#bitter and better halves

[llamagoddessofficial]

For the bad Sanses, if their SO would want to grow old and die, would they respect that?

Agh... well. Short answer? No. Long answer? No, absolutely not.

Horror, I think, would come the closest to actually respecting your decision. He has Papyrus to support him so he wouldn't have to go through it completely alone. He's experienced a lot of loss, and he knows the pain of seeing people you love hang around long after they should've gone, deteriorating into someone you hardly recognise. But also... he's just really not in the right frame of mind to let you go. Horror does not love in halves and the thought of losing you is like a point-blank shot to the Soul. If you bring it up, best reaction you'll get is him being confused and then pretending you didn't even talk about it, and the worst is a full smashing-things-flipping-tables-throwing-chairs meltdown. You might get a better response from Papyrus. He'll try to mediate. Perhaps give it a few years, once he's had time to ease.

If you press Dust about it, he will give you an ultimatum. If you really, really want to grow old and die, the relationship is over. You can die, if you like. But don't expect him to watch. He knows that when you go, part of him goes too, and at least this way his time feeling warm and whole again ends on his terms. He can sink back into the dark by choice. You get your wish, but you'll never see him again. He'll be pretty sour grapes about it (and about you) if you do end up choosing to die. As far as he's concerned you chose your mortality over him. He doesn't respect it or understand why. He feels abandoned and betrayed... and he refuses to reminisce positively on something that hurts so much to think about. Someone bringing up your name is enough to start a brawl.

Killer doesn't understand. You want to die? You want to leave him behind? You want him to be alone again - how could you say that? You don't mean that. If you hold your ground and tell him you really mean it, he'll tell you he's fine with it, but he's a bald-faced liar. Whilst Dust is bitter, Killer is shattered; he really thought he found someone who would stay by his side no matter what. The rug has gone out from under him. Now he's facing the prospect of being utterly alone again, surrounded only by the voices that still taunt him even now. He fully retreats into his own head... he acts like he's silly and fine, but his Soul has never been more red. You'll never see his white eyelights again.

Nightmare... uh, no. Sorry. He laughs it off like you're a kid telling him you want to eat a billion cookies. He thinks he knows better than you, in this regard, you don't really want to die, you'll understand in a few hundred years. He's a reasonable lover in most aspects but this is one of few things he doesn't budge on. Part and parcel of being a God's beloved, I'm afraid. D'aw, you want to grow old and die? Sure he'll let you. Aren't you cute. Just don't pay attention to how wrinkles never form on your skin. I'm sure it's nothing.

[moustawott]

Done! I can’t believe so many people liked my Blackarachnia/Elita One design. Here she is rendered alongside Optimus :D

In my Court of Order and Autocracy AU, Blackarachnia is one of Optimus’ main opponents until her somewhat… anticlimactic death at the end of the first act. This is where Ariel from another universe is reincarnated into Blackarachnia’s body and seeks to change this poorly written villainess’ fate.

Text box content and before/after comparisons under the cut:

Optimus

Optimus Prime was born from Orion Pax's almost dead frame after the greatest Quintesson attack in recent history. Surrounded by destruction and having lost his partner, Elita, he was found injured and grieving by the Matrix of Leadership and was offered a second chance: the strength to protect and rescue those he cared about.

Blackarachnia

After the Quintesson attack, Elita One was believed dead. Truth is that her body was retrieved by the Quintessons and experimented on. After being reformatted into a techno-organic weapon, little of her cheerful personality remains. Now, she only carries pain and bitterness, especially towards Orion, who never answered her last call for help.

Blackarachnia was rebuilt with the ability to dramatically alter her appearance so she can act as an infiltrator. As such she can also, transform into two alt-modes: a helicopter and a spider. Her organic half also enhances her instincts, giving her better reflexes and predictive abilities than the average Transformer, which is a huge asset in combat. However, the poor integration between her two halves causes her constant pain.

[calirph]

𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐙𝐎𝐍'𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒. all these sentences come from amazon's the rings of power, some from season one and season two. pleas echange names, locations and pronouns as you see fit.

A burden shared may be halved or doubled, depending on the heart that receives it.

Save your tears for our enemies, for they do not know what they have begun.

The way of the faithful is to commit to pay the price, even when the cost is not known.

I have said it already. A hundred times over, in every way but words.

Let us say that all is as you fear, and this enemy is out there somewhere, lying in wait. Do you truly believe seeking him out will satisfy you?

If you are wrong, will you lead more Elves to die in far-off lands? To convince yourself you have done enough, how many more statues would you add to this path? 

Only in the Blessed Realm can that which is broken in you be healed. Go there. 

 Can we turn back now? There's 110 things out here that could kill us.

You know the rules. We're not supposed to be out this far.

These Orcs were meddling with the powers of the Unseen World. Some dark sorcery of old. But what was their purpose?

I've told you. Countless times. Elves have forests to protect. Dwarves, their mines. Men, their fields of grain. Even trees have to worry about the soil beneath their roots.

Are you just going to stand there, breathing like an Orc?

It is said the wine of victory is sweetest for those in whose bitter trials it has fermented.

He is about to embark on a new project. One of singular importance. And we've decided that you will be working with him.

I am grateful you have not known evil as I have. But you have not seen what I have seen.

Lindon receives you with grace.

I am not some courtier to be placated by idle flattery. I demand to speak with the King directly.

 You have made that plain. So I will be equally plain. 

Only twice in known history has a pairing between Elves and humans even been attempted. And on each occasion, it ended in tragedy. It ended in death.

The people of Hordern were known for having been especially strong in their loyalty to Morgoth.

She has passed beyond my sight. Galadriel was so certain her search should continue.

It is hard to see what is right when friendship and duty are mingled.

First the big people, now the stars. Eyes open when they should be sleeping. Almost like... like they're watching for something.

There Can Be No Trust Between Hammer And Rock.

Everyone, Each Of Us, Needs To Decide Who We Shall Be.

Beauty Has Great Power To Heal The Soul.

Hope Is Never Mere, Even When It Is Meager.

There Is No Secret Worth Concealing With Deception.

He worms his way inside your mind and the rest of him slithers in.

Once the deceiver obtains a being’s trust he gains the ability to sculpt their very thoughts.

Every soul in the seen or unseen world will know that it was you who was the architect of their demise.

At this moment…. the great tale of our age is being written.

In choosing to wear those rings you have all become his collaborators.

To try and cheat death might lead to an even greater catastrophe.

 Every soul in Middle-earth is in peril. Will you abandon them to their doom?

Promise me, Elrond, you will not stop until he is destroyed.

When the darkness falls there are always some who rise forth and shine.

Ours was no chance meeting. Not fate. Nor destiny. Ours was the work of something greater.

Choose not the path of fear, but that of faith.

One thing we can do better than any creature in all Middle-earth… We stay true to each other, with our hearts even bigger than our feet.

You have fought long enough, Galadriel. Put up your sword.

Find The Light, And The Shadow Will Not Find You.

Light endures and is mightier than strength. For in its presence, all darkness must flee.

I was in your place once, in the eldest of the Elder Days. Thirteen of us were chosen to be blessed of Morgoth’s hand, with the promise of power. A new birth. 

Because rather than rest in glory, I chose to seek out the very enemy responsible for your suffering.

When all other senses sleep, the eye of hope is first to awaken, last to shut.

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them?

Give me the nine.

[dogloveri23]

Fangs Of A Monster

Pairing: Suguru Geto x gn!reader

Warning: murder, death, angst

A/n: Welcome to the blog anniversary. It's been 4 years writing for you all. Thought I'd drop a little something for you all from today till the end of the week(hopefully ) to commemorate the day!

"Suguru? Suguru? Where are you?", you call out but I'm met with silence. The door was left wide open which was strange for Suguru's parents.

You could feel your arm hurt as you ran your fingers along the wall. You weren't the strongest sorcerer and your body knew that better than anyone. Well... anyone but Geto. You hadn't gotten the chance to head back to Jujutsu High. Not when he hadn't informed you of his status. He was not in Jujutsu High. That's all you knew.

You can sense any curse energy seeping out of the house. It was familiar but much too ominous. The house is in perfect order. Nothing spilt, nothing torn and the quiet humming of the TV but the smell was horrendous.

You take a look at the pictures on the wall and smile. You watch as they progress and look at the changes Suguru has undergone. His wide and toothy grin gradually fell into a sly and curt smile as each picture passed. When you compare it to the latest picture of him on the wall, it doesn't look anything like a smile.

"Suguru?," You cross the boundaries even further finally reaching the living room. The smell had increased ten-fold. The couch seemed empty but the table in front of it was amiss. You walk closer and are met with the lower halves of two bodies. That was what stunk. You jump back and press your arms tightly against your lips to keep you from screaming.

They were Geto's parents or at least what remained of them. "Does Geto know about this? Has he seen them?" you think. The grotesque bodies in front of you were covered in maggots and flies meaning it had been like this for a few days.

You rush out of the house with a bitter taste in your mouth. Something was wrong. A curse had clearly done it, the bite was massive, and no animal on earth could do it without some sort of assistance.

You tap violently against your screen before bringing it to your ear. You needed to see him. You needed to be sure he was ok. That he had someone near him. Someone he loved!

"Hello my love, were you looking for me," You hear him say as he approaches you in the hallway of the apartment building. You end the call and sigh in relief. He was alive but something was wrong.

"Geto! Are you hurt?," You rush to him and inspect him for any injuries it marks he did not leave jujutsu high with.

"I am fine, my love."

"Your parents, they-"

"I know"

"How are you so calm?"

"Because your parents are the same way."

"What?," You question, his statement not fully registering in your mind.

"I mean that they died the same way yours did. Did you not know? Don't tell me you came to Tokyo to search for me without ever stopping to see your parents-" He smiled. "-You really are the best partner a man could ever ask for."

Your eyes were wide when he laughed. The way he always did. He relayed the message that your parents died and was laughing!

"What is wrong with you Suguru? You can't say all that and laugh. Have you gone mad?"

"Pardon me, my love. But you can't expect me to be sad that a couple of monkeys died."

"Monkeys? What do yo-"

"I guess I'll have to say it. I killed them. I have no regrets about it either. I have a plan to erase curses from the face of the earth for good! They were a small price to pay-"

"They were my parents Geto! Our parents. You had no right to take their life!"

"They were non-jujutsu sorcerers, they bred curses and they shackled you,"

"Shackled me? You've truly gone mad Geto!"

"You told me that if I ever had anything I needed, you were in, I didn't even have to ask-"

"Not when it involves killing people! Geto! Not when it involves killing my parents and everyone you consider a Monkey!"

"You may not understand but I did it all for us. I couldn't stand to keep tasting curses, nor did I want you to keep getting hurt fighting them."

You never asked him to do this. So what if you get hurt? What if you get into a bit of trouble? You come out alive! You fell silent, a single question lingering on your mind.

"If-if I couldn't use curses, would you kill me too?", You asked quietly. You weren't sure what answer you wanted to hear. The man in front of you was nothing like the man you once knew. This man was over the edge and he intended to drag you along with him.

He fell silent, he was thinking. He had given me his answer.

"You would."

"Love I-"

"Don't call me that! Not after what you've done."

"Don't say th-"

"I shouldn't? Let me say this instead. I never want to see you again, Geto. The next time you see me, consider me your enemy."

"Love please I-," Geto can't get the words to form when you storm past him down the hallway. He feels his chest burn and suddenly it feels as though this was God's way of paying him back for his wrongs. This fate was much worse than the deaths of any of the Monkeys he had killed. He had lost the best piece of him, you.

[utdrmv-confession-box]

Transcript: I honestly kind of hate when people separate Asriel and Flowey as characters in fan content, it’s just so much more good for him narrative wise to be the same person. The character arc is IMMENSE, and literally so fucking tragically good you don’t even understand. It just reduces Asriel to “qwq poor little cinnamon roll, could do no wrong, the sweetest little crybaby scrimb” and Flowey to “hehehehHAHAHAH evil psychotic fourth wall breaking gremlin weed”

Isn’t it just more interesting to see Asriel go from a privileged sheltered royal child, to facing the cruel realities of the world through being introduced to chara, a very likely much less fortunate, edgy child. He then is introduced to emo shit by Chara because come ON they are both like 12 at most. Making shitty oc’s and shit(looking at you epic god of hyper death, this is also why I think Chara refers to themselves as a demon, it’s both a reflection of their tween edginess and eventually a self-villainising coping mechanism). But he has to maintain his perfect golden child persona, and starts to feel the pressures of being royal; he’d already have issues with loneliness before Chara came along too I think.

And then, what becomes of him. I like to believe that being soulless does not render him incapable of emotion/caring for people. It’s a trauma response. And as he grows as an individual (unintentional pun), he’s have to grapple with not only the things he’s done but how much he has changed as a person. How he genuinely went from kindness even in the face of certain death to “kill or be killed”. How that was a genuine mindset born out of bitterness. And how eventually those two halves of both his jaded and his pure pre-trauma brain reconcile to a compromise of “Don’t kill, but don’t get killed, alright?”

Doesn’t that just make for so much of a better well-rounded character?

[enkvyu]

gojo is perfect. he’s everything you’ve wanted, everything you daydream into your ideal special someone.

and he’s your soulmate.

there’s a red string of fate that connects your soul to his, wrapped tightly around your pinky like a promise. a promise to share a life together, a promise to care for each other, a promise that you are two halves of the same whole, better only when you are together. once, you believed it was true.

but there’s something wrong. you feel it creeping. there are days when you can ignore it, when you’re pulled towards him as he reels you in, keeping yourself close to his side and feeling love so strong you could suffocate in it. you lean into him on those days, and it’s so perfect because it just is. it needs to be.

the days when you do feel it, it’s almost unbearable. a yearning so raw and so wrong it leaves you breathless, a sharp pain like string pulled too tight. it lays in waiting, taunt, ready to explode.

and it happens sooner than you expected.

you sit alone in your lounge room thoughtless, staring into your reflection on the coffee table. you hear the soft click of your bedroom door as gojo steps out, perhaps heading off to a mission.

“wait, gojo.”

his feet hesitate and they change their path to you. you see his black shoes out of the corner of your eye and feel the couch dip as he sits.

the thick silence weighing down on you both makes it difficult to speak up but you do, you barely manage to.

“something’s wrong.”

gojo doesn’t say anything and when you look up at him, it isn’t anger that keeps him at bay. it isn’t surprise that lines the wrinkles of his face either, it’s bitterness. it’s understanding.

he feels it too.

the thought breaks you. you thought that perhaps if he had wanted you enough, you might have been able smother these rebellious feelings for longer.

“yeah.” gojo whispers, and you’ve never heard him so quiet. “i know.”

it’s loveless, the embrace that he gives you. his shoulder is cold as you cry into it, tears of relief knowing that your feelings weren’t alone, and grief that you weren’t enough to keep the love alive. as he deepens his hold, fingers digging into your arms, you realise he feels the same. the bruises he leaves behind are red and blue, his last reminder that he was there, that he had been yours once, but overtime they will fade, this you know for certain.

the next day, you pack up your things from the apartment. his home looks emptier without you but it isn’t any darker than it was before. perhaps this was long overdue.

gojo doesn’t see you out, his time is taken by his responsibilities. there’s a different kind of sadness that seizes your heart and it’s perhaps the thought that leaving him will ease the pain that makes it hurt more.

as you walk away from the home you’ve made yourself for the past few years, you swear you feel the sensation of string snapping.

you look back to see what you were leaving and a trick of the light makes you see red.

[morelikesin]

It was a confection glazed in thick, sweet frosting - pearly white and tasting of a very rich vanilla - and presumably baked to achieve the golden crust of the bread harboring it; said bread was soft, and its flavor slightly yeasty but easily disregarded with sugar in its place. If you, metaphorically, squinted, it was almost like a cinnamon roll without the cinnamon aspect.

...dipping it into some of its complementary sauce before shoving the bite into his mouth. It was salty and savory and held a zing of citrus from its accompaniment - the taste not too unlike a largemouth bass, but the flesh of a bluefin tuna.

The roasted potatoes were crispy outside and fluffy inside, and even in their familiar plainness was it a comfort. So far away from home, for most of them, and yet it seemed many things were the same.

Allegedly, this Ancestor's Rest, as it was called, was useful as a sleep aid - within the ingredients were medicinal properties in helping one fall and stay asleep, and even wake up feeling better refreshed. That remained to be seen, but they, after everything they could consider, were open to the possibility. 

The pillowy baked good had a spongy chew; the bread tasting akin to a wheat brioche with less sweetness. The comberry jam sandwiched within was sweet and tart simultaneously, taste helped by the snowberries and the consistency by the marshmerrow paste, with the titular comberries almost identical to the flavor profile of a combination of a tart, bitter lingonberry and sweet, citrus-like red currants.

…chunked onion and halved prunes, whole celery and garlic bulbs - peels remaining for flavor until it was time to add the meat - chopped carrots and mushrooms, thyme and parsley and bay leaves, salt and peppercorns.

The overnight stewing, or jugging, as called historically by the people of Tamriel, proved itself in utmost succulence with every bite. The Bruma rabbit meat was tender and juicy, lean muscle and browned skin soaked in the rabbit blood and vegetable stock it'd been submerged in.

-

My take on some Tamriel foods, featuring Sweet Rolls, Seared Slaughterfish and roasted potatoes from Skyrim, Ancestor's Rest from Morrowind, and Jugged Rabbit from Cyrodiil 🍩🥩🍞🥘

[crepesuzette2023]

Simply Love You from Mike McCartney's McGear album (1974), written and recorded with Paul McCartney and Wings

SDE: ‘Simply Love You’ is  a beautiful little ballad. MM: What I love, certain of these things our kid and I used to sing together as brothers in Forthlin Road, before either of us went into show business. And, because our mum died so young, and she would have never… she would have insisted there would be no music in the house. There would have been music, but not to that extent; she would have wanted us to go into the professions. I would have been in front of you, you’d have been talking to Dr McCartney, or Father McCartney. SDE: And, that song, you can hear the backing vocals really well; Paul and Linda and the harmonies. It’s really quite sweet, isn’t it?

MM: Beautiful. And, what is lovely about it is the harmonies we used to do, equally, the ones on that, our kid and I, in Forthlin Road… we used to be the Everly Brothers. Our kid said the other day about something, “oh, god, you know, are we going to be the Everly Brothers again” because, like the Everly Brothers, we were brothers.  And so, the big thing in the McCartney family was, whenever we got to family parties, New Year’s Eve, weddings, funerals, whatever… it would get to the evening and immediately dad was commissioned to the piano, and they would line up halves of bitter on the piano. Then, Uncle Joe, mainly, was the leader of the singers, and we would all sing and harmonise. The big thing in our family were harmonies, that’s why all those things, the harmonies are so important to us, and if you could get a better harmony than Uncle Joe, my god you were doing well. ‘Simply Love You’ takes me back, that is family, and that is my brother and I, with simple harmonies. Every now and then on the McGear album you will just hear the two brothers going back as brothers.  And, of course, with brothers – like the Everly Brothers – you have a natural common denominator in your voices, they’re very similar. On the phone sometimes people would ring the house and they would think we were each other, they’d say, hello, Mike, and he’d say, hello, Paul, it’s me –  because we were family, we were brothers. So, that to me is the most important thing on the harmonies, is the two brothers, and simple harmonies. And, to me, I love the simplicity, often in life it’s the simplicity that is the answer, it’s the strongest. Mike McCartney Interview about the reissue of McGear, Super Deluxe Edition, Sep. 2019.

photos by Mike McCartney

[alexas-fandom-and-random-blog]

I need to get it out of my chest so here's some Striker theories/speculations fandom has come up with that I heavily dislike and why.

Striker has some royalty blood from one parent or both.

Oh God that would suck so much if it became canon cause it absolutely defeats the purpose of his character so far, that of being a lower class imp hating royals with valid reasons even if his actions are violent and sadistic.

As he is he has such an interesting antagonistic role in the story and offers a bunch of good lines directly opposing and questioning the heroes values, choices and morality.

His mere presence and open bashing of the upper class is just good social commentary! If his hatred stems from a combination of his narcissistic nature and bitterness that being born an imp (even mixed or hybrid) robs him from ascending further into the social ladder or even if he survived a traumatic encounter with a royal as its implied and it's fuelled by anger or a combo of all those things all are good for telling a compelling story! All can be done in very interesting ways!

But making him yet another character tied closer to royalty than just being a random person that got screwed over is honestly an underwhelming concept.

Getting screwed over for no good or justified reason should be common with Hell's racist and classist system as its been presented so far and we should get confirmation of that instead of having Striker added to the trend of each of the main characters having special connections with higher ups. It's not only redundant at this point but would make his motivation and social commentary that much weaker.

I swear if it just becomes another daddy or mommy issue imma rage quit so fast!

Striker is half shark demon

His sound design is explicitly constantly emulating the noises a rattlesnake makes. Since he's most likely a hybrid and he says to Blitzo how they are "superior to most of our kind" he's definitely part imp. So we got two halves and we got snake demon and imp, so it's basically covered? lol I don't know how this theory became so popular😅

He doesn't even look close to the design of the other sharks

he only looks like Chaz a little bit.

And lots of characters share similar characteristics like that snout.

This one had some merit with the ringed eyes and imma be real I haven't noticed those elsewhere but like even if he had a grandpa shark what purpose would that serve?

Bah I just don't like it. Let the man be a slimy snake! Its more unique and it suits him better!

Striker is asexual cause he got grossed out by sex jokes

No...just no..

To be clear you could totally read him as asexual! But the reason being the damn sex jokes is giving me whiplash. Striker got flustered and frustrated at best cause the timing of each sex joke was inappropriate as all hell and cause everyone did it as he tried to be intimidating and threaten/kill them. If anything they were bruises to his ego not any indication to his libido.

But like... In all seriousness asexual confirmation deserves more than a reaction to sex jokes.

Hellaverse does it better with Alastor. In his case it does tie in with his sexuality.

Same goes with all the theories that he's homophobic too.

He did the sexy villain thing trying to seduce Blitzo like so explicitly and smiled when Blitzo called it hot then! What are you talking about?

Different situation, more receptive to sexual undertones and instigating them too. That's what I'm trying to say!

And again. Asexual reading can apply. But it can't be just the sex jokes alright?!😭

(yeah yeah it's a joke on itself. still valid I get it.)

Striker is related to Crimson and Moxxie.

Oh this one is the worst one and absolutely gives me a heart attack and thank goodness for the crew's soft confirmation that they aren't via strixxie fanart cause no joke I'd cry since its my favourite ship!

It's just similar horns!!! Striker was designed as a mix between Moxxie and Blitzo and that's the only reason why!

Striker also had sexual tension with Blitzo on screen are you gonna tell me they are related too cause he was designed with half of him in mind?

I hate this theory so much.

Granted purely for shipping reasons but holy shit it got popular and I hated that!

I've had enough with turning every ship into potential incest just cause and harassing fans over it!

Got such "Fizz and Blitzo are siblings" deja vu😬

Ahem...

Anyways yeah that's all.

To end it more positively I love the snake man! Didn't spot him on the trailer but still hope we see him in the upcoming episodes🥺

Preferably doing shit like this and traumatizing everyone lmao! (with no godawful statue jokes in sight thank you very much)

[autisticskeleton-s]

Good Omens season 2 is about what religious trauma does to indoctrinated people, and here’s why.

so i finally watched Good Omens after my friends BEGGED me to ever since the first season first dropped and even though the ending stabbed me in the balls repeatedly for several hours i can’t help but marvel about how genius the ending really is and how crucial it is to both Aziraphale and Crowley as characters

i was hesitant to watch this show bc i was indoctrinated and conditioned by evangelicalism from birth (i’m literally the kid of two ex-missionaries and my dad was a chaplain for 36 years) and i knew that i could easily get triggered if i wasn’t careful.

i’m so glad i watched this show. there’s many reasons but i really just wanna talk about the ending of s2 aka The Divorce. it went entirely over my friends heads bc none of them grew up in the church but when i watched the ending it felt like i was watching pieces of myself at war with each other even though they didn’t want to be. to me, i was watching two people so broken by heaven and hell that they don’t understand that what they’re doing is hurting themselves more than it’s hurting each other. this is a pretty long ramble so i’ll continue under the cut

Aziraphale and Crowley are two halves of the same coin (literally soulmates) and are narrative foils to each other. obviously right, i mean, everyone noticed that. but what they truly represent in the grand scheme of things is the fallout of religious trauma. Crowley has seen the absolute Worst of heaven and the angels. he’s been outcast, scorned, and tortured for (assuming based on the opening scene of season 2) simply asking questions and questioning his faith. Aziraphale is the poster child of what a good angel is in the eyes of heaven and has reaped the benefits for millennia.

what is happening here is a war between two halves of a whole, Denial vs Bitterness.

as a young child it was drilled into my head over and over that my faith had to be as strong as a rock all the time or i would crumble like sand. i idolized all the bible characters and memorized all the verses and did all the good and right things i was supposed to. i was a standard in all the churches i went to, i was the example of what a good christian was, and i knew it.

then, over time, i began to see behind the curtain on what was really going on in the church and i was devastated. how could something based on love do all of that? why am i so scared to think freely? why do i feel like i can never be good enough? the more i questioned the more shame i felt and the more bitter i became, but i longed to go back to that innocence of being the best little christian kid in the church.

Aziraphale cannot truly comprehend the uncomfortable reality that what he’s been subscribing to all this time isn’t good for him. heaven has been hurting him for a long time and he doesn’t understand that. how can something he thinks is so right, so true, so good hurt him and his friends so much? no, it must be something he’s done right? it must be some bad apples right? the whole orchard can’t be bad right? he just has to fix this. he just has to make it better for him and for Crowley and then everything will be ok again.

Crowley can’t wrap his mind around why Aziraphale cares so fucking much. hasn’t he seen what heaven and hell have done? they barely stopped the end of the fucking world!!! they tried to destroy both of them with holy water and hellfire!!!!! they’re still trying to meddle in their personal lives after everything!!! why is Aziraphale so stubborn???? why does he choose something so asinine over him? Crowley has been there for Aziraphale a hell of a lot more than heaven has, can’t he see that?

both of them are hurting deep down into their very souls and they just can’t see it. that’s what religious trauma does to you. it strips you so bare of your personhood that without your religion, who are you? without your god, you’re just an empty shell. you’re nothing without “us”, without the church.

without Aziraphale trying and failing to fix heaven, he’s never gonna understand how corrupt of a system it all is.

without Crowley learning that Aziraphale is hurting just as much as he is, he’s never gonna learn that Aziraphale really had his best intentions at heart and just wanted to do what he thought was the good thing

without both of them realizing that they’re both wrong, they’re never gonna come together and really stand up for themselves and for their friends and for earth as a whole. without this grief, without this pain, without this separation, they’re never going to be truly free

and i, for one, cannot wait to see them kick some ass when they decide that enough is enough

[themculibrary]

bottom!bucky x top!steve Masterlist

Links Last Checked: January 12th, 2024

Ain't No Rest for the Wicked (ao3) - Kellyscams E, 305k

Summary: Steve's just moved back to Brooklyn after spending ten years in California trying to make a life for himself as an artist right after high school. Having escaped to the other side of the country following the sudden death of his mother, Steve feels guilty about abruptly leaving all his friends for so long, unfulfilled, scared and nervous about started college at his age, and unbelievably lonely. So when he meets Bucky Barnes, a young sex-worker, at a bar the night before his first day of classes, temptations might be too high to resist.

One night paying for sex with the most sinfully gorgeous guy is nothing to brag to the papers about, huh?

S'not like he'll ever see him again anyway...

...Right?

Call Boy (ao3) - L1av E, 149k

Summary: Bucky Barnes was skyrocketing through promotions at his advertising firm. Now, a partnership position is opening and if Bucky wants to see his name on the building, he needs to impress not only Mr. Tony Stark, but his wife Pepper. To do this, it takes a team, a couple to be exact. Bucky asks his ex-wife Natasha to set him up with the perfect girl, blonde, tall, thick thighs and huge tits, but with the personality that’ll get Pepper all smiles.

What Bucky gets? Tall, blonde, thick thighs…and a penis. Can this male escort pretend to not only be Bucky’s fiance but also impress Pepper enough to win Bucky the promotion? Is he going to impress Bucky enough to get him to sleep with him?

Steve loves working for his tip.

Collar Full of Chemistry (ao3) - 2bestfriends E, 188k

Summary: Steve is very rich and desperate to feel in control of his life again after a recent divorce has left him feeling bitter and lonely. When he keeps crossing paths with a disaster twenty-something, an unconventional solution presents itself. Steve's always been one for following his instincts.

Bucky is very broke and can't seem to catch a break, especially after some asshole fires him for one fucking mistake. So of course, it follows that he should sign a contract agreeing to do everything and anything that same asshole wants for a whole year in exchange for a payout that could finally change his life for the better.

—

AKA a fantasy BDSM romance featuring heavy mutual pining, feelings denial, and enough kink to blackout a bingo card. We know what we're about, son.

G.I. Joes and 2AM Diners (ao3) - OhCaptainMyCaptain E, 100k

Summary: They look nothing like what they used to. Time and life have completely changed them. But as they sit there in silence, eating two halves of one cupcake, letting Brooklyn remind there where they came from, and enjoying a sky full of stars… They are those same little boys, somewhere deep down. For just a second, you’d be able to see them again.

And Bucky thinks to himself that maybe it’s little moments like these – fleeting as they may be – that remind him why life is still worth living.

Gimme Sugar (ao3) - geneticallydead E, 10k

Summary: Bucky wants to be Steve's sugar baby, and isn't exactly shy about it.

Of Broken Dreams and Mended Hearts (ao3) - Kellyscams M, 354k

Summary: When the House of Barnes is left in massive debt after the death of George Barnes, their oldest son and heir, Bucky, is forced to sacrifice his own hopes and dreams by entering an arranged married to Steve Rogers. Steve seems kind enough, has a prominent job in the government, and was even voted Society's Best Catch. But the House Rogers is significantly higher in status than Bucky's family, which means Bucky is marrying up in Society, and marrying up doesn't only come with rewards, it also comes with certain...expectations and losses--some of which Bucky might be willing to do anything to avoid. And those opportunities might come his way.

Unless, of course, he actually starts falling in love with his new husband...

Omega Interrupted (ao3) - pandafish E, 80k

Summary: Bucky isn't a normal omega. He hasn't hit his first proper heat yet, but still it feels like he's in an almost constant state of heat. His sexual dysfunction causes the omega boarding school where he goes to send him to a clinic meant to deal with this stuff - a massive brick mansion in the middle of the beautiful woods. When Dr Steve Rogers, expert in omega medicine, sees Bucky however he's perplexed. He's never seen an omega with this particular problem before, especially not in someone so young.

So Steve decides to take him in, and since he doesn't quite know how to treat him, he just needs to experiment. And soon Bucky finds himself spending his days strapped to a chair or bench being subjected to all kinds of pleasurable machines and medical treatments by a very handsome alpha doctor...

Omega Services: Rut Assistant (ao3) - roe87 E, 175k

Summary: Bucky and his family are in desperate need of money so he signs himself up to Omega Services, essentially agreeing to rent out his body to an alpha in return for a substantial amount of cash.

As it happens, male omegas are in high demand and Bucky gets assigned a cushy corporate gig. He is now the omega of some hotshot special agent in a secretive government agency.

Bucky doesn't know much about his new alpha, Commander Rogers, but that doesn't matter. Bucky's job and sole purpose now is to wait at home for his alpha with his legs spread, and make sure his alpha is satisfied.

Surely that won't be too difficult?

Orgasmus (ao3) - OhCaptainMyCaptain E, 13k

Summary: It had always felt like his life was nothing but decision-making; what with work, taking out the dames, making ends meet all the time at home - Bucky was always expected to have the answers. That’s how society told him he needed to be. When he was at home, though, things were different. The second his shoes came off and that front door was closed, the only thing Bucky had always wanted was for someone to take care of him.

Not ‘someone’, not really. Steve. Bucky wanted Steve to take care of him.

Salami (ao3) - L1av E, 25k

Summary: Everyone hears stories about the idiots who have to go to the ER to get random objects removed from their asses. If someone told Bucky he’d be spending his weekend in the hospital for one of the most embarrassing occurrences of his life, he’d probably laugh in their face and tell them to go fuck off. But here he is, in the ER with eleven inches of packaged, cold salami stuck up his ass. To make matters worse, his nurse is really hot. Really hot.

Join Bucky for one of the most awkward and yet comical experiences of his life that leads to self-discovery, trust and maybe even love.

Somnophilia (ao3) - OhCaptainMyCaptain E, 7k

Summary: In the bedroom, whatever Bucky wants, Bucky gets; and right now, Bucky wants Steve screaming by the time he’s finished with him.

Sugar Sweet (ao3) - ColorCoated E, 173k

Summary: College Student Bucky finds himself immediately attracted to Steve. He knows that Steve's a bit older than him, and that Steve himself is put off by the age difference. . . But that doesn't stop Bucky from wanting to climb him like a tree. AKA a Sugar Daddy AU that no one was asking for.

Take Me to Church (ao3) - neversaydie E, 124k

Summary: Steve Rogers is a struggling artist. It's not as romantic as it sounds.

What Steve really wants is a job as a session musician. He can play enough instruments that he could make a decent amount of money doing it, but in New York there are just too many talented musicians and not enough jobs to go around. So he takes jobs in hipster bars, hotel lobbies, at weddings and bar mitzvahs and office parties.

If he gets one more request for Let it Go, he swears he'll find it within himself to punch a child.

He lives in a tiny, shitty apartment with Sam, who was his sort-of-boyfriend for a few weeks until he decided Steve's very domestic relationship goals weren't for him. They're still pretty much best friends, luckily for Steve, because when the regular pianist at Sam's dance company runs away to Canada he's recommended his roommate and got him the job before Steve even knows about it.

Dancers. Steve's going to have to spend his days with dancers. Great.

The Simple Life (ao3) - howler32557038 E, 114k

Summary: "The simple life."

"You'll get there one day."

"I don't know. Family, stability...The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out."

Bucky wants to be part of Steve's life. He wants to be an Avenger. He wants to be a good partner. Unfortunately, sometimes that means not telling Steve everything.

Think I'm Finally Clean (ao3) - fuck_me_barnes E, 4k

Summary: In which sub Bucky wishes for rougher handling by normally gentle dom Steve, and gets probably more than he bargained for.

We have not touched the stars (ao3) - sangha E, 21k

Summary: Steve is still adjusting to life in the 21st century. His life nowadays is mostly lonely. Though he appreciates her good intentions, he always rebuffs Natasha's efforts to set him up on a date; he simply isn't interested in pursuing anything romantic.

At least, until Steve gets drunk on Asgardian liquor and a ridiculously handsome stranger at the bar catches his eye.

[krikeymate]

Till it's all over, I will know you

Jill Roberts knows the Carpenters. Everybody does. And she's met the girls more than a few times over the years, although rarely interacted with them. Kirby's parents used to babysit them after all, and Jill always preferred to be at Kirby's than at home where her mother would go on and on about her cousin, she-who-must-not-be-named. Eugh.

So, Jill knows Sam Carpenter, the devoted sister (and recent troublemaker), and she knows Tara Carpenter, the sweetest most adorable little girl in the world - thank you Kirby. (For the listeners at home, Jill Roberts is rolling her eyes). But she doesn't know them, and she had no intention of knowing them. But life doesn't really care for what you have planned sometimes.

Jill has a bad day, so she does what she always does when she has a bad day, she goes round to Kirby's. Only to find Kirby's not alone. Kirby's out back smoking with her pet project.

After a failed attempt to get Kirby to heel, Jill stomps back inside and throws herself onto the couch. It's not until afterwards that she realises the little sister is here too, curled up at the edge and looking morose, a discarded book beside her.

"Oh great, you're here too," Jill mutters sourly.

The girl lets out a quiet sorry. She doesn't move, arms wrapped around her legs and chin resting upon her knees, eyes staring at the blank television screen.

Now that she knows the girl is here, Jill finds herself feeling awkward. She doesn't know how to act around kids, and quite frankly she's not really in the mood, but she knows she's got to be nice to the girl or she'll never hear the end of it. Jill knows how to play nice; she's been doing it her whole life.

"Sooooo.... guess we've both been abandoned, huh?"

Silence is her only response.

Seriously? Jill's trying her best and the girl doesn't even have the decency to respond.

"Jeez kid, what's up with you."

Jill’s mostly uninterested, but she is bored and they're stuck here together for the foreseeable future – until their other halves remember they exist – so she nudges her with her elbow. Eventually the girl mumbles nothing under her breath.

The tone piques her interest. It's bitter. Angry. Familiar.

What’s this kid got to be furious at the world about? At least Jill has real reasons. I mean, so her dad walked out, big whoop. Do you see Jill with a father? No, he disappears back in ’96 after mom refuses to skip town ‘cause of all the murders. At least she got those years with hers. Mom’s a drunk? Join the club kid!

She huffs and spins the hefty yellow and black book between them around. So you want to be an actor?

Huh. Not really what she’d been expecting. Well, she’s not sure what she was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that.

“This for school or something?” Jill questions before she can think twice. She picks up the book and flips through the pages.

It gets Tara’s attention. “No,” she murmurs quietly.

Jill watches her, brow twitching. She doesn’t remember the kid ever being so shy and subdued.

“You… want to be an actress then?”

Tara nods, and all Jill can think about is how ridiculous it sounds. But more importantly, it gives her something to talk about.

“I want to be an actress too.”

The kid’s eyes light up in an instant, arms leaning forward and body unwrapping itself. She finally comes to life.

Jill doesn’t care about the girl, but the way she triggered the change certainly stirs something within her. There’s that sense of power, of control, of knowing with just a few words you can change someone’s world. For the better, or for the worse.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m going to be big and famous, a movie star. I want everyone to know my name.”

She doesn’t know why she’s telling her this. There’s only one other person in the world who knows about Jill’s dream.

“That’s cool,” the girl says, sending her a small smile. “I bet you could do it! You’re super pretty and awesome and you look like a movie star!”

Jill smirks, brushing her hair behind her ear, pleased. “Thank you.”

“I just want to look after Sam… and my mom,” Tara says, smile fading. “Actors make a lot of money, right?”

Jill hums, filing the information away. “They can, if they’re good. I certainly intend to. I going to do better than my cousin in every way. Be more successful, more famous… more loved.”

"Who's your cousin?" Tara asks innocently, unaware of the minefield she's just stepped herself in.

Jill finds herself clenching her jaw. "Seriously? You don't know? Everybody knows," she scoffs. God she hates people.

But the girl just shakes her head, looking up at her, waiting.

Shit, she really doesn't know?

Jill ponders for a moment. She could just brush it off, say nobody important, but something inside her is curious. How could someone live in Woodsboro and not know about Jill's famous cousin?

"Sidney Prescott." It's hard to say her name with anything other than venom, but Jill thinks she manages it. A worthy act for a future star.

The girl blinks up at her, no recognition behind her eyes. "I don't know who that is," she mumbles, mostly to herself, Jill thinks.

Huh. Interesting.

Before Jill can question Tara, the snick of the sliding glass doors disrupts them, and a foul odour permeates the room. She rolls her eyes at the dopey grins the two losers wear as they stumble in.

"Well look who finally decides to show up," Jill sneers, leaning an arm over the couch. "Did you finally remember the child you abandoned or did you just run out of product like the degenerates you are."

Tara frowns at her, and for a moment Jill thinks she's going to interject, but the girl deflates and looks away. Jill's oddly disappointed.

Sam's frowning at her too, though it's not very intimidating given the way her eyes can't seem to focus. It's funny, it's not immediately obvious that the girls are sisters, until they emote. They have the same expression, the same tilt to their head, the same downward twitch to their lips.

"Jeez Roberts, take that stick out your ass why don't you. Tara's cool, aren't you Tar?"

God shut up Kirby. She's so irresponsible sometimes. What does she see in her?

Tara smiles up at Kirby with the fakest-

"See! She's all good."

You've got to be kidding me. That was convincing? Maybe the kid's got talent after all.

From the corner of her vision, Jill sees the way Sam’s eyes narrow.

“What were you doing?” She asks, clearly suspicious.

The audacity. Jill doesn’t know what exactly Samantha thinks she has to be suspicious about when all she was doing is what they should have been doing, and babysitting her little sister. And she’s about to tell Sam where she can shove her question when Tara answers for her.

“Jill was telling me about her cousin.”

Kirby has the unfortunate pleasure of knowing Jill, so the baffled look she sends her way is unfortunately warranted, and she knows Kirby’s going to be demanding answers later. How bothersome.

Sam, however, makes an incredibly speedy trip around the couch – given her condition – to kneel at Tara’s feet and grab at her shoulders.

Jill’s fascinated by the look in the teenager’s eyes, intense and dark. The strain and barely held-back panic in Sam’s voice only makes her more curious.

“What did she tell you?”

Despite the way her sister’s fingers dig into her shoulders with so much force they turn white, or the sharp way she speaks to her, Tara doesn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. Well, she doesn’t react.

Jill’s always been observant, she prides herself on it. It’s how she stays on top of the social hierarchy. So it doesn’t escape her notice how Tara rests a hand on the back of Sam’s, how she stares back with soft eyes, how her words are spoken back in a sickly sweet tone, so innocuous it can’t be anything other than fake.

“Just that her cousin Sidney’s famous.”

It all feels so practised. And it works. Sam’s shoulders relax and she leans back on her heels.

Jill probably shouldn’t… but she just can’t help herself.

“I’m surprised she’s never heard of her, she might be the only person in Woodsboro who hasn’t. Why is that?”

Her innocent act doesn’t match up to Tara’s apparently, as Sam turns to scowl at Jill, a warning in her eyes and in her growl. “Tara’s eight. She doesn’t need to know about any of that crap, so shut your mouth and stay away from her.”

“Sam, you’re being rude.”

It takes Jill a lot of effort not to release the laughter that bubbles in her chest at the wide-eyed and confused way Sam turns and blinks at her sister as the young girl scolds her.

“I’m not- whatever,” Sam huffs, standing up. “It’s time to go.”

Jill watches intently as Sam grabs Tara and lifts her into her arms, as if she were a toddler and not eight, as Sam was so adamantly just telling her. There’s something possessive in the way she holds her. It feels pointed, and the way she catches Sam glancing at her as Jill hands Tara her book back tells her who this display is all for.

There’s something weird about the Carpenter sisters, something… not right. She can’t help but get one last word in as they go to leave.

“Have a good night, don’t let the Ghostface bite.”

She smirks as Sam freezes and her head twitches slightly to the side. Jill finds herself hoping she turns around and confronts her. It’s so very entertaining and she finds she wants to know, to understand, to find out what it is Samantha’s hiding.

Unfortunately, the day continues to be full of disappointments, and Sam continues walking.

Tara sends her a shy wave over her shoulder, which Jill reciprocates, flashing her a winning Jill Roberts smile.

The moment’s ruined by Kirby throwing herself onto the couch, her head slapping into Jill’s lap.

“Soooooo…” she crows, “what was thaaat about?”

Eugh.

- - -

“So what exactly was the deal with you dumping the kid in here, that’s not really like you.”

“Sam didn’t expect to have her today, she was supposed to go over to her best friends after school, but apparently they had a fight. Shortstack even punched her! Ha, didn’t know she had it in her.”

“She doesn’t seem the type.”

“Eh, that Freeman kid is a little bitch, I’m not surprised.”

“So what was the fight about?”

“Why so curious Roberts? Getting broody?”

“Eugh, shut up Reed, you’re the worst sometimes.”

[hatredmadeofgold]

I'm a terrible person with words, but here I go. (using a translator, my English is a little shit when it comes to writing and a little bit when it comes to pronunciation, ha!)

I would like to say with ALL my heart that I love your work and the writing in "Sing to Me", my heartbeat even accelerates when I remember the existence of this work of art and how wonderful the sensation was, the euphoric feeling of read each chapter and see all the care and dedication put into it. I have immense affection for Raiden, Sam (and Monsoon :)). Seeing how complex they are in the story brings me immense satisfaction, and I just wish all the positive recognition for you, it's impeccable.

(There's a lot I'd like to express, like my hyperfocus- but hey, I'm a terrible person at showing appreciation and affection, I hope you got the message anyway :))

hugs and kisses from a Brazilian! 🇧🇷❤

Oi, não se preocupa! Não sou falante nativo, mas entendi muito bem. Da próxima vez, você pode me escrever em pt-br (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Thank you so much!! I am really happy to know that you enjoy my work 💕 Honestly, every time someone tells me that they enjoy Sing to Me so much, I am getting really happy. This fic means a lot to me and gives me lots of strength and stability, although on the outside it might look that I am not doing much for it for the past year (I do, it's just background work that I can't show T_T massive spoilers and so on). But I mean, I kept saying that each time somebody came to my inbox about it for the last months.

And I am so glad to know that you're feeling like this for each chapter you've read so far! This fic in itself is really complex and long, I could give you a rough estimate of around ~100 Chapters for the main story (Those would be just arc 1-3, the series, however, has 6 arcs in total excluding the 2 AUs). Sooo... let me say, you've got a lot to look forward to, I suppose :3

Also I hope that you'll be curious about the revisions too. Chapter 5 and 6 will have a darker tone than their current version that is on AO3 at the moment, but also will be much better in quality. Chapter 6 will have major changes I think, especially the second halve of it. I am all giddy and excited myself whenever I think about all the plans I have for this story. The drama, the comedy, the (bitter-) sweetness, but also the chaos, the pain and the darker parts of this fic. I wish I could go on a ramble but it's so many spoilers lmao And I don't want to take that away from my readers. If anything, I might drop a few essays about Raiden and Sam that I've got on my to-do list at some point, that in some cases will directly tie to Sing to Me as well.

The series also goes in great detail about Sam's past and who he is as a person because I was a bit dissatisfied with how most fics for this pairing at least that I've read didn't come up with much for his past (but I still liked all of them regardless), hence I went a little bit insane about him. To the point that Sam is technically my OC now (according to my beta reader) lmao

Jsyk, this is my current graph view of my Obsidian vault for Sing to Me and all the dots that connect to him:

My vault is an absolute mess still tbh because the program is a bit overwhelming when you don't know where to start, so this is far from how complex this fic actually even is.

What I can tell you pretty much spoiler free is that the series is complex because timeline wise, it starts in the year of 2001 and ends (technically) in the year of 2026. I say technically because ARC3.5: The War in Heaven goes a bit crazy with science fiction elements and time is... let's say, "relative". The main fic spans from 2019 until 2023 btw.

The prequel (ARC0: I Come with Knives) is entirely about Sam's past, from his POV entirely, and a collaboration with @thatthereneverwas since he originally requested me to write it. Basically adding more Sam lore that we definitely need :3

Please don't hesitate to come to my inbox or DMs if you want to chat about Sing to Me, samuraiden or just Sam or Raiden with me! I don't bite :] Monsoon is also my favourite from the Winds of Destruction aside from Sam, so I get you! I've been thinking of maybe including him in the fic as well, but it's uncertain how so yet, and if it will just be a flashback of some sort 🤔 But I take notes as I go, we'll see :3

Beijos pra você também 💞

[danphantom]

if ur curious abt the dans that i mentioned here's a post explaining them yippee

split core is an au sort of based in the doppelganger au--its a branch-off of it really--where clockwork wasnt happy with dan's progression and decided to teach him a lesson by splitting his core into the vlad and danny halves--red and green. however, a third core had formed over time--the dark core--and a third dan came out with them who was just the personification of all his bitterness and hatred. they looked like this (and forgive the old art i need to draw them again soon)

and yall know doppelganger dan. hes just the redeemed dan from my doppelganger au/comic lol. he came back for revenge after TUE's events, but he was captured and (forcefully) rehabilitated by the fentons, mostly jazz. then his timeline's vlad showed up thanks to danny and threw him for a loop, but it ended up being what he needed to truly get better! also then later valerie showed up and things got complicated lol. this is him in case youve forgotten

i mentioned "apprentice dan" and that was basically an au where dan was clockwork's apprentice! it was a way for clockwork to look after him without having him interfere with timelines by being part of them. i didnt develop this au a lot, i kind of only had a design and one shitpost comic, but i look back on it fondly. here's the art (also very old now)

and finally, my attempt at a post-agit dan... i settled with just having him be in the clone vessel FOR NOW, because i kinda vibe(d?) with the idea of him being in the vessel to be anchored to the timeline but when he goes ghost he turns into his usual ghost form! here's the vessel design i landed on

i actually just remembered i DO have two more dans from crossover aus i made in the past. how the hell did i forget saiyan dan and phantomborne dan. ESPECIALLY phantomborne dan.

here's saiyan dan first--it was a dragon ball z crossover where jack was a saiyan with amnesia which made danny a half saiyan. i cant remember exactly how i handled dan in this, but i THINK i made dan some time travel situation where he came to the past to make danny an evil saiyan (theyre both half saiyans in the au). this was him

finally...phantomborne. this was my baby au that i was kind of obsessed with for a hot minute so i absolutely cannot believe i forgot about it until now. but it was my bloodborne crossover au where danny was a half beast due to a failed blood transfusion experiment and he could transform at will. dan, however, was a full beast, and he was still danny from the future--there was time travel that i implemented using the au version of clockwork, who kind of acted as a less creepy gehrman with time powers. i think i made him responsible for the reason hunters wake up from the hunter's dream and everything has respawned, like they want back in time??? idk lol. but yeah dan is a full beast in the future bc he was never cured of his beasthood + gave into his beastly urges. he's pretty sick and uses the beast cutter weapon. here's a pic of him with danny

ok i think thats for real all of my dans now thank you for coming to my ted talk and apologies for the longass post. i hope yall had that post cutter thing turned on lol. i know i could have used a readmore but i didnt want to <3

[silk-scarlet-ribbons]

Just writing to say that your Spideypool fic all rearranged my brain waves. at least a dozen "cracked halves" hits are from me, probably more. I also got into Jason&Tim hurt/comfort fic because of your writing.

I just!! admire you so much as a writer, the way your writing is compassionate and humorous and encourages survival (and more than survival) while still acknowledging the bitter sting of things that can't be put right again. Thank you for writing and posting! My life is better with your stories in it. Good luck with your job and please take care of yourself!!!

I had to go back so far to find this ask again because for the last [redacted] months I’ve legit been SO out of it so I’m so sorry this is so fucking late hooo my god ANYWAY!!!! I kinda teared up reading this because it’s so fun to pull people into things and I’m so ,,,, charmed that you were able to find the niche through my work, that means the world to me.

“Compassionate and humorous and encourages survival” wow wow wow ok so we’re just going straight for the throat huh WOW that’s so kind and it makes me so feel so affectionate about it all because sometimes I do really have to repress the urges of just writing a bunch of unhappy endings — which I’ll do and definitely have done in the past — but honestly? It does feel more hopeful to encourage survival, because I feel like real life can get really hopeless and I feel like sometimes that reflects in my writing but I don’t always want it to. Sometimes I want my fics to be an escape into “actually, this CAN be fixed,” even though I know that in the source material that isn’t always the case. And that’s not shading comics at all, I’ve actually been getting more into reading them so I can actually better my characterizations but comic world *is* a lot harsher than fic world and. Idk. It becomes a balance I guess. But I guess that’s the “bitter sting of things can’t be right again,” huh?

that was so much rambling my god. Anyway I just wanna say that this meant a lot to me, I kept rolling it around in my head and thinking about it and I actually really love that being a tagline for my general theme — dubiously hopeful, but still bittersweet at the end? Maybe? Anyway this was really sweet and I’m so glad you like my writing, I really hope to get back into it soon and comments like this really make the scary venture back in so much more hopeful <3 thank you!!

[abyssalaerlocke]

Back on my soulmates thing

(editing an idea I mention at the end of this), this time with double severing and double reincarnation

Bhaal cuts out Durge's soul, removing their weakness, so they only have his murderous divine spark. The soul reincarnates into Halsin.

Gortash chooses to sever his soul because it's the thing tying him to Raphael. Removing it allows him to escape. Raphael can't do much with it in this form, so he sells it to Zariel, who's able to reincarnate it — into Karlach — later recollecting her possession for the Blood War.

Durge and Gortash meet, and they aren't soulmates — neither of them has a soul — but they can tell to some degree. There's an echo of the bond they should have had, a hollow aching, yearning for each other, that can't be filled or satisfied. It's why their relationship is so intense, blood and claws and stolen kisses as they practically devour each other trying to fill that void, trying to feel that rightness that's always just on the cusp.

Eventually, circumstances lead to Halsin and Karlach — and Durge — meeting. Halsin and Karlach hit it off immediately. Durge feels something strong for her, but it's much fainter from her end. When Durge is with Halsin, who has their own soul, it's the only time they feel whole.

Gortash felt the same thing with Karlach, before Zariel claimed her, outside his control.

Karlach, when she understands the series of events that led her to Zariel, that she went through that because Gortash did something so unthinkable as to remove his soul, can't help but feel bitter toward him.

But... she also knows what it is to prefer death over being trapped to serve a devil, and so despite herself, some part of her understands...

In the original, there's 3 people — one sacrificing themself and putting their soul in their soulless soulmate. Which makes the rivals — two parts of the same person — come together in their grief as now soulmates to each other.

Karlach's most in the position to make that sacrifice if her engine can't be fixed and she won't return to Avernus.

But does she give it to Durge or does it automatically go to Gortash, or is it split between them?

If, as in canon, she finds out Gortash got really bad after she disappeared, maybe she considers Durge only became a better person because they were near their soul in Halsin, and Gortash's cruelty outside her presence is all due to having no soul.

She can forgive his involvement with the Absolute, and decide he deserves the same chance as Durge. Maybe even once she shows up and he has his soul around again, he has a change of heart about the Absolute, and decides to help them stop it.

Epilogue Durge and Gortash cuddling and inseparable because they're literally two halves of a soul, while also being Halsin's soulmates

Halsin getting completely sandwiched and surrounded by his soulmate(s) 😊