#being back on campus made me so depressed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunnys-kisses · 21 days ago

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hiii could i pls get hocus pocus rolls, pumpkin patch brownies and a dead velvet cake with a side of doctor pepper, white claw, pepsi zero and a gummy bear cocktail served by lando?? love ur fics!!

halloween bakery - bakery menu

the halloween menu is available until nov 2nd! so get those orders in during the meantime! thank you to everyone who has submitted, i'm trying to get them done in a timely manner! writing these prompts has allowed me to help manage some of my seasonal depression & chronic pains.

hocus pocus rolls: "next year you're wearing something that covers more." + pumpkin patch brownies: "you should've worn something a little thicker. you're going to catch a cold." + dead velvet cake: "we can't fuck right now. we have to hand out candy!" + doctor pepper: university au + white claw: slutty costumes + pepsi zero: rough sex + gummy bear cocktail: possessive behavior served by lando norris (formula one)!!

tags: smut/pwp, university au, slutty costumes, possessive behavior, rough sex, football (soccer) player!lando, protected sex, missionary style

"it's so cold tonight!" you yelped as you walked with your boyfriend to the house that he lived in with the rest of the football team. even though you were wearing a light jacket, the wind cut through it.

lando had a possessive hand on your lower back as the two of you walked across campus as the sun went down. he pulled at the back of the jacket a little and said, "you should've worn something a little thicker. you're going to catch a cold."

"well, they said it was going to be plus ten, so i thought this would be enough!"

lando remarked, "i think it would've been fine if you didn't wear such a thin costume." he gave your ass a quick squeeze, feeling the cheap material of the outfit under his palm.

lando knew the costume was slutty. how could he not? the jacket you wore couldn't cover up just how much that costume revealed. you were dressed as a cheerleader this year, and while that was a fantasy for lando. he would've preferred if the outfit wasn't being pranced around the house.

he was on the couch during the party. he was dressed in his football uniform and that was his 'costume' with his windbreaker jacket over it. he eyed you up and down as you chatted and drank. you looked cute. adorable even. your charm pulled people in.

there was a knock on the door and you went to answer it. your heels clicked against the hardwood floor but was drowned out by the loud music. lando got up from the couch and was close behind you. when you opened the door to hand out candy to those not invited to the party. he wrapped you up in his jacket.

"lando!" you yelped as the mini chocolate bars fell out of your hand

"next year you're wearing something that covers more." he then pulled you away from the door which caused you to flail as the candy fell from your hands, "you look too good, babe. i think that's enough for their eyes." he said as he hauled you upstairs.

you swore you heard lando's teammate, oscar, laugh over the thump of the music. you whined, "we can't fuck right now. we have to hand out candy!"

when lando got you to the bedrooms upstairs, he wrapped his strong arms around you, "someone else can do it. let the captain or someone else. i don't care. i just need you right now." he said. it was hard to hide an erection in those shorts.

lando's room was nice, but you had little time to admire the photos of you he had pinned to the wall before you were on the bed. you bounced on it as you fell on top of it. your breasts bounced and it only made lando more hungry for you.

"there's my little cheerleader." he said as he cupped his cock in his shorts, "you come to every game with my number across your pretty tits. you wear my last name like its yours." he chuckled before he pulled the jersey top off, "you hoping for a ring after graduation."

you blushed and wanted to push him away, but he pulled you in closer. you giggled when he kissed you, "i think you're buying ring before i can even think about it." you reached down and touched his cock in his shorts before they were pulled off and sent to the ground.

he chuckled before his lips touched your neck, "well, when you're my wife. this little outfit will be for my eyes only. i don't need all of the school to have their eyes on you. hungry like animals." you moaned when his kisses continued.

lando knew how to make you feel good, the kind of toe curling feeling that made it very easy for him to get you out of your costume. at least he didn't tear the thing off of you! his kisses continued as his clothed cock brushed against you. you knew he was painfully erect.

"my angel." he said, "prettiest girl on campus. fuck, you drive me crazy." he groaned a little bit when he eventually got his briefs off and let him rubbed his achy cock against you, "you have no idea how crazy you drive me."

you moaned, "please, lando."

you knew what everyone adored your boyfriend, he was great at what he did on the field and in the classroom. but he only had eyes for you, he yearned for you as his hands trailed up your sides. you were both naked on his bed, not the first time that had happened. but every time you were intimate with your boyfriend it felt special.

"i want you, i want you to badly." he got you onto your back and hiked your hips up against him where you wrapped your legs around his waist. he leaned forward and grabbed a condom from nightstand. you two had to play it safe, you were both still in school.

you replied, "i love you."

"i love you too, fuck, you look too perfect in the costume. i didn't know something could fit you so well." he chuckled as he leaned back a little to get the condom on.

you felt anticipation run through you as you laid out under him. you admired him. his toned body and bright smile. you could make out the pink in his cheeks from the immense pleasure between you two. to be fucking in the quietness of his bedroom while there was a party outside.

"i don't want you to have anyone else." he said as he gave his cock a few strokes to make sure the condom was on there securely. he then loomed over you with his hands at your hips as he sank his cock into you. your toes curled and your back arched at the feeling of him.

you held onto the covers under you, the same covers that you picked out for him. the soft blue that went with the minimal decor of his bedroom.

lando loved you and respected opinions you had, even if it was something simple like a nice bed spread. because at the end of the day, he still got to fuck you against the covers. the bed squeaked a little bit and lando realized that he had to slow his pace down. but where he lacked in speed, he made up in strength. and he roughly fucked you, slowly, making you feel every inch of him as he buried over seven inches inside of your achy cunt.

he needed you just as much as you needed him. he felt like a winner when he played with you in the stands. you watched him put his all into football and you loved him dearly. he never though he'd get that with anyone else. so that was why he was so possessive at times. he didn't want to lose you, you were everything to him.

and you dressed as a slutty cheerleader wasn't soothing the growl in lando's soul as he rutted against you. you were just so beautiful and the words hung on his tongue, but he couldn't say the words as the feeling of pleasure rushed through his body.

"such a pretty girl." he said as he rocked against you. he loved the feeling of your legs around his waist, he thrusted up into you and you felt amazing.

the pace was rough enough that it made the curl of pleasure bloom in your gut. you knew only lando could make you feel this good, make your core throb with want as he fucked you. your noises got a little louder but lando leaned in to kiss you on the lips.

no need to cause a scene at the party tonight. but, lando knew that at the very least oscar knew what you two were up to. you moaned against the kiss and wrapped your arms around him as he worked your body further. you shifted under his grip on you which only spurred him on further to make a mess of your pretty pussy.

"you look so good under me." he said, "no other guy can have you like this. only me." he chuckled a little, his voice tight from the pleasure as he worked his hips against you. you groaned a little louder as you clung to him, "part of me wants them to know, to all know exactly how you make me feel.

his words curled something in you and you felt the jump of lust inside of you. the pleasure coursed through you as the two of you fucked on the bed. your costumes were left discarded to be picked up in the morning. if you left the room before the party was over, you'd be wearing lando's clothes. not that slutty costume.

"please, lando." you whined as the pleasure worked through you. you knew from the first time he made you cum with his fingers and tongue alone that you'd be in for a world of pleasure with your boyfriend by your side.

"i always make you feel good, babe." he said with tenderness in his voice. he continued to fuck you, he grabbed your hips once more and hiked them up further to get a better angle of your sweet cunt.

the pace staggered, and the pace quickened despite the noise. it didn't help that the two of you were getting louder as you approached your climax. he whispered filthy nothings into your ear, about how hot you looked and how good he wanted to make you feel. it allowed the heat to bloom in your core as you felt orgasm wash over you.

you whined and arched you back, before you could get too loud, your ever loving boyfriend kissed you on the lips tightly. he continued to move against you, heavy, rough strokes that left you feeling on cloud nine. he came soon after with a heavy stroke and you both felt amazing.

"shit, babe."

you both laid out on the bed while the thump of the music downstairs reverberated through the bedroom. you both laid in each other's grasp and softly kissed. lando had gotten rid of the condom already and you two just laid under the covers together.

eventually you heard a knock on the door and oscar's voice, "hey, mate. party's wrapping up, i know you're busy with your girlfriend, but we need all the man power can get to get everyone out."

lando looked at you and kissed you on the cheek before he got out of bed to get dressed. before he left the room he said to you, "stay here, and don't put that costume on unless you want to limp back to your dorm tomorrow." and gave you a wink <3

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thebubblemaster · 2 years ago

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#i need to like vent somewhere and this is as good a place as any bc tumblr hides long tags so pple can just scross past but #having chronic fatigue is so frustrating because im either asleep or exhausted and basic tasks feel impossible #during a fatigue spell i just cant function and i lose track of the time and the day and the world feels like it just moves around me #i have to save the little energy i have for feeding myself and maintaining my hygiene so sometimes i just lay in bed half asleep #i can either scroll through my phone or watch a video or something else that requires little movement or thought #bc if im not i might cry from how frustrated i am and how heavy my body feels and how sluggish my brain is and how slow my words are #and i just #comparing the really bad days to the really good ones brings a lot of melancholy bc the difference is so stark #on my best days i wake up early and clean my room and work out and get my hw done and go to every class and walk on campus #ill keep up with my laundry and dishes and ill go out with my roommates or meet with a friend or make it through a work shift #these are all such ordinary things that i take for granted when im well that i wish i could do at least one of when im unwell #i used to think it was laziness or stress or lack of sleep #i used to push myself to the point of feeling faint and get mad at myself for not being able to handle everyday life #i used to have breakdowns over my inability to function and have my parents list off all the things i was doing wrong that made me tired #i asked my mom if maybe i should go to the doctor and get some tests and she would tell me that theres no magical cure #that if my tests came back with nothing wrong then what would i do #even now knowing im developing a thyroid issue i find myself angry that there are days i cant do anything because of my fatigue #i would give anything to be functional even 80% of the time #ive never known what its like to not be slightly tired and unfocused and uncomfortable #its depressing

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tthoughtdaughter · 8 months ago

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bad habits.

pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.

summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.

warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!

a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!

———————

you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.

it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.

your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.

you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”

you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.

“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.

mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.

“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.

“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.

“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.

“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.

you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.

the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.

“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.

“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.

isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.

the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.

quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.

“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.

“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.

“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.

“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.

her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’

sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”

you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.

———————

a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.

“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.

“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.

“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.

you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.

“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.

“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.

“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.

it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.

you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.

“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.

the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.

you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.

everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.

mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.

now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.

———————

it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.

you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.

she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.

“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.

“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.

“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.

“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,

“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.

“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.

she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.

“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.

“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.

you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.

ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.

she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.

a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.

you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.

she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.

“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..

she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.

the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.

the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.

you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.

“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.

you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.

“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.

she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.

you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.

“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.

“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.

“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.

“what was that?” she smirked.

you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.

she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”

you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.

finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.

she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.

she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.

“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.

then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.

you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.

“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.

a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.

she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.

she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.

you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.

she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.

“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.

her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?

she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.

the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.

she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.

her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.

your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.

“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.

you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.

she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.

“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.

you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,

she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.

you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.

‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’

you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.

———————

a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.

#lesbian #ellie williams #ellie x reader #lgbtqia #i need ellie bro #wlw #bad habits #ellie williams tlou #ellie tlou #ellie is so hot #ellie x fem reader #ellie smut

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asoiafsworld · 2 years ago

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BELONG TO YOU - one

pairing; ellie williams x fem!reader

summary; you're new on campus and ellie notices you. despite your shyness and struggles of being anti social, you can't help but fall in love with her.

warnings and tags; modern!au, college!au, dealer!ellie, reader is shy, anxiety, depression, fluff, angst, eventual smut, touch starvation, ellie has a dick in this, reader is also pretty innocent, might make a kink out of it, drug abuse, obsessiveness, love at first sight kinda thing

author's note; i folded. im finally writing for my lovely ellie and feel like this is the worst thing i have ever written lmao. i was going to write all of this in like a very long one chapter thing but i literally can't so here's what u get. not even sure if i wanna continue this but if u guys like it i might. thanks for reading, pls tell me what u think of it <3

two

You feel lost.

You’re new to this place, new to this city, new to these people. You never expected to get away from your past, awful life and you’re still not sure if you have. Because you look around and observe the people at campus, see everyone with their friend groups or romantic partners and feel so utterly alone. You always have been, always too shy to talk to someone and too awkward to hold a conversation… or a friendship. Not that anyone ever thought you were worth being friends with.

It’s always been suffocating, this loneliness, this darkness that overtakes your mind when it’s quiet and you’re alone. You get that feeling when you sit under a tree in the park on campus and watch and observe the people around you. It’s not like you’re being ignored, you would have to be acknowledged first to be ignored. But people walking past you and not giving a single fuck about your existence is somewhat hurtful. One guy even stepped on your book earlier and didn’t even apologize to you. It was closed, thankfully, but it made you keep your things closer to you, making your little bubble smaller than it already is. You take a deep breath and look away from the crowded park and back down on your notes, distracting yourself from your self deprecating thoughts.

The moment that you look down, she looks up. Ellie’s gaze only wanders over you for a split second and she was going to let her gaze go over the park and the many people that she knows and sells to. But her brain works a second later than her eyes do so she looks back to the lone figure sitting under the tree, hair spilling down as your eyes sharply go over the notebook in your hands. Ellie is mesmerized for some reason, unable to look away from you and your pretty face and your legs enveloped in bright blue jeans and your fingers tracing the words on your book and your breasts pushing up as you breath-

“Earth to Ellie? Hello? You having a stroke or something?” Her eyes break away forcefully from you to look at her friend, Dina, who is looking at her with a questioning but amused glint in her eyes. Her mouth is working faster than her brain so the question doesn’t fully register until she says it.

“Do you know who that is? The girl under the tree? Never seen her before.” Dina’s eyebrows raise at the question and she turns around to look at where Ellie’s eyes have strayed to once more. She watches you take out your pen from your bag and scribble something down on your notebook, your lips puckering as you’re writing. It’s as if you don’t realize how pretty your lips look like this, how Ellie has to restrain her mind from thinking of something totally inappropriate. She doesn’t even know you, not even your name but the way you sit there all alone and almost helplessly lonely makes something in her stir. You shouldn’t be alone when she knows how many disgusting boys are at this college, even if it’s at a park with so many people out on a sunny day.

“Yeah, she’s new, moved into the empty room at the end of our hall. Pretty sure she’s next to your room.” Dina has turned her head back around and can’t hide the little smirk that forms on her face when she sees Ellie staring. She takes another second to let her eyes linger on you, on how gorgeous you look when the sun shines down on you before she stands up. She walks towards you with confidence and determination, not even entirely sure why. You just look so pretty to her, the way you sit there and study whilst everyone else is doing anything but studying. Something in her gut and in her chest stirs when she sees you sitting alone and looking seemingly sad. She doesn't think that anyone else notices but she sees that you look a little helpless, like a lost puppy not knowing where to go.

For some reason, she wants you to go to her.

You don’t realize that someone stands in front of you until a shadow is cast over you and your book, making it difficult to see your notes. When you look up, you see a tall girl in a crew neck shirt and an unbuttoned denim work shirt over it. She’s wearing faded blue jeans and blue converse, her brown, shoulder length hair partially tied to keep it out of her face. Her eyes are pale green and piercing as she looks down on you, the gaze in her eyes so intense but looking at you with all the ease in the world. Your heart races at this, so unused to someone looking at you or approaching you. You grip your book tightly to keep yourself from getting up and running away and hope she says something before you have to.

“Hi. Mind if I sit next to you?” Her voice sounds clear as she speaks, no hesitation or doubt in the way she speaks and even stands in front of you. You’re taken aback by her question and desperately suppress the urge to ask why she wants to be next to you. You don’t know her, only remember that she lives in the room next to yours and that there’s always people coming and going out of her room. You’ve seen her recieve money at her door sometimes in exchange for… god knows what she is giving other people, you wouldn’t know. You nod slowly and try not to look overly confused at her as she sits down right next to you, the body heat she radiates so close to you that it almost throws you off. You don’t know the last time someone sat this close to you and don’t want to think further about the feeling you often feel when you watch other people hug or kiss each other or hold hands. Touch starving, that’s what the internet called it when you googled it. You know that it’s true because you do not remember the last time you hugged someone or felt physical touch in any form. You feel so embarrassed when you accidentally brush against someone in the hallways because most of the time, your body craves more of that touch.

You are unsure of what to do now with someone sitting next to you, your breath held in carefully as if the world would shatter if you breathed out. Why is she sitting next to you? Did you do something wrong? You stare down at the book in your lap but can’t really think when there’s someone, a very pretty girl actually, sitting right next to you. There’s a slight breeze that hits you from the side and it carries the girl's scent with it, earthy and lemony from something that you can’t place. You like the smell, it suits her. You turn your head slightly and see that she’s been looking at you this entire time, the gaze in her eyes studying you and a small smile formed on her lips. God, she’s so gorgeous, it truly takes your breath away. She proceeds to hold a hand out to you and you look down to it before looking back up.

“I’m Ellie.” She says and and you smile slightly at how sweet she seems, introducing herself to a complete stranger. You briefly wonder how lonely you must have looked for Ellie to approach you and try not to think about it for too long. You tell her your name, your voice a little too shaky and too unsure, as if you just came up with your own name. You put your hand into hers and dig your finger into your palm on your other hand because this much body contact is not something you are used to. Your hand is smaller than hers and it looks tiny in her bigger, warmer hand. You almost don’t want to let go because her warmth and touch make something stir in your gut, something comforting and wholesome that you don’t know if you’ve ever felt before. It takes a lot of willpower for you to break your hand away from hers, willing to let it stay in hers for as long as she would let you but you shouldn’t scare her off right away.

“So, you’re pretty new here. What’s your major?” Ellie is captivated by the girl in front of her. You are even prettier up close and Ellie has a hard time not looking at your lips constantly or your tiny hand that fits into hers twice over. You look confused and helpless, even if you try to hide it and it makes Ellie’s heart hurt a little. Why do you seem so scared of even talking to anyone? And why is Ellie so interested in you? She doesn’t know why she even came over here but the moment she saw you, every nerve in her brain only had one goal: to talk to you. You look at her with an unreadable look in our eyes and nervously brush your hair behind your ear.

“Uhm, M-marine Biology.” You feel heat rise to your cheeks at your stutter and hope she doesn’t notice it. She seems perceptive enough that she probably does but also tactful enough to not comment on it. Her eyebrows raise a little at your answer and you hope she doesn’t think it’s lame. You don’t know why you don’t want her to think you’re lame.

“Marine biology… That’s pretty cool.” Your heart does a little flip at the way she draws her words out and you can hear a slight accent in her voice. It sounds southern but it’s not that noticeable. “So, you like fish?”

The question is so silly that it takes you aback and you do something that you never do in front of other people; you giggle. You hope it doesn’t sound stupid to her because it certainly does to you and you quickly bite your lip to stop yourself. You look at her again and now have a small smile on your lips that seems to make her smile in return. She’s so incredibly attractive, the way she sits with her knees drawn up and her hair tied back and her eyes looking at you in a certain way that you can’t describe.

“Yeah, I guess I do. What’s your major?” You mentally give yourself a pat on the back for your progress on socializing but talking to someone like this is still unknown territory for you. You’re still incredibly nervous next to her and hope you don’t say something stupid.

“Fine arts. Was always interested in it, I draw a lot and I guess I’m pretty good at it… or something.” The way Ellie bashfully scratches the back of her head and blushes at the last part makes your chest feel warm, for whatever reason. She seems like an artistic kind of person, the tattoos on her arms catching your attention and wondering if she drew them herself. She must be talented, you think to yourself. How couldn’t she be with hands like hers.

You are distracted by the sound of her name being called and look towards a girl with dark hair and sharp, memorable features. She’s pretty, very pretty and looks at Ellie impatiently. You wonder if that’s her girlfriend, certain of Ellie being gay with the way she carries herself and… sits. And wears converse. Your heart hurts at that thought and you feel incredibly stupid for it. Ellie sighs next to you and gets up, looking back down at you with an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry, I promised my friend Dina to drive her downtown. But… Maybe you would like to see my drawings? Or just, hang out. We’re neighbors after all.” You can’t pretend that hearing her call the girl her friend doesn’t make you relieved and the small smile is on your face again as you feel better at the revelation. You don’t know if you should let news like this affect you the way they do but how could you not cling onto every detail when someone talks to you like a friend… for maybe the first time since you were a child. You nod as you stare and memorize her face, her pretty freckles captivating you.

“Yeah, I would like that.” Your voice is soft as you speak and you play with your fingers to distract yourself, swallowing as you see the way she stares down at you. Her hand reaches towards you and gently, so softly, she brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. Her finger brushes over your cheek so delicately that your stomach twists at the touch and you genuinely don’t know how to keep yourself sane. Your lashes flutter softly at her touch but your eyes remain locked on hers, desperate to hear her say something else or let her touch your however she wants to.

“I’ll see you then.” Ellie pulls her finger away gently and turns around, walking towards her friend. You watch as Ellie moves further and further away from your point of view until she is not even visible but you have barely come back to your senses by then. You exhale the breath you held in and softly close your eyes, touching the cheek that she had touched so softly. The moment keeps replaying in your mind, her intense gaze not faltering for once as she looks down at you like she can do whatever she wants, like… like she owns you.

You’re embarrassed by how much you like that thought. All your life, you have been alone, your family estranged and abusive, no friends to keep you sane, your mentality and shyness not allowing you to make friends. And here comes this girl, this gorgeous, pretty, intimidating girl that just sits next to you and touches you like she’s never done anything different. She seems like the kind of person that makes you feel safe, that protects you and takes care of you. The kind of person that you belong to.

She’s a stranger. You barely know her and yet, you can’t help your thoughts. You want to belong to her.

#the last of us #ellie williams #the last of us imagine #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fluff #ellie x reader #ellie tlou #ellie imagine #belong to you #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams fanfiction #dealer!ellie

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dronebiscuitbat · 2 months ago

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Give me a Reason: Chapter 19 - "Best Freind"

N: U sure ur okay?

Uzi sighed as she crashed into her mattress, body feeling sore and head full of cotton balls. Tessa had just pulled out of the driveway and N was already texting her.

She wasn't sure when they'd actually become friends, maybe somewhere between ghost hunting and getting kicked in the gut she'd somehow made that connection. But she was absolutely not used to someone being this worried.

He'd incessantly asked what had happened for her to get so injured. And she'd incessantly deflected, either saying that it was nothing serious- which was bullshit, it hurt like hell. Or, at the cost of her ego- she lied and said it was an accident.

She just wasn't sure how he'd react to the truth, he'd probably be even more worried then, knowing that someone did this to her on purpose.

Or… he'd laugh at her. Because she was weak, because she'd put herself in a vulnerable position and then couldn't take a little pain an-

N: You can talk to me.

N: No pressure.

N: Just worried about you :(

The new messages stopped that train of thought. No. He wouldn't laugh. Even her chronic cynicism couldn't convince her of that.

Finally, instead of staring at his messages, she responded.

Uzi: Promise you won't say anything? Or laugh.

N: Promise

She sighed, here goes nothing…

Uzi: I got kicked in the stomach, u know how I seemed upset that I knew someone in my math class? It was them.

The reply actually took a minute to come back.

And that was because N had all of air knocked out of him at that reply. She'd been hit? Purposefully? And hard enough to give her a serious injury? Why? She was so nice! And cool!

N: Who?

Uzi: Lizzy, she's a teachers aid now, but she was in my class last year.

Uzi: It's not the first time she's thrown a punch, just caught me off gaurd this time.

Once again, N was floored, a teachers aid!?

N: I'd never laugh at you. But you should report her, she shouldn't be working with students if she thinks that's okay.

Uzi huffed through her nose, a half-laugh that was drenched in a depressing kind of acceptance.

Uzi: It's not like they'd believe me. I'm not exactly a model student.

She sat her phone down and shucked off her jacket and beanie, hissing as her side throbbed dully. This had been such a day…

Her hand instinctually reached for her stash drawer before she even realized, and in another, she was looking at it's false bottom.

As tempting as it was- and it was very tempting. Drug mixing wasn't smart even if one of them was just an over-the-counter pain reliever, and adding a bad trip on an already shitty day didn't sound fun.

So instead she wrapped herself in the biggest, comfiest shirt she could find and grabbed her laptop, maybe she could distract herself with YouTube.

N: What do you mean by that?

Oh right, she'd never mentioned the fact she'd been held back to him, whoops.

Uzi: I was held back a year. I'm 19.

N: Oh wow! You're older then me!

N: Still it can't have been that bad. Failing a class isn't a reason to not belive you.

Uzi smirked, fingers clicking on the keys of her laptop as she tried to find something to watch- settling on an analysis video of one of the shows she was watching.

Uzi: I was high in class and a teacher called the campus police.

It took nearly twenty minutes for him to respond to that.

N:Sorry, got home and had to get up to my room.

N:You were WHAT?!

N: That's a crime!

Uzi: And so is trespassing on JCJenson private property to ghost hunt.

N blushed, now laying on his bed in a grey pajama shirt and pants with dogs printed on them, he held his phone close to his face as he grumbled, she had him there, but that hadn't really felt like a crime at the time…

N: I think you're a bad influence.

N: Also you're deflecting, drugs are bad! And unhealthy!

Uzi rolled her eyes at that, he wasn't the first person to tell her that. But you know what was worse? Dealing with herself unmedicated, without her stash, her head just got fuzzier and fuzzier, and before she knew it… she'd be having a full mental meltdown at the slightest provocation. Which she hated, she never felt like herself during those…

Uzi: Probably. But you see why they won't believe me over miss perfect.

N: Yeah okay, now I'm gonna be worried tho. I don't want you being hurt.

She smiled at that, this boy was so endlessly empathetic, and thankfully, her unloading some not-so-great facts about herself didn't seem to put him off either.

Uzi: Ew, don't worry over me. That's gay.

And yet she couldn't help but make a joke over it.

N: ???

N: how?

N: how does my worry make me gay?

Uzi: It's not manly.

Uzi: Empathy is a girly emotion.

She was snickering to herself, she didn't actually believe that of course, but she could almost see his reaction to it. That stupid, confused and amused smile that he wore when she made a particularly dumb joke.

N: Guess I'm gay then.

N: Cause I'm always going to worry. You're my freind.

N:Best Freind?

Her heart fluttered full of butterflies at that. Is that what he wanted? From her? She was so convinced he'd find someone else to hang out with but here he was, asking to continue this…

Whatever this was.

Uzi: Always knew I'd end up with a gay best freind.

Uzi: u can't borrow my makeup.

N: Awww, but it would look so good on me!

Uzi thought about that for a moment, imagining N with dark eyeshadow, lipstick, and black nails, and she about choked, she wasn't sure if it was funny or weirdly attractive.

Uzi: Dude that mental image.

Uzi: It's so cursed, I about choked.

N: Blursed

N: It's Blessed and Cursed

The conversation continued, the fuzz in her head slowly dissipating even without the assistance of her stash, and it continued late into the night… up until she heard Khan pull onto the driveway at 2am.

Uzi: Oh god, it's 2am. We need to sleep.

N: I didn't realize! We're gonna be zombies…

Uzi: More of a zombie u mean?

N: Yeh. U still in pain? Are u going to sleep ohay?

N: Okay* oof, sleepy fingers.

Even while about to pass out. He was still worried…

Uzi: I'm okay, pain isn't bad. U need sleep N

N: Ok, text you tmmrow, Uzi. Goodnight.

Uzi: Night N.

#murder drones #uzi doorman #serial designation n #nuzi #biscuitbites #give me a reason #looks at my very much not consistent uploads this past week #i'm so sorry

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a-romantics-guide-to-life · 2 months ago

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⋆ ₊☽˚𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓭 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼˚☾₊ ⋆

𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂 : you and coryo had gone through hell and back, you've been together and far apart yet you could never find the courage to say how you truly feel for him. so, you wrote them into letter form, but you never sent them. and so what happens when one mr. snow finds each and every letter only to realize that it's too late?

𝓽𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓰𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : written in letter form from the readers perspective, talks of jealousy and sad feelings, r is definitely from the capitol, self blame, kinda sorta depression, angst, deceit

𝓪/𝓷 : i've fallen in love with this series (it's been a lot of fun to write) and I KNOW MANY PEOPLE DON'T WANT THE ANGST BUT IM SORRY I JUST HAVE TO DO IT SOOOO here ya go, enjoy! admittedly though this isn't tooo tooo angsty (i think) um but yea

𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 | 𝓷𝓮𝔁𝓽 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽

⋆ ₊ ☽ ·˚𓍲⋆ 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓽𝔀𝓸: 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓮𝓴𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓮𝓻 ⋆𓍲˚· ☾ ₊ ⋆

Dearest Coryo,

Darling, it’s been a month and life has been hectic.

It’s been a whirlwind of moving into the University dorms and getting accustomed to the new campus when we’ve been at the Academy since, well forever really. The classes are the same though, not too hard.

I just know it in my bones that you would’ve excelled here.

Which makes me wonder really where you are. Tigris hasn’t said anything, or well I haven’t really had a reason to visit her since you’re not there. Even Sejanus just up and left. Many of the students are actually quite happy about that, especially Festus.

It’s been quite lonely here actually.

I sit all by myself at lunch now. I remember how we used to sit next to each other, well really across from each other, and talk about anything and everything really. Your Grandma’am’s roses, how much your arms were sore from cleaning the entire apartment, the newest fashion trends amongst the ladies of the capitol.

To be quite honest with you Coryo, it’s been hard.

I miss my best friend.

I miss your deep blue eyes and how your eyes brightened whenever we were talking. I miss how your nose crinkled whenever you smiled, genuinely smiled. I miss your lightning quick remarks flooded with sarcasm and wit.

Most of all, I miss how you made me feel.

You know at home that my mother and father disregard me completely. You know how doting they are to my baby brother. You especially know how much it hurts to watch from the sidelines how perfect their family was when I too am a branch from that tree.

I guess they cut mine off, huh?

I really really miss you Coryo. You were the only one who saw the real me, and loved the real me even when no one was around.

Now that you’re gone, all the love and light of my life has been sucked out of the very marrow of my being.

Who will love me during these cold cold summer months if not you and only you Coryo?

I really do miss you.

Love,

Your Best Friend

Dearest Coryo,

How are you? It’s been quite a while since I wrote my last letter.

Well, there’s actually a very good reason for my absence and that’s because of not only the very busy life of a University student but also I find myself being courted by this boy named Billius.

He’s actually older than both of us, he just recently started his second year at the University. He somehow reminds me of you while in some aspects he’s completely the opposite of you. He’s tall and handsome and he’s just so gentle and sweet, when he wants to be of course. He’s also so funny and witty just like you!

He’s just so loveable Coryo. When you get back I’ll introduce you two!

Billy, my nickname for him, doesn’t aspire to be president though so at least that’s one less competitor! He actually aspires to be Dean of the Academy, he says he wants to be an educator, isn’t that just so sweet?

And he’s just so romantic. He takes me out to dinner every Friday and brings me roses when he picks me up.

He reminds me of you.

The way that you would be waiting outside of my classes as we walked to the lunch hall. We’d wait patiently for our turn, complaining about the new homework we got from Sinistra or bouncing off ideas for a new presentation we had to work on.

What really mattered was that we were there for each other through it all, thick and thin.

But now? You’re nowhere to be found.

But Billy? He’s been here. He’s even helped me help your family move out of your old penthouse.

Did you know they got evicted Coryo? I tried to help them pay off at least one more month so that they could properly pack up and move but they didn’t accept it. Although, I did manage to get them a week's stay at my family’s hotel free of charge so that they could get their bearings straight. Tigris hasn’t accepted my offer to help find a new apartment though.

You know, hearing Tigris talk about you makes me just so sad, Coryo. Even Tigris doesn’t want to tell me where you truly are.

Can you imagine that, your best friend, gone. And everyone but you knows where he is.

It hurts Coryo.

Please come home soon,

Your Best Friend

P.S. I'll be waiting here for you Coryo, forever and always. I’ll be here for when you’re ready to talk

Dear Coryo,

Hey, it hasn’t been long, huh.

Of course much has happened since I last wrote to you.

Billy proposed to me. To be honest, I was at a loss for words because in truth, I’ll never be able to get over you.

It was a little surprising to say the least. We had been out for our weekly Friday dates. He showed up at my doorstep with the same blood rose flowers he always brings me and that bright boyish smile on his face. He took me back to where we first went out together and dropped the question. He even had a ring and everything!

It was like everything I’ve ever dreamed of except, it wasn’t you with the bright blue eyes and big wide smile. It wasn’t you who had brought me roses as pure as the driven snow. And it wasn’t you who had gotten on one knee to profuse your utter devotion.

So of course, I politely declined Billius. After all, I was still in University same as him and we’d only known each other a little over a month.

I feel like I’ve known you an eternity Coryo.

Yet I could never read your mind.

Tigris has told me that you called her. She said your hair has been all shaved off!

You could have told me you became a peacekeeper Coryo. You know I’d never think less of you just because you’ve found work in the Districts. That doesn’t make you one of those rebels that killed your father.

I thought you trusted me Coryo, just how I trust you.

I thought you knew you could talk to me about anything and everything. Nothing you could say could make me hate you because I love you, the good and the bad.

But I guess I never showed you that, did I?

Tomorrow, I swear, I’ll send all these letters now that I finally know that you’re in 8. Hopefully, you’ll finally tell me what's going on because all these rumors are getting louder and louder Coryo.

Awaiting your response,

Your Best Friend

Coryo,

You’re in 12, aren’t you?

Guess how surprised I was when I went to peacekeeper dispatch only to find out that you paid to get sent to 12. You used every last penny to your name to go to 12??

It doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots Coriolanus. Lucy Gray, you really like her, don’t you?

Even when she didn’t trust you and your only motive was to win the Plinth Prize, it’s always been her, hasn’t it?

Even in that zoo, when you nearly kissed her, when I saw you two, it’s always been her.

I mean, I’m happy that you’ve found someone who made you run up right to the ledge for her, I just wish that it would have been me.

I hope that she does make you smile and happy, cause that’s all that really ever mattered to me, your happiness. Neither one of our childhoods were what we deserved and I’m just glad that one of us got the happiness that we deserve.

Love Always,

Your Best Friend

P.S. If we ever get the chance, I hope you introduce me to her

AHHH hope you enjoyed! and buckle in because this is going to be an angsty ride ahead ya'll

#coriolanus snow #coryo snow #coriolanus x reader #tom blyth #tom blyth x reader #letters #the hunger games #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #thg #emi sanity #also if you read this before i fixed the typos NO YOU DIDNT!!

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lovegalor333 · 8 days ago

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fresh start

part three (chapter 7-9) previous part • next part

word count: 7.1k

content warnings: panic attack mentions of selfh*rm and depression

Lily

"What time does your shift start?" Madison asked me as we sat together eating breakfast in our apartment.

Kelsey and Hannah both had classes today so had already left but Madison and I had Wednesdays free.

"Not until 11." I glance at my phone, it was currently 9:45AM. "But I'm going to get there a little bit earlier because I don't actually know what I'm doing."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be fun!" My roommate reassures. "Are you nervous?"

"Kinda, I don't want to mess anything up and I just hope everyone likes me." I say honestly.

"Hey, who couldn't like Lily? You're a ball of sunshine!" Madison compliments, "Don't stress it, they know it's your first day, I'm sure they'll be easy on you."

"I hope so." I huff finishing off my cereal before taking my bowl to the kitchen to clean it.

I had almost completed my first full week at UConn and I counted my blessings that it had been going well. I had made friends, enjoyed my first taste of classes and found a job. All things that worried me when it came to transferring. I'd also unintentionally met Paige and I don't know what the future holds with that but it feels nice right now.

We hadn't seen each other since our 'date' a few days ago but we started an almost constant message thread on Instagram. Paige sent the first message yesterday morning and it's basically been nonstop, back and forth from us both.

As if she knew I was thinking about her, my phone pinged with a notification,

[lily.kent] paigebueckers

just spoke to janet, you will be with us today

try not to stare pretty girl, you'll distract me

I smiled at the confirmation that I would be working with Paige and her teammates today, it put my mind at ease considering I'd met most of them already and of course I'd get to see Paige.

I cliked on the dm she had just sent and replied,

i cant make any promises

It was 10AM and my phone pinged again with my daily medication reminder. I went to my bedroom and swallowed down the pills that were singlehandedly keeping me alive. Without them, my brain just doesn't know how to function, it goes into full self destruct mode and getting out of that is the hardest thing of all.

I definitely still have some days that are hard despite being on medication but they're easier to deal with and come around less often.

I had decided a second coffee of the day was a good idea and I had just enough time to pick it up from, what's quickly becoming my usual spot, before my shift started.

The late August air was still warm so I had opted for a low waisted pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt that stopped just before my bellybutton so the perfect amount of skin was showing.

I picked up my favourite order of an iced caramel latte with almond milk and took a slow walk to the athletics building, taking in my surroundings. More and more students had returned to campus over the weekend and beginning of this week so it was busy.

It reminded me of my old college and for a moment I was back there, in Massachusetts with no friends and just having been outed and anxiety hit me like a truck I almost toppled over.

I navigated myself to the nearest bench and sat down in an attempt to regulate my strained breathing. I remembered what my therapist had told me about panic attacks and how to handle them. I focused on my senses.

What was one thing I could taste? Coffee.

What was one thing I could hear? My heart pounding.

What was one thing I could feel? My phone clutched tight in my hand.

What was one thing I could smell? The perfume I had sprayed earlier.

What was one thing I could see? My eyes were closed in an attempt to block out everything around me but I opened them and one thing I could see was someone walking towards me.

My vision was slightly blurred as it always is when I have a panic attack but as they got closer it was clear it was Kayla.

"Lily, are you OK?" She asks dropping her bag down and kneeling in front of me.

"Yeah." I manage but it comes out unconvincing and shaky.

"Did something happen?" I can't even get myself verbalise anything this time so I just shake my head. Kayla quickly realises that I'm in so state to talk so she sits beside me and gently rubs my back until I eventually calm down.

"I have panic attacks sometimes." I tell the girl next to me, finally able to talk without feeling like my lungs were going to explode.

"How do you feel now?" She asks, a look of concern on her face.

"I'm OK now, a little shaky. They come out of nowhere most of the time." I explain, taking a sip of my coffee - which probably isn't helping.

"I can tell Janet you need to push back your start day, she'd understand."

I shake my head sternly, "No way. I'm not giving up before I have even started." I say standing up, my legs still slightly weak.

"It wouldn't be giving up Lily. Everyone has struggles." Kayla tries to empathise but I've already started walking to the athletics building again.

"I'm seriously fine, I've struggled with a lot worse than a panic attack." I blurt before realising Kayla knows nothing about my past.

"Ok, well maybe lets just take five before going in? You've still got fifteen minutes." She says looking at her watch.

"Ok." I give in and Kayla and I stand side by side as I take a few deep breaths.

"You got this and I got you." Kayla says after a few minutes of silence as she wraps me into a hug.

I hug her back, "Thank you, K. Sorry for the freak out, I can usually keep it under control."

"No need to apologise, I'm glad you weren't alone. Panic attacks can be scary." She says as we walk into the building and begin our way to the offices, a route I'm familiar with now.

"Do you mind not telling anyone?" I ask sheepishly.

I'd rather be the one to tell Paige about things, I didn't want her to hear it secondhand from anyone else.

Kayla mimes zipping her lips and I smile at her in response just before we step into Janets office.

"Hello Lily! Happy first day!" Janet beams standing up to greet me.

"Hi Janet, thank you. I'm super excited." I beam back putting on my best fake smile as I push back the remnants of the panic attack I just had.

Janet explains what my day will look like, "So the basketball girls are already on the court but open practice officially starts at 11:30. That's when you'll go in with the rest of the media outlets. You'll be working alongside Marcus who writes the sports column in the UConn newsletter. He'll explain your job more but write down as much as you can, take photos and videos and just be yourself!" She smiles and hands me a folder with the Huskies logo on the front with my name printed beneath it.

I open the folder and find a notebook, multiple pens and a mini microphone, the kind that plugs into your phone that you see tiktokers using in their videos.

"Oh there you are. Marcus, meet Lily. Lily, meet Marcus." Janet says and I spin around to the door that Marcus had just walked through.

"Hi Lily." Marcus says stretching out his hand for me to shake and I do. "Hi Marcus."

I wasn't expecting Marcus to be a fellow student but he was, he didn't look much older than me and had dark brown hair and eyes to match. He was handsome for sure, I'm lesbian but I could appreciate a mans beauty.

Marcus and I quickly acquainted as he told me exactly what we'd be doing today. It wasn't much different from what Janet had explained and before I knew it, we were walking down to the basketball court.

Paige

The ball had just left my hand and I knew it was cash, from my spot on the three-point line, when the doors to the court opened. My eye's flicked to the large digital clock on the wall, it was 11:30, media were here.

I watched intently as familiar faces filtered into the room and then one familiar face in particular brought a smile to my face, Lily.

Her effortless beauty always seemed to catch me off guard. Still being new to each other, I was seeing Lily in a new way each time. Today was the first time I'd seen her with her hair tied up, her perfect facial features on full display. She had a simple outfit on but the sliver of stomach on show between her jeans and shirt did something to me. I wanted to run across the court and hold her in my arms, feel her skin on mine, tell her how pretty she looked. Her smile shone from meters away and I could just about make out her sweet laugh over all the commotion going on.

I was so focused on Lily, I didn't notice the aggravatingly good looking guy stood beside her, until his hand came into contact with her arm.

Who was he and why was he touching her?

I watched intently as he pointed over to the stands where some of the media people had already began setting up. In all fairness, it looked like he was just explaining something to her but either way, he didn't need to make physical contact.

"You got some competition, P?" Jana joke nudging my side, obviously seeing the same thing as me.

I scoff, "That kids got nothing on me." I say and bounce the ball again few times before shooting another perfect three.

I glance back in Lilys direction to find her already looking in mine a small smile on her face, she raises her eyebrows and nods slightly as if to say "not bad", I give a quick bow in response and go to retrieve the ball.

We shoot around a little more before we all disperse to the different media outlets waiting to ask us questions.

My eyes fall to Lily more than I'd like to admit and I had to ask for a few questions to be repeated due to my lack of concentration. Lily never reciprocated any of my stolen looks because she was so engrossed in her job; jotting down notes, recording interviews and laughing along with the girls.

After what felt like an eternity, I was finally stood with Lily and Mr Shaggy Hair.

"Hi Paige, Marcus with UConn newsletter and this is-" Marcus introduced himself and tried introducing Lily.

"I know Lily." I say making eye contact with the brunette girl to the right of me.

"Hi Paige." She says softly, phone in hand already pointed in my direction.

"Paige, this was your first summer without injury, what did you do that you haven't been able to in previous years?" Marcus asks, pen poised to take an necessary notes.

I answered all of Marcus' questions before I had to move on, "Thank you, Paige. Nice speaking to you." He smiled genuinely. "Thank you, you too." I smiled back trying my best to also be genuine but probably failing.

I intentionally brushed my body against Lilys as I passed her, using my hands to manoeuvre around her small frame.

We wrapped media and hour or so later and the team and I were free to go but I lingered, shooting random shots while Lily and Marcus had a discussion before they packed up their things.

Marcus left but not before hugging Lily goodbye, I rolled my eyes watching the interaction before making my way over to her.

"My favourite journalist." I say draping my arm over her shoulder and pulling her close.

She laughed, "I wouldn't say journalist, I'm just helping out."

"Ok, my favourite helper-outer then." I tease and we both watch as the final few people exit the court, leaving us alone.

Lilys arm swiftly navigates itself around my waist and she steps in front of me, her other arm looping around my torso also so she was hugging me. Both my arms wrapped around her shoulders and we just held each other for a few seconds.

"So...Marcus?" I drag out looking down at the girl in my arms. I feel her body shake with a little giggle, "Handsome guy, right?" She says pulling away and looking up at me. A scowl forms on my face, "Not really." I say matter of factly crossing my arms.

"Oh, is this jealous Paige?" She asks jutting out her hip and placing her hand on the other. I turn away from her, "No..."

"Oh, I think it is." She says walking around and standing in front of me, extremely close, our toes are touching and her body heat is radiating onto me. She brings her hand to my face and directs me to look at her, "I am one hundred percent gay, Paige." Lily reassures her eyes looking directly into mine.

When we first met, Lily would never hold eye contact with me, as much as I tried but now she was and I could see every single fleck in her eyes. The light brown points making them sparkle under the bright lights.

"And I am one hundred percent regretting agreeing to keep this a secret." I say truthfully now bringing my hand to her face, stroking her cheek gently.

"But just us knowing is so..hot." She says soft and breathy. "The secret glances and touches." She continues, her hand smoothing down my chest to my stomach.

Her eyes linger on my lips and I run my tongue along them.

"Don't do that."

"What?" I ask innocently but a smirk creeps onto my face.

"Don't lick your lips while we're this close."

"Why not?"

She doesn't answer and we stand in silence, tension rising between us as the seconds go on. I move my free hand to her waist and pull her closer, if that was even possible and my hand on her face moves to her neck. I lean down and Lily leans up and after what feels like decades of waiting our lips reach each others and we kiss.

It's needy but delicate and everything and more that I'd imagined it to be. Getting a taste of Lily made me realise I'll never get enough. Her hands are all over me. My stomach, my back, my hips. She kisses me harder with an urgency I never knew I needed.

When we finally pull away from each other, both our chests are rising and falling at a quickened pace. Lilys lips are blushed and plump and they break into a soft, swollen smile.

"Let's get out of here," She says grabbing my hand, "and hope no one was watching the cameras." I'm still speechless as I follow her out of the basketball court, our hands linked together.

I drive me and Lily around Storrs for the best part of a few hours. Lily has her phone connected to my car and is playing her favourite songs.

Her playlists were filled with Lana Del Rey and I think it suited her perfectly. Lily was the embodiment of a Lana Del Rey song, the softness and vulnerability of Lanas vocals complemented the girl next to me without fault.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

I'd barely left the confines of my bedroom in the past two days. I only got up from my bed to pee and grab bottles of water which were now scattered around my room, empty.

Kelsey, Hannah and Madison had periodically been coming in to check on me and bring me whatever food they had ordered in or cooked that day. I'm guessing at some point during all of this, Kelsey had somewhat explained to our other roommates what she had discovered about me, because no one asked questions and that's how I liked it.

I didn't have the mental capacity to explain the way I was feeling or why I was feeling it when I couldn't even understand it myself.

After having the panic attack on Wednesday, everything inside of me felt...off. After throwing myself into my first day at work, I spent the afternoon with Paige and it gave my mind respite from itself. But once I was home and alone with my thoughts, they took over and refused to be tamed.

I went through Thursday in an altered state, so distracted by everything in my head, I felt like I was watching myself from a third persons perspective. The day didn't seem real.

One thing that was clear though was my time spent with Paige. She met me after my final class of the day and we just sat and spoke and enjoyed each others company. Things felt lighter with Paige, easier to handle but I was not Paiges responsibility and I was not about to become a burden to her either.

Kissing Paige on Thursday night was bittersweet because I knew I wouldn't be seeing for a few days at least. I could feel myself slipping into a deep depressive episode and along with that came a whole lot of self isolation.

I isolate myself when I get like this to save the people around me. I'm a ticking time bomb when my thoughts darken and I wanted to minimise the casualties. I was the only casualty allowed.

I cried when Paige dropped me home. I cried for me and this inevitable dark cloud that appears whenever it feels like it. I cried for her because she had no idea what was going on. I cried for us because things were going well and I was about to ruin it.

I skipped classes on Friday and slept most of Saturday. Sleeping when I feel like this is the only time I have that allows the feeling to pause.

It was Sunday now and my roommates had invited me to go to brunch with them, of course I declined. I think they knew deep down what my answer was going to be but they asked anyway.

Kelsey hugged me tight before they left, telling me to call her if I needed to, I just hummed in response and watched the girls with sympathetic smiles on their faces leave.

Getting up from my place in bed, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was bundled in a bun on top of my head, undoubtedly tangled to hell. I had an oversized t-shirt on that I had previously cut to be off-the-shoulder. I looked a mess but I didn't have the energy or care enough to do anything about it.

The healed marks on my arm teased me to feel that of so familiar, temporary relief of physical pain. It was a mental battle that I had won up until today.

Paige

I knocked on Kaylas apartment door after hours, days actually, of deliberation.

"Oh hey, Paige." Kayla says smiling, opening her door for me to step in.

"Hi Kayla." I gave her a small smile in return that makes it obvious that somethings wrong. I've never been good at hidding my feelings.

"What's wrong?" She asks, perching on the edge of her couch.

I sit down too, unsure how to approach the subject without making overly obvious that something was going on between me and Lily.

"Have you spoken to Lily at all?" I ask, not really caring what Kayla thought, worry taking precedent.

She shakes her head, "No, I haven't. Not since Wednesday." She tells me. "Why?"

"I just haven't heard from her in a few days. I've tried messaging but had nothing in response." I explain.

It looks as though something clicks in Kaylas head when I say this but she doesn't speak up.

"What?" I push for her to say what she's thinking.

"Something happened on Wednesday. I promised Lily I wouldn't say anything though."

"What happened Kayla?" I ask, my heart rate increasing at the thought of something bad happening to Lily.

"I really can't say Paige. She asked me not to."

Ouch.

"She asked you not to tell me?"

"Not you specifically, anyone." Kayla says.

"I'm worried." I admit.

"Have you been to her apartment?"

I nod, "I walked past today and yesterday. I rang the buzzer but there was no answer."

"I could try calling her." Kayla suggests pulling out her phone.

"Please." I urge and watch as she presses call on Lilys contact.

The phone rings and rings and eventually goes to voicemail.

"I'm going to her apartment and if I have to break in, I will." Is all I say before leaving Kaylas apartment.

My mind reels with scenarios that could have happened to make Lily go completely MIA as I make the short trip to her building.

As I pull up, someone is leaving the apartment block and I jog from my car to catch the entrance door before it closes and I have no way of getting in.

I take the stairs two at a time to reach Lilys floor and I knock on the door.

Nothing.

I knock again, louder this time.

Still nothing.

Clearly her roommates were not home because they would have answered.

I knock again.

"Lily," I call out her name desperate for a response, "It's Paige."

I wait a while before knocking for the fourth time when I hear the latch of the door click and it slowly creaks open revealing Lily. She looks different, tired, like exhausted and...sad.

"Oh my god, Lily." I exclaim basically forcing myself through the door. "Are you OK?" I ask, my arms instinctively wrapping around her.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is quiet and shaky and it takes me aback, she usually sounds so upbeat and cheerful.

"Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for days. I went to Kaylas, she said something happened on Wednesday. What happened on Wednesday?" My words are rushed and messy.

"She had no right to tell you that. I asked her not to." Lily says, now out of my arms, she crosses hers over herself.

"I was worried. What happened Lils? Talk to me."

She just looks at me with heavy eyes and takes staggered steps towards the couch before sitting down.

"Is it me? Have I done something?"

"It's not yo-"

"Just tell me if I have. I'll fix it. I really like you Lily." I cut her off before she can finish her sentence.

"Paige." She says getting my attention, "It's not you. Please will you sit down."

"Was it Marcus? I'll kill him if he's done anything to you." I say now thinking of the worst possible things.

"Paige!" Lily says louder this time, "Just sit down." She flings out her arm that was across her chest motioning for me to sit next to her and as she does I notice array of white lines. Healed scars bestrewn across her wrist and inner arm.

She looks from me to her extended arm and quickly pulls it back to her chest before getting up and walking, fast to her room.

I follow after her in silence, unsure what to say in the moment.

When I reach her bedroom, shes pulling a sweater on over her baggy t-shirt.

"Lily.." I begin but I don't really know what to say next.

"You don't have to say anything Paige." She says, sensing my hesitation.

"I want to say something. I just don't know how." I tell her truthfully.

"Just say what you're thinking."

"What happened?"

"When - on Wednesday or what happened to cause my scars?" She asks sitting on her bed, crossing her legs.

"Both." I breathe out going and sitting next to her.

Lily inhales deeply, "I'll tell you, but I want you to know that's its OK if you want to leave after. I'll understand."

"I have nowhere to be today."

"No. I mean like really leave. Leave this," She motioned between us. "before it becomes something."

"Lily, why would I want to leave?" I ask genuinely. Theres nothing that she could say to me right now that would make me want to walk away.

"Because Paige, I'm a burden and being around me when I'm like this quickly becomes exhausting." She says, her head bowed down looking into her lap.

"Don't say that!" My voice comes out louder than I wanted and Lily looks up at me taken aback. "Sorry," I mummble. "but please don't say that. Being around you is not exhausting, I've never felt more alive than when I'm with you, Lily." I shuffle my body over to her, closing the gap between us on her bed.

We're side by side with our backs against the headboard, my legs extended in front of me and Lily's crossed in front of her. I place my hand delicately on her thigh to let her know I'm here whenever she's ready talk.

It takes her a while and we sit comfortably in silence, my hand on her leg and eventually her head on my shoulder, before she speaks.

Lily tells me everything. From her depression diagnosis at thirteen to her somewhat recent breakup and being outted and how that ultimately resulted in her attempting to take her own life. She explained the scars on her arm were self inflicted and she said it was hard to explain but she would rather feel something physically than mentally so thats why she did it.

As much as it was hard for her to explain, it was equally hard for me to understand. I didn't want to think of Lily hurt and understand it.

She had a panic attack on Wednesday that started this most recent episode. She said they come every so often without warning, she's on medication that helps her get through most days but she still has moments that she can't control.

I stayed mostly silent while Lily bravely shared such a vulnerable part of her. She cried at points and I wiped her tears but I didn't ask any questions, I just wanted to listen.

"Do you think I'm crazy." She sniffles, lifting her head from my shoulder to look at me.

I shake me head, "No baby. I don't think you're crazy. I think you've been through a lot in your life. A lot of shit that you didn't deserve. But what matters is, you're here. You're here trying, despite it all and I'm proud of you." I tell the doe eyed girl infront of me.

I place a hand on each of her cheeks and hold her face, wiping strays tears as they fall. I plant a kiss to her forehead, then one on the tip of her nose and I hover my lips over hers unsure if now is the time but Lily's the one to close the space, pressing her mouth to mine.

I kiss her gently at first as if scared to break her but Lily pushes deeper into the kiss, harder. Without breaking us apart, she manoeuvres herself on top of me, straddling my thighs. My hands find her hips like they were made for them and I hold on to her desperately as we continue to kiss.

"I don't want this to change the way you see me." Lily says breathlessly as we break away from each other.

"I knew you before I knew this and that's the Lily I see. The one who buys coffee for her friends when they're hungover, the one who smiles at everyone, the one who works hard. That's the Lily I know." I say to her as she stays sat in my lap, my hands caressing their way up her back.

"If it gets too much...if I get too much, I'll understand." Lily says playing with the strings of my hoodie.

"Can you stop saying stuff like that?" I take her hands in mine, "I want to be here. With you. Right now. Do you understand that? I'm choosing to be here Lily."

She nods a small nod letting me know she heard what I was saying.

Lily flips her leg off of me so shes back at my side. I shuffle down the bed slightly and pull her into me, my arm around her shoulders and head on my chest.

"One thing Lily," I say and she hums in response. "if you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

This week was going considerably better than last week, thank god.

Paige had spent most of Sunday laid next to me in my bed, even when my roommates returned from their brunch plans, she didn't move. I was falling in and out of sleep for the majority of the day, my emotions had exhausted me and with my head on Paiges chest and my body encapsulated by her arms, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't for a long time.

Paige reluctantly left my apartment that night after making me promise to never isolate myself from her again. She made it abundantly clear that I can always be open and honest with her and she'd never judge me. I made the promise, but I knew it would be hard to keep.

Wednesday had rolled around again and I had a completely free day. No classes, no homework and I wasn't due in work at all this week. From speaking to Marcus, it sounded like things got busier once the sports season really starts, which isn't until next week.

"Delivery for Miss Kent." Madison says in faux accent knocking on my bedroom door, coffee in hand.

"Ugh, I love you!" I say standing up from my place in bed and taking the iced drink from my roommate. I took a sip straight away and immediately felt like I could take on the day.

"What are your plans for today?" I ask Madison as we walk together from my room to the living room, each taking a seat on the couch.

"I have to get in the library today, how am I already behind? Actually, more importantly, who sets assignments on the first week?" She dramatically asks, eyes wide.

"Oh that's rough. My professors went easy on us." I say silently thanking the college gods.

"So what are your plans for today then?"

"I'm not really sure, I might take a walk around campus and maybe meet Kelsey when she breaks for lunch." I tell Madison my unofficial plans.

I wasn't sure what I'd spend my day doing but I knew I needed to do something, giving my mind downtime was dangerous. I didn't need to sit and think about everything, ever.

"Not seeing Paige?" Madison asks curiously and my head shoots in her direction but I try and play off my surprise.

"Um, no, why would I see Paige?" I lie.

I would love to see Paige today. I hadn't seen her properly since Sunday. I saw her on Monday when I'd popped into the office to meet with Marcus and we'd sneakily made out in an empty bathroom. And we'd briefly bumped into each other yesterday but she was with KK and I was with Kelsey so we kept it short. Maybe I'll message her and see if she's free.

"Oh I don't know, she only spent the whole day here on Sunday. In your room...with the door closed."

My cheeks flushed at the insinuation Madison was hinting at even though nothing like that happened between us. The most Paige I did was was kiss and OK, maybe I was in her lap and maybe I did get flustered and maybe I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her hands on my bare skin and her mouth on mine...

I'm texting Paige.

"We're just friends." I say matter-of-factly, standing up to go and find my phone.

"Uh huh," Madison pretended to agree, "sure you are."

Paige had finally asked for my number after days of using Instagram DMs as our only form of contact.

She had tried to save her contact as Buckets with a serious of drooling emojis but I overruled and we decided on Paige with a star emoji.

good morning p <3

good morning pretty girl

what are u doing today?

wanna hang?

miss me?

duh

ive got practice now but meet me after?

at like 11

i miss you too

ok see u soon 💋

I decided to take my time getting myself ready before meeting Paige. I took a hot shower and washed my hair using all my favourite products.

My phone was propped up on my vanity as i straightened my hair, Emma, my best friend from home, took up the entire screen as we were on FaceTime.

I caught Emma up on my first week at UConn, my account was explicit, there was nothing I couldn't say to my best friend. She begged for pictures of Paige but I didn't have any to send, "I'll take one today." I tell her as I begin applying my makeup.

I keep it natural with a skin tint, brow gel, mascara and of course lip liner, my one true love.

I bid farewell to Emma before hanging up, telling her I miss her dearly and she agrees that she has to come and visit me soon.

With my phone still in my hand, I decided to snap a picture and send it to Paige letting her know I'm ready.

I didn't expect one of Paiges usual quick responses considering she was at practice so I did the final touches to get myself ready before leaving.

Madison had called out a goodbye while I was on FaceTime so I left the empty apartment, locking the door behind me.

The walk to the training facilities wasn't far and took me less than fifteen minutes to reach. Even though I wasn't working today, I had my Staff ID badge around my neck to make it looked like I belonged there.

Walking into the building, I assumed I had arrived just after training had finished. The usual squeak of basketball shoes and balls was nowhere to be found. I made my way to the court peeking through the glass in the door seeing who was around.

My eyes landed on a lonely Paige, dribbling the ball before taking a shot. I couldn't see the basket but could only assume that UConns star girl had made it effortlessly.

I swung the door open and walked in, immediately grabbing Paiges attention. Her previous, serious expression softened as she looked at me, smiling now. We both took rushed steps across the court towards each other until we were face to face.

"Hello, pretty girl." Paige complemented wrapping me in a rather sweaty hug, I fake grimaced, "You're gross." I say trying to wriggle free but Paige is not only taller than me but stronger than me too, I was trapped. "You love my hugs." She protested still not letting me go, "Admit you love my hugs."

I did love Paiges hugs. They were so warm and comforting and I felt like nothing or no one could hurt me while I was bundled up in Paiges arms.

My lack of reply only makes the blonde girl hold me tighter, lifting me slightly off the ground, I let out a squeal, "Paige! Put me down!"

"Admit you love my sweaty hugs." She brings her mouth close to my ear to say that and the hairs rise on the back of my neck at the heat of her breath.

"I love your sweaty hugs." I admit in defeat as she lowers me down, my feet touching the floor once again.

"Thank you." She chirps pressing a quick kiss to my forehead.

"Where is everyone?" I ask looking around the empty room.

"In the locker room cleaning up." She nods her head over to a set of doors which I'm guessing leads to the locker rooms.

"Didn't feel like showering today?" I joke.

"Wanted to shoot around a little more, practice wasn't the best." She explains picking up the ball from where it had rolled to once she dropped it to hug me.

"I doubt that, Buckets." I smirk at Paige as she proves me right by sinking the cleanest three. She smirks back, "You want a go?"

I shake me head immediately, "No. No way." I say backing away from the basketball player.

She laughs and it echos around the court, "Come here, I'll help you." She insists beckoning me over.

"No Paige, I'll be terrible, I know I will." I remain adamant.

"You haven't even tried, have some faith in yourself. Now come here." The second half of her sentence is sterner than the first and the assertion of dominance catches me off guard.

"Yes ma'am." I mummble and walk back to Paige with slightly red cheeks.

"OK, stand here." Paige positions me on the free throw line, using her foot to push mine apart and using her hands to bend my arms in the way she wants. "Here." She hands the ball to me and I take if from her and she immediately giggles.

"What?" I huff, I knew I'd be terrible at this.

"You're so delicate with it." She smiles repositioning my hands on the ball, "Spread your fingers out more." I do as she says and she takes a step back as if admiring her work.

"OK, now shoot." She instructs and I do and it's terrible.

I throw the ball with all my strength and it flies out of my hands and smacks the backboard, missing the basket completely, before rebounding off and almost taking me out in the process. It acted more like a boomerang than a basketball.

Paige was quick to intercept the ball hurling towards me and caught it with one hand before tucking it under her arm.

She was trying her best to hold in a laugh as I just scowled at her and began to walk off.

"Hey, hey, hey." She called grabbing my arm before I could pass her, "That was a...good first attempt." She says leading me back to the same free throw line I'd just embarrassed myself on.

"Good? That's the exaggeration of the century!"

"One more go, I'll help." She hands me the ball again and I reluctantly take it, remembering to spread my fingers like last time.

Instead of standing back and watching, Paige steps behind me this time, her frame enveloping mine. We're so close I can feel her front pressed against my back, her hands cover mine over the ball and I wonder what we look like from an outside perspective.

Paige draws the ball back, my body moving in accordance with hers, before launching it forward and I watch in awe as the ball spins in the air before falling through the basket in a faultless swish.

"There you go baby!" Paige praises, her arms coming together around me, "That would've got you 1 point!" She says unwrapping herself from me, raising her hand for a high five.

I smack my hand to hers, even though that was entirely Paige, I was taking it as my bucket.

"And how many have you got?" I ask referring to points.

"Maybe like five thousand, career wide." She brags but I like it, Paiges confidence in her abilities is one of the most attractive things about her.

"I'm catching up." I tease picking up the ball once more and taking an unserious shot at the basket and to my surprise, I watch as it circles the rim before slipping through.

I snap my head towards Paige in shock, my mouth hung open, her expression mirroring mine.

"Sinking threes? OK Kent!" A familiar voice called out, it was Aubrey coming out of the locker room, a few of the girls following behind her.

"I try." I boast playfully, knowing it was a total fluke.

"Are y'all coming to grab lunch with us?" Ice called out, also emerging from the locker room.

I looked to Paige for her to answer, the girls were Paiges friends and I didn't want to ever feel like I was impending on their hang outs or make it too obvious that we had something going on.

"We actually have plans." Paige says and I raise my brows, did we?

"Cool! Catch you later." The team waved us goodbye as they all filtered off and out of the basketball court.

"What's these plans that we have then?" I ask Pagie once we're alone again.

"Oh, you know. Our usual."

Paige and I hadn't spent much time together in the few weeks we'd been acquainted and any time we were alone, the majority of it was spent with my mouth on hers and vice versa so I didn't know what our usual was.

I look quizzically at Paige, "Which is?"

"Well it requires a lot less distance between us," Say says returning the ball to its rack and walking over to me, "and hardly any talking." She finishes as she reaches me and dips her head slightly to kiss my lips.

I'm smiling as she pulls away, "Sounds like great plans."

"Give me ten minutes to shower and we can go back mine, seeing as the girls are out we'll have the place to ourselves." She tells me before jogging into the locker room.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #wcbb #wlw #lgbtq #fanfic #paige bueckers fanfiction #lovegalor333 #fresh start

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yuellii · 1 year ago

Text

baby, we’re the new romantics !

𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 some born-rich, noisy man falls for a completely normal ( maybe struggling ) woman

feat. childe, referred to as ajax

wc. 2.7k

note. gn reader, modern au, references a scene from I Love Yoo, this is a little birthday fic for one of my very best friends in the whole wide world : @vivinens !!

To put it bluntly, it sucked working at McDonald’s.

Other than the fast-paced environment and the tough remarks from rude customers, what arguably sucked the most was that he worked in the building just across the street. Literally just a few steps and you’d be at risk of seeing him.

It wasn’t that you hated Ajax ( okay, maybe you did a little ); he was a fun way to wind down in-between classes sometimes at university because of his loud personality. And, he was attractive to stand next to, you’ll give him that in addition to being a very understanding friend. But seeing him in the workplace is quite possibly the last thing you could ever want to ask for.

What made matters even worse was during your desperate job search last month, when you got a recruitment offer at the place he worked at. You thought it’d be some small thing like where generic college students worked, not some big multi-million firm in this massive building with workers walking around in suits and pencil skirts galore. And of course, when you met with the mean recruiting lady named Rosalyne for your interview, it was impossible not to spot Ajax at the corner of your eyes with a goofy smile on his face.

And when Ms. Rosalyne went back to scold him after your interview, it was more than obvious you were only here because he pushed your application.

How embarrassing.

“You can try again!” he said to you in good spirits in the university courtyard one week after. The two of you were sitting together as the sun was setting on campus, having both finished all your classes for the day. “They’re opening another clerical position soon since our current one is leaving, apply then!” And to you, he was acting all completely normal in his normal young-adult way, meanwhile you were trying to erase the image of him in a suit from your head.

You sighed, “I don’t think the high-class life of business is for me yet, Ajax.”

The roll of your eyes caused him to visibly deflate. Just how obsessed was he with the idea of you getting hired? “But I want you to work with you so baddd…!” he groaned, dramatically shoving his hands onto his face.Then he leaned back forward, slumping until his forehead came down to rest on your shoulder. Such an attention-grabbing act of depression—you almost came to entertain the idea, too.

“I don’t even have office clothes,” you scoffed, bumping him off your shoulder.

He yelped from the force of your push for a moment before he grabbed your arm, pulling it so harshly with such a force that had you clashing right onto his chest ( Yeah, friends, or something like that ). And even as you began to punch on his chest in protest, he just hugged you tight and whined, “I can buy you some! You’ll fit right in—and I get to see you every day at school and at work!”

Seeing him every day sounded like hell, you were so sure this man was insane.

“You are not buying me office clothes!” you denied, still trying to push yourself away.

“I can totally afford it, though!” he pouted. After he relaxed his grip around your body, you still found it too tough to escape his weird embrace. That’s your karma for being friends with the guy who goes to the gym in-between classes, you suppose. And after more struggling to set yourself free, you eventually gave up as the sunset reduced to silence.

That was when he squeezed you tight once more for a last makeshift hug, then planted an ambiguously-friendly kiss on your cheek as he said, “Let’s go get dinner now? I’ll drive.”

“Yeah, sure. Can we get chicken nuggets?”

He lifted both of your bodies up to your feet, watching as you collected your things off the seat before he led you by the hand to his car. “Pff, you always want nuggets,” he teased. “But yeah, I’m down—there’s a McDonald’s right next to my work, let’s go there while I try to convince you to apply at my job!”

And now you work at said McDonald’s.

You didn’t tell him, of course. Only that you “finally got a job,” so that he could finally stop trying to get you hired at his stuffy building space.

It was pretty busy in the morning when people in office attire would come in for a quick, cheap coffee. Lunch and dinner time was also busy as expected—it was one of the things that made you happy to be a cashier and not one of the cooks or drive-through people.

And the best part about this was that you never saw the uptight Ms. Recruiter Rosalyne here, nor Ajax himself. You knew for a fact that Ajax only went to McDonald’s when it was with you, as he preferred other fast foods, so even if his work was just right there, you really didn’t have to worry about accidentally seeing him. If you did… Well, that would probably be really embarrassing, wouldn’t it?

It was one o’clock in the afternoon, lunch rush.

People were rude, your coworkers were irritable, customers were in a rush—horrible, really, but also a normal day for you. Just smile and put on that customer service voice and it will soon be over. Plus, you got free chicken nuggets for your own lunch break before this.

It was not until you felt your phone vibrate in the pocket of your jeans. Well. It was not that common to get a text like that. Your family should know you’re at work; your friends, too. Just one peak—only one, just while the customer in front of you is still holding up the line while he decides what to order. Propping your phone up behind the register, you open it to check your lockscreen.

orange fuckwad: heyyy you want some mcds nuggets?!?!? ;)

Holy shit. Absolutely not.

“Can I order the uhhh…” Oh good lord you have to turn off your phone now. “Can I order the uhhh McLobster?”

“Sorry sir, the McLobster was discontinued five years ago.” You were about to blow your brains out.

“No I swear I just ordered it last week?”

Your eyes kept shifting to the door. And there, finally, in all his glory making your heart absolutely drop in fear, was Ajax coming through the door. And for you, too—to buy you a box of chicken nuggets. In any other case, you’d find it endearing ( and it still was! ) but in this instance you really wanted to die right now.

The customer suddenly raised an eyebrow at you when you shifted your body to the side, trying to use his body as a shield from the eyes of your friend. There was a second cashier next to you—hopefully Ajax will line up on their line instead of yours. And hopefully, you could use this crusty McDonald’s hat to hide your face.

“Hey!” your coworker suddenly called out to you. You looked towards their empty cashier line with a glimmer of hope for good news. “I’m going on my lunch!” Your face dropped. “I’ll see you in 30, yeah?”

No! Not yeah! But you couldn’t do anything but plead with your facial expression as they left to the backroom, leaving Ajax with no choice but to join your line. If you could blow up this whole building right now, God, you would.

Five customers until him, four customers until him, three, two, one—

“Woah!” The surprise on his face felt insulting. Actually, you still used the hat to hide your face as best as you could. It was failing at hiding your identity from him as expected, but at least it helped you obscure the view of his… physique. Him, with his… um, his black slacks and white collared shirt that was just a little too tight on him, and his grey blazer that was thrown over his shoulder. One button at the top unfastened, almost as if he loosened it just to breathe during his lunch break.

And his hair, if you didn’t want to meet his eyes then you were honestly staring there. Whose hair was usually messy and tousled, now slicked perfectly for once with gel, all in a proper yet still very Ajax-way. The sides were in place, meanwhile strands over his eyes and at the top of his hair remained loose in that messy way that still characterized him. God, you might just die from embarrassment and awkwardness right now.

“This is where you work?” he asked, incredulously.

“Good afternoon, sir. What can I get for you today?” you smiled. Please, please just go with it.

He looked surprised at your voice, especially since it was so fabricated and one he had not heard before. You just hoped he wouldn’t be a dumb prick to you today, just this once. “Oh, um…” Please, please. “One ten-piece chicken nugget, please.” Thank God.

“Would you like a drink with that?”

“Yes, one large soda, if that’s okay?”

“Will that be all?”

“Uh.” He looked confused. You just stared at him. “Yeah… Yeah, I think so.”

Then he swiped his card, you directed him to the side, and he left the line. With a lingering gaze, of course. He looked like a lost ( and maybe even a little hurt ) puppy after his order, and as much as this made you feel sad for him, you were just glad to get through with him as a customer without any complications. He’ll definitely be bothering you after this, anyways.

He pretty much watched you the entire time he waited for his food, eyeing you with a look of concern that did not belong on his usual expression. But you ignored him for your own betterment—you’d really just rather get through this rush hour of customers. And when his order number was finally called, he held the small bag with nuggets and his large soda with confusion. Oh, right. That food was probably bought for you.

You sent him a look and a head tilt that notioned ‘Just eat it’, and surprisingly, he got it. Ajax, with his pristine proper suit and blazer over his shoulder, sat down at a dirty barstool and ate his ten-piece chicken nuggets. He was still watching you, though; he glanced at you every few seconds while he was chewing. Minutes that felt so long passed, and you just hoped his lunch break would end soon so he could get back to his building.

“Hello again!” You almost jumped in place when you found him in front of you again, having finished his nuggets.

“Ajax,” you grumbled, trying to speak quietly. There was another customer coming to line up behind him. “I can’t talk during my shift.”

“Oh!” He looked at you in innocent surprise for a second, definitely not as depressed as earlier. “No, I was just gonna order.”

You wanted to die. “Didn’t you already…” Clearing your throat, you remembered there was another customer lined up behind him. Thank heavens the lunch rush was over already. Time to put on the customer service voice for him again. “What can I get for you?”

“A box of ten-piece chicken nuggets, please!” he smiled. “And a large soda!”

If you didn’t feel like killing him before, well you certainly did now. And guess what, he ate this order, too! Was he doing this out of spite now? Ordering nuggets and then eating them right in front of you? Because honestly, it was making you less hungry and more confused, if anything. This was definitely not what you expected—but then again, you fully anticipated he’d hold up the line just to talk to you. But no, suddenly he was a McDonald’s nugget fan?

The moment you get out of here, you’re going to twist his ear. Time passes again where you purposely avoid his gaze. So, so much time. Either his lunch break was just incredibly long, or time was just going so slow because he was here. You bet it was the latter.

And then, once again, you find him at the front of your line.

“Hello!” he smiled. He looks happy just to see you. “Can I get a ten-piece box of chicken nuggets?”

“And a large soda with that?” you asked, almost with a sigh.

He looks uneasy, standing to the tips of his toes for a moment. “No,” he drags out with hesitance. “Side of large fries, actually.”

Ooo, how different! It’s the most entertainment you could wish for in a day. And when you shoo him to the side this time, he has the biggest smile on his face. How unusual—in this situation, at least. Then when his order comes, he actually turns to leave this time. He walked to the glass doors with an innocent grin and a large McDonald’s bag in his hand, happily waving to you goodbye. Finally.

“You never told me you work at the McDonald’s right by me!”

He was there waiting for you when you walked out of your shift, packed up, ready to go home, and definitely smelling like grease. “Well aren’t you out early…” you sighed at him. “It’s only three in the afternoon.”

“I asked if I could leave so I could come see you sooner,” he frowned. Endearing, once again. And your heart may have skipped just a bit when he lifted up the last brown bag he bought. “I saved these for you. They’re not warm anymore but there’s fries, a soda, and fifteen nuggets… I, uh, couldn’t finish the second order.”

You nearly laughed out. “Why in the world did you order so much anyways?”

“So I could see you again,” he pouted.

He was still wearing his office attire, top button unfastened once again and blazer under his arm once you took the fast food bad again. You might’ve just had nuggets during your lunch break, and this food may be cold and soggy by now, but the thought of him buying it for you made it the best meal in the world. And, it was also the fact he left his own shift early just to see you. He could be nice at times; so nice, it almost comforted the fact he made you want to die earlier.

“You embarrassed me,” you tiredly sighed. The both of you were walking together to his car—how he knew you were dropped off here was beyond you.

“Sorry!” he sheepishly smiled. “I really didn’t think I’d see you there…” Which was understandable, sure, but did he really have to order that many McNuggets just to see you at the cashier stand? “But now that I know you work right next to me…”

“Ajax, no.”

“Oh come on!” He pouted with a considerably loud whine while the both of you crossed the street to his building. You figured he was likely parked behind it, wherever the employee parking was. It still felt a little weird to be in your McDonald’s uniform walking next to a big business building. “I get to see you every lunch break—doesn’t that sound so fun?”

“No not really.”

He groaned even louder again, slumping his shoulders as if he was not dressed like he was going to an office party right now. But then, in some sort of comforting silence, he aligned his arm over your shoulders. It was cute, honestly—how he would still do this despite the fact you smelled like pure grease right now ( and the fact you were trying to ignore the feeling of his arm muscles that were practically bursting through his sleeves ).

He eyed you a few times during this silent walk, watching as you stuffed your face with nuggets and fries. Holy God this tasted so good for some reason…?! You totally deserved this after your shift of rude customers and embarrassing moments—then your good friend Ajax brings you nuggets and fries right after. How romantic.

And speaking of your ‘friend’, he pulled you closer against him, arm practically swallowing your entire being over your shoulders. Not that you were complaining, though; you found his weird obsession with being near you all the time just a little bit cute. And besides, he drove you places, and he bought you chicken nuggets.

Who could not love a man that buys you chicken nuggets?

#childe x reader #ajax x reader #tartaglia x reader #childe x you #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #genshin fluff #genshin x gender neutral reader #childe x gender neutral reader

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elizabethwritesmen · 9 months ago

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The Devil Wears Lace

chapter 7 : November 1, 2024

pairing: simon “ghost” riley x reader

summary: a year has passed since you last saw simon and your mind has run wild with possibilities. they all grind to a halt, though, when you run into soap at the grocery store.

warnings: none in this chapter

series masterlist

November 1, 2024

Three months passed, then six, then a year. I still hadn’t seen Simon again. I tried not to fall into a depression, throwing myself into my education. I’d applied at law school after law school, but I’m embarrassed to admit I focused on those in the UK, thinking if I could manage to get there, I might find him. Maybe if I did, it would just be fate.

Shockingly, I made it into Cambridge with scholarships. I’d done well in undergrad, but I didn’t think I did THAT well. It was a blessing, though. I spent the year leading up to my first semester saving then got my things together and moved into a little rental house not far from campus.

I’d made it through a couple weeks of classes, and had even managed to make a couple friends. I called Sabrina a lot, though, just to catch up. It was hard adjusting to being without her, but we promised to visit each other when we could.

I was at the grocery store, stocking up on what I could afford. I was waitressing, but still struggling to make ends meet with rent and school costs. I was thankful I’d been saving money for so long and that I got grants and scholarships.

I had a basket full of stuff and was looking for a couple more things to add when I heard someone call my name. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking up to see Soap standing on the other end of the aisle.

My heart skipped a beat, and I moved toward him involuntarily.

“Soap,” I gasped, smile breaking out over my face.

“What’re you doing here, darlin’?” he asked me.

“Oh, I got accepted into the law school at Cambridge, and it was my best option so.. here I am.” I shrugged at the end, like it was obvious or something, and he gave the biggest smile I’d ever seen.

“Hey, can you look up an address for me?” he asked, and I nodded, grabbing my phone and opening Google. He ratted off some numbers and a street name and when I searched, it was a bar not far from the market we were at.

“Here you go,” I showed him and he nodded, grin widening.

“Can you do one more thing for me?” I nodded, waiting for him to continue. “Be at that bar tomorrow night around 10.”

I was taken aback by his request, and I stuttered, “U-uh, I guess I could but, I mean, do you think I should?”

“Of course you should.”

“Will he be there?”

“Yeah, I believe he will,” that smile was still plastered on his face but mine fell.

“I don’t know if he wants to see me, I mean, it’s been over a year. He’s probably forgotten all about me.”

“He hasn’t forgotten about you,” he shook his head as he assured me, but my skepticism still showed on my face, “We just got back from a deployment. It was long. He didn’t want to leave you hanging, he just didn’t have a choice. Trust me, he hasn’t forgotten about you and he wants to see you.”

I felt a paradigm shift and all the times If worried and stressed over him vanished. Of course he’d been deployed. I’d been freaking out for no reason for a year.

“I’ll be there,” I grinned, and he nodded victoriously, going to pay for his groceries and leaving.

#simon ghost x you #simon riley x reader smut #simon ghost riley x reader #simon x reader #simon riley #simon riley x you #simon riley smut #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #ghost x reader series #ghost x you #cod smut

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mrghostrat · 10 months ago

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i appreciate all the kindness for my uni rejection, and anyone going through the same thing should def read through my replies if they need similar comfort. there’s a lot of “ATAR isn’t everything!” comments tho, which made me realise i haven’t actually talked much about my goals, so i wanted to share a little context.

i’m 30 (on the 17th). i took a gap year after high school and i went to uni at 19. i even dropped out a semester before graduating to pursue the one thing that was making me happy (my first original comic) during a really bad depression (undiagnosed adhd burnout). i got the last units and graduated a year later, a bachelor of game design.

haven’t used my degree once. i went into comics and freelance rather than games. but i also loved that degree and would do it all again, it was absolutely worth it.

i’ve been freelance and self sufficient for 6-7 years, and it’s fun and i’m proud of the things i’ve made, but i’m so tired. i’m specifically tired of having to work 7 different angles to make up one sufficient salary, and even if it ends up being temporary, i’d give anything for a 9-5. have someone else in charge for once.

got to the end of my rope last year and sat down to figure out what i like and what i’m good at. a Life Plan, yknow. i’ve always had an interest in teaching, helping, connecting like that. figured out degrees and became really invested in this new trajectory i pictured my life going on. i was also tired of waiting, because every time i wanted to move back to the city from this tiny town we’re in, somethings come up or delayed it. so zita helped me figure out how we could get the ball rolling and break our lease 3 months early, so we could move back to melbourne and i could start my degree this year. we looked for (and found) an apartment specifically on the side of the city that would be closest to my campus.

i hope that gives a lil context as to why i’m so devastated right now. the last 5 months have been me revving up to start this new chapter at the end of feb and one little email said nah.

the degree i wanted to do was a double degree, secondary education (hons) and a BA of fine arts. i was equally excited for both, because i never got to do a lot of actual art learning in my last degree, and the BA would give me all of that— life drawing, sculpting, painting, wood/metal/jewellery working, digital, fuckin everything. but it was the less important of the pair, when it comes to getting myself a job as an art teacher, because i already have the art experience. it was just a fun bonus, and the education degree was the one i NEEDED.

in nov i had to travel to melbourne to present a portfolio and interview for the BA. they showed me around the studio too, and i fell a little bit in love. i got the acceptance email in december, but i still didn’t have an offer for the education degree. another reason why i’m so discombobulated— i technically have an invitation, but it’s for the less important degree that would just be a money sink. do i go to uni anyway?? or just ignore this invitation and move on?

my state recently made education/teaching degrees free as a way of encouraging more teacher jobs. i learnt about this after i decided i wanted to pursue teaching, so it was just a fun lil bonus that i wouldn’t be adding to my student debt. apparently not, bc i didn’t think about how every teenager and their dog would apply for teaching degrees so they could get straight into uni without any debt. so, even tho i’m a graduate and i’m not relying on school scores, i was one in a million, likely just numbers on a page, and didn’t get in.

there could be other paths. i could start the BA and add the Edu degree later? i could reapply for mid year intake. i could… idk, most of what i could do requires emailing Monash and asking wtf, because i have no idea what’s actually possible and will need someone to lay it out for me.

still feels like i’ve run into a brick wall though. little bit shut down. more sad, not quite angry, but suddenly really spiteful for some reason— like “oh, you don’t want me? okay fuck you then, i won’t ever teach.” so stupid. just a bit fragile rn

#ghost scribbles

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melanieph321 · 5 months ago

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Ruben Dias x Reader - Fix You Part 8/10

Part 9 and 10 are out on my Patreon!

Summary - Reader is hired as Ruben's assistant nurse after receiving head trauma during a football game. He has fallen into a deep depression on his road to recovery and does not accept much help from Reader as she only reminds him of how incapable he is.

Enjoy!

Your eyes widened as you caught a glimpse of the massive sphere that was the Etihad stadium. You weren't the biggest football fan, nor did you root for any particular team. However, what Ruben did for a living was undoubtedly a cool job. He took you to the Etihad campus and showed you around the grounds where players, male, female, young and grown, were running across the green fields. Ruben must've understandably missed this place after being forced to stay away for so long.

"Well, well, look who's back from the dead."

You were met by a cluster of players on your way through campus, people who smiled at the sight of Ruben, stopping to say hello, asking him how he was holding up.

"Is it happening, are you fit to train with us again?" Said a man with a cheeky smile. You recognized him from Ruben's birthday party.

"Nah, sorry Jack. I'm just showing my girl around campus." Ruben grabbed a hold of your hand, ushering you to step forward.

The man eyed you up and down, a large grin on his lips. "Whatever you do love, don't let Ruben here lure you into the gym. He'll convince you to work out for three hours straight. Trust me, I've been fooled once."

"Noted." You smiled. Ruben, however, blushed in anger, giving his friend a stern look.

"What? It's true." Jack shrugged. "Don't you remember that time you made me...."

"Is Frank around?" Ruben coughed.

"I think he's out back with the rest of the team, why?"

Ruben looked to you before answering that question. "We just need to talk, that's all."

"Alright. It was nice seeing you Rub's, we miss you around here, captain."

"I'll see you around Jack."

You and Ruben continued towards the main building. Ruben explained that this is where the first team played. It seemed like serious business just entering their training grounds. Ruben had you wait for him in the stands overlooking the football field. He went down to talk to two men who were not as happy as Jack to see him.

"No, it's not possible, Ruben. I will not risk it."

"Coach please, hear me out."

"No. I refuse!"

Ruben carried himself more stiffly, speaking to the two men. He was arguing for a cause judging by his mannerism and the way he was gesticulating with his arms. Nevertheless, the two men did not seem to give him any sympathy, especially not the bald one. He seemingly put an end to the conversation with a dismissive gesture, resulting in Ruben storming off the field back towards the stands.

"We're done here, let's go." He muttered.

"But I thought you said you'd show me...."

"Next time Y/N, let's fucking go!"

You jumped out of sheer surprise. Ruben had snapped at you, the first time doing so. You trembled to grab the hand that he offered you, not because he wanted to have you near, but because he wanted your exit from campus to be as quick as possible. You returned to the campus parking lot, to Ruben's car, which he drove home in silence.

Read full chapter and more on my Patreon!

#fanfiction #football imagine #footballer x reader #footballer imagine #ruben dias #man city #football angst #manchester city #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine

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pr3ttyp1nkvrse · 3 months ago

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my persistence journey whilst in school. i am living breathing proof that ur persistence is ur method .. 8.25

since may i had applied for housing through my school. it had a waitlist, if my number was not called or chosen i would be left with no housing, and unfortunately it is a lot to handle paying rent and expenses for school all at the same time, i am an out of state student to add insult to injury lol. i still applied, and enrolled in classes for the next semester though (current)

i told everyone how horrible i felt about being in school though due to going through a major loss in my family.

i began to wallow in my sadness.. becoming so depressed. when i say i had nothing, i had NOTHING. then one day it rained while i was at work, nasty muddy i was so annoyed i got rained on at work and then .. i am not joking, i saw a double rainbow.. i looked at all the small things i had for the simple fact the sight of the rainbow was so beautiful.

a job, runnin water, a bed to sleep in, a phone to call, amazing followers on tumblr that were in the same persisting phase as me..

i started living for these things. i put my heart into everything, i became so mentally well put together i was ready for the school year even in the summer i started being active on my blog and all …

but then

i never heard anything back from my school. all my friends were getting housing assignments left and right and little ole me was getting NADA.. no emails, no calls from the school. i then called my school and they told me basically, i needed 12k more to attend my school. mind you, no housing already, and they began to drop me from all my classes. this began to become a distraction within my journey. i thought back to my original thoughts of how i spoke not going back into existence by living in negativity, so i really let this situation take a bigger toll on me believing i was gonna find a solution.

but yk what else ? i began to type on this very blog. i told yall, and i told myself I HAVE EVERYTHING. even when i looked at 3D .. and didn’t see anything.. only obstacles. i began to think well … what DO i have to get me out of this?

i have my mind .. i have ME!!

i missed the first week of classes and decided, this will not be the year i quit at ANYTHING. especially my DREAMS!! why would i ? because i went through something? news flash WE ALL DO! ITS THE CYCLE OF LIFE.

i marched to my school that same week, little 2 hour flight. thinking, they gonna have to give me something not because i deserve it and want this but because I SAID SO. I SAID I CAN SO I WILL! i cleared my mind though.. i never one time thought of what it was gonna look like if this situation did not work out for me in the best way.

long story short. i went back and forth between multiple buildings for three hours for them to tell me what they told me from the start. but i wasn’t compromising with that story. i sat in the financial aid office, as the worker is infront of me checking everything imagining a miracle .. visualizing them handing me my keys.

and sure enough. he told me they made a mistake on their end this entire time, i recieved the best on campus housing assignment! and that’s not by my standards, i genuinely got the best place everyone hopes to get. i didn’t think of the large pool of students my school had, seeing as one person coulda easily filled my spot.

i learned that

1. the tongue is POWER.

2. when i have nothing, that’s not true, i have ME.

3. don’t just persist, don’t take no for an answer and RUN for what your after. don’t just ask or hope for it!

4. you don’t have to be the happiest person in the world, but it helps to be positive when all you have is your mind, body, and soul.

5. be strong. don’t give up .. even when i was in a situation where i had to sit out from classes, abruptly get up and travel but i STILL believed there had to be something for me .. no crumbs .. a full meal covered in aluminum foil that i simply had to wrap off.

you got this. and i am PROUD at how far we’ve come TOGETHER. the universe is working for them, me, you, us.

-biggest B, senior year <3

also.. thank you all for the reblogs. it’s not many, but i know my post are reaching some and that means the world to me. i hope i’ve impacted you all in some way. even if small.

#loa tumblr #loassumption #affirm and persist #manifestation #affirmations #assume and persist #dream girl #law of attraction #loa #dollblr #persistence

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whoslai · 2 years ago

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Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 1)

genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)

warnings: none?? reader has anxiety/social anxiety and a few insecurities here and here. major slice of life for you peeps

send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged! thank you to all my new followers, you guys are amazing for supporting me. please interact and give me as much feedback as you’d like (don’t be an ass tho, no need to spread negativity.

not proof read, sorry for any typos in advance.

word count: 3.3k

link to series masterlist or whatever

next chapter

Chapter 1: “Hey, lol.”

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Fall wasn’t your favorite season. From the stress of studying for finals to worrying about flight tickets back home when winter rolled around, you were never the biggest fan of the autumn months. With the combination of your busy schedule and your failure to get a refill on your anxiety medication, you felt immensely overwhelmed. Another thing to note was how lonely it got; Your family was across the country. Going to school in California was a conscious decision of yours, but you didn’t consider how tiresome it’d get not experiencing the warm embrace of a loved one in your times of need. To even take a trip back home would take you nearly 2 days, and that was simply not a risk you were willing to take with how dingy your car was.

Your Friday’s typically consisted of this: Breakfast at the café off campus, lectures from 9 am to 12 pm, lunch at 12:30 pm accompanied with a small break, occasional seminars for an hour or so, then you were done. You’d usually study for a little while, but there were no promises. Being a second year psych student had its pros and cons; Less free time throughout the weekdays but completely free weekends. Though the pros outweigh the cons, you could use a bit more time to yourself throughout the week. As you were far from home, you had to make completely new friends. The vibe in California was completely different. You spent the entirety of your first year in your dorm in online school due to your school’s strict precautions against the pandemic, so you’d be stripped of the chance of branching out. While you weren’t the only one who went through this, it was 10x harder for you to go back to normal; Social anxiety had been something you’d struggled with all your life. The fear you felt when in big crowds, when being assigned to group projects, even merely walking to your class on campus…really…sucked. Tasked with the responsibility of your own finances, health insurance was something you simply couldn’t afford. Therefore, you hadn’t been on your meds for God knows how long. But anyway, you wouldn’t stay on such a depressing topic.

Moving on, you had the weekend to yourself. You’d finished your last lecture around 2 pm and made your way back to your dorm. Fortunately, your roommate hadn’t made it back from her classes, so you had the space all to yourself. You locked the door behind you and took a breath of fresh air.

“Finally.” You sighed to yourself, plopping down onto your bed. Shoes were thrown about and you laid in your bed, indulging in the feeling of relief. But, as expected, it was cut short almost immediately.

Multiple knocks were sounded upon the door. It was nobody but Ningning, your lab partner in Abnormal Psych Stats 2. She was a sweet girl, she truly was. However, she always found a way to be overbearing. But you appreciate her as she was the only reason you ever left your room.

You slowly but surely got up to open the door, greeted by Ningning with a big smile.

“Y/N, were you lying down?” She asked, leaning against the door frame.

“I was, but now I’m up. Come, come.” You told her, moving out of the way so she could come in.

She walked in, closing the door behind her and sat on your bed as you spruced up your desk.

You glanced over at her, noticing that she was biting her lip and she only ever did that when she was holding back from saying something.

“Oh God, what is it?” You groaned, knowing she was about to say something outlandish.

She smiled and sat up, “Okay, don’t be mad but I booked us two tickets at this restaurant over in Malibu. Yes, I know it’s a long drive BUT…it’s worth it. Please tell me you’ll come with me, pleaseeeee…”

You sighed, rubbing your jaw, “I can’t.” Her smile faded, turning into a frown, “I don’t have the funds for that. I just planned on grabbing a meal from the dining hall…I’m trying to save up for a plane ticket.”

She shook her head, “Don’t worry about the costs, I’ll pay, it’ll be my treat. I wasn’t in town on your birthday and I want to make up for my absence. As your best, and ONLY friend, it’s my job to treat you. So, what do you say?”

You sighed to yourself, again. You hadn’t planned on doing anything tonight. You really were looking forward to having some down time to just relax and catch up on some shows. You also weren’t the type to depend on someone to pay for your meal, but one time wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Alright. Fine. When?” You asked her, stacking papers atop of each other.

“Today, tonight, let’s leave before 6 pm since our reservation is at 8:00.” She said, “I figured we could stay the night? If we left by 6 and got there at 7:30 ish, we could check into our reservation and stay at a nearby hotel. It’d be nice to take a break and be on our own for a while.”

You nodded, ‘That sounds nice…but costly? Where’s all this money coming from, Ningning?”

She smiled, “Let’s just say…my job is treating me well. Now, pack a bag, be ready by 5.” She hurried up and kissed your cheek as she made her way out of your room, closing the door behind you.

So, a trip. A mini girls trip for a night. You were excited, actually. It’s been a while since you had a chance to take a break. You’ve never been to Malibu either. This should be fun.

Later on, you finished packing a small bag with a few essentials. You changed into an outfit you thought fit the Malibu vibe: A black halter top with beige flowy pants and matching back sandals. You clipped a mango-ish colored flower into your hair after you slicked it back into a ponytail and grabbed your bag. You touched yourself up a bit before walking out of your dorm and made your way down the hall. You knocked on Ningning’s dorm and waited for her to open it.

Once she did, she met you with a smile and walked out with her bag, locking the door behind her. “You look so cute, Y/N. We’re going to have so much fun, trust me.”

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You two soon made it to the restaurant with not a lot of time to spare as it was 8:00 on the dot. Ningning quickly found a parking spot and you both agreed to find a hotel after you ate.

From the outside looking in, the restaurant was beautiful. It was right beside a beach with a beautiful view of the ocean; Moonshadows Malibu was its name, it truly was something you thought you’d never see in real life. As you two made your way inside, you were hit by the aroma of vanilla and solemn music, only adding to the overall dreamy vibe. A pretty lady at the front greeted you both with a wide smile. She held up two shell necklaces, “Would you ladies like a necklace?” Ningning looked at you before quickly nodding, holding her hands out to grab them. She gave you one as she slipped hers on her head and you followed after her, placing the necklace around your neck.

“We reserved a seat for two?” Ningning remarked towards the lady.

The girl nodded, “What’s the name?”

“Ning Yi Zhuo..” Nigning replied, nodding.

The girl nodded, “Okay, follow me.” She showed you both to the deck of the restaurant, seated outside right above the sand and beside the ocean. You were in awe at how beautiful the sunset was. Ningning thanked the girl as she placed down menus and told you both that your waiter would be over soon.

“It’s so pretty in Malibu…” You sighed, looking at the ocean.

“I grew up right next door to Malibu, actually. I always enjoyed coming here on vacation, such a nice place. Anyway,” She laughed, “What are you getting to drink? I brought my fake just in case…”

You smiled, shaking your head, “I don’t drink, Ningning. You’re always pressuring me to drink.”

She scoffed, “Peer pressure? I’d never!”

You rolled your eyes, “Sure. I’ll probably just get water, I’m trying to be healthier.”

“Aw, okay. I love that for you, but I’m still going to get a Pina Colada.” She sighed, pretending to jut her lip out at you.

You shook your head and looked down at your menu, suddenly feeling your heart dropping. The prices were high! The cheapest thing you saw was $20!

“Jesus, Ningning! These prices are literally so unrealistic.” You told her.

She shrugged, “You pay for the quality, not quantity. They honestly have some of the best food in Malibu, trust me. How about we both share an appetizer and then worry about the entrees later? Sounds good?”

“Okay, well, at least I'll pay for your gas. Deal?” You asked.

“Oh hell yeah, you can definitely pay for my gas.” She nodded to herself.

You closed your menu and took your phone out, capturing some photos of the ocean for later. You wanted to savor the moment. As the sun began to dip below the horizon, casting a warm golden glow over the beach, the waves lapped gently against the shore. The sky was painted in shades of pink and orange, while the clouds seemed to catch fire with the last rays of daylight. A few seagulls flew overhead, their silhouettes dark against the vibrant sky. The air was filled with the salty scent of the sea and the distant sound of laughter and music. It was a moment of peace and beauty that seemed to suspend time, as if the world had paused to take in the breathtaking scene before it.

Only, your attention was stricken as you heard Ningning whisper something. You looked back at her and her eyes were wide and signaling to the side of you; A waiter. Your heart skipped a beat as he drew closer, his smile dazzling and his eyes sparkling. He was even more handsome up close, with strong, chiseled features and a confident demeanor. You felt a sudden burst of nervous energy, unsure of how to act in the presence of such beauty. His voice was smooth and charming as he greeted you both. You felt an immense struggle to keep your composure. It was clear that he had an effect on you, and you simply couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way.

“Evening, ladies…” The young man greeted you both, “Can I get you guys started with anything to drink?”

Ningning eagerly nodded, “You most certainly can…Y/N?” Hearing your name snapped you out of your mini trance and you looked at her in confusion. She widened her eyes at you, signaling for you to talk.

“I’ll just get some water for now.” You told him, clearing your throat.

He nodded, “Water it is…” A small smile crept on his face as he glanced back up at you and playfully remarked, “But I’ve got a feeling you might want something a little stronger later on.”

You couldn't help but feel a bit flustered by his comment, but you managed to laugh it off. "We'll see about that," you replied, trying to hide your growing attraction to him. Ningning, on the other hand, was not as subtle.

"Oh, I think we definitely will," she said with a grin, winking at the waiter. You shot her a look, but she just shrugged innocently, “I’d like a Piña Colada, extra coconut.”

The waiter chuckled, clearly enjoying the attention. "I'll keep that in mind," he said before taking your orders and walking away. Ningning leaned in, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"He's cute, isn't he?" she whispered.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't deny that she was right. "Yeah, he is," you admitted, feeling a flush rise to your cheeks.

“He was soooo flirting with you, Y/N.” She laughed, “It’s time you got some action, anyway. 19 and still a virgin? Unheard of.” You shook your head, trying to brush off her comment. But deep down, you couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to it. You couldn't wait to see what the rest of the night had in store.

As the night progressed, you and Ningning chatted about a multitude of topics. Life, college, boys, parties, homework, etc. You were glad you went out with her, it was just the breath of fresh air you had been needing these past few weeks.

Oh, and of course, you’d stolen some glances at the waiter. When he brought back your drinks, he made sure to place yours down first even though Ningning was obviously positioned in front of your water.

One thing he did that made his interest almost completely obvious was when he leaned down on the table to speak to you when you knew he could hear you just fine as he was merely a few inches away. You wouldn’t say you were flirting back. Although Ningning was urging you to do so, flirting wasn’t something you were familiar with. Why would a guy flirt with you of all people? Especially as your much prettier friend sat across from you. For all you knew, he simply could have wanted a nice tip. You wouldn’t entertain him much, you came to get a break from campus, not to find a fling.

Ningning turned her attention back to you when he walked away to retrieve you both some refills, “He wants you.”

You didn’t respond to her comment, choosing to turn your attention to the last sushi roll instead. You rinsed it down with the last morsel of your water, sighing internally when he came back.

“One filet mignon for Ms. Lily,” He said, placing down your food, “And a scottish Salad for-”

“Lily?” Ningning laughed, confused at the name he referred to you as.

He looked up at her as he placed her food down, “Lily Flower, in your hair,” He glanced up at you, “It’s cute, by the way.”

You awkwardly nodded, “Thanks…”

He smiled and rubbed his hands together, “Well, I’ll be around. Call me if you guys need anything. I hope you enjoy your food.”

“Will do.” Ningning said, “One thing before you go…” He nodded in acknowledgment, licking his lips. “You single?”

The waiter chuckled, clearly amused by Ningning's boldness. "I am, actually," he replied, his eyes flickering over to you for a moment.

Ningning grinned. "Good to know," she said, winking at him. "We'll keep that in mind."

As he walked away, you couldn't help but feel a little jealous of your friend's flirtatiousness. But deep down, you knew that there was something between you and the waiter, something that went beyond just a passing attraction.

As you ate your meal, you found yourself stealing glances at him, meeting your eyes with his own whenever he walked by, feeling a rush of excitement every time he flashed you a smile. Finally, as the meal came to a close, he brought over the bill and once again flashed you a charming grin. "I hope you enjoyed everything," he said, his eyes sparkling. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a little shy under his gaze.

"It was great, thank you," you replied, trying to sound casual, knowing damn well that you were nearly shitting your pants under his intense gaze.

He nodded, walking away to leave you both to the bill. Ningning shook her head, “If you don’t write your number down on this bill, I’m genuinely never taking you out ever again. This is a threat.”

You couldn't help but laugh at Ningning's threat, feeling a little embarrassed at how obvious your attraction to the waiter had been. But she was right, you knew that you couldn't let this opportunity slip away. As you saw the waiter returning to take the bill, you nervously scribbled down your phone number onto a small napkin, placing it beside the bill. You hoped that he wouldn't notice until you left as you didn’t want to make anything awkward. As he collected the bill, you tried to act casual, but your heart was racing with anticipation. You watched as he glanced down at the paper with your phone number on it, and you couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he interested in you too? Or was this just wishful thinking on your part?

“Thank you ladies, have a nice night.” He said as you both got up. Ningning nudged you to say something but you urged her out of the restaurant, wanting to abort immediately. However, just before you walked out of the door, you looked back at him once more. You saw that he tucked the paper into his pocket without a word, but then he glanced back at you with a small smile, and you felt a surge of hope. Maybe there was something there after all.

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You two made your way into town with the windows down, allowing the breeze to brush through as you listened to the radio. You pointed out a nearby hotel that looked nice, actually. Pool, multiple floors, adequate priced rooms. It wouldn’t hurt to stay for one night in a nice hotel, afterall, you only live once.

Ningning found a parking spot and you helped her carry her bag in as she made her way to the front to pay for the room. She made small talk in the elevator but you truthfully found yourself checking your phone to see if he had texted. It was already late, nearing 1 am. Surely the restaurant wasn’t open this late. Maybe he only smiled at you out of courtesy, afterall, Ningning had left a nice tip.

As you entered the hotel room, you couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that you hadn't heard from the waiter. Maybe it was a mistake to put yourself out there like that, to give him your number so readily. Maybe he wasn't interested after all.

Ningning caught the look on your face and immediately knew what was going on. "Hey, don't worry about it," she said, giving you a comforting pat on the back. "Maybe he's just busy or something. You'll hear from him soon enough."

You nodded, trying to shake off your disappointment. "Yeah, you're right," you said, forcing a smile. "Let's just enjoy the night." Ningning nodded in agreement, and the two of you settled in for the night, enjoying the comfortable beds and the peace and quiet of the hotel room.

But as you lay in bed, your mind kept wandering back to the waiter. Amidst all of the doubt you held within your mind, you couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, where he was, and if he was thinking about you too. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but you couldn't help but feel like there was something there, something that was worth pursuing.

As you placed your phone down on the nightstand beside you, it vibrated. Your heart dropped, surely…a family member wasn’t texting you at 3 in the morning, right? You took a deep breath, glancing to your side to see Ningning asleep. You reached for your phone, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness as you saw the notification; An unsaved number. Your heart leapt in your chest as you opened the message, feeling a rush of relief and joy when you saw the text.

+1 424-936-2945: “Hey, lol.”

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authors note: i hope you guys liked this first part of my ongoing series. i was kinda writing outta my ass. i got this out sooner than i thought i would so, yeah! anyway, let me know how you guys liked it and feel free to send in any thoughts you have. i hope to write this series in you guyses vision, not my own. reblog, likes, and comments are all appreciated haha. lmk if u wanna be tagged in the next chapter.

@voidbeomgyu

#enhypen smut #enhypen #enhypen ff #lee heeseung smut #heeseung smut #heeseung fluff #heeseung angst #heeseung ff #enha #heeseung x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagine

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just-some-random-blogger · 4 months ago

Text

Less Dire Situations | 3

Part 1 2

Peter liked you the moment he met you after moving in with his Aunt May. Unfortunately, he never got the guts to talk to you. The idea disappeared after grade school and high school graduation, so you can imagine how surprised he was when you answered his ad for Advanced Calculus tutoring. It felt like he could actually get a shot with you… and then you jumped off the Manhattan Bridge.

Peter Parker x Reader | 5k+ | cw: fem!reader, DD:DNE, suicidal thoughts/ideation, suicide attempt, themes of depression, social withdrawing, emotional masking, canon divergence, angst, hurt, typos, etc.

A/N: this is originally posted on ao3

Peter watches you as you finish the last of your meal. He nods as you conclude what you had to say about the latest show you watched.

You two stand and head to the door, minding Julia as you do. His heart tightens when you smile at the older woman. Your smile looked so bright, the lines by your eyes and cheeks added to it. Julia blows you a kiss in return. Peter says his own goodbye after.

Once you're outside the establishment, Peter takes your arm and leads you out of the way of the walking pedestrians. You walk close to him, body brushing against his chest. You both stand by the edge of the pavement, Peter speaks over the sound of the street, "you heading to campus?"

He watches as you smile and shake your head, "nope. I have some a project waiting for me at home."

He is half relieved to hear you meant to meet him, meet Spiderman. Or at least he hopes that's what you meant.

"Is it the hero project thing for Ms. V?" Peter asks.

"Actually, yes," you nod, "I woke up in a cold sweat thinking about it," you look away and shrug, mumbling, "amongst other things."

Peter doesn't know if that was a whole truth. He rubs your arm that he held, "let me walk you."

You look back at him, brows knit as you shake your head, "sir, campus is out of the way to my dorm."

"I don't mind," he releases his hold, "I want to hang out with you some more."

You chuckle and grin. You reach out to pinch his cheeks, "you're so sweet."

His heart hammers as you get close enough for him to smell the pancake syrup still on you.

"I don't wanna tire you, Parker," you pull away. You shove your hands in your pocket. For a moment, the mask, your smile, slips off. There is an exhaustion in your eyes that lingers for a prolonged second, and the speed in which you make it disappears haunts him. You say, "you should get proper hangouts instead of lousy walks."

Before it registers, he clutches your shoulders and shakes his head, "I'll take a thousand lousy walks if they're with you."

You gasp under your breath, hands coming to his arms out of instinct. You slightly lose balance as you look up at him. He can feel your pulse quicken.

Peter doesn't spare another moment. He drapes an arm over your shoulder and walks you both to the direction of your dorm. He acts like what he just did wasn't as intimate as it was. He points to a random building and says he bought an ice cream popsicles there once.

He knows it's the impending doom dangling upon your soul that makes him want to act and speak out. He knows it's why the urge to kiss you as after you bring an arm around his torso was so great. Never having a chance because you were dead was ten times more terrifying than being rejected, but of course, he wouldn't just force himself on you.

He finally withdraws when you get to your building. His hands can't help but brush against your shoulder as he does so though.

You stiffen. He notices. He clears his throat and looks around aimlessly, rambling about getting to class.

Peter walks away. You watch as he does so.

"Man, about damn time Parker made a move," he hears the guard, Arnel, speak under his breath.

If it wasn't obvious, Peter didn't actually have a class to attend, and even if he did, he would've gladly missed it to check up on you.

He changes into his suit and swings up your building, intent to wait there, though it was still pretty early.

He starts when you loudly open the door to the rooftop. In equal measure, you start when you hear his shocked curses.

He is bewildered by the state of you. A total 180 of what you were just moment ago.

"You're early," you mutter weakly, wiping your nose. You held a notebook in that hand. Your eyes were red and your cheeks were wet.

Peter flings himself over to you with a web. He lands in front of you and grabs your cheeks, "what's wrong, baby?"

You look at him and dryly chuckle through a sob. Your voice cracks as you say, "I am acting like a baby, huh?"

"That's not what I mea-"

"I know," you sniffle, "... but if you keep this up, I might fall for you."

He doesn't laugh at the joke. He wipes your tears away, "you already have," he pulls away and raises two fingers, "twice."

You release a soft chuckle. You sniffle and wipe your philtrum. You walk past him, "touché, Spoods."

His expression softens under his mask.

Spiderman trails after you as you head towards the ledge and flip through your notebook. He comes to your side as you place the object there and turn to him.

"I lied to Peter," you mumble.

Peter stares at you.

"I told him I was alright, but... ... I can tell he doesn't believe me anymore."

He takes a moment before responding, "is that why you're crying?"

You press your hands on your notebook, "... maybe? ... I just started crying when I got back," you look down and rub the paper underneath your hands.

He glances down and vaguely catches the doodles hidden behind your palms.

"I think I'm poisoning him."

Spiderman looks back at you.

"It makes me want to chug bleach."

"No, don't do that," he raises a finger.

You at him, eyes glazed with tears. It crushes his heart, so much so his insides scream to reveal just why he's so confident in what Peter thinks. He silently debates unmasking himself.

"I won't," you shake your head, "don't want to haunt the dorm."

He's about to say something but he doesn't when you point at your notebook. His attention is diverted.

"You're my hero."

Peter's heart skips. He sees a bunch of sketches of him, of Spiderman-- of him tugging his mask, of the back of his suit... of him swinging on the Manhattan Bridge. His heart threatens to burst.

"I have this... project... it's called A Study On Heroes..." you slowly turn to him, "I... I wasn't planning on doing it because... well, you know why. And... well... I was thinking since-" your shiver as you sigh.

Spiderman doesn't hesitate. He takes your hand and squeezes it. In this suit, he had the guts to do such things. He tells himself he'll learn to do it without the safety of his anonymity.

You squeeze his hand back but turn away from him, "since you-" your voice is wobbly, "you said you wanted to help, and I don't want to be a bystander... maybe this could be a reason to-" you choke "- to live."

He pulls you into a tight hug. He repeatedly kisses the crown of your head through his mask.

Before he could tell himself he went over the line, his throat tightens at the feel of you returning the embrace.

You wail into his chest. You dig your nails into his spine. The sound of you was gut wrenching; your cries were exasperated, hurt, and relieved, as if you had been waiting to be embraced.

Fuck, maybe you were.

He feels his eyes water.

You stay like this for a long while, neither of you loosening your hold.

Peter strokes your hair, "whatever you need... you got it, my love."

Eventually, you calm down. He waits for you to pull away because there was no way he was going to be the first to do so.

You press your cheek against his chest and sniffle thickly, "I..." you mutter through clogged sinuses, "I want you to be my study, if it wasn't clear... for my project."

"I'll be your study, sweetheart," he brushes your shoulder, "I'll be whatever you want."

You lightly scratch at his back.

"I'll do live modeling for you. I'll do an interview. Anything. And guess what, I won't even charge you."

You chuckle then sniffle again.

He squeezes your shoulder, "I'll catch you, sad girl... just jump into me."

Your lips wobble. You sob as you retort, "thank you, Spider-Man."

I stand in front of a mirror, gawking at myself. Beyond my tear stained cheeks and my blood-shot eyes, there was a hollowness staring back at me. I looked vile. I looked wretched. I looked irredeemable.

This is what Spiderman saw when he looked at me? A lost cause? A pathetic joke of a woman?

This must be why he was so hesitant to leave me. This must be why he asked me 10 times if I would be alright by myself before swinging away.

I feel so guilty. I feel so sick for spilling out the darkness on the lap of someone so bright. What if I dim him out? What if he gets scared of me?

I force myself to suck air through my nose. It's painful. I walk towards my bathroom and splash my face repeatedly with water.

I hear a text notification.

I drag myself into my bed and collapse.

I hear a text notification.

I groan and roll, reaching out for the phone laid atop my bed side table. My brows quirk when I see it's a message from May Jameson.

Hello. This is Peter's auntie, May. He's not answering his phone and I have been meaning to speak with you. He mentioned having breakfast with you, and I was in the area. I am at your building's entrance.

I push myself up from my bed, panic and dread causing my spine to straighten unnaturally. Why was she here?

The next moment, I receive a call from her.

"Fuck, shit, fuck, FUCK-" I drop my phone and wipe my face. I clear my throat a couple times before answering. My voice still cracks when I say, "hello."

May Jameson's voice is as jovial as it was the few times I've met her. She says my name and tells me the same thing that she did in her messages.

"P-eter's not here," I lean into my hand, "he's, uh, he's at uni- I, uh, yeah... We had breakfast but he left."

"Oh, that's fine, dear," she says, "I was hoping he'd be here, but, oh well. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"... m-okay-"

"Peter mentioned that you do commission work. I was wondering if you would consider doing something for me."

I sigh deeply. "Oh... what kind of work is it?"

"Well, it's a poster. I actually have one with me right now. I'd appreciate it a ton of you'd be willing to look at it for me."

I stand from my bed and walk towards my mirror. I look shit. There's no way this isn't apparent. Fuck, what am I going to do?

"... Oh, gee... am I bothering you?"

"No! No," I shake my head and head to the door, "... I-" I grab a beanie and put it on, covering my face as much as I can without obstructing my vision fully, "- I'll go downstairs right now."

"Oh! Thank you. That would be wonderful."

By the time I get downstairs, May and Arnel were knee-deep into conversation.

She perks when she sees me, smiles, and waves. When I come over, she reaches out for a hug and so I hug her. It was awkward, but it seems only for me.

She strokes my hair, "how are you, my dear?"

"Mmm... good," I chuckle nervously as I pull away.

She rubs my shoulders and hands me a bag, "it's probably a bit cold now, but I figured I should sweeten the deal with some lunch."

I hesitantly take the lunch bag from her, not wanting to look at her and draw attention to my face. If she noticed anything, she definitely didn't say a word about it. I stare at the lunch bag instead and slowly feel uncomfortable when I realize just how... personal this was. She made this for me.

"Here's the poster we have."

I look the printed poster she unfolded.

"I tried my best on the computer, but it doesn't really look very compelling."

I examine the text, the Impact font, the odd cut off of the description, the colors.

"Volunteer?"

"Oh, it's for a senior home," she explains, "the place is government ran and lately, it's been falling short with it's facilities. It takes months for the city to actually do anything for it, and so the folks there have been relying on volunteers and donations."

I release a breath. Our government fails us again. I slowly nod, "can I take this poster?"

"Please."

"I'll do the commission and have it sent to Peter by the end of the day."

"Oh," she perks, "sweetheart, that's great, but there's really no rush."

"No, no, it's fine," I offer a smile, "and I'll only charge you lunch for it," I raise the bag she gave me.

"No, no, no," May raises a finger, "I'll pay you your rate."

I shake my head, "I want to help. Consider this my volunteer work."

"Oh, thank you," she pouts, "you know, one of the seniors is having a birthday party tomorrow. You should come. We'll have cake!"

I chuckle at her exclamation.

"And why not take pictures of the geris?" She gasps in realization, "you can put them of the poster!"

Rather reluctantly, I find myself saying, "actually... that would be a good idea," but I don't really want to go outside...

"Great! Tomorrow then. I'll text you the details."

Before I can even say a word, she's waving me and Arnel the doorman goodbye.

May walks down the street and smiles when she spots Peter.

Peter straightens up when he sees his aunt. She immediately tells him the mission was a success. Peter breathes a sigh of relief, but tenses when he hears that his best friend had been crying.

"I'm glad you caught on to her," his aunt says.

Peter sighs deeply, "thank you for helping me, May."

She shakes her head, "I'm glad you're helping her."

He nods and hugs her.

I nervously chew on my lip as I glance at my phone, back up to the building down the block. The street was a bit filthy and I felt rather agitated over the idea of going there.

I shove my hands and phone into my pockets and walk down the street anyway. I clutch my satchel bag tightly once I stop at the entrance of a chain fenced property.

I pace around the front gate and pull out my phone. I scroll through my contacts, debating on calling either May or Peter. I settle for the latter and check my perimeter.

I tense when I hear a voice call out to me.

A middle aged woman in scrubs steps out of the front door, "can I help you?"

"Uh-" I shove my phone in my pocket, "I'm... I'm here to visit the senior home... I, uh... I'm working with May Jameson-"

"Oh!" she perks and walks towards the gate. She says my name and I nervously chuckle, telling her, that was indeed me.

She unlocks the gate and I thank her as I step in.

"I thought you would be coming in with her boy," she closes the gate, "he takes the back door to go inside."

"Oh."

"I'm Rhonda," she smiles, reaching a hand out for me, "nice to meet you."

I shake her hand. She and I walk inside.

"If any of the seniors offer you a drink, say no, unless you want to black out and wake up with the worse hangover of your life."

My mouth falls open but I do not get to respond. The moment we reach the main room, the bustle of what was clearly a party overpowered my senses. It was rather a stark contrast from the setting. As much as the dingy outside matches the beige walls and the dated furniture, both felt out of place with the elderly men dancing around with boa feathers, geometric glasses, and party hats to country music. There were two women on wheelchairs loudly cursing each other out as they played cards. There were a bunch of people huddled by the food table, and the moment they spotted Rhonda, they immediately pulled away and dispersed.

"HEY!" Rhonda catches them nevertheless, "now I know you did NOT spike my agua fresca!"

The 2 men and 3 women cackle and fast-walk away from the scene.

Instead of chasing after any of them, Rhonda glances around the room and screams out a name, "Pamela Amalia Flynn Mosby!"

The old woman sat in a reclining chair reading the newspaper looks up, "what?"

"Oh, don't you act innocent-" Rhonda walks over to her, promptly leaving me forgotten where I stood.

"Hey kid."

I turn to my side and see an bald man with wrinkled skin holding a box of juice.

"You want some?"

I shift in my spot and chuckle apprehensively, "I was told not to accept drinks if I didn't want to black out."

"Nah, that's only if you drink Pam's spiked punch," he nods his head.

I turn to where he motioned and vaguely hear Rhonda ask where she got her alcohol this time.

"My secrets are my own, kid," Pamela crosses her arms, making Rhonda sigh in frustration.

"You killjoys are killing my vibe," one of the dancing men tells them, moving towards the speaker, cranking the volume louder.

"Oh!" a voice says from behind, "you're here!"

I turn and see May, walking in with a box of cake.

"Cake is here!" the old man beside me calls, making the room break into a cheer.

A buff man walks in after May. He smiles at me and I awkwardly smile back. He has some pizza boxes in his hand and follows after May who places her own box on the food table.

May mutters something to him and then turns to me, smiling. All the seniors flock to the food table as May approaches me.

"Thank you so much for coming," she says before giving me a hug.

I don't have the opportunity to hug her back as she's already pulling away. She points, "that's Jerry, one of the employees here. That's Rhonda, and then there's Tammy, and Bianca."

I turn to each of the people she mentions and nod, "Rhonda let me in."

"Tell her she can accept my juice box," the same voice from a while ago speaks.

I look to my right and see that the same bald man.

May chuckles and shakes her head, "did Rhonda tell you about Pam's juice?"

I make a face.

"Well, if you want some juice, feel free to get some from the birthday boy," May says, prompting me to turn to the man still offering me the juice.

I chuckle nervously. It feels like I have no other choice but to accept it at this point, "thank you..." I take the juice and place it in my bag, "and happy birthday."

He sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry, "82 is overrated. Not as overrated as being whatever age you are though, kid."

I laugh at that.

He sighs and presses a hand on his chest, "she laughs! For a second there, I thought you were going to hang yourself with your bag."

"Rodney!" May scolds.

"What? The kid looked uncomfortable. But I mean, I don't blame her. I hate it here."

May shakes her head in disapproval, "I'll go get you some cake."

"One for me too," Rodney raises a finger.

"Actually, May, I'm good. I'll think I should start taking pictures," I pull out the camera in my bag. It was Peter's, actually. I had yet to return it after borrowing it for my last project. "Is Peter coming soon?" I ask.

"Oh," May says with an annoyed lilt, "he said he'd run a late because he's finishing something for a project."

"Ah," I set my camera and prepare to take a photo.

May walks off to get some cake.

Rodney shifts in his spot, "try not to make my portrait look like my burial image."

I bite my lip but cannot contain my snort. I snap a photo of him and pull the camera away. I show him the image I took.

"Ha. Not bad for a drawer," he says.

I knit my brows.

He looks at me like I was dumb then motions, "you know, cause you draw."

"Oh," I snort and shake my head. I chuckle, "animator."

"Pah," he waves me off, "drawer's more astute. I don't think you can animate the dead anytime soon," Rodney motions, "so, how'd a drawer become friends with a nerd?"

I hang my camera on my shoulders, "you mean Peter."

"Of course I mean Peter, you're using his camera."

I look down at the camera.

"I scratched the side."

I look back at him, "that was you?"

He shrugs, "I didn't know it cost that much. The kid left it lying around anywhere he could put it."

I chuckle. That did sound like Peter. "He was my math tutor."

"Ha. Makes sense ."

I press my lips into a smile, "but we also were classmates in highschool. I didn't realize that until he told me though."

"No kidding."

"Yeah. He was so sweet about it too. I felt horrible."

"I'm sure he knew it was nothing personal. Some people are just forgetful."

"Here you go, Rodney," May comes back with two plates of cake. Rodney takes one and May hands me the other.

"No, " I shake my head and step back, "I'll, uh, take some photos first."

May pouts, "you sure?"

I nod and step away.

For a few minutes, I go around taking photos of everyone. A lot of the seniors, once they realize they're being photographed, would pose for me. I would laugh each time, as they all seemed so happy. At some point I went off to the side and checked my photos. I had a lot of good shots, and there was more than enough content for the poster.

"Jaz, turn that up!"

I look around the room and see that everyone was now watching TV.

My lips part when I see news coverage of Spiderman saving someone from a burning building. I gasp with the rest of them when an explosion plays on screen.

"... He was able to save 7 year old, Kareem Mustafa, and his dog, Vader, before the building collapsed. Unfortunately, Kareem's mother, Zeina Mustafa, was found too late and had succumbed to asphyxiation before being found. Local authorities say that..."

The lightness in the air seemed to grow incredibly thick.

I feel my throat tighten as the news report ends and it goes to commercial.

I walk out of the room and head to the stairs. I sit the the bottom and put my camera down before wiping my face, "burning building..."

I pull out my drawing pad and begin to draw.

Fucking hell, dude... the universe has a sick sense of humor.

A burning building stares back at me. A few tears blot the page.

Spiderman must feel terrible for not being able to save that boy's mother.

"Hey, that's pretty good."

I start and turn to the railing, wiping my tears as I did.

Rodney was there, eyes glued on my drawing, "you know... I always wanted to do something like this. Be a drawer."

I lick my lips and gulp.

"I love the life I lived but sometimes, I wonder. Hm. Could I have won awards for drawing like I did for real estate?" He shrugs, "who knows."

I move to the side as Rodney circles around.

"Birthday boy's gotta get his beauty sleep. You don't get to 83 without it."

I watch him as he walks up the stairs. "...didn't you say you were 82?"

He chuckles, "I'm flattered you kept track. I don't."

I stand by the time he gets to the second floor. I put my things back into my bag and head back into the party. I thought everyone would be packing up, since Rodney already left, but it was as if the tense moment during the news never occured.

Everyone was making merry again, and I felt jarred as I did relieved.

"You should try some juice"

The woman named Pam approaches me with her walker. She mutters, "never know when you're gonna die in a burning building."

I watch as she walks past me as exits the room.

I pull out the juice in my bag, put the straw in, and drink it.

"Hey, it's Peter. I can't really get to the phone right now, but leave a message or call again in a little while. You know what to do after the beep."

"Hey, Parker. I know you're busy with your school stuff and all, but I wanted to ask if..."

I gulp. Why was this so hard? Come on, it's Peter for fuck's sake.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. I remember that if I hang-up, this message will still be recorded, so I force myself to continue.

The grating idea of bothering Peter, of causing him concern, of distracting him digs into my flesh though. I mean, fuck, if he wanted to see me, he would have gone to the senior home like he told his aunt he would. If he wanted me to study with me, he would have reached out.

I take a few deep breaths before mustering up, "... y'know... if I could join you? You know... because I work better with some-"

Beep. The recording ends.

"Fuck."

I stare at my screen that displays Peter's caller ID just as the line is hung-up. A gust of wind blows across the building. I should really go inside.

I lean onto the ledge of the rooftop.

It was already 10 pm. I should be doing the edits for that poster. I shake my head and wipe my face.

Just as I turn around and head to the exit, I hear a rustle behind me, "hey!"

I look over my shoulder. He chuckles, "were you waiting for me?"

I stare at Spiderman, who now sat on the ledge of my building.

"I'm touched," he presses his hands on his chest.

Oh. That's why. How could I forget this was where I met up with New York's beloved hero? How could I wonder why the thought of going to the rooftop of my building felt so comforting when I spent the better part of the day drawing the reason for my comfort-- drawing Spiderman?

I turn back and open my mouth.

Oh... probably because he was also the source of my agitation.

I gulp and shake my head, "actually... I wasn't... I was... trying to clear my head, and I thought of going here."

The man jumps off the ledge and walks over to me. He crosses his arms, "aha! You internally wanted to see your best friend."

I turn to my feet. I think about Peter, "I do. I really want to see him... but he doesn't want to see me--" I look back at him, "or anyone for that matter, so I can't."

He relaxes his arms to his side. He tilts his head, "has something happened?"

"Yeah," I blurt and chuckle dryly, "the burning building?!"

He freezes.

"I mean-- fucking hells, it's not funny, but I-- it's so ironic we talked about burning buildings, and then it happens to you, and weren't able to save the mom, and I'm thinking how horrible that must be for you, and how I don't want to add to that when you can't save me because-"

"Woah, woah, woah, hold on-" he grabs my shoulders, "that's a stretch. A leap, actually."

"No," I begin to hyperventilate, "it's called a plausible outcome."

"It's called a misguided speculation-- hey," he clutches my cheeks in both his hands.

I begin to sob. I grip his wrists.

"Sweetheart, hey," he wipes my tears and walks closer, "listen to me. I saved her."

My brows knit as he continues to rub my cheeks.

"I managed to save the mom, and her son, and their dog. They managed to hook them up to an oxygen tank, but the mom... her heart gave out."

I shake my head, "which is why you can-"

Him speaking my name shuts me up.

I catch my reflection on the lenses of his mask.

"Would you have preferred I left her there?" he asks softly.

I involuntarily gulp. What horrible notion to present to me. I guess that was the point.

He sighs and pulls me into a hug.

I do not reciprocate

He rubs my back, "honey-"

"I'm not a mom. I don't mean anything significant to anyone like that."

"You are significant to me."

My throat tightens.

"Damn, why do you think I went here, when I could have gone home?"

I begin to sob into his shoulder. I reluctantly embrace him back.

He holds me tighter.

I don't know how long we stood there hugging, but it was long enough for me to calm down and feel exhausted.

I mumble against his shoulder.

"What was that, my love?"

"Do you want to go inside?" I pull away and sniffle, "I mean-- I just want to show you my sketches... it's fine if-"

"I would be honored to," he tilts his head, "stick you head out of your window, I'll web down to you."

"Oh... alright."

"Just for future reference, so I know what floor you're on."

I nod slowly at his words.

I do just as he says. I get to my apartment and stick my head out of my bedroom window. A few moments later, Spiderman slides down on a web, hanging upside-down.

"Hi," I wave at him.

He jumps onto my fire escape, "hey, sweetie. Miss me?"

I pull away and examine my bedroom. It wasn't messy, but I couldn't help but fluff my pillow and rub my sheets flat. I turn back to Spiderman and he points, "can I sit down?"

"Sure. Of course."

As he sits down, I grab my sketchbook, flip through the pages, and hand it to him, "I, uh... it's... it's... it might be a lot for you."

He takes the book from me and goes through the drawings. I chew on my lip as I watch him go through the pages, as if they were sacred.

"These are-"

"Dark and disturbed, I know."

"-vivid. So alive, and... gut wrenching."

He lifts his gaze up to me. I stand still in front of him. I feel my eyes begin to water under his scrutiny.

"You think so highly of me. You form me so beautifully."

I scratch my face, "I mean... you're a hero. It's not hard."

"Who's this?" he points to a man in a birthday hat I drew on the corner of the page.

"Oh. That was one of the seniors at this home I went to today. He was dancing with two other grampas. It was great," I chuckle softly, "it was a real party."

"What were you doing at a nursing home?"

"I'm, uh, making them a poster to help out with their funding, which reminds me... do you mind if I work on it while you're here?"

He waves a hand, "by all means."

I sit down next to him and grab my laptop, "I can't really bring myself to work on it. It sometimes becomes easier for me to work on something if I have someone with me."

"Do you want me to do something?" he sets the sketchbook on my side, stands, and grabs Peter's camera on my desk, "I can take selfies for you to use as references later."

I chuckle at him as he begins to pose. I shake my head, "I mean, if you'd like."

Spiderman plots back down to my side, "can I just watch you work?"

I shrug and repeat, offering a smile, "if you'd like."

As my screen loads up, feel him nudge my shoulder. I turn back to him and he tilts his head, "you do realize, you're a hero to them, right?"

I knit my brows, "what are you talking about?"

"If you see me this way," he take my sketchbook and shakes it, "then they can see you this way."

I sigh, "Spidey, please, I'm just making a poster. You saved someone from a burning building."

"I did something within my means, my love, which is exactly what you're doing now."

I turn back to my laptop. His pet name makes me feel funny. I know he means nothing but it, but the way he says it does something to my stomach.

"Denying it doesn't make it less true."

I move my mouse around.

"... that is, unless, your poster sucks ass-"

I snort and nearly choke on my spit.

"-in which case, I'm sorry, but you're a villain who deserves jail time for screwing over a nursing home."

"Damn!" I turn to him, "insulted in my own home."

He shrugs, "make a good poster then."

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