#blame it on my exhaustion
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“any regrets? anything you’d do differently?”
eddie knows the interviewer is just doing her job, probably doesn’t even realize that’s the worst question she could ask. but the guys tense and the air gets thick and something shifts inside eddie’s chest.
“it’s been two years and i still haven’t apologized.”
the interviewer doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, but she doesn’t need to. he’s not gonna explain more than that and he doesn’t care if people make their own connections and excuses.
maybe steve will hear it. maybe robin will. maybe dustin will convince steve to call him.
or maybe he was cryptic for nothing and steve will keep ignoring his calls. he used to think his timing sucked until mike let it slip that he lets all calls go to his answering machine to avoid picking up when eddie calls him.
eddie only calls on bad nights, if he’s drunk or high, or sometimes on the nights that could only be better if steve was by his side. eddie calls most nights.
the interview is done and eddie is being whisked away, getting berated by their publicist about his answer to a question that can never have a good one. the guys are pretending not to listen, but failing. eddie loves them for trying.
the next interview, he stays quiet, at least as much as he can get away with. he fakes a smile, a laugh, whatever it takes to seem like he didn’t just admit that he fucked up on live television.
they get to sleep in their own beds tonight, but tomorrow is the start of their radio show tour to promote their album. it’ll be two weeks long, hitting the major stations daily until they’ve answered all the hard hitting questions like if gareth snores or if they ever find time to eat healthy on tour.
but his bed is his least favorite place to sleep, and no amount of tossing and turning is gonna give him what he needs.
so he calls steve.
“harrington’s house, you’ve reached the harrington who actually lives here.”
eddie’s so shocked that steve answered he barely even registers his words.
“hello?” steve’s voice turns serious. “anyone there?”
“stevie?”
eddie shouldn’t have started with that, but he wasn’t in control of his body anymore.
steve hangs up.
somehow it’s worse than if he hadn’t answered at all.
but eddie is fine. he is.
he’s gonna close his eyes and go to sleep and maybe not dream about dying or fucking up the only good thing he ever had.
his phone rings and he’s almost certain he’s dreaming already.
“hello?”
“sorry i panicked.”
steve’s voice is like a reverb in an arena, sending chills down eddie’s arms.
“you’re not the only one.”
“but…you called me.”
“because you never answer.”
“so why call? if i’m never gonna answer.”
“because if you do answer, i can hear your voice.”
steve sits with that answer for a minute before he speaks.
“dustin played me the interview.”
“yeah.”
“was it me? was i your regret?”
how could steve think that? how could the man who saved his life ever believe he was anything less than a gift? in no universe would eddie regret steve.
“no. my regret is making you ever think that you could be a mistake.”
eddie should end it there, let steve marinate with that. he knows no amount of apologies will actually help, but he could give it a try anyway.
“i’m sorry i left when you needed me. i’m sorry i was selfish and chose to get out and leave you behind. and i’m sorry none of my sorries even matter because it’s too late.”
for a minute—yes, eddie counts— there’s silence. and then there’s a small shuffling sound and eddie’s almost sure that steve’s gonna hang up.
instead, steve sounds like he’s holding back tears when he speaks.
“are you gonna come back?”
eddie can’t. he can’t just put a pause on the band or any of their plans. it’s not fair to the guys or the fans or himself.
but he can do something he should’ve done two years ago.
“will you come with me?”
the question hangs in the air for what feels like forever. steve may say no. that’s part of why eddie didn’t even ask the first time. but he may say-
“yes.”
“you will?”
“on one condition.”
“anything.”
“you stop trying to forget all the bad parts. the bad parts sucked, but they brought us together. running from them means running from me. at least hold my hand so i can run with you.”
eddie thinks maybe he could write a song about that.
and he thinks he’d like to hold steve’s hand while he does.
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#drabble#angst with a happy ending#yall blame berries because im reading sweet surrender and the angst is causing problems in my head#and also just being so exhausted lmao#rock star eddie munson
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The narilamb demons possessed me and I had to exorcise them via drawing them kissing or I wouldn’t be able to sleep
#narilamb#cotl narilamb#cult of the lamb#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#cotl fanart#cotl#cult of the lamb fanart#my art#i am so eepy#but I had to get this out of my brain#if something is off im blaming it on the exhaustion
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Hot cocoa on a rainy day
A little something to bring me back into drawing a little more
#gravity falls#stanford pines#gravity falls fanart#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddauthor#them#huge shout-out to my friends who requested me to draw this#i gotta stop blaming mental exhaustion for not drawing anything
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A healthy dose of stalker Geto thoughts
a/n: FYI, thats the result if you lock me up in an empty room with my laptop and a playlist full of mareux, NIN and MSI. At least I got a newfound love for Closer now bc some years ago a fic ruined the song for me lmao
Before you ask, yes, I have mental problems. But likes and reblogs are still appreciated <33
wc: 1919
cw: geto is fucking delulu, online stalking, serial murder, poisoning, dismemberment, geto cooks his blood into a meal, implied bondage, kidnapping, reader was abused, corruption, reader is forced to torture and kill their abuser, gore
credits: nakatsuji sakutaro for one of my fave geto fanarts ever <33, my dearest @notveryrussian for proofreading, my criminal pedagogy teacher for some interesting details about organized criminals lol and arone_cosplay on tiktok bc his scream au cosplay was the sole inspiration when I started writing
The dark content is heavy with this one so there's nothing wrong if you won't interact with this post! If my horror enthusiast bestie says that this shit is scary, believe them. Minors are gonna get kicked, obviously.
He’s definitely not that “Joe Goldberg from You” type of stalker. He despises the guy, he watches that show to have a laugh. It’s his form of disaster tourism. Geto is almost the antithesis of Joe. I was a big fan of the first season of You so let me elaborate. Joe has a savior complex and he latches onto any conventionally attractive rich woman in his proximity and tries to mold them into his ideal type (which is vulnerable, dependent, innocent, and forgiving) and when shit hits the fan he becomes a whiney little bitch saying stuff like “aww, but I did this all for you :cc” because he’s in complete denial about his crimes and psychopathic nature. Geto is the opposite, and what makes him so fucking scary is that he doesn’t need to convince himself that his actions are right. He knows he’s right.
Also, he won’t put on a fucking cap and go out on the streets to stalk you. That’s just a dumb decision, he has a job to do, and it’s easy to recognize him. But that doesn’t mean that he won’t do it in his spare time, from a comfortable distance. He only needs one of your socials and digs up every little detail about you. Your entire lore. Pictures shared by your relatives when you were just a little kid, he tracks your friends’ accounts (he wants to make sure that you’re surrounded by the right people), all the locations, cafés, restaurants you share on your instagram highlights, your celebrity crushes, all the playlists you made on spotify, everything. He gets to know you before you’re even aware of his existence, you’re an open book to him before he talks to you. It’s so easy to get a feel of your essence in the online space, use the tremendous information to his advantage, surprise you, win you over with his fake thoughtfulness.
"Aw, you’re so sweet, how did you know?"
"Lucky guess."
Yeah, a lucky guess, he just scrolled your twitter until 4 am to reach your first ever post.
The easiest way to understand how his mind works is to look at his MBTI type and I’ll try to hold myself back to not flood you all with my everlasting love for Jungian psychology and cognitive functions. INTJs are meticulous, skeptical, analytical, practical, everything is centered around a bigger, more complex system, a spiderweb of thoughts. Their subjective ideals and values have the utmost importance. They get lost in the details sometimes, but they manage to prioritize creativity and rationality in their actions and thought process. So, if we want to pick a category among murderers, he’d definitely belong into a mission oriented type (canon is my only proof for this). He couldn’t care less about money, power, or satisfying his needs for control. He’s the personification of punishment in his mind.
Evil is petty, he is petty, but not so much to just deal with every single nuisance in the shape of a person (looking at Joe again lol). He won’t go after the Karens at your workplace or the shitty classmates who just wanted their name on your assignment without any contribution. If he kills, he must kill for a valid reason and does it brilliantly. Calm and level-headed, organized, devoid of anger or any intense emotion. He makes awful lot of preparations for a kill. He studies the victim just like he studies with you. Their schedule, relationships, habits, social media presence. He’d rather arrange the scene to give the impression of an accident. Mixing cleaning products, fucking around with the heating system and letting them die of carbon monoxide poisoning or a house fire (an easy kill if the victim smokes). He rarely lets himself get carried away and get all bloody and gorey because he knows how much effort he must put into disposing of the body. But he does feel like a god during the process. That he rules over life and death. That he has the divine right to decide who should be removed from existence.
The only slightly risky thing he allows himself, is to put his earphones in and call you up while dismembering a corpse. Good thing that his grandma has no use for that big ass meat grinder, a literal jackpot for getting rid of the bodies. His voice is soothing, so sweet you can turn into a blushing and giggling mess, but you can still hear the loud chopping noises as he severs the body parts right at the joints. He shrugs it off that he’s just meal prepping.
You believe him, you don’t question him further. But he does cook a delicious meal just for you and sends it to your workplace. And you have absolutely no idea that he was thinking about cutting up the ingredients with the same knife he killed his victim with. Luckily, he changed his mind. You don’t deserve to have any remnants of a lowlife in your system. But the idea was nice, just like how modern witches tie their favorite person to them. There’s something ritualistic about blood consumption in his mind that he can’t explain. Hopefully, a few drops of his own didn’t ruin the meal. At least you weren’t complaining about the metallic taste. He doesn’t mind he has to live off on two cans of Monster because he pulled an all-nighter. You’re falling head over heels for him so it’s worth the suffering.
The only thing that makes his heart ache is that as your relationship develops, he must use you to forge his alibis. He immediately copied the keys to your apartment, without your knowledge of course. Sometimes he drops by when you’re absent, goes through your stuff, sniffs around, looking for trinkets. He comes over specifically when he plans to kill his next victim. Sneaks out in the middle of the night, kills them, then goes back to your place and crawls back next to you. And he’s as silent as a cat, as a phantom, as a ghost.
He’s a fucked up man in every aspect. You think he’s too hyper fixated on restraints and bondage. He’s far too keen to spend an excruciatingly long time arranging the rope in an aesthetically pleasing way, or have the gag’s and blindfold’s colors match perfectly. His creativity and imagination are running wild when you’re the rigger. You almost question his sanity when he asks you to use cable ties and masking tape on him. What does he want? To feel tortured? Deep down he’s fascinated with the feelings a potential victim might experience. A taste of distress, vulnerability, helplessness that he usually has no chance to feel, yet he’s thrilled about it. You still won’t suspect a thing, everybody’s got a weird kink or two that they can’t explain, right?
He knows that one day, you’ll discover his secret. That he can’t hide it forever and even though he justifies his vile actions by giving it a noble cause, he must earn your forgiveness. He deliberately kept those who hurt you mostly alive. Whether it’s a bully, the shittiest ex known to mankind, or an abusive parent. He knows he has no right to kill them. But he can bring them to your basement, gagged and tied up. The best birthday gift ever is to let you have your revenge, right? Or maybe he just wants somebody as irredeemable as him, like he’s undeserving of anything nice in life so he must break it, tarnish it, ruin it. The world is a such a cruel place for kind spirits, he feels the need to corrupt them. Bring them down to his level.
He lined up a bunch of tools, a wooden bat, scissors, knives, razor blades, a hatchet, a hammer. He transformed the basement into a makeshift rage room. You don’t dare to cry, run, or scream at him, the person before your eyes makes you freeze completely, your features are distorted in dread. An old response got triggered, your nervous system remembers those years, you’re flooded with memories. You feel yourself regressing back to the victim you once were and that’s the process that Geto wants to stop once and for all. It’s so strange that you find safety in his presence and his firm hold above your elbows. He’s looming over you like a shadow, a shroud. Like the devil on your shoulder. Cooing in your ear to pick up something and have fun, let your rage cloud your mind, make them relive your pain. Don’t worry about a single thing because he will do all the clean-up. And you have no idea why, but you accept.
It’s strangely comforting. You feel in control, all-powerful, accomplished. It feels better than it should. It feels so right but it shouldn’t. There’s no guilt in you, only endorphins running rampant in your veins. The dopamine rush enslaves you, fills your brain with white noise. The pain does fade a little or something just irrevocably breaks in you. Maybe you’re just as fucked up as him and you managed to bury it in the deepest corner of your psyche. All bottled up for years like the most exquisite French wine, chained just like a beast but now it’s freed. Your reward is a bloody pile of flesh and guts that once was a person, and utter devotion gleaming in Geto’s eyes.
Your consciousness gets clearer, you notice the sensation of being drenched in blood and sweat when the realization hits you that there’s no going back. Now, you’re sticked together for life. You know his dirty little secret and now you’ve forged your own that he can blackmail you with if you ever want to get away from him. But why would you do that? You’re everything he needs and he’s all you have.
#i wanna write something kind and sweet after this one#this fic took a toll on me#i should blame the way i write povs#its kinda close to method acting but in writing lol#i try to think in character digging down in the deepest parts of their mind their pov is my pov#i literally warp my thoughts to get them right so you can guess how exhausting it is mentally to think and feel like such a character#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#suguru geto x reader#the new fic im writing is a copjaku fic lol very kind and sweet indeed /s#jjk#geto suguru x reader#jjk headcanons#meesa writes
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being so completely honest when i say this, but if you have a job, you should be showing up. it’s fine to call out every once in a while, but if you’re going two and half months hardly doing the full 8 show week because your role is “just so taxing” then you either find a way to make it sustainable or you take accountability and say that you need an alternate because you can’t do the show 8 times a week. everyone in the show has called out but no one has called out as much as brody has and in a professional theatre environment, you have to be a professional, take accountability for your actions, and respect the production, which includes showing up for your job. when jordan fisher was in dear evan hansen and sweeney todd, he called out all the time and guess what? when he got to hadestown he got his act together because he didn’t want poor attendance to be a part of his reputation. it doesn’t matter how talented brody is, if he’s gonna be in a broadway show, he needs to show up and take accountability for his actions.
okay? i don’t think it’s his call to make trevor an alternate. and agan, what’s with the sudden influx of brody hate in my inbox? yall know im a fan of him. of the musical. why do you send me shit like this? and what do you mean “he held accountable for his actions”? what actions are so dire that he has to “be held accountable” for? listening to his body? knowing that if his body says he can’t do a show then he can’t do a show? and he’s been in the show for a good fifteen productions in a row and he took one break and did another fifteen days or so. i’d say a break is well deserved. and plenty of actors take breaks. just because he happens to call out more doesn’t mean anything. and may i remind you that he’s being thrown around, he’s doing this all on the equivalent of an obstacle course, he does a while fight in the rain scene, the fire stunt, the dancing, the taxing of his voice is a lot. So yeah. I’d expect him to be out more and again, HIS ABSENCES ARE NO ONES BUSINESS! I don’t know why people only hold Brody to gunpoint over being absent like yeah, i get he calls out more, but he doesn’t make the call about an alternate. That’s out of his control. To even insinuate that is beyond idiotic.
And him and Jordan are completely different people. To compare them is unfair. and we don’t know if the reason Jordan is taking less absences is because he e”doesn’t want that in his record”-like honestly? Ponyboy is a much more taxing role than Orpheus because Orpheus at least has some downtime and while there is a lot more dancing in Hadestown, there’s also a lot more physical action in the rumble and the fire stunt and the rain sequence and whatnot.
i don’t know what it is with anons in my inbox and thinking they’re entitled to say what brody is doing in taking breaks when needed is wrong. you don’t know why he’s out and it’s not your business why he’s out. everyone is entitled to their off days. try playing pony boy for an eight week show and then you can talk shit. he’s allowed to take breaks and the fact you’re insinuating he can’t makes me believe you’re just being an entitled prick. he could very well be sick or just taking a well deserved break. and the whole “being held accountable” thing is bullshit. he’s not doing anything wrong in putting his own needs first. if he feels he can’t do the show at 100% then he can’t do the show. and i commend him for that.
idk what it is with all these people staying on anon either like if you can’t even say this without needing anonymity to cover your tracks you shouldn’t be sending this to me.
#i have yet to find a positive message about him in my inbox#why am i the one everyone sends brody hate to lmao? like i get i defend him a lot but it’s exhausting after a while#my arguments weren’t as clear this time im sorry but im so sick of reiterating the same shit#this message is beyond entitled and brody is allowed to take as menu absences as he needs#he doesn’t make the call about needing an alternate either because i believe that’s up to the show#you can’t blame him for everything#and you know i’m a fan of his so why send me anonymous hate of a media you know i enjoy?#don’t interact with the media or the person if yku hate it that much#you’ll be a lot happier if you jsut quit interacting with media you dislike#alaska’s asks#brody grant
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Itachi and the Uchiha Massacre
This might be one of the most controversial posts I’ll ever make.
I find myself very undecided about how I feel about Itachi’s role in the Uchiha massacre. It fills me with the same moral indecision and disgust of the trauma olympics (aka the comparing of “who had it worse”). Every time I try to come to a consensus, I immediately doubt my conclusion and question whether I’m giving Itachi too much of the benefit of the doubt or I’m not taking his circumstances into account enough. It’s like asking if him being a child outweighs him killing children. And that makes me uncomfortable.
On the one hand, he did something very very very bad. He killed an entire clan of people, including who knows how many innocent civilians and children. He then proceeded to psychologically torture his seven year old brother with the memories of him doing so. Prior to being met with this specific conundrum, I would’ve said without hesitation that this is a black-and-white situation with Itachi being solidly in the wrong. Even if he wasn’t the only perpetrator, he still would deserve much of the blame for being one of the executors of such an abhorrent act.
I cannot stress enough how terrible the massacre would’ve been in practice.
However, and this is where I might lose a few of you, as more information is revealed, one question nags at my entire fucking central nervous system. How much of a choice did Itachi really have?
To understand the full circumstances, first you have to understand that the context falls under two categories: who Itachi is (and his perspective) and what position he was in when he made the decision he did. First, who he is:
Itachi grew up in a militaristic village that normalizes violence, especially violence being used to solve problems.
This village has also normalized putting the village’s survival over oneself and one’s friends/family.
He was alive to see the very end of the third shinobi war and the nine tails attack, two events that have solidified his belief that war is the worst thing ever and should be prevented at all costs.
Hiruzen, Danzo, Kakashi, and Shisui encourage his belief that war should be avoided at any and all costs. Three of them are authority figures (see the Milgram experiment for why that’s relevant) and one of them is his first and only best friend.
He is a very introverted and closed off person. He’s so closed off that not even his immediate family can read him. Because of this, his inner circle is very small (meaning he has a very small support network).
He grew up with a strict, authoritarian father and entered the anbu at a young age, meaning he grew up being expected/pressured to obey those in positions of power without asking questions.
He’s an introvert who’s scared of conflict and keeps his head down.
Second, his actual position when he was told to kill his clan (I might be missing some, so feel free to add any others you remember.):
He was thirteen. That is a child in grade 8. That is the age of most genin.
Tensions between his family and village are implied to have been rising for a while and are now at the point that, for whatever reason, negotiation is deemed impossible.
Tensions are so high that if the village doesn’t act soon, the Uchiha’s coup will spark an all out civil war.
The Uchiha clan has little to no chance of winning the conflict and will likely have most (if not all) of its members killed in it. Plus, the conflict would’ve also resulted in many casualties on Konoha’s side as well, including civilians, children, and shinobi who had nothing to do with what was happening.
Tensions between him and his father are extremely high as well with the two of them being implied to regularly argue.
His best friend, possibly only friend, died by jumping off of a cliff in front of him after giving him one of his eyes and left the responsibility of handling the entire situation to him.
He’s being suspected for the murder of said best friend (and was flat out accused of it in front of his younger brother by three adult police officers) and is suspected as being more loyal to the village than to his clan, making him even more of an outcast to his clan.
He's aware that his best friend was attacked and mutilated by Danzo, one of the village leaders and his superior. If he wants any action taken against Danzo, he’ll have to fight a solo, uphill battle against all of the village leaders and risk losing all sway over the Uchiha situation (which would still be a ticking time bomb) in the process.
If he doesn’t want to fight a two sided war or lose what little power he has in the situation, his safest option is to follow orders while pushing for a plan where casualties are minimized.
Did Itachi have other options? Yes, I’m not gonna pretend that genocide was Itachi’s only choice. But a lot of people seem to forget how difficult or flawed a lot of his alternatives would have actually been in practice.
For example, I’ve seen a lot of people throw around the idea of Itachi just grabbing Sasuke and leaving the village. First of all, the massacre still would’ve happened, Itachi and Sasuke just wouldn’t have been there for it. Second, Itachi would’ve had to remove Sasuke from the village without being caught by the village or the Uchiha clan when he was under the scrutiny of both. Itachi is a good shinobi, but I don’t know if he’s that good. Third, how would he even get Sasuke to go along with him? Itachi may not have been close to his clan, but Sasuke loved his clan. Yes, Sasuke also loved Itachi, but it’s a pretty big stretch to say that seven-year-old Sasuke would’ve just gone along with it, especially when he wouldn’t have been able to understand the true scale of the situation. (Itachi would pretty much have to kidnap Sasuke for this plan to work.) Fourth (and similarly), people don’t tend to like uprooting their entire lives to leave the home they grew up in, even in emergency situations or when it’s the objectively better/safer option. Itachi and Sasuke, who were both raised to be “lay down their lives” loyal to their home, would’ve been especially averse to this idea. Fifth, even if they got over all of that and got out of the village, Itachi would have to raise his younger brother alone at thirteen years old while being on the run from a world power with no protection in a world where they’re at risk of being killed or getting the attention of creeps like Orochimaru simply for having kekkei genkai. It’s not like Itachi had outside contacts (beside Obito but Obito would not have helped them even if Itachi trusted him enough to trust Sasuke’s life to him) or there was a benevolent nation to take them in. Even if they managed to one day settle into a peaceful life, it would’ve taken years of fighting to survive before they’d have gotten there. Cool fanfic idea, but making Itachi slightly more innocent isn’t a solution.
The idea that Itachi should’ve just told the Uchiha clan what was going on and got help from them is similarly short sighted. The Uchiha clan were the victims in this situation, but they weren’t perfect angels either. Itachi was not close to, or particularly well liked by, his clan. Save for Shisui (who is theoretically dead in this scenario) and Sasuke, he had no emotional connection to the clan, only vague respect and a waning sense of responsibility towards it. And even if he did go to them, Itachi telling them what was happening would’ve just sparked a civil war, the one thing Itachi was desperate to avoid and the thing that would’ve gotten them all killed.
So…
What was the point of all this?
I’ll admit that I hoped typing out my thoughts would somehow end in me settling on an opinion, but right now I’m still just as undecided and significantly more depressed. Because, like, it’s just a depressing, shitty situation where there were victims and perpetrators and Itachi who just so happened to be both. Maybe trying to ask if Itachi is either “good” or “evil” is asking the wrong question. Maybe the entire discussion about how moral Itachi is as a person or all of the other choices he could’ve made is missing the point.
#itachi uchiha#the Itachi morality conundrum#this should replace the trolly problem because OH MY GOD-#a looooong#rambling#i wrote this over the course of two days#naruto shippuden#naruto#the Uchiha massacre#the uchiha clan#discussing the morality within Naruto is exhausting#naruto analysis#character analysis#analysis#my stooff#I know that in the end Konoha is the greatest perpetrator and is to blame#But I thought ending this with that conclusion would be lame and miss the entire point of having this discussion#Though I guess how this ended isn’t all that much better
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I'm not a good person - Pat 'The Bunny' Schneeweis // Letters to Felice - Franz Kafka // Alone in a crowd - Dennis Wells // I'm broke, most friendless and I've wasted my whole life - Heather Havrilesky // Jealousy, jealousy - Olivia Rodrigo // unknown // Talking to myself - Yohji Yamamoto // Last one up - Paul Oxborough // A self-portrait in letters - Anne Sexton // Henrikaau
#vent posting? on my sideblog? it's more likely than you think#anyway things have not been great lately (again)#as you could probably glean from this#where's the post that talks about how people will eventually become sick of you#when whatever is wrong with you goes on for longer than they can handle#because that's the flavor of the day#not that i blame them#i am exhausting to be around and i'm well aware of it#i know this episode will pass and i'll go back to feeling like i do most of the time#web weaving#quotes#literature#aesthetic#on self loathing and inadequacy#art#excerpts#fragments#dark academia
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Tribbles Reference Sheets/Pages/Whatever-these-are~
✨HEIGHTS✨
⬇️me yapping about theses goofs⬇️
I did a touch of a redesign for some minor features. Their matching patches got altered to look a little cleaner and go along with how I made Houi’s wing patches; also changed their pants’ bagginess levels (?) and how I want to draw their collars~ their hair got some “redesigning” from the first time I posted about them (put in “” bc I pretty much changed their hairstyles immediately after making that first post •_•) all in all, just really proud of how these came out and can’t wait to make more outfits for them (because I’ve already got some ideaaaaassss>:))
heights note/other neighbor references:
Tibbers is the tallest of the three, being roughly Eddie's height
Mitt is between Frank and Julie/Sally (grouped together as they were mentioned to be about the same height) heights
Houi is in the height range of Wally, Sally, and Julie but is closer to Wally but is slightly taller (gotta keep Wally the smallest~)
#good lord im tired#these took way too long#i blame…. idk work making my exhausted???#who knows I SURE DONT#welcome home#welcome home clown illustrations#welcome home puppet show#welcome home character#welcome home oc#welcome home oc reference sheets#reference sheet#oc ref sheet#oc artwork#artists on tumblr#digital art#digital illustration
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It is genuinely so hard for me to socialize and keep up with people nowadays. I remind myself that people do in fact actually want me in their lives but then I have to hype myself up for ages to insert myself into my friends' spaces and minds. Things I used to enjoy and do daily that take forever to even start because of anxiety. The amount of people I used to talk to daily that I haven't even spoken to in months. I tell myself that I know I have a place in my loved ones' lives, I just can't bring myself to fill it. Out of fear that I'll be rejected or fear that I'll be a nuisance, I don't know. I need to stop being scared all the time. I want to stop the constant self-doubt and anxiety because even I'm sick of it, and I know it'll take baby steps to get comfortable again. I just. Idk. I just wish there was some kind of hard reset button on my brain.
I want a place in my own life again. I want a place in my own life again!!!
#I miss my friends so much and I feel so isolated from them and I feel like I have nobody to blame for that but myself.#even though it feels like I've been trying SO fucking hard#I feel like there is no place. that I'm kind of just waiting for there to be one when I'm the one who has to make it myself.#I remind myself that it's actually very normal to message people like 'hey it's been a while how have you been??'#<- and that most of the time that will be met with positive reactions and delight#it's just. god it's so fucking exhausting. I want a place in my own life again.#vent post
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every time i see a post that is like "ughh why cant we have aspec characters who aren't aroace for once" I have to do a double take like "is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?" because genuinely....where is all this aroace rep y'all are complaining about? Why cant i find it yet it's apparently the only aspec rep we get?? You admit that TV never says the word aromantic so where is the aroace rep. So far I've pretty much only seen canonically asexual characters and not much else buddy.
#text#half the time i think these ppl see other aspec ppl saying that x character feels aroace and then they take it as canon rep#instead of an interpretation of the character which likely was never meant to be written as aspec at all#because majority of people don't even know what that is#this isn't me saying that we shouldn't have aroallo or alloace rep btw#this is me complaining about people throwing aroace ppl under the bus because apparently we are 'hogging' all the representation in media#and it just reads as people being aphobic towards aroace people specifically and it drives me insane#you can ask for more aroallo and alloace characters without complaining and shitting on aroace characters????#like bro we are all on the same fucking team. we are all trying to get seen and understood. we all want to see ourselves in media#stop fighting like one of us is somehow way more privileged than the other because 'you have x rep'#we all have crumbs my guy. just because someone else is getting crumbs doesn't mean that its your crumbs being taken.#idk i see so many posts like this and it makes me feel so unwelcome in the aro and ace communities#im tired of aroace people being used as a scapegoat that you can target to pretend like you're punching up#when in reality you're just committing friendly fire against people who are on your team#i miss when the aro and ace communities used to like... work together as a big aspec community#now ppl r way too focused on separating them and acting like they have nothing in common and don't have the same goals#and both communities now tend to put a lot of blame onto aroace people because of stereotypes we never had control over in the first place#it's exhausting#like the aphobia is coming from inside the house#i didn't go through the ace discourse on tumblr to deal with this shit.
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I find it so ironically funny when hardcore Debbie defenders use the defense that she was just a victimised teenage girl (agreed) and then proceed to slander Fiona and express their hatred for her character and lack of sympathy
as if being an adult magically absolves an individual of the horrifying trauma that precedes them and screws up their mentality and actions
funnily enough these people get mad at others for "expecting Debbie to be an innocent angel and hating on her for acting out as a result of trauma" (also agreed, debbie does deserve more sympathy, she can't be expected to grow up to be a perfect saint when she's been through so much) yet seem to hold Fiona to the same unattainable standards and put her on a pedestal as if she wasnt a child that was forced to intensely grow up while never actually being raised
like lets put this into perspective and remember that fiona grew up surrounded by corrupt morals and insanely screwed up behaviour yet still emerged as messed up, yes, but surprisingly good considering the situation she was in??? she had to navigate basic things such as morals and being a good, responsible person on her own. imagine how difficult it must be to lead a bunch of kids, including yourself, with no previous role model or good example of your own to follow. most of the time, she always tried to do what she thought was best and would have the most desirable outcome
#listen a lot of the time debbie defenders make good points#is debbie my favourite? no but she does deserve more sympathy#im really unserious on here and ive made some dumb meaningless jokes but at the heart of it i have sympathy for debbie#so no its not the debbie defense i have an issue with#its the way these people claim to be#1 understanders of shameless women and their complexity#top defenders#including of the women who have said and done worse than/just as bad as fiona#and then proceed to spew all this vitriolic lack of sympathy regarding fionas character#they always talk about fiona making the choice to be their legal guardian#as if the situation wasnt complex and 1) she felt pushed into an inescapable corner#2) that doesnt change the fact that she'd have strong feelings about her baby sister choosing to have a whole baby???#she claimed legal guardianship over HER siblings she did not foresee any other children being added to the mix#so yes she went about it harshly at times when she made debbie raise franny independently#but its not surprising considering her exhausted life?? her history as a TEENAGE GIRL and CHILD of raising kids???#there are actual mothers who'd be worse about this situation and fiona wasnt trying to be nasty#it was tough love and it could've been shown in better ways#and im not putting all the blame on debbie cause she was so young and vulnerable#but at the end of the day she made a choice and fiona was trying to help her understand the importance of consequences to your choice#and navigating adulthood when you choose to behave like one#of course debbie was often put in situations where she felt like she had to be a grown up and that is not her fault#but its not fionas either. theyre all just trying to survive. and fiona tried her damn hardest to preserve debbies childhood#so how do you think she'll react realistically to the whiplash of debbie purposefully getting pregnant#ultimately theres a lot of complexity and flaws and nuance to these situations and i find it weird when people criticise#others for putting so much blame on debbie#and then do the same to fiona as if shes not a victimised product of her environment too#you can show sympathy to debbie while understanding Fiona too and being critical in a mature#nuanced way#im not being a hater to anyone btw im just sharing some thoughts and letting it out. all im saying is#most of the shameless women deserve sympathy and understanding and its strange to deny fiona of that
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Party (group) party (celebratory)! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Gyrados#Ninetales#Sableye#Ampharos#Banette#Politoed#Pikachu#The lot! Mostly my SoulSilver guys but a kind of general mishmash of nostalgia and aiming-fors#Even tho I played Yellow when I was quite a bit younger I never beat it or got particularly attached to my 'mon and ended up selling it#Mistake I know blame the folly of youth lol#So I really consider Soul Silver as my ''first'' game - though I beat X before SS pfft just can't make it simple eh!#But I got veryyy attached to my SSteam <3 It's fun to watch them grow in the photo album! Can see most of them as babies :D#I ended up with a Vulpix named Beauty since Ninetales is my favourite Pokemon <3 I knew she'd grow into a beauty! Thusly named#And a Magikarp that I thought would be ironically funny to name Beast because well - y'know lol#Did not even occur to me Once that they'd be Beauty and Beast haha - the reasoning is so strongly connected it just didn't register!#They're a fun duo :) Fire and Water Fish and Fox hehe <3 Cute lads!#Group of four was speculations about building a really ideal team for me - Mareep Line Obviously and Ninetales goes without saying#Sableye is another really obvious one lol I love Sableye so muuuuchhhh aghhh <3 <3#Banette wouldn't exactly fill in many gaps but I've always leaned more towards Ghost and Psychic types#The Politoed doodles were just for funsies tho lol I really can't decide on a Water type I like that I haven't already exhausted!#They're silly little frog guys which I do enjoy haha#Probably not my personal pick but I like them :)#The aforementioned Yellow playthrough had me with a Pikachu I named Sparks which I then wrote fanfic about haha#Baby's first fanfic and fanart were both Pokemon! I have no idea where it'd be now as it was in a notebook but I remember the gist at least#Thought it'd be nice to bring him back to visit <3#And then some silly ones for myself lol what's a good trainer pose!#I think they're all silly lol but I do like the middle one :D#I'd love a Pokeball shirt like that! All the Pokemon things pls and thank you!
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Sometimes I forget I have a vastly different perspective on the world than most people and it always throws me for a loop... Well today I saw this story summary of "X character gets eternal life but WHOOPS youth doesn't come with it so she'll keep aging until she's a living skeleton, I guess she has to do something about it"
And let me tell you I was SHOCKED I was SCANDALISED because my friend group- a bunch of aroace necromantic gremlins who couldn't figure out what "hot" meant so we decided skeletons were the definition- aren't the majority population on this one, and not everyone wants to be a hot skeleton
#is this clear?#probably not but im exhausted and my head hurts#i blame it on tlt#tlt#the locked tomb#necromancer#necromancy#skeletons#aroace#aromantic#asexual
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in all my feelings again about publicity n overwatch. the sheer marketing aspect of it. covers of magazines, cartoons, interviews, random civilians grilling them. they're heroes, they're not politicians or bureaucrats. leaders in their fields and dressed in the overwatch blues.
#i have this very specific instance in my head of one of those big fancy fundraising galas where they invite the bigwigs#ambassadors. presidents. royalties. etc etc etc#get good and drunk and keep catching Lena who's in an uncomfortable dress that their costume department insisted on#and she's overstimulated n pissed off and there's one of the ambassadors or sm just touching the accelerator#putting his hand in it. laughing at the tv static feeling it gives him#and lena's just getting more and more uncomfortable until finally someone calls her away n saves her#just having to play nice#lena blames the marketing/pr department for a lot of this - she signed up to be a hero and they're insistent on making her look good#it's *exhausting*#one day I'll write this out more#I'm gonna try to reply to some stuff on my phone before I eep for the night#gn!!!#( ooc. )#ask to tag#also blizz gimme the cartoons god damn it i wanna see my girl
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💕
#oh my gosh hi guys#can u believe it im alive#i just had the most embarrassing break down in the shower lmao#im blaming it on being exhausted from having way too fucking much to do lately#and also on not getting off in like a month#but the wedding is finally over with and im out of the busy period at work for now#so hopefully i can fucking breathe for a second#text#mine
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#tko_art#it feels like i'm drowning#but i must take it day by day#my wrist hurts so bad even though I do be doing them wrist exercises#i think it's just how my tablet is set uppppppp#thought about thistle hair tips#It feels like i'm being yanked around and i'm just so exhausted#and it just feels like so much pretending so much going thru the motions trying not to go insane#dont look at the hands#dont blame the body proportions on me bro that's the ref at work#i'm just so tired#i am my own biggest hater#all the things are adding up and I can't keep up#blegh#can't die bro i gotta outlive one piece#i gotta finish one piece
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