#bopofitsall

[thinfatfit]

[matt-joseph-diaz-blog]

I’m so disappointed in what’s happening with mainstream body positivity.

There’s almost no way this won’t sound at least partly like the ravings of a twenty-something who’s salty that their instagram following seems to be in decline, but I want you to stick with me here.

I’ve been a part of the body positive movement for a few years now. After going viral in 2015 for making a video where I revealed the excess skin I had from losing nearly 300 pounds, I became a writer, public speaker and social media advocate for the importance of positive body image.

I’ve spoken at colleges and conferences all over the country, written pieces for multiple websites, met body positive advocates far more famous than me, and even spoke at an event for Seventeen Magazine at instagram headquarters.

Now, I need to make this clear: I still believe in the tenants and ideals of body positivity; more than ever in fact. What worries me is the direction the bopo movement is taking in the pursuit of public acceptance.

Like most radical ideologies that go mainstream, it had to be introduced in a more “approachable” form.

So this is something that really can’t be helped. When introducing an idea that completely opposes long held societal beliefs, you really have no choice other than to introduce it in a way “average people (typically meaning the type of person so unaffected by the issue that they have no knowledge of it)” will find palatable.

Obviously I’m writing pretty off-the-cuff here so I’m reaching for examples, but ones that come to mind are stuff like the original debut of Queer Eye, Will & Grace and RuPaul painting specific pictures of the queer community while introducing them as something the Straights™️ could be mostly comfortable with.

Rarely is this a conscious decision. Mainstream society lifts up the individuals and causes it finds different and powerful without being too challenging. Try and force the world to accept something too different, and it becomes offensive.

So what does this look like in the body positive movement?

I remember working at one of the biggest photo retouching companies in NYC during the early 2010s, when we first discovered that one of our clients, Aerie, would no longer be retouching the models in their lingerie ads.

This is indisputably a wonderful thing, and I hope it has inspired other companies to do the same thing. But while Aerie chose to forgo retouching its plus sized supermodels, they were, in fact, supermodels. The net was cast a bit wider, but these plus sized models still checked off a lot of the boxes we associate with the problematic societal beauty standard: all cis women, all “conventionally attractive,” and nearly entirely white.

This is what concerns me.

As someone who follows and is followed by a lot of prominent members of the bopo movement my instagram suggestions are littered with bopo accounts with hundreds of thousands of followers; and time and time again these popular accounts are professional models, cis, white, female and almost entirely plus sized by definition of how it’s seen in pop culture: meaning mostly thin with hips and breasts and ass.

Now, these bodies are just as valid as any other and deserve their time in the sun and to be celebrated. That isn’t up for debate. However, what appears to be happening is that an idea started as a a radical breaking of chains imposed on us by society has been morphed by popular culture into a shift of what we see as “acceptable.”

Basically, what started out as an attempt to dissolve the beauty standard has been turned into merely changing what the beauty standard is. That’s a problem.

There are so few men in the body positive movement.

There are a lot of reasons for this: Beauty standards are by and large more imposing and pressuring for women than men, toxic masculinity doesn’t allow for the vulnerability necessary to be part of the bopo movement, etc. However, if roughly half the population doesn’t step the fuck up and garner attention when they do, a massive aspect of the movement is never going to be acknowledged.

At the end of 2015 I was named one of the top 7 men to follow in the body positive movement by the wonderful Jes Baker, when I’d been an advocate for less than 9 months. Whenever I mention this I always joke that “it was a top 7 because they couldn’t find 10 men involved in the movement,” and it always rings a little true.

The body positive movement in mainstream media is overwhelmingly white.

...I really don’t have a great answer for this. There’s a lot of fucking white people, and if there’s one thing white people love, it’s other white people.

That isn’t for lack of trying, either. The bopo movement is rife with POCs that are celebrating their bodies and trying to empower others, but they get nowhere near the attention of the overwhelming number of whites. The racism inherent in our beauty standards already continue to hold true when moving into the bopo movement.

As a male-presenting latinx in the body positive movement, I don’t know if I’ve ever met another member of the community with even my low degree of online attention that checks both those boxes.

The trans/nb community mostly lacks representation in bopo as well.

This is similar to the issue of non-whiteness in body positivity. We already underrepresent those who aren’t cis in mainstream media, and when we do it’s either to commend how you can’t clearl tell that they aren’t cis, or to celebrate how “brave they are” for celebrating their own beauty despite how freakish society may continue to believe they look.

“Plus-sized” vs Fatness in bopo.

I’ve touched on this a bit already, but in the pursuit of making body positivity approachable it feels like “body positive” has come to mean “curvy, but definitely not fat” in a way that’s as toxic as it is ridiculous.

There have been times when I and people who have reached out to me have told me that they don’t feel like they fit into the body positive movement because they aren’t curvy enough. Body positivity doesn’t mean “hips, chest, but no stomach” in the way it’s so disproportionately portrayed, and “fat” isn’t a dirty word. Curvy people deserve to be body positive, and so do fat people, thin people, and everyone else on the spectrum.

That’s kind of the entire fucking point. You deserve to feel confident in your body, no matter what form it takes.

So, what do we do about it?

In early 2017, I was invited to visit Instagram headquarters to speak on a panel for the National Eating Disorder Association and Seventeen Magazine about the importance of body diversity. I was a last minute addition- I wasn’t invited until the week before the event.

It was a really cool opportunity and I was so honored to be a part of it. However, of the five people in the panel, I was the only one who wasn’t a mostly thin, white, cis woman.

A panel on the importance of body diversity. Five thin pretty white women and me, 6’5” lumbering queer male presenting nonbinary giant, Matt Diaz.

...I...

...fucking...

...what?

During the panel I was asked what I think is the most important thing we can do for the sake of body diversity. There was a group of college students that were invited to the event sitting in the front two row, and they were entirely people of color. And I know there’s no way I was this poetic off the cuff, but I remember saying something akin to:

“Stop waiting for someone to make you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. Be who you are, and force the rest of the world to catch up.”

Nobody is going to suddenly decide that we’re worth seeing. You’re basically going to have to drag people kicking and screaming into accepting you, and that fight has to become a key aspect of who you are.

If you plan on waiting until you see a prevalent body positive Instagram or tumblr user who looks like you before you express your own body positivity, you’re going to be waiting for the rest of your life.

Be that inspiration for someone else. Tell the world that you’re here and demand to be seen. Embrace and celebrate the people you see who deviate from the norm; promote them, talk about them, reblog them, and tell them how proud you are of them.

This is definitely starting to sound like I’m just trying to promote my own Instagram and shit (@mattjosephdiaz) but in all honesty, I don’t care if you don’t decide to follow me. I just want to leave you with something it took me too long to understand.

Your success in the body positive movement will never be about how many followers you get, or how many people tell you that you’ve changed their lives. Your success in this movement comes from learning to love yourself in every form you might take.

Sometimes, the only persons life you change is your own, and that’s more than enough.

[butterychaoticduck]

Life is about having fun with yourself,enjoying the pure moments of happiness, being an amazing person who can love even the little things like bright colored balloons. a few years ago i could have never taken pictures with such a carefree attitude, now i see myself as a piece of art, every shape and every bump, worthy of space in this planet. It still have allot to learn about self love, but that’s ok, i only hope we can all one day strive for the peacefulness in our minds and not the perfection of our bodies

[cigarettes-and-celery]

I am fatphobic

You are not a hero for being fat, you are not a role model for being fat. Body positivity comes when you treat your body right, not when you wear a crop top or shorts. Being a healthy weight isn't privilege, it's effort and moderation. In order to love yourself, you must take care of yourself; be in control of your body. It is true that you're hurting someone by wearing a bikini while 300lbs+, you're hurting yourself. You can't say you are a role model if you can't even live healthy.

[peachycleaneating-blog1]

It’s really hard for me to work out and eat healthy but it can’t hurt to try. Using this picture as a reference point .

[swim-inside-the-skin]

Comfortable in my own skin

I always thought that despite all the body positivity on the internet I would never be able to accept and love my body. And I still have a lot of problems with the way my body looks BUT I've been feeling super comfortable walking around on my panties and showing my butt and my legs at the school dressing room. It's the first time in a long long time that I'm a bit comfortable in my own skin.

[ashesjourney-blog]

ED Recovery Road.  Persistence Day 1 of attempt #4.

Please help. I am here for support, and encouragement, or at least a safe place to vent.  I seek inspiration and I hope to (again) be able to inspire others.  

I love metaphors so if you can deal with my cheesy metaphors I will be most grateful if you choose to continue to read on, and even stick around as I experiment with tumblr to assist with my recovery.

16 years now?  (closer to 18 but I minus two years because I stuck with recovery twice, each for about a years time span!  Diagnosed with Bulimia but with phases of restriction, I’ve been up and down the mountain of recovery now and man was I aware that I was making a choice to relapse the last time.  I was aware that I would ruin the hard work, a full year of reprogramming thought patterns, finding alternate more positive beliefs, challenging myself, exposing myself to fears and facing so many situations that would normally send me into hiding, numbing self and avoiding avoiding avoiding.  

So when I chose to relapse I was aware of how far I came, and all because of a broken heart I chose to ignore the months and months of smiley faces on my calendar marking each day I had gone without purging and many many successful binge free days.  Meal planning, healthy eating, even a garden full of beautiful veggies that I tended to with love each day…Made choice after choice quite consciously aware that these choices would hinder and set back my progress.  

Somehow I woke up and had lost some weight and I hadn’t realized it but when i did notice, it sent me back into the spiral of wanting to lose more. (familiar cycles).  I got out the triggering scale that I was hiding since recovery and stood back on it, marking the decline of my mental health.  6 months ago (ish) I was diagnosed ADHD (which was so obvious to me since I was a kid) but suprising to me I was also referred to my first psychiatrist (a crisis one, so it was my one and only psych) and was the diagnosed with mild Bi-polar, and possibly borderline and schitzotypal personality disorder, put on 3 different meds and sent on my merry way.

All this stemmed from me asking for help regarding both my eating disorder and my tendency to binge drink and smoke weed every day, I was apparently put on a waiting list or something for a treatment centre that does dual diagnosis but every time I bug my doctor about it she seems concerned looks it up, sends another email and months later i still don’t hear back… She did however present this medication that helps with both binge eating and ADHD.  So i went home and googled it and came up with a lot of controversy along with warnings that it is dangerous for those with eating disorders as it makes you energetic and you lose your appetite for long periods of time and then gain a bunch of weight back after you are off it.  Sad and shameful to admit I got all excited and told the doctor I’m down to try it without looking too eager.  sorry doc, you haven’t done your research have you…  So now with the assistance of my poor concerned doctor I regularly abuse these meds and now am currently down to the lowest weight I’ve ever been.  I’m looking for inspiration to help entice me to get off the triggering med which I will not mention the name of.  I have attempted to wean myself off but still with the intention of getting the next prescription filled “just in case”.  

Anyway I won’t give my life story, not even my ED story because man do I ever have a lot I could share about that!  Hopefully if I can find like minded individuals I would love to be able to share some great tips to keeping up a successful recovery.  (You know, if you don’t intentionally CHOOSE to throw it away lol). Sharing my knowledge about recovery will get me to focus on those positive tips and may actually inspire me to continue to attempt the things that have already worked so well for me in the past.  Damn why must I be so stubborn?  Ah that was a negative thought!  challenge time! alternate belief?  I am strong willed, which means I have the ability to assert myself. There, that statement feels better than self labeling as stubborn.  

Either way, each day is a new beginning, and each moment is a new opportunity to learn, to make changes, and to grow.  To become more self aware, mindful and allow ourselves to embrace the inner child rather than push her(or him) further down into the darkness of self inflicted suffering.

[scarlettheharlot]

First day of #bopofitsall ! Day One: #unflatteryourself. Thankyou again to @cupcakethighs and @fatshionbythepounds for this challenge! #whoyouare #BOPO #chooselifewarrior #ImTrying #Journey #SlayTheSlate #LoveYourBody #PoleFitness #NoTNoShade #IfYouCantLoveYourselfHowInTheHellYouGonnaLoveSomebodyElse #BodyPositive #BodyPositivity #BDD #BodyConfidence #BodyDysmorphicDisorderRecovery #BDDRecovery #EDRecovery #ProRecovery #EDFam #EDWarrior #EDSoldier #EDFighter #BodyPositiveQuotes #Quotes

[matt-joseph-diaz-blog]

People don’t tell you that your body may never truly and completely feel like it’s yours; that regardless of how many positive affirmations or self care days you grant yourself, your body might always feel owned by the cultural and societal norms that tell you that you can’t be beautiful without being what they want. That’s okay. There is a fight going on within you that starts anew every morning, a fight to treat your body and heart gently and with kindness, and some days we lose that fight. That’s okay also. What’s important is that you get back up and fight again tomorrow. There are never days when I don’t need to consciously remind myself that I’m beautiful despite the scars that mar my body. I never fail to notice the spots of numbness when a loved one runs their fingers across my skin, reminding me that I’ve been pulled apart and pieces back together in unnatural ways. There will always be times I sit shirtless in the sun and watch as parents purposefully keep their children from staring at the tear across my back, and I will always feel guilty about the fact that it hurts a little. I promise that no one will blame you for the days you don’t have the strength to fight, too tired from the long nights spent wishing this were easier. But I hope with all my heart that you stand back up and fight again when you are ready, because you’re never more beautiful than when your head is held high and your feet are on the ground.

[butterychaoticduck]

take pride in your tiger stripes. they represent everything you have been through in life, they may not be beautiful in your eyes, but they do not make you ugly or invalid. showing them off  only empowers you further, and maybe one day you will be at peace with your body

[faintest-first-starlight]

#BoPoFitsAll Day Seven: No Makeup Selfie (Ft. my Soul Sister Emily) I had a wonderful tea date with my soul sister where we talked about everything under the sun, including how 80's horror is often better than modern horror. I am so thankful for her 💖😍 #SoulSisters #BestFriends

[saratheswan]

I've been #inspired to do the body positivity challenge because we could all use the #encouragement and #camaraderie. Yesterday was day 1 #nomakeup, easy cause i rarely do it, but difficult for many who wear it often. #bopofitsall

[fithack]

✨✨ #bopofitsall update ✨✨ Day 2: #takeupspace I have this complex about being small. It goes beyond my weight on a scale and extends to things like my height, my hair, and my feet. I'm not that small. I wish I was smaller. But in this post, I will be unafraid to take up and fill space; allowing my body the same freedoms as I allow my personality. I am noticeable, I am remarkable, I am bold! Day 3: #fatterirl This is a really tough one. I fully recognize that I have thin privilege and I need to do my part in recognizing more people who don't. I come from a family of people who do not share the same privileges as I. I became a trainer so that I could be a safe space for people from families like mine to learn how to move their bodies outside of weight loss. I do have my "fat days" and my clothes that create rolls that I sometimes feel uncomfortable with, and the thing that gets me the most is: my bloating. It is so painful (a result of my own eating choices that don't do me any favours) and it really hurts the way I see myself in the mirror. I'm not fat and separately, that shouldn't be associated with a bad feeling because there is so much more to life than that. Day 4: #celebrateyourcellulite I am really excited about this! I love showing my clients my cellulite because it's so important to me to normalize it. Some people have more than me, some have less. But here you have it: my legs with ripples like the river and I'm just glad that I got to celebrate that with a failed lift. Neither of which I am upset about! 💪🏽

[scarlettheharlot]

Getting on board with this! Just starting to find my feet amidst the #BOPO community! Already feeling so very different in myself and my body. #bopofitsall #chooselifewarrior #Pdfloorwork #PoleDancer #Beginner #leedspoledance #ImTrying #Journey #SlayTheSlate #LoveYourBody #PoleFitness #NoTNoShade #IfYouCantLoveYourselfHowInTheHellYouGonnaLoveSomebodyElse #BodyPositive #BodyPositivity #BDD #BodyConfidence #BodyDysmorphicDisorderRecovery #BDDRecovery #EDRecovery #ProRecovery #EDFam #EDWarrior #EDSoldier #EDFighter