#best thing is in 2020 i started watching the show and LOVED it (like actually obsessed and it's still one of my fav comfort shows)

[wikitpowers]

look! it's kit and ty! :')

gif: @theedorksinlove

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Right Answer

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.7k

Warnings: none

Summary: What you need is a road trip with your crush, aka your older brother’s best friend, to get your mind off your problems and stress. When he goes to get gas, a woman shows up and starts to flirt with Bucky, causing you to be jealous. How do you show Bucky that you want him without actually telling him that?

Squares Filled: road trip (2020) for @buckybarnesbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are greatly appreciated <3

x

It’s been one of those days. Your brother is out of town with his girlfriend so you have the house to yourself, but you hate being alone. You hear every creak the house makes, you think someone is watching you, and you hate sleeping inside an empty house. He’s only been gone for a week but he still has two more weeks before he’s back from vacation. He made his best friend promise to look after you while he’s gone but he’s been over once since he left.

Not that you minded much. You have a major crush on Bucky but the last thing you’re going to do is tell him that. You’re eight years younger than him and Steve, so you’re afraid all he’ll ever see you as is his best friend’s little sister. You and Bucky have a good relationship since he’s always over to hang with Steve, but you two rarely hang out together. You might have the opportunity now since Steve is gone, but you’re having such a bad day that you’re not sure Bucky will be able to cheer you up.

However, it would be nice to hang with Bucky after the shitty day you’ve had at work. You pace the empty living room silently with your phone in your hand, debating whether or not you should call Bucky. It would be nice to talk about your day with someone. You dial Bucky’s number before you can talk yourself out of it and put the phone to your ear.

He doesn’t let it ring past the second one.

“Hey, Doll,” he drawls.

“Hey. Are you busy?”

“I’m free for you.” Your cheeks heat up and butterflies erupt in your stomach. “What’s up?”

“Do you want to go for a drive? I need out of this house.”

“Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes.”

Bucky is there in ten. He even shows up with flowers in hand which make the butterflies double in size. After putting them in water, you two get in the sleek black muscle car that he loves so much. He has always wanted a 1970 Chevy Camaro and was only able to get his hands on a convertible. He doesn’t use it much unless you’re in the car with him because he knows how much you love the wind in your hair.

You tie your hair in a low ponytail to keep it down, and he puts the top down before pulling out of your driveway. There are plenty of backroads to avoid traffic which Bucky takes instead of the main highway.

“Alright, what’s going on?” he asks after ten minutes into the drive.

“I think my boss wants to fire me or wants me to quit. He’s been cutting my hours and taking responsibility away from me even though I’m working my ass off for him. I work harder than everyone else and put in more hours than everyone, and he still treats me this way. I don’t want to quit because I finally do something in my field. I’m a good photographer but he either doesn’t see it or doesn’t like me.”

“You’re one of the best photographers I know.”

“I’m the only photographer I know,” you chuckle.

“Still. I’ve seen your work. You’re natural talent. I think I might want pictures of this car.”

This causes you to laugh at the thought of Bucky with pictures of his car hanging on his walls. He doesn’t have a girlfriend to hang so may as well hang his car. Bucky looks over at you and admires the smile on your face. He loves seeing you smile.

“I like seeing you smile.”

Heat spreads across your cheeks and you look away while trying to hide your smile. Stop. He’s your older brother’s best friend. He is nearly a decade older than you. He’s just trying to be nice. Whatever he’s doing is working. It’s getting your mind off your shitty day. Bucky continues to drive for another hour with the wind in your hair and music blasting through the speakers.

“Hey, I have to stop at the gas station.”

“Sure,” you nod.

Bucky pulls into the closest gas station and gets out while you stay seated. You pull out your phone and begin browsing your social media. The gas tank is on your side so Bucky walks around the car and starts filling her up.

“Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you.”

“Yes, you do.”

“Oh, I do?” you chuckle and look up at him.

“Yeah. I know for a fact that you haven’t eaten anything all day so I know you’re hungry. If you don’t get food in you now, you’ll be cranky and wake up with a stomach ache. Now, do you want taquitos or hot dogs?”

What…? How does he know that? The only two things you eat from a gas station are taquitos or hot dogs. The pizza always tastes like cardboard, and you don’t want to dine on junk food all the time.

“Taquitos.”

“Be right back.”

Bucky goes inside the gas station and returns two minutes later with some blue Powerade and three taquitos. The pump is still going so he leans back and crosses his arms while waiting for the gas pump to stop.

“Hey, nice car.”

You look over your phone and see a skinny blonde woman walk up to Bucky with flirty eyes.

“Thanks.”

“Makes sense you would own something like that. Fitting for your type.”

His type? Who the hell does she think she is? She doesn’t know Bucky.

“My type? What type would that be?”

“Gym rat, maybe a motorcycle driver, always wanting to show off what he has, but loyal to the ones he loves. Am I getting close?” she smiles.

“Yeah, you are.”

Bucky shifts his weight to his other foot which you take for him being uncomfortable. He puts his hand on top of the window and since the top is still down, you can easily grab it if you want to. Grab it. Show her that he’s yours. Bucky isn’t yours. He only sees you as a little sister. Suddenly, you’re not so hungry. The little green monster known as jealousy sits on your shoulder even though you have no reason to be jealous. Bucky isn't yours and he would never go for you.

Still, you can’t help but reach up and grab his hand. You don’t have to look at Bucky to know he’s smirking.

“So, look, I’m free this Friday and you’re very cute. Want to do something with me? Get to know each other?” she boldly asks.

You squeeze his hand instinctively and he moves his hands in further to grip your hand more. She hasn’t looked in the car since arriving otherwise she’d see you sitting there.

“Sorry, but I gotta go. My girl’s in the car.”

You take your hand away from Bucky as he turns to the pump that has stopped. The woman finally looks at you but you can’t meet her eyes. She nods and walks off without saying a word, and Bucky gets back behind the wheel. You can’t seem to look at him because not only do you have a bunch of butterflies, but you’re kind of embarrassed. You didn’t mean to take him from what you’re sure was a heartfelt moment but you don’t want to think about Bucky with anyone but you.

Does that make you selfish? Maybe.

He pulls out of the gas station and returns to the back roads to get home. The ride is silent for the first ten minutes before Bucky turns the music down.

“So, are we gonna talk about that?”

“Talk about what?”

“You really playing dumb now?”

“What? That woman clearly wanted in your pants. There’s nothing to talk about it.”

“Oh no, there’s clearly something to talk about.”

Bucky reaches over and grabs your hand before pulling it into his lap. You try to yank it away but he has a strong grip on your hand.

“There’s nothing to talk about. Just take me home.”

“Whatever you say, Doll.”

The rest of the ride is spent in complete silence. As soon as Bucky parks the car in front of your house, you’re bolting out of it. Bucky is quicker than you are so he chases after you to the front of the house. You shove the key inside the lock and twist it, pushing the door open to get inside before he can get to you. Luck is not on your side, unfortunately, and he pushes his way in before you can close the door.

“Where are you going, Doll? We’re talking about this.”

“For the hundredth time, there’s nothing to talk about. She was clearly annoying you. I was just trying to save you.”

Bucky keeps the door open and walks you backward into the wall.

“Nope, you’re going to tell me the truth.”

“What truth is there to tell?”

“You were jealous,” he smirks.

“What?! No, I wasn’t.”

“Wrong answer. You didn’t want me going out with her.”

“No. You can do whatever you want.”

“Wrong answer.” Bucky presses you more into the wall and puts his hand on it right next to your head, caging you in. “I’m gonna ask you one more time. Were you jealous?”

“Please, if the roles were reversed, you would have been fine,” you scoff.

You try to ignore how hard your heart is beating or how sweaty your palms get.

“No, I wouldn’t have. Every guy who touches you, talks to you, or looks at you makes me rage. So, no I wouldn’t have been okay. I would’ve been jealous, and I would’ve been able to tell you that.”

“What?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know. You might be Steve’s little sister but you’re more than that to me. I don’t give just anyone rides in my car, and I hate the top being down but I do it because you love it. So, were you jealous?”

“Yes,” you whisper.

“Right answer,” he smirks.

He closes the distance between you two and kisses you, and he slides his fingers through your hair. This is the moment that changes everything. Everything you’ve ever wanted is right here kissing you, and there’s no way you’re gonna let him go now.

x

Want to be tagged? Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[glaciertea]

Tickets for Two

Miguel O'Hara x GN!Reader two-shot

Part 2

This is part one of this story that's been on my mind for quite a while.

Summary: Working the graveyard shift at a movie theater has it quirks. It's not the best thing, and it's not the worst.

Well, there is one thing that keeps you from leaving this job.

The huge, gorgeous man who comes in every Thursday.

CW: Nothing for this chapter, just having a crush on Miguel.

Word count: 1.7k

There was something about Thursday nights in the movie theater that always made you exhilarated.

It wasn't the smell of freshly stale popcorn that stunk up your nostrils or the fact that you were able to score the after-hours time slot on this day. The ones many would kill to have because after 9 p.m., the place is a barren ghost town. Oh, no. It wasn't one of those reasons. 

It was him.

Throughout the year and a half you managed to survive working here; you've never seen a man like that before in your life. Yes, you've seen your fair share of attractive people come in and out; of course, this was a place to watch the latest hit-or-miss films. But this one, this one was different.

Tall, high cheekbones, a jawline that could shapren diamonds merely by looking at them, those piercing eyes, and those muscles. You always have to pinch yourself to make sure you're not dreaming.

He started coming three months ago for the ‘Traditional Thursdays’ feature presentation. Your theater would show old movies from the 1930's ranging to the 2020's or 2030's. It was a nice addition, as your boss wanted to have that “retro-style feel,” and it was pretty successful… if one were to go at the 9 p.m. slot. That frame usually brought in a decent amount of customers, but you were happy to not deal with that anymore.

You managed to get in the ten-to-one schedule block. It was a ghost town during those hours, especially with the midnight showings. You would lounge behind the concession, eyeing a few nightcrawlers emerge, but you would wait for him.

He would walk through the sliding doors exactly at midnight. Never a minute early, never a minute late. The actual film doesn't begin until 12:10 to showcase the following week's feature and a trailer or two. 

So it gives him enough time to head in your direction. He has become a regular for you, always ordering a medium black roast coffee, a small popcorn, and a pack of gummy worms. It got to the point where you realized the items were never going to change, so you made it a habit to have them prepared for him on hand. You barely speak because you don't know what to conjure up, and you certainly don't want to make a fool of yourself, so you stick to the basic “Here's your order” and “Enjoy your film.”

He always responds with a “Thank you” or an “I appreciate it,” and each time, your knees will wobble. His voice was smoother than the butter that you poured on the popcorn. He had you weak. His chiseled profile, his domineering height—he was too good to be true. You want to know more about him, but he's very much to himself. You are intimidated by him; his demeanor can make him seem unapproachable, but that only draws you in more.

There will be a day you will finally find the courage to strike up a conversation. One day.

You just weren't expecting it to be today. You manned the concussion stand, eyeing the time and counting the milliseconds. It was, of course, slow, but you loved it. Easy money to you.

His order was fresh and ready to go; he was going to stroll in less than a minute, and you had to put a lid on your excitement. And like clockwork, he came in and made his way right to you.

Putting on your best smile, you placed the snacks and beverage on the counter. “I got everything ready to go, sir. Piping hot and a new batch of popcorn made.”

“Actually, I want to switch it up. I'm sorry for the inconvenience.”

Your brain practically malfunctioned. Not from the request, but from the fact he uttered more words to you. Your reaction must have given something away as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“If not, that's fine. I don't want you wasting supplies on me.”

Scolding yourself, you shook your head and waved your hands. “No, no! No, sir, it's not an inconvenience at all. I'll gladly ring you up with a new order. Anything for the customer.” You despised saying that phrase as it got so many ungrateful, smug idiots out of problems they decided to cause. But for him? You would repeat it endlessly.

Discarding the usual and clearing the order from the register, you nodded. “What are your taste buds tingling for?” Did you really say those words in that order? Your body suddenly wanted to combust.

The man raised a brow as you chuckled nervously. “That sounded... less dumber in my head.”

His lips turned upwards at that, and your heart stopped. He smiles? He can smile! You never once saw him do that, but if you did, you managed to miss it. He managed to look more radiant; how was that possible?

“Well, my taste buds are craving pretzel bites, fruit snacks, and... can I make my medium roast into a large?”

“Yes, sir, I'll try to get it done before the film starts.” 

“No hay necesidad de apresurarse. Take your time.”

“Okay.” You squeaked out, hiding your flustered state from him.

Miguel rested his arms on the countertop and observed the way you moved back and forth, blending new beans and meticulously placing the hot pretzels in a bag. 

“Here you go.” You reached down and took a packet of fruits and propped it nicely on the pretzel bag. “Steaming and raring to go.”

“Are you usually precise when making these orders?” Miguel pulled his wallet out and paid for the meal, leaving a nice tip.

“Kind of. Maybe it's because I have more time to do these things, and I like my regulars to enjoy nice treats.” You grinned and went to clean up his usual. “I hope you enjoy.

“I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Definitely keeping sure. Thank you again.”

You didn't know what meant by that as he took up his things and headed off to catch the film. You put your hand to your chest and calmed your heart rate, going on about your night. You honestly believed that would've been the end of that interaction and that the following week would revert back to the same old, same old, but you were far from it.

The next Thursday, he was there, but fifteen minutes earlier, asking for a new item from the menu alongside the other treats. You were once again thrown off, but that didn't mean you got to be near his presence more, and if not longer. 

It started off with small extras. A bag of pretzels, sized up on the popcorn, an extra bag of candy—nothing too extravagant. However, as the weeks coasted by, the orders got bigger. A hotdog, flatbread pizza, sliders—those meals took you longer to make, but you did not mind one bit. 

You got to chat with him constantly; when Thursday rolled around, you had that extra pep in your step. The conversations ranged from his tedious office filled with people of the same personality, the many tales of strange movie customers from you, or anything that springs to mind. He was awkward, loveable, and sweet, and your crush for him only grew more with each visit. To the point that it was overwhelming.

And it wasn't blowing away anytime soon. 

You were fixing him up a basket of curly fries and chicken tenders casually yapping away when the topic of movie genres popped up.

“I'm into animated movies. They seemingly are able to convey more emotions than actual humans.”

Miguel enjoyed watching you; he honestly preferred looking at you than the film he was supposed to see. “I enjoy them as well. They tend to have moments that resonate with you on a higher emotional level.” He tapped his finger on the glass counter. “Do you have any favorites?”

“Hmm.” You rubbed your chin before moving back over to the fries and dumping some extra salt and pepper on them (they barely had any flavor to them). “I like a good Lixar film. It's funny how they're able to give certain things sentiment. Rather it's inanimate or not, they find a way. I mean, they gave a torso and sweater emotions. A sweater!” You poured the fries into the plastic basket and moved onto the tenders. “Now in particular, I love Bouillabaisse. Up is a heartbreaker, but I can understand the older man's pain. Searching Elmo is so gorgeous, especially for the time it came out. And Coco, that's a tearjerker. That ending scene when he's singing to her? Gets me every time.” 

“I enjoyed all those as well.” Miguel took a sip of his freshly brewed coffee. “Especially the last one.”

“Oh yeah?” You grabbed some tongs and flipped the tenders to cook them evenly. 

“Sí. A bit of a bias though.” 

“A bias?”

“I share the name of the main character.” He stared right into your eyes as he said that.

“Miguel.” It was velvety as it slid off your tongue.

Was that a suave way of him giving his name? It never occurred to you that you actually never learned his name. He knew yours because of the required name tag, but you were glad to know it now and took it with no complaints.

“It fits.” You smiled and finally finished and rang up his meal. “I shouldn't keep you from the movie. I hope everything is of satisfaction for you.”

“You already know it will be.” He paid and reached for his goods when he stopped.

You crooked your neck and looked down to make sure you didn't miss anything. His usual and the new meal were there, so you didn't know what was up. 

“Is everything okay? Did I mess up your order?”

“Everything is fine. I only want to…” he snatched up a napkin and scanned, even going as far as peering over the counter.

“Miguel?” 

“Do you have a pen?” 

“Yes?” You took one from under the register and handed it to him.

“Thank you.” He scribbled down at lightning pace and folded it half, sliding it across to you. “I'll see you then.” He bowed his head, snagged up his meal and left. 

You had to wait several seconds to recover from your shock when you hastily snatched up the napkin and opened it up. You drew your lips to your teeth to prevent yourself from screaming. 

There were ten digits written in blue.

[eddiezpaghetti]

Okay, so my experience with Stranger Things is a weird one.

I didn't care when it first came out, started to watch it out of "might as well" in 2020, wasn't interested in it enough to make it past S2, forgot about it outside of going "oh, hey, cool, there's a lesbian in it now, I guess," in S3, got really annoyed when "Running Up That Hill" got popular from it because it was a song I listened to on fucking loop after one of my best friends died in high school and I fully expected its appearance in the show to ignore the whole survivor's guilt theme of the song (and was very happy to learn later that it did the exact opposite of ignoring the lyrics), saw people drawing Eddie, suddenly got a lot more interested, watched just the fourth season like a fucking psychopath because I was seriously only there for Eddie, then got interested enough to start the show over properly, having mostly forgotten what I did watch of the show before.

And let me tell you something from the perspective of someone who started with the complete fourth season, who wasn't there from the start, who wasn't tainted by ship goggles or this internal battle of hope and despair, who wasn't theorizing about what the painting could be or expecting Mike and Will to kiss when Volume 2 happened or rooting for Mike and Eleven's relationship to go down in flames or whatever the fuck. Just someone who went blind into Season 4.

It's really fucking obvious that Will and Mike are gonna be endgame.

Like holy fuck. It's so fucking blatant I don't even know why people are nervous.

No sane fucking person would shoot this scene this way if they wanted the audience to care about El and Mike as a couple. Despite being all blurry in the background, Will's reaction to what's happening here is smackdab in the fucking middle, clearly showing that the important part is what's going through his head here. What he's feeling. It's like the opposite of that scene from Kingdom Hearts II where Sora and Riku reunite and Kairi just fucking vanishes into the aether while it's happening because, despite the fact that she was standing between them when the scene began, she doesn't matter to the scene, so she's just kind of gone when the camera angle changes. Will could have been behind one of their heads, or so far in the distance he blends in with the background, but he's not. He's so obvious that despite being massively blurred out, he's still the first goddamn thing you look at. What, you think that's an accident? You think he's in the middle of this dramatic fucking scene because of a mistake? He basically has a big flashing neon arrow pointing at him with "THIS IS THE POINT" being screamed through a megaphone.

And then this?

They're paired up like they're taking fucking prom pictures. Each one of these pairs is so fucking close to one another and so fucking far from everyone else. It's not, "Oh, they're standing vaguely near each other in a group shot," it's fucking Noah's Ark out here. Again, there's no way to take this as an accident. It's not just a framing issue. If they wanted to make the shot look balanced while still not hiding anyone else behind El, they would have scattered people around much more naturally. Even if they wanted to keep Nancy with Jonathan and Hopper with Joyce, there's so much room on that hill for three people to stand on El's left and three on her right. But they didn't do that. They put Mike and Will together on purpose in the most obvious way possible.

Like I get that coming up with crackpot theories is fun in and of itself and I'm not blaming anyone for having fun. I totally get the appeal of arguing a point and reaching for every stupid little thing to pull into it because it's like a game, okay? I've done that. But if you're trying to actually convince someone (whether it's someone who wants to believe or someone who's pissed at the very idea that Mike and Will could be in love), stay away from blue and yellow lights, stay away from costume design, stay away from the existence of closets in backgrounds. And don't worry about whether Mike's gay or bi when he's in love with Will either way. I'll give you a little tip about persuasion: You're only as strong as your weakest argument. Even if you've got strong stuff in there, too, the person you're trying to convince is going to dismiss anything you say as complete insanity the second you start going on an entire tangent about the shape of a character's fucking pocket.

Sometimes, clothes are just clothes. Sometimes, there's a closet in the background because it helps establish that a character is in a bedroom. Sometimes, blue and yellow are just a couple of colors that look nice together. And sure, it might be set designers and costume designers and cinematographers smirking and winking at the audience from behind the camera. But if the show was just those things, instead of those things in the context of everything else, they wouldn't be saying anything of note.

But this?

This tells a story all on its own. Someone with no context can look at this and automatically assume that each paired person is standing with someone they care about deeply, seeking comfort as they watch some sort of disaster unfold. And yeah, romantic couples usually come in twos, and we live in an amatonormative society, so that's going to be the first association anyone makes seeing a bunch of people paired off.

It's the same reason you look at this

And go, "Oh..."

"Those two are probably a couple."

And I genuinely don't understand how people could have watched S4 Vol. 2 and gotten scared. Because as someone who went in with no investment whatsoever, I just looked at these two--

--and went, "Oh, those two are a couple. Good for them." And I moved on. Shut up about the trees for five seconds and just see the forest for what it is.

Oh, and if you're still nervous? Little thing from a storyteller here: You don't leave a hanging thread like "Will confessed his romantic feelings for Mike by projecting them onto El, but Mike either didn't understand or at least didn't say he understood," without coming back to that later. That's Chekov's gun hanging on the wall, babes. It's gonna fire at some point. If Mike was going to reject Will's feelings, if they weren't relevant, they would have had that discussion in Argyle's van. There'd be no reason to leave you in suspense.

[yeloenk]

Not a traditional request, but I'm curious to see how your art is formed and what your process is. It's so cool that your art is similar to comyet's!! I always wondered what other people in their newer artstyle would look like but they only ever drew Ink. I guess now I have a chance :D

Drink water and i hope you have a good day!!!

this is a really interesting request!! thank you for asking, actually! i like questions like these :-D

i'll start by explaining my personal art process—how i, 12-year-old me started out, and then explain how i got where i am with my art today! buckle up, because this will probably be a lengthy post :-)

The Progression of my Art

my first ever art posted online was at the beginning of 2020, when quarantine first hit. i had always had a knack for art; doodling in class, making OCs, etcetc. however, when i heard about undertale through a friend, that's when i really started to take things serious.

i did all the things kids do when they first find out about undertale—i watched countless comic dubs, animation memes, looked up fanart, etc. i first started my real art journey when i began making fanart for undertale and the AUs. this is why undertale is so special to me, and why i have loved it for so long! it has fueled my creativity for almost five years now.

this is the first fanart i ever had done. i posted it on amino sometime in may.

i was SO so proud of this piece. i showed it to my friends & family, and then decided to show people online! this was my first big milestone as an artist.

as time went on, i improved more and more, creating countless UT AU artworks in my spare time. and it was all because of the people who were kind and supportive of my art! the UTAU amino will always hold a special place in my heart, because of the positive experience i had. the positive feedback i got is what drove me to really want to start improving my skills and become a better artist like the ones i looked up to 💛 this is why it's so important to be kind to beginners. even if their art isn't the best at first, you bet your asses it'll be in the next few years!!

SO! i drew and improved, really just trying to find my own style that i liked. i had always loved ink sans, and that prompted me to look into his creator's artwork around late 2022-early 2023. i followed her instagram, and at first, just admired her work from afar.

then, i tried out replicating her style! this is the first piece i ever drew inspired by mye! i made this last fall, in 2023.

after that, i tried to find my own style some more, leaving the lineless style behind. but, in may of this year—2024—myebi decided to hold a DTIYs, and that's when i decided to replicate her style!

i know, i know, kinda defeats the whole "draw this in your own style" thing... but i had been wanting to try and replicate their style for quite some time, and i saw this as a perfect opportunity to try it out!

this is myebi's OC, aheran, that i drew for the contest !! it isn't exactly like her style, obviously, since i didn't want it to be too similar and weird mye out. however, i did replicate the lineless style, the grain textures, and the shading style as best i could. i also played around with shape language.

this piece was SO fun to do, and i did end up earning an honorable mention!

this was also my first post on instagram. after this, i started to draw all my art in a style inspired off mye's!

How do I draw in Comyet/Myebi's style?

here is where i'll be answering your question: what does my process look like when I'm replicating myebi's style?

i'll try my best to break it down into seperate steps that i usually take!

1. References!

References, references, references! References are the most important thing you need when trying to replicate something specific. I am currently at a point in my style where I do not usually need references, but you bet I used them big time when I first began to replicate mye's style!

Personally, I believe her instagram (@mye_bi) is the best place to get recent refs of her style! It's the social they post most often on. For Undertale specific references, I gathered them from her Tumblr (@/comyet) because her insta doesn't have Undertale related art. You may have to scroll a bit, but you'll find it on her blog!

I also have some niche references from other online sources, but I had to dig quite a bit for them. You don't need to be that thorough lmao

all art by myebi/comyet!

2. Sketching

After I gather references, I start with a sketch! Really, it's just taking a bunch of references and finding things you like/need to replicate in your piece. If there isn't a reference for something you are trying to draw, then the best you can do is guess! I have to make guesses on how Myebi would draw something all the time, because I draw a wide range of different characters. It's all about experimenting and doing your best!

sketch by me, ink reference by @/comyet, error reference by @/loverofpiggies

3. Coloring over the sketch

After I finish the sketch, I go straight over it with all my base colors! I typically do everything on seperate layers, which procreate... hates. I use a lot of layers.

And, to finish off, I really just add details! Lines, textures, shading, etc. I can't quite explain how I do it—I just go off Myebi's style!

Finding the right brushes

I have spent a long time trying to find brushes that best replicate Myebi's style, and the one I linked below is the best I've been able to find! It's the pack I use right now.

I use Weak Pencil 3 for any lineart I do, I use Fine Pencil 2 for color blocking, and Weak Pencil 4 for the grainy textures/shading :-)

The pack does cost a bit of money, but unfortunately, I haven't been able to find a free brush pack that gets the job done quite the same!

and that's all there is to it! i hope this answers your question and gives you some insight on how i make my art :-D

DISCLAIMER: i am not attempting to be a "myebi 2.0" or anything like that. i simply really enjoy how their style looks, and i enjoy drawing in a similar style! i mean absolutely NO ill intent towards mye—she is my biggest inspiration, and i will always have the most amount of respect and admiration for them and her work. 💛

[hyperactivewhore]

hi I love your blog we have very much the same opinions in everything except klamille is my favourite klaus ship and klaurora is second

I have been trying to enjoying klaus fics or any tvdu fics on wattpad but every thing I have read so far doenst show the characters accurately which is very annoying

I was hoping and want to request if you could give me some recommendations on fics on wattpad that are good. (Mainly klaus but any love interest would be good)

could you please give a short summary/review so far of any recommendation you give so I don’t waste time starting one only to not like ir

sorry if I am sounding rude English is not my first language but I can read it fully thank I you very much

Don't worry, you're not sounding rude at all, if anything you actually sound really sweet. I'm glad we share some opinions and I'm really honored you came to me for some suggestions.

I haven't read long fanfictions in a while outside works in ao3, I left Wattpad a few time ago but I'll still try my best, tho I'm not very good at giving summaries. Fair warning these are mainly fanfics I've read in Archive of Our Own, not Wattpad, but I hope it's not a problem. If it annoys you, send me an ask and I'll give you some Wattpad recommendations!

Patisserie (ao3, poly Mikaelson siblings x original female character, no incest) by @wickedlyemma:

Stats: (published: 2020-12-29), (completed: 2023-03-12), (words: 154,943), (chapters: 45/45), (comments: 4,385), (kudos: 8,469), (bookmarks: 1,799), (hits: 279,967)

Tags: Polyamory, Sugar Daddy, Self-Indulgent, Explicit Sexual Content, No Incest, Slow Burn, Not Canon Compliant

Summary:

I think we've all read those kind of tvdu fanfics where the main character is a teenager, usually related to the Gilbert or the Forbes, still in high school and who suddenly stops trying to make a life for herself just because she gets dragged into the supernatural world. Well, Patisserie is the opposite of that. For once, the main character isn't a teen but an adult around her twenties, who works at a bakery and is completely unaware of the supernatural world until Klaus decides to change that.

The slow burn is is truly worthy of a chef's kiss, the way the author describes and writes the Mikaelson is just so on point it hurts. Their family dynamic is so entertaining to watch, but it's as fucked up as it is in the show, which it's something not many authors can accomplish. The way they behave around the main character, a simple human, it's so amusing because they truly know nothing despite their age and she's just so easy to relate to, because for once the oc is not ridiculously overpowered.

The way we perceive the Mikaelson and the vampire world from a human pov is truly interesting, how she copes with all of it and eventually learns to love all of them individually while being aware of the danger is so well done. Kol and her, as well as her relationship with Klaus, are particularly interesting to read, especially considering how they all behaved around her at the beginning and especially because both of them are the most dangerous members of their family. They are all selfish creatures, and I love how it shows the more their relationships with her develop.

Apotheosis (ao3, Klaus x original female character) by atriums;

Stats: (published: 2022-01-01), (completed: 2022-12-13), (words: 158,264), (chapters: 31/31), (comments: 606), (kudos: 1,817), (bookmarks: 491), (hits: 69,472)

Tags: POV Alternating, Minor Original Character(s), Minor Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, Sexual Content, Devoted Reader, Author Rejects Canon and Substitutes It with Their Own, Cannibalistic Werewolf Cults, Nobody Is Good But Also Nobody Is Evil, These Characters are Flawed and Problematic (Probably), This Fic is Not a Bastion for Healthy Characters and Relationships, Reader/OC Especially, Reader/OC can be any ethnicity

Summary;

You know those fanfics who fix (almost) everything problematic in canon? Apotheosis does exactly that. In this story, Klaus isn't a complete irredeemable character for once, but he also isn't half as bad as his canon version, and due to the oc being a werewolf, this fanfic does expand on his werewolf side a little more than The Vampire Diaries or The Originals ever did. His family and him actually have a healthy bond, and Finn gets the recognition he deserves for once.

The story is set in season three of TVD, exactly when Klaus and Stefan are trying to make hybrids for his pack, and in a ironic plot twist, Klaus decides to take you with him when you're still a werewolf after you say you're not worthy to be a hybrid, at least not yet.

Her devotion to him is completely endearing and I absolutely love how Klaus actually cares for his pack, especially because they're all canonical characters who were killed way too quickly. Her relationships with the members of their pack are so well written, and this fanfic it's the perfect mix of humour and seriousness. It has a ongoing sequel, which I just adore. I warn you though, all the characters have several differences from their canon versions.

Twisted Obsession (fanfiction.net, Klaus x original female character) by rocket-queen98;

Stats: Originals, M, English, Romance & Angst, chapters: 16, words: 59k+, favs: 1k+, follows: 1k+, updated: May 6, 2023 published: Aug 13, 2016, [Klaus M., OC] Elijah M., Hope M.

Summary;

Lola is one of the most adorable mc I've read. She is human and around nineteen, if I remember correctly, and just a sweet girl and adorable. She's introduced into the supernatural world thanks to baby Hope, who is just the cutest, due to her needing a mother figure now that Hayley wasn't present in her life thanks to the curse placed on her.

Her relationship with Hope is my favorite part of the whole fanfic. She doesn't suddenly turn into her mother, she doesn't intend to either, but rather becomes her best friend and Klaus and her develop a bond thanks to this. The way father and daughter interact is so heartwarming too, the subtle hints of them being werewolves, and seeing a main character having a good relationship with her father for once is a good turn, especially in tvd fanfics.

It's clear Klaus and Lola have something going on, even if they won't admit out loud, but for some reason the people around them give the impression they don't actually want them to date. There is implications something more fucked up than usual is going on with Klaus and his relationships, and I'm pretty sure him and Cami were a thing in this fic too. Surprisingly, Hayley and Cami aren't turned into absolute bitches, but there is Jackson bashing though.

The Girl in the Forest (fanfiction.net, Klaus x original female character) by noblecrescent;

Stats: Originals, T, English, Mystery & Romance, chapters: 30, words: 311k+, favs: 232, follows: 176, updated: Feb 19, 2017 published: Jan 23, 2016, [Klaus M., OC] [Elijah M., Camille O'Connell]

Summary;

This fanfic is a tetralogy of books set in The Originals, I read those fanfics a while ago so forgive me for any mistake. Maleny is a witch who was cursed, if I remember correctly, and was constantly body-jumping every short time.

In one of her lives, she met Klaus and they fell in love, but she died, if I'm not wrong, and they end up meeting again in New Orleans time later where he has a child on the way and a kingdom to conquer.

I can't remember a lot more without giving you spoilers, but it's worth checking it out!

Now, I'll give no more summaries because I honestly don't remember a lot of the next fanfics, but it's your choice if you want to read them;

A Veil Between Love and Hate (fanfiction.net, Klaus x original female character) by MandalorianHybrid;

Stats: Originals, T, English, chapters: 57, words: 200k+, favs: 609, follows: 359, updated: Sep 15, 2019 published: Jan 30, 2014, [Klaus M., OC]

Summary; Another five books set in The Vampire Diaries, with a story that eventually moves to The Originals.

Allure (wattpad, Klaus x oc x Stefan) by @viavolterra;

Stats: 575k Readings, 20,5k Votes, 34 Chapters

Summary;

I just could not not recommend this fanfic. Mia comes to Mystic Falls to seek revenge after Damon kills her best friend Lexi, but she of course gets dragged by the problems in that little town.

The thing I like the most about Via's story is how there is no cliché: no bashing towards Tyler or Elena, Mia actually befriends them, Bonnie gets the recognition and love she deserves, Klaus doesn't suddenly turn into a different person just because he loves the oc, he continues to be a piece of shit, and how sweet and empathetic she is, not like those reused badass mc who are just rude.

I would recommend some more, but it's kinda hard to find fanfics with a good Klaus depiction. I'm pretty sure I left out a lot of amazing fanfics, though.

[firthbetterorfirthworse]

Pride & Prejudice: A New Musical (2020)

god help me, I am on my knees

I adored this. It was a delight. Did they change things? Of course, once again proving that my heart is a fickle creature; changing things is terrible and insulting unless of course, I happen to like the change, in which case it is unique and commendable and wonderful.

Occasionally I come across a show that makes me wish I was rich enough to fund a vanity project solely so I can perform in it, and this was one of those.

In the US, this is currently on Tubi which is a free service and I am extremely grateful for it.

Mary and Jane are given lines that make us laugh for very different reasons, in character, which I adore. For instance, Mary is the one who announces where each scene is taking place, and gets more annoyed that it's her job as the show goes on.

There's an adorable duet with Bingley and Jane about the things they would say, if they weren't so shy. This Bingley is so shy he becomes tongue-tied, which is not the usual depiction of gregarious Bingley but I feel is still true to the heart of Bingley's character.

Caroline gives the best sign-offs to her letters, "yours ever, Caroline Bingleyyyyyyyy" in the flattest affect possible. It's passive aggressive and beautiful.

The banter between Darcy and Elizabeth is at Netherfield is so quick, which I really appreciate - makes it seem more like a quarrel, and leads to this beautiful perfect moment that is what introduced me to the show. If all you watch of it is this 20 seconds, it's worth it:

Darcy's songs are more of a pop vibe than I would have expected, but Justin Mortelliti rocks it so well I love it anyway.

There's a fantastic Collins song where all the Bennet ladies are lined up and he's singing about picking who will have the honor of his hand, and the Bennets are singing a counterpoint that is essentially oh please no don't pick me. And Elizabeth gets a fun, fairly comedic refusal song.

Lady Catherine gets a surprisingly almost jazzy song, with a chorus of servants talking about how grateful they are for her advice. At one point she makes a rebuttal and Darcy guffaws loudly until he abruptly slaps his hand over his mouth.

If you don't know the rules of musical theatre, when the emotion becomes too much for words, song breaks out, which means Elizabeth starts singing during her refusal of the proposal scene (love). This Darcy actually opens his mouth to defend himself, but Elizabeth refuses to listen. Leading to an amazing line in the next scene "I've written you a letter - since clearly I found 'speaking' far too challenging." (Also, the bitter Darcy song after her rejection? yes please. Fuckin' Broadway tenors and their ridiculous range, man, sure just pop those high notes and make my soul thrill that's fine I didn't need to have equilibrium today)

Jane has a beautiful song and reprise about how she's definitely not going to think about Bingley any more.

Cute scene where they run into each other at Pemberley. This Darcy spies Elizabeth and sneaks up on her, which is fun.

Did I become immediately obsessed with Darcy's song "The World She Lives In" where Darcy sings about how he's a better man because of Elizabeth, and listen to it on repeat? Yes, yes I did.

There's a fantastic song about being ruined that really captures the despair a lot of movies can't.

When Bingley and Darcy return to Longbourn at the end, Bingley is so shy he can't speak. He sings about what he would say, but in reality says nothing. It's comedic and wonderful.

And the writers love us - they really love us! - they gave us a scene of Darcy rehearsing what he's going to say to Elizabeth and despairing at his inability to speak in her presence: "Miss Bennet, how good it is to see you again...........and after that I'm blank. Maddening."

Of course it's all happily ever after and I may or may not have watched it twice before even posting this. And then someone showed me a list of other P&P musicals, which I will now be watching ALL OF because I love both of those things and them converging delight me beyond reason.

Anyway. Go watch it. Just watching this made up for watching all those hallmark movies. Joy.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Goofing Off

Pairing: Jared Padalecki x Puerto Rican!Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~900

Warnings: fluff

Request by anon: Hola so i was watching the episode where Arthur is talking with the Winchester about the chupacabras so can i request a one shot where the reader is a actress a Jensen or Jared girlfriend who is Puerto Rican and is the one who is teaching David (Arthur actor) who to said Chupacabras?  With a lot of funny

Summary: You love pulling pranks and making people laugh. Whenever someone new comes onto the show, you make your mission to pull as many pranks as you can on them.

Square Filled: woke up married (2020) for @spnfluffbingo

Author’s Note: i didn't really go into the details of a reader that is puerto rican because i didn't want to get anything wrong, so i tried to keep it really vague here.

x

Out of all of the seasons you’ve worked on, your favorite has to be the current one: season twelve. One of the newest cast members, David Haydn-Jones, has been such an incredible addition to the show even if his character isn’t well-liked. Recently, David loves to have fun and joke around, and you just so happen to be one of the best pranksters on set.

Even before you met Jared, you were always looking to make your family smile and laugh with small pranks that didn’t do any harm to anyone. Jared happened to like that about you when you started dating, and it only got worse the more time went on.

The very first prank you ever pulled on Jared was putting a bunch of Ken Dolls on your car and calling him to tell him that there were men on your car and you were scared. He came out with a towel on his head like how a woman would wrap her hair after a shower and your bathrobe on. It was so funny you almost peed your pants.

The longer you two dated, the more he got into your pranks. Now, he almost expects them whenever he comes home from a long day of filming or doing a convention. Then, you two got married, and the first thing you did when you woke up as a married woman was pull a prank on him.

His life would never be boring from that on, and would always be filled with laughter and joy.

He got you a part on Supernatural for a few years now which you have loved doing. Being around Jensen, Jared, and Misha have been nothing short of amazing. Your pranks actually doubled in size when you teamed up with Jensen to take on Jared or Misha.

The newest person to suffer your wrath is David who plays Arthur Ketch on the show. He is more of a serious actor than the ones you usually work with but after a while, he got used to your pranks and lightened up a lot more.

Jensen and Jared are finishing up a scene while you and David are off to the side going over your plan. The plan is that you told David you two were going to get Jensen and Jared when in reality, you were turning the tables so that Jensen and Jared are going to get David.

“I got it, I got it,” he nods.

“Okay,” you smile.

David walks on set when he is needed, and the scene with Ketch, Sam, and Dean is ready to be put into motion.

Sam and Dean are seated in the Bunker’s library and Sam calls Mick over the phone to which Ketch answers.

“Hello, Winchester,” David says in his posh Ketch accent.

“Ketch? Where’s Mick?” Dean asks.

“He didn’t tell you? He flew back to London last night after all the unpleasantness with Dagon. Well, Mick has a lot to answer for. For the time being, you will report to me.”

“Seriously?” Dean rolls his eyes.

“I don’t like it any more than you do. I’d much rather be with your mother… hunting… for Chupacabras in Texas.”

It’s the way he said Chupacabras that has everyone confused. You know how to say it very well since you have the accent for it, but you told David how to say it the American way which Jensen and Jared picked up on easily.

“A what, Ketch?” Jared asks, still in character.

“Chupacabra.”

“What was that?”

“Chupacabra,” Jensen says in a deep voice while rolling his R’s.

Jared snickers but tries to stay in character. He takes out his phone and makes Google pronounce the word, and the entire crew starts laughing.

“Chupacabra,” Jensen says again.

“Chupacabra,” Jensen tries again, rolling his R’s.

“Chupacabra,” David says in the same accent as before.

Jensen looks at the phone weirdly as if David is right there in front of him.

“He doesn’t know how to say Chupacabra,” Jared says.

Jared plays the Google pronunciation of the word again loudly.

“Chupacabra,” David says.

“It’s like a brrra,” Jensen rolls his R’s. “Then Chupa. So it’s like Chupa, chupa, chupa--”

“Chupacabra,” David says over the phone in the same tone he’s been in since the scene started.

He’s trying so hard not to break character even though Jensen and Jared have already done so. You’re going to pee your pants from laughing so hard.

“Chupacabra,” Jensen rolls his R’s with a bit of an accent.

At this point, Jensen and Jared start talking gibberish and rolling their R’s and just having a good time while David is trying to stay in character. You can see him scrunch his nose up as if it itches, but that’s a ploy to hide the smile trying to break through.

“Chupacabra,” Davis says, causing Jared and Jensen to break out in giggles. “I don’t like it any more than you do but for now, I’m what you’ve got. So, Wisconsin…”

David can hear everyone laughing through the phone as he tries so hard to stay in character.

“Ketch? What was that?” Jared giggles. “He doesn’t know how to say Chupacabra.”

David hangs up the phone just as the director calls, “CUT!” David breaks out into laughter and looks right at you who can’t hold it in anymore.

“I’m not trusting you ever again!”

God, you love working on this show.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[watermelonsugacry]

Hey! Hope everything’s going good! Was thinking if bandmember did anything like the vanity fair Billie eilish videos when they watch back all those interviews. Would love to see how far our girl has come

YN YLN: Same Interview, The Sixth Year | Vanity Fair

A/N: Christmas break is coming up so been busy but I also have some stuff coming out soon for your lovies! 💚

SINCE 2010 masterlist

“Year six, baby,” YN smirks at the camera. “Alright—” She pulls on the tops of her pink sheer opera gloves that match her pink corset before clapping her hands together. “—Let’s do this. ‘Ello, m’name is YN YLN. Today’s date is October 18, 2022.”

How old are you?

“I’m 23 years old.”

“I’m 24.”

“25.”

“26.”

“27.”

“M’28 years old,” YN kisses her teeth. “M’pushing 30, mate.”

How many followers do you have on Instagram?

“I have 573K followers on Instagram.”

“8.7M.”

“60.9M.”

“94.8M.”

“106M.”

“I currently have 287 million followers on Instagram. Dunno why I have so many; I make a lot of shit posts.”

What is your most liked picture on Instagram?

2017:

“My most liked picture is one of me and the boys huddled up backstage after our last performance together with 654K likes.”

2019:

“It is a picture of me in my home recording studio with about 5 million likes.”

2022:

“It’s currently one of me photo dumps on tour. The first picture on that one is a selfie with Harry taking a bite out of m’cheek. This one has 60,036,819 likes. Which is way too many likes if m’being honest.”

How are you feeling today?

2022:

“M’feeling really good. I always look forward to these interviews. I try me best not to look at the old videos more than once so that I can best prepare meself for my current answers, yeh know? But I love that I get to do this every year. There’s a lot of like, time lapse compilation videos on meself on YouTube that show off how far I’ve come over the years but these I feel are the least cringy ones,” YN lets out a laugh.

Biggest thing to happen in your career?

2021:

“I won a Grammy for producer of the year?” YN furrows her eyebrows as she juts her chin out. “Wha’ is life? That’s insane. The highlight of me career. Hands down.”

2022:

“It’s still the highlight of me career. And I got nominated for it again for Grammys 2023. To even be nominated and be the only woman in this category a second year in a row is just super fookin’ wild. Um...I got seven other Grammy nominations for next year. I’m also on tour again—a world tour—and it’s definitely me favorite thing to do aside from making the actual music. Harry’s new album that we’ve been workin’ on for over the past two-ish years finally came out earlier this year. I’m dropping me third album before the year is up. So many good things have happened this year that it’s honestly too long to list.”

How often do you get recognized in public?

2017:

“Pretty often,” She nods her head, a chuckle pushing past her lips. “It’s pretty hard to just go out and grab a bite to eat without getting surrounded.”

2020:

“Public? Who is she? I dunno her,” YN teases. “It’s pretty rare that I’ll go out nowadays and the masks only help so much with trying to be lowkey on the street on stuff like tha’.”

2022:

“I have to admit, v’gotten a lot better at being discreet when going out in public,” She nods her head with a knowing smile. “I think I was just so used to not being ‘allowed’ to go outside or if I did I wouldn’t enjoy meself because I knew I was gonna get recognized by paps. It was really hard for baby YN there because of how everything started. Everything I did was in the public eye and no matta’ what I did, me fans always knew where I was at all times it seemed,” YN hums. 

“I love me fans and I love the times when we happen to see each other on the street, we can have like a genuine conversation instead of shoving yeh phone in me face and putting yeh hands on me without me permission. I’ve had the most amazing conversations with fans like tha’ those moments are super special to me.

But in all honesty, they need to get hired by the FBI or somethin’. Knowin’ where m’gonna be before I even do,” She huffs out a chuckle.

What’s most important to you right now?

2020:

“The relationships within me life. I think this year has really made me recognize that. Whether those relationships are with me mum, me boyfriend, me tour team, me dancers, the fans—they’re all super important to me. Makin’ sure that we’re all safe and healthy—mentally and physically—now more than ever.”

  2022:

“All of which are still very important to me. I think v’also learned to stay in touch with me emotions. I think in an industry like this, it can be very easy to just put on a mask or passively go through events to maintain an image. If I’m doing something—wether it be somethin’ major or not, I want to allow m’self to be in the moment.

I did a show recently in Austin and...” The crease between her eyebrows disappear and smile etches itself on her lips at the memory, “I was singing POV and I just stopped singing and the crowd took over. I quite literally just stood there, took out me earpieces and just listened to a stadium full of people sing my song back to me. It made me feel so...it made me feel really good, really happy.”

Do you feel pressure?

2017:

“I do yeah,” YN nods with a sincere furrow of her eyebrows. “But I have been feeling pressure for the majority of my career so I’m mostly used to it by now; It doesn't bother me as much anymore.”

2022:

“Of my fookin’ word,” She throws her head back. “I can’t even—like even the way I spoke, man. Can yeh hear that? Like, I was still in the mindset of having to change the way I talk, tweak me accent and act all prim and proper,” YN points a finger into her mouth as she sticks out her tongue.

“And what a lie. Like of course that pressure bothered me still! I was fresh into the hiatus, just dropped me first solo album, about to do a world tour by meself for the first time. I was dealin’ with so much that I remember the pressure of everything was just...it felt that I was gonna be squished into a pancake. Being in the band and being as big as we were, there was an immense amount of pressure for everything to keep going well; everything seemed like it had to get bigger and bigger and if I didn’t live up to that standard as a solo artist, it was the end of the world to me.”

“I do still feel some pressure but definitely not to that extent anymore. It’s more of like, a good pressure, I’d say. It keeps me from resting on me laurels and it makes me continue to work hard to improve meself. Like, just because I won an award for produce of the year doesn’t mean that m’gonna let it get to me head and just not work to better meself in that craft. 

But I have to admit that a lot of that pressure has been lifted off of me from me fans. They’ve just continued to give me their unconditional love and support—whether it be for a year, 2 years, 12 years—m’just super grateful that they just allow me to be me, flaws and all.”

What did you eat today?

2020:

“I ate some grilled chicken—that I made all by myself—with a side of some beans,” YN giggles as she knows by now that the fans have been having a laugh about her boyfriend’s baked beans comment over interviews in quarantine.

2021:

“I had a chicken caesar salad bowl that I probably put way too much dressing on to be considered healthy anymore,” She chuckles, playing with the chunky chain sitting on her collarbones.

2022:

“I actually had an amazing chicken wrap this morning. Just the right amount of protein and yumminess,” She pats her tummy with a content smile. “Yeh girl likes chicken, what can I say?”

Are you aware of people when you're playing?

2019:

“I think so yeah. It’s crazy because for me, it’s scarier to play in front of 6 people than 60 thousand people. But on the other hand, the noisiness of big crowds is super calming to me. I can’t really explain how. Like right before m’gonna go on stage, I like to take out me ear-pieces and just listen to them scream...which now makes me sound like a serial killer of summ’wat,” YN’s shoulders bunch up to her ears as she giggles.

2022:

“I would say that m’more aware of the audience members now more than I ever have before. This current tour that m’on is probably the funnest tour so far and it’s really because of the fans. When m’on stage and when I’m performing, I make sure to look at the people in the audience, yeh know? Like, I can still remember when the band did our first stadium tour, I honestly couldn’t see anything; they were all just blurbed together. 

But with this tour, I make sure to take the time during the show to talk with fans. And I make an effort to sing to them and look at them dancing in the pit, the outfits they recreate, the way some of them are just closing their eyes and just being in the moment. As a musician, to see people come to me show and to see how they create this environment where everyone can have fun and let loose and just have a good time is just super amazin’. It’s a really indescribable feeling.”

Are you more confident this year compared to last year?

2018:

“From last year to now? 100%,” She answers with ease, leaning back into her seat. “I think this is the most confident I’ve ever felt, I think. M’not too worried about what people are sayin’ about me because let’s face it, they are always saying something. So if yeh like me, cool. If yeh don’t, cool.”

2022:

“She’s not wrong. 2018 YN’s ego was pretty up there. Granted, me ego is still growing and sensitive so—” YN shamelessly shrugs and puts her hands up in defense. “—Take tha’ as you will. But I definitely feel more confident and secure in who I am as a person and as an artist. When the boys and I went our separate ways musically, I had a hard time sort of, figuring out what I like and the kind of music I wanted to make for meself. Even the way I thought about fashion, I knew people saw me in skirts and things like that but I remember entertaining the idea of if I wanted to continue that as a security blanket of sorts. 

When I was in the band, I took things with a grain of salt and m’very happy that I’ve kept that with me.” 

Biggest rumor about you?

2017:

“That I’ve slept with each of the 1D boys,” YN lets out a nervous laugh. “Which is gross because they’re all like my brothers.”

2018:

“Where do I even begin?” YN blows out a raspberry. “I’ve been gettin’ this one for literally years now but that m’dating my old bandmate, Harry—which is getting really old at this point,” She scrunches up her nose with a roll of her eyes.

2022:

YN bursts out laughing as she watches her old self answer, knowing full well that during that time period she was in the midst of her on-and-off relationship with Harry. 

She tilts her head to the side with a quick raise of her eyebrows, “I mean, she’s not wrong. V’been getting that question/comment asked since we were on the XFactor. And believe it or not, I still get asked that question. I just answer it differently now,” She cheekily brings her shoulder to her chin.

What do you hate being asked?

2018:

“That. The ‘who are you dating?’ question. For a long time, I just had to suck it up and just answer the question but I don’t have to answer if I don’t want to, y’know? Also, I’m my own person,” She begins to list things off of her fingers, “I’m not someone’s arm candy, m’not so-and-so’s new girl. I’m YN YLN and if all you ask me is if I’m dating anyone rather than me music, you don’t deserve my time.”

2022:

YN drops her jaw and the corners of her lips tug up in a smile.

“A feisty little thing she is,” She chuckles. “But no truer words have ever escaped me mouth. She’s right, and I still stand by that. 100%. My career is not based around a guy or who m’dating. That’s not to say I hate talking about Harry—I love to talk about him but don’t make it the whole point of the interview, yeh know?”

Craziest fan moment?

2021:

“Me first show back on tour after being held back in 2020 was really heartwarming. It a stadium show—not intimidating at all for me first show back—” YN sarcastically comments. “—so there were three levels of seating: the pit, the middle section, and then the top. While I was singing, the audience did a fan project where on the top section held up lights to read welcome back, and then the middle said we missed you, and the pit held up pieces of paper saying we love you. M’not even gonna lie, I was bawlin’ me eyes out. Like, just thinking of the amount of work that went into that...” She shakes her head in disbelief. 

2022:

“I did a show last week in LA and at the barricade, I saw this lineup of these 5 girls wearing my current and past tour outfits. I have seen some really good recreation of me fits before and it was honestly like a copy and paste, I was so shocked. After talking with them for a bit—now I don’t ever do this—but I invited them to come up on stage with me,” YN laughs. 

“I suggested we ditch the choreography for Kiss Me More but they insisted they knew it and sure enough,” YN throws her hands with another laugh. “I almost hired them on the spot!”

Do you have a boyfriend?

2017:

“Um, no. I do not have a boyfriend. I’m just really focused on my music at the moment. That’s my boyfriend,” She lets out a chuckle.

2020:

YN playfully rolls her eyes and throws her hands up, “Well I’d be the biggest liar in the world if I said no.”

She huffs out a giggle as she refers to the entire world finding out about her secret relationship with Harry on New Years Eve of that year.

2021:

“I do have a boyfriend,” She smirks at the camera with a shrug of her shoulder, leaving it at that.

2022:

YN takes a second longer to answer this question and stares at the laptop screen with a fond smile. She technically doesn’t have a boyfriend anymore, but will she let them know that? Nope.

“Well, you’d all be happy to know that Harry and I are still very much together. Still got that boy locked down, ladies,” She playfully winks at the camera with a click of her tongue. 

What makes you happy in a relationship?

2022:

“I like quality time. From staying inside 24/7 in 2020 to easing back into my busy schedule made H and I realize that it was important to set some time aside for ourselves, just the two of us. Like, we don’t even have to be talking just as long as we’re together during the business of it all. And...” A smirk grows on her lips, “One of me love languages is physical touch. It definitely wasn't on the list before so you can probably guess who made me this way but yeah. And music, of course, that’s me main form of love language. Whether we’re listening to good music, making it, singing it—anything to do with it m‘in love.”

Describe your style in 3 words.

2017:

“Figuring it out.”

2018:

“No more skirts,” The 24-year-old rolls her eyes.

2019:

“Whatever is comfy,” She laughs as she wraps her light green cardigan tighter over herself.

2020:

“Trying new things.”

2021:

“Trousers and blazers.”

2022:

She tilts her head as she bites her lip, looking up as she thinks about how to compactly frame her style now. As she says the next three words, she holds up her hand to count it off on her fingers, “Pretty in pink. And 2018 YN was a lie. I still fancy a skirt every now and then.”

Biggest thing you’re struggling with?

2019:

“I think, just being honest with meself in terms of how I feel. I think I struggle a lot with allowing meself to feel the way I feel about certain things,” Or about a certain someone. “And that it's okay to feel those things. I know, super detailed,” She chuckles.

2022:

“Yeah, 2019 YN was certainly going through some personal issues. S’crazy to look back at these videos and remember wha’ I was feelin’ during that time. S’pretty crazy. I can say that v’grown immensely from that time of my life which is very comforting to know. It’s still hard for me, don’t get me wrong, but allowing myself to feel things like love or sadness or happiness is something that I’m subconsciously reminding myself to do. 

I think the biggest thing that m’stuggling now with is to have check ins with meself. It’s safe to say that m’back to my busy, hectic, never-ending schedule so I want to take a breather every now and then. It can be a whole day, a whole 20 minutes, just a pause to check in with my mind, me body, me spirt to make sure m’okay and then be off to a career that I love very dearly.”

What advice would you give your future self?

2017:

“Have some fun and enjoy this new chapter that you’re venturing onto,” She nods with a smile.

2019:

“I would say to allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. Step out of your comfort zone and take that leap of faith.”

2022:

“What a genetic piece of advice for that first year, eh?” YN chuckles with a smirk, “Enjoy this new chapter you're venturing onto like yeh can hear how professional I wanted to sound,” She playfully rolls her eyes with a sigh. “I would say that 2019 YN’s advice is a good one though. It’s a good reminder to not play things safe all the time. As a narcissist, I want everything to be perfect, especially me music, so to be in the studio and not fall back to me old habits of what I think sounds good, try something different, yeh know? I like that a lot, actually.”

This is my mum...

2017:

“Everyone, say hello to Penny,” YN proudly presents as her stepmum comes up to her side, placing a hand on the back of her chair as she waves at the camera.

“‘Ello, lovelies,” Penny beams.

2018:

“Penny!” YN smiles brightly. When she wiggles her fingers towards her stepmum the sound of her rings clinking together can be heard.

When Penny walks up to her stepdaughter’s side, she puts her hands on top of YN’s red leather jacket to give her shoulders a squeeze.

“Hi baby,” Her stepmum gives a warm smile and gently presses her chin to YN’s temple.

2019:

Penny tucks her long, black hair behind her ears before wrapping her arms around her stepdaughter’s shoulders. 

“I love you, my baby,” She says into her hair before planting a kiss on her head.

“I love youuu so much,” YN sings as she holds onto her stepmum’s forearms over her chest.

2020:

“Y’already know what time it is,” YN dances in her seat, her arms already extended out by her side. She lets out a laugh as she watches Penny shimmy her way to her stepdaughter’s side. The tight high waisted jeans show off her curvy, fit figure and a mask covers the lower half of her face.

“It’s Penny time,” Her stepmum throws finger guns at the camera.

2021:

“Come over ‘ere, mum,” YN nods her head over to Penny. Once she’s close enough, she takes a hold of her stepmum’s hand and pulls her over for her to sit on her lap, wrapping her arms over her torso, “Love you.”

“I love you more, baby,” Penny smiles as she leans her head back to rest beside YN’s. 

2022:

“This is me mumma,” YN smiles warmly before cooing out a chuckle. “Wha’ happened?” She questions when she sees Penny walk over to her side with glossy eyes.

“Sorry, m’sorry,” She chuckles, dabbing her under eyes with the sides of her index fingers. “S’just really fookin’ cool to see how far you’ve come. Like look at her—” Penny points to the laptop screen that has 2017 YN on display. “—me lil’ baby.”

“Mum!” YN laughs when Penny wraps her arms around her daughter’s head and pulls it to her chest.

Taglist:

@wobblymug @be-with-me-so-happily @ashtongivesmebutterflies @kiwiskiwiskiwi @darlingdesire @obsesseddd @hopefulwastelandcreation @cacapeepee @breezie-b00 @harrysfolklore @theekyliepage @sunshinemoonsposts @nervousspiderling @tbslonelyhes @tenaciousperfectionunknown @harrystylesrecs @certified-nalayak @itsjustsel @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @gviosca @behindmygreyeyes @twobluejeans @allisonxmcu @theemeraldbutterfly @jean-love @marvellover-sam @b-reads-things @reveriehs @rach2602 @thurhomish @perrypughstyles @luvonstyles @mxltifxnd0m @teamspideyman @c00chiemonster @juiceboxrry @s8tellite @folklorehrry @illicithallways @claramllera @eunoiaax @hoya122 @nichmedder @sleutherclaw @gloriousmoneyrascalbiscuit @harianaswhore @teawithcyb0rgs @vrittivsanghavi @vc55bughead @futuristiccroissantlampsludge @onecrazydirectioner @valluvsu @itsgabbysblog @awkwardbisexuall @rosehel @sucker4angstt @isalove @diorchives @mrshiddlestyles02

[tacoma-narrows]

Twenty (Three!) Years of Humanistic!

Abandoned Pools' first album, Humanistic was released 23 years ago today, on September 25th, 2001! For anyone who doesn't know, Abandoned Pools is my all time favorite band! I found them through Clone High in September of 2020 and immediately connected with a LOT of their songs, and in that time, Humanistic became my all time favorite album! A spot that it still retains to this day hehe.

So when I found out that the following year, almost a year to the day from when I started listening to Abandoned Pools, was Humanistic's 20th anniversary, I knew I wanted to make something big for that occasion! I ended up making a drawing based on each song in the album! This is similar to what I did for Owl City's album Cinematic later on, which I posted last year.

This is also sort of a look at proto Let's Get Back! in a way! I made this when LGB! was still just a duo act with PB and Shep, since Rye and Pumpernickel didn't join the lineup until I was about halfway through the project, and the band wasn't officially named Let's Get Back! until February of 2022 lol. The cover image here is based on the actual album cover for Humanistic, and I edited later to say "Covers by Let's Get Back!" to make it consistent with the rest of my LGB! art :3

Each piece in the series is below the cut along with the song they're connected to and some explanation about each one. Again, these pieces are three years old at this point, so some of the art is a bit wonky looking and some of these piece I'd do differently if I were to do them today, but most of them still hold up pretty well I think! :D

1: The Remedy

I based this one on the line “save your breath, your soul is hollow” and wanted to do something simplistic but still interesting! According to my friend who also likes the song, this is “exactly how that song feels” lol. It was fun working with silhouettes here, which is something I've done here and there in the time since.

2: Mercy Kiss

I decided to not actually draw them kissing bc the song says “I don’t need your mercy kiss” haha. Wanted to capture sort of a defiant attitude for this one. Posing is a little off here, and I've tweaked some minor things abt their design but overall one that I'm still pretty happy with :]

3: Start Over

I was SUPER happy with the posing on this one, I love the sense of motion it has. Basically, I wanted to express being stuck in a cycle and just wanting to go back to the way things were, which was something I was REALLY feeling at the time, but is still sort of applicable today.

4: Monster

Another one I REALLY like, with this one, I wanted to show that I can be a force to be reckoned with when standing up for myself. Or at least that’s how the song makes me feel. It’s a good rampage song too. This is another case where I really like how the pose came out. As you can also see, this is the only piece without PB since I wasn't sure how to incorporate him into this idea, but I’m sure he’s still involved somehow lol. Also this is the best song called Monster, I do not take criticism at this time.

5: Blood

Blood always feels like a sort of gloomy, spiral-y type song, so that’s what I went for. The line “we watch it burn, and we never learn, this can’t be what you’re waiting for” was really the focus for this one. A neat vibe with this one overall I think that I'm pretty happy with.

6: Suburban Muse

Suburban Muse makes me think of like, a fake sitcom town where things look normal, but things aren’t as great as they seem if you look a little closer. It even says “cue the canned applause” at one point. Also, those sort of, weird reality dreamscape neighborhood liminal space images like this where you can see where it's coming from but they just feel, off y'know

7: Sunny Day

This one is kinda weird because Sunny Day is kinda weird (though in like the best possible way, I love it). I couldn’t quite come up with a solid idea for both my OCs here, so I based them on two separate lines: “my head is inside a cloud” for PB, and “get off the bathroom floor” for Shep. In hindsight, I don't think the two separate lines approach really worked here since it feels more disjointed and not really representative of the full song, but I still like it well enough.

8: L.V.B.D.

This one was hard to come up with something for. I’ve never been super crazy abt L.V.B.D. since it feels, Very Hetero™ and I’m not about that. But it’s still sounds great and I’m definitely super glad it’s part of the album. Went for drawing Shep and PB here as little stuffed dolls, which is related to the acronym in the song’s title (which stands for Little Virgin Baby Doll) and I couldn’t think of anything better aha. I should draw plushies more often though

9: Ruin Your Life

Important: Shep and PB are only upset with upset with each other for the sake of this drawing, as I refuse to let anything bad happen between them for real. Anyways, the expressions were really fun in this one, and oh boy does this song feel very relatable over the last year or so.

10: Never

This one is very similar to Ruin Your Life for me, where it’s a sort of comforting during a dark time kind of way. Just crossing the days off hoping that things will get better soon, that’s what I went for here. The calendar is listed as 10/12 since this is the 10th song out of the 12 on the album, and the image is a reference to a previous drawing I had done of PB and Shep together :3

11: Seed

Personally, Seed is my least favorite song from the album as a whole, for similar reasons to L.V.B.D. but in a, more gross kinda way that conflicts with my ace side. The song still sounds great musically for sure. Even tho I’m not super crazy abt the song, I actually really like how this drawing came out, in fact it might be my favorite out of the whole batch, ironically enough lol. The boys are looking down into a hole from the line “there’s no more grace to fall from, there’s nowhere left to go but down” and I'm really happy with how the perspective turned out!

12: Fluorescein

Finally, Fluorescein is my favorite song of the entire album, and my favorite song in general! It’s so aggressive and loud, I love it. I decided to draw PB confronting a giant Shep bc the song makes me feel like I can take on a huge adversary and win >:] Although I do like what I chose to do here, I kinda wish I had come up with something better to represent my all time favorite song lol

So in conclusion, like I said, Humanistic is my all time favorite album and it means so much to me. Really all of AP’s work really means a lot to me, but Humanistic in particular. I found the band through watching Clone High and I am all the better for it. So thank you to Abandoned Pools for making something that I’ve gotten so much out of and I absolutely cannot wait for the sixth album coming at the end of next year!! :D

So I hope you guys liked this little trip down memory lane with me, and if you're also an enjoyer of Abandoned Pools, please let me know what you think of these and what your favorite AP songs are! I'd love to know! And if you don't listen to Abandoned Pools, I highly recommend their music if you can't tell lol. If you enjoy early 2000s alt rock sort of stuff, there's a solid chance you'll enjoy Abandoned Pools :3

[parkminijiminie]

What is going on with Jimin, Jungkook and Jikook?

Warning: long post

I've been a BTS fan since early 2017. Back in the day, I ran this blog here, analyzing a lot of Jikook moments, but life sort of took over, and I stopped having the time for it. However, I never stopped being a fan and observing BTS and Jikook through the years. There's a lot said and written already about the supposed video of JK, but here are my two cents.

To me, the most logical explanation for that video is that this really is Jungkook. The layout of the apartment matches (yes, even the position of the security system, if you have ever watched JKs lives, you'd know that it actually is at his shoulder height, just like in the video), the dog looks like Bam, the couch is the same and this definitely looks like JK. There's also another video of the man in this apartment, alone, shirtless, and having a whole tattoo sleeve on his right arm just like JK. Obviously, we don't know for sure, but it looks like it's him. People say it was filmed in late Feb, early March, and I agree. JK had the same hair then, the outfits look warm, like winter clothes and not to forget, that when JK was stalked in his gym (late of February) there were a lot of fuss about a girl being there with him, so it all checks out in my book.

Now, what the video shows isn't that scandalous. A boy hugging a girl from behind and them playfighting/tickling each other or whatever. It isn't overly explicit. It could mean a lot of things, but it's clear the people are at the very least physically comfortable with each other. It's a short video. We don't know if they're even alone, but it looks like it. There are a number of possibilities for whom this person is to JK: a long-time girlfriend, a casual hook-up, a one night stand, or just a friend.

We'll probably never know for sure. What we do know is that this is an unacceptable invasion of privacy, and the person who took those videos should be sued for all they are worth. I hope we all agree on that, yes?

Now, if this girl is someone JK is dating/has dated/has slept with, where does that leave his and JM's relationship?

In my eyes, as someone who's observed them for literal years now, there's no way JM and JK have always had a strictly platonic relationship. Too much just doesn't add up. Sure, technically, they could be bestest friends with great chemistry, but as someone who is now 30 years old, I don't think I've seen this type of chemistry between people ever be just platonic. At times, it looked too much like sexual tension for it to easily be dubbed as "friendly".

My theory is this (keep in mind these are still just assumptions):

In 2017-2020, pre-Covid era, JM and JK spent A LOT of time together, basically all of it. BTS were super active, they didn't have any breaks. They were always working. Always on tour and doing smth else. JM and JK were pretty young back then (20-24) and this is typically the time when someone discovers their sexuality and starts experimenting, and I believe that at some point they did this together. They were best friends but also had this weird tension and air around them and I think they could've started a physical relationship back then. The members teasing them hear and there about being a couple, also kind of supports this, though of course, it doesn't prove anything.

Contrary to other people, I don't belive they only just fucked. It's very hard to have sex with someone who you are very close to otherwise, who you love and admire as a person, and not catch romantic feelings for them, so I think they did more than fucking. Whether they had a serious relationship or decided not to label it much, due to MS coming up, the group being in jeopardy or other reasons, I tend to think that other than sex, they also had feelings.

Side note: In any case, they were figuring thinks out about themselves as individuals, as well as a pair. I think maybe this is the time JM realized he is definitely bisexual (which he proudly expressed in his photobook of last year in my opinion). Idk what Jk figured out for himself, if anything.

Anyhow, by 2020‐2021 it seemed they had some sort of agreement about what/who they were to each other. At times they could have been on and off. There might have been other people/partners in-between, but I think they were mainly together by this point. It even looked like they lived together for some time. The fact they always took the same car and they were together on JKs birthday night when they first had number 1 on hot 100 sort of proves it. JM's birthday live in 2021 was also sus af (the way he was blushing while mentioning JK and their whole convos, very sus).

I think before Covid they had smth somewhat stable but then Covid hit. Their schedules changed, it was a tough period overall. Suddenly, they were not working and traveling so much, they were staying in SK. I think this was the time things started getting much more real and different. MS was also in the near horizon. Maybe one of them wanted a more committed relationship, and the other wasn't ready. Maybe they were both afraid. Maybe they tried and it didn't really work out. Maybe one finally realized his sexuality and the other had doubs. Whatever it was, the feelings of affection were still there. Chemistry as well. Proof: JM bday live in 2021 was just crazy, the way he blushed when JK was mentioned and the way the spoke to each other... man. Also, the way the were at PTD L.A. The way JK answered questions about JM etc.

So , all that connected them as people was still there, but I think their relationship come late 2021-early 2022 was definitely more unstable. Who knows what happened then. Personally, I don't believe in the theory that they opened their relationship, rather I believe by the second half of 2022, due to whatever reasons, things were simple mostly off between them. I believe they stayed this way all through the second half of the year and at least the first 4 months of 2023. They were friends, their families still loved and supported each other (JK's mom made seaweed soup for JM's bday, which one does for family) but that's about it. They weren't living together anymore, as well.

The beginning of 2023 we saw a very busy JM and a very not busy JK. Sure, they still commented on their welives but it seemed they didn't meet each other that often. Jm was working, JK was at home and occasionally with Tae. Yeah, JK watched a lot of JM content and often invited him over, but he also didn't know when his promotions will be over and it seemed they haven't seen each other for some time and JK was missing JM. I think if they truly were a serious couple back then, they would still have found the time to meet each other no matter how busy one or the other was, especially considering they live in the same city, and it wasnt the case. I don't think JK would have to resort to watching hours of JM's content just to satisfy his need-for-JM thirst, if they were a couple back then.

So, yeah, I think they were not more than friends by this point, for sure, which also ties up pretty well with the timing of the recent leaked video (February-March). To me it seems that JK and JM probably saw other people in that period, at least JK, JM was pretty damn busy then. Maybe they had some serious partners even, maybe just hook-ups here and there. Maybe this was JK's time to explore more of his heterosexual side, who knows. I don't think he stopped caring for JM in some capacity. In fact it kind of looked like he longed for his company but for one reason or another, they were simply not that much in each other's lives in the first quarter of 2023.

But then something weird happened around June-July. First JM is all scratched up from something (presumably Bam) indicating he saw JK and spent time with him. Then Seven came out and JM flew to NY. There they spend a long, fun weekend amid promotions. It wasn't a secret but they seemed to want to keep private and didn't really want to talk about it , judging by the way JK answered the question about JM being in NY as well. JM was practically silent. Then they returned and that welive happened. The one where they openly flirted, JM said he could handle JK naked, JK blushed like a school girl and tried everything in his power to get to JM but JM said "I'm not that easy". That welive. Idk about you, but that welive didn't seem platonic to me at all and if I had been JK's partner at the time, I would definitely be very angry with his behaviour. I don't think JK is disrespectful and a cheater, and neither is JM for that matter, so I believe there's no way any of them had a partner when that welive happened. I simply refuse to belive they are that type of people.

So, my conclusion is they were both single then and something definitely happend in July and NY. They returned somewhat different and they still kind of are. Jk posted pics of NY to Twitter for the first time. Jm shared a pic from then for JKs bday (shirtless, as we all know) and then recently another pic from a boat that could have been from back then, as well. The whole way they're acting offline and online strangely reminds me a lot of the time after their trip to Tokyo, actually. The way JM has been posting about JK very much give me nostalgia about the way he used to post Jikook often in 2017-2018 before he withdrew from social media. But maybe that's just me 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, to finish this long post I will say this. I don't know what Jikook were and are to each other and unless, it is explicitly denied the person in the video is JK, I will believe that it's him. But also, unless it is confirmed he currently has a girlfriend, I will have my doubts. The video is old and in any case, it doesn't prove much other than the fact JK is maybe into women (solely or also into them). This video though doesn't automatically negate everything I've seen between Jikook through the years. In some ways, it confirms what I've been thinking for a long time now. Unless JM and JK personally shut down any rumors about them and deny any romantic connection or confirm a relationship with someone else , I still believe that at some point in their lived their relationship crossed the platonic line.

Whether that was in the past or is currently true, I only can guess, but to me there's no way these two were always, all these years, just only friends.

For now, I will observe how JK, JM and Hybe are acting after the leaked videos and go from there. It will also be indicative.

Peace.

[she-walked-away]

Tag Game Tuesday Monday: 911 Lone Star Fandom Edition

It took me nearly a week to get to it, but thanks Anne @thisbuildinghasfeelings for tagging me!!!

When did you first start watching Lone Star? Who or what introduced you to the show?

Funnily enough, I was watching the Super Bowl in 2020 and was folding laundry when they showed a promo from Lone Star and it was the part where they were talking to the old lady and I heard "Sure ma'am but just so you know I'm a homosexual" and I looked up because that was VERY random for a commercial to say and I the rest of the scene aired and I thought it was one of the best things I've ever seen lmao.

I actually did not start watching the show until 1x08 when TK got shot and I was HOOKED. I remember having to miss the season 1 finale to go to the grocery and checking my twitter account to see if Tarlos got together in the end ajkdhafdas

Which season is your favorite?

Season 3!

I'll never forget the EXPERIENCE that Push was. I was on a whole rollercoaster of emotions and I remember watching the TK waking up and Grace giving birth montage live and when it went off, my husband sitting behind me and very quietly going "whoa." We were both SHOOK. And then the proposal happened in 3x18 and I slunk off my couch because I was dying happily.

I think my rank is 3, 4 bc of the wedding and SOULMATES!!!, 2, and then 1. I really did like season 2 but you can tell Tim kind of bum rushed the ending dalkhdf

Who is your favorite character? (Bonus: If you answered TK or Carlos, who is your favorite besides them?)

TK and Carlos will always be number one and I cannot pick a favorite between them. They're both so complex and interesting.

I think my second favorite has got to be Tommy. She always just *fit* in the show better than Michelle and I think she's hilarious and smart and her friendship with Grace and Judd are my favorites. Plus, I love how she and Owen play off each other.

Top five episodes. Go!

Push - nothing will ever top this I'm afraid

Bad Call

Saving Grace

Red vs Blue- LET THEM HAVE FUNNY QUIRKY EPISODES LIKE THIS BUT MORE CARLOS

In Sickness and Health

If you could pick any character to be given a "begins" episode, who would it be and what would that episode look like?

After season 4- I kind of NEED a Carlos one. I always want one and I think we learned a lot about him last season, but 4x18 opened a lot more questions about his childhood for me. Especially since he genuinely doesn't seem to remember a lot of the good times with his dad and it makes me curious if there is some underlying reason why other than just distance as he grew up.

But also NANCY. What is her backstory?? Her dad told her to start saving when she was little and she has thousands of dollars that she can lend out?? I want to know if there is more to it! And how did she get her start? Was she with the original 126 paramedic squad?

What is a scenario or storyline that you would like to see in season 5?

Obviously Gabriel's murder being solved and it would be great if Tarlos did it TOGETHER. And if one of them is in dangerous peril at the same time in front of the other- would not complain. I'm all for a "being threated and stalked" kind of storyline- I was thinking of along the lines of The Watcher by @ladytessa74 I want to be scared!! And to watch them be scared and IN LOVE AND A TEAM

I saw this earlier, but an episode from like B-shifts POV. You know that Owen and the firefam respond to the most INSANE calls, so I want to see what B shift and Captain Harper's POV is towards A shift. I think it would be hilarious.

Also- give me some silliness within the Catan Crew. Like maybe someone gets a little TOO into a game and then we have an episode of them all pranking each other or a little funny divide- similar to 4x16, but without them actually fighting.

What do you think is going on in this still?

It's Ghost face from Scream asking Carlos what his favorite scary movies are

:)

I think it's either about Gabriel's murder or them finding out that Robert is dead. Rob Lowe said we'd see part of that day so I wonder if we will see the aftermath since I don't think Robert necessarily died within a week after the wedding.

We all know about the elusive 5x05 spicy scene that has been teased, so what is your prediction for how it could possibly top 1x02?

I think it could DEF be some *spicy* shower sex. If TK get's injured in 504, Carlos should help make him feel all nice and healed in the SHOWER

Where was the Tarlos honeymoon in your mind?

I think somewhere in Texas like Galveston. It's not too far away, but I think it's far enough to where TK and Carlos would feel okay leaving both their parents for a short trip. I headcanon that they spent A LOT of money on a quick 8 week wedding *cries in timeline* and so they'd have to save up for a bigger and longer honeymoon.

Shoutout one of your favorite fan creations.

I HAVE SO MANY SO I AM SO SORRY IF I FORGET TO MENTION. It's hard to me to count my favorite stories beacuse I think this fandom has so many. I usually put them on my kindle when I'm traveling so I can reread on a long road trip and read in between the Pluto TV commercials during my long treadmill runs.

I just found my password for Ao3 that i created in 2015 (i was a fanfiction.net OG and live journal girly lol really dating myself) so I am currently making my way through reviewing @welcometololaland's ALTA and I have so many other ones to review as well! @strandnreyes, @reyesstrand, @paperstorm, @carlos-in-glasses, @ladytessa74, @rmd-writes , @goodways, @heartstringsduet , @liminalmemories21 , @lemonlyman-dotcom and literally so many more. I love going back and rereading fics on my work breaks now I'm back from leave and now that I have my password back, I plan on continuing that!!

I love gifsets by @guardian-angle22, @lutavero, @reasonandfaithinharmony, and more!

Also Anne's @thisbuildinghasfeelings cross-stitch!! Literally SO FREAKING COOL.

If I forgot you, I am so sorry. But if you write or make art or anything else in this fandom- just know that I am obsessed with everything you do :) I've just been silently stalking this fandom since like 2020

[pascaloverx]

Sweet Love

Summary: You're an up-and-coming writer, congratulations. To protect your beloved job, you're willing to do anything. Even strike a deal with the devil, better known as your sister's neighbor. You and Dean Winchester don't really see eye to eye, but in a moment of desperation, you agree to collaborate with him for a greater good.

Author's Notes: Many characters do not belong to me but to the Supernatural Universe (2005-2020). I hope you enjoy the fanfic's story. The fanfic will contain strong language and adult content. Dear readers, I'm here to let you know that if you enjoy this fic, please engage with it. Comments and likes are welcome. I appreciate everyone who follows this fanfic. Anyway, enjoy this chapter.

chapter seven chapter nine

CHAPTER EIGHT

Anger is the only emotion you can feel. Anger at your sister for not telling you earlier that she had been with Dean. Anger at Dean for having been with your sister before being with you, even though he didn't know he would be with you. But more than anything, you're angry at yourself. For missing Dean terribly. And for being upset about something that happened a long time ago.

"Are you going to tell me why you're sulking? Is it because I'm already leaving and you're going to miss me?" your sister asks as she finishes packing her bags. She's leaving again. She stayed a few days to keep you company, and you tried your best not to show that you were upset, but every time you remembered that your boyfriend had been with your sister, it made you feel terrible.

"I'm in love with Dean. I didn't tell you before because I didn't want to ruin your time here. But since I'm terrible at pretending I'm not upset, I'll be honest. I'm in love with the man you had a fling with. The man you don't believe can truly love someone," you say, watching your sister's shocked expression. You can hardly believe what you just said yourself.

"I don't know what you expect me to say about this. I always thought you wouldn't be foolish enough to fall for Dean Winchester's charm," your sister says in the rudest tone possible. She seems angry. You laugh out loud at her reaction.

"I don't expect anything, after all, this is my life. I appreciate your care, and the fact that you welcomed me into your home for so long was incredible. I love you, but I can't let your bad experience with Dean dictate how I'm going to feel. I'm in love with him, and I don't know if he'll ever love me. If he'll want me for a long time, or if he'll give up on me. But I want to find out through my own experience," you say, looking at your sister, trying not to sound rude but asserting that your life is your own.

"You're making a mistake. But I'm your sister. That won't change, but I think you're going to get your heart broken by a man who doesn't deserve you," she says, still sounding angry, picking up her bag and heading towards the door.

"I'll move out as soon as possible so you won't have to watch me making mistakes," you say as she stands by the door, feeling a certain relief at finally being able to say it.

"I'll miss you here. But I hope that being away from Dean helps you see this is a disaster. Goodbye, sister," she says just before leaving. You stand there for a few minutes, unable to react, until you finally process that you've just declared your love for Dean. But for some reason, you don't go to Dean and tell him about it. You actually start packing your things.

A few hours pass until you hear someone knocking on the door. Your sister's apartment is surrounded by some moving boxes. You open the door and aren't surprised to see Dean with a mischievous smile.

"What do you want here?" You ask, watching his little smile disappear.

"I wanted to know if you're still my girlfriend. Because I'm still your boyfriend." Dean asks looking into your eyes. Dean's hand caressed your face as if he wanted you to see inside his eyes the sadness he is feeling.

"I was your girlfriend when you hid from me that you had already had a relationship with my sister. But I'm still your girlfriend." You talk a little too thick. You're resentful but you still love this idiot.

"I'm sorry I left that out. I thought you wouldn't want to get involved with me if you knew." Dean speaks while still close to you, almost as if he wants to kiss you.

"I need some time to think about what happened. My sister just told me that I'm making a mistake by letting myself be in love with you. I don't think she's right but I need to trust that you'll treat me better than you treated her and Castiel." You respond, bringing your face closer to his.

"Don't you miss me? Don't you miss what we have?" Dean asks with a poor face that almost breaks your heart. Before you answer, your lips and his meet. You give each other an almost desperate kiss, full of desire. You feel like you're letting him take care of you again. The kiss intensifies, as you feel your body go back, being guided by Dean. He holds your ass up, placing you sitting on the kitchen table. You can't even think before Dean continues devouring your lips. You start to take Dean's shirt off as he runs his hand over your breasts over your shirt. You moan as you kiss him, as you try to undo his belt so he can take off his pants. But while you almost have sex on your sister's kitchen table, she comes into your head. You start to question yourself if he's ever kissed your sister, how he's kissing you, if he thinks about her while he's with you. Images of them together come into your head and you can't stop wanting to kiss Dean anymore. Then you pull him away mid-kiss.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Dean asks worriedly, as you try to compose yourself by climbing down from the table.

“I can't. I can't kiss you like that, or even have sex with you while I don't know anything about how you felt about my sister. This relationship already has a ghost from its past called Castiel. My sister can't be a hindrance. Until I can get over this, you can consider yourself single. I don't want to tie you to me." You say feeling sad for saying that to him. You don't want to let him go but you can't date someone who makes you feel insufficient.

“I don't want to be fucking single. I want you. I want to date you. I don't want your sister or Castiel. I had a relationship with them but it didn't work out. Neither relationship. You're tearing me apart." He says sounding very upset. You approach him and kiss him. Like a goodbye kiss. At least for now.

"I like you, but I don't think it's fair for us to be together while I don't know if you're open to love. Maybe it's too much mistrust on my part, which makes this time in our relationship even more necessary." You wish you didn't distrust Dean, you wish you didn't imagine he likes someone else more than you. You wish you could tell him that you already love him. But now is not the time.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not going to give up on you. But if taking a break from the relationship is what you want. That's what we're going to do." Dean speaks and then leaves your sister's apartment carrying his shirt in his hands. He storms out and you are devastated. You wish you could run into his arms and tell him everything is going to be okay. But even you don't know that.

[absolutebl]

BL Streaming - Which Service is Worth Your Money?

I’m bored and I have a little extra time this morning so it’s time for ABL to play with the spreadsheet of doom. 

Occasionally I get the question: 

If I were to subscribe to only one platform for BL which should I pick? 

This post is dated May 2023. 

First things first. I am going to be (somewhat) objective about this and not judge on quality of content. Because if KinnPorsche is all you love in life, obvs you need iQIYI, but if you are a HIStory franchise stan, than it’s all about Viki. Those are your life choices, I’m just here to play numbers games, okay? 

Secondly, some shows air on multiple platforms, particularly Viki & Gaga, but sometimes it’s Gaga & YouTube, occasionally it’s even iQIYI + others. This has only started happening in the last few years. Bed Friend was on 3 different platforms (GaGa, iQIYI, YT) - even though it was originally announced for Viki! I honestly don’t know how to track this, so I tend to log the spreadsheet with my preferred watching platform for that language, this will throw the numbers off for those platforms. 

Since I join everything my platform preference choice is based on:  

the quality of the subs/captions   

the quality of the user experience  

My subs experience tends to be: 

YT = best for Thai

Viki = best for Korean and sometimes Japanese, okay for Thai

Gaga = best for Chinese and sometimes Japanese but very weak Thai subs

My user interface preference is: 

YT, Viki, Gaga in that order then everyone else with iQIYI at the bottom. This is because I watch on mobile devices. 

ASplay, WeTV, former Line, Amarin TV, Netflix and the other smaller suppliers (and apps) will all be grouped together for this assessment. Since they have so few offerings, by default I would not recommend subbing those platforms unless you are a hard stan of all BL with disposable income. 

Super bad BLs that I watched back in the day on grey sites or YT (pre 2020 crack down) because there were no other options and I am a completest are still listed as grey. I would never suggest anyone watch these shows anyway, so I don’t care if they have now shown up on legitimate sites. If they are somewhere, it’s likely Gaga. Which means Gaga’s percentage of the market share is probably UNDER reported by my numbers. 

Movies and cinema-only releases that never got international distribution fall into the “grey” category. If I got it off an indie subber, since that too is technically illegal, it falls into the grey category as well. 

Final note: This is from a USA based IP, I don’t use a VPN, so platforms assessments are from that perspective. 

Spring 2023, current state of the spreadsheet. AKA 

Our BL Data Set 

Total # of BLs = 564

# of BLs ongoing (so finished runtime is best guess) = 18 

Just Answer the Damn Question 

Round Number of Actual BLs - % of market share

YouTube = 218 - 38.6%

Gaga = 148 - 26.2% 

Viki = 77 - 13.7% 

Grey = 53 - 9.4% 

BLs I’ve never been able to find on any platform (including grey): 36 - 6.4% 

iQIYI = 14 - 2.5% 

Other platforms = 12 - 2.2% 

Margin of error: +- 1% (look I’m just not driven to be that accurate here)

Subscription Platforms Breakdown  - % of market share

Eliminating YouTube, Grey, and missing BLs. Viki is included because I do not know which of theirs are behind the paywall and which are not. 

Total subscribe-only BLs: 257 

Gaga = 59%

Viki = 30%

iQIYI = 6%

Sml sites/apps = 5%

(rounded) 

Okay but how about actual runtime? 

Gaga = 360 hrs - 44% 

Viki = 311 hrs - 38% 

iQIYI = 98 hrs - 12% 

Sml sites = 50 hrs - 6%

Anyway you cut it... on pure BL standards...

GAGAOOLALA WINS 

Other consideration? In most places Gaga is ALSO the cheapest per month option. 

Final Thoughts

YouTube (America’s Alphabet) 

YT has the most pieces of content and longest overall runtime because of all the Thai stuff. ALSO bootlegs show up there, especially the early Chinese and Japanese stuff. They will often get taken down and you have to hunt for it again. YT takedowns come in waves, every 6 months or so.

However, GMMTV, some Star Hunter, some Studio Wabi Sabi, all the Vietnamese & Pinoy stuff (until now), and a few choice bits of Strongberry are YT content.

YT’s app is the best UX of a poor set (for me), but the web based YT at Premium level doesn’t work with Firefox. I use YT for work A LOT, so the fee for Premium ($13.99) and lack of ads + downloads (travel) is worth it for me, but I think it probubly isn’t if you’re on a budget. 

GaGaOOLaLa (Taiwan’s Portico Media) 

Of the pay to play platforms, GaGa dominates with the most BLs by all metrics. If you’re intersted in darker BL, GL and other queer content, very high heat, the history of the genre, or Japanese stuff - most of that is on GaGa. Also all of Strongberry and some of the newer queerer series (like My Ride).  

At $6.99 a month it’s ALSO one of the cheapest options. 

Gaga is based out of Taiwan, the only Asian country with marriage equality (as of 2022) AND it specializes in exclusively queer content so they need our support. If you can afford them, you should support them. GaGa is the only platform that will always have more BL, guaranteed (so long as Taiwan is autonomous). Ironically, you can follow their YT channel for previews and teasers to their latest series, short content, and acquisitions. 

Their app isn’t great, but their web-based interface is fine. That said: there’s no categories (way to organize), and the way they roll out new episodes is unintuitive. Their mobile app ALWAYS pauses not mater what you actually want it to do and the lack of the quick skip ahead is frustrating. 

Viki (Japan’s Rakutan)

Viki specializes in longer series, mostly Thai, Taiwanese, and a few of the Chinese bromances. It also now has a lot of KBLs. But in general only more recent stuff (2018 is as far back as they go).

At $4.99-$11.99 depending, it’s low to average cost. I’m not sure which one (if any) you actually need for BL. Most of my favorite new shows tend to air on Viki, and I like Rakutan as a parent company, so I don’t mind supporting them. 

They happen to have 5 of my top ten BLs, which is A LOT (since I hand out 10/10 so rarely). So for me they host the objective best BL content. 

They have the second best app (after YT, it’s kinda a combo of YT + Netflix) but the lack of a speed-up option is frustrating for many. Also the desktop version is super buggy. But they DO have categories you can name and control, which I love.

Other Platforms 

iQIYI - is Mainland China based (hello Baidu, you ugly fucker), so the platform getting/pimping BL for an international audience only is… how do I put this?… oh yeah: shitty. I will often rename it Icky, for this reason. It clearly wants to break the market, but… do we want it in the market at all? How long will they host BLs? When will they be shut down and censored? I would say it’s only worth it if you really also like Chinese dramas. And even so, Viki also has A LOT of those. Unfortunately for us, Wabi Sabi seems to have cut a distribution deal with Icky. And, of course, there is the KinnPorsche situation (so ironic that Icky hosts the highest heat). The interface is a nightmare. They have the WORST app, even when you pay, it serves ads, some of which alpha crash the platform. 

Netflix - here in the states it almost never has new BL content. Sometimes some old stuff. They tested the waters with SOTUS and Love Sick. I have a feeling they aren’t particularly intersted in this market. So if BL is what you watch, don’t bother. At last check they still had Gameboys and Your Name Engraved Herein and Wish You. 

WeTV - acts like LineTV used to, has Manner of Death and We Best Love and a few of the more obscure Thai pulps. But probably not worth it for anyone but a completest. 

Grey - Unknown or No Distributor 

Indie subbers: there’s some BLs that you can watch by supporting indie subbers who supply private links to their personal versions. This is not legal, but it is a slightly nicer way to get stuff you can’t find anywhere else. I’ve done this for some Thai and Japanese stuff.

I find the leads for these sources here on Tumblr. If someone is giffing and talking about a show and I don’t know how they are getting hold of it, I simply ask.

DramaCool (USA) & Dailymotion (France) & Bilibili (China) and others - AKA the grey space. You SHOULD feel guilty using these sites, you’re stealing, but it’s where many of us go for BL we can’t find anywhere else (in defiance of what few morals we have left). These are BLs that originally sold to very odd platforms or never got international distribution. Unfortunately, some of my favorites are in this category like Great Men Academy or Seven Days. It’s a nightmare. The ads are terrible and the virus/bug risk is high. They get taken down all the time. Or the leads are faked. I use an old computer to access and suggest you take all necessary precautions yourself.

P’ABL SOAP BOX TIME

Look I work tangential to the entertainment industry, so if you thought I wasn’t going to learn you a little on this subject, you got another think coming. 

HERE’S THE THING: 

You watch a show on one of the grey platforms, ESPECIALLY if it actually has distribution on Gaga or Viki - you better review that shit. You spread the word and advocate for that content here, on MDL, on social media, with fan art, I don’t care. You steal it, you find a way to pay back in your time and/or creativity. 

I get it if you’re poor, but don’t be a goddamn scab. Find a way to reward content creators with non-monetary support. If you had the time to watch the thing you stole, you have time to pay it forward in some substantial way. Do this even if you didn’t steal it but got it for free. Do this if you read fanfic. Do this with articles, blogs, books. Do this with podcasts. 

It isn’t hard to be a decent human and support creators. Don’t you dare just TAKE. If you’re that kind of person stop reading this blog immediately. I don’t want anything to do with you and you don’t deserve my words or my spreadsheet of Doom. 

/rant 

MORE ON THIS TOPIC WITH FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS

Original post on this subject that I adapted for this post. 

(source)

[howtosingit]

Tag Game: 911 Lone Star Fandom Edition

Tagged by @rmd-writes and this is probably the first tag game I've done in... *checks calendar* I can't count that high 🤷🏻‍♂️

When did you first start watching Lone Star? Who or what introduced you to the show?

I've been watching since the pilot premiered on Sunday, January 19, 2020 🙃 I actually was still watching OG 911 at that time with @emisfritish and we were trying to decide if we wanted to watch the upcoming spinoff or not, so we checked out the trailer. Saw that first little clip of Carlos Reyes and that moment of Tarlos getting down to business in 1x02 and I was suddenly way more interested in LS than I had ever been in OG (sorry not sorry). And though she never really joined the LS fandom, I do still get to experience @emisfritish watching LS episodes for the first time (even if it's sometimes months after they air) and it's one of my favorite things.

Which season is your favorite?

Season 3, for sure. Best viewing experience of any season, really strong storylines, so much more Carlos than the previous 2 seasons (combined), the full tarlos arc from exes to fiancés and all the really good growth for them in-between those two moments... I don't know that the show will ever reach those heights again, but I'm so glad I got to experience every moment of it in real time.

[Seasons best-to-worst, imho, are: 3, 4, 2, 1]

Who is your favorite character? (Bonus: If you answered TK or Carlos, who is your favorite besides them?)

LOL such a mystery, my favorite character is obviously Caleb. Love that dumbass. (Real answer: my top 3 characters are Carlos, Grace, and Judd.)

Top five episodes. Go!

Oh goodness, okay...

Push Bad Call Saving Grace Riddle of the Sphynx Donors In Sickness and In Health (sorry I know that's six but rafa is just so fucking good)

If you could pick any character to be given a "begins" episode, who would it be and what would that episode look like?

First I will say that I'm really happy that we don't do "Begins" episodes with LS because I remember wanting to skip so many of those when watching OG (never grew attached to any of the characters, maybe I'd like them better in LS but let's not risk it) and I think there are more organic ways to incorporate backstory into the narrative than to say "here's 45 minutes of backstory!"

ANYWAY For a very long time my answer was uncontestedly Carlos Reyes, and I would still love to get every single moment of his life from his birth until now, but also... I don't know, I think at this point in the show we've gotten so much of Carlos's history (through what is sometimes messy writing, sure, but we still got it) that it feels selfish to keep asking for more when a character like Paul still feels really undervalued on the show. So, maybe Paul? But, also Carlos because... I'm me 🤷🏻‍♂️

What is a scenario or storyline that you would like to see in season 5?

Honestly, I would like to see Carlos have to face the consequences of his actions in the s4 finale. I love him, I would die on every damn hill for him, and I fully tracked his rationale for why he did what he did, but it was still really messed up, and I would love to see him battling with those decisions and what they mean for him at the top of the season. I'm not against Carlos struggling and messing up sometimes (two of my favorite episodes are "Cry Wolf" and "In Sickness and In Health"), but it's a way more interesting narrative if we actually see him confronting his mistakes rather than them disappearing into the unknown like most of the consequences on LS... Also, Rafa would destroy scenes like that and I always want to see Rafa at the top of his game.

Would also love to see him get a different job but that seems unlikely and we'd lose that glorious utility belt strut

What do you think is going on in this still?

I do think it's most likely related to Gabriel's murder. It could be an update on where the Rangers are at in the case, it could be them calling Carlos in to assist with something (undercover Carlos mayhaps?), or maybe Carlos got suspended after what he did last season and this is him receiving a call from his boss with an update on his job status... honestly, no idea, but it's making me want to know things so fuck you tim minear

We all know about the elusive 5x05 spicy scene that has been teased, so what is your prediction for how it could possibly top 1x02?

See, I thought elements of the 2x12 sex scene were better than the 1x02 sex scene because there was all of this added intimacy and emotion between them, which just makes every touch and kiss and look and breath that much deeper and richer and sexier. Like, that look Carlos gives TK after taking his shirt off while straddling TK's thighs? That's sex right there. So, honestly, I don't know what they're going to go through between 5x01 and 5x04, but as long as the 5x05 scene contains all of that context that makes the moment about them and how they feel to be with each other, it's already topped 1x02 in my opinion. Rushed, casual, fun sex is great and hot and obviously I didn't hate it, but the combination of lust AND love? You can't ever beat that.

Where was the Tarlos honeymoon in your mind?

You know, I honestly don't know... I haven't really thought about it. Their honeymoon has kind of been a non-thing for me, so I hope wherever it was it was peaceful and exactly what they both needed.

Shoutout one of your favorite fan creations.

I know this says one, but there are so many different types of creations and I won't be able to mention all of them (it's been FOUR YEARS OKAY) but I want to try to share a range...

I absolutely have to start out with all the incredible work that @reyeslonestar gave this fandom: I have this one printed and framed, but I also love this one and this one and this one and THIS ONE. Also love this one by @whatsintheboxmh so much. I also love these two NSFW pieces by @a-kinkajou (but the AO3 links seem to be broken so you'll have to look at the SFW versions here on tumblr and just trust me).

ALSO I really love fanvids and in particular this one and this one (SOBBING) and this one and THIS ONE. While I wish I could list every gifset that has sparked an emotional response for me, it would be impossible, so I'll share this one (@maxbegone) because it makes me smile, these two because the vows are ev-er-y-thing (@danieljradcliffe), and this one because the Carlos Reyes Strut is also everything (@evanzbuck).

I mean, the Teacher AU. It's the teacher au. You don't understand, it's THE TEACHER AU (@three-drink-amy). I'm already so in love with Call Me, but that's no surprise since it's from the writers of iconic works like these (@welcometololaland @rmd-writes) The Knave verse is beyond iconic at this point (@liminalmemories21). This Carlos begins fic is really beautiful (@freneticfloetry) and this early fic has one of my favorite Carlos characterizations ever (@singerofsimplesongs). I'm always down for a firefighter!Carlos AU (@reyesstrand) because the man should be wearing turnouts.

Tagging: I'm not going to tag anyone because I think this game was going around a few days ago and I missed the train, but if anyone likes the questions and wants to answer, they should!

[prezaki]

Sword and Mirror - a Lacus Clyne Analysis

“First… decide. And then do it. It’s the only way to achieve anything.”

Do you want to read ~8.000 words of Lacus Clyne character analysis? I hope so, because that’s what I got for you today.

When I watched SEED, I was wholly convinced I would dislike Lacus and everything she stands for. I have never been more wrong. Lacus is a tricky character to grasp - the show narrates her story largely through themes, blank spaces and parallel storytelling. As a result, I understand how she can seem quite flat on a casual viewing. I promise you right now, there is more to her role in the story than meets the eye.

In a 2020 interview, Director Fukuda said: “I do remember [Writer Morosawa] saying that the idea of Lacus Clyne was that she would be a mirror of other people, and that was why she was necessary to reflect other people’s hearts.”

The primary mirrors for Lacus are Flay in SEED and the Durandal/Meer combo in Destiny, so these will be our focal angle for unraveling her character - because the question is not just “what does the mirror say about other people?” it is also “what is inherent to Lacus that is able to reflect these (often negative) characters so well?”

Lacus’ story includes a lot of interesting ideas about power, agency, and gender performativity. I am here today to make my case to all of you, to present to you the Lacus I came to love - a girl who would love to be ordinary, but who cannot ignore the ideological power her image has become entrenched with.

(Because tumblr is a functional website and won't show posts with links in tags, I will add my source links in a reblog.)

We’re going to be following Lacus’ appearances more or less chronologically here, with digressions into related topics when it fits thematically.

Starting us off, we can’t talk about Lacus’ early scenes without also talking about Flay Allster. Lacus and Flay are two sides of the same coin and the show beats us over the head with that pretty much from the first time we meet Lacus.

Flay and Lacus arriving on the Archangel follows the exact same script: a girl exits a lifeboat, floating through the hangar, into Kira who blushes at the proximity and informs her that this is an Earth Forces vessel. The two scenes are merely four episodes apart, serving as a giant blinking billboard to tell the viewer: compare and contrast these two!!

At this stage of their lives, Lacus and Flay are in nearly identical situations. Their mothers are out of the picture, having passed when they were young. Their fathers are important politicians of their respective faction. Each of them is engaged to a boy they did not choose as part of a ploy to further their fathers’ political agenda.

That is hitting right on a theme SEED explores with most of its main cast - children as extensions of their parent’s will. As they exist at this early stage of the story, Lacus and Flay are each tools to further their fathers’ reach. The fact that both of them seem to have positive emotional relationships with their fathers does not diminish this aspect - in fact, I’d argue it underlines it. Both of them want to live up to their fathers’ legacies and willingly accept their place in it.

This means that there is a level of performativity that permeates every aspect of their lives. We see this most clearly with Flay - every part of her day to day persona is carefully curated to show herself as a perfect little lady. We know that this act is directly linked to pleasing her father, because it includes doing things for her father’s benefit such as writing love letters to Sai despite not actually liking him or putting in unusual effort to look her best for reuniting with her dad. She acts out the perfect hyperfeminine daughter that George Allster wants to present to the world. Flay’s sweetness is a manipulation - a way to exert power, first on her father’s and then on her own behalf. This is why Flay keeps up the performance, even once we have seen the real Flay as a much darker personality. It’s the only way she’s been taught to assert agency and thus her only strategy to protect herself.

Lacus is rather similar about strategically using her hyperfeminine charm when needed be. Her initial episodes on the Archangel serve as a perfect example of this.

But first, we have to elaborate on her background. She’s a popular idol singer on the PLANTs but her career is, like everything else, something that is tailor-made to promote her father’s moderate politics. When Meer describes Lacus’ job in Destiny, she does it like this: “[Her job] is to actively pursue ways to help the PLANTs and the world achieve peace.” Tellingly, the line is placed over an image of Lacus and her father.

So we know that Lacus is politically active by this point, even if just as her father’s mouthpiece. We also know she is in this sector of space as part of a ceremonial delegation. She is literally engaged to Athrun in a bid to reign in Patrick Zala’s extremism by making the public see the Clyne and Zala families as a unity. What I am getting at is that there is absolutely no way Lacus is oblivious to the context she finds herself in when she boards an Earth Forces ship. When she acts as though she were, it’s deliberate.

Lacus only takes decisive action when she feels that she knows all the facts and she likes to go see the circumstances of a situation for herself. This is something we’ll talk about a lot more later on, but it is already useful to keep in mind here.

Lacus’ time on the Archangel is characterized by her leaving her (locked) room again and again to wander the ship, then acting oblivious as to why anybody would be upset about the enemy leader’s daughter freely scoping out the place.

(Her mild ‘Oh?’ here always gets me.) It’s the kind of behavior she can get away with precisely because she is a hyperfeminine teenage girl - if she were an adult male refugee instead, she might have been arrested for pulling a stunt like that. But being as she is, the exaggerated naivety somehow registers as believable for everyone on the ship and she gets off scott-free.

What I love about Lacus and Flay is the level of awareness they both have about gender being a performance that can be put on for gain. Both of them are genuinely pretty girly, but more than that they know how to play up the girliness and use it to exploit gender biases to their advantage. They know people are likely to underestimate them and/or be sweet on them and they bank on it fairly often.

Of course this isn’t to say Lacus’ personality is one big fake and there is a ‘real Lacus’ in there who is diametrically opposed to how she presents herself. Even during the Archangel stay, we see Lacus in private and we find a gentle girl. She prays, she sings, she plays silly little games with her Haro. Lacus’ naive act is effective precisely because it is merely a slight over-acting of her regular self.

This is confirmed by Director Fukuda when he states that “about half of her behavior is natural, but she can also play the role of herself. She is her true self when she confronts Rau Le Creuset and she is also her true self when she plays with Haro.”

While we’re on the topic of Haro, I find pink Haro to be a bit of a curiosity. In Gundam’s history as a franchise, Haros have usually represented something about their owner. For Amuro, Kamille, Hathaway and Uso their Haros were manifestations of the childhood they were clinging to / that was clinging to them.

Lacus’ pink Haro is the first Haro in Gundam to be willful and rude instead of cheerful and supportive (though Haro in Victory certainly packs a punch). It also has the rather interesting catchphrase: “I won’t accept that”. What does that say about Lacus, if anything?

I would argue that it is a first pointer towards the strength of personality and opinion that Lacus camouflages behind her innocent exterior. During these early episodes, there are two major hints towards the Haro symbolism.

The first is simple: Haro is Lacus’ excuse for constantly leaving her room. See, it is Haro who won’t allow them to be locked in. This is totally out of her innocent public persona’s control, see?!

The second one follows when Lacus leaves the Archangel and we first see proof positive that she’s been playing dumb while in enemy territory. As soon as Lacus is safe in Athrun’s suit, she addresses Rau in a commanding tone never heard before.

“Stop it at once. Are you trying to turn this location into a battlefield when there is a representative of the memorial delegation here? I will not allow it! Stop your combat operations at once!”

Suddenly, we learn that Lacus has perfect awareness of her own importance and a clear grasp on political/military speech style. We are forced to recontextualize the clueless girl we’ve spent the last few episodes with, turning our perception of the character on its head. But the viewer isn’t the only person shocked by this. As Athrun stares at his gentle fiancée in bewilderment, we are treated to Haro’s shout of “I won’t accept that! I won’t accept that!” which perfectly echoes Lacus’ speech and feelings - meanwhile Lacus herself just gives an angelic smile, acting as though she has no idea why what she just did should be astounding in the first place:

The disparity between Haro-as-the-inner-voice and Lacus’ outer performance as she reverts to her usual ‘public self’ is used deliberately, foreshadowing the many surprises Lacus still has up her sleeve.

Lacus is then moved to the ZAFT vessel Vesalius, where she continues to wander about against Athrun’s advice. Though she is no longer in enemy territory, it makes sense for Lacus to keep up the naive act so she can scope out the ship as much as possible. After all, she sees herself as a civilian who wants to end the war. She has no specific loyalty to ZAFT as a military. Of course she’d want a glimpse at things.

After this, Lacus is shuffled out of the plot for a good bit as she recuperates at her home with her many, many Haros. So many Haros. It will never cease being funny that Athrun (notedly, the person who gave her the Haros) is also the one who goes ‘how can you live like this?!’.

This is a good opportunity to talk about Lacus and Athrun’s relationship as a whole. Though the two of them never met before being introduced to each other for the engagement, they like each other. Lacus seems dedicated to making this marriage work out. In a bonus audio drama covering their first meeting, Lacus basically steamrolls Athrun with her can-do-attitude regarding the engagement. He is completely taken aback as she speculates about the hair color of their future children… Lacus approaches the engagement on a baseline of ‘I don’t know you that well yet, so I don’t know if this is good or bad - might as well be optimistic.’ It’s only after Athrun’s enduring discomfort that she slows down. This ongoing positive approach to the relationship seems to both be because of her dedication to her father’s cause as well as because she simply comes to like Athrun. She treasures his gifts, is overjoyed when he comes to visit, and would be perfectly willing to take their relationship to an actual romantic level.

Just look at her waiting for a proper kiss before Athrun chickens out and opts for her cheek instead…

But ultimately, Athrun just does not understand Lacus. This is evident in their interactions and confirmed several times by Director Fukuda. Athrun can’t see past Lacus’ one-sided public presentation. Her deeper thoughts and convictions are lost on him. According to the above-linked interviews, it is this specific visit in episode 20 when Lacus tries to test Athrun and then decides to cut her losses.

“I think she was trying to see if Athrun could accept her thoughts. Lacus also feels that way about Kira, so she told Athrun that she likes him. She actually wanted Athrun to inquire about her reasons, but Athrun doesn’t ask. That’s why Lacus can’t make space in her heart for him.” - Fukuda, as linked above.

Not only does Athrun not seem open to meeting her head-on ideologically, he also doesn’t display any jealousy at her stating she is fond of another guy. Both as a comrade and as a romantic partner, Athrun feels distant from Lacus. Of course she remains fond of him as a person, but she won’t keep chasing a connection he is not emotionally open to.

Kira is different in this regard - he is ready to accept and agree with Lacus’ morals, to let her take Flay’s place as the person who inspires him to keep fighting. And that is precisely the next step in Lacus’ journey - forging her bond with Kira.

After Kira and Athrun gravely wound each other in battle, Reverend Malchio picks up the injured Kira and brings him to the PLANTs. It is implied though not elaborated upon that Malchio is part of Siegel Clyne’s large web of contacts trying to stop Patrick Zala’s megalomania. Malchio and Lacus appear to get along well - it stands to reason that Kira was entrusted to her care because Malchio knew he’d saved her before.

Lacus delights in nursing Kira back to health. She shares her love of the outdoors and beautiful gardens with him, and listens to his struggles and regrets. It is here that we get a good glimpse at the way Lacus’ genuine girly side looks. She is playful yet ladylike, she can appear quite innocent… but she never seems at a loss for what’s going on and routinely gets serious when discussing matters of war and trauma.

This Lacus in the garden is the person she would like to be. In her ideal world, there would be peace and she’d be at liberty to simply enjoy her songs and flowers, spending time with a person she likes. Lacus’ gentleness and her appreciation of simple pleasures are not an act.

Unfortunately, that ideal world does not exist. Which is why, when Kira declares he wants to fight not ZAFT nor the Earth Forces but the conflict itself, Lacus sees her own morals echoed in him and decides to act as well.

She abuses her authority and the trust the PLANTs’ society holds in her in order to let Kira steal the Freedom, one of ZAFT’s new super weapons. It is likely that she was aware of the Freedom’s existence through her father - there don’t appear to be any secrets between the two of them.

This is a good point to point out one of Lacus’ most defining habits: her tendency to ask questions. Though she is far from clueless, she is someone who will contribute to a conversation by prompting for elaboration again and again. She knows that asking someone else to spell out their thought process will help them solidify it.

Lacus has a very intuitive understanding of the human mind and how to enable it. She is a good person and mostly uses that strategy in order to gently nudge those who are already morally aligned with her in the right direction… but there certainly is potential to use this kind of strategy for outright manipulation. We will see as much when we get to Destiny… but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Right now, allowing Kira to act has also forced Lacus to do the same - she is now regarded as a traitor to the PLANTs for her theft of military equipment and needs to go into hiding. There is only one last thing she feels she needs to do before she can address the public: tie up loose ends with Athrun.

The staging of this confrontation reveals Lacus’ deep sentimentality. She hides out at the theater she first sang in publicly, a hideout so fitting of her personality that Athrun figures it out with only minimal prodding. Lacus had taken great care of the flowers she received from that theater years ago. I’d say it’s fair to assume that the location has not just been picked for how easily Athrun could find it - after all, Lacus is singing in full stage costume when he finds her. In a way, this is her goodbye performance to her old life that she is now giving up in the name of rebellion.

On this stage of memories, Lacus gives Athrun an ultimatum.

“Did you kill him? What is it that you believe in and fight for? Is it the medal you received? Your father’s orders? If it is, then Kira may once again become your enemy. And so will I. If you’ve declared me an enemy, will you shoot me? Athrun Zala of ZAFT!”

For the first time, she addresses him with a harsh voice and allows him to see the full power of her determination. (Poor guy, he had no idea what he was in for…)

At this point everything has been set in motion and Lacus is fed-up with Athrun’s lukewarm commitment. He is holding her at gunpoint, but the one forcing a decision is Lacus. When Athrun protects her from the ZAFT agents sent to kill her, that proves that Athrun is not acting in blind loyalty to his father - he passes Lacus’ test. Noteworthy is that through this entire exchange, Lacus had gunmen from the Clyne-faction in hiding. If Athrun had actually made a move to hurt her, he would not have left that theater alive. I fully believe that Lacus would have ordered his death if it ensured that he won’t get a second shot at killing Kira - the sword she is pinning all her hopes on. However, she surely had confidence it would not get that far. Her primary intention was to wake Athrun up, not to get rid of him.

With this last personal matter settled, Lacus begins her real work. She has the unique advantage of being an already established ambassador for peace through her idol work (and the association thereof with her father’s politics). This gives her inherent credibility with the populace of the PLANTs - something she is intending to make full use of through guerilla radio broadcasts.

“Coordinators are in no way a different species that evolved from other forms of humans. Even with the reform of marriage regulations, we are unable to build towards our future. How is that an advanced species?”

In her speeches, she takes a stark counterposition to Patrick Zala’s doctrine of Coordinator superiority. Fukuda repeatedly calls Lacus a radical girl - and for her context, she is. After all, she lives in a society legally controlled by eugenics, in which only marriages resulting in childbirth are legally viable. To stand up and publicly declare that the entire premise of the current PLANTs is bullshit… That is bold.

Her rebellion is harshly punished as her father is mercilessly gunned down for association with his daughter - which now leaves Lacus in charge of the whole Clyne faction. Her response to her father’s death is muted. She merely nods in acknowledgement and goes back to organizing her resistance force - the only hint to her true discontent is once again Haro, closing out the scene with an “I won’t accept this!”. We see yet again that Lacus’ public face is always tightly controlled. As a leader she understands that she cannot show weakness or risk hurting the morale of her group.

Through the connections her father established and the loyalty of her own followers, Lacus manages to steal the spaceship Eternal and escape from the PLANTs. Through this, she can reconvene with the Archangel and meet both Kira and Athrun again.

It is here that Lacus allows herself to cry about her father for the very first time. She is a girl who is open with very few people, who does not feel like her position offers her the luxury of being candid with her emotions. It takes being alone with somebody she trusts for her to let go and truly feel.

I am going to be talking about Lacus’ relationship to Kira in more depth when we get to the beginning of Destiny, but for now it will suffice to say that their non-faction-aligned positions make them kindred spirits who rely on each other. They have gotten to know one another fairly well during Kira’s sickbed stay at the Clyne mansion. Kira has met Lacus with an emotional openness that Athrun never showed her, which makes it easier for her to fully respond in kind.

(As an aside, the death of the politician father is a recurring theme in SEED. Lacus once more follows in the footsteps of Flay, as well as Cagalli; with Athrun soon to join them.)

During the battle sequences following the reunion, we see Lacus as a collected and capable commander of her ship. We have already witnessed her incredible calm (not losing her cool when threatened, losing family members, having people shot in front of her,…) and it comes in handy here as well. Notably, Lacus is shown to be a lot more cold and pragmatic than Athrun. Where Athrun is motivated by personal relationships and would risk it all to save their comrades who are lost in the Mendel colony, Lacus immediately declines his plan.

“Even if Kira, Mu and Dearka never return, we must still continue to fight.”

Just like Lacus has accepted the death of her father, she would also accept Kira’s death in the name of a greater cause. As always, her personal feelings take a backseat to being able to fulfill her function and represent her ideology.

“My mother told me something long ago. The world belongs to you and also you belong to the world, as long as you are born and exist in this world.”

This attitude is at least somewhat contextualized by this quote that shows up shortly after. Lacus’ mother is implied to have passed away when she was very young, possibly making this one of Lacus’ core memories of her. “And also you belong to the world,” seems to encompass a lot of Lacus’ attitude towards duty and commitment to peace.

Lacus’ arc in the season closes off with the activation of her SEED mode, as well as the associated speech. I have transcribed it in full here:

“We humans, possibly, could exist without fighting. However, many of us choose to fight. For what reason? To protect something? Protect what? Ourselves? The future? If we must kill to protect our future and ourselves… What sort of future is it? What are we? There is no future for those who have been killed. And what about those who have killed? Is happiness to be found in a future that is grasped with bloodstained hands? Well, is it?”

In The Art and Data of Gundam SEED, this scene is described as follows: “Confronted by so many lives being lost, Lacus’ SEED activates out of grief and sorrow over the endless link between humanity and war.”

However, what I actually want to point out is not what triggers her SEED but how her SEED manifests. Usually SEED mode is shown to enhance piloting skill, but Lacus isn’t a pilot. What she does instead is the one thing she does so well: ask questions. Her power is the unerring dedication to bring into question things that are seen as self-explanatory, to inquire again and again if there truly is good reason for the world to be this way.

It positions her as the perfect antithesis to Rau who views violence as a given and himself as the answer.

In SEED, the series villain is Lacus’ opposite, a clear-cut opposition. It is in Destiny that Lacus really comes under scrutiny with a villain who is far more alike to her in many ways.

But before we can get into discussing Lacus and Durandal, we have to cover the After-Phase Between The Stars short, a five minute special that serves as a bridge between the first and second season, catching us up to what the cast has been up to in the two year time skip.

The set-up for Destiny often comes under scrutiny because fans consider it uncharacteristic for Lacus and Kira to have pulled back from politics rather than take part in managing the peace they helped bring about. I don’t think that is true. Neither Kira nor Lacus wanted to be in a position of authority, nor do they feel like they actually have adequate answers to the complex political problems of the Cosmic Era. During the war they had a clear goal, but the reparations are not nearly as simple.

The two of them are only 16 when the war ends - it’s natural that they would want to back out and leave the rebuilding efforts to qualified adults. For them to move to Orb and live with Malchio so they can heal from the loss they’ve endured is an understandable choice.

And it is not as though Lacus makes this decision out of pure selfishness and thoughtlessness, as After-Phase spells out almost word by word.

Cagalli: “It’s amazing you actually went out onto the battlefield. Doing that suits you well.” Lacus: “Is that right? But even when Kira was crying, he still said he would return. We may still not understand what we should be doing. The world isn’t something that someone creates.”

Lacus is aware that she has amassed a lot of influence over the course of the war, being an idol turned resistance leader whom the people generally rely on. If she were to step up now, people would be sure to place undue importance on her just because of the feelings they project onto their role. That is a power she doesn’t want to use.

Not doing politics at this juncture is her political stance. She feels the world should be shaped by people and not by ideologues making the decisions for them.

Cagalli and Lacus are at different ends of the same problem during Destiny - where Cagalli tries to step up to her position of power and finds the complexities of it quickly overwhelming her, Lacus decides stepping away is what is best for the world and is mistaken in that as well.

Lacus’ decision turns into a major part of Destiny’s conflict - because Lacus is not the only one who sees that her position holds inherent power. Durandal sees it too, and he exploits the vacancy by filling it with his own propaganda version of Lacus. In Meer, Durandal creates the Lacus that Lacus herself doesn’t want to become.

This is where full analysis necessitates a digression to Durandal, who is Lacus’ true counterpart in this season even as Meer takes the role in physical appearance.

Lacus’ mirror being split between Meer (body) and Durandal (mind) is interesting in itself, because it touches on a gendered dimension again. Durandal states that Lacus’ power to influence is greater than his own, but that is not due to who she is as a person. The influence of “Lacus” can only be realized because she is a beautiful young girl. We find ourselves at an intersection of idol culture and propaganda - Lacus as an idol is by-design a ‘pure’ celebrity, someone you can look up to without concerns because they are wholly innocent. That is how idols are produced in the real world as well. Through stepping out of the ‘idol’ space and becoming a resistance leader against an inarguable evil, Lacus has then attained an almost goddess-like reputation. The trust inspired by superficial elements like her beauty and soft voice are conflated with her achievements at the end of the war. She is venerated as the icon of peace, rather than seen as an individual with the capacity for flaws. “Lacus” is a near-abstract concept to the public.

That’s what makes it so easy to abuse - so long as you have another beautiful young girl at the ready who is willing to play into the idea of “Lacus, the beautiful savior”. And boy, does Meer play into it. She takes Lacus’ distanced image and turns it on its head. By delivering fanservice like no tomorrow she plays further into the idea of Lacus as a consumable savior who exists for the sake of the audience, whipping the crowd into a frenzy. A large part of Lacus’ influence is thus divorced from who either she or Meer is as an individual.

However, Meer doesn’t write her own speeches. Durandal controls everything she says. Where Meer mirrors the way Lacus is seen (and not seen) by the public, Durandal is the one we truly need to examine here.

First things first. Durandal is absolutely intended as a Lacus parallel. This is conveyed at a number of points through the season, but the first overt comparison is made when Durandal giving Athrun the Saviour is written and shot in an almost 1:1 recreation of the scene in which Lacus gives Kira the Freedom.

Lacus: “I feel that the strength you’ll need is in this machine.” Durandal: “Should we end up in that situation, I want you to be someone with power.”

Lacus: “Will this take you where you wish to go? Will it help you when you get there?” Durandal: “But what you can do and what you wish to do… These are things that nobody knows better than yourself.”

Even Lacus’ “I am Lacus Clyne, you are Kira Yamato” is echoed in the way Durandal insists on Athrun’s inherent self and nature. The idea of an inherent self, a core of a person, is something that unites Lacus and Durandal. They just take it in very different directions - Lacus’ point of view is a more standard “be true to yourself so you can love yourself and find your true purpose”, while Durandal takes it a big step further and comes out on the other end with “have someone decode exactly What You Are and then adhere to it for the rest of your life instead of ever questioning. This will make you happy”.

Durandal is Lacus taken to the extreme. Every soft line of wishing for a world in which the cycle of war is forever broken is turned into a masterplan and a doctrine.

Further, Durandal and Lacus’ strategies of dealing with people are similar, to the point where we have Athrun explicitly picking up on it. The Lacus-giving-Kira-the-Freedom vs Durandal-giving-Athrun-the-Saviour sequences are completed later in the season when Lacus gives Athrun the Justice. We’ll address this scene ahead of time here because it is more important for establishing the Lacus-Durandal dichotomy than it is for Lacus’ personal growth.

Athrun: “Are you trying to tell me I’m nothing but a soldier?” Lacus: “That too is something for you to decide. Power is nothing more than power. And perhaps you are a soldier, but over and above that… You’re Athrun. That’s all there is to it.”

This exchange a) follows Athrun’s realization that Durandal thinks of him as someone who is destined 0nly to be a soldier and b) is accompanied by Athrun directly flashbacking to his conversation with Durandal, comparing that with what Lacus is saying.

Both of them are in the process of prompting him to pilot a mobile suit they already had manufactured for him. Both of them employ a similar rhetoric of making a plea to his intrinsic self and allowing him a choice. Both of them are successful at making him get into the robot.

Lacus and Durandal differ primarily in two core aspects. For one, Durandal prioritizes the role over the individual. I.e.: ‘Athrun is Athrun and because he is Athrun, he can only ever be a soldier’. For Lacus, the inescapable self is the core of your personality, but what you do with it is up to you. I.e.: ‘Athrun is Athrun and thus he has to make the choice that goes best with his true heart’.

The second difference is how genuine they are. Both Lacus and Durandal understand how to manipulate people, but only Durandal abuses this manipulation constantly and with great intentionality. Lacus generally tries to hold back and only encourage instead of exert control. Durandal will lie, Lacus less so.

But in the end both of them remain as people dedicated to their ideal of peace, who employ a soft surface personality in order to make others let their guard down.

Destiny is a season about deconstructing Lacus The Idol. Durandal zeroes in on Lacus not simply because of who she is but because of the ideals she’s grown to represent, the thing she was marketed as from the start, everything that was projected onto her. Lacus The Idol is a construct, an ideal, a wish. Durandal is trying to turn his interpretation of that wish into reality. Lacus The Person is nothing but a roadblock to him.

Though Lacus does not have as many scenes in Destiny as she does in SEED, she is even more crucial to the framework of the story this time. This also means that what few scenes she does get tend to really matter for fleshing out her character.

Her journey begins when Durandal’s failed assassination attempt causes Kira to once again become a Gundam pilot. Lacus is incredibly hesitant about this, but Kira reassures her that he’s fine and doing this out of his own will.

And with that it is finally time to dive into Lacus and Kira’s relationship properly.

Let’s preface this with a Fukuda quote from The Art and Data of Gundam SEED: “Their hearts are connected, but they aren’t like lovers. In a sense, they’ve skipped over that step and become something more like family. Kira is afraid of losing Lacus, because of his trauma with Flay. And Lacus feels guilty for making Kira do something he didn’t want to do, so she feels indebted to him. Psychologically speaking, the two of them are in a rather precarious codependent relationship.”

If the dynamic between Lacus and Kira reads as awkward, it’s because it should. In the beginning of Destiny, Kira is portrayed as traumatized by his encounter with Rau, which he has several flashbacks to. Lacus is the one accompanying him through his recovery, but she is also extremely aware that she is the one who gave him the weapon to fight Rau, that she is the one who is responsible for Kira entering the war again.

Lacus needs Kira to fight and enables Kira to fight, but she knows this is a horrible thing to do to somebody. And she can’t apologize for it, because if necessary she would do it to him again. That is the kind of pragmatist she is. Her feelings towards Kira remain as “I am fully aware that I intentionally put you in this situation, both materially and emotionally, and I know that I can never make it up to you”. How deeply and sincerely sorry she nevertheless is ties her to Kira more than anything else in the world. She cannot make it up to him, but she will spend a lifetime trying. Her feelings of guilt are on full display several times throughout Destiny.

Kira meanwhile projects Flay onto Lacus. His failure to protect Flay translates into an obsessive need to protect Lacus instead. Flay shapes every aspect of how Kira interacts with Lacus, how he can interact with Lacus. No doubt the topic of sexuality is also deeply tainted by his highly charged experiences with Flay.

Lacus does have some romantic feelings for Kira, seen in her blush when she kisses his cheek after giving him the Freedom or in the way she cares about his opinion when she is trying on a variety of outfits during Destiny. But she also seems respectful of the fact that Kira cannot truly reciprocate. (He also absolutely fails at having any opinions about Lacus in different clothes - it is bittersweet to see that short attempt at acting like a proper couple fail so miserably.)

The most romantic affection we see between the two of them are kisses on the cheek and I think it’s fairly safe to say that that is all there ever is.

Lacus and Kira cling to one another, silently asking for a forgiveness they can never be granted. They are nominally a couple, but the reality is simply that much more complex. They are family, they help each other heal, they make each other sad, and they absolutely cannot be apart.

The ghost of Flay hangs over them both in-character and narratively. Lacus has become the reluctant wielder of the sword that is Kira Yamato, the sword Flay helped forge. In turn, Lacus assumes Flay’s position in Kira’s mind; as the driving force, the one giving him direction, the woman to be protected.

Returning to the plot of Destiny, Lacus is now on the run with the Archangel, forced to watch as Meer assumes her identity. Fans generally seem to think she doesn't mind this, but that’s not really true. Lacus is just never vocal about her feelings.

Rie Tanaka’s line read in this scene of everyone watching Meer’s concert is absolutely superb - Lacus sounds deeply sarcastic. The Art and Data of Gundam SEED just confirms this when describing Lacus as “with a smile on her face, but daggers in her eyes.”

Lacus is deeply bothered by what is being done in her name and to her image, but currently neither has the means nor the strategy to combat it. She’s in hiding because she is under active threat of assassination and also because they just don’t really know what is going on.

The latter is of particular importance, because Lacus’ MO remains as it always was: she wants to know as much as she can about a conflict before acting. This principle is actually spelled out in her bath scene with Cagalli.

“First… decide. And then do it. It’s the only way to achieve anything.”

What seems simple nevertheless delivers a good glimpse into her interiority, especially thanks to the inclusion of a flashback to her father’s death. “Guilt” is a core theme for Lacus this season. Destiny presents a Lacus who is fully aware of the tragic consequences of her actions, a Lacus who carries that sadness permanently.

“It’s the only way to achieve anything,” is what she says, but she also means: “If you allow yourself regret, if you allow yourself to contemplate all the different paths you could have taken, you will surely be crushed by it.”

Lacus' philosophy is founded on standing firm in her decisions. She cannot allow herself to be immobilized by regret.

And that is another part of why Lacus takes so long to act. She observes situations very carefully until she is completely certain of the route she wants to take - of the route that will leave her with the least regrets.

Her unwillingness to act unless certain is Lacus' greatest strength and greatest weakness in one.

Thus Lacus soon admits that she does not know the best course of action. She then decides to act on her principles and go look at the situation on the PLANTs for herself. It’s a mirror of the viewing deck scene Lacus and Kira share at the very beginning of SEED. That encounter ended with Kira smuggling Lacus out of the ship, this one ends with her leaving by her own choice.

Though Kira worries about Lacus, she calms him down by quoting back his own reassurance when he first stepped back into the Gundam. This puts a nice emphasis on the mutuality of their relationship. Just as Lacus understands that Kira does not wish to be a pilot, Kira understands that Lacus longs to live a regular life far away from political importance. They both want nothing more for each other than a peaceful situation in which they can escape that which burdens them.

Lacus’ plan for going back into space is to impersonate Meer and steal her shuttle, a nice bit of vindictiveness on her part. There is a fun little audio drama in which she pretends to be worried people appreciate Meer more than her, tricking Waldfelt into helping her learn Meer’s dance routine. In truth, that was preparation for this exact plan. It goes to demonstrate that Lacus not showing her full cards and instead acting out the carefree girl she would like to be is a constant habit for her.

Thus Lacus sets out for the PLANTs, investigates Mendel colony, and finds out that Durandal is on the fast lane to upgrading society to Eugenics+. Interesting here is the revelation that Lacus has kept the Eternal in hiding this entire time and maintained a crew. Though she was hoping that the world would straighten itself out, she clearly never ever abandoned her backup plans for the worst case scenario. She is cautious in every sense of the word.

Meanwhile Durandal is rapidly trying to unify all of mankind under his leadership, attacking the independent Orb under pretenses of only desiring to root out Logos. So Lacus decides she has seen and heard enough. She needs to reveal herself before it is too late.

“I ask the world, please do not get caught up in the trap of his words, telling you that no one else is at fault. We must gain a deeper understanding of Chairman Durandal��s true objective.”

Even though Logos is undoubtedly a powerful evil within the Destiny universe, Lacus calls out the faults of conspiracy thinking and encourages people to question the motives of anyone who offers a solution that is too easy and too clean. It’s Destiny’s clumsy attempt of exploring the thin line between calling out harmful power structures vs simplifying reality in order to create a unified enemy.

It is also interesting because Lacus’ plea for everyone to think for themselves and question the absolutes presented to them is at odds with what a large portion of the public wants from her. They would like for Lacus The Idol to guide them - which is exactly why Meer was so effective as a propaganda stunt. The nature of Lacus’ social power is by default opposed to the change she actually wants to effect in the world.

This then brings us straight to Lacus’ actual confrontation with Meer.

Meer lays a trap relying on Lacus’ goodness and dedication to helping those in need. Ignoring the trap would prove Lacus a hypocrite, but Lacus is not the type anyway. She walks into the trap with open eyes - and offers Meer a sincere chance to be saved.

That’s the thing about Lacus and Meer: Lacus hates that the identity theft is happening, but she does not consider Meer to be the main perpetrator. Rather, Meer is also a victim. Lacus’ speech to her demonstrates this well and also says a lot about Lacus, so I’ll be copying it down in full:

”If it’s my name you want, you may have it. And my appearance. You and I will still be different people. That will never change. None of us can be anything other than ourselves. But that’s why you and I exist and stand here before each other, right? That’s why we have encounters, right? With one another and also ourselves. Your dreams belong to you. So please sing your dreams for your own sake. You mustn’t let others use your dreams for their benefit.”

Lacus looks at Meer and she feels sad as well as responsible. Meer was coerced to throw her own life away in the name of Lacus The Idol. Lacus feels that what happened to Meer could only happen because she exists. She sees a girl trying to become a version of her that Lacus herself feels is a burden, and she can’t help but be sad for the consequences of her existence.

I said before that “guilt” is a big theme for Lacus in Destiny, and here it appears in its more misguided form, taking more onto her shoulders than is actually warranted. One might argue it is a form of arrogance in its own way.

However, Meer and Lacus never get to resolve this. Meer steals Lacus’ place one final time, taking a bullet meant for her and dying in her stead. The sense of guilt is thus solidified and will remain with Lacus for the rest of her life.

Lacus’ tears for Meer are the most intense expression of grief we see from Lacus in the whole series and I think it is fitting.

Meer was a girl who spent much of her life wondering about Lacus, wishing she could know about the elusive stranger behind the idol. Now Meer is the one who is an eternal stranger and Lacus is left wishing she could hold onto more of her than just the diary and the idol work she left behind.

To Lacus, Meer is a girl who destroyed herself out of admiration for her. A girl who was consumed because Lacus’ inaction let it happen. Lacus’ philosophy might be largely pacifist, but it is not and has not ever been victimless.

And that is what really makes Lacus’ character to me: this awareness that even her best bet at a ‘correct’ decision is not the bloodless path, cannot be the bloodless path. Adhering to her morals still costs lives and Lacus tries to confront that dilemma, carrying her grief close to her heart.

Lacus’ speech to Meer conveys what Lacus thinks of life, touching both on her core similarity to Durandal (the idea of a ‘true self’) as well as the most major difference: Lacus believes striving for dreams to be the inherent value of human existence, even if it causes pain. Just as her decisions are worth making, even if they result in loss.

“All lives are meant to fight for a desired future,” is the bottom line Lacus arrived at by the end of Destiny. The right to struggle towards your dreams is worth fighting for, the contradiction of mankind is lamentable but ultimately to be protected.

And after the war ends, Lacus has internalized the responsibility she feels for what Durandal wrought. Though she does not want to hold political power, though she wishes she could simply play in her garden for the rest of her life, she realizes now that even her absence can be instrumentalized for harm. By the end of Destiny, Lacus has been locked into her very own bad ending, the exact thing she tried to avoid.

She closes the season where Cagalli begins it, stepping up to the inherent responsibility of having power. It is an intriguing place to leave her. It will require her to step out of the idol image that she has acquired, and to make decisions before she is ready to make them. Both the public and Lacus herself will have to reckon with Lacus’ fallible nature as an individual. The ethereal image of Lacus as the beacon of morality might well be crushed under the weight of Chairwoman Clyne.

Lacus is a reluctant mastermind. A girl with great talent for affecting others, always wishing for a world in which she does not have to use that talent.

Now she is following in the footsteps of a man who was a manifest representation of what a well-intentioned villain she herself could easily become - and she can only hope she’ll make decisions that she can stand by, just as she always has.