#beefers just here

[hart-on-my-sleeve]

"WE'VE GOT DOLLS MADE OF US! You ever have a woman come up and say 'you're just a doll'? Well that's the truth when you talk about the Dream Team. "

"Except it's not the real thing... Can you imagine having a real Beefcake or a real Greg the Hammer Valentine in your living room?"

... what are we talking about again? @w@

11 2 1986 Wrestling Challenge - Beef Greg Promo

[pushingdaisies1]

Its never too late baby . . . ♡

(✧ ˚.) PAIRING-> James "Logan" Howlett {A.K.A} Wolverine x Mutant Reader >_<

(✧ ˚.) SUMMARY -> You were always someone who utilized your strengths. Physical and mental, you were a jack of all trades. You were a true hero to the students you taught within the school. Amongst the other X-men, you would always be one of them. But you had this little tick, that always annoyed Logan no doubt. You were a secretive person, too secretive for even his "standards." For others, you were a pillar of nurture and guidance. He saw your well-meaning nature from miles away. It was almost sickening to him how you would stretch your capabilities out to no end. He would never deny that he could be selfish. Sometimes it's more worth it to save your spine, than risk it for someone else. Though with the problems being thrown the team's way as of recent, he always saw you spinning your wheels. You wouldn't reason with him even when he of all people would lend you a shoulder to cry on. Even the students at the school could see it. With their childish snickers and big-eyed looks at your comfortable banter with Mr. Howlett whenever he helped with class. You were in love with the Wolverine. Again, out of all the Canadians - him? It wasn't something like a schoolgirl crush. It was an infatuation sort of deal. You burned for him mind body and soul. You would pretty much follow this scoundrel to the ends of the earth, even the end of your life if prompted. Which causes something to break between you two after you risk your livelihood for your family. The people that made up your heart, including Logan.

(✧ ˚.) AUTHORS NOTE -> hi party people!! I saw so much of the sweet reception for my first ever logan piece , so tysm!! Genuinely from the bottom of my heart the love means so much. As I’m currently going through my x-men marathon time if you will , I’ve had this idea brewing for a while. Thankfully the resurgence of logan content has given me the push needed to formulate this yk! This isn’t a part two to my previous logan post. That will be coming very shortly, but this is its own thing. Timeline wise... erm.... idrk a good place to put this SIGH. I'm thinking like in between x2 and the last stand. also one last final note , the title I took from Chemtrails over the country club. specifically the one lyric - "it's never too late baby so don't give up." felt like an appropriate whimsy title, nd I have been hearing that song everywhere lolz. Anyways, toodles!!! ᐢᗜᐢ (✧ ˚.) CWS (?) -> Descriptions of blood and graphic injury , they/them pronouns for reader !! , mentions of major character deal , Logan cares too much ... which could mean nothing , ur comatose for like the good first chunk of this , Jean and u have LORE!!!!! (not rlly but u and her have backstory beefers/her "passing" affect reader 100%) , mourning/grief, And that's on having no healing powers!! Buh-dun-csh!!

Your fall from grace was quick on the battlefield. This was supposed to just be any regular mission. You were using it as a way to clear your head after all. But you took a leap too far and now here you were, plummeting. The issue at hand was apprehended, sure. But you didn't leave the fight unscathed. Your vision grew too spotty for you to even make out your surroundings. Your hearing too even started to fog. Looking down, somehow or some way a large-sized piece of shrapnel metal had made it into your torso. Right in the sweet spot that was not in the lungs. Your legs began to wobble, losing your footing slowly but surely. You didn't realize your body was falling to the ground. The warm feeling rushing through you was the blood exiting from your hefty wound. It was ironic the last thing your eyes met before collapsing. Logan turned back around immediately once he noticed you weren't clamoring to the jet. His heart sunk to his stomach as he immediately sprung over to you. By the time your head had smacked against the ground, you went out. Your fingertips began to buzz, your fatigue lifting all of a sudden. All of the hurt and weight on your shoulders lifted? You felt freer than before, with a piece of debree stuck inside of your body no more. Even if some people regarded mutants as the next step in human evolution, a majority were still stuck with fleshy bodies. If only you were made out of steel. In this momentary unconsciousness, you thought about everything that went wrong. Your existence as a whole, joining the school. Moving up from student to teacher at Professor Xavier's school, like Scott and Ororo you were one of the first. Regarded as maybe one of the most useful of the bunch. No one could ever compete with Storm, the literal incarnate of a goddess. You thought of her as your eyes closed, embraced with the warm memories of your early days within the school.

The professor was never one to play favorites among his students. But when he searched you out and arrived with a less conniving Magneto at your door, it was clear you were special to him and his cause. From that day forward you were seen as a pillar of hope to a lot of the students. To some, you were like a mother, to others a guardian who would save them no matter the risk. To Logan Howlett - "The Wolverine", you were a coward. A coward that he admired. A coward he respected due to the ways you handled... stress in the simplest of terms. From the day he met you, he wandered around the halls of the mansion bewildered and confused. Something about you stuck out. He would've done something with this urge sooner if his eyes weren't honed in on another.

From day one you were not surprised how fast he fell and yearned for Jean. The woman you saw as your confidant, your best friend, she was magnificent. Smart and poised all in one with a strong set of mutant abilities. She was on the same power level as the professor, which made sense for their connection.

For living in Jean's shadow, you didn’t hate it. You were her right-hand man. Your balance was comforting, she was like your sister. The professor in small quiet moments of honesty to you liked to compare you to him and Magnus. When times were simpler they weren’t at opposing ends of the mutant kind spectrum. Yours and Jean's dynamic made you feel at ease with yourself. How could you worry? Your identity became a part of hers a long time ago. Logan saw more to that with you. Sure you could nag a lot of the time, and you always barked up his tree whenever he found ways to smoke on school grounds. But you just had this pull for him. He'd always find his way to see you first whenever entering a room. His brash and gritty attitude always got all mushy around you. He over time grew a lot more fond of the smallest details when it came to you. He was an amnesiac, his past only bits and pieces. But you made him feel grounded. You cherished his growth in ways no one else had. You were the reason why he was so drawn to the "now" of life. He needed that in times like this. He couldn't keep up for long after the realization that Jean was gone finally sunk in. Drowning at his one-sided attraction, the longing that he could've done more, you pulled him right out from that rut. Thank god that the two of you combined had horrible sleep schedules. His nightmares still stirred while you were suddenly afflicted with these with the memories of being on that jet when it wouldn't take off. That same pain rocketed through you every night as you were haunted by the sight of Jean finally swept into the oncoming flood. The feeling of grief ricocheted throughout the entire school. But you found your way to stay afloat. It was Logan, which you never thought of yourself admitting. But truth be told it was him. He was the most anchoring thing around you. Ororo distanced herself for the first month, while Scott cracked under the pressure of grief. Late nights dashing around the campus halls to the kitchen, out to the court where you two just talked. You had never seen him talk so much until you two became each other's support. It made you feel better seeing him smile more. Especially when it was at you. Again, you would never utter that truth EVER. At least that's what you thought. But his smile was a nice reminder of all of the light he held inside of him. As much as he despised ... everything, he was still so nurturing in his own ways. Nightmares were an excuse for him to be next to you. Nightmares were his excuse to hold you tight to his chest. The pain of loss was a collective "excuse" between the two of you to just .. be close.

Soon though, this ideal predicament between you both started to crack. Because even though she was dead, you still knew you would always be inferior. It may be all in your head but the hate kept you driven. It kept you driven but also mad. Small things would set you off soon enough. You knew deep down whenever he'd look into your eyes, it was a nice reminder of Jean. Even with how much he denied it when you came to him in tears, your bitter pain and grief clouded your judgment.

Logan saw that even with his help you were still hurting. He didn't want to get involved in it entirely as some of it was your own demon. But he saw how bad your spiraling was and still wouldn't accept his help. Not even from Ororo or Scott, not even the professor. Neither of you would admit who started the argument. It was late, and you were tired from pushing yourself to grade papers. Logan couldn't sleep and wandered his way to your classroom of course. The conversation was fine until he mentioned the problem. Your problem which you didn't want to deal with right now. As you were only running on a few hours of sleep. But even with Logan's usual "take and give no fucks" attitude, he knew he needed to push. You were slowly shutting yourself off this time, and he didn't expect himself to be a part of that mix. It was all a misunderstanding, but the two of you were angry and fire was thrown.

Your shared feelings were complicated. This whole ordeal with him brought out the "worst parts" of your love for him. He too was dealing with his internal dilemma. How could he move on from Jean and you were still latched onto the idea of her? It was a stupid question that was brought up in a Logan way, which of course caused the spat to escalate. His poor mistake was what he shouted. Already with the fear of waking one or even all of the students, you hated what he even dared to utter. "We're friends, you need to calm down about this whole obsession thing bub!" Originally you were thinking of just heading to bed. You were too tired to continue on with this constant bickering. But that's when you exploded on him. You regretted every last word you said to his face. Because it was you speaking your honest truth. About what you felt for him, about your hurt and your pain. How Jean was practically your lifeline. Losing her was like losing a piece of yourself. Especially since you rubbed it in about the kiss he and her shared. That you had seen and that made you sick to your stomach. A couple hours later she was dead. Your heightened emotions make you feel almost dizzy. The more you talked the more you realized his expressions distinct shift. As he was reaching out for you, you immediately swatted his arm askew. He didn't realize he hated to see you cry as much as he did until now. With broken sobs, you ran out of your classroom. The papers once stacked neatly were now laid messily all over your desk. You made sure to keep quiet. What broke your heart even more was a half-awake Rogue you ran into. She looked even more awake seeing your distraught state. Her feet tip-toed against the wooden floors of the hall before she looked at you. A big reason you and Logan were so close too, was because of Rogue. She was a good kid, he always rubbed off on her. He told you everything about how he and Rogue met. You were so enamored hearing him recount even the foggiest of memories. It could even be arguments with Scott he had, you'd just sit there with wide eyes as you listened. His word became your gospel. It warmed you to your core hearing him almost sound like a dad. He had looked out for her from the beginning. You always tried to do the same even when he left for Alklai Lake for answers.

It was so silly when she had practically pushed you and Logan to talk. She was just a kid and you two took up the almost suto role of her protectors. Friend or parent, she too found two trusted people to confide in. So you immediately went into "teacher mode" as soon as she saw you with watery eyes. She looked puzzled when her face met yours. You calmed down her storm of questions as she sputtered on and on. What's wrong? , is something happening? Are you okay? The hug you shared was one of the last meaningful hugs you had with another living being. You practically cradled her in your arms as you helped her calm down. She looked up at you, her larger brown eyes almost like the ones of a puppy. "Please don't be lying to me... y'know ah don't like liars." She whispered softly, her bubbly southern accent quiet. Your heart broke into a couple more pieces as you lied through your teeth. With a content nod, you bidded her a goodnight. Turning back to your room to drown your sorrow in god knows what. It had only been a good couple of months after Jeans' death that a mission arose. The X-men were laying low after everything at the base. For the school's and students' sake. But it was always on time when something bad happened for the team to fix. Old enemies came a-knocking and this time it wasn't Magneto. It was all supposed to be an in-and-out operation. You immediately clamored to get your hands dirty once again. You and Logan hadn't been talking for the last couple of days. Not even meeting in the dead of night to speak to another. You longed to hear about his afternoons subbing with Storm. This was your chance to regain some well-needed level-headedness. The thrill of doing what's right for a better tomorrow always made you feel better The mission even got Scott to come out of his puddle of mourning. Making you feel even better seeing your good friend so triumphant as he quickly clamored for his uniform. You and Logan didn't even brush shoulders as Storm and Scott dashed off to prepare the jet for takeoff. Everything should have gone fine. You should have all made it out alive. Every single one of you, that's what you had planned. Your lapse in judgment will always be your curse. Because now here you were, in the lap of the man that made your stomach churn. That made you feel LIKE that silly schoolgirl feeling you despised. Snapping back to reality, you realize where you are currently laid. Logan's eyes eased from his previous panicked look of fear as he saw you conscious. You were still bleeding but it seems that with quick medical attention either one of them got it to lessen. Your heart raced as you felt the warmness of his hands as they pressed against your cheeks. "Come on, there you go. Just focus on me." He cooed to your heaving chest. In the far back of the jet, you couldn't see Ororo or Scott. What you could see though was the remnants of blood on Logan's suit. He must have carried you off of the rubble and into the X-jet. Your smile was nothing compared to the horrid wince that left you. Finally, after this long moment of ease, the pain set in.

Going down to hold your gut, you shuddered as your vision all of a sudden wavered. You took in a sharp breath as finally, you noticed how in bad shape you were. Red filled your palm as you shuddered. Thankfully Logan noticed you and your shaky breath and immediately gripped your hand. Even in this state, you were currently in, you would always be able to focus on him. "I know, I know it's scary. You got hit pretty bad, but it's okay. Just focus on me and you'll be okay? I have you." He encouraged softly with that comforting rasp in his throat. His eyes were shaken and his lip was firm. Though his mood lightened somewhat because at least now you were awake.

You tried to speak but you were so weak. That same fatigue stung you as you stumbled over your words. He cradled you in his arms as he kept his eyes only on you. Your weary mind still around belittling you, another one of your eerily humane curses. He saw your chest quicken and lip quiver as your eyes began to lull, you were struggling. "Hey .. don't strain yourself - what is it?" He too began to worry as you saw his vulnerability bloom. Finally your chest steady as you took in one big breath of air. You let out the one thing keeping you from slipping back into rest in one huff. "Don't let me die, asshole." The asshole part came out more garbled from you after you coughed out your last words. Your last words before your eyes fell closed. For some reason, your hearing stayed for just a while longer. In and out, you could hear him cursing under his breath. The last thing you hear is Logan's panicked shouting at Scott, "Can this hunk of metal go any faster?!"

Finally, after so much pain, there was quiet. Peace and quiet after your constant heartache. You felt freed from the chains of reality. From birth to now, now seemed like your death. You left your current reality with a bitter-sweet smile as you felt consciousness swarm over you.

You couldn't feel how long you were out. Oh, but Logan could. Six weeks you lay in the infirmary. With some sort of miracle and hope, Ororo was barely able to stabilize you. The team rushed back into the mansion in panic as your wounds were assessed. But no, you couldn't feel the panic that coursed through your loved ones as you lay so peacefully. You didn't know your heart rate was being tracked. You were stable but anyone could guess it'd take you a while to re-reach consciousness. That your accident broke the barely well Scott Summers. But most of all it affected Logan to the core. He felt his world shake under him as he finally realized what had just happened. Something snapped in a man so stuck in his ways. Those words you said to him before you went back down. They were short but in the moment meant so much. Not to mention the fact that even Logan, so careless and free, was guilty. Every time he came back just to see you, he wanted to curl over and into you. Just like how he mourned Jean, he mourned you. Though .. he couldn't because you were technically still here. He may have not noticed it but everyone else could. The lack of your presence hindered him the worst. He missed the way you'd bother him out of the blue during the quiet time around the school. He missed you telling him about your life. He missed the shitty snort you did when you laughed too hard at one of his bad jokes. He missed seeing you happy. He missed seeing you move around. Pestering students for turning in assignments late or cheating. He missed the feel of your lips against his forehead when his nightmares of Jean flared up. He missed the way you looked at him. The way you saw him not only as a man but as himself. He didn't know how to admit it but he.. missed you. He missed you so bad and it was eating away at him. He spent hours out of his day visiting you. Like what you two always did when you were alone, he talked. About his day, what he ate, and even the lessons he overheard. The school got even quieter with you gone and he hated it. He felt bitter and broken, he didn't want to feel like that. He especially missed the way he felt with you. Almost like being on cloud nine. He finally understood the pain you felt when Jean died. This time on a more intimate level than he'd like to admit. He felt like the moon was ripped away from him after the sun. Now he was just the lonely tide, washing away against the shore until you returned. Ororo did all she could to help. All she could do was maintain your physical well-being as your body healed with rest. Logan hated the wait. The time you spent not walking around the halls of the school was maybe one of the worst times in his life. Since it hit him so deep on a real level. In this array of pain and even more guilt, he felt something dawn on him as you were still comatose. He was in love with you, Logan was in love with you. He felt like an idiot but the realization would always stay true. No matter how stupid he felt. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew. In the middle of his thought process, he heard the swift slide open of the infirmary doors.

Right now he was standing over you. The one thing that kept his spirits high about your recovery was the gentle rise and lower of your chest. He didn't have to look behind him to know it was Storm. She too had taken her time checking in on your unconscious form. He sighed as she walked up right beside him. She gently cupped the examination table where your body would lay. She looked down at her hands with a bitter-sweet smile on her lips. She looked over to Logan, who was at a pause with himself. She decided to finally break the long silence. "You know they'll be fine, right?" She hummed as she glanced up to look over you. He chuckled softly as his brow pinched. His chuckle came out more like a rugged scoff. "I know, this just feels weird." He sucked in a breath of stale air. "It was funny the first night you arrived at the mansion.." Storm drew up a memory of that fateful night. "As soon as I and Scott brought you in, they immediately volunteered to help Jean down here with your examination. They were always enamored with your set of abilities. You were one of a kind to them especially, I suppose." Now his hands gripped into the sides of the examination table. He looked down, in pity of you and himself. How could he be so blind? Storm butted in once more as she noticed his demeanor shift. "All I'm saying is, they'd be happy to know how much you worried." He nodded in response, reminiscing when things were good. From your first encounter to now, his heart warmed. "I'd do it for anyone else." He gritted out as he bit back a smile. The truth was he was still in agony about Jean's loss. It felt wrong to love you as he had longed for her after all of this time. But you felt like a whole different story. He didn't have to sit in agony knowing that no matter what his love would always be with another. You always gave him the time and day, hell even down to the minute to just be honest. He needed you at his side no matter what you were to him. Maybe you were more than a friend, maybe he was crazy about you, but you understood him. In a way maybe Jean never had. Ororo knew he needed more time so she complied with the awkwardness in the air. "I'll give you some more time. Rest easy Logan, they'd want that." She insisted before making her way out of the infirmary. He immediately looked down back at you, before looking back at the monitor tracking your heart. He sighed, biting into his lip. He stuttered the only thing that had been keeping him sane since he last felt your eyes open. "Don't fail me now dimples... I need you." He gritted as his teeth were practically ground into his gums. It has become a regular part of his routine now. Once the students were back in their dorms for the night, down to the infirmary he goes. He could never be tired of seeing you at rest. Seeing you okay and not in pain. He just wished he could hear you speak. He hoped that you could hear his pleas for you to wake.

As much as he longed for you he just bided his time. Like the fool he was, like the idiot he felt like when you made him so weak. You made him feel the most human he ever could feel.

That day was supposed to be a normal day. Classes had been more and more brief. After the loss of Jean and you being "put out." But he did not expect to see what he did next. Going into the elevator to head downstairs, to of course see you as always. He was ready to talk about what you missed away and so on. His chest tightened once he saw what was right in front of him. It was you, you were walking? You were awake and on your own two feet. Your midsection was still bandaged but at least you were standing up straight. But then it finally clicked. Wait, you shouldn't even be walking around right now?!

He immediately ran to steady you once your expression went more absent. "Welcome back to the land of the living." He roughly inquired with a small, pleased grin. "I feel like shit, so don't start with me Wolvie." You gritted out with that smile that made him too feel all good on the inside. Quickly, his arms calmly wrapped around you. He longed for your embrace for too long. It wasn't like you were fighting him when he enacted this. You wrapped your arms around him too. He made sure not to squeeze too tight with your bandages and all. A gentleman must stay mindful, he could recall you poking at him as he had a beer bottle half hidden in his jacket.

Your head gently rested in the crook of his neck. That quiet he hated so much before when seeing you in the infirmary was warmer now. He liked the peace and quiet between the two of you when you were there WITH him. After some minutes passed, you met him back face to face. You eyes lingered as you watched the way he swallowed in with composure. You had longed for him to see you. Finally, all the puzzle pieces were clicking, and with your luck all at once. You knew before this would have never happened. It felt wrong and almost hurtful for you to be doing this. But go big or go home I guess. It was you who initiated it, and he gratefully complied. Still keeping you steady, once your lips met his hand immediately went to cup your cheek. In the bliss shared, all of a sudden it felt right. The tender embrace of your lips with his felt good. It was hungry and it was liberating. You could feel his heart beating out of his chest as quick gasps for air were taken. "I'm sorry." He uttered out, forehead against yours. "I know." You said with a sanguine look in your eye. "I love you." He uttered again at a rapid pace. "I know." You purred, your eyes looking back into his hazy ones. Things would always be complicated between the both of you. But deep down you had hope. Maybe not now, someday things could just be normal between you and The Wolverine. That's all you wanted and that's all you dreamed of. Yours and his timing by all means was horrible. So it wasn't surprising this delightful moment got interrupted by Scott of all people. You and Logan looked back, hands immediately darting off of one another. Time to address THAT later.

Scott's mouth fell agape as he began to regret coming down here in the first place. He readjusted his glasses with a small scowl. "Well hello to you too, and Logan." He turned his head to give him that same look. "Wanted to check on you but clearly -" He made sure to put a specific emphasis on 'clearly.' "That job has been overtaken by him.. I'll get Ororo." Before either you or Logan could interrupt him, Scott was already pressing buttons up to the main floor. Now that it was just the two of you bubbling laughs were shared. You felt finally okay. You felt like yourself after those months of nothing but remembrance. You and The Wolverine wormed back into conversation as you could finally talk BACK to him. Another thing you wouldn't ever admit was that yes, you did hear him. His gentle words would always be your favorite secret. After that display of affection though, your and Logan's bond never stayed just a little secret after that. Even after all the trial and error, and the more soon to come, you finally had another moment. Another moment that you could look at when you are older and with more grays on your head. Logan Howlett was yours, no matter how much the universe wanted to throw you around a loop. You'd always have him by your side, till the end of time. Nothing would stop you from cherishing this connection. Not even the burning phoenix crackling over the horizon. You and Logan against time baby.

ꔫ✉ reblogs/interaction is appreciated <3

[martuzzio]

HERMITCRAFT CATCHPHRASES

Hi, here's a (hopefully comprehensive) reference list of hermit catchphrases! The main goal here is to help writers and artists who (like me) might struggle with getting the characterization of some hermits right. Check out more info at the end of the post!

Note: this list updates a lot whenever I get new suggestions, which means reblogs aren't always fully accurate. I've linked this post to the top of my blog so it's easy to access the most recent version :)

Bdubs Shreep / uh-oh, gotta shreep! Crastle I love ya to death It’s gorgee Beyootiful Uh oh! Hell’s blazes! Hawsies YOU'LL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO! Shuddup! Judas priest! Bdubs' PERFECT REDSTONE!! What in the world! Holy cow! Nuh-uh! Hoimycraaaaaf Whimsy Trying my heart out

Beef EEskall That was my nickname in college! Nailed it! Dangit! Beefy Tunes Smelly Etho Opulent Etho? Oh, yeah, I own him Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Beef taught Etho about redstone Oh my goodness! Oh boy! What the heck Oh, baby! Quote unquote A ton of __

Cleo Class dismissed! I don’t need your stinky torches I will break your legs Trash is fish The answer to everything is leather pants Not because it’s the sand castle you deserve, but it’s the sand castle I need! What did you do, Joe…. It's FINE, everything's FINE Lovely Silly I mean... Not gonna lie... To be fair...

Cub DA CREAMADA CROP Alright guys Nice, nice Ladies and gentlemen / ladies and gentlemen, we got ‘em Eeeeasy money Beautiful, absolutely beautiful Mmmmmhmmmmmm Holy smokes Let's goooo! Sweet Oh, baby! Man, oh man Without further ado Peace out Cheers / cheers, man There's some heat coming off that thing

Doc Are you kidding me now? Alright guys Can’t touch this The G.O.A.T. Etho, get to the damn land man! It all started when Grian touched my redstone… Epic

Etho Uh-huh Like-a so Oh snap Get your snacks! Holy smokes! Take care, have a good day, bye bye Aww snappers! Aww yeah Von Sway I barely know ‘er! Speaking of llamas Bright blue bamboo E. to the T. to the your mum Beefaroni / Beefers Speaking of llamas… That’s what she said! Free glass Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Suckerrrr! Check it out

False Blimey Awh dude Frick False Supremacy Oh my goodness I don't know about you guys, but... Props to __ I'm not gonna lie...

Gem Gem is great Her [name] is [adjective]! Gem will __ ("Gem will watch Impulse") Perfect! Epic It's true, I swear! Not gonna lie... Oh gosh! Trust the process Nailed it!

Grian Hello! My name is Grian Good… byeeeee! Pesky bird My heart! My little heart! Mumbo Mumbo you are AFK Can we just agree that Mumbo loses? What in Queen Elizabeth’s shiny crown was that? It wasn't me, it was the man in the chicken costume! SaAaaaAaAnd Chobblesome SCAR NO— / NO SCAR— In theory… Electric boogalooo What does this button do? What on earth? This is in shambles Get outta here! Hear me out... We don't have __. What we DO have is __ Just straight up Without further ado Crack on Bingo bango Yes. 100%

Hypno Right, right Mmhmm You guys Dang guy

Impulse What’s goin on everyone? Shovel Shuffle BEHIND YOU GEM! Peeps Geez Let's goooo! Are you kidding me? Oh, man Now we're talkin'! Holy smokes Oh my gosh How cool is that? Jeez! Dang it! Buddy Presi (for present) You bet!

Iskall Hallo -skall ("richskall") That’s mega / that’s looking absolutely mega Omega “Excuse me? Sir?” __ of doom Okay, lol And I will see you dudes in the next episode I’ve had a realization Oh for goodness sake! It’s not fat, it’s big-boned Not gonna lie SaAaaaAaAnd Very fine Great success! Bird poop Bumbo Cactoni Do you even bust? / Do you even bust bro E Pag

Jevin Hypno smells! Oh my god Sucker What the heck Dude Man I swear

Joe Howdy y’all! That’s the Joe Hills difference! I will now say a poem of my own devising Core concept Keep adventurin’! Time skip! Who’s the guy who conquers death? That’s Joe Hills No not rage quitting I have to pick up my daughter from school or my wife will rage quit me! Grow Hills / Expand Joe Joepacity / Jhost

Keralis Look into my eyes and nothing but my eyes Wanna buy a book? Spank you very much Just sit back, relax, and enjoy Like this, like that I can see my house from here! Bubbles, Shashwammy, Sweetface, Princess Lookie lookie at my cookie / lookie lookie at my cookie… no, please don’t Like-a so I love your face I’m a real boy! I don’t k-nove (know) Not like this! Booshes Clever girl But first… lemme take a selfie I’m sinking… mayday mayday we’re sinking! Hallo yes dis is de German coast guard what are you sinking about? Scary harry larry I’m alayve! Breathtaking — no you’re breathtaking Mm-kay Oh behave I’m a simple man MeOOOow Welcome to my humble abod-ee Not too shabby My face! My palms are sweaty, mom’s spaghetti Tag 2 Booga Booga Stiffy nipples Batman! First I was afraid, I was petrified...

Mumbo I worry about myself sometimes I'm not really quite sure if I like that or not Yeah… yeah that's looking good… I guess… Dude! Chuffed to bits It’s a bit pants I’m such a spoon Oh my word It’s quite simple, really / it’s actually quite simple Bonkers I’ll catch you in the next one. See ya Off you pop Oh goodness me! Hermit challenges — initiation! All done and dusted To be frankly honest Seriously seriously cool Absolutely nuts I don’t even know what to say Iskall I feel sick Peace, love, and plants Moon’s big Mumbo for Mayor Quite simple

Pearl Lovely Bonkers At this point... Cheeky / you cheeky What's this? Mate

Ren Now we’re cooking with gas / we be cooking with gas today Ladies, get in line! / ladies, gentlemen, everybody get in line! You picking up what I’m putting down My dudes Y’know what I’m sayin’ Coming atcha frommmmmm Dude Coming from left, right, and center Greetings cyberdogs and citizens of the Interwebs, this is Ren-diggity-dog comin at ya in another episode from the Hermitcraft server (ey!) Automagically Jazztastic Janktastic Oh baby Like nobody’s business Looking absolutely magnificent Anyhoozle Twaddle Renstone The Octagon is a well-oiled machine! [word]-age [word]-ation [word]-i (to make things plural You love / hate to see it I'm just sayin' / if you know what I'm sayin' Professional __ Jazz Anyhoozle Exqueeze me? Freakin' Some serious __ What's happenin', baby? Chesticles

Scar Scarred for life Woah, what in the world! It’s gonna be am-ay-zing LOOK at the siiiiize of that Well, hello there my fellow miners and crafters, GoodTimesWithScar here. Welcome back to the wonderful world of Hermits and crafting Don’t forget to subscribe or you might just become scarrrred for life! Looking super fancy Let’s hit super fast build mode! Look at the size of that Appreciate ya Hotguy! Operation: Aquathunder! That’s what she said! Rapscallion You silly goose Oh, sweet baby Jellie! Bayum! / Bam! The bee's knees Easy peasy, orangey squeezy

Stress Are you havin’ a giggle? / are you takin the mic? Mate Oh my god / oh my gosh / oh my good gordons Gorgeous Plonker Geezer Ohhhhh nooooo! Yeeeesshhh I legged it Such a pro / I'm such a pro Proper __ Cheeky Bloke Thingamajig Ain't [word]-age [word]-ies

Tango Happy fun sauce -ificator, -inator, -ness, -tastic Skadoodle Fearsome bunny slippers Noob juice So here’s the deal Holding shift Shwoop Flim flam Poop came out Extra dumb with dumb sauce / __ of extra dumb Flee with extra flee! / fleeing with terror! Boom booms Gah! The dungeon is ready for its next victim Behold! Results may vary! I think my math is correct, but it’s been known to be wrong This is the worst timeline. I hate everything Big no! You— you freak of nature! Jerkface Jerkbutt Excellent How embarassing This is true Zombert Bits This I gotta see! Right in the face! [word] is happening Yeah baby! Stupid jerks Boop This is the best / worst thing ever! Niner niner niner [general unintelligible noises]

TFC What in tarnation! Crap-tacular Humongous Butt-ugly Ugly as sin Oh, goody Ender-twits Bugger Oh, fart For crying out loud

Wels Words are hard If you will Super __

xB Aww yeah Mmkay Son of a biscuit Pretty frickin' __ Man Get frickin' wrecked! Chestacle Dang it Staaph it Oy vey Crap on a cracker Dang it, Bobby! Dang guy

Xisuma Oh goodness me Oh dangit Geez Peeps I’m such a derp Oh my days Chooturial Issooma Allo Woa’ah Brought (instead of bought) My dude Achacha

Zed Hello hello hello A-good a-bye Muckin' about I lied TaaaAAnnGoOOooooOOOo Hu-jah! Pretty darn __ Certainly Rubbish I'm [word]-ing [word] me [word]-iness What happens is... Get kersplatted! Epic Oh my goodness!

More Info

So I'm currently writing a HC fic and realized how little I know about some of the hermits (I unfortunately don't have time to watch all of them), which made it really difficult to depict them properly in my writing. I'm assuming at least some of you might also struggle with this, so, here we are!

If you know of a catchphrase from any hermit from any season, comment, reblog, send me a an ask or dm, dm me on discord, whatever works the best :D

Note: when I say "catchphrase," I mean anything a hermit repeats over an extended period of time. It can be something said during a single season (like "You'll speak when spoken to!" or "Hermit Challenges!"), or something that spans their entire careers (like "Aww snappers!" or "Plonker"). I'm not looking for one-off quotes that are never bought up again — there's some great sources (like @hermitcraft-correct-quotes) for that already :)

Sources (which will hopefully expand with time): This reddit post from four years ago This other reddit post also from four years ago Reddit from three years ago This cute diagram A more up to date source Another Xisuma's dictionary on his website HC character tv tropes page This incredible google doc

[transfemzedaph]

i wrote beef/keralis finally bc. got insipred by some art. anyway. here.

"Ooh Beefers," Beef sighs slightly, turning to face Keralis, "C'mon K, I'm busy. Can't you come back later?" "Hmm," Keralis pretends to think, stroking their chin as they do, "Nope!" They slings one arm around Beefs shoulders, "You Beefers, need a break." Beef tries to shrug them off but Keralis just wraps their other arm around the front and clings onto Beef. "Ah ah ah, it's breaak time for my little kebab." "Keralis." Beef groans. "At least let me finish this?" Keralis looks down at the map in Beefs hands before plucking it from Beefs hands. "Nope! Break time! Right now!" Keralis tucks the map away carefully into their enderchest as Beef slightly pouts at them. "You'll get it back after a break." Keralis crosses their arms pointedly. "And maybe also after a kiss." Beef eyes roll at that comment but Keralis can see the hint of a blush dusting along Beefs cheeks. "Fine. Break time and smoochy time." Beef wraps an arm around Keralis' waist and plants a kiss on their forehead. "But only if I also get Papa K cuddles."

[ochrearia]

"Bell Ringing II"

Not quite the original prompt I had in mind from last night buttttt it's something. Going around the list I guess, focusing on one or two of the BFs with YS instead of always writing stuff with absolutely everyone in it. Yeh. I like Bell Ringing II

BFs in this drabble: sfa!BF (Peacock, Shed's), S2!BF (Bee, Isaac's), Yourself (YS)

Maybe there was some merit to the whole musical emotions thing after all. Though maybe he wasn’t doing it in the same way as Biff’s girlfriend was. It was easy to just throw magic around now, projecting a song out of his head instead of wasting his phone battery. Suppose there was always something rattling around in his head, because the alternative of being alone with his thoughts was shit he didn’t want. So he was here, bed vacated in favor of the floor and his back against the wall gently. Eyes closed, song boosted by magic swirling in the air. A memory that was still entirely somber, but better than thinking about the alternative.

“I can feel your eyes staring at me.” Yourself sighed, the back of his head against the wall. Something about keeping his eyes shut was favorable when the world around him was bleak. “Suppose you may have come for some advice? I’ll have to regretfully inform you I’ve got nothing in me today.”

“Do you think advice is all you’re good for?” His question was answered with another question instead. Peacock’s voice was still new, but the other standing by was even newer. “What if we just wanted to hang out?”

“There’s always something to be seeking advice for.” YS replied simply. “People don’t just hang out with me. There’s always something to ask. People are drawn to ‘hanging out’ with me because there’s already a question on their mind.”

“I don’t think so.” Bee replied softly- that was the newest voice. Another day, another BF instance. Seeking out more selves for the feeling of acceptance from someone, anyone. Himself. “We’re all worth more than one hat trick.”

“Not much to me.” YS grumbled, lolling his head around and resting it in his drawn up knees. “There isn’t much good that I actually do. Funny how always being reminded that your existence causes damage, causes damage both ways. Though suppose I only really care about the damage I end up doing. What’s the point of me if I can’t help fix things? Take them apart more? No. I think I’d rather be useless.”

YS couldn’t see it, but Peacock and Bee exchanged looks. They were the newest additions to the ‘family’ of sorts. Truthfully, they had volunteered to come. Biff had mentioned in the group chat that something was wrong, that the tall one was losing his grip on his emotional walls because he could feel negative emotions that weren’t his. Apparently the longer any of them were around and dimension hopping, the more emotionally connected they got. It made sense that Biff was the first to know. Eventually the others started agreeing, with the last two not quite sure what they were talking about. But they were struck with a strange sense, wanting to help already without having done much talking to YS in the first place.

They picked out sides, and sat down with him. YS’s magic didn’t falter in the slightest, nor did he feel any reason to open his eyes. They were new but he didn’t have any reason to distrust them. They were in his world, anyway. Bee had been insistent on being the one to help him instead of the other way around when they first met. Peacock, with the knowledge of him from Beefer, wasn’t threatening. If he’d been any kind of supernatural being who hated angels, he would’ve done something about it by now.

“I don’t know why you guys continue to keep trying.” YS chuckled lowly. “My bad days should have never become something you all took turns helping me with. That’s not part of the plan. I am here to help everyone else. What I get up to in my own mind is the problem of no one else but me.”

“Do you not know how jarring it is to hear, well, me, say that?” Bee asked sadly. “You keep talking about how you hate to be the thing hurting the rest of us, but you’re not considering that being so hard on yourself might be hurting us too.”

“It’s hypocritical.” Peacock frowned. “I’ve talked to the other BFs a bit. They really like talking about how quick you are to make them feel better. To tell them not to be so hard on themselves, to be kind. Giving it time I’ll probably be hearing that from you too. Why do all those ideas just not apply to you?”

“My problems are mine.” YS insisted. “It’s not your jobs to listen to them.”

“Well, pardon, but it’s not your fucking job to make our problems yours either.” Rebutted Peacock. “If that’s the logic you’re going to go with then be consistent. Either no one cares or everyone’s allowed to care, and we care. You can’t change that no matter what bullshit your brain’s saying.”

Stubbornness is a universal attribute. YS thought humorously with a small shake of his head. Maybe it was pointless to argue with people who clearly suffered from selective hearing with the things he said. There were contact points on each of his shoulders, warm and soft where Peacock and Bee had decided to lean their heads. Stupid, insistent, idiot selves. If he really wanted the things he was saying, why did he keep seeking more selves out in the first place? He knew they were all eventually going to come to the same stubborn conclusion. Bites with no venom. Ideas with no merit. Hollow thoughts.

“I… guess it wouldn’t hurt for you two to stay a little longer.” YS relented, finally letting his eyes open. Bleak and dreary as it usually was, contrasted with vibrant pops of blue at the bottom of his vision.

“As if there was anything you could’ve done to make us leave before we wanted to.” Peacock snipped, undertone playful. “You can’t just show up through our mirror, show us all these other worlds exist and then expect us to go home and forget everything. That’s like being given the opportunity to see the whole universe, all those stars and places beyond imagination and then saying never mind. You’re one of those stars whether you want to believe it or not.”

Hah. A star? YS was far too cold to be a real star. He was so much closer to the ringing of a bell, somber, cold, hollow. Making itself known without giving light that a star would. He wasn’t a star. Even if he could’ve been, he’d fallen into the fate of being more of a black hole without his wings anyway.

“We’ll get you to stop selling yourself short one day.” Bee decided. He seemed soft spoken, with not many words to say to people he didn’t know very well. That was fine. Maybe that just made the words he did speak more important. “The other mes are very determined to do that already from what I’ve heard from them. Count me in too.”

“And me.” Peacock nodded softly. “Don’t know what your goal is with how many of us you’re going to go find. But you seem to be on the smarter side. You know we’re all going to decide we want to help you, right? You don’t want to help yourself. But you are helping yourself, just not the actual you. That’s where we come in.”

YS chuckled again. Talking semantics with himself was ridiculous. The way they all had to overcomplicate their speech to make anything about this make sense was always a mood lifter. Slowly, he let his arms unfold from their place around his knees, snaking around to rest over their shoulders instead. He didn’t make any moves to pull either of them closer, but it seemed like they moved on their own to do so anyway. Might as well humor them.

“Not quite the fabled YS hug I’ve been hearing so much about, but I’ll take it.” Came the tease from Peacock.

And somehow, that was the thing that managed to make YS’s concentration break. The spell he’d been keeping up to project the memory of that song dampened considerably in volume, becoming only a small background noise as he snorted out laughs. “Have you fuckers been gloating about my hugs? What the fuck?”

“The first four are, yeah.” Bee joined him in laughing. “Apparently you give hugs that are so good they won’t stop talking about it. I think you made them addicted, it’s kind of making me really curious…”

Morons, all of them. Goddamn.

(Bell Ringing II)

[moth-like-habits]

A bit of help // beetho, 1,253 words

cw// sword wound (not very graphic but it’s there)

It was a bad idea- a worse idea than normal. In hindsight it was a rookie mistake, one that Beef definitely shouldn’t be making. All he needed was some wither skulls (would a beacon improve the opulence of the hacienda?) and he decided “hey why don’t I fly around, find a new fortress!” Sounded like fun, until he landed on the fortress walkway without seeing the wither skeleton behind him-which he payed for with a nasty slash on his back. And since he didn’t have his chest plate on- well let’s just say the wither effect can make for some painful injuries. But, if you think Beef looks bad you should see the skeleton-yikes.

That being said, Beef probably looks halfway to death if he looks anything like he feels. He’s not actually dying but an open wound like that isn’t exactly going to heal overnight. Most people would probably chug a few health potions and call it good but… well, maybe he’s old fashioned (he is VintageBeef) but he always prefers to tend to his wounds himself. It heals better, scars less, and- arguably best of all- doesn’t itch with the magic stitching you back together.

But that leads him to his current predicament: how in the world is he going to do this. He made it back the the hacienda and has situated himself in front of some decorative mirror in the living room (it’s got a gold frame, just screams opulence). The sword made an arc from his right shoulder to his mid spine, just twisting around to see it burns. That would be due to the slight tinge black around the gash- a bit of lingering wither sickness. He really got himself into trouble huh.

There’s not a lot of hermits that Beef is confident in the first aid skills of- it’s only really the old school players that bother at this point. Regardless of that, this is something he should be able to do himself. He’s not a rookie, he’s had to do plenty of battlefield medicine in his time. He’s gone through worse. Beef’s known to be friendly and cheerful, yes, but he’s also got a stubborn streak- if he can do it himself he will. As a result not a lot of hermits have really seen him injured like this. Why start now?

Beef sighs and looks out the window. At this point it’s fairly obvious what he has to do but… it’s midnight, does he really want to wake him up? For a measly scratch? Unfortunately (or fortunately) the decision gets made for him as a wave of pain leaves him gritting his teeth. Here goes nothing.

[VintageBeef -> Etho] hey man can you come over? I might need some medical help

Last he checked, Etho shared this antiquated habit. Plus, he taught the man most of what he knows back in their mindcrack days. And besides all that… there’s no one he’d trust more.

~~~

Etho all but barges into the hacienda. He flew here as soon as he got the message- he wasn’t asleep, which he’s infinitely glad of now. Once inside Beef’s base he scans the room for his friend.

“Beef? Are you there?” Theres a pained “over here” from the living room and it’s all Etho needs to rush over. The scene he’s met with isn’t nearly as bad as he feared- which he mentally shakes himself for. Beef is sitting on some plush stool and grinning weakly at him.

“Hey Etho,” the grimace in his voice prompts Etho to shift from relief back to concern. A second glance around the room has his eyes catching on a standing mirror behind where Beef’s sitting. More specifically, the large slash through his white shirt and- are those blood stains?

He stops dead in his tracks “Beef- what did you do.”

“I didn’t mean too! I just may have accidentally got backstabbed by a wither skeleton! No big deal…”

With a shaky sigh, he’s sparked back into motion and comes to stand behind Beef’s stool and settles himself into a focus often reserved for long redstone projects. No distracting feelings right now.

“Alright Beefers, can you take your shirt off yourself or do you need help?”

“Whoa! A bit forward today eh?” He chuckles a bit, but it seems halfhearted. “…No, I think I’ll need help.” It’s an awkward (and painful) process but they manage to get Beef out of his shirt. Now able to see the full wound, Etho sucks in a breathe.

“Beef how- where’s your first aid kit?”

Beef wordlessly points to a box by the couch and once Etho settles back in behind him he responds “It’s just as I said. Backstabbed- or should I say back-slashed by a wither skeleton. I flew in and didn’t look where I was going. Stupid mistake.”

Etho hums his response, most of his focus going into cleaning wither bone dust out of the cut. It isn’t that deep, but the placement makes it hard to clean yourself- and with the wither residue it will just get more painful when left sitting there. By Beef’s tone it’s obvious he’s aware of all of this. “Happens to the best of us Beef, don’t worry. Bet the other guy looks worse.”

That brought a chuckle out of him at least. “Oh he did- didn’t have any skin on his bones!”

There’s a lull in conversation as Etho finishes up cleaning and dressing the wound. He can almost hear the thoughts running through Beefs head. If he knows his friend at all, he’s probably either annoyed he couldn’t handle everything himself or feeling guilty he had to ask for help. Or both. With everything wrapped up Etho packs up the supplies and fetches a new shirt. (Fortunately getting Beef into it is far less of a struggle)

Bring another stool around, Etho situates himself in front of his friend. “Out with it Beefers.”

His silence speaks for itself, but after a long sigh, dark blue eyes meet grey and red. “I’m sorry for dragging you here at void-knows what time for a wound I should be able to take care of- that I shouldn’t have even gotten-“

It’s an impulse decision. A more impulsive one than normal. Etho pulls down his mask and delivers a soft peck to Beef’s lips before quickly retreating. He’s positive his ears are bright red but he’s in good company because Beef’s looking a lot redder than he was a moment ago. A lot more speechless too, a small shocked smile lighting up his face.

“I- you- You kissed me!”

“Try not to self destruct there Beefers.” A lopsided smile. “You don’t need to apologize, I’m happy to help. You’d have made it worse trying to fix that on your own.”

“Gee thanks, I appreciate your confidence.” Beef rolls his eyes, all the while intertwining a hand with his. “But really, thank you anyway.”

The following silence is comfortable, both content to just sit with one of their oldest friends. It’s not too long before Beef yawns, the exhaustion from the day’s excitement finally catching up with him.

“Getting tired old man?”

“Hey- who you calling old!? …yes I’m tired. It’s pretty late though if you want to just stay here for the night…”

“Who’s being forward now, eh Beef?” And the answering chuckle chases away any last worries Etho had for the older. They both made some quick decisions today but in hindsight Etho would say his turned out pretty well.

[siriannatan]

“Can you come and get me right now . . . please?” - BeefEtho

As with the whole series, the prompt was found @deity-prompts

I just could not delay posting this one.

Warning: PTSD, panic attack (I think these are the closest to what happens)

AO3

When Etho assured Beef he was perfectly okay to go and pick up their lunch while his lovely angel of a boyfriend continued fighting their new apartment he might have overestimated himself. Or to be more precise, he overestimated his own ability to handle people without Beef right next to him. He got overwhelmed the moment he stepped into the coffee shop.

There weren't that many people inside but still far more than Etho would ever be comfortable with when alone. He somehow, by some in no way small miracle, managed to grab their order and leave the shop. Getting back home was not something Etho saw himself as able to do. Even getting to the nearest, completely empty bench and taking it all to himself with the help of his bag of sandwiches and a tray of coffee cups was a big thing right now. And he even didn't curl up. And managed to pull out his phone and pick Beef's number on the first try.

"Hi E, how..." Beef's voice did not make him feel better on its own.

“Can you come and get me right now . . . please?” Etho managed to choke out as his hands started to shake. His brain was catching up to that he was out. Alone. And nowhere close to anyone he was familiar with.

"Should I stay on call?" Beef asked, gentle and kind as he always was. Patient despite all the mess Etho was, and all the trouble and interruptions he caused... "E? Love?" slamming of doors and jingling of keys broke Etho from his spiral. 

"I should be fine... I'll call if it gets worse?" Etho managed to say while squeezing his thigh with his free hand. To stop himself from curling up. To distract himself from his brain telling him people were staring. They had better things to do than stare at him, he reminded himself what Beef always said whenever Etho got worried about that.

Beef did not hang up and chatted to Etho about wallpaper patterns and tiles of all things. They weren't even planning to put wallpaper on any of their walls and they were leaving all the tiling as it was for now. But, as random as the topic was, it managed to distract Etho's brain until Beef cut through the crowd. Overalls half undone, covered in lavender paint. There was some on his beard too but Etho was too busy trying to not break down right then and there.

"I'm here," Beef gentle, kind, stable. The only thing keeping Etho from crumbling down in all ways and senses. "Let's get you home?" he wasted no time grabbing the bags and offering Etho an arm to hold on to. "We can go as slow or fast as you need," he assured the moment he saw how unsteady Etho was.

"I'm sorry..." Etho mumbled, he tried to walk on his own but almost instantly had to rely on Beef to stay upright. "I'm a nui..."

"How about we order pizza for dinner?"

Etho just nodded, putting all the endurance he had left into at least walking. Being carried all the way back would be the worst. "'Love'ya Beefers..."

"Love you too E. A lot and no matter what." Etho would never admit how much these words meant to him... Maybe when Beef was asleep and could not hear him he would say something but for now, he was content to clutch onto Beef's arm on their short but very slow walk home. Their new home. Just theirs...

[vapemaster42069]

Follow up to this post:

“‘My dominance will be complete. I will burn this world to the ground’. … Isn’t that kinda dramatic?”

“Just go with it.”

“Bro, I would not say that.”

“The viewers don’t know you exist, currently. So, yes, you would.”

“You’re shorter than me, too. What is this, some evil drama kid version of me with a height complex and glasses? And a…” Hels’ eyes widened, his mask crinkling further up his cheeks in an echo of a smile, “oh my god, there’s a fucking rap battle! You’re gonna rap battle yourself? Are you serious!”

“C’mon, it’s cool!” Wels leaned back with a smile, letting Hels chortle for a moment, “And, yeah, unless you want to be on camera.”

Hels grinned. “Nah, this is much more entertaining.” He scanned the script further with gusto. “My destruction of all you love will be complete and methodical… For I'm your inner darkness, a knight diabolical – I’m okay with that part. I’m very okay with that part.”

Wels rolled his eyes with the energy of a scorned goose. “And you’re calling me a drama kid.”

“You absolutely are! Who was in band in high school, fucker?”

“You were in the DnD club!”

“DnD is cool!”

“Yeah, alright,” Wels scrunched his nose in a vain attempt to push his glasses up. “You keep telling yourself that, bud.”

“Bud. Buddy. Chum. Pal. Trumpet player.” 

“Bro. Homie. Muchacho. Monk main.”

“Muchacho?”

“Muchacho. Anyways. Thoughts? It’s the first script, so there’s room for edits, but it’s finally getting put in in the next few episodes.”

“Uhh.” Hels scratched his head, flicking some of his hair out of his face, “I think I should be cooler. You always get to be the hero, I get the wimpy loser parts.”

“Well, we’re going for realism here…”

“Fuck you, man,” Hels grinned. “But yeah, it does look cool. ‘Beefers like it?”

“Yeah, he’s down.”

“Baller.”

[stinkfacestories]

The Swamp-ass of Madness

The interview room was tiny and the heat had been broken so the sweat was running down Jason's back giving him an epic case of swamp ass.

"So what's it like to be a football center?" You ask him. You can see his disappointment. "I bet everyone asks you that. Don't they?"

He shifts in his seat "Everyone. In every interview ever asks me that. You can be creative" he says back.

"Alright. What's the worst thing about being a center? No no, what's the worst think about being interviewed as a center?"

He smiled. "Easy. It's the same for both"

You drank some of the complimentary water.

"It's trying not to fart"

You nearly choked, but you didn't want to spit all over Jason Kelce. "What's that?" You say after swallowing hard

"Farting. Ripping Ass. Beefing. I'm a big guy. Takes alot of fuel to keep this body going. Any given moment I have to cut one."

"Well that—"

"Big ones. Like dragons roar size."

"That—"

"Were talking the Hulk just ate a spoiled sour cream truck, and now he's trying to time his ass blasts with Thor's thunder so no one knows he's dropping gamma bombs"

You waited to respond. The silence was madness. You both began to laugh.

"You had me going there for a second" you said.

"Oh I wasn't kidding. My ass is the deadliest thing in the room." He looked around. "Move that chair. Your the last interviewer, so I'll give you a chance at something most sane people would decline"

After a few moments if moving things around, there was just enough room for Kelce to get into a proper stance. When he got up you could see the sea if sweat in his seat.

"You can probably smell it now that I'm up. I hate that they make us wear our gear for these things. They hardly ever get a good wash." He gave his ass a slap. The sweat rained between his legs. "Go on, no shotgunning it. Get in and see what I mean"

You got behind him. Leaning your head in you could feel the atmosphere change. It was like dipping your head in the ocean; only instead of cool water it was raw unadulterated man ass. It was musky, and sour. Dark and rich, yet heady like a skunky beer. Time had no meaning here. Your head was lost in a new realm. It was a realm of filth and stench, of heat and flesh. You were both repulsed to the point of puking, and oddly captivated to keep smelling, to see just how each new whiff was worst than the last.

You snapped back to reality when you heard Kelce call out. "You ok?"

You coughed, and fanned for fresh air. "Yeah. Ugh. Maybe. No one's going to believe that lived through one of Jason Kelce's farts"

"No you didn't" he said.

"What?"

"I haven't farted yet."

"But that reek."

"Yeah that's just what four hours of me sitting in my gear smells like. That was just the pre show. Here's the main event." Suddenly, Kelce shot backwards. For such a hefty man he moved so fast. Your head was pinned to the wall. Kelce wet ass oozed over you like stinking bread dough. "Here..."

You muffled in protest, but as soon as you opened your mouth the ass flooded in.

"It..."

You could feel his ass quiver in anticipation. He had been holding this in all day and was going to enjoy every second of it.

"Rips"

Kelce's guts let fly. He was beast. A monster. A long, yet low and slow bass note of growling gas pumped from his rump. His feet curled and his right eye drooped in pleasure. A steady stream of drool leaked down his bearded, caveman like face. When you hold it this long, letting it out is almost better than sex.

As the beefer slapped you in the face you struggled to get out of the wet crack of his ass. Much to your dismay, you only resulted in wedging your nose into Kelce's blast zone. His fart forced it's way into your nose. Such a powerhouse was it that you could feel your sinuses pressurize, and your eyes bulged as the excess gas escaped through your tear ducts. Your mouth, oh God, your mouth. You kept your lunges closed but that didn't save your tongue from tasting the toxic mélange of his ass. You could feel the stench touch your brain and burn the back of your eyes. Reality was fading. You swore you heard Kelce laughing a great belly laugh. Your mind was flooded with images of putrid swamps filled with dead trees, bogs of bubbling filth and sludge as far as the eye could see, and stenches — oh so many stenches— a brown rainbow of smells and tastes to revolt the senses. Jason Kelce sat as God upon this land. He loomed high over the swamps, enshrouded in a toxic miasma of his own stench, sitting on a throne of shit, steaming in the caustic bog. He gazed his eyes down upon your suffering. He laughed. He laughed and clouds of bloat flies flew from his mouth and blotted out the sky, as rancid slime poured down the corners of his mouth into his filthy beard.

"Yo" you heard his voice and the sound of snapping fingers. "Hello? Come on."

Your vision was coming into focus. You could see Kelce standing above you. You were in the interview room, twitching on the floor. Your mouth foamed.

"What year is it?" You asked weakly.

Kelce smiled wide. "Now you know why I try not to fart in here."

"Is this real? Is this the bog if eternal stench?"

He leaned in closed. "... Did you see me on the shit throne there?"

You weakly nod..

"I had garlic chorizo last night, sometimes that happens when I eat sausage" he clapped you on the shoulder before lifting you up and setting you back in the chair.

"So.... Next question?"

[rayveewrites]

~~whats the recap dou doing these days?~~ seriosly tho whats up with etho and beefo?

“Beefers?”

“Hey, Etho,” noticing the odd look on his friend’s face, he followed this up with a question “what is it?”

“I think… there’s civilization.”

“Other people?”

“Maybe…” Etho sounded pretty unsure. Beef wasn’t sure if that was because he genuinely wasn’t sure, or if it was just his natural aversion to strangers.

Knowing Etho, it was probably the latter.

“Do you want to check it out?”

Etho hesitated, “if there are other hermits running around, we might be able to find them…”

“You could stay here while I go,” Beef offered. Etho shook his head.

“I’d rather we stick together. And I want to know if the others are okay.”

Beef could tell Etho really wasn’t up for dealing with people. Not today, in any case.

“Tomorrow?”

“I… yeah. Tomorrow. They’re not going anywhere.”

-

They paused on a hill above the small town, and Beef had a thought.

“Do you think I should take off the bloodstained apron?”

Etho just started laughing. “It took you this long to think of that?”

“Look, it’s been a while since I’ve interacted with unknown people! Give me a break, Etho, it’s not like you’re much better at this,” he untied the object in question and stashed it in his inventory. Sure, most people were pretty chill about it, but it did occasionally start things off on the wrong foot. They really didn’t need that at the moment.

“Are you ready?” Etho grimaced underneath his mask.

“Let’s just do this before I change my mind.”

[jorgaskr]

The Shake Down

Russ 'Little Troll' Fenrenson was the Nord you hired when you wanted to send a message.

"I hear you've worked up quite the bill at the Ragged Flagon" Russ said as he leaned in on the smaller imperial. His red hair was grungy from traveling. He had skipped bath day intentionally. The brick shit house of a Nord was more intimidating when he was radiating a potent stench.

"It can't be that high" The imperial said. He had his back to the wall. The stormcloaks had won the civil war, and all over Skyrim his kind had to put up with this.

"It's gotta be pretty high if they sent me to make you pay up." Russ leaned over the smaller man. He rest his left forearm on the wall behind him while keeping his clenched right fist on the other side of the imperials head. His skin was light, but with all the dirt in his skin you may have thought he was a tall red guard from a distance. He was wearing his troll leather vest. Nothing was under it. The cold never bothered him, and he loved to show off his arms. For the imperial this meant that on one side of his head was a clenched fist, and on the other Russ' ripe and furry pit. The winters chill was in the air, but it could have been the middle of a blizzard and Russ' pits would still be as juicy as a rotten snow melon.

"I'll pay. I'm getting my coins together. First thing this week I'll do is pay." The imperial tried to duck under Russ' fist, but when the meaty Nord punched the bricks, he juked the other way into Russ' pit; getting a full sniff of the pungent bouquet wafting from the gnarled patch of red and orange hair, and wincing a bit from the smell.

Russ saw the man's unfortunate position and grinded. He had two long braids in his beard, and when he smiled wide they made for the perfect frame for his yellow teeth. "You like that?" He said, his tongue running across his teeth. "Take a good long drink of what a real Nord smells like." The imperial paused, but when Russ locked his piercing hazel eyes on him, the imperial knew it was no jest. "Do it" he said, leaving no room for bargain.

The imperial closed his eyes and drank deep of the Nord's revolting odor. He could taste it more than he could smell it. It was salty and sour. There was a subtly heat behind it, like an compost heap in the height of summer— so many unidentifiable stenches, and not a single one pleasing.

"Like it?" Russ said.

"It's very," The imperial said. "Very strong. Just like you natives"

Russ bent his arm in and smeared his Pitt drippings on the man's face. He laughed loudly. "Nice way of putting it. I think it smells like a dead horkers arsehole myself. But if you love it then consider that some free perfume." He laughed again, inadvertently flecking the imperials face with spit. "Sorry. Here let me dry that off for you." He pulled down his head and summoned a deep belch from the darkest pit of his guts. He puckered his lips and blew it slowly into the imperials face, the deep bellowing rumble, like distant thunder, rolling just inside his throat. He had stopped at a shady ale hall— The Giant's Scraps— and had his fill of curried goat legs and sour brew. Add that to his stale onion loaf rations and you had yourself some punishingly offensive breath. The imperials eyes watered. Russ pressed his forehead in on the man's. "You should be thanking the nine that I had just let rip my afternoon beefer a few moments before I saw you, or else it wouldn't be my breath you're choking on cow-chucker."

Russ reached down and grabbed the Imperial by the groin and squeezed. The man gave out an audible, and high-pitched eek.

"You have till noon tomorrow to pay back everything you owe to the Ragged Flagon, plus a hefty bonus to them for picking such a fine and upstanding Nord like myself to deliver the message. Understood?"

The imperial nodded.

"If I hear that you didn't pay back every last Talos' forsaken septim: one night I'm going to appear at the foot of your bed and I'm going to spend do long popping your little snowberries between my finger that you'll think I'm making it a career" He squeezed his grip tighter.

"Yes. Very. Very clear." The imperial was on his tip toes now, his voice so high pitched that only dogs and wolves could hear the sheer terror in his voice.

Thankfully Russ was enough of a dog himself. He let the man go. He dusted off the Imperial shoulders a d straightened his collar. When he was satisfied with his work he leaned in close, putting his mouth to one of the imperials ears: "Run." He said softly.

The imperial took off like an imp out of oblivion.

"I fucking love this job" Russ said. He pulled out a flask of fermented mammoth milk and rinsed his mouth out. He let out a belch. The imperial was yards away, but Russ knew he heard it. Hell, he could probably smell it.

[hermittitties]

Going to make a list of tags here to remember whatever tags I made up for each hermit (hermits that aren't in this list I either have not found any titty art of yet or I forgot to add them here) (some tags may not have art in them yet I just want to remember them for future use)

#mantit celebration - manboobs tag

#i like women - womanboobs tag

#genderboob - genderqueerboob tag

#sent in - posts someone sent me

#docdonkers - Doc tag

#gritties - Grian tag

#mumboob - Mumbo tag

#scitties - Scar tag

#renbreasts - Ren tag

#zitties - Zedaph tag

#beefers - Beef tag

#iTits - Impulse tag

#xitties - Xisuma tag

#evil xitties - Evil Xisuma tag

#cleovage - Cleo tag

#falseboob - False tag

#geminitit - Gem tag

#chest monster - Stress tag

#ethitties - Etho tag

#joobs - Joe tag

[hmshermitcraft]

(Final part of Beeftho High School Reunion headcanon. Thanks for the reminder to write it!)

(Oops it got long. Sorry!)

The moon had past its peak and started falling towards the western horizon. The music faded as old friends said their goodbyes, heading their separate ways into the night.

"Well, uh, that was fun," said Etho, feeling unusually light and bubbly from the open bar.

"Thanks for coming with me," said Beef. "That was a lot less painful than I was expecting."

"You weren't even the only bachelor," said Etho, elbowing Beef in the ribs.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Beef with mock snobbery.

Etho chuckled.

The stars sparkled overhead as the two of them made their way back to their motel through the crisp night air. Their breath fogged in front of them as their boots crunched through the frosted grass that bordered the street.

"Hey Beefers?" asked Etho, kicking at the fallen leaves as he walked. "Have you ever thought about partnering with somebody for real?"

"Why would I need to?" replied Beef, sticking his hands further into his pockets. "I've got the Hermits. I've got the nHo. I've got Team Canada. What more could I possibly need?"

"I mean it could be nice for you," said Etho. "To have somebody who's there just for you and nobody else."

"Don't you go worrying about me," said Beef with a smile. "I'm very good at looking after myself."

"But what if it was me?" said Etho, pausing in the middle of the side walk.

"Huh?" said Beef, stopping to look back at Etho.

"Forget it," said Etho, shaking his head as he started up again. "I'm drunk."

Beef reached out to grab Etho's arm, stopping him before he could walk off.

"I said forget it," said Etho, face flushing with embarrassment as he tried to pull away. "I'm not thinking stra–"

Beef pulled Etho into a hug. His large, muscular arms, toned from years of building, wrapped themselves around Etho's lanky form. The smell of sweat mixed with the last whiffs of his aftershave, his scratchy beard tickling Etho's neck.

"Of course I want to be with you, you idiot," said Beef affectionately.

"Why?" asked Etho, standing stiffly in Beef's embrace.

Beef laughed. "Because I love spending time with you," he said. "I love working with you. I love hearing your weird stories. I love seeing how much you love your strange little projects, and I love it when you let me be a part of them."

"But you could have anyone you wanted," said Etho. "I'm not good at this stuff. Why would you want me?"

"Because I do, ok?" said Beef. "Now shut up and hug me back."

Etho obliged, relaxing into Beef's embrace as he wrapped his own arms around his back, gloveless fingers digging into Beef's soft hoodie. He burried his face into Beef's neck, breathing in his Beef-y scent.

Beef ran his fingers through Etho's hair, gently pulling through his messy locks. The younger man was so small in his arms, so unusually vulnerable. So unusually open and trusting. Beef pulled him closer as if to shield him from the world. He would not betray that trust.

Beef planted a kiss on Etho's temple. "Come on," he said gently. "We should get back to the motel. It's cold out here."

Etho groaned, reluctantly pulling away from Beef.

"I don't wanna go home," said Etho, shoving his hands back in his pockets. "I don't wanna go sleep and wake up and remember what a bad idea this is. I just wanna stay drunk and stupid."

Beef looped his arm through Etho's and started walking.

"Etho," said Beef. "As the people person of the pair of us, I can tell you it's not stupid."

Etho tilted his head onto Beef's shoulder, resting there in silence as they walked.

Finally, at long last, the motel came into view at the end of the street.

"Hey Beefers?" Etho asked hesitantly.

"What is it, Etho?" replied Beef.

"Can I do one last stupid thing?" said Etho.

Without waiting for a reply, Etho pulled down his mask, put a hand behind Beef's head, and pulled a surprised Beef forward into a kiss.

It was nice. It was warm, and soft, and caring. It was nervous but gentle. Just the two of them, alone in the stillness of the night, under the halo of a street lamp.

"Yeah that was stupid," Beef said as they broke apart.

Etho blushed, moving to put his mask back on.

"You know what else is stupid?" asked Beef, quickly putting a hand on Etho's.

Etho paused, looking up at Beef as Beef leaned back over. Beef let go of Etho's hand, raising his own hand to gently cup Etho's chin, pulling his face forward into another kiss.

This kiss was firmer, more sure of itself. It was more intentioned, but slowly fell apart as the pair succumbed to a mutual fit of giggles.

"What a night," said Beef, catching his breath as the giggles subsided.

"Thanks for inviting me," said Etho, smiling as he slipped his mask back over his face.

"Thank you for coming," Beef replied. "Anyway, we should actually get back to the motel now."

"Sleepy old man," teased Etho.

"You bet I am," said Beef. "But now I'm your sleepy old man. Ha! You're stuck with me now!"

Etho chuckled, looping his arm through Beef's as they headed back to their rooms.

(Fin)

"I'm not thinking stra–" yeah man you sure aren't

[ochrearia]

"Some Fuckin' Specimen"

I think I have a limit on how many BFs I can handle writing in 1 drabble before all of their characterizations start bleeding together in my head. It's bad. Please don't feel bad if I don't write your BF it's probably just because I don't know enough about them to feel comfortable not to get it wrong :diesbadly:

BFs in this drabble: PoPr!BF (Biff, mine), cs!BF (Beefer, mine), wyd!BF (Beef, Karl's), fc!BF (Boyf, Keyy's), sfa!BF (Peacock, Shed's), S2!BF (Bee, Isaac's), Yourself (YS)

Random days where you planned to be spontaneous were arguably the funniest days. A busy group chat when most of the collective partners were busy was already fun, but then Biff suggested they all invade Yourself’s apartment for the hell of it. Hanging out was an incentive too, but mainly to be obnoxious for fun.

Well, that was the idea until Biff got there first and realized they all had to be quiet. One by one they all showed up, enamored by the idea of being mischievous, only to find that their target of annoyance was incapacitated. Asleep, all curled up and buried so deep under his blanket that only the top half of his face was even visible.

“So much for that plan.” Beef sighed with a shrug. “We probably shouldn’t wake him up, I swear I’ve only seen that guy sleep one time and it was because we forced him with the indignancy pile.”

“He could’ve moved even with a bunch of us on him, I just think he didn’t want to.” Boyf responded using his text-to-speech.

“Anyone else not really wanting to leave either?” Peacock asked. “We’re already here…”

“Oooh, getting sentimental in here. Dumb band of BFs want to keep the sleeping lonely man company?” Biff teased. “Yeah, me too. Let’s stay.”

“Bro??? What the hell are you doing?” Beefer hissed, watching Biff climb onto the bed and also completely on top of the sleeping counterpart. “You’re gonna wake him up you idiot!”

“Nah, I got this, trust me.” Biff whispered back with a grin. “He’s only a light sleeper when he has a goal in mind. Or if you try to draw on his face with a fucking sharpie.”

“That was one time and I’m still pissed I didn’t even get to do anything.” Beef grumbled, folding his arms over his chest.

“My point, he’s not gonna wake up from this. He’s in a very serious and committed relationship with this weighted blanket. I know he loves this thing. You know what else he loves? Being warm. Contact. How do I know this? It gets obvious when anyone with a brain would still choose to give our dumbasses hugs when we don’t deserve them. That’s probably why he gives good hugs. Because he wants them just as much as he wants to offer comfort.” Biff said matter-of-factly, carefully shifting around and settling on top of YS. “Look. I’m just an extra weighted blanket for him!”

“I really hope he shifts and sends you flying.” Boyf typed, grinning at the mock offense it drew from him.

“You seem to know a lot about YS.” Started Peacock, also keeping his voice low. “More than the rest of us combined it seems.”

“Known him longest.” Biff shrugged. “Fought him. Didn’t really want to but when some freaky, tall as fuck copy of yourself shows up out of a mirror by smacking you in the face with a microphone, your first thought isn’t going to be ‘maybe this guy just wants to talk’. Glad we did end up talking instead after. I mean… I wasn’t very nice to him at the beginning either. We just get along so well now sometimes I forget I was kinda a dick at the start. Guess we’re all kinda prone to that.”

“Doesn’t look like he gives a shit about that now.” Beef waved a hand between them. “You apparently know him so well to be comfortable risking waking him up while the rest of us are sitting here all awkward and shit.”

“Are you guys afraid of trying to be close, or are you just not sure how to convey that? Or both?” Biff wondered aloud. “Do you think he’d like… reject you trying or something? Guys. YS literally sought you all out. He did. He came to us. Well, originally to me, I’m not entirely sure what made him decide to start reaching out to more but I’m glad he did! I like knowing more mes, it’s fun. But he wouldn’t have reached out if he didn’t want connections. It’s all in the similarities!”

“We haven’t known him as long as you have.” Bee mumbled. “It’s one thing to put up a front and be confident and outgoing when we have to, but vulnerability with someone we’ve more or less just met? I’m not sure we can just skip over to your level when Peacock and I’ve had a week at best, and those three having a few weeks or a month where you’ve had multiple months.”

“You have an advantage man.” Beefer complained, tail swishing back and forth. “It’s weird, meeting him was like having an identity crisis but now that I know he’s not a threat I’m jealous I’m clearly not as close as you.”

Biff frowned, eyes sweeping over the other five. He was right, they really were all kind of awkwardly standing around. He recognized that body language, it was nervous and hesitant like they didn’t deserve to reach out in the way they wanted to. Usually showing up when he personally had a fight with Cherry or Pico. Did they feel guilty? Or just out of place?

“Why don’t we all try something, then?” Biff said instead, deciding a deeper conversation was probably better to have when the subject of it was awake. “He’s asleep. He’s gonna stay asleep, probably for a while. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know he doesn’t sleep a lot so when he does he’s gonna be a while. That, and we’re all heavy sleepers. I think. Similarities thing, it can be wrong but usually we’re all similar. How about you all take turns offering this big ol’ idiot some comfort? Practice affection while he’s not able to tease you for it.”

The group exchanged looks, seemingly only half convinced. Biff rolled his eyes, the stubbornness of five of his selves all at once proving to be a nightmare. How YS put up with all six of them was a miracle. “Guys, come on. He’s not gonna kill you. Fuck it, Beef, come here, you can go first. Just offer him something, doesn’t have to be a big ass grand gesture or something. Think, what would you like the most when you want to be comforted?”

“Me?!” Beef hissed. “Why me first?!”

“Oh my god, fine, someone else then? You’re all overreacting, this is the same guy we are and we’re nothing but sweethearts really.”

“I’ll go first.” Bee volunteered, stepping closer with a tilted head to assess his move. “I can’t lie, I am really curious about him. It’s also kinda really funny to see this tall, lanky motherfucker curl up like a pillbug.” He snorted, reaching his hand out and burying it gently in the sleeping one’s exposed hair.

Somewhere along the line YS’s hat had slid off, falling behind his back. They noticed his phone left abandoned near his pillow, like he’d been doing something and had fallen asleep before putting it away. It was subtle, but his head shifted up slightly, moving to push unconsciously closer to Bee’s hand as he petted through his hair softly.

“Did he just-?” Tone full of disbelief, Bee stared between YS and Biff, who was grinning.

“Told you.”

“What just happened? Did I miss something?” Confused, Peacock crowded a little closer, followed by Beef, and then the rest.

“He moved into my hand. He’s asleep but he can still feel that?”

“Holy shit this is so funny. Everyone’s crowding him like he’s some fuckin’ specimen.” Biff snickered. “Well, I mean, he is. It’s still funny though. See? He likes affection. He’s just emotionally constipated and won’t say that out loud. Remind any of you of someone?”

“Is he just a Pico-fied BF?” Beefer asked. “I mean, I guess there would have to be one in the face of what, infinite universes?”

“Maybe.” Seemed likely to the others.

“Maybe he’s all three. Said himself once, to prove a point.” Biff pointed out. “Though he won’t tell me much of anything about the magic side of him. Aside from having magic like a GF. Maybe that’s why he calls himself ‘Yourself’. Because he’s a pretentious prick.”

“I think I’m getting whiplash from how sweet you talk about him one second and call him swears the next.”

“It’s funny!”

“Can I go next?” Beefer asked. “I don’t really have much to offer but, you know. I just… want to.”

No one made any protest, so the Dinaurian crept ahead. Thinking about what he would want in comfort, he managed to maneuver over Biff and the sleeping YS to get himself in a corner near the both of them.  The way YS’s bed was placed relative to the room was a bit odd, off center but not in a corner, meaning that whichever side he slept on meant his back was turned and exposed somewhere. That’s where Beefer planted himself- Guarding the exposed side. Comfort from protection.

“Don’t know about you guys, but sometimes it makes me uncomfortable when I can’t keep an eye out on every side. There’s no danger here, and it might just be because of my new instincts. But I like the idea of being protective.” Beefer explained quietly.

“Nothing wrong with that. That’s a nice idea.” Bee supplied helpfully.

“Man, I don’t think I can do the thing I want to do.” Peacock grumbled, putting a hand on YS’s shoulder- or where it probably was under the blanket. “You all keep talking about hugs. I like hugs, I’d probably say that would be my first choice. But I can’t hug the big guy like this.”

“Could just be nearby instead. Indignancy pile part two?”

“Yeah, good enough.”

Biff didn’t move from his ‘blanket activities’ while the rest started piling around the bed wherever they could manage. Being nearby, random little bits of contact that they could derive even though there was a thick blanket already covering the guy. And how was he not burning up with heat at this point? Guess he wasn’t joking about liking being warm.

“We should do this more.” Beef said, rubbing comforting patterns against YS’s back. “I mean, maybe not every time he’s sleeping, fuck- I meant like, hang out, I made it weird-” He paused suddenly, and the others just thought it was out of embarrassment.

In reality, the boy was incredibly confused at the weird bumps on YS’s back his hand grazed over.

He didn’t get to linger on that thought though, because the longer that he gave his comfort, the more YS unconsciously shifted. Going to bed alone, only to be given warmth and affection while he slept. No waking inhibitions to keep himself composed, which was probably why his body was moving without his brain to uncurl and straighten out. Back pressing just a little into where Beef was rubbing, head continuing to tilt slightly into Bee’s hand. If there was comfort, he was chasing it.

“He’s gonna kill us when he wakes up isn’t he?” Peacock asked with a snicker, keeping his hand on his shoulder. “The big guy is rather insistent to pretend he’s mysterious and scary and now we’re here seeing him absolutely vulnerable. He’s going to get mad.”

“He can bitch and complain all he wants, not going to fool anyone.” Biff rolled his eyes. “That’s what we all do. We’re softies that don’t want to admit we’re softies. He is so insistent to believe he’s not allowed to be comforted and I don’t know why. But I can tell he’s the only person in this room that believes that.”

They all quieted when YS seemed to stir, stretching considerably for a few moments. Biff bit his lip, not wanting him to wake up yet. “Bee, quick, pet him more.”

Ah yes, because if there was ever going to be a similarity they all shared, it was the placating power of having their hair played with. Bee did as he was told, and YS quickly fell still again. The shift caused his blanket to have moved, no longer completely obscuring the bottom half of his face. The rest were rewarded with the sight of a small smile gracing his lips.

“Aww, look, that’s not a forced smile either.” Boyf typed gleefully, having situated himself between Beef and Beefer, leaning gently against YS’s lower back. “Oh he’s absolutely going to kill us later.”

“Well if he really is so keen to not be cared for then he should consider not being so loveable.” Beefer huffed.

“You know, when I said I wanted you guys to practice self-love this was not exactly what I had in mind.”

Everyone froze when YS’s gruff voice cut into the quiet atmosphere, tone even more raspy with sleep. None of them had noticed that his shadowed eyes were cracked slightly open, sleepy, but also like he’d just caught them all with a collective hand in the cookie jar.

“Told you he was gonna wake up.” Beefer snarked at Biff, who stuck out his tongue in response.

“Party’s over! Everyone scatter!” Peacock joked, not no one really made any attempts to move.

“Not sure when the hell you idiots got here but I’m not really surprised. Though I do have one thing to say. Debating on if I should say it.” YS yawned, a slight frown on his face now.

“Are we in trouble?”

“Nah.” Yourself said, though his eyes trailed over to look at Bee, who’d pulled his hand away out of nervousness. “Just one thing. I didn’t… say to stop.”

[hermitcamau]

Who Are The Cams?

Here is a list of all the Cams we know of so far! If you know the names of the Hermit’s camera accounts that aren’t listed (or are incorrect), please let me know!

BdoubleO - WellsBlazes

Cleo - Cleophas

Cub - CubCam

Doc - CamM77

Etho - 404 (he doesn’t have a cam irl, but I was informed that this is a subsitute some fans give him)

False - TrueSymmetry

Grian - TheGrifter TwoMuchGrian

Hypno - HypnotizedCam

Jevin - Jevination

Impulse - ImpulseCam

Iskall - IsGall

Joe - JoeHillsSees

Keralis - Kamalis

Mumbo - MumboJumbo (very inventive, Mumby)

Ren - RentheBob

Stress - Stressmonsterin

Scar - BadTimesWithScar

Tango - TangoCam

TinfoilChef - WFRTNews

VitangeBeef: Beefers (I just realized I never found out his Cam’s name, soooooo, here we go!

Wels - WelsCam

xBCrafted - xBCam

Xisuma - Xisumavoid (again, super inventive)

Zedaph - Zedcam

(Thank you to everyone who helped with this list!)

[itstheendofthegoddamnworld]

Intoxicating: Drunk!Jacob Frye x Reader

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has a lovely new year!

So, I’ve never played the AC games but I have watched walkthroughs and have always enjoyed the games, but recently, I rewatched AC Syndicate and never acknowledged a growing obsession for the younger of the Frye twins. 

I have decided to do an imagine with this handsome and drunk man. The reader is an assassin moved after living in England and now lives in America, but has come back to London after letters from Henry Green. Enjoy!

This wasn’t the first time you had seen him drunk. And the very first time you had witnessed it, it wasn’t as disastrous as this.

You had joined the London brotherhood after receiving urgent letters from the only assassin in the capital, Henry Green months ago from America, begging you for your return with the chaos and downfall to the Brotherhood and lack of potential help whilst Templar control took over.

You were urgently more than pleased to return back to the country you had been raised in, but after being moved to America with your attention, you didn’t think you would ever come back.

You were more than surprised to see that you were not the only assassin who had received the message, and upon arriving in London after years of being away, you ran into twin assassins; specifically, you had remembered their decease father and his work.

Little by little - and with the naive plan to start their own gang - you took back London and the boroughs, all with thanks to the increasing recruits of The Rooks.

Bit by bit, you were just as adamant on gaining control against Crawford Starrick and Starrick Industries.

After being in London for a few months and getting used to the English weather once again, it was amusing regarding working with the Frye twins at first, and how differently they behaved from one another.

Evie the oldest was the more serious and studious to her brother, carefully plotting out missions with patience and steadiness. You were at first wary working with her but found that she was caring and thoughtful, thinking to the people and children that lived in orphanages and working in gruelling conditions.

And then there was the youngest, Jacob. Where do I start with him? He was certainly more head-on, - like a bull in a China shop you remember Henry Green quoting - brash yet with an oh-so-charming personality. 

You had been blessed (you could call it that) to work with him on missions in both assassinating templar leaders and gaining control over gang territories, and in those many times you had, you had almost been killed from his audacious behaviour.

After hearing of another successful gain from The Rooks in claiming a full borough with so little casualties, everyone who had been recruited had gone out on a night to the pub, and after promising to ring up Jacob to Evie, you were more than terrified in knowing what you would find upon your arrival.

Getting to the Duke of York pub was easy, thanks to the noise of drunken men loitering around both inside and outside, the men and women were loud but pleased in seeing you here with them.

It was amazing to see how these people were so loyal to both Jacob and the assassins, and it amused you, to say the least how Jacob was so charming to rouse the restless.

Speaking of the assassin, you hadn’t spotted him entirely too quickly, but with some quick nudges from some of the men you knew that they had spotted you in here, you were quick to find his location.

He was situated and crowded around a bunch of men, chugging ale and lager and all sorts of disgusting beverages down in a gambling game, those gathered and cheering Jacob and the man he was competing against.

You took a glance at the number of pints they had emptied, and after asking a female rook for the reason behind this, she had told you that the boss was interested in trying to boast to everyone about how much he could guzzle without even feeling tipsy.

You were not that surprised in finding out how much of a light-weight Jacob was.

“Mr Frye,” Your voice brought those around you to turn to look on you, glazed eyes humming in your presence, “ how pleasant it is to see you this evening.”

His appearance could’ve been mistaken for his normal messiness, his top hat barely sitting properly on his head, collapsed in his seat with his clothes looking slightly more disorderly than usual; as if he had been trying to take layers off but gave up.

“Miss Y/N, how lovely to see you at this hour.” Jacob’s words didn’t slur, but from his body language, he was barely even able to keep his head up, slumped against another male rook to his left. “I would’ve kept some lager for you… but it seems I drank it all.”

“No need, I’m here to pick you up and take you back to your sister. You have some discussions with her on a particular mission tomorrow, and I’m sure she’ll be most… abjured by your appearance.”

“Yes, yes, less talking about my sister, I’m just happy to see you here. Can it not wait longer? James and I were going to participate in a shooting competition, we need someone to keep track of points.” The assassin groaned, trying to pull himself up as he slouched his ale around the table.

Heavens no, an abbreviated Jacob with a pistol are two of the last things to be mixed together. You dreaded, leaning over the table surrounded by others, and successfully prying the pint glass out of his grasp.

Jacob made a sound similar to a kicked puppy: a low whine sounded from the back of his throat, as he tried to grasp back at his drink taken, his beautiful hazel eyes wide in desperation. “But Y/NNNN-”

“No buts, come, I don’t want to drag you out in front of your rooks, do I?” You questioned, your voice trying to hide the amusement over the current affair.

You heard around you the snickers of other men, some taking side glances and whispering to one another not so quietly, all delighted by the entertainment. Choosing to ignore them for now, you could only imagine that it was just drunk men happily watching a sober assassin try to move one of their partners.

Jacob let out another whine, one you had heard many times when he was wrong in comparison to Evie; a sound of defeat. “Fine, you’re starting to spend too much time with her, I say. I do need to get up anyway, been dying for a piss.”

“Charming Mr Frye.” You mused, taking a step back to watch as Jacob attempted to climb over the other Rooks from his corner of the room, hearing the sounds of others groaning and trying to not be trampled over.

“Miss, will you need any assistance taking the boss home?” You turned to see two larger men you were familiar with in assisting in gang wars with Jacob; men twice as tall and beefer than the canned preservative.

“No need gentlemen, how bad can it be dragging him back?”

-

You watched the drunken songs being sung outside and inside the pub you had stepped out from, the night air nipping at your skin and face as you buddled up, watching as some sort of bodyguard as Jacob did his business in an adjacent alleyway.

“Come now, spill it out, how much did Evie pay for you to come to see me like this?” Jacob’s voice carried itself through the alleyway out into the open air you were standing in.

“Nothing, I have seen you in this state before. Just… not so bad.” You eyes glanced to the stumbling, a mutter of a curse word under Jacob’s breath as he stabilised himself with a hand to the wall for balance. “Does she usually pay those to see you like this?”

“Hang on, when did you see me like this the first time?” Jacob retorted dryly from the darkness. “The drunken bet, were you fought some men in the streets shirtless? I saw you run past.”

Jacob made a noise of a chuckle, zipping up as he turned to look back on you. “You were impressed weren’t you?“ He grinned, and even in this light with little of the streetlights dimming, his hazel eyes shone more like coppers mixed with brown.

“Hmm, not in the slightest.” You laughed, earning a pout in return to your remark. Jacob whispered something along his breath, too softly spoken for you to hear that he had asked you something else, maybe in regards to that evening?

“Come now, you’re freezing.” He stated, pulling away to stand away from the wall he pissed against. You noted he seemed to know where he was going, the alleyway was always a shortcut he knew more than you, but you were getting used to being in alleyways late at night.

“I’ve been worse Mr Frye-”

“Jacob. Stop with this politeness. You’re not in front of Evie or even Greenie.” His voice was low on him, lower and more sultry as if he was putting it on for effect for you.

You smirked and rolled your eyes when you took you aside to a different corner, taking your hand into his, and breathing over them to keep them warm. “I appreciate the offer, Jacob, we’ll be back on the train if we hurry up.”

“What is there to hurry for? For me to be nagged at when I return?” You knew that smirk he put on when he wanted his own way, his charm-factor had risen into the hundreds just so he could get you to not resist.

“Wouldn’t you want a little fun Y/N? The night is still young.”

His face hung lower to your own, and from this angle, you could see just how much his pupils had blown wide, some sly look waiting and bubbling in those eyes.

You hummed in thought, it wouldn’t hurt to just spend a couple of minutes away without having to return to the train, right?

You looked at him, neither one of you budging to break eye contact. “You can start by attempting to warm me up.”

“Oh, I can think of many ways of doing that.” chortled Jacob with a purr as he blew wind just below your ear, taking you to his chest as he wrapped the outside flaps of his coat around you in an attempt to keep you warm.

Facing inwards to him did keep you protected from the cold, and you wouldn’t deny that you did enjoy the feel of being this close to him. You could smell the ale strong on his breath, mingled with something muskier but mild to not make you turn your nostrils up at it.

“Is this helping?” He whispered close to your ear, keeping you taut in his arms, “Or do I need to resort to other solutions?”

“I’m sure there are ways of keeping me warm back on the train, hmm?” You suggested, pawing at his torso with needy fingers. “A nice cup of tea, and blanket? Maybe if I don’t tell on you, you can be my little cupbearer?”

“You can always give me an… reasonable reward?” He purred, nipping at your earlobe. “Something that we’ll keep the both of us warm?”

Your body was flush to his, his body leant into you and you have to keep him up. You were enjoying the thrill of hiding from his Rooks, the thought of being caught with their boss was something you couldn’t help indulge on.

“Hurry up then and we can get to the train quick, without me having to drag you all around London.”

“Okay love,” he sang, “as long as I get to have you as soon as.”

-

You heaved and pushed an unconscious Jacob onto his own bed, holding yourself up as you tried catching your breath. After passing out and having to attempt to make a return, you had to resort to taking a carriage and ride him back inside of it.

You didn’t want to imagine the possibility of the police catching you in the act of kidnapping a drunk and unconscious man and throwing him into a carriage, you wouldn’t have been too pleased in having to run faster than them.

You groaned heavily, moving to Jacob’s side as you jabbed him, resulting in the groggy man muttering nonsense to you about trying to stay awake.

You even managed to hide him away from Evie– ooh the nerve of this man! He had to make it up to you in some way-

“Up with your arms sleepy head.” You had successfully pulled at his jacket and tie, trying to throw off his shirt as he tiredly lifted his arms up.

“Hhhgh, Y/N– keep me warm,” Jacob muttered in gibberish, swaying from side to side as he tried to grab at you with a hand. You were too quick for him, leaping out of his way as you grabbed at his hat and threw it to the side.

“I think that’s the point Jacob, you should be keeping me warm.”

“But love, I can’t if you’re not here.” He threw himself back onto the bed, eyes just wide enough that you could see the puppy dog eyes come out. 

“Come here.” He patted the available space next to him.

“Jacob, you’re not that drunk to know from your lefts to your rights, so you’re certainly not that drunk to— hey! Hands off!” 

In the knick of time, Jacob had once again grabbed at you whilst you were speaking, throwing you with his hands around your waist as he threw you back onto the bed, him following soon after to throw himself on top of you.

“Shut up love.” He gruffly spoke against your neck, pressing hot kisses into your exposed skin, hands not seeming to stop in moving over you.

“Jacob, god sake, you can at least kiss me if you’re going to tease me.”You whined, throwing your arms around his neck as you initiated the kiss by pulling him back up to meet you in a feverish kiss, tongues and all.

His sideburns were wispy and ticklish along your cheeks, but you didn’t care, running your fingers in his hair and gaining a stifled groan from him.

Your hands explored his exposed body, fingers dipping over his back muscles, pulling him closer to you if possible as the two of you didn’t break from kissing one another.

“What time did you say you had to go out tomorrow morning?” You gave enough space to ask him, his own lips moving back down towards your neck as he unbuckled the front of your corset and shirt with fumbling fingers.

With a cocky grin, the assassin on top of you looked so predatory above you, with lustful eyes that made you think that he was never to begin with drunk, or the soberness was kicking back in.

With a lick of his lips, his natural charm returned, never failing to make you swoon and your knees buckle.

“I won’t tell Evie if you don’t get me in trouble.”