#believe or not i am a very nice person
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You know. If I see another god damn mother fucking post about how "Discovery isn't Canon" imma going to start some fights.
#fuck around and find out#cause yall are dumbasses if you think thats true#like lower decks while canon is also a joke#its a jokable show#i have watched a bit of it like most of you watching discovery but thats a 'haha look funny joke' show#Badgey is a thing but Discovery isn't canon??#Really? A show that has a movie coming come out based off a major character from the show?#Oh and the spin-off show that is set after season 5 called 'Star Trek Starfleet Academy' where characters from discovery will be in.#i can respect that Discovery isn't your cup of tea#but the people that are saying this is clearly brain-dead homophobic transphopic maybe even racists#or they are from reddit cause thats what i just said#you guys on reddit are so bad#star trek#star trek discovery#believe or not i am a very nice person#but i got to call out stupidity here
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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bro fuck it im workposting. i did illustrations, i storyboarded, i directed. I did many cool things in 2024 and millions of people all over the world saw em. that has to count for something
#brawl stars#marcia#i dont workpost because i am deeply aware nobody here is here for brawl stars but on god i#i work and i create and its real#and there is a part of me thats ashamed because i know that brawls is not. like its not league of legends you know?#league of legends is something you post about#about the skin you helped create or sculpted#or the splash art you painted#its has that... value that is obvious even in the eyes of a person who has never played league#its a very mature visual language that historically calls for respect#meanwhile presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher#even mentioning an illust i created for a skin announcement for brawl stars feels so#so dollar store#so laughable#like noone would take me seriously#it feels like when you say you're an artist and then a person asks to see your art#and you show them and they get that soft soft look in their eyes that informs you that they had an image of who an “artist” is in their hea#and that you did not live up to it but all they'll say is 'oh thats nice'#bro help me im doing art elitism to myself#how can i simultaneously believe that art can be anything and yet only neoclassical realism has real value#i want to be creatively free yet all i do is fear the unimpressed looks of strangers
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you're really annoying but in, like, a refreshing way?
I'm sincerely flattered, anon. I worked very hard to become really annoying. 💞✌️
#To be a little serious but I have worked hard on being annoying on the internet! It makes enjoying my blog a lot easier.#Secret is — to paraphrase what an editor of mine said to me — to have a bit of a provocateur sensibility‚ a confidence in your perspective‚#the restraint to not cater or bend to people who are seeking your validation‚ the poise to not get actually upset about online arguments‚#the focus to not be negative for sole sake of haterism and avoid stewing in bitterness‚ the judgment to know when it's better to shitpost‚#and a slight touch of narcissism enough to believe your opinion is SO important and you're SO right and need to be THE person to say this.#I am in fact very annoying and I'm a touch vain and proud of it. I genuinely worked very hard to become annoying. Taking up space is hard.#A lot of people over the years think that I genuinely get very upset or angry when people don't like me and I simply don't.#I have cultivated a very specific vibe online and in many irl contexts in which I am a very implacable and annoying dumbass woman.#And I'm very proud of it. It's nice to have a reputation for being someone who sticks by her dumbass perspective.#Even if it tends to attract a lot of adversarial energy from people who want my validation real bad or have something to prove.#At any rate. I recommend to everyone letting go of your fear that people find you annoying and say whatever opinions you have about stuff.#I assume this is re: fandom things and to that I say: like genuinely it's just fandom. The stakes are so low.#Don't seek validation from other people. Let yourself annoy other people.#Legit it's a be yourself and have fun thing.
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kinda wish this one guy was gay
#he's my least politically correct friend but he has a good heart#like today one of our classmates said he's improved a lot since becoming friends with me and is so much nicer now#bc his old friendgroup was fucking nasty bro they still are idk#it's all 'jokes' until it's not apparently they were pretty racist to him#and obv i'm not racist so being around i and a few other different nicer people has done wonders for him#and like he initiated friendship with me straight away like he wanted to do better and can do better and has been doing better#he still has a few off jokes but i just don't humour them#and it's all just from a place of insecurity that so many teenage boys have#and he really does have a good heart i think he can continue to grow and improve#and we are just friends and becoming closer friends but like. dayum sometimes i am struck by his beautiful face#embarrassing but it's fine to have a little crush on all of your friends i think#and we played basketball today (i mostly watched) and he's so good at it like bro idk#i hope he doesn't move schools like he might (he lives really far away) bc i wanna see where this goes#friendship wise. bc i believe in him he can become a very nice person he has great potential#i can fix him guys (he has made choices to better himself and really i have little impact but i think i am helping and i'm glad)#and yeah he's just HOT my gawd#and i like breaking bad and he started watching breaking bad !!#oscar.exe
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who needs encouraging fathers when you can get fortune cookies that tell you you're doing a good job and that it'll all be okay
#nvm. the second fortune told me to suck it up and work harder. this is exactly like having a father.#this post is very deeply joking and unserious as I tend to be btw lmao.#shitpost hours#idk if I ever mentioned this before but my stepfather literally has a gridded map of our yard for the annual easter egg hunt.#he maps out where he put all of them (over 100 eggs. 25 for each sibling). [big yard. backs up into the woods.]#I think he had it on excel one year.#I only escaped doing the egg hunt a few years ago. I am in my twenties.#you guys know that scene from Psych where shawn's like 'dad you literally dug an egg 2 feet underground one year#and still expected me to find it' and the dad was like 'ok well i left loose dirt to indicate a dig'? yeah. it's that lmfao.#I love him but GOD. not easy being the only type b person in the family lmfao.#like. that's FUN for them. for me it feels like boot camp but they're all having a great time I guess#they're all very 'give 110% all day every day' type people and i'm like. idk. i think 36% sounds nice. doesn't 36% sound nice?#anyways. I truly believe that oversharing online is okay if it's kinda funny. also this is not new information lmao.#like. oh noooo the internet knows that i'm a bisexual with daddy issues. there's only like 5 billion of those on tumblr 😭#that's like 1/4th of the entire userbase so i think it's okay to disclose lmfao.#I am NOT unique in any way shape or form ✌️#anyways. back to finals work but tomorrow i'll catch up on dms/etc lol
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men are so disappointing in so many ways i know i shouldn't expect most of them to be dignified humans but it's crazy. i need to get over this guy he's making my sense of self crumble even faster than it usually does. like he's just so unlike my usual type and i'm pretty convinced he's stupid and slutty and not discerning whatsoever. not to mention boring like i know even if i did have a chance with him he wouldn't Get Me at all so it's a bigger waste of time that usual and i'm actually pretty tired of men in general and definitely tired of parasocial relationships because they drive me insane for months typically. thankfully it's only been like 2 weeks if that at this point. idk. sigh. i know literally virtually nothing abt him as a person and ofc liking any public figure who you know nothing about is only setting yourself for heartbreak and disappointment to begin with bc you already know nothing is gonna come from it but. in a way it's almost addictive to become obsessed with someone and not be looked at with the same level of scrutiny. i don't think anyone in real life would ever try to get to know me as much as i try to get to know people who i'll never even meet. lmao! but that's the thing... idk... i have a lot of love in my heart and it consumes me and i reject my pride usually when i'm into someone. i want to know more... like VORACIOUSLY consuming anything with information about them involved simply because i think knowing someone is a very deep form of love but of course you can never truly know anyone. not completely. and that scares me i think which is why it's always probably been easier for me to never really TRY to be with anyone or have anything real. idk. this turned into me psychoanalyzing myself real quick but SOMEONE needs to bc i need to understand what the fuck is wrong w me.
#like i'm not gonna lie and say i do this every time i'm even vaguely interested in someone. most of the time i'm just like 'ooo hottie'#and then save a bunch of pics before either the shame gets to me or i just stop caring and move on. happens quite a bit more than my#obsessive episodes. the worst one was absolutely the fact that i was obsessed with jeremy for basically 3 years and spent two hating him#simply because i thought i was owed anything. honestly i think i was just very very insanely depressed. that's probably why those#obsessive periods even happen to begin with because i have felt so so horrible like soul ripped out horrible the past few weeks lmao#and i think i'm just a grasp for any light in the dark type person like it doesn't even necessarily mean anything the person is just someon#i attach significance to them when i do this shit but i know deep down that i'm owed nothing and that i truly expect nothing#it's just nice to have a distraction from my life. and dgmw that doesn't make me any less schizo about certain details and happenings#like i'll still think that 'oh they're only doing that because i'm into them' or 'they only went here because it was related to something i#was thinking about earlier' and whatever else. i know what i am. i don't claim to be anything else. and i know it puts people off.#and that i'm not likely to get any better if i keep doing it. if it's even possible for me to get better. but idk. it's interesting bc i've#thought more about what my life means to me and the kind of person i am and how my brain works and how everything affects me#more in the past few weeks than i seem to have in the last 5 years. i think i'm really getting better at accepting hard truths.#time spent by yourself is still time spent with the world.... and the more i think... even if it's hurtful... i'm growing and changing all#the time. i don't think if this was 4 years ago i would've even acknowledged the fact that i can't write off on This Guy's zionism#and other things about him that give me the ick (hate that phrase but whtevr) like him playing that gay hogwarts game and being a nepo baby#like bro you have trans friends and supposedly always 'look out for the small guy'. he's also never dated a fat girl despite his mom being#kind of a trailblazer for fat women in the entertainment industry. there's always rumors of him dating literally ever costar he's ever#worked with i guess simply because he seems like that kind of guy. and to be fair he does LMAO#honestly i don't know if i believe he's a bad person but i won't sign off on a guy i like being boring and stupid. that's just me#i'm sure ppl reading this who also don't Get Me are wondering why any of this even matters and the point is that it kind of doesn't lmao#but it's my life and i typically choose to care about people who will never even know i exist. unpopular girl instinct i suppose. maybe i'm#destined to be unloved or something but for now i wear fantasies like a blanket. maybe one day i won't need them anymore. but i def#do not need to center my romantic ideals on a guy i would be embarrassed to tell people i'm dating if i were actually dating him. rough#now just give me a month to get over it and finish the 2nd season of a show i like that he's in and i'll be rid of it hopefully. we'll see
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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?
What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.
#my characters#this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL#they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve#deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird#like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire#but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body#like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo#he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever#on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things#and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic#he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity#and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him#this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today#i received gift art of these two and i may never recover#its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him#its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer#its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire#so hes like oh well thats odd hmm#and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things#and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item#or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares#he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness#and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures#like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed#he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified#and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool
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for pride month I am haviiiiing. an itty bitty gender crisis
#ari speaks#it's like. am I a woman?? what the fuck even IS a woman??#bc if “woman” is “person who will bear and birth children” I'm already failing on that front due to medical reasons#yippee for pcos. ig#and then it's like. well then what IS a woman#and is that definition even useful??#like do I believe in the catholic gender essentialism I was raised with??#no. no I do not#but like if there's no Inherent Magic Difference between men / women / etc / then like what the fuck does it mean to be a woman#like am I or am I not or is this even a useful thing to conceptualize???#idk I just feel Disconnected from the Concept of womanhood#like I am a Gal and a Girlie but in the sense that Drizzt Do'Urden is my wife#in that it's not about the Gender it's about like. the Vibes#all I know is the pronouns are she/her#and like. maybe that's all I need to know#maybe that's enough#idk it's just. a Word would be nice. so I know I'm not crazy#maybe quoigender is the word?? for now??#idk it's like. my little queer self who forged her identity in the midst of The Ace Discourse back in 2017 is terrified of being accused of#claiming labels and spaces that “aren't meant for her” or whatever#and it's like. am I Not Cis enough to be here????#like she/her and “woman” is. good enough I guess#I can get by with it#but like.#idk#realizing that I kinda feel disconnected from the whole Gender thing in the same way I feel disconnected from sexuality and romance#and it's like. as a writer. I very rarely actually know what my characters' Genders are#all I know are the pronouns#and like????#[gestures vaguely]
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2024 reads / storygraph
At The Feet Of The Sun
book 2 in a slow paced high fantasy duology*
the right hand of the emperor (who is off searching for an heir) struggles with what to do after passing on his responsibilities and also discovering various pieces of information that are mindblowing to him, personally,
after adventure is thrust upon him, he travels to find His Radiancy and they go on some otherworldly adventures while growing closer and figuring out the nature of their friendship
(*there’s extra novellas & i think another book coming? duology adjacent, currently,)
#At The Feet Of The Sun#lays of the heart-fire#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#giggling and kicking my feet. and also crying#bro the yearning….the yearning#I can definitely see why this loses people - it’s so long and very self indulgent#(listen. i enjoy it a lot . but does it need to be THAT long (i just checked. 375k? lord))#but it is easy to read and also very funny. it felt less repetitive than the first book to me#I did find it hard to keep track of some of the side characters though#The first world-travelling stuff caught me off guard initially - I feel like all the weird magic was more background in book 1?#or maybe I just didn't pay attention.#taking a step back it is a bit like - kip sure does achieve everything and then some and just continues to achieve everything huh#and it gets to a point where it's like.....okay yes I get he's so talented at this etc etc.#but I guess it’s a nice change of pace from the kingly swordfighting fantasy protagonist who’s perfect and wins everything -#someone whose skill is people and negotiation in a humble way is a bit more interesting. still. it maybe felt less grounded after a while?#the deep exploration of platonic yearning and desire for strong friendship and fear over that person just wanting romance/sex#when that’s Not what you want out of the relationship………#not to mention his complex feelings over meeting two people who were like his platonic soulmate rolemodels#and then finding out they just used that term because gay relationships weren’t accepted and trying to not be disappointed#(because gay is also good!) but also like. so lonely in feeling like nobody understands his desire for a platonic soulmate#to be treated equally as romantic relationships are. oof#I am a little baffled to see people interpret it as a romantic asexual relationship?#I feel like that does such a disservice to the . everything that has been set up in what 600k words of books#like the implication of that is that you think other romantic rships w/o sex are unheard of in this world. I find that hard to believe idk#(I mean - a bit romantic on fitzroy’s end; and in the nebulous queerplatonic area between friendship and romance; sure#but like a straight up romantic relationship just without sex - I don’t understand how it could be interpreted that way lol?)#(anyway other people’s interpretations don’t matter)#I do have questions about the telepathic dinosaur soulmates. you can’t just mention that and now show me them#also. kip being like 'wait there were sirens? i wonder if i can hire them' kshfkjsgkf#asexual books
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shoutout to my fellow mixed folks who have gotten the most unfortunate set of phenotypic traits. my dad has black/very very very dark brown hair and i managed to get an in-between of his and my moms mousy blonde so it’s just the worst shade of mousy dark brown. and then eyes with no fucking melanin in them so forget seeing well on a bright day.
only fortunate thing i got was the ability to tan and really good bone structure
#misc: personal text#^the nice bone structure in question. also my eyes are relatively hooded which i used to hate but now appreciate#this photo was taken in the dead of winter iirc so i am Very Pale but believe me it does happen if im in the sun all summer lol.#but this last year ive been inside a lot so i didnt get to tan this summer#also side note i miss my hair. next time i get true urge to cut it someone tel me that thats the devil talking#my hair is dyed here btw. the natural shade is like a dark dull brown like i said
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🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉
Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤
I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖��
Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links
#I was gonna type out more but I decided I didn't want to be too sappy and emotional on main#so much has happened in these past 10 years#I can't believe I made it this far I really did not think I was going to have a future#but I did and I do#I have the most wonderful partner who I connect with in a way I never thought was possible#I am capable of being loved I am capable of loving in return#I learned how to love myself and be unapologetically myself for myself#I lost a lot of people and some very much for the better#I've become so so much happier my god I never thought I'd ever know what this felt like#I'm still angry and numb and having to battle depression but I've grown I've finally become someone worth being proud of#I'm no longer letting that anger and grief and everything that comes with it take over#I can't believe I've actually become gentler and kinder#I can't believe I've actually made genuine friends with people who are nice and caring and supportive#and are actually happy to see me and not trying to take advantage of me at every opportunity I'm finally seen as a person#I can't believe I'm finally in a safe environment I don't have to be terrified anymore I'm not going to be hurt anymore#I can't believe how far I've come creatively bc of how much bf has supported my every passion wholeheartedly#he is the reason I have a drawing tablet he is the one who encourages me and cheers on everything I do#god I still don't know how I could ever in my life thank you enough for every goddamn wonderful thing you do for me#you have changed everything for the better none of this would have ever happened if it wasn't for you#it's always been you#I fucking love you#more than anything in this universe and the next#forever and always#my art#glad I listened to my first tag lmao
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something so awesome about being someone who genuinely wants to do awful things and feels no guilt about it is your existence is fantastic for your friends who worry a lot about morality. your friend is like "Am i evil for this... What if deep down I really WANT to hurt people—" and i just am sitting there with my unjustified murder attempt like "no i don't think you do" and it works every time
#ranbara! ranbara!#like. despite the whole. violence i have to control and shit i am actually a very externally nice person. so lest they want to believe me#an evil person. they can't believe themself one.#actually aspd
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i never REALLY cared one way or the other wether or not ed was illiterate but by the time they revealed he could read i was honestly a bit annoyed by it, for no other reason than that i had gotten really fucking sick of people saying it was racist or classist to assume that ed couldn’t read because they were conflating illiteracy with stupidity and saying it was an insult to ed’s intelligence which was always so frustrating to me. ed can be very smart and still be illiterate. maybe he wasn’t able to teach himself because he was too busy trying to survive or because he had trouble reading for some reason and he didn’t have the money to access the education for it as a kid. there are adults who can’t read or write in the world and that doesn’t make them stupid and it was never racist or classist to assume that ed might not be able to read or write. at first i didn’t care but the fandom’s attitude towards illiteracy made me hope that ed was illiterate just so people would stop treating illiteracy as a sign of ed being stupid or people being bigoted in their interpretation *because* it was being seen as a sign of ed being stupid. so that when it was revealed ed could read, just because of the fandom’s attitude, i was like “well that’s annoying”. cause now nobody is going to talk about how dumb the attitude towards illiteracy was in the fandom.
#not saying ed needed to be babied and taught to read by stede or anything#but though that narrative has weird vibes and i’m not a big fan#needing help learning to read or being an illiterate adult in circumstances like ed’s#truly not the insult or infantilism towards ed that people think it is#and i wish they’d at least been given the chance to figure that out before ofmd confirmed that ed can read#without giving us any reason for why he signed the document with an x or where he learnt#which wasn’t necessary. fully ready to believe ed can read#it just would have been nice to have a character who was neurodivergent and quite clever and also illiterate#without that being an insult to his intelligence#ed could very well have been very smart and only semi literate#and i just think that would have been cool#obviously i PERSONALLY am literate#but the way people were talking as if illiteracy as a character trait is insulting or infantilising or bigoted#was really pissing me off#and if ed had been confirmed to be only semi literate for example#firstly more people would be applying critical thinking to their watching of ofmd#and secondly more people would be realising that literacy isn’t an automatic hallmark of intelligence
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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it's really hard to come to terms with but i think i just have to accept that i can't do the good work right now. and the people who are, are doing it for people like me
#i've had three incredibly traumatic things happen to me in the past 3-ish months and when i walk by the mirror i look like a dead person#i don't know how to stay sane with my own personal shit on top of the political hellscape#it's so bad. literally all of the energy i have i put towards maintaining myself or trying to get better#it's frustrating. i knew what real happiness felt like for a brief moment after escaping my abuser and then it was snatched away#i only got to enjoy jul-oct as being able to see the light in life for the first time since childhood#but i work at it because i know what it feels like now and i want it back#surgeries and therapies and medicines and trying every day to do something to enrich my life. making my living space nice#having new experiences. talking to friends and family. making art#all of the energy i have i must put towards those things. i am trying very hard#and i don't know. the Everything going on in the US is just hurting me. i can't deal with it. i don't know what to do#i have a creeping feeling that i should actually start looking into fleeing the country#but when i think of the monumental effort involved in that i feel like i'm about to crumble#everyone who is fighting. thank you because i can't#i try not to let the guilt-trippy stuff get to me but the subconscious can only hear something so many times before it believes it#what awful timing to not have anything to spare#also learned recently i'm very iron deficient but without anemia. who knows for how long i've been this way#kind of explains a lot though. just no one tested my ferritin levels until now
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