#being an adult isnt easy

[bebepac]

A Little About Your Neighborhood Bebepac

True story, most of my life, I lived in chaos. I grew up with a single mother who couldn't manage money, always in debt, always needing money. There was always a problem that always required more. As a young adult, I was not told about or learned about credit. So what happened when I got into college? I fell in the credit card trap and ruined my credit. I lived a chaotic life because it was modeled for me. Now, being older and wiser, I have and am taking steps to correct my credit because I see the importance of what having good credit can do, but also having a plan.

This is not a flex by any means, but last month, I spent $1100 on my vehicle just between brakes and rotors. My original plan was to just replace the back brakes, as the warning sensor had been going off a bit, and the front ones just started. And save a little money and then get the front ones done. Turns out that both front and brake pads and rotors were about the same wear on them, and I had to do all at once.

But, I had the money because I had been working on saving some. And... then I needed tires. I, fortunately, was able to get a credit card via the tire shop for that, and those got put on my SUV as well the following week. I shopped around for my tires and picked the best ones for my vehicle, with a rebate for them, too!

This same situation, three, five, or even ten years ago would have sent me into a panic, not knowing where I was going to come up with $2900 total for everything I needed to take care of, (not to mention NC has a yearly vehicle tax and inspection as well) but because of planning and "upper level adulting" is what I call it. I took care of it all myself!!! And that part about all of this felt really, really good.

Now my car kiddo Kitt is driving like a brand new car. You've seen her before in my fics.

P.S. if anyone else wants to share their upper level adulting moments, I'd love to see them, and you are welcome to use the sticky note page above with it if you would like . 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[qquokkari]

this is so dumb and probably doesn’t make a lot of sense but i’ve been thinking about stranger things a lot for the past few days and i feel like part of the reason a lot of people don’t like mike after s2 is because he’s reacting to trauma in a way they don’t feel is justified.

objectively he hasn’t been through as much as the other party members have because he hasn’t been possessed or Plagued With Visions or turned into a human weapon. he’s the third party to a lot of traumatizing events (which can be, in itself, traumatizing) but everything that directly happens to him doesn’t feel as major as the crazy supernatural things going on. he was bullied as a kid, his parents are dismissive and emotionally absent, and he’s very clearly depressed—he has behavioral issues at school and his grades are slipping, something the counselor cites as being a sign of max’s depression. there’s also a lot of subtext/hints about him having issues with food and body image things.

the problems that directly affect him are all ostensibly very normal in the face of monsters and human experimentation, and his reactions are very normal too. he’s self-isolating, he lashes out at people, he puts himself in danger, he can’t express his emotions in the “right” way. but in a universe where supernatural things are always happening around him, his problems seem insignificant. people don’t like that his behavior and personality changed as a result of trauma and other issues because they don’t think he has earned it.

his problems are too normal, or what traumatized him didn’t directly happen to him (like, his best friend went missing and was believed to be dead and came back and was possessed and mike felt like he was the only one who cared and he was there for it all), so he shouldn’t get to be angry and depressed and emotionally distant. he needs to go through something worse before he’s allowed to show that he’s been affected by the events of his life.

this isn’t all to say that i think he hasn’t been an asshole. rather, i think knowing why he’s been an asshole is necessary for viewing him as a sympathetic character, and a lot of people don’t think he deserves that because his ‘why’ isn’t good enough.

anyway mike wheeler they’ll never make me hate you

[ferronickel]

Thinking bout the time someone yelled at me because they didn't understand butches.

[el3ctraaa]

My roommate and I just had this two hour long convo about how everyone else makes it look easy and how we just keep falling behind and are killing ourselves just to catch up and now I feel so much better because I thought I was the only one. I have nothing to say about it I just thought y'all should know.

[bucephaly]

I keep seeing posts of people saying that a term transphobes stole and are using incorrectly to be transphobes is a Horrible Transphobic Term and Anyone who uses it is transphobic and it's Not Real and Entirely Not True when it's literally an actual anthropological term that has studies about it and is actually very useful for Everyone to think about, cis and trans, and be critical of. I hate seeing people respond to dumb hate by entirely writing off everything even remotely connected to the twisted shit bigots use when the shit the bigots are stealing and twisting is still like... a thing?

[natugood]

make it make sense that I enjoy doing my job (especially the tedious parts) when I am off the clock, but as soon as I am supposed to be working I'd rather be doing LITERALLY anything else????

[the-trans-dragon]

Added a fourth ingredient to my most complicated food dish I can make >:3 I even wished I had some butter to add! Ill have to remember to buy some ^w^ I don't think I've bought butter in months

[caffeinatedopossum]

Me when everyone is the protagonist in someone's story and the antagonist in someone else's

[fishiest-fish]

I do nit understand how there are people who call off like regularly. I literally stare at my texts with my manager for at least ten minutes before hitting send that is the most stressful thing ever what if she hates me afterwards

[thatoneweirdo14]

thank you so much for this

what they didn’t tell you as a child is that you will spend your whole life trying to replicate the same unconditional happiness you so effortlessly experienced back then and that it will never quite feel the same no matter how hard you try

[tryharddj]

having known my friends and now partner for so long is crazy because i used to be the tall guy and get to bully everyone by holding shit over their heads like a loony toon but then my partner got a late growth spurt and so did like four of our friends and now IM the one getting bullied and its horrible and terrible and i hate it. no i do not understand why this is funny

[rudescape]

hell o

just gonna vent in the tags real quick

[reason-with-the-underdog]

you were not mine to save -> to be loved is to be changed

i keep thinking about how

if you boil down alhaitham & kaveh's akademiya-era fallout fight, it was that alhaitham wanted to change kaveh & kaveh could never agree with his proposed course of action

but now, as full grown adults, alhaitham isnt trying to change kaveh anymore

that core conflict does reoccur, as it did during Parade of Providence when alhaitham lectured kaveh after Act II & kaveh got annoyed

(even though Alhaitham was obviously just worried about kaveh's health/wellbeing...)

this is a common pattern of behavior for them: alhaitham is worried about kaveh & kaveh reacts defensively to it

which speaks to how stubborn & hyper-independent kaveh is

despite being someone who's dedicated to giving back to the community and contributing towards the larger social good, he's quite determined on his own path in life

he'll bear the consequences (ie bankruptcy) all by himself if necessary...! and he's much too stubborn to be talked out of his own decisions

i dont think there was any possible way kaveh could have walked away from the wrecks of the first build of alcazarzaray and still be at peace with himself

and kaveh even admits he was naive (in his teapot dialogue), but he doesnt regret it still even now

so i think its cool alhaitham realised that there's no point in trying to convince kaveh to change who he is

such is kaveh. kaveh will not be someone different, not even for alhaitham. his work & altruism are parts of his core identity

why fight a mountain who will not be moved?

instead, alhaitham goes for more "harm reduction" strategies:

help cover kaveh's bar tabs, which means he's also the one lambad calls to pick up kaveh & see kaveh home safely

snark at kaveh when he's ranting about clients to keep him in a righteous mood instead of getting depressed

there's a quote about how to be loved is to be changed....

and alhaitham certainly has changed so much from that smart-mouthed student who had pinpointed what he thought was the root of kaveh's overbearing altruism and figured he could fix kaveh's problems with that knowledge!

to now as an adult with a lot more life experience: alhaitham knows that kaveh isn't his to save

and the more he tries to force kaveh to changing, the more likely kaveh is to dig his heels in

alhaitham doesnt need to be kaveh's minder or overbearing best friend--

he wants to be kaveh's partner, his equal, which means respecting kaveh's choices for what they are

anyways kaveh's drowner analogy works rly nicely for this core conflict between them (changing people vs supporting them and protecting them from harm)

& i cant believe its canon

i really appreciate this aspect of their relationship too-- it feels very mature & realistic...

how easy it would be if you could just TELL someone how to fix their problems!

its very frustrating to see someone you care about run straight towards problems again & again...

but you can't change someone's mind bc you want it to be that way. they have to decide on their own, on their own volition, and to truly believe in their decision, for the changes to really stick

as much as it sucks that you can't just solve people's problems for them

the human experience is so much richer for all of our different perspectives and ideas and principles that will not be compromised bc someone else wanted it to be

you can't control people's thoughts & that's for the best (also alhaitham's SQ is literally about this lmao)

[drdemonprince]

do you have any advice for navigating a friendship with a trans kids whose parent is transphobic? my uncle started dating this woman when her kid was 2 or 3, and then they broke up 8 or 9 years later. i consider this kid my cousin and xe has been an active part of my life through that whole time up until the break up just under three years ago. ive still been able to see xem occasionally but certainly with much less frequency. ive suspected for a few years now that xe is trans. xyr christmas gifts from me are almost always queer/trans books of some kind, and to be honest a lot of the reasons i show up in my family the way i do is so that a) xe can see a happy queer adult just being alive and b) to pave the way for xem to have a better experience with our family if/when xe chooses to come out. xe came out to only me a month or two ago and expressed a lot of gratitude to me for being there for xem. fast forward to today, xe is now saying xyr mom is uncomfortable with us texting and will be monitoring our texts. ive always known this was a possibility, and have followed xyr lead on what is and isnt safe to text about, and i stand by 100% of what ive texted xem. but i am really devastated by this news. xe is deleting our texts and i am not really sure how to navigate this because im sure there is a way for xyr mom to get deleted texts and i dont really want that to be like…an indicator of anything. and regardless, this is going to impact how much i can show up for xem. also this is like…just so obviously transphobic since i have known xyr mom, and known her WELL, for over a decade at this point. and shes had some pretty awful and bigoted and homophobic things to say in the past. im just really fucking sad about it to be honest and i dont really know how to navigate this in a way that preserves the relationship we do have, allows me to actually be myself, and lets me continue to have this kid as part of my life.

I think you gotta reframe this situation to make it less about how you get to still keep the kid in your life, and focus instead on what is gonna keep the kid safe. Right now, the kid being caught with any messages from you makes xem unsafe in an abusive, isolating home. My recommendation would be making yourself easy to find. Maybe even do some visible trans activism in the local community that everyone in the family will be able to know about. Make sure you have some kind of email or blog or social media page the kid could theoretically access at a better time. The kid should know where to find you when xe has a safer means of making contact. When xe gets a little bit older, then xe can begin to make decisions about potentially escaping this abusive environment and asking you for practical support, and the time may come when you can provide xem with a burner phone, some cash, or a place to crash. But for now you will have to tread really lightly so that the kid's mom doesn't escalate against xem.

[silvervinewine]

Hii! I saw ur reqs are open!! :D if its ok can I request dottore (+segments) relationship hcs?

DOTTORE (+SEGMENTS) RELATIONSHIP HC

introductions were short and brief, a simple hello before you got to work alongside him, or the multiple hims. (very confusing to digest at the very start)

an assistant, supposedly an easy job for just about anyone. but it isnt just anyone youre working for, its a harbinger and his multiple freaky clones, come on !

being dragged off to help fairly younger versions of him with their experiments of dubious ethical values, being careful as to do your best.

one wrong move and youll end up in the cleaners, great job prospect for you !! surprisingly enough though, they accept you in their circle.

compared to the older versions of him, the younger segments are less guarded... and more carefree. you joke around with em, you bring them gifts and they happily accept em.

you talk to em and slowly but surely they start revealin parts of their history. fast movin experiments, considerable murders and lotsa studying within the academiya was what they told you about.

you accepted them for them with a little hesistance, but still do. and to their delight (?), not very clear they come to seek for you. yearn is silent within all dotttore variants, but mutual respect becomes one sided puppy love.

dumb crushes and the ruse they put up, being in love.. they did not realize you were also a scholar, one with a little more sense of social awareness. soon enough you cracked open their supposedly top secret plot.

their eagerness and surprising acceptance leads you to work with some of the older clones. a challenging next step for you.

blunt and close guarded, thats whats you came to know the few late adult clones as.

engaging in conversation which would lead to laughter and giggles with the young adult variants quickly fell on deaf ears.

you became used to ignoring and being ignored, and you came to miss the younger guys, repeatedly seeking them out.

using your lunch break to talk to the younger bunch, some of them really liked you some of then merely respected you and that was normal within their little society.

talking and lunching, before being found out by the superiors. it was your lunch break, you were mortal and you needed to eat but the segments didnt.

fighting back and through persuasive means you managed to lure a few older clones, little by little.

sweet dinners lit by the firelight and you were able to seduce a couple of older clones into talking, they told you about their plights and you listened.

touchstarved and unloved were the segments, and you could change that. you could. brushing hands and sitting a little closer before ultimately hugging them.

definetly the begginning of the end, and in little to no time did you have an older segment in your lap resting while you ran your fingers across their hair.

then there were two, then three segments, then four, and eight and more. all competing for affection, all yearnin for something they hadnt experienced.

one day IL DOTTORE stepped in though, the real deal, the doctor.

heard of all the talk from within the grapevine, a distraction and there could be no distractions for the segments.

they were an extension of him, carefully crafted to do their individual jobs. careful workers, guarded and alone. a part of his conciousness, and he knew he was indeed guarded and he had no need for any romantic nuisances around.

stepping into a room to find upwards of 4 segments all curled around you as you read a story. this was not bound to happen, not bound to when they needed to work.

he shooes them away, brushing them off before demanding you at once worked directly with him. whisking you away to a far away laboratory.

the doctor himself was cold, cold and harsh with everyone around him. yet with careful consideration, you managed to find the man within him.

soft bribes with the best pastries and careful hugs and caresses and he was under your spell, geez did he come to love you.

you promised him you would stay by his side, keep him company and suddenly a good part of his years looked better than before.

a gruff man, he knew himself to be cold and calculated but you threw him haywire somehow. he didnt know what could be.

until he did, he came to realize you loved him and from there on he didnt let go.

one step at a time, and slowly but surely you entered a state of relationship. a state of pure lovesick bliss.

whether it was romantic dinner dates or soft picnics, he loved it.

he came to tell you bits n pieces of his past and you held him all throughout, holding his face and kissing it gently much to his dismay (pleasure actually, but he wouldnt ever admit that).

as long as you were beside him, he was down.

you loved him and he loved you, and that was a given. even though he was cold and a bit egocentric, he still loved you n only you.

(A/N not proof read or spelling checked or grammae checked, sorey if this isnt what you qanted kinda went off the deep end geez )

[sknolls]

Maybe you'll find this helpful? But I think the concept of intelligence sort of dissipates as you get older. Because everyone works by their own metrics and specialties. Like, I couldn't tell you the first think about biology, that doesn't make me less intelligent than a dedicated biologist. Just means they specialize in something that I don't. And applies to shit that I'm good with too. It's all just experience. Even within the same profession, you wouldn't look at two brilliant artists and go "yep that one's smarter," without coming across as extremely reductionist. It's sort of hard to have a good relationship with a false concept.

I think the main thing that made me dismissive of the concept is that I couldn't define a coherent metric for it. Even as an abstract concept. Is Intelligence a measurement of the amount of information someone knows? One's propensity to learn and accept new information? Is it a collection of general knowledge or is it specialized knowledge? What information constitutes one's intellect? Is it a static variable or one that's in constant flux? Like, I've generally been above average at math in elementary school, but then I hit a brick wall upon reaching higher levels of it, which involved invoking a different set of skills. So, what does that say about my intelligence on the matter? Another potential metric for the concept is one's propensity to think. But the act of thinking, itself, isn't a measurable concept either. Like, it's the closest approximation to how I'll use the words "smart" and "dumb." Basically as ways of saying "you gave me a lot to think about" or "I don't think you've put in enough thought." But there's a more accurate set of words for that: thoughtfulness, nuance, etc. For the sake of comparison, I'd argue that wisdom is an abstract concept, but still a real one. It's the measurement of one's life-experience. It is abstract because it cannot be objectively measured, but its components are commonly understood.

Also, when I coin the term false concept, I'm just saying it's a concept people invoke and attach meaning to despite the concept itself being rather meaningless. When I say an abstract concept, I mean it's a concept that lacks quantifiability and yet still holds meaning.

I personally find talking about concepts and philosophies to be rather annoying because language is fundamentally imprecise. I dont think thats a fault of English specifically. I think it's more that language is how a person translates their thoughts into a format understood by their peers, and I think my autism just gives me a heightened sense of awareness to its function as a translator. Every word carries a degree of nuance and air for interpretation that makes communicating ideals, especially with non-autistic ppl, tedious. That's also why I end up using a lot of big words and coining a lot of terms; feels more precise.

I want to be smart and be seen as smart by others, its one of the only things I latched onto as a pup that could make me feel like I had something that neurotypical people didn't. It's at best a silly fantasy, but since I'm white I don't really know if I can have a productive relationship with "intelligence" in the first place. Much to think about.