#i miss being a college student so badly actually and I honestly regret dropping out. Like I did before but now

[snootlestheangel]

Drowning out my feelings with Dr. Pepper, falling back in love with Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red, and thoughts of Mother Hen Wolf Shifter!Ghost

*rant in the tags if y'all want*

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Non-Character

anonymous said: Hiii can you please do a Gwilym!Brian x Reader where the reader is really into Roger ( he's into her as well ) but Brian has a crush on the reader and they are outside the college laying in the grass looking at the stars talking about life and stuff? Thank you very much ❤️

(a/n: i’m not really sure where this picture came from after ben’s ig, i found it on google images. it’s where i find most of my pics but if this is yours PLZ LET ME KNOW i will credit you. same with every post!!!! i have a bad tendency to collect pictures without sources. im dumb ok thank u thas all)

“Are you sure I have to show up to this night class?” Roger lamented, nodding at Brian as he held open the door of the Student Union for the two of you. “I could just skip and go to the library with the both of you, I bet the lecture’s going to be shit anyways.”

“No, Rog, you need to go to class. It’s once a week, you’re not going to kick the bucket because of one little 3 hour class one day a week,” you admonished, giving Roger a warning look and trying not to smile as he gave you that same innocent, doe-eyed look he gave you every time he wanted something. He knew how to play all of your weaknesses, but you weren’t having it this time, no matter how adorable he was.

Catching up with you two, Brian nodded and pulled his knapsack a bit farther up his shoulder. “Y/N’s right. I reckon you should go, it’s not like we’re going to do anything grand you’ll miss out on at the library.”

“Thank you, Brian,” you said, smiling at him before looking back at Roger and resting a friendly hand on Brian’s upper arm. “See, the brain has spoken. Just go to class, mate.” You didn’t notice, but Brian’s breath caught in his throat as you rested your hand on him, and he mentally cursed himself for letting you have that much of an effect on him. He almost made an audible noise of disappointment when your hand did return to your side.

Roger pouted for a moment, then sighed and deflated a bit as he realized he wasn’t going to get anywhere in this conversation. “Alright, I’ll see you both tomorrow morning, right?” he asked, giving Brian a friendly hug before picking you up in a hug and making you squeal from laughter, your arms wrapping around his neck as he spun you around once. Sitting you back on the ground carefully, he then gave you a proper hug and Brian could feel his chest tightening as Roger whispered something into your ear that only you could hear. “And I’ll see you tomorrow night, love.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, Roger’s words making you dizzy as you looked forward to tomorrow night even more. Pulling away from the hug, he gave you a quick kiss on the cheek, then bid you both farewell as he jogged off to his night class.

After watching him for a moment and smiling widely, you turned to face Brian, who looked mildly uncomfortable as he looked off after Roger still. “You alright?” you asked, moving into his line of sight and snapping him out of what seemed like a mini-trance.

“Yeah, yeah,” Brian said after a moment, smiling bashfully and moving his hands to hold the straps of his knapsack. “Think the food from the Union is having a row in my stomach, I’ll be alright, though. Library?” he asked, desperate to change the subject.

“Well, it’s nice out now, so I was thinking maybe we could go over to the park instead? It’s quiet there, and we’d be able to do all of our studying still.” You gave Brian a semi-concerned look, then glanced down at the park for a moment before looking back at him. “If your stomach is upset, maybe some fresh air would be better for you anyways?”

Brian mulled over the thought for a moment, mainly so he’d forget about Roger and just focus on you. After a moment, he nodded. “I can’t say no to nature.”

“I know,” you giggled, grinning widely as you held out your arm for him, which he took carefully. As you started walking towards the park, which was just down the hill, you kept talking, which allowed Brian to remind himself not to read too much into you knowing personal things about his life. You were his friend, not his girlfriend. Not his girlfriend. “I think I’ll stay in London, I haven’t much to do back in my hometown that’s worth moving for. Maybe I’ll get a second or third job… What are your plans for the summer break, Bri?”

“Me?” Brian asked, pulling himself out of his self-pitying state and standing up a bit straighter as he thought about it. “I’ve decided I’ll stay in London too. But I think I’ll only get a second job, and I suppose that’s all you should do too. Otherwise, how would we all get to spend time together?” He knew he wanted to say you and I, but he forced himself to say ‘we all,’ more for his heart’s benefit than anything.

You laughed at the thought, and as you neared an empty picnic bench at the park, you looked up at him with a teasing look on your face. “What if I don’t want to spend time with you all? Sometimes, you chaps get on my nerves, honestly. I think maybe I’ll take a break from you lot this summer.”

“Ouch,” Brian feigned hurt, laughing as he sat across from you on the picnic table and started unpacking his bag. As you did the same, he glanced at you for a moment and his heart skipped a beat at how happy you looked, surrounded by grass and trees, by air, and by him. He wanted so badly for you to look up and realize the same thing, but you were preoccupied with your books, so he chewed on his lip anxiously before looking back down and trying to focus on what was in front of him.

You both got most of your work knocked out by the time the sun was setting, so you decided to call it a night with the studying and instead just talk, since it was still nice out. Somehow, you got on to the topic of your favorite childhood memories, and that conversation carried you straight into pure nighttime. Neither of you really noticed until you looked up when you were laughing at something Brian said and you were surprised to see brilliant stars adorning the night sky.

“Wow,” you breathed out, admiring the night sky and smiling in wonder as your eyes twinkled under the cosmos. Brian watched the reflection of the sky in your eyes, smiling softly to himself at how beautiful you were, the cosmos swirling in the blown-out pupils of your eyes and your jaw slightly slack as you marveled at the unknown.

“The universe is beautiful, isn’t it?” Brian asked, finally looking up to the sky and being blown away at how clear it was tonight. To save his neck some pain, he got up and stretched before going to the side of the picnic table and laying down on the hillside, resting his hands on his stomach and staring up at the sky.

“No wonder you’re astrophysics,” you murmured, still enraptured by the sky. After a moment, you joined him on the grass, laying right next to him and staring up at the endless universe, wondering how infinite it really was. “God, it just goes on forever, doesn’t it? It makes everything seem so pointless.”

“The joy of being astrophysics, yes,” he chuckled, glancing over at you for a second before looking back up at the sky. “The universe is a wild and wonderful thing. So much future, so much potential there.”

“Speaking of future, what are your future plans, Bri?” you asked, genuinely curious. You’d never really been able to tell if he was going to finish his Ph.D. or just drop it all for his band – for an emotionally involved man, he was remarkably detached from it all at times, which made him hard to read.

“I think I’d like to finish my thesis eventually,” he said, stretching and yawning. “Not sure when that will be, however. If the band takes off, well… might be a little detour along the way.”

“When the band takes off, will you guys remember poor little me? I’d like to be remembered once you’re all famous and glamorous.” You grinned, teasing him, but he nodded, taking you seriously.

“If you think any of us will ever forget you for a second, you’re about as daft as a doorknob.” That got you laughing and you hid your face, shaking your head as Brian grinned at you. “What’s your plans, Y/N?”

You subsided your giggles and uncovered your face, still smiling as you hugged your waist and considered the concept for a moment. “I’m not sure, really. I like living day to day, not really sure where I’m going in life. Brings about a lot of adventure when you don’t make plans, eh?”

“That, or drains your bank account,” Brian joked, receiving a playful eye roll from you in response.

“You’re so straight-laced sometimes,” you teased back, shaking your head and hugging yourself tighter. “Must be all the science classes.” Brian only smiled at that, both of you quieting and looking at the sky again. You couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty again, murmuring to yourself, “Incredible.”

“Puts life into perspective, doesn’t it? How no matter what we choose for our future, we’re all going to end up as the same cosmic dust we arose from.”

“Incredibly depressing, Brian,” you laughed, elbowing him gently. “You should have been an English major… I almost did, actually. We could have had classes together.”

“You, English?” he asked, raising an eyebrow but not looking at you. “Like, just English?”

“English Education. Yeah, I know. Me, a teacher?” You giggled at the thought, toying with the necklace that was resting on your collarbones. “I’m nowhere near that personality type. You’ve got that locked down, but I’m too harebrained.”

“You’re not harebrained,” Brian refuted, frowning a bit and looking over at you. “You’re just a bit all over the place. You’re a lot like Roger.”

He regretted saying that as soon as he brought it up, Roger’s name bringing a smile to your face and making him irrationally jealous since it wasn’t his name doing that to you. It should be him. He’d never forgive himself for letting you slip through his fingers, but it was too far gone to go back on it now.

He’d had his chance, long before you’d even properly met Roger. You were over at Brian’s every night, you did everything together. In fact, you two were the inseparable ones, and Brian thought that would last forever. He’d grown used to having you attached at the hip, so he hadn’t thought twice about introducing you to Roger. Never did he suspect that it would be your undoing.

“Y/N! C’mere, love!” Brian had called to you, beckoning you over with his hand as you’d stood across the room, chatting with a friend of yours you’ve long since forgotten. You’d glanced over at him, and a wide smile passed over your lips as you’d seen him watching you with a grin, a mysterious, shorter blonde man to his left watching you as well. 

You excused yourself and crossed the room, reaching out and taking Brian’s hand delicately. He’d encompassed your hand with his and twirled you, eliciting a giggle from your lips before he pulled you into his side, wrapping his arm securely around your shoulder and giving you a squeeze as he grinned down at you, a wide smile still plastered on your face.

“You alright, Bri?” you’d asked, holding out your drink to cheers with him really quick. He’d clinked his glass to yours and lifted it slightly before taking a drink, then swallowed it quickly and cleared his throat.

“Y/N, I’d like you to meet Roger Taylor. He’s the drummer in my band that you still haven’t come to see,” he had teased gently, giving you a pointed look. You laughed at that and shook your head, then you’d finally looked over to the blonde man who held out his hand and smiled warmly.

You took his hand and shook it politely, smiling toothily at him. “Hello, Roger. I’m Y/N, obviously. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Y/N,” he’d replied, his voice higher and coarser than you’d originally expected. You did notice that his eyes were a dazzling shade of blue, and complimented his shaggy blonde hair that fell over his face in disarray.

You reached up to take Brian’s hand that was resting on your shoulder, intertwining your fingers and letting your hands rest there together as you struck up a conversation between you all. Brian’s thumb had ran over your knuckles absentmindedly as you rested your head on his shoulder, and to the untrained eye, you two would have looked like a perfectly content couple.

But then you finally came to a Smile show, which turned into a Queen show, which turned into more nights at Roger’s and less nights at Brian’s, until they were practically all nights at Roger’s. Brian figured maybe it was his curse, as he’d tried getting over you with Mary, which only ended up with Mary in Freddie’s arms and not his as well.

But either way, you’d went from total strangers with Roger to his second half. It was like Brian was an in-between, a stepping stone.

“Bri, do you think Roger and I are a good pair?” you asked after a moment, your voice softer and a bit more vulnerable. Brian slowly pulled himself out of his flashback to the simpler days, then slowly went over what you said.

He swallowed hard. “Why do you ask?” he managed, fighting the tremor that threatened to plague his voice. You shrugged, looking over at him for a moment as the smile escaped from your lips and worry filled your eyes.

“I always think he’s too good for me,” you admitted, chewing on your lip nervously. “Like, it feels like he likes me, but at the same time, he’s so… Roger. And I feel like he could just be faking it for a quick little thing with me. He has so many options, so many beautiful, better options.”

Brian couldn’t help but chuckle at that, albeit a tad bitterly. “A quick thing? You guys have been inseparable for what, a year now? I think you’re a bit safer than you’re letting yourself believe, sweetheart.” Looking up at the sky again, he swallowed hard again and tried to ignore the heat filling his face. “And it’s the other way around. If anything, you’re too good for Roger. He’s lucky to have you. I don’t think he’d ever try to fuck that up, or he really is mental.”

“Aw, Bri, you mean it?” you cooed, blind to the unrequited love that was taking place right then and there. You just thought he was being a good friend, and you were wildly misunderstanding, which killed Brian.

He felt his chest swelling, and not in the good way. He quickly realized he was about to tear up, and the salty tears stinging at his eyes confirmed that fear as he turned his head slightly away from you. Jesus, Brian, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. Crying over your best friend’s girl, just because you can’t have her.

“Yeah,” he managed to reply in a quiet voice, stretching again and scratching his neck. “Yeah, I really do mean it.”

“You’re such a sweetheart, Bri,” you murmured, still staring up at the sky and thinking about seeing Roger tomorrow night. You couldn’t wait to see him again, even just the thought of his beautiful eyes sending a shock throughout your body. He was electric, and you craved his energy tonight, but all good things come to those who wait.

Unbeknownst to you, Brian was letting the tears roll down his face silently, tearing himself up inside as he reckoned with the fact that it was never going to be him that you thought about at night. It was never going to be him picking you up in bear hugs. It was never going to be him taking you out at night, or staying in with you at night. It was never going to be him, whispering secrets in your ear, or him skipping class to spend time with you.

He was just the background character, a supporting act, and he figured it was nobody else’s fault but his own. Brian had dug his grave as a non-character, and now he had to lay in it.

taglist: @crosmopolitan @just-ladyme @rogerfxckingtaylor @fourmisfitz @shae-is-not-ok @moreinfinite

[fanaste]

Knock knock who’s there?

Title: Knock knock who’s there?

Fandom: OMGCheckplease

Pairing: Larissa ‘Lardo’ Duan / Shitty Knight

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 2038

Part 2 of The Lardo and Shitty Chronicles.  Also on AO3

Shitty’s phone buzzes next to him just before he face plants into the thickest textbook he’s ever had the pleasure of hauling home.

Lardo: Knock Knock.

His grin is reflexive.

Shitty: Who’s there?

A knock on his actual door startles him.  He glances from the chipboard partition, that would be satisfactory in keeping all the hallway noise out if his walls weren’t so thin and his neighbour so fond of German house music, to his phone.  The three little bubbles of an impending reply hover below his but then they vanish.

The knocking comes again.

Sighing, Shitty gives a regretful – honestly – (he hates studying but he does feel bad stopping) look to his homework and rises from the chair to answer the door.

His phone vibrates on the desk as he turns the handle and throws the door back.

Lardo’s standing there.

Larissa Duan is standing there in all her glory.

Dark hair tucked under a knit cap that’s – yes that is his, and her beautiful lips, strawberry lip balm red, curved into a beaming smile.  Her eyes are soft, her eyeliner’s melted into the creases beneath and her pupils are wide in the dim light.  In fact all of her looks soft, from her hat (his), to her oversized sweatshirt (Jack’s), to the woolly hiking socks folded over the ankles of her boots.  He wants to scoop her up and squeeze her tight like senor bun.  Except he can’t move and the longer he looks at her the harder it is to see her because she’s sort of wavering in front of him like she’s shaking, or behind a wall of water.  When his eyes start to sting and the back of his throat throbs Shitty realises he wants to cry.

Law school is hard okay and he’s missed his best bro.

Her smile falters. “Dude are you okay?”

He’s been missing everyone chronic for weeks.  Technically he’s only just over an hour away but to go from seeing your best friends every day to seeing them once a week at best- but more like twice every month because he’s buried under so much revision he’s contemplated just lining the wall with the pages to see if the absorption method works for him- it’s difficult.  It’s an adjustment.  He’s made it before at Andover but he feels less resilient as an adult.  Set in his ways like an old man, resistant to change and hesitant to embrace it’s curves.  Maybe he felt this way before and just doesn’t remember or maybe he feels it like heartache this time because he really found his people at Samwell.  For all it’s objection to being like any other high school (because you weren’t paying all that tuition for something so common as a regular education) Andover was like any other high school.  Socially speaking at least.  Friendships of convenience took up the first three years, friendships of choice only happening during the last when it was just long enough to feel real but too short to really hold on to them.  He still keeps in touch with some of those final year friends but when he thinks of them and he thinks of the team the feelings aren’t the same.  How he feels about his team is completely different to how he feels about the casual Andover friends, even if he ends up calling them for connections in the next few years.

The feelings for Samwell are huge and deep and unlike anything he ever thought he would or could feel and because of this he feels the distance between him and them keenly

He skypes Jack twice every week but it only makes him feel more homesick for the chaotic days at the Haus. There is nobody on this campus in his building that he would feel comfortable sitting naked on the bed of. There is no one on this campus in his building who would feel comfortable letting him.  His family keep telling him that the time to get serious is now, in college it was okay to dick about a bit but Harvard Law does not tolerate silly buggers.  Which is ridiculous because what do they expect is going to happen when they work their students near to death but don’t provide them with an outlet to cut loose that doesn’t happen in a bar surrounded by people you don’t want to make a bad impression in front of?

Squeeze someone from top and bottom and all they do is leak out at the sides.  No human person can withstand that much pressure without popping some screws.

Calling Lardo is almost worse.  Having to say the words goodbye at the end are torture, and even though hearing her voice is a lullaby on his ragged nerves all the images and feelings it conjures leave him living in fear of the moment their conversations end.  So much so that he starts to dread it from the moment she picks up.  The fear of how awful it will feel to hang up stops him from fully investing himself in the moment and for the last three phone calls it’s made him feel like utter shit to notice that Lardo has noticed his absent mind.

“I know this is a surprise and I should have probably called but…I brought Brownies.” She rummages in her bag to take them out but Shitty reaches for her, sliding his arm around her waist and bringing her close.  Her bag bashes into the door frame.  He cups her face in his palm feeling the chill of her smooth cheek.  Shitty has imagined a moment like this a thousand times. What would she feel like in his arms with this intention? How would she react? Frozen and stiff or soft and melty? What would she say to him? Anything at all? Would she push him away or just gasp like she’s wanted this as badly as he has for years?

He didn’t know whether this moment would be at Samwell or when they met up for breaks or at games when he and Jack visited.  He didn’t know whether this moment would ever happen.

He imagined all the scenarios just so he could be prepared.

But for all his day dreaming he didn’t imagine it’d be halfway out into his dorm hallway with tears of relief and happiness in his eyes.  Realistically he should have expected something with a little less poetry and a little more truth but realism has no place in a fantasy.

He could go on about the logistics and rules of fantasies but he can’t because he’s got Lardo in his arms and she isn’t pushing him away.  She isn’t stiff and frozen but neither is she warm and melty.

He drops his hand from her face as soon as he realises but he does hug her tightly, not in a sexual way of course, in a ‘oh my god I’ve missed you so much bro’ way with his face hooked over her shoulder and her arms wrapped around him all comforting.  The kind of way they’re used to touching. Close but not close enough to ruin the delicate dance of denial about the feelings they both know they have for one another.

She feels as soft in his embrace as she looks.

“God Lards,” His sigh melts him into the hug, “I missed you so much.”

Lardo curls the fingers of one hand into his short ‘law school appropriate’ hair.  “I missed you too.  So much.” She sighs sounding equally affected.

They both pull back but neither make a move to free themselves from their tangled limbs. Shitty can see her better now the tears have cleared and she is so beautiful.  The shaved side of her hair is growing out fuzzy and it tickled his cheek. The long side is plaited over her shoulder tied off with a bright elastic that looks like the ones Chowder puts on his brace brackets.  He lets his gaze flick from her rich warm brown eyes to her soft strawberry lips. He does it once, twice, three times before she licks them and says,

“Yes.”

Shitty hesitates. “Yes?”

“Kiss me,” she whispers tentatively.  Breathless. “Please?”

Shitty doesn’t need to be asked twice…well okay he was asked twice but this is explicit consent and so he lowers his head until he’s a mere whisper away from her mouth.  He can smell her lip balm and it drives him forwards.

Shitty’s kissed a lot of people in his lifetime.  There was that brief moment in the last half of sophomore year when he realised he was dangerously close to falling in love with Lards and he thought the best way to get over her was to get under someone else.  It did not work, obviously.

Shitty has placed his lips upon a lot of lips but nobody’s lips compare to hers.  He didn’t really ever think they could.  He told himself to take her off the pedestal but she’s been up there the whole time swinging her legs gaily looking down at him, promising him gold with her smile.

Lardo’s lips are soft and supple and tasty.  He’s dreamt of kissing her since the moment they met but there was always a risk that the dream wouldn’t live up to the reality.  That in working so hard to have nothing more than a friendly ‘you’re my bro, bro’ relationship they’d actually achieve it and when they kissed Shitty would be thinking ‘this isn’t right’ as opposed to thinking ‘this is everything to me and I can’t believe I’m inhabiting my body right now’.

But it is the disbelieving feeling, the feeling of doubt that anything in this world could feel as good as he and Lardo kissing finally and he is overjoyed (and overwhelmingly relieved) that these feelings fall into the latter category.

He’s about to sweep his tongue across her bottom lip to take this kiss to the next level when she breaks away.

Shitty feels the cold sweep of air between them immediately.  His mouth is tingly and his chest feels like it’s trying to exists in too much space.  Lardo’s breathing hard, her chest heaving with it but she doesn’t say anything just grabs the strap of her bag.  He holds his breath and tries to brace himself for what she may say or do next.  He thinks it’ll kill him if she says she regrets this.  If she laughs and says something like;

“Wow that was weird, actually.”

It would hurt but just because his heart was dancing in her chest, just because his blood was rushing around like he’d been shot gunning lines didn’t mean Lardo’s was.  It took two to tango.  

Two bodies, two brains and two thought processes.

Shallow breathed he watches as she ducks out from under the strap of her bag, drops it on the floor where it lands with a thud, and then launches herself back into his arms.  His arms moving to catch her is as automatic as her decision to wrap her legs round his waist.  They start sweet as before savouring the simple feeling of connection but it lasts all of three seconds before Lardo’s licking his bottom lip and he opens his mouth letting her sweep her tongue in, exploring all Shitty has to offer, pushing her body even closer, pressing her softs breasts to his firm chest.  He groans, its unintentional and he flushes with embarrassment but Lardo doesn’t pull back to laugh, she doesn’t stop kissing him.

Part of him never wants this to end but the bigger part of him, the part that wants to breathe – not that part- has him breaking their kiss with a shuddering gasp.

Both of them stare into each others eyes panting like they’ve just sprinted uphill.

Eventually Lardo swallows, a wry smile tipping up the corner of her kiss plump lips and says, “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Shitty laughs breathlessly, “Yeah.” He steps back into his apartment and shuts the door behind him.

Five minutes later Shitty steps back out in the hallway, boxers exposed in the loose v of his unbuckled pants to swipe up Lardo’s abandoned bag.

[imapinkflamingo]

and this is why I do what I do!!!

If you have watched the 65th Miss Universe Competition that was held in my home country last January 2017, you probably heard the questions that was asked to Miss Philippines-

What is the most significant change you've seen in the world in the last 10 years?

Her answer isn’t bad at all but in my own opinion, she probably can do better, but then, who I am to judge her, I probably won’t even manage to enter the screening of Binibining Pilipinas let alone represent Philippines in this prestigious event. So to Maxine, who did all the best she can to bag the crown, I salute you.

But after the pageant, and Ms. France was crowned as the New Miss Universe, that questions made me think “What is the most significant change I've seen in the world in the last 10 years”, and if I were to ask the same question as she had, I probably answer like this:

The most significant change I’ve seen in the world in the last 10 years is how technology advances drastically that it becomes an integral part of our daily lives. Because of technology we have awaken the storyteller, the voices, and the ideas that is living inside of us. Technology became a very powerful tool that can be compared to MJOLNIR the hammer of Thor in the movie Thor or the fish hook of Maui in Disney’s Moana.

From what I’ve read in one of the blogs I usually visits, we’re all born storytellers and I couldn’t agree more on that. It's part of the species. We spend most of our lives, wittingly or unwittingly, telling stories. In fact, it’s not something we have to learn, it’s something we do, day in and day out, every day. It’s something that we are able to do at the age of two.

Jerome Bruner has documented how little children at this age, as soon as they can start to talk, show that they understand the stories that their families tell them, and they start to tell their own stories, and in particular start to tell stories to themselves as part of their first efforts to make sense of their lives.

It happens so easily and so spontaneously and so pervasively that some scientists believe that storytelling is hard-wired into our brains.

If you know me personally, some say that I’m quiet, reserved, monosyllabic, never saying a word at the dinner table, never regaling with stories. So what I am doing, bothering to come out with a story about people being storytellers.

To answer that question, let me tell you another story. My story.

For the last 26 years, I’ve been trying hard to find my place, on why I do what I do. I have tried numerous ways, tests to find and come out with that one special thing people call passion, I thought it was art, but it’s actually just a part of a bigger picture. Just one part.

I’ve tried almost everything and anything that I can get my hands on, building business, finding jobs but nothings fulfills me.

As the saying goes, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything. Nothing satisfies me that it’s affecting not only me mentally and emotionally but everything, people, relationship that involves me. Well just a heads up, this is not a how to overcome story or success story, it’s just a story, my story.

I get so fed up that living becomes a chore. A very boring chore and how badly I pray to anyone to show me the end of this dark tunnel. But then after giving some thought, I came to realize that this is my story and it depends on me on how to write it, in what genre will I be basing it. Be it e a dramatic one, a thriller, a comedy, a horror, it all depends on me.

And so I drag my sorry ass, and force myself to try once more. I wanted to change my story and not just remain in this single page that I keep re-writing. We all have that desire to change our own story for the good. We all keep writing our stories everyday and believing that it will someday not long from now will lead to a better one, a happy extraordinary story to tell our next generation someday.

Well, I do hope that myself and that becomes a driving force for me to find my why, which I don’t know yet until I happen to stumble on Brad Hussey’s blog. The thing is, when I’m in trouble or in doubt, I don’t usually like talking about it to anybody, I keep it all to myself and the internet becomes my only confidante. What I do is, I google everything I want to know and from the robust solutions google offers, I search the most interesting story that I can find, and most of the time, google never fails me. That’s why it became my habit that when people ask me something I always answer: Igoogle na yan, meaning why not try google to search for it.

One of the many reasons why I consider myself blessed to live in this century cause if I were born on the latter year imagine what would I do every time I have a questions in mind, I probably be living in a library or a bookstore by then.

So back to my story, given that I don’t have much choice left, I decided to try a trending career that everybody seems to adore and praises. Become a Web/Graphic Designer. Sure, that shouldn’t be a problem, after all I’m a Computer Science Student in College, that should be easy peasy, So I set a new goal, to become a web designer and have my so called FREEDOM. That was last September 2016 but why is that up until now I didn’t manage to become one and I still don’t have any website that has my name on it.

I don’t even know why, I’m as puzzled as you, as soon as I decided that I wanted t be a Web Designer, I Immediately purchase courses online teaching the quickest way on how to design a website, read numerous books recommend by almost everybody, and boy, I was drowning in information. But I can’t seem to finish what I started, and I get tired and just drop the whole thing then in an instant I shifted to a career that I thought would suit be better.

A wedding card designer, up until I realized recently that I’m not really good with “physical product”. So what’s left of me, back into web designing just to kill time and hopefully earn some extra income.

As a habit, while opening 30-40 tabs of different sites on how to become a web designer, and downloaded countless free-ebooks detailing how can I be a successful Free Lancer, I remember Brad Hussey’s blog, I have always admired that guy because he was able to build a company and work for himself. And you can feel his passion towards what he is doing, just go ahead and check out his courses in Udemy. You will never regret. It’s a really good investment for your hard earned money. So yeah, I reread the entire content of his site, and at that instant I was fascinated and captivated once more by his beautiful, very wonderful story, about his life, his family, his wife and kids, his vacations, about everything that he does, and I tell to myself, this man is living at his dream life, his living life to the fullest. And honestly my heart aches realizing that I can have a totally different lifestyle if I can only find my passion. What I don’t know that time is that I’m actually having the wrong question.

Then I remember that somewhere in my file I have saved his free-eBook on freelancing, a 68page book, The Seven Step Free-Lancing Roadmap: How To Build Your Freelance Business When You Have No Idea Where To Start, and is it a coincidence or maybe just the universe trying to remind to slow down cause I already have my answer.

So here we goes, I open the book and guess what it ask me to do on his Step 1: Define your Why. His explanation seems to hit hard on me, but I feel like there’s more that I want to know, the good thing is on the last part of the 1st Step he gave a link to watch Simon Sinek's Ted Talk, called "How great leaders inspire action”.

Nothing to lose, I quickly head to the link and downloaded it in my mobile phone. So after downloading and listening to it while on my way home, I feel “enlighten” that I literally utter the word “and that’s it, that’s what I’m missing all this years, “that is why I can’t find it, cause I don’t know what is my WHY?...

I didn’t know my WHY. Why do I do what I do?

And in that instant, answers came flooding, reflection after reflection

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever”.

Then I look back, why did I took Computer Science when I was in College, why I love to browse and search information online, why I love the website so much, why I love to read blogs and such, why I can stay in social media for hours. Why I love to write and put my opinion in my blog. It’s because I am a storyteller and at the same I am also a story listener.

We all have our own stories that we love to tell the world. Just look into facebook for an instance and you can see the countless post of individual people going on and on about their daily lives. We are all story tellers.

We all want the world to know our stories, that’s why the blogging industry is booming cause everybody wants to have a say at something. Everybody wants to be involve at something. And what better ways to tell this stories than to take advantage of the technology that is accessible to everybody at any given time anywhere in the world. See, that is the power of today’s technology, it create bridges and remove boundaries.

With the advance technology that we have, any information can be easily access to any devices, ipads mobile, as long as you have the connection. The gap of doubts and questions that we are embarrassed to ask others and keep hidden to ourselves can be easily verify and answer with just a single search in google or yahoo.

But with this privilege comes a heavy responsibility that most of us maybe don’t know, forgotten and usually ignored.

I remember an incident just last year that in my opinion describe this very situation, where one of my schoolmate in highschool was being attacked by a random individual who clearly don’t know his place when he said those harsh words to her. But hooray, my schoolmate backfired with a very witty response that in my opinion, doesn’t only applies to that individual but we should take a good look and learn from it

“I was trained by the University of the Philippines to pursue honor before excellence, to check my facts before sharing, to make sure that I understand the underlying meaning behind these words before I react, and If I don’t understand to ask questions”. Suzie F. Abela

Sometimes we can’t guarantee the credibility and "trueness" of the information that we found in search engines. But instead of checking facts, we blindly absorb or follow what they tell us, what to buy, to eat, what to watch, without even asking ourselves why do we need to. Just because it’s the current trend we tend to ignore the obvious facts underlying. We see bashing/ arguments everywhere and believe what we first read without knowing both sides. And it’s not technologies shortfall which we always used as a shield.

And that is why I choose web development and designing; I want to make a difference on how my story, your story, our stories will be share online. I have never been this eager to listen to your heart warming and delightful stories and make a way on how to share it responsibly so others will learn and be delighted in your success.

So why I do I do what I do? Because I am both a storyteller and a story listener. And I make it my goal to deliver reputable, reliable and accessible stories that can inspire and improve other’s daily lives. I want to create a haven where a storyteller and a story listener like myself can interact harmoniously.

To sum it up, let me borrow the iconic passage that makes Philippines shines once more. Sharing beautiful stories confidently with a heart, that’s why I create and develop websites.

(sorry for all the grammatical errors, I just need to write down my thoughts without filters so I can be at ease.. hahahaha)