#ed could very well have been very smart and only semi literate

[electric-friend]

i never REALLY cared one way or the other wether or not ed was illiterate but by the time they revealed he could read i was honestly a bit annoyed by it, for no other reason than that i had gotten really fucking sick of people saying it was racist or classist to assume that ed couldn’t read because they were conflating illiteracy with stupidity and saying it was an insult to ed’s intelligence which was always so frustrating to me. ed can be very smart and still be illiterate. maybe he wasn’t able to teach himself because he was too busy trying to survive or because he had trouble reading for some reason and he didn’t have the money to access the education for it as a kid. there are adults who can’t read or write in the world and that doesn’t make them stupid and it was never racist or classist to assume that ed might not be able to read or write. at first i didn’t care but the fandom’s attitude towards illiteracy made me hope that ed was illiterate just so people would stop treating illiteracy as a sign of ed being stupid or people being bigoted in their interpretation *because* it was being seen as a sign of ed being stupid. so that when it was revealed ed could read, just because of the fandom’s attitude, i was like “well that’s annoying”. cause now nobody is going to talk about how dumb the attitude towards illiteracy was in the fandom.

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny 

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee

[theheartofpenelope]

SIMPLE THINGS - Chapter two

Chapter two - a flashback to their first encounter. Enjoy gentleman!Tom or tipsy!Tom. Feedback always (and very much) appreciated. ;-)

Tag list: @winterisakiller, @devikafernando, @scorpionchild81, @messy-insomniac-bookgirl, @smutsausage, @hiddlesbitch1 @noplacelikehome77 @wolfsmom1 @meh1217 @dina-bln @lilaeye39 @tinchentitri @fairlightswiftly @nonsensicalobsessions

Author’s Notes/Warnings: Not beta’d.

Also on AO3 through this link

Bonus: click here for the pinterest moodboard (always updated)

Chapter 2

Flashback to eleven days ago

It had been eleven days ago, when they had enjoyed an incredibly pleasant evening together. It was quite silly really, an unexpected turn of events. You know, in the way life suddenly decides to sneak up on you and turn order into chaos. Just for the sake of it. So yes, ‘unforeseen’ would be the word for it. But the term ‘fun’ comes to mind as well or entertaining, liberating and carefree.

It all started when Tom attended ComiCon with some fellow actors. And that is where he had first run into her. Or better yet, the other way around. She was called in to settle a particular edgy paparazzi-situation Tom and his colleagues had involuntarily found themselves in.

 She didn’t really stand out between the crew. She stood at an average height of 5’7 and was dressed smart in a simple, yet elegant, tailored sleeveless navy jumpsuit with a pair of open toe shoes to match. Her chestnut locks were pulled up in a messy bun.  

She had handled the predicament with grace and a smile that instantly made you overlook the mean streak lingering in her stern repartee. She had dismantled the proverbial bomb with ease and humour that had left Tom enchanted. So much so that he found himself walking up to her when he’d laid eyes upon her again. He felt the need to express his gratitude, which she had waved off straightway, stating she was ‘only doing her job’.

And so their respective lonely paths had crossed for the first time that summer.

After a sincere smile and the expression of appreciation on his part came the introduction to their real selves, a joke was told, an anecdote shared and ultimately a farewell exchanged. As you do.

She was easy on the eyes he would have to admit as we walked away after that first encounter. She was a very straightforward professional but next he had come to discover she possessed a captivating persona. As unyielding as she had handled the trespassing ‘journalist’, so warm and bright was her smile when she thanked Tom for his simple act of kindness towards her.

Consequently, when he found out later on that she was desperate for tickets to the Globe Theatre, he had taken it upon himself to set his publicist on the task at hand. Because he somehow found it was the least he could do. He was “British that way”, he had joked to her when he informed her on his gift to her..

He was only scheduled for 2 separate appearances at ComiCon on two consecutive days. But on the rare occasion they had been in each other’s vicinity at ComiCon, they’d always exchanged a - short but - pleasant word. Right up until the last night….

 The World Cup Soccer Tournament was coming to a close and the entire country was in a cheerful state due to their country’s unexpected winning streak. That particular night was they were playing the Semi-Final against England. Tom and some of his soccer-minded colleagues did not hesitate to accept the generous invitation to watch said Semi-Final on a big screen one of the ComiCon organisers had set up in his backyard.

The promise of watching the Semi-Final in privacy with drinks, BBQ, home prepared salads and dessert was a prospect Tom absolutely did not want to turn down. After living out of his bag for so long, this kind of homely invitation was virtually a no-brainer. Also, England was playing the Fifa Semi Finals! As a proud Brit you do not refuse an offer like this, even if you are quite possibly entering the lion’s den.

It had been a pleasant surprise that she was attending the evening as well. She was all dressed down in summery attire, her auburn locks now pulled up in a high ponytail to defy the summer heat and the country’s tricolour haphazardly applied on her cheek by an enthusiastic friend. She was all smiles and relaxed. Her name was Charlotte.

Finally; a name to put by her attractive appearance.

  The nervous happy atmosphere surrounding the World Cup had rubbed off on all spectators and promptly switched into outright excitement when the referee whistled the end of the match. Charlotte, self-acclaimed ‘not-the-greatest-soccer-fan’, had literally dropped whatever she’d been doing during those finals minutes of the match and cheered out heart and soul with the rest of the locals at their country’s victory. It was quite the sight. Tom, though disappointed at heart at his country’s loss, could only grin at Charlotte’s enthusiastic outburst when their eyes briefly met.

Yes, England had lost the game – agonisingly so - but the spectacle of so much joy quickly made Tom and his friends partake in the erupting celebrations nonetheless. The entire city seemed to burst into much anticipated, yet unexpected, festivities. Alcohol flowed freely, the music was cranked up and amateur fireworks were lit. On the big screen images flashed by of impromptu parties that made it to the streets where people bonded, laughed and danced. And kissed.

My god, did they kiss…

In that stupendous garden at the riverside, a party had started on its own. And true to form, Tom had danced with several women in the course of the evening. He couldn’t help it. He was “British that way”, he’d joked. Yet again. It was no exception that he would dance with Charlotte as well at some point.

It was just silly laughter at first and an improvised dance. She danced quite well. He liked that. She humorously called him out on re-using his silly joke. ‘So much for originality Mr. Hiddleston. Is that how it works? Only eloquent when the lines have been fed to you?’ He quirked an eyebrow and spun her around as a silly retaliation. Again. And again. And again. Only to hear her giggle louder and louder, until she had admitted her defeat and dizzily clung to his chest. He chortled at the sight and his inner tennis geek surfaced; ‘fifteen- love’. (ed. in tennis, love means having a score of zero or nil.)

It was the beginning of the end.

They did not break away from each other after that dance. Tom came to discover Charlotte was a great conversationalist and repeatedly caught himself mistaking her for a native speaker as they delved into a mishmash of subjects, albeit slightly intoxicated at one point. Looking back, he might regret some of his tipsy comments, but he did not regret that kiss…

Maybe it was the atmosphere at the riverside, where the music softly faded to the background and the dark night complemented the magic of fading fireworks. Maybe it was the slightly philosophical twist their conversation had been taking. Or maybe it was just the effect of copious gin-tonic, but he could swear there was this magnetic pull that he found he could not resist.

 With the fireworks officially rounded up, all the guests slowly started making their way from the waterside back to the patio. Once their own gin-tonics were finished Charlotte suggested following the others and leaving the pier she and Tom had been lounging on. Tom, quick on his feet, offered her his hand as Charlotte made an attempt to rise herself up from the wooden platform. With a smile she accepted his gentleman-like offer.

The softest summer wind graciously blew a hint of her perfume into his direction. That wasn’t helping him much either. On the contrary. As she stood before him her soft fragrance of white musk and jasmine was merely the last drop. Her hands rested in his a little while longer while she came to balance on the gently swaying pontoon and pleasantly sighed.

The water was quietly lapping and the soft background music was sometimes drowned out by laughter of friends. It was a beautifully summery and starry night. Her dark brown eyes glistened in the moonlight as she looked back up to Tom to signal she was ready to head back now. She was greeted with his tipsy, lopsided smile. And then, there it was.

With her hands still in his, a gentle tug on his side sufficed to pull her just that little bit closer to him. He moved as if his was on autopilot. Mesmerized by the night and all it had entailed for him so far. He had kissed her softly at first, his lips just brushing against hers, as if he was just testing the waters. His one hand released hers and smoothly travelled to her cheek where it brushed some loose strands away, after her ear. A second kiss followed shortly after and this one was less tender, more vigorous, and more lustful.

 Charlotte had closed her eyes and allowed herself to get swept away in that unexpected moment where Tom’s mouth claimed hers while his hands softly but surely pulled her into a very desirous embrace. It had been a long time someone had conquered her in the way he – perhaps accidently – had done. In her mind this aspect of her life had been closed off, like a finished book, or the empty jar after all the fireflies had fled. But now, somehow, it seemed as though maybe one firefly might have stuck around somewhere.  

Yet, she was the first one to pull back. Her forehead resting against his as their lips left each other. Her fingertips that had carefully caressed his soft beard, slid down to his chest, keeping him both close yet at a safe distance. Wordlessly she slowly came to herself again.

She adored being cradled into his strong arms. He was tall and mesmerising, intelligent but with a dry sense of humour, he was both playful and polite, a flirt and absolutely adorable a few drinks in. And particularly that last aspect worried her the most.

Tom immediately and solemnly apologized to her, explaining he had no hidden agenda, no pretences. It had simply caught him off guard. He was not a one-night kind of man and he swore he didn’t suspect her to be that either. It was just the night, the atmosphere, the alcohol, her… Although he chose to not disclose that last remark.

  Charlotte was well aware that all he said was in fact true. And that’s how, while Tom had wanted to ask her to keep the incidence between them, she had come to beat him to it, claiming her job demanded discretion. Which was truthful. And that perhaps ‘this’ could just remain a little secret? Between them?  

She combined a coy smile with a slightly playful wink when she added she however intended to take that kiss as a compliment, if he didn’t mind that.

Thàt, he most certainly did not.

Their paths had crossed one last time the following day. Charlotte was in the foyer tending to the tasks at hand. When Tom and his entourage crossed her, they exchanged a warm smile and a polite nod. And that had been that. Their paths set to disentangle to never meet again. However, life never really listens to manmade plans now does it?

[indigoire]

It Read-through Chapter Three: “Six Phone Calls”

God. One hundred pages into IT and I only just got done with chapter three. This book can and will kill me. 

Warning for racism, suicide, blood, gore, abuse, assault, misogyny, and Bill Denbrough’s shitty opinions.

Intro Chapters One and Two

Silly me thought, oh, twenty-four chapters, one thousand one hundred and thirty-eight pages, that’s about fifty pages per chapter, I can crank that out no problem. I was reading full novels over the course of a day when I was in school. Easy peasy. 

Real whoppers like this chapter have me doubting myself. I’ll probably have days where I’ll break the chapter in half just so I’m not reading for three straight hours like I was tonight. 

Anyways, on to the chapter itself. It’s really more like six chapters crammed into one, all introducing us to an individual Loser with the exception of Mike. 

Let me sum up my reaction to these intros with my own tweet, having just finished Bev’s introduction:

And like, I’ve seen the movies, I’ve read the fanworks, I know a lot of the lore. I even read past chapter three as a kid, I remember Bill’s intro so clearly now. I feel like I have my own form of amnesia, but the shitty memories I’m uncovering are of reading this book. So believe me when I say I knew going in that the Losers would be an amalgamation of mommy and daddy issues or just plain issues, anti-Semitism, misogyny, repression, trauma, long-buried PTSD, abuse…like, there’s a reason they’re Losers. 

But King feels like he needs to beat us over the head with this information. 

For example, let’s start with Stanley. Good old Stanley. Hey, did you know Stan was Jewish??? A simple mention wouldn’t be enough though, let’s throw every anti-Semitic word at the wall, but it’s okay because it’s from the viewpoint of a Jewish character, his wife. The Jewish wife can call herself a kike all day long, why not, let’s just go ahead and do that. 

Like. Come on Stephen. My notes say “at SOME point this just feels fuckin’ racist, dude.” 

Stan himself is lovely. We get to see him from Patty’s point of view (and, point of order, I just realized that all of the Losers are introduced from the viewpoint of another character, with the exception of Richie and Eddie), and Stan is a level-headed, smart, steady man. He seems to be “preternaturally confident” about his life choices, whether that’s choosing where Patty should apply to for work or starting his own accounting firm, and he always seems to find success. 

Stan also finds out about Bill and his books, but before the telephone call from Mike, before the Derry memories are supposed to rush in. Stan is reading Bill’s new book when he gets the call in fact. 

He also makes an oblique reference to the Turtle around Patty, “the Turtle couldn’t help us”, and then seems to shake it off without going into it with her. 

So. Either Stan remembered more than he let on, or something happened that made him aware. More aware than the rest of the Losers. Like, the Losers all seem to find wild success, supernatural success really, but to them it all seems to happen suddenly, at random. Not so with Stan. When Patty and Stan try to have children but can’t conceive, Stan says he knows the problem lies with him, he just doesn’t know why exactly. He then goes on to say that he’s in the eye of some storm, the calm between something terrible in his past and something terrible in his future. 

Of course we soon learn what terrible something is lurking in Stan’s future. One evening he gets a call from Mike Hanlon, telling him to come back to Derry. Stan answers the call, responds to Mike’s questions, then tells Patty he’s going to take a bath. She ends up watching TV a little too long, then realizes something is Off. She finds him locked in the bathroom with slit wrists and the word IT written in his own blood on the wall. 

The neighbors call the cops she screams so loud. 

We then move from Stan to Richie, whose name I have never been more happy to see in my whole life. Finally, finally, one of my favorite characters. Richie answers Mike’s phone call with nary a hiccup. He puts on a Voice to answer, not something silly but a sort of adult “everything’s going to be okay” Voice. He then arranges things with his travel agent and somewhere along the way he has to go back to his normal voice. “Now he had to go back to being himself, and that was hard–it got harder to do that every year.” Richie is building walls around parts of himself with his Voices, avoiding the real him. 

He does a couple of voices for the travel agent, she laughs hysterically, and he arranges his trip to Derry, and calls out of work. After it’s all taken care of, the memories start to rush back, the people, and he thinks of Georgie, with his arm ripped off, and then and only then does Richie vomit. He makes it to the toilet at least, but he empties himself entirely. He then removes his contacts. 

A rather short intro, but to me a nice reprieve. 

Ben’s intro is a lot better than I remember it being. I think I conflated it with his intro in the miniseries, where he brings home a girl and tells her about him being fat before they have sex. Here, not a whisper of that. There’s actually a bit where a woman asks Ben’s local bartender if Mister Hanscom is gay. “Mister Hanscom ain’t no sissy.” Cool. Thanks, Stephen. 

Basically, Ben haunts this one tiny bar in Nebraska in this tiny podunk “town”, where he gets to know the bartender, a Ricky Lee, very well over the years. He comes every Friday and Saturday night, no matter where he is. When he’s working on the BBC Communications Tower in London he still flies back home every Saturday to get his drinks. He never takes anyone home from the bar and he consistently tips well. The bartender enjoys his company. 

The night of the phone call, we see Ben head into the bar and there’s a terrible desolation hung over him. He tells Ricky there’s been bad news from home, and Ricky is sympathetic. He goes into some of the memories, of Bowers carving the H into his stomach, and shows Ricky the scar. He then orders a STEIN of whiskey, which Ricky, somewhat foolishly, gives to him, on the house. 

Ben then, mentioning an anecdote about the natives in Peru, snorts straight lemon juice and then downs the whiskey like beer. He then gives Ricky Lee three pure silver dollars that his father gave to him before he died. He makes mention of a fourth one that he gave to Bill…and a mysterious reference that Bill or Bev somehow used that silver dollar to save his life at some point. Meanwhile, Ricky is horrified. He keeps thinking of a bar patron that once hung himself after coming to the bar, and how Ben has the same look about him. He’s suddenly struck that Ben is dead, a dead man walking. 

But Ben walks out of the bar all the same, drives off, even while the waitress scolds Ricky for letting Ben drive, saying “he’ll kill himself”. And Ricky, who had thought the same thing not five minutes before says no he won’t. 

It’s a common through-line, the Losers being dead men (and woman) walking, everyone comments how scared they seem to be, how overwhelmed by fear, with the exception of Richie, who has no one with him, but Richie notes that he’s a dead man walking all the same. 

We move on to Eddie. In my notebook I wrote “EDDIE!!!” and immediately felt a renewed zeal to read. 

Eddie is introduced not by physical description but by what we find in his medicine cabinet. I couldn’t tell you the purpose of half of the items listed, a lot of them no longer exist, and as much as I’ve been busting out google for this book I wasn’t keen on looking up an entire pharmacy. I did note that one, there’s a lot of products for, as the book puts it, “moving the mail” (I wrote down “get the feeling Eds gets constipated a lot, needs more fiber in his diet”), and then I noted that Eddie also has some serious painkillers, along with some uppers and serious downers. You know a book was written in the eighties when “Quaaludes” gets name-dropped. 

I also wrote “Eddie is balding :C”, just so you know where my priorities lie. 

Of course we wouldn’t be able to talk about Eddie without mentioning Myra. Right after Eddie basically empties his medicine cabinet into his bag, Myra comes thundering up the stairs. Oh yeah, chalk down some good ol’ fatphobia from King. Literally every shitty character is fat in this book. 

Myra gets a bit of an interjection, though Eddie remains the central viewpoint for most of the chapter, and in her interjection she notes that she somewhat wants to trap Eddie (in the closet, jesus, very subtle) until “this madness had passed”. 

Eddie presses Myra into taking over for him in his driving business, and she hasn’t driven in years so she’s terrified, all while half trapped in his memories. He remembers his mom laying into his gym teacher for making Eddie take Phys. Ed. with asthma, but the teacher notes there’s nothing physically wrong with him. All the same, Eddie goes for his aspirator, takes a deep puff of it. 

He reflects that he knows how fucked up his marriage is, he knows he married his mother. Before he’d taken the plunge he’d placed a photo of Myra on the mantle next to his mother. He noted then that the two of them could be sisters. But he’d been weak and fallen into old habits. The jabs he could take, the jokes about Jack Sprat from his coworkers, but he really does seem ashamed of himself for taking the easier path, the one familiar to him. 

He truly cares for Myra if nothing else. He doesn’t want to hurt her in any way. Even semi-harsh words make him feel guilty and remorseful. He contemplates telling her everything, but it would only make her anxiety and distress worse. 

Also, two things of note: Eddie mentions that Myra “was really very sweet and had had even less experience with men than he’d had with women.” 👀 This and his pet-name for her, that makes her giggle to hear it, is “Marty.” I feel like this is far more telling of Eddie than the “marrying his mother” thing. He has affection for this woman, to be sure, but far more because she is safe, she doesn’t know much about men, she reminds him of familiar routines, she keeps him medicated and stable. He affectionately calls her a man’s name. 

And she? She wants to lock him in a closet to keep him safe and docile to her. 

As he leaves he briefly sees her transform (only for him, only mentally) into someone older, his mother back from the grave, “old and fat and crazy”, and a memory of his mother terrifying him in a shoe shop comes to mind. He shakes it off and asks her for a kiss, while saying to himself “if we were in water she’d drown us both.”

And then he flees to his taxi, on his way to the station and Derry. 

The next introduction is terrible. It made me so mad to read, I remember it disgusting me when I was kid, but it just infuriates me now. 

King’s only female protagonist, the only female in the Losers Club, Bev Marsh, is a walking punching bag. 

This part is told from the viewpoint of Tom Rogan, Bev’s husband, and he talks about how he got her under his thumb, how he could sense her vulnerability. And one, it reads like how every man assumes female abuse victims work, secretly wanting the abuse and having the choice to leave at any time but unable to, and two, it is some highly toxic misogynistic shit. And obviously it’s told from the viewpoint of a highly misogynistic character, an abuser through and through (who, by the way, is also fat, so there’s that fatphobia popping up again). 

But Tom knows that in times of extreme stress Bev is able to find her inner strength and push through. She becomes manic to do what she needs to do, and in those times Tom knows that his abuse wouldn’t be able to touch her. 

I filled up a quarter of a page with the words “FUCK TOM >:C” just so you know where my head was at as I read about him “teaching Bev a lesson” and beating her until she “learned”. He even knows that when he beats her she regresses back to being a child. A *gag* sexy child at that. His disgusting words, not mine. 

Of course Tom has parental issues of his own, of course! Match made in heaven. His mom beat him with a belt and he intends to do the same to Bev, put her in her place, give her a “whuppin’” as it’s phrased in the book. But Bev isn’t having any of that tonight. As Tom attempts to beat her for smoking and packing and daring to defy him, she fights back. She throws glass bottles at him and, as he gets more crazed, eventually tips the vanity on him. That isn’t even close to enough to keep him down though, so she snags the belt and whips him, first across the face, and then across the balls. Then and only then does he go down. 

She flees, shoeless and penniless into the night, and laughs once she realizes she’s out and probably out for good. My notes read “Tom can and will rot in hell.” 

Then my notes segue smoothly into “oh boy it’s Bill :|” and honestly, that could be the mood for the whole segment on Bill. 

Bill…Bill is so obviously Stephen King. Any time there’s a writer in a Stephen King novel you can bet that the writer is a stand-in for Stephen King. This is why it was amusing to me to have his cameo in It: Chapter Two roast Bill, his self-insert. I also should note that in the last chapter Adrian is noted to have been working on a long-languishing novel, and being in Derry inspired him, and just reading that made me groan. Not because I have anything against writers, lord knows, but because I know King included that detail to tie Adrian to himself and to Bill. I know it will come up later. I know King has to make every character him before he can empathize with them. 

Anyways, Bill gets the call from Mike all the way in England, where he’s staying in a cottage with his wife Audra. Beautiful, statuesque, red-haired Audra. “Why can’t you be the woman I want you to be” indeed. Not a line Bill says in the book by the way. At least not yet. 

Audra wants to know why Bill is shaking and why he pours himself a stiff drink before breakfast, so Bill begins filling her in on the details. And as he does we’re treated to memories of Bill in college, in his creative writing class. 

Now. Here is where I begin to lose patience with Bill and with King. King is clearly writing from experience. I know he had issues with his own college creative writing class. 

Basically, the class is pretentious, concerned with inserting political opinions into everything they write, going on about how war is sold by sexist capitalists and so on and you can just TELL that King is projecting hard. Bill’s works, fun sci-fi stories and mysteries, are given fairly low scores by the professor.

Then one day in class, during a period when another student is talking about her work, filled to the brim with socio-political commentary, Bill stands up and basically says that he doesn’t get what they’re talking about and “can’t you guys just let a story be a story?”

Which like, dude, okay, I get it on some level, this shit sounds pretentious as hell. But it’s COLLEGE. If you can’t get a chance to be pretentious in college then when else can you be? Also, you know for a fact that King is twisting this story to make himself look favorable, because it is clearly a story from his own past. So obviously the students have to be talking about buzzwords that have no meaning, instead of, oh I don’t know, expressing their political beliefs? Everything has politics in it dude! Even your shitty ass story reflects the political landscape of America in the eighties for fuck’s sake!! It, the novel, would not be what it is if it weren’t mired in politics. It has a lot to say about race, gender, and class, and if the message is muddled and directionless it’s only because the author, Mister King, didn’t put any thought into what he was trying to say, but rather wrote a story that was meant to shock. 

Anyways, Bill says the story thing, and it’s just the sort of malarky you would expect to see on the front page of r/braincels, with the top comment being “and then everyone clapped” because it is ridiculous. The teacher reprimands Bill, and Bill slinks out of class.

But OH BOY, Bill shows him! Because he writes his first horror story shortly after, and the story damn near pours out of him, and he brings it to class. The professor gives it an F and calls it pure pulp. 

Bill sells it for two hundred bucks to a shitty magazine, drops the class, and with the drop out note, well. I’ll let King take over here:

“Bill Denbrough staples the drop card to the assistant fiction editor’s congratulatory note and tacks both to the bulletin board on the creative-writing instructor’s door. In the corner of the bulletin board he sees an anti-war cartoon. And suddenly, as if moving of its own accord, his fingers pluck his pen from his breast pocket and across the cartoon he writes this: If fiction and politics ever really do become interchangeable, I’m going to kill myself, because I won’t know what else to do. You see, politics always change. Stories never do.”

“Bill Denbrough,” my notes read, “kill yourself.” 

The rest of the section continues with Bill falling into the lap of success with his stories, meeting Audra while working on a screen adaptation of his novel, the shoot going unnaturally well according to Audra, and his following years of success. He slowly fills Audra in on the blanks. His brother’s murder. His scars, from the Losers’ vow, which have suddenly reappeared on his hand after the phone call. How Stan was the one that cut their hands, before turning the glass on himself. How Stan at first mimes slashing his wrists, as a supposed goof, but Bill almost stops him all the same. 

He then realizes he can’t tell Audra everything about what went down in Derry, but makes her promise not to come with him, to stay away from Derry. His stutter, which has slowly crept back in over the course of the conversation, scares her into promising

““And when do I see you again?” she asked softly. He put an arm around her and held her tightly, but he never answered her question.”

With that, thus ends chapter three. 

This chapter took it out of me. It was all so familiar and yet all so new and horrible at the same time. I honestly can’t say I’m having a good time, but I’m certainly interested in what I’m reading. It’s like reading about a parasitic wasp, what it does to the host. It’s gruesome and disgusting, but you keep reading because you want to see the end result. But the fun’s only just beginning.

Catch you all tomorrow, bye for now. 

[blue-collects-things]

The Losers Go To Prom

Warnings: swearing, light mentions of sexism and homophobia

Requested: No

Author’s Note: Guess who has two thumbs, saw IT, and almost shat herself at an alarming velocity?? (If you guessed me, you are correct.) Of course, as a result, I was scrolling through the losers club tag on this hell site and stumbled upon this post, so give @awkward-imp​ credit for the their idea. And because I hate Stephen King’s canon, nobody has left/died/forgotten. Anywho, here are some losers take prom hcs! (Edit: this got really, really, really long {I’m not fucking kidding}, so i’m going to put an under the cut. You have been warned.)

through the rest of their middle school years and into their high school ones, the losers club remains, well, losers for the most part

however, they’re all known as bill denbrough’s friends because that boy is so popular from all the sports and clubs he does

but in their senior year, mike convinces them to go to prom despite their popularity issues

part of it could be that mike is on student council and he’s looking for some free labor in set up/clean up but mostly he wants his friends to have a good time

so in the three months leading up to the end of the school year and prom, we see our losers stressing about college, finals, and of course who they’re going to ask to prom

richie, being the little shit he is, asks every single one of the losers, plus some others and everyone knows its a joke and never takes him seriously

richie, down on one knee with a dandelion in his hand: bev, oh sweet bev, will you be my date to prom?

bev, not looking up from her book: that’s a weed, you idiot

richie, using his southern Voice: that stings, ma’am, truly it does mah de-ur. stanny boy, how bout you?

stan: in your dreams, tozier

ben wants desperately to ask bev, but he has this sinking feeling that she’ll say no in favor for someone like bill

he says as much to eddie and he laughs

like full on guffawing in the middle of study hall

ben’s like wtf? what am i missing?

and eddie says, “bill has the biggest, gayest crush i’ve ever seen on our buddy stan uris, pal”

it takes a minute for ben to process this (even though eddie used blunt wording for this express purpose) and then he laughs too

“gayer than your crush on trashmouth, eds?”

“shut up” but eddie is redder than tomatoes

so ben asks bev one day after calculus and even though he’s stuttering more than bill on a bad day, bev thinks it’s sweet and endearing

she gives him a kiss on the cheek to cut off his rambling and says yes with a smile before walking to psychology

ben, shellshocked and eyes wide as saucers, immediately pumps his fist in success the second bev turns the corner

his mom is the first to know

bev is also very happy and excited that ben asked her and she calls her own mother the first moment her father leaves their apartment

speaking of good ol’ big bill, he’s so nervous to ask stan

like, more nervous than he was when he had to debate in government

he’s super worried that because stan is jewish, he’ll be disgusted with bill and then stan won’t want to be his friend, and it’ll all go to shit

he actually goes to bev for advice because he feels most comfortable asking her about... feelings stuff than any of the other boys

she tells him that he’s a dumbass if he thinks stan will a) say no and b) stop being his friend

“i mean, have you seen the way he looks at you during lunch and chem and history and-”

“oh-k-k-hay, b-b-bev, i get ih-it”

bill is still very wary about asking

bev: *sigh*

stan, ironically, has also gone to bev for “feelings advice”

bev, under her breath: “i should start charging for my services”

stan: what?

bev: nothing, continue

stan doesn’t want to do the asking, but wants more than anything to go to prom with bill, even if it means making his father upset

bev encourages him to ask bill (bc she know that bill won’t do a damn thing unless he is 100% certain that stan likes him back)

he makes a sign (precious boy) because he can’t even comprehend saying the words aloud and drives to bill’s house when he knows both his parents and bill’s will be at work

stan takes mike with him

“just in case things go wrong” he tells mike when asking him to be his get-away driver

mike is flabbergasted because even he and haystack, the most oblivious of the group, can see that bill is totally in love with stan

when mike pulls up to the denbroughs’ house, stan looks visibly ill

he fidgets with his yarmulke, the sign, makes sure he look good before mike literally leans across his lap, opens the door, and kicks stan out of his own car, locking the door behind him

stan knocks three times on the front door before stepping back and holding the sign reading simply “prom?” in big blue letters and waits

there’s a brief moment of fear that stan tries his hardest to brush off

he reminds himself all he needs are 20 seconds of insane courage (A/N: anyone get my reference?) to pull this off

his confidence trickles away slowly as the seconds tick by without the door opening

his thoughts go i mile a minute

is he still at swim practice? no, that’s wednesday. and speech therapy is saturday. his car is in the driveway. is he- is he ignoring me?

(what stan doesn't know is that bill saw stan’s car pull up through the window and the whole ordeal, read the sign, and felt panic set in his stomach: my hair is still wet from the shower! gotta change. clean shirt? brush hair. oh god oh god oh my god oh my god ohmygod ohmyfuckinggod)

stan is about to leave until bill pulls the door open, clearly frazzled

even though he already saw the sign, bill scans the one word again carefully to make sure it’s not another illusion to trick his brain

stan    can’t        breathe

20 seconds of insane courage, stan thinks 

“bill?” he meets stan’s eyes “prom?”

bill is nodding before he can comprehend what’s going on

“yes, stanley, yes, yes, a thousand times yes”

he didn’t stutter once

he meets stan halfway in a blindingly tight hug, not stopping his talking all the while

“i was g-g-going to ask y-hoo. b-b-bev told me i-hi should. i honestly-ee can’t be-lee-ieve this. s-s-stan, are you re-al? this isn’t some tr- hmmmph!”

(stan finds another 20 seconds of courage to kiss bill quiet)

“i’ll see you tomorrow, bill” stan says agents bill’s lips before smiling  and forcing himself off the porch before he squeals with happiness and embarrasses himself

bill walks back inside with his sign to hide it in the back of closet where his parents will never look

he absently touches his lips for the rest of the evening

this is the happiest he’s been since... georgie

mike is smiling smugly in the car when stan returns

“good job, stan” is all he says, though

“thanks, mikey”

mike loves the happy smile that stan can’t seem to wipe off his face

richie wants to ask eddie and he does

several times

but eddie thinks it’s joke

“cut it out, rich. the first two times were funny, not it’s just getting old”

it stings, sure, but richie figures this is his punishment for never being serious

but he’s never been more serious about anything in his life

the only person that knows is bev (go figure) and she says the same thing she said to stan and bill: suck it up and go fucking ask him, you big baby

so he does

it’s like every other time he’s asked eddie: walking home from school

“eddie, will you go to prom with me?” he doesn’t use a Voice, he’s just richie, which is sometimes harder than the accents and impressions he does

eddie must hear this and looks up from his keds to see that richie has his eyes glued to the ground

“richie, are you still joking with me?”

richie suddenly meets eddie’s eyes and places both his hands on either side of eddie’s face

they’ve stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, two teenagers looking at each other, but they don’t care

“not with you, eds. never.”

eddie looks at richie’s eyes, still strange without his glasses even though he’s been wearing contacts for nearly three years, and sees the honesty in his baby blues

“yes, richie, i’ll go with you” eddie says and smiles lopsidedly at his grinning best friend

they hold hands the rest of the way home

mike honestly can’t find someone to go with

there’s his lab partner, linda, but she seems to be the snooty type

one day, about two months before prom, ben points out a girl staring at him from across the cafeteria

her name is june and she’s in the asian student union (founder and president) and the treasurer of student council

she’s really sweet and mike asks her on a couple of dates over the next two weeks

he asks her on the fourth date to be his prom date and of course she says yes

bev is stoked to have another girl in their group

“i still love you guys, though, so don’t worry. you’re my boys.”

richie gives her an only semi-joking hug, “thanks, bevvie. you really scared me for a minute”

(because even though he’ll never say it, he loves her a lot)

ben and richie’s mothers offer to help tailor suits and a dress for bev

bev is clueless in that department

her mother got smart and left her father but couldn’t win the custody battle because she didn’t have a steady income and, y’know, sexism in the 60s

so she doesn’t know a damn thing about makeup or hair or fancy dresses

and mrs. hanscom always wanted someone to pass her knowledge onto, so she offers to help bev and june get ready

the rest of the time passes quickly with final exams and preparing for graduation until finally the day of prom arrives

mike has succeeded in persuading the losers to help him set up the gym that friday after school and it looks amazing

the gym is swathed in blue and green tulle and streamers with a camera in the corner and glitter curtains hanging on the stage where the band will play

the losers split to the hanscoms’ place and the toziers’ house to get ready

bill, mike, stan, and richie at the toziers

ben, bev, eddie, and june at the hansoms

when ben asks his mother for help tying his tie, she literally says to him “ask eddie, i gotta go help your date” and leaves

bev is a nervous wreck and she doesn't know why

she keeps thinking it’s just ben but really is it?

recently, she’s been feeling more anxious around ben and can’t figure it our for the life of her

june has to spell it out for her: “you like him!” and bev guesses she does

the whole time they get ready, bev can’t stop thinking about how good ben will look in his suit. even if he hadn’t slimmed down and shot up another seven inches, he would’ve looked good.

when ben sees bev in her dress, he nearly passes out and eddie has to keep him upright, a particularly hard job considering that eddie is the same hight as bev: seven inches too short

ben delicately places the corsage on her wrist and she pins the boutonniere to his jacket

eddie and june smile at each other watching this interaction

meanwhile at the toziers’, stan and mike are getting ready in the living room and bill and richie are getting ready his room

bill, sitting on the edge of richie’s bed: i th-th-think i’m go-hunna p-puke

richie: not on the tux, mrs. hanscom will have my head on a plate

bill: i’m s-s-eri-ous, r-r-rich

richie, kneeling in front of bill: listen to me, billy boy, stan is waiting out there for you and you and him are going to be just fine. he got up the courage to ask you, now be a man and give him a great night.

bill: wow, eh-eddie must be r-r-rubbing oh-ff on y-you

richie, winking: you got that right

stan is fidgety in the living room waiting for bill to come down the stairs, literally wearing a hole in the floor where he’s pacing

mike: stop it, you’re giving me anxiety just looking at you

finally, richie comes down the stairs looking very dapper and at least attempting to tame his unruly hair

“let me, dear friends and neighbors, introduce the one and only bill denbrough”

and bill descends the stairs in his white suit and if angels are real, stan figures this is what they look like

when bill lays eyes on stan, he stops coming down the stairs

stan had slicked back his hair which had gotten a little longer and his hazel eyes shone with anticipation

neither can speak, but mike and richie are smiling and elbowing each other

bill finally clears his throat

“you l-look am-az-zing, st-st-stan”

stan    can’t        breathe                   (again)

“you look great too, bill”

they pin their boutonnieres to each other just as the limo pulls up

all the losers pitched in money they had gotten from working odd jobs (the diner, the drive-in theater, babysitting, tutoring, lawn mowing) to rent a limo for the evening

the four at the toziers’ pile in and head to ben’s house

richie has gotten exceptionally nervous in the ten minutes it has taken to drive to haystack’s

bill is really concerned cause he’s never seen richie so quiet

“ta-ake y-your own ad-ad-advie, trashmouth, and m-man the fu-uck u-up”

“shut the hell up, bill” but he’s smiling so bill is happy

when they get to the hanscoms’, mike and richie get out to pick up their dates

june runs out first and leaps into mike’s arms and he spins her around and plants a kiss on her cheek before sliding a corsage on her wrist

ben and bev step out next, each complementing richie and giving him a hug

lastly, eddie steps out, and richie is totally gone

“wow, eds, i- you- um”

eddie laughs “you too, rich”

eddie offers richie his hand and they walk together back to the limo

(A/N: psst, this is what they look like- ben // stan // richie // bill // mike // eddie // bev // june // god bless pinterest) 

the limo ride there is... hectic, to say the least

everyone is singing, even stan who almost never sings

bev and june are cracking jokes that make the boys laugh

it’s a really good feeling

and suddenly they’re there and handing over their tickets

they all go to the camera first while they still look nice

all of the couples go first, bill and stan and richie and eddie getting a strange look from the photographer but they ignore the obvious disgust in his eyes because they’re already having the best night of their lives

then all eight of them together. there’s three of these pictures: one where nobody is looking and smiling at each other, one where they’re all making funny faces, and the last one that actually looks nice

they all are enjoying themselves and dancing and singing and laughing and smiling

until the first slow song starts

as “can’t help falling in love” starts, couples begin to pair off

mike and june sway and smile and talk to each other softly as they dance

stan apprehensively places his arms around bill’s neck, extremely concerned for the stares they’ll likely be getting, but now it’s bill’s turn for 20 seconds of courage because he puts his hands on stan’s waist and pulls him flush against his body

stan smiles and places his forehead on bill’s and bill smiles back. they kinda just look at each other fondly for the whole dance

bev lets ben lead her away from the group and bev looks up at ben staring down at her and decides that if she has to have a staring contest with him during this dance, she’ll lose it

so she places her head on ben’s chest and listens to his heart beat and it’s so sporadic that she thinks surely ben will have a heart attack but he squeezes the hand that bev put in his lightly and she smiles against his dress shirt

richie pulls eddie toward him by the hand and delicately places a hand on his waist, being more careful than eddie thought capable

eddie reaches up (and it is quite the reach) and tangles his fingers in the hairs at the nape of richie’s neck

they avoid eye-contact

about half-way through the song, richie begins to sing softly “but i can’t help falling in love with you” and looks at eddie so piercingly that eddie gasps

they kiss and neither of them knows who initiated it, only that it’s sweet and slow and amazing

the rest of the evening goes by in a blur

bill, eddie, and mike ditch their suit jackets and roll up their sleeves

richie’s bowtie hangs loosely around his neck, untied

june removes her gloves and bev takes off her high heels

then the crowning of prom king and queen happens

it’s no surprise that bill wins prom king, because he is so well liked and even some of the teachers voted for him

but everyone is blown away when bev wins prom queen

they dance the dance and laugh at each other the whole time

(stan may or may not be a little jealous but all that goes away when they return from the dance and bill places his arm around stan’s shoulders and plants a kiss on his cheek)

after the dance ends, everyone is sweaty, their feet hurt, and they no longer have voices

they all decide the best thing to do is to go to the diner that’s open until 1am on the other side of town in their limo

they all cram into one booth

eddie holds richie’s hand under the table and absently strokes the scar on his palm

richie is so taken aback that he can’t speak

everyone’s like “trashmouth is so quiet, what’s up?” and eddie only smirks

they all order milkshakes and three orders of the big basket of french fries

that poor waitress who’s there for them

suddenly richie finds his voice and starts telling stories his Voices that are getting significantly better

when it’s closing time, the owner kicks them out, but smiles at their loud laughter on the way out

they all drive to eddie’s house, pay the limousine driver and crowd in the living room to watch movies until they all fall asleep

richie’s head is in eddie’s lap

eddie is leaned against bill’s legs hanging off the couch

bill is laying his head on stan

stan is curled up on the couch, his feet touching bev’s

bev’s hand is dangling and holding ben’s

ben is asleep with his legs crossed over mike’s

mike has his arms around june

june has her head on richie’s legs

they’re all still in their evening wear

mrs. kaspbrak finds them like this in the morning and, even though she doesn’t like the no-good friends eddie has made, can’t help but take a picture of how cute they all are

~ ~ ~

Hope you enjoyed this! I had a lot of fun writing this and if you’re reading this, thanks for trooping through this! Don’t forget to like, reblog, and comment. Got a request? Submit one here. See my masterlist here.

[signbrake9-blog]

The ‘Why Didn’t I Think of That?’ Trick for the Best Chocolate Chip Cookies

Want to Change the Way You Bake? We do. And no, we’re not talking about adopting eight sourdough starters or making cakes with a sous vide machine. We’re talking about smart, savvy, and totally simple tricks that change everything. Or, you know, at least your next batch of baked goods.

Chocolate chip cookies are already perfect, so how do you make them even better? Bakers have been answering this question with new recipes for over a century. (Toll House boasts that Ruth Wakefield debuted her now-famous cookies 81 years ago, but head to Stella Parks’ award-winning cookbook BraveTart for the untold history of chocolate chip cookies, which actually dates back to the late 1800s.)

Search “Chocolate Chip Cookies” on our site and you’ll find—let’s see—a lot of results. All smartypants in their own right! For example:

But! My favorite chocolate chip cookie hack right now is none of these. It’s even simpler and, dare I say, even more obvious: Use different types of chocolate.

The chocolate chip cookie recipe that all other chocolate chip cookies shall be measured against���hi, hello Toll House—uses semi-sweet morsels. But what is semi-sweet chocolate? And what is a morsel? And why should this variety get to have all the fun, huh?

Well, semi-sweet chocolate and bittersweet (which sometimes goes by “dark”) chocolate are not, technically speaking, all that different. According to the FDA, the only requirement for both is that they contain at least 35 percent cacao, so it really depends on the manufacturer what you're going to get. Which means that you could buy a “dark” chocolate expecting a deeply bitter flavor, but get something just as sweet as semisweet. Which is to say: Read the labels and see if you can figure out the percentages yourself; this number will communicate just how sweet or bitter your chocolate will be.

Now, about those morsels. I like to think of this shape, now iconic to the Toll House chocolate chip cookie, as a teeny-tiny, itty-bitty Hershey’s kiss. Because it’s a factory-made product, each one is exactly the same.

The irony is: It’s called a chocolate chip cookie, not a chocolate morsel cookie. When you chop a larger block of chocolate into literal chips, they’re inevitably irregular, yielding a cookie with big pockets of chocolate, wispy streaks, and everything in between.

Despite being raised on the Toll House version (very happily, too—thanks Mom!), I ditched semi-sweet morsels years ago for one reason: I wanted more control. (To know me is to not be surprised by this.) I wanted more control of the chocolate intensity (60 percent cacao or more became my go-to). And I wanted more control of the shape, too (any knife and cutting board does the trick).

But I never thought to mix and match chocolates until I met Julia and Thomas Blaine.

Head with me to North Carolina for a minute. You’re in the countryside, driving along tree-lined roads that roll up, down, up, down, like a roller coaster, until you reach a ranch house. It’s the humble headquarters of Strong Arm Baking.

Bakers are a tight-knit crew in this section of the south and, after I started working as one myself, it didn’t take long for me to meet Julia and Thomas and spend time in their kitchen, where they churn out some of the best-tasting baked goods I’ve ever had. Like, ever. That’s where I learned their chocolate chip cookie secret: equal parts dark and milk chocolate, by weight.

“We wanted dark for richness, and milk for candy flavor and creamy qualities,” Julia told me. “The dark chocolate has to be super high quality, and pack a punch without adding much sweetness. But the milk is all about tempering the richness. It calms the chocolate level down a bit and adds new flavor.”

Their brand of choice is Callebaut for both, but the shape and percentages couldn’t be more different. For the dark, they use 60 percent morsels. For the milk, a 30 percent bar that they chop by hand.

Just because? Of course not.

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The morsels are “for consistency,” to keep the sharp, bitterness of the dark chocolate in check. Meanwhile, chopping the milk chocolate “gives us widely varying sizes.” The tiny shavings, Julia explained, “add a caramelized quality to the dough,” while larger pieces “create big, beautiful pools of chocolate.”

My favorite part? You can apply this trick to literally any chocolate chip cookie recipe. Just take the weight of chocolate recommended and swap in equal parts of dark and milk. Or heck, swap in whatever ratio of whatever chocolates you want.

In BraveTart, Stella Parks also uses this blended-chocolate technique, calling for “mixed dark, milk, and/or white chocolate,” leaving the specifics up to you.

I reached out to Stella and asked when she started using this technique:

"For most of my professional career," she told me, "since restaurants and bakeries often stock all sorts of chocolate percentages and styles for various applications, in blocks or discs or batons." And in professional kitchens, nothing goes to waste. "All that sort of stuff needs to get used up, and chocolate chip cookies are a pretty reliable/low stakes home for all that chocolate."

Like Julia and Thomas, Stella loves the way combining chocolates yields a standout taste: "It creates such an interesting depth of flavor and complexity."

Of course, she pointed out, not mixing chocolate isn't a deal-breaker: "It's not that cookies can't be great with one type of chocolate, but in that case it better be great because every bite is exactly the same."

In other words? Mixing varieties takes the pressure off the chocolate to be super-duper high quality. (Your wallet can thank you later.) Because instead of focusing on Whoa, this is the best chocolate ever! you're being wow-ed by the dynamic, contrasting flavors:

"Each bite can be a little more exciting, ooh, here's a big nugget of that caramely milk chocolate, and ahh, this next bite is so dark and fruity."

Stella Parks

Unlike Julia and Thomas, Stella "almost never" sticks to the same ratio of chocolates. "It really is a 'let's clean out the pantry' sort of affair where I'm just chucking stuff on the scale til I have enough. For me, that's part of the fun."

So the quality of the chocolate you use is important, and whether you buy morsels, chunks, or chop it yourself is also important. But what might be the most important is how you mix those varieties. The only question is: What combination will be just right for you?

There’s only one way to find out.

What makes a perfect chocolate chip cookie, to you? Tell, tell in the comments!

Source: https://food52.com/blog/23629-easy-recipe-trick-for-the-best-chocolate-chip-cookies

[madistidious-blog]

adventure awaits | averison

WHO: Madison McCarthy & Avery Pearce ( @averypearces ) WHAT: Avery asked Madison out on an adventure. They break the law, a little bit. WHERE: Avery’s car, his former place of residence, a restaurant, McCarthy house. WHEN: 3/8 evening. We’re very late and very sorry. WARNINGS: Nah. We did accidentally lose the first couple of tags, so if it feels like it starts in the middle, that’s why. WC: 5.3k. YIKES.

Madison stretched out in the seat of Avery’s car; he’d picked her up right on time, a few minutes early even, and avoided Mason by texting her to let her know he was there. Smart on every count. He’d just turned on the radio and she was absently tapping along--as soon-to-be-overplayed music went, the new Ed Sheeran wasn’t bad at all. She'd been listening to it on repeat. "Cheer was tiring," Madison admitted, answering the question he’d just posed. "But not really worse than it usually is. Coach didn't make us do the really hard stuff yet cause nobody's been dumb enough to complain about the schedule yet." Madison shook her head fondly - a nice shower had cured her body of most of the familiar aches, but in no way was she looking forward to Nationals season, when everything hurt and was literally the worst. "What about you? What've you been up to?"

Avery shook his head lightly. It was nice seeing Madison like this - it almost felt like she was lighter, in a way. Or more free. He wasn't sure, but she was adorable. "That sounds almost wise. It'd be a shame to burn out already," he shrugged. Being Avery meant having been with quite a few cheerleaders and at McKinley, a lot of them seemed to go down to the tough schedule. It also meant being proud over Madison for not seeming to give up. "Not too much, actually. Been hanging with my boy Spencer. I'm semi-planning a trip to Chicago with my boy Shane, and..." his voice trailed off as he spotted a familiar street and he decided turn there. "And now I'm taking my girl Madison on an adventure. You ready?"

Madison grinned in spite of herself. She liked that; being his girl. "Bring it on," Madison said, peering out the window. This, she thought, was why she loved spending time with her boys - adventure. Being just Madison, instead of Madison McCarthy, or even Madison the Cheerleader, or Madison, Mason's sister. Her jeans and sweater were more comfortable than her cheer uniform, in moments like this, and if they were going on an adventure, Madison was immensely glad that she'd opted for her Converse instead of the fancier shoes she'd been considering. It was easy to relax in moments like this, and Madison was not a girl to which relaxation came easily. "The Windy city won't know what's blowing through with you two," Madison teased, shaking her head fondly as she looked back at him. She was glad Spencer and Avery were spending time together - the more her boys got along with each other, the easier her life was.

Avery decided to ignore the general thought that Madison was going to hate what he was doing, but moments later, the car was parked and he had turned in his seat to face her. How had he been lucky enough to get her to be part of his life? He found himself slowly leaning closer until their foreheads were almost touching. "Madison McCarthy," he whispered and tilted his head slightly, his lips twisting into a smirk. "You're a fucking nerd."He blew some air in her face before pulling back and quickly exiting the car.

Madison felt her eyes go wide as the distance between them closed; her brain fritzed on the thought that oh god he was going to kiss her oh god oh god and then--"Hey!" Madison squawked, scrambling out of the car to chase him. "Avery Pearce, you are such a ​jerk​!" But it came out with a laugh as she playfully shoved at him, and she was smiling. "A big mean jerk, is what you are." She knew she was probably pink in the cheeks, and she made a point of pulling her jacket more securely around her - just the cold. She glanced around them - once she was past the indignation, she got to curiosity. "Where are we?"

Avery had a lot of fun watching Madison's eyes widen. Maybe in another world he wouldn't find it so amusing to watch Madison freak out, but in this world, it was one of the more entertaining things he had ever seen and he couldn't help himself but laugh as she chased him. "Oh my god, Madison McCarthy," he got out between his laughs and he placed his hands on her shoulders to keep balance. "You so wanted to kiss me!" he teased, wrinkling his nose at her before nodding towards the yellow house that he soon after started walking towards. "Lima, Ohio obviously. Come on, I wanna show you something."

Madison huffed at him, shaking her head resolutely. "Shut up. I did ​not​," she insisted, quickening her place to keep up with him. "I just thought ​you​ wanted to kiss ​me​ and I was ​not prepared​," she added, fixing him with a glare that somehow lacked its usual ferocity. She only held it for a moment before her curiosity won out and she looked ahead of them. A house? Had he taken her to a literal den of iniquity? Were dens of iniquity usually so...cute? "You've piqued my curiosity, so I ​guess​ I might as well see this through," she said as she followed him, playfully begrudging. "What sorta something?"

Avery turned to face Madison for a moment, but it was mostly just to wink at her. "And I'd totally believe you... if you weren't blushing," he raised his eyebrows at her for a moment before turning around a corner, entering the garden through a hole in the fence. The garden - like most of the house - was over-all not looking too well, but he couldn't say it surprised him. It had been for sale a long time and he hadn't been here in what felt like forever. "You'll see in just a moment," he assured her as he walked along the side until he reached the window to the basement. Moments later, he had pushed it open with his foot. "Want me to jump down first?"

Madison just huffed at him again, deciding for the moment to let it go. She raised her eyebrows as he jimmied the window open. "Ave, Avery, wait," Madison said, a frown creasing her brow. "We're--we're breaking and entering? That's the adventure?" Madison asked incredulously, looking from him to the open window. Some part of her - the wild, careless part of her she never let herself listen to - was tempted to just nudge past him and slide down first, just to prove that she could, or would. The utterly logical part of her said it was time to go back to the car. She didn't listen to either; she crossed her arms around her chest and worried at the edge of her lip as she weighed her options. "Whose house is this?"

Avery found it oddly relieving when Madison finally started to worry about his plans. Unless he had somehow gotten the wrong Madison with him, this was bound to happen at some point, but it didn't really stop him from getting on his knees to budge the window open further. "It's not really breaking in. This place has been empty for years," he shrugged and sent her a final smile before sliding down, soon after reaching a hand up as a sign for her to follow. "Eh, used to be my mom's. Are you coming or not?"

Madison cast a glance around them, still uneasy--she was pretty sure it was still at least a little illegal to do this sort of thing. She'd never let Mason do it. She chewed on the edge of her lip for another doubtful, uneasy moment, then let out a sigh and rested her hands on her hips. "You are a terrible influence," she announced, shaking her head. She stepped forward and took his hand, managing to scoot through the window with minimal awkwardness. "And if we get arrested, I'll let Carter kick your butt." Madison smoothed her shirt and looked around the room--the basement. This had been Avery's mother's place? A flood of questions swam in her mind, but she kept her mouth firmly shut as she stepped away from the window. Getting back out was going to be a pain. "Do you come here a lot?" She asked, figuring that to be one of the more harmless questions she could ask - the follow up question, why, would either become self explanatory or avoided altogether, but...one thing at a time.

Avery took a quick look around in the room while he waited for the brunette to make up her mind. "You'll be fine, don't worry about it," he assured her. His money was on Madison following him rather soon - she was careful, but she wasn't going to let him do something stupid (and he suspected she might secretly enjoy doing dumb things). And sure, she was soon standing in the basement next to him. Of course he couldn't bring anyone here without there being questions. He didn't know why he hadn't thought about it yet, but he figured it wouldn't be too bad. "Not too often, no," he admitted, closing his hand around Madison's and pulling her towards the stairs.

Madison let Avery lead her - he knew where he was going, and she wasn't entirely convinced that if she stepped wrong something wouldn't jump out at her. He didn't offer further information, and Madison decided not to push him by asking too many questions - the place felt sort of spooky, sort of nostalgic, like a photo found in a forgotten attic box. If this had been a random abandoned house, Madison didn't know how she would've felt, but as it was, this was part of Avery's story somehow, and she resolved to shut up and let him show her whatever he wanted to. "It's nice," Madison offered into the quiet that had settled around them. She shifted a little closer as they finished the stairs, though her eyes kept wandering around the room. She wanted to touch and study and examine, but her hand was still in Avery's, and that was probably for the best. "It's...I mean, you can tell this was a home, yknow?" Madison shrugged and looked back at him, a little smile on her face. "So we've broken and entered. What now?"

Avery knew that perhaps it was a bit weird, but he hoped Madison didn't mind. It felt kind of nice bringing someone and not just going alone, but he could imagine that it was weird for the other seeing that it was weird for him too, even if he had been so many times over the years. "It's not, not really," he gave her a small smile in return. "But I appreciate it." He pushed open a door and pulled her with him. The walls were blue, floor filled with toys and to top it all off, there was a Lightning McQueen bed next to the window. "So, um.. I don't actually have a plan."

Madison followed him, raising her eyebrows as she took in the room, and Avery's lack of a plan. Hesitantly she stepped a little further into the room. The mess sort of made her skin crawl, and she didn't even want to think about what sort of creatures may have made their home here, but this was clearly important to Avery, and the only way to find out why was to ask. She turned back to him and offered a little smile. "Then how 'bout you tell me why you wanted to show me this?"

Avery avoided Madison's gaze for a while as he pulled the curtains aside and pushed open the window, allowing fresh air to enter the room. Everything about the house was kind of a mess and the garden didn't look much prettier, but he was convinced that the view over the city was kind of soothing - almost beautiful. "Well," he sighed, finally turning to face her, "part of it was to see if I could actually get you to break into a house - and I have to say, you really impressed me on that one," he offered a small smile back. "Other than that... I guess I just wanted not to be alone with it, even just for a moment, you know? A lot of things in the world sucks, but you're pretty great and I wouldn't mind having at least one happy memory from this place."

Madison watched him carefully, moving to join him at the window. "I'm very impressive," she agreed, sounding playfully haughty. "But thank you." Madison said, looking from the view to him, her small smile growing just a little bit. She wanted to ask about the other memories - the apparently unhappy ones - but the moment felt tender and vulnerable. She just took his hand again and gave it a gentle squeeze, because nobody wanted to be alone. "So," she said, voice soft and a little teasing, "Avery Pearce, a Lightning McQueen fan, huh?"

Avery looked down, letting out a small laugh. Right now, there was no regrets in bringing Madison here. And yes... she was very impressive. His hand closed around her's the moment she put it in his and he squeezed right back. "Would you have done it if I hadn't told you it used to be my mom's?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her and pulled her slightly closer to press a small kiss to the side of her forehead. "Wish I could tell you an embarrassing story about how I was big into Lightning McQueen when I was fourteen, but sadly the bed was already part of the room when I moved in. Same with all that is left here. My mom thought it'd make me happy and I appreciate how much thought she put into it."

Madison smiled in spite of herself, shifting closer to wrap her arm loosely around his waist. It felt like a museum, except it was Avery's life they were studying. "Probably not," Madison admitted. "If it were just some random act of chaos or disobedience it wouldn't be worth it. And, like, if it were a stranger, that stranger could totally be a murderer or something." Madison chuckled softly. "Plus I'm a sucker for mysteries." Madison glanced up at him a little smile. "Your mom sounds sweet." There was a little hint of wistfulness; she didn't know the circumstances that would make him have to ​move in​ with his mother at 14--that meant he'd been somewhere else before that--but she wasn't even sure if her own mother would notice if she and Mason moved out and came back, never mind try to set up a whole bedroom for them.

Avery let Madison move closer and even loosely wrapped his arm around her. "Hm, boring. But I guess it doesn't matter since it wasn't somewhere else and you're here now," he shrugged and took a short look around the room again. Being back was always weird but somehow, not being back alone was less suffocating. Even if Madison was here for the mysteries. He was alright with that. "She was sweet. I mean... everyone makes mistakes. She was trying her best and I try not to blame her too much." He leaned in to rest his head against hers and sighed deeply. Avery usually did well getting out of conversations about his or other people's parents, but now with Madison, it wasn't too bad.

Madison rolled her eyes goodnaturedly--she was not boring, thank you very much, but she couldn't afford the risk associated with doing all the dumb stuff the guys got up to. Not with Mason to consider, and her parents; but that was too much to explain, and it wasn't other people's business anyway, so she let it slide. Madison let out a soft sigh of her own, in sympathy. "Parents aren't perfect," she offered, a statement of fact - she frequently thought that her own never should have been parents in the first place, except for the part where that meant that she wouldn't exist. "But at least she tried." Madison wondered what that was like. Having a mother who actually cared enough to try. She pushed that thought away; she hadn't missed the past-tense references Avery was making, and that brought a whole new level of complication to the situation. She had no room to complain - even if her parents didn't try in the way she wanted them to, at least they kept a roof over her head, and kept the lights on. At least they were still...present-tense, even if they weren't present. "What was she like?" Madison asked, a little hesitant. After a beat, she added, "We don't have to--I mean, if you don't want to, we can just..." Madison waved her hand. "I don't mean to pry." But she was in his childhood bedroom with more questions than answers. The downside of being a McCarthy was that they were completely self-absorbed; she hadn't paid any amount of attention to anyone except Mason and herself for most of her life, and she had a feeling that if she'd been a little more aware growing up, this all might make a little more sense.

Avery didn't miss her eye-rolling and it caused him to bump his hips into hers, very lightly. He liked pushing boundaries - both his own and the ones of others, but Madison was his friend and there was no use in being a complete dick. Still. It was nice bringing her outside her comfort zone and it was both stressful and reliving being outside his own. He realized, he didn't know a lot about the McCarthys. Maybe because he didn't ask and because she wasn't always busy telling their stories. "Parents are the fucking worst," he huffed, squeezing her shoulder. He had always wanted to say that. She didn't sound too optimistic and he had never had a chance to say that, but he took what he got. Maybe one day they'd hang out in her room and he'd listen to her and things would be okay. "Uh, she had a lot of issues of her own. I had to move out when I was six because she wasn't really fit to take care of a kid or whatever, and I don't really remember that much. We didn't talk until I moved back in and.. I don't know, I didn't live here for long. She was nice, I think. It was a weird time," he laughed. Not because anything was funny, but because he never really spoke so much about him and it felt weird - he needed something to lighten the situation. "I don't mind. We can leave, if you want to. I do vaguely remember having reserved a table and that's in..." he grabbed his phone from his pocket to check the time, "... twenty-five minutes."

Madison nodded her agreement - parents were the fucking worst. It seemed to be the most miserable of universal truths. Her brow furrowed slightly as Avery spoke--having to leave due to parental screw-up was number one on Madison's fear list. She tightened her grip on him, just a little. "I'm sorry," Madison said, voice a little softer. She wanted to say more, but she didn't even know where to begin. "You didn't deserve something like that." Madison settled on with a soft sigh. "Especially being so young." At least he didn't remember it. That was sort of a blessing. As he checked his phone, her smile returned, just a little. "You made reservations?" Madison shook her head fondly, stepping away from him to look at the room again; she leaned down to pick up a toy, an action figure from a cartoon she vaguely remembered Mason watching when they were kids. Definitely not a room for a fourteen year old. Maybe a room for a six year old. She held the toy up and gestured with it; in a playful imitation of the character's voice, she said, "I'm good with whatever you are, Avery." She held it for a moment, then giggled and shook her head. "Really though. This was..." Madison didn't want to say fun. With a little smile, she tilted her head at him. "Enlightening? Definitely an adventure."

Avery found himself surprisingly satisfied with his decision to bring her hair. His other plans had been quite shitty and even if this wasn't exactly the ideal place or way to hang out with anyone, he felt like they were at least somewhat closer after this. And what was certainly a plus. There was a soft smile on his lips as he shrugged. He appreciated her concern, but it wasn't as if there was anything to be done about it now. Three years ago, maybe, but three years felt like forever. "It's okay. I don't think anybody out there has had a life that didn't suck at one point or another." He believed everyone was shaped to deal with whatever shit they had in their childhood and having had a lot of shit, at least he knew how to deal with it. Madison's imitation was adorable and there was no way Avery could hold back his smile. Who had allowed her to be this cute? "I made reservations. Figured you'd be into that," he winked at her and stepped closer again, nodding and listening to what she was saying. And when she paused, he took his chance and pressed a soft but short kiss to her lips. Was it dumb? Definitely, but so was most other things he did because much like all those things, he didn't really think it through. She was pretty and there for him and if he got to watch Madison freak out, he'd say it was successful enough.

Madison couldn't remember what she'd been about to say--something else in the action figure's voice, maybe--because then he was kissing her. It was over too quick for her to be anything other than stunned, her eyes wide and confused. Oh. "Oh," Madison said, dumbly, blinking rapidly. Color flooded her cheeks again and she let out a soft chuckle, dropping her gaze to the toy in her hand. Her brain felt like it had scattered, and she couldn't quite form sentences yet. She cleared her throat and spoke sharply to herself: get a grip. She took a breath and peeked back up at him, a tiny little smile on her face. "So. Um. I guess--I guess this is a date, then?" That was about all she could get out--she knew she had about a million questions, but she couldn't remember them, because she'd just gotten kissed and Avery was still looking at her like that, and he'd made reservations, and...gosh. ​Gosh.​

Avery turned out to be right. Madison reaction turned out to be quite satisfying to watch and after hearing her soft chuckle, he decided there was nothing wrong with letting a small smile rest on his face. Of all the things that had already happened, kissing Madison McCarty was the least planned of them all, but it could have gone a whole lot worse. "Aw, Madison. I knew you wanted to go on a date with me. But maybe just ask another time so I don't end up dragging you weird places like this one, yeah?" His tone was teasing and he soon after grabbed he hand, slowly walking towards the door.

Madison let out an offended huff. "Wh--you are literally the worst!" Madison decided, playfully petulant. "You're the one who--" Madison cut herself off with a frustrated groan, just shaking her head at him. "I don't think this was a date. It's only a date if both people know it's a date. You can't just--just dive bomb a kiss and then be all..." Madison huffed at him. "It's cheating. And it means that I'll have to get my vengeance," she added, flashing him an impish smile. "Where's dinner?"

Avery chuckled at Madison's attempts to form full sentences. This whole thing has just gone from satisfying to very satisfying. "Well, then we'll just have to agree the date starts once we get out of here, yeah?" he gave her hand a small squeeze and rolled his eyes at her. "And obviously I can," he assured her as they reentered the basement. Part of him wanted to kiss her again - partly to prove his point, partly because he didn't mind and she didn't seem to either. However, he decided not to. Not right now anyway. "You're cute," was what he ended up going with instead. "I'll be looking forward to it. Casa Lu Al. So nowhere too fancy. Hope that's alright."

Madison pouted. "Calling me cute won't negate the fact that you totally cheated," Madison huffed, eying the window they'd entered through somewhat doubtfully. "That's super alright. Breaking and entering and deep childhood trauma would be an odd way to start a fancy date," she decided, stopping as they approached the window. She hesitated for a moment, then straightened her shoulders. "So, my rule is that first dates end in kisses, not start with them." Madison announced - it wasn't actually a rule, she'd just decided it, given that she'd never been on a first date before--she'd never been on ​any​ date before, but that was besides the point. "So. Before we get out there and the date starts, officially..." Madison leaned up and kissed him; one hand on his cheek and the other still caught in his hand.

Avery ran his free hand through his hair and threw a quick look at the window when she did. He had crawled out of it before and Madison was shorter and, to his knowledge, somewhat athletic. They were gonna make it. "I did not cheat. You totally cheated," he made a face at her, hoping she wouldn't ask as he had no explanation as to why or how she could have cheated. He nodded along when she explained her rule and a smug smile formed on his lips as she leaned in. Her body was soft against his and not wanting to push her against the potentially gross walls, Avery pulled her closer by placing his free hand on the side of her neck.

Madison smiled into the kiss, pulling away after another long moment. "Mm, see how nice that was? 'Cause I gave you warning! Granted, it's hard to divebomb from below, but..." Madison let out a breath and shook her head, brushing her free hand through her hair. "Okay. Now that that's out of the way." Madison approached the window and rested her hands on her hips for a moment, studying the way out. "Here we go." She stepped forward and pulled herself through the window, rolling at least somewhat gracefully to her feet as she successfully disembarked the basement.

Avery quickly decided that kissing Madison was great - he'd make a note to try and do that more often. When it ended, he was quick to run a hand through his hair and send her a small smile. "It was alright," he agreed, nearing the window with her. He'd offer to help, but he was sure Madison could get up on her own. And while he attempted not to look up under her skirt, she did, and he followed her soon after. He looked around while he straightened his clothes. "So I don't really know the rules of dating Madison, but I didn't get you flowers, so..." he hummed, grabbing a few wild flowers from the garden, handing it to her. "Pretend these are prettier and let's get going, yeah?"

Madison blinked in surprise, the grin lighting her face bright and simple as she took the flowers. "They're beautiful," Madison said honestly. They weren't, but they were the only flowers she'd ever gotten from a boy, so they were perfect. "I don't know the rules of dating, period," Madison said as they made their way to the car. "But I think this is a pretty good start," she said, looking back at him with a wide smile. He not only asked her out on a date, but actually wanted to date her. That was a -ing ending, wasn't it? "Are...is there anything I should know about dating Avery?"

Avery concluded that Madison did actually look pretty satisfied with them, so even if they weren't perfect, he'd say it was good enough. "I'm not sure there are rules," he found his car keys in his pocket and unlocked the car, holding the door open for her. If he was really on a date with Madison McCarthy, he'd make sure to at least be somewhat a gentleman. "Well, probably. But it's not exciting if you don't get to figure it out along the way, is it?"

Madison smiled brightly again as she slid into the car; the wildflowers weren't the prettiest, and they weren't the ginormous, thoughtful bouquet Parker had given her for Valentine's, but they smelled good and it was a tiny piece of this place. Madison looked out the window at the yellow house, unassuming and uninviting; she felt a strange sense of nostalgia for it. She could almost imagine it--what it was, what it could have been. "Maybe you're right," Madison answered as Avery got in the car. Usually, Madison likes to have everything figured out ahead of time; she liked to have plans and know what was going on. But she'd been consistently surprised so far, and maybe that wasn't so bad.

Avery closed the door when she had gotten in and proceeded to climb into the driver's seat himself, moments later pulling onto the streets. "Oh, probably. I'm usually always right," he stated, although knowing perfectly well that wasn't the case. It was probably for the best that they were leaving they yellow house. Things had gone alright and if they didn't get unlucky, the rest of the night couldn't turn completely disastrous. "How do you rate the night so far?"

Madison scoffed doubtfully. "You got lucky," Madison teased, shaking her head fondly. "I'd give it a solid B+," Madison said after a moment or two of thought. "Like, a for-sure 7 7.5 out of ten," she decided, looking back at him. "What about you? Are you having fun?"

Avery rolled his eyes as he pulled into the parking lot. "That's definitely not bad," he nodded to himself as he turned off the engine, throwing Madison a quick look. "I'm having fun. You're not the worst person I've been around," he nudged her side gently before exiting the car, locking it when she had closed the door. "Ready?"

Madison nodded, falling into step with him. "You're not the worst person I've been around either," Madison confessed, her voice a play-whisper. It was surprisingly easy to be like this; flirtatious and sort of silly. But she was really having a good time, and she liked being surprised--which seemed to be Avery's specialty. As they entered the restaurant, Madison was suddenly very glad she hadn't eaten beforehand, because everything smelled amazing.

Avery had been smiling when they entered the restaurant and he was smiling when they left again. It was hard not to - flirtatious Madison was fun to be around. And of course, when he pulled into her driveway and they slowly made their way to her door, he sent her a small smile again. "Hey, thanks for tonight," he started. "It was nice."

Madison smiled, ducking her head as Avery spoke. "It was," Madison agreed. She glanced to the door, aware that if Mason figured out she was back he'd have a million questions. "Thank you," Madison said, looking back to him, smile widening slightly. She leaned up and kissed him quickly, chastely--because that was supposed to happen at the end of a date, right? She caught his hand and squeezed it, then unlocked the door as quietly as she could. "G'night, Avery," Madison said, keeping her voice low. She gave him a little wave and waited until he got back to his car, and then crept up to her room and flopped in bed, covering her face with her pillow. She'd just gone on a date! Successfully! With Avery! Maybe there was hope for her yet.

[jpy693en-blog]

Certificate of liability insurance?

Certificate of liability insurance?

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[hgfstreamchats]

Avengers: Infinity War

How's every little thing, night human? Alright, alright Have you seen this already, or should I avoid spoilers for it? (I haven't seen the one that just came out) I haven't. Aha, gotcha. I'm seeped deeply enough in your pop culture that I know how it plays out, however. *nodnods* Loki looking all awkward there. "we KIND OF just had an apocalypse there" As one does. Hello! Took a minute for my keyboard to key in there, but wow Excellent! I know this guy probably came first, but he's SO much like a bad ripoff of that guy from Ben 10 ikr? GO LOKI! I mean, it was a good try.

A knife, though? A knife of all things? Thanos is INCREDIBLY dumb. It could have worked. It wouldn't have been much of a movie if he did, but I was rooting for Thor to kick his ass Yeah. there was a crowd-wide scream in the theater I was in when Loki died There was a lot of yelling that night actually I admit I'll be mad if he really is dead this time. Well whether he is or not, there is that tv show coming And there's always reboots. true, true And other universes I mean, there is no reason why they can't bring in Lady Death at some point And Deadpool. Even though they won't have her be Thanos' flame But she usually isn't against trading souls Then they can have Deadpool cockblock Thanos. I mean. I would watch a whole movie on that premise A wacky romantic comedy! just... cockblocking Thanos, who is definitely that ugly fratboy that Lady Death has no interest in everyone wants to cockblock Thanos. It'd be the feel-good hit of the summer. I mean. I would watch a whole movie on that premise A wacky romantic comedy! just... cockblocking Thanos, who is definitely that ugly fratboy that Lady Death has no interest in everyone wants to cockblock Thanos. It'd be the feel-good hit of the summer. "Why do you think I would want to deal with more dead people, it's like... a logistical nightmare" Besides, she can take the long view. Everyone dies eventually. "This person wasn't supposed to die for another 80 years, you've destroyed the balance" ...Multiple times, in some cases. *cough*Optimus*cough* OP would cockblock Thanos Ha! lol Side note, I just think it says some unflattering things about a villain when all their minions are THAT toadying and talk about 'em in that weirdly... worshipful? way. All culty and all. Agreed Greetings. Hello! Good evening, both of you! My mistake, one of you! I am pleased to not miss seeing the poor decisions of good meaning individuals. More realistic :< all Marvel characters do is make poor decisions. constantly Good people don't always make smart decisions just because they are kind 'Good' people notoriously make bad decisions, because it makes them feel better. Cough cough, Autobots. dangerous faces > Yeah, and 'bad' people notoriously make bad decisions because they have some stupid personal grudge they want to satisfy. Cough Megatron cough. And I make both kinds of bad decision, so does that make me a neutral person? I just think it means "emotionally satisfying" is completely orthogonal to "achieves your goals" True ... boy this was hard enough to watch the first time Of course Rocket knows about it AND NOW: shenanigans why an omnicidal madman gets ready to kill untold infinities Is it truly omnicidal, if he only wishes to kill 'half'? Semi-omnicidal? Oh he has "reasons", they're just too stupid for words I wonder what he did with species that were on the last of their kind? Actually I kind of want to know why he's in charge of an army in the first place. Does seem like a cause that shouldn't have so much of a following But, he only JUST started collecting the infinity stones. Before that it seems like his power WAS his army. He did have one a while ago, but Loki lost it Without all that he's just... some guy? Relatively big and tough, I guess, but who cares? I think he is supposed to be strong without the stones There isn't that much proof of it though If it's just physically strong, then--again, who cares? boring We do not have enough history to say for certain what resources he started out with. Maybe he adopted all of them We know he adopted at least two children, maybe he just... collects them or something And we do not know how long he has been collecting followers. One can amass an army from nothing, if they have enough time and drive. I guess; it just seems kind of bizarre. I'm rolling my eyes so hard right now. She has forgotten about her mother very quickly. It's not *that* nice of a knife. Trauma can make you forget things to survive That was kind of how I interpreted it, yeah. Repress and deny. I would not trust this man to pick up a parcel on time, let alone kill in a vital situation. Even easier for such a young child Oh, I like him. Out of curiosity, how many of us have seen Endgame? Not me. I have not. I've heard it's three hours long and I'm going to wait for, ahem, something I can watch at home and pause in the middle. It's not because I want to talk spoilers or anything, just curious It is very long I feel like they need to bring back intermissions if they're going to do that. Get the biggest popcorn/drink/whatever available . . . That is not stealth. Drax doesn't really "do" stealth "why" GEE I DUNNO subterfuge: a literally alien concept He's so full of shit. People cry out of relief, too. Or any strong emotion. He's such an aft That is a fun toy, though. So sad He can bend reality. There is no tension. Still sad because you know what is going to happen It's obnoxious to watch him pretending there is so he can play out his little ~dramas~ You have no idea what he might do to her now, and that is the truly sad part At least in the comics he deluded himself into putting on limits so he could be sexier for death. This is just dull. *high five* I feel like they were trying to make him more relatable, but... somehow the power of sexy is more understandable They were trying to make him more relatable? Sorry, who wants to relate to THAT? I think so, I mean, they tried to make a lot of the characters more relatable Would not destroying a stone that is one of the pillars of the universe have consequences? You'd think, right? But I don't remember that being brought up at any point Well, the soul stone is inactive so... maybe, maybe not It keeps just being "oh no we can't DESTROY it, we could use it!" But inactive might not be the same as destroyed, right? I think they are more a force for changing the laws of the universe than actually controlling it At least, in the comics it seems more that way At least, in the comics it seems more that way whoops okay I'm ducking out for the torture scene Good choice That is one way to solve the problem. That was it, right All done? Done. good, good "oh we're using made up names" Did Strange lose his teleportation ring? He could just leave, if he chooses. Heh. Maybe it only works short range? Maybe it only works on earth That sounds like a lie. And yet GOTG says that she is the last survivor of her race That's not how planets or anything works. Does he not have several stones that bypass these finite laws of the universe? He could create. He could just double all the resources Or teleport things to the places they are needed, his justification is a lie, he's just an asshole euuuurgh, the other torture scene brb Sloppy. what a loving father It's fine to sacrifice her own life to save all, but she cannot sacrifice her sister to the same end. Back So he killed much more than half of them? And crippled this one, just be be even more of a prick. This is the guy who thinks mass murder is the solution to every problem. Mass murder is the solution to several problems, but certainly not all of them. They almost accidentally murdered their allies I'd argue that at this point Thanos has "when all you have is a hammer"-ed himself into mass murder as a solution Exactly. "Oh, there's a famine? TIME TO KILL EVERYONE!" No one can be hungry if they are dead. Again though, there are at least two planets where it lead to one survivor Ha. better than none This seems like something he could have done earlier. Then they are bad at their jobs. Only one win scenario... Before their options narrowed so badly. Maybe the "one" is to make them feel desperate Give me the Ring, Frodo~ He may also be lying about the fourteen million. Maybe desperation is part of what leads to the success of multiple lines Convenient that he brought a sacrifice. I am so angry about this This seems like a great moment to shove him into the abyss. He may be too heavy for her to push. And, right? Is this supposed to make us feel sorry for him? Because it's failing. It makes me feel even more sorry for her Why does anyone like this character? Because he is entitled, and thinks he is a genius, when he is only selfish, and stupid. PRO TIP: Don't try to make us feel sorry for someone for whom genocide is a first step No idea, then again, I don't know anyone who does I don't think I've seen one positive word about him. Even, like, as a character Oh it's the sad music Poor Gamora. The comic book version is fun... being a large ham who literally wants to woo death and got cockblocked by Deadpool The nicest thing I can think to say is... well... at least he isn't trying to bone death in this a literal skeleton I prefer that idea but... at least it isn't into nec-romance Ha, nice. . . . I call shenanigans on this physics. maybe physics work differently here I think physics definitely works differently here. All this to protect one guy. Tactics also seems to work differently. One guy who was willing to sacrifice himself. Where is the air support? Surely they can muster more than two men? Humans can't fly naturally They can pilot machines. Nice. Wakanda should be full of flying machines. But, also, was that the bifrost? Can he... use that now? true I thought that was Heimdall's thing I'm sorry to be nitpicking, it just occurred to me And you'd think so, right? The axe allows him to use the bifrost. They said the hammer could use the power of the bifrost Ohhhh Oh, shut up! Unfortunately he is insane, regardless of what happened. I wish the filmmakers could get their hands off Thanos's dick for like two seconds. nobody's gonna be fuckin' grateful you murdered half of everyone you know His tiny, tiny one. I do like Starlord. ...Mostly. He is very resilliant, even without the magic. I feel like cutting his hand off would have been more expedient than trying to pull the gauntlet off, too. But then the movie would be over. Who cares! Cutting his head off would solve even more problems. Very true. Indeed. Hand first, then head. My god he's an idiot This was NOT the time Oh, you stupid, stupid fragger. Argh, I know, right? If he could have waited TWO MINUTES Bad decisions all around. He could have had ACTUAL revenge They could have started with those. Maybe they, uh....... take time to warm up? She had one job. And yes, saving her friends is important and all, but still. Okay, not that I don't like pithy comments, but it seems like they could have made better use of their surprise round Like that! Hopefully he is not storing any important organs there. I HOPE this is part of his plan. After his big talk earlier about how he wouldn't give up the stone to save them. It would have to be. Stark's presence must be part of the final win condition. Endgame: final phase of chess when you sacrifice important pieces for victory That alone says it is part of the plan Okay, fair. I hadn't considered this before, but maybe part of their attraction for each other is because they are connected by the stones Unicron's sake, why is he still talking? nobody caaaaaaaaaaaaares nobody likes you shut up forever He likes fellating his own ego. *GRUMBLE* I do wonder if this means it wouldn't have helped to have just. Started with that instead of trying to protect Vision Because he's the last person in the universe who he respects to have a say *enough to have a say This is why it is important to kill first, gloat after. Yep. No matter how tempting it is to do otherwise... Prioritize. awwww, he's SAD. Nobody cares! Cry more tears, you big disgusting grape. It shouldn't be allowed for characters to mourn over people they intentionally and willingly murdered Also, his 'instant' snap takes forever. It takes long enough for people to know they're dying. Like for Scarlet Witch it makes sense, because she actually did have to kill the willing Vision, Gamora fought for her life and he didn't have to do it Notice how none of his "equally likely to die" soldiers are shown dying? Very fair and impartial. He deserved that. He deserved to live, and lose them all for his failures. aw, noooo. :< I bawled at this part in the movies Good point. Good thing Stark handles his trauma well. And Thanos gets his sunrise that he does not deserve. With music that says we're supposed to get all sappy over it. While the rest of the galaxy fights over half the animals and resources left. Keep in mind he halved all living resources, so unless you can eat rocks... yeah, there isn't actually more resources now What a crock of drainage. Alright, light note to end on, because we need one. It's going to be more than half of everyone dying too. Wait The post credit scene There's aftercredits stuff And because I have zero interest in listening to Thanos's sad man music. Oh, yes! Small spoiler, don't wait for the post credit scene in endgame, there isn't one Oh, huh. Breaking the tradition, huh? Now the biggest question, is does the gauntlet count mechanical life forms as 'alive' enough to erase? I don't want people disappointed like I was His comment about ~sparing half of humanity~ made it sound like he was deliberately choosing who would live and die, at least on a species level. Hm, we don't see any erased by the click, but that doesn't mean that they aren't So I guess it would depend on whatever terrible opinions Thanos himself has. She called him Nick I had to explain that symbol to so many people after the movie ...okay, I'd shop here I need this shop same Okay, maybe not. A feel good way to end the evening. This is a movie that needed to end with mercy gas. Yes. Good night, everyone! Thank you for coming! I do not want to be carried home by a big strong man who will watch my movies for me. It makes it sound like you want Thanos to fart at the end Speak for yourself. And thank you for streaming! Night all Goodnight! Goodnight And as far as I'm concerned, he did. One long, continous one, from his first scene to his last. On that note, good night. They edited it out in post. But we know.

[kurlykayaker]

Reflection. 4-2-19

Tonight - marks the first day, that I have ever shared some deep, deep poetry with a room full of people I do not know; I did not know one single person in that room and I arrived to the location alone, unaccompanied by a friend. (Looking back, maybe a stupid idea? Haha) It was unplanned. I was studying there and decided to “just do it.” “Fuck it, I thought. What do I have to lose?”  And in some ways, in the back of my head, whenever we make some decisions, we have everything to lose. I entered that coffee shop - slightly moody, tired, and unmotivated to study; but the tones and vibes of the place always motivate me to study, to work harder - and to stay calm. I shared 3 poems total - one about the boy with Down Syndrome (on here), and two other trans related poems- both pretty intense (re: how you see me, and 11-7-2014).  I was nervous and I imagine that’s something I could get past if I wanted to keep sharing my poetry at events like this. I used to get very nervous just talking to people and giving speeches, but lots of college and time has weathered me well. I guess I thought sharing my poetry would feel liberating? That somehow, the deep dark intensity of what I’ve experienced in life would melt through the Earth and turn into something more beautiful?...As indicated by the question marks, I did not feel that. I did not feel that.   I stayed a bit awhile after reading, to listen to other people share.  I’m a big believer in courtesy and I think leaving right after I read would an act of selfishness.  Eventually, I did leave and a bucket full of feelings kind of washed over my semi-nervous being.  Guilt, an awkward surge of indulgent guilt and maybe shame?  For sharing such deep emotions - with power and eloquence- when most people don’t have to go through such things.  I asked myself, “Why did I impose these feelings on others?” A knee-jerk reflex. (Nerve root L3-L4, Quadriceps muscle).  Haha.  Seriously, though.  The only “safe” places for me to share such emotion is on an “anonymous” website like this, in a counselor’s office, sometimes on the phone with a family member,...and on night walks with myself and the presence of my father.  I guess it is no surprise that I feel an overwhelming amount of self-indulgence about a) sharing these emotions and also b) the intensity and depth of them. There’s been a lot of beauty that has come from writing pretty much everyday, but there’s also been a lot of tenderness, vulnerability - which I can handle.  Perhaps at some point, especially with trauma, we arrive to a point of pain?  In physical therapy, we talk about pain so much - nociceptive pain, phantom limb, musculoskeletal, referred - and we do talk about psychosomatic pain to some degree too.  Psychosomatic (which I don’t like this word usage) - possibly the hardest to “treat.” As my post yesterday was pretty heavy-dark-intense, very similar feelings of social isolation/being “alone” (in my context of the word) emanate from me tonight - sitting on my couch, short-clad, fan blowing - listening to calm music, taking some deep breaths. Have you ever cried dry tears?  Tears that come, but no fluid. Since being on testosterone, this is a common thing for me. It’s hard to explain. Often times, mid-way or multiple mid-ways, I get caught up in a Netflix series. I haven’t had a moment that like in the semester.  Partly, I am a) writing and working out more - (choosing more wholesome “well being” activities), but also I am b) really really enjoying my classes this semester -especially Chronic and Progressive (a neuro class) and pediatrics. Before deciding on PT school, I was between 3 professions - a) counselor b) a nurse and c) a physical therapist (in no particular order). I chose not to be a counselor, because I felt that working so closely with other people’s emotions would spark my own - in a negative aspect. I wouldn’t be able to keep myself safe emotionally and mentally.  Sometimes, I think I regret not being more open to the career?  It’s a mixed regret. After working in an ER for 5 years now, and seeing how *some* physicians treat nurses, I knew it wasn’t for me.  Once again, maybe I could have learned to go on autopilot - some?  <<I don’t think that’s possible for me.>> Haha (if you know me) Here we, are - option c.  I like that my future career affords me the ability to a) use science-based techniques and principles to help someone reach their goals - some of them very visible when they reach them b) moments to offer mental and emotional support (while not the crux of my job) and c) neurologically, an avenue for recovery, compensation, and prevention (there are terms we use in my neuro class).   It’s the fundamental science aspect of counseling - rehabilitating neuro patients; (Re- I firmly do believe that psychology is a science.)  A physical therapist is helping their brain literally make new synaptic connections. A PT is helping a patient believe in themselves - sometimes learning a completely new way to do something.  Sometimes, these goals can be met in relatively brief treatment sessions - sometimes, they takes weeks and weeks of long treatment sessions.  Regardless, I’m in and I’m devoted....and that brings me such inner motivation and joy to know that this could be so rewarding for me. (Re- my second full time clinical is in an inpatient neurological setting). When I was 13 years old- the semester after my dad passed, we had to write an English paper about “how if we could go back in time, how we would change something.”  It was like a creative paper based on past facts. I recall writing a paper about how I would have gone back in time, drove my parents’ car to my dad’s house, and got him to the hospital - for emergency care.  I remember rereading that paper as a high schooler and being amazed that little 13 year old Jordan understood - on a fucking deep level - what suicide was and how serious it was. When I was 15 years old, I thought I wanted to study English in college. My father had a Ph.D. in theology, my mother has a Master’s in Divinity and my stepdad does as well.  Smart fucking family, that loves words and God- basically. Haha.  I recall despising my English sophomore teacher; she was strict, she cut the room with her strained voice and constant frown.  We constantly had pop quizzes and she loved to remind us how hard it was to get a college scholarship unless we worked hard.  I felt the need to impress her?  Maybe?   We had to write a research paper our sophomore year; it was the first “research paper” we would do in our high school career.  I wanted to chose something that was interesting and meaningful to me, but at that time - I hated most science things.  What did I chose?  I wanted to write about Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) and their impact on teenagers who were suicidal (re: increased risk of suicide during first few months of taking).  I recall my crabby uptight teacher looking at me and my topic and saying, “Are you sure you want to do this?  That’s pretty heavy.” All I did was nod, and say, “Yes.”  I laugh at that 15 year old kid; despite my overly shy, diffident personality, I knew what I wanted when I wanted to do it.  My mother stands by the same statement.   I suppose the reason this came up organically for me, is because suicide is more common than we realize.  The number of patients that come into the ED with suicidal thoughts- is a lot to say the least- of all ages (as young as 9 years old and up to 80+).  And, I and you, don’t have to be a mental health counselor to help someone.  We don’t have to go through a Master’s / Ph.D. program and get a license to be a positive influence on someone. Forms of trauma -> Brain injuries, Spinal Cord Injuries, unexpected neurological illnesses that occur for the myriad of reasons we don’t completely understand yet. The weight, the gravity, the intensity, damn.  Then, THEN - teaching them how to stand up again, how to use the toilet in a new way, how to get dressed, how to walk with these weird ass crutches (aka Loftstrands), how to not give a shit when you’re out in public (easier said than done), helping them understand what’s going on pathophysiologically without being a fucking robot.... I picture my father holding my hand and telling me to keep going...   because it’s so weird to be this close to being done with PT school - 1 year left (mostly clinical) and still have moments of such emptiness.  I guess I thought the feelings of “being alone” and feeling empty wouldn’t be *as bad* or perhaps less intense?   .....My mother says, “it’s an ebb and a flow.”  This is the one phrase I like, because having kayaked the whitewater rivers of the Earth and rafted, I identify with it so much (there’s really a literal meaning). there’s been so much ebb my kayak barely floating on this dry river, running into rock upon rock, the bank of the river is many feet worth inward, because the river and i     haven’t seen rain / for so long, “flow, flow, what is flow again?”, my heart asks. flow shouldn’t have to equate to working my ass off to get an 87.5 on a neuro exam, flow - organic, raw, rooted flow in the world we call “life” should bring moments of downpour happiness, excitement, connection so much of artificial flow is motivating myself, someday hoping i can find flow outside myself #oldsoul-lostmillenial