#being self destructive and putting himself in danger? the ending?

[silverwhittlingknife]

good coping mechanisms [not pictured]

nightwing 116 & red robin 12

[paintedkinzy-88]

Let's take a step back (or rather, forward) and indulge my wandering mind. Behold! Bad Future Dragos!

I want it to be clear that these are at the... latest point in their lives (AKA, before they die) rather than all at the same time. The design choices are very deliberate in that case.

As always, off I ramble---

Raphael was often called the "Umbrella" of the Resistance, due to his habit of shielding those around him with his wings. He's always done this, ever since he was a dragonet, but the danger is much more real now, and he has a lot more people to protect. As it is, his wings are torn beyond repair. Unless he uses his Ninpo, flying is no longer an option. It's also because of this tendency to constantly throw himself into the front lines that he lost one of his legs. Lucky, Donnie was able to craft multiple prosthetics for him, as his size grew bigger and bigger each day, at a much faster rate than his brothers. Unfortunately, this also made him a bigger target, as he was the first Hamato casualty.

Speaking of Donnie, that serpent held the Resistance together, no doubt about it. He wasn't often put on the battlefield, as his skills were much more needed within their bases building defenses, weapons, armor, indoor gardens, and so much more. He was essential to their survival, working the hardest out of the group of engineers and construction workers they were able to recruit. However, after loosing his tail, back leg, and, temporarily, his voice to Krang hounds, he was kept strictly on base only, much to his dismay. With his focus so narrowed down to just build build build, Donnie created more and more pieces of tech to help him do so, like multiple Shelldon bodies and a constant supply of robot arms (that could of course be used as weapons in a pinch). In the end, keeping him so guarded didn't matter. When one of their hideouts was ransacked before they could escape, Donnie stayed behind to initiate a self destruct. He took out the sister Krang in the blast, as well as a sizable chunk of their army.

Leo was the seemingly fearless leader of the survivors, his way of words convincing countless people of all kinds to join their forces. He actually only took charge after Draxum's death, since the yokai had previous experiences in mass wars and lead them as well as he could prior to Leo. His fins have certainly seen better days, but swimming wasn't much of an option after a few years anyways, as the Krang eventually made the oceans far to toxic to be in. Eventually, with his fins so torn up, Donnie did make him prosthetic wings, as attacking from the air was such an incredible advantage. He also ended up taking one of Raph's old arms after a wound left them having to amputate, and resources to build a brand new one were slim pickings. Sadly, after Donnie's passing, there wasn't anyone with the same knowledge to fix and manage the wings, leading to them eventually just breaking off. Leo mostly uses them to stab aliens now.

Mikey gained a growing group of worshippers rather quickly. He hates it immensely, but his family finds it hilarious. With his mystic powers only gaining strength, and getting increasingly flashy as well, it wasn't too much of a surprise that people would see him as an angel, godlike figure, or deity. He was the heaviest hitter of the Resistance, even before Raph's passing, and spent any free time he had either speaking to their ancestors or helping people nurture the little remaining hope in their base. Despite being almost constantly on the frontlines of the worst battles, Mikey has the fewest scars.

AND, FINALLY: Heights. With a quickly added April to help out. Again, these are at the latest stage of their lives, because Raph would definitely have been Much Bigger Than That had he lived to be Leo's old man age.

(And Donnie has always been the taller twin. It's not his fault Leo had more time to gain a few inches on him.)

[weefers-x2]

It's so interesting seeing all the protagonists flaws so clear and seeing the consequences of them right in front of us. Also I like analysing things and people

Wemmbu doesn't care about people except for Eggchan, and he has close to no allies now because he prioritises himself over anyone he's made connections with. He became close with Wato from their time together, and mind you Wato hates talking to people. They had trust in each other, Jaron gave him the mace out of trust, Pangi was Pangi, and he just abandons Skyblock Civilization when given the option to escape danger. He only cares about Eggchan, and maybe debatabally Zam because he was worried about Zam being completely alone against Clown's goons and prioritised Zam's safety in the end

Spoke on the other hand cares too much. He puts so much faith and trust into the people he meets. He was easily tricked by Ashswag because he trusted Ash so heavily that the only thing that made him lose that trust was the fact that Ash blew up the farms for no good reason. Minute saved him one time and his reaction was to put so much trust in him, and he lost Minute to the Mafia. And literally Planet was spying on them while invisible but then was so quick to be like "yeah he's nice we should team". Similarly with Bacon, he put a lot of faith in him to be an excellent teammate and Bacon runs at the first sign of danger

Parrot doesn't care about himself. He cares about himself so little that he forgets to care about anyone else, and it caused him and Wifies to have a falling out. He didn't care enough about how Wifies felt. He's reckless with his own life and it fully contradicts what Wifies wanted. He watched Luigi die at the hands of the mafia, and now the only thing on his mind was to get revenge even if it killed him. He's so selfless that he's selfish. He was willing to keep Dean on the team even after finding out he has been the reason the mafia kept finding them and putting them in danger, evident from the fact that he was running around trying to find Dean for a good few minutes because he didn't want Dean to be by himself. When he was being chased by Clown is put Wifies in danger, and he thought the only way for everyone to be safe was to disappear of the face of the earth. And that still put Wifies in danger because Clown threatened his life if he didn't tell him where Parrot was. He cares about himself so little that he tunnel visions on anything self destructive and forgets to think about how it would affect others because he thinks it's better for everyone

They're all so flawed and I think that's so beautiful. This was also an essay that I did not expect to become an essay

[shall-we-die]

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[A]ccident: Would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?

Yes, he’d most likely blame himself if you died in a accident.

He'll think of what he could’ve done to save you, he would constantly think of ways that he could have saved you but just failed to do so.

Sylus will be completely messed up and have a hard time coping with your death, he would go down a really dark path of depression  and self destruction.

Not tears, no words, no smoke or alcohol. But he’ll be ruined.

"So... it feels like this, kitten, huh?... it's how it feels when you lose your beloved one." His face looks indifferent, staring at your picture.

"Sorry... I've made you feel like this last time. It seems it's my turn now."

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[B]reak up: How would they break up with you?

Sylus is reluctant and absolutely hates to break up with you, he doesn’t want to end the relationship, he hates the thought of it.

"Where the hell you're going without me, miss hunter?"

He absolutely feels guilty when breaking up with you, like it physically pains him to do it.

But he'll do it if he found out being with you means he'll hurt you more.

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[C]rying: How would they make you cry?

Sylus will probably argue with you from time to time and that might result in you crying, he might be a bit too sarcastic or say something he doesn’t mean but ends up hurting you. (he’ll feel really guilty when you’re crying because of him.)

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[D]eath: How would they react to your death?

He’d probably be in denial in the beginning, he absolutely refuses to believe that you’re dead, thinking that you would somehow come back like a miracle.

"It's my turn to curse you, right? Then you'll back to me?"

once it fully kicks in that you’re gone and there’s no way for you to come back, he’d probably sink into an absolutely devastating depression and lose all motivation to do anything.

"Don't worry, I'll wait for you. You know how patient I am."

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[E]motion: What is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?

Sylus usually tries to hide any kind of vulnerability, like the fact that he’s sad, in emotional pain, or anything like that.

he’ll always try to act tough and indifferent to everything, like the fact that he’s affected by anything?

anyone that sees him would think that he’s emotionless, a monster, scary and cold.

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[F]ight: Do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.

Like all couples do, you'll fight too. From small bickering to bigger fights.

the fights could be about anything, little things like being jealously over someone, to bigger things, like you not liking his cruel behavior.

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[G]uilt: What is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?

He mostly feels guilty when he thinks you’re in danger because of him. And the fact that he can’t protect you from everything and that he’s the one that’s potentially putting your life in danger because of his work.

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[H]eartbreak: What would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?

Sylus hates it if he found out you were lying about something or if you weren’t being honest with him.

"I'm hurt, miss hunter. Don't you see me that reliable to tell me about this? Hmm?"

"Tell me. I'll listen to your excuses."

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[I]njured: How would they react if you are badly injured?

He'll not show it but will be absolutely terrified at the sight of you being badly injured.

He tries to keep his cool and not show how scared and worried he is when he sees you covered in blood.

He'll try to help you and get you patched up and get you checked out right away, he’d do anything to make sure you’re treated right and taken care of.

"Did you really think you have 9 lives just because I call you 'kitten'?" *hugging you tightly as he checks the wound on your arm.*

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[J]ealousy: What do they do if they are jealous?

Sylus is not a teenager, and won't getting annoyed because ridiculous things, but when someone really dares to flirt with you...

Sylus gets pissed. And when he gets pissed, that person will die that night like they were never born.

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[K]ill: Would they kill for revenge?

Sylus will definitely kill someone if it meant taking revenge for you, especially if they harm you somehow.

he doesn’t really care about anything or anyone else when you’re in danger, he only wants to protect you and will do anything to make sure your safety is prioritized.

Yes, he’d probably have few limits when it comes to harming other people for you and to protect you.

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[L]oss: What is their greatest loss?

One thing Sylus most definitely wouldn’t want to lose is you, he’d probably be absolutely devastated and wouldn’t know what to do if something ever happened to you.

he’d also consider his own sanity and his self control one of the most important things he doesn’t want to lose, because he knows that he might actually go insane without you.

(he’d also be incredibly unhappy if he suddenly lost his position or any of his connections, it’d probably feel crippling to lose any power that he holds.)

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[M]istake: What is the worst mistake they ever made with you?

The biggest mistake he made with you was not telling you about his feelings sooner, he knows that he just make you confused by not telling you how he feels.

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[N]ightmares: How often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?

Sylus does have nightmares from time to time, especially about failing you in some way or not being able to protect you.

He'll get up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and will try his best not to wake you up in case you’re asleep.

He won't pant or scream, just sat up in bed... clutches his chest because he feels that his heart might explode at any moment.

After watching your peaceful sleepy face, he finally calm himself down as he hugs you tighter.

"You can't run away, kitten. Not as long as this heart of mine in beating."

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[O]utrage: How and why would they get mad at you?

Sylus doesn’t really get mad at you a lot, he definitely prefers being affectionate and playful with you.

the only time he’d get mad at you is when you do something really reckless or dangerous that could end up putting you in harm.

"You really like to fool around, don't you, miss hunter?"

he might also become annoyed if he thinks that you’re trying to do things alone and refusing to let him help you, he doesn’t really like it.

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[P]ast: What has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?

You’ve seen the worst side of him in the very first meeting, so you'll not see anything more worse than that.

However, sometimes fear comes back to you. When he reaches his hand towards you and you tremble, taking a step back.

And he'll be annoyed and ashamed because the behaviors he showd to you.

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[Q]uality: Quality? what is their most dangerous/toxic?

Sylus can get pretty toxic or overly possessive during heated arguments, especially when he feels like you’re slipping away from him or losing your feelings for him

(Don't get me wrong, he doesn't suffer from a lack of self-confidence, he simply can't stand you walking away from him. He knows that he will never let you go away anyway, but sometimes he just can't hide his anger and fear.)

Sylus might say stuff that he does’t really mean, things that he’ll end up regretting and apologizing for later.

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[R]ejection: How would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around?)

"What do you mean, kitten?" if you rejected his confession, he’d be caught off guard and probably would just freeze for a couple of seconds.

But he’d probably try to act indifferent and shrug it off, he’d try to look like he doesn’t care and he’s not upset.

"It's fine, kitten."

On the inside, he’d be feeling a mixture of pain and sadness, trying to process the fact that you rejected his confession.

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[S]cars: Battle or self-inflicted?

He has many scars that surely are for battle. And surely he can treat them and they'll be okay. But sometimes... he just wants you to treat his scars, so after that, he won't let his scars get healed.

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[T]rust: Have they ever broken your trust?

Sylus feels guilty about not being completely honest, especially if you find out about his secrets from someone else or if he ever gets caught doing something shady.

"It was for your own good, miss hunter."

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[U]rge: How badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?

Sylus will miss you like hell, every second that you aren’t together, he’d be miserable.

he’d constantly think about you and probably be really grumpy or annoyed, just sitting around and staring out the window and thinking about you.

he’d probably be counting down the hours and minutes until he can see you again and be with you again.

He hides all these feelings behind a mask of indifference. While he asks Mephisto to stalk you.

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[V]icious: What do they do when they lash out on you?

When he does lash out at you, he definitely feels bad about it after, he’ll probably want to apologize right away or at least try to explain that he didn’t really mean what he said.

he’d probably try to calm down once he’s had a moment to himself, he’ll try to take his mind off the argument.

after he’s calmed down, he’ll probably try to talk to you again and try to resolve whatever disagreement you have or whatever the argument is about.

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[W]eak: What makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?

Sylus hates feeling vulnerable or weak, he always wants to appear strong and untouchable. he tries to avoid any kind of situation which might make him appear weak, he never lets anyone to see any of his emotional side unless it’s you.

he tries to always be in control of any kind of situation and be as strong as possible, being seen as weak is probably his biggest trigger and he’d do anything to avoid it.

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[X]-ray: What do they hate and show it most obviously?

He hates when people try to get in his business or ask too many question about him and his work, he can’t stand it when other people poke around in his personal life.

he also loathes when other people take you away from him, like when you pay more attention to other people than to him.

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[Y]earn: What is one thing that they want but can't have?

One thing he really wants is to be able to be completely open and vulnerable with you, to let you see the weaker, emotional side of him.

He wants to be himself completely around you and not have to play the cold and tough part anymore.

He wants to be able to actually talk about his feelings and how much he loves and cares for you, without having to hide under a mask of indifference.

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[Z]ero: What do they do/say in your dying moments?

He’d probably be completely broken, the person who’s normally so cool and calculated just completely breaks down if you’re dying in front of him.

His eyes would probably go wide in pure shock, like he can’t believe it’s really happening. he’d immediately start trying to treat your wounds or at least slow down your death, desperate to keep you alive.

He wouldn’t really be thinking straight, his mind would probably be going a thousand miles an hour as he’s desperately trying to understand what’s happening and what he could do to save you.

Sylus probably be absolutely heartbroken, the reality of you being dying in front of him slowly sinking in while he just hopelessly holds you in his arms.

[erulasse23]

Frodo & PTSD: Definition of Trauma

As a quick introduction, I recently finished a Lord of the Rings trilogy re-read and as an adult with a psychology background, I am endlessly fascinated with Tolkien’s portrayal of trauma and its affects through Frodo in particular. This is going to be multiple parts, but I want to start with a definition of trauma and what Frodo might have found traumatic about his journey.

A simple google search suggests the following definition of trauma: “A deeply distressing or overwhelming experience that can have lasting negative effects on a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being.” Some deeper research highlights certain elements of the causes and effects of trauma.

- Trauma is defined by the way our brains process an experience as highly threatening or dangerous, such that it overwhelms our ability to cope. In this sense, trauma is highly subjective.

- Trauma can be one event, or repeated exposure to stressors.

- Trauma literally re-wires our brain. A prolonged or severe stress response (fight or flight) has significant physical impact on our bodies including our nervous system, hormones, cardiovascular system, etc. PTSD occurs when these systems do not go back to normal after the threat is gone, and we lose the ability to successfully regulate our attention and emotions.

What is unique about Frodo, compared to the rest of the Fellowship, is that he carried the Ring and experienced both its pressures and the presence of the Eye for an extended time. The Eye, referring to Sauron’s metaphysical presence and attention, is described in terms of a threat. Carrying the Ring feels like there is a monster around the corner at every turn, waiting in suspense for a jump scare, constantly being chased and barely staying out of reach. In short, it’s a prolonged, acute stress response happening inside Frodo’s brain for months, exhausting his physical and emotional resources.

Other research about trauma indicates that experiences which significantly alter our self-perception (ideas about who and how we are) are significantly more difficult to process and move past. Frodo giving in to the Ring and claiming it in the end certainly had a huge impact on his self-image. You can see this in how he treats Saruman and the ruffians in ‘The Scouring of the Shire’. Compared to the other hobbits, even kind Sam, Frodo is much more forgiving and empathetic. I believe that is because he identifies with these “bad guys” now. His experience changed him in a way that not even Sam’s did, who was with him to the end.

The other event which causes a PTSD-like response in Frodo (which I’ll get into in another post) is being stabbed by a Nazgûl on Weathertop. Why does this affect him just as much as the Ring and Sauron’s destruction? There are two reasons. One, the Nazgûl have a certain power over despair. We see this later in the Black Breath and particularly Merry and Eowyn’s wounds (which they recover from, perhaps unlike Frodo, but that’s another post too). Two, as soon as Frodo is revived, before he even is tended to by Elrond, he “bitterly regretted his foolishness, and reproached himself for weakness of will” in putting on the Ring. His self-image again plays a large part in his difficulty healing even after Elrond removes the splinter that was left in his shoulder.

In ‘Homeward Bound’ Frodo says to Gandalf, “The wound aches, and the memory of darkness is heavy on me… Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same; for I shall not be the same. I am wounded with knife, sting, and tooth, and a long burden.”

Part Two | Part Three

[mswolfette]

LMK Sun Wukong Passive Suicidal Ideation Theory Part 1: Wukong's Self Sacrifices

TW: Suicide, Suicidal Ideation

Sun Wukong is a fascinating character. A character who is as selfish as he is selfless. Despite his flaws, his selflessness has no bounds, especially when it comes to saving the world or the people they care about. Sometimes it can be considered selfless to the point of self-destruction. Save others than yourself. There's been something that's been at the back of my head regarding Wukong ever since the beginning of S3. It was an interesting thought, but ever since S4 and especially S5 (and esp the last 2 episodes). Heck someone even played it off as a dark joke. But that brings me up to my theory/possible hc: Sun Wukong has possible passive suicidal ideation.

(Note: I am not a professional in either the JTTW or in the medical field and I'm basically my theory off of some of the symptoms I've researched combined with how Wukong acts in the show. So please take this with a grain of salt).

Alright, so let's define Su1c1dal Ideation.

According to CharlieHealth, "Passive Suicidal Ideation refers to having thoughts of death without a clear plan or intent to actively end your own life..." and according to Meghan Jensen of Clear Health it can "occur when an individual no longer has the motivation to live, but does not have a clear plan to take their life."

With Wukong, he definitely seems to fall somewhat under a lack of motivation to live, as there are several times he has gone on record with being either incredibly reckless with his life engaging in several acts of attempted self-sacrifice:

Strike 1 (Getting the Samadhi Fire Map):

During the flashback fight between Wukong and Ne Zha in s3e1, Wukong is about to reach into the Lotus Scroll. However, Wukong mentions that breaking the seal on the Lotus Scroll has the potential to destroy them both (despite both characters being immortal figures). Wukong's reaction to this is interesting, as he just quietly smiles and affirms that by saying. "I know." He even cracks a joke at that, willingly taking the hit anyways, regardless of the consequences to his well-being (and to a minor sense Ne Zha's). He disregards his well-being for the greater good, ready to die for something as drastic as this.

Strike 2: Wukong's Intended Samadhi Fire Plan

This leans more into the hidden implications but its still pretty prevalent. In s3e10, when the Samadhi Fire ritual was completed, turning Mei into the fourth ring, he reveals his plan to get the Samadhi Fire.

His plan was to intend to possibly start the ritual and transfer the Samadhi Fire into himself to control and destroy the Lady Bone Demon. This for all intensive purposes and can be implied to be a suicide mission.

Referring to some of the knowledge I have from the JTTW, the Samadhi Fire is one of the few fires Wukong can get incredibly wounded by, as he even got incapicated from it during one of his battles. And bringing up the LMK lore within itself Ne Zha mentioned that the reason only Mei was kept alive was because of her dragon heritage, mentioning that everyone else could've burned into a crisp. It was a fire so strong even Wukong alone couldn't put out, and we see how powerful it was to greatly charr MK once and knock him back.

And Wukong knows that he cant necessarily handle it. He's not dumb, he's all too aware about the Samadhi Fire and its danger. This was a plan he was fully intended to never come back from.

Strike 2.5: Fighting Despite the Odds

This is not as prevalent as the other two but its still noticeable. In s3e10, Wukong continues to make the risky self-sacrificing play by going on his own. The odds have never been more stacked against him, rather letting himself get taken down than the others. Even if Ne Zha believes that the chances are slim.

Strike 3: Wukong's Closest Sacrifice

Wukong makes the play to sacrifice himself, as he realizes that MK will commit that sacrifice at all costs. No ifs, and, or buts about it. It seems like the way out for him, with the idea being this will for the better in order to protect the person who's unconditionally cared for him the most.

While these sacrifices show a lot about Wukong as a character, there's also how he tends to talk about himself occasionally. He has major self worth issues. There are three instances of this clear and simple.

However that's for Part 2.

I do hope you like this despite the dark topic manner.

[itsabouttimex2]

AHH! Love reading your lost and found fic !! Did not expect Monkey king to pull out the circlet 👀

I was wondering; not a request! I would love to hear your thoughts on this please ?

Do you think yandere Monkey king would pull out a circlet for any of his darlings ?

Like would platonic monkey king put a circlet on MK after he tried to sacrifice himself or would he not ?

Would yan Monkey king put a circlet on the reader or not cause it depends on the reader species (would he do it if reader was a demon or a deity or would he never do it if reader was human?) (or would it depends on how he sees them platonically or romanticly?)

Or would you say Macaque is the only exception since he can teleport, manipulate? Love to hear your thoughts please 💗

Sun Wukong and Circlets

In my opinion, the only way to get Sun Wukong (and most characters in general) to use a circlet, is to be an openly dangerous individual or active threat.

It doesn’t happen just happen for anyone- because Wukong isn’t willing to torture any of his potential cubs/mates.

It’s only when they’ve taken that first step into “legitimate threat” territory that the king will actively try to hamper their free will, and if Y/N is a deity who’s decided that hurting people seems pretty alright, then they do get the circlet, but a demon!Y/N who just wants to get by doesn’t.

Like, if he gets some big dad feelings and decides that MK is his precious cub, he’s not breaking out a torture apparatus when the real answer is just to snatch the kid up and spirit him away to FFM. He is getting a big long lecture, twenty minutes of corner time, and many lost privileges after his “sacrifice stunt”- like being allowed to use any potential weapons or go outside alone. If MK wants to go outside, it’s only allowed if he’s directly in contact with Sun Wukong, whether through hand-holding or an outright child harness.

(And any further attempts to engage in self-destructive behavior end with Wukong continually upping his “gear”- if what it takes to keep MK safe is taped on mittens and a sweater zipped up from behind to keep it from being removed? Well, fine.)

If he went after Tang or Pigsy or whoever, really, they don’t get circlets because they aren’t dangerous.

Macaque, Azure, Xiangliu- all dangerous individuals willing to hurt people (less so for Macaque starting season 4), so he’s not exactly against collaring them with a heavenly band after what they’ve pulled- although partially only to prevent them from being hauled off to whatever kind of prison that the Celestial Realm’s got cooked up.

[valenteal]

I think Dazai’s relationship with Atsushi is the only truly healthy one he’s ever had…

As much as Atsushi looks up to and feels like he owes Dazai, he doesn’t really put up with his shit. He doesn’t ignore or dismiss Dazai’s self destructive behavior but he also doesn’t judge or coddle him for it. He isn’t afraid to call Dazai out or acknowledge his flaws and he doesn’t listen and obey him blindly, unless he is in an immediately dangerous situation where hesitation could mean death. He doesn’t really let Dazai push him away either, he remains a stable source of comfort, someone Dazai can always rely on to help him.

All of Dazai’s other relationships, even Oda, had toxic aspects, some more than others certainly but still. Dazai can never trust Kunikida to accept him, Dazai’s entire being goes against his ideals no matter how much they may care about each other. Oda was always accepting and he was reliably there when Dazai needed him, but he’d also given up on Dazai to an extent, he didn’t actively try to help him at all until he was dying, he was kind of a passive person in general and even admitted that he wished he’d done more for Dazai. These relationships are not incredibly harmful, only damaging in subtle psychological ways that likely impacted Dazai’s self worth and his ability to feel comfortable or known. But still. Not healthy.

With Chuuya and Mori it’s quite a bit more obvious but I’ll explain how I see it anyway.

Dazai’s relationship with Chuuya, as much as it’s defined by mutual trust and respect, is poisoned by Dazai’s controlling behavior toward Chuuya. There are not one but TWO canonical instances where Dazai orchestrated the loss of Chuuya’s entire support network, during the 15 arc and in Storm Bringer. Neither instance was solely because he wanted Chuuya to himself but it was a motivating factor and the result was the same. Except of course Chuuya didn’t really blame him either time because he was able to deflect the blame onto Mori and Verlaine. But Chuuya isn’t unaware of Dazai’s role in either case, and he doesn’t forget. And Dazai doesn’t want to be so close to Chuuya. He doesn’t want someone to know him so well or to grow an attachment that he thinks will only end in pain, and he pushes Chuuya away violently when he remembers that. The thing that makes it toxic is that he forgets when he spends time with Chuuya because he just genuinely really likes him and enjoys his company. They are both each other’s only peers, in both rank and intellect. As much as they fights it, that means something to them both and it tied them together when Dazai was still in the mafia. And that’s not even touching on the rivalry between them, which isn’t inherently toxic but certainly has the potential to be, especially when paired with everything else.

And now we get to Mori. Dazai’s guardian, doctor, boss, and partner in crime. The man who saved his life more times than they can count. The man who gave him purpose and meaning in his life. Who brought him and Chuuya together. Who was responsible for Oda’s death. Who lied to him, used him, planned to kill him. Who trusted him, confided in him, shared his secrets with him. Their relationship is so complex, and in different circumstances it could have been very healthy. Mori truly cares about Dazai, and I think Dazai cared for Mori in return. It’s impossible to spend so much time with someone, share so much, without growing to care for them at all. And Mori and Dazai are so similar, they naturally understood each other and agreed with one another for a long time. One incident soured their relationship. But it still wasn’t healthy before that. Mori was using Dazai, putting him in a position no child or teenager should be in with little regard for his mental health. He still presumably gave Dazai drugs, though we don’t know what kind I think it safe to assume they weren’t regular antidepressants or anxiety prescriptions. Might have just been weed, but I doubt it. Anyway. Point is, Mori treated Dazai like an adult who was allowed to make their own terrible decisions, but took it a step further and pushed him towards those decisions for his own gain. Yes he cared about Dazai, and no he didn’t force him into anything, but he was irresponsible and manipulative all the same.

Anyway, I am once again writing an analysis on Dazai’s relationships in the middle of the night when I am supposed to be asleep. I have a Problem. Hope my sleep deprivation didn’t affect the quality lol

[asarigg]

Inside the Character's Mind: Part 1

mentions of physical, psychological and sexual abuse towards both Koujaku and his mother

SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

Let’s go back to the beginning. Or rather, what Koujaku tells us. He also talks about himself, of course, but usually when he talks about his past, most of the time he talks about his mother: because that’s what hurts him the most. He barely mentions the abuse towards him other than the tattoo and that one time his father punched him. But he always talks about all the hardships that his family put his mother through. And I’m sure you’ll agree with me that it is hard to believe that was it.

Koujaku’s father has proven to be an extremely violent piece of shit and a zero-empathetic person. I don’t doubt that Koujaku’s mother, because of her nature, was his favorite toy. What’s more, he did every cruel thing he could think of to her, his wife too, she had fresh wounds every day and she couldn’t even eat, and although it isn’t said nor implied I wouldn’t be surprised if Koujaku was a product of rape. I mean… most likely. We hardly know anything about his mother, not her appearance, not her name, not what she liked, not how the hell she ended up in that place, if there was any love involved in it or if it was something about debt, we only know that she was the perfect victim.

She was always saying sorry to her son, for everything Koujaku’s been witnessing, she feels guilty and responsible because he tries to stand up for her, and because she has brought him to a world where the one that decides for them is a criminal. She keeps a deep pain inside for everything that’s happening and she tries to hide it, especially from Koujaku, and seeing her son suffer doesn’t help. Smiling to him so he doesn’t worry, and saying sorry to try to comfort him. That’s why the last thing she repeats over and over to her son when she’s lethally wounded is “I’m sorry”, feeling sorry that it’s because of her that he has lived like this, because she wasn’t able to protect him, to give him a proper life.

Obviously all his father did was also psychological abuse towards Koujaku, even blackmailing him with hurting his mother. But I sincerely believe that his father would use physical abuse to teach the boy a lesson, nothing could stop him anyway, because Koujaku as a child complained and rebelled, he didn’t care if his father hit him, he would defend his mother regardless. This is why I sometimes give Koujaku more scars to his body, and besides defensive cuts I also give him cigarette burn marks. Lore expansion better known as adding trauma.

I think he just doesn’t talk about it that much because the abuse towards him isn’t what has hurt him the most. We ourselves often don’t give it much importance if someone tries to insult us, but maybe if it’s someone close to us, that does piss us off, some logic like that. Moreover, throughout the game Koujaku’s personality is just like that, always worrying about others and giving little importance to himself, to the point of being tremendously negative for him.

Don’t you think those scars would make him look more masculine, intimidating, as if he’s survived dozens of dangerous, tough fights? It seems the perfect image for an environment like organized crime.

Despite all of Koujaku’s feminine traits, the perception of him both in canon and in fandom (usually) is that of a stereotypically masculine, super straight man who fucks a different woman every night, always joking with “no homo, bro” (which, mind you, I’m not saying I don’t like these jokes, I make them myself too). But in reality that couldn't be further from the truth.

With that image that we have of him, sometimes it would seem that he is someone with prejudices or that he really had a hard time accepting that he’s not straight, specially when in the scene where he confesses to Aoba he says the following:

The reasons he tries to hide his feelings is a mix between the fact that they are friends and he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship they already have, that he wants to hide his past and that he doesn’t want to be a burden on Aoba, so he keeps all those things to himself. (And he’s also been educated a certain way and has always seen things one way, never gave it much thought so when it crosses his mind, of course he’s confused)

When he first met Aoba he thought he was a girl because he had really long hair, and after all, when we’re kids we don’t have very developed features anyway, it’s a pretty androgynous state. When Aoba corrects him and tells him he’s a boy his behavior is exactly the same, nothing changes. He corrects himself and never treats him as a girl.

He is someone who has no problem showing his affection for Aoba, neither in private nor in public, he’s very comfortable with his bisexuality, the only one who is reluctant to do so, either out of shame or fear, is Aoba.

What I’m trying to get at with all this is that all that “gentleman” facade and the “always accepting women who want to have something with him” that makes him look so stereotypical in a first impression has a much darker origin, although underneath all that there’s a much more sentimental, vulnerable and open Koujaku about his true feelings, expressing them even if he feels embarrassed, as we see on some occasions (touching his hair nervously when he confesses, of when he explains why Aoba's hair is so important to him).

The relationship he has with his mother is the most direct connection, or course. Being the son of an abused woman has made him hyper-aware of his position as a man (so much that sexism in this game almost goes full circle like the Bourbon family tree, but this is NC’s problem and it happens everywhere, it’s so obvious it’s a writers problem and it’s a shame it affects Koujaku so much because he’s basically the only one who isn’t scared of a bad bitch). We’ll talk about this in particular some more later, but let’s focus on what concerns his father for now.

Being the family of criminals that they are, abusers and… almost slavers, the most logical thing to assume is that they are specially conservative. It could very well be that his father, once he decided to make him his heir, wanted the image of his kid to be as intimidating and masculine as possible. A criminal, a murderer who could run his business in a world like this.

We know that the tattoo is an experiment by Toue, and it wouldn’t be strange if his father knew what was behind it, because after all it would also be beneficial for him to have a way to control him, to mold him to his liking and to make him obedient, unlike he had been behaving, refusing to be his heir and trying to defend his mother. The image of an effeminate, soft, sissy man was not exactly ideal for the future leader. For me, Koujaku’s father either already intended to name him heir before agreeing to the tattoo being an experiment with Toue and Ryuuhou, or he ended up deciding to name him the heir precisely because they had already talked about the tattoo and its possibilities beforehand.

His father would want to break him, drive him to despair so that he would stop resisting, take away his will and, although this is mostly headcanon, “make him a man”. Be a man, be strong, tenacious, learn to fight and find a woman to continue the family with, etc. So it is not surprising that at first he didn’t even reconsider his sexuality and thought that the affection he had for Aoba was just friendship, which over time, with such strong feelings, he realized was not the case. I sincerely love that he is shown to be so nervous and that he confesses to be kinda confused about it and in a state of denial, without having any external reference and too busy hating his father and Ryuuhou to even think about it, it’s normal that it took him so long.

He was trained to be a gangster, while his father insulted him, hit him and threatened him using his mother, on whom he took it out. This training also implies not only fighting but also for doing business, how to talk to be well-received, how to negotiate, how to give the best impression of himself at any given situation. This pack of skills seem to resonate with those that he uses to flirt and run his own business, even if he does it on an unconscious level, he just knows what to say to strike the person he’s talking to in their weak spots. His father’s physical treatment would not only be a punishment, but also to teach him a lesson, to learn to endure the pain, just like he endured the pain of the tattoo. If he cried, it would be shameful, he would be punished. He had to hide his pain, his feelings, his thoughts, for the sake of his mother’s safety and his own. Practically becoming a puppet, thus evolving into the life he carries in Midorijima as an adult.

Him not wanting to open up to Aoba wouldn’t be just an “oh he’s going to hate me”. It’s also what he learned would be the best, having a charismatic appearance that everyone likes. After all wouldn’t it be logical to not want any confrontation with anyone after all that? A tough guy, with people around him who admire him, who never gets tired or cries, because nothing’s wrong. In a way it’s also a shield, a protection, a defense mechanism. To be a man.

Now, the way he behaves that almost everyone without exception associates with his mother. And this, for sure, is the intention, his desire to protect his mother and therefore take care of the women he meets. But it’s also him actively wanting to be the opposite of his father.

What kind of relationship does he have with women? The contact he has with them is mostly through all his female fans, who are crazy to say the least. We’re not going to get much into the subject of sexism but first of all it’s a huge mistake that his fans are only young women or the way they make them all act.

Koujaku spends all his time building a character that he considers perfect, someone gentle, who never says no to a woman and is always available to entertain them, it would never occur to him to deny anything to any of them, as his mother was denied so many things. Unlike that hard and tenacious masculinity that he was taught to have in order to take on his role as the heir or the bestiality of his tattoo, he presents a gentle and chivalrous masculinity on the outside. What he does is pamper them and give them everything they ask for (almost, because has never really had serious relationships. Which makes sense because he would be telling them pretty big lies, right? That wouldn’t fit with his own code). He doesn’t think very highly of himself, he has a low self-esteem as he thinks he is nothing better than a worthless monster that should have probably died a long time ago.

Sometimes people who are abused go through abuse again, in a cycle. I think saying that Koujaku is a playboy is incorrect. (He acts flirty and likes playing around, sure, but there’s something deeper). That perception of him is natural, of course, because the way he behaves and how he is presented to you, is the image they want to give of him after all, in a basic and cliche way, so artificial that it is unsettling. I could believe that it sounds artificial on purpose, referring to that shell of how a confident and strong man should talk, if it weren’t for the fact that they do this kind of cliche and artificial situations quite often with other characters as well, and it makes it kinda hard to remain immersed. I honestly think that the foreshadowing could have been done a little better, but it still serves the narrative. Also this is practically almost all you see of his character the two first interactions he has with Aoba. Considering the structure of the game and how rushed everything is, it’s not very positive, but for the sake of your mental health it's better not to think too much about it.

In short, Koujaku is a very accommodating and attentive person. He listens and encourages others with their problems but doesn’t let anyone worry about him with his own, taking on everything himself. He even ironically tells Aoba that if he’s worried about what happened with Mizuki, he can blame him, and that he can always count on him to tell him anything. It’s a very lonely way to live, even though he has so many people around him.

Knowing this, it’s more than reasonable to think that more than him flirting with women, it’s simply him agreeing to give what those women ask of him. They come looking for something and he gives it to them. He’s a toy. It’s often joked that he’s practically a prostitute, and pretty much that’s what it is. And it’s in the balcony scene where we see a more personal side of him, where we can observe that in reality all this burden tires him, it’s not natural. It’s not like his character isn’t extroverted and charismatic, but that’s not everything, and in public he doesn’t allow himself to be “less”, so in private and in confidence is when he can afford to relax, with Aoba or in his own house.

Somehow, even though he is no longer with his family, the way he interacts with other people, or how he lets himself be used, be it consciously or not, even if there is a different intention behind, is not that different from before, people still use him.

BODY FOR SALE (child sexual abuse)

I’ve sometimes wondered if there was some sort of sexual abuse on Ryuuhou’s part towards Koujaku. Nothing is implied canonically, at least physically, but the erotic connotations of the story of the tattoo artist he’s based on, the sadism, the drugging in order to do something non-consensually, and his constant references to love make me think of it happening on a symbolic level. I think it’s obvious that Ryuuhou loves Koujaku, in his own way, as his creation, and he’s talking about love at first sight and the similarity of love and hate. Besides, the way Koujaku acts can be easily associated with it.

Even though he appears to be charming and flirty, he actually has a very low self-esteem, seeing himself as worthless, dirty, and constantly self-blaming for what happened. His tattoo being his shame and filth, something he doesn’t want to taint Aoba with, works just as an allegory of victims so commonly feeling guilty and dirty (causing them to. He shows unconformity when Aoba wants to touch him in bed (something that with time and the support of a loved one gets a little better), and when he tries to touch and wash away his dirt, his shame, his tattoo, Koujaku jumps at contact, which could also be interpreted as having a flashback or part of his ptsd.

All the anger he feels inside could also be part of the consequences. He mostly shows his hatred towards Ryuuhou, even though his father is supposedly still alive and was the one who did the most damage to them, especially his mother, whom he cared about the most. At the end of the day Ryuuhou “just” did the tattoo and his father has been treating them like that for years. So why does he tunnel all his rage only to him? Budget and time limit reasons? Maybe, but in this essay we’re not taking that. Obviously Ryuuhou was the one that made him lose it, torturing him ever since the beginning only to anger him, ultimately causing the death of his mother. But it can also be read as the response Koujaku had to a possible abuse. Ryuuhou took advantage of his situation, to stop him from resisting he could always use his mother. We’ve already seen Ryuuhou being referenced as male and Koujaku as the female counterpart, being lovers and enemies at the same time, with the female being associated with the powerless, abused victim, submissive, and being controlled by the male, as disgusting as it sounds. Ever since he was tattooed his body did not belong to him anymore, Ryuuhou made sure to mark his body and mind so that he could never forget him. He could have found refuge in his religious practices as well.

There’s always stigma around these cases, and the stigma around male victims makes it especially harder for them to speak about what happened to them. That sense of powerlessness, of losing control, of being less of a man, causing them having trouble with their identity, all of it is wrapped in toxic masculinity. All of this is seen in Koujaku. He keeps all his feelings for himself, feeling distant from other people and engaging in a lonely way of life.

There are people that report having trouble with their relationships with others not only because of the trauma that happened to them, but also out of fear of doing that very same thing to someone else.

This traumatic event usually makes victims apprehensive of any sexual activity, but there’s a considerable large number of victims that, opposite to this, develop hypersexuality. Sexuality is more important to Koujaku than it may seem at first, he sees his body as a tool for the pleasure of others, meanwhile his own pleasure is not important. He developed an unhealthy way of interacting with others, therefore he developed unhealthy sexual practices. This view of him being sort of a prostitute isn’t so far away, Flame Willow, the part of Platinum Jail they end in, pretty much looks like a red light district. It’s introduced as a palace for “passionate folks to get their thrills”, an euphemism.

He also smokes and drinks, which are not talked about a lot as an addiction to cope with his pain. In the Drama CD though they do talk about it as a way to escape the stress he’s facing because of the Tamaokuri, so we can assume that he uses these two and possibly developed an addiction, wanting to drink until blacking out to forget for a moment.

Even if the sexual abuse didn’t happen canonically, the metaphor is as close as it can be, so it’s in your hands how you want to see it. Even if it’s hard to talk about something like this, I really like how this was built, because something that isn’t sexual abuse (at least canonically, and I wonder if the allegory was intentional or not) actually feels like it, something that changed a person’s entire life, his perception of himself and the people he interacts with, an event with an actual weight, something I missed from literally any actual SA scene that we got in the rest of the game.

[mellohiizz]

wanted to talk about odyssey duo and my um. view on their dynamic and relationship.

probably going to be a pretty long yap, but i really wanted to talk about them since there's been some talk about them after the last uu video. it caused me to think deeper into their relationship and i wanted to write it down.

(putting it here just in case: not targeted at anyone. just yapping about the codependent silly guys that i hate.)

the thing about odyssey duo, to me, is that yes, they are in some ways unhealthy. they're codependent and messy. but that doesn't mean that they're "toxic" or their friendship is not working.

they're both flawed characters with destructive traits. parrot is dry and unable to express his emotions properly, which leads to misunderstandings over his intentions. wifies is not a saint either, he's stubborn and can get very pushy when it comes to his own decisions. (insisting on dean leaving without explaining anything and trying to do it without parrot knowing, burning the compass to forcefully keep parrot from going to farlands)

but the main thing about them to me is that if you really look into it, they're both trying to make it work. they do care about each other and have both shown it more than once in different ways.

they both did and said things that aren't great. but it doesn't make one or the other good or bad. yes, parrot came out quite cold and uncaring a couple of times, but it doesn't automatically makes him a bad person, or means that he's mistreating, or even 'abusing' wifies in any sense.

if we're pushing it to that point, you could say wifies also used parrot in a sense of wanting to feel human and wanting someone who would 'want him back' without knowing his real self. (im being dramatic with this, obviously)

parrot comes off as uncaring because of how dry and unable to show his actual emotions he seems to be. which is a valid character trait considering how often he just couldn't because of the circumstances. parrot is someone who's very goal oriented. when he needs to focus on something, he locks in. it's the only thing he thinks about and everything else goes to the back of his mind.

which also brings me to the point of the way parrot deals with grief. one thing is how often parrot just couldn't express his grief over losing someone. he grieved luigi, yes, because it was one time he actually was allowed to take a little bit of time to actually process the fact that someone died in front of him. and even then, instead of fully allowing himself to grieve, he had to focus on other things.

same goes for dean. dean's death was pretty much shock value for both parrot and viewers, and parrot tried to grieve him too. but during it, he was interrupted by literally the number one threat at the time.

so of course when another loss comes into picture, parrot doesn't allow himself to grieve him. he acknowledges his loss ("your leader just killed my best friend"), but there was no time for him to actually let himself properly grieve wifies or even allow himself to react. they were in the middle of dealing with the mafia, and he needed to focus on that instead.

we only see the impact wifies' death had on him by the end of the episode. where he does listens. he lights the beacon despite expressing his indifference to them the whole episode. that, once again, shows that he does care.

he was hesitant on letting wifies go through with joining the mafia in the first place. he agreed because he trusted wifies to be safe and know what he's doing. it was already shown to us that wifies is parrot's weak point. he tried so many times to keep wifies away from the danger simply because he didn't want to lose him. back in the video where clown was hunting parrot, there was a very clear parallel between branzy being clown's weak point and wifies being parrot's. the difference in that was parrot knew clown wouldn't have hesitated to kill wifies.

they both changed the ways the go about things for the other. they care, but unfortunately, they were doomed by the narrative. the universe screwed them over by putting them into circumstances where they just wouldn't have worked it out.

in conclusion, because this is already very long, yes, odyssey duo are messy. they're not the healthiest duo, and they do have issues. but they tried to overstep those and work, and that's what i like about them.

[tachiguin]

Is Tanizaki really more evil than Dazai?

I don’t think I’ve ever written a longer meta about “Tanizaki is the person who comes the closest to “evil” among all the Detective Agency employees”, which is something Asagiri mentions at a BSD Exposition, but I do have a lot of thoughts about it. I think the most popular reaction to this statement is ‘more than Dazai?!’ which is fair. Because Dazai is a former Port Mafia executive and has a rap sheet longer than Tetchou’s saber. But I think there’s multiple angles at which you can tackle this: The qualifier being “among all the [ADA] employees”, what makes someone more evil than another, how you define ‘evil’. 

The easiest way to justify this if you firmly believe that Dazai is more evil than Tanizaki is to separate PM!Dazai from ADA!Dazai. Say that PM!Dazai is more evil than ADA!Tanizaki, who is more evil than ADA!Dazai, who after Oda’s death promised to be on the side that saves people. Current Dazai is making an active effort to be less evil than he may have the potential to be, and that counts for something. Whereas Tanizaki knowingly throws all pretenses of being a good guy out the window as soon as someone he cares for is put in danger. 

Though, I raise a further question: if PM!Dazai is more evil than ADA!Tanizaki, who is more evil than ADA!Dazai, would PM!Tanizaki be more or less evil than PM!Dazai? Perhaps we will get our answer if Tanizaki does end up transferring to the Port Mafia.

However, I also don’t necessarily want to shut down this discussion by just saying “Well Dazai is in the ADA now, he was definitely more evil when he was a PM executive”. It feels like a cop-out. Rather, I think that depending on how you define ‘evil’, you can definitely argue that Tanizaki is far worse than Dazai. Is it evil to be indifferent to committing evil acts, or is it evil to situationally want to commit evil acts? Is it evil to be aware of one’s moral faults, or is it evil to think oneself innocent—normal, even—as one is willing to do any atrocity under the right circumstances. Honestly, we can argue morality and try to assign quantitative values to “evil” back and forth, all day until we die. There’s really no “correct” answer here. But for the point I’m making that’s good enough. Depending on how you view “evil”, you could easily see how Tanizaki is closer to evil than Dazai, who never really saw a real difference between evil and good.

I think one of the most ‘evil’ things about Tanizaki is that he thinks he’s normal, with his whole chest. He’s the first person to suggest murder as a solution to a problem, and he just doesn’t understand why everyone else shows reluctance.

He seems to have some vague awareness that his morality is somewhat less than that of his coworkers, as in the Light Novel he thinks that he “[has] a mediocre sense of justice]”, but he mostly equates this to just being cowardly and timid, rather than the full blown self-awareness than we see in Dazai, who is able to articulate to Oda that he feels there is no real difference between the side of “good” and the side of “evil”, and embraces this knowingly.

I also think that to a degree its Asagiri's nihilism at play. Because BSD is a world full of characters with shifty morals, and characters like Kunikida who cling to their principles like a lifeline are a minority. So in a way? Tanizaki is the most ordinary guy.

And he’s not evil on purpose, or performative about it (like other characters, to a certain degree, like Fyodor) it’s completely ingrained into him. It's just that he isn’t a good person, but he’s not necessarily invested in being a bad person either. He simply cares about himself and the people within his circle, to the point that he doesn’t care what he has to do for their sake. I think this is also something that appears subtly in his irl counterpart’s works: the idea of love/affection as evil. Tanizaki-sensei used this kind of oxymoron a lot: ugliness and beauty, hurt and pleasure, destruction and love.

"[his] self-immolation, [...] with which he changed his whole life in an instant, turning the ugly into the beautiful, [...] it was very nearly the act of a saint." — Tanizaki Jun'ichirou, A Portrait of Shunkin

"Little by little, the loathsomeness changed into an unfathomable beauty." — Tanizaki Jun'ichirou, A Fool's Love (Naomi)

"It was evil incarnate, without any question, and at the same time it was all the beauty of her body and spirit elevated to its highest level." — Tanizaki Jun'ichirou, A Fool's Love (Naomi)

Maybe that’s why Tanizaki is closer to evil than Dazai. Because ‘evil’ is second nature to Tanizaki, in part because it goes hand and hand with love and care.

I don’t think Tanizaki’s “evil” could be reasoned with, in the same way you might be able to convince Dazai or Mori not to do something awful. Because Dazai’s evil is ruled by indifference, and Mori’s evil is ruled by logic, they’re both less personally invested in their evil acts than Tanizaki, whose evil is ruled by emotion. You might be able to give Mori a reason why the more logical approach would be to not commit a homicide, but the same reasoning would never work on Tanizaki, because his evil is coming from a more fundamental desire to commit the morally corrupt action, rather than seeing it as a means to an end. In this regard, you could easily see how Tanizaki is closer to evil.

Still, returning to my point about how nebulous the definition of “evil” is—you could also argue that it’s more evil to coldly commit evil acts as a means to an end, as opposed to doing evil acts out of love or affection for another person. However, I think it’s clear why Asagiri made a statement that implied Tanizaki to be more morally corrupt than Dazai, regardless of whether you agree or not.

[burst-of-iridescent]

Hey does everyone remember when Aang physically hurt Katara via burning her due to his own negligence with fire because he didn't listen at all to her concerns? But all of Katara's concerns were her being worried for him getting hurt and not herself, and then he hurts her badly, this never gets addressed again in the show, but I remember this vividly.

i actually like this scene on its own.

aang burning katara is a good character building moment because it's a brutal reminder of his own capacity for destruction. he needs to understand that his reckless actions can have horrific repercussions in order to fully realize the weight of his responsibility as both a firebender and the avatar, and it makes the moment where he uses zhao's recklessness against him more impactful. it also sets up the "water = life, fire = death" dichotomy that's part of katara's arc on viewing the world in binaries, which will later be broken down in book 3.

but ultimately the incident is still of greater significance to aang, and he's the one to bring it up in the guru and western air temple episodes, telling both guru pathik and zuko about his guilt over burning katara and his refusal to firebend ever again. this experience is also what leads him to accept zuko as his firebending teacher, and then finally forgive himself when he learns the true meaning of firebending. for the most part, it's a well-sustained arc and one of the few narratives aang has that is actually brought to completion.

do i wish that katara and aang had actually talked about his actions beyond this episode? yes. do i wish the aftermath had been focused a little more on katara instead of showcasing the impact of her physical injuries mostly through aang's continued self-flagellation? yes. but as a one-off incident contained to a single episode, i don't mind it.

what i do mind, however, is that this is not the last time the show is going to use katara as a lynchpin for aang's character development.

in the book 2 premiere, katara is turned into a pawn to propel aang into the avatar state. in the guru, her imprisonment is the reason that aang chooses to go back to ba sing se instead of unlocking his chakras. that is three separate times now that katara has been damselled in order to facilitate key turning points in aang's narrative, but not once does the same apply in reverse. there is never a moment where aang is the only one put in danger solely to drive katara's arc, the way she is in his. the closest we get is katara bringing aang back to life, but even then his death is still the result of his own choices and more integral to his storyline than hers.

now, compare this to the final agni kai.

at first glance, katara being put in danger just to complete zuko's redemption looks like the same tired trope, and had the scene ended at his sacrifice, it would be. but crucially, it's katara who continues the fight. katara who defeats the scion of fire nation destruction at the height of her power. katara who saves zuko just as he saved her.

in proving herself a master waterbender powerful enough to defeat azula and save someone she loves - someone who sacrificed themselves for her - from fire nation aggression, katara brings her own arc full circle. it is in triumphing over azula by saving each other that zuko and katara become the people they were always meant to be, and so their individual arcs are brought to their narrative culmination through bookending the other. the final agni kai works where the kat.aang moments fall short because it is of equal significance to both zuko and katara's narratives.

obviously, this is not to say that it's bad for certain characters to exist just to drive another character's arc. it's inevitable that some will be written solely to fulfill that purpose because a story only has so much narrative space, and it usually can't - and shouldn't - be divided equally amongst every single character.

but if we're talking about two main characters who end up in a lifelong romantic relationship, and it's the female character being repeatedly damselled to drive the male character's storyline within an already imbalanced dynamic... perhaps it's time to rethink a few things.

[smile-files]

a huge theme in azran legacy (and much of the professor layton series, it seems) is that being driven by a purpose that consumes every action and every decision can make you inhuman, preventing you from forming genuine human connections with those you might otherwise be the closest with. true friends cannot be made on pretenses. only by relinquishing those external forces you've placed on yourself, thus reinventing yourself as an individual, can you truly recognize the humanity within yourself and others.

hershel recognizes how events have drawn him and bronev apart before they could ever be family: bronev has been drowning in his own cultish brainwashing and acquired ambition for too long for him to ever be hershel's father... yet hershel knows what they still have in common, and that at the end of the day, bronev can be a human like any other if he chooses to be. if bronev lets go of his purpose with targent, and perhaps even his failed purpose as a father, he might just be able to be friends with hershel.

notes below about how this theme appears throughout the series...

curious village:

the purpose of the townspeople of st mystere is to care for flora; in pursuing this purpose, they fail to truly provide her the care she needs, as she is locked away from the rest of the world with no genuine human connection

diabolical box

the purpose of anton herzen is to maintain the property and legacy of the herzen family as duke; in pursuing this purpose, anton traps himself in a poisoned prison, condemning himself to 50 years of delusion, misplaced anger, loss of identity, and utter loneliness

unwound future

the purpose of dmitri allen is to avenge claire foley; in pursuing this purpose, he lets the world be put in the same danger he was so keen on saving claire from

the purpose of clive dove is to avenge his parents; in pursuing this purpose, he completely loses sight of the love that drove him to anger, instead becoming engulfed by mindless hatred even he began to fear

last specter

the purpose of luke triton is to be the oracle, to save his town from the specter threat he feels his father complicit in; in pursuing this purpose, he isolates himself from everyone, including his father, forcing himself to be mature and self-sufficient

the purpose of tony barde is to protect his sister; in pursuing this purpose, he creates a thorny shield around her, making her believe she is hated and worthy of that hatred

the purpose of arianna barde is to quarantine herself, the calamity witch; in pursuing this purpose, she locks herself away within her illness-induced isolation, accusing those who care for her most of despising her

the new purpose of luke triton is to help professor layton, to be his apprentice; in pursuing this purpose, he casts himself as mature and daring, eager to endanger himself for the man he secretly hopes will keep him safe

miracle mask

the purpose of randall ascot is to fulfill his destiny of love and glory, discovering the secret of the mask of chaos and marrying his dear angela; in pursuing this purpose, he's willing to risk everything, and in apparently failing this purpose, he gives up on his own life and hopes hershel will take up the mantle he leaves

the purpose of henry ledore is to serve randall, the first person to ever treat him with love and humanity; in pursuing this purpose, henry becomes obsessive, mechanical, and self-destructive in searching and waiting for randall

the new purpose of randall ascot is to avenge his original purpose, which he feels was stolen by henry; in pursuing this purpose, he completely fails to recognize the undying loyalty his friends, especially henry, have for him

azran legacy

the purpose of leon bronev is to lead targent to the secrets of the azran; in pursuing this purpose, he blinds himself to the potential dangers of this discovery, a veritable apocalypse, and abandons all hope of being with his family

the purpose of descole is to get revenge on targent and the azran for destroying his family; in pursuing this purpose, he searches for the azran treasures destructively and obsessively, hurting countless people in the process

the purpose of emmy altava is to assist her uncle leon; in pursuing this purpose, she threatens and endangers the people she cares for most, and helps almost bring about the end of humanity

the purpose of aurora azran is to be the key to the azran legacy; in pursuing this purpose, she nearly brings about human extinction as a punishment she herself did not think deserved

katrielle and the millionaire's conspiracy

the purpose of ernest greeves is to avenge the apparent destruction of his family by the seven dragons; in pursuing this goal, he fails to understand this fury to be unfounded, his mother only encouraging it such that he should learn to be independent

note how for many of these, the characters are either literally inhuman (the robotic townsfolk of st mystere, the golem aurora), call themselves something inhuman (anton as vampire, luke as oracle, arianna as witch), or otherwise deem themselves inhuman (henry as servant/robot). if you think you only live for a single purpose, you lose your sense of humanity...

...and in general, these characters feel themselves isolated for this purpose, and in relinquishing it, feel the relief of finally being able to love and be loved again. that is the joy of being human! of not being born with a reason, only with the capacity to love!

[crybabysunflower]

Similarities between Mikey-Takemichi (Tokyo Revengers) and Achilles-Patroclus (The song of Achilles)

I think before I start with the post I should specify that this is solely based on Madeline Miller's book The Song of Achilles which while staying close to the original source (The Illiad) has made a lot of divergence from it most particularly in an aspect of the portrayal of Patroclus. So this post is not for those who dislike this particular aspect of the book

Mikey and Achilles

"He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature"

Mikey and Achilles being this glorious fighters who are undefeatable (The Invincible Mikey and Aristos Achaeon). Both are also charismatic leaders who are able to easily change the opinions of their respective teams and motivate them, like Mikey in Tenjiku arc when Toman was losing hope and Achilles did something similar in the fourth year of the Trojan war when the soldiers were losing interest and went against Agammenon. They both are also fated to be doomed by the narrative. Because of Shinchiro timeleaping to save Mikey he was cursed with Dark Impulse which in every timeline destroyed his own and the lives of others around him. Not quite different from Achilles' rage which claimed the lives of others and eventually himself.

Despite their glory both takemichi and patroclus is everything to them. everytime they both are separated these two glorious fighters loses his humanity and becomes a monster, once again as we see Achilles' rage and Mikey killing his own gang members after Black Dragon arc for keeping him away from Takemichi.

The Song of Achilles portrays its titular hero as an easily gulliable man which also stands true for Mikey, something which is evident from how easily he had been manipulated by Kisaki in multiple timelines.

Takemichi and Patroclus

"You do not give things up so easily now as you once did,”

While Mikey and Achilles were destined to destroy ane kill, Takemichi and Patroclus being pacifists were destined to save lives.

Takemichi and Patroclus are not famed as fighters (as Chiron says he is not destined to gain glory from his fighting) but they both are still glorious in their own ways. Their glory lies in their kindness and their selfless desire to protect and save their loved ones even if it leads to their own demise or them getting hurt in some way. They both are actually more stronger than the glorious warriors because of their emotional resilience kindness and will power. They both grow from ones who easily quit to someone who do not give up quite as easily Both Michi and Patroclus also have low self esteem because of their traumatic upbringing and see themselves as "lower" beings. Even then, when they both die, everybody mourns their deaths such impactful were they in people's lives.

Both Takemichi and Patroclus followed Mikey and Achilles respectively everywhere despite how dangerous it had been (Takemichi following Mikey to Manilla, to the Bowling alley where he nearly died and back in time after being stabbed. Similarly how Patroclus followed Achilles to Mount Pelion, to Skyros and finally to the Trojan War where he meets his fate).

While Takemichi is younger than Mikey (in contrast to Patroclus being older than Achilles) they both played a role as a guiding force in the lives of their other halves putting them in the right track. Without their existence both Mikey and Achilles end up in the path of destruction.

In the last arc Takemichi dies similarly as patroclus did (being stabbed in the stomach) i dont remember if Michi was wearing mikey's Toman uniform in the last arc if so then that adds another parallel (Patroclus dying in Achilles' armour). The reason they die is also because of their other half (directly from mikey indirectly from achilles).

(While this post mainly compares the takemichi and mikey to the characterisation of the greek mythology characters from TSOA specifically, I cant help but realise that Takemichi is also quite similar to the Iliad characterisation of Patroclus

Although unlike him Takemichi is not physically strong when it comes to fighting, he matches Patroclus' sheer determination and boldness especially during the Tenjiku Arc. Takemichi's constant attempt to defy fate despite the number of times he fails is reminiscent of Patroclus climbing the walls of Troy over and over despite being pushed down by Apollo.

Patroclus mocking Hector and prophesizing the latter's death after being stabbed reminds me of two specific occasions- First, when Kisaki pointed the gun at Takemichi and the latter taunted Kisaki to shoot him and when Kisaki shot his foot Takemichi taunts him further that he is not going to die from a bullet to his foot and chases him after that. Second when Kakucho punches Takemichi and he mocks the former saying how he punched like a second grader punk)

[justjudethoughts]

Lockwood's Lack of Self-Preservation Instincts

In the show, the writers make a big deal out of Lockwood's recklessness stemming from borderline suicidal intentions, but in the books this doesn't really get brought up until The Empty Grave. Even then, by the end of The Empty Grave, there doesn't seem to be a completely clear answer to what Lockwood has been thinking, and what he is thinking now. While the show has the scene that Lockwood admits he used to think the bottom of the Thames was a nice place to be, but that he doesn't think that anymore with Lucy present, the books simply don't have an equivalent conversation. Which got me thinking about the exact nature of Lockwood's recklessness, lack of self-preservation, and arc.

I think that his recklessness started with a super broken view of self-preservation, since he didn't have anyone to live for and missed his family and thought it was all for nothing. He literally says all you can do in life is try to help as many people as you can before you die. He chooses to be so reckless over and over thinking that going out in a blaze of glory is the best he can do for himself. It's not that he ACTIVELY wants to die, it's that he doesn't particularly care if he does, and in his mind it's better to die on a dangerous, reckless mission ridding London of ghosts than live having never risked anything to help people. Which is good, until he takes it too far and is chasing the thrill and willing putting himself at huge risk for no good reason. And I think Lucy and George help him rein that in, because he subconsciously has something to live for again. But Lucy leaving sets him back to self-destructive tendencies. Blaming himself for Lucy's departure, he once again loses any sense of self-worth beyond his capability to efficiently get rid of ghosts.

And then, after Lucy is back and he starts to realize that his families' deaths weren't meaningless, and Jessica's death glow was there to help them, and maybe there is a wider, more organized story they are taking part in, his recklessness doesn't go away but it becomes a testament to what being alive means: being so full of life you do not fear death, not out of a desire to die but out of knowledge that death isn't the ultimate victor.

I think the difference between Lockwood in books 1-4 and Lockwood at the end of book 5, is that originally his recklessness was a product of believing death is the ultimate inescapable end and thus nothing really matters, and it changes to the realization that everything DOES matter, and while death is inescapable, it doesn't have the final say.

He becomes the embodiment of the ND Wilson quote, "Run faithfully to the end, and like all good men, you will die of having lived."

[miyamoratsumuu]

ok round TEW!!! i am now commencing self destruct by sending in cardigan by taylor swift, with tdrk sho the pookie wookie dookie loml beloved. (behind the screen i am gnawing at the bars of my enclosure, clawing at the walls, sliding down the door and jumping out the window while wailing sobbing and crying)(break time before requesting b4 prolly 1 more tmr!! sorey if its a lot 😞😞 dont write too much ok make sure u eat drink sleep nd everything)

CARDIGAN

cardigan by Taylor Swift, acapella ver., ft. Shoto Todoroki

⋆ you knew him. and after every moment you shared, you realize you don't know him anymore.

⋆ todoroki shoto x reader ⋆ written in 2nd pov, wc: 1.6k ⋆ this request is from the 400 followers event!! mha masterlist ⋆ other notes: I finished writing this only to realize there's no dialogue at all I'm so sorry 😭 and and!! unlike my other shoto work, y/n gets a happy ending<3 (atleast i think it's a happy ending)

⋆ cw: implied cheating

the warmth that enveloped you when you put on your newly ironed uniform didn’t feel so bad on your walk toward UA high. cellphone in hand, the hustle and bustle of what you assumed was your assigned class for this year, welcomed you as soon as you stepped through the classroom door. first days always become such a blur as the school year passed by. yours wasn’t going to be any different, until you locked eyes with the boy that kept to himself at the back of the room. 

everyone else was introducing themselves to one another, in hopes of making themselves known even before formal introductions of the class began. except for two. the one up front of the class seemed off limits right from first glance. now that you look back at the memory, the second guy that was seated at the back looked off limits too. if he wasn’t, he would’ve been mingling with your other classmates already. thinking of it now, maybe you shouldn’t have approached todoroki shoto. but you did. the excitement of the new highschool life filled your senses, and your first year self was blinded by it. 

you assumed your first interaction with the man would’ve been one of those cute meet cutes in any rom-com. the upbeat girl introduces herself to the stoic straight faced guy, they become acquaintances, he slowly lets down his guard for her, and they fall in love! the moment you finished telling him your name though, you began to think otherwise. he was looking at you, sure. but it didn’t seem like he was going to let loose anytime soon. your idea of a cute rom-com moment slowly faded away. just slowly though, good thing you had patience. 

you knew who shoto was. you knew how he refused to use the other half of his quirk in refusal to represent his father. you knew how he didn’t come to ua to “make friends”. you knew what he aimed to be as a hero in training, but it’s been months since you made yourself acquainted with that version of him. and huge changes could happen in the span of a few months. the joy of your time together at ua overcame shoto without him realizing it. you could thank midoriya for being a huge part of that. 

you didn’t know when it started, but the glances shoto sent your way that lingered more than they should, the subtle touches whenever you were in the common room together, and the gentle smiles he wore only for you to see became more and more evident. you didn’t mind, why would you? highschool wouldn’t be the most fulfilling experience without the rush of a new love. and the suggestion of shoto reciprocating that feeling was something you wouldn’t trade for the world. it’s dangerous to assume, but it wouldn’t be completely unlawful.

your assumptions were only proven true when after pouring your heart out to shoto, he didn’t make a move to turn you down. instead, you felt a hand on yours as it was carefully brought up to meet his lips. the kiss he placed on each of your knuckles was gentle, and he cradled your hand as if it was glass. and as if he was scared to break you. that would be his worst nightmare, to be the one that broke you. it was an unspoken promise, but he swore to be the one to love you as best he could, to leave a mark on you emotionally, proof of his undying care for you. 

“to be seen and understood is to be loved” was what your relationship with shoto felt like. with a handful, if not all your classmates being so powerful, smart, and charismatic, it didn’t take a genius to see that the ones that didn’t aim to be on top would be pushed aside. you were one of the latter. though the longer you were acquainted with shoto, the quicker the shadows that covered you faded away. to you, it felt like a miracle. a blessing, to be seen by the son of the most powerful in japan. but to shoto, it felt like the easiest thing he’s ever done in his life. to him, loving you felt like losing a piece of clothing only to find it and treasure it more than he ever did. it was like he found his favorite cardigan that’s been missing for months right under his bed.

it would be a lie if you said shoto wasn’t the best love you’ve ever had and could ever have. most would grow sceptical of you, seeing as you were only in your second year of highschool and you were already proclaiming things about being with the one love of your life. you were too young to be that in love, as they would say. your relationship wasn’t completely out there, but those who would ask about what the two of you were, would get an honest answer. you were proud of telling them that shoto todoroki was your lover, and you were his. he claimed to feel the same, and you knew he was genuine. 

and you were right. you only knew, but you sure as hell didn’t know who shoto was now. the sound of laughter and excitement resounded around the common room of class 3-A’s dorms in anticipation of welcoming the new year. the same year that would be your last with the group of people you grew with as a person, and the people you grew to love more than anything. well, maybe not anything. or anyone. you turned down mina’s offer to join them outside to watch the fireworks the school would set off, instead choosing to search for the one person you haven’t seen yet all night. quickly understanding, the pink haired girl gave you a “goodluck!” before turning around and catching up to kirishima. 

not being able to spot shoto in the whole first floor only meant he was in his own dorm. the elevator trip seemed to take ages as you made your way to the fifth floor. as soon as the doors opened, you immediately stepped outside and made a beeline to your boyfriend’s dorm. you raised a fist to knock on the door when you noticed it was already opened. worry and curiosity both overcame you at the same time. it wasn’t like him to leave his door unlocked and even slightly opened like this, after all. you gently pushed it open just enough to poke your head inside. and like they all say, curiosity killed the cat. 

the room was dark, except for the moonlight that shined through the open balcony doors. the curtains were cast aside, giving you just the perfect view of the two figures that stood on the balcony. you were so focused on not seeing shoto in the common room, that you didn’t realize yaoyorozu was nowhere to be found too. nevermind that, you found her now. both of them, actually. yaoyorozu had her back leaning against the balcony’s railings, her eyes downcasted. shoto was the complete opposite. he was standing right beside her, and if you didn’t know any better, it looked like his eyes were glued onto her. 

‘it’s dangerous to assume, but it wouldn’t be completely unlawful.’ before you could even make assumptions, any thought that wanted to deny that whatever was happening between them wasn’t what you think it could be was cast away. you could feel your chest being held in a vice grip when shoto placed a gentle hand under her chin and had her meet his eyes. not realizing it, you held your breath when shoto slowly inched his face closer to yaoyorozu’s, all the while she didn’t show a sign of resisting what she knew was about to happen. the final blow struck when their lips finally met right when the fireworks were set off in the night sky. 

what could’ve gone wrong? just a few months ago, you couldn't be more thankful for the clouds that covered the moon’s light, simultaneously hiding the way you couldn’t take your eyes off of the man in front of you. you were seated beside shoto on the bed in his dorm, the quiet atmosphere of the night surrounding the two of you. his mindless doodling on your scarred arm using his finger didn’t seem so mindless when you could feel that what he was drawing were stars. stars that highlighted your hard work, the years of training you went through together, and the lives you saved, leading you to earn those scars. 

as shoto continued to draw stars around your scars, you promised to kiss his in turn. the only difference now was that the feeling of gentle kisses lingered on his scars, while yours held stars that felt like they were etched on with a knife. kisses healed shoto's scars while yours were left to bleed for as long as they did. as much as either of you tried to change your ending, only one of you could receive the happily ever after. 

now, he was kneeling in front of you, the only source of light that proved it was shoto in front of you, was your front porch light. he looked exhausted, and the look he gave you was a silent plea for you to let him in like you always did before. you always claimed that letting him in was the best decision you have ever made. nevermind that. your best decision was to let the only pro hero that stood above him in the charts, your husband, shut the door right in shoto’s face. but not before making sure that he saw the way katsuki held your hand, the same way he used to hold yours. only this time, the promise of not being the one to hurt you was held strong and never to be broken. the boy seated in front of the class that looked “off limits” wasn't so bad after all.

a/n: I feel like pacing is literally non-existent in this and that the storyline is so messy but ANYWAY we don't mind that :D ALSO IK YOU HAD A KITA REQUEST BEFORE THIS SAKU I'LL GET TO IT SOON PROMISE!! I'm ashamed of myself bc I literally sort of maybe forgot how kita's character was like exactly so I wanna rewatch season 4 before I do the suna, kita, and atsumu requests 🙏🏻🙏🏻 TYSM FOR REQUESTING MY POOKIE I HOPE THIS IS ALRIGHT!!