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myradness · 3 years ago

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Narcos Fic: i will follow you into the dark [chapter 5]

Pairing: Steve Murphy/Javier Peña

Rating: M

Word count: 8.9k

Tags: canon-typical violence, fluff and angst, slow burn

Chapter Summary: Tensions come to a head as Steve and Javier race against the clock to get to Escobar before extradition goes to vote. Steve struggles to stay afloat managing his marriage and work.

link for full fic:

Javi was back in Bogotá within the next few days, and nearly immediately they were sent off to Medellín to assist Carrillo in interviewing the girlfriend of the man who had been identified as the one who, seemingly unwittingly, had carried the bomb onto the doomed Avianca plane. They were making the grueling trek between the two cities more and more frequently these days, and Steve wondered when the higher-ups back in Washington might take a look through budget reports, see the massive inefficiency, and make their field office in Bogotá a field office in Medellín. He wasn’t holding his breath.

Since his return, Javi still hadn’t brought up the night they spent together waiting for Navegante. Steve wasn’t sure if that was out of embarrassment or if his partner was simply fine to let things lie, but he decided to follow Javi’s lead on this one. Although, he wasn’t quite sure if he was relieved or irritated when the subject was never broached. Like an itch needing to be scratched but is just barely out of reach— it’ll go away eventually, but it’s anguish up until that point.

Steve leaned up against the entrance of the home where the presumed bomber’s girlfriend had been staying with her young daughter and mother ever since the man had gone “missing”. The low ceilings of the houses in the comunas, built small to meet the needs of a dense and growing population, were much too cramped for his lanky frame to fit comfortably inside of. Instead, he took on a more observational role, listening in as Javi and Carrillo spoke in soft tones with the girl— a girl, really, she looked so young and so scared sitting there swallowed up by the chair she was sitting on— and picking up about every fifth word or so. “Sicarios de Pablo...podemos protegerte.” In the corner of the room, a small altar hung on the wall, complete with lit candles, rosary beads, pictures of family and small prayer cards. Above it, hung a painting of Pablo likened as a Saint. The irony of the image might’ve been funny if it weren’t so goddamn infuriating to see the grip Escobar still held over so many of the people here. To know that they were so forgotten by the rest of society that the man’s fleeting acts of monetary goodwill could overshadow his evil— even in the eyes of this family whose lives had been completely uprooted, destroyed, by Escobar. A week ago, this girl said goodbye to her boyfriend, the father of her child, forever, and today she sat, hunted down by sicarios, and still that painting hung on the wall with reverence. Despite it all, she held her tongue with Javi and Carrillo.

Steve huffed out a deep breath and watched as Javi turned on his heel and walked frustratedly out of the home back onto the street where the Jeep was parked. He followed along and came to a stop in front of his partner, waiting while he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket, fished one out and lit it, taking a long drag. Steve could feel his own irritation thrumming just below the surface of his skin, and he shifted back and forth on his feet to try and dissipate it as Javi stood there leaning on his hip, quietly composing himself. He wasn’t sure if it was the difference in experience, or maybe it was just Javi, but Steve was constantly in awe of his ability to keep calm in the moment and remain unaffected by the shit they dealt with. He wondered when, if ever, his own blood might stop being so quick to boil.

“She’s lying,” Javi finally breathed out between inhales of smoke.

Steve stopped his pacing, stepping in near his partner. “He’s got this poor sucker to carry a bomb without him even knowing it.”

Javi shifted, looking around at their surroundings— the tightly-packed houses and steep hillside behind them. “Well, maybe he knew,” he offered casually, as if it mattered at this point.

“I don’t care if he knew or not,” Steve spat, breathing out forcefully through his nostrils. “It’s time we put a bullet in Escobar.”

Javi’s face shifted, eyes widening and eyebrows lifting in surprise and gentle amusement. “I like the intensity, Murphy,” he chuckled. “Very Hollywood.”

Steve sighed, letting out the tension that had been building up, and smiled despite himself. “You’re an ass, you know that?” He looked up at Javi, who flashed him a wink before stamping out the butt of his cigarette and walking past him toward the car. They would reconvene with Carrillo at the Carlos Holguín School later that afternoon.

“I agree though,” he called out over his shoulder as Steve turned to follow. “I’m getting real sick of this cat-and-mouse shit.”

* * *

For all of their plans though, things were still slow-moving. After the Avianca bombing, the public rallied around Gaviria and he took the presidency by a landslide. He was understandably keen to respond swiftly to the public outcry over the increase in violence and so one of the first things he did after taking office was to call a meeting with all of the top American officials that were stationed in Bogotá— Javier and Steve included.

Javier sat alongside Murphy, once again both squeezed into their formal suits— ill-fitting in the way they stood as such a stark difference to their normal attire— and listened, powerless, as the President put a stop to nearly all of the work they were doing. He didn’t want American help, especially American funding, in his fight against the narcotraficantes. From that point, he and Steve’s involvement was to be observational and advisory only.

The thing was, Javier understood the President’s wariness. Growing up in Texas, of all places, to Mexican parents, made it hard as hell to not have at least some level of awareness of the dangers of US involvement. But he also knew that the CNP and Carrillo’s Search Bloc didn’t stand a chance against Escobar without their help. The money just wasn’t there.

There had always been a give-and-take of information between himself and Carrillo, even back when Pablo was just a name in a warning that fell on deaf ears. Leaving the man high and dry— even if ordered to— would just feel like betrayal after having worked so closely for so long. He and Steve would find a way to still help out, even if that way had to be much less conspicuous.

And so they did.

Javier couldn’t stand the Mil group and CIA guys, but he was more than willing to bury the hatchet if that meant access to their surveillance assets. Using aerial photographs and intel provided by the Search Bloc, he and Steve were able to work out that sicarios could be easily identified by the cars they drove— all of them expensive foreign imports that the rest of the people in the comunas they were driving through could never dream of affording. While the other American agencies were doing their fly-overs, which somehow escaped Gaviria’s cuts, if they spotted any of these cars they could contact the DEA agents, who would pass the information onto Carrillo, who seemed incredibly thankful to have it. Ever since the successful elimination of Gacha, there had been increased demand on the man to carry out more and more raids. But, their finite resources put up against Escobar’s billions of dollars and intricate web of informants would always be a losing battle. Not to mention that, in response to the increase of government raids and the President’s anti-narco stance, Pablo had begun a streak of public bombings and targeted kidnappings of the adult children of both wealthy and politically important individuals.

It was starting to seem like just a matter of time before Gaviria was forced to bend to some, if not all, of Escobar’s demands. Namely, the abolition of extradition, a reduction of the long list of crimes he had been charged with, and lastly— and probably the most infuriating— the ability to build himself his own jail. The absurdity of it all would be laughable if it wasn’t so angering, if it wasn’t the reality they were facing, if it weren't obvious that Escobar saw this as his gift to the country. That he was somehow acting nobly by putting forth these conditions. It was fucking reprehensible.

Since they knew the clock was ticking, Javier and Steve, along with Carrillo, were working double time to follow up with every tip they got, spending the majority of their days driving through the comunas in Medellín so they could quickly respond whenever a call from the CIA intercepts came through. It was a long shot, but if they could nail one of the cartel’s high-level sicarios then maybe they could catch Escobar before it was too late to do anything.

This was how Javier found himself once again sprawled out in the passenger seat of their Jeep, chain-smoking as Steve drove them around the city while waiting for a call from their eyes in the sky. When he first moved to Colombia, driving through the comunas had evoked almost a sense of claustrophobia the streets were so dense with people and cars. But now, as he looked out the rolled-down window while they meandered their way down main roads and through back alleys, these streets felt cosy. Familiar. It was good to see the mundane— the small moments of happiness carved out of everyday life. It was good to see the people grasping tight onto normalcy despite the war being waged around them.

Javier leaned his weight against the metal frame of the door, taking in Steve as he maneuvered his way through the narrow streets. The man appeared tense today, small lines creasing from the corners of his eyes where they were hidden behind his dark sunglasses, his shoulders tight. They were both stressed, wary from the increasing intensity of it all— Escobar’s attacks, their near-daily raids— it was like a wave that never crested. Swelling. He could feel their desperation starting to fray nerves.

They had already been out driving for several hours with nothing but radio silence, so Javier decided to play nice and motioned for Steve to pull the SUV to the side of the road near where a small grouping of food stalls had set up shop for the day, spilling out of a larger market.

As the car slowly rolled to a stop, Steve glanced over, eyebrow raised and annoyed by the change in pace. “Why are we stopping,” he grumbled.

Javier pulled on the door handle, sliding out of the seat and onto the street. He turned back, leaning in through the open window, and felt the hot metal sting against his forearm. “Gotta piss,” he announced, pushing off of the side of the SUV and walking off, not waiting to see the likely answering roll of eyes from his partner.

He meandered through the stalls, quietly reveling in the swell of life around him— the smell of several different foods competing for dominance, the distant sound of children laughing as they ran through the chaos, the low rumble of weathered voices of the old men sat sipping tintos on fold-out plastic chairs— before settling on a stall where a woman was selling almojábanas . Javier knew that there wasn't a simple fix for the worries furrowing Steve’s brow, but he also knew big American boys, and just how far food could go in soothing the soul. Cheese bread should do the trick.

Leaning over the short counter, Javier motioned for two of the small bags of bread, and laid the pesos near the till. As the woman prepared his order, he glanced around the small enclosure, eyes landing on a young child seated in a low high chair in the corner. The child squealed under his attention, legs kicking and hands grabbing in his direction. He smiled, cooing. “Hola, niñita.”

The woman turned back, holding out the food with a smile, and Javier reached back into his pocket, pulling out his wallet and added a small stack of money to the pile. “Para su ayudante,” he said with a wink in response to her questioning look, nodding his head toward the still-babbling child.

He turned on his heel, throwing one last wave of his fingers over his shoulder toward the girl, and began maneuvering his way back to the Jeep. Steve had his arm up on the windowsill, other hand tapping on the wheel, and he sat up, restarting the car when he noticed Javier approaching. “What took you so damn long? Gettin’ pretty for me, Javi?”

Javi opened up the door, slid into the passenger seat and threw one of the bags of almojábanas into Steve’s lap. “Here. Eat. You’re an ass when you’re hungry, man.”

Steve fixed Javier with an unimpressed look, but opened the bag and began quietly chewing on one of the small round breads. Javier followed suit, relishing the warmth and the smooth taste of cuajada on his tongue, keeping an eye on his partner all the while.

“Y’know, Connie has said the same thing,” Steve mumbled between bites.

“Your wife is a smart woman.” Javier paused, noting that Steve’s eyes had already begun to brighten. He chuckled to himself. Predictable. “How is she? Settled in finally?”

Steve sighed, abandoning his final, half-eaten pastry. “She’s been on edge ever since Poison left us that warning. She’s strong, but I think she worries about me a lot.” He shifted, turning his head to look in the rear view mirror. Always on guard. “I have a hard time separating work from life, too, which doesn’t help,” he murmured. He looked at Javier. “We’re just so close to catching him. And if Gaviria gives in before we do ...it’s difficult to not bring my frustrations home.”

Javier stayed silent, unsure of what to say. He also felt a rising sense of urgency. But at the end of the day he could meet his aggravation with a bottle of whiskey and hours of silence.

“How’d she like the dancing I taught you?”

He watched the tips of his partner’s ears blush pink. “Didn’t quite nail the ambiance, but she had fun at least.”

“You just need more practice then.”

Steve rolled his eyes, barking out a laugh, and moved to shift the gear into reverse. He placed his hand on the seat near the spot where Javier’s head was resting, and turned around to look out of the rear window as he backed up. “Yeah, well,” his voice faded off as he pulled the Jeep back onto the street. “Somehow I don’t think that would do much good.”

Javier didn’t bother responding, opting instead to look out the window. Christ knew he was far from the authority on wives.

From where it was sitting upright in one of the cupholders in the console between them, the radio began to crackle to life. Javier leaned to pick it up, holding the receiver loosely against his chin. “Hammer. Go ahead.”

The tinny voice of the field station lead rang out. “Hammer, we have calls originating in Manrique , from known sicario satellite phones.”

Javier sat forward and pressed down the transmit button. “Do you have a location?”

There was a beat while the man on the other end listened to the conversation they were picking up. A conversation that was happening at that moment, somewhere in the city, between the few men who could lead them to Escobar. Who could make this whole illegal operation worthwhile. “Campo Valdés. That's in the central-eastern area, bordered by the Comuna Popular.”

Campo Valdés. They were close. Javier felt the adrenaline rising in his chest. “Roger that,” he confirmed, the danger of what they were about to undertake only distantly present in his mind. He turned back toward Steve and locked eyes with his partner. “Campo Valdés.”

Steve nodded and turned off on the next side road, picking up speed.

Here went nothing.

* * *

Steve pulled up to the small neighborhood and almost instantly spotted a known sicario car parked alongside the road near an entrance to a group of houses. He brought the Jeep to a stop a few yards up the road and engaged the emergency brake, letting out the deep breath he had been holding in.

The drive to this location had been just long enough that the initial rush of adrenaline from the positive-ID radio call had worn off and a clarity had set in. This was stupid bordering on suicidal. They had no backup, they had no tac vests. They had no fucking clue how many men they were about to engage. Steve felt immediately out of his depth. An uncertainty rising to meet his desperation to catch Escobar. His mind flashed briefly to Connie, and the shock she might feel at his idiocy. Or, maybe she had come to expect this type of bull-headedness from him by now.

His mind then flashed to Javi. He turned and found that his partner was already meeting his eye from across the console. Javi nodded once, and because the man was somehow all-knowing, added: “Just keep your head on straight, Murphy. Let’s catch these assholes.” Then he shifted to grab at the door handle and slid out onto the cracked blacktop. Steve steeled himself and followed suit.

He took point, and together they made their way toward the entrance of the building, taking small steps, their pistols loaded and ready to return fire. In between the sounds of his own breath, an argument echoed from inside of the house closest to the street. Steve looked back at Javi, who nodded, confirming the sound as their target, and continued inching their way toward the source.

For a brief moment, there was silence, before a cacophony of shots firing and glass shattering rang out as bullets started to spray from inside the house.

The men inside the building began to flee and without thinking, Steve gave chase, rounding the building just in time to see them exit and take off down the winding alleyway. Suddenly, the two split off, and he followed the one that broke to the right, trusting that Javi was right behind and would take care of the other.

They were moving too quickly for Steve to get an ID on the man he was following, but knowing that they were within reach of catching someone who was likely one of Pablo’s top sicarios was enough to keep him running. It was enough to stave off the exhaustion threatening to set in from running in the Colombian heat.

The man ducked into an apartment building, weaving his way through the corridors and staircases, and taking brief cover behind walls to fire pot-shots in Steve’s direction. He returned the fire as best he could, but there was little luck of getting a clean shot at the target until they made it back out into the open.

At that moment, Steve pushed through a flimsy metal door that opened up to an equally flimsy metal rooftop and continued scrambling after the man. He ducked his way under hanging laundry, avoiding patches of aluminum that had corroded, giving way to the unforgiving earth an untold number of stories below.

Finally, blessedly, they reached the uppermost level of the patchwork roofs, his feet touching down on concrete. The stretch was long and flat, and Steve knew that if he could work up enough of a sprint he’d be able to get close enough to incapacitate the man.

Typically a hassle in the low-ceilinged homes of the comunas, Steve gave silent thanks to his long legs as they pumped in double time, quickly bringing him within range of the target. They were rapidly approaching the edge of the building, reaching an end, and Steve fumbled as he sprinted to ready his gun for the shot that would soon open up.

Instead of slowing, however, the sicario seemed to increase pace as he neared the end of the roof, and then suddenly, impossibly, he was jumping.

Steve snorted bullishly, the sweat that had been near-pouring down his face spraying out, half in anger and half at the absurdity of what he had just witnessed. Moving too quickly to slow in time, he resigned himself to his fate and attempted to lengthen his stride the best he could. Then he jumped.

There was an ever-brief moment of weightlessness, the thrill of which Steve knew he could all too easily fall victim to. It was the same sort of rush of blood most people might get from a roller coaster, from a fast car. Which Steve got from the chase.

And then there was concrete. He hit the rough surface of the roof hard, his knees buckling underneath, limbs spilling out, and pistol coming loose from his hold. He tried to scramble to his feet, but the man had already rounded on him, gun drawn. Steve squinted to look up at the face of the man he had been pursuing, blinking against the sun.

Poison.

He reached out his hand, placating, and dragged himself to his knees. There wasn’t a way out of this one that he could see, but he wanted to die standing. He looked Poison in the eye, took in the smirk painted across the man’s face. Taking out a DEA agent. He’d be paid handsomely for this kill.

Steve thought briefly of Connie. She would get his pension, wouldn’t have to worry about money for the rest of her life. He wondered if, beneath her sadness, she might feel relief. Relief that it was finally over— the shoe she’d been expecting to drop finally had.

He thought of Javi again, and even though he hadn’t been to church in years, said a silent prayer that he wasn’t enduring the same fate. He felt sorry that his partner would have to find his body up on this fucking rooftop, would have to file that awful report. That he’d have to do it alone again. He felt a fleeting sense of sympathy for whatever new idiot they sent down here in his place, for the short leash Javi would undoubtedly keep.

He hoped that Javi would miss him terribly.

What a selfish final thought. Connie really did deserve better.

Steve held his breath, meeting Poison’s eye, and waited for the wash of nothing that was sure to come. There was a dull click as the sicario pulled on the trigger, but found the gun empty. Instinctually, Steve reached for his own discarded gun and fired off a shot in the man’s direction, but he had already thrown himself over the low wall on the roof into a pile of debris below. Rushing to look over the side, Steve watched in disbelief as Poison emerged from the scrap and ran out onto the crowded street before pulling a man off of his motorcycle and riding off. Desperate, Steve raised his pistol and took aim, but the street below was too crowded and his gun was too unwieldy to take the shot with any confidence.

“Fuck!” he screamed in frustration, disengaging his weapon and scrubbing a hand down his face. Fuck. He leaned over the half-wall and slammed the heel of his palm against the brick, feeling the defeat wash over him. Suddenly, there was the sound of shuffling boots behind him, and Steve shot up, drawing his gun and aiming toward the sound.

“Murphy,” came a rushed breath.

Javi.

Steve let his body slump, the anticipatory tension of a fight draining from his limbs.

Javi took a step closer, placing one hand on Steve’s shoulder and the other just under his jaw, at the point where his pulse beat strongest. Steve could feel the tremble in his fingertips. “Are you alright? I heard you yelling.”

“I’m alright,” he lied. He looked up, taking in his partner’s face— the curls plastered to his forehead with sweat, his furrowed brow, his heaving chest. Javi didn’t need to carry the burden of knowing how close Steve had come to tasting death. “I’m alright. Poison got away”

Javi dropped his hand, stepping back, but still eyed Steve with an unreadable expression. Evidently, he hadn’t passed whatever internal checkup the man was running. “Sureshot also got away, with help. Apparently, Escobar is recruiting children from the comuna now.”

Steve tilted his head, waiting for more, but Javi turned around with an air of finality. “Let’s go see what the hell they were doing here,” he called out over his shoulder.

Looks like they were both keeping secrets. Steve followed him closely back through the maze of apartments and narrow corridors to the home they had found the men in, still feeling dazed by the events that had taken place. He had the urge to reach out and grab onto Javi’s wrist— anything that might help ground himself. He kept his hand at his side.

Somehow they made their way back to the little house— Javi quiet, and Steve thankful that his partner had paid well enough attention to the path they had taken during the chase to remember a way back. Javi pushed the flimsy door open, barely hanging on its hinges, and stepped aside to let him through. Ducking, Steve stepped inside of the doorway and was instantly overwhelmed by the smell of blood in the air. Thick, sharp. Fresh.

Moving through the entryway, the source became clear— the body of a young woman strewn across the ground, a bullet hole in her temple. Next to her, just inside the living room, was a second body. The girlfriend of the Avianca bomber. Steve’s stomach roiled— they had tried to warn her of exactly this. And they had shown up mere seconds too late. He moved into the small room, taking care to maneuver around the sprawl of limbs. His heavy boots made the thin wooden floor groan under his feet, and at the sound of his footsteps came a cooing from the corner. Steve’s head shot up. In a low chair sat the daughter of the bomber and his girlfriend, quietly babbling and smiling up at himself and Javi, completely oblivious to the destruction around her.

Steve wandered over in a daze and sunk to his knees in front of the girl, the hard ground sending shocks up his already aching frame. He looked back at Javi, who had perched himself on the corner of a chair and was scrubbing his palm over his face. Steve turned back to the child, reaching out cautiously to grab her tiny hand in his own. She stared up at him, curious, her brown eyes open wide.

“I can take her home,” he murmured, hating the way his voice wavered. “Yeah. Connie would know what to do. She’s a nurse.”

He heard Javi sigh from behind him. “A baby isn’t a cat, Steve.”

Javi stood, brushing against Steve as he shifted past and bent to pick up the child. He watched as Javi lifted her gingerly to his chest, quietly shushing her cries of protest as he tucked her under his chin. “Tranquilo, nena,” he whispered into the soft tufts of hair on her head. He looked at Steve, gesturing with a small movement of his hand. “Come here.”

Steve stood and stepped in close to Javi. He took in the slight sway of his partner’s hips, the protective swell of his arm around her body. “You’re good with her.”

Javi met his eye over her head, keeping his voice low. “I’ve got lots of little cousins,” he smiled, small and private. “You end up learning quickly. Hold your arms out.”

He stood for a moment, blinking. “What?”

“If I’m letting you take her home to Connie, I’m making sure you can at least hold her. Now hold your arms out.”

Dumbfounded, Steve watched as Javi maneuvered her small body around and held her out, tiny wriggling limbs and all. He grabbed her under the arms, unsure how to proceed.

“There you go, now hold her against your chest,” came Javi’s voice, encouraging. “You don't have to be so careful. She’s a fighter.”

Steve did as told, tucking her in close, and felt her calm near instantly. He could feel the heat of her body through the fabric of his shirt, balmy from sitting in the stagnant heat of the room for so long. He watched as she snuggled against his shoulder and began to blink heavily to fight off sleep; instantly overwhelmed by the trust she showed him. A trust that he had not earned— certainly not after the events of the day. He looked back at Javi, who had stepped in close and was rubbing slow circles into the girl’s back, and the surge of emotions he had been holding back rose up under his partner’s careful gaze. Panic and despair made for a potent cocktail; he choked out a singular sob that surfaced unbidden.

Javi stopped his petting, reaching out reflexively to grip his arm. “Steve?”

“I dropped my gun, Javi.”

Javi’s eyes flitted down to where his holster sat on his belt. “It’s right—”

“On the rooftop. I dropped my gun and Poison had me pinned, Javi,” he forced out, trying to stem the flood. Javi’s fingers dug into his skin, and he was thankful for the pain. “He pulled the trigger. But he was out of bullets.”

Javi didn’t say anything, and Steve didn’t need him to. They both knew he had been lucky, stupidly so— they both knew this time right now was borrowed. Instead, he gathered Steve in his arms as best he could, and Steve let himself be maneuvered to sit on the small couch, tucked in against his partner’s side until slowly, aided by the girl’s steady breathing and Javi’s hands grounding, he finally calmed.

“Y’alright there, Murphy,” Javi asked quietly, the low rumble of his voice soothing against Steve’s skin.

He sat up, mindful of the girl now asleep on his shoulder, and wiped a hand across his face, suddenly embarrassed by his reaction. He was a goddamn DEA agent— he’d watched his last partner die and didn’t have this bad of a reaction for fucks sake. “Yeah. Sorry, I—”

“Don’t. I get it, man.” He reached over and ran his hand through the short hairs on the back of the child’s head, and despite himself, Steve mourned the loss of contact. “I’ll call Carrillo to have his men come take care of all this,” he said, glancing around the room. He looked back at Steve and it was like a balm for the fray. “Let’s get you two home.”

Steve smiled, grateful as he met Javi’s eye. He felt a surge of emotion rise up in his throat, his limbs. It was the same rush he had felt the night with Javi waiting for Navegante. It made him want to move, to act, to do... something. He opted for a breathy, rushed, “thank you.” It didn’t satisfy the urge, but the moment was over all the same.

* * *

Tensions finally reached a head mere days later, when one of the hostages that had been taken by Escobar, a popular newscaster who was also the daughter of the former president, was killed by crossfire in a raid ordered by Gaviria and led by the CNP. Javier heard the news on the radio on his drive into work, and when he arrived at the embassy, found that the Ambassador had called an immediate meeting with himself, Steve, and the new Vice Minister of Justice.

He quickly walked to the small DEA office, throwing his wallet and keys onto his desk. Steve was hunched over his own desk, fingers tapping wildly as he thumbed through CIA maps and reports.

“You heard we’ve got a meeting with Sandoval, right?”

Steve scoffed and tossed the papers down. “Yeah, I heard alright.”

Sandoval, the new Vice Minister, had been Gaviria’s head of security prior to his election. He and Steve had apparently butted heads over several aspects of security plans, especially when it came to protecting the candidate against Escobar. Javier remembered listening to his partner bitch about the man— Steve found him arrogant. There is no way this meeting would go well.

“Glad I wore my suit today at least. Come on, they’re probably waiting.”

Steve sighed, heaving himself up, and followed Javier out of the room. “I’m tempted to put my jeans back on,” he whispered conspiratorially.

Javier smirked despite himself. “Be nice.”

They pushed their way through the heavy wooden doors to the Ambassador’s office to find Sandoval and Noonan already chatting quietly on opposite sides of her stately desk.

“Good morning, gentlemen,” Sandoval said from his seat.

Javier nodded, trying to get a read on the man. “Buenas.” Steve stalked quietly to the other side of the room to lean against the bookcase.

Not wasting any time, Sandoval launched into his delivery. “Thank you for meeting on short notice. This is to inform you that our government has approved Escobar’s proposal to build a prison where he will serve a minimum of three years. As a part of the agreement, no police will be allowed within two miles of the jail. Search Bloc will be disbanded, and extradition will be put up for a vote in Congress again.”

Javier instantly bristled, feeling a protest rise up in his chest. This had to be a joke— there was no way on earth this would be the end of all the work they had done. In the corner of his eye, Steve had begun pacing, reaching up to pull at his tie. Javier stepped closer to Sandoval, taking a steadying breath. It didn’t help. “If your Congress abolishes extradition we lose our teeth. We’re a paper fucking tiger!”

“Everything we have done is lost,” Steve added, punctuating his words with a pointed finger against the desk.

“We have no choice,” Sandoval interjected, the calm politician exterior quickly fading away as his voice rose. “The people, the public— it’s tired of all these bombs and bloodshed!”

“Right,” Javier said, gripping the side of the desk. “And business goes on as usual, just runs it from that jail.”

“Exactly,” Steve shouted, still pacing.

Sandoval looked exhausted, frustrated. He ran his hand over his face. “Yes,” he conceded.

Ambassador Noonan sat forward, her hands folded neatly in front of her. “All things considered, it’s a victory to put Escobar in jail.”

At that, Steve stopped his pacing, a sneer on his face. “For public relations?” he nearly spat.

“It’s capitulation,” Javier agreed, eyeing Sandoval.

“You want Escobar. Why?” Sandoval stood, his heavy leather chair loudly scraping along the floor as he did. “Why?” He raised his arms, in question, in accusation. “Because you want to parade him in your DEA jackets?”

Javier’s face fell, those words a stab to the gut.

“You think this is a game, right,” Sandoval whispered angrily, his eyes dark as they bored into each of them. Javier fleetingly wondered if he, like Escobar, was not a man of always. If he too had fought for his place in the world. “This is Colombia, and our people want peace. This is not a fucking game!”

Thoroughly chastised, the Americans kept quiet as Sandoval turned and left.

Javier sighed, trying to reign in his frustration to a simmer. Sure, for the Ambassador all of this probably amounted to a matter of appearances. Protecting American interests. But he and Steve saw the true cost of the war. They too wanted peace for the people of Colombia, for the people on the streets of Miami. True relief wouldn’t come from this solution— the terror would just move to the shadows.

They needed to find Escobar before his surrender was scheduled to take place. Before he won.

* * *

Connie had invited Javier for dinner that night, and despite the news from earlier in the day that was still rattling around in his head, he kept the date. After all, they were likely just as upset as he was. The company would be nice, even if company from the Murphys brought along with it a certain kind of heartbreak.

Armed with a bottle of wine— pink, sweet and light, something that suited Connie— he climbed the stairs and found his way to their front door. He knocked, but there was no answer despite the audible activity, and so he let himself in. He opened the door to what had obviously been the last dregs of an argument. Steve sat in the corner of the living room, frustration painted on his face, and Connie stood over the stove in the kitchen, face flushed equally from exertion and steam from the pot she was stirring. On her hip was the girl from the comuna , crying loudly. They both looked up at the sound of him entering the apartment, and Javier nodded in greeting, immediately making his way to the kitchen.

Connie turned to face him, frantic. “Javi, I’m so sorry, things aren’t quite ready yet—”

“Don’t be,” he said, reaching for the child and settling her on his hip. “Here, let me take over. What are you making?”

“It’s just pasta,” she sighed apologetically. ”I got held up at work.”

Javier shushed the girl, whose cries had faded into whimpers, rubbing her back as he tucked her head under his chin. “That’s alright. Go, I’ll finish up.” He angled his head toward the living room where Steve was still sitting and took the spatula that was in Connie’s hand.

He watched as she flashed him a look of appreciation and walked off. Slowly rocking his body, he looked down at the child. “Hi, baby girl,” he whispered soothingly. “I didn’t expect to see you again.” He continued trying to calm her, occasionally stirring the food while trying to tune out the low voices echoing from the other room.

A few minutes later, Steve ambled into the kitchen sheepishly. “Hey.”

Javier reached to set the burner to low. “You alright?”

Steve sighed loudly, running his fingers over his lip to smooth his mustache. “Yeah. Escobar’s deal started another argument about going back to Miami.” He stepped close, shifting to take the girl from Javier. “Thanks for getting Olivia to calm down. Connie says she thinks she has colic.”

“Olivia?”

Steve adjusted her in his arms, smiling softly. “We’re adopting her. Connie liked the name.”

Javier leaned back against the counter, floored for the second time that day. Somehow this hit harder. “Jesus, Steve.”

“She’d been wanting to start tryin’ for a kid for a while now, so this worked out,” he explained, that goofy slow smile that’s so sweet, so earnestly Steve spreading across his face. “I’ve got a little family now.”

Javier met Steve’s eye, the happiest look he could manage plastered atop his face. There had been a hope, perhaps a foolish and destructive one, that he might be able to carve out a small something with Steve. Never so foolish to wish for more than this strange and intimate camaraderie they had built, but a life beside him all the same. Dinners with him and Connie, late nights at the embassy, stolen moments on the mountaintops. He had made do in the past with less.

But this was the Murphys, was Steve, looking ahead and planning for a future beyond Escobar, beyond Colombia.

Beyond Javier.

He turned back around, reaching to the cabinet where he knew they kept their bowls. “You’ll have to let me babysit sometime. Don’t want her picking up on your abysmal Spanish.”

There was a smack on his shoulder. “Hey,” Steve laughed, indignant all the same. “It’s getting better!” He shuffled close, tilting Olivia so her big brown eyes could meet Javier’s. “This is Javi, sweetheart,” he said softly to her. “Es tu tío.”

Steve looked up, searching for praise for his display of language. Like a damn dog. Javier couldn’t help the small smile that slipped out in response. “Yeah. Abysmal.”

* * *

A number of tense days, weeks— it was hard to say when they all started to blend together— passed following the announcement of Gaviria’s acceptance of Escobar’s demands and before the deal was to take effect. Javier found himself leaned over the expansive military planning desks in the joint CIA/Mil Group offices until the early hours of the morning most nights, listening to the crackle of Carrillo and his men through the radio while they trudged through the jungle hunting the narcotraficantes .

It was a last-ditch effort. Born out of a panicked sense of logic that reasoned that if they used all the resources available to them and caught Escobar before the deal went through, it would all have been worth it. It was foolhardy. They followed any and all tips they received, blatantly used military equipment, and wasted funds. The nights were a blur of whiskey, smoke, and ties thrown over shoulders— the only indication of time passing the scratchy drawl that would slowly overtake Steve’s voice.

It was ultimately fruitless.

The day that Escobar was scheduled to turn himself in, Javier and Steve piled into the Jeep and made the haul to the outskirts of Medellín to the finca the man had been calling home for the past months. A set of coordinates that, had they known a mere days earlier, they might be making this trip en route to a victory. Instead, they rode in near-silence, Steve white-knuckled in the driver’s seat, and Javier chain-smoking out the window from the passenger’s side. They were approaching uncharted territory. Once Pablo was whisked away, the head of the beast would be hidden away, and no matter how many limbs they severed, it would live on.

They pulled up to the edge of the massive compound just as the military helicopter set to escort Escobar to his luxury prison was touching down. Javier wasn’t a praying man, but he gave silent thanks to the Jeep’s four-wheel drive as Steve pulled off the gravel track into the steep grassy embankment to get as close to the fenceline as possible. He slipped out of the seat, and trudged over to where Steve had rushed to stand. From several hundred yards away, he watched dazedly as Sandoval emerged from the chopper, and in parallel, Escobar filed out of his home. They met in the middle, signed the treaty, and just as quickly, they made their way back to the helicopter and took off.

Javier stood still, unbelieving, as the huge hulking machine was soon out of sight. His limbs felt shocky, staticky with the need to move, to do something. Beside him, his partner glanced around wildly, seemingly looking for a fix to this problem. “Shit,” Steve yelled, looking up at the sky. He set to pacing, kicking at the long grasses that threatened to tangle his steps. “Fucker.”

“Come on,” Javier called out over his shoulder, turning back to the vehicle. There was nothing left for them here; jail or not, this was still Escobar’s territory. And they were still DEA agents. “Let’s get the hell home.”

It was dark by the time they got back to their apartment building in Bogotá. Cool and balmy, the air still as it is before the sky opens up. Steve pulled the Jeep along the curb, not bothering to use the underground parking, and threw the gear into park with a heavy hand and an equally heavy sigh. “Connie and Olivia are probably already asleep,” he murmured, glancing at Javier. “Do you have any alcohol?”

“Just guaro,” Javier replied, laughing at the grimace that graced his partner’s face.

“That shit tastes like licorice, how the hell d’you drink it?”

“Quickly.” He peeled himself from the passenger seat and climbed out of the car. “Take it or leave it,” he called out, starting up the stairs to the front door. He smiled to himself at the metallic thunk of the driver’s side door closing, and Steve’s audible grumbling as he hurried to follow.

They ambled down the short flight of stairs to Javier’s apartment, unlocking and pushing through the flimsy wooden door. Javier made his way to the kitchen and fished his wallet and pistol from his jeans to place on the counter alongside his keys. Steve had booked it to the lounge and was methodically pulling one of Javier’s records from its sleeve and setting the pin to play. Javier anticipated the first chords of One of These Nights before he heard them but still rolled his eyes, exhaling a laugh. Predictable.

“The Eagles again, Murphy?”

Steve sat down heavily on the leather couch, kicking his feet up onto the low table like he owned the place. “It’s good music. This one’s got Take it to the Limit on it.”

“Who do you think bought the record,” Javier mumbled to himself with a smile, grabbing the bottle of aguardiente from the cabinet. Antioqueño. Carrillo had given it to him as a Christmas gift the year before as a joke— a reference to the inter-state regulations on aguardiente . Their own small-scale smuggling ring; the irony of opening the bottle for the first time that particular night was not lost on him.

He didn’t bother with shot glasses, breaking the seal on the lid and bringing the mouth of the bottle to his lips. He swallowed roughly. They made this shit strong in Medellín.

Moving to join Steve, Javier handed his partner the bottle over the back of the couch and rounded the corner to take a seat at the other end. He watched as Steve drank deeply, throat working desperately to keep up with the man’s desire for inebriation. He handed the guaro back with a cough, several inches of liquor missing from the container.

“Jesus, Steve.”

“I'm callin’ in sick tomorrow,” Steve choked out, his accent already starting to thicken.

“And stick me with all the paperwork there is to send back to Washington because of this prison stunt? I don’t think so, Murphy.”

“We’ll both play hooky then,” he said with a wink.

They sat there for a while, trading the bottle back and forth, Javier taking sips in between Steve’s gulps, and listening to the music filtering warmly through the small stack of speakers.

Finally, Steve broke the quiet. “What the hell are we going to do now, Javi?”

Javier took in his partner’s form. His head was tipped back over the edge of the cushions, eyes tired but sharp with a renewed anger. His fist was closed tight around the neck of the bottle. “About what?”

Steve sat up, accusation on his face. “About the prison. About Escobar. We fuckin’ lost extradition too,” he listed, tongue sounding heavy in his mouth.

“We’ll figure something out,” Javier consoled, only half believing himself. “Pablo is bound to slip up somewhere.”

“I jus’ don’t get it.” Steve shifted, looking restless, uncomfortable in his skin suddenly. He took another drink of the guaro. “We did everything right. We played by the rules. It was s’posed to work.”

“He hit them where it hurt.” Javier leaned forward, gently easing the bottle from Steve’s grip. Hooky or not, Antioqueño was too strong to be drinking like water.

“Don’t the good guys win? Aren’t we the good guys, Javi?”

No, we’re not. But that wasn’t what Steve needed to hear, so Javier held his tongue. The silence might have been enough of an answer.

He looked at Javier, the anger in his eyes turned frantic. “Am I a bad guy? Am I a bad person? Are you?”

“Steve, I—”

“Have’ya ever cheated on someone, Javi?”

That gave Javier pause. He studied his partner, trying to find some indication of what the hell was going on, but found nothing. He sighed, thinking back. Technically, no, but he certainly wasn't the standard of morality in relationships. “I never claimed to be a saint.”

At that, Steve went quiet, leaning on his knees to place his head in his open palms. The faint hum and clicking that signaled the end of the record filled the room, and Javier stood to flip sides. He shuffled across the wooden floor, before pressing the button to stop the turntable’s motor, lifting the arm, and flipping the wax. He restarted the motor, and just as soon as the needle was reset, hands were grabbing at his shoulders and he was shoved up against the wall.

The back of his head hit the hard surface, setting his vision to spin. “What the hell—” he managed to grind out, and then Steve’s lips were crashing against his own, craving, biting, set to bruise. He froze in shock before responding blindly, knotting his fingers in the wrinkled fabric of his polo, and taking simple pleasure in the heat of Steve’s mouth, the rasp of stubble against his skin.

Steve shifted, slotting one of his long legs between Javier’s and drawing a punched-out groan from the man. He pressed the whole length of his body against Javier, seemingly trying to crawl inside his skin. His lips moved to mouth at the junction where neck and jaw met, moaning against the pulse.

“Please Javi, please,” he whined, desperate.

The sound of his name shocked Javier from his daze. “Steve,” he said, pulling at the short hairs on the back of his neck, trying to gently extract himself. “Steve, stop.”

Steve didn't let up though, grasping at his chest and pressing impossibly closer.

Grunting, he grabbed Steve’s shoulders and forcibly spun them, pinning his back against the wall and wrists above his head. “I said stop,” he gritted out. “It can’t be like this.” He looked up, meeting Steve’s shifting gaze. His eyes were rimmed red and glassy, breath heaving. Despite it all, Javier still found him beautiful. “You don’t get to use me for whatever this is— as some sort of fucking morality test.”

To his credit, Steve straightened some, and Javier let his wrists fall. “What do I do, Javi,” he asked, sounding so young. So lost.

“You’re going to go upstairs,” Javier whispered, already feeling the loss. He reached to tuck an errant strand of hair behind Steve’s ear, trailing his knuckles along his cheek as he pulled away. Savoring this final moment. “To your wife. To your child. You’ll wake up in the morning and you won’t remember this. And you’ll still be a good man.”

Steve’s eyes were glassy and he blinked rapidly, looking everywhere but at his partner. He slumped against the wall, the adrenaline of the moment leaving his body and inebriation taking over.

Javier bent to sling Steve’s arm over his shoulders as support. “I’ll help you home.”

Slowly, staggeringly, Javier managed to maneuver Steve up the flight of stairs, coming to a stumbling stop in front of the second-floor apartment. He fished the keys out of Steve’s pocket and attempted to shove the key into the lock, but it proved difficult while supporting the full weight of his partner.

“Work with me, cabrón,” he gritted out.

The door began to cautiously open from the other end, and then Connie was in the doorway in her pajamas, eyes squinted against the bright light of the hallway.

“Javi?” she murmured questioningly, looking at the scene before her. “God, Steve.”

Javier steeled himself. “He had a few too many. Didn’t want to wake you and the baby.”

“Hi, Con,” Steve drawled, giving a feeble wave.

Together, they managed to get Steve into bed, and after, Connie escorted Javier back out. He shifted to stand on his hip, keeping his voice low. “Don’t bother waking him up tomorrow. I’ll call him in sick,” he instructed, unable to meet her eye.

Connie leaned up against the arch of the doorway. “Thank you,” she said softly, earnest. “We’re really lu—”

“Don’t,” he interjected, shame and guilt hot in his stomach. Fire on the back of his neck. He took a breath, recovering quickly. “No thanks needed. He’s my partner.”

She smiled, warm and appreciative. “Goodnight, Javier.”

The door closed softly behind her with a metallic clink, and he immediately rushed back down the stairs to his own apartment and the countertop where his lighter and pack of cigarettes lay. He fumbled with the container, finally fishing one out and struggling to light it. He took a deep drag when it finally caught, never more grateful for the nicotine.

He grabbed the carton and moved back to the lounge, settling heavily on the couch once again. Leaning forward, he grabbed the bottle of guaro left abandoned on the coffee table and finished off the last few mouthfuls. The alcohol was warm against the numbness that had begun to settle in his limbs.

The record had long since finished, and once again spun idly, but he didn’t move to turn off the machine. Instead, he sunk lower into the leather, fixing his gaze on the wall beside it while he smoked. Resigning himself to a sleepless night, he mourned.

* * *

Steve awoke the next day, heavy-limbed, head pounding, and with a crystal-clear recollection of the night before. Total sensory recall of the way Javi’s mouth had felt against his own, the grip of those rough hands in his hair, the heat and weight of his body.

Javi had lied.

Steve did not forget. And Steve certainly did not feel like a good man— personally or professionally.

So that night, when the CIA field unit called him at home with reports of an intercepted call detailing a party at a club in downtown Medellín where several tip sicarios would be meeting, he passed the information on to Carrillo and the Search Bloc, despite the cease and desist in place. And the next morning, when he was called to photograph the scene, bodies of narcos and civilians alike strewn across the concrete, he realized this was just a part of the war. That wars were won in shades of gray.

#narcos #javier pena #steve murphy #stavier #mustache boyfriends #javier peña #pedro pascal #i realized that not everyone uses ao3 so id post here as well?#if you want the other chapters and dont want to use that site just let me know and I can work something out!! :))#fanfic

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thejosh1980 · 3 years ago

Text

Little Wing

(Trigger warning: animal/pet death)

Today, right now, I am sat at the spot where Mijo felt his last sunrise, just 24 hours ago.

He was 28 weeks old, he spent 20 of those weeks with me, and my family. He was my family. He was thrust upon me by my wife and mum, who knew Mijo would be the kind of birthday present I'd want, but could never ask for.

When he arrived he was unexpected. Straight from the car, into my bedroom, onto my lap, what a surprise, it was love at first sight. Those eyes, that tail, that round belly, the fur, I was all in. I had to say goodbye to 4 beautiful pets whom I loved dearly when I left Germany, so then and there I made a quiet, whisper promise to Mijo;

“I'll never ever leave you”...

We began like any other Daddy and cat story, playing, eating, talking to each other. We may have made a few messes on the bed learning to potty train, but I couldn't really fault him, he was perfect. He loved cuddles, got under our feet all the time, talked to us a lot and wanted to be a part of everything happening around the house.

He meowed very loudly too. Sometimes he'd meow from the next room sounding lost and worried. That's when I started to realized something was very different about him. It took about 2 weeks, but then I realized, he was totally deaf!!!! No vacuum cleaner, loud bangs, claps, or door slams could get his attention. When he meowed loudly, it was either because he had to, to feel himself meowing in his head, or he was missing us and could smell us, but not hear us in the next room. I had never had a cat who couldn't hear me call their name, so this was going to be a challenge.

Mijo accepted that challenge...

In a short time I figured out how to clicker train him, using a torch. I love training cats. Most folks think it's impossible, but I've taught cats to fetch, sit and come on command in the past.... So, pretty soon I had him jumping up, over and across chairs and tables on cue. I also learnt a way to “call” him; assuming he could see me, if I knelt down and tapped my leg, he'd come a running. Every time. We had it all figured out.

Grab a harness and a lead, and off we go, walking around the garden. This wasn't a cat, this was a dog. He had very little fear, I mean, he couldn't even hear the birds making a racket or the car driving by or the dog barking next door. He was fixated on me.

I bought him a blow up boat, to use in the pool, to help him get used to floating on water. It was a huge boat for his little size, but he'd hop in, and I'd “treat” him while he got used to the motion. The plan was to build him up to a real boat, or canoe or SUP. I could imagine him walking on water.

He was also great with other cats, so I could take him to visit his cousin and they'd play all day (if we'd let them). He'd come with me to visit other family and then... well, then the real adventures started. Mijo and I could go to the river, the park and the beach. We also went for coffee at the busiest part in the local village, and he took it all in his stride. We took bike rides too, as he sat in a special backpack I had for him. I could hold him while skateboarding or put him on my shoulder as I walked around. He was chill, happy to see and smell his silent world.

When Alex or I came home, and he'd be in the bedroom snoozing or gazing out the window, we could come in, take off our shoes, put our stuff down, maybe run to the loo, then we could snuggle up with him, cause he hadn't heard us arrive. He would just be waiting... He'd just wait for someone to step close enough, blow on his ear, feel a vibration and then he'd meow a big BIG hello, purr and snuggle. He was a no pressure cat... But always ready for hugs and pats.

Besides being deaf, he just didn't seem like any other cat I'd had or even met...

But isn't the way it is with all pets? They're all unique.

He loved Alex. He always had a hard decision between my lap and hers, or sleeping close to one or the other. We had a son to take care of, to love and to enjoy. At the beginning, Alex wasn't sure about having a cat, she'd pretty much always been a dog person, but it didn't take long for Mijo to wrap her around his little paw. She was hooked.

We thought he was going to be grow up to become a big boy. You know, Maine Coon sized 5-6 or maybe 7 kilo. We had high hopes for a dog-like cat, big enough to take on the world. We wanted to show him the world too.

After he had his snip (desexing) in mid March, he wasn't very well, and it really traumatized all of us, we just weren't sure why he took it so badly. He was in a lot of pain, even though the operation itself was quick and really good, with no issues. He would spend the day, in his “bread loaf” position, with his nose to the ground. It was like he was conserving all his energy for when we came home or wanted his attention.

Eventually, after a few weeks he bounced back, back to being his usual self, for a while. He actually lost a lot of fur during this time, most likely due to a reaction to the antibiotics and pain killers. Where his collar and harness were, he lost all his hair. It only took a few days, a bit too quick to realize what was going on, he rarely wore the collar or harness after that. It meant we sometimes lost him in the house without his bell on to tell which room he was in, so I'd be running around turning on and off the lights to get his attention and a meow.

It was our fun game of “Mijo Polo”.

We had noticed he wasn't eating as much, and he wasn't as playful. In fact, all his toys were being ignored, and he rarely chased anything we teased him with. When we took him for playtime with his cousin, he wouldn't last as long play fighting. Something was up, we thought he'd bounce back by now.

Overall, he was a very chilled cat, having just had an operation and now with, ringworm, a tooth problem (one adult tooth was causing him problems and needed to be pulled) maybe that was why he wasn't too interested in food. Surely it wasn't bacteria, an infection or a virus in his blood.

In early May, Mijo developed ringworm, which, by the way, isn't a worm but rather a fungal infection. The vet already had us on anti fungal cream day and night. It's very unusual to get ringworm; it's all around us, but a strong immune system, actually, a decent immune system, would fight off any infection naturally. Cats generally just lick it all off their fur. Humans sometimes get it, from a scratch or a wound. It's in the soil, it's in the air.

When we got the treatment for the ringworm, we also gave him an appetite stimulant, to encourage him to eat, but it made little difference. As nothing changed, we went back to the vet a few days later, and did a hypothyroidism test; the results were borderline.

What could be going on?

At the time of his desexing operation, he was 1.7 kilos, a week later he was down to 1.5 and eventually 1.45 kilo. His body was growing a little, but his muscle and fat wasn't.

We talked to the vet and decided, even though his ringworm was infectious, the tooth had to go, sooner rather than later. It seemed logical that it was his biggest barrier to fulfilling his dietary requirements and his well being. We wanted him fattening up, growing up, and being his usual self again, ASAP. We needed to get him back on track towards good health, enough was enough.

On Monday 17th May I dropped the little guy off at the vet for the day. A check up and a tooth pull.

Before any cat gets an anesthetic, they run a simple blood test to determine if the cat is well enough. During the day we got a call that the operation couldn't happen, and that he'd have to stay in over night or longer, with meds to help him, because his red cell blood count was low. 10%. Most cats need around 40%, if there's any complication with the tooth pull, his blood may not clot.

It's official, he was very unwell.

I was at school when I got the news. I was in shock. Our little boy was that unwell? But he does eat (a little), he does walk on the lead with me, he's eating his treats... was he that unwell?

Suddenly we had to decide on some expensive tests to figure out what was wrong with him. I mean, the red blood cells were being eaten up by the white ones, but why?? We arranged the suggested tests and they kept him in over night.

I was very distraught. How can my little guy be so unwell yet behave well? With that blood count, he shouldn't be able to walk, he should be so lethargic that he can't keep his head up!! He should be in a coma.

All in all, theoretically, he should be dead.

So was it dwarfism, hypothyroidism, mycoplasma??? And and and?? Tests... Blood being taken.. Our boy in the vet over night, alone, worried, scared??? Will he make it through the night? I didn't sleep well...

On Tuesday afternoon the vet let us bring him home. His blood level was down to 9.1%. The idea was that, at least at home he'd have cuddles and love, and that might help his immune system. He was lethargic but not completely terrible. I would need to bring him in on Wednesday for another blood test, to see how he was doing.

On Wednesday, it didn't go well, Mijo had gone from 9 to 8.1% blood level. It was now becoming almost impossible to get any blood out of him. I saw how difficult it was 2 weeks earlier when he had the hypothyroid test, they had to try on both legs and his neck to get a half mil of blood! He was a champ and barely complained. But now, I couldn't imagine the pain he went through with even less blood.

He's been that sick for how long?? Why hadn't we noticed?

We were panicking.

The vet suggested we meet with a mature, more experienced doc, on Thursday. We should be able to figure something out, we had to. Each day = less blood = more chance of...

Well, I am a hopeful guy. I realize, I live on hope. I spent years hoping certain people in my life would change, or love me in a way that I feel some love. I always hope things will change for the better. I don't know why, but it's ingrained in me to feel hopelessness or hope... I think I'm never in the middle... or is that called acceptance? OK, maybe I do feel that too, eventually... But it takes a long long time...

I have videos of Mijo on Thursday 20th, he's cleaning himself in the sun, meowing and purring, happy to see me, walking around the garden with me. Full of life and adventure.

At lunch time, Mijo and I go to the vet. He is his usual cute self, always curious at the vets, and now there's a the new guy he's meeting, what an adventure.

Before he opens the cat box he said something along the lines of “Well, because his blood levels are so low, today is really about deciding if he goes to heaven or not...” I'm not sure, but I know I heard words like “heaven” and “euthanasia” early on in the consultation. Shock was setting in. I barely heard anything else he said, luckily we had Alex on the speaker phone.

Turns out, not only is our little guy deaf, he's an anomaly.

Any cat with 8.1% should be comatose. They should barely be able to walk. They certainly can't pee or poo without help and don't drink or eat much. Mijo came out of his box and sniffed around, was alert and ready to meet the new guy!!

The vet was stumped. He had never seen this before, in over 30 years...

We didn't know he was so sick, because, he was, overall, a well behaved cat. His weight he lost, sure, but he was now at least stable. He was eating, it just took a lot of creativity sometimes to spark his interest (mostly warming up meals and giving him treats).

The vet tried to explain to me, but I'm sure Alex on the phone understood it clearly, that we had very little time, well, no time. We had 3 choices that day. Go to a specialist an hour's drive away, give Mijo steroids and hope he had mycoplasma or Immune mediated hemolytic anemia (IMHA) or, lastly, euthanasia.

Wait???? What does that even mean??

The specialist would give him a blood transfusion, and some special custom drugs which should help him. The vet said it could cost in the 10s of thousands, and may help Mijo for a few weeks, but it's not a solution that we are sure would be long term or not.

Giving Mijo steroids would give him a fighting chance, or not... Basically it could cure or kill him. Because we aren't sure what is the cause of the low blood count, it could be IMHA, mycoplasma or something else, but it's a best educated guess at this rate. If it is the wrong choice, he may die quicker than expected.

Euthanasia, no explanation needed.

We decided on steroids. According to the vet, there was a 50/50 chance it would work. If the cause of the blood cells killing off each other was for or against steroids, we'd know soon enough. Still shocked I tried to understand it all. I'm so grateful Alex was on the line and knows this stuff through experience and study.

The idea of taking Mijo an hour's drive north to the specialist, to a cubicle, a place where we may not be with him 24/7, on the off chance that he wouldn't make it and die alone, we couldn't fathom that.

Mijo took the steroid injection like a champ, he always did injections well. He was given some antibiotics to also help. The vet said, that by Saturday we'll know if it was the right decision. We'd know if he would be getting better...

It was decided that on Monday 24th we'd go back in for a blood test to actually see if the steroids were working (cause apparently one can't really tell with Mijo's behavior, the cheeky monkey).

Mijo and I came home, and well, he ate, he was purring, sitting on my lap. The usual deal. When I went out to get the washing in, he tried to go out too, something we, as parents, have been very protective about. He doesn't go out alone, he doesn't go out without a lead or a bell. He's not an easy cat to find if he runs off, not that he has ever tried. He deaf, he can't hear cars or other dangers out there.

I promised him I'd take him out to that side of the house/garden that afternoon...

So we did, we went out, we sat down, he explored. He was well, good, better, best. He was my boy. He trusted me, I trusted him. I'm always amazed how well he walks by my side, like a dog, with loose leash... Taking my steps as cues when to walk, and when to stop.

We also met the neighbor's dog, which was a first, both were not really interested in each other... But still, Mijo knew there's a lot to live for...

Overnight he went great... Woke up with him on my chest relaxing waiting for me to get up and feed him, luckily I have a wife who had to get up for work at that moment. I remember she sang him a lullaby and held him like a baby. It was really sweet to see how much love they had for each other. Rock-a-bye Mijo...

We wanted to him feel as much love as we could. We felt that, if the steroids and antibiotics were doing their part, and we did ours, there's nothing he can't beat. And he sure felt the love...

I held him while doing some singing exercises, close to my chest. It was something we hadn't done before, and he purred. He'd look up and meow every time I stopped making vibrations. He felt it, I felt it, it was a connection.

We spent a lot of time, reading, relaxing and sitting on laps. Alex and I cuddled him, told him we loved him. He was really fighting. He was eating. He was a little more playful than in recent weeks. He wanted to live. We could feel it...

He went from eating half a packet to 1.5 packets a day, plus dry food. He always wanted treats, and I was always glad to oblige.

By Saturday he was wonder cat! Kneading... Purring... Chasing toys... Eager to hang out...

We'd overcome the problem! He was getting better. There's fight, love and life left in him. He was amazing. If it hadn't been for his ringworm (which was also healing very very well) I'd say he was perfect, especially once he put on another few grams...

We had 4 awesome days, loads of energy and love. He was never alone in the house, and rarely alone in a room. We wanted him to know, to feel, that we loved him so deeply and that all we want was him in our life, for adventures and cuddles.

On Monday morning, his appetite went down... He didn't really eat much...

We all left for the day, work and school. I think we were all worried, but he'd been so good and improved so so much, that we were sure he'd be fine. We have the blood test booked for the afternoon, I'm sure he'll pep up by then. The injection could be wearing off too...

Mijo and I went in to the vet, and his test came back at 14%!!! Damn, that's 6 points!! The vet expected 3 to be a big improvement. In fact, if he had 3 or less, euthanasia may have been the only option... Happy days! He was well. He's going to live! He'll be fine.

We're not out of the woods yet, but we are in the right direction.

All that love we lavished on him, not just in the past days, but the past 4 months. The adventures, the friends he'd made (both human and animal) the smells and sights he'd seen, the vibrations he felt, it was all coming together... He was a fighter with a lot of love to give...

We were over joyed. Really, I couldn't have been happier when I got the results. I gave a “whoop” and threw my fist in the air (I've never done that before in my life!).

We changed to tablet form steroids, as they'll be better long term, keep up the antibiotics and off we go...

But we all know, that often people and animals, when they know they are dying, they give it one last shot. And that was it... We didn't realize until Wednesday, that he wasn't actually going to get better...

Mijo stopped grooming himself, he slowly ate less and less... He became more and more lethargic, he started to sit in the “bread loaf” position with his nose on the ground, as he did after the snip, resting. We thought it was the change in steroids, and as I was at school and the girls at work, we just kept thinking he'd pep up eventually.

When I left for school Wednesday morning, he was alert, but lethargic. When I came home early to check on him, he had really changed again.

His belly was a little bloated, but he had hardly eaten. He had trouble walking, it seemed like it was a mix of muscle degradation/pain and confusion. His meowing changed to a high pitch cry, similar to that of a young kitten. He also stopped eating, he wouldn't even touch any of his tasty treats. He searched for any bit of sun to stand in, but he was looking so uncomfortable, his posture had changed, half sitting, half standing. I was grateful, when I carried him to his water bowl, that he drank a lot. He also went to the toilet, I held his tail so he didn't make a mess on himself.

We spent the afternoon outside, as the sun started to set. He loved the sun, I wanted him to feel warmth... I held him, talked to him. I don't know now many times I asked him to please hold on, please fight and that I loved him. He looked more comfortable in the sun.

I did film us walking around the pool. I am forever grateful for technology, so that I could just put my phone down, touch a button and record a moment. As we walked and talked, oblivious to the camera, I recognized a change in his breathing... I may have missed it previously, but for sure, his breath was becoming more and more labored. Every 3 or 4 breaths, he just had to try harder... His eyes were changing too... But I was sure he could recognize me, the way the vibrations from my chest reached his body and the way I smell. He would react from time to time, shifting or clawing at me.

He often touched my chest with his paw. Reaching out...

Mum and I went to the vet late Wednesday afternoon, the earliest we could. I explained it must be the change of steroids. No, it wasn't. They were the same type, it was just that he wasn't able to fight anymore. We discussed the specialist, called them and made a plan to go in first thing in the morning. I arranged for a friend to come with me, and Thursday morning bright and early, we were going up to get Mijo cured. Transfusion, drugs, you name it, we were going to do it. We had to, we told him we'd make him better.

There and then, Alex and I decided to trade in our honeymoon, you know from the wedding we had 13 months ago and still haven't done the traditional thing of a week or two away somewhere. We decided the money we had aside for that, would go to Mijo's specialist costs, because without Mijo, our honeymoon, whatever and whenever we decide to do it, wouldn't be worth doing, if he wasn't around.

I made a firm plan on how to help him through the night. We would hold him in shifts... All 3 of us... If one showered, the other held him. Dinner time, we shared the responsibility, not that we ate much anyhow. We cuddled, we talked, we purred, I would blow gently on his head... He was feeling love and he was fighting...

Because he hadn't eaten all day, we decided to try feeding him with a syringe, with success. With the tablets we were putting into his stomach, I felt he needed something else down there too... With a small syringe, he took it well, lapping up a tasty liquid treat.

When it was bed time, we put pillows around the bed, incase he fell, because he was very wobbly on his feet. He would cry out at random times, possibly from pain, but I think more from confusion. He sometimes wanted to get away from us, as we know, pets know when it's time and usually disappear, isolate.

We barely slept. I managed about 3 hours... But it was tough.. He wouldn't stay still, and eventually we put him in his little bed, near our bed... Of course he didn't stay there long.

At 4am I heard him crying... I found him under the bed... Alex woke up too... His breathing had changed a lot... Every breath was labored. He wasn't getting enough oxygen.

I laid on my back, and Mijo laid on my chest. This was how it often was, especially when I was reading... We did that until around 7am... Alex taking turns, holding him, talking to him, loving him. Mijo could barely hold himself up, he just laid in our arms... Breathing... His eyes began to glaze over...

We discussed our options, we felt the specialist was now a long shot. We didn't think he'd make the drive, he was near the end. Our little man had little fight left... And we wouldn't forgive ourselves for him dying in a foreign place. There were a lot of tears and back and forwards, including mum coming in for cuddles with the little guy at 5am...

Alex called the emergency vet, and we planned to go in at 8:30... Mijo's time had come...

When the sun comes up, if the blind is open in our bedroom, the sun shines right on through to Alex in bed, Mijo was in her arms, while she drank coffee as the sun rose.

Sometime later I took the little guy out to the pool, where we walked and talked, cuddled and loved, around and around, in the morning sun. I talked to him about all the adventures we had, riding bikes, visiting people, the beach and the river. I spent most of that hour, holding him, looking to his eyes... He gazed up, I just hope he knew it was me. I just knew he felt the vibrations of my words.

We both told him, it was OK to let go now. We were ready. But he kept on fighting for each breath... I think he was just like his Dad, always hopeful..

He last moments at home, where in the chair I'm sat in now. It gets the best light, first thing, even though it's inside the “catio”. Alex had sat down while I was walking outside, I seem to do better when I walk, and I brought him in for cuddles with her in the sun... He was bathed in sunshine, in Alex's arms... It was beautiful...

Actually getting in the car and going to the vet, was tough, but it really hit me when I walked in. I held the little guy, and just burst into middle-aged-man tears and sobbing... If you were there, you'd know I was my mother's son, cause she was sobbing too... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... I didn't understand what was going on, or about to go on...

I think I was in another place...

We went into a consult room, and I just laid the little guy down, not thinking of using the blanket we had... The vet explained the procedure and took him away for his catheter and first injection, some anesthetic? I don't know, but apparently it was the right thing, it helped with his pain.

I couldn't even look Alex or Mum in the eye... I just cried...

I still had hope...

When they came back, Mijo was wrapped in a soft blanket, what a great idea...!! He was quieter, more peaceful... The vet left to give us a moment...

He was still breathing, still fighting... I put my ear to his face, and heard him...

I kept making sure his eye lids closed from time to time. I remember back when Catalina, my little girl in Germany, needed to be anesthetized for a check up. The vet put some put liquid drops in her eyes and made her blink, so her eyes didn't dry out... So for Mijo, I did that every once in a while... I didn't want his eyes to dry up... I wanted him to be able to see me, because laying on that table, he couldn't hear me.

I begged Alex not to bring the vet back in for the final injection... I think I may have screamed something at her... I don't know... I wasn't me... I was trying to hold him in my arms, without moving him... I was trying to give him another chance...

I bawled...

I don't know if I have ever cried like that before... I thought I'd be all cried out... I thought all my tears had already left the building the previous hours and days... But there was more... a lot more... and more to come...

I know that Alex and I held hands over his body... I felt the love... I felt his warmth... his breathing... I know I cried tears onto him, there were tear drops on his lips...

I looked him in the eye as much as I could, but mostly, I cried...

I felt the liquid go into him, I felt it go around my hand into him...

I don't know much about what happened after that... I know I didn't want to leave him, I had promised him I would never do it. I regret not holding him once more... I know that at that moment, I felt the life drain out of me... I felt hope die...

I walked out, not knowing what to do, and flopped down on the grass outside... I never sit on grass, but Mijo liked it...

I managed to drive home...

That was yesterday...

Since then I've tried to rest, tried to come to grips with what has happened, tried to connect with a few friends, I've tried... I'm still trying...

This morning I got up wanting to do some sport, washing, then study and take on the day with confidence... It's a new day, I should take that opportunity to get back into my routine... It took all of 1 minute, from bed to bathroom, to be bawling... Except for the time I manage to calm down enough to type this blog, I've been crying... It's now 10am... I was awake at 6:15...

We are running out of tissues..

I felt so bad this morning, I wanted to plead with Alex not to go to work, because I just can't today. I just can't. We have discussed how she copes in these situations, and I know that's how she copes, by going to work, so I kept my trap shut. I just want her to hug me all day, so I can feel her warmth.

I cried so much on the drive to drop mum off at work this morning, she started crying too, and contemplated not going to work... She wanted to be there for me, but I told her, honestly, I don't think I'd be much company today.

I don't know the grieving process, we haven't learnt that in counseling school yet, but I do know, I'm feeling very lost... I feel very numb...

I can't explain it, and maybe that's why folks can never really explain how they feel after someone close to them, or their pet, has passed. We are just lost.

I also feel that I am grieving for my other losses in my life. It's a bit like, it's a culmination of all the others before him, plus him on top, making me feel pain like I have never experienced before.

Grief is just love, with no place to go... Alex and I talked about that quote last night. I used this quote to help me through leaving my 4 pets in Germany, I know I have to find a new place for my love, but for now, I just can't.

I know I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of my Mum and Alex...

While Mum cries at the drop of a hat, she is solid and thoughtful and loving. Alex is strong and experienced in these matters. She knew what to say, and when, even if I did yell back… Both have a lot of time and patience for me.

I know Alex and Mum feel bad, maybe even guilty, for choosing him. Mijo was a present, to give me joy and love and comfort. And he sure did, in multitudes, to all of us. I would never have gotten a cat back then, I didn't feel Alex or I were ready, we were still working through our issues with our pets in Germany.

Alex and I decided that we want Mijo home with us. He was only on this earth for 6.5 months, we expected him to be with us for 10+ years. Taken too early. Once he's cremated we'll have him in a little urn. He was so small, but if there's a little left over, we will either plant a tree with his ashes or sprinkle him down by the river, the first place he went to that was close to water.

The past day or so, I have shared what happened with some friends, classmates and family, and everyone has been so thoughtful and caring. Thank you, it's really helped to know you're all out there, thinking of the little guy. He would have loved to meet you all.

He was perfection. If someone else had gotten him, realized he was deaf, they may not have given him the adventures and life he had. Mum considers him a rescue cat...

So here I am, in the chair, his last chair in his last moments at home.

I can still smell him on my shirt. When I walk around the house, dazed, I sniff my shirt. He had a wonderful smell. The smell of love and adventure. I hope that smell lasts a life time.

I miss his warmth, his meow, which was damn loud!! I miss, that sometimes he'd get lost around the house... Or he'd lose me, around the house. He was gentle, and only bit me once, by accident, piercing my thumb a little. I miss the fact he had 1 tooth growing forward, directly out, making him a tri-toothed kitten with a protruding top lip! He took on the world without fear. I've never experienced anything like it in a cat. My girl Catalina did sit on my shoulder as I walked down the street in Germany, but Mijo, he let me go skateboarding with him, played guitar with me (he'd chew the strings) and one time, I even vacuumed his tail.

All trust. No fear.

Back when he lost all his hair around his neck and stomach after his snip operation, we were pretty concerned. Funnily enough, it grew back pretty quickly, but it grew back white, not grey. He had a ring around his neck and kind of marks on his back wrapping around to his belly. Alex googled it, and actually found out, cats can often have their hair grow back white after trauma or experiencing extremes of temperature if their hair was cut short or fell out.

About a month ago, I sent my dearest of friends, Sandra, a photo of his regrowth, and she commented looks like “little angel wings”...

Fly on little wing, fly on...

RIP Mijo Angus

12-11-2020 – 27-05-2021

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#pet #pet love #pet death #sad story #loss #griefandloss

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reservethesun · 4 years ago

Note

36 + 40 for milphukong please since we didn't have enough of them.

ahh yes. i agree. we definitely did not get enough of them. i also have other Thoughts about the pairing, but i’ll keep that away from here before i start rambling. anyway! i hope you enjoy. (also please ignore the .5 second glimpse at the ghost ship i now have in this fandom thanks to @craveforthegrave bossphuak rise) [ prompt post ]

36. “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.” + 40. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.”

WC: 859

He hadn’t meant to laugh. Truly, he hadn’t. But Phukong had not been able to stop the short laugh that had escaped him at Mil’s words.

The two of them had been hanging out. They’d gotten to know one another better. It had gotten easier after Phukong had gotten into the same department. Mil had purposely maneuvered things so that he could be Phukong’s mentor - providing help with classes, helping him adjust to being on campus and the like. It was cool. Phukong had been enjoying himself and finding his place in the university. He’d made friends both in the department, and outside of it. Plus, being there made it easy for him to go find Sarawat and tease his brother about… well, everything. He also got to hang out with Tine, who was fun to talk with. Especially when he would share information that Phukong could later use to tease Sarawat with. He’d been very surprised to find out that Sarawat’s friend Man was dating Tine’s brother. He was also pretty sure that one of Tine’s friends had some sort of weird thing going on with Boss, but he wasn’t quite sure what was going on there. To be honest, he wasn’t sure they knew what was going on there.

Still. Mil’s comment had not been something he had expected to hear. They were friends. He knew they were friends. He also knew that they’d had the discussion of Mil leaving his heart open for him, but still. Phukong had not actually expected to hear those words come out of Mil’s mouth. He had stopped giving himself hope on the matter a long time ago. “Sorry. I don’t mean to laugh,” Phukong said with a shake of his head as he focused on his sketchbook. “I just- You don’t have to say things like that for my sake.”

“I didn’t,” Mil replied from his spot next to Phukong. They were sitting on the couch in his apartment, having gone there to work on their homework together. Phukong had found that he enjoyed it, even though they weren’t working on the same things. Just hanging out was nice. Though he wasn’t sure how much longer they would be doing that if Mil kept telling him things that he wanted to hear without meaning them.

Phukong nodded his head with a non-committal hum and continued to work on his sketch until he realized that Mil was just sitting there watching him. “Wait. What?”

Mil laughed a little that time, though it was as hesitant as the unsure smile that tugged up on the corner of his lips. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you,” he told Phukong. His voice was steady and sure, leaving no room for doubt or hesitation. It nearly made Phukong drop the pencil in his hand. “And I didn’t say it just because I thought you wanted to hear it.”

“What?” It wasn’t something he had thought would happen. He had been accepting the fact that he and Mil were friends and were going to remain that way. He wasn’t even sure if he still had feelings for Mil anymore. (That was a lie he told himself so that he didn’t overthink everything, and the way that his heart was almost pounding spoke volumes.)

“I realized something the other day. I don’t think I ever actually really liked Tine.” Phukong started to protest, or Mil thought it was a protest. He didn’t really hear what Phukong was saying as he spoke over him instead. “I was attracted to him. He’s cute. Who wouldn’t be? But I didn’t know him. I got some idea in my head of who he was and I liked that - but that wasn’t… That wasn’t real. What I thought I felt for him wasn’t real. It was based on a lie and a pretty face.” Phukong watched Mil silently as he kept talking, trying his best to keep up and process just what all he was being told. It was all things he’d wanted to hear for a long time. It made him wonder for a moment if maybe he’d fallen asleep working on his sketch. Mil’s hand gently holding his face, making sure that he was actually looking at him instead of blankly looking ahead felt incredibly real, though. “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”

It was probably the most ridiculously corny and sappy line that he’d ever heard - and he’d heard some doozies from Sarawat to Tine - but it didn’t feel quite as ridiculous as he was sure it was supposed to. It just made him smile with a soft, almost disbelieving laugh. “Have you been watching dramas lately? Cause that’s such a line,” he said with another small laugh.

It made Mil laugh as well, lowering his hand once he was sure that Phukong wasn’t going to look away from him. “It’s true, though. And if you’re free Friday, I’d like to take you out on a date.”

“I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“Oh, yeah?” Mil chuckled again with a smile and a shake of his head. “You do that. I can wait.”

#milphukong #2gether #my fics #prompt fill #ask #anon

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shittyfandomimagines · 5 years ago

Text

that Queen shirt- S.M

Hi, I’ve been super absent and I’m so sorry. I’m starting to heal and move on with my life, so I’ve taken time off of writing, but a life without writing is not one I want. So, here’s a shitty imagine I wrote in like 30 minutes.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I mumbled to myself as my coffee hit the ground, my heart exploded with it.

“That’s not a very nice word to say.” A kids voice behind me states loudly, I could’ve jumped out of my skin. When I turn around, there was the cutest little girl standing there; her brown curls flowing down her shoulders.

“It wasn’t nice at all, I’m sorry. Where are your parents?” I ask and she frowns for a bit. “My mom had two boyfriends.” She states and I had to hide my laugh, I loved when kids overshared their parent's information.

“My daddy is somewhere, I can’t find him. I’m scared.” Her lip started to tremble and I crouched down to her level, engulfing her in a hug. “Do you know your dad's number, darling?” I ask and she nods. “He made me memorize it but I don’t have a phone.”

I handed her mine and she slowly typed in the numbers, I mean she did pretty well for a 5-year-old. I took the phone from her small hands and put it on speaker.

“Hello!” A voice frantically answered and I could tell from her eyes lighting up that it was her dad.

“Daddy!” Her little voice echoed and I heard a sigh of relief.

“Hi, this is y/n. I’m here with your daughter, she came up to me, she’s okay but a little scared. We’re on the corner of 5th Avenue, right by Joe’s Coffee Shack.” I explain while the little girl held on to my hand tightly.

“Okay, thank you. I’ll be there in like 2 minutes thank you.” The phone hung up quickly and I bent back down to her level.

“Your name is Y/n? That’s a pretty name.” She mumbled and I smiled. “What’s your name girly?” I ask while buttoning up her coat. “Millie.” She mumbles again and I grin. “Millie, what a pretty name for such a pretty girl.” I grin when she looks up hopefully.

“Really?” She asks and I nod quickly. “Of course! You’re a little superstar!” I lightly grab her hands.

I looked at my watch to see how long it’d been since the call, not even a minute yet.

“You’re a brave girl, asking for help. How’d you choose me?” I ask I was pretty curious about it.

“I was hiding over there and I saw you walking, you have the same shirt as my daddy.” She pointed to my Queen shirt. “Oh, so your dad is a music guy?” I ask and she giggles. “He’s famous and everything!” She yells and I smile. “Oh, I’m sure he is.” Seems like an adoring child who thinks their dad walks on water.

“Millie Alli Mendes, what in the world were you thinking?” We both look over, well fuck. She wasn’t lying about her dad being famous. I mean I hardly listen to newer music but everyone knew Shawn Mendes. He looks like a straight-up God. She also wasn’t lying about the shirts, we had on the exact same white T-shirt with the band's logo.

“Daddy, I’m so sorry. I saw a puppy on a leash and I followed it, it was so pretty and fluffy. I’m sorry.” Her eyes were watering and his face softened. “Don’t ever do that again, I almost had a heart attack.” He picks her up, finally taking a glance at me.

“Thank you so much —“ he waited for my name, Millie beat me to it. “Y/n. She has a pretty name, doesn’t she daddy?” She asks and he nods. “Very pretty name.” He grins widely. I had told him my name on the phone but I’m sure the adrenaline blocked it out.

“Looks like you dropped your drink, let us buy you a new one. You’ve helped me out today, it’s the least I could do.” He begs and I smile with a nod. “Sure, I can use another one.”

“When she dropped her drink, she used a very bad word daddy.” Millie giggled and I scrunch up slightly. “I did, in my defense, I was really looking forward to the drink before I spilled it.”

However, in my mind, I was thinking about how I wasn’t sure about this situation all, I was being taken to get a drink from a celebrity who lost their adorable child. But I’m not gonna be weird about it, I really wanted my marble frappe.

We ordered and sat down, Millie climbing into my lap a good 3 minutes in. “Millie, be polite and use your manners, maybe she doesn’t want you crawling over her.” He scolds and I shake my head, locking her into my arms. “No, she’s fine. I’ve grown quite fond of her.” I smile towards her, letting her eat a piece of my chocolate muffin.

“Well, you obviously have a great taste in music.” Shawn breaks the barrier, I nod. “I mean, what can I say, you do too apparently.” I joke and he shakes his head.

Time passed as we continued to talk about Millie, music, and stupid shit. It honestly felt so good, I felt like I was catching up with an old friend who I hadn’t seen in a while.

“Well, Millie has dance lessons. Maybe I can see you again soon?” He asks hopefully and I smile.

“As long as Millie is attended to when I first see her.” I joke and he rolls his eyes.

“So it's a hard yes, she’s not leaving my sights like that again.” He smiles

“Yeah? Then where is she right now?” I ask, knowing she was hiding under my legs, plus I heard her giggles.

His eyes widened in a complete panic, I almost felt bad for him but I grabbed his hand gently. I pointed toward the ground and his face relaxed dramatically. He squeezed my hand tightly before letting it go.

“I’ll see you soon. Millie get up here, now.” He sounded stern and I give him a look to be nice.

“I’m telling your grandma about what you did.” He threatens as he walks out of the door, I giggled at the goofiness between both of them. Something about them made my heart feel different, a good way but still different.

————— year & 1/2 later

“Can you please help me tonight baby? I know we’re supposed to go on our date but Mil has a fever and is sick. I can’t get ahold of the nanny, Millie won’t stop crying.” Shawn’s frantic voice filled my phone, my heart sad at the thought that he’s so stressed and that Mil was sick.

“I’ll come over, it’s gonna be alright babe. Bye.”

I stopped into the store to grab some soup before making my way to Shawn’s house, which was right down the road from my apartment.

“I’m here.” I sigh while dropping the soups onto the counter. “Thank you so much, I’m so sorry.” He pleads and I grasp the back of his neck. “Hey, you don’t have to apologize to me. I’m more than happy to stay in and watch Netflix. I can fix soup all night and give her Tylenol every 4 hours. I’m here.” I kiss his lips softly and he shakes his head. “You’re too good to me.”

“I know, but I also know you’ll find a way to make it up to me.” I wink and he shakes his head, small grin on his lips. “Yeah, I think we’ve established that before.”

“Maybe you should see her, she’d be glad to see your face instead of mine. She stopped crying 10 minutes ago when I told her you were on your way.” Shawn adds I nod. “Can you make some soup while I change, then I’ll take it to her,” I suggest and he nods. “Already laid out one of my shirts on my bed.” He smiles and I blushed slightly. “What a gentleman.”

I walked into his room, I’ve spent plenty of nights in here. It was such a beautiful space, the bed was huge and took up most of the room. Our pictures and pictures of Millie filled the halls leading to the room and the room itself.

I walked out of the room with his Queen shirt on, it fit better than mine did. I always insisted on wearing his instead, it smelled like him too, so it was a selling point.

I grab the bowl full of soup and a can of sprite, then head towards her room, her door was open and the tv slightly up.

“Y/n!” She hoarsely let out and it broke my heart. “Hey doll, I brought you something to eat. It’s so good, daddy and I had some in the kitchen.” I lied to make her feel better about eating it, Shawn had explained she didn’t want anything all day. He had to force some crackers.

She took a few bites before pushing it away, sipping on sprite slowly. Usually, this girl was like her dad, eating everything before you could blink. “I don’t feel good at all.” She groans and I take her hand into mine, other one combing through her damp curls.

“It’s gonna be alright. You’re such a tough girl and it’ll be okay.” I smile down at her, she half-heartedly smiles. “Are you staying with me? I don’t want you to get sick.” She whines and I chuckle. “You don’t have to worry about that, if I get sick I’ll just make your daddy take care of me.” I joke and send a small wink.

I could tell she was too tired to hold a full conversation, so I gave her some more Tylenol before heading out of her room with the bowl of leftover soup.

“She ate some of it, took some Tylenol and she looked almost out of it.”

“Thank you so much, I’m sorry again. I’ve just been here all day while she vomits or coughs herself to death. I mean it’s the first time I’ve seen her this sick since she was like 3.” He admits and I frown.

“Well, my years of working in a daycare where sickness spread like gossip are about to be handy.” I joke and he giggles.

“I’m so glad you’re here, you know how to make any mood better.” He groans in a delighted way.

“Well, I’m gonna eat that macaroni salad you had leftover and lay on the couch.” I grin and make my plate, taking it to the couch.

I played AGT while we ate, I heard Millie sneeze or cough occasionally.

—-

The sound of cries filled my ears, I shot up quickly and so did Shawn. “I’ve got it, rest,” I told him and I saw the hesitation in his eyes, but I pushed him back down and made my way to her room.

She was in the bathroom attached to her room, she had got sick again, luckily in the toilet. I stood over her to put her hair up in a bun, in case she did it again. I got a rag to put on her, but the feeling of her skin told me she needed a quick cold shower.

“Baby, let’s get in the shower,” I told her, she started whining and didn’t want to get in. So, I started the water and held her while we both stood underneath the cold water. I’m glad I like cold showers, or my ass would be frozen to death.

I got her out of the wet clothes, she was so whiny the whole time, as expected. Her fever was down and she went straight back to bed.

“Please don’t leave yet, I’m scared.” She called out and I nodded before sitting by her bed.

“It’s okay doll, I’m right here. It’s gonna be just fine. Let’s take some of this medicine and eat some crackers, it’ll help.”

She has finished a few saltines and took a kids NyQuil and Dramamine. By the time the medicine started to work, she was drowsy and ready to fall asleep again. “Goodnight doll.” I kiss her forehead, starting to leave the room.

“Night, mommy.” She mumbled and it stopped me in my tracks, a big smile played on my lips and I felt butterflies all over.

I made my way back to Shawn, shaking his body to wake him up. “Let’s go to bed Shawn, you’re gonna hurt your back.” I tug at his arms. “But, what if she needs us?” He asks and I continue to tug at him. “She took Dramamine and NyQuil, she’s gonna be okay.” I get him up and make our way to the bedroom.

“Why is your shirt wet?” He mumbles as he collapsed onto his bed. “She didn’t want to shower alone,” I explain shortly and he had a small grin on his face. “You’re the best girl I’ve ever had in my entire life.” He smiles up absentmindedly, I shake my head at his goofiness as I change into a different tee.

I lay beside him and he just stares at me warmly. “What?” I ask and he just shakes his head. “You’re just amazing.”

“She called me mom. I know it’s not that big of a deal because we’ve only been together for over a year and a half, plus she’s on drowsy medicine, but it warmed my soul.” His eyes widen and then went back to normal after I said it felt good.

“I mean you’re the most mom figure she’s ever had. I guess you should just move in with us.” He sounded like he was jokingly saying it. “Yeah, okay.” I laugh and he sits up a little to look over at me.

“I’m being serious now like you can move in with us. You won’t have to move that far, unlimited access to Mil and I. We love you and want you here.” He adds and my heart explodes.

“Shawn, are you sure? I’m always here or whatever, but this is different. I don’t want to rush you into this.” I brush out some of his curls, he sighed contently.

“What other girls our age, who isn’t already a mom, going to stay with someone else’s kid to make sure they make it through a virus? Or to jump in a cold shower with them? I don’t want to imagine any other good night or bad night with someone else, it’s gonna be you. I’m sure the mom role isn’t gonna be the easiest nor do I expect it from you because you’re my girlfriend, but someone like you in her life is the best I can get. You’re an outstanding woman and I don’t think I’ll ever be this close to perfection again. There’s no rushing this, it’s you.”

“Baby,” I mumbled with tears in my eyes. I mean he can’t just give me a speech like that and not expect me to want to marry him right now. “You’re the sweetest human on this earth. I just really love the two of you and I mean I love kids because I worked in a daycare, but my love for Millie is so much more. I literally just don’t want her to ever get hurt and I want to watch her grow. I love her most because she’s you, she lacks a mom but she has you and is just like you. You’re as amazingly wonderful and it’s like the tiny human form.”

“So, is that a yes to moving in or a big pretty speech before you crush my soul?” He asks and I chuckle.

“Yes I’ll move in with you, I don’t wanna do this without you guys.”

I watch his face light up more, he kisses all over my face and bear hugs me. “God, this means I get to wake up to your beautiful face every day.” He exclaimed while squeezing the life out of me.

“Can you believe that your daughter saw my Queen shirt and it led to this? Like this whole new life for us?” I ask and he chuckles into the crevice of my neck, the hot air tickling me some.

“Good thing she wasn’t scared off by your potty mouth.” He whispers and I slap his back lightly.

“Hey, don’t be a dick! I dropped my drink.” I pout even though he can’t see it.

He hums approval before nuzzling further into me, arms tight and patterns being traced.

It was calm and almost full silence before he broke it, in a quiet manner though.

“And if the mother role gets to be too much, just tell me. The last thing I want is to lose you from being pressured into it.” He whispers and I shake my head.

“It’s all gonna be alright, Freddie Mercury would believe it’s all gonna work itself out, so I will believe it too. We’re gonna be just fine, love.”

#mendes #shawn #shawn mendes #wow #imagines #shawnmendesimagines #shawnmendespreferences #shawnmendesmasterlist #shawn mendes masterlist #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes preference #shawnmendesblurb #shawnmendesangst #shawnmendesfluff #shawnmendesoneshot #shawnmendes #shawn mendes writing #shawnmendeswriting

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cellahateswinter · 4 years ago

Text

Still2gether speculation post

This post contains speculations regarding Sarawatine storyline of still2gether derived from the book '2gether special edition', BTS videos uploaded from the cast and the trailer. This will contain spoilers from the original books so if you want to avoid that you can scroll past this post. Also, these are just speculations and nothing concrete so if you feel like it would somehow affect your viewing experience for still2gether:the series in a negative way, please scroll past this post.

2gether special edition (The newest book of the 2gether series recently released by JittiRain) consists of the following major storylines for Sarawat and Tine:

Sarawat's POV (from the time when he first met Tine and all the pining and frustration he went through before he admitted it to himself and his friends that he had fallen in love and there was no getting over it)

Sarawat gets sick and Tine takes care of him

Sarawat and Tine's Anniversary

Tine gets jealous of Sarawat being a more friendly guy and replying to fan comments on IG

Tine's Birthday

We all know from the trailer that script writer (P' Aof, I believe) has added the element of a long-distance relationship between our main protagonists. And, frankly I do understand why. There is not much material in the book that could be stretched out to 5 episodes. The book currently reads mostly as snippets of Sarawat and Tine's daily life as a couple which if depicted without any conflict in the series doesn't give much material for the actors to work with. Granted long-distance relationship is the ultimate melodrama trope but definitely more preferable than the trite concept of a third party coming out of nowhere and trying to test the relationship besides they have already exhausted that trope in season 1 (cough... Mil...cough... Pam). The original book gives out more of a feeling of an epilogue rather than building up to something. But in the series they would want a story with some highs and lows otherwise the script falls very flat, it just becomes good moments of college sweethearts and nothing more to anticipate which in turn would result in making people less invested or engaged because they don't need to root for anything, nothing is at stake.

For example:

The most engaging aspect of season 1 was when the audience kept anticipating that Tine would finally realize that Sarawat is flirting for real and then after that we kept rooting for Sarawat to win over the love of his life. Ultimately, it is hard to show growth without conflict. Sarawat and Tine are supposed to grow through these adversities to become an even stronger and mature couple. Also, the element of long-distance relationship when combined with the arcs from the original book will make much stronger impact on the viewers.

For example:

Sarawat's side of story. All the longing and pining he went through when he first saw Tine and wasn't able to find him after that one time hits you harder because Sarawat yet again is in a position where he longs for Tine but at least here there is a guarantee that Tine will come back to him whereas back in his high-school days he knew he would never find Tine again. Also,Tine does know about Sarawat trying to find him for a year but once he experiences the distance and pining himself, he's finally gonna understand what Sarawat felt all these years ago and what he was going through when they were in the 'pretend-relationship' phase.

Celebrating birthdays and anniversaries while being away from each other definitely hits harder than boyfriends living together celebrating occasions together.

Also, the arc of Tine getting jealous over Sarawat's friendly attitude looks less childish if they are in a long-distance relationship because that kind of insecurity is to be expected and more digestible as an audience.I believe they would be able to fit in almost all the arcs in the book for Sarawatine. I'll just talk about the ones I can co-relate to BTS videos or the trailer.

Sarawat's POV :

This was pretty much confirmed when one of the casts released a video of their first script reading which was exactly an excerpt from the book where Sarawat is thinking that he mistook someone for Tine in a Scrubb concert that he attended in the dire hopes of running into his boy.Also, there was a video released from one of the days where fans were invited as extras from the cast where Bright was seen in Sarawat's school uniform.

So, this storyline is really coming for our throats.

Sarawat gets sick and Tine takes care of him:

This screenshot from the trailer makes me think that we are getting this arc.

There is a tissue on the bed, Sarawat's eyes are kinda glazed-over like he has a fever. Tine looks worried, again this will hit harder because Tine probably has to leave for his internship/work but he doesn't want to because Sarawat is sick. Sarawat also seems like he is reassuring Tine that he isn't that seriously ill but from the screenshot, I can see that Tine isn't convinced at all!

Sarawat and Tine's Anniversary:

In the book, the anniversary is sort of anti-climatic. Tine plans to play a song on his guitar but later abandons it quite bitterly because he thinks Sarawat has forgotten about their anniversary. Which later turns out to be a misunderstanding as Sarawat does get him tickets for Scrubb concert.

Due to COVID-19, I don't think they would have been able to convince Scrubb to shoot a concert scene with them so I am guessing they don't do the Scrubb concert but have this beautiful scene here, where both of them celebrate.

I spy a guitar

Also, this scene which was also chosen as a series poster makes me think that in the series they will actually make Tine go through his plans to surprise his boyfriend with a song and skip all over the stupid misunderstandings (I would appreciate that).

Tine's Birthday:

Again, a bit like their anniversary, planned romantic moments are scrapped in the book. Sarawat plans to serenade Tine with a song everyday leading up to his birthday as a way to show that he is special to him everyday and not just on his birthday. But, life and plans comes in between there's just never a good time to serenade his boy. I feel like the show might go the route of Sarawat telling Tine that he cannot be with him for his birthday (he asks Tine not be angry here, cutely)

And then surprises him by serenading him romantically in the decorated Music Room.

C'mon we all know they are gonna sing the OST here, 2gether of course! It is possible that not even a single word from my speculations come true but at least it will be funny to look back and see what was brewing in my head vs what actually happened in the show. I will make another post about speculations on things that are not in the book before episode 1 airs.

#still2gether #still 2gether #sarawatine #sarawat #tine #2gether the series #spoilers #speculation

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isrustandstardust · 4 years ago

Text

1: What would you name your future daughter?

Alya, maybe.

2: Do you miss anyone?

Always.

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

I would say thank you.

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

Once. And it was true, it was really him.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

Our next interview with Metaldetector on Monday.

6: Did you go out or stay in last night?

Stayed on because it was Monday and we’re in the middle of a global pandemic.

7: How late did you stay up last night?

2 a.m. more or less.

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

Yup.

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

Ironing my hair.

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

A few times.

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

I’m almost a non drinker now, so, maybe.

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

Unfortunately I had to.

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

I could, but I’m not interested atm.

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Husband and bestie.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

I never fully forget people who meant truly something to me.

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

Nope. I’ve been in a relationship for the last four years.

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

I hardly cry when I’m mad, nor I scream.

I become very quiet and pretty violent sometimes.

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

My husband.

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

On the couch, this morning.

20: Who did you last see in person?

My husband.

21: What is the last thing you said out lot?

I don’t know, I talk to my self out loud when I’m alone.

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

Nope.

23: Have you ever been to Paris?

Twice.

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I could, but sometimes my eyes show way too much.

25: Do you use chap stick?

Yup.

26: Who did you last share a bed with?

Again, the husband.

27: Are you listening to music right now?

Nope, watching crime shows.

28: What is something you currently want right now?

A new camera, my old one died and I really want to shoot again.

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

Yup.

30: How is your heart lately?

It’s ok.

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

Hell yes.

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

This morning.

33: What do people call you?

Sally or MissFortune.

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

A LOT.

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

A few, but nothing major.

36: What are you listening to right now?

Crime shows, a looot of murders!

37: What is wrong with you right now?

Feeling sick to my stomach, as usual!

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

It can be.

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

No, I’m not 9.

40: What is on your wrists right now?

Scars and tattoos.

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?

Married.

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

It’s an oversized shirt I stole from my husband’s closet.

It’s comfy and smells like him.

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Sure as hell I did.

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

Yup.

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

Yup.

46: What were you doing at midnight last night?

Drawing and watching Jackass xD

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

They were pretty much the same.

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

Both. I love to cuddle but also I like to have aaaaall the bed for me.

49: Have you ever been to New York?

Not yet.

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

It looks like it.

51: What are you wearing?

Leggings, oversized shirt and flannels.

52: Ever been in love?

Once.

53: Ever had a terrible breakup?

I had one terrible break up because both of us were still in love and a terrible one because he was a narcissistic psycho.

The last one was actually a blessing in disguise.

54: How tall are you?

165 cm.

55: How much do you weigh?

I’m not comfortable saying that. Let’s say I’m quite underweight.

56: Any tattoos do you want?

A lot, I want both my arms tattooed.

57: Any piercings that you want?

I want to redo my collarbones surfaces.

58: OTP?

I’m ok with the Shakarian one. :D

59: Favorite Show?

Hannibal.

60: Favorite bands?

I cannot choose one.

61: Something you miss?

Living by the lake.

62: Favorite song?

Hard to say, maybe Roses - dEus.

63: How old are you?

34.

64: Zodiac sign?

Scorpio.

65: Hair Color?

Chocolate.

66: Favorite Quote?

So it goes.

67: Favorite singer?

Peter Steele.

68: Favorite color?

Black.

69: Loud music or soft?

It depends on the moment.

70: Where do you go when you’re sad?

I find peace in books, movies and beautiful things.

71: How long does it take you to shower?

15 min if I’m in a hurry, an hour if I can relax.

72: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

20 minutes.

73: Ever been in a physical fight?

A few times.

74: Turn on?

Intelligence, sarcasm, perversion and violence.

75: Turn off?

Stupidity, shallowness, ignorance.

76: The reason I joined Tumblr?

I was feeling nostalgic.

77: Fears?

The future maybe.

78: Last thing that made you cry?

Maybe my MIL dying in July.

79: Last time you cried?

In July.

80: Meaning behind your url

It’s a Nabokov’s quote that I have tattooed on my rib cage.

81: Last book you read?

I’m reading a book about the life of the serial killer Kuklinski.

82: Last song you listened to?

Bad Timing - dEUS, while showering.

83: Last show you watched?

Crime show about a college girl getting killed by his boyfriend.

84: Last person you talked to?

A guy who commissioned an artwork.

85: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

I was texting with a friend so, pretty good.

86: Favorite food?

Red meat, preferably raw.

87: Place you want to visit?

Iceland.

88: Last place you were?

France.

89: Do you have a crush?

Sure.

90: Last time you kissed someone?

This morning.

91: Last time you were insulted and what was it?

To be insulted means you care about the other person’s opinion. And I don’t.

92: What color underwear are you wearing?

Pink.

93: What color shirt are you wearing?

Gray.

94: What color bottoms are you wearing?

Gray.

95: Wearing any bracelets?

Not while I’m at home.

96: Last sport you played?

I workout, I don’t play sports atm.

97: Last song you sang?

I was singing The Fiend theme while doing chores. XD

98: Do you have any enemies?

Mmmh, I guess not?

99: Last time you hung out with anyone?

My birthday 😭

100: Favorite movie?

The Fountain, In the Mood for Love, Only Lovers Left Alive, Stoker.

#survey #about me

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woomycritiques543 · 2 years ago

Note

As a lackadaisy fan who dropped helluva 5 episodes in, I think you’re overestimating the effect of the fandom has on things outside of itself because you are inmeshed in it. You don’t have the outside view. Don’t get me wrong, it sounds like a toxic shit show, but it doesn’t have a ‘monopoly’. If all it took to gain a monopoly in entertainment was to have a horribly rabid fanbase that won’t take the smallest bit of criticism, the history of indie entertainment would be very different.

(TW: LONG POST, mentions of Vivziepop's behavior, also if you're another lackadaisy fan that's curious about what's been happening over at the Hazbin fandom PLEASE DONT SKIP THIS POST!)

"If all it took to gain a monopoly in entertainment was to have a horribly rabid fanbase that won’t take the smallest bit of criticism, the history of indie entertainment would be very different."

Hm...

As a Helluva Boss fan who's seen how many views most indie projects have nowdays, plus what Vivziepop did here, especially since this wasnt just about the fanbase to begin with:

(Psst. Vivienne, these people got bills and families to pay for, so maybe dont try to push them away from other projects just because you like Hazbin Hotel? You can hire other people, you've done it millions of times before- let other projects thrive, and let them have different projects so they can be successful too! Far-Fetched barely has as any workers compared to you, so maybe stop being selfish and share the load so other projects can get all the help they can get? Especially when you rush out 5+ episodes a year and treat your staff like shit? So maybe... I dont know... treat them better so "A BUNCH!" of people from Spindlehorse wont think of even having to do so much extra work, day jobs and all, when there's 40+ million bucks sitting from your shows RIGHT THERE?! There's a reason why "a bunch" of people would be brought to do other projects at the same time. -and it's not because of all the red...)

I think it's pretty safe to say that theres an obvious monopoly going on. Why else would these episodes be getting 20+ million at a time, for years, while other just as good projects get next to none in comparison. Honestly, look at how much views, how many trends the shows follow, how much mainstream appeal, how much merchandising fills the "shelves" of Sharkrobot, how many episodes were shilled out in 2021 alone, how much it dominates the indie industry, and try to tell me that Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel are " not a monopoly!" Shilling out multiple Helluva Boss episodes full of softcore porn and bright colors a year to keep Spindlehorse's shows on top of the trending tag on Youtube EVERY YEAR SINCE 2019! -and end being what millions end up being reccomended. Though many people dont know that HB exists, many others do, and it's almost constantly being mentioned with indie animation while equally beautiful looking, or much better written projects get only 50,000+ views. Even in spite of Exxes and Oohs situation:

Season Two's premiere got 4+ million views in 15 hours.

While when I was watching the premiere of Exxes and Oohs with my freinds a couple of weeks ago after it premiered:

I noticed that it only had 1 million views in 5 hours, and then pretty much stayed that way throughout the entire week with only about 3 million for several days after Ep 1 had 4+ mil in only 15 hours.

While the premeire of Season Two passed 4+ million in LESS THEN TWENTY FOUR HOURS! -and the last episode is barely over it's despite being over 5 months apart. It's been a whole month, yet Seeing Star's views are still similar to when it was released and Exxes and Oohs is barely surpassing Seeing Stars despite a whole month having passed, while for Season One, in 5 months there would be 20+ million views and at times... more!

-and just to make this worse...

Hazbin Hotel.. a show with a pilot with over 70+ million views:

It's anniversary/sneak peak into the official show got only-

Get this...

THREE MILLION VIEWS!

-when FIVE WHOLE MONTHS have already passed and the fandom's still popular! While most of the previews for the pilot got OVER 3.5 million and the most popular being 20+ mil!

So it's really just people not caring to see the literal anniversary of the show since most were turned off by Helluva Boss or moved on because they grew out of all the stereotypes. It's got only about 0.8% of the views Hazbin's pilot has gotten despite the fact that people have been waiting for this show for THREE YEARS now and the fandom is bigger than ever. So even for that monopoly, it's slowly falling, and people barely cared about Hazbin's anniversary and release date reveal despite having waited for 3+ years.

So "Seeing Stars's" views has barely budged since release, Season Two's premiere has 20+ mil, but has also been that way since over three months ago, Exxes and Oohs only had 1 mil after even 5+ hours and onward, and Hazbin Hotel, a show with billions of fans, it's anniversary got only 3 mil- while the past season made OVER A YEAR AGO continues to receive views regularly. Meanwhile, Lackadaisy, had 6+ million in only TWO WEEKS while Exxes and Oohs barely got passed that in that time period (I remember it having maybe 5+ mil in about two weeks last time I checked, or even less that that.) and has been stagnant in views for 3+ weeks while Lackadaisy got over half of that in only 2+ weeks.

Which now makes it Helluva Boss's very first competitor.

While Murder Drones has Seeing Star's level of views after an ENTIRE YEAR so this is really saying something about the quality of Helluva Boss's latest episodes as Season One still skyrockets, the latest episodes stay stagnant even after 3+ weeks, and Helluva Boss now has a direct competitior due to this lowering in quality and just how many reviews are now criticizing it while Lackadaisy's reviews are majority positive with little to no hiccups in between.

Not joking, the first thing you get when you search "Seeing Stars Review" is thousands of negative reviews because of Vivienne, Adam, and Brandon Rodger's refusing to improve in their WRITING- you know... WHAT THEY WROTE ON A DOCUMENT?! The thing people have been CRITIQUEING?! Not "a personal, useless preference" but ACTUAL CRITICISM that they keep ignoring to look "near perfect" and to keep the monopoly going while other indie shows continue to get mediocure level views in comparison to Helluva Boss.

The views have been stagnant since near release. I remember seeing 17 million 3 weeks after it came out- and now it wont budge!

Yeah, im sure those statistics and thousands of people getting upset for actual reasons are "bad faith!" too. Adam- FUCK OFF! People aren't "bad faith" for telling you that using anti-black and fatphobic stereotypes in your show is awful! Also- you're show is now getting genuine competition so I suggest not being an egotistical jerk to your own fans and to actually listen to them for once before shit hits the fan and you have to further get hit by your own karma!

While look at all of the positive reviews Lackadaisy's getting!

Lackadaisy has almost all positive reviews, is catching up with Helluva Boss's latest episodes, all the other episodes in Season Two are also still static in views and Season One continues to get thousands on a daily basis, and yet is still- and I mean- still, Barely scratching Daisy's success! In comparison to how you'd think these "still being rewatched a lot" last episodes would be doing since this is HB, the monopoly of indie animation, that we're talking about!

So i'd say that Helluva Boss Season Two has been getting it really rough for the past 8 months in comparison to the success Season One still has, and even then, the first episode still has 54+ mil and yet most of the episodes continued to decrease by the millions each release. So even in Season One, the signs that people were losing interest were already there. -and Ozzies and Truth Seekers have just now caught up with Season Two's first episode (You know... the one people got hyped as all hell by but then lost interest once the episode started getting slammed for how terrible it was?) despite being the ones that are praised often, while Season Two's premiere has barely budged for the past year- making this a receipe for MILLIONS of lost views in total, and this is a fandom that constantly says "I binge watch the episodes a ton!" and yet Season One has barely budged in one and a half years. Its been in 30+ mil I think since last year... it's April now. -and they're now all catching up to each other and are about the same views, which would mean that they're barely going up by the thousands for ENTIRE MONTHS and Season Two, is getting even less because of the negative reviews from not a "useless personal opinion" but OBJECTIVELY BAD WRITING!

Season Two stays stagnant in views even after 5+ weeks and onward since the difference in views is that small.

THEY NOW HAVE A COMPETITOR! So Vivienne really needs to start giving a shit or WOOAH boy things are going to get intense!

So though Helluva Boss is still on top, it's falling over, and now has competition to worry about after only two weeks.

-and even then, it's still on top, because of Vivienne manipulating both her audience and staff into meeting constant demands and giving it constant praise regardless of quality under the threat of being seen as a "bad person" for not doing so.

Helluva Boss having almost billions of dollars in merch, 40+ million views with many of their episodes, a majority celebrity cast with little to no indie actors, Vivziepop having basically tried to put down Far Fetch from having any actual success by trying to not get her team with a show of BILLIONS of views to not work on it just because Hazbin is her "favorite project!" when these people have BILLS TO PAY and a FAMILY that can't be held up just by one project- which is why people like Erin had to work extra jobs, overnight, despite this show getting millions of dollars each day, in the first place! Yet to Vivienne, what mattered the most was her project, and not their lives. Which is the reason why she overworks her staff, and according to people who worked there, aren't even actually allowed to work on other projects, including Far-Fetched, either. While Far Fetched has not nearly as many people working on it and everything we see there has with has 100,000+ or less while Helluva Boss continues to monopolize the industry. (in case you're asking: Yes, it was also her supervisor's fault, but she's a million dollar creator, can't she just hire someone else instead of getting in the way of other people's lives other a cartoon show? Most freelancers do multiple projects, how else are they going to pay the bills?)

Yeah, Erin was lifted from a few things- but did they still have to work an extra job just to support themselves despite working for a 40+ million dollar show, did most people in Spindlehorse end up having to suffer even worse to meet those kinds of demands?

YES!

So does that make all the "Erin's not a real victim" or "Erin Frost's mistakes, as a human being, makes everything people say about Vivienne's behavior "not true" just because we beleive people who bootlick Vivienne but not people that she's hurt despite both people "only" using word of mouth. Except no, because no the ex-staff have evidence and yet the current staff who threatened to punch the people who spoke out about Vivziepop's behavior have nothing but word of mouth but we'll still beleive them just because they give us softcore porn! :D" comments now complete bullshit?

YES!

-and with Ashley Nichols in particular:

You'd think that Vivziepop would try to help Ashley... A LOT!

-since Ashley gave her projects millions of views in publicity and support with Hunicast and having actually worked on Hazbin!

But instead, Viv prioritized herself in the situation, fired all of her indie voice actors and replaced most of them with celebrities when she could have easily found other indie vcs but choose to use her status to get an actor from Grey's Anatomy and NORMAN REEDUS- and most likely will get more celeberties for Hazbin just because "famous = don't accociate with indie actors." appparently despite her main thing being "Support indie creators guys! :("

Vivziepop, again, pulling herself up while she's already been the top of the indie industry for the past 4+ years, while other projects continue to be pushed into the mud of a "cult classic" grave.

So in reality- Helluva Boss isnt "helping" the indie industry grow stronger, it's causing a monopoly which gets in the way of people's shows, their careers, their jobs, and even their mental health.

-and many people having little to no mentions of other projects outside of "Look at this pretty cool project I found- Ok, BACK TO HELLUVA BOSS AND HAZBIN HOTEL WOOOOAH LOOK THIS IS THE BEST INDIE SHOW EVAR!1!" is a literal monopoly in it's most capitalistic, trend serving, overproduced form.

Ashley even saw Vivienne trying to blacklist yet another staff member just because that staff member was upset about how much they were being rushed and overworked in order to meet even near the same demands, even with a few things being lifted since they have ADHD, they were still overworked, and for the rest of the staff it was even worse since they were overworked and bullied in order to meet the demands of said monopoly and stay in Spindlehorse.

Far Fetched got announced years ago- yet Vivziepop hasnt even mentioned it once as far as ive seen, she fired Ashley's partner and seeing how HB is, is likely going to replace him with an non-indie voice actor when apparently she could have easily kept them if she just paid a fee, when she has MILLIONS of dollars in support for her show now, lives in LA, and could easily use her platform to support THOUSANDS of indie projects. But as usual, she pulls herself up, bullies her own fandom by saying that they're "NOT A WRITER!" and "CANT UNDERSTAND WRITING!" for giving her any feedback and has basically manipulated her audience into seeing her and her shows as "NEAR PERFECT!" to continue said monopoly with HB's continous trending and high reviews regardless of quality. While other projects are only "secondairy". -and despite having worked on Hazbin Hotel, Far Fetched has gotten the average amount of acknowledgement for indie animation- Which, isnt much... at all.

Compared to that of mainstream shows, and especially Hazbin Hotel!

Yet as usual, Vivziepop manipulates her followers into contuining to put her on top regardless of her channel's ever reducing quality, and even views since it's lost millions since debut. With people constantly making excuses such as "ITS JUST BEEN UP LONGER!" and "ITS NOT LOSING VIEWS THE PANDEMIC HAS JUST ENDED AND PEOPLE ARE OFFLINE MORE NOW!"

Yeah-

Say that to how Lackadaisy has 6+ million in only two weeks despite being another show altogether, despite the show also having been produced in the pandemic since 2019.

It's been only two weeks yet it already has almost just as many views, and if this keeps up, will likely even have more than HB's latest episode while "EXXES AND OOHS!" has been only at 13+ since it was released. It barely has moved on inch in a entire month while Lackadaisy keeps going... and going... and going...

While Helluva Boss's latest episode has barely scratched the surface despite being just as new with only a month difference.

It's honestly messed up how Ashley was shafted after supporting Vivziepop and working for her after all this time. Same for all the other artists who worked for her. -and as Erin said:

-and seeing how Far Fetched is doing right now, this couldnt be any more evident of just how much of a capitalistic, worker mistreating, monopoly that Vivziepop's channel has become to the point where people who worked with her FOR YEARS still end up getting the short end of the stick or even outright harassed by her and her fandom, and she doesnt even defend them, she just... let's the bullying happen, let's her ex staff get slandered, let's her staff threaten to HIT THEM while only caring about shippings involving literal FICTIONAL CHARACTERS! -and last time I checked... going to the levels of not just trying to manipulate people into thinking that Vivienne is a "perfect little lamb" to gaslight people into not looking into how she treats her staff- but also THREATENING VIOLENCE over the fact that someone was actually honest about what was happening in Spindlehorse- Isnt exactly what i'd like to call "good treatment" of your staff since Vivienne let you do this to people. Hell- is- IS THIS EVEN ALLOWED ON TWITTER?! Is it even allowed for people on the platform to threaten to hurt someone on Twitter in their guidelines, hell, is it even legal to threaten to hurt someone like this at all?! Especially if it's being used to threaten people into not speaking out about actual workplace mistreatment?!

HOLY SHIT! Just let these people tell you that you need to do better, and going to the levels of threatening to hit someone for critiqueing Vivienne for her behavior even once and then going out of your way to call them "GLASS JAWED MOTHER FUCKERS!" is genuine hostility and honestly, I dont even think it's even legal to verbally harass and threaten people to this extent. WHAT THE FUCK?!

I looked into this and... yeah! What Monica did was against Twitter guidelines by threatening to hit people who were in the studio that said anything about how Viv was actually acting.

I also checked to make sure, but.... yeah, she actually wanted to hit people for saying that Vivienne was overworking her own staff by rushing and also having to work full day jobs despite Helluva Boss continuisly ranking in millions of dollars. Which means that they were getting a small percentage of pay compared to what ends up being used for Vivziepop's "spectacle!" animation. So this isn't just acephobia, but also threatening genuine violence towards people for saying that they don't deserve to be mistreated. This is vile.

Hell, even without those guidelines- it's disgusting that Vivienne let her staff talk to people this way and then also mistreated Spindlehose for all these years too. NO ONE deserves to be treat this way for speaking out, especially if all they're doing is saying what happened to them in a studio that they worked in, and the fact that everyone demonizes Erin Frost for a few mistakes but then lets Vivziepop's "favorites" threaten to HIT SOMEONE is actually horrifying.

Honestly.

Helluva Boss isnt even "INDIE" anymore, it just fills up space in the indie community while clearly being a million dollar, mainstream show that has Norman Reedus and other celebrities in it to give the "We're indie so we can do what we want just because we're smaller than Disney!" excuse to be assholes to other people for even saying something as simple as "tone down the saturation a bit."

It's a monopoly. A monopoly built on years of breaking trust, threats, more bullying, betrayal, prioritizing in fame over indie creators, worker mistreatment, rushed projects, fanbase manipulation, and it's why I have so much faith in Lackadaisy. It gives me hope, it gives me hope that one day Vivienne will finally get told to "WAKE UP!" through all that's been happening. That the monopoly will end, that the indie industry will become more balanced again, that freelance artists will be treated better and receive more respect for their craft instead of just being used to meet corperate demands. That hope... is why, that though I like Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, that I also wish for other creators to get the spotlight and that one day... maybe... just maybe... that a new franchise will take Helluva Boss's place.

So to answer your question:

Yes. By defintion Helluva Boss has become a monopoly. It's taking a large chunk of the indie animation industry, and the creators overworked their staff to meet high demands for it to get trending almost every year through high amounts of demand and episodes in 2021 alone. It's taken a large amount of control over the industry and it's come to a point where creators have to rely on supporting Vivziepop to even get a piece of what HB has. Honestly, how is that fair? How is it "fair" to overwork her staff and appeal to even the bottom of the barrels of trends to keep her show trending while most of the other indie shows on Youtube suffer for it?!

It's making the indie animation community almost as corperate as the very companies that caused these people to steer towards indie animation in the first place. Which is such a shame, because there's so many good projects out there- yet to be discovered by most people. -and yet HB gets the trending almost every time because it appeals to as many mainstream trends and porn accounts as possible through all it's fetish and ship bait content and mass amounts of merchandising, and from mass amounts I mean HUNDREDS OF PIECES OF MERCHANDISING every year, even after the show already has 40+ million dollars in it's budget so it's just capitalism and mainstream pandering at this point. The indie community went from going against corperations and capitalism to BECOMING corperate and capitalistic.

It makes me miss back when all we had mostly were just fun short films and play dough animations. It's like people in the indie community have forgotten why we even make all these animations in the first place.. Not just for money and sucess....

But for fun, to animate away from corperations... for fun.

#helluva boss season two #helluva boss criticism #lackadaisy #helluva boss critical #not putting this in helluva bosses tag since im not in the mood to be harassed and sent racial slurs by hazbin fans today.

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kim-isnt-seaweed · 4 years ago

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I discovered something

A few days ago I was talking to a friend and she said she wanted a Gucci bag really bad but it was expensive and she would have to save for it. She sent me the link but me being a dumbass didn't think to open it because i assumed she meant like 500.000 KRW tops i commented on how T has been offering to buy me a bag too but i didn't see the value in it and kept refusing because i would much prefer to spend it on something else (but didn't elaborate in what i mean cause again i am a ragging dumbass) she called me out saying that i sounded rude and i said i meant that i would prefer spending it on things for the house since it's for both of us but then she said that it wasn't it but how i kinda made her feel bad because it sounded like i was bragging like "oh my husband is offering to buy me million won baaag while you has to save" i apologized profusely in no way did i mean to make her feel that way, i never wanted to make her feel bad i just wanted to point out how she and T thought similar (they both say it's something you should have at least one of) and i just couldn't see it, i also had nooo idea the bag she wanted was a million in fact i didn't even think bags could go for more than like 700 .000 won (around 600 bucks)

Yesterday I learned something new about the topic. So yesterday we were at the same mall his best friend was also coincidentally at and turns out he got his Fiancee an almost 5 million won Dior bag and I was honestly baffled but T kept commenting on getting me a bag too he was like "not that expensive but a few bags together around a million is okay isn't it?" I ignored him and asked how if they ( friend of) don't even have a home to live in yet, nor furniture or appliances so T explained that its common here for men to buy their Fiancee's expensive bags and gifts before the wedding, it's almost expected of them so I asked why instead not use it for a trip for both of them or a good luxury bed and he was like "she's expecting that too" and I was just really confused especially when T bringing up the topic of getting me one when we still haven't even been able to start my orthodontic treatment but then after a few more explanations it kinda clicked. I put two and two together plus a few comments my MIL makes about them being good husbands and not cheap like my FIL and how my SIL rarely uses the brand bags she has. So I told my friend and I told her about it and how I felt that this is something men here are expected to do here.

I admitted that I hadn't thought that what I had said the day before could've sounded how it did to her because to me T's insistence was a little be offensive to me as I felt like he was just embarrassed by what I had or didn't have since I only have two bags and the bag I use for going out I got for 10 bucks while his friends GF's have brand bags and such but now I think its because T felt like he needed to buy me one since it seems like something they have to do for their wives/ Fiancee's to prove that they're good husbands and can provide, and T felt like he was failing that because we have been married for three years now and I am still to "receive one" and he was probably feeling pressured by his mom as well, I love her and I know she raised him to be a good husband but like....how can a bag determine that? How are they ignoring all the other none material things T does that make him a great husband? Like pushing me to do better, supporting me and encouraging me to go to school instead And even the material ones like always being willing to send money to help my family or buying all the air tickets for my family to come (but they couldn't cause corona) how is a bag more telling than these things??

I come from a family where my grandfather is the ultimate example of a good husband that provides, he was dirt poor sleeping on the floor of his little cafeteria shop before marrying my grandmother and building a house for them with his bare hands, then he worked his ass off after immigrating to u.s despite poor conditions and treatment at a metal factory plus part-time cleaning offices all to provide for his newborn granddaughter, 15 y/o daughter, 8 y/o daughter and his son he had to leave in Colombia. That's what I want, I want a husband that will work hard for us to live well that will fix things that break around the house and will listen to me talk about, IDK, atla or this cool new fact I learned about sharks, not one that can buy my a 5mil bag I'll probably be too burdened to use. My friend also realized she had done something wrong (not to me to her husband) and we got a new perspective of how some things are.

To clarify I am not judging T's friends gf for expecting these things, she was taught to. Also, I can't say for sure if this is a whole ass Korean culture aspect or just T's circle. I do know that it's a tradition for the husbands family to get the future wife expensive jewelry and how in some dramas you see the groom's friends giving the bride gifts sent to her by the husband and how the wife's family has to give each of her father-in-law's siblings a million won only for them to give 500.000 won back on the wedding day (in our case my father in law paid for it because my parents really can't afford over 5mil especially converted to Colombian peso ) so yeah..

I just learned something new about .. courtship???? Culture here

Also that 11 million won bags exist and that a strap alone can cost 1 mil, rich people..

#korea #married life #getting married #cultural shock #life #everyday life

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vengfulfate · 6 years ago

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Rose’s Twins, Ch. 6

Author Note - Holy crap, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been having trouble with my main project, which means I haven’t really worked on this at all since the Ch. 5 upload. Thankfully I found a break in my main project and decided to use it to finish off Ch. 6 so I could upload it. Trying something new here, too, by trying to transcribe a canon scene. Don’t worry if you don’t like it, I probably won’t do it often.

Story Summary - Melanie and Miltiades Malachite have trouble with love. They share everything, and this has either scared people away or made them think their relationship was more open than the twins would wish. Then along came Ruby Rose… could she be the one the sisters have searched for?

Read chapter 1 here

Read chapter 2 here

Read chapter 3 here

Read chapter 4 here

Read chapter 5 here

---

“Another long day…” Miltiades groaned. The club had just closed, kicking out the last of the stragglers. “Somehow I thought working in a club would be more exciting.”

“I thought Ruby would be here one of these nights,” Melanie mentioned off-hand, “We haven’t seen here in a few days.”

“Her classes picked back up, she’s needed at school,” Miltiades reminded her twin.

“I know, but…” Melanie cut herself off.

Miltiades smirked. “The customers are gone Mil. You don’t have to keep up the tough face.”

“I miss her,” Melanie admitted to her twin.

“I know,” Miltiades hugged her sister, “I do too. Maybe we can surprise her at Beacon?”

“I would have done that ages ago,” Melanie confessed, “But she’s still afraid it will cause issues with the Schnee girl, her partner.”

“Oh… yeah…” Miltiades sighed. She looked to the door the moment Yang walked in with a blue-haired boy neither of them recognized. “What is she doing here?”

“Hm?” Melanie turned around to see what her sister had seen. “Yang?”

The twins approached the bar at the same time Junior called off his gunmen and invited Yang in to talk.

“I don’t know!” Junior argued with the blonde.

“How can you not know!?” Yang argued back.

“I haven't talked to him! I haven't even seen him since the night you first came in here,” Junior pointed his finger in Yang’s face. “He paid up front, I lent him my men, and none of them ever. Came. Back.”

“So where did they go?” The blue-haired boy interrupted.

Junior stared at him for a moment. “What kind of stupid question is that? They never came back. Who is this guy?”

“Don’t worry about him!” Yang pushed the boy aside, “Worry about me if I don’t find out what I want!”

Junior sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I already told you everything. Torchwick hired my boys, and I guess he wasn't happy with them. Which is something I can relate to!”

The twins reached the bar, settling themselves on the other side of Yang from the blue-haired boy.

“Hello, Yang,” The twins spoke in unison.

Yang jumped slightly at the vocal harmony. “Oh, hey girls.”

“What are you doing here?” Miltiades asked.

“And does your leader know where you are?” Melanie half-teased, half-genuinely-asked about Ruby.

“Well, Yang, you didn’t tell me you know twins,” The blue-haired boy smirked.

“Neptune, don’t,” Yang spoke to him with the same voice one would use to talk down a dog.

“Don’t be like that, Yang,” The boy, Neptune it seemed, playfully scolded. “What are you two doing later?”

“We’re already committed to someone,” The twins answered together.

“Who’s that?” Neptune never lost his cocky grin.

“Someone else,” The twins were getting increasingly annoyed.

“Come on! I’m sure you two, me, and your other can have fun together,” Neptune carried on unfazed, with finger-guns no less.

The image of Ruby and the twins compromised by Neptune was the last straw for Yang. She grabbed Neptune’s arm tightly, guiding him away from the bar. “Why don’t you go guard Bumblebee? We wouldn’t want anyone to steal her!” She strongly suggested.

“Ow! Ow! I get it, I’m sorry okay!?” Neptune took back him arm, rubbing where Yang’s vice-grip was. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I just get the better of myself…”

“We’re sure,” The twins deadpanned together.

Neptune looked between Yang and he twins. “I’ll, um… I’ll be outside.”

“Please tell me he is not your friend,” Melanie begged Yang.

“He’s not so bad, when he’s not hitting on you and your friends…” Yang defended. “Hey, you two wouldn’t happen to know anything about Roman Torchwick or the White Fang, would you?”

The names were definitely familiar to the twins. “No, sorry…” Miltiades answered.

“We know Junior sometimes gets up to shady stuff,” Melanie started to clarify.

“But we try to stay out of it,” Miltiades finished.

Yang rested her hands on her hips. “Well, as your girlfriend’s sister, I’m glad to hear that at least.”

“So… does Ruby know you’re here?” Melanie asked, trying to be subtle.

“Oh, yeah,” Yang nodded, “Team RWBY is kind of doing an… extracurricular investigation.”

“Into the White Fang?” Melanie was doubtful.

“Yeah, that’s not weird, right?” Yang waved it off. “We are huntresses!”

“In training.” Melanie deadpanned.

“Ruby told us about the docks,” Miltiades informed Yang.

“We know team RWBY sometimes takes things into their own hands,” Melanie picked up.

“That’s not fair, we were only looking for Blake!” Yang defended, “She was the one looking for the White Fang!”

The twins stared at Yang until the blonde realized what she said.

“Crap.”

“So where’s Ruby?” Melanie asked.

“We all split up to cover more ground. I came here because of my history with Junior,” Yang explained. “Ruby went with Weiss, mostly because with Neptune and his much nicer friend Sun, that made two people to a team.” Yang shifted in place like there was more to tell. “And kinda… because she was geeking out over the CCT tower.”

Miltiades sighed, Melanie agreeing with the sigh with a small smile and a short, “Of course.”

“Look, if you’re worried about Ruby hanging out with you, don’t be,” Yang assured, “She’s totally working on getting you into-” Yang suddenly cut herself off with a shocked look on her face.

“Into what?” The twins asked together.

“IS THAT THE TIME!?” Yang shouted, “Igottagoseeyoulatergirls!” The blonde turned to dash out of the club.

“Yang, wait!” The twins chased the brawler outside.

“I shouldn’t have said that…” Yang cursed herself for almost spoiling the surprise Ruby was planning, “I should not have said that…”

The twins followed Yang out into the street, “Yang!”

“Oh, hey girls!” Yang tried to play it off, “F-fancy seeing you here?”

“What is Ruby trying to get us into?” Melanie cut straight to the point.

“W-well… I mean y’see… That is to say…” Yang stalled, and luckily her scroll rang at just that moment. “Oh I have to get this!” She whipped out the scroll and pressed ‘accept’ before the twins could speak. “What’s up!?”

A female voice came over the line. “Everyone! If you can hear me, we need back-”

“HEEEELLLLP!” The female voice was cut off by a male voice. “Big robot! And it's big! Really big!”

Yang’s expression hardened to concern. “Sun, Blake?”

“That Torchwick guy is in it! But not, like, it didn't eat him. He's, like, controlling it or something!” The male voice continued.

“Where are you guys!?” Yang cried.

“HURRYYYY!” The voice came from both the scroll and down the street. The group in front of the club caught the sight of two people running away from a giant mech.

“I think that was them…” Neptune spoke up.

“Yeah, I got it,” Yang deadpanned, hopping onto her bike.

The twins shared a look to confirm that they both had the same thought, and the same worry. “Um, does this thing happen to your team often?” Melanie voiced the concern to Yang.

Yang was deaf to them, already hitting the throttle and taking off. Neptune barely made it onto the bike, and the pair were already three streets over by the time he found balance enough to speak. “So, they mentioned something about Ruby? As in your sister Ruby?”

“Not the time, horn-dog!” Yang yelled at him.

“Fair enough!” Neptune resolved to stay far away form anything that might piss off Yang. Including interfering in a relationship that may or may not include Yang’s sister.

Back at the club, Miltiades continuing concern prompted her to speak up. “So, we should follow them, right?”

“Yeah,” Melanie agreed. “Not that we don’t think Ruby can handle herself!” She quickly clarified.

“Of course!” The red twin nodded.

“And not because we don’t think the team can handle themselves!”

“Right!”

“We just… want to see them in action!”

“Yeah! That’s not weird…”

“Right?”

A moment of silence passed.

“It’s not like us being worried invalidates her as a fighter,” Melanie pointed out.

“If anything, her being a fighter validates our worries!” Miltiades agreed.

“Right, she’s putting herself at risk, of course we’re worried!”

“And it’s not like we’re going to jump into the fight.”

“Not unless she needs us.”

“She doesn’t even have to know we’re there!”

Another beat of silence.

“We should hurry while we can still follow them,” Miltiades resolved her confidence.

“It looked like they went toward the freeway,” Melanie nodded, trotting back into the club.

“They’re chasing a giant robot, we just follow the chaos, we’ll find them,” Miltiades theorized, “We need to get a car from Junior.”

“Already on it!” Melanie shouted from the door to the club.

---

The twins were afraid they were already too late by the time they got on the road. That concern was quickly assuaged by upside down cars and frightened motorists on the freeway. Which also served to elevate their other concern. Melanie, behind the steering wheel, swerved between the wreckage quickly hoping to catch up. “Oh, shit!” She had to hit the brakes hard to stop before a massive ice patch the blocked the road. “That doesn’t look like a natural ice patch…”

The twins stepped out of the vehicle to examine the immediate area, and none too soon. Just a few seconds later, they heard the voice of their dear Ruby.

“Freezerburn!”

A patch of fog erupted from the ground far beneath the freeway, the direction of Ruby’s voice. The twins were sure they could make out people below if it weren’t for the sudden mist. There were some flashing lights, but it was hard to tell what was going on. The fog cleared in time for the twins to finally see Ruby, dashing between the robot’s legs and slicing at it with Crescent Rose.

“Cheackmate!” She shouted before dashing backwards. The two team mates the twins had yet to meet in person jumped forward and attacked together, coordinated in a way that impressed even twins. Even when the white one was hit by a well-placed shot, her last action was to power up the other one with some sort of spell.

“Must be her semblance?” Melanie suggested.

“Ladybug!”

Ruby dashed back forward, while her and the other team mate from ‘checkmate’ attacked the machine repeatedly. Just as the mech lost track of them, they came from above and severed one of its arms.

“Wow…” Miltiades couldn’t hide her amazement for the scene below, and Ruby’s total command of the situation.

“Yeah…” even Melanie admitted she was impressed.

Then they both flinched when Yang was sent through a wall. Miltiades was about to jump down before she heard Ruby yell, “Don’t worry!”

Melanie thought for a moment they were caught, until she heard Ruby describe her sister’s semblance to her team mate. “With each hit she gets stronger, and she uses that energy to fight back!” The twins settled and continued to watch in awe as Yang tore off the other arm by herself.

“No wonder we couldn’t beat her,” Melanie remarked, feeling a little better about the past.

“Bumblebee!”

Yang grabbed a long ribbon, the other end held by the black and white dressed team mate. The girl gripped the ribbon tight and literally spun the blonde in circles around her. But the mech was too fast for their pendulum and jumped out of the way.

“How will she-”

“Iceflower!”

“Nevermind.”

The white one cast a spell for Ruby to shoot through, and the result was a collection of icicles jamming the mech’s gears. On the next pass, Yang completely shattered the steel construct. The man controlling it form the inside stood quickly and turned to run.

The twins were temporarily distracted by an airship flying in behind them, carrying a short multi-colored stranger.

On the ground, Yang rushed forward and fired a shot at the man that ran the mech. Not a moment too late, the colorful stranger leapt down from the airship and blocked the shot with her umbrella. An umbrella that Melanie assumed was made form some kind of unknown mythical element, considering what Yang did to the machine a moment before.

Miltiades could have sworn she saw the two strangers in the airship for a short second, just as the colorful one cockily bowed in front of team RWBY on the ground. Yang attacked, and the image of their adversaries shattered. The airship flew away, now clearly having both enemies on board.

The fight was over, even though the pair of enemies got away. And watching the fight somehow made the twins even more attracted to Ruby, if that was even possible. They knew she was strong, and the leader of her team. But hearing stories was very different than seeing the action live in front of them.

Ruby’s team shared a short conversation the twins couldn’t make out from up high before leaving. The twins stayed there for a moment, thinking over what they witnessed. They were also more than a little glad to not have been caught following Yang to the battle.

“Is…” Miltiades finally broke the silence, “Is it weird that I found that kind of… hot?”

Melanie shook her head in answer, responded vocally with, “I think I’m in love with that girl.”

#rwby #fanfiction #rwby fanfiction #ruby rose #melanie malachite #miltiades malachite #malachite twins #ruby x twins

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firebenderbreath · 6 years ago

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Fire Breath Chapter 5

Chapter 5: The Bash

(Disclaimer! I own nothing of Korra or Lemonade Mouth!)

I was watching TV and the doorbell rang.

I opened it to see Korra.

"Oh Korra hi," I said, "What's up?"

"Well, I figured I should come by and work on some new song ideas with you."

"Oh ok well come on in," I said letting her in.

My grandmother poured us some lemonade.

"So you're one of Korra's friends," she said.

"Well yeah I guess so," Korra said.

"She was just messing around about the friend thing," I said, "She's met a lot of my friends."

Korra opened up her laptop.

"Kai actually sent me this little rap," said Korra.

She sung it.

"I'm sure we can fit it somewhere in the song," she said.

"But what's with the title?" I asked, "Determinate?"

"I came up with it," Korra said, "Like put on your game face or get determined and all that."

A cat walked by.

"So cute," said Korra.

"It was my mom's before she died," I said, "Its the only thing I have left of her."

Korra got out her guitar.

"I think I have something that'll work with this," I said.

Korra played the chords and I started to sing.

Trying hard to fight these tears

I'm crazy worried

Messin' with my head this fear

I'm so sorry

Korra and Asami: You know you gotta get it out

I can't take it

That's what being friends is about

"Wow," Korra said, "Those are some crazy good lyrics."

"Thanks," I said blushing.

Meanwhile Principal Tenzin was going through some documents.

"Hmm, maybe I should give out some of the money to the music club," he said, "They do have good members, and it looks like Korra is on the start of something good."

"NONSENSE!" Shouted someone.

It was Vice Principal Raiko.

"Give out some of the money we worked for almost a decade to make for that gymnasium, just to give it to that music club?!" He asked, "With all due respect sir, I strongly disagree. This gymnasium is more important than funding for some silly little music club."

"Vice Principal Raiko," said Tenzin, "I…."

"Zhu Li can find a way to keep music alive, but I will not have her leeching off your money," said Raiko, "I will not allow it!"

"Vice Principal Raiko, I seriously doubt that…." Said Tenzin.

"I'm well aware of the ways of how we can earn more money for the school and keep it alive," said Vice Principal Raiko.

He looked at an old soda machine.

"However in order to make more money I think I have a solution," he said.

We were heading to the music room.

"This is it guys, our last rehearsal before the big gig!" Said Korra, "Can you believe it?"

"I can't believe the bash is tomorrow night," Opal said.

"Me either," said Kai, "Its gonna be awesome!"

I was a little nervous.

"Sami, you ok?" Asked Korra.

"I'm fine," I said lying.

"I think I know what we all need to calm us down," said Korra, "Mountain Dew!"

We went to the soda machine and saw a sign.

"Scheduled for removal."

Korra took it to the secretary's office.

"What the hell is this?!" Korra asked, "Why is our soda machine being removed from the basement?"

"There's a soda machine down there?" Asked the secretary.

"For now," Korra said, "And I'd like to know why in the name of fuck its being removed!"

"Um ma'am, pardon my friend," Kai said, "We were just wondering if it was gonna be repaired or replaced or if something's wrong."

"Well I'm sure its just a mixup," said the secretary.

"See?" Asked Kai.

"Looks like it was supposed to be removed years ago," said the secretary, "Looks like its just in time, cause it'll earn more money for the gymnasium."

"…Are you fucking kidding me?" Korra asked.

"Well I don't like your tone young lady," she said.

Korra and Kai left.

"I ain't giving that thing up without a fight," Korra said, "Its not just a machine its more than that!"

Raiko was walking by them.

"Enjoying the day kids?" He asked.

"Yes," said Korra holding back her anger.

Kai headed back home.

"Hey buddy you're home early," said his dad.

"Practice ended early," said Kai.

He noticed a lot of boxes around.

"What's all this?" He asked.

"Its my girlfriend's stuff," said his dad, "Well I can't really say girlfriend anymore….."

"Dad what's going on?" Kai asked.

"….Son I know this isn't gonna be easy for you and you miss your mom," said his dad, "But Amy makes me happy and….. we're getting married."

Hearing those words shattered Kai inside.

He walked out.

It was the day of the Bash.

Kuvira was taking a drink.

"It sure would suck if that band doesn't get to play," she said.

"They're just getting warmed up and everything," said Tenzin, "It'll be great for everyone."

Korra and the others were looking for me.

"Sami, where are you?" Asked Bolin, "We're on in 10 minutes!"

"In here," I said.

I was hiding in the bathroom.

I was very nervous.

"Nervous?" Asked Korra.

I nodded.

"Asami we rehearsed these songs a million times," said Korra, "You don't need to be scared!"

Kai handed her a mountain dew and she handed it to me.

I took it.

"I'm ready," I said.

We went up to the stage.

"Nice costumes!" Said Kuvira, "Oh wait you're not wearing any!"

"Knock it off," Mako said.

Kai started playing the piano.

I went up to the microphone.

Determinate:

Asami: Trying hard to fight these tears

I'm crazy worried

Messing with my head this fear

I'm so sorry

You know you gotta get it out

I can't take it

That's what being friends about

I, I want to cry

I can't deny

Tonight I wanna up and hide

And get inside

It isn't right

I gotta live in my life

I know I, I know I

I know I gotta do it

I know I, I know I

I know I gotta do it

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, determinate

Push until you can't and then demand more

Determinate, determinate

You and me together, we can make it better

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, determinate

People were starting to get into the groove of the song. Mako was smiling at us.

"They're pretty good," said Tenzin.

Zhu Li smiled knowing the work we were doing.

Asami: Hate to feel this way

And waste a day

I gotta get myself on stage

I shouldn't wait or be afraid

The chips will fall where they may

I know I, I know I

I know I gotta do it

I know I, I know I

I know I gotta do it

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, determinate

Push until you can't and then demand more

Determinate, determinate

You and me together, we can make it better

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, determinate

Kai took the microphone

Kai: It's Kai and I'm heaven-sent

Use it like a veteran

Renegade, lemonade, music is my medicine

Go ahead and try to name a band we ain't better than

Reason why the whole world's picking us instead of them

People need a breather cause they're feeling the adrenaline

Stop! Now hurry up and let us in, knock

'Cause we're coming to your house and

People keep on smiling with lemons in their mouth

I'm the real deal, you know how I feel

Why they in it for the mil I'm just in it for the thrill

Get down now I ain't playin' around put your feet up on the ground

And just make that sound like

There were girls cheering his name.

Asami: Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, determinate

Push until you can't and then demand more

Determinate, determinate

You and me together, we can make it better

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, determinate

Come on and, come on and

Come on and get it going

Come on and, come on and

Come on and get it going

On the dance floor

Dance floor

Determinate

We were greeted with a big round of applause.

"Looks like we got some competition," Mako said with a smile.

"They're not that good," said Kuvira.

"They're amazing," said a groupie.

"Shut up," said an Earthquake fan.

"And now a few words from our guitarist, Korra," I said.

Korra took the microphone.

"And now I'd like to talk about… soda!"

Kai and Bolin passed out bottles of mountain dew to the crowd.

"As you all may have heard, our soda machine from the basement is scheduled for removal," Korra said, "In order to help pay for some gymnasium."

Vice Principal Raiko was angered by this.

"Its like this school is treating others like they matter less than others, or like saying funding for a gym is more important than funding for a music program!"

People started to boo.

Raiko turned to Zhu Li and Varrick.

"Did you know about this?" He asked.

"More important than a newspaper or anyone of us!" Said Korra.

People cheered.

"We all deserve to be treated like we matter, "Because ladies and gentlemen, WE DO MATTER!"

Bolin counted down and we played our next song.

Here we Go (Be Heard)

Band: Be heard, be strong, be proud

Korra: I wanna make some noise

Band: Stand up, come on, be loud

Korra: We're gonna raise our voice

Band: Come on, come on, come on

Korra: You gotta hear me now

You gotta hear me now

Hey now

We no longer wait around

My team stronger like weights now

Keeps on growing

Our muscle keeps on showing

Kai: We came here to make a change

We came here to rearrange

We came here cause we believe

We came here cause we achieve, yeah

Korra: While I've got the microphone

Make sure how I feel is known

All for one we got the zone

How I feel to each his own

Kai: All my people treat em right

We reserve the right to fight

For what we want, for what we need

To the front we shall proceed

Asami: Here we come and we're ready to

Go, go, go, go, go

Better run cause we don't take

No, no, no

Come on

Band: Be heard, be strong, be proud

Korra: I wanna make some noise

Band: Stand up, come on, be loud

Korra: We're gonna raise our voice

Band: Come on, come on, come on

Korra: You gotta hear me now

You gotta hear me now

Everyone even Principal Tenzin was jamming to our music.

Asami: We're motivated (motivated)

We're aggravated (aggravated)

We're dedicated

So now you better play fair

Korra: Determination (and) willpower

(Oh come on) with consideration

We will devour

Bolin: We're on our own

But we are one

So on lend a shoulder we'll fight until

We see the sun

Korra: It's just a matter of time

Before you see our way

We fight with all our lives

We do this everyday

Asami: Here we come and we're ready to

Go, go, go, go, go

Better run cause we don't take

No, no, no

So come on

Crowd: Be heard, be strong, be proud

Korra: I wanna make some noise

Crowd: Stand up, come on, be loud

Korra: We're gonna raise our voice

Crowd: Come on, come on, come on

Korra: You gotta hear me now

You gotta hear me now

Crowd: Be heard, be strong, be proud

Korra: I wanna make some noise

Crowd: Stand up, come on, be loud

Korra: We're gonna raise our voice

Crowd: Come on, come on, come on

Korra: You gotta hear me now

You gotta hear me now

Yeah

I said we're tired of this

We're going to stand up

For what we believe in

We might be on our own

But we are one

Everybody ready

Come on

Let's go

Raiko tried to get us to stop.

"Korra stop this right now!" He said, "Kai what are you doing!?"

He stared at Opal.

"Opal I will call your father!" He shouted, "You all listen to me now!"

Korra took off her flannel and showed off her shirt.

Crowd: Be heard, be strong, be proud Korra: I wanna make some noise Crowd: Stand up, come on, be loud Korra: We're gonna raise our voice Crowd: Come on, come on, come on Korra: You gotta hear me now You gotta hear me now You gotta hear me now

We were on the verge of a revolution. Nothing could stop us. Or….. so I thought.

Crowd: Be heard, be strong, be proud

Korra: I wanna make some noise

Crowd: Stand up, come on, be loud

Korra: We're gonna raise our voice

Crowd: Come on, come on, come on

Korra: You gotta hear me now

You gotta hear me now

Raiko found the light switch and shut us down.

The crowd whined because the concert was shut down.

#fire breath #korra #korrasami #bopal #opal beifong #kai #mako #lemonade mouth #asami sato #zhu li

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logan-after-dark · 6 years ago

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Law of Attraction

Or abundance or whatever it is :P Going to talk on that today since it’s been on my mind.

A few weeks ago now, I signed up for this free webinar that was advertised on one of the ASMR YouTube videos I use to fall asleep. The only reason I signed up for the webinar was because it was free, and because I’ve been in a rough spot financially for a long time now and figured I had very little to lose. An hour out of a Wednesday afternoon seemed like an okay trade for something that I could maybe potentially use.

My attitude towards folks who promote or advocate for this idea of an abundant universe and the law of attraction and things like that has been rather negative in the past. Oftentimes they strike me as snake oil salesmen - folks who sell books titled ‘how to get rich quick’ and things like that where the answer is ‘write and publish a book titled “how to get rich quick” and wait for gullible saps to buy it’. My ex had a few of those books on topics like how to become a millionaire through real estate and the like, and his mother was a realtor so, he had no shortage of support there. But, like I said, in the process of pursuing those kinds of get-rich-quick schemes, you’re really just lining someone else’s pockets while obtaining information that may not even be useful to yourself in your specific situation. So I viewed folks pushing this idea of the law of attraction in a similar way - just very sketchy, negative, snake oil peddlers that really just wanted to sell me on more such talks and line their own pockets while mine became increasingly more barren.

Well, let me tell you how the webinar actually went down.

It was on a website called Mindvalley.com, with Harv Eker and Vishen Lakhiani. I decided that, it seemed to have a sort of spiritual/psychological bent to it from the ad seemingly, so that if it had advice that would help me build up my self-esteem or something like that, just overall improve my mental state by a fair margin through this talk, then it would 100% be worth my time. And like I said before, I had very little to lose spending an hour watching a free webinar on abundance.

At the end of it, they did offer some courses - extremely pricey ones that had been ‘discounted’ like 95%, but 5% was still something like three hundred dollars. I had little doubt in my mind that those might help someone else watching, but I was not interested and I wanted to come away from this having invested only my time anyways. And I didn’t, and still don’t, have a spare $300 lying around.

But I felt amazing by the time the webinar wrapped up.

Literally amazing. Spiritually empowered, ready to take on anything, incredibly emboldened and like nothing could stop me, nothing could hold me back anymore. It was an exhilarating feeling that rocked me to my core. I went into it having spent nothing and came out of it feeling like I’d just won the lottery, in spite of my bank account still showing negative digits. Nothing could crush me at that point - the reality of my situation hadn’t left me, but I felt markedly different about it.

I had to get on Discord and tell Mike about it right away. Mike, though he’s my best friend for life and I love him dearly, instantly had some negativity of his own to share re: the american political system and how the rich get richer while the poor get worse all the time - And that’s real life, unfortunately, and I’m not going to dismiss that. But that’s entirely the wrong attitude to have.

Here are some key concepts/key ideas that I took away from the webinar and would like to share with you folks:

1. Your attitude towards money is all wrong.

I’m being totally serious, and I think that this is something that a lot of people struggle with throughout their lives. If you aren’t born with it then you feel like you’re constantly scraping by. Your parents are always talking about debt and how they’re always scraping by too - I know mine were. I could write a book about all the wrong things my parents did just relating to money. Maybe someday I actually will :)

Your relationship with money is a major factor in how much you receive or what you have to do to get it. If you believe you can only make a lot of money by working hard, then that’s what you’ll have to do. If you feel like you’re always drowning in debt, then you will always be drowning in it. If you believe deep down that you’re unworthy of a lot of money, then you’ll never have a lot of money. You subconsciously reject money if you believe deep down that you’re not worth it. This can manifest in refusing a job promotion because you don’t think you’ve earned it, not applying for a job in the first place because you don’t meet the qualifications, or deciding against some action related to business (current or one you haven’t started yet) because it’s a lot of time investment, will keep you away from your family, a lot of money invested, etc. etc. etc. These really are excuses, because there are always affordable business loans, way to maintain work/life balance and family time, or accepting that promotion because it may just be a stepping stone towards something even better. You can’t know where it’ll take you until you try.

We make excuses to refuse money all the time, even if we don’t realize it. What about flipping the script for once and reasoning out with ourselves why we deserve money instead?

2. Jealousy and envy will do nothing but hold you back.

This is a tough one, but it ties into point one that attitudes about money are all wrong. If you hold it inside yourself that people who have a lot of money don’t deserve it, and spite and scorn them for having it, then you will never have it for yourself.

Harv said something that I thought was rather beautiful - “If you see someone with a big beautiful house, bless that house.” How wonderful that that family should have such a nice place to live, no? How wonderful that they have new, safe cars to drive for them and their children. No sarcasm involved. If you think positively about it for them, then this allows you to open yourself up to having those beautiful things as well.

3. Money is not evil.

Think about it. We talk (and Mike talked) about how guys like Jeff Bezos have enough money hoarded away when they could instead just snap their fingers and solve global poverty just like that.

If a construction worker decided one day to brain his coworker with a hammer, would you blame the hammer? No. Money is like the hammer - nothing but a tool to be used by the person wielding it. Money cannot make conscious decisions for itself, is not sentient, and is in fact entirely neutral as to whose hands it comes into.

It is completely possible to be rich and be a good person. One of my favourite random sayings that I carry with me when I’m looking for my next course of action is “Be the example”. Get your well-deserved money and then demonstrate it. Help you, because you probably need it, and then help those in need. You can absolutely be a good person with money because the two are not mutually exclusive, but of course don’t set yourself on fire to keep others’ warm. You can’t pull people up and out of their troubles if you’re still standing on unstable ground. Believe me, I’ve tried XD

4. Unfortunately, you don’t just magically get this money. You still have to do something for it.

In the webinar they talked about finding your life’s purpose and then living your purpose - something I still struggle with in spite of my elevated feelings immediately following said webinar. I am still not quite sure what my purpose is - I have a feeling, and I think it’s a good one (trying to build understanding between people and groups of people for everyone’s health and happiness), but I have other struggles that still block me.

The examples they gave related to business primarily. Harv was trying to start up businesses that didn’t work and were geared towards one thing, and Vishen was just struggling with his existing business. I think the important takeaway from their individual talks about it though is this: Work your passion. Find out what your passion is, get good at it, and then live and work your passion. They say that if you love your work then you’ll never work a day in your life, right? This idea is basically that in practice.

5. There is no such thing as having too much money.

Least of all when it comes to yourself :P

I used to do this thing where I’d play the lottery (yes I still play every week, shut up) and I would think to myself “I only need a million dollars to live comfortably the rest of my life. Anything beyond that is too much.” That was because I couldn’t appreciate the scope of having more than a cool mil. There is a factor of scale that just boggles my mind. A million dollars is already a lot of money, an almost unfathomable amount. The only frame of reference is that my house is probably worth about a quarter-mil right now. I could buy four of my house with one million dollars.

Well, I refuse to impose limits on myself like that anymore.

Bring on the 60 million dollar grand prize! This is my attitude now. There is still a part of me that sort of recoils at the idea of that money, but then I internally try to push that back with a follow-up thought of ‘just think about the number of people I could help with that money’. If Jeff Bezos won’t single-handedly solve poverty world-wide, then maybe I can. Give me that cool 60 mil, I am open to it and down to receive any sort of excess the universe wants to throw at me. I’ll make use of every single cent :D

6. I saw immediate results after embracing this way thinking.

This is absolutely true, and I have witnesses who can attest to that :)

After watching this seminar, within a few days of doing so, I had a room listed for rent online on a local classifieds website. My inbox exploded. I can’t even fathom how many responses I got, but it was easily upwards of fifty different people replying to my ad. Not only did I get the room rented, I got a second room I didn’t even list rented as well.

I also received some amazing and generous donations to my main blog’s Kofi from some amazingly generous friends of mine from here on Tumblr. I didn’t even ask, they just showed up and I was so thankful I cried.

A good long-time friend of mine was also generous enough to offer me a loan of $1000 USD in order to cover my bills and some other upcoming expenses. Initially I refused the loan, but after taking a second look at my finances, I decided to accept it and hope to pay it back in full by Christmas.

Now, I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of an abundant universe - I went into this as a skeptic and I came out still a bit skeptical - but there are definitely attitudes within me that can change so I can provide myself with more opportunities to find abundance in my own life. I went into this thing looking to boost up my esteem and got that in spades.

It all exemplifies something I already believed going into this, to be entirely fair; What you believe becomes reality. I have a few beliefs about my character that have helped to shape me as a spiritual person that initially may not have been true. I am confident, strong, and powerful. All of those things are absolutely true about me today. Put another way, you could say that manifesting abundance is very similar to the idea ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ XD

If I can find out whether they’re still running the webinar (I feel like it was definitely pre-recorded, but I doubt there’s a video just laying around), I’ll share it with you folks on here <3

Thanks for coming to my TED talk XD

#law of attraction #manifesting abundance #spirituality #money is not evil

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formerlyjannafaye · 6 years ago

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100 Questions

I was tagged by @janes-mike and @el-and-hop and @caseyk112 like 100 years ago and I just finished it now! Oops.

1. What is your nickname? Janaynay, Fayzers, Jan

2. How old are you? 31

3. What is your birth month? February

4. What is your zodiac sign? Aquarius

5. What is your favorite color? Rainbow

6. What’s your lucky number? 2

7. Do you have any pets? not at the moment

8. Where are you from? Canada

9. How tall are you? 5′4

10. What shoe size are you? 8

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? this is so embarassing, I probably own like 35 pairs of shoes (but in my defense, we experience extremes in all 4 seasons during the year) and I am a shoe addict.

12. Are you random? sometimes? but not really.

13. Last person you texted? my dad

14. Are you psychic in any way? i feel like i am really good at reading people and i have a really good memory when it comes to people so maybe a little?

15. Last TV show watched? New Girl

16. Favorite movie? Hard question! ET, Get Over It, Moulin Rouge

17. Favorite show from your childhood? Mr. Dressup!

18. Do you want children? I have one! I’d like one more, I think.

19. Do you want a church wedding? I had one.

20. What is your religion? I am a Christian, which I almost hate to say because Christians are represented so badly today and I am ashamed of this group so often. To clarify, I think Jesus is the bomb and so I try to emulate how he treated people. I’m also a feminist, pro marriage equality, pro choice, pro creation care/caring for the environment, I believe in science, I don’t believe in hell, and I hate violence. So...do with all that what you will.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I go there a lot with my work.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? I literally sweat when a cop car passes me and I’m a goody two shoes, so no! Haha

23. How is life? Its alright. I am really tired today which always affects my mood negatively. And I just watched Infinity War last night so I’m depressed, y’all. (edit: can you tell I started this over a week ago LOL)

24. Baths or showers? Showers (you could not pay me to get into a bath! germs!)

25. What color socks are you wearing? none, its too warm out

26. Have you ever been famous? Once I met the guy who won Canadian Idol and my local grocery store put up a picture of us together in the store and had it up for years. Haha!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I used to really want to be famous, but celebs get a horrible deal these days. They have no privacy and our world thinks they owe us everything and really they owe us nothing so I would never ever want to be famous. I like being able to look like crap daily and not have it in magazines.

28. What type of music do you like? I like a wide variety of music, the only music I don’t like, really, is misogynistic rap and country. I am a choral and accapella music nerd, I love it so much.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Yup.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two.

31. What position do you usually sleep in? On my side with my top leg thrown over so I’m in a weird stomach/side position but its sooo comfy.

32. How big is your house? Its a good size! Big enough for us and then to host people that come to visit us and our yard is huge!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I suck at breakfast...toast or a granola bar.

34. Have you ever left the country? I have been to Germany, South Africa, Cuba, Costa Rica and the USA.

35. Have you ever tried archery? Many years ago at summer camp.

36. Do you like anyone? Well I’m married, so yes.

37. Favorite swear word? Shit. It is sooo satisfying to say.

38. When do you fall asleep? WAY too late every night. Between midnight and 2 am.

39. Do you have any scars? Yeah I have some from when I had the chickenpox as a kid and had no self control and scratched them off.

40. Sexual orientation? Straight.

41. Are you a good liar? I think I am a horrible liar, because I value authenticity so much and lying makes me anxious.

42. What languages would you like to learn? I would love to learn Spanish since its so beautiful. Really I just would love to not only speak English!

43. Top 10 songs? Oh my! What a question! Imma be safe and just say the top 10 songs I am listening to most often right now: Fall in Line by Christina Aguilera ft Demi Levato, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by BSB, Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes, Bittersweet Symphony cover by Boyce Avenue, Love You Long Time by Pentatonix, Dive by Ed Sheeran, Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran, New Rules cover by Pentatonix, Casanova by Allie X, Gravity by Sara Bareilles.

44. Do you like your country? I do! I am mad at our leader rn, and appalled that Ontario elected a Donald Trump wannabe as a premier (like WHY HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING ONTARIO PERSONS UGH) but overall I love being Canadian.

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes! Its the best!

46. What is your personality type? I am an ESFP, an extrovert with introvert tendancies, and I am an enneagram 4 (seriously, google it. That is me to a T).

47. Hogwarts House? Hufflepuff 4 LYFE

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? I am Anne from Anne of Green Gables, just not as smart. Just as dramatic and short tempered, though.

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? I don’t like them or want them near me.

52. Favorite food? Chocolate. Chips and Dip. Dill pickles.

53. Favorite foreign food? I love Mexican food so much I can’t even pick one thing. Also naan bread is the BOMB especially when dipped into dal makhani. Uuuuuuugggghh I wanna eat that so bad rn.

54. Are you a clean or messy person? I am pretty clean, messiness makes me crazy.

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Pee standing up, see what its like to not have to deal with bathroom lines, street harassment, etc.

56. What color underwear? Grey.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 20 mins, but usually longer because I don’t like to be rushed so I take my time.

58. Do you have much of an ego? I don’t think so? I’m a walking pile of insecurities.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I used to bite them but I have TMJ and my jaw is a piece of garbage that cannot withstand biting anything hard without popping all out of place and pain. Fun times.

60. Do you talk to yourself? Yup.

61. Do you sing to yourself? CONSTANTLY.

62. Are you a good singer? I have a pretty decent voice.

63. Biggest Fears? Losing people I love, dying, clowns, bats, cockroaches

64. Are you a gossip? I like being in the know but I don’t like pettiness. That said I sometimes find I have to focus REALLY hard to bite my tongue.

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Absolutely.

66. Do you have long or short hair? Its too long! I need a haircut.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? Maybe? I might forget a few. The real question is can any of my American friends name the Canadian provinces (the CAN equivalent of states? I DOUBT IT yet we learn the states in school. SMH)

68. Favorite school subject? English and French

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Intoverted extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? Nope and I don’t plan on it.

71. What makes you nervous? Rooms full of people that don’t like me, small spaces, driving in winter.

72. Are you scared of the dark? Less than I used to be, but I don’t like it.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? I do daily but thats because I have a toddler and teaching/correction is important in some moments. But you also have to let them fail which is challenging to do.

74. Are you ticklish? Nope. Only my sister can tickle me and its so annoying when she does!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? Not that I can recall?

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yeah a few times

77. Have you ever drank underage? I don’t think so, I was 18 by the time I drank anything, I think.

78. Have you ever done drugs? No drugs scare the living crap out of me.

79. What do you fantasize about? Having more time to myself, living alone like a hermit and not having to work, having perfect hair every day, having another kid, living somewhere warm, saying snarky things to my MIL’s face.

80. How many piercings do you have? None.

81. Can you roll your R’s? Yes.

82. How fast can you type? Fast-ish if I’m on a roll but I don’t use the proper hand technique. I get by though.

83. How fast can you run? Run? Moi? HAHAHAHA

84. What color is your hair? Ash brown with a faded rainbow in the back.

85. What color are your eyes? Green.

86. What are you allergic to? Winter mold. Spring is the worst. And I can’t go barefoot on grass unless I want to have itchy swollen feet that I want to scratch off forever.

87. Do you keep a journal? I have one that I’m supposed to write a line a day in but I am the WORST at it. Once I get behind I get so unmotivated.

88. Are you depressed about anything? I feel like I’m sleep walking through my life sometimes, and depression takes away my ability to care enough to be motivated to do anything about it. I swear apathy is the worst side effect of depression for me!

89. Do you like your age? It is honestly the best. I love being 30! I care less about the insecurities that consumed my life in my early 20s. I have more body confidence . I’m more secure financially than I’ve been at any point in my life. And I still feel youngish. Haha.

90. What makes you angry? White privilege, misogyny, Canadian and American politics, Christian people who don’t act loving and don’t seem bothered by it, when people don’t return their shopping carts in parking lots, when people can help others but don’t, cancer, narcissists.

91. Do you like your own name? I have always loved my name. I only know one other person with my name who spells it like me!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? Odd question, no.

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? I have a boy, and if I ever get the opportunity to have another kid I kinda hope its a girl. I’m really close with my mom so I always imagined having a daughter to hopefully be close with too. My son is a mini me in every way, though.

94. What talents do you have? I have a semi-photographic memory (so helpful for studying), I learn song lyrics super fast, I can sing any song for you in the correct key it was recorded in (what would you call that? pitch memorization?)

95. Sun or moon? I love sitting in a sunbeam like a cat. But the moon is super comforting to me. Both.

96. How did you get your name? My mom wanted me to have a different name in a sea of Ashley’s and Brittany’s (I was born in the late 80s).

97. Are you religious? My faith is very important to me and relates to all areas of my life, including my job, so yes? But I don’t feel like I need to be in your face about it, that’s not my style.

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Yes and honestly everyone on the planet could benefit from it! Its the best!

99. Color of your bedspread? White with blue and goldish flowers on it.

100. Color of your room? Light grey.

I feel like everyone already did this but all the same I’m going to tag @earlgreyteagirl, @reddie-to-mileven-it-up, @stevemossington, @maxmayfield and here’s some people who I know already did this but I want you to see my answers haha so here goes @hannahberrie @summer-in-hawkins @jane-el-hopper @she-who-the-river-could-not-hold @thezoomermax @puzzlingsnark @fatechica @mikeweezers

#am i late to the party?#you know it #but running late is my style #sigh #survey

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