#billy hargrove bpd

[jaylikesrainbowtigers]

@disabledbillyandsteveweek - Day 5 - New Diagnosis

This is supposed to represent an extreme reaction to a diagnosis. It shows Billy’s various coping mechanisms, as a traumatized kid, that he falls back on as a result of his world view shifting after his BPD diagnosis.

[suspiciouslackofclowns]

I need to write a fic about Billy’s BPD and him splitting on Steve (or whoever)

For sanity purposes

[hargrove-mayfields]

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer

for Day 7 of MungroveWeek @mungroveweek

rating: teen

prompts: Big Spoon/Little Spoon, Touched after being touch-starved, Bruised skin, First kiss, Dungeons and Dragons.

content warnings: Referenced child abuse and abandonment, past relationship abuse, and mental health struggles.

————

Billy is the kind of guy that sees sex as the endgame in a relationship.

All the flirting and the posturing and the touchy-ness, it’s all just the build up until whoever is on the other end can get him in their bed, and then it’s over.

Not that he’s scared of commitment, that’s all that he could really want is some damn stability for once in his life, but he’s scared of what comes next. After they get that first time under the covers with him, they only want more and more from there. They just want to keep taking and taking and taking from him, until they’re demanding those three little words he hasn’t been able to utter in forever, and he can’t bear it.

Love just isn’t something Billy Hargrove is good at. That’s what he’s decided anyhow. It scares him and makes him think too much. But when he holds hands with a girl and feels that swell of pride in his chest, he wonders how much more intense that feeling would be like if there was a ring on her finger. When he kisses a boy and feels warmth all over, he wants that vulnerability to be a feeling he wakes up to every morning. So, maybe he’s just too messy to settle.

But the future isn’t something he has the luxury of looking forward to when he’s always stuck in the past.

So when Eddie Munson comes along in the harshest winter of his life, Billy gets attached real quick.

They don’t even have to touch for the butterflies to start twisting him up on the inside. Just that snarky laugh is enough to have him blushing like some goofy cartoon character. Eddie’s sort of like that, all animated and full of life.

Mostly in that Billy can’t believe he’s real.

That somehow he’s fallen in love all over again with some dork who brings him pretty leaves he found in the woods and who steals Billy’s pencils and returns them with ink all over them and who knows prose and lyrical shit from his musical endeavors but can’t pronounce Hargrove without a tiny bit of his uncle’s southern drawl slipping into his accent.

Everything about him is endearing, except maybe how he leaves crumbs in Billy’s car and doesn’t brush his hair more than once every three months, but that’s just part of his charm, as Eddie easily convinces him.

Especially since the first time he’s in Eddie’s bed, it isn’t for sex.

Before he could even get his hopes or his fears reared up, he’d been beaten back down, literally, and the only place he had to go was Eddie’s.

Eddie, who didn’t care that Neil Hargrove called him a fag and a bad influence as he hit his child just for knowing him. Eddie, who wrapped his lanky arms around Billy’s bruised up body and told him a story about a raccoon he saw from the window they’re both looking out of. Though Billy’s vision is blurred with tears, he’s just happy to be settled back to chest with his crush, held and cared for for the first time in hell, probably his eighteen years.

There’s no sex appeal to showing up snotty and bloody on Eddie’s stoop, just like there’s no ulterior motive to helping him.

It’s more like…

“Oh hey, the shaking stopped! That’s a sign, that’s a sign.” Eddie trying to break the silence is what it’s like. But Billy isn’t ready. His thoughts are racing too fast for his own good.

Nervousness clamps his stomach like a vice and makes him feel sick. So it’s back to Eddie to keep it from becoming too real, “Want me to give you some space?”

Somehow, that seems worse. Right now, Billy’s comfortable, safe. Take Eddie away, and he loses that glimpse at security. He hopes he doesn’t sound as distraught as he feels when he gives his brief answer to the air, “No.”

Audible panic or not, Eddie stays, well, Eddie. All nonchalant, like he’s done this a thousand and one times before. Billy hopes, despite himself, that that isn’t the case. Selfish maybe, but he’d really like this sort of care all to himself.

“Cool. I might fall asleep back here though. I can’t wiggle.”

Oh. Maybe he’d gotten his hopes up.

Billy acts to apologize, not only saying, “Sorry,” but also peeling away from Eddie's big spoon, about to slip out of the bed when those skinny arms flex and are able to use whatever they can muster to get Billy to stay. Call it desperation, judging from the speed and the airiness in Eddie’s voice once he pleads with him.

“No, it’s good. Wiggling is bad. It keeps me up all night and then I pass out in the middle of English class. Again. And when I conk off in English class I fail, and then I’ll stay up all night for the rest of my life thinking about being a loser. A never ending cycle.”

At least Billy isn’t the only one that feels like he isn’t enough. Not that it would’ve taken that to convince him, but he decides to breathe out his tension, and let Eddie bring their position back to the center of the mattress. The way he talks, so honestly and smoothly, it’s no wonder Billy’s chest feels like it could explode from how his heart pounds against his ribs.

To distract from the obvious, he decides to leave the moping and join in on the higher energy, to tease Eddie, pull his puffy pigtails a bit, “Now you’re gonna put me to sleep.”

“That’s a first. I'm usually annoying everyone clear into like, outer space levels of awake.” Eddie retorts, but there’s way too much emotion in it to just be a reciprocal joke.

Billy tries, in an overly casual way, to help, since Eddie is doing so much for him right now. The least he can do is let him vent back, and maybe offer a little comfort, “Nah. More like white noise to me.”

It lands. He can almost hear Eddies smile turn back on like the flick of a light switch, though he can’t see his face with the way Eddie is cuddling him like a child with his favorite teddy bear.

“That’s the nicest way anyone’s ever told me they’re ignoring me. And I mean that.” The actual words there are just light hearted and jokey, but his tone sells something a lot sweeter. Something that restarts Billy’s heart all over again, especially when the context catches up in Eddie’s next soft response, “You’re different, Billy.”

His instinct is to reject that comment, obviously said with warm intent, “Yeah. What other queer would show up and ask for fucking cuddles from a dude?”

But Eddie doesn’t flinch for even a second. Actually, he stuns Billy yet again with an even sappier comeback, “I dunno, I would probably. Especially from you. ‘Cause I like you so much.”

“You don’t gotta lie to me.” Billy’s voice quivers slightly. He can’t tell if he’s shaking in Eddie’s arms, but he feels like he should be.

Eddie Munson said he fucking likes him. While he’s in his bed. Honestly Billy should be used to that, but maybe it’s the outcome he knows is coming that makes him feel so anxious. He can’t stand to have to let go already.

That or it’s the never ending ease with which Eddie talks to him, like he’s this suave prince charming even though he’s seen the guy eat off of the cafeteria floor. That gentleness sends ripples of warmth down his spine from where Eddie’s breath puffs by his ear, “Who’s lying? Are you lying?”

Somehow that inspires Billy to be honest. As if that will change the outcome he has yet to avoid. He hopes, and he says, “Kind of. To myself.”

“So what’s the truth?” Eddie asks, even though, deep down, Billy was hoping he wouldn’t.

Because then he has to admit.. “That I like you back.”

A beat. Then Eddie squeezes him a tiny bit tighter, and says, like it’s the most casual thing, “Cool.”

Billy’s reaction of disbelief is visceral, a snorted, breathless laugh accompanied by a brief questioning, “That’s it? Just.. cool?”

Eddie’s arms move in what feels like a shrugging motion. Billy should have known he just said that and hadn’t meant it, should have the routine memorized enough by now to realize that he wouldn’t like him in that way.

Besides, Eddie has ICD. He doesn’t have control over his impulses the way most people do. It was stupid to assign meaning to the words that tumbled out of his friend's mouth just because he was being selfish. Or he was just hopeful that this time, the other person would care about him too.

Behind him, Eddie makes a sound like he’s thinking long and hard about it, before announcing, one hundred percent genuine, “Actually, no. I also meant to say- Yay!”

That’s all Billy can take. He just doesn’t get it. He wants to believe that Eddie isn’t just fucking with him, but his heart has been used too many times before. Seeking answers, and comfort, and a real love connection, Billy wiggles out of Eddie’s cuddles just to turn around and face him with questions in his eyes.

The happy little grin on Eddie’s face drops off when he sees that look in Billy’s.

Suddenly he’s so serious, and that almost hurts worse than any kind of rejection or loss, “Oh. Did I mess something up?”

Billy shakes his head to tell him that, no, Eddie hasn’t done a damn thing wrong. It’s his own stupid self that did this. But he does consider, for a moment, that the confession was authentic. He runs with it, can’t let go of that hope.

Still, he doesn’t understand why Eddie didn’t seem to want to take things a few bases ahead like everyone before him had, if he wasn’t lying about having feelings for Billy. “

You.. don’t want anything else?”

“Honestly, I’m just happy you didn’t climb out the window when I said I liked you.” As he speaks, Eddie smiles again, like he can’t keep the happiness away. He's always so lighthearted and genuine about everything.

Billy envies him. And loves him with so much of his heart, he can’t bring himself to speak for a moment.

Since he stays silent, letting his feelings play out through his expressions instead, Eddie offers a suggestion, emphasizing it with a gently placed hand to Billy’s cheek, “Let’s just take this at your pace. No expectations.”

“Kiss me?” Billy wills himself to ask, sacrificing his comfort in the silence to prepare for disappointment.

But Eddie provides something much more fulfilling, “Sounds easy enough.”

And he stays true to his word too.

Adjusting to once again close the tiny bit of space Billy had made between them when he turned to face this way, Eddie kisses him. It’s just a calm thing, the press of warm, slightly chapped lips together. The hand on Billy’s face cupping his jaw now instead, to make the gesture as strong and sturdy as the feelings behind it.

It doesn’t last long enough before Eddie dips away, so Billy decides to initiate another one. He misses the mark slightly in his overeagerness to reconnect, but Eddie either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, not even when that corner of his mouth ticks up into a smile beneath his kiss.

Billy decides then and there that he’s going to take more chances, if this was going to be the reward.

~~~~~

“Are you positive you want to stay?”

Billy has all but moved into the trailer at this point, spending long nights and weekends on Eddie's couch or in his bed, wherever he falls asleep. Right now, it was the couch, with the hand crocheted blanket from Eddie’s late aunt Roxie around his shoulders, and his hair all tousled about from sleeping on it. He passed out hard last night, coming here straight after another argument with Neil that hadn’t ended well.

Eddie eventually had to wake him up, only to inform him that a group of his friends would be over this weekend to play some campaign they’d agreed on weeks ago and Eddie had forgotten until the Henderson kid called him that morning to say that Maddie would be filling for Gareth, since he couldn’t make it and apparently decided to tell Henderson first.

All of that was over Billy’s head, half of the names Eddie is rambling off to him barely recognizable when all is said and done, maybe more from his memory getting fucky again than anything else. There’s lots of reasons for why his head gets foggy, but his doctor wasn’t sure if they could blame it on being knocked around too many times or a little something called constant chronic pain.

Either way he was being dragged to Hawkins before any such diagnosis was official.

And here he is now, comfortable as fuck on Eddie’s old worn-in couch, wearing his flannel because it’s he only thing his boyfriend owns that isn’t several sizes too small for his shoulders, and using his family heirloom blankets.

He’s here to stay.

“I’m not goin’ home, so.. why not?”

Eddie still looks skeptical, and voices as much in a doubtful tone, “Okay, but, this is your final warning. It can get really intense. Like, really really.”

Somehow Billy gets the feeling this wouldn’t be the first time someone told Eddie his interests were too much. Not that he doesn’t appreciate the way he’s looking out for him, but Billy doesn’t want to be the one to crush his boyfriend's spirit.

So he makes a light joke of it, “It’s a board game, Eds. And I’m sorry, but you thought Jaws 3-D was a masterpiece. I’m not sure your definition of intense and mine are the same”

Special interest mode, activated.

“It is! It perfectly parallels how humans think poetic justice is only valid if they personally can identify with the hero! That’s all it takes to be defined as a hero or a villain!! That kicks ass!” Eddie rants passionately for the hundredth time, though the pointed laugh before he starts speaking is Billy’s sign that it’s all in fun.

So he keeps it going, “Eddie. As your boyfriend I feel obligated to tell you this, but whatever commentary a movie about a revenge driven, computer generator shark has to offer, it probably wasn’t intentional.”

“It’s not meant to be realistic. Metaphors, baby!” Eddie defends, the actual depth of this conversation many times gone over already. This is just a summary of it for a little joke, though they could be here for hours if they wanted to.

Which means it’s Billy’s turn to infodump, all those years spent researching the ocean in the library and local California museums not gone to waste yet.

“But sharks don’t even raise their young! Real world or not! Revenge doesn’t matter to the creatures that don’t even stay a day after their shark babies are born to abandon them. I mean, they could at least wait ten years like my ma-”

Stop. Oops.

That wasn’t exactly what he was supposed to say. Or even what he meant to.

He’s always defended his mommas decisions to leave him behind. Something about Neil constantly reminding him how difficult he was as a kid probably did some numbers on his ability to process the whole thing. But sometimes, his heart reveals some sadder truths in this process of healing it.

Eddie's love wraps around his bones like an extra layer of support, seeping out all the bad. Sometimes he’s got to expel those thoughts whether or not he realizes it until they come pouring out of his mouth.

And then he feels sad.

Because he’s thinking about his momma.

Eddie moves quickly into caring mode, holding his arms out to invite Billy for a cuddle. The whole boundaries thing is still a pretty big deal, even though it’s been weeks, proving Eddie meant it when he said they didn’t have to rush this. Hell, Billy thinks Eddie might never stop asking for his consent for even just cheek kisses, in the silent language the two of them are slowly developing.

There’s trust there that Billy isn’t used to. Throwing himself blindly into love and hoping to be caught hadn’t worked, and neither had acting cold. Then Eddie had shown him other options, and there was no going back.

Billy leans into his hug, pushing just a little so Eddie lays back against the armrest with his arms still around Billy, pulling them together into the perfectly nested out, cozy spot where Billy slept last night.

Even though they slept only feet away from each other, he had missed Eddie. He missed waking up from a nightmare and kissing him, the warmth and the pressure of his limbs scattered all over the bed and over Billy, and even the sound of his not so gentle snoring. He’s become the routine, the only constant in Billy’s life that he’s desperate never to let go of.

Still, Eddie is the one to change the conversation, so the effort, and the intention of their love, must be equal, “Agree to disagree?”

“Sure.” Billy gives him that, too comfortable to argue about stupid things or bring up more trauma. He hadn’t meant to and now he feels a little drained. Nothing a little early morning spoon session can’t fix.

That’s why he has the confidence to push the boundary again, just enough comfort flowing through their connected energies now that he isn’t afraid of making Eddie upset, “Still coming to dnd tonight though.”

~~~~~

“What bet did you lose?”

There’s six people, all wearing matching shirts, all accessorized in various articles of plaid and leather and whatever else they think makes them look like Eddie. Serious respect to the one who actually asked the question, he’s guessing Maddie from the previous conversation, who wears her shirt like a cutoff and actually has her own taste.

That proves Eddie right though. Billy had walked out of the bedroom for all of two seconds before he’s being glared at and asked stupid questions.

He just hadn’t realized the implications of Eddie’s friends being the overwhelming part, rather than the game. The confusing, twisting, hell of a game he’s too afraid to even attempt.

“Excuse me?”

Even being used to fighting and drama, Billy just isn’t really sure how to respond to that. He knows what Eddie’s friend means, but at the same time, he doesn’t. As far as he knew, everyone in town had heard about Billy Hargrove’s fall from grace after a few nights ago when Neil went on a bender looking for his runaway son and telling anyone who asked exactly what he thought of his kid. And for punching said kid in the face again, which is why Billy had come here to begin with.

But maybe the lowest of the Hawkins High hierarchy doesn’t fill up on the products of the rumor mill as quickly as he’s used to from his spot near the top.

One of the other nameless ones chimes in next, even more sarcastic and cold than the girl, “What ungodly punishment are you subjecting yourself to by being here?”

Billy just doesn’t understand what he did. His most notorious moments in school were still mostly aimed at whichever groupies tried to get too close to him. The best he can come up with is that these nerds were all jealous of him living with Eddie now, but, no offense to the love of his life, that doesn’t seem very likely.

Thankfully, Eddie takes the heat and changes the subject before Billy is forced to figure out what kind of response is needed from that level of passive-aggressiveness.

He steps right in the center of the room and claps his hands a few times, both to get everyone’s attention and to put accentuation on his demands, “Hey. Shoes off in my house, dorkuses. Or need I remind you of the last time?”

That sounds like there’s a story there just waiting to be told, and considering Billy would rather hear that than keep being questioned, he takes the obvious bait, “What happened last time?”

“Why, dear Jeffrey over there tracked in some dog shit surprise. Had to cut a square out of the carpet because it-“ Eddie starts to explain, but before he gets too graphic with it, Billy interrupts.

“I got it, Eds. Don’t need all the details.”

The obvious disgust on his face is probably what makes Eddie giggle like a self-satisfied little kid, before he says, “Suit yourself. Just be lucky you met me after. Took months to get the stink out.”

Dustin, the only one of the freshmen trio that still shows up to these things often enough to be considered an official member, is of course the one to interrupt the flow between Billy and Eddie, just because the smug little bastard would be, “Funny. I thought you still smelled like dog shit.”

Billy’s got to give it to the kid, if that wasn’t a snide comment about his boyfriend, he’d absolutely be laughing right now. And okay, maybe he can’t suppress just the tiniest chuckle, which of course gets noticed in an instant by Eddie.

Which is enough to make him spring into action against the insult, literal physical action because he puts Dustin in a headlock and ruffles the shit out of the kids hair after knocking his hat off.

Seeing that the tension has been successfully defused, Billy decides he’s no longer needed. That and, even though he’s grateful Eddie cooled the situation off, he’s not really looking to have to defend himself constantly.

Over the ruckus of the play-fighting teenagers and the crowd of their friends chanting for who they’re placing soda-pop bets on, Billy announces, “I’ll order a pizza and fuck off again.”

Instantly Eddie freezes, his hair half-way in his eyes and his shirt wrinkled like Billy hadn’t carefully hung it on the line this morning from all the commotion, “You know you don’t have to do that.”

Billy isn’t sure if he’s talking about the pizza or the leaving, but he’s down for both. He’ll make an appearance again when it’s time to eat. Slow integration with all this noise and personality will probably be the best for him anyways.

He challenges Eddie’s question so he doesn’t have to worry, “Who else is going to?”

Eddie doesn’t do phone calls. It’s one thing to be loud and energetic in person, but put a speaker up to him and it’s like he has no clue what to say. Maybe it’s his wired different brain, but something about not being able to stare people in the face makes it a hell of a lot harder to get his point across.

So yeah, Billy’s got him beat there. Whatever Eddie’s problem is though, times it by twenty for the amount of anxiety sitting around this place at this very moment. This is the best decision and Billy would’ve stood by it even if Eddie said anything else. But he doesn’t.

So Billy puts his hand in the shape of a phone and shakes it, wanting to go kiss Eddie before he leaves the room but restraining the urge in front of all these people that probably wouldn’t get it, “Just call for me when Aggy gets here with the pizzas.”

~~~~

Later when everything’s said and done, they’re back to where they started.

Eddie is flat on his back, lanky limbs spread out like a starfish, while Billy curls up into his side, more like a koala. There’s a quilt over their tangle of bodies, but the slightly awkward yet somehow very comfortable position means they’re barely covered by it, though that’s fine anyways because Billy runs hot.

In his own little self-sustained furnace at his boyfriend's side, Billy’s also about to fall asleep, even just listening to Eddie’s extroverted self socialize all day having made him tired. His eyes snap open when Eddie asks him a question.

“Was today okay?”

The startle the abrupt cut in the silence gave him also earns him an apology kiss on the forehead from Eddie.

He’s okay though, because it reminds him that he wanted to put his head on Eddie’s chest, readjusting to get closer and comfier. His response is a sleepy after thought, a soft little hum of agreement, “Mhm.”

Eddie takes the opportunity to put his fingers in Billy’s hair and gently play with it, as he talks up at the ceiling, “I'm glad. Because I didn’t want to have to cut all of those dudes out of my life.”

“Like you’d choose me over all of them.” Billy murmurs, though he’s actually flattered that Eddie has even chosen him at all, no matter the order of importance.

And it only gets better when Eddie says..“I would. A thousand times over, I would. I love you, man.”

Because he says it so easily, like it isn’t a big deal.

Like it’s just a normal thing. Which it is. Billy can’t lie and say he doesn’t feel the same, but they haven’t said it out loud yet. He didn’t think they ever would, a fact he’d been okay with since the first time he realized he liked dudes and girls.

“Love.. me..?”

Eddie flushes red in an instant, all the way down under the collar of his shirt to where Billy’s head is resting, and he quickly tries to correct it like the questioning means he did something wrong, “Sorry. I promised to pace myself. I’ll take it back and lock it back up in my heart until you’re ready.”

Now Billy is just glad he already loves Eddie back, because that sickly sweet proclamation would have done him in otherwise. To ease the worry in his lover's pounding heart, he makes sure to let him know.

“No. S’okay. I love you too.”

So maybe Billy isn’t as bad at being in love as he thought.

He was once someone who thought all he mattered for was sex, a few moments of distraction for somebody who would forget him anyways. Over time, he’s been proven wrong

Billy Hargrove can be loved. It just took the right person- his match in love, the other half to his soul he found in Eddie- to show him that.

[queen-helaenas-pet-spider]

Billy Constantly Getting Let Down By Those Closest To Him + Rue Breaking Up With Jules = P A I N ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

[intothedysphoria]

Love how basically every scene with Billy in can basically be summarised by the phrase “bastards crying innit.”

He’s so real for that

[wonderneverlandsystem]

Day 3 of saying this until you all fuckin get it:

"VILLAINS ARE NOT BORN THEY ARE MADE!"

Today's post is dedicated to Billy Hargrove (Even though he was an antagonist not a villain, even though you fuckers love to call him one.)

[queen-helaenas-pet-spider]

Billy 'BPD {Borderline Personality Disorder} Coded' Hargrove and Steve 'The Favorite Person' Harrington.

This is so Harringrove. Billy only has a good day if Steve looks at him. If Steve’s occupied with Nancy or schoolwork or the Upside Down, Billy’s day is shit.

[disabledbillyandsteveweek]

Announcement! Upcoming Event!

Hello Harringrove fandom!!

July is disability pride month, and since Billy and Steve are both canonically disabled characters (Billy has bpd, and Steve has tbi), my amazing friend and I have decided to create a week long event celebrating them! It will run sometime in July, with the date still being decided (we will keep you updated!)

This event will be run by @hargrove-mayfields and @intothedysphoria, EJ and Max respectively, who are both disabled creators in the fandom! Our experiences as such have inspired us to host this event dedicated entirely to raising awareness and support for Steve and Billy’s disabilities!

Any content will be allowed, from art, to edits, to playlists, to fic of any length! There are no limitations except it is preferred that there is no extreme or proship content. 18+ creations will be allowed as long as everything is tagged properly, and the interactions are safe and consensual!

The main rule: The fic must feature Billy and/or Steve. Other ships are allowed. That means this isn’t just a Harringrove event, just a celebration of Billy and Steve in general!

Also, either Billy or Steve must be explicitly disabled regardless of who they are shipped with. This can be any disability, canon or headcanon. A modern definition of disability is any state of being that causes an individual to face social barriers. Including but not limited to: sensorial impairments, learning delays, chronic conditions, certain mental health disorders, and physical differences.

Prompts will be provided soon once interest is gathered so creators can begin working! No sign ups required!

Additionally, depending on the number responses we get here, we might create a discord server for members of the event!

[gracegrove]

not super on topic, but because of some of the things going on in posts lately and talking with a mutual it really got me thinking about how some users on here will cling onto psych degrees and use it to preemptively categorize and diagnose billy hargrove and then in turn come after those who like him.

and it made me realize

they are seeing mental health diagnoses like this:

as stand-alone categories with clearly distinguishable borders.

above are all diagnoses that i believe billy would meet criteria for on at least a superficial level.

when in reality diagnosing looks more like this:

in which there are no borders, symptoms can and will overlap across many diagnoses, and it takes time, skill, and listening to your client and understanding their history and needs to look at those blurry overlapping spaces particularly.

billy's anxiety symptoms could truly be just symptoms of anxiety. but they could be symptoms of hypervigilance and overall heightened arousal and reactivity due to living in an abusive environment, which would speak more to PTSD. they could also be representative of BPD symptoms in terms of relationship instability as well as the stress and upheaval he has just gone through moving to hawkins.

billy could experience periods of low mood this could be Major Depressive Disorder but could also be Dysthymia, Bipolar II, so on. billy's difficulties with emotion regulation and (possibly) implied swings in mood could be indicative of BPD, but are also symptom markers of Bipolar and Cyclothymic disorders, and are also noted as disruptive behaviors in ADHD.

I think there's a lot to be said about how nuanced diagnosis can be, it's definitely not as simple as cracking the DSM, thumbing to the right section, and just checking off a few boxes. Because sooooo many symptoms can cross into other disorders and not even stay within the same classification. they can easily jump from trauma disorders to psychotic disorders to mood disorders to personality disorders. why? because these symptoms are common and symptoms aren't the only thing that make a diagnosis.

you must consider all these: symptoms, onset (when did it start), duration (how long has it been happening), and severity (what level of impairment/are there a little vs a lot of symptoms)

if i eyeballed billy hargrove without a diagnostic interview i might've said Oppositional Defiant Disorder.... and guess who'd be wrong? Me. because you can't just blatantly categorize, eyeball, or sum up a person. it ain't that simple.

learn to consider that all lines are blurred and that those blurs are where all the information is.

[sewers-headmates]

hi!! we’d love a pair of steve and billy fictives, transharmed and transharmful, dating if possible

thank you so much!! <3

we did use the new form but did cut info to not burn out over how long it will be. i just really enjoy stranger things! i think you meant transHarmed Steve and transHarmful Billy ngl was gonna do it the other way but decided that’s what you meant!

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Info

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Name: Steve

Last Name: Harrington

Age: 17

Pronouns: he/him

Height: 5’11

Species: human, transDog

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Labels

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Gender: male

Sexual Orientation: bisexual

Romantic Orientation: biromantic

Mono, Ambi, Poly: ambi

cisIDs: brown hair, brown eyes, student, teenager, DPD, BPD, PTSD

transIDs: transHarmed, transAbused, permaTraumatized, permaIsolated, transForcedPet, transDog, transDogEars, transDogTail, transHPD, transAutistic

Paraphiles: masochist, autozoophile, maniaphilia, cordophilia, autoaptophilia

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System Info

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Roles: trauma holder, personal punching bag

Source: stranger things

Front Triggers: billy, source, any real 80s aesthetic

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Personality

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Summery: To most people Steve is pretty confident and cocky though when around Billy he tends to shrink down to be more shy and passive as well as clingy to the other. He still loves kids and is great with them and will put his foot down in their in danger, though most of the time he is passive.

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Fun Extras

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Typing Quirk: none

Playlist: not mine, 2h4m

Appearance:

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Info

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Name: William, Billy

Middle Name: George, James, John, Michael, David, Henry

Last Name: Hargrove

Age: 17

Pronouns: he/him

Height: 5’10

Species: human

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Labels

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Gender: cis male

Sexual Orientation: gay

Romantic Orientation: demiromantic

Mono, Ambi, Poly: ambi

cisIDs: dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, anger issues, NPD, god complex, OCD, religious delusions

transIDs: transHarmful, transAbuser, transGaslighter, transBPD, transFP, transADHD, transGod

Paraphiles: sadist, necrophilia, thanatophilia, biastophilia, mastigophilia, traumaphilia, pyrophilia

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System Info

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Roles: anger holder, protector

Source: stranger things

Front Triggers: steve, swimming

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Personality

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Summery: Billy is a cruel and impulsive alter who focuses on himself mainly. This doesn’t mean he’s harmful to the body or the system at large. He in fact will take great care of the body if it’s in danger. He takes out most of his anger on Steve though he truly does love and care for him.

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Fun Extras

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Typing Quirk: none

Playlist: not mine, 3h30m

Appearance:

i hope you enjoy these two! i’m proud of how they turned out! :D

-mod richie (with help from Estella)

[rxttenslutcemeterysys]

✡⤷ billy hargrove

he ` it ` fuck + 18yr old + ambiamorous / questioning / trans ftm

< ??/??/???? 3 single

afab transmasc ftm, has top surgery but not bottom

— introj. / fictives , rage hldr , sxl alter , hypsx hldr, bpd hldr [other roles not mentioned due to privacy]

— signoff is -🚬

— involuntarily age regressor

★★ notes

looking for eddie munson /r steve harrington /r max mayfield /fam /p and other sourcemates/mediamates

neil hargrove IWEC

prefers to be called hargrove over billy and is actively testing out marcel and alistair, but name suggestions are welcome

touch ; yes/no/ask

flirting ; yes/no/ask [adults/around my age only]

petnames ; yes/no/ask

personal blog,, do not have one

[billyharringson]

Chapter 2 of 'little and broken, but still good' is now up. And as I'm privating all my fics I'm going to stop being lazy and put the summaries and stuff in these posts.

Ship: Mungrove

Additional tags: Billy Hargrove Lives, Eddie Munson Lives, Hard of Hearing Billy Hargrove, Disabled Billy Hargrove, Billy Hargrove has Chronic Pain, Single Parent Eddie Munson, Kindergarten Teacher Billy Hargrove, Eddie Names His Daughter After Chrissy, Chrissy is Dead, Past Substance Abuse, Past Drug Addiction, Past Child Abuse, The Title Is A Reference To Lilo And Stitch, Chrissy Munson Has OCD, OCD, hard of hearing character, Mobility Aids, Autistic Chrissy Munson, Kind of angsty, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Disability From Abuse, Neil Hargrove is His Own Warning, Rating May Change, Billy Hargrove has BPD

Chapter summary: Unlike many of his colleagues Billy hadn’t grown up wanting to be a teacher, especially not a kindergarten teacher, but a few summers spent teaching children to swim during high school and he’d realised that he actually had a knack for helping kids realise their potential. He’d also discovered that he had a passion for it as well, especially when it came to the kids like him, the ones with…difficulties. He’d know about his own neurodivergency from a young age but hadn’t been able to get a diagnosis until he’d gone to college, mostly because his father wouldn’t stand for any kind of ‘difference’ in his children.

AO3:

[jaylikesrainbowtigers]

God, I am so appalled by what I have been hearing lately. I am part of a Billy Hargrove fan community and people have been describing the verbal abuse they have been receiving on this site. So I have decided to state my views on the matter.

Billy Hargrove did do terrible things. He is also a abuse victim and a minor (for a majority of the series)! Claiming he should have been killed by Steve or a different awful fate because he deserved it, is a awful mentality and blames victims. It is ableist too as Billy is canonically disabled (Bpd). Yes, Billy had his faults and things he needed to be redeemed for. But he never deserved to die or be further abused for it.

Karen Wheeler was a pedo. So were all her pool friends. Billy was a minor and they were attempting to get sex out of him. They also bullied another minor (Heather) simply because she was on before Billy. She limited their behaviour. They are not good people or icons. They are literal pedos.

If you Stan Vecna/Henry but hate Billy. Why is that? Vecna is a grown adult (yes abuse survivor but still a adult). He literally killed people and went on to manipulate and abuse others continually. Including Billy. Billy did wrong and he did not treat Max or the party as he should have. He was not a murderer who attempted literal genocide. But he was a minor who was in constant presence of his abuser, living with a invisible disability which he couldn’t manage.

Most importantly you do not attack and bully people simply for liking a character. You do not know what that person has experienced. You do not know what that person feels. I think people forget that on the internet. I won’t comment on your views if I don’t hold the same ones and you shouldn’t on mine. Everyone will ship different things and people need to just respect it. Don’t like it? Don’t look at it. It is easy

[queen-helaenas-pet-spider]

Fruity BPD Babes That Got Possessed

[problematic-fictive-edits]

if its not too much trouble, could we get a queue check?

Sure thing!

Stimboard for Morty (Rick and Morty) with neon greens, bright reds, yellows, science experiments, and destruction

Moodboard for Dabi (My Hero Academia) with themes of fire, cats, and abandoned buildings

Moodboard for Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things) with themes of space and oceans

Moodboard for Catra (She-Ra The Princess of Power) with themes of soft love, cats, and baked treats

LGBT icon for a Polyamorous C!Tubbo (YouTuber)

Stimboard for G-Man (Half-Life) with clothing, space themed, and stirring stims

Stimboard for Popee (Popee the Performer) with pinks, pastels, sweet lolita fashion, jewelry/crystals, and bunnies

LGBT icons for a Trans Non-Binary Mizore Shirayuki (Rosario+ Vampire)

Moodboard for Ame (Needy Streamer Overload) with themes of BPD and Love

Stimboard for Kevin (Welcome to Night Vale) with yellow, purple, smiley faces, and deserts

Stimboard for Sly Cooper (Sly Cooper) with blue, gems, the night/stars, the ocean, minor pink and green themes)

LGBT icons for a Trans Tubbo with bees

Stimboard for Fenrir (Norse Mythology) with green, black, and ice

Stimboard for Evolto (Kamen Rider Build) with black and grey liquid/stirring stims

LGBT Icons for a Transfem Kokichi Ouma (Danganronpa 3)

Stimboard for Brahms Heelshire (The Boy) with flowers, stuffed animals, and yellow

Moodboard for Voldemort (Harry Potter) with themes of snakes, potions, and mother/feminine themes

Stimboard for Wilbur Soot (YouTuber) with blue, flowers, and food stims

Stimboard for Ranboo (YouTuber) with black, white, purple, glitter, and texture stims

Purple Floral Icons for Kuya (Nu Carnival)

Stimboard for Chocola (Nekopara) with glitter, squishy plushies and paws

Stimboard for Satou Matsuzaka (Happy Sugar Life) with fruits, animals, and calligraphy

Stimboard for Springtrap (Five Nights at Freddy's 3) with horror, robotics, rabbits, and things that remind him of his daughter

Moodboard for Kaeya (Genshin Impact) with themes of regret, unrequited love, ice, wine, and peacocks

Nature Icons for an obscured Oh Sangwoo (Killing Stalking)

LGBT icons for an AroAce Bridget (Guilty Gear Strive)

LGBT icons for a Bi, Boyflux Aizawa (My Hero Academia)

Stimboard for Darwinism (Realicide) with dark red, liquid, and metals

Moodboard for Ciel Phantomhive (Black Butler) with themes of devotion, victorian architecture, mourning, and lilies

LGBT and Mental Health icons for a bisexual John Doe (John Doe+) with BPD

Stimboard for Hank J. Wimbleton (Madness Combat) with medical equipment, hospitals, weapons, and femininity

LGBT icons for a Fictivegender, flamegender, firegender Dabi (My Hero Academia)

LGBT and Mental Health icons for a genderfluid Ivan Braginski (Hetalia) with PTSD

Stimboard for C!Tommy (YouTuber) with cows and flowers

Current Drafts

Stimboard for Jschlatt (YouTuber) with amber/soft browns, mossy greens, fluffy themes, texture stims, and ram horns

Current ask box

LGBT and Mental Health icons for Trans, Bi Huxley (Don't Toy with Me) with Autism

Stimboard for Serial Designation V (Murder Drones) with bubbles and robot tech

Stimboard for G-man (Half-Life) with Lego, space, and Liminal space

LGBT and Mental Health icons for genderfluid Scaramouche/Wanderer (Genshin Impact) with NPD

LGBT and Mental Health icons for an agender Philip Wittebane (The Owl House) with NPD

Moodboard for Lance (Epic Battle Fantasy) with themes of guns, explosion, smoking, and red

Stimboard for Ayato Kamisato (Genshin Impact) with gifs that fit his color palette and swords

Current queue ends on May 4th, 2023. Once the drafts and asks on this list are done, it'll end on May 18th, 2023.

~💖 Bebe

[herbouquetreign]

Billy Hargrove definitely has bpd. Speaking from someone who has it,the tell signs are there. Clear as day. But it’s a shame that in media,people with bpd are looked at as bad people. When all we really want is to not feel like we’re a burden who makes it hard for people to be around them. Many signs of trauma are formed into anger and lashing out toward others or themselves. People with bpd need reassurance that they’re not bad people;and that the right people won’t abandon you.

He shows signs:

-when going to the Byers house after being beaten. (The violent behavior is intensified when he’s beaten there,and ganged up on by the encouragement of the kids)

-when he was blamed for their move in the car while driving max home from school. (I truly believe he wasn’t going to actually hit mike,Dustin,or Lucas. He just wanted to get a rise out of max) most bpd people get defensive and explosive when they feel ganged up on

-when cornered in a hot sauna to break down and beg for forgiveness (Ik he was possessed,but that’s metaphorically the ugly other side of his bpd taking over)

-when he feels powerless in his own home so he protects himself by showing violence.

-when he involves himself in harmful activities to just feel something (i.e. hooking up with a bunch of girls from school/ going to hook up with someone that looks like the person who abandoned him,speeding without a seatbelt,beating up anyone who gets close enough to possibly make him falter, substance abuse as a form of self medicating to cope)

-self sacrificing because that’s how he shows love. Either with the mindflayer, or defending his mom by fighting his dad

-when he wears the jewelry of the person who abandoned him in a way to feel close to her

-when he gets angry and annoyed easily

-when he says he breaks things when no one listens to him

Be gentle with people with bpd. They want to be good people. A lot of people have done wrong by them;it takes time with these individuals. And he definitely deserved better.