#big bean G talks

[bluecollarmcandtf]

M O O N L I G H T ™

Chapter III

It's late, and the last thing I expect to find at my nightly workout is my little bro, dressed up like a personal trainer. He looks ridiculous in that cheesy uniform, not to mention the light pouring out of his skull and the smile stamped into his face! I guess the little idiot signed up for Moonlight™: that was one helluva mistake!

"Good evening, sir," my brother speaks as if we hadn't grown up together, "Is there any way I can aid your fitness journey tonight?"

Hearing Ryan call me 'sir' brings a devious grin to my own face. I've bullied this kid for years, and now he's kissing my ass like well-trained puppy. Thanks to Moonlight™, my annoying little bro is just a mind controlled employee who doesn't realize his brother's here, let alone embarrassing him! I wish I could get my entire family implanted with these little Moonlight™ things. Messing with them would be hilarious!

"Oh yeah," I sneer, "And what's string bean gonna do for a guy like me?"

"Well, sir, as a personal trainer here at Planet Fitness, I'll gladly demonstrate how to use the machines, spot patrons with heavy-lifting, and return equipment when finished."

God, he sounds even more annoying than usual! "You really think a someone like you could spot me?" I scoff and bring my bicep to his face, flexing it inches away from his perpetually open eyes.

"Actually, sir, this body can lift 260 lbs on the bench press without injury. The load you have is well-enough below to ensure that I may be of service. Still sir, the weight you're lifting is a very respectable amount," Ryan's smile beamed at me, but mine fell.

"Whatever, I'll be fine," I retort, "Just stand over there and mop up my sweat when I'm done."

"Yes, sir."

My little brother takes a step back as I get ready to lift. As stupid as he looks, standing there waiting on me to finish, he also looks pretty fit. His company polo might be sweaty and gross, but it's tight against his improving physique. He's clearly been lifting a lot while he's been working here, but his gains should not count if Moonlight™ is the one actually working out that pathetic little body! The only way he could bulk up was by becoming a fucking puppet! Talk about sad!

"Fuck!" I grunt, tossing the barbell back as I finish. I did a few extra sets to prove a point and now my arms are on fire. "Towel!" I snap.

"Yes, sir," Ryan rushes over and wipes the sweat off my brow. I just laugh in his face.

"I think I got some sweat on my sneakers too," I jab, "You can wipe them off and then put twenty more pounds on the bar."

"Of course, sir."

My brother gets on his knees with the towel, giving my sneakers a cursory buff. I don't know what personal trainer has shoe-shining in his job description, but I've heard these Moonlight™ employees can be pretty pliant. Apparently, you can make them do quite a bit with the loopholes in their programming. Maybe I can get Ryan here to do something even more embarrassing than polishing his big bro's shoes!

The next week, I worked out every night.

Turns out, bullying my little bro was great motivation to go to the gym! When I saw him during the day, I never mentioned the fact that I knew; didn't want to scare him off. At night, I had every opportunity to take out my frustrations on him. If he pissed me off during the day, I could boss him around at the gym, ordering him to follow me around and wipe down every piece of equipment. I could call him whatever names I wanted and yell at him as loudly as I pleased; he had to just stand there with the best customer service smile and say "yes, sir."

Playing around with Ryan was fun, but it wasn't until I went out for a drink that I ran into my second brother. I guess he had the same idea to get hired with Moonlight™...

"Can I fix you a drink, sir?" my brother, the middle child, yells over the club's EDM.

"What the hell?" I shout, "Ryan's dumb enough to Moonlight™, but I didn't think you were!"

Sam just stares back with the same flashlight eyes and widely stretched lips. Of course his programming won't let him do anything outside of bartending! He's probably not even conscious in there! Ryan was always a bit of an impulsive twerp, so I wasn't surprised to see him Moonlighting™, but Sam is different. He'd said he'd never put his body to work at night. Something about the behavior of Moonlighters™ always rubbed him the wrong way...I guess he changed his mind.

"A round of beers," I tell him, warily gesturing to the back corner, "For me and our crew."

Sam's glowing stare looks over my shoulder and sees our friends, the guys we both hang out with, "Yes, sir. I'll have it right out for you."

I return to our pals, anxious for my brother to follow. Sam is only a year younger than myself, so we run around with the same crowd, yet he didn't recognize any of our buds. Now he's about to serve them like a fucking waiter. My catatonic brother is about to walk into the most humiliating situation of his life. I just get to sit back and watch!

"Sam?" one of them asks a moment later.

"Here are your beers, sir," my brother plucks the bottles off his tray and sets them out for each of his friends, completely oblivious to their stunned reactions, "Is there anything else I can get any of you?"

"Holy crap, dude!" another pal turns to me, "Since when did your brother start Moonlight? He looks like a total idiot!"

Sam doesn't seem to register the insult.

"I don't know man," I laugh, "Tonight, I guess."

"Fetch us some napkins," one guy quips with an amused flick of his hand.

"Right away, sir." Sam answers a little too promptly, and whisks away.

"Right away, sir, Ha!" the guy repeats with a mock salute, "We've gotta mess with him!"

Sam returns, obediently passing out napkins, but I'm finding it harder to meet his gaze while he's grinning so manically. This situation is starting to feel more awkward than hilarious. These guys will never let him live this down!

"Sam, get over here and give this paying customer a sloppy BJ!"

My brother stiffens, and for a second a jolt of fear runs down my spine, terrified that Moonlight™ will actually make him comply. Pranks are all good and fun, but I do not want to see my brother about to blow another dude!

"I apologize, sir," he finally resumes, "That is not part of my responsibilities as bartender."

Thank God.

"Then get something to clean this up," he laughs wildly, "You spilled my beer!" Our friend then pours half his drink on the crotch of his jeans, staring at Sam with the amused eyes of a drunk fool. This guy always gets weird after a few drinks. I don't know why we still bring him along. Normally, we just ignore him.

"Of course, sir," Sam answers attentively.

For the next ten minutes, I sit in silent horror as my brother returns with a rag, proceeding to get on his knees and wipe down another man's crotch with painful dedication. Of course, our friends are all howling with laughter at this point, taking video evidence that they can embarrass Sam with later.

It feels like a lifetime, but Sam finally stands up, "I hope I cleaned that up well enough for you, sir."

The guy feels at his wet jeans, saying, "I don't know if that's good enough, bitch."

"I'm sorry, sir, let me try ag-"

"No! It's my turn," someone else cuts in, pushing his way to the front, "You spilled some on my ass that needs cleaned up!"

The gang loses it, doubling over with laughter as Sam prepares to spend the next ten minutes wiping down another guy's ass, but I've had enough, "No! We're done here, thank you. Go close our tab," I bark.

"Yes, sir," Sam turns on his heel. His dumb obedience is more disturbing than entertaining at this point.

Our friends all give me a hard time for sending him away, but I'm not having it. Maybe I'm not drunk enough, but they're enjoying this a lot more than I am. At this point, I'm ready to call it a night and go home, so I say my goodbyes and head for the exit.

The walk home isn't a far one, but I pass a few notable places on the way: one being my dad's dark office building. Our old man has been working late nights there lately. In the dimly lit lobby, I recognize someone...

"Dad?" I gasp.

"Good evening, sir," my father says to me without any note of familiarity in his voice.

"Wait, you're moonlighting too?" it comes out as more of an accusation, but at this point I'm fed up with finding family members secretly working random mind-controlled night jobs.

"I am a security guard employed through the Moonlight™ corporation," his gravelly voice sounds foreign, delivering these programmed prompts, "If you'd like, sir, I can help you apply for a Moonlight™ position, and you can start making the most of your sleeping hours too!"

"Why the fuck did you think this was a good idea, dad?" I ask, knowing this stupid security guard persona isn't capable of answering.

"He didn't."

The voice of someone else in the room sends shivers down my spine. I whip around, and see a gangly, middle-aged man stepping forward.

"Jeff?"

"Hi, Jamie," my uncle says, sauntering up to his far taller brother and resting an arm on his shoulder. My dad's attentive posture doesn't waver. He just keeps on acting like the perfect sentry for the building and the perfect armrest for his brother.

"Do you mind telling me what's going on!?"

He sniffles and sighs like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "Yes, I suppose this charade of mine was doomed to be found out sooner or later. I put your father in the Moonlight™ database. He was just wasting his sleeping hours at home in his bed, and he'd always refuse to let me sign him up, so I did it in secret. He makes a great guard. Right Tom?"

Uncle Jeff claps my dad on the back, prompting him to announce a proud, "Yes, sir!"

"See," my uncle turns back to me, "No harm done. Your old man gets paid to stand around in his sleep. Its harmless!"

"But he doesn't know!" I yell, seething at my uncle's sheer abuse of his place in the company, "This has to be illegal, and are you just pocketing Dad, Ryan, and Sam's salaries?"

He rolls his eyes, "I am right now, but the four of you don't even make that much."

"Did you just say the four of us?" I grunt.

"Oops," he holds a hand to his forehead and curses under his breath.

"AM I FUCKING MOONLIGHTING WHILE I SLEEP TOO?" I am screaming at this point, "You're fucked up!" I bark. Angrily, I stomp towards my uncle, but my father takes a firm step planting himself between me and the man. His steady palm is holding the baton at his belt, making me nervous. Is my dad about to beat me up for this creep?

"Excuse me, sir," my dad smiles at my uncle, "Would you like me to escort this man out of the building?"

"That won't be necessary," my uncle says, "I'll just trigger his Moonlight™ shift to start now. You can go back to standing in the corner"

"Yes, sir," my security guard father answers placidly, returning to his attentive stance.

"You wouldn't," I snarl.

"Oh, trust me, I will. As I understand it, overriding a subject's body while awake means you'll be fully conscious. I'll work on something to make you forget this whole incident later."

He presses a few buttons on an ipad, and suddenly my vision is engulfed in a purple haze. My back straightens, my muscles relax, and I feel my face contorts into a giant smile. Suddenly, my entire body seems to be gone from my grasp, and I'm constrained to a tiny space in my head while something else takes over.

"Enjoy your shift," my uncle snickers with a glare.

"Thank you, sir. I will," I feel my voice pushed out of my throat with an excited tone that isn't mine. Before I know it, my legs are carrying me away from my uncle, leaving him with my father, to march down the dark street...

"Here's your order, sir," my voice has the trademarked Moonlight™ eagerness in it as I reach out the window and hand over the meal.

"Fuck off, sleep-freak!" the teen in the driver's seat flips me off, making his immature friends cackle as they speed off. I can't do anything but smile and watch as they weave away. They have no idea I'm actually conscious in here.

After being forced to leave my uncle, I found myself striding into a fast food restaurant through its backdoor. I could instantly tell the place wasnt anywhere I'd eat at because the dumpster smelled like soggy fries and old meat. The kitchen was a fluorescent-lit pit, with a thick feeling of oil hanging in the air. I could barely take in the surroundings before I was changing out of my clothes by some lockers. I was horrified that Moonlight™ was making me fucking strip, but before long my hands were pulling on new clothes: a uniform. The polo felt like it'd been sitting at the bottom of the locker since the last shift, drying in sweat, and the pants were sticky with something unidentifiable. I was mortified to be pulling on a fucking hairnet and apron, but I had no choice.

"Blondie's here early," a smoker's voice purred from behind me. I had a bad feeling he'd been standing there for a while, watching.

"Hello boss," my voice answers, apparently recognizing the overweight, unshaved creep, "I'm ready to start my shift, sir! Where am I needed today?"

I watched as the man licked his stubbly lips, his beady eyes crawling all over me. Without any shame, his sweaty palm groped the growing bulge in his khakis. He was obviously happy to see me, and he probably thought I couldn't actually see him! I guess, every fucking night that my uncle's made me work in my sleep, I've been under the supervision of THIS pervert!?

"Get to the fryer," his scratchy throat moaned, "You know I want you to get nice and sweaty for later."

"Yes, sir. I'll be sure to work up a sweat for you," I answer, confused and disturbed by my response. The cheer in my voice did not match the overwhelming gloom I felt when the man slapped my ass. His hand lingered on my rear for too long, but I couldn't even frown.

Since then, I've been boiling fries and flipping burgers. Every so often I have to hand an order out the window, but my heart races every time I do. Three orders ago, the customer threw their soda back at my coworker, he's a fairly average guy in his thirties, and he was dowsed in Coca-Cola. It didn't keep Moonlight™'s programming from working: he just kept manning the grill, smiling, eyes glowing, and hair dripping with cherry flavored juice.

"Ouch!" at least, that's what I want to say. The oil sizzles and pops, and a few drops of hot grease splatter onto my arm, but I don’t flinch. The control won’t let me.

Suddenly I feel someone leaning in behind me. My spine shivers as my manager says, "It's closing time, Blondie. I'll send everyone home so you and I can clean up like usual." He whispers it in my ear, with his flabby arms wrapped around me like we're fucking lovers! I wish I could vomit!

"Sounds good, boss," I find myself saying.

One by one, the manager dismisses each of my moonlighting coworkers. I can't help but feel jealous as they strip out of their uniforms by the door. It isn't just that they get to leave; they also have the luxury of not knowing what's going on. They're all asleep. I'd give anything to at least be unaware of whatever this fucking pervert is about to do!

My body is preoccupied with whatever shit needs to be done for closing, wiping down the tables, taking out the trash, and more.

"Mop time," the manager suddenly announces, holding the raggedy thing out expectantly.

"Yes, sir," my voice answers, and I drop what I'm doing to accept the mop. The crotch of his pants is unzipped, but my bodies already turned away from him, turning all my attention to swab the tiles floor.

"You're doing it wrong again, Blondie," he purrs slowly, "I'm gonna have to help you like usual."

"Thank you, sir," my voice sounds grateful, but I am anything but. The pervert presses his rotund body against my back and holds my muscular arms with his own chubby ones. I can feel his penis poking into me below his gut, but my body accepts his touch like he's just a boss helping out an employee.

I guess this asshole found a loophole in Moonlight™'s fucking programming. He's going to touch me all he wants under the guise of demonstrating the right way to mop.

The creep spends the next ten minutes guiding my arms back and forth. "Fuck, you're bubble butt feels even better than usual, Blondie," he breathes in my ear. If I had control of my muscles, he wouldn't stand a chance, but right now, they're putty in my boss's arms. Meanwhile, his waist gets busy dry humping his chode into my rear end. "I'm so glad a jock like you was dumb enough to try Moonlight!" he grunts, his tongue dangerously close to my ear. I can only thank God that he can't take my pants off! After several painful minutes of him spitting more disgusting comments onto my cheek, his arms drop mine and plant themselves on my chest. His hands sloppily grope my pecs and pinch my nipples. I've never felt more pathetic. The man makes one final exclamation, "FUUUCK!" and I can tell he has finally gotten off.

"Thanks for the help, boss," I find myself saying.

With heavy breaths, he staggers back. The sudden open air on my back makes me realize just how hot and sweaty that slob was, and I can feel the slimy remnants of his balls slipping down my back and legs.

"Good job as always, Blondie," he breathes heavily with satisfaction.

"Thank you, sir," I answer. My voice hasn't lost its awful chipper quality, and my face is still stuck in a smile like I hadn't just been taken advantage of.

"Finish mopping up, and then you can lock up and clock out," he winks as if we shared some inside joke. I hate that all he sees is my smile.

"Yes, sir," I answer, but the creep has already waddled out of the building and slammed the door shut.

The sudden silence is unbearable. It makes the monotonous task of mopping the sticky floors all the more unpleasant. What's worse is that I can't pause to wash the manager's cum off my back. It soaks into my pants as I work, trapped in my own body. At least I know why these pants are so sticky. Honestly, I hope Uncle Jeff will wipe my memory...

[sweet-s0rr0w]

day 18 of @hprecfest - a fic that makes you laugh

Little Red Courgette, by @blamebrampton - T, 31k, 2009

Summary: When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

All along, Kingsley Shacklebolt finds himself pining for the good old days, when, instead of governing, all you had to worry about were Dark Lords and imminent death.

Excerpt:

They each made it through a bowl of chocolate with sundry other flavours garnishing it. And three large glasses of wine. This was the only excuse Draco could find for the fact that he found himself asking Potter: 'So what's your game?'

'Quidditch,' Potter replied instantly. 'Or Exploding Snap.'

'Here. What's your game here.'

'I'm not with you.'

A part of Draco's brain screamed at him to stop, but the alcohol-soaked part, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Smythe's, encouraged him to go on. 'Are you working with Kingsley to enlist me as your pawn in a clean out of the Ministry? You were very quick to agree when I asked you to warn The Quibbler off, was it all a ruse?'

'I thought you were engaged in your own hands-on grass-roots Ministry reform, making the one department work well, with an eye to expanding in the future,' Potter rebutted.

'Well I am, so you needn't try making use of me in your nefarious scheme.'

'I don't have a nefarious scheme.'

'So is it all a complicated plan to take some highly personal and embarrassing revenge for the Potter Stinks badges? Because that was years ago. And although I feel a little badly about it now, they were excellent work for a wizard that age.'

'They were, I was impressed. I still have one at home, you know.'

'Really?'

'Yup. I thought you were a wanker at the time, but I have to say, that was a quality Charm.'

'Thanks. So what's left? You're in the hire of someone keen to assassinate the last of the Malfoys; it's all an elaborate if somewhat clumsy plan at seduction; or you're desperate for someone to talk to now that all your friends are getting married and having children.'

'Those are my options? I'll take two, clumsy seduction.'

'Really?'

Back in 2019 when I rediscovered the joys of fanfic after over a decade out, I started off the way any (less tech-savvy) millennial would, by googling 'Drarry fanfiction'. blamebrampton's works were some of the first that I found, and I was immediately entranced. They're such an incredible variety, from the Muggle World-set Doing the Lambeth Walk, to travel fic Beneath Boundless Skies, to wartime epic (and longtime @tackytigerfic obsession) And Save Me From Bloody Men. No matter what the topic, though, blamebrampton's sense of humour always shines through in her sharp observations and witty dialogue, and in Little Red Courgette she's able to showcase this to the fullest extent. It's a hilarious examination of government bureaucracy from the world-weary point of view of one Draco Malfoy, an employee of the Office for the Volumetric Standardisation of Edible Wizarding Greengrocery Produce. The veg related puns are numerous, and excellent, and both Draco and Harry are incredibly endearing. Big rec, for all her works!

If you read it, and especially if you love it, please do let me know! And as always, please do take the time to leave the author a kudos/comment <3

day 1 - first fic you remember reading

day 2 - a fic rated G

day 3 - a fic not on ao3

day 4 - a comfort fic

day 5 - a romantic fic

day 6 - a fic for a ship you don’t normally read

day 7 - the best of your OTP

day 8 - a fic that was recced to you

day 9 - a WIP

day 10 - a fest/event fic

day 11 - an underrated fic

day 12 - a fic from your favourite author

day 13 - a rare pair

day 14 - a fic rated T

day 15 - a fic over 50k

day 16 - a podfic

day 17 - a fic that makes you cry

[dino-boyo-agere]

AgeRe YouTube Channel list

Haii!!

I decided to write down my favorite age-regression YouTube channels, as well as some I just really like to watch when I'm tiny!

Some of those channels are sparse in their uploading schedule, diverted their theme away from regression or have stopped uploading all together. Nonetheless, even in those cases, their old videos on/ about AgeRe are still a great watch and I highly recommend checking them out!

!! of course it's all SFW content aswell !!

So, without further ado, here is my list..

.･｡ﾟ×ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ×ﾟ｡･*.ﾟ.✧.ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ×ﾟ｡･*.ﾟ☆ﾟ×ﾟ｡･.

Age regression channels:

• ri's space (formerly known as Rileys littlespace)

• Smolbinkie

• AspenSprout

• Babie dani

• Little Moo Moo (i love them so much + their a POC) ╰→ ! they are DDLG aligned, but still make SFW content !

• Vexedbabie

• Princess smol bean

• Natalie's age regression

• milkwebs

• Little kitty space

• Xlittle.plantx

• Small safe space

• cottagebabydol

• Little Disreactions (AgeRe themed/ coded ASMR)

• Blond boy (i think this one's actually ABDL tho?)

• LittleBabysLittleSpace (this one's also ABDL)

Crafting channels:

• NerdEcrafter (always fun when smol)

• North of the Border (great for spookie tiny ones)

• Bobby Duke Arts

• Studson Studio

• Nick Zametti

• Ten Hundred

• I did a thing��

• Jazza (also especially kiddo friendly)

• Evan and Katelyn

• Kasey Golden

• Moriah Elizabeth

• Super Rae dizzle

• Maquaroon

• Dollightfull

• HeXtian

• Tyler Tube

Toy and slime review channels:

• ashens (idk why lil me luvs to watch this, u might too)

• Great Big Toy Box

• Next Jen (Main of GBTB)

• Sandaisy

• It's kristiii

Learning channels:

• Mrs. Rachel (recommended by @zack-agere)

• William Osman

• TheBackyardScientist

• Be Smart (recommended by @zack-agere)

• Crash Course Kids

• Free School

• Peekaboo Kidz

• It's AumSum Time

• Clever Kids

• BRIGHT SIDE Series

• Toy Time Town

• SciShow Kids

• BE AMAZED

• KLT (learning with songs, for smol & big kids)

• Danny Go! (rlly like dis one, even has a vid on ASL!!)

• Kids TV123 (learning with songs, for extra tiny ones)

Dino channels:

• The Dinosaur Channel

• Dinosaurs

• Ben G Thomas

Space Channels:

• Future Space

• PBS Space Time

• History of the Universe

• melodysheep (has some really great vids on space!)

Arcade channels:

• Push Time Wins

• Kawaii arcade master

TV/ Movie talk Channels:

Pugly

Dylan Is In Trouble

Alex Hefner's TV and Movie Vault

.･｡ﾟ×ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ×ﾟ｡･*.ﾟ.✧.ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ×ﾟ｡･*.ﾟ☆ﾟ×ﾟ｡･.

That's all the channels I can think of thus far, I'm more than happy to add your suggestions aswell though! I would actually really appreciate some more recommendations on channels, especially if u have any SFW agere boy channels, aswell as channels that are highly focused on dinosaurs or space!

Thank you for reading!

I hope this helps some of y'all to find some more people to connect to in our amazing community!!

Love y'all 💞 ~ ฅ⁠|°▿▿▿▿°|ฅ

.ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ×ﾟ｡･».ﾟ°･⁠✧ ↓ DNI ↓ ✧･° ﾟ.«･｡ﾟ×ﾟ｡･*.ﾟ.

[noopienoopiernoopiest]

Leo Knut - #1 - A Terrible Idea

Day One: @noots-fic-fests - Fic-O-Ween. Thanks as always to @lumosinlove

Rated: G

CW: Food

Warning: Vaincre Spoilers

Leo liked to think that he was a good partner.

He was always there to lend a hand when Finn or Logan needed it. He was always available for kind word or a big hug. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his two.

And this was simple.

Should have been simple.

Their families had decided on various different plans for American Thanksgiving, and the three of them had decided that more than anything they wanted to spend it together. The ink was barely dry on Logan’s contract with the Rangers, and they knew now that for the next four years, this was going to be one of the few times during the season that none of them would have a game and get to see one another. As luck would have it, Logan had played an early home game Wednesday against the Penguins and had driven down to Gryffindor early. By the time Finn and Leo were done with their game against Montreal, he was there.

Leo wanted everything to be perfect. And perfect for Thanksgiving meant a dinner. A good one. The best one.

He’d done Thanksgiving dinner more times than he could count, but he’d always had his mama and her sisters as back up. Wyatt had surprised Eloise with a trip to Bali, so she was half a world away and without a phone. This was the first time he was attempting it all on his own.

Still, it shouldn’t be too complicated. It was just a lot of simple dishes all together at once. How difficult could it really be?

“Are you sure you want to do all this, Soleil?” Logan had asked, taking in all of the various groceries and prep that had taken over their kitchen by the time he got there.

“I already tried to talk him out of it,” Finn said, putting his chin on top of Logan’s head. “He said—”

“It’s a tradition. Besides, I want to do it for you,” Leo said, ignoring Finn.

“Exactly.”

“Is there anything we can—” Logan started again.

“Our instructions are to go to the living room and stay out of his hair,” Finn replied dutifully, nodding.

Logan’s eyebrows pulled together. “But I want to see you, Leo.”

Leo smiled. “You’ll see me plenty afterward. I promise.”

“But it’s, like, ten in the morning. Are you really going to start cooking now?”

Finn snorted. “Lo, he started like three days ago.”

Leo came up to both of them, kissing Finn’s cheek and then Logan’s forehead. “Trust me, it’ll all be worth it.”

That had been six hours ago.

Now, it looked as if a battle had been waged in the kitchen. Leo was usually pretty militant about organization while he was cooking, but that had been before his gravy had broken for the third time and he’d managed to scorch the rice and beans and had to start them over.

He was frantically trying to keep the cheese sauce from splitting and trying to figure out exactly how he was going to fit in three pans of various vegetables into the oven in the last thirty minutes of the turkey cooking.

“Baby, do you need—”

“I’m fine, Fish.”

“…You don’t seem—”

“Fine, Finn.”

“Are you s—”

“Finnegan.”

And then a few minutes later. Leo had his back to the doorway, but he could feel someone lingering there. It had to be Logan. Finn would have already started talking.

“Tremz, not now. I’ll be done soon.”

He couldn’t understand why they didn’t understand he was doing this for them. It had been effort. Lots and lots of effort over days of work. Baking pies and preparing bread, stewing turkey giblets and necks for stock that underpinned the gravy and the stuffing. Planning the menu, the grocery lists, the shopping. Weaving all of that in between practice and games and travel and everything else. It was almost done if they could give him an hour it’d be finished and he could relax.

He didn’t even turn around. He heard a sigh and the shuffling of feet and that was it.

Leo tried to distract himself from the lead weight in his stomach with mashing potatoes and pulling the stuffing from the oven, but it was there anyway.

And then, finally, it was done. The table was set.

Finn and Logan were both silent when they sat down.

“Looks great,” Finn said quietly.

“Ouais, Soleil.”

They made their plates, and Leo was finally ready to sit back and enjoy the fruits of all that labor.

And then tragedy struck.

Well, tragedy had started three days earlier when he’d decided to salt brine the turkey. Salt and baking powder. Salt and single action baking powder.

Finn reached for his napkin, discreetly trying to make a gagging noise without being rude.

It wasn’t the kind of mistake he made. But he did. The turkey looked perfect.

Logan winced, but kept chewing, swallowing determinedly.

As soon as he put it in his mouth, he could tell it wasn’t perfect. It couldn’t have been farther from perfect.  

Single action baking powder. Not double. Double would make it…

Taste like metal. Like baking soda.

Suddenly, Leo was aware of the wreck in the kitchen behind him, the sweat and stains on his T-shirt, the reserved, cowed expressions on their faces.

If it hadn’t already tasted vile, it would have tasted like ash anyway.

He wasn’t aware of the tears before they started to fall.

“Excuse me,” Leo said before leaving the table.

He just made it to the bathroom before the crying really started. What was he doing? He’d spent all day on this, and for what? He turned on the sink and wetted his hands, pressing cool water to his cheeks. He studied his red eyes in the mirror. His hair was frizzy, and he looked tired.

There was a gentle knock at the door before it was pushed open and Logan was there, pulling him into his arms, and the tears started again.

“Shhh, Soleil. It’s okay. It’s okay,” he soothed. It didn’t matter that Leo was six inches taller than him, in an instant, Leo folded himself into his chest and let himself cry.

“I’m sorry. God. I’ve been the worst,” Leo snotted.

“Non. No. Leo, no. It’s alright. You were stressed. We know that. We know you wanted it to be good for us.”

“This was a terrible idea,” Leo said.

“It wasn’t. Shh. It wasn’t. You always try to make everything so good for us. Finn and I know that.”

“And you’re not here that long!? You’re leaving tomorrow and I spent all day snapping and distracted,” Leo continued to rant.

“Peanut, look at me,” Logan pulled back, using the sleeve of his too long sweatshirt to wipe at Leo’s face. Leo was sure he looked a mess.

Logan didn’t seem to care. He offered Leo a small smile.

“You’re okay. It’s okay. We love you, Leo. It’s so good that you want to do things for us, Peanut, but it’s all okay. I promise.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Logan said, nodding his head like that was all there was to it.

Maybe it was.

“Okay, folks. Good news. There’s Thanksgiving pizza arriving in t-minus seven minutes,” Finn said coming in the doorway. “Everything else is delicious and who even likes turkey anyway? Worst poultry in my opinion,” Finn sniffed. 

Leo couldn’t do anything but pull him into their hug.

---

Afterward, after Finn and Logan tackled the kitchen and Leo was showered and snuggled into Finn’s oldest Harvard crewneck, Leo thought that it had been perfect anyway. Perfect as they’d laughed watching Finn try to combine cheese pizza and cranberry sauce, perfect as Logan balled up pieces of rolls and put them in the hood of Finn’s sweatshirt for him to find later.

Now they were all crammed on the couch. It was big enough for all of them, but each of them preferred to gather at one end and invade one another’s space. Leo’s head on Finn’s shoulder, breathing in Logan’s cologne as they watched A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.

And Leo was so grateful for them.

“Thank you,” he said quietly into Logan’s hair.

Logan didn’t say anything, just reached up to kiss temple.

Leo figured it maybe wasn’t what he’d expected, but maybe that was exactly what made it better.

[cinderella-ish]

Fic Recs: My Favorite Yukeru Fics

Short Stories

and sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live, by DoctorBlazeIt T | Short Story | pining & romance For Yuki, growing older meant collecting some bad habits, like smoking, or falling in love with your best friend.

At Least We're Being Honest, by blackiceboba T | Short Story | Fluff & Romance Yuki tries to tell Kakeru about the curse. Manabe thinks he's saying something else. Awkwardness ensues.

august, by reconquer M | Short Story | smut “I’m hungry,” Kakeru says. “What about you?” “I guess I could eat,” Yuki mutters. “Well, good,” Kakeru grins. “Because it’s your turn to cook.”

did you know that frogs don't have ribs or diaphragms, by yunsohno E | Short Story | smut Yuki and Kakeru have sex. And then they talk about frogs.

if i do anything i regret tonight, no i didn't, by sacrificialParsnip T | Short Story | romance In which Momiji orchestrates a situation that involves 2 beers, a shot, and 2 cocktails.

If I Ever Feel Better, by reconquer M | Short Story | slice of life & smut “You can crash here, it’s not a big deal.” “You seem too happy about this,” Yuki mutters. “Of course! I get to have a sleepover with my best buddy.” Kakeru winks at him and Yuki kicks the inside of his thigh again. Like he said. Hell

i wanna ruin our friendship (we should be lovers instead) by bloodyhalefire T | Short Story | romance Kakeru isn’t an idiot. Sure, he’s awful at some things and is occasionally a bit slow on the uptake, but he isn’t an idiot; he knows what touch starved looks like, and Yuki is the fucking blueprint. So he sets out to fix it.

Kisses Like Pink Cotton Candy (Talking To Everyone But Me) by yukiawison T | Short Story | romance “I’m sorry,” Kakeru mumbled. Yuki blinked. He’d expected him to laugh and tell him he was being stupid. “What for?” Yuki said, keeping his voice carefully even. “You know what for,” Kakeru said, which reduced the apology, perhaps, to half an apology.

laughing til our ribs get tough, by a-bigail T | Short Story | pining & romance Yuki and Kakeru have a long night. Yuki relearns what it means to want.

Mood Ring, by reconquer G | Short Story | romance Just like everything else, it starts in the student council room.

Open Season, by reconquer T | Short Story | fluff yuki gets trashed and spills the beans

say it again and again (tomorrow i'll hear it) by eurydicees T | Short Story | hurt/comfort & romance Kakeru confesses. Yuki misunderstands. Ayame's advice actually turns out to be… pretty useful.

student council naptime blues, by a-bigail T | Short Story | pining Kakeru, for once, isn't very tired. Yuki is strangely exhausted. Kakeru tries to help, and is faced with some wayward feelings.

tears falling like snow, by sunflowerstarfruit G | Short Story | hurt/comfort & pining Yuki has a panic attack at school. Kakeru finds him.

Tell Me Something, Tell Me What You Like, by yukiawison G | Short Story | romance He was always off balance. If someone ever wanted to kiss him, Yuki figured they’d sense this imbalance and give up before anything began.

We Go On Walks, by yukiawison G | Short Story | romance Kakeru thinks he’s cursed, sometimes. He’s cursed to keep wanting things he can’t have. He wants Machi to say more than four words to him at a time. He wants his mother to stop pestering him about college. And he wants Yuki.

Longer Fics

at least i got you in my head, by yunsohno E | Novelette | angst & smut Yuki and Kakeru go to a party. Yuki wants things to be a bit more.

desiderium, by tessohma M | WIP | hurt/comfort, romance, & smut desiderium - an ardent longing or desire. A Yukeru friends with benefits AU.

Does it Come as a Surprise? (Language of Averted Eyes) by yukiawison G | Novelette | romance Part of Yuki was convinced that Kakeru was making fun of him. He never knew when jokes went too far. He never knew when to stop pushing Yuki’s buttons. And he knew he was good at teasing him. Part of him hated Kakeru for that, for being so easy with his touches, for hitting him where it hurt.

fit back in, by luftballons99 T | Novelette | romance Crushes, curses, and contemporary literary theory: Halloween provides the opportunity to confront fear in all its shapes.

i wanna be dyed with your colours, by halfhope T | Novelette, background Tohru/Kyo | romance Sohma Yuki gay panics his way to self-actualization.

Like Fireworks in the Night Sky, by Princely_Hairdos T | WIP | pining & romance Yuki starts winter break in a relationship he feels unhappy in. He doesn’t know why, only knowing that he needs to get his act together and quick. Somewhere along the way, he falls madly in love with his best friend. Watch him throughout the year as he tries to reign in these feelings only to find out he might not actually need to.

On Different Pages, by TurnUps G | Novelette | romance Yuki thinks Manabe's teasing him about going on a 'date' with him, and calls his bluff. Manabe is not teasing.

The Other Side of Paradise, by reconquer T | Novelette | angst & romance Uotani points out that Kakeru and Yuki are always touching each other. Yuki panics and realizes some things about himself.

President Perfect, by draebelle T | Novelette | angst & romance Kakeru goes on a wild goose chase to find the forgotten love of his life.

Set it Free, by TurnUps T | Novelette | romance The fanclub girls are annoying Machi about being on the student council. Kakeru has a plan to divert their attention. It's a fake dating AU.

tongue tied, by b_o_i E | Novelette | dark & romance A brief history of boys that Sohma Yuki has kissed.

Here's a link to all my bookmarks tagged with Kakeru/Yuki! It'll include more than are listed here, since authors sometimes tag background/implied relationships.

Fic Recs Masterpost

[lunatic-pudge]

Sniper SWF Alphabet

My baby boy!!!!! I think I might do Pyro or Demo next

A: Affection (How do they show affection? And how affectionate are they?)

Sniper is one of the most touched-starved of all nine mercs. It comes from him being an introverted-esque person and also his job. But when it comes to having an s/o, he is a very affectionate person. He loves giving and receiving affection

B: Best Friend (What would they be like a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He'd be a good best friend to have if you can break through his barriers. He doesn't let people in easily, he's very defensive about letting people in. So you would have to start slow with breaking the barriers. Sitting together and making small talk. Once the barrier is broken, he's another loyal friend. He's also a gossiper, ready to talk about and hear the latest merc drama. He's also a little shit-head and occasionally will cause trouble by letting a bee or spider lose in the building. He thinks seeing Scout freak out over a little bee is top tier comedy

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Loves cuddles. You two will be constantly cuddling each other in private. He's the type of person to just lay on top of someone. He's like a coat or blanket and it's adorable. He doesn't discriminate on cuddles, if you want to be the big spoon, he'll gladly allow it. He'll cuddle you in front of people when he's drunk or completely exhausted. You're his comfort item

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking & cleaning?)

Would definitely want to settle down. He'd make a great house husband. Is very particular with cooking and cleaning, he has a very specific routine for it and doesn't like breaking said routine. He is also very into trying new foods so you'll be trying a lot of interesting stuff. Please picture this man in a frilly pink apron for me, thank you :)

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Very and horribly shy about it but will do it to get it done and over with so he doesn't have to dwell on it anymore. He's upfront with it and gives a reasonable explaination for it. Post breakup, he becomes very reclusive. It takes him a bit to get over the relationship but once he's over it, he'll start to revert back to his usual

F: Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Wants to get married but is scared of it. He wants to make sure the person he's with is the one. It would take a while for him to propose, I give it four years of dating at least, but after he pops that question and you say yes, he's excited. I feel like he'd let you do most of the wedding planning while aggressively supporting you, but there would be some things he'd like, such as a small wedding. But this man will make your dream wedding come true

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Is surprisingly a very gentle bean. Hims is such a sweetheart. Is very good at being a listening ear if you need to vent. He'll hold you and let ypu talk about everything and anything. He enjoys spending time with you

H: Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Another gangly man with gangly man hugs, but they do be warm and comforting. Hugs are affection and he's a very affectionate man so hugs are constant. He tends to do a lot of suprise hugs from behind. He'll lay his chin on top of your head as well. He's also they type to put his elbow on your shoulder and bully you for being short

I: I Love You (How fast do they say the L-Word?)

Takes a while for him to say it. He'd probably end up saying it on your one year anniversary which makes it such an emotional moment for the both of ya. He writes lots of little notes for you and puts them everywhere and all of them contain a little I love you in it, sometimes it's just an I love you note but it's still very adorable

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Is only jealous when drunk or high (you know damn well this man is the team's weed dealer). He's very confident of himself when sober, but when he's under the influence of something he's the possessive, worried you'll leave him for someone else type of person. He'll be all over you and accusing the person of trying to take you away from him, tears may or may not be included

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Little smooches with every hi and bye. Going to the bathroom? Here's a smooch before you go. Oh, you're back? Here's a smooch for returning. He usually just gives quick innocent kisses and saves the more saucy and romantic ones when alone and for those special moments. Will kiss you anywhere and everywhere but usually tends to stick with kisses on the lips since it's quick and easy

L: Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

Is unsure about kids. They're cute and he tries to be a good role model for them, but he also doesn't understand kids. He's on the fance about having kids in the future. It depends on you if you two are having them or not. He's also the type to get absolutley fucking murdered by a hoard of kids. They'd maul him alive (it's like a reverse FNAF where the kids kill the adults and stuffed them in a suit)

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Grumpy old man. He's up early making coffee and being grumpy. He's very much not a morning person and it shows. He's very snippy with the other mercs so you'll have to be there to be the neutral party and pull him away from fighting someone

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Is up late. He spends his nights cuddling you and watching a movie. With enough convincing, he'll turn his camper into a mini blanket fort. He struggles to sleep at night so it ends up contibuting to his morning grumpiness. He'll spend most of the night cuddling you until he falls asleep

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait awhile to reveal things slowly?)

Another thing that would take a long time for him to do. He doesn't want you trying to use this info against him. But if you're with him, then you obviously must have some patience, the long wait is worth it though

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Depends on his mood of the day. He's usually a very patient man but some days everything annoys him. He's very quick to apologize for his anger though. He doesn't like being mad at you, it's hurts his feelings

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

I'd say he's pretty good with memorizing info about you. He does tend to forget and mix up some small bits, but overall, he's good with memory

R: Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is when you two both took care of an injured owl. Owls are his favorite bird so when you came to him with a small box that had a baby owl in it, his heart melted. He's got quite the knowledge with taking care of animals so he knew what to do, asking you to retreive certain item so you both can help the owl. Taking care of the owl was like a test to see how well you both work together. He has pictures of the time hung up on his wall. You both ended up keeping the owl as a pet

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Very protective. He tends to stick close to you to make sure you're safe. He'd be someone who would hold you close to him with one arm, point his kukri at the person and growl at them. He gives you big scary dog privleges

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, and everyday tasks?)

He tries his best. He likes going all out for anniversaries, making sure you feel like royalty in that day. He also goes all out for your birthday, basically telling you that you're not lifting even a finger at all that day. He'll interrogate you for date ideas since he tends to not know what to do for date night. Plz help him

U: Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

The man pisses in jars. No sane person pisses in a jar and throws it at people. But aside from that, I'd say the only real bad habit/trait of his is his reclusiveness and his grumpiness. This man has an attitude on him and isn't scared to show it

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Doesn't care much about his looks. I feel like he does the bare minimum to exist. But does take better care of himself when he starts dating you. It's a very noticable difference too which ends up with the mercs questioning and attempting to bully him. He doesn't give a shit about them though. He only cares about you and his parents

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

It all depends on how long you two have been together. If it's been casual, then he's fine. But long term? Homie ends up developing separation anxiety. He doesn't like being away from you for too long. He'll usually take something of yours to kinda help him. It barely helps. He needs you.

X: Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

I feel like he'd be the type of person to be constantly high. He's obviously the weed dealer of the team, he knows what the good kush is. He's also a very feral man. Just look at him. He never got that rabies shot and it shows

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He's very picky about his partner. He doesn't like when his partner who's persistent and aggressive. He tends to let his partner take the lead but if they wanna do something he does't want to do, he will throw a fight about it if they persist

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Struggles to sleep at night. He tends to be on edge a lot so it messes with his sleep schedule. So he usually just spends the night cuddling and watching you sleep until he himself can pass the fuck out

[gtbutterfly]

What's your most controversial g/t opinion? Most would probably be about a certain trope or something regarding angst or ethics, but mines much more stupid.

I think borrowers calling humans "beans" is stupid. Like, why do they do it? I know they called humans that in the original book, but it just doesn't make sense to me, and sounds a bit too silly. Like, borrowers would know English from listening to humans talk, right? So why would they say bean? I gets it's like, a mispronounced version of "being" as in human being, but why mispronounce it? Is there something physically different about borrower anatomy preventing them from saying the g? Why don't they say other words differently then? Shouldn't they have like, a whole different accent all together?

And why shorten it to being? Why not say human? The word being is referring to humans in the term human being. Sure, borrowers probably wouldn't know that, but why say bean anyways?

What lilliputian with a speech impediment 100 years ago first ending up in human civilization heard a human say "human being" in some kind of context, and then went back to all their friends and told them that the big people call themselves "human beans" and how did that term spread across all of borrower culture across the world? It just never made any sense to me.

[grvntld]

21 june 2024—✨️🤍🎀👁💋👁🎀🤍✨️

i was out and about for half of this day bc—

🩺 obgyne visit ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ finally got my first dose of hpv vaccine. two more doses to go! also did my pcos routine checkup. results were as expected, and yet, i still cried bc of it. no surprises there, really. overall, im grateful bc duh, ive got no major thingy to worry about naman down there, ykwim.

🍵 chill tOime ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ went to one of my go-to cafe restaurants. im so happeh they opened this branch, and they finally hv meals on their menu! i stayed here for hoOOOOooOOOooours—for lunch i had their bacon slab something + sea salt latte, and then for dinner i had their buffalo chicken something salad + mango hibiscus. i also prepared an ig post which my brain turned into a full blown activity (((i had so much fun making the caption for this ♡))) all the while watching bones, and talking to my sibs + gOrL cousins. i miss them.

💆‍♀️ relaxation tOime ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ decided to get my monthly massage today. hihi. my body has been aching lately, especially my hips and lower back. got a deep tissue massage, and oh my gosh, i think ive found the masseuse for me. she was amazing! i really felt like all the tension has left my body, oh my gosh, i so love her!!! i took a mental note of her name so that i could request her for my next massage.

💞 home at last ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ surprised moosey with a custom vanilla bean latte ♡ i also surprised him by going straight home, instead of him picking me up. all my gala kasi, hatid sundo niya talaga me, and i was just feeling like ~actually~ coming home to him and to the furbebis this time, with a pasalubong in hand, so there i was booking a grab ride even though i was actually scared and anxious doing that (((bc my cousin had two unfortunate grab rides recently))). i also brought home my fave harry potter butterbeer. hihi.

🐶 furbebis missed me ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ and of course, as usual, it was also sooOOOOooo heartwarming to see the furbebis so excOited to welcome me back home. they were all given hugs and kissies na diyan sa gif kaya mejj calm na sila. hehe. also, 5/6 sila diyan since di pa pwede much makipag-interact youngest namin hihi she got lotsa kisses too, of course!

—grabe, this day was indeed packed! i enjoyed it so much ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ my heart, mind, body, and soul are all well-rested huhu thank you, big g!

[sunnylighter]

It’s thanksgiving!!! what are the GIAGAU families doing for it?

All the Garmadon family are squeezed in one table. Lord Garmadon got the biggest turkey he could get for dinner, and it was too big to fit in the oven so he roasted it over a lava pit. Sensei Garmadon laments they don't have nearly enough gravy to go with it, which Lord G only laughs at. Morro makes cannibalism jokes if the Lloyds eat the green bean casserole. The Wus argue over which tea would go best with the meal, and Koko and Misako are having the time of their lives.

Show Kai and Nya were invited over to their movie counterparts for the holiday. Spike Kai brought a pumpkin pie, that he made and ended up a little crispy. Buddy Kai is helping his father cook the rest of the meal, and everyone else has been kicked out of the kitchen. Maya and the Nyas are getting way too invested in beating each other at card games.

The Walkers and Gordons have all converged at Scrap N Junk and the whole place is decorated festively. The Jays are each chatting up a storm with each other's families getting them caught up on everything currently going on. The Eds and Ednas are being their wonderful doting selves. Flick Cliff Gordon is constantly shooting glances at Movie Libber, and Telly Cliff Gordon sees it and wonders where Show Libber is, but doesn't want to ruin the atmosphere by asking just yet.

The Coles' families have also converged, and, after a very emotional meeting with Show Lou meeting Gabby (my version of Lily, named before we knew her canon name), he and Movie Lou team up to serenade her, dragging Cliff Cole in to help them, and allowing DJ Cole to finish the cooking unimpeded.

The Julien family is also all together and invited the Borgs to come too. The Zanes and Rusty Echo worked together to make a mouth-watering feast. Skylor brings some food from her restaurant, which is a bit out of place but tastes too good to pass up. Both Pixals tried to make something to bring, but it came out inedible, so they just made sure to set the table and help carry the dishes where they needed to go, and keeping Tiny Echo from making a mess with his enthusiasm. The Cyruses and Prof. Julien started talking about robotics and can't stop. M.O.M. is recording everything for prosperity. They all have a moment of remembrance for Dr. Julien, before digging in to eat.

[lillian-gallows]

Kinktober Day 3: Hatefucking with Steve Harrington.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader. Word count: 1477 Warnings: Hatefucking (Or my shitty attempt at it), P in V, Lil bit of dirty talk, OOC!Steve Harrington (That bean would never act like this). Kinktober Master(sub)list.

Minors DNI

Normally when someone carries the titles of King and Queen in high school, it means they’re together. Or at least like each other. Friends at the bare minimum.

You and Steve Harrington are anything but.

Tommy and Carol like to joke about the “Kingdome being in strife because the King and Queen hate each other” which usually results in one of you telling the pair to shut up.

It really was hate at first sight for the pair of you. Starting at the beginning of middle school and following you into high school. Looking back, you don’t even remember what was done or said that put you two at odds to begin with, probably something stupid and juvenile, but it didn’t matter seeing as you both took turns doubling down on antagonizing each other ever since.

It was a rare day that you deigned to sit at the same table with Harrington, usually it was because he was dating, or fucking, one of the other cheerleaders and was sitting with her at the same table as you.

He’d tried to bury the hatchet once, in freshman year, asked you out on a date and talk everything out, at the time you’d thought he was being serious, genuine, his eyes had shone with what at the time looked like honesty, but then you saw Tommy and Carol giggling and whispering behind him and saw through the façade.

Your adamant no, sprinkled with a few choice words explaining why, and a couple more aimed at the giggling pair of assholes you associated with for no more reason than they usually supplied alcohol for your parties, was all it took for everything to pick up right where it left off.

You’d ranted and raved for hours to your friends about everything wrong with Steve Harrington, he was a womanizer, an bully at worst and complicit to bullying at worst, and that wasn’t to mention some of the things he’s said and done to you over the years, granted some of it was in retaliation to stuff you did, but he usually delt the first blows when you would square off.

Now, you would be lying if you said you didn’t find him attractive in the physical sense, anyone with eyes could see he was pretty, between his hair, eyes, and physique, it was an undeniable truth that any girl in the school would want to fuck him.

If he had any other personality, you’d be one of them, but you prided yourself on resisting his charms, it helped that they were never aimed solely at you, but that was beside the point!

So how, in the literal fuck, did you come to find yourself bent over a desk in the home office of one of the other cheerleaders houses during one of the first parties of the year, with the very same asshole railing you from behind better than any other guy you’ve ever fucked?

Might have something to do with the two drinks you’d had, liquid courage and all that. It didn’t matter now, not with his big hands gripping your hips to pull you back into his thrusts, driving his thick cock deeper and hitting your g-spot head on.

“Fuck…You like that? Like how that feels?” You’d never pictured Steve Harrington to be the talkative type, but he made it work, voice heavy with hot breaths, smirk almost audible when you let out a pleased sound at a particularly good thrust. “Yeah, you do…Best cock this slutty little hole’s ever had.” He practically growled with a thrust harder than the rest, so much it almost reached painful in the unpleasant way.

White hot anger met your lust halfway as you bucked your hips back against him just right to both knock him back a step, and dislodge him from inside you, giving you just enough space to turn in his hold and shove him back into the desk chair.

“If I wanted to hear you talk. I’ve gone on a date with you.” You said through your teeth as you straddled his lap, mentally hoping the chair could handle your combined weight, finger weaving into the hair on the back of his head and giving it a sharp pull to tilt his head back. “So, shut the fuck up, and fuck me.”

His grin was feral as he looked up at you through those damned dark lashes, chestnut eyes burning hot. “Yes, Ma’am.” He said so quietly it was almost a hiss.

He held his cock in place for you to settle on, but offered no assistance other that that, not that he comfortably could with the way you were still gripping his hair, though with the pretty flush that was spreading down his neck, he didn’t hate how it felt.

With him nestled snuggly back inside you, the new angle making him feel somehow bigger than he had before, you set a slow rhythm first to get your bearings, then sped up when you felt more confident in the motions.

The room was full of the lewd sounds of your wet pussy moving over him, of your heavy breaths and the slapping of skin, and the faint sound of music and conversation in the living room downstairs. Slow rolls of pleasure worked their way up and down your spine, making you clench down on him every so often, which you saw made his eyes flutter just a little every time.

As you moved you could feel Steve’s eyes trained on where your bodies met, his gaze all but burning your skin, but it seemed that letting you do all the work wasn’t on his agenda as one of his hands, which had been gripping your hips, moved up to knead your tit roughly, though not unpleasantly, feet planting so he could move his hips to meet your movements, making the sounds of skin on skin louder.

The slow rolls of pleasure turned into sharp zings that had your tightening with every thrust in, and you could see him fighting to keep his eyes from rolling back in pleasure. “What’s the matter, Pretty boy? Never had pussy this good?” You taunted on panting breaths.

His sharp eyes snapped back into focus, filled with the same anger meets lust look you’d had moments ago.

That was the only warning you got before he was standing with you in his arms, and all but slamming you on your back on the desk.

The jarring movement, and sheer unexpectedness of it, knocked you a little for a loop, which gave him the chance to pin your hands over your head, giving him full control over the situation once more.

Rather than make a smart quip he set another brutal rhythm, clearly chasing his pleasure more than yours, but the only indicator of that was that he wasn’t looking at you anymore, as you were still clenching around him, now feeling that sweet building of pressure low in your belly that told you would cum soon.

And he could tell too if the way he was making choked off little noises, like he was trying not to moan, was anything to go by.

You came first, that much was certain.

You hadn’t been fighting it, trying not to cum, but even if you had it would have been a futile effort, between him still rubbing hard against your g-spot with every thrust, and his pelvis grinding against your clit in the same movement, it would have taken some pretty gnarly thoughts to keep your orgasm away.

And when it hit, it hit hard. A knot tight in your belly snapping, sending you arching up into him with a breathless gasp, and clenching around him tighter than you had the whole night as wave after wave of pleasure rolled through you.

He followed shortly after you, a low sound that you could tell he tried to swallow and failed, his hot shuddery breaths fanning over your neck where his face was buried.

You both stayed there, panting, basking in the last dregs of your pleasure, for a couple of moments, before he sat up and pulled out with a word or glance at you, yanking his jeans back up and buttoning them as he walked away like he hadn’t just had a clearly mind blowing orgasm.

Cocky bastard.

You gave him the same level of attention as you scooted to the edge of the desk, righting your skirt and pulling your panties back into place from where they were hanging around one of your ankles.

He left before you did and was in the backyard watching Tommy do a keg stand when you emerged, you glared at each other as you stood by the punch bowl, silent mutual hatred, but it felt different now.

Shit.

[rockybloo]

(I think you said something about the boys' pecs recently, which made me think of this)

Some Dickhead: Nice tits!

Nana & Sweetheart: *ready to murder*

Jack & Bitterbat, genuinely: Thanks!

Jack & Bitterbat to their ladies: Don't worry [pet name,] yours are my favorite. <3

I got two very different derivative scenarios in my head of how I see something like this playing out for Jack and Bitterbat because they are complete opposites in their personality.

For Licorice, I can see a situation where some dude tries to catcall Amara and Bitterbat (in his Ace disguise) gets between her and said person and goes "Aw thank you!" To redirect the harassment towards him because he knows his bust is big.

And said dude would get uncomfortable bc because Ace is a TALL ass guy...but also a guy.

But if he tries to defend or say he was talking about Amara, Ace will get that deadly golden glow in his eye and his voice would lower as he warns "No. You were talking about me."

The cat caller would def feel the vibes his life is in the line and go "Y-yes sir! You have g-great tits" before scurrying away with their tail between their legs.

Amara would say thanks since she appreciates Bitterbat standing up for her as well as him restraining himself from murder or maiming.

And Bitterbat would just purr and kiss her on the cheek with a "No problem Sweetie Pie."

In a Red Beans situation, I see it playing out as someone trying to be a dick to Jack and him being oblivious at first because "Do I look like I have boobs???" So he lets out a confused thanks and later on, he brings up the situation to Nana.

Then he asks her if she thinks he has boobs. He wouldn't ask in a self conscious way but rather a curious tone and she'd say she likes his chest and its squish and he'd blush and begin feeling so happy that he forgets the dickhead from before.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

2. "C'mon, guys. She hangs out with you meatheads. This cannot come as a surprise."

EUGENE - "Yeah -- no. Ruby's got more balls than a ball pit. You'd have to be an idiot not to..." He looks around. "Guys, I'm not the only one who knew, right?"

GLEN - "Knew what?" The man can't believe what he's hearing. "First he says she murdered him -- now she's a *f*g* too? It's a lie!"

ALAIN - "C'mon Glen, she likes Monica's titties more than *you* do." The Mesque smiles. "Everyone knows which way the wind blows there."

SHANKY - "I did! I knew it! That's why she didn't fuck me at Fatty's birthday party."

EUGENE - "She didn't fuck you 'cause you're *forty* and you still live with your mom, Dennis." Light laughter sounds off in the room. It feels nervous.

"Klaasje said she made advances on her -- and she thwarted them."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Ruby then threatened her -- and told her to end her relationship with the deceased."

TITUS HARDIE - "This is *some* sordid shit." The big man rubs his chin. "It's also the kind of garbage our Miss Oranje puts out to cover her own ass."

DRAMA [Challenging: Success] - Sort of -- but *he* doesn't have to know that!

"She did tell us when we were close to arresting her."

"She just told us -- Ruby made her scared and she spilled the beans."

TITUS HARDIE - "Figures." He looks out the window. "But that Ruby *is* queer as cabaret, now that I start thinking about it. So there is some truth to it..."

"And that's okay. Some are queerer than others, you can still be a Hardie." He glances at Glen. "But if you bring your own personal shit into our outfit..."

SHANKY - "And then, boss..." he shakes his head "...use us to cover it up? I mean, that's just fucked up."

EUGENE - "*If* it's true." He looks at Shanky, then Titus. "But it's not -- right?"

3. "Maybe it's all part of a leadership challenge? Against you, Titus."

TITUS HARDIE - "There's no fucking leadership challenge." A flash of rage; he calms himself. "Just when I thought you were taking this seriously, cop, you put your head in your ass."

EUGENE - "Man, now he's just throwing shit against the wall to see what sticks."

Oop, bad move.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Okay..." The lieutenant steps in. "We've ruled out infighting. That's how this works: by exclusion. Remember, all we need to do is rule Ruby out too. That's all this is."

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - There's a bit of truth in there for Titus to react so brashly. He does not like his authority questioned.

Thankfully Kim is here to bail us out.

4. "When Klaasje came downstairs -- Ruby appeared to *know* that something was wrong."

ALAIN - "Nah, man. That's just Ruby. She's got shit under control," the man explains. "That's her whole thing. That's why she's so good."

EUGENE - "Plus, man, it's like *female intuition* you know. Women talk to women." He peeks at Titus. "Which is sorta why we need someone on the team who they talk to."

"Yes." (Roll your eyes.) "Female intuition. That's what it was. You're right Eugene."

"Yes, she's just got her *shit together*. That's how she knew."

"*Or* she knew what happened, because she killed him."

EUGENE - "Yeah..." The man seems unsure of himself.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Wishful thinking has no place in a police investigation," the lieutenant tells Eugene, his voice mild but firm.

"A more serious consideration -- that you wish to avoid -- is that she knew what happened, because she did it."

5. "Maybe she killed him because she thought it would curry favour with you?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "You had expressed -- on occasion -- your dislike of the mercenaries' presence in Martinaise, right?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Whack someone in my district? That doesn't curry much *favour* with Titus Hardie. She *has* to know that..." He rubs his chin and looks out the window.

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - It's the kind of chin-rubbing men -- often leaders -- do when they think of *punishment*.

6. "Titus, you have to see it. Things don't add up -- we need to talk to her." (Move on.)

TITUS HARDIE - Silence. He looks around the room.

THEO - The old man in the corner nods.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] - A very small nod -- and a trickle of tobacco spit on his lip.

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - This is the only opinion he cares for.

TITUS HARDIE - "Yeah -- I see it." He puts his beer down. "There's one more thing I've been *wondering* about. Ever since you asked me where she is. Add it to your list of suspicions, if you want."

"I don't *know*." He smiles a peculiar smile. "I don't know where she went. She just up and left. Got real scared too. Wouldn't tell me where -- however *hard* I asked. Wanna know why?"

"Why?"

TITUS HARDIE - "She was afraid I would tell you." He looks you straight in the eye. "Maybe she was right. By now I probably would."

KIM KITSURAGI - "She knew there's evidence on her -- and she knew we'd find it. This is typical suspect behaviour. Why fleeing is always incriminatory."

TITUS HARDIE - "Perhaps." He looks out of the window again. "Ask her if you find her. It won't be easy though. She made sure of that."

Task complete: Make Titus give up Ruby's location

+70 XP

Level up!

"When did she leave?"

"What was she scared of?"

"Do you have any clues on where Ruby went?"

"Have you looked for her?"

"Do you know what she's doing with Ulan frequencies?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Friday afternoon. When you first arrived. I got word the RCM was in town, then she came in to see me. Told me she was leaving. That's when we had our little... conversation."

2. "What was she scared of?"

TITUS HARDIE - "I told you -- you."

"Me? As in the RCM?"

"Me, personally?"

TITUS HARDIE - "No -- you. As in the cop with the sideburns and the disco clothes."

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - And a hole in his heart. That first.

"And the hole in his heart."

"Don't forget the *funny* tie too."

"No wonder she's afraid. I have come to declare the ending of the Human Experiment."

"She probably knew me from my singing days."

"I'm sorry. God, why does everything flee at the sight of my shadow?!"

"I have no idea why she'd be scared. I'm just a normal cop with regular thoughts in his head."

TITUS HARDIE - "Why not?" He looks at your chest. "You look about ready to do something pretty crazy because some bird fucked you over."

"Don't forget the *funny* tie too."

TITUS HARDIE - "How can I forget." He nods at your tie.

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - You and I are going to dance in the moonlight under a billion stars.

TITUS HARDIE - "You know, when I first saw you limp in here I thought she was paranoid, or sniffing her own supply, but..." He measures you up. "Now I'm not so sure."

3. "What else did Ruby tell you -- about me?"

TITUS HARDIE - "She said you have a funny taste in clothes." He scoffs. "And that you won't *stop*."

"Won't stop?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Until you *have* something on her. She said she's heard of you from Jamrock. That you're a human can-opener. That you play suspects against each other. Open them up, like cans."

ALAIN - "Fucking hell..." The tattooed man shakes his head. "Titus, did he just..."

TITUS HARDIE - "...open Angus up like a can? Yes, he did." He nods. "Now, we can whine about it, whack him, or we can go on with our lives. I'm having a 'go on with our lives' kind of day, Al. How about you?"

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - It's not an actual question.

ALAIN - Silence. He nods.

"Is that true Kim? Am I a can-opener?"

"Anything else? *Anything*?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "You are... insistent." He nods.

+1 Reputation

"Anything else? *Anything*?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Yeah, there was something else. She wouldn't tell me though. I could see she wanted to. It was *burning* on her lips: 'This cop, Titus, this cop, he...' But she was too scared."

HALF LIGHT [Medium: Success] - Scared? You should be too. A strange fear creeps over you, a metallic taste in your mouth. Change the subject.

4. "Do you have any clues on where Ruby went?"

TITUS HARDIE - "She's not far. We know that much -- she didn't take her lorry. So she's on foot."

ALAIN - "Good fucking luck, man... She knows this place like the back of her hand. You'll never find her."

TITUS HARDIE - "Yeah, Al." He gives a sharp look. "And we won't either."

GLEN - "She's not really a..." The man stares into his beer. "Hardie candidate anymore, is she?"

TITUS HARDIE - "She's not, Glen."

5. "Have you looked for her?"

TITUS HARDIE - "A little -- on the coast."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Where have you looked for her, more precisely?"

TITUS HARDIE - "More precisely? On the *coast*. Past the water lock." He nods southwest. "She's not here, so I'm thinking she's there."

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - *Who's* doing this looking? They're all here.

"You're all here. Who's out looking?"

No.

TITUS HARDIE - He shrugs. "Lizzie needed some air."

"The gardener? But she went to tell Evrart."

"So she didn't go to tell Evrart."

TITUS HARDIE - "You're a smart cop, but you're a stupid person -- no one goes to tell Evrart anything. If he has to know, he has to know *fast*."

+5 XP

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - It's called a... radio, you believe. The gardener may have played you again when she stormed out. She has her own plan.

6. "Can you tell me where on the coast I should start looking?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Sure -- there are some shithouses there. A cinderblock town. The fisher-folk there refuse to unionise, so that's one place we haven't looked."

"I hear they have a shack where junkies sometimes crash. Time for you to step up."

New task: Ask about Ruby in the village

KIM KITSURAGI - "We will start there." The lieutenant takes a quick note. "One more question: what does Ruby look like?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Boyish. Hair's red, dyed. She looks like a lorryman."

7. "Do you know what she's doing with Ulan frequencies?"

Boy, it's been a long time since we found out about this, when we first looked in her truck.

TITUS HARDIE - "The what now? I've no idea." He looks around. "Boys?"

FAT ANGUS - "She said she's... building a..." His voice is very quiet. "A pale emitter."

TITUS HARDIE - "What?"

FAT ANGUS - "We were talkin' about radio equipment. She said she's doing Ulan frequencies and a pale-something. I don't know more."

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - This guy barely understands what he's talking about.

TITUS HARDIE - "There you have it. Pale-something." Titus puts an end to it.

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Success] - It feels like you'll get to know -- soon enough.

8. "It's not much, but it'll do." (Go!)

TITUS HARDIE - "It'll *have* to." He puts his hand out.

Shake it.

Walk away.

TITUS HARDIE - His grip is firm and reassuring. Like holding a piece of unpolished granite.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - Not just granite -- tightly packed RCM sergeant material.

"You should be a cop, Titus."

Just think it.

TITUS HARDIE - "When are you gonna get it through your dumb head?" He scoffs. "I already *am*, I just wasn't sure you were."

ESPRIT DE CORPS - And he still isn't. People aren't afraid of good cops in the way Ruby was afraid of you, he thinks, then turns back to his men.

[pianostarinwonderland]

Current Tsum Event Thoughts

It's been a while since I did a thoughts about an event kind of post. 🫣

No thoughts, only phat smol bean borgar tsum

seriously they look so squishy and so cute and soo soooooo HRGJGJHRGJGDJ

THE WAY I FUCKING CACKLED JUST SEEING THE TSUMS FALL FROM THE SKY LIKE THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS PLSSSS it will never not be funny

Kalim tsum tackling Kalim made my day fr

AND TSUMKALIM DANCING TO KALIM'S RINGTONE that is so cute

LILIA TSUM SMACKING AZUL ON THE HEAD that tsum knows what is the right thing to do 😌

oh and yes this event is a sequel to the previous tsum event because Lilia narrates about Sebek's tsum and how Sebek took great care of him

anyway Azul being like "owemji we should take care of the tsums 🥰🥰🥰 they need compassion 🥰🥰🥰 hey Lilia and Kalim if you need help in taking care of your tsums, I can take care of them for free !!!" time to wait for the mostsum lounge announcement ig

Crowley voice) these tsums a g a i n but i am b u s y

TSUM DEUCE IS SO CUTE ALFSKFLAFMAKLSFLA some Savanaclaw mob students were bullying Deuce. Deuce restrains but the tsum .. . .. .

became a big boi 😭 and then went to bulli the mob students. And then Deuce tries to stop his tsum by threatening to drop a cauldron on him if he doesn't let go of the mob students

AND THEN WHEN HE DOES SUMMON THE CAULDRON THE TSUM EVADES SO IT HITS THE MOB STUDENTS

istg tsum Deuce singlehandedly has the funniest story now

Ortho tsum is so cute, Idia now has two caretakers

OF COURSE LILIA AND TSUM LILIA WOULD GO AROUND SCARING PEOPLE

tsum Lilia jumpscared Sebek and ngl that was so cute

Sebek not knowing how to address tsum Lilia JLSJDKFS you can see him going "tsum Lilia... sama??" AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

now tsum Lilia and Lilia are gonna cause further chaos

ok consider though that we are getting this event in the middle of the chapter 7 run. now reread Lilia's story with that in mind. B)

of all the plots they chose to take for Jade and tsum Jade, it had to be tsum Jade massaging Leona in the garden

IT WAS FUNNY THOUGH they're just talking and then they woke up Leona and then they encounter him and then tsum Jade just ?? massages Leona ??? and manages to put him back to sleep????

can I just say though Leona still calls Jade as "Azul's henchman #1" that is actually pretty funny

it's also something really interesting because Leona obviously knows Jade's name but chooses to refer to him not by name but by something like Azul's henchman. Like, I always wondered why he calls him that ever since Halloween 2 when we see him calling Jade that for the first time, and knowing that he is a pretty smart guy, is it because he can tell a nickname like that can annoy Jade? it's food for thought yknow

Rook naming his tsum: u are now monsieur tsum

yes what a wonderful name

Rook story is just your national geographic documentary and the creature being examined is a fat smol bb tsum

ANYWAY OK AZUL'S STORY AKA THE REASON WHY I EVEN MADE THIS POST IN THE FIRST PLACE

no because

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF THEY OUT HERE JUST ???

OF ALL THE EVENTS TO DRIVE ME CRAZY, IT'S A TSUM EVENT

so Floyd goes "hey Azul, how can you differentiate Jade's tsum from my tsum, you know, our tsums are so identical if you glance at them"

then Azul goes "well as a businessman, I have to get a grasp of people's characteristics, so it's not really a big deal for him"

then Floyd's like sureeeee let's go with that

LIKE. THEY JUST SAID OCTA FAM IN A TSUM EVENT???? HELLO?????????

LIKE FIRST OF ALL STFU AZUL YOU LIAR FFS WE CAN SEE YOU CARE ABOUT THE TWEELS SOOOO BAD >:))))

SECONDLY, THE FACT THAT FLOYD WAS ASKING HOW AZUL CAN IDENTIFY THE TWEEL TSUMS AND THEN HE DOUBTS AZUL'S ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION WAS THE REAL ONE ???? LIKE, THINK ABOUT IT. THE WAY THAT AZUL BEING ABLE TO TELL THE TWEELS APART MATTERED ENOUGH FOR FLOYD TO ASK THAT

Floyd does care a lot about his individuality, you will see this in his R school uniform where Riddle compares him to Jade and he gets pretty pissy about that. so think about that. (anyway, new post idea//???? if I don't get busy??????)

anyway Azul's gonna profit off of his tsum and he even made his tsum sign a contract to work in Mostro Lounge and that has to be the most ridiculous but most Azul core thing ever

anyway honestly overall this tsum event has been tiring because I had been trying to complete all the missions because yes we are gonna speed B) but also it has been good to me, we have been getting proper FOOD

[abfabsweetiedarlings]

Ab Fab ended after five series in 2003 and while fans are still praying for a reboot, they’ll soon be able to enjoy the next best thing: Absolutely Fabulous: Inside Out, a documentary spilling the beans about how the show was made. Featuring Saunders, Lumley, Julia Sawalha (Saffy) and a slew of clips, it’s a glorious reminder of how groundbreaking the show really was.

Eddie, Patsy and Saffy were its stars, but so too were the clothes. Six years before Sex and the City catapulted Fendi Baguette bags and Manolos into the mainstream, Ab Fab made designer labels a talking point in a more irreverent way. Rather than existing to gild their wearers, clothes were often the butt of the joke, with Edina’s “It’s Lacroix, sweetie” sending up her obsession with labels in a way that viewers found relatable.

For the costume designer Rebecca Hale it was a dream job. “Jennifer [as the show’s creator] gave you freedom and creative licence. Nowadays you’re more constrained — there are so many points of view.” Although the job wasn’t without its stressesos famously worked close to the wire, frequently editing lines at the 11th hour. “I would often be on a motorcycle coming back from Selfridges when they changed the script, and I’d be running around Selfridges trying to find more shoes. You’d sometimes get the script on Thursday and be shooting Friday. I’d be sitting outside Harvey Nichols waiting for it to open, laughing and thinking, ‘Wow, I can’t believe she’s written that.’ ”

Not only did the script go close to the wire but also sometimes close to the bone. “But satire is what makes comedy so fantastic,” Hale says. “If you compare Ab Fab to something like Emily in Paris, [Emily] is more like a runway show than an observation on society. It’s very two-dimensional. It doesn’t take the piss out of itself.”

At the time gossip mags were the equivalent of Instagram, and Hale remembers looking through Hello! with Saunders for inspiration. “We’d see Katie Price getting out of a car in a Juicy Couture tracksuit and a G-string. What I loved about Jennifer is that we’d be telling stories and [showing] the complexities and insecurities of being a woman. We’d always make everything tight. Trousers would be extra small so there’d be a camel toe. You’d relate to the vulnerability, and show [the audience] that vulnerability is OK. Everything now is so pure and clean. Nobody wants to offend, but there’s got to be a bit of offence in order to observe.”

By the time Hale joined the show in the early Noughties (the earliest series were wardrobed by Sarah Burns), it was firmly established and most designers were keen to lend. “Gaultier and Dolce & Gabbana were always generous. The rest we’d buy at Harvey Nichols and Alexander McQueen. Betty Jackson made all of Patsy’s things, so we paid for it at cost. She was also generous and had a very big say in the way that Patsy looked. It was such a great contradiction to Eddie — very pure in its line and not so messy visually. Patsy was much more messy physically because Joanna’s such a great comedic actress.”

Decades after the final series of Ab Fab aired, Patsy is still a popular fancy-dress costume. What, for Hale, is her most iconic look? “There’s a white Betty Jackson coat that she wears with a black tight-fitting dress underneath — I think it was vintage Yves Saint Laurent. The tones were important — she’d wear cream, white or black, and occasionally red, whereas Edina would wear anything.” Indeed, the latter would be slavishly latching on to the hottest names and trends of the day. “One of my favourite Edina outfits is the Burberry look she wore in the early 2000s. She’s got the check bucket hat, jacket and three-quarter-length trousers.”

If Edina’s looks were outrageous, so too were those of her secretary, Bubble (Jane Horrocks). One of her more memorable outfits is a padded dress printed with Teletubbies, inspired by the popular children’s TV show of the time. “I was a single parent and had just come out of that period when you’re watching Pingu and Teletubbies. My brain was frazzled but I loved the imagery of it.”

By contrast, Saffy’s wardrobe was deliberately wholesome and drab, as befitted a girl who was chastised by Patsy for “dressing like a Christian”. Hale says: “We’d go to a shop and pick the cosiest jumper or the ugliest item of clothing. Anything that looked like it was a walking contraceptive pill, I’d put on her.”

Such was the show’s popularity that famous faces lined up to have cameos, meaning that Hale also had the fun of dressing its numerous celebrity guest stars. “We had a whole room of supermodels once. Elton John turned up in his own fabulous outfit. I remember dressing Anita Pallenberg and Marianne Faithfull. Anita turned up with these amazing lilac silk flowers, one for her and one for Jennifer. I put Marianne in a tailored white trouser suit by Bella Freud.” Hale also worked on Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie (2016), which featured a cameo by Kate Moss. “Kate was delightful. We were going through some ideas and she pulled out this dress that Johnny Depp had given her — black sequins, made by a very famous costume maker in Hollywood. Because the scene required her to come out of the River Thames, I copied that dress, remaking it in green sequins so that she emerged looking like a mermaid.”

Hale says that if Saunders ever did decide to do a reboot, she would look at influencers for inspiration, and dress them in labels such as SS Daley, Balenciaga and JW Anderson, adding in vintage pieces by Vivienne Westwood and Stella McCartney. “Fashion is so eclectic now. I’d have to find something that was extreme. Edina would have to wear a Kim Kardashian bodysuit like she did on Saturday Night Live.”

Hale is interested in the power Kardashian wields. “She’s a fashion icon. Although you haven’t got those fantastic people who really used to cultivate their own looks. Nobody takes risks any more. They’re all too concerned about how they’re perceived. In the Nineties you’d have these very famous fashion people — Anna Wintour, André Leon Talley, Suzy Menkes — each with their own image, and they’d stick to it. Now people just go to a designer and get plonked in it rather than curating their own style. Money kills creativity. You get paid to wear a brand and it takes away your identity. I think that’s sad.”

It’s the antithesis of Hale’s approach to fashion. She got involved with Ab Fab after initially working with Saunders on the comedy series The Comic Strip Presents … in the late 1980s and early 1990s, followed by the sketch show French and Saunders in the early 2000s. “We’d banter with each other about what was going on in our personal lives, and I’d often regale them with stories about my mother,” she says. “She was exuberant, to say the least — a great beauty, a great intellect and something of a fashion icon. On holiday in Greece she’d rise in the morning wearing some kaftan and a turban and ceremoniously walk on to the beach, waving at the Greek fishermen before swimming off in the nude.”

If she sounds uncannily like Edina Monsoon, that’s because she is. “Part of Edina is based on my mother. Her name was Crystal Hale and she was an inspiration to many. She’d take me to school dressed in a cape decorated with great big lions’ heads and a huge fur hat. She was extremely loving but very alternative. Her various stories and antics would be relayed back to Jennifer and Dawn, and they would give each other a sideways glance. So, yes, she was part of the inspiration for Edina.”

Ever since Ab Fab aired, fans have been guessing who Edina was based on, with the most popular theory being Lynne Franks, a well-known fashion PR who shared some of her traits. The name Crystal Hale has never been mentioned. She was the daughter of the novelist and MP AP Herbert, and indeed, some of her parenting sounds like it would put Edina’s to shame. “On one particular day, when I was terrified of [doing] my GCSE, she gave me a type of amphetamine called a purple heart to calm me down. It did the opposite.”

Never mind Edina being based on her mother: was Saffy based on Hale? “She might have been in the way I relayed my stories, but I was equally outrageous in my twenties,” she says, laughing. “My mother encouraged me to be expressive. At school I was into punk fashion and she’d allow me to wear a Vivienne Westwood cobweb-knit angora mohair sweater with no bra underneath, a miniskirt and rubber stockings.”

Hale has just finished working on Kaos, the Netflix black comedy starring Jeff Goldblum and Billie Piper. “I’ve rarely felt as happy reading a script as I did reading [the writer] Charlie Covell’s — it’s the closest to Absolutely Fabulous in terms of being laugh out loud.”

And she’s not surprised by the lasting impact Ab Fab has had. “The relationship between a mother and daughter is a theme that’s never going to die. It’s light-hearted, hilarious and there’s nothing else like it. I think it needs to be reintroduced.” We’d drink (the Bolly) to that.

[themculibrary]

Coffee Masterlist

A Good Feeling (ao3) - dentalfloss T, 81k

Summary: “You work for SHIELD” Barton spat the agencies title at Coulson as though it were the nastiest cuss he knew. “We have nothing more to talk about.” Which was all good and fine, except-

“I have some things to discuss with you, actually,” Tony said and Clint’s bruised and swollen gaze turned towards him. “Many things. Nice things,” he tagged on when Clint’s gaze narrowed darkly. The kid might be passing out in slow motion before them but Tony was well aware he was still a threat and he made no move to approach. “Let me help,” he insisted anyway.

Or: the one where Clint may be a pretty formidable assassin for hire, but he was broke and his brother needed help he couldn’t afford so he needed a legitimate job for a little while. How fortunate Stark Tower was hiring.

burnt toast sunday (ao3) - ashlearose13 clint/natasha, steve/bucky, pepper/tony M, 16k

Summary: Clint tattoos people for a living, but he wouldn’t be able to put up with all of the infinity symbols if it weren’t for coffee. Specifically, coffee made by Natasha Romanov. The girl he has a real life, big-boy crush on.

or, the tattoo shop/coffee shop/plant??/ballet mega-au that no one asked for.

Coffee (ao3) - romanoff steve/tony N/R, 10k

Summary: Coffee shop AU that’s not an AU.

In which Clint works behind the counter, Tony is a regular and Steve is the new guy who only goes in for one cup but can’t stop coming back for the coffee. He says it’s the coffee. Spoiler alert: It’s not. It’s Tony.

“Why do you come here?”

Tony thinks.

“It’s small. Tucked away. No one notices it. I like that,” he smiles, laughs a little “I like that it’s kinda just… ignored. You only notice it when you really need it.”

“Like when you need shelter from the rain,” Steve says

“Or coffee.” Tony finishes with a smile.

“Or coffee.” Steve finishes with a sigh.

Coffee and Chocolate (ao3) - SherlocksHound loki/tony, jane/thor T, 8k

Summary: Coffee shop AU, kinda. In which Loki lives as a famous chef and has a re-encounter with someone he thought he would never see again: Dr. Tony Stark. Add a nice little Family meeting with drama and get a FrostIron special.

Conditional Value At Risk (ao3) - sirona clint/phil T, 13k

Summary: Phil is a financial genius insomniac who runs an all-night coffee shop/bakery. He spends his time not sleeping, arguing with his semi-sentient (he swears) coffee machine, and managing the legendary Coulson stock portfolio. He thinks that’s enough - until a gorgeous blue-eyed stranger stumbles into his shop one early Wednesday morning and shakes things up without even trying.

Covert Coffee & Flirtation Special (ao3) - glittercake sam/bucky G, 5k

Summary: The reporter says “—for Captain America to—”

And Bucky rolls his eyes. “Oh, here we go.”

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. “Not a fan?”

“Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield? Come on.”

“Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he’s on?” Kate says. “Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?”

“He’s a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not.”

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Don't Drink the Coffee (ao3) - Stella_Malodi darcy/steve G, 1k

Summary: But do pet the kitten.

Laxatives: juvenile? Probably.

Effective? Not immediately, but then, Dr. Jerkface was pretty slow, for a genius.

Satisfying? Absolutely.

During Business Hours: A Filthy Coffee Shop AU (ao3) - samanthahirr steve/bucky E, 25k

Summary: Unemployed artist Steve takes a job managing the worst coffee shop in Brooklyn, where the floors are greasy, the coffee beans have expired, the espresso machine’s been sabotaged, and the owners might be Russian Mafia. But the job comes with a few perks, like a generous paycheck, reasonable hours, and one super-hot customer whom Steve can’t resist having dirty, filthy, bad-idea sex with in the bathroom.

Steve is pretty sure this job is going to kill him. But what a way to go….

Five times Tony denied playing favourites and the one time he admitted (ao3) - xsteriism G, 4k

Summary: Tony denies favouring Peter to the rest of the Avengers, until he admits it.

Grounds for Improvement (ao3) - AnonEhouse G, 1k

Summary: Tony gets another package at the compound. Rogers isn't the only person in Wakanda who knows his address.

Honey Iced Coffee (ao3) - bellabeatrice harley/peter T, 12k

Summary: Peter Parker spends a summer in Rose Hill, Tennessee. He falls in love with a person and a place, and he heals with the help of a little honey, coffee, and a honey-loving barista.

i drink too much coffee and i think of you often (ao3) - LilacsAndLilies harley/peter G, 5k

Summary: Peter has a penchant for using fictional character names when ordering his coffee. This is successful in getting him three things: a new friend, some anonymity, and a potential boyfriend.

(Meet Me In) The Afterglow (ao3) - pro_fangirl mentioned mj/peter, pepper/tony M, 28k

Summary: Peter has been struggling since the end of No Way Home. The unexpected arrival of a familiar face brings hope.

Pumpkin Spice Date (ao3) - frobster bucky/peter G, 1k

Summary: Peter wants coffee and drags Bucky along.

Secret Sugarplum Spiderling (ao3) - happyaspie G, 27k

Summary: Peter has been taking ballet for nearly as long as he can remember and all of his hard work has finally paid off. He's been cast as the Cavelier to the Sugarplum Fairy in his Performing Arts School's production of The Nutcracker. It's a big deal and it's going to take up a good bit of time but... he's just not sure he's ready for his mentor to know about that particular hobby just yet.

All he has to do is show up at the studio on time, keep his grades up, make sure to see Tony on a regular enough basis that he doesn't worry and try to squeeze in some patrolling in between. It's that simple. Right?

Stem (ao3) - IamShadow21 steve/bucky T, 7k

Summary: Bucky Barnes discovers sugar, demands coffee, makes a variety of involuntary noises, cuddles up to Steve Rogers, regrows a limb, and fakes it 'til he makes it at being a person.

The Coffee Date (ao3) - eternity_in_my_pocket steve/bucky G, 735

Summary: Steve and Bucky have a coffee date after their disastrous meet-cute. Will there be another?

the pumpkin spice must flow (ao3) - lazulisong steve/bucky G, 2k

Summary: Bucky takes baby steps out into the world. Sam's pretty proud of him.

The Tragic Ballad of an Under-Caffeinated Hawkeye (ao3) - sara_holmes bucky/clint T, 9k

Summary: Steve and Tony are idiots, Pepper and Phil are 110% done with everyone and Clint just wants a cup of damn coffee. And maybe someone to appreciate how awesome he clearly is.

Also known as: you know you’re in trouble when Clint Barton is the one sane person left in the tower and Bucky Barnes is the only one who realizes this.

why can’t we be alone and watch? (ao3) - awwcoffeenooooo frank/karen N/R, 768

Summary: So when her phone starts suddenly blasting Guns of Brixton (an ode to a less-than-amused Frank a few months back), she’s not at all struck by Frank’s god awful hours. Just the fact that he has to intrude on hers.

Not Matt, 5.23am

do you want to get coffee with me? 8?

[cinderella-ish]

Fic Recs: Fluff & Slice of Life

A Fabulous Style, by Modzy78 G | Gen - Ayame & Ritsu, Mitsuru/Ritsu | Short Story Ritsu thinks he has his post curse style figured out, but someone begs to differ.

At Least We're Being Honest, by blackiceboba T | Kakeru/Yuki | Short Story | also romance Yuki tries to tell Kakeru about the curse. Manabe thinks he's saying something else. Awkwardness ensues.

Becoming Accustomed, by Geoduck G | Gen - Kyo & Kazuma, Kyo & Kunimitsu | Flash Fiction Shortly after he moves in to Kazuma's house, Kyo has a birthday. When Kunimitsu does not find out about that birthday until the day of, he does feel a bit stressed.

Changing the Ending, by Geoduck T | Gen - Kyo & Momiji | Flash Fiction Kyo wakes up to someone laying down next to him. And this someone is in the mood to talk.

Don't Be a Stranger, by me T | Gen - Arisa & Akimoto | Short Story After a draining day at work, Arisa Uotani runs into someone from her past.

Furedi, by me T | Gen (ensemble cast) | Short Story When his younger cousins come over to watch Mogeta, Shigure finally tells Kyo the true nature of Jason, just in time to invent a new threat in the surrounding woods: Freddy.

Giving Up Burdens, by Geoduck G | Gen - Kisa & Kyo (minor Tohru/Kyo) | Short Story | also hurt/comfort Kisa Sohma decides to do something she's never done before: have a conversation with Kyo.

Heisei's Dusk, by Geoduck T | Kyo/Yuki, Tohru/Momiji, Tohru & Kyo & Yuki | Short Story Twenty years to the day after Tohru, Yuki, Kyo, and Momiji's trip to the Sohma hot spring back in their high school days. In commemoration, that quartet goes to the hot spring again.

How Can I Thank You, by SharkFairy77 E | Kyo/Yuki | Novelette | also smut As Kakeru's best man, Yuki has him and Maki over for a celebration dinner. Kyo, the loving boyfriend that he is, even agrees to cook… However begrudgingly. At the last minute, Kakeru asks if he can bring his sister Machi (Yuki's ex) along to dinner.

How to Accidentally Terrify Your Entire Family, by itsalreadyhalloweenright G | Gen - Hajime & his sister | Short Story | also humor Shirasi Sohma, youngest of Kyo and Tohru Sohma, desperately misses her brother Hajime after he's moved far away for high school. So one Friday, she decides to through some clothes into the bottom of her backpack and take the train to go see him for the weekend. Without telling anybody ahead of time.

i really (really really) like you, by alpacas T | Tohru/Kyo | Short Story “Do you think they’ve done it yet?” Haru asks.

Like a Bolt Out Of the Blue, by me G | Tohru/Kyo, Hajime/Mutsuki, Momiji/OMC | also hurt/comfort & pining At their annual family beach trip, Hajime wrestles with some big feelings.

Like Father, Like Son, by me T | Gen - Tohru & Kyo & Hajime & their second son | Short Story When Tohru and Kyo can't find their two young sons one morning, they turn up in an unexpected-- and very cute!-- place.

The Nine Lives of Kyo Sohma, by 8_characters_or_less NR | Gen | WIP | also angst & hurt/comfort Collection of oneshots about Kyo

Notebooks and Needles, by reconquer G | Kakeru/Yuki | Short Story kakeru annoys yuki into letting him pierce his ear

On Top of the World, by me G | Tohru/Kyo | Flash Fiction Tohru has a surprise planned for her date with Kyo.

Open Season, by reconquer T | Kakeru/Yuki | Short Story yuki gets trashed and spills the beans

Over (Un)Easy, by me G | Yuki & Shigure, Yuki & Haru | Short Story Yuki moves into Shigure's house and stumbles through his first day outside of that dark room.

Quality Shrimp Time, by ConvenientAlias T | Tohru/Kyo/Momiji | Short Story Momiji asks Kyo and Tohru out and things sort of spiral from there.

tights and mascara, by sacrificialParsnip T | Gen - Ayame & Yuki (background Kakeru/Yuki) | Short Story In which Yuki comes out to his brother and it goes about as well as one might expect.

vigilante, by floraltohru T | Machi/Yuki & Tohru/Kyo | Short Story Machi finds herself cornered. Tohru orchestrates a rescue mission.

We Have the Rest of Our Lives, by me T | Tohru/Kyo | Short Story | also hurt/comfort Kyo helps Tohru change her bandages after she's released from the hospital.

Welcome Home, by me G | Tohru/Kyo | Flash Fiction Tohru anxiously awaits Kyo's return from a training trip.

We'll Work it Out Together, by inheritanceofgeek M | Tohru/Kyo, Kyo & Hiroshi & Yusuke | Short Story In which Hiroshi and Yusuke help Kyo figure out he's asexual, and are the biggest Kyoru shippers on the block (besides Shishou-san).

Wish, by me G | Tohru/Kyo | Short Story Tohru and Kyo take their three children to their small town's Tanabata festival.

Here's a link to my bookmarks tagged fluff and my bookmarks tagged slice of life.

Fic Recs Masterpost