#been stewing over this for whole day and it’s just … Christ what on earth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aufucker · 3 months

Text

Your honor jack and bj are just fuckin in this one

Cw: vaguely dubcon?

It had been just shy of two weeks since you had last heard from him, realizing wherever he went either had no signal on his part, or he simply had his phone off throughout the whole trip.

You had gotten back from your own trip; a short, few days ordeal that you had invited him to time and time again, but was always politely turned down. Reasonable, you figured, given the cultural importance of it all that he likely wouldn't be familiar with. But you invited him regardless.

And regardless, his own vacation was deemed more important to him. You couldn't be too mad at him for it, but you could be as you read the message that buzzed your phone:

OMW B. Mind coming over and checking under the hood? Started making a thudding sound on the way in.

You weren't exactly ready mentally for maintenance work today, between the odd tug of excitement that tickled your ribs, and the bubbling annoyance in your temples holding back the onslaught of "I told you so" for him not heeding your warnings about taking care of such an old car with so much stress.

You gonna owe me deedee

I know B. See you in a few.

You never seen him reply so quickly. An address you were only vaguely familiar with was sent.

The drive to was roughly thirty minutes out of the way, pulling up to some old storage units lined up with old, forgotten boats and RVs gathering dust. Had to be dirt cheap to "store" anything here, you wondered as you peeked at your phone, shooting him a quick response to let him know you were there.

And that he also owed you for gas. Thirty fucking minutes out.

You saw the familiar jacket approaching the old wired gate, creaking and jangling with an obnoxious announcement of its age as it was opened to let you in. With your toolbag in hand, you... honestly wondered what he expected you to do. Most of your real tools were at your work's depot. Anything more major than basic by ear diagnostic was out of the question.

But he insisted, and arguing was pointless with him.

"Yo." you said simply, your eye scanning him up and down. Dirt caked the bottom of his jeans he had tucked into his black boots, now practically brown from red and white toned earth that dusted the leather. Tones so far from here. Tones that reminded you of Ute country... No. Further south. You were there recently.

You were close enough to see the dirt and sweat stain the white of his shirt, to see his sunken, mossy eyes looking at you with a startling alertness. Like he was watching every tiny move you made, following it.

"... you look like shit, Dean. Smell rough, too." Sweat and dust and metal and overall... him. You found yourself taking it a little more than you cared to admit.

"Didn't shower. Came right back. Figured I'd use yours on the way back in from here."

"Oh, so I'm giving you a ride home?" you asked, cocking a scarred brow. "And letting you use my bathroom?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll pay back. The car?"

Pushy prick.

The longer you looked at the chassis, the more you wondered how the fuck this thing survived such a long, strenuous, round-trip, practically no fucking stops journey every year.

The once black sedan appeared as more of a deep matte charcoal, its worn out gloss barely gleaming as it flaked away in patches. Red earth caked its corners and grooves and nestled itself as a permanent pop of color that fell out in cascades as you kicked the grill. The heavy door opened with a high pitched groan and pop, and the unbearable hot stench of plastic, of cigarettes, and stewed body odor that had seeped into the seats for years hit your nostrils quickly.

"Ugh! Fuck--! Christ alive, Dean! Would it kill you to roll down the windows?" You scolded, quickly reaching for the leaver to pop the hood and escape the confines of the cab.

You only got a quiet laugh from his nose in response.

"Gonna hose you down before we get back to my place. You are NOT stinking up my leather."

"I'll roll down the windows, B, I'll roll 'em down. Promise."

"Uh-huh. Go start your own damn car. Not sitting in that. Besides, need to make sure it's not your damn belt trying to come off, yeah?"

He knew better than to argue with you, this time. With the hood creaking, it you lifted it up and latched it, scanning everything inside. Dusty. Dusty, dusty, dusty. It wouldn't be unlikely something got clogged. But you had to hear the problem first.

With a brief signal on your part, the engine turned and everything sounded... fine.

No thudding, no thumping, no groaning or squealing or clanking. Nothing sounded off to your well trained ear. Another signal and the engine was off.

"Sure you heard thudding, Dean?"

"Sure did. You didn't?"

"Nuh-uh. Hop out. Gonna check your basics while I'm here. Old thing like this probably shits oil."

Coolant was fine, brake fluid was fine, shit, even the fucking window washing reservoir was recently topped off.

As you leaned over to pull out the dipstick for the oil, you found yourself leaning further than you expected. You found a weight pressing against your backside, with dirty calloused hands digging into your sides.

Was he fucking serious right now?

Any attempts to call him out were interrupted by startled gasps and surprised squeaks as you felt him grind himself firmly against your ass. Whatever he wanted, you knew you weren't going to stop him. You only managed to find purchase in just a few inches away him the engine, enough to drop the hood down with a slam before your face was quickly shoved against the surface pocked and flaking surface.

It was hot. Uncomfortable, but not unbearable. Dirty fingernails dug and squeezed at your skin, your love handles, your belt, desperate to pull you further into him, to grind the pitched denim between his legs harder against you. You hated that you whined, feeling that same aching he did pressing unbearably tight against your fly.

The clicking of your belt hit the grill as he fumbled with your pants, barely bothering to unbutton and unzip you before yanking them down your thighs. The echo of his own followed barely seconds later.

You gritted your teeth, holding back the stinging hiss as you realized you were only ready in spirit and not in body. He didn't even have the patience to spit first. He didn't have patience at all, rocking his hips shortly before his pace quickened, burning your insides as they struggled to open for him fast enough.

The heat of the hood, the loud clanging of your belt beating again the steel grill at his brutal rhythm, accompanied by the thudding of your body against the car as he panted and huffed and heaved with your flesh in his teeth, and his stench in your nose. You found yourself reeling fast. Burning in your insides, burning in your belly, twisting and churning and throbbing as you couldn't even hear yourself whine anymore.

He shuddered gracelessly against you, the burning inside of you replaced with a familiar warmth, the sting of teeth replaced with heavy breath and cooling drool against the bruised flesh. You didn't want to see what mess you left on the the dusty grill.

"Hey..." He huffed in your ear. "Heard that thudding again."

"God--Fuck you, Dean."

#btd #tpof #tpof jack #btd oc #my writing #billiedean

0 notes

ultimaa · 4 years

Text

OFFSIDE

Two shot

PART I

Summary: "You’re young, attractive and rich, but Martinique stands between you and the love of your life. Damn, I'm happy I'm not you."

Eren had two sacred rules during his holidays: no football, no social media and no England. These purposes involved moving a thousand kilometers from his apartment in Liverpool to enjoy a peaceful summer in his native Shigansina, a small town in southern Germany where everyone knew each other. There he was simply Dr. Grisha's boy. "Really? Come on, man, go to French Polynesia or Dubai," his partner Connie Springer said. "Shigan-what? Okay, don't mind me. I’m sure parties are great in your town..." Honestly, Eren spent his days off sleeping and playing video games. Sometimes he jogged — after all, he earned his salary thanks to his body — and drunk HB beer, but what he liked most was the feeling of making up for lost time. He loved football and played in one of the best clubs in the world, history would seat him at the same table as Ian Rush, Michael Owen or Steven Gerrard. He loved Anfield, but he was too young when he said goodbye to the field of earth soccer and was taken to Melwood, where his parents visited him once a month. At the age of twenty-six, with a brilliant career, Eren Jaeger returned to Germany like an elephant going to die in a cave, with his family, and then repeated the cycle of nostalgia. However, that year would be different.

The Jaeger couple celebrated their 25th anniversary and they organized a small party with relatives and close friends. Only Eren Kruger, best man, who was in a submarine five thousand meters deep, was absent. As for the others, they all attended: Zeke and Pieck, who had come from Berlin, Aunt Faye, Keith Shadis (Eren’s Godfather), Tom Xaver (Zeke’s Godfather), Hannes, Armin and his grandfather, Kuchel Ackerman (bridesmaid), Kenny Ackerman (usher) and Levi Ackerman. Grisha did not like parties, but Carla settled the discussion with a resounding statement: "Silver anniversary aren’t celebrated every day, darling."

While Hannes, old Arlet, Pieck and Kuchel made a beef stew and the couple danced to the sound of Wiener Blut in the sitting room, Eren opened a bottle of beer and toasted with Armin and Zeke.

"You’re the only one, brother," Zeke pointed out. "You’ll retire bachelor. With ten Golden Balls, but a bachelor."

"The golden bachelor," Eren corrected. "Hey, Armin, you're single too."

"Annie and I are taking some time." His best friend shrugged.

Zeke laughed. He was a cardiologist. "I understand the heart much better than you... in all aspects," he used to say. And it was probably true: he was married to Pieck and the ring did not bother him yet.

"Really? She has been in Australia for two months. Do you know how long Australians last in bed, huh? About seventeen minutes, behind only the Americans, the Canadians and the English. As for the Germans, only eight percent have participated in a trio. If I were you, I'd start to worry."

"Did you just tell me I'm a bad lover?"

"No. Statistics, Armin. Information."

"This dude is like that." Eren took a sip. "He throw the stone and hides the hand."

"I have no interest in offending the virility of the Germans. I'm German, in case you haven't noticed. Siegfried is my grandfather and every Friday I go drinking with Wagner, but not all women know how to appreciate the Central European charm. Also, Melbourne is one of the best cities to live."

"Annie is in Sydney."

"See? That's precisely the problem." Zeke finished his beer and put a hand on Arlet's shoulder. "You know exactly where she is, but does she remember you? When a woman puts fifteen thousand kilometers between her and her partner, she only has one goal: to forget. And while she builds her new beginning, you water her plants."

"I still wonder how you seduced Pieck," Eren said. "Did you take her to dinner with Kaiser Wilhelm and Angela Merkel?"

"Actually, she won me. Well, I fell into the trap. I thought I could escape later. I was wrong and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I ain’t immune to women either."

Zeke showed a wide smile. He was blond and had a magnificent bearing. When the waltz was over, he congratulated Grisha and gave him a beer. Then he hugged Carla and cleared his voice. They all looked at him.

"This woman you see here is suicidal: marrying a Jaeger is dangerous, but marrying a divorced Jaeger with a child is deadly. The first time I saw her I was seven years old and I thought: Will she be like Miss Rottenmeier? No, thanks to God. I had always been Ezekiel, but she started calling me Zeke and that's how my friends, my coworkers and my wife call me. In a way, he baptized me. She ain’t my father's wife or my stepmother. Sorry, Eren; Being an only child is wonderful, but she’s also my mother and I would like us to toast her, the woman who brought us together here today. Cheers! Who’s in charge of the music? Auntie, put Spring’s Voices on. Eren and I are gonna dance."

"Wonderful idea." Armin laughed. "Football? As Martha Graham said, dance is the hidden language of the soul."

"You bastards." Eren took his brother's hand.

"Don't step on my shoes."

Among the music and the wild laughter of Kenny and Hannes, Eren did not realize what was about to happen. No clairvoyant would have guessed it. He looked sideways and saw her appear: black hair, aviator sunglasses, and a cigarette between her lips. White rolled-up shirt, capri pants and strappy sandals. He lost concentration and Zeke roared with laughter. He knew, of course. The last time he saw her was on the eve of her trip to Martinique, where she had spent the past year. The waltz ended and they both bowed. Eren did not want to raise the head. Why had no one warned him?

"Levi told me she came back last night," Zeke whispered.

Eren did not even hear the applause. He quickly returned to Armin, who was chatting with Keith Shadis, a retired military man, about the Ardennes Counteroffensive and the Nuremberg Trials. "I am almost sure," said his friend, a historian, "that Franz von Papen died in '69."

"Mikasa is here," Eren hissed.

"I know," he nodded, "and I'm gonna greet her, she's my lifelong friend and I'm glad to see her. You should do the same. Don't think about what happened."

"Did you know? Armin!"

His friend approached her. Great. Eren slipped out into the garden with a couple of beer cans and sat down on a wooden bench. Pretend you don't care, he thought. It belongs to the past, that's it! Fuck! You have to call it by its name: pain. Before she left, they drank like a fish and ended up going to bed. That was last summer. They had not spoken about it since then. He could already hear wise and eminent Zeke Jaeger’s voice: "So you haven’t had a girlfriend since Christ was crucified, but you shag with your best friend. Da ya need to talk, Eren?" Shit! Maybe he needed to tell someone how much her decision to go to Martinique hurt when he declared her love. She had a degree in Arts, so she was offered to do a study about Paul Gauguin, who spent a time on the island. So Zeke would say: "The Caribbean? I'm sorry, brother, I'm so sorry. You and Armin can cry together."

Eren was in love with her. It is one of those truths that one understands with a broken heart. And this led him to reject the insinuations of several, too many women in recent months. There were rumors that he was gay.

"Look who's here: Reds’ Hunter," Mikasa greeted him. "Can I sit?"

"You can do whatever you want." Eren was not angry, but a little drunk. He scratched his right arm; Delacroix's Liberty was tattooed from shoulder to elbow; Lower down, on the forearm, Goya’s Colossus collapses the Berlin Wall. On the inside of the doll, an M. Again, he could hear his brother's voice calling him an idiot.

Mikasa sat next to him. Her skin was not as pale as before: Caribbean tan. The serious mouth was the same and the gray eyes had not changed. She had a fine scar on her right cheek.

"Congratulations on winning the Premier."

"Yeah, well, first in Liverpool's history." Eren groaned. "How did it go with Gauguin?"

"Excellently. Van Gogh said that Gauguin didn’t paint with the brush, but with the phallus. However, mayby he didn’t die of syphilis..."

"Are you kidding me? Do you congratulate me on the championship and talk about Gauguin's cock?" He let out a sardonic laugh. "If that's all you have to tell me after all this time..."

"This is neither the time nor the place".

"I don’t care. We fucked, Mikasa."

"I know. I was there."

"Really? Because sometimes I think about it and it seems a mirage. You've been avoiging the matter a whole year, a fucking year. You show up at my parents' party like nothing's wrong and talking about fucking Gauguin." Eren paused. "Annie is in Australia. Do you know how long Australians last in bed? Seventeen minutes. How long do Martinicans last?"

"I know what you're implying," Mikasa said seriously, "and you're wrong, Eren. You’re very wrong. Do you think I would be able to do that after sleeping with you?"

Carla Jaeger interrupted them; the meal was ready. They were not hungry, but an inexplicable feeling oppressed them: Eren's blood boiled; Mikasa's was frozen.

"When you want us to talk as adults, let me know," she said.

Adults! Eren said nothing. He sat between Zeke and Armin, who gave him a questioning look. Eren sighed and started eating. He remained oblivious to all the conversations, sharing looks with Mikasa, sitting next to her uncle Kenny. One year had passed and perhaps he was angry, but he winked al her. She smiled and caught the kiss Eren discreetly sent her, and showed her thumb.

"Okay," Zeke said, after wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Have I ever told you about friendship between men and women? No, because it’s impossible. Were you and Annie ever friends, Armin?"

"Huh… Yeah?"

"No. You wanted to have sex, but you didn't tell her."

"I know you know," Eren whispered.

"I’ve known for a long time. In fact, I knew it before you did, bro. You were like Heidi and Peter, and now, if you were alone, this would become Nine and a half Weeks.

For Zeke it was too obvious, but what about the others? Eren looked at them closely. They talked about politics, football, past... Levi was the only one who remained silent. He was not a very talkative man, unlike his mother and uncle. Kuchel and Kenny talked and laughed like no one else. As for Mikasa, whose premature orphanhood led her to grow up with them, her character was soft; silent, good listener and without his cousin’s curtness. Did she tell someone what happened? Maybe Sasha Braus? After the meal, Eren felt adult enough.

The whole evening passed pleasant between anecdotes and skat hands. Keith Shadis left around six in the afternoon; He had to return to Munich for work. As for the others, Carla insisted that they stay for dinner. While Grisha and Zeke had a scholarly conversation about the latest advances in medicine, Kenny was laughing loudly with Mikasa by his side.

"I never imagined that we would have an artist in the family."

"I'm an art historian," Mikasa pointed out.

"If God doesn’t give you children, Devil gives you nephews." Kenny lit a cigarette. "Ackermans have always been country people. Levi was the first to go to university; He was already a whiz since childhood. Fortunately, Mikasa followed suit.

"What is Martinique like?" Carla asked.

"Quiet. When it rains, goodbye internet and light, and of course I have to mention mosquitoes, humidity, heat and earthquakes," she paused, "but people are lovely and the landscapes are spectacular. They are exactly like on postcards. Oh, and the accra is very good."

"We could go on vacation, honey." Zeke looked at Pieck. "I'm tired of Sardinia."

"But you have to be careful with snakes," Mikasa continued, smiling. "I was bitten by a eyelash viper. Nothing serious, but I wouldn’t repeat the experience."

"One year has been enough, hasn't it?" Eren, who was playing cards with Armin, had his ears set on the conversation.

"Yes. For now I will stay here I’ll go to Munich in September to work at the Alte Pinakothek."

"It's fantastic," said Armin.

"And you’ll be close," added Kuchel.

So Munich. However, Mikasa commented on the possibility of another trip. She specialized in Impressionism and did not rule out settling in France. After dinner, when it was time to say goodbye, Eren pulled out his cell phone and wrote her a message: "Do you wanna talk?" She looked sidelong at him and replied, "Come home tomorrow. We will be alone." Jaeger thought about that last one; He smiled, pleased, and quickly typed, "Good."

They all left except for Zeke and Pieck, who would spend a few days in the village before returning to Berlin. It was like going back fifteen years ago, when they still crowd around under one ceiling. Carla loved having them all there. Her good character led her to have an excellent relationship with her daughter-in-law. Grisha was pleased with the situation; He played chess with Zeke for hours, in total silence. Eren used to watch them, attentive to the gestures, wondering how they could drag on a duel that long. And it all ended with one word: "Checkmate."

Zeke followed him into the garden with a cigarette on the lips. He had tried to stop smoking, but there are things a man can never give up, like mentholated Camel.

"You don't smoke, do you? What a pity. One or two cigarettes once in a while doesn't hurt anyone, Mr. Perfect Abs." Zeke blew out the smoke. "Munich. A wonderful city, especially in October."

"We’re gonna talk tomorrow."

"One day I take a look at the yellow press and I see you with Historia Reiss, and I think you're a lucky bastard. You’re young, attractive and rich, but Martinique stands between you and the love of your life. Damn, I’m happy I’m not you."

"I love you too." Eren frowned.

"I’m trying to help you. Don't screw it up, okay? A bad step now and you will regret it all your life." His brother clapped him on the back. "Now If you can excuse me, I'm going to make love to my wife in my fifteen-year-old room."

"I didn't need to know that."

…

Having the house to herself, Mikasa went down to have black tea. Frugal breakfast, as always. She felt like an intruder in her own town and jet lag was not benevolent. She wanted to stay in bed, she’s just got ants in her pants. She did push-ups and thought about the last exhausting year. Operation Gauguin, as she called it, had been a true odyssey. Fuck the Caribbean. She had missed Europe, her family and friends, but duty is duty. As for Eren, she could not reproach him for anything. He was angry. She should not have slept with him before she left; Mikasa kept thinking about it for a moment. Secrets and sex are a bad combination for consciousness. Besides, she left without saying goodbye. She behaved like a real motherfucker and would do it again: sentimentality is not advisable before a possible trip with no return. No, she couldn't listen to Eren's feelings before getting on the plane. Deep down, she suffered from the greatest weakness: love.

She lay down on the floor and closed his eyes. God, the cold slabs were nicer than any bed in the Caribbean. The woman forgot the physical and mental exhaustion when Eren touched the knocker. She took a breath and decided to improvise. The first thing Mikasa noticed was Dior's perfume. He was wearing an unbuttoned black polo shirt, gray jeans, and deck shoes. The three-day beard and dapper cut fit him very well. Those tropical eyes ... Shit!

Silence. Glances. It was inevitable. Eren closed the door behind him and received her kiss in a frenzy. Mikasa bit his lips, tugged at his hair. The man held her prisoner in his arms, sliding his hands down her back, her hips and her neck, anxious and needy. Their mouths were lost in each other's. Eren threw his head back and went deeper, searching for lost time. He licked her lips from corner to corner. The touch of tongues was deadly like a sword dance. They parted, face to face, panting, obscene. Mikasa wanted to make love to him in the middle of the hall and tell him how much she had missed him.

"Did you want to talk?" Eren planted another kiss.

"Yes," Mikasa replied. "I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I have a very interesting story to tell you, but I don't know if it will be more exciting than winning the English league."

"Ok, you know I prefer Monet, but..."

"It has nothing to do with Gauguin." Mikasa took his hand and led him into the living room. If she thought about it, it was a concise thing, but difficult to assimilate. Eren sat down on the sofa. She made him coffee and moved to his side, maturing the words in her head. "It's complicated. If you don't believe it, I get it. I’ve spent more time in Cuba than in Martinique. I haven’t done any study about Gauguin."

"What?" Eren looked at her seriously. "What's going on, Mikasa?"

"I've been working for Interpol for a couple of years. No one knows, only you. Crimes against cultural heritage."

"I don’t get it. What does that have to do with Martinique and Cuba?"

"During Nazism many degenerate works were plundered. Gauguin, Chagall, Klee... Some works were located last year. There was a certain black market for art among many American magnates. That is why I went to Cuba together with a team, to find out the whereabouts of some Gauguin works lost since 38."

"It’s definitely more interesting than winning the Premier." Eren drank from his mug thoughtfully, still amazed. "Was it dangerous?"

"Not much. At least not for me. My job is to see, evaluate and give a verdict, not shooting. Do you think I'm out there drinking Martini and driving an Aston Martin?"

"The idea excites me." The man touched the scar on her face. "And this? I don't remember it. It’s not on the maps that I have of your whole body."

"Then you will have to add it." Mikasa took the cup from him, put it on the table and leaned against him, kissing him calmly and sweetly. For a moment she thought she would never see him again, or maybe he would see her repatriated corpse with a bullet in the head. God! She hugged him and rested her head on his heart. Eren stroked her hair and she trembled at the memory. "It was a shot. I don't know how I'm still alive. I was so lucky..."

"My God," Eren whispered. "Why did you not tell me? Don’t trust me?"

"I know you. Worry wouldn't let you focus."

"Of course not. And now that I know why you left, it will take me a few weeks to recover from my fright. Damn, it hurt so much when you answered my messages as if nothing... I wanted to tell you about my feelings, but you always talked about trivial issues and I thought you didn't care what happened between us. Why?"

"I was scared. I didn't want to think about you or our plans. What would have happened to all those words if I had died? Look at this scar. It’s a miracle I’m still alive. It happened a few days after arriving. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. A rich man held a clandestine exhibition, I infiltrated and they discovered me. I didn't want to tell you that I love you and then die. I don't do things that way."

"And how do you do it?"

"Like this." Mikasa kissed him again.

#eremika #Eren Jaeger #Mikasa Ackerman #eren x mikasa #zeke jaeger #snk #shingeki no kyojin #AoT #attackontitan #fanfic

29 notes · View notes

dailyaudiobible · 4 years

Text

09/17/2020 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 25:1-28:13, Galatians 3:10-22, Psalms 61:1-8, Proverbs 23:17-18

Today is September 17th welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is great to be here with you today just like it is great to be here with you any day. It is a great to be alive upon the earth no matter how crazy things get upon the earth. The life breath of our Father is within us. We are here. Our ears are open, and we invite the Holy Spirit to speak through the word of God as we do every day. And, so, let's dive in. We’re reading from the English Standard Version this week. Isaiah chapter 25 verse 1 through 28 verse 13.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of Galatians, the letter to the Galatians from what we read today we…we arrive at justification by faith. And that's a theological term for sure. And…I mean…you know our eyes can glaze over with theological concepts easy enough. I like them…I love them actually, but it's easy enough to…that it becomes cliché - justification through faith. But what is the essence here? And…and we’ve been talking about how Paul was controversial and we’ve even been kind of putting ourselves in the position of his hearers to understand like how complex and how difficult it would've been for them to embrace what Paul is saying and why they thought he was a heretic, but we should understand that this could not have been an easy road for Paul. We met Paul when his name was Saul and when we met him he was persecuting people who believed in Jesus trying to stamp this message out, even being present at the first…the first recorded martyrdom, that of Stephen, where Saul’s there holding everybody's cloak while they’re killing, like throwing rocks at Stephen until he dies, which cannot be a good way to go. Paulk’s on his way to Damascus to continue the same, right, when he meet…when he meets Jesus. And, so, you can only imagine like the complete rewiring of a whole system that you have given your life to, the just…the complete disruption of it all for Paul so that he has to go and just really examine what it is he believes as it's being revealed by Jesus. And, so, we can see why Paul would start at the beginning with Abraham and move forward. And we can see why things would start to click for Paul, once he does that because he begins to realize there isn't any action, there isn't any kind of obedience to a certain rule or set of rituals that is gonna make us righteous before God. Maybe if somebody could actually live into those things, maybe God is saying, “okay, if you can do all this then you can be righteous, but nobody can, nobody could. So, that can't be the endgame.” So, Paul goes back to the beginning of the story, he goes back to Abraham, he finds out Abraham believed and that belief, that faith in God and what God had said, that trust in the experience that he had had, that this was real and wasn’t gonna be stolen from him, that God had spoken to him, and he believed it, that was counted to him as righteousness. And righteousness was Paul’s goal. That's why he was such a strict Pharisee. That's what they were trying to do, obey the law and be made righteous before God ultimately. So, Paul’s like, “hang on”, basically, “hang on. Abraham didn't have a law to obey and he still was made righteous before God.” In fact, and as we read in our reading today, “the law didn't come for 430 more years. So, what about all those people? Like were they able to be made righteous through faith in God? Because that was the only way. There was no rituals, there was no system of organization…organizing the people around something. They believed and were made righteous. This is the origin of justification by faith.” And, so, then, having that laid out, having that perspective unpacked, then Paul says, and I quote him, “is the law then contrary to the promises of God? Certainly not! For if a law had been given that could give life, then righteousness would indeed be by the law. But the Scripture imprisoned everything under sin so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe.” It's back to his original, his…his constant argument. The law shows you that you are impossibly separated from God and dying that way unless you can achieve it, like unless you can live a perfectly. But you can't and Abraham didn't either. He believed. He believed. He trusted God. And, so, for Paul, he’s like “that's all we have to do here. Like, that's the long and short of it. We have to believe and allow that belief to transform us because we are experiencing the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is transforming us from within and leading us forward into life.” I mean we could just…you know…put an exclamation point there or whatever, and just go, “there, that's the story, like that's what he’s saying”, because that is what he’s saying. We just have to acknowledge based on all of the back story that we have…that we've entered into is that, as good of news as this was it was like too good, right? Like too good, too simple. Like “really, that's it. I believe and then I die, and I’m resurrected, and I relax. I…I…I fall into the soft pillow of grace and I am then enveloped by the arms of the one that I can now call Father, Abba, God, the God that I'm so afraid of, that I'm following all of the rituals to try to…to try to stay on His good side. The hoops that I'm jumping through, the levers that I'm pulling, the recipes that I'm building, the stew of my life that I'm trying…trying to whip up, all of that's not gonna get me there, like that doesn't do anything? All I have to do is believe and let God transform me?” That is good news friends. That is the good news. And it was difficult good news for many to embrace. And then we gotta look in the mirror. What recipes are we making? What rituals are we following? What hoops are we jumping through? What levers are we trying to pull to get the same thing to get the attention of God and try to stay on His good side when it's all done? All we have to do is believe and fall back into it, ease back into it. Yes, yes, we have to fight the flesh. Yes, we have to live into sanctification. Yes, it requires a lot of things, primarily endurance, but we’re not in this alone, we’re not navigating alone. It's done. Our Father loves us enough to…enough to be so intimate with us that He dwells inside of us. He is within us. It is His work of sanctification. It is His work of conversion. It is His work of restoration and renewal. It's not our work. We keep trying…we keep trying to be made righteous. We can't. We can’t be made righteous. We can believe and become righteous because of the gift of God that is constantly at work within us. May we live into this good news. May this good news accelerate inside of us the transformation happening, moment by moment, day by day step by step as we continue our journey through life with our Father.

Prayer:

Father You are so good. When we understand this, You are so good. And, so, much that You have made available to us through faith we’re still trying to earn and we’re still feeling guilty every single step of the way because we can't earn it. When You have to find moments of exasperation, I suppose You don't, Your God, but You have to have these moments where it's, “like my darling, my son, my daughter, my precious one, You don't have to do this, it's done. Let's enjoy being together. Let's enjoy life together. And as You live into this and it transforms You then You will be doing what You're supposed to be doing. You will be shining brighter than You can possibly know.” Help us live into this. Come Holy Spirit, well up from within us. Help us to live this today. We ask in the name of the risen Christ. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is…is home, it's where the Global Campfire, it’s where a virtual community like ours can get connected. And, so, check it out.

There are several sections if you haven't ever been. Check out the Community section. It's how to get connected. It's where the Prayer Wall is. Check out the Initiatives. This is some of the things that are going on that are featured. Check out the Shop. Resources are available there specifically for the journey that we’re taking together. So, be aware and check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at the website as well, or in the app and just press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, we’re a community of prayer and we love each other well by praying for each other and caring for each other. If you have prayer request, if you're carrying the burdens that you’re trying to shoulder, they just happen to be crushing you, maybe you don't have to do that completely by yourself. Maybe just calling in, just letting…just releasing it, just saying it out loud and releasing it and knowing that no matter what happens thousands and thousands of people are going to pray for you. That makes a difference, a pretty profound difference. So, you can always reach out. There is a hotline built right into the app that no matter where we are on this big blue planet, as long as there's an Internet tower somewhere, we have a hotline. We can reach out. So, be aware of that. That's in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi everybody it’s Carla Jean from Promp Nevada I’m calling with praise report. Many of you remember that last year I was divorced from my husband of 25 years and at the beginning of this year I lost my job and I was homeless and he allowed me to stay in his guestroom and we rekindled our relationship and on Friday, September 11th on what would’ve been our 27th wedding anniversary we were remarried. I know that many of you had prayed and I’m just so thankful for this community. And today on the 13th Brian read from second Corinthians 13:11, “rejoice, strive for full restoration. Encourage one another. Be of one mind. Live in peace and the God of love and peace will be with you.” Thank you, my brothers and sisters for encouraging me, for being of one mind, and for living a life of peace. Please know that I pray for all of you every single day. I love you and I’m just rejoicing. God bless. Bye.

Hi this is Paul from Wales my DABber name is Why I Follow Jesus 365 which I run on Facebook but today I was out on mission again. I’m just grateful for the way that following the DAB has absolutely changed my life over the last five years. And saw another two people saved this morning. That’s either the 28 or 29. Got three people in the message book waiting to discuss Jesus. Be praying for them for a while. And just want to give a praise report. God’s at work. It’s fantastic. It’s going brilliant and none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t started with DAB. And it’s just changed my life to walk the walk and be encouraged. That’s were called to do. And as much as giving mission and telling people God loves you and has a perfect plan for your life it really is about us learning to be obedient. And until we do as He tells us people won’t be saved and it’s just hopefully an encouragement for somebody no matter the difficulties in the challenges. And the other fantastic thing is I learned this week to really follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance in my personal life over things like buying cars. And none of that what I even have attempted to consider before DAB. So, thank you bless you take care stay safe in America, terrible what I’m seeing on the news. You’re in my prayers. Take care.

[Singing starts] dear God please help all the people that are in the fire. Please help them to be safe and not to get hurt. Please help them to know that you’re with them. Dear Lord, we love you so much. Dear Lord, we love you. You’re in our heart. We’re in yours too. Please help other people to learn about you [singing stop’s]. Thank you.

Hi, DABbers this is Kari from California I am also a longtime listener in the first-time caller. Today is Monday the 14th I was just listening to the prayers and Sue’s from California I heard your prayer and just wanted to call and thank you for calling in for the first time to ask for prayer for your family. I was so touched by your message and will be praying for you and your family but also just encouraged by the faith that all of you have as you’re in the midst of all these challenges and a lot of unknown. You are standing strong in your faith and your encouragement has encouraged me and will encourage others. So, Lord we just lift up Sue’s and her family Lord. We lift up her husband who’s on hospice now and we just ask for Your intervention Lord. Be with the family as they walk through this time with him. Lord lift up Sue’s and ask that You would just take this depression away Lord, that You would flood her with Your peace and encourage her for her daughter and this cancer Lord. We ask for a miraculous healing. We rebuke this in Your name Father, and we claim healing for her daughter that she wouldn’t even have to start this chemo in October. And for her son, whatever is going on there that he’s not ready to share Lord that we also ask for healing for him. We ask for healing for Sue’s colon and we just ask Your grace and peace and mercy on this family. DABbers I love you all. Thank you for this community. Have a blessed day.

Hi, good morning this is Jeanette from Denmark. I’d really appreciate some prayer. I have recently had a virus and my body’s been trying to get back to normal after it. And I take some medicine to help keep my immune system up and when that is playing together with an infection it usually means I don’t sleep very well. I want to share what the Lord comforted me with last night while praying, that, yes, He is our God who sees us but He’s not a human being like people who only can look. He’s our shepherd who sees us through everything. When Abraham’s son Ishmael was together with his mother, the Egyptian slave in the desert, God didn’t just let them go. He sent an angel to provide water and encouragement. And our God is the very best shepherd we have. He’s more powerful than everything that is around us, no matter what it is. I love you guys over in the states. I am…I’m praying for you guys during the election season. Remember to guard the door of your heart. Be careful what goes in your eyes and your ears and have peace. The Lord sees you. The Lord knows you and He loves you.

Hi, Brian hi DABbers this is Emily in Seattle. I haven’t called in a while. I just wanted to let you know that things are good. Things are really good. I’m still dealing with my vision loss and that isn’t fun but everything else in our life can be summarized in one word, grace. The grace is abounding more and more in these last days and I pray you guys feel His grace as much as I do and are experiencing His grace even through all the hardships that we’re going through in these last days of COVID and everything happening in the world. And I just wanted to let you know that I love you all very, very much. God bless you guys so, so much. Keep listening to the DAB. Keep out there with your faith. Keep the faith going. You got this. I love you all. Bye.

1 note · View note

porkchop-ao3 · 5 years

Text

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 33)

Back Down To Earth

Arthur and reader return to camp after their wonderful night together, and quickly remember that the rest of their lives aren’t so peachy. Some tension and conflict in this one. Hope you enjoy!

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

Waking up without a tender ache in my hip was a very nice change, the soft bed giving me an appreciated restful night. Arthur was still sleeping when I opened my eyes to him; laying on his front, his head resting on his folded arms. I sat up and stretched, feeling oddly vulnerable in the light of day sat atop the bed completely nude. Of course, Arthur was just as naked as I was and I struggled to resist letting my eyes wander down his spine; all of those masculine ridges of muscle at his shoulders, the dips in his lower back above his backside, his backside, looking soft and round and cute. I very nearly pinched myself, wondering how on earth I'd been lucky enough to end up with such an attractive man.

I turned onto my side, tucked a piece of his caramel coloured hair behind his ear; it'd gotten real long, stopping just above his shoulders, parted at the side and swept over, looking like some sort of prince. Goodness he was handsome. How was he so handsome?

I retracted my hand and moved away from him, stopping myself from gushing over him any more. Poor man deserved his undisturbed sleep. I decided I'd get up and have myself a bath, it'd been so long since I'd had a hot bath and I stayed in there for as long as I could. Even so, Arthur was still sleeping when I got back to the room to collect my things before heading out, just like I said I would the previous evening. I left him to sleep, figuring he deserved a lie in, and left him a note to remind him where I'd gone off to.

So I took a short trip into Saint Denis. I was curious about how the place had changed and had planned on having a wander around before carrying out my main objective, but stepping outside and walking up two streets had been more than enough exploring for my evolved tastes. I remembered when I was a youngster, trips to the city were exciting to me; the busy, modern, fast-paced atmosphere was something I didn't experience in any other place. I grew up in the swamp, in a small house with no neighbours for a good twenty minute walk in all directions, it was always so quiet and uneventful and as a child, boring.

Growing into adulthood and losing my family, spending time alone wandering from place to place and mostly avoiding civilisation for the sake of my hunting success, had certainly changed the way I viewed the city. Just that short time outdoors during the day, with so many people passing by, acknowledging me only to size me up… well, I felt incredibly anxious.

So, I headed straight for the place I wanted to visit, pleased that it still existed, and made a purchase I had not made in years.

Letting myself back into the hotel room was a pleasant relief. By the time I had done what I needed to do, Arthur had woken up and appeared to have taken a bath himself; he was sat on the bed with a towel wrapped around his waist, a second in his hands scrubbing at his hair.

"Morning," I greeted him, watching as he pulled the towel free from his head to look at me, his hair was sticking up all over the place and I couldn't help but smile at the sight of it.

"You're back," he seemed pleased, "done what you needed to do?"

"I have," I grinned at him, coming to sit next to him on the bed with a cardboard box on my lap. "I trust you slept well, you were out like a log when I left."

"I sure did. Haven't slept so well in years," he smiled, standing up to gather his clothes. He tossed them on the bed when he turned back to me, dropping the towel around his waist unceremoniously.

I felt myself flush and averted my eyes only after getting a good – though accidental – look at his naked body. I heard Arthur chuckle.

"Sorry, sweetheart, I thought you wouldn't mind," he said, his voice a little teasing.

"I certainly don't mind," I said, feeling warmth bloom in my belly, "but warn a lady next time, won't you?"

"I surely will, never meant to catch you by surprise, ma'am," he said, picking up his union suit and stepping into it.

I allowed myself to look at him, my eyes immediately going to what was between his legs purely by accident, or perhaps it was curiosity, or human nature… whatever it was, Arthur didn't miss it and when I met his eyes he appeared amused, though with a healthy splash of colour in his cheeks.

"You're a fine man, Arthur Morgan. You can't go 'round flaunting it all so suddenly, you'll make my head spin," I giggled, watching as he buttoned up the suit and covered himself up.

Arthur didn't seem to know how to respond to that, looking surprised.

"You don't realise just how fine you are, do you?" I queried, tilting my head at him. He breathed a bashful laugh and pulled on his jeans and his shirt, tucking it in and pulling his suspenders up over his shoulders. "You always laugh like that when I compliment you," I noted.

"Do I? I guess I just ain't used to hearing that sort of thing from a lady such as yourself," he murmured, coming to sit back down on the bed next to me. "I don't know where it comes from, truth be told."

"Comes from looking at you," I twisted and wrapped my arms around his neck, scooting closer. "I'm a lucky girl, getting to be this close to a man like you. I reckon my mama'd say I've done mighty well for myself."

"You think so?" He snorted, not seeming to believe me but putting his hands on my waist anyway. I brought one hand to cup his cheek, my thumb drawing down and across the bottom of his mouth, tracing under his lips.

I leaned in and pecked his lips, they were so soft and plush under mine I could've done it again right away, but I held back. Instead I kissed his cheek, then his jaw, slowly, tenderly.

"It's no secret I always thought you were easy on the eyes," I whispered to him.

"It's no secret I've always been confused about it," he said and the corner of his mouth lifted; I kissed it. "After all, look at you."

I pulled back minutely.

"You're an incredibly beautiful woman, I don't even have the words for it," he said to me, his voice all low and silky in my ears. I pulled back a little more to look into his eyes.

"Goodness, Arthur," I breathed a quiet laugh, "you're making me blush."

"Was that too silly? Sometimes I worry things'll sound silly coming from me."

"No!" I grinned, kissing him again then pulling him in tight for a close hug. "God, last night was perfect. Everything is perfect with you. You make me a very happy girl."

"Well, if I can make you happy, that matters a whole lot to me."

I gave him a final quick peck on the lips, then pulled away and presented the cardboard box I had in my lap to him.

"For you. Or, us," I shrugged.

Arthur looked down at the box with interest, it was a plain white thing, not very big, and when he lifted the lid, he chuckled.

"A little treat. I went to the confectioner's. Pa used to take me and my brother there every time we visited the city and he'd treat us to a cake. We'd share one between the three of us, but I figured I'd buy us one each today, since I'm in such a good mood," I smirked at him.

Inside the box there were a pair of individual little sponge cakes, layered with strawberry preserve and thick servings of cream, lots of powdered sugar and a pretty spiral of sliced strawberries on top. The things were a few inches tall, the cake to filling ratio being at least fifty-fifty. It was the same cake I had as a kid, and I remembered carving a small spot in heaven every time I sat down to eat my helping. I would close my eyes and take the tiniest of bites, making it last, savouring, licking my fingers and plucking the crumbs off my skirt to eat them as to not let a single piece go to waste. Though, I hadn't eaten anything like it in years.

"This is… you know, about all I've eaten for as long as I can remember is meat and canned vegetables, and whatever Pearson puts in his stew. Sweet stuff like this just doesn't come my way. Angel, this is one hell of a treat," his smile was wide, and it was such a pure, untroubled smile that it touched my heart.

"Well then, eat up. Nothing like cake for breakfast, huh?"

Arthur and I moved on the bed, scooting back and turning to sit facing each other, cross-legged, with the box between us. We each took a cake and wasted no time in tucking in, both of us letting out appreciative hums at the first bite. The cake was so fluffy and moist, sweet and decadent and every bit as delicious as I remembered from my childhood. Cream squeezed out and coated my tongue and Arthur caught some of his own in his palm before it dropped down the front of his shirt. They were messy to eat but I'd argue it only added to the experience.

"Christ, that's good," Arthur groaned with his mouth full, then licked away the cream on his hand. I giggled, nodding in agreement.

The sound of chewing filled the space between us, along with the odd noise from the street outside; horses hoof beats, chatter, the bump of wagon wheels over cobblestones. Arthur and I were quiet, though. Nothing like tasty food to shut people up.

About half way through the cake I quickly began to wonder if it was such a good idea to eat a whole one to myself, it was becoming very sickly. That didn't mean I stopped eating, though, it was far too good and the treat was far too rare for me to want to let any of it go to waste. So I pushed through and stuffed my face, licking up the cream that had escaped onto my fingers and my lips. I had to admit to feeling a little sick after the whole thing, but it was worth it, I'd say.

"What're we doing today, going back?" I asked and Arthur turned his nose up a little before composing himself.

"Do you want to?"

"Do you?" I countered and Arthur let out a small sigh.

"No, I don't reckon I do," he said quietly.

"Well, I'd be happy to stay away for as long as you want, but…" I began, looking down, "ain't you worried what folks will think if we stay away too long?"

"Not really, wouldn't be the first time I've spent a few days away from camp without announcing it to everyone."

"Yeah but, it ain't just you this time."

Arthur was quiet for a few moments. "You worried about what people'll think we're up to?"

"No, though I assume they'd think we're doing exactly what we did last night, whether it was the case or not. I'm more worried about Dutch thinking I'm–" I stopped, second guessing whether it was a good idea to speak my mind on the matter.

"Dutch? What you worrying about Dutch for?" He frowned lightly, concerned. I kept my eyes focused on an embroidered tulip on the bed sheet as I thought.

"Maybe it don't matter."

"No, it does. Has he said something to you?" His hand reached out to cup mine.

"Jus' something I overheard when you was with the O'Driscolls. I don't know what he meant, really," I shrugged.

"Talk to me."

"Well, when they came back without you, and Micah said he didn't know where you were, I panicked. I was askin' Dutch what he was gonna do, and he weren't being all that helpful with his answers– he was pissed off, understandably so. I reckon he was worried about you, but he was talking about not doing what Colm expected–" I shook my head and stole a look up at Arthur, his eyes were dead set on me but unreadable.

"Anyway, he wanted rid of me, and Hosea, bless him, took me away and calmed me down. But as I left, Micah told Dutch I had a crush on you," a small laugh escaped me at that, "and Dutch goes; that's all we need, or something like that. He didn't sound happy about it."

Arthur stayed quiet for a moment longer and I felt compelled to carry on.

"Then he kinda brushed me off when you got back, I don't reckon he knows about us. At least not the full extent. And I guess I've just been worried that he and some of the others might think I'm distracting you or taking you away from the gang," I admitted.

I met Arthur's eyes, both of us remaining quiet for a few seconds before Arthur seemed to snap out of a stupor and he cleared his throat.

"Well, you ain't distracting me, not from what needs doing. I've been doin' all I'm supposed to, so nobody can moan at me for that," he muttered.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to piss you off," I began, sensing a tension in him that I didn't like.

"No, you haven't. You did the right thing, telling me what you're worried about. I assure you, though, you ain't taking me away from nothing. And if anyone gives you trouble, you let me know," he said, his voice deep and intense, sending goosebumps rising on my arms.

"I will," I nodded.

"And I ain't going back now to keep them lot happy, they can live without me for one night and one day. We can have today and go back this evening, if you want."

"I'd like that," I smiled at him.

"The gang," he started, pressing his lips together in thought before continuing, "they're like my family. But lately, certain things have reminded me that while that may be true, they ain't all that matters."

"Yeah?"

"Listen, I can see Dutch has doubted you from day one. At first I could understand; you were new, everyone's cautious around the new person. But the thing is, you've been here long enough now, shown enough loyalty, done enough for us, for him to start treating you like one of us. God knows he was pattin' Micah on the head sooner than this," he spoke monotonously, a little harshly. He was definitely pissed off.

"I don't mind. Truth be told I don't care all that much for the man," I exhaled in a hollow laugh, unable to let go of his inaction when Arthur was in trouble, his reasons be damned.

"Yeah well, I care for you a whole lot," he said firmly, "and if Dutch, the man I'm supposed to blindly follow, makes you feel like you ain't on the same level as the rest of us, then I do mind."

I stared at him, eyes wide. Arthur cupped my cheek and pulled me in for a harsh, fiery kiss.

"I tell you one thing, I ain't keeping this a secret from nobody no more. You're important to me, and Dutch and everyone else is gonna know about it," he murmured against my mouth before kissing me again, barely giving me a moment to catch my breath, pushing me down onto the bed and blanketing my body with his. My head spun and I opened up for him, letting him smother me in his need and affection.

We made love again, not emerging from our room until hours later, both of us finding it incredibly difficult to pull ourselves away from one another. I was completely, undeniably infatuated with him.

We rode back to camp after sundown, Sadie was on guard duty and she smirked at us when we arrived, though didn't say anything other than a polite greeting. We dismounted from Jet and I took the chance to give Rayna some love before Arthur and I walked into the main camp. It looked like people were finishing up with dinner as Susan was washing some dishes and everyone else was lazing about the place, the atmosphere felt flat in comparison to the previous night when everyone had been partying. It seemed the novelty of the house also wore off pretty quick considering most people were sitting outside.

Arthur and I helped ourselves to the last of Pearson's stew and took seats at the table. Susan had her eyes on us from the moment we arrived and it wasn't long before she said something.

"You pair can wash your own dishes, considering you both got out of helping with the clean up," she said snarkily.

"What clean up?" Arthur asked.

"From the party, of course," she chuckled. She didn't seem all that annoyed, thankfully.

"Oh, well neither of us made the mess, in all fairness," Arthur said.

"Oh, so you snuck out last night, not this morning?"

I wasn't going to say anything, but Arthur did.

"Yeah," he said, "though I wouldn't call it sneaking out. Charles knew where we was going."

"And where was that?" Susan asked.

"Saint Denis," Dutch strolled over from his spot by the fire, eyes focused on Arthur, "don't worry, son, Charles told me where you were just as soon as I started worrying you'd wandered off with the O'Driscolls again."

"You were worried about that?" Arthur asked, voice rising in pitch. "Come on, Dutch, I leave camp all the time."

"Truth be told I don't know what riled me more, thinking you'd been taken by those bastards again, or knowing you'd waltzed right back into Saint Denis not ten minutes after being searched for by the law," Dutch's overly pleasant tone made me nauseous.

"John and I got away without being seen, they didn't know it was us. 'Sides, we went nowhere near that cemetery, didn't even stay on the streets long," Arthur muttered. I cocked a brow; cemetery?

"So where did you go, son?"

"Ain't that obvious?" Arthur said. I felt Dutch look at me, and kept on eating my stew to distract myself from my growing anxiety. "You're thinkin' it, don't make me say it."

Dutch hummed to himself, his eyes still on me. "Just, think with your brain, Arthur. We don't need any complications," he said, patting his shoulder once before sauntering off.

I met Arthur's eyes and his were apologetic. I didn't say anything for quite some time and after a stretch of silence, Arthur dropped his fork and stood up.

"I'm gonna explain to him–" he began, but I grabbed his wrist.

"Explain what?" I hissed.

Arthur looked at me in surprise. "That it was my suggestion to go to Saint Denis and it ain't nobody's business if we were there or not, anyway."

"Oh, just leave it. He's dropped it, be thankful," I shrugged.

"He's got no reason to be mad about it, if I wanna go to Saint Denis I'll go to Saint Denis," his voice raised, both in pitch and volume, the way it did when he was irritated, I was quickly understanding. "Never cared all that much before when I disappeared, so I understand."

Oh.

I stared at him for a moment, thinking back to the O'Driscolls. I never stopped to think whether Arthur actually felt anything about the way Dutch handled that; I knew that it pissed me off to no end but Arthur had always been so understanding and accepting of these things when it came to Dutch. Though, I hadn't exactly helped the situation by relaying what had happened that night to him.

"Arthur, it might just be in our best interests to let it go," I said quietly, sensing stares from around the campfire. One glance there had me catching Charles' eyes. "Eat your dinner, you ain't had a proper meal today."

Arthur's eyes dropped to his food and after a moment, he slumped back down in his chair heavily. We finished our food in silence and when I went to gather our plates to wash them, Arthur got up and told me he was going to get an early night. It broke my heart, watching him walk away towards the house without me, left on such a sullen note. I had no idea where things had gone wrong, I wished that Dutch had left us alone, that Arthur hadn't taken what he'd said to heart.

We'd had such a beautiful time together away from camp. Why did it have to come crashing down as soon as we returned?

Charles silently sidled up to me when I was washing the dishes to help me dry them. He didn't say anything at first, but eventually, he spoke in a low, even tone that was difficult for even me to hear, let alone anyone else around us.

"I can't help but feel responsible for that," he told me, "I'm sorry. I felt I had to tell Dutch when he started looking for Arthur this morning."

"God, Charles, no. Don't feel responsible, you ain't. Whole reason we told you was so people wouldn't get worried if they realised we were gone. It's okay," I reassured him, "if anything, I'm sorry. We put that on your shoulders. Of course, didn't really anticipate this turning into a drama."

"Me neither."

"Don't worry about it. I think I said something above my station today, soured Arthur's mood a bit."

"You two have an argument?"

"No, we didn't argue," far from it, I thought. "I don't think Dutch likes me very much."

"Why not?"

"Well, I'm stopping Arthur from being capable of using his brain, apparently," I snorted.

"Arthur isn't dumb."

"I know he ain't. Doesn't stop Dutch from treating him like he is, you saw what happened just then. Worst part is, I can't tell who Arthur's mad at; him or me," I turned to Charles, wiping my hands on my skirt and leaning my hip against the table.

"Only one way to find out," he shrugged, gesturing with his head towards the house.

I entered Arthur's room, poking my head around the corner first to see if he was asleep. The lantern was still lit and he was sat up on his bed, writing in his journal. He looked at me and waved me in, and I crossed the room and sat down on a storage crate.

"Sorry for leaving you like that," he spoke first, surprisingly, "needed to get my thoughts in order."

"That's alright," I nodded. Arthur sighed loudly and snapped his journal shut, putting it away in his satchel before looking at me head on.

"I didn't mean what I said about Dutch not caring about me going missing. That was dumb of me, I know full well him coming after me would've been a bad idea. Heat of the moment, and all," he shrugged his shoulders. "I ain't more important than the rest of those folks out there."

"Well, if it's any consolation you only said how I've been feeling about it. Maybe I'm just selfish because of my feelings for you, but I weren't happy with Dutch over that," I admitted quietly, squeezing my hands together in my lap.

"Don't let it bother you, he did the right thing."

I shrugged, neither agreeing or disagreeing.

"He ain't been making all the right decisions lately, but that one needn't come into it. All that shit with the Braithwaites and the Grays, though…" he shook his head and laughed drily. "What a mess. None o' that felt right to me from the start."

"I know," I nodded.

"And now look at us, camping right outside of Saint Denis, closest we've ever been to civilisation. I don't know why we aren't heading west already, taking our chances getting by Blackwater, only so we can get back to more open lands, regain a little freedom. But what do I know? That's probably a bad idea, too."

"This life is relatively new to me, I've never had to run from the law. I couldn't tell you what that idea was, good nor bad. You having freedom, though, is all I want," I sighed, staring sadly at him. I hated seeing him this way; so sullen and conflicted.

"It seems like we're just getting involved with more and more bullshit. You know, Dutch wants us to go to a party at the mayor's house. We've moved up from working with sheriffs to schmoozing with high society, when we're wanted all over the damn place. It's like he's forgotten how to do subtlety," he narrowed his eyes, shaking his head incredulously. He was speaking very quietly, now.

My brows raised and I tried to imagine Arthur and Dutch rubbing shoulders with the likes of Saint Denis' mayor. "I see why that puzzles you," I laughed humorlessly.

"I know that we need money. I know that we need to look for leads. I know that I should trust Dutch 'cause he knows what he's doing. But… I just don't like this shit. But I ain't got the ideas myself to counter with, so what's the point?" Arthur sighed heavily, gnawed on his lip for a moment and I waited for him to continue, it looked like there was more to come and I wanted him to get it off his chest.

"I've always just followed Dutch. Been with him since I was a boy, everything I know he's taught me. In a way he made things easy for me, I always knew what to do cause he always told me what to do, I never questioned it. But now I find myself questioning and I– what do I do?" He looked up at me, and my heart thudded at being put on the spot.

"You've never had to think for yourself before?" I wondered, hastily adding, "no offense."

"None taken. You hit the nail on the head," he shook his head.

"Well, what changed?"

"I don't know. Things feel different, with the gang I mean, we've gotten sloppy. Maybe Dutch is just feeling the heat, or maybe it's Micah; things were fine till he joined. I don't know. I just don't know. Running off to Saint Denis with you was the clearest my head has felt in weeks, I thought I was just permanently messed up by my run in with the O'Driscolls, but no. Turns out it's being here, I don't know what to think no more."

"You ain't upset with me, then?"

"You? Why would I be? All you've done lately is make me happy," he swung his legs off the edge of the bed and leaned towards me, taking my hand in both of his.

"I don't want to drive a wedge between you and Dutch."

"You ain't," he shook his head.

"I've never had much, but these last couple of months I've spent with you, they… it's like nothing I've ever known before. Happiness comes easy when I'm with you," I mumbled, feeling embarrassed by the words leaving my mouth, but wanting to be honest with him. "I just wish that things were simpler."

"Me too, princess. All I can hope for is one day being able to give you somethin' better than this. And maybe it's a little selfish too, Lord knows I'm happiest when I'm with you," he admitted, and it touched me.

"Don't you worry about Dutch. And don't feel responsible for the way he acts, things ain't been going too well for a while now. You know about Blackwater, Hosea; he tried to warn Dutch that it weren't a good idea to do that job, but he never listened. Listened to Micah instead," he grumbled out the last few words, "I guess I'm just in a weird place right now, I need– I don't know what I need."

"Arthur, you know I want to support you no matter what. I care about this gang, and I'll do all I can to help these folk and I'll always pull my weight. But my loyalty lies mostly with one person, and it ain't Dutch. Just know that," I gave him a direct look. Arthur nodded his head slowly.

"I guess I'll… let's see what this party is all about at the mayor's place, see what Dutch pulls outta his sleeve. I'll tell you one thing, though; I am not looking forward to it," he huffed, shaking his head then pulling his hands away to run them through his hair. "I won't lie, my stomach twists itself in knots just thinking about it."

"What if I asked Dutch if I could come, too?" I suggested on a whim, and Arthur looked up at me in surprise, "it's to look for leads, right? All those rich people there. Dutch knows acting is my forte, I could fit right in at a fancy soiree."

"You'd fit in a damn sight better than me," he laughed.

"I'll ask. Worst he can say is no, but maybe he'll see it as me making myself useful and like me a little more," I smirked, "that's if me being there'd give you a little moral support, and you fellers don't plan on shooting the place up. 'Cause then, no promises I'll be any use at all."

"Somehow I don't think we have to worry about that," he smiled, then moved to lay back down on his bed, "but I reckon having you there might be nice."

"Yeah? Alright then," I rose to my feet.

"Get Hosea on your side, first. He's the voice of reason, when Dutch'll listen," he advised.

"Will do. I'll leave you to get some sleep," I approached him and bent down to kiss him. Our lips lingered for a few moments, dancing together and leaving us breathless when we finally parted. "Goodnight," I whispered.

"Goodnight, my darlin'."

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #fanfiction #arthur morgan x reader #atink #arthur morgan x female reader #reader insert #rdr2 fanfic #dutch van der linde #charles smith

31 notes · View notes

wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 7 years

Text

Michael After Midnight: The Conqueror

This is a very strange world we live in. There’s really no denying that. It is a place filled with wonder, magic, and most of all, mysteries. Some of the biggest mysteries of all time are: What are we doing on this Earth? What is the meaning of life? Who let the dogs out? Is Annie okay? And, of course, most importantly of all, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to cast John Wayne as Genghis Khan?!

That final mystery is the subject of tonight’s Michael After Midnight, as we talk about The Conqueror, one of the most baffling films ever made. This film, a film about one of Asia’s greatest rulers, stars not a single Asian person within. Instead, it has a bunch of white people with tans. It’s not a big shock this film helped destroy RKO, and what’s more, may have actually killed the people who starred in it, seeing as the movie was filmed downwind of a nuclear test site in Nevada… though it was three years after the fact and there’s no conclusive reason to believe that radiation caused cancer to folk like Wayne as opposed to his five-packs-a-day smoking habit. But hey, when you have a colossal bomb like this one, it’s easy to see why people hypothesized radiation was at work here!

Now, I think I’ve kicked this movie enough, let’s actually talk about the quality, or lack thereof… The film’s plot centers around Temujin himself, the one and only Genghis Khan, as he rises to power to BECOME Genghis Khan. Already the lord of a tribe of Mongols, he triggers a war between the Mongols and the Tartars when he attacks a caravan and steals a hot Tartan bitch so he can smash her in his tent. Temujin then has to appeal to the Chinese Wang Khan for aid. Can Temujin win this war? History will give you the answer you seek, but pretend you don’t know for a minute.

This film… oh fucking lord, this film...I don’t know who in their right mind thought any of this was a good idea. Like let’s not even dance around it: this film is pretty fucking racist. Well… kind of. Like this is clearly a blatant example of yellowface, perhaps the most insanely blatant use in all of Hollywood, and Christ Almighty they should have just cast Asian actors instead of John Wayne of all people… but I’ll give them credit, they don’t have John Wayne recite his lines in full Mickey-Rooney-in-Breakfast-at-Tiffany’s mode. This is pretty tasteless and mildly offensive, and I can’t stress enough how stupid and tacky it is to have a bunch of white dudes in bronzer play the Mongol hordes, but as far as racist stupidity goes this really isn’t as awful as it could be. In fact, it’s so pitifully misguided that it ends up being HILARIOUS.

You see, unlike Mickey Rooney’s monstrously disgusting caricature that was Mr. Yunioshi, John Wayne’s Genghis Khan was just… John Wayne. Like, there’s no way to see it as Temujin himself, because it is just blatantly John Wayne, speaking in his regular voice, no attempt at an accent (thank god), dressed in Mongol clothes with a Fu Manchu and his skin all bronzed up. There is absolutely nothing about that description that isn’t hilarious, and what makes it even better is just how ridiculously flowery, awkward, and stilted the dialogue all is. And the cherry on top is that Wayne is throwing himself into this role as if he’s acting in high Shakesperean drama; boy was he woefully miscast here, but bless the man, he is trying so damn hard, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say in a corny sort of way I found Wayne’s performance a bit charming. It’s bad, but it’s the good kind of bad.

Temujin’s relationship with Susan Hayward’s Bortai is yet another terrible, awkward highlight of this film. With Hayward, they didn’t even fucking try; she’s white as driven snow and somehow is supposed to be Asian. At least they slathered some makeup on the rest of the cast. Anyway, there relationship is nothing but a load of awkward dialogue, romanticized abuse, and Lima/Stockholm Syndrome up the ass. God it is such a trainwreck to watch, filled with skeevy, rapey undertones and the most belligerent sexual tension you’ll ever see.

If there is one, single, solitary thing I can give genuine praise to, it’s the sets and the costumes. Like goddamn do they make this film feel big and epic, when it is decidedly neither of those things. But, really, that’s all I can praise here. The casting is awful, the dialogue is some of the most flowery, stilted bullshit you’ll see this side of an indie high school drama, the yellowface is just hilariously cringeworthy, there is seriously so much wrong with this… and yet…

This film has such an infamous legacy, especially because of the possibly untrue fallout theories. But you know what? This film is actually really fucking funny. The whitewashing on display here is so ridiculously, hilariously over the top that it’s hard to be truly offended, John Wayne is throwing himself so hard into a role he just should not be playing, and the dialogue feels like it was written by some teenager who’d never written before… it’s all just a perfect stew of stupid. This film is a goddamn blessing, an utterly hilarious masterpiece of a disaster. Do I recommend it? I sure do, if you love really awful movies especially. This is easily one of the crown jewels of my “so bad it’s good” collection, and if you’re a connoisseur of hilariously bad film, you’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t watch this. So grab your popcorn and fill your hand you son of a bitch, cuz a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and a man’s gotta watch this hilarious trainwreck of a film, pilgrim.

This was, unsurprisingly, made in 1956. And, look, I get the 50s were notoriously racist and all, but this… this is like a whole new level. But at least for me, this crosses the line twice, it’s just so over the top and blatant that I just can’t muster up the energy to be angry and instead just laugh. Like, what the fuck were they THINKING? My guess is they weren’t. Boy am I glad they didn’t, can you imagine how much less funny this would have been? There’s surely good Genghis Khan movies out there, with a better, more accurate cast that has actual real Asians in it. But if you want a FUNNY Khan movie, boy howdy this one is one that can’t be beat.

#Michael After Midnight #Review #Movie Review #The Conqueror #John Wayne #Genghis Khan #Temujin #horribly miscast #like holy shit #Mongols

23 notes · View notes

chaeunwoo-archive · 7 years

Text

moonbin | astro

(done with @rockoaroundthechristmastree, @rockytheastroid, @astrofireworks, @jinwoosmile, @ongbins and @jakganim)

MASTERLIST LINK

1998 Jan 26

Cheongju son

Visual 4/6

How to recognise moonbean: smol upper lip, looks like a cat

JUST FUCKIN SHOOK US BY APPEARING WITH BLUE-GREY HAIR WHAT THE HECK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby: red, crescent moon

Was a child actor/model

liSTEN

BABY MOONBIN

IS MY SHIT !!!!!!

Baby Binnie singing

GROWN UP BIN RECREATING IT

Baby Binnie doing the train song!!

GROWN UP BIN RECREATING THE TRAIN SONG

A full cutie / Baby Bin charming everyone / Bin and Sua playing

Was also in a Samsung CF jesus christ what a cutie

Appeared as Baby Yunho in DBSK’s Balloons

Bet you didn’t know he had a dance practice video too

I love embarrassing Bin videos I need a video of him reacting to this

More embarrassing videos he’s bringing sexy back y’all

Was also in Boys Over Flowers as baby F4

cute-ass nicknames

Resident “pupcat” for looking ‘chic’ when he’s straight faced and being energetic and happy and puppy-like when he smiles

문비글: moon beagle because he gets all excited i love him

“YuNo Moonbin” because Baby Yunho in DBSK’s Balloons

“Jelly boy” because of his one line in Confession (“Hey baby 그 앨 잊어“ = “hey baby, forget about him”) that sounded like “hey baby 겔리줘” (hey baby, give me jelly)

콩 = bean

차은우 덕후 = Cha Eunwoo Maniac

Listen he’s such a big Eunwoo stan

#TeamSoap (Just so you know, arohas didn’t come up with the name ‘Binu’, they came up with it (”Team Soap”) themselves )

explained it by saying 빈 (Bin) + 우 (Woo) = 비누 (Soap)

Roommates

Picked each other in OK!Ready and have been living in the same room ever since

in the recent Night Night show they did Eunwoo said that if he could pick roommates again, he’d still pick Bin

Used to call eunwoo (은우) “eu-noo” (으누) as a cute nickname

“Eu-noo Eu-noo Cha-Eu-Noo!!”

Eunwoo saved Bin on his phone (predebut though, idk how accurate this is rn) as 달콩 (literally translates into moon bean) and fun fact coincidence or not you decide it’s also the second half of 알콩달콩 (lovey dovey) :’)

Jokes aside he’s really Eunwoo’s best friend he’s Eunwoo’s hypeman

Claims Eunwoo is the most beautiful creature on earth

“Is he really human? How can someone that looks like him exist?”

Eunwoo thinks Bin is the most handsome I love supportive friends ;u;

Bin to Sanha during the 600 day broadcast: did i say you can take the meat

Also Bin: feeds Eunwoo “be careful it’s hot”

문초딩: basically saying he has a mind of a nine year old i’m crying i bet he giggles at dick jokes

쿨빈: “cool bin” i mean he’s cool sometimes i guess,,,,,, a nerd,

Also recently pointed out during ASC as the sexiest member in astro so

빈스틸러: “bin stealer” - basically (sf9 taeyang voice) scene steAlerRr

정수리감별사: he can distinguish people by smelling the top of their heads bless him

Has a ridiculously refined sense of olfaction - can literally smell every member apart from one another

Literally suffers every time he’s asked to do this by mcs; has done it on Weekly Idol and Immigration and the latest Special Sunday

문밥: mOON RICE THE CUTEST NICKNAME because he loves to eat bless his soul

loves babies to no end

But so does the whole of astro so

can run real fuckin fast

Got a silver medal in ISAC, got beat out by his buddy Woosung form Snuper only because Woosung’s chest touched the ribbon 0.02 seconds before bless

plays the piano!

Was close to ikon’s Chanwoo and sf9’s Chani and also childhood friends with gfriend’s SinB

THE CUTEST LISTEN he was Chani’s OG “Bin hyung”

Once he met Moonbin in the airport and yelled, “BIN HYUNG!!” and Youngbin got so bitter that Chani called Moonbin “bin hyung” he went on sf9’s vlive a month afterwards to complain and said it was a stab to his heart asjdlhf I love them

Also friends with Seungkwan and Vernon from SVT :’)

LOVES EATING I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

Joined the fantz and “Right since the start I told the company that I hope they don’t interfere when it comes to food.” this bitch im rly cryign ilove him

Steals MJ’s food, and also probably everyone else’s

Videos of him eating is my passion

Apparently used to make pancakes really often predebut with Astro :’)

Claims to not really like bread but has an entire vlive of him eating bread with rocko

Apparently hates red bean, egg yolks and tofu and chocolate and fish

Still tried to drink the chocolate drink jinjin(?) won from nimdle even though he hates chocolate what is this boy doing

Actually eats so much omg my fave Bin concept is Bin eating

Literally gets fed by EVERYONE ALL THE TIME (peep nimdle broadcast and also his actual CEO getting their manager to buy him [and Eunwoo] food every 10 flippin minutes)

Gets a free pass to do anything anywhere on a vlive??? Gets meat to hold a BBQ party

Holds his own muk-bang broadcasts, on days where he “can’t eat much” still eats for one meal 2 servings of kbbq, a bowl of rice, a large bowl of stew and finishes off with a large bowl of naengmyeon. son,

sleeps a lot

Literally though sanha and jinjin posted a twitter video of them trying to wake bin up it doesn’t work it apparently only works when eunwoo gets him to wake up

Sleeps through sanha and jinjin prodding him but wakes up when eunwoo starts talking in a vlive

Bin said in the harper’s bazaar interview that he doesn’t wake up when the manager calls him to get up but his eyes naturally open when he hears Eunwoo sighing (creds to @astrotranslations)

Bin’s mom even sent in a concern to hello counsellor bc he wouldn’t stop sleeping and couldn’t wake up so really… eunwoo = magic?

Sister is YG trainee Moon Su-Ah

Not sure if she’s still in that disgusting man’s dungeon or if she’s switched companies, pls pray 4 her

She’s a year younger than him and appeared on Unpretty Rapstar

Once Bin went on in the audience wow he was so handsome in that episode bless up

Cannot deal with doing aegyo for the life of him, but is actually super duper naturally adorable

KNOWS he’s cute, in his friggin line play profile he says he’s ASTRO’s cutie so there’s that

Tried to out-aegyo himself once what a fuckin cutie

Loves the dinosaur claw

Oddly talented at using the claw machine even though he said he was horrible but Hyuksoo called him out on it

Showed us a forehead Once during the Growl collab stage with KNK and Snuper (bless their souls pls support the Holy Trinity I’m not saying this collab stage turned me into a Moonbin/Sangil stan but it 100% did)

SWEATER PAWS

His dedication to the sweater paws is incredible

Soft voice, cute voice, slightly grainy

It’s so distinctive you can tell it’s his voice during songs

Says dumb things sometimes

“MY NAME IS MOONBEAN”

“I ANOTHER GIRL LIKE”

”YOU GO HOME”

Once upon a time, a barista - he attempted to make a heart in a latte but made a carrot lookin thing instead (but he tried his darndest)

For context he worked in the fantagio cafe when he was a trainee to make pocket money and to get to interact with people

Was then asked to make a latte heart but failed asjdhflaskj he’s so pure, Pls tell him it looks like a heart ;; all he wants is validation

Makes cute high pitched squealing noises when laughing/embarrassed

Apparently had Crazy Sexy Cool written for him as a solo track djfaslhdkjfahlsdkf a fullass blessing

Mouth corners curve up up up and into his cheeks when he smiles his eyes disappear it’s the cutest thing my heart stops every single time

Stops my heart when he’s not smiling too

Would do anything to see him smile

GRUMPY AS HECK WHEN HE WAKES UP

Pouts immediately it’s so cute my heart is weak he’s exactly like a cat

Trained the longest out of all of ASTRO, at least under Fantagio

Is called “ancient” in some DDOCA hashtags because he and rocko trained under fantagio for 7 years

Is the longest running member of the Fantagio fam, not counting the CEO

Apparently called Manager Moon what a pure bean

Listen we were just talking about this the other day but in 40 years we’re going to wonder about what happened to astro then we’ll google fantagio and something will pop up and it’ll say something like “Moonbin, previously part of idol group Astro, now CEO of Fantagio”

Is a BTS stan smdh

Knows the choreo to literally all of BTS’s songs, including I Need U and DNA smdh

Introduced to Jungkook by Seungjun (now KNK, previously a Bighit trainee)

Got a (literal) shout out too? At Gayo Daejun

Made friends with him and exchanged contact info and has been messaging him :’)

A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER

Took some predebut photos and also took pictures for the spring up and summer vibes PCs !!!

Photographer name: 달콩작가 (moon bean photographer) :’)

#astro #moonbin #dont be fooled vivi wrote all of this i an eunwoo stan

73 notes · View notes

dailychapel · 5 years

Text

Father God, my heart is filled with chaos and confusion. I feel as if I am drowning in my circumstances and my heart is filled with fear and confusion. I really need the strength and peace that only You can give. Right now, I choose to rest in You. In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen.

[Gen 25:19-34 NLT] 19 This is the account of the family of Isaac, the son of Abraham. 20 When Isaac was forty years old, he married Rebekah, the daughter of Bethuel the Aramean from Paddan-aram and the sister of Laban the Aramean. 21 Isaac pleaded with the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was unable to have children. The LORD answered Isaac's prayer, and Rebekah became pregnant with twins. 22 But the two children struggled with each other in her womb. So she went to ask the LORD about it. "Why is this happening to me?" she asked. 23 And the LORD told her, "The sons in your womb will become two nations. From the very beginning, the two nations will be rivals. One nation will be stronger than the other; and your older son will serve your younger son." 24 And when the time came to give birth, Rebekah discovered that she did indeed have twins! 25 The first one was very red at birth and covered with thick hair like a fur coat. So they named him Esau. 26 Then the other twin was born with his hand grasping Esau's heel. So they named him Jacob. Isaac was sixty years old when the twins were born. 27 As the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter. He was an outdoorsman, but Jacob had a quiet temperament, preferring to stay at home. 28 Isaac loved Esau because he enjoyed eating the wild game Esau brought home, but Rebekah loved Jacob. 29 One day when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau arrived home from the wilderness exhausted and hungry. 30 Esau said to Jacob, "I'm starved! Give me some of that red stew!" (This is how Esau got his other name, Edom, which means "red.") 31 "All right," Jacob replied, "but trade me your rights as the firstborn son." 32 "Look, I'm dying of starvation!" said Esau. "What good is my birthright to me now?" 33 But Jacob said, "First you must swear that your birthright is mine." So Esau swore an oath, thereby selling all his rights as the firstborn to his brother, Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and lentil stew. Esau ate the meal, then got up and left. He showed contempt for his rights as the firstborn.

[Psa 33:13-22 NLT] 13 The LORD looks down from heaven and sees the whole human race. 14 From his throne he observes all who live on the earth. 15 He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do. 16 The best-equipped army cannot save a king, nor is great strength enough to save a warrior. 17 Don't count on your warhorse to give you victory--for all its strength, it cannot save you. 18 But the LORD watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. 19 He rescues them from death and keeps them alive in times of famine. 20 We put our hope in the LORD. He is our help and our shield. 21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. 22 Let your unfailing love surround us, LORD, for our hope is in you alone.

[Jhn 14:8-17 NLT] 8 Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied." 9 Jesus replied, "Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don't know who I am? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father! So why are you asking me to show him to you? 10 Don't you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words I speak are not my own, but my Father who lives in me does his work through me. 11 Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do. 12 "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. 13 You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. 14 Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it! 15 "If you love me, obey my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. 17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

Lord Jesus Christ, send us out with confidence in your word, to tell the world of your saving acts, and bring glory to your name. Amen.

0 notes

gracewithducks · 7 years

Text

“Learn to find the Lord in the everyday ordinary life.” - Josemaria Escriva (Romans 12:1-2 MSG)

This spring, I picked up a book on a whim… and it was the kind of book that wormed its way into me, as books sometimes do. It’s a book by Barbara Mahany called, “Motherprayer: Lessons in Loving.” Mahany shares, with beauty and honesty, how the ordinary stuff of being a mom has informed her understanding of God, and love, and faith, and grace. I highly recommend this book to you, and I especially encourage you to look up the chapter called “Sacramental Supper: On Holy Communion at the Kitchen Table.”

She writes:

“It was the sort of day-after-hubbub when quiet invited me in for a long, slow visit. Nothing rushed about the day. A day to breathe deep, breathe slow. To fill my lungs with quiet prayers, the prayers of lavishing love on the ones so dear to me, the ones who deserve nothing less than the very best dinner I could chop and stir and taste-test along the way. And while I’m at it, why not take it up a zany notch? Just because there’s never enough oomph in an ordinary day. And what day, really, deserves to be plain old ordinary?

“By suppertime… Before I’d said a word, the stovetop’s incense was deep at work. The house was filled with something holy, for what else can you call it when you claim a whole long day to aim for higher?

“To say in smell and taste and temperature and touch what words alone just might not say: “You are worth it to me to spend a whole day cooking just for you. I’ve not lost sight of my holiest calling, to carve out a hallowed space here in this place of walls and windows and creaky floors and solid roof, to be the one reliable source of all that’s good, that’s edifying. To fill you with warm spoonfuls – as much as you want, there’s plenty here. And I’ve made it beautiful because you are, because beauty speaks to the deep-down whole of us. And you so richly deserve every morsel I can muster.

“The day was chilly brisk. I did what I could to make the kitchen glow, the holy light of heaven here on earth. And to fill those who came to the chairs at long day’s end.

“Far as I can tell, that’s a sacrament, a sign of the sacred. With a flat splat of butter drooling off the plate.”

I wager, friends, you’ll never look at a beef stew the same way again.

We’ve been spending time this fall with some of the superstars of the faith – with saints, with men and women who’ve stared down injustice, who’ve founded schools and changed governments and rescued children and faced martyrdom. And while it’s been inspiring, I hope, there are also times when these men and women can seem so far removed from our own lives – like they are larger-than-life heroes for Christ, who kept the faith and persevered in pivotal moments, while I’m just over here trying to make sure my kids don’t punch each other and that they eat a little protein and maybe even a vegetable before they pull the M&M’s out of the cupboard.

Most of us aren’t trying to figure out what to do with an inheritance of millions. Most of us were never kidnapped into slavery, trying to forgive our captors. Most of us have never been imprisoned because we spoke up against apartheid; and I don’t think any one of us has had to try to figure out how to praise God and love our neighbors in a concentration camp.

Does that mean, then, that our lives are any less important? Does that mean that the stuff we do doesn’t matter?

I don’t think so. I really don’t. Because that’s not how God works; that’s not how the kingdom of God works. The God who called fishermen and tax collectors, the God who fed crowds with a sack lunch, the God who talked about the last and the least and mustard seeds of faith, who took water and bread and wine and made them holy – that’s a God who values ordinary things, and ordinary people, and ordinary lives, and who uses them – uses us – to do extraordinary things.

And that’s the message that today’s saint, Josemaria Escriva, is remembered for. Escriva dedicated his life to the idea that everyone – laity and clergy alike, everyone is called by God, everyone is called to live a holy life, and even ordinary lives are holy ones.

And compared with some of the stories we’ve heard this fall, Escriva’s is a relatively unimpressive one. He was born in Spain the second of six children, the son of a merchant. When his father’s business went bankrupt, the family moved and his father took up a job as a clerk in a clothing store. Young Josemaria began to feel that he was “chosen for something” and, with his family’s blessing, studied and prepared for leadership in the church. And while praying, he “saw” his life’s work, in equipping all people to live holy lives, no matter what shape their life might take. He is remembered as a humble, energetic leader, a man who embraced each present moment, expecting to find God there.

Josemaria Escriva said, “Either we learn to find the Lord in the ordinary everyday life or else we shall never find [the Lord at all]…. God is calling you to serve Him in and from the ordinary, secular and civil activities of human life. He waits for us every day, in the laboratory, in the operating theater, in the army barracks, in the university chair, in the factory, in the workshop, in the fields, in the home and in all the immense panorama of work... Understand this: there is something holy, something divine, hidden in the most ordinary of situations, and it is up to each one of you to discover it…”

There is something sacred in every day – because God is there; in every day, we have an opportunity to love God and to love and serve our neighbors. The trick is learning to see it: to recognize God’s presence, to recognize the opportunities that are before us, and to believe that there is no such thing as an ordinary day any more than there is an ordinary person – every one matters.

Over my years of ministry, I’ve had the opportunity to sit with many families as they celebrate the lives of their loved ones. And more and more, it’s affirmed in me that there is no one way to live a good and faithful life. I’ve stood surrounded by medals and trophies; I’ve stood in rooms full of people in suits with titles and in rooms full of children with scuffed knees and runny noses; I’ve celebrated lives of men and women with more letters after their names than I could remember, and men and women who never finished high school, because life got in the way… I’ve celebrated war heroes and business owners and teachers and moms… and I am reminded, again and again, that it’s all holy, and it all matters: whether we’re establishing foundations and building legacies or whether our legacy consists in years and years of beef stew and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches… when it’s done with love, it all matters; none of it is wasted, and nothing we do, for the sake of our love for God or our love for others, nothing is empty, or ordinary, or lost.

In just a few weeks, we will be celebrating All Saints Sunday: we will be pausing to remember the saints of this community, the people who’ve impacted our lives… and they’ve done so in many ways. And at the same time, on that same day, we’ll be bringing our own commitments, our pledges, to serve God and love our neighbors in the coming year. And I hope that you’ll remember, that we will all remember and believe, that every life, every offering, every little bit really does make a big difference.

Your time matters. Your gifts matter. Your life matters. You are more powerful than you might ever know.

In our scripture for today, Paul writes to the Roman Christians, and he says, “Here’s what I want you to do, with God’s help: Take your everyday, ordinary life – your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life – and offer it to God.” This is the same letter that has given us our theme for this fall: We are all “beloved by God and called to be saints.” Because a saint, after all, is just someone who loves God and loves others, as best they can, every single day, over and over again. And through our lives, faithfully lived, hope is shared, and the world is transformed.

It all matters. May you learn to recognize God’s presence in all your ordinary moments: may your everyday be an expression of persistent and patient love; may you truly believe that it all matters.

God of our waking, God of our resting, God of our work, God of our play, God of our big days, God of our everydays, be with us through it all. May our lives be a living, daily expression of our faith in you; in Christ’s name we pray. Amen.

-----

Barbara Mahany’s amazing book is available many places, including here:

https://www.cokesbury.com/product/9781501827273/motherprayer/?rank=2&txtSearchQuery=motherprayer

1 note · View note

dfroza · 5 years

Text

in Today’s reading we see

how it is wrong for us to seek spiritual things by going in a direction that is apart from Love in its True illumination revealed by the Spirit in the Son:

[To Know Him Personally]

And that’s about it, friends. Be glad in God!

I don’t mind repeating what I have written in earlier letters, and I hope you don’t mind hearing it again. Better safe than sorry—so here goes.

Steer clear of the barking dogs, those religious busybodies, all bark and no bite. All they’re interested in is appearances—knife-happy circumcisers, I call them. The real believers are the ones the Spirit of God leads to work away at this ministry, filling the air with Christ’s praise as we do it. We couldn’t carry this off by our own efforts, and we know it—even though we can list what many might think are impressive credentials. You know my pedigree: a legitimate birth, circumcised on the eighth day; an Israelite from the elite tribe of Benjamin; a strict and devout adherent to God’s law; a fiery defender of the purity of my religion, even to the point of persecuting the church; a meticulous observer of everything set down in God’s law Book.

The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God’s righteousness.

I gave up all that inferior stuff so I could know Christ personally, experience his resurrection power, be a partner in his suffering, and go all the way with him to death itself. If there was any way to get in on the resurrection from the dead, I wanted to do it.

[Focused on the Goal]

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.

So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it.

Stick with me, friends. Keep track of those you see running this same course, headed for this same goal. There are many out there taking other paths, choosing other goals, and trying to get you to go along with them. I’ve warned you of them many times; sadly, I’m having to do it again. All they want is easy street. They hate Christ’s Cross. But easy street is a dead-end street. Those who live there make their bellies their gods; belches are their praise; all they can think of is their appetites.

But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.

The Letter of Philippians, Chapter 3 (The Message)

and paired with this is chapter 47 of Isaiah as a humbling message for all who operate in pride before God (since we all do in some degree)

[The Party’s Over]

“Get off your high horse and sit in the dirt,

virgin daughter of Babylon.

No more throne for you—sit on the ground,

daughter of the Chaldeans.

Nobody will be calling you ‘charming’

and ‘alluring’ anymore. Get used to it.

Get a job, any old job:

Clean gutters, scrub toilets.

Hock your gowns and scarves,

put on overalls—the party’s over.

Your nude body will be on public display,

exposed to vulgar taunts.

It’s vengeance time, and I’m taking vengeance.

No one gets let off the hook.”

[You’re Acting Like the Center of the Universe]

Our Redeemer speaks,

named God-of-the-Angel-Armies, The Holy of Israel:

“Shut up and get out of the way,

daughter of Chaldeans.

You’ll no longer be called

‘First Lady of the Kingdoms.’

I was fed up with my people,

thoroughly disgusted with my progeny.

I turned them over to you,

but you had no compassion.

You put old men and women

to cruel, hard labor.

You said, ‘I’m the First Lady.

I’ll always be the pampered darling.’

You took nothing seriously, took nothing to heart,

never gave tomorrow a thought.

Well, start thinking, playgirl.

You’re acting like the center of the universe,

Smugly saying to yourself, ‘I’m Number One. There’s nobody but me.

I’ll never be a widow, I’ll never lose my children.’

Those two things are going to hit you both at once,

suddenly, on the same day:

Spouse and children gone, a total loss,

despite your many enchantments and charms.

You were so confident and comfortable in your evil life,

saying, ‘No one sees me.’

You thought you knew so much, had everything figured out.

What delusion!

Smugly telling yourself, ‘I’m Number One. There’s nobody but me.’

Ruin descends—

you can’t charm it away.

Disaster strikes—

you can’t cast it off with spells.

Catastrophe, sudden and total—

and you’re totally at sea, totally bewildered!

But don’t give up. From your great repertoire

of enchantments there must be one you haven’t yet tried.

You’ve been at this a long time.

Surely something will work.

I know you’re exhausted trying out remedies,

but don’t give up.

Call in the astrologers and stargazers.

They’re good at this. Surely they can work up something!

“Fat chance. You’d be grasping at straws

that are already in the fire,

A fire that is even now raging.

Your ‘experts’ are in it and won’t get out.

It’s not a fire for cooking venison stew,

not a fire to warm you on a winter night!

That’s the fate of your friends in sorcery, your magician buddies

you’ve been in cahoots with all your life.

They reel, confused, bumping into one another.

None of them bother to help you.”

The Scroll of Isaiah, Chapter 47 (The Message)

to be continued on an encouraging note from Today’s Psalm about the True nature of Creation and its wonder:

When I gaze to the skies and meditate on Your creation—

on the moon, stars, and all You have made,

I can’t help but wonder why You care about mortals—

sons and daughters of men—

specks of dust floating about the cosmos.

But You placed the son of man just beneath God

and honored him like royalty, crowning him with glory and honor.

You ordained him to govern the works of Your hands,

to nurture the offspring of Your divine imagination;

You placed everything on earth beneath his feet:

All kinds of domesticated animals,

even the wild animals in the fields and forests,

The birds of the sky and the fish of the sea,

all the multitudes of living things that travel the currents of the oceans.

O Eternal, our Lord,

Your majestic name is heard throughout the earth.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 8:3-9 (The Voice)

and a portion from Proverbs 8 as well:

The Eternal created me; it happened when His work was beginning,

one of His first acts long ago.

Before time He established me,

before the earth saw its first sunrise.

I was born before the deep existed,

before any springs poured out their water,

Before the mountains were placed on their foundations,

before the hills rolled across the land—

yes, before all this, I was brought forth.

When the earth was yet unformed and the fields were not yet nestled beneath the wind—

even before the first dust of the earth—

When He created the heavens, I was there.

When He drew a circle in the deep, dividing the oceans and the sky, I was there.

I was there when He established the sky.

I was there when the springs in the deep were fortified;

I witnessed Him lay down the shore as a boundary

and put limits on the water

And determine the foundations of the earth.

All this time I was close beside Him, a master craftsman.

Every day I was His delightful companion,

celebrating every minute in His presence,

Elated by the world He was making and all its fine creatures;

I was especially pleased with humanity.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 8:22-31 (The Voice)

to be concluded by Philippians 3:1 as read above in The Message yet in The Voice translation:

It is time that I wrap up these thoughts to you, my brothers and sisters. Rejoice in the Lord! (I don’t mind writing these things over and over to you, as I know it keeps you safe.)

my reading in the Scriptures for the 8th of july, day 18 of Summer and day 189 of the year:

0 notes

ar3volut1on · 7 years

Text

Well, I had this planned for last night but the weather had other plans, it knocked out our power most of the night. So I stewed a little longer over it, not a problem really. So anyway here goes.

Last night our preacher taught on 1 Thessalonians 4, a great passage I must say. I usually take notes, jot down ideas, verse references etc. during the lesson and I’m telling you that the pen never left my hand. God was speaking to me, leading me to speak to you about this. Someone out there must need to hear this. Cause God knows his own and he knows when one of us in need of something. But he doesn’t always say it directly to us, maybe he knows we are too tied up in the situation to hear him, or maybe he knows the message bearer will benefit from the message as well, maybe he just likes to give us something real and meaningful to do, who knows. All I know is he has laid it on my heart to write about this and well I’m not in to disobeying my Lord.

Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. 1 Thessalonians 4:1

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; Philippians 1:27

That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory. 1 Thessalonians 2:12

Our calling is an upward calling, holy and pure, and God makes it very clear to those who will hear him how we as followers of Christ are to present ourselves to the world. We are the Lord’s hands and feet here on earth and we should always bear this in mind and walk worthy of being called to serve our King.

For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 4:2

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Matthew 22:37-39

The Lord himself gave us the two greatest commandments, ones that when we make them the foundation of our lives we will never stray from the path he has set before us. For when we love God with all we are then we live to please our Father in heaven, and when we love our neighbor as ourselves then we will treat one another just as Jesus treated his brethern and neighbors, with love abounding and overflowing. We will also present ourselves to the world as followers of Christ, following in his footsteps, allowing him to change our old stony hearts that wallowed in sin, mire, and misery into tender, pure, overflowing hearts that reflect his love and ways back into the world. That means we not only love as he did but we also act as he did – we reject sin, turn from it choosing instead to follow the one who died to take that sin from us.

For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: 1 Thessalonians 4:3

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:27Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: Colossians 3:5

As true believers no matter how vile and sinful we were before trusting in the Lord once we allow him into our hearts to work that wondrous change we no longer desire those old lusts and snares. We can resist the temptations the devil once bound us with and stand strong in the power and might of our Lord and Savior knowing that old slewfoot and his vile lies and lusts have no hold on us any longer. We are no longer of this world, but above it. No longer bound by sin, held in it’s chains, a slave to the lies and treachery – we are FREED! Freed by the death of Christ on the cross, bought and paid for by the only one who could love us so much he would suffer, die and ultimately rise from the grave the third day that you and I might be set free, made whole, restored to rightness with God in heaven. That we might accept grace.

That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; 1 Thessalonians 4:4

I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness. Romans 6:19

We are changed, made new and brought into relationship with God, with his Son, and through this we begin to know right from wrong in the truest sense. Not man’s sense but God’s! We understand how we ought to behave and act, we understand that we live a higher calling, we exist to please and serve God, and his ways are always pure, just and true. He never leads us to fall back into our old paths for the old man is dead and gone, replaced by the love of his Son, cleansed through his precious blood!

Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: 1 Thessalonians 4:5

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: Colossians 3:5

This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Ephesians 4:17-18

Awake to righteousness, and sin not; for some have not the knowledge of God: I speak this to your shame. 1 Corinthians 15:34

I find the repentance part of our salvation to be the most fascinating. See before I accepted Christ that was the part that kept me from him, my sin, I didn’t want to be told what to do, I was in rebellion, rejecting the only real hope I had. I wanted to continue doing the things I did, Satan had me believing I loved rushing headlong down that highway straight to an eternity in the lake of fire. Even though I wasn’t raised to know God, didn’t go to church, never read the Bible, my parents never prayed with us or for us but it didn’t matter because deep in my heart I knew that there was hope somewhere. For the first 30 years or so of my life I was lost, my soul was under torment as the devil tried to steal it and I was to blind in my ignorance to see what was happening, I couldn’t hear the voice telling me wait there’s a better way, I love you, I can save you. No instead I spent my waking hours in sin and my sleep, well the little of it I got was a foretaste of where I was headed. But finally the sweetest voice broke through the sheer cachophony and I heard the most amazing words I’ve ever heard “It’s ok, I love you, I’ve always loved you and always will. I will never leave or forsake you child for you are mine. I made you because I wanted you, I love you in spite of all you’ve done because I know all you have yet to do, all I created you to do and it is glorious! Will you trust me? Come to me? Let me wash those wounds from sin that are destroying you away, I never made you to suffer and hurt like this, I made you to love and be loved, to bless and be blessed, to share eternity with my Father and I as our own.”

That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. 1 Thessalonians 4:6

In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ: 2 Thessalonians 1:8

I answered that voice, I accepted the most amazing and wonderful gift, allowed the most incredible man who ever lived into my heart to change my life forever. On that day I experienced real love, pure love. Love so breathtaking it broke my rock hard heart of stone, dashed it right to smithereens and replaced it with a heart that brimmed, spilled, with love for my Savior, my Father. I longed to please Him, to be who he always intended me to be, do as he would have me do. I rejoiced as I gave him my heart, all of it. That joy overflowed in me, turned my anger, hurt and fear into love pure and true. Suddenly I was free to truly love others, I knew how to because Jesus had shown me how. Never again would I willfully mislead or hurt a brother or sister in this world, never again would I be led onto that oh so common path of the world to put myself before others, before my Savior. No instead I love, even when they make it hard, cause I know that no sin is worse than my sin and that love is the only way they will ever let the scales fall from their eyes, let Jesus into their lives, have their Damascus road moment. I have to show them the love he showed me.

For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. 1 Thessalonians 4:7

For I am the LORD your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy: neither shall ye defile yourselves with any manner of creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. Leviticus 11:44

I was no longer consumed with hate for the world, hate that disguised itself as lust, as anger, as greed, really it all boils down to hate and I had been a willing slave to it for far too long. But no longer, from that day forward I was set free. I knew whose I was and who I served and it was not this world or it’s prince, not ever again! I knew true love then, selfless love that puts others first, finding the pure joy of serving those the Lord has seen fit to bless me with. Whether it is something as simple as getting up early to back my husbands lunch allowing him a few extra minutes of rest each day, having his coffee ready when he comes in the kitchen, fixing his favorite meal when I know he’s had a busy day. Or choosing to homeschool our son because I want to answer the Lord’s call that we train him up in the way he should go, teaching him to love God with all his heart from the beginning, to hide the word of the Lord in his heart and teach him the ways of God even though we face resistance, persecution, rejection from many in our lives, it doesn’t matter because God’s word is clear that parents are to raise their children to fear him, know him, love him. Mine did not do that and I suffered for 33 years because of their decisions, I will not make that mistake with my precious gift from God, the son he has entrusted into my care to raise for Him. In spite of the way those who should share our joy instead hate it and us I no longer share their worldly feelings, I no longer hate them, I love them, they don’t know the truth, their eyes are blinded, they are filled with stubborn pride but I love them anyway. My heart breaks for their wretched condition, just as the Lord’s does for he loves them even more that I do.

He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 4:8

He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me. Luke 10:16

But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. 1 Corinthians 2:10

I know now that hating one of God’s children is the same as hating God. God is love, not hate. True he is also just and has shown the world his just wrath when it rejects him, when we spit in his face screaming leave me alone well he will, but we will ultimately regret getting our way. He has judged before and will again one final time, there’s no escaping it, the world will face his judgement for their rejection of him. But I am not the judge for God, vengeance is His and his alone, for he alone searches and knows all hearts. I am just called to share his love that great and glorious news with the lost and dying world in the hopes that they will see and hear truth.

But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. 1 Thessalonians 4:9

But of the times and the seasons, brethren, ye have no need that I write unto you. 1 Thessalonians 5:1

And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jeremiah 31:34

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Matthew 22:39

As followers in Christ we are called to share the good news and love… love God, love our brothers, love! It’s that simple, and that hard. Cause love isn’t always pretty, easy. Sometimes it’s tough, sometimes it’s hard, it hurts like a surgery that ultimately mends it hurts as it is healing. Love can be like that, it has to be tough sometimes to get through the lies, the sin, to find the heart. But even if we have to show tough love, we are called to show love. Trust the Lord to lead us, to fill us, praying always that we serve and honor him with our lives, bringing him all the praise and glory.

And indeed ye do it toward all the brethren which are in all Macedonia: but we beseech you, brethren, that ye increase more and more; 1 Thessalonians 4:10

So that ye were ensamples to all that believe in Macedonia and Achaia. 1 Thessalonians 1:7

When His honor and glory are our purpose, our goals then we know we are serving him and that he will bring the increase in our lives. We just have to invite him in, let him be our Lord.

And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; 1 Thessalonians 4:11

For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. 2 Thessalonians 3:11

I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Ephesians 4:28

That way he can lead us and we will live lives pleasing to him, fulfilling the purpose God has for us. We will no longer be consumed with the spirit of laziness, expecting others to do for us what we ought to do for ourselves. We ought instead to work hard, laboring to serve those who can’t labor, working to provide for our families as well as those in need. I think it is clear here that those in need are not those unwilling to work, but those unable to. It’s clear we are to work if we are able, God has given us that ability from the beginning, that purpose that we work with our hands, that we till the soil, provide our bread, etc. He also tells us to be generous with the rewards he bless our labor with too, to share our abundance with those who lack the ability to do the same. If all who are able to work do the work the Lord calls them too willingly, sharing the results cheerfully then we will bless those unable to work with their hands, to till the soil or labor physically and we will show them the love of the Lord.

That ye may walk honestly toward them that are without, and that ye may have lack of nothing. 1 Thessalonians 4:12

Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. Romans 13:13

Walking With God Well, I had this planned for last night but the weather had other plans, it knocked out our power most of the night.

#change #faith #freedom #God #jesus #king #love #peace #rest #sin #thessalonians

1 note · View note

sayhitobel · 6 years

Text

How are you waiting?

9 June 2018

As I write this I’m waiting for lunchtime to come; it doesn’t exactly help that my stomach is grumbling in reminder of my longing to wolf down some warm food on this rainy day.

Of course no amount of being satisfied with fleshly desires can compare to the hope I have found in Christ.

Half a year ago, I decided to give my life to worship, prayer and seeing nations come together in true unity, lifting up the Name above all names. I should have known, that it was the easy part. What comes after is perhaps an almost decade-long process of staying faithful to the path marked for me. To be tested and tried by trial and fire.

I have been really inspired by the writings and thoughts of forerunners like Josh Yeoh and Jason Chua. My heart burns along with them when I read about staying the course through the normal and mundane, and that true waiting desires no reward for it.

My biblical superhero in this aspect is, not surprisingly, John the Baptist. He faithfully stayed in the wilderness 30 years before his ministry. And when it was finally time for him to make his appearance before men, wow, this man was burning with passion because he was totally consumed with the truth of God.

Yet there is a story of another man who insisted on doing things his own way.

1 Sam 13:18-14

"He waited seven days, the time appointed by Samuel. But Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and the people were scattering from him. So Saul said, “Bring the burnt offering here to me, and the peace offerings.” And he offered the burnt offering. As soon as he had finished offering the burnt offering, behold, Samuel came. And Saul went out to meet him and greet him. Samuel said, “What have you done?” And Saul said, “When I saw that the people were scattering from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines had mustered at Michmash, I said, ‘Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the favor of the Lord.’ So I forced myself, and offered the burnt offering.” And Samuel said to Saul, “You have done foolishly. You have not kept the command of the Lord your God, with which he commanded you. For then the Lord would have established your kingdom over Israel forever. But now your kingdom shall not continue. The Lord has sought out a man after his own heart, and the Lord has commanded him to be prince over his people, because you have not kept what the Lord commanded you.” "

What a pity that a moment of folly cost Saul his kingdom. I am reminded of how intentional I must be to continually count the cost and pay the price.

WAIT TO WAIT

I’ve learnt that you can be willing to be sent but the true test is when God first calls you to the wilderness to see if you got what it takes to wait. Most people celebrate momentous milestones like saying 'yes' to be sent out as a missionary or surrendering everything to Him at the altar, but don’t realise that the period of waiting for doors to open is just as significant.

God is the God of the process and He seeks children who are willing to be like Him in this way. If God didn’t have a great plan for my life, I don’t think He would be so invested in pruning and moulding me in the waiting room. It takes courage to be still and know that He is God. I don’t wish to sell my birthright for a pot of stew- things in the present- and regret it after. I will only move at His voice, even if it means labouring in spiritual disciplines to build my spirit up. This nation won’t be built by the people standing on stages but those down on their knees. Yes, an entire generation will be the 'voice of one crying in the desert'.

SECURITY IN SEASON

To be in the wilderness also means saying 'no' to opportunities that might come my way in this season. Opportunities for the stage, platform or even influence. True leaders don’t need to command people to follow them; their lives are that faith statement which draws people to imitate them as they imitate Christ.

Looking back on the preceding months, I see how God weaved together my story to bring me to where I am right now. I declined a couple of requests to participate in / lead stuff with an unexplainable feeling of assurance that I was doing the right thing. Even when I was not included in committees for events etc, I was surprisingly not too bothered.

My heart’s desire is to understand that the point is not to recognise who is stacking chairs or leading the meeting. Rather, it’s the Who whom we seek to glorify. Every subsequent 'no' may or may not get easier, but I would gladly boast in my weakness that His power be made perfect in me. I strongly believe that in this season ahead, I will be further humbled by my Father and learn what it means again to be nameless and faceless, and chasing after nothing but to grasp His love for me.

LORD MY PORTION

Being called out there means embracing a life of solitude. Although I am constantly surrounded by brothers and sisters but this is still my own path to walk and life to live. A confused me once asked my pastor why community is emphasised so much in church, while biblical greats like Elijah and Esther often operate alone. Yet I was somewhat heartened by his one word reply of "seasons".

I trust that God sets me apart before he elevates me to a place of being able and ready to be seen by many. In low moments ahead, in times where I feel no one understands, I pray that my heart will be found anchored in the simplicity of His love for me. The wilderness may be lonely, but I know that I am not alone.

Isn’t our whole life a process of waiting for the Lord to return? The beauty of waiting can be seen when we realise that this is a physical representation of how all the earth groans and yearns for the sons of God! Above all, I pray that it may still be well with me if the only thing I get out of wasting my life on waiting is enjoying His presence and tasting the sweetness of this Love that surpasses all height and depth.

I constantly ask myself: how am I waiting? It is a tall order- to take the mundane and find joy in it. But not so with God who empowers me and sustains me by His grace alone. Waiting isn’t just doing nothing; in the absence of activity I believe it is a good time to come before the Lord in prayer, sharpening our swords and weapons to be ready for the day our Commander calls upon us to go out and fight.

Heb 6:12

"so that you may not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises."

So I’d choose this struggle over any other, any day.

0 notes

frederickwiddowson · 6 years

Text

Blood - sermon notes (revised)

I want to discuss two definitions of family and the blood that connects them both. I want to talk about those definitions and blood. Yes, blood. Our blood that connects us to our loved ones and Christ’s blood that connects us to our Creator are worthy of thought.

The first definition of a family is that a family consists of people with whom you share blood or who live together under a roof even if they are not related. You know; genes, DNA, blood. It is typically made up of a mother, a father, and children that issued from them. In past times when men died young and women died in childbirth often it would consist of step-children, half-children, adopted children, and blood children. In modern times, this is the normal way of families by choice as people get divorced and change spouses as often as they change fashions, or so it can seem. But, family also consists of step-children, half-children, adopted children, and blood children with a parent or with two parents or sometimes another relative or relatives all living together or united by having lived together at some point.

It’s a mistake to downplay the importance of blood. I made that mistake and it has hurt me and took the life of someone I loved dearly. Let me explain. I didn’t think of blood as being very important a long time ago. I grew up in a family that did little but fight and argue with parents that were unaccepting of me and each other, even though they bestowed material blessings on each other and myself abundantly. Also, I was never very popular, due to my personality maybe, among the majority of my extended family of cousins, aunts, and uncles and even grandparents. So, for me, a family had to be a choice, not something that happened to you by accident. I had two biological daughters and I loved my daughters but I lacked that sense of duty that my grandfather told my mother once was the reason he was hospitable to us; it was his duty, he said. I just didn’t get it like most people do. Most people regard blood as very important. I still have trouble with that. My experiences with blood relations had not been, well, very satisfying and I freely take the blame for much of that as I am not an easy person to like.

So, to me, when I met Beth, and fell in love, marrying a woman with 9 kids wasn’t a sacrifice. I didn’t leap over something or have to ignore anything. I wasn’t worried about what my kids wouldn’t have or about any possible conflicts. I loved Beth and, in my fallible way, I loved her children, particularly the ones that took to me right away so it was no sacrifice or tough decision to marry her.

However, there was one thing I was missing. That was how important blood or not being blood would be to those children and my own, and my birth family. Now, understand I was a bit of tyrant or a grouch and was neither a good step-parent or parent from the position of what I know now so I had other issues with my parenting than just ignorance. One step-son eventually said in retrospect that I acted more like an angry employee than a father and he was right.

My oldest biological daughter grew up in an environment where I repeated my own father’s mistakes, as I seemed to stew in confusion and anger most of the time when I didn’t have a beer in my hand. On top of all that my daughter craved a relationship with her biological mother. This mother rejected her twice and threatened her life once for not calling her “mommy.” Beth was her step-mother and my daughter was the one who actually proposed that I marry Beth and kept asking, as a three year old, “When us gettin’ married?” but when she got older she still longed to know and be loved and accepted by a biological mother who simply did not want her, regardless of my daughter’s love for her, and took her frustration at not getting that acceptance from her birth mother out on Beth. That lack of feeling on my part and my lack of understanding of how badly my oldest daughter and my step-sons needed their biological parent who shared their gender and their DNA simply showed my own callousness and weakness of mind and heart.

But, even if I had been a wonderful person, a great father-figure, and a true encourager and supporter of my children and step-children, it would have been incumbent upon me and it is important for every parent, step-parent, and adoptive parent not to be angry or hurt when a child seeks out some kind of closure or acceptance from a biological parent, no matter what a jerk or what a worthless loser they might be. Do not underestimate the power of blood. If you ignore it that will be to your detriment and to the harm of your children, and not all of them will feel this way, but to the harm of your children and step-children who feel that need to connect, at least for closure, and possibly for acceptance with that biological parent.

Just think of the issues of blood in recent history; the Turkish massacre of the Armenians in WWI, the Holocaust, racial slavery and Jim Crow laws in the U.S., a Civil War where brother fought brother and father fought against son, Bosnian-Serbian atrocities, and even the Hatfields and McCoys. You’re not in my tribe. You’re not my blood. You’re an OTHER. On and on, blood causes issues. Anger. Rage. Murder even. But definitely pain. Remember David made a great slaughter of the Geshurites. See 1Samuel 27:8,9. He took the daughter of the king, made her his wife, and had a son, Absalom, by her. A son by another wife raped Absalom’s sister and Absalom killed him and fled to his maternal family’s protection. Forty years after the initial massacre, and people are always arguing about what that forty years means but it seems obvious to me, Absalom returned and rebelled (2Samuel 15:7 and context) against David causing great sorrow and pain for David, nearly costing him his kingdom and his life. This was permitted by God because David committed adultery with Bathsheba and murdered her husband, Uriah, by the sword of the Ammonites. We all know the story. Blood is important.

I only recently learned this. Years after my daughter’s suicide things started to come clear. My mother, in a way, rejected my surviving biological daughter, her children, and my step-children and none of the latter want anything to do with her as she sits in a home for the elderly. Beth explained to me how my oldest daughter needed some kind of closure with her biological mother, some kind of acceptance and that final rejection, not long before she committed suicide, was probably a cause, one cause, of her final act. I didn’t get it, though.

I went through a lot of questioning, trying to understand why my daughter wanted so badly to be accepted by a mother who rejected her and also why my stepsons needed to connect with their biological extended family who had not been involved in their lives. I just didn’t get it. Finally, I read a story on the internet about a step-father who provided everything for his step-daughter, trying to buy his place to replace her father who was worthless. When she wanted her biological father to give her away at her wedding the step-father was paying for he exploded and canceled everything he was doing and left the girl and her mother. He was not appreciated or respected for his efforts. I thought, what an idiot, what a selfish dolt, to not respect the power of blood and the need for his step-daughter to be walked down the aisle, to be approved of, to have her life’s choice affirmed by her blood Dad. Then, I cried. That man was me or could have been. What I realized was that I had been as blind as the man I was condemning, and just as stupid. Blood is important even though I have pretty great relationship with most of my step-children. Some even love me. I have a good relationship with most of them and they have all been very kind and generous to me, plus, they have all turned out to be really good people thanks to God and their mother. My remaining biological daughter, whom I am very proud of, loves only Beth as her mother and never had an attachment to her biological mother who did not want her either.

Now, let’s look at another definition of family. In one regard, a family consists of people who share your blood and a family can consist of people who would shed their blood for you. Numerous studies have been done and books even written about how in combat, soldiers don’t give their lives for the flag, the Constitution, apple pie, or mom. They give their lives for their comrades. The surviving heroes often say they just wanted the guys they were with to be able to go home. Soldiers who come home can get stressed out and even go berserk thinking of the guilt they have for leaving their buddies back in harm’s way or even surviving while others who they think of as good or better than they are died and they didn’t. It tears them up. That is a powerful family that war can create.

In English Literature there are few greater declarations of shed blood and shared blood outside of the Bible than Shakespeare’s play Henry V and the famous St. Crispin’s Day speech that preluded the Battle of Agincourt where he rallied the outnumbered English against a superior French army. In it, King Henry says,

“…We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother…”

We must also remember that we are in the family of God by virtue of Christ shedding His blood on the Cross for us. We are united by blood, but His, not ours. You can have 20 children, physical children, but the only ones who will go to Heaven are the ones who join that family. Paul says in the third chapter of Ephesians.

14 ¶ For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,

God has adopted us and this adoption is more sure than a normal birth. It can never be broken promising a type of body that can never die.

Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father….23 And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.

Jesus Himself extended the meaning of family in relation to Him in the passage starting in Matthew 12:46;

46 ¶ While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him. 47 Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. 48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? 49 And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! 50 For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.

In Revelation the prime characteristic of the end-time martyrs and, indeed, all Christians of all times, is to be their willingness to shed their blood for Christ as they are slandered by Satan continually.

Revelation 12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night. 11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

For the key element in a life for Christ is not holding that life to be greater than the one who gave it. Paul says in Philippians 3;

7 But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ. 8 Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,

9 ¶ And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: 10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; 11 If by any means I might attain unto (means understand or wrap my mind around; see Psalm 139:6 and Proverbs 1:5) the resurrection of the dead. 12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect (complete and entire; see Colossians 4:12, James 1:4): but I follow after, if that I may apprehend (to know, perceive, or understand) that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Christ paid for the church, purchased, bought us with His own blood.

Acts 20:28 Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.

1Corinthians 6:20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.

1Corinthians 7:23 Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.

The blood that unites believers with God creates a stronger real bond that any other type of family blood. The proof is the promise of eternal life. When we receive Christ we receive the Holy Spirit, His Spirit, indwelling us, as earnest money, a deposit on our inheritance in eternity and the redemption of our bodies.

Ephesians 1:3 ¶ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: 4 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: 5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, 6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. 7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace; 8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence; 9 Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself: 10 That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him: 11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will: 12 That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ. 13 In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, 14 Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.

Make no mistake. We are in a war as Henry’s English archers were and as American soldiers, marines, airman, and sailors in every battle from Brandywine to the Argonne Forest to the deserts of Afghanistan. But our warfare is never carnal with bombs and planes and bullets. It is spiritual against sin and disobedience to God within us.

2Corinthians 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; 6 And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

And it is our union by way of Christ’s blood that makes us an eternal family, unites Jew and Gentile into the church of God, and makes each one of us a temple for God’s Spirit to dwell in.

Ephesians 2:11 ¶ Wherefore remember, that ye being in time past Gentiles in the flesh, who are called Uncircumcision by that which is called the Circumcision in the flesh made by hands; 12 That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world: 13 But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ.

14 ¶ For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the middle wall of partition between us; 15 Having abolished in his flesh the enmity, even the law of commandments contained in ordinances; for to make in himself of twain one new man, so making peace; 16 And that he might reconcile both unto God in one body by the cross, having slain the enmity thereby: 17 And came and preached peace to you which were afar off, and to them that were nigh. 18 For through him we both have access by one Spirit unto the Father. 19 Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God; 20 And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; 21 In whom all the building fitly framed together groweth unto an holy temple in the Lord: 22 In whom ye also are builded together for an habitation of God through the Spirit.

The earthly family spends its time seeking its own, worshipping Self, and demanding what it believes is its due. The heavenly family fights against sin and rebellion against God in its own soul and worships Christ, surrendering Self to Him while being willing for the Creator of the universe to work through them on earth.

Mark 8:34 And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

We have been born again, the second time into a family who will enjoy each other’s fellowship for eternity, who will not dispute each other there, who will cause no pain to each other, who will not shun each other’s company, or form cliques to push aside ones they don’t like or approve of, as human families do. This family is not based on our blood but on God’s own blood and we will be like Christ.

We would do well even now to love our heavenly family as we are compelled to do in the Bible. Paul gives us several commands of particular importance regarding our relationships within the church. Read Romans, chapter 12 and 1Thessalonians 5. Remember, we are going to be with each other and the people from the Baptist church down the road and the people from the Vietnamese church in the jungles of Southeast Asia and the Liberian church in West Africa FOR EVER and we would do well to get along with each other now. This family is based on Christ’s blood, not our own, and we will answer to Him for our treatment of each other in this family as well as in our earthly family.

There are two things that should stand out in our rules concerning our treatment of each other that are not often talked about. One, if you are what Discovery channel or Animal Planet people call an “Alpha male” or an “Alpha female” leave it at home. There is no place for your dominating attitude within the body of Christ. Neither is their room for your self-righteousness in thinking that anyone who has not accepted and applied to their own lives your convictions is less than you. Think of these things in both your relationship with your spouse and children and in your relationship with your church family.

Romans 12:1 ¶ I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. 4 For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: 5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another. 6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; 7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching; 8 Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness. 9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. 10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; 12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; 13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality. 14 Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. 15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. 16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. 17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. 18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. 21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

The other is, don’t even let someone get the wrong idea about what you are doing or your intentions toward them. Evil can be sinful iniquity or it can be malicious intent, malice, depending on the context. In the following it can go either way. Again, these things apply to both families.

1Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.

For either definition of evil don’t give someone the opportunity to think you are doing something sinful and don’t give someone the opportunity to think you have malice in your heart toward them.

And remember that family that God gave you here on earth, the one that consists of your blood and perhaps a step-child or adopted children? They are your first church, with father as pastor, or in some cases mother, when no father is present. You need to devote yourself to presenting Christ to them in the most God-glorifying way possible. Examine yourself. Are you presenting yourself as a Christian to them while you display these godless traits in your speech and behavior?

Romans 1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

So you clearly have responsibilities toward your blood family, your adopted children, your step-children that have direct implications and consequences in eternity. But, there are also, as I pointed out, responsibilities that have as great implications for the family you are in by virtue of your second birth, the family created not by your blood, but by Christ’s.

Remember, as you love your earthly family, even the unsaved among them, that you are called to also love your heavenly family. Do you love each other? Can you even say that you love God?

1John 4:20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

In the Bible the word charity is a reference to the quality of a Christian’s love for his brothers and sisters in Christ.

Colossians 3:12 ¶ Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

1Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging.10 As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

2Peter 1:5 ¶ And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

Now, I want to finish with keeping that definition of charity in mind and I want you to contemplate this chapter in your future relations with your family in Christ.

1Corinthians 13:1 ¶ Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4 ¶ Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 ¶ Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

If you don’t love other Christians, don’t kid yourself into saying you love God. It’s a contradiction.

0 notes

pamphletstoinspire · 7 years

Photo

The Prophecy of Joel - From The Latin Vulgate Bible

Chapter 3

INTRODUCTION.

Joel, whose name, according to St. Jerome, signifies the Lord God, (or, as others say, the coming down of God) prophesied about the same time in the kingdom of Juda as Osee did in the kingdom of Israel. He foretells, under figures, the great evils that were coming upon the people for their sins; earnestly exhorts them to repentance, and comforts them with the promise of a teacher of justice, viz., Christ Jesus, our Lord, and of the coming down of his Holy Spirit (Challoner) upon the hundred and twenty faithful assembled in Sion. [Acts i. 15. and ii. 4.] He describes the land of the twelve tribes made desolate, and the people cast off. (St. Jerome ad Paulin.) --- Yet he speaks chiefly of the kingdom of Juda, and mentions the house of God, sacrifices, &c. (Worthington) --- St. Jerome infers from his being placed after Osee, without any fresh title, (Calmet) that he lived in that order of time. (Worthington) --- But this rule is not general, as Jonas lived before Amos; and [the] Septuagint observe not the same disposition of the prophets as we do. The exact time of the famine, when Joel prophesied, cannot be ascertained. It seems he addressed the people in autumn, when a second year's famine was apprehended. He paints every thing with great force and beauty of style. (Calmet)

Chapter 3

The Lord shall judge all nations in the valley of Josaphat. The evils that shall fall upon the enemies of God's people: his blessing upon the Church of the saints.

1 For behold in those days, and in that time when I shall bring back the captivity of Juda, and Jerusalem:

Notes & Commentary:

Ver. 1. Back. The people were just returned when the nations around fell upon them, and were miraculously defeated. (Theodoret) --- We shall follow the system respecting Gog, given [in] Ezechiel xxxviii. (Calmet) --- Most people, with St. Jerome, suppose that the general judgment is described, though some explain it of the captives delivered from their enemies. (Worthington)

2 I will gather together all nations, and will bring them down into the valley of Josaphat: and I will plead with them there for my people, and for my inheritance, Israel, whom they have scattered among the nations, and have parted my land.

Ver. 2. Josaphat, "the judgment of the Lord," (Haydock) marks the place where the Judge will sit, on the east of Jerusalem, between the temple and Olivet, whence our Lord ascended into heaven. (Worthington) --- There also he had been seized and treated contumeliously. (Haydock) --- But many of the Fathers assert that the whole world will be the scene of judgment, and the first author who determines the situation of Josaphat, is one in the works of Ven. Bede. Here it may denote the great plain reaching from Carmel to the Jordan, where the army of Cambyses perished with its chief. People of almost all nations were there, Ezechiel xxxviii. --- Land. The Chaldeans, now governed by a Persian, had scattered the Jews, and the Idumeans had seized part of their land.

3 And they have cast lots upon my people: and the boy they have put in the stews, and the girl they have sold for wine, that they might drink.

Ver. 3. Boy, to gratify their brutal passions; (Lamentations v.) or, they have exchanged such for harlots, (Calmet) and paid the latter with captive boys. (Septuagint) (Haydock)

4 But what have you to do with me, O Tyre, and Sidon, and all the coast of the Philistines? will you revenge yourselves on me? and if you revenge yourselves on me, I will very soon return you a recompense upon your own head.

Ver. 4. Me. These cities and nations had rejoiced at the ruin of the Jews, Ezechiel xxv. (Calmet) --- Coast. Septuagint, "Galilee of strangers." (Haydock)

5 For you have taken away my silver, and my gold: and my desirable, and most beautiful things you have carried into your temples.

Ver. 5. Temples, or palaces. The Chaldeans had done so, and perhaps had sold some to others.

6 And the children of Juda, and the children of Jerusalem, you have sold to the children of the Greeks, that you might remove them far off from their own country.

Ver. 6. Greeks: the Ionians carried on such a traffic, Ezechiel xxvii. 13. Tyre and the Philistines were ready to sell, Ezechiel xxvi. 2., and xxv. 15.

7 Behold, I will raise them up out of the place wherein you have sold them: and I will return your recompense upon your own heads.

Ver. 7. Them, particularly under Hystaspes and Artaxerxes.

8 And I will sell your sons, and your daughters, by the hands of the children of Juda, and they shall sell them to the Sabeans, a nation far off, for the Lord hath spoken it.

Ver. 8. Sabeans; probably at the bottom of Arabia. (Calmet) --- Thirty thousand Tyreans were sold by Alexander. (Arrian ii.) --- The Jews would not fail to purchase. (Calmet)

9 Proclaim ye this among the nations: prepare war, rouse up the strong: let them come, let all the men of war come up.

Ver. 9. Prepare. Literally, "sanctify." (Haydock) --- God sends Cambyses to chastise Egypt. His turn will then come.

10 Cut your plough-shares into swords, and your spades into spears. Let the weak say: I am strong.

Ver. 10. No explanation given.

11 Break forth, and come, all ye nations from round about, and gather yourselves together: there will the Lord cause all thy strong ones to fall down.

Ver. 11. Down. Many perished in Egypt, the rest in Judea, ver. 2.

12 Let them arise, and let the nations come up into the valley of Josaphat: for there I will sit to judge all nations round about.

Ver. 12. Valley, at Jezrahel, the valley of destruction, ver. 14.

13 Put ye in the sickles, for the harvest is ripe: come and go down, for the press is full, the fats run over: for their wickedness is multiplied.

Ver. 13. Harvest, the time of vengeance, Matthew xiii. 30., and Apocalypse xiv. 15. (Calmet)

14 Nations, nations in the valley of destruction: for the day of the Lord is near in the valley of destruction.

Ver. 14. Nations. Hebrew hamonim, "multitudes." (Haydock) --- This alludes to the place Amona, where Gog was buried, Ezechiel xxx. 15, 18. (Calmet) --- Septuagint, "sounds have been heard in the vale of justice," where sentence has been pronounced and executed. (Haydock) --- The repetition of peoples and destruction, shews the crowds (Haydock) which shall be judged and cut in pieces like fuel for the fire, Psalm cxxviii. 4. (Worthington)

15 The sun and the moon are darkened, and the stars have withdrawn their shining.

Ver. 15. Shining. All shall be amazed at the fall of Cambyses, chap. ii. 30., and Ezechiel xxviii. 30. A storm shall overwhelm his army. (Calmet)

16 And the Lord shall roar out of Sion, and utter his voice from Jerusalem: and the heavens and the earth shall be moved, and the Lord shall be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel.

Ver. 16. Roar, in thunder, Jeremias xxv. 30., and Amos i. 2. (Haydock)

17 And you shall know that I am the Lord your God, dwelling in Sion, my holy mountain: and Jerusalem shall be holy, and strangers shall pass through it no more.

Ver. 17. No more, for a long time. Antiochus and the Romans again profaned the temple. But the Church of Christ is always holy.

18 And it shall come to pass in that day, that the mountains shall drop down sweetness, and the hills shall flow with milk: and waters shall flow through all the rivers of Juda: and a fountain shall come forth of the house of the Lord, and shall water the torrent of thorns.

Ver. 18. Sweetness; oil and honey. (Calmet) --- Fountain, &c., viz., the fountain of grace in the Church militant, and of glory in the Church triumphant; which shall water the torrent or valley of thorns, that is, the souls that before, like barren ground, brought forth nothing but thorns, or that were afflicted with the thorns of crosses and tribulations. (Challoner) --- Septuagint have, "bands." Hebrew shittim. (Haydock) --- Abundance shall ensue after the death of Cambyses, as a figure of the graces which shall be granted to Christians, Ezechiel xlvii. 2.

19 Egypt shall be a desolation, and Edom a wilderness destroyed: because they have done unjustly against the children of Juda, and have shed innocent blood in their land.

Ver. 19. Desolation. Cambyses laid it waste for three years, as Ochus did afterwards. --- Edom. Judas and Hircan punished them for their former barbarity, Psalm cxxxvi. 7., and 2 Machabees x. 16., and Ezechiel xxv. 12. (Calmet)

20 And Judea shall be inhabited for ever, and Jerusalem to generation and generation.

Ver. 20. Judea and Jerusalem. That is, the spiritual Jerusalem, viz., the Church of Christ. (Challoner) --- Judea was unmolested for a considerable time.

21 And I will cleanse their blood, which I had not cleansed: and the Lord will dwell in Sion.

Ver. 21. Which must be supplied in Hebrew. The Idumeans had been spared for a long time. But they shall not escape. (Chaldean, &c.) (Calmet) --- The rites of the law could not purify, as the sacraments of Christ do. (St. Jerome) --- God will cleanse his people, and will chastise the Ammonites, &c., who had injured them. Septuagint, "I will seek (or avenge) their blood, and will not pronounce innocent;" athooso. (Haydock) --- Sion, in heaven, (Menochius) and in the tabernacles of the Catholic Church, from the beginning of the world unto eternity. (Haydock)

#prophecy of joel

0 notes

gracewithducks · 7 years

Text

“I didn’t know it” (Genesis 28:10-19a)

We have been spending this summer with the families of Genesis, and today we continue the story of Jacob, one of the twin grandsons of Abraham and Sarah.

Last week, we heard about the day that Jacob’s brother Esau came in from the field, and Jacob traded Esau a bowl of stew in exchange for Esau’s rights as the oldest son.

Many years passed, and when the twins turned 40, Esau decided it was time to settle down. So he took for himself two foreign wives – women who, while they may have been very nice women, worshiped other gods, and lived with different values than the family dream of blessing the whole world.

And now we are getting closer to today’s scene. Isaac is growing old, and it’s time for him to give his blessing to the son who will take his place as the head of the family once he’s gone. He sends for Esau, his oldest, to come and receive his blessing. But Rebekah calls for Jacob, and she helps Jacob to disguise himself, so that he might fool his father and receive the blessing instead. Perhaps Rebekah is remembering what God told her when she was pregnant: that her younger son was destined to lead, and her older son would serve him. Maybe she fears that, if Esau takes his rightful place as heir, the family calling will come to an inglorious end. Or maybe she simply wants to push her favorite son, Jacob, into his brother’s place.

Whatever the reason, Rebekah and Jacob succeed in their plan: Isaac gives Jacob his blessing: “May God give you the dew of heaven and the fatness of the earth… Let peoples serve you, and nations bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may your mother’s sons bow down to you. Cursed be everyone who curses you, and blessed be everyone who blesses you!”

They are powerful words, the blessing that should have fallen on the eldest son. Jacob leaves, wearing the mantle of this stolen blessing, and is soon followed by his brother, coming to receive his own. When Isaac and Esau figure out what has happened, Isaac trembles and Esau cries out bitterly – and the rivalry which has defined his life, the brother who has dogged his heels since birth, finally pushes him over his edge. And he starts to plot Jacob’s death; he plans to wait until their father has died, and then he will get rid of his twin and finally stand alone.

When Rebekah realizes what Esau has planned, she makes her own plan: she told Isaac that she was afraid that Jacob, like Esau, would marry a local woman – so she wanted to send him back to her own family, to find a better wife. So Jacob leaves, but really, he is running to save his life.

And this is where we find him today. Jacob has travelled a hard day’s journey away from his home, and the sun is setting; he needs to find a place to stay the night. But he left in such a rush, in such a hurry, he hasn’t brought anything with him; he has no bedroll, nothing to use to make camp. He does the best he can, taking a rock for his pillow, and he lays down to sleep.

This, I think, has to be the lowest point in Jacob’s life. This is where, if I were him, I would be tempted to look around myself and wonder how it all went so wrong.

I wonder if Jacob stewed in the bitter irony, that – while he finally had everything he’d ever wanted, while he had succeeded in securing his brother’s birthright and his father’s blessing – in the very same instant, he’d lost it all. Birthrights and blessings mean very little when you’re in the wilderness, with nothing but a rock to pillow your head.

I wonder if Jacob tried to point fingers and place blame – because, sure, he was a grasping and tricky fellow, but he had help along the way. He couldn’t have taken Esau’s birthright if Esau hadn’t been so willing to give it up. He wouldn’t have tricked his father, perhaps, if his father had spared some more attention and affection for him, the second son, all long. And it was his mother’s idea, after all, to dress Jacob up in his brother’s clothes and trick dad into giving the blessing to the wrong son. Sure, Jacob made some poor decisions, but he certainly had some help along the way.

Jacob may have even blamed God – it’s not unusual to rail against heaven, especially when life seems so unfair. After all, it was God who had told Jacob’s mother, even before the twins were born, which one would carry on the family line. Would it really have been so hard for God to have arranged things so that Jacob just came out of the womb first? That sure would have simplified life for everyone. Or else, couldn’t God have spoken, not just to Rebekah, whose visions could be ignored as the ramblings of a pregnant woman, but to Isaac, to Esau, to Jacob, too? Just so that everyone was on the same page, and Jacob didn’t feel pushed to resort to trades and tricks along the way?

Maybe, in the wilderness, alone under the stars, with stones digging into his back and strange sounds filling the night, maybe Jacob started to realize just how much he’d taken for granted in his life. Even as the second son, he’d never been hungry, never been abused; he had never been abandoned and never been unloved. Sure, his family wasn’t perfect; sure, his parents played favorites and his brother drove him crazy… but there’s nothing like distance to make you realize that there’s no place like home.

And now Jacob is running for his life. He doesn’t know where he will end up; he doesn’t know what the future holds, whether he will ever make it home again.

This is Jacob’s dark night. It’s, literally, the dark night of his soul[1]: the night of suffering, of loneliness and despair; the night when all has been lost, and hope is hard to hold onto; the night when God seems so far away you can start to wonder if God was ever with you at all.

And then Jacob falls asleep, and he starts to dream. In his dream, Jacob sees a ladder, a set of steps, reaching from earth all the way up to heaven. And there were angels, messengers from God, going up and down on the ladder.

I remember growing up singing, “We are climbing Jacob’s ladder!” and it was this triumphant and joyful song, a song about how we were climbing our way up into heaven, one step at a time. But I don’t know that that entirely captures what this dream was about. For one thing, this isn’t Jacob’s ladder at all… and he certainly never climbs it. I wouldn’t have been surprised if, knowing Jacob, his first response on seeing a ladder into heaven would be to grab ahold and start climbing. Jacob’s whole life he has been looking for ways to get ahead, to trick and trip his way to the top.

But he doesn’t climb the ladder. Maybe he can’t. Maybe heaven is one place that we can’t sneak into; we have to be invited in.

Maybe Jacob sees just how tall that ladder is, and it only serves to reinforce just how far away God really is.

Maybe he sees those messengers coming and going from heaven, and he starts to wonder, to hope: maybe one of those messengers is carrying a message for him.

And then something happens: God appears. Not far away in heaven, but right next to Jacob, standing beside him, there in the wilderness, God appears. Instead of sending a messenger, God speaks directly to Jacob. Instead of scolding Jacob, instead of chewing him out for the mess he’s in, God reaffirms Jacob’s place in the story of faith: “I am the Lord, the God of your fathers Abraham and Isaac. I will give this land to you and to your descendants. Your family will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread to the corners of the earth, and in you, all the families of the earth will be blessed.”

In Jacob’s darkest night, when he feels most alone and forsaken by God, the Lord gives him this vision, and the Lord says, “Behold, I am with you and will keep you; I will not leave you, wherever you go...”

And Jacob wakes up, and he says, “Surely God is in this place, and I did not even know it.”

Surely God is here, and I did not even know it. Even in our lowest, most desperate moments, even when we are furious with God, when we are disappointed, when we are doubting, when God seems so far away that we start to wonder if God was ever here at all – even there, even then, even when we do not know it, God is surely with us still.

I was recently reading the work of a theologian who has struggled with traditional understandings of the atonement – traditional understandings of what it is that Jesus does for us, and what Jesus’ death really means. And he argues that a fundamental part of our humanity is, in fact, our god-forsakenness: it is this experience of being abandoned by God, feeling alone, full of doubt, crying out in angst because – when we need God most, God is profoundly silent and unreachably remote.

And when God comes as Christ, it is this aspect of our humanity that he enters, experiences, and redeems: [2] God experiences god-forsakenness… God, in Christ, cries out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”… God, in Christ, enters the dark and long and lonely night of grief – and so, when we find ourselves there, even when it seems that God is nowhere to be found, especially when it seems like God has abandoned and forgotten us – it’s there, precisely, that God is with us, alongside us, promising: “I am with you, wherever you are, and I will never leave you, no matter what.”

When our son was sick, people came out of the woodwork asking to come and anoint and pray for him. And as a general rule, we said no. For too many, it wasn’t about Carl at all; it was about them, about the notch in their belt or the gold star in their crown: I went and visited the cute little sick boy; I laid on hands and prayed for him. But especially near the end, when we were coming to terms with the fact that he wasn’t going to get better – it didn’t help us to have acquaintances of acquaintances reaching out, sure that their prayers, their hands, would be all it would take to turn things around. Their relentless denial of reality wasn’t helping us at all.

But then an old friend of mine sent a very different request: she asked if she could bring me a home-cooked dinner, and she also asked if it would be okay if, while she was there, she anointed and prayed for me.

I must have said yes, though I have no memory of it, and I’m still not sure why; that’s not usually my thing – pastors pray for others, right? And we keep our own hurts hidden away. But I must have said yes, because this old friend came, bringing shepherd’s pie and someone who could be trusted to hold and watch my little boy so I could, for just a few moments, let someone else carry his weight.

And we sat in the corner of the room, and my friend started praying for me. She prayed that I would have comfort, and strength, that I would be surrounded by God’s love, that I would be filled with peace that passes understanding.

And then she started having me repeat after her. And I squirmed, because – sure, I have the kids repeat after me every week, but I’m not usually a “repeat after me” kind of person. But I didn’t want to be rude. I don’t remember a lot of it – she probably had me say things like “I believe that God loves me” and “I believe that God cares for Carl as much as I do” and other affirmations of faith.

I don’t remember for sure, but there is one line that I remember clearly, one that struck to my core and stuck with me in the days to come: she said, “I reject the lie that this is hell.”

I reject the lie that this is hell.

And that one just about choked me. Because I had, more than once, described what we were experiencing as just that: as hell. We were in hell, the place of unending suffering, the place where suffering has no rhyme or reason or redeeming value; in hell, where it’s hard to breathe, and God doesn’t answer your strangled prayers, and you start to wonder if God is even listening at all.

I reject the lie that this is hell, I repeated. And she went on: “I reject the lie that God is not here.”

I reject the lie that God is not here.

It sure felt like God had abandoned us. That dark little hermetically sealed hospital room felt about as far away from God as I had ever been, where my son cried, and there was nothing I could do but cry with him.

I reject the lie that God is not here.

Where else would God be, God the Son, who suffered – but with my suffering son? Where else would God be, God the parent, who watched God’s own son die – where would God be, but there, alongside the weary mother, who had to do the same?

I didn’t dream of heaven that night, and I never saw God standing behind us in that hospital room. But I kept breathing, even after my son stopped; and there are days, I think, when that’s miracle enough. That grief, that god-forsakenness, is not where our story ends.

This is the paradox of our faith: even when we cry out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” – it’s there, in that moment, that God is as close as God has ever been.

Surely God is here, and I didn’t know it – said Jacob, in his own dark night. He still didn’t know what the future held; he still didn’t know what hardships might lie ahead. He didn’t even know about God entering our forsakenness in Christ, about God suffering with us, so we never have to cry out alone. Jacob knew none of it. But he knew that, no matter how alone he felt, God was with him.

And even in our darkest nights, God is with us. Whether we come to those places because of our own poor choices, whether we find ourselves there because of the ways our parents have failed us or our siblings have used us, whether we find ourselves in the dark valley simply because life can be cruel, and suffering random, and at some point, we all will walk that way – whatever the reason, whatever the grief, God is there.

When we suffer, God cries out with us. When we are betrayed, God knows how it feels. And when we feel most alone, it is there that we should expect to see God’s face most clearly – it is there that we find, to our surprise, that God is not far away at the top of an unsurmountable ladder, but God is right beside us, whispering the promise: I am with you always, even to the very end.

I don’t know where you are today. Maybe your life is going well, the sun is shining and all is right in your world, and even the very idea of a dark night is so far removed from your experience right now that it’s hard to even imagine – and if that is you, friend, be blessed; may God give you joy and peace and may you be filled with gratitude for this glorious moment, and may you have compassion for those who aren’t where you are, and may you never forget that life changes quickly, so take nothing for granted.

Maybe, however, you’re in a very different place today. Maybe you can relate to Jacob, in the wilderness, filled with grief and regret, lonely, with a rock for your pillow and no hope for tomorrow. Maybe you are in that dark night: and even the sunshine seems too bright, when your soul is in a place so dark. Maybe your greatest act of courage was getting out of bed this morning. Maybe it feels like a miracle that you are here at all.

And if that’s where you are today, I am praying for you. I am praying for God to bless your sleepless nights; I am praying that you will find peace in the middle of the storm, and strength to keep your head above the waves until the water recedes. I am praying that you will know that God has not forsaken you, but God is with you, even now. And I am praying that God will find a way to speak to your heart – in your waking, or in your dreams – that God will give you the strength to keep going, to keep breathing, and trust that every dark night ends, and morning will come again.

Surely God is where you are – whether you know it or not. God is with you, and always will be. This is not where your story ends. You are not forsaken; you are beloved, and you are not alone.

God, you hear our cries in the dark night; you know our agony, when we struggle to go on, and your presence seems so very far away. Help us. Use our restless hours of sleep to restore our weary souls. Whisper into our hearts, in our waking and in our sleeping, that you are here. Help us to have compassion on our own suffering, and to have faith that this is not the end. Weeping may last for the night, but morning always comes again. Help us to hold on ‘til then. In the name of Christ, who entered our pain, and who weeps with us and walks with us even now, we pray; amen.

[1] The phrase “dark night of the soul” is originally from John of the Cross, and a similar experience of feeling forsaken by God – not as a result of lack of faith, but as a common experience along the faith journey – is also described by St. Therese, St. Paul of the Cross, and St. Teresa of Calcutta, among others.

[2] Tony Jones, A Better Atonement: Beyond the Depraved Doctrine of Original Sin.

1 note · View note