#beefers just here

[hart-on-my-sleeve]

"WE'VE GOT DOLLS MADE OF US! You ever have a woman come up and say 'you're just a doll'? Well that's the truth when you talk about the Dream Team. "

"Except it's not the real thing... Can you imagine having a real Beefcake or a real Greg the Hammer Valentine in your living room?"

... what are we talking about again? @w@

11 2 1986 Wrestling Challenge - Beef Greg Promo

[pushingdaisies1]

Its never too late baby . . . ♡

(✧ ˚.) PAIRING-> James "Logan" Howlett {A.K.A} Wolverine x Mutant Reader >_<

(✧ ˚.) SUMMARY -> You were always someone who utilized your strengths. Physical and mental, you were a jack of all trades. You were a true hero to the students you taught within the school. Amongst the other X-men, you would always be one of them. But you had this little tick, that always annoyed Logan no doubt. You were a secretive person, too secretive for even his "standards." For others, you were a pillar of nurture and guidance. He saw your well-meaning nature from miles away. It was almost sickening to him how you would stretch your capabilities out to no end. He would never deny that he could be selfish. Sometimes it's more worth it to save your spine, than risk it for someone else. Though with the problems being thrown the team's way as of recent, he always saw you spinning your wheels. You wouldn't reason with him even when he of all people would lend you a shoulder to cry on. Even the students at the school could see it. With their childish snickers and big-eyed looks at your comfortable banter with Mr. Howlett whenever he helped with class. You were in love with the Wolverine. Again, out of all the Canadians - him? It wasn't something like a schoolgirl crush. It was an infatuation sort of deal. You burned for him mind body and soul. You would pretty much follow this scoundrel to the ends of the earth, even the end of your life if prompted. Which causes something to break between you two after you risk your livelihood for your family. The people that made up your heart, including Logan.

(✧ ˚.) AUTHORS NOTE -> hi party people!! I saw so much of the sweet reception for my first ever logan piece , so tysm!! Genuinely from the bottom of my heart the love means so much. As I’m currently going through my x-men marathon time if you will , I’ve had this idea brewing for a while. Thankfully the resurgence of logan content has given me the push needed to formulate this yk! This isn’t a part two to my previous logan post. That will be coming very shortly, but this is its own thing. Timeline wise... erm.... idrk a good place to put this SIGH. I'm thinking like in between x2 and the last stand. also one last final note , the title I took from Chemtrails over the country club. specifically the one lyric - "it's never too late baby so don't give up." felt like an appropriate whimsy title, nd I have been hearing that song everywhere lolz. Anyways, toodles!!! ᐢᗜᐢ (✧ ˚.) CWS (?) -> Descriptions of blood and graphic injury , they/them pronouns for reader !! , mentions of major character deal , Logan cares too much ... which could mean nothing , ur comatose for like the good first chunk of this , Jean and u have LORE!!!!! (not rlly but u and her have backstory beefers/her "passing" affect reader 100%) , mourning/grief, And that's on having no healing powers!! Buh-dun-csh!!

Your fall from grace was quick on the battlefield. This was supposed to just be any regular mission. You were using it as a way to clear your head after all. But you took a leap too far and now here you were, plummeting. The issue at hand was apprehended, sure. But you didn't leave the fight unscathed. Your vision grew too spotty for you to even make out your surroundings. Your hearing too even started to fog. Looking down, somehow or some way a large-sized piece of shrapnel metal had made it into your torso. Right in the sweet spot that was not in the lungs. Your legs began to wobble, losing your footing slowly but surely. You didn't realize your body was falling to the ground. The warm feeling rushing through you was the blood exiting from your hefty wound. It was ironic the last thing your eyes met before collapsing. Logan turned back around immediately once he noticed you weren't clamoring to the jet. His heart sunk to his stomach as he immediately sprung over to you. By the time your head had smacked against the ground, you went out. Your fingertips began to buzz, your fatigue lifting all of a sudden. All of the hurt and weight on your shoulders lifted? You felt freer than before, with a piece of debree stuck inside of your body no more. Even if some people regarded mutants as the next step in human evolution, a majority were still stuck with fleshy bodies. If only you were made out of steel. In this momentary unconsciousness, you thought about everything that went wrong. Your existence as a whole, joining the school. Moving up from student to teacher at Professor Xavier's school, like Scott and Ororo you were one of the first. Regarded as maybe one of the most useful of the bunch. No one could ever compete with Storm, the literal incarnate of a goddess. You thought of her as your eyes closed, embraced with the warm memories of your early days within the school.

The professor was never one to play favorites among his students. But when he searched you out and arrived with a less conniving Magneto at your door, it was clear you were special to him and his cause. From that day forward you were seen as a pillar of hope to a lot of the students. To some, you were like a mother, to others a guardian who would save them no matter the risk. To Logan Howlett - "The Wolverine", you were a coward. A coward that he admired. A coward he respected due to the ways you handled... stress in the simplest of terms. From the day he met you, he wandered around the halls of the mansion bewildered and confused. Something about you stuck out. He would've done something with this urge sooner if his eyes weren't honed in on another.

From day one you were not surprised how fast he fell and yearned for Jean. The woman you saw as your confidant, your best friend, she was magnificent. Smart and poised all in one with a strong set of mutant abilities. She was on the same power level as the professor, which made sense for their connection.

For living in Jean's shadow, you didn’t hate it. You were her right-hand man. Your balance was comforting, she was like your sister. The professor in small quiet moments of honesty to you liked to compare you to him and Magnus. When times were simpler they weren’t at opposing ends of the mutant kind spectrum. Yours and Jean's dynamic made you feel at ease with yourself. How could you worry? Your identity became a part of hers a long time ago. Logan saw more to that with you. Sure you could nag a lot of the time, and you always barked up his tree whenever he found ways to smoke on school grounds. But you just had this pull for him. He'd always find his way to see you first whenever entering a room. His brash and gritty attitude always got all mushy around you. He over time grew a lot more fond of the smallest details when it came to you. He was an amnesiac, his past only bits and pieces. But you made him feel grounded. You cherished his growth in ways no one else had. You were the reason why he was so drawn to the "now" of life. He needed that in times like this. He couldn't keep up for long after the realization that Jean was gone finally sunk in. Drowning at his one-sided attraction, the longing that he could've done more, you pulled him right out from that rut. Thank god that the two of you combined had horrible sleep schedules. His nightmares still stirred while you were suddenly afflicted with these with the memories of being on that jet when it wouldn't take off. That same pain rocketed through you every night as you were haunted by the sight of Jean finally swept into the oncoming flood. The feeling of grief ricocheted throughout the entire school. But you found your way to stay afloat. It was Logan, which you never thought of yourself admitting. But truth be told it was him. He was the most anchoring thing around you. Ororo distanced herself for the first month, while Scott cracked under the pressure of grief. Late nights dashing around the campus halls to the kitchen, out to the court where you two just talked. You had never seen him talk so much until you two became each other's support. It made you feel better seeing him smile more. Especially when it was at you. Again, you would never utter that truth EVER. At least that's what you thought. But his smile was a nice reminder of all of the light he held inside of him. As much as he despised ... everything, he was still so nurturing in his own ways. Nightmares were an excuse for him to be next to you. Nightmares were his excuse to hold you tight to his chest. The pain of loss was a collective "excuse" between the two of you to just .. be close.

Soon though, this ideal predicament between you both started to crack. Because even though she was dead, you still knew you would always be inferior. It may be all in your head but the hate kept you driven. It kept you driven but also mad. Small things would set you off soon enough. You knew deep down whenever he'd look into your eyes, it was a nice reminder of Jean. Even with how much he denied it when you came to him in tears, your bitter pain and grief clouded your judgment.

Logan saw that even with his help you were still hurting. He didn't want to get involved in it entirely as some of it was your own demon. But he saw how bad your spiraling was and still wouldn't accept his help. Not even from Ororo or Scott, not even the professor. Neither of you would admit who started the argument. It was late, and you were tired from pushing yourself to grade papers. Logan couldn't sleep and wandered his way to your classroom of course. The conversation was fine until he mentioned the problem. Your problem which you didn't want to deal with right now. As you were only running on a few hours of sleep. But even with Logan's usual "take and give no fucks" attitude, he knew he needed to push. You were slowly shutting yourself off this time, and he didn't expect himself to be a part of that mix. It was all a misunderstanding, but the two of you were angry and fire was thrown.

Your shared feelings were complicated. This whole ordeal with him brought out the "worst parts" of your love for him. He too was dealing with his internal dilemma. How could he move on from Jean and you were still latched onto the idea of her? It was a stupid question that was brought up in a Logan way, which of course caused the spat to escalate. His poor mistake was what he shouted. Already with the fear of waking one or even all of the students, you hated what he even dared to utter. "We're friends, you need to calm down about this whole obsession thing bub!" Originally you were thinking of just heading to bed. You were too tired to continue on with this constant bickering. But that's when you exploded on him. You regretted every last word you said to his face. Because it was you speaking your honest truth. About what you felt for him, about your hurt and your pain. How Jean was practically your lifeline. Losing her was like losing a piece of yourself. Especially since you rubbed it in about the kiss he and her shared. That you had seen and that made you sick to your stomach. A couple hours later she was dead. Your heightened emotions make you feel almost dizzy. The more you talked the more you realized his expressions distinct shift. As he was reaching out for you, you immediately swatted his arm askew. He didn't realize he hated to see you cry as much as he did until now. With broken sobs, you ran out of your classroom. The papers once stacked neatly were now laid messily all over your desk. You made sure to keep quiet. What broke your heart even more was a half-awake Rogue you ran into. She looked even more awake seeing your distraught state. Her feet tip-toed against the wooden floors of the hall before she looked at you. A big reason you and Logan were so close too, was because of Rogue. She was a good kid, he always rubbed off on her. He told you everything about how he and Rogue met. You were so enamored hearing him recount even the foggiest of memories. It could even be arguments with Scott he had, you'd just sit there with wide eyes as you listened. His word became your gospel. It warmed you to your core hearing him almost sound like a dad. He had looked out for her from the beginning. You always tried to do the same even when he left for Alklai Lake for answers.

It was so silly when she had practically pushed you and Logan to talk. She was just a kid and you two took up the almost suto role of her protectors. Friend or parent, she too found two trusted people to confide in. So you immediately went into "teacher mode" as soon as she saw you with watery eyes. She looked puzzled when her face met yours. You calmed down her storm of questions as she sputtered on and on. What's wrong? , is something happening? Are you okay? The hug you shared was one of the last meaningful hugs you had with another living being. You practically cradled her in your arms as you helped her calm down. She looked up at you, her larger brown eyes almost like the ones of a puppy. "Please don't be lying to me... y'know ah don't like liars." She whispered softly, her bubbly southern accent quiet. Your heart broke into a couple more pieces as you lied through your teeth. With a content nod, you bidded her a goodnight. Turning back to your room to drown your sorrow in god knows what. It had only been a good couple of months after Jeans' death that a mission arose. The X-men were laying low after everything at the base. For the school's and students' sake. But it was always on time when something bad happened for the team to fix. Old enemies came a-knocking and this time it wasn't Magneto. It was all supposed to be an in-and-out operation. You immediately clamored to get your hands dirty once again. You and Logan hadn't been talking for the last couple of days. Not even meeting in the dead of night to speak to another. You longed to hear about his afternoons subbing with Storm. This was your chance to regain some well-needed level-headedness. The thrill of doing what's right for a better tomorrow always made you feel better The mission even got Scott to come out of his puddle of mourning. Making you feel even better seeing your good friend so triumphant as he quickly clamored for his uniform. You and Logan didn't even brush shoulders as Storm and Scott dashed off to prepare the jet for takeoff. Everything should have gone fine. You should have all made it out alive. Every single one of you, that's what you had planned. Your lapse in judgment will always be your curse. Because now here you were, in the lap of the man that made your stomach churn. That made you feel LIKE that silly schoolgirl feeling you despised. Snapping back to reality, you realize where you are currently laid. Logan's eyes eased from his previous panicked look of fear as he saw you conscious. You were still bleeding but it seems that with quick medical attention either one of them got it to lessen. Your heart raced as you felt the warmness of his hands as they pressed against your cheeks. "Come on, there you go. Just focus on me." He cooed to your heaving chest. In the far back of the jet, you couldn't see Ororo or Scott. What you could see though was the remnants of blood on Logan's suit. He must have carried you off of the rubble and into the X-jet. Your smile was nothing compared to the horrid wince that left you. Finally, after this long moment of ease, the pain set in.

Going down to hold your gut, you shuddered as your vision all of a sudden wavered. You took in a sharp breath as finally, you noticed how in bad shape you were. Red filled your palm as you shuddered. Thankfully Logan noticed you and your shaky breath and immediately gripped your hand. Even in this state, you were currently in, you would always be able to focus on him. "I know, I know it's scary. You got hit pretty bad, but it's okay. Just focus on me and you'll be okay? I have you." He encouraged softly with that comforting rasp in his throat. His eyes were shaken and his lip was firm. Though his mood lightened somewhat because at least now you were awake.

You tried to speak but you were so weak. That same fatigue stung you as you stumbled over your words. He cradled you in his arms as he kept his eyes only on you. Your weary mind still around belittling you, another one of your eerily humane curses. He saw your chest quicken and lip quiver as your eyes began to lull, you were struggling. "Hey .. don't strain yourself - what is it?" He too began to worry as you saw his vulnerability bloom. Finally your chest steady as you took in one big breath of air. You let out the one thing keeping you from slipping back into rest in one huff. "Don't let me die, asshole." The asshole part came out more garbled from you after you coughed out your last words. Your last words before your eyes fell closed. For some reason, your hearing stayed for just a while longer. In and out, you could hear him cursing under his breath. The last thing you hear is Logan's panicked shouting at Scott, "Can this hunk of metal go any faster?!"

Finally, after so much pain, there was quiet. Peace and quiet after your constant heartache. You felt freed from the chains of reality. From birth to now, now seemed like your death. You left your current reality with a bitter-sweet smile as you felt consciousness swarm over you.

You couldn't feel how long you were out. Oh, but Logan could. Six weeks you lay in the infirmary. With some sort of miracle and hope, Ororo was barely able to stabilize you. The team rushed back into the mansion in panic as your wounds were assessed. But no, you couldn't feel the panic that coursed through your loved ones as you lay so peacefully. You didn't know your heart rate was being tracked. You were stable but anyone could guess it'd take you a while to re-reach consciousness. That your accident broke the barely well Scott Summers. But most of all it affected Logan to the core. He felt his world shake under him as he finally realized what had just happened. Something snapped in a man so stuck in his ways. Those words you said to him before you went back down. They were short but in the moment meant so much. Not to mention the fact that even Logan, so careless and free, was guilty. Every time he came back just to see you, he wanted to curl over and into you. Just like how he mourned Jean, he mourned you. Though .. he couldn't because you were technically still here. He may have not noticed it but everyone else could. The lack of your presence hindered him the worst. He missed the way you'd bother him out of the blue during the quiet time around the school. He missed you telling him about your life. He missed the shitty snort you did when you laughed too hard at one of his bad jokes. He missed seeing you happy. He missed seeing you move around. Pestering students for turning in assignments late or cheating. He missed the feel of your lips against his forehead when his nightmares of Jean flared up. He missed the way you looked at him. The way you saw him not only as a man but as himself. He didn't know how to admit it but he.. missed you. He missed you so bad and it was eating away at him. He spent hours out of his day visiting you. Like what you two always did when you were alone, he talked. About his day, what he ate, and even the lessons he overheard. The school got even quieter with you gone and he hated it. He felt bitter and broken, he didn't want to feel like that. He especially missed the way he felt with you. Almost like being on cloud nine. He finally understood the pain you felt when Jean died. This time on a more intimate level than he'd like to admit. He felt like the moon was ripped away from him after the sun. Now he was just the lonely tide, washing away against the shore until you returned. Ororo did all she could to help. All she could do was maintain your physical well-being as your body healed with rest. Logan hated the wait. The time you spent not walking around the halls of the school was maybe one of the worst times in his life. Since it hit him so deep on a real level. In this array of pain and even more guilt, he felt something dawn on him as you were still comatose. He was in love with you, Logan was in love with you. He felt like an idiot but the realization would always stay true. No matter how stupid he felt. As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew. In the middle of his thought process, he heard the swift slide open of the infirmary doors.

Right now he was standing over you. The one thing that kept his spirits high about your recovery was the gentle rise and lower of your chest. He didn't have to look behind him to know it was Storm. She too had taken her time checking in on your unconscious form. He sighed as she walked up right beside him. She gently cupped the examination table where your body would lay. She looked down at her hands with a bitter-sweet smile on her lips. She looked over to Logan, who was at a pause with himself. She decided to finally break the long silence. "You know they'll be fine, right?" She hummed as she glanced up to look over you. He chuckled softly as his brow pinched. His chuckle came out more like a rugged scoff. "I know, this just feels weird." He sucked in a breath of stale air. "It was funny the first night you arrived at the mansion.." Storm drew up a memory of that fateful night. "As soon as I and Scott brought you in, they immediately volunteered to help Jean down here with your examination. They were always enamored with your set of abilities. You were one of a kind to them especially, I suppose." Now his hands gripped into the sides of the examination table. He looked down, in pity of you and himself. How could he be so blind? Storm butted in once more as she noticed his demeanor shift. "All I'm saying is, they'd be happy to know how much you worried." He nodded in response, reminiscing when things were good. From your first encounter to now, his heart warmed. "I'd do it for anyone else." He gritted out as he bit back a smile. The truth was he was still in agony about Jean's loss. It felt wrong to love you as he had longed for her after all of this time. But you felt like a whole different story. He didn't have to sit in agony knowing that no matter what his love would always be with another. You always gave him the time and day, hell even down to the minute to just be honest. He needed you at his side no matter what you were to him. Maybe you were more than a friend, maybe he was crazy about you, but you understood him. In a way maybe Jean never had. Ororo knew he needed more time so she complied with the awkwardness in the air. "I'll give you some more time. Rest easy Logan, they'd want that." She insisted before making her way out of the infirmary. He immediately looked down back at you, before looking back at the monitor tracking your heart. He sighed, biting into his lip. He stuttered the only thing that had been keeping him sane since he last felt your eyes open. "Don't fail me now dimples... I need you." He gritted as his teeth were practically ground into his gums. It has become a regular part of his routine now. Once the students were back in their dorms for the night, down to the infirmary he goes. He could never be tired of seeing you at rest. Seeing you okay and not in pain. He just wished he could hear you speak. He hoped that you could hear his pleas for you to wake.

As much as he longed for you he just bided his time. Like the fool he was, like the idiot he felt like when you made him so weak. You made him feel the most human he ever could feel.

That day was supposed to be a normal day. Classes had been more and more brief. After the loss of Jean and you being "put out." But he did not expect to see what he did next. Going into the elevator to head downstairs, to of course see you as always. He was ready to talk about what you missed away and so on. His chest tightened once he saw what was right in front of him. It was you, you were walking? You were awake and on your own two feet. Your midsection was still bandaged but at least you were standing up straight. But then it finally clicked. Wait, you shouldn't even be walking around right now?!

He immediately ran to steady you once your expression went more absent. "Welcome back to the land of the living." He roughly inquired with a small, pleased grin. "I feel like shit, so don't start with me Wolvie." You gritted out with that smile that made him too feel all good on the inside. Quickly, his arms calmly wrapped around you. He longed for your embrace for too long. It wasn't like you were fighting him when he enacted this. You wrapped your arms around him too. He made sure not to squeeze too tight with your bandages and all. A gentleman must stay mindful, he could recall you poking at him as he had a beer bottle half hidden in his jacket.

Your head gently rested in the crook of his neck. That quiet he hated so much before when seeing you in the infirmary was warmer now. He liked the peace and quiet between the two of you when you were there WITH him. After some minutes passed, you met him back face to face. You eyes lingered as you watched the way he swallowed in with composure. You had longed for him to see you. Finally, all the puzzle pieces were clicking, and with your luck all at once. You knew before this would have never happened. It felt wrong and almost hurtful for you to be doing this. But go big or go home I guess. It was you who initiated it, and he gratefully complied. Still keeping you steady, once your lips met his hand immediately went to cup your cheek. In the bliss shared, all of a sudden it felt right. The tender embrace of your lips with his felt good. It was hungry and it was liberating. You could feel his heart beating out of his chest as quick gasps for air were taken. "I'm sorry." He uttered out, forehead against yours. "I know." You said with a sanguine look in your eye. "I love you." He uttered again at a rapid pace. "I know." You purred, your eyes looking back into his hazy ones. Things would always be complicated between the both of you. But deep down you had hope. Maybe not now, someday things could just be normal between you and The Wolverine. That's all you wanted and that's all you dreamed of. Yours and his timing by all means was horrible. So it wasn't surprising this delightful moment got interrupted by Scott of all people. You and Logan looked back, hands immediately darting off of one another. Time to address THAT later.

Scott's mouth fell agape as he began to regret coming down here in the first place. He readjusted his glasses with a small scowl. "Well hello to you too, and Logan." He turned his head to give him that same look. "Wanted to check on you but clearly -" He made sure to put a specific emphasis on 'clearly.' "That job has been overtaken by him.. I'll get Ororo." Before either you or Logan could interrupt him, Scott was already pressing buttons up to the main floor. Now that it was just the two of you bubbling laughs were shared. You felt finally okay. You felt like yourself after those months of nothing but remembrance. You and The Wolverine wormed back into conversation as you could finally talk BACK to him. Another thing you wouldn't ever admit was that yes, you did hear him. His gentle words would always be your favorite secret. After that display of affection though, your and Logan's bond never stayed just a little secret after that. Even after all the trial and error, and the more soon to come, you finally had another moment. Another moment that you could look at when you are older and with more grays on your head. Logan Howlett was yours, no matter how much the universe wanted to throw you around a loop. You'd always have him by your side, till the end of time. Nothing would stop you from cherishing this connection. Not even the burning phoenix crackling over the horizon. You and Logan against time baby.

ꔫ✉ reblogs/interaction is appreciated <3

[martuzzio]

HERMITCRAFT CATCHPHRASES

Hi, here's a (hopefully comprehensive) reference list of hermit catchphrases! The main goal here is to help writers and artists who (like me) might struggle with getting the characterization of some hermits right. Check out more info at the end of the post!

Note: this list updates a lot whenever I get new suggestions, which means reblogs aren't always fully accurate. I've linked this post to the top of my blog so it's easy to access the most recent version :)

Bdubs Shreep / uh-oh, gotta shreep! Crastle I love ya to death It’s gorgee Beyootiful Uh oh! Hell’s blazes! Hawsies YOU'LL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO! Shuddup! Judas priest! Bdubs' PERFECT REDSTONE!! What in the world! Holy cow! Nuh-uh! Hoimycraaaaaf Whimsy Trying my heart out

Beef EEskall That was my nickname in college! Nailed it! Dangit! Beefy Tunes Smelly Etho Opulent Etho? Oh, yeah, I own him Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Beef taught Etho about redstone Oh my goodness! Oh boy! What the heck Oh, baby! Quote unquote A ton of __

Cleo Class dismissed! I don’t need your stinky torches I will break your legs Trash is fish The answer to everything is leather pants Not because it’s the sand castle you deserve, but it’s the sand castle I need! What did you do, Joe…. It's FINE, everything's FINE Lovely Silly I mean... Not gonna lie... To be fair...

Cub DA CREAMADA CROP Alright guys Nice, nice Ladies and gentlemen / ladies and gentlemen, we got ‘em Eeeeasy money Beautiful, absolutely beautiful Mmmmmhmmmmmm Holy smokes Let's goooo! Sweet Oh, baby! Man, oh man Without further ado Peace out Cheers / cheers, man There's some heat coming off that thing

Doc Are you kidding me now? Alright guys Can’t touch this The G.O.A.T. Etho, get to the damn land man! It all started when Grian touched my redstone… Epic

Etho Uh-huh Like-a so Oh snap Get your snacks! Holy smokes! Take care, have a good day, bye bye Aww snappers! Aww yeah Von Sway I barely know ‘er! Speaking of llamas Bright blue bamboo E. to the T. to the your mum Beefaroni / Beefers Speaking of llamas… That’s what she said! Free glass Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Suckerrrr! Check it out

False Blimey Awh dude Frick False Supremacy Oh my goodness I don't know about you guys, but... Props to __ I'm not gonna lie...

Gem Gem is great Her [name] is [adjective]! Gem will __ ("Gem will watch Impulse") Perfect! Epic It's true, I swear! Not gonna lie... Oh gosh! Trust the process Nailed it!

Grian Hello! My name is Grian Good… byeeeee! Pesky bird My heart! My little heart! Mumbo Mumbo you are AFK Can we just agree that Mumbo loses? What in Queen Elizabeth’s shiny crown was that? It wasn't me, it was the man in the chicken costume! SaAaaaAaAnd Chobblesome SCAR NO— / NO SCAR— In theory… Electric boogalooo What does this button do? What on earth? This is in shambles Get outta here! Hear me out... We don't have __. What we DO have is __ Just straight up Without further ado Crack on Bingo bango Yes. 100%

Hypno Right, right Mmhmm You guys Dang guy

Impulse What’s goin on everyone? Shovel Shuffle BEHIND YOU GEM! Peeps Geez Let's goooo! Are you kidding me? Oh, man Now we're talkin'! Holy smokes Oh my gosh How cool is that? Jeez! Dang it! Buddy Presi (for present) You bet!

Iskall Hallo -skall ("richskall") That’s mega / that’s looking absolutely mega Omega “Excuse me? Sir?” __ of doom Okay, lol And I will see you dudes in the next episode I’ve had a realization Oh for goodness sake! It’s not fat, it’s big-boned Not gonna lie SaAaaaAaAnd Very fine Great success! Bird poop Bumbo Cactoni Do you even bust? / Do you even bust bro E Pag

Jevin Hypno smells! Oh my god Sucker What the heck Dude Man I swear

Joe Howdy y’all! That’s the Joe Hills difference! I will now say a poem of my own devising Core concept Keep adventurin’! Time skip! Who’s the guy who conquers death? That’s Joe Hills No not rage quitting I have to pick up my daughter from school or my wife will rage quit me! Grow Hills / Expand Joe Joepacity / Jhost

Keralis Look into my eyes and nothing but my eyes Wanna buy a book? Spank you very much Just sit back, relax, and enjoy Like this, like that I can see my house from here! Bubbles, Shashwammy, Sweetface, Princess Lookie lookie at my cookie / lookie lookie at my cookie… no, please don’t Like-a so I love your face I’m a real boy! I don’t k-nove (know) Not like this! Booshes Clever girl But first… lemme take a selfie I’m sinking… mayday mayday we’re sinking! Hallo yes dis is de German coast guard what are you sinking about? Scary harry larry I’m alayve! Breathtaking — no you’re breathtaking Mm-kay Oh behave I’m a simple man MeOOOow Welcome to my humble abod-ee Not too shabby My face! My palms are sweaty, mom’s spaghetti Tag 2 Booga Booga Stiffy nipples Batman! First I was afraid, I was petrified...

Mumbo I worry about myself sometimes I'm not really quite sure if I like that or not Yeah… yeah that's looking good… I guess… Dude! Chuffed to bits It’s a bit pants I’m such a spoon Oh my word It’s quite simple, really / it’s actually quite simple Bonkers I’ll catch you in the next one. See ya Off you pop Oh goodness me! Hermit challenges — initiation! All done and dusted To be frankly honest Seriously seriously cool Absolutely nuts I don’t even know what to say Iskall I feel sick Peace, love, and plants Moon’s big Mumbo for Mayor Quite simple

Pearl Lovely Bonkers At this point... Cheeky / you cheeky What's this? Mate

Ren Now we’re cooking with gas / we be cooking with gas today Ladies, get in line! / ladies, gentlemen, everybody get in line! You picking up what I’m putting down My dudes Y’know what I’m sayin’ Coming atcha frommmmmm Dude Coming from left, right, and center Greetings cyberdogs and citizens of the Interwebs, this is Ren-diggity-dog comin at ya in another episode from the Hermitcraft server (ey!) Automagically Jazztastic Janktastic Oh baby Like nobody’s business Looking absolutely magnificent Anyhoozle Twaddle Renstone The Octagon is a well-oiled machine! [word]-age [word]-ation [word]-i (to make things plural You love / hate to see it I'm just sayin' / if you know what I'm sayin' Professional __ Jazz Anyhoozle Exqueeze me? Freakin' Some serious __ What's happenin', baby? Chesticles

Scar Scarred for life Woah, what in the world! It’s gonna be am-ay-zing LOOK at the siiiiize of that Well, hello there my fellow miners and crafters, GoodTimesWithScar here. Welcome back to the wonderful world of Hermits and crafting Don’t forget to subscribe or you might just become scarrrred for life! Looking super fancy Let’s hit super fast build mode! Look at the size of that Appreciate ya Hotguy! Operation: Aquathunder! That’s what she said! Rapscallion You silly goose Oh, sweet baby Jellie! Bayum! / Bam! The bee's knees Easy peasy, orangey squeezy

Stress Are you havin’ a giggle? / are you takin the mic? Mate Oh my god / oh my gosh / oh my good gordons Gorgeous Plonker Geezer Ohhhhh nooooo! Yeeeesshhh I legged it Such a pro / I'm such a pro Proper __ Cheeky Bloke Thingamajig Ain't [word]-age [word]-ies

Tango Happy fun sauce -ificator, -inator, -ness, -tastic Skadoodle Fearsome bunny slippers Noob juice So here’s the deal Holding shift Shwoop Flim flam Poop came out Extra dumb with dumb sauce / __ of extra dumb Flee with extra flee! / fleeing with terror! Boom booms Gah! The dungeon is ready for its next victim Behold! Results may vary! I think my math is correct, but it’s been known to be wrong This is the worst timeline. I hate everything Big no! You— you freak of nature! Jerkface Jerkbutt Excellent How embarassing This is true Zombert Bits This I gotta see! Right in the face! [word] is happening Yeah baby! Stupid jerks Boop This is the best / worst thing ever! Niner niner niner [general unintelligible noises]

TFC What in tarnation! Crap-tacular Humongous Butt-ugly Ugly as sin Oh, goody Ender-twits Bugger Oh, fart For crying out loud

Wels Words are hard If you will Super __

xB Aww yeah Mmkay Son of a biscuit Pretty frickin' __ Man Get frickin' wrecked! Chestacle Dang it Staaph it Oy vey Crap on a cracker Dang it, Bobby! Dang guy

Xisuma Oh goodness me Oh dangit Geez Peeps I’m such a derp Oh my days Chooturial Issooma Allo Woa’ah Brought (instead of bought) My dude Achacha

Zed Hello hello hello A-good a-bye Muckin' about I lied TaaaAAnnGoOOooooOOOo Hu-jah! Pretty darn __ Certainly Rubbish I'm [word]-ing [word] me [word]-iness What happens is... Get kersplatted! Epic Oh my goodness!

More Info

So I'm currently writing a HC fic and realized how little I know about some of the hermits (I unfortunately don't have time to watch all of them), which made it really difficult to depict them properly in my writing. I'm assuming at least some of you might also struggle with this, so, here we are!

If you know of a catchphrase from any hermit from any season, comment, reblog, send me a an ask or dm, dm me on discord, whatever works the best :D

Note: when I say "catchphrase," I mean anything a hermit repeats over an extended period of time. It can be something said during a single season (like "You'll speak when spoken to!" or "Hermit Challenges!"), or something that spans their entire careers (like "Aww snappers!" or "Plonker"). I'm not looking for one-off quotes that are never bought up again — there's some great sources (like @hermitcraft-correct-quotes) for that already :)

Sources (which will hopefully expand with time): This reddit post from four years ago This other reddit post also from four years ago Reddit from three years ago This cute diagram A more up to date source Another Xisuma's dictionary on his website HC character tv tropes page This incredible google doc

[ochrearia]

Angel Talk

Holy shit I have such bad brainrot for Peacock right now I need to blow up anyways here's bonding time for him and YS. I don't think I did a good job writing Peacock properly this time I started zoning out because I got derailed a bit. Sorry if he sounds like another BF more than himself

BFs in this one-shot: sfa!BF (Peacock, Shed's), Yourself (YS)

“When was the last time you went outside for some fresh air and sun?”

Peacock knew that YS was slowly making progress on moving forward from his grief and trauma, and all of that visible progress was great to see. But he was still a long way away from being properly ‘better’. So crossing through the mirror to find his brother huddled pathetically under his blanket in bed wasn’t surprising, but enough to make him still worried.

“Dunno.” YS mumbled with a weak shrug of his shoulders. “Haven’t needed to do anything outside of my apartment of late. Time is still a bit lost on me.”

Peacock sighed, walking over and sitting with his back to the side of the bed. “Come on big guy. There’s always something to be doing, you have a procrastination problem and you know it.” He watched YS pointedly look away before continuing. “Sun’s good for you. I’d say more so than a human considering how much time us angels are meant to spend in the sky.”

Right, he had to plan his words carefully here. Just because Peacock knew about his missing wings didn’t mean YS knew that he knew. The fact he had to essentially lie didn’t sit well in his gut, but the truth here was guaranteed to make him upset. That wasn’t what the other was here to do. However…

“Has something changed? We’ve all noticed but no one’s bothered to ask. You got so much more, like, affectionate all of a sudden. I never actually asked what kind of angel you are, since there’s multiple. Well, multiple in the world I come from, I guess I’m assuming that also is a feature for you.”

YS groaned, turning his head and burying it in his pillow. “I swear I am trying. Trying to ignore it because it’s fucking embarrassing. Stupid, annoying instincts. Dumb. If I was normal I wouldn’t feel embarrassed over it but I’d also not even be here if I was normal.”

“This is giving me little insight into what the fuck you’re actually talking about.” Peacock deadpanned lightly, reaching a hand over to poke at YS’s cheek and getting a chuckle out of the irritated grumble the action caused.

“Fine. Fine, I’ll tell, because it doesn’t matter and you already know most of my secrets anyway. I think. Probably. I didn’t tell you I was an angel so I’m assuming it works the same way as how I knew you were one without asking.”

“Well, yeah, that and Beefer came to me to talk about it a little.”

“That fucking lizard…” YS sighed, but there was no malice behind it. “Shows up seeing through absolutely everyone’s disguises like nothing and then doesn’t have time to slip away from his world much anymore. I’d go over there myself but he doesn’t want me doing that, says he can’t make time to get away from his Pico and GF long enough for them not to question it or see me for that matter. Miss that stupid idiot. Hope he’s okay… better be.”

Something about those last few sentences made something stir in Peacock’s head. “Wait a minute. Wait. Clingy, and apparently needing one of our brothers to be safe. Holy shit, you’re specifically a guardian angel aren’t you?”

“I didn’t!” YS started, before cutting himself off, huffing, and continuing quieter. “I didn’t plan on this happening. I didn’t even think it could happen, stupid fucking instincts, I don’t know if you have any of those. I don’t even know what kind of angel you are. Very great and fun biology prank built into my damn DNA or something. When I get attached to someone and start acting as theirs- their guardian angel I mean- makes me clingy as fuck. Possessive. Even more so than I already might have been in my own choice to care about someone. So I don’t slack off and not do my job or some stupid shit.”

“Well that explains the sudden change, then.” Peacock snickered. “Which one of us is it then? That you attached to, or whatever? Didn’t start that way so it happened recently. Do they know?”

YS paused, turning his head again and giving Peacock the most ridiculous stare. “You can’t be this stupid. Like we’re all dumb as fuck and that’s a universal attribute but there’s no way you’re this dumb.”

“Rude.” Peacock snipped back, but it was still underlyingly playful. What was he missing? Something big, clearly, from the incredulous look coming from his brother- Wait.

“Oh shit it’s everyone.” He cackled- he couldn’t help it, that was so fucking funny-

“Shut up.” Even with part of his face covered, the other could tell YS’s face was burning. “I’m opening up to you and saying things the majority don’t know yet and you’re laughing at me. Absolute betrayal.”

“Sorry!” Peacock gasped between his giggling. “Sorry, I’m not trying to laugh at you. I didn’t think guardian angels could attach to more than one person, much less thirteen of them. Don’t you think that’s a little much? Ooh, maybe not, if everyone found out you only got attached to a few instead of all there’d be so much offended fighting. But also that’d be hilarious to witness.”

“I didn’t plan on this.” YS insisted again. “You know my- um… she’s still around, her spirit is in my microphone. Doesn’t have a lot of energy to do much, but she allows me to be able to mirror walk. I’m still pissed everyone else can do it without the damn stipulations my version of it has. So dumb. I had started wondering why she was so insistent to push me towards you guys, letting me travel across universes and probably breaking several rules. It’s her fault. She knew before I did. Tricked me.”

There was something he was missing. Some piece of information that the other was refusing to mention, dancing around it instead and hoping what he was saying would be enough for Peacock to understand without it. Unfortunately for YS, he already knew. The big guy must have thought none of this angel stuff would still be able to happen without his wings. Looks like the universe proved both of them wrong.

Because if YS had truly lost his wings by being a Fallen angel, then that assumption would’ve been right. So he didn’t Fall after all.

But that meant something really had torn his wings off like Beef theorized. What could’ve possibly been cruel enough to do that? Like he’d said before, there were very few things strong enough to even do that. A Fall gone wrong, somehow? No, that wouldn’t make any sense either. Angels at least had enough sense to know that tearing off a fellow angel’s wings as a claim to “Fall” would end in them Falling too, no matter if the other deserved it or not. No sane angel would’ve done that.

No sane angel… No. No, nonono-

“Peacock?” YS’s concerned voice cut through his thoughts. “What happened? You got upset all of a sudden, did I say something?”

“No, it’s okay.” Damn, this guy was good, he could feel that happening? He really did attach to all of them. “Thinking about something. You know how it is.”

“Is it about your Pico again?” YS asked, moving to sit up. “Is it getting worse? Man, I really wish I knew how to help. I don’t know why that guy’s being so… stubborn.”

“Not that. You’re worrying yourself over nothing, you don’t need to get all worked up YS.” He didn’t want to have to start lying more than he already was, he needed to get this conversation derailed. Quickly. “Don’t think this has made me forget about my original question. You look like you haven’t seen the sun in months, man. You need to go outside. Stop moping around.”

The subject change seemed to work, YS returning to his silly grumbling. “I’m fine. There’s nothing interesting to be doing outside anyway. It’s comfortable here. Don’t want to get up.”

“Okay, are you bed rotting because you’re genuinely not feeling great right now, or are you doing it because it’s familiar?” Peacock asked.

“...Fuck. I need you idiots to stop being so smart.” YS rolled onto his back properly, rubbing his face with his hands. “Can I go outside tomorrow instead?”

Holy shit this guy was such a procrastinator. “Dude, you’re worse at taking care of your health than cleaning up your soda cans. It’s actually a mystery how you lived this long with how often you put things off until you start dying.”

“Not my fault the bed is comfy and I don’t have energy.”

“You don’t have energy because you’re staying in bed and not going outside!” Peacock exclaimed, exasperated. “Don’t even get me started on the times we have to almost beg you to fucking eat something. It’s not like we’re going to give up on you but can you at least try to make it less like pulling teeth?”

YS started playing dirty, pulling his lips into a pout. “Maybe the sun shouldn’t be outside then. The sun should come into my room directly and provide me the benefit without me having to move. That seems reasonable.”

“You’re a literal toddler.” Peacock sighed, letting off a few chuckles again. “Come on. You would be telling me the exact same thing if it was me. You wouldn’t let your brothers do this, not even for a second. You’d have us up and out of bed and protecting us while doing it, because you’re a stupid guardian angel and that’s your incentive. So… if that’s your incentive…”

“I don’t like the plotting going on right now.”

“You wouldn’t dare to keep doing something that would make your poor little brother upset, now would you?” Peacock grinned, really playing it up.

“I hate you.” YS groaned. “Biggest reason why I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. Because it’s abusable.”

“I have to find something to blackmail you with, Biff never told me what that secret was.”

“How the fuck have none of you let go of that yet. It is not that interesting and I’m never going to say it. There are better ways to get me to do something rather than subjecting me to lit up nerves.” YS paused, smacking a hand over his mouth a bit too late. “God dammit! Stop fucking around with the fact I don’t think before I speak!”

“I’m saving this information in my brain so fast.” Peacock replied, grin widening. “You’re actually ass at keeping secrets.”

“Did you only come here today to torment me? Is that your goal?”

“Nah.” Peacock said, standing up. “Came here because I care about you, big guy. Thought that would be obvious. Come on, get up, time for sunlight. Don’t make me drop my disguise just so I can drag you out of here by flight.”

“Do I get anything out of this if I agree?” YS asked, pushing himself up even more. “Or am I abandoning my comfiness for nothing?”

“Not nothing. You’re gonna get sunlight and it’s going to help you feel better, than isn’t nothing.” He paused, before adding: “And if you really need extra incentive, I could go for an hour-long hug from a guy who takes care of his health. Specifically a guy like that.”

The death glare Peacock got from YS as he fully got out of bed was incredibly worth it.

[lycankeyy]

where do you see yourself five years ago?

Haha hey it's me. Your boy. Um. Coping fanfic /refBDKQNEK

TW: helicopter parenting, Cyber-typical trauma stuff

bfs in this one-shot: fc!bf (boyf, mine), cyborg!bf (cyber, mine)

-

Boyf wondered, frequently, if the listlessness, the "placelessness", he called it, and he didn't care that it wasn't a word - would go away. It was just another side-effect. Another symptom. Something to be managed and coped with that would eventually scab over and scar into a reminder, not an invitation.

He was sick of how many there are, frankly. Made him feel too... much.

Maybe that was why he coped in a way that hewas sure a therapist wouldn't quite understand, but would probably see as moderately unreasonable. If he didn't want to be here, he simply wouldn't be.

Other realities were just a step through the mirror away, after all.

Most of the others were at the very least fine with him. There were his brothers, of course, who cared about him - but even if he stepped through with no clear intent or purpose and found himself with one of the ones he didn't know quite as well, he was an easy presence to tolerate. Easy to excuse, too - why explain that you were struggling when everyone was so quick to believe that you were just being silly? Stupid, silly Boyf. He was his own perfect excuse.

So when the feeling - the anxiety, the squirming in his chest, the fevered trickling against his skin - returned once again, he didn't even think. An off-hand mention to his partners that he was going to visit someone for a bit, and he was gone.

Like most times, he didn't have somewhere specific in mind. Just focused on that yearning and that desperation for somewhere else, and he was up on the counter and reaching through.

Most BFs were accessible through their bathroom sink mirrors, so Boyf was a bit caught off-guard when his height suddenly dipped beneath him, and he was sent tumbling onto a carpeted floor. Hadn't had an entrance that graceless since... well, okay, that was hard to quantify, actually.

He propped himself up a little. The only other him with a full-length mirror that he could think of was YS, but the floor was a different color. Excited to potentially be visiting someone he'd never hung out with one-on-one before (and maybe it was Beefer, which would probably successfully make him decide to stop doing this), he finally pushed himself up onto his knees, and--

What caught him off-guard wasn't who he saw perched on the bed. It was the room.

His room. His childhood room.

When his eyes locked with ever-focused, cat-like yellow ones, he wasn't surprised, but he couldn't say his dread didn't deepen. Cyber tilted his head slightly, like a confused animal trying to make sense of what it was looking at. "Nobody comes to visit me," he said, like he was simply stating a fact that the other should hear.

All of the BFs were, obviously, versions of the same guy. They all had pretty similar brains at the end of the day, no matter how different they were. That being said, Boyf had noticed the odd connection between himself and Cyber pretty much the first time they'd interacted. Like their brains were even more the same. Like they could always tell what the other was--

"Jumping through realities at random? That sounds dangerous."

-- thinking.

"You could end up somewhere Yourself doesn't have contact with yet. They could hurt you," Cyber continued on. He snapped the 3DS he was apparently playing on closed, setting it aside as Boyf got up and brushed himself off. At a single dismissive thought from his older self, Cyber insisted, "it could happen."

I don't live walking around worrying about what could happen, Boyf thought. Cyber didn't respond to that one - it wasn't like he could hear it, just - ugh, whatever. Even if he was sure Cyber was just as stubborn as he was, he wasn't sure he should be hanging around here.

Exactly as he expected, Cyber replied to the unspoken again. "You can stay. My parents are at work, and my friends are at school. The company would be nice." A pause. "Even if it's you."

Another very strong feeling that the younger him hadn't meant to phrase that so dismissively. Briefly wondered if he thought about accepting the apology hard enough, if Cyber could feel it.

Either way, Boyf couldn't exactly bring himself to say no to... himself. So with a slight sigh, he rounded the bed and sat, with more than a tinge of awkwardness, at Cyber's side. He wasn't sure what would even come of this. It's not like either of them had any idea of what to talk about.

Either unaware of the tension or uncaring of it, Cyber picked his 3DS back up and flipped it open. Curious, and hoping he was correctly picking up on the implication that he should watch anyway, Boyf leaned over to look at the screen.

Oh, shit. Sonic Rush. He'd loved that game as a kid. He'd gotten it a garage sale when he was ten and had been obsessed with it as the second Sonic game he'd ever played. He remembered being so pissed when he'd realized he'd lost it somehow when he was...

... almost fifteen.

Boyf blinked down at his younger self, a sudden awareness washing over him. It was less a realization of how small he was - that was always in the back of his mind, along with how short all the others were to his comparatively Slenderman-ass stature - and more of how he'd been that small once. He'd been a late bloomer and had most of his growth spurts in his later years of high school.

Cyber would probably never get any taller, though. Metal bones and all.

"You were startled by my room when you got here," Cyber said suddenly. Boyf leaned back, resting against his own palm in an attempt to look casual. "Is it familiar to you? Is anything different?"

That second question implied a level of knowing that he was pretty sure they were both in rapidly deteriorating denial of. Still, he humored him. Glanced around the room, looking for anything that seemed off.

Of course, when you see your childhood room, it looks a little different than the memories, but in a way that makes you go, "oh, that's right," more than anything. Everything knew its place here better than he did. Except for one.

Boyf pointed at the exact place he'd entered from. "Meer," he stated simply, realizing that it was pretty obvious. He'd never had a full-length mirror in his bedroom. Especially not one that looked so... post-apocalyptic.

Cyber looked at for a second. As he did, a strange sense of warmness spread in Boyf's mind. Comfort. "That's Yourself's mirror," Cyber explained, like that was all that needed to be said.

It was. That mirror must have been the first contact. YS had been in kind of a... state, after finding Cyber. To be fair, anyone would be. He didn't know the details because YS never went into them, but Cyber had yet to be fully "rehabbed" when he found him. All he knew was that, and that Cyber's Pico had been "trying his best".

The mirror was visibly old. Cracked in places, and the frame was clearly made of some authentic metal, as it had since rusted over. Its produced reflection was also dim and muggy - like the amount of dust that had been caked onto it had stained the glass and could never be fully removed.

It certainly wasn't a pretty thing to look at, and it sat against the room like a gross stain on a carpet. He wondered if Cyber knew that the exact mirror didn't, y'know, matter, and he could get one that was a bit easier on the eyes--

A sudden shift in tone jarred Boyf from his thoughts. Though his robotic voice was the same, a low, threatening rumble rolled out from Cyber's chest. "That's Yourself's mirror."

Immediately, and ashamedly due to being a bit startled by the much smaller him, Boyf sat up and lifted his arms, palms out, in obvious submission, as if to say alright, alright, that's YS's mirror, geez. To be fair, it wasn't like he didn't kind of get it - everyone told him he should get a new laptop, but that old broken-down thing was practically a part of him now. And maybe that mirror was like that; a part of him, or maybe a part of YS he liked to keep, or something like that.

At that, Cyber huffed and immediately backed down, starting the next level in his game.

Well, it was starting to feel like he was just making things worse by being here. This felt like it should be one of those golden opportunities people always talked about - "if you got to talk to yourself from five years ago, what would you say?" - and thus far, he was completely butchering it. God, who was he to give advice to anyone, even himself?

Just as he thought of that, something hit him. Something that maybe wasn't the best advice, and maybe not the most responsible, but it was something to offer to his fourteen year-old self, anyway, and he might as well try.

Cyber didn't even question when Boyf reached over to grab his phone off his nightstand. It was an old model with a chunky rubber case around it that his parents had bought in case he dropped it (fair), and he recognized it so vividly.

So he was not surprised that when he went to look for it, the app was exactly where he thought it would be.

It seemed the sheer amount of focus Boyf had on his face finally intrigued him, as Cyber finally looked to see what he was doing. "I think you'll get me in trouble for that," he said with a frown, watching as Boyf disabled it.

He prayed thinking hard enough would get the point across, here. You'll thank me later. It's not just a GPS tracker. It monitors what apps you use, who you're texting, and lets mom get remote access to your mic.

Boyf remembered when his mom had first downloaded it. She initially explained it as just what he'd said - a GPS tracker - to make sure he was getting back and forth to school okay on his own. When he found out about the other features, he'd been pissed, yet another massive overstepping of his boundaries, completely ignoring his right to privacy - but he let her get away with it for two years, because it made her feel better after what happened at the middle school.

Again, maybe this wasn't the best idea. Especially with what Cyber was now. He maybe him, sort of, but he also wasn't. Wasn't even really human anymore, actually.

But if he could say anything to his fourteen year-old self, he would say, you are not your parents' pet.

If they ask, say your friend disabled it. Tell Pico, they should trust him still, and he can make them understand that they're being unreasonable, he continued to think "at" him. He handed the phone back, unsure from Cyber's expression if he'd gotten literally any of that.

He stared at the app's settings screen blankly, thoroughly conflicted expression on his face. "They only want what's best for us," he said, tone uncharacteristically soft. Us. A final admission of what they both left unsaid that sent a brief shiver up his spine.

Boyf nodded.

"I don't know what would happen if they got mad at me."

A pause. A breath. Boyf nodded again.

Their eyes were locked through the one-sided exchange, contact not once breaking until Cyber finally left to shut his phone off and place it to the side. "I trust you," he said with finality.

Something about the simple statement made Boyf feel like he'd just been stabbed. He wasn't sure if it was a good or bad feeling.

"I want to be alone now, if that's okay," Cyber said, a thoughtful expression still on his face. It was obviously tense, and Boyf could feel the confusion and the sadness and the frustration coming off of him in waves. "You give me a lot to think about."

Another neutral statement that sounded more sour than intended. Boyf didn't know what to say or think, so he didn't. He merely patted Cyber on the shoulder and headed back mirror-side, for once grateful to be returning home after one of these little excursions.

That was enough reality-hopping for a while.

[transfemzedaph]

i wrote beef/keralis finally bc. got insipred by some art. anyway. here.

"Ooh Beefers," Beef sighs slightly, turning to face Keralis, "C'mon K, I'm busy. Can't you come back later?" "Hmm," Keralis pretends to think, stroking their chin as they do, "Nope!" They slings one arm around Beefs shoulders, "You Beefers, need a break." Beef tries to shrug them off but Keralis just wraps their other arm around the front and clings onto Beef. "Ah ah ah, it's breaak time for my little kebab." "Keralis." Beef groans. "At least let me finish this?" Keralis looks down at the map in Beefs hands before plucking it from Beefs hands. "Nope! Break time! Right now!" Keralis tucks the map away carefully into their enderchest as Beef slightly pouts at them. "You'll get it back after a break." Keralis crosses their arms pointedly. "And maybe also after a kiss." Beef eyes roll at that comment but Keralis can see the hint of a blush dusting along Beefs cheeks. "Fine. Break time and smoochy time." Beef wraps an arm around Keralis' waist and plants a kiss on their forehead. "But only if I also get Papa K cuddles."

[spectrum-studios]

Tales of Torment au update logs!

If you don't want spoilers to the base game, then I recommend you go play the game!

Anyways all logs will be in order of their post! Past the read more line!

Log 1

Also the au name is Divine Torment/ Tales of Torment.

So it starts off like any normal story, but instead of the player [in this au they are addressed as Vona] (or however you wish to address them) being normal, they were cursed by what seemed to be angels, but they weren't later discovered by Cruel King who accompanies them as they share a very similar goal. they weild a white sword that's shackled to the dominant fighting arm! (Yes, it does hurt Vona/player if they let the blade go at all) and the only "assumed way to break the chains" is to aquire all the swords so they can be a regular mortal again and just recover. Vona/player does expirence episodes of torment from the curse.

And that's what I have for the time being

Have a great day/night!

Log 2

We got some updates to Tales of Torment au! Especially the one responsible for the divine curse!

But it's mainly character relationships for this one!

For a start, Cruel King and Vona/ player are allies with a shared goal also because Vona/player snapped CK out of the Ice dagger's hold and he wants to repay the kindess also because Vona, didn't kill a single knight.

Noobabor, Blue, and Red are friends after their second encounter on thy train. (They actually met when the 3 were on a mission to um oof someone but called it off after having a brief talk)

(I struggle with his name, correct me please if i spelled it wrong) Shelenski has been friends with Vona/player for some years way before the events of Block Tales. His goal is to break the divine curse!

Griefer is an uneasy ally... he kinda wittness the horrors of what Vona's Curse does and just immediately assumed the Venom Shank did the same.

Log 3

Tales of Torment au update time!!!!

First off, we have Divine rivalry. Aka Karen's yelling and even kicking each other's butt's. And we all have a new enemy opponent type known as Divine Champions! Aka people who succumb to the Divine curse and are lost under the Divine's influence (or propaganda).

The first one, Vona/player and CK fight, actually comes from the Blackrock calvary!

It also introduces a new attack pattern for both sides! It acts like the slingshots in base game, but the number of hits can vary in a big range of numbers. (Ex. 20 hits or 10 hits!) And theoretically, you can attack infinitely with this attack pattern if you had the energy!

Also, if you are curious, all battle areas/arenas for Divine Champions are like a crumbling version of the place they came from!

Heres a translation for different mechanics atm: Ticks! = health points!

Now, to plot stuff! Shelenski almost dies again but is saved in the nick of time! And Vona/player now has the first out of many cursed swords and an ally! And both CK and Vona/player got sent to the hospital after beating a Divine Champion, CK literally got impaled by a spear, and there are no plans for him to die, so don't worry! We also had the first possession episode for Vona/player in the story.

And finally, some very basic stats:

Vona/player has extremely high stats as they've won battles over the span of 5 years, but they don't have the ability to equip battle cards except for call cards. (self explanatory as allies tend to stick by them) most attacks they preform deal HEAVY amounts of damage which ends up one shotting most enemies anything at a boss level or mini boss will take 2 to 5 hits.

Cruel King was freed from his ice dagger curse and has gotten a very fast mental recovery! He deals the same amounts of damage like base game, but his health is beefer thanks to him wearing his old adventurer armor. He does now knows the new attack pattern and is slowly getting used to it! (He originally thought it was cheating because he's never even seen anything like it, lol)

--_--_--_--_--_--

And that's all for now! Have a great day or night!

[moth-like-habits]

A bit of help // beetho, 1,253 words

cw// sword wound (not very graphic but it’s there)

It was a bad idea- a worse idea than normal. In hindsight it was a rookie mistake, one that Beef definitely shouldn’t be making. All he needed was some wither skulls (would a beacon improve the opulence of the hacienda?) and he decided “hey why don’t I fly around, find a new fortress!” Sounded like fun, until he landed on the fortress walkway without seeing the wither skeleton behind him-which he payed for with a nasty slash on his back. And since he didn’t have his chest plate on- well let’s just say the wither effect can make for some painful injuries. But, if you think Beef looks bad you should see the skeleton-yikes.

That being said, Beef probably looks halfway to death if he looks anything like he feels. He’s not actually dying but an open wound like that isn’t exactly going to heal overnight. Most people would probably chug a few health potions and call it good but… well, maybe he’s old fashioned (he is VintageBeef) but he always prefers to tend to his wounds himself. It heals better, scars less, and- arguably best of all- doesn’t itch with the magic stitching you back together.

But that leads him to his current predicament: how in the world is he going to do this. He made it back the the hacienda and has situated himself in front of some decorative mirror in the living room (it’s got a gold frame, just screams opulence). The sword made an arc from his right shoulder to his mid spine, just twisting around to see it burns. That would be due to the slight tinge black around the gash- a bit of lingering wither sickness. He really got himself into trouble huh.

There’s not a lot of hermits that Beef is confident in the first aid skills of- it’s only really the old school players that bother at this point. Regardless of that, this is something he should be able to do himself. He’s not a rookie, he’s had to do plenty of battlefield medicine in his time. He’s gone through worse. Beef’s known to be friendly and cheerful, yes, but he’s also got a stubborn streak- if he can do it himself he will. As a result not a lot of hermits have really seen him injured like this. Why start now?

Beef sighs and looks out the window. At this point it’s fairly obvious what he has to do but… it’s midnight, does he really want to wake him up? For a measly scratch? Unfortunately (or fortunately) the decision gets made for him as a wave of pain leaves him gritting his teeth. Here goes nothing.

[VintageBeef -> Etho] hey man can you come over? I might need some medical help

Last he checked, Etho shared this antiquated habit. Plus, he taught the man most of what he knows back in their mindcrack days. And besides all that… there’s no one he’d trust more.

~~~

Etho all but barges into the hacienda. He flew here as soon as he got the message- he wasn’t asleep, which he’s infinitely glad of now. Once inside Beef’s base he scans the room for his friend.

“Beef? Are you there?” Theres a pained “over here” from the living room and it’s all Etho needs to rush over. The scene he’s met with isn’t nearly as bad as he feared- which he mentally shakes himself for. Beef is sitting on some plush stool and grinning weakly at him.

“Hey Etho,” the grimace in his voice prompts Etho to shift from relief back to concern. A second glance around the room has his eyes catching on a standing mirror behind where Beef’s sitting. More specifically, the large slash through his white shirt and- are those blood stains?

He stops dead in his tracks “Beef- what did you do.”

“I didn’t mean too! I just may have accidentally got backstabbed by a wither skeleton! No big deal…”

With a shaky sigh, he’s sparked back into motion and comes to stand behind Beef’s stool and settles himself into a focus often reserved for long redstone projects. No distracting feelings right now.

“Alright Beefers, can you take your shirt off yourself or do you need help?”

“Whoa! A bit forward today eh?” He chuckles a bit, but it seems halfhearted. “…No, I think I’ll need help.” It’s an awkward (and painful) process but they manage to get Beef out of his shirt. Now able to see the full wound, Etho sucks in a breathe.

“Beef how- where’s your first aid kit?”

Beef wordlessly points to a box by the couch and once Etho settles back in behind him he responds “It’s just as I said. Backstabbed- or should I say back-slashed by a wither skeleton. I flew in and didn’t look where I was going. Stupid mistake.”

Etho hums his response, most of his focus going into cleaning wither bone dust out of the cut. It isn’t that deep, but the placement makes it hard to clean yourself- and with the wither residue it will just get more painful when left sitting there. By Beef’s tone it’s obvious he’s aware of all of this. “Happens to the best of us Beef, don’t worry. Bet the other guy looks worse.”

That brought a chuckle out of him at least. “Oh he did- didn’t have any skin on his bones!”

There’s a lull in conversation as Etho finishes up cleaning and dressing the wound. He can almost hear the thoughts running through Beefs head. If he knows his friend at all, he’s probably either annoyed he couldn’t handle everything himself or feeling guilty he had to ask for help. Or both. With everything wrapped up Etho packs up the supplies and fetches a new shirt. (Fortunately getting Beef into it is far less of a struggle)

Bring another stool around, Etho situates himself in front of his friend. “Out with it Beefers.”

His silence speaks for itself, but after a long sigh, dark blue eyes meet grey and red. “I’m sorry for dragging you here at void-knows what time for a wound I should be able to take care of- that I shouldn’t have even gotten-“

It’s an impulse decision. A more impulsive one than normal. Etho pulls down his mask and delivers a soft peck to Beef’s lips before quickly retreating. He’s positive his ears are bright red but he’s in good company because Beef’s looking a lot redder than he was a moment ago. A lot more speechless too, a small shocked smile lighting up his face.

“I- you- You kissed me!”

“Try not to self destruct there Beefers.” A lopsided smile. “You don’t need to apologize, I’m happy to help. You’d have made it worse trying to fix that on your own.”

“Gee thanks, I appreciate your confidence.” Beef rolls his eyes, all the while intertwining a hand with his. “But really, thank you anyway.”

The following silence is comfortable, both content to just sit with one of their oldest friends. It’s not too long before Beef yawns, the exhaustion from the day’s excitement finally catching up with him.

“Getting tired old man?”

“Hey- who you calling old!? …yes I’m tired. It’s pretty late though if you want to just stay here for the night…”

“Who’s being forward now, eh Beef?” And the answering chuckle chases away any last worries Etho had for the older. They both made some quick decisions today but in hindsight Etho would say his turned out pretty well.

[siriannatan]

“Can you come and get me right now . . . please?” - BeefEtho

As with the whole series, the prompt was found @deity-prompts

I just could not delay posting this one.

Warning: PTSD, panic attack (I think these are the closest to what happens)

AO3

When Etho assured Beef he was perfectly okay to go and pick up their lunch while his lovely angel of a boyfriend continued fighting their new apartment he might have overestimated himself. Or to be more precise, he overestimated his own ability to handle people without Beef right next to him. He got overwhelmed the moment he stepped into the coffee shop.

There weren't that many people inside but still far more than Etho would ever be comfortable with when alone. He somehow, by some in no way small miracle, managed to grab their order and leave the shop. Getting back home was not something Etho saw himself as able to do. Even getting to the nearest, completely empty bench and taking it all to himself with the help of his bag of sandwiches and a tray of coffee cups was a big thing right now. And he even didn't curl up. And managed to pull out his phone and pick Beef's number on the first try.

"Hi E, how..." Beef's voice did not make him feel better on its own.

“Can you come and get me right now . . . please?” Etho managed to choke out as his hands started to shake. His brain was catching up to that he was out. Alone. And nowhere close to anyone he was familiar with.

"Should I stay on call?" Beef asked, gentle and kind as he always was. Patient despite all the mess Etho was, and all the trouble and interruptions he caused... "E? Love?" slamming of doors and jingling of keys broke Etho from his spiral. 

"I should be fine... I'll call if it gets worse?" Etho managed to say while squeezing his thigh with his free hand. To stop himself from curling up. To distract himself from his brain telling him people were staring. They had better things to do than stare at him, he reminded himself what Beef always said whenever Etho got worried about that.

Beef did not hang up and chatted to Etho about wallpaper patterns and tiles of all things. They weren't even planning to put wallpaper on any of their walls and they were leaving all the tiling as it was for now. But, as random as the topic was, it managed to distract Etho's brain until Beef cut through the crowd. Overalls half undone, covered in lavender paint. There was some on his beard too but Etho was too busy trying to not break down right then and there.

"I'm here," Beef gentle, kind, stable. The only thing keeping Etho from crumbling down in all ways and senses. "Let's get you home?" he wasted no time grabbing the bags and offering Etho an arm to hold on to. "We can go as slow or fast as you need," he assured the moment he saw how unsteady Etho was.

"I'm sorry..." Etho mumbled, he tried to walk on his own but almost instantly had to rely on Beef to stay upright. "I'm a nui..."

"How about we order pizza for dinner?"

Etho just nodded, putting all the endurance he had left into at least walking. Being carried all the way back would be the worst. "'Love'ya Beefers..."

"Love you too E. A lot and no matter what." Etho would never admit how much these words meant to him... Maybe when Beef was asleep and could not hear him he would say something but for now, he was content to clutch onto Beef's arm on their short but very slow walk home. Their new home. Just theirs...

[vapemaster42069]

Follow up to this post:

“‘My dominance will be complete. I will burn this world to the ground’. … Isn’t that kinda dramatic?”

“Just go with it.”

“Bro, I would not say that.”

“The viewers don’t know you exist, currently. So, yes, you would.”

“You’re shorter than me, too. What is this, some evil drama kid version of me with a height complex and glasses? And a…” Hels’ eyes widened, his mask crinkling further up his cheeks in an echo of a smile, “oh my god, there’s a fucking rap battle! You’re gonna rap battle yourself? Are you serious!”

“C’mon, it’s cool!” Wels leaned back with a smile, letting Hels chortle for a moment, “And, yeah, unless you want to be on camera.”

Hels grinned. “Nah, this is much more entertaining.” He scanned the script further with gusto. “My destruction of all you love will be complete and methodical… For I'm your inner darkness, a knight diabolical – I’m okay with that part. I’m very okay with that part.”

Wels rolled his eyes with the energy of a scorned goose. “And you’re calling me a drama kid.”

“You absolutely are! Who was in band in high school, fucker?”

“You were in the DnD club!”

“DnD is cool!”

“Yeah, alright,” Wels scrunched his nose in a vain attempt to push his glasses up. “You keep telling yourself that, bud.”

“Bud. Buddy. Chum. Pal. Trumpet player.” 

“Bro. Homie. Muchacho. Monk main.”

“Muchacho?”

“Muchacho. Anyways. Thoughts? It’s the first script, so there’s room for edits, but it’s finally getting put in in the next few episodes.”

“Uhh.” Hels scratched his head, flicking some of his hair out of his face, “I think I should be cooler. You always get to be the hero, I get the wimpy loser parts.”

“Well, we’re going for realism here…”

“Fuck you, man,” Hels grinned. “But yeah, it does look cool. ‘Beefers like it?”

“Yeah, he’s down.”

“Baller.”

[stinkfacestories]

The Swamp-ass of Madness

The interview room was tiny and the heat had been broken so the sweat was running down Jason's back giving him an epic case of swamp ass.

"So what's it like to be a football center?" You ask him. You can see his disappointment. "I bet everyone asks you that. Don't they?"

He shifts in his seat "Everyone. In every interview ever asks me that. You can be creative" he says back.

"Alright. What's the worst thing about being a center? No no, what's the worst think about being interviewed as a center?"

He smiled. "Easy. It's the same for both"

You drank some of the complimentary water.

"It's trying not to fart"

You nearly choked, but you didn't want to spit all over Jason Kelce. "What's that?" You say after swallowing hard

"Farting. Ripping Ass. Beefing. I'm a big guy. Takes alot of fuel to keep this body going. Any given moment I have to cut one."

"Well that—"

"Big ones. Like dragons roar size."

"That—"

"Were talking the Hulk just ate a spoiled sour cream truck, and now he's trying to time his ass blasts with Thor's thunder so no one knows he's dropping gamma bombs"

You waited to respond. The silence was madness. You both began to laugh.

"You had me going there for a second" you said.

"Oh I wasn't kidding. My ass is the deadliest thing in the room." He looked around. "Move that chair. Your the last interviewer, so I'll give you a chance at something most sane people would decline"

After a few moments if moving things around, there was just enough room for Kelce to get into a proper stance. When he got up you could see the sea if sweat in his seat.

"You can probably smell it now that I'm up. I hate that they make us wear our gear for these things. They hardly ever get a good wash." He gave his ass a slap. The sweat rained between his legs. "Go on, no shotgunning it. Get in and see what I mean"

You got behind him. Leaning your head in you could feel the atmosphere change. It was like dipping your head in the ocean; only instead of cool water it was raw unadulterated man ass. It was musky, and sour. Dark and rich, yet heady like a skunky beer. Time had no meaning here. Your head was lost in a new realm. It was a realm of filth and stench, of heat and flesh. You were both repulsed to the point of puking, and oddly captivated to keep smelling, to see just how each new whiff was worst than the last.

You snapped back to reality when you heard Kelce call out. "You ok?"

You coughed, and fanned for fresh air. "Yeah. Ugh. Maybe. No one's going to believe that lived through one of Jason Kelce's farts"

"No you didn't" he said.

"What?"

"I haven't farted yet."

"But that reek."

"Yeah that's just what four hours of me sitting in my gear smells like. That was just the pre show. Here's the main event." Suddenly, Kelce shot backwards. For such a hefty man he moved so fast. Your head was pinned to the wall. Kelce wet ass oozed over you like stinking bread dough. "Here..."

You muffled in protest, but as soon as you opened your mouth the ass flooded in.

"It..."

You could feel his ass quiver in anticipation. He had been holding this in all day and was going to enjoy every second of it.

"Rips"

Kelce's guts let fly. He was beast. A monster. A long, yet low and slow bass note of growling gas pumped from his rump. His feet curled and his right eye drooped in pleasure. A steady stream of drool leaked down his bearded, caveman like face. When you hold it this long, letting it out is almost better than sex.

As the beefer slapped you in the face you struggled to get out of the wet crack of his ass. Much to your dismay, you only resulted in wedging your nose into Kelce's blast zone. His fart forced it's way into your nose. Such a powerhouse was it that you could feel your sinuses pressurize, and your eyes bulged as the excess gas escaped through your tear ducts. Your mouth, oh God, your mouth. You kept your lunges closed but that didn't save your tongue from tasting the toxic mélange of his ass. You could feel the stench touch your brain and burn the back of your eyes. Reality was fading. You swore you heard Kelce laughing a great belly laugh. Your mind was flooded with images of putrid swamps filled with dead trees, bogs of bubbling filth and sludge as far as the eye could see, and stenches — oh so many stenches— a brown rainbow of smells and tastes to revolt the senses. Jason Kelce sat as God upon this land. He loomed high over the swamps, enshrouded in a toxic miasma of his own stench, sitting on a throne of shit, steaming in the caustic bog. He gazed his eyes down upon your suffering. He laughed. He laughed and clouds of bloat flies flew from his mouth and blotted out the sky, as rancid slime poured down the corners of his mouth into his filthy beard.

"Yo" you heard his voice and the sound of snapping fingers. "Hello? Come on."

Your vision was coming into focus. You could see Kelce standing above you. You were in the interview room, twitching on the floor. Your mouth foamed.

"What year is it?" You asked weakly.

Kelce smiled wide. "Now you know why I try not to fart in here."

"Is this real? Is this the bog if eternal stench?"

He leaned in closed. "... Did you see me on the shit throne there?"

You weakly nod..

"I had garlic chorizo last night, sometimes that happens when I eat sausage" he clapped you on the shoulder before lifting you up and setting you back in the chair.

"So.... Next question?"

[rayveewrites]

~~whats the recap dou doing these days?~~ seriosly tho whats up with etho and beefo?

“Beefers?”

“Hey, Etho,” noticing the odd look on his friend’s face, he followed this up with a question “what is it?”

“I think… there’s civilization.”

“Other people?”

“Maybe…” Etho sounded pretty unsure. Beef wasn’t sure if that was because he genuinely wasn’t sure, or if it was just his natural aversion to strangers.

Knowing Etho, it was probably the latter.

“Do you want to check it out?”

Etho hesitated, “if there are other hermits running around, we might be able to find them…”

“You could stay here while I go,” Beef offered. Etho shook his head.

“I’d rather we stick together. And I want to know if the others are okay.”

Beef could tell Etho really wasn’t up for dealing with people. Not today, in any case.

“Tomorrow?”

“I… yeah. Tomorrow. They’re not going anywhere.”

-

They paused on a hill above the small town, and Beef had a thought.

“Do you think I should take off the bloodstained apron?”

Etho just started laughing. “It took you this long to think of that?”

“Look, it’s been a while since I’ve interacted with unknown people! Give me a break, Etho, it’s not like you’re much better at this,” he untied the object in question and stashed it in his inventory. Sure, most people were pretty chill about it, but it did occasionally start things off on the wrong foot. They really didn’t need that at the moment.

“Are you ready?” Etho grimaced underneath his mask.

“Let’s just do this before I change my mind.”

[ochrearia]

8 BFs In a Room

Hell on Ochre technique is making myself balance 8 characters in one drabble because I feel guilty about leaving anyone's BFs out when they're on my list. Have fun shenanigans with a gut punch of angst at the end (sorry) <3

BFs in this drabble: PoPr!BF (Biff, mine), cs!BF (Beefer, mine), fc!BF (Boyf, Keyy's), wyd!BF (Beef, Karl's), sfa!BF (Peacock, Shed's), S2!BF (Bee, Isaac's), Candy!BF? (Blue, Slushgut's, unsure of a prefix for now), Yourself (YS)

“Why did I ever agree to this?” YS grumbled, rubbing a hand across his throat. “Fucking hell, I’m going to have such a sore throat tomorrow morning because I decided to indulge you shitters.”

“Well no one said you had to do them all one right after another, that was you, dumbass.”

YS glared at Boyf. “Oh and how else was I supposed to comprehend the request? Not a single one of you looked willing to wait your turn. No concept of patience in this room.”

“How am I supposed to have patience when you have such a cool song?! I got excited and so did everyone else!” Blue complained, contrasting the grin on his face.

“At least it was only six times and not seven. I had my turn months ago.” Biff was grinning as well. “Though I also had the thought in the back of my head that you wanted to kill me, potentially, so it was nervous fun.”

“I wasn’t gonna-” YS huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “No, fair enough, I literally smacked you across the room. Sorry. Have I ever actually said I was sorry for that? I’m such an idiot.”

“You were forgiven a long time ago, I don’t care.” Softer tone from Biff now. “Though I think you should have recreated the experience for everyone else. Or at least Beef.”

“What the fuck is your problem?!” Beef hollered, making angry faces at Biff. “Fuck you in particular!”

“Fuck you also!”

“I’m not smacking everyone across the room.” YS said bluntly. “I’m not going to be physically hurting any of you on purpose, thank you.”

“Aaah, big guy cares about us.” Peacock teased.

“Okay you’re making me consider going back on what I just said.”

“Can you reconsider that for Beefer specifically I kinda wanna see who’d win between you two.”

“He’s a literal dinosaur?? Who the hell do you think is gonna win?” YS asked incredulously.

“I haven’t figured out how to go into battle mode yet and I’m too nervous about how my situation’s playing out to ask yet.” Beefer shrugged. “If that makes you feel better. I can’t do much other than bite and scratch without it.”

“Can you hurry up and figure it out a little faster though? I’m not the only one who’s curious about all of that you know. I want to see what a dinosaur me would look like!” Insisted Bee, practically stars in his eyes.

“Hey I thought the specimen here was YS, not me!”

“You guys aren’t actually fucking calling me a specimen right. I wasn’t even awake for that shit you can’t just decide that’s one of my nicknames.” YS complained.

“Biff was the one who said it, and also laughed about it.” Peacock pointed.

“Snitch!”

“Holy fuck, you’re all toddlers. All seven of you, I swear to god. Why am I in charge of any of you? Isn’t that what your Picos and GFs are for, I should not be responsible for this.”

“What’s wrong with putting you in charge? You have the best ideas out of all of us.” Blue insisted. “I haven’t been here for too long but you’re pretty cool! The rest of you are too!”

“Him? Cool? Nah, just wait until he’s scared of upsetting you and he starts getting all subdued and nervous.” Boyf snarked with his phone.

“Wait until you find out that he’s-”

“Beef you better not finish that fucking sentence or the dumb corner will PERSONALLY have your name on it.” YS threatened.

“Blame Biff for talking his shit man, that wasn’t my fault.” Beef grinned with a shrug.

“Can you guys stop keeping all these secrets? I want to know the YS lore too. Sharing is caring!” Peacock asked. “How come Biff and Beef get to know but the rest of us don’t?”

“Because Biff’s an asshole and figured it out on his own because he has the same issue.” YS huffed, crossing his arms. “And he decided it would be a wonderful idea to tell Beef, who doesn’t have that issue, and who would sooner exploit it instead of being a kind person.”

“We were doing it to cheer you up, shut up man, you ruin my life with the same problem and I’m at a disadvantage because your tall, lanky ass can pick me up like I weigh nothing!” Biff countered, anger playful.

“Anyone else feel like they’re missing a couple seasons here?” Beefer asked to the rest.

“Sounds like we need to interrogate those two for some info.”

“Beef, we’re buddies… you can tell me!” Bee tried to tempt him. “We played Nun Massacre together that one time, come onnnn, tell me!”

“You tell anyone about that and I’m actually going to go back on what I said earlier. I don’t need anyone else knowing that there’s a way to incapacitate me and you two knowing is already bad enough.”  YS hissed.

“Why would you say that though?” Peacock laughed. “Now we know there’s a way to incapacitate you. Yeah, you’re definitely one of us if you can’t think that far ahead to realize saying that’s only going to make us more curious.”

“Fucking- Shut up. Forget I said that.”

“I’m still stuck on the mental image of him picking Biff up like a toothpick.” Laughed Blue. “Can you do that with all of us? Oh, oh, how many of us do you think you could pick up at once?”

“I am not doing that.”

“Oh my god, this guy is so fucking grumpy and boring. Would you just live a little?” Biff sighed, standing up from his place on the floor. “Think fast chucklenuts, you better catch me or we’re both going to the floor!”

“Biff-!”

Biff ran at YS, jumping halfway there and practically slamming into the taller’s chest. He stumbled, frantically trying to keep himself steady and also make sure the small asshole didn’t crash to the ground between his hands.

“Jesus fucking- Why. Why are you like this. Don’t do that again or I will just drop you on purpose.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t do that, you care too much about your little brother to let him get hurt.” Biff teased snidely.

“Just saying, YS, if you wanted to reconsider him being your first little brother, you still can.”

Biff glowered at Boyf like he’d just tried to commit murder. YS snorted out a laugh, shaking his head at how ridiculous things got when all of them were in the same room.

“So wait, Biff’s not the only one who can have little brother status?” Bee asked. “Wait, where can I sign up?”

“Is there a form we have to sign, or…?” Peacock questioned with a hint of mischief.

“Wait, I want a big brother too!” Blue butted in.

YS wanted to be swallowed into the ground in sheer embarrassment over how happy this was making him. The bloom of warmth in his chest was still so unfamiliar, but incredibly addicting for the times he actually had felt it. Starting right in his heart and aching in the best way, spreading across his chest and successfully chasing away his cold body temperature for a time.

“I’d say me too, but I don’t think he can handle hearing one more of those with how his face is starting to turn red.” Beefer snorted. “You’re so bad at hiding the joy on your face, man. But I think it looks like it belongs on you, to be honest.”

YS couldn’t stifle the groan when his arms were still occupied by Biff, who was an annoying little asshole for jumping at him, causing this to happen all at once, and expose him for how happy he could get over the sentiment of having them all as little brothers. Of course it would be the littlest brother that could cause so much damn chaos in a matter of seconds.

“Shut up…” He protested feebly, but what was he supposed to do when Biff moved closer to give him a proper hug now? Fuck this guy, knowing how to derail everything. He wasn’t used to feeling so loved, hadn’t felt anything like it in a good while.

“I didn’t know this guy even had the capacity to blush. See, these are the things we should be telling each other, every little bit of information is going to help if we have any chance of helping him out like he does with us.” Peacock seemed like he was going to make a list of things at this point.

“True! Even the little things help paint a better picture. Makes it feel like the puzzle we’re solving is an actual person instead of some stranger.” Bee added in agreement.

“You’re all so-” What could he really say? All of them seemed so determined, like they’d all already had this conversation to agree to care. Maybe they had and YS just hadn’t noticed. He didn’t always read every message they sent in the group chat, especially since they could get rather loud in there. The sentiment all directed at him made him lose his words entirely.

“He’s thankful.” Biff answered for him with a softer smile. “Emotionally constipated idiot. I told you, man. Told you everyone was going to come to the same conclusion. You made a point to reach out to everyone in this room and the first thing you said to them was how you wanted to help them. First impressions aside, did you really think we were just going to take your help without wanting to give it back?”

“Man, you really are dumb if you thought that.” Boyf teased. “It’s okay, you’re still the smartest one. Probably. Blame yourself for getting us so addicted to your hugs. As if we weren’t going to start caring about you when you were so insistent to give out such affection.”

“Dude thought giving hugs to the group of idiots who are suckers for physical touch wasn’t going to make us care about him too.” Beefer snorted. “Are we sure we can call this guy the smartest?”

God I hate all of these idiots… no I don’t. YS thought, almost cringing at how fast he went back on his own thought. “Well it wasn’t originally part of my plan to make you guys care about me, I was making the support network for everyone else. So that you’d care about each other.”

“So you’re extra dumb then, because that was not fucking happening.” Stubbornness, the universal attribute. Peacock was a victim to it as much as the rest were.

So… did he have seven little brothers now? What a chaotic family. YS supposed one of them could have been joking and he just wouldn’t know. If they were serious about it, he was too scared to ask still. They’d have to talk to him about it like Boyf and Beef had. He felt a little guilty for forcing them to be the first to bring it up when realistically he wanted to be able to treat them all the same like that. Talk about being addicted, he was addicted to the idea of being  family. Addicted to being kind to them, addicted to the idea he’d get so much more affection turned his way if he could just be honest and ask about the brother stuff.

They were all looking at him with soft looks, expressions also teasing for some of them.

They’re so determined and happy to do this. YS thought, a twinge of guilt stabbing through his chest. I can’t tell them what I’d planned for the support network when I connected enough of them… They care too much about me now, I can’t tell them I was supposed to be… gone… by now.

They didn’t need to know. That plan had gone out the window weeks ago anyway. YS knew he cared too much, as selfish as it was. But now, knowing how much they cared about him too? He couldn’t. And it was fine. They didn’t need to know the extent of it. It was fine.

YS was sure they could tell how much he cared about them all by now anyways. Apparently he was terrible at hiding the joy from his face.

[jorgaskr]

The Shake Down

Russ 'Little Troll' Fenrenson was the Nord you hired when you wanted to send a message.

"I hear you've worked up quite the bill at the Ragged Flagon" Russ said as he leaned in on the smaller imperial. His red hair was grungy from traveling. He had skipped bath day intentionally. The brick shit house of a Nord was more intimidating when he was radiating a potent stench.

"It can't be that high" The imperial said. He had his back to the wall. The stormcloaks had won the civil war, and all over Skyrim his kind had to put up with this.

"It's gotta be pretty high if they sent me to make you pay up." Russ leaned over the smaller man. He rest his left forearm on the wall behind him while keeping his clenched right fist on the other side of the imperials head. His skin was light, but with all the dirt in his skin you may have thought he was a tall red guard from a distance. He was wearing his troll leather vest. Nothing was under it. The cold never bothered him, and he loved to show off his arms. For the imperial this meant that on one side of his head was a clenched fist, and on the other Russ' ripe and furry pit. The winters chill was in the air, but it could have been the middle of a blizzard and Russ' pits would still be as juicy as a rotten snow melon.

"I'll pay. I'm getting my coins together. First thing this week I'll do is pay." The imperial tried to duck under Russ' fist, but when the meaty Nord punched the bricks, he juked the other way into Russ' pit; getting a full sniff of the pungent bouquet wafting from the gnarled patch of red and orange hair, and wincing a bit from the smell.

Russ saw the man's unfortunate position and grinded. He had two long braids in his beard, and when he smiled wide they made for the perfect frame for his yellow teeth. "You like that?" He said, his tongue running across his teeth. "Take a good long drink of what a real Nord smells like." The imperial paused, but when Russ locked his piercing hazel eyes on him, the imperial knew it was no jest. "Do it" he said, leaving no room for bargain.

The imperial closed his eyes and drank deep of the Nord's revolting odor. He could taste it more than he could smell it. It was salty and sour. There was a subtly heat behind it, like an compost heap in the height of summer— so many unidentifiable stenches, and not a single one pleasing.

"Like it?" Russ said.

"It's very," The imperial said. "Very strong. Just like you natives"

Russ bent his arm in and smeared his Pitt drippings on the man's face. He laughed loudly. "Nice way of putting it. I think it smells like a dead horkers arsehole myself. But if you love it then consider that some free perfume." He laughed again, inadvertently flecking the imperials face with spit. "Sorry. Here let me dry that off for you." He pulled down his head and summoned a deep belch from the darkest pit of his guts. He puckered his lips and blew it slowly into the imperials face, the deep bellowing rumble, like distant thunder, rolling just inside his throat. He had stopped at a shady ale hall— The Giant's Scraps— and had his fill of curried goat legs and sour brew. Add that to his stale onion loaf rations and you had yourself some punishingly offensive breath. The imperials eyes watered. Russ pressed his forehead in on the man's. "You should be thanking the nine that I had just let rip my afternoon beefer a few moments before I saw you, or else it wouldn't be my breath you're choking on cow-chucker."

Russ reached down and grabbed the Imperial by the groin and squeezed. The man gave out an audible, and high-pitched eek.

"You have till noon tomorrow to pay back everything you owe to the Ragged Flagon, plus a hefty bonus to them for picking such a fine and upstanding Nord like myself to deliver the message. Understood?"

The imperial nodded.

"If I hear that you didn't pay back every last Talos' forsaken septim: one night I'm going to appear at the foot of your bed and I'm going to spend do long popping your little snowberries between my finger that you'll think I'm making it a career" He squeezed his grip tighter.

"Yes. Very. Very clear." The imperial was on his tip toes now, his voice so high pitched that only dogs and wolves could hear the sheer terror in his voice.

Thankfully Russ was enough of a dog himself. He let the man go. He dusted off the Imperial shoulders a d straightened his collar. When he was satisfied with his work he leaned in close, putting his mouth to one of the imperials ears: "Run." He said softly.

The imperial took off like an imp out of oblivion.

"I fucking love this job" Russ said. He pulled out a flask of fermented mammoth milk and rinsed his mouth out. He let out a belch. The imperial was yards away, but Russ knew he heard it. Hell, he could probably smell it.

[hermittitties]

Going to make a list of tags here to remember whatever tags I made up for each hermit (hermits that aren't in this list I either have not found any titty art of yet or I forgot to add them here) (some tags may not have art in them yet I just want to remember them for future use)

#mantit celebration - manboobs tag

#i like women - womanboobs tag

#genderboob - genderqueerboob tag

#sent in - posts someone sent me

#docdonkers - Doc tag

#gritties - Grian tag

#mumboob - Mumbo tag

#scitties - Scar tag

#renbreasts - Ren tag

#zitties - Zedaph tag

#beefers - Beef tag

#iTits - Impulse tag

#xitties - Xisuma tag

#evil xitties - Evil Xisuma tag

#cleovage - Cleo tag

#falseboob - False tag

#geminitit - Gem tag

#chest monster - Stress tag

#ethitties - Etho tag

#joobs - Joe tag

[hmshermitcraft]

(Final part of Beeftho High School Reunion headcanon. Thanks for the reminder to write it!)

(Oops it got long. Sorry!)

The moon had past its peak and started falling towards the western horizon. The music faded as old friends said their goodbyes, heading their separate ways into the night.

"Well, uh, that was fun," said Etho, feeling unusually light and bubbly from the open bar.

"Thanks for coming with me," said Beef. "That was a lot less painful than I was expecting."

"You weren't even the only bachelor," said Etho, elbowing Beef in the ribs.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Beef with mock snobbery.

Etho chuckled.

The stars sparkled overhead as the two of them made their way back to their motel through the crisp night air. Their breath fogged in front of them as their boots crunched through the frosted grass that bordered the street.

"Hey Beefers?" asked Etho, kicking at the fallen leaves as he walked. "Have you ever thought about partnering with somebody for real?"

"Why would I need to?" replied Beef, sticking his hands further into his pockets. "I've got the Hermits. I've got the nHo. I've got Team Canada. What more could I possibly need?"

"I mean it could be nice for you," said Etho. "To have somebody who's there just for you and nobody else."

"Don't you go worrying about me," said Beef with a smile. "I'm very good at looking after myself."

"But what if it was me?" said Etho, pausing in the middle of the side walk.

"Huh?" said Beef, stopping to look back at Etho.

"Forget it," said Etho, shaking his head as he started up again. "I'm drunk."

Beef reached out to grab Etho's arm, stopping him before he could walk off.

"I said forget it," said Etho, face flushing with embarrassment as he tried to pull away. "I'm not thinking stra–"

Beef pulled Etho into a hug. His large, muscular arms, toned from years of building, wrapped themselves around Etho's lanky form. The smell of sweat mixed with the last whiffs of his aftershave, his scratchy beard tickling Etho's neck.

"Of course I want to be with you, you idiot," said Beef affectionately.

"Why?" asked Etho, standing stiffly in Beef's embrace.

Beef laughed. "Because I love spending time with you," he said. "I love working with you. I love hearing your weird stories. I love seeing how much you love your strange little projects, and I love it when you let me be a part of them."

"But you could have anyone you wanted," said Etho. "I'm not good at this stuff. Why would you want me?"

"Because I do, ok?" said Beef. "Now shut up and hug me back."

Etho obliged, relaxing into Beef's embrace as he wrapped his own arms around his back, gloveless fingers digging into Beef's soft hoodie. He burried his face into Beef's neck, breathing in his Beef-y scent.

Beef ran his fingers through Etho's hair, gently pulling through his messy locks. The younger man was so small in his arms, so unusually vulnerable. So unusually open and trusting. Beef pulled him closer as if to shield him from the world. He would not betray that trust.

Beef planted a kiss on Etho's temple. "Come on," he said gently. "We should get back to the motel. It's cold out here."

Etho groaned, reluctantly pulling away from Beef.

"I don't wanna go home," said Etho, shoving his hands back in his pockets. "I don't wanna go sleep and wake up and remember what a bad idea this is. I just wanna stay drunk and stupid."

Beef looped his arm through Etho's and started walking.

"Etho," said Beef. "As the people person of the pair of us, I can tell you it's not stupid."

Etho tilted his head onto Beef's shoulder, resting there in silence as they walked.

Finally, at long last, the motel came into view at the end of the street.

"Hey Beefers?" Etho asked hesitantly.

"What is it, Etho?" replied Beef.

"Can I do one last stupid thing?" said Etho.

Without waiting for a reply, Etho pulled down his mask, put a hand behind Beef's head, and pulled a surprised Beef forward into a kiss.

It was nice. It was warm, and soft, and caring. It was nervous but gentle. Just the two of them, alone in the stillness of the night, under the halo of a street lamp.

"Yeah that was stupid," Beef said as they broke apart.

Etho blushed, moving to put his mask back on.

"You know what else is stupid?" asked Beef, quickly putting a hand on Etho's.

Etho paused, looking up at Beef as Beef leaned back over. Beef let go of Etho's hand, raising his own hand to gently cup Etho's chin, pulling his face forward into another kiss.

This kiss was firmer, more sure of itself. It was more intentioned, but slowly fell apart as the pair succumbed to a mutual fit of giggles.

"What a night," said Beef, catching his breath as the giggles subsided.

"Thanks for inviting me," said Etho, smiling as he slipped his mask back over his face.

"Thank you for coming," Beef replied. "Anyway, we should actually get back to the motel now."

"Sleepy old man," teased Etho.

"You bet I am," said Beef. "But now I'm your sleepy old man. Ha! You're stuck with me now!"

Etho chuckled, looping his arm through Beef's as they headed back to their rooms.

(Fin)

"I'm not thinking stra–" yeah man you sure aren't