#biggest dumbass on earth

[carlos-in-glasses]

.

[dgaftilwedie]

how i feel after fucking a perfectly good run with something stupid (popped an im excited pill and accidentally ran into a spike door room w/ guppy's head in wombs 2. i had one heart and no teleport card. i could not leave.)

[juleswritesstuff]

The Pillow Contract

James Potter seems to have found the best pillow on earth. You.

james potter x fem!reader

warnings: none

James liked to consider himself a man of simple pleasures. 

A good meal ? Heaven. A lazy Sunday spent wrapped in a blanket burrito ? Perfection. A well-timed, sarcastic remark ? Chef’s kiss.

But above all else, there was one thing James had come to love more than anything in the world.

Your chest.

Well, you as a whole, of course. Body and soul alike. He was not a bloody prick, thank you very much. 

He loved you for you, not just for the flawless vessel that carried your golden heart and your beautiful mind.

But he couldn't help the way he was especially drawn to the perfection that peeked from your neckline when your shirt hung a little lower than usual.

And he also could not, in good conscience, ignore the life-altering comfort that was that perfection.

Now, to be clear, James wasn’t just some guy obsessed with his girlfriend’s body –okay, maybe he was a little addicted. 

But, come on, who could blame him when you were said girlfriend ? 

He was supposed to be a bit obsessed with you, right ? That’s what every person in their sane, right and helplessly in love mind would be about their partner, no ? 

Was that just him ? 

Ok, fine, maybe he was a bit of a simp (read, you had him at your feet). So what ? 

He liked it exactly like that. Sue him.

But this ? This was different. 

This wasn’t just about attraction or some primal male instinct. No, this was about something sacred.

This was about comfort.

The kind that he’d accidentally stumbled upon one evening when you had curled up next to him on the couch, and his head had somehow –miraculously– ended up resting right on your chest.

That’s when he had discovered it.

The Holy Grail of pillows. The pinnacle of all headrests.

Your chest was perfect. 

Warm. Soft. Inviting.

It had been life-changing. Existence-altering. World-stopping.

And in that moment, with his head resting against the softest, most heavenly cushion known to mankind, and your heart beating under his ear like a lullaby, James had made a decision.

He was never going back to regular pillows again.

Ever.

The problem was, he didn’t exactly know how to turn this into a permanent arrangement without looking like an absolute fool.

Which, really, was ironic, because James didn’t mind acting like the biggest dumbass in the world when it came to you. Not even a tiny bit.

The man had zero shame, and zero chill when you were involved.

If he had to beg ? Done.

If he had to bribe you with kisses ? Oh no, how awful.

If he had to declare his undying devotion in front of his friends and suffer their relentless teasing ? Call Sirius and Remus over, he was ready to suffer.

If he had to wear one of those, frankly quite obnoxious --yes, even for him-- ‘I ❤️ My Girlfriend’ shirts in public just because you wanted him to suffer a bit for forgetting the chores ? Consider it his new favorite outfit.

He’d do anything and everything –yes, even sacrificing his dignity in front of Pads and Moony– if it meant putting a smile on your face (and making you agree to be used as a headrest for the rest of your life. But let’s just say that was a teeny, tiny, wonderful bonus if the case ever came to be).

Tonight was his chance, he told himself.

You were already curled up on the couch, wearing one of his hoodies, your legs tucked beneath you as you scrolled through your phone. The dim lighting of the room cast a soft glow over you, and James took a moment to appreciate the scene. 

Because, honestly ? You looked really good.

Too good.

Like, unfairly good.

The hoodie –his hoodie, the one he had technically claimed as his favorite, but which spent more time on your body than his closet– was slightly oversized on you, slipping off one shoulder in a way that made his brain short-circuit for a second.

This was his moment.

You were comfortable. The couch was comfortable. 

And your chest ? Well, that was a level of bliss he had yet to find anywhere else in the world.

Time to execute: Operation Smothered by Heaven.

Ok, the name was a little ridiculous. But, to his defence, he had been a little distracted while thinking about it –the dress you were wearing mysteriously met the floor not even five minutes after he had taken a glimpse of you– and his brain had refused to work at his full potential.

Something that he absolutely couldn’t let happen now. 

Not when the fate of his comfort and sanity was at such a high risk.

That’s why he casually –so casually– stretched like a giant cat just waking up from a nap, letting out an exaggerated yawn before –still ever so nonchalantly, of course– leaning closer.

And would you look at that ? His head, as if drawn by an invisible magnetic force he absolutely had no control on –God forbid– found its way to your chest.

It was seamless. 

Flawless execution.

Absolutely fucking nailed that.

He gave himself a mental high five.

Operation Smothered by Heaven: officially successful.

“Wow. Smooth” you blinked down at him, amused.

James grinned but didn’t move. Not even an inch. Nope. 

He had claimed his rightful place, and there was no going back now.

“What can I say ? Gravity is a powerful thing” he purred, his voice smug, his eyes half-lidded like a cat who had just found the warmest sunspot in the house.

“Ah, I see. So this is all gravity’s fault, then ?”

“Absolutely” he confirmed, burrowing his face in just a little more “I have no control over it. Pure science”

You snorted, shaking your head, but you didn’t push him away. 

Of course you didn’t.

If anything, you shifted slightly, letting your arm drape around his back, your fingers absentmindedly tracing along his spine. He hummed in approval, his whole body melting against yours like ice under the warm sunlight of a summer’s day.

Because the thing James didn’t know –or, at the very least, seemed to forget– was that he wore his heart on his sleeve. Always.

James Potter and secret scheming ? Not a good match. 

Not a match at all, actually. But you still liked watching him try.

And with the way he had been ogling you for the past week, it really wasn’t hard to figure out what had been brewing in that ridiculously pretty head of his.

His thoughtful frown, the way his brows scrunched together, his deep-in-thought lip-biting. James had looked like he was trying to crack some highly classified government code.

Except the code in question was you.

Or, more specifically, that area right below your neck that seemed to steal his attention more times then it should've been considered healthy.

Subtle, he was not.

He had been studying you. Analyzing the way your sweaters dipped lower when you leaned forward, the way the fabric of your shirts clung to your curves, the way–

God.

James had the audacity to look like he was pondering the meaning of life when, really, all he was trying to find was an excuse.

Funny how he could’ve just asked.

It wasn’t like you would have refused him.

Hell, you didn’t even think you possessed the ability to refuse him. To refuse him anything, really.

But your smitten and extremely down-bad behavior when it came to your boyfriend was a topic for another time.

James let out a deep, satisfied sigh.

“You know” he murmured, voice slightly muffled as he nuzzled closer “I think I’ve discovered something important”

“Oh ?”

“Mhm” he tilted his head up, his expression dead serious. Like a man delivering a life-changing revelation “Your chest ? Best pillow I’ve ever used”

You raised an eyebrow, a quiet grin making its way onto your mouth. “I should be flattered, I think”

“You should be honored” he corrected, his lips quirking into a lazy smirk “I mean, it’s a very competitive market. But yours ? Easily top-tier”

You rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t hide the smile tugging at your lips. “Is that right ?”

James nodded solemnly. 

“Hell yeah, baby. I’d even write a five-star Yelp review if that were a thing”

You let out a soft laugh and slid your fingers into his hair, gently scratching at his scalp.

James immediately melted.

He let out a low, contented hum, eyes slipping shut, the tension in his body dissolving completely. You thought if he was a cat, he would’ve started purring.

“Mmh. Keep doing that, and I might never get up” he mumbled, voice already laced with drowsiness.

“Wouldn’t mind that” you teased.

Because, really, who in their right mind would complain about this ?

No one, that's who.

And surely not you.

James hummed in response, his arms tightening around your waist burying himself further into you. You could feel the steady rise and fall of his breathing, the warmth of his body seeping into yours. 

His lips brushed absentmindedly against your collarbone –a barely-there press of warmth that sent a quiet shiver down your spine.

This. This was perfection.

Then, because James Potter simply could not help himself, he tilted his head up again.

“So, uh... just out of curiosity. How often do you think I can get away with this ?”

You smirked. “That depends”

“On ?”

“How well you behave”

James’ eyes darkened slightly, though amusement still played at the edges. 

“Define behave” his voice dropped, all smooth and teasing, like he could coax an answer out of you if he said it just right.

You arched a brow, pretending to think. 

“Well, let’s see. No stealing the blankets at night. No pretending you don’t hear me when I ask you to grab something from the kitchen. And definitely no distracting me when I’m trying to get work done”

James gasped, offended.

“That last one is unreasonable and you know it”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Oh, is it ?”

“Yes. It is literally part of my rights as your boyfriend to distract you”

You hummed, pretending to ponder your decision.

“Well, if we can do nothing about that…” your hand cupped his cheek, slender fingers applying a gentle pressure to lift his face up from that cocoon of warmth he had nestled himself into.

He blinked. “I-wait. What ?”

Before he could fully register what was happening, you leaned down and captured his lips in a slow, lazy kiss.

James melted.

Like, gone. Out of commission. Absolute goner.

The smug confidence he had a second ago ? Obliterated.

His hands, which had been lazily resting at your waist, tightened, pulling you closer like he never wanted to let go. One of them trailed up your spine, fingers tangling into your hair, holding you there like this was oxygen and he needed it to breathe.

You sighed against his lips, feeling the way James shuddered, the way his grip on you tightened, like he was physically trying to keep himself from falling apart.

Like you had just ruined him.

And maybe you had.

Because when you pulled back just enough to catch your breath, James just blinked at you, dazed and utterly wrecked, lips still parted like he hadn’t quite caught up with reality yet.

You bit back a smirk.

Unbelievable.

How had this man made a full-time career out of turning you into putty, and yet one well-placed kiss had him looking like he’d just been personally blessed by the universe ?

You dragged your fingers lazily through his curls, watching the way his lashes fluttered at the sensation, the slow, dopey grin tugging at his lips.

Completely gone.

You tilted your head, murmuring teasingly against his mouth “Was that up to your standards, Mr. Five-Star Review ?”

James, still grinning –and still absolutely useless– just nodded.

"Five stars ? That was worth the entire Milky Way, baby"

You let out a laugh, and James practically glowed at the sound, his fingers flexing against your waist like he wanted to bottle it.

Then, before you could say anything else, he tilted his head, brushing his nose against yours in that infuriatingly sweet way of his.

"You know-" he murmured, voice all warm and syrupy "-if this is part of my reward system, I promise to be so good"

You smirked, fingers tracing idle patterns into the back of his neck. “Do you now ?”

James nodded solemnly, though the grin he was fighting gave him away.

“The best. Model citizen. Proper gentleman. Will hold doors, carry bags, call you milady unironically if I have to”

You snorted. Loudly.

"Now that, I need to see"

James hummed, tilting his head up like he was about to deliver the most profound statement of his life.

“Mmh. Maybe after another kiss”

Your eyes narrowed playfully. “That so ?”

He nodded again, already leaning in, his lips curling mischievously.

You let your fingers drag slowly down the back of his neck, feeling the way James shivered under your touch.

The moment stretched, thick with something warm and electric, the air between you charged in that intoxicating way it always was whenever you teased him like this.

You leaned in deliberately, lips hovering just over his, close enough that you could feel the ghost of his breath, the heat radiating off his skin.

James, for all his usual smugness, stilled, his lazy smirk faltering into something softer, deeper. His lips parting slightly, his pupils dark and expectant.

Waiting.

Wanting.

You let your gaze drop to his lips, watching as his tongue darted out just once, a quick, unconscious flick, like he was already tasting the kiss before it happened.

And, God, he was beautiful like this.

All that usual bravado stripped down to this, his sharp edges melted, his hands twitching slightly where they rested on your hips, fighting the urge to pull you closer.

His restraint was admirable.

His patience ?

Well. That was something you just had to test.

You leaned in that final inch –only for your lips to land on his cheek instead.

Soft. Chaste. Infuriating.

James let out a dramatic, suffering groan, his head thunking back against the cushions.

“Tease” he mumbled, voice hoarse, his hands finally losing their battle as they gripped your waist, fingers pressing into your sides like he was physically holding back the urge to grab your face and kiss you properly.

You pulled back just enough to grin down at him, impossibly pleased with yourself.

“What ?” you asked innocently, tilting your head “You asked for a kiss. You didn’t specify where, love”

James cracked one eye open, glowering.

“Oh, that’s dirty” he grumbled, before huffing dramatically and rolling onto his back, taking you with him.

You yelped as you landed against his chest, sprawled across him, your laughter cut off when his arms wrapped around you, pinning you against him with the strength of a human vice grip.

“James-”

“Nope” he said, shoving his face into your neck like a petulant child, muffling his words “You’re stuck here now. Actions have consequences”

You laughed, wiggling in his hold, but he just tightened his grip.

“James”

“Mmm. Nope”

“I-”

“Shh. Thinking about my suffering”

You rolled your eyes, smiling despite yourself, your fingers naturally finding their way into his curls again, scratching lightly at his scalp.

He made a sound, deep and content, his body practically melting beneath you.

“See ?” you teased, voice softening “That wasn’t so bad”

James exhaled heavily, but his hands had already started skimming over your back again, lazy and unbothered, like he’d completely forgotten why he was fake-pouting in the first place.

“Mmh” he hummed “Don't know. Still feel like you owe me”

You smirked, arching a brow. “Oh ?”

“Yeah” James sighed dramatically, finally tilting his head up again. Looking at you.

That expression.

Soft. Mischievous. A little challenging.

Maybe even a little hopeful.

Like he was just waiting for you to put him out of his misery.

You let the moment stretch for a beat longer, lips quirking.

Then, with a small, amused sigh, you finally gave in.

And kissed him properly.

For a few moments, the two of you just stayed like that, tangled together, basking in the warmth of each other’s touch.

You felt him smile against your lips before he pulled back just enough to murmur “So… hear me out”

“Oh boy” you sighed, already knowing. 

James just grinned, completely unbothered by your lack in faith in him.

“What if we made this a permanent arrangement ?”

You let out a soft laugh, tilting your head at him. “A permanent arrangement ?”

“Yeah. Like, an official thing. A contract, even” he lifted his head slightly, hie expression the picture of seriousness “Something binding. A legally recognized agreement that states you will be my official human pillow for the foreseeable future”

You stared at him, an eyebrow quirked in amusement, lips twitiching. 

“You want to draft a pillow contract ?”

James nodded, almost professionally. 

“For accountability purposes”

You rolled your eyes, a disbelieved chuckle leaving your lips before you could stop it. 

“You’re ridiculous”

“But lovable” he pointed out.

You exhaled, shaking your head, your heart betraying you with the sheer amount of fondness you felt for this man.

“Fine” you relented, rolling your eyes as if you weren’t already completely gone for him “You win. You can rest on me whenever you want”

James grinned like he’d just won the lottery, wasting no time in smacking a quick, eager kiss right on your lips.

“But” you added, poking him in the ribs “I reserve the right to move if you start drooling”

“Excuse me ?” James gasped, offended “I do not drool”

You smirked. “That’s not what the couch cushions say”

James gasped again, dramatically this time, like you had personally insulted his honor “That was one time-”

“Oh, it so wasn’t”

James pouted, pulling you even closer and pressing his forehead against yours with a grumble.

“You wound me” he muttered, a mock distraught lilt to his voice.

You grinned, the warmth of him, the smell of him, completely surrounding you as you pressed a kiss to his jaw, lingering just enough to feel the way his breath hitched.

“I think you’ll survive just fine”

James hummed, tilting his head slightly, inviting you to keep going.

So you did.

You let your lips trail along his jawline, slow and lazy, your fingers threading through the curls at the nape of his neck, scratching lightly in a way that made him melt.

“Well” James sighed, voice lower, heavier, the tiniest shiver running through him “If this is how you comfort me, I guess I’ll forgive you”

You laughed against his skin.

“How generous”

James smirked, but there was something else in his eyes now, something wicked, something that sparked just before–

Before the menace shimmied down.

Yes. Shimmied. Like a man with a mission.

“James-”

Your protest was cut off by laughter, because he was determined, wriggling lower and lower with expert precision, slipping out of your hold like a human-sized golden retriever trying to find the perfect spot on the couch.

And then, with a triumphant sigh, his head landed where he had been aiming all along–

Right on your chest.

James let out a deep, satisfied hum, snuggling in, his nose nuzzling into the soft fabric of your shirt like this was some long-lost paradise he had just returned to.

“Now we’re talking” he exhaled in sheer satisfaction, like the heaviest of weights had been lifted from his shoulders, snuggling even deeper, and muttering an appreciative “Mmh. Yep. Definitely five stars”

You blinked down at him, helpless to fight the way your heart swelled, a smile threatening to bloom against your better judgment.

“Should I start charging you for this service ?” you teased.

James hummed, content, his lips brushing absently against the skin just below your collarbone.

“I’d go broke, baby”

You let out a soft, breathy laugh, your fingers finding their way back into his hair, your nails scratching lightly at his scalp.

James groaned, pressing his face deeper into your chest, mumbling something incoherent that you were pretty sure translated to never stop doing that.

Before you could fully process how utterly whipped this man was, he pressed a soft, lingering kiss there –just because he could.

You pulled back slightly, blinking down at the mop of messy chocolate strands currently buried between your collarbones. 

“Do you make a habit of kissing all your pillows ?” you asked, voice mildly amused despite the unreasonable warmth now flooding your chest.

James, completely unashamed, grinned against you. 

“Pillows don’t usually deserve appreciation, but this one ?” his fingers traced slow, lazy patterns against your waist, his voice dropping to a reverent murmur “This one gets special treatment”

A full-body shiver rolled through you.

And James, that absolute menace, felt it.

His smirk was obnoxiously satisfied as he nuzzled in even deeper, practically purring as he molded himself further against you.

You rolled your eyes, trying –truly trying– to ignore the overwhelming affection clawing at your ribcage. And utterly failing.

“Jamie, you’re gonna choke like this” you warned playfully, fighting against yourself not to let out the endeared laugh threatening to spill.

James made a noncommittal noise, fully unbothered.

“Best way to go, honestly”

And that was it.

Not one beat missed. Not a single ounce of shame registered in his voice.

You stared wide-eyed at the mop of untamable chocolate curls right below your chin, completely bewildered by the words that had just come out of your boyfriend’s mouth.

Did this man, the actual lover of your life, just casually declare that he would willingly –no, gladly– perish via boob-related asphyxiation ?

Because that was what it sounded like.

Was that a normal thing for a person to say ?

No. No, it wasn’t.

And yet—here you were.

"James"

“Mmm ?”

"James, get up"

"No"

You sighed, trying to nudge him off, but it was useless.

Because this man –this grown, six-foot, sport-trained, annoyingly fit man– was currently clinging to you like a koala experiencing its first-ever existential crisis.

And you knew –you knew– that there was no reasoning with a man who had just fully committed to making your chest his final resting place.

"James-"

"No"

"You cannot suffocate yourself on my–"

"I can and I will"

"You will not"

James lifted his head just enough to look at you with actual betrayal.

"How dare you harm a man in his final moments ?"

A stunned laugh escaped before you could stop it.

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous”

James smirked triumphantly.

“And yet-” he murmured smugly “-you don’t seem to mind it”

He barely gave you a second to respond before he nuzzled right back in, burrowing into your chest like you were some long-lost paradise he had finally returned to.

You stared at the ceiling, dead inside.

How was this your life ?

You used to have dignity.

You used to be a strong, independent person.

And yet, somehow –somehow– you had become a glorified human mattress for your very large and very needy boyfriend.

And the worst part ?

You didn’t even mind.

You sighed deeply, fingers slipping into his hair against your better judgment. James melted immediately, exhaling in a way that was obscenely pleased. Like if he were any more relaxed, he'd have dissolved into a puddle of mushy, lovesick goo.

Then, with the solemnity of a man about to deliver a groundbreaking presidential address, he cleared his throat.

You barely had time to register the shift before he–

“Ladies” James began, his voice smooth, reverent “It’s always a pleasure”

Your mouth fell open.

Did he just–

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“I just wanted to take a moment to express my deepest gratitude” he continued talking to your breasts, completely ignoring the look of utter disbelief and sheer horror plastered on your face and sighing dramatically “For your service. For your warmth. For providing me with the best naps of my life”

Your soul, quite frankly, left your body, just straight-up abandoned you.

“James–”

He shushed you.

Shushed you.

“I’m having a moment with my girls, baby” he whispered, like he was delivering a speech at fucking Buckingham Palace.

You gaped at him. “You are not-”

“I am” he placed a hand over his heart “They deserve it”

You had never contemplated murder so seriously in your life.

James, completely unbothered, pressed on. 

“I promise to treat you with the respect and admiration you deserve. To appreciate your softness in all its glory. To-” he paused, tilting his head “Actually, I feel like I should name you”

“For the love of God, James. Don’t you dare-”

James gasped. 

Gasped. 

“That’s a brilliant idea. Baby, why haven’t we named them ?”

You smacked his arm, your eyes so wide they threatened to fall out of your skull. “Because they are literally attached to my body ?!”

But he wasn’t listening. No, the absolute menace was thinking, brows furrowed in deep concentration.

“They deserve names that reflect their greatness. Something regal. Something powerful”

He snapped his fingers. “Got it. Thelma and Louise”

You groaned. “Absolutely fucking not”

James ignored you. 

“Or maybe Hall and Oates ?”

“I- What- Aren’t they both men ?”

“Gender’s nothing but a social construct, darling”

“Ok-”

A sudden gasp interrupted you, as if he had just discovered the meaning of life itself.

"Baby- Baby, I’ve got it"

You sighed, already regretting everything. "James, no"

"Yes" he insisted, eyes alight with the thrill of an idiot about to say something profoundly stupid "Bonnie and Clyde"

You blinked. Once. Twice. 

"You want to name ‘your girls’ after two actual criminals ?"

James nodded solemnly, as if he were making the most reasonable suggestion in the world. "Iconic criminals. Star-crossed lovers. Thrill-seekers. Just like us, babe"

"Just like us ?" you repeated, incredulous "James, they literally died in a hail of bullets"

"Tragic, right ?" he sighed dramatically, resting his cheek against your chest. "Just two outlaws against the world. Inseparable. Madly in love. Probably great at robbing banks"

You stared at him, completely dead inside. "Are you about to compare my chest to a highly coordinated armed robbery ?"

James lifted his head just enough to grin at you. 

"Well” he mused, eyes twinkling “they did steal my heart"

You were done. So done, in fact, that you just gave up entirely.

"I cannot believe this is my life" you muttered, shoving your hands over your face.

James, the absolute menace, took this as encouragement and nuzzled back in, pressing obnoxiously reverent kisses between his newly christened 'Bonnie and Clyde'.

"Rest easy, my loves" he murmured dramatically "Your legacy shall live on"

"James-"

"Shhh" he hushed, patting your side "They're outlaws, baby. They don’t play by the rules"

At that point, you seriously considered pushing him off the couch. Or out the window. 

Maybe both.

You shook your head, defeated, completely annihilated by your boyfriend’s questionable choices.

James grinned, entirely too pleased with himself. 

“Oh, come on. I’m just having a bit of fun” he chuckled lightheartedly, turning his attention back to your chest with the solemnity of a man who had just finished writing a best-selling novel “Well, ladies, whatever your names may be, just know –you have my eternal devotion”

And then, as if he hadn’t just committed the most embarrassing crime against you, he nestled back in with a satisfied hum.

You stared down at him, deadpan. 

“You’re an actual menace”

“And yet, despite that, you love me” he mumbled, already half-asleep.

You sighed, your fingers automatically sliding into his hair once again. It took him less than two seconds to turn into a puddle, his entire body going limp as he exhaled in the most ridiculously pleased way possible, like he had just been given an award for the best nap ever.

“Unfortunately” you muttered, your heart melting just a little bit too, because, yes, he was a ridiculous man, but he was your ridiculous man.

And, as much as you complained, you couldn’t deny it --having James like this, warm and completely wrapped around you, was its own kind of perfect.

The Pillow Contract (Unofficially Signed & Approved) 

Clause 1: James gets unlimited chest pillow privileges.

Clause 2: Y/n reserves the right to kick James off if he drools in his sleep.

Clause 3: Cuddles are mandatory.

Clause 4: James won't ever refer to Y/n's chest as ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ again. Penalty: annulment of Clause 1.

Hello beautiful people 💗

I have no idea of where this thing spouted from. It popped in my head, and I had to bring it to the world 😂.

This is my first attempt at a more humorous type of fic. I had so much fun writing it, and I really hope it didn't downright suck, and you had a good time reading it, too.

Let me know what you think!

Thank you for reading, and I'll catch you in the next one <3

[ozzgin]

It's Christmas Eve, and you wake up to a baby outside of your home. Your yakuza friends quickly come to your rescue, and thus begins your journey of finding the baby's parents. Daitou ponders his own future family with you. content: female reader, violence, mentions of pregnancy, based on Tokyo Godfathers

[Yandere Yakuza Masterlist] | [More Yandere Works]

You stare at the little basket in disbelief.

On the front steps of your apartment complex, a lone baby is crying and shuffling in the bundle of stale sheets. The event would've been baffling enough by itself; even more incredulous is that someone has decided to drop an infant in the middle of a yakuza quarter, in winter, during a gang war. You glance at the bullet holes left in the entrance wall with pursed lips.

You do the only reasonable thing that comes to mind: call Daitou.

As you settle the baby in your much warmer living room, you hear the door rattle. Daitou barges in, face pale as a sheet. Behind him, Kazuya struggles to catch his breath.

“Why- Why didn’t you tell me,” he shouts, collapsing to his knees.

“What? I literally just did,” you argue, eyeing him in confusion.

Kazuya pats his friend’s shoulder, giving you an awkward smile.

“Just my two cents, (Y/N) love, but perhaps telling him ‘I have a baby’ wasn’t the smartest idea. I didn’t have time to explain the logical fallacies to him.”

Indeed, it was a speedy affair. They were hanging out at the headquarter across the street when Daitou answered your panicked call. He nodded, hung up, then sprang out of his seat, bemoaning that he’s the biggest dumbass on this Earth. How could he have missed the fact he’d gotten you pregnant? When did it happen? Was it a surprise birth? There was no time to consider the logistics – he ran, and ran, indifferent to Kazuya’s desperate pleads to listen.

“Oh my God,” you whine, ruffling his hair. “I found the baby, you idiot. Outside my apartment. It was there, in a basket. I hear it crying this morning and went downstairs to see what’s happening.”

The dark-haired man swings his head back up, having finally connected the dots. The movement is so abrupt, his prosthetic eye plops out and rolls away inconspicuously. You catch it before it reaches the edge of the sofa.

“So, what now?” the blonde man is the first one to break the silence. “Does it have a return address?”

“Nothing,” you confess. “We should figure something out; I don’t have any food or diapers.”

“We could keep it,” Daitou mutters mainly to himself. Maybe it was fate, y’know? Or something like that.

“Yeah? Are you going to breastfeed it, momma?” Kazuya groans, flicking his friend. “A stray cat caring for another stray.”

He’s about to place a cigarette in his mouth, but you slap it away and angrily gesture towards the baby. Ah, yes. Of course. He stuffs it back into his pocket, and continues:

“I say we take the kiddo over to our brothel. Plenty of girls that’ll have a better idea.”

You nod thoughtfully. Kazuya’s mom is one of those girls. How many children came out of this business, you wonder? You wrap the infant back into its sheets, and carefully lift the basket.

The street is suspiciously empty as you make your way to the soapland. Well, it’s Christmas Eve, after all. You recall last year’s Family event, when you met Boss for the first time. Back then you were pouring sake for all the underground elite, now you’re carrying an abandoned baby around. It seems that peaceful holidays aren’t something you can enjoy with the yakuza.

In an immaculately ironic timing to your complaint, a loud, thundering sound flashes past your ears. Before you can turn around, you feel Daitou’s brawny arm around your waist, effortlessly lifting you in the air. You let out a quick, involuntary shriek.

“Keep your head down,” he barks, suddenly grim and serious.

Kazuya mutters a curse under his breath, swiftly turning on his heels and shooting at targets out of your sight. You’ve been caught in one of the armed conflicts.

What a day, you think, hands gripped tightly around the basket. The baby is crying, the bullets are pouring. Daitou is holding you with one arm, the other is occasionally returning the shots.

“You get used to it,” you whisper to the infant. “I’m telling you now, there’s no better company than these two.”

It’s probably better to not be involved in the first place, of course, but if you do find yourself caught in gangster business...Kazuya and Daitou are your guarantee to survival.

Eventually, after what feels like an eternity, your feet touch the ground once more. The matron of the brothel hurries over, fanning herself and tugging at the collar of her kimono.

“My, what a mess. I hope you managed to put a few holes in those rascals,” she says in a husky voice. One can immediately guess she’s a heavy smoker.

She notices your unusual package.

“What’s that?”

“Haven’t you heard? (Y/N) and Daitou are parents,” Kazuya announces with gravity.

The rest of the women gather around, gasping and cheering. You elbow the blonde man, furrowing your brows in annoyance.

“Nonsense. This baby was dropped this morning in front of my building. We thought we’d-”

“Ah!”

One of the women steps forward, inspecting the basket with trembling hands. She narrates the story to you: her friend – the mother – was involved with one of the rival Family members. She’d planned on running away with her partner, you see, but escaping the biggest yakuza branch with a baby in the backseat wasn’t an easy task. She begged to drop the newborn in her friend’s care before her departure. They’d decided on a locker by the train station to perform the unusual exchange.

“I waited for hours, but she never arrived,” the woman concludes. “My God, I thought the poor kid froze to death in one of the postal boxes. She must’ve gone for the nearest convenient hideout!”

You hand her the bundle, and she scurries towards the neighbouring room to do a proper health check. Daitou follows her movements in silence.

“Don’t tell me you wanted to keep it,” you joke.

Kazuya jumps in with a smirk:

“Are you kidding me? He probably planned a whole family trip on the way here.”

The yakuza coughs dryly, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.

“D-don’t be ridiculous, man. If we’re done here, I’ll be taking miss (Y/N) home.”

The idea of starting a family with you has crossed his mind, certainly. On the other hand, Daitou isn’t in a rush by any means. He’s rather enjoying the current arrangement, and he loves having you as the most important thing in his life.

“Oh, will you be staying over?” you turn towards your boyfriend. “I haven’t finished wrapping your presents.”

He twirls the glass eye nervously. If you ask him, he’s already gotten the deal of a lifetime. You.

[ma1dita]

🐥

okay I dont wanna seem annoying but it's 10:53pm and the ideas r coming in but I already sent an ask in so do whichever u want first 😭

bf!Luke when he's sick headcanons? (can be in an au where they're js normal ppl or can be them at camp, your choice !! 🫶🏼

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

a/n: LIVVVVV i truly believe that if this man was sick with an SO that would take care of him he would be the biggest bitch alive just because he can

at camp:

it starts with a sniffle, luke trying to be oh so brave about it until he can’t ignore the sneezes that sound like they could shake the earth and all of cabin 11 (if you think those kids barely got sleep in general, you should see them get mad at luke’s dumbass going ACHOO for the 47th time that night)

so they rightfully complain to you to go get your man and drag his ass to the infirmary, because the cabin counselor he is loves taking care of others but throws a fit when they tell him to get checked out by the apollo kids talking bout “i don’t get sick, i’m too cool to get sick! heroes don’t get—”

yeah so he has the flu

one stern look from you sends him packing towards the infirmary, dragging his feet in the dirt and complaining the whole way

he puts up a fight the whole time, swatting the healer’s hands away to the point they want to tie him to the bed, and luke doesn’t like not winning

“luke just listen to the fucking healer and you’ll be out of here faster.” “bedrest! they want me to be strapped down here forever, babe, you know i don’t like not moving for that long! though if you were the one tying me down…” *sniffles innocently*

a cold towel smacks him in the face

you end up nursing his nasty germ-riddled ass back to health in a corner of the infirmary that you have to make your own for the next week and a half. 

but if you ask him, he felt fine after a few days—he just likes being taken care of by you

im bored lets do modern hcs too:

in this universe he’s still a little shit but at least you two live together in a cute little city apartment

luke’s laid out on the couch wrapped up in some of your coziest throw blankets as he scrolls through old reruns of friends, laughing at chandler’s humor because i imagine it to be a lot like his own (of course, if rick let him be funny instead of traumatized and an antagonist)

you’re making chicken noodle soup in the kitchen and the smell wafts through the air of your apartment even if he’s so congested his voice sounds funny when he talks

i think you guys would have two cats, brother and sister—absolute menaces, pouncing on him in turns trying to resuscitate their dad from his lifeless form on the couch to throw their little mouse toy around

that or a really big senior dog who sleeps at his feet and turns its head every time luke makes a funny noise

oh he’s still annoying in this one trust—you gave him a little silver dinner bell to ring if he needs you since you’re working from home in the other room but the problem is this man always needs you

ring. “babe!’ ring. “baby!” ring ring. “love of my life, absolute goddess among—*wheeze* humans, can you come here a second?”

“what’s up, honey?” “oh i just needed to see your pretty face. feeling better already!” 

you toss a pillow at his head and get back to your meeting.

when it’s over though, you join him in his little blanket fortress and he lays on your chest, sniffling and smiling as he pulls you into a kiss and thanking you for existing

you get sick after but it’s worth it. sort of like payback

[iridesky-the-writer]

aaa!!! Your writing is so good!! Can you do yandere Italy x reader who a yandere as well but in a more pathetic way. Like they give off wet cat energy and they're just trying their best but they're obsessed with him and very in love.

Headcanons plz, thanks (⁠≧v⁠≦⁠)

A/N: HEYHEYHEY! Sorry this took a while to answer. I've been busy with a lotta stuff, but I finally got time to write, so here ya go! Ciao ~ ♡ !

☆ Bella, Bella, Bella! ☆

|| Yandere! Pathetic! (Lololol) Feliciano x G/N! Reader headcanons ||

|| Contains: Feliciano being pathetic (of course)...ally in love with you,, kidnapping,, concussion mention,, Feliciano being insanely clingy and touchy,, a liiiiittle bit suggestive at the end if you squint (because c'mon, it's Feliciano) but could also be interpreted as just plain Yandere insanity or Feliciano's typical dumbassery,, speaking of which, Feliciano's usual dumbass activities,, and also implied murder. Which may or may not fall under the category of the previous content tag. ||

☆ So, so, SO CUTE!!!!

☆ Feliciano was always the type to fall in love at first sight--he usually follows his heart, not his head! And when he saw you, his heart just pumped faster right in your direction. He fell harder and farther than Alice down the Rabbit Hole.

☆ And so, naturally, he didn't even hesitate to run up to you without any regard for how he'd look doing it. His heart was rushing so fast-- you must be the one, right?? Right?????

☆ "Bella!!! Bella!!! Bella!!! Hellooo!! Can you hear me? Can we get dinner? Pleeeaaase?"

☆ He greeted you excitedly and tried to introduce himself, if not a bit awkwardly, though most definitely passionately. He wanted to get to know you so bad, even though he only knew you existed for less than a minute.

☆ You were probably a bit taken aback by his sudden request, though he'd be very relieved if you agree...

☆ ...Though, if you refuse, then he'd keep on pressing and pressing. It may get to the point where he starts quite literally begging on his knees.

☆ ...You're likely not cruel enough to make him go that far. Then again, it's Feliciano, who fell into deeply pathetic love with you the moment he saw you--he would probably drop to his knees the moment you say refuse a second time.

☆ And once he finally starts to get emotionally close to you (or, at least, you exchange names or at least make plans--to Feli, that's close enough), then that's when he gets clingy.

☆ Yes, Feliciano is the clingiest boy alive. Whether it's holding your hand and swinging it back and forth a bit as you walk or wrapping his arm around your waist from the side and placing his head on your shoulder, after you two officially become friends Feliciano will never let go of you--at least, if he can help it.

☆ Tearing Feliciano off of you is the equivalent of pushing away a sleepy cat from your lap; you'd need to push him off of you have plans and things to do, though you'll likely feel rather guilty doing it--then again, he's incredibly persistent in staying right where he is, and in the end, you might just let him stay either way. After all, how could you say no to that cute little face?

☆ Feliciano would try his best to court you in the best way he can--or, at the very least, knows. He tries to figure out everything about you, while also trying to get closer and closer...he just really, really wants to be close to you, you know.

☆ If you had dinner with him that night you met, then probably wouldn't stop talking and asking questions--he'd blabber on and stumble over his words, leaving him with cheeks painted a darker shade of red than before. He'd only stop to listen to you, during which he'd sport the biggest, dumbest smile possible.

☆ "Bella?? Where's your favorite place to go during the day? It wouldn't happen to be anywhere in my place, would it...?? Oh! No, no!! I meant Italy, me--my country! The place on the Earth!!"

☆ And once the dinner is over, Feliciano would steel himself, a sheepish smile on his face. This is it!! Now he can hug you or kiss you!! That's what he can do once the date is over, right? Oh, Feliciano has had lots of lovers, though he always gets scatterbrained around the end of the usual routine...

☆ As the two of you get up to leave the restaurant ( Feliciano paid for the whole -- with a complete disregard for what that might do to his savings... ) Feliciano gently taps you on the shoulder with a trembling hand, fluttering his long eyelashes in order to dry his treacle eyes.

☆ "...a-ah...Bella...can I have a kiss? Just one!! Pleeeaaaase!!"

☆ Before you know it, his lips are on yours--it's a very shy kiss, very brief, and when he pulls away again he's as red as a tomato.

☆ "I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry!! Ahhhh, I can't go on like this!"

☆ And with that he dashes away.

☆ He forgot that he didn't get your number in the first place.

☆ And so, Feliciano, being the hot mess that he is, decided that the best course of action to see you again was stand out in the place where he first saw you and wait there until he happens to catch sight of you again.

☆ For days on end.

☆ You know, Feliciano can be airheaded, but when he puts his mind to finding the Bella of his dreams again he's more focused than a brain surgeon.

☆ Doesn't matter how long he has to wait. He will stand out in the cold until he spots you again.

☆ And about a week or so later, he sees you again and is practically euphoric.

☆ You'd be minding your own business when a pair of very familiar arms squeeze around your waist.

☆ "Bella!! I found you again! Never ever leave me again!!"

☆ And from then on he was clingier than ever. He was holding on to your for dear life--no matter how much you could try to shake him off, he just wouldn't budge.

☆ And that's when you were thrown to the ground, your head hit the pavement, and you got knocked out.

☆ You know, you've really got some bad luck here...

☆ You wake up in his little house, morning sunlight streaming through an open window. You're laid out on his couch. Thank goodness you were visiting Italy at the time...poor Feliciano would've had to answer so many questions at the airport to get you back to Italy...

☆ You hear the sound of clanging pots and pans from outside of the room-- you assume it's in the kitchen.

☆ One of Feli's love languages is cooking. He may not look the type, but he's good at it. Just...disorganized.

☆ Another clatter from the kitchen--and a scream that you've definitely heard before. You'd get up to see the commotion, but your head is killing you. You might have a concussion...

☆ If you have a concussion, you really shouldn't close your eyes again... you try your best to lay down and hope that you won't be alone for too long.

☆ Your prayers are answered by Feliciano passing through the doorway. And he looks messy and lightly...burnt?

☆ His expression is neutral until he sees your eyes open, and suddenly, he's all smiles. He skips over to you and leans down to hug you tight--when you wince, he tentatively lowers the pressure.

☆ "Bella!! You're alive!!! I was so so scared!! I told you not to leave me again!!! I was scared I would have to explain another dead body..."

☆ Another?

☆ "Oh, uh-huh-ha... let's not think about that!! All it was was just one less thing to worry about!! You know, you getting a concussion and all, some people shouldn't see, uhhhhh, someone may have gotten pushed off a pier...no matter! Don't ask questions!!!"

☆ He hugged you tighter and buried his face into the crook of your neck, tiny kisses fluttering across your skin like the rain of summer showers before you could argue.

☆ "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorryyy..." He whined. Auburn hair tickled your cheek, and wobbly hands toyed with the back of your shirt's collar.

☆ When he finally pulled away, his face was flushed, but also carried a confident smile.

☆ "Anyway, Bella! You must be hurt, buuut I know just how to fix that! Uncle Rome taught me all about it, I have something cooking in the kitchennn~! You won't even want to leave!! I promise!"

☆ It was then that you noticed that your wrists were bound at your front. Feliciano's eyes follow the path of your own, his face flushed. His hand still is gripping on to your shoulder, though it's now started to shake.

☆ "Uuuuh... you'll never want to leave! ...r-right, Bella?"

Thank you for reading!!

Like and reblog if you enjoyed! :)

[luvrrgirl444]

chapter 3: stupidest man on earth

INSTAGRAM, IMSG!

liked by historiarei, mikackerman & 569,304 others

y/sinterlude sooo.. ik i haven't released a song in a hot minute but my new single "kill bill" comes out tmr 🤫🤫 came up w this song while i was hysterically cryin but i love it sm, so excited for u guys to hear it 🤍🤍🤍

comments

valentinagomez so proud of u even tho the song’s about he who shall not be named 🤢!!

⤷ y/nsinterlude VALENTINA STFU

⤷ valentinagomez 🫣

⤷ salem777 CONNIE???

historiarei MY BABY IM SO PROUD OF YOU 💓

 ⤷ y/nsinterlude I LOVE YOU 🤍🤍

mikackerman the instrumental sounds so good i wonder who played it 🤔

⤷ y/nsinterlude i love u and this song very much

user20 is this about connie omg??

aarlert you’re so talented ily

⤷ y/nsinterlude ily and i miss u sm

jkirstein SUPERSTAR

⤷ y/nsinterlude COULDN’T DO IT WITHOUT U

sashab pretty girl

⤷ y/nsinterlude you

shyshiloh i love your voice

⤷ y/nsinterlude i love you

user60 fuck c*nnie all my homies hate c*nnie

*comment liked by shyshiloh, valentinagomez, mikackerman, historiarei & 50.7k others*

liked by everybodylovesnai, sluuuutmeou2 & 6,539 others

connie2real she wrote a song about me i knew she still wanted me 😭😭😭🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

comments

connie2real: she’s so fucking fine bro i’m such a dumbass

⤷ iheartlays: literally

⤷ everybodylovesnai: ?

⤷ jagermeister: u can read

horseface: i produced it lol

⤷ connie2real: YOU KNEW AND DIDNT TELL ME?? WHAT KIND OF BEST FRIEND ARE YOU

connie2real: @horseface papa can i come record now 🥺🥺???

⤷ horseface: okay 🙄🙄

⤷ connie2real: still mad at u tho

⤷ horseface: don’t care

⤷ jagermeister: can i come 🥺🥺

⤷ connie2real: of course 😘 @armnhammer u too 😘

⤷ ymirthegreat: you guys disgust me

🦋!

- eren is naomi’s biggest hater

taglist! <3 @lovelytayy @cyberkitty1

[the-most-humble-blog]

The Human Supercomputer:

Built, Maintained, and Programmed by Mother Nature

The Brain You Didn’t Earn, But Get to Use Anyway

Ever heard of typoglycemia? No, it’s not a disease—it’s a flex that proves your brain is an unstoppable supercomputer. You can read this perfectly:

👉 "Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae."

Did you struggle? Nope. Your brain didn’t even break a sweat.

That’s because Mother Nature programmed you for maximum efficiency. She didn’t waste time making you read letter by letter like a dumbass. No, she built you to see patterns, adapt instantly, and dominate the competition.

This isn’t magic. It’s evolution’s biggest middle finger to every other species.

The No-Fucks-Given Predator That Rules the Food Chain

Humanity didn’t start at the top.

We were tree-dwelling cowards, terrified to come down because literally everything on Earth was stronger than us.

We had no fangs, no claws, no armor.

But we had one thing no other species did—a brain that wouldn’t quit.

Fast forward a few million years: ✔ Tigers? We turned them into rugs. ✔ Wolves? Now they shit on leashes for us. ✔ Whales? We used them for lamp oil before we got bored and moved on.

Meanwhile, every other species is still doing the same dumb shit they were doing a million years ago.

Humans? We invented nukes, Wi-Fi, and Taco Bell.

That’s why we run this planet.

If It Breathes, We Dominate It

If another species so much as steps up, here’s what happens: ✔ We slap its dick into the dirt. ✔ We burn down its home, AND the trees around it, just to send a message. ✔ We put its offspring in a zoo to perform tricks for us. ✔ We figure out how to eat it—starting with its mountain oysters.

(For the uninitiated, that’s testicles. We deep-fry their balls and charge $12.99 a plate.)

🚨 Rent’s Due, Bitches. 🚨

Your Brain is the Ultimate Cheat Code

You think a lion is scary? We built tanks. You think a shark is dangerous? We drain oceans to build resorts. You think an eagle is majestic? We trained them to carry our mail.

While other species fight to survive, we: ✔ Launch ourselves into space just to flex. ✔ Invent laws that say we "can’t punch each other"—then do it anyway. ✔ Domesticate wild animals, then dress them in sweaters.

Mother Nature didn’t just give us tools—she built us into the tool. Our brain processes patterns, spots weaknesses, and exploits them. That’s why we don’t just survive—we own everything.

Test Your Supercomputer: Can You Read These?

If your brain is as overpowered as I think it is, try these out:

👉 "Olny smrat poelpe can raed tihs." 👉 "Yuo cna gvie a tigrer fngas, but he wlil slitl be in a cgae." 👉 "A torkey deid for yuor Tnakshigvni dinnre, but tehn aigan, so did the Indnias."

(If you just read all of those with zero problems—congrats, you are a goddamn machine.)

Now think about that.

A tiger needs strength to kill. We just made a fucking rifle.

A bear needs claws to defend itself. We just built the M1 Abrams.

A shark rules the ocean. We built boats, drained swamps, and put its cousins in fish tanks.

Your brain is the ultimate weapon. The rest of the animal kingdom is just living in our theme park.

🔥 Final Verdict: Humans Are the Apex Predators That Nature Never Saw Coming

Other species fight to live.

We rewrote the rules and built Wi-Fi.

The universe built us to win.

Any animal that doesn’t like it?

They can suck our reproductive organs.

That’s payback for millions of years of running from their flea-bitten, fang-having asses.

🚀 REBLOG If You Accept Humanity’s Superiority. 💬 COMMENT If You’d Slap a Lion Just to Prove a Point. 🔥 FOLLOW If You Want More Brutal, No-Nonsense Truth Bombs.

[abloomingperiod]

him | kim namjoon

"hey, you listening?" you ask as you make your way out of the bathroom and into the room your fiancé was situated.

"yes" he simply answers, voice calm and eyes and hands leaving his book to look at you.

when your eyes find his, you stop - on your tracks and your train of thought - to drink on the sight.

there he was, the reason you’re even planning and thinking about what is supposed to be the biggest and best day of your life for the last three months, since he dropped on one knee to ask for your hand - and later, to give you a glimpse of why you’ll need more than a week for your honeymoon.

there he was, hair growing over his neck - less than a mullet, just like you asked him to grow it into -, bare and pretty face, big and buff limbs glowing as the warm, small light from your lampshade illuminated them. sharp eyes, yet so calm and serene gaze expecting your next words.

speaking of them,

where exactly did they go?

“honey?” his deep voice asks with a small side grin, which you want to slap him for. does he thinks he’s helping you and your reasoning, when all you can think about is how remarkably low it is?

him, him, him. everything about him. all about him. him.

“right” you come back to earth, hands on your hips, “so... about our wedding”, you start, but can’t help and feel funny under his gaze, shrugging it off with an old, stupid joke of yours, “let’s end it off- nah i’m joking, but for real-”

as dumb as it is, it never fails to rip a small chuckle out of your sweet soon-to-be husband, and you swear to god it’s the prettiest sound in the world.

if it was possible to fall in love twice with the same person without even falling out of the first time, you’re sure his laughter would be responsible for it.

and once again, you’re standing there like an idiot, watching the other idiot that knows exactly what he’s doing when his lower lip gets pulled back by his teeth, and you feel like a teenager for the tenth time in the last 3 minutes. “...you okay, babe?”

just let your thoughts win and grab him, for god’s sake.

“i can’t keep my hands off of you” you confess, arms giving up, sighing and faking a frustrated face that could never be convincing. not when your legs are already folding and making their way onto his lap, slowly crawling with your knees to the only place you never get sick of in the world.

him, him, him. his skin, his warmth, his embrace.

everything about him. all about him.

“now why would i ever want you to do that?” he asks smoothly, hands immediately finding your waist and burning up your skin. his eyes held such a welcoming stare, you wish you could just say ‘i do’ right now and have him all for yourself ‘til your last day on earth.

“no but i do have something to say” you remember yourself and him, hands finding his waist and caressing around it - waist, tummy, chest, bones, everything you could find and paint with your own touch. “i was thinking, and maybe, we should throw a little something before the actual wedding, you know? like a pre-wedding thing”

he observes you, head slightly hanging to the side as his curiosity get to him.

“not that i don’t think it’s enough or anything!” you assure him, fingers going through his small silver chain that held your proposal ring in. “you’re gonna like this, hear me out: we probably want to drink our asses off. that’s just how we roll, right? but i know myself, and i know my limits... i’ll be straight up with you: i don’t think my insides can take cake, korean food and alcohol the way i wish it would.”

and there it is, one more laughing sound of his, but this time, a louder, bigger one.

the dumbass is laughing at your costs, now.

“you really can’t function outside of the ‘8 or 80′ style, can you?” his right hand flicks your forehead lightly “dumbass.”

“pardon? i didn’t ask for a funny tummy and i certainly don’t want it messed up at my own wedding. that’s a huge ass reason to throw a small something a few days before!” you interject, quickly pinching his sides, earning a cute squirm from him. “plus, i don’t wanna be bloated when i’m wearing my wedding dress.”

with that, he just stares at you for a second, and lets out a fair question as his eyes narrow at your intentions, “you’re not plotting this just because of that, are you?”

another thing you could easily hold accountable for a second fall for him: his caring.

handling and watching you more intently than yourself, sometimes.

god, it’s almost embarrassing how much you love this in him.

“no. and you know that. i really do have a suck ass stomach, you’ve seen how bad it gets” you say, easing his sudden seriousness, and with that you smile at him “plus, i want other korean stuff turning my insides out...”

he interrupts you with most delicious laugh you’ve heard in a long time - since the last time he laughed this hard (last than a day before). “ “god, you’re gross! okay, i see your point.”

“i knew you would. now, this can be very s-small,” you get into the details of your plan and his hands betray his incredulous gaze, as they travel down to the small of your back and rest on your ass, softly caressing it an earning a small tremble in your voice. “less than 20 people, your closest friends, my closes friends, a bar with at least 5 of the 10 drink options we’re having in the menu... we can bring the same flavor of cake...” your eyes keep scanning his beautiful face and the loving eyes he gives you, admiring the thought you put behind your little plan. “we can even wear a tie and a small veil! so everybody knows about it! who knows? maybe we even get a free drink. gotta milk our options out, baby.”

at that, you expect him to give you one more nice chuckle, or even a light slap on the butt, but he decides not to. instead his hands press you against his own lower body, and his plump lips attach themselves to the side of your neck. you let out a small sigh followed by a light chuckle “i’m serious!”

“i know you are” he defends himself, lips travelling north to your jaw and cheek, leaving hard pecks, making you smile like you’re high “you’re irresistible, that’s all”

you know for a fact he felt your pulse stumbling, fumbling and failing as his lips kept kissing you.

“enough for you to say yes?” you take advantage of his sweet words.

“i’m marrying you, isn’t that enough of an answer?” he asks, facing you with the most whipped out smile you’ve ever seen. “sure. anything for you.” you smile wildly at him, heart throbbing and lips mumbling a small ‘thanks’ as you peck his lips. “i can search for that bar, too.”

god, why is he so freaking him?

of course he can.

“yeah?”

“yeah.” he responds, smile never leaving his mouth, cheekily giving you his trademark wink along with it.

“you..... ugh!” your hands tangle ins his hair and your lips attack his just like you did when he proposed to you. your kiss is urgent, desperate even, and still, he manages to laugh against it. he pulls you flush against him, chest to chest and heart to heart, hands dancing around your ass.

you could never get sick of this place.

“fucking love you. can’t wait to put this ring on your finger” you pull back and confess, lips ghosting his as you watch your hands travel back to his chain.

“you and i both” he agrees, eyes and hand mirroring yours, gasping a bit. “can’t wait to see you in that dress” fingers caressing your whole torso: spectrum, under-boob, ribcage, waist, “and take it off.”

oh, are you longing for that honeymoon.

“and you will” you peck him again, “‘cause now i don’t need to care about my tummy”

his laughs fills your room and your eardrums with the most beautiful sound you can point out. his head fall back to the wall behind and his eyes close, and you wish you could have this sight and this sight only for the rest of your life.

“yes, your tummy is well taken care of”

“and that’s for you, too. i need my newly husband a hundred percent conscious and collected for the after party”

he lightly tsks at you "if i were you, i’d wish the opposite” he slowly grabs your ass and kisses the back of your ear. god, he feels like a delicious poison. “plus, i don’t think i can stay collected after watching you down that aisle.”

“you and i both” you repeat his words, head resting on his shoulder. “thank you, i owe you one.” and leaving a small kiss on his jaw.

“show me the dress?”

“never.”

“but i’ll search for the bar.”

“you did that on yourself.”

he jokingly scoffs and mumbles a small ‘fine’, and you fall in love with him all over again.

“but i’ll give you a hint. it’s white.”

“shut up.”

“make me.”

and he looks down at you, small smirk painting his face.

“yeah? wanna pay it back now?” he asks mischievously, as his finger trace your lower lip.

“i just might” you respond, kissing his thumb. his eyes hold a darker tone, and as your bodies almost mold into one with the proximity you’re in, you can feel just how much he might want it.

“...still wanted to see that dress, though.” he jokes, and you return to your position facing him, lightly slapping his rigid chest. he catches your wrist and brings it to his lips, softly kissing it, and travelling to the back of your hand.

“that gives bad luck, dumbass.”

as he keeps kissing your knuckles, his other hand ghost over your thigh, enticing you and making you shiver deliciously.

because that’s what he does. namjoon makes you stumble, tremble, flutter, shiver and fall.

him, him, him.

everything about him. all about him.

“you’re all the luck i need.”

him, him, him.

[jim-kirks-bubble-butt]

ok ok ok it’s time for my amok time thoughts-

first of all: s p i r k

spock what do you mean your omega heat was resolved by you rolling around in the dirt with your captain??? 🤨

but also just the way kirk was so respectful and understanding about spock’s pon farr and dodn’t make fun of him for it.

can’t believe the 1960’s scifi show had a fuck or die episode which did not result in heterosexuality. truly ahead of it’s time.

and also the way jim and spock were rolling around in the dirt was so gay. no one can convince me otherwise. the way spock slashed his axe thingy (forgot what it’s called) exactly so that it would give jim a tit window??? i know what you are spock.

and of course the biggest moment: JIM :D. seriously what the fuck was that. only time he smiles the wide the whole series (times when he���s under the influence of drugs excluded). homosexuality at it’s finest.

speaking of drugs i find it very funny that the only time spock likes women if either when he’s under the influence or when he’s being mind controlled.

the way spock grabs him and just gives him the biggest stupidest grin. i love spock and spock loves kirk. they are in love you can also see how wide kirk was smiling from the way his cheeks move.

spirk was just so soft with each other this episode, even on vulcan. the way spock was so hesitant to fight him and tried his hardest to convince t’pau even when under the pon farr influence.

the way jim clearly tried not to hurt him through the whole fight,

they make me fucking insane.

anyways

second thing i liked: BONES

i love bones mccoy

spock saying that he’s also one of his closest friends 😭 😭 😭

but he was so smart with the neural paralyzer and i love the way he clearly cares so much anout both of his dumbass friends under his grumpy doctor exterior.

third of all: women

t’pau and t’pring were so powerful and so wonderfully played.

obviously the whole thing with calling t’pring the property of whatever man wins her is very icky but as progressive as star trek was (and still is!), it is a product of it’s time unfortunately.

but besides that, they both just radiated power, and it was so nice to see a woman in a seat of major power.

on another note, stonn has a strikingly small forehead t’pribg i promise i could treat you better.

in my mind uhura wants t’pring (“she’s very lovely mister spock!” i know what you are ma’am.)

fourth: the episode was just. really good.

all of the tension build up before we find out about that spock is basically an omega is masterfully done, and even though i kinda new the plot, i was still sitting on the edge of my seat. incredible.

i also think tbe fight choreography during the gay sex fighting scene was actually really well done, especially when compared to other fight scenes in season 1 (the gorn fight comes to mind).

also the set design for vulcan felt like an actual planet. like usually when they go off the enterprise and onto a planet that’s not basically earth, you can tell that it’s just a bunch of foam blocks, but vulcan was very well made!

the conversation between spirk and kock kirk and spock about “vulcan biology” was very well written and acted in a way that was slightly awkward because of the nature of pon farr, but still felt natural and very in character.

side note: i see online that there’s a lot of people who think that shatner overacts. and i just don’t see it. idk i think he’s really good at playing kirk. i don’t really like the guy, but i like how expressive his acting is.

anyways this was very jumbled but i had a lot of thoughts and yeah.

i too would write the first slash fic in the 60’s if i saw this shit on my tv.

also does anyone know what tag i should use for kirk? i use like 4 different ones each time but is there one that’s more common? same for mccoy.

[ayoalex]

My biggest reason of why I HATE the fact Zuko is Fire Lord is more complicated than I could actually explain but I will try. Cuz u see I already hate the fact that 16/17y old Zuko had to step up and be Fire Lord even though an actual adult could have been the Fire Lord while Zuko still grew and learn to be able to be a decent Fire Lord.

I already hate the fact that is canon he SUCKS at it cuz he has 0 communication skills, only knows anger and violence to resolve things and has 0 diplomacy. If it was supposed to be his destiny then why he sucks so much, why he doesn't know a single thing about politics, I think about his actions in The Promise and I feel like slapping the writer.

But when I think about how he gives 0 fucks about his people then I hate it even more.

Wait, don't go, listen to me. LISTEN TO ME I WILL EXPLAIN MYSELF.

Ok, so Zuko by the end of Book 3 is a traitor in the Fire Nation, ok?

He goes and fights an Agni Kai in his sister (the legitimate heir at this point) coronation. We don't know if everyone knows what actually happened there (probably they do cuz the Fire Sages were there when he arrived with Katara).

So he actually loses! And it's Katara that ends up winning. So he ends up winning the throne by not only force but with foreign forces as well.

Ok now let's remember his coronation. Who do we see? A single line of Fire Nation people which I think we're the Fire Sages + Mai and Iroh. And then all foreigners which one of them is the person that took by force the throne. Not a public coronation, we don't see any other citizen of his Nation watching it.

Ok, let's remember how people were living outside of Caldera city and Ember island.

One of the Villages the Gaang end up of the Fire Nation has polluted water. The army has been polluting their water for YEARS which indicates us that they haven't actually been taking care of majority of the Villages/cities outside of Caldera city and Ember Island, the first one because is the capital and where the Royalty + Nobility lives and the second one because is a famous tourist place that Nobility and the Royalty goes to.

Zuko as a kid that grew up isolated in Caldera city, which he didn't went out that much outside of the castle(?) Has never had to face or see how actual normal people live. He then gets banished but still feels entitled to be treated like royalty.

After getting his title stripped in Book 2, he still refuses to live amongst the people and continues asking for a royalty treatment. So he ends up stealing from OTHER common people.

He lived in the lower ring of the Earth Kingdom and I never saw him understanding that the King just sucks, that he's supposed to help all his citizens but only cares about the rich and gives 0 fucks about the rest.

Now, why does Zuko wants to be Fire Lord? To make things better? To actually help his Nation?

No. It's because of destiny. He doesn't see it as a duty. Sure he wants to end the war which is a good thing but he once again sees the title as something he deserves because it's his destiny (which makes 0 zero but ok).

And I wish so badly he had Azula resolve and understanding of his duty.

Cuz you see she would probably sucked too cuz like Zuko she had 0 idea how normal people actually live and that rich people are NOT the majority of a Nation.

But she would not think being Fire Lord is her destiny and she deserves it cuz she's pretty or whateva. She would understand her duty as Fire Lord and would accept the title as such, with the respect and responsibility it comes with (which kinda happened in canon but she was in the middle of a breakdown so yeah).

And I'm not trying to compare them but sometimes is so hard cuz she has everything Zuko needs to be a good Fire Lord and so it's frustrating seeing the canon state of the world in Aang's era because the writers suck ass and think Zuko is oohhh so charming and amazing when honestly he suck ass right now.

Bring me back my dumbass kid! Let him out of that castle!

I think if he actually travel around Fire Nation without u know all his privileges, he would do much better cuz at least he would understand the actual needs of his Nation.

And honestly if I was a citizen of the Fire Nation and saw all the bullshit that was happening I would be so fucking annoyed at the Royal Family, like if someone told me to do a coup I would be so into it cuz honestly I'm here dying cuz we've been at war for 100y and this motherfucker comes and just prioritize other nations that the one giving him money and food? Yeah we going democracy, fuck the monarchy.

In my mind Azula just says fuck it and goes mia for YEARS and Aang sees the disaster that FN is cuz of Zuko and goes find her cuz everyone know Azula is like the best option when it's about politics and then he finds out she's been traveling so he joins her and Azula comes back to the FN but just to slap Zuko and teach him how to actually be a decent Fire Lord and then goes back to chilling but sometimes pop off at Caldera to slap Zuko when he does a fucking terrible decision.

[duckapus]

So in the Self-Help Hotline AU I'm starting with just seven Ashes, eight when you include the central Ash who's just starting out. I'll probably add a few at certain milestones (definitely when he goes to a new region (including the Orange Islands that totally counts) possibly after movies and similar Big Legendary-Related Disasters but I'm undecided there). Arceus gave them all nicknames because otherwise it'd start with the chat filled with nothing but "Ash Ketchum" and it'd be impossible to tell who's talking.

Mini-Me: The central Ash who just got a Pikachu who hates him but is technically giving him a chance (you really think he couldn't have just ran away whenever, even during the fishing line bit?) and left Palette Town on the Pokemon Journey of a lifetime. An arrogant, overconfident little dumbass elementary-schooler with a heart of gold who constantly switches between having an ego nearly as big as Gary's and having no self-esteem whatsoever with no in-between.

O.G.A. / TheLlamasErrandBoy: The Ash from the end of the main timeline (or at least a timeline so extremely close to it that it's functionally the main timeline), with all the character development and Trauma that entails. Arceus gave him Admin Privileges and Dipped after explaining what the chat was made for so he's allowed to change nicknames and immediately abuses that power to roast The Original One Itself.

QueenOfTheWorld: Ashley Ketchum. She had a few Realizations during the stuff in Celadon so she's transfem. Her Journey had the fewest differences from the Main Timeline of the six AU Ashes since being a girl didn't change that much about her life.

L.G.M.: The version from my Invader Ash AU. By now he's aware that his mission wasn't what he thought it was and is fine with being Earth's hero instead of its ruler. He's still morally a very dark grey and kind of crazy though. He is still an Irken and still loyal to the Empire (particularly Tallest Delia) after all.

Aaron Jr: an Ash from a world where the Aura Guardians never faded into obscurity and he received formal training from a young age. Insists that he doesn't count as a child soldier since he stumbled across disasters on his journey for Chosen One Reasons just like the other Ashes did rather than the Order deliberately sending him to solve those problems. Actually the fact that this literal child keeps ending up in so much danger despite their best efforts is one of the Order's biggest headaches. The fact that he's so good at dealing with it (and is one of the most powerful Guardians in decades) only eases their worries a little.

Spooky: A version of Ash who succumbed to the injuries and exhaustion he sustained during the Spearow chase and became a Misdreavus due to a hasty halfway-too-late resurrection attempt from Ho-Oh. He's currently a Mismagius, a master illusionist, the World Monarch just like most of the other Ashes, and has long since come to terms with his death and species change. He does still have a vengeful hatred (and slight fear) of the Spearow line, but can you really blame him?

MyJobIsBeach: An Ash who stayed in Alola to help fully establish the League after becoming the Champion. He did technically go through the plot of Journeys but instead of being a research assistant he just kept running into Goh and Chloe while working his way through the World Coronation Series. He is still friends with them but not quite as close as in most timelines.

DoTheMario!: An Ash who's somewhat more familiar with the Multiverse than the others because his world is permanently linked with a version of the Mushroom Kingdom following a recent adventure. As in, he just finished dealing with the related Big Disaster and stabilizing the connection (since for Complicated Space-Time-Continuum-Could-Get-Torn-Apart reasons they couldn't sever the connection) a couple weeks before the chat got made. Since the point of divergence was so recent (and post-series) he's the second closest to the Main Timeline out of the starting lineup after Ashley.

[linipik]

You asked for the possible routes of my Love Letter 💌 Poll Game Comic

....And HERE IS THE FLOWCHART ITSELF!! (click for the image, it is too big for tumblr)

I made the flowchart to set the whole story so you could play and I just had to follow a specific path (and worry about characterization instead of where the story was going to end)

Trying to organize everything is a bit difficult since there are so many ways the story would have gone thanks to the poll system. So I will try to summarize the biggest changes:

There were two options from the very beginning that were going to set the tone of the whole story and if Lance believed the card was real or if he wouldn't entertain the idea of it.

One of the big differences is that if Lance believed it was real he was gonna ask someone about it...and get rejected anyway

there was this whole idea of Lance going on about his day and to flight simulator practice (and obviously meeting Keith there)

so I could get to this part and to a more...classroom location

If they got into a fight, they would end up in some kind of detention and the WHOLE story would have a sunset setting in the classroom they have to clean (or something, idk what ppl do in detention).

And they would have ended up talking, pretty much like how it happened in the comic. but without any lucky meeting on the rooftop.

The other unused location was Lance's Room. In any of the two cases Lance was getting to his room (Directly after the arcade or after storming out of his fight with Keith) He would have encountered Keith waiting for him in front of his door.

In this case, it would have been obvious that Keith was waiting for him :3

Also, their final talk would have been just there in the hallway, probably ending up in Lance's room

The biggest change in the resolution would have been this part:

Where it explains where the Valentine's card came from. If you all chose that the Valentine's card was more important Keith would have gone and explained that it was his dumb idea. BUT the ending would have been open (and no kiss under the stars)

I think that this clarifies the flowchart, but if you have any other questions, just let me know!

and thank you again for reading and participating. <33

EXTRA:

If I had some time in the comic, I would have expanded on the worldbuilding.

It's nothing fancy, but just some of those that mix Space Exploration with some University setting. They are... ON SPACE!!! on something like an Earth-run Space Explorers program. And since Allura was going to be there there are ALIENS TOO (mostly because i enjoy AUs that are just chill)

think... a mix of Candidate for Goddess with dumbass shenanigans

And since you are here.....SURPRISE! This is a spoiler of the Cover Art for the pdf <3

[cfierce116]

I Want You Around Part 2

A/N: First off, thank you to EVERYONE who showed love on Part 1. I haven't written anything in 7 years so the getting the love means a lot to me. Anyway, here's part 2. Enjoy.

*Pairings: Solo Sikoa/OC (black fem)

*Warnings: Still 18+, a little tiny mention of smut...for now

*Word Count: Approximately 2200 words...

*

Fingers snapped rapidly in an impatient manner. “Earth to Sefa! Is anybody home?” 

Sefa jolted out of his reverie and turned away from the window he was looking out of. Two sets of curious dark brown eyes stared at him, one pair eyeing him in the rearview mirror and the other pair glancing back to the rear seat of the Tahoe he was lounging in.

“Huh?”

“We said what did you want to eat before we headed to the hotel,” Jon asked his younger brother. “Have you been ignoring us this entire time Uce?”

Sefa dragged a tattooed hand over his face and exhaled. “My bad. I just got a lot on my mind.” 

“Like what?” Joshua asked as he redirected his attention back to the road.

“Krys.” 

“Of course,” the twin brothers replied, smirks gracing their lips. 

Sefa rolled his eyes. “I know you not talking seeing as how sappy you are with your wife. You act like a lovesick puppy whenever we’re on the road Jon.” 

Joshua snickered. “He got you there.” 

“To hell with both of y’all. Anyway, what’s happening with Krys? Y’all good?”

“Yeah we’re good,” Sefa responded.  “At least I think we’re good.” 

“You think?” Jon asked as his eyebrow raised curiously. “What happened?”

Sefa exhaled as his mind wandered back to his late night conversation with Krys a couple of nights ago. Neither of them mentioned his request again before he left for the road and despite his calm demeanor on the outside Sefa was a nervous wreck inside. When he first decided he would ask her to move in with him, he was certain that Krys would agree since she loved him as much as he loved her. But she still hadn’t gave him an answer and he was starting to wonder if he jumped the gun too quickly.

“I asked her to move in with me.” 

“Like to live together?” Joshua asked.

“No to have a sleepover. Yes to live together dumbass,” Sefa quipped with a shake of his head.

“Well what did she say?” 

“She said she had to think about it.”

The twins’ faces dropped. “Oh.” 

Sefa looked between his two brothers. “Oh what? You think she’s gonna say no?” 

“Maybe she really does need time to think about it,” Jon said.

“Or maybe she need to figure out a nice way to tell your ass hell no.” 

Jon reached over and slapped Joshua in the chest. “You’re not helping at all.” 

“I’m just saying we need to consider all possibilities.” Joshua glanced at the rearview mirror to Sefa again. “But I’m sure it’s what Jon said. She just needs time to think. Living with somebody - especially your girlfriend - is a big step Uce. You’re sure you’re ready for that?” 

“Positive,” Sefa responded without hesitation. “She already stays at my place any time I’m home. We spend every second of our free time with one another. We should just make it official.” 

“Well are you sure Krys is ready for that?”

“I…Well I don’t know,” Sefa admitted softly. He placed his head in his hands and sighed. “Like I know she loves me but her biggest thing is she doesn’t want to ruin what we have now. And she’s worried moving in together will do that.”

“Take it from somebody who has lived with his wife for over a decade - that’s a valid concern to have. Quite frankly you don’t know somebody until you’ve lived with them,” Jon said.

“Let’s say y’all move in and y’all have some dumbass disagreement. There’s no other place for one of you to run to because y’all share a space.  And what if you uncover some annoying trait that she has that drives you insane? Kinda like how Jon hates how his wife refuses to put any item back in its intended place and leaves it laying around anywhere in their house.” 

Jon snapped his fingers and pointed at Joshua. “Y’all know I can’t stand a messy space. But I deal with it because I love her and we’ve been married for years. But best believe me it grates my fuckin nerves.”

The three brothers chuckled as Joshua exited the highway and merged onto the local roadway. Signs promoting local eateries passed by them indicating they were getting closer to their destination. 

“I hear y’all and I understand where Krys is coming from. But I know in my gut I’m making the right choice,” Sefa declared firmly. “We may not have been together for that long but she’s different Uce. I know she’s destined to be mine forever.” 

Sefa's older brothers shared a look with one another at the determination dripping from his tone. They knew when he had his mind focused on a goal there was nothing on Earth that would stop him from succeeding. But as his big brothers, they still felt an obligation to mentally prepare him if his plans didn't work out the way he wanted them to.

“Well what if she says no?”  Joshua asked.

Sefa pursed his lips together as he considered the possibility. Despite his confidence that Krys would eventually agree, he still had to consider how he would feel if she said no. There was no doubt that they would still love one another but would it cause a fracture in their otherwise stable relationship?

He simply didn’t know. 

Before Sefa could answer, Joshua pulled into the parking lot of Waffle House making Jon audibly groan. Sefa quickly pushed any negative thoughts out of his mind as he watched his older brothers bicker with one another as they exited the truck. He climbed out of the backseat and stretched his arms over his head, his black t-shirt slightly rising and exposing a sliver of skin. He reached into the pocket of his sweatpants and pulled out his cell phone. A picture of him and Krys taken earlier that year on his birthday on the lively Miami strip greeted him as he swiftly unlocked his phone. He typed a quick message to her before he slipped into a booth across from his brothers. 

 *

“So lemme get this straight.”

Krys glanced up from her phone, an easy smile on her lips as she read the text from Sefa she received a few seconds ago. Her gaze landed on her best friend Imani as she leaned back in the booth across from her, folding her arms over the basic white tank top she was wearing. 

“Your boyfriend that you love with all of your heart asked you to move in with him. And you, Krystle Washington, told him you had to think about it?” 

“Yes,” Krys replied with a nod. She grabbed her frozen margarita and took a quick sip. “Exactly.” 

“And exactly how am I supposed to help you make a decision?” 

“You’re supposed to help me think logically about this. You know when it comes to Sefa I can be a little-"

“Dick-notized.” 

An embarrassed flush colored Krys face as she flipped Imani the middle finger. “You’re not funny.”

“Of course I’m not. I’m fuckin hilarious.” 

The two women shared a look before bursting into a fit of giggles causing the other patrons in the restaurant to glance at their table. 

The moment Krys dropped Sefa off at the airport the day before, she immediately called Imani and declared an emergency lunch meeting at their favorite Mexican restaurant.  Besides Sefa, Imani knew her better than anyone else in her life since they’ve been friends since their undergrad days. While Krys moved through life in an impulsive manner, Imani planned everything. She never made a decision unless she weighed all of the pros and cons and always had a back up plan. On the outside looking in, the two would not look like they would mesh well as best friends. However, they both offered one another something they needed: In Krys, Imani had a friend that encouraged her to let loose a little and to ignore her perfectly crafted plans.  Meanwhile Imani was the one Krys knew she could count on to ground her in reality instead of allowing her to get lost in her whimsical fantasy world.

“Imani give me some credit. I actually held off on making a choice the night he asked me.” 

“Which I must say I’m shocked. Because you and I both know you’re the kind to act first and ask questions never in most scenarios.” 

“Yes but living together with your boyfriend is a huge commitment.” 

“It is. Sharing a mutual space with one another. Dividing expenses. Having to agree on the same toilet paper to use. All important aspects.” 

“And I love Sefa. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have reservations.” 

“Such as?” 

Krys sighed as she ran a hand over her curly hair that was styled in a messy top bun, her index finger toying with the salted rim of her glass. “Things are just going really well with us right now even with him constantly being on the road. But what if we move in together we realize that we were better off having our own space and freedom? That we’re not compatible enough to live with one another? What if it causes us to break up?”

Imani placed her fork down on her plate and reached across the table grabbing her friend’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “You’re absolutely right. Those possibilities could happen. But I’m certain they won’t.” 

“Why?”

“Because Sefa adores you. If he could he would give you the entire world. And we both know he doesn’t let many people close to him. Him asking you to live with him is a giant leap that he’s taking as well. But he’s willing to take it because he loves you so much. And with the limited knowledge that I have about the way he thinks, I know he wouldn’t have asked you if he wasn’t absolutely sure about y’all relationship. Now I know I’m the last person who would say something like this but let’s think about the good things that could happen if you moved in with him.”

“Like what?” 

“The bond you share with him could grow stronger. Y’all could grow closer. Y’all could fall in love even more. Hell it might even lead to…” 

Imani trailed off as Krys felt anxiety fluttering in the pit of her stomach. She would be lying to herself if she said the image of her marching down the aisle to an awaiting Sefa didn’t cross her mind once or twice. But that’s what made this dilemma so challenging. She didn’t want her choice to fuck up the best thing that had happened to her in years. And most importantly, she didn’t want to hurt Sefa.

What initially started off as her accepting a date from a handsome new NXT recruit months after she started her new job as a photographer for WWE had blossomed into something even her idyllic brain couldn’t dream of. From the moment their lips first touched on their first date, Krys knew Sefa was different from the prior men she dated.  Yes the sex was breathtaking. But their connection went deeper than that. He was stoic on the outside but possessed a heart full of gold that only Krys and others close to him got to witness. He always surprised her with how he paid attention to every detail about her from how she liked her coffee (with five creams until the liquid matched her complexion) to how she preferred to wear her curly hair (a top knot bun to avoid her thick mane laying on her neck in the Florida humidity). He didn’t speak much but when he did, his deep, strong voice oozed into her ears like liquid gold causing her to hang onto every word he said,  fantasizing about the different spots on her body she wanted his thick lips to caress. 

But one of the most important aspects of their relationship was that Sefa accepted Krys for the person she was instead of trying to change her into what he thought the perfect girlfriend should be. He made her feel safe to show him the true her. With her exes, she always felt the pressure to conform her personality to merge seamlessly with theirs. But Sefa never made her feel that way. He was a loner and she was a social butterfly. She constantly wore her emotions on her sleeve while he hid his under lock and key unless he really trusted you. On paper, the two of them were like oil and vinegar. But to anybody that saw them together they were perfect for one another.  While she had her concerns about living with him and their relationship advancing to the next level, Krys couldn’t ignore what she knew deep down in her core.

Sefa was the man she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. 

“I know that look all too well.” 

The sound of Imani’s voice interrupted Krys's thoughts. Her eyes landed on Imani's smirking face. “What?” 

“I know you called me out to help you decide but let’s face it. Krys you already knew what you wanted to say the night he asked you,” Imani said. “Remove what I think and what Sefa wants from the equation. What would make Krys happy?” 

Krys bit the corner of her lip , silently considering her friend's words before reaching for her purse on the seat next to her and pulled out her cell phone. Her eyes fell on the background photo of her and Sefa standing in front of his mother’s large Christmas tree the year before as she entered her lock code, the device immediately landing on the message thread between the two. Before her fears could stop her, Krys typed out a simple three word text.

Yes.

[wmheart3012]

𝟒: 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 | 𝐎𝐂!𝐋𝐞𝐮𝐫 𝐱 𝐀𝐳𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐥

♡ 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 | ♤ 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 | ♞ 𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭/𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭 | ☆ 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭 {𝟏𝟖+} | ♛ 𝐆𝐨𝐫𝐞 {𝟏𝟖+}

꧁༒☬𝓶𝓪𝓭𝓭𝔂'𝓼 𝓷𝓪𝓿𝓲𝓰𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷☬༒꧂

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★彡[ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ʀᴇ-ᴘᴏꜱᴛ, ᴏʀ ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ. ɪ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴏᴡɴ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴʏ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ ɪɴᴠᴏʟᴠᴇᴅ ɴᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴʏ ᴀᴄᴛᴏʀꜱ, ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇxᴄᴇᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴏᴄ. ᴀʟʟ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀᴄᴄᴜʀᴀᴛᴇ ᴅᴇᴘɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ.]彡★

★彡[ᴍɪɴᴏʀꜱ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴇɴɢᴀɢᴇ]彡★

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𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝟏: 𝐀 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 - ★彡[ᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛꜱ]彡★

★彡[ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ]彡★

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Leur

4 months before the first war

"If you two trained half as much as you whined, we'd be in great shape." Rhysand frowned, picking something off of his leathers.

"I'm not whining." I looked to him, "I just don't see why it has to be you who trains us. Is Cassian busy?"

"No. He's just sick of you." Rhys answered.

"Wrong, Cassian would never get sick of me." I slid against a tree, feeling the warm spring earth beneath me as I sat in the grass. We'd been out here since dawn, and everything hurt.

"I don't remember telling you to sit." He scowled my way.

"You didn't. It's Tamlin's turn." I said.

"Don't bring me into your sibling quarrels." The blonde looked up from adjusting a bandolier on his chest, "Last time I got involved, I got a broken nose for it."

"You deserved it." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"All I said was that Rhys was right, you can't just fly into the Summer Court and start throwing yourself off cliffs into the water. It's dangerous and-" Tamlin started.

"See, you deserved it just for the way you started that sentence. You're not allowed to side with Rhys." I looked up at him.

"I'm not allowed to side with Rhys?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"No, you're not." I replied.

Tamlin laughed, "And why is that?"

"Because you're my best friend." I answered, as if it was obvious, "You're always supposed to be on my side."

"Even when your side could get you killed, and banned from the Summer Court?" He cocked his head.

"It wouldn't have gotten me killed. I have wings, dumbass." I let them loose for emphasis, the sunlight that peeked through the trees warmed the delicate skin as I toyed with a soft purple carnation growing next to me.

"I'm sick of listening to you two flirt." Rhys groaned, and then he threw a punch at Tamlin, catching the blonde off guard. I could barely contain the laugh that left my throat.

I watched them fight, like light and dark twisting around eachother. Every once in a while, Rhysand would give him corrections, but Tamlin had a habit of allowing my brother to egg him on until his anger made him sloppy. I had a habit of allowing myself to fall into traps that Rhys set for me, far too overconfident in my abilities against a much larger opponent. That was the biggest thing we were working on today, keeping in control.

And for Tamlin, that was easier said than done.

On the brink of war, his family had recently sworn an alliance with Hybern. As the youngest heir, Tamlin probably wouldn't be allowed to do much fighting. He'd be stuck here, at home, having to entertain Hybern royals and play the part of human slave master. I knew how much it bothered him, knew how he felt about being sidelined on the wrong side of the battle, and soon our courts would be at war with one another.

I wasn't sure what my father had planned for me to do. He wasn't to keen on letting me fight, or even train. He only allowed it because Rhysand had begged him to- and for his favorite child, his heir, he would yield.

But not for me, never for me.

I was always too wild, too talkative, too much.

Too Illyrian.

And it was no secret that a High Lord's daughter was rare. They almost always bore sons, heirs to the throne. I supposed that nobody had any true control over it, but for some reason the high families of Prythian were always, almost exclusively- men. As it stood right now, I was the only princess in Prythian aside from Mor. Though, I wasn't sure if she truly counted.

"You spend too much time protecting your left side and fighting with your right, it lets your enemy know where your weakness is. Fight with your entire body." Rhysand called out to Tamlin.

And even rarer was for two High Lord's to have a child in the same year. It was odd how it worked out, but Tamlin and I were born only 2 months apart, him before me. Therefore, our entire lives we were lumped together. Social gatherings and meetings, we were always seated next to the other. I was certain our fathers were already in talks about betrothing us before we even learned how to walk, no matter how much they despised one another. It was just too perfect, too right. Two opposites, darkness and light, Cauldron-gifted in the same year of birth.

I was sure I could be happy in a marriage with Tamlin. He was loyal, and he made me laugh. We'd been close since before I can remember, so we knew eachother well enough. I did love him, and maybe in time I could love him the way I'd need to.

But how happy could you ever be knowing you'd be happier somewhere else?

Tamlin's mating bond had snapped into place about a year ago, with some cruel looking red-haired Hybern commander. He hated her, so much so that he was willing to completely ignore the fact that she was his mate. We didn't speak of it much, but I could feel his shame, his hatred towards her. He was more concerned with ensuring his family never found out, because if he did there was no way they'd pass up having their son create an alliance for them with Hybern. No, it wouldn't be hard for him. He'd ignore that mating bond with ease, always assuming the cauldron had made a mistake.

Things were different for me.

I knew where my mating bond would be long before I ever felt it. And I was not ashamed in the slightest. I hadn't told Tamlin, but I doubted that he would be surprised when I did.

I need to speak with you. Father's voice echoed in my mind, pushing past my mental shields.

I'm on my way. I answered, standing from the dirt and wiping off my leathers.

"Our oh so gracious father has requested my presence." I called out to Rhys, "Kick his ass for me, Tam." Neither of them gave me a second glance as I winnowed away.

The wind smashed into me as I appeared in the air above Velaris. In the daylight, the city beamed with lively music and bustling crowds. My wings shot out to catch me, the air swirling around me as I sailed through it. Before I made my way to the House of Wind, I let the shadows curl around me. A beautiful black silk gown replaced my leathers.

I landed in the balcony, undoing my braid as I walked, letting my hair fall around me. The shadows swirled up my arms whispering in my ear that father was not in a pleasant mood. So, my crown appeared in my hand and I used the reflection of the marble walls to place it atop my head. With a flick of my hand as I opened the door to his study, I magicked khol around my eyes and soft pink paint on my lips.

When he looked up from his desk, I looked as if I had been out shopping, not training in the Spring Court.

Not that he didn't know, but he much preferred to pretend I did not.

"Leuruna." My father's voice curled around me, "Sit."

I obeyed, feeling the first edges of nervousness sink into me, "You look stressed, father."

"War is coming, of course I am stressed." He tapped his fingers on the table as he spoke, his violet eyes bright against his pale skin. Staring me down, as if he was looking into my soul.

"Tell me what I can do to help." I answered.

I would have much preferred to tell him I'd rather rip myself to shreds than lift a finger to help him, but I knew what would happen if I didn't play loving, doting daughter. The old bruise healing on my arm seemed to ache in response.

"As you know, Hybern is a formidable enemy." He began, "Even with all our allying courts and the human armies united against them, we cannot fight them head on and win."

"Are the Illyrian legions still giving you a hard time?" I frowned.

"That is not the issue." He answered.

Meaning the answer was yes.

"The issue is that Hybern has an arsenal of weapons at their disposal that we do not have. They have enough faebane to delegate all of our armies to fight with twigs if they please." His voice was cold as he stared at me.

"You're not reconsidering our alliance?" I couldn't stop myself from allowing the fear to seep into my voice.

"No, I do not believe in slavery. You know that." He defended.

Could have fooled me.

"But, I am willing to allow Hybern to think we are acting as spies for our allies. In actuality, we will be spying on them." He spoke, "We will use the Illyrians who are begging to ally with Hybern to our advantage."

"That won't be enough." I countered, "They will not believe that we are truly their ally based off a few Illyrian troops."

"No, it is not, and I will have to make sacrifices for the greater good." He spoke slowly, as if I was still a child, "The reason I am telling you this, Leuruna, is because I need someone in their court."

I sat back in my chair, feeling like the air was pulled out of my chest, "You want me to go to Hybern?"

"In order to prove my alliance, I am going to gift the king a shadowsinger. I had originally planned to use Azriel, but I think you may be more useful at prying information out of him." My father looked me up and down, and for a moment I wanted to rip my skin off my body.

He wanted to whore me out to Hybern, for information.

But if I refused, he'd send Azriel into that hellhole. My heart clenched in fear at the mere thought of it, at the risk, at what could happen if he was found out.

It was a double play, a double risk. I'd be a target for both Hybern and our true allies.

"I need to know that you are willing to do anything in order to ensure the safety of our lands. He needs to trust you. He needs to be willing to protect you."

I felt like I was going to be sick.

What choice did I have?

It was either me or Azriel.

And I'd do anything to protect my mate.

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★彡[ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ - ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ]彡★

[tigerdrop]

Hi I pre-ordered the keychain and I'm very excited for it!! I wanted to know how you think it would go if Bill and Ford were to reunite at some point post Weirdmageddon, Bill is still incredibly obsessed with Ford (and likely that will never change), but Ford is angry at him because of the past, do you think they could work something out?

oh i absolutely do. i was just thinking about this the other day.......sure it would be healthier for both of them to cope and move on, but would it be more fun?? NO!!!!!!!!

i can make it work. im going to write this eventually but right now im working on a fic about the first time bill and ford hook up. but i can make it work

consider bill taking a lot of misguided lessons from his therapy sessions and thinking "well clearly the way to fix all of this and get sixer back is to go back in time and redo everything. but better this time". envision this going haywire in every way you would expect going back in time to fix things to do

even funnier if bill decides hes going to break out of the theraprism to do this. he Did not learn a fucking thing other than "if you are mean to somebody they might not like you anymore". mission accomplished

i think he could fuck things up so bad with time travel bullshit . it would be so funny. we all saw the fucking time travel episode, ok, now imagine something like that except with bill desperately trying to interrupt the timeline to show sixer that hes got Emotional Intelligence now, he did therapy, he made collages and lumpy clay hearts that he DIDNT smash into goop, and hes Better than the bill ford knew when he was younger. it would be so embarrassing to watch

my vision is that bill makes such a huge fucking mess of the timeline and of their dimension and it causes so many problems for so many people and they are all So mad at him. except, weirdly enough, for ford

the guys on trial for time crimes and the only one willing to say a nice thing about him is his dipshit ex with an ego bigger than god. because he actually feels touched that bill did all of this stuff just for him. and bill apologized, even if he doesnt fully understand the purpose of "apologies" or "contrition"

it hits ford square in the emotional intersection of "i never stopped thinking about bill even though he fucked me over and i never want to see him again" and "bill would cause this much trouble and this much chaos out of a misguided attempt to patch things up". he actually cares!!!

and its cartoons. its not like bill has to go to fucking time jail if i dont want him to. ford can abruptly interrupt to defend him out of nowhere while every single member of his family thinks he has lost his mind. the power of love (and time community service) can get him out of it. And it can work

ford never stopped being easy to flatter and having a god move heaven and earth just to make him happier is like the biggest ego boost known to man. so even if hes still hurt over everything i dont think he could resist feeling that special. that powerful

but now hes older and smarter and he doesnt have anything to offer bill. and bill doesnt have anything he wants anymore. except, you know. company

so i think ford is easily stupid enough to have one last pity date that turns into a second and a third and so on. its not like everything is fixed but bill showed that he was actually capable of emotional growth. he Did change. just for some dumbass human. which is crazayyyyyy

(and now at least 7 different people/creatures/entities would explode bill into 1 million pieces if he throws another fucking tantrum. and fords got that aluminum plate in his head......hes the one in control now. bill cant do anything except, maybe, break fords heart. which would also make everybody explode him)

everybody hates that bill shows up to family functions now but what can you do. sometimes the interdimensional dream demon that possessed you and slammed your hands in drawers ends up dating your grunkle. Its basically the same as having a stepdad

and they could fuck about it. The end