#being in the POV of child mode is one thing but you REALLY get a sense of scale--

[malzykins]

mf is 2 chik-fil-a sauces tall

[gojoest]

Ai!!! I cannot for the life of me remember if it’s been discussed..

You know how strangers/people in general suddenly get really touchy with pregnant people? Like strangers feel like they can just touch pregnant bellies without permission and it’s really gross

So exactly how many wrists has pregnancy freak satoru broken? (Or how insanely defensive is pregnancy freak Satoru over his very pregnant beloved?)

ohhh leigh ……. he is extremely defensive it is actually a bit concerning. like, in general he is very protective of you but things change drastically after you get pregnant.

in his eyes there’s this duality to you where, on one hand, you’re the most fragile being ever therefore he treats you likewise – he’s very delicate and careful with handling you, holding you, talking to you even. and it’s not like he puts some sort of additional effort to do so, it just comes naturally bc he loves you so fucking much. but on the other – you’re the closest thing to god a human can be, holy and sacred and very strong for what you’re doing - you are a life giver, you carry his child, you give his life a meaning – and he’s got the privilege to be with you, so he’s in worship mode all the time.

and like, naturally, when ppl approach you, admiring your glow and belly, and try to touch your baby bump he feels an influx of two mixed emotions. first, he’s sick anxious and worried that they might hurt you in some way, literally on his toes out of pure instinct to protect. yk when a mother cat won’t let you close to her kittens even if you’re approaching with good intent, it’s bc she doesn’t trust anyone but herself around them –  that’s how satoru’s mind works too. and the other emotion is absolute intolerance towards the fact that someone else has the audacity to touch something so pristine and sacred, to draw close to his god. like, no. no, no, no. he’s already possessive as hell, but the pregnancy brings out a whole new level to that. that swollen belly is like a seal to him that’s supposed to keep others at a certain distance from you – like it is the most evident sign that you are his – yet some still come and try to break it (his pov). and no, he’s not having it at all. and he doesn’t care if it’s a grandma from the neighborhood doing so he is just so sick in the head atp he’s setting barriers around you for god’s sake, like do not touch my wife do not look at my wife do not breathe around my wife GET LOST

so yea, if ppl treasure their lives and wrists they should know their place :,)

[sup-geek]

Thoughts on the PJO Finale

Not gonna lie I'm gonna be that person to rain on everyone's parade in their glazing the finale and clarify those many things that I #DidNotCareFor, that:

I did not like how Mount Olympos looked, up to and including the throne room. You'll excuse me if I sound like a Pretentious Academic, An 'I Went to Art School' Type™️, but Olympos seems too large and grandiose in that there's too much going on within that one shot, too much stuff filling up the screen. As for the throne room: the throne does not fit to his frame, Zeus honest-to-God looks comical what with the throne being that much bigger than him, it's like a child seated atop some carnival ride, and you know what? I'm gonna say it, that you guys are gonna @ me like this, that which is the most grevious sin within our fandom, but Imma say it: #TheMovieDidItBetter.

Zeus having his bolt being returned to him and yet insisting on proceeding with the war anyway, his' being depicted as an egotistical ass all but salivating at a change to one-up his brothers was so nonsensical. Because, you know, it's not as if the two of them are already ultimately subject to his authority, that he ultimately rules over them as king of the gods, lord of the cosmos. 🙄

Percy figuring that Luke was the thief, them having a fight. Percy once again going into Exposition Mode™️ and straight up explaining this here antagonist's exact plans and/or motives, like, it's not. a sense of betrayal. that said character. already! knows! what happens beforehand!

Furthermore, I was really hoping that Luke's betrayal of Percy would go down the way it went in the book in that we could've got a REALLY COOL First-person POV showing from Percy's perspective of him trudging his way through the woods and back to camp à la this, fighting the scorpion venom as it seeps through his blood and is killing him, his knees wobbling and his breath shortening, because for him to die there in the woods is to have no one who can attest as to Luke's having joined with Kronos and working to take down Olympos. That was a seriously missed opportunity there.

Gabe being killed. I feel as if us actually seeing Gabriel being murdered in actuality lessened the impact that it would otherwise had, that with Percy (and the audience at large) finding out as he reads a letter from to him from Sally about what exactly happened (the previous chapter having effectively closed on a cliffhanger if you remember, Percy leaving Sally to take matters into her own hands), you get a real moment of “ohhh, SHI-”, 😳.

If anything, with regards to the change(s) the show made in Gabe & Sally's dynamic, so much so that a significant number of people just didn’t read it as abusive, the scene doesn't read as 'physically violent abuser receiving their just comeuppance', that Sally makes this decision that works to have it so that she can freely determine the course of her life going forward, that she is indeed afforded the chance that so many abuse victims don't get as to be assuredly, permanently, rid of their tormentor, it's played as comedic.

[cromulentreader]

TPT reading thoughts chapters 20-25

And done reading. I avoid rating books outside of liking them - or not - and would re-read (or not). I liked this one more than TSH, so pleasantly surprised. I will re-read certain scenes in this book with Jude, Madoc and Tiernan.

Chapter 20 (cont.) 

Elaine dies too and Oak complaining

The Roach <3 Roiben and Kaye mini-cameo <3

Randalin, you bitch! Cardan would not be ok with dying by Randalin’s hand. Unacceptable, really

Fala delivered the best line of his existence

Oak goes kill-mode-activated. Jude blames Madoc. Leander got the Madoc’s clan baptism

Cardan has long forgotten about not being a killer and wants to kill anyone sus. I can’t blame him

I’m confused about the POV, ngl 

Chapter 21/22

Why would Dain have a crest beside the Greenbriar crest?

Honey-mothing your lover. Tsk, tsk. Ha, he plans to kill her, a family tradition at this stage

“something else to lose”, this boy spent time with Vivi

MOTHER MARROW, I feel betrayed

Bex is inside a nut. This would be a lovely tale

Wait. Oak, child, you still have the usual glamour right? Why wouldn’t that be enough to get Bex to behave? 

Bogdana fight time, yes?

Chapter 23

Jude, Jude, Jude <3

Jude is duelling another family member, Leander better watch out

This is probably the only chapter that brings me back to the Elfhame of the previous trilogy 

Chapter 24

The love spiel was nice but felt off at the same time

Wings? Why?

Madoc had a realization moment. Can he be trusted now? Probably not looking at the chess moves

T&H made up <3<3<3

Wren went to see her unfamily

So Taryn believed killing her abusive husband was the worst thing she did? Really?

Everyone is very cool with Garrett being stuck in a tree

Cardan being awesome

Oak can abdicate but we need a few months for a backup plan, maybe more. I was like “Sir, you know it can take long to conceive?”. Then Cardan talked about going to watch the faerie edition of The Selection

Jude has massive balls to go  back into the undersea

Chapter 25

They’ve spent like 3 months together tops, no need to marry anytime soon 

“King of someplace”, mf forgot about his promise to the Thistlewitch. Promise that Wren can no longer break either

[youredreamingofroo]

📩 Simblr question of the day: What are some of your favorite behind-the-scene screenshots? I'm throwing this out to gameplayers, storytellers, renderers and the like :)

thank you anon!! 🫶🫶

this question is from the @simblr-question-of-the-day blog, check em out if you haven't :)

I'm gonna throw in mostly blender (and GIMP) BTS screenshots cuz i dont really have anymore BTS screenshots from sims 4 LMAO (I also ended up throwing outtakes in at the end :))

putting them under the cut cuz theres A LOT 😭

the full body (and prototype) pose of the Nirvana x Vanella post

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"you got any games on yo phone"

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A wip that i never finished,,, but nirvana being hot and seggsy as always (I wish i was that skeleton...)

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I learned how to do text in blender for the first time

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If you ever wanted to know what the BTS for that last scene in the Wake up Roo post looked like, here you go LMAOO

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not much to say about this one, i think it speaks for itself

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whenever I'm doing stuff on GIMP that involves layer modes, I like to go thru pretty much every single mode to see what looks good and sometimes i get fucking flashbanged 😐 (i also usually edit in the dark... so its literally like a flashbang for me)

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And for funsies, here's some outtakes that I rendered and may have edited that I never shared :D

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if you remember my international womens day post, there was this scene, and while it looks similar, this one is actually darker and is supposed to focus more on Nanel's hand placement :) I didnt go with it cuz iirc it didnt look right next to the other panels, but it is very pretty!

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From my emotions/feelings post, this was gonna be the one I used for Roo, but because of the lighting it looks like his mouth is open and not him just showing his teeth in frustration (which was the intent), so I changed it to be closed

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I think you can instantly see something is off with Kyneva's eyes... 😭😭 The lighting made her eyelashes look weird so I had to adjust the lighting to be more central (lots of lighting issues with these panels...)

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So like the others, the lighting was just too dark and I had to add a brighter light 🙃

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As an introduction of the "story" name for Roo and Leo, I was gonna do a post (which is why I learned to make text in blender) where Roo talks about the significance of the word "Hiraeth" in his life, which is that uhhh he learned Hiraeth from Leo lmao. But now he feels "Hiraeth" for Leo essentially. I still like the idea but for some reason I just haven't vibed with the scene and just haven't been motivated to go back and make that scene now esp. since I've introduced the story name now

- -

I was gonna do a short sequence in the Obsession Desperation post where Leo checks his phone and sees the notifs of Roo texting him, but figured it didn't fit the rest of the post and veto'd it :) But I'm planning/thinking of doing a post where it's Leo's POV/Side-of-things

- -

OKAYY finally the last one LMAOO This one i've shared before and is still an outtake, but i just love it so much I wish i could just shove it into peoples faces like its a cake. Only reason I didnt use this is bc I didn't have any dialogue that fit this panel and it didnt really fit in with the rest of the panels (this was for the Inner Child post btw), maybe I'll use it in a diff post one day <:P

[turtle-mama]

"Both Bayverse and Rise reactions to a clumsy S/O"

Why both? Because I couldn't decide who I liked more.

Might also have fallen while getting on public transit this morning and got back up LIKE A BOSS!

Warnings: falling, little mentions of blood, Fluffy, Death by cute.

Definitely SFW.

NON SPECIFIC Reader POV.

Bay Raph

Sees what just happened and immediately bursts out laughing

Realizes you might actually be hurt but you stand up like a champ!

You laugh it off with him and make fun of yourself (you fall quite a bit)

You tell him you need to be put in bubble wrap

He's slightly worried that you're masking your pain (Since he does the same thing)

You tell him you're fine and you continue to make fun of yourself

He starts to feel like he offended you by laughing instead of helping you.

You sigh, giving him a arm rub.

You reassure him again and tell him it happens all the time and you're surprised this is the first time it has happened in front of him.

He still doesn't feel right so whenever he sees you almost tumble he grabs your hand, waist, arm, the list is endless.

Rise Raph

Big brother mode ACTIVATE!

Oh the poor bean

He is all over you, making a big fuss

As he helps you off the ground he sees you laughing your head off.

He is very confused as you brush yourself off.

You reassure him it happens all the time and that you are surprised this is the first time you have fallen in front of him.

He is a nervous wreck now.

He is following behind you like a scared parent with a toddler learning to walk

Even though you're well aware how to walk.

You glance over to see him watching

Staring

It's starting to get worrying.

You ask him if he's okay and he blinks

"AM I OKAY?! YOURE THE ONE WHO FELL!"

You give a reassuring smile and fall into his chest plate (on purpose)

He panics, catching you in his arms

You tell him that he sweeps you off his feet and you can't tell where his cheeks meet his mask.

Bayverse Leo

What just happened?

Are you okay? Are you hurt? You're laughing? Why are you laughing?!

You tell him about all times you have fallen and have gotten back up.

You reassure him you are okay and continue making fun of yourself

However, he is DEFINITELY NOT convinced.

He checks you over to make sure you're not bleeding

"Nothing's broken? No bleeding? Do you have a concussion?"

You roll your eyes at his ridiculousness

He asks you why you're taking it so well.

You tell him you fell a lot as a child and had to learn to get back up

Making fun of yourself came with the territory.

Now he's embarrassed he made such a fuss.

No worries though.

You tell him he can make a little bit of a fuss every once in a while

You found it cute and kind of nice someone cared.

Rise Leo

Oh he is on the floor with you.

Not because he fell too

But because he's laughing at your clumsy butt!

He remarks how it was such a "Donnie move".

You lay on the floor for a few moments, not really moving.

He gets a little worried and pokes you. Asking you if you can get up.

"I can't I've died, I'm dead."

This sends him on the floor again.

You let out a wide smile and brush yourself off.

Leo whipes his laughter tears and asks in all seriousness if you're okay.

You smirk and reply "if I didn't get up I would have needed CPR."

Leo squirms, pulling your waist to his

"I may not know CPR, but my rad skills will definitely keep you from falling again.

You blush as you both turn to walk away.

You both end up falling on your face.

But it's okay. You just go into a laughing fit and repeat.

Bayverse Donnie

Oh no. Not again.

He sighs taking out a med kit off his shell.

You shake your head, giving a small chuckle that you're okay.

No you're not. Your forehead is bleeding a little.

He smiles, placing pain spray and a bandage over your head.

He gives you a kiss and asks you to be more careful next time.

You chuckle and rub the bandage. Reminding him that its you.

He smiles and lifts you up a little.

"I understand, love. But I'm running out of bandaids.

You apologize for being so clumsy.

He rolls his eyes and kisses your forehead again.

He tells you it's not a bother but he wants you to be more aware of your surroundings.

You apologize again.

He pulls you close to his side so you focus more on his support.

Rise Donnie

Good Galileo, you clumsy dork.

He rolls his eyes. "I give that a five at best.

You fall a lot so you stared rating your attacks to the floor.

"I give that recovery a solid 8 though. Your timing was much quicker than last time."

You burst into laughter, saying how you'll try harder on your landing next time.

He scans the ground, looking for whatever you tripped on.

You reassure him it was just your feet not landing on the ground right.

He stairs at you and you move about your business.

However, he walks plastered to your side.

He's not a fan of physical touch.

But he definitely doesn't want you to fall again.

You smile. Placing your arm around him.

You ask him on his imput about how to fall better.

And this data loving bean pulls out a record of your best falls and tells you about his favorite ones.

Bayverse Mikey

Ahhhh! Oh no! You just fell!

He's panicking.

You stand up, brushing your knees.

He places his hands on your face and squishes your cheeks.

You smile and take his hands off your cheeks.

You reassure him you're okay and poke fun at yourself for "falling with style".

However you see his eyes tear up.

You give another reassurance and kiss his cheek.

He apologized for not paying attention and he will be better next time.

You reassure him again that it wasn't his fault and how you fall all the time.

That doesn't make him feel better qnq

He makes a promise to be there when you fall again.

You remind him thats unrealistic but you appreciate his effort.

You take his hand and tell him this is the best way for now.

He holds your hand with pride as he struts along side you.

He's a good protect boy.

Rise Mikey

10/10 best fall he's ever seen!

You get up and strike a superhero pose.

He cheers you on and looks at you like you just took on Lou Jitsu and won.

That is, until he sees you're bleeding.

You look at your arm and give it a good wipe.

You tell him you're totally fine and go about your way.

He's not okay.

Every 5 minutes he's asking if you're okay.

You reassure him every time.

It doesn't bother you.

You know it's just how he is. He gets that from Raph.

He keeps looking at your arm and asks if you want a bandaid.

To amuse him, you say no but you'll take a cool sticker.

Mikey smiles and pulls out a star sticker.

You smile and place it on the wound. That's gonna hurt later.

But it makes him happy and helps him feel better.

[whispering-about-loki]

Hello 😊 I saw you reblog the a "get to know your writer" post and wondered if it was ok for me to ask a few questions? If so, I'd ask 1, 7, 16, 25 and 56?

Absolutely! Let's see....

1 . Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Honestly, multi-chapter! I actually find it really, really hard to write a one-shot. I mean, I can do it, and certainly have done it... but my plots usually tend to get away from me and branch out here, there, and everywhere! The only problem is, I also don't tend to finish those multi-chapter monsters...

7 . How do you choose which POV to write from?

It depends on what story I am trying to tell. If I want some details to go unknown to a character for mystery's sake, I will write in their POV; or I will write in the POV of the person who has the most emotional stake. When I am writing a ship fic, I often try to write from both POVs (alternating from chapter to chapter) to compare and contrast how they are coping or what they are thinking. The challenge there is to get the "voices" right, though.

16 . How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Far, far too many to count! In way too many different fandoms! Of the stories I haven't posted a word on yet (as opposed to current WIPs that I have up at AO3), there's at least one Lokius AU, a couple Bagginshield angst pieces, three gen TMNT fics, and a couple of random ideas that I have yet to fix a fandom to.

25 . What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Oh, gosh. It's weird, but although I absolutely love getting comments, I don't often push for them because I don't want to seem... needy, I guess? Back in the late 90s and early naughties, it was actually a lot easier to get responses to fics. The fandoms were smaller and everyone knew everyone, so the stories would be passed between friends online... so now living in the age of kudos is actually a bit disorienting. Of course, the fics that don't get responses are usually about pretty obscure people or situations. Like Afterimage (a short Hobbit thing about Nori as a child), The Touch Of Rain (about Cobb Vanth), and When She Loved Me (an imagined backstory about a character that was only in the TMNT Adventures comics... and when I originally wrote and posted that one twenty-some years ago, it got a much better reception). I do notice that gen stories tend to get swept to the side in favor of ship-fics, though, which always seem to get some kind of response.

56 . What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Actually, what I mentioned up in #7 about finding the right voices. I think I do okay with getting into characters' heads and making them each sound individual. Again, like I said... it isn't always easy. I'm currently writing a chapter in a story... and in this chapter a character is in medical distress and we are seeing it from their POV. Problem is, two chapters ago there was a different character in medical distress whose POV I was writing from... and in both instances the characters are waking up from being treated. It's taking a bit of juggling to make sure the second one and the first one are different enough so people don't think, "hey... I've read this already!" It helps, I guess, that one of the characters is more skilled in medical concerns, so they are more calm about the whole thing while the other one was in full panic mode.

Anyway, thank you for this! It was fun!

[divinekangaroo]

Love your fics so much. How do you think Tommy would have felt having sex with Lizzie for the first time as his wife in Arrow house?

They are so complex, and I have so many questions ☺️ Thank you.

Thank you for letting me know, I appreciate it!

It's a question I've thought about. I reckon he does that fateful 'first time under that roof where Grace once lived' without any particular fanfare, maybe even slightly absent-mindedly with their familiarity, and only realises after, oh, that was the first time. It's just a thing that happens. There's no sense of Lizzie taking Grace's place, they are two totally separate people and he doesn't have a hangup about that. I just don't see him thinking of them as overlapping in any way. (Lizzie probably has slightly more of a concern moving into Arrow, but it's more class and role based than Grace-focused.)

There are those tics he has around rooms/spaces: I do think he sets up a new master bedroom that's not the room he shared with Grace, nor is it the room he slept in alone after Grace.

Over time, I think the sex gets worse; this building cynical bitterness being in that house less to do with Lizzie and more to do with himself and the world he's now moving in. To try to maintain his mental state (his PTSD is sigificant at this point in time), I see him developing an almost compulsive mode of pushing himself to do these supposedly ordinary actions, like having a wife, and fucking a wife on a dutifully regular routine no matter how he feels about it, so life goes on and he doesn't sink, but it becomes so compulsive it's kinda obvious things are not normal.

The cynical bitterness in/for the house is not only about Grace, but the loss of that ~legitimate~ future he thought he (and she) might one day have; I think the events of S3 and that whole 'they'll never let us in' crushed any possible optimism of ever actually living in that house as he thought he might one day do, and the loss of Grace is part of that but not that in its entirety. He's bringing in his full armoury, and people were murdered on his property, his current wife keeps a gun in her bedside table, and he literally killed a man himself in his lower kitchen on Christmas Eve, and had to touch his own child minutes after. This act of now bringing in a once-prostitute as a wife is almost like this, cynical frame, but of course that's what a gangster would do, of course that's what I do in this house. These acts by which he will never live up to what that house was supposed to represent.

I kinda think during the sex itself, even when it starts getting bad for him, he just feels some mindless sort of familiarity and comfort from it being Lizzie and not someone random, this at least it's Lizzie because she knows me so I don't have to try so hard, and increasingly over time, can't get himself to put any interesting energy into it because that might expose other feelings or spiral into another uncontrolled PTSD breakdown.

I have a half-thought out fic for this move into Arrow/early post-marriage period, because Tommy was Not Well during the entire build up to the marriage that I wrote, but Lizzie's POV was completely engrossed in motherhood, casting Tommy as Saviour again, and Tommy himself was masking desperately around her (and to himself as well; forcing himself onwards with this sense of 'as long as I can keep moving and doing things it'll be all right'); Lizzie missed the cues. She only realises how bad he really is when she moves in to Arrow, and part of that is what happens to their sex life.

All of which is a long arc setup for his mental state at the start of S5.

I feel like, even when he's hallucinating Grace in S5, it's not about Lizzie, it's about his own impotence and just a massive sense of dread; threat and guilt and failure combining to suggest suicide (Grace-as-siren) is the most desirable choice right now. Sometimes the Grace hallucination is triggered by threat directed at/around Lizzie (Mosley in Tommy's office and their conversation about Mosley fucking Lizzie), but that seems more triggered by Tommy's impotence again, his inability to protect his wife or act as he woudl want to, rather than specifically any relationship/overlap in his mind between Grace and Lizzie. So a lot of this has informed my take that I just don't think he is overly concerned/bothered by what it might represent by bringing Lizzie into Arrow.

I also see Lizzie as this absolutely real-world grounded figure in his life. So Tommy is this symbolic thinker and sees his dead, has visions, walks through tunnels that may or may not exist; Lizzie is not, she has zero mystery or mysticism to her, so similarly this act of having sex with her at Arrow, bringing her into the house, all of it, never becomes the complex symbolic, heavy thing that, for example, having sex with Tatiana did.

[microscotch]

I was tagged by @platinumaspiration, @venriliz & @kestrelteens!! >:) thanks for thinking of me!!

1. What’s your favourite sims death? NONE i want my sims to be well and alive!!!!! well, from a pure comedy pov i find death by exhaustion hilar if it’s the direct result of two elders getting steamy.

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? i genuinely like both, but i’ve been leaning pretty maxis match in the recent years!

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? nope.

4. Do you use move objects? ya! constantly! 

5. Favorite mod? story prog def, love that i can focus on the household(s) i like without constantly having to manually update other ones i dont like playing with!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? GLAMOUR LIFE STUFF OUT OF EVERYTHING

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? (a)LIVE on national television

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? my first ever sim bea! who was way too successful as a romance sim for the way bebe me styled her, to the point where she only had like three simultaneous marriages.

9. Have you made a simself? i sure did at i THINK 11, and i sure used face 1 for it. i even remember the exact raonjena hair i used! 👱🏻‍♀️

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? foodie, creative, vegetarian, child of the ocean, & animal enthusiast 🐶

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? ginger!

12. Favorite EA hair? dat one! 💞

13. Favorite life stage? while adults come with the widest array of just things you can do with them, i love the transition from child to teen bc ure getting the first good look at their features and a better sense of how ur sim will be acting for the rest of his life.

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? gameplay definitely.

15. Are you a CC creator? occasionally! 

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? yep i do! 👶

17. What’s your favorite game? ts2 hands down, each game comes with its own strengths, but ts2, to me, has remained the most fun to play in the long haul due to its pacing & there NEVER being a shortage of ridic events. i do like exploring the other games, tho! 

18. Do you have any sims merch? not yet! 

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? nah.

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? like mentioned above, storyprog has been a huge game changer in being able to drive a hood forward while just focusing on the households that i enjoy, thats really been the number one change.

21. What’s your Origin ID? 🧍‍♂️

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? no no no do not make me choose like that, there are far too many that i adore!! 

23. How long have you had a simblr? 4-5 years by now! time flies :o

24. How do you edit your pictures? too inconsistently to detail.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? dude ts4 is oversaturated enough w content rn, id rather prefer them to make it less of a buggy mess.

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? ALRIGHT *cracks knuckles* nightlife for ts2, world adventures for ts3 aaand pets for ts4!! 

im tagging U! 👇

[criticalrolo]

i INSTANTLY need to know more about cormorant da-ge

im sticking nie mingjue in a house by the river run by two lesbians with their younger siblings so he can make friends with some birds and be wildly overprotective of the kids to his hearts content

anyway here's what's going on to get NMJ sent to the seaside for his health like a jane austen character

JGS is making noises about how much more convenient his life would be if someone would Rid Him Of This Turbulent Sect Leader, Henry II style, and JGY has the idea to try out this cool new composition called the Song of Turmoil

Except he's never tried to kill someone with the Song of Turmoil before, and apparently those songs are powerful enough to kill people within three notes if played by a master! and this is a Modified Version that could conceivably do... Anything

So the first time he decides to try out the song. well. instead of a slow poison he's got a half-dead da-ge spitting blood on the floor 50% of the way into a qi deviation

PANIC. drag his sworn brother to the Koi Tower Basement to see if your half-baked stygian tiger amulet can do anything

the song is still in NMJ's head causing problems so he works out a plan with XY to try to just. erase the song and the memory of that afternoon. see if that does the trick

NMJ wakes up and says what the fuck. where am i. who are you

FUCK SHIT FUCK okay. we're going into crisis mode since we obviously can't send an amnesiac da-ge back to Qinghe when we were SUPPOSED to be doing medical care

Xue Yang go dump this guy in a river to get him as far away from here as possible while JGY does some DAMAGE control to make it look like NMJ left Lanling like expected and possibly disappeared on the way back home

1 terrible trip down the river later, local Yunping fisherman's cormorants find a body in the weeds. he fishes the biggest dude he's ever seen out of the water and OOPS this guy is still alive!! good thing his sister's "very good friend who shares a room with her and is raising a child with her" is the town's doctor!

Cue frantic life saving scene where eventually This Guy wakes up and tells them he doesn't remember anything about himself or his life. oh no he must have fallen off a boat somewhere and hit his head really hard :(

Doesn't even know his own name. He's pretty sure he can remember being called Da-ge by someone though

They'd feel bad if they just set this guy wandering off with literally Nothing to go on in the world. plus he can reach the top shelves in their house without having to get a chair

He can stay with them if he helps with the farm animals, learns how to fish, and helps out the family business. And even though his meridians are all fucked up he's got a little bit of cultivation ability so he can help their daughter build up her golden core. He's pretty good at this training thing!

They've got nine cormorants named after the Nine Sons of the Dragon. Baxia the cormorant is fucking obsessed with Da-ge for whatever reason

Domestic life continues with Da-ge out on a boat during the day and helping the cultivators out with developing their golden cores, training they normally wouldn't really have access to

One day the doctor says her cousin is coming to visit! she hasn't seen her since the end of the Sunshot campaign and she's excited to reconnect with her. oh look here she comes!! hi luo quinyang it's been forever since we've seen you!!

POV: you are Mianmian, you left the cultivation world a year ago and you're traveling around as a rogue cultivator now. You visit your cousin. Fucking Chifeng-Zun is in her front yard. He's been presumed dead for the last year. what the actual fuck do you do

meanwhile JGY is desperately trying to convince NHS back in Qinghe to accept that his brother is dead for his own sake <3 for his own closure so he can lead the sect in his brother's memory <3 please god stop looking into this <3

NHS: "haha yeah you're probably right sang-ge. anyway im going to go look into all of our historical records to see how i can get access to Dead People's Spirits to Find Their Bodies and maybe this will lead to me bringing my dead necromancer friend back from the dead. xoxo"

anyway eventually they reunite and it's a whole debacle. this is actually a v long way for me to make NMJ and mianmian accidental friends because I think it would be funny

[britswriting]

Devotion (23)

Devotion Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Warnings: Sexual content - I didn't make it extremely detailed, because if I do that it ends up being 2k words...

*Leighton's POV*

Walking back through our apartment door felt like a slap in the face. I expected to immediately get into pack mode and start figuring out logistics; and yet here I was, no new house to prepare for, no concrete plans to think about. I felt stuck; it was infuriating.

Christmas began approaching with no news about us possibly moving and I was starting to lose hope. We really lost our dream home, and I can't imagine how we're supposed to replace that feeling. Having to start from scratch felt like a stab in the back for all my hopes and dreams.

"Got your bag, kiddo?" I called out, Gemma walking out of the bathroom to come put on her shoes.

"Oh no!" She fretted, racing to her room.

I giggled, loving the sound of her little voice as her feet slapped against the hardwood floor. I swiped my phone and keys off the side table, Gemma coming back with her bag over her shoulders. 

She looked like she was ready to go off to school causing my heart to clench.

Gemma bent over, velcroing her shoes as I snickered to myself watching her backpack almost topple over her head.

"Mommy help!" She whined, fed up as she tossed her foot in the air towards me, the velcro straps flopping.

"Baby, set your bag on the ground, then velcro your shoes. You're a big girl, you can do it. Daddy's waiting on you, let's go" I rushed, needing to get to Gabe's in time for my midwife appointment.

Gemma talked my ear off the entire way to her father's; running up to his door and jumping to ring the bell, greeting Zara with just as much enthusiasm, happily saying goodbye to me and practically leaving me in her dust as I walked back to my car.

I was happy she was happy with her father, but it still felt weird dropping her off and not picking her up for a few days. She was growing up and it was terrifying.

Colby met up with me at my midwife appointment, ending a phone call before greeting me with a kiss, "Ready to see our baby girl?" he asked, lacing our hands together.

"I'm ready to see how much she's grown" I replied, yanking the door open, cold hair hitting me in the face.

"Ms. Fox?" A bright new smiley face beamed from the front desk.

"Can't wait for the day it's Mrs. Brock" Colby murmured to me as I began to check into our appointment, a silly smile spreading around my face as I sided eyed him before focusing back on the papers.

"Claire should be out in a minute" The woman, Becky— reads her nametag, informed. 

Colby and I sat, Colby immediately pulling out his phone to scroll through Instagram, liking posts here and there before opening his text messages.

My eyes rolled as I sighed, quietly complaining, "You know, not to be that girl, but can you get off your phone and talk to me please? This is supposed to be like an important experience for us, and I feel like you're just here because you have to be" I expressed, the nervous butterflies running rampant in my stomach.

Colby glanced at me as I spoke, his thumb clicking the off button, "I didn't know you wanted me to constantly fill the silence" 

Is he serious? 

"Yes Colby. That's my fricken problem. I can't sit in fricken silence." I groused, turning to face him, "Are you for real? Is it really a big problem for me to want your attention? You know, I recall claiming I wanted date nights and shit when we got back together and look at us now" I huffed.

Am I stupid to think he actually means it when he says he wants this? I swear we agree on one thing and do another. I don't know how else to communicate with this man then bluntly telling him what I want, or need; yet here I am, pregnant with his child and it feels like he'd rather be somewhere else completely.

"I've been busy" He tried to defend, a defeated sigh leaving my lips.

"Yep" is all I said before Claire came and got us, leading us back to the room. 

Colby stared as I went through the motions; even when my shirt was resting under my breasts as she measured my belly, just stared. No comments on the baby, on me, not voicing anything. Just his blue beady eyes staring at me like he had fully checked out and got lost in Colby land.

It wasn't until our daughter was on the screen that he made comments, things like "Look at her hand moving" and "She yawned!"  cooing over our daughter; it definitely made my ovaries think about how I could maybe keep doing this for him. We got our ultrasound photos, set up our next appointment and Colby asked, "Are we going back to the apartment and taking one vehicle to lunch?" Checking in, twirling his car keys around his finger as we walked.

"That's the plan" I replied, hopeful that this would be like a reconnecting date for us. Something I know we would gratefully benefit from. 

No phones. No work. Just us, eating lunch, talking together, enjoying eachothers company.

~

"Your burger and fries," The waitress placed a plate in front of Colby, "and your grilled cheese and tomato soup" she slid the plate and bowl in front of me. "Can I get you anything else?"

"I'm good, you?" I eyed Colby, Colby kindly dismissing the waitress. 

I dipped my grilled cheese before taking a bite, Colby swirling his straw in his soda cup, followed by a drink.

"Do you think I should just give birth in California? I mean, what is the likeness of us finding a house, moving and settling in by the time this baby is born? Especially with a home birth..." I sighed, "I really want to have a home birth, but I feel like every sign is pointing towards it being a bad idea. We literally don't have a place to do it and I'm due in April" I stressed.

With my dad's house having been sold and him temporarily moving in with Logan and Cynthia, I was feeling the pressure of figuring this whole house thing out even more.

Not only was I hitting nesting mode with no nest to prepare, but I was very aware of the calendar days ticking by. This baby had to come out at some point and we were nowhere near prepared. 

"Isn't it too late to decide to do a hospital birth?" Colby questioned, not at all making me feel any better about how short our string was getting.

"Is it ever too late? Can't you just show up to the ER in labor and say, GET OUT OF MY WAY, I'M HAVING A BABY" I whisper yelled, Colby chuckling with a head shake.

"That's exactly how Gemma went. I remember it vividly" he teased, popping a fry in his mouth.

"Oh shut up" I scoffed, snickering, taking another bite of my grilled cheese. "I can't believe I'm back in the situation of having a baby with no plan. I really thought things would be different this time. I had such high hopes for that house.. and I can't believe it slipped through our fingers just like that" I snapped my fingers, huffing.

"You have a plan." He credited, "It just isn't going to plan. Like most labor and deliveries"

My eyes rolled, "Shut up. Now is not the time for an I told you so. Am I just going to shove this baby out in our apartment bathroom? Might as well be on a public bus" I grouched.

"We'll figure it out, Leighton" He reassured, taking another bite of his burger.

"When?" I snapped, "When I'm dripping fluids and in severe pain? Because I think by then it's too late to figure it out" My eyes narrowed. 

"We can always move after she's born" Colby suggested.

"But that wasn't the plan" I whined, my face scrunched up at the idea of trying to move halfway across the country with two children.

It was a pain in the ass when Gemma was an infant, let alone to have a toddler and a newborn.

"But it's a plan" He emphasized my eyes narrowing again.

"Might as well move back in with Aunt Melissa" I huffed, dragging my spoon through the thick red liquid.

"That's also a plan. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if we were actively house hunting. Your aunt and uncle love when you're over" 

"I don't want to keep being in her hair. I'm too old to constantly run to them when shit gets rough"

"I'm just saying we have options. Or we could rent a place, but you don't like airbnb's because of your fear of secret cameras"

"It's a valid fear" I defended, sitting up straighter, feeling the pulling in my lower back.

God I can't wait to get this baby out of me.

"It might be a dice we have to roll if you want to move there before baby girl is born"

"I just hate that nothing, and I mean nothing, ever goes to plan. If it's not one thing, it's another. I don't understand why you aren't more frustrated about this?" 

Colby wiped ketchup from his mouth, licking his lips before clearing his throat, "I am frustrated that we keep having to jump through hoops, but we can't just see what's happened. We just need to figure out plan B"

"Well at this point, we're on plan Z" I grouched.

"I'm trying here Leighton, and you're shooting me down" Colby sighed, leaning back against the chair.

"I know, and I'm sorry, It's just.." I sighed, "I'm beyond frustrated with everything. It's pissing me off"

The entire drive home I scrolled through different houses in our price range, none of them marking every checkbox like the house that we lost. 

Either you had nice bedrooms and a shitty backyard, or a great backyard but it was on a busy street, and if it wasn't a busy street, it had a nice kitchen and family room, but the crime rate was too high. 

Why does nobody talk about how hard it is to find a house to raise your family in?

"We could always build" Colby reminded me, my eyes rolling.

"Colby. I'm due in four months. We're lucky if we can create a fucking floorplan by then" I grumbled, "God," I groaned, "Why couldn't this baby be coming in like.. 2 years from now or something. Something that just gives us more time"

"Leighton, I don't know what to tell you. We need to make a decision eventually, even if it's just temporary. We can always rent a place for a while and build a house or whatever"

"But nothing feels right"

"Babe, you're going to need to give an inch here. If we want to move before this kid is born, we need to have already made solid plans. So what if it isn't your dream kitchen, or beautiful master bath. It's a house that will house our beautiful children temporarily whilst we figure out our long term plan."

I knew he was right, but it didn't make it any less frustrating.

Later that night Colby rubbed the knots out of my back as I showed him different rental properties, holding my tongue about the things I disliked.

It's a house that will house our children. It needs to be safe, not perfect. 

We narrowed it down to a few, even sent two to our realtor with offers, sending us back into the agonizing waiting game.

"My body was not made for pregnancy" I groaned, the weight of this baby in my belly taking a toll on me more every single day.

"And yet you carry it beautifully" his warm lips pressed two soft kisses to my left shoulder blade.

"Don't get any bright ideas, Brock. We're done after this" I half joked, relaxing against his touch, allowing all the weight on my back to press into him.

"Are you being serious, or?" His tone was soft, yet concerned.

"I mean.. do you really think I can do this a third time?" I genuinely asked, "I know Gemma's pregnancy medical wise was worse, but this one is really making me miss when there wasn't a baby in my womb. She's killing my muscles"

"Just wait for when she's on your bladder" He half joked. 

"You put those words right back in your mouth" I playfully snapped, glaring at him, a smile tugging at my lips; only to give in fully as he kissed me.

"You know I love you, and your body, and the way you carry babies, but if you're being serious about being done....... I guess I just need to cherish this pregnancy a little bit more" He caressed my stomach, placing yet another soft kiss on my stomach.

Flashes of earlier at our midwife appointment appeared in my head, but I shoved them far far away, desperately wanting to bask in the affectionate side of Colby that I've been begging to return, then argue about whatever was going on inside of his head only a few hours prior. 

"I'm not saying I'm done for sure.. I'm just... it's hard, Colby. Carrying babies is hard — and if you tell me I carry it beautifully one more time I swear to god" I rushed, Colby's chest vibrating behind me as he chuckled. "I just don't know.. right now.. if I want to do this a third time. I'm sure if we wait a few years I'll want it again, and regret it halfway through, but don't expect me to shove six kids out of my vagina, and if I do, please.. for the love of god, shake some sense into me" I begged, giggling.

"Why would I do that if you make beautiful children?" he asked, kissing my neck.

"Colby" I groaned.. or well.. moaned.

"Hm?" he hummed against my skin, the grumble vibrating against my pulse point, earning yet another moan out of me.

"This isn't fair. I can't think straight if you're making my clit swell, greedy for attention" I huffed, feeling his hand slip between my legs and rub my covered sex, my eyes closing as my legs happily let him in.

"But I like your clit swollen, and greedy for attention. If you want me to stop, tell me to stop and it'll stop" he murmured against my skin, warm wet kissing going up and down my neck from under my jawline all the way down to my collarbone.

"Finish what you started, Brock" I groaned, my back arching off his chest as he pushed my underwear aside, tracing my folds with the tip of his finger, circling around my clit before plunging into my aching center. "Oh my god" I moaned, his finger pumping in and out of my vagina. "Another, please" I begged, or well, cried.

His fingers moved in and out of me, stretching me out before he finally messed with my clit, liquid rushing out of me before I could even process what was happening; my moans loud enough for whomever was on the other side of the wall to hear. 

"Jesus christ I've never come so suddenly" I panted, "Pregnancy is wild" 

"And beautiful—"

"Shut up Colby before I don't want your cock near me" I groaned, moving to face him.

"Look at your bump, baby" he fawned, his hands running over my stomach.

"Colby" I groaned, my hands on the front of his shoulders, shoving him more into the pillows as I straddled his thighs, his erection pressing against my aching cunt. "Can I try something?" I asked, slightly rubbing myself against him, loving the way I could feel him through our underwear.

"Go for it" he struggled out, pleasure written all over his face as his hands rested against my hips.

I began to slide up and down his cock, the head of his penis pressed firmly against his underwear, peeking out from underneath us as I moved against his length, loving the pressure it put on my clit.

Before I knew it, Colby was groaning, cum seeping through his underwear, the white mess making a puddle that seeped into my own underwear, causing me to move quicker, chasing my own orgasm only for him to carefully flip me over, pulling his cock out from his underwear and slipping it into my quivering center, pounding into me with no remorse.

"Oh my fucking god!" I moaned.

"You're so fucking wet" he grunted, my body slamming against his as our hips moved roughly against each other.

"You're covered in cum" I snickered, my nails raking down his back.

"I'm so fucking sensitive; I'm going to come again" he warned, the bed shaking beneath us before we both came undone together, breathless panting, moans and groans emerging as we separated

"We need to have sex when I'm pregnant more often" I panted, my eyes falling shut as he chuckled.

"That means you need to stop being mad at me so frequently" he smirked, my hand slapping his pec.

~

Gemma, Cynthia, Harper and I wandered around the mall Christmas shopping, reminding the toddlers that picking out Christmas wishlist gifts is not the same as buying it so we can play with it when we get home.

"So he just blew you off?" Cynthia asked, holding an upset Harper in her arms — moments ago she tried running off, ending in a lecture on safety and strangers before getting swooped up and put in air jail, Gemma toddling in front of us, hopping on the squares of the tile, trying not to step on the lines, her shoes slapping against the shiny white linoleum flooring.

"Well I reached out because of Christmas, you know? And Sam seemed like I was the last person he wanted to talk to, and then I asked Kat, because duh, and I swear it was like I had the plague or some shit. They ended up telling me they couldn't come due to going to their own families for Christmas, but it still rubbed me wrong. I swear ever since Colby and I got back together, things have been weird and it's just strange. I feel like I'm taking Colby away from his friends, but whenever I reach out, it always feels like I'm the last person they want to talk to. The only person who responds to my texts in a proper friendly manner is Stas, and even then, she's busy doing her own thing. So not only do I constantly feel like an outsider, but I can't even group people together to to meet up and spend some time together" 

"If you've put in the effort, then that's on them. You can't change the way they act towards you. It's not your fault if Colby never sees them because they decide to be offstandish with you" Cynthia shrugs, "You tried— are trying; you're doing your best. It is strange that Sam's dismissing you though. You guys were close, no?" 

"Yes" I sighed, "I'm telling you, ever since Colby and I got together, everything's been weird, and like, Colby used to put Sam on speaker when they talked, or let Gemma talk with him, but there's been so many hushed conversations and anytime he gets lost in his head, he's been conversing with Sam. I just wish one of them would talk to me; I feel like I'm losing them both. The other thing is I tried reaching out to Aaliyah again, but I still haven't heard from her. At this point I feel like I'm just pestering her" I sighed, "And it sucks, because she's my best friend.. or was my best friend, and all because of one stupid fight she's been AWOL. I can't even show up at her doorstep and confront her because I don't know where she is" I complained, "Ugh, enough about my life, how's it going with you and Logan? Is my dad an alright roommate? I swear, Colby and I are working on getting him out of your hair" I joked, Cynthia grinning.

"He's been fine. I think he's enjoyed being around Harper more. I uh.. Logan and I have been meaning to talk to you about something though." Oh god, "Logan has been thinking about doing another year of the Military. Not on active duty, but helping the guys prepare and such, but um.. Harper and I would be following him, meaning we'd be moving out of California for who knows how long. It's just, it's a full time position and I can't go x amount of days without seeing him again" Cynthia's worried expression burned into my brain as my heart rate picked up, "Especially now that we have Harper" 

"You're moving?" I questioned, Cynthia slowly nodding, before letting Harper down so the girls could go play at the tiny play spot in the mall. "I know I'm also moving.. but I just.. I don't know, there is something about finding out he's also moving that feels weird. At least it isn't active duty, right?" I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "Why hasn't he told me? I was on the phone with him last night.."

Logan and I try to call each other weekly at least and just catch up, why wouldn't he have mentioned something? How long has  he known?

"You're his best friend, Leigh. He's afraid of breaking your heart. He almost didn't take it and thought about following you back to Minnesota" Cynthia confessed.

My heart dropped, "He was?"

"Yes, but then he got this opportunity and it made good pay and such.."

"No, no.. I get it.. it's just.... where is it?"

"Fort Knox, Kentucky"

"Oh. Well that's not too far..." I drifted before looking over at her, "Wait, did he try seeing if he could go to Fort Ripley? That's not tooooo far from Aunt Melissa's"

"All the spots are full. Don't think he didn't try to stay with you. I've never seen a closer sibling bond, I swear he'd leave me in a ditch if it meant protecting you" She laughed, "And that wasn't a dig. I love that about him. I love how close you are. You both need each other, and I love that you guys have each other. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you before we both chickened out and landed in Kentucky and had to figure out a way for you to think we were still in California"

 Back at Cynthia's house, the girls and I helped carry in her bags worth of gifts, Nova greeting us at the front door, pulling on my heartstrings, especially since Gemma has been relentlessly asking for a dog, Colby and I's only defense being "The apartment doesn't allow pets" but I knew we were toast once we actually moved.

"Look at that dopey face" I cackled, cupping the rotty's face in my hands, "You're so damn cute" I cooed.

"Remember when she was a puppy? Now look at her" Cynthia laughed, handing a cup of juice to both of the greedy toddlers.

"I'd love to own a rotty, I just.. with two kids and planning to start college I can't imagine trying to puppy train until baby girl is done with her own potty training" I sighed, tossing a rope for the dog.

"Colby will be there to help. I swear you forget you guys are literally engaged. He's made a commitment to help" She laughed.

"He's always working. I can't juggle the house, two kids, working, college and a dog whilst he's gone working" 

 "But then they're home for an extended period of time, right? He'll especially be around to help with the baby" 

"Speaking of the baby. Colby wants to name her Lennon, and I think I agree with him.. just.. we can't figure out a middle name. I swear this baby is coming into this world into complete and utter chaos" 

"Lennon is a pretty name. Colby came up with that?"

"Right!? I was surprised too" my chuckle getting drowned out by laughter from the girls, both of them running through the house with some sort of light up, singing Disney wands. "No running through the house!" I yelled, "Someone's going to get hurt!" 

"Girls, why don't you go play with Nova outside?" Cynthia shooed them out, both of us moving to the kitchen to keep an eye on them.

We sat at the kitchen table, watching the girls as I explained my frustrations with everything going on.

I mean honestly, was I bringing our daughter into this world with everything being a mess? I haven't even begun to think about what her nursery would look like, or gone through the few things I had kept from Gemma.

We haven't talked about baby showers, or middle names, or if we're co-sleeping, or bottle feeding...

My mind was racing and lagging all at the same time and all I wanted to do was cry.

Gemma and I ended up staying the night since Colby was back in Vegas with Sam, it did not take much to convince us since Logan and Cynthia promised to feed us and Gemma got to have story time with her Papa.

"Do you mind if I drink some wine?" Cynthia asked, a bottle in hand.

My head shook as I scrolled through my phone.

"I missed wine when I was pregnant" Cynthia sighed, plopping down in between Logan and I, a movie ready to be played whenever we were situated, my dad and the kids having gone to bed.

"I miss Deli meat" I snickered, hugging the blanket closer to my body. "I miss sandwiches and like my roll up snacks. I swear you crave the things you can't have when you're pregnant; it's so annoying. Thankfully, Colby doesn't eat them around me, so at least he's thoughtful like that" I chuckled, opening Colby and I's text messages.

Colby 💘: Are we spending Christmas in California? My parents have been asking if I'm making my way to Arizona for the holidays seen

Shit.

Um.

Every reply I tried to send, I ended up deleting, just staring at his message.

I knew we should. It was his family after all, and I've kept him away from them enough as it is.. but Arizona? With a toddler? And me being pregnant? I'm sure all the flights are taken too..

Do you want to?

Really Leighton? Out of all the possibilities you could've sent..

Colby 💘: You don't?

Aren't the Christmas flights taken?

Colby 💘: We could drive

That's what I was afraid of. 

With a toddler? Remember last time?

Colby 💘: So no? 

Motherfucker.

I groaned, feeling Logan's eyes on me as I sent a quick reply back.

Could they come here?

"What's wrong?" Logan asked.

"Colby wants to go to his family's for Christmas. Yes I know how that sounds" I grouched, "It's just.. 13 hours in the car when you're pregnant and your toddler doesn't like to sit still? It's going to be a nightmare. Let alone the traffic of everyone else traveling for the holidays. If he wanted to go, I wish he would've mentioned it sooner so we could've looked at flights for us or them"

"Some nightmare's are worth going through if it makes your husband happy" Cynthia piped up, ignoring my glare.

"Cynthia, zip it" I spoke through clenched teeth, Logan's head cocking.

"Oh? What kind of nightmares are those?" he asked, my head falling back with a groan.

Here we go.

Before I knew it, Cynthia and Logan were "arguing" - bickering more like it, but it seemed more serious. If it was Colby and I, we'd already be yelling.. or well.. I'd be yelling, but is that really an important detail?..

"I say just suck it up and go. Especially with how guilty you feel "dragging" him to Minnesota" Cynthia shrugged, placing her wine glass in the kitchen whilst Logan took Nova on a quick nightly walk.

"But 13 hours" I whined, "And then some. That's not counting pit stops for both me and the toddler" 

"But it will make Colby happy" 

"Will it? His future wife and his daughter complaining the whole time about how hungry they are, about how much they don't wanna be in the car anymore? How shitty they're feeling? Not to mention I don't really feel like playing fake happy wife who loves her partner's family when I'm trying to just get through this pregnancy. I'm truly so fucking done of everything hurting and she's even been kind to my bladder lately"

"I still say just do it. Especially since you don't see them that often"

Easier said than done. I don't see her looking like she's about to burst at the seams.

I snuggled in the blankets on their fairly comfy couch, my father having taken over the guest bedroom, opening Colby's texts back up.

Colby 💘: Not with their back pain

What about my back pain?

Colby 💘: I can look at possible flights later.

Colby 💘: Sam and I are going to start filming again

Colby 💘: Goodnight. I love you.

Uggggggh

We can go

I'm staying at Cynthia's tonight and  we're heading to bed so goodnight I love you too. Be safe with Sam please.

That morning I woke up, immediately checking my phone only for my eyes to practically pop out of my head at my notifications.

Colby 💘: Thank you 

Sam and I just got to the hotel I'm getting home around 2pm tomorrow fyi

Landon 🙄:

How long do you boil eggs for?

I keep fucking it up. 

Finn and Xavier think I can't cook 🙄

Aaliyah ✨: Hey. I'm sorry for being MIA. Can we meet up and talk?

"Mornin' Momma! We make.. make pan..pancakes!" My darling daughter announced at an ear piercing volume.

"Gemma, inside voices" I groaned, stretching as I sat up, realizing just how badly I had to pee.

"Momma?"

"Yes honey"

"Coco didn't call" she pouted, her  arms crossed over her chest.

"What?"

"Coco didn't call. Coco always calls when bye bye"

Oh.

"I'm sorry baby. Coco was busy talking to mommy about seeing his parents. We'll make sure he pays for forgetting, okay? Where's Papa?"

"Papa with Harper" 

"Why don't you go join them whilst momma pees and then we can go eat your pancakes?" I suggested, shoving myself up off the couch.

"OKAY!" She yelled, already running off.

Kids have too much energy at all times of the day.

I opened Aaliyah's texts whilst I was peeing, my heart pounding as I replied, yet again constantly typing and deleting my message.

How do I calmly reply without making it awkward? Or like I'm overexcited? 

Where would you like to meet? 

I groaned at my reply, not only hating how "nonchalant" it felt, but also knowing that I now had to wait for a reply. 

Colby called whilst we were eating breakfast, Gemma taking over the phone call as I helped Cynthia keep eggs and pancakes off the floor — much to Nova and my backs dismay. 

Why does nobody talk about how much squats suck when you're pregnant? Cynthia ended up having to help me up a few times which was almost as equally embarrassing as it was wobbling and almost falling over.

Gemma gave Colby an earful about breaking his promise, Colby profusely apologizing, bribing Gemma with an ice cream date in exchange for an acceptance of apology, happily winning her over.

Colby had barely walked through the apartment door before he and Gemma were off on their way, abandoning me with my nerves as I got ready to meet up with Aaliyah.

I slipped on some maternity jeans, a flowy top and ran a brush through my long dark hair, pretending like I wasn't sweating buckets at just the thought of what she wants to talk about.

My fingers kept tapping the steering wheel as I drove, completely off beat to the music I put on as an attempt to distract myself. 

I refused to allow myself to sit in my own nerves any longer, slamming my car door shut and swinging the coffee shop door open, the intense coffee ground smell smacking me in the face, slightly triggering my gag reflex.

Great.

With a grimace smile, I pushed my shoulders back and scanned the shop, not seeing anyone who remotely looked like Aaliyah.

I sent a quick text before ordering a pastry and finding a seat.

I guess I was going to have to sit in my nerves after all.

 I couldn't get myself to sit still if it had to save my life. My fingers kept tapping against the table, or swiping through nonsense on my phone; the pastry quickly diminishing as I just sat here waiting. 

She reached out, out of the blue, having ignored me for months... for what? To just chit chat? That is if she didn't stand me up first.

Colby texted, informing me that they had gotten back to the apartment, texting me a photo of Gemma's speech therapy games, asking which ones she was worse at, thankfully providing me a few minutes of distraction. 

Every time the bell rang above the door, my eyes glanced up, hoping, only to be let down.

Was I seriously getting stood up? Was this her idea of a joke? A final fuck you? 

With singed hope, I checked our texts one more time, hearing yet another bell ring, only to finally be greeted by a woman who vaguely looked like my once best friend.

"Hey.. you haven't changed at all." A soft, sad voice said, my brow pulling together.

Was that a compliment or an insult?

"Aaliyah?" I questioned, watching her nod, finally taking a seat across from me. "You look... different" I stumbled, trying to keep a straight face, knowing I was failing.

Her roots were dark, showing, not that that was a problem, it just was unlike her. I don't think I've ever seen her natural hair color show this much. Her blonde hair was long, appearing tousled. She's always been skinny, but she looked skinner, her baggy shirt appearing a size or two too big, rather than huge her form like it used to.

"I uh, how are you?" She asked, my face had to look bewildered as I stared back at her in shock.

"Me? How are you?! It's been what... forever?" I expressed, sitting up straighter in the chair, my hand covering my bump so it didn't hit the table, drawing her attention to it.

"You're very pregnant." She noted, "When are you due again?" 

"April. What uh.. what have you been up to?" I asked, hating the way her shoulders fell.

"Nothing much. How are you and Colby? Still going strong?" She asked, her eyes telling me she didn't care and was just trying to be polite.

She all around lacked emotional presence. I felt like I was staring at a shell of my best friend, her eyes confirming my assumptions as the once shining gleam lacked their glimmer.

"Still engaged" I showed my left hand, wiggling my fingers, "Have you found anybody new?" I asked, Aaliyah shaking her head. "Where are you living now?"

"With a few roommates" She replied numbly.

"That's nice. Are they nice?" I asked, trying to brighten the mood a little bit; failing.

"It's fine" 

"All girls?" I asked, Aaliyah nodding.

"That's nice. Where do you work then?"

She was quiet, chewing her lower lip, finally replying, "With my roomates"

"Oh. Interesting. What do you guys do? Is it like.. work pays for it or whatever? Or did you guys start a business together? Did you meet at work?" I tried to engage with her, wanting so desperately to be back in her life, but it felt like pulling teeth to get even an inch of slack from her.

"No I um.. well.. uh.. what are you doing for work?" She quickly changed the subject.

"Oh. I've been working in sales in a clothing and shoe store. Nicer pay, easier whilst pregnant, but uh, Colby and I were talking about moving, so I might put in my notice soon. Plus with the baby coming soon. A lot's been going on. Have you tried talking to River since you guys broke up? Any idea how he's doing?" I asked, fishing for anything to work with.

Her head shook.

"How's Gemma?" She switched again, a smile broadening on my face at the name of my daughter.

"She's good!" I grinned, "She's four now. Taller. Speaks more. Drives me nuts sometimes" I giggled, "She's indifferent about being a big sister. Some days she's excited, other days not so much"

"I'm sure she's forgotten about me" Aaliyah sighs, slouching back in the chair.

My head shook, "How could she forget her Lay Lay?" I tossed a sympathetic smile. "You're her godmother Aaliyah. She'll always remember you"

"Have you thought about who will be the godparent of this kid?" She questioned, surprising me. 

"Haven't discussed it too much. I thought about asking Landon, or Sam. I don't know what Colby wants" 

Aaliyah nodded, glancing around the place.

I sighed, "Why did you finally reach out, Aaliyah? I've tried for months. I hated how I treated you when we argued. I've wanted to apologize for ages, and you've just gone mute on me"

"Well.. I didn't have a phone for a while. I finally earned money to get another one" She showed me an older model IPhone. "I uh.. honestly? I wasn't in a good place to rehash everything with you. I needed to figure things out"

"And have you?" I asked, Aaliyah's head shaking.

"No, which is why I finally wanted to meet up with you. I.." she trailed off, "I just wanted to see how you are. If you're okay. How things have been. How Gemma is. How the pregnancy is going. Wanted to check in on someone who was once my best friend"

Ouch.

"Once was?" I whispered, my eyes starting to get glassy.

Was my best friend breaking up with me? Is that even a thing?

"I'm not good for you Leighton. You're thriving" that was a stretch, "and I just.. I just wanted to see it for myself. You have a future husband, children, an entire life ready for you. You know I'll always be there for you, but..." But? I felt warm tears start to fall down my face, Aaliyah looking away. "You're so much better off without me. Without me meddling. I just.. I think you've grown so much without me, and it's a good thing. It's a good thing that you've made so much progress in your own life. Just the way your face lights up when you talk about your daughter tells me that much" Her own tears fell, "I just wanted to make sure you were happy. That you were okay. You're still sober, right?" She asked, my head nodding. "See?" her voice cracked, "You're good without me, and I think it needs to stay that way"

I so desperately wanted to tell her just how wrong she was. How my life was still a mess, and how I was nowhere near ready to plan a wedding, or have a baby, but I couldn't help but focus on how it felt like she used me. She got me here with wishful thinking, knowing she had ill intentions. Who does that? Who reaches out, talks about reconnecting after months of no contact, only to practically break up with you? 

"So that's what this was?" I sniffled, wiping at my face, "You met up with me, just to tell me you didn't want to be my friend anymore?" 

"It's not that I don't want to. It's that I can't" She replied, adding salt to the wound.

"You can't? What does that even mean! I've tried so hard, Aaliyah! I know you think I'm selfish, and maybe I am, but I've tried too hard to reach out. To talk to you. To be there for you, and you just.. you can't be my friend anymore?" 

"It's not safe for you to reach out, Leigh. You have an entire life going for you. We'll always have our memories, but... I needed to tell you in person that I can't do this anymore. Okay?"

Not safe?! What does that even mean! 

"No! Not okay! What the hell, Aaliyah! You're scaring me. What's going on? What's wrong?"

"Leighton. Please" She quietly begged, my head shaking rapidly.

"No. I refuse to give up on you. You have no valid reason to not be my friend. I can respect your boundaries, but nothing about this feels right! Tell me what's going on, please" I begged.

If she wanted to cut ties, fine. If she no longer wanted to be connected to me, I could deal with that... but this... it felt like she had a gun to her head and needed to say what she needed to say to get out alive; it just didn't sit well with me.

"You're better off without me—" She tried again.

"Bullshit!" I interrupted, "All I've wanted is to be your friend. To be there for you. I don't care if that's you at your worst, or your best. If this is your worst, just tell me. Tell me how I can help. Is it your living situation? Do you need somewhere to stay? Because I have options Aaliyah. I have family more than willing to open their doors to you. I have a toddler at home who would love to see you. You can't just walk away for no reason. You've been there for me way more than I have for you, and when I finally get the chance to repay you just.. you what.. cut the goddamn cord? No." My head shook, my lips pursed as I refused whatever insane thing was going on right now. "What do you need from me? How can I help you? Clearly something is going on" I begged, hating how I was getting shoved away without a chance to fight for us. 

I could tell she had made up her mind, I just wish I knew why.

Was it really all because of that stupid fight? or was it something more?

"You can't help me, Leighton"

"That's not true—" I interrupted, only for Aaliyah to interrupt me.

"I'm happy you're happy, Leighton. Truly. If anyone deserves it, it's you" She smiled softly, her hand reaching across the table for me, her touch burning with bittersweet memories.

The tears were flowing freely, my brain trying to catch up with what was going on right now, failing miserably.

"If I need you, I'll call you. Okay? Just.. let me do this. Please" She begged, my head nodding before I could stop it.

"I love you. Okay? Whatever you need. Just tell me" I begged her to promise, Aaliyah bending to hug me, whispering back that she loved me, and that she was happy for me, before walking away; right out of my life.

What the hell just happened?

I walked through my apartment door in shambles marching past Colby who was sat on the couch, laptop resting on his thighs, shutting our bedroom door behind me, undressing.

I felt dirty. Like my crystal clear lake was now a murky pond.

The entire drive home I tried to understand what I had done. Relaying every text I sent, every conversation we've had. How it got to this point. I simply didn't understand and I don't think I ever will.

All I know is I lost my best friend. The person who's been there for me through thick and thin... and the second she needed me like I needed her, she cut the tie.

I lost her before I could even try to fight for her and I had no clue what to do.

* * * *  This chapters been "done" since January. I just wasn't happy with it and got writers block cus I didn't know how to fix it... and well.. now it's March uh..

If this book was a jenga tower, it's about to tumble 👀

Written on: December 21st 2023, January 4th, 7th, 8th, 10th, 14th, 22nd, March 6th 2024

Published: March 6th 2024

Word Count: 7210

Part Twenty Four

[ilikereadingactually]

The City in the Middle of the Night

The City in the Middle of the Night by Charlie Jane Anders

it's been quite a while since i actually carried a physical book around with me so much that it got this banged up! but once i started this one i didn't want to stop, so it went to the beach with me, got banged around in my bag and my hands across several modes of public transit (it's HARD to get to LBI without a car!!), and then got rained on when the sky opened up and we had not brought a beach umbrella. but! i finally finished it, once it was dry and i had time again after reading workshop manuscripts. and what a world to come back to, after flexing my brain muscles very hard for a week!

such WORLDBUILDING in this book!! it's truly astonishing, and probably my favorite aspect. every location on this alien post-generation-ship planet where humans have settled feels entirely lived in, whether it's ancient or it's only been a few generations. humans are hanging on by a thread, straddling the thin line of habitable space between eternal, searing daylight and eternal frozen dark, in ways that just feel so accurate to us as a species. they're erasing their own cultures in favor of assimilation, or they're reclaiming those cultures again, or they're partying all night, or they're living under an unbreakable tight schedule. students and pirates, scavengers and poverty and extreme wealth, melting pots and salad bowls of Earth cultures arranged in drastically new ways of life. it's so fascinating, and then there are also WICKED COOL ALIENS. aliens who communicate with psychic tentacles and share every memory! who build underground cities and don't have any need for individual names!! (this is a thing i have loved since being obsessed with Gargoyles as a child, i have a feeling it's come up in a review before.)

and leading us through this intensely wild and deep world are alternating POV protagonists Sophie—a shy scholarship student whose life changes forever when she takes the blame for something her crush Bianca did—and Mouth, a scrappy smuggler who's lost everything and keeps trying to find her way. i loved them both and was infuriated by them simultaneously, sucked in by all their lovely human flaws and foibles, Sophie's tenderness and her inability to see through Bianca over and over again, Mouth's stubbornness and singlemindedness even when she came around to better paths. there was so much going on here, and so much more i would love to know about how this world has progressed after the end of the book!! (but i do love a story that doesn't tie everything up neatly, and leaves the world and the reader with hope for the work yet to be done.)

the deets

how i read it: as i said above, a physical copy this time! it's been sitting on my tbr shelf for a while, i'm glad i finally got to it.

try this if you: dig really thought-out alien worlds and cultures and politics, love when people who feel like outsiders find their communities and callings, or like to yell out loud about intrigue and people frequently behaving foolishly for good reasons.

some bits i really liked: Sophie being extremely relatable

Every so often, Bianca puts on a dress made of iridescent petals, or violet satin, and disappears, along with a few others from our dorm. There's always some party, or banquet, that she needs to go to, to nurture her status among the city's elite. She stands in the doorway, the silhouette of an upward-pointing knife, and smiles back at me. "I'll be back before you know."

___

Every time I think I know what's wrong with me, I find something else.

___

Bianca asked if I trusted her, and I said yes, and I meant it. This thing with Dash is just part of whatever she's planning, and she's in control of the whole situation. I look at the taut line of her pale neck and exposed back, as she leans toward Dash, and I choose to see a harpoon gun, aimed and cocked.

[tadpolesonalgae]

as always cbmthy is so good and i'm so happy reader finally had some good moments with bas and that azriel was finally not being a complete dick. i just need her to keep her toes straight in her shoes now like girl he just smiled please breathe. this is worse to read knowing he can tell all her reactions to him. but i actually like bas, he seems good for her but im scared he might have ulterior motives, az not liking him could be just jealousy or whatever makes him always assume reader is doing something wrong but it could also be his spymaster senses tingling so idk

i didnt expect her to tell azriel about her powers like this honestly but i wish he didn't go full spymaster mode when he heard, he could have at least told "that's cool" or something. and he needs to stop talking to her like a child, boy you had your fingers inside her a month ago please stop. also reading the whole book through just to make sure is wayy too far, i wonder if the ic know he's treating her like this, even rhys would probably think it's too far. but her telling her him about her very important powers and her brain was just going "dick dick dick dick" was so funny. like i kinda get it, being locked in a room with azriel sounds amazing but i still need her to get it together (ik she has a massive praise kink though, good for her me too). im intrigued to see what will happen after the fortnight passes. will she figure something out or tell them or will azriel end up telling them? what if az tells them before the fortnight passes? i'll stab him with truth teller actually.

azriel not even knowing she liked science or that the orrery was hers is such a bitter reminder that he does not give a fuck about her, like his shadows have to have told him something. he gets on my nerves but i think we did see regular az a bit more in this chapter and that gives me hope. especially when he laughed when she said she slapped eris, that's my az but then she kinda ruined it by staring (and im kind of with az on this one because as much as i dont want him to be an asshole to her, every time he's nice she goes crazy and ik that's uncomfortable from personal experience)

also the book at the end is eris isn't it? im excited to see what they get up to, it's also very funny that azriel went through all that trouble and eris still got to her. and now she's not going to tell him about it because he's an asshole, that's what you get 🤷‍♀️

- 🧶

‘i just need her to keep her toes straight in her shoes’

I’d never heard of that before and it threw me for a loop 😭 (good phrase though)

Reader’s strings are gradually fraying and Bas is that last knot keeping her happy 😭

Maybe he’ll have a slightly more prominent role now that things are kind of taking a dip at the HoW and she needs a few more reasons to keep going 🫠

She has a little bit of a habit for understating things. Like, “you’re the only one I’ve ever been interested in, so”—she can hardly breathe when she’s around him🧡💛

Yeah, I also wonder what’s going to happen in a fortnight, because I have 🤭 no idea 🤭

To give credit to Az, Reader really isn’t particularly open about her interests :/

Cassian’s gotten a hint (hence the necklace) but Elain’s the only one out of everyone who actually knows that she enjoys those sorts of books (and Bas, of course😌)

‘but then she kinda ruined it by staring’

I like that you pick up on that; obviously so far we’ve only gotten it from reader’s pov so naturally some things are slightly warped depending on how she sees them?

‘im excited to see what they get up to’

I wonder 🤭🍁🌌

[newty]

dion fic chapter 1 meta thoughts!!!!!!!!!

i made that meme a few days ago and didnt realize until a few hrs later that the Me penguin was chewing on the other's right arm and then i completely lost it. taking away dions arm feels good/feels right/feels like actualizing his sacrifice with physical, mental, & social consequences that will reshape the way he lives in the new world entirely. there's no past to return to, babey, and he cant accept that yet!

it was a bit odd to actually have him Cry and be Very Vulnerable when he seems to prefer taking careful shots at the things that distress him + occasionally just yell at those things. watching him just completely check out when the hideaway discusses twinside getting wiped out was like. wow i am experiencing a suffering unlike any other. this man is going to to completely lose control of what he thought was himself but in a totally different way than the first time. i think his brain chemistry got ratshaked and thats part of the :) i cant wait to die:) convo w the bros. its also part of why i made him cry. his identity and his control of that identity have changed.

now that kihel isnt on her own in complete survival mode maturity, i wanted to let her act more like a kid. i think she's around 12 (even if dion pings her around 9). it was a lot of fun to give her and terence a comfortable rapport. kids can unlock different attitudes in ppl, so i felt like letting terence be so casual with her was a great way to get him to stretch his legs beyond the Hyper Formality he has to upkeep as a high ranking military officer and servant. i dont doubt, like any person, that he was casual with others in the past, but our limited time w him gave us only one answer abt his personality.

in order not to seize up and feel stuck in the repetitiveness of keeping him only The Loyal Servant Who Speaks Out A Couple Times, i tried my best to think of him as a character that i could give opinions to. letting those opinions take a sharp contrast to dion's was a little scary to do--i think they were scary for him to express as well--but ultimately i really like the scaffold it gives me in the future. apocalypse survival w a random child while all the things you swore to do get forsaken or done by others is Uh, humiliating for a dude w a firm identity & pride in 'service.' im excited for terence pov tbh.

i also enjoyed giving terence a couple shared histories w kihel and dion! it was hard for me to just be like. this is my wheelhouse now and referencing a past that never existed in the game is My Right for the Sake Of Narrative. terence says dion once told him that words stop being useful after a while--an outlook necessary to validate warfare--and i can see it being smth that they had to fall back on to not completely fall to the dissonance of valuing life while just killing for a job.

which anyway square i wanted More ridiculous religion/evil empire/god thinks its rad that we specifically are killing his other children as opposed to them killing us. the nonsense w the cardinals not knowing they were an empire made me a little crazy. greagor seems to exist more as a word to invoke and a flavor in the backseat, so im uh. letting her be relevant. bc i think these boys should have as much propaganda ingrained in their heads as possible. we love flawed justification in this house.

and i figure the dragoons are no more bc dion said he only had a handful of them at ran'dellah. akashic dont leave bodies either, so the pyre terence ordered would have to be for dhalmeks and drgs, making even less of them. i wanted his claim to the throne to be as untenable as possible tbh. he lacks the trust + respect of probably a lot of people bc mad prince, plus hes gonna lose more respect once the ableism starts to kick in. hes depressed and traumatized and fatigued. he has smth like a middle school education (sorry harpocrares). he has no cash on hand. bahamut is gone. aaaaand no more private army! figure it out on ur own, dion.

also im bummed that w no more blessing of light, drgs prob cant jump anymore (i guess??). im absolutely feral over the ideal of terence doing the drg stabby jumpy broody n now he Cant so ty to all the others who fulfill that niche for me. maybe i can 👀 do a flashback.

[iamhereinthebg]

What do you think of Teru? Do you like him? Do you hate him?

I LOVE Teru :DDD he is so funny and a really touching character

best joke in the whole manga fight me on this

/SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA UNTIL CHAP 92 BE CAREFUL\

I know a lot of people don't like him because of what he did to Hanako but I think what he does just makes sense according to his character.(and I mean Hanako deserved it lol)

Thanks to the chapters post severance we can clearly know that Teru is an exorcist, and that's all. He wasn't considered as a child by others even when he was a kid but just as a promising exorcist of a powerful family. And I really like how childish he can be. I think that's a very strong part of his character, he personally makes me sad af on this point.

(going into crying mode) I treasure Akane and Teru's friendship A LOT but that's for another day

He is too harsh on supernaturals but as most of the characters he is extreme for his goals and he clearly has history with them. Even if it is said that he is too harsh (from Kou's POV), maybe we will have an explanation on why, but maybe we won’t because we kinda can guess. I would hate them too if my whole life was ‘taken’ because I had to exorcize them ahah. That’s also what he has always been told to do, and what he grew up doing. 



Teru is one of the characters I would call “”mysterious”” (as a lot of them but shhht). His goal is not clear and everything he mentions is said in a way we don’t clearly understand what he means. He knows a lot of things he doesn't mention to even his allies.

He has a huge role in Kou’s character development since the beginning of the manga. Since he was at first, the model to follow, and after the figure of authority to go against. (and since I love Kou of course I am interested in Teru too ahah) 

Teru is a caring older brother. A character always has some kind of weakness and Teru’s is definitely his younger siblings and I love this so much. The Minamoto family is super cute and you can clearly see how much they care for each other. And it is kinda implied that they are often alone. The fact that both Minamoto brothers envy the other too is ugh I love them sm.We don’t need that much to know that Teru is really lonely, and doesn’t really want this life and would have preferred to live a normal life. He just wanna protect Kou from the exorcist life even if the way he talked to him in chapter 87 wasn’t the greatest (like come on, tell him to stay in the kitchen wtf? x’)), I think it was necessary because Kou has a hero complex and someone has to tell him.

 And Kou needed to tell him too what he thinks about Teru leaving him behind at home. Teru cares a lot for Kou. He is just jealous because he would have loved to have a more normal life, as Kou is jealous of Teru’s ‘perfection’ and praise he gets for being a great exorcist. (idk what we can guess of Minamoto dad but oh boy if he was an asshle to Kou and Teru I am gonna fight him with my bare hands). I just love them a lot and I really really hope they will be able to talk again so they can understand each other’s point of view and struggles. (that’s the plot relating to Teru I am the most invested in, with the ones with the Minamotos being related to number 6 and Minamoto grandma)

I think Teru is seen as a villain for a lot of people because we are following the story from Nene and Kou’s POV who know that supernaturals can be more than just evil. But we can understand from his point of view with how Hanako and number 6 acted in the last chapters that he is right on a lot of points.

Teru always thinks before acting and clearly doesn’t like when he doesn’t have the upper hand, he knows way more than all the other human characters. I also like the fact that he is the same as Aoi on a lot of points.  He also doesn’t really like telling his full plan to the others so he can have full control over some things (and he is right to do so apparently because since he told Kou about his plan to exorcize Hanako, Kou went against him. You know telling more people just gives more chances of people contradicting you and it adds too many variables in the equation and Teru doesn’t want that.)

I like to think that’s also because he just wants to protect everyone younger than him, because he knows what being involved with supernaturals is and he doesn't want anyone else to go through this. Teru is used to deal with everything alone (Hanako parallels once again here we are) and wants everything to go according to HIS plan. And he doesn't want anyone else to go against it. I really like the fact that he is serious for once when he sees that Kou is trying to stop him and they had this confrontation, because of all the people going against him he didn’t expect it to be Kou, he is weak for his younger siblings. 

The only thing where I am ??? with him is the plot with his ‘crush’ because I don’t see the point at all ahah It is kinda useless from my POV and I would have love him if he didn’t care at all about romance and just wants to do stupid stuff as any adolescents but that’s my opinion on it ^^ (I would always prefer stuff without romance, even more when I think this one (if he likes Aoi or Akane) is just to add useless angst in my opinion. I kinda hope he is just messing with Akane but with chapter 79 Idk ahah)

And I don’t want him to die at all ahahaha

Let him live AidaIro.

Even if hey, do you know why it would be fun to kill Teru? :DD Because he never got the chance to live. goodbye

Here we go :D I don’t really know where I was going with this but here it is XD I love Teru he is also really funny! Thanks a lot for the ask and sorry for the long post again dhsjds

I probably forgot tons of stuff too and repeat a lot too dhsjd

[luv-minkookie]

Love Jikook <3

This whole post is for Goldy from NightswithKookmin! 

Hi! I just found your blog and had to reactivate my account just to send you this message. I love you so much! I am a new Army, I listen to their music for years but didn't really spend time to look them up or learn ab them at all. I thought I grew out of my fangirl phase already since 2010 after the breakup of TVXQ. Then I went to their PTD concert in LA and the rest is history. After watching their clips, I feel like my fangirl heart was healing, I went through so much heartache after TVXQ breakup, I still supported them after that but it just wasn’t the same. BTS’s bond is what makes me an Army but Jimin is the one that makes me become obsessed. Jimin is just so full of love and even though it might be just his idol persona, he must be a very loving person when the members said they went to him when they were down. When I look at his smile, my day just become better. Naturally, after watching a lot of their clips (all on tiktok btw), I saw those shippers videos. The first couple I saw was VMin and I love their friendship and bond as it reminded me of how it was with my best friend when we were much younger. Then I saw Jikook! My world is not the same after that I swear. I’m in my 30s, married and had my fair share of love experience, but I still melt watching Jikook. My fangirl mode is fully activated and I feel like I’m a teenager again lol. I am not a newbie to Kpop and shipping culture, so when I saw VMin, I love it but didn’t fall in love with the couple. But Jikook, I’m in love! What sold it for me is the way he looks at Jimin. When I look at just Jimin, I get confused because he’s so loving and caring to everyone. But when I look at Jungkook, his eyes are sparkling when he looks at Jimin. I watched so many tiktok videos and it started to get repeated, then I went on Youtube, ran out of things to watch so I google Jikook to find blogs or forum, I found your blog and I have stayed up 2 nights in a row to read them (only until Jan 2021 right now). I’m not an observant person and not good with words but when I read your pov, it open up my mind and I felt like you could read my soul. I have never seen an analysis put aside all the skinship and just look at them at the core, so raw and real and I just can’t stop reading. Skinship really does clouds people’s eyes and once you look past that, I see all the things you said and in love even more with them. I am bi and I was not brave enough to ever be with a girl, with my parents being so strict and the environment I grew up in. I was always that good child that my parents never have to worry about. But now, my sis is dating a girl even though she was straight until she met that person. I support her and her relationship but we have agreed not to ever let my parents find out. They are in their 60s and I don’t think they could handle it well. It’s a good thing we live in different countries but I still get stressed for her when I think about the future. Imagine the immense pressure Jikook is under, they are not only living in a homophobic country, they are idols. And idols are heavily scrutinized, it wouldn’t be as bad if they are soloist, actors, or in any other field besides being an idol. After watching your pov, I can see a clearer picture now and I understand why you are an alt shipper. Tbh I had no idea about that term btw, before that I guess I would be considered a conventional shipper, as in I ship Jimin with everyone and I just want to see him happy regardless of whom he is with even though Jikook is my soft spot. Now, I have fallen down the rabbit hole that is Jikook and I will happily stay here until proven otherwise. Thank you so much and please keep the posts coming! Borahae!