#been devastating to me at that time. but i am 28 now and i have already burnt out and found who i am without being

[whatiwillsay]

🚨I'M PUTTING MY MONEY WHERE MY MOUTH IS🚨

I am pledging over 3000 dollars of my own money to help my friend Ahmed and I want you to join in the fight to help him too!

Ahmed is a 28-year-old man from Gaza and he's raising money to help his family escape the devastation of the war! I'm pledging about $3000 (specifically 2500 British Pounds because his fundraiser is in Pounds) of my own money to match donations this week up to that point. For every pound you give, I'll give one too. All the way up to 2500 pounds meaning we could raise 5000 in one week! That would be incredible! It'd be even better if we raised enough to hit his goal of 35,000 pounds.

Ahmed is a beautiful person and he used to live a joyful life. He worked in a hospital, loved spending time with his friends and family, and shared his adventures on social media. Now the hospital where he used to work has been blown up, his family home has been leveled, and where he used to make posts on social media celebrating life with his friends now he makes posts saying goodbye to them.

He remains hopeful and kind though, and as I've gotten to know him I have become more and more determined to help him evacuate from the terrible situation he's in. They're starving, the refugee camp they're staying in was bombed yesterday, and they're desperate to get out, especially the 10 young children they have with them including two, Sami and Bassam, who are under a year old.

A 5 Pound donation goes a long way in helping them reach their goal but since we're a Taylor Swift Blog, I do encourage people to give 13 Pounds if you can swing it, just for good luck!

Thanks in advance for your generosity guys I know we can rise up as a community and make the world a better place!

[sitp-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 28

I’ve been reccing underrated fics since this blog was created and so I thought “there’s no easier @hprecfest prompt than this one” lol famous last words, this post took me ages to prepare 😂 I was initially overwhelmed by the amount of fics that came to mind, and going through my bookmarks and old recs only made it worse. How was I supposed to shortlist?? In the end I gave up and decided to rec 2 Drarry fics + 2 rare pairs. I could have included so many more but I really didn’t want this to become a tl;dr post and these rec blurbs are already going out of control, so here we go!

Day 28) an under-rated fic:

Drarry

In Dreams by @moonflower-rose (E, 38k)

Harry wasn't expecting to ever see Draco Malfoy again. He also wasn't expecting to walk into a political conspiracy that morning either, but apparently that's exactly what the day has in store for him.

I’ve screamed quite a few times about this fic (see my rec here) and every time I do it’s in the hopes that more folks will stop whatever they’re doing and go feast on this. not only a delicious and intriguing case fic with Rosie’s trademark epic dialogue and superb sense of humour, this also wins the award of best fic opening I have ever read. the way I gasped at chapter one and am forever haunted by its utterly devastating ending oh my god!!! my heart belongs to this gritty Harry, and the slow burn is masterfully crafted within the urgency of their teamwork to solve the mystery combining comfort, grief and hope in a thrilling, poignant and perfectly paced adventure. plus, the emotional payoff is chef’s kiss, honestly I cannot recommend this enough!

Survival of the Species by @romaine2424 (E, 47k)

Draco approaches Harry on the 9 ¾ platform, after their sons have boarded the Hogwarts Express, and invites him over for tea. The discussion they have leads them on an adventure that neither could have expected. There be dragons! HPDH compliant but before any other canon info had been released.

considering this masterpiece was published back in 2007 I think I’m allowed to say this is definitely a formative story when it comes to the creature genre, more specifically Veela fic. I first read this a couple years ago and my jaw legit dropped at the amount of world-building and carefully researched lore that went into this. so detailed and intricate and different from everything I’ve seen before or since, I was truly fascinated and couldn’t stop reading. kudos to the amazing slow burn covering years of their struggles stuck together in a dragon cave and having to rely on each other to survive. I loved seeing the hardships and how they genuinely came to care for each other, definitely one of the most moving and convincing Veela love stories I’ve read in the fandom.

Rare pair

With a Look by earlybloomingparentheses (Ginny + Deamus, E, 5k)

Now, twenty years old and done with boys and looking forward very much to putting her hand down some lucky girl’s shirt later this evening, Ginny looks at Dean Thomas’s gold-painted fingernails and feels heat pool between her legs.

I think about this fic every now and then - such a sensitive, thought-provoking and beautiful homage to the 🏳️‍🌈 community. the visceral and contemplative tone takes it beyond your regular PWP, and I’ve rarely seen gender and queerness explored quite like this. seeing Ginny figuring out and owning her identify is mesmerizing. her voice is powerful, sexy, earnest and articulates so many complex and layered feelings - I was particularly moved by the inner turmoil of not looking “queer enough”. I’m sure this fic will be eye-opening and comforting to so many people out there, and that’s why I never cease to rec it. an intimate character study, a sinfully hot and self-indulgent threesome but above anything, a poignant love letter to the queer community.

Passion, Patents, and Pen Pals at the Ministry by @violetclarity and @yrfrndfrnkly, art by @anaxandria-writes and @veelawings (Hermione/Pansy, T, 32k)

After an extremely ill-timed lovers'-tiff-turned-food-fight at the Ministry leaves her less one boyfriend and suspended without pay for six months, Hermione pleads for some position–anything–to fill her days until her suspension is up. The good news is, her temporary position in the Magical Games & Sports's Ludicrous Patents office is just down the corridor from Harry's office in General Inquiries. The bad news is Harry's officemate is Pansy Parkinson, the Ministry's operations are shockingly outdated, and every altercation between Hermione and Pansy winds up a headline in MoM's internal rogue gossip zine, Hot Goss.

rivals to secret pen pals to lovers yes please?? this hilarious Pansmione is a ship triumph and yet criminally underrated. I had a blast getting into the world of Ministry gossip & politics, and immediately fell in love with all the characters, l especially with this lovely meddling Harry. it’s SO MUCH FUN to watch poor him (and Blaise omg what a duo) in the middle of a ladies’ tug of war. I’m impressed by the amount of world-building especially around their workplace, not to mention all the side interactions and the fun, organic slow burn. I love this take on identity porn with tons of banter and Pansy and Mione connecting through their shared worldview and feminist principles, such a power couple ✊🏼 the mix of semi-epistolary, witty dialogue, dorky meddling friends and mild angst make for peak entertaining, I laughed non-stop and cheered so bad for them. femslash ftw!!!

[foxes-that-run]

Coney Island

To Zane Lowe (at 36mins) Taylor talked about Coney Island being about male regret and place everyone wanted to be but now with the lights are off. In this Lyric video Taylor referenced Harry's winding wheels, a metaphor for soulmates. It is co-written with William Bowery, Joe has no credit.

Winding Wheel

The Winding Wheel is a Ryan Adams’ song. (Ryan made a rock cover album of 1989). There is a post about it here. Ryan described it as a metaphor for an “ultimate soulmate”.

13 December 2013, Harry posted 'better still be my winding wheel' on Taylor's birthday. Say don't go was written 2 weeks later.

27 February 2015, the first photos of Taylor with Calvin were posted and Harry posted an overgrown winding wheel to IG

11 January 2018, Taylor put a Ferris Wheel in the open of End Game

11 December 2020, this Lyric Video has a ferris wheel

This is very long, this song hits so many classic Haylor themes that its dense. When it is all written out like this it boggles my mind people would think it is about another muse or several.

Taylor also said on radio about Coney Island:

"Aaron Dessner sent me this track that he created with his brother Bryce, and I wrote the lyrics and the melody with William Bowery. I was coming from a place of somebody who’s been in a relationship for decades and wakes up one day & realizes that they have taken their partner for granted. It speaks to people who are trying to communicate - but they’re two ships passing in the night. They’re trying to love each other but their signals are somehow missing each other.”

She also said ships in the nights about Exile in that interview and in the lyrics of Willow.

Live performances

Coney Island has been played live once, 28 April 2023 in Atlanta. This is one day before the High Infidelity anniversary of April 29. The other song was The Other Side of the Door which has similar theme of wanting a lover back and regret for ruining a relationship.

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Taylor Swift] Break my soul in two looking for you But you're right here If I can't relate to you anymore Then who am I related to?

The opening verse does not pull punches, it ends with 'if I can't relate to who then who am I related to?' Taylor and Harry have a lot of shared history, similar careers and while no one is as big as Taylor Harry is in a small group who can relate. They have respectively sung about being each others soulmate. To loose that is devastating.

Breaking her soul looking is similar to:

Don't blame me "For you, I would cross the line / fall from grace"

Illicit affairs "And you know damn well / For you I would ruin myself / …a million little times"

Slut! "And if they call me a slut / You know it might be worth it for once"

And if this is the long haul How'd we get here so soon? Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

This again refers to this concept that even apart they are each others person, so to feel they aren’t connecting is a loss

Closing her fist around something Delicate is a reference to the song, which is also about Harry, more on why here. Shattering him is a reference to Falling, to be so lonely. and possibly renegade. Shattered pieces are also in mirrorball.

[Chorus: Taylor Swift] And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering, where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold

The fast times, bright lights describe their life, the place to be:

I Know Places: "Lights flash and we’ll run for the fences"

Wonderland: "Flashing lights and we took a wrong turn and we fell down a rabbit hole"

New Romantics: "We’re all here, the lights and noise are blinding"

Is it Over Now: "And did you think I didn't see you? / There were flashin' lights"

Merry-go round, and lost again with no surprises, disappointments refers to the cyclical nature of their relationship.

Blank Space: "But you’ll come back each time you leave"

Style: "And when we go crashing down we come back every time"

Cardigan: "And I knew you’d come back to"me"

OOTW "We were built to fall apart / Then fall back together (back together)"

Sorry for not making me your centerfold breaks my heart, meaning sorry you were not her end game when she thought he would stay with Joe. Lets take Labyrinth as a nice sequel.

Over and over Lost again with no surprises Disappointments, close your eyes And it gets colder and colder When the sun goes down

Maroon "How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbin' with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends?" The chorus ends sadly, with it getting colder and colder the longer it goes on like that.

Taylor has referred to watching sunsets with Harry, usually in happy, wistful times, but here it is sad, the sun is setting on them. Sunsets are also in:

Out Of The Woods: When you started crying, baby, I did, too, but when the sun came up I was looking at you

Wildest Dreams: "Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe"

It’s Nice To Have A Friend: Light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew

Harry and Taylor also posted Sunset photos in Cannes a year apart, which Taylor referenced in the promotion for Cruel Summer, Slut!'s music video also had a similar sky.

[Verse 2: Matt Berninger with Taylor Swift] The question pounds my head What's a lifetime of achievement If I pushed you to the edge But you were too polite to leave me?

The lifetime achievement having no meaning without this muse reflects a theme that Harry and Taylor have sung about the cost of fame in Mirrorball, your on your own kid and Sign of the Times. In Suburban Legends Taylor sings "I didn't come here to make friends We were born to be suburban legends" which to me plays into the idea that they put their careers first and the relationship suffered.

Suburban Legends "I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it"

And do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

Taylor describes Harry as a rogue is a troublemaker Harry has been in IKYWT, "you were trouble", 22 "you look like bad news" Style "James Dean daydream" and Ready for it? "Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him". Harry has also described himself this way in Trouble "You know i’m trouble / I’m trouble with you"

He coaxed her into paradise and left her there in the Virgin Isles in Now that we don't talk and famously the boat.

[Chorus: Taylor Swift with Matt Berninger] 'Cause we were like the mall before the internet It was the one place to be The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring

Taylor talks about the line of the mall before the internet because it was the one place to be to Zane Lowe, linked above. I love this line, they were the one place to be, the two biggest pop stars in love. I also find a parallel in this line and August, "And say, "Meet me behind the mall" August being the other person, not Harry and Taylor, they meet behind the mall which Harry and Taylor are.

Gift-wrapped suburban dreams refers to Suburban Legends, where Harry and Taylor are the idols of suburbia. "We were born to be suburban legends [...] We were born to be national treasures/ When you told me we'd get back together"

Similar to the centerfold line, not winning you an arcade ring is saying sorry for not getting back together as they had thought. Falling is Harry's perspective on this belief that Taylor would stay with someone else. This time I will choose SOTB as my sequel track. ;)

[Bridge: Taylor Swift, Matt Berninger, Both] Were you waiting at our old spot In the tree line by the gold clock Did I leave you hanging every single day? Were you standing in the hallway With a big cake, happy birthday

In the unreleased Hunger Harry indicates they may have broken up on his birthday "We could ruin a perfect night / On my birthday I made you cry". This may have been in 2015, they had been seen together in late 2014, up to 2 weeks before Harry's birthday. Then Taylor was in Nashville on his birthday and she met CH 3 weeks later.

Hallways are also in 10 songs, generally meeting in them, but here they break up. Taylor also mentioned the birthday line to Zane Lowe as the album came out just before her birthday.

Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey? A universe away And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name

The accident is a reference to the Snow mobile accident in Is it over now? and OOTW: "Remember when you hit the brakes too soon / Twenty stitches in a hospital room / When you started crying, baby, I did too / But when the sun came up, I was looking at you"

To me, I forgot to say your name at the podium is a reference to Taylors 2013 VMA speech where she said "I'd like to say the person who inspired this song, you know exactly who you are, and now I have one of these!" Harry and Taylor were both musicians, the inspired each other and as evidenced by still writing to each other 10 years later this speech diminished that.

Harry’s unreleased Talk and includes “You forgot my name / Sick and tired of me, I can feel the heat” which, no one forgets his name so I take it as referring to the podium.

[lemonswoop]

My game journal entry for Final Fantasy 7 remake! I decided to try to run through the game RIGHT before rebirth came out!

Start date: 1/19/2024

End date: 2/28/2024

Platform: ps4

Hours played: 75

Rating: 4/5

Officially the year of Final Fantasy for me! And what a great game to revisit! Easily the Final Fantasy that I think best mixes humor and seriousness in equal parts.

It's been a while since I played the original, but the remake does an amazing job at adding depth to these beloved characters; even getting me to love characters I previously didn't care for much. Aerith was a character who I admit, on my first playthrough as a kid, I overlooked. But the remake made her so charming and endearing I couldn't overlook her.

Events that previously seemed small on the ps1 (like the first mako reactor bombing) now show just how devastating the aftermath truly was. In the original, I never thought twice about Avalanche being correct when taking their extremist methods. It's hard to visualize just how bad an explosion of that scale would have been, and harder to convey the devastation through that medium.

"A good man who serves a great evil is not without sin"

The voice acting also adds to some of the characters a lot. Cloud, for example, absolutely thrives as a voice acted character. There's a noticeable change in voice an mannerisms as he goes from an uncaring merc who is only in it for the cash, to a person who genuinely cares about the people around him.

I do have a gripe about the ending, though. Nit the fact that it diverges from the original, I just feel like they could have gone about it in a more subtle way. Like okay, yes, square-enix. I got that the whispers represented fate without you stabbing Barret and having the magical dementors save him so we could get a scene that verbally spells out that plotline for us. I already got it before that. You're good!

That aside, at the time for writing this, I have just barely started rebirth. I am excited to see where the story goes, how it diverges from the original, and what this means for these characters, who I am reminded of why I love so much. I hope the spirit of the original stays in tact while still telling a wonderful and unique story.

Funny story about the end boss; Sephiroth pulled a move that dropped my entire teams hp down to 1, and then started the meteor countdown. Cloud started a limit break when the countdown reached one second. Screen flashed white, and I thought I died, so I put the controller down. When the screen faded back in, cloud was in the middle of his limit break and it had canceled meteor. I had won.

The entire team won with 1hp.

One of the most tense minutes of my life.

[remarkablebookbean]

Hallo my friend 🌹

Can you help me recover from the war?

I am Ahmed Jihad, I am 28 years old. I am married and have a daughter who is less than a year old. I live in Gaza in a displacement tent in Deir al-Balah, I lost shelter and a source of income.

My house was destroyed in Khan Yunis and I was displaced more than 3 times fleeing from the massacres. I am trying to protect my family from this devastating war.

I am in difficult days to search for water, food, and necessities for my child.

Help me save my family from destruction and poverty.

My campaign has been/ verified by the bees and watermelon organization for verified/examined campaigns (No. 171)

https://gofund.me/665fbb6c

Please help me by donating

I’m so sorry I can’t donate right now.

Please donate and share their campaign

[cleoselene]

All The Concerts!

my mom wrote down every concert she's ever been to and it's a LOT, like in the triple digits

and it got me thinking if I could name every concert I've ever been to? I am fearful I might forget some tho my MS memory sucks but here goes:

New Kids on the Block

Boyz II Men/MC Hammer

Tori Amos (x7)

Switchblade Symphony

KMFDM with Nivek Ogre

VNV Nation (x2)

Air Supply (x2)

Terri Clark (lol I hated country when my family dragged me to this one, I was in my peak Snob Goth era)

Garth Brooks (happened much later when I had learned to embrace country)

Peter Cetera

Sarah McLachlan

The Editors

Radiohead (i hated this hahah, it was so fucking boring like their music. My friend bought the tickets and I had hoped seeing them live would make it click. It did not. I was bored and cold because it was raining in Seattle)

Coldplay (was so much better than Radiohead, seethe snobby indie rock fans)

Regina Spektor

The Decemberists (literally the worst concert I've ever seen. Again I did not buy the tickets but my friend who liked going to indie rock shows always bought two tickets in hopes of getting a date and I was her backup if she didn't. To be clear even though this and Radiohead sucked, I did have a great time with my friend both times)

Cake

George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic

Puscifer

Barry Manilow

ummm now I'm drawing a blank but I KNOW I've been to more shows and the stupid brain damage is making me forget. I've always been to see a fuck ton of tribute bands at this supper club, and tbh they were almost all really good. The Pink Floyd one especially. Also lol in middle school once this club I was in had a band come perform and they were like... a hair metal Christian band that took mainstream rock songs like "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi and changed the lyrics to like... "LIVING 'CAUSE I PRAAYYYY" and it was fucking hilarious. It's driving me crazy tho because I know there are more actual real concerts I am forgetting -_-

so i guess if you count all the artists I saw multiple times, it comes to... *maths* 28 concerts? Which tbh does not feel like nearly enough.

on the bucket list:

Vienna Teng

Brandi Carlile

Portishead (lol this will never happen but a girl can dream)

Beyoncé

Taylor Swift

TOOL

A Perfect Circle

The Amazing Devil (which is somehow even less likely than Portishead)

SO I'LL MAKE THIS A MEME. Tell me which concerts you've been to, and tell me which concerts you feel like you MUST see before you die. @deathinthesun @an-ivy-covered-summer @swiftzeldas @sylvieons and whoever else wants to do it~

I did get Taylor tickets last year HOWEVER they were... beyond atrocious, the seats. Like, upper upper deck, BEHIND the stage with like no visibility, not even of the screens, because again: BEHIND. I had like three people trying to get tickets that day and 2/3 of us failed but my friend succeeded and she was like "do you want me to buy these? they're upper deck" and I was like yeah yeah that's okay! We can look at the screens! And then I saw the "OBSTRUCTED VISIBILITY" thing and looked at the layout and I was like...kind of devastated, honestly? It's really hard for me to do an outing like that physically, it was outdoors in April (which translates to HOT in Florida) and I just didn't see myself able to endure 5 or 6 hours at minimum in the heat without like, passing out and dying. Not to mention I'm still really scared of being in a large space with that many people because my disease-modifying drug destroys most of my immune system. I ended up selling them, and... buying my vinyl collection lol. Taylor got a lot of that money again because I bought a lot of her records. I'm kind of bummed that maybe I missed my chance forever, but again, I don't think I could have physically swung it. Plus, of the three nights she did Tampa, the show I was supposed to go to had meh surprise songs while the other 2 nights had AMAZING ones, so I know I would have been salty about that too. ONE DAY THO.

[gemsofgreece]

https://dasarxeio.com/2023/08/28/128302/

Did you see this article? I am so devastated by the destruction that has happened in Dadia. It's so horrible a part of me cannot even process it :((

You know, I have stopped talking about this because it affects me. It gets to my well-being. On one hand the pain is so great, on the other hand I feel like we should be punished for all our political choices, all our problematic mindsets and indifference and chaotic selfish attitude and lack of organisation and foresight and poor system of justice that count decades at this point. We need the punishment until the lesson gets learned. At the same time, if I think about it, my eyes water about the forest and the animals and all the people living near it or holding it close to their hearts.

The national woodland of Dadia has been burning for 13 days now. The professor of forest studies in the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki has warned that the forest will need 100-150 years to return to its original form, so none of us will live to see it. Some won't see it again like they once did and the rest won't ever see what it was like. Dadia was one of Europe's most important ecosystems, being home to many endangered bird species, especially super rare vultures. We have no idea what happened to them. Either they are dead or they will never return.

Dadia was the pride of the region of Evros. It's gone. Estimations are that 150,000 hectares are gone and we keep going. The fire has been characterised as officially the worst fire in the history of the European Union.

And we generally lose 75,000 hectares every year, most of the animals living in them and 9 people on average. Where is this gonna go? We're not a big country. Not that being a big country would make this better in any way but still. This is not an one time thing. This has become systemic at this point and nobody does anything about it. We can not afford it financially, environmentally, emotionally, mentally. We can't.

And again. 90% OF IT IS NOT DUE TO CLIMATE CHANGE. IT'S EITHER ORGANISED CRIME OR WIDE INDEPENDENT CRIMINAL ACTIVITY. It is getting confirmed and proved again and again. At this point it is even admitted by the Greek government. Dadia in particular was targeted last year as well. Climate change can't always happen in Dadia every year, the northernmost and thus a humid and cold region compared to the average of the country!!!!

And yet the Greek state sits and watches. We must always remember that the Greek state for some reason dismantled the Firefighting sector of the Forest Service in the 90s and has made the standard city firefighting service responsible for forest fires. We are the only country with flammable ecosystems like ours that does this globally. And despite what happens every year, we do not correct this.

And you know the most maddening stuff. We have a lot of personell and we also spend more money than the average for the firefighting expenditures!!!!!!!!!!!! About 1.5 billion every year and we are the worst at it in Europe. Like... I can't make coherent thoughts anymore.

I can't talk about this more right now, I am sorry. Nothing I can say will make any difference anyway. The only thing I can hope and pray for is that speculations and predictions will prove to be pessimistic as nature is always so much stronger and resourceful than we are.

[ashwantsafreepalestine]

Hallo my friend 🌹

Can you help me recover from the war?

I am Ahmed Jihad, I am 28 years old. I am married and have a daughter who is less than a year old. I live in Gaza in a displacement tent in Deir al-Balah, I lost shelter and a source of income.

My house was destroyed in Khan Yunis and I was displaced more than 3 times fleeing from the massacres. I am trying to protect my family from this devastating war.

I am in difficult days to search for water, food, and necessities for my child.

Help me save my family from destruction and poverty.

My campaign has been/ verified by the bees and watermelon organization for verified/examined campaigns (No. 171) by @aces-and-angels

https://gofund.me/665fbb6c

Please help me by donating

The situation is nearly intolerable, with the struggle to provide food and basic care becoming a daily challenge. "I can't even secure food for my family or milk for my newborn. We feel hopeless, and our hearts are heavy with worry. We desperately need your assistance to survive until this ordeal ends."

-The costs are skyrocketing, with weekly expenses (food, diapers, milk) reaching up to CAD $700, while evacuation costs per person amount to CAD $6,900.

Ahmed is grateful for all the support they receive, but he knows he needs more than just moral support. "We now need actions. We have heard the chants of 'Free Palestine,' and now we need your help to keep us alive.

[poupeesdecirque]

Travel Blog Anime Festival Kassel! - Part 1

27.-28. October 2023

The last convention for me this year, read further for my impression of this event which was held in Kassel for the first time, me being super chaotic, enjoying things and attending the cosplay competition.

And yes I was totally going as past!Allen the times I was "not" in costume as my glasses are round too and I had to put on the shirt/waistcoat anyways. I just HC him as an explorer when he goes to places, its my kind of having silly little fandom moments. But now to the travel blog.

Friday, Travel & Coming 'home'

Travel day. I started a bit chaotic from home and later than planned but rain was forecasted the whole day and a serious hiking day was not really possible. I noticed I forgot my phone charger as I was already out and my first mission was to buy a replacement. As I arrived in Kassel I had to take a reroute as there was so much traffic but I know the city and its corners it was fine to me. All the familar places and ... I just felt home. For 19 years my favorite convention was held in Kassel until it moved to Wiesbaden this year and I was completely devastated how they handled it and left Kassel crying last year and I am just so SO happy to be able to return.

I quickly checked into the Hotel and went to the convention hall and just the feeling of seeing it again made me so content, even with the rain, the cold weather, the phone charger etc. AND the fact the Con contacted me that my script for the Contest has to be changed as there was some equipment different.

I went through the park and was just thriving. Then into the city checking a few places, actually got a charger after asking the sales manager of a itty bitty corner store if they have some - i was super proud I did that, past-me would have given up and just searched for a big electronic store to drive to to avoid talking to people.

As I walked back to the hall I came across a very fancy bakery/café I had discovered last year and they sold halloween themed confectonary again and ... this time I actually bought some. I dared to go in there and bought two petit fours and even as the seller asked me something twice I was just casually replying I am .. so proud. You know I suffer from severe social anxiety and a situation like this would have been enough to break me for a whole weekend, on top with the charger thing. But I was managing well. It was quite late then as I got back to the hall but still decided to ask if I could get my ticket for the next two days already to avoid waiting. Another step further for me, usually I would have chickened out. Everyone there was very darling I am looking forward on how they organize the actual convention days.

Back in the hotel I had (very late) dinner, but I was just mentally in such a good place that it didn't mess with my head.

Saturday - 28. October - Contest day

Slept okay for the fact I usually sleep bed when not home, super excited for the day. But took it slow, went through my script a few times (finally after not doing so for the last days) to recall it.

Then headed out to Kassel to fetch a few things, I like to give myself small tasks to have something to do when I am alone. Like just getting some snacks.

After returning to my car I started painting... my make up. I actually avoid doing a lot of make up for Allen as my eyes hate it and I don't think he is a make up type but as it was for the contest I wanted to upgrade everything a little bit.

It was starting to rain again and ... someone please remind me more often that the first Uniform has a HOOD I can use. I ... will come back to that later.

After a bit of waiting time due bag control I finally was able to enter the hall. It felt again like home but also different. When you came in you had several vendors, Manga, Merch, some artists inbetween. Even a tattoo artist?! And like at the Polaris you had several vendors of dried fruit... ehm.. okay? Like I am always for more healthy options aside the vendors selling tons of asian candies and ramen.

What I really liked about the structure they had for the hall is that they actually used the hallways better than the other con, less "lost" space. Yes they have a smaller audience but it seemed so much smarter to me to use the hallways for artists instead of putting them into super small rooms with no space to move in.

For the vendors and all there was .. lots of Genshin Impact again and Demon Slayer I think? I am a bit spoiled by the last cons especially the bookfair and the polaris in regards of a great diversity of artists, this was alright I guess. Not much for me to buy.

What was interesting is that the city had rented the hall to another convention but for ... doctors. Weird, but worked. As I got recognized as Allen later on I was able to talk with the two and one told me a few interesting things about the Con that moved to Wiesbaden and some facts that the Anime Festival will be bigger next year. I got encouraged to voice my opinion more often by them, as all they heard was only positive about the other Con (they didn't attend as well... reasons).

Then .. the contest. I was quite nervous, got in my snacks and some lunch before I went to prejudging. Was able to chat with the other attendees during the wait and was quite a lil hyper bunny as it was my turn. I have to say the judges were super darling about everything. They were all cosplayers, some super expierenced and one even a super huge name here. I got complimented for my make up (which I adjusted a bit more after lunch) to try to get my lashes white and all. That I made pockets, that the uniform has a lining, that the pattern was selfmade and the functional buttons. etc.

We were supposed to meet up 30 mins later, I waited with No. 6 (I was No 4) and got a bubble tea because my anxious mind needed something to do and I was super thirsty. I downed it so fast they went "WAIT HOW". Haha. I am used to drink a lot.

After it we were brought to the backstage and it seemed to take forever until it was my turn. No 3 before my was in a wheelchair and the crew did a great job to help her getting up the stage and stairs. And with the applause I was sure they would get the 1st rank. They did a performance as Sheego from Kim Possible.

My turn was. I walked, babbled my text, actually looked at the audience and noticed it was indeed THE MOST BIGGEST STAGE they have and the whole room was full of people, I had to improvise a bit as I was not able to stuff everything into Tim but I managed well.

I was super proud and watched the rest of the contest in the audience (they had seats reserved for us). Overall it was 10 performances. The majority was voice clips/moving to them, or just music and doing a dance/pose.

Mine was actually a small sketch that was Allen looking out for Timcampy, finding and scolding him for flying away. All during the search for Cross. Then I asked the audience if they had seen the master and showed my drawing of him. Then I scolded Tim for not getting my stuff back in as I was handling too many things at once. Haha.

The ranking later on was well, place 3 was a huge ass Spamalot/Monty Python and the Holy Grail Group and I was sure they will be ranked. 2nd was the Sheego, whom I had seen on 1. And 1 was a Kiki (Kiki's delivery service), I found hers rather boring to be honest as it was just an english voice clip that didn't fit the outfit or any acting at all, but well, Ghibli and cutesty bonus I guess. I would have seen others ranked.

Later on I went to pick up where I got ranked but ... in fact the voting system was hacked/there were annormalities and therefore there was no ranking other than the main 3.

I talked with some other of the contestants about the results and all were quite baffled. The two started last even said the results were not into their favor anyways as the moderators procrastinated 5 minutes to get them on stage and the majority indeed already had voted.

One last thing here: I am amazed by the positive words I got, that the performance was good and that you couldn't tell that it was my first time joining a contest, that I should do it more often. This really means a lot to me.

The rest of the day was me strolling through the halls & park again, sometimes in the park too. But the weather was not that good, it was raining a lot. I was torn about getting a maple themed bowl but as I got to really buying it it was sold out, so I got the chestnut kitkats I had eyes all the time.

I noticed I was super done for the day, there were several concerts left but I was just feeling the day and the snacks weren't holding me longer. But it was pouring... and the food vendors were outside.

After another 30 minutes I remembered I HAVE A HOOD and quickly went to the car to scrub the make up off my face and get some cotton pads from the store along with something to go with my instant noodles + tofu I had brought along. I wanted to eat in peace and not cramped outside in the rain.

The day ended for me in the hotel, tired, exhausted but quite well. What annoyed me though was that there was an event with a live band in the hotel. Good bye sleep.

Ending the day with food in the hotel, my little haul from stores and the fact the make up refused to get off. I would have some "fun" the coming days with that.

[kitcactusart]

It’s been a little over a year since I was diagnosed with DID (Multiple personalities) and I’m still uncovering all of the alters that live within me.

When a new personality is recognized I call it an emergence. It is a difficult time.

Usually alters are from a specific time I’m my life. When a new alter emerges the most real memories for me are the ones from that time period.

I miss my friends from that time and experience the fears from that time. I don’t my current coping skills or goals that are keeping me safe and happy when I’m like this. My life is thrown completely out of balance.

It feels like I missed my whole life. I was ten and now I’m 28. I know what happened in between but it didn’t happen to me.

I’ve started to understand when a new alter is emerging. It feels like a stranger is in my skin. It feels like breaking out of a cocoon.

It hurts and I get incredibly depressed before I can recognize a separate identity.

Sometimes alters are happy to come out. Like breathing in fresh air for the first time in years. Feeling the pure senses of the body without feeling like touching it through a curtain.

Other times the alters want to die, Immediately and with anything I can get my hands on. In those moments other personalities have to try to take control of the body. It’s like being in a hostage situation with yourself. We can usually calm them down. Those alters usually are able to help others during their emergencies later.

Sometimes I can also feel myself slipping away, back into stasis. Someone else comes up to the front and I’m being pushed back into darkness. It’s terrifying, it could be years before I’m back and I will have missed years of my own life.

Even if an alters fronts often it is totally unnerving to suddenly wake up in the middle of a task or conversation. Alters that don’t front as often, the switch can be devastating. I’ll often get vertigo and nearly collapse or throw up.

Switches can happen as quickly as every few minutes or as long as once every several weeks.

There are alters who are dormant, alters who are awake (in a shared mental living room of sorts) and an alter who is fronting.

Sometimes no one is fronting and I am nearly comatose.

I do my best to seem like one cohesive person while living my life as twenty clowns in a trench coat. We are Kit as a collective, a family and a person.

I want to say I’m proud to be plural, but it makes my life incredibly difficult and is the result of a traumatic and culturally abusive childhood. I think what I can say is I’m not ashamed. I simply am plural.

[m0nsterwife]

Hallo my friend 🌹

Can you help me recover from the war?

I am Ahmed Jehad, I am 28 years old. I am married and have a daughter who is less than a year old. I live in Gaza in a displacement tent in Deir al-Balah, I lost shelter and a source of income.

My house was destroyed in Khan Yunis and I was displaced more than 3 times fleeing from the massacres. I am trying to protect my family from this devastating war.

I am in difficult days to search for water, food, and necessities for my child.

Help me save my family from destruction and poverty.

My campaign has been/ verified by the bees and watermelon organization for verified/examined campaigns (No. 171) by @aces-and-angels

https://gofund.me/665fbb6c

Please help me by donating

hello!! thank you for reaching out for help. it is painful to see how much you and your family have lost, and how many times you have all had to move. i am unable to donate right now due to circumstances, but i wish to help in any way i can and will share your campaign so it reaches people who might be able to donate ❤️🫂:

[aceofspadespop]

Hallo my friend 🌹

Can you help me recover from the war?

I am Ahmed Jehad, I am 28 years old. I am married and have a daughter who is less than a year old. I live in Gaza in a displacement tent in Deir al-Balah, I lost shelter and a source of income.

My house was destroyed in Khan Yunis and I was displaced more than 3 times fleeing from the massacres. I am trying to protect my family from this devastating war.

I am in difficult days to search for water, food, and necessities for my child.

Help me save my family from destruction and poverty.

My campaign has been/ verified by the bees and watermelon organization for verified/examined campaigns (No. 171) by @aces-and-angels

https://gofund.me/665fbb6c

Please help me by donating

https://gofund.me/2768b3a3

Hey, what's up! Ahmed Jehad and his newborn really need our help right now; they're living in a tent and struggling to get even basic necessities like food and milk. Every donation makes a huge difference, so if you can, please click the link above to donate or share the link. Also, if for some reason, the link on this blog doesn’t work, go to his account and donate or spread the word around!

[gen-kenobi]

Helloo!! For the ask game: 11 and 27 for Daniel, 17 and 31 for Barbie, and 15 and 28 for Aren

Hehehe thank you SO much for giving me a chance to wordvomit about these three 😊

Cpt. Daniel Hart: NPC from homebrew(ish) zombie apocalypse ttrpg, Tiny Living Dead

11. What would it take to break them?

Oooh, what a fun question, what a super fun question that does not fill me with dread in the slightest!

I think it would break Daniel to be shown that who he has become and all he has done in the name of protecting Fort Wayne was for nothing. If the city fell, if the people turned on him, if he were used and discarded and ultimately deemed replacable...that would crush him. Without getting into spoiler territory (because I know for a fact one of my players will see this), Daniel came so close to breaking a cycle, to being his own person, and once the Fury outbreak happened he snapped right back into line because he felt he "had" to.

But if he didn't? If Daniel was shown that it was all in service of nothing and no-one? It would destroy him.

27. Opinion on kids - would they like to have them someday?

Before the outbreak, Daniel assumed he would start a family, because it was part of the conventional role laid out for him. It was never anything he had strong feelings towards in either direction, it just seemed....inevitable? He grew up watching fathers head overseas and took it for granted that he would eventually be one of the many.

After the outbreak, Daniel would never bring a child into this world. One, he thinks it's far too dangerous, and two, it's simply not a priority.

However, in a nicer AU world free of the expectations he's surrounded by/feels restrained by, and free of the zombie apocalypse? I think Daniel would like to have kids someday. This *might* be light spoilers, but he's good with children - they let him tap into his goofier side that he doesn't often engage with.

Barbella 'Barbie' Khazgur: Paladin, Oath of the Ancients, Werebear PC from ongoing Critical Role campaign

17. What phrase would a loved one have to say to crush them?

Barbie is happily estranged from her biological family, so for the sake of this question I am taking the party members as her loved ones.

Barbie spent a decade in isolation, living in hiding deep in the wilderness. The (original) party members were the first people to show her kindness, and to accept her for who she is - werebear and all. Barbie sees them as her friends, and if they were to turn around and contradict this - if they were to tell her that they don't care about her at all, actually, and have just been putting up with her this whole time - that would crush Barbie's spirit.

All she's ever sought is true and meaningful connections. She believes she's finally found that, and if her friends were to squash that belief? Barbie would be devastated.

31. What stops them from functioning to the best of their abilities?

Deep down, Barbie doesn't feel like she is good enough to be the Wildmother's Champion. This stems from essentially being raised to be sold to the highest bidder by her family - her sense of her own worth is tied up in how 'useful' she can be to other people. Hence why she took an Oath of the Ancients in the first place.

So! Barbie's lack of belief in herself and her worthiness as a Champion is the main obstacle in her way, right now.

Aren Douglas: Cyberpunk 2077 OC, Nomad + Solo

15. What are their communication skills like?

Aren is a solo, and therefore is used to advocating for themself 24/7 against fixers, clients, co-workers and rivals. Their communication is very direct, some might even say blunt. What they lack in tact they make up for in clarity - people always know where they stand with Aren. They thrive in conversations that involve straightforward transactions and a bit of quid pro quo. In Aren's experience, nothing is free. People always want something from each other. They are comfortable in situations that align with this worldview.

However, when it comes to more emotional, nuanced comversations, Aren struggles. They have repressed a lot of their own emotions and are keeping a Litany of secrets for their own survival and also because they Do Not Want To Talk About It. So unfortunately, Aren would be extremely uncomfy with someone leaning on them for comfort. And they would really struggle to provide that comfort, if indeed they even want to.

I can very much see them just Nope-ing out of heavier/more personal conversations, the other person be damned. The echo of a certain someone in Aren's head would tell them that everyone has to look out for themself in this world.

28. What makes them feel vulnerable?

Aren survived very intense and very much unwanted body modifications when they were young, and as a result they carry a lot of physical and mental scars as well as cybernetic augmentations. So, they feel most vulnerable when their body is on display, hence why they usually cover up with heavy clothing.

It would take a lot for them to even be that vulnerable with someone in the first place. At it stands, they haven't found someone they have that level of trust in.

[gaps-between-stories]

Hockey asks 8, 14, 28!!

OUAGHHH hello beloved!!

8 - fave captain

honestly, I just have to give it to Quinnifer, I think. It's been amazing watching his game grow these past 2 seasons, and to see the way that he's truly stepped up to lead the Nucks to greatness this year. It drives me a little nuts that he's a year younger than me 🙃 but he is such a wonderful person on and off the ice and is truly putting in the work!

14 - best looking jerseys

Oooooooh okay I'm definitely biased right now but I am absolutely OBSESSED with the Cats' 2022-2023 reverse retro jerseys!! I wish those were their full-time alternate jerseys, they're SO fun!! Although I will also give a shoutout to the black and white Jersey jerseys, and the Canucks flying skate alternate jerseys look SO good, too!! (why do alternate jerseys always look SO much better than their standards!?)

28 - favorite goal song

Oh that ABSOLUTELY has to go to "Breaking Free" from the man-of-the-people, Emily in Paris' #1 fan, of Between 2 Stalls fame, bona fide Swiftie, Mr. 1000 Games JEFF SKINNER!!!! As brutal as that 6-2 loss against Buffalo was, I'm actually kinda devasted that we didn't get to hear "Breaking Free" when Skinny got that hatty in Seattle 😭

Thank you for asking!! 🫶

[nofoodsallowedinsidepls]

19 | SEPTEMBER 23

INTRODUCING MYSELF

Im a BA Communication Student from ESSU.

Janelle by the way, are you may call me Jah | ate Jah if you just want to, or else call me by my surname.

#IntroductionOfSelf

I'm a 28-year-old stunner (char), obviously a returnee after 13 years of not being in an academic field. I used to stop taking my preferred program because we were financially unstable at that moment, until now. But I tried hard to sustain my needs as a self-loving, self-supporting,  or rather independent woman. I'm working while pursuing my dream; my only dream is to finish college, which is where I am now. I have three part-time jobs, one of which is an office assistant at a private store, a sales representative (agent) at a telecommunications company and a musician.

-

Way back in 2018, I applied to this telecommunications company as an agent to gain job experience. At that time, I never thought that I was able to go back to college because I was very devastated because of my mental health issues. That thing called "social anxiety" makes me think that everywhere I go, there's always rejection, and it feels like I don't have the guts to do that academic stuff.

Because of my good decision to apply for a job, my co-workers helped me overcome my weakest

-

I loved traveling, exploring, wandering, and connecting with nature with music. Ive been through a lot of places here in Samar, more on nature, hoping, but never been hiking. More on beach rivers and falls: I wish I could trek on Mt. Batulao and Sagada/Buscalan and have a tattoo by Apo Wang-od, the oldest "mamba batok," just one of my to-do lists. But as for now, I just want to pursue my dream first to finish school; this is one of my main goals. 

-

Here's a bit of flexing about my favorite career: being in a band. I have this band called Maria, a full band that plays a variety of pop rock genres all over Eastern Samar.

Being in a band is a great reliever, even though I lack sleep because of this career. It relieves all my stress through playing music and having a great bond with my bandmates. 

For me, they were the ones who made me realize that life is much better when you take it so easy. But we have to be hardworking even though we are having trouble organizing our time because it's my number one source of income aside from having part-time jobs.

Now I hope everything flows easily, as I am facing health issues too. But I very positively believe that everything will go to its rightful place. My only plan now is to finish college and to enhance and apply it to my chosen profession in the future.

[loverockawaitsyou]

Vulnerable post... Dealing with a narcissistic ex unwilling to let go...

I am going through a really ugly breakup. I thought things would be OK but it turns out that the guy I was with was a big-time narcissist. I decided to leave him because our relationship wasn't going anywhere and he is an alcoholic, among other red flags. He was a wreck in the final days before I left. He cried on numerous occasions, especially at the airport.

Before I moved to Seattle, we were getting along just fine, and since I flew, he offered to help me ship off the big belongings I didn't take. Stupidly, I left my music memorabilia in his care, which included thousands of dollars worth of merchandise (mainly Pearl Jam items) including vinyls, books, posters, and expensive art prints purchased directly from photographers.

To put a long story short, my ex felt I "abandoned" him and started to retaliate, especially when I started to inquire about a website he was supposed to make for my writing business- which hadn't been finished after weeks of asking him to do so (and that I was paying for). He then ghosted me for over a week, refusing to answer about the website or my belongings. And during that week, he went to an expensive rave festival with a pass I paid for (as a birthday gift). I also learned he started to sleep with a coworker of mine less than a month after I left.

After realizing how devastated I was, and in an attempt to save face, he finally sent the bulk of my belongings and sent me some food. He also tried to sweet talk me, saying, "I can prove there's still good in me." However, he "forgot" one more item. I am still not sure whether it was on accident or on purpose.

The final item is my signed Painted Shield poster, which is in a protective metal tube. For my first vacation literally in years, I went to Seattle for the first time. While there, I went to Painted Shield's first-ever group of live shows. It was a special occasion, especially since you all know I'm a fan of Stone Gossard and some of his side projects, and I was near the front and got to see the whole band up close. The poster is signed by all of Painted Shield. I paid $100-$150 for it, but it's not just a money thing, obviously. It is a memento from an experience that is dear to me.

Unfortunately, my ex knows everything there is to know about me, especially my love of all things Pearl Jam-related. I affectionately referred to my collection as my "Rock Babies."

During our conversations, I told my ex I don't really want anything to do with him anymore, and that I wanted my things so that "all of this could be over." Constantly, he would say, "Don't talk like that!" And he keeps saying, I'll talk to you tomorrow... later... whenever... It's as if he is using the poster as a means to have an excuse to continue to get my attention- even if it is negative. He sent my other things on 8/22 and "found" the poster on 8/23. He said he would send it out on Monday 8/28. He hasn't sent it yet and is vague on when he will. I left my old place on 7/12.

So... my ex knows that he is intentionally withholding one of my "babies" from me. I am not well-off financially by any means, and saved a bit to go to Seattle and see Painted Shield.

These past few weeks have been difficult, and I'm towards the end of my rope. I'm at the point where I may sadly just let my poster go if it means not having to deal with my ex and his mind games anymore. Perhaps I can get one of my ex-coworkers to confiscate it, but I'm... tired. I'm just tired. I want to move on.

He is using it as leverage, control. He knows the significance of it.

I'm in Seattle now, so maybe I'll get a chance to get something else eventually that can replace it.