#the hcu

[theladyofshalott1989]

"Girls' Night Out" (An HCU One-Shot)

Summary: Matty has organized a Girls' Night Out, and, as an honorary "girlie," Damien, of course, received an invitation. When Sebastian finds out he's been left off the guest list ("NO SEBASTIANS ALLOWED!"), Damien and Sebastian devise a clever plan to sneak him in. Because, well, that's just what they do.

Word Count: 1,521

Matty had invited all the seventh-year girls to what she called a "Girls’ Night Out," scheduled for a month and a few days from now. With everyone deep in their studies for their impending NEWTs, Damien figured Matty thought it would be the perfect way to offer them a much-needed break. Matty was usually right. Damien was included in the invite, of course, because he was an honorary “girlie,” at least according to Matty’s invitation, which was immaculate and beautifully designed—typical of her, really. Damien had always considered Matty practically perfect in every way. Alvin must have thought so too—or at least Damien hoped—considering the two had been inseparable for the past few months. He made a mental note to check in with Alvin, maybe even nudge him to do something romantic for her every now and then, just to be sure. Damien always looked out for his girl friends. 

“What’s this?” Sebastian plucked the invitation from Damien’s outstretched hand. 

“That’s mine!” Damien lunged forward to grab the parchment back but Sebastian darted to the side, laughing. He sprinted to the far end of the Undercroft, Damien on his tail, holding the paper out of reach as his eyes quickly scanned its contents.

“No Sebastians allowed,” he muttered under his breath. “No Sebastians allowed?” The second time was much louder. Damien even had to clap his hands over his ears.

“What did you expect, Bash? You’re not a girl!”

“Neither are you, unless you’ve somehow managed to hide that from me for the past two years.” He raised an unruly eyebrow. “Not that I would mind…” he added, trailing off, likely lost in thought, imagining just what that might entail. 

Damien, who had stomped back to Sebastian’s side, snatched the parchment from Sebastian’s hands with a flourish. He huffed prettily, batting his eyelashes. “You wish.”

Sebastian blinked, visibly thrown, and swallowed like he was trying to regain his composure. 

A triumphant chuckle slipped from Damien’s lips. He loved these moments—when he could rattle Sebastian just enough to steal an unguarded reaction.

Sebastian cleared his throat. “So, how are you going to disguise me so I can join in on the festivities?” How, indeed. 

“Is anyone hungry?” Tori asked, pulling an entire pastry out of her robe pocket. 

"Always!" Damien said. He swiped the offered pastry from her hand and promptly stuffed the entire thing in his mouth. "Thanks, Tori," he mumbled through a mouthful, grinning cheekily as he chewed.

Natty, standing beside him, didn’t seem the least bit fazed by his lack of manners. Damien gave Natty a side-long glance, narrowing his eyes. 

She quickly corrected herself. “Damien! Manners!” Hopefully her delayed reaction wasn’t too suspicious. 

Because Natty, obviously, wasn’t herself. Because Natty was Sebastian. 

Luckily, Sebastian and Damien had just enough time to brew a Polyjuice Potion before the big event. Getting a hair from Natty had been easy enough, since Damien shared half his classes with her, and—naturally—Damien and Natty were best friends. Unfortunately, Damien wasn’t the sneakiest of lads, and she’d caught on to his plan almost immediately. After a hurried explanation and a bit of his trademark persuasion, Natty gave him permission since she couldn’t attend Girls' Night Out herself. Provided, of course, that Damien promised to fill her in on every detail later. He readily agreed.

“I miss Alvin,” Matty said next, startling Damien out of his rumination. 

“You literally just said goodbye to him,” Cassie said, scowling. “Anyway, you were the one that made this a girls-only event.” 

Matty sighed. “I know, I know. Don’t you miss Alex?” Cassie shrugged. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Right, Damien?” She winked.

“Right,” Damien agreed, not looking her in the eye. Natty-Sebastian clapped a hand to her mouth, failing to stifle a laugh.

Cassie, thankfully, didn’t pay Natty’s slip up any mind. “Anyway,” she continued, “Alex and I had an argument this morning and I needed a break from him.” "Oh no, Cassie!" Jo chimed in, grabbing Cassie’s arm and linking it with her own. "I’m sure everything will be fine. What did you argue about?"

Cassie rolled her eyes. "He won’t stop haggling when we shop together. He insists on trying to negotiate everything!"

Jo snorted. 

“How industrious of him,” Natty-Sebastian piped in from beside Damien. “I’d consider that a good thing, wouldn’t you, Damien?” 

Damien mumbled something non-committal, trying to steer Sebastian away from drawing attention to himself, then quickly changed the subject. "So! Val!” He clapped his hands together. “How are you and Cal doing? Still completely head over heels for each other?"

Val, leading the pack, her round glasses catching the soft glow of the purple-pink sunset ahead, swiveled around. “Yes, of course!” she squeaked. 

Well, that was certainly suspicious. Damien sighed. “Is everyone fighting with their significant other?” 

“Not me!” Matty said from behind him. Damien should have amended his question. Matty and Alvin never argued. 

“And you’re not fighting with Sebastian,” Natty-Sebastian said. “At least not that I’m aware of,” she added, smirking. Natty never smirked. Everyone stopped walking to stare. Tori’s jaw dropped. 

“Natty,” Ellie and Alyn said in unison, “Are you alright?” They didn’t wait for her to respond, exchanging a surprised glance when they realized they’d asked the same question at the exact same moment.

Natty-Sebastian schooled her expression. “Oh, erm, yes. I’m just excited to be here with you all. It’s usually just me and Damien. Or, erm, me, off on my own exploring.”

“We’re so happy to have you here!” Jo exclaimed, an exuberant smile gracing her beautiful face. She released her arm from Cassie, and embraced Natty-Sebastian. Natty-Sebastian tensed. Ellie, ever observant, noticed. “Why so tense, Natty?” she asked, raising a perfectly contoured eyebrow.

“Erm, uh,” Natty-Sebastian glanced at Damien, floundering, “no reason?”

Damien brought a hand to his forehead. “That’s on me, everyone,” he said, scrambling to come up with an excuse. “Natty and I were playing Summoner’s Court all day because Professor Ronen challenged me to a match next week. I needed practice. She’s just sore. That’s all.”

All the girls nodded.

“How kind of you, Natty,” Alyn said, patting Natty-Sebastian on the shoulder gently. 

Everyone resumed walking and broke back out into scattered conversation. 

Phew, that was a close call. Damien was grateful he could see the Three Broomsticks slightly ahead. Once they all had some Butterbeer in them, he hoped that it would be easier to keep Sebastian’s presence under wraps. 

Boy, oh boy, was Damien mistaken. 

It turned out the boys had decided to drown their uninvited woes at Sirona’s fine establishment. So, what Matty had originally intended to be a girls-only night quickly turned into a gathering for everyone after all.

“Another!” Jaimsen shouted, slamming his empty glass on the counter.

“Another!” Natty-Sebastian echoed, mimicking his motion—but more clumsily. In her enthusiasm, Natty-Sebastian sent her glass tumbling to the floor. A loud crash followed. 

Sirona shouted, “Watch it!” from across the counter as she served another customer. Natty-Sebastian dropped down, picking her glass back up with a sheepish look on her face. She was very obviously drunk. 

Damien groaned and dropped his head into his hands. 

Alyn, who was sitting to his left, laughed. “Are you sure Natty’s alright?”

Ellie tugged at a stray strand of hair as she nodded. “She’s sure acting more…uninhibited than usual.”

“Perhaps she’s been working herself too hard,” Damien tried. “We’re all studying tirelessly, after all.”

“Not me!” Cal interrupted, raking a hand through his hair with his usual cavalier charm, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Not you,” Ale agreed from further down the counter. “Obviously not you,” he spat out, then took another chug of Butterbeer. 

“Whoa, what’s with the attitude?” Natty-Sebastian said, alighting at Damien’s side, holding yet another full glass of Butterbeer. “How many have you had?” Damien said, holding back a long-suffering sigh.

“That’s for me to know and you to…uh…not know,” Natty-Sebastian replied. 

The group had gone totally silent. You could hear a pin drop.

“Something’s not right,” Theo said from beside Tori. Tori abruptly stopped sorting a pile of sweets she had on the counter in front of her. 

“I agree,” she added. “Natty, were you experimenting with any new potions today? One time Poppy accidentally inhaled a drop of Amortentia in class and acted besotted with me all day.”

Florence, who had kept to himself most of the night thus far, laughed. “Poppy’s always besotted with you, Tori. What’s new?” 

Jaimsen gave Florence a high-five, then pecked him—rather adorably—on the cheek. “Oh, are we kissing now?” Natty-Sebastian suddenly said. Then, before Damien could get a word in edgewise, launched herself forward and planted a big, wet kiss on Damien’s lips. 

Damien recoiled, shouting out and tumbling backward off of his stool.

The entire group erupted in shouts of shock and disbelief. Jo, wide-eyed, even yelled, “Merlin’s arse!” which was extremely uncharacteristic of her.

“Oops,” Natty-Sebastian muttered under her breath, rubbing the back of her neck nervously. Damien glared up at her from the floor.

“Sebastian Sallow!” Damien growled, giving up the act entirely.

“I knew it!” Matty exclaimed, her grin wide and knowing.

Of course she did.

MCs Mentioned:

Damien (and his Sebastian, aka "Bash") are mine 🤭 

Matty, Theo, and Cal @girl-named-matty

Tori @espressoristretto-patronum

Cassie, Alvin and Alex @acslytherpuff

Jo @ravenwind-75

Val and Ale @savingsallow

Ellie @accio-bagel

Alyn @ps-cactus

Jaimsen and Florence @leaping-toadstool-caps

Thank you to everyone for allowing me to borrow their MCs. This was a blast to write! :)

[leaping-toadstool-caps]

𝚂𝚙𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎- 𝙷𝙲𝚄 𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝

Taglist; @accio-bagel @theladyofshalott1989 @espressoristretto-patronum @acslytherpuff @ps-cactus @sallowstallgirl @girl-named-matty @savingsallow @ravenwind-75

“Who’s idea was this?” Sebastian scowled at the bottle, looking as if he was about to burn through it with his eyes. He looked up at Damien, who was sitting uncharacteristically quietly, his face tinted a pretty pink as he waved at Sebastian, who groaned dramatically, unamused. Even the boy’s blush was cute.

“Go for it, Seb!” Tori cheered, taking a swig of her bottle. She wasn’t quite drunk yet, though she was leaning on Poppy’s shoulder for support.

“Yeah!” Val joined in, closing her bottle of black nail polish, “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!”

The rest of the group slowly joined in her little mantra, watching Sebastian flush.

“Fine!” He exclaimed, grabbing Damien by the front of his shirt and kissing him. Ellie let out a sharp wolf whistle, and the group cheered. Sebastian pulled back, looking very flushed and not at all as confident as he usually was. He shrugged, pretending like it was no big deal. Damien sat awfully still, gaping slightly, before shakily saying, “he’s not a bad kisser”, to which everyone laughed.

“My turn!” James declared with a grin.

“I don't think he should be here, he’s already snogged everyone in this circle.” Cal snorted.

“It's not like you can cheat in this game,” Matty said very matter-of-factly.

“Get on with it, James,” Ale rolled his eyes, and James stuck his tongue out at him. And so the game went on. By one in the morning, everyone had probably kissed at least three people in the circle, if not more, and everyone was starting to get bored. Florence had refused to participate,despite James calling him a spoil-sport, and so he was keeping score of who kissed whom. So far, Tori was ‘winning’, as she claimed, despite James’ furious protests that there was no winner, and if there was, it'd be him. Tori had kissed Jo, Ale and Damien already.

“I’ll admit it,” She exclaimed with a burp as the game was coming to an end, clearly drunk, “I was disappointed that I didn't get to kiss Poppy.”

Poppy, who had gone a bright shade of red, reached out to place a hand on Tori’s cheek.

“You should just kiss me anyway,” she said bashfully, blushing as someone let out a wolf whistle.

“I sense love in the air,” Alex said with a dreamy grin, glazing at Cassie, “if only it were for me.”

Alvin elbowed him.

“Love is for the foolish,” Florence, who’d barely said a word the whole time, snorted as Tori finally gave in and kissed Poppy.

“Oh, you won't be saying that when someone sweeps you off your feet.” Matty shrugged, “I think it’s rather sweet.”

“I think you’re rather sweet,” Alvin said with a wink. Matty blushed, dropping her chocolate.

“Great, here we go again, is tonight ‘world get laid’ night? Why didn’t I get the memo?” Ale rolled his eyes with a mock pout.

“Be patient, Ale, your time will come.” Cal grinned.

“You sound like you’re announcing his death,” James grinned as that prompted an almost silent giggle out of Florence. James then turned and began braiding sections of Cassie’s hair, oblivious to the death glares Alex was shooting at him.

“Do you reckon I can fit twenty marshmallows in my mouth?” Tori grinned, holding up a bag of marshmallows.

“You're a hazard to society” Ominis scowled.

“And a coward. Do thirty” James grinned.

“Woah, Jamie, who taught you to braid?” Cassie said with wide eyes, holding a mirror up to admire her new hairstyle.

“Mum used to call it a necessary gentleman skill” James grinned.

“I’ll say!” Jo gushed, sitting down next to James, “Do mine next!”

“Alright, alright, ladies, get in line” James grins, “Lads? Watch and learn, you take a tripled segment of hair-”

“You’re making crap up now” Cassie spluttered, hiding her mouth behind her hand as she laughed, “don’t act like you're using fancy terminology to show off.”

Once Jo, Cassie, Matty, Tori and even Damien all had matching hairstyles (Tori's was a bit wonky because she kept giggling) and everyone had calmed down a little, they decided to start thinking about going to bed. Alvin, ever the sensible one, went about fluffing pillows and setting out mattresses that the Room of Requirement had provided. The calmness kept up for a record of a whole fifteen minutes before Tori made a fake farting sound, causing the whole room to erupt in giggles again.

“Infants, the lot of you” Ominis scoffed, looking to Florence. The two usually agreed on everything, but this time, Florence was hiding a smile.

“Absolutely,” he agreed, and Ominis was oblivious to his obvious hypocrisy.

“This is going to be a long night” Ominis sighed.

[acslytherpuff]

me cause i found amazing people and we‘re brewing the BIGGEST and COOLEST thing (that will never end) EVER !! (Ily guys <3)

Get ready for the HCU 👀🫵🏻

[girl-named-matty]

Matty be like:

Photos and mc courtesy of @acslytherpuff ❤️❤️

[sillylotrpolls]

For those not familiar, a complete list of the definitely real and not just made up for a joke TCU films can be found here.

Since I obviously couldn't fit all 24 movies into the poll, I've left off any title with a Rotten Tomatoes score over 85% (The Grey Wizard, Shadow of War, etc), and of course the two movies that got Oscar noms (Aragorn, Shadow of Mordor).

Previous poll for TV series here.

[savingsallow]

— just lovers dancing in the night 🌙

callan belongs to this lovely bb: @girl-named-matty ❤️‍🔥

[monhiio]

A compilation of some of my favorite tags ive gotten on my art >:D!!!!

[majorbaby]

i am a gay BJ truther but if straight, married BJ walked in on hawkeye sucking some guy's dick in supply he would still huff and say "and you didn't ask me if *I* would like my dick sucked??? your best friend???" and a similar accusation @peg were he to get home and find her eating out her gf in their marital bed. he would invent a pussy of his own just to claim it's being neglected.

[aestheticsyoutubers]

calvin, calvin9000 ↳ trust NOTHING.. minecraft: from the fog s2: e16

[captainkaltar]

Thinking about Her (the olive-wood bed)

[hoohoobeanie]

good morning spommy nation !!

[alwaysinstyle]

i have an extremely important and serious question.

has hourglass artist stan ever painted a nude portrait of kyle?

there is only one right answer.

This question is, in fact, as important as it is serious.

The answer is YES, of COURSE he has!! And I’m going to say a lot more below the cut since Ana herself is writing about something NSFW-ish!!

Now that it’s just us grown-ups hehe, let’s discuss this more in depth.

So, for Style in the Hourglass Cinematic Universe (everyone thank Riley for coining that term), Stan’s painting plays a massive role in the development of their relationship. You can read all about how painting a (clothed) portrait of Kyle led to their first kiss in this post! It was obvious in that instance and continues to be the case that when Stan paints Kyle, it is a massive turn-on for both of them, but for very different reasons.

Stan absolutely adores every single thing about Kyle. Stanley Down Bad Marsh practically worships every line, curve, scar and freckle on his boyfriend’s body, so when he gets fixated on those details that he loves so fucking much — especially if Kyle is actually in the room sitting for a live painting — it can really get him in the mood.

In Kyle’s case, it’s more about feeling adored. Even in canon content, Kyle has been shown many times to feel insecure about who he is and is often eager to change things about himself, and I imagine that becomes more of a struggle as he enters his teenage years. While he may not be sure of himself, Stan sure as HELL knows how much he loves every part of Kyle, and when he paints, the sheer admiration is PALPABLE. Feeling so loved and appreciated and the closeness that creates between them draws Kyle in like a magnet. That closeness, that strong bond between them, THAT is more of a turn-on for him than anything (which ties into the fact that HCU Kyle is demisexual — as he is in pretty much every AU I write tbh).

All that to say, much like their first kiss, their first time was in the aftermath of a live portrait. It was the summer before their senior year of high school, after quite a while of having been together, and at that point they had done many things but they had not yet actually had full-on sex. Stan had been wanting to bring up the idea of a nude portrait for a weeks, but he was afraid of making Kyle uncomfortable, because he’s a considerate angel and a sweetheart. As we all know, our sweet baby boy can also make INTERESTING CHOICES when it comes to timing, so Stanley finally mustered the courage to proposition the portrait when he and Kyle were half-dressed, mid-makeout session in his bed. First, Kyle laughed at him for being an idiot (yes an adorable one) and he was honestly nervous, but he agreed to it. The nerves faded away, of course, as he watched the pure adoration in each brush stroke, the love in Stan’s eyes, and their lips were pressing together practically the SECOND Stan finished his masterpiece.

They fell into bed, and Kyle just abruptly pushed Stan away by the shoulders so their eyes could meet. Before Stan could ask what was wrong, Kyle said with urgency, “I want you to fuck me.” Before Stan could even try to reply, Kyle amended the statement, “I need you to fuck me.”

By the time they’re in their early 20s (when Hourglass takes place) they have a whole closet full of those portraits, because without fail, painting one always has the same effect *wink*.

[ham1lton]

shout out to assistant 2. she is the strongest soldier in the ham1lton cinematic universe. and after her is law roach, they deal with so much with their respective YNs

law roach, assistant 2, hot!engineer… all of them suffering rn….

[corrupted-spire-au]

ayo icecream can we get some lore on that candy fella where a tad in the dark .

[girl-named-matty]

*boop*

[menelaiad]

hello here to push my patroclus/menelaus agenda.

they are so similar. in both. character, story (to an extent) and how the bard/author of the iliad treats them.

they are literally both deemed as 'kindly' - the only two.

if y'all make me talk about the defence of patroclus again i'll riot (mother cow. slain for my honour. the DEFENDER not the attacker)

they exist in the shadows of greater heroes (despite being pretty awesome themselves) patroclus in achilles' and menelaus in agamemnon's and yet they don't begrudge that. they're fine... happy with the spotlight being on these other figures because they love them and care for them.

they are catalysts to a greater story. aRUGABLY achilles wouldn't have rejoined the war without patroclus' death and the trojan war would not have started had menelaus not sought help from his brother/partially initiated it himself.

they both have weight on their backs. patroclus is a murderer and an exile. menelaus is cursed and an exile.

they were both suitors to helen. they have met before.

in the agamemnon/achilles fight ... bro. they both can see both sides. they can see achilles' slighted honour and agamemnon's fragile mental state but they can also see achilles' stubborness and agamemnon's willingness to try. they both can't wholeheartedly take a side.

they would have spoke after so much time at troy. they would have got on so well.

there's a line in the paris musical where patroclus sings 'menelaus i indulge your grief, your dignity and your pain' and for a campy insane iconic musical??? it made some points. its got hanDS.

incredible lads.