#bad omens headcannons

[thefallennightmare]

For blurbmas!

For as long as you've been together, Noah liked to playfully prank you. His favorite way to do that was the "box inside of a box inside of a box" gift. From your first anniversary, to every birthday and special moment, up to Christmas of last year when he presented your engagement ring in his trademark style.

This Christmas, you're sat on the couch in your cozy living room while Noah stands before you with yet another large box, wrapped in shiny red paper with a green ribbon and bow.

"Let me guess, another charm for my bracelet?" you ask, reaching for the lid, and Noah just smirks.

You remove the lid and discover a big surprise.

"Merry Christmas, babe! It's my dick in a box!"

You stared at the box that held your gift, it seated on Noah's lap.

Noah couldn't stop giggling, his body vibrating next to you.

"I thought you were joking!" You choked on air, your own laughter making it hard to speak clearly.

"You were the one that said you wanted my dick for Christmas, so here it is," he motioned to the open box on his lap, the one he cut a whole in the bottom of so his dick could poke through.

His very hard dick that made your mouth water.

"I was drunk last night when I said it!" You defended yourself. "Although, I must say this has to probably be one of the better gifts you've given me."

You winked before reaching your hand into the box, giving his dick a squeeze.

[amelia-acero]

Video courtesy of @/badomensuk on TikTok.

The way I would just internally melt if he held my hand during this.

[xmads-omensx]

Doing heatless curls with Noah

Masterlist

Content warnings: none

Pairing: Long hair Noah Sebastian X Reader

Thank you @flowery-mess and @fadingintothegrey for the idea <3

Here is the link to the original post that gave me the idea:

The idea of a spa-date wasn't exactly something you had expected Noah to come up with when he came home from the studio last night. But there you were.

Both of you were wearing in your bathrobes. Noah sat on the chair in front of your vanity as you wrapped his hair around the heatless curler, as the other half of his hair was pulled to one side in a loose bun.

You both had fallen into a comfortable silence some time ago as the lofi playlist you made together drifted softly from the speaker on the bookshelf.

Noah had chosen his favourite cosy lighting before you both stepped into the shower after eating the oven pizza Noah had picked up on the way home from the studio earlier.

The new candle that you had bought him for his birthday filled the air with a relaxing eucalyptus scent to enhance the spa feel that you so desperately wanted to capture.

The main goal of this was to relax.

Noah had been working insanely hard in the studio on the new Bad Omens album, and work had been kicking your ass, so you both deserved a self-care evening.

His soft, long hair felt soothing between your fingers as you began working on the second half of his hair.

He wore a blissful expression on his face as his eyes closed softly. A slight smile began to emerge across his lips.

Once you were finished, you squeezed his shoulders, to which he responded by getting up off of the seat and shuffling over to your shared bed, that he instantly climbed onto.

You laughed quietly at him as you sectioned your own hair into two halves, then working on wrapping your hair around the heatless curler.

Once you had finished, your arms ached.

You stood up and made your way over to your boyfriend who was sprawled out across the bed, waiting for you to join him.

You curled into his side and sighed.

"Wait. I have an idea." Noah whispered with an excited tone, before getting off of the bed and disappearing into the bathroom.

The sound of rummaging filled the space, before your boyfriend emerged once again, this time holding something in his hand.

He wore a proud smirk on his face as he walked towards you, holding out two plastic wrappers. "Face masks." He said simply with a smile on his face.

You simply replied by sitting up and extending your hand out to him. He placed one in your hand, before sitting back against the pillows, allowing you to place the sheet mask on his face.

As soon as you finished applying his face mask, he applied yours. Obviously stopping to take some selfies of your "new look" as Noah had coined it.

He reached to his bedside table and grabbed the TV remote, loading up Crunchyroll, and pressing play on My Neighbour Totoro, your shared comfort movie.

Before long, the timer for your face masks went off.

Returning back to bed, you both struggled to keep your eyes open, so gave each other a goodnight kiss before falling asleep with your heatless curlers in.

By the time morning had rolled around, Noah had become frustrated with his curls during the night and taken the curler out of his hair, making sure to take a photo to show you in the morning as there had, in fact, been curls in his hair as a result of the heatless curler, but he couldn't sleep with it in.

You, on the other hand, were a pro at the heatless curling game.

After sleeping perfectly fine, you emerged from the bathroom with your outfit for the day on and your makeup flawlessly applied. All that you were missing was your curls.

Noah had been following you around as you went about getting ready, waiting for you to take the curler out so that he would be able to see the final product.

As soon as it was time, he perched himself on the corner of the bed as you sat in front of your vanity, hands moving to take the curler out.

Your hair cascaded down your back in perfect waves. You ran your hands through them before applying hairspray to set them in place.

Noah had an expression on his face that could only be described as complete awe.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours bub?" You asked him.

"Huh? Nothing really. Just can't believe how beautiful you are." He responded nonchalantly.

You felt heat rising in your cheeks as you looked at the man who you go to call yours.

His eyes were full of love as he just watched you go about your morning.

He was head over heels in love with you and there was absolutely no hiding it from anyone.

[amelia-acero]

Ok, but like who would definitely be like this out everyone in Bad Omens, including the crew as well.

reader who wears a fake engagement ring so men don’t approach you, but character doesn’t notice it. not like it matters, since the two of you get into a semi heated argument at the bar + he suggests, half as a joke, why don’t yall just fuck it out and come to an agreement. you hold up your hand and say “im married!!!” and without a missing a beat, he tells you, “your husband must not love you if that’s the ring he got you.”

turns out, character is as rich as he is annoying (which is to say, very very very very much so) & it’s just your luck that your work forces you to be in close proximity to him. if he sees you lifting anything heavy, he’ll ask you with mock sympathy “does your husband know they have you doing manual labor?” (but even more annoying… he’ll carry the stuff for you 🤭)

and then one day you lose the ring and he notices immediately and you would have thought christmas came early. “trouble in paradise?” he’ll ask you, hoping to hear abt ur divorce.

“getting the ring cleaned.” you lie, and you can smell the disappointment coming off of him. he’ll ask the people close to you “so anyway what does her husband even do?” and one of your slow on the uptake coworkers/friends goes “[name]? she doesn’t have a husband……”

oh. well now character is going to have a blast next time he sees you.

[thefallennightmare]

While I love a good whore on my shoulder thot, there are moments I need a soft whisper from the whore on my shoulder, one that reassures me everything is alright. I've been in a weird funk so here's a little Soft!Noah blurb for once. It's kind of a long one. Please act surprised I mentioned The Crow. It's my comfort fic and its heavily needed right now.

CW's(talks of sadness and depression, soft!Noah, language, and feelings like you're not good enough.)

Noah immediately knew something was wrong when he stepped foot into your apartment, seeing all of the lights turned off and the pile of dishes in the sink. He'd been gone only a few days, a festival overseas, but when he left you, things were good.

Or so he thought.

"Angel?" He called out into the even darker hallway as he reached your bedroom; the door cracked.

In the small sliver of light, he could barely make out the lump of blankets on your bed. But he knew you were part of that lump. Noah knew checking your bedroom was the first place on his list of where you'd be because you missed the last three of his phone calls. He would have worried but according to your LIFE360 location and the most recent Instagram story of you watching a movie, you were home.

"Angel," Noah spoke again, this time stepping into the dark bedroom, only lit up by the television; the familiar opening line of The Crow reaching his ears.

The original version. While the remake was something you found yourself watching from time to time for obvious reasons, nothing compared to the classic. It was your comfort fic, something you always watched when you found yourself in these moods. It became a part of not only you but Noah as well. He could recite the opening scene word for word.

Your eyes peered over the top of the blanket but that and the mess of hair on top of your head was all he could see as he stood at the end of the bed.

"When did you get home?" Your voice was meek, pausing the movie quickly. "I thought I was going to pick you up from the airport."

He nodded while kicking off his shoes and climbing into bed with you. Typically he had a rule of immediately jumping in the shower once he returned home from your but there were more pressing moments at hand.

Your happiness.

"Jolly dropped me off," he explained before lifting the three blankets and snuggling up in bed next to you.

Now up close, Noah could see that it had been a few days since you brushed your hair. He wouldn't have been surprised if you were sporting the messy bun since he left.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked after pulling you into his chest, large hands dragging up and down your back.

You hesitated in his embrace for a moment, unsure if now was the right time to talk about how you'd been feeling since he just returned from an overseas festival. Noah had to have been tired, surely the last thing he wanted was to talk about your depression.

"Don't listen to that voice, angel," Noah murmured into the skin of your forehead, already knowing what you were thinking.

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you let out a shaky breath before burying your face into the warmth of his hoodie. He smelled like stale peanuts and the airport. But also, him.

It wasn't until that moment you realized how much you missed him.

"I don't know," you began, trying to find the right words to explain how you felt. "I just feel so down; sad. Nothing happened besides you leaving but you've left for tour without me plenty of times before so I'm not sure why it was so bad this time."

Noah hummed but let you continue on, your fingers sneaking underneath his hoodie to graze over his heated skin.

"Work has been kicking my ass and trying to please everyone while feeling like I'm a machine makes me not want to get out of bed. Almost like what's the point, ya know?" You finally peered your eyes up at him, seeing the bags underneath his.

His bangs were brushed across his forehead and even in your sad state, you marveled at your husband's beauty.

"I told you to come with me," he said. "It would have been a good break for you."

Your face fell, knowing that he tried for weeks before he left to get you to come with him but your reasoning was always the same.

I can't miss work for that many days.

Now you were regretting not going with Bad Omens to Australia, the pictures Noah sent you of him with the kangaroo your new phone wallpaper. He looked so happy yet sad that his wife wasn't with him.

"These episodes come and go in waves. I can't explain why I feel so sad but I do. Maybe I need some vitamin D or something," you muttered.

Noah gave you a playful wink causing you to smack his chest with a soft giggle, one that made him smile wide. Leave it to him to make you smile when you were feeling low.

"I think you also could benefit from a vacation. Both of us deserve one."

You nodded in agreement. "Where to?"

He shrugged while propping the arm that wasn't wrapped around you behind his head. "Wherever your wings want to go, angel. I'll follow."

The line from your vows made your heart flutter in your chest.

"I love you," you pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You've only been home for ten minutes and you already lifted my spirits."

Now he brushed his lips to yours, saving the taste of something you drank earlier.

"Do you want to finish watching the movie?" He motioned to the television.

"Don't you want to shower first?" You asked while sitting up and went to run your hands through your hair, only for it to come back greasy making you cringe. "Maybe I should be the one to shower."

Noah was quick on his feet, extending a hand towards you. One you took.

"I'll run us a bath and even wash your hair," he wrapped you underneath his arm. "Then we can get some snacks in bed and watch the movie."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," you spoke into his chest.

[amelia-acero]

Hi, my name is Amelia and this my first time writing in very long minute, but I got inspired by the lovely @thefallennightmare , she’s become my favorite writers on this app, with all that being said, someone requested a head canon of the reader having a cryptic pregnancy, she wrote out the head canon and it reminded me so much of my best friend going through that too. I got inspired by it and decided to put my spin in it. So without further ado, please enjoy. I’m gonna use character names, but please feel free to use your own preferred names.

“Oof, damn it that hurt.” Anya whispered to herself, rubbing her back from the most recent cramp out of many for the day.

She was folding up the merch table and boxes of unsold merch from the most recent Bad Omens concert, they were currently in their last show of the tour in Sacramento and we’re all getting ready to head back to their homes. Half in Los Angeles, including her and the other half in Virginia.

“Is your back still hurting darling?” she heard a familiar voice ask. She turned around and saw Noah standing there, looking at her with concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, but this time it felt stronger than the others and now it’s coming every 30 minutes and lasts about five minutes.”

”Would you listen to me if I told you to head to urgent care and get yourself checked out?”

She shook her head while folding up the last box of tshirts.

”I already know what they’re going to say, ‘You have irregular periods, ma’am, It’s just probably your period coming in again.’”

Noah just nodded, after working with them and being on tour with them since their album Finding God, Before God Finds Me came out, they had gotten to know each other and began to really know each other after being in a relationship for almost two years. Noah took the box that Anya was holding and helped put it in the truck where their equipment and merch was being held.

“Come on, let’s get back inside and I’ll make you chamomile tea to soothe your cramps. When did they start?” Noah took off the jacket that he was wearing and put it around Anya’s shoulders, knowing that when she had cramps the cold never did her any favors.

Anya nodded and pulled his jacket closer to her body, while slightly admiring Noah’s body. Something about Noah after a concert always made her want him, but sadly tonight was not going to be one of those nights.

”They started around noon, but only recently they started coming in slightly quicker.”

They reached the door of the tour bus and went inside where the rest of the band was waiting for them.

“We ready to head home?” Matt asked.

Everyone on the bus cheered and loud music began to play from hip-hop to rap to country anything the boys could use to celebrate going home after a long 11 months of back to back tours across North America, South America, Europe and Japan with Bring Me The Horizon, Sleep Token, and Dayseeker. Everyone was more than ready to be back home, none more than Anya; she wanted nothing more to sleep off her cramps and just get enough rest before going through festival season all through California. Noah went to the kitchen part of the bus and poured a water bottle into the kettle, and turned it on. Once the water was ready, he poured the water in a mug and put the tea bag in the mug, and carefully handed it to Anya. She let the boys enjoy festivities and went to the back of the bus and closed the door to get some peace and quiet, drinking the tea Noah had made. After about 3 hours into the drive, she woke up and found that the rest of the bus had quieted down and possibly had fallen asleep. She however was not feeling anymore peaceful and in fact was feeling worse.

“Ahh fuck.” She whispered to herself.

She tried to stand up and sat back down again, the pain being worse than before. She was no longer able to fully stand on her own. Another cramp passed through her and unlike the ones before, this was intense. Anya wrapped her arms around herself and the pain caused her to groan, she tried her best to be quiet to not disturb the guys in case they were asleep. After what felt like forever, she felt someone else’s presence, Anya looked up and saw Noah look at her with concern and fear. He knelt down and tried to sit her up, but instead she just slumped her head on his shoulder.

“Ok, for once this time can you please listen to me when I tell you that I’m going to tell Matt to stop the bus so we can go to the ER. This is way past urgent care at this point.” He said, cradling her head in his hand

”Noah, I promise that I’m fine. It’s just my period about to start.” She said, trying not to worry him.

He gave her a look that clearly said he didn’t believe her for one minute.

“Darling, I’ve seen you on your period, this is way beyond that. Stay here , I’m going to check if Matt or Bryan are awake to help us.”

Noah got up and left the back, after about a long 10 minutes, he came back with Matt, if he was asleep before, he clearly wasn’t anymore after taking one look at Anya.

“Holy Fuck, how long have you been like this?” Matt asked

”I’ve been feeling shitty all day, but it just started feeling worse about almost two hours ago.” Anya said.

Matt knelt down and to get his arm around her.

”Alright man, let’s get her up.” Matt said.

Noah and Matt stood on either side of her and put her arms around their shoulders. As soon as she was up, Anya gasped and felt something warm and wet trickling down her legs. She looked down and saw that her sweats were soaked. Whatever pain she felt was now intensified by tenfold. She bent over and fell back on the floor when the next cramp started again, this one almost causing her to yell out loud.

“Oh fuck, I’ll go tell the driver to drive to the closest hospital, I think were in Fresno right now.” Matt said.

Everyone started to look out their bunks and saw Anya laying on the floor with Noah right at her side. After that everyone immediately woke up and began to help in any way they could.

The bus stopped and without hesitating, Noah picked up Anya and carried her in his arms. He carried her out the bus and through the hospital doors.

”Can we get some help here?” Jolly yelled out

In an instant two nurses, one male and one female came up, and another nurse brought a gurney. Anya could no longer and started yelling out at the pain. Noah placed her on the gurney and was hesitant to let go of her hand.

“Sir, we got her and we’ll get her situated and figure out what’s going on.”

Noah nodded, but was slow to let go of her hand. Anya was wheeled into a private room, and immediately her shirt was raised exposing her abdomen.

“Ma’am we need you to stay still just long enough to see what is going on.”

Anya was writhing around in pain and screamed at the pain, but something felt different, something hard coming out of her.

”I can’t, I feel something coming out.”

The nurses looked up at each other, grabbed a scissor and cut Anya free from her sweats and underwear. The sight astonished them, they looked and saw a head crowning. From that they got a hospital gown on her and immediately moved her into a different room.

“What’s your name sweetie?” The nurse asked.

”Anastasia Mendoza, but I go by Anya.”

“Anya sweetie, I need you to listen to me very carefully, you’re having a baby sweetie and the baby is coming out now sweetie.”

At those words, the world felt like it stopped and Anya looked up at the nurse.

“That’s not possible, I’m not pregnant.”

”Sweetie, unless my eyes deceive me, this baby is ready to come out, whether you like it or not. Now, do you know who the father is and where he is?”

Anya remembered all the times she slept with Noah and realized the possibility of her being pregnant was true, they weren’t truly safe in their sexual activities, but because of her irregular periods, she thought the possibility of her getting pregnant would be slim. She looked at the nurse.

”He’s the one who carried me in the waiting room. His name is Noah Sebastian.”

She nodded and told the male nurse and began to hook her up to machines and heart rate monitors for both her and the baby, and put her feet in the stirrups.

Outside in the waiting room, Noah, Jolly, Nicholas, Folio, Matt and Bryan were all waiting on news, Noah was walking back and forth. Not knowing made his anxiety skyrocket.

”Noah, she’s getting checked out, she’ll be fine, now stop walking back and forth, because I’m getting dizzy watching you.” Folio said.

”Don’t ask me to stop man, Anya’s back there and I don’t know what’s going on with her.”

The male nurse helping Anya came out.

”Noah Sebastian?”

Noah looked and immediately went up to him, along with the rest of the guys.”

“How is Anya doing? Is she alright?”

“Relax sir, everything is fine, both her and the baby are alright. Now if you can follow me, I need you to put on a hospital gown. Right now gentleman, I just need Mr. Sebastian, we can let you know when they can accept visitors.”

In his anxiety induced haze he didn’t catch his mention of the baby. Noah followed behind the nurse and Nicholas stood there thinking over what the nurse just said.

“Did he just say what I think he said?” Nicholas asked.

”If you’re thinking he said baby, then yes, I heard him too.” Bryan said.

Everyone was thinking about the signs they could’ve missed and all the signs that could’ve given away her being pregnant.

“I didn’t even know Anya was pregnant, why didn’t she tell us?” Folio asked

”Man, I don’t think Anya even knew herself.” Matt said.

”I think we should create a baby basket and start ordering what they're definitely going to need now.” Jolly said.

They all left the hospital and began to head to the nearest Target.

”Wait, what about Noah? I don’t think he heard about the part with the baby.” Nicholas asked.

“I think he’ll figure it out when he sees the baby come out dude. Come on.” Matt said

Noah walked to the room while putting on the hospital issued scrub gown and looked up and saw the sign reading ‘MATERNITY WARD’.

“Are you sure I’m in the right place? My girlfriend isn’t pregnant.”

”You’ll see sir.”

He reached the room and saw Anya on the bed and immediately rushed to her side. Anya screaming her head off from the pain and white knuckling the bed rails. She saw him and immediately held on to his hand.

”What is going on?” Noah asked.

”Sir, you're aware that your girlfriend is having a baby right?”

Noah’s eyes widened and realized that this was happening right now, from the bassinet on the side of the bed to everything included in having a baby. At his delayed response, one of the nurses looked at him.

”Sir, if you’re going to faint, just know that we’ll ignore you, because right now we're focused on mom and baby.”

Noah focused on what was going on and gripped Anya’s hand just as hard.

”It’s ok darling, I’m here. Let's do this, you can do this.”

Anya nodded and cried out.

”Ok sweetie, on three you’ll push and push for 10 seconds. One, Two. Three. Push!”

Anya gripped Noah’s hand and began to push.

”Push, Push, Push, Push, Push.” One of the nurses said. After 10 seconds of pushing, Anya couldn’t push anymore.

”Ok, take a quick breather sweetie and then we’ll start again.”

Anya shook her head.

”I can’t, it’s too much. It hurts so bad.”

Noah kissed Anya’s forehead.

”Darling, I’m here. Whatever you need, I’m here. You want to break my hand holding it? Do it. Scream my ear off? Scream.” Noah said.

Anya looked up at him.

”Oh my god, we’re actually having a baby right now.” Anya breathed in, sweat sliding down her forehead and her hair clinging onto her head. “Oh my god, we’re having a baby and we have nothing prepared, no clothes, no diapers, no food, nothing.” Anya said, the heart monitor picking up the increase in her heart rate.

”We can worry about that later darling, right now let’s just focus on you and the baby.” Noah said.

”All right sweetie, let’s get ready to push again.” The nurse said.

”On three sweetie, One. Two. Three. Push!”

Anya pushed and pushed the pain becoming unbearable by the second.

“Alright, the head is out, come on sweetie, just a little bit more.”

Anya pushed even harder, Noah looked over and saw the baby’s head and shoulders come out and eventually it’s whole body, the cold in the room making the baby cry out.

“It’s a boy!” The doctor announced.

“Nurse, Date of birth is September 3rd, 2023 and time of birth is 3:23am.”

They took the baby to clean him up and wrapped him up. The baby was crying loudly and when the baby touched Anya’s chest, the baby immediately stopped crying. Afterwards the placenta came and they took it away to ensure that nothing was missing.

“Alright sweetie, you’re going to feel a slight pinch, you tore a little bit, so we’re gonna get you stitched up.”

Anya and Noah both focused on the baby, just absentmindedly nodded. Anya didn’t realize until she felt the prick of the needle. Afterwards it felt like nothing.

“A baby boy Noah, what should we name him?” Anya said, looking up at Noah.

”I don’t know? I’m still trying to reel in from the fact that we became parents without realizing we were becoming parents.”

”Did you notice anything?”

”I mean, I noticed that your breasts were becoming slightly bigger than normal, but I didn’t think twice about it.”

”I also thought my bras and pants were slightly tighter than normal, but I didn’t think about it either, and you know how my periods are at this point, pregnancy was the last possibility on my mind.”

After about 30 minutes of cleaning up Anya, Noah took off his shirt to do skin to skin contact with the baby. Noah held the baby and fed him some formula, while Anya took a well deserved nap. About two hours passed before a flash caught his attention. It was Bryan and Matt, they came in with a diaper bag, filled to the brim and Bryan had his camera on him, ready to take the next picture.

”Hey man, congratulations!!” They yelled out, but Noah was ready to shut them up to not wake up Anya or the baby. Matt put the baby bag in another guest chair.

“Congratulations!” They whispered.

“How’s Anya doing?” Matt asked. Walking over to look at the baby.

Noah looked at her and smiled warmly, that sight was enough to get another picture out of Bryan.

“She did amazing, terrified, but amazing.”

”Yeah, no shit.” Matt said. “Oh fuck! Can I curse around the baby? Oh fuck it, the baby won’t remember this.”

“The baby might not, but I will, so no cursing around my baby.” A sleepy voice joined in. All three men joined to look at Anya. Noah quickly walked to her side, helping her sit up.

”How are you feeling darling?”

”Like a baby I didn’t know I was pregnant with came out of me.” She joked. The baby began fussing at his mother’s voice and Anya began to reach for the baby. Noah helped with handing the baby to her and put his shirt back on.

”Watch his head.”

”I know.”

Once the baby was safely in Anya’s arms. The baby began to settle, Anya looked up at Noah and gave him a loving look.

”I love you so much.” Anya said.

”I love you more.” Noah said. “Please let’s not find out you’re pregnant like this again.” He joked.

Anya giggled, another flash went off and Bryan looked at the camera.

”Speak for yourself, I thought I was going to die.”

”Ha! That shit was terrifying, so please don’t do it again.” Matt said.

Everyone in the room laughed.

“Hey where’s the guys?” Noah asked.

”I’m pretty sure they’re all looking at baby stuff, Matt and I were in charge of the baby bag, and last we saw, Folio and Jolly were arguing about which crib looked cooler and Nick was getting all the stuff you guys actually needed for right now. He’s getting you guys a car seat, he said he’ll rent a car to get you back to LA, while the rest of us go back on the bus.” Bryan said. “We also brought you guys some extra clothes too.”

“ Thank you guys.” Noah said.

“That’s amazing of Nick, I actually didn’t think of it.” Anya said.

”Have you thought of a name yet?” Bryan said.

”To be honest, nothing on my end. Anything on your end love?” Anya asked.

“Nothing on my end either.” Noah said.

Matt and Bryan both got a chance to hold the baby and Bryan got more photos, eventually Nick, Jolly, and Folio came and wished their congratulations, they all brought their own gifts. After a long argument with each other, Jolly finally explained the crib that he chose for the baby and that it was going to be delivered to Noah’s house. Everyone got a chance to also hold the baby as well and a few more pictures were taken by Bryan, afterwards everyone left the new happy family to enjoy their time together.

Anya was holding the baby while she was breastfeeding him. She looked up at Noah and gave him a deep kiss. She looked back at the baby and stared at him with a new found maternal love.

“Do you think we’re ready or will ever be with our new roles as parents?” Anya asked.

“Absolutely not, but as long as I have you and him by my side, we can figure it out together.”

”We really should come up with a name though, I don’t know how much longer I can go with calling our son ‘Baby Boy Sebastian’” Anya chuckled.

”I think I have one in mind.”

She looked down and caressed his hands that held a very special name.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Noah asked.

”Mhmm.”

“I just wish he was here to see this.”

”I think he is, why else would our son be born on his birthday.”

“I think he would get a kick out of knowing he’d be sharing his birthday with a baby.”

The baby began to cry and to keep her from getting up, Noah took Baby Keaton from her and began to change his soiled diaper and change him into a different onesie. Little began to move his hand back to mouth in an attempt to eat something. Noah wrapped him up slightly and picked up his son and kissed his nose.

“I think our son is hungry again. Should I get a formula bottle or do you want to breastfeed him?”

”I’ll do the bottle this time, just so we can get him accustomed to both. Especially if we decide to take him with us on tour.”

Noah carefully placed Keaton in Anya’s arms and while adjusting his shirt she noticed some writing on the shirt with a sharpie, she moved his blanket and saw the words written on his shirt.

’WILL YOU MARRY MY DADDY?’

”Noah what -

She turned and saw Noah kneeling by her bed with a velvet ring box, a beautiful emerald ring surrounded by diamonds and with a white gold band. A little tongue tied, Anya couldn’t find the words to speak.

”I did have reservations for my proposal to you at La Boucherie in about two weeks, not going to lie, before I found you last night, I was looking at the ring in my bunk and practicing on how to propose. If you ask the guys, they’ll tell you that I had each of them practice and pretend to be you to get an idea of your reaction, but this is a lot better. Our son being here with us was very unexpected, but a welcome surprise. So now that I have both of you here, I wanted to ask.”

”Oh Noah…”

”Anastasia Mendoza, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

”oooh.” A little coo-like sound came from baby Keaton.

Noah chuckled.

”I think our son said yes for you.” He whispered.

”Lucky for him, mama can speak for herself and her response is yes. With all my heart. Yes, I’ll marry you Noah.”

Noah placed the ring on her finger and kissed her again. It was all overwhelming, but they both knew that as long as they had each other, it wasn’t bound to be perfect, but it can be easier with each other. They don’t know what the future holds, but each day will bring a new surprise and hopefully they can be prepared.

[sevrinve]

shapeshifter lavellan and her dreadwolf husband

[mischievous-mayhem-is-upon-you]

*coughs*

Noah, Nicky, and Jolly

being forced to take a strap that’s too big while they get off watching you cry and try to squirm away! shushing you and saying how pretty you look with tears streaming down your face, to just relax and keep taking it for them. forcing eye contact once they’ve bottomed out so they can watch your eyes glaze over and roll back from the feeling of being completely full, drooling all over yourself like a mutt in heat <3

[iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning]

Noah Sebastian (Part 2)

🥀: Angst

🪻: Fluff

🌹: Smut

🌺: Suggestive but no smut

Oneshots

@measuredingold :

‘heaven sent’ (absolutely god tier fic) 🌹🪻

‘coeur d’alene’ (part 2 to heaven sent^) 🥀🪻🌺

‘i was free in the fall’ 🥀🪻

best friend! noah part 1 🌺 part 2 🌹

@somebodyels3 :

‘cleanse me with pleasure’ (another absolutely god tier work) 🌹

‘Dull Ache’ 🥀🪻

@iwasntstable :

'never just friends' (yet another god tier piece of writing) 🌹🥀

‘stay til’ morning’ (part 2 to never just friends ^) 🥀🪻

‘happy birthday’ 🪻

‘when i miss you’ 🪻

‘tired?’ 🪻

'is it true?' 🥀🪻

@thefallennightmare :

‘What It Cost’ 🥀🌹🪻

'Bad Decisions’ 🌹

@veronicaphoenix :

‘to hold you, to heal’ 🥀🪻

‘under the stars’ 🪻

‘until the stars stop shining’ 🪻

'wrapped in winter embers' 🌹

@yarasdead :

‘CYBERSEX’ 🌹

first time with best friend! noah part 1 🌹 part 2 🌹

@concretecultist :

‘Kingdom Come’ 🌹

‘Pomegranates & Pleasure’ 🌹

'Sacrilege' 🌹

@darksigns-exe :

‘dors encore jusqu'au jour où tout ira bien’ (sleep on until the day when all is well) 🥀🪻

‘the manic rhapsody’ 🪻

‘devour me’ 🌹🥀

@poppy-in-the-woods :

'Braids' 🌹

@rprise :

'moonlight' 🪻🌺

'night drive' 🪻

@thewrstinme :

'Immortalised in stone' 🪻🌹

'You always do that, don't you?' 🌹🪻

‘You want to act like a brat? Then I’ll treat you like one’ 🌹

@kaliforniahigh :

haters to lovers (doesn't have a title) 🥀🌹

@valiantroeagleangel :

'Beg for it' 🌹

@into-the-grey :

'Until You're Resting' 🥀🪻

@magnificentstrawberryomen :

'warm and alive' 🌹

@concreteangel92 :

'The Angel Of The Night' 🥀🌹

period sex 🌹

‘Every Last Drop’ 🌹

@malice-ov-mercy :

stepbrother noah and toys (doesn't have a title) 🌹

@deathblacksmoke :

'love is a gentle thing' 🪻

‘sink into your sunlight’ 🥀🪻🌹

@silent-stories :

'2.30 AM CHAMOMILE TEA' 🥀🪻

‘The Sound Of You’ 🪻

@tikosblogg :

‘A Helping Hand’ Part 1 🌹 Part 2 🥀🌹

@foreverlittlesoshi :

‘the center of my day’ 🪻

@silentglassbreak :

'Anything More Than Human' 🌹

'Skin' 🌹

@sykesandskittles :

'ZERO' 🌹

@omensandwonders :

'i can't be saved' 🌹

@idwt-money :

'Sleepless Nights' 🌹

@bluestdai

‘Shadowbound’ 🥀🌹

noah x reader x folio :

@concretecultist :

threesome (doesn't have a title) 🌹

@sorrowsofsilence :

'Threefold Desires' 🌹

noah x reader x davis :

@artificialbreezy

threesome (doesn't have a title) 🌹

@livingdeceasedgirl :

'The Hills' 🌹

Series

@thefallennightmare :

‘One Night’ (god tier shit right here)🌹🥀🪻

‘Miracle’ 🥀🪻🌹

‘Just Pretend’ (more absolutely god tier shit) 🥀🪻🥀

@veronicaphoenix :

‘The Inevitability Of Love At First Sight’ (god tier as well) 🥀🪻🌹

@silent-stories :

‘To Build A Family’ 🪻🥀

Brother’s best friend! Noah 🪻🥀

[kaliforniahigh]

NSFW thots incoming

NNN but the boys said uno reverse and it's you that isn't allowed to O. Teasing, edging and lots of O denial.

Jolly is probably the sweetest about it and close to breaking, especially when you invite him to join you in a shower cause you just need to feel him close and on you in some way.

Matt would be the worst, making fun of you and being mean when you're practically rubbing against him like a cat in heat asking for something anything.

How each member + Matt would behave during No Nut November, but instead of them, it's you who can't cum. Smut below the cut.

Warning: orgasm denial, edging, mocking, spanking, fingering, thigh riding.... you get the gist, this is basically just filth. The boys are a menace in this.

Jolly was a weak resolve when it comes to you whining in that sweet voice of yours, eyes big and pleading. He starts to feel bad, so he does what he can to make you feel better. Warm showers where you can feel him pressed up against you is the closest he gets to satifying you without actually giving you an orgasm.

He runs his hands over your wet body while you rest your head on his shoulder. He can still feel your quick pulse from a few minutes ago, when you were in bed. He had put his hand under your panties, but his movements were so slow, you could feel youself just on the edge of the precipice, but unable to let yourself fall.

"Why don't you let me come? I've been so good", you'd whine against his chest.

"And it's because you've been so good that you won't come, right? That's the rule baby", he'd whisper in your ear and that would prompt tears to gather on your eyes.

Before he could feel too bad for you, though, he slips his hand out from between your legs, which prompts another whine to scape from your lips. He shushes you softly and takes you in his arms to the bathroom, sitting you on the toilet, he adjusts the temperature just the way he knows you like.

Matt would be so degrading towards you. Sometimes he would even refuse to touch you, telling you that if you wanted to make yourself feel good, you could rub yourself on his thigh. It was a lesson on self-control, he told you. You could ride his leg all you wanted, but you couldn't make yourself cum.

As he watches you, face twisted in pleasure and agony at the same time, you'd tell him that you can't do it, that it's too much for you.

"If you knew you couldn't do it, then why did you agree, you stupid girl?", he'd respond in a tone that made you feel guilty, because you did agree, you brought this upon yourself.

Meanwhile, while you were rubbing yourself on his thigh, he'd take his dick out of his pants and start fisting himself with a thight grip.

The sight of you on top of him, knowing you weren't allowed to come, but he was, gave him a twisted type of pleasure, and after a few more strokes, he was cumming all over his stomach.

You had to phisically distance yourself from him, the sight too much for you, and you laid down on the bed, back turned to him.

"You're so mean, Matty"

He only laughed at your misery.

Noah would be the more agressive kind of mean, but he would give you such good aftercare.

He starts with you nice and slow. Bending you over his lap and running his hands over the supple flesh of your ass.

Instinctively, you lift your ass from his lap, trying to get some kind of pleasure. That's when he delivers the first hash smack. You weren't expecting it, so you let out a surprised yelp.

"I decide when I touch you, you understand that?", he grabs you hair and yanks your head back, you only nod in response, which doesn't please him at all, because he removes his hand from your ass to give you a slap across the cheek.

"Don't you know how to use your words?", he says through gritted teeth, mouth close to yours.

"I understand, Noah", you whimper in his mouth.

"There's the good girl I know", he said in a slightly softer tone this time.

He dropped your head back on the matress, and put his hand back on your ass. This time, he didn't waste much time, slipping your panties to the side and teasing your slit with the tip of his fingers.

If you ever misbehaved, he would deliver a quick slap to your pussy, making you jump on his lap at the feeling.

When you're a complete mess and your makeup is smudging the white conforter underneath you from the tears of frustration falling from your eyes, he'd take you in his arms, the slightest touch from him making you tremble.

"You did so well, you were so good. Just gotta wait 'till November is over ok?", he'd reassure you, eventually running his hands down your back in soft strokes, and soon enough, you were falling asleep in his arms from the exertion.

Folio would be the closest one to breaking in my opinion. He'd question many times if this No Nut November thing was even worth it. What kind of man was he, if he didn't make his girl come?

You'd be having sex, and you'd have to stop him, because you were about to cum and you could tell in his face that he was about to throw this whole out of the window just to feel your walls tighten around him.

You find out that this is worse for you. There is nothing more frustrating than feeling the first waves of your orgasm, just to have him pull out, and then everything goes away in the blink of an eye.

He starts enjoying it when you start begging. You even sprinkle a little bit of praise in there to try and sway his resolve. But he finds it more fun seeing you squirm for him. He's getting the hang of this thing.

One night, you're out at a restaurant when you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. You're washing your hands when you hear the door open beside you. Thinking nothing of it, you dry your hands, but someone grabs you and pulls you into one of the stalls.

You're ready to scream when a hans covers your mouth, and your eyes finally make contact with Folio's.

"I'll need you to be quiet, baby", he says and makes a low "shush" sound. You nod and uncovers your mouth.

You can feel his hand travel down your stomach, making it's way under your dress. He hitches your leg over his hip and slips your panties to the side.

He doesn't start slow this time, since you both didn't have a lot of time on your hands. You gasp when you feel his fingers plunging inside of you, and he uses his thumb to rub circles on your clit.

You have half the mind to register the door to the bathroom once again and someoe getting in the stall beside you.

"Beg me", Folio says in your ear. You look at him with wide eyes. "Beg me and I'll let you cum right now".

The offer was irresistible. "Please, can I cum?", you whisper back to him.

"I can't hear you", he has a glint of mischief in his eyes. He's gonna make you beg out loud, when someone else is in the stall right beside you.

"Please", you try once again. The feeling of his fingers starting to become way too much for you, and you can feel yourself slipping into the abyss way too fast.

"You'll need to do better than that", he's looking right into your eyes, and before you can beg him once again, the feeling between your legs disappear, and this time, the whine that comes out of your lips os loud and very audible.

"Why did you do that?", you lean on him and he supports you by holding you by the hips.

"Girls who don't listen to instructions don't get to cum", he gives you a kiss on the forehead, his wicked way of mocking you, and then he makes his way out of the stall, leaving you behind.

Ruffilo makes the whole ordeal more artistic than it has to be. This man likes to sprinkle a little bit of art when you're fucking.

So, not only does he deny you of your orgasm, he needs to have you tied up to the bed. Hands and feet.

First, he starts with sensory stimulation. Maybe he grabs a rose on the way home, just to drag it along your chest, abdomen and thighs. Then, he moves on to little kisses all over your body. And he's slow with it too. He starts on your neck and descends to your collarbones, stoping to give attention to your perk nipples.

He continues with this until he's all the way down to your calf, and then he finally makes his way up again to where you need him the most.

He begins with the tip of his tongue, and you can barely feel it. The ropes tying you to the bed doesn't let you buck your hips, so all there's left to do is wait until he decides to give you what you want.

After a while, he's finally making you feel so good, you almost forget you're not allowed to cum. But he makes sure to remind you.

With one finger inside of you, he can feel that you're close. So he pulls his finger out and removes himself from the bed completely.

"What are you doing?", you teel him. You're breathless and a little irritation, a certain edge to your voice.

"I spoiled you too much", he shook his head at himself. "I think it's time we take a little break", he says, sitting on his computer chair. You're laying on the bed, completely stunned. Your body that felt on fire seconds before, now laid there void of any warmth, and you actually start shivering a little from the contrast.

"You can stay there and watch, baby", he gets comfortable on the chair, lifting his hips and sliding his shorts and boxers down, grabbing his length in his hand.

"It's my turn to feel good now".

[flowery-mess]

Just a dad Noah thought...

I think I sent this once to @starsomens as an ask, but I can't stop thinking about it lol

Imagine having a baby boy with Noah, after some time he starts going to shows with you with his big noise canceling headphones on. Everything is cute, Bryan takes cute family pictures for you, little waves from the baby to fans, until... he becomes a toddler and wants to be just like his dad.

Wears those fake tattoo sleeves, matching outfits, makes up words for BO song, until one day.

You and Noah are chilling in the living room, little Sebastian toddler comes in, in his black outfit with those tattoos on and wants to pretend that he's Noah at a show, so you and Noah are pretending to be fans, laughing and all that, until this little human you two created screams "THIS IS DETHRONE YOU FUCKS" into your faces and then takes off to his room with evil laugh, because he knows what he just said.

You and Noah just turn to each other, not sure if you should laugh or not and eventually you do.

And I'm pretty sure if you tell that to the rest BO crew they will demand performance from your little human every time they see him and because they are the 'funny uncles' they will let him say curse words when you and Noah aren't in the room. And he loves that.

[amelia-acero]

Either someone’s gonna write it or I will.

it’s giving your older brothers snarky friend that low key had a crush on you but shows it by calling you “brat” or “princess” but when you finally start collage and you go to a party with friends and some guys start talking to you and Noah comes up and throws his arm around you and gives them a death stare until they walk away……

[xmads-omensx]

When He's Sick

Content Warnings: Mentions of being sick / ill / throwing up (no actual throwing up)

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Reader

Thank you @maybefaithwillsetmefree so much for this idea :)

Much like when you were first sick, Noah didn’t tell you. He didn’t want you to worry about him because he knew you had a tendency to worry too much.

When you did find out however, he was shocked to find that you were somewhat mad at him.

It was Matt who had told you he was sick. He had called you one day to ask if Noah was feeling better and if he would be coming in to the studio today. Jolly hadn’t seen him that morning to ask and Jesse was away on tour, therefore you were the next person to call.

You had immediately stormed over to his house. Noah opened the door to find you stood in the doorway with your arms folded across your chest. You looked quite frightening but he would never tell you that.

“So when were you planning on telling me that you’re sick?”

“I wasn’t. I’m fine, just tired.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No, You’re not fine. You’re so pale I can practically see through you. Go to bed. I’ll make you some soup.”

Too scared of the shorter woman in front of him, he sulked back up to bed.

When you brought the soup up to him, he was already fast asleep and it looked like he wouldn’t be waking up any time soon. So, you put the soup to one side and climbed up onto the bed next to him, placing yourself on top of the covers. You threaded your fingers delicately through his hair and he instinctively snuggled into your side.

Since then, you’ve realised that when he’s sick, he just wants you to dote on him. As much as he tries to deny it, he just wants cuddles and soup.

Over the course of your relationship, you have noticed the telltale signs of when he’s coming down with something. He becomes more cuddly and just wants to be near you all the time, he appears sleepier and overall just seems like his body feels heavier than usual.

You fell into the routine of moving plans and staying in bed with him, while he uses you as a pillow and snores his little heart out.

Obviously, his snoring becomes worse when he is sick, you can pretty much say goodbye to a good night’s sleep.

You would never tell him this, but you secretly liked when he’s sick because then you can dote on him as much as you want. And on top of that, you love it when he wiggles up next to you to bury his head into your neck, chest or stomach as he tries to find a comfy position to fall asleep in.

[dsireland86]

We talk about dad! Noah and dad! Jolly but what about dad! Folio? 🥺

♡ Folio having his little girl on his lap while he's playing the drums (with ear protection for her of course).

♡ Catching her making a make shift drum kit out of the pots, pans, and tupperware with some wooden spoons as the drumsticks.

♡ Taking her out fishing when he's on a break from touring for some daddy daughter time.

♡ You nearly having a heart attack when he takes her out on a motorcycle ride once she's old enough.

This gem is inspired by the writing above from @stardustsirenmelody!!! You, my friend, are a fantastic human. I'm giving you credit for this one. I just wrote it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

GIRL DAD

TAGS: @philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @theanarchymuse95 @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @fadingintothegrey @an0mallly @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody

Her birth was the happiest day of Nick's life, next to marrying you. The moment you went into labor, Folio was right there beside you, supporting you and watching everything you went through in order to bring his daughter into this world. As soon as she arrived, Folio cut the cord and laid her on your chest, watching as your motherly instincts took  over instantly. And the best part wasn't that you made him just a dad. You made him a girl dad.

Now, at the tender age of two, Folio has your little girl sitting with him at his drum kit at every possible moment. With her little set of pink ear muffs, she sits between her daddy's legs or on his knee,  repeatedly trying to take the sticks from his hands. Folio eventually gives in, letting her have one, and she immediately brings it to her mouth, using it as her teething ring. Later on, when cleaning up, Nick finds the stick that she dropped, picks it up, and smiles at the bite marks from her two tiny teeth.

By the age of four, Nick's little girl is as wild and crazy as he is. With her long dark hair and button nose, she's a spitting image of her daddy, right down to her interests. When dinner time comes, she's right there in the kitchen, under your feet, pulling out every pot, pan, and lid to form a makeshift drum kit. With Folio's help, she has the best kitchen inspired drum set up, complete with its own set of wooden kitchen mixing spoons. For the next thirty minutes, your baby girl hits every piece laid out before her, while you and Nick steal kisses and inappropriate whispers  of what you're planning after little miss goes to bed.

For her 7th birthday, Folio gets her her first big girl fishing pole, promising to take her fishing once he gets back from the band's most recent tour. And he does. The perfect spring day comes, and it's the three of you at your cabin by the lake. Folio is all in waders, net, boots, and more, standing in the shallow part with your baby, showing her how to properly cast for the first time. The smile they're both wearing is worth more than gold, making you feel like the richest woman in the world. When she finally gets a catch, Folio is more excited about it than she is and he helps her reel it in, trying to be quiet and not scare the poor thing. He has you snag a quick picture as he holds the wiggling fish for her because she doesn't like how slimy it feels. After taking the hook out, Nick tries to show her how to gut and skin it, but she refuses. That part she gets from you.

Just like ten years go by and your little baby isn't so little anymore. Folio decides it's time he takes her on a proper motorcycle ride even though you still think she's too young. But you trust your husband. He is the safest rider you know, after all. Nick comes home with a helmet and riding pants for his little riding partner, making sure she's properly dressed for the ride. Exiting the house wearing nothing but his black leather, Folio climbs on the bike and helps her up. She clings to her dad for dear life at first, but as they pull out and slowly take off, you hear a loud yell and a holler from her, about how awesome her dad is. 

[artificialbreezy]

Kinktober Day One: Camboy!Noah

AN: hi!!! welcome to artificialbreezy’s kinktober celebration of 2024. these will range from short blurbs to long one shots. spooky and dark and filthy coming all October long.

all requests have been put on hold and will pick up again November 1st. you may see your ask in between scheduled posts, but please know i will get to those i promise.

CW: camboy!noah, scream mask, mentions of a knife, masturbation (m), dirty talk, fem reader insert.

NSFW below the cut ◡̈

The room was darkened, the only light coming from the red LED lights attached to the wall behind them and a slight white from the chat on the screen next to them.

Behind Noah stood his girlfriend, in a black teddy and ghostface mask. Noah’s head leaning back against her stomach. A knife pressing softly into his neck. His hand wrapped tightly around his cock.

“Why don’t you let them hear you?” her voice was muffled, loud enough only he could hear.

The dings signaled the chat wondering who the girl was behind him, and tips coming in one after the other.

His eyes came up to focus on you, “you wanna watch me stroke my cock?”

Your body tensed a little.

“Wish you’d come sit on it, really I do. Bet they’d love seeing you fall apart too.”

His hand picking up speed.

“Bet you wish I was fucking my cum into you, huh? Course you do. Just my good girl, always wants whatever I give her.”

He heard a small whimper fall from your throat, his other hand came up to yours that was wrapped around the knife and pushed a little harder into his throat.

“It’s okay, baby. I’ll give it to you later.”

[amelia-acero]

Oh this son of a bitch!!

I need more now!!

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

-

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

-

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."