#blah blah parental love

[arevolutionapproaches]

It is easier

“You hurt me.”

I say with a sad smile.

And you reel back in horror and deny it adamantly,

Because what you hear is:

“You don’t love me.”

And that’s not true is it?

You’ve loved me to the best of your ability.

And I say with a sad smile once again:

“It's okay, I love you too.”

As I clutch my bleeding chest,

Because isn’t that easier,

Than trying to ask you:

“Can you love me different?”

“Can you love me gentler”

“Can you love me honestly?”

But maybe I can’t blame you for that last one,

Because I love you like a liar too.

Because isn’t that easier,

Than admitting that loving each other is killing pieces of the other,

That they’ll never get back

By R.B.M

[fischiee]

forget sister being the co-parent to junior. tex does it for the simple reason of church hates it with a burning passion

[kaisollisto]

“Are you here?" Ava barely breathes it, there's a tension in the air that she can't recognize, an energy that squashes her. Her throat feels scratchy and she can feel the Halo slotted between her shoulders. Ava's flat on her back head turned to look over at Beatrice. She feels wimpy like a stomped flower, her left arm dangles dangerously close to Beatrice-territory. She wants to reach out, to touch Beatrice to confirm that she's here but something stops her. She feels so silly, she could easily shift over to touch Beatrice, shake her gently and - 

Beatrice slides over, a firm sleepy sister warrior knife wielding badass with frumpy hair poofing from what remains of her low bun. She moves towards Ava, inches away from her but moves to answer her. It’s rare for Ava to see her like this. Beatrice is clearly fighting sleep, rubbing her eyes and doing her best to move in hopes that it’ll shake the sleepy spell. 

She’s dressed in one of Ava’s ugly loose white shirts, a huge bass clashing with faded big blocky lettering that just reads “FISH”. Beatrice had looked at her weirdly when Ava had dug it out of the bins at a thrift store disheveled and ecstatic. 

Ava had spent hours coaxing her into it doing her damn best to hide Beatrice’s laundry when she wasn’t looking. It fills a warm feeling in her chest and Ava wants to burrow further into it. It was a fool proof plan. 

Ava found her shortness made it exhausting to reach up towards the Beatrice-level-cabinets. The halo pulls at her pinching and knotting up the muscles in her back after a long day of training. She feels it alive within her, an uncomfortable reminder sealed inside her back. 

At the end of the day Ava settled on hinging at the waist. She had slowly started integrating Beatrice’s sleep shirts in cabinets that Beatrice had to bend down to reach. Ava always tried to situate herself at the scene of the crime doing her best to seem inconspicuous while she leaned over hungry for Beatrice’s reaction. Ava thumbed her findings down in the recess of her mind, her finger tracing over it in a hurried desperation. The time would pass and she did not want to forget. 

(It helped, the imagery of Bea’s furrow when she would find her sleepwear underneath the sink when Ava would have to tuck her spine into the halo as she placed the shirt somewhere clean.) 

Thanks to her genius planning Beatrice had finally caved and worn Ava’s huge “FISH” t-shirt after weeks of her persistence. She looked adorable, she was drowning in it and constantly tugging at it. She had found Beatrice loved to tuck it into the band of her sleep shorts creating puffy funny creases distorting the text even further to say “FSH”. It looked so ugly and old and endearing. 

She looked out of her depth and it made Ava’s heart thump funny. Beatrice with her weird posh mannerisms combined with the peaceful unguarded look when she slumbered made her feel hot all over. 

It was the prospect of the future, a glimpse into her life with Beatrice, of when they would grow old together. It shakes her, the idea that Beatrice will get wrinkles with her. She takes it seriously, a study that she isn’t well versed in but preparing for. It is a long hard internal debate flipping between what wrinkles will show first. Ava selfishly hopes it’s smile lines, that Beatrice will smile at her as much as she does in secret. She’s happy to be wrong, Beatrice’s forehead crinkles have always been cute. She hopes that Beatrice never stops looking at her, thinking of her. She wants to spend a long time being the source of her wrinkles. And just for right now she can handle the role of being just her friend. 

Beatrice blinks one eye open, the other pressed against the pillow as she stifles a yawn. Her hand blocks her mouth in a delicate way and Ava can see her nails are short and uneven in places. Ava wishes she could touch them, study them in a way no one has done before. She wants to press against Beatrice hard enough to watch her skin fold around hers. Some sort of truth that she was here, that she is here. 

Beatrice scoots over slowly, her elbow tucked under the pillow. She stops inches away from Ava, a frown set in her jaw. Ava mirrors her position albeit more awkwardly and more wiggling than Beatrice’s but she finds a place where the Halo won’t bite her back. 

“I’m here,” Beatrice murmurs it, a quiet thing between them. 

Ava closes her eyes hoping Beatrice won’t notice her shakiness. She blinks a few times before she presses closer, the arm she’s laying on moving to support her head underneath the pillow. 

There’s so much to tell her, anything and nothing at all and Ava doesn’t know where to start. It constricts her throat, the constant stream of consciousness from inside of her heart. It’s horrible and she can’t stop it as the feeling balloons inside of her lungs. Ava wants help, she so desperately wants to feel okay again, to feel anything other than the stupid fucking halo. It grates on her nerves and muscles, a burning hot metal ring poking and prodding at the entirety of her upper torso. It leaves her reeling, a sort of anger that beckons for her to hurt (hurt something, hurt someone, hurt), disregarding the aftermath of tears and shame. 

Ava is sure she’s shaking, a layer of sweat gathers between the space of her shoulder blades as the Halo lights up with her inner turmoil. It’s a faint pitiful thing that Ava would be ashamed of if not for the bone aching tiredness. 

She wants to say she’s sorry the words clawing their way up her throat and it feels wrong to feel anything but that. There’s a sort of unspoken shame that haunts her with the Halo. It’s a thing she’s known long before any of this. 

Beatrice drags her out of her turmoil with her hand hovering near Ava’s pinky. She has a gracefulness to it, like she has practiced it a hundred times over. It’s weird, to be in a bed, a soft and lumpy bed looking at Beatrice. Beatrice with such plain features and subtle cheekbones that Ava can’t stop looking. It pays off, watching Beatrice, Ava knows it when Bea smiles a grin too wide for polite acknowledgement and Ava can see her dimples pronounced. 

“Can I?” Beatrice’s finger lingers near her hand, a hovering itch that Ava needs scratched. It’s so wholeheartedly Beatrice that Ava can do nothing but nod. Something inside of Ava aches harder than the rest of the organs inside of her. It’s the unwavering crushing thumping feeling that squeezes around her heart. The sincerity of Beatrice. 

She places her hand over Ava’s and squeezes her gently. Beatrice’s hands are firm and soft. She can feel the callouses on her palms prodding at the back of her hand and wonders if Beatrice has ever had them fade away. If she’s had the pleasure of unscathed palms. Her hands are warm but not sweaty, not like Ava’s.

Ava can’t feel Beatrice’s pulse but she tries her best to match it. She imagines it would be a slow melody playing a duet with a classical track. Some sort of tune that spurs comfort or a feeling of nostalgia. She briefly wonders if Beatrice listens to music, if she seeks out music that has spoken to her. If there was a song that shook her to her core so deeply she had to sit down and digest it. There’s so much she still needs to know and so little time. 

“I admit I’m not sure what you need from me.” Beatrice whispers it quietly, she’s hunched awkwardly, hovering close in Ava’s space but too far away for her own comfort. 

Ava clamps her mouth shut, sure that “come closer” will betray her. That she will reach too far into Beatrice and take far too much. 

Beatrice pays no mind to Ava’s silence and slowly caresses her hand, it’s a small little gesture that seems to have no set course. Ava briefly wonders if it’s the start of a massage or if Beatrice is looking for her joints underneath her skin and touching her tendons in apology. 

It should be awkward, Beatrice and Ava orbiting each other in a lopsided manner. A rotational tilt that is unfamiliar to both of them and yet feels intimate. An unknown dance with their eyes closed and their breaths mingling. (It’s easy to follow Beatrice’s lead, Ava knows love.) 

There’s nothing Ava can say to her, she chokes up at the prospect and they both blink at each other. She’s not sure what she needs, only that it’s nice having someone here. 

Beatrice drowsily blinks rapidly and slowly at the same time as Ava watches swallowing the bits of her smile. Her hand has slowed its pathing, opting to curl on the inside of Ava’s fingers. It’s endearing watching one of her favorite bad ass sister warriors lose against sleep. It softens the edges of Beatrice who is always carrying some unseen obligation. (Here it is only the two of them free of their past and future burdens, just two girls sprawled thinly on hopes and dreams). 

She can feel Beatrice’s grip loosen, she’s going to fall back asleep any minute now but Ava doesn’t have the heart to keep her up. Beatrice is no doubt tired, powered by her own sleeping and eating habits unlike Ava who has the artifact to juice her up. 

She isn’t quite unwound but she feels manageable now. It’s weird to be within reach of Beatrice, someone who cares about her. To be in proximity of someone who will look for her, be in step with her, maybe it’s duty but Ava holds it close to her heart regardless. (It’s all the same to her, devotion, loyalty, love). 

She clings to Beatrice afraid to let the moment go, she had called and someone had answered, Bea had answered. Ava can feel her eyes watering, it almost feels like a distant dream. She tucks her chin closer to chest and thinks, how awful to be loved. 

She can feel her throat closing up and she squeezes Bea’s hand just a tiny bit harder. (She answers in the twitch of her hand, clearly on the cusp of sleep). The Halo still thunders in her back throbbing some fatal fate but here in the hush of night grounded by the touch of Beatrice she has some reprieve.  (Part 1)

[justablah56]

they should invent a body that lets you sleep for at least 8 hours at a normal time .

[soupmanspeaks]

Fnaf 3 (and probably 6 too) being set in 2023 is really funny because you'll have random things like "It's highly probable Michael watched Barbie" pop in your head from time to time and I think that's neat

[wifiwuxians]

STILL PRICKLING AND IM NOT SORRY (tho if you do want me to stop, just ask lol):

The ice palace is huge. Gigantic even. Very fucking impractical for raising a toddler in, absolutely impossible to childproof.

Not that Shang Qinghua hasn’t gone through painstaking effort to go through the entire palace with a fine-tooth comb no less than five times on child-proofing endeavors. Look, it’s not that he’s paranoid, BUT HE’S PARANOID.

Screw his lovely adorable and perfect son’s human half, a human would have SO MUCH LESS TO WORRY ABOUT. Shang Qinghua is going a lot insane thinking about his son’s demon half! Demons fight, bite, and kidnap! On the regular! If anyone so much lays a hand on his little dumplings head, he is going to burn this entire fucking palace to the ground!

“Shush.”

Shang Qinghua scowls against the ice demon’s finger pressed against his lips. Mobei Jun is giving him one of those faintly amused expressions he wears when Shang Qinghua doesn’t fully realize he’s been babbling. From his spot cuddled in Mobei Jun’s arms, their perfect little dumpling giggles and looks at Shang Qinghua like his baba is the most fascinating thing in the world.

Ah, Shang Qinghua would destroy a few galaxies to see his little dumpling smile. It settles the thin veneer of panic that has begun to prickle at his senses and now he just feels soft. Shang Qinghua sighs dramatically and collapses against the side of Mobei Jun’s chest that is not currently occupied by a delighted toddler.

“...I just don’t want anything to happen to him.” Shang Qinghua admits, letting his little dumpling take hold of his fingers with delighted glee.

“Mn.” Mobei Jun hums in agreement, wrapping an arm around his husband and holding his son tighter. “It won’t.”

As if to agree, the little dumpling giggles and explodes a tiny snow storm onto the bed. Shang Qinghua snorts with amusement and decides to spend his time teaching his perfect little son how to count snowflakes.

Mobei Jun is right. He’s worrying over nothing.

❄️

[carn1epretzelz]

YAYYYY oc posting :) anyone remember old fnaf fandom days? handing you heavily revamped and redesigned ocs of Vincent and who TECHNICALLY counts as Henry before Henry was even revealed??? >_<

ik the pride flags are a little "modern" for 1998 but idgaf this is for fun and sillies. yapfest in tags my bad

[kigu]

And every time I even mention the idea of getting a job again she freaks the hell out like "no no we're your parents we want to help you" and it literally translates to NOOOOO IF YOU DONT DEPEND ON US FINANCIALLY THEN WE CANT MANIPULATE YOUUUU

[falsewings]

I wrote 3 paragraphs of fanfic for the first time in a year. And it's for a fandom I actually never written for: Fullmetal Alchemist!

[justablah56]

thought about Marco and Grant again . help .

[wildharesandboundteeth]

Don't know if I've gushed about this here yet but I will gush about again!!!

I love how loving the gods have 'tricked' me into loving parts of myself I have forsaken. I could never claim to be as cunning or witty as Lord Hermes or let alone as ferocious and driven as Lord Ares- BUT I still see traits of them in myself.

How can I take my silver tongue for granted if Lord Hermes so graciously gifted it to me?

How could I look down on what others deem to be 'bad emotions' if it's what helps Lord Ares win the war?

It's been a long journey and it's going to be a longer one still to love myself fully but I think I'm starting to truly love the journey and not just tolerate it for the sake of surviving.

[bruciemilf]

slides into ur inbox as a tim-liker not to start a fight but to genuinely ask if i could gently change ur mind👀👀 bc tim's not that bad if you'd give him a chance (he is very cringe tho

It's not that I don't like him!! But sometimes it just gets exhausting to see "he suffered so much to keep the big bad bat alive" takes like Alfred wasn't right there

[britneyshakespeare]

i love hearing old ladies share about their vintage fashion doll collections. like doll collectors on social media skew very young bc duh it's social media but there's something extremely comforting about pre-internet era collectors sharing their knowledge and history.

[montanamp3]

why am i sad <- voice of girl whose entire personality is being sad

[designernishiki]

okay but. why does it seem like 24 year old majima’s ridden a horse before. why does he talk like he has Experience. what is this lost lore

[aerithisms]

i think maybe i need to replay rebirth some time to look at this diplomatically because aerith is My Favourite and i might be biased but i think my biggest story critique of rebirth is that i wish they'd done a little more with her. given that this is the game she dies in i found it strange that they didn't push her into the foreground a little more since this is their last real chance to do that with her as a living member of the party (i'm sure she'll show up in some limited capacity in part 3 but dead lifestream!aerith is pretty different to alive!aerith i think).

i know that sounds like a weird thing to say when you consider stuff like them giving her the game's theme song to sing during loveless and the fact that the last chapter is basically The Aerith Movie but there is a strange lack of focus on her in moments where it feels like we should get more from her throughout the narrative. this game pushes tifa and cloud's relationship more in the mandatory story segments, and i LOVED what they did with that relationship in this game, but it felt odd that the same focus was not given to cloud's relationship with aerith throughout the story given that the ending hinges on him being so devastated by her death that he enters a delusional state of grief. and this isn't even a shipping thing bc as far as shipping goes i'm an aerti truther and i feel pretty equally neutral about both cloti and clerith as romances (if anything i prefer cloti!). it's about giving proper narrative buildup to the relationship that the game's tragic ending hinges on - a lot of aerith's most interesting scenes with cloud in the bulk of the game are optional, which i think is a weird thing to do given what the game is building to.

i also wish they did more with her being a cetra! again, the last couple chapters put focus on this but prior to that aerith is weirdly quiet about it. particularly in cosmo canyon, while we do get the lovely bonfire scene, aerith otherwise has a weird lack of dialogue when it comes to the lore dump scenes with the gi and bugenhagen. i expected her to feel some type of way about these revelations but any indication of that is at best subtext and she doesn't really say a lot about it. and for all that they emphasise aerith and nanaki's connection early on as beings closer to the planet, once you get to cosmo canyon there's a weird lack of payoff for it. same with tifa's dunk in the lifestream - i kinda thought aerith might have something to say about it as a cetra, and in fairness i think it's possible she did and the game is withholding some of aerith and tifa's offscreen interactions for part 3 (i swear this isn't even just an aerti cope lol i think the fact that they deliberately show them talking without us getting to hear it might be something they come back to), but i also wish we got to connect with this part of aerith's character more NOW, while she's still here, so it can inform our understanding of her choices and feelings at the end. i just find it kind of a bummer because aerith's complicated relationship to her heritage is a fascinating aspect of her character and her tragedy that i think goes a little untapped in this game, which means it's likely to go untapped in the story as a whole since she's. you know. dead.