#been trying to focus a lot on school
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Is/Was tumblr giving anyone else a notification when someone you followed posted for the first time in a while? Like this:
It was doing that for me for a couple weeks, although now it seems to have stopped. A short-lived experiment? Or perhaps no one has posted after a long enough lag. (It seems unlikely to have been a bug, but I don't know enough about coding so maybe?)
It was sort of an interesting idea, to make sure I didn't miss someone I hadn't seen in a while, but on the whole I'm glad it's gone/hope it goes. I'd like my notifications to be all about me, thank you 👸🏻The dashboard is the place for other people. Otherwise it gets confusing.
Anyway, I haven't posted in a while (12 days), so perhaps this post will show up in your notifications!
#that wasn't the only reason I haven't posted much lately#but it did add a little additional pressure for my first post back#i felt self conscious that everyone would get a notification about whatever random dumb shit i was thinking about#but now if lots of people see this at least it answers my question#i haven't been watching BL recently or indeed any shows or movies at all#been trying to focus a lot on school#which i have been! it's been the intellectually most difficult semester so far#so the focusing has been decent recently but the actual results haven't been great#especially since i started the semester not at all on top of things#but it means that I haven't had anything to say about bl#and I've been feeling weird about posting random stuff about my life or what I'm learning#like people aren't interested#and bad about not responding to various things I've been tagged in#i even have some drafts for those i just need to finish. but it hasn't been a priority#anyways here's the update no one asked for. i may or may not post more in the near future.#tmblr life#gillianthecat's life#rambling in the tags
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I'm cautiously gearing myself up for a conversation with bff where I tell her that we need to recalibrate our relationship, and....I genuinely don't think I've ever had a serious, emotional conversation with someone I care about before.
I've never been a Conversation Haver; I tend to take the approach that people can't significantly change without meaningful reason, and since I am not and never have been someone's Reason, I cannot prompt change. Therefore, my choices are (a) live with what is; or (b) end/limit the relationship.
But....this is my best friend in the world. I do love her. I just can't keep on as we've been going, where it's less a friendship and more ten minute intervals where I talk about my life, after which the focus switches. I once sat in a bar for two hours waiting for her; afterwards, she asked if I wanted to stay in her hotel room like I didn't have to get up in another 5 hours and drive to work. She texted me during my recent trips, and when I said I was traveling she asked no further questions. Said nothing unless it was about what she was reading, what she was doing. I'm not even sure she realized I was traveling at all, just unavailable to her.
I can give a high-level summary of her PhD thesis. I'm not confident she knows where I work.
Truthfully, part of this is that we simply have different social styles....but still. Coming back from my family trip, I said I was tired and trying to get work straightened out, she should go ahead and plan something for the holiday! I was free! Only for me to text a week later....and promptly have her join me, for my previously standalone plans. Oh, and she asked me to bring my camera, because she wants headshots for her new job.
I still love her very much, but if this is the kind of relationship we're going to have? I need less of it.
#I've been trying to script this conversation for two weeks.#doing dishes and talking to myself trying to get the wording right.#dumping my laundry in the washer and stating ''I know grad school requires a lot of self-focus but''#''and if this is all you feel comfortable doing now that's fine!'' I mutter to myself while vacuuming#''our relationship can adjust'' I sigh to my pillows at night. ''but I need to know that's what you want.''#(.......I didn't actually mind sitting the bar. the guy on the next stool over was a theoretical mathematician#working on cryptography. so it was a good conversation.#but that's my point! I can have a good conversation with anyone. I am a champion asker of questions.#I need bff to figure out how to ask me questions of me so occasionally I can be the one talking.)#celestial emporium of benevolent knowledge
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"Is [Barkov] a normal dude? Meaning like—is he just like, you're having a cheeseburger some day and he's like 'Oh, no, no, no! I need this, I need the superfoods,' like is he kind-of... is he a normal guy?" "'Is that Wagyu or no?'" "'I need, you know, the best of the best,' Like how is he?" "He's undercover really funny, especially when you get to know him. I don't think he said much for the first 3 to 5 years. But I always joke with him I've never been invited to his house and we've played together for 10 years." "Dude, Brandon Montour said the same thing! We had him on last year! He's like, 'Dude, he's never had us over! We're always like—' But he doesn't live by all you guys, right? He kind-of lives a little further out?" "Yeah, he lives 20-30 minutes away in Boca [Raton.] But, yeah, no I—Listen, it's just his personality. It's who he is, and we respect him for it. Like I said, he's a really funny guy when you get to know him, and sometimes he's got those one-liners. And, you know, he's one of those perfect humans, right? You know, one of the guys we all strive to be, and we'll all come short forever, but—yeah, he's a good person."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.30.24 (x)
i hope this bit never ends if not for the fact that each time ekky has to say it he has to add another year to it which adds to the comedy of it all
"Hey, who's got the best setup on your team with the Panthers? When all the boys get together, 'We're going to your crib. We're gettin' on the jet skis,' whatever. Who's got the best setup?" "Yeah, um—Aaron [Ekblad]'s probably...I mean, Aaron's been there the longest. Hopefully, Barkov hears this! He's been there the longest, but he never invites the boys over to his house!" "Oh~ Barky!" "Is he cheap?" "I'm gonna call Barky out right now, and see if he can invite the whole team over next year..." "Is he cheap? Is he cheap? What is it?" "Will he do it?" "Oh, he's up in 9 East—obviously, like quiet, unbelievable guy, but he's the only up in Boca [Raton.] So I don't know if anybody wants to even drive up to Boca..." "Oh, Fancyland Zone..." "What do you mean? How far is that away from where you are? Like, and everybody else?" "Yeah, we're all in Ft. Lauderdale, Las Olas—within probably... you know some families are in Parkland by the arena, but we're all within probably 10 minutes away and he's up 30, 40 minutes away so."
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 7.25.23 (x)
the boys ribbing sasha for living so far away and never inviting them to his house but still going btw hes amazing and incredible and perfect and sososo good we say this to tease him but like this is just who he is as a person and we accept that so please dont misconstrue this into something its not this is a joke and we dont take it to heart
and on that topic its really a shame that NA media doesnt know how fucking funny and how absolutely unserious he can be. I understand the notion of diligent no-nonsense captain is a prevalent idea (which he is lets make that clear he takes hockey so seriously) but especially since this season hes said hes cut down on weight so he could skate faster (and the results show) so i understand where the questions are coming from knowing the track record but also
we've won a cup and hes ramped it up its fantastic and this is one of my favourite examples of it of how quippy he can be
happy to talk about my cappy!!! happy to tease my cappy!!!
"and you know hes one of those perfect humans right? you know one of the guys we all strive to be, and we'll all come short forever but yeah he's a good person" do you also cry about how terribly fond and sincere ekky gets about sasha
#aaron ekblad#aleksander barkov#brandon montour#florida panthers#the ever evolving “ive never been invited to his house in nth years” bit#a part of me is like itd be funnier if ekky never gets invited over#ekky teasing sasha but very quickly switching to sincerity like we accept him and love him for who he is#do you want me to die#“hes one of those perfect humans right” and other normal things to say about your captain#(writes down) ekky has used perfect to describe oel forsy and sasha#the list ever grows#”one of the guys we all strive to be and we'll all come short forever but yeah hes a good person” EKKY WHAT THE FUCK#THATS AN ADMISSION AND A HALF AINT IT#GOOD HEAVENS#i think a lot about ekky having a tendency to look away and down to focus on what hes saying#but looking up and engaging eyecontact when hes giving sincere praise#the whiplash i get seeing him switch between trying to joke about it (“well all come short forever”) and being sincere (“hes a good person”)#to which he schools his face
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alright call me crazy but. how do folks feel about an android wall-e jesskas au
#like it's the plot of wall-e but it's jesskas and they're androids instead of non-humanoid robots#am i crazy?? most likely#also ik it's been dead on here sorry about that 😶 currently in my senior year of undergrad so things are ramping up for me#just trying to focus on school as much as i can but i promise I'm here!!!😁#also just a lot of personal shit going on but nothing bad#love everyone who's still here with me 🫶 not trying to make this all mushy! this post is about JESSKAS#haven't been drawing much in general lately but once ive cooked up something nice I'll share it on here#whenever that will be...#unrelated but does anyone here listen to tma? i started it recently and im loving it so im wondering how i can project jesskas onto it#perhaps if i make some good headway into it by october i can start drawing some spooky mcsm stuff relating to it 😻#anyway yeah sorry for rambling in the tags buh bye see you guys when i see you 🫡
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recently been consumed with the idea that the crux of most of gilbert's problems is that he's an immortal who never fully accepted the fact that he's immortal and he tends to approach things, especially personal issues, from a human perspective for better and for worse and this has absolutely fucked him up and is now also fucking his son up because ludwig is not and will never ever be a human child despite his father's best efforts to raise him as one in this essay i will-
#not an ask#y'all im so sorry for the updates being sporadic#im fighting my inabilty to focus#im stockholmed to the gruelling schedule of ani school help#but yes this has been a thought that's been eating at me#gilbert is so determined to raise ludwig as 'normally' as possible#because he himself was robbed of normalcy as a child#in a way he's kinda trying to live vicariously through his son#which is sad and not exactly healthy for either of them#his boy is not human!!! and he refuses to see that!!!#gilbert has a lot of resentment built around being immortal and he's projecting it so hard onto his children#lud especially because he was so young when he came into his care#unlike sztefa who was older
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even for period typical ableism it still drives me nuts for karen to go oh poor matt how can he deal and get around as if he hasn't been blind most of his life at this point and living on his own by himself as an adult for his entire adult life after college and has also lived in the city his whole life like girl use your damn brain he can get around by himself just fine. good god. like take five seconds to use your brain. literally adult man who lives by himself if nothing else that should tell you he is fine and when he needs assistance has the knowledge and ability to go get it you act as if he can't even walk on the sidewalk by himself. he literally shows up to work by himself. it drives me up the wall sometimes how she sees proof of him functioning fine independently literally witnesses it on the daily and still thinks these things. like again foggy isn't great either bc again the period typical ableism (and just general ableism in the world outside of this period as this is a common attitude of viewing disabled people as helpless and unable to function even if they are people who do live independently (and im not touching on people who do need extra support and caretaking in this context. as this post is about these characters in the context of a story. so im talking about what we see there instead of any truly meaningful nuanced way) but the writing here is like. Particularly this way due to the time) he has a modicum more of understanding that matt is literally a capable grown adult man. literally told karen matt is a big boy who can handle himself and then karen went b-b-but you forget he's blind as if foggy hasn't known him for years of his life and is his best friend like PLEASE SEE HIM AS AN ADULT. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE. PLEASE RESPECT HIM IF YOU LOVE HIM SO DEARLY. AND EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T. JUST RESPECT HIM AS A PERSON!!!!!!
#i think it's particularly maddening bc we have seen characters be able to understand civillian matt is like. more than just Blind Man.#i am always highly aware of period typical writing and can remember the context etc etc but sometimes.#sometimes it truly. truly does drive me up the wall. especially when other characters have been capable of not being That Level#of infantalizing. again foggy still isn't much better in a lot of respects he is just as capable of and has been as infantilizing#and insulting as karen has been. for sure. on multiple occassions. no questions asked. but i dont think he does it to the extent karen does#as in we dont see it on page just as much. it's just a bit less. so we see karen focus on it far more. to an almost exaggerated extent#part of that is the romance plot of ohhh i cannot possibly love a blind man while foggy is matt;s best friend of many years#so of course it will be in the way of the stan lee and old romance comics schools of writing that this goes down and is written like this.#of course we see her focus on it a touch more in a different way bc she's still getting to know matt and hasnt witnessed him#for about like a decade(? they met in undergrad right?) function on his own the way foggy has. but jesus christ man. good god.#at a certain point even with the period time context it does just still leave a bad taste. at certain points it becomes less eye roll#and far more maddening and hard to push down. bc it is gross. no matter what time period it is.#again. both of them are pretty disrespectful towards matt about it at this point even if mostly in their inner monologues or dialogues#with each other and not super to matt's face about it every time. but still. sometimes karen drives me far more crazy about it than foggy.#becase at least foggy can in fact recognize every now and then. matt is a perfectly capable grown man who can function and thrive.#and is someone who lives independently but also can know how to get assistance when needed.#while karen at this point has never really once given matt the benefit of that assumption despite witnessing his capabilities.#because even with his act of trying to fit the image ppl have of him. he still functions within that! and shows he can do things!#and ask for help when he needs it! even within his act of making himself smaller and quieter for others.#he's still like. adult man who lives his life. and does stuff on his own time.#i cant really speak about matt on any more deeper level than that in regards to his disabilities. i am not disabled.#i only speak as a reader and someone watching what these characters do and have proven to be able to do and how they act.#so i can only talk about karen and foggy's behaviors and attitudes in that regard.#and also as a person with like. basic understanding of other ppl living their lives. that all ppl live their own damn lives however it is#like most ppl on planet earth.#i apologize if any of my wording here is bad or if i dont talk on it well as none of this in the real world stuff is my lived experience#and you are free to go hey. incorrect. think about that or word that differently.#ok i promise im done now it's just. EUGH. UGH!!!!!#static.soundz
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have u read young mungo?
no but it’s been on my reading list for ages bc i’ve heard such good things!!!!
#just trying 2 focus on books i already own first this year…#& also been reading a lot 4 school etc#ask
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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🗒
#blessings roll call!#feel free to hop in the tags or replies <3#started my new job this week-- working as a PT tech at a rehab clinic#that training is going well and it's such a blessing to not have to be actively searching for a job during the semester#since I've got a very full class schedule trying to find time to apply and interview would be a nightmare rn#so grateful that got done literally right before the semester picked up#and now I can focus on learning the job. also praise that all my coworkers are kind and patient.#school is going better than expected. there's a lot to do but so far I'm doing really well in all my classes#and singing in choir has been such a joy!#we have so many gorgeous pieces including a Sara Teasdale poem arranged for chorale#it sounds heavenly! the solo is lovely and the alto part is a lot of sustained notes that come together with the other parts to make this#insane almost organ-like sound#got to chat with my bestie today at my other job which was good#homemade soup!#food in general actually. The first week or two of the semester I was subsisting on nothing or junk food#and got to the point where I was starting to feel like crap and went grocery shopping#I've been bringing meals to college and work the last 2 weeks and it's made such a difference!#and I missed eating vegetables and actually getting protein so now I have nutrient-dense meals and it's great#actually getting close to enough sleep and it's been great#talked to my grandparents about visiting over Christmas break and they're down so I might be going to see them soon!#hanging out with my sister a bit more now that we drive to school together#despite being super busy it's been a good month. ups and downs but overall the best September I've had in a while#prayer request-- the one thing I haven't been consistent with is my quiet times.#definitely struggling in that area right now. please pray I can spend time in worship and prayer and study even when I don't feel like it <#college chronicles#journal
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#listen#I know you guys all love to see her happy and I do too#but that is simply NOT a good cover objectively like…. it looks like a mediocre fan edit sksnfnfngng#NOT A KNOCK AT MY BUDDIES WHO ALL DO AMAZING EDITS (better than this cover tbh)#but come ON#the layout is awful!! no balance at all it’s all over the place#the photoshop job is terrible#she looks absolutely adorable and I know it’s blinding a lot of you#but even the wierd fake bob has me like ??????#COMMIT OR DONT#I will say ON THE OTHER HAND#the original cover is so iconic#her most recognizable cover ever that was the most high concept best use of mixed media (barely but it qualifies)#launched a whole AESTHETIC#so I totally see why the exercise in even trying to do a modern take on it is totally foolish and it would look terrible no matter what#so to go in a totally new direction is just the only option she had#I just wish the direction had been well….. more thoughtful#it’s an adorable photo of her but it belongs in the inside or needs a different design structure to accommodate it#THE SEAGULLS LOOK TERRIBLE WHY ARE THEY SO IN FOCUS AND DISPROPORTIONATE#THE LIGHT ON HER AND THE SEAGULLS ARE COMING FROM COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS#THIS IS BASIC ART 101 LIKE WHAT YOU LEARN IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL#anyway hater moment over#I was just shocked at how shitty it was made like GIRL YOU HAVE MONEY HIRE SOMEONE GOOD
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The funniest thing I wholeheartedly believe is that I have a neurodivergency not catergorizable or diagnosable as any currently recognized disorder. (disorder emphaized because heavily impairing functioning is generally a requirement of the clinical definition and a condition of diagnosis, and although i'm vexed i still Get By Just Fine)
because like yes those probably exist; there's no way psychiatry is in its final form now and there are definitely levels of neuro-difference that don't qualify as disorders, but like. that's so random and it's kinda pretentious to make such a bold claim about yourself. like oh u wanna be special, huh? 🙄 just be AuDHD like everyone else (<- joking)
#look the Mental Illness is bad frequently enough the PMS prolly is exasterbating SOMETHING but what?? who knows#maybe testorterone would fix me... i'm afriad but i've been thinking about trying it a lot#i've been so clsoe to having persistant depression (looking back something was wrong with me in middle school???)#but it just isn't consistant and strong enough to be dysthymia#cuz like i don't feel sad so much as i just feel. psychologically unwell. maybe i've just always been stressed.#the lack of focus being a PMS symtpom is too real tho once i found that out i was like. damn that's why i thought i had ADHD sometimes and#then i wouldn't.#my autism score test ONLY being outside of 100% allistic range on the social stuff....#but i'm not a poor enough communicator for that to be a disorder#like there's all these little parts and they don't come together in the shape of anything i know#anxiety but not as bad as my mom who can't even get diagnosed bc it doesn't impair her functioning -'trich' but i don't pull; i snap or cut#but i'm still going to see a gyncologist bc PMS is the only lead i've got#i am goign to bring up T but tbh i think that's outside of their domains....#i wish menopause didn;t exist bc typical birth control is NOT an option bc high risk of hormone-positive breast cancer#but blocking my menstrual cycle would honestly be my dream outcome#but my understanding is if i don't replace E with T i just go into menopause and htne like. well my mom's going through it now and it#doesnt seem like. a good time.#I said this#personal
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i just misspelled custom.. even though i see it everyday.. on several different apps..??
#sorry i havent been posting a lot recently btw-#school is finishing up for this school yr so im trying to focus on school/my irl social life lol#so less time is spent on social media in general#hopefully ill be back soon!!#custom made thoughts
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bar exam in 8 days. i am so scared lmfao
#ooc.#a bit of negativity in the tags:#i am also a little sad bc my studies and lack of availability/focus have def caused some people to not want to stick around here#but i am trying not to think about that now#thanks for sticking around if you're still here#i really appreciate it. i love being here and talking with you all. my life has just been so hard lately#when i was still able to write my brain would only let myself focus on certain things#and it is nothing to do with the lovely people i write with here#and more just what my brain let me focus on#this has been a thing since i have been in school#i opened my blog back up to the public right before finals#so you really have known this stressed scatterbrained version of me#that i would like to think isn't reflective of who i am as a person or writer#i've just been full of a lot of emotions lately#because i hold my fandoms and the people in them near and dear to my heart and i feel like i have inadvertently driven some of them away#so my heart is breaking a little bit.#if we have spoken on here#or i have sent a meme to you#or received one from you#or gotten a starter from you#or written a starter for you#you Do mean a lot to me.#i have not forgotten you.#i'll probably delete this soon. i'm a little embarrassed#i don't want this to be a pity party but i feel i owe an explanation#just know i have everything saved#everything in my drafts/askbox#and i never drop anything unless i tell you i need to for some reason#thank you for being here again#you all have offered me some solace and community during the hardest time in my life
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Ran out of answer spaces but! I felt it was important to split off Team Plasma since there is a significant ideological difference between them (as far as I remember each ideation of Team Rocket has the same goals/beliefs, Giovanni himself just stepped down and changed his mind)
That said! This is less about favorite gen and more about believing in the beliefs -- especially interesting to consider if you align with the Main Villain and their outlook, or if you believe in the so-called "cause" that may or may not be true, or have some truth to it (like, if you wanted to help Pokemon like og Plasma and Aether Foundation).
Sorry to lump Yell and Star together, I was going chronologically!! You'll have to specify which and why in the tags haha (if you want to that is!)
And honestly that goes for any choice, sell it to me. Why should I join Your team?
#pokemon#i'm sure this has been done before but also i want to have a specific focus on like. WHY you're joining. beyond favoritism!#i've already made my choice tbh it's team skull. like they have a point and an extremely valid reason to be angry.#if you can't measure up and do the island challenge as expected ESP when it is SO culturally significant in alola#what do you even do. ofc you're gonna be washed up and burned out and carrying the weight of failure with you always.#until one day you're like 'hey isn't weird we put so much pressure on literal 11 year olds actually'#and then you start questioning tradition and expectations and the system and you're like okay.#LET'S START COMMITTING CRIME#really i think the only area they went wrong was to bully the 11y/os about it instead of directing their rage#at the adults who put them in that situation in the first place. LIKE. imagine a world where team skull on top of being public nuisances#were instead actively trying to recruit every kid doing the island challenge to their cause#to dismantle the significance of the island challenge and maybe where they go wrong here is#they're 'too destructive' and there's a place to meet in the middle (can be an annoying message but also. kids game LMFAO)#that said it would be really interesting how they'd interact w the captains as well cause a lot of them are kids too#are they also regarded as victims of an unfair system like the island challengers or someone who upholds it?#ultimately team skull is still a red herring but. it would make for some wild world building!#also team star is extremely based and have done nothing wrong in their entire lives. i am fighting the school board about it.
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At the crossroads between wondering if it's worth it to basically completely rewrite all my WIPs or just take a break from writing for the rest of the summer
#i noticed every summer i get progressively worse lol#like not in terms of writing but in terms of everything else goin on in my head#i mean if anyone is craving some dark and depressing shit i've got bits and pieces here#it's like i'm writing for an audience even in my own mind. can't finish anything because it's __ __ __ etc and my niche is too niche.#did my last fic really burn me out that much?? i mean it was basically 30 thousand words and there was a LOT packed into it#maybe i should finally respond to comments and i'll feel better.#something's been going on with me for the past couple months (maybe longer) and i'm just annoyed ALL the time#feel like i want to give up everything and stop talking to everyone. ((it could be my out of whack hormones mind))#so if i haven't been as active and haven't drawn or written much that's why. i'm pulling away and curling in like an atrophied limb.#my brain is just permanently in school mode. i can feel it gearing up for the oncoming year that's going to be super intense.#like would it even matter if i post any more work before september? idk why i can never seem to chill or take a break for even a minute.#i still have drawing projects i want to finish at least! taking me literally all summer because of surprise health problems.#partner was consoling me about how i feel for writing '''weird''' stuff with almost no focus on romance#saying that SOMEbody has to write what i write so that should keep me going. i just tell myself that it could be worse -#- i could be primarily a femslash writer. they are the real heroes and they get no respect.#idk why i'm getting so angsty#i think i might be romance/sex repulsed atm. not in real life at all but in fandom. i'm bored of it. and i'm bored of conversations about i#i'm sure i'll change my mind in what two weeks or so.#maybe i'll try to write something original#i have things in my ask box i should respond to. like asks about my writing. i just haven't been feeling well#so i haven't had the right brain to respond :( but i see the asks and i'm grateful <3#anyway peace and love
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#gn o/#sorry ALL i did was talk abt my bot all day#it is literally all i did today#bc guess who has coviddddddd wooooooooooooooo#dont have many symptoms rn other than Tired and I Am Sore and hopefully it stays that way#i dodged it for 3 years even tho my parents have had it multiple times#we dont know where it came from it just Appeared. couldve been ppl at work or school or even just the grocery store who knows#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#but yeah all i've been doing is laying around and coding bc i cant focus on anything else lol#i played skyblock a bit this morning and hopped on for an hour with ark too#but turns out Talking Sucks bc trying to go from thinking to talking is barely working lol#typing is fine tho. so python has been fun#skyblock has the major downside of needing lots of attention so it was too hard to bother playing for too long#but in python i open the dude. make a command. run it. go stare at the fridge. rinse and repeat 👍#minimal attention required#chat
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