#ben is currently the only one with brains

[pokemon1oadvanced]

Nah cause Ben was completely justified not telling anyone about Brooklynn until he had evidence. The last time he tried to tell them something it took multiple near death experience for them to be like ‘yeah so we’re being hunted.’

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 1: Are You Always Like This?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary:  When you decided to work with Butcher and his merry band of supe hunters to take down Homelander, you never expected to be saddled with a sullen, grumpy, jerk like Soldier Boy when the job was done. The more you’re around him the more you hate him, but you can’t help but wonder, is he really as big a jerk as you think? Reader is a supe with plant powers. This takes place in an AU about a month after the end of The Boys Season 3, in which Butcher has let Soldier Boy continue to work with him on his team. (I'm real bad at summaries, please forgive me!)

Tropes: Enemies to Lovers (Implied/Eventual), Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Protective Ben/ Soldier Boy, Fake Dating

Word Count: 7.4 K (OOPS)

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+/Mature because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it), swearing, mentions of sex, sexual innuendo, sexual tension, violence. Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

A/N: I know I know, I should be working on "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love," but this idea was swirling around in my head and I had to write it.

Spotify Playlist 🪴

Masterlist

Take A Chance On Me Masterlist

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

"Alright Butcher, I'm done." You sigh closing the file in front of you and standing from the worn wooden table covered in empty Chinese food containers and stacks of papers almost as tall as you. "If I read another word about trying to stop an electrical current, I'm going to commit toaster bath and I'm taking you with me."

It was late, past two in the morning, but Butcher had a lead on a B-list supe that had been using his electrical powers to steal cars and run a chop shop business downtown. You had been close to catching him yesterday, so close in fact that your eyebrows were still a little crispy from when he shot a bolt of lightning at your face that you only dodged in the nick of time when Soldier Boy grabbed the back of your shirt and yanked you out of the way. Unfortunately, your shirt hadn't survived, it had ripped and you spent the rest of the day wearing one of Butcher's oversize Hawaiian shirts all the while Soldier Boy told you that it was a waste to keep a pretty little figure like yours covered up.

I hate him so much.

When Butcher had initially asked you to join his team a month ago you were excited, but then you found out that you were going to be stuck with Soldier Boy. The supe, that despite Annie's arguments should be given back to the government and put on ice, was allowed to join Butcher's team after he took down Homelander. Who was currently frozen on ice, somewhere. As long as Homelander was far from you, you didn't care. The guy gave you the creeps.

But the team still couldn't figure out where the electricity manipulating supe was hiding or where he was dropping the cars, which meant you had spent the past twelve hours staring at files and a computer screen so hard that you felt like your brain going to melt out of your ears.

"Do whatever ya want kid. I'm not ya damn babysitter." Butcher grunts, his face hidden behind his own file. His boots were on the table and he was leaning back in his chair so far that you were tempted to tip him over, all it would take was a good solid kick.

You smile at him. Butcher was adept at pretending that he didn't want you around, of course you knew how antsy he got when you weren't there to offer your opinion. You figured that he just liked pushing people away and given his history you understood that.

Annie sits up from where she and Hughie are cuddling on the couch. "Why don't you stay?" Her brow furrows with worry. Annie was big on the whole, "women not walking at home alone at night thing," which normally you didn't, but you figured that whatever was waiting outside the apartment was probably less intimidating than Homelander. And you could handle it.

"Because I'd like to sleep in my own bed tonight and not that godforsaken rickety cot in the corner that Frenchie got. Can't stand that one spring that always seems so happy to see me." You pull your leather jacket off of the back of the chair and whirl it around your shoulders, before bringing your hair out from under the collar.

Hughie snorts.

"Hey, that cot is an antique!" Frenchie crows from his highbacked chair spewing a mouthful of smoke into the air. Kimiko was sitting at the coffee table in front of him working on her writing, a thick black marker clutched in her hand. MM was taking the night off, but you thought he was probably trying to avoid Soldier Boy.

"Yeah well, that cot is about as old as grandpa over there." You gesture to where Soldier Boy is sitting in another one of the armchairs in the corner watching you while puffing on a joint.

He was always watching you and due to your inability to read his mind it made it difficult for you to gauge what he was thinking, but you assumed that it was the usual macho crap he spouted 100% of the time. But he wasn't checking you out, well this time he wasn't. You had caught him staring at your butt more than once, and he'd made several comments about exactly what he'd like to do to you, but right now an emotion glimmered behind his eyes that you couldn't place.

Soldier Boy stands from the chair. He was wearing a dark t-shirt that stretched over his chest and a pair of blue jeans that fit him just right, well, if you were looking at that. You were, but it was easier to pretend that you weren't. It was easier to pretend that he wasn't the most attractive man you'd ever seen in your life.

Damn it, why does someone so attractive have to be such a dick?

 "A lady like you shouldn't be walking home alone this late." He frowns at you.

"Like me?" You arch an eyebrow.

"Good thing she ain't a lady." Butcher chuckles at his joke

You punch him hard on the arm, not enough to break it, but enough to make it hurt.

“Bloody hell woman.” Butcher rubs his sore bicep shooting you an angry look.

Not many people could look intimidating while wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but Butcher pulled it off. Not many people looked good in a Hawaiian shirt either, but Butcher pulled that off too.

"I'm serious." Soldier Boy's eyes narrow.

"Oh now you're so chivalrous?" You cock your hip to the side, planting your hands on your hips. "Didn't you try to kill me last month?"

"To be fair, you were trying to kill me-"

"Because you were trying to kill Annie. Where was the chivalry when you tried to tear me apart with your bare hands?"

"There are plenty of other things I'd like to do to you with my bare hands sweetheart." His grin turns wolfish. "I'd be happy to show you sometime, perhaps you'd like some company?"

"I'd rather spend an hour with that ancient spring than roll around with you." You tap your lip thoughtfully. “Then again I’m sure that cot is the same age as you and it can at least get it up.”

Annie muffles a snort behind her hand.

“Last time I checked everything was working, perhaps you’d like to see for yourself?” Soldier Boy smirks.

 "Can't you keep in your pants for once?" Butcher sighs, tilting the file downward to glare at Soldier Boy.

You can't help but smile at Butcher's response. Butcher might have tried to push you away, but even you could see his protective instincts. That became wildly apparent whenever you went out on a mission alone and although you would think that it was annoying for someone to think they needed to protect you, in Butcher's case you made an exception.

Soldier Boy rolls his eyes. "She shouldn't walk home alone."

You wave your hand over the wilting fern on the kitchen counter, eyes shifting to green for a moment as it perks up. It was the only plant in the house and although six people lived in this apartment, not one ever remembered to water it. "And you shouldn't butt into my business."

Soldier Boy opens his mouth to speak, but Annie interrupts his train of thought.

"Wait y/n. Coffee tomorrow?" Annie asks ignoring them. She's sitting up from the couch, her body turned towards you with both of her hands on the back cushions. 

She was one of your best friends, well, really one of your only friends. You'd grown up together and when Annie moved to New York you had decided to move and take some college classes in the city while you worked at a small garden shop after class part time.

The owner still couldn't figure out why nothing you cared for seemed to die.

You usually kept your status as a supe on the down low, and only used your powers when you really had to, which wasn't often before you joined Butcher's team. You'd only lasted two semesters before Annie came to ask you for help finding Soldier Boy and after that, Butcher asked you to join his team for shit pay. You accepted but you still worked at the garden shop part-time, also for terrible pay, but you loved it there.

Your powers made it easy to make sure nothing died and sometimes it felt like home being surrounded by plants. Caring for them was the one thing you seemed to be good at, and sometimes they felt like family.

You didn't have much family left, beside your grandmother and your older brother who still lived back in Des Moines, and sometimes it was lonely in the city. Annie was the only person who you'd been able to connect with since you moved, and now that you weren't going to classes the friends you made in college didn't really understand what you were doing with your life.

And telling them "oh I hunt down supes for a living and sometimes kill them" didn't really sound like something you could say in passing. It also did wonders for your dating life… NOT.

"Sorry babe, I'm at the shop tomorrow. But I'm off at 3 if you want to get coffee after?" You hold open the front door of the apartment, looking back at her expectantly.

You hated blowing Annie off, especially since the two of you hadn't been able to hang out outside of missions mostly because she was spending all her time with Hughie.

"Sounds great!" She beams.

And with that you disappear out down the hallway and into the night.

It's raining as you walk down the desolate streets. Cars splash water over the gum covered sidewalks that soaks through your tennis shoes and makes every step against the ground squish. But you ignore it.

You usually loved when it rained, loved to feel the cooling water pool against your skin, loved to hear the soft patter of it against the windows of your apartment, loved the earthy smell that came with the drops, but not tonight. You were still thinking about Soldier Boy.

You don't know why you let him get under your skin so much. You'd met men like him in the past and it was usually easy for you to brush them off, but not him.

I mean yes he is gorgeous, and maybe kind of charming when he's not trying to get into my pants, but I don't want just a one night fling. I want what Annie and Hughie have.

You think about your best friend and her loving boyfriend. You tried not to be jealous, but it was hard when the last time you had a lasting relationship was your first boyfriend back in high school who, when he found out you were a supe, was only interested if you had the power to shape shift into someone 'a little more busty.' The relationship ended with you locking him in a tree and the fire department having to come cut him out. He was fine, maybe a little more green than a normal person, but...

You'd heard that he got a job from the Green Giant Vegetable Company doing cameos as the Jolly Green Giant. So if anything, you helped him have a career?

Annie and Hughie were both head over heels in love with each other, knew everything about each other, didn't have any secrets, and it wasn't just sex, it was a close relationship with someone else who understood every part of you. You wanted that; and as much as you had avoided relationships in the past due to your supe status, you still hoped to find a supe that was kind and didn't think that they were a god for what they could do.

Why do so many have a god complex?

You think again about Soldier Boy. That wasn't the first time he had tried to coax you into bed and it wouldn't be the last, that was for sure. At first you had hoped that he would give up, it had been a month since you'd met, but he was still going strong, despite having a different woman in that apartment almost every night.

Maybe he's just really horny after being trapped in a lab all these years. Then again- You remember all the articles you read about him from the 80s, the ones that recorded his numerous escapades and think about his founding of Herogasm.

Maybe he's always like that, but he never comes on to Annie or Kimiko, only me. And I've threatened castration multiple times. You'd think he would care more about that than anything else.

You consider with a frown, clutching your jacket tighter around you. Rain trickled down from your hair and under the collar of your jacket to soak into your t-shirt. Your once light blue jeans were soaked to a dark navy with the amount of water that splashed up from the road and dripped down your back. For the first time in forever, you wished that it wasn't raining.

Probably should have just gotten a cab, but it's so expensive and-

"Hey baby." Someone calls from behind you.

Can't I just walk home without being hit on? One time?

"Not interested." You shout back, continuing to squish down the cracked sidewalks.

Three shadows peel off the wall of shops to your left blocking your path forward. Each is wearing a dark colored hoodie hiding their faces from view.

Is my luck really this bad? I never hear about Annie getting mugged or Hughie. And Hughie definitely looks wimpier than me.

"Don't be like that baby." The man behind you says.

You half turn your body so you can see all your supposed attackers at once. There are actually two men behind you, both wearing similar hoodies to the three now standing on your right.

Oh look they color coordinated their outfits… cute.

The man opens his mouth again.

"I'm gonna stop you right there." You hold up a finger. "I've been dealing with a horny 104 year old  geriatric man all day long. Please don't push me right now." It was an attempt to warn them, but you knew they probably wouldn’t listen to you.

No one ever does.

"Sounds like you need someone to relax with." The man smirks steeping forward to grab your arm. "I'd be happy to ease some of that tension baby."

"Look. I'm going to give you a chance to walk away. To avoid making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. Because honestly you all have the worst luck in the world." You jerk your arm away from him.

"I like em feisty.” He purrs stepping forward again while the others laugh. “Come on baby-“

He doesn't get to finish his sentence. You grab him around the throat, lifting him in the air like he weighs nothing, your eyes beginning to glow a brilliant green.

“I did try to warn you.”

"She's a supe!" He shouts struggling against your grip.

You throw him backwards into the other man standing to your right before facing the men on your left. Each one has pulled out a knife preparing to rush towards you.

"I get it. Y’all are out late, you bought matching outfits, but do we really have to-“

The first one rushes you, waving his knife through the air in a frantic dance. He doesn't get the chance to make contact with your arm. Vines erupt out of the pavement, breaking through the cracks in the concrete, binding themselves around the man who lets out a savage cry, quickly silenced while the vines continue to wrap around his body until there's nothing left but a mass of struggling green foliage on the pavement and some muffled screams.

He's lucky, could have had him dragged back under ground.

His friends stand there for a moment, eyeing one another as if they're not sure what just happened. You can practically see them trying to decide if you're still worth the trouble.

“Anyone else?”

The battle that follows is swift, the sound of cracking bones and the soft thud of punches landing echo over the soft patter of rain in the night as you dodge their blows and land your own against them. The vines continue to spread outward snatching up the men who fall to the ground in front of you, dragging each one up the street light above that sends yellowed light over the desolate streets. By now each bound body hangs from above like a sack of meat in a meat cooler, moving with the struggling men inside while the muffled cries shatter the still silence of the night.

Sometimes it's really too easy.

And as you begin to turn back someone grabs you by the hair, yanking you into their sweaty embrace. The leader's hot breath sticks to your cheeks, the cool metal of his switchblade pressing down so hard on your throat that you feel the pinprick of blood begin to form under the tip.

“What are you gonna do now bitch?” He snarls in your ear.

"Give you one more chance to surrender." You spit.

Like I'm going to give him the satisfaction of me begging for my life.

"I'm gonna enjoy this-" The man begins to say, pressing the knife deeper into your throat, but the rest of his sentence is cut off with a strangled cry as he's pulled away from you.

 What the hell just-

You turn around, freezing in shock.

Soldier Boy is crouching there in his t-shirt, jacket, and jeans over the man who just had a knife to your throat. His fist rising and falling as he punches the man in the face.

"Don’t you ever touch her." Soldier Boy snarls. His fist is already covered in blood, the man’s face a mass of bloodied tissue and bone.

"Stop you're going to kill him-" You run forward to stop Soldier Boy, but he doesn't stop even when you try to grab on to his hand.

"I said STOP." You shout louder, this time manipulating a vine to wrap around Soldier Boy's arm and restrain it.

Fuck he might already be dead.

"Let me go." Soldier Boy's eyes narrow. The usual green was replaced by a darkened pit with his rage. You'd only ever seen him this mad a handful of times, one of which was when the supe tried to zap you like a fly in one of those insect traps two days ago.

Why is he angry?

"I'm not going to let you go, until you promise not to kill him."

"I should." He snarls back at you.

"What are you talking about?"

He stands from the body, eyeing the last attacker who runs full speed down the sidewalk and vanishes into the darkness.   "I should kill him for trying to hurt you." Soldier Boy says simply.

You wave your hand allowing the vine to let go of his arm. "Where do you come off so high and mighty? You literally tried to kill me last month."

"That was before I-" He shakes his head angrily, eyes still blazing.

"Look I don't need you to protect me. Given what I've had to deal with all day I was looking forward to kicking some ass."

"You did." He smirks nodding his head in the direction of the men hanging from the streetlamp above you. “I just thought that you were outnumbered.”

"Why are you here?" You sigh pinching the bridge of your nose.

"I wanted to go for a stroll." Soldier Boy shrugs. He flexes his hand, before wiping the blood on the front of the sweatshirt of the man on the ground.

"Uh-huh. Well I don't need you to protect me." You say again, crossing your arms over your chest. "I had this handled."

"You sure doll?"

"Look I get it- you think that you're some knight in shining armor because you have this macho complex. But I'm fine on my own." You begin to step around the bodies of the men on the ground moving in the direction of your apartment, but Soldier Boy follows you.

"Where do you think you're going?" You turn to look at where he falls into step beside you.

"You shouldn't be walking home alone."

"Well you're sure as hell not going home with me."

His lip turns up in a smirk, towering over you. Soldier Boy is easily a foot taller than you, so broad that it's impossible to look past his imposing figure. It would be attractive if he wasn't so damn annoying. "Come on sweetheart, I know you want me to go home with you." He purrs with a smile. "I think you'd really enjoy it if I did. And I'll even let you tie me up with those pretty vines of yours." Ben leans in towards your face and you take a step back.

"Hard pass. So what? Is this your big move? Acting all chivalrous just to get a woman into bed with you?"

"That depends, is it working?"

"No. Now go back to the apartment, before I send you there in pieces." You turn back to squish down the sidewalk at a faster pace, hoping he will get a hint and leave you alone. But you knew he wouldn’t stop. He practically thrived on teasing you, had been the bane of your existence since you met him. And nothing seemed to dissuade him.

"What is your problem with me?" He jogs to catch up. "And don't say that it's because I tried to kill you, that was last month-"

"I think that's applicable to this week and the week after that and the week after that." You count out with every finger to further emphasize your point, but you know that Soldier Boy won't give up that easy.

"Are you always this fucking angry?" He almost laughs.

"I don’t know. Are you always this fucking annoying?" You turn to face him narrowing your eyes.

Soldier Boy chuckles at your look, running a hand through his hair that has darkened in the spray of water, his green eyes watching you curiously. They were shinning now, not the blacked pits of hate they were when he was beating the guy two minutes ago. For a second, just for a second, you see how handsome he is all over again.

"Come on, give me a real answer and I'll leave you alone." He's smiling at you now, giving you one of those boyish grins that, if it were anyone else, would make your heart stop.

He just wants sex. He doesn't care about you. He won't ever care about you. Breathe.

"Fine." You sigh. "You might say you're a supe, but you're not a hero. People like you and Homelander, you don't care about anyone but yourself. You use your powers for you and on your own terms. You were going to kill that guy-" You gesture back towards where the body is still on the ground, the man's heart beat is dangerously low.

"He was threatening you. A thank you might be nice." Soldier Boy's cheeks flush as he glares down at you with darkened eyes, his anger surging back in his chest.

"Yes he was threatening me, but I'm okay and you could have just taken him to jail. You didn't have to beat his face in."

"So you're saying if he had been attacking someone else you wouldn't have done the same?"

"I would have subdued him and then waited for the police to get there. The men hanging from the streetlight aren't dead. We aren't the law-"

"Right so those guys can get off with a warning and then go on and do the same thing over and over again." He scoffs rolling his eyes at you.

"It doesn't give you the right to kill them."

"I suppose you don't believe in the death penalty either."

"I believe in the death penalty Gramps. I just don't believe it is our job to carry it out." Your temper was flaring against your skin distracting you from the chill of the rain as it soaked into your clothes.

"Do you have any idea how many women would love to be saved by me?" Soldier Boy asks. He shakes his head as if he can't understand you.

You didn't blame him, most people didn't, that was why you spent most of your time alone.

"I'm not one of them. So leave me alone." You turn to go.

Honestly, why is this the kind of guy I attract? You roll your eyes to yourself. Oh you mean, tall, dark, handsome, gorgeous- The other little voice in your head whispers in your ear. NO. You tell yourself. Please I just want one guy who's not a total dick. Why is that so hard?

"I still don't think it's a good answer." He huffs.

"Of course you don't." You roll your eyes and begin to walk again. The streetlamps above send an eerie yellow glow over the parked cars along the road and over the crackled pavement. If Soldier Boy wasn't here bothering you, you might have stopped to admire the water as it splashed underneath the suspension bridge beyond the crowded buildings, but you wanted to get home. Without him if possible.

You glance over at Soldier Boy again. He looks normal right now, always does when he's not wearing his suit. And when he shut up you could see why people were so in love with him. It was when he opened his mouth that it reminded you exactly why you didn't like him.

You stop in front of your apartment building and force yourself to smile. "Thank you for walking me home." You say through tight lips, hoping that the false sincerity will make him leave.

He gazes up at your building with a frown. "This is a pretty shitty apartment building."

"Thank you. Not all of us inherited millions of dollars from our parents."

He pauses for a moment continuing to look up at the building, before he sighs loudly. "Look, I-." He sighs again. "I can't take listening to Annie and Hughie fucking. They go at it every night and she always makes the power go off."

You knew that already. It was another reason why you didn't like staying at the apartment, because listening to your best friend get railed by her boyfriend was not your idea of a good time.

You look up at Ben, and for a second you see a glimmer of the truth, just a flash of something that wasn't like the misogynistic attitude he usually had and it made you pause. He almost looked, sad and it made you feel bad for him. Of course you felt bad for him before, when you found out his entire team just gave him away to be experimented on and when probably the woman that he'd come the closest to loving really didn't care about him at all.

It must be incredibly lonely to come back to a world where almost everyone you know is dead. Guilt builds in your chest at the thought. I had lost my fair share of people, but not everyone in my life and I certainly didn’t learn about it on the same day.

"You know I think that's the first honest thing you've ever said to me." You say quietly shifting from foot to foot.

He half-smiles. "Maybe."

You chew on the inside of your cheek considering. You weren't afraid of him. You knew that with your powers you could take him. You were stronger than most and harder to kill. And despite the bad things you thought about him and knew about him, you kinda thought he was relatively harmless, well, you didn't think he was a rapist.

"Fine. But you're staying on the couch. And if I wake up and you're anywhere near my bedroom, I'll castrate you." You warn as walk up to the front doors and type in the code to unlock them, with Soldier Boy following behind you.

When you make it to the third floor, you raise one hand to stop him from going any further. It falls against his muscular chest and you fail trying not to admire how it feels beneath your hand.

Why am I so thirsty?

"If you wanted to grab my chest doll, all you had to do was ask-" Soldier Boy begins to say, but you raise the hand to cover his mouth.

"Shh." You hiss. "We have to be quiet or Mike will come out-"

"Who?" He asks, muffled against your hand.

You hear a door down the hallway creak open, spilling yellowed light onto the dark blue carpet of the hallway. "Shit. Too late."

Mike steps out of his apartment with a wide smile as soon as he sees you. "HEY y/n!" He crows, waving his free hand enthusiastically. "I didn't know you were getting in so late, but I wanted to give you this." Mike holds out a giant casserole dish filled with something that you can't identify. It's multi colored with multiple layers, one of which looks suspiciously like rice and the next layer looks like cake.

There's no way I'm eating that. Maybe if I force feed it to Soldier Boy he'll leave me alone.

Mike was your neighbor, your neighbor who had lived next door to you for the past 2 years and was shamelessly in love with you. And as sweet as he was, there were a few things that you couldn't get past, most namely that he lived with his mother and that he had a mullet.

One time you'd had a nightmare about it ripping itself from his head, breaking in to your apartment, and smothering you in your sleep.

Not fun.

"Hey Mike." You smile tightly at him, dropping your hand from Soldier Boy's mouth. "Yeah I'm sorry I was out with some friends."

"You should have asked me to come! I love your friends." Mike smiles so wide you're afraid that it's going to break his face. “Especially Butcher. He’s so funny. Always joking-"

Poor Mike.

Every time that Butcher had come over to talk shop, he would mock Mike endlessly. And Mike was just too sweet to realize it. Hughie was the only one who actively tried to be nice to Mike, but even he found it difficult. Annie was the worst though, she'd tease you constantly about what your children would look like and had taken to photoshopping mullets onto pictures of babies and sending them to you at inopportune times.

"Maybe next time." You cough out an awkward laugh while Soldier Boy snorts behind you.

You continue down the hallway towards your apartment, the door next to his, and hope that he'll go back into his home, but no such luck.

“My mom made this for you!” He holds the dish out towards you.

“Oh um that’s so nice of her. But I can’t except that-“

Mike's mother comes to stand in the doorway of their shared apartment. She was wearing a bright purple Mumu, her makeup caked thickly on her face and her eyes accentuated with bright blue eye shadow. “Sure you can sweetie. You’re Mike’s special friend.” She winks before trailing her eyes up and down your body. “And you’ve got such a cute little figure.” His mother does a little shimmy as if trying to get you to do the same.

Kill me now.

“That’s what I keep telling her.” Soldier Boy purrs behind you.

“Don’t make me kill you.” You mutter back, knowing full well he can hear you with his super-hearing.

Oddly enough Mike does look suspiciously like his mother, they are both the same height, exactly three inches under you, and have the same mullet, but hers is a shocking blue-gray and his is jet black.

He blushes at her words. “Aww mom.”

Soldier Boy muffles a laugh before disguising it into a cough. You elbow him hard in the stomach.

“Well thank you.” You take the casserole dish with one hand, hoping that you can open the door and usher Soldier Boy in before he makes a comment. "I've had a long day and it's really late-"

“I helped her make this one.” Mike interrupts scooting closer to you, so close that you get a lungful of his terrible cologne, the one that the super sells for four dollars and smells like baby powder and Cheez-its.

“A man who can do it all.” Soldier Boy whispers to you.

Mike looks above your head as if noticing Soldier Boy for the first time. “Who’s that? I thought I knew all your friends.”

“He’s certainly very handsome-“ Mike's mother blushes from the doorway.

“Your brother?” Mike offers.

You can see his expression turn hopeful.

Probably thinking about how he can become friends with "said brother" and that will escalate our "relationship." 

“I’m Ben.” Soldier Boy says, stepping around you to shake Mike’s hand. “I’m y/n's boyfriend.”

Your cheeks bloom a bright pink, unable to respond to the ridiculous statement that he just made.

Murder. That's what sounds good right now.

“Oh.” Mike’s face falls. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” His eyes flick back to you, disappointment swimming in the irises.

You watch Mike’s hope begin to circle the drain.

“Well actually-“ You begin, but Soldier Boy interrupts you.

“Sorry I’ve been out of town for a while. We've been trying to do this long distance thing- you know how it is, late night phone calls-“ Ben trails off with a wolfish grin before dropping an arm around your shoulders. “But I just couldn’t take the long distance. Missed her too much. Phone call isn’t the same as sleeping in the same bed. Definitely not as satisfying. Not to mention there’s only so much my hand can do.”

Your cheeks bloom an even brighter red at his insinuation.  That’s when Soldier Boy does something even more unforgivable, he pulls you tighter against him and kisses you right there in front of Mike and his mother. The kiss is searing, making everything in your mind go blissfully blank. It had been so long since someone kissed you, since someone had held you this close to them without trying to kill you. His tongue teases your bottom lip and before you can stop yourself you open your mouth wider to let him in sighing softly against his lips, while you grip the front of his jacket.

For a moment you can’t remember why you didn’t want him to kiss you, why you denied yourself of this for so long. And then Soldier Boy's hand slides from your back to grab a handful of your ass.

Right.

You slap him so hard across the face that you're sure it would have broken the cheekbone of anyone who wasn’t a supe.

But Soldier Boy only grins wider, squeezing your butt again. “She knows that I like it a little rough.” He turns his lazy gaze back to Mike.

You open your mouth to cuss him out.

“Well we should probably get going.” Soldier Boy breezes. “Probably going to be a long night. If you know what I mean. But we’ll try to keep it down. Then again my girl's a little loud.” He winks at your poor neighbor who looks like he might cry, while his mother stands behind him fanning herself like Soldier Boy is everything she wants in a man.

He's ten for ten with the older ladies I'll say that.

“Oh right. Well I guess I’ll see you around y/n.” Mike turns to go.

“Mike wait-“ You try to say but he’s already vanishing through the door.

“Nice to meet you Mark.” Soldier Boy calls at his retreating figure, getting his name wrong on purpose.

You don’t even use your key to open the door you're so mad, the plants inside let you in. As soon as it opens, you haul Soldier Boy by the front of his jacket through the doorway and pin him to the wall just inside.

The casserole dish lands on your counter and by some miracle doesn’t break.

“What the hell is your problem?” Your hand is fisted in the front of his shirt, eyes blazing with anger and embarrassment.

He only grins. “You didn’t want me to play along? Sounded like that guy had been trying to get into your pants for a while. Unless he already has been or you want him to?"

You flush a deeper shade of crimson. "That is absolutely none of your business!"

“Well if we’re going to be living together doll, I’m pretty sure it is my business.”

“WE AREN'T LIVING TOGETHER I'M JUST LETTING YOU CRASH ON THE COUCH TONIGHT AND THEN YOU'RE GONE.” You shout.

“I think you’re gonna get pretty attached to me sleeping here. Maybe even  you let me sleep in your bed and even fu-“

You knock him back against the wall again. “If you finish that sentence I’m going to throw you out the window.”

“If you keep knocking me around, Mike's going to think you’re into some pretty kinky stuff.” Soldier Boy smirks down at you. “It’s actually turning me on a bit. Is it turning you on?”

“I don’t have to let you stay here.” You growl, releasing him.

“I think it’s because you like me.” He teases.

“I don’t.” You frown grows. “Okay couch is there goodnight.”

You point in the direction of the worn leather couch. You'd hauled it up three flights of stairs with Annie when you first moved in after you found a guy online selling it for nothing. And when you showed up to get it, he presumed to say it would be free if you let him take a picture of your feet. And after, when he had a black eye and a fun story to tell his wife, he gave you the couch for nothing as promised.

“No kiss goodnight?” Soldier Boy pouts his lips innocently.

“You already had one of those.” You snap thinking about slapping him again and trying hard not to think about how much you wanted to kiss him again.

Get a grip.

“Right. You liked it.”

“No I didn’t. And the next time you shove your tongue into my mouth I’ll bite it off.”

“You’re really violent for such a little thing.” Soldier Boy eyes you up and down as if sizing you up.

“And you’re really dick-like for someone who’s supposed to have the wisdom of the ages.” You turn towards the hallway intent on going to bed to avoid any more conversation with him.

"Whoa." You hear Soldier Boy say as he looks into your living room.

It was the reaction that everyone had when they entered your apartment. You had a small one bedroom apartment on the third floor of a building that you believed might be older than Soldier Boy. The kitchen and living room was mostly one room, the kitchen to the left with outdated appliances and a small circular wooden table with three chairs that served as your kitchen table and desk, and was separated by the large leather aforementioned couch that faced the wall that held two large windows. Beyond the front door was a small hallway that held the only bathroom in the apartment and your bedroom.

But that's not what was surprising.

Every open space in your apartment was covered in plants. There wasn't a single piece of unused space in your apartment. There were large standing monstera and fiddle leaf figs shoved into every corner and pots of dark green pothos bolted into the walls trailing vines to the ground so that every wall looked alive. Jasmine crept along the wall behind the tv that sat on an antique credenza between the two windows, sending the bright scent into the living room.

There was a large rectangular box bolted in the space above your sink where herbs and tomatoes hung down, probably a fire hazard, but you didn't care. The vibrant smell of mint, the spicy smell of rosemary, and soft tones of oregano and basil fused the air in your apartment with a life force that was impossible to ignore.

A large apple tree grew in a pot as big around as you next to the couch, with brilliant red apples hanging from it's branches, while a lemon tree and a tangerine tree intertwined their branches just behind the kitchen table.  The refrigerator, once white, was covered in the tangled vines of blackberry and raspberry, hanging with full fruit, while a potted strawberry plant sits prettily on top of the kitchen table, the bright red fruit enticing.

It was a lot. You knew it was a lot, but helping plants grow was the only thing you were good at, the only thing that felt right. One day you hoped that you could move somewhere and open a farmers market, but today you were stuck here, with Soldier Boy, who probably thought that you were crazy.

"I mean. I knew you had plant powers but this is-" He begins to say.

"A lot. I know." You roll your eyes. "The bathroom is down the hall." You gesture with your free hand towards the darkened hallway. "I guess I'll get you a pillow."

Ben is still looking around the room dumbfounded, as if he's never seen anything like this in his life, and he probably hasn't.

He's been in a Russian Lab for the past forty years, I mean he's probably not used to seeing anything this green.

You find the extra pillow in the linen closet along with one of the crocheted granny square blankets you made last year when Annie and you had a Jaws movie marathon, and a towel, before you move back into the living room.

Ben is still standing awkwardly by the couch as if he's not sure what to do, and it's the first time you've seen him look lost.

"Here." You throw him the pillow and the towel before you drape the blanket over the back of the couch. "One night."

"Why are you working for Butcher?"

"What?" The question catches you off guard. You were expecting him to make another pass at you, maybe check you out again. He was looking at you, but it was different, his gaze was softer, curious.

"You don't seem like you-" He gestures around the room. "Like you fit."

You blink for a second. "Um."

"I mean Annie used to be one of the Seven, Hughie does whatever the fuck Butcher tells him, but you you're different." His brow furrows together as if he can't figure you out.

"I really don't want to do this with you."

"This?" He looks confused again.

"Opening up with one another. You're here for one night. That's it." You force yourself to say, but the reality was you were still surprised, surprised that he actually seemed to care.

Stop. He's changing tactics because nothing else worked. He's pretending to care about you because he still wants to sleep with you.

"Please."

You can't answer for a second. It was the first time that he'd said that word in front of you before, or acted this way. It was also the first time that it had just been the two of you, before Butcher had been there or Frenchie or Annie and Hughie, but this was the first time that the two of you had been left alone.

Maybe that's why?

You hesitate before you answer, he was the last person you really wanted to open up to.

"I don't know, it's not all that bad." You shrug. "Before I didn't really use my powers all that much except like this." You gesture around the room for emphasis. "And when I went to college everyone was so serious about their futures and I didn't really like any of the classes. The only thing I enjoyed was using my powers at Please Don’t Die, the plant store I work at. And then Annie asked me to come help her out-" You bite your cheek. "She's my best friend and maybe I wanted to spend more time with her."

"But is it what you really want?" He cocks his head to the side, holding the pillow in one hand and the towel in the other.

You'd never seen him look so calm before, relaxed, like being here with you was washing away any anger or frustration he still had about the past. It was confusing, and at the same time you could feel your heart beginning to betray you. It was hard not to fall for him when he looked so good, eyes soft, dark hair falling into his eyes, clothes still dripping rain on your hardwood floors.

No. I will not fall in love with him, I will not fall in love with-

"Goodnight Soldier Boy. I'll see you in the morning." You turn to go, ignoring his final question.

"You can call me Ben." He almost whispers it, the sound of his voice a low rumble that sends a shiver down your spine.

"What?" You look back at him.

"You never call me Ben. But you can, if you want." He shrugs his shoulders, before he shakes his head as if he's annoyed with himself for suggesting it. "Never mind, just fucking forget about it-"

"Goodnight Ben." You feel the end of your mouth twitch up into a smile and with that you disappear into your bedroom, locking the door behind you.

And deep down you know that it's not to keep him out, but to keep you in.

As always, thank you so much for reading!

If you liked this story be sure to read my follow up fic that takes place in the future:

Open Mic Night!

Or if you'd like to read another series please try:

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love!

If The Stars Wish It So

A/N: I know it's crazy to start another series right now, but I'm kinda feeling this reader and Ben together? What do y'all think about it?

A/N: Update I've made a huge mistake and started another series.

If you'd like to be added to the taglist please let me know!

(Photos for series picture from Pinterest)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester

[elysianholly]

A Spuffy Fan's Perspective on the Reboot

So, as most Buffy fandom knows (unless they’ve been living under a rock in a crater on the Hellmouth), it was announced yesterday that SMG is involved in a Buffy reboot sequel series, one in which she will be a recurring but not central character.

As a lifelong Buffy fan, I’m expected to be overjoyed at this news, and I’m, well, not. Nor are a good number of people deeply entrenched in fandom. I’m super happy for the people who are excited. As a Spuffy fan, though, it’s hard to be jazzed for a number of reasons, among these being that SMG is most definitely a Bangel shipper, and despite being overwhelmingly more popular than Bangel in current times, Spuffy is often overlooked in a lot of key areas of the “official” Buffy promotions, the comics being a notable and welcome exception.

One thing I’ve noticed is a lot of people in Spuffy fandom are more than just “not normal” about Spuffy. I’ve struggled for 20+ years to both identify and articulate why the ship resonates with me so much to the point that news like this can make my anxiety spiral. I understand it’s not an ideal reaction media, but I have lived inside a neurodivergent brain my entire life and that ain’t about to change. And I’m not the only one—I’ve met and interacted with many, many people who feel as intensely as I do and also struggle to articulate why news like this distresses them.

So for everyone who is like me, slightly more than just “not normal” about Spuffy (or any aspect of Buffy!) and distressed about the news, here are some things I keep reminding myself.

Buffy is an Established Multi-Universe Property

We know that there are multiple universes in Buffy; it’s explored in The Wish and then confirmed by Anya later in the series. Not just multiple dimensions, but divergent/adjacent worlds to the one we saw in the show. This has been later explored in the comics, such as The Lost Summer, the Boom reboot, and The Last Vampire Slayer, never mind the plethora of authorized novels and the recent audio play. These were all officially sanctioned, licensed productions that exist outside the official canon.

All of these stories matter, regardless of whether or not they’re considered “official.” For my Spuffy people, some are Spuffy friendly and some are not. We acknowledge what we want to acknowledge and leave the rest behind. Me? If I find the sequel reboot upsetting, I’ll mentally shove it into one of those other worlds, the same as I’ve done with the comics for years (yes, even if they got Spuffy friendly).

One of the points that was brought up yesterday when I suggested just giving the sequel reboot the comics treatment was it’s harder to ignore if SMG is involved. And I get that; I felt the same way about the Slayers audioplay, because significant OG cast members were involved so it felt more official. But upon reflection, I do still think it’s the same as the comics, which were spearheaded and overseen by JW and still considered (until this sequel reboot happens) the official post-series canon. If the involvement of original artists is what makes or breaks something’s authority, then the medium shouldn’t really matter.

And on that note…

Star Wars Legends, Halloween, Terminator, & Other Reboots

For years—decades—following Return of the Jedi, the official Star Wars canon was continued in novels, the same as Buffy was. There was a rich tapestry of intergalactic politics, Leia and Han’s Force family, Luke and Mara Jade, and characters like Grand Admiral Thrawn that proved so popular he’s been recanonized.

These books existed and still exist. The new movies, the reset of canon, all things involving Rey Palpatine Skywalker and Kylo Ben Ren exist alongside established, official property. I know plenty of people who were upset that their investment in the extended Star Wars family was essentially nixed with the sequel series 10 years ago, and others who chose not to acknowledge the sequel series but maintain their post-Jedi canon.

In an era of reboots and sequel series, canon can become a bit diluted. You can’t just erase everything that came before you decided to hit the “start over” button. The recent Halloween trilogy flat-out ignored multiple movies to tell the story it wanted to tell. Terminator has done the same thing, multiple times, with the Sarah Connor Chronicles being officially licensed and more or less officially scrapped, and the last Terminator movie retconning like, what, four or five that came out after Judgment Day. That is to say, established canon doesn’t really matter in this era, because the people making these decisions are doing what fan artists have done for decades; keeping what they want, tossing all else aside, and focusing on the story they want to tell.

If what came before and what has been long established doesn’t matter (and I actually do love this; it opens up worlds and essentially gives us licensed what-if fics), then canon itself is kind of nebulous. It doesn’t matter what is or isn’t established, because established canon is a moving target, subject to personal interpretation. Don’t like the Halloween reboot? Ignore it. There are other movies out there. Don’t like the clusterfuck Disney has made of Star Wars? There is a fully developed alternative. Don’t like any of the options? Come up with your own. Comics do it all the time with superhero stories, and Buffy is nothing if not a superhero.

It’s All Fiction

This is what drives my husband crazy when I try to explain my beyond not normal feelings about Spuffy. It’s all fiction. We’re not talking about historical events here. All fiction lives in exactly one place, ultimately, and that’s between your ears. If you don’t like the way a fictional story went, you can do what fanartists have been doing for years and create your own fix-it. Or find a ready-made fix-it; I promise it exists. And the more I think about it, the less stock I put into “official” stories that are told primarily to make money. The people who are here telling these stories because they love the characters and know the characters on levels that frankly outperform most licensed stuff.

In Summary

So I’ve rambled a lot, but here are the key points to take away:

Buffy is canonically a multi-universe property so the world we’re shown by official licensed sources see isn’t the only one that exists. I didn’t say this in the section, but in this way, all fanfic is canon, because each exists in a different universe

If canon is not sacred in the world of reboots, then what they try to sell us as canon is debatable, negligible, and ultimately fine to just not acknowledge

Official canon doesn’t really matter all that much when you can pick your own, which you can and should

I hope this helps my fellow Spuffys and anyone else who is struggling with the news. My siblings in beyond just not normal. Your feelings, even if you have trouble explaining or understanding them, are valid. You’re not silly. It’s never silly to be upset about news that impacts something important to you. And there’s still so much we don’t know, so speculation abounds, but whatever comes of this, I hope you find some comfort in the freedom of being able to do exactly what the for-profit storytellers do all the time and just fucking ignore what doesn’t suit them.

In the meantime, Elysian Fields Archive will remain a Spuffy exclusive safe space, and I imagine will be home to a shitload of fix-its if the pilot gets picked up, so you’re free to join us there.

Until then, be good to yourself, and to somebody else.

[starguardianniom]

Billy and Lighter

I love their dynamic so much.

Freaking Lighter of all people sees Billy as his worthy rival.

Ngl but I legit think it's because Billy is the only one he can fight without being afraid of passing out.

Given Lighter faints at the sight of blood and that Billy is an android, if Billy gets hurt he will probably leak oil, but no blood, which is perfect for Lighter.

I honestly, half-seriously thinks that's the sole reason Lighter considers Billy is rival, because he won't risk embarassing himself if he manages to hurt Billy while fighting as Billy has no blood for him to faint to.

But he also does respect him given he thinks highly of him and actually likes him like a brother too.

They playfully tease one another but you can also clearly see that Lighter has a high opinion of Billy and is also happy for him to have found happiness somewhere else too, and that's so wholesome, my heart.

I was pratically screaming of joy in my head the entire time yesterday when I speedrun the chapter (I had the day off lucky me so I used it to clear out chapter 4 entirely yeah!).

I took so many pictures, will upload them this weekend, now I need to go do that certification exam to get my people to level 50, given I need to level up pretty much everyone I have right now (Billy, Anby, Nicole, Corin, Soukaku, Ben, Anton, Seth, Jane and Lucy are the characters I currently have the game refuses me Piper and just sended me a lil army of Corins, Anby and Soukaku, now I have Anby and Soukaku to M4 and Corin to M3, though it gave me Billy M2 and Seth M2 thank god) I'll be at it for a while.

But honestly I expected Lighter to be a bit more mean toward Billy and feeling superior to him but it seems like I was worried for nothing, Lighter loves Billy and Billy loves him back, though I'm pretty sure Billy also thinks that he wasn't able to escape Lighter entirely given he now has Anby around. XD Lighter keeps forgetting things and Anby keeps forgetting the line between fiction and reality, I imagine Billy must be used to Anby because he had to spend half his time reminding Lighter of stuff all the time. XD

I swear Billy had it better than Lighter back then, given he was the Champion that means he was the strongest of the Sons of Calydon, which means he's stronger than Big Daddy, and Big Daddy is most likely the one who raised and taught Caesar how to fight, so if she didn't get the title of Champion back then, then Billy was most likely strong enough to beat her too and Big Daddy. But then he left. But he also got to meet Lighter before that, but Lighter is weaker than Caesar but still has the title for some reason, so it's a bit murky there as to why they needed 2 champions.

I think Billy wanted to leave or something happened that made him leave and then Big Daddy brought in Lighter to pick up his title but Billy sticked around long enough to make sure Lighter was up for the job given they have a good brotherly friendly rivalry relationship together so once Billy thought Lighter was ready he gave him his title and left. And then Caesar got to be the new boss of the Sons of Calydon when Big Daddy retired, and was strong enough that she was able to beat Lighter apparently.

But the title of Champion is basically being the number 2 of the gang, so if the leader isn't around it's most likely the champion calling the shots and making sure everything is alright and settling disputes and what nots, but since Lighter is pretty scatterbrained, most of the duties went to Lucy while Lighter is just now extra muscles, since Lucy is pretty much the one making sure everything is alright and being the brains of the Sons, but she clearly doesn't have the strenght to be the Champion because Lighter is the one with that title.

So I imagine Billy used to handle negotiations and relations and other stuff with Big Daddy before he left and probably used to be deadly efficient, in some parts of the story he is a lot more aware and shrewd than he presents himself most of the time, such as asking us about the H.D.D and asking why we'd bother to be proxies when we could have done so much more and get a much more lucrative job, or when he was ready to sell us out to PubSec to save the Cunning Hares and himself pointing out that the Cunning Hares could get their record cleaned if they reported a proxy, which was a very smart way of thinking given their situation back then. He is also knowledgeable about the Outer Ring, so he is way much smarter than he acts too.

I do feel like Billy is seen as a superior predecessor to Lighter and while Lighter doesn't resent Billy at all for it he also feels the need to prove himself to him in some way to live up to his "brother's" legacy.

Lucy probably didn't have much to do until Billy left and Big Daddy retired. Then she basically became the second half of the Champion title in the Sons of Calydon, being the brain to Lighter's brawn, but Billy before them had the title on his own to the point that he is still feared today by other people in the Outer Ring.

It does beg the question of what was Billy like back then, probably less happy and more brutal and having the mindset of a weapon maybe, but he was still cared for a lot.

I also like to think that Big Daddy called him Billy Kid because he honestly saw Billy as "his" kid when he bought him from a group of drifters, now I really want the whole story, if they release Big Daddy and Lighter, give them more content with Billy, I need more, Hoyo!

[mothandpidgeon]

P Boy Podcasts

I was swapping podcast recs with @schnarfer and asked her what kind of podcasts would each of the Pedro boys host? (I’m a bit of a podcast junkie. I'm literally listening to one right now.) Well, we were brainstorming and I went and created episode art for each of their shows. Which ones are you subscribing to?

Nic on Nic Get a peek into the brain of legendary talent Nicolas Cage. Cage collaborator (and fanboy) Javi Guttierez is watching everything from Con Air to National Treasure 2. Take a deep dive into the films of Nic Cage and hear exclusive interviews with the man himself.

The Unfortunates There are spies living among us, everyday people living double lives. What makes them do it? And how do they keep their secrets? Each week, Dave York shares a true story from the clandestine world of espionage. 

Foundlings Din Djarin’s parenting journey has never gone to plan because he never planned on becoming a dad! Come along as he navigates the challenges of single parenting a 50 year old son. Each week Din leads insightful discussions with a range of guests— pediatricians, parenting experts, and  other parents that are just trying to figure it all out.

Declassified Drugs, danger, and dames. The fall of Escobar made way for the Cali Cartel. Hear the story from  Agent Javier Pena as he recalls the hunt for the Cali Cartel and reveals details that have never been heard before. 

Tales from the Green Ezra shares spooky fales of distant worlds on this anthology fiction podcast. All set on the Green Moon, these bizarre and enthralling stories introduce you to a lush world filled with intrigue and danger. 

Heist The Mona Lisa only became a cultural icon after it was stolen in 1911. Learn about the greatest capers in the art world with host Marcus Pike. Hear first hand accounts going undercover during his time in the FBI. 

No Cap 4 best friends chat about anything and everything. Hear Santi, Will, Frankie, and Ben give their takes on dating, travel, and current events. You’ll love listening to them react to r/aita. 

UNKNOWN ZONE Alien encounter? Evidence of the lost city of Atlantis? Ghost fucking? Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Join celebrity host Dieter Bravo for real life brushes with the unknown!

Joel’s Construction Corner Have a burning home improvement question? Or maybe you just like a southern drawl? Host Joel Miller has 30 years of experience in contracting and he’s here to share his advice with you. As soon as he figures out how to use this damn computer. Ellie does the ad reads with a pun for every one. 

Hungry History What does the invention of margarine have to do with Napoleon? Did Marco Polo really introduce pasta to Italy? Which Founding Father had a craving for ice cream? Follow your stomach to discover the origins of your favorite foods as we travel back in time with host Pero Tovar. 

--

I might've gone overboard. But I wish these all existed???

If you reblog this please rec me your favorite podcasts in the tags.

[tryingtofindava]

Hello there! <3 I wanted to request aiden from sbg x f reader one shot :3. Like, them and group going camping, sitting against campfire where there is a lot of fluff between reader and aiden 🥰 And maybe later when him and reader are alone together, he confesses his feelings for her. Love ya! 🩷

── 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐖𝐨𝐨𝐝

{[Aiden Clark x Fem! Reader]}

: ̗̀➛Back to Source

The group was sitting out back in Ash’s backyard, the campfire crackles and pops, sending sparks into the night sky.

The flames dance with vibrant hues of orange, yellow, and red. You hear the gentle hiss of burning wood, the soft wind, and the occasional laughter from everyone.

The school buses surrounding the group like a protective shield, it was currently 10PM…Two more hours until you had to go back to the Phantom Realm.

Taylor and Aiden had thought it would be a good idea to have a little fun before you’d have to go back to the torturous place. And what better way to do that then roast marshmallows on a fire in the good old School Bus Graveyard?

Though, as you stared into the dancing flames, you were oblivious to the watchful red eyes observing you. Ben gave Aiden a knowing look, the boy nudging the bleached blonde forward.

Aiden Clark was a lot of things, loud, boisterous, outgoing… He’s a lively and sociable person who often speaks at length, even when the others aren't paying attention.

But around you? He becomes a tamer version of himself, still unbelievably energetic and wild, but softer, gentler, more nervous.

He gives his cousin a look, a mischievous look in his eye. “I’m gonna get more wood, the fire isn’t big enough.” The fire was plenty big enough, he had kept chucking store bought logs in.

Cackling like a maniac when the fire would hiss and spark every time, growing bigger and more unpredictable.

“C’mon, Y/n. We’re on ‘get this fire roaring’ duty!!” He tugged you up from your makeshift seat, you didn’t protest as you followed him over to where Ben, Ash and Logan had dumped the bags of wood. You ignored the look everyone gave you two as you ventured off away from the camp fire.

You guys were where Logan, Tyler and Ash had dropped of the bags of wood. Watching as Aiden eagerly teared open the bag. “Y’know, you look reaaalllyyy pretty tonight.” He looked up at you from his crouching position.

You felt your cheeks grow hotter, you shift in your spot, before crouching down to help him make a small pile of the soon to be sacrificed wood.

“You’re so upfront.” You answered honestly, blowing your hair out your face. “Good way? Or bad way?” He asked, brows furrowed lightly, though his grin remained.

“Good way, I promise.”

He seemed happy with that answer. Here goes nothing… “We should go out sometime, just us. Like the arcade, or movies… fancy restaurant if you’re into that. Cause, I think you’re really cool!! It would be totally awesome, ya feel? Hahaha..” He word vomits, his little ramble making the corner of your lips tug up.

You smile sweetly at him, he was so generous. Did you like him? Maybe more as a friend?

These feelings you’d been harbouring for him… when he saved you from the phantom… How he protected you from the fight at the arcade with Barron and his goons.

Was it silly to say that your first name goes just swell with Clark?

Your palms were suddenly clammy, the beat of silence didn’t go unnoticed by the very watchful boy. “Only if you want to-“ he tried to play it off, the tension making the normally loud and proud boy nervous.

You cut him off with a kiss on his flushed cheek, his skin warm against your lips. After the sweet peck you smiled at him softly. “I’d like that a lot.”

His brain was screaming at him, YIPPIE! WAHOO! ZOOWEE MAMA!!!

He didn’t even notice you stood up with some fire wood in your arms, he filled suit gathering up the rest. Walking back over to the group.

You’d have to get more details on your newfound date later, right now, you just wanted to have some fun with your friends… Especially Aiden.

GOD IVE BEEN HOLDING THIS ONE OFF FOR AWHILE!!! I srsly hope this fandom isn’t dead…Pspspspsps… c’mere SBG fandom…. Pspspsps… Aiden Clark content…… pspspsps?

[serverusslaype]

Shameless AU - Jealousy

Severus Snape x professor!reader one-shot

Masterpost & other things!

guys remember i asked about whether you'd be interested in a jealous scene? well, i chose to do it in an AU sort of thing, where reader is a Slytherin instead. so special thanks to @caster-of-puppets for that idea! this isn't long, it's just a little one-shot, but yeah. i wrote this a while ago and i decided to finish it just now after my brain said no to writing part 15 fml. i just couldn't think of how to start it.

so, i hope you enjoy this. :)

warnings: slightly nsfw near the end, so minors, please, DNI!!

Dinner had just finished, and most of the students had filed out of the hall, apart from a few stragglers. You, Ben and Flitwick were currently engaged in a conversation, though, it was moreso just Ben and Flitwick talking. You had zoned out a while ago, the constant drone of Ben bragging about his Ministry job was enough to send you to sleep. It was surprising that Flitwick hadn't made some sort of excuse to drop out of the conversation to save his sanity, perhaps he enjoyed such dull and tedious chatter.

As you stood beside Ben, your hands were clasped together in front of you, bored eyes darting aimlessly around the Great Hall. You found yourself admiring the stone statues, until Ben's hand curled around your waist, pulling you closer to him, his fingers sitting dangerously close to where Severus's fingers had been that night. Your muscles stiffened slightly at the sudden touch.

All of a sudden, a creeping feeling of being watched climbed up your spine, and within seconds, your confused eyes were searching around the Great Hall, soon landing on a pair of very familiar, deep, dark ones. They burned into you a thousand hot needles, setting your skin ablaze.

There he stood, lingering beside a rambling Filch with hands tucked behind his back, sharp eyes determinedly stuck on you like a glue trap, darting down towards the hand that tightened around your waist. His face was pale, daunting and almost frightening with the way he was glaring at the two of you with deathlike eyes.

Was he... jealous?

You daringly decided to test the waters. With a tilt of your head, you kept your curious eyes on Severus and leant into Ben, allowing your hands to unclasp themselves and rest atop of Ben's one. Immediately, Severus's jaw twitched and his fists balled beneath the dramatic waterfall of his black cloak. A tiny, cheeky smile picked at the corners of your lips as you relished in his reaction, a warm, tingling sensation pooling in your stomach. Was it toxic that you were getting off on this? Perhaps.

You glanced back to Flitwick, shuffling in your spot as you offered him a kind smile, your eyes darting back to where Severus had stood. Though, only Filch remained. You frowned. Shit, did that piss him off? No, surely not, he knows you only want him, and not Ben... right?

"Um, excuse me, I'll be back in a bit." You said with a forced smile, glancing between Ben and Flitwick. They quickly returned it, still deeply invested in conversation. You had to force yourself not to roll your eyes at the pair. Seriously, is a job at the Ministry that interesting? Jesus.

Slinking away with a huff, you slipped out through the door in the corner of the Hall, shutting it quietly. Before you were even five steps down the corridor, a rough hand latched onto your arm and pulled you into a shadowed corner, your back slamming against the stone wall. That well-known scent of sweet wine, smoke and fresh books surrounded you, and you instantly knew who had dragged you aside.

Severus stepped in front of you, his black cloak sweeping behind him. Those large, unyielding hands held your arms captive beside your torso as his wicked black eyes burned into yours furiously. You suddenly felt incredibly short in his presence.

"Do you think you're clever, acting like that in front of me?" Severus's deep voice rumbled through you, his fingers squeezing around your arms in a vice-like grip.

"Like what?" You asked, voice quiet and soft, painting an innocent expression upon your face. Severus's lip twitched irritatingly at your answer, and he stepped forwards so your bodies were touching.

"You know exactly what you were doing, you stupid girl," Severus whispered harshly, pushing his face impossibly close to yours. His hot breath tickled your cheeks, and you found yourself blushing, a pretty shade of crimson blossoming across your soft cheeks.

"So what if I was?" You whispered back, your twinkling eyes fixed to his.

"You're dancing on a very dangerous and thin line, Miss L/N." Severus uttered, tongue clicking as he stared down at you, nostrils flaring as his breaths became more desperate and ragged.

"Am I?" You taunted him, inching your face forwards, grazing your nose against his. You heard his breath hitch, and it sent an excited shiver speeding down your spine. A mischievous, toothy grin spread across your face at his lack of control.

"You're much too bold for a girl of your age." He muttered and swallowed thickly, evidently trying to get ahold of his 

"Maybe you're just losing your touch, professor." You whispered, shifting your head so your lips were beside his ear; teeth scraping against his lobe tantalisingly. A muffled and broken groan caught in his throat. Severus hated to admit it, but something about you calling him by his title made his stomach hot. "Cat got your tongue, Severus?" You blinked slowly as you brought your head back from the side of his face, dilated eyes staring up into his heavy-lidded ones. Evidently, he was slowly losing control.

"Hush," Severus hissed, pressing a hand over your mouth. You couldn't help but feel a tad turned on by it. "I can't bear to hear you say one more thing."

Slowly, you reached a hand up, prying his fingers from your lips, "And why's that, professor?" You purred. He growled at the name, slipping his hand behind your head, greedily burying his fingers in the locks of your hair. The softness of it made him groan, and suddenly, he was imagining what it'd be like to fuck you with a fistful of your hair. Perhaps you'd listen then.

Severus clenched his jaw, "I'm not sure you'd like my answer." He said lowly, almost like a warning. His black eyes flicked over your soft features, silently admiring you. He'd never witnessed such beauty, and he sure as hell wasn't going to miss the opportunity to drink you in like a delicious wine.

"Try me." You whispered and lifted a hand to grab at the edge of his cloak, tugging him towards you as if to encourage him. And if that wasn't enough, you boldly stood on the tips of your toes to press a light kiss to his jaw.

Severus was teetering on the edge of a very bad decision, and the fact that you had your hands on him wasn't helping his case - it felt as if you were right behind him, pushing him, desperately trying to make him fall off of it. In all his years of practicing self-discipline and control, never had he come across such a tempting and alluring individual such as yourself. Severus felt as if you were some sort of test - perhaps this was all in his imagination.

"You know you want to," you purred again, pressing your parted lips upon his jawbone, "show me what Severus Snape is truly capable of." Teasingly, you nipped at his pale skin with your teeth, and that grounded the wizard. No, no, this was most definitely real.

Before you could pull your head away from his, Severus crashed his lips against yours hungrily, and you melted into his touch like an ice cream left in the sun. He had you pressed against the stone wall, lips locked with yours in an intense, fiery fight. A large, cool hand flew to your hip and pulled you against his strong body. Despite being dressed, you could feel every outline of his figure, and you couldn't help but selfishly reach a hand down to feel his torso. Severus groaned at your touch, and it felt like his body was on fire.

He needed you, and now.

He had to force himself to pull his lips off of yours, and you reluctantly obliged, your eyes opening and gazing up at his like a lost, lovesick puppy. "My office. Now." Severus ordered breathlessly as his hand slid up from your hips to your arm, his fingers wrapping around it with a tight grip. He tugged you along with him as he suddenly set off into a quick walk.

"Look how eager you are," you cooed tauntingly, a smirk growing on your lips as you let Severus lead you, "I knew you'd cave. So weak." That crude smirk turned into a proud grin, though it was quickly dropped as Severus whipped around, his black hair swishing with him.

You gasped as you were shoved backwards, hitting the wall with a soft thud. It wasn't a hostile shove, but rather a show of dominance from Severus - which was rather unusual. Apparently, you brought out the hidden, dark side to him. Something you were very, very eager to see and experience.

A bashful smile crept onto your lips as you gazed up at Severus with wide eyes, far from scared. This should have enraged him, however, it intrigued him instead. His eyes narrowed into thin slits as he glowered down at you with a scowl, a tempting tingle settling between your legs.

Severus leaned down, pushing his face into yours, and you tilted your head downwards slightly though still keeping eye contact. "I'm going to ruin that audacious, pretty little mouth of yours." He muttered with a wicked promise, lifting a hand to grasp your jaw, running his thumb over your bottom lip. Your breath hitched at his touch. "Perhaps then you'll learn when to speak." Severus tutted, pausing for a moment to glide his fingers down your neck, eliciting a shiver of goosebumps to litter your burning skin.

Without further ado, Severus's hand returned to your arm, and he tugged you away again, in the direction of his office. You were sure that after he had his way with you, you'll have learned a lot more than just learning when to speak...

[pauleentology]

pauleentology rises from the dead

things I'd really really really love to see in sbg season 3🥳🥳

but it's midnight at the time i'm writing this and my brain is only half-working

as we all know sbg season 2 has come to an end😞😞 and suddenly I don't look forward to Wednesdays as much anymore HOWEVERR since Red has made her presence known on Tumblr this place cannot be more perfect to share my thoughts and expectations (absolutely no pressure🙏🙏) for the next SBG season since I refuse to believe it ends like that like you CANNOT tell me that's how their story ends😞😞

1. Starting off simple— they HAVE to reunite one way or another because I doubt they'd be able to survive too long in pairs because over the course of SBG they really have grown somewhat dependednt and EXTREMELY attached to each other 🙏

-Ashlyn and Ben

Ashlyn will most likely blame herself for the group's current predicament— split up. And putting the two characters who have trouble communicating together is a CRIME however I'm kinda excited to see how it plays out (I love their dynamic together and I really wanna see their development as a duo especially now as they can communicate with ASL

-Logan and Taylor

i don't know how to explain them but i love them so much like they're just adorably together like a bubbly extrovert and a timid introvert (not infantilizing okay) they just make me really happy i just wanna throw something

I can see this one happening omgosh like Taylor worrying and being inconsolable being away from Tyler who's literally her other half just like the painful few hours in the phantom dimension after Tyler fell out of the jeep and the dreadful wait in the hospital combined with the hours-long search for his body that same night— angst yes— and then Logan trying his best to comfort her like maybe he steps out of his comfort zone and tries a hug because thats how she comforts him or maybe he'll try distracting her by talking about astronomy or plants like omg😭😭

that was one single sentence uhm

-Tyler and Aiden

Yes the tyden shippers shuffle in

Recipe for chaos— adrenaline junkie and nonchalant dreadhead— pessimist and optimist in denial like WHATT

Tyler would be even grumpier without Taylor and y'know he'd keep shooting down Aiden's attempts at lightheartedness which would be painful to see (and amazing angst material so) you get my point??

2. Aiden crashout

Like his whole defense and cheery front crumbles angst angst angst you get it

3. Talking Ben

Ben talks.

not the guy from talking tom and friends

4. Their skill sets and individual weapons

-just some things i wanna see more of in each character but not on a deep level because i'm way too sleep deprived for this at the moment

The exposition of the characters through the class introductions with their likes and interests and stuff I feel wasn't utilized as much as it could've and I wish we get to see more of it this season 😞

and their weapons like where did Taylor's spiky ball go😞

Ashlyn - more of the killies🙏

Aiden - have Tyler dye his hair and make him have a crashout

Ben - talk. ASL. more Taylor interactions🙏

Logan - we still haven't gotten his backstory in full like you can't just tell us you have ties with the Mafia then never talk about it again🙏🙏

Taylor - Like mentioned with their skill sets, she was said to have been in the mechanics club even for career opportunities too (mentioned) so I really want to get to see more of mechanic Taylor😞 Like make her go full Violet Baudelaire mode and cook something up

Tyler - a break. let my guy rest

5. Angst.

6. ben and taylor

[unserenedreaming]

Yellowjackets ranking

We made it to the finally folks. This season had a lot of lows and a lot of highs. Some things were terrible (the weird team change Hannah did but sike she's actually still sane, Melissa killing Van even though the letter seemed to agree with what she said to Shauna) and some things were excellent (the reveal that the primordial screeching of It was just horny frogs, Misty and Shauna's van carpool from hell, Shauna's crash out in the present timeline). I think they can squeeze out one more good season, but if they try to do five seasons it's not gonna be pretty. Also, the fact that they had Callie push Lottie instead of having her rear back and Lottie stumbling was a choice I don't agree with, but no matter my pleas they won't let me into the writers room. And that's the end of my prologue...

WILDERNESS

I would die for them:

Jackie: I never skip the credits because sometimes it's the only time I get to see her precious face. At least we got a name drop by Travis, but I miss her so much

Mari: poor Mari. As soon as Shauna moved I knew it was over for her. In hindsight, having a character only introduced two episodes ago be the sacrifice would be some PLL shit from the later seasons, but it still hurt. I was hoping she was the last survivor, but alas. Now all my hope is banking on...

Akilah: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET HER SURVIVE AND LIVE ON A FARM AND BE HAPPY. She deserves it. I just want her to be happy and to spend time with her little brother who she misses so much

Nat: This season has shown that Nat's mercy can be gutting (Coach Ben) but that it can also lead to wonderful things (the voice on the other end of the phone). She's everything Shauna isn't - she's kind, caring, and actually wants the people around her to survive. After suffering more than Jesus this summer, she deserves to be the reason that they get rescued.

Van: Van's tears when she found Mari hurt me. She already didn't want to do this - she knows they could've been back in society by now, had it not been (in part) for the woman she loved and still loves. It's so hard to reconcile with the fact that the most important person in the world to you is one of the main sources of your suffering, and Liv portrays that so well. They're incredible.

Misty: She's fully on the team Nat train, and her little smirk when Shauna finds out she's been duped, a total 180 from the pilot, was absolutely delicious. I love her and her dirty kitten sweaters

Travis: He's drunk, he's exhausted, and he's spitting straight facts. The man has accepted that he's surrounded by crazy teenaged girls and the best way to survive is to get high and fade into the background, only occasionally coming back to lay some hard truths. He also gave the only Jackie mention this episode, love that for him.

Gen: Her earnestness to try and give Mari a fighting chance gives her a leg up

I care but not as much as the others:

Hannah, Melissa (loved watching her choke Shauna out), the other girls

IDGAF:

Tai: girlie pop you need to listen to your girlfriend because she's currently the only one with brain cells in your relationship. Shauna is not someone you want to ally yourself with. Adult Tai realized this too late, and it's hard to watch teen Tai knowing how everything plays out...

Lottie: As a firm believer in the "it's all bullshit" camp, watching Lottie's dream sequences was a snooze fest for me. She's crazy and she knows how to incite a frenzy in those who are equally crazy (Tai and...)

Shauna: Watching her realize she'd been tricked by half the people she thought were loyal was intoxicating. She is the Worst. She is the reason Mari is dead, which makes it so delightful when she realizes the woman she thought was her most loyal soldier betrayed her.

PRESENT DAY:

I would die for them:

Jeff: This man continues to roll with the punches. Unstable, murderous wife? Keeps on keeping on. Gets involved with a murder coverup on a cult compound? Keeps on keeping on. Gets told by his unstable murderous wife that they need to evacuate because someone is trying to kill them? Keeps on keeping on. Finds out his daughter killed someone in self defense? Keeps on keeping on, putting his daughter as his main priority and removing them both from a toxic situation (Shauna). The King continues to keep his crown steady no matter what

Shauna: We only saw the start of her crashout and already I'm so excited. Shauna's only tethers to humanity in the present day have rightfully gotten the fuck away from her, and now it's Feral Shauna time. I'm so excited to see what Melanie does next

Misty: She continues to be the most sane Yellowjacket standing. Her conversation with Shauna as she casually cleans Caligula's cage was a thing of beauty. And her team up with Tai? I'm excited to see the results

Tai: We didn't get as much Tawny this episode as I was hoping, which was a choice, but her insistence to bury Van herself, and the aforementioned team up with Misty have me, as I said above, excited

Van: We only saw your hair, an arm, and either your heart or your liver, but you were very present in this episode my dear. I miss you

Walter: I need he and Misty to reconcile. Misty deserves a rich simp who hangs on her every word, she just needs to learn to trust him and let him in

Callie: I too would push someone who called me "our baby" and said that she'd been waiting 26 years for me down a flight of stairs. I don't agree with how they did it, but I too would shove a crazy bitch. Callie just wants love from her mom, which she will not get. Thankfully she's got King Jeff

I care but not as much as the others:

Melissa, Lottie

IDGAF:

Everyone else

That wraps it up for season 3. Fingers crossed it gets renewed so this won't be my final post, but who knows. If you agree with my rankings, congrats. If you disagree, also congrats.

[alltheboysandgirlsiloved]

The more I think about Ben's girlfriend the more shady and off it sounds. This whole thing is rotting my brain so hard that... Welcome to ✨ Ben's character breakdown in Chaos Theory and "Ben's GF" theory✨

Here is what we know about Ben in Chaos Theory that may or may not be crucial:

- he used to be in a college but is currently taking a break

- he keeps all of his necessities in his van

- he is obsessed with conspiracy theories

- he occasionally keeps in touch with the rest of the campers (knew where Darius lived, received at least one parcel from Sammy)

- has a girlfriend from Europe and it's a long distance relationship

- gets paranoid easily (refuses to use the phone because it's trackable, believes that he is followed)

Here are things we don't know for sure but are assumable:

- his obsession with conspiracy theories is at least one year old (Ben talked about it with Brooklyn when he was still in college and it sounded fairly fresh)

- he spends a lot of time traveling in his van (very possible that he has been living there for a while)

- he didn't tell anyone about his girlfriend prior to events in CT

- Brooklyn was most likely (to some degree) infected by Ben's obsession with Dark Jurassic

Other things that I noticed:

- Ben talks about his girlfriend twice and his sentences about her can be roughly divided into two categories: normal speech bubbles and awkward hesitance.

- Ben was the one who told Brooklyn about Dark Jurassic

Theory under the cut:

A lot of things about Ben's behaviour tick me off. Don't get me wrong - everything is still in character but at the same time... It feels slightly off. The girlfriend thing is what set the alarm inside my head but the more I thought about it, the more things just didn't quite click.

As I mentioned earlier, how Ben talks about his girlfriend can be divided into two categories: normal speech bubbles and awkward hesitation. When he says that he has a girlfriend and doesn't behave like Sammy it sounds normal and casual, the same when he mentions his girlfriend to Yaz - I doubt he would lie to Yaz about that. So, I think, in general, that this person (his GF) does exist, or at least Ben believes that she exists and is his girlfriend. However, it would be foolish to ignore the very awkward "she's from... Europe" - it sounds hesitant, it sounds like a lie, or even (what I'm leaning towards nowadays) sounds like a bashful admittance that Ben doesn't know much about her. Keep that in mind for now.

One of the first things we learn about Ben in CT is that he is obsessed with Dark Jurassic and conspiracy theories. While some part of it can certainly be explained by lingering trauma ("the more you know, the safer you are"), I feel like that explanation alone isn't enough. What is even more interesting is that it seems that this obsession is strong enough for him to take a break from college and move to live in a van. Not his mother (who, as far as we know, is very loving) but a van. Almost as if he wanted to reduce contact with other people to the minimum - and we actually have proof for that because he doesn't use a phone. We also have evidence that it is both a fairly new and not-that-new development. From his flashbacks, we know that Brooklyn visited him in college - which, according to my very rough estimations, probably happened around a year ago (assuming that Ben entered college at 18 (he is 20 in CT) and Brooklyn died more than six months ago)), and we also know that this is when Ben mentioned Dark Jurassic to Brooklyn.

I think the bit about Ben mentioning Dark Jurassic to Brooklyn is a very interesting detail because Brooklyn was introduced to us as someone whose presence is very rooted online. And yet it is Ben who tells Brooklyn about Dark Jurassic. Ever since he spoke to Brooklyn about that, his obsession started to expand (surely, Brooklyn's "death" only fueled that), slowly consuming every aspect of his life – he took a break from college, he decided to spend a lot of time on the road, he dedicated a lot of his time to checking conspiracy theories. He became paranoid in a sense (which he used to be prone to as proved in season 1 of Camp Cretaceous) to the point when he considered suspecting Sammy. ben double-checks everything, he tries not to stay too long in one place, he is afraid that he is being tracked (rightfully so), and yet... he is in a long-distance relationship with someone "from... Europe".

This is where my theory enters. I tried to consider every aspect of Ben's personality and also the flow of the story in Chaos Theory - where the plot is thick and full of twists and turns.

I think that it was Ben's girlfriend who nudged him in the direction of Dark Jurassic. Or even – potentially he was the first "victim" of the anti-nublar six agenda. What's the best way to keep track of all the campers? Have an insider. Ben suspected that Sammy was spying, he didn't even consider that he could be the unknowing insider. It could have played out like this: when you're in college you come across many people who know other people etc etc. One way or another Ben got into contact with his current girlfriend (I doubt they have ever met in person but I don't completely rule out this possibility). They got close, when she showed his Dark Jurassic - a website brimming with mysteries - knowing that he would be interested (Ben has trouble establishing what is "normal", he is a little lost - the more lost you are, the more desperate you are to find out "what is real, what is true", reaching even for things like conspiracy theories). The deeper Ben fell into the rabbit hole, the more anxious he was, suspicious of others too – but not of his girlfriend. Why? Because she was the one who showed Dark Jurassic to him. She showed him where he could learn more, so naturally - naturally - she is beyond suspicion, right? Because (I doubt Ben has ever even voiced those thoughts but he didn't have to voice them out, the feel them) if she had something to hide, she wouldn't encourage him to explore the world of "I should be suspicious of everything/nothing is real".

At the same time, Ben is a smart boy - but he started to realize "some things" when he was way too deep. For example, with time he realized how little he actually knew about his girlfriend. By then, he trusted her a lot so now it would be awkward to admit that there are a lot of things he doesn't know like the fact that he's not even sure where is she from. It is also important to note that considering the timeline, they have been in a relationship for a while, and yet only now do the campers learn about her - strange considering that he stays (more or less) in touch with some of them. Perhaps, one way or another, at the beginning his girlfriend suggested him to... not mention her. Just in case. In case Ben's friends wanted to know more and encouraged Ben to start asking questions – questions that could be "uncomfortable" for Ben's girlfriend. No, I think she wanted to know everything about the Nublar Six but remain mysterious in return - at least until the plan (her plan? their plan? who are they?) was in full swing. Notice how Ben doesn't use the phone right now, but I'm pretty sure that it is a new development (I'm talking months news). Why new? Because earlier, it was crucial for his girlfriend to know everything (what are his friends up to, where are they) and to fuel Ben's anxiety and paranoia. Now when the atrociraptors are actively hunting the Nublar Six, when the plan is already in development, Ben isn't as needed as he used to be (that also explains why it was Brooklyn, not Ben who was lethally targetted first – Ben was literally needed alive because he was an active naive insider + because Ben trusted his girlfriend and wasn't suspicious of her presence around the conspiracy, whilst Brooklyn could be suspicious in more dangerous ways).

So yes, right now, this theory seems to more or less tie up most of the loose ends and weird things that surround Ben. To put it briefly – Ben was manipulated - his girlfriend is real but has some sort of ulterior motives.

(and oh wouldn't it be a dramatic plot twist if the person who suspected everyone turned out to be the one who was, ultimately, delivering a lot of information to the "bad guys"?)

if you got this far - congrats tbh hahah

[photasply]

Excerpt from the fic I am currently writing:

Peter Parker Whump with a touch of Parkner fluff sprinkled in (eventually.)

Home, for Peter, has always been about the people.  First, it was his parents. The laughs they shared, the bedtime stories Peter can barely remember. The fleeting memory of him sitting on his father’s shoulders as his mother laughed at their antics. The christmases full of presents and fairy lights and dessert-stuffed stomachs. And then it was May and Ben. The way Ben always called him ‘Champ,’ when he was trying to bond. How May would always try to cook, as he and Ben kept the Thai place on speed-dial for the inevitable take-out dinner. It was the movie nights every Friday, the Sundays at Ben’s church, the ‘hello’s’ from his coworkers at the precinct when May had to work late, and they didn’t have a babysitter. And then Ned joined his little family, with MJ following not too long after. Sarcasm and Sunshine, two perfect personalities to tether Peter back into reality, when everything became too much. And then it was just him and May. Silent days together on the couch when the both of them missed Ben too much to speak. The bills piling up in the corner of the kitchen. The betrayal of Peter and Spider-man, that soon turned into reluctant acceptance and a hell of a lot of pride. And the love that knew no bounds. Ned and MJ tried to understand, but they didn’t understand just how deep Peter had sunk into the arms of grief. And then Tony came with his billion dollar suits, his helicopter parenting, his need to make sure Peter was safe and sound in bed. It was love given through gifts and suit upgrades, through bills being not-so-secretly paid for them, through nights spent at Stark Tower in Tony’s personal lab, making gadget after gadget after gadget. And then it was just Peter and May again, until, only a few months later, it was only Peter. Until he was the last one left. Until he had no people left to call home. Just a place where the coffins lay, six feet underground. And then he moved. Rose Hill Tennessee was quiet, calm, everything he needed it to be. He had a landlady who gave him biscuits in response to missed payments, who gave him life advice like a doting grandmother. Every word out of her mouth sent a pang through his chest. And then there was Harley, who came into the picture so suddenly that it left Peter reeling. This perfect, southern blond boy with a heart of gold and a brain to match Peter’s own. This boy who gave Peter his love, and accepted the little love that Peter could barely bear to give. Who held his hand and told him that everything would get better whenever he was ready. The rest of the Keener’s came next, accepting Peter as one of their own without blinking, including him in family decisions and telling him that Sunday dinners were a requirement, not a choice. All of a sudden, he had people to call home again. He had people who loved him and all the grief etched within his very soul. They had found a place in his heart and waved away the worries he had of losing more people to Fate and her cruelest tendencies. And while his first home was now a place where coffins lay, his second was a place full of love and laughter, just like it used to be. For the first time in months, Peter felt like he was home.

[crowandmousewritingco]

🇹​🇭​🇪​ 🇲​🇺​🇸​🇪​🇺​🇲​ 🇫​🇪​🇮​🇱​🇩​🇹​🇷​🇮​🇵​

Paring: Mr. Ben x trans!reader

Words: 1.8k

Rating: R to P

Author: Mod Crow

Author's Note: This was originally a Kinktober prompt, but I couldn't get it finish it in time. Soooo instead, I present to you what I'm going to try to post all of my unfinished Kinktober fics, and I'm going to call them the "Post Nut November" fics. I'm aware the gif isn't Mr. Ben (let's use our imaginations gurlies) but there aren't many good gifs of that man out there. Besides, we know Mr. Ben wears glasses thanks to one of the sexy fancams that one of those students made.

Summary: What was supposed to be a normal field trip with your daughter’s class turns out to be anything but that. You end up talking to your daughter’s teacher -Mr. Ben- while on the bus ride to the museum. Once at the museum Mr. Ben drags you off to an “Employees Only’ area, and one thing leads to another.

Warnings: Language, sexual content (obviously lol), you do have a daughter in this (Dahlia), pet names (sir and puppy) MDNI 18+

When you had agreed to help your daughter -Dahlia’s- ninth grade history class with their Smithsonian trips, you had been expecting the constant screaming of kids and constantly telling them to stay close and to not touch anything. You even came prepared with your little travel first-aid kit (you could never be too prepared when it comes to kids.) What you didn’t take into account was their teacher. You thought you knew what you were agreeing to, but as the bus made its way to D.C. the two of you had a chance to get to know each other. What you didn’t plan was the thing the two of you were currently doing.

Slapping one hand over your mouth, attempts to muffle the unholy hymns of pleasure that want to leave through your kiss plumped lips. Looking down to Mr. Ben -or Ben as he kept insisting you call him- your eyes instantly finding his, the welcoming warm chocolate eyes replaced with pupils blown wide with want and need. 

Gripping Ben’s hair tighter, you threw your head back as your hips took on a mind of their own. As you stood there, in some side hallway that extended past an ‘Employee Only’ sign, you could feel the coil in the pit of your stomach growing tighter and tighter. Your once rhythmic  grinding soon becomes feverish, the silence you had tried so hard to preserve now filled with the wet sounds of Ben’s handwork and the soft pants as you need the edge.

“F-Fuck…Ben. I-I’m gonna…ahhh…I’m gonna cum. Please don’t stop.” Your voice came out as a pleading whine, and that seemed to spur him on. Without warning you felt the knot in your stomach snap, your legs -or rather leg- held Ben closer to you, as you came, a silent scream had your face in this contorted look of pleasure and surprise. Your grinding slowed as your high raked through your body, till you were nothing more than a shaky mess.

Feeling Ben pull away, you gasp slightly, the cool air of the museum hitting your sensitive cock. Swallowing dryly, you watch as Ben gives your cock one final long slow lick, the action earning him a few breathless whimpers. Standing up right you study him, the way his messy hair laid on top of his head, the way his facial hair comes in patchy and is colored almost as if with salt and pepper, but one of the many things you liked about Ben was his aquiline nose, and the way it was constantly bumping your cock while he was paying attention to your entrance.

With your brain still foggy from the orgasm, you turn to face the wall, hands bracing yourself for what was about to happen. Looking over your shoulder, you put on your best puppy face, “Mr. Ben sir,” You bite your lip, pressing your ass to the noticeable tent in his khakis. This time you were the one rewarded with beautiful sounds. Though they weren’t whimpers. They were the next best thing, groans and growl like sounds. “I need help with something. Do you think you can help me?” As the question fell from your lips you slowly grinded against him. 

Feeling Ben grab your hips harshly caused a gasp to escape your lips, before pressing himself to you harder. Feeling him let go of you with one hand, you go to look to see what he has planned. The sound of a zipper giving it away. It didn’t take long before you felt the head of Ben’s cock rubbing your own before sliding his length to your needy hole.

“I think I can actually help you with that. The real question is,” Feeling his clothed chest press into your back, his hushed tone causing goosebumps to erupt over your skin, “Do you think you can stay quiet? I’d hate for us to get found.” Feeling heat spreads across your face and your brain begins to swim, all you can do is nod. 

“Tsk tsk tsk, you were using your words earlier. What happened to that pretty voice of yours now?” Trying to process the question just presented to you, you push yourself off the wall slightly. Looking over your shoulder, a quizzical look on your face, you saw Ben’s. A smirk, one that spelled trouble for you. Before you had a chance to ask him anything, you felt him bury himself in you in one fluid snap of the hips. The action causes your jaw to go lax as a silent scream is forced out of your body. 

As Ben continued to fuck you up against the wall, he was quick to wrap his warm lithe fingers around your neck. As a sound behinds to bubble from your chest, Ben squeezes just hard enough that it causes you to hiccup in the middle of your exhale. The smirk on Ben’s face growing more playfully, but you could still see his lust blown pupils. Loosening the squeeze just enough to feel the blood come flooding back to your brain, causing your brain to grow foggy and spacey. And unbeknownst to you, that feeling of your head floating and the rhythm and speed of Ben’s hips snapping into you, was enough to topple you over the edge. 

“Oh you look so pretty cumming on my cock like that.” You feel the hand around your neck slide up your face just enough for his fingers to set over your lips. Without even needing to be told, you opened your mouth. Feeling his fingers slip into your mouth, you couldn’t help but run your tongue over Ben’s fingers. “Fuck…I’m gonna cum. Where do you want me to cum puppy?” You could feel Ben losing his rhythm, but the speed never changed once.

“Mouth.” The word being distorted by his fingers. It was obvious that Ben liked your idea based on the way his cock twitched inside of you. Pulling out, you can’t help but let the soft whimper leave you, at the emptiness. Your sorrow was short lived because in what felt like a blink of an eye, you felt Ben turn you to face him and then gently persuade you to your knees with a gentle push.

On your knees you look up to Ben as he strokes himself. Opening your mouth, you allow your tongue to lull out of your mouth; the simple action causing Ben to groan. As you close your eyes you feel Ben grab a handful of your hair before guiding his cock into your mouth. Moaning at the taste of yourself on him you reached and gently cupped his balls, taking him further into your mouth. Bobbing your head you can feel Ben twitch against your tongue, the feeling spurring you to relax your throat and swallow around him. 

“F-Fuck, puppy I-I’m going to-” Ben’s words being cut off by a growl like groan vibrating his entire chest. You felt him grip a handful of your hair and hold you in place while he came -quite literally- down your throat. Squeezing your eyes shut, you focused on remaining relaxed so as to not start gagging around Ben. As Ben pulled out you couldn’t stop the one single gag that escaped. With his cock out of your mouth, you took sharp ragged breaths in. Tucking his cock back into his boxers, he makes quick work of fixing his pants. Squatting in front of you, Ben tucks a few strands of sweat slicked hair from your forehead. “You okay? I-I wasn’t too rough was I? I didn’t hurt you did I?” You could hear the worry lacing Ben’s words. Shaking your head, you reach up and plant a hand on his chest.

“You didn’t hurt me. I would have stopped if you did.” Your voice hoarse from its rough treatment. Your words helped soothe him only a bit. “I’ll be fine. Honest. All I need is some water and maybe a cough drop or two.” You nudged him playfully, earning a soft chuckle from the older man. 

“Okay, I’ll believe you.” Standing up, Ben offered you a hand and you happily took it. Standing up, you felt Ben pull you into his chest almost instantly. The feeling of the tug causing you to gasp softly. “We should do this again, though let me take you to dinner first.” His words finished with a soft chuckle. 

“Mr. Ben, are you asking one of your student’s parents on a date?” You playfully joke. You wiggle from his grasp so that you can redress your lower half.

“I most certainly am.” You can hear the playfully tone in his voice. “So what do you say? Is it a date?” Looking over at him, you can see a faint blush spread across his tanned face. Buttoning your pants, you reach up to his face. Holding his heated face in your hands, staring into his dark chocolate colored eyes through his black framed glasses, you smile softly.

“It’s a date.” Pulling his face to yours you press your lips to his gently. The kiss short lived at the sound of voices growing louder just before the door swung open. 

“What did Margaret need for Koch’s Deep Time exhib-” The woman's voice stopping as soon as she looked at the two of you. “Excuse me, what are you doing back here? This is a restricted area.” The taller of the two women reaching for the microphone clipped to her folded collar. 

“I told you that this wasn’t the way to the bathroom love.” Ben nudges you. For a moment you’re confused, but then it clicks.

“O-Oh! I told you I wasn’t any good at reading these maps babe.” You grab Ben’s hand and gently pull him along. You look at the two women. “Sorry about this, it was my mistake.” Walking past the two of them you push open the doors and step back into the loud main gallery of the museum. The voices substantially louder than they were only moments ago. 

Looking around, you search for your daughter and her class among the swarms of people. When your eyes landed on the assistant teacher and the class, you sighed softly. With Ben’s hand still in yours, you snake the two of you between bodies. Once closer to the group you gave his hand a gentle squeeze before letting go of his hand.

“Dad, where were you? And why is Mr. Ben's face all red? AND why is staring over here at us?” You look down at your daughter before looking over to Mr. Ben who, in fact, is staring at you.

“I ran off to the bathroom and bumped into your teacher while going in.” Hearing the museum’s tour guide speak up you nudge your daughter -Dahlia- as a way to say ‘pay attention’.  Your eyes slipping back to Ben, the words said earlier echoing in your head. “It’s a date”

credit: @inklore

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[grayskies2525]

A Year of Falling | Ben & Arlo | M/M | Chapter 10

Word Count: 3,300

Link to all parts: A Year of Falling

Chapter Ten: September – Sixth Cold of the Year

Ben is used to things going to shit, but he’s not used to it happening quite so quickly.

September started with Ben feeling not necessarily happy — happiness seems to be an elusive state of being he can only hope to occasionally visit — but deeply content in a way he hasn’t been in years. 

After Arlo’s proclamation of love on the 4th of July, the two have grown undeniably closer. Ben now wakes up most mornings next to Arlo — something Ben never imagined being so satisfying. Even more surprising is the pleasure he finds in their quiet mornings together when Arlo’s too consumed by brain fog to participate in any conversation. Ben’s never been a morning person either and has always preferred getting ready in silence before heading off to work. In this regard, Arlo’s silence works in Ben’s favor. What surprises him, though, is how much Arlo’s presence settles his nerves. Sometimes they only have time to spend fifteen minutes together before they head off to work, but seeing Arlo sipping coffee and smiling down at whatever is on his phone, is enough to put a spring in his step. 

Then there’s what it feels like to come home to Arlo. Yes, Ben knows thinking of Arlo’s house as his home is wildly dangerous, but that knowledge doesn’t stop the word from dancing all across his mind while he’s at work. 

Just one more hour and you’ll be home.

C’mon, Ben, you can resist punching this customer in the face. Just get through this shift and you’ll be back home with Arlo.

He never allowed himself to think he’d ever have someone to come home to. Someone whose gentle presence could make him feel so safe and wanted. More than that — he’d never thought he’d ever have the chance to be his full self with someone. With Arlo, there’s not once been any pressure to do something he felt uncomfortable with. His asexuality has, historically, been a tremendous annoyance and often a hindrance to his relationships. Arlo, though, has never acted as if he’s making any kind of significant compromise by being with Ben, seeming more than content with chaste kisses and loads of cuddles. 

So, all in all, things have been fairly great for Ben — way better than he’d ever dared to hope. Until he’d arrived at the coffee shop, and five minutes into his shift, found himself in an argument with his new boss.

The crux of the issue was simple. His boss, Phillip — not Phil, his boss was sure to immediately state in a way that inexplicably made Ben dislike him on the spot — was unwilling to allow Ben to keep his current hours. Ben had calmly explained how his hours have been the same hours he’s worked for years, and that it’s never been an issue before. But Phillip — not Phil — plastered on a fake smile while explaining to Ben that things were going to start to change and that Ben would have to be willing to change with them or move on elsewhere. 

“I respect where you’re coming from, Phillip,” Ben had said. “I do, but I’ve worked here for years and I have another job that I have to accommodate for. Is there a way we can just maybe sit down together and work out a schedule that could work out for both of us?”

Phillip’s smile had fallen and he’d given a quick shake of the head. “I understand that the previous management of this place allowed for… flexible schedules.” Phillip had said the words as though he were speaking of shit on the bottom of his shoe. “But with sales how they are, well, I’m sure you understand changes need to be made.”

Ben had blinked a few times, then started to speak before Phillip brought up a hand to halt his speech. “Benjamin, I —”

“Just Ben.”

Phillip’s eyes narrowed before he resumed his fake smile. “Right. Ben.” His boss spoke the name as though it were another spot of shit on his shoe. “I understand you’ve been allowed certain privileges under previous management. But, as I said, there will be changes. And, I hate to even bring this up,” he’d said with a little laugh and devilish expression that indicated he was actually thrilled for an opportunity to bring it up. “But, as you have undoubtedly noticed, I’ve already let a few employees go. It’s unfortunate, of course, but these things happen and… well, I decided to allow you to stay on despite some things I’ve heard about you and, well… some things I’ve seen. There are certain professional expectations I expect all my employees to uphold and the way you acted with that man the other day… well, I didn’t say anything at the time, but…” Phillip’s voice trailed off as he wrinkled his nose and gave a slight shake of his head.

Ben blinked again before regaining his ability for speech. “I’m sorry, but are you referring to when my boyfriend kissed me? On the cheek? After I’d just clocked out?”

Ben remembered the look Phillip had given him at the time, but he was too preoccupied with the scent and comfort of Arlo so close to him that he’d almost immediately forgotten. But there had been something there…. 

“I suppose, yes, that’s what I’m referring to. When your, uh, your boyfriend,” Phillip spoke as though he’d found a third spot of shit on his shoes. “Was here. I have no problems with what people do in their own homes, but —” The fake smile was back. “I’m sure you understand what I’m getting at.”

Ben had understood, indeed. Growing up in a hick town came with homophobia; it was just a fact. He’d gotten used to it quickly — he had to —  so he’d sat and simply stared at Phillip before plastering on his own smile.

“Right, okay, so I guess you’re saying you’re uncomfortable with… PDA?” Ben had offered, giving the man an easy out.

“Yes! Yes. I knew you’d understand. Now regarding your hours, well, I think you can see that I’m already accommodating certain… well, certain factors I wouldn’t normally tolerate, but I’ve heard good things about your work ethic. So I can see how you could be an asset here. But I’m afraid altering the schedule is non-negotiable.”

Ben had been considering how he could possibly change the hours at his other job when Phillip’s expression shifted and he cleared his throat. “Honestly, Benjamin, while we’re on the subject of changes…. Well, there is a certain professional appearance I do expect all employees to adhere to. I’m sure you understand everyone must be well kept and looking their best,” Phillip began, giving another poor attempt at a smile. “This includes making sure one’s hair is brushed and … orderly.”

Ben had remained silent and still for several seconds before understanding crept in. “I wash and brush my hair everyday. So it seems that what you’re trying to say and seem too cowardly to actually say is that you have an issue with the length of my hair,” Ben had said as he’d twirled the hair in question around his finger. It’d gotten longer over the months with Ben deciding to grow it out, liking the way Arlo would brush through it with his fingers. 

And it had all gone downhill from there. Phillip, apparently disliking Ben’s use of the word “cowardly” dropped his polite facade and immediately let his true self show. He was quick to mention Ben’s tendency to paint his fingernails (something Ben has done only once)— another way Ben disregarded employee policy to look professional and “orderly.” Ben’s composure had broken even further — yes, he’d gotten used to casual homophobia, but there was only so much he could take and Phillip had tested him as far as he could go. 

The two had spent twenty minutes in the office until Ben had heard himself say “Okay, then if that’s how you’re going to run this place, then I have to say that I can no longer be a part of it.”

“Am I to take this as your resignation, Benjamin?” Phillip had said.

Face heating and heart pounding, Ben had still managed to twist his lips into something of a smile. “Yes, Phil, you can take this as my official resignation. Effective immediately,” he’d said, liking the way that phrase sounded, like he was in a movie.

It all felt very noble and important at the time, but now as he sits in his car, contemplating where to go from here, it feels decidedly less so.

* * * 

Three days later, Ben sits at the library trying to lower his voice to the quietest volume possible as he speaks on the phone with Arlo. 

“I think heh hh! Ugh. I think chickpea pasta for dinner sounds ihh’tshoo!” Ben stops to pull a crumpled tissue from his pocket up to his nose. “Excuse me. It sounds great. I’ll be home from work at six. Yeah, everything’s been good. A little busy. Actually, we have a line right now, so I think I’ll leave my break early. I’ll see you later tonight, though, okay? Yes, okay. Bye,” he says, moving the phone into his jeans pocket. 

He gives his nose another small blow before lowering his hand to cram the tissue back into his pocket only to have to bring it back up to his nose as he bends forward to sneeze several more times. 

With the tissue thoroughly destroyed — a gaping hole now visible in the middle of the small white, square — he sighs and shoves it back into his pocket where it will reside alongside the numerous other tissues that have fallen in the line of duty. 

He’s sick.

It’s not enough that he’s lost his job and also turned into a lying asshole— the universe also demanded he pick up some cold germs. Said germs are now celebrating their claim of a new host by throwing a party inside his sinuses. 

He’s been sneezing his head off since he’d woken up that morning. Upon waking, he’d wanted more than anything, to burrow back underneath the covers and give into the fatigue he’d somehow still felt lingering even after nearly ten hours of sleep. Arlo’s sleeping body was next to him, and it would have been so easy to nestle into his warmth. He hadn’t, though, mostly because he couldn’t risk getting Arlo sick, but also, he had to maintain the pretense of going to work. Although it’s a weekday, Arlo’s staying home for a PD day, having enrolled in some kind of online conference that he’s attending from his computer. Arlo being Arlo — meaning someone who regards mornings with extreme levels of animosity — seized the opportunity to sleep in.

Having no choice but to leave the house, Ben sought out the library since it’s practically the only place in public he’s permitted to exist in without spending any money. And money is something he’s about to have a whole lot less of. 

He knows keeping the truth from Arlo about losing his job is a less than wise decision. He knows it’s a lie with more holes in it than a net. He knows as soon as Arlo begins to ask even the most basic of questions — how was work today? Was it busy? What crazy kind of stuff did Kenna say to the customers today? — he’ll miserably falter. 

He knows all this. 

And yet, here he is hiding away like a coward — too cowardly to even stay at his own place, since somehow that feels even worse. 

There’s something wrong with him. Something is wrong with him in a way that goes so deep down, he’s not sure even a seasoned psychologist could identify it.

It’ll be fine, though. It’ll be fine because all he has to do is get another job, then he won’t even need to admit he lost this one. Then…. Well, then he’ll have to explain to Arlo why he’s suddenly going to an entirely different place of employment. And then Arlo will ask why Ben lied to him….

Ben lets his head fall into his hands.

Nearby a little girl tears a book away from, presumably, her brother. The brother screams with a ferocity that could rival that of the murder victims in the movies he and Felix watch. Ben scrunches his eyes shut and rubs the center of his forehead, trying and failing to not focus on the piercing pain the scream sent through it.

What the fuck is he actually doing? He can’t possibly stay here all day. What is his plan? What is he doing?

“Heh ih’tshoo!”

Sneezing, apparently.

He should tell Arlo. He should definitely tell Arlo. He’s Arlo. He’s gentle and soft and — 

— too good for you — 

Ben blinks hard at the intrusive thought. 

Arlo is understanding.  One time Arlo’s sister was supposed to pick him up from the airport, but was four hours late because she’d “overslept.” Arlo had just sat at a nearby McDonald’s playing on his phone until she finally picked him up. When Ben shared some thoughts he had about the situation, Arlo shrugged and said “She’s tired. She has kids. It happens.” 

He’s the same guy who spent an extra hour every day — unpaid hours— for weeks tutoring one of his students after school because the kid wouldn’t graduate if he failed Arlo’s class. 

He wouldn’t care if Ben told him he’d quit. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t care… but he’d know. He’d know one more shitty fact about Ben. It’s bad enough that he already knows that Ben has to work two part-time jobs to be able to even just barely make it — for him to also know that Ben can’t even keep both jobs? That’s not the Ben he wants Arlo to know. 

Arlo deserves to know the Ben who can cheer up Arlo when he's near tears because he finds a dead spider in the shower and even though it’s just a spider, it’s “still a creature that was only trying to survive — just like us.”

And the Ben who remembers to tiptoe around the house on weekend mornings so Arlo can sleep in as long as he needs to.

The Ben who makes breakfast for Arlo and notices when it’s the kind of day when he needs his “giant spoons.”

The parts of Ben that can — almost —  make up for the other parts. 

When Ben had first opened up about his depression, it’d been because he’d had no choice in the matter. Arlo had been away one week for some kind of professional development event. Once Arlo left, it was as though all the walls he’d put up finally had a chance to come down and he could finally just be himself. Which meant in between his shifts, he’d just lie listlessly in his dark living room — not a single light on in the house —  on his sofa staring at the ceiling, contemplating how bad it would be to skip a shower for just one more day. This is how Arlo found him the day he’d come back early. Well, not exactly because Ben had to get up from the couch to answer the door for Arlo. But when Arlo had seen Ben… Ben knew he made a mistake — knew he should have at least turned on a light, or thrown out some of what appeared to be dozens of half-eaten cartons of instant noodles that scattered the living room like the physical embodiment of apathy.

Felix once made Ben read a romance novel about magical elves, fairies, witches, and some other shit that honestly made no sense — plus an inordinate amount of smut that left Ben’s little asexual heart reeling. The whole experience had Ben questioning Felix’s taste in “literature.” But something he does remember from that book is the elf having a witch cast some sort of glamour spell over him so that when he went in public, no one would see what he actually looked like unless he chose to drop the glamour. 

When Ben answered the door that day — that’s what it felt like. Like he’d unintentionally dropped his glamour and Arlo had finally seen him. Ben had forced the corners of his mouth upward in an approximation of a smile, but it was too late because Arlo had already seen. Arlo’s face, which initially had shown his excitement at surprising Ben, became etched with lines of worry. Arlo had checked his forehead for, presumably, a fever. He’d asked if Ben had been drinking enough water, if he’d been getting enough sleep, if he’d been eating enough because something was “off” about Ben. That he didn’t look well, that he didn’t “look like Ben.”

But what Arlo hadn’t understood is that Ben had looked like himself. He’d finally looked like his real, authentic self and shame had washed over him at making such a mistake. 

Ben had then proceeded to spend the next ten minutes trapped in a conversation full of euphemisms like “been feeling a little down lately,” and vague attempts at redirection — “Oh you know how it goes. Sometimes it’s just that kind of day. I’m fine, honestly. How are you?”

But Arlo hadn’t fallen for it. Ben doesn’t know exactly what it was Arlo had seen — had he been  pale? Had there been dark circles under his eyes? Fuck, he wouldn’t be surprised if Arlo had smelled him. But the way Arlo had stared… It was as though the words “I’ve spent the last several days trying to remember what the point of living is” were engraved across his forehead.

So, Arlo had said it. He’d said the word that everyone knows you shouldn’t say because if you say it, it makes it real — makes it become this alive thing that demands attention.

“Ben, have you ever seen anyone about your depression?” 

Depression.

He’d just had to go and say it. 

And the worst part was that, clearly, Ben hadn’t been doing as well as he’d thought he’d been at keeping up his glamour. He’d somehow dropped it before without even noticing. And that realization— well that sent up every defensive wall he had within him.

“I’m fine,” were the words that immediately toppled out of Ben’s mouth.

But Arlo had just stared at him before reaching out to brush a strand of hair — a strand of greasy hair— away from Ben’s forehead.

And just continued to fucking stare.

So Ben had admitted that, yeah, sometimes he has days where he’s depressed. He’d mentially applauded at himself for resisting the shudder wanting to overtake him at saying the word. 

Arlo had been very Arlo, and had smiled and said all the right things, but none of it helped because none of it changed anything. Ben couldn’t just be depressed. It wasn’t something a person could just let happen. So, he’d smiled and put the glamour back up, and this time, successfully, changed the subject.

Since then, Ben has only hinted at this part of himself. He can joke about it, but only in a distant, unmeaningful way. He knows he can’t even let Arlo see him like that again.

Just like he can’t let Arlo see him now.

He smothers a chesty cough into the crook of his elbow that leaves tears streaming down his face when he’s finally finished. He takes a much needed breath that instead of offering him relief, spurs on a particularly violent sneeze.

“IIHHHTShHHuuuuh!”

 He looks up and sees several patrons staring at him, wearing expressions with mixtures of polite concern and abject disgust. 

Okay, maybe nobody should see him now.

Part 11

[pernicious-pastas]

*cracks knuckles*

Creeps Headcanons !!

these are a little rushed but here’s some basic headcanons

Masky:

-Masky himself, is just a proxy. He's not Tim, He's not anybody, just alive to serve Slenderman and fulfill “menial” tasks in Slender’s eyes, which of course is actually the emotionless calculated butchering of citizens. He realistically has no discernable looks, age, or even a standing in humanity. But he aligns with whatever body he's in at the moment. While he's Tim- Masky is in his mid-late 20s, strong and incredibly skilled in combat. Muscular arms and broad shoulders with dark brooding eyes.

-While Masky is only here to research, prepare/confirm directions, as well as fulfill most of the missions- He can still have his own personality and tendencies !!

-Short-tempted, blunt, and none of the southern hospitality his vessel’s accent would incline you to believe, Masky can be described as “difficult” by many, many people. Most people actually.

-Around people who he actually does like he’s still a bit of a prick, but you can see there’s more that meets the eye. He’s funny and lighthearted, and willing to lend a helping hand no matter what situation he’ll end up putting himself through.

-smokes Marlboro Red Shorts. Haha.

Hoodie:

-Like Masky, He aligns with his current vessel. Early-mid 20s and incredibly buff, He's the tallest proxy standing at 6’2. Think college gym-bro whose body got snatched and taken to be inhabited by an unhinged sad man. Oh wait-

-Hoodie is quite standoffish and cold to people he doesn’t know, but his friends would describe him as a good soul trapped under a hard exterior and expectations. His hearty laugh is the most contagious of the creeps- if you’re lucky enough to get one out of him.

-Selective mutism whilst on missions/around certain people *caugh* slender *cough* as well as most of the creeps.

-He hangs out with Ben and E. Jack while not on missions. Though he does consider himself a loner and lives in a small cabin near the mansion he built himself a few 30 or so years ago, in a close proximity he also built four other cabins, which he (semi-reluctantly) allows Masky, Toby, and E. Jack use, the other is empty. Throughout his life he’s build countless cabins and camp-outs, which he takes advantage of regularly while out on missions.

Toby:

-Toby is in his mid-20s, with brown locks unkemptly framing his face. He's lean and tall, strong and intelligent, definitely the brains of the proxies. Toby has a few facial piercings from Ben using him as a practice dummy- though he loves the looks (Slender wants to rip them out)

-Because he's the only ‘human’ proxy, Toby’s given fewer missions and hours because of his lower mental and physical stamina, No super strength for Toby :(

-Slender allows him to work a part-time job as a result of that. Hoodie and Masky do the brunt of the work but Toby brings in their dough to survive- so they don’t really mind- they are sort of spiteful though.

-Toby works somewhere in food service… I'll get back to you on that

Ben:

- Ben is a 5’5 male who behaves and appears to be in his early 20s, due to him being in the “ghost” class of creeps, he ‘ages’ incredibly slowly. With a blond shaggy outgrown mullet, he's rocking your classic cool guy stoner look. average Weezer and Nirvana enjoyer (Kurt Cobain dupe ?? 😱). Multiple facial and body piercing/mods. Perks of ghost nerves and pain receptors- He technically has none!

-Being in the mansion for almost 20-30 years now, he's one of the go-to guys when you have questions or just want a buddy around. He's friendly with everyone even if just surface level, which means he's always down to stir the pot when he gets bored.

-Resident stoner and video game enthusiast. Have a few hours to kill and Slender to disappoint? Come hang in Ben's room!

-Part time sales associate in a slow-paced electronic parts & games store. Loves to look busy at the counter doing nothing for hours but is somehow employee of the month?? Favorite part of the job is organizing shelves perfectly and then moving around merchandise to do it all over again. Always late to work even though he comes in through an old tv in the back? what traffic??

-girl flirting with him: *points to the legend of zelda poster behind him* hey, has anyone told you you look like link?

-him, visibly sweating: i don’t know who that is.

Eyeless Jack:

-Jack is normally an ordinary, 6’5 man with dark brown curls that fall over his ears, he has a large muscular frame and shark-like teeth with distinct canines. He has dark grey skin, with long black claws, and of course, empty eye sockets with black tar sporadically leaking from them. So very ordinary!

-When hungry, Jacks's fingernails and teeth start to painfully grow, his eyes become pin-pointed and tunnel-visioned. The only sense he can make out is smell. Ripping into the first thing/person he can find and feeling bad later.

-Jack tries his hardest to stay well-fed. And with friends in high places, it's not a difficult task.

-He's a huge homebody. He doesn't like seeing people or going out, but he does like hanging out with the other creeps. He most enjoys the company of Hoodie or Ben, but doesn't mind the others. he comes off as aloof to the people he doesn't really make an effort to interact with.

-(I'm gonna write a Jack fic soon so just know he's possessive and a lover boy. details soon)

[coweye]

Commitment Issues - Part 9

Pairing: Benjamin Miller x Reader Words: 5.0K Summary: When you try and take your friends with benefits relationship to the next level, Benny’s response isn’t quite what you were expecting.

Warnings: Finally there's warnings again! Slight Angst, NSFW - respect the 18+ pls, cuteness.

So, this fic has always been close to my heart. 

I wrote this two years ago about a guy I was seeing but wanted more from. (Full disclosure, he’s no Benny Miller and luckily I didn’t have his baby.) It was a way of daydreaming the way my life could’ve gone. I never could’ve imagined you guys would embrace it the way you have and it honestly warms my heart so much that there are people out here waiting for an update. I’m so sorry to have kept you waiting.

A few months ago (the not-Benny) actually asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Spoiler alert - he’s really not boyfriend material. So, much as I suspected, it didn't work out, because men aren’t written by women in real life. I’m not surprised or sad, I’m happy I know for sure but it  feels like I’ve come full circle and I think it's time I give our girl the ending I didn’t get. 

I love you all so much and words can describe how much I appreciate your support.

➢fic masterpost

PREVIOUS PART

Life in the past 48 hours had been… surreal. 

You had confessed your feelings for your baby daddy and then found out that he reciprocated those feelings all before doing the equivalent of pushing a grape out of your nostril.

A baby.

A gorgeous baby girl. 

Gorgeous didn’t quite cover it, yet finding a word that described the transcendent beauty of the soul you’d brought forth into this world escaped you, as did a name for the said beauty. 

For the time being the angel made human was currently known as TBD or more affectionately Tee. The two of you had been trying out names but a new baby and totally requited feelings didn't automatically cancel out a life-time of bickering. 

Your problem was there wasn’t a name you’d heard that actually sounded like her and Ben, god love him, had a habit of picking names from a nursing homes register; Ethel, Millicent, Edith - I could go on.

He liked old fashioned names, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, though it didn’t lend itself to easy compromise. 

So, Tee, she remained with test names thrown in sporadically with hopes that a winner would stick, ideally before her 18th Birthday.  

Whilst the name vetoing annoyed the hell out of you there wasn’t any real friction. The name discussion never became heated, if a name was vetoed you moved on to the next accepting the decision of the other person. 

It was a healthy co-parenting dream. 

Despite the pending conversation that loomed over you both, things weren’t awkward - quite simply because you didn’t have the time for it to be!

Mia (Nah) didn’t leave you much time for it. 

Whilst she was a dream for sleeping, the time afforded to you both was spent sleeping or preparing the house for her awakening. She was beautiful, but exhausting - a lot like her father.

So it only made sense that when you got your first minute of peace,  after a long nap, now in your own bed and fresh pajamas; that the innermost workings of your heart would come to the surface. 

To the backing track of Modern Family, you planned and plotted your conversation word for word. Time allowed for dramatic pauses and longing gazes were of course included. When you began planning his lines you realized enough was enough and rose from your bed. 

Sure, after looking in the mirror, you’d had better days for your self confidence - ones where you weren’t rocking an adult nappy. But beggars couldn't be choosers and if you let it run in circles anymore you were afraid your brain would just combust.

There was a huge part of you that was excited after all this was years in the making, but then that small, human part of you was screaming at you to temper your expectations. 

How often does someone get everything they want? When did your life become a fairy tale? 

You didn’t think Benny would flat out turn you down, but what if he couldn’t live up to what had been in your head. 

For the first time, in a long time, you decided to ignore your brain - self preservation be damned. 

With a turn on your heel in a matching silk pajama set and a goddamn adult nappy you proudly began your descent down the stairs. 

Nothing could’ve prepared you for when you rounded the corner. 

There on the sofa he lay, utterly shirtless. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen him like this, in fact you’d actively avoided his fights after you had ‘broken up’ for this very reason because one look at those rippling shoulders would’ve tanked any remaining resolve or feminism left in your body. 

It would also be remiss to add that your daughter lay on his chest for what you assume was skin-to-skin time. Somehow, it both melted your heart and stoked a fire within you - having a child was strange. Since when was being a good Father a kink for you? 

“Pssst.” You whispered under your breath, trying to get his attention without waking the bean. It took another two tries before he finally looked up confused and then fixed you with that beaming smile.

“Well… good mornin’, Mama.” His voice was deep from lack of use and he looked utterly exhausted yet his smile was as big as ever.

You couldn’t help your own grin at his words as you pressed your attack and kneeled at his side. For a moment your hand stroked at the valley of her spine, before your palm came to rest on his bare shoulder.

How the hell could two people so clueless make something so absolutely perfect?

After a moment or two spent lost in pure adoration you lifted your gaze to Ben. His eyes hadn’t left your face since he became aware of your presence. 

You couldn’t help it.

Now was the time for words not for actions that had made this hole you were currently buried in, and yet …

You let yourself get lost in those eyes and pressed your lips against his. 

It was soft. 

Softer than anything the two of you had ever known. 

Neither one of you pushed for more, you simply indulged in the closeness that had been hard won to come so easily. The hand not cradling your daughter to his chest, rose to hug your cheek as you parted. 

“Where did that come from?”

“I’ve been meaning to do it since the hospital, but the nap helped me put my ducks in a row, I guess.”

Benny rose into a sitting position, slowly, mindful of the sleeping infant on his chest. 

He laid her in the moses basket at the foot of the sofa and pressed the white noise machine. Mozart began playing softly, lulling her into a deeper sleep.

Finally, Benny turned back to you, his eyes serious. “I wasn’t sure if you regretted saying what you did… if it was the heat of the moment… y’know the fear.”

You contemplated for a single moment.

“I meant every word.”

The problem with you and Benn had always been that you both approached your relationship with one foot out the door, whoever cared the least won. It was the way you both protected yourself.

It was only now you were realizing the commitment issues had gone both ways, for a time at least. It was easier if you played with no skin in the game, there was nothing to lose. But now, you had everything to lose and you didn’t want to waste a single moment playing the stupid games you’d wasted so many years of your life devoted to.

“Every word?”

“Every. Single. One. Especially the ones about your lame singing.” You couldn’t help your grin that snuck out as you teased him. 

“Lame? I’m sorry it's that gruff, sexy singing that made your ass crush on me.”

“God. I wish I could take it all back, but I do Benny, I fucking adore you.”

All through your back and forth he’d been advancing. It was as if your words prompted him to pounce. His hands were planted on your cheeks, as he gave you a part of himself in an all consuming kiss. 

It was like he was trying to explain all his feelings, all the hurt and frustration and affection he’d felt in one kiss.

As his tongue brushed yours and his hands trailed the sides of your body to pull you against him, your hands found his shoulders as you attempted to pull him closer, as if that was even possible. 

The two of you had been at war for so long, so afraid to give eachother any part of yourself. The air was thick with emotion, your hormones were all over the place as tears began to leak from your eyes. 

Relief, joy, lo- you couldn’t name the emotion entirely but it was some combination. With your kisses you promised to start anew, to fix what was broken and forget all the hurt you had caused one another.  

You were going to do your best for her, for your Joy.

Unable to stop yourself, you grabbed at the waistband of his sweats, finding the warm skin of his toned stomach. That seemed to bring him back to reality as he grabbed your hands and placed his forehead against yours, breathing heavily through his nose in what you assumed was an attempt to gather his self control. 

“Angel, you’re gonna start something you can’t finish, by my reckon… for at least 6 weeks.” 

“Let me take care of you.” You breathed, dropping your kisses lower to his neck. 

 “No, baby. We’re doing this right. I’m not gonna cum in your mouth and then leave you to carry on with your day aching in both ways - at least not till you can return the favor in mine.” He kissed your forehead chastely, as if he hadn’t just promised to eat you out the second your pussy was healed. 

“Benny.” You whined.

“I don’t care Y/N. We’re doing this right, I’ve fucked this up too many times.”

“I guess 6 weeks isn’t too long… right?”

WRONG.

Four Weeks Later

The two of you had come in leaps and bounds in your communication and you were striving towards a healthy relationship.

Hell, the two of you had been on about five PG-13 dates. Sure, it was slowly killing you, the lack of physical contact below the belt, but the two of you were getting to know each other as a romantic partner instead of a best friend that occasionally rides him in his truck.

It was good, going back over the steps the two of you had missed. Your injured vagina was allowing you to take it slow, something you and Benny sorely needed the second time round.

Though, it was still Benny. So he constantly teetered on the edge of gentlemanly courtship as he caressed the meat of your thigh as the two of you sat closely in a booth; and you loved it. 

All in all, it was kinda perfect.

So it was fitting that your perfect life shattered around you on a random Saturday morning.

“Sure Jaz, I’ll meet you at 11…. Okay, see you soon.” You heard from the man currently cradling your daughter in his arms as he gave her a bottle.

God, you wished you had more faith in your shiny new relationship, that you didn’t immediately jump to anger. 

Alas, rage was an old ally and you leapt into his eagerly awaiting arms. 

Every single doubt and unfair suspicion raised to your tongue as he turned to face you. He fixed you with an easy smile, clearly none-the wiser about the eye of the storm he was currently wandering into.

“Ben... I’ve gotta’ ask. It's been weighing on me for months… but who the fuck is Jaz?”

He blanched, his eyes looking down to your daughter as if she at 4 weeks old was capable of critical thinking. It clearly wasn’t what he was expecting when it left your mouth. He looked… somewhere between embarrassed and guilty.

It was then your eye caught the bottles that hadn’t been rinsed. They were abandoned on the marble, left to sour. That all but sealed his fate.

Sure, if you weren’t actively plotting his and his secret girlfriend's demise, you may not have overreacted. But in that solitary, ugly moment, that basic lack of regard he held for you and your relationship was encapsulated by his inability to complete the singular god forsaken chore that was his. 

The guy didn’t have a chance to respond before you were at the sink filling the washing up bowl with foamy water. The aroma of sour milk as you unscrewed the bottle lids only served to stoke your fires as you all but threw the stinking bottles in the water, splashing yourself with suds as you did.

“Do I have to do everything?!” 

“Y/N…”

“Sometimes, Ben…” 

“What the fuck - can we just rewind or can you explain what exactly it is you think i’ve done?!” He is incredulous as he places your daughter in her soothing swing chair, his arms now raising in surrender. 

“You need me to explain?” You huff, stoney in disbelief at his gall. 

“For god sake Y/N… leave them, I’m gonna get to them after this one.”

“Yeah, well. I’ve learnt not to believe you when you say things and do the complete opposite…”

“Do the complete opposite?” You heard clear as day the anger building in his voice. “If you wanna say something, then fucking say it!”

“FINE! I’ll say it! “ You slammed the last bottle in the bowl and turned round, wiping your hands on a tea towel as you fixed your gaze on him. “I thought you were happy taking it slow, I thought you wanted to be with me. But no, Jaz. AGAIN..”

He let out a light laugh, one that held no humor. “Christ sakes, Y/N - Jaz is a client! - I’m a fuckin’ personal trainer!”

“SHE’S- Oh-”

“Yeah - Oh.” His arms were crossed across his chest and his eyes had hardened.

“I - I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“To go from a soldier, to a fighter, to a glorified crossfit instructor …  just a little humiliating, Y/N.” His voice was flat and dejected as he spoke. 

At that moment, you were utterly ashamed.

“Ben… I am so -”

“Yeah. You’re sorry. But that's the thing, no matter how much I apologize or tell you how I feel about you, it's never enough. Y/N why are we even bothering when you clearly still don’t trust me.”

“Ben, I-”

“No, Y/N. It's not fair. I’ve been a good Dad and to be completely honest I’ve been a pretty stellar boyfriend, and yet all I get from you is fuckin’ accusations!” 

You hadn’t seen Benny this angry outside of the of the ring in a long fucking time. Yet you weren’t afraid of him as he came to stand before you, you knew Ben.  

“I can’t do this. Not if you’re gonna hold on to every doubt you have about me and whip them out every time I do something to piss you off, I’m not perfect Y/N.”

“I’m trying… Ben it’s not-”

“No. Listen, I told you. I told you how hard this was for me.” He stood before you, his shoulders sagged in defeat as his eyes shone with unshed tears. “I fucking poured my heart out to you, baby. I only want you and if you can’t trust that, then this isn’t going to work out and we need to stop and just be parents, because I’m not gonna live my life like this - instantly guilty for whatever shit your head dreams up for me.” 

He picked up his cap from the dining room table and bent down to place a kiss on your sleeping daughter's forehead before he swiped his hair back from his face and placed the cap on top.  Your fingers were aching from the grip you had on the counter.

“Well, I'm going to have some adulterous sex with my side piece Jasmine. Then I might swing by Flanagan’s on my way home for a threesome with an old flame. Who knows might make it a goddamn foursome!” Benny strolled out, he didn’t slam a single door. Always conscientious of the baby.

Goddamn you felt like shit.

It was hard to admit that you were wrong. 

All joking aside, you weren’t used to it. You never went into battle half cocked, which meant all arguments were mentally vetted before you championed a cause. But no matter how you sliced it, this time you were unequivocally wrong.

You had come at him with such anger. God, you should’ve just calmly asked him who Jasmine was. Why did you automatically assume the worst?

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda - Didn’t do any good now.

Simply put, you had been a dick, to a man who had been nothing short of amazing to you. 

It was as you stood frozen leaning against the counter top that you began to realize you’d never fully forgiven Ben for what happened a year ago. The toll that had taken on your self worth and your confidence.

It wasn’t his fault, not really. You had promised yourself when starting this back up you’d forgive everything from the past, but you supposed that was hard when he’d never really apologized. 

That was petty, you reasoned.  

You knew he was sorry. 

The two of you had jumped straight back into dating, deciding to try and have the perfect romance without the deep connection which came from talking through the nitty gritty. All because the truth of the matter was; feelings made you both uncomfortable.

So you avoided talking about them at all costs, hell you'd been in active labour before you'd been able to bare your soul to him.

So, how could you be so surprised when it bubbled up in these ugly ways?

Deciding to resolve these difficult thoughts with Benny when or if he returned, eased the ache within yourself a tiny bit.   

Placing the baby monitor beside your sleeping daughter you decided to prepare yourself for that conversation. 

You made it through one life affirming shower and half of your skincare routine before her wails demanded your presence. 

“Mommy’s coming baby.” You spoke through the monitor using it as a walkie talkie. It was hard not to flash back to your service days as you used it. You were half way down the stairs reminiscing on the good ole days when you weren’t a complete asshole, when you heard a male voice whispering to Tee on the monitor. 

It was instinctual; you didn’t even think, you just moved, taking the stairs two at a time, stopping only to grab a weapon or, as it is more commonly known as, a broom.  

“GET AWAY FROM HER ASSHOLE.” You wielded the broom like a hockey stick ready to swing on the assailant. As you rounded the corner and were stupefied to find Benny there with your daughter, his eyes wide as you entered the room ready to assault him.

“Y/N?!”

“BENNY. OH MY CHRIST. I thought - “ In a single moment you instantly drop the broom and grab your baby from his arms, planting kisses all over her face and head. 

“Oh my god, you scared mommy, Tee. Yes you did. My heart, oh fucking christ. I didn’t expect you back.”

“What can I say - I didn't fancy the orgy today.”

“Daddy’s very funny, Sienna.”

“Sienna… Sienna Miller?” Benny narrows his eyes over the top of his Starbucks takeout cup.  

“Veto.” You both say in unison despite your argument. 

Tee whined in your arms, amping up for a wail.

“She didn’t finish her bottle before she fell asleep earlier.” Ben pointed out to the half empty bottle waiting to be washed up. Your stomach dropped at the mere sight of the cause of your hissy fit earlier.

“Are you hungry, beautiful girl?” You crooned to your baby after a pause. Adjusting the robe you had thrown on after your shower. “I’ll feed her and then we can talk?”

He nodded, his face giving nothing away. It was strange to be stonewalled by Ben. Usually every thought that crossed his mind was mirrored on his face. 

Taking a seat in the love chair you’d set up in the lounge for this exact purpose you exposed your breast. You had been doing a half breast half formula feeding pattern so that Ben could pitch in.

She latched on quickly, but never as quickly as she did the bottle. A tiny part of you was disappointed, as you’d always had images of breastfeeding your child. But with a low milk supply you’d had little option but to supplement with bottles, but beyond the bonding aspect you had no qualms with the bottle.

Tee was slowly falling asleep as she drank and after about five minutes she was gone to the world. 

Feeling guilty all while, you held her to your chest after rearranging your robe. You should be speaking to Benny about your regrettable words earlier and yet you couldn’t force your legs to move. Telling someone you had been a complete dick wasn’t a fun thing to do.

So it made sense after about ten minutes of hiding that Benny appeared with the moses basket in toe for your sleeping angel. 

You nodded thankfully and silently you handed her off to him, making sure that your entire chest was covered. 

He placed her in the far corner of the room, far enough away that your voices - if they were kept below a shout - wouldn’t wake her.

He took a seat to your right, there was about a meter between you. It was all so stiff, like a business meeting as you each waited for the other to speak. 

“So.” He muttered avoiding eye contact.

“I’ll start. I’m sorry Ben. You didn’t deserve that.” His eyes rose to meet yours. “I want this to work. I meant it, I want to leave it all behind and I thought I could - just forget everything, I mean. But I can’t. I think, well, I think we need to talk about it.”

“Y/N-”

“No, Ben, please. I’ve thought about this for like twenty minutes in the shower.” You left your seat to sit beside him. “I know you don’t like… feelings. I don’t either, it's awkward. But, I need to get through this to get over it, y’know?” 

“I think I do.” He nodded.  You took his hand in yours. 

“I’m not making excuses, I’m sorry I lost my shit this morning. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. When I heard her name, I was right back there. Pregnant and alone and just completely unsure about everything; infatuated with a guy who I didn’t think felt the same. It was terrifying … And I’ve never told you that. It messed with my head everything that happened last year.”

“Right back where?... When you heard her name?”

“At the baby shower.”

“Oh Y/N, you should've asked!”

“Why? We weren’t together.”

“I started as a PT about a month after Christmas. After I found out and the hospital - It's a hell of a lot safer and the pay’s more steady. I’m still training with Will but the fights are gonna’ be … fewer. I wanna be around.” His hand clutched in yours tightened his thumb on your fingers forcing you to look up.

“You’re such a good Dad. I’m so sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t” Your hand rose to his face. 

“I am so sorry. I haven’t said it have I? But I am. That night you told me you wanted more and I shut you down, I broke your heart. I don’t want anyone else, only you. I need you to hear me.”

“I do Ben, I do.”

“No, Y/N. I want you to be my wife, I want you to have more of my babies. You’re the only one for me, I think of you when I wake up, before I go to sleep - there hasn’t been a day in the past ten years I haven’t thought about you. I will never hurt you like that again, I fucking promise you.”

Tears sprung to your eyes as your heart began to heal, it felt so full as you sat beside him basking in his words.

“I fucking dig you Benny.” You grabbed his cheeks pulling him into a kiss. It started off lighter before it began to deepen. 

Teasingly you flicked your tongue against his gaining access, biting his lip you pulled yourself onto his lap to get a better angle on your exploration of his mouth. Through his jeans you felt him begin to swell as he pressed against the linen of your robe. 

It had only been three weeks, but you were desperate for him to be inside you. Compromise was the name of the game.  

He pulled away from your mouth, which you were fine with, you knew the words about to leave his lips. Which is why you decided to be persuasive as you trailed kisses down his neck. 

“Baby, no, you’ve only just had a baby, c’mon.”

Smothering kisses against his warm skin, he smelled deliciously of the Calvin Klein aftershave he always spritzed on before leaving the house. You moved your hips against his, which prompted him to grab them. His large hands splayed across your ass, holding you still as he attempted to maintain some semblance of self control.

“You can’t go inside, but we can still have fun.” You whispered into his neck. “Besides, you’re the injured party, I have an apology to make.”

“Well…” He moaned as you playfully bit at his warm flesh “You were mean as hell, baby.”

With Benjamin's help you shrugged the linen dressing gown from your shoulders. Instantly you were completely exposed before him.  His eyes zeroed in on your swollen breasts, sure he’d seen them in passing but never so freely exposed and at eye level. 

Hands gentle as always rose to cup them. Those gorgeous fingers skirted around your nipples making your hips rut down against his hardened member. 

“Sensitive.” You explained before he placed kisses on them. He kissed along the underside of your breast before lathering his tongue around your nipples. His gaze lowered and his palms skirted along your sides before they landed on your ass. 

You couldn’t help your self consciousness, the last time this man had seen you naked you’d been a size Y/S. Now you had some fresh stretch marks and a stomach still swollen from your child. 

However, all your self consciousness went out the window the second he squeezed at the meat there and pulled you down against his jeans, his hips thrusted up in time, almost unintentionally. 

The fabric was causing some delicious friction against your clit, yet you wanted more. 

“Is this okay, you’re not in pain?” He asked resting his forehead against yours.

You kissed his lips as you held onto his jaw.

“No. I want more.”

“You can’t have more, your sweet pussy needs more time before I ruin it.” He smirked before claiming your mouth with his tongue, putting all his filthy promises behind it.

“No, but you can.” You leaned backwards and began to undo his zipper. His hands came up to stop you before he remembered your words from earlier. 

Finally, you set him free. He was bigger than you remembered, straining up against Ben’s belly. You couldn't resist as you rubbed your bare heat against him. You were sopping as his cock came away wet. 

Benny groaned, one hand squeezing the meat of your ass and the other staying firmly on your hip, just in case you tried something. You grabbed his chin, joining your mouths in a deep kiss, once more you dropped your hips, your clit bumping against the head of his cock in the most delicious way before you slid along his shaft. 

Once again he groaned, this time into your mouth which you greedily swallowed up. Playfully you bit at his lip, touching your tongue once more to his just to give him a preview of how talented it could be.  

He began to help you as he pushed his jeans further down his thighs frantically as you moved off of his lap and fell onto your knees between his legs. 

Your mouth watered as you stared at his pulsing cock, now covered in your own wetness.  You couldn’t help a smirk as his head dropped back on the couch as he tried to give you space to work. 

Slowly, playfully almost, you stroked his length and you couldn't help a small smirk as his hips thrusted into your palm.  Right where you wanted him, he was fighting a losing battle of control.

With no warning you leaned down and swiped your quick tongue along the head of his cock. If the groans had added to the flood below the belt, the broken call of your name had you practically gushing. 

Leaning forward to get a better vantage, you sneakily pressed your heel into your clit. It alleviated some of the pressure but nowhere near enough. 

All at once you took his length into your mouth, his cry was absolutely gorgeous as he grabbed at his own thigh. 

Your tongue lathered the veins that hid on the underside of his cock. It was wet and messy and he was quickly falling apart in your mouth. 

He was fighting the urge to fuck your mouth as he gripped at his thighs in solidarity, you wanted him to bruise the back of your throat with his thrusts.

You reached up and grabbed his hand, currently grabbing at his thigh and placed it into your hair. It was an open invitation, to let himself go. To stop being so polite and sorry, to go back to fucking you the way he used to.

It was an invited he RSVP’ed immediately.  His hands immediately began guiding your face up and down his cock, pushing your face down so that the head of his dick nudged the back of your throat. 

Your gag constricted around his cock which made his head roll back in pleasure.  His hand loosened its hold on your hair, almost asking permission. 

With a roll off your eyes you dropped your head harder than he had, his cock was practically in your esophagus, but it showed him you could take it. 

“Yes, baby. Fuck - you suck cock so good.”   

Unable to help it you grinded against your heel, desperate for the sweet relief of his touch, but unable to receive it.

You noticed the pressure building as his stomach began taut as he continued fucking your face. 

Taking back control, your hands found his balls and rolled them between your fingers caused him to groan as that pressure increased.

“Fuck baby, I’m gonna-” His cry was all you needed as you as you took his entire length in your mouth. You fought the urge to gag as you reminded yourself to breathe through your nose. His come spurted hotly down your throat as you swallowed every damn drop of it. 

@sixshooter665 @queenie-b- @rambling-in-purple @anaaaispunk

 @miraclesabound @kravitzwhorehore @ahsokathearcher @xoxabs88xox @heresathreebee @psychadelichues @marauderskeeper @tanzthompsonn @mermaidxatxheart

[ninja-muse]

Another month, another missed review. Sorry about that! None of the books I read spoke to me enough for a review, even if they were good and I recommend them, and it was a stressful month for me personally. I just didn’t have the brain space for more than I was already doing.

Although, as you can see, I did have the energy to buy more books. I know I said I wasn't going to acquire any this month, but almost as soon as I posted last month’s update, the biggest used bookshop in town put half their store on sale and then a few days later, another shop announced they would be hosting Seanan McGuire. Obviously I had to book a ticket and then browse their shelves on the day. What else would you have me do?

(And then yes, I did get a reader copy of The Tomb of Dragons and yes, I did rescue a travel guide from the returns pile at work. In related news, I might be in central Europe this fall, not that I’ve done more than peruse guides so far. Again, stressful month, bandwidth, etc. Am willing to take tips from and/or meet up with interested mutuals. 😉)

As for my reading month… it was fine? The Gilda Stories was my favourite, though like I said, it didn’t hit the way I really wanted it to. Lovely and gentle, though, and it’s good for me to read outside the narrative traditions I’m used to. Spooky Lakes was just what I wanted, and would be perfect for nerdy kids if you know any. And I did my first audiobook in years, because that was the only way to read The Masquerades of Spring. That was an absolute blast of a book and now I see what everyone means about the audiobook narrator. It’s tempting to do an audio reread of the whole series, but I don’t know if I will.

On the other end of the spectrum, and on the subject of unfamiliar narrative traditions, I bounced off Parasol Against the Axe. Like, I get what Oyeyemi was doing (I think) but it was a little too surreal and all over the place for my personal taste. I was really looking forward to Did You Hear About Kitty Karr?, but it ended up being rather tell-y and very much felt like a debut. I might revisit the author in a book or two and see if she’s gotten any better, though. And The Shadow of the Wind was good and I see why people love it, but I’ve read books that do similar things better and possibly read it too close to Umberto Eco to boot.

Also, I’m currently reading The Bookman by Lavie Tidhar, and have been for the last couple weeks. It’s not that it isn’t good, it’s just that it isn’t great, but I do want to see where Tidhar goes because he always goes somewhere strange. But that’s probably going to be on pause for most of this week because the stressful parts of March haven’t quite ended yet and I’m not going to get much reading time at home.

Next up: Upon a Starlit Tide by Kell Woods, because the library wants that back soonest; that other Prague travel guide in the photo, for similar reasons; and then The Tomb of Dragons because I’ve read two mysteries in the last two weeks and need to feed myself some different plots before picking up that one. (The upcoming Natalie Jenner might be in that mix too, we’ll see.)

Anyway, that’s all the updates from my end. And now, here’s what I read this month in order of personal enjoyment…

The Gilda Stories - Jewelle Gomez

A girl escaping slavery finds refuge in a bawdy house run by the elegant Gilda, and immortality in Gilda’s shared vampirism. This allows her to give witness to 200 years of history.

7.5/10

Black protagonist, Black secondary characters, Lakota secondary character, minor Latine character, 🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (lesbian), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary and minor characters (sapphic, achillean, transfem), 🏳️‍🌈 author, Black author

warning: attempted sexual assault, attempted hate crime, anti-Black racism

library ebook

Spooky Lakes - Geo Rutherford

A sumptuously illustrated microtour of strange and scary lakes around the world.

8/10

library book

The Masquerades of Spring - Ben Aaronovitch

Augustus Berrycloth-Young is doing bally well in 1920s New York when one Thomas Nightingale turns up and ropes him into an investigation.

7.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 protagonist (gay), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (achillean), Black secondary characters

warning: homophobia, mentions of racism

library audiobook

Glass Houses - Madeline Ashby

A celebrating start-up team crashes on a tropical island. Things are tense even before they get inside the strange black house. (And then there’s everything that came before.)

7.5/10

Korean, South Asian, and Mi’kmaq secondary characters, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (sapphic), 🇨🇦

warning: misogyny, aftermath of plane crash, blood, past child exploitation, past death of parents, fire

reading copy

Installment Immortality - Seanan McGuire

Mary Dunlavy is free of the crossroads but indebted to the anima mundi, who wants her to stop a Covenant strike team from attacking America’s ghosts.

7/10

🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (pan, lesbian, ace), Brazilian secondary characters, Japanese-American incidental character, 🏳️‍🌈 author

warning: gore, blood

bought/off my TBR

I Shall Never Fall in Love - Hari Conner

Three young people in a Regency village struggle with life, what the world expects of them, and who it expects them to be. Emma, but it’s queer.

7.5/10

major 🏳️‍🌈 characters (sapphic, transmasc), Afro-British secondary character, Indo-British secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 author

library book

The Late Mrs. Willoughby - Claudia Gray

Jonathan Darcy and Juliet Tilney are separately visiting friends in Devonshire when a newly married woman dies at a party they’re attending. Luckily for them, they’ve solved a murder before.

7/10

major autistic character

warning: ableism and related bullying, misogyny, murder

library ebook

The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruíz Zafon

In post-war Barcelona, a boy discovers a favourite author. As he grows up, he comes to learn that someone is bent on destroying the author’s books—and that truth and fiction can blur.

7.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay)

warning: period-typical misogyny, homophobic hate crime, child abuse

library book

Haunting and Homicide - Ava Burke

When a rival ghost tour guide is murdered, Lou finds herself a suspect—and in a quest to clear her name. Fortunately, she can ask ghosts for witness statements.

6.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 secondary character (gay)

warning: homophobia, bullying

library book

Parasol Against the Axe - Helen Oyeyemi

Hero travels to Prague for a hen do (and to escape The Letter). Prague is a strange and tricksy city and can’t help inserting themself in the story—and the story within the story?

6/10

Malagasy-Irish main character, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (sapphic), Nigerian-British author

reading copy

Did You Hear About Kitty Karr? - Crystal Paul Smith

A Hollywood icon dies and leaves her fortune to a Black family—but why? An examination of race, privilege, and family in America, then and now.

5/10

largely Black cast, Black author

warning: period-typical racism and misogyny, sexual assault, traumatic abortion

library ebook

Picture Book

Who Ate Steve? - Susannah Lloyd

Marcel is a bird. He is big. Steve is a worm. Steve is … missing? MARCEL!

Umami - Jacob Grant

Penguin Umami is tired of eating cold fish, so she goes on a global food tour.

Book Comes Home - Rob Sanders

Book has been read by lots of people but one day, Book is taken to the Closet of Banned Books!

No Cat Like Tac - Alliah L. Agostini

A girl adopts a cat. It doesn’t matter if the cat has scales, or wings, or breaths fire. She’s still a great cat.

Currently reading

The Bookman - Lavie Tidhar

In a steampunk London ruled by reptilians, the novice poet Orphan seeks the terrorist Bookman after his fiancée is killed by a book-bomb.

protagonist of colour, Indian secondary character

off my TBR

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle

Victorian detective stories

disabled POV character (limb injury), occasional Indian secondary characters

warning: racism, colonialism

Monthly total: 11+4 Yearly total: 29 Queer books: 3 Authors of colour: 3 Books by women: 8 Authors outside the binary: 1 Canadian authors: 1 Classics: 1 Off the TBR shelves: 1 Books hauled: 5 ARCs acquired: 2 ARCs unhauled: 1 DNFs: 0

January February