#been very hard to be creative these last 7 months

[budgebuttons]

outta my way gayboy I can fix her

(screenshot redraws)

[sterifels-blog]

Last night I had a thought about Simon but I'm not creative enough to come up with a good scenario, so I'll just skip ahead.

Imagine that Simon and Reader had a thing for 1 or 2 months but they never ended up dating, and then Simon disappears and doesn't respond to Reader's messages. A while later Johnny takes Simon and Kylie to spend the week at his house after a mission and there Simon discovers that Reader is Johnny's younger sister, and that the 1 year and 7 month old boy who is very attached to her is actually his son. As if Reader looks a lot like Johnny but her son is identical to Simon.

Feel free to ignore this 👀 Any language errors are Google Translate's fault. Either way I'll spend days thinking about this 🤸‍♀️

this is definitely not a prompt i'd usually cover, but i'll attempt it nonetheless. i had such a hard time trying to conceptualize what an appropriate reaction to this sort of situation would be, but there are so many different ways to validate a reaction. this is the best take i can offer you! ⤵️

A mess of things to fix.

Simon had never imagined that he would be standing in Johnny’s kitchen, staring at a child. A child that he couldn’t fathom, whose heartbeat was unmistakably his own, though he'd never had the chance to know him. The sticky summer heat of a mission’s aftermath still clung to him, sticking to his body in cloying sheets of sweat and travel-worn leather. Simon was a contradiction in flesh: battle-hardened, skin soaked in salt and iron, and yet standing awkwardly in the glow of the kitchen’s overhead light, as if someone had poured an entire century's worth of regret down his throat.

And there you were— you— who had once been just the woman who had made his bones hum beneath the skin. A weekend, a couple of months… something like that. Something forgotten by time, but carved into the ether between you both like graffiti in an alley only the broken remembered.

You were Johnny's younger sister. Johnny, the one who'd so effortlessly pulled him into this twisted little family. But now? Now everything was mangled and unspooled.

His son.

He tried not to blink too hard when he first saw the boy. You were holding him, cradling him in your arms. The little thing was bundled in too many blankets, chubby cheeks peeking from under his small beanie, his large eyes a mirror of someone Simon had never really been sure he wanted to meet. But there they were, those eyes—those identical, goddamn eyes.

Simon didn't remember this. He didn’t even remember the night. But here, in Johnny’s kitchen, surrounded by mugs and heavy laughter that seemed too far off to touch, everything started to settle in his chest like lead.

You didn’t know how to look at him either. There was the hesitation—splayed, unsaid—heavy between you both. The moment when his presence meant more than just the passing shadow of the past. The truth had settled and clung to your face like old makeup. You didn’t want him to see, but you knew. He knew. He knew because his blood had turned to ice, and in his veins, a cold panic spread.

You had a child. His child.

Johnny, ever the oblivious one, smiled as if he didn’t see the earthquake unfolding. “She looks just like me, right? Gave her my best traits. Don’t let her tell you otherwise.”

But it was clear, wasn’t it? Your son. He looked like him, even if the years had stolen what could have been.

“What’s his name?” Simon’s voice was gravel, rough with an unfamiliar edge. He felt nauseous with the knowledge. He couldn’t escape it. The knowledge of a past he’d left behind, unspoken, unresolved, and now here it was—too real to ignore. His son.

You swallowed thickly, keeping the boy close to your side. You told him the name, and Simon didn’t even register the syllables. The truth was louder than any name could be.

"Charlie."

Johnny clapped Simon on the back, misinterpreting the silence. “Oi, mate, just don’t look too long at her kid. He’s already on a first-name basis with trouble, trust me. I’ve seen the future, and it’s got a lot of broken windows in it.”

Simon forced a smile. A bitter curve of his lips. “..Right.” The awkwardness slithered around the table like some beast with too many eyes. Conversation flitted, fragile and half-formed, until dinner had ended and the quiet remained, stretching longer than it should have. The little boy yawned, and it was cemented in the moment it was time for bed. Simon barely heard the clinking of silverware, until Johnny was cooing a cheeky goodnight to his nephew- re-stating that his "favorite uncle" would be there to see him in the morning.

You stood, giving him no choice but to follow. The weight of the moment anchored his feet to the floor like gravity had decided it needed a joke at his expense. As you ascended the staircase with the boy in your arms, Simon’s boots followed behind in a trance. There was something haunting in the way you moved, like a shadow threading through space, one that should’ve been broken long before this— one that felt like a single thread was holding it together.

He hovered by the doorframe of the child’s room as you placed him gently into the crib. The boy squirmed for a moment, settling into the warmth of his sheets, but his little fingers gripped at your sleeve, unwilling to release. Simon watched, his throat tightening like an iron clasp.

You turned to look- and for the first time that night, you made eye contact. You didn’t say anything. Neither did he. The weight of the silence between you both felt like it had grown too heavy, and there, in the doorway, he lingered, as if you had just invited the storm into the room.

You couldn’t escape it any longer— the elephant sitting in the room had too many sharp edges. The question hovered between you, thick and suffocating. He was trying to push it back, but it was there, in his eyes, tangled with guilt and regret. Until, finally, he broke the silence.

"..Love. Can I… can I see him?" Simon’s voice cracked the air, raw and desperate, as if he had the right to ask something like that after all this time.

The words felt like they had shattered the air between you. There was an edge to them—like a plea wrapped in anger. He was furious, but at what? Himself? You? The situation? The fact that he was asking this, now—it made everything too complicated, too impossible.

It made your blood boil. Made your chest tight with a heat you couldn't contain. How dare he? How could he stand there and ask, knowing nothing? Knowing how many nights you’d spent alone, how many times you had to bite back tears, pretending you weren’t breaking under the weight of it all? You didn’t even tell him. You couldn’t. You hadn’t. And now, after all this time, after all the silence, he had the gall to ask for what was his—when he hadn’t been there to help raise him.

Your hands balled into fists at your sides, nails digging into your palms, but you didn’t snap at him. You couldn’t. You didn’t know how to explain it— the hurt, the fury, the helplessness. He didn’t know. And you hadn’t given him the chance to.

You swallowed hard, biting your lip to keep your voice from shaking. "Yeah," you muttered, cold as ice, before stepping aside. The words stung like salt on an open wound, but they slipped from you, like a wave crashing over the rocks. You didn’t know if you could even trust yourself to speak. "Yeah.. Just— don't hurt him.."

Simon’s eyes softened— too late— and he stepped toward the crib slowly, uncertain, like the boy wasn’t his own flesh and blood. Like he had no right. But he was there. He was looking, and you couldn’t stop it.

You stood by the door, back against the frame, arms crossed, watching as he hesitated, before reaching down to lift Charlie, awkwardly at first, as if he were holding something breakable. It was almost a joke— the way Simon held him like he was a piece of glass, fragile and unworthy of the comfort the child had never known he needed from his father.

And then, like a dam breaking, Simon’s face crumpled, his shoulders shaking, and you saw it. The first tremor of realization, of loss, of guilt— flooding over him in waves too powerful to stop. His hands shook, the child still clutched tightly in his arms, and he cried. A tear slipped down his cheek, followed by another, each one a crack in the wall he’d built around himself, and your heart twisted.

The bitter taste of resentment clawed at your throat, but it was drowned out by the ache you’d been carrying for so long. For so, so long. Watching him finally hold Charlie— the son he’d never known— made something snap inside you, something raw and real. And though you were furious— though a part of you wanted to hate him, to blame him for everything that had been missing, you couldn’t. Not entirely.

The tears fell freely now, down his stubbled chin, mixing with the slow, shuddering breath that escaped his lips. He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t even apologize in the right way, but you saw the regret in his eyes, and it twisted the knife a little deeper. He was sorry— more than he could ever express— but it was too late.

"You should’ve been here," you whispered, but Simon couldn’t hear you. He was lost in the weight of it all, too consumed by the moment, holding onto your son like he was the only thing left to hold onto in this shattered mess. He didn’t know how to fix it. Neither did you.

But you couldn’t take him back. Not like this. Not now.

And so, you let him hold him. And Simon wept.

[redsrooftopprincess]

Hey so how do you think raphael would deal with a s/o who goes all out for holidays. And also they tend to throw flirty seasonal comments at him. Trying to fluster him every single time. Valentine: “I think cupid might of struck me hard years ago when I laid mine eyes on you”. Halloween they’re a vampire “the only one I want to turn into a vampire is you ;)” and xmas they’re like “All I want for xmas is you”? Or mistletoe is on the ceiling above them suddenly and s/o is like “How’d that get there?” Nearly convincingly. 😂?

Hi there!!! I'm really hoping this turned out okay. 😅

Valentine

RaphaelxFem!reader

Warnings: none, pure fluff

He arrives to an empty apartment. It's only 7, so you're probably still on your way home from work. He heads to the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge, before moving toward the couch to waste time with video games while he waits for you.

As he crosses to the living room, he hears keys in the lock and moves casually out of sight of the door. It explodes open with almost pressurized force, pushed by the enormous collection of plastic shopping bags barely contained by the arms in your fluffy red sweater. You kick the door closed behind you and he's taking the bags from you almost instantly.

"Okay!" you grin, striking a pose as he sets the mountain of bags onto the kitchen table, "I'm here! Now what were your other two wishes?" He rolls his eyes and sighs, but he can't help the quirk of a smile. You're adorable. And he has to admit, you look damn good in his color.

You have a... thing for holidays. You honestly love any excuse to dress up and be silly. It doesn't hurt that it usually earns you a laugh from a certain red-banded bara who is so very pretty when he laughed. You only met a few months ago, but so far, over Samhain, Thanksgiving, and Solstice, he's thankfully gotten used to you going a *little* over the top.

Somehow (surely not all the decorations at your desk and themed outfits over the last year), your co-workers have also figured out how much you love holidays, and when they approached you about taking charge of their "Valentine's Day Luncheon," you were more than happy to oblige.

Now you survey the collection of red and white and pink in plastic before you, your mind whirring with potential. You'd asked Raph to come over on his night off because you had an excuse you needed help, and he was pretty hot handy with a glue gun.

After giving him a run down of everything in the bags, along with your "vision" as he liked to call it (complete with sarcastic hand gesture), you each grab an armful of craft supplies, and move into the living room to get to work. He clears off the coffee table while you order dinner, and soon the two of you are elbow deep in pink glitter and construction paper.

Everything starts out well enough. The drinks and creativity flow and your favorite romantic comedy plays unobtrusively in the background as you eat and laugh between cutting and pasting. You feel good. Valentine's Day may be tomorrow, but tomorrow is in about three hours and you're going to get to spend your first Valentine's Day (at least part of it anyway) with a guy you actually may be falling for and-

Your stream of consciousness comes to a screeching halt, the needle in your hand stilling halfway through the felt plush heart you had been sewing. You look over at him, telling some story about Mikey and Don when they were kids, and you definitely feel... something. But love, that kind of love, is big. Important. Especially for the Hamatos. Seeming so far out of reach for them they may as well be alone on the planet. This isn't the kind of thing you should even joke about until you're absolutely sure.

But it's Valentine's Day.

And wine is happening.

And as the night goes on, your heart and your tongue form an alliance against your brain.

Over the course of the evening you develop a habit of calling him anything *but* his name, and the way words like "Hot Stuff" "Romeo," and "Heartbreaker," roll off your tongue affects him in ways that are not allowed. He's fine. A deep breath and he's back to being cool. But the spark of trouble in your eyes when you call him, "Bruiser," leaves him needing a minute.

You see it. You can't help it. He's hot, and you're single, and it's Valentine's Day, and it seems like he can't get enough of you, and you are about half a bottle in. You start shooting the occasional cheesy pick up line his way, just to see what'll happen. And you are not disappointed.

Mike had subjected him to months worth of shitty pick up lines when he discovered them as kids, but you're so damn cute that they just come out silly and endearing.

"Hey," you call over to him across the living room, "do you like raisins?"

He looks confused, "I guess?"

"How 'bout a date?" You grin.

He rolls his eyes, but the adorable smile and slight color shift in his scales as he looks away is just addicting. With that kind of reaction, the wine in your bloodstream reasons, how the hell are you supposed to stop?

So, between the beer, and the constant back and forth between him thinking you're adorable, and him trying really really hard not to think about what those pet names coming out of that pretty mouth are doing to him physically, halfway through the night he was almost regretting agreeing to help you.

But then, it does stop.

He doesn't know when, through the haze of mild inebriation, and physical and emotional turmoil it's difficult for him to track, but at some point he notices the stupid pick up lines become less frequent, and the pet names become more and more tame until they almost stop completely.

He looks over at you, jaw tight, glaring at the felt plush heart in your hands. You had to make 120, this was your second one, Raph was already sixteen in, and the tangled mess of twisted pink thread was beyond unraveling.

You sigh, frustrated, "Raph, can you toss me the scissors?"

Sewing isn't exactly your forte. It's not that you don't get the mechanics of it: needle + thread + fabric = thing. As long as you can move in a straight line and you don't stab the shit out of yourself it should be easy right? But your hands are uncoordinated and sewing machines can smell fear. You've tried. You just can't sew. Why you decided that *this* was what is needed for the party tomorrow, you will never understand. You thought it'd be easy. It was supposed to be easy.

He stares at you for a few moments, brow knitted in thought as he takes in what's happening. "Having trouble, princess?" He asks. He smirks, but not unkindly.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I guess..." You respond, taking the scissors from him and attempting to carefully cut through the tangled mass to remove it... which results in you cutting a quarter inch whole through both layers of felt. Your jaw tightens, and you sigh heavily. "I can't sew," you admit, almost shamefully.

He makes a face, "What do you mean you 'can't sew?'"

You sigh, tossing the ruined decoration into the plastic bag the two of you have been using for trash, "I mean I can't sew."

"Anyone can sew," He states, as if it's an objective fact.

You attempt not to snort derisively. You fail.

"You really don't think you can sew?"

You look pointedly at the ruined heart, before looking back at him and wordlessly raising an eyebrow.

Disengaging, you snatch another couple of felt pieces and some pink thread off the coffee table and settle back into your spot in the papasan. He watches as you try and fail to thread the needle. Three times.

You're embarrassed. And frustrated. This is supposed to be your favorite holiday and you're spending it fighting with a stupid needle and looking like an idiot in front of the guy you... something-like-love-...-maybe, and you're so stuck in your own head, you don't notice that he's moved until he's kneeling in front of you and stilling your hands.

He holds up a small metal disk. It looks slightly like a custom made swiss army knife, that has Donnie written all over it. He pushes a lever and a wire... loop? I guess? Pops out of it. You look at him quizzically.

"May I?" He asks, holding his hands out. He takes the needle and thread upon your acceptance. He flicks a small lever and a small pair of scissor pops out of the other side, which he uses to snip off the frayed two inches of embroidery thread. He dexterously replaces the scissors, and, holding the needle, you watch him push the wire through the hole, feed the thread through, and then pull it back out, the needle now neatly threaded.

You blink up at him. He smiles, holding up the disk, "Needle threader," he tosses it in your lap, "your new best friend."

You give him a stunned half smile and start working on your second heart for the second time.

Your not sure how, but somewhere between the first and the fifth stitch, your thread twists and knots itself, resulting in a smaller version of your previous tangle. He cringes.

"Y'know... I could teach you," he ventures hesitantly, "if you want, I mean."

You pick up the disc in your lap and examine it. A specialized tool that Red just happened to have on him, despite him having no idea what fresh insanity you had planned for tonight. Needles, thread bobbins, and several other things you don't recognize, all easily accessible and deployable. The kind of tool you don't have unless you do something very specific. Your frustrated gaze becomes more thoughtful.

"Do you make all your clothes?" You ask, softly, the ghost of a smile hiding in the corner of your mouth as you look back up at him.

The shift in tone catches him off-guard, and when your gaze finds his, it feels like all the breath has left his body. "Well, yeah..." He says, almost transfixed, before clearing his throat and recovering with a smirk, "you really think they make clothes in our size?"

"No," you say, your smile slightly resurrected, "no, I suppose they don't." You look down at the felt in your hands, and it dies again, "I'm afraid you may have your work cut out for you. A lot of people have failed to teach me to sew. I'm pretty sure I'm a lost cause."

"Bullshit," he says, pushing the coffee table back far enough that he can sit in front of you.

After twenty minutes of neat and simple failure, you drop the heart in your lap and cover your face with your hands. "This is hopeless. I can't make the needle do," you gesture vaguely, "whatever it is that you're doing to make this work. We need to pivot," you start looking around at what craft supplies are left, your mind trying to find something you could make as a replacement.

"No."

"What?" Your eyes return to his.

"Excuse me," he clears his throat, "Hell no."

You look confused.

"I said I was gonna teach you to sew, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do if it takes all damn night."

"Raph, it's 11:30, we are out of time for that. We need something easier."

"Please, I can knock these out by myself in an hour, this is more important." He gently places a hand on your knee, and you try to ignore the way it covers nearly half your thigh, "If you want to learn, I want to teach you," he says softly. "But only if you want." He adds, backing off slightly, afraid he might be pushing too hard.

"Look," he continues, "after D, you're probably one of the smartest people I know. So, while it's really cute watching you struggle this hard at something for once," he smirks when you glare at him, "it seems like this really bothers you, and if I can, I want to help."

Okay, this is not helping your little something-like-love situation *at all*.

"Though, I'll admit, there might be a tiny part of me that would, selfishly, really like to show off teach you something that I'm really good at I really enjoy." He gives you what he hopes is his most convincing smile. He doesn't often get to flex outside of the weight room.

You're hesitant. You really *really* don't want to look like any more of an idiot in front of Raphael, and you have zero confidence that this will do anything more than frustrate the both of you, but you can see the poorly concealed hopeful excitement in his eyes, and, Fuck, how is he so damn cute?

"Okay, fine," you relent with a sigh.

"Cool," he says, standing and trying not to grin. He grabs a stack of felt hearts and some thread from the table. "Would you be cool with me sitting behind you? It'll easier to see what you're doing from there."

It's a move he almost immediately regrets when you nod and he settles himself behind you on the papasan. You're close, very close, and he's been drinking. He tries desperately to focus as you command the attention of all his senses. Your warmth radiates through his plastron, and the shape of the chair traps your scent around him. He wills his hands to stay right where they are, as you settle against him.

It's... difficult. He tries talking you through everything, but somehow it isn't translating to your stupid hands. He can feel it, your body almost as curved and rigid as his own carapace with tension. He puts a hand on your arm. "You're pulling too tight. Here," he rumbles into your ear, his rough hands gentle as they move down your arms to your own, "like this." You hope he doesn't notice the gooseflesh that has scattered over your skin.

Over the next half-hour, he guides you through the motions, your small hands moving within his own, and it isn't long before the two of you fall into a comfortable rhythm. It starts to feel less like your fighting with the damn thing and more like you're actually capable of handling this, your smile even claws it's way out of it's grave a little.

About fifteen minutes in you start to notice something. A sound or a feeling, you can't quite figure out which, seeming to envelope you. It takes a good few minutes before you realize... It's him.

Donatello told you about this. You heard it once in the lab when Don had been tinkering, contentedly, with a new graphics card for a good while. He seemed embarrassed when you asked, but he explained, very clinically, what it was and why it was happenings.

He called it a "churr," and explained that it's something involuntary that happens when they're content, or happy, or excited, or pissed. Similar to a growl or a purr. (The squeal you had to contain when you found out they purr luckily only came out as a quiet squeak. Don gave you a look.)

And now it's surrounding you. Vibrating against your spine and down your arms. He seems to not even realize it's happening. You suppress a smile. You consider saying something, but your worried he'll get embarrassed and stop. He's pretty sensitive about the non-human parts of his life, so you instead choose to just shut up and enjoy the fact that he's evidently enjoying his time with you.

And he is. It's the first time the thought of Valentine's Day doesn't entirely leave a bitter taste in his mouth. Normally, he wouldn't even leave the lair today, but you'd asked him to come over and help with decorations, and he stupidly agreed. It was you. Of course he was going to say yes. And, honestly, it isn't as painful as he thought it was going to be. You're hot, and fun, and if his terminally single ass is going to do anything other than sulk on Valentine's Day. This ain't half bad.

Once you seem to have the hang of things, you both start working as individuals, though neither of you move far from your positions. That's when he notices it, too, in a lull in conversation, a deep rumble from within his chest. He shifts in the chair, uncomfortably, and clears his throat in hopes that it'll stop, or at least interrupt the involuntary process. But, no. He's not that lucky. Maybe if he just pretends it isn't happening. You don't seem to have noticed yet.

He continues on as if nothing is going on, and eventually settles back into a comfortable rhythm. The mild embarrassment remains, but overall if you don't mention it, maybe it doesn't bother you? You've never really flinched at his weird turtle shit, and maybe this is no different. By 3:30, all 120 hearts have been completed, and his churring has faded almost into white noise.

You steel yourself and sigh internally. You don't want to. You really don't want to. But you have to be at work in five hours, so you stand, yawning. "Okay," you grin, stretching, "thanks for the help, now get the fuck out."

He gets up and tosses the last heart onto the pile, grinning, "Well, shit, how's that for gratitude?" Tonight was a good night.

After a few minutes of both of you finding any reason to stall, you run out of them, and he makes his way out to the fire escape. Speaking, crouched, through the window, he's at eye level, and you kiss his cheek, softly, "Thank you," you say sincerely.

He tries to play it cool, but the hunter green stripes down the lines of his throat darken just a little, and his smirk shifts into something just a bit more bashful.

Gods damn it, this boyish fucking asshole.

"Hey," you say before he can run off, "so, um, it's Valentine's Day, and I'll be getting out of work after sundown tonight, so..." Play it cool, damn it. "You know, there's probably going to be a lot of creeps out, and-"

"I can walk you home," he interrupts a little too eagerly, his stripes darkening further, "uh, if you want, I mean. I'm not saying you couldn't handle some creeps on your own, I just, uh..." He laughs, nervously as he trails off, embarrassed.

You try not to grin, "I'd appreciate that," you say, blushing, and you swear he lights up like Christmas morning.

He gets back home at about sunrise, and doesn't sleep all day. At about 5:30 in the evening his phone buzzes, and he can't help the smile that blooms across his face when he sees your name. When he opens the message the smile fades and is replaced by something very different.

It's a photo of you, probably taken by one of your coworkers, posed coquettishly in front of a Valentine's Day themed step and repeat banner, in a vintage red dress that hugs your curves deliciously. Which you fully didn't pick out with a certain guy in mind, why would you think that?

If you'd been present, you would know that the dress has done it's job, and after a few minutes staring dumbly at the now saved photo on his phone, he starts prepping for a night of protecting the good people of New York City.

Okay, maybe just one, in particular.

.....

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[sirfrogsworth]

The Testosterone Report

I'm going to use this post to help document any changes I notice as I begin TRT.

For those who missed it, I was diagnosed with crucially low levels of testosterone which have been causing serious fatigue and brain fog issues beyond my already present serious fatigue and brain fog issues. I used to only have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Narcolepsy fighting each other to make me tired. But the universe decided I could be even more fatigued than I already was. Going from being in bed about 20 to 22 hours per day to being in bed 24/7 for the last 2 months.

So, here we go...

12/16/24

I had two very intense nightmares. I know sometimes people get nightmares, but these felt very different. And I'm pretty sure they were manifested by my body adjusting to the T.

I also had another very obvious sign of increased testosterone. I struggle to talk about sexual things. I grew up very repressed. But hopefully we are all adults here and I can talk about this maturely without it being a big deal. I'm just tracking my progress and this is relevant information concerning my treatment.

That said, I had 2... incidents.

Yeah, I'm going to need a codeword for this so I don't feel so awkward talking about it.

I had 2... hormone-induced hard-ons.

Which we are going to call HI-HOs from now on.

Because we are adults and very mature.

I haven't had any issues getting a HI-HO with low T. The equipment always worked whenever I tested it out. I just was severely lacking in interest. Which I blamed on stress and anxiety and age.

These 2 HI-HOs were completely spontaneous and occurred without any stimulus. They also felt more... enthusiastic. So I was confident they were actual HI-HOs and not just run-of-the-mill HOs.

Or ROTM-HOs

--End of Report--

If I can be honest about something... I think I ignored my diminished libido for a long time because I preferred it. I am very lonely and I don't have much chance of ever changing that. I will never have the energy required to be in a healthy relationship. I tried several times and could never make it work.

So I liked not having to deal with that aspect of daily living. I liked having my thoughts clear and unmotivated by sex. And I'm not entirely sure I want my libido to return, so I think I ignored it as a possible symptom.

But I can't live with this much fatigue and lack of concentration. I can't finish sentences. Communicating with the people in my life has become very difficult. And the one thing I enjoy the most and find the most relaxing is editing photos. This past week I have struggled to find the concentration to edit anything at all. If I have to put up with a bunch of HI-HOs to keep my most important creative outlet, so be it.

I did hear back from a therapist. I will hopefully be starting in January. Perhaps I can figure out how to deal with this particular matter. It was nice to not have any sexual frustration for a while. But I think finding better coping methods is probably the best way to go.

[spicycinnabun]

pt. 1 2 3 5 6 7 💐

When Steve first started working at the flower shop, he had only been helping customers and taking their orders over the phone. Their small family business had grown quicker than anticipated, and Steve’s parents had needed the extra set of hands.

The shop had been a gift to his mother. It had been something she’d always wanted, but his dad had never agreed to, until finally, he had fucked up badly enough in their relationship and had funded it out of guilt.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that it turned out to be as successful as it was. Steve’s mom, Linda, was passionate and talented. She loved flowers and celebrations of any kind and maintained a big, beautiful garden at home.

It also helped that his father and mother were socialites. They had a lot of friends to support the business, spread the word, and make it b(l)oom. They had a great location in the mall with little competition around.

For good or bad, weddings, anniversaries, sickness and death, flowers were always there.

Steve had mostly helped after school, but it became his full-time gig once he’d graduated and hadn’t gotten into college. Due to the sheer volume of orders, his mother could no longer make the arrangements alone, so she’d taught Steve everything she knew.

From watching her over the years, Steve knew how to care for the flowers. He could prep them and nurture them. The creativity that came naturally to his mother took Steve a bit of time, but he eventually realized what looked good. Usually, it was the simpler arrangements. He was good at that.

Linda was very kind in general, always giving him positive feedback and encouragement instead of criticism. Steve was lucky to have her, especially since his father was so hard on him. She loved and cared for him unconditionally. While his father constantly tried to make him feel inferior, her belief in him built him up to be the strong, confident man he now was.

When his mom had to step back even more from the business to travel abroad with his dad, Steve suggested they hire Robin. Scoops hadn't been fun for her, probably ever, and Steve had missed her since graduating.

At first, Steve didn’t think he’d like working at the shop, but like a flower, it had grown on him. He liked helping people, talking to them, and most surprisingly, he liked the flowers and what he could do with them. While he liked roses—after he removed their thorns, of course—his true favorite was sunflowers.

Working there suited him. It was simple. It let him use his hands and mind in ways he hadn’t tapped into while in school or doing sports. He enjoyed the additive and subtractive aspects of flower arranging. His favorite part was the pruning. It was almost cathartic. He loved pulling and clipping off all the unnecessary parts and making them look perfect.

It took Steve a minute to recognize the man walking around the shop.

Last month, when he was working on the big window display, Steve had seen him for the first time. Guitar case, long rocker hair, enough rings and piercings to set off a metal detector fifty miles away… but Steve remembered it most because the guy had tried to say something to him through the glass. He had left before Steve had gotten the chance to go out and ask him what he’d said.

The second time, Robin had waited on the mystery man. Steve had just caught him walking out with a dozen Black-eyed Susans while he stood there, disgruntled, in his soil-stained apron.

This time—the third time—it was late, and Robin had already clocked out for the night. Steve was sick. He was in the middle of a cold and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. But even though he wasn’t feeling good, he knew he still had to do his job. There were flowers to be sold.

So, mustering up a charming smile, Steve approached him. "Can I help you find anything today?"

🌷🪻🌻🌹

this part written by my stevie, @batty4steddie (psst, go check out her gorgeous st gifs too) 💕

[girl-named-matty]

𝐇𝐚𝐲𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞: 𝐀𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Welcome to... The Hayrose Cinematic Universe!

An alternate universe of Hogwarts MC's that all started with one simple ship between two delusional nerds (AKA me and @acslytherpuff <3) and spiraled out into a whole separate universe! I'll show you around! I'll show you around! Buckle up because we got a lot to go over!

Meet the crew!

These two lovely souls are Alvin Hayoung and Matty Ambrose--hence the ship name "Hayrose". You guys have probably heard and seen a lot of them if you've been following my blog these past couple of months. These two are the kickoff to the HCU! It all started with one look when Alvin was immediately smitten and well the rest is history.

This is Cassie Luna, Alvin's best friend and loved by many. She's practically the whole reason why Matty and Alvin are together. Both reluctant to confess, Cassie gave them just a little (very big lol) push in the right direction (as in she threatened to feed alvin to the dementors, dont ask) and they were together by the next week.

Speaking of Cassie, let's get onto her boyfriend, Alex. Now, if it isn't already obvious, Alex is Alvin's older brother. Guess the four of them are completely stuck together forever. Alex is your typical bad boy but he's got some soft spots, especially for Cassie. He's a year older than Alvin but returned during Alvin's 7th year to finish his own last year at school and of course, met Cassie and immediately knew she was the one for him. (Alvin, Cassie, & Alex by @acslytherpuff)

Now that we've introduced those four, let's get into the groups! (I swear we were all on something while coming up with these names, I'll leave it at that LOL)

"The girlies", "The Rizzies", and "The Baddies," Pretty gen-z for some Victorian teens, right? The Girlies

This is Amberlyn Salters, but we all just call her Alyn. She's a part of "The Girlies" and ironically, so is her boyfriend, Ominis. That's because he knows all the gossip so we let him tag along. And while she can be rather quiet, she's usually analyzing something in her mind, trying to answer questions, or breaking them down. A true Ravenclaw if you ask me. (Alyn is by @ps-cactus)

This is Vittoria "Tori" Lewis, probably one of the coolest girls ever. Lover of all things caffeinated, she's a joy to be around. Her girlfriend, Poppy, is also an honorary member of "The Girlies". Tori brings the much needed chaos, when she has enough caffeine in her system, of course. She's loyal and a hard worker, staying true to the Hufflepuff house reputation. (Tori by @espressoristretto-patronum)

This is Valentine "Val" Black and she's one of our spitfires. While simultaneously being able to deal with her family, she also somehow manages to keep up with her boyfriend, Cal, and their 24/7 third-wheel Ale, who we'll introduce later. They are the CalValAle trio and she's got those boys on an impressively tight leash. And while she's quite the loving girl, don't try to take advantage of her. She is in no way a pushover and she'll let you know that. (Val by @savingsallow)

This is Johanna "Jo" Newman. She's both intelligent and the first one to dive into danger if needed--which gives her boyfriend, Silas, a heart attack every time. Thank goodness his hair is already greyed so he can't get any more greys with her. But Jo is extremely loyal and if you ever need random facts, Jo is definitely the person to go to. Her mind is an endless pit of random knowledge. (Jo by @ravenwind-75)

This is Damien Evans and yes he is a part of the girlies but thank goodness his boyfriend Sebastian is not (last time he tried to infiltrate, it did not go well). Besides having the most amazing hair on the planet, Damien is involved in all of the girlies activities, including the sleepovers. He's the hair braiding champ 💪. His creativity is unmatched and he's quite compassionate as well! (Damien by @theladyofshalott1989)

This is Ellie Crawford and she's actually a part of both the girlies and the baddies, Ellie is the protector of the group and can scare anybody out of a fight before it even starts. She also protects the girlies secrets from her other group, the baddies, when they ask what's going on at the sleepovers. The tea is hot y'all. Ellie is confident, full of hilarious sarcasm, and is quite the morally grey character you can't help but love. (Ellie is by @accio-bagel)

Onto the Rizzies

The Rizzies consist of three hufflepuff's who, or at one point, have absolutely no rizz but yet give each other silly and ridiculous dating advice but somehow it worked? This trio consists of Alvin and two others I will now introduce.

This is Theodore Lupin--Or Theo for short. And yes, it's that Lupin you're thinking about. And it's really ironic that he's even in this group because he's quite literally too afraid to talk to most women anyway, unlike his best friend Cal. Half of the time, it's just Alvin and James trying to get him out on a date... he'll get there. (update: he finally got a girl!)

This is Jaimsen "James" Hisui. He made it into the Rizzies by being flirtatious and having really bad pickup lines that he's really creative about, actually. But I guess it worked since he pulled his boyfriend, Ren. His outgoing personality definitely played a part in that too! He's also amazingly creative (and very hyper lol) but oh so friendly! (James is by @leaping-toadstool-caps)

Onto the Baddies!

So, we already know Alex and Ellie, so let's get on to Ale, Cal, and Freddie.

Callan "Cal" Gaunt and Alejandro "Ale" Salvatori are quite the interesting duo who happened to like the same girl for a while--hence the love triangle situationship thing that nobody can ever keep up with. While Ale third wheels Cal and Val most of the time, he's still very loved by the both of them. Both of these are rather flirty and witty but under the surface of that, Cal is quite the passionate and soft guy and Ale immerses himself in things such as poetry. Both are very loyal to the people they love. (Ale also belongs to @savingsallow)

Fredrick "Freddie" Harpis is the last one in the Baddies group. He doesn't even know how he got here, his girlfriend, Ellie, just pulls him around to things most of the time. Also with a little influence from his sister figure, Matty, from time to time. He's a little rough around the edges but deep down he's a total softie he just won't admit it :) (Freddie by @freddiestheproblemchild)

We're done with the groups--but did you really think we were finished there? Think again.

The Evanders

These are the Evander brothers, Killian and Silas. While Silas is a normal Slytherin student, enjoying the company of his girlfriend, Jo, and his friend group, his older brother Killian is always finding ways to meddle in things. Nobody knows why he's so dedicated to annoying the group, or getting involved in the messes, we can just assume it's a pastime of his for whatever reason lol.

So just know, wherever the HCU crew is going, Killian is probably soon to follow.

Honorable mentions!

This is Phillip! He's Professor Fig's adopted son and a good friend of Matty's whom he met in Charms class and he is a fellow member of the Gryffindor house. (By @endeavour12345)

This is Danny, he's also a good friend Matty's but he's also good friends with Silas! He and his girlfriend, Adelaide, can often be found together around the herbology greenhouses or up in the Ravenclaw hall, studying with Silas. (By @catohphm)

These two are Jamie Ambrose and Amara Ambrose. Jamie is Matty's "Brother" (they're basically twins with how alike they are) and Amara is their chaos cousin. This family tree is complicated! (Jamie by @rypnami and Amara by @boxdstars)

This is Helena Elwyn-er, well Professor Elwyn. She showed up a year ago and gave the whole school something to talk about when she began her relationship with our other Professor, Professor Sharp. Apparently they had known each other for years and well, now they're the two professors everybody knows are dating even if they haven't outright said it. She's like an extra mom to a lot of the school and to be honest, she probably knows more students than anybody else. And will always be the first to help them get out of detention :)

So, how did all of this happen?

Backstory

The origins of the HCU have changed quite a bit but to accommodate for so many MC's, we've come up with quite the silly answer that involves Sebastian being an idiot and accidentally resulting in the start of the HCU.

Alvin, Alex, Cassie, Alyn, Cal, Theo, Val, and Ale, all existed in the same universe and knew each other (except for Alex until 7th year), all attending school at the same time. In this universe (the HCU), all the crazy 5th year stuff doesn't take place. It's a relatively all around peaceful universe. Of course, you still have people like the Gaunts and Killian always meddling around but that's better than the crazy fifth year stuff, right?

Meanwhile, Matty, Ellie, Jo, Tori, Freddie, Damien, and James were all off in their own separate universes, dealing with the absolute hell that was their fifth year LOL. However, when they were down in the catacomb with Sebastian, dealing with the relic, something went wrong and each of them were sucked out of their own universe and sent to the HCU all at the same time while their version of Sebastian was left very confused.

Naturally, they were very confused as to why this universe was so different. Why wasn't the fifth year here like the one they had experienced? Of course, they all immediately went to the school looking for answers. Let's just say every single professor were very confused as to the random influx of students and Professor Fig was left wondering why so many of them seemingly knew him so well (although he welcomed the love with open arms, alongside his wife, Miriam, of course.) And while it took forever, eventually it was worked out but they decided to stay, enjoying the peacefulness that came along with this universe.

By the time 7th year rolled around (which is when the HCU is set), things had been worked out and everything has been accommodated and figured out and all of them are now living very happy lives within the HCU :)

(don't ask about what happened to their prior universes, we don't know. that was too much work to go through.🤣)

I hope you all enjoyed and will enjoy coming on for the ride that is the Hayrose Cinematic Universe!

Disclaimer: This entire universe is a completely separate one from that of each MC's original lore (save for a few). This idea is simply just a bunch of friends having fun and nothing complicated is meant by it lol.

[kpopfanfictrash]

The Ten Days of Ex-Mas (Teaser)

Posting Date: Tuesday, December 19th, 7:00 PM CT

Creative Collaborator: @kithtaehyung FOR THIS AMAZING BANNER!

Genre:  Holiday / Second Chance!AU / Hockey!AU

Pairing: Jimin / Reader (F)

Length: One Shot 

Synopsis: Three months following the worst break-up of your life, you finally feel ready to start moving on. The world, it seems, has other ideas when you pick up the phone and find your ex-boyfriend calling.

Jimin Park, star right winger of the NHL and (until recently), the love of your life, has a very large problem. Despite the courage he regularly shows on the ice, in his personal life, Jimin is kind of a coward. When you broke up this fall, he could barely admit it. Not to his neighbors. Not to his friends. Not even to his family, who are expecting him home for Christmas. In a desperate plea for more time, Jimin begs you to pretend you’re still dating – and to his surprise, you agree. Faced with a second chance, Jimin is determined not to squander it. If only fixing a relationship were as easy as falling in love.

Author’s Note: Part of the Jingle All the Way collaboration!

Estimated WC: 45K (... whoops; this will probably be multiple parts)

Rating: 18+

Preview: 2,141

Y/N POV

You should have known better than to trust Namjoon with your dating life.

Yoongi never would have put you in this situation. The more level-headed of your two best friends, Yoongi approaches matters of the heart with the same rationality he does everything else. Namjoon, on the other hand, is a great guy – who is notoriously bad at reading other people.

The number of times you’ve been forced to step in and save him from phone scams is astounding. It’s not his fault, really – Namjoon trusts too easily, which doesn’t serve him well in this world. He’s always willing to give others the benefits of the doubt, which gets him into trouble. 

And now you, by extension, having accepted the blind date he proposed.

Mike Davis moved into Namjoon’s building two months ago, and Namjoon has been adamant since the start that you two would hit it off.

“He goes to all the same conventions you do,” he assured you last week on the phone.

“Which conventions?” you asked, squinting hard at the wall. “I know you’re not big into nerd culture, Namjoon, so as an FYI – not all cons are considered equal.”

Namjoon rattled off a few you’d attended, impressing you enough to agree despite the initial disinterest. This agreement may have been spurred by tonight being the three-month anniversary of the worst break-up of your life.

Almost as soon as you sat, you realized your mistake. While you may have reached a point where you don’t cry every time your ex’s name is mentioned, the prospect of dating someone else is an entirely different matter. Getting dressed up felt strange, as did traveling to the restaurant and waiting for Mike at the bar.

The fact that Mike called this place a ‘restaurant’ should have been your first clue, as Hat Trick is most definitely a sports bar – specifically, a hockey bar. Had you known (really, you should have known), you wouldn’t have gone, but you were nervous and trying to make a good impression. Upon arriving, you arranged yourself awkwardly on a sticky bar stool and waited seven minutes for Mike to walk in.

Nearly an hour later, you find yourself regretting coming at all. Mike excused himself two minutes ago for the bathroom and as soon as he left, you sagged with relief.

He’s a nice guy, you suppose. Good looking, with light brown curls and dark eyes. You can see why Namjoon thought he might be good for you – Mike is the exact opposite of your ex in many ways. Constantly frazzled, he arrived late to the bar, only to immediately duck outside because he forgot to pay the parking meter. Jimin was the type to unpack his suitcase immediately after reaching the hotel and brought several chargers in case one of them died.

Once the meter was paid, Mike sat down and immediately launched into his entire life story. You suppose you should have been happy about this, since lack of communication ended your last relationship but instead, found yourself overwhelmed. 

Mike finally paused for breath once your drinks arrived, allowing you a moment to answer his questions. The moment you said you ran a pretty popular cosplay TikTok, Mike instantly shifted from arrogant to insecure. 

“I can’t believe you came,” he exhaled with a shake of his head. “When Namjoon showed me your picture, I said no way would you go out with me. You’re way too beautiful.”

Somewhat awkward, you laughed. “Don’t try and get me to leave, now, Mike.”

His eyes widened, not catching your sarcasm and it took several moments to get back on track. Everything since has been downhill, so when he excused himself for the bathroom, all you felt was relief.

Digging through your purse, you pull out your phone and swipe to the group chat.

Y/N: Namjoon, WHAT possessed you to set me up with this man [7:46 PM]

Yoongi’s reply comes immediately.

Yoongi: told you it was too soon [7:46 PM]

Namjoon’s ellipses join in.

Namjoon: what! Why? What happened?? Mike didn’t try something on you, did he? [7:47 PM]

Y/N: no, no – nothing like that [7:47 PM]

Y/N: he just keeps saying how *amazing* I am and how he doesn’t know why I’m on this date at all [7:47 PM]

Yoongi: dude [7:48 PM]

Y/N: EXACTLY [7:48 PM]

Before Namjoon can respond, the bartender changes the channel and an all-too-familiar name blares over the speakers. Slowly, you look up, and all thoughts of Mike fade, faced with NHL coverage.

Nope, no – absolutely not.

Leaning over the counter, you lightly tap the bartender. “Hi.” Brightly, you smile. “First off, could I have another glass of white wine? And then, maybe… could you change the channel?”

Glancing around, the guy shakes his head. “Yes, to the wine, but no, the channel,” he says with a shrug. “Half the people in here came to watch the game. Pre-show coverage is part of that.”

With an apologetic nod, he grabs a rag and disappears. Sinking back in your seat, you stare at your hands, clasped tightly together. Your spot at the bar puts you in the unfortunate position of hearing each word the announcers say crystal-clear.

“Well, Josh, what chance do you think the Blackhawks have tonight?”

The silver-haired man beside him bobs his head. “Steve, I’d say their chances are pretty darn good. You’ve seen this team’s early games. Their first line is strong, especially now that Park’s back.”

“Oh, absolutely – Jimin Park has been crucial in the last couple of games. He was sorely missed last season.”

“Ha! You can say that again.”

Trying to hide your wince, you clasp your hands tighter as a fresh glass of wine is set down. “Thanks,” you mutter, downing half in one gulp.

Immediately, your plans for later tonight shift to accommodate another bottle of wine. Movement catches the corner of your eye, and, despite yourself, you watch the montage of star right winger, Jimin Park, tearing his way down the ice. Shamefully, you recognize every shot since, although you broke up in September, you continued to watch every game.

“One of the most talked about moments last year in hockey was the late check on Park by Blues player, Brent Howard,” continues the announcer, Josh. “His helmet came loose when he hit the boards, and he went down hard on the ice. Park suffered a sprained knee and herniated a disc in his neck. A complicated surgery took him for most of the season, only starting to skate with the team again over the summer.”

Hearing the trauma recounted with such callousness, you find yourself gripping your wine glass tighter than before.

“I don’t think anyone ever expected Park to play again,” agrees the other announcer, Steve. “It’s a damned miracle he’s back on the ice – but to return and be this good? Park has always been one of the best right wingers in the league, but I’d say he’s the best offensive player on the ice right now.”

“A bold claim!” laughs Josh. “But I might just agree. Even Jungkook Jeon on the Rangers hasn’t been matching Park in assists.”

“Exactly! I mean, look at the numbers. Last year, the Blackhawks barely made the playoffs and now, they’re first in the Western Conference.”

“Truly amazing, given the nature of his injury last November. I don’t know how familiar you are with herniated discs, Steve, but –”

Mike slides back onto his stool. Grateful for the distraction, you turn fully to face him. Having already lived through the injury once, you have no need to reminisce. Replacing your phone in your purse, you smile gamely at Mike.

“So,” you say, attempting to save the conversation. “Namjoon mentioned you like conventions? What fandoms are you a part of?”

“Oh.” Mike loosely shrugs. “I doubt you’ve heard of any of them.”

At his dismissive tone, you stiffen. Your experience with the male side of fandom is always a toss-up. “Well, there are a lot of them. Any that are more mainstream?”

He considers. “Marvel?”

Stunned, you blink once or twice. Marvel has to be one of the biggest fandoms on the planet, let alone in the country. Even if you weren’t deep in the convention circuit, you’d have heard of Marvel.

“Yeah,” you say slowly. “I think I’ve heard of that.”

“Cool, cool.” Mike nods. “Namjoon said you do cosplay – and showed me your TikTok! You know, you’d make a great Wonder Woman.”

You can practically feel your jaw tighten. “That’s DC, not Marvel. But thanks.”

Silent, you add for nothing. While you love Wonder Woman and have, in fact, cosplayed her many times, men usually only request her for one reason and that’s the skimpy outfit. Whenever you cosplay as circa 2010 Wonder Woman in pants, they’re decidedly less interested. By now, you’ve learned only to pick your characters based on personal interest.

“Have you ever cosplayed?” you ask.

Unbidden, your gaze slides to the TV. Commercial break. Stifling your twinge of disappointment, you refocus on Mike.

“Nah.” His nose wrinkles, and your stomach sinks further. “I don’t do that stuff.”

“Stuff?”

Hearing your tone, his eyes widen. “I mean, it’s cool for you. I saw your TikToks and you look amazing. I’d just look dumb,” Mike says, attempting a laugh.

Sweetly, you smile. “I don’t know. My ex used to cosplay with me, and no one ever laughed at him.”

Admittedly, this is something of a low blow since your ex-boyfriend is Jimin Park, but either Namjoon didn’t tell him, or Mike doesn’t care. Which – if that’s so, maybe Mike deserves more credit than you gave him. 

“Ah.” He nods, taking a sip of his beer. “Have you ever thought about cosplaying as Wonder Woman, though?”

Your smile vanishes. Then again, maybe you’ve given him exactly the right amount of credit.

“I have,” you say. “But more recently, I’ve been cosplaying Dimension 20 characters. It’s kind of niche, but my last character was Sundry Sidney from A Starstruck Odyssey. You know – giant machine gun arm, roller skates and a mechanical eye. Oh, and a ‘fuck erotica ann’ button, of course.”

Mike’s smile freezes. “Why… would you dress like that?”

“Because it’s fun.” Finishing your glass of wine, you toss a few bills on the counter and stand. “Well, it’s been nice meeting you, Mike, but I think we’d be better off as friends. Don’t you agree?”

Even with the answer right there in the question, still he looks flummoxed.

“I…” 

“Or acquaintances,” you add, pulling on your pea coat. “Or nothing at all. Whatever you prefer.”

Slinging your purse on your shoulder, you wave at the bartender and start to leave. You only make it several steps before Mike mutters something beneath his breath – loud enough that you hear.

“Stupid,” he mutters. “This is why you don’t date women like her, Mike.”

You come to a stop. Really, you should keep going. Common sense – and Namjoon’s HOA – depend on you being the bigger person and walking out. But your therapist has said you need to work on communicating, even when the message is something the other person won’t like.

Turning around, you tap Mike on the shoulder.

He glances upward, surprised – and then reddens, realizing you heard.

“Yep, I heard,” you say shortly, retracting your hand. “Was your muttering supposed to be secret?”

Mike opens, then closes his mouth, like a fish.

“What did you mean, ‘women like me?’” you demand, folding your arms. “Ones with self-respect? Or hobbies? Women who know more about a subject than you do?”

Behind the counter, the bartender snort-laughs, rising in your esteem despite the whole TV channel thing. 

Mike stares at you, stunned. He seems to grow a pair in that moment though, straightening to face you on his stool. “Women with sticks up their asses,” he blurt.

Stifling an eye roll, you lean closer. “Listen, Mike,” you say, placing one hand on the counter. “If you think you can hurt my feelings – think again. Someone broke my heart three months ago, so nothing you say now will remotely compare. Do you really want to know why women like me won’t date you?”

The furrow between his brows deepens, and you take this as a sign to continue. Leaning even closer, you lower your voice.

“It’s because you’re insecure,” you say softly. “Giving someone a compliment and putting yourself down in the same sentence isn’t nice, it’s awkward. Not to mention, you’re sexist,” you add, watching him stiffen. “Telling me – a two-time Comic Con trivia champion – that I wouldn’t know Marvel is wild. Oh, and you’re a snob. Tabletop games are awesome, and cosplay is fun. Have a good night – I paid for your drink.”

With that, you turn around and march out the door to a smattering of applause from your new favorite bartender. 

[ TO BE CONTINUED ]

© kpopfanfictrash, 2023. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[totallytatum]

No one else

pairing; joel miller x reader rating; 18+ warnings; the tiniest bit of descriptive smut, kinda angst, basically fluff divider; cafekitsune summary; it was never meant to be complicated, no more than hooking up. word count; 990 note; I suck at proof reading and editing just in general, this was just a little short drabble, something to attempt to get the creative flow going. this had better potential tbh.

Joel is in pure bliss. Love. In love. He was never the man for domestication and settling down. It has always just been him and Sarah, never needing anything more. Until you showed up. Wrapped under his younger brother’s arm being dragged to him. Shades of pink flushed your cheeks as you two were introduced. That night you two hit it off good. So good you went home with him. 

That night turned into a bunch of nights spent together, but only nights. You two only confined in each other between his sheets and calloused fingers.The space between you two is only filled with the sounds of pleasure and begs. Please Joel. More. Please. Please. Please. That solitude only lasted 7 months. 

His breath was rugged, staggering into your ear. A soft moan escaped your lips as you dug your nails into his back, anything to pull him closer. Euphoria ripped through chest, his pace not slowing down. His fingertips danced your back and his lips kissed your jaw, “ you could be my entire world, “ he whispered into your ear before moving down to your collarbone and placing a kiss. You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t say anything. Your eyes squeezed shut and hissed in a breath. It was never supposed to be like this. It was never meant to get complicated, it was never meant to turn into anything. 

Joel’s pace became relenting, his hips snapped into yours, balls smacking against your ass. He became louder, his moans more erratic. His hand rode up the side of your rib to the swell over your breast. Taking your hard pebble between his lips, his thrusts became sloppy. “ Tell me. Tell me you’ll let me have you. “ 

You choked back tears. This couldn’t happen. This can’t happen. Not with Joel. This can’t get messy. “ J- Joel. “ You hand trailed up his back and onto the base of his neck. Anything to distract him Anything to make this encounter quicker so you can make your dash for the door and return his messages, leaving him to wonder where it went wrong. He must’ve taken his name call for more, bringing his lips back up to clash with yours. All teeth, spit mixed into each other's mouths. Joel was always your favorite taste at the end of the day. Always tasted like whiskey, but never overbearing. Maybe just a quick glass before you two get tangled between the sheets. 

He was close, pushing himself over the edge. Whatever he felt in this moment absolutely wrecked him, sent him to another planet. He groaned as he tensed up, painting your walls white with his spent. He placed a softer kiss against your lips as he tried to catch his breath, pushing sweat soaked hair out of your eyes. You met his gaze and the reality set in, you have to end this. You have to break his heart to protect your own. 

“ Joel. We can’t. “ 

His brows furrowed in confusion, “ can’t what. “ 

You pushed his shoulders slightly, pushing him off of you. Bringing the sheet up to your chest and sitting up, turning your head to look at him. “ This. We can’t do this anymore. We can’t do anything. You don’t want me. I’m no good. Used damage. “ Pushing the sheet over, you slid off the best, grabbing your old t-shirt off the floor before slipping it on. 

“ Now hold on a damn minute. Baby - “ 

“ Joel, please. Please don’t make this complicated. “ 

“ Have you ever thought about what I wanted? What I wanted in this? I want you, baby. All the time. All. The. Fucking. Time. I’m distracted. Always distracted. I’m shit at work. I fuck things up now and Tommy has to fix it. When I first met you, the very first time I saw you, saw you under Tommy’s arm. Well, well baby I wanted to run away. We clicked, something that night just did it for me. I wanted to run away because I knew if we started doing this, we would never stop. I’d never want to stop.That’s exactly how this is, that’s exactly how it has been. In no universe would I want to let you go, would I ever let you go without fighting for you. “ 

Your eyes started to become glossy, shaking your head, you hissed in a trembling breath. You were about to crack. About to become a sobbing mess if he didn’t knock this shit off. 

“ J-Joel. Please. I’m begging- don’t. “  

“ I want you. I want to be with you, on you, in you every second of the day. I dream of a life with you. A life that could happen. I could make it happen. I could make you happy. We could make each other happy. I want to marry you. I’d marry you tomorrow if it would seal the deal you were never leaving. I want to add you to my health insurance. I want to buy groceries on things you like. I want to have your trinkets littered around the house. I want the closest stuffed full of your clothes. You have nestled deep into my heart. I need you. I want to play it cool, tell you i’m not obsessed but I’m head over heels for you darlin’. “ 

You will never witness a love like this. Never again and never from a  man like Joel. Your heart swelled, you needed him, even if you left and never spoke to him. You’d mourn what was there, what could have been. He didn’t think of you as baggage, as used up damages. He thought of you as a flower, delicate and full of life. Filled with different emotions you tackled him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck, you let out a breathy laugh that was filled with tears. 

“ You, Joel Miller, are the most magnificent thing that has ever happened to me. Be gentle with me, Joel, that’s all I ask. “

[luna-rainbow]

Do you think Bucky ever got any sleep during all his years of Hydra captivity? Or was it just wipe/kill/back in the freezer? I don't think cryostasis would be anything like normal restorative REM sleep.

Hello nonnie!! I have finally had a light-bulb moment for this ask (I'm sorry it's taken me like 7 months)

I've been going about it the wrong way, trying to research on sleep, when in actuality what I should have been researching is the brain under hypothermia. This is an observational study conducted in the 1980s looking at children undergoing induced hypothermia (lowering of body temperature) during cardiopulmonary bypass (sometimes required during major surgery). In summary, by the time the body temperature cooled to 18 degrees, all brain activity ceased. Sleep - consisting of non-REM and particularly REM - are associated with far more active brain waves. So nonnie, you are very correct in saying that Bucky, even with his super soldier abilities, unlikely ever got any "sleep" during cryostasis. (I'm sorry to all the ficcers that wrote Bucky dreaming during cryo but I think most people are happy to ignore this piece of science)

In terms of whether Bucky ever got "sleep", I think that is hard to say. Even normal soldiers might drive themselves to go without sleep for 36+ hours if required for a mission (heck, even hospital shifts go for 36 hours in some places). As a super soldier, Bucky might tolerate sleep deprivation for longer. This means missions like taking out the Starks - travelling from Russian and back - he might achieve in one sitting without sleeping in between (although I guess no one can stop him from dozing off on the plane).

I think one implied part of your question is "is it likely that Bucky was allowed out of the freezer for long enough periods at a time to need (and get) sleep"? I feel like that is unlikely, judging from the "he's been out of cryo for too long" line from CATWS. The timeline goes: day 1 Bucky makes assassination attempts daytime + night time against Fury / day 2 Steve makes a run down to Jersey arriving there at night / day 3 Bucky attacks Steve on the causeway and then we get the nighttime vault scene where Bucky is "unstable". Even if we add a day or two prior to allow for prepping, that still means Bucky becomes "unstable" and questions his identity within a bare week of being out of cryo.

Credit @lost-shoe (this post)

Now onto the angst...we know anaesthetics is not like restful sleep, so theoretically neither is cryostasis. While the science of cryostasis doesn't exist at the moment, we know from artificial hypothermia in surgical situations that it puts incredible stress on the body and all its organs. Looking at the laboratory derangements during hypothermia it looks like it pushes the body over to anaerobic metabolism and causes lactate to go up. You know when you go for a run and your muscles cramp up because you haven't warmed up enough? That's because your muscles have produced too much lactate from anaerobic metabolism. So...no wonder Bucky can't stand when he comes out of the cryo chamber. It also increases one's bleeding risk and reduces one's healing speed, so take of that what you will for your Whumptober prompts 😂

I also wonder whether, because the brain is not receiving any REM sleep during cryo, it means Bucky has been in a constant state of sleep deprivation for the last 70 years. The theory of "prefrontal vulnerability" in sleep deprivation proposes that functions like language, executive functions, divergent thinking, and creativity are particularly affected, so that can contribute to Bucky's inability to process/produce complex language and his slowness when it comes to working through complex problems. It also has significant effect on memory and attention: it's interesting to note that during sleep deprivation of more than 35 hours, they found that while free recall was affected, recognition was not. (Disclaimer for science: small sample size, opposite result for subjects with sleep deprivation ~24 h).

So yeah, I think there are practical reasons why Hydra would not allow Bucky to have restorative sleep between missions. Consolidation of long term memory (i.e. transferring them from short term storage into long term storage) usually happens during sleep which means it is quite likely Bucky remembers only broken bits of his time (if at all) in the last 7 decades.

[likeadevils]

Reputation Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on Reputation in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also included a few other songs she worked on while writing rep and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process.

If you don't want to read all that, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

I’ve also added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date: 

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but all available evidence points to that date

Speculation: This date is based off pure vibes and guesswork and is highly likely to change.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices

February 13, 2015: Taylor's interview with Vogue is published (likely conducted on January 14/15).

"I don’t worry that I haven’t started the next record yet. I don’t worry that I don’t know what it’s going to be. I’m not worried that I have absolutely no timetable as to when it needs to be done. It could be two years from now; it could be three, it could be four. Or it could be one. You get these bursts of inspiration right at the moment you’re not expecting to. You just have to live your life, and hopefully you’ll take the right risks."

March 2, 2015: Taylor is photographed leaving a studio. (Note: I can not find a place that specifies if this is a recording studio, dance, photography, radio, or television studio).

May 20, 2015: Taylor's interview with Marie Claire is published (likely conducted two months beforehand).

Taylor is not even sure she'll have made another album by the time 2020 rolls around. "I'm not going to put out an album until I've made one that's better than this one and that's going to be really hard," she says. And how might her music evolve if she does find love? "If that does happen, I think I could find complexity in happiness," she says. "I don't think anything's ever simple. Just because you're happy in a relationship doesn't mean there aren't moments of confusion or frustration or loneliness or sadness. Hopefully, if I ever find some sort of meaningful relationship, I'll be able to still find inspiration, just through everyday ups and downs."

October 7, 2015: Taylor is photographed leaving a recording studio in New York.

November 13, 2015: Taylor's interview with Vogue Australia is published (likely conducted two months beforehand).

Every two years since 2006 she has released an album, followed by a tour, then moved onto the next one. But her latest album, 1989, might change plans a bit. “This album has produced more number ones than any album in the past, so we’re just going to go with it,” she says, going on to explain how the usual album cycle could be extended. “Then I’ll feel like I’ll need to give people a breather from me because at a certain point they’re going to get a little sick of hearing about me, so I’ll need to go away for a while then, depending on my gauge on how sick of me they are, I’ll decide when to put out the next album.” [...]  “I’ve been learning every single day what the right amount of sharing [of her personal life] is, and lately it’s been not natural because this album is such a snapshot of my life – it was so vivid, direct and honest.”

April 20, 2016: Taylor interview with Vogue is published (conducted in February).

So what the hell are you going to do with the rest of your life, Taylor Swift? “I have no idea,” she says, with a sigh that’s more blissful than anxious. “This is the first time in ten years that I haven’t known. I just decided that after the past year, with all of the unbelievable things that happened . . . I decided I was going to live my life a little bit without the pressure on myself to create something.” Do not freak: Swift is not abandoning making music. Those who know her know this is chemically impossible. (“Her not being creative is one of the last things I’d ever worry about,” the musician and producer Jack Antonoff tells me later.) “I’m always going to be writing songs,” Swift says. “The thing is, with me, I could very well come up with three things in the next two weeks and then jump back into the studio, and all of a sudden the next record is started. That’s an option, too.” But probably not for the moment.

August 29, 2016: Taylor writes in her diary "This summer is the apocalypse."

Gorgeous: Sep. 1-5, 16, 17, 19 (Confirmed)

In the Making of a Song video, Taylor is seen wearing this outfit in her Nashville apartment, which dates the song to September 17. From there, the rest of the dates are just math. 

King of My Heart: Sep. 6, 19, 20, 21 (Confirmed)

In the Making of a Song video, Taylor is seen wearing the same outfit in the Gorgeous video and the KOMH video. It's also the same outfit as a video she later posted to The Swift Life (RIP) where she talked about how excited she was to be working after a long break.

September 9, 2016: Gigi Hadid says "You know, [Taylor] is starting to go back to work in the studio again."

I Don't Wanna Live Forever: Early Oct. (Speculation)

In a teaser for the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen in an unfamiliar outfit (black mesh top) with bleached hair and a thin gold choker that she was fond of in October 2016. She is not wearing her silver J pendant, which she got as a 27th birthday present (Dec 13, 2016). IDWLF is the only song with no video footage that was written in 2016. I don't recognize the studio in the clip, but she recorded IDWLF with Jack Antonoff, who is based in New York. Taylor was on the east coast until October 22nd, and was seen in New York between October 11-13.

Delicate: Oct. 24-26 (Speculation)

Taylor is seen wearing the aforementioned thin gold choker,  with her post Sep. 24 haircut (straight across bangs instead of a side part). Since she normally goes into the studio with Max Martin and Shellback with a few ideas, and creates multiple songs during their sessions, I'm inclined to group this song with IDSB and place it in late October.

I Did Something Bad: Oct. 14, 27 (Confirmed)

In the Making of a Song video, at 4:18 you can spot a gold temporary tattoo on the inside of her wrist, similar to ones she was wore at Drake’s Birthday Party on October 23. Since she is seen working until sundown (She leaves LA on October 28) and had to be in Nashville 13 days priar (She was seen in New York City until the 13), October 14 and 27th are the only dates that make sense. 

January 3, 2017: Taylor writes in her diary "I get all scared about the future because so much has changed in the last year of my life. I mean this time last year I was living in LA, getting ready for Grammys and now, I’m essentially based in London, hiding out trying to protect us from the nasty world that just wants to ruin things. We have been together and no one has found out for 3 months now. I want it to stay that way because I don’t want anything about this to change or become too complicated or intruded upon. But it’s senseless to worry about someday not being happy when I am happy now. Ok. Breathe."

Don't Blame Me: Jan. 10, 11, 12 (Inferring)

Taylor is seen wearing a similar jacket as she was papped wearing on the 11th in the Making of a Song video. (This is pure speculation on my part, but the mood also seems to be a bit lower than on other days). We know she was in LA around this time “for work.”

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: Jan. 11 (Confirmed)

This post explains the situation pretty well. There are multiple accounts of what seems to be a similar story. January 11th one of two times she is seen leaving the gym after a long paparazzi dry spell, the other being in July. Seeing as the song is produced by Max Martin, who is located in LA, and the July pictures are in New York, I’m inclined to agree with the original source.

Dress: Late January/Early February 2017 (Speculation)

Jack Antonoff: “Dress is my second favorite [from Reputation]. It's the first one we made for it." Taylor was mostly based in London in early 2017, but there’s two times we know she was in the states. The first is in early January, when Taylor was in California working with Max Martin and Shellback. The second time is in late January/early February, when she was in Nashville preparing for Super Saturday Night. My guess is this was written in Late January, mostly because she was on the east coast, but theoretically she could've done it earlier in the month, or even later in the year.

Look What You Made Me Do: Late January/Early February 2017 (Speculation)

In promos for the Making of a Song Video, as well as in Miss Americana, Taylor is seen with straight hair and her J initial necklace (dating the song to post-Dec 13, 2016). Her hairstyle (the deep side part) is very Mid-2016. For most of 2017, she seems to favor the straight across braids with strands on the side. Long story short (ha), the hair makes me what to put this as early in the timeline as possible. We know Taylor was on the east coast (specifically Nashville) in early February, preparing for Super Saturday Night.

New Years Day: 2017 (Unknown)

There isn’t any footage of this, but Jack Antonoff has said that it came together fairly quickly and unexpectedly while they were hanging out at his house. 

...Ready For It?: May 2017 (Speculation)

In promos for the Making of a Song series, as well as Miss Americana, Taylor is seen with curly hair, her J necklace, and not her Sapphire Evil Eye Ring, which starts showing up on June 27th (We don’t know exactly when or why she got the sapphire ring). . Since the song partially focuses on whether or not her lover is ready for the media frenzy that surrounds dating her, I’m inclined to place this song in May, when her and Joe’s relationship leaked to the press. The song was recorded in Sweden, and we can assume she was in Europe between May 15 and June 1, 2017. (That being said, we can assume she is in Europe for most of the first half of 2017). 

Call It What You Want: June 2017 (Speculation)

In the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen with straight hair, her J necklace, and not her sapphire evil eye ring. Once again, I am tempted to put this after her relationship leaked to the press, probably in early June (She is in the states on the 1st and 3rd, and probably leaves sometime in mid-June).

End Game: Mid July (Confirmed)

Ed Sheeran has said that the song was written around July 14th, while he was playing in Connecticut and Taylor was in Rhode island. Ed: End Game was written - I was playing Mohegan Sun in Connecticut, and she has a place in Rhode Island, which isn't too far. So she hits me up like, 'I know you're in Connecticut, come around.' I go around, she plays me some of what turned out to be reputation, and plays me this End Game, and I was like 'Man, I really like this. Can I do a verse? Can I do a rap verse?' And she was like, 'Yeah, for sure!' So the next day, I remember, I was in bed, and woke up and got my laptop out, put the song, just looped it, wrote this verse, and I went in with Max Martin, who she did the song with, and recorded it. Then Future did a verse, and then Taylor wrote a verse and we did the video.

Getaway Car: July 2017 (Speculation)

In the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen with curly hair, her J necklace, and her sapphire evil eye ring, placing the song sometime shortly before/after June 27th. We know she was in the states for most of July, and in New York City on the 17th and 24th.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: July 2017 (Speculation)

In the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen with straight hair, her J necklace, and her sapphire evil eye ring. For all the same reasons as Getaway Car, this song was probably recorded in July. The exact order of Getaway Car and TIWWCHNT is probably impossible for anyone not involved in the making of the song to know. I could see arguments for either order, but Taylor has said that reputation is in fairly chronological order, I’m putting it in order of tracklist.

So It Goes: September 2017 (Inferring)

Oscar Görres, a cowritter on the song, said he got a call from Max Martin, Shellback, and Taylor asking to use his track after he’d just had a child. According to social media, he had a daughter in 2015 and a son in September of 2017. The interview is a bit confusing, timeline-wise. On one had, Görres says “I’d just become a father,” but then he implies that Max and Shellback had already completed most of the album. (For context, English isn’t his first language). Personally, I believe the believe the September 2017 date. Multiple sessioners have said Taylor said all songs on the album were about her relationship with Joe, and the tracklists in the reputation magazines are out of order, suggesting a late change. Taylor has has also been known to add a song to the album incredibly last minute— most notably Forever & Always on Fearless, but also with Death By A Thousand Cuts on Lover, which had to have been written post April 20, 2019 (but that's for another album).

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

[icyg4l]

PAC: Sister-to-Sister Messages

As promised, I said that I would post messages this weekend in regard to Women’s History Month based on the results of yesterday’s poll. This reading will be all about sister-to-sister dynamics. I am so thankful for the support that I have been receiving for these readings. It’s much appreciated! 🤌🤌 Anyway, today is the last day of the five dollar flash sale!! All readings will be $5 today! Come get it if you want it!!! Without further ado, choose your sister duo.

*** Disclaimer: These readings are meant to uplift, relate to, and/or inspire women!

Left-to-Right (1-3): Chloe and Halle, Beyoncé and Solange, Tia & Tamera.

Pile 1: If you resonate with the photo of Chloe and Halle, then this is your pile. First of all, your potential hasn’t even peaked yet, Pile One. Your sister wants you to know that you should continue to pursue your dreams. I feel like you have the tendency to start stuff but not finish it. What’s that about? She’s noticed this since yall were young but probably thought you would’ve grown out of it. But she still thinks that you will prosper. Those who resonate with this pile seem to be the baby in the family. You may feel like your sister acts too much like your mother, but she just wants what’s best for you. I feel like your sister is very successful/accomplished & you may feel that pressure to follow her footsteps. But in reality, she just wants you to be you. Be an individual, babe. And the last message that I got from this pile was kind of funny. Your sister feels like you work too hard. Where’s your boo thang? You need to let some stress off with a sexual partner chile, especially if someone’s been putting in effort to talk to you. Give them a chance! Maybe you can find a creative spark from messing around with them! In the end, your sister is supportive of your creative pursuits. She just wants you to put in more effort.

Cards Used: The Star: King of Wands, Four of Cups, Prince of Wands, Page of Discs (RX), 3 of Discs.

extras: “you’re being uptight.” “i’d put my life on the line for you.” spotlight. errands. ADD. chronic lip licker. “you stole my clothes.” new wardrobe. a kiss on the cheek. pillows. voluptuous. chanel. argan oil. tree climbing. golf. tennis. pierced earlobe. “i didn’t get you anything, sorry.”

Pile 2: If you resonate with the photo of Beyoncé and Solange, this is your pile. Damn Pile Two, you’re quite the looker aren’t you? Your sister sees the physical growth that you’ve made in the past two years and she is in awe of it! You’re absolutely flawless dear! But don’t forget to hold onto your vision. I feel like this pile is in high school? Maybe a freshman in college. But you have a lot of admirers. I feel like your sister is younger than you & they feel like you’re not paying attention to her as you as you used to. She feels like you mistreat her, not necessarily on purpose. It may be because you’re so busy. She wants you to not forget about them. Your sister is proud of your pursuit of higher learning (if you’re in college). She is going to follow in your footsteps because of this. But make sure you keep your promises, babe. Go to that yogurt shop with her. Go shopping with her at the mall. Go to the movies. Hell, go to the park with her. Paint with her. Spend quality time with your sister so she can stop feeling this way!

Cards Used: Nine of Cups, Ace of Discs, Four of Discs, Five of Swords, 7 of Cups (RX), Princess of Cups, 10 of Discs.

extras: strawberry & banana smoothie. teenage dirtbag. furry boots. sweet treats. calming down after nightmare. salad. elephant lover. french tips. sparkles. ribbons. bows. “speak up, honey”. abbott elementary. “i want more you.” “honesty is everything.” “keep my secret.” conceited by remy ma.

Pile 3: Last but not least, if you resonate with the photo of Tia and Tamera, then this your pile. Aw, Pile Three, your sister regrets the last conversation y’all had. I feel like this conversation could have been about how personal choices affect loved ones, i.e. bringing around terrible dating partners/friends, not paying off debts in time. It also could have been a conversation about codependency or feeling smothered. It feels like your sister understands why you left; you wanted to put yourself first. It took her some time to realize that y’all can be separate and still have love for you. Y’all need time apart to grow. Do you have a twin, Pile Three? Or were you extremely connected to your sister on a soul level at some point? There will be some time for y’all to reconnect but just not right now. There’s some stubborn energy between the both of you but y’all will reconnect once there is momentum in the both of you guys’ lives. She doesn’t hate you for being independent, but she does hate the way things ended, Pile Three.

Cards Used: Eight of Cups, The World, Five of Swords, Four of Discs, Two of Wands, Nine of Discs, Strength, 7 of Wands.

extras: “i have the balls, you don’t.” “it’s my prerogative.” oil and vinegar. liv and maddie. perfectionism. credit card debt. “drink up.” doodlebob. responsibilities. the old days. unplugged cords. cauliflower. fake vegan. bad eyesight. chloe bailey. drinking water. messy bedroom.

[noonaishere]

Thoughts and Thanks

Written 7/5/2023 as I finished the first drafts (I think, I’m not 100% where this was in the timeline, I started the first drafts sometime in very early 2022)

I apologize if the y/n side of the fic was a bit more coherent than the t/n side was; it wasn’t intentional. I wrote the bulk of the y/n side before my life devolved into breakneck levels of working and emotion-ignoring, ending in me quitting my job and having burnout so bad that it kind of left me unable to do much of anything for the first three months of 2023. When I tell you that all I did was lay around and watch movies and play Animal Crossing like someone experiencing deep depression for those three months… I tell you that because that was all I COULD do. Please remember to take breaks if you can (and maybe don’t work in academia? idk). 

Addition, 1/5/2025: I know there’s like one or two moments where a character who knows info in one of the fics then appears in the other one, not knowing that info, but I feel like; for all my poor brain went through, only having one or two moments like that is probably better than I should have been able to do, lol.

Written 11/10/2023: I’m sitting here right now - after three weeks of disruption in which I had hayfever, got double vaccinated, and got addicted to a matching game (fortunately it’s like a jailbroken app that’s on a website so I can’t actually make the Bad Decision and spend money on it-- but I keep spending my time on it) - thinking about what I want to do going forward. It feels a little silly to put these thoughts here, since no one’s going to see them until 2025 (😫), but I want to, just the same. 

I’ve had four jobs so far, all bad in their own way, with the last two being uniquely horrible and I’ve sort of discovered that I hate working in a setting where you’re a cog in a machine that doesn’t even get to see the fruits of their labor. I just hate not working on something and being able to be like “I made this” at the end of all the work (or even being able to be like “we made this”). I also deeply hate being locked into a situation where I have to work a job that grinds my will and my creativity down into a paste until neither are usable (what the fuck is life even FOR, then?). I know that that’s how the capitalist machine works, by breaking people so they mindlessly do whatever their superiors say, but I was unfortunately born with the condition *stick-it-to-the-man-neosis*, which means I either do those jobs and want to off myself… or find something to do that I enjoy (my mom had a hard time with my condition when I was a child because I would just up and leave school. Like we’d be doing our early morning, “everyone sit in the lunchroom before school starts,” and I would be like, “whelp, that’s enough of this,” and just get up and walk out of the building. I don’t really remember it, but apparently I did it a LOT). 

The thing is, I really love writing, to the point that even the hard parts don’t feel so hard (which is sort of weird, because other writers I know complain about the process because, you know, the process is hard, but I find myself still liking the process even though it’s hard? I’m sure some of my grade school teachers would be very confused). I really like inventing characters and then bringing them to life on the page, so here’s the next thing I had to say:

[I rewrote this part after reading it now, since so much of it had changed since I first wrote it]

Since this is done, I’m going to be working on original stuff. I have been recently (since I’ve mostly recovered from burnout, my brain has been able to handle doing more) and have… two drafts that are mostly done, one that needs editing, and one that needs a vigorous rewrite. Genres include but are not limited to: fantasy, supernatural, scifi, romance, and smut. I feel like my last three fics (these two and the Jaehyun one) have been very “real world slice of life” where my original fiction tends to be more fantasy based (even my novella that’s very like “young person worried about their town and it’s ecology” still has supernatural shit in it).

At first I was thinking maybe Patreon, and I could post the chapter of a story every week, but serialized fiction writing and book writing are a little different (serialized fiction tends to have a lot of cliff hangers to keep people turning up every week, and I just don’t like writing that way), so I’ve decided instead to self-publish them. Very soon, I need to start a Newsletter (would you all want the link?) so I can keep you up-to-date with releases or just silly thoughts or whatever.  

Finally, my thanks:

Written 10/24/2023: Thank you to @leagreenly for taking time out of her busy schedule to make me the yt thumbnnails for the “NEROmusic” update tweets (she made the thumbnails and I made a frame from a tweet). Thank you so much for being a kind friend who uses their procrastination to make things for someone on the other side of the planet (“I sent so much because I have to go to sleep now” lol). I presume my messages about their look were coherent, since I woke up to exactly what I was thinking of the next day, lol.

Thank you to @metalheadatiny for being my constant twitter liaison, at any random moment of the day when I’m like, “Can you find this for me?” because I don’t have twitter and can’t see tweets anymore-- I am never downloading that hell-app (I will only use THIS hell-app. I can only stomach one! How much hell can one person take? Let me tell you… it’s not a lot lol). Thank you for sending me screenshots of exactly what I need, like a personal Private Eye who shows up in my house like, “I found the girl” and then throws a bunch of black and white pictures onto my desk. And then I’m like “What girl?-- who the fuck is this? I needed pictures of a tweet so I know how to format it-- WHY ARE YOU LEAVING??”

Written 1/5/2015: To the people who have been reading as it updated: I hope you enjoyed this silly thing (or rather, two silly things). There were a lot of comments I saw as people read it that had me laughing (my fav where the few were we were all screaming at the characters together lol), and I’m glad you all liked it. Thank you for reading it, and maybe take a moment to check out some of my older fics if you liked these ones. I can at least tell you that, if you like chaotic y/n’s, the y/n in Work of Art is almost like a proto-Online/Offline y/n (I actually have an AU in my brain where that y/n and Jaehyun are older and they’re this Yeosang’s parents… idk why, I just feel like he would be their kid lol). The fics before that are mostly smut, so read at your own risk.

To all the people who liked the masterlist or a random chapter with the intention of reading it after: I hope you enjoyed, possibly as you mainlined it, lol. (I read all of JJK in two days, so I understand that mood lol.)

I was intending some more epilogue stuff and/or prequel stuff, but I was so busy working for the last four months I didn’t get to finish them like I wanted, so they’re going to take a bit. I’d say… remember me in your hearts, but don’t get your hopes up too high, since I can’t give the faintest idea of a posting date for any of them.

[Edit: I just realized I didn't put the taglist, so all you tagged people can be sure to see my thanks! @luvvvx @iamthehotdemon @hrts4hanniehae @rachs-words @stayatinykatsy @dinossaurz @conwunder @tinyelfperson @anythingrelatingtojinyoung @jaytheatiny @staytinyluv @nevermoreraven1 Thank you all for reading 😊]

*squeaky toy noise*

[ONLINE/OFFLINE MASTERLIST]

[MUSIC OF THE HEART MASTERLIST]

🧋 🎵

Also: if you really liked either of them, please reblog the masterlist! we don't have an algorithm after all, so, O-reader-kenobi! I need your help! (please imagine Hwa in a star wars outfit)

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 04/11/2024

You Are Sus

Season 5 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume D

Ripped by Retro Gaming

Requested by Corb! (Request Form)

I've written a fair amount already on here about my somewhat...muted feelings, regarding Season 5 of the SiIvaGunner channel. It was, retrospectively, a sort of transitional year for the team, as they had to officially move past the King for Another Day Tournament after over two years of fixating on it, not to mention how large parts of the team had left during those years due to creative and personal differences. It's a net good in the end that the channel team wound up finally being free of the edgy assholes that had festered since the dark days of 2016, yet this transition left 2021 in particular feeling a bit...lost, in terms of long-term goals for the channel. We were, of course, still getting stellar rips as always; be it the remaining old guard showing tremendous growth with rips like Hopes and Divinity+, or fresh faces like R.L.99 from Through the F-F-Fire and the F-F-Flame and Memmy from Welcome to 2021! They finally invented summers that hurt motherfuckers😂 only at sonicforces​.​com making immediately memorable first impressions to help pave the way for the future of the channel...yet taken on the whole, it can be hard for me to remember just what Season 5 of SiIvaGunner in particular was aiming to prove.

As fate would have it, however, a set of huge events in the online world wound up happening in the lead-up to 2021, the very year of this initial uncertainty for the channel. The channel was no stranger to responding to ongoing online trends – Plains of Des-passing-to was far from the only upload of its ilk – yet the events in question had such a magnitude to them, to where it was as if SiIvaGunner's responses to them wound up inadvertedly defining the entire year's Season, in part defining the channel's whole legacy. The most obvious example is in the year's April Fools event; The Disappearance of Super Mario, rather than playing with the expectation and goals of the SiIvaGunner channel itself the way that ...of 2023 did with Season 7, was instead entirely built on an existing online joke that had been bubbling in the gaming community for the course of multiple months, one I covered pretty succinctly back on Your Best Nightmario and Mario Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Princess.

The second of these events would be the initial release of Friday Night Funkin' and the immediate surge of popularity it came with; doubtlessly, the SiIvaGunner team's choice to provide matching visuals for every rip of the game as shown on Satinpanties Symphony and Satin PantE's wound up giving the channel tons of attention from new fans, and over three years later it feels as if the culture of SiIvaGunner is inextricably linked with the youthful punk spirit still keeping FNF alive. Yet most momentous of all, above the aforementioned two events, there was a third that would end up festering into 2021 of SiIvaGunner, not through thematic coherence or through the die-hard passion of any one ripper in particular, but through sheer force of overexposure and comedic value; 2021 was, indeed, the rise and inescapable plateau of all forms of imposters, crewmates, tasks and sussy bakas; At last, it is time to talk about AMONG US, and time to talk about You Are Sus.

I've had the request for this rip in particular stuck in my head for months on end, awaiting a proper time to cover it; I've scraped the very surface of Among Us' presence on SiIvaGunner on here beforehand through Among Drip Drop Galaxy, and it's been looming over this blog since near its very beginning all the way back on Big Sus Chocobo. Yet to try and comprehend all that Among Us is feels nigh impossible: more than a video game, more than a phenomena, Among Us took the entire shitposting world by inexplicable storm and mutated like a virus into what feels like several hundred different memes over the course of mere months. It was rapidly growing in absurdity and layers of irony, much the same as SiIvaGunner memes like Grand Dad did like I wrote about on Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), yet now done on a wholly mainstream level; no matter who you were, if you were frequent on the internet you were only a few posts away from seeing the Among Us Drip memes, from knowing someone who had permanently added "sussy" to their lexicon, from seeing the vague silhouette of a crewmate wherever your eye would wander. Among Us shitposting was omnipresent, and the worst part was; It was, through some bizarre construction of the collective human consciousness, pretty much ALWAYS funny. The SiIvaGunner team witnessed this meteoric rise in an entire new genre of shitposting, and it was as if it gave the channel a newfound passion; as if to say, "no matter where our vessel heading, we're gonna make the best damned Among Us shitposts possible for as long as its afloat.".

And so, the rips came in; Expensive Dispenser's Among Fresh Drip, a mixture of these latter two phenomena released near the very start of Season 5, may perhaps be worthy of coverage on here in its own right for just how foundational it is to the Season 5 SiIvaGunner experience as a whole. But the rips riffing on the game only continued to grow in number, and as the meme itself grew it had yet more sources to pull from; like Bottom G of Lagplane fame, Among Us' greatest strength as a meme was just how damn versatile it was, as there were a seemingly neverending amount of audiovisual cues that would immediately let the viewer make the connection to Among Us and the growing insanity of its derivative content. Now, imagine taking a distillation of that insanity, and mixing it with what may be one of the SiIvaGunner team's most insane rippers; Retro Gaming. Featured on here previously through Logan Paul's Shop, the guy is a ripper whose output I have been SORELY underestimating, someone who – as made evident in the aforementioned rip – has a sort of unhinged knack for adding onto his rips through additional sources and jokes that only barely feel cohesive with what the original concept for the rip was, like teetering on the brink of madness. With these two combined, you end up with a whole bunch of Among Us rips; and, indeed, with You Are Sus in particular.

It's remarkable to me that You Are Smart now has two clear all-time amazing rips under its belt for me with both You Are Sus and Season 7's You Are Book Smart, but it goes to show just how much inherent comedic value the song has. The off-kilter feel of Katamari Damacy as a whole, distilled into a weird beat, melody and voice samples, make it the perfect canvas for true lunacy to breed; and with You Are Sus, practically every part of the Among Us shitposting homunculus is leveraged to make something truly unbelievable. It's far from the only Among Us YTPMV on SiIvaGunner – I mentioned Big Sus Chocobo before – and yet it feels perhaps like the most cohesive rip of the game you could possibly make. All the hits are here; Arcade Craniacs-posting, Stop Posting About Among Us, Among Us In Real Life, A M O G U S, all woven together in such a chaotic, unpredictable way, like a barrage of Among Us noise more than aiming to be organic parts of the original You Are Smart. Yet they're paired with additions that ARE almost seamlessly integrated with You Are Smart, changing the titular chant into "You Are Sus", Among Us sound effects being added to the original song's beat to give it just that slight sussy texturing, even giving it a sort of "beat drop" around 0:40.

Retro Gaming doesn't get sidetracked off the original joke here the way you could argue (despite being to its benefit) Logan Paul's Shop did; EVERY joke present here, every layer of madness added is all to further You Are Sus's agenda. The usage of Arcade Craniacs clips in particular is immensely inspired; the channel was one of many content farms on YouTube that found increasingly absurd ways to play off of the Among Us branding to boost their own popularity, and through voice clips relating to said efforts are intersperced throughout You Are Sus, it all comes full circle at the two minute mark. "It literally says 'You Are Sus'", a clip rings out, thereby connecting the echoing edit of the You Are Smart voice heard throughout the rip to the title and concept of the rip as a whole, a madhouse of every possible angle of the word "sus" played all at once.

I can express as many gripes with the overall direction of SiIvaGunner's 5th Season as I wish, but none of that will take away from the sheer talent and quality found within its rips; and a rip like You Are Sus excels in ways only a Season 5 SiIvaGunner rip could. Channelling the peak of Among Us shitposting insanity through the veins of one of the SiIvaGunner team's most cracked-out rippers, executed with the detail and finesse on a level to where the Stop Posting About Among Us-guy's ramble is synced to the beat of the song used... it was bound to become an all-time fantastic rip, is what I'm saying. It was as if the loose direction the channel took during 2021 in particular gave the team free reign, a freedom to adapt all that the internet was yelling over throughout the year with a degree of effort it would otherwise direct to the channel's own internal ecosystem. If that effort was what gave us rips like You Are Sus, then I'm perfectly content in calling Season 5 of SiIvaGunner a truly successful experiment.

[lambhouse]

art block & burnout (and how i deal with it)

so i've been kind of Going Thru It lately, but then again who hasn't? life's kind of been an ongoing shitslide these past few years. and i can't say it's only now starting to catch up to me, because that would be a bald faced lie, but i think i've finally reached the point where i realize that for real, no cap, or whatever the kids say these days, change starts with me.

what does that mean, you ask? and what does it have to do with burnout and drawing?

well, i've been at my lowest for two years and counting now. i've had bouts of creativity and whole entire weeks of being productive and drawing like a machine and just generally being high on life, but those were just spikes of activity on an otherwise flat line. and i've been flatlining for months now. i know i'm due for a high at some point (it's how these things go), but this time i decided to get ahead of it and start building up some good habits so that when the next low hits, it won't be as hard.

this, at its core, isn't anything new or revolutionary and i can't say the tips/advice i have are universally applicable, but they will hopefully give you an idea of where to start, or at least give you a different perspective on how to go about applying any of the general art advice you see out there.

so without further ado, here is how i did this:

i started a new sketchbook last month. that, in and of itself, isn't a big deal; the big deal is that i kept up with it for a month straight. tomorrow is the actual 1-month anniversary (lol) of my daily drawing habit.

that's not particularly impressive either, not even for me. i've had periods where i drew regularly -- not 7 days a week regularly, but 3-4 days in a row every week and i kept that going for weeks. but i wasn't going through burnout at the time, and that's what makes this such an important milestone for me.

how i started:

it was rough, lol. looking back at this now i can see it's not a terrible first drawing but i remember how fucking stressed i was the entire time. my hands were shaking, i kept erasing and redrawing, i added color thinking it would make it look better, i even tried drawing from reference (the DRDs and the very faint flower in the corner) but i didn't have enough patience to really look at my references. overall it was a miserable experience.

but something good did come out of it, because i realized two things:

i was too mentally drained to draw from imagination, and

drawing in pencil hindered me more than it helped

now, drawing from imagination was what i always wanted to do and i could do it well enough and consistently enough when i was feeling good. but the whole reason i decided to build a habit like this was so i wouldn't have to depend on the whims of my brain chemistry anymore.

so drawing from reference it was. good thing i already had a pinterest board full of portrait references. i added about a hundred more to it that first night, just to have more variety, and that was enough to get me excited for the next drawing session.

now, the pencil thing. that's a bit tricky to explain and i can't promise it'll work for you as well as it did for me, but i think it's worth a shot.

the way it works for me is, the pencil is too easy a tool to use. even if you make a mistake, you've got an eraser and a million do-overs (or as many as your paper holds up to). so if i draw and erase and redraw the same line over and over again, at some point that starts to mean that there's something wrong with me, that i'm a shit artist, and what's the fucking point of doing it if i've basically got all the training wheels i need and i still can't draw this fucking eye right, or the mouth still looks weird, or the face is wonky. if the paper's good and the pencil lead is good quality and the eraser does its job well and still the drawing looks like shit, well, who's to blame for that? me.

i knew from the start that this was where i was headed if i decided to draw in pencil. even the very first sketches i did were in colored pencil, which is a step up in difficulty from regular graphite (they can be erased, but not completely). but obviously that didn't work as i had hoped, so more drastic measures were required.

so i decided to just rawdog it. i ditched the pencils entirely and took my tombow pens out of retirement. i only had five and two of them were different shades of pink, so not a lot of room to play with colors-as-values, but i made do. the three figures that look like they were drawn in pencil were actually drawn with the grey pen.

now this may seem counterintuitive. if erasing and redrawing stresses me out so much, how does drawing directly in pen make it better? isn't that just more stress?

yes and no, but mostly no. the way i rationalized it is, i can't make a perfect pen drawing even at my absolute best. there's just no way. but i can eventually arrive at a perfect pencil drawing, through a lot of trial and error and frustration, so why not take all of that out of the equation? frustration never helped me get better, it was just a creative sinkhole. so why not get rid of it? turn the possibility of failure into a certainty and work with or around that new certainty.

cut out the middleman, so to speak.

and it fucking worked.

-- for full disclosure, i've drawn in pen before. i started on a whim a few years ago and found it pretty liberating, so i kept doing it.

these are some of the first sketches i did in pen. they're pretty good, but as you can see from the date at the bottom, these were from before the Great Calamity of 2020 happened and everything went to shit. --

back to the thing.

so drawing in pen worked wonders to loosen me up and keep me going with the challenge -- or the building of a new habit. it certainly helped that i was also drawing portraits from reference and didn't have to think about poses, or features, or expressions -- they were all already there for me to draw.

not having to think about any of that also meant i had more energy to put into other things, like shading and coloring and how to simplify and stylize complex forms.

(i also got some poscas and four new watercolor makers. they weren't necessary for the process, but they were a nice treat.)

so i kept drawing. two days turned into three, into five, until i had a full week of daily drawings under my belt.

i hit a snag on day 8. (no pictures because (1) its fucking embarrassing, and (2) it's an oc design for a thing i'm still cooking and it's in the earliest of stages where the characters don't even have names.) i have a pretty good idea why day 8 was such a miss: i got overconfident. day 7 was a draw from your imagination day and it went well enough i thought i could do it again the next day. lol nope.

so i went back to my reference board for the next couple of days, but i had gotten a taste of true freedom (drawing from imagination -- and in pencil!) and i wasn't feeling the portraits anymore.

the next couple of days after that were rough (again -- no pictures bc uncooked oc's) but all the drawing from reference i did the week before had done me good. i had the willpower to keep going despite being unhappy with my drawings. they weren't bad drawings per se, but i was using my newly-found oc-drawing muscles and there were bound to be some growing pains. i was also drawing in pencil but by that point i had gotten used to making mistakes so i wasn't stressed about having to erase over and over.

(i don't think i actually erased all that much, tbh. i was instead using a blending stump to mask the wobbly lines.)

day 15. i didn't set out to draw one page a day but that's what ended up happening so i just went with it. i also only had an hour or two to draw and that's how much i was able to get done in that amount of time. slow and steady wins the race, i guess?

day 19 was i think the first time i drew in pen from imagination in a long time. i was also watching some vtuber drama nonsense on youtube and it got me thinking about making my own vtuber model. idek what a vtuber is or does but the process of making a model from scratch sounds interesting. (its also very time-consuming, i hear.)

anyway.

actual cooked oc's this time + a page of raziel drawn from memory to celebrate the news of the soul reaver prequel graphic novel that's in the making. (apparently dave rapoza is gonna do the cover art for it??)

and this is now turning into an art diary, but you get the gist. i kept going.

and going.

and going.

even when it wasn't fun. even when i didnt' feel like it. and maybe i havent built the habit all the way through yet, but the more i kept going the more i noticed how the "i don't feel like it" feeling became less and less intense.

it hasn't gone away completely. its 10pm now as i'm writing this and i know i have to open up my sketchbook and draw and tbh i don't really feel like it, but it's less that i'm drained and more like "but what if i fuck up a perfectly good page?"

and i know how to deal with that. i pick up a pen and fuck it up on purpose, and then i look at what i have and start problem-solving.

because that's what gets me through it.

not having a clear, concrete problem to tackle is what kept me stuck in limbo for so long, it's what's at the core of my burnout. you'd think creating more problems on purpose would make the burnout worse, but it got me out of the black hole of indecision and anxiety. because if it's something that i made, it's something i can unmake. it's something i can fix.

so i'm fucking fixing it, one step at a time.

[mjrtaurus]

I like to think Urpi’s always a really artistic, creative soul, but with nowhere to put all the energy cause there is just nooo way she’d do it when she was still up in Skypiea! Not when there is so much work to do, she wouldn’t let herself get distracted by some wayward desire to doodle!

(Still, when the nights were still and quiet she’d spent some of her precious few sleeping hours doing that same exact thing. She had no real answer as to why, the weight of everything just felt a little lighter when she did. She’s never share this with anyone naturally and would deny it to her last breath if/when Nina caught her.)

When she found herself at the mercy of those horrible pirates so many thoughts consumed her, all raging in her head like a swarm of locusts but strangely drawing still came back to her mind. She wished she hadn’t been so cowardly about something she liked, she wished she would have done it more. Maybe her people would more to remember by than just sure to fade memories.

A couple of months after her rescue she ended making a single request to the ever accommodating Vice Admiral: a pencil and some paper. She’d lock herself in her room and draw the curtains tight before delving into that notepad. She drew everything about home, every person she knew, every familiar curve of cloud she could recall. She refused to forget, she’d draw until the pencil snapped again and again. There was no point in drawing anything else anyway.

Until, she began noticing. And once she started she couldn’t stop. The Blue Sea, the islands that inhabit it…they were all quite beautiful.

So she slowly began to draw those too. Just a little at first, a nondescript piece of ocean, the sandy duned deserts of Alabasta, the glorious architecture of Water 7, had this world always been this way? How had she never truly seen it before?

The more she bonded with the crew of that Marine ship the more she began to draw them too. She usually (carefully) ripped them out and handed it over to whoever her muse was and my how they would fawn over their drawn selves, she always thought they were being a little exaggerative but the praise and encouragement was…nice. The Vice Admiral had even gifted a couple sketchbooks and some charcoals which even she had to admit was pretty sweet of him to do.

One of those sketchbooks and most of that charcoal get used for..something, she never clarifies it to anyone.

(It’s drawings of Garp. The crush, her very first one mind you, hit her ass hard and she needed an outlet. What are the contents of those sketches you ask? Well that’s between her, Nika and the lighter she definitely didn’t steal.)

Those… questionable drawings are somewhere locked up tighter than the gates of Mary Geoise. Possibly under a loose floorboard, or a false backing in a bookshelf. Garp accidentally happened upon them once and didn’t say anything about it. He was tickled pink for days on end, but he didn’t say anything about it.

Urpi knew.

There is a sketch right in the middle of one of her earlier sketchbooks that is unfinished. Elbaf, as seen from the deck of an approaching ship. It was some of her finest work, and yet… it felt like it should remain unfinished.

Later that day, Garp proposed to her.

Over the years they were together, she filled many other sketchbooks. Drawings of the inside of their home, the streets of Goa and the high walls, the uncomfortable magnetism of Gray Terminal, the cozy cottage they eventually moved to after Dragon was born (the boy needed room to grow, she and Garp had readily agreed), the garden outside, the jungles of Dawn and the distant peak of My. Colubo…

And Dragon. Dragon, Dragon, Dragon. Her darling boy. His little wings that both made her so proud and so worried. And then Dadan. And then Kuzan. And then all three together. Garp and the kids. Self portraits with the help of a looking glass. The snails Dragon would bring home to show everyone. The penguin that just appeared out of nowhere and had been with Kuzan ever since. The ragtag group of boys that Dadan bossed around. The kids throughout their lives. Dragon- newly appointed Admiral at the time- in his dress uniform, looking adorably uncomfortable, Kuzan snoozing during an award ceremony, Dadan sitting front and center with Garp before the newly built hideout…

And then she had to run.

None of her sketchbooks came with her.

The cottage had been ransacked.

She never had the heart to draw again.

Not until she saw a face she hadn’t seen in a good thirty years. Same nose, same eyes, same mouth as her own, but his shaggy hair and the sharp cut of his jaw were all his father’s. And that tattoo. The same patterning she always knitted into the scarves she used to wrap around his neck when he was just a boy ready to go out and play in the snow.

[whirlpool-blogs]

USA Hockey's Jack Hughes viewed as future NHL superstar

Published: Oct 2, 2018

It’s not hard spotting Jack Hughes on the ice for USA Hockey’s National Team Development Program.

Just watch the puck. Chances are pretty good 17-year-old Hughes is there, too.

Mesmerizing, quick, nimble and creative are just some of the words that aptly describe Hughes. Scoring machine, workout freak and almost certain top pick in the 2019 National Hockey League Entry Draft are other spot-on characterizations.

“The draft is 10 months away,” said Hughes, a 5-10, 168-pound forward, who opened the 2018-19 season along with his NTDP U-18 teammates with road games Sept. 29-30 in Cranberry, Pa. “All those websites can come out or people can come out with the rankings, but really, none of it really matters until the teams' rankings come out at the draft.

“I’m not too worried about it, I’m just worried about my game and focusing on that. I’m not the only guy on the team with high expectations. I could go pretty high. We got a really good team with a lot of really good players. There’s a lot of good stuff looming with our team.”

Hughes already is displaying traits both on and off the ice that give a strong indication that he’ll be ready whenever he gets the NHL call.

“I haven’t been around anything like this,” NTDP U-18 head coach John Wroblewski said. “Where there’s been pressure for almost a year and a half for him to be the No. 1 overall pick in the upcoming (NHL) draft, I’ve never seen anything like it.

“I know the kid hasn’t changed much. He’s still the player and the young man who comes to work. He’s got teenaged tendencies, but he’s also a very impressive young man. If you tell him something, his uptake is so quick and he’ll put it to work. And it’s the same kid that always comes to the NTDP every day.”

And who knows, if the Detroit Red Wings miss the playoffs (as is widely expected), the younger brother of University of Michigan defenseman Quinn Hughes (this summer’s No. 7 pick by Vancouver) could wind up as Detroit’s next cornerstone teenage player — just like then-18-year-old Steve Yzerman was in 1983.

“It’d be cool, of course. Detroit’s a great place to play,” said Hughes, who attends classes at Plymouth-Canton Educational Park. “But it’s the NHL. All 31 teams are unbelievable and, if you got the chance to play for any team, it would be just so special.“

Work comes first

Hughes isn’t getting too far ahead of himself. He knows he has a lot of work to do for the NTDP, including international medals to go after next April in Sweden, when the IIHF U-18 Men’s World Championship takes place. USA Hockey Arena fans will get their first chance to watch him play at 2 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 13, against the University of Minnesota.

“It’s a big year, of course. It’s fun,” said Hughes, whose parents are Ellen and Jim Hughes of Plymouth. “First of all, it’s our last time playing together with our team. None of us will play together again after this year, so it will be really fun. We’ll make the most of it, for sure.

“With the NHL draft, most of the (U-18) guys are draft-eligible, so it’s a really important year and we’re all really excited about it.”

Hughes isn’t the only budding NHL prospect with the team. He and 17 other NTDP players took part in the recent All-American Prospects Game in St. Paul, Minn. — six of whom are projected top 20 picks in the 2019 NHL draft.

The other top NTDP players include center Alex Turcotte, left wing Cole Caufield (54 goals in 2017-18), defenseman Cam York, left wing Matt Boldy, center Trevor Zegras and defenseman Alex Vlasic.

“Cole’s a special talent, of course,” Hughes said. “Not many guys can come to the program and be able to score goals as well as he can. He’s obviously an unbelievable player and an unbelievable scorer. He’s such a good kid off the ice, too.

“Not only do we click on the ice, but off the ice we’re really good friends, too. I think that helps, for sure.”

Puck finds him

Wroblewski raved about Hughes’ uncanny ability to find open ice and either go top shelf or thread perfect feeds to linemates such as Caufield.

But the coach sees all the intangibles that add up to a future NHL superstar.

“(College and pro scouts) see the guy that flies around the ice. But in games, sometimes the puck is attached to him,” Wroblewski said. “I don’t think that they see how hard he works in a game. The reason the game sometimes looks easy for this guy is he works so hard in practice. He’s got such an unbelievable VO2 (oxygen rate during exercise) and ability to create at the end of shifts, because of what he does in practices.”

Yeah, skating fast is one thing. Of course, Hughes is like any hockey player in that he loves to score goals.

Last year, playing for both the NTDP U-17 and U-18 teams, he tallied 40 goals and a program-record 76 assists in 60 games.

“I’d definitely say scoring a goal,” Hughes said, when asked about which part of the game he gets the most buzz out of excelling at. “If you don’t say scoring a goal, I think you might have a problem, because that’s the name of the game. Score goals.

“Anytime you get to score a goal, it’s definitely something you don’t forget about. You get really excited for it, just like it’s your first goal.”

Just relentless

Yet he is the guy who doesn’t stop in practice drills.

“He loves the drills that involve up and down the sheet that exhaust you to the point of being keeled over,” Wroblewski said. “But he’s always going to jump in line for the next rep. Some guys, not necessarily on this team, who are lesser players, might try to find the line where they can rest in — or go to a line that has a few more guys in it.

“He’ll go right back up in our hardest drills if that line is vacant. He’s a relentless worker.”

The coach was asked whether or not Hughes could be a Wayne Gretzky-like player in the NHL and he smiled. He quickly pointed out how much the league has changed since The Great One hung up his skates in 1999.

“It’s just such a different era,” Wroblewski said. “What I’ll say is, I’ll compare (Hughes) to Gretzky in that he’s got that class. You read the stories about Wayne, how he used to take on all the media requests and handle them with dignity and be able to still perform at a high level ... carry himself as a gentleman and ambassador of the game. I see Jack as the type of kid who can carry on that type of legacy. Respect, charismatic and still humble.

“It’s a different superstar compared to what it was back then. Gretzky was playing a different game than everybody else that was out there. There’s a lot of players who play like Jack. There’s not a lot of players who play exactly like Jack — it’s speed, skill. There’s a lot of people out there that have it, (but) it’s his determination and desire to be the best that separates him from a lot of other guys.”

Family plan

Another plus for Hughes was growing up in a hockey hothouse. It didn’t matter whether they were in Florida, Boston, New Hampshire or Toronto.

“It was unreal,” Hughes said. “With three of us in the house, it was crazy and hectic for my mom, of course. We’d always have friends at the house, (playing) mini sticks, watching hockey, going to the outdoor rink.

“It was always hockey, hockey, hockey for us. It was a really good childhood growing up. The house was really competitive whatever it was, whether it was ping pong or whatever.”

Wroblewski also credited the Hughes family for instilling the winning traits that all three of their sons (next up is 15-year-old bantam phenom Luke) possess in droves. Luke Hughes played last season with the Little Caesars Bantam Major AAA team.

Yet in the case of Quinn and Jack Hughes, they have had to step up to expectations seemingly every step along the way from childhood. They’ve aced every test coming their way. By the time 2019-20 rolls around, both could be playing in the NHL.

“They’re different kids,” Wroblewski said. “I’m sure that (family) support system helps, but they’re very unique. There’s sometimes where you’ll see them in an interview and they appear similar, but they’ve got some dimensions that are different.

“It has a lot to do with how they play on the ice. Jack, his motor is relentless. And Quinn is much more deliberate and he’s able to kind of make people, he baits people in. Where Jack is always going, he’s at high speed a lot during a game.

“It’s a different position (each plays). They just have a different mentality, a different mindset. It shows in their personalities, too. Jack goes and that’s him. Quinn is a lot more calculated and deliberate. They’re both unbelievable kids, teammates and competitors.”

This season, in what might be his final season in Ann Arbor, the older Hughes will try to pick up where he left off last year with the Wolverines.

Stiffer challenge

As far as Jack Hughes is concerned, however, Wroblewski expects opponents in college, international and United States Hockey League play to ratchet it up and really see what the uber-talented prospect is made of.

“It was one thing when he wasn’t under the radar, because of how good he was,” Wroblewski said. “But it wasn’t his draft year. He wasn’t constantly being keyed on. Moving from U-17s to U-18s, there was some differentiation there. But this season, it’s going to be every night, he’s going to have that bull's-eye on his back.

“This is gearing him up for what he wants, to play in the NHL as the No. 1 pick and go on to a lengthy career as a franchise-type player. This is all a learning experience for him.”

It undoubtedly will be a blast, too.

“Just fun, everything’s going on,” Hughes said with a small smile. “It’s what you dream of — having a good game, where everything is just easy and so fluid. You’re kind of just in a zone and locked in on everything else going on around you. You’re kind of in your own bubble.”

From all accounts, the Jack Hughes bubble isn’t about to burst for a long time to come.