#being terrified im going to chase people away with being me is exhausting
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midnightmisadventures · 1 year ago
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Had a dream where bff was dating Zeth....
but like maybe it wasnt zeth but it was. I went over to hangout and meet him and he was amazing, and i wanted to feel jealous but i was happy for bff. 
Bff was explaining that when they started dating she was confused as to literally why he liked her like she was like, he loves being active, running, biking, hiking, and she hates all those things but he was still into her and didnt care. And she was basically saying, hes so hot and nice and cool and out of her league but for some reason he still likes her. 
And i was like bff, youre great don’t worry about ti. But then i met him, and i was like omg he’s amazing. I wanna marry him lol not to be rude but.....i see where shes coming from. 
And he had a big truck, with a bike always attached to it. And he was really nice and gentlemen like to me. He was zeth. We would be riding in the truck and he was like speeding down the highway with the and open the door and stand up while driving like WOOOOOO and i was like omg! like it felt so dangerous but so fun and freeing. I think thats what i was a little jealous of, like he was just so cool and adventerous and i wasnt sure if bff appreciated that. 
Like we almost crashed sometimes and i was so nervous, but he always had control of it. He was so spontaneous lol
We went to dinner? or something and then after we were driving around before we had to drop bff off at dogs to work. And he was riding through his childhood neighborhood and explaining stuff. And then he was like i used to get ice cream right here and then we saw the truck and he did a 180 and tire skid turned around for us to park and get ice cream. 
It was like a ice cream/magic shop. And it was mobile but you could go inside and order and sit. Like a small little room. And we went, and again he was being really sweet and offered to pay for both of us. And he went to the bathroom and bff and i were sitting there and all of a sudden. RON is there with friends, and he can clearly see us, its a small room but its so awkward, and i was like he he its kinda cool being here with zeth like idk he gives off cool vibes. I was also thinking “would this have the same effect if it was Liam hm” but i wasnt sure if ron had already seen liam and he wouldnt be a “new face” 
But i was picturing if Liam and i were on double dates with bff and zeth like that would be fun right? But i tried not to think about it cause it the dream it seemed far fetched that Liam and i would ever actually date. 
Then fucking alpha was there?? it felt like so many people from our past was in this tiny ass ice cream shop and bff and i kept making jokes like wooo its so hot in here, like geesh theres so many peoppleeeee 
Anyways, we paid and left and when we went out it was sooo dark and scary and there was a guy lurking and being creepy and weird. So zeth was like hold on, im gonna go check this guy out. So he grabbed his bike off his car and was trying to lure him away from us but also get a closer look. 
And bff was like “stay here, he’s gonna check if he’s a bad guy” like trying to explain to me what he’s doing like im stupid but also just so she could brag about the fact that he was so protective and strong oooo, he does this all the time for her oooo. And i was like OKAY i get it, your boyfriends perfect, and fun, and protective of women and thats hot. lmao 
But things got out of hand because people started chasing us, and i couldnt find the truck. We all got separated, and suddenly i was running and terrified. But we were on the steepest incline grassy hill. So trying to avoid the creepy guy was exhausting because i was trying to run away from people i thought was bad but it was up and down and up and down the steepest hill. In the darkness, literally gripping the grass to keep from falling when it was completely vertical at times. 
Insane.
We made it out and was safe and everything
Thats pretty much it...,
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lux-scriptum · 6 years ago
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hmm
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kumzume · 4 years ago
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control ft. tsukishima kei
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wc. 1.5k words (and it’s still ass??? a crime)
warnings. SMUT, bad writing lmao, blowjob, whiny kei, (male) masturbation, caught(??) masturbating if you squint, also abrupt ending, way too much exposition, not enough hornknee
an. writing this was like pulling teeth and it is BAD 😀 i am having a writing crisis & this is just the nail in the coffin LMAO anyways this is for @bokuhub (we talked abt it on my main blog but im so sorry ajdhks maybe i’ll write something better later <3)
kei hates feeling out of control.
it’s the reason he’s kept the same circle of friends for the past 5 years, same reason he hasn’t changed his favorite dessert order for even longer than that, and the same reason he is terrified to let you breach the wall between friends and more.
it isn’t that he doesn’t trust you—he does, with his life—but you make him feel things he’s never felt before. kei has had crushes before and he knows that this isn’t that. never in his life has he been so willing to try new things, to meet new people, to give up the control he so desperately needs and it scares him.
he’s scared to become vulnerable and open himself up to rejection or even worse, the loss of your friendship.
so, he ignores it. he pushes down his feelings of almost-but-not-fully-love for you in favor of being close to you.
the closeness, unfortunately, is also a major problem.
growing up, kei had very few friends and even fewer romantic prospects due to his callous attitude and piercing words. he’s only been kissed twice and both of those were with yamaguchi (they were thoroughly unenjoyable kisses, the both of them being 13 and never having kissed anyone else before) but he isn’t exactly ashamed of his status as an unexperienced adult virgin. it just doesn’t help his attraction to you in the slightest.
he realized early on in your “relationship” that you are very affectionate. tight hugs, forehead kisses, holding hands, and cuddling on the couch while watching movies were all normal things for you to initiate with kei on any given day. and on any given day, he would dart out of your hold with a blush on his face and a half assed excuse with a large hand covering his crotch.
he didn’t mean to get hard. it’s just, you were you, gorgeous, kind, and funny and when your soft, small hand (oh god, your hand is so much smaller than his; he wonders how it would look wrapped around his cock) finds its way in his, it’s like his body doesn’t know how to respond so it sends copious amounts of blood to his head and to his crotch.
it’s embarrassing and uncomfortable but you never seem to mind, giggling behind your hand as he darts off to fuck his fist in your bathroom for the third time this week.
this happens to be one of those times, all these thoughts clouding his mind as he stands hunched over your toilet, thrusting into the tight ring of his hand like his life depends on it. all you had done was laugh and he felt himself thicken in his boxers.
kei shakes his head, his blond strands sticking to the sweat on his forehead as he chases his high in the comfort of his hands. kei hates thinking of the way you affect him so easily, his touch-starved body craving you like an animal craves water. but he just can’t help it. thinking of you standing outside the bathroom, listening to his self pleasure and touching yourself or even better, waiting to burst in and look down on him in disgust. it’s that thought that pushes him over the edge, his whole body tensing as he paints rope after rope of cum on the porcelain seat.
kei quickly flushes the evidence of his crime down the toilet before going to wash his hands in your sink. he can hardly look at himself in the mirror, the guilt eating up his spine. is he really that desperate that he can’t hold off masturbating until he goes home? yes. the answer is yes.
he sighs and leaves the bathroom only to run right into you just outside the door. his heart rate picks up in his chest as you look him over with a sweet smile on your face, your eyes lingering on his flushed cheeks.
did you know what he had done? were you going to curse at him? kick him out? or—
“cmon kei, you were in there for forever! we need to study, stupid.” he releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding as he follows you into your bedroom, watching as you plop down on your bed and lie down on your back. your shirt rides up on your torso, giving tsukishima a good view of your soft skin and fuck, he feels himself getting hard again.
luckily, you don’t seem to notice his reaction, your eyes trained on your ceiling as a contemplative look crosses your face. “i heard you, yknow,” you say, your tone light but kei can hear an undercurrent of accusation in your words. he freezes, his golden eyes darting towards to door, calculating how much time it would take for him to bolt out the door and into his car to never see you again and—
“i didn’t mind it. your moans are pretty,” you continue, your eyes finally resting on the man in question who looks about ready to sink into the floor.
oh. oh.
kei can hardly think, let alone speak as you rise off your bed and make your way towards him, your eyes holding a glint of something he’s never seen from you before. it only takes a few strides before you’re right in front of him, gazing up into his frames through your lashes as though you’re the embarrassed one.
one of your (small) hands makes its way to hold his face and he feels like he might die, his heart is beating so fast. you give him a small sweet smile that is in direct contrast to your other hand trailing down his body to rest on his belt buckle.
if kei wasn’t hard before, he definitely is now.
you don’t move your hand from its place on his pants as your eyes focus on his bright pink face and plush bottom lip worrying in between his straight white teeth. he looks terrified and you find it in yourself to feel a little bit bad about what you’re about to do.
“kei honey?” all you get in response is a high whimper from the back of his throat and judging by the way his eyes widen and his cheeks burn even brighter, you figure that reaction wasn’t quite anticipated. you can’t help the grin that spreads across your face as your thumb reaches to pull his lip from in between his teeth, the appendage stroking over the soft, bitten skin there.
you don’t consider yourself easily surprised but when kei pulls your thumb into your mouth, sucking on it while gently laving his tongue around it, you feel your knees weaken as a wave of slick paints your underwear. “oh baby... you want me to ruin you, don’t you?”
oh fuck.
kei did want that, more than you could ever know but due to the finger in his mouth and his pounding heart, he found himself unable to answer with anything but a nearly imperceptible nod. thankfully, you saw it and are more than willing to give him what he wants.
carefully, you lead him to your bed, the hand on his belt tugging him until he’s lying back on your covers, gazing at you as though you’re the only person in the world. you feel your heart clench a little at the implications in his eyes but you quickly ignore it to focus on unbuckling his belt.
he’s hard and leaking through his boxers when you finally remove his pants, a quivering sigh leaving his mouth at the cold air hitting the dampness above his tip. when you manage to tear your eyes away from his big (holy shit, was he always that big??) cock and onto his face, the look he gives you has your clit throbbing.
“yn,” kei whines, high and breathy. “p-please touch me- ah, ah, fuck!” his words (and thoughts) are entirely cut off by the sensation of your warm, wet mouth engulfing his dick. he’s so big, you can only take him halfway but what you can’t take down your throat, you pump with your hand.
a litany of curses and moans slip from his lips as you pull up off of him to suck on the sensitive head before taking him all the way back to the hilt. one of his hands jerks to your head to grab a hold of your hair. “holy shit, i-i think i’m going to—yn-“
with only that as a warning, thick cum spills into your mouth, so much that you nearly choke before pulling off of him and stroking him through his orgasm. it takes him a moment to stop cumming, his chest heaving with the intensity of his high.
once you’re sure he’s done, you crawl up the bed until you’re lying next to kei, one of your hands finding it’s way into his hair. his eyes flutter shut at the gesture while he leans into your touch, not realizing how exhausted he is.
with a kiss to the forehead, kei falls asleep, entirely out of control and entirely in love.
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dear--charlie · 4 years ago
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Dear Charlie,
Hi Charlie,
I don’t even know what to say. I guess nothing changes. Maybe my brain has become more aware but I still haven’t changed. I am still alone and have no self-esteem or power to change myself or my life. I’m the same girl who wrote to you when I was 14, 15, 16 ect. Except now im 22 and the pain of my wasted youth/life and seeing time slip away everyday has turned into a dull aching pain that has only been compartmentalized to the extent it has because ive been so numbed out on meds. After coming off them for the first time in 9 years (big fucking mistake) my mind is a mess. What is life when the whole thing has been one big thing to survive. Thats what life is, something to survive. As much as I am thankful to fantasies for getting me through, im now digested by it. I’ve never even kissed someone. I have no confidence and have always hated how I look. Im used to having no control but right now it feels scary. Thats why I left school. When im not on the meds, I feel like im going to day because I cant escape. Thats all I know how to do. Im going to go back on. I don’t give a shit about being exhausted all day or any other side effects I want to be numb forever. Thats the only way to survive.
I will be chasing love I will never get, I’m a fucking masochist of life. I obsess over people who cant give me what I want and I long for shit that’s not real. My life is a lie. Life is a lie. All I do is lie. Even after disconnecting myself from my brain over the last few years, what has really changed Absolutely nothing. I don’t think I would ever want to go experience the pain I felt in high school because that was terrifying and bloody and I trusted myself least of all. However, I think there was still some genuine dreams and things I thought could happen and be real. At least I had a fucking identity in being a teenage girl. Every moment was painful but it was real. I’ve always been burnt out but Ive become beyond used to it. Like im trying to prepare myself for this forever, which repulses me. I have nothing in me to change it though. The pain and abuse and past is too much, it wont let go of me and I cant let go of it. As much as I am so grateful for the meds I also don’t know if im really me on them. Then again, I have 0 fucking idea who I am and am not sure Ive ever known. What do you do when all you’ve known, your entire life, has been running and that deep physical pain running through your nerves when you fight tears, and being told you don’t matter and your thoughts don’t matter and what you want doesn’t matter. I want to know someone like me. Who hasn’t lived a real life. Who’s youth has been the ashes of my potential. What do you do when you’ve never tried things because you don’t think you can. What do you do when regret has ruined you and made you a bitter cannon of blood and bones. Im tired of telling myself that its good I haven’t experienced anything romantic ever because it has allowed me to avoid that kind of hurt. 8 year old fantasies, 17 year old fantasies and 22 year old fantasies are all the same. The things I wish could have happened aren’t dulled, they haven’t changed, and I don’t think they can, they cant. There is no saving and no savior. Its just survival, always have been always will be. Im tired of my friends and im tired that so many of them don’t even know what pain is and what surviving is. They don’t question things and experience normalcy daily. I know normalcy doesn’t exist but there’s levels to everything. Im mad at them. Im mad at everyone. I hate everyone for not loving me like I love them. All I do is wait for you to be here so I can see you but you don’t care because you have a life. I don’t. How am I supposed to when life is survival. Im so tired. Im so tired. Im so fucked. Im so fucked up.
I love you and I really fucking miss you. Wish we could go back.
Sincerely,
girl under the magnolia blossom tree. They fall down so quickly don’t they?
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henrycavell · 4 years ago
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Hi. So how about a story where Henry or one of his characters (your choose) comes home to find his S/o (reader) bent over the oven door, ass in the air, as she scrubs the oven clean. Her head inside the oven, trying to see what she is doing and her torso twisted at an odd angle . He hears her grunting and groaning and cursing cuz it’s so nasty and caked on.
Okay, so I've been in a Marshall kick and he probably wasn't the first character to come to mind when you sent me this prompt, but he's the one I'm going with, haha! Also, sorry this took forever. Literally. Also I loved writing this and kind of want to make a series out of it omgg.
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Pairing: Marshall x Reader
Warnings: uh i leave you hanging right when the smut is gonna happen so sorry about that use yalls imaginations im tired today bahahaha i was in a writing mood but not in a mood to write smutt so i apologize if thats entirely what you were looking for!!! also i did not really edit this, i gave it a quick proof read and that was it, enjoy babyyyy
Word count: 1.4k
Marshall had been a little aggravated by your pushiness. He wasn't used to having a woman coming on to him and rather, he didn't much chase women either. After going through his divorce, he had decided to focus on his daughter and his career, deciding love just wasn't in the cards for him. And that had seemed true for a few years until you came along. He often wondered if you just felt sorry for him, if you were just looking at him like a pathetic, lonely man, nothing more than just someone to gift your time to. And for that reason, Marshall had walled himself off from you, sure that you were just going to walk out of his life just as quickly as you had barged in. 
But you were persistent. You had started with bringing him coffee to the precinct and that was already bad enough because it got people talking. Other officers had started asking Marshall if he was having lunch delivered too, and every time it brought a red, burning hot blush to his face. He didn't like it. He wanted to tell you off, ask what your problem was, but he never did. Something always kept him from blowing up on you. 
You had started sending him text messages more often, too. Little ones, just 'Hey, how was your day?' and 'Good night.' It wasn't like Marshall to hold a conversation through text, you were lucky to even get a reply, but you kept at it anyway, not liking the air about the man. Marshall always seemed so lonely, sad and you just wanted to help. You thought you had started to get through to him when he had finally invited you over. It wasn't the cleanest place, but you hadn't expected it to be. He was a single man living alone and while that wasn't an excuse, you knew he probably didn't have the energy in his downtime. 
Downtime, as if he had any of that. 
Even now, you stood alone in the hallway of Marshall's home, looking into his office at the spiderweb of photos and news clippings that were stuck to the wall. He was always working. Sometimes you even brought dinner over to him, late in the evening when you knew he'd gotten off after a double shift and wouldn't have the energy to cook for himself. Marshall had started to warm up to you and that was how you'd gotten a key to his home. 
This was your first time being alone inside, however, and it felt heavy. Like even though the detective wasn't here, the heavy feeling of what he carried still remained. You turned your attention to the kitchen, reminding yourself why you were here. The man's house wasn't clean by any standard and no one deserved to live with such a mess around them. You had already made your way through the rooms, throwing out food containers and cups, picking up any dirty dishes that were scattered around. And now the kitchen needed your focus.
It felt like hours had passed since you cleaned out the fridge and cabinets and now the stove was your next target. Opening the oven, you got down on your knees next to the open door and peered inside at the grime and gunk that was burned and caked-on inside. You felt your shoulders tense, your lip curls up in a snarl as you winced at the filth. Exhaustion was already overcoming you, but the rest of his house was clean and now this was the last thing you had on your list. The only thing that kept you going was the hope of seeing a smile on Marshall's face for the first time.
Grabbing your sponge and cleaning solution, you lightly let a knee rest on the oven door, your other foot still planted firmly on the kitchen floor as you arched your back and leaned into the oven. Grumbles and curses fell off of your tongue as your elbow ached from scrubbing at the oven wall, your nose wrinkling from the charred smell. Inside the oven, it had dampened your hearing, muffling the sound of the front door open opening and closing. You had twisted your torso to the left, at an awkward angle as you tried to get your hand into the far back corner of the oven, wanting the whole thing practically shining before you'd be done with it.
Marshall stepped into the kitchen, expecting to find you somewhere from your car being parked out front, but he hadn't been prepared to find you like this. The leggings you had worn, only to be comfortable while you worked, were stretched tight across your round ass and Marshall wondered if you were swaying your hips like that intentionally, or if it was just a coincidence as you tried to clean. The sight caused his jeans to feel a bit tighter, caused his heart to race just a little faster. His eyes were ripped away from your bottom when another f-bomb fell from your lips. A chuckle fell from his lips and he brought a hand up to his jaw, stroking the growing beard that decorated his chin. He hadn’t meant to just stare, but he was.
The sudden noise startled you, Marshall's footsteps having been oddly quiet, causing you to gasp and jerk up, hitting your head on the top of the oven. You heard Marshall's breath catch in the back of his throat and before you could fully crawl back out of the oven and rub the top of your head, he was already at your side, one arm wrapping around your waist and the other gently applying a bit of pressure to your skull. 
"Didn't mean to scare you," he frowned, his shoulders slouching as he pulled you up to your feet, his hand still resting on your lower back. His hand felt like a weight, yet still sent a little shiver up your spine as you moved to stand just a bit closer to him, your body gently pressing up against his. 
"You didn't... I mean... it's okay," you laughed, your face blushing a bright pink, worried you might've embarrassed yourself. 
"What are you doing, by the way?" Marshall's mouth set into a straight line, his brow pulling down as he looked around the kitchen. It hadn't gone over his head that she'd cleaned his whole house, but he hadn't quite understood why. Things tended to go right over his head and even now as you pressed your body against his, any attempt to feel his touch, even more, he seemed oblivious. 
"I just..." You weren't trying to admit that you just wanted to help him, not wanting to get into the conversation about how you did feel bad for him. Being alone all the time, with nothing but his thoughts and his work and occasionally getting to see his daughter. But you knew how that would sound and you didn't want him thinking he was just a charity case. Every time you stare at Marshall you realize you forget to breathe and you spend most of your time away from him wondering how he's doing, but you also didn't even know where to begin with explaining any of that to him. "Just because," you decided to leave it at that. 
Something must have clicked in Marshall's mind because while you stood there, dumbfounded, trying to come up with an answer, Marshall's focus had been fixated on your lips. His arm was still wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him and he was so muscular, so large you thought there was nothing more that you could do besides stand there and be his prisoner. 
"Well, it was a nice view." 
His blue eyes fell to yours and without speaking, Marshall backed you up against the kitchen wall. His hand that had been applying pressure to where you smacked your head, now cradled your neck and his body was flush up against yours. You weren't sure what Marshall was feeling, but for you, a mix of anxiety and nervousness filled the room and you clung on to every second as you stared up at him, terrified before he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. 
"Guess you deserve some sort of thanks," Marshall breathed as he pulled away, your eyes falling to watch his tongue gently graze along his bottom lip. 
"Yes, I think I do."
@littlefreya @mary-ann84 @wondersofdreaming @forthebrokenheartedthings @geralt-of-baevia @asylummara @dearlybelovedluke @promptandpros @mansaaay @daddys-littlewhitegirl @vacant-writings @80scavill @kaatelyyynn @madbaddic7ed @iloveyouyen @henrythickcavill @hell1129-blog
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hanadolphieron · 4 years ago
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lunar artist!yeojin; chapter four~
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warnings; space ships, flying in space, space battles, explosions, grenades, fighting, armies, exhaustion, bad dialogue sorry bout that, unconsciousness, prison
genre; sci-fi, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, angst
pairing; im yeojin x gender neutral!reader
word count; 2.1k
summary; your small crater town on the moon was rarely visited. one day, artist!yeojin travels all the way from mars to paint the serene, wistful scenery of your planet.
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you’re sweating at this point. hot, itchy perspiration runs down your neck, your arms, all over your body. you don’t care. all that matters now is escape. 
the gates to bexyim are close now. close enough that you can see the people crowding around inside them.
well, it’s not exactly a crowd. more like a small, distanced flock of humans scurrying around. they look terrified, like someone is about to snatch them up and take them away.
and, you notice, somebody just might. 
as you slow your pace to a walk, you catch sight of armored beings, covered in the silver regalia you know belongs to the lunar military.
they patrol through the city, daring people to challenge them.
you recall stories of the drafts that occurred when you were still a kid. your dad was fortunately not called, and your family was safe.
but others weren’t.
some poor mothers lost their whole family to the drafts, and some not only to those, but to the war.
and you’re seeing the aftermath of that right now. 
you emerge through the city gates, being scanned by the flashing lasers inside them, and see the tired faces of the people around you.
and you know the look of exhaustion isn’t just the natural downwards shape of lunar faces.
these people have lost their livelihood, the most important part of lunar life- their family.
all because of that dreadful, burning planet called mars.
you know the moon didn’t start this war.
the resource of your world are spread thin to begin with, there’s no way your government could have made a decision that bad.
i mean, they are politicians, and don’t make the best choices, but still, they would have known better than this.
you keep walking, breathing hard and loudly. you feel self conscious from all the stares being trained on your back, and look down, watching your feet.
a voice calls out to you, “y/n!”
you glance up, seeing your boss.
“oh, hello,” you respond softly.
“we’ve lost contact with you since the war started. where have you been?”
“i’ve actually been at my house. i had no idea there was a war going on!” you giggle, drifting into the shallow, polite persona you use with your company.
“well, we need you to be on the job. now. we’ve been losing journalists by the second, either to the drafts, deaths in the family, or just pure fear. we know you can handle the job.”
“the job?” you question.
“yes, we need someone to be at the frontlines, giving reports on how the battle is going.”
“aren’t there multiple war areas?” you don’t like the sound of this. i mean, go up to the frontlines? and report? who do they think you are?
“yes, you’ll be moving around throughout them. the first station is one to the south of mars, closest to where all the big battles are. we seem to be winning over there, only a ragtag group of soldiers is there, they’re all runaways or have some other thing going on. none of them are as disciplined as the rest of the army. their leader is though. she’s fierce. watch out for her.”
“okay,” you say, “where, where do i go?”
“come with me,” your boss says, leading you towards another street, “do you have anything with you?”
you walk fast to keep up with her pace, “i don’t actually! it was sort of a spontaneous trip here, i was trying to figure out what was going on,” you say, letting out another chuckle.
“there’ll be some supplies on the ship, i’m sure,” your employer easily responds.
out of the corner appears a launchpad. a small ship sits atop it. hopefully it’s just a transport, you don’t fee confident prancing up to the war in such a tiny vessel. 
you don’t feel confident going anywhere near the frontlines to begin with, but duty calls.
laylia, your boss, doesn’t even stop, continuing onto the ship. you follow, helpless. everything is moving so fast. 
“well, guess this is where we part. have fun y/n,” she calls, already leaving.
“yeah, uh, see you!” your voice barely makes it out, the door is already closing and air whistles around you, carrying you into the air.
you clutch the side of the ship, not used to the movement.
after you make it into the atmosphere and turn on the hyperdrive, you make you way to a seat and plonk down.
exhaustion overtakes you, and despite your nerves, you pass out on the chair.
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blaring red sirens awake you a few hours later and you sit up way too fast, making your eyes have a seizure and fill up with colored parallelograms.
falling up into a standing positions, head still spinning, you look around.
you notice something in the side window. another ship. a marsian one.
gasping, you urgently glance around, searching for someone who knows what they’re doing and can hopefully help you.
everything begins to set in.
you could die. right now. right this very second. and what have you done with the time you’ve had?
someone grabs you by the shoulder and you’re jolted out of your thoughts.
“hey, you’re the journalist, right?” they ask you.
“yeah,” your voice shakes.
“come with me, we have to go,” the solider says, and seeing your nervous expression adds, “you won’t get hurt, i promise, we’ll protect you. i’ll protect you.”
the soldier continues to stare into your eyes.
who the heck is this kid? you think. are they really trying to flirt in the middle of a life-threatening situation? you shake your head, stepping forward and pushing them to move along.
the two of you run towards the doorway, which has somehow docked at an enemy ship.
an enemy ship?
hold the shuckadoddle frickety frack up. you can’t do this anymore. regretting everything, you tell yourself to stop, anxiety taking over your mind.
your legs don’t listen to your thoughts, and you keep running.
escaping and heading into danger because of impulsive decisions seems to be a constant theme in your life. hmm.
explosions fill your ears. you can’t see them, only the grey walls boxing you in the quiet metal ground disappearing under your feet.
your eyes are trained on the floor beneath you, but you somehow take in everything around you. peripheral vision seems to work double-time in emergencies.
soldiers rush forward in the other corridors, going the same direction as you.
they’re just blurs, silver numbers moving as a group, dispensable and unimportant. 
the person leading you hasn’t given you a weapon. you’re defenseless. but hey, when have you ever not been? you have no idea how to use a gun.
adrenaline takes over. you’re the most confident you’ve ever been since that one time when you were little and your mom bought you high heels and you got to walk around the house like a venusian model.
the memory makes you sad. you haven’t seen your mother in years. you might not ever see her again. 
regret flashes through your mind.
you push it away.
the explosions are near. you hear them before you see them.
thundering, blasting booms echo through your eardrums, becoming the only thing you can hear.
next, you see them.
smoke wafts toward you, mixed with sparks.
then before you can register it, a crash erupts and orange fire comes streaking towards you.
the soldier pulls you down behind a doorway, and the fire goes past.
they move as soon as the fire goes past.
“come on, we have to hurry!”
you can barely hear them over your own fear. it’s the only thing going through your mind.
you chase after the soldier, probably running to your doom but who cares at this point. you have nowhere else to go.
you reach the hanger, where the battle is commencing. sliding to a stop behind a crate, you catch your breath, heaving, almost spitting all over the solider.
they seem to be in a better state than you. stupid trained military.
“turn on your comm,” the soldier speaks to you. 
“how?”
they reach over and push a button.
“talk. report something.”
“uhm. ok,” oh dear how are you going to do this.
still breathing hard, you pant into the microphone, “we’re in the main hanger of ship 456,” you read off the crate you’re slouched against, “lunar reinforcements are coming in by the second. we seem to be in the lead, our troops are hiding behind crates and have shelter. ships are blowing up from explosions thrown at the other side,” you pause, catching your breath, you’re speed-talking into the microphone.
remembering what your boss said, you say, “the general doesn’t seem to be here. just a rag-tag army of shorties. let’s go luna!”
turning off the comm, you belch a sigh. 
then your world turns upside down. a sound like a sonic boom pushes at your eardrums. your vision goes green and purple for a second. you black out.
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yeojin almost falls again. laughing you shriek at her, “yeojin! this is the fortieth time! get yourself together!” the last part comes out in a purposefully strangled voice, one you use whenever you’re yelling but don’t want to yell because you’re not mad, just overly excited.
she trips over her ice skates, cackling over your words. you barely catch her this time, arms weak with happiness.
you pull her up, holding her close to you. she’s touching your arms, holding onto them, leaning in closer, looking as happy as can be.
but something isn’t right. 
you feel nervous. 
something’s coming.
yeojin’s face falls, and your sight shifts.
you’re dreaming. yeojin isn’t here. 
eyes opening, you shudder and flinch with the harsh reality of waking up. you’re not safe. you have to run.
making a start, trying to get away from a place you haven’t even looked at, you’re caught by restraints.
finally registering your location, you realize where you are.
in a prison cell.
panicking harder now, you push against the cuffs clasped around your wrists and ankles.
you’re breathing hard, but if feels like you’ve been holding your breath, submerged under water.
you’re drowning.
thoughts fill your mind. you can’t look at them, pushing them away, the only emotion in your system is fear. it’s propelling you. the only thing keeping you going. you need it.
sharp exhales fill the room. you don’t realize it’s you.
a deep voice, that special kind of scary government-esque voice that means serious trouble, breaks through, “hey!”
cutting through your mind like a knife, your mind shifts to the right side of the room where the voice is coming from, hyperfocusing on all the details.
white light comes from the ceiling. it reflects off of the metal walls, the same color as the ones you ran through before. it feels like it’s been days since then. maybe it has.
the person who possesses the voice moves toward you, quickly and with purpose. their shoes clack across the black floor. 
they move past the other holding devices, ones that look exactly like the one you’re in- upright but titled at an angle, putting the prisoner in an awkward vulnerable position, cuffs around the ends, a cold feel of despair and fear crawling on them like slime.
other soldiers flood through the door. two of them. they follow the first one.
the three officials stand in front of you. silent. 
then they start whispering to each other. you don’t say anything. can’t actually, your voice box has gone unresponsive and clogged.
turning to you, the one seemingly in charge, barks, “what do you know about ha sooyoung?”
you freeze for a moment. you have no idea who that name belongs to.
“i- i don’t know,” you breath out.
“what?” the man steps closer to you, getting in your face.
“i don’t know!” you say louder this time, voice hitch.
“really? why are you here then?” the man doesn’t move away. you can smell his breath. peppermints, smoke, and death.
“i’m a reporter,” you say, clearer this time. hopefully there isn’t any harm in saying that. ratting out your country is the last thing you want to do.
“well then you must know all about her,” the officer stresses the all, moving closer.
you’re shaking at this point.
“i promise i don’t. i haven’t been to any major city in years. i- i don’t know anything. nothing.”
“i don’t believe you. no way you’re telling the truth. you sound too suspicious. not even knowing about ha sooyoung? your own general? impossible. kerek, get out the electrifier.”
“wait! no! please!” you scream without even registering your words. electrifier? this has to be a dream. you’re not going to be tortured. no. this can’t be happening. you can’t do this.
kerek, one of the man’s accomplices, moves to the edge of the room, retrieving the device. 
then he stops. a noise comes from the right side of the room where the door is.
someone opened it. they’re now standing in the doorway.
they move forward into the light, illuminating their small figure.
you can’t believe your eyes.
it’s yeojin.
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masterlist - previous - next
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duhliriouss · 5 years ago
Text
Gotham’s Little Prince:
Part One
A Request For: @jokers-doll Here you go Doll, I hope you like this first part :)
Summary: Y/N finds out she’s pregnant with Joker’s baby. Terrified of how he will react, she hides the evidence until she can muster up the courage to tell him.
A/N: Buckle up because this is more than just a story of reader telling Joker she’s pregnant. There’s aftermath, protection and a beautiful birth❣️this was supposed to be a one shot but I got carried away like always 🖤
Beta Reader: @arthur-flecks-lovely-smile thank you again! Im so glad I found you ❣️ The perfect Beta Reader. Everyone should check out her work too, it’s amazing and it inspires me :)
Word Count: 2,934
Warnings: Mentions of Sex, Swearing, Pregnancy, Mentions of Violence
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You were tired, exhausted actually. After Joker had overthrown Gotham, you have both worked tirelessly day in and day out to get where you have gotten in this very moment.
And there you were - standing outside on the balcony of Wayne’s Manor, with your hands on the railings looking out over the trees at the cities buildings that stood tall in the distance. Even though it was right outside the city, it was the perfect place for a king and his queen. This is where you and Joker lived now after hearing of the Wayne families death, and a luxury it was. How ironic it had been that you both had everything you could possibly ever dream of; a warm bath in a marble tub that blended with the white marble floors, grapes picked right off the vine for you and Joker to share after a long day, aged wine worth hundreds, a magnificent California king size bed with a canopy of dark red drapes cascading down the frames. Everything, everything except the daily doses of Gotham’s chaos. It was too peaceful here for you and your king sometimes. 
So that is why you stood where you were in this moment, Joker and Your’s favorite spot, the only spot in the manor to be able to still see the tall structures as they inundated with the smoke that rose from Gotham’s streets.
You usually accompanied Joker during his daily tasks and crimes. He’s been a busy man since this all started, usually making sure his followers were keeping guard around the entire city’s borders.
No one comes in... and nobody leaves.
But you have stayed behind this past week and a half, you weren’t feeling well. You blamed it on your upcoming period since you tended to belong to the unlucky kind of woman who couldn’t even get out of bed during their cycle. Though your period never came, and you have grown worried. Joker has been very stressed recently so you haven’t dared to talk to him about your own distresses and concerns.
It was unlike you to keep things from Joker. You first met when you were walking home from work one day. You saw a clown dancing happily to piano music on the street with a sign reading “EVERYTHING MUST GO”. You watched him as you came closer only to find a group of punks stealing his sign and running away with it. You quickened your steps and followed as the clown chased after the teenagers. After a couple blocks you thought you had lost sight of his bright colored getup. Ready to give up, you went to turn around until you saw him laying almost lifeless down the ally in front of you. You saw no sight of the punks so you started to run until you were close enough to kneel down by the clown. You helped him up and brushed off the asphalt that stuck to his clothes.... and the rest has been history.
You sighed deeply, still flicking your (y/e/c) eyes to the buildings in the distance. You held your tummy as your mind rambled anxiously. You knew it was possible you could be pregnant. Joker wasn’t one to care for protection or pulling out. And neither were you for that matter. The sensation was just too staggering to give a shit. You were both so impulsive, you were perfect for each other.
As you looked out your mind continued to ramble with thought after thought. Joker was out there in between those buildings somewhere. You were planning on going out to get a pregnancy test without being seen by anybody. This would be a difficult task since everyone knew who you were, everyone knew you were Joker’s Queen.
You took one last sigh before turning on your heels to go back inside. You scurried down the hallways and corridors to your bedroom to change your clothes into something that would make you less noticeable. After a couple minutes of searching you found a oversized black coat that had probably belonged to Thomas Wayne. You also picked out some black jeans you owned. You quickly got dressed and took a look in the mirror, taking your (y/h/c) hair and pulling it behind your head to tuck it in the back of the coat. You then reached over and grabbed a clown mask, setting it over your face before pulling up the hoodie over your head. You felt confident that you could get away with this look and blend in.
And with that you were off, leaving the building with ease without being seen by any of the “guards” that Joker had stationed around your new home. You were allowed to leave whenever you wanted but you didn’t want to chance any of them telling Joker you had left. You had imagined beforehand what it would be like; Coming home early only to find one of his henchman tattling to him before he could even reach the main doors. Revealing to him how you were spotted leaving, without a return. You knew he would be very concerned for your wellbeing. You’d rather just come clean now than have to make Joker go through such affliction.
Your walk was longer than usual since you stayed in the shadows. You took allies that weren’t occupied and kept your head down as protesters and rallies passed. You entered the first convenient store you saw. You didn’t have to buy anything right now In this city as the mayhem was at its peak recently. No one was working since it was too dangerous. Almost all stores had smashes in the window and most people looted as they pleased. You walked straight in through the window and found the feminine section fairly quickly. You took what you needed and left and fast as you came.
You were home safe without being noticed by a soul. You peeled the clothes off putting them back where you found it and changed back into your dark blue polka dot flare dress. You walked straight to a bathroom that usually wasn’t used by Joker and Yourself. You lifted your dress and sat down, staring down at the box that contained the test. You felt unsure now.
Did you really want to know right now? What if it’s positive? How will your beloved Joker react?
Your heart started to pound in your ears as these new thoughts rose throughout you. You couldn’t see this being a positive outcome. You really didn’t want to see Joker mad. He was so unpredictable with his emotions that sometimes you didn’t even know if you knew him. He’s not Arthur anymore. However, Joker was still very tender towards you. Warm and gentle for the most part. But you also knew certain things caused him to lash out. You actually loved how unpredictable he was at times. It made everything new and exciting. But right now you were seeing how this could be a not so great and not so thrilling thing.
You were feeling dizzy now. Your mind going a mile a minute, you tried to get your breathing under control.
“You can do this. Joker will still love you no matter what. Just take the test.” You consoled softly to yourself.
You took a few more deep breaths before opening the box. 1980’s pregnancy tests were test tubes that took 2 hours before showing results. So you were in for a very tense wait. And a nervous one at that since you were never sure when Joker was going to be home. You did everything you were supposed to do. You shook the urine in the test tube and placed it behind the toilet on the floor for no one to see. You took the box and crinkled it up inside out, discarding it deep in the trash. Now all there was to do was wait. And it WAS a very tense wait. You made a mental note to keep your eye on the clock for when it was ready to check.
You tried to keep your mind off of it by watching tv, a fail. You paced the halls over and over with your hands clenched behind your back. You even went outside to get fresh air and smell the roses that had begun to wilt outside. You were running out of ideas to ease this edge. And oh so badly did you need a cigarette right now. You usually smoked almost as much as Joker but you haven’t dared the past few days. Joker actually noticed this the other day and questioned you to see if everything was alright. Only then did you stutter out an excuse by saying your throat was scratchy and it made it worse. And what a stupid excuse it was, initiating your guilt as he ran to make you herbal tea with tender kisses for the rest of the night.
You went back inside to check the clock.
30 minutes left
With a impatient huff, you went to go try and watch tv again In the bedroom. You walked down the hallway for what seemed like the 80th time today and turned to step into the bedroom. You gasped, jumping backward when you saw that Joker was standing right there. He saw that he’d startled you. He reached his arms out for you, a smirk evidently written on his face.
“My sweet darling girl, how I’ve missed you today”
You straightened yourself out and smiled sheepishly. He always made you a blushing mess. You skipped over and let yourself fall into his arms. He instantly scooped you up with ease, making you instinctively wrap your legs around him and letting your head fall over his shoulder. He wasn’t much taller than you but he still always managed to hold and carry you comfortably.
“I’ve missed you too. And you’re home so early.” You tried to hide the nervousness in your voice.
He started to draw circles on your back as he spoke. “A clown can only do so much crime my love. Besides, I thought I’d surprise you with something tonight since you haven’t been feeling well.” His voice cracked huskily.
Your body sunk heavier into him. You didn’t know your guilt could make you feel this culpable. You leaned back to look in Joker’s green orbs as he held you, putting on your best fake smile.
“What is it?”
“Stay here doll while I go get it for you, I left it in the kitchens”
Joker placed you down gently and began to make his way out the door, stopping at the door frame. He kept his gaze forward as he spoke. “Don’t move a muscle, I know how sneaky you can be, my little squirrel”
You smiled sheepishly one last time until he was out of site. Joker knew you all too well, seeing how you poked your head around the doorframe until he was out of site again. You were confident you had enough time to race down back to the bathrooms and check on your fate. The bathrooms were much closer than the kitchens. You couldn’t wait any longer. You took your first sharp right turn down another coordinator, making your way to the end before taking another sharp right which led off to the bathroom. As you took your last turn you stopped in your tracks instantly as you saw Joker standing right outside the bathroom doors talking to one of his female followers that helped keep guard around the building. You hid yourself around the corner and poked your head out slightly to listen. They didn’t notice you.
“Why are you showing me this? I don’t even know what that is”
“It’s a pregnancy test Sir, I don’t know who’s it is but it’s positive, just figured I’d show you before tossing it out”
You leaned your back fully against the wall around the corner now. Your hands found your mouth to muffle your sobs as tears poured down your cheeks. Not only did you just find out you were pregnant, but this was also not the way you wanted your Joker to find out. How was he going to react now, Keeping it from him like that?
Will he even still love me? he’s THE Joker. The infamous man that’s killed multiple under his own will. Why would a man like him want a baby with someone like me? Especially in such a disorderly world that we have created together. He’s going to make me leave this place. Probably force me to move somewhere else far away to somewhere safer. I’ll never see him again!
Your eyes were scrunched tightly closed. You let your hair fall messily around your face as you continued to muffle your sobs with your hands. You were so caught up in the shock you didn’t think to run away. And you didn’t notice Joker was standing right in front of you now.
“Y/N...”
Your breath caught in your throat. You slowly started to take your hands away from your mouth. You kept your head down with your arms stick straight by your sides, your hands balled up in little fists. You peaked your eyes up to look your destiny in the face. Your eyes began to dart around his face, desperate to find any emotion apparent on his features. But... nothing. You couldn’t see any emotion. His red painted lips displayed a thin line. His eyes showed emptiness, not even the green in his irises were visible.
Joker watched your eyes dart around him desperately. He knew it was your test. Why else would you be hiding around the corner in a complete dismantled mess? He cleared his throat and tried one more time.
“Y/N, answer me”
You finally let go and burst into tears. Covering your whole face with your hands and sobbing as you pleaded. “I’m so sorry!! I didn’t know either and I was just coming to check. I promise I was going to tell you today! I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m so sorry I left this place by myself and stole the test without telling you! I know I should have told you my worries sooner but... you’ve just been so stressed recently and so busy I didn’t want to bother you or stress you more. Please forgive me Joker! Please don’t make me leave this city! I love it too much now! I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what to do”
Your head stayed down as you sobbed and hyperventilated between each sentence as you cluttered. Joker watched you with his lips slightly parted without interrupting your break down. After you were finished, you continued to breath heavy and brought your hands up to wipe your tears with your balled fists. A couple seconds had passed without hearing a response from him, which caused you look up to see if he was even still there.
He was, but his features still looked emotionless to you. Maybe a little bit shocked? You opened up your mouth to speak again but was stopped short when Joker’s laughs began to fill the corridor, echoing down the halls. His face showed a semi wide grin as he laughed louder, placing his hand on his chest. He didn’t look mad, he also didn’t seem very sympathetic to you in this moment either. And it definitely wasn’t a laughing attack. It sounded like his real, true laugh. They started to die down into giggles as he wiped the tears from his face. This all hit you hard in the chest.
“I think I’ll go no—“
You were interrupted as Joker scooped you up in an immense hug. Swirling you around a couple times before stopping to sway you back and forth, drawing circles on your back like he did in your bedroom.
“My dear Y/N...You really are a sneaky little squirrel”
You couldn’t speak. Your mind bounced around to what the hell was going on. You felt comforted however as he held and swayed you before bringing his head back to look at you. None of this was what you were expecting.
“Look at me.” His voice was calm
You leaned back as he did and looked into eyes. You could see his green oceans now. And you could still see the tears in his eyes from laughing.
“My little squirrel, do you see these tears?”
“Yes...”
“They’re tears of joy darling, I would never be angry over something like this”
“Y-you’re really not mad?” You stuttered through your new found tears.
“Of course not.” He cooed in his high pitched voice. He began to walk forward until your back was against the cool wall, leveraging you as he still held you to free one of his hands, gently placing it over your tummy as he spoke more. “I put a prince in your belly”. He said it in a British accent, causing you to giggle.
“How do you know? It could be a princess!”
“I just have a feeling. But we shall see darling”
You couldn’t stop smiling now. And neither could joker. You started to feel a little silly for being so worried in the first place. You both cried happily as you brought your head into his chest, taking in his scent that smelled like cigarettes, mint, and blood. Joker took his hand off your tummy and brought you closer, placing his hand in your hair now to slightly stroke the (y/h/c) strands.
“Is that why you haven’t been smoking?”
“Yeah..” you replied innocently
“So sneaky...”
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pdropscal · 5 years ago
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Chapter I: Finding Her
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“Even if I do find my parents, the only person whose daughter I am is yours”
Din Djarin x Daughter 
Din gripped his controls tighter and let out a deep sigh, trying not to let her hear it. They were close to Naboo and he wanted nothing more than to turn back. The man who always finished his missions wanted to abandon this one completely.
This is the way, He kept having to repeat it in his head. 
He lowered the ship trying to be as far away from the capital as possible, wanting to delay losing her a little bit longer. That’s when he heard footsteps behind him. He flicked off the controls and swung around in his chair. “I don’t think this is a good id-” he stopped when he saw The Child there gazing up at him. “You’re not your sister”.
“I bet he wishes he was” she walked into the control room picking up the child, “But he’s still stuck with you for a while, isn’t that right?” she teased his green ear.
Din stood out of his chair and approached his daughter. She was tall but still had to look up at him, a trait he secretly always hoped she’d always have. He went to finish what he was originally saying but she raised her hand to stop him. She couldn’t see his lips begin to move but she knew him well enough to read his head movements.
“I know you don’t like it, but it’s the right thing to do dad”. She looked up at the Mandalorian wide eyed and silent before continuing. “This is the” 
“This is the way” her father joined her to finish the oath.
She placed the child back on the ground next to them and turned to go and grab her bag. Din looked down at him and didn’t say a word, but the child got the hint. Don’t go anywhere. I will be right back. Don’t touch anything.
He followed his daughter out the door and raced her to pick up her supplies and journeyed out of the ship. She laughed at his passive aggressiveness, it meant he was getting nervous. She picked up her pace to get next to him. They walked closer to the capital seeing the greenery and the castles, the busy city around them. Both of them a little shocked. Din held his awe completely hidden under his helmet. She had to stop and look up. 
He turned when he didn’t feel her next to him and gazed at her. His mind went blank before words faded in from memory. Clan. Until they come of age. As their father. It was hitting him that the day was here. But looking at her and seeing the hope in her eyes frightened the man who faced the empire. It was how he wished he could have looked at her age, but it was all torn away from him as a boy.
“Sabé” Din called out to get her attention. She ran back up to him snapping back to reality. “You can’t do that”.
“Do what?” she shot back.
“Ever let your guard down. It looks like a nice place but there is bad everywhere.” He raised up his finger to point trying to be stern enough for her to get the message. “If you’re going to do this you need to-” 
Sabé raised up her hands to wrap them around his, letting out a small smirk. “Dad, I will be fine. It’s what I have to do”. She smiled at him while still keeping a tight grip on his hand.
Din knew at that point he didn’t need to go on, even if he did it would be useless. Somehow both her and her brother inherited his stubborn trait. He struggled to form what he wanted to say. He stuttered for a moment before shutting up completely not to give himself having a hard time away.
She took another look at the city before her, taking in a deep breath before looking back at him. She hoped she knew what he was searching to say. “Even if I do find my parents, the only person whose daughter I am is yours”. She loosened her grip on his hand but he reached back. 
The Mandalorian felt his chest tighten up “Good”. 
He handed her the supplies they’d had packed and a tracking radar. “Trouble. Press that when you get in it”. 
Sabé let out a proud laugh, “I’m pretty sure I’ll be the one saving your ass one day. Remember that time on Bespin? I mean who runs into chaos in a place called Cloud City?”
“I’ve heard a few stories” Din pressed back, he was going to miss her humor. 
Father and daughter took one last look at each other. She let go of his hand and turned to begin her journey. Din turned as soon as she did and marched back to his ship. Neither of them turned for a final glance. Their determination kept them straight on their paths.
*14 years earlier* 
Din was sick of hiding on deserted planets, he felt too exposed, the empire could tear up every hut he built or sand pile he hid behind. He wasn’t going to endanger people like on Sorgan. He closely screened what was near him in the stars for hours. That’s when it appeared.
“Coruscant” Din whispered to the child behind him. His green ears propped up. “A city planet, a big one, crowded. Easy to blend in”.  He set the coordinates. “What do you say?” He asked the child knowing he wouldn’t get an answer. He had to hurry. They both needed to rest after what they had just been through. He needed to regain his strength and learn how to fly with his new equipment. 
It didn’t take long for a Mandalorian to find lodging there. The Galactic City had been through enough turmoil over the decades few asked questions. Once the Child was asleep Din removed his helmet. He scanned the scars and bruises on his face, he could live with them. The back of his head is what still worried him. The droid had done good work but it wasn’t going to last forever. He packed himself with his blasters and put on his face again to head out. Even if he had to travel to the underworld section he could find medical help on this planet. 
He wasn’t used to being able to walk around without people staring and scowling at him. It would take a while before he would be able to walk freely without his hand on his holster. Even late at night there was life everywhere. The taverns were filled to capacity and every street light was lit. There was so much noise and beggars tugging on his beskar he could feel his rage heightening. Until the screams caught his attention.
In the middle of the street he was chasing her. He was screaming terrified for her life, pathetic screams that made Din’s skin crawl. He heard the door closing over him and his parents faces disappearing when she screamed. Some bystanders in the streets tried to chase him but he pushed them off. He was closing in on her. The Mandalorian bolted after them.
The little girl ran into an ally to try and get away but the man caught up. “What’s the matter little girl?” he winced sticking out his tongue. “Come here pretty, pretty, pretty…” She was so terrified and exhausted she couldn’t do anything else but cry. The man began to lower to his knees to get close to her. She shut her eyes and covered her ears.
She didn’t even hear the blaster go off but she felt a thump on the ground next to her. Din quickly grabbed the man's body and tossed it as far as he could to avoid her seeing it. She turned to look.
“Hey!” Din said out of breath. 
The girl shot back around and saw him for the first time tears streaming down her face. She was petrified of whether he was good or bad. Din tried to relax his demeanor recognizing the terror in her body language.
He spoke softly, “It’s all right”.
////////
Hello! If you’ve made it this far thank you! This is my first ever fic in about 3 years so please excuse me if it’s off to a bad start! I hope you liked it! I love father/daughter stories so when I watched the show I couldn’t get writing this out of my head. I rushed it a bit because im tipsy and so excited to get into the meat of it lmao Hope you stick around for more.
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supergirlimagine · 6 years ago
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Lost & Found pt. 5
Heeeeey Guys! Alright so this has been Real! I had the best time working on this with the one and only @baked-bean-bekah! So this will be MY last Part for this Series. She’ll be leading us out with the final Part sometime next Week! Be excited! I Really enjoyed putting this together and thanks to everyone who showed us some love! We really appreciate it and are Glad you guys liked it, we shall see how this ends! Thats it from me✌🏽
Thanks for Reading🖤
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The DEO is busy with Agents and IT personal scattering around. The latest attack had everyone on high Alert. In the Middle of it all, Maggie stands with Alex and Supergirl, looking at the Screen in Silence. A Picture of you was pulled up. A scared young child with a lost expression in her eyes, your baggy hospital gown making you look way to thin. You held up a sign that read: Subject 9473. Alex breaks the Silence.
"Brainy. Find Project Shockwave and tell me about it."
"I am not sure if we can access said File, Director Danvers. It seems to have been filled away as..Classified.”
"Then find a way, Agent Dox.", her order left no Room for argument.
Brainy ducked his head and works his fingers over the Tablet for a Few Seconds, just like that, the File showes up on the Screen. He starts rattling of the Details.
"Project Shockwave. A Cadmus experimental trial which had its Participants, from an unknown Planet of Origin, compete against each other to test their Strength and Stamina. The goal of the Program was to understand and then Convert the Subjects Abilities as a use for an never exhausting Power Source, meant for all Electronical Devices. Ultimately, the creation of Weapons with electricity currents, that would be stronger than any Man made machine, would come to be. Although, it looks like the Test Subjects were unable to meet the criteria in all but one cases and deceased shortly after Initiation of the Program. The dissection of the Subjects proved that...-"
"Okay. We get it." Maggie cuts him off, having heard enough.
"What about Y/N?"
Brainy lookes at her confused. She cleares her throat and shifts uncomfortably.
"Subject..9473?", she clarifies.
"Oh, yes. It looks like this Test Subjects was brought into the Programm as a young Child and was monitored and tested throughout Adolescence. Said Subject is known to Produce large amounts of Energy, which were successfully converted into Electricity. With excessive testing and training, the subject was later able to change it's monocular structure and Teleporte through any Electrical current. For safety reason, the Subject was held in Isolation. Held in a Glass Cell, surrounded by Water as it was one of the few ways to disciple the Subject. Power blocked devices were placed around it's Wrists at all times. Furthermore,..-"
"That's Enough. Thank you.", Alex cut him off this time, starting to feel sick to her stomach.
They hade somewhat of an Idea of what had happened to you, but were never able to get the full story. You had refused to tell all of it and they decided to stop pushing.
"Get the Alpha Team ready. We are moving out."
Without spearing another glance, Alex turned around and headed for the Armory. Supergirl close on her toes, determination strong in her features.
"Danvers! Wait." Maggie caught up with a few quick steps.
"Where do you think you’re going?"
She whipped around quickly and looked at her Finance.
"I'm going to do what I should have done a long time ago! I'm taking down Cadmus and then finding Y/N."
She made a move to leave again, when Maggie grabbed her Arm.
"Wow. Hey, Stop. You don't even have a Plan or any Clue on where to start. Let's think this through!"
Alex started getting irritated.
"No! Listen, Sawyer. I don't care! All they do is hurt People and use them for their own gain. I'm so sick of it! This ends tonight!"
Emotions were running high and Maggie matched her frustration.
"There is no point in running in there blind! You are going to get yourself hurt! Lets take a step back. I know you’re angry..-"
"I'm not Angry, Maggie! Im furious! They hurt the People I care about! Y/N is out there alone right now and probably terrified! If you would've just..-"
Maggie let go of the Brunettes arm and looked at her with raised Eyebrows.
"If I would have what, Danvers?"
"If you would have just stayed behind with her! Like I told you to!" Alex was close to shouting at this point and heavy Silence followed her Outburst.
Immediately, Alex felt guilty as the hurt expression crossed over her Lovers Face. She avoided her eyes in Shame and continued in a low voice.
"I'm Sorry. No, this is not your fault in any way. Its Just..If I would've been better and faster and paid more attention to her. I'm supposed to be the Director. I'm supposed to know these things. This is on me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let my anger out on you."
Maggies facial expression softened and she pulled Alex to the side when she saw her eyes starting to water.
"Hey, Alex. This is not anybodies fault, especially not yours. We will get her back and we will get justice, but not like this. I can't lose you too. Please."
Alex looked up now and stepped closer to Maggie, almost whispering the next words.
"I know you’re right..I'm just.. I'm scared''
Maggie tilted her head to the side, flashing her Dimples with a sad smile.
"I know, Babe. Me too."
--
It's been two Days since the Attack and two Days of you being back on the streets. You had not eaten or slept. You were constantly looking over your shoulder, frightened by every small noise. Using you Powers after such a long time had taken a lot out of you, but you couldn't afford to rest just yet and debating your next steps wasn't an easy task. Your brain was telling you to get out of town, leave this Place behind and find somewhere far away where they wouldn't be able to get to you. But there was a tightness in your chest, a hollow feeling creeped through your veins at the thought of leaving this City behind. You had never felt this before, like there was something that had made you want to hold on. You let out a sigh at the realization of how much you missed them. That's what this Felling was. You wanted nothing more than to go back Home and cry in their Arms and never leave their sides again, but that would be too dangerous. What if Cadmus found you there or worst yet, punish them for helping you? You had never felt this torn, because for the first Time since you could remember, you felt like there was something worth fighting for, like you had a chance at a happy and normal Life. Letting to ine good thing in your Life go just seemed like something you couldn't handle. The Rain was coming down heavy and you were trying to find cover in some Alleyway. Just as you were rounding the corner you saw a Tall Man towering over a frightened Young Woman. He was yelling at her.
"Give me your Purse! Now!"
She handed it over and you saw a Knife clutched in his fist, as he went through her Stuff. For a split second you wanted to turn around and just walk away, but that's not what Maggie and Alex would do. They are Heroes and they help People, so you should do the same.
"Hey!", you yelled and started to run towards the Guy.
He turned around just in time to see your eyes start to glow and Electricity forming in your Hands. He looked at you wide eyed, dropped the Purse and ran in the other Direction. You came to a stop in front of the scared woman, not thinking it was worth it to chase after the Guy. When you bent down to gather her Belongings and hand them back to her, you suddenly heard a voice yell behind you.
"NCPD! Freeze!"
You stoop up and turned around with the Purse in your Hand, this was bad.
"No!" You looked at the Officer with a shocked expression, understanding what this must look like.
You still had the woman's Purse in a tight grip and your eyes where glowing a pale blue, sparks still running along your finger tips.
"I'm helping!" You yelled back through the Rain.
The gun remained pointed in your direction so you turned and looked at the Lady, pleading with your eyes to back up your story, but all she did was stare at you in Horror.
"Keep those arms up!", the wavering Voice of the Officer made you turn your Head back around.
"I'm going to come over there an put these cuffs on you!" He reached behind him and pulled out a heavy set of cuffs.
You knew those and knew they would dampen your Powers.
"Please! Listen me..-"
"No! Just keep you Mouth Shut and no sudden Movements or I WILL shoot!", He mostly kept his composure, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was new and probably just as nervous and scared as you were right now.
You choose to not push any further, you could see this going sideways. The Cop slowly walked over to you, gun still raised and pointed forward, the Rain around you making it hard to see. The Lady standing off to your side finally seemed to snap back into her surrounding. She made a move forward and tried to make the Officer understand that this was all one big Misunderstanding. The sudden movement startled you enough to look around and put one arm out to let her know you had it handled. The next part happened so fast, you are not even sure it happened at all.
"I said don't move!" thats the last thing you heard before the deafening sound of a gun shot rang through the Allyway. The familiar sensation of Pain ran up your Leg, before the ground came up to meet you.
--
"Sawyer?" Maggies voice came out raspy and heavy with sleep.
They had been up for the most part of the last couple days. Looking for you and for a way to take down Cadmus and get you back safely. It was around 3 am now and they had just fallen asleep on the couch, surrounded by research and anything else that could help them.
"What?" She was standing just half a second later.
Fully awake now as Alex was slowly opening her eyes.
"Where is she?!" She raised her voice and Alex was at her side this time around already, trying her best at listening in on the Phone Call.
"What?? What do you mean she..- You know what! Nevermind We'll be there in 15min."
She hung up her Phone and walked over to the Front Door, where Alex was already putting on her shoes.
"Who was that? Where is she? Is she ok?"
She asked as she handed her Finance her coat.
"That was my work." Alex was just as confused as Maggie now.
"She's at the NCPD extraterrestrial Holding Cells."
They both shared a look and rushed out the Door, everything else forgotten.
--
You sit on one of the benches inside a small basement Cell. Your hands still locked in those awful Handcuffs behind your back. The bullet had only grazed your leg and it bleed a little bit, but they had wrapped it up with some gauze and had you sit down and wait for...you don't really know what you were waiting for. All you know is you were cold. You still had your clothes on which were damp from the rain and stuck to your body in an uncomfortable way. This was not how you thought this Night would have gone. Suddenly, a familiar voice cuts you out of your thoughts and you perk up to see where its coming from, your heart suddenly racing. It sounded like the quick steps were coming from just around the Corner.
"Where is that Rookie?! He freaking SHOOT her?? What the Hell is going on here?"
The Officer who had fired at you stood up from his Chair outside the Cell where he was watching up. You heard him gulp as he straightens up and braces himself.
"Please. Detective, we need you to calm down."
They were getting closer.
"Don't tell me to calm down right now! Just get me to her!"
You looked up just as they rounded the corner and your eyes immediately lock with Maggies, which made her she stop in her tracks. Alex was close behind her and you heard her sigh in Relief, when she saw you sitting there. The world stopped for a second as the three of you just stared at each other.
"Open the Cell.", Maggies voice came out calmer, but still not with the same amount of Compassion it usually carries.
"I'm sorry Detective. There are protocols. She's dangerous and I can't just..-"
The Rookies next words were cut off by him being slammed against the Wall behind him. He had at least half a foot on Maggie, but she was still holding him against the Wall, her Forearm pressed against his throat.
"Listen Buddy! You are going to open this Cell for me. Right. Now." Her voice was low and dangerous, there is fire in her eyes.
"I suggest you don't say another Word. I'm not even close to being done dealing with you for shooting at my kid! You don't even want to know what you got coming if you don't open this damn Door!"
She let go of him and he looked at her with wide eyes, too scared to even move.
"NOW!"
He stuttered out a quick 'Yes Ma'am' before stumbeling over to the Door and fumbling to unlock it. The second it was open, Alex rushed inside and wrapped you in her arms.
"Oh my god! Y/N! I'm so sorry! I should've look after you better! I'm so glad you're alright!" She pulled back and held your face between her hands, forcing eye contacts as she clarified.
"You're alright, yes?" Hey eyes drifting to your wrapped leg.
You nod and can't help but lean into her touch. You close your eyes and smile a little. You never thought you'd ever miss another's Persons touch, but you sure had.
"What happened Y/N? Why didn't you come back?", Her voice sounded hurt and you tried to sit up and reassure her, but the cuffs made moving around hard.
"Take them off." Maggie was standing slightly behind Alex and had her arms crossed over her chest.
She had barely finished her sentence when the Rookie came over and had you unlocked. Alex now gave you a proper Hug and you could feel the love and worry radiating off her. You looked over her shoulder and locked eyes with Maggie, dread made it's way into your stomach when you weren't able to read her expression.
"Give us some Space." She instructed without breaking your eye contact.
The Rookie and other Officer, that had led them down there, were out ther so quickly, you were sure they were the ones with Power. Maggie finally seemed to Relax. Alex let you go and started to examine your Leg, not caring about the protest that you were giving. It was silent for far to long for your liking and you started to get anxious. A single Light bulb was hanging from the ceiling of the Cell, it flickered and your eyes shot over to it. For a split second, you thought about just zooming out of there.
"Don't." Maggies voice was still sharp, but also soft and it held no venom, like it had with her Colleges.
You turned your head in her direction, ashamed that she knew what you were thinking of.
"You hate me now?" It was meant as a question, but came out more like a statement.
"No! Y/N..That's not." The detective let out a heavy sigh and moved closer to you, kneeling down to be eye level and put her hand on your thigh.
"I'm just worried. You were gone and we had no Idea where you were or if you were Okay."
Alex looked up from where she was making sure your Leg was fine and the bleeding was controlled.
"We were so worried about you.", she added to the conversation.
"I'm sorry. Had to leave. Too Dangerous for you." You look at them with watery eyes, the events from the last couple Days finaly catching up with you.
"I'm....My Powers", you almost spat that word, hating what it made you.
"My Powers are Bad, like me. I'm Bad Person", it came out broken and just above a whisper.
There was no need to hide anything from the two of them anyways, they would always know.
"No! Hey..Don't say that Y/N!" Maggie picked up your Chin and made you look at her.
"You are not Bad. You are one of the smartest, funniest and kidest People I’ve ever meet! Even after everything this World has done to you, you still give it so much Love. Its amazing to witness and be a part of. You are good, you have a good Heart. Just because you have these gifts, doesn't mean you are bad."
Alex was holding your Hand and nodding along with what Maggie was saying.
"She's right. For the short amount of time I was lucky enough to have you in my Life, you have only made it brighter."
Tears were making their way down your Face.
"You mean it?"
"Yes. Of course we do. And Y/N..It's okay to be scared sometimes, but you don't have to run anymore. You don’t have to be guarded. I was scared too when you were gone, but as long as we all stay together, we’ll be fine. I promise you. Forever."
---
You guys had finally made it home. You were unsure if you should've gone with them at first, but that was out of the question for them. Some more protest followed as Alex stitches up your Leg and you were now laying half on Top of her and fast asleep on the couch. She was playing with your Hair and was softly soothing you everytime you flinched our let out a whimper in your sleep. A comfortable silence was in the Air.
"So...", Alex looked up at Maggie with a knowing smirk, her hand never stopping the soft motions over your head.
The brunette was sitting at your Feet and was Knee deep in Files that was spread out across the Table. They still had to find a way to stop Cadmus.
"What, Danvers?" She didn't have to look up, to know exactly what Alex was playing at.
"Your kid, huh?" Maggie stopped writing and put down her Pen to look at the two of you.
Her features immediately softening at the sight. The quick, witty comeback dying on her lips, as she took in the scene in front of her. This was Perfect and everything she never knew she wanted.
"Yeah.” She reached over you and grabbed Alex hand, letting the Moment take over, nothing but love in her eyes.
“She’s ours.”
Alex gave her Hand a soft Kiss and looked down at your sleeping face and nodded.
"She sure is."
A frown took over her Face, thinking of what they were facing next.
"What if they take her?”
"Hey. No, don't worry. They won't. I will fight with everything I have for our Family. I know you will do the same."
Maggie made sure her Tone showed Alex how serious she was about this.
"Yes. I’m oing to be right there next to you.”
Alex whispered as she moved some stray hairs from your exhausted Face.
____________
@thatcrazybookwormgeek @mysterious-teen-blogger
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etherealxch · 6 years ago
Text
something like this
word count: 4078 
[a/n] : im baaaaaaack. ok. started this on a whim and it kind of ended up being so long. sorryyyyy. anyways, this is my first scenario of 2019, the first of *hopefully* many to come. as always, i’ll be glad to hear your comments, just hit up my inbox! ps. if you guys reblog this don’t be shy to add something cute in the tags❤️❤️! alsoooo don’t forget to support ASTRO on their comeback guys! 
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The frozen yoghurt shop is unusually quiet today. It’s 1:32 pm and there’s only been 6 people in here. I check the containers, making sure the cubes of fruits are properly cooled. I wipe a few stray drops of yoghurt from the machine with a cloth and thoroughly rinse that too.
My co-worker, Kailo, looks up from her phone to ask me a question, “Hey, did you know that there’s a new flavour for toothpaste?”
I look at her, wildly amused. “No, I do not.”
Excitedly, she nudges up to my side and shoves her phone in my face.
“But please, enlighten me.” I deadpan, taking the phone from her. I can barely hide my disgust as I read the article. “Oh, that’s just very wrong.”
“Eh, I guess.” She shrugs one shoulder, back to scrolling through her daily newsfeed. That figures; Kailo is the kind of person that would come into work wearing the weirdest things and is still able to pull it off. She is very adventurous and likes trying new things. She told me she once tried kale ice cream and actually liked it.
The front doorbell tinkles, signalling a customer. Kailo takes her order, tapping at the computer screen. I grab a small cup and fill it with fresh frozen yoghurt, then with languid strokes, drizzle cookie sauce over the top and hand it to the customer with a napkin.
“Enjoy.” I offer a smile, handing her the yoghurt. The doorbell tinkles again and Moon Bin enters this time. He waves hi to both me and Kailo.
“Hey. Class finished?” I ask as he walks over to my side of the counter.
“Yeah,” He nods. He sighs. “I kind of need to talk to you about something.”
“Is everything okay?” I look at his expression. He briefly glances at Kailo.
“Not really.” He looks at the clock behind me. “Your shift ends at 2, right?” I nod.
“Then, I’ll just wait here for you.” He orders a medium sized yoghurt and takes his usual spot by the window at the very end of the room, like he always does when he comes here to wait for me. When I had just gotten this part time job, my manager, Sammy and Ji Ah, two other part time workers, and Kailo would always ask me if he was my boyfriend because sometimes if I worked the late night shift, he would swing by and wait for me until my shift ended. He would walk me back to campus then, making sure I safely gotten into my dorm.
They soon got used to me denying me and Moon Bin dating and stopped asking questions. Although Kailo occasionally comments on how she thinks he’s pretty hot. I teased her once about it, offering to help set her up with him and her exact answer was, “Honey, please, he’s not my type.”
I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s just he’s really not her type. She usually dates really quickly and the longest I’ve ever her date was with a guy who had his own pet hedgehog. To think of it, I’m not even sure what her type is.
The two hours tick by, with a large group of sleep deprived students walking in and demanding we serve them coffee in between, until I pointed out that the cafe is next door. They eventually ordered frozen yoghurts, apparently too tired to even walk to next door. Sammy enters just in time, to take over my shift.
She clocks in on Moon Bin immediately and then gives me a knowing look.
“Honestly.” I shake my head. Sammy is the only who won’t stop pushing me and Moon Bin together. Sammy has classes with the both of us so she knows Moon Bin as well.
I clock out and grab my staff from the back. Moon Bin is already standing by the counter, waiting for me as I come out from the back. We go outside, the heat of the afternoon blasting from the ground.
“So, what’s wrong?” I ask, as we come to a bench under a shady tree. I’m still in my white cotton collar shirt which is the uniform and am sweating down my back. Moon Bin notices my discomfort.
“D'you want to go home and change first?” He asks.
“No, it’s fine, don’t worry.” I shake my head. “What’s up?”
“You know the show I have to do next Friday?” He says. I nod in response. “Yeah, that’s also the same day my parents are coming to see me.” He waits for the ball to drop.
“Oh. Oh.” I raise my eyebrows in realisation. Moon Bin’s dad doesn’t know that he is enrolled in the Performing Arts Major. His dad wasn’t really supportive of his choice but his mom covered for him and then told him to choose whatever he wanted. If they come this Friday…
“Yup.” He nods gloomily.
“Well, your performance is at night. Maybe they’ll have left by then?” I suggest.
“I…I want to tell him.” He exhales.
“What?”
“I don’t want to lie to him anymore.” He says, turning to me. “I keep having to think of answers to questions about aerospace.” He looks so positively terrified. In spite of myself, I give a small laugh.
“That’s what you told him you were studying?”
“I panicked.” He says defensively.
“Bin, I think that it’s great that you want to tell him the truth but are you sure?” I ask him.
He looks down at his fists. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
“Well, okay then,” I bump my fist at his arm. “I have your back. If there’s anything you need me to do, just tell me.” I smile at him.
We move on from this subject and talk about how rehearsals are going. He digs out the tickets from his pocket and hands them to me, one for me, the other for Sammy, my roommate and Jin Woo’s girlfriend.
“Don’t lose them. You know what, just ask Sammy to take them.” Moon Bin has zero trust in me.
I roll my eyes. “Just because that one time I lost the train tickets–”
“And we had to run all the way back because you’d lost yours and everyone had to re-buy their tickets for the later train.” He reminds me darkly.
Ignoring his words, I tell him that I’ll keep them safe no matter what. It’s his first performance with his parents there, I’m definitely not missing this for anything in the world.
*** “That will be all today. Thank you class.” Our lecturer switches off her slide and packs her laptop up all in one swift movement. Everyone else is either leaving the class or talking to their friends. I check my phone, slightly frowning. Why isn’t he replying?
I flop my bag on the desk, putting my notebook and textbook inside. I check my phone one last time before shoving it in my jacket pocket. As I walk along the hall, passing some students taping a poster on the wall, I spot Rocky and Jin Woo among the crowd.
“Hey, guys,” I catch up to them. They turn, surprised.
“Hey,” They both say, smiling.
They should know where Moon Bin is. “Do you know where Bin is?” I ask. “He didn’t come to class today. And I can’t get hold of him either.”
Rocky glances at Jin Woo before answering. “Oh, he’s probably practising again.”
“Um, see the thing is,” Jin Woo sighs. “He hasn’t stopped since 3 in the morning.”
“What?” My tone is sharp and the two guys in front of me visibly straightens up. “He hasn’t slept?”
Rocky winces. “We rehearsed last night and finished at 10. We went back to the dorm at 10:30–”
“He went out at 3 in the morning to practise by himself again.” Jin Woo explains.
“So, technically, he did sleep for about 4 hours–” Rocky stops when Jin Woo nudges him. I sigh.
“It’s his dad, isn’t it?” I look at them. They both nod slowly.
“He was really stressed out before and now he’s even more stressed than ever.” Rocky says.
“Maybe you should go talk to him. At least get him to stop for a few hours to get some rest.”
They tell me which of the building to go to and what practice room he is in. Two girls and a guy look at me suspiciously as I walk down the corridor blindly before finally giving up and asking them for directions. Standing outside the door, I can hear the thump of the music and someone’s feet moving rapidly. They don’t stop even when I knock on the door.
Moon Bin finally looks up as I enter the room. “Ae Ra.” He stops dancing. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to check up on you.” I say. I watch as he turns off the speaker and plops down on the floor, exhausted. I grab his towel from a chair nearby and toss it at him, landing on his head.
“Bin–” I start, sitting down in front of him. He wipes at his face, refusing to look at me.
“I know, you want me to get some rest. But the show is two days away. I can’t afford to waste any time.” He finally says, lowering his head while fidgeting with the corner of the towel.
“You’re exhausted, Bin.” I say. “Did you even eat breakfast?”
When he looks back at me, his eyes wet around the rim. “I’m just so scared.” He says. “I mean, it’s my dad. He’s never approved of my interest in performing on stage, says it’s a waste of money.
How am I going to impress him, Aera?” His voice cracks slightly. I scoot closer to him to hug him. He leans his head on my shoulder, taking a deep breath.
“You don’t have to impress him, you know?” I say softly. “Just show him what you can do. You may disagree on somethings but in the end you’re his son, he’ll love you no matter what.” I pat his hair, slick with sweat, wince a little and try to discreetly wipe it on my pants. He gives a soft chuckle.
“I can see you through the mirror.”
“You’re disgusting. Please go take a shower.” I deadpan. He laughs as we pull apart.
“Thank you. You seem to always find the right things to say.”
“What? Like asking you to take a shower?” I joke.
He chuckles and absentmindedly pecks the top of my forehead. I stare at him, startled by this out of the blue yet affectionate action. His eyes shift; contemplating something. He slowly leans in and to my surprise, I do too.
“HEY BIN–” Our lips barely touch when Rocky bursts through the door. We pull away with the urgency of a dog chasing after a cat. Rocky stares at us, speechless.
I stand up abruptly. “I have-have a, um, shift.” I say to no one in particular. “So I, yeah, um, okay, byeeee.” Shit, I sound like Jake Peralta. But there’s no time to dwell on that as I leave the room at top speed. I’m so concentrated on leaving that I almost knock down Sammy by the stairs.
“Woah, hey,” She says. “Have you seen Jin Woo?”
“Uh, um,” I clear my head, trying to think of an answer. “No.”
“Oh-kay,” She frowns. “Are you alright?”
“Me? Yeah, yeah, totally fine.” I swallow. “Listen, I gotta go. I have….a class.”
I scurry down the stairs and out of the building. I walk and walk with no actual sense of direction. Walking keeps me occupied. If I stop, I keep thinking of…that. Eventually, my legs tire out and I plop down on a bench. How did that happen? My face heats up even at just the thought of it and despite myself, I feel a bit giggly on the inside. He’s my friend! I shouldn’t be having thoughts like this.
We barely talk on the phone, our usual routine, for the next few days until the show. I’d like to say it’s mainly because he’s busy practising and I’m busy with my shifts and assignments. We do text back and forth, but avoid talking about what happened. Texting is easier, because we don’t sound awkward at all. We still sound the same, playful banter, some nagging.
“Lighten up.” Kailo hisses at me. I’m slumped behind the counter, playing with a plastic spoon. The doorbell rings and a couple of people walk in chattering. I get up from my seat and grab a cone to fill. I drizzle cranberry sauce on it and wrap a napkin around half the cone before handing it to the customer.
After giving the customer her change, Kailo turns to survey me. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing. Assignments,” I reply automatically, back in my slump seat.
“Something happened with Moon Bin?”
I sit up, alert and suspicious. “How did you know?”
She puts up both of her hands, her eyes wide. “I didn’t. I guessed.” She says.
“Oh.” I mumble.
She looks at me. “Whatever it is, it’ll eventually work its way out.”
I wince. “I’m not so sure about this.” She moves her attention away from me when the doorbell tinkles. She urgently nudges my arm and I’m about to give her an annoyed look when I see the people standing in front of me: Moon Bin and his parents.
I scramble up, face red and unable to look at anything except for the countertop. I can feel Moon Bin’s eyes on me but I resolutely stare at the cup and cone model that shows our customers what the different cup sizes look like. I start making their orders, three cones. As I hand it over to them, I smile politely at his parents; over the five years I’ve known him, I’ve seen his mother more than his father. I surreptitiously glance at his dad’s expression, which is hard and realise he must have told him already.
As they leave to take a seat, I grab my phone. There are 5 unread messages all from him.
‘I’m having lunch with them now.’
‘Probably going to tell him now.’
‘Going to find somewhere to talk.’
'Headed to the yoghurt shop.’
'You busy?’
These were all sent before they came here.
I look at them talking by the window. It seems like Moon Bin has got everything under control, although his father doesn’t look too happy. I look worriedly in the direction of the washroom; Kailo’s been in there for a long time. As they get up to leave, I shoot a questioning glance at Moon Bin, who nods slightly at me.
I don’t really understand but it must mean that his dad is willing to give him a chance. Kailo emerges from the washroom looking pale with one hand clutching her stomach.
“Kailo! Are you okay?”
“Ohhh, I think something went wrong with my lunch.” She sits down heavily. Her expression is pained as she drinks from her water bottle.
“What did you have?” I ask.
“Sushi.” She pauses as her stomach makes a weird sound. I offer to go the pharmacy to buy some medicine but she shakes her head, saying it’s all out of her system. That doesn’t seem to be the case even after two hours, I’ve been manning the cash register and making the orders for the customers while she sits weakly behind the counter, out of sight from customers.
“Kailo, I think you need to go to a clinic.” I frown, getting her a cup of warm water. Her hair plastered to her forehead from all the cold sweat.
“But, you have to leave soon and if I do too, no one is going to be here.”
I check the time. The show starts at 7. If Ji Ah makes it here by 8, I can still make it. “I can stay until Ji Ah comes. Just go to the clinic Kailo.”
She doesn’t even bothering protesting anymore. Before leaving, she gives me an apologetic hug. I tell her to tell me when she’s at the doctors to be safe. I look at the clock. I won’t have time to go home and change now. Business is slow between dinner hours so there’s really nothing much I can do, except pray that Ji Ah arrives here as soon as possible.
8:11 p.m. I am about to scratch the walls with frustration. Where is Ji Ah? I text Sammy to check if Moon Bin, Jin Woo and Rocky has performed yet.
'Almost. Where R U???’
I sigh and shoot off a quick reply. Ji Ah rushes through the door, out of breath. “Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.”
“Okay, I’ve got to go, bye!” I’ve been ready ever since 7:45 so I just grab my bag and hurry out the door. Sammy comes out to meet me when I arrive at the auditorium. She grabs my hand, pulling me inside. We pass rows and rows of seats in the darkness. I glance briefly at the stage just as the three of them emerge on stage. The music starts as I take my seat, trying to catch my breath. Moon Bin’s eyes flicker towards the crowd and then spots me. He gives the smallest smile and then resumes his performance.
The three of them work in perfect harmony, moving to each beat. I look around and see his parents a few rows over. His mother looks positively proud while his dad leans back against his seat, an unreadable expression on his face. The audience gives a loud cheer when Rocky does a spin mid-air, earning a bashful smile from him.
The performance ends with the crowd hyped up. After two vocal performances and a small skit, the show ends. There’s the sound of people talking and feet shuffling as they get ready to leave. Sammy and I make our way out and manage to find our way to backstage. We find the guys, with three of their other friends, Sanha, Eun Woo and MJ already with them.
“You guys were awesome!” I say, while Sammy gives them the thumbs up.
“I honestly thought I was going to trip and fall at one point.” Rocky says.
“That’s because you almost stepped on my foot.” Jin Woo shakes his head. As they bicker on, Moon Bin’s focus shifts to behind us; his parents. He excuses himself to walk over to them. We move farther away so as to give me some privacy in all the hubbub at backstage. MJ starts showing them the video he took of them on stage.
“That’s so unflattering.” Sanha comments. He whips out his phone. “You should look at the one I took.” They argue who recorded the best video with Jin Jin exasperatedly chiming in to say at one point, “None of you are Steven Spielberg. None.” and Rocky saying, “You should’ve taken it from my left.”
I look away from their tirade as Moon Bin hugs both of his parents, who leaves and walks toward us, a look of relief on his face. “Everything okay?” I ask, as he nears. Everyone turns their attention to him.
“Yeah,” He exhales a little shakily. He gives a smile. “He doesn’t get the dancing.” We pause, unsure how to response.
“And you’re smiling because…?” Eun Woo asks.
“Because he said I could continue my major, even though he didn’t understand it.” He gives a small laugh. “He’s letting me stay on!” We cheer, hugging him all at once, ignorant to the other looks in the room.
My phone vibrates a message from Kailo who tells me she’s at home now. I see another one from her when she was at the doctors. I tell them I’m going out to make a call where it’s quieter so I can actually hear what someone is saying.
“Hey, are you feeling better?” I ask. “What did the doctor say?”
“I’m feeling sooo much better now.” Kailo’s voice, although not yet back to her normal tone was sounding much more alert than a few hours ago. “It turns I have a very weak intestine and I’m technically not allowed to eat anymore raw fish.”
“I told you, 'Fish are friends not food’.” I quote 'Finding Nemo’ to her.
“That’s just because you don’t eat raw fish.” She says. “Say that again when you’re eating battered cod with chips. Maybe then I’ll believe you.”
She yawns and I tell her to go to bed. She says she will but not before watching an episode of Kim’s Convenience. I hang up, turning to go back inside when I see Moon Bin waiting for me.
“Where are the others?” I walk up to him.
“They went to celebrate. I told them to go ahead first.” Moon Bin says.
“Oh.” Awkward silence. Not wanting to feel weird around him, I hold up my phone.
“I just got off the phone with Kailo. She was feeling unwell just now. Ate some sushi. She had to go to the doctors and there was not anyone to stay at the shop. That was why I was late to the show.”
He lets out a breath that I didn’t know he was holding. “Oh. That’s why.” He scratches his neck. “I thought you weren’t going to come.”
“Why would you think–” I pause as realisation hits me. “Oh.”
“Is she feeling better?” I look up at him, confused, then realise he means Kailo.
“Yeah. She’s okay now.” I nod. There’s another pause where neither of us says anything, then as if he can’t stand it, he says, “Should we talk about what happened the other day?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Yeah, I think we should.”
We walk around, finding some place to sit, heading towards the campus park. Not for the first time ever, I marvel at the size of this entire university. It’s like a small village could literally just live here. We walk along the path, lined with small grey pebbles and small lights installed on the ground, so that it looks like one of those airplane runways.
“So, I guess I should apologise first.” Moon Bin says, as we take a seat on one of the park benches.
I open my mouth to protest but he stops me. “Just–let me finish.
What happened the other day. I shouldn’t have done it. I was feeling helpless and you were there as a friend and I shouldn’t have kissed you,” He continues. “That wasn’t how I…” He trails off.
“You what?” I ask, catching his hesitation.
“It wasn’t how I…,” He scratches his neck again, an action he does when he’s embarrassed. “…imagined I would kiss you. Not in that situation.”
I stare at him dumbly, too stunned to speak. There’s so many parts to his explanation that needs more explaining.
“I-I….” I swallow. “Um, okay.”
He lets me take my time, albeit the concerned look on his face is kind of endearing. “Moon Bin, what do you mean it was how you imagined?”
“Oh. That.” He says, as if he hadn’t thought of explaining that part to me. “Um, see, I kind of, really like you.” He fixes his eyes on mine. I think I can fully comprehend what the phrase 'heart beating against ribcage like a freaking earthquake’.
“Well,” I find my voice again. “In what situation would you have wanted to…kiss me?”
He gives the cutest/ most bashful smile ever and leans in to peck me on my lips. “Something like this?”
In spite of myself, I smile, feeling giddy. “Could you do that again?”
He smiles, leaning in again but this time I do too. This kiss lasts longer than the former and when it ends, he gently kisses my forehead. “Thank you.” He chuckles softly that my heart does a small skip.
“For what?” I laugh, even if it isn’t that funny.
“Just.” He shrugs. “Thank you.”
“You know, if you’re trying to be all mysterious and romantic like in dramas and stuff, it really isn’t going to work on me, because I won’t understand a thing you’re doing.” I joke, smiling.
You just never know when you’re going to open your eyes and fall for someone who’s been by your side this entire time.
BONUS :
“DID YOU GUYS MAKE A BET ON US GETTING TOGETHER?!”
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werevulvi · 6 years ago
Text
Face my fragmentation
“The distinction between performance and reality, always caught up entangled Not knowing if what I know is truth, or beliefs carefully mangled Did my past deception ring true at the end or am I just reconciling with what I cannot bend? In the sanctuary of my own home, do I wear my true face? As it changed with time and testosterone, its nuances shifted out of place With my senses hightened outside, I'm unaware of what I hide Yet I call for no reduction of what I became; I remain yet the same I thrifted pieces of my shame, to once again be restored into pride I'm perpetually misjudged by my appearance, but I let it slide for the sake of my privacy, when the need to know basis is none but it still twists my gut, telling me that my womanhood is gone Have I sought to become what I already am, or am I trying to be what is beyond my reach; a pipedream of tricks and tragedy Wearing stage makeup for casual pursuits, the tedium I'm trying to exhale but I cannot differentiate freedom from what's cheaply on sale And I begin to wonder, if what's chasing me is my destination if I should turn around to further face my fragmentation My bits of male and female; chafing together, comforting apart each belonging to different pieces of my shattered heart” Ah, the perpetual confusion continues! I still feel as though I've some amount of conflict between what I consider my male traits and female parts. That I like them all but can't quite put them together. And I'm thinking that has something to do with my traumatised mind still being very fragmented, despite having integrated with my alter. Like that integration didnt exactly make all of my dissociative symptoms go away. And being in a constant dissociative fog surely makes it hard to figure out what is me being true to myself or accidentally creating yet another persona. Especially considering much of my dysphoria was caused by the traumas that also caused my dissociative issues. So how I perceive my body both genderly and in general are very linked together. There's no clear distinction yet every aspect of me is so far apart. Like two similar things placed in two different rooms, and the time it takes to walk from one thing to the other makes you forget how different or similar they actually are. I dont think my body or my mind being androgynous makes me any less female or not a woman, its not that. But I'm not blind to how the rest of the world sees me and I'm also not immune to its effects on how I perceive myself as a consequence. I have thought, although only in sheer desperation, about if it would be easier to "just" live as a feminine trans man. But I dont want to cause it goes against everything I feel about myself as a woman. It would be like admitting defeat. Like saying it actually was "too late" into transition for me to detrans. And I'm not the kind of person who gives up about what matters to me really a lot. Not that I dont give up easily, but that I simply DON'T give up. Like no matter how hard it is. I keep trying until I manage, and only sometimes temporarily retreat. And I know that my fight/right to be a woman is something that I cannot and wont give up on. No matter how much I'll stumble and fall. But how do I conquer these obsticles? And how do I learn to live as an ambiguous woman who's constantly perceived as male? How do I handle this consatant feeling of having been robbed of my womanhood? How difficult it is to feel welcome in any lesbian community or women only space in general, when looking like a man (i.e a threat). Worrying about being tossed out of bathrooms cause I'm too scared of walking into the mens room to put on makeup, while wearing a dress and fake boobs. Worrying about locker rooms for when I'll start practicing karate again, as I highly doubt there will be a gender neutral option for that. Cause im terrified of showering naked with a bunch of naked men, cause open showers is standard in my country, and I'm sure that other women in their locker room would freak out if I walked in there, cause that's happened before. I know I'll have to have a conversation with the instructors at that karate club about my locker room issue, but still.
That is why I still hold off on starting practicing at my island's only karate club, but it's a dream that I cannot hold off on forever. I'm thinking it might be easier to "prove my case" when I'm legally female again, and for other practical reasons it would be more convenient to wait until after my breast reconstruction surgery has been done and healed properly as well. But how I'm perceived by others based solely on my looks (and voice) will continue to be ambiguous at best, as I'm keeping and cherishing my traits from testosterone. It's not that I care about random people's opinions of me, cause I don't. It's that it makes those kinds of social situations difficult to deal with and solve. And I feel like I'm stuck in a tight web about it. The ways in which my dysphoria slithers around in me is confusing and exhausting to try to figure out and get a grasp of. But I've come to understand now that basically: as a trans man I was happy with what testosterone did for me and I for the first started finally liking parts of my body. It was an over all positive experience for me. But I hated living as a man and forcing myself to be masculine. It felt like a burden that alienated me, as I couldn't connect to either men or other women anymore, and I felt that more and more over the years, like some abstract force that became mysteriously heavier over time. Until I understood that I was going against my nature. It felt good at first, but then felt increasingly heavier and like a burden, that social role and the lie that I tried to become. Top surgery (about 5 years into my social transition) made it worse cause it was such a jarring experience. Sadly, I hated my breasts until the day they were gone... then I missed them. It only traded one kind of suffering for another, and I had no idea that would happen. That made me even more confused, but I was afraid of my feelings so I bottled them and shoved them away. For 4 years.
Then when I started healing from my traumas and I began to fall in love with my body and my personality, detransition was just around the corner and it happened so fast. It was literally like I woke up that morning feeling like I was a man like always, and when I went to bed that night I knew I was a woman and regretted it all. As well as instantly ditching the masculinity I had forced myself into, for my long lost femininity. That strong contrast was a tad overwhelming!
However, now reflecting back on it, I don't think most of that instant regret I felt was really that, but rather that it was an expression of my inner conflict between the liberation of finally connecting with my womanhood for the first time ever, and my love for my male physical traits that clashed with the idea of womanhood that had been imprinted into my brain by society. Or to put it more simply: my love for my androgynous body clashed with my false view of myself as a traditionally feminine woman. I felt stuck with my androgyny when in fact there was never anything wrong with either me or my androgyny, but I couldn't put it together with being a woman. Cause I felt suddenly threatened by it. I felt like I was somehow newly a woman, and my old-fashioned, conservative view of what I thought women "should" look like made me attack the one thing I had finally come to love, which was what had brought me to see myself as a woman to begin with: my body. Eventually, as I became more stable over time in my detransition, I started to find my way back to that love I always had for my male traits, and tried to basically integrate them into my newfound womanhood, but that was and still is a struggle. Even just getting myself to walk outside with a beard visible on my face and with any amount of confidence to do so, since detransing, has taken me around 6 months so far, and it's still a work in progress. I keep fighting it, viewing my facial hair as a threat to my womanhood while still loving it. Is it right, is it wrong, that I still love my beard? I know that does not matter, but my emotions don't give a fuck about that. They won't listen to reason. But I see that I am beautiful with strikingly intense looks, self-love and pride showing through behind a hesitant smile, when I allow myself to wear my beard like the part of my body that it now is. I do not want to get rid of it, but I definitely want to get rid of the social stigma around bearded women with deep voices. But that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. So I'm gonna have to live with that stigma, reluctantly.
And even during that time, I sometimes, or even most of the time, directed my frustration with being misgendered towards my beloved male traits, as if they were the enemy and not society. Cause I'm just as much forced to live in this society as I am forced to live with my own body... it takes much work to not let either of those two drive me crazy. Having and keeping my male features literally does me no harm at all. Especially not considering I'm no longer taking the testosterone, only keeping its permanent effects. Actually I think trying to reverse those effects would be more harmful than keeping them. I know I'd always rather listen to my heart than society when it comes to making any kinds of permanent changes to my body. But I'll still hear society, regardless of how much I don't listen to it. And sometimes what it says just fucks me up and makes me sad. I know I would be dysphoric again if I got rid of my male traits. I know because for everytime I've considered it and used any sort of words like "removing" or "lasering off" or "getting rid of" those traits, it has made my stomach turn in a mentally painful twist. And I know because I'd regret it if I got rid of them. That I would grieve their loss, just like I grieved the loss of my breasts. And I don't wanna go through that with any more parts of my body. Even just thinking about it makes me wanna protect myself.
Truth is I don't wanna look either completely female or completely male, as for my physical appearance. But I'm fine with simply being biologically female regardless of how I want to appear. It's a fact I've no issue with anymore, and I'm no longer dysphoric about any of my remaining female parts, like I used to be. But I do not want to again look like I never transitioned to begin with. I do not miss my voice being higher pitched at all, or having a smooth face, a less hairy body or a smaller clit. My style is mostly feminine, but my body is a mix of male and female traits.
(Just to clarify, I use the word "male" instead of "masculine" when it comes to my transitioned physical traits because masculinity is a social construct, but such physical traits (like beards, deep voices, etc) are much more closely associated with male biology than any social construct. And vice versa for my female traits.) Am I less female for having some additional male traits? No, I'm still 100% female, but now with some additional male traits. I'm a woman who went through both female and male puberty, hormonally. And I like it that way, but I never liked to regularly dress masculine, and I've also never liked having a totally female-appearing body and face either. I've wanted a deep voice and facial hair ever since I was 12 years old. Whatever it means, it's not a new or sudden wish. I've had it for most of my life, which is probably why I'm so happy to have those traits now. But I also don't and can't think of myself as a feminine man, no matter how much I look like one on the surface. It's just an illusion, a consequence of my transition+style. It was a choice, and I really don't know if I regret that choice or not. Transitioning, as a whole, didn't quite turn out as I had intended. I guess that's all I really know for sure. My chest is now my only source of dysphoria. Cause I guess I can regret top surgery without also regretting testosterone. Or maybe I just want new boobs regardless of if I have chest dysphoria or not, and consider the risks of getting new boobs worth it to connect better with my body as a beautiful (not necessarily in a sexual way) and comforting meatsuit to carry around my soul (or brain, if you don't believe in souls) in. I kinda intend for my detransition to take me "halfway back" in a sense. Like two steps forward and one step back. I see myself as a woman now only cause I made peace with my body being female, but I don't really think I have an actual gender per se. I don't identify AS a woman, although in a sense I do identify WITH womanhood; as in female biology, actually natural femininity and being a lesbian.
My androgynous looks are intentional now, and I intend to rock it as well as I can. My body is solely for myself, but of course I can't and shouldn't hide completely from others just because they're not my target audience. My body is my only true home and I don't like it too plain and undecorated. I'm not a minimalist by far, I feel comforted and up-lifted by some colours, tinsel and patterns in my near presense to brighten up the gloom in my tortured mind. Looking fancy for no particular occasion, for my mental health, is a good and quite harmless type of self-care. Although perhaps not ideal, it's still far better than self-harm. Ultimately, how I perceive myself is just as a woman, and neither my transition to male nor my detransition to physically nonbinary quite reflect that, but they don't need to. But what my detransition does need is work the fuck together with my self-perception. I'm scavenging for a strategy to achieve that kind of inner team work. I know this text became really long, but I wanted to still include all that reflecting on my transition and detransition so far. Cause I wouldn't have ended up here without all those experiences. (And no I won’t make this post a “read more” thing cause I know you guys are too lazy to click on such things.)
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sinnamonthebunny · 6 years ago
Text
Whistle's background
(This story is probably crappy, i wrote it a 2:30 in the morning. Im like really tired rn, like i cant think straight right at this moment.)
Running is all what Whistle knew he could do right. Whistle could run for miles without getting tired, but something about running this time made him exhausted.
Whistle was running from the evil laughter that kept appearing from behind him. The people in the red suits and the white masks, trying to take his life.
The Yiga clan had murdered Whistle’s family in cold blood, Whistle’s sister at the age of 6, his mother, and his father.
His little sisters screams for Whistle was burned into his brain as he ran for his life from the evil clan.
As Whistle ran, he slammed into something, or someone. Right in front of Whistle was a member of the Yiga clan. Raising his flaming weapon, the clan member went to swing his sword of fire on the boy who lost his family.
Closing his eyes as hard as he could, Whistle embraced for the worse. Tears streamed down his face as he screamed in pain as the blade hit his shoulder.
As the blade made contact, Whistles instincts kicked in. Jumping away from the man who did damage to him, Whistle pulls out a small dagger and a shield. Ready to fight for his life, Whistle whimpers and gets into a fighting stance.
He was surrounded. There was 15 members around him. Already knowing what his fate is, Whistle tightens his grip on his dagger, not ready to die.
Blackness surrounding his vision, Whistle lets out a battle cry and runs to the man in front of him. Jumping to the side as the clan member tried to hit him with his flaming sword again, Whistle lets out a flurry of attacks.
Each time Whistle went to strike, he hits his mark. But his luck had to run out soon. Soon as the flurry of attacks finished, the member he was attacking was too close to Whistle. The clan member hits the arm Whistle was using to hold his dagger with his flaming sword.
Whistle drops to the ground crying and screaming in pain. The feeling of losing blood from his shoulder and arm, the burning sensation going through him, the lost of his little sister and parents. Whistle felt alone.
Whistle prepared to welcome death with open arms, but all that came was a tingle of electricity going through his veins and the screams of the Yiga clan. Everything came to a stop.
When Whistle opened his eyes again, the wounds that was inflicted on him weren't hurting or bleeding. Whistle wasn't in the middle of the forest as well. He was in a cave; with a freaking dragon.
Whistle gasped a bit, standing up immediately. Backing up to the wall of the cave, Whistle looks at the dragon he read about in the books of legends.
Farosh was staring at him
It was a battle between the two, staring at each other for a uncomfortable amount of time, Whistle spoke up.
“Did you save me?”
Farosh looked at Whistle with trusting eyes that screamed he knew what happened.
Flashes of his family dying in front of him, Whistle tries to calm down before he has a panic attack.
With Whistle breath picking up, and the flashes of his sisters head falling to the floor, Whistle cries. Collapsing to the floor, he holds himself.
Mourning over his lost, Whistle wishes for death to meet him and take him away.
Farosh just stares.
It was hard for Whistle to breath, he felt trapped. Every part of Whistle was telling him that he failed. The scars that were on Whistles body forever reminded him of how he couldn't save his family from their fate.
In the midst of poor Whistles panic, a familiar dragon has gotten closer, pressing its electrifying snout against whistle, as if it were saying “It's alright, you're safe; it's not your fault that they met that terrible fate.”
Farosh had a sort of aura to it that has calmed down Whistle. Farosh was patient, and he made Whistle feel safe for the first time in forever. Whistles breath slows down as the dragon waits, once Whistle was calm enough, he thanked the dragon with for its kind heart and for saving him from the killers.
Farosh blinked slowly as it accepted the thanks. Slowly getting up, the dragon picked Whistle off the ground like how a cat would do to her kittens.
With a yelp, Whistle was dangling from Farosh's mouth. Holding on for dear life to the dragon, Farosh flew through the wild, Whistle started to think that maybe Farosh was gonna eat him. Whistle didnt was surprised and in awe as the dragon got to its destination.
They were in a field full of metal poles and little electrifying orbs. It was Farosh's sleeping ground. Whistle remembered reading on where the dragon rested and trained, it talked about how there was poles of metal and orbs of lightning.
Looking at the dragon, Whistle had a huge grin. Farosh looked back at Whistle, and with a low growl, a strong purple lightning struck Whistle. Whistle didn't let out a whimper, but he let out a yelp of surprise. The lightning didn't hurt Whistle, instead it made him feel stronger. Whistle felt something electrifying and strong go through his veins. Looking at the dragon, Whistle gave a confused look.
Farosh let out another growl, lightning stuck the poles.
Whistle stared in awe as he witness the magnificent power. Farosh nudged Whistle, with a little yelp, Whistle fell forward a bit, but quickly caught himself. Looking the dragon with confusion, Farosh stared back with a look that said “it's your turn”. Very confused Whistle told Farosh that he couldn't summon lightning. He was a normal hylian. The dragon let out another growl, and Whistle sighed. Moving to the poles, he looked at Farosh with confusion. Then something caught Whistles eyes. Farosh was moving his fingers.
Farosh was moving his fingers in a snapping motion. Realization hit Whistle, moving his feet apart and in a spin he snapped his fingers as loud as he could.
Blue and purple lightning stuck every pole with a loud “crack!” near Whistle. Bursting with energy and excitement, Whistle turned to Farosh.
Farosh was looking like a proud parent. And from there on, Farosh had took care of Whistle, and Whistle took care of the villagers nearby and his mentor Farosh.
Two years living with Farosh, quite a bit had changed. Whistle now perfect blue eyes changed; one eye was gold now. Whistle had practiced his lightning strike everyday for hours upon hours, eventually Whistle has perfected it and his lightning strike is as powerful as Farosh’s. Also, Whistle got a pet blupee named Melody! Melody and Whistle met when Melody was being hunted. Though Whistle still wasn't able to avenge his family.
Melody was just hopping around minding its own business, until a shock arrow struck it. A beast more terrifying than guardians had its eyes locked on it. A Lynel, bigger than a 8ft gerudo woman was chasing after the blupee. The beast swung its sword down hitting the blupee flat in the chest. The injured blupee tried to get up and teleport as fast as they could, but the Lynel was faster, hitting them again. Blood soaking from their chest, the blupee cries. The Lynel went to strike again but it froze. Painful electricity was coursing through its veins, making the Lynel roar in agony. Bright flashes of purple, blue, and gold filled the sky as a dangerous lightning hit its mark. As the Lynel losses its final breath to the electrifying counter, it collapsed.
The blupee stared at the figure that was coming closer. The figure has a strong aura to them. The blupee lost conscious.
As the blupee woke up from its slumber, it realized it was at Farosh's home. Getting up slowly, it touched the area where the Lynel hit them, there was no blood. There was only a huge scar. The blupee looked around to find the person who saved them, but all they saw was a little boy, who was probably 15, cooking a meal of Fish'N Chips. With a little chirp, the blupee headed over there.
Whistle was a little startled when the cute beast hopped up to him. Lookong at the blupee with curious eyes, he handed it a apple slice. The blupee chirped with glee as it took the apple. Whistle watched as the blupee enjoyed its little snack with a smile.
Once the blupee finished, Whistle expected it to go and disappear like the others, but the blupee stayed. A little confused,  Whistle told the blupee that it can go home.
The blupee still stayed. With a puzzled look, Whistle scoffed a bit and said;
“Well if you're gonna stick around you need a name.”
Whistle pondered for a bit before he let out a “oh”. Turning to the blupee Whistle announced its name.
“Imma call you Melody!”
Melody let out a huge chirp as Whistle given it a name. Turning around, Whistle began to walk to the training area, planning on getting stronger, Whistle was determined.
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swampgallows · 6 years ago
Text
i need to practice driving but i always feel so FUCKING tired. this whole week ive just been exhausted to all fuck. my jaw hurts today. all my teeth hurt. everything hurts. i hurt emotionally and spiritually and i need to overcome being paralyzed with shame about the dentist. im scared she will yell at me (she never would) or do a bad job (she hasnt so far) that will leave me in more pain, like my first dentist. i have to save my teeth while i can but im also terrified of how much it will cost. but i know i cant live like this. and i know it’s not entirely my fault because my dad’s teeth are the same, as were his dad’s teeth, and i’m just stuck with their genetics. ive been brushing my teeth and using my waterpik and wearign my mouthguard every night and i deep disinfect it every sunday in mouthwash and im unfortunately not able to adjust my diet much, but ive been drinking more water, and if i drink soda or juice i have a glass of water with me to chase every sip. even when i drink milk i follow up with water. the problem is i think most of the damage is already done. i can barely eat without being scared i’ll shatter my teeth, and theyre so sharp and pitted it makes it hard to chew anything. 
my dad always says one of his regrets was that he didnt take better care of his teeth, and i feel the same way, but we’re also fucked by our genetics. i mean, his dad had dentures by 17 and soda n shit barely even existed in fucking uhhhh 1930? 
i just feel like a fuckign failure. my body is shit, my brain is shit, my spirit is shit, my heart is shit, my mind is shit. it’s just all fucking shit. 
i just feel like i’m stuck at a dead end. i looked up my code school subscription today to make sure it wasn’t going to charge me for another year and i just thought wow, another thing i fucking failed at. sure i could learn python. but why? what for? still had no idea what i’d even use it for. i had no practical application for it. i dont know what kind of programs id write. i dont want to write programs. i dont want to make video games or work in software. i dont give a shit about computers. i dont care about anything. i dont want to do anything. i dont want to live any more.
im still awaiting the last few people for the zine to write me back. i’m still researching what im gonna do in terms of pre-orders, but i think im gonna have to just host on my own marketplace like tictail or bigcartel or something and then distribute them on my own. once i finish my initial layout for the zine i can finalize a version for the other publisher, then depending on the number of preorders ill send it off to whichever publisher can fulfill the order. lulu has an option to sell through their marketplace but i think i’ll just do it myself either way (since printninja will have to ship to me first, and then i ship out individually).
im having a lot of anxiety about it because my parents were psyched about the project and then just like... id ont know how to explain it, they dont fucking listen to me when i talk and get a wrong idea in their head about what it is that im doing and then act really disappointed when i remind them of the actual reality of  my project. my dad thought i was illustrating a medical journal. 
im just sick of being a failure. im sick of never being good enough.
im sick of writing and im sick of complaining and im sick of being in pain.
maybe i want a beauty and the beast fantasy because i want someone to just take me away from here. i want to end up in a situation where no, i cant come home, no, i dont know when im going to be home, it’s out of my control, just as an excuse to not have to answer to anybody about where i am, and whoever takes me will be tall and strong and powerful, and they can take me to a place where i can ride my bike freely, where i can run through a field of flowers, where i can get access to resources and environments to maintain my health. i need to be uprooted from this blight so i can stop inhaling black mold, but i have nowhere to go and no one to go with. if i were whisked away then i wouldnt have to make the choice. 
the ancient magus bride is a female fantasy for a reason.
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taegijae-blog · 7 years ago
Text
BREAKFAST DELIVERY 9
pairing: 2jae
genre: fluff, if you squint there’s angst
word count: 2k
description: the school’s hottest boy im jaebum wants to get a certain boy’s number.  but the first problem is: he’s unhappy and not eating.
status: completed
note: this was originally posted on wakaba’s wattpad @/jaeholics
| part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
Youngjae brought a clean thermos and a confused heart to school next day.
He wanted to return it to its rightful owner, and as much as he wanted to leave it for his anonymous food giver, the label on the thermos told him otherwise.
It couldn't be Park Jinyoung, could it?
He hoped it wasn't.
He walked around throughout the halls, searching for the person with big ears and a constant judgmental look on his face.
And there he was, talking about something to a girl.
Youngjae rushed up to him and held the bag like a bunny, nervously blinking. He stopped his conversation with his hands mid-air, staring at the younger.
"Um... I think this is yours," he said quietly, handing over the bag. Jinyoung blinked.
"That's the bag Jaebum asked me to give you, though," he said with a growing frown, taking the bag and looking at its contents. He ignored the expression on Youngjae that was becoming a mixture of confused and terrified. Taking out the thermos, he scowled. "The hell? This is my thermos."
Jinyoung then glared back Youngjae, who was cowering with every passing second that he was being stared down at. "You ate out of this?" He scoffed and took only the thermos, shoving the rest back into the bag.
"Gross."
He walked away from him, the girl clinging next to him.
🍽
The lunch bell rang.
Jaebum strolled down the hall to reach the cafeteria after rejecting a few girls' offers to eat together. As he was passing by the empty algebra classroom, a hand reached out and pulled him through the open doorway.
It was Youngjae who seemed to be on the verge of tears.
"Y... you okay-"
"Are you trying to mess with me?!" Youngjae almost screamed out. Luckily, the hallway was empty so no one heard him. "Are you doing this just for your own entertainment?!"
Jaebum was absolutely confused until Youngjae showed him the bag that was missing a thermos. He cursed under his breath and raised his hands, trying to calm the other down. "hey, listen-"
"You enjoy making a joke out of people's happiness and then crushing it, don't you, Im Jaebum?" Youngjae's voice grew quieter, but the rage was still there. His voice cracked near the end of his words, evidence that he was just about to cry.
The room was dark without the lights on, but Jaebum could still see the sadness painted on Youngjae's face. The younger sniffled and stared at the floor.
"I don't want your pity. I don't want you to even acknowledge me because you make me uselessly happy about things that turned out weren't even real," Youngjae said shakily, his arms and shoulders trembling. The amount of sniffling coming from him grew. "I know... that you think I'm disgusting. Just like your friend Park Jinyoung."
In Jaebum's eyes was a sudden sparkle.
Youngjae threw the bag at Jaebum and wiped his eyes with his sweater's sleeves. "Leave me alone and don't ever talk to me again.
...I hate you."
Youngjae rushed out the room, stumbling into the doorway as he did so.
Sliding down against the wall, Jaebum held his face with a long, exhausted sigh.
🍽
"What have you done to our Jaejae?!"
"Yeah! You better tell us or else we'll beat you up!!"
Kim Yugyeom and Kunpimook Bhuwakul assumed wide stances in front of Jaebum's gang, holding chopsticks as weapons.
Jackson Wang coughed.
Jinyoung stood from his seat and pulled the depressed-looking Jaebum up with him.
"Come here. We're gonna talk."
Mark and Jackson watched as their friend was pulled away in silence. They turned back to the two sophomores, who were still in the ready-to-fight stance.
"We know martial arts," Mark said with an arm around Jackson's shoulders.
"Never mind," BamBam quickly said as they both turned around and returned to their table where the unresponsive Youngjae sat. "Hyung, we'll make sure those jerks never hurt you again, okay?"
"Yeah!" Yugyeom agreed, rubbing Youngjae's back. "They can't do whatever they want to just because they're seniors!"
"Be quiet," Youngjae muttered, voice muffled since his face was on the table and covered by his arms.
🍽
"Jinyoung," Jaebum glared at his friend sternly once the two were in an empty area. "What the fuck did you say to Youngjae?"
"Listen, Bum," Jinyoung replied while rolling his eyes, arms crossed over his chest, "you never told me that you'd be using my thermos for that."
"He told me that you said he was disgusting!" Jaebum eventually yelled, his patience running out. "Why are you being rude to him, anyway?"
"'Rude'? I was the one who told you he was being cornered by those girls. I was the one who found him after getting kicked and told you to come. I was the one who gave him that bag. It's always been me caught in your stupid little love chase after him," Jinyoung said with a sneer, narrowing his eyes at the other. "Don't you even understand how I feel? Did you ever consider what this is all doing to me?"
Veins in Jaebum's neck popped up as his anger grew. "This isn't about you! You just happened to—"
"I've liked you since sixth grade."
Jinyoung stuffed his hands into his pockets as he watched Jaebum fall silent. there were glimpses of disappointment in his eyes, along with sadness.
"Yeah. Exactly. You never knew that, did you?" Jinyoung quietly asked, stepping away from the person he wasn't sure he could consider his friend anymore.
Jaebum paused before slamming his foot into a nearby door.
He screamed out of fury at himself.
i just wanted you to know that my feelings for you are genuine. nothing that i have done, or said on these notecards are lies. Crumbling up the piece of paper in one hand, Youngjae raised his other arm. "May I go to the infirmary?" "Sure." He grabbed his belongings and headed out the classroom, eyeing the empty desk of Im Jaebum. With a sigh, he took out his phone and started texting someone. ???-hyung
[c.youngjae]: hey [c.youngjae]: hyung [c.youngjae]: are you busy? [c.youngjae]: i want to talk for a bit [c.youngjae]: i'm, [c.youngjae]: there're a lot of things on my mind
Youngjae headed down the stairs, searching for the large room known as the auditorium. He knew it was rarely used unless the band or orchestra was planning to have a concert in the near future, anyway. Avoiding the gazes of any teachers that were walking by, he led himself down the path that would take him to the outside of the auditorium. On some of the soft, freshly mown grass, he sat down and shakily exhaled.
His phone buzzed.
1 new message from: ???-hyung
[???]: i'm here
Youngjae sat with his knees up close to his chest, typing away with his thumbs. 
???-hyung
[c.youngjae]: i think my biggest fear ever just came true
[c.youngjae]: the guy that was giving me food
[c.youngjae]: it turned out to be im jaebum. the popular guy.
[c.youngjae]: i was just...
[c.youngjae]: so incredibly mad
[c.youngjae]: bc his friend, someone called park jinyoung personally called me ‘gross’
[c.youngjae]: i couldnt help but think about how hes been doing all this for his own entertainment...
[c.youngjae]: so i yelled at him
[c.youngjae]: and even though i know im angry at him for being a total jerk, smth about him makes me want to forgive him
[c.youngjae]: because despite all that,
[c.youngjae]: he's been a sweetheart to me
[c.youngjae]: ...and i kinda didnt listen to what he had to say
Youngjae shut off his phone with a sigh, tilting his head up to glance at the sky. the clouds that swirled around and restricted any blue from showing were dark. His phone vibrated in his hand so he unlocked it, checking the new messages he received.
???-hyung
[???]: you didnt hear him out, huh?
[???]: i think you should.
[???]: you never know what mightve been going on in his mind.
[???]: are you skipping class?
[c.youngjae]: yeah
[c.youngjae]: i'm sitting outside our school's auditorium
[???]: outside?
[???]: i hope it isnt cold.
[???]: its supposed to rain soon
[???]: do you have an umbrella?
[c.youngjae]: no
[c.youngjae]: i'll be fine
[???]: ...if you say so
Youngjae sighed once again and rubbed his eyes. He felt exhausted and didn't want to see anyone for the rest of the day. his teachers, classmates, even friends...
But the face of mysterious, sunglasses wearing 'Def Soul' would appear in his thoughts.
That was always something strange. Whenever he was down, he realized, he would either think about that person or directly text him. Before his two best friends, BamBam and Yugyeom, would come Def Soul.
What was wrong with him?
The clouds dropped bits of rain as his eyes dropped some tears down his face. Youngjae felt sad, but his body was too numb to be expressing any of those emotions. His phone slipped from his hand and fell onto the grass while his head leaned back. He opened his mouth and ate a few droplets of rain, hugging his knees closer to himself.
He wanted to stay like that until it was night, when no one could see him.
Footsteps along the pavement were getting closer to Youngjae.
"I'm sorry," a voice from behind him said sullenly, the footsteps stopping once close enough to Youngjae. He didn't bother looking at who it was because he just knew by that voice.
"'Sorry' is just a word," Youngjae replied, a tone of ruefulness in his quiet words. The sound of some wires and cloth shifted around behind him, and suddenly the rain stopped falling on his head. He tilted his chin up slowly to be met with the sight of Jaebum holding an umbrella over him.
"I never meant to hurt you," Jaebum practically whispered, crouching down to his knees while still holding the umbrella for the other. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Youngjae could see the genuinely apologetic expression the elder had on his typically flirtatious face.
Shaking his head slightly, Youngjae glanced straight ahead as he hugged his knees even closer. The wind became a bit stronger and he found it to be rather chilly.
Youngjae choked on a few of his tears as he replied, "I know."
Reaching his arm out, Jaebum used his hand to hold onto Youngjae's chin and pull his head to his direction so the two would face each other. The younger seemed so drunk in his thoughts that he didn't do anything in retaliation; he only stared at Jaebum in a way that the upperclassman found to be extra gorgeous.
"I like you, Youngjae... a lot," Jaebum murmured as he leaned closer in order to place his lips on the other's. Both shut their eyes in the process, holding the kiss in a long, gentle moment. The umbrella in Jaebum's free hand fell onto the grass as it crawled its way over to Youngjae's own hand, entwining their fingers together.
His tears tasted sweet.
Once the two slowly separated their mouths, Youngjae started to bawl. His body gave up its strength and plopped backwards into Jaebum's torso as his shoulders trembled while he sobbed.
Jaebum properly sat on the ground and wrapped his arms around Youngjae's body, holding him close.
"I'll never forgive you," Youngjae cried between his sobbing, gripping tightly on one of the elder's hands. His head was resting against Jaebum's chest and his eyes were glanced up, squinting at him, although his vision was blurry due to the tears. "I'll never forgive you for playing with my emotions like this."
"Baby..." Jaebum muttered as he stuffed his face into the other's cold neck, but to his horror, a hand met his cheek harshly in the form of a slap. He rubbed his cheek, staring at the crying mess that was Choi Youngjae.
"Don't call me that, ever." he coughed, choking on some more tears. "Forget that I even kissed you."
He threw on his backpack and sprinted away, leaving Jaebum alone and in grief once again.
Clutching his face, he screamed into his palm.
"What have I done wrong?"
And why was he losing everything he cared for?
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authenticaussie · 8 years ago
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✫ MarcoAceSabo 86
Commissions! || Ko-fi!
ace as a runaway god
he’s basically just a teenager who Does Not Know what he’s meant to be doin in his immortal life and w o w he’s super bored and also his dad is an asshole to humans? lol?​ ace does not agree? don’t be a dick dad
sO BASICALLY HE POOFS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AS A “HEY DAD IMA GO LIVE W/ HUMANS BC I WANT TO HAVE A BETTER WAY TO SAY FUCK YOU”. Roger is UPSET and torn bc he’s like oh! I remember this stage of my life! Wanting to find myself! Burning shit! Exploring! Stealing things! but then he’s also like [godly scream] “WHERE IS MY SON”
Also Ace is a dumbas bc he doesn’t tell his mom and so she’s actually on Roger’s side and is like no i do not support my runaway son he hasn’t sent us a single letter im very mad at this young man. He could’ve at least said goodbye before disappearing w/o a word!!!
Chasing Twisters by Delta Rey is a Good Time for this AU (especially the first lines; ‘I was born / with lightning in my heels / set a spur upon my ankle / put a horse under the steel’ )
Anyway! Ace ends up travelling a lot and bein a dork and accidentally outing himself as godly all the time omfg. He’ll fly up to pick fruit and fall out of shit and get stabbed and be fine and then get confused when people freak out???? It’s hysterical
ANYWAY he figures out how to (relatively) pass as human ///after like so many errors omfg and ends up running into Marco!! Who travels from town to town doin magic and offering his protection and trying to chase down an old god / some other myths just because he’s a curious fucker
Ace STILL fucks up being human it’s a GOOD TIME, LIKE!!! They’re campin somewhere, idk, near a mountain pass???? huge rocks everywhere???? and Ace keeps picking up rocks and throwing them everywhere like they’re nothing and Marco’s like “uhhhh isnt like. That huge stone monument heavy????”
-ace, holding it w/ one hand over his head and cursing as he tries to find where his hat has gone-  "uH YES. HAHA. WOW. YEAH. ITS EXHAUSTING. CANT HOLD THIS FOR LONG!!!!“ ///drops it awkwardly with a thundering crash
Basically what I’m saying is Marco totally knows he’s at least a demigod / blessed by the gods but is so unperturbed by this bc he’s a demigod too? (Ace being an actual god is another story entirely.)
a n y w a y they go through a town where a friend of marco’s called Sabo lives and Ace gets along w/ him super well and they have a lot of common interests and Marco moves on to the next few towns by this. like. mountain thing that encloses it??? so it’s  a dead end basically??? and ace stays and gets to know sab better
whispers Sabo’s Totally Flirting with / flustered around Marco but marco doesn’t notice s h i t
Anyway Marco comes back and is like yeah I usually stay here for the winter bc the passes freeze over so badly??? And Ace knows he should go and that he could easily find his way, the cold has never bothered him, but he-
he stays
(they’re fascinating, and they’re clever, and they’re kind, and Ace finds himself drawn to Marco’s easy grins and Sabo’s quick, clever tongue just as easily as he’s drawn to a flame). They turn from “heyyyy humans are so Interesting” into “These Humans are so interesting” into “these are my friends and they’re so interesting and Have Interests that  I love hearing them talk abt”
ACE STARTS GETTING SUPER FLUSTERED AND NERVOUS AROUND THEM AND ACCIDENTALLY USING HIS POWERS AND FORGETTING WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO. AND THEN TRYING TO COVER IT UP LIIKE “WOAH SURE WAS A COINCIDENCE THAT ALL THESE CANDLES IGNITED AT ONCE HAHAHAH”
Marco ends up just patting sab’s shoulder and leaning down to whispers that he thinks ace’s old place didn’t take to kindly to demigods and sabo’s like ooooohhh and they NEVER BRING IT UP
Ace eventually!!!!!!! asks them on a date!!!!!!!!! and theyre like weren’t we already doing that????????? and Ace is like what. no. uu taking me ice skating and me taking u to a frozen waterfall that i unfroze for the two of your bc Marco Looked Sad are totally not dates!
Fuck ace goes a minute later. Sabo bursts out laughing bc he’s thinks it’s h i l a r i o u s and even Marco’s having to hold back a grin and Ace buries his face in his hands and is like why didn’t you TELL ME and sabo laughs even harder
Proper date!!! With ace giving them flowers !!! that he flew to idk persephone’s garden to get or smth and trying to Look his Best and marco and sabo are like. hearts melting awww gosh he’s just Trying So Hard they think it’s adorable they’re dying
BUT LOL ANYWAY WHILE THEY’RE ON THEIR DATE ROGER ENDS UP FINDING ACE BC ACE HAS BEEN IN ONE PLACE FOR SO LONG
AND SUMMONS THE THREE OF THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR DATE
AND ACE IS LIKE FUCK SERIOUSLY???????? W O R S T TIMING
also: “if i jumped off this god-summons cloud would u two get mad???”
“UM YES???” goes sabo, “dont leave us alone to face your boss!! you asshole!!!”
B o sss//// ace says, wheeze-laugh-dying, and Sabo’s like that’s Not making me Feel Better
“Lol so like……….I know this is breaking the only rule of first dates……..but like. Hey. Guys. Meet uh…My family lol”
[Marco, internally dying as he stares up at the towering figures that are Obviously trying to tower just for the kicks but haha doin a Good Job]
Sabo and Marco, slowly processing their boyfriend is n o t in fact a demigod, but rather an ACTUAL FUCKING GOD
WHAT THE FUCK ACE is Sabo’s first thought
that explains the rock thing is Marco’s first thought, followed by how the FUCK did i not see this coming
Roger who’s trying to glare at ace for running away and leaving, like NO!!!! NO!!! NOTE!!! THIS IS NOT POLITE BEHAVIOUR, SON!!!!
but then also DATES??????????? D A T E S ???? HIS LIL BOY IS D A T I N G??? HE’S ONLY LIKE 200 YEARS OLD HE SHOULD NOT BE DATING THATS ONLY LIKE 20 IN HUMAN YEARS
Roger who’s trying to look sternly @ ace and also threaten sabo/marco at the same time
Rouge standing in the background like “ace im going to kill you how dare you not say goodbye to me” except like the vague aura is directed at everyone (Mainly ace but like. Everyone knows she’s Super Annoyed)
Look Ace if you’d Just Said Goodbye, everything would have been Fine. Your mom’s Cool.
You didn’t say goodbye
or send her a single letter telling her how you were
she’s not that cool
Roger basically Dismissing Marco/Sabo and Ace gets super pissy and starts y e l l i n g at roger and then bc it’s like. realm of the gods ala mt Olympus or w/e the surroundings start to echo the mood and Ace is quite literally spitting fire and is shifting more and more into his less human form???? So a lot Taller and glowing, wispy eyes, and parts of him encased in flames, flames trapped and visible beneath his skin and Sabo reaches for Marco’s hand because he’s never seen Ace this angry and look he’s only human, he’s been exposed to a lot and he’s pretty brave, but Ace is-
upset. he doesn’t want to see Ace upset, because it hurts something in his own chest, and he can tell by Marco’s tight grip on his hand that Marco feels the same way
But then they almost get hurt in the backlash of Ace / Roger’s argument, and Marco yells at them to stop and Ace gets snapped back to himself rather than just the anger he is in god form, and almost immediately shrinks, and Roger gets SUPER mad bc he thinks they’ve been manipulating ace???????/ and trying to make him smaller than he is????? trying to make him human, and Roger views humans the same way one might view a stray, mangy pet; pityable, and a bit cute and fun to play with, but not-
not worth much.
“This is what humans are! They’re cowards and liars and thieves! And these two are trying to-”
“Make me fucking happy!?” Ace yells back, but he stays small and stands in front of his friends and refuses to go to his dad’s level because he’d gotten better. He wasn’t so angry and useless and bored and entertaining himself by hurting people, he was-
(Humans are worth just as much as gods. they sacrifice themselves for nothing more than it is right and kindness, when they know they won’t come back, when they know people won’t remember them, or know their names, or think of them again. Humans don’t ask to be worshipped, or praised, humans just- are.)
(And these two? These two, the way roger had spit out who they were like that could encapsulate who they were-)
Roger puts her hand on Roger’s shoulder just as Ace turns his back on his father and whispers carefully to sabo and asks if he’s okay and runs his fingers over Marco’s hand and assures himself that theyre okay and apologises for what happened and asks them to forgive him for hiding the truth and Ace being interested in something again, not looking lifeless and hollow and bored, and how ace had been arguing to protect them rather than just arguing because he was so uselessly angry-
Ace turning around again to glare at his father and snapping his fingers and dropping them back on earth and staggering to the side bc he didnt usually do that and Marco immediately helps steady him and they just
talk softly into the early hours of the morning and ace presses careful kisses to their cheekbones and lips and hands like he’s the one worshipping them, their callouses and scars and birthmarks, the way their bodies have changed over the years in ways that his never will, because he can change how he appears
There’s peace, for a week, a peace of careful exchanges as they slowly grow comfortable with this new knowledge - ace knowing that they know, marco and sabo coming to terms with the fact that ace could be terrifying (but he’d never scared them. he’d never, ever tried to scare them)
Then Rouge shows up. Obviously a goddess in human form, obviously perfect, obviously gentle and kind and smiling, and presses a kiss to Ace’s cheek and then one to Sabo’s and then one to Marco’s, and she smells like flowers and summer and home, like warmth and love and she’s so- perfect
Ace is cautious, because his mother can be worse than his father (he loves her more, afterall, she’s his mom and she has always been the one to protect him, with a fury that he never wants to be on the receiving end of). She smiles at him and tells him that as long as he’s happy she’s fine but that a letter or two wouldn’t have gone amiss and basically invites herself in to have tea / lunch and makes ace tell her about all his adventures and he starts off carefully and faltering because he still thinks it’s some plan of his father’s, but she laughs at all the right moments and asks questions and is just
his mom. She’s his mom and she loves the fuck out of him-
and he’s happy. Any fool could see that, and no fool would take him away from that
She bids them goodbye at sunset, promising to come back later if invited, and Ace says that he’ll try, and then rouge asks him to grab her shawl from inside and shoos him off to get it and looks at Sabo and Marco and her eyes soften and that almost makes it worse when she says, “you won’t hurt him, would you?” because to answer yes would be to disappoint her
Then Marco shakes his head and glares at her and goes we won’t. But not because we’re afraid of you, but because we don’t want to hurt him. First and foremost he’s our friend.
Rouge smiles, properly this time, with teeth and laughter and it sounds a bit threatening but they can tell she’s amused. “I’m so glad he found you.”
She kisses them both on the cheek and is gone before Ace comes out with empty hands, and they’re left to explain what happened before she left (Ace sighs and apologises, and Sabo laughs and says he’d never expected to deal with gods in his daily life).
Random members of ace’s family show up sometimes. Rouge declared it a Thing. They just. give the mas fam stuff. Tree that blooms all year round. Tiny plants / terrariums that are accurate details of places they know, right down to the tiny - living - animals. glass panes that show the weather in the future and mirrors that put together what you want to wear and have it folded up on the bench when you come back.
They don’t realise they’re still younger than everyone else until they realise just how old everyone else is. They don’t realise that gifts from the gods are sometimes ones you can’t see. They don’t realise, but by the point they do there is nothing to contest; they don’t want to leave Ace, and Ace doesn’t want to leave them. It helps that, for all the years they were living in the city/town no-one had become super c l o s e to them.  
They get known as the weird magicians at the end of the road, and kids get dared to knock on their door and ask for stuff. Sometimes ace opens it with part of his eye on fire and sometimes marco answers it with dough on his face and laughter from behind him and strange things in the kitchen and sometimes Sabo answers it but keeps the door half closed and as you walk home you can swear there’s something by your side.
(“What do you get when you mix home and something free?” Rouge asks one day, before they’re really comfortable around each other, tapping her teaspoon against the side of her cup, ankles crossed and poise perfect, and Sabo makes a curious noise in the back of his throat.
“What?”
Rouge smiles mischievously. “You already know him.”)
a Thing that I tried to write as the Start that would’ve been Fun: (from an alt!idea where Ace was literally on the run from angry gods for having stolen something ala prometheus and sabo/marco are gods/demigods sent to get it back but Whoops they’re In Love now).
Ace had run away from a lot of things in his life.
He’d been doing it his entire life, after all.
(He just really hadn’t expected to add “fleeing from angry gods” to his list of skills.)
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writingguide003-blog · 5 years ago
Text
'A total blast': our writers pick their favorite summer blockbusters ever
New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/a-total-blast-our-writers-pick-their-favorite-summer-blockbusters-ever/
'A total blast': our writers pick their favorite summer blockbusters ever
As the season heats up on the big screen, Guardian writers look back on their picks from the past with killer sharks, mournful crime-fighters and time-traveling teens
Face/Off (1997)
Photograph: Allstar/Cinetext/PARAMOUNT
Madman bomber Nicolas Cage stole John Travoltas dead sons life. So gloomy FBI agent Travolta steals Cages face. When Cage steals his face and his wife and freedom John Woos Face/Off becomes the biggest, wackiest and most operatic summer blockbuster in history, a gonzo combustion that flings everything from pigeons to peaches at the screen.
Hong Kong cineastes might applaud a script with roots in the ancient Sichuan opera genre Bian Lian, where performers swap masks like magic. Popcorn-munchers, of which I am front row center, are here to watch whack job Cage and soulful Travolta, two actors who love to go full-ham, play each other and go deep inside their iconographies. Call it hamception. Or just call it a crazy swing that hits a home run as Cavolta and Trage battling it out in a warehouse, a speedboat and, of course, a church. As Cage-as-Travolta gloats to Travolta-as-Cage, Isnt this religious? The eternal battle between good and evil, saint and sinners but youre still not having any fun! Maybe hes not, but we sure are. Bravo, bravo. AN
Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
Photograph: David James/Publicity image from film company
Theres been an increasing sense of desperation clinging to the majority of roles picked by Tom Cruise in recent years. Outside of the still shockingly entertaining Mission: Impossible series, he was miscast in the barely serviceable Jack Reacher and its maddeningly unnecessary sequel, his awards-aiming American Made was throwaway and his franchise-starting The Mummy was a franchise-killer. But four summers ago, he picked the right horse just maybe at the wrong time.
Because despite how deliriously fun Edge of Tomorrow was in the summer of 2014, audiences didnt show the requisite enthusiasm. It was a moderate success (enough to warrant a long-gestating sequel) but it should have packed them in, its combination of charm, invention and sheer thrills making it one of the most objectively successful blockbuster experiences in memory. The nifty plot device (Cruise must relive a day of dying while battling aliens over and over again) allowed for some dark gallows humor and a frenetic pace that kept us all giddily on edge while it also contained a dazzling action star turn from Emily Blunt whose fearless Full Metal Bitch wrestled the film away from Cruise. Blame its relative failure on the bland title? Cruise fatigue? Blockbuster over-saturation? Then find a digital copy to watch and rewatch and repeat. BL
Back to the Future (1985)
Photograph: Allstar/UNIVERSAL/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar
Back to the Future very nearly wasnt a summer blockbuster. The reshoots required after Eric Stoltz was booted off, then the fact Michael J Foxs Family Ties commitments meant he could only shoot at night all meant filming didnt wrap until late April. Robert Zemeckis and Steven Spielberg duly pencilled in an August / September release.
But then people started seeing it. Test scores were off the scale. Said producer Frank Marshall: Id never seen a preview like that. The audience went up to the ceiling. So they bagsied the best spot the year had to offer 3 July hired a squad of sound editors to work round the clock and two print editors with instructions to get properly choppy. They did, and those big trims tightened yet further one of the tautest screenplays (by Bob Gale) cinema has ever seen. The only bit of fat they left was the Johnny B Goode scene: sure, it didnt advance the story, but the kids at those test screenings knew we were gonna love it. Back to the Future is a pure shot of summer cinema: grand, ambitious, insanely entertaining. Deadpool, Avengers, take note: a blockbuster can be smart as hell so long as it wears it lightly. In the end, by the way, the film spent 11 weeks at number 1 at the US box office. Thats essentially the whole summer. CS
Teminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Photograph: Allstar/TRISTAR/Sportsphoto Ltd./Allstar
The first film I ever saw at the cinema was The Rocketeer. We drove into Bradford city centre, bought our tickets at the Odeon and sat through the 1991 tale which followed the fortunes of a stunt pilot, a rocket pack and a Nazi agent played by Timothy Dalton who sounded like he was from Bury rather than Berlin. The way into the multiplex there was a huge poster for Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Arnie sat on a Harley with a shotgun cocked and ready. My dad was a huge fan of the original but he still couldnt swing taking a seven-year-old to see it. It wasnt until I borrowed a VHS copy that I finally got to see what was behind that image. Skynet, dipshits, T-1000s, a nuclear holocaust and a motorbike chases on the LA river.
Blockbusters dont usually have that edge: theres a more brazen mainstream appeal. But Judgment Day was and still is an exception. It did huge numbers at the box office (more than $500m), was a rare sequel that was arguably better than the original and introduced really odd bits of Spanish idiom into the Bradford schoolyard lexicon. I probably would have been scarred for life watching it as a seven-year-old, but as a teenager it gave me a story I doubt Ill ever get tired of revisiting. LB
The Dark Knight (2008)
Photograph: Allstar/WARNER BROS.
The summer of 2008 was a busy one: Barack Obama emerged from a contentious democratic primary to become the first ever black presidential nominee of a major party. The dam fortifying the entire global financial system was about to burst. China hosted its first ever Summer Olympics. But somehow, and not exactly to my credit, what I remember most from that summer is the uncanny, ridiculously over-the-top publicity blitzkrieg that preceded the release of The Dark Knight, which has since emerged as not just an all-time great summer blockbuster, but an all-time great American film, period.
There were faux-political billboards that read I believe in Harvey Dent; a weirdly nondescript website of the same name; Joker playing cards dispersed throughout comic book stores, which led fans to another website where the DA was defaced with clown makeup. Dentmobiles, Gotham City voter registration cards, a pop-up local news channel: the marketing campaign might have seemed excessive had the movie not so convincingly topped it. Ten years later, as films like Deadpool and Avengers: Infinity War try to reach those same heights of virality, The Dark Knight remains the measuring stick by which every superhero movie, and superhero villain, is measured. JN
Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Photograph: Jasin Boland/AP
In many ways, Fury Road is summer: arid, scorching, bright enough to be squinted at. The driving force behind all the high-impact driving is scarcity of water, the essence of life in a desert where death practically rises up from the burning sand. Even in the air-conditioned comfort of a multiplex auditorium in Washington DCs Chinatown, watching George Millers psychotic motor opera left this critic sweaty and parched. My world is fire and blood, warns the weary Max Rockatansky (Tom Hardy) in the scripts opening lines. Staggering out of a theater into the oppressive rays of the sun, it sure can feel that way.
Millers masterpiece fits into the summer blockbuster canon in a less literal capacity as well, striking its ideal balance of dazzling technical spectacle and massively-scaled emotional catharsis. There was plenty of breathless praise to go around upon this films 2015 release, much of it for the feats of practical-effects daring, but the hysterical extremes of feeling cemented its status as a modern classic. I cant deny that Ive watched the polecat sequence upwards of a dozen times, but Millers film truly comes alive in Furiosas howl of desperation, and in Maxs noble disappearance into the throng. CB
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo
Its the music, its the giant boulder, its the Old Testament mysticism, its the whip, its the Cairo Swordsman, its Harrison Fords crooked smile, its the bad dates, its Karen Allen drinking a sherpa under the table, its the melted faces and exploding heads. Its all these things plus having the good fortune of seeing this at the cinema at a very young age, therefore watching most of it through my terrified fingers. (Indy tells Marion to keep her eyes shut during the cosmic spooky ending; way ahead of you there!)
The modern blockbuster as we know it was created by Steven Spielberg with Jaws and George Lucas with Star Wars, so the hype was unmatched when the two collaborated in 1981 with Raiders of the Lost Ark. As a kid I had no idea this was a loving homage to cliffhanger serials from the 30s and 40s, I took it as pure adventure. The seven-and-a-half minute desert truck chase (I dont know, Im making thus up as I go) is probably the best action sequence in all of cinema (John Woos Hard Boiled does not have a horse, sorry), but watching as an adult one notices a lot of sophisticated humor, too. (Indy being too exhausted to make love to Marion, for example, is something that didnt connect when I was six.)
Its strange to think I watched these cartoon Nazis on VHS with my grandparents who had escaped the Holocaust, and no one benefits when you do the math to figure out how young Marion was when, as Indy puts it, you knew what you were doing. But for thrills, laughs and propulsive camerawork (though a little mild Orientalism), nothing tops this one. JH
Independence Day (1996)
Photograph: Everett/REX/Shutterstock
Short of actually calling their film Summer Blockbuster, rarely can a films height-of-summer release date been so central to a films raison detre. This being the mid-90s, when po-mo and self-referentiality was all the rage, brazenly hooking your tentpole film to 4 July was seen as a pretty smart idea.
Fortunately, all the ducks did line up in a row for ID4: a game-changing performance from Will Smith, Jeff Goldblum at (arguably) his funniest, a rousingly Clintoneque president in Bill Pullman and most importantly in that run-up to the millennium physical destruction on a gigantic scale. Much comment at the time was expended on the laser obliteration of the White House (an early shot from the Tea Party/Maga crowd?), but I personally cherish director Roland Emmerichs signature move of detonating cars in somersault formation. Like many other huge-budget films then and since, Independence Day was basically a tooled-up retread of cheap-as-chips format of earlier decades though who these days would roll such expensive dice on what is essentially an original script, with no comic book or toy branding as a forerunner? We shall never see its like again. AP
Aliens (1986)
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An Aliens summer is one for moviegoers who prefer to sit in in darkened rooms when the sun is shining; the brutal confines of the fiery power plant make an excellent subliminal ad for air conditioning. In 1986, James Cameron took Ridley Scotts elegant, iconic horror template and turned it into an all-out action blockbuster, forcing Ripley once again to face down her nemeses in a breathless fug of claustrophobia, sweat and fear. Its relentlessly stressful and unbelievably thrilling.
I first saw Aliens many years after its initial release. Owing to its sizeable and long-lasting legacy, it was at once immediately familiar, yet also brisk and brutally fresh. I understood that it was a classic, but I wasnt prepared for just how good it is, for the pitch-perfect management of tension, the pace that never really lets up, the emotional pull. The maternal undertow of Ripleys protection of Newt, and the alien mirror of that, adds a level of heart unusual in most blockbusters, and her frustration at being a woman whose authority must be earned again and again, and then proven again and again, remains grimly relevant, 30 years on. Its also a total blast. Now get away from her, you bitch. RN
Jaws (1975)
Photograph: Fotos International/Getty Images
It is the great summer blockbuster ancestor the film that in 1975 more or less invented the concept of the event movie. And unlike all those other summer blockbusters, Steven Spielbergs Jaws is actually about the summer; it is explicitly about the institution of the summer vacation, into which the movie was being sold as part of the seasonal entertainment. It is about the sun, the sand, the beach, the ocean and the entirely justified fear of being eaten alive by an enormous shark with the appetite of a serial killer and the cunning of a U-boat commander. And more than that: it is about that most contemporary of political phenomena: the coverup, the town authorities at a seaside resort putting vacationers at risk by not warning them about the shark. The Jaws mayor has become comic shorthand for the craven and pusillanimous politician.
A blockbuster nowadays means spectacular digital effects, but this film is from an analogue world. It bust the block through brilliant film-making and an inspired score from John Williams, summoning up the shark with a simple two-note theme which became the most famous musical expression of evil since Bernard Herrmanns shrieking violin stabs in Psycho took the place of actual knife-slashing. I still remember the excitement of the summer of 1975, and the queues around the block at the Empire, in Watford, round the corner from the football ground. The inspired brevity of the title meant the word was repeated over and over again to fill the marquee display: JAWS JAWS JAWS as if they were screaming it! PB
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