."

"Kurt?"

"Yes, I've already sent him a memo and he'll be back in the bullpen waiting for you." With that, she dismisses you, and you walk out of her office with Peter following right behind you.

"I hope you don't plan on nagging the intern to death, wouldn't want to scare the poor kid away," he taunts you, catching up to your quicker walking pace to beside you.

"I hope you can actually do your job for once, so that he won't have to do it for you," you retort, without even glancing his way.

"Chill, princess—"

"We don't all have a boss for a father who will help us float to the top— I had to work my ass off to get here and I'm not going to let you drag me down!" You're fuming, and judging by the slight falter in his usual smirk, you think you might have gone too far.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, and then you see Kurt smiling and waving at both of you from across the room. You offer him an awkward smile and Peter gives him a weak wave, both of you dampened from your exchange.

There's no point in wasting any more time with the fast-approaching deadline, so you turn to him, totally neutral and say, "We have work to do, let's just delegate tasks and check up on each other later."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

iii. an unmethodical arrangement

"Damn it!" Peter shouts from his desk, and you look up at him from your computer, distracted by his sudden outburst. He slams the phone back into place in hanging up, and you raise an eyebrow at him. "That's the third band to cancel," he says, exhaling slowly to calm himself down.

He was in charge of music, and as the project deadline approaches with the holidays, it's getting harder to lock down on services. Even you're having a hard time trying to find a restaurant that's available to cater. You decide to give your tired eyes a rest by closing your monitor and leaning back in your chair, blinking a few times to adjust to more favourable lighting.

You're both exhausted from running around all day, and you already sent the intern home a few hours ago. Furthermore, watching the sun set so early through the widow walls, and always having to work so many hours after dark has been getting really depressing. Despite it being demanding and requiring crazy hours, you do love this job.

"Tell me about it, all the restaurants are long overbooked."

There's a moment where all you hear is the clicking of Peter's fingers gliding over the keyboard and then he speaks up, "My mom is friends with this restaurant owner who owes her a favour." He turns his monitor to show you a simplistic webpage. "It's a small family business, they're not going to be booked because they don't advertise their catering service, and they have a menu that can suit all kinds of food restrictions."

"That's great!" you exclaim, taking note of the restaurant name. "Okay, now we just need to find the music." You let out a low sigh, and pull out your planning binder to hopefully gain some inspiration or answers. This fails you, as you end up merely staring blankly at the flipping pages— that is until you fall on one in particular that could help you out. "Hey Peter," you call out to him, and he stops spinning to face you. "What about Warren?"

"What about Warren?" He asks, curious as to why you're bringing up your old teammate. You worked on a lot of projects with Warren before he got promoted to higher management last year.

"He has a bunch of connections, and he hired this great DJ for one of the big fundraisers last year. Why don't we ask him?"

"That's actually not a bad idea, I'll email him." Peter smiles, scribbling on a sticky note and posting it on his computer screen. "But I'll take care of that tomorrow morning," he thinks out loud. "Can we meet earlier tomorrow morning?"

Glancing at the clock, you wonder why the hell he would want to meet earlier since you two have been working so late. "Why?"

"Hanukkah starts tomorrow," he answers simply. "It's already been approved by management, but we are partners so I just wanna make sure you're cool with it."

"Yeah, that's fine," you reply, giving him a small smile. Honestly, this is the longest you two have gone without bickering, but it actually feels nice to be getting along with him.

"All right, I'm gonna call it quits for tonight," he says, gathering his bag and coat. "I'll see you tomorrow morning, Y/N."

"Have a good night."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

iv. an evening before

Everything since those little speed bumps you hit concerning the music and food has run really smoothly, and you and Peter have been getting along a lot better since that late night in the office. You developed a steady work flow and actually found yourself laughing at some of his lame jokes. Peter was surprised when he realized that he no longer subconsciously rolled his eyes every time you opened your mouth, and he'd feel himself light up when you greeted him in the morning.

"I think everything should be fine," Peter announces, as you check off the items on the task list.

"All the services are on schedule, and the design department is putting the final touches in the hall," Kurt reports, tucking a few stray papers back into his planner.

"All right, then you may be dismissed, we'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning to greet the caterers and waiting staff." Kurt nods, and bids you and Peter a good evening before heading off into the gentle snowfall of NYC. "We finished with an hour to spare," You smile at Peter who loosens his tie as you both gather your things and head out of the building together. "It'll give me extra time to try not to stress out about tomorrow."

Peter chuckles, and nods in agreement to your statement. "I'll be able to go surprise my sister and pick her up from school."

"You have a sister?"

"Yeah, my little sister, Wanda, she's in middle school and hates the school bus."

"I totally understand, the bus is another kind of hell."

He opens his mouth to say goodbye, but then you remember that you had something for him, and you reach into your bag to pull out a present tied up in a pretty satin bow. "Before you go, I have something for you," you say shyly, not sure why you feel a heat creeping up to your cheeks when you notice how charming Peter looks with snowflakes resting delicately on his dark eyelashes.

"What's this for?" He asks, curious about the neatly wrapped box you place in his hands.

"Today is the last day of Hanukkah isn't it?"

"Yeah," he confirms, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

He tears the wrapping off, opens the box, and pulls out the dreidel you put inside. "I'm sorry, it's kind of lame— you probably have a ton of them."

"No, this is really great," he says with a smile, turning the top in his hands to admire the craftsmanship. You happened to walk past a kiosk with handmade dreidels when you had to take a different way home the previous night, and couldn't help but notice how pretty they were. "Thank you, Y/N."

A few seconds pass by awkwardly where you're both smiling, but aren't sure what to do, until Peter leans forward and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. The foreign affection from him is completely new, but surprisingly warm, comfortable, and welcome. You've just let yourself melt into the hug when he breaks off, and it's like you've been snapped out of a daze and left out in the cold. Still feeling slightly disoriented, you wish him a happy Hanukkah, and leave it at that before you make a fool of yourself. You start to head off towards the subway when Peter calls out to you.

"Do you—" He hesitates for a moment, unsure of what he's asking exactly.

"Did you say something?" You turn back around to face him and he stutters for a moment, because the sun shining perfectly on your features with snow falling all around you has him unable to process anything else around him. "Peter?"

"D-Do you want to come? I figure it's better than trying not to stress out at home alone."

Your lips curve up into a smile and you're not even conscious of how much your heart rate has picked up yet. Everything is sorted for the company party tomorrow, and you've discovered that Peter isn't too bad to be around, so what's the harm?

"Sure."

  ❄  ❄  ❄

v. an important night

"Wow—" Peter utters breathlessly, stunned by the sight of you entering the hall. Last time he saw you was less than a half hour ago, and he'd be lying if he were to say that he weren't impressed by your quick transformation. Just moments ago you were running around in your work clothes, with a clipboard and unruly hairs sticking out in all wrong places. Now that the party's started and everything is running smoothly, you seem a lot more calm and managed to fix up your hair and makeup flawlessly. He hadn't seen your dress yet, and even though he thought you were still the prettiest person in the room in your stressed out mess, you're definitely a showstopper now.

"You should wipe the drool off your chin before Y/N notices," Scott smirks at Peter as he walks up to him with Jean on his arm. As if on cue, you notice Peter and your other team members from across the room and wave at the group, a smile gracing your lips that makes Peter weak in the knees. Scott, of course, notices this and feels the need to tease him about it. "If I didn't know how much you two hate each other's guts, I'd think you might actually like each other as more than just archenemies."

"Scott, leave the poor guy alone," Jean chimes in, grinning playfully. "He obviously has it bad."

"You guys don't know what you're talking about." Peter runs a hand through his silver hair that's neatly coiffed for once. "Y/N and I are just partners on this event, and then everything is going to go back to normal," He laughs it off, despite what he just said settling uncomfortably in his mind. Working with you over the last few weeks has brought out the best in both of you; you've been getting along great, even having a couple of inside jokes, and last night he had so much fun. The way your eyes would light up with genuine interest as you listened to his explanations of the rituals, how well you seemed to fit in with his family, and Wanda, she adored you. He found himself frequently gazing at you with a goofy grin on his face, not even realizing he was staring until you'd make eye contact with him, and then he'd get all flustered from being caught.

All this to say that he's very confused about his feelings. He likes the relationship akin to friendship the two of you have developed, but he also feels something more. The thought that makes him more uncomfortable is: what will happen when this is over? Will you just be disbanded and assigned to different projects after? Will you go back to being at each other's throats, will you still be friendly with each other, or will you just never speak again unless you're assigned to the same project again?

"Peter, you need to calm down." Jean interrupts his overthinking, offering him a comforting smile. "Go ask her to dance."

"It's like you read my mind," He shoots her a wink and finishes off his drink before heading off in your direction.

"Hey Peter," You greet him after excusing yourself from a group conversation. "This is going great isn't it?"

"Y-Yeah, it's awesome."

"Who would've known we'd make a half-decent team?" You grin at him playfully, and also notice that he seems a little spaced out. "Are you okay, Maximoff?"

"Do y-you wanna dance?"

"It would be my pleasure," You extend your hand, and he takes it in his larger one, leading you to the dance floor where he slips his other arm around your waist. He starts to guide you is slow circles, feet following the rhythm of the smooth tune. Throughout the course of the song, your bodies get closer to one another, and you hope he can't tell how warm your cheeks are upon realizing this. "Wow, Peter, where'd you learn to dance like this?"

"My, uh, mom made me take lessons when I was younger," he says sheepishly, a blush creeping its way onto his face.

"I'm impressed."

The song ends, and you thank each other for the dance. This is the when you'd normally break apart, but neither of you moves— neither of you wants to. The next song starts to play and you're the only ones not moving on the dance floor.

"You look amazing, by the way," he tells you, and you feel like you're lungs are failing you.

"Thanks, you clean up real nice yourself." Another few seconds go by without anything happening, other than the tension continuously building.

"Well- th-thanks for the dance, a-and being a good partner."

Peter mentally slaps himself as you smile and start to walk off the dance floor. There's obviously something there, why didn't he do anything? Idiot. Just when he thinks he's blown his only chance, you spin on your heel and march back to the spot he hasn't moved from, pull him down by the shoulders to press your lips against his. He barely has time to process what's happening before you pull back, leaving him reeling.

"Whoa," is all he can manage to get out. It was only a few seconds, but your kiss took all the air out of his lungs.

"May I have this dance?" You ask nervously, taking a shot at the dark, hoping he feels the same way you do.

He doesn't say anything else, unable to keep the goofy grin off his face. Instead of speaking, he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his body and leans in for another kiss. His soft lips move against yours gently, and as you let your eyes flutter shut, you feel that same warmth as when he first hugged you the previous night.

When you break apart, neither of you can keep the smiles off your face, and you happily let him lead you in circles on the dance floor.

  ❄  ❄  ❄

vi. an extra scene

Peter hugs you from behind and presses a quick kiss to your cheek before heading to his desk.

"Congrats you two!" You and Peter both jump at Ororo's less-than-subtle entrance. "The party was a hit, and upper management wants to add you to the New Year fundraiser event planning team!"

You both thank her for the opportunity and accept the detail files she hands you.

"Oh, and congrats for the other thing too," She says, gesturing between you and Peter. "You know what that means, right?"

"We get a raise for organizing the party of the year?" Peter half-jokingly suggests.

"Real funny," she chuckles, making her way to her office. "You're going to have to file this with HR, now."

[cherry3point14]

CAN’T GET NO SATISFACTION | CHAPTER 4

DESCRIPTION: You are VP of Sales for a company with stores and major distribution links across the country and your executive assistant, and only real friend, is leaving. A temp is brought in to replace her, on probation, for you try him out. Of course, nobody told you that it was a him, or that his name was Dean Winchester, or that you’d want to try him out.

A/N: This is an office AU basically from this post. Yep, it’s all a setup for that joke.

[Characters: Dean x Reader, OFC, OMC Words: 3,708. Warnings: workplace drama kids, shit hitting the fan, fucking patriarchy]

Ao3 link if you prefer. Series Masterlist

“No. Shit. No.” It was all he heard before he looked up in time to see her head fall into her arms as they rested on the desk. Until this point, he doesn’t think he’s heard her say anything more than ‘heck’ and even that was just one time late after everyone else left. So, for her to be shouting ‘shit’ in the middle of the day, loud enough for him, and he’s sure others, to hear? Well, that’s a problem.

It’s not concern that forces him up from his chair at the sight of her, it’s just, they were supposed to start their meeting five minutes ago. When she hadn’t called him in he was being polite but now maybe he can distract her. That’s all.

He grabs her a drink first, what assistant goes into an appraisal without one? An idiot assistant that’s who. Dean is decidedly not an idiot so it’s with her drink in his hand that he knocks on the glass door like he’s not been dreading hearing what she thinks of him.

“Dean, what are you…?” She looks up at him confused, her question dying on her lips as they form a perfect ‘o’.

He wants to be annoyed that she forgot about him. Frustration is his knee-jerk reaction. Except there are these worry lines on her face that he hasn’t seen before so he doubles his efforts to let his own emotions go with a heavy swallow.

“I’m so sorry Dean, please sit down.” She searches for a minute as she speaks eventually picking up her phone and typing something furiously.

If he’s honest he wouldn’t have minded her postponing this, or canceling it, whatever. He knows she’s not going to let it go. Eventually, he’s going to end up in this situation, the receiving end of one of her meetings. And he’s not scared of her it’s just what she’s going to say that worries him. It’s one thing to think that your maybe your boss thinks you’re too dumb to do your job right, it’s a really shitty ending to his week to actually hear the words. That’s the sort of stuff you can’t just leave at your desk to have a nice weekend.

“Ok. Let’s go.” She says putting her phone down and giving him her full attention. “Why did you come to work here?”

Wow. She’s going straight for it. Her face is totally unreadable while she waits for an answer and he can’t fight the doubt in his gut. Obviously, he tries to bullshit his way out of getting fired at this point.

“Well, I mean. The company has got such a good reputation of-”

“Dean?” Thank god she stopped him because he had no idea where he was taking that sentence.

“Yeah?”

She smiles, the first time he’s seen her smile all day, and it’s more soothing than he knew he needed. “I’m sorry this is my fault. I forgot you haven’t had one of these with me before so I’ll be honest. I’ve never even looked at the template HR sent me. I’m really only looking to have a conversation with you, just be honest with me. It all stays in this room and I swear this isn’t a test.”

He lets out a giant puff of air he didn’t know he’d been holding in and his shoulders drop thankfully. It’s pretty impossible not to smile back at her or be sucked into her pleas for honesty. He lets himself get too comfortable with her so it all tumbles out too easy. So quickly that his brain doesn’t even approve the words.

“I really, really hated temping, getting treated like a thing and passed about for whatever. There was one guy who didn’t even bother to learn my name. He just called me ‘sport’”

She wrinkles her nose as she nods, “that I believe.” He also sees the flash of guilt that breezes across her face then and wonders what it’s for, she’s called him Dean since day one. “I think we’ve all been there, I know I have. How are you liking it here though? I know the hours aren’t great but how are you finding the actual work?”

He struggles to think about the question straight away because he’s distracted by her admission of being a temp herself. He’d forgotten that she didn’t pop up in the world as this put together sales VP that she is. It kind of blows his mind to imagine her running around after someone else getting them lunch and printing out memos but he supposes she had to start somewhere. The pads of his fingers itch like her story is something for him to scratch at. But this meeting isn’t for him to ask about her, as much as he wants to.

“It’s fine, great even. Everyone is great, the work is great. There was a lot to learn but I think I’ve got a handle on it. I guess everything is just-”

“Great?” She finishes his sentence with a grin and he’s not even bothered by being cut off. He should be, would be usually. Except he’s not because she’s joking with him and slowly it’s starting to turn into an actual conversation which means his palms aren't nearly as clammy as they had been then he’d come in.

“I know this question is going to sound like I’m trying to trick you but I promise I’m not. Where do you want to be in five years? Or, should I say, do you know what you want to do?”

He’s too comfortable again. That and he heard her say shit earlier. His answer is so automatic and honest that he doesn’t really have time to censor it, “not a fucking clue.”

His eyes widen the second it slips out and she freezes for way too long.

And then something unexpected happens. She laughs.

He’s heard her laugh before but he’s never been the one making her laugh. Maddy gets it out of her when they have lunch every now and then, and she’s laughed down the phone. This one is for him though, a laugh he’s never heard before. It’s all unexpected and coming from somewhere deep in her belly, and he did that. His embarrassment melts into a relieved chuckle of his own.

“That might be the most honest answer I’ve ever heard.” She manages through the amusement as it dies in her throat. She has to suck in a quick puff of air for how suddenly it had hit her and pride flutters in his chest.

He shrugs, “it’s true I guess. It’s why I put up with temping anyway. I wanted to see what was out there.”

Now there’s something determined on her face. “I’d really love to help you figure it out if you’re ok with that? I think we can put a plan together so you can try your hand at a few things. How does that sound?”

He really hadn’t expected this. He’d almost called in sick today to avoid sitting in this room. And he knows he hasn’t got the feedback part yet but he can’t imagine she’d be offering him this if she didn’t have some modicum of faith in him. She makes it so easy for him to nod gratefully as he answers, “that would be awesome.”

“Y/N?”

You look up from your desk and before you notice the source of your name you see how the lights of the office are brighter against the darkness flooding in the windows. The last time you’d looked up it was daylight. Only after being crushed at having lost half a day to your panic, do you notice Charlie. Not for anything she’s done, but she’s probably the last person you want to see considering today’s various email chains.

You plaster a smile on your face as best you can, trying to maintain your usual light conversation with her, “now I know it’s serious since you’ve come to see me.”

She grins that same loveable grin that she always seems to have for the few people she genuinely enjoys talking to. You’re torn between being pleased she’s still smiling at you like that and thinking that it makes all of this so much harder.

“Word on the street is that you haven’t left this office all day so I figured this was the only way to get some face time.”

Word on the street? You glance at the clock on your computer, 8:45pm, and then you look over at the desk on the other side of the glass where Dean is still sitting. Not without a yawn you notice.

“Come in, take a seat, just give me a second.” You jump up with more fire than you’ve had all day and stand at the door where Charlie had been leaning. “Dean, go home.”

His head whips round to look at you, an argument on his lips no doubt, but you belay it before he has the chance, “call me a car for nine-thirty and then get out of here. Please. It’s Friday night.”

He nods, his curled lips vaguely apologetic even though it’s your fault he’s still sitting there for crying out loud.

“See you Monday.” You order again before shutting the door behind you, he doesn’t need to hear this conversation while he’s going home.

“I’m surprised you’re still talking to me.” You don’t waste any time avoiding the elephant in the room once you and Charlie are alone.

She laughs and you’re genuinely surprised by her attitude, you knew she was pretty laid back but she had to turn the website off five hours ago because the distribution center is out of stock of the top 50 lines. Because of your sale.

“You’re one of the few people around here I actually like talking to, besides, it’s only stock. Nothing wrong with my actual site. Now Doug? Yeah, he might be mad at you.” There’s a playful twinkle in her eye, no one truly likes Doug after all.

You grimace even though you don’t want to, you want to stay calm and collected but he already thought you were public enemy number one before this all happened. “When isn’t he mad at me?”

Charlie sits forward in her chair so that her elbows rest on the edge of your desk and her head sits innocently in her hands, “I only wanted to check you’re ok. I know you’re probably sitting up here blaming yourself-“

“It’s my fault, so yeah. I am.”

She purses her lips and raises an eyebrow for being interrupted, “it could have have happened to anyone. And you’re smart enough to know that at the end of the day we just made money. Yeah, we’ve got some issues to fix but we’re still turning a profit.”

The smile you crack is half appreciative and still half fake. “It didn’t happen to anyone though, it happened to me. Micheal is going to have my ass. He wants to see me when he’s back in next week.”

“Ass?” She can’t stop herself from beaming with a mock affronted tone, “Y/N! Such language in the office!”

Your eyes dart about excessively as you lean in to whisper, “fuck off Charlie.”

It sets you both off and for the first time since the now infamous RE: The Website email chain you feel genuinely lighter. Yes you’d still have to deal with Michael next week and yes you’d be working all day tomorrow to help try and find stock in any of your stores to transfer over, but as you laugh with Charlie you can’t help but think that maybe you have at least one more friend in this company than you previously thought.

Everyone hates the dick that runs off the subway as soon as the doors open, pushing past people and diving through crowds with no consideration for anyone else, like they’re the only one trying to get to work.

Today Dean is that dick.

He’s late, again. While it might be the second time there’s no backup today. No Maddy to cover for him until he arrives. And it’s only 30 minutes but that’s enough that she’ll already be there, wondering where he is and sending out a search party for her goddamn coffee probably. He’s one of the few people that has seen her before her first coffee of the day and he knows how much she needs it. If she’s a little crazy the rest of the time she’s fucking certifiable without caffeine.

It’s kind of deja vu when he arrives. It’s normal that he’s the first person on the floor but it’s still empty when he arrives, the same as his first day. He looks at his watch to confirm and, yep, he’s definitely late and she should definitely be here. His movements are slow and cautious like she’s waiting to pounce attack from somewhere with an empty mug in her hands, except she doesn’t. He makes it all the way to his desk, his messenger bag dropped unceremoniously at his feet and still nothing. It’s only once he logs into his computer with an overhasty sigh that he sees it, a new email at the top of his inbox.  

Got called into an emergency meeting, won’t be back till 9. Cancel my 8am call.

Fuck. He is so fucked. It’s Monday morning and he’s late but worse than that, she’s gone into a two-hour meeting without a drop of caffeine in her system. She didn’t even sign her name, which, she always does. She’s hot on that email etiquette shit even when she’s firing one out from her phone.

He looks down at his bag and wonders if he should even bother being here when she gets back before he remembers that meeting with her on Friday. She’d given him real work to do, she’d made promises to get him experience in other departments, but mostly she’d been normal. Like an actual normal person, halfway to being a friend, and that’s what he’s clinging to. That version of her wouldn’t fire him for being half an hour late. Once the panic subsides he thinks the crazy version wouldn’t either.

Pinging open the meeting room calendar he sees that it’s that dick Doug who’s booked the room and his decision is made right there. There’s no way she’ll survive and he doesn’t intend to leave her to suffer more than necessary. So, he makes her usual, with an extra shot by way of apology, and heads to the elevator. She didn’t say do not disturb or anything and he’ll just knock, take it in and leave. Let Doug hate him, as long as she doesn’t.

The biggest challenge is not spilling hot coffee over himself when the elevator chugs to life and then stops two floors up with an equally bracing shudder, but this is not his first rodeo and Dean has nimble fingers. After surviving the trip knocking on the meeting room door is no problem at all, he doesn’t even hesitate.

“Come in.” It’s muffled by the wood but it’s definitely a male voice that orders him in.

Maybe he would have hesitated if he’s known that the entire VP team was in here. Or maybe he wouldn’t have come faster when he sees the look on Y/N’s face.

They’re all sat like any other meeting except they all seem a little more constipated than normal. And they’re all facing her. She’s sitting there flushed with what looks like shame, her forehead resting in one hand as if she can barely hold her own head up to face them. Dean has no clue what’s going on but he doesn’t like it.

It takes her three seconds to look up and spot him at the door but it feels like three hours. It’s worth the wait anyway because as flustered and broken as she looks staring into the table her face melts when she looks at him. She smiles big and bright and for a moment it reaches all the way to her eyes. And she’s not even looking at the coffee in his hand.

“Sorry, just came to bring you this.” He says to her, ignoring the other men in the room who’s sphincters appeared to have tightened even more at his interruption.  

She nods, “thank you, you’re a lifesaver.” He can tell she means it and he thinks it’s about more than the coffee.

He smiles back at her and then straightens his face out to offer the briefest of acknowledgments to the other VP’s before leaving. He almost doesn’t go back to his desk when he’s out of the room. He considers setting up camp outside just in case she needs him or so he’s there when she gets out because she looks like she needs something, then he remembers that’s ridiculous. She’s his boss and tough as nails at that. Plus it’d probably be a waste of two hours.

When he gets back to their floor he’s surprised to see someone sitting on his desk. Not at it, on it. She turns to him at the sound of his footsteps and beams.

“You must be Dean!”

He knows the voice as soon he hears it since he talks to her at least once a day. Although he had no idea the voice was attached to someone as hot as the woman standing in front of him.

“Sabina?

“Hey Dean,” she draws out his name while she sizes him up, ending with a satisfied grin as she reaches out to shake his hand. “It’s great to finally put a face to the voice.”

It might be half-past seven in the morning but Dean raises an eyebrow like he’s just bumped into her at a bar, “same here. I had no idea what I was missing out on.”

This woman in the short skirt and power jacket, that any other day he might call a boss bitch, giggles and then pouts her lips at him for eliciting the reaction.

“So, where is our boss?” He doesn’t miss the reminder that Sabine isn't his boss.

“Stuck in a meeting, she won’t be back for over an hour.”

Dean not being in the office when she arrived that morning had been disconcerting. Doug calling her within five minutes and summoning her to a meeting had been terrifying. The room itself, the faces and the conversation had been hell on earth. It was, of course, a thinly veiled ambush. An outlet for the other VP’s to vocalise their displeasure at the sheer amount of work her problem would require from all of their teams. Doug’s being the hardest hit. Him already hating you the most. You’re surprised he wasn’t spitting bile by the end.

You want to say it was better once they got it out of their system but that would imply that they stopped with the aggression. Even once you were all talking logistics and solutions they couldn’t hide their frustration. You didn’t even want to think about the eye rolls and mutters when you got up in the front of the room and lead the charge in making a list of tasks and assigning jobs. There was no appeasing them, not even by taking more than you should yourself.

You get it. You messed up. Although that wasn’t really harsh enough, you fucked up. Even if you kind of didn’t. You did the research and even in your worst case scenarios, this being one of them except for the shutting the website down part, the margins weren’t terrible. Yes, there would be a slight knock-on effect for selling that quantity at a sale price but you still sold the stock.

It’s not enough. If you try and point that out, or talk about the fact that you’d still made money they brought it back to the shame of it all. It’s such bad PR. Social media is raking us over the coals. Commercial suicide.

And people say women are dramatic.

Thankfully you’re all out ten minutes early, probably because they all need to go and think up some more insults for later. Regardless you feel like you’re floating when you get back to your floor. Freedom does that to a girl. Other people have started arriving now and Dean is at his desk typing away. He seems surprised when you stop in front of him and his eyes flick to the time in the corner of the screen.

“Sorry. I really don’t have a good excuse. My alarm…”

You hold your hand up with a smile, which is much easier to do out of that room, “it’s fine. You start work two hours earlier than anyone else just to be here for me. Just text me next time?”

He rubs the back of his neck as he agrees but stops as you try to walk away.

“Sabina is here. Well, not here, she went downstairs but she’ll be back at nine. Said she just wanted half an hour?”

You feel yourself perk up a little at this information. Sabina would be incredibly helpful right now and considering her sales area includes fifth, which still has the sale on, she could potentially be bringing you good news.

“That’s actually perfect, can you send her straight in when she gets back please?”

“Sure thing.”

You look at the lock screen of your phone and note the time as you slump into your comfortable chair. You have seven minutes to breathe and try to forget the last two hours. Well, not forget since you have a considerable list of actions points from the meeting, but forget the experience anyway. You have seven minutes to try and expel the embarrassment and failure that clings to you.

Michael isn’t back in town till Thursday so that gives you three days to fix this. If the website isn’t back up before he arrives you will be a thousand percent done here. You’re actually fairly confident that as long as the site is back up then you’ll be fine. But if you’ve made the mess and not cleaned it up? That would be a cause for concern. 

Continue to Chapter Five

5eva tags: @divadinag @darthdeziewok @fluentinfiction @assassinofmasyaf Dean babes: @thewinchesterchronicles  Story tags: @mannls @22sarah08