#better enjoy it while it lasts
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I am having a really good hair day.
#i don’t know why#i didn’t do anything out of the ordinary with it this morning#just my usual shampoo & conditioner (not the fancy stuff) no product and just let it dry naturally#but it has shape it has bounce it has swishability!#better enjoy it while it lasts
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I do wonder what's gotten me into the recent writing mood. The spring sun? Idek, but it sure is nice.
#ner talks#better enjoy it while it lasts#my brain is just all *hears a song & tries to squeeze a character (Jamil) into it*#*something happens: but what about bringing the blorbo in here*
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*catboys ur shounen protag*
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#boss shes drawing shirtless catboys.............#listen i just bought the mewji plush ive been in a Mood ok#u all can forgive me im sure#i rly liked the original mewji sketch that i did last night but fr some reason when i went to clean it i could not get th expression??#it just looked so off and kind of uncanny and not like yuuji at all#so i scapped it :) hes less scrunchy faced now#also. gomenyasai i am still guilty of doubling up on human/cat ears....#espECIALLY with a haircut like yuujis it is beyond me how to omit them#if anyone can make it work u r a better artist than i#anyway im so happy the trend of like. putting ur ref pic next to the finished piece exists#adds a lil layer of visual interest i think !!!#plus i for one think its neat seeing what other ppl use fr ref#i realized while drawing this tht its been a minute since my last boy without a shirt on#every time i get to draw torso muscles i am like i shld do this more often !!! and then i never do#bc the only thing i like more than rendering muscles is a cute fit GHJFJHFGSHg#anyway itadori mewji ladies and gays enjoy <3#i have ! places 2 b !#'why were u late' . uh .
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Learning to celebrate the little wins!
#fersona#While I don't have the capacity to do Hourly Comics Day#I did journal my day hour-by-hour and the sheer difference in my self-care and routines is *staggering*.#Honestly both Feb 1 2024 and 2025 were rough days...but this year I had a far better outlook on it all.#The funny part is that when I drew this a few days ago I actually *was* celebrating not crying.#Might have still cried on Feb 1st. A meagre 4 times. But I also had lot of good moments!#January is a very hard month for me and frankly I've been in a fugue state for most of it.#Drawing helped me pull through these last 2 years but this year I've been finding myself so upset at how I can't seem to focus anymore.#So updates and posts have been slow. I'm just slow. I'm tired and burnt out from work and grieving.#But you know what? The days I do manage to post; I'm never shamed for how long it took. You're all just as excited and kind.#I'm coming home and eating better and sleeping more and spending time with loved ones.#This is all to say; you can be a lot happier when you realize that life can be taken a little slower.#I'm more grateful that words can possibly convey.#If you related to the mindset of constantly feeling like you've 'failed' the day; please know you have done more than you realize.#I'm struggling with it everyday! I'm in the trenches with you!#Life is too short and painful to not celebrate what you *do* accomplish! It's hard work but it is worth it!#Bit by bit...we will learn to live. *Really* live. And enjoy it!
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did you remember to leave space for all your phantom limbs?
⋆。 ゚☁︎。 ⋆。 ゚☀︎。 ⋆。 ゚ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚★⋆。˚ ┊ ┊ ⋆ ┊ ★⋆ ┊ ◦ kirbytober 2024 #03 ★⋆ miracle // phantom // magic
#starstruck dee#bandana waddle dee#my art#my comics#kirbytober#rare un-bowed starstruck moment!! only sometimes when sleeping; mostly with company who do a similar ritual. so she participates#you would not believe the number of incredibly important monologues that occur while starstruck is snoozing!!#truly she can sleep through anything (if you can get her to fall asleep). not an easy feat#though bandee always manages it! when she can't sleep but she's trying (often) she comes to his room. she just sleeps better not alone.#i wonder if someone from last year's kirbytober will recognise this location design!! i tried to keep it consistent!#anyway! hello lore comics it's been a while! this one wasn't planned actually. was not next in my schedule for her#but this prompt worked so well for it!! so here it is. hope you enjoy!! <3#do i need to... i mean it's obvious this is lore but i guess i should tag it:#🎀🔍#my dream is that one day i will drop something So Pretentious or Confusing or Cheeky that folks will full-legal-name me in comedy rage#“STARFLUNG!WADDLE!DEE!” etc. i think i've said this before actually. i'm getting deja vu... but i do always think it's peak comedy!#gravitational collapse
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So yes I have OF COURSE read @naffeclipse new fic Apex Polarity and yes, I AM OBSESSED!
So I decided to make a little comic of how I think their "first encounter" might have looked like from Eclipse's perspective.
I can't help but think about how alien and scary we most look to him (especially if there is a history of fasco hunting polar sirens in the past). With all that gear we look like emotionless beings, just observing and uncaring of this ice world. But then when y/n shows up and probably exudes this joy and wonder for his world + shows respect for the creatures and the environment??? Mmh yeah, I can see Eclipse falling for y/n, especially considering how alone he might be...
So yes, that's what I have for today! If you want to read the fic I'll link it right here. I can't recommend it enough, but as always, read the tags so you know what you're getting into! And lastly I also want to @themeeplord beacuse Eclipse's design is basically their design in my style (god I love their design so much, their character/creature designs are the BEST) so all the credit goes to them! Polar!Y/N is my design thou! ;P
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read the two latest chapters-
YIPPEE!!!
#apex polarity#orca!eclipse#polar y/n#dca#dca fandom#I am once again plagued by the terrible ramble disease#but I got thoughts and I wanna share them >:/#so here are some more:#when I say the humans look alien I mean Grey alien level alien#Emotionless face? Check. Big empty eyes? Check. Studying and probing the inhabitants? Check. Possibly abducts inhabitants? Check#or mad scientist vibe#imagine professor Membrane from Invader Zim while he's saying 'I know better know' <- that kind of vibe#ok- one last thought!#as you can see- I decided to go full out and try coloring and stuff!#and one of the reasons why I decided to do that is because I'm not well practised in those departments- but I want to get better at them!#so if you think this looks like a hot mess- it's because they are XD#but with all this considered- I think I did pretty well!#So I hope you enjoyed it! XD#Now I'm giving all of you who's read ALL OF THIS a giant gold star#because wow- you're dedication and focus is absolutely INSANE and I appreciate you taking the time to read this#NOW GO AND BE FREE MY FRIEND!!!
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Chase suffers in love but the other Norms still let him come to their little photoshoot
#shepherds of haven#lavinet naveen#shery acquell#trouble alder#riel syndran#chase trinaeste#LOL so I sketched Chase ages ago bc I have beef with him and he is the main man of some of my closest friends#and I just was like what if I drew all the other norms wrapped in blankets#it became everyone in jackets while Chase suffered but I think that’s funnier#it’s norm team building!!!!#originally trouble’s jacket was a denim bomber bc basically I just want him to wear a rugby uniform or anything worn by members of a-ha#but he looks rly nice in brown so#FIRST TIME DRAWING RIEL AHHHH my actual love#Halle would be crazy for riel as her small vicious pointy boyfriend but alas#but she can shape shift riel !!! pls!!!!!!!!#she is flattered he saw her as a dragon she felt rly seen in that moment lol but also just generally enjoys his company#I drew shery first but after I drew trouble she looked really washed out#It was driving me nuts and I couldn’t stand it - I had to go back in and saturate tf out of her layers and it looked better#lavinet got the same treatment actually#I really like lavinet and in my head she’s THICC with a wasp waist like just OOZES femininity#her and shery are accidentally looking at each other while riel is trying to stare through trouble’s soul#DONT FEEL BAD FOR CHASE ANYONE it’s SELF INFLICTED#the infamous trinaeste torpedo#love is hard chase !!!! it sucks !!!!!!!!#if I reframe Chase as being reluctant to fall in love bc he becomes a complete simp with lowkey yan behaviours I can rly get behind it#chase and Halle wouldn’t last long enough to sleep together unless she loses all confidence in herself as a woman bc wow her true love is#CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED OMG#she would hear him choose to f chase in fmk and would be like what do you have that I don’t#wouldn’t even hear the marry bit#anyway this was fun and actually came about bc I was drawing rly extra outfits for the mages and got tired aka couldn’t figure out what
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snap's uber cringe vampire cherik rambling !!!!!! read at your own risk of charles/erik origins But If They Were Vampires and more !!!!
very simple makeshift vampire age map for the sake of understanding this vague timeline i have (hint: just multiply by ten) this is all subject to change because time is mean and im indecisive
infancy - 0 - 40
childhood - 50 - 120 years
adolescence - 130 - 170 years
emerging adulthood - 180 - 240 years
older adulthood - +250 years
elderly - +700 years
about dhampirs: they're not immortal like vampires, they just have a (much) longer life expectancy than humans (they really are just like 'weaker' vampires in this, only possessing half of their strengths and weaknesses)
'what's our time period' EXCELLENT question brother.
jk i think the main events will be set victorian-edwardian period (1850's-1910's) but charles and erik are at least a couple centuries old- probably born amidst the late 1500's (1580's-90's more specifically), maybe meet during the 1800's
charles' profile
charles heralds from a wealthy vampire family whos had their influence in england for centuries (maybe established roots during the 5th century), the general public none the wiser to their vampirism. at most there's rumors, but the family's charismatic enough to keep the murmurs at bay
brian is like. a little less evil to charles in this timeline. most of their time together being brian teaching charles how to run the family's business and whatever else vampires do to balance the life of a vampire and a human. at most, brian emotionally neglects charles as he stays vigilant in ensuring the xavier family can prosper for centuries. sharon xavier would be the one to instill all that is good and human in charles despite her own vampirism (most likely turned by brian before they had charles)
brian xavier is murdered by human kurt marko once the latter figures out his vampirism right before europe's widespread vampire hysteria (so maybe late 1600's)- not for any heroic purposes but so he can steal the xavier family's wealth of course.
he holds the xavier's vampiric origins over them until his eventual death (maybe early 1700's).
considering the idea charles' accidentally summons a pack of wolves to the house during a heated moment and they tear him apart- maybe kurt tries to protect cain and charles idk. charles wouldn't realize he caused this until much later while learning about his vampirism, BUT im still chewing on this so don't take this as 100% canon to this au.....
kurt never discloses the true nature of the xaviers to cain while he's alive, but as the boys grow older cain figures it out for himself and decides to dedicate his life to hunting down charles- how much of it is to rid the world of one less vampire or to vent the unhappiness he experienced growing up in the xavier household onto his brother is unclear
while kurt was alive, he experiments on charles in an attempt to understand his vampirism in an attempt to achieve eternal life without the drawbacks of vampirism. but i mean how good can your science be: evidently he fails vjELKJALKJ
as an adult, charles is curious about his own vampirism as he attempts to live amongst humans and perhaps help them (maybe not give them eternal life but at least how to extend life). he doesn't seek to 'cure' himself, only figure out how his biology works to live comfortably and safely: after all, there must be a reason as to why he was born this way, he reasons
he pursues a life of medicine to do this and along the way meets moira mctaggart (around late 1700's/early-1800's), a scientist working closely with the occult and isolated from general society. after some time, he reveals he's a vampire to her and they effectively become partners to further understand vampirism (but not romantic partners)
most of their work concerns why vampires 'need blood' and how to find a suitable substitute ('surely it's not blood itself that satiates vampires but a property within it?'), but they also look to find out why vampires can be weak in the sunlight and why they appear immortal (aka: they're purely scientific in their approach to the vampire phenomena instead of thinking it's magical, charles reasoning that vampires are just humans with a type of evolved biology. time will tell if he's right or wrong in this approach, and brother he has plenty of time)
erik's/max's profile
compared to the house of xavier, the house of eisenhardt- while not as wealthy- still maintained some sort of reputation in east prussia. however, the news of their vampirism easier leaks amidst the mid-1700's heightened paranoia of vampires (probably a domino affect of the rumor of Renowned Xaiver Family being one of vampires expanding after kurt's death), and he finds himself to be the only survivor amidst the violence against his family
fleeing further east and with the benefit of his youthful visage despite his real years, max has no problem using his intelligence and experience to find work to support himself and manages life alone until he eventually meets magda (maybe around the same time charles meets moira, 1790's). with her being human, it isn't long until she and max introduce little dhampir anya into the world
he tells magda of his vampiric origins (after all, if they were going to have a baby it'd prob be best to let her know the baby's gonna be part vampire right..), but whether it's disbelief or not fully grasping the implications of such, magda accepts and loves him. max vows never to feed off his wife, mostly feeding off hunted animals to satisfy himself
for a while, max was content to live in relative solitude with his family: he wouldn't bother the humans, and in turn they shouldn't bother him. but soon enough (talking Ten Years Later soon enough), the true nature of max and his family is uncovered in the quaint town they lived in, and history threatens to repeat itself as a growing mob attempts to torch their home. they can't succeed before max makes a bloody example of the mob- a display that frightens magda and has her flee with anya in her arms. that would be the last time max sees his wife and child. he effectively repurposes the site of where he lost his family as a quaint memorial to them and the grounds remain relatively untouched bar his annual visits (the common people more often rumoring it to be cursed as a result)
max would change his name to 'erik lehnsherr' as a way to bury his past and move on with his new, less-human-sympathetic life. uttering his real name weakens his power if not strips them away for some time entirely, so he's greatly secretive to who he tells it to (spoilers: he never tells anyone). he spends most of his time alone in his castle, going out at night to feed off late-night wanderers in nearby cities
as for wanda and pietro, debating on exactly what to do with them and if they're blood related to erik or not. considering having pietro be a dhampir that maintained his superspeed while wanda's still just a witch. not sure what to do about lorna either. at the very least, if they do live with erik, he's greatly protective and overbearing about them (a possible blend of keeping them close to use their might against humans, and not wanting to lose any more of his family)
The Part People Are Here For charles and erik interacting
How Do They Meet wow great questions today !!!
around 1810's, probably during one of erik's Feeding Nights he bumps into charles and attempts to make dinner of him, charles at this point passing far too easily as a regular human. the ensuing encounter/fight eventually leads to charles having to reveal himself also to be a vampire (probably as a result of having to resort to using telepathy to keep erik at bay and thereafter explaining himself)
despite the rocky start, neither can hide the fact they're ecstatic about meeting another vampire and become fast friends. Yknow. After overlooking the Sorry I Tried To Eat You part
so now charles spends his mornings with moira and his humanly duties and at night he sometimes spends time at erik's abode and with his children (if i decide they live with him of course).
moira can't ignore the way charles lights up when talking about erik (and how could she: even if he was candid with her about his experiences, it was an entirely different feeling talking to another vampire who already understood- and perhaps understood better). as such, she doesn't let charles forget erik could potentially be a danger- something charles can't forget if he wanted to (see again: them meeting the first time. still, he chooses to believe in the better parts of erik)
of course charles tries to dissuade erik from seeing humans as purely food or menaces and encourages him to work alongside himself to find more 'ethical' ways to be a vampire, but of course erik is resistant to the idea and at times admonishes charles for his thinking.
Everyone's Favorite Part: The Divorce
for a while- maybe five years- erik isn't aware of moira's existence. but on a night charles neglects to visit him he spots the pair walking to moira's home. following them, he's quick to discover moira's lab and realizes charles has been cooperating with a human this whole time (how much had he told her about erik? how much of their weaknesses did he expose to her? why wouldn't he tell erik about moira sooner if she wouldn't be an issue?)
enraged, erik doesn't wait for an explanation as he barges into the small shack and barks accusations of betrayal at charles. it only gets worse when moira is puzzled that charles didn't tell erik about her when he was more than happy to tell her about erik, only reaffirming erik's suspicions charles was attempting to doom vampires as a whole
what happens next im still up in the air about, but it'll be how charles loses the use of his legs in this universe
scenario a is while erik and charles brawl in moira's shack, she hurls holy water onto erik and disfigures his face. while he's down, she attempts to throw more holy water on him to at least give her and charles more time to escape only for charles to shield him at the final moment. while he's mostly unharmed, his legs get burnt as he pushes erik out of the way and finds he isn't able to regenerate the damaged limbs
scenario b is moira still gets erik with the holy water, however charles drags them out of the shack and tries to break for the nearest town. unfortunately, during their escape erik finds one of moira's silver-tipped crossbows (or something to that affect: still deciding if he should have control over magnetism in this but Details Details) and shoots charles in the spine ultimate style. going off the myth silver is Not Good for all 'unholy' and dead creatures of course, charles' nervous system isn't properly able to regenerate for Above Mentioned Reasons (his body's so 'dead' the antibacterial properties of silver eat away at him). the cruel irony of it all really (or silvery... heh.. metal...)
as a result of being burned by the holy water, erik would wear his helmet more often- at least until he feeds off enough humans to regenerate the damaged tissue (note: only human blood can restore holy-artifact-induced wounds, which means charles won't regain the use of his legs because of his refusal to consume human blood)
either way, once she and charles escape erik and relocate, moira stays with him for some time- at least long enough for charles to get used to his new way of life without his legs and figure out what they should do next, maybe two-three years. eventually, charles and moira agree it might be safer to work apart from each other and effectively split. probably leads to charles moving to america to keep an eye on vampires on the other side of the globe while moira keeps an eye on europe
after the encounter with moira and charles, erik becomes more active and now seeks out other vampires (or humans to turn into vampires), fully intending on converting the world to become a vampire's (and hell why not monsters in general) paradise
Things to iron out
the difference between animal and human blood
Whats the benefit to drinking human blood: is it tastier? More nutritious? Evidently its restorative properties are more potent for vampires than animal blood
Maybe more animal blood is needed to supplement human blood (i.e. one human may need the blood of- say- five pigs or something yk what i mean)
Maybe its possible for a vampire to live off animals only, it’d just be more difficult and they might not be as physically strong as vampires who feed off humans
Would they eventually cave into craving human blood? Is it a conscious effort to Not feed off humans? Curious….
Perhaps moira tests the effects of human vs animal blood on charles, offering blood from her arm both directly from her and extracted first to then drink. He cant argue its wrong if she’s offering for science no…. Its For Science Charles its ok…
Another thing i want to solidify is time period: on one hand i wanna do this modern-ish period but im also thinkin bout the 14th century…. Shrug i still have a lot of finer details In General ill work out with myself. For now it’ll prob remain around 1700’s-1900’s
A final minor thing i wanna work on is erik’s ‘real’ name and his name situation in general, mostly how magda knew him. Maybe changes his name to ‘erik lehnsherr’ after the eisenhardt incident, and goes by ‘magnus’ after magda, her knowing him as ‘erik’ while charles mostly knows him as ‘magnus’. ‘Count magnus’…. Hm…. Dunno if i wanna reintroduce ‘magneto’ into this or not …… ill figure it out at some point …
Perhaps other vampires and dhampirs saying his real name doesn’t negatively affect him and it’s strictly only if humans/non-vampires say it
#long post#cherik#vampire au#man i guess jgLEEJALKEJ#snap chats#ok there thats the vampire au footnotes#see this why i didnt just leave this as a tag ramble For Once i have too many thoughts for that jLVKEJLKJA#sorry i made erik a villain again </3 couldnt be helped...#erik and charles are a little older during their respective Childhood Fucked moments#like i think i have erik closer to being a teenager than a little boy when he loses his family#and charles is closer to teenage years when brian is killed#i thought about including david since i'm including erik's kids but Shrug....#maybe charles meets gaby in america... or maybe he goes back to europe trying to reconcile with erik etc etc..#i COULD have this Again be ultimate style where david is moira's son but i want her and charles to just be friends#or at least. not have a child together vJKELJAEKL#maybe they tried to date at one point but it was just awkward and were like This Aint Gonna Work Out... shrug... we're better as friends...#anyway this was fun to type up if you read any of this thank you... i hope you enjoy my random rambling feel free to ask questions or add o#this is very rough and Blah and just what i thought of while falling asleep last night jveLKLAKJG#i will probably never mention this au again unless you guys bring it up im really bad at aus vjELKJEKAELJ
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some Sokka fanart because the world is heavy and I need to return to my ultimate comfort characters.
#I love Sokka so much#might end up spiralling into a full on atla phase for a little while#just need something with good people looking after each other#and working together to make the world a better place#sokka#atla sokka#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#atla#avatar the last airbender#atla fanart#anyway#enjoy and stay safe please
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starting to feel my enjoyment of cooking seeping back in after a long period of intense burnout that had me really slogging along preparing meals with gritted teeth for a good month there. i credit the return of this spark to the much needed break i took on our 3 day vacation that resulted in us eating solely theme park food. while delicious, in all its greasy overpriced glory, i found myself missing the kitchen. so last night for dinner i made heavily spiced chicken wings with crushed peppercorns and garam masala that rendered slowly in its own fat while roasting in the oven, resulting in flavorful charred crisp skin and a really juicy bite. we picked them clean over steamed rice with lime and scallions. i also baked a loaf of marbled pumpkin and dark chocolate bread yesterday for my neighbor as a thank you for doing me a favor last week. it looked delicious. the crumb was tender and plush and velvety, the spiced ginger molasses pumpkin batter swirling alongside the bitter dark chocolate espresso batter, with puddles of dark chocolate bubbling across its top. it looked so lovely i whipped up a second one for us to have for ourselves that's in the oven now, i think it could be a really good breakfast pastry for us this week.
#ugh it feels sooooooooo good to be enjoying cooking again#it was so bad the last like month or so i just#have been sooooo burnt out#it's genuinely insane what a 3 day vacation can do to reset you :(( it makes me sad lol#i wish that everyone could rest to their hearts content forever#i think i am someone who is extremely prone to burnout and i need about quadruple the amount of quiet alone resting time#that the average person does#so when i get burned out its like excruciating to pull myself out of it again#but im also the primary cook of my household so there isn't really time to take a break and recharge and find my joy for it because#we have to eat lol#3 times a day#every day#forever#BUT#i am feeling so much better about things now after making that dinner and baking a little bit#its feeling soooo autumnal around here lately too which helps#the changing of the seasons is so good for my cooking motivationg#idk#i was feeling pretty depressed that i was starting to resent cooking for a while there since when i enjoy it it's like#life-giving#soul sustaining#wonderful hobby that gives my life purpose and meaning#and it was breaking my heart that i wasn't feeling that way anymore#but i can feel myself coming back#writing about food helps me too#something about describing it#and sharing it with other people who are delighted by it#makes me enjoy it a little extra#sigh#i feel like im returning to myself finally !!!
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We need a meme like the wimdy fox but for earthquakes. It would be very popular here in California.
#the earth's heckin' shakin'#at least it was a little while ago#I know better than to social media during an active quake#and it's not like any of the bazillion little ones I've lived through ever last long enough for that anyway#life in california#earthquakes#I know there's significant wind going on elsewhere today#because of that one post of mine#I would enjoy notifying other people about the status of my own etch-a-sketch region
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See the thing is. I know I'm good at writing. Like I have my weak areas or things I need to improve in, but it's not a skill I otherwise spend a lot of time feeling insecure about because a) if I don't believe in my writing literally who will b) if I want to publish my writing I ought to at least feel a resting level of good about it because editors and agents likely will not be cradling my face like a prize cat and telling me how talented I am while asking for their edits c) I've always had an audience for my writing even at its worst– I started sharing my original works online when I was around 16 & that really helped sell to me the idea of 'there will always be someone out there who likes what you do' d) untalented men never think this hard about the quality of their works and they always end up published anyway and e) I don't have many other thoroughly developed skills so why not have one I feel good about. Having said this. Awkward feeling to realize you're one of the authorial weak links in your postgraduate creative writing degree's social circle
#part of the issue is definitely also like. i am good at what i do! its just that im the only one doing it#40 people in my fuckass degree and im the only one who writes fantasy fiction. we had one more girl but she did romance & dropped out#(to be an agent) (this isnt a sad story)#but yeah no im mostly surrounded by very talented poets and screenwriters. which makes my works seem a little. frivolous. in comparison#and my friends especially are so fucking talented it makes me ill. and they engage politely with me about my writing but its also#superficial and i cant blame them because its simply not what they write/what theyre interested in! i feel the same about poetry#but my friend actually seemed surprised a while ago when i mentioned a thing id been writing and i joked that it looked like she was#surprised i could have good ideas and she didnt answer. and like. man.#i am a good writer! i fucking know im a good writer but im a good FANTASY writer and these people are. different writers and theyre good an#im floundering in this environment next to them and theres something not as like.. artistic in what i do its so fucking embarrassing#and they also display just such a lack of curiosity as to others' writing like.. they wont check the moodle forum to read what the others i#our module have uploaded for each assignment?? like arent you even just CURIOUS? but now im also just wondering if theyre like 🤞 this#with each other in a way that excludes me and my stupid flop ass fiction. i dont know. its just so silly. everyone always talks about#finding community in writing groups & degrees & such and that is exactly the last and most isolating place ive ever been insofar as my#writing goes. like at least way back in high school no one cared in general. here people do care. just not about what i can bring to the#table. although again i really dont know if this is a larger scale lack of curiosity/involvement in others works so i digress.#notnow#tbd#sorry this is a very priveleged complaint to have i AM deeply enjoying my degree and ik im so lucky to get to go where i attend. i just#occasionally feel sad. and knowing i failed my last assignment (which WAS fiction) (one chance to prove myself! cute) isnt helping much#if the poetrypeople are better at me even in the thing im meant to be good at. baby we're about to enter the mental health meat grinder.#but we stay silly. i think i just need to find people online etc to talk to about writing again like i did at 17.#just full insanity paragraph analysis. that was fun. i enjoyed that.
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I’ve got some friends and my betrothed doing a little book club. It started with one friend and we’d leave a comment in discord with the percent we were at and then our thought under a spoiler. When we read that far we’d go back to read the spoiler and respond. Then their hubby wanted an excuse to read more, and my betrothed heard about it and wanted in.
At which point I slid forward The Scholomance series, which I’d been pressuring my betrothed into starting and so everyone took it up. It’s been like crack. I have always loved this series and my betrothed was like, “This sounds like a horrifying depressing setting why do you like it?”
But now they’re all voraciously consuming it and I’m living my absolute best life. I try not to comment much as I don’t want to color their perception but these books are so fucking good and now I get to share thoughts with several other people who are having a wonderful time.
#ramblies#the scholomance#a deadly education#the last graduate#I’m pacing my rereads to their percentages#but I’m a really fast and voracious reader so I’m finishing several books at once and trying to put off my reread until my betrothed hits#about the 20% mark#everyone’s around 1/2 to 3/4 of the way through the second book so I can read my library books while I wait#every reread I get more out of these books and I don’t generally give recommendations on a broad level cause I like to tailor them#but I feel like most people would enjoy these#if you want a better more realistic magic boarding school that is about hope and cooperation#these are good
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ELIA WEEK DAY1: Elia and her children
Headcanons I've been keeping in my heart about our PrincessDianaElia:
artist @the-lady-raerae <3
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The first weeks she was weakened and exhausted for no reason
Her bizarre cravings were a dead giveaway
Elia when told she was expecting immidately told Ashara to send the word to all of Dorne!
She actually cried of joy and was extra careful about what she ate
She would read as soon as she could when she knew she was pregnant
When she felt Rhaenys kick the frst time she was overjoyed. This specific moment made all her pain worth it.
She hoped her child would be healthy (That was her biggest fear)
The delivery was the most intense pain she ever felt
Once she held Rhaenys for the first time she was overwhelmed and happy to know the babe was healthy
She wouldn’t let her go so bad Rhaenys got quickly used to being constantly carried
Rhaenys never had milk mothers. Elia was so happy about her daughter she'd INSIST to feed her herself and actually adored those moments
Elia would talk to Rhaenys like she her best friend, gossiping and chatting away FOR HOURS
Elias ladies in waiting were constantly having their eyes on the babe whenever Elia was away for xyz
After Aerys said nasty shit about Rhaenys at her introduction at court she told Rhaegar she NEVER wishes to be left alone with him. It’s Dragonstone or Dorne for her and her child
The amount of love and care Queen Rhaella showed to her granddaughter salvaged her good family’s reputation to her eyes
Rhaella confided she had always wanted a daughter, it was bittersweet
In fact Queen Rhaella and Princess Elia had mutual respect and care for each other
After this humiliation Elia made sure to have no Aerys patriots around her blood
Security and guardsmen were ordered to be very careful about who wanted to see her daughter
Once she was announced to be carrying Aegon she felt terrified
That period was the worst and only got worser
Rhaegar was already speaking of a third child when she couldn’t obviously carry no more
She was found of her young husband but frustrated of his lack of realism
The King was getting more erratic and mad
The wood attack and the court having obvious stands on Rhaegars succession to the throne
The Kings attitude towards her allowed micro aggressions to flourish at court about her and her children
This she avoided to bring them in that environment as much as possible
When Rhaegar passed her and gave the garland of roses to Lady Lyanna time stopped for her
Funnily enough she felt nothing however her family was livid
Only once she felt eyes on her did she sense something was amiss
In the carriage on the way back she felt numb and eerily calm
She returned to Dragonstone the same evening thinking on the next moves to secure her children’s rights
What would it mean for her bloodline and their claim of the throne
Rhaegar sent for her to return, to explain. She had no interest to return and told him to return to his family once he’s finished there
Both Rhaenys and Aegon would quiet down and soothe when she’d read to them
Her favourite lullabies would be sung in hushed tones
Elia had great aspirations for her children and was already looking into a stable future for both
Elia got familiar with High Valyrian because of Rhaegar
Rhaenys has proven to be Oberyns niece
A turbulent baby leaving chaos everywhere she went
But she was adorable so she got a pass
Aegon was quiet fussy and had a birds appetite
Unsettling his mother a bit that her health got through him
But maesters would constantly reassure her that he was a healthy boy
Elia would teach Rhaenys affirmations and repeat them every morning and night like a prayer
Because this is what her own mother did for her
Rhaenys hated her hair being done by anyone else but her mother (and elia was lowkey proud of this privilege)
Balerion was Rhaegars last gift to his daughter
Princess Rhaenys was a daddy’s girl
As a ritual Elia Rhaegar and Rhaenys used to watch the sun set on the Narrow Sea
While Rhaegar would explain to his daughter the history of Aegon and his sisters Queen Rhaenys and Queen Visenya
Rhaenys is a history nerd too
Father and daughter would also sing together sometimes Elia watched foundly from the doorframe
All her ladies in waiting were her pillars and allies
All their children would play together with the little Princess
Though Ashara Dayne was the favourite aunt and she felt her absence the most once alone in Kingslanding
Her last letter to Ashara was to warn her that Aegon had indigo eyes and that she had won their bet
Ashara received it too late…
Elia Aegon and Rhaenys remains rest in the Watergardens in Dorne
#eliamartellweek#elia martell#my love my sun my ever shining star#i tried i really did#she loved them dearly#these three lives violently taken away and ignored are a testament on how humanity just glosses over horrid events#I wish them the best#she lives in my mind!#she’s eating foods she lives in Dorne while Rhaegar is shafted by Roberts hammer 🥺#anwyays#eliamartellweek is a great event idea I’ll enjoy it while it lasts#thanks to the organisers 🤍 y’all are awesome#and sorry if it sucks 😭💀💀 hopefully I’ll become better#English is my 3rd language#I went a bit crazy and all over the place#but I had fun *tears in my eyes*#elia martell week 2024
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forced myself to finish this book even though by the last hundred pages or so all i was doing was picking apart the post-catholicism of it all. bc i feel like it's important to read shit you don't gel with . just because. even though the whole way through i was like they HAVE to prove it's not real. they HAVE to. so not the point of any of it but i was desperate for them to Find The Body etc. and of course instead they have mystical time travel experiences and all that because that is the kind of book the actual star is but i was desperate for them to realize that the star you see is the actual star. and then it wasn't
#the actual star#like i me? personally? am a staunch and firm believer that the star you see is the actual star#i dont cotton to the concept of 'higher levels of consciousness'#or 'transcendence' or the concept that the world is not the home#like. do i think people can put themselves in altered states of consciousness? sure. but none of those states are higher or better#it's just drugs or whatever. hallucination. sleep deprivation. really good/bad mood. brainwaves#i like aggressively dont believe that shit#but the book and the characters here DO. and i had to go with it while trying not to nitpick it too hard the entire time#not my favorite experience but one i was determined to have anyway just to see the thing through to the end#i think my favorite timeline was a tossup between the 1012 and the 3012. but the 3012 mostly in the beginning when it was all worldbuilding#by the end it was getting more mystical and i had too many issues with the future society that weren't going to have time to be resolved#which was very clearly also not the Point Of The Book which is a big one for loose threads and 'decoherence of meaning'#the 1012 plot was more engaging on a throughline level. i enjoyed it beginning middle to end just wish ket had been there more#she was sort of a decoy protagonist she got a couple chapters and then it was all the twins lethally misunderstanding each other#this is also a book which really really gets into entropy which#well first of all its scary. entropy. but secondable it's not as big of a noticeable deal as youd think it would be#what the fuck ever you're alive#who cares if everything is going to fall apart in eight billion years#there's a bit in the last xander chapter where he's like oh i HATE everything i HATE the earth!!! ok and you're about to have#the most formative experience of your life and build a cult around it. on the foundational idea that the earth isnt as real as heaven is#babeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the catholicismmmmmmmmmmmmmm#this book. more than anything. made me think about all of the 3012 jewish buddhist etc ppl living in sedente communities like#watching all of this from the sidelines wondering when Christianity 2 is going to fall apart under its own weight#now THAT'S entropy babey
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Finally reached the point in my Iron Man obsession where I watch Armored Adventures for the first time and I wish I actually watched this when I was a kid because I would have been LOCKEDDDDDDDDDD IN
#i’m not even gonna lie I’m kinda locked in watching it NOW#it’s so charming. i love children’s media#i put it on to just have in the background while i do a small sewing project but lowkey i’m locked in#more than anything though i am actually a little bit upset that I didn’t watch this when I was a kid#5th and 6th grade me specifically would have been OBSESSED with this show#every last detail of this show is actually engineered to make 11 year old me go absolutely feral#it’s the exact kind of thing that would have swallowed my brain WHOLE#maybe it’s for the best bc I would not have shut up about it and everyone in contact with me would have been like please shut up#better late than never. i will enjoy it now in the spirit of my 11 year old self#I didn’t even know this show existed until a few years ago but there’s something so perfectly nostalgic about watching it#iron man armored adventures
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