#being out sucks ass so far
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my aunt keeps telling me about every single trans person she even kinda knows (including deadnaming them in the process) and i feel like i’m gonna lose my mind
even going so far as to say stuff like “you should meet *insert random trans person* they’re my coworker’s nephew!”
ok????
I know plenty of trans ppl, I really don’t need to meet this random one.
I know she’s well meaning but jesus christ it’s getting on my nerves
she also keeps bringing up male clothes and being like “i bet this is more your style 😉” like…. ok…. (it really isn’t but whatever)
#being out sucks ass so far#i feel like a zoo animal everyone’s just gawking at#the mortifying ordeal of being known etc etc#at least i can look forward to actually transitioning though#but i wish i didn’t have to deal with the rest of it#i know it’s certainly a lot better than dealing with transphobic family members#but I’m still so incredibly uncomfortable#op
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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ffxiv garlemald discourse is so funny because people will go "ugh people just cant stand it when things aren't black and white" and then you look at how the empire are portrayed in stormblood and shadowbringers and its like hm. that seems like a pretty intense and accurate display of violent imperialism to me! Wow I wonder why people in this day and age may find it hard to feel sympathy for them or even hate them on principal. god its such a mystery.
the games like 50/50 to me on how it tackles these themes because I actually like the garlemald arc in EW, I think it has a lot of horrific and powerful scenes depicting how self destructive fascist propaganda and beliefs are, but I also think it doesn't go far enough on some fronts. the garleans' xenophobia is most notably and obstacle to getting them to accept the contingent's help, which is what they're there to do,
but there's never an admission of harm from any garleans on the uuuuuuuuh massive amount of war crimes the nations around them are still suffering from they're just kind of like "we misjudged you...but you actually wanted to help us all along" like yeah thats great now can we get you all some deprogramming because you keep talking about returning to your prime and glory days and I think we need to unpack some stuff you really SHOULDNT return to. im not even really talking about EW proper but the patches where things are a bit more chilled out and people are recovering.
It feels like they wanted to have their critique of imperialism and also have things end with the beauty of human connection and reaching out and these things just don't mesh well because hey a lot of your modern day audience is not gonna like having to treat people yelling xenophobic things at the cast and your character with kid gloves after you showed them hours and hours of the awful things these people's beliefs have done. especially in the present day hoo boy.
#im kind of torn between 'no characters dont need to be 'punished' to be redeemed but also the characters just being so lenient with the#colonizers after we see far too many people being lenient if not supportive of the colonizers irl. well. it really blows afslkjfalkf and#yeah you can argue if they'd gone through with the garlemald expansion they would've had more time to go into this but the fact is that its#absent from what they did do and I especially think the patches when we go to garlemald and the EW role quests going 'hey maybe the#provinces can help us rebuild' as if they'd have any goddamn right to ask that just make me feel like they didnt stick the landing#seeing all the characters who have suffering time and time again bc of the garleans or seen the results of their actions having to clamp#their mouths shut every time someone said something xenophobic in EW isnt satisfying and it leaves so much unsaid!#also some people feel like the narrative didnt blame emet enough but ngl I think thats reductive even with his micromanaging scheming littl#ass and the intention of garlemald turning out a shitshow that doesnt make anyone else less complicit. most governments like this exaggerat#and lie and spread propaganda but I dont think most people here excuse the actions of a bigot because 'they were raised that way'#this is also my issue with gaius' writing. hes primarily upset that ascians were behind what he thought was his good old fashioned natural#conquering ideology :( and doesnt it suck so much he killed people for it. like yeah he seems pretty aware what he did was wrong but his#ideology remains bizarrely intact and unchallenged by the characters around him. no dude it wasnt just the ascians the system is a lot more#complex than that by this point aaaaaugh#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#siren says#I hope people are nice to me about this I dont think I said anything particularly controversial to the Tumblr crowd (twt maybe but fuck em)#ig my main point with this post is that the game isnt perfect at writing this and also that look. I actually liked the main arc in EW and I#like quite a few garlean characters but I completely understand why others didnt like it or any garleans esp if they have their own persona#experiences with colonialism and I dont get to tell them they're invalid for that. too many people get judgmental about this understandably#upsetting topic and you just gotta accept that this is a big line for many people
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#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers#literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live#so you may be subjected to some nonsense#that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings#the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass#the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that#the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check#im joking of course dont quote me on it#jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well.#'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me'#also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml#jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated#a character with many moving parts im sure#there were a few things i did not care for#namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion#i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense#i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on#all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family#so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me#which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean#i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest#uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him#andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck#two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other#the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier#but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited#uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably#pedestrian#not necessarily in a bad way#it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters
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there's more to do, and i still want to live
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was listening to the bg3 soundtrack and the chorus of I Want To Live gives me such durge feels and got me thinking about how miserable these few seconds were for Rain, standing there thinking of the little dreams he'd dared to have that he might have a happy ending after all this, thinking he should have known better than to hope
also i like to pretend bhaal had held the companions back with some sort of magic bc otherwise i'd hope they wouldn't just fucken stand there like they do in the game jsklfdngsf
#this is. officially the second video game i think to make me draw half assed little comics#that's how you KNOW it's good#it got to ffxiv level and made me make panels#i was being more ambitious with this and had several companions back there trying various methods to break the magic barrier#but then i got a headache and got lazy so it's just gale#he's the only one rain's looking at anyway#anyway this moment fucking sucked for rain even before he got all his blood slurped out with a silly straw#it took him like the entire game to that point to start to think he might have A Future#little secret daydreams that he kept to himself about waterdeep#and then he gets here and is like 'ah. right. i'm bhaalspawn. i'm not allowed to be happy.'#he had zero even far fetched vain hopes that he would get out of refusing bhaal alive#he genuinely just would rather die than let bhaal control him anymore#you know#video game moments i'll be thinking about forever#fel's bg3#oc: rain#rain/gale#vaguely#doodles#tw blood#that tag just gets to go on every drawing i do of rain i guess lmao
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Drowning out my feelings with Dr. Pepper, falling back in love with Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red, and thoughts of Mother Hen Wolf Shifter!Ghost
*rant in the tags if y'all want*
#i have been having entirely too many feelings lately#and not a time nor place to cope#I have been having far too many conversations about the future and it's starting to make me freak out#this aquarium trip was supposed to help me answer the questions I had about what schooling/degree I would need to be an aquarist#all it did though was make me realize that being an aquarist may not actually be right for me#which now means I don't know what I would be going back to school for#which sucks absolute ass because I miss being a student. I miss that freedom and I miss learning#i miss being a college student so badly actually and I honestly regret dropping out. Like I did before but now#I always told myself it was for the best cause it's better than failing a semester and tanking my GPA#but now I've been stuck in this horrible depressive cycle and feeling so fucking burntout I can barely function half the time#now I don't have any time or energy to do things I love let alone do some self learning#I currently don't see any point in going back to school cause I don't even know what I would go back for and it's fucking scary#all of my siblings have had major things happen and are progressing on with their lives#and like I get i'm barely even in my twenties and I shouldn't be panicking this badly about my life#I feel like half of my troubles are self inflicted even though they're really truly not#but I can't help but feel I've doomed myself and my motor functioning is worsening#my executive functioning is down the fucking toilet and I can't fucking fix it and it's upsetting me#but god i just had a birthday this past week and about three years ago when I started college#I really believed I'd be in a much different place at this age than I am now#and it's scary it's fucking terrifying and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and all I am doing is spiraling really badly
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little update — I fucking love my new job ♡ I'm in a small flare up, just cause my body is adjusting. I do work IRL the next couple days, but I work evenings! so with the exclusion of thursday due to the holiday, I'll be here during the morning/midday to catch up! ♡
#I spent today sleeping and cleaning irl#cause I was incredibly behind on housework lmao#but I'm really loving it and I'm vibing so far with my coworkers#I got a lot of compliments my first day on how good I was doing#and so far everyone's chill about my pronouns/me being trans#I know there's def going to be days that suck ass#but the job itself I really do love!#out.
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thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.
#toy txt post#i love to make an alloaro oc whos a woman navigating a usually masculine role in society far before we ever coined aromanticism#whos Aromanticism informs so much about her but with no language to adequately describe it she doesnt really know how#and so she does kinda blow up her relationships by accident bc she does Want human connection#and what she Wants is to fuck someone whos friends with her and chill about it who will just be fucking Normal about it#and Not Make It A Big Thing and also for other people to not make it a big thing and they can hang out and be friends#but never fucking domesticize her. and its in part a rejection of the misogynistic role of Wife in historic (and even modern) society of#course but its also a rejection of the relationship hierarchy of Wife. of the romanticization. bc of her circumstances the only role on#offer of course has been Wife. but in the hypothetical situation where she was offered the role of Husband? she would at first probably#accept that. in theory. it sounds fine. sure. but if she tried to LIVE like that. to Live even as a Husband. it would Also be Wrong. to put#any of her relationships into that framework is to fundamentally ruin them forever. and she is living in a society that wants that to be#the only framework. anyway its crazy how ive made a character like that exactly Twice at least#(Bytte and Lucille. Bytte is a bit more genderfucky than Lucille. Lucilles gender is also ugly violent scary woman. for reasons)#both of these characters rn are cis. well. not /cis/ cis but theyre afab and women bc i want to explore that but i am thinking lately about#a transfem take. to explore. ive considered it and i dont think i want that for Bytte? all that means is watch out for future ocs#i could do a character very similar to Bytte as transfem and it would be really good but theres something about#and honestly it would probably make more SENSE for Bytte? due to gender roles in like ancient sparta or whatever?#but if shes transfem in sparta i think there would be subtle nuanced differences in how ppl interact w her that i dont necessarily want for#her? if that makes sense. i know this reasoning sounds weak in a vacuum but i Promise i have way more characters than this and i do want to#explore things differently. i promise there are complex transfem characters in witchverse and also complex characters whos asab im not#decided on yet. there are some im not sure i ever want to be decided on? the downside of being incredibly specific about fictional#characters is that it doesnt leave you all room for headcanons#sorry. good news is you can go make your own ocs about it 👍 idk. much to explore. much to think about#also sometimes a ''''cis'''' character CAN have a fun gender to play with honestly its just that mainstream media Never does#so theres no good way to be like no but listenn i swear its fun#anyway this is all moot cos im not a fucking writer im just making up little guys and doing nothing#also anyway. i think my gender is also aro and a little ace. personally. also before u get mad at me about these 2 ocs being like#probelmatic aro rep or smth: 1) aforementioned its moot anyway im not even a writer 2) these arent the only alloaro ocs i have its just#funny that i made this one twice lmao 3) my brain is huge. my ocs are rad. suck my ass. ♡#if only i Was a writer tho god. thered be sooooo many aro characters fr fr
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what the everliving fuck? did i do so wrong? i tried difficulty ONE of swarm disaster, says for team lvl 66, i took in 4 80s, and on the second stage kafka pasted my entire party?? (trl phys, qq, dhil, and luocha). i just...that is the literal BEGINNING after the tutorial?? what the fuck? how did i fuck up so *badly*
#i was trying path remembrance and it seemed to be doing fine?#and then everything just fucking blew up in my face?#if i can't get through baby level one how am i supposed to finish one chapter much less 13??#god i hate sim univ shit anyway#i literally said on their survey they have us spending too much time in it#so we get this massive sprawling event that looks overwhelming as fuck and was intimidating me all day#as i read on literally every social media i use people boggling at being party wiped but at least mid-high lvls#not shitty baby level like i just did?#and it's literally jam all the sim universe to the extreme down your throat like you hate sim universe well bend over and take it#am i going to have to lose out on this whole event?#i'm already behind everyone else so badly like i'm so far behind on getting my whole crew to max lvl and shit#but i've been working on relics and on light cones and i took in four of my good people?#i guess i just suck ass that bad goddamn#i love this game but wow idk maybe it's telling me i'm not good enough#sorry just wow my confidence just nosedived to negative digits and i feel discouraged as fuck and a game is supposed to be fun#and this is NOT fun#and i'm going to have to force myself to do it and it's going to take so much time#fuck#i still have to do another regular sim univ for the week too#i hate this T__T i'm never going to finish in a month
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Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner
#rat rambles#oc posting#warriors posting#spiraling upwards#long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds#I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated#and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them#oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much#and for good reason get his ass#alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones#aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit#so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another#honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that#most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will#and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan#but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot#she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic#but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated#some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them#instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding#it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming#out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits#that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion#she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit#so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards#now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while#for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place#she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy#but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up#and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly
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I feel like I'm going insane w this employment crap man
#zach says#im so stressed idk what else to do#my next check will prob suck ass and idk if itll be enough for rent next month#i did apply for help w a temp agency so im hoping they can help me find literally anything full time where i can sit down#i hate chronic pain. i hate not being paid enough. i hate living to work and working to live#i have good days but they feel so far and inbetween#it all just sucks. idk how to comfort myself cause i just see nothing there#im out of steam but i cant afford to stop#i dont know what to do anymore
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isn't it amazing how every single attempt to try and fix myself comes immediately crashing down on me because tiger always resurfaces. really funny joke, it is.
#almost like theres nothing i can do to rid myself of past abuse#i get too scared#i back out or lash out#and thats where it ends#back to square one of being a total failure#so. tiger is an OSDD type 1a alter. she holds trauma and believes everything is horrible and can only be settled with fights#all of those feelings of course are far more indepth than just that ofc. but if it's not obvious. that's where all the posts here come from#tiger is me. yet at the same time. is not the me everyone else sees. not even close. does that make sense?#people leave when tiger arises. so tiger stays here.#yet in the end she always finds a way to break her cage and scare everyone away. be it friend. acquaintance. professional. family. therapy.#this is not 'cheetah' by the way. 'cheetah is a type 1b alter. her name isnt actually cheetah but yknow. its a coverup to fit big cats them#those are the only alters i have. had you ever talked to the 'host' you'd never be able to tell it was me.#and thats why shit sucks ass
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lmao this quote is killing me. hardcore sucks in regards to gender because women are embedded in these scenes and employing strategies to maintain their own sanity and/or are reaching for (and failing) to be taken seriously on their own terms. it is their fault punk is oblivious to gender and feminism. get ooovvveerr yourself. conscious raising should be taking the initiative to open up these musicians to a new possibility but of course they are going to be hostile if you are out the gate calling them delusion and unfeminist- these are your peers!! or they are the woman who were there before you!!!
#this but then compare to the way like tobi vail talks about the fucking go-gos lmaoooooooooooooo#earlier there was a tobi quote about how all girl bands that want to not be seen as unserious actually suck and the bands are unamed which#i find fun and ironic. bet you a hundred dollars she was refering to fire party#the general dismissiveness to fire party is so stricking to me. only pickering has been mentioned by name so far#and marcus kind of half-assed the credit with revolution summer- the quote about coining the season (instead of directly being its catalyst)#is really insufficient imo AND more importantly none of the other women. who were all connected to dc! are named!!!#further fueling these womens erasure in music history its so infuriating#i just dont think its worthwhile to pretend alllll sorts of women with varying opinions existed throughout punk#even like lefty in dc who was a black skinhead woman who beat the shit out of people. like there are dimensions! thats worth documenting.#my posts
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this assignment I’m working on is soo hard bc the topic is like. highlight a surprising impact that a business (the one that you chose for a completely different topic for a different paper) has had on your community. like. am I supposed to LIE? because there isn’t a surprising impact that this restaurant has had on my community?????? what am I supposed to write about ??? it’s a restaurant???????
#Im so excited to be done with this class I HATE IT#and then I have to fucking take the next one next semester#also it’s a new restaurant too#so#like I genuinely am confused on what to do#especially because it’s like it has to be something you couldn’t find out from social media#like I feel like all of this fucking class has just been me being like I don’t fucking understand what you want from me#I don’t understand the prompt I don’t understand the topic I don’t understand the end result#and I’m probably thinking too much about it#it’s going to be fine I have an A so far#I don’t think even if I fuck up royally that I can fail this class#but I’m still like ??????#I just want to do things right and make them good#but I don’t know how#how do I NOT SUCK at writing#I kind of thought this class would teach me how to write better but it feels more like I was supposed to already know#which was my fear about college#that they expect me to already just understand this stuff#thank GOD for my regular ass archaeology class#it’s like lectures and textbooks and LEARNING THINGS!!!!!!#not being tested on things I never learned but am somehow expected to already be good at
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omg hey hotties 😭😭 im back !
#sooooooooooooo anyways not me dropping off the face of the earth for like the entire summer vwkqmqjdhsowjwjwjenkwhwk#just had to die for a little bit u know....disappear into the abyss and all that#pls look away from all the shit im abt to throw into these tags 😁 unless u want 2 read my cringe oversharing essay for the day 👍#my summer was so silly 😍 ummmmm lets see i lost my fulltime job at the daycare bc the owner very rightfully decided to retire and close#so i was unemployed for the whole summer except for my occasional side jobs and also had to move bc of family shit#so im living w my grandma for the time being and its utterly amazing tbh my grandma and i have a really strong bond and relationship#and i really love getting to come home and see her every day. i decorated her house for halloween a week ago 🎃🎃🎃#and she couldnt stop talking abt how nice everything looked and how glad she was to have me there and i just abt broke down 😭😭😭#i did a complete fucking 180 jobwise im actually training to be a certified fire alarm inspector now LMFAO#i really really like it so far and have like a million stories already abt all the shit ive done/seen so far#im the only girl looking son of a bitch thats working and training in the field out of my entire region of the company so 🤪#literally shoved my dykey nb ass in there and now im fucking it up with the boys heyoooooo#ummm me and one of my best friends started dating bc of a miscommunication (BC OFC WE DID I KNOW I KNOW ITS SO MF GAY)#and our 4 mo anniversary will be on halloween which i think is the swaggiest fag shit in the whole WORLLLDDDDDDDD 😫🎃🖤🧡#my very beloved pet rabbit of over 8 years died quite unexpectedly in august and i was. doing pretty bad for awhile which sucked so so hard#he had multiple health issues and was over 10 yrs old so its hard to say what exactly happened. my gf and gma both pulled me thru that shit#and my besties gave me so much support and love idek what i would have done w/o them. i miss my baby so bad.#ive also had some health issues which sucks absolute BALLS#and recently figured out that the migraine/anti depressant meds ive been on for the last THREE MF YEARS have been fucking up my body lmao#but on the flipside going back 2 the positives i got to have some really incredible experiences/interactions in the past few months#and those were really huge in helping me get my shit together again#i got to take my girlboygirlfriend on little daytrips throughout the summer. i got a second tat🕷🕸❣️ (which my gf designed 😫)#i met girl queen pussy slay miss felicia day AND met the sexiest creature alive harvey guillen and he told me he liked my hair#which im still super duper normal over i can assure u 😁👍 definitely didnt alter my brain chemistry or anything#i saw gods greatest and most valuable gift to this planet on monday (mcr concert)#and had my entire mind body heart and soul so thouroughly fucked up that im still peeing my goddamn pants over it#and of course now its october :) my rotting flesh and sickened brain knows peace once more#bouta go eat up some drawtober posts right the fuck now so prepare yourselves 👁👁 also gonna be making a post on the coc blog soon as well#its already that time of year again mwhahahahahahahahahaha#so yeah 😋 my summer was goofy and silly as hell. i hope u all have been doing okay and im so happy 2 be back pls hmu if u wanna chat !!!
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i plan on writing at college after my class today cause that place just makes me focused on productive as fuck and also has an endless coffee and snack supply
on another note, i have had yet another fic idea and if i keep going like this i will be busy writing for the next like two years at least especially because silhouettes will be fuck knows how long at this point. i know exactly how it will end but how long it will take us to get there is between me and god and i am not praying
#alex writes tlou#the new fic idea is a canon divergence for post ep 8#where ellie is like okay fuck this#and she gets into traumatized dissociated mode because joel is still fucked and barely functional once they get to safety#the adrenaline wears off and ellie just stops feeling anything entirely#and goes alright we're going back to tommy's fuck the fireflies this world sucks i dont wanna save it anymore#(and shes also so. so. so fucking tired)#anyway she hauls joels ass back to jackson and it takes like three weeks at least and in all that time joel does get better#but ellie refuses to let him touch her or help her#though she does like support him when he walks but thats on her own terms#and her one goal is get joel to jackson so they can help him and theyre save and joel will be okay#and once they get there she just passes the fuck out and everything catches up with her#idk thats all i have so far and i need to actually. go to college now thank u tumblr tags for being my audience once again
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