#bird rant
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I don't understand why folks are still so hung up on dragons when BIRDS exist. I mean, for cripes sake, the only things birds CAN'T do is breathe fire, and are we actually sure they can't? Galapagos finches drink blood! Grebes have little pouches on their wings for carrying their babies. Albatross can sleep while flying. Innumerable types of bird build intricate nests that can withstand hurricanes and crushing forces and have built-in trap doors to confuse snakes. Corvids and parrots are smarter than your honor roll student. The common rock dove, Basic Bitch Pigeon to you, feeds its young on milk. Pigeon Milk. The bellbird is as loud as a rock concert. The lyrebird can imitate any sound it hears. And don't even get me started on the ridiculous dating techniques of the Birds of Paradise.
Who needs mythical beasts? I just wish they were big enough to ride.
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you should talk about crows...or whatever
-@featherridge
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”AHHHH, THANKS FEATHERRIDGE!! Did you know that —
It is a common bird found throughout much of North America. American crows are the New World counterpart to the carrion crow and the hooded crow of Eurasia; they all occupy the same ecological niche. Although the American crow and the hooded crow are very similar in size, structure and behavior, their calls and visual appearance are different.
From beak to tail, an American crow measures 40–50 cm (16–20 in), almost half of which is tail. Mass varies from about 300 to 600 g (11 to 21 oz), with males tending to be larger than females. Plumage is all black, with iridescent feathers. It looks much like other all-black corvids. They are very intelligent, and adaptable to human environments. The most usual call is CaaW!-CaaW!-CaaW!. They can be distinguished from the common raven (C. corax) because American crows are smaller and the beak is slightly less pronounced; from the fish crow (C. ossifragus) because American crows do not hunch and fluff their throat feathers—-“
(/american crow wiki page lmao)
#mommyclan#lynxnip#warrior cats#mommyclanner#ask lynxnip#fanclan#art#asked and answered#bird rant#rant#long post#featherridge#ah#my little bird enthusiast
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It's always so weird to come down from the biology heavens to see what the average person believes about animals, plants, ecosystems, just the world around them. I don't even mean things that one simply doesn't know because they've never been told or things that are confusing, I'm talking about people who genuinely do not see insects as animals. What are you saying. Every time I see a crawling or fluttering little guy I know that little guy has motivations and drive to fulfill those motivations. There are gears turning in their head! They are perceiving this world and they are drawing conclusions, they are conscious. And yet it's still a whole thing if various bugs of the world feel pain or if they are simply Instinct Machines that are Not Truly Aware of Anything At All????? Help!!!!!! How can you look at a little guy and think he is just the macroscopic animal version of a virus
#yesterday i made a complainy post about a whale edit having people confused about whale sharks and orcas' dolphin and whale identity#but honestly i cant even hold these things against someone. its confusing that whale sharks are called with two different animal names!#and if you only know about the whale dolphin porpoise divide then you may not know that dolphins and porpoises and others are toothed whale#i dont think anyone is actually stupid for not having this information preinstalled in their brains#if anything it makes me happy to get to explain things because i love explaining things that i know :D#however... this#it just makes me sad :(#its so weird when this whole thing is subjected towards OTHER VERTEBRATES too like fish or reptiles or amphibians#like man.... you are a fish. your ancestors were buddy buddy (or actually probably enemy enemy) with the ancestors of these guys#fish are like a whole other class of animal to a lot of people dont even get me started#they never get the same protections as mammals or birds do even if they are just as or more endangered#mmmmm i wont rant now#biology
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Ive seen multiple posts from reddit refuges that go like "im queer and its so welcoming here!" Or "im nonbinary and dont get quized on my gender here!" Or "im autistic and i can be weird here and yall like it!" And its so fuckin cute its like yes hi hello welcome this is the gay ass autistic website we love special interests we love weird genders we love just saying random shit and the just happy surprised tone of those posts is so wholesome to me like yes! hi! you are in fact the target audience! welcome home
#196#reddit blackout#theres also been multiple posts that compares them to endangered birds raised in captivity being released into the wild#and yeah i can see it#god but the joy in those posts at being met not just with welcoming arms but delighted ones#like yeah! you can say just random shit! we love thag here!#we dont just allow random special interedt rants we adore them we actively encourage them#theres posts about loving seeing your mutual flood your dash suddenly with some random thing and realising they have a new hyperfixation#its just really cute and sweet
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wings
#post-trimax vash.......#fuck!!!#something about vash holding onto a tiny little thing wolfwood carved with his own hands#and that being the last remaining piece of him#vash keeps on living but as the centuries go by he's starting to forget the little details about wolfwood#he still dreams of his voice. he buys the cigarettes he used to smoke just to feel his presence (maybe suffer in his absence)#but the wooden bird is losing its shape day by day. year by year#and when theres none of it left how will vash be sure of his past lover's existence?#ok rant done im killinj myslef#ilsa if u see this im staring into your soul rn while im plagiarising you#vashwood#vash the stampede#trigun maximum#trimax#my art#trigun fanart
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[source]
So, in spite of suing multiple other companies with the assertion that scraping user content for generative AI training is illegal, Long Rodent has decided that the dead bird is going to do the same thing! Natively! On-platform! To train his own new generative AI engine!
With this in mind, I cannot impress this vehemently enough:
If you are on Twitter as a creator of any kind, it's time to pack up your work and GET THE HELL OUT.
#signal boosts appreciated#twitter#anti ai#rodent murders bird adventures#I had a whole rant in the tags#but it got kinda personal#so I'll do that elsewhere#just bad timing#for me specifically
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Disabled people shouldn't have to jump through hoops!!
#disability#birblr#bird art#doodles#context here is that I had a really triggering disability assessment this morning#'can you tell me more about what caused your panic attack?'#Not if you don't want me to have a panic attack right now??#Also maybe don't ask an ex-anorexic 'have you lost weight?'#How is that relevant?#If I was fat or had gained weight would that make me more or less disabled in your eyes?? How is this relevant??#Sorry for the rant guys it's been a not-so-great morning#If I didn't know better I would have assumed the assessor was purposefully trying to trigger me
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Kinda hate the current state of tumblr alter/non humans. I understand not wanting your identity being trivialised, but some of you are spewing the same shit as "tiktok therians" just against differnt members of the community. I am a partially spiritual therian, and every time you guys bring up past lives I lose my MIND. Sorry my beliefs and causes for therianthropy are common among tiktok users, but I don't want to be put down every time I read rant posts. I have vivid dreams of my death, and you are going to say that only dumb little kids experience that. I have heard better, more inclusive opinions on YouTube, by someone who wears masks and does quads. Stop putting down members of the community to try and distance yourself from the " nasty fake tiktok therians". Hating on certain ways of getting species euphoria doesn't make you better. I swear, your problems are made up. I follow some fat quadrobists on yt and stuff, and nobody is hating them or putting them down, only people who would hate them anyway. I follow black therians and nobody hates them for that. People talk about issues with trends that misrepresent therianthropy, people are inclusive to otherkin, people are NICE but you just can't deal with expression. Sorry you can't deal with people in masks and tails doing quadrobics with past lives. Sorry you can't deal with me, and the way I express myself. I get euphoria from doing quads and wearing a tail and mask. I am a spiritual therian with past lives. Stop trying to exclude happiness to feel superior.
#alterhuman#therian#otherkin#bat therian#bird therian#cat therian#dog therian#fox therian#coyote therian#therian community#rant#quadrobics#gear
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i love men and i love loving men and i hope every man and boy and guy who sees this post has a great day!!!
#rants blants#i am never going on the bird site again christ#male positivity#boy positivity#how do i get this post out to the boys. i love you.#mlm
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ANSWER THIS AND YOU GET A FUNNY BURNING CHEESE COMIC
Hear me out
The ancients giving themselves up to the beasts as sacrifices if they agreed to leave earthbread alone and never wreck terror or show their faces again
I'd say everyone besides Flour would go:
Say less Babygirl*hops into a pumpkin carriage and rides off into the sunset*
Maybe Salt would need a lot of convincing because... Holy shit it could be this easy, Milk you seeing this, quick Spice snap a photo this is a moment in history
Flour is just in massive denial but would find a way to agree to mke it seem like it isn't about love or anything
Unknown3doors, don't tempt me like that 👀 don't tempt me like that, unknown3doors 👀 you're playing with fire, unknown3doors 👀🔥
Pure Vanilla surrendering to Shadow Milk would be the happiest day of Shadow's life. He makes Vanilla repeat himself multiple times, makes him announce it through a megaphone, they do a radio broadcast, Shadow makes a TV special out of it, Shadow writes poems and essays gloating and taunting... And then he eventually agrees to Vanilla's terms (although, he DOES try to haggle for permission to continue annoying people). Pure Vanilla is HIS!!! HE'S FINALLY HIS!!! FOREVER AND EVER!!!!!!! (And the Soul Jam, technically. But WHATEVER!!! HIS SILLY VANILLY!!!). Now Vanilla must endure having to spend EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of his life within 10 feet of Shadow AT ALL TIMES, or else the deal is off and Shadow will commit genocide in retaliation. Why the long face, though? You agreed to this! You knew this would happen! Maybe if Vanilla behaves well enough, like a good little doll, Shadow will allow himself to be HIS doll for a time. Tit for tat. It's only fair. They can be each other's playmate for eternity now...
Eternal Sugar would be 100% awake for the first time in forever if Hollyberry offered herself to her - in exchange for anything at all, it never had to have been for keeping innocents safe. Typical of Holly, in her estimate; she's not necessarily surprised by this. Maybe she'll feign a bit of surprise just because, maybe she'll tease Holly about it... But all in all, she's quite pleased. Now she can keep those pesky subjects of Holly's away from her much easier (as well as her friends... Including that ridiculous dragon...). Holly will learn to see things her way eventually. Appreciate the little things. Like a nice, long nap in a warm bed, in the arms of a loved one... Pleasant, sugary sweet dreams that are too comforting to wake up from... No one ever bothering them about anything ever again. Free from their responsibilities, free from the burden of the shield and the crown. Just the two of them in their own little world, pursuing their own happiness. Won't that be nice?
Mystic Flour would struggle to even entertain Dark Cacao's presence, never mind his... proposal (oh gods, not that word). She would refuse, and refuse, and refuse again. But Cacao does not give up, stubborn fool that he is. Curse his Light of Resolution... Eventually, in lieu of plainly refusing, she tries to appeal to reason. What about his kingdom? His people? What would they say, think, do? Will he leave them behind just to keep her pacified? What about his friends? His son? Who will rule in his absence? Unfortunately, Cacao has an answer for every single one of her questions... and, with an even greater undertone of misfortune... she likes them. That part of her that likes HIM also likes this. That he always has an answer for everything she says. That he won't bend the knee to her, no matter what. His self-sacrificing nature, bordering on martyrdom... just like hers once was. In truth, every word out of her mouth is only serving to delay her inevitable acceptance of his offer. A feeble attempt at shooing him away, one final shot at denying her feelings towards him, for having him around her constantly would be too much to bear, and she might... She... She'll break. She knows she will. And she can't have it. She won't stand for it.
... Dark Cacao, stubborn, handsome, selfless fool that he is. He has undone everything she ever worked for. Her apathy meant nothing the moment they locked eyes. It means nothing now, as they go back and forth about this foolish deal of his. And it won't mean anything when she eventually says yes.
(But she'll try to pretend otherwise, for as long as she can. Neither of them could handle the truth...)
Golden Cheese: Burning Spice, if you leave everyone else alone, I'll give myself to-
Burning Spice: DEAL!!!!!!!!! *pounces on her before she can actually finish or explain herself any further... What he does next, I'll let you imagine/decide 😉*
Silent Salt... wouldn't even believe it at first. He'd be astounded. Dumbfounded, really, that White Lily would say such a thing... Is this really her? Is someone forcing her to do this? What is the catch? Enough reassurance from her would convince him that she's being real and sincere and every other word that can be used to describe her deal, and... he accepts it. No other ifs, ands or buts. His White Lily... now, she really IS his White Lily. Forever and ever... He doesn't mind having to keep away from society; that's hardly a punishment. It costs him nothing. And if his White Lily is there with him, he won't even notice the difference...
#can you tell I liked writing the MysticCacao one the most lol. I love toying with their dynamic it's fun#seriously though. there actually would be a fair bit of discussion/negotiation between PV/SM and DC/MF. Ironing out terms and conditions#ES wouldn't care too much about it in the moment. Too much work. They can talk about it later if Holly really wants to#BS really is the “say less babygirl” one lmao. Bird Wife mine forever? Yes! Me happy! Life good now#We fight! We kiss! We hug! We make babies! Many babies. And then we fight more! FOREVER!!! MY BIRD WIIIIFFFEEE#SS has always been the calmest one to me outside of MF. Also the most simple and straightforward one. No noise or fanfare or mockery#just... “you're giving yourself to me? you're serious? anything extra to add that I need to know? ok. deal.” the end#SS and BS just want their wives more than anything else tbh... they don't need much incentive#i can rant more abt this later if y'all want lol#cookie run kingdom#burningcheese#goldenspice#mysticcacao#hollysugar#silentlily#pureshadow#shadowvanilla
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design by Vec @ OnionPowder_ on twt
I feel like... there's smth about it. it's not all that good, bc the pose is a bit awkward, perspective is a nice attempt but a little off and I drew quickly without thinking, later couldn't fix it/was too lazy/had no time, but the colors, the shading... idk, I'm oddly a fan of it so I'm throwing it here.
see it as practice/warmup. I'll never get to smth better if I don't let myself fail a bunch of times first. don't be afraid of failing.
#I personally feel that birds eye view is easier than frog perspective#but I prefer it a lot#bc it gives me that POV feeling#like the character is alive and right in front of you fr#or maybe it's more natural to me bc I'm 150cm/5'0“...#she's patting your head... or holding a camera maybe#even tho she IS a camera#I just liked the design and I wanted to draw ONE different thing other than Flug for once#the colors were refreshing to work with#rant post about my art improvement#honestly gotta just keep in mind that this was my first year EVER making literally anything other than sketches and for that it's pretty ok#I can live with that#what I like to do when I'm down is look at my progress of the last year; realize that it is noticeable enough;#then say “omg imagine in 10 years... if you had 10 times this amount of progress... I can't wait to see!”#idk where I'm going with allat but I hope it helps someone#villainous#villanos#vilanesco#miss heed#villainous miss heed#cartoon#fanart#my art#sketch
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Who do u guys think makes bingo books. Is there like. A committee? Are there village specific bingo books? I feel like there is, right? Does that mean all the villages are just constantly playing catch up with eachothers books?
Before the villages, did they still have bingo books? Who made them then? Did each clan have their own books? And different webs of allied clans would have better, bigger, more informed books because they had access to eachothers information? If there was a general "good" bingo book with the best, most reliable information, then who was compiling that? Was it a specific guy or a group? With how isolated and uncooperative so many clans were back then, if the books were maintained by individual clans, then there must have been so many types of bingo books. Or maybe there were a few specific clans who would produce them...? I can see that as a Nara thing.
Id like to believe some nin like collecting old bingo books.
From enemies, as trophies. Bought from markets or found in old abandoned shinobi bases and clan homes. Passed down from a grandfather along with stories of having faced off with the unfamiliar, powerful nin from ages past recorded inside them.... the options are limitless.
I think many nin add their own little notes to their own bingo books, opinions, doodles, theories on enemy nin, etc. So collectors will value books with notes in it, especially if the books used to belong to a famous shinobi (cool insight into their mind !!) or is really old (cool time capsule comments on shinobi from forever ago !!)
You can make some serious money on an old bingo book filled with personal notes that belonged to a famous shinobi...
Rumor has it the first Hokage's bingo book was sold off by Tsunade to cover her gambling debts. And that when the Nidaime's bingo book dissapeared into the pockets of one of his students after his death, people were straight up ready to kill to get it back— but no one knew who'd taken it (it was Danzo)
Jiriyah lost his old bingo book from the war in a bet, and was surprisingly, genuinley upset over it die to the sentimental value. It was sold for some crazy money later on, as it had personal notes and doodles from all sorts of famous shinobi inside of it
Jiriyah, Tsunade and Orochimaru all drew over eachothers photos in their section of the book, and all three left sarcastic comments in many a corners. Minato left his own comment or two, as Jiriyah asked him to sign his own page after he broke S rank, to celebrate. Then Sarutobi also left some comments here and there too, and Sakumo had actually left more than a few— signing his own page, writing a little congratulations under Minato's S rank, drawing a wolf in the corner of Orchimaru's page after Jiriyah insisted he join him in defacing it, etc.
Jiriyah's bingo book being his team's official unofficial shared bingo book... all three of the sanin tossing it around and marking off shinobi they'd fought, leaving stupid notes and doodles for the others to find later, getting other shinobi to sign it on their own pages.....
I think a lot of shinobi do similar things with "personalizing" their own books, but the sanin certainly ended up creating one of the most valuable with their own endeavors
And then in Boruto, bingo books are probable even more of a collectors item. Especially w shinobi becoming even more commercialized / sort of idol-ified
Just like how some middle aged dad's will save up their baseball card collection to one day sell, telling their children it will be their college fund one day, shinobi are doing similar things with their bingo books
(One of the most valuable editions of the bingo book was the one produced exclusively during the war with Madara, covering many, many shinobi, both dead and alive. Only so many ended up being printed, as the war ended up being shorter than expected, and while there are newer knockoffs and reprints, OG books from that period can make some crazy money.)
#did I really just end up ranting about bingo books thats not what I meant to do#whatever#theyre interesting. ill own it.#naruto#birds fic talk#naruto shippuden#naruto lore#warring states era#sannin#jiraiya naruto#tsunade senju#senju tsunade#hashirama senju#senju hashirama#the sanin#orochimaru#jiraiya#boruto
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I can't tell if my dragon worldbuilding has gone too far when I start reading scientific papers on bat wig morphology and comparing them to bird morphology.
#worldbuilding#my writing#A Trial of Dragons#dragon design#I just feel like birds are not the best analogy#the albatross wings were a good starting point but bats are more analogous to giant flying lizards#I would like to use paleo information but the entire field of flying dinosaurs is so mired in conflicting studies it sort of isn't worth it#I love Quetzalcoatlus but wow those studies are#not helpful for animal design#each study refutes the latest#in fundamental ways#old man rants at paleontologists
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Birds of Prey Brainrot
This is so messy but I didn't feel like putting effort in. I love Birds of Prey because it's like a reality show but with explosions and secret missions like yeah let's spend 5 issues in a row seeing what's happening in Barbara's chaotic love life (this isnt sarcastic btw, I REALLY enjoy just like...seing the characters be people and like navigate their messy lives an relationships.)
#barbara gordon#dc comics#oracle#dc#dick grayson#ted kord#black canary#birds of prey#batfamily#delirious tumblr user slippy rants
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Hi lovely, to celebrate the new year! I was wondering if you could please do a fluff/smut with Cirden.
Does not have to be hardcore smut only a taste!! thank you so much 4 taking the time out of your day and writing we all appreciate your work.
A/N: took it in me to get this done before January ended!! putting this man in the spicy is so bittersweet b/c it feels so wrong (but so right). And thank you for your kindness!! Lord knows I've been needing some grace. Thank you for being so sweet I'm glad people actually see my stuff <33
CW: NSFW/SMUT, public(?) doing the dirty in the woods, hunting, elf X reader, established marriage
WC:2.8k
Gender Neutral Reader X Male Elf husband
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"Raagghh. I haven't caught ANYTHING..." One of your arrows lands in the dirt, it's blade skinning against the ground before it fell flat. You couldn't even manage to stab a lizard that blundered past you, it's skittering body running as your arrow slumped.
"Don't get discouraged," Cirdan mumbled with unmoving lips, focused on the prey only a few meters in front of him. "It's only your first time with a bow and arrow."
He still managed to whisk away your heart in his crouched battle stance as you curled on the forest floor, his arrow flying as it released with a snap. The harsh squeak of a cottontail broke the silence of the ancient trees, a fatal jump being it's last movement before it succumbed to the ground in a helpless flop. Your husband moved forward without you to slice it's throat. You looked away in shame; he had been hunting for your dinners ever since your joint movement into the cottage currently a mile away; he had cut the heads off deer and ducks while you sat back and covered your eyes. You couldn't even shoot down a bird, not only from your poor aim but your heart lurched everytime you saw its feathered breast beat with life, its beak release a hymn of song. Every now and again you could garner the courage to help him defeather or clean the bones of his latest catch but when seeing their heads or lifeless eyes, it made your insides churn.
It was dispiriting, knowing you couldn't provide in the way he had learned to do since he was a child. But by Gods and Goddesses, did he not look fine holding that bow and pulling back its string, showing the strength in his chest and the unwavering focus in his grey-blue eyes. You memorialized the image in your head, toes scrunching deep in your sewn leather boots (created by cirdan and his many talents) with your knees pushed together, gaze focused on the ground.
"Whats wrong?"
You looked up from your place in the dirt and dead leaves, your spouse like a pretty ice mountain that you had to strain upwards to see. He placed three dead bunnies by their ears into the sack that was once on his back; if he were alone, he would've just carried them by hand back to the cottage.
"Nothing, I was just... thinking. It's beautiful out here."
You looked up at the canopy of trees, dappled light speckling between the small empty holes that neither branch nor bushy leaves covered to block the evening sun.
Cirdan bent down, placing his sack on the ground as a warm hand came to cover the top of your head. A calloused palm pushed your hair back, patting you with deadweight.
You couldn't see the rest of him with his gigantic arm in the way, his voice like an omniscient invisible God of the forest.
"Don't worry if you can't hunt...I'll do enough for the both of us," His palm slid to your cheek in a messy fashion, attempting to be heedful of how firm his touch was, too used to handling his bow with untamed strength for the day. His hand was a pillow on your cheek as he pressed his thumb against your temple. "It's my job to take care of you."
He spoke as if mostly to himself, thin silver lashes disguising his eyes while he watches your lips with a small, almost unnoticeable quiver. But he didn't waver as you stared back, gaze running from his deep pupils to his strong nose bridge, down to his dripping jugular.
It was tension inside you and it was unbearable. It took choking yourself back to not scream "just kiss me, dammit!"
But elves weren't the hasty type,(especially your aloof husband), and you didn't know what Cirdan would think if you came forward so hungrily. Would he think you were just some lust-crazed old bat that replaced the careful spouse he once knew?
"Come, let's go back; the wind is picking up. I won't let you catch a cold."
The forest was all but blowing, a leaf tumbling every now and again but practically silent. And yet, who were you to argue with the seasoned elf who had survived in forests like this?
You took the outstretched hand cirdan put in front of you, allowing him to practically lift you to your feet as your bow held limply in your other hand with defeat. Alas, another day with no progress in conquering your woodland fear.
You let Cirdan lead you, following him past old oaks and emptied burrows, unable to keep your wide eyes off of him. It was nice, to distract your disappointed mind from your empty game sack to the hauntingly beautiful portrait of the manly elf before you.
"What is it?" Cirdan stopped, looking at you with those long locks covering his scarred eye, the other staring with a darkened brow.
"Nothing!" You'd repeat, looking away with your antsy feet bouncing, hoping he'd somehow read the growing need inside of you. And this carried on a countless too many times before you saw the clearing that led to the desire path back home.
What were you to say? That you wanted him here and now? That you wished he'd just smile and hold you and tell you to take off your hunting clothes and everything underneath as soon as you got back home? Yeah, right. As if the stoic beast that you married would be so forward, as hopeful and desiring as you.
You sneaked glances, learning better than before when aiming to witness the veins in his forearm that traveled to the hand interlocked with yours, the pants that fit his slightly toned ass just right. Gods, were you really so sinful? But, was it so wrong to want your husband, to think of him panting above you and his beautiful thighs encasing you with heartache and hunger?
Cirdan stopped again. You were about to tell him now this time you really weren't looking but he didn't face you, instead dropping his bag along with an unused set of arrows accompanying his bow.
"I think... I understand."
You tilted your head at him, maybe at a poor attempt to get him to look at your cute side.
"I'm supposed to do more than...be a a simple protector."
You would've pressed for more information, if it weren't for the oddly timed shove towards a nearby tree. Cirdan took the bag from your hands faster than you could ask "what the hell are ya doing," his sharp face only mere inches away and angled as if he was about to kiss you.
But maybe, that was just your imagination, your mind centered only on his smoothened pinkish lips.
"Is this what you wanted...?"
The elf brute inched down, nudging your nose with a deep exhale. His hands engulfed yours, holding them down at your sides as he pressed his lips snuggly to your cupids bow.
The sheer power of his face pushed your skull against the tree; along with it a warm, humid hand came from behind to press along the curve of your back. His pointer finger inched, massaging into your tailbone as the elf's thigh quickly entrapped you between he and the old oak.
That hand moved down to the waist of your hunting trousers, digging beneath them to reach more savory skin.
You almost jumped at the slight clutch of your left ass cheek, your husbands eyes shut as he rubbed his forehead against you.
Lost words were grumbled under his breath with a gentle rasp, his other hand leaving your fingers as they braced against the bark of the tree behind you.
"Cirdan-- wha," you tried to figure out what you were feeling, what the right thing to do would be. Which was, to tell him that this was not the right place, nor the right time. But that gentle nudge of his tented crotch against your leg made any thoughts of lucidity drift.
"Want you..." He spoke, barely above a hum. "Isn't this, what you needed? Looking at me, at my..."
"Don't finish that sentence," you warned, unable to meet his gaze as he softly squinted open his eyes. "Maybe so but--! Right here?? Right now? In the woods?! Even I'm not desperate enough to make us do it...here."
"No creatures come to the edge of the woods... too smart for that. We're too far away for any hunters to venture close enough." You could see even he wasn't one to normally suggest this idea; but if anyone knew this forest, it was him. "Besides, said I want to take care of you.. did you not think I'd follow through on that..?"
"But, wait, I mean-" you nearly whined, hardly able to contain yourself with the hand massaging your backside, the fat of his buldge grinding into your quadricep. He was almost as bad as the rabbits he so skillfully caught, their known libidinous currently rivaling his own.
It was still atleast a 15 minute walk back to the cottage when following the path directly back. Could you make it that long? If not, could you bare the anxiety of having him bend you over in the woods completely out in the open?
"I didn't know you were so... pent up." You choked. "I mean, you're not just doing this for me, right?"
Who were you kidding? He was practically rubbing on you like a fox in heat.
"Please don't make me beg." He looked at you directly, finding your lost-at-sea eyes that had been rapidly searching for any creature or holy figure nearby witnessing you and your husbands' immoralities. He wasn't whining nor desperate but rather asking you, to please, not make him put himself even lower at your mercy-- if that was even possible.
His directness caught you off guard; sure, you had been on the edge of ripping your clothes off and throwing yourself at him but-- to have him beat you to the punch?
You couldn't help yourself when he leaned in, his soft locks brushing against your shoulder as the tip of his pink tongue swiped your lower lip, his confidence having grown since the first time you made love to him in the dark.
You opened your mouth greedily, nearly starvingly so as you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders. How could you say no, when he asked you so genuinely, when your groin ached to be caressed by him?
With the confession of your open mouth and the lewd noises of your labored breaths, Cirdan moved quicker than with the normal diligent pace he tended to do everything with. In a split second your leg was wrapped around his hip, his large hand rubbing gently at the front zipper of your trousers, reaching in deep between your legs to get a good cup full o' you.
You couldn't just ignore the cries of his loins as he lunged forward, desperate for your affection. You undid the two buttons holding the elf's own wood-colored slacks up. They drooped only slightly to show the clean grey of his happy trail, your palm digging in to reach for the stiff piece that craved a special touch.
It slid out so easily, his tip warm against your wrist. You couldn't help but watch him leak just a bit, slightly hard as a thin vein pulsed under your thumb.
"Gods please...I said t'not make me beg." He muffled in your ear, taken aback uncharacteristically as you stroked with the intent to milk him for all he had.
It was so cute and fat, the small grey-white hairs of the front of his cock leading down to his crowned jewels, making you appreciate the differences between humans and elves. His pointed ears twitched upward as he practically foamed at the mouth against your neck. A gentle palm came to push your shoulder against the tree with simplicity.
Without unzipping, cirdan shifted to pull your pants and undergarments down to your knees; in a matter of two seconds he managed to strip you half naked. Your hand was pulled away from the elf, interlocked instead with his fingers as your bare thigh was hoisted further up against his naked hip.
His chest pressed up against you as he slowed to get inside, looking at you with glazed over, hooded eyes. He didn't look away, he couldn't. There was something about the sweat at the corner of your brow, your slightly ajar lips that kept him going, entering inside of you with raw cock and raw determination, awaiting to see that expression of nearful ecstasy that would wash away all the neediness you had been experiencing.
You didn't know how he could do it, stare at you so intently without any break away while you sweated under his gaze. If he wasn't currently bottoming out inside of you right now, you would've felt like you were under interrogation. You both huffed simultaneously once your hole swallowed up the entirety of him, your right leg limp over his thigh as he pressed you up further against the tree.
"Feel okay?" Cirdan panted, and you could see he was barely keeping himself at bay. What a gentleman, controlling himself from fucking you blind-- not that you would've minded the latter, of course.
You responded in turn by grinding down on him, rolling your hips forward to have that needy, hungry and achingly thirsty spot become just a little farther quenched.
It was difficult to not throw your head back and scream, feeling so warm and full as you gripped the back strands of the elfs hair.
With the time you had spent with him you realized Cirdan wasn't much of a grunter, preferring unconsciously to huff and pant and wordlessly suck through his teeth when he was inside of you. If you were lucky, you'd get to see him furrow his brows in exasperation, frowning as if he was concentrating hard on something important and not just from rocking into you. The challenging part about being his first lover however, was that he was still learning not to finish in the first few seconds of plunging inside.
"Ill.. n'take care of yo..u" he muttered, lifting your hips as your bare ass scraped against the bark of the tree. "Take care so good..."
You would've laughed at his drunken fervor if you didn't find it so endearing, the urge to stick your tongue into his heated cavern of a mouth washing over you like a wave.
Cirdan accepted the kiss greatfully, placing a hand behind your head to grace your thump against the tree. You could hear the branches shake, a stray dead leaf falling on the top of your head as he rutted forward, your own pelvic floor pushing against his thrusts. The elf's nose smushed against the side of your own, lips practically consuming one another as his lashes brushed your cheek. Sweat formed on your back dripping to your legs, but you didn't care. It felt too good, your senses only focusing on where he was caressing or what would be next, the cold breeze reminding you that you were still outside.
That fear remained in the back of your mind, your eyes occasionally opening and scanning the forest that you could see beyond Cirdan. But there was nothing, nothing but the trees and dead fallen logs blocking pathways.
Your kisses drifted away as you saw a hunched over deer, somewhat 10 paces away with its head burrowed in a bush.
Cirdan slowed, the deep drilling inside of you now merely a thick discomfort of occasional thrusts. He could feel you were getting lost in your worry, your grip on his shoulders loosening.
"Ma’sal’shiral," he grabbed your chin, turning you away from the fear of the forest. "Going to make you feel love unlike any creature has known;" he kissed you with wet lips, giving you breath and teeth. "So please, don't turn from me."
The horrible ache in his eyes, the twitch inside of you-- for how torturous it was for yourself, it was just as bad for him. You would've apologized, turned the mood even further south into sourness if he hadn't begun rocking again, holding your back to keep your sensitive skin away from the tree. He huffed into your cheek, pressing hard up against you as he cherished everything he could touch. The deer that once took over your thoughts was now pushed to the edge, your eyes half-shut now that all you could feel was the depth of your husband, his precum mixing with the heat of your hole. The crude sound of skin on skin, the slight slap of elf balls hitting your ass-- it nearly sent your mind into overdrive.
And even with the pain of tree bark rubbing against your skin, the stench of petrichor and sweat in your nose, you wouldn't trade this moment for anything.
This might even be better than the bed... Okay, maybe not. But that didn't matter with Cirdan so far inside of you he huffed with inclination, tempting to keep his orgasm at bay.
#honestly...would you do it? only the birds and the deer will be judging you#knives rants#writing#x reader#reader insert#self insert#male elf x reader#elf x reader#elf x human#Fantasy#Fantasy reader insert#monster fiction#Elf smut#Male elf X human reader#Gn reader#gender neutral reader#x gn reader#fem reader#female reader#male reader#x male reader#male elf#elf#kn1ves rants
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I find the eagles in The Hobbit to be fascinating. It's an interesting piece of world building in my opinion. Most fantasies even today mostly focus on humanoid species with the exception of dragons. I also have a tendency to love it when fantasy books take something familiar and give it a twist.
#the hobbit#eagles#lotr#tolkien#book#aesthetic#books and reading#professional yapper#rant post#birds#fantasy#aestethic#books#children's books
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