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makingspiritualityreal · 4 months ago

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9th and 12th Houses - How Far is Foreign?

An insight, that adds to depth of understanding of Astrology through diving into Vedic resources is the change in perception between the 12th and the 9th house.

In popular Astrology circles, both of these houses are commonly associated with foreign lands. However, as you explore the meaning of these houses more, you begin to understand them deeper in polarity with their opposite.

The actual house of foreign, far away travel (or relocation, depending on the chart) is the 9th house. That is because the 9th house is the opposite of the 3rd house.

Say you are European, and you lived your whole life in Europe, and you travelled around different European countries to explore the continent. This is the 3rd house. It is the expansion beyond your local home country into exploring its nearest cultural environment, and at the end of such a pilgrimage, you end up with a personal understanding of your individual, cultural identity, which moves you to its emotional interpretation in the 4th house.

But then lets say you travel or move from Europe to Asia, either of the American continents, Australia…take your pick. This is the activation of the 9th house. Because you are no longer exploring just the back yard of a culture with a certain degree of similarity, you are entering a completely new physical world.

This is why houses 9, 10 and 11, and 12th to an extent, are found in charts of famous people. You need to be able to participate in an energy, an idea, that is going to spread into foreign lands to truly be famous. This applies even if we’re talking about online success, which is the way people get recognition nowadays. Otherwise, you are at best a local singer on your continent or your country’s music festival. There is nothing wrong with that of course, as many people love to contribute to their community and they’re happy doing so, but it’s still an accurate observation. You need to be able to go far away, not strictly physically but energetically, to touch a variety of people from many cultures.

You might wonder, how does the 12th house fit into this? Clearly, it’s part of the whole 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th house group, so it should also rule foreign lands. But the 12th house is actually more than that. The 12th house rules a fantastical, foreign idea, that might not necessarily be grounded in the immediate physical, but is nevertheless energetically real and can be accessed from anywhere. It’s the idea of the collective emotional consciousness, that may not have the most quick and obvious material manifestation but is nevertheless a very real thing existing within this Universe.

Up until the 11th house, through 9th and 10th, we are dealing with more or less tangible ideas regarding foreign lands. Let’s say in the 9th house you relocated to a completely foreign culture, in the 10th house you found a way to tangibly join the most prominent physical environment of the world through that culture, in the 11th house you met some of the most prominent, affluent people in the world. I don’t have any 11th house planets, but to give you an idea of how it works, my husband has Venus conjunct Mars in the 11th house, we live in the Las Vegas area, and he plays sports and is casually friendly with some of the wealthiest people in the world, who own successful businesses, own several properties across the world, and spend a lot of their time either making a lot of money or travelling the world, or both. We are not one of those people, but it should give you an idea of what the 11th house is. It’s the creme de la creme of the physical world. I don’t personally interact much with these people, as they are my husband’s friends, not mine, and I don’t play sports with them, but I have a deep awareness of how advanced socially and financially this particular group is, having travelled to many poorer parts of the world. There are people in this world, starving, so in comparison to them, the 11th house society is the top 1% of 1%.

You might think, well, the 11th house is everything, so how can the 12th house be more? The 12th house is more because it sells something even the 11th house people can’t resist, it sells the ultimate fantasy.

In the 12th house we move on to people so wealthy, they barely even interact with others. We move to intangible concepts, physical areas and objects, that provoke people to spend obscene amounts of money simply due to some idea. The 12th house is not just real foreign travel like the 9th house, it is the embodiment of the realisation of all fantasies. That is why Venus is so happy in the 12th house, because it enjoys the ultimate idea of fantastical luxury.

The foreign area that we travel to in the 12th house is not this globe, it is deep inside us. By the time we realise all our fantasies in the 11th house we can feel tired, or even jaded. But in the 12th house we are stimulated to all of our secret, hidden desires being provoked and coming true. This can be done not only within our home, within our room, but completely within our minds. Those, who are successful in the 12th house are those, who made those fantasies concrete enough to realise them and live within them.

What if you could taste and smell the finest perfume created on this planet from purely natural oils? What if you could touch the finest fabrics, created in corners of the world you never even dreamed of? What if you could live this dream, every day, surrounded by an infinite kaleidoscope of the pinnacle of perfection achieved by our planet until this time? “What if?” is the exotic, “foreign”, “far away” dream of the 12th house, and a well realised 12th house is a dream come true.

To offer up an example, in the last few years, youtubers living in rural areas from all over the world have popped up on the internet, offering videos from their seemingly idyllic life. That is the definition of the 12th house fantasy, devoid of the actually reality of having to take the 9th house physical pilgrimage of travelling to rural China and enduring all the difficulties involved with facing the reality of such a location. It may seem idealised, yet the source material for filming is real, so while it may be distant from the viewers geographically, while it may cost the locals a lot of work, it is nevertheless part of an actual, existing reality.

This dream, that can seem excessive to a mundane mind, becomes even clearer in the context of the 12th house’s polarity, the 6th house. The 6th house is the tough battle of dealing with the ugliness and conflict of this world. That is the reality of this physical world for most of us, we get up every day and deal with conflicts, that we have in front of us. It is exhausting, and so the 12th house is everything that heals and soothes the pain of any conflict that ravaged us in the 6th house. It’s the world offering no resistance, it’s all boundaries being breached. After all, in our dreams, or fantasies, we want everything to be perfect and smooth.

Ironically enough, the karaka of the 12th house is Saturn. As someone with significant 12th house influence, it is pretty clear to me why. In order to have only the finest dream come true, to really live in a beautiful fantasy, one actually needs to do a lot of research, be picky, critical and have background expertise and know-how. Otherwise, even as just a consumer, you would be easily fooled, hoodwinked into a fake product, or end up overpaying on something, that is not worth the money you invest into it. Scrutiny of Saturn is necessary for our fantasies to be smooth. It is not something, that is given to us that easily. Saturn also rules isolation, and if the 9th house is foreign, the 12th house is the pinnacle of remote. The 9th house is what is foreign and exciting to us, mentally and physically, but the 12th house represents the most remote corners of both the physical world, and our minds.

This is why the 12th house is the furthest away from the 1st house, our basic, natural, physical life. Because the furthest thing on this planet is not just a foreign continent, it’s a journey inside our minds and emotions, the ability to blend discernment and internal surrender to divine perfection, that leads to manifestation. It is the full depth of untapped potential on the very bottom of our subconscious, a research and response to all collective energetic resources available on the planet, a gold mine waiting to be explored, exploited, and enjoyed. And it is tapping into this gold mine, that has the power to tempt, seduce, and attract people from all around the world into directing their energy towards us, even if we’re physically just sitting in our room, far away from them.

#astrology #9th house #12th house #sagittarius #pisces #astro notes #astro observations

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padfootagain · 1 year ago

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Home for Christmas

Hi everyone! Here is a cute fic for Christmas! I hope all of you who celebrate have a great time <3

Hope you like this silly little fic! Tell me what you think of it!

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Pairing: Hozier x reader

Warnings: none! It’s just cute fluff!!

Summary: Andrew is touring at the moment, and his busy schedule will keep him away for the Christmas season. Or at least, that’s what you thought would happen. That was without counting on how much he missed you.

Word Count: 2390

Hozier's Masterlist - Main Masterlist

24 December.

It’s midday and it’s raining. Against the window panes, the rain falls in a patted rhythm, adding to the soft voice of Ella Fitzgerald, a warmth that lulls you into a gentle sway. Around you, dispersed across the carpet, are a set of gifts, wrapping paper, some tape and glitter. You’re wrapping up presents for Christmas, ready to be delivered on Christmas morning throughout your relatives and friends. It makes for a rather tall pile, as you look at all the work you have left. You’re about half-way through, so you gather your courage in a sigh and get back to work, grabbing a box and some paper and trying your best at turning the whole thing into what vaguely resembles a gift.

On your left, you have set the presents that are already wrapped in red and golden paper. Three of these are for Andrew, and you’re quite proud of what you’ve found for him this year. Your gaze lingers on the items, the ghost of a smile lingering on your lips as you think of him… but you end up looking away in a hurry.

He won’t be home for Christmas this year. His touring schedule won’t allow it. If he’s in Europe, he’s currently trying to catch a few hours of sleep in a hotel room in Vienna.

You’ve thought about joining him on tour for a few days, but you wanted to see your family at Christmas. Besides, the look your mother gave you when you mentioned the idea was enough to make you abandon the thought altogether. She looked too sad for you to go ahead with it. You guessed you would simply have to miss your boyfriend this year.

You aren’t angry or bitter about it, though. It comes with dating a musician. There are moments when he isn’t around, and that’s alright. He makes up for it when he comes home, or when you can join him for a few days. Still, as you glance over at his gifts, knowing that they will remain unopened until mid-January, you can’t help the tug at your heart that thought brings.

You grab your phone as an act of revenge, snapping a pic of the three gifts, and sending them to Andrew.

Your gifts are ready! And as I’m an awful girlfriend, you won’t get any clue to guess what they are until you open them in a month!

You add a few emojis to tease him some more, and wait for the phone to buzz while you go back to work. You’ve got glitter on your fingers, it’s all over the beige carpet too. You don’t mind so much, though.

Your Christmas tree is glimmering on the right side of the room, you’ve turned its lights on to get into a festive mood. You have a cocoa on the coffee table, and a bag of marshmallows as a snack. But despite the music, you can’t help but notice how silent the house is.

No humming, no guitar, no voice lost in conversation with you about the most random topic. No padding steps going back and forth across the living room, no curses after hitting the angle of a table, no clutter made in the kitchen to make something as simple as tea. There’s nothing but Ella’s singing, the rain, and the sharp sound of your scissors cutting the wrapping paper, the quick tug at tapes…

Your phone buzzes, and you drop everything to reach for it. A laughing emoji appears under the name Andy, followed by a short text.

How mean! An awful girlfriend indeed.

A pause, some little dots appearing as he writes another message.

I’m worse though.

You shake your head as you type.

Nah! You’re all good. It will only take some extra chocolate to make me forgive you, that’s all. The worst is being abandoned for gift-wrapping. I’m terrible at it.

You’re too focused on the screen to notice any sound coming from outside, like a car-door closing.

I don’t have chocolate. Opted for flowers instead. Hope that works too.

You giggle at that, failing to hear footsteps before your door.

You still have a month to get the right thing.

You jump as you hear keys unlocking the front door. Frowning, you finally stand. Andrew’s parents have a set of keys, just in case, but they’ve never used them. And why would they when you’re here?

You’ve barely reached the hallway that the door opens… on a very tall figure you recognise in an instant. You gasp at the sight, hands flying up to your mouth.

Andrew, on his part, is grinning like an idiot, soaked despite the small distance he had to cross from the cab to the front door. The rain is still heavy, falling on the bouquet of flowers he’s carrying.

He barely has time to step in, throw a travel bag across the hall, and find shelter in your home that you’re jumping into his arms, and he laughs as he catches you with ease. He hasn’t closed the door yet, the air is cold as it sips into the hallway, but you pay no attention to it. You don’t care either about the fact that your clothes are getting wet against his drenched coat, that your fingers run through wet locks as you pull him closer, that his face is cold as you kiss, at long last, for what seems like forever. But then again, you’ve been waiting to see him for weeks, months even… you can’t be blamed for being eager to catch up on lost time.

“Hey,” he breathes as you finally pull away, although he keeps you in his arms.

Rubbing his nose against yours, your eyes are still closed. His voice is a bit deeper than usual in this whispered tone, and it makes shivers travel up your spine, makes your heart melt in a puddle.

“Hi,” you grin against his lips, stealing pecks there. “What are you doing here?!”

“You didn’t think I would really miss Christmas, did you?”

“But your shows…”

“I have nothing until the 26th. I’m not staying here long, just a couple of days. But I’m home for Christmas, at least.”

You hug him as close as you can, still too much in shock to truly believe that he is here, that this is happening, that he truly is home…

“I thought you couldn’t travel back here, that the flights didn’t fit the schedule.”

“I haven’t slept in 27 hours, but aside from that, it all went well,” he laughed, but you frowned at his statement.

“You couldn’t sleep on the plane?”

He blushes a little, averts his eyes for a second, before looking at you again.

“No, no…” he shakes his head, sounding a little embarrassed but smiling all the same. “I just… I was too excited to see you. Couldn’t fall asleep.”

You coo at him, making him wince as he finally puts you down.

“Oh, don’t start…” he warns you, but you love teasing him too much for that.

“You wanted to see me too much! You’re so cute!”

“I did fly all the way across Europe to see you, remember?”

“That’s what I’m saying. You’re hooked, buddy!”

You both laugh at that, but his smile grows tender as he reaches to brush his thumb across your cheek.

“Don’t I know that already…” he states, and again, the warm feeling spreads across your entire form, a perfect balance of happiness, fondness, and love.

He finally hands you the bouquet, and you breathe in the perfect scent: sweet and addictive, making you dizzy for a moment.

“So… no chocolate,” you tease, and Andrew struggles not to laugh, his smile tugging at his lips.

“No, I’m afraid not. The flowers will have to do.”

You hum, as if pondering.

“You’re lucky they’re so pretty,” you add, and he breaks into a cheeky grin.

“Not as pretty as you, though.”

You laugh, walking to the kitchen to give your flowers a vase and some water.

“Lousy line!”

“It was a masterpiece, are you kidding? That timing! Delivery!”

“And he pretends he’s a poet…”

You both laugh, Andrew has followed you after leaving his coat, scarf and shoes by the door. He wraps his arms around your waist, unwilling to be parted from you even for a minute, chasing after your warmth like a moth to a flame.

He drops a kiss to the top of your head.

“I pretend to be a musician, not a poet.”

“Considering your lyrics, you are a poet.”

You feel him grinning into your hair.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, and you know he’s blushing without seeing his coloured cheeks.

“Thank you for the flowers, I love them.”

“Next time, I’ll get you chocolate. I promise.”

“I was just joking. You didn’t have to get me anything. I was happy enough to simply have you here.”

You turn in his arms to face him, gently pull on the collar of his green cardigan until his lips meet yours, and that’s the best feeling in the world, really, to be there in his arms, to feel his heart against your palm…

But as you look up at him again, you notice the dark traces under his eyes, the heaviness in his eyelids. He looks exhausted, and if he always does when he’s touring, he seems to be barely being able to stand. For proof, he’s leaning more and more against you as he hugs you tight.

Gently, soothingly, you rub his back, and you don’t fail to notice the sigh he lets out, his body relaxing under your hands.

“We still have a few hours before heading to your parents’ house for the evening. Want to take a nap?”

“Only if you come with me.”

“I have to finish preparing all the gifts…”

“We can do that in the morning. We can even just hand them without any wrapping…”

“No! We’re doing this properly!”

“Tomorrow then.”

You yield easily, nodding.

“Alright. You go and dry your hair while I prepare some hot chocolate, and then we cuddle and take a nap. Deal?”

He grins.

“Deal!”

He kisses you again, passionate and overwhelming and leaving you dizzily blinking; before he disappears upstairs to change out of his wet clothes and get dry.

Meanwhile, you’ve prepared some warm beverage for him and go grab your own mug in the living room. You abandon the gifts for now, climb upstairs and under the covers to wait for Andrew.

You’re grinning at the thought of him joining you, and your smile only brightens when he actually does, clumsily hurrying to the bed.

He slips under the covers, on his side of the bed, the one you’ve been staring at for entire nights, feeling the empty space of his absence. He’s barely settled in that you’re already reaching for him. He takes the hand you’re holding out, kissing your knuckles before placing it against his heart.

He takes a few sips of his warm beverage, complimenting your creation before lying down fully with you, tucking you both in, making sure you’re both fully covered by the heavy blankets. You lie there together for a long time, legs tangled to the point that borders between his body and yours disappear, on your sides so you can stare at each other, bathe in the presence of the person you love most in the world, in the warmth of this home you share, this bed that feels empty when you’re not both here.

A few minutes are all that’s needed for the bed to be filled with the warmth of your entwined bodies, and you relax as you shuffle even closer, arms wrapped around his torso. He holds you close, his large palm rubbing circles into your back that make you close your eyes. He rests his forehead against yours, closes his eyes as well.

“God, I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he whispers, his voice quiet and soft in the gentle air of the room, the one disturbed only by your shared breaths, the tapping of the rain, and the occasional movements of your limbs under the covers. “I needed this. Needed to hold you close… you can’t imagine how much I needed this.”

You tighten your hold on him, an attempt to silently tell him that you understand, that you need him too, just as much.

“I’ve missed you too, honey,” you breath, your tone matching his. “So much. I’m so happy you’re home.”

“Only for a couple of days…”

“I don’t care. You’re here, now. That’s all I care about. I might not think the same in a couple of days when I cry my eyes out at the airport but…”

You chuckle together, and he kisses the tip of your nose as a reward.

“Same here,” he mumbles as he buries his head into the crook of your neck, breathing in deeply your scent, the one he tries to get drunk on, to commit to memory so he can reminisce later, once he’s alone again at night in some hotel room.

“Thank you. For coming home to me. Thank you, Andy.”

But he chuckles, shaking his head ever so slightly.

“I did it for myself as much a I’ve done this for you, you know.”

“I bet everyone in the band was tired of you complaining all the time,” you laugh, and he does the same.

“Alex was this close from kicking me out of the bus.”

You double with laughter, and yet keep on holding onto each other just as tightly, unwilling to ever let go again.

“I bet he was!”

He nuzzles into your neck, kisses the skin at the base of your shoulder, making your heart skip beats and your breathing stutter. His beard tickles your skin, and you’re certain you’ve been transported to heaven.

“I love you,” you whisper into his hair, kissing every inch you can reach. You feel his grin against your neck.

“I love you, too. So much, darling.”

You forget to set up an alarm, and when you both fall asleep a few minutes later, you’re too comfortable to wake up. You arrive late at Andrew’s parents’, but they can’t pretend to be mad. They’re too happy to have their son for Christmas, and you feel the same.

#hozier #andrew hozier byrne #hozier x reader #hozier x y/n #hozier x you #hozier fanfiction #hozier fanfic #hozier oneshot #the hoziest #fanfiction #fanfic #writing

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louisupdates · 11 days ago

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WORLDMUSICAWARD: Happy 33rd birthday to the gorgeous, hugely talented Singer, Songwriter, Producer & Global Icon, #LouisTomlinson, who rose to fame as a member of #OneDirection, one of the best-selling Boy Bands of all time, and became a chart-topping, history-making, award-winning Superstar in his own right! 👏🎂🎉🌟🐐👑❤️

Louis has contributed more in songwriting to One Direction than any other band member, with credits on most of the tracks of 'Midnight Memories', 'Four', and 'Made in the A.M.' and on 38 songs across the band's discography, and was the main guy in shifting 1D's music towards a more mature sound...

Louis is an amazing Solo Artist and has so far released 2 studio albums, 1 live album, 11 singles, 1 promotional single and 11 MVs! Louis debuted at #1 in the UK with his 2nd studio album 'Faith In The Future' in 2022 which also reached #5 on the Billboard 200, and spawned the hit singles singles "Bigger Than Me", "Out of My System" and "Silver Tongues"! His debut studio album 'Walls' (2020) debuted at #4 in the UK & #9 on the Billboard 200, becoming the 1st new album for Arista Records in almost 9 years to hit the US top 10! Louis' debut single "Just Hold On" with #SteveAoki reached #2 in the UK, and was certified platinum! In 2017 Louis released "Just Like You", "Miss You" & "Back to You" with #BebeRexha, which was certified platinum in the US and UK! In 2019, he released "Two of Us", a Tribute to his mother, followed by the hits "Kill My Mind", "We Made It", "Don't Let It Break Your Heart" and "Walls" in January 2020!

Louis has embarked on 2 world tours! His 'Faith in the Future World tour' began in North America in May 2023. In the context of the tour, Louis performed in North America and Europe in 2023 and Asia, Australia and Latin America in 2024. In November 2023, after a sold-out concert at the O2 Arena, Louis was nominated for the Live Act Award at the Rolling Stone UK Awards. During the Latin America leg of his 2nd World tour, Louis made history, becoming the 1st male Solo Artist to headline Mexico City's Autódromo Hermanos Rodríguez! He held a charity livestream of the event titled 'For Every Question Why', donating the proceeds to War Child UK. This year, Louis toured a summer 2024 festival circuit, including the Main Square Festival, Pinkpop, Ruisrock, Santander Music, Untold Festival, Sziget Festival, Frequency Festival, Victorious Festival, and Lollapalooza Berlin!

Louis has received numerous accolades including an MTV Europe Award for Best UK Act (2017), an iHeartRadio Music Award for Best Solo Breakout (2028), 3 Teen choice Awards for Choice Music Collaboration for "Just Hold On" (2017), Choice Male Artist (2018) & Choice single Male Artist (2020), a TDY award for Album of the Year (2020) for 'Walls' and most recently a Northern Music Award (2024) for Artist of the Year!

Louis is also a successful Producer and in 2015, he created his own record label, Triple Strings Ltd. In 2021, Louis founded and curated the indie music festival 'Away From Home' and in 2023, he officially launched his 28 streetwear-inspired unisex clothing line!

Louis is an active philanthropist and personally donated £2 million to Believe in Magic, which supports terminally ill children! He's also a Patron of the Bluebell Wood Children's Hospice. In April 2016, he joined the Soccer Aid 2016 star line-up, a biennial fundraiser for UNICEF. Louis actively supported the Black Lives Matter movement in May and June 2020, and attended the George Floyd protests in London.

#hbd louis #hbd 33 louis #happy birthday #louis update #louis tomlinson #louis press #24.12.2024 #louis33

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amelia-acero · 7 months ago

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Hi, my name is Amelia and this my first time writing in very long minute, but I got inspired by the lovely @thefallennightmare , she’s become my favorite writers on this app, with all that being said, someone requested a head canon of the reader having a cryptic pregnancy, she wrote out the head canon and it reminded me so much of my best friend going through that too. I got inspired by it and decided to put my spin in it. So without further ado, please enjoy. I’m gonna use character names, but please feel free to use your own preferred names.

“Oof, damn it that hurt.” Anya whispered to herself, rubbing her back from the most recent cramp out of many for the day.

She was folding up the merch table and boxes of unsold merch from the most recent Bad Omens concert, they were currently in their last show of the tour in Sacramento and we’re all getting ready to head back to their homes. Half in Los Angeles, including her and the other half in Virginia.

“Is your back still hurting darling?” she heard a familiar voice ask. She turned around and saw Noah standing there, looking at her with concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, but this time it felt stronger than the others and now it’s coming every 30 minutes and lasts about five minutes.”

”Would you listen to me if I told you to head to urgent care and get yourself checked out?”

She shook her head while folding up the last box of tshirts.

”I already know what they’re going to say, ‘You have irregular periods, ma’am, It’s just probably your period coming in again.’”

Noah just nodded, after working with them and being on tour with them since their album Finding God, Before God Finds Me came out, they had gotten to know each other and began to really know each other after being in a relationship for almost two years. Noah took the box that Anya was holding and helped put it in the truck where their equipment and merch was being held.

“Come on, let’s get back inside and I’ll make you chamomile tea to soothe your cramps. When did they start?” Noah took off the jacket that he was wearing and put it around Anya’s shoulders, knowing that when she had cramps the cold never did her any favors.

Anya nodded and pulled his jacket closer to her body, while slightly admiring Noah’s body. Something about Noah after a concert always made her want him, but sadly tonight was not going to be one of those nights.

”They started around noon, but only recently they started coming in slightly quicker.”

They reached the door of the tour bus and went inside where the rest of the band was waiting for them.

“We ready to head home?” Matt asked.

Everyone on the bus cheered and loud music began to play from hip-hop to rap to country anything the boys could use to celebrate going home after a long 11 months of back to back tours across North America, South America, Europe and Japan with Bring Me The Horizon, Sleep Token, and Dayseeker. Everyone was more than ready to be back home, none more than Anya; she wanted nothing more to sleep off her cramps and just get enough rest before going through festival season all through California. Noah went to the kitchen part of the bus and poured a water bottle into the kettle, and turned it on. Once the water was ready, he poured the water in a mug and put the tea bag in the mug, and carefully handed it to Anya. She let the boys enjoy festivities and went to the back of the bus and closed the door to get some peace and quiet, drinking the tea Noah had made. After about 3 hours into the drive, she woke up and found that the rest of the bus had quieted down and possibly had fallen asleep. She however was not feeling anymore peaceful and in fact was feeling worse.

“Ahh fuck.” She whispered to herself.

She tried to stand up and sat back down again, the pain being worse than before. She was no longer able to fully stand on her own. Another cramp passed through her and unlike the ones before, this was intense. Anya wrapped her arms around herself and the pain caused her to groan, she tried her best to be quiet to not disturb the guys in case they were asleep. After what felt like forever, she felt someone else’s presence, Anya looked up and saw Noah look at her with concern and fear. He knelt down and tried to sit her up, but instead she just slumped her head on his shoulder.

“Ok, for once this time can you please listen to me when I tell you that I’m going to tell Matt to stop the bus so we can go to the ER. This is way past urgent care at this point.” He said, cradling her head in his hand

”Noah, I promise that I’m fine. It’s just my period about to start.” She said, trying not to worry him.

He gave her a look that clearly said he didn’t believe her for one minute.

“Darling, I’ve seen you on your period, this is way beyond that. Stay here , I’m going to check if Matt or Bryan are awake to help us.”

Noah got up and left the back, after about a long 10 minutes, he came back with Matt, if he was asleep before, he clearly wasn’t anymore after taking one look at Anya.

“Holy Fuck, how long have you been like this?” Matt asked

”I’ve been feeling shitty all day, but it just started feeling worse about almost two hours ago.” Anya said.

Matt knelt down and to get his arm around her.

”Alright man, let’s get her up.” Matt said.

Noah and Matt stood on either side of her and put her arms around their shoulders. As soon as she was up, Anya gasped and felt something warm and wet trickling down her legs. She looked down and saw that her sweats were soaked. Whatever pain she felt was now intensified by tenfold. She bent over and fell back on the floor when the next cramp started again, this one almost causing her to yell out loud.

“Oh fuck, I’ll go tell the driver to drive to the closest hospital, I think were in Fresno right now.” Matt said.

Everyone started to look out their bunks and saw Anya laying on the floor with Noah right at her side. After that everyone immediately woke up and began to help in any way they could.

The bus stopped and without hesitating, Noah picked up Anya and carried her in his arms. He carried her out the bus and through the hospital doors.

”Can we get some help here?” Jolly yelled out

In an instant two nurses, one male and one female came up, and another nurse brought a gurney. Anya could no longer and started yelling out at the pain. Noah placed her on the gurney and was hesitant to let go of her hand.

“Sir, we got her and we’ll get her situated and figure out what’s going on.”

Noah nodded, but was slow to let go of her hand. Anya was wheeled into a private room, and immediately her shirt was raised exposing her abdomen.

“Ma’am we need you to stay still just long enough to see what is going on.”

Anya was writhing around in pain and screamed at the pain, but something felt different, something hard coming out of her.

”I can’t, I feel something coming out.”

The nurses looked up at each other, grabbed a scissor and cut Anya free from her sweats and underwear. The sight astonished them, they looked and saw a head crowning. From that they got a hospital gown on her and immediately moved her into a different room.

“What’s your name sweetie?” The nurse asked.

”Anastasia Mendoza, but I go by Anya.”

“Anya sweetie, I need you to listen to me very carefully, you’re having a baby sweetie and the baby is coming out now sweetie.”

At those words, the world felt like it stopped and Anya looked up at the nurse.

“That’s not possible, I’m not pregnant.”

”Sweetie, unless my eyes deceive me, this baby is ready to come out, whether you like it or not. Now, do you know who the father is and where he is?”

Anya remembered all the times she slept with Noah and realized the possibility of her being pregnant was true, they weren’t truly safe in their sexual activities, but because of her irregular periods, she thought the possibility of her getting pregnant would be slim. She looked at the nurse.

”He’s the one who carried me in the waiting room. His name is Noah Sebastian.”

She nodded and told the male nurse and began to hook her up to machines and heart rate monitors for both her and the baby, and put her feet in the stirrups.

Outside in the waiting room, Noah, Jolly, Nicholas, Folio, Matt and Bryan were all waiting on news, Noah was walking back and forth. Not knowing made his anxiety skyrocket.

”Noah, she’s getting checked out, she’ll be fine, now stop walking back and forth, because I’m getting dizzy watching you.” Folio said.

”Don’t ask me to stop man, Anya’s back there and I don’t know what’s going on with her.”

The male nurse helping Anya came out.

”Noah Sebastian?”

Noah looked and immediately went up to him, along with the rest of the guys.”

“How is Anya doing? Is she alright?”

“Relax sir, everything is fine, both her and the baby are alright. Now if you can follow me, I need you to put on a hospital gown. Right now gentleman, I just need Mr. Sebastian, we can let you know when they can accept visitors.”

In his anxiety induced haze he didn’t catch his mention of the baby. Noah followed behind the nurse and Nicholas stood there thinking over what the nurse just said.

“Did he just say what I think he said?” Nicholas asked.

”If you’re thinking he said baby, then yes, I heard him too.” Bryan said.

Everyone was thinking about the signs they could’ve missed and all the signs that could’ve given away her being pregnant.

“I didn’t even know Anya was pregnant, why didn’t she tell us?” Folio asked

”Man, I don’t think Anya even knew herself.” Matt said.

”I think we should create a baby basket and start ordering what they're definitely going to need now.” Jolly said.

They all left the hospital and began to head to the nearest Target.

”Wait, what about Noah? I don’t think he heard about the part with the baby.” Nicholas asked.

“I think he’ll figure it out when he sees the baby come out dude. Come on.” Matt said

Noah walked to the room while putting on the hospital issued scrub gown and looked up and saw the sign reading ‘MATERNITY WARD’.

“Are you sure I’m in the right place? My girlfriend isn’t pregnant.”

”You’ll see sir.”

He reached the room and saw Anya on the bed and immediately rushed to her side. Anya screaming her head off from the pain and white knuckling the bed rails. She saw him and immediately held on to his hand.

”What is going on?” Noah asked.

”Sir, you're aware that your girlfriend is having a baby right?”

Noah’s eyes widened and realized that this was happening right now, from the bassinet on the side of the bed to everything included in having a baby. At his delayed response, one of the nurses looked at him.

”Sir, if you’re going to faint, just know that we’ll ignore you, because right now we're focused on mom and baby.”

Noah focused on what was going on and gripped Anya’s hand just as hard.

”It’s ok darling, I’m here. Let's do this, you can do this.”

Anya nodded and cried out.

”Ok sweetie, on three you’ll push and push for 10 seconds. One, Two. Three. Push!”

Anya gripped Noah’s hand and began to push.

”Push, Push, Push, Push, Push.” One of the nurses said. After 10 seconds of pushing, Anya couldn’t push anymore.

”Ok, take a quick breather sweetie and then we’ll start again.”

Anya shook her head.

”I can’t, it’s too much. It hurts so bad.”

Noah kissed Anya’s forehead.

”Darling, I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here. You want to break my hand holding it? Do it. Scream my ear off? Scream.” Noah said.

Anya looked up at him.

”Oh my god, we’re actually having a baby right now.” Anya breathed in, sweat sliding down her forehead and her hair clinging onto her head. “Oh my god, we’re having a baby and we have nothing prepared, no clothes, no diapers, no food, nothing.” Anya said, the heart monitor picking up the increase in her heart rate.

”We can worry about that later darling, right now let’s just focus on you and the baby.” Noah said.

”All right sweetie, let’s get ready to push again.” The nurse said.

”On three sweetie, One. Two. Three. Push!”

Anya pushed and pushed the pain becoming unbearable by the second.

“Alright, the head is out, come on sweetie, just a little bit more.”

Anya pushed even harder, Noah looked over and saw the baby’s head and shoulders come out and eventually it’s whole body, the cold in the room making the baby cry out.

“It’s a boy!” The doctor announced.

“Nurse, Date of birth is September 3rd, 2023 and time of birth is 3:23am.”

They took the baby to clean him up and wrapped him up. The baby was crying loudly and when the baby touched Anya’s chest, the baby immediately stopped crying. Afterwards the placenta came and they took it away to ensure that nothing was missing.

“Alright sweetie, you’re going to feel a slight pinch, you tore a little bit, so we’re gonna get you stitched up.”

Anya and Noah both focused on the baby, just absentmindedly nodded. Anya didn’t realize until she felt the prick of the needle. Afterwards it felt like nothing.

“A baby boy Noah, what should we name him?” Anya said, looking up at Noah.

”I don’t know? I’m still trying to reel in from the fact that we became parents without realizing we were becoming parents.”

”Did you notice anything?”

”I mean, I noticed that your breasts were becoming slightly bigger than normal, but I didn’t think twice about it.”

”I also thought my bras and pants were slightly tighter than normal, but I didn’t think about it either, and you know how my periods are at this point, pregnancy was the last possibility on my mind.”

After about 30 minutes of cleaning up Anya, Noah took off his shirt to do skin to skin contact with the baby. Noah held the baby and fed him some formula, while Anya took a well deserved nap. About two hours passed before a flash caught his attention. It was Bryan and Matt, they came in with a diaper bag, filled to the brim and Bryan had his camera on him, ready to take the next picture.

”Hey man, congratulations!!” They yelled out, but Noah was ready to shut them up to not wake up Anya or the baby. Matt put the baby bag in another guest chair.

“Congratulations!” They whispered.

“How’s Anya doing?” Matt asked. Walking over to look at the baby.

Noah looked at her and smiled warmly, that sight was enough to get another picture out of Bryan.

“She did amazing, terrified, but amazing.”

”Yeah, no shit.” Matt said. “Oh fuck! Can I curse around the baby? Oh fuck it, the baby won’t remember this.”

“The baby might not, but I will, so no cursing around my baby.” A sleepy voice joined in. All three men joined to look at Anya. Noah quickly walked to her side, helping her sit up.

”How are you feeling darling?”

”Like a baby I didn’t know I was pregnant with came out of me.” She joked. The baby began fussing at his mother’s voice and Anya began to reach for the baby. Noah helped with handing the baby to her and put his shirt back on.

”Watch his head.”

”I know.”

Once the baby was safely in Anya’s arms. The baby began to settle, Anya looked up at Noah and gave him a loving look.

”I love you so much.” Anya said.

”I love you more.” Noah said. “Please let’s not find out you’re pregnant like this again.” He joked.

Anya giggled, another flash went off and Bryan looked at the camera.

”Speak for yourself, I thought I was going to die.”

”Ha! That shit was terrifying, so please don’t do it again.” Matt said.

Everyone in the room laughed.

“Hey where’s the guys?” Noah asked.

”I’m pretty sure they’re all looking at baby stuff, Matt and I were in charge of the baby bag, and last we saw, Folio and Jolly were arguing about which crib looked cooler and Nick was getting all the stuff you guys actually needed for right now. He’s getting you guys a car seat, he said he’ll rent a car to get you back to LA, while the rest of us go back on the bus.” Bryan said. “We also brought you guys some extra clothes too.”

“ Thank you guys.” Noah said.

“That’s amazing of Nick, I actually didn’t think of it.” Anya said.

”Have you thought of a name yet?” Bryan said.

”To be honest, nothing on my end. Anything on your end love?” Anya asked.

“Nothing on my end either.” Noah said.

Matt and Bryan both got a chance to hold the baby and Bryan got more photos, eventually Nick, Jolly, and Folio came and wished their congratulations, they all brought their own gifts. After a long argument with each other, Jolly finally explained the crib that he chose for the baby and that it was going to be delivered to Noah’s house. Everyone got a chance to also hold the baby as well and a few more pictures were taken by Bryan, afterwards everyone left the new happy family to enjoy their time together.

Anya was holding the baby while she was breastfeeding him. She looked up at Noah and gave him a deep kiss. She looked back at the baby and stared at him with a new found maternal love.

“Do you think we’re ready or will ever be with our new roles as parents?” Anya asked.

“Absolutely not, but as long as I have you and him by my side, we can figure it out together.”

”We really should come up with a name though, I don’t know how much longer I can go with calling our son ‘Baby Boy Sebastian’” Anya chuckled.

”I think I have one in mind.”

She looked down and caressed his hands that held a very special name.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Noah asked.

”Mhmm.”

“I just wish he was here to see this.”

”I think he is, why else would our son be born on his birthday.”

“I think he would get a kick out of knowing he’d be sharing his birthday with a baby.”

The baby began to cry and to keep her from getting up, Noah took Baby Keaton from her and began to change his soiled diaper and change him into a different onesie. Little began to move his hand back to mouth in an attempt to eat something. Noah wrapped him up slightly and picked up his son and kissed his nose.

“I think our son is hungry again. Should I get a formula bottle or do you want to breastfeed him?”

”I’ll do the bottle this time, just so we can get him accustomed to both. Especially if we decide to take him with us on tour.”

Noah carefully placed Keaton in Anya’s arms and while adjusting his shirt she noticed some writing on the shirt with a sharpie, she moved his blanket and saw the words written on his shirt.

’WILL YOU MARRY MY DADDY?’

”Noah what -

She turned and saw Noah kneeling by her bed with a velvet ring box, a beautiful emerald ring surrounded by diamonds and with a white gold band. A little tongue tied, Anya couldn’t find the words to speak.

”I did have reservations for my proposal to you at La Boucherie in about two weeks, not going to lie, before I found you last night, I was looking at the ring in my bunk and practicing on how to propose. If you ask the guys, they’ll tell you that I had each of them practice and pretend to be you to get an idea of your reaction, but this is a lot better. Our son being here with us was very unexpected, but a welcome surprise. So now that I have both of you here, I wanted to ask.”

”Oh Noah…”

”Anastasia Mendoza, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

”oooh.” A little coo-like sound came from baby Keaton.

Noah chuckled.

”I think our son said yes for you.” He whispered.

”Lucky for him, mama can speak for herself and her response is yes. With all my heart. Yes, I’ll marry you Noah.”

Noah placed the ring on her finger and kissed her again. It was all overwhelming, but they both knew that as long as they had each other, it wasn’t bound to be perfect, but it can be easier with each other. They don’t know what the future holds, but each day will bring a new surprise and hopefully they can be prepared.

#noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens headcannons #noah sebastian headcannons #bad omens band #bad omens cult #badomens #badomenscult #concrete jungle #nowah #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fanfic

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starrywyatt · 1 month ago

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chapter 3: he let you have his bed? man's in love!

☆ never saw it comin'- a george clarkey story ☆

! THIS STORY READS BEST IN DARK MODE !

intro

chapter 1

chapter 2

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

madison pov:

i woke up and my surroundings were unfamiliar and then i remembered i was in george's room... in his clothes. i rub my eyes and sit up, deciding i should probably get back changed before facing the others as i don't want to give off the wrong impression.

i get changed and head to the living room to let george know he can go back to his room if he wants to. i open the door and george is already awake stood over the stove, cooking something. "morning" i say, trying not to make him jump. "ahh good morning, did you sleep okay?" he asks. "yeah your beds actually a lot comfier than mine, i think i need a new mattress" i laugh. "did you sleep okay?" i ask. "the sofa is actually not that bad, but i was awoken by arthur leaving early this morning, so i just decided to stay up and make breakfast" he says and i do still feel bad. "ahh that's annoying. thank you so much again for letting me stay over, i'll probably call abi and then we'll get out of your hair" i say, pulling my phone out. "i promise, it's no bother. you can stay for breakfast if you want, i've definitely made enough" he suggests. "are you sure? i wouldn't mind staying" i smile and he begins to plate up some pancakes and bacon.

we sit just us two at the kitchen island and tuck into the food george had made. "oh wow, it's really good. thanks george" i say between mouthfuls. "that's alright, may as well complete the bed and breakfast status" he says and i laugh.

we make small talk about our plans for the week and i realise just how easy he is to talk to and i can tell he takes a genuine interest when i talk to him. "when are you on tour?" he asks. "well, the proposed dates are in june, so in a couple months but i'm just waiting for my manager to let me know if arthur's confirmed the dates" i say. "ahh okay, going all across europe?" he asks. "pretty much, yeah. europe and the uk and ireland so should be good but scary" i laugh. "i'm sure you'll smash it, i mean how many live shows have you played? probably a fair few and festivals? their crowds are probably 3 times the size" he says, trying to reassure me. "you're so right, will just be weird. probably weird for arthur too" i say. "yeah, i mean i've been to all his london shows and i think the biggest is 1000" "aww that's cute that you've been to all of them" i say. "yeah, i mean of course got to support my friends and it's so nice to have friends that make genuinely good music. you included if i'm being nice" he says, jokingly rolling his eyes. "we're friends? aww" i say sarcastically. "don't try it otherwise i'll never be nice to you again" he says, making both of us laugh. and suddenly, we're interrupted by abi and chris walking out his bedroom. abi was in a tshirt that was way too big for her and what looked like chris' boxers, how did we both end up this way? "sounds like you two are having a good morning" chris says and walks over to the kitchen to begin making drinks for him and abigail. she walks over to me and gives me a side hug from my seat. "you okay?" i ask her. "yeah, tired" she yawns. "you slept all the way through the best movie ever, how are you tired?" george says. "you literally turned it off as soon as chris left" i say. "shush" he says and turns back round to his food.

i finish my food and george kindly takes my plate and puts it in the dishwasher and abi finishes her coffee and has some toast as chris' cooking abilities don't stretch too far. she goes and gets changed and we head back home. "thank you so much for having me, hopefully see you again soon" i say, hugging george, i turn round and see abi and chris chatting away in the corner and turn back to george and shake my head and he just laughs. i clear my throat and they both turn around and hug goodbye before me and abi head downstairs.

"so, did you kiss?" i ask abigail. "no! just cuddled. it was nice but no he didn't make a move" she shrugs. "maybe the boys were right about his bad rizz" i laugh. "you and george? there's definitely something going on" she says, changing the subject. "literally no! i just had no other option because someoneeee fell asleep" i say, nudging her side and she just looks away. "it's fine, i slept in his bed and he took the sofa." "he let you have his bed? man's in love!" abigail says. "shut up! he's literally not... is he?" i smirk. "i'm joking! i'm joking" i say straight after, laughing. "do you like him?" abi, nudges me as we get onto the tube. "i don't know him well enough to like him! but he's good to talk to i don't know. i'm saying no right now. i think we'd just be friends" i say and abigail just smirks.

i get home and olivia finally calls with the final decision from arthur's team. "hellooo" i say. "right, finally spoke to arthur's management and tour is a go! he is free for all the dates and as i'm sure you're aware, very keen to come. someone from the label is making the graphic as we speak and then you can post it tonight" she explains and i'm excited to finally tell everyone the exciting news.

as i'm laying in my bed scrolling tiktok, i receive a message from andrew.

i was planning on bed rotting for the rest of the day, so i suppose it gets me out the flat. i flick through my wardrobe and spend far too long deciding on an outfit but i finally do and decide to tease the tour announcement on instagram...

my dms are immediately flooded with questions and i have to fight the urge to leak it to everyone. as i'm about to leave, i get a notification:

georgeclarkeey liked your story

why does that plaster a stupid smile on my face? i snap out of it and wait on the corner for max and andrew to appear as my flat was on their way to wagamamas. "oh hello" i hear max's voice from behind me. "hellooo" i hug both of them. "you look nice!" andrew says and we pull away. "thanksss" i smile and we head to the restaurant.

"so, did you speak to arthur?" max asks as we sit down. "yeah, it's happening! i went to the boy's flat the other night and told him" i explain. "umm where was our invite?" max says. "sorry! i was just gate crashing abi's plans with chris" i explain. "yeah, what's going on?" max asks and i explain that there's pretty much nothing but they're being very flirty. "speaking of flirty, george told me you stayed over" andrew says. "what? when did he tell you that?" i laugh nervously. "i went to their podcast filming today, he seemed pretty happy with himself for it" andrew raises his eyebrows. "that makes it sound like we slept together. abi fell asleep, so i went in his bed and he slept on the sofa" i shrug. "interesting" max says. "what!" i laugh. thankfully the topic is diverted and we have a nice meal.

"it's so fun being a third wheel" i say sarcastically as max and andrew have a quick kiss. "well, we could've invited george" max says. "right, i'm going toilet" i say, actually needing to go.

we pay the bill and head home, i get in and abi's not here. i pull my phone out and have a few notifications:

💬messages george clarke

i assume abi's already messaged but she's come over to see chris

if you're free after dinner, me and arthur are just hanging out if you want to come over

💬messages abigail <3

just heading over to see chris, feel free to come also after dinner! hope you had a nice meal

the messages were sent over an hour ago and it was now 10pm, so i decide it's probably a bit too late to head over now. i message both of them back.

i take a seat on the sofa and turn the episode on and am laughing within the first 20 seconds. max and george's personalities just fit so well. i make it through the first 15 minutes and then the story begins. i vaguely remember george telling me about this when we were drunk but he didn't explain the full thing. however, after listening to the story i actually just feel really sad for george because from what i've seen of him he does seem like a genuinely sweet guy and that is a really horrible thing for someone to do.

(aware 10pm on a sunday is a random time to announce a tour but for the sake of the story just go with it lol)

george also shared the post to his story...

i answer the call and am met with george's face right up close. "oh, camera's on. hello" he says, making me laugh. "hello" i reply. he turns the phone around to face abi. "oh hello. sorry, i came over to the boy's flat and now we're building lego so i'll probably stay over" she explains. "damn, i've been replaced" i fake cry. "you could've come!" she says. "i know, i know i'm joking. i kinda like having the empty flat" i shrug. "i can't lie watching these two build lego is tedious. i'll probably head to bed soon" george explains, sitting back in his seat. "how was your dinner with max and andrew?" george asks. "yeah it was nice. ended up staying much later than intended because max had a million things to tell me" i laugh. "classic max" george sighs sarcastically. "but it was good. actually, when does the best episode of the useless hotline so far come out?" i ask. "my solo episode isn't happening for a few weeks" george says in joke confusion. "ha ha, i mean my episode bitch" i reply. "oh, i think it's been pulled, callum predicted views to be too low... next sunday" he sighs. "good, give the people what they want" i shrug. "is arthur there?" i ask. "yeah, do you want to talk to him?" george asks. "yes please" he walks into the kitchen and hands his phone to arthur. "hello! oh george george, that hinge girl just messaged you that your penis was really big and she wants to shag again" arthur says pretending to read a notification, looking up at george and i laugh. "shut up arthur, that can't be true because it's tiny" george replies, not appreciating arthur pretending to embarrass him.

"how do you feel about the tour announcement?" i ask. "good! most of the comments have been positive" "yes, people are so happy you're coming! i'll probably come to yours when tickets go on sale so we can be nervous together" i laugh. "yeah definitely. when is that, friday?" he asks and i confirm. "can you guys shut up now, i want my phone and my bed" george walks over and me and arthur say goodbye. "rude" i smirk to george. "well, i'm tired and watching chris and abigail is like watching paint dry" george says. "can i say bye to abi?" i ask and george walks over with his phone. "goodnight guys" i say. "night night, i'll be home tomorrow morning" abi says. "okay, have fun but not too much" i raise my eyebrow.

george walks back to his room. "right i'm gon-" he starts. "wait, have they kissed?" i whisper. "umm, i don't think so. lots of physical contact but chris is a pussy so i don't know if that will happen" george says. "for fuck sake, he needs to hurry up" i say. "he's only got little legs bless him, he probably can't even reach her lips" george jokes. "for fuck sake" i say through laughs.

we wrap up the conversation and i decide it's also time for me to head to bed. "alright, good night george" i smile. "good night madi" he says and we end the call. madi? that's the first time he's called me that.

apologies about the way the text messages are laid out, transferring this from wattpad and tumblr layout is funny

#george clarke #george clarkey #arthurhill #arthur hill #chrismd #arthur hill y/n #george clarkey x reader #george clarkey y/n

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jokeroutsubs · 6 months ago

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[ENG TRANSLATION] Joker Out, or the return of faith in the power of music:

Original article written by Žikica Milošević for EXIT 13.07.2024. English translation by IG irenalemajic, proofread by IG gboleyn123

The second night of Exit Festival 2024 on the Tesla Universe stage was literally and thematically dedicated to pop music, specifically 'classic', 'old school' pop music. The most significant stage of the festival was marked by performers from Slovenia and Vojvodina, so the north of former Yugoslavia demonstrated how to create an atmosphere and memorable songs.

And it began powerfully, while the sun above Petrovaradin Fortress, after another day of being merciless, was still blinding the performers, because Astrid & The Scandals got on the stage at 7:30 p.m. restoring our faith in alter-pop, as well as in Slovenian talent to produce hitmakers. In the old Yugoslavia, Slovenians were always at the forefront of musical breakthroughs, dictating trends along the Ljubljana-Zagreb-Belgrade axis. Independent Slovenia no longer had a lead role and for many decades we did not hear performers similar to Laibach, Pankrti, Lačni Franz or Buldožer, but the situation has abruptly changed in the past few years.

Instead of avant-garde and peculiar performers, hitmakers and creators of great pop music are now coming from Slovenia. The bouncy Astrid energetically announced the 'new era', adding oriental elements to her music, dancing seductively and delivering vocal virtuosity. Undoubtedly, she is 'the next big thing' in pop music in the region, and with a bit of luck, in Europe as well.

It has not happened for a long time, that the atmosphere becomes so 'heated' already at 8 p.m, but Astrid had already raised the temperature and the girls in Joker Out T-shirts were in the front rows even during the performance of Ljubičice, which perfectly continued the series of performances this evening. Their concert is a kind of poetic justice - they were supposed to lead the Main Stage at Exit in 2019 at 8 p.m. but unfortunately, the storm cut the program short and 'plucked' them from the lineup.

In the meantime, the band from Pančevo, which is composed of the two Stevanović brothers, who got a classical music education, has grown into a trio, since Olga Petrović has recently joined them as the 'third flower' in their little bouquet. There's an old saying that 'Vojvodina is Britain and Belgrade is America' in music, and pop bands from Vojvodina are widely known for their fresh melodies and hit potential and Ljubičice who, with their 'brotherly and neighbourly' band Buč Kesidi, began to conquer the region even before the pandemic, gaining fame with the song 'Jedva čekamo rat ljudi protiv mašina'. Ljubičice are the kind of pop band we've needed for a long time, and if their songs reminded me of anything, it is the sunset in summer...of 1983. A mixture of funk, synthwave and nostalgia, combined with guitar and bass skilfulness, gave us an excellent overture for what will happen later. Vuk reminded the audience that they performed at Exit back in 2014 on the Jack Daniels Stage, when they were young and relatively unestablished – and now they command the stage as if they were born to it.

And then - Joker Out, heartbreakers from Ljubljana, form with substance, the best of both worlds. It was clear to us what to expect when, at the mere hint of their entrance, the screams of the girls began, which I remember from the documentaries about The Beatles. Love messages on cardboard signs, choral singing, fantastic communication between the band and the audience were evident right from the opening song, 'Katrina'.

Joker Out are much more raw and more guitar-driven during their live performances than on their 'polished' recordings and the influences of bands such as Arctic Monkeys or The Strokes are evident.

On the other hand, the fascination of the female part of the audience is completely understandable, because besides the fact that they really know how to play, all five members have a 'superstar vibe', in the way Duran Duran or Spandau Ballet once had the same vibe. I believe that the last time such a reception was registered was during the era of boy bands 20+ years ago, but the Jokers are anything but a boy band. Singer Bojan Cvjetićanin probably 'reaped' the biggest 'harvest' of love from the audience, but the other members are not that far behind.

Slovenian is 75% understandable when read or spoken, which drops to 50% when sung (and when thousands of girls are singing along with Bojan), but it's clear that the lyrics are engaged in a way similar to Buč Kesidi – precisely dissecting the everyday life of young people in a big city, their disappointments, dates, breakups, loves and sorrows...

Bojan won the hearts of the local audience from the very beginning by addressing them in Serbian and he also managed to make a 'population census' among the attenders. We saw that (incredibly loyal fan base) quite a number of spectators came from Slovenia, but that there were even more people from the other parts of the former Yugoslavia and even those who understand none of our languages - simply driven by their love for the band that gained wider popularity at Eurovision in 2023.

The Jokers did not hide their exitement to perform on this already legendary stage.

The concert continued with a series of songs that are 'friendly' for parties, bedrooms, the beach and the radio - 'Plastika, znanstvena fantastika' and Bojan's sharp analysis of the 'culture' of plastic beauty made me look around and conclude that none of the girls in the audience were 'plastic' - which is a breath of normality and freshness we've been lacking now that we are wrapping up the first quarter of the 21st century. A better future is still possible, even though a worse present is dominant.

Joker Out jokingly call their style 'shagadelic rock' (translate it by yourself, but watch Austin Powers first), but there is nothing funny about their music. All of their songs are in Slovenian, except for two they performed in Serbian¹ (Bojan’s background allows him to play with languages and easily switch from one to another) and one in English.

In the song 'Tokio', they took us to Japan and sang part of it in Japanese too, previously teaching a 'little course on love expressions in Japanese.'

'The song that brought us here – 'Carpe Diem'!' – Bojan shouted and the audience received an infusion of energy and joy. Indeed, it was almost unimaginable 20 years ago that a 'schlager festival' would produce new stars and headliners, but Eurovision has become just that – a springboard. And it doesn't matter that they were 21st in the competition. Who cares about numbers – some performers are there to win points during the competition and some are there to conquer the world after the competition. The last song, 'Šta bih ja', was perfectly timed to be released on Friday, on the day of the concert – and it tells us, somewhat in the manner of 'Arctic Monkeys listening to Sarajevo pop', about the experience of life in London.

Joker Out brought 'sexy' back to pop music. We didn't lack cheap sex appeal all these years, but we did miss sophisticated and rock sex appeal. They brought the classic pop formation back big time – and we've missed it. They brought the energy back to the stage, female fans who travel to see them, scream their names and know all the songs by heart.

I can imagine the 'good old' days of girls' bedrooms decorated with their posters. Even if they hadn't recorded a single good song, all of this would have been enough and refreshing. But they recorded plenty of good ones. And somehow I believe we witnessed history and the beginning of a 'stellar' story with five guys from Ljubljana in the lead role.

¹In this case, the author of this article is referring to two songs that have already been released in Serbian, 'Ona' and 'Demoni'.

The band now has three songs in Serbian, including 'Šta bih ja'.

#joker out #jokeroutsubs #bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #jan peteh #nace jordan #kris guštin #kris gustin #jure macek #jure maček

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teecupangel · 1 year ago

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Ok so because I was rewatching Disney and DreamWorks imagine if Ratonhnhaké:ton was in like a musical, kind of like Hamilton but in real life. I don't know how that will work and I'm slowly losing cells so yeah : P

“There is something you must know before you leave.” The clan mother, his grandmother, spoke solemnly.

Ratonhnhaké:ton stared at her and waited for her to continue.

She was giving him permission to leave their village after all. The least he could do was heed her warnings and take her words to heart.

“These white men have a curse placed upon them.”

“A curse?” Ratonhnhaké:ton repeated with a frown.

“Yes, they are slaves to the music only they hear.” She explained, “We know not why it is so but they would be taken in by the desire to sing and be unable to resist it. No matter the place or the time, when they hear the music, they must sing.”

She stared at her only grandson as she continued, “Your mother and I… we were worried that you have gotten their curse but not once have you ever shown to bear the same curse as they have. That might change once you walk among them.”

She must have seen the disbelief that he was trying to hide for she sigh as she said, “You must be careful, Ratonhnhaké:ton. Who knows what this curse truly entails. We can never be certain that this curse is not simply the inescapable call of music.”

“I… understand.” Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded, “I will be careful.”

The clan mother knew that Ratonhnhaké:ton didn’t truly understand but she said nothing, only telling him to be careful.

He will understand soon enough.

Unorganized Notes:

So my idea is that the Europeans are the ones hit by this ‘curse’. They’re compelled to sing whenever they hear the music and it happens a lot. The natives see this and are like “???” but to the colonizers, it’s just… par of the course.

This does mean those who weren’t born or raised in the parts of Europe like Adéwalé do not sing. He does sing with the crew when it’s sea shanties but any dance number and such? Nope, he was the ‘straight dude’ in the Jackdaw.

This means that Achilles also doesn’t sing so he’s able to tell Ratonhnhaké:ton how it looks and feel like to give him a head’s up.

The Kenways, Edward, Haytham and even Jenny, usually sing very dramatic songs. It shows as the kind of “find my freedom and goal” uplifting songs for Edward, the whole “I want to be me” kind of songs for Jenny and the “villain song that is always the best song in the album” type of songs for Haytham (bonus points for Haytham having his own Gregorian chant backup singers to connote his Templar background).

Ratonhnhaké:ton does not sing but… he does hear the music.

If you want to turn this into a Hamilton crossover, go ahead. That means Ratonhnhaké:ton has to deal with Hamilton’s… everything whenever he has to talk to Washington XD

Whatever is making them sing sees Ratonhnhaké:ton as ‘part’ of the ensemble so you get scenes like Haytham singing a duet with Ratonhnhaké:ton but Ratonhnhaké:ton does not know the lyrics and would rather strip naked and run away from wolves all night long than sing.

The same thing happened to Charles Lee but Ratonhnhaké:ton was busy beating the crap out of him.

The whole confrontation with Washington, Haytham and Ratonhnhaké:ton ends with Haytham and Washington singing with some ‘dead spaces’ here and there where it’s clear that it was Ratonhnhaké;ton’s turn to sing.

The music in the homestead are always jolly (unless something bad happens) and they always include Ratonhnhaké:ton. Unlike the other times, they don’t try to make Ratonhnhaké:ton sing and Ratonhnhaké:ton just joins in the festivity more or less. Achilles takes the ‘I’m the grumpy one who doesn’t sing’ part in these musical numbers instead.

… Haytham definitely sang a very embarrassing love song that was meant to be a duet to Kaniehtí:io. Kaniehtí:io was amuse. Haytham was embarrassed.

Why are the colonizers singing? Isu BS. Apollo, Bragi and Meret got super drunk and fucked up the ‘latest’ batch of humans to be processed for shits and giggles. They ran away before Yaldabaoth saw them and he’s been so overworked that he just… didn’t give a shit and sent these batch as is.

#ngl #this gave me #the man who didn’t like musical vibes #might be because i just watched nerdy prudes must die XD #is this crack?#look i can’t write song lyrics and stuff #so just imagine them having banger songs #assassin's creed #ratonhnhaké:ton #connor kenway #haytham kenway #george washington #achilles davenport #ask and answer #teecup writes/has a plot #fic idea: assassin's creed #i'm not tagging hamilton #since we didn't say this was absolutely a crossover #i only suggested it

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deadcactuswalking · 1 month ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/11/2024 (Kendrick Lamar's GNX, Wicked Soundtrack with Ariana Grande & Cynthia Erivo, Stromae & Pomme)

Kendrick Lamar is Santa, Ariana Grande is Mrs. Claus, and God, do we have a lot of elves. I suppose that makes Gracie Abrams Rudolph, since she’s leading the pack for a sixth week at #1 for “That’s So True”. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, gang violence, potential spoilers for Wicked Part One

Rundown

As always, we start our week with the notable dropouts, those being songs exiting from the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This episode, we bid adieu to: “Two Faced” by Linkin Park and “Running Wild” by Jin – both off the debuts last week – as well as “São Paulo” by The Weeknd and Anitta, “Love Somebody” by Morgan Wallen, “Indestructible” by Andy C and Becky Hill, “TOO COOL TO BE CARELESS” by PAWSA, “Diet Pepsi” by Addison Rae, “BACKBONE” by Chase & Status and Stormzy, “Slow it Down” by Benson Boone, “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe, “Riptide” by Vance Joy, and finally, “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls. It is safe to say that at least some of these tracks make their return once Father Christmas has dropped the gifts off at the chimney.

Now for the festive flood, and whilst I won’t mention gains for pre-existing holiday tracks outside of the merriest three, we do have plenty of Christmas-related returns this week – every year has the chart week where the floodgates open for holly jolly hits – and even some seasonal new entries which we’ll get to. For now, we welcome back: “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #75, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #72, “Sleigh Ride” by The Ronettes at #66, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by the late Dean Martin at #65, “Step into Christmas” by Sir Elton John at #56 (I love that one), “Winter Wonderland” by Laufey at #55 (more from her later), “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Bublé at #51, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid at #45 and “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran and Elton John at #31. Our three jolliest jingles are “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” at #20, “All I Want for Christmas is You” at #10 and “Last Christmas” at #8. I would say it’s too early for all that but my tree’s already up, and the only gain we get outside of this is “Messy” by Lola Young at #41, which I can’t complain about.

As for our top five… I suppose it’s best to break the news now. Kendrick Lamar’s new #1 album GNX and the soundtrack to Ariana Grande-led fantasy musical film Wicked have both debuted three songs – the maximum under UK chart rules – and they’ve all landed high up in the top 20. We can see quite early how this affects us, as Kenny takes “luther” with SZA at #5 and “squabble up” at #4. The top three, however, has not shifted in the slightest, with “APT.” by ROSÉ and Bruno Mars at #3, “Sailor Song” by Gigi Perez at #2 and of course, Ms. Abrams at the very top. Now, before we get into the big events, we of course have the filler episodes.

New Entries

#67 – “Christmas Magic” – Laufey

Produced by Laufey and Spencer Stewart

We start our week – of course – with the Amazon Originals. For those who don’t know, Amazon Music makes original holiday tracks with often famous artists, either for their bargain-bin Christmas films or as standalone tracks that automatically play when you ask Alexa for Christmas songs, hence run the streams up from automatic and passive listening but don’t have much of an impact on a lot of the population’s streaming rotation because they simply do not have access to it. It’s a questionable approach, for sure, but now it has been the norm for so many years, I no longer feel the need to complain about it. I used to review suggestions in protest, but this year, I decided that it’s really not difficult to find these songs without an Amazon product or subscription, and I may as well review them even if for the most part, they’re just vaguely festive slop. Plus, sometimes they are cover versions and hence I can talk about chart history. This does not appear to be the case for either of our new Amazon tracks, starting with Icelandic jazz singer Laufey’s “Christmas Magic” – if there’s any time of the year where her bordering-on-easy-listening style is going to gain the most traction, it would be Christmas, and this is fully a traditional Christmas song, with bursts of swing sax and sleigh bells backing what is basically a list of clichés. Laufey sounds nice as always, but it’s so short and there’s so little to it in all avenues of music – performance, lyrics, instrumentation – that it really can’t rise above vague pleasantry.

#49 – “It Can’t Be Christmas” – Tom Grennan

Produced by the Ghosts of Capitalist Past, Present and Future

Find Tom Grennan in around 30 days time and tell him what day it is, he won’t believe it. Anyway, we have our second Amazon-exclusive track, another original, this time from British pop-rock boy Tom Grennan, a semi-regular fixture on this series for the past few years. The horns are flatter here than on Laufey’s song, the tempo is fixed at a staggered classic soul pace which has never always fit holiday music for me – it’s usually used for Christmas songs that are more longing relationship, by-the-fireplace kind of songs, but there’s a cold angst to that drum rhythm to me, especially when in this context of a manufactured mix and song structure cut down for optimal length and audience retention. Grennan’s delivery flails into a really pathetic rasp, especially in that rough bridge, it sounds like a first take, and the staccato backing vocals don’t do much to sugarcoat it. It plays out less like an original Christmas song and more drunken karaoke from a wannabe Teddy Swims. Thanks, Bezos, we really needed this in the repertoire – besides, if you’re going to make a sincere attempt at introducing your song into the Christmas canon, why make it platform-exclusive to a platform largely not considered a major competitor in that particular medium? It’s like making a blockbuster film only available in cinemas located in Bedford – like, sure, people can see it but you have to go to Hampshire and not everyone’s going to be in Bedford all the time, in fact, most of the country won’t, though it’s not that difficult to get to anyways. And yes, Tom Grennan is from Bedford, and no, I didn’t know that before I wrote this analogy in, seriously.

#21 – “Ma Meilleure Ennemie” – Stromae and Pomme

Produced by Stromae, Mako and Luc Van Hayer

So, this kind of came out of nowhere. Stromae hasn’t charted internationally in a while and does not do so very often nowadays, especially in the UK, but he’s a Belgian singer best known for his 2009 smash hit “Alors on danse”, which this has amazingly out-peaked and once I found out why, I was a lot less excited to figure out why this duet with French singer Pomme had made a big splash when no non-massive event is otherwise getting through the holiday freeze. To keep it simple, as we’ll be talking about in-universe nonsense a lot for the rest of this episode, this is a song from League of Legends spin-off Netflix series Arcane, about a complicated relationship between two characters that starts off really antagonising and blossoms throughout the series, especially the second season which has recently premiered. I actually really like this song too, with the slightly off robotic vocoder functioning as those emotions coming to boil and bubble up inside the two characters, but not feeling too coherent yet, and Stromae’s spoken delivery fitting wonderfully over a reggaeton beat with a lot of space in the mix for phased wave synth pads and choir swells that take a human touch to a potentially over-produced and slodgy rhythm that comes with slowing a reggaeton drum pattern down and fuzzing out the mix. It’s a pretty good song outside of that, on strength of its chorus and concept, which fits what I’m told is the premise about a city and its seedy underbelly. If there’s cyborgs in the show, this is such a cyborg-coded song, and that’s the kind of in-depth observations you read this for. Between this and “Enemy” a few years back, maybe this show has something to it. Now speaking of shows I’m out of my depth on…

#17 – “What is This Feeling?” – Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo

Produced by Stephen Schwartz, Stephen Oremus, Greg Wells, Jon M. Chu, Marc Platt and Maggie Rodford

So, I have not seen Wicked, and I probably never will – it’s the first part of a musical I have no interest in stretched out to a film adaptation of two and a half hours. No amount of positive reception will bring me to see that. However, I had cleverly predicted this outcome and enlisted a duo of undercover spy agents to research and recount details of the piece to inform and assist with this episode. For the sake of anonymity, I shall call them Jessie and James, and yes, I’m Meowth, that’s right. Bear with me here, as like a third of this episode will be plot details for a movie I haven’t seen, but I will try and keep it brief as unlike Kendrick’s songs, these have very little chance of sticking around once the hype has dissipated. This song is from when the two students at “Shiz University” (again, bear with me) first meet: Galinda, an elite sorceress played by Grande, and Elphaba, the titularly wicked witch played by Erivo, write to their parents about each other and their initial experience as roommates. Apparently, this is near-unchanged from the musical version (which is itself adapted from a novel, itself adapted from The Wizard of Oz), and acts as a reversion of the “hate-to-love” trope in conventional musicals, by presenting two characters who absolutely love to hate each other and finding exhilaration in a quickly-onset and potentially longstanding loathing. My secret agent calls it a “toxic yuri anthem”, whatever that means – I like the intensity of the strings and especially the horns as the song ramps up, and for a show tune, the soundtrack version is less flat than many a musical track sounds in studio quality, even if the drums don’t hit like they should. I do find Ari – sorry, I mean Galinda’s lengthy description of her green counterpart being met with a short and snappy “Blonde.” from Elphaba pretty funny and, if I were more attuned with the narrative, probably an appropriate summary of their characteristics. A song about mutual hate written as if it were a cutesy love ballad is a cool take, especially in the bombast of a musical, but it doesn’t fully connect with me all the way through, it loses me a bit once we get into the choir parts. You know what didn’t need to take time to lose me?

#13 – “Popular” – Ariana Grande

Produced by Stephen Schwartz, Stephen Oremus, Greg Wells, Jon M. Chu, Marc Platt and Maggie Rodford

Now I do know this one! Is it because Ari had covered it prior with MIKA? Yes. Do I like that version? No, it’s horrible, but that is in part why it stuck with me and also in part why I cannot watch this film, as if I at any point think of MIKA in a cinema, security may need to intervene. Yes, I still find this song really annoying in whatever form, but what I didn’t know until now is that I’m somewhat supposed to. The musical’s most famous but not most iconic track, performed by Galinda alone, shows her as a bit of a smug, superficial pest obsessed with “improving” her newfound friend Elphaba that she sees as needing to be changed drastically to gain approval from her peers. The “la-la-la” hook is still incessant, but it plays onto “political performance themes” (quoting my spy) and given its status as both a fan and general audience favourite, I’m sure it’s exciting in the film’s context, and though one of my confidantes loved the extended outro, I find lengthening “Popular” to be somewhat like making sure your murder victim gets slapped around before you stab him, especially since the instrumentation is largely barebones. I get why the song is like it is and at least it’s not the MIKA version, but I’m still not a fan.

#7 – “Defying Gravity” – Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande

Produced by Stephen Schwartz, Stephen Oremus, Greg Wells, Jon M. Chu, Marc Platt and Maggie Rodford

It turns out, coincidentally, that the songs’ chart order also reflects that of the musical, so we observe the character arcs in real time. A seven-minute showstopper, “Defying Gravity” may be the most impressive number, so immersive as a song in thematic context that it’s part of why the film has been split into two different parts instead of released as a whole: it’s built specifically to bring a curtain down to intermission, so the producers cut the film not long after so the events following such a grand, iconic moment didn’t end up “hugely anti-climactic”. I mean, the song is called “Defying Gravity” – leaving the audience with a song that, according to my team of associates, gives them goosebumps, may be more powerful than bringing the film back down to Earth at any point, if it were possible. For the sake of chart history, Elphaba’s stage performer Idina Menzel recorded the song as a single, and therefore, this is the one song from the musical we get here to have charted several times, first with Menzel for a #60 peak in 2008, secondly with the cast of the TV sitcom Glee in 2010 for a peak of #38. To track that in the real world, the #1s at those dates were Rihanna’s “Take a Bow” and Tinie Tempah’s “Pass Out”… which both kind of make sense for such an extensive, transforming song about the two main characters coming to grips with how they’re just too vastly different to go in the same direction, and because of that, it’s a particularly powerful song for Elphaba. One of my friends – I mean, undercover employees prefers Adele Dazeem’s version but Cynthia Erivo’s performance here took me aback by sheer strength in just the audio so I’m sure I’d be impressed seeing its scenes play out on screen or stage. That hook really clings to you as an earworm and whilst getting there each time may not be the most fun to follow, that makes it all the more satisfying once you’re there, and this really is a special tune, even out of narrative context, so I completely understand why, despite the length, this is the highest-charting from Wicked. Once again, thanks to Team Wicked for equipping me with details regarding the film and its source texts because doing actual research is for nerds. Who the Hell would write a chart show based on actual research, facts, history and fair analysis for over half a decade? ...Well, maybe Spectrum Pulse.

#6 – “tv off” – Kendrick Lamar featuring Lefty Gunplay

Produced by MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

All three of Kendrick’s top 10 debuts from his most recent surprise album – dropping in the middle of the afternoon UK time last week – appear in a row from #6 to #4 and we also don’t get any of the denser tracks, which is to be expected but does mean we partially lose a layer we could use to discuss the album with. This isn’t a problem, though, for if there’s any album in his discography that Kendrick wants you to feel and not overthink about, it’s his series of West Coast tributes seemingly made in just the past few months that he calls GNX. I’ve always been less enamoured by Kendrick than many others, because of what in my opinion is a spotty catalogue and messy approach from his output, DAMN. onwards, but a lower-concept, mixtape-esque record from him may be just what I’ve wanted him to get at since To Pimp a Butterfly. There are themes worth getting into on this album, for you to evaluate and take piece by piece, but there’s nothing cryptic, which isn’t necessarily a problem for me regardless, I can enjoy plenty of abstract rap, but it also means the album’s less heavy, more of a concise product that tells you quite explicitly how Kendrick is feeling. Hateful, he is feeling hateful and he's absolutely proud of finally having the angle and time in his career where proving himself isn’t necessary, and he can pull up to the Super Bowl with a set of new bangers he hasn’t gotten sick of yet, or even thought too hard about in the first place. There’s a real release in this album that comes with the post-Drake beef success: near-unanimously crowned the winner, dragged through the mud and coming out clean as a whistle in the public’s eyes, he realises that he can show off some jams that’ll resonate with his folks in California and boost that scene to worldwide status. As silly as it sounds, it might be my favourite Kendrick Lamar album.

Now as for the three track we have here, I’ll zoom through them, as we have two energetic West Coast bangers and one R&B cut, starting off with what might just be my favourite track, and I’m sure many agree: “tv off”. Produced by Mustard, who takes the same Monk Higgins album to flip as he did for “Not Like Us”, alongside Sean Momberger, Kamasi Washington, Jack Antonoff (of all people, he’s all over the record) and Kenny’s long-time producer Sounwave, Kendrick starts off with what may be the mission statement of the album: he’s finally bought his dream car, and he’s set out on the goal of making hits for the people: “fuck being rational, give ‘em what they asked for”. Once letting you know his rationale, he sets the score over a shrill sample chop that rings of all the malice he self-admittedly approached this project with, the beat animated by his manic flipping between his now signature goofy voice (a nasal whine), restless yelling and deadpan, sick-and-tired rambling. The main conceit of the song is authenticity, how Kendrick feels like he’s the only real one in the game, and there are not enough people like him, which leads to catchy flows and great brags like how he can afford to cut his grandmother off if she doesn’t agree with him (so much for keeping the family close), but also comes with the underlying knowledge that he’s admitting he himself is not enough to save his culture from losing the plot. Of course, the song only really switches into gear with the beat switch, as over a menacing loop from a Disney soundtrack of all places, Kendrick memetically screams “Mustard!” when the beat drops as if the guy who produced “Freaky Friday” was a Dragon Ball antagonist. His scream is not just for the meme, though, he explains why: he wants to walk into the Super Bowl in New Orleans, Louisiana with the energy of his hometown of LA, and part of that is screaming California’s biggest producer as part of Kendrick’s own personal victory lap. That’s kind of beautiful, but you wouldn’t know it from Kendrick’s grimy verse and intricate rhyme schemes all enveloping from an already ruthless Biggie interpolation. I particularly love the second half verse from the “prophetic”-“cosmetic” bar onwards, the fricative mouthful leading into that second pained “Mustard!” release is such a great moment. And if you don’t know who Lefty Gunplay is, well, you weren’t supposed to, not only was he initially uncredited but he, as one of many West Coast underground rappers Kendrick gave shine to on this record, only provides the outro here, itself a bit of a memetic mantra of how it can get “crazy, scary, spooky, hilarious”. Theories have arisen that this reflects Kendrick’s four main diss tracks against Drake, but I see this more as just what happens when you see Kendrick in this aggressive mode because this album shows that it can get as zany as it can get genuinely threatening, and Lefty Gunplay’s voice fits like a glove, as expected for a largely unknown California rapper – there are a few others on the album, with Dody6 and AzChike in particular giving really standout performances. Part of me wonders if Lefty had a longer verse on this and that one line was just the part Kendrick liked the most so he looped it at the end. Either way, let’s move on to:

#5 – “luther” – Kendrick Lamar and SZA

Produced by Sounwave, Jack Antonoff, Kamasi Washington, Bridgeway, Rose Lilah and M-Tech

Earlier on in the album is a more lowkey cut with SZA, the laidback duet “luther”. One of the few tracks of its kind on the album, it is an honest-to-God love song from Kendrick, promising his girlfriend – presumably his fiancé Whitney, played by SZA – that better days are coming, in part because he’s there for her and is on the way to make her life as perfect as he sees her as. Kendrick promises that if the world was his, she’d have no enemies – in this case, he says he’d gun them down, of course – and wouldn’t have to suffer any pain, playing on the sample from “If This World Were Mine”, specifically the cover by Cheryl Lynn and Luther Vandross. As with many SZA tracks, it’s a piano and acoustic guitar-led trap-inflected slow jam, but with all kinds of very special and very Kendrick additions, like the string swell that tries its hardest to make you not notice that Kendrick’s first verse is the same set of bars repeated with two extra bars (it’s not fully successful), and how the beat is reduced to just the bass mid-verse so Kendrick can play with his “fah-fah” ad-lib melodically for longer than he needs to, but it’s still cut and further immerses you into the fantasy of a perfect world. For the rest of the song, SZA and Kendrick switch from going back-and-forth, completing each other’s sentences on the second verse, to harmonising entire verses and refrains together, in a catchy serenade that still plays with the pace of the lengthy chorus in interesting ways, whilst having Sam Dew and Ink fill in some of the vocal gaps Kendrick simply can’t. Kendrick’s less-than-perfect vocal here is part of the self-deprecation he accumulates in the song – he’s helpless to reach his goal of having a perfect world he has control over, but it’s in pursuit of this perfect woman who loves him regardless: “she a fan, he a flop, they just want to kumbaya”. Overall, it’s a charming, loveable little track that I’m very glad was included and could see sticking around – as much as I love it, “tv off” is probably being swapped out next week, but the higher two are probably going to be charting for a while.

#4 – “squabble up” – Kendrick Lamar

Produced by Kendrick Lamar, Bridgeway, Jack Antonoff, Sounwave and Matthew “MTech” Bernard

Unlike how the three-song rule often dictates, we do not see the opening track on the chart this week, primarily because “wacced out murals” is a five-minute villain origin story that is coldly intense and thematically necessary… but not as much of an undeniable jam as its follow-up, “squabble up”, which appears to get the lead single treatment with a midweek video and it should be obvious as to why. First teased in the “Not Like Us” video months ago, “squabble up” starts with intense breathing under Kendrick’s promise that he’s back: one of the album’s main themes is reincarnation, and here, he sets the stage for an album that’s bangers on bangers by saying he’s done stargazing and back outside for the people, whilst also referencing the sentiment that he considers himself Tupac Shakur reincarnated, a longstanding idea in his catalogue. Sentiments are hardly what makes this song great, though, as it’s named after LA slang for a brawl as Kendrick, with a lot of wacky choices of imagery and great wordplay – sometimes about his own producers (again) – over a groove that caught me in a trance on first listen, especially with that phased 80s synth bass, taken from Debbie Deb’s freestyle classic “When I Hear Music”. The vocal sample from Debbie isn’t interpolated in any way but its theme of dancing to the music takes on a different meaning in this more sinister context – Kendrick’s guys are on the floor for different reasons. The group call-and-response vocal in the bridge comes with intrusive drum crashes, and the third verse has so many cute details in how the sample is glitched and chopped into sparkling sound effects and vocoder loops that you almost get distracted from some of the funniest lyrics in the song, especially the flatly-delivered couplet “Bitch with him and some bitch in him – that’s a lot of bitch / Don’t hit him, he got kids with him? My apologies”. One could complain about the relatively simple and staccato hooks here, but the off-key singing in the chorus has always been part of Kendrick’s charm and why he can appear so down to Earth compared to rappers who will use Auto-Tune for a hook like that, and the rubbery effects in the post-chorus keep it texturally rich. This will have its chart run hampered by Christmas, but I still can’t imagine it not sticking around because this is infectious in all the best ways, and also a fun way to wrap up the episode.

Conclusion

Kendrick sweeps, as you’d expect. He grabs Best of the Week for “tv off” with Lefty Gunplay, and just to be fair, I’ll tie his Honourable Mention for “squabble up” with “Defying Gravity” by Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande. As for the opposite side, Tom Grennan takes Worst of the Week for “It Can’t Be Christmas”, obviously, and though I’m personally scared of my undercover assistants’ capabilities and mob connections, I will also dare to give Ariana Grande’s “Popular” the Dishonourable Mention. I’m sorry, the song will never click with me. As for what’s on the horizon, I can’t imagine much else but Christmas tunes, particularly a new one from Ed Sheeeran, so strap in, folks. We’re in for the slowest month of my year. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you… soon.

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #kendrick lamar #gnx #sza #lefty gunplay #tv off #cynthia erivo #ariana grande #wicked #arcane #stromae #pomme #laufey #tom grennan #christmas music

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in-death-we-fall · 2 years ago

Text

Sex, Drugs and One Armed Groupies

...is gonna be the title of this since there kinda isn't one. Scans were posted by @fuckyeswednesday13 a long time ago. I really liked this article and now it's nice and easy to read (especially the columns. Ask me how much I hated the columns.) Enjoy! (drive link)

UPDATED FULL VERSION HERE

The Big Day Out. The Australian travelling musical circus that steamrolls its way around Australia and New Zealand every winter with the hottest bands on the planet flying from all over the globe to join down under’s best bands in a mayhem filled fortnight. This year’s line-up, features among others, The Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Jane’s Addiction, Jimmy Eat World, The Hard Ons and deathglam monstrosities, the Murderdolls. So far, the Mid West (sic) based five-piece outfit have been the cream of the festival, appropriately headlining the ‘Essentials’ stage. This is the band’s first time in the Antipodes and quizzical music fans have crowded to see the much-talked about live set. With Sydney copping the biggest crowds of all the legs on the tour, the band are preparing something special. But at 3pm in the afternoon you wouldn’t know it. Most of the band are still in bed from the night before, well, actually… the week before.

The ‘Dolls have been in Sydney for five days before their Big Day Out show and not finding much to do early on in the week they’ve just been getting down to the (sic) rock’n’roll’s most popular pastime: hard drinking. Drummer ‘Big’ Ben ‘The Ghoul’ Graves and bass player Eric Griffin are recovering from last night’s binge. While singer Wednesday and guitarist Joey Jordison are recovering from the night before the night before. Acey Slade, who maintains his sobriety, but still stays out ‘til dawn, has been up since 11am and is the only one ready for the show. With the band on stage at 7:15pm, things need doing. Staggering through their beer can and ‘paraphernalia’-strewn rooms to the showers, they’re down in their van and on the way out to the Big Day Out site just after 4pm.

Situated at the same place that hosted the Sydney 2000 olympics, the festival facilities are first rate and the sell-out crowd of 52,000 festival-goers are making the most of it. The temperature’s pushing a blistering 35°C and being the middle of a drought-ridden summer in Australia, everything’s dry, dusty and cracked. It’s a good 40-minute drive from the city to the festival and the sun’s stinging in through the van windows. Not big fans of the sunlight, the Murderdolls have got their leather jackets up over their heads to avoid even the slightest hint of a tan.

In the cool, air-conditioned shade of backstage I get to sit down with Joey Jordison and singer Wednesday 13 to gind out how the band are doing after their meteoric rise over the past eight months. Joey is straight down the line, measured and professional. “This si the first Big Day Out for all of us. Slipknot have only been down here once but not that (sic) this festival. This is something I’ve really wanted to play – something I’ve wanted to do for a really long time.”

For Wednesday, this is another notch on his rise as an international rock’n’roller. “It’s awesome,” he says. “I’ve always wanted to be out on the front of a rock’n’roll band at a festival like this. After struggling doing my own band for six years I actually quit my job back in April and I’ve been touring every since. I’ve done all the things I ever dreamed about. I’ve been to Europe three times, Japan twice and here we are now in Australia and that has all been pretty much in the last six months! Holy shit we’re doing some things that some bands have never done!”

“We just checked out the videotape from the Auckland show the other day and fuck man, it was awesome!” enthuses Joey. “People are saying we are pulling the most people to that stage out of everyone. Our band has been doing really well especially since we’ve only been going for a short time. We hope that after the BDO we’ll be able to come back and do some real headlining shows down here. We are having fun though, thinking about it, we’ve never had so many days off between shows before, it’s more like the Big Day Off!”

The band wasn’t supposed to be so idle. Most overseas bands on the BDO bill play a bunch of satellite shows in various cities around the country and for a month prior, the Murderdolls had been slated to perform a Sydney show with fellow US rockers The Deftones. But with very little warning, the Murderdolls were dumped from the bill just before the show. What really pissed off Joey and the lads was a lot of the Murderdolls fans had bought tickets on the basis that the band would be playing but in the end had to watch the Deftones supported by ex-At The Drive-In chancers, Sparta.

Without much choice in the matter the Murderdolls issued a statement on their website apologising to their fans and kept trying to fly their flag with some instore appearances at local record stores. One in particular at Utopia Records, was insane. There was such a roar when the band turned up, they looked truly surprised at the number of kids who had showed up, most dressed in black and red outfits.

“Someone told us there was only going to be about 150 kids, which was supposed to be a good turn-out for Utopia records for a new band,” retells Joey. “But when we turned up there (sic) almost 500! We talked to fans and signed everything that they had. We were there for a good three and a half hours. And at the Channel V interview it was pretty much the same story. Hordes of kids that wouldn’t let us get away.”

“That’s the cool thing with our fans,” explains Wednesday. “We’re not a radio band or an MTV band with this created army of little kids which I think is more pure than being the Number One radio band or liking it because someone tells you to like it. I know that our fans are real. It is really cool to see these hordes of kids show up, they are dressed like us, they know everything about us, it is just awesome.”

Thinking further ahead fans will be please to know the band are not going to let up on the groundswell already created by the Murderdolls. “I have to go back and finish recording some Slipknot stuff,” reveals Joey. “Then we (the Murderdolls) are going to do some more touring. There’s usually a three to four month sort of break between recording and when an album comes out so we are going to tour pretty much all the way from the end of May all the way to maybe the beginning of October. Which will be good because there’ll be less sunlight at that time of year,” jokes Wednesday raising his non-existent eyebrows and throwing his arms, heavily tattooed with b-grade horror heroes, into the air.

As the hot afternoon drifts into an only slightly less simmering evening, there’s a small problem with guitarist Acey. He’s got indigestion. This amounts to a small crisis because first aid officials must follow procedure and administer the medicine. This takes two St. John’s Ambulance men on pushbikes in a five minute ride from their base at the side of the main stadium. Very un-rock’n’roll indeed.

With the gig just 45 minutes away, the boys are pacing around their trailer, having their pics taken for Hammer. Acey inside in front of the mirror still applying the last of his make-up, Ghoul is getting powdered up, Wednesday’s still with the photographer, while Joey’s nervously pacing around, in the trailer, out the trailer, back in… Eric meanwhile is ready for the stage and cracks open the obligatory bottle of Jack Daniel’s. As a Murderdolls ritual, they’re applying the slap, the band have to listen to Kiss. “Must. Have. Kiss.” stipulates Joey. “‘All American Man’! We sometimes change that to ‘All American Ghoul’,” chimes in the Ghoul.

Just 10 minutes before showtime and the long lanky frame of Ben Graves is stretched spider-like up against the dressing room wall. “I’ll be in pain afterwards,” he explains. Wednesday has by now finished his solo shots with Hamer’s photographer. The day is hot enough anyway, and under the photographers lights the heat is even more stifling. ‘Jesus, it’s fucking hot!” exclaims the frontman. “But I don’t mind… I’m a naturally dead person in front of a camera” he laughs.

More Kiss blares out from the dressing room, this time ‘Dr Love’! Then the moment comes: ground fucking zero at the Big Day Out! The band clamber into the van and head around the back way to the Essentials stage. The bottle of Jack’s being passed around as they approach the stage the band take a quick peak (sic) to see how the crow’s building up. It’s the biggest yet, taking up most of the grassy area out the back of the main stadium. Joey – who regularly suffers from pre-gig nerves as his pre-stage vomiting on Slipknot’s ‘Disasterpiece (sic)’ DVD proves in all its technicolour glory – is bricking it.

Five minutes before the band are due to hit the powerchords and the guys are milling around in the wings. Ghoul is banging on some warm-up pads and everyone is getting psyched. They’ve left the Kiss CD backstage so they have to hum ‘All American Man’ together. Then they make their way to the stage.

A couple of huge Murderdolls logos adorn the stage and in an eruption of noise and energy, the Dolls take the stage and instantly kick off with ‘Dawn of The Dead’. Jordison in black leather Gestapo hat is jumping around stage left, Acey is wailing away stage right while Eric bangs away on the bass doing his best Nikki Sixx impression, while the Ghoul wrecks the trap kit. Wednesday is the last to take the stage and screaming, “We are the dead, coming for you!” And the crowd goes fucking wild.

The kids down the front, dressed up in full glam-goth regalia, know every word and sing along fervently with the band while among the throng watching from the side of stage are some of the biggest names in the Australian music industry. Members of bands like 28 days, Machine Gun Fellatio, Cog, Jimmy Eat World, Pre-Shrunk, and Sparta all stand wide eyed and mouths agape at the outrageous rock revisionism being unleashed onstage.

By the time the band have launched into ‘I (sic) Was a Teenage Zombie’, ‘Let’s Go To War’ and ‘Slit My Wrists (sic)’, the crows know what they’re in for. Most who have showed up for curiosity (sic) sake are still hanging around, but if anything the crowd is building and everyone looks like they are right into it having fun. The intro to ‘Twist My Sister’ is a kid’s nursery rhyme ‘Old McDonald’ which gets the whole crowd singing along.

Unbelievably, some lunatic in the crowd starts throwing bangers at the stage, but the fireworks only make it as far as the front row of fans before blowing up in their faces. Wednesday tries to get the guy to quit while geeing up the rest of the crowd. “All the people down the front tell the people at the back to ‘Die Die Die… my bride!’ he yells as the band grind into the song…

Today’s set includes two new songs, and we can report that both are killer kitsch rock rippers. The first, set for legendary status is called ‘The Devil Made Me Do It… And I’ll Do It Again’ while the second is the set closer, a crowd sing along gem ‘I Love to Say Fuck’. Wednesday grabs his big black umbrella, emblazoned with the word FUCK, Eric, Acey, and Joey are going crazy, jumping up and down in unison, Ghoul is all arms and legs behind the kit while Wednesday is right down in the crowd’s face urging them to stick their fingers in the air and yell ‘Fuck!’. It looks great to watch. “It isn’t choreographed,” says Wednesday later. “Everything’s pretty much spontaneous. There are some things like we all jump on an ascent in the music or whatever but everything else is stuff that just happens on stage.”

They (sic) crowd are almost passing out from the combination of frenzied activity and the extreme heat, but still manage to scream out for more as the band leave the stage. “A lot of people don’t know that’s what drives a show,” explains Wednesday about his relationship with the audience. “You have to make fans feel part of the event and I think we do it better than anyone else.”

The band then jump back into the van for the two minute trip back to their dressing room behind the main stage. When they get back there the guys are all super hyped up. Excitedly buzzing around their dressing room, drinking beers, telling jokes. Joey is busy analysing the gig, and the BDO circus in general. He and Wednesday have got an interview to do with Australian TV scheduled for 8:45pm. It’s almost 9pm and Joey has another issue: “I want to eat! I must eat before I talk!” he exclaims. The interview is postponed for 20 minutes.

Bass player Eric is hanging around, so I grab him for a quick chat. Of all the Murderdolls, Eric seems the shyest but is probably the one most up for anything, especially if it is party related. He may only be small, (even in his Ace Frehley six-inch platforms he’s still barely average height!) but he’s a true rock’n’roller with a party attitude to match. “‘Machine Gun Fellatio’ that’s a cool fuckin’ name,” he squeaks discussing some of the other bands on the BDO bill. And he does squeak, kinda, like annoying Brit ‘comedian’ Joe Pasquale.

I bring up the fact that esteemed record producer, Nick Launey (Silverchair, INXS) was side of stage watching the show and had an interesting story to tell me about Eric. “I think I know where this is going,” smiles Eric slyly. “I met him about two years ago in LA at a party and we were all fucked up. I got dragged down three flights of stairs by my hair and he reckoned it was the biggest rock’n’roll moment of ‘00 for him. First impressions count, man.”

“It was so rock’n’roll!” Launey informs me later. “It was the launch of Orgy’s album and they had these models dressed as prostitutes lying on a bed and Eric jumps up on the bed with them, which of course you weren’t allowed to do. So the bouncers are dragging him out by his hair, kicking and screaming, down the stairs. His head was literally bouncing down each stair like a cartoon character and all the while he’s just got his middle fingers up on each hand and is yelling out ‘Fuck You!’, ‘Get Fucked!’, ‘Fuck you, mind the hair!’ Somehow he got back into the party and I asked him ‘how’s your head?’ and he just said “Whaddya mean?” - it was just so rock’n’roll!”

Eric has pre-arranged with their tour driver to take him over to the Boiler Room, where the BDO’s electronica acts are playing. He wants to see German electronic innovators Kraftwerk. “One of the bands I was in before the Murderdolls was very digital and computer based,” he reveals. “Kraftwerk don’t do a lot of live shows and I don’t think I’ll ever get the opportunity to see them again. They’re pretty important to the genre and even if I catch just 10 minutes of their set I think it will be worth coming over. A short ride through the back entrance, we arrive at the Boiler Room and manage to get in, via a bit of a labyrinth, through the backdoor and into the main arena just at the side of the stage. The Kraftwerk guys are standing robot-like in front of their computers while the huge dome-like venue is dripping with sweat from the 10.000+ strong punters who have basically been locked in the room all day listening (sic) the dance bands. We get a good vantage point but after about five minutes we’re leaving. “Jeez! That was the most boring piece of crap I’ve seen!” exclaims Eric when he gets back to the dressing room. “But it was worth going because I scored some drugs!”

Acey’s just hanging around backstage with his camera and a little doll from The Nightmare Before Christmas. He has a ritual where he takes a photograph of the doll in front of landmarks all around the world. “I have him in front of the Eiffel Tower for instance,” he says. “The other day I took a pic of him in front of the Sydney Opera House.” And with that he takes a photo of the doll sitting in front of a sign that says ‘Sleazy’. Hmmm. Odd man.

Acey and Eric are loving every minute of the Murderdolls ride. They’re both on their first trip to Australia and according to both of them it is (sic) has been “Cool as hell!” “The Gold Coast was really on,” says Eric. “It’s been kinda mellow since we got to Sydney because we’ve had four or five days off before this show so we’ve just been trying to find out what’s been going on. It’s been building gradually… and we’ve been partying a lot – maybe too much,” he adds sheepishly. Rick the tour manager – who’s passing by – agrees: “Yep, they’ve been very naughty boys – they’ve got to go to bed early tonight with no supper,” he jokes.

“He knows we’re the most dangerous band on the tour,” counters Eric. It’s a fact that seems to deter any other bands partying with the Murderdolls too. “The only band that has even reached out to us are the guys in Jane’s Addiction, in particular, Dava Navarro,” offers Acey. “He actually came out of his way to come over and introduce himself. And pretty much comes up and talks to us everyday he sees us along with the drummer, Steven [Perkins]. Everyone else is just kinda like, ‘What’s Up?’ Maybe it’s because we don’t look like we’re the most approachable band. Then again no-one has done anything to piss us off at all.”

No one may be talking to the Murderdolls but there is talk of the Murderdolls all over BDO. Most centres around their appearance with most Australian musical luminaries agreeing the band are the best dressed at the festival. One member of Aussie band the Resin Dogs even goes as far as to say, “The Murderdolls rock the wardrobe”. Acey is kinda flattered but non-plussed by the comments. “What image?” he exclaims. “This is how we are all day! Obviously we knock it up a notch for the show but this is the real thing. We don’t care if people like us as sexual deviants or not, but one thing’s for sure – they’ll fucking remember us.”

Big Ben Graves strides over to join us at the table. “Did I hear the words sexual deviant?” he announces in his deeply rounded US accent. “I’ve always been like that! Some people have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other – I just two devils. There is NO voice of reason!”

We ask him if he has had any interesting adventures since he’s been in Australia and then instantly regret it…

“Dude, it has been nothing but interesting adventures. For instance last night, he (indicating Eric) he almost screwed a one-armed girl!”

“She had three tits and one arm,” giggles the dimunitive (sic) bassist.

“Yeah. It was weird,” continues the Ghoul, “one of her arms was like a stump and it looked like it had a nipple on it. I must admit I almost fucked her just for the freakiness of it.”

And with that starter for 10, the Ghoul is off. He starts ranting on with these sick freak jokes that crack everyone up and inside a minute you get a window to his personality. “Our drummer is one bona fide sick fuck,” jokes Wednesday of him later. “He stills (sic) freaks us out. I’ll just look at him sometimes and say to myself, ‘holy shit, dude, what planet are you from?’”

“It was weird on the Gold Coast,” says Eric, picking up on the tour adventure thread. “The girls there were the hottest chicks I had ever seen in my life but by the same token I had never got as much shit for the way I look than I have there as well. It was like two opposite poles. At first it was, ‘hey freak, where’s the funeral?’ and the next was, ‘sit down have a drink with us.”

“As far as people looking at you weird, I found Sydney is where I got the stares,” admits the Ghoul. “Sydney sucks! Although we did have some girls staking out our hotel which was pretty funny and I did have an over-zealous fan thrown out of the bar. The guy was just touching me a little more than he should and I didn’t like it,” he says animatedly. “I was like, ‘man, don’t make me waste this perfectly good bottle of Heineken by breaking it over your head. I’ve done it before’. Eric looks at him and says, “yeah he has!” But he was on something. I remember thinking ‘I want whatever he’s on… times ten!”

“I gotta say though, the Sydney crowd today was one of the best crowds we’ve had so far,” offers Acey as he joins the throng. “It was insane. It is good for us this tour, because the kids don’t know what we are all about yet so we have to prove ourselves. By the end of the set they all had their hands in the air.”

By this time Joey and Wednesday have finished their feed and their hastily re-scheduled interview and are looking for some more mischievous fun for themselves. “First of all, I’m going to go back over to the stage we played because there are a lot of kids hanging around over there still wanting to see us,” explains Joey. “Then after that, I’m gonna go directly where ever (sic) the free drinks are at…” Suddenly, Eric’s doubled over in the doorway of the dressing room. It’s been 45 minutes since he visited Kraftwerk in the Boiler Room and the pharmaceuticals are beginning to take effect. We ask if he’s OK. “Yeah man, I just think I’m gonna spew!” he grins. The rest of the band are baiting him ceaselessly.

“C’mon chuck it up man!” they urge and all crack up laughing together.

In the middle of all the commotion Wednesday is taking a piss in the corner of the dressing room. The place is a wreck: there are empty bottles of booze, food scrapes (sic), squashed fruit, hairdryers, make-up, boots, clothes (black and red if (sic) course) and of course a giant mirror. Wednesday is actually pissing into a bottle of Corona. At the same time I am just about to pick up my freshly opened bottle of Corona from the table which is besides (sic) a now suspicious looking bottle. “Yeah I always piss in the empty bottles,” giggles Wednesday. And then I leave ‘em on the table just to piss off anyone who might want to grab some of our rider or whatever. Just be careful just to get bottles from down there in the ice box, he laughs mischievously. Suddenly the oddly warm bottle in my hand seems less than appealing…

As the clock turns 1am the only people left at the stadium are the cleaners, the roadies and the still-partying Murderdolls. Last to leave, the van is parked just outside the dressing room and all I can see through the opened door is the Ghoul chucking around a baguette, now baked hard as a rock over the course of the stifling hot day. “Look at this - it could be used as a weapon to seriously maim you!” he screams bouncing the French loaf off the wall. A post vomit Eric cracks up, as the two hold a mock baguette joust oblivious to the outside world. They eventually make off back to their hotel room in the city, but don’t hang there for too long. The weekend lights of Sydney beckon and they cruise down William street in King’s Cross, to an underground rock venue called Club 77. It’s glam night, just their crowd and they spend the wee hours of the morning hanging out with fans and getting stuck into the sauce with a vengeance. Australia has officially been Murderdolled!

Blood and Glitter

Gavin Braddeley charts the rise of shock rock

Glam is hard evidence that what goes around comes around. Long dismissed as the definitive climax of 70s bad taste, in recent years glam rock has arisen from the grave, albeit with a veil of cobwebs draped over its original dusting of glitter. Originally a violent reaction to the 60s happy fad for all things natural, worthy, meaningful and drab, glam was all about being deliberately artificial, selfish, throwaway and garish.

In the States Alice Cooper was impaling baby dolls and throwing blood bottles around the stage from ‘70 onwards culminating in the vaudeville theatrics of the ‘Welcome To My Nightmare’ album/tour of ‘76.

Back in the UK, the Glam pioneer was lame pop pixie Marc Bolan (sic), photogenic frontman with T-Rex, who caused a sensation when he took to the stage on Top of the Pops in ‘71 with glitter under his eyes, clad in what looked suspiciously like drag. Never one to miss a trick, the lizard-like David Bowie soon jumped from the hippy ship to take on his otherworldly Ziggy Stardust persona.

The older generation may have thought that smearing make-up on your face and covering your clothes in sequins made you look like a ‘pooftah’. Alice Cooper got around this by replacing Glam’s overt ‘fagginess’ with ghoulish melodrama, prompting one critic to observe that Americans were more comfortable with necrophilia than homosexuality. And then came Kiss. Gene Simmons’ monstrous blood vomiting, fire breathing ‘Demon’ persona enslaved an entire generation of US children crossing Glam’s theatricality with heavy metal machismo to create one of the most influential bands in rock music history.

W.A.S.P. and Mötley Crüe supercharged Kiss’s sleaze and violence quotient to spectacular effect in the 80s, and provide the missing link between Glam and the Murderdolls, who happily cite the back-combed bad boys as a large part of their creative DNA. The chief inheritor of the Glam tradition in the last decade, however, is cross-dressing controversialist Marilyn Manson. Bowie may have metaphorically murdered his creation Ziggy Stardust in the summer of ‘74, while Bolan (sic) died more literally in a car accident three years later, but quarter-of-a-century on, Manson used his own dark arts to conjure their spirit on ‘Mechanical Animals’, his own tribute to pop’s most decadent decade.

Dead… and loving it!

The Murderdolls’ five favourite movie death scenes of all time…

The Murderdolls are proof positive that nothing gets some folks’ creative juices flowing quite so freely as a truly delicious cinematic death scene. Joey and Wednesday have a few favourites – both carnage connoisseurs identifying the ‘74 classic power toolfest The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as the gory cream of the crop – a movie currently being remade with a certain Mr. Manson in the soundtrack composer’s chair. (As a curious aside, you never actually see the girl hung on the hook – just a shadow – but such is the film’s sordid impact that most viewers swear you do!)

Joey 1. Texas Chainsaw Massacre “The girl on the hook.”

2. Friday The 13th Part IV “When the knife comes through the bed and impales the chick.”

3. The Exorcist “When the priest is hucked out through the plate glass window.”

4. A Nightmare on Elm Street “Where the girl is getting dragged across the rooftop.”

5. Necromancy “Where a group of devils and monsters take a girl apart.”

Wednesday 1. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre “The girl on the hook.”

2. Dawn of the Dead “When the spiked ball comes down and rips the guy’s head apart.”

3. Phantasm “A silver ball hits the guy in the head and sucks out all his brains.”

4. Hellraiser “Where (sic) the end sequence where the guy is being chased by all these hooks. They attach themselves to him and rip him apart.”

5. Nightmare On Elm Street “Where Freddy rips out the guy’s veins and uses them like strings controlling a puppet.”

Schlock n’ Roll

B-movie classics that have influenced shock rockers of now and then…

Some horror movies are best watched not so much with your tongue in your cheek, as thrust firmly through it, films that by accident or design are more about fun than fear. The same could be said of numerous horror loving bands, including the Murderdolls, where an ‘everyday is Halloween’ ethos prevails. Here are a few examples of B movie blood fests which may not have won any Oscars, have been paid tribute to by schlock loving bands over the years…

Plan 9 From Outer Space (1957) It is no surprise that the mother-of-all cult movies inspired the mother-of-all cult bands, and when Glenn Danzig created a label to release early Misfits material he dubbed it ‘Plan 9’. Frequently voted the worst movie of all time with its ludicrous script, mind bogglingly bad special effects, cardboard sets, and even more cardboard artistry, Plan 9 From Outer Space is irresistibly entertaining. Directed by the cross-dressing caliph of crap Ed Wood Junior, featuring proto-goth babe Vampira and Bela Lugosi (dying of drug addiction, he was replaced mid production by a stand-in who looks nothing like him).

The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971) Featuring horror cinema’s kind of camp Vincent Price as the fiendish Phibes, avenging the death of his wife using maniacal methods borrowed from the biblical plagues, all against wonderful, strangely psychedelic sets. Also possessed of a strange psychedelic sensibility are punk pioneers the Damned, though in the 80s, lead singer Dave Vanian’s horror sensibilities took centre stage, attracting a goth following. The 80 track ‘13th Floor Vendetta’ is a classic example of the band’s game-topping which, if you listen carefully, is all about ol’ Doc Phibes.

Mars Attacks! (1996) Director Tim Burton’s tribute to the drive-in shockers of the 50s and 60s, Mars Attacks! was actually based upon a ‘62 series of bubblegum cards, discontinued because of their gruesomely graphic pictures of earthlings being exterminated by alien invaders. As such this inspiration might suggest Mars Attacks! has little by way of plot, but for anyone with a weakness for vintage schlock sci-fi it’s a true Technicolor treat. This must certainly include the Misfits and when they reformed, they did so without the blessing of founder Glenn Danzig, but with their monster movie obsessions intact – among a multitude of horror movie tributes on their ‘97 comeback album ‘American Psycho’ was ‘Mars Attacks’ (and even an instrumental coincidentally titled ‘Abominable Dr Phibes’!)

I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957) The drive-in movies of the 50s and 60s typically featured juvenile delinquents or monsters, and this bargain-basement effort delivered both in one lurid package. Before becoming ‘Pa’ on TV’s Little House on the Prairie Michael Landon stars as a troubled teen – though when he starts growing hair in strange places, it’s more than just hormones to blame. A howl from beginning to end, Teenage inspired a number on ‘Songs the Lord Taught Us’, the ‘80 debut from drive-in movie loving ghoulish rockers The Cramps.

Murder, mayhem and a right old mess

Minging Murderdoll tales from the Big Day Out

Who is the messiest Murderdoll of them all? Wednesday: “That would be Eric and The Ghoul. They are just messy as fuck. But you know you’ve just got to get used to living with these people. We’ve been on the road since July. You live on a bus for six weeks which means you’ve got (sic) live in everyone else’s shit.”

Who is the tidy anal doll? Joey: “No-one. We’re all pretty fuckin’ messy.” Wednesday: “I just took two garbage bags of mess out of my room. And just put it in the hallway. Just full of chicken bones and beer bottles and all sorts of shit like that, it was just smelling really bad so I had to get rid of it.”

So you do that yourself? Wednesday: “I don’t let the cleaning staff come into my room and tidy up. I put the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign for the whole week I am there.” Joey: “The housekeepers are scared shitless to come into our rooms anyway so we keep it easy for them and put the ‘Do Not Disturb” signs up the whole time. They are going to be so scared to come into our rooms and clean up after we’ve been there for a fuckin’ week!”

#metal hammer april 03 #interview #murderdolls #wednesday 13 #joey jordison #ben graves #eric griffin #acey slade #this thing is fucking 5500 words jesus christ

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