#being real professional here
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Working on my Bachelors quotes rn and-- when you use the same source twice in german style citation you put Ebd. which is short for 'Ebenda' but my mind just goes
Eeby deeby
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It's become extremely obvious over the past 15 months that the only reason much of the Western world ever basically agreed that the Holocaust was bad and was willing to teach about it is because for a brief period of time, Jews and gentiles in most of Europe + America had a common enemy in the Nazis. But this acknowledgement of Nazi antisemitism was only ever the same kind of acknowledgement of antisemitism that we get right now, where people are only willing to acknowledge the antisemitism of the people they already had a completely separate reason to dislike or fear. Antisemitism in this worldview is just a tool, a secondary accusation one can lodge at someone who is already for different reasons an enemy. It is never acknowledged as a form of bigotry in and of itself, that exists on its own and not as a follow up to another "more serious" form of oppression or bigotry against gentiles.
Obviously any Holocaust education we do get in Europe and the US has very much been the result efforts by Jews and our allies in a practical sense, but it is undeniable that there was a brief 70 or so year period where the white Western consciousness found it valuable (or at least politically convenient) to recognize antisemitism as wrong and the Holocaust as horrific. As true, original-brand Nazism fades, though, we see opposition to antisemitism and the Holocaust becoming less and less valuable to the white Western identity, as actual threat of Nazi occupation fades to historical memory. Newer, rebranded neo-Nazis and leftist Hamas supporters pose little to no threat to white Western gentiles. And thus, we see now not only a growing acceptance of antisemitism, but also a growing hostility towards the idea that we should study or condemn the Holocaust as anything particularly terrible. The Holocaust no longer represents a way for gentiles to additionally condemn an ideology that also threatened them, that also killed their families, that also resulted in their own countries and communities being occupied or destroyed by foreign fascist governments. It no longer represents to them an ideology that is in any way a threat to their own safety or way of life.
This is why we see such a massive rise in Holocaust denial among Gen Z, and, even more broadly than overt Holocaust denial, the rejection of the idea that the Holocaust should be particularly studied or condemned. More and more, we see people "questioning" the "propaganda" of The Jews Crying Victim All The Time, we see young people wondering why they are so cruelly forced to acknowledge on very rare occasion the suffering that the Jewish people went through in their own homes and towns. Often this is framed not only as intellectual bravery but moral bravery, as if this new generation rejecting Holocaust education is somehow fighting back against the unfair valuing of Jewish tragedy above gentile tragedy. What they don't understand, of course, and what many Jews up until now didn't understand either, is that no one ever valued the Holocaust because it WAS a uniquely horrific event in history, because it WAS the first and only industrialized genocide that gassed millions to death on a scale we can only pray the world will never see again, because it WAS only 70 years ago and is still a living part of the history of many Western countries. No. The Holocaust was only ever given the acknowledgement it was because it represented, at one time, an ideological threat that also included gentiles, though less overtly than it targeted Jews.
That ideological threat against Jews has not gone anywhere, and is in fact is seeing a new glory day dawning with the rise of fascism worldwide and the normalization/glorification of antisemitism on the left. But this new form of antisemitic hatred, be it neo-Nazism or support for Hamas, does not represent a threat to white Western gentiles, their way of life, or the integrity of their governments. And so we as we see the decoupling of the Holocaust from something that also incidentally threatens gentiles, we see standing against the Holocaust and antisemitism as a symbol of white Western identity disappearing as fast as it came.
#gingerswagfreckles#antisemitism#leftist antisemitism#jumblr#jewblr#holocaust#the holocaust#the shoah#shoah#shoah mention#im scared to tag this nazism bc i know the whole nazism tag is just Jews Are The Real Nazis rn#so i wont#this is not a comprehensive discussion on this subject obviously#i could write a book on this topic tbh#just how the holocaust is framed in and used politically in differnet parts of the world for different reasons#that have nothing to do with jews or jewish genocide#and how all that is changing rn#but needless to say im not a professional historian or a political scientist#and i skim over concepts here#esp regarding how the holocaust targeted certain gentile groups#like a am speaking generally when i say nazism resulted in gentile oppression and murder incidentally and all that#if you were romani or slavic (esp polish) during the nazi occupations#this was not incidental#tho it was still the jews being targeted as priority number 1. but it would be very dismissive to say that nazism only targeted all gentile#incidentally. this depended on time and place#and obviously even in places like france that went ~relatively~ untouched during the nazi occupation if you were not jewish#these occupations were immensely traumatizing for the general population and many many gentiles were killed during the wars and during the#occupations under the nazis#so my point here is not to take away from that but actually to point out how the very real threat that the nazis also posed to gentiles#during ww2 is what caused a cultural shift in these countries
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I've been picking mostly only the essential flirt options with lucanis in the romance so far (I've personally found the dynamic much more natural and mutual when you do that, more like forming a solid friendship slowly and inevitably becoming something else and less like you keep pushing on him and getting little back b/c he seemingly just gets overwhelmed and goes into freeze instead), and I think rye is a pretty hard person to read at the best of times even though he's been Down Real Bad from pretty early on and their chemistry as people is naturally really good. so the way the almost-kiss plays out in this playthrough feels a lot like it has the added layer of lucanis realizing that no but for sure rook is flirting and not just being kind or a good friend* it IS actually happening it's not just wishful/fearful thinking!!! and then uh. maybe going a bit too hard a bit too fast in all the excitement at that revelation haha
*in lucanis' defense he has seemingly literally never had a friend who wasn't his cousin-brother before, under those circumstances I suppose some confusion is extremely natural if not outright expected lmao
#meanwhile rook is kicking himself for being unprofessional b/c he WAS getting something important from spite there#and also lucanis had like. just woken up was that cool of me. should I have told him. should I have slowed that down???#watcher's duty crashing into watcher's longing blues ensues#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rook x lucanis#rookanis#I think I might have done something hilarious and a little wonderful to the lucanis romance#by making a rook who's even slower to romance than he is fhskjfhsa#even here I was straight up like 'oh this is a little early for this don't you think' on rye's behalf (it's not we have to be mid-game)#imagine how he'd fare in some of the other romances you'd just bowl him over. davrin might kill him#(and also they would kill each other for unrelated reasons during it but that's another matter (affectionate I love my lads))#lucanis has been squinting at rook in stolen moments ever since the café scene like '...did I imagine that vibe. surely not right.#i'm pretty sure. but am I. I do know he likes me. but DOES he like like me or is that just what I want it to be. this is very embarrassing#for everyone involved' (it is)#davrin has had both their numbers the entire time tho. and been extremely annoyed but professional about it#he knew from the moment these two chucklefucks showed up in his recruitment mission. and has been an adult about it. mostly#even when they've made it real hard ('so I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're not letting the abomination serial killer run around#just because you're transparently excruciatingly sweet on him. right. RIGHT??')#I have accidentally given lucanis a pattern of falling for people who keep covered neck to toe at all times#but like not to be a metaphor for their emotional intimacy issues or anything haha. imagine.#I'm making my own heart so tender by imagining lucanis struggling to get rye out of his (many-layered) robes during the romance scene#and both of them laughing right from the soul in relief and delight at each other b/c like 'how could I kill a god only to be bested#by nevarran fashion. also how in the maker's name do you get dressed so quickly in the mornings this is intense'#'same way one does anything else lots of practice and a can-do attitude'/'well I'll just have to put in the practice then'#and they just hug for a while. *head in my hands* yeah okay I can be normal. I can be normal about this.
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i am a huge believer in direct action, i dont like when people scoff at it and only recommend organizations for multiple reasons, direct action is generally the best way to help your community & people in need. especially in brutal situations, your change will impact directly the hope & future of someone in need, especially when you're western and your currency goes way further in the global south.
that being said: do not feel pressured into sharing random bot messages. it does not matter what tumblr users say about morality or activism - spreading scams around because "what if it's real? id rather a scammer get money than a real person in need not get help" gets in the way of real people getting real help. high level bot scams are professional scam operations that are actual real life human trafficking & slavery operations. it's not some random person in texas trying to scam a couple hundred for a new computer - it's actual organized crime that has real life victims. most of the money they con comes from europe & the usa.
ask yourself: where did the pets crowdfund posts go? donations for ukraine? all the porn bots & sugar daddy scams? please think critically before aiding international crime rings because you got emotionally manipulated by people online saying you are the devil for like, using your brain and seeing the pattern of behavior on this website, which is very fertile ground for conning and has been for years due to the progressive/liberal/leftist nature of its user base.
#im this close to closing my askbox unfortunately#i know some people will give me shit for this but idc im tired#professional scams aren't a silly haha what if they steal your money thing it's a huge fucking issue that harms people in real life#and has a huge impact#and im fucking tired of being told knowing & realizing that means you want people in warzones to die. which is A REAL ARGUMENT IVE READ BTW#if you're a mutual & friend & would like to talk about anything here - my dms are open#otherwise#im closing my inbox and blocking and reporting spam bots 👍🏻
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Honestly your tags are so fun to read every time, i'm almost more excited for them than the actual post (but not entirely because your art is SO GOOD!!!! i adore it). If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?
i am studying psychology because i refuse to see a therapist so ill figure out whats wrong with me myself !!!!!!!
#snap chats#WITH. a minor in human resources ☝️ because im evil or something#and whatever character/s i decide to fixate on for the next three years i will also psychoanalyze them I Guess. //loud coughing//#tbh i only saw a therapist to get medicine but since bloodwork is expensive without insurance i dont even do that anymore. sad !#but yeah im a certified rambler if i dont share every thought i have so people understand me as much as i want them to ill die#which is why charles xavier if youre out there you have full rights to my brain .......... //gross wink sound//#why cant telepaths be real itd make my life so much easier. i woudnt have to talk a mile a minute anymore#because i do talk very fast because growing up my mom would cut me off a lot#so now i talk fast in fear of being cut off without all my thoughts being heard. anyways.#thank you for also enjoying my art :] a sideshow to the glory that is my tags i KNOWWW but im glad my efforts are not unnoticed 😌#back to My Major tho when i was in middle school i thought i wanted to go into comic books#but then i thought id lose my love for drawing if i did it professionally so now i do it. semi professionally#on my own terms babyyyy thats right. and if im lucky i get paid to draw my faves im living the dream babes#thats why my text posts take nine years for me to type im legitimately sitting here thinking if i said everything i wanted#and if i worded it right but even then after it's up im like 'but did i word it right tho' but its like 'bro just fucking POST IT'#'ITS NOT THAT DEEP' its as my favorite professor once told me 'youre very paranoid' and he's right !!!! im very paranoid 🥰#ok im done now. see thats why i say Ok Im Done Now its a sign im forcing myself to shut UP#wait not done Almost but not quite i was rewatching 97 to Try to get caps of charles in his combat uniform#and i fear i still cackle at erik telling charles to shut up like PLEAAASSE...... i need that bit CLIPPED#it makes me giggle ... someone remind me to clip all of erik's cameos in the squirrelgirl podcast btw#ive been meaning to do that for weeks but. oops <3 i need all my grandpa's moments CATALOGUED and AT THE READY..#ok i done fr now i have class with my you're-paranoid professor in like an hour and i wanna get some work done before then#BYYYYYEEEE. FOR LIKE TWENTY MINUTES PROBABLY IDK
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A young Christopher Lee guest stars as dastardly Larry Spence - a rising star in the world of journalism, turned blackmailer and then murderer - in The Vise: The Final Column (1.16, ABC, 1955); the episode wasn't seen in the UK until 1963, as part of ITV drama anthology Tension
#fave spotting#christopher lee#the vise#tension#1955#the final column#for more information on the complicated origins of The Vise (a US production entirely made in the UK) see my prev fave spotting post for#Jacqueline Hill's appearance on the series#Lee was hardly a newcomer when he made this ep; he'd been acting professionally since being demobbed a couple of years after ww2 and#was something of a stock player in british cinemas‚ usually in minor bit parts as caddish gentlemen or authority figures and military men#one of his first really significant roles would be later in '55 as a submarine commander in The Cockleshell Heroes#he was also making semi regular appearances on tv in small guest spots‚ albeit sometimes uncredited (as in ITV's The Adventures of the#Scarlet Pimpernel also around this time). a jobbing actor‚ basically‚ and not yet the cinematic icon he would begin (that journey starting#at the end of the decade and the beginning of his association with Hammer studios and horror immortality). he's very good here tho#host and narrator Ron Randell even describes him near the start of the ep as (something like) 'young‚ handsome‚ but sinister' which#may as well have been printed on business cards for the kind of work Lee would find himself doing for the next decade or so#yes he's a real rotter‚ a strangler of ladies and a blackmailer of tycoons‚ and in true Vise fashion he gets his just desserts and the mora#status quo is maintained (this is a very moral series and takes pains to inform us via Randell exactly what kind of punishment the villains#received after the events depicted)#Lee made two more Vise episodes but as Network (rip beloved) seemingly took a random approach to which episodes to include in their#first volume of the series (and obviously as it turned out only volume) i have no idea if either of those are on the set#one can hope! and i do bc it's lovely seeing him so young but with such a meaty role
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crying whenever i talk about Cookie9 because all my friends have these interesting and unique theories on them while i take everything too literally and they all just stare at me like “dude… uuugh we r TIRED” <-they dont actually say this they are very kind to me but i can Feel It
#my version of them is centered around their blog version with the ‘personality’ of their steam review and like a bunch of HC#i developed them with the implication that they’re Real but i’m a bit iffy on it#because all my friends have theories about how they’re from the narrator’s consciousness which is sick as hell#and i’m unsure how to actually structure everything or if i should go the same route so i can get approval from them </3#my friends r the real reviewer fans even though they dont plague themselves over them every day and im so sad that i don’t know anythinggg#gggggggggggg#like im p sure they genuinely hate the stuff i make about cookie9 and im just. scrumbles myself. sorry im Trying :( i’m not smart#or good at writing or even media literate#whatever that term means#all i have is love in my heart for them i don’t know anything at all#ouhghghhg they hate It so much but i cant do anything else and it’s all i have#like all my cookie9 stuff works on the ‘what if their blog self Was Real’ but i’m not actually sure how to fit it all into my actual parabl#stuff because i still havent worked out how my parable itself works#and people probably don’t think i know enough and i don’t think they’ll approve if i try. so i Don’t#tempted to blame this on my like. general crushing lack of intelligence caused by both physical and mental reasons#but i want to believe i could do better if i try? but that’s incredibly hopeful#i’ll be stuck here forever i think#<-guy who. whenever Anything wrong happens ever. just goes back to ‘oh yeah its because im dumb as fuckign rocks. due to the Incidents’#i am very scared of the possibility that it is possible for me to be anything more because that implies that i’m stupid because i didnt try#even though i’m trying very very fucking hard and every time i get something wrong way more than anyone else i’ve ever known#and they hate me for it . MAN!!!!!!!!!#<-brain is lying 2 me i think nobody hates me or . whatever. it still feels like it though im just saying this because i dont want anyone t#think people genuinely hate me for being stupid. i mean. people DO. but not my friends ☝️#man i can’t even get into the buglivia crap either because she is so abstracted from her actual review#girl w identity issues and also the general normal Changing A Lot Through Time. i scrumble her. around#her Self during 2018 would in fact be in character for the review.i want to draw her during that time. she took everything so seriously </3#tbh my version of her does react well to TSP humor but at the time she felt like she wasn’t allowed 2 Do Her Thing and tried to seem#more professional and Normal and it seeped into EVERYTHING for a bit#cookie9 though just genuinely found the narrator annoying and patronizing. its just not his thing and thats fine#<-random nonsensechemical reviewer bits hidden inside the vents. SEND POST.
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Beyond…..dentist…..please…..I am decomposing
"oh the decor? I actually did it all by myself, can you tell? I took a color theory course in college."
The framed photo is actually from his own personal collection! He thought adding the motivational posters and the "rest in peace" would help calm patients. :) He's very proud, please don't be rude.
#qeyond sucks#beyond birthday#death note#rest in pieces more like#hes like 'theyre health posters i thought theyd fit perfectly!'#it took me a while to think of what I could do for this request and i thought of the#color theory childrens hospital meme and i knew#i just knew he would have that#I also considered something along the lines of naomi going in for a check up#and it being B and hes sooooo excited to see her and she is absolutely horrified#'u put your hands anywhere near my teeth and ill round house kick your face'#anyway hes actually a dental surgeon and takes the teeth home :))#anon i hope this is what you wanted :3#hes actually very good but he enjoys it a bit too much#thus the 'collection' of giant teeth photos#hes a professional!! he can have framed art!!#nothing weird here!!#also his crocs are in sport mode so he can catch up to anyone that bolts#he explains to them when he catches them that he knows color theory might be new to some people but its real :)#it works :) red is calming :) a very calming color! :)#also do not talk to me about perspective i hate her i did 3 years of design college before i decided i would rather die in a glue trap#q art
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If you are the multiverse mom.. And the original wh au is technically a part of the multiverse, does that mean the original cast is also your children?
*Peacekeeper chuckles*
"What a fun question ! Well, first of all... The original "Welcome Home" show is well... The original ! So not really an AU... According to what the others told me, the original is unnaccessible to multiversers. What can be accessed are variants, copies, if you will. I came from one myself !
Now... I suppose I am pretty motherly, so I would likely be motherly with them too ! But I'm pretty sure they wouldn't actually be my "children"... I have very few I consider my "children", actually"
#the “multiverse mom” title is a shortcut because Keeper acts motherly with everyone#but in reality she has a variety of nuanced relationship !#this question was really fun#Foster Children (those she helped for a while but didn't need her as a “mother” per say#welcome home au#welcome home#whmultiverse#keeper poppy au#multiverse mom#ask peacekeeper poppy#ask blog#poppy partridge#welcomehome#poppy welcome home#time for some lore in tags !#here is a list of Keeper's relationships and their “type” of dynamics#Children (those she actually raised) : Archivist - Morpheus#Foster Children (those she cared for during a time but who didn't need a true mother/child bound with her) : Filante - Messenger - Stitcher#Patients ( she cares for them but not much of a bound is formed) : Faceless - any being coming in her domaine for rest#Colleague ( not real work relationship - more so a sort of professional but friendly one) : Solver - Rescuer#↑ note that Keeper also sees the colleagues as friends of hers#she just might not be as “close” ig ? if that makes sense#Friends : Wayfinder - Watcheye#Neighbor kid (yk that kid that's always in your house to a point the parent see them as additionnal kid ?) : Trader - Scripter - Shopkeeper#note that I didn't really mentionned Observer and Admin#that's because her relationship to them is more complex#also Harbinger - Hunter - Storykeeper - Hopper - Jester - Fallen - Maddie - and others are in the broader category of “acquaintances”#and the level of friendship will vary for each characters#did all of that make sense ?#the list isn't complete I'm still trying to make it clear for myself
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question: when you're starting a new job, what do you most want out of your first week of onboarding? what's most helpful for you to know/understand upfront? also... what's not helpful? tell me your onboarding nightmare stories too lol
#i honestly do not ever think i've had a positive onboarding experience#in my entire professional life#i guess for me a lot of my early-job anxieties are around expectations and 'rules'#like i want to know what time i'm supposed to be there and what time i'm allowed to leave and what the dress code is#and how the hybrid schedule works#so i don't make dumb mistakes right away#i also think i want to be involved in the real work as early as possible#like i don't have to be DOING anything yet but i want to be watching people do things and shadowing in meetings#so i can start to develop a sense of who's who and what the actual work of the office/workplace looks like#and also because i really value getting a feel for personalities as early as possible lol i want to know what the vibes are#hmm and also maybe most importantly#i feel like in any new situation i need a very loose conceptual framework to hold the new information being given to me#otherwise it's just random pieces of info you know? like it's helpful when someone is actively helping me fit information into a frame#like they're saying 'here's the HUGE picture - now let's zoom in and start looking at this one corner of it - and as we add new corners#i'll actively help you fill in the connective tissue that holds these different parts of the big picture together'#hmmm#my worst onboarding experiences have been when the person training me comes in and throws lots of#long complex extremely context-dependent documents or readings at me#and is like ok spend the week reading those and get back to me#and i'm like ??????????#i have NO understanding of what my role is or how this organization functions#at this point it is not helpful for me to pass my eyes over tons of dense info without a guide to tell me what's important#i have no way of gauging of something is important or trivial and then i feel stressed like i have to learn ALL of it#even though i know that a huge portion of it will end up being not that relevant to my day-to-day job
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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i’m actually totally mentally fine now because a hot old man likes and respects me and hyped me up to rest of the community 😌😌
#he would do NUMBERS on here - y’all don’t even understand#he’s so so so so SO attractive#he has a very unique and expressive face and an indescribably engrossing aura#i… ASSUME that other people feel this as well??#but i haven’t gotten confirmation yet#i’ve honestly never felt more drawn to another person in my life#and like. he is a happily-married presumably straight man - for the record#i have no intention but to be entirely professional about the whole thing outwardly#but inwardly? HOOOOOOOOO BOY……#🥵🥵🥵#i am NOT normal about this man and i am VALID#(another fun detail of this story is that i considered him my sworn enemy for YEARS before i actually met him)#(at which time he IMMEDIATELY started describing the mating cycle of oil beetles to me in great detail and i went ‘OH 😳😳’)#anyways - being beloved by my community is WILD…#in an actually normal and off my oldmanfucker bullshit way - love is real
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19. entry made talking about a simple / normal day.
'dear diary' prompts...
[TRANSCRIPTION: so, i'd like to start this off by saying that i sometimes crave a sense of normalcy more than ever in my life... though i know that people might not expect something like that out of me. you know, because i seem so devoted to my work, i guess. but i have to say that after getting a taste of it today, it's probably when i'm at my happiest. me and jack had spent the day together, which is something we actually rarely get to do. he had told me about this crepe place that had opened up a little while ago and he seemed really eager to go there. so i invited jack to do that this morning and i swear, i hadn't seen him smile that big in a while. which did something funny to my heart.
and by that, i mean you know that feeling you get when you can't contain the love you have for someone? yeah that was pretty much what ended up happening to me; a fuzziness had hit me in the chest. but after we went there, and jack ate an impressive amount of crepes (he was really fond of the nutella and strawberry ones), my son suggested that we see this new movie that came out recently. and it was hard to pass up so of course i said yes. we snuck in some candy and drinks because, honestly, who wants to pay for the overpriced candy they have? not us so we did that and just like i expected... the theater was pretty packed since it was for the new hunger games movie. it was good though!
anyhow, after that, jack wanted to spend some time just hanging out by the water when he did something that surprised me. jack hugged me. and it was really nice, because i can't remember the last time my son gave me one like that. he went on to tell me that he missed 'this part of me.' this got me to thinking that, yeah, i have been treating him not so well for a while. so maybe i ought to change that. jack deserves to have a father who doesn't switch up on him every day, from being mean to being nice.
maybe i'll call my therapist back and tell her i want to start seeing her again. she might've said some things that i didn't like the last time, one of those being that i exhibit behaviors that are typical of sociopaths — but i guess i can make an exception for jack, because he's my little bug.
signed, barton. ]
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#tw: allusions to mistreatment of children.#sighs... y'all already know what i'm going to say here: barton's relationship with his kids really is complicated because he seems-#to love them in his own 'barton-like' way and this could mean various things from calling them things like 'his little bug' to being-#emotionally manipulative to them and it's like 😬 i just. the fact that barton could acknowledge here that he has treated him TERRIBLY-#in the past does imply that he does hold some sort of self-awareness about how he is severely lacking in the parent department-#but it's not enough for him to make any real changes unfortunately because barton is STILL like this to this day.#with him being super temperamental and hard to predict which is typical of emotionally manipulative / abusive people.#and although he is is pretty much a big ball of anger + unresolved trauma that has helped twist him into the man he is today-#AND it is also a fact that barton has experienced psychotic depression... that doesn't mean that he can blame his past for becoming-#a bad person. i just want to talk about the comment he made here about feeling a 'fuzziness in his chest' though because that is just.#it makes me want to WEEP alright because it makes it clear that barton does have the capacity to love his children in an actually-#healthy and understandable way but he doesn't most of the time and it's like... WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS GAHHH#tw: emotional manipulation.#tw: emotional abuse.#plus i honestly think that barton DID call his therapist at the time back and started to go back to her buttt being told by a mental health#professional that they noticed he lacks empathy is impulsive and seems to take enjoyment out of disrespecting people + breaking laws-#changed his relationship with them. so things were likely never the same again and barton didn't trust her anymore
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hm well if you must have the characters in your nineteenth-century novel call each other by their first names, then it is nice when they happen to have first names that are very easily taken for surnames
#leeward liveblog#<- mostly I put boatbook reacting over on my other blog (cool-as-steel) but I thought that this one would be of more interest here#I read luzula's review of it on dreamwidth and while the shall/will ratio isn't something I've really found breaks my immersion#the first names thing definitely does. which is unfortunate because I am otherwise very much enjoying it thus far#maybe it is just because I find calling people by title + surname (and being called that way) very pleasant so the lack of that feels odd#one of the reasons I enjoy historically-set media is probably because those very clear conversational structures when it comes to names#are something that I often lack in real life and so it makes the reading smoother for me#if we have progressing layers of professionalism and intimacy then it's like putting a nice crisp label on things [it's the autism]#aaaanyway some of this is definitely since I have been Pondering about title + surname stuff for my own gender ponderment reasons of late#so perhaps I am just Noticing too much. but who can say.
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recreation of a couple photos from a scene between orville & phil that do seem to have homosexual overtones / intense friendship / possible romance energy
also the ensemble is there (& joe, & montgomery, & gloria, off to the sides) but the orvphil plausibilities feel Quite real
#from someone's pictures from a preview performance....dunno their stance on slapping down a repost right out there so: renderings#i would describe it as fairly remarkable lol. there are indeed ppl like clasping their hands smiling upon the scene in the backgrounds lol#can't quite capture it all in trackpad ms paint but like. intense professional friendship is right.#and that these pics immediately follow what's presumably the scene of montgomery out there seducing orville's mom so like#why not be a parallel....#meanwhile this Isn't their meetcute; another pic earlier has different outfits & shows it includes the film's Glasses Mixup swapping#striding over embracing cheri steinkellner like you get it....you just get it....#meanwhile there's then Further pics of phil and orville like. i think after the scene i am recreating here#All pics of phil & orville ft. them together from there out. fellas?#summer stock#orville wingate#i'll break out a whole tag for real and for fun lol#orvphil#other points for this concept just include like. don't tell tim but ''the narrative'' that queer people exist...is shoehorned into Reality#and that everything abt the writing / execution of this show makes it amenable / conducive to this plausibility#we can also have comedy & extra comedic characters here w/o it being ''lol imagine if anyone was gay? that's the joke''#and again i strongly doubt if this show Is invoking homosexual overtones it's to go ''haha. that would never happen. is the joke''#congratulations to Whatever They Have#congratulations to us summery stockies out here hoping for orville & phil material & Definitely getting it....duo for sure#i was even just let down w/the movie Only giving the corresponding roles the glasses mixup moment. let the funny boys interact. cmon#anyways ofc i'll dm you the pix if you're intrigued or just the link to the zipped mega file as sent along to me#phil Has got his arm/hand right over orville's chest who is hanging onto that arm in turn#phil Is leaning a bit in with his hand on orville's stomach like alright musicians grab your musicians
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my naming scheme for the resurrectionists causes me undue stress a lot of the time but when it works it Works
#edgar mortis is obv edgar allen poe + latin word for death. and his surname plays off the fact that there are four other resurrection men#only identified by their surnames which are pallor livor rigor and algor. rigor mortis should be easy to clock but the rest are all stages#of death as well when you attach -mortis to the end of them. which cements edgar's identity as a resurrection man even when he's farrr too#consumed by morana's world of magic and mystery to be actively working.#morana faust is a slavic death goddess + faust. the most famous necromancer in all of fiction. once again her surname cements her identity#as a necromancer specifically even when she gets swept away by unrelated magical happenings#nine and shi aren't their real names but their identification numbers are 9444999 and 4999444. 9 and 4 are both associated with death and#each of their numbers are the other's but reversed. also nine was a classical composer in life and there's a superstition that classical#composers will not live to write their 9th symphony (he sure as hell didn't lol) so it's fitting that he's the one who ended up with the#nickname. abberline isn't his real name either so he doesn't count. valdís has ancient norse for 'death' (val) + 'dis' (goddess) despite th#name not actually being used for any actual death goddess and her surname toth is likely derived from a medieval german word for death#her name isn't glaringly out of place with the rest of the cast but doesn't immediately let you catch on to her whole deal#which is good bc valdís is meant to sort of blend into the backround of reader's minds until The Reveal.#mara is a minor hindu goddess of death and her surname grave is. well. self explanatory. i tried to give the more non-magical side of londo#more straightforward names to contrast with some of the others and obv her dad was created before her and dr grave seemed like a good name#for someone who only popped up in the story while he was hiring professional grave robbers (now he pawns that task off on mara lol)#ereshkigal kore is just queen of the underworld + queen of the underworld but def has a very grandiose feel which is good bc that's#absolutely the vibes she should be giving off. all her servants' names boil down to figures associated with the greek + mesopotamian#underworlds. mainly attendants of aforementioned goddesses. which fits bc they all serve her#but i'd like to give special consideration to the maid trio here bc they're a set of triplets. and their last name is cerberus.#which famously had 3 heads. and the older two feature a similar naming scheme as persephone + eurydice (they even both end in the same e#sound) but the youngest's name is aisha which means 'living' or 'alive'. and obv her departure from the naming scheme makes her more easily#differentiated from her sisters + more memorable in the long run which is good bc she's the most important maid but it also gives me room t#have a 'my name means alive but she's named for the queen of the underworld so i'm willing to not live up to my name if it means being#closer to her' moment w a shitton of lilies in frame in case it isn't clear to anyone what's going on ('her' means eresh not persephone btw#and then there's dysmas. the patron saint of undertakers. which fits bc catholic. and sanson. as in the executioner. for a character heavil#inspired by the nasuverse's church executioners like kirei and ciel#rosette comes from the rosette nebula which looks like a skull. hayden is from one of my kids at work who said that next time i wrote a#murderer into something i had to name them after her so. here you go hayden. you get to be the cannibalistic child. (the topic came up when#i had to make a murder mystery for class so i stole the names from my kids and i told the ones whose names i used abt it later and she was
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