Happy National Blame Someone Else Day!
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mr. krab's first dime
Mammon's first grimm
Mammon freaks out one day and goes rampaging around the house, screaming about his grimm being stolen. He tears apart his room, the common spaces, and is making his way towards Leviathan's room next. That nerd is always nagging Mammon to pay him back, clearly he must have stolen it.
You try to calm Mammon down. Maybe he misplaced it? Maybe he spent it and forgot? Mammon says he would never spend it - that's his first grimm. The first hard-earned cash he ever made. It's special.
He's about to punt Levi's door into oblivion when you grab him and he stumbles and this somehow falls out of his pocket.
"My first grimm! Oh Grimmy, I'll never lose you again!"
"That's a grimm?"
"The Great Mammon's been in business for a long time."
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it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.
i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.
it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.
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Idk if I've said this before but I feel like the bi to aro/ace pipeline wouldn't be half as common as it is if asexuality and aromanticism weren't forgotten all the time when it comes to discussing sexuality. I think it's funny to joke about it and seeing how it's something that so many people experience has definetly been helpful in making me feel less alone but sometimes I think about how I would have known I was aro and ace much sooner if I knew more about these identities like I did about bisexuality
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so anyway whipping boy au where the Guard earned their reputation as hardasses that never have fun and take great umbrage with people who try to get them to relax the rules
who hold themselves to absolute perfectionist standards and WILL turn on a GAR brother if they try to fuck with the Guard
and some shiny/GAR transplant who doesn't take the rules seriously and insults some senator and don't get why the rest of the Guard give them the cold shoulder and why the commanders look at them with distaste and anger and pity
but then they're summoned to the chancellor's office and they're stubbornly ready to face their punishment
except it's the chancellor and the senator and it's commander fox stripped down to the waist, kneeling on the ground with a blank expression that nevertheless curves in sad understanding when he sees them, when the red guards pin them in place and the smug asshole bastard senator picks up a whip
because when a Guard fucks up it isn't them that's punished
it's fox
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Interesting how some of the most common gender specific insults for males (“son of a b*tch” and “bastard”) place blame at least in part on a parent, but gendered insults towards women (“c*nt,” “wh*re,” “sl*t,” “b*tch”) have nothing to do with anyone else except the woman on the receiving end of the insult
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abusers when they're cruel and unjust to you: well Life Isn't Fair, you better get used to it! You better learn how to deal with it sooner than later!
abusers when life is even slightly unfair to them: throw blame left and right, demand for everyone to go above and beyond to get them Justice and Fairness, claim themselves the Biggest Victim of the Entire World, never let it go, take it out on everyone else, never attempts to find a way to deal with it
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Something about how quickly and firmly Keeley told Jamie this wasn't his fault when he first started apologizing, and how Jamie persisted and in being like no, it is my fault, I need to tell you this, I need to explain. How genuine and honest he was with her (the part about how he thought Keeley and Roy only started dating to mess with him or get back at him was so loaded) and how desperately Keeley launched her arms around him.
Basically, I think both of them really, really needed that hug. And you can tell they both care about each so freaking much.
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Louis' "You're boring!" Could mean so many things, but I think what's most apparent about that line is that Armand takes no initiative just for himself. He's not really anybody, because he never goes out and finds himself or gets attached to anyone but Louis. Without Louis as his guide he's literally just sitting on a couch picking lint! That's the thing.
He orbits constantly around what would make Louis happy, and never really fully going what would make me happy? Ultimately that drive to please Louis is what drives him to torturing Daniel, not so much that he'd care to just do it. Ultimately, not giving proper care to Louis is just a way to make sure Louis knows he has to orbit around him as well, with shoving Lestat onto him just that other nail on the coffin. So, even if he fails to figure out how to make Louis happy with him, he still knows what Armand is good for, and better than.
That dependency is what drives Armand's abuse. It really just comes down to that. Armand doesn't even realize how suffocated he is by his own dependency. This is just how life is to him. (It shouldn't be lost either that dependency is a theme considering this episode also deals with addiction).
Daniel's fascinating because he's just so driven to be somebody. He's largely independent, he seeks things because he wants them. It's his drug to poke and prod at all the things that he shouldn't. Daniel's exciting because he lets Louis in to something different, lets him in to all this potential in another person that he can also do the same with for himself. It's a real connection. A two way street. It's easy to tell how Armand can be smothering then because he's never introducing him to anything really new, and most the ways both of them connect are all painful and traumatic. It's never just fun because there's always that layer of that pain. Fun died with Claudia.
50 years on they've gotten to a lot better place, both of them, but it's still that same shit. No seriously, "How is this any different from last time, Louis?"
Well... Because Armand's going to be, at the very least, making one [1] decision only for himself - and that's to hold power over Daniel's life. Fucking sick foreshadowing.
They aren't driving each other to the brink anymore but "The vampire is bored" STILL. Maybe it's even worse, despite being in better places, because Louis' sort of just been defeated by it. (I mean, can he even really leave this either?). He's accepting the dependancy cause he kind of has to. He'd literally ended up letting all the enjoyment be up where he can't reach [The book shelves]. Armand so desperately wants Louis happiness but what really ends up happening is that Louis ends up having to give Armand all his own. He's got no one or anything else to get it from. But like an iPad and an over the top eating ritual. Two extremes of what's just more lint picking.
This whole relationship is one I find just tragic inside and out. You have to just pity it, really. There's ways in which you can find yourself feeling bad for both of them. But you can only really be mad at Armand for any of it. Armand, who isn't even 'free' in any sense, having so little concept of his own independence, but is at the same time so controlling over other's. It's a tragic cycle. It's an infuriating one.
Louis at least has the mind to know when enough is enough. If just needing that extra push to get there. Armand's too scared of it being over to even try.
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