#and then I have to fucking take the next one next semester
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Seeing this post always immediately reminds me of a fun story from early on in my relationship that my partner and I affectionately refer to as
The Can Opener Incident
This was back in my college days. That semester I was living in a dorm that was more like a collection of small apartments on the very fringes of campus territory. My partner had come over to spend the night at my dormroom, and we were going about making some pasta in the little kitchenette. The pasta was already fully cooked and strained when we suddenly encountered a problem:
The canned pasta sauce I had bought was not a pop top, and rummaging around the kitchen for a can opener revealed that I had neglected to bring one.
Not one to settle for miserable, dry pasta on a cozy home date, I ran over to the dorm room next door and asked to borrow a can opener. They're a little startled to find someone knocking on their door at 9 PM, but they let me borrow it with no resistance. Upon bringing it back is when the problems truly began.
You see, all of my life I had used a can opener which you latched to the side of the can and twisted the knob to make the sharp ring cut into the top of the can vertically, parallel to the side of the can. This one looked similar, all the right parts were in the right places, so I gave it a shot... but nothing happened. My partner comes up and tells me I'm using it wrong, and I think to myself "oh, okay, so maybe he's used this kind of can opener before, I'll let him at it," and I hand it off to him.
The can opener my partner has used his whole life is the kind that you latch on to the TOP of the can, so instead of holding the handle at the side, you're holding it horizontally over the top of the can. I didn't know that kind of can opener even existed, so when he tried using this one his way, I looked at him like he was insane. This look quickly intensified as this method also didn't work. Things rapidly went downhill from there. He defensively explained the way his can opener at home worked, and I started pointing to the structure of the can opener and arguing why this one wouldn't work that way. We're a little frustrated, but it's nothing some pasta can't fix, so I propose I simply go over next door to the people who I borrowed the can opener from and ask them how to use it.
As I reached over to take it from him, he held it out of my reach.
"No! I'll figure it out myself!" He announced.
"What? Why? It's easier to just ask the owner," I argue, jumping around trying to get at the items.
"Because I can figure it out!"
Okay. Fine. I guess he wants to solve this like some kind of puzzle for enrichment. I give up and I wait. The fiddling begins. I'm standing there watching him try increasingly improbable methods of getting that thing to work over and over. The pasta is getting cold. He's testing methods that have already proven not to work, trying new methods that physically couldn't work, then trying the ones that have already failed us all over again. My stomach growls.
"We should really just ask," I grumble, hungry and frustrated.
"No, I've got this."
He does not fucking got this. I want my goddamn food and I do not have time for this puzzle solving.
"Give it here."
"No."
"I'm just gonna take it to the owners and ask them to show us how to use it, you can come with."
"No! I want to figure out out myself!!"
"And I want my food god fucking damn it!!"
This went on for a bit. The pasta was drying to the side of the pot and getting crusty. At some point during this yelling match I got so pissed off that I stormed out of my own apartment into the cold with no coat on.
'I need to make him see reason!' I thought to myself, making my way through the snow. One building over was where two of his friends were rooming together. I knock on their door, boiling with rage. It is 10 PM.
"Hey, can you come over? [Partner] is being completely unreasonable and obstinate over figuring out how a can opener we borrowed works and won't let me take it to the owner to ask. Please help me convince him to hand it over, I'm literally too short to wrestle it from him."
"Alright, let me grab my coat."
We head back over to my place to find my partner Still Messing Around with that godforsaken can opener.
"Let me see that for a second," says his friend, taking his coat off. I experienced a moment of relief, thinking to myself, 'Finally!' as my partner pouted for a second, but relinquished the can opener.
This peaceful glorious relief fizzled out into horror as his friend began to try to open the can the same way I had.
"That's weird. It really looks like it should work this way..." he mutters.
"Try it from the top, that's how my parents' works," my partner suggests.
"No no, that won't work, just give me a second to figure it out."
Oh my fucking god.
I stared blankly, watching them study the can opener and turn the can this way and that, both completely absorbed in finding the solution to this hour long problem. I was going to lose my fucking mind. Perhaps in that moment I really did. Shellshocked, I stood, wondering how it had come to this. I just wanted some fucking pasta and a relaxed night in, and instead I've gotten these goddamn STEM majors milling around in my kitchen at 10:25 PM arguing over how to use a can opener that isn't even mine. So I went and did what, in retrospect, I should have done ages ago: I went next door for help.
I can't imagine what my neighbor must have thought of me, showing up over an hour after borrowing their can opener, looking as if something inside of me had died, and, with a hint of desperation in my eyes, begging them tearfully to come next door and show us all how to use their can opener. Over an hour after borrowing it.
Well, whatever they thought of it all, they did oblige my pleas. Their arrival thankfully broke up the debate, and as all three of us watched intently as hawks over their shoulder, they cracked open that can of pasta for us.
Using it the exact same way I had tried at the start of it all.
It was just dull.
"I don't need a shopping list; with effort, I will remember that I need this item"
Okay but will you be able to remember that you already bought it? Because apparently I can't.
#to this day my partner and I still can't agree on who was right in this situation when it gets brought up#“would have figured it out eventually!”#“my method was correct in the first place and asking the owner got us the answer faster!”#“i would have gotten it faster if you hadn't been preventing me by trying to take it!”#“the pasta was getting nasty we didn't have time for that!”#The Can Opener Incident#truly is the only thing to call that clusterfuck#i suppose it's only tangentially related to the post#but this post does always give me war flashbacks to this event#still can't believe his friend came over to help only to become a part of the problem immediately#should have just gone straight to the owner
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this assignment I’m working on is soo hard bc the topic is like. highlight a surprising impact that a business (the one that you chose for a completely different topic for a different paper) has had on your community. like. am I supposed to LIE? because there isn’t a surprising impact that this restaurant has had on my community?????? what am I supposed to write about ??? it’s a restaurant???????
#Im so excited to be done with this class I HATE IT#and then I have to fucking take the next one next semester#also it’s a new restaurant too#so#like I genuinely am confused on what to do#especially because it’s like it has to be something you couldn’t find out from social media#like I feel like all of this fucking class has just been me being like I don’t fucking understand what you want from me#I don’t understand the prompt I don’t understand the topic I don’t understand the end result#and I’m probably thinking too much about it#it’s going to be fine I have an A so far#I don’t think even if I fuck up royally that I can fail this class#but I’m still like ??????#I just want to do things right and make them good#but I don’t know how#how do I NOT SUCK at writing#I kind of thought this class would teach me how to write better but it feels more like I was supposed to already know#which was my fear about college#that they expect me to already just understand this stuff#thank GOD for my regular ass archaeology class#it’s like lectures and textbooks and LEARNING THINGS!!!!!!#not being tested on things I never learned but am somehow expected to already be good at
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#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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how am i supposed to raise my gpa if i keep getting the shittiest fucking teachers on earth oh my god. no more peace and love i hope they die.
#i am. so fucking done.#14 days left of the semester and i am on the verge of giving up#staring at the final in a week or two like.#girl. no one is passing that shit and it is your fault.#and then youre going to have the fucking audacity to lecture us about#how we're the problem because we dont study correctly#like you always fucking do#and its like no!#youve always been the fucking problem!!#go back to the school you fucking came from bc we were a lot better without you bitch#god im just. so angry.#like my team mate was honest to god unironically praying after we took the quiz#like girl !!!! people should not have to pray for good grades !!!#tell me how we still got a 72 with ALL OF US working together#AND DOUBLE CHECKING IT LIKE 5 TIMES#AND WE WERE LIKE THE HIGHEST GRADE IN THE CLASS ???#BE FR.#I HOPE YOU FALL IN A FUCKING PIT#and i probably wont be able to take spanish 4 next year because HE teaches upper level spanish now#and im so fucking pissed about that#like i want to learn spanish but im not doing that in this class. because he doesnt teach it.#i cant do this for another semester. i would rather die.#and next semester im taking art and#apparently i got the teacher who never gives hundreds because 'art isnt perfect'#girl WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#IF I DID THE WORK GIVE ME THE 100 STOP MAKING THIS SOME MORAL BLATHER OR WHATEVER
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art students are suuuuch babies dude i actually can't believe all the profs are so nice i'd be grabbing people by the shoulders and shaking them and yelling "JUST REMIX THE FUCKING COLOR WHY HAVE YOU TAKEN 3 PAINTING CLASSES AND YOU STILL WONT EVEN ATTEMPT TO MATCH A COLOR THAT YOU MIXED BEFORE WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME DO YOU HAVE LITERALLY NO DESIRE TO IMPROVE OR DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND THE PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS MAKING INCREIDBLE WORK IS ONLY OUTSIDE FACTORS YOU CLAIM TO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER RATHER THAN WORK AND A WILLINGNESS TO TRY CHALLENGING THINGS
#i actually was talking about this w one of my classmates during lunch today we were like yeah i feel like there's a lot of people who just#have tons of excuses all the time and don't really take it seriously and don't want to actually try hard#like in our classes we have noticed a lot of people like this this semester. and we have the little chat and then we go to class and the#whole time our other classmate is crying to me abt how her paints that she had mixed got too wet? in her stay wet palette bc i guess she put#too much water on the sponge? idk i use paper towels in a tupperware so idk what her struggle was.... 30 dollar palette btw....#anyway she was crying to me the whole time about how she couldn't possibly use those paints and i was like. cant you squeeze out more paint#to correct the consistency? and she was like no i can't remix them i don't remember what colors i used to get these specific colors#and i'm sitting there like. okayyyy. and then i was like can you not just use the watered down paints i think it actually is better bc you#can get really subtle blends and build it up slowly (the entire point of the assignment btw) and she was like no it's too watery even for#that (it wasn't) i encourage her to try anyway and she starts putting it down making no effort to blend in between layers and shows it to me#and it of course looks awful and she's like seeee it doesn't work. okay girl sure i guess just don't fucking do the assignment see if i care#like why are you complaining to me why are you not just MAKING AN ATTEMPT TO GET BETTER AT SOMETHING#what do you think school is FOR#and of course she had a headache. and of course she didn't sleep well. and one million other things. you're not gonna make it. you're gonna#apply for the bfa program and they're gonna deny you and you're gonna make up some reason it somehow wasn't your fault#god i hate to be mean i think it's valid to struggle and get frustrated OF COURSE i do it all the time but i never ever see her just like.#make something. without making up a million reasons why she could t do x better or get it done even CLOSE to on time#and there's like 6 of this girl. but she's the one who sits next to me so it just drives me extra!!! crazy!!!
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the thing abt grad school is that it's hard and after a year and a half im kind of already ready for it to be done with by now but also idk wtf im gonna do once im out
#i wanna talk about me#but i still have another year and a half so. pblblpblbpl :P#actually my last year is gonna be kind of bizarre bc i'm more or less committed to a fifth and sixth semester full time for my fellowship#but will only have 2-3 required classes left total (3 classes a semester is the full time enrollment min)#so i'll have 3-4 classes worth of credits to just. do whatever tf i want to.#maybe i'll take some oboe or piano lessons again. or fuck around and try voice or conducting#take some theater history. idk#see what's available ig#i really did not realize until today how little i have left in my libsci program#even changing my plans and taking only one libsci class next sem instead of my planned two#(with apologies to my libsci advisor. sorry im not taking your class like i said i might. i am more interested in arts admin.)#but i'll only have 3 electives left after that#im on a mission to minmax this dual degree in the most confusing and unconventional way possible#still havent heard back about my damn french credit thojgh. it's been three weeks and multiple emails.#um anyway#tired.
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Lads i have Fucked Up Big Time
#somehow I just. Fuckin. Forgot. That if I wanna switch my major that I have to do a bunch if shit#and I missed the deadline for it because I didn't realize that I needed to do it and also forgot to reach out about it until WAY too late#so now I can't do anything until the spring#which is also bad because I don't know what the fuck my class schedule should be!!!!!!!#advisor told me that I can talk to her after the enrollment period and schedule a meeting and we can figure out what I'm doing from there#but like. ouggggggghhg#Im so worried there's gonna be some fuckup with my schedule and I won't be able to register for enough classes to be a full time student#which would be so bad#idk should I just wait until AFTER the enrollment period??? and just have no classes???#I'm gonna try and register for a few classes so I at the very least have Something in my schedule#mainly ones for my current (old) major and a few of the new classes#because multiple classes that I need to take I can Only take them IF I'm enrolled in that major. Which I'm currently not because I'm stupid#im just stressed now and unfortunately there isn't much i can do 🥰#i don't even know which classes I should be trying to take. I can GUESS but like who the fuck knows#so i can't even try and plan out a potential schedule i just get to sit on my ass and stress#sighh. im gonna try to not think about it bc its gonna stress me out#on one hand it's tempting to blame like. idk. literally every adult i talked to because none of them actually told me#“Hey btw you actually need to go to this office and fill out this paperwork and submit it by a due date”#they were just like yeah okay u can take some classes. and then we'll figure it out later#like. i would have gone and done the shit if I knew I needed to do iT!!!!#but also I should have sat down and looked more into it to so#bleughhhhhhhh#I'm just stressed. and annoyed. at myself mainly because like. duh of course I'd have to go fill out paperwork but I just was like#“Yeah I'll talk to my advisor later” and kept pushing shit off until it was too late <3#idk man im. so tired#hopefully it'll all work out okay and fine and i won't have the shittiest schedule on earth next semester#and hopefully the classes i need won't fill up!!!! :))))))#ahahahahahsh#im fucked man#lilac post
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 years😭😭😭😭 thats why i dont want it to take any longer 😭😭😭😭 im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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Whelp. I just emailed the Dean.
#bread hates college now I guess#if you see this without seeing the post I made the other day#basically I was wrongly dropped from an online course#I don’t know if it’s a mistake or if the professor is just a dick#but I got dropped from the course and it’s a required credit for me#the main problem has to do with financial aid I was receiving#it only applied to this semester and we have been sternly informed that it will not carry over to the next semester#so if I have to take the class or an equivalent again#that could be a minor problem#I mean money isn’t an issue- but like- if I were someone else and it *was*#what the fuck then#are they just gonna say ‘tough luck’ like ??? c’mon dude#cuz I don’t want to take this course or this professor now- and I certainly won’t be doing it this semester#it was already a compressed course- 15 weeks down to 10#and this is setting me back by at least one week- probably more like three#so I could very easily be failing with no chance of regaining footing if I get put back into the course#and that’s if I do amazing on all the work- which I realistically know I won’t and can’t#so I’m going to take a different course that satisfies the requirement next semester instead of this semester#but the problem there is that I’m almost certain that the financial aid won’t transfer#and that’s a huge pain in the ass and also entirely *wrong*#cuz like- what if I really did need that money?#and they dropped me from a course I need to graduate- without ever contacting me personally about dropping me from the course- after I had-#-already shown participation in said course#so like.. b r u h.#at the very least. they could’ve talked to me directly about what the issue was#cuz at this point I don’t even know what the problem is#anyways#I’m frustrated and tired
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#i’ve been working through some stuff in my head#and I’ve realised that so much of my life I’ve occupied the spaces in-between#like I acheived certain things in my life because I was literally the only one who stepped up#but it was also like. I wasn’t the first choice for something I was always just what was available#or I tried to carve out something for myself and it ended up either being taken away from me or getting ruined somehow#like when I was in the pipe band I became drum major because I was literally the only drummer (not that anyone really liked me…#i was just. the only choice there was until someone else came along).#or when I moved up the ladder at the tutoring service it was during Covid and I had to work so much harder because#we just didn’t have a full team.#or when I had to do my undergraduate thesis by myself because also covid#and now having to do my research project basically 100% by myself because my advisor ‘‘can’t’’ advise me#(except he can apparently write me some exam questions next semester)#idk I just feel like the extra frozen water on the side of the ice cube tray of life#and now I’m in Canada and I’m trying to make a place for myself#I want this to work out. I want to be able to solidify the life that I want without having to live on the fucking edge#I’m tired of staying in my ‘lane’ when my ‘lane’ has always been ‘standing on the side to let others pass’#Listen up queers I am allowed to take up space and I am occupying this part of the lane#if you don’t like it then you can make your own fucking lane#I’m just trying to make a life in this ridiculous precarious world I don’t want to have to play it safe anymore#I want to get into a PhD programme and study what I want to study#I want to meet someone I can trust with myself when I’m fragile and someone who trusts me with themself when they’re fragile#I want to live in a house I don’t have to worry about losing and make enough money to live comfortably#I want to stop merely surviving and start *living*#and I’m going to do everything in my power to achieve that
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Uni lecture is making me think about my future for a minute and auuuggghhhh the agonies
#personal#taking a brief break from it bc the feeling hasnt quite overwhelmed me yet but i dont think I'm going to be okay by the end of it!#its asking me to consider what my strengths are. what kind of role I'd like to have in the industry when i graduate#these are questions that i SHOULD certainly have answers to but they kind of just make me not wanna be alive yk? bc i have no answers#I'm not really good at much. like the things I'm best at I'm still completely unexceptional#what are my strengths? don't have any. next question#what job do i want to have in the industry? well that requires an answer to the first question doesn't it#not to mention it requires me to think about graduating and having a job and I've simply never imagined myself getting that far#and i can only give this so much of my attention span bc I'm also thinking about how hard i failed my modules from last semester#my best grade this year has been a c#one of them is a marginal fail meaning i do the reassessment this year (i think)#the other is a hard f. what does that mean? do i resit the entire course next year? maybe#and i can't look it up just yet bc i need to make it through the lecture bc I'm really far behind this other module already#and it's only week 3 and i have a presentation tomorrow#and if i stop watching it im not convinced I'll bring myself to start watching again!#so instead i was just sitting here trying not to get overwhelmed by all of the things i should be thinking about!!!#that's why I'm making the post tbh. just to organise my thoughts and get it out of my system and give myself time to breathe#and my phone keeps buzzing while i type and if it does that one more time i will launch us both out of the window I'm so fucking done#semester has barely begun and im so fucking overwhelmed already#I've joked about being the token nt mutual before but honestly the past few years I've just been getting gradually more convinced I'm not#this can't be how everyone else is experiencing life. surely#like dude I'm so out of fucking touch w the concept of being a human#so in summary: augh the agonies
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low key tempted to email the professor of my standup class being like "hi jysk i just registered for [course number] and i'm very excited to take a class from you again!" and then use the rest of the email to infodump about kids in the hall and the buddy cole documentary lmao. using the trojan horse of being a joy to have in class as a way to spread kith propaganda
#love love love taking a class from a professor i've had before bc i don't have to worry about making a first impression lmao#i only have one class with a professor i don't already know next semester. all 3 comedy classes are professors who i've worked with#this standup class guy specifically was the professor when i did the bizarre powerpoint presentation about the history of kidz bop#and that's probably what he still associates me with bc he really enjoyed it even tho it was so fucking weird lmao#i really wish i had a video of my kidz bop powerpoint bc it was iconic. maybe i can rework it for standup class and video it then!!
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hm.
#technically this is not irreparable. if i get a 70 on the next exam and an 80 on the final i will pass. BUT the likelihood of that happening#is so fucking low i don’t know what to do lmfao i have never in my life done this bad in a class. i cant keep running to the river to sob my#eyes out over fucking physics this is ridiculous. but also i really really REALLY don’t want to drop it if there’s even a chance of me#passing bc it’s a prereq for one of my classes next semester. and that class is 4 credits and we’re only allowed to take 3 credits alongside#our co op which is bullshit but what am i supposed to do abt it. so if i withdraw i’d need to push back my graduation when it’s already#fucking pushed back thanks to this being a five year program and i cannot afford to do that. el oh el#personal#the physics chronicles
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planning classes has me going "hehehe *kicking my feet*" but i know as soon as i actually have to attend those classes my brain is going to be like "😐😐😐"
#damien.txt#having a revival of a very specific academic fascination bc my brain decided that rereading if we were villains is a good idea#which is like. one of the main driving forces behind my interest in history & english#and now im like................. hehe shakespeare#to be fair. the plan was always to take shakespeare next semester. the plan has been to take the shakespeare class since i started undergra#because quite literally i have been interested in shakespeare since i was 11 so. this is a long term interest#but now my brain is like hehe...... what if....... shakespeare ma#BITCH. where did this come from. hello????#first of all. do you know how many shakespeare ma programs exist in the world? like 4.#second. brain what. where is this coming from#and now it's trying to convince me of stupid things like 'you should try and learn latin again'#in what WORLD have i ever enjoyed learning latin (<- i have literally studied latin 3 seperate times in my life)#the answer is never. i have never enjoyed it. and i have hardly retained any of it#but ohhhhh boy the urge.... The Urges....#this specific mood always comes up whenever i get back into dark academia stuff again bc i am predictable and not unique#and i always get back into dark academia when it starts to get cold outside bc it's like something awakens within me#that goes 'oh right. we like academia. also the aesthetic hits' and i go FUCK. YOU'RE RIGHT.#but also here i am. writing this tumblr text post instead of doing my actual academics. so. it's all fake anyways#oh! but im very hype abt this shakespeare class actually#bc i think we might have a performance project.... which probably im going to dread when i actually have to do it#but <3<3<3<3<3 i love performing shakespeare so much. it's so much fun to me.#said like a true theater kid fr but. truly and honestly i miss doing that the most from theatre. and i didn't even really get to do it much#mostly just when i got to pick monologues out to do in class in between performances and stuff like that#so. i am a little bit hype. to do that. hopefully it is actually fun and not a complete drag#okay okay im done ranting
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i am going. to scream.
#APPARENTLY only one of my classes was approved from my transfer so i have to retake org chem inorg chem programing AND mathematics 2#feeling absolutely murderous but i am NOT going to take another year to finish this goddamn degree.#so I FUCKING GUESS ill be taking 1.5 semesters worth of classes next autumn and 2 semesters worth next spring 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃#legitimately resisting the urge to throw something out the window
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